Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 332: Thomas and the Apocrypha

Episode Date: December 19, 2016

Thanks to our guest, Thomas from Thomas and The Bible, Atheistically Speaking, Comedy Shoeshine, Opening Arguments....and probably ten more podcasts we can't remember... Congrats to Thomas for finally finishing The Bible, check out his video here: Stories covered in the episode:       Join us and the GAM crew in Chicago Jan 13th. The show is selling out fast!  Li'l Despots - Thanks Kernan! How to actually drink Eggnog:   

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Greetings, citizens. I was wondering if you'd be willing to take one last poll for 2016. Would you describe your behavior in the past month more like, number one, you've run around naked, except for an orange humping vest, randomly discharging a shotgun in any direction and shouting, Miracle! Or, number two, about every hour or so you throw up a little bit in your mouth. Boo. Glory hole, motherfuckers. We need your humor more than ever.

Uh, hi, Tom and Cecil. This is, uh, Rose from, uh Rose from California. And I just need to tell everybody that this so-called code of pizza and hot dogs, meaning all this stuff that Pizzagate people are referring to. So a lot of these Pizzagate people, like originally they started out on 4chan and Reddit. And on 4chan, they have, basically their only rule is that you can't post child pornography or talk about child pornography or you'll be banned. So they developed this thing where instead of saying child pornography,

they would say CP. And then instead of CP, they would say cheese pizza, and then that's pizza. So then on 4chan, talking about pizza meant that you were actually talking about child pornography. And these are the same people that are now accusing John Podesta and everybody else of being involved in this. So basically, to recap all that, what that means is that the only reason that they think that pizza is a code word for child pornography is because they themselves are pedophiles. They made this up and they think that everybody else is.

It's total projection. Thanks, glory hole. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording live from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way, we bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad.

It's my new thing. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome at this episode 332 of Cognitive Dissonance. You're nodding very approvingly. I'm happy that you remembered it. It's right on the notes. Okay, that's fair. Nailed it.

I read it on the notes. And we are joined this episode by Thomas from... Opening arguments, atheistically speaking, comedy shoeshine, and Thomas and the Bible sometimes, but now it's over, but maybe it'll come back in a different format. How'd I do? But yeah, no, you did get pretty much all of them there. I would say I was going to stop you and say, let's just send like a zip file to all your listeners just contains the list of all the podcasts. We like them.

We like them. We wouldn't want to. The most prolific man in podcasting, I think, right here on this show. I couldn't believe he had time for it. He had his 300th episode of Atheistically Speaking very recently. So congratulations on that. You had us on that show as well as several other people. We were on 302, I think.

We didn't make the cut for 300. I know, I noticed the same thing. I want to congratulate you guys on getting an intern who just, their only job is to make sure Tom gets the episode number right. I'm pretty sure that's her entire job description. That's not her only job.

Yeah, her other job is ordering Reese's Pieces for the fucking studio. Which is really something we never do. Literally the only thing we ever do, yeah. It's the best. Like, hey, can you make sure we have a Reese's Pieces jar filled? And she's like, yeah, I'll order it after I get done eating this gun. Yeah, no problem. I'm glad you guys have no dignity either you don't even care you're

like hey yeah let's face it no we need this fucking reese's pieces jar full we don't even care that we're asking we're gonna ask her to set up ivs next week we had a whole conversation about whether or not if you ate m&ms and reese's pieces when it tastes like a peanut butter cup the only way to solve that was to do the research. We had to do it by science. And of course, she didn't order just like three bags. She ordered giant fucking like family-sized bags. I love it. That's a go-getter. I'm looking right now.

It's a 48-ounce bag. We have fucking six pounds of candy in here. It's amazing. What we had. I mean, most of it. There's a lot of it's gone. So what you're saying is it sounds like she sized you up properly and did an accurate job. Her first comment after going through our email for a week was, God, you guys get a lot of food from Grubhub.

I felt judged and then hungry. And then we ordered. and then hungry and then we ordered yeah so 300 uh 300 episodes of atheistically speaking before we get into uh any of the other stuff we wanted to talk about um 300 episodes what has been uh for that one of your highlights of that show i mean you've had so many different people on and you've had like has there been one show that really sticks out in your mind that you're like wow i i can't believe that this one got made or you know this was this was really an amazing moment that i had in this you know 300 plus hours worth of stuff that you've put out you know what you're trying to get me to say you know what you're trying to get me uh i i did get in there

i know i'm not that. Well, that was my first thought. My first thought was this. You're a very pretty girl. You're a very pretty girl. I'm growing my hair out. And then I realized that the only thing I could possibly say is that the Smalley episode launched me so much further in my podcasting career. Like, I'm not even making that up.

