Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 304: That’s a Miracle

Episode Date: July 11, 2016

Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording live from Gloriole Studios in Chicago. Not really live, though. Well, I say it every week. I know, but it's not a thing. Fucker, we're recording live. I guess. That's the irony of it, right?

Oh, I see. We're recording live. We're recording live. Right? But they're listening. Not broadcasting live. No, no. They're listening later.

How could we record? What, are we going to record edited? Record dead? No, man. We're doing everything live. We do every fucking thing in this studio live. Do it live. Fuck it.

Fuck it. We'll do it live. We'll do it live. Okay, that's fair. We'll do it live from Glory it. Fuck it. We'll do it live. We'll do it live. Okay, that's fair. We'll do it live from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago. This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way.

We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome at. This is episode 304 of Cognitive Distance. And this episode, I want to take a moment here and just recognize, Cecil, that up until just a few moments ago,

our plan next week was to record on your real and actual genuine birthday. Yeah, but we decided that sucks. We moved it. We moved it at the behest of your wife more than anything else, right? Because had your wife not intervened on your behalf, we would have sat in this fucking studio on your real and actual genuine birthday, and we would have recorded this fucking shit show. Because on my birthday, I just want fucking Mexican hook hookers you're only available like one night a week

so i really don't have much choice no it's two nights now i'm fucking freed up bitch like i'm a free agent i'm like i'm fucking solid gold bitch yeah no i'm a fucking wednesday thursday sunday man that's fucking three three. Three days a week. I got you. I got you. Cha-ching, cha-ching. But I do want to put it out there. Cecil does a tremendous, a ridiculous, a foolish amount of work for the show. All of the amounts of work.

I mean, literally all the work. Pretty much all the work. I mean, like, I think he actually grabs my hips and thrusts when I fuck. Like, that's it. Like, that's. No, now that we have patreon dollars i outsource that it's a little it's a fucking indian dude hello sir it is more okay i'm fucking super tired a little left but if you know what i what i'd like to do is take a moment, put a plea out to our listeners,

send a fucking voicemail, wish Cecil a happy birthday. He hates this sort of thing so much. It would be delightful to me if we had an absolute ridiculous influx of terrorful. Terrorful? Terrorful. That's not a word. Terrorful.

That's not a word. You're trying, Sarah Palin. I'm giving it word. Terrible. That's not a word. You're trying, Sarah Palin. I'm giving it hell. Let me check my hand and see what's written there. Anyway, send us some fucking voicemails and wish Cecil a motherfucking happy birthday. The guy's so fucking old, we're not sure he's going to see another one. That is true.

That is true. He's aging before me. It's like he drank the wrong cup in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Wrong cup on Last Crusade. You're just like, oh, God. That was the only Cecil we had. I opened up the wrong Ark. No, but in all seriousness, I can't lose Cecil. I don't know how to do this job.

It's like every other job I've ever had. I just rely on skilled people around me to make me look better. I'm going to give him the number. It's 74074D look better. I'm going to give him the number. It's 74074DOUBT. I'm glad you gave him the number. I don't know what that number is. I don't know what the number is either. You'll have to figure it out with the D and the O.

I don't know what it is. You've come to my rescue. But seriously, call in. Wish you a happy birthday. The best part about it is I'm not going to listen to any of them, and I'm never going to play them. He's turning 109, I think. I don't know what exactly the age is.

106. Don't age me prematurely, bro. Pardon me. Anyway. The cool thing is that on our podcast page, I'm still under 40. Yeah, right. It doesn't say you're under 40. It still says I'm under 40.

Holy shit. We haven't updated that that a long time. As long as that exists. I'm under 40, friend. Anyway, send voicemails. Wish the man a happy birthday. I'm not gonna remember. I'll try to play a few of them.

Here we go. AK-47, the very best there is. When you absolutely, positively got to kill every motherfucker in the room except no substitutes so this first story comes from right wing watch this is sandy rios and her high quality audio stream i gotta turn it down trump supporters need ar-15s to defend themselves well it wasn't an ar-15 weapon. It was a Sig Sauer MCX carbine gun. It's a semi-automatic... No, no, no.

The semi-automatic AR-15, which is routinely confused as being a machine gun or a fully automatic weapon, is one of the most popular rifles in the United States. Of course, a lot of discussion is, you know, why would anybody need that? Well, I think, you know, besides the fact that they're very popular for hunting and gun owners.

These are not used for hunting. No one is out. Okay, fine. I'm sure there's some fucking dude. There's some people using them for hunting, but it's not like this is the preferred weapon for hunting. No, no. This is a weapon that is literally designed

to move from target to target. It's a design with a short barrel. Short barrel weapons are great for moving left to right to move in transition from one target to another target in a moving stage or moving theater, right? emails about everything anybody says about guns ever, but that's part of the advantage of a short bailed weapon. When you and I shoot clay pigeons, we both use long barrel weapons, right? We use, we use a 30 inch barrel, which is the only thing I've ever had this 30 inches or a long barrel, but we, it's, we'll both use a 30 inch barrel because a long, a longer barrel helps you get on track on that skeet or on that pigeon and maintain that focus or maintain that track. But if you're trying to transition from target to target to target in a quick environment without having the barrel become an obstruction or an obstacle in a small space, that short barreled weapon is an advantage. They're fucking designed as weapons to shoot other people there it's not like somebody's like i don't know make the barrel shorter why i don't know i haven't thought about

it like these things are very well thought about it's not like all right like guys like why does it make it shorter because it looks sweet i look cool dude super sweet man like that there are reasons for all of these these are these are technical decisions, and there are reasons for all of them. I remember we were having a conversation that we didn't record with Thomas. We were talking about whether or not the guy in the nightclub in Florida, whether he would have killed as many people with a pistol. There's no way. And Thomas was contending that, yes, he would have probably just done as much damage with a pistol. And the thing is, the difference is, like, if I shoot you up close, let's say I could shoot something between 15 and 30 feet with a handgun at okay.

I can maybe hit it at 30 feet okay, but not great. You start getting farther out from that, I'm not hitting a lot of stuff with a handgun. I'm missing more often than I'm hitting. By a lot. By a lot. People don't understand that they have never fired. If you've never fired a handgun versus firing, and you and I have both done, we've done both, right?

I've fired a handgun a number of times. I've fired a quote-unquote assault rifle a number of times. The difference in accuracy is startling. I've shot, I remember one day specifically, we walked a pumpkin out 50 yards onto the field. Yeah. And we shot that pumpkin with the ar-15 and that was i mean it was like it was so easy you could close your eyes and shoot it i could shoot

five or six rounds without ever move it would move it all be like boom boom boom but no prize fast as i could pull the trigger and get on target as fast as i could pull the trigger yeah and so to like to talk about it like it's nothing like oh it's just one of these guns that they hunt with come on guys nobody's out deer hunting i don't say nobody but if i'm going deer hunting the likelihood of me buying like a 30 out six or a 308 versus a fucking ar15 i'm gonna go out i'm gonna get a 308 or a 30 out six i'm gonna go out it's a single shot maybe i've got two top seas yeah that's it like you get one shot at the animal and now you're calling it a night. The idea that you're going out and hunting with an assault rifle is a fucking novelty gun to hunt with. Very few people are going to do it.

The weapon is specifically designed for combat. It's a combat weapon. Everything about its design, its short barrel, its ability to move on target, its recoil reduction system, all of the weapon system involved in the manufacture of that gun is an anti-personnel weapon. That is its actual function. That's why if you go to a gun store and you talk to people about this weapon as a home defense weapon, they will sell you all the features that the manufacturer has told them about, about how it is a great self-defense weapon.

Not because fucking deer are breaking into your home and looting your fucking shit, right? But the manufacturer has told them about how it is a great self-defense weapon. Not because fucking deer are breaking into your home and looting your fucking shit. Right? It's not like you're going to be like, oh, it's 10-point buck. Steal them up plasma screen. That's never fucking happened. It's like rooting around in your refrigerator like, hey, you got any corn left? I think the fact that we are in great danger.

