Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 326: I’m So Thirsty

Episode Date: November 17, 2016

       

Today's show is brought to you by AdamandEve.com. Go to AdamandEve.com right now and you'll get 50% off just about any item. All you have to do is enter the code word GLORY, G-L-O-R-Y, at checkout. Hey, it's Dave. I just heard Alex Jones got a call from Trump. I hope you guys have an exit plan. Hi Cecil and Tom, I really appreciate your 100-day show. And I just wanted to add, you know, you were talking about supporting local groups, teaching people to speak English, teaching technology skills.

And if you want to encourage people to support all of that, tell them to support their libraries. I'm a librarian, and at my library, we have free citizenship classes, free English classes for people who speak Spanish. I live on the border, so that's our main goal. We also have free computer classes. We have free everything. Everything is free. And it's wonderful and awesome, and people need to take advantage of their libraries.

So support your local library, and if you haven't visited your library in a while, go do it. It's awesome. Thanks, Thomas Cecil, You Guys Rule, and glory hole, motherfuckers. Hey, guys, this is Travis calling from Mississippi. Just had a thought that occurred to me this morning. About four to eight years from now, there's going to be a Trump library opening up. Just let that sink in for a minute. The Trump library.

Anyway, hope you guys are having a good day. Glory to hope. Hey fellas, this is Jamie calling. I'm the friend that Cecil mentioned who called him after the rally in Chicago on the day after the election. Hey, fellas, this is Jamie calling. I'm the friend that Cecil mentioned who called him after the rally in Chicago on the day after the election. By the way, can I just say how absurd I find it when right-wingers call it a riot and claim that we're all paid protesters and then talk about how liberals live in a bubble? Amazing.

Anyway, I took some video and photos of that rally, and I'm hoping to attend many more. I work in a school with a lot of undocumented students, and this election has had a terrible impact on them. Knowing that our community has their back was huge for them. So thanks for the show's support, fellow liberals, and keep them coming. The kids I teach really need it. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording live from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance.

Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome at. This is episode 326 of Cognitive Dissonance. And you gave me a look like, hey, you just added one successfully to the number we simply recorded one hour ago. Well, no, I changed the notes. Oh, you did? Look at that.

I know for sure that you were going to get it right. Yeah, this is a Thursday show. And this is a show that is one week after President- elect Trump is in office, but we are going to instead cover a lot of other stuff that doesn't have anything to do with Trump. This is going to be a Trump free episode. This is Trump, Trump,

Trump light, Trumpy Trump diet, Trump watered down. It's like, it's like the urn of Trump. It's not quite. Trump looks like he fucking he did like a like a stripper poured water on me thing in iron group like he looks like a bitch

from flash dance had a bucket of that shit and pulled it and it fucking dropped all over it's like remember that guy who had all the colloidal silver and turned blue and turned blue the papa smurf dude exactly yeah It's like this. It's like Trump basically earned brewed himself into the, into the Oompa Loompa stage. Fucking fell in the bed of it. All right. So, uh,

I don't know. Like, is this good news for Jim Baker's business plan? I don't think, you know, that's the thing is I'm wondering where Jim Baker, now this, this story is from the 26th.

It was a different world. It was a different world back then. But this is from right wing watch. Big shock. And this is, uh, the Jim Baker. Now this story is from the 26th. It was a different world, buddy. It was a different world back then. But this is from Right Wing Watch. Big shock. And this is the Jim Baker show. Nuclear war is coming. Maybe, I don't know, but buckets would help. Yeah, almost certainly buckets would help. I bet buckets will solve the problem.

You can always hyperventilate into the bucket at some point when you're going to a panic attack. You know, question before it even starts, you can use buckets for furniture. Can you build a bucket bunker? As long as you had some sort of epoxy to hold those buckets together. What if you had concrete buckets or lead-lined concrete buckets? Could you have a bucket bunker?

Because if you could have a bucket bunker, I think you have an obligation to build a bucket bunker. I bet you. So he sells generators, but I bet you he sells other stuff to sort of bunkerize your house. Oh, I bet he does. Bunker building, bunker stuff. Bunker stuff. Bunker building buckets. Rubber baby buggy bunkers. It's the most fun thing to say.

Rubber baby buggy bunkers. All right, here we go. The Supreme Court, I think, is so important. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hey, I think other people do too, Jim. You know, one of the three branches of our government is super dupes importance. So important. It's so important. Hold on a second, Jim.

Let me answer. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Oh, look at this. Complete 2017 expandable fuel-less generator. How would a generator work without fuel? Well, you've got a shit in it. What would a- You've got a shit in it what would a shit a fuelless

generator just produces electricity from magic if you add that you don't need to wait for the buck you just get free energy so now we gotta look it up hold on a second what is a fuelless generator a fuelless generator is a device that stores power and can be used to run almost anything requiring electrical current the reason it generates the title fuel is because traditional generators use some type of fuel. Usually gasoline to create electric current. For example, Honda has a blah, blah, blah. Fuel generators are less messy than their fuel requiring counterparts. It's a solar generator, isn't it?

Yeah, it's out there connecting them to solar panels. So there's no stinking exhaust. So he has a solar generator. It's not a fuel fuel-less generator it's a solar panel and a battery it uses solar power which is the fuel right but it uses it's a solar panel and a battery that's what it is that's not a generator look at how much it costs. It's $2,400. Yeah, except for it says Jim Baker sells it, the combo, for $25. You can get it in an EMP bag. Yeah. Oh, my God.

An EMP bag? Click on EMP bag. Is it just a bag that blocks electromagnetic pulses? It's probably like a lead bag. It's like a Faraday cage? It's like a lead bag or something. Yeah. I bet it's basically like a portable Faraday cage.

Yeah. Holy shit. He sells all kinds of, I fucking love this guy. Mm. But I also want to comment on the delightful irony of these guys selling solar panels. Yeah. When the right is so dead set against solar energy and alternative energy resources.

Absolutely. Like on the one hand they're like we gotta drill into the fucking face of fucking george washington yeah we will put a fucking oil well like a fucking zit we'll tap his nose we'll tap his nose and just turn it on and just just pour right the fuck out of it we'll give fucking franklin roosevelt a fucking big gushy bloody nose it doesn't matter give a fuck we'll skull fuck one of it. We'll give Franklin Roosevelt a fucking big, gushy, bloody nose. It doesn't matter. We don't give a fuck. We'll skull fuck one of them. We'll just drill into his

eye, and then we'll fuck it until it fucking shoots oil out of it. We don't give a shit. For a thimble. For a thimble of oil. They will fucking ruin Yellowstone. They'll be like, I will destroy the entirety of all natural resources. They'll kill all the bison

in the United States and then squeeze them for their oil. They'll just put them in a giant process and just like, and just squeeze them and like shit out the oil. But if it nets them $2,400, they'll sell you a motherfucking set of batteries. They said it was $2,400,

but it says $4,200 complete expanded. So it's $4,200 here. Totally different. And I'm so concerned when I already see the internet has been given away. We didn't have it. It's a tiny little box. It's like from the heart. It's like nothing says love.

Like the entire internet. Also, can't wait until that Verizon CEO gets in there for the FCC. Want to talk about the Internet? Give it away. Stop. No. Right. Right.

Jim. Huh? Remember? Remember that fucking time before Trump was elected? You asshole. And you see that has already happened. And then you see all the things that have happened in the last eight years. Like what?

Like what? Name the things. Oh, no. They always say that. They're just like, what about all the things that we should be mad about? You're like, well, name one. I think Jim can name one. Around Pennsylvania Avenue, the neighborhood went to shit when the black guy went in.

You know what I mean? Like, I think that's really all they're talking about. All the people on Pennsylvania Avenue look over like, oh, remember when they gave that job to a darkie? Like, you're just like, yeah, I remember. We kind of voted them in like a fucking massive majority. Right. Fucking with both the Electoral College and the popular vote.

Oh, you remember the popular vote? One of which Trump won't get. That's my tears, by the way. I'm the one going. Fucking. But yeah. Remember when we fucking elected him in twice in a row? Yeah, I remember that.

And remember fucking the eight years that you guys fucking shit in your fucking hands because you were so terrified that like, oh, my God. What is he going to do? Is he going to take away all the guns? What is he going to do? Nothing. He didn't do anything. He didn't do anything. terrified that like, oh my God, like, what is he going to do? Is he going to take away all the guns? What is he going to do? What is he going to do? Nothing. He didn't do anything. He didn't do anything.

All the fucking scary, scaries that they said were going to happen. None of them happened. Nothing. Not one of them. Yeah. He didn't even give us healthcare. Like we did. We got nothing out of this deal. Yeah.

Now we can ask and tell. That's all that we got out of this. Yeah. Well, let's see. Let's see what happens after a Trump presidency, though. Let's see where we're at in four years. Let's see if we look at this backwards and say, you know, because right now we're doing the exact same thing that they did. Right. So we're prognosticating the doom of America. Oh, my God. What's going to happen? Everybody's doing the same thing.

But the difference is, is that Trump is is going to hurt minority groups and disenfranchise people. going to hurt minority groups and disenfranchise people. Obama scared the privileged, the privileged who already had a comfort and a social safety net and were totally fine and never fucking ever had anything bad happen to them ever in their life. And they had plenty of power to fight back. Exactly. And so let's see if the fucking tables turn and we're all just be like, we're just wailing and gnashing our teeth for nothing. I will be happy if that i will be super happy but i am highly doubtful well i'll tell you what i wasn't wrong when i was upset about george w bush yeah exactly right i wasn't

that's the thing i wasn't wrong he was a disastrous president so let's see let's see where we're at of his legacy for 50. Let's see what happens in four years. Right. The church, somebody said, is going underground. Did one of you guys say that? I didn't say that. John, did you say that? Yeah, John was there. I saw you on TV.

