Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 313: Exposing Pseudoastronomy

Episode Date: September 5, 2016

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This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Hey, Tom and Cecil. This is Fel in Vancouver. My downstairs neighbor told me that I'll never understand why Hillary Clinton is protected by unknown forces from facing justice for all the murders she's committed. So long as I do not believe that I have a soul. He suggested that I read David Icke, to which I said, you mean reptiles, Mars, gold,

that David Icke? And he said, uh, yeah, you have to ignore the reptiles, but everything else makes sense. Dude, the human race is fucking doomed. And as Pastor Manning would say, there's a glory hole filled with semen, motherfuckers!

Hey, guys. At the end of your show, you play the skeptics' tree, and towards the end of the poem, Tom mentions something called exposure size. Is that like a new workout tape or DVD or something? Does it come with a glory hole, or do I have to buy my own? Just wondering. Thanks. Bye.

Glory hole, Tom and Suze. Well, this is Felicia from Salt Lake City. And you were wondering about Lot sleeping with his daughter. Actually, Lot was date-raped by his daughters after they locked themselves in a cave because of the destruction of the city of Sodom. And then the daughter said, let us get him drunk on wine so that we may not waste his seed. So it's not really that he did anything wrong, but you know, Christians, if you're right, you must have been asking for it.

But it's good. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording live from Gloriole Studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome at. This is episode 313 of Cognitive Dissonance. Just a quick reminder to everybody, just want to start off the show.

Anybody that's interested in applying for the admin position, I'm going to be beginning making those calls in the upcoming week. So when this show gets released on Monday, I'm going to be making phone calls Monday through Friday of next week. If you're interested, get your resume in as soon as possible. If your resume doesn't arrive and I'm making calls and I'm sorting through the list and we find the right candidate, I'm not going to call you. So do it now. Do it fast. Include an attachment with your resume and put resume in the subject line or I'm never going to find it.

Just letting you know. This episode also we have a guest. We have Dr stewart from the exposing pseudo astronomy podcast he was uh kind enough to join us for some ike he was great though he was so much fun so that'll be what a masochist oh yes that is he really did a great job on those quizzes i will say that he did a great job it's so intellectual cock and ball torture though i mean it just really is it's like it's a fucking high heel right on your testicles. And we could have unleashed him, I think, on a lot of this stuff,

and we just sort of stuck to the game plan. It was trying to hold back a sled dog, man. I mean, he was raring to go. Yeah, for sure. But we had to rein it in in the interest of time and sanity. It was great stuff. So it was a lot of fun. Now, the concern, obviously,

is if this isn't bottled up in San Francisco, this kind of nonsense, then it's going to be spreading across the entire fruited plain, and you're going to be going to your Burger King in Des Moines, Iowa, and you're going to have a rainbow colored wrapper for your Whopper. So the first story we want to cover comes from Right Wing Watch.

This is Kevin Swanson. Kevin Swanson, for those who don't recall, is the gentleman who wanted to cover himself in feces. Sack cloth and ashes. And weep and wail and beat at his chest because – The sacks on your sack cloth, I guess. I don't know. He's super fucking mad about gay people still. Let's see Cecil if he's calmed down.

So this is – it's amazing that God has not judged America for gay rights and illegal abortion. So here we go. Kevin Swanson. So we're amazed every day. We ought to be amazed, not just by the judgment of God, but the fact that God's judgment is not here,

that God's judgment has not come, that the rain continues to fall and the sun continues to shine. And we may see that today as well. We may see the rain fall, the sun shine today. No shit, dude. That's how planets work. Turns out, somewhere on the planet, that's going to happen.

The sun isn't going to stop shining. That's just not going to happen. I mean, what would have to happen for the sun to stop shining? Like, God just licks his fucking celestial fingers and just snuffs it out. Sizzles. You just see it. Sizzles. You know that nuclear reaction does make a nice sizzling sound.

I mean, really? 93 million miles away, there's an enormous ball of nuclear fusion. It's just God just going to be like, y'all, I was just kidding with that. Turn it off. Somebody hit the big celestial light switch. You just hear. It's just God's birthday just blows out the universe candles. The whole galaxy goes dark.

God, you're 100 billion years old. It's my infinity birthday again. He's all embarrassed about being so old he's like nah i'm not a day older than 30 plus infinity that's it that's it he's fucking white girl drunk you know in the fucking corner and if so we ought to be amazed we had to step back and say whoa what is god doing given the god's holiness god's justice given the god's judgment that he has brought upon the world and upon sodom and gomorrah and cain and other places throughout the history of the world places that weren't real but also places that are so long it's like but it's like nineveh it's like the idea of like okay yeah a fucking ancient ass city fucking god it's fucking

chicken fucked by some other culture and we're supposed to treat that as god's judgment to happen a fucking bergillion years ago well plus another culture had to do the work right god didn't come down it's still it's still fucking people that did it well different and different in sodom and gomorrah though because he turns everybody to salt or oh yeah when that didn't happen i remember when that was never actually a thing that ever never happened no that's this shit is fucking nazi but this guy with his fucking 12 inch too long tie fucking look at that thing he can't figure it out it's it's not he's got such a scrawny neck his neck is so scrawny he's like got it wrapped around his neck four or five times it's because he's worried he's gonna have like fucking pea spots on his drawers he covers it with his god holds back it's amazing that god has not judged america's

in 1973 i hard to believe that god didn't judge america in 2001 huh maybe he's not real here jeez god it's almost like you're you're not existent that's amazing it's exactly what you would expect if it didn't happen yeah if it wasn't real wasn't it true but even like even by that like i mean shouldn't i i mean remember when you were a kid when you were a kid you got in trouble would your dad ever say something like this hurts me more than it hurts you or like you know i'm punishing you because i love you or any of those fucking ye olde tropes it's like god is up there he's like but i don't really give a shit it's like y'all y'all

notice i didn't intervene when fucking hitler killed six million jews i literally don't care about anything what could we do like at this point in fucking 2016 it's fucking gay people are in love with each other and god's just like wow that's the last straw. Like, really? He's totally fine with all the other stuff that's happening. Right. Right. The wars. Yeah, Pol Pot's just like, hope y'all enjoy no food ever. And God's just like, well, I don't know, maybe give him some diseases too.

Really? You just have fucking Stalin starving out, what, 20 million people. Mao, the same thing, kills millions and millions of people. And God's just up there. He's just like, well, I've got a little whittling to do. I'm busy. I've got to put up my gun rack. I've got to whittle out this little stick that I was whittling on.

I don't even know what I'm going to make it into. I'm going to make it a pointier stick. I'm going to make it into a toothpick maybe. I'm not sure, but I i got a whittling to do my coon dog ain't gonna long to train himself like i'm fucking the day after christmas a tsunami wiped out a quarter million people like in the day after christmas one swoop right and god's just like god's like ho ho ho motherfucker y'all ain't going to return my gift.

With the Lawrence v. Texas decision, it's hard to believe that God didn't judge America with Obergefell, the Supreme Court justices that took the position that the institution of marriage that God incorporated from the beginning of the world is no longer in America, that they have actually taken the place of God, and they have shaken their fist in the side of God, and they have stood up against God, and that... Well, that they have actually taken the place of God and they have shaken their fist in the sight of God and they have stood up against God and that. Well, they won. According to your worldview, they won. Well, I didn't have a good lawyer. I'll tell you what, I was fucked by my lawyer. Next time I'll get a better lawyer.

I'll get a bigot lawyer. Mr. Jesus goes to Washington. We're going to run up on your ass. Fucking nine incredibly old people it would be awesome if they turned into like voltron right they just fucking form of judgetron or something judgetron they haven't summoned a huge gavel but they gotta fight a long time first. And then they're kind of losing. And then they summon the gavel at the very end for no reason.

One of them pulls it out of their sleeve. It's Ginsburg. It's got to be Ginsburg. She's got that power arm. She's so little. She's so old. She is. That woman's one big liver spot.

She's so fucking old. Her bones are made out of broken at this point. Unbelievable rebellion. Most powerful people in the world have gathered together against the Lord and his anointed in one of the most amazing shows of arrogance and power that we have ever seen in the history of the world. This happened just last year. It is amazing that God has not brought judgment upon this world shortly after that happened in july of 2015 and then why didn't do anything about it's fucking

he's just like oh fucking it's arrogance and power it's the worst one we've ever seen but god is just he's just silent guys but that doesn't mean he doesn't exist no no that's not that just means he's being real quiet i just want to see what y'all are going to do next. Yeah, really. I don't know. What are you going to do? Like fucking graft an abortion onto another abortion? What are you going to do to piss him off?