I didn't even, like, we even... I was talking to you guys before that aired and we were like, God, should I even post this? I don't even know. I said no too. You guys almost convinced me. I think I called you at home in a panic like, don't do it, buddy. Don't do it. Yeah. I was like, man, I just

guess I'll do it. I posted it and everything took off. This is proof that nobody should take my advice. That's what that is. I mean, I'll do it. And I posted it. And like everything took off. This is proof that nobody should take my advice. Yeah. Right. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I already knew that.

So that was when I was like, I need to post this. That's my heart space. I was actually hoping you were going to say your guest edited episode was your best episode ever. One of the best highlights is you sending me a file, like an email saying, here's part two that i salvaged for the so what happened to set it up for anyone who doesn't know is cecil guest edited a disaster of a conversation it was a fucking train and here's the thing i'm going part of so i recently announced i'm going full-time podcasting the reason is is i'm having like nervous breakdowns i can't even do all the work anymore i just i cannot keep up with the work. You should get an assistant.

And so in the middle, I have one. Could you imagine without Haley how bad this would be? So I was like, I don't know if I'm going to air this, but I don't have time to like not use this two hour fucking recording. And so Cecil, out of the kindness of his heart, was like, you know what? Let me try to edit it for you. And I was like, that is the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me, including all my parents. Everything my parents ever did for me

was not as nice as that. And I said, thank you, because I don't even know that I can do this. Like, I can't get everything done. And so he does. Cecil does a part one, and he's like, yeah, I think this is pretty good. I think this will work.

And I was like, okay, I'm just going to fucking air it. I didn't even listen to it. I was like, I trust you. I'm glad you trusted fucking air it. I didn't even listen to it. I was like, I trust you. I'm glad you trusted me. Why? You didn't even listen to it? Wow. You didn't even proof it?

I didn't listen to it ahead of time. No, I couldn't. Oh, we should have changed it. I could have almost certainly made it say, Eli, say, I like butt sex. I guarantee if you give me enough time and enough tape. Actually, all I need is like 30 seconds of Eli saying that. I wish you would have it would have it would have gone but then the here's the so here's the punchline of this story

that is so fucking funny is that uh later email you sent uh cecil it said uh here's what i could salvage from part two now keep in mind i'm i'm like in out of the goddamn hospital no not really but i'm i'm like just cannot manage it now. I cannot get enough fucking done in enough time. And so I see that email and I think, okay, he found a part two. He got a part two out of this recording. And so on that part one, I announced to everybody, I'm like, hey, Cecil tells me he got a part two out of this terrible recording. It was just a big argument. Like it was just awful for anyone who hasn't heard it. Oh, it's terrible. It was totally worth listening to, but it was awful. I don't know what the best thing you've ever done is, but I know what the worst thing you've ever done is. Yeah, that's accurate. Okay. So I tell them and I tell the audience because I can't help but be an honest guy. I cannot help. That is my, I just have to be. I told the audience like,

I'm not even sure you want to hear this. Like, I really don't know. But Cecil says there's a part two. If enough people say they want to hear part two, it i'll post it and that's that's what i said to my audience and so everyone was saying it was like five to one in favor and and i get a text from cecil saying dude did you did you listen to what i sent you and you're like i didn't even listen to the thing that you edited that i posted as a show exactly i i was like no man i just don't have time you have no idea how fucking like i can't with work and all this stuff i just don't have time he's like you need to listen to it so i go check it out and it's just a like a minute long clip of all the shitty noises that he picked out of the recording and he said it wasn't salvageable so i this whole time i was

thinking there was going to be this great part two that cecil had salvaged and it was just a total fucking joke that he played on me that i didn't read because i didn't have time and i announced that they were oh it was so good i'm so the best part is when somebody blows their nose into the microphone like right into the microphone my favorite part is that the i kept the actual reaction which was which was going the fuck was that like and no one answered me beautiful moment where somebody what the fuck was that and no one answered like right into the microphone and you're like they're like cleaning out their spit valves of their fucking tuba. And then someone is fucking reassembling an M16 the entire time. But I will say, it is freshest on my mind, of course,

but literally, Cecil, that is one of the funniest things to happen on all of my 300 episodes, was me promising this part two. Well, it is a humorless show. Oh, be nice. I don't know how to do that. So we're having a good time, and Tom ruins it. I get it. So we're all friends.

