Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 30: Intimate Rocket Attack

Episode Date: January 16, 2012

Notes for week 1/ 16/ 12 Former Worldwide Church of God preacher says Jesus Christ is returning on May 27, 2012 and that today marks the end of time and beginning of "half time", White House Denies CIA Teleported Obama to Mars, In Jerusalem, women are voiceless at a decidedly womanly event, My Guantánamo Nightmare, Generous Governor Pardons Men Who Murdered Their Wives, Christian Extremists Rewrite The Constitution, And You’re Not In It, Survey: U.S. Protestant pastors reject evolution, split on Earth's age, Spanish bishop legitimates rape, Mitt Romney: Questions About Wall Street, Income Inequality Are Driven By 'Envy', Indiana Republicans Introduce Bill To Allow ‘The Lord’s Prayer’ To Be Required By Schools, Police Investigating Woman for Violating Adultery Law, German priest admits 280 counts of sexual abuse, Christian anti-abortion group says aborted fetuses are used in food taste-enhancement tests Visit our website: http://dissonancepod.com for all the stories and links.

Hi-ho, Kermit the Frog here. On Sundays, I go to the local retirement center to volunteer some time. I visit with just about everyone. Today, I'm visiting an old friend, Pat Robertson. Pat is a little senile, so he actually thinks I'm God. Ha ha. Let's go in and say hello. Hi, Pat. God, show me something. Oh, oh, it's not God, Pat. It's me, Kermit D. Frog. But I'd love to chat with you for a while if you'd like. Your president holds a radical view of the direction of your country,

which is at odds with the majority. Expect chaos and paralysis. Oh, I'm not sure about that political stuff there, Pat. But you could expect some paralysis if you don't get down from that chair. A house divided cannot stand. Oh, you can barely stand as it is without a walker, Pat. You should get down. God, let me give you some suggestions and you tell me if any of them are right.

Sure, Pat. Why don't we talk about something that isn't so apocalyptic? Is it an EMP blast? No, Pat, that's your television. Maybe we could sit down and watch a Matlock together. Is it a massive power failure? Oh, I don't think so, Pat. Looks like your TV still works.

Is it a cosmic or solar radiation blast? Wouldn't you like some jello, Pat? It's almost time for your sponge bath. What is it? Hello, Senor Robinson. It's time for your sponge bath. Looks like it's time for me to go, Pat. What is it? Hello, Senor Robinson. It's time for your sponge bath. Looks like it's time for me to go, Pat.

Take care. I'll be here next... Oh, don't take off your gown. Oh, don't... And there's your balls. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political political and there is no welcome at this is episode 30 of cognitive dissonance now we all know that the multipliers are of 10 are the most

important numbers they are the most important numbers in our society because we have 10 fingers why i know it's easier to count you can, okay, it's three sets of both my hands. Now, this is the episode 30, and if you've struggled through the prior 29 episodes, we have nothing but condolences to offer you at this point. We also have a tremendous number of stories we're going to try to go through this week. So if it seems like we're going very quickly through them, it's because we fucking are. But there's just too much awesome shit. Yeah, we couldn't call it down. We're looking at it before the show. We're like, we got to talk about this one too. All of it is all good. So we couldn't cut any of it. So you're just going to have to suffer through what was probably going to be an unusually long show.

You know, and at the end of the day, let's be honest. Like, if we can't find shit to bitch about, your life has gotten better twofold, right? There's no episode of our show. Yeah, you don't have to suffer through us. Right. And, you know, the Catholics have stopped raping little boys. So it's like fucking win-win. Right, right. Cecil, I have to say, before we begin launching into the stories, I was a little surprised

when you sent me this week the clip that you had made with the Kermit and Pat Robertson with all the joy having been ripped out or surgically removed. I'm not sure how the process happened from your heart. It's a soul-sucking process, Tom, really. I was shocked you even could identify Kermit the Frog, much less do his voice so accurately. The one thing, Tom, that actually, the reason why I like Muppets in general and why I like Kermit the Frog is I realize that every Muppet, when they talk, they are being vigorously fisted at that moment. So that's why I think that I like Muppets the most.

Yeah, there's a whole psychological background there I don't think is safe to even begin discussing. Let's just end this. We'll move on. The first story we've got to talk about, this is from a website called God Discussion. I don't know anything about this website, so let me just throw that out there. But a former worldwide Church of God preacher says, Jesus Christ is returning on May

27th, 2012, and that today marks the end of time and the beginning of halftime. Halftime. It's the halftime show. It's going to be symbols. They're going to make like a little out of people, they're going to form the word God or something or God is great. It's going to be like halftime cheerleaders, like apocalypse cheerleaders.

We like destruction. Yes, we do. We like destruction. How about you? But they're not allowed to wear short skirts. They're like really depressing cheerleaders. They have to wear like those really long dresses that cover your ankles. They're not even allowed to wear pants.

Like those crazy women that aren't allowed to cut their hair ever. They've got like hair down to the back of their fucking knees. They all look like Cousin It. One of the things I don't understand is why May, Tom? They always go back to May. I don't know. Everybody goes back to May. I wonder if the people that are making these predictions just don't tan well.

And they're just trying to avoid summer at all costs. Look, I'm a fat man. I try to avoid summer at all costs too. Like winter is better for my body type. You know what I mean? Or maybe they're just afraid of the sexy months. Well, that's what I'm saying. They're like, oh, my God, I got to get my body beach ready?

Yeah. Beach. I'm already beach ready. They try to push me back in the water. I got my body beached whale ready. Yeah, I know. There's a whole team of people. Heave.

Oh, let's get this guy back in the water. No, but yeah. I'm a person, Daniel. Stop trying to push me back. It's the third time this week. You can never get out. But yeah, I just wonder if they're like, you know, because

the summer is the sexy months. Summer is the sexy time. There's like, you know like short pants and the girls get a chance to see the guys with their shirt off. In the winter, you're just fucking so clothed. There's nothing to see. It's just like a big lumps and like amorphous shapes under large piles of clothing that move around. It's like I am vaguely humanoid. I also am vaguely humanoid.

Would you like to shed nine layers of clothing before we reach skin? No. Let's have hot chocolate instead. Yeah, exactly. It's like, wait, that's way too much effort. Yeah, it's the end of the world as we know it. Yeah, this is another, you know,

this is just the beginning, though, because we're in January, and this is not going to stop, Tom, until December, what is it? 21st? I know. The solstice or whatever. It's fantastic.

The equinox, one of those. They're going to keep going until the 21st and then they're just going to keep going after that too. I mean this is not going to stop. No, yeah, you're right. No kidding. 2012 is not going to mark the end of a – yuts is declaring the apocalypse. That's for fucking sure. Yeah.

