Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 303: Saint Bernard

Episode Date: July 4, 2016

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Cecil, Tom, Mark, calling from Colorado. Just want to let you know that last night, Mr. Gordon Klingenschmitt lost his Republican primary. So, as far as the Colorado State Legislature goes, we're not going to have Gordo, Kling, and Schmidt take a round anymore. I'm sure he'll keep saying stupid stuff in Jesus' name, but not as a sitting state representative. All right. Glory, old gentleman. Hey, Matt.

So, I was just hanging out with some friends tonight, smoking a little bit of weed and pondering life. some friends tonight, smoking a little bit of weed and pondering life. And it occurred to me, you guys have said before that the only difference between moderate religious people and radical religious people, that they just showed different parts or lighter parts of the Bible. It occurred to me that that's almost like choosing different paths in the world's shittiest choose-your-own-adventure book. Have a great night, guys. Glory, Hulk. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended.

The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording live from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skept skepticism and irreverence to any topic that makes the news makes it big or makes us mad it's skeptical it's political and there is no welcome at this is episode 303 of cognitive dissonance and cecil this is the first official episode that we have done where I am legally a single man.

It's it. It's done. Wow. I know. I know. It's amazing. Drink it in, ladies. It's amazing.

Drink it in. The things that they'll be drinking, you know, the stench. That's number one. Keep going. Yeah. As long as you're willing to drink. Number two, their bile. Your gag reflex? Yeah. As long as you're willing to drink. Number two, their bile. Your gag reflex.

Yeah. The gag reflex is not triggered by anything long, however, though. It's not triggered on the front of the tongue, right? That's just the sweet receptors. Just keep going. It's fine. No, it's like a popsicle. It's like a wintergreen.

So, fucking all the single ladies, huh? I know, man. I know. That's outstanding. You know, if you don't like it, take the ring off it. You know what I mean? I actually went out to breakfast after we signed the paperwork. My ex-wife and I went out to breakfast and we hashed out a few

things and just talked about some details. And we're paying and there was a jar of ring pops. And as a joke, I was like, I paid the guy and I'm like, oh, do you want a ring pop? And she's like, I don't think you should give me a ring the same day you divorced me.

It would have been better if she gave you a cock ring. Or maybe if she'd given me a cock ring, I wouldn't have divorced her. Well, the thing is, now that you're divorced, shots fired, bitch. I can suck it. Well, congratulations, or I would say condolences, but I know you. So congratulations. Oh, thank you.

How exciting. How exciting. Oh, thank you. How exciting. How exciting. So here we go. Here we go. Chapter two, the long and lonely road. It's a trail of tears. Chapter two, I die alone. No, I got divorced, man.

It's fine. That's awesome. So the story comes from the Raw story. Mormon leader thinks Joseph Smith's... This is very difficult to read, actually. Let me try that one more time. Mormon leader thinks Joseph Smith's seer stones were real because the iPhone exists.

And that is actually, unlike most of the real raw stories titles for their articles that's actually a pretty decent summation of his art and it's not it's not snarky either because that's basically what he says right um he says he says that right and he said they think it's real because the the iphone exists and that's you know to be honest the only reason i think the clitoris is real is because porn hub exists that's the only evidence we have. There's no other. That's the only evidence I've ever seen that women enjoy sex. At this point, you're like, you look at it, you're like, okay, Mormon's argument checks out.

All right, yeah, that's it. Gotcha. I know that it's theoretically possible. I guess that's what I'm saying. So, yeah, the argument here is like he holds up his iPhone. He's just like, yeah, this iPhone's super sweet. This iPhone's super sweet. This iPhone's super sweet, bro.

It has lots of information I can get. Hey, say this out. Angry bones. I'm kind of a big deal. I got top 100,000 and two dots. I don't know if you know. I just beat 2048. I'm going to delete it. I don't even have any reviews for it anymore. I'm that good. Hey know. I just beat 2048. I'm going to go and delete it. I don't even have any reviews for it anymore. I'm that good. Hey, friend me

on Words with Friends. He says that they're like, that God basically gave Joseph Smith these seer stones. It's a divine iPhone. Essentially, God created the iPhone for Joseph Smith.

Well, the iPhone 6. However, do you know the Seer Stone story? Yeah, well, isn't that where... I'm going to read it from Wikipedia, if you don't mind. Just really quickly. I just want to read it. Okay. So here's how the Seer Stones worked, Tom.

This is an actual living religion right now today that has millions of followers. Hold on. Hold on. Are you just going to use the phrase at any point, reformed Egyptian? Because that is my very favorite part. I may. Okay. He put the seer stones into a hat and put his face in the hat, drawing it closely to his face to exclude the light.

And in the darkness, the spiritual light would shine. A piece of something resembling parchment would appear. On that appeared writing. One character at a time would appear. Is his face still in a hat right now? It's in a hat. And under it was the interpretation in English. Brother Joseph would read the English to Oliver Cowdery, who was his principal scribe,

and when it was written down and repeated to Brother Joseph to see if it was correct, then it would disappear, and another character with the interpretation would appear. Thus, the Book of Mormon was translated by the gift and power of God and not by the power of man. He basically read the holy word of God in the same way you use a black light to check if there's jizz on your hotel sheet. You shut off all the lights. You get out your seer stone and you see if someone ejaculated on your pillow. Right. That's what you do.

And the answer is yes. And you're like, why the pillow? Why the pillow? Did you fuck first and then rub the pillow on yourself? And then did you put your head on it? You put your fucking head on it. Why are you looking at me? You put the jizz all over the pillow.

Well, yeah. You pull out. You run forward. It's like, here's for your face, little missus. It's here. It's there. But then you laid on it. No, you flipped the pillow over. It's somebody else else's problem that's why you're in a hotel so like

someone else's problem that's how hotels are you get into a hotel you get into a hotel you take a shower you take a towel off the rack that the last guy and you would never let somebody just somebody just rub their ass on that towel 24 hours ago you're like i'll rub my face in that it's hotels are hotels they're all built on plausible deniability that's why i wipe my ass with every towel in the hotel i don't use toilet paper ever i grab the hotel towel and i wipe it out be like while you're washing that fucker now there we go and guess what i don't oh look at me i got a green policy. Guess what, motherfucker? I got a brown policy.

I'll hang it back up. You better check. I'll even fold it nice. Like that scallop shape. It's folded like a butt crack. And then you open it up, there's a big shit stain in the middle of it. I make sure to eat Chipotle right before I check in. It's just Chipotle and indian food fuck you there we go oh my god is it green they have a baby

i wanted to i wanted to read a part of this article though because it's a fucking raw story editorializing sometimes sucks. This is amazing. Unlike the seer stones, however, Bloomberg reports that Apple spent 2.6 billion in research and development for the moment. They began work on the iPhone until it was released. Most of the company's focus was spent on developing the iPhone.

No information is available on the cost or acquisitions of Smith's seer stones. It is a really good snark. The bitchiest thing. It's so amazing. It's a really good snark. It's so amazing. I love it. It's really good.

I love that he has to take the stones and put them in a hat and then he sticks his face in the hat. He can't just turn the lights off. It's like a glory hole for your book. The best part is this is like 18 whatever the fuck. It's not like there's lights in your house. Just blow out your candle, you fucking ancient dirt bag.

No kidding, right? Like, go down to your root cellar if you need to turn the lights off. It's not like everywhere I go, it's so bright. You have a scribe in the room with you. The last time you needed one of those. Where would you even get a scribe? What if I need a scribe? Why?

I don't know. Maybe I'll get seer stones. I got to put my face in a hat and read. Hello. What are you, some kind of dick? Wakefield is not just any researcher. His 1998 study on autism and childhood vaccines literally changed the way many parents think about vaccines. The study was based on just 12 children.

That's right, 12 children. But many parents desperate for answers around the world embraced Wakefield's claim that he'd found a link between autism and the vaccine for measles, mumps, and rubella. This story pisses me off. This comes from National Post. This fucking Jesus hippie-looking motherfucker. Jen Garson, two martyrs and one child victim for the anti-vaccination cause. We actually covered this story when it happened.

But I'm bringing it up again because these people are doubling down on their bullshit. Yeah, they are. And it's pissing me off. So these two fucking dirtbag shit parents let their fucking kid their toddler die from bacterial meningitis all right so we covered this a while ago it's basically this kid gets fucking meningitis and is in terrible agonizing pain and they couldn't even fucking cram this kid's fucking stiffened body into a car seat. They took him to a fucking naturopath and rubbed some dirt and oils and shit on it. Yeah, yeah.

Maple syrup. Right, yeah. And fucking hot sauce and ginger root and fucking pancakes and who knows what else. They fucking sang happy birthday. Whatever was in the fridge. Whatever, yeah. Just like take everything. It's like a bad fucking Cosby episode, right?

Where they're like, there's gum in Rudy's hair. It's got mayonnaise in there. It's just fucking. fucking Cosby episode, right? Where like, there's gum in Rudy's hair. It's got mayonnaise in there. It's just fucking, you just open the fridge, you're just like cracking eggs on the kid. Well, with the fever, it'd just cook right there. You know what I mean? Like, yeah. Well, and then they fucking folded him into all kinds of yoga poses. Right.

And put fucking syrup on him and put him in a bath, took him out of the bath, put him in the bath, whatever they did. Right. And nothing worked. Yeah, because it's bacterial meningitis, right? The thing that might have worked is taking him to the doctor. They didn't do that one. No.