Yesterday. I watched you on TV. We were watching your seminar. And if we don't see a miracle in the election, I think we're eventually going to be going underground. We're just going to become like the Molochs or whatever. This guy's an idiot. He's talking about how the churches are going to have to disappear.

We're going to have to be like, oh, remember when we had to, during the Clinton administration, when we had to paint the fish sign on the door so people would secret know that we're not, like, we're Jesus followers? Yeah. And when you say underground, I mean the underground church, they're going

to literally not allow us to function the way we've been functioning. Well, you know, I see this election has very strong global implications. All elections do. Especially elections for the United States presidency. Right. When you are the largest international player economically and militarily, there's literally like every outcome.

Sure. It's a stupid thing to say. You're a stupid person for saying it. It's like feeling, man, this fucking $100 bill has value. It does for the first week of Trump's presidency. Red cars are red. No shit, Sherlock.

I have no idea what happens when he devalues the dollar. Right when he shits on our currency. Hopefully he'll make it equal to what it was with Britain before they Brexited. Our current administration has been giving everything away to the world. He's even talking about after the election moving on and being the head of the world, the UN. The head of the world. The head of the world.

The world. I didn't realize we had an appointed head of the world that someone could just be like, Dibs! I'm the head of the world. The head of the world. The world. I didn't realize we had an appointed head of the world that someone could just be like, Dibs! I'm the head of the world. Dibs! I get to wear the crown. Look at me. I'm the whiz.

Like, yeah, we got that. Yeah, that's a thing that happens. You fucking idiot. Maybe they've seen Titanic too many times. Like, king of the world. Like, Obama's just got his arms out in front of the ship. Maybe that's what it is. At least he'd, I don't know. Arms around Kate Winslet. I would draw him like one king of the world. Like Obama just got his arms out of the front of the ship. Maybe that's what it is. At least he'd, I don't know.

Arms around Kate Winslet. I would draw him like one of my French generals. I would definitely do that. I'd put my arms around Kate Winslet. You could reach your arms around Kate Winslet. Well, pre. Not post. That's so mean.

No, I was actually making fun of the arm length there. I wasn't making fun of her size. She's a normal-sized person. Your arms are tiny. Oh, these are good T-Rexers. They're little. They're little. They're good for holding the women's.

But I have a friend in Kenya, a pastor friend in Kenya, Africa. And you see... Kenya, Africa, as opposed to the other Kenya? Yeah, no, he's not talking about Kenya, Africa. And you see Kenya, Africa, as opposed to the other. Yeah, no, he's not talking about, he's not talking about Kenya, Ohio. Come on now, Tom. We have been seeing the attack of the family here in America, but our administration has been blackmailing other countries in the world with the attack on the family and all of the implications of the family and telling African nations that if you don't line up with what we're telling you to do, we will cut off the food help, the economic help.

That's been happening for several years now. No. What does that mean? No, no. He's talking about human rights fucking violations and not giving them fucking funding when they kill people for being gay. Like, that's fucking not the same thing. That's not about human rights fucking violations and not giving them fucking funding when they kill people for being gay. Like, that's fucking not the same thing. That's not about families.

It's not like, oh, we're trying to disrupt families. Brr, brr. No, you're not, asshole. You're trying to fucking, what you're saying is you want to give people who fucking subjugate gay people free shit. Yep. No. How about no? Yeah.

How about, you know, the same thing. It's like, he'll probably talk about Uganda in the same breath. It's like you got – what you have is two warring parties. On the one side, you got the church who's not protecting families at all, who's saying like I'm going to go and I'm going to proselytize and send missionaries over to Africa. Fucking A. like a cultural colonization where they bring Christianity and evangelical Christianity to Africa in a very colonizing, paternalistic, patronizing, shitty way. And then when there's an opposing force to their agenda, they look at it as an attack on traditional family values.

Fucking Africans, fucking Kenyans, traditional family values have nothing to do with you. They're a different fucking culture until you try to culturally colonize them, you dick. Under this administration, we are heading to a global, global agenda

that is talked about in the Bible. It's called the beast rising out of the sea. It's so much more dangerous than most people think. Don't you believe, John? Well, yeah. Okay. Can I read this?

It has 10 horns and seven heads. We talked about this. This is my favorite. So he's referring to Revelation 13, 1, which is quoted on screen as if it were not ridiculous. So allow me to read it. And let me read what I'm going to. And I saw a beast coming out of the sea. It had 10 horns and seven heads.

It doesn't even have a proportionate number of horns to heads. Some heads just get two or three or four and some get one or none. I'm reminded of this scene from Casino. Look how many blueberries your muffin has and how many mine has. Yours is falling apart. I have nothing. What are you talking about?

It's like everything else in this place. You don't do it yourself. It never gets done. Where are you going? How long can this go on? From now on, I want you to put an equal amount of blueberries in each muffin. An equal amount of blueberries in each muffin. And how long that's going to take? I don't care how long it takes. Put an equal blueberries in each muffin. And how long that's going to take?

I don't care how long it takes. Put an equal amount in each muffin. That's what I think. Every time they're like, oh, there's seven horns and a fucking, and there's ten heads. I'm like, I want an equal amount of horns in each head. I don't care how long it takes, God. But what I don't want is ten horns on seven heads. That's unacceptable. Because some horns on seven heads. That's unacceptable

because some horns are on heads. There's extra horns. Or there's not enough heads. I don't want extra fucking horns. Don't you do this. You either have, Cecil, it could go either way, right? We always assume that we always assume that there's more

horns. Maybe there's just not enough heads. Maybe some of the heads stayed home. Maybe they were fucking liberal heads, and they stayed home, and they didn't fucking vote. And that's why we have the beasts coming out of the sea. You know, the Bible talks about a global one-world government with ten crowns and ten horns. No, it doesn't at all. It doesn't talk about that. It didn't even predict America or Africa.

I mean, it didn't even predict most of the world. The Bible didn't predict most of the world. It had no idea what was going on. The Bible had no idea that there was even an entire North or South America. It didn't have any idea of global government. I love it when they're like, it predicts a global government. It's like, yeah, I guess if you dig deep enough and make enough fucking connections and then add words to it.

Yeah, it did. Right. Yeah, it did. So did Nostradamus. If you fucking twist and turn his fucking words around and plan it onto something that happened today,

and then you twist it up and you'd be like, but this is like, it's like fucking analyzing a dream. You're just like at a point, you're just like, you're an asshole. Shut up. 10 heads of state that literally encompass every region of the world.

And out of these ten regions, it says one of these heads of state will be fatally wounded and become the Antichrist. Well, all it's going to take to throw us into a global situation is a global crisis. Well, fucking of course. No kidding, dude. What does that mean? going to take to throw us into a global situation is a global crisis. Well, fucking of course. No kidding, dude. What does that mean? What does that even mean? All it would take is a global crisis for us to be in a global situation. If there was a global crisis, it literally could not

otherwise be a global situation. All it would take is a food item to put us in a dinner situation. Shut up. Shut up. You're an idiot. All it would take is the definition of to put us in a dinner situation shut up shut up you're an idiot all it would take is the definition of terms to define the terms which are being defined you're an idiot and let me tell you crisis dominoes are literally being stacked up in a row crisis dominoes do you get crazy bread with that i hope so because i know something about some crazy bread man i'll have extra crisis sauce

god's up there like y'all breaking the crisis dominoes hey y'all i've been i've been putting this crazy bread in the oven all day i got a a big heaping order of it, and it's got orange fucking hair. It's coming down right now for you. You want to talk about something that you're not sure how many horns are on its head. There he is right there. And any number of these different kinds of crisis could literally happen anytime. You could have any of the crisis domini. Yeah, no, I mean, the thing is, is that there's a lot of coupons.

And you get to clip and choose your coupon based on what you want that day. It's double crisis Tuesday. Absolutely. It felt like it. I'll tell you what. You get a bull go. No, we actually got three for one. We got a House, a Senate, and a presidency.

Oh, shit. Oh, we got a Trump and a Pence. Pardon me. We call that a czar now. I mean, I hate to say something like this could happen next week, but you know, we're going to probably talk about what's happening with Russia and the US. You know, we're going head to head at what could be a nuclear war. And a year and a half to two years ago, we was talking about the Psalms 83 war. Oh yeah, we was. We was talking about the Psalms

84. That's what we was doing. That when the first bombs go off in the Middle East, first nuclear bomb in 70 years, it'll cause a global panic. Yeah, no kidding. Well, fucking of course that would cause a global panic? Yeah, no kidding. Well, fucking of course that would cause a global panic. Fucking of course.

If a nuclear bomb goes off. Yeah, but he's saying it's definitely gonna do it. I know, but fucking the response would of course be a panic. Yeah, well, I'm calm. If you were calm about it, something would be wrong with you. Be like, well, I don't know what I'm getting a sandwich.

I'm going to be lamenting the fact that I didn't get a fuel-less generator. That what? I can put outside so when the fucking nuclear ash falls on top of it, it doesn't generate any electricity? That actually seems like the worst possible generator. Somebody go. Somebody immune to radiation, please go outside and brush the dust off of our solar panels, which are fragile and somehow survived a nuclear apocalypse.

It's the dumbest generator you could possibly have in a nuclear situation. It's the worst. It's the actual worst. I think the one step below that is having a hamster outside in a wheel that generates electricity because the hamster dies right away. I know, right? The hamster. It dies right away. Actually, I'd probably eat it for food before the nuclear holocaust.

I'd look outside and be like, no, I'm going to have a hamster. I'll just spin the wheel with my finger. We literally, if our politicians want to create chaos before this election, let me tell you, they've got their ducks in a row. I have a prophetic word that was given to me, and I'm not going to give it today, so don't get scared, Lori. Wait, is he talking about the Lord or who? Lori.