You know, this group, the Worldwide Church of God, from the article, back in the 70s, they also believed that Jesus Christ was going to return to Earth. They were wrong. These guys are wrong all the time, anyway. Yeah, well. But they had strict tithing rules that left people destitute. How do you still have parishioners if you're just like, yeah, he's coming back, and then he doesn't come back and they're just like, oh yeah, but we don't need

evidence. Right. Right, like, give me all your money, but I'll be poor. Don't worry, God's coming. He doesn't want you. Okay, well, here's all my money. Where's your God? He called in sick. 2012. If you better

believe her, I'll make you die of cancer. Well, that's the other thing. He says that. Like, yeah, if you better believe her i'll make you die of cancer that's the other thing he says that like yeah if you you know mock and don't believe you just die of the cancer looks like we're actually a lot of people don't know that he totally mocked this guy we're fucked by the way oh my gosh enjoy your cancerous years. I'm like Mr. Burns. I figure I have such a host of problems at this point that they all are in a delicate balance. If any one of them is cured, it'll send me tipping over the edge. Yeah, you're fucked at that point. Yeah, so what's one more cancerous lesion?

This is the only time we're ever going to be able to say this, but you heard it here first. Last episode, I think it was, maybe the episode prior, I can't remember. We covered this nonsense story about President Obama going to Mars as a teenager from a crackpot website full of kooks. Seems likely. Yeah. The White House. Didn't he time travel too, though? Wasn't there some time traveling going?

I don't know if he time traveled, but he definitely met some chrononauts. I love that term. Chrononauts. Oh, man. I am from the distant, recent, past, future. Not that distant. The distant future. The year 2000.

I look at this website, and the first thing I think, if you scroll down on this website, and there's a movie, right? And it looks like there's this circle, and I look at this, and I'm just like, is that a globe? Jesus, look at the size of Florida! I don't even know. I didn't watch the movie. I didn't watch it either because it would mean that I would have to take this seriously. That is not going to happen. But the CIA took it

seriously enough to deny it. The White House came out. The White House. What are you trolling? Are you listening to cognitive dissonance? I love that the president's like, I just want the American people to know that I was not a chrononaut. Right. Listen, President Obama, if you're listening to the show, fucking friend us on Facebook.

Yeah, no kidding, right? What the fuck? Give us an endorsement. Jesus, lazy bastard. I'm too busy running the country. So Cecil, this next story, we've talked about the ultra-Orthodox Jews in Israel and how they're fucking insane before. And as a result of their insanity, women are being excluded from the fronts of buses and dignity. They're also being excluded, it turns out, from this. What is this?

It's a gynecological conference. A conference about their own bits, man. It's like, we can't have you there. We're going to talk about your junk. Yeah. You can't go. What? That's my junk.

What I love. I was reading this, and the thing that caught my attention were the topics. The topics were ovary implants, how to choose a suitable contraceptive pill, and intimacy during rocket attacks. I saw that. I was like, at first I was like, rocket attacks. And I was like, oh, okay, well, you know, actually most of my sexual experience are like rocket attacks. You know, they're over really quickly, although you really can't say that they're much of a bang

at all, you know? Disastrous short bursts of activity. Collateral damage everywhere. And largely ineffective. That is an awesome topic.

I would love to just be a fly on the wall and hear that intimacy during rocket attacks. Right. How does that proposition go anyway? So, baby. No, no, no, no, no. That's just my love for you, baby. That's just my love for you. That's my heartbeat.

You feel that? You feel that? Put your hand on my chest. No, no, no, baby. That's the rubble of my love for you. That's my heartbeat. You feel that? You feel that? Put your hand on my chest. No, no, no, baby. That's the rubble of my love. That's the rubble of my love, baby. You know, I also like that women can't go. And one of the topics is how to choose a suitable contraceptive pill.

Yeah. Right? Women are allowed in the audience. They're just allowed separate from men. They're not allowed to speak. That's what the key. They're not allowed to speak. And the women and men have to be in separate parts of the audience. They're just allowed separate from men. They're not allowed to speak. That's what the key. They're not allowed to speak. And the women and men have to be in separate parts of the audience.

That is outrageous. They're not allowed to speak? It's like you're in fucking boarding school. Right. It's like, who's got the bits? I got the bits. No talking from you. But I know all about them.

They're not allowed to speak at all. You can have them. I've been using them. It's like fucking mine. No, we'll tell you how to better use your own bits. Oh, jeez. It's like fucking, I can't believe an entire like sect of religion is like fucking preschool. No kidding, right?

The boy's over here. Girl's over here. Okay. So the cooties section is in the back. No kidding. I've just sucked one year of your life away. What did this do to you? Tell me.

And remember, this is for posterity. So be honest. How do you feel? So see, so this next article, we've been talking about this for years. On our previous show, everyone's a critic. We've been talking about this for years. On our previous show, everyone's a critic. We've been talking about Guantanamo Bay. We've been talking about the extraordinary rendition and torture and the indefinite detention. We've been talking about it now ever since they began doing it, really, on this show.

And an article came out in the New York Times Sunday Review. It was written by a gentleman who had been sent to Guantanamo Bay. And he spent seven years of his life locked up, seven years of his life locked up for no good reason at all. He was finally let go. He's living in France. It's a heartbreaking article. It really is. And it's one of those things, Tom, that when we talked about it before, we said these people that are imprisoned could be just as innocent as you or I. They didn't do anything. They could just – somebody could have said something to someone. Oh, this person – and sometimes they don't even need a name. They're just like, oh, it's the person who works here.

And you could just – by association of having been a place could suddenly get swept away and taken off. And people initially were just like, oh, that doesn't happen. It doesn't happen to normal people. It only happens to, you know, the people who get tortured and get, you know, basically spend an immense amount of time at Guantanamo basically deserve it. That was the opposition's point. They basically deserve it. You know, whether or not they're going to do something or a plan to do something, these are bad people that probably deserve it. And I think that's how a lot of people go to sleep at night. They just think, oh, you know, it's fine because they deserve it. But this guy, he didn't deserve anything. And he spent seven years of his life, like really formative years

in his child's development, away from his children, away from his family, not able to contact them, even not able to make a phone call. His letters were ridiculously censored. He was put through torture, obvious torture. When you read the article, you're just like, yeah, that's torture. And there's shit he doesn't even want to talk about in it. to suspend the civil rights and the human rights of other people just because you're in what we would call extraordinary times, right? It's a horrifying idea.

Imagine for a moment being removed from your job, your ability to support your family, your ability to have relationships with friends and family. Imagine how bad that would be for a month. Imagine the devastation it would wreak. It would wreak a lot of havoc on most people's lives to be just fucking taken. And nobody knows where you're at. And nobody knows where you're gone.