We're all like, hey, we're joking. Just ask his marriage. Oh, you can't ask my marriage. It's not there anymore. So to talk about this story from NBCNews.com, women's groups challenge new Texas abortion restrictions. So there's new laws taking effect December the 19th, which is going to require that embryonic and fetal tissue resulting from abortions, also from miscarriages, must be buried or cremated regardless of a woman's religious beliefs or personal wishes. It's just –

That is actually the second draft of the law. I want to read a couple of things that were in the original law. So this was originally what was there. You had to actually buy the fetus a season past to a water park. And then you had to call up and have an awkward conversation

to see if you could get a partial refund. You know, that is, when they're on there, the laziest river. Also within the law was something that said you had to fully furnish its room and then put up a post that you're giving it all away on free cycle. There's a picture of the baby on the wall of the room, and it's just like hanging from a branch. It just says, hang from there.

Actually, forget it. And then the final thing that was originally in the law was um you had to say the following sentence to your parents we're expecting oh god to get an abortion so you had to do all three of those things they took all that out but now you just have to bury it so that's yeah at least you just have to bury it now instead of those things those awful at least you just have to bury it now. Right. Those awful things. You get, you get choices. You can,

you know, especially, I mean, cause I, you know, the thing is like, if you have to buy it a car seat and then you sell that car seat, that's a lot of money.

You're not supposed to resell cars. And you're never going to get the same amount of money. I know. You know what I mean? It's fucking. Yeah. I think you also have to start all of its social media accounts and like get that going. You have to tweet one tweet as your dead fetus.

You have to tweet out the ultrasound and then tweet another tweet out of you burning the ultrasound. If you get an abortion early enough and you have to cremate it, it's just like... It's like a cigarette. It's like... You just use that little thing in your car. It's like if you get one in like seven weeks. You just use that little thing in your car. Right. You can fit that in a one-hitter. In a one-hitter.

I'm going to vape this baby. Oh, my God. That's just... How do you choose? Bury it? Is it like a micro-cache then? Like you bury it and just set the cord in like a little film jar? I mean, really, the things you made up are not more ridiculous than the actual law.

I know. That's the thing. They're borderline similar. It says the uh i'm gonna quote a piece from the bottom it says a rape victim said requiring her to bury the fetus would be would amount to the state of texas rubbing my face in my own rape but another woman said burying the fetus after a miscarriage gave her a sense of peace and the thing is nothing is stopping that one woman from burying i know there. There's no, I mean, there's, but instead.

It's almost like it should be your choice whether you want to fucking do that or not. Instead, you basically have to say like, look, you know, we're going to make this a mandate so we can have half of the women or part of the women resent this. And it's like you're making a law specifically so people would resent it instead of having it be like this woman said, a beautiful thing that helped her get past or grow with the grief. Like nothing stops you from doing that. Well, Thomas appears to be espousing some kind of like choice related, like almost like a pro choice. Yeah. It's weird when you see a sentence like you just read a couple of sentences where one person said this would be horrible, another person said this was fine. It's almost like if there was some way the people who think it would be fine

could choose to do it, and the people who think it's horrible could choose not to do it. Gosh, if only there was some way. Now, did they have, obviously, I know that every bill gets like a house bill or name and a number and whatever. Is there a colloquial name for this?

Is this like the abortion shame law or the totes sad times law? Waste of fucking time law? Two box sized coffin law? Do you have to treat it like the goldfish that died? How formal does the funeral have to be or the burial?

Can you do a burial at sea and flush it down the toilet? As long as you play taps I think you can. Because really we did it to Bin Laden, right? That's true. We did it to... If it's good enough for Bin Laden, it's good enough for my corpse-y fetus. Corpse-y the fetus. So here's what I want to...

Jesus Christ. I'm going to start... You're going to have to start that Twitter account, Corpse-y, and then start tweeting from it. Oh my God. Oh my God. That would be an amazing Twitter account. It's like you go to the backyard.

It's like there's a gravestone for the cat, the hamster. And then it says, the next headstone says, like, some tissue is what it says. It's like, yeah, the state made me do this. Just abbreviated to S-Tissue. Wait a minute. We got to start burying our tissues? Uh-oh. I'm going to need a bigger yard. Tom's going to need a landfill-sized plot.

Again, I've given all those a burial at sea, so it's good. But here's where I want to plug opening arguments, because I find this so fascinating. Now that I've been learning so fucking much from Andrew Torres over on opening arguments, I want to ask you guys, what do you think? I'm going to pull an Andrew because he does this to me. What do you think this is constitutional? Tell me what you think. I'm not familiar enough with Roe versus Wade to know whether or not it would go against that. But

my thought would be it doesn't sound constitutional because you're putting some sort of – there's some sort of restriction on abortion, and it feels like it's not constitutional to me. It feels non-constitutional to me for other reasons. that precluded them from doing this, then... So the burial rights, whether you engage in them or don't engage in them, have always been up to the individual and they've been protected, I thought, by your right to religious liberty.

