Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 316: José Can You Sí...

Episode Date: September 19, 2016

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from glory hole studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome matt this is episode 316 and cecil this is a big deal big deal we hired someone we have an actual genuine american employee

who i welcomed to the glory hole and it wasn't sexual harassment this time great yeah no yeah this is good this will be so for the stenographer who's listening to this right now in court hello stenographer how are you sir when you were welcoming your employee to the glory hole that was a professional welcome that's what that was it was a professional it's a professional glory hole let the record state that i have asked for my lawyer and this man does not represent me so yeah no no absolutely we we hired someone right because of our patrons and because of our it's because of our patrons so guys you guys are employing a human being like so there was someone

who is working behind the scenes now uh the young lady's name is megan she is our newest employee she's excited to join the team we're excited to have her we had a ton of great people apply so many people we we we we had to weed it down the resumes spoiled for choice and that's no bullshit and then we called we called some people on the phone uh and we we wound up uh doing some other interviews over skype um you know to be honest it's it's kind of hilarious that we went through all that process just for a part-time person you know what i mean like people that we talked to this is no bullshit the people that we talked to we could have hired all of them yeah and it was just i mean we just couldn't do it we're job creators yeah we're job creators we want to thank everybody

who for applying though everybody who sent their resume and we looked at all the resumes yep um and like tom said we were spoiled for choice there were some people who just had you know the couple of different things that that sort of put them in a different column and and we want to thank everybody though who took the time to send their resume and thank you all so very much uh we are excited to uh to welcome megan onto the team and uh and we're hoping that uh that it makes things a little easier for us for you yeah well fucking it's not going to do anything different i know it's hard for me to get excited about it jesus christ like what are they gonna spoon feed your face?

What the fuck could they possibly do different for you? Well, if she would fucking write some dick jokes for me every now and again, that'd be great. She could just mail us. She could just email me some dick jokes. Mail things for you to read. That's it. Awesome.

But we're very happy that we were able to do that. It's terrific. So this story, unsurprisingly from right wing watch this is phil robertson see so we've got some audio of phil robertson and his fucking beard yammering around i don't know if this is entirely in duck calls but he does appear to have a camouflaged bag on the podium while he's talking yeah so this is one we're not going to listen to is the one where he's actually fucking readjusting the shit he brought with him he's got his fucking like thumb through bible that he's stuffing back in his bag we're gonna actually listen to the second one

which is how god is working through donald trump i love his world-wearing... I love that we're like, how far are we in? We're five seconds in, and he hasn't said anything, but he has clicked his lips, and he has exhaled loudly. Is that David Smalley? I know. We're seven seconds in, and he hasn't said anything. he's just gathering

his strength he's just gathering himself for his moment well Donald Trump sticks his foot in his mouth too much that's why I'm not voting for him really first of all read the Old Testament and see how

many different people God worked through to accomplish his purpose. What purpose? Also, isn't he omnipotent? Why does he have to work through so many people? Jesus, it's like he has to go through the bureaucracy that humans created. Couldn't he have just, I don't know, done the thing?

Right? It's almost like it was just people all along hmm and then dad pulled his hands away and i was riding the bike by myself i seriously had some footprints in the sand shit right yeah it's garbage it's a always got to work through he doesn't have to fucking work through people if he's omnipotent what the fuck is that for? What is he, reaching in there and wearing them like a puppet? Ooh, look at me.

I'm Jeremiah. God's the original fister. He's just right up there. Is this normal? Is this what everyone does? It's a weekend at Solomon's. A lot of them. Give him time.

Better a man who sticks his foot in his mouth every once in a while. I've done it myself. I know none of you have, but possible you might have at some point. Wait, I know none of you have, but possible you might have at some point that i don't know that that makes sense i don't know that this man should words he should just beard like all he should do is absolutely because that thing is fucking epic yeah you know the the the crying indian knew what he was doing right the crying indian knew that they could shed a single tear and just shut the fuck up and be totally awesome. That's it.

It's powerful. Yeah. It's powerful. Maybe his voice sounded like fucking froggy from the little rascals. You don't know because he never said anything. I know. He didn't have to. This guy could stand there and beard the fuck out of some bearding, and you could be like, maybe that's kind of majestic.

It must be really uncomfortably warm where he's at because he's always wearing a headband. Well, if you had that beard, you'd be sweating like crazy, too. I sweat like crazy just trying to move around under my own weight. Better a man who sticks his foot in his mouth every once in a while than a woman who pours out lies. From her vagina. From her bleeding vagina. Right, guys?

Right? Right? Huh? Who's a misogynist in here with me wait wait wait i know all of you all of you are it's awesome i know then a woman that's the focus right that's the focus of that sentence right a woman who pours out lies donald trump can't consistently say the same thing or hold a message and we're supposed to forgive that why because he's some dude sure right and like i mean he's some dude that's the that's the whole thing it's like yeah hey guys vote penis vote off well and the idea that she's pouring out lies all the time isn't brought up in the in the facts like you look at you know when

they when they fact check them from when they pull it back or whatever yeah yeah she's she's she is telling falsehoods a lot of them are she's not a hundred percent false so he's like fucking ten percent fucking right somebody i mean like is there's some really bad that guy's pants are on fire that guy is consistently not telling the truth over and over and over again and only that, like at least she has positions that you can at least fact check when you say something like, yeah, I talked to the top cop and the top guys and the guy said they could fix it in a week.

What guy? I don't know. I wasn't paying attention to the guy or the thing or the thing that he says. First off, it's not even a viable plan. Secondly, there's no way to verify it.

Right. Well, and actually the, the, the, the police came out afterwards. Like we didn't fucking talk to anybody. Like nobody can ever verify it. Like you said, he's no way to verify it. Right. Well, and actually, the police came out afterwards like, we didn't fucking talk to anybody. Like, nobody can ever verify it.

Like you said, not only is it not, it has not been verified, but the people that he supposedly talked to are always like, we literally don't know what he's saying. We never had a conversation with him. Right. And it's not even a good plan anyway. Right. Like, it's not even a good plan anyway because the guy that was saying it was like, yeah yeah we just need to be tougher when it like that's not even quantifiable what do you what do you mean like we're gonna run fucking people over with cars now like what is our plan and the thing is like fucking at least with that you could look at and say okay is it a lie is it not a lie

he doesn't even have a position you can even look at like that well but okay all right all of that i will i will concede all of those points but vagina vagina bleeding not anymore it's not bleeding she's fucking 68 those days have come and gone i mean unless she takes some virgin blood and puts it up there just to she's bathing in virgin blood that thing's dry as the day is long, my friend. That's how you get pneumonia. That's all I'm saying. Dry vagina. Donald Trump often appears on Fox, which is ironic, because a fox often appears on Donald Trump's head.

So this is Donald Trump imagines an America where everyone lives under one God. This is a minute and 18 seconds of just Donald Trump. Donald T in the hizzy. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Is that tie an American flag?

I think it is. Is this tie an actual American flag? I think I need that tie. Is that an... Oh my God. He's wearing an unironic American flag tie. I would wear that ironically. The only thing that could make that better is if it was an american flag fish tie or in the shape of like a missile

we are all equal and we all come from the same creator if we remember that simple fact, then our future is truly limitless. Wait, wait, why does that make my future limitless? What does that do? First of all, fact is not the word you're looking for with that statement. If you all remember that conjecture, that wild possible theory that seems deeply unlikely and insults actually most of the world. Sure. Yeah. But if we all – but then why is our future limitless? There's plenty of super religious people that are like, I'm still fucking poor.

Yeah. There's plenty of religious people that are homeless. Right. That are on crack. That's most – most of the people in the world are religious and most of the people in the world are poor. It's not working for them. They're just like, hey, my future is limitless, but only after I die because my living future is pretty limited actually. I guess that is true.

There are several limits. Yeah, right. Credit limit. That's pretty low. Food eating limit. There is nothing we as americans can't do can we fly that's kind of that's kind of the definition of limitless yeah right i'll just say the same thing i mean didn't you just say that different yeah there's a biblical verse that i've often read you've never read one biblical verse that's the best is this guy've never read one biblical verse ever. That's the best.

