Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 318: Phone a Jew

Episode Date: September 29, 2016

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from glory hole studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome at. This is episode 318 of cognitive dissonance and are you going to reformat those links that i just dropped on there no absolutely not

no that should i do i gotta call megan like well i mean who's gonna do this work not me all right fair enough i'm not doing it i'm not doing it obviously i mean you wouldn't even do it right the first time so no now we have somebody else to clean up after my message. I basically make a fucking bam bam in my diaper. Somebody comes along. It's like no matter where you're at, you either need to get cleaned up. Yeah. You need to get put away.

Yeah. Or you left a pile of somewhere. Right. Right. All right. Or I've broken something important that is but i usually hide the pieces i just hide the pieces you are that kind of thing that like like you you're examining the family urn of ashes and you drop it and then they leave the room and

you drop it and then you lift up the, shove it under the corner of the carpet, lay it back down, and there's a lumpy fucking big area in there. And you kind of just stomp on it to try to see to make sure. You're laughing because you know it's true. It's so true. It's so true.

It was like this when I found it. Yeah, exactly. I know you put grandma under the rug. And the thing is, you've done that with everything, including relationships. That's how you live your life. Oh, no, no, no. When I break those, it's obvious.

Humpty Dumpty cannot be put back together again either. We detonated that thing. Oh, shit. That's great. There's nothing subtle about me, Cecil. I've been called a lot of things, and it is not subtle. Oh, shit. That's great. There's nothing subtle about me, Cecil. I've been called a lot of things, and it is not subtle. Oh, gosh. That's demonic, everybody.

It is absolutely demonic. Cecil, guess what time it is. Can you guess? It's Brian Fisher time. Oh, okay. Brian Fisher time. Right-wing watch. There's actually several stories.

Brian Fisher was on a fucking roll this week. There were several Brian Fisher time. Right wing watch. There's actually several stories. Brian Fisher was on a fucking roll this week. There were several Brian Fisher stories. This one, there's no question that Hillary Clinton has opened her life up to demonic influence. Let's go to Joseph, Norman, Oklahoma. Joseph, welcome. What's on your mind? Yes, sir. Last night, me and my family

watched some YouTube videos of Hillary's bizarre behavior during interviews. Yeah. Yeah. I think they're talking about, I don't know. Did you see the Starbucks thing? She kind of does this, like, like somebody, somebody sort of shouts a question at her and she spins her head and kind of does one of these like triple takes. She does like a, a comedic triple take that doesn't look right. It looks goofy, but I think that's just cause she's being goofy. Not cause she's having a stroke or she was also avoiding the question about Elizabethizabeth warren yeah right so like that's

but that's what they're this is what goofing around yeah and this is what he's talking about right yeah she's terrible she's fucking too straight she's too straight to do she did a terrible she's too straight laced to do that and she looked like a fool i mean let's be honest she looked she looked crazy she looked crazy and she's trying to goof around but but but the reporters left you could tell like in the moment you could tell in a moment that the people she was talking to didn't think she was having a fucking weird seizure but people do think that online like that that's that's that's sort of all over very bizarre um what would you um allow the possibility that when she was uh communing with the so-called spirit of Eleanor Roosevelt, that a... No, no, I'm serious. No, I know, and I better know where you're going with this, too.

Go ahead. That a demon possibly has latched onto her because there is other reports of the same type of behavior when a person is possessed that is documented that they act the same way she is acting. What are your thoughts about that? Dude. They act the same way she's acting. What, they run for president? No, they turn their head backwards and they walk down the stairs. That's what they do.

It's just, like, this guy sounds serious. All priests jump out the window. The room gets really cold. They spit pea soup everywhere. They call you a cocksucker. They fuck a crucifixix there's all kinds of stuff they do it's pretty standard stuff pretty much everything she did on the stage when she was debating trump that's the whole that i was gonna say that was her whole debate practice yeah she was part of that freak show that used to go around that was actually just a webcam girl that's the 90s remember with the lollapalooza used to have

that oh yeah yeah yeah people would hang shit from their nipples and like fucking shoot themselves in the fucking balls with a can or whatever. I never understood that shit. It's like, look, I'm gonna hurt myself in front of you. You're like, uh, or don't. That was just, like, that was a bunch of, like, fucking, I don't know, it was, like,

fucking voyeuristic cutters, you know? Yeah, right? Like, I'm just gonna hurt myself. You're like, alright, well, just do that privately. Like, it's okay. I don't need to see it. I don't need to see you fucking hang yourself by a bunch of fish hooks and spin around and fucking eat a bunch of fucking peyote or whatever the fuck you're doing. It was a bunch of people who watched Hellraiser too many times.

Well, you know, Joseph, I really don't have an opinion on that. I think it's certainly possible that there is some kind of demonic influence in her life. I think that's almost inevitable. I love love this i don't have an opinion i'm gonna spout off on my opinion i'm gonna tell you what i think which is a long detailed thing right that's your fucking opinion about the fucking question just go with it also real quick why does he always look like he's got a terrible chemical burn on his face he's his face he's bright red all the time though he's got a terrible chemical burn on his face. That's his face. He's bright red all the time, though. He's not a little bit red.

He's fucking, he is seriously like chemical peel red all the time. Oh, look at him. Look at him right now. That's not a natural shade of pink. That is true. Well, it's not even pink at this point. At this point, you think that he's trying to chase the blood away from his face. He's expired salmon right now.

Given what she's done with her life and the things that she's done, you can open the doorway of your life to demonic presences in a lot of different ways, and a lot of them are things that Hillary Clinton has done. So there's no question from a biblical standpoint that she herself has opened her life up to demonic influence. Now what shape that's going to take, whether these demons that have been invited to attach themselves to her and influence her, whether they would manifest themselves in this particular way.

Demons. Whether these demons, like, so he's not saying that they're manifesting in any special way, but he's definitively saying there's demons. He's saying there's demons in her life that she has definitely opened up the door to demons. This is a human being who really believes in demons, man. Well, that's the worst part

is that he's able to say someone, you know, has demons around them and, you know, like, I mean, I understand we live in a society that doesn't want

to have libel laws like they would in the UK, but I wonder if you could call someone demon-possessed in the UK. I don't know. That's a good question. You certainly can here.

You can get away with it all day here. And this is true. I don't understand how in 2016 I don't understand anybody that believes in actual demons. That is the silliest, craziest shit I've ever heard. Demons. How do they work? I want to understand. How do they work? Are they invisible and just hanging around

and then you go get an abortion and they're like, ah, let me in there. And then they fill the fucking space? You got to catch them with your phone. Is trusting God important? It's the only thing that gets favor from him. He doesn't respond to pain or tears or heartache. He only responds to being believed. This is Jim Baker.

Evidently, Jim Baker had a little chit-chat with the big man upstairs. He had a little talk with God, and God answers when Jim Baker calls because God loves felons. That's why he spends all that time in prison. All right, so this is Jim Baker from the Jim Baker Show. Hold on. Before we even start, how often do you wear a sport coat and a fucking hat well indoors and now i i don't know that i would wear a sport coat and say a like a local team hat but i would certainly wear a sport

coat and a god hat this i gotta i gotta tell the audience hold on jim baker is wearing a sport coat that looks like it is cut from a terry cloth robe it appears it appears to be... It looks like a dish towel. It does. It looks like someone sewed up a bunch of dish towels. Yeah, it really, truly does look like a bunch of fucking rags that are haphazardly sewn together. But it's nonetheless a sport jacket. And then he's got a fucking baseball cap with a cross on it. But it's the fucking bright blue baseball cap

that's specifically chosen to match his sport coat. Who wears a baseball cap with a sport coat? I don't understand what casual this is. Is this Jesus casual? Yeah, but the thing is, when you look like powder, you have to. I said, God, what's going on? He said, hey, y'all, what you doing down there? You got a little lumpy thing on the side of your face.