So I would think you'd be challenged on those grounds. Yeah, that's a good point. Interesting. Those are interesting answers. So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to tell you what I think, but I'm not a fucking lawyer. So why do we care? So I'm going to tell you my

guess, and then if you want to check out these two fuckers you're listening to and I and Andrew Torres on a future episode of Opening Arguments, we're actually going to talk about it, and Andrew will give us the right answer. But here's my guess from all that I've learned. And I've learned a lot. I've learned enough to where I can say a statement that's, God, it could be

upwards of 60% correct. Can you imagine? What, did you get it from a yik-yak? Yeah, yeah. I could say legal things. Come on, yik-yaks aren't that correct. Let's be honest. Before, if someone asked me a question about this, I would be like, Roe v. Wade? Just nothing. Now I can say a statement that I think is going to be somewhere in the neighborhood of true. But based on, so what I've learned from Andrew is that Roe v. Wade set up a trimester approach. And then this later case, I think it was like Planned Parenthood v. Casey, set up this standard where viability, post-viability,

it was okay for states to completely outlaw abortion. But before viability, they can't put an undue burden on it. And that's the key word. I actually think this will end up being constitutional or it could because the case you would have to make is does this put an undue burden on the woman to get an abortion in the first place? And my guess would be that if they, I don't know, if the state like incentivizes the fucking funeral homes that are having to do this procedure or whatever,

you know, this process of cremation or burial or whatever. If the state like incentivizes that or gets someone else to pay for it and doesn't put an undue burden on the woman, I actually think it'll stand up. But it's a really interesting issue because it comes along the lines of all these fucking bills that now that Republicans try to push through that they know they can't outlaw abortion. They're just going to make it as annoying as fucking possible with all this stuff you have to do. And these hoops you have to jump through. You have to read like a comic that tells you how bad you are for murdering your child. And like you have to do all this shit that, well, like, well, it's not an undue burden.

But, you know, and it just barely squeezes through. You have to write a heartfelt letter to your fetus. Right. Yeah. You know, for the burial thing, though, like, I mean, burials are not free. They're not inexpensive. Like, do you get a discount by the pound? Well, it said in here, it said.

Thank you. Took a second. Depends. I mean, it depends on if you're going to use the vacuum sealer or not. You know what I mean? Like, I guess. But it's. Can you do it in bulk?

Can we just. You got to go to Costco. Can we go like ferrets on it in bulk? Can we just... You gotta go to Costco. Can we do it like ferrets on the Rainbow Bridge? Just chuck a... Put a dozen or so of them in the... Ferret movie. I remember that movie. Ferret documentary.

That was awesome. I think they're just gonna need to parrot with somebody else who needs to get cremated anyway. Like, they're like, okay. Yeah, like they can hold them under their arm like a duck or something. Every old... Every, like, your grandpa who dies, like, they get to get cremated with a buddy. And then they have like a little. Can you get a punch card?

Like if you abort six, the seventh one is free. You get a free latte. The funny thing is, though, I actually did hear, I think on the radio, on NPR, a funeral home director was like, we can't fucking do this. Like, this is gonna be ridiculous. Like was like, we can't fucking do this. This is going to be ridiculous. We're going to have to add all this. So unless the state pays for it, they're going to just be expected to absorb all this cost.

Because it's not free. There's shit they have to do. There's procedures they have to follow. You get to embalm it? It's like the size of a thimble. I know. It's crazy. And they also said that this is going to apply to miscarriages too. I saw unless you miscarry at home yeah but i think that they're probably just going to give you a state supplied strainer that you can fish it out of the toilet it's the shape of texas it's like the strainer and it's like a minnow

fucking miscarriage strainer. Oh my god. If they did that, there's no way if I were a woman, if that law passed and I were a woman, there's no way I would not send them a bag of my own shit. There's no way. I would say, hey, you want it? Oh, I miscarried. Here you go. I saved it. I saved it for you guys. Here you go.

Do it, do it. Your burial ceremony. It looks like a Texan. I miscarried a food baby. I carry every one of those to term. I don't want to get into debate about climate change, but I will just simply point out that I think in academia we all agree that the temperature on Mars is exactly as it is here. Nobody will dispute that. Yet there are no coal mines on Mars is exactly as it is here. Nobody will dispute that. Yet there are no coal mines on Mars.