The very best part about all this is that the dupes in the audience don't get that they're being played by this guy. They're being played so hard. You see what he's saying. When he talks about the way he reads it, he's clearly reading it from a teleprompter. This isn't a fucking biblical

verse he's got memorized. This is a guy who is just trying to manipulate the audience to to love him that's it that's all he's doing and they're just like well we gotta vote republican anyway we may as well believe your shit yeah but everybody in the audience is being duped at this point if they believe him. And I want to repeat it again because I think it is so important to what we're trying to achieve right now for our country. It's from 1 John chapter 4.

No one has ever seen God, but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. What the fuck does that even mean? What? What the fuck? I want to listen to that again in us and his love is made complete in us. What the fuck does that even mean? I want to listen to that again because I seriously don't know what it means. No one has ever seen God.

Okay, I'm there with you. No one has ever seen God. Well, that's not the Bible. People have seen God, though. Didn't Noah see God? Well, am I wrong? Didn't Noah go up there and they had a fucking shit didn't moses see him that's why he fucking was all like all fucked up in the place all goofy looking fucking beard is all crooked fucking yeah he kind of walked a little crooked he like went up the

mountain and they had a fucking little tit there didn't they fucking yeah god went balls deep in his mouth that's what i thought happened what i don't know yeah moses is moses is filleting god a little like that you know yeah probably you'd take it get it all over his chin it's big hairy 40 year old beard 40 40 year beard because you've been walking around for 40 years in the desert that's maybe you bring your fucking razor man you got a fucking you sandblast that shit off your face you got a mock zero it's a stone you just roll it over your face until it hurts it's like oh this isn't really doing anything it's just an old river rock it's not even sharp no i mean you're just rolling on your head that's chafe your fucking skin away. That's not pleasurable. But if we love one another, God lives in us, and his love is made complete in us.

Okay, so if we love one another, God lives in us. And his love is complete in us. I think they're saying God goes balls deep in you. That's what I think they're saying. That's it. He completes in us. I'm saying his entire shaft is in you at a certain point. I think they're saying God goes balls deep. That's what I think they're saying. That's it. He completes in us. I'm saying his entire shaft is in you at a certain point.

I feel like if he's going to complete in us, I'm going to need a tissue or something like that. I just thought he was wearing protection. Because I'm not on anything. He's got to do that. That fucker will impregnate anyone. No kidding, right? He's got to do that fucking weird waddle walk to the bathroom to get cleaned up. You don't want to drip it on the carpet.

That's fine. So true. So true. I just read it off the teleprompter. Speaks to my cold black heart. Jeez, your fucking eyes look like pussies, dude. I'm just saying. They look like pussies, i'm just saying they look like pussies man they look like they look like fucking terrifying like horror movie vaginas like you know like like if you're watching a movie where where somebody were to be like a

fucking i don't know like some kind of like evil alien thing and they're like getting ready to sleep with the main character to kill him. Oh, right. And they got, they got up there and they have just a big eye. It would look like his eye.

It would look like his eye down under. That's what it would look like. It is down under their parts in the skirt area. The skirt area. And you're doing like a hand motion, like an, like an obsc-sea motion? I'm kind of doing a tickling on an eye vagina motion.

I don't know what's going on there. It's an eye vagina tickle. I'll tell you what, that's a technique I've not used. Well, you've got to put your whole hand up there. That's why it works. Man. Yeah, it's like you're playing the piano. It's just normal.

Everyone does this. Don't worry. It's fine. It requires a lot of lube, actually. I can feel your heart in here that's how you actually start the heart back up after it's stopped you get in there and then i gotta work my way past your lunch imagine what our country could accomplish if we started working together as one people under one god saluting one flag what the fuck does that mean we already salute well unless except for the people from the south who support

you who salute another flag donald right yeah like all the confederate flag idiots those people then yeah they're saluting a different flag and some of them like david duke with a nazi flag but he's kind of a outlier what is he? Is he really saying like everybody should convert and just be one religion? I mean, he doesn't know what he's saying. I don't think he's saying that. I think he's pandering to an audience that would love it if everybody were Christian. So I think that that's all he's saying. But he's saying like we would do so much better if everybody was the same religion.

But he's pandering. He doesn't believe that. I know he doesn't. No, no, no. Don't get me wrong. Look at his eye vaginas. You can tell he's lying. You doesn't believe that well i know he doesn't but no no don't get me wrong look at his eye vaginas you can tell he's lying you can always trust the eye vagina you look at the one on the left it's leaking a little he's got like that sky he's got those scooby-doo eye vaginas that follow you when you walk around the room close that thing up

jesus looking at me did he douche his eye vaginas this morning? Yeah. Convert the Jews. So this is also from the value. The Values Voter Summit was the best thing that happened this week. Dude, I love a good KYGov, though. I got to admit, I love a good KYGov. Do you think they did that on purpose? I don't know, but I do it on purpose.

And I will say, a little bit of shedding blood never hurt anybody. Oh, no. I guess it did, actually. Not me. That's just a substitute KY, actually. Kentucky Governor Matt Bevin, election of Hillary Clinton may call for shedding of blood of tyrants and patriots. That's a little hyperbole from what he actually says. A little bit, a little bit.

But what he says is awful enough. Somebody asked me yesterday, I did an interview, and they said, do you think it's possible, if Hillary Clinton were to win the election, do you think it's possible that we'll be able to survive? Would we ever be able to recover as a nation? No. No. No, if she wins the election. What she's going to do is just shoot all the nukes at ourselves. They're all going to go straight in the air

and then fall straight back down on us. Just like fucking hillbillies shooting guns in the air. Seriously? Woo-hoo! What could possibly happen other than a nuclear war that would make it so... We would never survive. She's going to cancel money, and then she's going to... I don't know!

I mean, she's just going to be like, okay, we're going to get smallpox. I don't know. She's just going to fucking spray vagina juice on everybody? What are they afraid of? What are they afraid of? What are they afraid of? That's different than Jamba Juice. Vagina juice is very different. Squirting is just peeing.

Squirting is just peeing. I've only gone in there once. Twice. But it was just to make sure I didn't like it. And while there are people who have stood on this stage and said we would not i would beg to differ but i will tell you this i would beg to differ that we would be okay he's saying that we will recover okay but then he's going to tell us how awful that recovery would be real hard it'd be like saying like cecil look you could get burns over 70 of your body and

survive but it's going to be a living hell it's going to be a living hell. It's going to be a living hell. So like a Trump presidency? Not that bad. Okay, all right. Not that bad. I do think it would be possible, but at what price? At what price? Did somebody just woo in the audience?

Somebody's like, yeah, I love what price? That's my favorite price. I'll take door number two. It's a goat. It's always a goat. Can I spin the wheel, Bob bob these fucking hillbillies are thrilled to get the goat they're just like yeah the goat oh that dishwasher is 701 701 i don't know whether to eat it or fuck it what the dishwasher or in what order the roots of the tree of liberty are watered by what? Water.

Water. Sprinkler system. The Mexican gardener. I think that's it. The Mexican gardener. Jose. Yeah, it's Jose. It's actually good. Jose. It's Jose. Can you see? Cancel the show.

Cancel the show. I don't think it's going to be. I'm still voting for Jose. Can you see? I think we just named this episode. Okay, here we go. The blood of who? The tyrants, to be sure, but who else? Jose.

Poor Jose. I don't like this job. I was going to use Miracle Girl. I pulled eggshells, he didn't everything. No, man, can you't everything. No, man. Can you pay me in cash, man? Oh, shit. So the blood of who, Tom?

The blood of who, he said. I'm still voting Mexicans. I'm going to say the blood of Hillary's long dead vagina her saved her jarred menses her now defunct vagina defunct defunct what

what would happen the patriots the new english like is Tom Brady out there cutting his wrist to feed a tree the tree is fucking evil The New England Patriots? Like, is Tom Brady out there? The fuck did I do? Cutting his wrist to feed a tree? This tree is fucking evil as fuck.

Like fucking the fountain or whatever, you know? Whose blood will be shed? It may be that of those in this room. It might be that of our children and grandchildren. I have nine children. Jesus Christ! Settle down! What are you, fucking Irish?

The most amazing thing about that is somebody fucked him nine times. It breaks my heart. That you got fucked nine times. It breaks your wife's heart and her vagina. To think that it might be their blood that is needed to redeem something, to reclaim something that we, through our apathy and our indifference... He's going to cry! He's going to cry!