And it seems like that's the obvious choice? Hmm. And then the other thing that pisses me off is the kid fucking dies, and then that's when they call an ambulance. Right. Well, fucking why? Why at that point? Like, what is it about now that you're just like, oh, I guess maybe now medicine's useful?

Fucking then was when the medicine was useful. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the reason we're talking about it again, and I'm sorry, but the reason we're talking about it again is because now they're trying to talk, they're doubling down. The parents are coming back and they're firing out and they're making this a big PR thing. Yeah. Making this this big anti-vaccine choice shit and they even got leniency from the judge so they came out and said like the woman gets to stay with the kids one of

the guys that they're interviewing is like hey well it's just great a that the kid that she gets to stay with the kids a because uh because we were real worried about that that she was gonna go to jail where she's real sorry. And then they decided that they were going to just instead, eh, just let her stay with the kids. And I'm thinking, well, fucking, she was terrible at it before. Right. And now you're happy? You're excited that this woman got, like, I would keep her away from children.

That's like your job now. Right? You are bad at the parenting portion of this program. And then the dad got sentenced to four months in, like, hard labor syrup camp or whatever they do up in prison. He's got a lumberjacketry or something. Exactly. His prison uniform is like a plaid shirt with blue jeans and a toque. You know what I mean?

They bring him into the prison. They just apologize. We're very sorry, sir. Sorry. Yeah, somehow he he gets more punishment i don't really know why or how because he because he was he was the one that they said was more it was his choice more than it was they said he was more culpable but i was just like well why but the fact is is they had this guy talking and in this video this guy is basically saying well he didn't say exactly what they wanted to hear which is why you should take him to the doctor or that he should take he should have taken him to the doctor but he said he would basically do everything and i'm thinking he didn't say that he would take him to the doctor in the future instead he said i would do anything to have my kid back well you

fucking you could have done the one thing called take him to the goddamn doctor so easy as taking him to the doctor i I can't imagine. One of my children is in agonizing pain and his fucking body is so stiff that you can't cram him into the shape of a car seat. And then you're just like, oh, that's fucking weird. Hey, light as a feather, stiff as a board anyway. Whatever. And he tries to blame the ambulance. He says he blames his son's death on the fact that the ambulance did not have proper resuscitation or breathing equipment.

Oh, fuck off. He says, but according to his own testimony, the kid was blue before the ambulance arrived. He's not a smurf. Yeah. You know, like, they fucking probably gave him smurf berries. No, he's a smurf now. He's a smurf now. Fucking corpse-y smurf.

Yeah. Let me tell you something, Alan. Let me tell you something, Alan. If America continues to reject the mercy of the Christian cross, America will live under the tyranny of the Islamic sword. All right, this story comes from Right Wing Watch. This is Rick Wiles wondering if ISIS killed Christina Grimmie. She's evidently a singer person that got murdered by a fan. Probably like the same day, I think, as the Orlando shooting. Now, Rick Wiles is doing his thing here, but he's on the Jim Baker show.

Right. I've been thinking about it and praying and wondering, is there a message in these three tragedies? You know, the name of the nightclub is The Pulse. And what came to my mind was can you feel America's pulse? What?

They just added a whole sentence in front and used the word pulse at the end of the sentence. What, are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Wait a minute. Hold on a second. What came to mind?

What came to mind was this sentence that clearly fits my agenda and uses the word pulse. Exactly. Are you fucking, are you high? Does that nightclub represent the pulse of America? No, it's a fucking nightclub. Is it supposed to? Does fucking the movie Independence Day represent how we celebrate Independence Day each year by killing aliens?

Punch aliens in the face. And like giving them. Welcome to Earth, motherfucker. Giving them fucking viruses or whatever. Like giving them computer viruses. That is a really exquisitely stupid thing to say. Isn't that dumb? I mean, that is like.

Does it represent the pulse of America? Fucking no. I don't know. Fucking seven? That question doesn't even make sense. I can't answer it. I don't know fucking seven that question doesn't even make sense. I can't answer it. I don't know but the state has been hit by three tragedies and This the shooting of the of the singer

What's her name Grimley? Yes, Christina Christina Christina Grimm the very first thought I had when I heard about it was Was it an Islamic attack? Now there's been no reports about it. That story disappeared because it was overshadowed by the Orlando massacre. Was it an Islamic attack when a single person dies?

No. Probably not. Very deeply unlikely. The Muslims like to kill them in mass, man. They get a bogo. They want to make sure they get as in mass, man. They get a bogo. They want to make sure they get as many as they can. They're bargain hunting. The fucking purse strings are real tight over there. They got a barter.

It's like trying to buy a fucking rug in the bazaar. I'll only kill her if you throw in the camel. Does she have 72 friends that I could also kill at the same time? You know, I do want to pause and say, like, it sucks, obviously, that when anybody gets murdered, that is a tragedy, right? But this is not a more much tragedy because she's a singer, right? It's not a bigger, more important tragedy because she happened to be on television. It's so true.

People get killed in Orlando, and that sucks. And it sucks every time that it happens. But this is not a bigger tragedy than if somebody gets shot in a grocery store robbery. What's the difference? We're on the west side of Chicago. What's the fucking difference? Some little kid gets shot in the face because somebody was doing a drive-by. You might hear about it on the news, but they're never going to hear about that in California.

It's not a tragedy. It's not a tragedy in the national sense is what I mean. It's not being – and nobody's like, oh, I wonder if that was an Islamic attack. Nobody's going to think that any of the killings on the west side or any of the killings on the south side of Chicago, of which they are legion. There's a lot of killings in Chicago. of which they are legion, right? There's a lot of killings in Chicago. Nobody's going to think that any of those,

unless they're perpetrated by somebody who's of the Islamic faith with the specific aim of committing a terrorist attack, is going to think that they're a terrorist. Nobody's going to think that. Yeah, and let's be honest. Nobody outside of Chicago is even going to know. Yeah. Nobody even pays attention. Not the onesies, twos no nobody even pays attention not the onesie twosies nobody pays attention right but i mean a guy just walked up at the

end of a concert and shot her yeah for no reason the reason i instantly considered the possibility that it was a hit was because they hit a minor celebrity like what are you kidding me it's like like isis is going after fucking Q list celebrities. Like, oh, you were once on a television program where people do karaoke to, to like, that's like a worst. Also, it's, it's like inefficient for ISIS in general, right? Dude, fucking ISIS wants to kill a bunch of people at the one time. They don't want to just be like, oh, so you killed that one person then got

caught. Well, that's fucking useless. Unless it's the president. Nobody gives a shit. That's what I mean. That's what a hit is, right? Like a hit or an assassination would have some kind of agenda. It's kind of gravitas to it, right?

It's like, oh, I killed Bill. Like, oh, fucking, okay. Who is that again? It's like fucking shooting David Copperfield. Nobody cares. I have a question, though, a kind of a sincere question relative to the tragedies that did happen kind of back to back to back in Orlando. Do you think it's even possible, like remotely, that the alligator

that ate the toddler could have been an ISIS alligator? Is that could that have been an ISIS hit? Could it have been could it have been an islamic jihadist i would say alligator i would say it's it's the lone nut alligator and not an isis because because the the isis alligator would have made his way to say a fan boat and turned over the whole fan boat and ate everybody there because you want to go for the maximum amount of damage again again you're right it's an efficiencies issue. Or he would have just filled up with a bunch of explosives into its alligator bags, and then it would have...

Its alligator bags? It reminds me of the crocodile from Peter Pan that's ticking. Yeah. In just days before that killing, ISIS had published a kill list. This is Casey Coran Kasem with a top 40 kill list. This is a long-distance dedication

going out to a suicide bomber in Pakistan. It's a kill list that includes people who have been on The Voice? Yeah. Like, why? Well, a kill list is just stupid to publish anyway. Well, they're just sitting around

and it's like, they're like, I would not have sent her to California. Like, this is bullshit. If they have martial law, everything stops. You can't even go from one town to the other town.

So you're going to have to have some food in your house. And we have designed food. We've created it. We've worked with the best people. They've designed food? They've designed and created food. Designed food?

Hey, guys, want to come over for dinner? I designed and created a meal. Super weird. Couldn't you have cooked it instead? Maybe next time try preparing and cooking it. Kind of awkward. Like, what are we, to Linnea? What somebody needs to do is not just eat his garbage.

They need to take it to a Linnea and fucking put the nitrous in there and make like a fucking. Make a frothy foam out of it. Make a foam out of his potatoes. Everything is a foam. Yeah, turn something into a tiny crisp cracker or something. You got to like huff a fucking edible bag of his fucking tortilla chips or whatever. Yeah, if I could eat something that's not a gringo food. Tim, we're one crisis from martial law. Aren't we always one crisis from martial law?

It depends on the crisis. I mean, no, but like one good, really good crisis. I mean, that's what I mean. It's a big enough crisis. A nuclear weapon. Yeah, we're always one nuclear weapon away from martial law. But like, we're one nuclear weapon away from nuclear annihilation, right? It's a stupid fucking thing to say.