Oh, that's the microphone. Sorry about that. I thought that was a gross. Just shut up and sell more buckets, Jimmy. Sell more buckets. You sell those buckets. I get a cut now, Jimmy. Don't make me come down there.

I'll send you a flood or something. I said, it looks like Trump's not going to make it the way it's going. And I said, yeah, you're damn right. He doesn't know how to run a campaign. He keeps firing everybody. I send him one person, he fires them. I send him another person, he fires them. I don't know what to do. How would y'all vote for me? Hear that shit he says?

That man's a racist. For a $100 donation or more, plus shipping, by the way, you can join the President's Monthly Club, and that $100 or more gets you a Bible and a President's pin. For a one-year pledge? For a one-year pledge. And that's a $100 donation for one year.

You get a Bible, which you can get free at any Motel 6. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Because the way it's written, it says $100 donation or more plus shipping. You've got to ship the fucking Bible to yourself. That's President's Monthly Club. So is that $100 or more a month? I bet that's a month. I think it's a month.

I've got to drop $1,200 a year just to get a pin? Well, no. You get a pin and a Bible. Do I get them every month? Is it like the Bible of the month club? Would it? King James this month.

Next month I get the fucking... The other one. And then the next one. That NJV one, right? The New Jersey version or whatever. The Jersey Shore version. It's all written in orange. Do you want to know what God said to me? Nothing.

I love that everyone's like, yeah, tell us. Like, who would answer? Who would actually think that God is directly speaking to Jim Baker? And they're like, no, I'm not really interested. I have trouble fucking believing this guy could find his keys in a room. Look at that face. Look at that face. That's the face of a man who lives in a fucking retirement home and lost his way.

And he's like, I don't know where I am. I don't know where I belong. Like the last thing I remember is owning a Model T. He said, you know, the polls could be wrong. Yeah. Well. Yeah. I totally have to

I agree with God on that I agree with God God that woman is such a idiot Look at that thing I hate that woman so much Yeah Stop your feet Three times if you agree with God

Yeah And I said Oh wow look at Brexit That's all I have to say Look at Brexit Three times if you agree with God. Yeah. And I said, Oh, wow. Look at Brexit. That's all I have to say. Look at Brexit. That totally rocks the European world. She is right about that, though.

She is right about that. She is. She is right. I think a lot of people did not expect Brexit to work and happen. And then a bunch of twats had fucking union checks later i said what do you mean god the the polls could be wrong he said the people are in fear in this country the church is in fear which church yeah? Yeah. Yeah, which church? Yeah. Yeah. Her job is just to fucking sit there like a

pile of lumpy Play-Doh and agree with this idiot. Yeah, she's the pile of lumpy Play-Doh Ed McMahon. You are correct, sir. And he said they're afraid to even say that they're voting for Trump. They don't want to tell

anybody. They're afraid. No, it's just that nobody wants to vote for Trump. No,'t want to tell anybody. They're afraid. No, it's just that nobody wants to vote for Trump. No, no, no, no, no. Afraid and ashamed are two totally different things. Those are two totally different things, man. First you're afraid, then you do it anyway, and you're later ashamed. No, I'm not saying I'm right.

I'm just saying this is what happened this week, a few days, a few hours ago. Wait, you don't even know when you last talked this week, a few days, a few hours ago. You don't even know when you last talked to God? A few days, a few hours ago. I think if I'm having a conversation with God, that sort of sticks in the old memory bank. Let's be fair, Tom. Days are actually made of hours. Okay, you got me there. It's technically accurate no matter what. Donald Trump fans are afraid to say they're on his side because they are in fear of the hate mongers.

They're afraid for their lives. No, they are not. Nobody would be afraid for their life. Who is going to hurt a Donald Trump fan? You know, and the other thing, too, is like whenever Donald Trump goes to like all these hillbilly places, he fucking packs the house. Right. So like nobody's afraid of you're just lying. Like you're just you're just fucking lying. Right. Like the only people that that are wishy washy about Trump are the people who are ashamed that they're voting for Trump.

They're ashamed because they were going to vote for somebody else. And that other person isn't in the race anymore. And now they're like, fuck, I don't want the other person to get in which happens to be hillary so like fucking i guess i'll vote for trump but i certainly am not going to tell anyone about it they're party line voters yeah if you're a party line voter just vote on the party line just do it just be like i'm a republican i'm going to vote for the republican candidate happens to be trump he's not my fucking favorite guy but but, you know, I'm a Republican, and that's how I vote.

I mean, and that's it. In the name of Jesus, we speak that. In the name of Jesus, we speak that. Hookah, chaka, hookah, hookah, hookah, chaka. I'm hooked on a feeling. I'm high on believing. This is also from Right Wing Watch, and this is just some fucking Yahoo, some fucking Yahoo talking about his ability to stop tsunamis when it inconveniences his family. Ohio pastor Frank Amedia, that's who this is, and we're going to play him.

You know, Apostle, I think the most amazing encounter I had recently was on March 11, 2011. That's your most amazing recent encounter. Yeah, that's not that recent. Five-year-old encounter. That's a long time ago, actually. You're doing recent very poorly. Many will recall that was the day there was the terrible tsunami in Japan. Thousands of people killed instantly.

It came suddenly. Nobody could prepare for it. I was being very holy. I was sleeping. It was 6.55 a.m. in the morning. What does that mean? I was being very holy. I was sleeping.

Is he kidding? Is that a joke? Is that what passes as a joke? I don't know because he doesn't pause a beat for it to take. Yeah, I don't. I mean, sometimes you mess up though, right? You start to tell a joke and then you just go, you power through it and it's not a joke.

It sounds weird. We call that a Bosnick. Okay. Yeah. Maybe he Bosnicked it. Maybe he did. Okay. Snoring.

My wife stormed into the room and she said, Frank, Frank, our daughter is on an island in Hawaii and the tsunami is going to crash into where she is in five minutes. Apostle, I had no time to prepare. I had no time to put on worship music. I had no time to put on worship music. Well, no, like, you know, when you like, let's say you're running the mile, Tom, and you put on your sort of like workout track, right? Like you get your fucking, you get your Gloria Gaynor going, your I Will Survive is blaring in the background.

How did you know? I actually, I run exclusively to It's Raining Men. How do I know? Yeah. Because how many times have I walked into you masturbating to that song? Okay, that's different than running. I just figured you did it every

time you sweat it. But in any case... That's Crisco. And I caught my whole self in it, thank you. So when you put on your workout track, that's what he does, except for he plays the Newsboys. Oh, okay. Alright. As long as it's the Newsboys. Yeah. The Newsboys?

The Newsboys? Are they going to be on this? We should listen to the Newsboys. I had no time to prayboys? Are they going to be on this? We should listen to the newsboys. I had no time to pray. I stood at the edge of my bed, and I said, in the name of Jesus, I declare that tsunami to stop now. What the fuck is wrong with you? He totally did it, because it didn't mess up Hawaii at all. What the fuck is wrong with this fucking dipshit? And I specifically said, I declare those waters to recede.

