Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 331: Upper Decker

Episode Date: December 12, 2016

"There is no such thing anymore as fact because it's all subjective"....what!?  Tom and Cecil talk about a recent episode of The Diane Rehm Show where guest Scottie Nell Hughes discusses her ideas on facts. They also discuss Alex Jones and "Pizzagate" and why Math only works because Jesus created it.

Today's show is brought to you by AdamandEve.com. Go to AdamandEve.com right now and you'll get 50% off just about any item. All you have to do is enter the code word GLORY, G-L-O-R-Y, at checkout. Hi, Tom and Cecil. It's Esme. I just was reading about a questionnaire that he sent out to the members of the energy department. And it's essentially outing people who believe in climate change and who went to the climate change conferences. And the questionnaire also asked, like,

who are the highest paid people in the department. And it just seems like a total witch hunt. And I'm just wondering, like, I'm just so scared for this country. It just seems like, is he going to put in jail, you know, people who believe things that he doesn't believe in or have them fired? I mean, it's so scary. Okay, glory hole. Love you guys. Thanks.

Hi, boys. This is Terry from Louisville. You know, I used to get annoyed that y'all talked about Kentucky being such a shithole, but this election, after voting this clown into office, this state actually is upset about losing Obamacare. You think they learned after Bevin, but no! This is a state that will vote against its own self-interest, then look back and go,

oh no, another idiot wants to take the folks that we need to survive. I'm from Louisville, and at this point, I still succeed from the rest of Kentucky. Say whatever you want about it. Not my state. Hey guys, this is Jason in Madison, Wisconsin. I just wanted to chime in on shitting on

most of Illinois. I moved to Wisconsin from Texas and driving up through most of Illinois it's just corn. Everyone's been wanting to see a soy patch

but I got excited to see Rockford. A sentence that should never, never be said. Rockford just was not born in the United States. Sorry, Hull. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended.

The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording live from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome mat. This is episode 331 of Cognitive Dissonance. You didn't do anything to fuck with me the whole intro.

I was just messing with you. I mean, you turned me down a little. I was messing. I was messing with the... You were the you were working things yeah it's it's this thing i have no idea how any of those buzzers and slides and fucking whistles when you want a quality product tom i know that you haven't done that with any aspect of your life yet yeah that thing is as fucking mysterious as the clitoris over there like that's i don't know you're like fucking twiddling at it and flipping it up and down just to see what it responds. I don't know, man.

He's talking about the mixer, folks. He's just saying the thing over there is the mixer. The wiggly wobbler. What is it? Over there? Yeah. I don't know. The slidey button machine.

Whatever that is. I don't even know what you use it for. I think you just have it to look cool. I think it's your fucking flux capacitor, buddy. It's my... It's like... I bought the thing whoop, whoop, whoop. I bought the thing with all the bits and bytes and buttons on it. It's my Death Star control.

We're ready to fire, sir. I mean, I never really paid a whole lot of attention to this because I don't know how any of it works or what the machines are, but I do notice you have a lot of buttons and things in front of you. I do. Does that make you feel like a big man? Do you feel important sitting over there with your controls

and your keys to the kingdom? I feel very important. I feel podcast important. That's not very important at all. Which is to say, we're now accepting donations to Patreon. Do you feel as important as Donald Trump when he walks out of an elevator?

Did you see the video of him? I didn't see this. No. The guy is such a fucking unabashed narcissist. He walks out of his elevator and to call the reporters to come to him, like, come to me, plebes. He walks out and just goes. No shit. Claps his hands out and just goes. No shit.

Claps his hands, and they just come fucking scurrying. Like, come running over to him. They all sound like Schmeagle. Fucking, where's my precious? Bring me your crazy. He is gold. He is? And unfortunately, he's going to rule them all soon.

Oh, gosh. Someone throw him in a mortar. Dude, I would not be surprised if he installed an eye of Sauron above the White House. Right? Right? He actually models it after the dollar, and it's a pyramid with the fucking eye, the Illuminati eye. Can you imagine if he fucking spray painted the White House like fucking gold or green or something? It was just like, I blinged it out. I mean, not

on his first term, but on his fifth or sixth term, I think I could see him doing that. He's going to lose his fifth or sixth term. Oh, Canada. And I don't know the rest of that song. Does Australia have a national anthem? I don't know. I don't know. rest of that song. Does Australia have a national anthem? I don't know. I don't know.

Get the fucking spider off me. I think that's their national anthem. They're already dead before they can get that phrase out. That guy is going to become such more of a narcissist. Like you take a narcissist, right? You take somebody who's just unabashedly genuinely crazily self-important and then you give him literally all of the power that's the worst thing you could do to this guy he is going to be he's gonna have a grill like by by fucking march he's gonna have a fucking grill and a giant flavor flame defcon clock

no you know he's not gonna have a grill but he almost certainly will mandate it for certain A F-Con clock. So it's on the 11th hour. No, you know, he's not going to have a grill, but he almost certainly will mandate it for certain states. So they'll be like, here's your South Carolina grill. And just like walk around like, I'm an attorney. I don't want this at all. He shows up and he shows up to these huge venues. We'll make the Mexicans build it. He shows up to these huge venues.

He's like, all right, all you motherfuckers, smile at me. Smile at me. I want to see that gold. He points to the guys like, shine a light on their beautiful teeth. Reflect it back to me. God, it's going to be like fucking building the Archimedes death ray of people's teeth. Just lighting them up. Shining into the ocean.

That's how I want to go, actually. Blasted by an Archimedes death ray made out of forced grilled teeth. Yes, that sounds like you. Yeah, me too, actually. I had that dream last night. You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both, and there you have the facts of life. The facts of life.

There's a time you got to go and show you're growing. Now you know about the facts of life, the facts of life. When the world never seems to be living up to your dreams. And suddenly you're finding out the facts of life are all about you. So the story comes from the Diane Rehm show, actually, which is broadcast on NPR. And this is how journalists are rethinking their role under a Trump presidency, which they soon won't have one except for from the cages he puts them in, I think. And I have to say, before we start it, I'm glad they recorded it before she died.

Yeah. Because it sounds like she's going to die. Oh, she's not dying during it? Yeah. It sounds like, I mean, this sounds like she's not dying during it it sounds like i mean this sounds like this sounds like grandma's calling from the grave i have never heard a horde horde i've never heard anybody sound this old her voice sounds like thin paper oh yeah yeah like like her voice has floppy arms she She sounds like Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

She sounds, yeah, actually, you're right on. Yeah, you're right on. But the crazy, the fucking, the thing that, I mean, just lit me up, Cecil, lit me up when I heard this, comes from Scotty Nell Hughes. Now, Scotty Nell Hughes is the editor from RedAlerts.com. She's also a contributor from CNN. And I don't even want to summarize what she says. It is so jaw-droppingly insane and genuinely upsetting that before the show, I was kind of freaking out a little bit, man. I was still freaking out a little bit about this.

So let's go ahead and play this. It has freak-out fucking potential for sure. So let's play this. Like Tom said, this is from NPR. W-A-M-U. freak out fucking potential for sure. So let's play this. Like Tom said, this is from NPR. W-A-M-U. I edited it slightly because there is a part where they sort of talk about something that we're not hearing. What do you make of that?

Well, I think it's also an idea of an opinion. And then that's on one hand, I hear half the media saying that these are lies. But on the other half, there are many people that go, no, it's true. And so one thing that has been interesting this entire campaign season to watch is that people that say facts are facts, they're not really facts. Everybody has a way. It's kind of like looking at ratings or looking at a glass of half full water. Everybody has a way of interpreting them to be the truth or not true. There's no such thing, unfortunately, anymore, of fact. There's no such thing, unfortunately, anymore, as facts.

Because it's all spin? Because it's all subjective. This is the ultimate relativism, right? You know what's so crazy about this? I was thinking about this on my drive up. What's so crazy about this is so much of the right has pushed back against, you know, this sort of boogeyman of postmodern relativism, this boogeyman of subjectivism, right? Right. This is ultimate subjectivism. This is the ultimate postmodern relativistic stance.

