Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 308: Say Super PAC!

Episode Date: August 1, 2016

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Hey, guys. Chad from Denver. Just a couple things. I just listened to a couple of your recent episodes. Listened to your Concealed Carry class. Yeah, mine was the same.

It was supposed to be here in Denver. It was supposed to be two days, eight hours. What it actually was, was three hours. They walked us through the 10 questions. We went to the range and shot a 22 at 10 feet, 10 shots. And we were in and out. But yeah, I had the same people from my class as in your class. And listening to the latest episode.

Yeah, I caught one of those Limp Bizkit tapes too. I think the name of it was Counterfeit, and there was like three songs on it. Yeah, it was horrible. It was so bad. I sold the car the next week with the tape still in the tape deck. Yeah, I think the whole car was painted after that, and I just let the whole thing go.

Anyway, thanks, guys. Bye. Yeah, AC sold the Desert Dave down in San Antonio, what the whole thing goes. Anyway, thanks guys. Bye. Hey, Cecil. It's the desert day down in San Antonio and I was just listening to the most recent episode of 3-0 something something and I noticed a couple

of the messages as the front mentioned that you had a birthday and it was never mentioned on the last episode before that but or else maybe, you know, like Tom,

I don't really pay that much attention to what's going on on the episode episode before that, but, or else maybe, you know, like Tom, I don't really pay that much attention to what's going on in the episode. But anyway, I wanted to wish you a happy crawling out of the glory old age, and say welcome to old age, motherfucker.

Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from glory hole studios in chicago this is cognitive dissonance every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way we bring critical thinking skepticism and irreverence to any topic that makes the news makes it big or makes us mad it's skeptical it's political and there is no welcome at this is episode 308 of cognitive distance did you did you get a basket there i did what were you what were you going for as you're throwing garbage around our studio i was going for the can but i made it in the new glaris box and i call that a win and you got his bank shot into a different basket doesn't matter basically i scored in the opponent's basket you couldn't score if you it's so true it's so true because i'm fat you score the wrong hole that's what just

happened hey it's never the wrong those are called happy accidents for me for me that's fine those are happy accidents for me it's like well those are anal tearing for other people you're just like well anal tearing oh my kidding me jesus that's only when i have the strap on mild annoyance that's when i have the strap on i'm just in there just like well while i'm here it's like i mean it's like the size of a bag one of those little sesame sesame breadsticks no the strap on is huge oh yeah yeah no i just fit my cock inside it's like when it's a surrogate it's like when you put a fake nose over your nose you've got a fucking rushing nesting doll of cocks like i know it's just one on but it's only two

it's still not no it's only two that's the first one is like whoa and the second one's and it even makes a sad sound like when you unveil it just like there's just like a fucking like you look around the room like trombone sound where the fuck did the sad trombone music come from? It's unbelievable. And why is it every time? You just turn around and look at me like, do you just follow me everywhere? With that thing? Jesus.

So this is episode 308 of Cognitive Distance. We've got some fucking crazy stories. But before we start going through them, because the first story we're going to talk about is Donald Trump. I'm increasingly distressed cecil yeah okay um i have been saying for some time sure that uh that trump cannot win this election sure how does that taste now like the ashes of my dead grandmother oh you shared those with me those are actually pretty good they weren't bad they were surprising like the ashes of my dead grandmother. Oh, you shared those with me.

Those are actually pretty good. They weren't bad. They were surprising. Umami flavor. She had a lot of fat on her. So it's like, the thing is, is there's ashes and cracklins. So it was very much cream in her as they rendered her.

Oh, geez. Oh, grandma. Oh, that's just awful. But he could – he could – Trump couldn't not lose. I can't say it. I can't bring myself to get there. It's okay. One day, President Trump, it's just going to roll off the tongue.

It's going to be great. You'll love it. You'll love it. We are doomed. We're just straight doomed. Yeah. Oh, yeah. if we are doomed like we're just straight doomed yeah oh yeah if god did you did you see the thing that he did today where he asked the russians to cyber hack the department of defense or whatever email yeah he's asking he's asking for another country to engage in an act of cyber espionage to help him win an election this Yeah, this is our future president.

I can't understand that. That's literally traitorous. I fucking hate you. I... No. God! No! Yes. So perfect, though.

It's good. It's dusty in here. President Trump. Just say it with me. I can't say it with you. I can't. No. Just start with President.

President. Trump. Clinton. Oh, God. He is one. I think Sam Harris puts it perfectly. He says. This song is making me so sad right now.

Because the situation is making you sad. The situation of my life. Listen to this song. He says that he's going to instead vote for Hillary because he's not afraid that Hillary will run civilization off a cliff. His words, not mine. His words, not mine. Tell me that that's not possible. It's so it's probable.

It's probable. It's just nightmare fuel. When I was on Reddit today and there was like a question on Reddit, like ask Reddit thing, and it was like, name something great that happened in 2016. And like fucking like 40 of the posts, the top posts were like,

Trump's going to win. No. And that was on Reddit. It was, I threw up on my computer and then I threw my computer in the garbage and i threw up in the garbage it's that bad it's that fucking if any countries are looking for two people who do not contribute to society oh that's us that could be us i'll immigrate literally anywhere like a

botswana i don't care i don't even know where that is so uh have the minister of liberia okay i'll stay here. The thing is, we'll just be Liberia the sequel. Yeah, exactly. We'll just be a bigger version. That's it. We're just a larger, bigger version of Liberia or North Korea. I mean, are we just going to import bot flies at this point?

Everybody gets a side order of Zika. It's just terrible. I love those little kids with their little heads. It's great. They got the best heads. They got the best heads. We got pretty much the best heads.

The best, tiniest heads. Those little, what do you call them? Little microcephaly kids. The very best part is that I can reach my entire hands and the circumference of their head. And it's one of the few kids I can do that with because I have tiny little fingers. I crush them all like a great pop. It's's like popping those uh bubble wrap pop pop the little zika heads poke poke poke oh jesus so this story comes from right wing watch um jesus christ so uh geez all right so trump rally closes in a prayer asking him to stand firm against satan

this is just some honestly rambling gibberish yeah so i what i really want to play is the guy reading the the uh prayer yeah and we'll get to there but we're probably not going to continue playing it all the way through go ahead give him I like that question, actually. Right. Fucking yokels are just yelling shit. Just. Yeah. It's like a town hall where these people I've. This is their first time in a town. I know.

Right. In a hall. They've never been in either. They're just like these floors. Hey, maids and dirt. Holy cow. They put a roof up on the stars, mama. Mama, you can't even see the moon. It's amazing in here.

They got them sitting chairs lined up all pretty like. Is that real metal? Hold on, I think I hear an echo. Let me just shout a lot. Wahoo! Mama, you hear that? Let me see if there hear an echo. Let me just shout a lot. Wahoo! Mama, you hear that? Let me see if there's an echo. Wahoo!

No, that's the guy across the way saying wahoo to me as well. Where's the coon check? I got to check. The coon check. Is that? I don't know. I know. Just let it go.

Let it go. Give him a mic because that's such a great question. Go ahead. God bless America. All right. It's on now. Checking in. Okay. The most important question of all, of course, is how can we

be praying for you? We love you so much, Donald Trump. you so much, Donald Trump. Nobody... People love Trump. I don't even understand somebody begrudgingly accepting Trump. And Mike, we are so

proud of you guys. You guys are our anthem. How can Mike Pence and Donald Trump be somebody's And Mike, we are so proud of you guys. You guys are our anthem. You guys are our anthem. How can Mike Pence and Donald Trump be somebody's favorite song? You guys are the song that most represents us. We're two dudes. That's like, I don't even. Okay.

We're not Simon and Garfunkel. Here's the thing. This guy doesn't words well. You're going to hear why in a second. Supporting the Constitution better than we ever could have thought a candidate could. Supporting the Constitution better than we ever thought a candidate could. How many constitutions

could a candidate support if a candidate could support a constitution? Both of you are champions and patriots. Just generally champions? Wait a minute. They're not champions of anything no no no no no because we are the champions really i don't know what donald trump really a champion of but fucking himself like literally fucking himself that's it that guy's constantly masturbating

oh i got the best dick i'm fucking coming the best cum right now. You see me jerking. It's the best jerk I got. I'm the best at all this. Yeah, this is the best. Pretty much you're going to learn how to jerk from the Trumpster. I wrote a book, The Art of the Jerk. I don't know if you read it. Everybody who hasn't pulled it just like this is doing it wrong.