He's got the big sense! Oh, my God! Look at his face! Jesus, in his head right now, Adele is singing. That's how... Have given away. Oh, no! Oh, no, big guy.

Somebody hug him. Gary Busey said recently that Donald Trump would make a great president. Of course, he said the same thing about an old rusty bird cage he found. So, Cecil, more value voters summit? Or values voter? Values voter? Value voters? Values voter. More more than one value only one voter summit i got that i got a little mixed anyway it's funny because they're mostly single issue voters anyway right so this is trump still fucking yammering this time about

uh scalia he's the fucking corpse of scalia if trump comes back though scalia is going to be back in the supreme court that he'll put him back in put him back in yeah that fat fucking blob would need a lot of people to control him though he's like one of those really complex puppets they had on the fucking muppet show back in the day where they're like six people in there it's like a whole fucking team of hensons it's on the fucking Muppet Show back in the day where they had like six people in there. It's like a whole fucking team of Hensons. It's like the fucking Henson brothers. One of them checking the other end of the boards. So here's Trump. Earlier this year we lost the great justice Antonin Scalia.

I know because someone just told me right before I did this speech. The next president will not only have to fill this seat, but as many as four others. Four others? What are you, somebody going to go in there with a gun? But he doubles down on it. This is my favorite because he goes, four others, they let the clip play. It could even be, I mean, we could end up with a total of five judges by one president. It would be record setting.

Probably be three. Could be four. Could even be five. Wait, it was four. Then five. Now it's three. He has literally no idea how many justices there even are. You remember in the Holy Grail when they were pulling the pin for the hand grenade and he keeps messing up and saying –

I know, right? Five. Three, sir. Three. It could technically be between one and nine. Sure. Yeah. It's not going to be four.

Who are we kidding? These people are like, you know, they're in fucking a stasis queue. Are you kidding? They don't get it. They only get let out of the star chamber to vote once in a while. And you pick the wrong people. You have a country that is no longer your country it will be a disaster no it's still why would it be who would it be you know even if they put like fucking four rabid right-wing people what about if it was four maybe five possibly three definitely one rabid right-wing people on that court.

It's still my country. It's still my country. I just disagree with all of their rulings. Right. I would be unhappy. I'd be very unhappy. With the country. Yeah. But to say it's not your country anymore.

Yeah, it's still mine. One of the most important issues, frankly, other than maybe defense, because we're going to build up our military. It's so depleted. It's so depleted. What are you talking about? We're going to build up our military. It's so depleted. It's so depleted? What are you talking about we're going to build up our military? We spend a gurgle jillion dollars. Did you see how much

applause he got, though? I know. They're just like, we've got to buy more guns. They love that. I know. They're really worried about it. We're going to take care of our vets. Take care of our vets. Well... Well, probably not, because the Republicans keep not doing it. We'll make more vets well no probably not because the republicans keep not doing it we'll make more vets does that take care of it well we'll just go we'll just go adventuring across the world

and see how many brown people we can shoot is that the same thing is there anybody's oil we can take i don't know you look brown and poor maybe we'll shoot you with a humvee no we don't care about the brown and poor people we care about the brown people who don't know the wealth of their oil. Oh, you're right. That's who you care about. We're going to protect your Second Amendment. So many things. So many things.

I'm not going to name all the things that I'm going to do. I'll just do so many of them. I'm just going to name three of them. That's it. Three. Vats, military, Second Amendment. Three, maybe five, possibly four. I will just say all three have to do with guns.

Right. But one of the most important, some people think it's actually the most important, is the filling of the seats, United States Supreme Court. You see what's happening right now. Essentially, it's four and four. And you see what, how bad it is. How bad is it?

Well, the country's blown up. We're out of food. Did you notice? Jesus. No, I didn't notice because we ordered from Grubhub earlier. It was here in record time. Yeah, but we had burritos and they were Mexican. Oh, that's true.

We had E. coli burritos. And now America is Mexico. It's not our country anymore. It's now Mexico. It was delicious, though. I'm kind of for it actually i'm good yeah if the if the turning over of my country into mexico means everything looks the same and i get more burritos we're going to pick great judges i've already put a list of 11

federalist society highly recommended got uniform great reviews on these 11 people. On Yelp, they were great. On Yelp, they loved them. They loved them. I went, I googled I googled really great judges, the very best judges, good judges that I like. I went to the federal judge section at TripAdvisor and I picked

the number one judges, the top judges that they had on TripAdvisor. I watched. I looked in Pornhub, and I was looking for judge porn, and I sorted that by most popular. I bet there's judge porn. I kind of like the idea that don't send us judge porn, please. We're going to get so much judge porn. It'd be awesome if it was just a voice judging people.

There's that, too. That would actually be really funny. That would that too. That would actually be really funny. That would be really funny. Like where they're just criticizing technique. That's not going to work. That's too much saliva. No, that's pee. That's pee.

You hit the bladder, not the G-spot. And we are going to put truly great people. Maybe the best. Maybe the best people. Maybe the best people. It. Maybe the best. Maybe the best people. It could be the best. We use Judge Scalia as the ultimate example of what we're looking for.

What, a dead guy? I would actually prefer someone with a pulse down. Is there somebody bloated and unilateral we can pick? You can't find a guy who votes single straight on all issues and is alive. Is that possible?

We're looking for somebody who's not real thoughtful. You know, we're really trying to look for a Scalia type. I'm looking for somebody who can't pronounce nuance. That's what I'm looking for. I hear David Duke is free. Okay. Okay. This will determine whether or not we remain a constitutional republic, frankly.

That's what's going to happen. What? We won't – What is that up – is that up on – is somebody suing about that? The Supreme Court is going to get up there. The Supreme Court is going to hear a case to be like whether or not we should follow the Constitution. The Supreme Court, if they rule no but they are created by the constitution do they just voip out of existence they vote themselves have a job like all of a sudden they just start fading like fucking marty mcfly from back to the

future like no don't fuck your grandma you know like or maybe it's like the end of fucking it's a wonderful life right and there's never been a Supreme Court. And Ruth Bader Ginsburg's been the librarian the whole time. And decisions were yours and they were yours and they were yours. Every time a gavel bangs, justice gets his robes. gets his robes. I have pledged to appoint judges who will uphold the Constitution to protect your religious liberty

and apply the law as written. Look at him just posture. He looks like a chubby parrot. Everybody thinks they do that, dude. Apply the law as written. Every single one of those people reads the thing and then applies the law as they think it's written because their job is to interpret it and that's how words word that's just how it is that's how it is like if

if it were that cut and dry we wouldn't need a supreme court at all that's exactly it right because what they're determining is the constitutionality of these cases. Yeah. If it was so cut and dry that it was fucking self-evident, then it would be an unnecessary position. So clearly, there is interpretation required. Yeah. But these guys couch the argument

as if it's like, well, we just, all you gotta do is read what it says and then do the thing it says. Really? No. Then why do i need fucking nine people for this why do i need nine people that fucking have to go to the star chamber that are essentially fucking they're there for life right we don't need them if that's the case if it's just fucking if it's as simple as reading it all you need to do is be a fucking as educated as trump come on you need a little better education that's true look at his

shirt it's clearly pinching his fucking fat fucking throat look at does that have a fucking he's got like a fucking turkey wall does he walk around walk around walk around walk around walk goes with his pussy eyes he's got pussy eyes it's like kind of like an upside down it's an upside down woman a pussy eyes and then the pregnant stomach. Oh, jeez, man. No, but like after she deflated after she gave birth. You know what I mean?

Like one of those. Oh, God, you're a monster. No, like it's like. No, you are a monster. No, like when they have stretchy skin. After she deflated. Where they have stretchy skin. Where like they shit the kid out.

I can't. And then they have. I don't want to talk to you anymore. They're like a balloon that sort of like goes down. Why are you still talking? I don't want to talk to you anymore. They're like a balloon. Why are you still talking? We reject judges who rewrite the Constitution to impose their own personal views on 300 million plus Americans.