It's like, if the prerequisite for the thing happens, then the thing occurs. Well, no fucking shit. That's like, we're one space shuttle away from a space shuttle okay what does that what does that mean it doesn't mean anything it makes me want to hit you so hard one crisis we are one crisis from marshall did we hold i'm gonna go back to it did we think we had a a preordained number of yeah yeah it's like it's like do not pass go do not collect three or four crisis yeah crisis is crisis crisis yeah christ chris and if we declare a total martial law as opposed to the haves these versions if i double dare dog dare your martial law our leaders will not have

an election they will have to stay in office whatever they are as evidenced by the never than that happened never happened oh yeah even during world war ii they still had an election yeah he just fucking won got fucking four times you hear the sound of that that's me railroading over the top everybody else but seriously though like they're still in an election it's not like they didn't get gave up on the fucking election. They still had the election. And during the Vietnam War, they had multiple elections. We've never had, I guess, I guess like maybe if it was fucking election day and like nine bombs went off across it, we might be like,

let's cancel election day for a couple of weeks or whatever. But they would have it still. I think they still would. Like if there were still people around and the ability to count votes. Because that's what happens with martial law. It's everything freezes. I think it's very conceivable that this

year's elections possibly could be postponed. It's conceivable that it could possibly, maybe perhaps Bullshit, dude. Bullshit. All this is is just fucking trying to drum up bucket money. I know.

That's all this is. These guys are more fucking aggressive about bucket money than the bucket boys in Chicago. Fucking so transparent, it's pathetic. God, it's like the assholes are like, do you have a second for human rights? Fuck off. This is the most volatile election since the Civil War. The fucking, are you talking about? Does it even make any sense?

I don't know what that, I don't even know what that means. What is volatile about this election? Are they lynching black people? What is volatile? We're going to show up and we're going to pick one person or the other person. Are we freeing an entire race of people from slavery? I don't understand. Then no. Our country is on the edge of civil war just a few days ago jim police arrested a woman in uh in texas a

middle eastern woman who had in her possession the um drawings and plans of natural gas pipelines she didn't have them because it's not a true story. It's just not a true story. It's just fucking a blatantly not true story. Like Snopes called this fucking, this precinct up where this supposedly happened and said, do you have anything? Like, we haven't heard anything about this.

It's an internet lie. It's an apocryphal story. It's a fucking internet lie. And people are spreading it because this guy, like, here's the thing. Who cares whether or not your idiot audience is never going to look this up. They just want a bucket of food. They want to feel safe.

They want to hug their bucket of food to sleep when they sleep with it. Actually, their bed's made out of buckets. That's right. They got bed buckets. Bed buckets. What was she doing? Yeah. What are they planning?

What do you mean, what are they planning? Stop your doing? What are they planning? Stop your shit. What are they planning? If your story was true, which it's not, it's all made up, then they would clearly be planning to blow up natural gas. You don't have to fucking, I don't know what they're up to. I don't know what those crazy, wacky terrorists are up to.

Yeah, you do, but it's not real. You've essentially connected all the dots for your fake story. We're headed, you do, but it's not real. You've essentially connected all the dots for your fake story. Right. We're headed this summer, I am convinced, the summer and this fall. Or next year, or the following year. Right. It's either going to be this summer,

this fall, or this winter, or maybe next spring, or possibly next summer and fall. Unless God intervenes, this is going to be the bloodiest, goriest time in America since the Civil War. Why?

Well, because everybody has to get a sawbones amputation. Piles of human limbs. You gotta pick. Pick what you're getting cut off. Pass. Just go with the head. I want it all. I want the whole thing. If I go with the head. I want it all. I want the whole thing.

If I go with my head, I keep my whole body. Win-win, mother. I tricked the system. This summer and fall. Since the Civil War. This summer and fall. If God does not intervene, Jim. Yeah, see, that's perfect.

Get out of accuracy free card, right? There's your you can't return your buckets card right there. I know, right? It's like, can I get a shit didn't explode refund? Hey, Jim, you know, you said during the summer, you had that asshole guest on that said during the summer, fall, winter, spring, or one of those seasons. During a season. During one of the seasons that is upcoming. Wait a minute.

There would be a crazy happening, and that crazy happening did not happen we wound up uh electing uh president trump and things are wonderful so why are you saying that nothing has happened so except for the you know the fact that we did elect president nothing happened jim so can i have a refund no you didn't check our clause that says. Maybe God intervened. God intervened. Yeah. Sorry, God intervened.

And his intervention was to get President Trump elected. Why are you saying that? Because. Why are you using those words in that order? That's the only way that I think logically President Trump would be. I can't stand the sound of that ever, ever, ever. You and fucking Eli. I'm going to fucking clunk both your fucking heads together. Want to contact the guys? Go to DissonancePod.com to get links to their Google+, Facebook, and Twitter accounts.

If you want to contact them directly, send an email to Dissonance.Podcast at gmail.com. Or you can call and leave a message at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. Do you want to support the show? Go to patreon.com. That's p-a-t-r-e-o-n.com forward slash dissonance pod or click the link on the podcast homepage, and you can donate to the production of Cognitive Dissonance on a per-episode basis. If you can't spare any money, take a second to give us a five-star review on iTunes or Stitcher, or spread the word about the show. We want to send a big heartfelt glory hole to all the patrons and people who rate us. You fucking rock. This is from Right Wing Watch. James Dobson.

Obama's transgender rights guidelines are an effort to sow chaos and impose tyranny. This is the same garbage that Rick Wiles was just droning on about. So this is essentially the same thing. When Obama issued the letter, he had it signed by his officers in the Justice Department and the Education Department, and it was served to the public schools across the country. Seems like the right people to sign it. Yeah. Right? Right. He had it signed by the proper parties.

Like a dick. Like what? Okay. It's like I'd have a waiver filled out the other day at work, and it's like got a number of people that have to sign it it's like oh you got that waiver signed by the people in corporate that are supposed to sign that particular document in order for it to be in full force and effect what are you some kind of bureaucrat you know what's funny yeah i'm in an actual bureaucracy the people the people are are thinking well you know what he should have had to do was go uh you know jerk off the entire republican party and sign with their hard dick and semen you know because that's what really should have done is fucking giving them

all a fucking blow job and had them finish on his face maybe you should have grabbed bader's boner and fucking worked it out like okay so if you're a school administrator and you are at the local level you see this from the federal government and you think you have no choice but to accept it. We shouldn't have to accept something like this because it flies in the face of our personal beliefs. Because we don't like it. Yeah, because we don't like it. Because I don't like it.

Because I'm going to fold my hands over my chest and be like, I don't like this. And I'm going to stomp my foot and pout and stick out my lower lip and be like, I'm totally mad about this one, guys. Beep. Really? Really? That's how laws and government work? Think about if that twat in that story

that fucking gave his kid fucking log cabin earlier, if that guy fucking... You're such an asshole. That guy fucking... It was his personal belief, and he was like the fucking school nurse or whatever like worst job ever for that guy right school nurse it's like fucking captain rub some dirt on it or whatever can you imagine what a bad nurse fucking wrist is all floppy

and he's just like there's some syrup in the fridge over there i fell off the monkey bars my head doesn't work hey just fold him up if he's straight just put him in his desk it doesn't matter just shove him right in there give him some oatmeal it'll be all right sorry yeah anyway anyway if twat waffle fucking like if he was if his personal belief was oh i'm never gonna call the emts or whatever right like fucking who gives a fuck what your personal belief is nobody fucking cares what your personal belief is whether you fucking think david ike's book is fucking really a treasure trove of the biggest secret doesn't matter i don't care what your personal belief is when you're fucking when you're administrator for a school you deal with fucking what the rule of the law is and rule of the law says hey can we all just forget about

fucking where people are going to the bathroom so that people feel a lot less uncomfortable about it? Is that possible? Well, it doesn't matter. It's like if you're the fucking school administrator and they're like, hey, man, Common Core. And you're just like, but I don't like it. Well, fucking tough shit. It's your actual job. Look, every now and again, my boss is like, do this hard, tedious task.

I'll be like, oh, but I don't want to do it. That doesn't mean I don't have to do it. I don't get a fucking. It means I have to delegate it don't want to do it. That doesn't mean I don't have to do it. I don't get a fucking. It means I have to delegate it to somebody else to do it. Get out of this free card. It's get out of this and pay them a lot of money card. Right. And it flies in the face of the Constitution of the United States.

So I ask you, why in the world would Obama at the end of his second term want there to be chaos? Where is the chaos? That's why I picked this story. The very best part is him listing all the chaos, which is what he's going to do right now. I know, but I just want to point out that it's super not chaotic in here right now. Right. Like as you drink a Perrier water, right? Like if this is the end of the world right now, you're just like,

I've got fancy bubble water. I just drink fancy water in a glass bottle. I feel amazing. All right, so let's listen to all the chaos time. There's a lot of chaos. I know there is.

It's going to be awesome. You know, Brian, I don't think that is an objective that he came to after seven years. It's been there from the beginning. It seems like everything he's tried to do has been to move us toward chaos. Chaos in the military. Okay, chaos in the military.

Really? Did you notice the coup d'etat that didn't happen? Did he, like, shoot a missile at one of his generals, like fucking Chubby McCorey? Well, he did, but then they had the Scud missile system defense, Patriot missile that went up. Well, all the generals are protected by Patriots. Oh, nicely done. Chaos in medicine.

What? Chaos in medicine. What is the chaos in medicine? When I go to the doctor now, they used to just give me a flu shot and now they throw the flu shot at me. It's just like a dart. Like one of those guys who breaks balloons with knives. It's like one of those assholes.