New York Time bestseller. I don't know if you read it. Art of the Jerk. It was up there for 106 weeks, Fred Savage. 106 weeks. We love you. We're proud of you you and we want to pray for you maybe not why don't i just pray for you guys right now i'll do it right now okay people

are cheering in the audience like he's gonna pray for him guys can't wait for him to pray it's like being excited someone's gonna imagine for you i'm really excited that you're gonna think of something for me. This is like trying to get excited that your kid drew you a fucking picture. Oh yeah. Yeah. You know, like dad drew you a picture. It's fucking garbage. It's terrible. Like I'm going to throw this away when you're not looking.

It's the worst thing you've ever done. Nobody cares. Nobody loves you. I'm going to roll. Okay. Okay. Lord, we thank you so much for what these men represent in this country. We thank you that your hand is upon them and that they are called up and raised up for this time. And we are asking right now that they will be able to stand firm against the vials of the enemy God. The vials of them. Yeah, no, it's tiny enemies.

You just put them in little glass jars and you throw them. The vials of the enemy. The vials of enemy, yeah. That's just amazing. Yeah. This guy's job is to words yeah this is his job he's a preacher the enemy god against satan you live in a supernatural world look at this ball we're on it's we're held down by gravity two inches closer to the sun we'd all burn two inches further away we'd all we'd all freeze okay there you go spit it but also this guy thinks this guy now this is not an uncommon thought, right? Because I know that there's some memes and things where people say this.

It's not an uncommon thought where people think this, but it's seriously – if you just think about it for a half a second, a half a second, that there's a two-inch deviation of the Earth's orbit and and it's an average of 93 million miles away from something else. And there's a deviation of two inches. These people think that there's a deviation of two inches. Can you imagine? You would think every time somebody climbed a ladder, they'd catch on fire. Right, exactly. It's just like, ah! Two inches away.

146 million kilometers is our closest to the sun, and our farthest is 152 million kilometers. Wow, when you say it like that. So it's plus or minus 6 million kilometers. It's plus or minus 6 million kilometers. Or two inches. And this guy thinks it's two inches. Because he read it somewhere on the fucking inner tubes, dude. But I mean, just think about it for half a second.

No, that is not his forte, brother. So we just ask right now, God, that we'll humble ourselves and realize that we are created. We need your help and your support to make them the vessels that they need to be to stand up for freedom. The freedom that you authored in our Constitution. In Jesus name we pray. Amen. Wow. Are you a minister or a pastor?

Wow. He is. Thank you, Reverend. Now I feel better. He is. Thank you. Sorry. I have a pre-verbal toddler right now who goes to regular speech therapy appointments.

And if he fucking vomited out that fucking witless diatribe, I would accelerate the amount of fucking speech therapy he was provided. I would immediately. I would abuse him. Or I'd crush his head against the rocks. And it doesn't mean that there aren't groups of people in this country that, you know, that I have sympathy for. I do. And there are kids that were brought into this country by their parents, unknowing that they were breaking the law. And there are kids that were brought into this country by their parents unknowing that they were breaking the law. And they will say to me and others who defend the rule of law, we have to do something about the 11 million. And some of them are valedictorians.

Well, my answer to that is, and by the way, their parents brought them in. It wasn't their fault. It's true in some cases, but they aren't all valedictorians. They weren't all brought in by their parents. For everyone who's a valedictorian, there's another hundred out there that they weigh 130 pounds and they've got calves the sides of cantaloupes because they're hauling 75 pounds of marijuana across the desert. Well, here we go. Right wing watch. It's amazing. Lawmaker compares Hillary Clinton's immigration policy to ethnic cleansing. Well, let's listen to him. I'm curious, I mean, because if it's ethnic cleansing, that's

pretty bad. Yeah, that's no good. This election is unique because of the number of Supreme Court nominees. Now, if you look back in history, the Republicans,

sometimes they select good justices, sometimes they select bad ones. The Democrats have a laser focus. Everybody they put on that court is a wicked SOB. Every time, every time with those goddamn Democrats and their wicked sobs i will say this man fucking ginsburg wicked sob and they never change they don't they could care less what the law says they're there as politicians sure oh god sure they are sure they got these people who've dedicated their entire lives.

I don't understand you fucking mouth-breathing fucking moron. It's their job to interpret the law. So that's their job. So when you say they don't pay attention to the law, is it bullshit? They're actively interpreting it for the rest of us. actively interpreting it for the rest of us the idea the very suggestion that the contemplation alone that somebody rises to the level of supreme court justice of which there are only nine right in the entire fine they you rise to that level and you're like laws what be laws really they don't even they don't have any respect for the law really really somebody

who's dedicated their entire life people whose careers whose fucking resume whose fucking cv compared to yours yeah it makes you like are you kidding me that's comparing your dick to a porn star dick right like that's it you're just like yeah i don't even know what that is a woman's porn star right yeah it's like it's like you've got a fucking half-eaten Cheeto between your legs by comparison. And they're there to do the bidding of their party. And so anybody who thinks that we can count on having fair elections in four years and redoing things. Wait, why would we not have fair elections these people are all end of the world end of democracy and all that stuff they said the same thing with obama

they've been saying the same thing for a long time that there won't be the next election because obama will find a way to keep himself and they've been saying how long i don't even saying that but like okay so fine hillary wins i think what they're saying is hillary wins this election and then she appoints new Supreme Court justices. Okay. And then in four years she's able to run again. That's perfectly... So why would we not have a fair election? Because

I think that they're saying the same thing with Obama. That you just declare like martial law and there is no election? I am the law. I am the election. Sorry. The bitch is back. I don't know. Well, how would that work? I don't know. I seriously don't know. Well, I'm angry and I demand the law. I am the election. Sorry, the bitch is back. I don't know. Well, how would that work? I don't know.

I seriously don't know. Well, I'm angry and I demand an answer. I mean, fucking, I figured there would be some sort of coup of some sort. Like a Supreme Court justice coup? Yeah. With a bunch of like the fucking oldest people ever just like, I want some power and Metamucil. I've seen that movie Red or whatever it is. Red Dog?

No, it's the one. What is it called? Red something? Wait, is that Bruce Willis? Yeah, Redis yeah red it's called i haven't seen it yeah it's called red it's just a it's a movie about um old cia people maybe that's how they pull it off they just have like one last i think ginsburg the thing is is like i think if you put ginsburg in the rambo outfit you'll be surprised. Ginsburg's probably got fucking moves. I have a feeling that she probably could shoot an explosive crossbow pretty well.

I can see her like in the movie Commando. She jumps down in a shed and throws a fucking saw blade into someone's head. She grabs George W. Bush and holds him off a cliff. Remember when I said I'd kill you last? I lied. I would love to see. Now I want to watch that movie again. I want to see Ginsburg in it, though.

God, that would be great. She's all fucking scrawny and old. She's fucking so old. It's like fighting a chicken leg. She's essentially made of dust and reconstituted. Like, that's her body. If a person could be an MRE, that would be Gisbert.

That's a pipe dream. It's not going to happen because Hillary Clinton is going to keep the borders open. Keep the borders open implies that the borders are currently open. Right. You didn't notice the way that the borders are open? They're not currently open. Well, they're not closed in the sense that we have not created a thousands-mile-long physical barrier. That's true, but the borders are not currently open.

These people seem to be laboring under the misapprehension that when they look at a map, those squiggly lines, I think they expect to drive to a place and see the line. Right. I really do think so. I really do think that they expect to drive to the bottom of the country and it would be at the bottom somewhere. Then they would look down and they would see, well, that line, them squiggle line makes it to America, to Mexico, right?

That's how that works. Like, really? Yeah. I sort of think that they're – And if they reached out to touch it, there would be a force field between countries. Like, is my arm Mexican now? Does my arm speak Spanish?

I want a gordita. Is it poisoning me? I think you're right. I think that they don't understand the – but they just don't understand too that we just don't have open borders. Like there was about a million immigrants last year. Or not last year. I think it was between 14 and 15 there was about a million because it's hard to get the last year stats or whatever but you know a million immigrants is not a ton of people and most of those immigrants um 150 000 of them i want to say

were from china and about 140 000 of them are 150 000 were india so china and india are a third of the immigrants that we got in like last year and then you know you look at other countries there's other countries where sure you know people are coming from in large numbers canada has a large number of people that come to the united states for some fucking unknown reason i have no idea why you would do that lost i don't i i what i figure is is that they started the process and they were just too embarrassed to stop. They were like, well, sorry. Yeah, well, okay. Well, yeah, I guess I'll just become American then.