And to have no contact and to not know why you're getting taken. And to have done nothing at all wrong. Nothing at all. And imagine that now, you know, times seven years, you emerge as a different person. I don't care who you are. You come out, you're a different person. And I don't think it's, it's to most people's benefit when they, when they walk out those doors. And, you know, this article also makes a point, which has been a problem for a long time, that we've got a fair number of people that we're willing to let go. But now there's nowhere to send them.

We pick up these foreign nationals, and they're from Yemen, and they're from Syria, and they're from other countries which we would consider hostile. Syria and they're from, you know, other countries which we would consider hostile. And so you can't just say, well, we opened the door. You're in Cuba, so I guess swim home. You got to send them somewhere. Well, where are you going to send them? You can't send some of these people back to their country of origin and it won't be safe for them anymore. So they just get held even longer.

Their detention. And we know we've got people. I mean, this is a known fact. We know we have people that we know didn't do shit. And I'm just like, well, we can't even send you home now. You just fucking ruined your life, ruined your family's life. The idea that Guantanamo exists is such an affront to the American ideals. Absolutely. That it's so shocking

that people just don't want to think it exists or just, they want to pass it off. But you've got to remember that people are there and that people are being, that people that don't deserve to be there. You know, first off, I personally don't think anybody really deserves to be there anyway. I think, you know, you should be able to run people through a system wherein you find out the information that they have in a reasonable amount of time and you either charge them or you let them go because that's how the system's supposed to work. And it's, that's how it works for us. At least that's how we think it should work for us. Although with NDAA, who the

fuck knows? And then it should, that's how it should work with other people that we deal with in the world. It should, We shouldn't have a different standard. And when we do, we sully the idea of what America is and it's completely embarrassing that such a thing even exists. So this next story is from Jezebel. Generous governor pardons men who murder their wives. Mississippi governor Haley Barber. Now there's a long

tradition of governors. I guess this is a long tradition using inmates as basically servants in the governor's mansion.

I can't even imagine how this is a tradition because it strikes me as such an unbelievably bad idea that to ensconce this with tradition, you know, to be like, huh, the last guy did that. That really worked out for him. And then at the end of your term, you pardon your indentured servants. I mean, your prisoners' servants.

Your indentured servants. Your serfs. And, right. I mean your prisoner's servants. Your detroit servants. Your serfs. Right. So when these sharecroppers are done, you let them go and hunt them down with dogs in the woods. When they're finished in your fiefdom. Right. Exactly. Well, I'm done tilting my lance. So I'll just go ahead and.

So this guy did, you know, he pardons a bunch of inmates, but several of the inmates were murderers and they weren't just murderers. They were murderers that like killed their wives and girlfriends. Now, I know what you're thinking, but they were just women. They're just yeah, they're just women. They're just, yeah, they're just women. It doesn't matter, right? Well, okay. So I, for a living, I would never choose to be around a murderer. And that's if they were paying me money, right? If they were paying me a money to be around murderers, I would probably choose not to be around murderers. If I had any other job choice available to me, why on earth would you be like, yeah, I would like to have my servants be murderers? Wait, you can't be like, do they have their own fucking patrolman who stands next to them the entire time so they don't murder you?

These are convicted murderers. Yeah, there's not a whole lot more trust to betray than when you stand in front of a woman and you say, I do. And then you murder them. Yeah, and then you fucking shoot them in the face. Right. You're like, oh, I guess till death do us part, so blizzow. This is a terrible fucking idea.

And then the fucking pardoning thing, it's just like it is totally like old times. It's just like fucking like, I give you pardons, sir. Like fucking for real? Like you're going to give somebody pardons? Didn't they go through a fucking legal process for a reason just to have some fucking like giant-faced fucking dude who's so fat his chin is wrinkled? He's going to be like, yeah, it's cool. I fucking run the show here. You can fucking let those murderers go.

Isn't the whole pardoning system proof that our justice system is broken? Yeah. Right? I mean, you wouldn't need it. capital punishment you've got to get you've got to just say well there's no more pardoning because you only need to pardon people if you say well we gotta you know i mean this fucking system is not working we gotta put we gotta give some individual the authority the supreme fucking papal like authority from on fucking high to overrule the system and the appeals process to just say, fuck it all. Here I am, the governator.

You go free. Hasta la vista, baby. Like, get out. It's such a bizarre concept. Such a bizarre. Murderers. What you in for? Murderer? You know the worst thing

that you could do to anyone else? Yeah, I did that. Can't really... Yeah, but who'd you murder? Oh, it's just my wife. Oh, fuck it. Come on in. It's all good. Fold the linen, stupid. It's a good thing they got pardoned, because that dude was gonna eat him.

I mean, like, just look at him. Maybe it was a mercy. Maybe Sweeney Todd there was feeling a little hungry. I just pray over this equipment. We speak over the PowerPoint presentations, all of the video projectors. And we say, devil, we know what you love to do in meetings like this. And we say you will not, in Jesus' name, you will not prevent this message from going out. No microphone problems in Jesus' name. This next story is from the new

civil rights movement. And the title of it, I think, is perfect. Christian extremists rewrite the Constitution, and you're not in it. And I took a look at it, and I'm not in it. And I took a look at it, and I'm not in it. Yeah, you totally aren't. Not in this. This is crazy. This is a declaration of American values. These are not my values, Cecil.

Are these your values? I don't know anyone whose values even come close to matching this. This is like, I mean, honestly, this is like some Michigan militia sort of shit. It really is. This whole ten points. You should read number five, I think. I think number five is probably the one that most people would have some objection with. To secure the moral dignity of each person, acknowledging that obscenity, pornography, and indecency debase our communities, harm our families, and undermine morality and respect. Therefore, we promote enactment and enforcement of laws to protect decency and traditional morality.

Who's tradition? Morality polices, I guess. Yeah, and, you know, there are places in the world where there is such a thing. I wouldn't want to live in those places. It's not something that you would want if you were a decent, reasonable human being. You just say, hey, the thing that kills me about this is that you have to understand if you are even the most cursory student of history that values and know, values and morals change over time. And there's no such thing. This whole idea, I've been listening to all these debates recently, like Hitchens debating

a whole bunch of religious fuckwits, and they all come back to this idea of absolute moral, absolute morality. And that's such a nonsensical idea. It has no basis in reality and no basis in history. You know, morality changes. It's a fluid concept. As we learn more as a society and as a people, you know, what we see as moral and immoral, those things change. They're subject to a tremendous amount of change over relatively short periods of time.

of time. So if you were to take something like this and say, well, we're just going to ensconce into our laws this kind of moral policing, you're basically fixing your moral values and saying, we got it all right as of now. Oh, yeah. Right now. We got everything. Three thousand years ago, actually. Yeah. Well, and that's the truth, right? They just want to go back. They want to fucking roll the stone back. The thing is, is like when you learn about genetics, when you learn about sociology, psychology, all the things that, you know, we've got a chance to learn about and understand how people start to work. We don't, you know, we, we scratch the surface really on how we work. We understand, I think, a lot of things, but there's a lot of things that are left still to be known. But even with just the stuff that

we have now, to look at some of those rules that are in those books from – in the Bible and in other religious texts and things, you just have to laugh. You're like, well, you don't understand. You had a very cursory understanding of human beings and the human condition. But you didn't understand sort of the makeup of what makes us human. And that's, I think you're completely right when you say that morality has changed. And I think it's changed because we've just gotten smarter and we just understand. We think, I think in ways too too we've gotten more compassionate because you look at how things were done back then and look at how they're done now. And I think as time goes on, you just have to be more compassionate. Well, sure.