Are you going to start marrying abortions? Is that what's going to happen? What has to happen to wake that fucker up? Jesus. What you're going to have to do is impregnate the fetus. And then abort the bull. And then abort the bull And then abort the bull That's it, you gotta go for a twofer It's like a double yolk egg

It's like a turducken It's all stitched together The worst part is when you fucking You replace it and fucking Madden cuts into it on Thanksgiving. Boom, boom. Here we got the wing here. You want a piece of the wing? Madden as a fucking abortion provider would be amazing.

See, all we're going to do is reach in there. We're going to go up here. We're going to go around here. And you see this X? We're going to go right around that. Boom. We're going to take it right out. We're going to turn on this vacuum of blades attached. Boom, boom, boom!

Get it right out of there. Or in August of 2015, or even in September of 2015, or maybe even October. Are you going to just keep naming the fucking... Are you just going to name the months? You could have just said in 2015. 2015 was not God's year. Are you still going to keep going? December. God had continued

to give rain and sun upon the just and the unjust so be assured my friends judgment is coming why would i be assured of that you just told me judgment was supposed to be here and didn't come here why would i why would i be assured of this it's like fucking it's like when the guy the uber driver cancels you it's like fucking you're not coming you're not gonna be here no matter what happens. You're not going to be here. I got to go to Lyft or whatever the fuck.

I have no idea when it will come. Will it be 120 years from 1900? What? 120 years from 1900, so 2020? Why would you just say, first of all, 2020? Why are you making me do math i gotta do the math i gotta do the math what the fuck happened in 1900 and why is 120 involved why are any of these numbers part of the program at all it would be 120 years from 1890 if it was 120 years from

1890 wouldn't that have already happened? It would have been 2010. What the fuck? No. Well, I'll just answer that question. It's no. Because the sun didn't get fucking extinguished by the almighty, gently wetted fingers of Jesus Christ or whatever. Well, it would be 120 years from 1973.

Roe v. Wade, the decision to eliminate hundreds of millions of babies. Maybe 120 years is like how long it'd take God to get off the shitter. He's clearly on the shitter. The doorbells rang. Now he has to go get it. He's on Tinder, you know, just swiping. He's just sitting in there swiping. Oh, I like this one. She's a virgin.

I like this one. She's nice. Mary, she's got a traditional name. I'm going to give She's a virgin. I like this one. She's nice. Mary. She's got a traditional name. I'm going to give that Joseph a surprise. She's going to have some splaining to do. Surprise, surprise, surprise. America and, of course, all around the world, same thing has happened since the 1960s.

Will it be 120 years from 2015? I don't care. I don't care. Nobody I know and love will be 2015? I don't care. I don't care. Nobody I know and love will be alive. I don't care at all. I love that he's just naming times. Will it be at some point? Will it be in 4 billion years in the heat death of the universe? I don't know. What

fucking possible? I don't care at all. I don't assume that the world will just continue fucking forever. Also, 4 billion years is not going to be the heat death of the universe, Tom. I'm just saying. When is it? Well, when is it, you pedantic dick? I know that our planet will probably be gone then.

Oh, well. Won't be the heat death of the universe. I'm just cutting off the pedants at the past here, friend. You're right. I know. We'll get so much email. Tom doesn't know anything about cosmology. No, I don't. I don't know anything about cosmology. No, I don't.

I don't know anything about cosmology, guys. The day in which the most powerful court in the world ruled against God's institution of marriage and one of the most radical, arrogant insults against almighty God. But also total win for people who love each other. Right. total win for people who love each other right he's like fucking totally thumbing your nose at some bronze age fuckwit god that people still somehow believe in but awesome fucking win for people who want to see their loved one dying right when will god's judgment come i have no idea what is the point of this sermon then what did you bring to the table swanson that's demonic everybody it is absolutely demonic well let's hear him bring more nothing to the table now he's gonna fucking

yammer about lady gaga steven spielberg and mark let's see if you can tie a tie so let's remember that we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age. That means that we're not effectively, we're not fundamentally up against Steven Spielberg, Lady Gaga, or Charles Darwin. Wait, I didn't think we were.

And also, aren't those three really, really strange, disparate things? When I was in in college we used to have this game where we would like play with each other to ask what three things could you pick up in a supermarket that would make the clerk look at you like what the fuck is gonna happen so like you grab like frozen berries fucking a shoe horn and lube and that's what he those three things couldn't be more crazy yeah and disparate i heard him say that i was just like he's like we're not up against lady gaga charles darwin and steven's right like did did anybody think that we were yeah well i didn't get the memo that we were pull those names out of a hat of various names and just random people too

i don't understand i would spend some time against lady gaga i'm just saying i would spend a little Did he pull those names out of a hat of various names? And just random people, too. I don't understand. I would spend some time against Lady Gaga. I'm just saying I would spend a little time up against her, no problem. Steven Spielberg, if I'm drinking. Charles. That's a dude, right? Yeah.

Lady Gaga's a dude. No, Lady Gaga's not. We're up against their ideas. The ideas. Now, Charles Darwin, Lady Gaga, and Stevenielberg are under the control of the evil one first john 519 says the whole world is under the sway of the evil one under the sway of the devil the devil has absolute control over them the devil's under like we're all under so then he's under the influence of the devil i guess and so maybe i should be distrustful of kevin swanson i what i don't get is like does the devil just pick out a few random people like charles darwin lady god steven spielberg why why what's like jurassic park makes people

devily i don't even understand like i don't understand lady gaga either actually like what i'm gonna listen to fucking paparazzi and then i'm just gonna be like oh i like that song oh the devil's got my brain like what's happening well i will i don't the darwin sure the darwin part like i get the darwin i get the darwin and i guess the lady gaga i could i can maybe see like i mean she flashes her sexuality or something and she's got a fucking you can see her bare leg once in a while or whatever. We all know fucking human bodies. God didn't intend to create human bodies, so he immediately was like, fuck, cover him up with

sackcloth or something. You got any ashes? Whatever. That whole God hates sexuality thing is fucking madness. Steven Spielberg's just sort of like, what did I do, man? I just kind of direct some movies, bro. And like family-friendly movies, by and large.

Now, again, these are the presuppositions that are not taken on by those who want to dally with the world's ideas. They don't see that Aristotle is under the sway of the evil one, under the absolute control. Well, what did Aristotle have to – everybody? Are we really going to fucking Aristotle? First off, the fucking people in your audience have never read Aristotle. There's no fucking danger of those people ever reading Aristotle. You are not in the audience of Kevin arm-flailing, wacky-waving, inflatable arm-flailing Swanson there. You are not in that audience thinking, no, wait a minute.

What I was reading no that's never once happened yeah never one time ever and it never ever will happen i'm just blown away and i think is he trying to discredit aristotle in the sense that he's saying aristotle is sort of the opposite of what christianity would be is that that is that the argument he's trying to make there my guess is is he's pointing to Aristotle as kind of the father of modern philosophy and saying that philosophy and the

idea that we can understand the world outside of the guise of Christianity is inherently evil, right? That's what I'm guessing. Oh, this very powerful malignant force called the devil and they don't see that Steven Spielberg and Lady Gaga and Charles Darwin are under the absolute sway, the control, the force,

and the power of the devil himself. And so therefore, they absorb any of the ideas that may come their way through these means. ideas that may come their way through these means. So we're given the heads up here that the devil has the world under his sway. The devil's given power to deceive the nations. And I think we warn ourselves of that. This is fundamental to the generation's ministry that we present an education, we present a view of culture such that you understand there's an enemy out there and we need to draw the line of antithesis in front of us what what we got to draw the line in antithesis in front of us i said of antithesis okay maybe he did i don't feel like

changing that preposition helped at all i don't i don't know i don't know like changing that preposition helped at all. I don't know how that... That didn't unlock the meaning. Well, there you go. Fuck it. Converted. Converted. I just had my fucking Saul to Paul moment. So that when we read these great novels written by men who were virtually possessed by the devil,

some perhaps possessed by Satan himself, it appears that Mark Twain at points might have been possessed by the devil some perhaps possessed by satan himself it appears that mark twain at points might have been possessed by satan himself in writing those letters to the archangels or maybe he just used it as a literary device huh well which would be more likely so either an ancient fucking evil spirit that has been around since God created him. Right. Eons ago. And has crazy amounts of power.

Crazy amounts of power. They have essentially controls the whole world decided to choose one person to write in. Yep. To use them as a, as a way to write books, to write books. That's Satan's great power,

right? Is like so far it's to release some fucking pop albums. Yeah. To write popular literature and to make jurassic park to make like that's it this is this is what he's done no expense really this is what he's done with his unlimited evil powers he's the worst super villain in all of history he'd be the worst at rubbing the lamp and right he'd be like he'd wish he'd be like, he'd wish he'd be like, uh, I would like a lottery ticket. And then he gets a lottery ticket.