They just throw it at me from across the room. You go to the doctor's office, and instead of a nice orderly line, people just running around in circles, like, ah, arms flapping. Just one random one is on fire. Certainly. Chaos in the family, in marriage. You got mine. There was some chaos in a few marriages. I'll give you a few marriages that had chaos.

Every now and again. Maybe one that was in this room. I'll keep one when I pull it out of the hat and it's not a practice. Jesus. I'll keep one when I pull it out of the hat. It's not a practice. That's the longest practice ever. Every 15 years or so, you got to hit the reset button. Yeah, you just got to let it go. Chaos in the judiciary, in the courts. That's not his fault.

He picked a guy. Yeah. He fucking picked a guy. Nobody will give him a yes or no vote. How is it his fault that fucking, that oldie McFatpants died? And he picked his successor. Charlie McHobgoblin. Yeah.

Fucking. God. That guy. You know what fucking Scalia looks like to me? There is a fucking, there's a fucking Sesame Street creature that would be like, yup, yup, yup, yup, yup, yup, yup, yup, yup, yup, yup. And it had that fucking mouth thing on it. And it looked just like Scalia.

Someone should put that goddamn thing in robes, and it would look exactly like Scalia. Chaos in the economy. In the economy. Economy's just kind of humming along. It's kind of okay. I mean, it's not fucking Brexit. Right?

I always thought Brexit was like a kind of cookie. It sounded delicious when I was reading about it. I was like, yeah, I'll vote for a Brexit. Brexit is like breakfast you leave with. You know? Chaos in every branch of government. Chaos in education from kindergarten through the largest

and most influential of the universities. No, I don't think that's the case. Like, I drop my son off at school and he just walks in. And then when I go

to pick him up, he just walks out. It's not like the building's on fire. They had a bee in his classroom the other day. That was a big deal.

Super big deal. He came home and told you about it. He was like, there's a bee. And I was like, what'd they do? And he's like, they shoot it out the window. That was the chaos in it. Thanks, Obama. I think that this guy doesn't understand what chaos is.

I think that's what it is, is that he doesn't understand what chaos is. What he's saying when he says chaos is things I disagree with. Maybe he means chaotic neutral. Is that a Dungeons and Dragons reference? I think that it is, but I don't actually know means chaotic neutral. Like maybe that's. Is that a Dungeons and Dragons reference? I think that it is, but I don't actually know what it means. Did I do okay?

No, not really. You didn't really explain it. I don't know what that means. What does chaotic neutral mean, Tyler? No, I don't know. I don't have any idea. I've heard you guys say it, though. I've heard you dorks talk.

I'm trying to do dork speak. God damn it. Football. It's been chaos. And now he's trying to tell parents how to raise their children. And that will be the most chaotic of all. The chaoses. It's going to be the most chaotic of the chaoses, guys.

That's a number seven chaos. That's the super chaos when he tells families how to parent, which he's not doing. No one is doing that. Nobody. Like, he's just saying, go poo where you want to poo. Where do you want to poo? I don't know. In that poo room, not that poo room.

We're actually having a conversation that revolves around which room people poop in. Because that leads toward the next generation. which room people poop in because that leads toward the next generation if he gets control of the next generation then his predecessors predecessors will have these his predecessors will have an easier time the people who came before they will have an easier wait a minute did i hear that right i predecessor. Because that leads toward the next generation. If he gets control of the next generation, then his predecessors will have an easier time of controlling us. Yes. He's saying that if we get control of the next generation, then the people that come before him will have an easier time with their time? When there are time machines.

Chaos and time machines. His predecessors. You know what I'm going to do, Cecil? I'm going to pave the way for my predecessor. I'm going to make it easier for my next guy, the predecessor. You know, the one that came before me?

That one's going to have a super easy time. And in turn, I'll have an easier time. My guy from the past is going to have an easier time in the future because what I do in the present. Wait. We'll have an easier time of controlling us. And that's what it comes down to. It comes down to tyranny. If the people have to take a choice between chaos and tyranny, they will always choose tyranny.

Why would they have to pick that choice? That's the worst choice. Because chaos is unpredictable and tyranny is generally not, even when you're under an oppressive regime. An oppressive regime run by predecessors. I think control is what it comes down to. Are you saying that he's setting the table for future? Future predecessors. He won't let that go. I'm not. It's the best.

Left administrations to run the table. Yeah, that's called his legacy. You hear that spoken of frequently on the news. He wants to leave America different than he found it. That's his actual job. Wait a minute. That's his literal and actual job. Why do they do this?

They say that all the time. Like, oh, he wants to change America, make it different. It's like fucking every single person who gets a job wants to leave that job better than when they came in there unless they're an asshole right right if you are a leader who campaigned on hope and change and then you don't make any changes you just what i can't i well what the president you are no like a dick you accomplish things like what are you kidding me it's it's it's hard to run on the on the platform of status quo right especially when a vote for me is a vote for nothing especially when your predecessor actual use of the term right was a Republican. Right.

Right? His predecessor was a fucking Republican who did things completely differently from how Obama, well, not completely. But frequently different. But frequently different than how Obama did things. He called it to fundamentally change America. That was his goal from the beginning. How do you change it? You change it with chaos.

And I want to say in closing, we're out of time here, but the history of America has been a people who had a passion for freedom. They were not willing to be tyrannized. They fought a revolutionary war because they were being oppressed and tyrannized. So then they clearly chose chaos over tyranny. No kidding, right? Which you're just saying – you just said in your own previous argument. You just said people would choose tyranny over chaos. They did.

And then you then use an example from our history where people clearly chose chaos over tyranny. Right. You're terrible at this. You're literally terrible at this. I think he really doesn't understand what those two words mean, though. I really don't think that these people – I think that there's so much hyperbole nowadays with how the government is treating people and how they view the government that these people think that this is actual tyranny. That someone saying, I passed a law through the proper channels, did all these things correctly.

This is tyranny? That it's tyranny. I'm serious, man. This is some milquetoast fucking tyranny. I think people really do think that when they talk about the way that the Supreme Court handled the gay marriage decision,

which was perfectly legal in every way, is tyrannical. I think the way they think that they handled Obamacare was tyrannical i think the way they think that they handled obamacare was tyrannical seriously though seriously though ask them ask them if it's tyrannical and i guarantee they would say it is i met 12 separate people who told me that they had experienced seeing apparent uh apparently a human uh shift into a reptilian so uh we wound up reading this last week chapter five we sure We sure read the whole thing. Of David Icke's book. We sure did.

The biggest, greatest, neatest, coolest, awesomest secret. The most expansive secret. Well, I did a quiz, Tom. Did you do a quiz? I did do a quiz for you. Okay, so I have the chapter summation, but I feel like if I do the chapter summation now, it'll give

all the quiz answers away. No, I don't think so. So I'm going to wait. I'm going to wait. I'm going to wait. Yeah, I think you're mistaken on that one. And I think, why don't I give you the quiz? You give me your quiz. Okay. My quiz is short like my everything else.

Hello, you ladies out there. What's up? Single ladies. So I will give you my quiz. And then afterwards, after you're done, I will then read my summation. Okay. All right. Let's do it. All right. So my quiz. Okay. I'm ready.

Multiple choice. Wait. Okay. I'm ready. I'm ready. Let's do it. All right. M stands for Mary. Yes. B, Madonna. Yes. C, McDonald's. D, motherfucking what?

And E, A, B, and C. It is A, B, and C, and also inexplicably at some point, like Semiramis. Do you remember that? It's like Madonna and Mary and McDonald's and Semiramis. And you're like, that just has an M in the middle of it. There's like an M in the middle, exactly. Fucking what? What is that?

Oh, yeah. Joseph was sold for 20 silver and jesus was turned in for 30 yes the following economic principle that describes why i know it's great a exchange rate b inflation c laissez-faire. D, the invisible fist. It's inflation. It's inflation. He gets funny in this chapter. Yeah, I know. There's a couple of times where he says.

He's actually funny. Yeah, there's a couple of times he's actually funny. Where he says the original sin, he's like, well, if it's not original, why do the sin? Yeah, it's like all my sins are real. That's a throwaway line. It's really funny. He's loosening up. You know, like his writing style is changing in chapter five. He's clearly drinking. Like, it's just what's going on. He's loosening up. His writing style is changing in Chapter 5.

He's clearly drinking. It's just what's going on. He's clearly drinking. I only have three more questions. I only have three questions. Ike experienced blank for the first time in 1990. A, Houdini. B, Kundalini.

I don't want to know this. C, Rigatoni. D, Ray Barbone. It's the Kundalini thing. Kundalini. He's talking about his own experiences with tantric sex. Yeah, exactly. It's like, there's a picture of your fucking ugly fucking mug on the back cover of this fucking book.

I can barely masturbate it looking at you. I can barely masturbate to it looking at you. I couldn't cum more than twice. More than three times. It was horrible. Pesos refers to A, floors in Spanish. B, a reptilian bloodline that wrote the story of Jesus and made the American Express logo. C, a topping at Chipotle.

Or finally, Pesos refers to D, how you tell a Mexican hooker you want a golden shout. D. Sorry, you're wrong. It's B, a reptilian bloodline that wrote the story of Jesus and made the American Express logo. I don't know how I got that wrong. And finally, the church is A, a farce founded on fantasy, B, a peck of pickled peppers, C, seashells by the seashore, or D, a woodchuck that can chuck wood. Definitely the woodchuck.