There's no factories on Mars that I'm aware of. This one comes from The Independent. Fucking shit. Scientists are frantically copying U.S. climate data, fearing it might vanish under Trump. Precautionary measure involves independent servers to house mountains of data. Trump. Precautionary measure involves independent servers to house mountains of data. Just the fact that scientists that are working on climate change, one of the most pressing problems

that globally all of humanity faces right now, the very fact that this guy's election causes them so much concern and worry and fear that they're not even convinced that their data will survive. And at first I thought like, that's crazy. Like no one's going to go in and delete the data. And then I got to thinking a little bit, well, I think that's right. I don't think anyone's going to go in and delete the data. But what I could see easily happening is something just gets defunded. And then that data sits on a server that somebody just unplugs and it goes away. Yeah. Right. It goes away. Like I have, I was thinking of my work, right? So I have astronomical amounts of data. Um, but if somebody just came in and said, okay,

right now, if somebody walked in my door and said, okay, everybody here is fired, we're defunding the whole thing. And walk over my server and unplug it and then just gets fucking recycled all that data is just gone yeah right so if we don't it's not that somebody's going to come in and be like erase the climate data but what they could do is just just stop valuing it yeah stop value it and don't value the data don't value the science and then who's going to save it it's not like you're gonna think the last scientist to leave the building puts the data, don't value the science, and then who's going to save it? It's not like the last scientist to leave the building puts the data in their pocket, right? Hold on, I have to get my 20 terabyte hard drive out and put it somewhere, even more than that, I'm sure. Or they get a job in a

big data field, like big climate. You're not getting, you're right, it's just this idea that first off, they don't respect that data. That's the main thing, that they don't respect it. So they're not going to create any policies that follow. What is a consensus of scientists at this point? You have outliers, but again, you start looking back at some of these outliers and then you're like, oh yeah, they're paid for by this guy. You know, it's, it's pretty, there's some pretty obvious connections. And so it's not a, it's not a shock to anybody who follows this stuff, that this stuff is real. And then when you start talking to people outside that don't think it's really, I'm

just, I'm always blown away. But now we have a president or soon to be have a president that is, that does this. That's a guy that's going to just ignore this data. The minority president elect Donald Trump has come out and said. Yeah. I mean, he's come out and said that he's skeptical, nobody knows. Yeah. You know, this is information that's up in the air.

No, it's not. He's skeptical of this, but he's perfectly, he has a 100% positive that 3 million illegals voted, right? Yeah, right. Yeah, come on. This is a guy who does not vet his information. He does what is good for Donald Trump. I mean, this is obvious.

You can't argue with this, right? You can't send me a message and be like, no, I really do think. No, he's arguing his best interest in this stuff. He's doing it with every single thing he has. And only his best interest. And it's only been his best interest since he's taken office.

Because he's an asshole. Yeah, and there's only been his best interest since he's taken office because he's an asshole yeah no and don't and and there's and there's no argument against that look at what he's done now that may benefit you that may be the thing that benefits you and that's fine however that works that's a side benefit that's a side he doesn't have you in mind yeah yeah the thing is that like donald trump is the pill and side effects may include exactly right yeah that some white people are happy yeah that's like side effects may include feelings of joy by entitled white people like that's it right who have a lot of money yeah exactly i don't know exactly what it is or what it's doing but this is not human intelligence okay it's not human intelligence so this story comes from right wing watch this is is Alex Jones. Hillary Clinton has personally murdered and chopped up and raped children.

So this is a quote, right? Alex Jones, quote, Hillary Clinton has personally murdered and chopped up and raped children. And I thought, that is the wrong order. I know. That is the right, that's, I mean, like, look, this whole thing is gross. Yeah. But that is just the absolute wrong order. It's like it's like it's like searing your braids, then cutting it and then putting it back in the pain.

You're like, what are you doing? You've got this whole process all mixed up. If you're going to rape the kids, don't do it when they're all chopped up into bits and bobs. Well, you know, there's there's a lot less screaming then. I know, but you can't see the fear in their eyes jesus christ can we cut out the whole show from the show can we just can we just have the sound of silence can we get just can you just play can you play a clip where i'm not an awful person please darkness my old friend so uh this is this is actually uh one of those things that when i heard i heard that he said yeah i had heard that he said it yeah and my first thought was

he didn't say that right like i thought what i thought tom yeah was i thought that somebody is taking alex jones as fucking like you know like of context, which you don't have to do any time, right? Alex Jones, just, he has diarrhea in the mouth. He says whatever he wants. Yeah, I can relate. And in this case, in this case, though, he's, I'm just going to play the tape. So it starts out, it's, this is a bumper for his show. You almost, I don't think you believe me.