He gets a shitty scratch on it. I would like two lottery tickets. He's so bad at it. Or Nathaniel Hawthorne must have been affected by some demon, at least according to his friends, according to his wife. Why? Because he wrote Scarlet Letter? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Because he wrote Scarlet Letter? Yeah, no, yeah, it's Scarlet, Tom. That's evil.

Oh, yeah. Scarlet is red, and red is the devil, so. I'm going to come over there and smack the shit out of you. If you want to see the entire expose on these great authors that are lauded by most of our Christian liberal arts colleges, high schools and so forth and home schools. Those aren't schools. Those are homes. Homes with a class. It's not a school.

You know, that's not a school. If you want to read the story, read it in Book Apostate, The Men Who Destroyed the Christian West. These are the stories pulled out of their biographies, and they are authorized biographies. They are the very best biographies you can find. If you want to know their spiritual background, you're going to find that there was a lot of demonic involvement. This is Christian David Icke. It is, isn't it? Right? I couldn't even say words at you. This is Christian David Icke. It is, isn't it? Right? I couldn't even say words at you.

I was just like, blah, blah, blah. This is Christian David Icke. It is. He's connecting all these random things throughout history. Right. And he's just saying, see God at the end of it. And instead of Icke just saying, see lizards, this is see God. And it just lists.

The lists don't connect to anything. No. He's like, oh nathaniel hawthorne was fucking possessed okay yeah right i'll just say it we just well okay kevin swanson was possessed all right all right in the lives of mark twain carl marx frederick nichey nichey nichey nichey niches niches isn't that like isn't that like that little medallion where one side goes to the guy and one guy goes to the girl? Goes to the girl. Nietzsche, is that it? That's exactly. That's a mizpah, sorry.

It's actually the plural version. It's when you have more than one Nietzsche. It's just, how many Nietzsche do we have? We've got two, actually. So then it's the Nietzsche's. It's the Nietzsche's. Nietzsche. Invite the Nietzsche's over for dinner.

Nietzsche's. Nathaniel Hawthorne and others, you've got to read the stories, man. Yeah, I did read the stories because I fucking have a liberal arts education. I've read lots of Mark Twain. I've read lots of Nathaniel Hawthorne. They seem perfectly fucking lucid when they're writing their fiction on. If you have at all dabbled in these things, if you've used this in your high school preparation, if it's been something of your

college preparation in the area of liberal arts, then just don't go. Just stay at your little home school. They're not. Any of you guys recognize them from your home universities? Then you need to understand what you're up against, my friends. You need to know that there's a devil out there, and you wrestle not against flesh and blood.

You're not wrestling against Lady Gaga. I kind of want to wrestle against Lady Gaga. Is there any way that we could do this? Is it still like an option for me? No. I still wrestle her ideas, but like, you know, after. Do they make like a real doll version of her?

Because I think I can win. Nathaniel Hawthorne's of the world. You're wrestling against the devil himself. And he slicks himself up. That's how he wins. He always takes that goose grease and he rubs it all over himself. And I can never get a hold of him. He's always squirting right out of my arms.

I try to grab that devil. I'm like, oh, come over here, devil. And I try to get him a big old bear hug. And he shoots right out of my arms. I try to grab that devil. I'm like, oh, come over here, devil. And I try to get him a big old bear hug. He tries to grab me and he goes, boop, boop, boop. And he shoots right out of there. He's like a bar of soap in the bathtub. It's like trying to catch a soapy dog. No matter what you do, you can't do it.

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on the podcast homepage, and you can donate to the production of Cognitive Dissonance on a per episode basis. If you can't spare any money, take a second to give us a five-star review on iTunes or Stitcher, or spread the word about the show. We want to send a big heartfelt glory hole to all the patrons and people who rate us. You fucking rock. So we're going to cover some David Icke stuff this week, Tom, with our friend Stuart from the Exposing Pseudo-Astronomy Podcast. Dr. Stuart, welcome to the show.

Thank you for having me. Now, we inflicted this terrible, terrible thing on you. We asked if you could read it. Now, we had Thomas from Atheism speaking on a while back, and he said he was going to read it. He did say it. You know, to be fair, though, he didn't have time on the four-hour flight from California here. Now, did you read the section on the black sun for this week's episode, Stuart?

I not only read it, I took notes and I highlighted. Oh my God! No shit! Wow! Oh my God, I will admit, I passed my eyes over everywhere. You know, I just sort of rubbed my eye lookers you haven't been uh reading this entire thing you're sort of dropped sort of parachute style behind enemy lines here into this chapter initial thoughts on the chapter and the writing style so far yeah good or great really like you know, I read undergraduates writing.

I read research scientists writing. And I listen to imbeciles rant about idiotic stuff they make up on late night radio show. I thought you were going to talk about us. No, no. I would never insult the hosts, at least to their face. You'd be one of the first that didn't. Well, yeah. I try.

I try. This is my first time. I want to be invited back, so I have to be careful. Everyone remembers their first time, and it's almost always disappointing. No, it's supposed to be special. At least in some way. We lit candles just for you. Are you recording, by the way, from a planetarium?

That's very echoey. Sorry. Are you recording from a... He's in a cave somewhere in utah all right yeah i'm i'm in a room with a 30 foot high ceiling that might do it so yeah you're in a planetarium fair enough i fucking nailed it so we met you this was gosh what five years ago was that a skepticon no it was a tam it was a tam yeah oh yeah i remember you met at tam yeah uh now you've been doing your podcast for how long and if our audience hasn't heard it what is it about i started my podcast in 2011 and then for roughly the last

year i've sort of taken it off because i've been really really busy with work so i guess uh i mean you could say that i've been doing it for five years or so, but I think you have to subtract a year. And it's about, well, pseudo astronomy, or sort of anything that follows or falls under that astronomy, geology, physics thing. So, I mean, I've addressed, I mean, I was doing the podcast before the whole 2012 thing came up. So I addressed a lot of those idiotic claims like planet x coming to kill us all a pole shift gonna kill us all you know whatever i also uh sometimes do young earth creationist claims so like uh does the moon prove that earth was created 6 000 years

ago uh wait i also have done hold on no no no rewind rewind here hold on a second wait a minute wait wait that's a thing? The moon proves what now? Well, more like a billion years ago. The idea is that the moon is slowly moving away from Earth at about one inch per year. And if you run the math backwards, then the moon should have crashed into Earth something like a billion years ago or so. But a billion is less than 4.5 billion therefore 6 000 that's how the math works out i don't feel like that's how math works at all oh i see what they did though yeah because of it because it's it's saying that the that the moon doesn't fit that time scale of 4.5 billion

and was created when the earth was created therefore it's therefore our answer therefore our answer secular science our answer is correct. It's secular science is wrong, therefore creationism is right. Wow. So what do they think happens now though? I mean so – Well, then they just re-kajigger things. And they wave their hands and say, see, it's wrong.

Secular science is wrong, therefore creationism is right. Do they think it's moving away at all though? No, they accept that. I mean that would be really, really hard to not accept, although people do because I do a lot of episodes on the Apollo moon hoax denial. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, the hard part is with the moon moving away like that, you just kind of keep chasing that fucking thing. Well, going an inch a year is not that much to chase. I've been chasing an inch for a long time.

Don't tell me what's hard to chase. All right, so we're five minutes into this, and it took only five minutes for a dick joke. Hard to chase, actually. Five minutes for a dick joke? That's a new record. Are you kidding? High five, bro. Yes.

We're going mainstream. Oh, there's another sigh. Another sigh. Well, David Smalley, we had you read this uh this this this abysmal thing we normally trade uh quizzes uh did you get a chance to put together yourself a uh quiz this week i did i have about um i can't count very well about seven or so questions you know why don't we just you know you're our guest we're we're happy to have you stewart why don't you read your quiz to us all right uh i have a

mixture of short ones and long ones that's what she loves i'm on the short side just throwing less than half a minute all right so we need one of those signs like it's been zero seconds to the last dick joke. All right. So the first question is another name for Hitler may have been A, the world's first serial killer, Jack the Ripper. B, a particular genital piercing, the Prince Albert. I like that. That was good. Thank you. A member of the evil banking cartel, the Rothschild.

D, some name that I can't pronounce, Schicklgruber. Or E, all of the above. It's almost always E. I love these quizzes because it's almost always E, but in this case, I don't believe that it's E. It's the Rothschild. Yeah. No, it actually is all of the above. Oh, I didn't know the Jack the Ripper one.

I must have missed that in my close and careful reading of this abysmal brain garbage. I think I missed that one, too. The Schickelgruber, I know that. That's a factual thing. Yeah. No, it's the third paragraph, middle of the fourth paragraph. As I said, I highlighted my copy. I passed my eyes over that part.

It didn't even pay attention. God, is this just mud. No, the writing is so bad. It is exceptionally bad. It is worse than everything I've listened to or read. I had to go back into the archives that my mom sent me of stuff that I wrote when I was in third grade, and I'm like, I wrote better than David Icke when I was in third grade.