And I said, Father, that is my child. I am your child. I'm coming to you now and asking you to preserve her. Thanks, buddy. You're so glad. Everybody's so glad. Everybody who lost somebody in the tsunami in Japan. Well, he's talking about the one in Japan, but there was also that one in, you know,

struck Indonesia and a number of other places. All those people who died in tsunamis in the past 10 years, let's say. More than a quarter million people. All those people, they didn't think of this ahead of time. They didn't have relatives to think of this ahead of time. They just didn't have... And the thing is, tsunami sirens

and shit go off. They know that shit's going to happen, right? They know it's going to like fucking day. They knew in Japan, they knew that shit was going to happen. Nobody over there was holy enough to look over it in a God's face and be like, Jesus, cut that shit out. I tell you to take these waters back. Don't you make me come over there. I like how he treats Jesus like a fucking petulant toddler.

Don't you fucking put that goddamn toy away. Really? Yeah, I thought y'all wanted some water. Are you going to clean your room? Don't do it with water this time. Apostle, it was seen by 400 people on a cliff. It was on YouTube. It was actually on the news that that tsunami stopped 200 feet off of shore.

You're an asshole. You're an asshole. You are an asshole. No, it didn't. You think you stopped a tsunami by telling Jesus to cut that shit out? You're an idiot. You're a fucking moron. You're a monstrous lying shithead. That's the part.

That's more it. I don't think he's an idiot. I think he knows exactly what he's doing. He's lying. He's just lying. He's more it. I don't think he's an idiot. I think he knows exactly what he's doing. He's lying. He's just lying. He's just making it up. Even after having sucked the waters in, it churned and it went on and did devastation in the next island. Did he just say he sent it to the next island?

He did. He said, fuck you. My daughter's more important than other human lives. I am a monster. That is basically what he just said. Oh my God. And God doesn't give a fuck. God's like, oh, I'll kill everybody that doesn't pray.

That's it. God's like, oh, I didn't realize I was a believer down there. One believer in the United States somewhere. Wait, wait, did y'all say believer? Is that a believer? I have no idea. Well, then I saw her face. Now I'm a believer? I have no idea. Well, then I saw her face.

Now I'm a believer. I saw it in the spirit of God while it was happening. My daughter called me on the phone. I was describing to her what I was seeing. And she said, Daddy, I'm watching that right now. I had an encounter with the living God that was able to salvage my daughter. You are just making this up. It didn't happen. And if it did happen, your God would be,

it would paint your God in a worse light. I know. Like, that's the thing is that if it did happen, if this did happen, God is such a fucking nozzle. Right? You're just like, who wants to believe in this God? Where you essentially just have like, well, we were best buddies so

he saved my life and then he killed everybody on the like on the rest of the railroad tracks like this is the right this is the the moral quandary when you you can kill one person or you can you know kill 10 people that that chimps fucking even look at and like no you kill the one person yeah right yeah but it's this guy it But this guy, it's actually kind of worse than that. It's like there's a car coming down the street, and you direct it away from your kid and into another kid. That's it. Like, still the fucking same number of people get smushed.

And to stop something that was natural because I was walking in the glory, not just waiting for a manifestation of the glory. And this is a fresh encounter with God. And it was revelation then in my life that became active. And you know what, Apostle? I think that's really the key today for people. Most people react to what comes in life or what the devil throws at them, but we have the authority and the ability to dominate and to act and to change circumstances

rather than to react to circumstances. Wait, you reacted to the fucking tsunami? The tsunami happened and then you reacted to it. Like, it's not, like you didn't fucking preempt the tsunami. You didn't call God ahead of time and be like, oh God, I know there's a tsunami that's happening. Is there any way you can fucking avoid killing my daughter

and kill countless other people. You didn't do that. Instead. You were like, Oh, there's a tsunami. Let me react to it. Like you didn't even describe a scenario in which you didn't react.

I am flabbergasted at the idea that he thinks that he is in a position to dominate God. Yeah. Like he is in a position where he's like, I am going to dominate God. Regu, this is your God. Well, I'm a bottom. That's why he is in a position where he's like, I am going to dominate God. Regu, this is your God. Well, I'm a bottom. That's why he can dominate me.

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This story is from Right Wing Watch. This is pretty, I don't know what this is, actually. I so don't know what this is that before we can even introduce the story properly, we had to phone a Jew. Eli, thank you for being our phone-in Jew. Thanks for having me,

fellas. Can I adjust the air conditioning on your show? Oh, so many people are so unhappy I'm back on your show again. So I want to talk about safe spaces. There you go. Look at that. Half your audience just turned off the podcast. Can we talk about snarky emails instead?

You know, we have this great article from Yik Yak. There's nothing more Jew sounding than Yik Yak, too, by the way. Yik Yak. It's the last noise you make when it's exposed to Zyklon B. Yik Yak. It's the sound the train door closes. Jesus. You know, the whole point of having Eli on here is the same as having your black friend, right?

It's like, I'm about to say something. I'm about to be anti-Semitic, right? So I got to call my Jews. I got to bring my peeps. So now that we've got a Jew in the room, an official Jew. You are an official Jew, right? Like your mom was Jewish. I'm an official Jew.

Okay. Full blood Jew. Full blood. He's a double Jew. Yeah. None of this half blood shit. He's not a mudblood. And this is a perfect story.

So this is from Right Wing Watch. And this is a New York based. So he loves fucking terrible pizza. You guys get along he's a new york based rabbi his name is mendel gessen he couldn't be more fucking jewish he's so jewish he's got the straight pube beard yeah he does have a straight pube beard i mean if you look at it he that that beard is other people's pubes glued to his face his face looks like old man testicles.

So we're going to play this, and we might need a Jew-terpreter. Got it. So here we go. He's going to really be a tremendous president in the United States. Tremendous. Really equality, prosperity, and peace with law and order. He's going to

stand up to all the nations of the world. He's going to side with Israel when he realizes that they cannot make peace with Israel. Wait, what? Wait, hold on. He's going to side with Israel when they've realized they can't make peace with Israel? Okay, let me translate.

Let me translate. Okay. So he wants a salmon omelet with the potatoes on the side. You see, the hands are the key. You got to watch the hands. He wants the potatoes on the side. You see, the hands are the key. You've got to watch the hands. He wants the potatoes on the side. I see.

And a little bit of schmear. Also, the boom guy has a little mishpuka in his shpukas. That's what I'm getting so far. And I think, and I'm a novice at this, but I think he's not going to pay the menu price. He's actually going to pay a little less. Here's a fun fact, though. If you actually turn your screen upside down, you'll notice he's Doc from Back to the Future.

He's just upside down. Nice try, Christopher Plummer. His hair is straight up. He didn't get any work. 1.21 gigawatts. All right, here we go. Jugawatts. Jugawatts. All right, here we go. Juga-watts. Juga-watts.

All right, 1.21, make it.95 gigawatts. What am I, mid-jigawatts? That's the usual price. Sorry, we can't do anything about that, sir. That's the usual price. Sorry, we can't do anything about that, sir. He's going to stand up to the rest of the world for not supporting Israel. Yeah, but he supports Israel. Okay, all right.

I'm there. I'm good. I'm good. I got it. Okay. As I've said before, because it's theologically impossible. Wait, what's theologically impossible? I think what he's attempting desperately to say is that Palestine and Israel are never going to get along together because it's theologically impossible.

It's theologically impossible. And biologically impossible. With a beard like that, you can't. Biologically impossible. Yeah. That's a fucking face scrub brush. That's what that thing is. That makes me want to write an apology letter to his wife.