If there's no facts, then there's no way to objectively look at anything. relativistic stance. If there's no facts, then there's no way to objectively look at anything. You have taken the whole concept of knowledge itself as being attainable and virtuous to attain. You've taken that concept and you've uprooted it

in its entirety. And you've said it's no longer even valuable because it's no longer even possible. Well, aren't these the same people who believe in, like, ultimate truth? That's what I mean! Is, yes yes they believe in ultimate truth and they despise post-modern relativism right even though i think a lot of times they don't understand what it means yeah no yeah right and they but they throw that shit out there like a boogeyman yeah they're just like what is that a vaccine right they're like i've never read darren or whatever i don't know they don't fucking shit

about is that what they splice in a corn to make it resistant to weeds exactly right how this works they don't know shit about shit, but they know the word and they feel vaguely uncomfortable with it. And then in the same fucking breath, in the same breath, this same group of people now truly claims

that facts aren't facts, that there's no such thing as facts. And because it's all spin, you just pick whichever one you like. You pick the one that's more much better than the thing that you like. But if we're saying that, like, if it's all spin, all spin means that you have to start from somewhere. Like, there's, you know, when I think of spin, I think there's a center, and then you spun it from there, right? You spun it, so now I'm on these fringy outsides.

I'm not really sure. But there's got to be a point of contact where it meets everybody's spin. And so Mr. Trump's tweet amongst a certain crowd, a large part of the population, are truths. When he says that millions of people illegally voted, he has some facts amongst him and his supporters,

and people believe they have facts to back that up. Wait, did she started to say he has facts? And then she bails on it. His supporters believe that they have facts. And because she starts to say facts. Right. And then she's fast. Because they're not real.

Yeah. And then she punts. Right. And she says, well, the supporters believe that they have facts. Because what what's important right now is not whether something is but whether you believe that something is right this is that post-fact world the post-rational world that we're that we're entering into that makes me want to kill myself you know do you remember the fucking rnc this year where they kept on saying i believe i believe i believe i believe but they never really said like these things are real.

Instead, they would just say, I believe, I believe. This feels like an extension of that. This feels like an extension of that message, which is if you don't have the truth, just tell them you believe the opposite. And they'll eventually have some sort of empathy for you because you believe it. and they'll eventually have some sort of empathy for you because you believe it. Yeah, I agree. And they're driving at this idea that believing things, and we've talked about this, but we're taking that idea that belief equals truth, right, which has always been a religious idea, right?

That's been a religious concept. If you believe something, you have faith in it, then it's true. And that's how you get to truth if you start from belief and then you build a faith model around that, and then your truths just fall into place after the fact. This is an extension of the faith model into the proper world, into the world of facts and figures and baseball bats and people that walk around and do stuff, you know, not just like a crazy ye olde mythology. It's one thing when it's like, this is what I think happens when we die. It doesn't matter.

It literally doesn't make any difference. Maybe it motivates your thinking and reasoning, right? But you know what I mean? Now we're talking about deciding whether something happened. Like, like quantifiably, like like did illegal did two million illegal immigrants vote in this last election there's a number there's a people this is a this is a this is a claim that is testable it's a knowable it's a knowable quantifiable thing and she is saying out loud that it literally doesn't matter it makes no difference as long as enough people believe

it happened as long as enough people have they have facts that they believe right it's not even it's because because now she's now she's not she's backpedaling on the fact that there's facts instead she's saying that there's there's things out there that you believe and those are the facts that's what it sounded like to me that she's she's shifting instead of saying there's no facts no there are facts but they are what you believe harder. Yeah. Well, that's the thing, right? Like the belief makes it a fact.

Yeah. Those that do not like Mr. Trump, they say that those are lies and there's no facts to back it up. Let's go to Glenn Thrush and let him come in. First, I got to pick my jaw up off the floor here. Yeah. Shit. Right. Me too. Thank goodness. Somebody said it. I know. Fuck. Let him come in. First, I got to pick my jaw up off the floor here. Yeah, no shit, right? Me too. Thank goodness somebody said it.

I know. What the fuck? There are no objective facts. I mean, that is an absolutely outrageous assertion. Of course there are facts. There is no widespread proof that 3 million people voted illegally. It's been checked over and over again. We had a Pew study that took place over 15 years that showed people had more likelihood of being struck by lightning than voting illegally in an election. Facts are facts. I'm sorry you don't like the facts. And the one thing I think you

got totally right, that PolitiFact would give you a completely true score on, is we definitely need to start responding to this and james so i think okay hold on one second let me respond back sure go ahead i know that glenn is listening um actually what you said was wrong uh let's look at 2014 electoral studies the journal showed that in 08 and 2010 illegal immigrants were higher well higher, higher what? What does that even mean? She starts to say something and then she just gives up. A thing showed they were higher. Like taller?

Yeah. Like they're just standing on a ladder? They were in Colorado? What does that mean? It's just higher. They went to the medical marijuana place earlier? Illegal immigrants are higher. And then she stops and just bails on the whole thing. Nobody hires illegal immigrants. Come on. From the Home Depot, you do.

And this was done by four these were, the illegals were actually voting in it. These were done by four professors at Old Dominion. As many as 2.8 million. These four professors at Old Dominion and George Mason came out and proved and said 2.8.

I'm glad four professors. Right. And first off, I don't even know if that's true, but four professors? Four unnamed professors. Here, watch. Watch me do the same thing. You know what, Cecil? Three professors from Yale once said I have a 14-inch cock.

It doesn't give me a 14-inch cock. I just said a thing. It didn't change anything. I'm still irish it's still an any p research poll that same poll you cited actually 53 percent of democrats at the democratic party support letting illegals vote that has nothing to do with whether or not illegals did vote if they were supporting whether or not somebody's allowed to vote

would make their vote legal. If we passed a law that allowed them to vote, then they would no longer be voting illegally. They would have the law on their side to be able to vote. Also, we didn't do that, and that's still half of half,

which means it's like 20% of the American population. And I still don't believe it. These are people that actually monitor those polls. So this is why, if anything, we should have stronger voter ID laws in all of these states to make sure that we don't have this type of conversation going. Red herring. It has nothing to do with the argument. Literally nothing to do with what you're talking about. It's such a fucking sideways thing. The argument was whether or not there are knowable objective facts.

The example that was given was whether or not two point however million people voted in this election. Then she goes on to make a series of crazy assertions that literally have nothing to do with it, except for the four professors said it's probably totes true. Yeah. And then she punts and tries to kick the ball into another fucking field. She's talking about, you know, why do you care? Here's the thing. If there's no facts, why do you care whether or not somebody has an ID? Yeah, what's the point? You can't prove anything anyway, right? There's literally no way that you can prove.

If there's no facts, Tom, how am I supposed to believe that you're even a citizen? I don't know. There's literally no way to prove it. Maybe I'm a fucking dragon. If there's no facts, then fucking voter ID laws are useless because you can't prove anything. There's no fact. Gravity is useless. What is happening? Why am I not floating?

I know. Why am I not super rich? Because I want to be rich, and I believe I want to be rich. Ford, because in many states, you can mail things in. Those work. So, yes, there is facts to back up. In many states, you can mail things in those works so yes there is facts to back up in many states you can mail things in what things like a fucking road carcass you found or even presuming that she's talking about ballots am i supposed to think that there's just like like hordes like millions of illegal immigrants standing by mailboxes every day i

wonder if they'll get their ballots today. And then stealing it. And then the person who's expecting that ballot never says anything like, where's my ballot? And then requests a new ballot. It's a crazy thing to think about. Or they just, it's a secret ballot. So anybody can just send in a ballot. You don't even need your name on it.