We're in great danger? What are we in great danger? What's the great danger? At the latest part of the night, we're talking like three in the morning, four in the morning, when nobody's out, I can walk from this studio to my house.

Sure. And that's several miles. Yeah. I do not know that I would, I would feel alert, but I don't know that I would feel like I was in danger. Yeah, I've never, I mean, I'm trying to think like,

great, I mean, really, great danger? And where you live, you could fucking pass out on the sidewalk with a money clip full of money. Right? It's true. And someone would wake you up eventually and be like, and they might even put it in your pocket. That is honestly true. You know what I mean? Like, it would be a rare occasion that someone would probably try to steal from in the western

suburbs somebody be like sir sir it's okay let me sing you a nice lullaby i'm gonna make they'll like they'll like pick you up like a child and rock you to sleep and then tuck you in they'll take you home they will open your door and they'll tuck you in and they'll put a fucking glass of water by your bed might be a reason why we would need it. And I heard a great explanation from a gun expert that the problem is, one of the battles right now with police is that they need to be armed at least as well as the drug cartels, as the Islamists, as the, you know, whoever is getting gunned, they need to have at least the ability to have the same kind of firepower as these would-be

killers. What? Wait, what? I'm sure there's fucking cartel people out there with like a fucking M60. Like, am I supposed to have an M60 because someone in a cartel somewhere has one? Why, as a random citizen, should I be as well-armed as a fucking drug cartel or a fucking Islamic terrorist?

Like, RPGs for everybody! Exactly. I don't give a fuck! Right, and that's the same thing. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to fucking fill my car full of fucking fertilizer bombs. Are you kidding me?

That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard. I've never had to protect myself against anybody. If somebody wants to bomb a thing and I happen to be in the thing, I'm not going to be like, are you kidding me? That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard. I've never had to protect myself against anybody. If somebody wants to bomb a thing and I happen to be in the thing, I'm not going to be like, you bomb me. Fuck you, bro. I'm going to bomb you right back. And I know what people will say. They'll point to that one example or a handful of examples of super heavily armed fucking super bad guys who are fucking wearing the Kevlar vests. I remember those people.

And the police couldn't shoot them down and they were just like, I'm going to have a super standoff. And they had a fucking super standoff and it sucked ass and it happened like 10 years ago. Fine, they're going to point to that shit and they're going to be like, see what happens? Okay, fine. But here's what the police have. And we forget about this all the time.

They have more police! No matter how many bad guys you have, the police are like, hang on a minute, man. Let me get my phone. Beep, beep, dee, dee, dee, doo. Hey, guys. Anyway, I'm the police. Totes like some more police. Yeah.

And more police show up. And if that's not enough to like, hold on, guys. Let's call some, I don't know, more police. There's a never guys right yeah even when they're like terminator where you go in and kill all the police officers where terminator walks in the room and he kills all the police officers and then they're just like hey we're out of police officers that's it that was we put them all in one room you know i put them all in one place and the terminator came in and killed them all like you ever watch cops did you watch

cops as a kid all right i watched cops with my. I watched Cops with my dad, right? Is that show still on? What you gonna do? What you gonna do when they come for you? All right. I used to watch Cops with my dad. And one thing that struck me then and strikes me now is like, they're like, yeah, this dude's a bad dude, so we're going to take him down. And fucking like 40 cops show up, and they all have every gun imaginable, right?

They're covered like fucking gun porcupines. Yeah. Right. And then they've got battering rams and dogs and bats and fucking eagles and shit. And then like there's like one dude. They got fucking one robot that rolls up there like right deep in fucking Johnny Five opens the door for them. They're like hucking fucking grenades in that fucking pit.

Yeah. They're like, this house is dangerous. Kaboom! Yeah. Like 40 dudes storming. The dude's just like, oh, dude. The guy's in his tighty-whities getting a beer out of the icebox. He's like, oh, I was eating Frankenberries.

And it's just it. His fucking ears are now bleeding. He's crying in a heap on the ground. I know. And every time it's, because what it is, it's like, and it's in the right to do it,

right? They don't play fair, right? It's not like, let's meet on the hill after school and have a fist fight. No one's doing that shit, but this is all predicated on some fucking Clint Eastwood, mano a mano,

one-on-one fucking bullshit. Like my guns gotta be bigger than your gun. Cause what if your gun was big? Well, I don't know. What if you had fucking 30 snipers on the roof doesn't matter how big you're gonna get off a tank right yeah i'm actually banking on doesn't matter how big your gun is by the way but yeah you're right everybody's thinking like i know what you're thinking did he shoot six shots five it's like everybody has that same idea everybody thinks

it's the old west and like there's that narrative that there's going to be this gunfight, that you're going to have this opportunity. The very best thing you can hope for is to get away alive if somebody pulls a gun on you. That's the best thing you can hope for. That's the best thing I always hope for when I meet people in general. And I think the argument can be made for American citizens. We have to be able to protect ourselves, obviously. You know, I think about those, this did not go to the level of guns, thank God,

but remember those protests at a Donald Trump rally in California where a man in a wheelchair was attacked, a woman was attacked, not attacked, but she was hit by eggs in the face. So let's shoot everybody. Somebody got hit with an egg in the face, and let's fucking shoot them with an AR-15. Are you fucking kidding me? Your example is that a woman got fucking egged.

Look, nobody should fucking chuck an egg at an old lady, right? Absolutely right. Fucking 100% of the time, don't chuck eggs at ladies. That's fucking rude as fuck. But way more rude is shooting them with an assault rifle. For throwing an egg at you. And that's the other thing about this vigilante ideal that they seem to have is that everything has a death sentence to it.

Right. So you try to steal from me, that's a death sentence. You try to break into my house, that's a death sentence. You try to rape me, that's a death sentence. You try to break into my house, that's a death sentence. You try to rape me, that's a death sentence. You say the wrong thing to me, that could be a death sentence. You egg my house, that could be a death sentence. It's all these things. It's like these people are ready to go for their guns at any moment, and everything is a death sentence.

There's a reason why we have an arbitrary third party outside of us that is ready to basically decide whether or not something was right or wrong and then meet out punishment. Like a system where injustice is decided? Yeah, exactly. Hold on a minute. What should we call that? Some kind of a system of justice, a league maybe? A justice league. Justice league.

I like it. I don't know what we should call it. A league, maybe? A Justice League. Justice League. I like it. I don't know what we should call it. Now, the concern, obviously, is if this isn't bottled up in San Francisco,

this kind of nonsense, then it's going to be spreading across the entire fruited plain, and you're going to be going to your Burger King in Des Moines, Iowa, and you're going to have a rainbow-colored wrapper for your Whopper. So this is also from Right Wing Watch. This is actually great. So the marriage equality bill is about a year old now. It's a little over a year old. And there were some right-wing predictions about marriage equality. They said, you know, there was a lot of doom and gloom and crazy bullshit that was called

out about what was going to happen. This is Mike Huckabee and his predictions. This is where the battle is the hottest. And right now, our freedoms are on fire. She's sitting in front of a campfire. And that's what you hear crackling in the background. Our freedoms are on fire, Cecil. Whose freedoms are on fire?

It doesn't make any sense. It's a fucking, it's an inanimate thing. How are they on fire? Like, it's just, it's like, you just look like the camera pans over into the fire. And it's nothing but fucking like little Native American kids and bald eagles all flaming, like. Like, what, did we stoke the fires with, like, the actual Constitution? I think she mispronounced it. I think she was saying freedom fries.

What the fuck? The attack against the freedom of speech, the freedom of conscience, and the freedom of religion has come to Main Street, to the business you own and the place where you work. What kind of freedom of speech do we have if a person who expresses a biblical viewpoint about marriage is told they can't open their businesses in a location? Nobody says you can't open your business in a location. Did I miss a fucking memo? I mean, what would they say?