Okay, yeah. Wait me to the location. Do you like beavers down there too? Because we really like them up here. I love my maple syrup, so I hope you got some. You got Tim Hortons? Seriously. I think they're just embarrassed.

Why would you be? But there's – and then Mexico, of course, there is about 100 – it was 130,000 or something I read. So a goodly sum of Mexicans as well. But the amount of people that come into this country, those – all those people, that's not open borders. It's not like they just fling open the door and be like, first 130,000 of you, go. We have not had an open first- like, first time in 38,000 of you, go. We have not had an open first-come, first-served immigration policy in fucking many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many years. And the other thing that people don't understand too is that Obama under his administration has deported more people than many other administrations. I think most other administrations, especially in recent memory and deported more than bush and in his time it's shorter than bush and he's deported

more people and he's deporting people that are criminals yes but then also people that are that are just picked up for like fucking traffic violations right and then that and their entire family is here he's like oh sorry whoopsie doodle gotta go back to where you belong and then especially if like the kids came here like a really young age it's like, oops, sorry, whoopsie doodle, got to go back to where you belong. And then especially if the kids came here at a really young age, it's like, yeah, hey, you know the country that you guys left when you were a baby and had no control over? We're going to send you back there. I know you're 16. That's okay. Go ahead.

Go with your dad. Laters. Yeah, you don't speak the language. You have no identification with the culture. You've been functioning as an American citizen for a decade and a half. And they treat those people like prisoners too. Those people – Yeah, they go into detention centers.

They go into detention centers. Which are jails. And then they essentially hold them for a while and then they fly them out to their country to their places and there's a there's one in in illinois there's two of them in illinois one in woodstock and one in bridgeview i think is what it's called and they're they're detention centers where these people go before they get loaded on a plane and sent away and some of them yes for violent crimes absolutely and i fucking i agree with those but when it's non-violent crimes like a fucking traffic ticket or you know whatever some some weird effects you just got caught up then they just get caught and they get deported they get deported just as much as other

people and they're breaking up families and that happens all the time that's not it that's not a like these people they fucking selectively don't talk about that stuff well i also think they wouldn't give a shit i also think they would not they wouldn't give a shit but but in a way obama agrees with them right in a way ob Obama is doing their work for them. And Hillary will too. Yeah, and Hillary will continue on with deportations. Let's not pretend otherwise. Hillary will do the same thing.

Donald Trump will do even worse. Donald Trump will supposedly round up every single illegal immigrant and send them away. That's what his job is. Sure he will. That's what he's going to do. He's going to somehow fund that by cutting taxes. Somehow he's going to find them. Yeah. He's going to find them and he's going to fund it. I mean, what is's going to do. He's going to somehow fund that by cutting taxes. Somehow he's going to find them. He's going to find them and he's going to fund it.

Are they going to have to fucking wear a mark on their arm? I think so. Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, I know. And there's a lot of illegal immigrants in this country. To remove that many people from this country – first off, think that you can remove them is ridiculous. That's absurd. But then once you remove them, if you let's just presume that you somehow magically can fucking poof there away, the amount of fucking vacuum of fucking jobs that nobody wants is going to be absolutely ludicrous. There are industries in this country that are absolutely driven by illegal immigrant labor.

Absolutely fucking driven by food. The whole food industry, the food, the meatpacking industry is absolutely – is just populated with this. Can you imagine if you had to pay a living wage to everybody that worked in that industry? I mean we've talked about this before, but America has been – always has been built on the backs of quasi-slave or slave labor. It was built on the backs of actual slave labor. Then it was built on the backs of the Irish, the Chinese. All we're doing

is cycling through which ethnicity we exploit through the course of our history. The ethnicity du jour. It just so happens that it's Hispanics right now. That's what it is now. All we're in is a place where it's Hispanics rightpanics i'm just looking forward to the day it's women

looking forward to that day i just can't wait for its swedish women yeah i want it to be attractive i want it to be exceedingly attractive i'll tell you what they can work in my meat packing industry i'll tell you what though i'll tell you what, though. They definitely earned their minimum wage. For the minimum amount of work they have to do. It wasn't that hard. I was worked. It wasn't that hard.

We're undergoing this immense immigration, which really amounts to ethnic cleansing. No, it doesn't. Not even close. It's not even close to ethnic cleansing. Immense amount of immigration results in ethnic cleansing. Are we at this level of discourse now where we're just basically using lies and exaggerations to explain? Are you asking that question? It's just blatant scare tactics.

Essentially what you're saying is I'm just going to insert a word for something that doesn't mean anything. I'm just going to insert a scary word. So you could be like, well, will there be a holocaust of immigration? Could you use that word? You maybe could say that will there be an influx of a nuclear annihilation level? That's another one. Just whatever scary thing. Just whatever scary thing you want to be on.

I'll be terrified when there are so many non-Christians. We have a global famine of migrants. When we have an Ebola outbreak. Exactly. All you're doing is just putting a word in that doesn't mean that. Right. Ethnic cleansing means killing people. Right.

It does not mean more of an ethnicity – Gets to live in your country. Dilutes your ethnicity. Right. That's not what it means. No, it doesn't. That's not – And America is not – yeah, and America is not one ethnicity anyway.

Well, that's the other thing too. Like we're not – it's like these guys want America to be all a bunch of wasps. They want it to be Christian. They want it – and he's going to talk about Christians in a second. He's going to talk about Christians in a second. He's going to talk about Christians in a second. And the delusion, basically the delusion, not delusion, delusion of

Christians in this country. And you're like... Because, wait a minute, because the Mexicans that he's complaining about? I know, I know. The fucking Catholic Mexicans? They're Catholics. By and large Catholics. And it doesn't make any sense. I will say this. The Indians and the Chinese will make up a significant non-Christian portion of

that program, admittedly. But they forget about that, because they're not complaining about Chinese. No, they're not. They're complaining about the southern border, and they're just not saying it. Yeah, they're not articulating what ethnicity bothers them, but there will be an ethnicity.

You're right. That's exactly what they're talking about, brown immigrants. Yes. That's what they're trying to do. They're trying to shatter the cohesion of the American people, not only in terms of ethnicity, but also in terms of religion. Nobody thinks like that either. Let me say, too, some human being, every human being that crosses the border is just one human being. And everyone that crossed the border is like, oh, what are you doing? Well, I'm going to go through this unbelievably dangerous, arduous journey where I may lose my savings or my life or everything that I've ever held dear.

And I'm going to do that to shatter the cohesion of the American people's liberty? What the fuck would I get? They want a food and a job. Well, that's what they have to put that on your application form to immigrate here. What are you doing shattering the cohesion of American liberty? It's also part of the oath. The gay, gay, gay took my baby away. The jigger away, away from me.

The gay, gay, gay took my baby away. The jigger away, away from me. Hey! So that's probably the best possible song to intro this fucking nightmare. This is from Right Wing Watch. Former KKK leader, David Duke. That's right. Yes. David Duke is running for Senate because Donald Trump trump is championing his issues i couldn't look at this guy's face when he talked i mean i've seriously been horrifyingly burned he looks

like mason verger from the hannibal movie he does you know when a guy shaves his own face up with glass and fed it to a dog yeah no i think that this guy no wait he hasn't recovered you're right yeah he has not he clearly has not recovered m Mason Verger had a better way with words too, I would say, than David Duke. Let's listen to David Duke's Senate – I mean I don't know. He's making a Senate run now. He was a senator I think for a little while. Are you kidding? Yeah, David Duke was in Congress.

He was an actual senator? I think he was in Congress. Oh, no. Oh, God. Former one-term Republican Louisiana state representative. Are you kidding? He was a candidate in the Democratic presidential primaries in 1988 and the Republican one in 92.

What? And unsuccessfully ran for the Louisiana State Senate, the United States Senate, the United States House of Representatives, and governor for Louisiana. Senate, the United States Senate, the United States House of Representatives, and governor for Louisiana. In 2002, Duke pled guilty to defrauding supporters by falsely claiming to be impoverished and in danger of losing his home in order to solicit emergency donations at a time Duke was financially secure and used the donations for recreational gambling. Oh my God.

And clearly used it for facial reconstruction surgery. Well, it failed. He needed more money. Send some more emergency funds. After the great outpouring of overwhelming support, I'm proud to announce my candidacy for the United States Senate. I believe in equal rights for all and respect for all Americans. That's why I'm a former grand wizard of the KKK.