That's insane. It's like a Scantron they send out randomly and anonymously, and then you could just get it back, right? That's how they think voting works. These people are idiots, man! I don't know how any of this is working. This is fucking not how it works! Why Trump supporters believe it.

You are wrong, sir. It's often the more specific, quote, smaller issues where the fact issue is more dramatic. Donald Trump has said there were 20,000 people outside a certain hall. The fire marshal said the hall holds 3,000 people. Again, he said, he said it one day, the NFL asked me to move the dates of these debates. The NFL said, what are you talking about? We've never contacted you. He said he gave donations to these various charities. David Farentol of the Post contacted hundreds of these charities, said they

never had received it. So there are matters of opinion. I think that it was very revealing, an important thing that Skynell Hughes was saying, which is that there are no facts. I think it actually is an intended result of this campaign and administration to think, well, really, there aren't any facts. It's all opinion, so we're going to sort of manipulate the things that we care about. I believe that the job for the media and civil society now is essentially to say there are such things as facts. So the line may be drawn here.

Scott, he's fucking unbelievable. I mean, but the problem is that he didn't address the things that she just said, and so it sounds like she won those things. But she didn't win them because she just fucking just didn't. None of those things made any sense. I really think that there's a problem when this side of rationality comes back at, you know, she is fired up. She's passionate, right?

She's crazy. She's a shithouse rat. And she's dead ass wrong on every point. But she's fired up and she's passionate. And the other guy on the other side of this conversation is very reserved and very quiet and very logical and he's easier to not listen to. He's just

easier to not listen to. And I don't think that our discourse should be screaming at each other, but it's also the case that we are in a post intellectual world too, right? Where the intellect isn't what's valued and it's not what's moving people. And if we respond

to insanity with calm, rational examinations, we're going to lose! We're going to lose every time! And I know we're going to lose because we lost! Yeah, because we keep losing. Right. Trump keeps winning! Keeps winning, guys! We've got to yell

to some degree, not all of us but some of us have to yell back yeah and be like that's literally a crazy thing to say yeah and somebody needs to be louder than that person yes well what's interesting what he just said all those people he mentioned are known bias including the nfl the nfl is biased see that's good though right right so now now he's doing is he's saying wait no fucking no yeah no right nfl like fucking the entire nfl organization can't be biased against fucking donald trump those people as soon as as soon as donald trump got elected they all ejaculated in their pants they're just like oh my god we're gonna be so fucking we don't have to pay

any fucking taxes right they're gonna actually we going to collect all the poor people's taxes. That's how this works. Yeah, no kidding. Plus, one of the other things that he mentions is literally hundreds of charities. And she's like, well, they're all biased. Literally hundreds of charities. Yeah, all hundred charities are biased. And then when you look at it, you're like, okay, well, what about the fucking 3,000 versus 20,000 thing, right?

What are you saying? The fire marshal is biased. The fire marshal is biased. The fire marshal is like, no, actually, it is just a – and 3,000 and 20,000 is a big, big difference, right? Just six and two-thirds more. You could if you really tried to fit 20,000 people in there. I mean, you could. It's not a nightclub in Chicago.

If you had a wood chipper, you could. But if you didn't, it would be real hard. Right. Well, that's the question that you have to ask right now. These were private conversations that happened with the NFL. The NFL that came out and spoke about it, the person who did, was someone that we've proven has not been necessarily a Trump fan. We don't know the conversations that happened.

So because they're not a Trump supporter, then when they came out to do their job, look, I got a job that I have to do, right? It's not like somebody said, go out and tell somebody what you think personally. They represent an organization. I've worked for religious organizations in the past. Right.

And sometimes you have to just be a mouthpiece for that organization or do something that is religious. Not you doing something, but at least do something that is religious not not you doing something but at least create something that has a religious overtone you have to do it because it's your fucking job yeah and because you know i walk in as cecil but you know what while i'm there the money they're paying me is for me to be objective yep right that's the problem too right is that since there are no facts since everything is subjective she thinks that no one can can be operate in a in a way that does not have spin

right so now she's poisoned herself into thinking that someone can't just walk through the world and be like well i can at least give you a fair shake nobody's gonna ever give anybody a fair shake in this mindset because there's no facts i've've got to interpret everything. And when I've got to interpret everything, I've got to, I've got to put a spin on it to let it out into the world. You know, the, the problem too, is that she is suggesting that there is no evidence of absence, right? So, so in other words, like, yeah, this is an easily provable because all these are easily provable claims. But Trump doesn't have to prove the claim as long as nobody is asking for the evidence on the on that side of the equation. Then the people were saying, look, you said he gave money to hundreds of charities.

It's easy to know this. Yeah. You know, you call the charity. The charity has the charity denies it. OK, it's even if you're still like, well, that's somebody's word, and then you do it a hundred times, and it's still a hundred people's word individually against his, if there were evidence, you'd have a receipt, right? We donated money to the ACLU. We have a receipt. That's it. There's evidence. I don't need anybody involved in the equation. There's no bias, right? I've got a fucking receipt from the ACLU saying we donated money to the goddamn ACLU. The problem is that they think you should be able to offer evidence of absence.

Sure. Prove he didn't do it. Yeah, prove he didn't do it. Well, all you have is somebody saying he didn't do it. Well, that's all you're ever going to have if something didn't happen. Yeah. So you're the one making the claim, but they don't understand and they don't respect the burden of evidence, right?

And just like it was reported that the Secret Service, the media reported the Secret Service came and talked to Mr. Trump about his comments regarding Hillary Clinton. That never happened.

But yet the media doesn't say, we're sorry, we're sorry we made up that lie about you, Mr. Trump. Too quoque. Yeah. It's like, oh, hey, remember that one time that, that somebody

messed up? Well, I'm going to keep going back to that thing. Even again, I don't know if any of that's true. Cause I don't, I didn't research this story. I don't know. It wouldn't matter. But, but here's the thing. One, Clinton's not in the race anymore.

There's no race. The race is run. He's doing his victory lap. If you don't fucking remember, he's traveling to all these fucking Rust Belt shitholes. Still having rallies. And still having rallies, guys. Yeah guys because he needs to get jerked off so he's he's still he is still the winner he's the winner so there's no reason to ever bring up clinton or any of that stuff that happened in the past you know what what you're trying to do is say oh well one time in the past someone messed up on a story on a story, and so now we can mess up on stories every single time. Right.

No. No. No. It's not journalistic integrity when they did it, and it's certainly not when you do it. But the whole idea of journalistic integrity has taken a fucking shit. Everything feels editorial. Her whole stance is that everything's an editorial. I think that that's her whole stance here is everything is an editorial.

There's no such thing as unbiased information. So if everything is biased, then you just pick the one you like best. That's the problem with this. We've somehow gone as journalists from stopping reporting the who, what, where, the facts. And we've mixed in our own opinions of why. I'm sorry, this is my favorite, because when you listen to what she says here, and I don't know if this is in the part that you edited, but later when she talks about her own journalism, she's an opinion journalist.

Yeah. And there are some that still do that. But unfortunately, people like Farenthold, who you actually pointed out, they feel like putting their interjecting their own opinion into it. So any fact that they might be able to report, nobody believes because he's interlaced his opinion to other places. Okay. And Margaret Sullivan, you'd like to say something? Margaret Sullivan, would you like some more pie? And again, she's back to belief.

She's like, well, nobody believes it. It doesn't make it more or less true. Doesn't does nothing. Two plus two is four. Even if no one thinks it's four. Yes. Scotty. Now, with due respect, if you identify as a journalist, you cannot also be saying there are no facts.

At least somebody calls her out at the end. Yeah. You've got to. Yeah. You've got to. You've got to. That shit is insane. And I think that that shit is more rather than less at this point. I think that that is a more common train of thought than a less common train of thought. Because I want to treat you like I want to be treated.

I'm not the devil. I'm the opposite of that. So the story is from Right Wing Watch. not the devil. I'm the opposite of that. So the story is from Right Wing Watch. Alex Jones defends Pizzagate truthers after conspiracy theory leads to armed attack.