He looks like the Brillo Boys rabbi. All the ideas I gave in the previous show in the song, that's the Tahar of America. Tahar of America? Oh, let's call on our Jew. Okay. What is that? Oh, the Tahar, it's that thing that Jabba would send people into when they misbehaved. Okay, so there's a rancor down there.

Yeah, absolutely. That's the Tahar. Got it, got it. Yeah, I know you. I am not Googling. No, it's... I feel like this is why we have a G1 staff. Guys, I'm their new assistant. You now understand what it is, okay?

Specifically what it is. See? Specifically what it is. See? And that's why I believe remember I said that the gematme of Donald Trump is gematme of Sheikh Ben David? Okay. Gematme means like the you ever see Spirited Away?

Yes. Yeah. You remember the creature made out of ooze that was living in the hot tub? Donald Trump. That's a gematme. And then Bundavid is like Cinnabon, but it's a Jewish version. So it's just a dry wrap

of crust around a circular center. It's actually old circumcisions dipped in Cinnabon. And they just deep fry that. It's like a Funyun. What do you have in a humorless pastry? When you're a moil, but you don't have a gig that week,

but you still need the taste of baby dick in your mouth, you go to Bun Davids. They're all over Manhattan. That's delicious. That's good stuff. Okay. You know what that means? No.

No. None of us know what that means. We had to call No. No. None of us know what that means. We had to call in an interpreter. None of us know what that means. I don't think you know what that means. Do you know what that means? That his name is a Gamatia? Still no.

Still no, my friend. This is how we get holocausted, Cassidy. This is how you convince someone like Tom to put us on the train. Is he asking that question? I don't need a lot of convincing. I'm just on the train. Get on it. Maybe like, I get to hit a guy with a truncheon?

Awesome. Why? I don't know. I get to hit him with a truncheon. You kept asking me, do I know what that means? Of course, it doesn't mean he's Meshach B'david. Let's forget that. Right?

Oh, I already did. He's not the Messiah. So, okay. He's letting us know he's Mashiach, but let's forget that. Right? Oh, I already did. He's not the Messiah. So, okay. He's letting us know he's not the Messiah. In case we, the audience, were worried, he's not the Messiah. Oh. Mashiach means Messiah. Oh.

Yeah. Here we go, though. Okay. Okay. Tat-tat-tat. You don't realize something. What? Hold on a second.

Did he just do like a cha-cha-cha there? Is he teaching dancing lessons? I have to rewind that a little. That's out. What the fuck is that? Did he tell someone to steal third? What the fuck just happened? I think he said that that's out.

That that's out. Wait, are you kidding? Yeah, but my people, we don't love to emphasize our words. Or use them properly. Yeah, it's like like like is the whole pronunciation key to drink a pint of fucking whiskey it's like uh that that's out no way no way again hold on now that that's out yeah that's out shut the fuck up yeah that that's out that that that's how did you hear that in there This is why you hire a Jew I flew in Jewish

This is why we had to call a Jew I'm actually on every show This is the first time they've used me Somebody who will turn A nation Completely diametrically opposite Is a messiah For them Yes completely diametrically opposite is a Messiah for them.

Yes. He, I believe, is the Mashiach of Edom. That interesting? No. How could that be interesting? Okay, so he's not the Messiahs of the Jews. He's the Messiah of Edom. What the fuck is that?

It's a place in Middle Earth, Tom. So a goyim is a non-Jew. A doyim is a stupid non-Jew, right? So it's a doyim. You got a goyim and a doyim. They have to wear a little cap. It's like a little cone cap they have to wear. It's a riddle.

It's like one of them only tells lies, the other one only tells truths. Because think about it. What does a Meshach do? I don't know. Because I don't know what that is. I can't possibly imagine what the function of that is. Build a temple and then yell at brown people.

Aren't those factory farmed? I don't know. Right? He turns a nation, basically that's going awry. I mean, it's collapsing with the evil and the immorality. He turns it around. That's a Messiah. Especially if it's collapsing with the evil and the immorality. He turns it around. That's a Messiah. Especially if it's incredibly significant.

Do you know who the Mashiach of the Sultan is? No. But what? The Sultan? The Mashiach of the Sultan? Is this shit I can buy at Ikea? How many dowel rods are there? The Mashiach is the super nice bookcase.

The one that most people don't get. He had a Messiah. Do you know who that is? Who is the Messiah of Amalek? Oh, oh. Is it the parrot? It's the talking parrot, right? It's the talking parrot. It's the rug. Hitler, yes. Do you know Hitler was a Mashiach?

A Mashiach is nothing more than an anointed one, right? That completely reverses the order of something. And Hitler, you're Mashiach, right? But what? Okay, I can explain. I can explain. He is having a stroke. If you look at his hands, he's aiming at his chest.

He actually, Jews have two hearts. Not a lot of people know that. And he's having an attack in both of them. They do have two hearts, but they're both black and small. You ever eat carrots and you get that little one stuck in the back of your throat and you're like, That's what's going on here. I'm glad we brought you on to say that. Hey, everybody, Eli's Jewish.

All right, let's move on. You get a little hit back from the Jews who listen to your show. We've got a huge Jewish listening population. We're huge with the Jews. Was the Mashiach of Amalek. But that's really, he had the koiq of a Mashiach. What? He had the koiq of a Mashiach of Amalek. But that's really, he had the koik of a Mashiach. What? He had the koik of a Mashiach.

You corner a Mashiach, you cut off his koik, you carry it around in a little magic bag. You can't keep it in a regular bag or it'll escape and reattach to his body.

No, you actually keep it in a little box and you tie it to your head and to her arms and you pray over it. I tie my koik around my neck. You wish. If Anna ever unties it, my head and or arms and you pray over it. I tie my quake around my neck. You wish. If Anna ever unties it, my head will fall off.

You couldn't stop this guy. What does that sound like? Nonsense. Nonsense. It sounds like someone trying to sneeze out an aborted fetus. That's what it sounds like. what he was is he was the greatest agent of the sultan

that the world has ever seen he was a pure Amalek he hated the Jews viscerally oh that's great he just looked like he was going to square off against somebody he just power fisted viscerally and then he has this moment of like,

yeah, let's go team. Kill a Jew for the Gipper is the stage direction there. Does he seem a little, like, over-enamored of Hitler for a Jew? Oh, dude, we're obsessed with Hitler. Oh, you guys lost that game, by the way. I just want to say.

We lost that game. How many Hitlers you see walking around? None. I just want to say they called it on the case of the slaughter rule. That's a Mashiach. And he turned the entire Germany and half of Europe into hating the Jews. In other words, he made such a significant alteration in the mazel of Jews. That's a Mashiach.

But it's a Mashiach of the Satan. I like saying, I mean, do you think that they're saying like a Messiah of Satan? Is that what he's saying? Yeah. Oh, is that what he's saying? Yeah, he's Satan's Messiah. Okay. Oh.

Oh. We're translating. We're basically fucking, we're like half Jews. This is like Rosetta Stone. Yeah. We're translating. We're basically fucking half Jews. This is like Rosetta Stone. You guys have permission to ask someone for a blowjob and have them say, I don't do that. Sounds funny. He's a messiah.

But that's who he really was. He was a messiah of evil. Trump, I believe, is the messiah of Edom, of Esau. And therefore, he will take them from Yahweh to Yahweh. From someone who afflicts Israel. What the fuck? It's the same thing? Those are the same words. From someone who afflicts Israel to someone who...

Does less afflicting? Somebody who just wears affliction shirts? Yes. Well, basically it's like Ed Hardy's just going to show up. With a popped collar or what? To an affliction concert. Yeah. To somebody who will assist them.