It's this Christian idea though that we're at an end point of history. I think that you and I, Cecil, believe and I think rightly so, like you said, that we've just scratched the surface. Cecil believe, and I think rightly so, like you said, that we've just scratched the surface. So that tells me that I don't know, I have no way to know the absolute truth of the human condition. I'm not even going to come anywhere near understanding in my lifetime, you know, a fraction of the truth of the human condition. But one of the things that I understand and I have respect for is the fact that, the fact that the human condition and my understanding of the human condition is subject to change. It's subject to growth. It's subject to revision as new things are learned about what it is to be human and how we function as individuals and as a society.

But if you're one of these Christian wackos who believes we're living in the fucking end times. Yeah. Well, that's it, man. You're at the end point of history. This is it. Yeah. And there's no more new to learn. And it also gives you a chance to look down on the people of this time saying they are base. There's a reason why this is ending and it's because they are base and they are immoral.

And you can judge without judging. I'm judging. i'm always judging also these people hate judges i'm just throwing that out there they do hate judges it's right in there just like yeah checks and balances especially the judiciary they are fucking crazy they really are crazy i love that i love the guns though the guns one is don't take my guns it's like yeah and you're supposed to have guns but it's like i love the article too because they're like how pro-life is it when they fucking outlaw abortion and allow guns right what's you know i also like the idea they even put it in there that this sort of antiquated notion that it's there to protect my liberty. Yeah. Really? Really? What are my shotguns going to do against the U.S. Army?

Fucking F-16, baby. I will knock an F-16 down with my shotgun. I'm used to it and stuff flying. I'm fine. There's stealth bombers. Like, not only do I not see them, I couldn't even have, even if I had a fucking radar tower and an anti-aircraft gun, I would be no better off.

Even if I were, let's say, as well armed as Iraq. Lucky thing you have a shotgun. Right. What am I going to do? I got a 12-gauge shotgun in my house. Lucky thing. Yeah, that's great to protect me against ducks. Yeah, protect me against small, small birds and waterfowl.

If America's ever overrun the Daffy Duck. There's a bunch of geese that are coming at us. We're going to fucking win that shit. Hands down. You're going to poop on my lawn. That's about the worst thing they're going to do. In the name of Jesus, we speak that. I'm put on a feeling I'm high on believing

So CNN's belief blog had a report about a survey, Cecil. American Protestant pastors overwhelmingly reject the theory of evolution. They're evenly split on whether the earth is 6,000 years old. 74% of them, Cecil, believe that Adam and Eve are actual people. They're real people. They're real people. They're real people. Hello, nice to meet you. My name is Adam.

No people before. So, come here often. And what that says, though, too, is that they believe that, like, Adam was, like, made out of clay and then God like breathed life into – like the things that you have to believe to believe that Adam and Eve are real people, it's fucking off the scale. I mean it really is off the – to believe that Adam and Eve actually existed and were real people means that you have to believe so much other utter tripe from the Bible that you really – I don't understand how you actually can function in reality. Dude, that's three quarters. Protestants make up the majority of the religion – I mean the majority of Christians in this country. Right. Three quarters of the leaders of that majority are like, yeah, Genesis?

Literal. Yeah, yeah. Never mind there's two creation stories in the book. I know there's like two specific creation stories. You're just like, which one? I don't know, both of them. But they're mutually exclusive. You can only have one origin.

That's the nature of origins. Well, one of the things, too, when they say the young Earth creationists, they say 6,000 years old. They were asked whether the Earth is approximately 6,000 years old. 46% agreed compared to 43% who disagreed. If 73% think Adam and Eve are real people, I wonder if some of those people actually think the earth is younger. Oh, my God. Don't even. I think they might think.

Oh, my god. Don't even – I think they might think – I wouldn't – I would not be surprised if someone out there, some religious kook out there or many religious kooks out there have a different number than 6,000 and it might even be younger. Well, I've only been alive for, let's see, 34 years. I know for sure I have a dad. I mean like really? Really? That's crazy. The numbers on this are just insane.

Really? Really? That's crazy. The numbers on this are just insane. This is why American science and education is fucking doomed right now. Oh, yeah. Fucking doomed. I mean, these yahoos are standing in front of us. They're standing in a pulpit. And they're yelling at everybody.

Oh, here's some shit that's true, Adam and Eve. Actual people. Okay. Thanks for playing our game. You got to believe in Noah, too. Like how he's got his back up against the elephant's ass, and he's trying to push it in the fucking ark. No, you got to get in there.

We put in the biggest stuff last. Right, and he's like, come on. I'm 600 years old already. 600 years old? I'm fucking tired. Oh, man. That is awesome. It takes a long time to build a giant boat. 600 years old.

That is fucking awesome. Yeah. 600-year-old man. That's how you know that natural remedies work, right, is that people used to live to be 600. Really, it's all ginkgo biloba. We were eating a lot of garlic back then an apple cider vinegar we can actually if we find him he's so well preserved yeah he's from all he's he's probably still alive what are you kidding me yeah it's only been a mere 6 000000 years. If anybody has not yet,

right. Yeah. If anybody hasn't read, uh, God is not great. When he talks about Moses, it's fucking genius. It's,

it's, it's awesome when he talks about Moses. Cause he's like the, I guess the, the narrative shift, you know, the narrative perspective in that portion of the Bible just keeps shifting where it's like, well,

this is actually written by Moses. And he's like, yeah, but it's in the third person. It's like Bob Dole writing his own autobiography. Bob Dole knows Bob Dole. Fucking Deion Sanders is writing his own fucking... Let me tell you what Deion Sanders likes. But you're Deion Sanders. But that's so confusing.

Well, if you want to be further confused and let us know all about your confusion, we've got a variety of ways you can contact us. You can harass us on Facebook. You can find us on Twitter. You can send us messages via email or telephone. We'll give you all the information that you need right now to get in touch with us,

and then we'll piss you off for another half hour or so after the break. You can email these assholes at dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. For more information on this or any other episode, visit the Cognitive Dissonance website, dissonancepod.com. Like our show on Facebook to join in the conversation. Just search for Cognitive Dissonance on Facebook or go to our website for the link. You can converse with us on Twitter. Our Twitter handle is Help us out by retweeting and reposting our shows.