Oh. Lori, he referred to as. Oh, I thought he said Lord. No, he's talking to the bobblehead. Don't get scared. Don't get scared, honey. I'm not going to scare you. I have a prophetic word from the Lord, but I'm not going to tell you about it.

Last time we heard this fuckwit talk or maybe a different prophet fuckwit, didn't they say like God gives the word to the prophets, so the prophets could then tell the people? Isn't that what it's for? Wouldn't God be a little pissy about this? Like, hey, y'all, I done told Jim Baker. Yeah, I'm not going to tell the people. Isn't that what it's for? Wouldn't God be a little pissy about this? Like, hey, y'all, I done told Jim Baker. Yeah, I'm not going to tell anyone else. Well, why the fuck I tell you?

Well, I'll just put it in the Gazette, then. A known prophet says that two atomic bombs shortly will hit the United States of America. I'm not saying that's true. I'm just saying... I'm not saying it's true. I'm just saying buckets are on sale for $99.95. By the way...

I bet he transitions to buckets before the four minutes. I hope so. I'm just picking up a lot of garble on the internet. on the internet. On the internet. I get my information from 4chans. The 4chans.

On the networks. You know what I'm saying. Just hearing the word, John. Prophetic chatter. Prophetic internet chatter? What are you, at the prophetic chat room? I hate these people. Yeah. Yeah.

Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. This is terrific. This is John Guadalupe, Muslim cab drivers, airport workers, convenience store owners, part of coordinated insurgency. Oh, my God. Here we go. You see Muslims who are in the biggest cities primarily driving cabs at the airports, baggage handling.

I mean, I just was in Arizona, and when I briefed law enforcement, the guy who's the manager for training baggage handlers at Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport for American Airlines is a Hamas leader. He's a Hamas leader. And he's also the baggage screener. He's a part-time leader a Hamas leader. He's a Hamas leader. And he's also the baggage screener. He's a part-time leader of Hamas. That's a part-time job now. I'm only the Hamas leader 20 hours a week. I do this for the benefits.

The best part is he works from home. Fuck. Who believes that? All you have to do is say out loud the thing you're saying out loud. It's that fucking patently absurd. A Hamas leader. I love it. That's fucking amazing.

And I'm like, do you think he's in that position? Like accidentally? No, I think he's in that position because he applied for it. I think he's in that position because he's not a Hamas leader and he needed a job. If you go to the biggest cities and you see in the most prominent hotels, the manager or assistant manager, and that goes for Colorado, they're Muslim. How do you know? How do you know?

Because they look more as Muslims. And that's not even true. It's just like not even true. I know. It is patently not true. I stay in hotels in the city of Chicago. It's a pretty big city, right? I stay in a hotel probably once a month, and I stay in nice hotels, so big hotels in the city. And the fucking like i'll tell you what if you go to the fucking you know the more expensive the four five hundred dollar a night hotels in the city they're fucking entirely white people at the front

desk there's never anything but attractive white people yeah a hundred percent of the time they're more attractive than you they make good money and they're standing at that because that's like that's who they're catering to sure they're not it's not true and it's not possible to know yeah yeah i mean exactly because like when i go into a hotel how the fuck do i find out who the assistant manager and the manager is i never interact with them the only person i'm gonna interact with is the guy behind the counter and the person who maybe comes by and brings an extra towel and maybe the guy who opens the door for me and that's in a really expensive hotel. And in the shitty hotels, the guy you only see is the guy at the front desk or the girl at the front desk.

That's all you see. You don't ever fucking, like, you're not walking in hotels and being like, I would like to speak to the manager and assistant manager and find out exactly what ethnicity they are. Could you bring them out to the front, please, so I can look at them and skin shame them? Is that a possibility? Like, you're fucking, what are you doing? You're not doing that. You're a liar.

You're fucking lying, man. Maybe he gives a religious test every time he checks in. Like, I'd like you to... Yeah, can you identify this thing that has two lines that intersect? Is that a possibility? Are you a crescent or cross kind of guy? Like, hmm. Can I tempt you with a crescent rule? Hmm.

Now, I just want to ask, what's the statistical probability of that? Well, since it's not happening, it's fucking 100%. And I will tell you, it's zero. Well, fucking we agree on that. Yeah, no shit. I'm right there with you. So that means there's an intentionality about it.

Why are they driving the shuttle buses at the airport? Primarily, not 100%, but at some of the major airports. That's fucking bullshit, too, because I've flown in and out of plenty of airports, and you know who drives those buses most of the time? Black guys. Black guys and black girls. That's who I normally see

driving those buses. Well, how do we know they're not Muslim black guys, right? I mean, seriously, man. We're talking about like, and you know, it's like it's not fucking, it's that the problem that you're running into is that they're different than you, right? They're less than you, and that's what you're pointing out. You're not

pointing out whether or not they're Muslim. You didn't fucking ask them to fucking read you a verse of the Quran, you dipshit. What you did was walk in and be like, that guy looks a little dark. He's not the same as me, and I am afraid. Checkmark! That's all I need is one thing. They're on my list of people to be afraid

of and now he's going to sell us fear. That's what he's doing. He's selling us fear. Why are they buying up quick Mart 7-Elevens in areas and local hotels? You have to look at this from their perspective, everything they're doing. Why are they building huge $100 million mosques in areas where there are like 100 or 90 Muslims?

You know, there may be 80 Muslims. I don't believe that that's happening. That's an asinine thing to do. It's a waste of money. There's no reason to do it. They say that, and then they never cite where it's happening. Yeah, I know. Like, fucking give me one place where there's 99 Muslims

and fucking, you know, it's like... $100 million mosque. It's a million dollars per individual. Because when they, as we talked about yesterday, when they build a mosque, they're claiming territory. Now all they have to do is occupy it. What does that mean? Well, they say that they fucking own it. That's their fucking territory.

But wait a minute. But I just bought it. I fucking went to a person and I said, here's my money for your thing. And now I own it. And then I can stand there. It's like my house. I claim that territory. It's it. And then I can stand there. It's like my house. Fucking I claim that territory. It's got the flag of fucking Cecil on it.

It's mine. I fucking paid for it. What the fuck are you talking about? That's exactly the point, though, right? Like, if they're already here, they're already claiming territory by virtue of they live somewhere. Right? So they've already, like like do they all have to claim a collective territory in order for it to count more we are they fucking they

reach their hands across america and be like no there's a border i know i can now i claim that i claim this country for the king of mosques and such like what so they're calling muslims to occupy the land all of this they have an intentional plan also all plans are intentional that's fucking redundant that isn't necessarily super redundant annoying it's like 2 p.m in the afternoon there's no 2 p.m that's not in the afternoon atm machine right i hate you i hate you so much and it's's based in Islamic doctrine, and they're putting it to work through what they're doing. And what are we doing? We are the sovereign. White people.

The Whites. Whiteys. The Whites. Hey, guys. Come on. Everybody with me? Whites. All right.

As David Barton and Bill Fetter and Tim Barton mentioned. And other liars. And other prominent whites. We're the sovereign of this nation. And we've been sitting on our hands. And we've been sitting around complaining. Oh, the president's this. Well, what are you doing?

So if we look at the level of penetration. I don't make it that far in, but I make it count when I do. I'll tell you what. I don't look. Normally my eyes are closed. But I feel the level of penetration. I don't make it that far in, but I make it count when I do. I'll tell you what. I don't look. Normally my eyes are closed, but I feel the level of penetration. I'll tell you what. My level of penetration is always 100% of what I have to offer. Exactly, yeah.

It's not a lot. It's not a lot, but I make up for it in effort. That they've made from a military perspective, this is an insurgency. This is stupid. It's technically a movement, which is a little different, but it likens itself to an insurgency. A movement is a little, first of all, it's not a movement. Like, they're just people with jobs.

Even granting, even granting all of his absurd premises. Even granting that they all called each other ahead of time and said, hey, guys, want to move to America? Right. And do insurgency stuff? But so far, they're granting. Can America? Right. And do insurgency stuff? But so far, their grand plan. Can I sign you up for my insurgency? Their grand plan, according to his premises, are to drive shuttle buses and sell Twinkies.

That's his grand plan. I got to find out. Is that as seriously the grand? Is that as far as it gets, just that they just happen to do a certain job? How is he going to connect the dots? He's got another minute or so, but, like, and I can even understand the airport baggage handler piece, right? Like, I can get crazy. I guess, yeah.

But the goddamn 7-Eleven? Yeah, but— What if you're the 7-Eleven clerk? Yeah, what are you going to do? I don't know. Poison the Twinkie. Like, I didn't refill the slurping machine. Fuck you, America.

I didn't count the five second rule when I dropped that fucking Frank on the ground and put it back on its weird little roller thing. And in a counterinsurgency, the tip of the spear are local police. Okay. And you have to have local citizens who will put positive pressure on local city councils so that the police chief will be emboldened to do the right thing. And to do that, his police force have to be trained to understand the threat. And then you use everything available to go after these organizations. What organization? What is the organization of people going to work?

The Fraternal Order of fucking bus drivers? What the fuck are we talking about here? I don't know what... He hasn't... He's only got 30 seconds to make me scared so far. I'm not scared at all. I'm not scared. I don't even have a fucking scared chubby.

I'm more scared of like Fred Flintstone, the Fraternal Order of the Water Bottle. Meanwhile, what are you doing in the community? Are you educating people? Are you praying You don't have a fucking scared chubby. I'm more scared of like Fred Flintstone turning on the water bottle. Meanwhile, what are you doing in the community? Are you educating people? Are you praying? Are you asking the Lord, what should I do? And yeah, you should go talk to this guy. Are you praying or asking God what to do?