Donald Trump speaks better than David Icke writes. That is a tough one. President Trump. That one hit fucking disconnect right now. All right. This is a long one. If you go through rituals and initiations to access your full psychic and physical potential, you... A. Get secret access to the bank accounts of the Federal Reserve, Rothschild, and Queen Elizabeth II.

B. Can commune with the Gallifreyans through the Barzan wormhole that passes through the Kessel Run. C. Attract positive energies from Archangel Michael to help undermine the Bavarian Illuminati and stop Hitler in an alternative timeline based on the many worlds interpretation of quantum mechanics. Oh my God. Jesus Christ. Or D. Attract negative energies that allow vibrational synchronization with reptilians or lower fourth-dimensional astral entities.

It's D. You fucking nailed it on D, bro. It's D. But there's still an E. There's an E. Well, it's not E. We're pretty well agreed it's E. It's D.

But okay, what is E? It was like a secret handshake that let you into the Order of the Oriental Templars, or OTO, which let you into their freaky sex rituals to harness the Vril energy. Oh, man, because E is kind of right, too. You're very good at writing these questions, actually. Hey, I taught classes. I had to write good multiple choice questions. You know what's funny is your questions are just objectively better than our questions. They're so much better.

I'm still going with D. Yeah, you're right. All right. Reptilians feed on A, you're right. All right. Reptilians feed on A, the tasty Charleston chews. B, the pears. No, hold on. No, no. Hold on.

Hold on. Do they put them in the fridge first? Do they put them in the refrigerator first, you think? That's how you really have to eat a Charleston chew. If you don't eat a Charleston chew that's frozen, you're a fucking monster. You have no idea how to live, I think, is what I'm going to say. But if they're reptilians, then they wouldn't be able to eat something frozen. The problem is every time they go to the freezer, they slow down.

They fucking nap. Okay. I'm trying to do this show serious. I'm trying to do this show serious I'm trying to be very serious So Charleston choose or B. The tears of the unborn and Unbaptized babies That's a good one

C. Conflict of human misery Or D. Whole rodents with the skin still on Conflict of human misery Yeah that's it. Nailed it. Yeah. That explains my entire state while reading this book. That explains most of my married life.

All right. So number four. This doesn't even respond. I love it. He's fucking the unflappable Dr. Stewart. That's great. I mean, you guys just have your own cadence with each other, and sometimes it's hard to insert oneself into the weird, weird menage a trois that would result.

Ew. According to David Icke, with all of their advanced tech, the Germans did not win World War II because... This is great. Oh, I know the answer to this. This is great. A. The Germans were just outnumbered and outstrategized. B. The reptilians of the lower fourth dimension were manipulating them, but playing both sides.

C. They did not have enough Vril 1 and 7 fighters to win the war, nor Anaboo 1, 2, or 3 fighters. May I mispronounce that one? One, two, or three fighters. May have mispronounced that one. Or D, they were spending too much time in their sex cults trying to harvest psychic energy and not enough time fighting. That's great. It's B. It's B.

Yeah. All right. So next to last, rather than take the best Nazi scientists to do things like advance the United States rocket program. Project Paperclip was A, an attempt to corner the market on small metal wires. B, ensure the continuation of the Nazi party. C, hold them for secret trials where technology ripped off their human disguises and they were disintegrated with energy siphoned off of the Space Infinity Gem. Or D, a transport of these scientists to the Americas to continue their work for the reptilian agenda.

It's got to be D. It's got to be D. But I feel distressingly like I'm guessing here, and I remember this, and I still just, I'm going D. Yeah, it's D. And I have to say, so I still just – I'm going D. Yeah, it's D. Yeah. And I have to say, so I know what Project Paperclip is because I listen to these conspiracy idiots all the time. But in my copy of the book, which I won't say where I got it, I think the text recognition was a little off because it kept calling it Project Paper Dip.

All right, the final question. All right, the final question. The CIA was created by A, the British intelligence who answers to her scaly majesty, QE2. B, Henry Kissinger, who answers not to Judaism, but to Satanism and his fellow reptilians. C, the Nazis, who David Icke seems to not be able to talk enough about. Methinks he might doth protest too much. Or D. A and C. It's A and C. It's A and C.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not the best at writing these questions, but I tried to make them a little bit harder this time. They were hard. They were actually way harder. They were way harder. I think you're going for something other than what we're – I'm just trying to make funny shit up. This chapter was a different level of crazy than prior chapters. It was.

Before, it was a lot of lists. This one, he really does sort of map out some crazy shit. Tom, did you write something? I did. I've got some questions. Hey, guys. How did the order of the Oriental Templars influence Nazi philosophy? A, by searing in the juices. A, by searing in the juices.

B, through sex rituals that control and harness energies known as vril. C, using a series of ropes and pulleys. D, by ignoring the safe word. Wow, my questions are a lot harder. It's B. All right. All right. What were bottles used for in summer solstice celebrations?

Whoa. A, you know. Eh? Come on. I do know. I do know. I know. I knew you would get it.

No, no. I'm picturing it right now. B, to form the symbol of the cross, also known as the hammer of the thror, the badge of power, and the order of the golden dawn, also known as the swastika, the ancient sun symbol of the Phoenician Aryans. Did he take a breath during that? He's a beat poet. He's fine.

Yeah. To send reptile snail mail across the ocean. He's a beat poet. He's fine. Yeah. To send reptile snail mail across the ocean. D. To house tiny boats that little reptiles sailed in.

B. B. Okay. All right. Yeah. I love waiting for the answer to get the most self-explanatory thing ever. B. Ruh-roh, y'all.

David Icke is under attack. How does the brotherhood come at him, bro? A. By hiding snakes in his boots. B. By replacing his regular coffee with Nescafe. C. By conjuring demons to wage psychic wars. D. By leaving passive-aggressive Yelp reviews. That's D! No, I'm kidding. I was going to say C, but i don't know if d might be

true although i guess would he be on yelp and finally who became the gods of legend a brad pitt from legends of the fall that's true b blonde-haired blue-eyed martians who maybe are reptiles or maybe they're nazis it's not really clear but they also sometimes might live underground you know as blonde hair as blonde haired lizards do c will smith from i am legend d the lollipop guild do i have to answer you don't have to answer. Why would we answer any of this shit? All right. So here's mine, gentlemen. All right. How do the people that live in the hollow earth stand on the underside of the earth's crust? A. Vibrational fabric softener from the fourth dimension keeps the inner earth's inhabitants pressed up against the crust during the earth's spin cycle.

Wow. B. They all float down here. Yes. C, the crust of the Earth generates the gravity on both sides. I love that. I love that so much. Or D, they do handstands on the nougat filling. I love the gravity on both sides.

Now, I'm going to stop here. There's a ring of double Now, I'm going to stop here. There's a ring of double gravity? I'm going to stop here. How feasible is that in physics, Stuart? No, no. There's got to be a ring of double gravity. So you'll notice, so the reason I suggested I be on for chapter 12 is because it actually had some science in it, or idea of science in it. Yeah, yeah, right.

had some science in it or idea of science yeah yeah right um so wait a minute hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on i need i'll just hold on i know you're gonna smally sign i appreciate that i get that and before i listen to you elucidate your point in the enormous cavernous room that you're talking i do are you gonna tell me for a second that you did not find his argument persuasive, that there's a giant hole on the two poles of the earth that you could fly a plane down into, but nobody knows about them because they're covered in clouds? I believe there's a bigger hole between his ears than there is in the earth. It's very, very common in the flat earth mythos that this is how gravity works, and it doesn't. very common in the flat earth mythos that this is how gravity works and it doesn't so people like the idea that okay when earth forms stuff gets pushed into a ring of nougat as cecil said um

because it's sort of nougat rings yeah it just squishes together and forms this hollow because it's spinning and that's not how things work. It seems like it should work. But then you have to realize, okay, let's say you're inside of this hollow ring or sphere. And you're looking up at the far side of it. You have all of that gravity from stuff that's really far away. But there's a hell of a lot more of it over there than there is right below your feet. So it all pulls towards center. Right, exactly. No matter what, there lot more of it over there than there is right below your feet. So it all pulls towards center. Right, exactly.

No matter what, there's more of it away from you. I love that shit. And he also was talking about lava, how there would be lava shooting out of the planet all the time because of the centrifugal force. Burp, burp, burp, burp, lava burps. The earth is not fucking spinning like a top. You know what I mean? The earth is not spinning like a dreidel, like as fast as it could go to stay up. It is spinning at a relatively slow rate based on its size.