You can call us and leave us a message at Your help is fucking greatly appreciated. Well, nothing like coming back from a break to the most depressing story possible, Cecil. Right. This is a story out of Eurotopics. Spanish bishop legitimates rape. I almost fell out of my chair when I read this thing. Archbishop of Granada, Javier Martinez, said in his Christmas sermon.

That's the thing that got me, too. I was like, Merry Christmas. Now we've got to talk about raping a woman. Now we've got to talk about abortion and rape. He says it's acceptable for women who have had an abortion to be raped. And I can't even, the reasoning is a woman who has an abortion gives a man absolute license to abuse her body without restrictions because she has committed a sin as if she had a right to do so. Because she has committed a sin as if she had a right to do so. Now, I'm no fan of the Catholic Church. But I cannot imagine how this is in keeping with mainstream Catholic principles.

How does this guy not get fired? I don't understand this, Cecil. I really genuinely don't. It's such an outrageously cruel, misogynist, simple-minded, vicious thing to say. This wouldn't be even notable if this wasn't somebody people look to for guidance. You know, this is somebody who stands in front of people every week and gives a sermon. And, you know, if he's an archbishop, he probably doesn't do it every week. He probably only does it on Christmas and Easter. And Jesus, man, fucking your Christmas and Easter must suck if you go to this guy's church.

What is he going to talk about on Easter? You know, just like it's cool to fucking, you know, be a pedophile. I don't know what else you're going to talk about that's more disgusting than this. Like Hitler was right. Like I don't understand what you're going to talk about. But really this is a guy that people look to for guidance. And if this is the case, he's basically telling the people that are following him that it's cool if you rape somebody who's had an abortion. What if you just thought they had an abortion and you raped him? Are you still okay? Well, you have to show evidence that you thought.

I mean, it's an awful, this guy's an archbishop. He's not like, He's not some low-level crackpot. Sure. Sure, he's not... You know, this is like... You know, he's like the branch manager, man. Yeah. He's the district manager. This is a terrible human being.

He's assistant to the regional manager. He's not actually the manager. Dwight's true to the Catholic Church. Yeah. I mean, for fuck's sake. This guy is not excommunicated? This guy's not actually the church. It's my street of Catholic church. Yeah. I mean, for fuck's sake. This guy is not excommunicated. This guy is not kicked out. I don't know how you say shit like this.

I don't know how you say shit like this and get away with it. I really don't. It's outrageous. Outfucking outrageous. And those crimes that get committed and that are justified with this, they're on his fucking head. You want an argument about morality? You want an argument like, oh, well, you know, you got to have morality stems from God. Morality stems from a higher power, from a transcendent being.

Didn't fucking work for your archbishop. You know, I think it's about envy. I think it's about class warfare. I think when you have a president encouraging the idea of dividing America based on 99% versus 1% and those people who have been most successful will be in the 1%. You've opened up a whole new wave of approach to this country, which is entirely inconsistent with the concept of one nation under God. Mitt Romney, definitely at this point I think we could say the frontrunner in the GOP race for the nomination.

And he had some interesting things to say about economic equality, Cecil. Basically said, you're just jealous. Yeah, he's boiling it down to envy. What people have condensed the message to sort of like the Occupy Wall Street and that 99% ideal, they've condensed the message down into you want my money. That's what they keep saying. You want my money. I made it and you want what I have.

But that's not it at all. What they want is the 99% want the 1% to pay their fair share. Like that's a different concept than break down all the wealth of the fucking wealthy and split it amongst us. But it seems like that's what they keep on bringing back to the fore. They keep on saying, oh, well, they're just envious. They just envy all this money. And then also to say like class warfare, when you use those term, when they use that terminology,

they're making a specific reference to socialist ideals. And that's not what it's about. It's not about class warfare. I don't think there's a – there's not any part of me that wants to have a war on the 1 percent. I just want them to fucking pay their fair share of taxes. It's a way to reframe the argument and not an honest way to reframe the argument. And I think that Mitt Romney is – he's definitely in the 1 percent. He's actually in the – I saw an article.

He's like the.0001. Yeah, he's in the highest level. One of 3,000 – one of the most 3,000 rich people in the country. Of course one of the richest people in the country doesn't think there's anything wrong with the economic system in the country. Sure. Of course. That's not a surprise. I mean if you're surprised, you. Sure. That's not a surprise. I mean, if you're surprised, you're dim.

That's not a surprise. But to suggest there's not even a conversation there worth having, I think is what bothers me most. I think that's really what, you know, here's somebody who's going to lead us 99 percent and you don't even want to engage the conversation? I mean, why would we vote for you? Why would the most of us who you need to vote for you vote for you? Why would we want you to represent us, to lead us, to be our figurehead to the world,

to help us make decisions when you don't even want to converse with us about the economic disparity that exists and has always existed but is continuing to grow in our country and is causing some fucking problems. I mean, you can't pretend that there's not a conversation worth having there. I mean, you can't pretend that there's not a conversation worth having there, even if you disagree. You know, he says, I think it's fine to talk about those things in quiet rooms and discussions about tax policy and the like. Quiet rooms? I think people are tired of being quiet. God has no place within these walls, just like facts have no place within organized religion. place within these walls, just like facts have no place within organized religion.

So the great state of Indiana, Cecil, is introducing legislation, it's introducing a bill to allow the Lord's Prayer to be required by public schools. Not just allowed, it's allowing it to be

required by public schools. I don't even understand why these things, this is going to get shut down. I have to think this is going to get shut down. It's so blatantly in violation of the separation of church and state. I don't understand why these lawmakers keep pushing forward these bills that have no hope, no hope of making it into action. Yeah, I don't understand it either.

I'm going to read directly. This is from AddictingInfo.org is what the name of the site is. And I'm going to read what they're quoting. So this is the bill. In order that each student recognize the importance of spiritual development in establishing character and becoming a good citizen, the governing body of a school corporation or the equivalent authority of a charter school may require the recitation of the Lord's prayer at the beginning of each school day. The prayer may be recited by a teacher, a student, or the

class of students. Like really? Like the Lord's Prayer, the Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. That's what you say. That doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean anything. It's a fucking useless bit of fucking repetition that means nothing.

I thought so until a moment ago when you just read, when you just, when you just recite the Lord's prayer to me. And then I immediately became a better citizen. Nothing. Just by hearing it's useless bit of fuck. It's like fucking now I lay me down to sleep. It means nothing. It doesn't make you a good citizen because you fucking recognize there's a Lord.