This guy's the fucking former fucking poobah of the water buffalo hate group. Absolutely. Yeah, exactly. Of the people who wear hoods and light crosses on fire and say hateful things to minorities. Yeah. In Louisiana. Yeah. I mean, not even like in a state with like laws and civilization but like in louisiana yeah basically this is a state run by alligators

okay now some of those alligators wear tuxedos it's okay all right them's fancy alligator and a tuxedo is adorable it is again i just, I just said, I will admit, that's fancy alligators. However, what makes me different is I also demand respect for the rights and the heritage of European Americans. That's what makes him different. Why does that make you different, first off? Well, because what he really means is white power. I passed the only bill in America forbidding affirmative action programs that racially discriminate against the best qualified. Thousands of special interest groups stand up for African-Americans, Mexican-Americans, Jewish-Americans, etc., etc.

Did he say etc.? He did. He etc. He etc.? Would he like to have an expresso? That's so awful. The fact is that European Americans need at least one man in the United States Senate, one man in the Congress who will defend their rights

and heritage. Oh, I know because there's no other white dudes. If only our government could have more white men in it, then we'd be better represented. I'll tell you what, Tom, we would have it on easy street. What would happen if we had any white people in it. Man, could you imagine? That would be better represented. I'll tell you what, Tom. We would have it on easy street. What would happen if we had any white people in power? Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me? Did somebody fart? Somebody gasped. Somebody farted. Now, it might be hard for the audience to hear. It's awesome. I'm going to see if I can. Hold on.

I'm going to do a little CSI enhance on it. I farted. Now, it might be hard for the audience to hear. It's awesome. I'm going to see if I can. Hold on. I'm going to do a little CSI enhance on it. He farted. He just did. He couldn't even edit out his fucking gas. Excuse me. We must stop the massive immigration and ethnic cleansing of the people whose forefathers created America. Again with the ethnic cleansing. Ethnic cleansing.

I have not been cleansed. I mean, everybody who's ever known me will attest to that. There's no danger of it. I don't leave the house thinking, man, I hope I don't run into an ethnic cleanser today. Ethnic cleanser? Somebody's like, you're sitting in your house watching TV. Ethnic cleansers!

Hold on! sit in your house watching tv ethnic cleansers ah hold on no we're is this the kind with the pumice because it makes my skin just itch right up they're just they're just brown skin dudes those fucking big bristle brushes on handles cleansers we're the ethnic cleansers no go wash my car. I want you to detail my car. Do you speak English? English. No. No, no. Automobile. Automobile. Washy, washy.

Oh, God. I was the first major candidate in modern times to be super racist. I was the first modern candidate to openly be a former grand wizard of the KKK. I'm the first modern candidate to twist my mustache and laugh evilly as I stood on the backs of black Americans. I'm the first modern candidate without facial features. I'm the first modern candidate whose face has clearly been eaten by a chimpanzee. I'm the first modern candidate whose face has clearly been eaten by a chimpanzee. Promote the term and policy of America first.

We cannot have free trade without fair trade. We must protect American jobs and businesses. We must have total campaign reform. It's time to end all political PAC money and the control of politics by the oligarchs of finance and media this guy doesn't have any friends like he isn't he isn't anybody he is he hates minorities he hates rich people i mean what do you have left except for poor uneducated white people okay i guess that's it that's actually that's actually trump's entire and when you come down to voting block in louisiana right he Right. He's actually hitting it out of the park with this one. I'm sorry.

I misspoke. Yeah. There's a bunch of people who speak only in subtitles right now. There's a bunch of people. Down in Louisiana, you don't have the rules like no shoes, no shirt, no vote. They don't have those rules because those people don't own shoes or a shirt. We must enforce antitrust laws to break up the anti-American huge media conglomerates.

Anti-American huge media conglomerates? Like Fox News? Wait, anti-American? Yeah. I guess he's saying it's anti-American if there is a media conglomerate. The New York Times admitted that my platform became the GOP mainstream

and propelled Republicans to control of Congress. Yeah, that's because they were saying that the Republicans are racists. Wait a minute. Yeah, that's not a compliment. Yeah, that's not a good thing. What they're doing is they're using you as the low bar. They sold us out. I'm overjoyed to see Donald Trump and most Americans embrace most of the issues that I've championed for years. My slogan remains America first.

I've always said equal rights for all, special interests for none. I've always opposed these wars that lead our nation to disaster. I've supported fair trade. The people of Louisiana and America must have at least one man in the Senate who will never surrender, never give up, never sell out to the special interest. However, he will defraud you. That's another – like I may not do any of those other things, but I'm totally down with defrauding you. I'll steal your money and gamble with it.

If there's any way that we could pay off my bookie, he's a little angry with me. He has clearly carved off most of my face. He's a little angry with me. He has clearly carved off most of my face. The time is now. A revolution is coming. Is he going to scream freedom in a few minutes? Please do.

I hope somebody rips his intestines out while they do it. If they fucking put his head in Scotland Yard or whatever the fuck that guy's name was. The Jew guy. The guy who hates jews mel gibson that's his in the united states of america for the real people the vast majority of the american people we are going to go against the special interests we're going to free our country and we're going to change the politics of America. No, you're going to lose badly because you're a fucking well, you might win. Actually, Louisiana, it's a fucking that's a toss up. I know. Yeah, that's fucking distressing.

It's like I'm sure there's I'm sure there's plenty of people down there that when you say Congressman Duke, they make the same sound you make with President president trump but they'll be the ones listening to sound of silence election i'm not calling any more fucking elections that's i'm just done i'm done with this at this no more predictions i can't because you know like duke like fucking klingenschmitt got elected i know trump is doing like what is happening in the world yeah what is going on the guy is a fucking former kid like although it does give me hope i used to joke that i couldn't run for fucking dog catcher some of the shit i've said on this show sure if this fucking guy can still run yeah you're fine dude i'm gold you could probably kill a couple people i'm fucking pony boy man like i'm fucking staying golden you're good jesus yeah you might be able to rape and kill a couple people. There's like nothing worse to be.

Hell, that might help your chances. That might help. If I'm in Louisiana. Absolutely, yeah. If I'm in Louisiana, I could fucking do it on TV. I'd be a national hero. Depends on what war to Chicago. You could be Alderman.

Want to contact the guys? Go to DissonancePod.com to get links to their Google+, Facebook, and Twitter accounts. If you want to contact them directly, send an email to dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. Or you can call and leave a message at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. Do you want to support the show? Go to patreon.com. That's p-a-t-r-e-o-n.com forward slash dissonance pod

or click the link on the podcast home page and you can donate to the production of cognitive dissonance on a per episode basis if you can't spare any money take a second to give us a five star review on itunes or stitcher or spread the word about the show we want to send a big heartfelt glory hole to all the patrons and people who rate us you fucking rock so story's from right wing watch this is michael savage um just being an unbearable fucking monster of a human being just a deplorable deplorable savage i think i think what what when we come down right down to it though i think that this is this is this is the level of discourse that michael savage is capable of this is true this is as high as it gets yeah he no that's you know what that's that's very true

like he's not he's not fighting above his weight class right and his weight class is significant i mean let's be honest let's let's not you know we're definitely going to be honest here his weight class is very significant so let's listen to this whale of a human being creatures that are smaller than marsupials i fucking can i just say everything else has to be up a mil up to a million this motherfucking thing like everybody just we had to throw out a clip earlier we had to throw out a fucking clip earlier of phil robertson because the fucking asshole didn't know how to use the zoom or whatever and ran up to him and just fucking recorded everything on a fucking 12 yep like he did he skipped right over fucking spinal taps 11 and went to 12 and everything

is so bottomed out all you hear is a bassy rumble when people speak. You seriously cannot hear. Oh, it's garbage audio. You can't even hear it. At a certain point, you're spending so much time trying to hear it, just trying to decipher what is happening that it's just all gets lost. And this savage guy, man, they do the exact same thing. Is this what his fucking radio program sounds like?

I was just going to say like so bad. This is these are professionals. It's like no one has ever heard it and i i would imagine no one has ever heard it but it really does sound like nobody's ever even proofed it's an atrocity and this is on his show yeah this is on his actual show crazy they have names like anderson cooper wolf blinky blitzer blinky blitzer i like that i don't think that's his name i think that might be his name. That's not his name at all. It's his name if he lets you rub his belly button.

That's his name. You can call him Blinky. I know him on a first name basis. That's all right. They are the small creatures underneath the leaf droppings of the jungle floor. Leaf droppings? What is a leaf dropping? Does a leaf have a dropping?

What does that, like a leaf is poo? It's like a leaf poo? It's leaf excrement? I don't think that's a thing. Is that a thing? I think he What does that, like a leaf is poo? It's like a leaf poo? It's leaf excrement? I don't think that's a thing. Is that a thing? I think he just made that up. Okay. Maybe he, does he mean fallen leaves, Tom?