We're going to have that. That's what we pay them to do. That's what they fucking got hired for. Seriously, man. Does this guy not know all this works? No. He fucking clearly doesn't care. He's just saying things that make these people applaud you know that that's true all he's doing is saying things that make the yokels fucking different you think tom if they

if after hobby lobby there was a a bunch of landmark decisions that were all sort of against the four minority. Do you think like, what do you mean? So like gay marriage comes up, it gets shot down. Don't ask. Oh yeah.

It'd be totally different. Do you think that they would have the same attitude? Cause I mean, they kind of hit it out of the park with hobby lobby, right? Like they kind of like went, they, they, that was a fucking amazing for them.

Hobby lobby was a great decision. Yeah. They love that. Yeah. Um, and then they started being like, Oh, but gay people are people. Oh, the fuck. And then then they started being like, oh, but gay people are people.

Oh, da fuck? And then it started going downhill from there. But they won on the Second Amendment vote that came up. Guns everywhere now, because it shot down the handgun ban in Chicago and the handgun ban in D.C. So what they don't seem to understand is it's a win-some-lose-some.

Sometimes the conservatives get the vote. There's a swing vote on there. Sometimes the decision leans conservative. Sometimes the decision leans less conservative, leans more liberal. That's the nature of this program. That just is the nature of this program. There are some judges you can reliably count on. They're going to come down on a conservative side,

but some of them swing back and forth, which is why you have, in the same set 09, you have decisions that lean conservative and some that lean liberal. They just focus on this shit because it gets their fucking base riled up. I've made public a list of judges, as I said, that will guide my selection process. Hillary Clinton has refused to provide such a list.

And we brought it up. Let's see your list. You ever saw the list? You would walk out of here not feeling very well. How do you know you haven't seen the list? He just said there wasn't one. Dave, you seen the list? There's no list.

If you saw the list, you'd be upset about the list. You haven't. He doesn't know. I fucking hate this guy. Because she knows the extremist judges she would pick would be rejected by the overwhelming majority of the American public. They'd be rejected. Well, that doesn't matter whether they're rejected by the fucking American public. They're hers to pick. They're hers to pick, and it's fucking not up to the public.

It's up to fucking the legislative branch to decide. All they have to – they have to confirm. The executive branch chooses, and then the legislative branch confirms. There's a reason this is not up for public vote because we decided that we don't want these to be – that's why they're lifetime appointments too. He's making this case like, well you know hillary's going to appoint this fucking radical who's to say that if hillary gets in office let's say hillary gets in office because that's the assumption that we're fucking riding on right is that hillary's in office who's to say that it's not a fucking republican controlled house and senate still

right and she can't get anyone confirmed can't get anyone confirmed well i think eventually you're eventually going to have to but she'll But she's going to have to go. She's going to have to go right. She's going to have to lean right. She can't go with fucking Mao Zedong or whatever she was going to go with. She's got to go with fucking somebody a little more to the right. Like Mao Zedong's son or something. Kim Jong-un.

Clinton's judicial picks would allow her to completely take over American health care, the American economy, and Americans' religious liberty. Not to mention your Second Amendment, which is on very thin ice right now, as you know, because of the fact that we're at four or four. If they even pick one judge who's wrong you can probably as you know it you can kiss the second amendment goodbye why what it's an amendment yeah the judges can't yeah they can't just look at the constitution what do you want to get rid of today guys it's not like they're ordering fucking food they don't they don't it's not like like welcome to the

supreme court here's a giant red felt marker Strike out the things you don't like. They hand you the original Constitution and a fucking Sharpie. They're making paper airplanes out of it, throwing it across the way. Oh, yeah, we give a fuck. We don't care. What am I asking this thing? Purr purr. Podcasters. They live in squalor, destitute, and disenfranchised.

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from the Values More Than One Value Voter Summit. This is Louie Gohmert. I fucking love some Gohmert, dude. This guy is amazing. I seriously... Gohmert. He doesn't seem like the type of person who could pass the IQ test to figure out how to open a box at Twinkies.

I know, right? He is – he does – it is astonishing that this guy is a representative in Congress. Yeah. That his job – his job. That's your job is to represent other people. It's to govern. Right?, is to represent other people. It's to govern. Right? He is a leader of people.

So there are people standing behind Louie Gohmert and be like, that guy's brain smart. He does some smart words. Look at him. That guy with his – He has my values. He got – Value. Values.

I'm a voter with the values. Do I have multiple ones? I don't know. Which one is it? Here he is, with the values. Do I have multiple ones? I don't know. Which one is it? Here he is, Gomer. Can I get it back? I need it Wednesday. So going back to 07, we lost the majority.

I can't. I seriously can't. I can't. I know. Do you have to? I can't. You have to. It's two minutes and 17 seconds.

Just fucking grit your teeth and suffer through it. And the new majority democrats were pushing something called hate crimes nobody's pushing hate crimes nobody's like somebody's standing in a trench coat like stay buddy you want to buy hate crimes buy hate crime hey here you go spray a swastika on a jew and i could see as clearly as i can see you where this was going black people walking around not afraid of their lives i gay people hugging and holding hands am i supposed to believe that louis gomert was prescient yeah right louis gomert would have us believe he's like

i understood ahead of time. Motherfucker, you don't understand in post. I know. With hindsight, you still don't get it. I would sooner believe there's a puff the magic dragon. Do you know that phrase, hindsight is 20-20? For Louie Gohmert, hindsight still needs bifocal. And we were told, no, this will never affect churches. It'll never affect Christians.

I'm going, you know, because Christianity, we know, is a religion of love, unlike any other religion. The only one that's a religion of love. The very best part of that is the sort of implicit, like, religion is that has no love no love every other religion is awful yeah they're all that's it christianity is a religion of love so we're being hatefully intolerant unlike every other religion more loving than when the buddhists are like chanting stuff amazing you know and jesus himself said greater love than no one than this is a man lay down his life for his friends. And that's what he did. What did he just say?

What did he just say? It sounds like you just asked a Cajun for directions. It's like, where's your version of down to McDonald's? Take a ride. A little coon dog. Like, okay. Wait, rewind that. What did he just say?

What Jesus himself? Because here's what I think he said. What did he just say? What? Jesus himself. Because here's what I think he said. He faced out some mouth words there for a second. I think he just said, as Jesus Christ once said, He's the guy off Waterboy who makes that speech. Everybody's like, yeah. Right? That's amazing.

Here we go. What happened? You know, and Jesus himself said, greater love and no one than this. And that's what he did. What? I don't know what he said. You know, and Jesus himself said, greater love and no one than this. And a man laid down his life for his friend.

And that's what he did. jesus christ what a mush mouth moron jesus christ that's fucking amazing i can't understand what he said i don't know

i really don't I really don't. I'm going to try it one more time. I'm going to be serious. I'm going to try it one more time. Be real serious. You know, and Jesus himself said, greater love than no one than this. And a man laid down his life for his friends. And that's what he did.

I don't know. In the middle, in the middle, he just starts syllable-ing. He said, Jesus Christ once said, man, laid eyes, that's what he did. He's like, how the fuck did that happen? It's the only person I've ever seen that time traveled through his own speech. Like he quantum, he fucking quantum leaped that sentence. And he was everybody's confused looking around. Like he starts the sentence and then wakes up in his body later on still rambling.

He's like, what the fuck? And yet, after all the belittling I've gotten. Oh, completely undeserved. Completely undeserved, Louie. Oh, poor Louie Gomez got those sad feelings. And then going back then, oh, you want to stand in the way of hate crimes? Yeah, I want to stand in the way of hate crimes. I oppose hate crimes.

Seriously, he's like, yeah, just so you know, that's why I was against that. I was against opposing hate crimes. This will stop all this hatefulness. No, it's going to be used against Christians. Let's stop it now. And Republicans going, Louis, you're really overreacting. Hate crime is a high bar to cross. A hate crime takes a lot of work.

That's a high bar to cross, yeah. So you really have to do some sort of despicable shit. Regardless of whether or not you hate the person, you still have to do some despicable shit. We're still allowed to hate. We can hate whoever you want. Whatever you want. Yeah.

Yeah. There's no crime. Yeah. Called. I'm being a judge. Yeah. Prick. Or yeah.