Exactly. I mean in intro astronomy, we have to calculate how fast the Earth would have to spin if the moon were to bud off of it because that was one of the early formation ideas. And it's like you'd have to spin up Earth to spin on its axis once every four hours or so. And, you know, it's the same thing to actually get any sort of hollow cavity type thing forming is you'd have to spin really, really,

really, really, really fast for centrifugal force to do anything. And even then this whole idea of gravity pulling stuff towards the center is still going to win out. So you're still not going to get a hollow cavity. I can physics. God damn it. I going to get a hollow cavity. Fucking physics. God damn it, man.

I want to believe. What a killjoy physics is. I want to believe in a hollow earth with two holes that you can get to and fly into and enjoy dinosaur land down there. It's like a bead earth. It's amazing. And there's like a sun in the middle of it. There's like a whole sun. It sounds great down there.

You live to thousands of years for no reason. You get to be blonde haired wizards. I think it's really great down there. It sounds good. I have three no reason. You get to be blonde-haired wizards. I think it's really great down there. It sounds good. I have three more questions. I'm going to read them. All right. Where did Agartha battle Shambhala?

A, a Magic the Gathering regional qualifier. A. B, Thunderdome. C, in the Reddit comment section for our Tumblr in action. Nice. Or D, Mars, apparently on the moon, and now Earth. That's great. Yeah.

How do you know you are locked into the reptiles or another low vibrational consciousness via automatic writing? Oh, my God. A, your erection lasts longer than four hours. No, it doesn't. B, you feel like you're being taken over by demons and your books are written in a trance. C, you are under the delusion that you can make America great again.

Or D, you wake up fucking a cookie jar. Cookie jar. Wait, that's just me. That's just me. Oh, yes. Yes, it is up fucking a cookie jar. Cookie jar. Wait, that's just me. That's just me. Oh, yes. Yes, it is. Okay, so B. Yeah, it definitely is B.

Final question. How did the Nazis control people? A, schnapps. B, Hitler told everyone that asked about the Jews that they went to go live on a big farm. Wow. about the jews that they went to go live on a big farm wow oh shit six million people it's a really big farm though uh or pardon me c magnets and colors d hitler spoke everything backwards or. by giving everyone a sense of belonging except the Jews and the communists and the gypsies and the homosexuals.

Magnets and colors is the answer you're looking for, Jeff. That's the part that's distressing. Magnets and colors. I didn't make that up. He really says magnetism and colors is how he tricked an entire group of people. Maybe he meant animal magnetism. Because, yeah, there comes a point where it's just so stupid. Your eyes glaze over it.

Really? I mean, honestly, Stuart, this is 20 pages. Honestly, how long did it take you to read it? I read it over the course of the past week because i i could only read a few pages at a time i have a synopsis of the chapter gentlemen i want to read all right bring it home so here we go you can write entire books in a trance which is really the only way you could explain this pile of garbage the earth is hollow and we know this because lava isn't Constantly shooting out of it like silly string

And the icebergs have lettuce The Nazis were reptile controlled Had flying saucers And lost the war because the lizards told them Did you write any haikus? I wrote Two haikus, a limerick, and I reworded a song. What the fucking what?

I want to hear the limerick. I want to hear them all. All right. Bring it home, buddy. There once was a reptile on Mars who was sick fighting wars amongst the stars. So he had sex with man. Why? Because he can.

Now drunks tell the story at bars. Oh, that's great. I love it. Nicely done, Stuart. All right, so this first haiku is kind of mean, and I feel a little bad for writing it, but, you know. Never feel bad about being mean. David Icke really pissed me off with this.

No, I'm fine with that. All mean. David Icke really pissed me off with this. No, I'm fine with that. All right. David Icke, when facts aren't there, just spew bullshit out your lying ass. The second one is, the only thing that would make this chapter less worse is lots of flow charts. I like less worse. I'm a big fan of less worse. All right, Cecil? I got one.

All right. Aleister Crowley should have wrote a Hitler book, The Grapes of Rothschild. Nicely done, sir. I should not have been drinking when you said that. Nicely done. So let's hear your song. All right. I am not actually going to sing it.

Ah, Boo Werns so it's to the tune of For Good from Wicked so you guys might not know that I don't I don't but I'll pretend yeah you should they did it on Glee

oh let me never watch that let me go back into the archives god damn I can't even imagine what fucking amazingly poor series of life choices would have to befall me in order for me to watch a fucking glee rerun of all things i'm not even starting with fucking regular glee but i'm like oh i gotta get the back catalog of glee are you fucking kidding me? When do my testicles come off in this alternate universe? I don't think they were ever on. All right, so let's hear your wicked remake.

I've heard it said reptilians live under the earth, in the hollows, trying to harness real energy. trying to harness real energy. And we are led to this by Mr. David Icke, if we listen and we believe his inane bullshit. Well, I don't know if I believe that's true, but I know Icke's writings are moronic and poorly cited too. That's it. Nicely done.

Nicely done. That's awesome. I feel like you equivocated a little. I'm not sure exactly what that you, that you're able to say what you really felt. So Stuart, uh, if people were going to find your podcast,

uh, that you've sort of taken a hiatus from, but has a back catalog, where would they look? They would look to podcast.sjrdesign.net. Stuart, thank you so much for joining us. And we are sorry for inflicting this book on you, but you were such a trooper.

We really do appreciate it. This has been some of the funniest quiz stuff we've gotten so far. You're way funnier than Tom. Yeah, you are way funnier. So if you'd like to sit over here, you're welcome. Just get your one-way trip to – tell you what. I'll go live in Colorado. You can come live in Chicago.

We'll do a little swapsies. Oh, God. It'll be great. No, that's okay. No? No. I feel like I could science the hell out of some science. I just show up to your work and be like, where's my sciencing machines?

We have murders here. I don't know. Is that enticing? We don't have many murders here. We just have pot. Yeah. Again, can we play Swapsies? Stuart, thanks for joining us, man.

It was great. Thanks for having me. Abortions for all. Very well. No abortions for anyone. Abortions for some. some miniature american flags for others so this story comes from right wing watch uh this is jim baker this is pretty great uh jim baker evidently has no conception of what a nuclear strike would actually do in the world it would just abort a baby right but it wouldn't do any

more damage than what abortion has already done oh yeah so just like it just like sucks a baby out of your womb that's it like whenever a nuclear weapon goes off all those all those people in hiroshima were like man did you hear that oh it just it sounded like an abortion it's not like a vacuum cleaner turning on did you hear that it's the sound of a fucking medical grade Flobby. A loud suction sound. All right, so here we go. This is Jim Baker's Atomic Strike wouldn't do any more damage than what abortion has done. We do not have to kill our children. Oh, good.

Thank God. Gosh, I was so worried. Hold on a minute. I got to revise my plans. I totally was going to do the Isaac thing. Don't kill your kids. I was going to do the Isaac thing. Don't kill your kids. I was going to do the Isaac thing. We have killed our future and we're making it sound like anybody who speaks out against

it is evil. No, nobody's saying you're evil, dude. We're just saying you're just, you just disagree on the fucking when life starts. That's all. That's it. I don't like the only people in the argument that use words that are simplistic like evil. Right. Right?

I don't – I'm not putting good and evil. Tags on it. Tags. Yeah, exactly. It's not metadata. I'm not fucking typing that shit in. Hashtag evil. Like I'm not doing that.

Like I just happen to think that three cells fucking lumped together aren't really a meaningful definition of life. I think things the size of a grape or the size even of a grapefruit yeah that aren't that have no discern like they're not i don't think that those are fucking people well we've talked about this before like i mean i have a pretty and i don't think a fucking person who's a fucking in a vegetative state is a person either right yeah exactly yeah like you know once the brain before the brain not a person like after the brain not a person why because you brain that's how you think that's how you person right you that's it brain to person that's it that's it how you get a person a i don't know thought i'd start by braining yeah

america has turned they're saying good is evil and evil is good why do i say that because that's what the bible warns will happen in the last days we are there now and i really want you to know it's the last day so you buy more slop you know what i mean like that's all he's saying i just really want you to know that the world's gonna end who you're not even gonna have to pay your credit card off right doesn't matter twenty five hundred dollars on have to pay your credit card off right doesn't matter twenty five hundred dollars on your fucking on your credit card who cares what the interest rate is the world's gonna end before you have to pay it and i know we've talked about this too but it's like the world's going to end it's inevitable yeah but i want to survive it and i want to survive it

eating your fucking garbage bucket food here's the thing man i don't want to live through that yeah and here's the thing dude fucking eventually when you run out of the garbage bucket food? Here's the thing, man. I don't want to live through that. Yeah, and here's the thing, dude. Fucking eventually, when you run out of the garbage bucket, you're going to start eating abortions. That's how it works. So just get used to it. No, I'm actually going to save the buckets. I'm going to start with the abortions.