I didn't believe you. You did not believe me. You said it out loud. Tom said, well, he said that Hillary Clinton chopped up kids and fucked them. And I was like, nobody said that. There's no way anybody said that. And then I couldn't immediately fight it. I was like, did I fucking make this up?

I was doubting myself. And then I found it. I was like, I found it. There's no way. My mind was like, there's no way somebody said that. It's Eli Bosnick that because i know we don't it's eli bosnick crazy i know we don't have libel laws as deep as as britain but this is libel this is insane this is i would sue the fuck out of this guy if he said this about me i would i

would immediately go to court and sue the fuck out of this guy because i think you got a case if you don't have a case here, then there's literally no case that can be made if you're a celebrity or a public figure. I mean, I really think if this does not cross the bar, then you're just... Because I know that when you're a public figure that that bar gets higher

and higher and higher, right? But I mean at a certain point, though. Oh, I know. I'm right there with you, Cecil. I mean, I understand when you say like, you know... I mean i i don't know where that bar bar lays for me but it's certainly this is well past so i'm going to play this now this is a bumper for his show so what that means is is that we're coming back from a break where he's playing music he's playing a song uh by johnny cash in the background so that's what you're going to be hearing. Resistance to tyrants is obedience to Hillary. A message to Hillary.

It's Alex Jones. You can run all the time. When I think about all the children Hillary Clinton has personally murdered and chopped up and raped. Yeah, there we go. No, that's it. That's exactly it. When I think about it,

now, is he saying that number's zero? Yeah, right. Is that the next thing he says? I don't think so. I have zero fear standing up against you. I guess he does say zero. He does say zero. He says zero. Not in say zero. He says zero.

Not in the context you were referring to. Yeah, you heard me right. Hillary Clinton has personally murdered children. Let's just go ahead and double down on that one. If anyone wants to know what I really think about that, let me go ahead and double the motherfucker down on that. That's crazy. What I think is crazy about this is that we have a guy who has millions, million plus listeners, let's say.

That is horrifying. And he is able to say this sort of thing with zero proof. And he has a very loyal following of people who will act on his words. They have proven this with the Pizzagate thing. Right. And he has stirred up enough unstable souls to make this feel very dangerous. Incredibly dangerous. Incredibly.

I just can't hold back the truth anymore. Hillary Clinton is one of the most vicious serial killers the planet's ever seen. I just can't hold back the truth anymore. Hillary Clinton is one of the most vicious serial killers the planet's ever seen. Again? We are, I mean, like, there is no way that you are going to think he's saying something metaphorical. Because he's going out of his way to say, listen. This isn't hot dogs and pizza and sauce. Right. This is, she killed people. Yeah. She chopped them up. Three times. She fucking Judas'd and sauce. Right. This is, she killed people.

Yeah. She chopped them up. Three times. She fucking Judas'd this shit. Yeah. Three times. Oh, yeah. He had an opportunity to deny Christ three fucking times.

Here we are. Like, in case you weren't clear, it's him right there. That guy. Jesus. There's a twist to that. Am I talking about the devil worship story with her chief of staff, her campaign chairman? Looking at the menu of blood and semen and body parts at the Aleister Crowley event? He just gets crazier and crazier.

Is he just saying all the things he thinks remind someone of Satanism? Is that what he's doing? Yeah, I think so. I think he's just naming gross shit that people can get fucking feel gross about. Yeah. And that's all, right? What I wonder too is we have this,

he's the one who's saying the explicit part of what goes into a satanic ritual. But this isn't the first time we've heard that Hillary is satanic. We hear this on- We hear it all the time. Kevin Swanson says it. On dozens and dozens of other shows. They're just not

explicitly telling you what goes into what they consider a satanic ritual. What he's doing is just... He's the graphic. He's explicitly pointing out what goes into a satanic ritual, but... He's the porn version. Yeah, but all these other people are selling

us a satanic Hillaryary in the same sense yes but he is the only one doing an extreme close-up of the genitals yeah right that's it he's got that under the cock shot that you're just right just like why am i staring at a pair of nuts what is happening why do i need to see the vagina that close? Nobody needs to see it except for a gynecologist. Right. That's awfully close. Is there anything we can... Hey, just fucking zoom out.

Just pull back just a little. It's all good. But if I'm not in there, don't put the camera in there. Also, you think those porn guys, camera guys, get hazard pay for being underneath that? You know what I mean? You could get squirted on. I had to say it's poncho seating. I'll tell you that much. Probably wear goggles. I would wear

a biohazard suit. That's what I would wear. That shit could get for reals. You're filing your workman's copy. Yeah, she queefed on me. You come out like the dude from E.T. That or the swamp thing. The private event? Oh no, I'm not talking about that i mean 200 000 plus dead christians with her operation with syria and her operation in libya and not let the christians

get out and directing al-qaeda and isis who target and murder children and put them through sex slavery and throw catholic priests off cliffs and kill people in mass and murder gays and everything else you can imagine because they don't like peaceful people. Is that what he's saying? I think he's alluding to it. I think what he's saying, but he also says has personally done it. Yeah. There's a difference between both things, right?