There's no location. Unless it's like a company that punches gay people. I mean, I'm trying to think of what it would be where they'd be like, no, you're not welcome here. Well, I also want to know what's the location. Yeah. Sorry. Not going to work out. This is a gay-friendly street.

That's not a thing. It's gay-friendly zoned. Right. This is a gay-friendly street, and that's not a thing. It's gay-friendly zoned. Right. This is not a thing. You probably remember what came as a result. We suggested let's have Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day, and millions of people lined up across the country to simply buy a chicken sandwich and say, I hate gay people.

Yeah, I know, right? Do you hate gay people and like chicken sandwiches? Millions of people lined up and said, eh, fried chicken and hating on the gays? Millions of people lined up and said, you like chicken too, huh? Right. I mean,

the Chick-fil-A phenomena that happened right afterwards was not a sustainable phenomena, right? That's the thing. That's the thing that Chick-fil-A understood from that. They got a blip. They got a blip from it. It's not a sustainable phenomenon. That's the thing that Chick-fil-A understood from that. They got a blip. They got a blip from it. It's not a sustained,

it's not every day people are lining up around the block because they didn't like gay people. It's one day a bunch of people came out and showed their support. And that's the thing that I think that Chick-fil-A doesn't care about. We talked about this before. Chick-fil-A, it's a blip on there

because they make so much money anyway and they're a nationwide business it doesn't matter but bob's fucking cake shop if bob's cake shop refuses to do a gay person right they refuse to do gay cake they might get a blip of support but they don't get sustained support from the bigot community right because there's only so many cakes that the bigots need. Right. You need to be able to branch out. It's not a renewable. Exactly. It's not sustainable.

Right. And that's the thing I think that pisses these people off the most is that other people are voting with their dollars and it makes them super mad that they're doing it. They get like- Because they're voting against this idea. Talk about super mad about it. It's like, oh, I can't even, they can't even have a business anymore with a biblical viewpoint. It's like, well, if I don't like your viewpoint, I just won't shop there.

Sure. Well, why don't you give us your money? Well, because I get to make this decision. I get to vote where my money goes. Exactly. I'm just as allowed to be appalled by your biblical viewpoint as you are to have your biblical viewpoint. Yeah. Biblical viewpoint.

Yeah. You can think all this crazy fucking 2,000-year-old nonsense about how the world works. I actually don't even care. I only care in the sense that I'm just going to be like, that's not the store I buy shit from. We affirm the right of believers to take a biblical stand. When the government mandates public endorsement of sin,

it's not just the bakers and photographers who suffer, it's the printers, the fire chiefs. Fire chiefs? What, do they got to put out flamers? Whoa! The fire chiefs, the fire chiefs are like, I didn't want to put out that gay house, but I guess now I have to.

Thanks, Obama. I didn't want to put out that crop fire because they were planted in the same row. Thanks, Obama. Adopt't want to put out that crop fire because they were planted in the same row. Thanks, Obama. Adoption agencies, bed and breakfast, facility owners. Wait, what facility? Just every facility? Any facility that you have. Just wait a minute. Facility is such a general term. Facility.

Do you own a facility? I don't even know. They should have just said general managers. I don't even know what a facility entails. They should have just said general managers. Right. Like, I don't even know what a facility entails. Counselors, broadcasters, students, teachers, and groups like InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, the Knights of Columbus, and the Salvation Army.

And now under attack is anyone who ever ran for public office and anyone who ever will. It's the past and the future. It is. And the is she's right she is right though but they're not under attack bernie sanders isn't under attack i know but like look at you say under attack they they use the words under attack but the thing is is what we're saying what i think our side is saying is we'll know yeah we will know whether or not you gave money to somebody in the past that was pro or anti gay marriage, whether or not you, you know, you you had some kind of awful, shitty Facebook post on your wall or whether you tweeted some awful shit about gay people or, you know, we'll know. Right. We'll know in the future. You can't hide your own ideas. Unless you scrub the fuck out of your past before you step up, you're never going to be elected. You know, that's something that occurs to me all the time, right? Like we do this show, obviously. I've said some crazy shit on this show.

And I know, I know that because of what we've said on this show, I couldn't run for fucking dog catcher, right? That's just the truth. I don't care. I don't want to be fucking dog catcher, right? But I understand that there's a price to be paid for the speech that I enjoy. Yeah. And that's just, that is what it is. And I'm okay with that.

This is inconsequence-free speech. I have reconciled myself. You know, there's, but that's true of any life decision, right? Any decision you make in your life, you have to look at and say, look, I'm going to pay a penalty. I'm going to pay some kind of price. I know that whatever decision that I make, there's a responsibility to that decision that's going to carry forward in my life. And you have to be able to look at that and say like, all right, some of

these things are not going to be good. I'm not going to be happy about how this follows me for the next 15, 10, 20 years, whatever it happens to be. But that's part of fucking being a human being in the world, right? There is nothing we do that's consequence-free. This bullshit, this bullshit attempts to have it both ways. It's some fucking both ways nonsense. It's like, well, look at us, we're being persecuted, we're being beaten up, we're being... No, people are just pointing at your own words. Right Wing Watch is the best at doing this. They are the fucking level best, and that's why we grab them constantly. It's different than the Raw story because there's no editorializing. Right.

It's just all we're doing is playing your own words. Oh, hang on a minute. Let me play a clip of you saying what you said. Exactly. And then people get pissed off, like, oh, you fucking took me out of context. Really? Here's a longer clip? Yeah.

It doesn't get better. Yeah. Phil Robertson from the famous and successful show Duck Dynasty made some comments that, well, they might have been a little on the edge in terms of the manner in which he said them, but they were consistent again with Christian beliefs of people all over America and the world. Which comments? Are we talking about the ones where he hated gays or the ones where he hoped that the atheist person would get skinned alive? A&E, the network that had made a lot of money off the Robertson family,

initially decided to yank them off the air. But the outcry was such they finally had to reverse that decision. Just for money. Yeah. What are you fucking kidding me? Like, let's not pretend A&E is a business. All they care about is business. It's like we're going to do, like, they had a product.

People were upset about the product. They're like, maybe we'll get rid of the product. People are like, we like the product. Well, here's your product back. That's all that that was in that decision. That decision is they don't care about Phil Robertson at all. Phil Robertson could fucking die. He could be replaced by fucking animated K'nex, and it would be fine.

Nobody would care. If fucking A&E got to make the same amount of money, they literally don't care at all. If fucking A&E got to make the same amount of money, they literally don't care at all. In both of these cases, it was a matter of people who were politically correct somehow wanting to tell Christians to just shut up and go away. Jesus told his disciples, shut up, go away. You guys are a pain in my ass. You're watching. I can't even jerk off. I'd rather get nailed to that cross.

I want to fuck this hole in my hand. You keep peeking around the corner. That they weren't supposed to shut up and go away. And he told them right here at Caesarea Philippi. So I couldn't think of any better place to say it than here. It sounds like a dish at Olive Garden. Caesarea Philippi. I'll have Caesarea Philippi.

No anchovies on that. That's fucking weird. And can I have the never-ending bread bowl, too? I am the Lizard Queen! Chapter six this week, Tom. Oh, man. What a doozy it was. The biggest secret by David Icke.

Let me take this glass off my book here. Let me tell you what. Hang on. Oh, this was a winner. This one's called. I like this one because it was short. Rule Britannia. Britannia.

Rule some Britannia. Britannia. I was super excited, Cecil, because I got home from vacation last night, and it was late. It was kind of a long day, you know, travel, all that shit. I was like, oh, I got to read that fucking thing. And it was like 11 pages long. It still took like 35 minutes. It still takes a long time.

The thing is so bad. It doesn't. This one is just a list of names and places. It's all just a list of names and places. Seriously. Hold on a second. Hold on a second. Because I know we're going to go into this,

and I know that this isn't going to mean anything to anybody. But honestly, it is just a list of places. Like, there's huge parts. Here, listen to this. it is just a list of places. Like there's huge parts here. Listen to this. It's just grabbing from page one 30, Anna Campbell, countess of Belcaris and Abigail, the governess of the young Prince William and Archibald Campbell. First Duke of Argyll was alongside him when he sailed to England in 1688 to remove the sitting Monarch James the second. The fuck am I supposed to do with that? You named in one sentence, you named one, two, three, four, five, six, seven people in one sentence.