I think he does. Okay. Let's just, let's fix that for him. Okay. Guys, he means fallen leaves. Not leaf poo. Not leaf poo. Instead of focusing today on all of the damage around the world done by the Obamas.

Okay. That'd be hard to do. I love how we just pass right over that because what are we looking at again we don't want to name it specifically i don't want to talk about it we want to get bogged down in the details right i mean you know that makes me crazy because like if you were going to engage in a discourse about like things that obama got wrong you could do that like there's real things that you could criticize the obama administration on but just saying like well sure they're fucking horrifying monster people like oh really what they do well we don't want to talk about it specifically we want to just always do everything in vague terms well they wrote that woman's speech

years before instead they're focusing on a speech given by the newest first lady to appear on the stage as fresh as jackie o on her first appearance he knows because he smelled her panties wow what was what does that even mean as fresh as jackie o on her first appearance like as virginal as jackie o on her wedding night when i was peeking through the window watching her get deflowered seeing her hymen break and that spread of blood across the white sheets like what he's so weird he's so weird is he weird or are you weird i may be a little weird and they're frightened because she has trumped all of them melania trump has trumped all of them

all at once and you know she's so appealing that she's liable to garner a good percentage of hillary's woman vote what why why because she's appealing she's appealing this is gonna get so sexist so hard so fast this is gonna get fucking this is gonna get so crazy like he is gonna head down a fucking misogyny sexism sexism trade that's just going to be unstoppable. Absolutely. This is a guy-directed lesbian scene right now. Here we go. This is what I think women know women want. This is what lesbians do, right? This is how they do it.

What they do is they go after each other until a cock comes in the room. Isn't that how that works? Simply because she's so appealing. Now, regarding Melania's speech, yes, there's some overlap. But that's, of course, not the issue. You've got mail. Ah! This is on his radio show.

That's awesome. In the background, you hear the AOL, you've got mail. I haven't heard that since the 90s why is he running this on a cd awesome fucking just so you know they stopped making cheers years ago wow yeah wow that was where everybody knows your name hey guys night court's on in a half hour the issue is you know what the issue is it's not that the issue is that she is so appealing that the hillary clinton camp went insane fearing that melania has in fact captured the attention of the women of america who don't like hillary very much hillary's not attractive

women wait wait a minute wait a minute hold on wait a minute wait a minute. Wait a minute. So the female voters of America are going to vote for Donald Trump because Donald Trump's wife is more sexually appealing. Sexually appealing. That's what he is saying. Yeah. Out loud with his face. And I disagree with that anyway, right? You know how people have their, what do you call it, free pass list? Sure. people have their their uh what do you call free pass list sure you know you have a free pass list right where you say you're you know skipping another you're like you know if you ever happen

to get into a room with brad pitt you can you know i'll forgive you it's no problem i have that same pack of my wife but elizabeth warren is on top of that list like elizabeth warren is on top of that list if it's elizabeth warren and me and she's had her glass of red wine it's all and it's game on it's before matlock uncle cecil's gonna get some okay that's all i'm saying and hey if anybody else is weird and creepy i will tag them in no problem i'm there so i disagree with his assessment on your free pass my free pass elizabeth list. Elizabeth Warren. Elizabeth Warren's at the top. The very top. I love you like a brother.

You are doing this wrong. I don't know. I think I'm doing it really right. I think the best way to put that free pass list together is to be like, well, there's your sister. Like, well, there's your sister. Wait, did you say divorce list? Is that what you said? Is that what you said?

Yeah. That's awesome. You put that list together like, all right, now there's no judging, right? We're not going to judge here. All right. It's just like one of those things like if or when. Okay. Yeah. So your friend your sister and your niece is it do i do i use one pass if i beg them both at the same time? Jesus Christ. I can't.

You're writing out each other little coupons. Like when you're like, oh, you're dead. I'll feel a shoe shine or whatever. Here you go, dead. You just come home and you look at your wife. You don't say a word. You reach into your pocket. You pull out one of the free passes. It's better when you look at your wife. You don't say a word. You just walk in. You reach into your pocket. You pull out one of the free passes. It's better when you walk into your wife and you just make it rain.

It's a shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot. I'll tell you what. Can you get me a beer? You're off the hook for a week. I'm spent. But I'm serious. Liz Ziporn's top of the list. That's all I'm saying.

Yeah. I'd run through that. You'd have to fucking salt the earth where I've been. That's all I'm saying. Fucking run through that shit. Everybody salts the earth where you've been. She'd learn how flexible she is. That's all I'm saying. Fucking run through that shit. Everybody salts your where you've been. She'd learn how flexible she is. That's all I'm saying. Fucking ears. Fucking ankles

by your ears, Elizabeth. Ankles by your ears. Dude. Caliente. Alright, let's just... Stay super, Peck! All right, let's listen. Say super back. Oh, God. Oh, that's fucking amazing. I'm going to give you a contribution.

All right, let's listen to Fred Savage. Why? Let's listen. Let's finish up with Fred Savage here. Poor guy. Yeah. Let's go back to the wonder years. Here we go. Hillary's unattractive.

This is a country that lives on movie stars. Melania's a movie star. Hillary looks like a maid. She looks like Stalin's housekeeper. This is coming from one of the ugliest human beings. Let that not be lost on you. Yeah, no. This is a from one of the ugliest human beings like let let let that not be lost on you yeah no like this is a this is a fat troll of a man this is this is a guy who makes ron jeremy look like a 10 right you know what i mean this is a guy who walks into a hospital and immediately

alarms go off and people run to his aid this is a guy who gets free surgery offers in the mail kind of guy who orders ice cream through grub hub hey once one time gussied up that's number one and number two of course the reason the creatures underneath the leaf droppings of the jungle floor call the media. What the fuck? That's not a thing. Twice. We gave you the first one. God, what an idiot.

Leaf droppings. What a fucking idiot. This is the level of your discourse. And then it goes on to insult the looks of Hillary Clinton. It wouldn't matter if her fucking brain was in a jaw. I know. It doesn't matter. As long as she can perform the duties. Hillary Clinton, it wouldn't matter if her fucking brain was in a jaw. I know. It doesn't matter.

As long as she can perform the duties, I don't give a fuck if she looks like fucking David Duke. It wouldn't affect me at all. Right. The idea that her attractiveness is somehow related to whether or not she would be a good president. She can be horrible looking. Right. Like David Duke is horrible looking. She can be beautiful and awful. But David Duke is an looking. She could be beautiful and awful. But David Duke is an

awful person. So you make fun of David Duke's horrible looks and his awful personality. But then you look at her and you say, okay, well, can she perform the duties? Can she do the things? Does it matter that she looks like Stalin's fucking housekeeper or whatever he said?

Our obscuring doing this is to obscure all the problems that hillary has created have you forgotten the email scandal have you forgotten benghazi have you forgotten the clinton foundation cash scam can we talk a second about benghazi yeah we sure can benghazi is fucking can we blow something out of proportion more than benghazi not really easily no four people four people died yeah and it was four years ago, five years ago? Four people died in a raid that the other side lost 100 people. At least 100 people, right?

We're talking about fucking a place that is not stable, getting attacked. They did the best they could. Not stable, getting attacked. They did the best they could. We don't even bring up the fact that George Bush fucking wound up getting thousands and thousands of American soldiers killed for a war that was fucking just something that kind of a pet project for him. Well, and that 20 embassies during during the Bush administration, 20 embassies were raided. Sixty six people were killed in embassies across the world under the bush administration there were no congressional committees which were raised and formed and you know there wasn't this public outcry and this you know beating of our chest and you know furrowing of our brow and all

the bullshit that we're doing over benghazi look it's fucking benghazi these are people who again they signed up for a dangerous job knowing what it was. I'm not saying that they should have died. They certainly should not have died, but it's the same thing like, look, man, if I'm a fucking infantry soldier and I get shot, it's like that's your actual risk of your job. It's not like

a shock. Right. That's what I mean. Am I like, oh, well, fucking who cares? Good for you. I'm not saying that at all. I'm not at all saying that. But it's not a shock. But it's not like, fucking who cares? Good for you. I'm not saying that at all. I'm not at all saying that. But it's not a shock. But it's not like this was some guy at fucking Staples, right? It's not the same. The email thing too.