That's a farce. That's great. All right. All right. I feel inadequate again. Yeah, well, that's why you're divorced. Oh, no. Okay. All right. So I've only got a pretty basic quiz

here. True or false? Using the phrase, it is said, lends credence and weight to an argument. True. According to Mr. Ike. Indeed it is. True. St. Bernard defined God as height, length, and width. What did he leave out?

Brandy from his cask? The motion of the open. I can't picture anything but the dog. It's so funny. I seriously can't. So funny. St. Bernard is sitting there again. He's getting burned alive.

He's like, oh, Ricky, Ricky. They come with the Georgia. They pull off the Pope's mask. He's one of those meddling kids. It's amazing. Anyway, you're saying. Okay. Okay.

So, okay. Again, St. Bernard defined God as height, length, and width. What did he leave out? A, brandy from his cast. B, girth. C, the motion of the ocean. That's not even an answer. I don't give a shit. i'm going with girth i'm going with girth oh i'd be going with girth too if i could all right and two plenty the elder is two this is the third

question i did you miss did you misnumber them my eyes were a little teary huh you misnumbered something that's odd anyway continue please please i am giving you a look right now i know it says i'm giving you the same kind of look like you're like on a diet and going to get a fucking cupcake it's like really really is that gonna help people give me that look all the time they're just looking at you yep pliny the elder is A. A hard to find beer. It's true. B. Responsible for all manner of crazy reptile mystery school brotherhood

storytelling. C. All of the above. Both C and D. A and B. You misnumbered those letters. I did. I misnumbered the letters. All right. yes my summation my summation the following religions are garbage christianity judaism islam hinduism and all the

rest the following garbage is not garbage chakras alternative medicine and aliens the bloodline pisos wrote the jesus story the bloodline PISOS wrote the Jesus story. The bloodline PISOS wrote the Jesus story, links to Alexander the Great, Cleopatra, Julius Caesar, Herod the Great, French and British

royal dynasties, and all the U.S. presidents. Christianity is a huge lie and everyone involved at the highest levels are reptiles or reptile controlled and it suppresses

feminine energy, whatever that means means that's what i got i am i am legitimately astonished that you were able to that you're consistently able to make heads or there's nothing there though or or detached and yet still wriggling tails from this pile of fucking fetid excrement that is this book. It's so hard to read. There are several pages that your eyes just, I don't know about you, there's like two pages that just lists a bunch of shit. I know. My eyes just look at it.

I thought when we had Thomas on, we did the begats, but every chapter since then has been the begats. It's been like every single thing is, oh, and this fucking corporation has this, and this logo is this. I love when it's just like, it's American Express. You're just like, the fucking, the what? He just mentions American Express out of nowhere and says that they have a Centurion logo, so therefore they are. Their brotherhood control. Yeah, their brotherhood of the wolf.

I know, right? You know what was particularly the, yeah, their brotherhood of the wolf. I know. Right. I, you know, what was particularly upsetting though about this chapter is that he starts off this chapter being like, Christianity is bullshit. And here's why. And he actually,

I'm just kind of like, yeah, yeah, I'm with you. You know, I got you. Christianity is nonsense. So fine.

Fair enough. And then you're right. He's like, but totes reptile people. Oh yeah. And then he goes into some weird, like sexual segue, right? Yeah. Yeah. Where he's just like, by the way people. Oh, yeah. And then he goes into some weird, like, sexual segue, right? Yeah, yeah.

Where he's just like, by the way, people should be able to. And he actually makes them like, he's like, people should just fucking live and let live and have sex with who they like to have sex with. And you're like, okay, but it's literally. And then he talks about his own tantric sex experience and how great it was. I wrote an IQ about that. Do you want to hear it? I don't. Yeah, no, it's good.

I'm deeplyiku about that. Do you want to hear it? I don't. Yeah, no, it's good. I'm deeply upset about this. It's Kundalini that opened Ike's consciousness. Chakra, Chakra Khan. Yeah, the chakra section, man. Yeah, there's a whole chakra section. And he's just like, and it's amazing because he's just like, whoa, whoa, whoa. And then he disses on medicine for a second. He's like, and all these doctors think that we're just a pile of chemicals.

I have another IQ. Bring it home. I tell you. Bring it home. Drug companies are controlled by reptiles. That's why they test on rodents. I like it. I like it.

But he says at one point, he's like, oh, well, alternative medicine is way better. Right. And drug companies are killing you, and they know everything that is trying to kill you or something, and they're just bad. They're controlled by the reptiles, so they're trying to hurt you. And you should gently massage your chakra, and that's how you'll know that you're happy. It's weird, though, when the reptiles are running the drug companies, because when they have the rodents there, they're just like, after they get finished, they're like, you're

going to eat that? You you're gonna eat that you're gonna eat that and then they're like are they like they like unhinge their jaw by the way uh if you can unhinge your jaw send an email to oh you don't need to unhinge what are you gonna put a pizza in there? What are you doing? The Reptiles 2 also wrote the Bible, right? So they wrote the Jesus story. And this was a specific one called the Pistos that wrote the Jesus story. There's a big, long piece on that. But then they also wrote the rest of the Bible.

But then they got super mad because they wrote it in Latin, and then people couldn't understand it. So then when they translated it, they killed them. And I'm like, wait, wasn't your big plan to use the Bible to control people? But then you got super mad when they actually translated into the language that they wanted, that they could understand it more? If this makes – if this chapter makes sense to you, you deserve to have a fucking brick fall on your head. It's – because he's talking about – he spends most of his time on Christianity. because he's talking about he spends most of his time on Christianity and then at the very end he's like

oh yeah and also you know Islam and then he throws in the Mormons and then like blurbs out like Jehovah's right the Jehovah's Witnesses and you're just like wait a minute if there's one fucking ring to rule them all here and it's the fucking reptile ring of power

why do they just keep creating competing religions? You just need to create the one. That's all. I know. It doesn't make any sense. Why do you have all these? Why are they split off? I think it's because he would probably say that they're different

fucking reptile people have different you know like Are these like factions of the reptile people? They had mentioned that earlier. We'll probably get into factions of reptile people later on. You know, you mentioned bricks, but I got another haiku for you. Oh, bring it on. The rock is classic mystery school symbolism.

It symbolizes rocks. It does say that. And I have one more. Okay. The Piso bloodline. Piso writers. Piso rulers. Piso mahalo.

It's like wet floor, isn't it? It's wet floor, yeah. That's awesome. That's the only way I could understand it. We do have a clip. I don't know if you want to listen to Sarah. She read, at the very end, she read a piece from David Icke's book, The Neatest, Coolest, Ever, Most Secret.

The Most Bestest Secret. The Most Bestest Ever Secret. Oh, it's the most bestest. And this is what she read. The Most Smartest. These religions were set up to control, to create conflict between people, and to divide and rule the masses. Visions of biblical characters like the Virgin Mary, which have enhanced mainstream Christian

beliefs over the centuries, have followed a similar pattern. We have no idea what the Jesus team looked like. Jesus team? It's a fucking dream team, right? Because it's not fucking real. Is it just Charles Barkley? I wonder what their uh their sim i mean they would have to be crosses right that would be the symbol or would it just

be like a hand with a hole in it what what sport would it even be i don't know not basketball what can you play with a fucking hole in your hand i was gonna say well you the problem is he's got holes in his feet too i was gonna go with soccer but he's got holes in his feet too maybe lacrosse you can put the stick in there and kind of yeah flail at it a little bit if he puts got holes in his feet, too. I was going to go with soccer, but he's got holes in his feet, too. Maybe lacrosse. You can put the stick in there and kind of flail at it a little bit. If he puts webbing in there, he could just use his hand like a ping pong thing. There you go.

Or tennis. High lie. You know, again, you could make that cuppy thing. Bocce ball won't fall through that. No, it would be no good. Maybe that chuffing thing, like that Canadian chuffing sport. What is that called?

Curling? What is it? Curling, yeah. I like to call it chuffing because they got those little brooms that go across the ice. I think Jesus would be a pretty fine? Curling. Curling, yeah. I like to call it chuffing. Because they got those little brooms that go across the ice. I think Jesus would be a pretty fine chuffer. I think, yeah. Chuff it off.

But people always see them as their classic artistic depiction. Those who have seen visions which relate to the Bible stories have had shrines built to them. But those who see visions which are not biblical are condemned as working with the devil no fucking people that see visions now are given medication yeah all of them right pretty much all of them if you're just like yeah fucking see and talk to people that aren't here people i don't know that seems not good for you well look at i mean look at what happens lithium seriously though look at what happens with even you know even ike? Is one of these guys who said he, he was Jesus reincarnated. People thought he was crazy. You couldn't, I don't think you could today come out and say something like, Hey, I'm fucking, I'm seeing visions every night and I'm seeing Jesus

and I'm seeing all this stuff. I don't think that people would, I think if you were dead serious and people were in the room and you were having these conversations and things, people would hospitalize. People would hospitalize you. You can say you had it like fucking, uh, like fucking, uh,

Ricky Ricardo that one time when he's like, and then he spoke to us and he said, come inside me, Lord, come inside. You know, that guy, like that guy can say it because it happened behind closed doors and nobody

heard it and nobody saw it. But if that was filmed and that woman looked up and said, I just heard Jesus. And he said, use me, Lord. Use me like a fucking wet Kleenex after you fucking jerk off or whatever. Then people would be like, wait, what? But, you know, what's crazy is that the only vision that you can have where there's a possibility you don't get fucking shot up full of fucking Thorazine, right, is a religious vision. It's true.