Seven very dead people. I could, what am I? I don't know any of these people. They could all be in a fucking family reunion for me. They could be fucking four of them sucking my dick and I wouldn't remember three of their names. Are you kidding me? The whole fucking chapter was like are you kidding me the whole

fucking chapter was like that well the whole i think the whole two chapters before were like this too they were they're they're they're just the same it's all the same like naming stuff it's just names of people so i have a quiz i'm going to read to you i got it one two okay i'll go first all right the entrance to the city of london's financial center is marked by this is great a a man in a tweed suit with a monocle b a large canvas bags with green embroidered pound signed on them c a rainbow that leads to a pot of gold or d statues of winged reptiles holding a red cross on a white shield i think think it's D. It is D. It is D. I think I'm making these too easy. This is great. Which of the following wealthy families are Aryan reptile financial wizards?

A, Rockefellers. B, Oppenheimers. C, McDucks. D, A and B. A and B. That's great. McDucks. I like it.

Last one. Last question. B? That's great. McDucks. I like it. Last one. Last question. Oh, this is great. From London, the reptile elite dictate policy and agendas to all their other blank all over the world. Broodmothers, lizard kings, branch managers, or cashiers. Branch managers or cashiers.

It's C, branch managers. That's great. They have a system, Tom. They have a system. You know, when I think of a reptile branch manager, I think of a reptile sitting there eating fucking bugs off a branch. That's what I think of as a branch manager. You've got a head for middle management. I do not think... Lizard.

A lizard in a suit. He's got his little necktie. That's so great. Oh, it's adorable. All right, I got a quiz for you, buddy. Okay. According to Ike, the banking system is run by corrupt reptile people.

We know this is true because A, money is green and textured, mimicking the scales of corrupt reptile people. We know this is true because A. Money is green and textured, mimicking the scales of a reptile. B. The eyes of the people on our money never blink, representing the dead, soulless gaze of our reptile overlords.

And they follow you across the room if you move the bill. C. Banks are often hot and uncomfortable because they are temperature controlled for cold-blooded reptiles. D. Banks don't go in the back and actually print more paper money every time they make a loan. I think it's D. It is D. All right. How could a small island nation control much of the world?

All right. How could a small island nation control much of the world? A. They can't, unless that small island nation is run by reptile people, in which case they can, because something something bloodlines. B. Because the island of Britain... I'm going to skip this. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. There's still some good ones in here.

A. B. Because the island of Britain is the nexus for the chakra of the earth, giving it great power. C, by pumping out its lower mandible and appearing bigger than you might think. C. D, a stiff upper lip. I think C and D are connected. I thought it was the same thing. All right. According to Ike's laundry list of involved parties,

who's really running the show? A, the Jews. B, not the Jews. C, the non-Gentiles. D, the Jews. But Jews aren't real, but it's still the Jews. Jews. I kind of think it's all of the above.

And then finally, ending apartheid in South Africa was a farce because A. Probably the Jews again. B. Lizard Jews. C. Nelson Mandela faked the whole thing. Or D. All the country's problems

didn't immediately evaporate with the advent of racial freedoms. It's C. It's D. It's C. All the country's problems didn't immediately evaporate with the advent of racial freedoms. It's C. It's C. I think Nelson Mandela fabricated the whole thing. Dude, this fucking chapter. My summary. Alright, bring it home.

The Aryan reptile people created titles and money out of nothing to control the humans who wanted both titles and money. Why did they want it? I don't know. They have a title. They have a title and money. Many of the battles throughout history were battles between Aryan bloodlines.

Bloodlines? I guess it's bloodlines. My mistake. Broodlines. They exhibited a covert control over the humans instead of overt control because they trick the humans into thinking they don't exist. Then they don't get overthrown. Also, David Icke has no idea how money works. David Icke does not know how money works at all.

Let's play because we have a clip. We have a clip of Sarah reading. This is David Icke's idea of how financial systems work. This is a man who clearly has no idea how much. This is a guy who got turned down for a loan and is super fucking upset. He's super mad. Why can't you just make the money for me? Go back and print some.

That's not how this works at all. Once again, they traveled under the heading of Phoenicians, and they settled in the north of Italy in 466 A.D. in what is now Venice. These Phoenicians then became known as Venetians. They built a powerful maritime, of course, and financial empire which was based on lending people money that does not exist in charging them interest on it. This is another common theme of the Babylonian Brotherhood over thousands of years, and today this financial scam controls the purse strings of the planet.

How do the reptiles control purse strings? Like how does a snake manipulate a purse string? It'd be very difficult. They gotta grab it with their wipe around on the other side. They gotta ask their partner to hold the other side while they draw it closed. Maybe like a two-headed snake? Like one of those fucked up two-headed

snakes? Yeah. Or maybe a boa can maybe wrap around one end with its tail. And really like tie itself up in a fucking knot. Seems challenging. Maybe a boa is the purse. I think they should just get a wallet. Like maybe they should just move to a different. Maybe made out of alligator.

When you go to a bank for a loan, the bank does not print a single new note or a single new coin. You're right. Right. That's okay. So you're right so far, right. Right. That's okay. So you're right so far, David. Yeah, that would be inappropriate and counterfeiting. It simply types into your account the size of the loan.

And from that moment, you start to pay interest on what is nothing more than figures on a screen. Nope. No, that's not how money works. You've got a good for it. Like if I go in and I ask for a loan and I say I would like a loan to buy a house and then I get the house, I pay that person money. I pay the bank money for that house. But the bank gave that person who I bought the house from gobs of money up front. Right.

And then I pay it back at a slower rate. That's what a loan is. They don't go. You're right. He's right. They don't go in the back and just print money because they're not the fucking treasury. They're not the U.S. Mint. That would ruin our economy in like 10 seconds. It would be like money is meaningless.

The value of money is essentially meaningless. It's runaway inflation. It's crazy. Deflation. It's crazyaway inflation. It's fucking crazy. Deflation. It's crazy. Nobody would ever do that. But banks have some of their money, and then they give out some of their money to people who pay it back.

Yes, they're typing it on a screen because nobody walks around with fucking – it's not fucking ye olde times. You don't have a fucking bag with a great big dollar sign on it. Yeah, exactly. Or you got a guy who's standing in the corner like, hey, you owe me 50 bucks. What am I gonna,

I'm gonna fucking break your fucking legs, David, if you don't get me a 50 bucks. I'll have to pull off your chameleon tail and you'll grow it right back. It's still wriggling in my hand. No, but I think it's a lot more complicated, clearly, than the description I gave. It's a lot more complicated than what I said. Sure, of course it is.

There's a lot more layers on there where they have the money out in different spaces, and they might not have exactly that money, but they're promising that money to someone else. It's very complex, but that doesn't mean that the money isn't there. The bank has created money out of nothing and insists that you pay them for doing so. If anyone else did that, they would be arrested for fraud. But the banks do it every day quite legally. You're an asshole. You're just an asshole. Like, here's the thing.

You're just an asshole. He doesn't believe this. Do you think he believes this? I don't know. I don't know, man. Nobody who's ever been to a bank to get a fucking sucker. No one has ever been to a fucking bank to get a fucking treat from their dog from the teller window

has ever really believed. That's a thing? Yeah. You've never taken your pet. Well, you don't have a dog. Yeah. If you drive through the bank thing, they put a treat in the thing for your dog. If you have a dog. Really? Yeah, they all do it. All of the banks?

Every bank I've ever been to, if I've had a dog in the car, send you a little biscuit for your dog. If they don't, I fucking put a beehive back in that thing and send it back to them. We're a third of the way through this thing. Yeah, that's good. We're rocking and rolling. I think we're doing pretty good. Look, buddy, it's the greatest secret. Biggest. The fucking most best this thing. Yeah, that's good. We're rocking and rolling. I think we're doing pretty good. Look, buddy. It's the greatest secret.