There's war. I've fucking entered your mind and I know what you're thinking. Right. That's another thing, right? Like you can always just keep your fucking bigot thoughts to yourself. Oh, that's fucking, you know, didn't fucking Bambi's mom say some shit about that a long time ago keep your fucking hateful thoughts yeah no that's it yeah i remember that deer is that deer is thumper's mom i don't know one of the fuck which one's dead one of the ones that died in the forest fire when i died in the forest

fire is the one's mom so did one die is that how they die? I hope so. God, I hope so. That would be amazing. That's a fucking amazing children's story. That would be amazing. My mom got cooked. Oh, come on. They're just meat foods anyway. That's true. I think if you're prosecuted for a hate crime, you had to have committed a hate crime.

So the fact that you're a fucking Christian doesn't really mean anything, right? It'd be like, well, I knew they would use this against people with mustaches. Yeah, exactly. Well, fucking yeah. If people with mustaches fucking drag gay people behind a truck. Yeah. Then it's going to be used against people with mustaches. It's exactly true. Right. It's the idea is, is that he he's coming off with this idea like, oh, well, they're they're just going to persecute us for being just Christians. No, no, no. But if you commit a hate crime, like you beat up a gay person, you can't use the fact that you did it because you're totes a Christian as an

excuse for it. Right. Yeah. Let me tell you something, Alan. If America continues to reject the mercy of the Christian cross, America will live under the tyranny of the Islamic sword. This is Rick Joyner.

will live under the tyranny of the Islamic sword. This is Rick Joyner. There is much more freedom of religion in Russia than there is in America. We no longer have freedom of religion in America. We no longer have freedom of speech in America. We no longer have functional microphones in America. I love it when people are like, they don't want to hear me talk they don't want they want to stop me from talking we don't have freedom of speech but you're talking right now having us come fucking you're using a microphone broadcasting your voice we can hear you yeah i

can hear you tell me you can't speak it's like it's like a fucking little kid like covering their eyes like you can't see me yeah i can fucking see you i didn't go blind just because you covered your eyes i did go celibate because you were born though we have some freedom of religion depends on what religion you're in and even in christian, there's still some freedom there, but we're losing them almost by the day. And there's some freedom of speech, but we're losing it almost by the day. I thought he said that there wasn't freedom of speech.

No, we're out, but we have a little, but it's getting a little bit less. So it's like when you're driving and that light comes on in the car, it's just filled up with gas. Right, yeah. And then I drive it until it dies out. And then I call AAA. I just filled up with gas. Right. Yeah. And then I drive it until it dies. And then I call triple a.

I need another gallon of gas guys. You keep calling. You call every day. We only get one gallon at a time. What we can say, what we can do. A child can curse, use any word.

The most horrendous vulgarity in school. What? No, they can't teachers. I have have kids in school if they curse in school if my little boy my little boy even goes to montessori school they have no rules it's fucking anarchy yeah it's fucking it's like oh it's nap time again fine i don't know i didn't learn anything all day i just ate a hamster like that's it like they don't they don't care i'm i don't even think they're gonna learn to read before they graduate like he goes to montessori school if he was like hey man fuck the teacher they'd be like i would get a call i would get a call about that because the teacher would cry into her fucking chakra beads or whatever she's dabbing in tears with her yoga mat. She's just dabbing the side of her face.

You made my crystal sad. I'd have to have a patchouli-scented meeting. She comes in and she wants to make sure that everybody gets a hug in first. Everybody's got a hug. We've got to hug this out. Your son's not going to be able to go to the Big Fish concert. No Burning Man field trip for you. And suffer no penalty, no punishment, no repercussions,

but let them use the name of Jesus in any way that it is, in cursing, using it as a curse, and they will be suspended or expelled. In no school ever. That's why you're pausing because this has never happened one time ever in all the history of the world. It's awesome because first off, one, he's a guy who believes that curses are a thing. That's like number one. Avada Kedavra. There's a guy on the radio who thinks a curse is a thing.

But then he's bumbling through it saying they can say jesus but only if they're like jesus christ right yeah right that's the only way because again again i said my son if he was just walked in and was like well time for math and he was like jesus christ i'm sure i would get that call too yeah doesn't matter Again, of all the things that never happened, this one happened the least. Right. This one, the more much didn't happen, the best. So for this week in David Icke's The Biggest Secret. This is the best chapter we've ever read.

So fucking short. I know. There's really not a lot to it. It was amazing. I only have two questions, Tom. Do you only have two? Two questions. Okay, so why don't you go first?

Short and sweet, just the way I likes it. Go first, buddy. The only way I can deliver it. Cecil, people like to get fucked up and take drugs. We know this because, well, drugs. The Brotherhood uses this to their advantage. How? A. By using drugs to control societies to take them over,

but which they already control, which is confusing and seems counterproductive and redundant all at the same time. B. By selling tie-dyed t-shirts, the intergalactic symbol of having just completely given up. C, by taking mushrooms and changing their skin colors to freak out the squares, man. And D, since licking toads is reptilian incest they had to travel to earth to party i think it's a it's a it's a i don't know how you get these you're

i'm fucking batting a thousand how does one become a drug courier for the u.s government a donate a certain dollar amount to the Democratic Party. Too soon. B, know a guy who knows a guy who knows David Icke. Possible. C, score high on the THC standardized testing. That's good. Or D, cold calls to certain bloodlines, but not too cold because the applicant gets sluggish.

The applicants get sluggish. I like that one. That's great. It's that one. It's that one. It is that one. The applicants get sluggish. No, the cold calls. They essentially just like – you just get called by some government agent who wants you to be a drug carrier.

That's what he says. That's how it works. One of his friends, one of his random friends had gotten called and called and they said well why did you call me why did you pick me and david david ike says the guy on the end of the phone said well we know your bloodline that's why we called you that's that's how we know i can't i can't it's because somebody cecil somebody told me like this what any he believes everything it was Mottwa. It was Credo on the other side. Fucking Credo Mottwa on the other side of that call. Who's that guy on the other side of the glory hole?

It's Credo. All right, Tom. Who bought the tears painting? A, Hitler. It's always Hitler. Pretty much always Hitler hitler b someone fancy c henry temple who became barren temple of mount temple and who originated from templar that's actually in the book why this matters is anyone's fucking guess but this is really

truly what he fucking wrote or d not the jews again it's not the jews it's temple the templars that really that's that's copy yeah yeah i straight wrote that from the book yep yep harry henry temple who became barren temple of mount temple and who originated from templar are you kidding me oh god it's smurfy. At this point, it's fucking Smurfy. It's fucking Smurf-tastic. Tom, how did the CIA smuggle drugs into the country during the Vietnam War? A, by feeding it to and then distilling the tears of those anti-war pansies. B, in dead soldiers' corpses.

C, in the Millennium Falcon's hidden cargo hold. Oh, my God. Or D, an illegal crack pipeline through an ancient burial ground. I like crack pipeline. Even though I know it's the corpses, I am going with crack pipeline. Crack pipeline. Because that's amazing. It's not.

It's the corpses. It's amazing. It's Corpsey McCorperson. We started a war so we could stuff the people, the fucking corpses full of drugs. Do the CIA agents have to go through customs? It's even easier than that, though. The military doesn't go to regular airports. Like, it's not like I don't fly a C-130 in the fucking O'Hare airport.

It's not like you have to go see a customs agent to take a look at your casket. Fly over in my fucking fancy airplane load it full of drugs flat and just unload the drugs i don't have to sew them in corpses it just makes the drugs taste weird you're like smelly man this is a fucking corpsey fucking cocaine you got here what's going actually it was heroin this tastes like dead heroes it's all here all right so here we go here we go this is my synopsis, Tom, and then we're done with this. It was a very short, very short chapter. Say no to drugs.

That's how they control you. No, really. That's the whole chapter. This chapter made no sense at all. Well, he just, I mean, there was a little bit of naming stuff, but essentially it was just him saying, here's how heroin works and here's what happened back in the day when they had heroin yeah and i was like okay cool story bro for the most part he doesn't even tie it into the brotherhood of the lizards for a long time with

anything okay it's like my painting question at one point he's just like and then this guy bought a painting and that's the whole sentence and you're just like and there's no follow-up about why I care about the painting. I don't even know what the painting is. Why do I care about the book? Oh, I don't know. You picked it. I did. I did.

Son of a whore. I was in league with Credo. Ah, Credo. All right. So next time we'll be reading chapter 15 of David Icke's The Biggest Secret. And you can play along at the home game and be really depressed just like us. You want answers? I think I'm entitled.