Exactly. Hold on, what's your plan for action? I don't know. I thought I'd look up at the sky and wonder real hard. Everybody in here has people in their circles that have influence in the community, whether it be a pastor, someone in law enforcement, someone that works for the water commission, somebody that works somewhere. What is the water commission guy going to do about the guy driving a shuttle bus?

What is he going to do? Turn off the water to his house? Somebody's got to move to the water commission. We turn off the water to the 7-Eleven because that guy who's a Muslim was doing nothing wrong but selling lottery tickets. I'm so

thirsty. Shut up, Mohammed. What does that mean? What does that mean? That's so stupid. It's the dumbest shit I've ever heard. And all I'm going to do is go to my guy who works at the water commission and be like, oh, I'm scared. I don't know why.

And he's going to be like, holy shit, you've convinced me. There's Muslims and they're selling hot dogs. And I don't know what to do. You guys have water? I don't know. So isn't it interesting that Muslims are going into those positions of the electrical grid, the water supply, all these little local and county positions? You didn't even mention those until now.

A minute ago, they were driving shuttle buses and selling us Slurpees. Now, the concern, obviously, is if this isn't bottled up in San Francisco, this kind of nonsense, then it's going to be spreading across the entire fruited plain, and you're going to be going to your Burger King in Des Moines, Iowa, and you're going to have a rainbow-colored wrapper for your Whopper. This is Rick Scarborough. Pedophilia will be renamed happy and legalized. It's going to be renamed legalized? What a weird thing to call pedophilia. So strange.

I guarantee Adams and Madison and these guys would have never allowed a court to tell them, hey, you know what? To heck with God. We're going to let men who have sex with men get married and let them adopt children. Let them adopt children? What an asshole. I hate it when people do that.

When they're like, you're gay. You can't have an adopted kid. Yeah, those kids, they're better off being raised by the state. That's what he's saying. Yeah, that's just awful and stupid. And also, there's no data that they have that plays out in the fact that gay people are inept and they cannot raise children. That's a stupid thing to say.

Well, but you're operating on the assumption that they value data at all. Well, I'm also operating on the assumption that they value, that they would value in some way gay people. Yeah, or children. You know what I mean? Or children. So the things you, in order to hold that view, right, the things you have to devalue, gay people, children, and data. Yeah.

But as long as those things aren't important to you, then that's a perfectly reasonable position to hold. And since they, you know they can't have babies, they can just adopt yours and recruit them into the movement. If they're yours, they're not yours anymore because you gave them up, you douchebag. You didn't love them. If you didn't

love them, then why the fuck can't somebody else? Well, I guess he could be fear-mongering that I could die. Let's say I died and had no family, then my kids became wards of the state. And then they were adopted. somebody else yeah well i guess you know he he could be fear-mongering that like you know i could die let's say i died and had no family then my kids became wards of the state and then they were adopted the world has that i mean very few so i know i know i know but i'm i'm i believe me i know yeah i know no one is adopting my kids because it's like like nobody's nobody's knocking on the door well there's like there's like 25 people in line to get your kids right i mean it's just like

like even if my brother i don't even talk to died like there would be like 10 people in line to get his kids be like no not that person no not that person i could i could die my ex-wife could die and there's yeah you're right i mean the number of people who would take in my children before they became wards of the state yeah i mean we're talking about like fucking like like plague levels of people i have to die in order for somebody to get like most kids. Right. Yes. And eventually all the statistics will change and the approval of homosexuality will go up and up and up because nobody stops it.

Well, wait a minute. What is he saying? That everyone's going to start to like homosexuality if we just give it a chance? Is that really what he just said? I mean, he's implying that unless we get real mad about this, the statistics are going to show that we're not real mad about this. Yeah, no, we can be gay bros and dick bump. Let's do this.

What's next? Pedophiles? Pedophilia? No. No? Totally different thing. Totally different thing. It turns out one has consent and one doesn't. Oh, you hadn't thought about that, did you? Gotcha! Pepper! Fucking twat. Because children can't consent. What next bestiality yeah no that doesn't have consent either dummy yeah totally

wildly divergent issue marrying your computer no that's an inanimate object again nice try again it's like we've heard all these fucking arguments and they're all terrible right it's like what they do is they strip away enough context yeah to make it meaningless and then they keep the pieces of context they like right so i was reading something the other day it's like well you know the problem with like love is love is that you know like what's next you could love a child or like whatever and it's like no love is love but then you have to you have to include the context of what homosexual relationships really are which is between consenting adults.

Sure. If you get rid of consent and you get rid of adult, well, you've changed the entirety of the equation, right? Because we already don't allow heterosexual marriages that are not between consenting adults. Sure. Between consenting adults is the implied foundational buttress upon which all marriage is built, heterosexual or homosexual. Yeah, right. So no one is suggesting we remove that.

It's fucking nonsense. I'm not a prophet, nor the same son of a prophet, but you know, when we called homosexuality instead of sodomy gay, it changed everything because everybody wants to be gay. What are you talking about? Oh, because gay means happy? Gay means happy. You see, back in my day, when we used to have bowler hats and canes

and we would do a little dance once in a while down over at the pavilion. Fucking idiot. Yeah, and a fag was a pile of sticks at one point. But, you know, words and definitions do change over time and take on other... He's right about that in the sense that they prefer to be called gay, at least we've found out. Than sodomite.

Than sodomite or homosexual even. Sure. Yeah, they prefer it. Yeah. But it's like, the thing is, okay, so they want to change the language around in which they're approached because it turns out they have rights. Okay. Yeah. And plus, you know what's super weird?

People don't like being insulted. And when I insult people, sometimes they push back like, hey, man, stop being a total dick bag. And I'm always like, huh, back in my day, I was able to impress you. What the fuck's happening to the world? My Bible says you're shitty. I'm like, okay. So let's just change pedophilia to happy.

And we'll have all kinds of leagues of happy people. We'll lobby for happy people. Who wants to keep somebody from being happy? First of all, there's not fucking lots of people who want to fuck kids. Yeah, there's not leagues of... I mean, unless you're including your priests. I mean, if you want to lump them in there, then sure. Yeah.

Your religious institutions have a terrible history of fucking kids. Yeah. I think maybe you protest too much. Yeah, exactly. Like maybe you, maybe he's like, you know,

I really want to fuck some kids. Yeah. I'll be amazing if that was my deal. Can we get on board with that? Anyone who's clapping for this? Huh? No. If you're happy and you know,

I clap your hands. I don't know how long we've got, but I intend to burn out rather than rust out. I intend to fight this until there's no longer a battle to fight. If it keeps going in the direction it's going, what I'm doing will become illegal. And when it becomes illegal, then I'll break the law. Oh, big man.

What a big man. You know what I'll do? I'll break laws I'm not breaking now. Yeah, one day when it becomes illegal to podcast, I'm going to break the law, Tom. I'm going to podcast. I'm going to podcast and break the law. It fucking means nothing.

When it becomes illegal to hug my wife, I'm going to hug my wife. I'm going to hug your wife, too. No, you're not. Not without a broken fucking arm, you're not. I can't even give her a hug. Not now, you can't even give her a hug. Not now you can't.

Not with one arm. It'd be a terrible hug. Could it be a Christian side hug? Some things you do, whether it's legal or not, because it's right, folks. Every pastor in America is going to have to make a decision soon about what he's going to do

when he's demanded to conduct a gay wedding. Nobody's going to demand that you conduct a gay wedding. No one has ever asked. You know what would be a really shitty wedding? Is a wedding... That would be the shittiest

wedding ever. Can you imagine? We'd be like, he's like, I don't wanna be here, but I have to do it. Right? Oh, this is the worst day of my life. I hate gays. I'd like to read from the book of Leviticus could you imagine how shitty that would be nobody wants that nobody wants

their wedding officiated by somebody who's begrudgingly doing nobody wants somebody to make him a cake fucking and ejaculate it and then turn it over like fucking frost over the hole you know nobody wants that cake no you know and that's the thing that they don't get is that if you don't like gay people, that's awesome. Just stay out of professions that are forced to cater to them. And guess what? Religion is never going to have that happen. Religion is never going to have that happen.

There's not a single person out there that's like, hey, man, they should be forced to give fucking gay ceremonies. I can't imagine a person out there that's like, hey, man, they should be forced to give fucking gay ceremonies. I can't imagine a person out there that's like. There's no law that's going to be passed. It's like, I need the Pope to marry every gay person. Stop. Just stop. So I want to take a moment to talk about our sponsor, AdamandEve.com.

We are pretty excited here at Cognitive Dissonance to be working with AdamandEve.com, mainly because we feel like we have a pretty sex-positive show. And we want to make sure our listeners have a good time, enjoy themselves. And if they want to be adventurous, they want to enjoy sex, AdamandEve.com has a ton of stuff for you to do just that. do just that. And I think another great thing about using a website for sex toys and DVDs and things that pertain to sex is that it's discreet, right? There's sometimes people don't want to walk in and ask for the dildo with the 20 D cell batteries. They would like to maybe order that online. This will give you an opportunity to do something like that. You can go to adamandeve.com, pick something out, and it's discreet. It's delivered to you. And you don't have to worry about talking to somebody who really has no business knowing what it is you do in private. The best part is we're going to

save you a little money. If you go there right now, go to adamandeve.com, you'll get 50% off just about any item. When you select one item at 50%, you'll also receive three adult DVDs plus a free mystery gift. And to top it all off, they're going to throw in free shipping for the entire order. All you have to do is go to adamandeve.com, use the code word GLORY at checkout. That's G-L-O-R-Y, and you'll save a bunch of money, get free shipping, and get some free stuff. Well, this is going to be the last Vululgurity for Charity that we do, Tom, and I'm excited to get started. I'm disappointed that it's ending.