He is right about that. Yeah, and that is true. Like, still in our culture, you can look up at the sky and fucking yammer-jammer to your fucking imaginary ghost friend right up there, right? And you can have, you can fucking speak in tongues, and you can do all this crazy shit. If you do the same exact thing, and you're talking to fucking Egon from Ghostbusters. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Right. All of a sudden people are like, wait a minute. He's doing the what with the who now? Well, I mean, look at the difference between somebody who speaks in tongues every week at fucking some Pentecostal church. Right. And Ramtha.

Yeah. What is the essential difference? There's no difference. They're both just bullshitting. But one person is looked at like a wacko. Right. And one person is like, oh, they're holy. William Cooper, a former operative with United States Naval Intelligence, said he had seen secret documents.

Naval Intelligence? What, do you fucking tell us where the whales are? Like, what the fuck do you do? Where's the boats? Oh, they're in the ocean. Okay, good. Are we going to use, like, machinery to find them? Yeah. What do we need use machinery to find them? Yeah.

What do we need you for? Who else? Hey, we're the U.S. Navy. Uh-huh. What's the story with the other navies? I don't know. Nobody really does anything with the Navy anymore. We just kind of boat around.

Pretty much just sailing. It's basically just a cruise ship with much just sailing. That's it. It's basically just a cruise ship with guns on it. You're fired. We're going to get fucking emails from the Navy. Oh, God. You guys don't understand the tactical advantages. Okay.

It's the jokes, guys. Jokes. Which claim that extraterrestrials had told the U.S. authorities that they had manipulated the human race via religion, Satanism, witchcraft, magic, and the occult. So they told the authorities this? Why would you write it down? It's the authorities are the reptiles.

Right. So what do they tell themselves? It's like you're calling you to tell you. Note to self. You wouldn't believe the dirty shit you were thinking about. It was me. Dear self right jerk off today enjoy it it's like don't pretend right you like you like film yourself jerking off and then you fucking send it to you so you can feel ashamed about yourself later what the fuck only if i'm

looking at grandma's actually i don Actually, that's not a shame. Grandma's fucking hot. Her old albums stuck together. Her memorial card. That's just fucking weird. I put some of her ashes in my jerkins. That's disgusting. This one's literally on you, Grandma.

Certainly, the human race has been manipulated and controlled through religion and Satanism. And Satanism. How is that not religion? I know. Right? Right. Like, we have to differentiate.

It's like religion and Satanism. And I like how he talks in this book, too. He debunks Christianity, right? He's like, that's some bullshit. Also, the Satanists are fucking some evil, shitty, like magic-using fuckers. And you're like, wait a minute. They're just Christians.

Yeah. We've talked about that. Like, you cannot be a Satanist and not be a Christian. And he thinks of Satanists like we think of Satanists in the sense that they're the made- up Satanists, not the real ones. Because the real ones are secular humanists that don't do fucking spells. They just want to put a fucking statue somewhere. I'm talking about the made up 1980s Satanists, like the guys that are not real.

The ones that he's saying like fucking that have a blood cult or whatever. Yeah, and they have black masses. Basically the guys who... They eat babies and all that. Yeah, the guys who fucking bankrolled Judas Priest. The only question is, are extraterrestrials or interterrestrials behind this?

As Cooper asks, were they indeed the source of our religions with which they had been manipulating us all along? The answer I would suggest is a very loud yes. Hmm. God. the answer I would suggest is a very loud yes hmm

God this that is just that's how he ends the chapter that's how he ends the chapter thank God it was my favorite part of this chapter it's a cliffhanger like Game of Thrones or The Walking Dead or something you want answers I think I'm entitled

you want answers I want the I'm entitled. You want answers. I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. So this story comes from the Raw story. Now, we covered Pastor Steven Anderson when he fucking lost his shit and said some mean-spirited, evil, hate-filled garbage after the Orlando shooting. He stopped short of telling people that gays should be killed. Well, no, he said they should be, but by

a righteous government. By a righteous government. So, it turns out that when you're a hate-filled shithead, sometimes that hate comes around full motherfucking circle. Real sad. It feels so bad for him. So this is his super fucking temper tantrum what is this

salty discharge uh that's semen cecil and uh why is your body is changing well cecil i i missed i'm sorry it happened sometime i didn't even miss actually actually no yeah giving you a little pink guy sharp shooter all right so this is pastor ste Steven Anderson crying a lot, and it's super sad. I love when he fucking box jumps onto the fucking podium. It's super the best. Let me tell you something. There is a full-out war going on on this subject right now. The bunch of filthy sodomite perverts, and if you don't like it, get out of here.

They're at war with us tonight. That's right. There's no perverts in your audience. I don't know that that's true. Let me take that back. There are no open perverts in your audience. No open perverts. There's probably a bunch of secret perverts.

There's that one guy who's looking over at his wife like, don't tell him about that thing we do. Don't tell him about where your hand's at right now. Don't stop with your hand either. I want the fist. And you know what? If you're fearful

and afraid and you don't want to stand up for the truth, just get out of here because I'm sick of looking at your cowardly face. I'm so mean. He's so mean. I hate you. I hate you guys all so much. I'm going to take my ball. I'm going to go home.

And you guys are duty heads. And Jim's a duty head. I love that he's so mad. He's so mad at his own congregation. I know. And he's the asshole who filmed it. I know, right? He's the asshole.

It's not like it got leaked to the press. You're the idiot who puts it on YouTube and Facebook. Right, yeah. Not going to put up with it. Let me tell you something. It's war. You know what the filthy sodomites have done toward our church

and us and our friends and our fellow pastors that actually have the guts to say what needs to be said? Here's what they've done in the last few weeks. Okay, here we go. I love it.

They got our PayPal account shut down so that we can't take any more online donations we set up with another company give let they got that shut down q give they got that shut down bit pay they got that shut down they shut down our itunes podcast they have an itunes podcast i that's not of all, you have a podcast available on iTunes. No kidding, right? You don't have an iTunes podcast. What's so funny is like, it's like even you know that. I know, right?

Even you know that. I hear that. I'm like, you sound technologically unsophisticated to a man who could barely turn on a computer. That's amazing. Right? Well, it's so funny because he's like, yeah, well, they got you pulled off iTunes because you're an asshole. amazing right well it's so funny because he's like yeah well they got you pulled off itunes because you're an asshole it's not like you can't just fucking use the the service or whatever that you were using before to fucking shit your podcast out fucking itunes doesn't store it for you

asshole fucking it's still available it just points at it it's just less bigots can find it right they shut down uh brother jimenez's paypal account they shut down brother Jimenez's PayPal account. They shut down Brother Romero's PayPal account. They shut down Paul Wittenberger's store where he sells all of his films and everything. Oh, that's how he makes his living, being a hate-filled asshole. Oh, wow. Oh, you know what else? They stopped selling the fucking Klan hoods.

I used to get those on Zazzle because I like the way they embroider the swastikas in there. It's really nice. You know, it's funny because you can still get all this money. You can still... All you need is a fucking credit card, a square thing for your iPhone, and like fucking a bank account.

I'm sure the bank didn't... The bank didn't give him his money back and be like oh yeah you can't right like you there's ways to get this money there's ways to have a set yourself up with a fucking business account there's you fucking nobody's gonna shut down a a shopping cart feature that you design on your own website yeah what he wants to do is he doesn't want to build any architecture too bad motherfucker you can't be a hate-filled bigot and use fucking other tools.

The thing is, is fucking PayPal has the right to look at you in the face and say, hey, guess what? We just don't want to do business with you. That's real fucking sad, but we don't want to do business with you. That's too bad, dude. It's super sad, but they could do the same thing to me, man. They could do the same thing to anybody. They essentially can basically look at the world and say, we're going to choose who we do business with. And you know what?

PayPal's a big enough fucking company. What does it matter? You could go do your fucking Chick-fil-A stand-in bullshit at another PayPal-like company, and they would not even notice. I know, right? They don't even care. Chick-fil-A, it's like we talked about before. Chick-fil-A didn't notice when I didn't buy a sandwich from Chick-fil-A. They don't care.

Every time I drive by a Chick-fil-A and don't buy a sandwich, you think the fucking CEO of Chick-fil-A is't notice when I didn't buy a sandwich from Chick-fil-A. They don't care. Every time I drive by a Chick-fil-A and don't buy a sandwich, you think the fucking CEO of Chick-fil-A is like, Tom, stop. Please. I miss you. Actually, they do factor in the amount of money they could make with you. From just me. Just from you. They're like, God, we could sell so much protein.

That guy. Amazing. His livelihood, that's his job. I mean, that's how he makes it they shut down his framing the world store off big cartel i mean they the the landlord of pastor jimenez is saying hey we're not going to renew your lease well fucking everybody has all these rights look man it's fucking it's a capitalist fucking system right if i go down if fucking, at this place, the place where we rent from, doesn't like our podcast, the next time our fucking lease comes up, they're going to be like, hmm, guess what?