You want answers. I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. So Cecil, this is amazing. This is Steve Quayle. Louisiana flooding was the work of a weather weapon. Hey, guess what show he was on. Guess the show. David Icke's show he was on? Guess what show?

David Icke Show? End Times Radio, Jim Baker. Yay! Could have been David Icke Show. Could have been David Icke Show. All right, so this is a quail. The people who deliver the goods to the stores, the truckers are the best source of intel for what's going on and what's going on. Here's what they say.

Right, the truckers are the best source of the best because everybody talks to the truckers yeah i brought your stuff yeah great unload it yeah i'm gonna go do some other stuff it's amazing that like he thinks that what it's not like they're just standing around and people just talk about like classified shit. I know. Right. Like, hey, I brought your goods and services in my truck. Oh, great. By the way, have you seen my classified documents about my. Yeah. By the way, just so you know, there's going to be a nuclear war in the next 45 seconds. Is your truck lot lead lined? It wouldn't matter. I'm just curious. The underground bases and the military bunkers and everything,

they're saying those who have government contracts are running stuff night and day. And someday we'll talk about the vast underground highway that was built during the Cold War years that's 400 yards wide. But someday we'll talk about it. But now I'll just allude to this imaginary underground highway. If there is, who cares? There was a lot of shit built there. Wouldn't you be upset about it?

But I mean like – I'd be upset about it because it could alleviate traffic. I saw a – maybe it was a Modern Marvels on the History Channel about a place in Washington, D.C. that essentially was a place where they would have gone if there was some shit that went down. Part of the civil defense system. And they showed like the big fucking crazy doors that they still have. It's like a country club or a hotel or something. But in the lower levels of it, it's this fucking crazy.

Yeah, it's a super secret ninja bank vault that lives underground for people. Yeah, the bank vault is like and then they have like fucking all the like bunks and shit and then like an air rebreather circulator thing and then all kinds of like generators. So what? Like fucking back then we thought there might be a nuclear war. Totally prudent actually. Yeah. So who cares if – even if there was, I don't know if there is, but let's just say there is a fucking 400-yard-wide highway, which seems pretty excessive, of somewhere. What do I need that much width for?

That's a lot of girth, right? That's just a lot of girth. That seems uncomfortable. Moving the space shuttle. I don't know. It's fucking underground traffic jam. There's been an apocalypse. There's only like three cars down here. What's the big deal? It's fucking underground traffic jam. There's been an apocalypse. There's only like three cars down here.

What's the big deal? It's full of zombies again. I can change the lanes. The idea that this country is under a famine, a generated famine. It's stupid. It's stupid. You didn't finish that. Absurd.

It's dumb. We create, we pay farmers not to farm. We pay, we subsidize farmers not to farm as a way to control the supply in order to manage costs, so that farmers get paid a good value for their crops. There's not gluts of certain crops in certain years. There's no famine. Famine in America? We're so fat. We're so fat. crops there's not gluts of certain crops in certain years there's no famine famine in america we're so fat we're so fat we're the fattest fucking famine ever a famine there's all these

fucking people in medieval like fucking dead people from fucking medieval europe like i'll fucking show you famine like famine my fucking i ate three of my children. Like a famine? On the way here. Right? Are you kidding me? You can get fucking two Big Macs for five bucks. How is there a famine? Anybody ever read my book, Weather Wars and Unnatural Disasters? Well, thank you all.

Nobody answered. He's like, well, thank you very much for reading my book. It's got a Van de Graaff generator, so you can tell it's scientific. Look at that. Look at the picture of the Van de Graaff generator on the can tell it's scientific. Look at that. Look at the picture of the Van de Graaff generator on the front of it. I took a picture at Spencer's Gifts. That was a book that was so ahead of its time

but it was all designed this. You control the weather, you control the food. You control the food, you control the people. You cut the and this is what's going on in Louisiana. There was a standing wave over Louisiana. That's a weather weapon. And weather weapons are real. And people, they knew it was going to come, but they still stayed.

What are you talking about? Isn't the benefit of having a weather weapon sort of springing it on people on surprise? What is he on about? Who unleashed the weather weapon? To what purpose? Well, to clearly tell people about it i guess why why why why and how do you fucking know about it that's the thing you're just some fucking dude that's david ike right that's the same thing i got a real patriotic dress shirt on i know all

kinds of shit like what are you talking about well yeah exactly he's like oh guess what uh i know about this weather thing, this weather weapon. I'm the only person. I'm the only person who knows about it. Me and the top secret classified government people who run this weapon. We're the only people who know about it. It's this top secret government classified shit that they don't want you to know. But I fucking wrote a whole book about it.

You can buy on Amazon. Why the fuck is Snowden still out of the country right you know what i mean like exactly you know the idea is like snowden fucking if he comes back here it's like yep you're going to jail forever we're also going to stick a hose up your ass and drown you you know what i mean like we're gonna really fuck you up if you come back here well fucking he's got to stay in hiding in other countries so it doesn't get fucking kidnapped and shit and this fucking guy can write a weather weapon book and be fucking scott freefree on the fucking Jim Baker show? Why don't they shoot him with lightning with their weather weapon?

Incidentally, they are selling a year of food, but there's a famine. 90 buckets. But I can buy 90 buckets of slop. I can buy fucking my garbage food in bulk during a famine. 1,096 servings in four 90-day buckets. And that's what's tragic, because

weather weapons are real. Secretary of Defense has said they're real. Congressional appropriations, everything. So what you're watching is a nation under siege. By who? Why? By us, so we could famineize our people. But we can buy our buckets.

I can buy a bucket of food. This is literally the worst famine anyone's ever come up with. Hold on. I absolutely refuse to hear you say bucket of food unless you make the air quotes things. Oh, sorry. Bucket of food. Yeah, there's no more bucket of food as if it's a real food right that's true because that's not a real food it's not yeah just like there's no real weather

weapon even if you shot it with a weather weapon it wouldn't be a food can you imagine how fucking desperate shit would have to get what for you to believe in a weather weapon yeah or eat one of those fucking food buckets are you kidding me rather eat a bum's ass. You open it up, it smells like homeless sex. So we want to thank our most recent patrons, Xavier, Fred, John, the ballinist motherfucker, Tim, Mick, Alex, Ryan, Chris, Matt, Joseph, Krista, Propanek, Propanic? I don't know. We'll go with Propanic.

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one so uh so we want to thank everybody for being a patron. We really do appreciate it. We do have an employee now. Isn't that crazy? So we have to pay them. I know. Keep sending us money. Please help us out. Megan needs the money, guys.

By paying us, you pay her. So please continue to do so. We really do appreciate it. And Megan appreciates it too. Because look, I'm not buying less booze and pizza. Yeah. So if something's got to get cut cut it's not my booze and pizza i wanted to talk a little bit about some of the black lives matter stuff that we've been getting recently um we've sort of been getting comments from people and we've also been getting some uh some twitter

interactions there's a gentleman uh and i use that term loosely, on Twitter who sent us a message a while back saying he was done listening to the show because we thought black people should have rights. And then he was like, he said- That may oversimplify his argument somewhat, but I- Not much. Not much. Not much. But it all fared us. And so then he sent us another message recently after he had sort of vocally quit listening to us. And he listened to another show because he just can't quit us. And he sent us an article about ambulances being blocked by Black Lives Matter protesters in Boston.

And there's a couple of things here. There's tweets from the Massachusetts State Police where they talk about how an ambulance had to get rerouted because there was a trauma, a crash at the end. They had to get this person out, and they had to reroute the ambulance. And then they also have another tweet down here that says numerous other ambulances had to be on scene. We cut the protesters out of restraints, meaning that they were not available when needed elsewhere. So there was a couple of things that happened there. The first is that there weren't enough ambulances to go around because they were needed for this particular protest. And the second thing was the ambulance had to get rerouted and people were arguing that what if it was one of those moments where somebody just needs to get to a hospital and these people have a traffic jam that they've put up. The first thing I want to get out of the way, and I think we talked about this before and

I just want to throw it out there, is that I do think that anybody who breaks the law should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. So if you break the law by blocking traffic, you should be arrested. Protesters know this going in. Protesters understand that they can be arrested. It's the risk they take. So they understand this. I'm totally for anybody and everybody being arrested at that point.