I know. It was a lot of fun. Too bad we don't have the other guys here with us. That was also a lot of fun to work with them as well. Well, I, for one, am glad that they're not here. I'm just saying. I know. This is a treat. It's a treat to not have to tolerate

those guys. I guess that's what I'm saying. Alright, so we gotta go back just a bit because on a previous Vulgarity for Charity episode, we wound up skipping over one person during the I'd fuck her butt segment. This is for Sarah, who donated on behalf of her brother Garrett.

Oh, I know how to do this. I'd fuck her butt. Well, I'd meet you in the middle. That's brotherhood. I'm going to go a little more in depth like most of the people Sarah know. They just use a little more lube. Sarah here is dressed up for a Star Trek convention, and I would definitely go where many, many, many men

have gone before. Clean up an aisle sarah all right so we got to move along here because the rest of the list has literally zero people anyone would fuck by consent okay uh there are several people who donated and wanted us to roast them. Target lock, cue beeping sound. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Roast Angie, Henrik, Lawrence, and for good measure, Andy, but include his friend Clint, Brandon, but include his fiance April,

and Michael, and include his fiance Courtney. All right. Angie wanted me to call her out for being lazy, and as someone lazy, I'm happy to do this. Angie, let me tell you how this ends from bitter personal experience. It starts with you shirking this task or that responsibility. No big deal, right? Sometimes we all sleep until 2 p.m.

and spend the day masturbating over and over again to the Lane Bryant catalog. But it's insidious, Angie. Before you know it, you're covered in body hair in places you're unsure should be hairy. There's a smell coming from some soft skin tag covered body fold you can't reach. And in shorter order than you are willing to admit, you're thinking, I probably don't need all my teeth. Oh, Jesus. When the neighbors call because of the odor, you are that one rare case that isn't decomposing. But sitting covered in your own filth and newspapers, capable only of

a soft, guttural moan as you're forklifted from your own house. Heinrich. Heinrich. Touch of advice for you, good man. I know you think you're happy and you married the first woman to give you the time of day. Nice story, bro. But as one chubby, middle-aged

man with a shitty, wispy beard to another, actually, two pieces of advice. First, buy a lockbox, put cash in it, and bury it. Oh, fuck. You're going to need it. And no matter what, don't videotape yourself fucking her sister, okay? No one wins here. Lawrence, you asked me to be mean to you, and while I'm generally happy to oblige,

I'm so turned off by your emasculated, submissive, do-me-harder-master, subservient attitude that try as I might, I can't even sustain an erection hard enough to smack you with, no matter how much you beg me for the dick. That's the sign it makes. That's it. That's it. Andy, Clint, really?

A picture of you two guys at Burning Man? Fucking Burning Man? You couple of patchouli off-gassing dipshits wouldn't remember through your fucking peyote-addled brains if I did or didn't insult you. So what's the point? And what would I say about a couple of drum circle jerks who purposely drive their stinking, unshowered,

hygiene-free asses out to the desert to see which dreadlocked hippie chick can give the other chlamydia first. Tag, yep. Hey, Brandon. Is there any glue out there that you can touch it? Like, I don't get chlamydia. No, we all end up with it.

Hey, Brandon. You know that saying about not marrying a woman named after a day, month, or season? No? Didn't think so, seeing as how you're about to irrevocably join your life to April. So I thought I'd help you out, write a touch of your nuptials. Do you, April, promise to take Brandon into your mouth and receive his seed, even when he's been out all day in the sun,

planting a goddamn garden he doesn't even care about just to make you happy? Oh, God. Do you promise to try to make eye contact with his stinking, sweating cock ramming your uvula and the stink of his taint in your nose while his belly slaps you in the face because he's getting fatter and fatter every year eating his feelings to put up with your never-ending bullshit demands?

God damn it. I now pronounce you pre-divorced. Pre-divorced? Everybody you pre-divorced. Pre-divorced? Everybody is pre-divorced. Everybody that's married is pre-divorced. And oh, hey, Michael and Courtney, contrary to your email, I don't hate women. I like women. And Michael, I really liked Courtney.

Oh, no. Well, I didn't like her, but those, like, like her, like her. But those other two dudes that I was fucking her mouth with did. Anyway, happy engagement to you and your cock-loving whore wife. Oh, my God. You told me to do this, guys. I did. You asked me for this.

Okay, so we got a slew of Trump supporters here, Tom, to roast. So I thought I would let you have at them. In January, when he's sworn in, this sort of thing is going to be illegal. And I, for one, welcome our new apricot-colored overlord. So here is a group of roasties. Let's call them Orange Shirts. Sean wants you to roast Alan.

Martin wants us to roast Michael's father. Cheryl is asking us to go after her brother, Sean. Matt requests Kenny. Kyle insists you insult his friend, Evan. And finally, Brandon wants you to rip into his dad. Gato. Yeah, all right. Trump supporters, really.

At this point in history, I'm trying to do something more disgusting than supporting Trump, something even remotely analogous to voting for Trump. An orange shirt is like the guy in the restaurant who calls the waitress sweetheart and smacks her ass. An orange shirt is like that guy who waits all day for the chance to pull you aside and tell you how he's worried about property values

gesturing to the black family at the barbecue. No, actually, none of that's quite enough. A Trump voter is the very essence and symbol of American greed, conspicuous consumption, and excess. A desire to have mine and protect theirs no matter who it hurts or how. A Trump voter is a special and horrifying combination of avarice and stupidity, mixed with a kind of dickless, self-loathing and internalized hatred that spurs to action only the weakest, most mean-spirited parts of us. A Trump supporter

is the political call of the void, the desire to burn and destroy everything regardless of consequences. It's a political murder-suicide. It's the hateful call to share the impotent, shitty, pathetic, gutless rage of the already privileged. Also, I hear they hate puppies.

All right. We have another round of horrible bosses and former bosses to insult. And like a good boss, I'm delegating. So Cecil, roast Johan's former boss, Peter. Andy's former boss, Ken. Matthew's current boss, Chuck. And Vince's boss. And if you can have that on my desk by 5, that would be great.

All right, so Peter has that I bet you can't guess what I was searching for on the deep web look on his face. His hairstyle is a mixture of Wolverine and Jerry Seinfeld. What's the deal with Adamantian claws? Ken looks like David Hasselhoff's chubbier cousin ate the straight man from Rocky Horror Picture Show. He kind of laid down right on the floor and sort of took his shirt off and just fucking ate him.

Open mouth, chewing, shooing people away while they're trying to film him hiding in his own back hair. I think Chuck should have started a real Dow company instead of a professional puppet shop since he seems to be the kind of guy who would micromanage a hand job that doesn't involve him. And Vince's boss checks the margins with a ruler, not because he's a stickler for accuracy, but because he's very familiar with things that are a fraction of an inch. I would say this guy spends all day flexing nuts, but that would require muscle and descended testicles. Oh. All right, Cecil.

To go along with horrible bosses, we have terrible coworkers. So, Cecil, in a passive-aggressive email, please roast Frank's former business partner, Bob, and Team Ramrod's shitty coworker, John. To the third floor cubicles, subject, office policy. This is the third time this week that we were very loudly regaled about the filming of a gay porn spoof film, Diners, Drive-Ins, and Glory Holes, by a coworker who will remain unnamed but resembles Guy Fieri. And will the owner of an Audi S10 please move his car? He's double parked at the reception desk. There's a crying Jesus fish on the bumper and license plate read Bob's fifth wife. Oh, shit.

All right, Cecil. Here are two people on social media that I want you to insult as if you're leaving a comment on a YouTube video, which would be insulting no matter what that was. It's really actually very easy. Right. insulting no matter what that was. It's really actually very easy. Right. So Keegan wants us to insult Rich Borge from the Reason Nugget Facebook page

and Leone, Johnners, and Lyra, the interdimensional cat, want you to drub the skeptical beard. All right. So this is from Kill All SJWs. OMFG. Rich is such a shit stain. Hey, Rich, the Reason Nugget is the first thing we're going to cut out of you after this Trump victory. Too bad you'll probably kill yourself OMFG Rich is such a shit stain Hey Rich The reason nugget

Is the first thing We're gonna cut out of you After this Trump victory Too bad you'll probably Kill yourself Before we can get to you Kill yourself Exclamation point

Exclamation point Exclamation point One one Exclamation point Exclamation point This is from David Duke 1860

Nice fucking Hipster beard You look like a fucking elf came glitter all over your fat fucking douchey face. I hope you get mouth raped by the guy from Seven with a bladed cock. Down thumb. So, for the next set, we have extended

families, specifically brothers and sisters-in-law. And anytime we deal with the law, we invite our legal expert, David Smalley, to come on. David? So, we sent David the script and he replied with, quote, Jesus Christ, no fucking way, unquote. So at first we were a little worried because we needed someone to do it. But then we decided to call in David Smalley's stunt voice to record for him. It's not actually David Smalley, but an incredible simulation. Just a quick disclaimer. I didn't write any of this.

I don't even know why I agreed to do this, and I regret every decision that led me here. Okay. All right. Look, TJ, this is a message directly from me to you, man. Believe me, I'm trying to help. It's time to man up. And by man up, what I mean is, it's time to take care of your family. And from the way you're described, here's my suggestion on how best to do that. Kill yourself, TJ. That's right. I am telling you, TJ, to end your life. You are terrible. You are a monster of the highest order. noxious brand of monsterism is to take that gun you carry everywhere and stop cheating on your wife just long enough to put nine millimeters of lead line good decisions through that ugly, worthless dome of yours. Jill, I have to tell you, the world doesn't revolve around you.

It revolves around me, David Smalley. The world, in fact, doesn't care about you at all. And do you know why, Jill? Because despite being a self-centered, attention-whoring, child-traumatizing cunt of the lowest possible order, the world actually doesn't care about you or about your pain and trauma. You, in fact, are so deeply and perfectly irrelevant. You affect so little change for good in the world that when you inevitably shuffle off this mortal coil, the only response the world will breathe is the faintest sigh of relief for not having to support your girth. Steve, dude, I read your poem sermons.