So this is fucking nuts. Cecil, you did a lot of research. Why don't you actually give us some background on this? I didn't do a ton of research, but he's going to talk about a lot of terms throughout this entire piece. And he's going to talk about the Podesta emails, which is the WikiLeaks emails that came out. They're in a database.

You can search terms. So when he says these terms are in here, I did searches. So I will tell you my findings as we move through this on what he's talking about when he's saying just search for it. I did.

I did exactly what he said. He tells the audience to go do this research. I did do this research. So let's listen to Alex Jones sing Bing Crosby's favorite hit, Pizzagate.

Here we go. It's because he's standing in front of a Christmas tree. He's just like a crooner. He's a Pizzagate. Pizzagate. I don't know what is next. Pizzagate.

You just come out and say, these crazy fake news people, why they say that there's a dungeon at this pizza place, and as you can see, there's no dungeon here. When you know good and well it's Podesta putting out emails about, look at my dungeon, or I'm in the dungeon right now, or, you know. So, Tom, I'm at WikiLeaks right now. Okay. The Podesta emails, this is what he was referring to right right so the podesta emails hold on a second but the podesta

emails um is is uh a series of emails um involving hillary clinton campaign chairman john podesta podesta's a long-term associate of the clintons was bill president bill clinton's chief of staff from 1998 until 2001. Mr. Bidessa also owns the Podesta Group with his brother Tony, a major lobbying firm, and is the chair of the Center for American Progress. So if anybody is wondering where this kind of stems from, that's where it stems from. So this is what he's talking about. I just typed in, done.

Three results. Okay. So first one's from Debate Night in Houston. So let's read it in context. So for years, President Obama and the progressives who support him have classified the prison at Guantanamo Bay, where the United States has housed the world's most dangerous terrorists and enemy combatants for nearly two decades as a medieval dungeon. Okay. That's it.

That's it. No, that's it. I mean, it's talking about Guantanamo Bay. I can't imagine that they're using dungeon metaphorically there. It's the least sexy dungeon possible. Okay, let's find the next one. Frustrated by being required to find his way to a private dungeon to read the Trans-Pacific Partnership Agreement, Rand Paul said Monday he is a no vote on a provision. That's from an article that they're quoting

and sending to each other. So again, that's the second instance. And the third and last instance, this is again a quote from an article that they are sending each other. This is a piece from an article. A Philadelphia woman got life in prison for locking

mentally disabled people in a dungeon so that she could collect their disability benefits. Oh, God, there's so many hot dogs coming. You know, I mean, it's in those emails. The hot dogs. The hot dogs. He's referring to boys to fuck. Yeah, boys to fuck.

I did a search for that. There's two instances of hot dogs. All right. One of them refers to a stand. The other one refers to a bat that somebody had. These are the most innocuous fucking emails you've ever read in your entire life. They're fucking boring. Yeah.

They're boring. Oh, Obama's getting 60 plus thousand dollars in hot dogs. I love those scrumptious, delicious hot dogs. Oh, I can't wait to get a hot dog myself. Oh, will there be? Will there be? What type of sauce will be on the hot? I mean, you know.

Nobody said that. He just made that up. That is not in there. He's just making it up. I can see. Look, here's the thing. If somebody was speaking explicitly and just replacing one noun obviously with another noun, like, I'm going to fuck you in the hot dog,

right? Yeah, exactly. Come on, yeah. I can't wait to get my hands on that hot dog. I'm just going to take all the hot dog. Come on. I can't wait to get my hands on that hot dog. I'm just going to take all the clothes off that hot dog. I'm going to tie that hot dog down into my dungeon and I'm going to rape that hot dog.

Clearly hot dog means something. I'm going to just use mustard. That's it. I'm a purist. Maybe a crack of pepper on there, but that's about it. No'm kind of just a, you know, I'm a purist. Maybe a crack of pepper on there, but that's about it. It's, these are. No ketchup, motherfucker.

No ketchup. That is, anyone who puts ketchup on the hot dogs are fucking communist. Fucking ridiculous. And the thing is, is like, I think I'm looking in the right place. Please, if you guys found these emails somewhere, I don't want to be wrong about this, right? So, like, if Alex Jones is somehow right about this, please let me know. right about this please let me know but i searched through this and i didn't find it now if you say oh well it's not in those emails he messed up it's not in the pedest emails it's in the fucking dirty dungeon emails or whatever i want to see those show me i want to see it right but i haven't

like i did some searching today and i did not find it in the Podesta emails, which is what he is currently referring to. Here's why I can pretty much guarantee they don't exist. If they existed, he would have them up on his screen, and he would be showing them to you on his screen, and he wouldn't be standing in front of a goddamn Christmas tree. If I saw, if I had a computer screen full of these emails and I knew these words meant this, I would put them on the screen. computer screen full of these emails and I knew these words meant this. I would put them on the screen if they were explicit and obvious. Like if somebody said I'm going to pay $60,000 for a hot dog, it's clear you're not talking about a hot dog, right? So I would put that shit up on the fucking big board and you'd be able to look at it while I'm looking at it. That's how you would fucking demonstrate this information. You wouldn't just fucking growl at the camera, which is all

he's going to do. He's going to mean mug at the camera and then you go to the fbi's own pedophile breakdown of code words they use i didn't know this stuff and i'm sitting there reading this and i'm just like what the hell you know the internet has popularized all these weird sexual fetishes so i've learned all these horrible terms you know like a upper decker i love that he doesn't even know the guy is so clueless that he's like i've learned all these horrible sexual terms like upper decker that's a prank yeah there's literally nothing sexual about it if you get turned on by an upper decker then you're into some scat play that's all i'm saying that's a fucking that's some varsity level shit like it, it is. That's some... I love it. He's so...

He demonstrates his own cluelessness in that sentence. Like, I know some weird stuff about sex, too. Did you know some people put it in their mouth? And then they hum the national anthem. Those filthy rabbits. What's nothing to do with sex at all that's actually the best foreplay you're having another that gets me up actually before before i have sex with my wife i'm like can you go do an upper deck it just it tunes me up just tunes me up i just want to think

about you balancing precariously over an area of the bowl. You can't even put your cheeks on because you'll break. I want you to kind of what I want you to be doing is like a wall sit on the top of the bucket bowl. And then I want you to pinch a loaf out of there at the same time, because that just makes it just fucking it just fills my balls with semen when you do that. I knew you were coming, so I shat my toilet top. What? You know, you have a really nice dinner, and then she goes to the bathroom after, and she

comes in. Did you do an upper decker just for me? Every kiss begins with upper decker. What? That's not a song. Normally, other people get her flowers, but you just dropped the deuce in the top, dude. It's like, I got candles and I pooped in the top of the toilet.

Maybe a little massage oil. Then I shit my shoes. I've actually shit in all of your things. You can't leave here without my scent. I've been saving it for a week. I just have little baggies of poop. I ate cheese all week just so I could pack the musket and then just release.

An upper decker. How do you sexualize that? I don't know. It's so funny. I don't know. It's so funny. Yeah, there's crazy people with their pooping in the toilet. Yeah, man.

It's like you unleash a white Bill Cosby, like, with your pooping in the toilet. I'm with it. I'm hip. People crapping on the top of a toilet just to be mean to the next person that comes in, you know, in the water container. That abused my mind. I'm sorry I'm even spreading that, but that's one of the more innocuous ones. It's not a one.

It's not even one of them. It's not even on the list of one. You have a name one. Your list has zero on it. It has not one thing on your list. Take your list, crumble it into a ball, throw it away. Get a new list. Actually, no. Crumble it into a ball and then fuck it and then you'll have one.

And then you'll have one. Okay. Well, now since I read these WikiLeaks, it's 50 times worse than what I knew before. I didn't know anything. You didn't know anything? It's like when somebody watches a movie that is clearly complete fiction, and they're like, oh, my God, I had no idea there was a Candyman. And now there's a Candyman.