Totally fine with it. However, I'm also fine with this method of protest. I think it's actually a really good way for them to be, in a way, nonviolent. Now, I know people say that it's violence because somebody may wind up in some corner case scenario. Somebody may wind up in an ambulance and be stuck in traffic. up in some corner case scenario. Somebody may wind up in an ambulance and be stuck in traffic. An ambulance has something that we just don't have, which is a dispatch office that can tell them that something like this is even happening.

Right. Right. So we don't have access to that stuff. We have fucking ways or, you know, Google Maps or something. It might show that there's a traffic backup, but we don't have the ability. You know, the first people on the scene for this thing, for the fucking protest, are going to be the cops. And they're going to radio back to the station and say that something is going on. And when something happens like this, they're going to be like, oh, hey, the fucking I-5 or whatever fucking weird road they have out in Boston is – it's fucking closed down.

You can't get on it. I'm sorry. And then they'll find another route because ambulances do this all the time because traffic is a real thing. Traffic happens, period. It is just an inconvenience there's there's traffic jams all the time on the overpasses when the fucking abortion protesters hold up their fucking signs and everybody slows down to look at them and honk or whatever they do yeah they it causes a traffic jam that's the intention of those guys they do it all the time they've been doing it for years yeah they cause traffic snarls and nobody beats up on it.

The Black Lives Matter people do it and it's like, you hate ambulances, you hate puppies and kittens and American freedom. Look at what happens on Lakeshore Drive when there's a fucking ball game. It's fucking backed up forever. So the idea that ambulances can't get around traffic, I think we're not giving them enough credit here, guys. That's what they do for a living. Right. And if we were that, if, if, if we were that at that point where we were saying, look, keeping the flow of traffic open is so essential. It's so essential that, you know, it's, it's potentially life or death. And sometimes maybe it is, but we would stop ball games. Like you said, like we would,

what we would do is we would take other, we would take other things that we know snarl traffic that are less important I think than Black Lives Matter's protests. We would say, OK, well, I mean sorry. We're not going to have any more Cubs games on the north side of the city because it fucks up traffic and somebody could get stuck in that traffic and die. But we're already willing to make certain concessions, right? The point is here we're just somehow not willing to make this concession. Yeah. The other thing that we got too, the other thing that they mentioned too, and this is at the bottom, they said that the ambulances were unseen. These ambulances were unseen so they couldn't be other places. Well, whose fucking fault is it that they didn't hire enough ambulances that day or they didn't call people in from on call?

If there's a big fucking emergency in the city and they don't have enough ambulances, somebody's going to be super pissed. Well, guess what? This is an emergency. So if they need extra ambulances, it's not the fucking protesters' fault that they didn't call people in to fucking work more. Why is it the protesters' fault

that you need ambulances there? That's just a ridiculous thing to even say. That's a stupid argument. And I give that no credit whatsoever like that is just silly so we are we are part of a brand new charity drive tom and it's super exciting it is i i can't wait we're uh we're teaming up with the guys at scathing atheist gam skeptocrat occasionally held the same crew i know yeah i know but we're teaming up with them three times no no that's anyway it's a single

time is it a threesome with the three of them no that sounds awful how are you doing heath i call how i was gonna say i call heath god damn it fine i'll fucking break noah in half i'll discard him like a used tissue oh so we are we are double teaming the skating atheist guys uh to do this vulgarity for charity event we're really excited about it they did one uh not too long ago and they were foolish enough to ask if we would like to do uh this next event with them and we're real pumped about it we're gonna be raising some money for an organization that i think we're both very excited about. Yeah, we're going to be raising money for Modest Needs. And so Modest Needs is one of those, what I think is a really great crowdfunding site. Unlike Kickstarter, which doesn't vet people, Modest Needs vets the people that they're

giving money to, and the money never actually enters the hands of the people who are asking for the money. So people go to Modest Needs and say, hey, I need help with my heating bill or I need help with my car payment. Well, the money goes from your hands to Modest Needs. Modest Needs then pays out whatever bill it is that they need paid. And they do all the vetting for you. So it's not one of those Kickstarters where you're not sure whether or not the person

is in dire need. Could be going to Nigerian Prince. You have no idea. You could be going to nigerian prince no you have no idea but instead these people are in in some in some need and they need some help so all you have to do is go to modest needs on the right hand side of the page on the top it says donate now uh you can look through all the stories find someone you want to help donate if you donate 20 bucks send an email and an image of your donation to Vulgarity for Charity. That's the word for, and it's all one word. So vulgarityforcharity at gmail.com.

You send us an email, and what we'll do is we'll take your $20. You write in who you want us to insult, and during two shows, there's going to be two shows, one on ours and one one on The Scathing Atheist where we read off the insults for the people you want us to insult. So all you have to do is just say, hey, I would like my cousin Bill to be insulted. Include a few vital details about Bill. Maybe a picture. If you want us to insult Donald Trump or

say Thomas Smith from Atheistically Speaking. Or David Smalley. Possibly David Smalley. Maybe Andrew Torres. I don't know. We have so many options. I know.alley. Possibly David Smalley, maybe Andrew Torres. I don't know. We have so many options. I know, yeah. One of those three people. All three of those people at the same time?

But if you want us to insult someone, all you have to do is include that. And then for $20, we'll read an insult out for you on the air. If you donate $50, there's a group of celebrity roasters that will be giving, doling out insults. Your name, if you donate 50 bucks, will be put in a drawing. And there's a possibility someone, one of the celebrities, the atheist celebrities that we find to do this, will be able to roast someone for you. That stuff's going to be solidified within the next week. So we'll know more soon about who exactly we're going to be getting, but we're super excited about that. So if you would like to donate, all you have to do is go to modestneeds.org, donate to someone, send us

proof at Vulgarity for Charity and who you want us to insult, and we're ready to roast some folks. The other good thing is that our podcast is going to be giving money to Modest Needs as well. So Modest Needs helps these people, but Modest Needs, the organization, needs some funds. So for the first $3,000 that we can collate, first $3,000 worth of donations to individuals that we get at Vulgarity for Charity, we will donate up to $3,000 to the Modest Needs organization. So you're helping out. If you get your money in early, you're actually helping out Modest Needs as well as helping out a family at the same time.

Yeah, I'm super pumped. I really am. I'm super pumped about this charity drive. I think it's going to be a lot of fun. I think it will generate some ridiculous show, which is always good. And anytime that we can be rude for money, I feel like I'm right in my wheelhouse. I think it's going to be a lot of fun. I think it will generate some ridiculous show, which is always good. And any time that we can be rude for money, I feel like I'm right in my wheelhouse. I feel like that's where I belong.

And who better to team up with than one of the most vulgar sets of people other than us in podcasting, the Scathing Atheist crew? It's a fucking unbelievable typhoon of awful. So send us pictures of your mom, you know, whoever you don't like, and we'll just fucking break that shit. Tom's mom, whatever. It doesn't matter. Like I said, anybody awful. Anybody just awful.

We got a message. It's amazing. It's a video. This is from Gordon, and it's Westboro Mingle. We're going to put the video on our page. It's so funny. It is.

It's great. It is really really and it's short and funny and clever. Just go to episode 316 to check it out. It's hilarious. We got a message from Jade and Jade sent in a message about Jim Baker

saying a hideous and she says making fun of whoever and it's whoever it's Jim Baker making fun of Jim Baker for saying a hideous when you guys say a food. Tom said earlier, well, at least a food is a noun. I know, right? I'm going to eat a food. I'm going to eat at least a noun, not an adjective.

That's awesome. We got an image, and I'm not going to say anything about this image. This is from Sarah. Sarah sent this image in. I'm going to put it about this image. This is from Sarah. Sarah sent this image in. I'm going to put it on this episode show notes. All I'm going to do is say there's a ghost rescuer. I don't.

And I wonder, I wonder if they neuter the ghosts after they rescue them. Do they rescue and release? I wonder, I don't know. Catch and release the ghost. I don't know. This woman looks like a woman with too many cats. Oh yeah.