Holy shit, dude, that's not your calling. In fact, words themselves are not your calling. As in, stop using them. Now. Forever. You are literally terrible at this. No, that's not quite enough. To be safe, for the safety of no one ever having to hear or read any wild, ill-informed concoction of diarrheal letter combinations, you should remove the wagging, useless tongue from your inbred face and break in turn all of your fingers.

Really, any part of your body you might even accidentally use to communicate your shitty thoughts. Just destroy that. Forever. You are literally the actual worst writer of all time. This will be true in perpetuity and across all possible universes. And Susan, I don't know which of you is, well, you in the photo provided, but I think it suffices to say, given the horror show that I just viewed, that it doesn't matter. I don't believe in acid attacks, but in your case, maybe it's Maybelline. Thanks for being amazing, David, and always taking the low road because you can't see over the wall to take the high one.

Oh, shit. All right. We have people in relationships that want their current significant others roasted. So since I am not amazing at relationshiping. You really aren't, though. I'm really not. Fucking truth. you really aren't though i'm really not your on base percentage is good and you're slugging percentage is fine it's fine yeah it's just it's just runs bad and it's really low so yeah i am a monster cecil i, I'm really not that bad.

Oh, pretty bad. Cecil, here are a few people to roast. Amy's boyfriend, TJ, Becky's husband, Rodney, Garrett's partner, and LeHu's boyfriend, John. LeHua. That's what I said. LeHu's. All right. So TJ's outfit looked like he couldn't make a decision between unemployed attorney or

employed legal secretary. I like the vest with the little chain on it. It's like the tiny rope they use to secure the Hindenburg. Oh, the humanity. Rodney looks like Jesse Pinkman in his prime meth years. I've never seen dimples so big. They look like they meet in the center of his face. He's like the human emoji of someone overdosing.

Oh, no. That's awesome. I don't want to say too much about garrett's partner except that she looks in that partnership she's probably the majority shareholder in the photo it says that you're jello wrestling but it looks like someone just interrupted dessert and you are very angry about it i know that feeling so this is for lahua who said that uh john's dick game is great. Judging by his gut, I would suspect that the game is hide and go seek. He looks like he hasn't found it in years.

That's why he likes his dog so much. I mean, they can find things with their sense of smell, like dead bodies after a building collapses. And flaccid things that smell terrible under a huge pile of mass is terribly analogous. So here's a special request, Tom. Christopher wants you to insult Ozzy. Alright, and this is not Ozzy Osbourne, by the way. This is actually some shithead. So Ozzy is the kind of

guy who, after a round of pitiable, short-lived, limp-dick, selfish lovemaking, cries himself to sleep. Who doesn't, though? I mean, come on. Ozzy is the sort of guy who treats women badly because he knows, he fucking knows, that deep inside, that part of him that he can't even kill with alcohol, that what he really wants is just to slip his hand under the house dress of his morbidly obese mother,

feel past the crunch of her gray pubic hair, and pleasure himself to the feeling of slipping one finger into her dry, sad, papery vagina with the smell of her poor hygiene and Virginia Slims filling his nostrils. Such a fucking gross pig. That's the worst thing. It's so gross. You're doing the thing.

You're doing the... Jesus, man. Oh, that's good. So we got a ton of people asking us to insult their friends. So Cecil, I'm going to pass this on to you and ask that you be nice and only insult these people with backhanded insults and faux compliments. Travis's friend Brian, Amy's friend Zach, Matthew's buddy Kia, Bob and Ryan's friend Brian, Logan's friend Randall,

and other Logan's friend Connor. At first I mistook Brian for Steve Jobs after he refused treatment for his stage four pancreatic cancer. You may not have his money and smarts, Brian, but you do have his looks and his diseases. Win-win. This looks like a great photo of Zach. It's him smiling with a water bottle seemingly hanging midair in front of him. And we should try to capture these life, these sort of unique life moments, like the only time in your life when something is both wet and quivering

in front of you. I think we all have to respect Kia and his culturally appropriated costume from a few years ago. He was dressed up as a terrorist. Well, Kia, they say dress for the job you want, not the one you have. Besides, he can't dress for the job he has without carrying

a wall with a hole around it everywhere he goes. Oh no! I love the dick name, Brian. His friends love calling him Dick Hands. And, I mean, that's really nice having them name the part of his body he's had closest to a pussy a dick. It's very sweet of him. I mean, they call his mom Dick Mouth, too. Oh, shit. And another great photo for Randall.

That surprise look is great. And this might not be the most appropriate face for the birth of your child. You have to understand that the skin's going to lighten out after a few days. And it may not ever be the exact skin tone. And the hair possibly will straighten out just a bit. Oh, shit. We'll see. Fingers crossed.

And we're so proud of Connor. I mean, he was in that movie, the sequel to Never Been Kissed. You know, never been fucked. Well, he wasn't a star. He was one of the extras in the virgin support group. And yeah, they reached out to him to be in the movie when they found out that's actually what he does on the weekends. And the kids in that group are so good at Super Smash Brothers. So, so good.

As someone who knows how to deal with exes, Tom, Brigitte asks for you to insult her sister's ex-fiance, Paul. Paul, holy shit. I just read two sentences about you that make me want to break your fucking mouth and fuck the whole of your face. So I'm going to try to do this insult in two sentences because thinking about you any longer than it takes to do this makes me worried I'll never be able to get hard again. about you any longer than it takes to do this makes me worried I'll never be able to get hard again. Paul is the sort of guy who, when he finally burns his trailer down, passed out drunk,

the fire that consumes his bony, worthless body started from the stub of his cheap menthol that landed on the polyester carpet of his life, has to be buried in a pauper's grave, not because he doesn't have family, but because his family has so long ago recognized the utter worthlessness of his character that to even dispose

of him properly isn't worth the effort. Oh hey, I did it in one! That's true. Cecil, as our resident geek, we have several geeky requests. Please insult Del Shons for Cassie, Dave and Monica for David, Jerry's friend Mike, and Connor

for Echo. Del Shons looks like he just got his sack caught in the CG drive of one of his cheap fucking shitty computers. He looks like something that burst from someone's chest in a John Carpenter movie climbed on top of his head. Dave looks like what you would get when someone licks to the center of a Tootsie Pop. A shiny, shapeless glob of an unidentified substance. Oh shit, that's Monica. Dave looks like the dork that licked her. Oh God.

Oh, that's terrible. And I know you play murder mysteries with Mike, Jerry, but I would caution you to stay away from his basement. I don't mean the murder mystery pretend world. I mean in real fucking life. I've never seen a guy more likely to have 10-year-olds in the concrete of his basement floor. Oh shit.

That look on his eyes says, how much do you know? And can I dissolve you in a barrel if I have to? Connor is the kind of guy that is 130 pounds soaking wet, and he's soaking wet because he just got done jacking off to an autographed picture of Jon Snow. The good thing... You too? The good thing is, Connor, after they cover up your ex-girlfriend's name with the hound's helmet from Game of Thrones,

you'll probably be able to transfer that tattoo into the ultrasound of your third bastard. Oh, shit! Shit! You're a real Robert Baratheon, minus all the manliness. Jesus Christ. All right, so, Tom, this one is for you. I'd like you to tap into some of your artistic talents. Write a poem on why Harambe deserved to die.

Also, Ricky, you're a monster. All right. This is just to say, I have killed the gorilla that was dragging the boy at which you were probably saving for looking at sometimes. Forgive me. People are more important, so human, and so not a goddamn caged gorilla.

You did it just the same way. How brilliant. That was perfect. That was perfect. We have a couple of teachers that are on the chopping block here. Cecil, I want you to insult these two educators as if you were writing a review for RateMyProfessor.org. Hertzieies teacher, Evan and I zoos ninth grade teacher.

All right. So this is a, for I zoos ninth grade teacher, Mrs. Kozek freshman English. Holy shit. This lady has the worst breath ever. She seriously smells like she ate fancy feast out of a hobo's ass.

Her teeth are so far apart and her gums are so red. She probably flosses with razor wire from the top of the fence at the sewage treatment plant. If you were in the front row of this class, I suggest slathering Vicks Vapor Rub over your upper lip like they did in Silence of the Lambs because she smells about as bad as a river course.

Good lord, man! That's amazing. Alright, so this is for Mr. Barshak. Someone needs to tell this guy just because you can add a transition to PowerPoint doesn't mean you should. If the fucking words for the next slide come galloping out from the side of the off screen one more time, I will not be responsible for my actions. We're talking full San Bernardino here. Shit. Shit.

All right. We have two evil stepmothers, Tom. Shit. All right. We have two evil stepmothers, Tom. In fairytale format, please roast Angela, Greg's stepmom, and Rebecca's real mom, Dorinda. All right. Once upon a time, there were two evil shitmothers, Angela and Dorinda.

And one sunny day, Angela and Dorinda were anally raped by a wizard wearing a bear with a two-foot-long barbed wire cock because Angela and Dorinda fucked up the one thing, the one fucking thing you aren't allowed to fuck up. And they fucking deserve it. The end. You missed your calling. Tom, Quentin wants us to insult his brother Nick and he's asking for our racist, so... All right, all right.

You know, I actually try to stay away from insulting people's looks, but in Nick's case, I'll make an exception. Nick looks like the kind of guy who goes for seconds after a prostate exam. This is gross. I think you missed a spot. I think you missed out. Go No, I think you missed it.