Sam Harris touches on this when he's talking about who he's going to vote for. And one of the things he says is, look, do I think she was trying to do it to be a spy or something? She was probably doing it out of convenience. Right. And she's also doing it out of secret. And she's also doing it out of secrecy. She doesn't want people to see her emails. She doesn't want people to see her private emails. She's also not the first person to do this. Other people have done it. Which is exactly what the investigation found. It found that not only have other people done it, but other

former secretary generals have done it. So this is not an ice, this is not like a hillary issue yeah this is just what they did across the board what they did yeah and and and yet that's what we're going to focus on now do i think that that hillary is a perfect candidate uh somebody who i think is is you know somebody who i'm excited to vote for no absolutely not do i think she's a liar and an opportunist absolutely absolutely i think that yeah i don't think that that's i don't think that is out of bounds or out of range but she's not a fucking garbage fighter yeah right right and she's and and the the fact of her qualifications whether you think she's qualified or not yeah right has

nothing to do with whether she's attractive absolutely has nothing to do with whether or not she can clean a house right you know what i mean i bet you she can't i don't care and you know why she can she's a woman oh god Oh, God. That's why, Tom. What play? Jesus, man. Somehow that didn't make it to the geniuses who are worried about a few lines of overlap from a speech that Michelle Obama gave

a number of years ago, which she lifted from someone else. Who? Well, she lifted it from someone else, Tom. I think he would know. He doesn't have to prove it in any way. He doesn't even have to cite who she lifted it from someone else, Tom. I think he would know. He doesn't have to prove it in any way. He doesn't even have to cite who she stole it from. That guy is a fucking mess. God.

He can't speak. He has literally no facts. None. And all he talks about is the most superficial thing that you could talk about in a candidate. Who is listening to him? That's the distressing thing. I want that job. We do have that distressing thing. I want that job. We do have that job.

I want that job where I make whatever he makes. I don't know if that's possible. Capping the brainstem is the so-called R-complex. R for reptile. It's the seat of aggression, ritual, territoriality, and social hierarchies.

So we read chapter eight this time. Oh, yeah, we did. We read the whole thing. It was great. It was super unpleasant. I have a quiz for you. We do not have a clip this time. Okay.

So I just have my quiz, and then I also have your quiz. Yep. And then I will have my summary, and then we will finish. Just some haikus? I didn't get any haikus done. This was a tough one. This was a tough't get any iqs done this was a tough one this is a tough one to get iqs this is a lot of name dropping 13 last week so the refractory period is still it's still wow it's a week long yeah my condolences to your wife 13 times

in a day yeah my condolences to your wife all right how many i just i don't know how many times you could disappoint somebody in one day. You know? It's more than 13. It's more than 13 as it turns out. Sorry. Sorry. I've counted.

It's a lot more. You just buy apology cards. How many seconds are in a day? It's that many. Okay. So here's my quiz. Okay. The unknown knights that showed up and helped the Scottish ranks were...

A. Yes. Evil knights of legend that hid under beds of little noble children, also known as the boogie knights. B. Archaeological excavations have shown that they are white knights because we found metal fedoras. Ah, nice! C. Knights Templar because they were unknown but immediately recognizable or d first year creative writing students the dark and stormy nights no i like this i like this

i'm gonna have to go with c it's c it is c all right tom yes sir true or false all right david ike can tie his willy to the lamppost across the street false i would have also accepted true i got one all right tom yes sir ramsay's piso bush is a latin for fucker right in the pussy jesus b the words you chant to close the necronomicon c a hush hush lizard bloodline that is named after only three of the innumerable fucking important current and historical leaders of the world or c the half twin symbiote they removed from Jeb's back? Oh, man. It is a tough one between C and D, but I'm going to go again with C. Okay, C. All right, fair. Tom?

Yes, sir. The Royal Society is A, a group of people who decide how to say quarter pounder with cheese in other countries. Nicely done. B, a country club that isn't looking for new members at the moment but leave your business card and they'll get back to you. C, has a clubhouse with lots of purple velvet and complimentary crowns. Or D, is a group of Freemasonic bloodline scientists that hid the fact that we go on after death by just stating that we have no evidence, which is different from the other bloodline group that wrote the Bible and totally say we go on after death, but both are working for the same goal, which is controlling us from the fourth

dimension and triggering us before we die that we don't control our own destiny, which we believe after we die and turn into unbound energy. That one. My final question is, what are we supposed to believe?

A, that George Bush is controlling the world, not by luck or inheritance, but by careful and intelligent planning that spans decades. B, that Martians and reptiles evolved and traveled here from other dimensions and worlds and seamlessly integrated their DNA but forgot all their technology until recently. C, that the Queen of England matters. D, a young girl from a poor background knocked on a door of the aristocracy and they allowed her to lead a war against the English. Or E, all the above but the last one sarcastically. There's some overlap in our quiz, buddy. Are thereically there's some overlap in our quiz are there yeah there's some overlap in our quiz i'm sorry all right that was great cecil windsor castle was built on what a rock and roll b an ancient babylonian brotherhood catacomb connecting the secret chambers of Robert the Bruce with the reptilian leadership star chamber, which gather around King Arthur's table along with the Knights Templar to decide on the next steps in the secret agenda to very, very slowly take over the world in absolute secrecy and without any apparent effect. C.

I always think it's the long one. The crazy idea that all men are created equal. Uh-huh. D. An ancient and very powerful sacred energy vortex around which Satanist and reptilian Henry Kissinger was knighted. It's D. It is D. It's D. I made up B.

B is good, though. It's pretty close. But B is close. It is close. Cecil, how do we know that Joan of Arc didn't really lead troops against the English? A. Because he could. Because you got to hear him.

I got to choose from the choices. Okay, let me choose. I was going to say this is a fill in the blank because I know the answer to this. It is not. You have to hear my choices. I spent all this time crafting my choices. No, yeah, I'll give you that. A, because David Icke's balls cannot be used as paperweights.

Okay, that's close. B, because David Icke cannot spray cum and reliably hit a bullseye on a target placed 10 feet from his cock. Who can? Jeez. C, because David Icke cannot tie his willy to the lamppost across the street. C. Or D, because David Icke's butthole sometimes requires a counterclockwise motion to properly scratch. Well, it's C. It is C.

It is C. Again, overlapped. Although it's probably all of the above. Cecil, John D. was the Queen's astrologer. John D.'s nuts? What is his connection to the martini? Oh, God. His shaken nuts turd? The martini was invented by John D.'s lover, portrait artist, and

personal assistant,an de martin the 16th century reptile mixologist as a secret drink passed around by an issue to the reptile bloodline. I wish that was true. That one sounds so much more interesting than anything we read. The classic martini glass invented by John D has a wide top so that reptile men can lap up the sweet juices

with their weird forked tongues. Again, better than what you're going to get to. See, John D., who would later earn the R in his last name once he became a full reptilian bloodline Satanist, not only invented the tractor, but did so while drunk on gin, vermouth, and the blood of the innocent, earning his product the name John Deere. Okay, that's a good one, too, but again, more interesting than the original. John Deere. Okay, that's a good one too,

but again, more interesting than the original. D. D. signed his reports to the Queen 007, the same as James Bond, who came from books written by Ian Fleming, who was friends with the black magician Aleister Crowley, and who, though not real nor yet invented, liked his martinis shaken and not stirred.

You're going to love my fucking review of this thing. That's great. That's really really good that's the last one and finally finally how do we know that shakespeare wasn't real and that was probably sometimes really occasionally francis bacon a because shakespeare was a bard and a bard is also defined as a slice of bacon B. So what? That's it. Because I know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy who knows Kevin Bacon. C. Because Shakespeare's plays are full of delicious ironies, almost as delicious as Bacon.

Or D. Because Shakespeare's plays, while good, are, like all things, improved with bacon. There's no all of the above, so I'm going to have to go with the first one. It is. Hilariously, his argument is that Shakespeare was a bard and bard has an alternate definition, which means slice of bacon. That's his argument a written down and everything argument we don't have the reason why we don't have a fucking uh a clip this week is because it's also boring oh it's terrible it's also boring there's nothing in it especially because they're talking about like the queen of england who gives a fuck oh my

god there's a couple of pieces that are good especially the end he's talking about how the like fucking life will go on and fucking like that song from like that titan playing in the background but like um energy can't be created or destroyed you hear that all the time i hate that fucking shit that old canard yeah so um so basically he's saying you know we go on forever etc so there's there's a there's a bit of that in this. So I'm going to read you my, my, uh, your synopsis. Here we go. The Knights Templar hung out in Scotland for a while with the Scots guard and helped reestablish

reptile control of France and worked with the outrageous overachiever, Rene de Anjou, AKA Duke of Lorraine, Count of Provence, Count of Guise, Duke of Anjou, King of Hungary, King of Naples and Sicily, King of Aragon, Valencia, Magia Rurica, and Sardinia, and the CEO of D'Anjou Enterprises. It's amazing. It's amazing. British intelligence. I added that one british intelligence was formed by reptiles in the babylonian brotherhood because they created the cia during the freemasonry presidency of harry truman who received advice from the oss officer bill donovan who filled that office with the knights templar according

to naval intelligence officer bill cooper science and religion are both bad because they deny that we have power as humans to control our own destiny. And once we realize this and grasp the limitless power, the reptiles can no longer control us. But it is basically a herpetophobic version of the secret. Herpetophobic. I like that. I like that.