Well, at what point are you going to hear the Lord's prayer and say, huh? I hadn't thought of it that way. Give me a break. You know, there's a Lord. Well, at what point are you going to hear the Lord's Prayer and say, huh, I hadn't thought of it that way? Give me a break. You know, it's not a prayer that inspires you to pause and consider. It's a prayer that's an affirmation of an existing faith. Right. It would be awfully awkward to be sitting in that class as a Muslim, a Jew, a Hindu, an atheist. I mean, it's just, it's more of this freedom of my religion. Right.

Nonsense. It's like saying the fucking Nicene Creed in fucking class. Like really like, yeah, we are one church and I don't even know the Nicene Creed. But it's like the idea of the Nicene Creed is that they basically reaffirm their religion through the church. They basically say we believe in one church. That's how it starts. We believe in one church. We believe in, you know, these sorts of things. The church, we basically, they're saying we believe in the governance of the church. Like that's, who cares? The Lord's Prayer, who cares? None of it is useful. I think the best thing that the Lord

Prayer does is at the end, it says something like, you know, give us as they are daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. So that's how the Lord's Prayer ends. Again, none of that shit makes any, like, is even worthwhile except for, like, forgive people. Like, that's the only thing I get out of the

Lord's Prayer. When you actually recite it, the only thing I get is, you know, you should probably forgive people. And hopefully they'll forgive you. Like, that's the only thing I get is, you know, you should probably forgive people, and hopefully they'll forgive you. Like, that's the only thing. Then just say that! Just be like, you know, you guys should be more forgiving in your life, and hopefully people will forgive you more.

And just fucking call it a fucking day. Or just leave the moral policing to parents. Yeah, exactly, right? Exactly. Like, even that, even that is like, I think, it's sort of overstepping a bound. You know, you're saying, you know, that somehow school is supposed to teach my kid to be moral. I don't think so.

No, it's not. School's supposed to fucking open his open his or her head up and dump some fucking knowledge in there. That's what it's supposed to do. It's not supposed to teach them to be more. I mean, obviously, you're going to learn ideas of morality at school, but I would not want to rely on school itself to teach my child to be moral. No, of course you wouldn't, Cecil, because you're a reasonable human being. You know, that's the job of parents. You want your school to behave in a way that is

morally guided, right? Sure. You don't want to be like, well, I dropped my kid off at school, and in this school that I dropped him off at, there are no rules whatsoever. So they can fucking kill and eat each other. It doesn't matter. But that's also a nonsensical argument. Of course schools are going to have rules to maintain social order and discipline within the classroom. Right.

So it's a non-starter. classroom right so it's it's a non-starter um but this idea that you have to have um you know moral teaching within your classroom fuck that which class in in reading in history in uh geometry which class am i supposed to do this shit in because every class that i named doesn't fucking involve morals i remember going to school and never taking a how to be a decent fucking person class because it would be a waste of my time and it would take time away from learning fucking geometry and history and social studies and economics and civics and you know i mean like that's what we're fucking there for that's what we send our kids to school for i want to send my kids to school so they can learn somebody else's moral practices. Because, you know, the thing is, man, my moral practices are going to be different than yours.

And they're going to be different than the neighbor across the street. So why do I want some lowest common denominator moral bullshit fed to me by an institution? We should be offended at this very idea. This, as parents, we should be offended at this very idea. This, as parents, we should be offended. This takes our autonomy, our agency, to teach children the moral values that we value in our own home. It takes that away, and it supplants them. So I should look at this and say, no way, fuck that. You know, if I want the kid to say the Lord's fucking prayer seven times

a day, he's going to do it because I'm going to teach him to do that shit. And I'm going to teach him to do that shit, right. And I mean, that's going to come from home. And when he goes to school, no one's going to be able to stop him from saying it. No one's going to try. It's just that they're not going to open up the football game with it. And they're not going to open graduation ceremonies with it. They're not going to lead graduation ceremonies with it they're not going to lead with a big impersonal top-down prayer okay i'm done with that teach him some fucking arithmetic and the prayer like i i just keep coming back to the idea that that prayer

fucking says nothing like give us this day our daily bread who gave it to you? Who? Was it fucking God came down and was like, here's your fucking daily bread. Here's your daily fucking bread. One bread, please. You fucking prick. Do you solemnly swear to tell truth all truth and nothing but the truth? Why don't you answer him?

He's talking big like mine. I don't know what he's saying. He's asking you if you swear. No, but I know all the words. He's asking you if you'll swear to tell the truth. Truth is stranger than fiction, Judge Woody. So this next story, believe it or not, is from ABC News. Police investigating woman for violating adultery law. This is in Arizona. Evidently a lot of states, from reading this article, a lot of states still have on their books

laws that make it illegal to engage in adultery. And this dude is like trying to press charges against his wife for sleeping around. You just need to let it go, man. Well, let me just say like, you know what I really like is that fucking the funds of Arizona are going into fucking investigating your wife's fucking screwing around on you. Like people are taxpayer money because they said at the at the end of the article, it says they said that the investigation will be finished next week. So they've been spending time on this investigation.

They've been spending time and them spending time is you spending money on this investigation. Like for real, that's where we're at. And also at the end of the article, it says in Michigan, adultery is classified as a felony. I saw that. A felony. But you have a felony on your record. Felony. It's like I got drunk at the Christmas party and now I can't vote.

Newt Gingrich would be a felon. Right. You know, that's actually a good point. It's a good thing he's not from Michigan. Yeah. It's a good thing his wife didn't call the cops on him if they were in Arizona. Right. I wonder, like, is it where the adulterous act took place or is it where your marriage is registered?

McCain would be a felon. Like there's so many like Republicans, like top Republicans and Democrats. Yeah, let's not – it doesn't matter. But it's like a lot of people in Congress. Hell, a lot of people in the United States. It's adultery. It's not – this is more – this is another example of that moral policing bullshit. Like it's adultery.

That's a private business. It's a private affair. I don't want to spend my money to pay – look for somebody who was like having an adulterous affair. Like that's not a good use of tax dollars. Right. Well, imagine it, right? Like we got to send her to jail. Send him to jail. Somebody who was like having an adulterous affair. Like that's not a good use of tax dollars. Right. Well, imagine it. Right. Like we got to send her to jail.

Send him to jail. Why? We had sex with somebody that wasn't me. I don't care. What the fuck? You're the best 911 operator ever. Right. I don't care.

I'm on fire. I don't care. Well, that's the thing. It's like, wait a minute. Wait a minute. I could take a real phone call. Right. I don't care. I'm on fire. I don't care. Well, that's the thing. It's like, wait a minute, wait a minute. I could take a real phone call. Right, exactly. Yeah. You know, you're the cops.

I can't even believe you're investigating this. Next week they're going to finish. That means it's an ongoing investigation. She's probably hot and they just want to catch her in the act. This is totally an opportunity for us to use all this cool spy gear to watch this chick have sex and the woman is even making fun of it yeah tracy banks told the television station everyone thinks her husband's pursuit to have her prosecuted is funny because it is funny because this is like this is like uh some some Sharia bullshit.