I think he starts off, and I think he's probably doing this probably because of what you're saying about libel, right? So he's going to start off and say evil, satanic, personal. He's going to say this. And then at the end of that same screed, what he'll do is say, I'm actually referring to her actions as secretary of state that led to the deaths of children in Syria. But I believe, I mean, when you hear what he's saying, I think he's couching the first part so that people think that she's part of an evil, satanic cabal. Mostly, I think that because he says that. I mean, he does come out and say it with semen and blood.

And the Aleister Crowley event. He explicitly talks about Satanism. Right. So I'm not reading between Alex Jones' lines here. What, his fucking lines at Coke? that he's done in between sets? Right, no kidding. That guy looks great. Where did his neck go?

He lost it at one of those Aleister Crowley events. He bench pressed it out. I know, it just got. Just one day, like, he bench pressed so hard his neck disappeared. But he got big, but he got, like, all roundy big. Yeah, no, he got weird. He got, like, juiced up big. Yeah, like where everything got big, but he got all roundy big. Yeah, no, he got weird. He got juiced up big. Yeah, like where everything got big at the same time.

Yeah, it's like HGH big. Yeah, exactly. Michelin man. Ready to stick it in the glory hole? Get links to their Facebook, Twitter, and if you still use it, Google Plus account at their website, dissonancepod.com. If you need to be all discreet about it, contact them by email at dissonance.podcast at gmail.com.

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What the fuck, man? This story is, this is actually letters to the editor from the LA Times. And this is really, this was really quite telling. So these are two letters that were written to the editor about the way that the LA Times handled a story about Japanese internment camps. And he wanted to talk about what's wrong with treating history as if it is open to interpretation, as if it's an entirely subjective experience.

Letters to the editor. Were the stories about Japanese internment during World War II unbalanced? Two letter writers think so. And this is insane to me. You read these two letters and it's like, you know, not every story requires a point-counterpoint. Not every story is a story where it's like, well, every thought on this subject is equally valid. every thought on this subject is equally valid. So this is one of the assertions by this letter writer who objected to the way that the Japanese internment issue was treated as a negative thing. He's basically saying, look, you know, this isn't necessarily a negative thing. The Japanese,

had they been left to their own devices, they, you know, who knows what kind of untold harm they could have caused. So they had a job. And the Japanese, this is a quote from this story. Virtually everyone in the U.S. was assigned jobs to help in the war effort. The Japanese were assigned the job of staying out of the way and not causing complications. And then moving past. The interned Japanese were housed, fed, protected, and cared for. Many who would complain would not even be alive if the internment had not been done.

That's fucking speculation. I salute the Japanese for doing the part that they were assigned during the war, as I salute all those that sacrificed for the war effort. I have zero respect for those trying to rewrite history just to make themselves feel good. Who the fuck is

rewriting history to make the Japanese internment seem like it's not a grand injustice to citizens of this country whose homes and businesses were taken away from them so they could get stuck in fucking internment camps? This idea, and now we're going to rewrite that portion of our history to say, well, I mean, maybe it wasn't so bad. And we start thinking about things along these lines and how many steps away are we from a Muslim registry and how many steps away might we be from a Muslim internment camp or something along those lines? This is a really horrifying and dangerous way of thinking about the way that we treat people

in a country that is a country of immigrants. You literally are staring into virtually the unvarnished energy of Satan himself when you come up against the forces that are pushing the homosexual agenda forward. This story is also from Right Wing Watch. This is Kevin Swanson. This is the guy who threatened to cover himself in poop. Yeah which is my favorite thing this is the i'm so mad i should cover myself in poo like nope never been that mad been real mad by the way been so mad never been like the solution to this is more poo i'll show them yeah so kevin swanson the movie

moonlight uh i don't know what that is, is a sinister, evil, demonic work aimed at prepping boys for pederasty. And we will find out on this clip what Moonlight is. So let's let Kevin Swanson explain. Oh, I'm sure. Exactly. He's getting his synopsis right from Rotten Tomatoes. He will give us...

By the way, he will mention Rotten Tomatoes in this. Will he really? Yes, he will. Oh, well then then fuck me. Well, I'd like to switch gears for a second and take a look at this new movie called Moonlight. It's a coming-of-age movie for an African-American young man who has homosexual urges, and it's a huge step towards the indoctrination towards – Indiragant. He just porky-pigged himself.