Not interested. Yeah. It's their fucking right. They're just saying, no, we don't want your business here. It's real easy, man. It's the difference between free speech and consequence free speech, right? You say mean-spirited, hate-filled shit, and all of a sudden people are like,

we don't like meanies. I don't... Look, it'd be like saying, why can't I come to your house for dinner? Because they don't fucking like you! That's why! You suck! You can't come over for dinner!

And everybody thinks they just automatically have a fucking open invite to your dinner party. Right. No, you don't! You don't get that! That's not true! And people can do the same thing to us. There's been,

it's happened to other people with other PayPal accounts. That has happened, not just to religious people that are bigots. All across the board. Yeah. It's happened to many different types of people. So the idea that you're going to say like, Oh look,

they're just singling us out. No, PayPal doesn't do business with who PayPal doesn't want to fucking do business with. Period. Fucking. You didn't fucking, you agreed to the fucking terms of service when you signed the fuck up. Too bad, bro. Real, real sad. Should have fucking read that a little fucking more careful.

I mean, these people are dedicated. These people are researching. He's so mad. Good. They should be. You are the asshole saying it, man. I know. If you can't fucking hike up your fucking britches and be like,

brr, brr, brr, I'm ready to take a punch, then fucking suck it up, dude. Oh, it's so sad that they're researching me. They're researching. Well, you're the asshole who said it. You're the one who fucking started the fire. Well, guess what? Motherfuckers are going to be chucking logs on there because you're the one who fucking started it. You know what?

You didn't have to fucking say all that garbage. Well, guess what? You did. Oh, well, now it's out on the internet. Everybody's got it, and nobody's going to forget. It's just like if he was like, I was hitting that guy in the face, and he hit me back.

It turns out he's real strong, and now it hurts me more than my eyes black out. I didn't hurt him nearly as much. Well, that's real sad. And now it hurts me more than my eyes black out. Yeah, but I didn't hurt him nearly as much. Well, that's real sad. And here's the thing. When you throw yourself at the trolls, when you leap onto the fucking trolls like it's fucking gladiators and fucking Christians throwing themselves to lions. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Tell you what. They do not stop.

The internet doesn't have a short memory. Not only that, the internet has no mercy. The internet has no mercy. None. And it doesn't have a short memory. Not only that, the internet has no mercy. The internet has no mercy. None. And it doesn't have a short memory because people will find your shit. Six years from now, they're going to go to Patheos. They're going to see your shit show where you fucking said these people deserve to die. And they will have missed this entire debacle.

And they will find you six years from now and be like, you know what? Oh, that guy's an asshole. I think I'll fucking hack into his system and fucking drain all his funds or whatever they're going to do. They're finding out where we bank. They're finding out who we do business with. They're trying to get us shut down on all fronts. And you know what? Let me tell you something.

I'm sticking with you. He just jumped on top. He just totally did a little box jump. You're right. Well, I mean, it's kind of a big pansy box jump because he pulled himself up. He just totally did a little box jump. You're right. Well, I mean, it's kind of a big pansy box jump because he pulled himself up. But... The best part is he's clearly in a basement. Yeah, so he's got a...

He's doing the fucking golem lean right now. He's fucking looking at his precious right now. And I'm not going to back down. And I'm sick of people not backing me up on this. And you know what? If you're not going to back us up, then get out of here. We don't need your help.

And I'm down off the podium now. I don't want you guys to play with me if you don't like me. You know what? We have hundreds of people. Literally dozens. Literally seven. There are dozens of us. Both of you.

Two dozen. Hundreds of people here that will not compromise. And if you're not one of them, then get out. Everyone in the crowd is just like, yeah, yeah, we are. Not everyone in the crowd. There's only like three people yelling. There's only like seven people in the crowd. Crowd is an exaggerated term. That is a generous term.

I don't want to hang around with a bunch of fag hags and a bunch of queer baits and a bunch of effeminates. Get out! They said the three nastiest things I could think of. Well, and, you know, the part of it that kills me at this video is nobody who is even remotely sympathetic to basic human decency would be in his church.

Right. He's yelling, he's yelling, and he's preaching to the choir, right? It's like when you and I talk. It's like we're having this show. It's not like I have any illusion that there's somebody out there listening to this show with some fucking deeply held religious convictions, right? We're preaching to the choir. This guy is preaching to a bunch of people who clearly already follow this doctrine.

These are guys who are already backing him up. Nobody's getting up and leaving. Right. Nobody's like, oh, well, you didn't like gay people? I didn't know. I thought this was a rainbow-friendly church. I'm going to pack up my laptop and leave. I didn't even know you had free Wi-Fi.

Bill, get off my cock. We're leaving. Stop sucking me off during this sermon. Turns out he doesn't like it. Look, no one in a million years would have thought when I was a child that our country would ever accept this stuff amongst Christians. Wait, a million years didn't pass since you were a child. Nobody in a million years when you were a child.

Yeah. What, when your predecessor was in charge? You are insane. You think I'm preaching too hard? You have lost your mind. What? Preaching too hard? Wait, who's lost their mind? You've lost your money, motherfucker. What? Preaching too hard? Wait, who's lost their mind?

You've lost your money, motherfucker. Right? Yeah. How do you preach too hard? Oh, slow down. You're preaching a little too hard. Take it slow. You'll pop all your preach at once.

You've got to watch out. They go to your personal preacher trainer, and he tells you exactly how you need to preach, because if you don't, you'll overtax yourself. You want to pace out your preaching so you have some left in the tank. Yeah. You know what I did for a little while? I watched Preach 90X, and that was not as good. And if you ever say the word LGBT community to me, you might as well just walk up to me and just say, you know what?

I'm a brainwashed idiot. You better say bunch of fags. Right. Because if you don't say bunch of fags i basically called you out right okay that's because that's how they're gonna talk there anyway right i want slurs or nothing yeah it's gonna you know you're gonna talk about like fucking butt pirates if you don't tell you if you don't call gay people butt pirates then i know you're faking uh it's uh pastor steven anderson i have a uh question about uh ass spelunkpelunkers. Just a real quick

theological... Pastor Steven Anderson, what do you think about the LGBT community? Nobody's ever said that. No one's ever said that in his church. I don't read the Bible. I don't love God. I'm just a brainwashed fool that has my

mind filled with TV, Hollywood, and can't think for myself. I can't think for myself. So if you could just preach to me about how I should think. Exactly right. Is there any way you could fill my head up with the stuff I should know? Yeah. Tell me when you're standing up there telling me what to think.

Tell me what to think more about how I should think about how I think. Wait. LGBT. They're sodomites. They're dogs. Yeah. That's what the Bible calls them. Dogs. LGBT. They're sodomites. They're dogs. Yeah. That's what the Bible calls them. Dogs.

Yeah. Dogs. Why did he do that? Dogs. Dogs. It's like he has a fucking seizure moment. That's great. It's the motherfucking D-O-double-G.

So we want to thank our most recent patrons. We want to thank all of our patrons, of course, but we want to thank the most

recent ones, Kristen, Sneaky, Rhonda, WM, Kevin, Sycad. This one, I think, this one, in my opinion,

I think you need to be a bigger patron than just a dollar patron to get me to say this, but I'll say it, damn it. I'm Cecil, and I love Crown Royal. Take the pain, bitch. Maureen, Mark, and Sam, thank you very much for your generous donations. We really do appreciate it.

We wanted to talk a little bit about Patreon, just very quickly. We really do appreciate everybody who gives us their hard-earned dollars. We are on a push right now to try to reach 1750. When we do, we will look out into

our audience, hopefully, and find someone to become a member of the Cognitive Dissonance team as a part-time employee. We are hoping that we can reach that goal so we can employ someone. We will not be able to do that, though, until we actually reach the goal. So we are getting currently resumes and people are sending us stuff and saying, hey, I'd really like to do it.

We are not at this moment looking for anyone. We're not hiring until we get to that $1,750. We just don't have. The money's not there. The money's not there. And, um, and it's our great hope that when somebody comes on, there's going to be a lot in it for the patrons. So it's not just, you're not just trying to get us to a goal. So it makes it a little easier for us. You're getting us to a goal so that we can actually, uh, do some cool things like put things on YouTube, shareable content on YouTube to, uh, to have a repository of, uh, of all the calls to

prayer that came in to have a repository of all the, uh, the, the other bumpers and things for patrons so that they can use them as ringtones, all those different things that we'd like to do for patrons. And also we have more time to put together patron only shows, and we are going to do a patron only show this upcoming month. Um, so, uh, we're actually going to be recording it on the 10th of July. So on the 10th, we're going to be recording it. Hopefully that week sometime it will release. And, uh, we're looking at right now, we're thinking right now it's going to be Alex Jones. We're thinking it's going to be pretty solid. Alex Jones puts out tons of material and we should have plenty of stuff to do. So I think we're going to do an Alex Jones push.

And so if you're interested in becoming a patron, you can do it for as little as $1 a show and you get access to all of our patron-only content for as little as $1 a show. So if you're interested in becoming a patron, you can always go to patreon.com or go to our website, dissonancepod.com and click on become a patron

and you can become a patron of the show as well. So we got a message, a bunch of messages, Tom. The first is from Troy, and Troy sent in a couple things. First, Troy conducted a survey, a very thorough survey that had 57 responses. I'm sorry. No, I object. This is bullshit. No. This is bullshit. I just want to tell you the results of the survey.