Biggest. The fucking most bestest secret. It's that secret. Is it the biggest secret? It is. I was holding it in my hand, mocking you, and I fucked it up. Take that, me. Podcasters. They live in squalor, destitute, and disenfranchised.

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Well, this is from Huffington Post. Phil Robertson, this dude fucking lost his full mind. He straight lost his full mind. This is great. He was asked to speak, I don't know by who, who would ask this guy to speak?

And what did he wear? Did he wear, like, dirty pajamas? That's what he looks like. Seriously. Seriously. Every time I see this guy, I'm just like, I'm like, does this guy just get his stuff from, like, a fucking Amvets box? Yeah. This is like a dirty sack wrapped in dirtier sacks.

This is like if somebody took, like, this is like if somebody, like, let out the Count of Monte Cristo and then rubbed him in oil. That's what he would look like. And he would still have dirtier fingernails than the Count of Monte Cristo. I couldn't be this fucking disheveled. We're going to play a clip. There's two clips, actually, we're going to play. But the first one is him talking about what proves Jesus is real. He did come. And everlast one of you seated in here and the rest of America and most of the world,

their calendar documents it. It is 2016 years since Jesus showed up. Right? So don't tell me he wasn't here. What? Wait. Wait. Wait.

Wait. Wait. That's your fucking evidence? That's your evidence, though. Don't tell me he wasn't here because we made a calendar for him. Look, man. I leave out cookies for Santa. It doesn't mean there's Santa.

It just means that I left out some cookies. We call Thursday from Thor's day. Yeah, that doesn't mean there's Thor. By the way, if your calendar is dated on of all the human beings who have ever walked on the earth and your calendar is dedicated and predicated to just one of them, evidently, something rather large went down back then. Your calendar documents it. How come we say it's 2016 years?

I don't believe in this Jesus stuff. I said, well, you're counting time by him, dude. Face it. That literally means nothing. I mean, do you think he believes this? How do you get to that? The audience is crackling. They love it.

They think it's great. They're like, this is great. They think of it like a stand-up routine. It's like when you hear a stand-up guy say something. I think, you know, I can't think that he believes that because all you have to do to him is say, well, look, a lot of people agreed that we would just agree to it because a lot of people were religious.

So what? Yeah, but that wouldn't fly with him, right? I don't think he would buy that. I think you'd have to come up with some kind of non-Christian analog. There also is, I think, I think there's probably a lot of proof that shows that the dates are really off. Oh, for sure. Yeah.

Yeah. No, no. Those dates are completely fucking fucked up and arbitrary. Yeah. But nonetheless, I mean, it's not like we... When was the Gregorian calendar which we use now, when was it even invented? It wasn't invented like the day after Jesus popped up. It wasn't like, hey, Jesus, anyway, let's have a new calendar.

Yeah, exactly. Nobody did that. It's like, this was religious people made a decision, a conscious decision to build a calendar based off an event, which they decided arbitrarily happened at an approximate date.

That's all that happened. That's it. We've had other calendars. Did the other calendars that we had... There's currently other calendars right now. Right. Are they? Do you think he just doesn't know that? I mean, we have a fucking Chinese New Year that happens.

I know, right? You know what I mean? Like, it's fucking. And they have like. Dragons are real because it's the year of the dragon. Year of the rat. Right. Here's another clip of Pat Robertson.

Is it Phil Robertson? Phil Robertson. When you allow men to determine, as Zach said, what's right and what's wrong, you get decisions like the five judges who said, I mean, I know we have 7,000 years of history. We have more than that. Yeah, we have a lot more history than that. Way more history than that.

7,000 years? Pretty much a blip on the old history radar. Anyways. Of men marrying women, a male and a female. For that reason, they'll leave their father and mother and cleave to one another and become one flesh. Does that ever happen? Like, do we have Frankenstein people? Look, you become one flesh for

maybe 7 to 12 minutes and somebody gets a sandwich. That's it. I don't know that I've ever become one flesh. I mean, I've engulfed other things with my girt, but I wouldn't call them part of my flesh. I'm not sure she's my flesh. I know it's been that way for

7,000 years. Get real mad, bro. But we know best for what's everyone. We know best for what's everyone? English, motherfucker, do you speak it? We know best. Trust us, we know what we're doing. And now there's grown men

barging in on you ladies when you're putting your Maybelline on. Oh, my God. Is that offensive in every way? Holy fucking shit. God damn. That offends. I can't think of what's not offensive about that.

No. Yes. Literally everything about that. Pretty much everything. It's like it's perfectly crafted. Here's a newsflash. You see this? He's grabbing his beard right now.

This be male. Ladies, ladies, all you ladies, you will never, ever catch this cat coming up in your bathroom. Ever. You're horrified. Nobody wants you in any location they attend. Who cares? Like fucking, that's not what the fucking,

it's not what the fucking debate is about. He's making it about the idea that like any old guy can just walk into a bathroom, any bathroom that he wants to. And that's not what it's about. That's not at all the case. But it's, again, what you're doing is you're simplifying the argument down to the very worst possible portion. Well, and essentially lying about it. Lying about it in a way that makes people react in a way that's guttural or that's –

Yeah, there's an instinct, right? That instinct response where you just immediately – like, no, no, no, that's not what we want. Well, that's not what anybody's asking. Yeah, good, because I'm glad nobody's saying what you want because nobody's saying that. Right. You know why? I'm a man.

Why do I know this? Why do I know this? It took me a second. This story comes from Right Wing Watch. This is David Barton, the lying faux historian. Yeah. Fox historian. Fox.

I like that. I like that. A little something for you there. Yeah. A little something for you. This guy's discredited every way you can be. Pretty much. The guy never says anything that's true. Just makes up shit out of whole cloth.

He's basically the whirling man of historians. I don't know if he's that bad. No, I don't think he's a plagiarist. Really, you're saying we don't know necessarily the pieces of the puzzle that God's moving around here. I mean, it's not always the piece we might have necessarily wanted to pick up and use, but that's why he's wiser than us, and who are we to say whether or not this is Osiris or, as you said, Nebuchadnezzar? What the what? Osiris, Nebuchadnezzar. What the what? Cyrus and Nebuchadnezzar?

I don't. Are we really talking about Nebuchadnezzar? All I hear is the Matrix. Isn't that the ship on the Matrix? It's the Matrix. This is the Matrix. It's also a magic card. Nebuchadnezzar?

There was something about Nebuchadnezzar. I don't think that's real. Like, I hear that phrase and I'm just like, nah. My brain's just like. That's an ancient. It's an ancient word, though. Yeah, some fucking ye olde stuff, right? Like, you listen, it's like, maybe he's like Osiris or Nebuchadnezzar. Like, maybe he's not.

Maybe he's Donald Trump. The kind of situations where God can still use him if he's the nominee. Well, one thing I know for sure is that in this race of primaries, we had a lot of really good God guys in there. Really good God guys. We had a lot of really good God guys in there. Really good God guys. We had a lot of really, hey, what's our list of God guys? Hey, we got some good God guys in there? I don't know. How many God guys you got?

I don't know, a couple, two, three of them? And we had a huge turnout of professing Christians and evangelicals and others. And so there is nothing to complain about, about we didn't get a voice, we didn't get a candidate. We had great candidates to choose from. You had great candidates. Oh my God. You had fucking 130 fucking people. And they all sucked. They were all the worst person ever. Like they were like, if they lined up the United States in most qualified and least qualified to run the country, they would have been the last 32 people that I would pick. That's your fucking, that is your field, right? That was the field of nightmares, not the field of drinks, right?

That shit was a fucking clown car. Like we had a lot of really good guy guys, and we ended up with Trump. That's it. You know that you're fucking – you're batting some fucking turds up there when fucking the guy who wins is Trump. The second to last guy was, what was his name again? Milk Toast. Like, what was it? I mean, honestly, what was his name?