Herpetophobic. Yeah. So it's basically the secret though. Isn't that the secret where it's just like you have the power within you to break the chains, but it's in you and you've got to believe. And you've got to push that shit out of them. You've got to believe that you control your own destiny or whatever. And then the reptiles are powerless? Why wouldn't it work for the reptiles too?

Yeah. too yeah so we are 61 away from our goal of hiring someone to become a part-time assistant to the show uh if you were considering becoming a patron if you're kind of on the fence about it uh we do have a uh a new alex jones show that we released only to patrons as well as two other shows that we released in the past and in fact those other two shows people love those shows as well they they they love the alex jones show but then they also love the other two shows and we are considering because we're getting close now to this next goal we're starting to think about the next one after that and uh and right now it's talking about sort of us traveling and going to cons and meeting people and doing meetups all over the country we choose to do several of them a year.

While that's great, one of the things that we're also considering doing, we're going to maybe add it to this particular level, that level of the next level up. We're actually considering doing one every other month, like an extra patron-only episode, one every other month, that is less format than we normally do, less of the rigor of finding a bunch of stories and all that, and instead going into the past a lot of times and finding stories from a single person.

So we pick a Yahoo and we go there. Now that may change in the future because eventually you run out of Yahoos, but some of these Yahoos you can revisit. We had enough with the Alex Jones Show to do two Alex Jones Shows. Easily. Two Alex Jones Shows, no problem.

So you get the show early and then you get extra content. We do post extra content for our patrons very often. This episode's going to release on Monday. So when people hear this, we will have already come and gone.

So this is really just for our patrons. Our patrons, if you're interested, we are going to be in Kentucky this weekend. So we are traveling to Kentucky to visit the Ark Encounter. Real quick. You realize you have to drive through Indiana to get there. Well, you have to be in Kentucky this weekend. So we are traveling to Kentucky to visit the Ark Encounter.

Real quick. You realize you have to drive through Indiana. Well, you have to be in Kentucky. I mean, at this point, not Indiana. Yeah. At this point, you might as well just tattoo my face. So we're going to be we're going to be going to Kentucky to visit the Ark Encounter. We are not looking to get a lot of attention there.

So we're not interested in going as a group no people we're not interested in going so we're not going to tell you what day we're going to be there but we will however post to patreon when where and when we will be at night so if you're interested in hanging out in uh in uh louisville in louisville because that's where we're going to be we we will post on patreon where we're going to be hours before we get there. So you'll have plenty of time and you're going to know because I'm going to release this episode before we travel down there this weekend. You'll already know that we'll be in Louisville.

So if you're going to be in the Louisville area, if you're in Kentucky, if you're like, let's say you're an Indy or something like that, you want to come down something like there's plenty of time to travel down there, hang out with us. We're going to be at a bar. We'll buy some drinks. We'll hang out. It'll be a good time.

So we want to thank our newest patrons. We'd like to thank Janet, Jason, Lane, Willy Dilly Wonka Donk. That's all. What is that? What is that? What is that? I like that.

Cody, beg for my dollar. Caleb, Big Cheese Pizza. like that cody beg for my dollar caleb big cheese pizza matt and trevin eric big hand small pp user 95815 sometimes an obelisk is just an obelisk donovan charles Charles Brandon, first Duke of Suffolk. I like that. First Viscount of Lizzle. What is that? What does that even mean? David, I don't know. He's just got a really fucking awesome name.

I guess when you're on Patreon, you could just call yourself whatever you want. Whatever you want. I don't think he's the real Duke of Suffolk. I don't think he's actually got that. I don't think he's the real dude. I don't think he's actually got that. David Craig, Polar Atheist, Benjamin, Ashling, I Spy, Eggnog Virgin, Katie, Jason, Fidu, The Wholes, Wetzels, Nelson, Wankle Rotary Engine. What?

Come on. Now that one's random. Is that a hyphenated name? No, that one's pretty random adam made that bitch eat the apple paul shane our new assistant i like that our new assistant has to use some of their money to be a fucking patron for our show mega to pipe mega dip bites mega dip bites 412 that's not even what is that that's just a username richard jason dave the shade 17 mario zach jeff one of my favorites this is a character you will not recognize grand admiral thrawn who was an excellent character in one of the star wars novels the witch king of his novels. The Witch King of Angomar, Lord of Nazgul. Okay, there you go.

Chris, Faethiast, Raymond, Lewis, Daniel, Brad, Trinity, future President Donald Trump, and Robert. Thank you also very much for your generous donations.

We really do appreciate it. We do. Remember, we didn't get any PayPal donations this week, but you can donate via PayPal. Just go to our website, dissonancepod.com. Click on Donate, and it's another way to contribute to the show. We got an image this episode. It's so good. It's an image of Ike, and

it's, again, another play off the I Like Ike. So take a look at it. Randy sent it in. It's very funny. Nicely done, Randy. Well done. We got a message from someone who said, please withhold my name if you choose to read this on the podcast. And after reading this, I can see

why. This person says basically what they're trying to make a false equivalency between the people, two groups of BLM here. We got the Bureau of land management on one side and the black lives matter on the other. Nice. And, uh, and essentially what they're doing is they're trying to make a false equivalency saying that, um, I called one group of terrorists and I didn't call the other group of terrorists.

Um, when a guy shoots five people and injures that many other people with a rifle, he's a terrorist. I don't care what, I don't care what – if you think his goal was noble. I don't think his goal was noble at all. I think his goal was awful. But we can fucking disagree on that. I think that that's a silly thing to think, but whatever. But I also think that the other guys, the guys up there, we were talking about it earlier. They're terrorists too.

They were withholding things on government land and whatever. Yeah, look, they seized control of a government building for a political agenda through violence or intimidation. That's terrorism. That's terrorism. That's terrorism. So they were terrorists too. But here's why I didn't care as much. Nobody died. Yeah.

Well, one guy got shot, but he was an idiot. The fucking dumbass. The dumbass who went for his gun when he was surrounded by a bunch of people all mass who went for his gun surrounded by a bunch of people and he kept going for his gun right like it's not i mean you just you can't compare us it's not an apples to apples it's not at all it's not even close not even close a sniper in a fucking parking garage picking people off from an elevated position sewing you know uh chaos and murder is not the same thing as a group of fucking dipshits taking over the fucking wildlife refuge in the middle of nowhere in oregon if you compare those two and you're like i see them as perfectly

analogous yeah you're functionally retarded and and the other thing too that that when we talked about that the reason why we're talking about it is is in respect to that atlantic article article that we read when we talked about it we were talking about very specific specifically about one little piece of that that thing we're not talking about the whole thing we weren't talking about you know whether or not these guys were were right and what they were doing or wrong and what they were doing the thing is is that it got tried a couple times or something like that and then it also had a specific that was somebody else did the crime and this guy got all the time for it right uh and so it was the way it was written by the atlantic and admittedly it was a

it was a slanted piece from the atlantic because when when i looked at wikipedia there was some there was some discrepancies the thing is is like there are some questions with the way that that was handled by the by the government by the government out there that's absolutely some questions and i am sympathetic i want to talk a little bit about black lives matter we got a we got a message this week i don't know that i want to play it it was a long message uh from somebody sent us a voice message and they were talking about black lives matter and all i matter all lives matter and they we were wondering what we thought about that particular thing right that black lives matter all lives matter stuff and and the black lives matter all lives matter stuff we we we recorded a segment with sarah

palin a while back but we never we never it never made it to air because it wound up it wasn't funny or interesting. And whenever we do that sort of thing, that shit just goes from the show. We just don't keep it. So if it's not funny or interesting, it just gets deleted. And that's what happened with that Sarah Palin. It was a fucking 15 or 16 minutes long and none of it was funny and none of it

was interesting and we just wound up deleting it. In that thing, Sarah Palin is blasting Black Lives Matter. She's attacking Black Lives Matter, saying it's ridiculous and that, you know, of course you wouldn't want to say this. You would want to say all lives matter, all lives matter. People don't get it. They don't understand. They really don't.