And believe me, he's going to be fabulous with the Jewish people. So he'll be gay. He's going to be fabulous with the Jewish people. He knows us. He knows us. Which is funny because Donald Trump's supporters think they know us as well. It's a slightly different way. You know, they want to put brackets around our name on Twitter, but I get it.

I get it. What's crazy to me is this. Like, on the one hand, there's the far-right Republicans. I mean, we're talking like crazy right. We're talking David Duke here, right? Who last week was motherfucking the Jews because they were jumping on the bandwagon. And Tom and I were like, ah, it's bullshit. Fucking they're not jumping on the bandwagon. Fucking what Jew out there likes Donald Trump?

And clearly this guy. I think we found him. Right? Found the guy. Just takes the right amount of money to corrupt any group of people's morals. You will find. Like I said, he knows them. Real estate, that's why he's in real estate, I said, because there's so many Jews in real estate.

You said it! You said it! I didn't say it! That's why he's in real estate. He loves Jews. He also enjoys cutting the tips off little girls' penises, right? He's into kids. You ever been to Crown Heights? There's some weird shit going on there.

Did you know we control Hollywood? All the ideas, you know. Ivanka and his brother-in-law is not brother-in-law. Just forgot who Trump's family is. He doesn't even know. His brother, son, daughter. Well, you know,

you come from a certain amount of religious Jew and your brother, son, daughter starts to fit in the same category. Shit. Yeah, that's why their kids look translucent. Hate to break it to you, there's like 12 Jews in Brooklyn. They're going to have to start interbreeding. I can read the Torah right through them. Like every kid is the kid from Flowers in the Attic.

And the son-in-law is his chief financial, chief legal counsel and so on and so forth. He's got a lot of Jews working for him, and he likes them. And he likes them. He has a lot of Jews working for him. And he likes them. Oh, they work at his factories. Oh, gosh, they're building cars.

All of his lawyers, all the new people who run his newspapers. It's great. He borrows money from them. Well, Eli, we couldn't have done this story without you. Thank you so much. Oh, thanks for having me, guys. Way to Jew it up, man. Really appreciate it.

Way to Jew it down. Now, the concern, obviously, is if this isn't bottled up in San Francisco, this kind of nonsense, then it's going to be spreading across the entire fruited plain, and you're going to be going to your Burger King in Des Moines, Iowa, and you're going to have a rainbow-colored wrapper for your Whopper. So this story comes from Right Wing Watch. This is Brian Fisher. Brian Fisher decries name-calling one day after calling names.

One day after. Huh. This is him talking on 8-25-2016. This is the first clip. Liberals use cliches to stop conversation, to stop discussion, to stop debate. So they have all these cliches out there. Homophobe. That's not a cliche.

That's not a cliche. That's not a cliche. That's a label. Bigot. Again, label. Not a cliche. Whatever the thing happens to be. Islamophobe. That's still not a cliche. He's terrible at this. And they feel that once they

slap that card down on the table, then that's the end of the discussion. They don't have to answer any more of your questions. They don't have to offer any evidence. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. The evidence is almost certainly in what you've already done.

And they're responding to the thing that you said with a label, and that label is because you have said something that falls into that category. You know, it's so funny, because you know where he's, I mean, he's talking about, like, gay marriage and things along those lines. That's clearly what he's talking about, right you know he's talking about gay marriage and things along those lines. It's clearly what he's talking about, right?

When he's talking about bigot and the Islamophobe thing too. You're right. His side that he's defending is doing something awful. And then they're getting called a bigot for it. And he's like, you don't have to offer any evidence. The fucking proof is in the pudding.

That's why you're getting called a bigot. It's not like they're walking up to you and starting the conversation with, bigot! And then stop. It's like you had to have done something. Something has to happen first for that action. Something bigoted. Yeah, exactly. Right?

Well, and then to say that it shuts off all conversations. No, if I think you're a bigot, I'll just point out that you're a bigot. What else are you going to say to me, though? I'm willing to have that conversation all day. Yeah. What else are you going to say to me though? I'm willing to have that conversation all day. Yeah. Like what else are you going to say to me? Say something else then. Because what you're saying now is

gay people shouldn't be happy. Okay. I think that's a bigoted idea. Okay. Now what? Where are we now? I think, I think,

I think you're thinking about things in a very selfish, awful way that excludes the human who is actually making the action. You're passing judgments on something that doesn't even concern you. Now what? Now where do we go from there?

How are you going to convince me that it concerns you? Are you going to say my magic book says it concerns me? I'm going to be like, oh fuck! I fucking forgot about the book! The fucking magic book! Did you rub it three times to get your wishes? Oh shit's fucking totally fine you want a pistol do you want to shoot him in the face seriously what the fuck could he possibly say other than my magic book or my imaginary friend said it i can hate them right and i want to hate them right because like that's why

you're behaving as a bigot right because what you want to do is you want to be hateful that's the direction you want to travel down. All the rest of it is your backstop. Yeah. You've already decided, like, I don't like something. I am going to be fucking weird about something that I'm not involved in at all. Exactly. Like, hey, two consenting adults are doing fucking shit behind closed doors.

Well, here's my thought about it. No one cares. Yeah. No one cares. Nobody at all gives a shit unless you're a bigot. Yeah. Well, and then it's not just you're just keeping that in your head. Now you want to legislate against them.

Right. You want to stop them from enjoying life. Well, fuck off. They don't have to offer any proof. They don't have to offer any logic. They've just called you a name, and that's the end of the debate. So they use it to terminate debate. So when they start running, and I've said this frequently on this program,

name-calling is the first refuge of a man without an argument. So when somebody starts calling you a name, that's an indication they know that they are out of intellectual ammunition. They cannot defend their position. All right, so that was his first statement. This is a couple days before. There's no tolerance there on the left. They say they're the voices and the paragons of tolerance and compassion. They are anything but. They're cruel,

they're mean-spirited, and they're hateful. You want to know where the hate is in the whole discussion about homosexuality? It's on the left. Wait, what? But what does that even mean, though? I mean, I see what they're doing here. They're trying to say he's saying that he called the other side hateful, which is, again, fine, totally fine.

I don't care what he does. But the idea here is what is he talking about? The hate is on the left. I don't know. I don't understand how the hate is on the left. I think he's saying the hate is on the left in the terms that the left hates the Christians for hating more first. Could also be using it as a way to say they hate those people by enabling them because they're doing wrong and they're going to go to hell for it.

Oh, I didn't think about that. That could be another way, right? Yeah, right, yeah. They are the haters. They are the bigots. They are the anti-Christian haters. They're Christophobes. Virtually every last one of them.

You're right. Yeah, it's Christians. They don't like Christians. I don't care about Christians. I just don't want them to legislate. I just don't want to legislate against good people that want to enjoy life. You're right. Yeah, it's Christians. They don't like Christians. I don't care about Christians. I just don't want them to legislate. I just don't want to legislate against good people that want to enjoy life. That's it. I don't hate you.

The fact that somebody's a Christian means literally nothing to me until that Christian starts to use their faith to beat the shit out of other people, right? Yeah. You see, there are demons in the earth. Read Matthew, Mark's Gospel, Chapter 5. There are demons all over where Jesus cast out demons when he walked the earth. This is pretty great. So this is Trump is under a concentrated satanic attack. Is that Don King back there?

I think it is. Look at the jacket he's wearing. Is that Don King? I think it might be Don King. Don King? I think so. Donald Trump is clearly deeply uncomfortable. Am I just being racist and thinking that's Don King?