Like you just see a picture of her and it's like, you don't have two or three cats. We got a message from derrick and derrick says in the last two podcasts i tried uh to skip ahead and it forwards me back to the beginning of the episode it happened in the last two podcasts they use android uh they they tried it a couple times and it worked and it did it a couple times so if you're having issues with the last two episodes, that would be episode three, 14 and three 15. Let us know, send us an email, uh, dissonance that podcast at gmail.com. Let us know if you're having the same issue where you try to skip forward and it brings you back to the beginning of the podcast. Um, so far, Derek is the only person who mentioned this, but, uh, but I'm curious. Uh, I don't, I don't think I did anything different with these latest files, like compression-wise.

But again, I just wanted to double-check. We got an interesting message from William, and he basically says he thanks us for having Karen Garst on. Karen wrote the book Women Beyond Belief, and she was on last week. And he was saying it's interesting. He's currently a junior in high school, and the student handbook essentially is all rules applied to women. Now, I remember when I went to school, there was no shorts allowed. Yeah, well, we could wear shorts, but they had to be – like your fingertips were the length. Like your fingers down at your side were the length of the shorts.

Okay. So we could wear shorts. Now, that rule applied for boys and girls, but boys don't wear wear short shorts i don't remember being able to wear shorts in school i thought my dad didn't let me wear short i thought that was that was not a thing yeah but the school allowed it but my dad didn't allow it he thought it was inappropriate but essentially he's saying that everything in there is applying to women and i do remember that because i remember there was a lot of women can't do x y and z they can't wear like belly shirts and they can't wear – like back when I went to school, it was like fucking – it was a stone age. So it was fucking – essentially everybody wore the fled Flintstones like singlet thing.

You had to wear your bonnet back in Pilgrim times. Back in the one-room schoolhouse. And if you acted up, they hit you with the buggy whip. So yeah. No, but it's interesting that most of the most of the. Because that's what we police. We police women's sexuality and we shame women's sexuality in their body. But it also it also goes back to what Karen said.

She said women are the brakes. And so that makes sense, too. Right. If women are the brakes on sex, then not exposing them and, you know, them not having, you know. Yeah. But let's be real honest too like the male body is a disgusting functional tool only sure right yeah it's it's just it's a functional utilitarian garbage it's like it's like eating a tube you're like okay i'm gonna eat this

but it's not attractive we are the tube food that's literally what we had a tube food. That's literally what we have. It's a tube food. It's a tube food. We got a message from Tom, and Tom has been a fan for a long time, for a very long time. We just can't quit this guy. Tom sent us a message on Patreon and said he wanted to remind us. We did talk about how we weren't excited about Hillary because Hillary is

kind of just following through with what Obama did did and Obama really didn't do a lot. And essentially he's saying, look, they haven't really had power over the House and the Senate for that time. So they haven't really been able to do a lot. And that's very true. That is very true. I don't want to downplay that yeah tom we got a message from travis who has a great icon which is crow t robot so this is great he says uh just finished listening to episode 315 and remembered a funny story from high school working days working in a small town grocery store in

nebraska when potatoes are transported after harvest they are moved in giant large gauge wire baskets. The potatoes on the sides and bottom, if the baskets are overloaded, get pressed into the cross-hatched wire. This, of course, makes crosses or X's on the potatoes. This, in turn, makes damaged potatoes a lower grade. The owner of the grocery store that I worked at, who I later found out was an atheist, would take these cross potatoes and put them in a special bin that he would wheel out every Sunday morning with either a sign that said cross potatoes or holy spuds or trinity daters. He would sell out of these damaged potatoes at three times the price per pound as the

non-damaged potatoes. That's amazing. That's the funniest shit in the world. That is great. So funny. Don sent us a message and corrected us, and Don is correct. Don, I'm only going to read your first two points on your corrections.

The first is there's no law against carrying a fixed blade knife. There is a statute that gets cited a lot, which bans a lot of stuff, but basically you can still cape a fixed blade knife he's right we heard that from the concealed carry guy who was spouting it off like he knew what he was talking about um also he says there's nothing in concealed carry uh handgun license that limits the number or type of handguns license you can carry um you can carry as many as you can conceal and again

that's terrifying i uh the guy said it as if it were gospel fact right that you could only carry one i looked through the statute myself and i did not see i admittedly just skimmed it but i did not see any uh anything that it limited the amount of guns so i think again don is right so thanks don thanks for the corrections i hope that one guy who asked the question never finds out because that fucking dude will just robocop himself uh this is from christopher and christopher says you guys were discussing how you love cherry garcia so much i would have thought chubby hubby would be more tom's flavor oh right sorry sorry isn't the word i'd use yeah no tom tom has moved on to delicious divorce which is

essentially it's essentially very salty ice cream yeah and at the bottom is a bullet. We got a message from Tommy, and Tommy sent us an image, and I'm not going to talk about it. All I'm going to do is say, it's that fucking paper clip. I love it. So go to this episode's show notes, and you'll be able to see the image.

We talked about this a couple weeks ago, but Patreon just announced it live. It looks like it's for everybody. There is a brand new feature patreon private rss links there's an rss feed we currently have that rss feed if you are a patron and you're looking for that rss feed um you can check the show notes for a couple of the past episodes and there's a way to find it uh you can either check your email or there's a way to sort of dig through um patreon if you go to patreon you can't do it through the app but you

can do it uh through the through the website you can do it through the website itself. I tried it through the app and it didn't work. But you can find it through the website itself. You essentially just take and copy that link. I would get it to your phone somehow, the best way or the device in which you're going to play it. And then you just take your podcast app, whatever it is, and paste that RSS feed in there. And then the RSS feed will just – it will just reproduce. It will just produce itself. It'll just keep on going. So, uh, so every week,

anytime there's a release, you'll get a brand new download directly to your, to your, uh, podcast app and you can download it just like you would any other of your podcasts. And it actually works great. And we were the pioneers here. One of the things that we did was we pushed really, really hard for this. You pushed on the phone. Yeah, we called people on the phone. We wound up doing Skype interviews with them. We sent everybody who complained about it to go leave a feedback. And I feel like we were pioneers in this to try to make sure that this happened for other people too. So we're very happy that everybody else is getting the RSS feed. Thank you all those people in our audience

who went out of your way to talk to Patreon and mention this to them so that they put this into place. Because they do listen. You just got to be a squeaky fucking wheel. And you guys were real squeaky. So thank you very much. We want to remind people

that we will be in both Glasgow and Edinburgh for Skeptics in the Pub meetups on the 17th and 18th of October. On this episode's show notes, we will put links to the Facebook pages, the events where you can go and reserve your spot now to go come hang out with us when we're in Edinburgh. Now, the first night's glasgow so that's the 17th and then the 18th we will be in edinburgh you can come hang out with us have a pint with us chill out with us and uh and we're also probably going to be doing a little bit of q a but we're mostly going to be mingling chilling hanging out just just enjoying the evening and we'd love to hang out with you so please if you're going to be in either of those places on those days, we would love to see you.

Check out this episode's show notes and you can go to the event and join on in. And I do want to put out a request while we're doing that. If there's anybody that is planning to attend that also speaks English, that would be great. We are going to need an yeah or bring a babblefish one or the other i just yeah i know i'm gonna end up just with fucking bowls full of haggis and i'm not i'm not even gonna listen after a certain point i'm just gonna quit listening because it's gonna sound like fucking two chopsticks banging so uh so that's gonna wrap it up for this episode um we will be on dogma debate for a short amount of time.

Say it again. For a short amount of time, not the whole episode. A small amount of time. Not the whole episode. We're going to be on a small amount of time. Dogma debate for a tiny, minuscule amount of time. We're looking forward to that. We're actually recording that tomorrow. We're not sure when it will release, but we'll let you know. So We're looking forward to that. We're actually recording that tomorrow.

We're not sure when it will release, but we'll let you know. So we're pretty excited about that. Pretty soon, hopefully near the end of the month, we'll have Chris Matheson on, author of Story of God. He was nice enough to donate books to us. We're also in talks with JT Eberhardt to come on a little later next month.

So we've got a few people coming up that we're excited to talk to. So we're looking forward to that. But that's going to wrap it up for tonight. And we're going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble toil and trouble, pseudo quasi alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment.

Leo Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques, and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, double-speak stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands.

Bloody. Evidential. Conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families,

or of the local dairy council. Outro Music