They don't understand the concept. If I were to say to you, fuck cancer, and you were to say to me, but my dad died of Alzheimer's. Fuck Alzheimer's. You'd be like, well, fuck Alzheimer's too. But I'm talking about cancer. Right. Fuck cancer. You know, we don't do that with anything else we don't we don't talk about the specificity of somebody else's uh else's rant or whatever any other time and when it happens and i think one of the reasons why this happens and again this is just spitballing but i think one of the reasons

why this happens is i think social media turns us into rabid narcissists. So when we see something like this, we immediately want to comment on it, how we feel about it, how does it impact us. We want to put our opinion out there based on how this affects us. Black Lives Matter doesn't affect me. It doesn't affect me directly at all. I can be outraged about it, but Matter doesn't affect me. It doesn't affect me directly at all. I can be outraged about it, but it does not affect me. So my opinion about it is always going to be an outsider's opinion

about it. But for some reason, when people see Black Lives Matter and it comes to their feed, they're like, what about All Lives Matter? All lives matter. The other hashtag was Blue Lives Matter. Well, people are saying Blue Lives Matter, are you saying all lives don't matter when you say blue lives matter? Because clearly you're not saying – if you're saying blue lives matter, you're saying, oh, only police lives matter?

No. You fucking get it. You understand it. You're able to pick something out of the crowd and say those lives matter. Well, then fucking why the fuck can't you just leave black lives matter and say, well that makes sense yeah well there's a false assumption of mutual exclusivity right that's saying but by saying like because because i care about one thing i don't care about the other things it's like somebody who's never fucking seen a venn diagram before exactly and it's just like unable to understand the concept of overlap sure not everything is mutually exclusive. Not everything is a rejection because it's not an

embrace. And Black Lives Matter, in my opinion, when we read it last week, when we read what they stand for, is an organization that is inclusive, that is looking to help change the world positively. That's what they're looking to do. Now, are there people who walk under this banner and do horrible shit and say horrible shit? Yes. Yes, there are. Yes, there are people who say we should kill all cops and they chant

that shit and whatever out in the middle of nowhere. In the middle of these things. There are people who open fire against police officers whether or not they're specifically related to it. But fucking – I remember seeing on Channel 9 a guy saying, I'm not going to separate myself from Micah Johnson. I'm not – that's fucking crazy talk. You have to separate yourself from the violent – a violent terrorist.

You have to separate yourself from that. And that violent terrorist, if you read the Black Lives Matter website matter website that has no place the fucking violence has no place so you know i see that i understand people being angry i get that and this is again something else that wound up getting cut from the show is our expression of understanding the anger because the police you know where do you report a crime of police on you where do you report that you report it to the police man when a fucking when there's police misconduct i don't fucking go to some random person you don't go to the double plus police yeah i don't go to some other place i go to the police and i say hey somebody harassed me oh okay we'll fill out this form oh you didn't film it

fill out right there right in the garbage i mean there's there's plenty of ways in which police officers keep other people out and protect their own, and that happens all the time. And that's super frustrating, and I fucking get it. And I understand the frustration that people feel when they're essentially, every day, have to be harassed and go through this. I get it.

I understand it. And I'm not saying that people shouldn't be angry. I think you can be angry, but you can also not be violent. I think that those two things are not necessarily something that has to go together. All right. So Zach sent a picture in, we're going to put it in there. It had just so you know, it has to do with circumcision. Jesus Christ. You know, this is, this is one of those situations where it's all about the caption, right? It really is. I mean, the picture is actually quite horrifying. The picture is terrifying. Elvis sent in a little jingle.

This is Rufy the Rapist Reindeer. Why is this now a song? Rufy the Rapist Reindeer Dated all the drunken does After the sex assault It's time for making embryos. Then they swapped for evidence, found some DNA. Under ultraviolet light, Ruth begot paternity rights.

Then all the reindeer looked to biblical authority. That's how they both got married, to deuteronomy oh my god oh that's excellent elvis as usual thank you very much it's a nightmare that's what that is is a bunch of people sending these messages um from this specific thing called uh steven universe keep beach city weird so a bunch of people send in messages based on this this one is from polar atheist i'm gonna play one of his clips he sent in several you snake people hiding like cowards in your false humanoid exterior that's actually a really good intro it is that's a really good great here's another this one's from uh this one's from preston and preston sent in

uh another of these uh of these from the Steven universe. Don't get so hung up on these minor facts. Truth is about more than that. Truth is a feeling in your gut that you know is true. Truth is searching for anything that proves you're right no matter how small and holding on to that no matter what. That's great. That is amazing. Holding on to that no matter what. That's great. That is amazing. Holding on to it no matter what.

We got a message. This person didn't sign it, so I don't want to use their name if they don't want it. They said that they're a single-issue voter. They vote for pro-choice candidates in nearly every election. If a candidate is anti-abortion, I will not vote for them for the most part. But this person is from Mississippi. Well, come on. There's your first point.

I have a feeling that there's probably not many candidates you can vote for. We got a message from someone who's wondering about Stitcher. And I did not check this out. But if you guys are having problems with Stitcher, let us know. This person is saying that the podcast will just – audio will just jump backwards and wind up – the timer clock is still moving, but then it goes back in time, and it goes a couple times in the recent Stitcher uploads. So if they're having problems with Stitcher and you want to let us know, send us a message to dissonance.podcast.gmail.com. If I get more than one of these people who are saying that stitcher is a problem uh or they're having

an issue with stitcher uh i will contact stitcher one thing i would suggest brian is make sure that you have the very latest version of stitcher on your phone on your smartphone yeah that almost always change that that will change a lot of problems because they do update the os and things and they update the apps and so there might be some issues there we got an interesting video and i put it on this week's show notes um just check the video out it's about buying a gun um it's clearly an agenda driven video but it's one of those videos that you watch and you're like if true that's really fucking crazy so uh check it out um this was sent in to us by andre oh this one's crazy uh we have a Republican Christian who listens to this show.

No, a black Republican woman Christian that listens to this show. Okay. That's like a double, triple unicorn. The thing is that I don't see gender and I'm colored one time. Way to be a sexist racist. Good job. Way to go. God damn it.

No, that's fucking great, dude. There's a reason why people hate you. There's so many. Don't talk about it if it's singular. I don't want to go. God damn it. No, that's fucking great, dude. There's a reason why people hate you. There's so many. Don't talk about it if it's singular. I don't want to talk about it for a single reason. But I am glad that people want to expand their horizons and listen to the show and be... I am shocked and appalled. I'm shocked.

Recently, I saw someone that sent us a message on Twitter, and then I looked at their feed, and they had a lot of pro-Trump stuff up there. And I was shocked. I was shocked that they listened to the show. And they're pro-Trump? And they're pro-Trump. I was shocked. But again, I feel like I respect the people that go out of their comfort zone to listen to something that is completely different from what they normally – From their viewpoint.

It's their viewpoint. It's a way to consume media that is completely different from what they normally is our viewpoint. It's a, it's a way to consume media that I, that is actually admirable. Finally, we got an image. This is from Chris and this is, this is just awful. If you want to check it out,

go to our website, a dissonance pod.com and check out the image. Let's just say it's a, it's a joke on Islam. It's pretty bad. Yeah. So that's going to wrap it up for this week. We are going to be at the arc Encounter this weekend, and we will be at a bar in Louisville in the evening to drink and hang out and chill.

And so if you're a patron, hang out with us. If you're not a patron, we'll catch you some other time soon. Hopefully we're going to have another meetup here in Chicago in the winterfall. Fall? Winterfall. Winter fall winter fall sometime around then brace yourselves yeah so it should be winter is coming is that what you're saying winter is coming in chicago which starts in about a week i know right until may so fucking 100 degrees out we'll wake up tomorrow it'll be fucking 11 feet of snow it's ridiculous all right let's get a wrap it up for this week we're gonna leave you with the skeptics creed credulity is not a virtue it's ridiculous all right let's get a wrap it up for this week we're gonna leave you with the skeptics creed credulity is not a virtue it's fortune cookie cutter mommy issue hypno

babylon bullshit couched in scientician double bubble toil and trouble pseudo quasi alternative acupunctuating pressurized stereogramogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info, docutainment, Leo, Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, churches, mosques, and synagogues. Temples, dragons, giant worms. Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts. Shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides.

Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential. Conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. you