No, all black people with poofy hair are Don King. No, look at that fucking jacket. Who else could pull that thing off? That's true. His hair doesn't look like it used to, though. Well, he's older. He kind of looks like the nutty professor. Maybe it's the nutty professor.

It could be. It could be. I do want to point out real quick that... Is it like a hazelnut? Because I like that kind of nutty professor. White pistachio nut the donald trump is about to get a great big fucking jesus snuggle hug by a whole bunch of fucking nutty fundies and he looks so uncomfortable as they're about to swarm him he like look at his face look at the grimace on his face.

He looks like he has just drunkenly consented to gay sex. You know what I mean? He's like, I got a few in me. I've always kind of wanted to do this. Now I'm regretting it. This is one of those situations

where you're about to get a prostate exam. I kind of wanted to kiss a guy, but now I don't want it going in my ass. You know what I mean? It's like I was okay with that. I just wanted him to blow me. Yeah, exactly. Lay hands on him, and she's going to pray.

And I want you to stretch forth your hands, and I really want you to intercede on his behalf. Years ago, years ago, when we first met him and he was considering running for president, there was a great preacher there. I don't want to say his name, but he is nationally known. And he said something to you. I don't know if you remember. He said, I want you to understand, Mr. Trump, that if you choose to run for president, there's going to be a concentrated satanic attack against you.

He's looking around like he doesn't even know. Are people cheering? Are people cheering that there's a concentrated satanic attack? Yeah, we believe this bullshit, too. I don't understand why you cheer for that. Because, man, he's beating it, right? I think that's what they're thinking is like, yeah, man, there's a concentrated satanic attack. And because of our church and the fucking power, Jesus, we're all beating up the Satans.

That's got to be it. Now, I always heard that Satan is more powerful freshly squeezed than for concentrate. But I don't know if that's true or not. I've also heard that when we get what we think is authentic Satan juice here in the States, that it doesn't even compare to the Satan juice you get down in hell.

It's freshly milked. Here it's just a fucking mishmash of other shit. It's fucking random demon juice. It kind of separates. It's not as homogenous as it is when it's freshly squeezed. It doesn't have that kind of demon fruitiness, you know. It's just kind of bitter and acrid.

And I hear they add the pulp aftermarket. He looks so uncomfortable that they're going to touch him. He's looking around like, I would never let poor black people like this touch me in a million years. He said this over five years ago. He said there's going to be a demon. Principalities and powers are going to war against you on a level that you've never seen before.

You know what he looks like? But you know when you go to a family function? It's not like a close family. We're talking like extended family function. Yeah, like a family reunion. Like a family reunion type thing. And you get to the table and there's the lady who you kind of know is like married to your second cousin right and she's talking about her yeast infection

that's trump's face right now that is trump's face right now it's that it's that tired wary sort of god what the fuck am i doing here how quickly can I check the fuck out of this? Because to him, it's all jib jab. He doesn't believe one ounce of this devil stuff. Not a minute. And the idea that these guys are all rallying around him as if he believes this stuff.

He's fucking thinking of other shit. I know that face. That's my face in every meeting I've ever gone to. You're doing the, oh, I gotta put on the face that everyone thinks is me paying attention but mostly i'm just gassing yeah exactly that's the face that's the face like that's my serious face and then in the fucking in the background you're like later when i get home from work i'm gonna jerk off 12 times it's all you always have like kind of like that starry-eyed feel at work, and then you get home, and you get halfway through, and you fall asleep. And I'm watching this every day, so we're going to pray for him.

He has no idea what to do. He doesn't know what he's doing. He's reaching for a tit. He's reaching for a tit. He doesn't know what he's doing. He doesn't know that he's supposed to bow his head and just suck it up. They're going to put their fucking hands all over you, and they're going to fucking ruin your million-dollar suit. He hates this so much.

And he's so angry. He's just like, that's old man rage. This is my favorite. He's so fucking uncomfortable right now. Exactly. This is terrific. Look at Pence behind him. He's got this smirk on his face like, I've been here before.

He doesn't like this. They're all going to touch you now. Let's stretch our hands right now. Father, we thank you in the name of Jesus that you raise up a man for such a time as this. God, we ask you right now that your choice is this choice.

We ask that you choose this choice. We don't think you did, but we'd like you to pick this one. I don't know, man. The other ones you said you picked all lost. Yeah, you told all the rest of them to run, right? Can you pick this one now? You keep

picking people and they keep losing. Maybe his vote is shit. Maybe God's not, maybe heaven's not a swing state. God's voting in Texas. That's why, right? How many electoral votes does heaven get? It gets zero. It's like less than Puerto Rico.

Nothing's less than Puerto Rico. He's so uncomfortable. Yeah. He looks so uncomfortable. You guys, you have to seriously. You go to any video. Yeah. You have to watch this.

Trump seriously looks like he's going to. He looks like he's getting a fucking proctology exam right now he looks like somebody is shoving an 18 inch instrument right up his ass look at the woman oh yeah she looks like she's doing it she looks like she's shoving the instrument this is great we believe lord god that you ordain things you said all authority is of you can somebody stop touching touching me right now? Why is there fucking like two X's on his chest right now? That's weird. Is a fucking predator in the audience? What is happening?

No, but fucking, what she just said was, we believe you ordain all things. Now we're going to ask you to do something. If you're going to ordain all the things, but specifically the things we want you to ordain. Well, like fucking, isn't it already done? Do the thing I want to do. I ordain thing. It's the fucking, it's all set in motion. Yeah. Right. It's either going to happen or it's not already done. Like it's already, why even ask

the question? Isn't that the problem with prayer though? Is that if God is omniscient, right? That's the problem with real, the real problem with omniscience and omnipotence is that if God is omniscient, right? That's the problem with omniscience. The real problem with omniscience and omnipotence is that when those two things are combined, then there is no way for there to be anything like free will, right? Because if you are able to see into the future, then the future is preordained. That's a fucking done deal. And if you are an interventionist God

and you set those wheels in motion, then by necessity, the future that you ordained to happen is the future that must happen. Yeah, it has to happen. Or you couldn't future that you ordained to happen is the future that must happen. Or you couldn't know that it was going to happen. So why would you pray for shit? That's just hoping that you got it right. I can't, I just can't get there. Now, God, I ask that you would touch this man, Donald J. Trump, give him the anointing to lead this nation. We thank you, God, that as a room full of clergy, a room

full of leaders, a room full of business owners, mothers, wives, husbands, fathers, we ask for help. We literally don't think we can do this without you. We are stunned that we have to be in this position. We are just as appalled as you, God. We can't believe

this is the shit we have to be on. This is the most amazing shit ever, man, to see him stand there. He's so uncomfortable. God. And it looks like a Secret Service guy behind him is just like, God, why did I put up with this? I want to fucking own a fucking cafe and make fucking pancakes. And we ask you, God, to let that help be in the form of the next president mr donald j trump we ask you god to bless him keep him safe give him the wisdom and the strength to lead this great nation

you're giving the wisdom somebody over everything else i know yeah i mean like if you have to give things in levels try to get as much wisdom as possible start with some wisdom go wisdom yeah you don't want to yeah you don't want to fucking put a whole bunch in there. It's an easy. This is like, you know, sometimes you just have to go for easy wins, right? You are at no wisdom. You are at zero wisdom units. You have no wisdom units. Literally any wisdom would be an upgrade.