Go deeper next time. No, use the whole fist. Again. And again. Nick's face has the kind of half smile one might expect from someone housing a mind so vapid it's still pondering the mysteries of peekaboo. to his wife, who I can only assume gets some sort of government subsidy for letting him sweat for three minutes over her while she grits her teeth

and thinks about extreme couponing while he just gets it over with. Ooh, half-off hot dogs. Finally, and I do mean finally. Oh, we actually do mean finally. We do. This is like an actual final finally, as opposed to all those previous final

finals yeah see so as if you're closing out the show insult vina on behalf of leo okay so we want to thank all the people seriously though we want to thank all the people who donated to vulgarity for charity people are amazing you've done such a great job we raised twenty five thousand dollars for vulgarity for charity was not possible without you. Thank you so much. We're going to be doing an AMA next week with the Scathing Atheist guys. So if you have a question, you can go to the Scathing Atheist Facebook page and post it on that post. Or you can post it on our Facebook page.

There's a post there as well. Or you can send it to us, any question to us via email, dissonance.podcast.gmail.com. We also want to thank the hilarious Scathing Atheist crew, Eli, Noah, and Heath. They joined us several times. They let us join in on their show, and it was just an amazing bit of teamwork. I hope we get a chance to do this with them again. Not only was it effective, but it was a goddamn blast to do, and those guys are the hardest-working, funniest guys in podcasting. They're absolutely amazing.

I'll work with them anytime. They are, they're truly the, the very cream of the crop when it comes to atheist podcasting, which isn't saying a lot, but it is, but it's a low bar. And I am an, I am, I excel at the low bar. That's kind of, that's kind of my thing. I do want to echo that real quick. I want to echo both sentiments just very briefly, uh, you know, to have an opportunity to do something that feels so important, to raise money for modest needs, to just be a part of something like this was a privilege and an honor for me. And to work with the guys from the Scathing Atheist and GAM crew, man, they're just professionals. Like, they are professionals. And it's hard to find that in a hobby industry. For sure. And it's just such a pleasure and a privilege to work with those guys.

I also want to thank Veena for admitting that they actually did not suffer from SIDS and that being in remission from infant death syndrome is literally everyone that's alive. We also want to thank Veena for the photo, which was taken at the same angle as all their other photos are taken. A bad one.

And I had to be sure to use the proper pronouns because for the life of me i cannot tell the gender here i mean you're wearing a fucking pink and blue shirt for fuck's sake that's gonna wrap it up for vulgarity for charity it was a lot of fun thanks so much for donating we're sorry that this got cut and got shoved to the end uh a couple weeks later but there was just no way with the with the travel that we did that we could do this. But we want to thank everybody for being involved and everybody for joining in, and it was an absolute

blast. It was a hoot. It was a hoot. You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers! I want the truth! You can't handle the truth! Oh, so this is great. This is Jesse Lee Peterson, our favorite. Jesse Lee Peterson. One of our new favorites. We're going to probably have a whole show based on him soon.

We need to get around to that eventually. So he's the crux of his newest, craziest argument. Radical homosexuals making a perverted lifestyle a civil rights issue. Along the way, the government got involved in black Americans' lives, and they decided that the father could not be involved. If you want a welfare chat, you cannot have a father in the home. Nobody has ever said that. That's hyper-racist, too, by the way. That is insanely racist that you say.

If you want a welfare check, the father can't be in the home. That is not at all, that is not at all what any government program has ever said, initiated, or even implied. And so black Americans, supported by the so-called civil rights movement as well, Jesse Jackson and all those people, they supported the government becoming the daddy of the family and take them over so that they can take over the hearts and minds of black Americans. How? some black Americans. What the, how? Like, okay, so let's just say that they said you can't have a man in the house, right?

You can't have a father. And he leaves. What do they send, like, fucking pamphlets on? This is, I'm gonna be your daddy and here's how you're gonna, here's how I'm gonna do it? No, they just give you money.

Like, I don't understand. Like, they give you fucking money and groceries and food stamps. Like, how does that make them the, they're not fucking, they're not trying to teach you any values. They're not sending you anything. They're not doing anything except for giving you funds.

That's it. How does that turn you? How does that turn them into a daddy? Because I think the implication here is that what a man's responsibility is is to provide. How does that influence you, though? Hold on, because it's worse. It's worse. It's worse.

Because what they're doing is they're relegating the role of a father to just being a provider. As if being a father implies no other responsibility to the family other than to fucking show up with a hunk of meat and a paycheck. As if the role of father

is nothing more than just ook and ahk and here's a fucking T-Rex on the table for everybody. That is insulting to fathers who parent. That's intensely insulting to fathers who actually parent. And then he's implying, I think, through that that – Which is crazy because he's a men's right activist, right? Which is crazy, right? But he's a fucking monster.

But he's an idiot. Yes, he is. The worst part is that he can't even follow his own arguments well enough to articulate them. All the way through. So they took the fathers out of the homes. The government became the daddy of the family. And then the so-called civil rights leaders became the head of the people. And it's just been downhill ever since.

But what happened... That doesn't make any sense. I don't understand what any of that means. You're just making it up as you go on, because that's all garbage. He's blaming government checks on... He's blaming the increase of single-parent

households on government subsidies. That's what he's trying to do. And he's saying that destroys families. I think that's his argument. As a result of removing the father from the home, the homosexual was able to come in even more so. Why? Come in what?

What did they come in? Well, the mouth or the butt, usually. It depends. It could be the hand. You don't know. There's a lot of options. Right. I don't mean to essentialize.

And take over the wife of the woman and the children. Wait a minute, wait a minute. A gay guy's going to show up and take over the wife? Of the women and the children. I feel like if a gay dude shows up and takes over the wife, he's not gay anymore. He's taking the wife. Come on, ride the train. Educate black children so I can convince them that homosexuality is normal.

Because the black community loves its homosexuals. I know that being homosexual in the black community is not a fucking easy road. Yeah, it's not fucking lollipops up your anus. Well, maybe it is, but people frown on it. You've got to hide that. You've got to clinch right when you're standing there. You've got to clinch it right.

You've got to use a safety pop in case it disappears. You can get your finger around it. Tootsie roll. How many licks does it take to get to the center of an anal pop? Zero, because I'm not going anywhere near that shit. A whole lot. The worst thing, the worst thing that can happen to boys and girls is to remove the father from the children. Because when you remove the father from the children, evil is able to come in and take over.

What is that? Plus, now women are not capable of preventing evil? No. Women. It's sexist on every level. It's sexist to everybody. Everybody. Everyone's insulted. Sexist to everybody. Everybody. Everyone's insulted. Because you might not realize it, but you will understand that men, that the man represents Christ in the family.

Here's your shovel, motherfucker. Dig yourself a hole. The thing is, though, I don't think anybody that listens to him is not already on that sexist train. I think all those people are like, yeah, I'm sexist too. Like even the women are like, yeah, he has any idea that this is intensely insulting to both decent men and all

women. I don't think he's smart enough to know that. I don't think so. I don't think he thinks he's like delivering a really radical. I think, I think he's, I think he's point. I think the gotcha moments that he pulls out that we've seen are so blasé and garbage

that I think he thinks those are really like eureka moments and you're just like, no, that's really stupid. Right. It's either stupid or horrible or horribly stupid. Yeah. Or completely predictable. Yeah. Right.

And in the community and in the country. And if you could weaken that man, he would understand that he can work through others and destroy the women and children and it's over for the country. And so until they took the black man out of his family, removed him away, the radical homosexuals

were not allowed. They were not able to come in and take over the black community and deceive them and use them in the manner that they're using them today because the mayor would say no to it. How does any of that shit

connect? I am staring. I am actually staring at the screen right now, trying desperately. It's like a David Icke book. Well, it's pretty bad. It's pretty bad, right? it's like linking a bunch of shit that doesn't belong together it's fucking nibbled yeah that's what it is it's not in those days men were not as emotional as they are today you notice that men are worse than women have you noticed that men are worse when you say nowadays men are worse than women you have insulted men and then you've insulted women.

And there's actually this crazy chain reaction that's occurring where the more I think about it, I can't decide who is being insulted more in that sentence. This is like the fucking nuclear fission of insults. It's so bad. Men are more emotional than women. They're worse than women now. Oh, everything about that sentence offends everyone involved in that sentence. Oh, you hurt my feelings. Oh, God.

Don't speak to me that way. You're worse than women. When I was growing up, I had a man acting that way. Oh my God! Oh my God! You take him in the woods? Where are you? We just... I love the idea that like...

You've never been taken in the woods ever. So the implication... Yeah, who's going to fucking... You take me to the woods and fucking get your friends, motherfucker. Exactly, yeah. Bring a couple. Well, he goes to the gym. I don't know if you remember.

Right? He gets a bunch of people to go around him. Holy shit. So what he's suggesting is a man who doesn't portray enough strength is not seen as manly enough by his fellow men. And he needs to get beaten. And the solution to more man him is to beat the shit out of him in the woods. That's how that works, yeah. Yeah.

Every single, I don't know if you knew this, but every time your body actually... Sustains a blow. No, no, no. Every time a fist hits your body, all the cells in that area get the man gene turned on. Oh, that's true. And so the more fists you receive unless

they're in your anus if they're in your anus then you then it's the opposite effect it's the opposite every every withdrawal anywhere else any other fist touching your body i'm actually when i hit myself like this does that count audience can't see i'm making myself more manly that's why i before the ufc that's why i masturbate. Before the UFC fights, they bang on their own chest. They try to make themselves more manly before the fight. That's how this works. That's the whole caveman Tarzan thing, right? It is. Absolutely. You make yourself more manly

before your fight. I feel like this is true. And so you actually need to replenish that over and over and over again. Because the mangy will turn off. Well, it starts to feminize. Oh, God. I'm turning into 10 crews. Oh, God. Because the mangy will turn off Well it starts to It starts to And you start being like Oh god I'm turning into Ted Cruz Oh god

If you hit Ted Cruz in the chest He'd collapse God if I hit Ted Cruz As hard as I playfully hit myself He would fucking disintegrate What is wrong with you man And so they took the Christ out of the family, and the homosexual was able to come in.