Seriously, Ted Cruz. Ted Cruz. Yeah. Yeah. A guy who there was an actual website devoted to whether or not he was human. Yeah. And truthfully, before that, the actual nominee was Mitt Romney, who the biggest complaint was like, we're not sure he's a real person either, right?

He's like a Stepford person. You keep running these fake people. You keep running people whose connection to reality and connection to anyone who's ever had a job doing a work and buying a food. Can you imagine running? You've never run into donald trump at the grocery store could you imagine romney even considering what it's like to be a like having a reg just a middle income salary right i mean they they you just they're just

on another level they can't it's like uh let me go ahead and buy some faded glory jeans like the guy's never he buys dad jeans all day he's not waiting for the rollback right he's not he's not checking out his fucking cole's cash to figure out if he's never he's never put anything on layaway before you know what i mean like like the the fact is is that and the and trump is the same way you know hillary's the same way too hillary's for sure all we have are these people that are just like like once in a while you'll come across somebody like bernie sanders like yeah i just got one suit i'm really mad about it you know he just got he's got one he's got one fucking suit i got another speaking

engagement can you press my suit at the men's warehouses exactly right i only if it's free i'll only go if it's free but you know the fact is is like none of these people have any idea what it's like to you know be paycheck to paycheck, God forbid. You know what I mean? They don't understand what that's like. But they seem to sing that song no matter where they go. Sure, because they're so fucking rich. Their 401K has a 401K, right?

Yeah, exactly. Their 401K is looking forward to retirement, right? They're just like, I don't know. I'm beat from being so enormous. I'm so fucking big I might have to take a fucking Roth IRA on my 401K. That'm a little – I'm just – I'm beat from being so enormous. I might have to fucking – I'm so fucking big. I might have to take a fucking Roth IRA on my 401K. That's how fucking rich I am. They don't even use those investment vehicles.

That's how fucking rich these regular – these people are. But we're looking at somebody like Donald Trump and he's a fucking God guy? Yeah. What did Donald Trump – Donald Trump doesn't care about God at all. That's the thing though. I kind of want to hear him say it. And this is who the people chose. And this is who the people chose with a really high turnout of evangelicals.

So I kind of look back and say, hmm, I wonder where God's fingerprint is in this, because this is not necessarily a failure of the church. That may not be our preferred candidate, but that doesn't mean it may not be God's candidate to do something that we don't see. God has a candidate? Yeah. He would be the only way I could think that God were real and God would want Donald Trump to be around is if he was going to usher in Armageddon. Like that would be the only thing I could imagine Donald Trump would be good at doing.

Why would God have a candidate? Oh, I hope he wins. You're God! You don't need a candidate. You have all the power. It'd be like if I was like, look, I'm the boss at work, right? Like I walk into my building, I'm the boss. It'd be like I walked in, I was like, anyway, I hope things go the way I hope they go.

But fucking you're the boss, man. You're the actual boss. You control time and matter. Like, you don't have to fucking decide, oh, I got my own candidate. I hope fucking more people vote for my guy than the other person that I actually created. You created them all. You're creating people to battle each other, but you really want one to win, but you just can't decide, so you have to

have a fucking election? Are you kidding me? And we may look back in a few years and say, wow, he really did some things that none of us expected. So I am fully open to the possibility that because we did everything as Christians we could, we can't complain about our turnout, we can't complain about our quality of candidates, and this is what the people chose, I'm a whole lot more open to the fact that God may have something going here that's much bigger than what we think or see. I love that he's so lukewarm about the candidate on his side that he's just like, look, I don't get it either.

I don't know. I don't know. That's what he's saying here. He's just like, look, look, guys, I don't get it either. I don't know. I don't know. That's what he's saying here. He's just like, look, look, guys, I don't get it. I don't see it. I don't know what Bill sees in her. Not my girl. Not somebody.

But, you know, I don't know. She must give a great head. Who knows? I don't know. She fucking suck a golf ball through a garden hose. Not sure what's going on there. She must be great with the kids. I'm not sure.

Seems like a fucking horrible person. She could suck the crumb off a trailer. Right. Yeah, exactly. But what I see it as is more like the mom trying to convince the kid that the stewed carrots taste really good. Sure, right?

These are so good. Are you ready? Are you ready? Here comes the plane. You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers. I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. This story comes from Right Wing Watch, and this is Michelle O'Bachman. Obama and Hillary have switched sides and support Islamic terrorism.

Huh. Well, she's only been singing this tune for fucking seven years. Let's wonder if she's got a fucking different key she can sing it in. I don't know which show she was on, but this is the, this is, oh, she was on Ronnie Floyd. No.

Who was guest hosting Washington Watch. Nobody cares about any of that. Nobody could care. Ronnie Floyd? I'm just saying. What the fuck? Who the fuck is Ronnie Floyd? He's a Pink Floyd cover band. Here we go.

When I left Congress, I was serving on the Intelligence Committee. You were on the Intelligence Committee? No wonder you left Congress. You could line up the entire Senate and House, and she would be the last person I would pick to be on the Intelligence Committee. Once you got on it, they just had to name it the Committee. She's on the Intelligence Committee?

Well, how did that fucking happen? Was there a quota did they get a discount she's like that one handicapped kid that has to be in there okay all right come on come on in it's all right no he's harmless don't worry just don't worry when he bites it's just just rough just just tell him to stop just smack him on the nose it's fine smack him on the nose. It's fine. Smack him on the nose. Use this rolled up bill. Smack her on the nose. She keeps on chewing on legislation.

They have to put her outside. She's got one of those bark collars on. Every time she tries to interject, it just shocks her. She probably does have one of those bark collars on her husband though I bet she's got one of those at home she's got one of those choker chains on her husband yeah she's got those she's leading him around on all fours like fucking smacking his ass with a riding crop

and he's like don't stop whatever you do don't stop and my mind was And he's like, don't stop. Whatever you do, don't stop. And my mind was completely focused on the rising jihadist attacks that were happening, not only across the world, but also in the United States. And I was extremely alarmed at what I saw with the Obama administration, and particularly with Hillary Clinton when she was Secretary of State,

because it was the oddest thing in the world to me. I saw our nation, in effect, switching sides. We used to be about fighting Islamic terrorism. And what I saw happen in our government is that it seemed like we were switching modes to almost assisting them. In what way? In what fucking way? Were we like, anyone need a hand bombing a fucking Ramadan festival?

Because I'm in. No? Nobody? That's never, ever happened one time ever? Nobody wants? Are we fucking perpetrating the bombing in Baghdad that happened the other day? Fucking wiped out 200 plus people? We're inviting them over to the White House.

And then the gift, the little gift bag has a drone in it. It's just pressure cookers. It's just everybody gets pressure cookers. Hey, guys. It's like that pampered chef. Like Obama has a pampered chef thing. Come on, guys. I get a hostess.

I get a host gift if you guys. I just need a couple of people to buy just a handful of things anyway you could buy one of these dildos you guys could get one of these fucking generic cock rings never go for the generic right yeah you know sometimes when it comes to sex toys always go to a top end of the market splurge on yourself right sex toys that's your dick here's the thing thing. Spend some money on it. No matter what, you've got to spend, because the lower price you pay, the more you chafe. That's just how it works.

There's nothing more disappointing than a fucking cheap sex toy, right? Just like... Which is a bizarre thing for someone to say, especially someone who is a member of Congress who sat on the Intelligence Committee. She sat there desperately looking around, struggling to understand the situation. Maybe I'll pick it up from context if I sit here long enough.

But I saw that it actually came to the point where our government was giving arms, giving ammunition, and giving training to those who were a part of the Islamic Jihad. If that isn't assisting in Jihad, I don't know what is. And, of course, now more recent stories have been coming out that are even more troubling. more troubling. One thing that I had undercovered was a part of being very concerned about when I was in Congress was the influence of the Muslim

Brotherhood in our government. It was very clear that the Muslim Brotherhood, which is an umbrella organization... I can't hear the Muslim Brotherhood and not think of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants. I just can't. I'm always like, fucking, one of them's going to be Sabretooth.