63% of the people surveyed chose donuts over danishes. Only 36% chose danishes, of course, which is as sad as danishes are normally. So I think that's accurate. Very scientific, rigorous stats here that we can go on that donuts are superior. This is just proof positive that good taste does not run in the masses. I guess I'll accept this. I apologize. I will accept this. Donuts are for commoners. I will accept this.

Donuts are for commoners. The other thing that he included was, besides this showing that Tom's wrong about danishes, he also included a couple of calls to prayer. I am going to play one of his calls to prayer. A bunch of people sent in the Lion King one, so he sent in the Lion King. Tons of people sent one in.

I'm going to play one later, but this one is Peter Griffin singing Iraq Lobster. I like this one. This is funny. Death to America. And butter sauce. And butter sauce. Don't boil me. I'm still alive.

That's great. Iraq Lobster. That's great. Iraq lobster. That's awesome. It comes in perfectly. Iraq lobster. That's awesome. That's just awesome. Don't boil me.

I'm still alive. That's awesome. That's great. Hilarious. Thank you very much. Thank you very much, Troy. This came in from brian uh brian does the you are here podcast um and this is his ike mixdown when these um widespread pedophilia

reptilians uh come into visible light they use humans kissing frogs and turning into princes and george bush or somebody all this vampire stuff that's why they drink so much blood or become relevant in the energy field it's awesome nicely done brian we got an 80s call to prayer remember this is the last week that we're playing these so if you do want the call to prayer bumper uh you'll have to create it and then send it to us next year because I will not play any until next June. Send it in the future to our predecessors. This is an 80s metal one. This is from Axl.

Nice. It's just a great fade in. The voice. The voice. It's perfect. It's awesome. It's a little abrupt on the back fade. A little abrupt on the end.

But your intro is beautiful. That's the story of my life. I know. It's not a little abrupt. And finished. Was it good for you? Toro. Was it good for you? I don't really care, actually.

All right. So this is another one. This one's from Jonas. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. it's great i like that one so much it's so nerdy um that's my computer program this message is from david and i did mention this a little earlier but i will mention again is there a repository for all the calls to prayer that are played on the show there isn't one currently but uh hopefully if we do hire someone, there will be one.

We got a message from David, and David did a back-of-the-envelope calculations about what it would take to stand up the ocean vertically. This is amazing. I got to read this. It says, thought you guys might want to take a look, but in quick summation, each wall of water would need approximately 10,000 mile per hour winds blowing on them to maintain their

verticality, which has a host of dire consequences, the most notable of which would be stripping the atmosphere off the planet. I haven't put too much thought into it, but it seems that whatever other method employed, the resulting waste heat generated would spell doom for the world.

This is something that bothers me quite often with miracles, magic, and other forms of nonsense. So amazing. Namely, that at some point it must necessarily interact with the natural world, which is where it always breaks down. Thanks, David. That's great. Got a message. This is from Matt. Matt sent in a call

to prayer. I don't know what that means, but it's amazing. It reminds me of Jim Gaffney. I know. That guy's super funny. We got a message from, this is from Mike, and Mike sent this. It's just an image. It made me laugh out loud. It's so funny. So check out this episode, episode 303 on our website, and check out the image, the Jesus image. I don't know why it's so funny. It's so funny. Well, we got another image.

This one's from Christopher, and Christopher sent in an image of lizard people. And he personalized it for us. So thank you, Christopher. This one is going to be on this episode's show notes as well, 303. Got an interesting message from someone that is a gunner on a naval ship, I guess, is what the gunners mate in the U.S. Navy. on a naval ship, I guess, is what the gunners mate in the U.S. Navy. And they said basically that there's amazing amounts of scrutiny that are paid to people

that shoot guns in the military. And if even the tiniest thing goes wrong, they can be removed from that duty. But if they come off the boat, they can essentially go out and buy a gun. It doesn't matter. Right. He says you got to break your balls

while you're in the military, and when you're in the military, your actual job is to use guns to kill people, and then you can get off the boat. You can be like, anyway, we're in Miami. I'll take 100 guns, please. Yeah, exactly.

And you can be a total dick bag, and they'll be like, yeah, here's 100 guns. We don't care. It's just you just trade money for guns. That's all you have to do. Got a message from Dan. Another call to prayer.

I like it. This is good. It is. This is a really good one. This is very good. It is. This is a really good one. This is very good. The laugh in there. You sound like a fucking clown, dude. I do.

I have the worst laugh. I have the worst laugh. That is awesome. That was really great, Daniel. Here's one from Charlie. I like this. A lot of people sent this in. A lot of people sent this in. There was a lot of them, and some of them were mixed very well.

So I do want to just say that this one was the only one. There was a lot of them that were mixed well. Charlie and a lot of other people had the same idea. Very funny. We got an interesting email from Scott about gun rights, Tom. He said, I'm coming at it from a different angle from y'all. I have no guns, and I'm pro-gun control. You mentioned a terrorist watch list and the no-brainer aspect of it all, but I side with the ACLU on this one.

You might think the Second Amendment is idiotic, and I sort of do, but you really do need to adhere to the rule of law. The no-fly list is not performed through any judiciary, and so it doesn't meet the bar of due process. You can't just remove someone's constitutional right, even the ones you think are wrong, in some FBI office in absentia. And at this point, you may be thinking,

you constitution-worshipping piece of shit. And my response to that would be, A, watch your language, and B, the rule of law is kind of important. Without it, we devolve into arbitrary tyranny. And C, the constitutionally guaranteed rights are not ranked in order of importance or by the liberal good ones and the conservative bad ones.

You set a precedent of removing some of them without due process, you're playing with fire. I think conceptually I agree with that. Sure, me too. Right? So conceptually, yeah. I guess the difference is that in practice, nobody's saying you can't have the gun. No, yeah. The rule or the law or the proposal was only, can I get an extra three days to make sure?

That's all that they were asking. They weren't saying, we're not going to give you the thing. They're not saying we're going to deny the right. It's simply a delay. And we've already accepted that there are allowable delays in the gun buying process, right? When you buy a gun now, there's a 72-hour delay. There's a 72-hour rule here in Illinois.

I don't know if that's natural or not. Yeah, for handguns, I think. For certain guns, right? Yeah, it's 24 hours for long guns because those do less damage. I don't know. Right? Yeah, the higher caliber pointier weapons. Yeah.

Yeah, the more accurate. The more accurate ones, yeah. But I can't. But we've already established that there are certain rules we're willing to accept around the purchasing of a firearm that cause some delay between the minute you hand somebody your credit card and the minute they hand you a Glock, right? Yeah. This is just asking for a little extra time, not even a lot, three days, just to make sure you're totes not a terrorist. That seems reasonable to me. It's not a yes or no.

It's a hang on just a minute. And we can't even get to the point where we're like, yeah, we'll just pause briefly. Yeah, I'm not for just because you're on the watch list, you're denied. Right, yeah. Because I agree that's an arbitrary thing. The watch list is arbitrary. Right, yeah. Because I agree, that's an arbitrary thing. The watch list is arbitrary.

Right, and it's deeply imperfect. Yeah, absolutely. Here's another call to prayer. This is Dan. Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar. Allah. Love it. It's good, man.

It's good. It's a good one. You just forget songs like that exist. I know. It's good. Because it's a terrible song. Yeah, it's a great mix. But, yeah, that's a great mix. But yeah,

that's a song that could drive a Nicaraguan dictator out of his palace. Here's another call to prayer. This one's from Matt. I don't even know.

I like that. Well, it's not done, though. Here we go. We got a message from Sarah. And Sarah sent this in. I'm not going to post this because it's terrible. But it's great. It's about the people who died in Istanbul. And this is a typo.

It's a typo. And they posted this on the news. And she put Turkish glory hole. And it says on the news, and she put Turkish glory hole, and it says at the bottom, two suspects blew themselves at airport. Tell you what, if I can blow myself, why do I need to go to the airport? You know what I mean?

I'll just do it at home. I wouldn't be a terrorist. Yeah. I'd be like, why? Well, I'd be a terrorist to something. Right? I'll tell you what. He's like an Ouroboros.

I'd put something on the watch I'd be a terrorist to something. I'll tell you what. He's like an Ouroboros. I'd put something on the watch list. Got a message from Matt. Matt did a call to prayer as well about the circle of life, which was excellent, well mixed, but we are going to play this other one. Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar. Love it. Nice.

Love it. I like it. Have you seen the video for this? It's awesome. The video is so amazing it's fucking hilarious i actually love this song this is a great song and it's a really awesome video david i clip i i don't know tom i think we got a winner that's real good this is from joseph and we love the simpsons so i am the lizard queen i remember the episode so i remember the episode. It's so amazing. I remember the episode. It's so amazing.

What a great find. And finally, check out this image, the image that is associated with this on our website, episode 303. Sarah made us an image that is associated with the particular reading we did today. It's very funny. Well, that's going to wrap it up for this week.

We are going to take a short break while we celebrate explosions and fireworks. We are. Independence Day. Independence Day. I'm going to celebrate. I'll tell you what. Punching.

I feel pretty free this one. That's right. Free at last. Free at last! Free at last! Oh, Lordy! Enjoy your vacation then, my friend. And we will leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed.

Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter mommy issue hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized,

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