And now I know if I walk into the bathroom and I sing a fucking Bloody Mary song or whatever in the fucking mirror, Candyman's going to come out. And I'm afraid every time. I'm afraid every time I walk into the bathroom. You're like, fucking, it's all made up, man! Like, some dude wrote it on 4chan to fool a bunch of fucking credulous dipshits and you guys bought

it! Like, you fucking bought it! Crazy sexual stuff till I was in college. And when I say crazy sexual stuff, I mean mild stuff, folks. Mild. Well, that just means you're sheltered. Who cares? Like, I didn't.

Nobody would let me touch their vagina until I was in my late 20s. Okay, well, you know, I don't know what to tell you. That's great. Well, you look like a fucking rotting apple, so I can see why. Probably just because you yelled at everybody the whole time. It's because you were shitting in the wrong part of the toilet. Mild. And now I had to read thousands of pages of these things and so did

my reporters i've forgotten more in the last month than i knew sexually my entire 42 years before that what's the sexual parts of these emails like here's the thing like talking about i looked at the terms you said and then i found another article that lists some of these emails as if they're incriminating emails and they're the most innocuous emails i've ever seen i just found a fake news article that said like yeah like here's some fucking here's them talking about pizza and here's them talking about sauce and cheese and here's them talking about a box of cheeses that someone was sent and they're saying oh see these are they're talking about little kids and you're like no they're fucking talking about a box of cheese man and they're not and they're not comfortable having conversations where hey thanks for giving me that like little blonde kid that i

fucked in the ass the other day tom i really appreciate you giving me that seven-year-old the fuck instead of doing that face to face i gotta communicate that over email like if you're gonna give me the kid can't i just tell you in fucking person? Be like, hey, man, thanks for hooking me up with that fucking four-year-old. Like, why do I have to tell you over email? Why do I even communicate via email? Have they ever seen The Wire? Get some burners, motherfucker. Jesus, it doesn't even make any sense.

Like, okay, well, you know, if I'm going to communicate in code, great. Why do I have to do it in a written code that someone can hack? I mean, seriously, the worst code, the worst thing to do would be to write in an email exchange. Why would you ever do anything in writing that you could do that's horrifying like this? These are people who fucking fly in private jets, man. It's not like this would be a hard thing to do in person. No, seriously, just fucking buy a burner. Or buy a burner, right?

Buy a burner. Nobody a burner right buy a burner nobody's gonna hear it bring bring bring i'd like to fuck that kid i'm also throwing this phone away because i said i was gonna fuck a kid on it and then you throw the fucking phone away forever yeah because ah yeah but still yeah well you'll write an email call them pizza did they all have to get together yeah and like come up with the secret code words vote on this did everybody say like okay well are we gonna use pizza that's the other thing it's like it's not like they're on the fucking deep web somewhere doing this it's email yeah just fucking regular old email that's it they're just a good email they're not like deep in the fucking fucking bowels of the tubes like when you start thinking about this critically

for any second any piece of it falls into fucking a million other pieces and you're just like none of it makes any sense at all i don't even know how you get this deep as deep as he's gotten i don't know how your brain gets that deep into it by being shallow yeah or by just wanting to share and like yeah right share and like this story so that i get a bunch of fucking people to come here because we're living in an age right now where people don't care about the facts. If you were to say that to people, they'd be like, oh, really?

They said juicy and saucy in those emails and they meant little kids? Well, fuck them. And they're not even going to do any fucking work. This story is just so frustrating and the reason why it's frustrating and the reason why, Tom, we sort of are really angry about it is because of what happened this last week yeah so these this shit has effects right like he just makes this up and then he goes through all these fucking crazy

machinations to tell you how how much integrity he has and how honest he is and that he has this responsibility and when he does that people really listen like you and i know alex jones is bullshit right like he screams about life extension technology like he's clearly a crazy person upper decker life extension technologies but edgar welch didn't think so and edgar welch his life is fucking ruined now yeah his life is ruined this is a guy who drove to that fucking pizza parlor because what he saw was some InfoWars shit. And what he really thought was, oh, my God, I live in a world where there's a fucking secret dungeon pedophile ring, and it's in this fucking pizza place, and nobody's stopping it.

And he drove 350 miles with an assault rifle, and he fucking busted in, and he shot the assault rifle in the place. Now, nobody was hurt. Nobody was injured. But thankfully, first of all, nobody was hurt or injured. People could have easily been killed. The guy's got a fucking assault rifle, right? And now his life is over. Like, this is like a – and we read the fucking transcript of his interview.

He seems like a stupid person. Like, I'm saying, like, he seems like a man of deeply low intellect and easily fooled, a credulous person, right? But he's a guy that can get a gun in america yeah and he's a guy whose heart was motivated before his brain fact-checked and that's the thing is like like when you read what this guy was talking about you think this guy seems like somebody who wanted to do good right his heart was motivated doesn't seem like a kind of guy who breaks into a place to like show somebody like you know i'm gonna i'm gonna fucking do this like dirty hairy instead the way it reads and i don't know the operation of this guy's mind all i know is what he said after the fact and what he's talking to these these reporters about but when he says

when he talks to them it sounds to me like he's saying you know what i just wanted to help some kids it really scared the shit out of me that there was kids in there and you know you had a great point you were talking about thomas and abortion and that and that that whole thing like if you really thought that's that that your neighbor was killing someone would you just hang out would you just do nothing about it oh yeah that's the house my neighbor lives and he kills people and of course you wouldn't yeah and of course and the same thing goes when when this guy's and you know we're talking about abortion he was talking about thomas was talking about abortion in the sense that like that's why people are motivated to stop it the same thing goes here it's like if you if you found

out like if you read all these sites all these places point to it pizzagate pizzagate pizzagate hey guys um this you know that at this fucking comet ping pong and in uh pizzeria they're they're fucking molesting children and it's out it's absolutely happening it's happening it's happening it's happening over and over and over again. And you thought nobody was stopping this. And you thought, gosh, nobody's doing anything. Well, I have the means. I have a car.

I have an assault weapon. I have myself. I'm willing to put myself on the line to stop this from happening. Yeah. And then he finds out it's nothing. And now he's at the bottom of this article. He's just like, I regret how I handled this situation. Like he's like, he's essentially saying my life is over.

He's got kids. He's a 28 year old man with a couple of kids. Yeah. Right. His heart was motivated before his head did the fact checking. Yeah. And so his life is fucking over. Thankfully he didn't end anybody else's life.

Right. Right. But you know, stop and think too. Somebody owns this Comet Pizza place. That's just somebody's livelihood. That's probably some guy with a mortgage and a car, and it's just his restaurant, and it's his livelihood. Maybe it was his passion. And now are they still going to be in business?

I don't know. It's certainly not good for your business when armed people break into it with assault rifles, and you get a reputation for housing a fucking pedophile dungeon and you had nothing to do with any of it because it's all made up. It's all just nonsense. None of it ever happened. But this is your business and you started it with the fucking blood, sweat and tears or whatever like everybody else. You just get singled out for no reason.

Like this is not consequence free shit. Yeah. Like if you want to break into some place and stop a bunch of pedophiles, knock on the door of a church. Tom. Yeah. Can we talk for a second about rubber dicks again? Yeah.

It's a conversation we need to have every once in a while. We just had this conversation right before and after lunch. Yeah. It's a conversation we keep having. We do. And the reason why is... Because you get one 50% off by going to AdamandEve.com? No, it'll go 100% in.

But it's 50% off. Yeah, right. Well, 50% is about as far as I can get them off, typically, without the rubber dick. I'm halfway there. I'm fucking all the way there. Spent. Actually, yeah, I'm going to go watch YouTube. Done and done.

Here, I bought this on AdamandEve.com. Finish up. I'm sweaty. This seems like a lot of work. Right now, if you type in glory at checkout, you'll get 50% off. Almost any item. Almost any item. It's not every item.