I just, no matter what happens. I feel the same thing when she says the umbrella, like it's an umbrella organization. Just think of like Umbrella from the fucking Resident Evil. Yeah. Right? Of which there are 70 different jihadist franchises across the world. Wait, they're franchising now?

Oh, yeah, yeah. You didn't know that? Could you be a jihadist artist? Like, it's like a Subway franchise? You'd think that jihadists would actually make their money off of the explosions, but they're actually the largest real estate company. That's not. They were putting people of influence and bringing people into the United States

who were on our terror watch list. Hillary Clinton herself granted waivers. Was she fucking signing shit out like a fucking hall monitor? They're like ring. Oh yeah, we're on the terrorist watch list, but I got a waiver from Hillary Clinton. Oh, well, come on in then. Welcome. Enjoy your bombing.

Nobody's, what? How would that system even work? Why would it work? And how would you verify that it was a waiver signed by hillary clinton like how would that even work and okay so so let's imagine for just a moment that that happened it has resulted in zero bombings as a result of the hillary clinton waiver system so it's a pretty good waiver right like a bad waiver. Right? Like, so far as I know, there hasn't been any bombings that we can trace back

to the Hillary Clinton waiver system. So, okay, it's a fucking 100% foolproof program so far. Maybe she should vet everybody that comes into this fucking thing. For people from the Muslim Brotherhood to come into the United States, and I think these are the kind of things that the listeners of Family Research Council need to understand when they look at how important this particular election is.

We had 17 very good candidates who ran on the Republican side in the primary. 17 candidates. I just heard that said out loud with the words very good after that. And for a second, I thought I was having a stroke. Like the left side of my face started to become paralyzed. 17. Very good. Really?

Rick Santorum. Rick Santorum is amazing. Ben Carson on that list. Ben Carson, the guy who thought that the fucking pyramid stored grain in them from Joseph stored grain in the pyramids. Rick Santorum, who's Rick Santorum every day that he wakes up. Every day. Think about that for a second. He never wakes up.

He never wakes up and is not Rick Santorum. He never wakes up and not covered in Santorum. It's horrifying. He's always covered in Santorum. And you don't want to be covered. You just want to have like a nice patina. Here's the thing. He's always eyeball deep in Santorin. It's horrifying. He's always covered in Santorin. And you don't want to be covered. You just want to have like a nice patina. Here's the thing. It's always,

he's always eyeball deep in Santorin. We ultimately came down to one choice, which is Donald Trump. I know that my first choice, for instance, was Ted Cruz

when he was running. I like how nobody likes Donald Trump. Everybody's like, just so you know, guys, I totally didn't want him in there. I met my first Trump supporter last weekend. Did you?

I did. Yeah? I did. I had a conversation with this guy who's a strongman competitor over the weekend. Okay. So, like, he deadlifts cars and does all that stuff. Sure. It was a very polite conversation because I was afraid he was going to kill me.

Yeah. Which he could have easily done. But he's the first Trump supporter I've met in person. Could he tell you why? Did you ask him why? We had a conversation about, again, I didn't push that hard, mostly because you cannot move an immovable wall of flesh like that. But yeah, he's like, I just don't want another politician in office. And I'm like, but he's running for political office, which makes him a politician. in office. And I'm like, but he's running for political office, which makes him a politician. Like, he is

a politician. Yeah. Definitionally. Yeah. But that didn't work out. He doesn't care. No. I get it. He wants a rich guy in office. Ben Carson was running, who was great. Mike Huckabee. We had a lot of great

choices. Now we have Donald Trump. We had a lot of great choices. Now we have Donald Trump. I love it. We had a lot of great choices. Yeah, it's like there's like a fucking roulette wheel of sex acts, and you're like, come on, no handy, no handy, no handy.

Handy. Fine. And you're just like, look, I'll take it. I'll give you a handy when I pull it out of the hat. It's not a practice. And what I see, Ronnie, is that we've got really one major choice. Will we choose

Hillary Clinton or will we choose Donald Trump? For me, it isn't even hard. I'm going to choose Hillary. If it's not even hard, you just got to keep playing with it. Fine, it'll get there. Don't give up hope. If it's not hard, Michelle, just buy a high-quality sex toy like we talked about earlier. She's so used with

her husband. She's so used to it not being hard. She's like, I've never seen it hard. Does it get hard? It gets hard? Hard? Huh. Maybe in someone else. So we'd like to thank our newest patrons. Of course, we'd like to thank all our patrons, but we'd like to thank our newest patrons.

First one is It's Not Human Intelligence. The Taminator. More Pie, Randy, the Skeptic Smash Talk podcast. And they had actually asked permission. The Skeptic Smash Talk podcast had asked us if they could use the Skeptic's Creed. And they're actually doing a review of the Skeptic's Creed each week on their show robert rue marie katrina dom pamela larry brandon and i think i should make tom say this one but i'm gonna say it hooray for president trump boo for danishes fucking everything about can we refuse that donation i don't want i want the money i want that one i want all the money and then also a person by the name of lasse i think it's lasse i don't know how to

pronounce the last name has an o with a fucking slash through it nope like that's all set that like what exactly i don't even know like it's not a thing it's like that that doesn't have a value i don't know thank you though thank everybody All of our new patrons. We really do appreciate it. And we are trying to, like we said, we're trying to reach a goal. We are recording an Alex Jones episode. A patron-only

episode that should be releasing next week. We're recording it this Sunday. And that should be a lot of fun. We're going to get together and listen to a bunch of Alex Jones clips. Jesus Christ. It's Alex Jones. You want it.

We don't. Yeah. This is love. That's what love is, right? Love is reluctant anal, right? That's what it is. It's like, I love it. You don't.

Someone's gritting their teeth and just working its way in. Is there any way that we can do this? You're just like, it's fine. It doesn't hurt at all. I'd like to put anal back on the books. But no, we really do appreciate it. So we are going to be giving our patrons a Alex Jones episode.

If you're interested in that, you can become a patron for as little as a dollar a show. And it will lead us toward our goal, which is hopefully two major goals in the near future. The first one is to hire someone to help out with some of the admin work, not with any of the editing work. And please don't send us your resumes just yet. And then the other goal is for us to do several meetups all over the continental

United States and Canada. We would do up to four a year if we get to that level. We also got a PayPal donation. PayPal, again, another way to donate to the show. Justin sent us a PayPal donation this week. Thank you so much. You can go to our webpage, dissonancepod.com, click on Donate, and donate to the show. We got a message a while back from the Wayward Atheists, and it looks like we'll be doing a podcast with them this Sunday.

I will let you know when that particular episode airs, but we will be on the Wayward Atheist podcast. We got a message from Stuart. Stuart's gonna be a guest of ours, hopefully soon. We are gonna hopefully have Stuart on to talk about some of David Icke's biggest secret. Jesus Christ. We need to get back to talking to Stuart

to figure out what chapter is the best for... You just used the word best and chapter in reference to this book. In reference to David Icke. For Stewart to come on. But Stewart had mentioned why 19.5, Tom, is a significant number. I'm so mad. I'm going to read this.

I'm going to read this out loud as if this was a series of words that strung together in this order makes sense. Quick, quick version. Richard C. Hoagland, phase on Mars guy, believes in hyperdimensional torsion physics. Is that where your ball gets twisted? That's it, right? You got it.

It's a fucking emergency. Like you got to, that's fucking terrible. You got to really got to work. I mean, yeah. Michelle Bachman does that to her husband all the time. That's it, right? He says, thank you. Can I have another?

Something he made up from Russians who made it up. 19.5 comes from the angle, the point of a tetrahedron makes with the circumference of a sphere that it's inscribed within. What? Who cares? I looked at this. I looked at this image that he sent us and it looks just like a triangle upside down in a circle. It does. It says Richard claims that it's at 19.5 multiples thereof and divisors thereof and other numerological combinations thereof, sharpshooter fallacy, where upwellings of energy happen on planets. David Icke being the

great thief of all new age crap took it from Richard and incorporated into his mythology. We're finding out that David actually steals from everybody and he's the whirlwind of this whole. He's not that bad. Yeah, he's not that bad. Whirlwind's a monster.