I don't understand that shit at all. Taxpayer dollars, man, right there. Just let it go, old boy. Let it go. If you hold something in your hand. Free. Oh, man. Yeah, she's freed Willie already, bro. we lord we just asked it to be covered with the

blood of jesus open hearts lord open hearts so this next story is from bbc news um german priest admits 280 counts of sexual abuse now i don't think that's even the story at this point we can't even cover all and we do the show once a week we can't even cover all the all the uh right clergy that get caught in sex scandals the thing that that galls me the most about this story um is his attitude um he this is a quote it was never my impression that the children did not consent that the children did not consent you know germany's not a fucking third world country here where people don't understand like basic fundamental human rights that it's fucking it's western europe children can't consent to sexual activity

when asked in court if he was a pedophile, he replied, according to local newspaper, Braunschweiger Zeitung, it would be wrong to say no, but to say yes would also fall short of the truth. Well, these are obviously boys because it says he would give the boy presents, blah, blah, blah. It says boy. OK. And he would abuse him. It says occur three times a weekend. This guy, he doesn't think he did anything wrong. He doesn't think that this is a wrong thing. But yet these are people who don't think that homosexuals should be – should have unions. But it's OK to molest a child.

Like this guy in his own brain thinks it's OK to molest a boy child. Right. That doesn't – I'm not – fucking cognitive dissonance. I mean Jesus, there it is. Well, the thing is he just wanted to have sex with a nine-year-old boy. That's what he wanted to do. And any excuse for that behavior he's going to find because he's a pedophile. And to pretend, to pretend for a moment that he didn't think that

this was wrong again here's the problem we don't cover stories on this show of you know pedophile does awful act we cover them when they're leaders of people, when they're religious leaders. Right. Because this guy stands in a position of moral authority over his parishioners and, you know, presumably gives sermons telling people how to live a life, a moral life, how to achieve, you know, an afterlife, a beneficial afterlife. Hey, there's certain rules. And he fucks nine-year-old boys. Nine years old. We're talking about a fourth grader. That's fucking horrific, man. And he's going to try to say, well, it's not that they didn't consent.

They're nine. They're nine. We don't let nine-year-olds do lots of things. They enter into binding contracts with people, right? You don't let a nine-year-old sign a contract. You can't even let them join the fucking CD club. Yeah. You can't even let them like join Columbia House.

Yeah. I can't believe that he would say something like, I don't think it's that – I don't think I did any harm is what he actually said. I don't think I did any harm. No, I'm sure when they're all grown up. There's some harm gone. Some harm doing was done there, bro. They're going to look back fondly on that time when they were molested by a priest. And you'll be like, you know, it was great.

Playing t-ball. by a priest. And you'd be like, you know, it was great. Yeah. Playing t-ball. And then that priest, oh man, being a kid was awesome. Yeah. Terrible human being. Way to sully some poor kid's childhood.

Not just a kid either. It's like three of them. Yeah, well, only 280 counts. Yeah, yeah. You can count that on one hand if you use that same hand a lot. You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You can count that on one hand if you use that same hand a lot. You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers! I want the truth! You can't handle the truth!

So Cecil, the last story is from God Discussion again. Christian anti-abortion group says aborted fetuses are used in food taste enhancement tests. That's making everybody atheist because everybody knows atheists eat babies. So this is perfect. This is a great way for us to make sure that everybody becomes an atheist. Bet you can't eat just one. Once they pop, you can't stop. This is – you know, this – immediately I was reminded of like like the old the old school

like uh you know the jews are poisoning the well like the jews like baked bread with baby blood and you know like all that sort of like anti-semitic nonsense that was uh you know propaganda it's like really anti-abortion groups nobody eats babies i mean, look, if you want to have a conversation about abortion, about whether you think, you know, whether you're pro-life or pro-choice or whatever, you want to have that conversation, that's a conversation worth having. But you can't start out with you eat babies. You eat them like Kraft Foods. Kraft Foods. Pepsi is awesome. You eat babies. You eat them like craft foods. Craft foods. Pepsi is awesome. Pepsi.

Well, you know, I actually have an – I have accent at home. I have the accent can, but next to it I have baby accent. And the thing is, is like it's not actual babies, but it's made to taste like babies. You wouldn't believe what they put in baby aspirin. Yeah. Here's a hint. It's babies. Baby aspirin is made from babies.

Man, this Soylent Green is delicious. Oh, man. This is a way in which to discredit somebody through some fantastic means. And what's the worst thing that somebody could do? What's the – I mean cannibalism I think is – it's like the most reviled thing that you can do. So they pick the most reviling thing and they say, oh, there you go. They fucking eat babies. And you're eating the babies too because they put them in Pepsi and fucking mac and cheese. How finely ground do they have to be to be in your Pepsi?

I wonder if like fetuses taste like roe. Like you're just like. Caviar. That's delicious, baby. Spread some on a whiffer. Can you imagine the board meeting, right? Like you're sitting there like, what do you think of the new great taste of Pepsi? Good.

You know what people are really striving for today and what people really love? Babies. And you know what we should do? You've always wondered what the secret ingredient in Dr. Pepper was. Well, it's baby hearts. Yes, baby hearts.

The reason why we call it Dr. Pepper is we get all of our stuff from the doctor. Dr. Pepper's an abortionist? Bob, Dr. Pepper! Bob, Dr. Pepper! Bob Dr. Pepper! We've reached new lows, I think.

That's saying something, because we start off with a fucking spade and start digging at the beginning of every episode. I'm ashamed. Are you ashamed? You aren't ashamed, you liar. If only I could still feel shame. I know. Well, Cecil, we got some great reviews on iTunes. I want to encourage everybody who's listening to the show, just do me a favor. Like us on Facebook and subscribe to us on iTunes. There's a lot of people.

I know there's a lot of people that listen at work, that download through Stitcher, that listen off of our website. We appreciate all the ways that you've found to listen to this substandard show. But subscribing to us on iTunes helps us out. So, I mean, you seriously just have to click a button. And it helps us out. The reason why it helps us out is because it makes it so that our show gets higher ranked in religion other.

So right now we hover, depending on when our episode releases, between, say, 15 and 90 on those ratings. And there are shows that are in those ratings that are like in the tops of those ratings that haven't released stuff since some, since November, some since like April of last year. Like there's like a fucking Wiccan podcast that the last fucking episode came out like 2010. And it's so sad that our podcast is like number 90 and this is like number four. So if you could just subscribe to us on iTunes, iTunes then will recalibrate and it'll lift us up and hopefully more people will see the podcast. It just

spreads the word a little easier. And all it is is one click. And your ratings really help. I appreciate all the ratings. We've gotten some really great ratings. Yeah, we've got 90 ratings in the United States. Ratings all over the place from other countries, but almost 90 ratings from the United States. We want to thank everybody who's rated us, and we hope that you will rate us in the future.