There's a few excluded items. There's excluded stuff. But about 50% off on anything. And then you'll also get free shipping. And they'll give you some free stuff. And all you have to do is type in Glory at checkout. And who doesn't want to type in Glory at checkout? You know, Cecil, I've taken to typing Glory every time I check out somewhere just to see what happens.

I actually just grabbed the cashier and just screamed glory in their face. The other thing about this, too, is that it's reusable. Like a rubber dick, the glory is reusable. With proper care. You can keep using it over and over and over again. Just think of glory like the lube. You put the lube in every single time you want to go deep. Literally wash,

rinse, and repeat. But you can check them out at adamanty.com. You can type in Gloria Checkout. Get some free stuff. Have some fun. You know, at the same time, you're getting a little bit off and you're getting a lot off. So Tom, we are reading a book called The Big secret by david we are slowly working our

way through we are now in chapter 17 which is secret language secret language secret language it's a shortish chapter it's got some uh some interesting photos in it what we do here is we read this book uh week by week uh we, we read a chapter a week and, uh, and we talk about the chapter, but we don't actually discuss the chapter in depth. What we do is we try to quiz each other on, on this,

uh, on the, on the content and, uh, and these quizzes are easy enough. So you don't even actually have to read the chapter to, to get them right. And then at the end I give a synopsis.

So that's how this, that's how this segment is going to go. Tom, why don't you go first? All right, Cecil. According to this insane book of inanity, why do dates matter to the Brotherhood? A. Because you only forget your evil,

fourth-dimensional lizard girlfriend's birthday once. B. Dates are numbers, and numbers are symbols. The lizard people use dates as a secret code to control the world and order off the secret menu at restaurants. I love the upper decker. Again, sir. Again. With a rooty-tooty fresh and fresh. Because different numerical values and dates represent different world leaders and their locations around the world. Broadcasting dates is really a secret treasure map of the location of the lizard people's evil layers.

Or D, because dates represent energy flows and cycles. D. Yes. Okay. Energy flows. What does it even mean? I don't know. Torches are symbolic of...

Oh, Jesus. A, how fucking stupid you people are. B, no, really. I mean, they put the fucking eternal torch on John Kennedy's grave. Could you be more fucking daft? C, I'm not kidding. The Statue of Liberty has a goddamn torch, for Christ's sakes. A fucking torch.

D, Rockefeller Center, Olympics, Amoco. I'm not kidding. The Statue of Liberty has a goddamn torch, for Christ's sakes. A fucking torch. D. Rockefeller Center. Olympics. Amoco. Do I have to fucking keep spelling it out for you morons? Or E. All of the above. I believe it's E.

All of the above. There you go. Nailed it. There you go. That's exactly how this book is written. Cecil, what is the difference between the Illuminati and the Bavarian Illuminati? One S gelatin. A, a delightful custard filling.

B, rich velvety chocolate. C, the Illuminati is the big spoon. The Bavarian Illuminati is the little spoon. That's adorable. D, the Illuminati infiltrated the Freemasons. The Bavarian Illuminati is the little spoon. That's adorable. D. The Illuminati infiltrated the Freemasons. The Bavarian Illuminati put their custard elsewhere. It's D.

It's actually more C than it is. It's a combination. It's a little spoon? Yeah, because it's more much versus less much. Tom, reptiles make great lovers because A. Cold, cold hearts. Snakes are just prehensile phalluses. Tom, reptiles make great lovers because... A. Cold, cold hearts.

Snakes are just prehensile phalluses. B. They use their obelisk to focus all the attention on one spot. C. They can... Starting a fire, honey. C. They can lick their eyebrow. Or D. When you eat a live snake, it tastes like chocolate. And we all know chocolate is an aphrodisiac. I want a do-over. I want a do-over.

B? It is B. I don't want to know that. I don't want to even know that. You didn't do it, though. All right, Cecil. What are obelisks and domes actually really probably? Okay. Definitely.

Okay. A. Uh-huh. These are really thought forms that attract and generate male and female energies. B. When an obelisk loves a dome very much, it bigly much is a huge penis. Bigly much? Love it.

C. Together, the obelisk and dome are symbols of reptilian power that signal where the mothership should land once the plan finally comes to fruition. I love it when a plan comes together. D. These are just shapes, man. Come the fuck on. They are just fucking shapes. Now, in reality, it's D. Yes. But it's actually A. It in reality, it's D. Yes.

But it's actually A. It is indeed, book-wise. Okay. Tom, what is the symbol of the owl doing in the nation's capital? Oh, God. All right. A, keeping track of how many licks it takes to get to the center of Tootsie Pop. B, collecting WikiLeaks emails about what you want on your pizza.

Wink, wink. C, the owl is symbolic of Molarc, the ancient deity to which the children are sacrificed. You connect the dots. D, it's not an owl. It's an upside down torch. It's C, but it's also D. I love it uh see so why are lions used as symbols a because lions just obviously big and strong and imposing and if you just fucking look at one

and try to think of what it represents it's just so obviously power look at at a lion, for God's sake. B. Because lions are golden colored, and gold is the color of the sun, and the reptiles came from constellations, and constellations are stars, and stars are suns, so lions are symbols of the sun, which tells you, here there be reptiles. I like a bull. C. Because in prehistoric times, when the lizard people were out of the lizard closet and running amok, they rode lions into battle. They missed that.

Kind of like that shithead loser whose glory days were in high school. Battle cats. Exactly. Fucking cringer. D, because lions roar totes super loud, just like lizards would if they could. It's a whole thing. I seriously have no idea what the answer is. It's the gold color.

I just ran with the gold color. Oh, I see. Okay. All right. Why would you know? It's nonsense. It's all nonsense. Oh, God. All right. Last question. All right.

The Brotherhood has a famous hand symbol. What is it? A, brushing off your left shoulder with your right hand, also known as signaling the runner to steal third. B, throwing up the horns, which is how Bill Clinton ended his inaugural speech and how thousands of Motley Crue fans expressed their solidarity. I love it. C, the upturned thumb, popularized by the Fonz in Happy Days.

He was clearly a Brotherhood member who took large doses of monatomic gold as he could start and stop electronics at whim i love it d holding your finger and your thumb up to your head in a mock gun and then signaling that that gun has gone off because in order to believe this shit your brain has to be evacuated from your skull i don't it's the a it is actually throwing up the horns no yeah throwing up yeah it says he says that if you throw like bill clinton threw up the horns. No. Yeah. I missed that part. Yeah, he says that if you throw, like, Bill Clinton threw up the horns at the end of his thing. I just added the Motley Crue thing. I did. I must

have missed that whole sentence, probably because I was fucking having an aneurysm from reading this nonsense. All right, so this whole chapter just deals with symbols and garbage and it's just one thing leads to another so I just want to read the synopsis very quickly. Diagonal streets, pardon me, diagonal and straight streets

always make diagonal and straight shapes when connected and viewed from overhead. Washington, D.C. has more upside-down pentagrams than a Slayer press release. 13 is a very symbolic number. Well, not 13 exactly, but 12 and 1, which is why so many buildings in this country have a missing 13th floor. Or is it missing at all?

Bum, bum, bum. Hmm. So next time. I can't believe that was a synopsis. Chapter 18. No, that was it, though. No, I'm right there with you. I'm right there with you.

But we just read something, and that was the synopsis. I feel stupider for having read this. You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers! I want the truth! You can't handle the truth! So this story comes from the friendly atheist blog over at Patheos.

Christian homeschooling advocate. The only reason that math works is that Jesus created it. So this is insane. There is a math textbook, Cecil, that is arguing that the reason that 2 plus 4 equals 6 is Jesus. Well, that makes sense, though. 2 plus 4 equals 6 because of Jesus, because there's four holes and two cross, like two sticks on the cross. There you go. Yeah.