Yeah, because they go bad. That's it. Yeah, I mean, this is shell fly fishing, man. Hey, first in, first out. It's not funny, man. All these dead baby jokes. Dead baby jokes aren't funny. They make me go sad times.

If you can't laugh at dead babies, I don't want to live anymore. I want to be a dead baby. Yes, we are. Now, right now. And, you know, Pastor, we're talking about the convention and talking about people are literally, it's a big thing in the news right now. They're having nervous breakdowns over the political campaign. People are in need of peace. Because there's people who feel so strongly on both sides.

People always feel strongly on both sides of political arguments that's why that's the old saying like you don't talk about religion and politics because fucking people are just fucking worked up about i'm worked up about it well especially around like i don't know when you're fucking gonna elect a new president if people weren't excited about it that would be more problematic than if they were if people were just like blase like i don't know i don't see the difference between the candidates what the fuck it's a brexit or not who gives a shit right but nobody's having a nervous breakdown nobody's sitting at home like chewing their fucking fingers to the bones some of his listeners might be having nervous breakdowns his

listeners are having nervous breakdowns because their fucking slop buckets haven't arrived yet can you imagine if like the shipping on that was like six to eight weeks i know you're like you're just like hoping you're like you look at your wife i just hope that we can make it i just want to survive the next six to eight weeks for shipping and handling and then the postman will come whether or not because the postman they don't stop for the apocalypse that's in that that's it yeah it's like neither rain nor snow, no hurricanes, no dogs. Right. Yeah.

No nest of locusts or whatever. All that stuff. They get through all of it. Isn't it amazing? People are so strong that they want to kill babies. They're fighting for the right to kill babies. Look, I'll fight for my right to party all day. You got to. You know what I mean?

You've got to fight for your right. That includes killing a few babies. Well, you've got to break a few babies if you want to make a— You can't make a good party without cracking a few babies. You know what I mean? He's such a fucking dimwit. Well, that's the thing. Again, he's painting it into a light that is so just absolutely abhorrent.

Right. You're looking at this group of people, and you're saying they want to kill babies. They want to fight to kill babies. Yeah. No, nobody's doing that. That's not. That's a gross oversimplification of the issue. What they're doing is they're saying women would like a choice on whether or not they get rid of a few cells in their fucking tummy.

Right. I keep saying if an atomic bomb dropped on america it wouldn't do any more damage than what abortion has done wow remember the time abortion destroyed miles and miles of infrastructure and like that person got that abortion and there was like massive nuclear fallout and and uh yeah yeah well you know one of the things that happens is when you're in the abortion office sometimes the whole place will go go just go dark because of the EVP that happens. Right. You know what I mean?

Like it just it just automatically. Oh, shit. Is somebody having an abortion? Jesus. My fucking iPad broke. I can't even get on the Wi-Fi. Somebody must be having an abortion. Oh, man.

It looks like the skin was stripped from your flesh by winds traveling hundreds if not thousands of miles an hour. Did someone have an abortion? A atomic bomb could kill 60 million people. It would take a big bomb. It would take a big explosion. But think of it. It would take a really big bomb. Because I can't imagine.

That's a fifth of the United States. You would have to blow up the entire fucking east coast. Eastern seaboard, right. With one bomb? It would be – if it was a big one and it was tied to other big ones and then they were all glued to successively larger ones and then those had like a shoestring tied around them. And then you fed those to a biggest one. And then you shot them out of a shark. A sharknado.

Then maybe 60 million. Well, what about if there was like a giant family reunion and 60 million people all showed up in the same place? That's fair. What if the war of the worlds happened? And the point that the psalmist is making is when

a nation sacrifices innocent children in abortion or infanticide, that is a sacrifice to demons. It's like food for demons, using that expression metaphorically. What I mean by that is that act of the shedding of innocent blood, the most innocent among us, it empowers satanic forces. So this story, pretty much the same analogy. This actually, the same analogy

popped up three times this week. Also from Right Wing Watch. This is from Frank Pavone. Hey! Pavone! Come on, hey! Forget about it! Legal abortion. This one, though, like several atomic bombs have gone. At least that makes sense.

At least, guys, he's multiplying the bombs necessary for the work to get done. All right, so this is the Pavones. One issue I also have, I guess, when we talk about the right to life and to the dignity of life, I've heard some very troubling things from Donald Trump, and I agree protecting infants from the womb is is probably the most important thing but when i hear statements about see remember we were talking about this remember we're talking about single issue voters i think abortion probably has the most single issue voters in the entire i really do i really more than guns i will say at least they're more vocal you know i mean like

gun people i think so i think they are man i don't know i think they are you know how dedicated are the gun people? Once in a while, they strap on their fucking gun and walk around with it on their back or maybe conceal carry once in a while. These people get up on fucking Saturday morning to go fucking pick at the Planned Parenthood. I guess that's true. I wouldn't get up on Saturday morning to go anywhere. I wouldn't get up on Saturday morning if my own kid was going to be aborted and he's nine.

That's terrible. Jesus. If you wanted to go support him in his abortion girlfriend she's nine too right well actually i would i would support that i'd be like we got to get that thing done buddy i'll tell you what i don't care what time we got to wake up no i ain't a grandfather we may have to stay up all night who knows i'm not changing my fucking profile to grandpa i'll tell you that that much. Oh, it's going to happen sooner rather than later. Never at all.

No, my son's got no game. But when I hear statements about, you know, going after families of suspected terrorists or known terrorists, I mean, there's other lives at stake. There's other issues that do have to deal with life and maybe not infant life. But I've heard troubling things from Donald Trump as well that just leave me stumped. And that's a great question. Life overall. Let's pick it up on that.

Because, OK, you've got two candidates who, let's say, support abortion. Then we could talk about that. But this example is a great one because he did talk about going after not just the terrorists, but their families as well. That is clearly a life issue. Fucking thing. There's something wrong with it. There's a click. It's a fucking thing. There's something wrong with it. There's a click. You hear how it's like, there's something wrong with this.

I mean, just so you know, this is either edited or something's going on with this audio. So how do you pick and choose what life is more valuable? The one in the womb or the one that's already out? Or I mean, he brings up a great point. Well, it is a very important point. And thank you for bringing it up. You start off, of course, with acknowledging no life is more valuable than any other, so the lives are of equal value. Secondly, what is it that the man actually said? Here we have to be careful. Our bishops

urge us to analyze campaign rhetoric critically, and what that means is, okay, we might have heard a soundbite on the media, and especially if it's a troubling one, let's dig deeper into what did he exactly mean? Did he later clarify and expand on those remarks? You know, first of all, we have to be fair to these candidates and dig deeper than what the media is handing us in soundbites. Once we analyze what he's actually saying, then we have to ask the question,

well, does the president actually have the power to unilaterally do that, or are there people around him who are going to rein him in or put boundaries on what he can do? Are we talking about something that requires congressional action, something that can be struck down by a court? What are we really talking about? And then, of course, the final element of the analysis, as far as I'm concerned, is are we talking about a potential destruction of the innocent or an actual destruction of the innocent? I don't understand the distinction. I don't either. Well, hopefully hopefully it clarifies and in what numbers right now we have a raging holocaust going on and it's not maybe and it's not potential and it's not maybe we're going to kill these

families or maybe we're going to drop an atomic bomb it's like several atomic bombs have already gone. Oh, I see. Okay. There we go. Yeah, see, that's like a lemming following someone off a cliff. Like once you get there, you're just full of regret. You're like,

ah, that's so sad. That is not worth it. That's so sad. It's essentially saying, here's the deal. Do we want to block Trump because he could potentially kill life or actually stop abortion, which would stop what they would consider the ending of life? That's what the tradeoff is. Their moral conundrum is whether or not we should kill people that are alive and breathing and in another country or we should murder unborn babies. Because clearly they don't have a guy who's going to do fucking both of those things.

They're just like – They have a hard choice to make every single election. There's no – you can't – I don't know how you could be a pacifist and be part of the Republican Party. I don't know how you could. I don't understand. It's hard to be a Democrat and be a pacifist either. It's hard to be a pacifist. I was actually kind of floored when he said all life is co-equivalent or whatever he said. Yeah, because it's not.

Right. But that's actually a – that's an admission a lot of times they won't make. No, no. They will never make it. A lot of times it's like, well, babies. That's like as far as they're going to go into their argument. They're just like, well, fucking on the one side is babies. On the other side, it's brown people overseas.

They normally do put the innocent moniker on there. They'll be like innocent babies, innocent babies, innocent babies right as opposed to those non-innocent babies right like if here's the thing like if your mom just like a disease right if your mom has aids you get aids if you mom while you're in the womb robs a bank you're not innocent then you're not innocent you're an accessory why did you stop her i I wasn't even sentient. I didn't brain yet. I couldn't see out of this thing. I tried to make a fucking makeshift periscope to get eyes on, but I couldn't do it.