So we got several emails from Villard. I'm sure I'm mispronouncing your name. I'm sorry. The Yard. The Yard. Actually, the V is a B. It's Billard. It's Billard. Villard, Billard sent us an, Billard, send us an email.

Now, he's from St. Lucia in the West Indians. West Indians? West Indians. I'm so sorry. I was just about to go on about how he makes fun of us for not knowing where that's at. You can't even pronounce it. He says Caribbean to you Americans. I didn't know it wasn't the Caribbean.

I thought that was just the Caribbean. What the fuck? Why do we have to rename everything? So he sent us several emails, which I really appreciate, with some just crazy stories about some of the nuts stuff that they believe down yonder where he's at. And we appreciate your email and your stories. Thank you very much for getting in touch with us and for listening to the show. These sorts of stories, too, remember you can share them on Facebook. We've got a Facebook page, a fan page.

You can go there and like us. You can post on the wall and engage in discussion. There's been a lot more discussion recently on the page. So you're welcome to find us on Facebook. We'd love to see these kinds of stories brought on Facebook. I think our other listeners would really enjoy them as well. Al sent us an email. Al is from the UK.

We know where that is. At least I can identify. At least I can pronounce you and K properly Jesus Christ and Al yeah how do my I'm in so incompetent couldn't pronounce his name you couldn't pronounce where he was from so I should have just

should just not read the email just skipped the odds email completely so ridiculous I don't even know if I'm probably not saying it correctly either but L enjoys the show. He sent us so many images, which are all phenomenal. The very first image, though, that I really like that he sent is Vermont Catholic. And it's got this priest, and he's wearing the whole priest outfit with the fucking Phelous hat and the whole nine yards.

And he's got an altar boy bent down in front of him. He's resting his hands on his head. And it is just awesome. It looks as dirty as you think. It's fantastic. Just fantastic. So we thank you very much, Al, for listening to the show and for sending us the image. I'm probably going to use one of these images for this episode actually.

Oh, my god. That's not the sort of – One of my favorites and I think is probably going to be on there is the little – it's the stick, the silhouettes holding hands and it says, caution, the pope is coming. I laughed out loud. That shit was awesome. I'm probably going to use that for this episode. So thank you, Al. Thanks for sending everything. That shit was awesome. I'm probably going to use that one for this episode. So thank you, Al. Thanks for sending everything.

We really appreciate it. And we also got an email from P. He gave his last name, only his first initial, so I don't want to give his last name out there. We kind of went back and forth a little bit with P. He took us to task. I'm going to read directly from the initial email. Sometimes I think you guys are a little mean

when it's not warranted, but overall the campings in Westboro deserve what they get. Seriously, you guys are offended by Obozo's welfare monopoly game. The poor are just as fair game as Christians, the rich, Democrats, and Republicans. Grab some Vagisil and

use it until the whining stops. Can't believe you would whine about that. Okay, fair enough. So I responded privately to the email, and I got another email from P just yesterday. And a little more detail as to his views regarding the poor. Cecil, I have no intention of mocking the poor. Yeah, that's not this show. If you're looking for a show that's going to mock the poor, Rush Limbaugh has a show, I think, that's daily.

I think so, too. That might be something that you want to listen to. Also, at the bottom of your email, just really quickly, you say the podcast is great. Thanks. It's not the best out there. Well, you're not the best listener out there, so that's fine. And it says, but I find, I find it funny and informative and worth my time to listen. Thanks, P. Thanks for listening. And he says, if I had one real complaint, I'd say that it almost sounds like a Republican bashing podcast instead of a skeptical one. At the beginning, we give you a disclaimer, P. It says, this podcast is skeptical and political. There is no welcome mat.

So we basically say it is a political podcast when we've started out the episode. And every episode starts with the same thing. So it is a political podcast. And if you're not looking for a political podcast, there's plenty of great skeptical podcasts out there that you could listen to and enjoy. We thank you for listening, and we appreciate the comments when you say your show is great. We're happy that you are a listener. And hopefully, you know, maybe as you listen, maybe your views will change. Maybe listening to us, because I do think that listening to the opposite side, especially when it comes to political issues, sometimes can help you broaden your mindset. So maybe listening to us will help

you broaden your horizons and broaden your mindset and maybe get a chance to understand poverty a little deeper than you currently do. So we hope that you keep listening and we really do appreciate the email. We also got an email from Mark. He said he's been devouring skeptic and science podcasts since his deconversion. He says our podcast is a goddamn shambles. But here's why he loves us. You know, Cecil, I can't help but notice that we get a lot of, my God.

You guys suck. But I love you so much. We're like the kid they're just afraid to hit. That was actually part of my wife's wedding vows. You're a shambles. I do, I guess. He said he listened in three days, 29 episodes. Jesus, he's got to be hearing us in his sleep.

I don't want to spend that much time with me. Exactly. I don't want to spend that much time with me either. But we thank you very much for listening and thank you so much for the email. He says his tiny URL is fully engorged. And he couldn't be more thankful. I'm glad that joke keeps going. That's good. That's what people – that's going to be chiseled in our tombstones.

Like that's the one thing that we said. It's a penis reference. Like that's the one thing that we said. It's a penis reference. Yes. We got an email from Patrick to Patrick Redmond who was on our show a couple episodes back. He's the host of Birmingham Skeptics in the Pub podcast and he's one of the members of Birmingham Skeptics in the Pub in Birmingham, UK. He sent us an email that was basically a copy-paste of his Facebook feed, and a couple people

– he has turned a couple people on to cognitive dissonance, and they had some nice things to say. And we want to – we just want to say thank you, Patrick. Thanks for just adding a level of sophistication to our show that we could not achieve by coming on it. And also thank you for sending us that message. We really appreciate it. And we hope you heard last time, Patrick, that somebody loved you because they loved your accent. So we're sharing the love here.

That's why I love Patrick actually. It's the accent. I'm just saying. Come over to the States anytime, big boy. He also said, I do want to mention, I'm still enjoying the show. So we haven't fucked it up too bad. Yeah. I like that because it sort of implies that he's waiting for that moment.

He's going to drop it like a bad fucking habit. He's just like, oh, my God. That's enough. That's enough of that. Yeah. That's what I'm not listening to this week. Well, as usual, we are going to wrap the show up. Please get in touch with us any way you can. We appreciate any and all feedback, even the stuff that we make fun of.

And until next time, we're going to leave you, as always, with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter mommy issue issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead pan, sales pitch, late night info docutainment. Leo, Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts,

Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. Thank you.