Any wisdom. If he could tie his own shoe, that would be great. That would be good. It would be so good. You wouldn't believe how good it would be. He's like, he's getting this prayer. He's got his eyes closed. And then you see him start to shake like Neo in The Matrix.

He's like, I got a little wisdom. I know shoe tying. He's like, I shouldn't use the nuclear weapons. Oh, God. Oh, God. A poll, I was telling you earlier, a poll of voters said nearly 50%, it was like 47% of U.S. voters said

they thought that Donald Trump would use a nuclear weapon. How is it 2016 and we're still even debating the concept? If he gets 50% of the votes, that means that some of the people that thought he would use a nuclear weapon said yes. There are people on that side that are saying, I think he will use a nuclear weapon. I am voting for Donald Trump. I'm all in.

You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers. I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. So this story, Joseph Farah, Hillary Clinton's election will lead to God's judgment on America. Now, Joseph Farah is World Net Daily founder, and he's appearing on E.W. Jackson's awakening radio program.

A Christian saying, I'm not voting for Donald Trump. You know, Donald Trump's been divorced three times. I don't trust Donald Trump. Yeah, that's fair. Both of those things are true. Yeah. Like, I don't know, a times. I don't trust Donald Trump. Yeah, that's fair. Both of those things are true. Yeah. Like, I don't know, a lot of people don't trust Donald Trump. You know, he owns casinos, and they're coming up with these reasons why,

for it to be never Trump people. Those are valid biblical reasons, right? Like, you know, I love that they just dismissed that. Donald Trump's been divorced three times, so the fucking Bible is really clear about divorce. It's incredibly clear about divorce. It couldn't be much more clear about the subject of divorce. It clearly doesn't understand the value and wonder that is divorce. Because it gets yet another issue wrong.

There should be an adult theme park, Divorce Land, where you just go, just let it all out. It would be the happiest place on earth. Well, you could split it up into two different sides, where there's a really happy side and a real sad side. Suicide boots on the other side. Initiators initiated. Like, that's it.

Like, get your fucking happy ticket, your sad face ticket. Tickets are half off because everyone only has half the money. Yeah, and they are half off because there's no way you can get the BOGO with your wife. You have nobody to go with. So it's buy one, keep one. Nobody shows up in the carpool lane. Jesus Christ. Everybody goes over on all the roller coasters by themselves.

It's just one person. Everything's a single line. They don't sell beers, just hard liquor shots. Just hard liquor. I would go. I would go to the theme park. The theme park sounds great. Sounds like a great theme park.

It sounds awesome. But the Bible is clear about gambling, right? The Bible is clear about divorce. It's clear about divorce, gambling. And another clear indicator of his failed policies could be his failed businesses. And failed relationships. And not just failed businesses, scam businesses. Yeah, right.

I mean, you look at Trump University, and they were doing what all these other universities got busted for doing years ago. You know what I mean? Like these people did this years ago. Trump did it years ago before it was cool. He was a for-profit university selling a bunk degree that didn't have anything. Right. You got to kind of give him

some credence for being kind of a... He's an innovator. He had a groundbreaking fraud idea. He was frauding before fraud was cool. He had a pop-off university. I watched a Nova the other day on these for-profit universities,

how they're all starting to tank now, right? So all the for-profit universities are starting to tank. And one of the for-profit universities prayed off all the very poorest people in the world, right? So like in the country, like all the poorest people they could find. Homeless people were getting loans in their names for these universities. One of these was three women, and they're all Mexican,

what looked like either Mexican immigrants or something. I mean, they're all Mexican, right? And they are all trying to learn to be nurses. And one of the things that they did, and I guess John Oliver did a piece on this too. One of the things that they did is for their psych training, they took them to a Scientology place. No. Yeah. What?

And they don't even think psychology is a thing, right? Yeah. And then they did their clinical stuff when they did their clinics, like supposed to do all this stuff. It's like learning car repair at the Amish fucking farm, right? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Or like learning how to have sex from like a celibate guy, like a religious celibate guy. Like a priest.

Like a priest or something, right? Yeah. Oh, you see, you got to really just get in there and grab those bags of sand. It's a pre-k. That's exactly it. These three women, they did their clinicals. I don't know if I'm saying that right, but whatever, like where they go in and actually do the work of a nurse

underneath another nurse. They do their like hours. They did it at a daycare because they couldn't, they didn't go to an actual hospital. And so their degrees were worthless, absolutely worthless. They would leave and they'd go to apply to a hospital

and the hospital would be like, where did you train? Oh, I never trained anywhere. I never went any, because they didn't have any relationships with those places. And then they just charged this immense amount of money to all these people. And that's what Trump University did.

Right, I know. It was in the middle of a class action because of it. Yeah, there was a bunch of different stories of these people that were getting the hard sell on all these classes and things. And it's like, you know, Trump university is a fraud. It was a fraud from the start. It was, it wasn't the, you know, the very best teachers and the very best at the best schools and the very

best, you know, wasn't any of that. It was just, all it was, was fucking some guy selling his name, his brand name and, and reaping fucking skimming off the top. Um, and what do you tell, what do you say to people who don't seem to understand that as I've heard many say, it's a binary choice now.

I mean, it's either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton. It is a binary, well, it's not technically a binary choice, but the other people are not going to get elected. I don't care what happens. There's no way the libert libertarian candidate whatever his name is johnson i think his name is yeah or or they're not gonna get elected you know they have just as

much chance of getting elected as howard stern has from sure right you know nobody's gonna nobody nobody's gonna vote for them in mass and i know there's gonna be a lot of people who are gonna say oh i want to vote for third party so that they get in the debates and things like that. And that's fine. You vote how you want. I don't care. I'm not judging you. You're not the voting police. I don't give a fuck how you vote. I'm just saying they're never getting elected. That's it. That's the fucking rub. They're never going to get elected.

In this respect, I agree with him. It is a binary choice right now. And I agree that you do have to look at the choices that are in front of you, recognize that it's an either or proposition and fucking make your choice between those. And if you think they're both shitheads, it's the lesser of shitheads. You got to do it because those are the two options on the table, right? It's like if your dad's like, look, you've got to finish eating dinner and it's fucking

lima beans or eggnog. It's like, fucking, I'm not going to have a good time. I'm not going to enjoy this. I just mix them together. Oh, just fuck. It's like, fuck, I'm not going to have a good time. I'm not going to enjoy this. I just mix them together. Oh, just fuck. That's right. You know,

if we take that attitude, then we should have taken that attitude all along. I mean, let's go back to Ronald Reagan. He was divorced too. Yeah, let's go back to Ronald Reagan. Please,

let's go back to Ronald Reagan. Can somebody dig up Ronald Reagan? Let's go back to the only president that was any good that we all agreed on. Oh, we don't all agree on that guy. Yeah, it turns out we don't all agree. But all the Republicans love him. They do. They fucking love the gipper. You know, but he brought a blessing on this country

because he was a man of God and principle. A blessing that lasted, you know, more than 10 years. What? It lasted more than 10 years, Tom. That's the only good stuff that's happened. That's it. That's it.

The 80s were amazing. Never mind the 90s when we had a budget surplus, right? Right. Never mind. Never mind. We had, you know, relative peace and the budget surplus and the tech boom. Yeah. Pay no attention to any of that.