I tried to wave somebody down. Look, I don't have the Uber app in this fucking thing. What do you want me to do? On our own soil, when it comes to just the sheer numbers. So with abortion, we're talking about an actual daily killing of the innocent, as opposed to something that maybe, if we're analyzing properly what he said, could be a potential killing of the innocent. So these are some of the elements of the analysis.

But you're still shit out of luck. No matter what, it's a rock and a hard place for a lot of these people. That's why that guy called in and was like, I don't know that I want to vote for this guy. And I actually sympathize with that, right? In the sense that it's gotta suck to have nobody that you're just like,

yeah, that's my guy. I mean, and I'm not super stoked about Hillary, but I'm not upset either. I'm not like, the big issue that's important to me makes me cry. I don't feel like that at all. These guys have their fucking – they've got this big issue and they're just like, I don't know, man. I'm going to lose no matter what. And the stakes for them is fucking really high.

Because there are a lot of people out in the world right now that I think are anti-death, right? They're anti – they are real pro-life people where they might be against all abortion, but they might also be against all the death penalty, be all against – but the Republican Party really is very selective. And we talked about this many times, but they're very selective about who they're pro-life for. They're pro-life for babies. The rest of it, if you're an adult, we don't really care about you. If you're on death row, we certainly don't care about you. If you're somebody in another country that we're going to drop a bomb on, whoopsie doodles.

I know, right? It's super sad, bro. Hold on a second. If you're poor. Yeah, if you're poor, we don't really care about you. They don't care about a lot of people. And I wonder how much that tweaks the Republican Party a little bit, some of the people in the Republican Party. I bet it's really problematic.

I mean, you could hear the real concern in this guy's voice. Like, I don't know what to do. Like, I have to spend all this time judging the lesser of evils. Yeah. His primary goal is to take you to hell with him. If Satan can get you to kill for him, great. That's icing on the cake. This story is also from Right Wing Watch.

Alveda King, Hillary Clinton wants to usher in the Antichrist. So this is more Jim Baker show. I can't get enough of the Jim Baker show. Jim Baker show really is quality programming for sure. And Alveda's got some fucking crazy shit to say about the Antichrist. Mrs. Hillary Clinton recently said, I am paraphrasing, but look it up. She said, basically, Christians and religious people in America need to set aside their religious beliefs and serve secular humanism. All right, let's make sure, because Tom, I'm just going to have you read this aloud.

Not at all. Because this is what she said. Go. So here's the excerpt. Not at all. Because this is what she said. Go. So here's the excerpt.

Yes, we've nearly closed the global gender gap in primary school, but secondary school remains out of reach for so many girls around the world. Yes, we've increased the number of countries prohibiting domestic violence, but still more than half the nations in the world have no such laws on the books, and an estimated one in three women still experience violence. Yes, we've cut the mortality rate in half, but far too many women are still denied critical access to reproductive health care and safe childbirth. All the laws we've passed don't count for much if they're not enforced. Rights have to exist in practice, not just on paper. Laws have to be backed up with resources and political will and deep-seated cultural codes. Religious beliefs and structural biases have to be changed. As I have said, and as I believe, the advancement of the full participation of women and girls in every aspect of their societies is the great unfinished business of the 21st century,

and not just for women, but for everyone, and not just in faraway countries, but right here in the United States. That could not be any more... I mean, unless right-wing watch dropped the ball and found a different thing that has nothing to do with what she was saying. But seriously, that has nothing to do with it. It's not even remotely. The only part of it is that she says deep-seated cultural codes and religious beliefs have to be changed. But it has nothing to do with abortion.

I guess she does refer back up earlier in the speech to access to reproductive health care and safe childbirth. She's using such clinical terms, though. You could basically, you know. It could be the fucking pill. Yeah. You know what I mean? I mean, it could be just regular old run-of-the-mill, not abortion, but just any kind of birth control. Regular birth control.

Yeah. It's just totally different than what she actually said. And in that point, she was saying abortion or the thing with ISIS. We can't do that. And she really has said we're going to have to learn in America to set aside our religious beliefs. And so I was saying what she's really saying is usher in the Antichrist. I love that she starts with the original text, and then she paraphrases it. So she takes it, then she changes it, and then she just paraphrases that to, look, it's basically the Antichrist.

Yeah, pretty much. We've boiled this down. We've distilled this down to the Antichrist. To the Antichrist. Yeah. Basically, and she actually did say that, her running mate for the vice president, Tim, is a very deceptive thing. So I pray that people are really listening. He'll even say, oh, I personally am not for abortion, but I'm going to uphold the law of the land. He has literally nothing to do. What would he do about that as the vice president?

It's not like he's fucking ripping babies out of wombs in the Oval Office. Nobody goes to the vice president and asks for his permission to have an abortion. Hey, man, is it all right if I have an abortion? What the fucking, what would he do about it? Punch Hillary? I know. I've got her in a headlock, guys. Quick, appoint someone else. I've distracted her.

What a crazy, weird thing to say. I put the Macy's catalog on the table. I've distracted her. What a crazy, weird thing to say. I put the Macy's catalog on the table. I've distracted her. Knowing that if she appoints those Supreme Court justices, they will open the borders. More terrorists will come across the borders. You know what we should do is buy slop buckets. Yeah. I bet if we bought slop buckets, we'd be happy.

There will be more disrespect to Israel. The issue of marriage and family will further degrade uh more and more money will go to planned parenthood that is the full agenda all we have to do is just ignore what was actually said yeah have her say something else then turn into the antichrist literally say anything else after that means nothing once i've paraphrased i can now change it to literally anything you know know, I actually – I read that speech, and I think that what Hillary really said was the reptile people will be in control. All hail the reptile people. Yeah, but that's just because she's a reptile person.

That's true. And she was also banging a reptile person. She was? Yeah. You want answers? I think I'm entitled to them. You want answers? I want the truth.

You can't handle the truth. This story is also from Right Wing Watch, And it's again, Alveda King. Terrorists pray that we have abortions. Terror, Islamic terrorists pray that Americans will continue to abort our babies. Well, that fucking real quick right there. Sometimes Right Wing Watch will say something that's not real true. This time, she pretty much said it. Super true.

Like six seconds in. But hold on. Let's think about that for a second. Alright, so if a terrorist prays that we abort our babies, is that supposed to influence me to have abortion? Or is that... Or if a terrorist prays and then the abortion rate goes up, maybe their god's the more

powerful god. In order for this to even matter, in order for this to matter,, right? In order for this to matter, one of two things has to happen. Either I have to find that message very persuasive and be like, well, that's a good point when the terrorist said it. I hadn't thought about it until that fucking dude with the fucking

nail bomb on his chest brought it up. Or their God just wins, in which case their God is the God God. Yeah, it's just a better god. Right. Maybe you're like, that dude's god beat up my god. All right.

Or what I think she's saying is that she's very – that the terrorists are happy that we're aborting. And since we're doing a thing that makes the terrorists happy, then that's a bad thing in our eyes. happy, then that's a bad thing in our eyes. Even though it has, like, what that does is say they're simplifying it down to, well, you're just getting rid of Americans. Even though, in my opinion, I think they would be like, fuck that, I want to blow them up. Like, if you're a terrorist, be like, the thing that I do, the thing that I'm going to do is hurt Americans in order to try to get my political will done. If I'm happy with the abortion,

nothing is getting done, right? Yeah, I'm not, it's a population reduction effort, right? Yeah, that's all it is. Right. And she's going to talk about it being a population reduction effort because she thinks terrorists are here and they're going to then equate all Muslims

to terrorists in a few minutes. So that we will diminish. And as they come in, they're going to have 10 15 20 babies right who has 20 babies it's a lot of babies not even the catholics can have 20 babies even the duggars had 20 20 babies 20 babies is a lot fucking that is a robust woman that is my god that's your almost your entire reproductive life i just at some point like you couldn't fucking finish in that thing i'm not sure am i in here i fucking i'm i'm in here with both legs i'm up to my chest in this you need a minor's

light jesus right wondering what the fuck's happening like wait do i just come in my hand and throw it in there what do i do because there's no way i'm gonna be i'm like throwing a hot dog down a hallway here what's happening babies yeah If I tug on this rope twice, haul me out. Your fucking clit is like a fucking bell down here. I could use it as a punching bag. Jesus Christ. You got repelling gear. 20 babies.

You're sitting there. She's squirming a little. It would be nice, though, because the clit would be easy to find, easy to find though you know what i mean like if it's that big buddy it's not bad it's like you know there's nothing nice about 20 you know like the first fucking bakers doesn't if you're just like uh you got another seven in you no but what they do is they you know they they they have about six or seven and then you go to your oldest daughter is they have about six or seven, and then you go to your oldest daughter, and you have about six or seven. Oh, my God. Gee, fucking hit play.