It's the holy sixity. It's the holy six tuplet. You just keep adding things together. Holy sixities. Sixities. I don't think that's a thing. Let me actually read this. Yeah, sure.

This is just delightfully insane. It kind of goes with the we'll just make up reality as we go theme of this episode. This is good stuff. Why? Why what, Johnny? Why does two plus four equal six? Does it always equal six? Of course it does, Johnny.

Why do you ask? Well, can it ever be something different like seven on Monday and 11 on Christmas and 39 on my birthday? No, Johnny, you're a fucking idiot. That's a genuinely stupid question. It'll only be 39 on your birthday when you're real sad and 39. No, of course not. Why not? With this question, this is the best.

The teacher has just found herself in a tight spot. Like it or not, she's facing a question that by state law she is not permitted to answer honestly. What? It's not even by state law even following the crazy premise that would be a violation of church and state to answer the question there would not be a violation of state law that would be a violation of federal law the separation between church and state right yeah yeah okay but wait no but in order to get there

yes you have to presume that answering honestly means she would have to bring up religion. Well, we're going to get there. Because to answer that honestly, you don't even need to talk about religion. No, you just need fingers. You need six fingers. Six total fingers. Or six, like, marbles or something. You just need six units of any measure at all.

So here's the explanation. You just need six units of any measure at all. So here's the explanation. The honest answer that she's not allowed to admit is that the only reason that math works is that Jesus created it from his mind of order and precision. Randomness and chance never produce predictable constancy and accuracy. What does that even mean? And then they go down. Hold on, because it's crazier.

Then we'll go back to it. It says, instead of evolution, as the author on the front cover of the math textbook, that designation rightfully belongs to the Lord Jesus Christ. First of all, nobody writes, oh, who wrote my math book? Oh, dude, is he written by evolution? What are you talking? Evolution is not a person who writes math books. Evolution has nothing to do with math books. Bill Evolution. Right. Like you're just throwing that in there just for the fucking sheer hell of it.

Just for the sheer unadulterated hell of it. Instead of evolution on the front. Okay, so the only reason math works is Jesus created it in his mind of order and precision, randomness and chance never. So are they saying because we live in an unpredictable universe, according to quote-unquote evolutionists, they can never achieve order like adding things together and getting an answer? I think the suggestion here is the fact that there is order. Because it says,

the existence of mathematics is one of the strongest evidences for the existence of God. So the fact of order itself, that things are predictable, is evidence that Jesus made up math. Which suggests to me that before Jesus, they didn't have math. The two plus four sometimes equaled something else.

Jesus is only 2,000 and change years old. I know. How old's the abacus? That's what I mean. Like before that, evidently, evidently before that, like Noah came down to like, how many commandments do you have? And he's like, I don't know. I don't know how many.

It was 10. Now it's three. I don't know. I added them up. And sometimes I get a different number. That's Moses. But also, Noah would have been like, I don't know how many two is. Right.

How many is a two? I don't know. How many is a seven, Ungalates or whatever you want on there? How big should this boat be? I don't know. 36 cubits. Today. What's a 36?

Right. I don't. I can't. I don't even know what that is. To this. It's just. I don't math. I can't add this up. There's no way. Bring me seven giraffes. I don't even know what that is. I don't math. I can't add this up.

There's no way. Bring me seven giraffes. I don't know how much that is today. I'm just going to get some. Can I just get some giraffes and we'll hope it's seven? Are they conflating Jesus and God, though? But even if they are, it's just so patently insane. No, it's not that it's not patently insane,

but at least if it's God, it fits their timeline. It's not that it's not patently a saying, but at least if it's God, it fits their timeline. I love that they can't even be consistent about their own mythology. I think it was just, I don't know, who's the best one in that book? It's Jesus? That's Jesus. That's like... So I want to thank our most recent patrons. Of course, we want to thank all our patrons.

Thank you also very much for your patronage. We really do appreciate it. But we want to thank Timothy, Katie, Matthew, Sleazy P. Martini, Donovan, and Doomtooth. Thanks so much for your generous donations. We really do appreciate it. It really does go a long way to making sure this show happens. We have overhead costs that do cost us quite a bit of change. We want to thank all the people who helped send us money to make sure this show keeps going.

So we want to talk briefly about our appearance on the David Smalley podcast-a-thon. We did have a very nice time on the podcast-a-thon. I thought Mr. Smalley did a nice job. You know, for organizing such a big event for a little guy, he really did a really good job for that. Raised a ton of money. Wound up raising, at this point. I know you can keep donating, but at this point, they're at $63,134. Of that is about $8,000 that happened during our hour.

There was a match from Todd Stiefel during our hour. Somebody, when we jumped in, somebody donated $2,000 immediately. Like right away boom and we donated in turn to the aclu this week we donated two thousand dollars based on that because we wanted to make sure that uh that while we were there to help support camp quest by giving up our you know giving an hour and trying to help entertain and and trying to get people to donate we also wanted to make sure that we we we gave some incentive to some people to donate our hour, and then we would help out something else that we thought was important. And the ACLU this upcoming year is going to be very important.

It's super important. So we decided to donate a couple thousand dollars to them. And then our hour wound up raising $8,000, so $10,000 total to charity during our hour. And it was great. I mean, the people just gave. It's just so awesome. And the community is just amazing. I mean, this is to Camp Quest.

And Camp Quest, if you listen to this broadcast-a-thon, podcast-a-thon that was going on, it was just so great to hear all the stories. And they called a bunch of campers. And these are people who are looking to go have fun somewhere. And what was happening was they were forced to go to these religious camps where they do this crazy kidnapping. Or even if they don't, they don't have a lot of fun, so they're just like, okay, kids, we're just going to tie yarn and nuts for four hours.

They just don't have any kind of activities planned. They have crappy facilities this is a way to send your kids to a quality thing and they will have a great time and they're fed and they're you know they have a you know they just it's just a great experience for these children and some of the stuff that they were talking to these kids about is really important at that age you're talking about death with some of these kids like in a way that like these kids can really try to contend with because it's a big deal for kids.

Right, it is. And it's a big deal for kids, particularly secular kids, that don't have a sort of pre-established worldview for what they're going to do and how this works. To be able to go someplace and not be proselytized to, but let kids just go and be kids, like Seth was talking about. It's just a place for kids to go and enjoy their summer and be kids and find community and

do those things that camp should really be about. So I was very excited. You know, I intend to at some point ship one of my kids off to camp quest. That'll be awesome. Ask to have them back at the end. That is. Well, yeah, they may keep them. They are welcome to at least one of them.

He's, I will say this for David. He put on a hell of a show this time. Worked his way around the clock again. Yes, he did. $63,000 is nothing to spit at. David Smalley, congratulations, my friend. That's a lot of money. That is a lot of money.

A lot of good in the world. And I know that he's not going to take the credit for it. And as well, he shouldn't. All those people who donated time, donated money, you know, that falls on all their shoulders. But there needs to be an organizer and an organizing feature. And you were it, David. You did a great job. It doesn't happen without him.

It doesn't happen without you, buddy. Congratulations. Well done. No Illusions also raised a ton of money during his hour. $5,300 during his hour. That's less than our hour, though, right? It was. Just a double check.

It was significantly less. But a lot of money raised during his hour. That's less than our hour, though, right? It was. Just a double check. It was significantly less. But a lot of money raised during that hour. It just turns out there was just so much giving around the clock. And we can't thank everybody enough for donating to this great cause. Speaking of the GAM crew, and no illusions, we are going to be doing a live show. We are. Very exciting. The GAM crew are coming to Chicago.

And we are going to have the gam crew are coming to chicago and we are gonna have january so the brave souls what's cool is there's gonna be a vip which is already sold out so you can't get vip tickets right but the vip we're gonna have dinner with people beforehand then we're gonna go over and do our show then afterwards we're gonna go out for a drink so if you're interested in hanging out chilling um we're gonna going to be at the Red Lion afterwards, but we're going to be doing the show. The tickets are still on sale right now. If you get the tickets,

you can still buy general admission tickets. They are, at this point, they're going fast. They're not completely sold out. You can get some tickets still, but you really should consider getting the tickets. Don't wait until January. This place is going to sell out. In my opinion, they'll probably be gone in about a week.