And ejaculate into the family. The homosexual was able to come in, because there's nothing a homosexual man wants more than a wife. Yeah, there's nothing a homosexual man wants more than to be in a place where he's not wanted with a sex he's not interested in. Right, but somebody else's kids to raise. It's like the worst deal ever.

And say that their issue is a civil rights issue, a perverted lifestyle, a civil rights issue. And they start to educate young blacks about that. Hey, they're discriminating against us in the same manner that they're discriminating against you. And they are brainwashed generations and generations of black people to believe that. That guy is something else, man. That guy is something else.

He's not just a racist, but he's a homophobe. I mean, he's got all the— Ain't he short? Like, all those things against you. You know what I mean? What's wrong with being short? They're bad people normally. That's where my power comes from. They're normally bad people. I can't argue with you. You know what I mean? What's wrong with being short? They're bad people normally. That's where my power comes from.

They're normally bad people. I can't argue with you. I am a monster. We want to thank all our patrons, of course, but we also want to thank specifically all of our new patrons, Andrew, Cecilia, Shane, Phillip, Pit Atheist, new patrons andrew cecilia shane phillip pit atheist katherine jennica amy totoro darn monkey carolyn brian lord trentonian moody that's terrific ah okay seth andrews of the thinking atheist podcast thanks seth for being a patron.

Day Seth, I think. I don't know how to pronounce this. Joseph, Eric, Bridget, Justin, John, and Jason. Thank you so much for your generous donations. We really do appreciate it. Were there any PayPals? There were. We got a number of PayPal donations.

Thank you so much from Helen, from Will, thank you Patrick, Richard, thank you Amy, and thank you Albert. Remember, PayPal is another way that you can donate to the show. You simply go to DissonancePod.com, click on Donate, and you can donate through our website. I want to thank

everybody who watched us on our live stream. We just did a live stream this last week. We decided to do six or so hours of us watching election coverage and then covering stuff. We had three guests. Pardon me. We had four guests. Four.

Good. Yeah. We had David Smalley. Yeah. We had Thomas Smith. Yeah. David Michael. David Michael.

And Andy Wilson. And Andy Wilson. Oh, and Bobby Carey we had five guests we talked to people via Skype we watched stuff on TV and then we also specifically looked at election results

and if you watch that video some of the audio quality is not as good as I would have hoped we tried to do the very best we could but it was sort of a ad hoc thing that we put together it's our great hope that we're going to do more live stuff, though. So we're hoping that in the future we can do more live stuff in the studio. We're looking into a little bit of tech stuff to try to get that done.

So Tom and I and Megan are going to be going to ReasonCon this year. We are indeed. So if you're interested in going to ReasonCon this year, we are going to be there. We're looking forward to enjoying our time down in North Carolina. Nobody's ever enjoyed North Carolina. I just hope we can share with Megan the

racist statue that was in that one in Hillbillies. The Confederate soldier carved out of wood. Yeah, it was just awesome. I hope Megan can prop me up, because I fucking drank my way through ReasonCon 3 or whatever it was.

Well, Megan's going to show up. We're going to be there, so it should be a great time. We're looking forward to meeting people out there. So if you're going to go to ReasonCon, know that we will be there as well. We got a message from a bunch of people, but Devin sent this one in. This is an eggnog

image that we are posting to this week's show notes. You can check it out. Episode 326. We got a message from Paul asking us if we have any holiday meetups planned. We do not have any holiday meetups, but we are right now in process of possibly working out something in January. We will keep you posted. We got a message from Sarah and a bunch of other people. I made a mistake last week when I mentioned that transgender people equals a transvestite. We were looking at an email that specifically called transgender people transvestites, and we were correcting the person, but we were wrong to conflate the two terms. Transvestite, I should have realized that transvestite isn't transgender just by going by

the root, right? Like, so trans meaning something that shifts, vest meaning a nice vest that you wear, and ite meaning that's all right if you want to change, it's okay. So I should have done those roots, right? I should have done the roots, but I didn't think of it. So I just got to sound it out. But transvestite means someone who dresses like a woman, mostly typically a man who dresses like a woman. Transvestite does not mean transgender. So we just want to get that out of the way. So we stopped getting email about it. And don't send me your email about sounded out as for spelling things or reading words.

You don't. I'm fucking making a joke there, too. We'll get an email about everything. At this point, we're just giving up. Oh, Josh sent in two limericks, Tom. Why don't you read them? All right. There once were two men from Chicago whose combined guts could count as cargo.

To England one day, they lumbered away, and now there's an official embargo. That's good. Now they're back from the land of Churchill to put a funny spin on all of our issues because at the end of the day, there's no other way to say that credulity is not a virtue. I like it. Thanks so much, Josh. Thank you.

All right. So I'm going to do something right now that I said I wasn't going to do until I've done that a lot. I know. So many times, Tom, so many times, it's like a weekly thing.

I'm like, I won't do that again. Now, right now, one, one thousand, thousand it's not right now later okay so these are uh natalie sent these in and they're so brilliant i've got to play all three of them they are three calls to prayer so i'm going to play them all three for you i do not send in your calls to prayer yet please i'm only playing because they are exceptional and I'm playing them. But the time will come when you can send your calls to prayer in.

They will probably be in June. I think we're going to do that. I think from now on what we're going to do is match the month of Ramadan, whatever, whenever Ramadan is happening. We're going to accept calls to prayer. We are going to get killed. Here's to hoping. Hey, it's better than a Trump world. All right, so here we go.

I'm so well-insured. And we're going to be fine in America. Trump's going to, he's got the cyber security solution. He'll extremely vet them. Alright, so these are the three calls to prayer. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. And I

will I will I will they are so good they harmonize it's beautiful good okay so next one that's good. That is good. Man. That's great. Good job. That's terrific. And the final one. A little bit of Monica by my side. A little bit of Rita is all I need.

A little bit of Tina is what I see. I hate that song, but you did a great job. Great job. Great job, Natalie. Thank you so much. Those are awesome. Thank you. But please don't send more. Don't send more yet.

Wait until Ramadan. We will be collecting them then. Save them. Save them for Ramadan. Tom, we got a message from Canadian Shocker. Yeah, he said, you make fun of our Canadian whiskey. Yeah, we do because it's garbage. And we see to it that Trump becomes president.

Make fun of our whiskey again, and we'll make sure you're doing stories on Supreme Court Justice Ted Nugent. Oh, God. I wonder if every time he had a dissenting opinion, he'd shit his pants. Every time he had a dissenting opinion, he'd shoot somebody. No, he'd just be like, just like how he got out of going to the army. He'd shit his pants. He just shits his pants. He's like, here's my dissenting opinion.

I'm a coward. We got a message from Mara, and Mara sent in a ton of things that we can call President Trump, Tom. So why don't you read this list? Oompa Loompa in chief,

Cheeto Benito, the philander and Mandarin jackass. Oh, lantern trumpled still skin. I like trumpled still skin agent, orange, large mouth, ass creep throat,

King Lear, your groping Fuhrer, the white pride Piper, Lex loserer, The Hair Apparent, Dumpster Fire. No, Trumpster Fire. Trumpster Fire. I'm sorry. It's Trumpster Fire. Sharp, Sharknado.

Sharknado. Citizen Vain, Big Lee Smalls is my favorite. A Clockwork Orange, Vanilla Isis. I love Vanilla Isis. The Shithead of State gold mcdonald had a farm eiei no captain kk kangaroo fanta claws hair force one bitchy rich confounding father putin on the rich i love them all they're're so good. Thank you so much, Mara. Big Lee Smalls is my favorite. My favorite is Vanilla Isis. That's great.

But also Creep Throat is kind of reaching up there. Large Mouth Ass. We got a great message. This is from Rosalie, and Rosalie lives in Cleveland. God, I'm so sorry. It says, Rosalie says, you asked for feedback

on the live show you did on Electric Night. I really appreciate being able to agree with you. News, especially that news, can be way too oppressing without your raucous laughter and obscene remarks. Enjoy your polished, I enjoy your polished shows, but this raw one was great too. Very immediate. Felt like I was there with you. Please don't stop what you do. I need you. And then at the bottom, it says, it says, now this is the email is titled a nearly 70 year old female person in Cleveland loves your show. And then at the bottom, the PS is, I think it would be fitting for me to exclaim glory hole, but I'm not sure what I do with one. If I saw it, I just want to say, Rosalie, it's not what the glory hole does.

You do with the glory hole. It's what the glory hole does. You do with the glory hole. It's what the glory hole does for you with you. Thanks for listening, Rosalie. It makes us feel good. Ask not what you can do for your glory hole. Well, it's our great hope next time, Tom, to have Matt Dillahunty on the show. That'll be exciting.

We're going to be covering a story with him and then just talking about sort of where he's at, what he's been up to, what he's planning on doing. And it should be a lot of fun. It's been a while since Matt's been on the show. A few years, yeah. And we're both big fans of Matt. So we're excited.

Hopefully we won't fanboy all over him. It'll be a lot of fun, though. But until then, we're going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment. Deadpan sales pitch Late night info docutainment

Leo Pisces Cancer cures Detox Reflex Foot massage Death in towers Tarot cards Psychic healing

Crystal balls Bigfoot Yeti Aliens Churches Mosques Synagogues Temples

Dragons Giant worms Atlantis Dolphins Truthers Birthers Witches Wizards

Vaccine nuts Shaman healers Evangel evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody. Evidential. Conclusive.

Doubt even this. The opinions and information provided on this podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. All opinions are solely that of Glory Hole Studios, LLC. Cognitive dissonance makes no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information and will not be liable for any errors, damages, or butthurt arising from consumption. All information is provided on an as-is basis. No refunds. Produced in association with the local dairy council and viewers like you.