And then you go to her oldest daughter. Grandpa's home. Oh, my God. So they want us to continue to decrease our population so that they can increase. And just by sheer numbers, that's why, because right even in Atlanta, there's so many mosques. I drive around and I said, oh my goodness. And they have big families.

Very wealthy people building mosques, even in towns where they don't have any people to go to them. No, why would they do that? What the fucking, what would be the point of that? That'd be like you selling fucking buckets of food to atheists so they say abort your babies oh yeah and they'll even act like it's okay but they say oh no we're not aborting ours if black lives matter then why is it that that black women are more than five times as likely as a white woman to have an abortion? She's using Black Lives Matter not to name an organization, not to name a grassroots organization.

She's saying if Black Lives Matter is like, well, fucking can we just work off the presupposition that they do? Yeah, right. lives matter it's like well fucking can we just work off the presupposition that they do yeah right like i'm not talking about the organization black lives matter but i think you can just cut the if out of that equation start with black lives matter yes yeah we actually have been targeted planned parenthood hates it when this is explained but about 60 to 70% of all Planned Parenthoods are in minority neighborhoods. Abortion is billed and marketed. Abortion clinics, in other words? Abortion mills or clinics. Abortion mills.

Well, yeah. I mean, how the fuck do you get your fetus flower if you don't take it to the abortion mill? Abortion mills. That's an abortion mill. That fetus flatbread doesn't cook itself. I love fetus naan, though. That's an abortion mill. That fetus flatbread doesn't cook itself. I love fetus naan, though. That's great. When you abort those Indian babies.

It's chewy. It's delicious. It tastes like cardamom. You put some butter fetus on there. It's good stuff, baby. I love it. And you just take and sprinkle a little MSG, which is just tiny abortions. That's all it is.

It's just a few cells at a time. Clinics are in predominantly black communities, and we have proven this. Because just the traveling around the country, and they say, oh, here's the abortion mill. Oh, here's an abortion mill. Said nobody ever. Oh, and there's a fucking sign just like,

ye olde abortion mill. General Mills says that all the time. Be on a near street named after martin luther king jr no and i began to see that beginning and then there were various organizations so we did the research and life issues institute really did confirm that and so then you get there and they say well we really want to help you we want abortion to be safe legal and rare but if but if you get pregnant we're going to do this we want you to be safe, legal, and rare. But if you get pregnant, we're going to do this. We want you to be a credit to your race.

They need to take that rare out of there. And it's not rare. The pre-course to this, before 1973, was the Negro Project. And the Negro Project was marketed primarily to the black community, giving free and low-cost vasectomies and tubal

ligations. When abortion became legal, then it was offered on a disproportionate rate to the black community and sold as reproductive health care, reproductive freedom. This is your right. Everybody should have access to fucking birth control, though. People of means have always had access to vasectomies and tubal ligations because it's a money issue. Yeah. That's what that's all about.

Why is that a bad thing that you would offer someone a chance to fucking have birth control if they wanted it? I think her supposition is that it's primarily being directed toward African-Americans as a population control measure. So like white elites, the white power elites are trying to get black people to stop reproducing by – I think that's what she's saying, but it's like it's fucking retarded. It's a backward way of looking at what's really happening here. Yeah, and also to say like, oh, oh well the poor neighborhoods have more abortion clinics yeah well the poor people can't afford to have kids like well they can't travel they can't yeah that's the thing it's like you don't have all these reasons there's a lot of reasons it's just one reason but yeah it makes

it makes perfect sense to put in a place where look if i need to go get a thing and i hop in the car and i don't even care how far the thing is i'm literally going with a buddy to boston on saturday so he can buy a car i'm flying to a state what a thousand miles away to buy a fucking car and drive it back home why i don't know it doesn't matter to me it just seemed like something to do with my weekend but there are fucking hundreds and thousands of people who can't afford transportation to get groceries. So when you're talking about providing services to underserved communities and to communities where people don't have access to casual access to transportation, it only makes sense to put those resources in the communities they're serving. They can get it. Because I'll just fucking go.

Like I'm a middle class dude. It doesn't matter to me. And they do that with They can get it. I'll just fucking go. I'm a middle class dude. It doesn't matter to me. And they do that with abortion all the time. They try to cut it away. That's how you do it, is you take it away from these affected communities, communities that don't have travel costs to get to other places, and you can cut the abortion rate down pretty easily. Right.

But black lives matter in the womb, I would think. I would think, yes. And I think the womb that brings forth the black lives should matter. Right. But black lives matter in the womb, I would think. I would think, yes. And I think the womb that brings forth the black lives should matter. Yes. But they don't want that out there. Right. See, that's the thing. So because black lives absolutely matter, what about the babies in that womb?

That's right. What about that mama? That's right. And so all, John 3, 16, God's love matters. And it takes care of every person. And so we have been tricked and fooled and bought into that lie that abortion is health care and is helping our communities. And, you know, prior to 73, certainly in the black community, there were less strokes, heart attacks, and all that thing. After 73 with all that, the numbers went up in every community, but certainly in the black community, there were less strokes, heart attacks, and all that thing. After 73 with all that, the numbers went up in every community, but certainly in the black community, because abortion is connected to strokes, heart attacks, depression, drug addiction, and on and on.

So you see all of this. And even in prison, there happen to be more African-American men in prison, but sometimes we did polls of the women in prison and the men in prison. And they both said, you did a poll. How many of you had abortions? And so one man looked at me one day. I was ministering in prison. Well, I was involved in killing my kid.

Why can't I kill you? And I said, oh, my God, you're suffering, too. You're hurt. What the fucking what? I didn't understand a lesbian at all. Is she saying that the guy got an abortion and then wound up in prison? I think she's saying that he was involved in an abortion and then he – Was he aborted?

Was he aborted? So normally there would be an email section here, but we recorded with two other people that evening, and we also wound up recording a portion of next show. So we actually forgot about the email section. It was very late when we stopped recording, so we do not have an email section this time. However, I do have a couple of announcements I wanted to make before we close out the show. The first is that the ethical drinking that we had said last episode that we had planned to go to, we are still planning to go to,

however, it is on the 19th of September, which is a Monday, not on the 18th. So if you're planning on coming out, we'd still like to see everybody. However, it will not be,

uh, it will not be on the Sunday. It will be on Monday, September 19th. Uh, you can still get your tickets. You can get your tickets on this episode show notes if you if you like. And you can come out, hang out, drink at Lagunitas with us and just chill. We also have a survey we are hoping that the

audience will fill out. The survey is located at survey.libsyn.com forward slash dissonance pod. I'll put a link on this episode show notes. The survey is for advertising, which we are kicking around the idea of doing. If you have a few moments, it'll seriously take, there's no time whatsoever to fill out the survey. We had this survey up a while back, and we decided not to run it because it was a binary only gender survey. And we actually asked them, we talked to them recently, and they switched it. So now there is another category. So it's male, female, and there is another category of other. Clearly, they can't go into every single different gender identity, but they did wind up putting in another category. So if people don't identify with either male or female, they can put something else in there. it's in there. We have now, we are on the beta program for an RSS feed for Patreon. So there was an email that went out to patrons. If you are a patron, all you need to do is put this RSS feed

in your podcast app, whatever podcast app that is, and you will get all the things that we've ever posted audio-wise on Patreon. So it's a great way to access the podcast and specifically get the newer episodes, the episodes that we release early to patrons and the exclusive stuff specifically through the app that you always use. I'm going to start probably going back into the back catalog and labeling things either early release or, uh, or I'll be labeling them exclusively. So you can tell the difference in your podcast app, what those are. Um, so that when you're looking at the back stuff for the podcast app, you can actually find the things that you want to listen to. Uh, the early release stuff, uh, should be

pretty much, it will be exactly the same thing as the as the release that you normally get in your podcast feed. However, the exclusive release stuff is stuff that we've only released on Patreon like extras and, and full episodes that we've released only on Patreon. Finally, we also recorded this evening with Thomas Smith and Andrew Torres of the opening arguments podcast that podcast will be airing this week in the middle of the week. We're going to have a midweek show with them. It was a lot of fun. Really great guys.

We had a lot of great things to talk about, and they're super smart. So if you want to check that episode out, it'll be coming out Thursday. Also, this last week, we were on God Awful Movies. Eli was on vacation. However, we were able to sit in and have a conversation with Noah and Heath about God is not dead now that's the Kevin Sorbo movie we watched it and it was it was a blast we had a great time it's like a two and a half hour episode of God awful movie so check that out this week if you if you want to hear us talk about the God is not dead movie and Kevin Sorbo so check it

out if you get a chance. That's going to wrap it up for this week. We are going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble toil and trouble, pseudo quasi alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment. Leo Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic

healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques, and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, double-speak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody. Evidential.

Conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. Outro Music