We got a David Icke bumper. This is from Null. In simple terms, there is a predator race which take a reptilian form. They're feeding off humanity. They've turned humanity into a slave race. They demand human sacrifice.

That's where Satanism comes in. They feed off human energy, particularly feed off the energy of children. Say what? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What a load of shit. I don't know what all that means. I just thought I might use it someday. I like it. I like it. It's good.

We got an image that I'm going to put on this week's show notes. Jesus Christ. Exactly. That's exactly it. What am I going to do with on this week's show notes. Jesus Christ. Exactly. That's exactly it. What am I going to do with this? That's exactly it. If you want to see this image, you'll need to go to our website, distancepod.com, and check out episode 304.

I don't know what our lives have become. I didn't write any haikus today. I didn't have time, but we did get an haiku. This one is from Jim Bob. time but we did get an iqoo uh this one is from jim bob aquatic nagas evil human reptile gods or just crocodiles i like that i like that it's got a great ending nicely done jim bob we got an image uh for this week and uh everybody knows uh our mannequin gary gary has a whole family a whole family of crazy-looking mannequins. The little girl's the most terrifying one, in my opinion.

She looks... The problem with the little girl mannequin is she looks abjectly terrified. And, well, she looks terrified, but she also looks like a fuck doll. She looks like she's about to be... She looks like right then in that photo, she just got penetrated by surprise.

Like a tentacle or something. It's in japan so i think it's a tentacle we got another david ike bumper this one is from steven what the fuck? That's a contender right there. That one's really good. It's just funny. I like that one a lot. We got a message from Angie, and Angie wanted to know, the question is, how is Sarah able to read the book from that Ike guy without cracking up and saying, what the fuck?

Are you drugging her before her having to read it? No, it's not like I'm going to have sex with her. You couldn't give her enough drugs. You kidding me? No, but Sarah, my wife Sarah reads for us, and there are many times that she'll just burst out laughing. She'll just stop and hold the book and look

at me like, what the fuck is this? What am I supposed to be doing with this? It's like when she's got your cock in her hand. She's just like, is there another one you can can we swap she's like i didn't ask for a tic tac it looks at you like i've got two hands for a reason big fella and then i get the dildo out of the closet like i'm fine i'm fine i'll get you do you i'll fine i'll get you do you i'll fine i'll get captain 20 diesel it's like a you can use it to like fucking chip concrete it's like it like doubles as a sawzall you got a minute the lights dim a little bit when we plug

this one it needs its own generator it's got a 220 outlet no but uh unplug the washing machine we're about to get real. But yeah, she does that all the time. She constantly... I edit it out, obviously, but yeah, she laughs. And there's a couple times that Tom has caught that she has actually laughed right before and I caught it. I can hear her smile.

Yeah, you can hear that cut. I can hear the smile. We got a message from Matt, Tom, that you wanted to read. He said, I just thought I'd express a recent thought after binge listening to a bunch of back episodes. It really strikes me that Cecil especially embodies the spirit of the truly unbiased and open-minded skeptic, often giving the benefit of the doubt to even the most dipshitted fuckwaddle of sources. It is actually all the more poignant to hear these idiots utterly thrashed

after giving him every possible effort to see things from their side. Keep it up, man. I think that's great because that is something that I have always admired about you is that you genuinely do keep an open mind. My mind is as snapped shut as most ladies' legs when they meet me. When they meet you. Or when they get to know me. When they hear about you.

Or when they see your photo. And then months into a relationship. Or when they hear your voice. We got a message. This is from the Irreverent Skeptics podcast. And they were talking about, I said that there was a shorter delay for long guns in Illinois than there was for handguns. And they said, Cecil pointed out that there's a shorter delay for long guns in Illinois and speculated that's because they do less damage. Let me clear that up for you while both handguns and long long guns deal 3d6 plus 4 damage the long gun requires both melee and range weapon proficiencies

so you need to be at a higher level to be able to use them so you're more trustworthy than someone just it's just the range weapon proficiency this is amazing this is because long guns are also usable as clubbing weapons like maces or hammers or hey hey like clubbing weapons like the guy who went down the pulse that's a clubbing weapon it's a clubbing weapon oh no yeah oh that's awesome i love that fucking awesome fucking role-playing game reference that made me laugh thank you very much reverend skeptics's podcast. We got an image. It's an image that's just super bitchy. This is from Devin. It's the best way to put it. This message, this image, I'm going to put it on this episode, but it basically, I'll read it to you. It says, miracle, noun, not explicable by natural

or scientific laws. And then it shows a billboard that says birth proof miracles happen so funny and it's such a great image i'll put it on this week's show notes i always hated that like every birth is a miracle crap or look at this miracle or like we had a miracle happening you're just like no it's fucking it's like it's like me taking a shit and calling that a miracle like it's super predictable it's just a function of the human body, man. It's like, are you ovulating? Yes. Here's some baby batter. Alright, there's a pretty good chance we just made a human. There's no fucking

miracle. Unless you fall down the stairs, we got a pretty good world. Now that's a miracle. We got a pastor, Steven Anderson bumper, and this is perfect. He just cut this perfectly from last week's show. I'm a brainwashed idiot.

I don't read the Bible. I don't love God. I'm just a brainwashed fool that has my mind filled with TV, Hollywood, and can't think for myself. That is awesome. Thank you, Matt, for sending that in. That was great. Great.

We got a message from Tom, and Tom said that he's a big fan and a patron supporter, and he wanted to know if we wanted to come by and brew some beer. He has a really cool little beer set up. Little? That is a – That looks amazing. It looks amazing. But we did want to use this as a jumping off point because someone else had invited us out. We're going to start planning, hopefully – well, I'm had invited us out. We're going to start planning, hopefully.

Well, I'm not going to start. Tom's going to start planning a. Wait, I'm going to do a thing? Oh, yeah, you're going to do it. I'm not doing it. A thing? We're going to do a meetup, hopefully, in the fall. It might actually be the winter because we are going away for like two weeks in the fall.

Who can I delegate this to? I feel like. I don't know, Tom. It's going to be real tough. But anyway, Tom's going to figure out a day, and he's going to let us know soon when we're going to get together. But we will have a Chicago meetup for sure before the end of the year. Finally tonight.

Yes. Here's a song. Yes. Of metal and a pitbull. It's going to be great. Called Canius. Caninus. Caninus. Caninus.

Whatever. You love it. It's like the dog that fucking barks jingle bells. It's like the goats that do Silent Night. Yeah. I will say the growl is good because it does sound like the... God, it's just awful music. I can't beat off to that.

Yes, you can. Don't cut yourself short. If I do, it's just so fast. It's over so quickly. I like to have nice, like, I like love music. Gotta let it, gotta let it. I like to romance myself. I'll make myself. Gotta let it. I like to romance myself. I'll make myself

a nice cheese plate. Get some candles, a nice glass of wine. I drink a little too much wine. And I wake up in the morning with a finger, my own finger in my ass, and I'm like, wait, I said no! But I said yes. Well, that's going to wrap it up for this week.

We will have next week hopefully two shows. Yes, indeed. And a Pastor Manning show. Yeah, we've got a lot of work to do. We've got a lot of work to do this week. I hope the fucking religious nuts do some funny shit between now and then. We're looking forward to it. And also look for us.

We'll let you know when we'll be on that other podcast too. But until then, we're going to leave you like we always do with the skeptics creed credulity is not a virtue it's fortune cookie cutter mommy issue hypno Babylon bullshit couched in scientician double bubble

toil and trouble pseudo quasi alternative acupunctuating pressurized stereogram pyramidal free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment. Leo, Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls,

Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody. Evidential. Conclusive. Doubt even this.

The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. Outro Music