At this rate, they're going to be gone in about a week. So if you have tickets, if you have it in your mind that you want to come to Chicago in January, January 13th on a Friday, check out this episode's show notes. There's a link to tickets there. You can buy tickets

and come on out. We're going to be hanging out all weekend and um we're gonna actually be hanging out one of the things that's gonna be weird is like so we're gonna be hanging out with eli and eli's a vegan right stop and he's kind of like a hobbit right he's got to eat second breakfast and third breakfast and then first lunch because none of it's food. And everywhere he goes, he's going to walk up and, you know, because he's a vegan, he's like, potato. Boil them, mash them, stick them in a Jew. But it's going to be a lot of fun. We're looking forward to hanging out with those guys. It should be a great time.

And we're also looking forward to doing the show. It's going to be. I'm very excited. I think it's a very nice theater. And really, Chicago in January? Oh, you can't go wrong. Man. So we got a message from Propanic, and he had said, he was talking about some of the

social justice stuff we were talking about recently. And one of the things he says, which I thought was really interesting, he or she it's, I can't tell whether it's a guy or a girl. Uh, it says, uh, it really feels like the ideas don't matter anymore. Only who expresses them and how, and he says it goes for both goes for all sides, by the way, I really do think you're right. I mean, for a long time, there's been a cult of personality around PZ Myers. whatever he says is is just gospel truth to some people um some of the big feminists the same thing's the truth where it's just you know whatever rebecca watson says is gospel truth whatever you know anita sarkazian says is gospel truth and the same thing goes for the other side whatever the angry atheist or thunderfoot or um you know uh although thunder much less now, especially now that he's become

an anti-Trump. I'm seeing a lot more pushback on him. Really? Yeah. Actually, he's doing a lot of videos that are anti-Trump. I don't know if you've seen this and he's tweeting a lot that's anti-Trump. It's actually really interesting to see a pushback from his audience because his audience, I think, is sort of on that right side, that right side. And his videos are really like the safe space video he did on trump is actually really funny um but uh milo's one of those people you know like there's just these people that no matter what they do it's the problem with a cult of personality you can't say anything about it and it's like man you know these are just people when i was talking to caris answer maria last episode i was like you know i really respect sam harris but you know

you can't you can't tweet this thing out without any proof that some troll said something and then come back and double down on it. You know what I mean? Like, it's just, it just feels disingenuous. And I, you know, I'm not going to, I'm not going to defend Sam's position there. That's a silly position. And so I feel like throughout this thing, you've just got to be intellectually honest and be willing to say, you know, no man, fucking call your friends out on their bullshit. Also call your heroes out on their bullshit, too. That's important. Interesting. This American Life, I guess it's episode 603 that tells the story of the boomba.

I love this American Life. I will check this out. Maybe on my drive home. This is great. Listen to this. We got a message from Tim, and Tim sent a very heartfelt message to us about sort of how Cogdiss and scathing sort of touched his life. And and I don't want to read the message, but it's very personal. But it's it's it really touched me. And we're you know, it's tough times are tough times.

And we really do. Our heart goes out to you. But, you know, just anything that we did. I'm just blown away that we could do anything in that situation, but I'm happy to be here. Yeah, I got to say, Tim, my heart goes out to you. I'm glad that any of the craziness and the dick jokes and whatever it is that we put out, that it meant something to you and it meant something to your son. It warmed my heart,

and I'm glad that you were able to have that point of connection. We got a message from Elvis, and Elvis sent us a Game of Thrones checkerboard. I love it. Is he going to castle here? Is that what's going to happen? It's that upper decker. It's a little... It's one of those chess moves.

They don't use it very often. A lot of people call it cheating. Kasparov is in his book or whatever. I don't even know if that's a person. It just sounded Russian. It sounds Russian as fuck, dude. I thought I'd say it. It sounds Russian as whatever. I don't even know if that's a person. It just sounded Russian. It sounds Russian as fuck, dude. I thought I'd say it. It sounds Russian as fuck.

So I want to play a clip. This is from episode 80. Oh, God. Tom said this out loud, and so we're just going to play it. This is from Thurston. If you really want to have children, then fuck your mom. Jesus. That's it.

I don't know. Maybe it'll do it. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe it'll do it. I don't know. I don't know. And we also got a message. We're going to put a link to this on this episode's show notes. This is from Jeff. And he sent us a message.

And it's got a recipe for, okay. First off, it's a pie. Secondly, it's an eggnog pie. Third, it's a fucking no-bake pie. a pie secondly it's an eggnog pie third it's a fucking no bake pie there's nothing more grotesque than eggnog other than solid eggnog dude i cannot imagine chewing on eggnog if you had because you were in prison or there's a post-apocalyptic world where the only food item you could find was eggnog if you had to choke down an eggnog just for its caloric content to stay alive first i'm still not sure i'd do it i'm not sure i'd want to live that

i would probably cut out my own tongue and eat that i i feel like i would be down to just a head before that happened like i would just consume the entirety of myself like a fucking or a boris before i would get to the eggnog choking on your own leg oh god but the notion of chewing on egg oh my fucking god yeah i'd rather have a fucking no bake semen pie yeah yeah no i mean you might as well have a booger pie it's just it's a gross, nasty mucus pie. God. That looks disgusting. Look at it. Look at it. It's fucking.

Look at the yellow. I know. It's like it's zit mucus yellow. That's exactly the color. God, that's so disgusting. What are the ingredients? Horror? Shame?

It looks horrifying. It looks literally like the worst thing. It looks horrifying. I'd rather be waterboarded than eat that. I'd rather Tom be waterboarded than eat that. I'd rather Tom be waterboarded than eat that. And you know what they served with? A glass of eggnog!

Right next to it. There's really nothing to choke down. You really can't choke down eggnog without choking down some extra eggnog. God damn. So next week it's our hope to have Thomas from Thomas and the Bible on, as well as Atheistically Speaking, which is maybe going to be rebranded soon.

So we'll figure that out in the future. No, he announced it. He announced it to his peeps. It's to patrons now, but by this time, it'll be everybody. The whole world knows. We might have at this point, too. I don't know if it releases or not by Monday, but we were on an episode of Atheistically Speaking,

his 300th episode he had us on. We talk about free speech issues, so if that's something that interests you, if you want to hear two guys who are pretty uninformed talk about speech issues, you can listen to the Atheistically Speaking. Supposedly his 300th episode, though, looks like it's going to be a lot of fun.

It does. Some really great people. I'm anxious to hear it. He's got a ton of people from all across the spectrum coming on, and so it should be pretty interesting. I've been told I was on the spectrum before, so yeah. Yeah, that's fair. I was thinking

across the spectrum in the sense that you're the whitest and Ishmael's the blackest. That's very true. There's gradations in there. They don't get much whiter than this. But it should be pretty good. And we are also hoping to guest on opening arguments to talk about, again, the same sort of issue. If you're interested in hearing two guys, again, who don't know anything. I feel like they are or they wouldn't be listening to this show.

Law talky stuff will be on that show with law talkers. But we're going to be on a couple of different shows coming up. And we're also going to have Thomas on our show to talkers. But we're going to be on a couple of different shows coming up, and we're also going to have Thomas on our show to talk about, you know, he finally finished the Bible and the rebranding of Atheistically Speaking. And, of course, Thomas is going to do a story with us and hang out and have fun. I hope he reads it. So, yeah. Don't get your hopes up.

So that's going to wrap it up for this week. We are going to leave you, like we always do, with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info docutainment. Leo, Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques and synagogues,

temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, churches, mosques, and synagogues. Temples, dragons, giant worms. Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts. Shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and information provided on this podcast

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