And, you know, I would be the first to tell you that Donald Trump is a fallen human being, just like me, and just like you, E.W. Right, right. As you know. And, you know, that's not the criteria we use to determine who should lead this country. And, you know, there is something to this lesser than two evils. Lesser of! It's lesser of, not lesser than! God, you're

fucking, your face is illiterate. Lesser than two evils? So like one thing is lesser than two other evil things? Like two other evil things, right? I can't even hear that guy. He's so fucking stupid. We've heard so much

about because we have in Hillary Clinton, I have to tell you, this is not, this is an evil woman, okay? An evil woman. She's evil. I wouldn't call Trump evil. Would you call Trump evil? No, I'd call him stupid. I'd call him incompetent.

Right. There's plenty of things. I do think he's genuinely stupid. I'm not saying that as a derogatory. I'm not just name-calling. I think he's a man of genuinely low intellectual capability. I don't think he's smart, and I don't think he's average. I think he is intellectually deficient. I think

that his intellect is below the average. I think he's fucking cleaning the fucking goop off the McDonald's tray with a spoon, stupid. He just is a bully with money. If he didn't have the money, he would be. And the attitude. Attitude plus money is power, right?

That guy knows he can just bulldoze over the top of people, and that gets you a long way. When you walk around with a bunch of power, that's what money is. Money is power. Money is the ability to influence people, to buy shit. It's goods. It's services. Money and power are inextricably linked. When you have fucking buckets of money, you have tons of power.

If you combine that with a low intellect and a great propensity for bullying. Sure, yeah. An aggressive lizard brain type of attitude. Then this is something you can get, oh my god, almost to the presidency. What do you mean almost? Don't you fucking even start talking like that.

Shut your whore mouth. What are the polls lately? I'm curious. I don't know what they are right now. Don't even Google them right now. They're probably closing. Intimately following her political career for nearly 30 years now. And I can tell you that we will not be able to recognize this country and what it was if we give her four years in the White House. It's just as simple as that.

That's fucking serious. In four years, what she's going to do is she's going to burn the whole country. In four years, what she's going to do is she's going to burn the whole country. So not only do you resort to calling her a name that is really unsubstantiated, right, to call her evil, to say that. Evil is a stupid thing to say. It's a stupid thing. Level and actual criticism. Right. But then also to say you're not going to be able to recognize the country.

Now you're going to the level of hyperbole. Right. They're willing to sink to literally any level to try to demonize the other side. You know, one of the things that I don't understand is Hillary is quite – one of the criticisms that I have, one of the things that I don't like about Hillary is I think she's too hawkish. I really do think she's too hawkish. They love that shit. They love that fucking send the fucking boys overseas to just go adventuring across the world sort of mentality. They love that

nonsense. You'd think that they would be fucking all over that. You'd think they would be all over that. They treat her as if she is this incredibly progressive candidate. One of the things that progressives don't like about her is that she is not progressive enough. She's too middle of the road. She's too centrist.

That's one of the reasons she does not excite me as a candidate. I enough. She's too middle of the road. She's too centrist. That's one of the reasons she does not excite me as a candidate. I think she's a very middle of the road right-leaning Democrat. She's not left-leaning enough for me as a progressive to get really excited, and I think she's too hawkish. She's actually probably the fucking best of the candidates

for the Republicans. If the Republicans are going to get a Democrat, this is the one you want! She's a career politician. It'd be like if Kasich had won the primary. Everybody would be saying, well, look, Democrats, this would be the closest you could get

on the Republican side from what was standing on that stage. I would be shrugging and be like, well, we're not fucked. If it was Kasich, I would actually be probably looking at their policies at this point. If it was between the two of them, I would at least be interested in what the difference would be.

I'm willing to have that conversation. But Trump is different. Trump is not a – like I respect Hillary's intelligence. I think Hillary is smarter than I am. That's somebody I want. I want to hire people 100 percent of the time in a hiring situation. That's what we're doing. We're hiring the next president.

That's what we're doing. We're interviewing the next president. That's what we're doing. We're interviewing and hiring. Whenever you hire, hire someone smarter than you. Hire somebody who's willing to outwork you. That's what you've got to do. You never want to bring somebody in who's like, well, I'm brighter than that guy. Well, keep looking.

Keep looking. In my case, it's super easy because almost everybody is smarter than I am. Slam the door shut on a future America that has any semblance of liberty and justice, you know, even equal justice under the law. Look at her own record. Yeah, she doesn't have anything in her record for equal justice of the law. What is he even getting at?

I mean, honestly, what is he getting at? Equal justice of the law. What is he even getting at? I mean, honestly, what is he getting at? Equal justice of the law. What does he mean specifically? You never notice that they never follow it up with like that time she did this thing? Like the time she canceled Christmas. Did you know her heart was two sizes too small?

And if we reward her non-accomplishment, her non-achievement and her... Her non-achievement, fucking 30 years in politics, Secretary of State of the United States, what has she ever done? What do you do? Well, okay, so it's fucking one or the other. It's either non-achievement,

or it's she's going to burn the whole country to the ground. Because non-achievement doesn't burn the country to the ground. Non-achievement just lets it go where it's going. Right. I did nothing, and I'm all out of ideas. Exactly. I did nothing. Like what Utah Phillips says, I'm going to sit around the fucking

White House playing pool, scratching my ass and drinking beer all day and I'll promise to be a do-nothing president. It's the same thing here. You're a do-nothing president. You don't burn the country to the ground. But for him, it's you're never going to recognize the United States. He's going to fucking flip it on its head.

It's going to be the worst place in the world. It's going to be fucking like when you walk down the street, you're going to get attacked by lions or whatever he thinks is going to happen. What would happen? But then in this case, she's a do-nothing. What is it, dude? She's a do-nothing evildoer. She's doing nothing evilly.

She's evilly nothing then you're effectively neutral you know what I mean like you could be as evil as fuck if you don't act on it you don't know what you're talking about I don't know what that means you just threw it out there sometimes it sticks I know sometimes it sticks but right no did I hit it no damn it

so we want to thank Eli Bosnick of Scathing Atheist, Skeptocrat, and Godawful Movies for joining us and being our phone-in Jew. We'd like to thank you, Eli, for joining us. Be sure to catch us on Scathing Atheist, which released today. It is the second part of the Vulgarity for Charity. We will be finishing up the Vulgarity for charity next Monday.

Be sure to send in your donations. You have until tomorrow night at midnight to, to get your donations in for vulgarity for charity. If you do donate $20 or more to modest needs.org anyone on modest needs or modest needs foundation send a proof to vulgarityforcharity at gmail.com. That's the word for and not the number for. And you send that proof, pick somebody you want us to insult, and we will roast them on the final chapter of Vulgarity for Charity with the Scathing Atheist crew. We're excited to do it.

We've been having so much fun doing it with them. Be sure to tune into their podcast and tune into ours again on Monday. But we're going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and Pseudo-Quasi-Alternative, Acupunctuating, Pressurized, Stereogram, Pyramidal, Free Energy, Healing, Water, Downward Spiral, Brain Dead, Pan, Sales Pitch, Late Night Info-Docutainment. Death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, bigfoot, yeti, aliens, churches, mosques and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands.

Bloody, evidential, conc or of the local dairy council. I tolerate so much already. You are so intolerant. Fuck you. You know, you barely. No, fuck you. You barely tolerate my laziness. You barely tolerate my lack of effort. How dare you, sir?

How dare you? Unbelievable. You're fired. You will hardly let me sexually harass our employee. You're fired. You can't. I can't do anything around here. I mean,

who drank all the whiskey? Not me. Okay, so again, you're blaming me. Who else is in the studio? Tom? Who else is in the studio? No. Brian Fisher? No, come on. You're the smart one. you're the fucking smart one so figure it out asshole