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Indoract... Indoract... Indoract... Indoract... Indoract... If you don't know the word, pick a different word. You are an idiot. You don't know how to say the word. You don't know how to say that word. Fucking switch gears. Don't double down on saying it weirder and wronger. Weirder. No, you're just making sounds, man.

A pro-homosexual viewpoint. And I think also a... Promo-sexual. I'm going pro. viewpoint and I think also a promosexual. I'm going pro. I love a pro-homosexual viewpoint. What does that mean? That you're just, hey, you want to have sex with somebody and they're an adult. You just do it. I have a pro-homosexual

viewpoint. Like if there's a homosexual, I'd be like, yeah, good job. I don't know. I literally don't care. Are we getting lunch? What difference does it make to me? I'm there's lots of guys gay guys who like their amateur right yeah exactly you know i'm sure just play the clip it's just no that's just what they search for right yeah sure and if you're searching for amateur gay porn you can visit our sponsor adamandeve.com. Here's Gloria. Check out and get 50% off almost any item.

A training of the young boys in the area of homosexuality, which is not entirely foreign to the homosexual lifestyle. Of course, as you well know in the history of homosexuality, pederasty is really an essential component. Okay, so much here. Hold on.

Can I ask you a question? I want to ask you a question. When were you trained to be heterosexual? What was your training like? Was it like how to train your snake? Well, it was a montage. It's always a montage. Got the eye of the tiger.

No, no, no. What was it? It was Katy Perry roar. Forget it, guys. It's raining men and stuff. It's YMCA. Dancing queen. The homosexual movement has been for thousands and thousands of years.

And that's no surprise to anybody who's studied history for more than 10 minutes. But the movie is called Moonlight. And as you can well imagine, the critics are head over heels in love with this. Again, Bill, it's a universal 98% of critics on Rotten Tomatoes are saying thumbs up, thumbs up. It's very rare to find 98% of critics going for any drama. Now, they'll do it on a documentary from time to time, but on a drama? That's just patently not true. Yeah, there's lots of movies that are in the high 90s.

There's lots of movies that wind up getting. I looked earlier, and there was several from the 2010s on. Yeah. There's one from this year. It's not very, very rare. There's a movie from this year. I think it's called Hell or High Water or Come Hell or High Water or something. There's a movie from this year. It's not very, very rare. There's a movie from this year. I think it's called Hell or High Water or Come Hell or High Water or something. There's a movie from this year, let alone a drama, with a 98% as well.

Sure. So it's just not true. You know what that is? It's just badly not true. It's just a good movie. Yeah. It's just a good movie. He's upset that people like this movie?

I think he's upset that they don't immediately give it a zero because they're gay people. Because there's gays in it? Because he doesn't want people to know they exist. He's absolutely incensed that human beings know that gay people exist. Because to him, it opens up that door to being gay because you exist. This is a guy, though, I think, and he did come out and say, he's like, they should be put to death, but we shouldn't do it. Right, I remember that.

Remember, that was sort of like how, but he, I don't think he would be, he's not pushing for it, but he is saying that that's the punishment for it. Yeah, he's. Like, that's the correct judgment for it. Friends, this is almost unheard of for rotten tomatoes critics there they are in love with this movie called moonlight which is coming out uh this week or this weekend and uh apparently it starts out it's three scenes as a 10 year old boy considering homosexuality speaking of it sort of dallying a bit with it. Then there's the 16-year-old boy.

You know, this is the same boy at 16 years of age now having homosexual relations. And it's a fairly explicit scene in which, you know, this isn't our movie. This isn't our rated movie. This isn't a PG-13 movie. If it has a sexually explicit scene in it, then it has people in that scene or people in that theater that are supposed to, if they're with children, are supposed to be able to, they're their guardians or parents. They're the people there that are trying to explain this to the child. Yeah, but these are the same, I mean, Swanson and his ilk are the same idiots that get, you know, all bent out of shape every time there's a fucking side boob visible. You know, these are the same idiots that,

they go out of their way to find things in movies to be offended by. Like, oh my God, guys, there's a boobie. And then they get all freaked out because they're like, I went to the movie, it was rated R, they had it say it was rated R for sexual scenes, and then there was a sexual scene. And they get all fucking weirded out because they're, these people are, you know, what's scary, man, is that a movie like this hits all their fucking triggers, right?

Sex and sexuality terrifies. Heterosexual sex and sexuality fucking flips their shit. Like, they simply can't deal with it. Like, they get all fucking the weird feeling in their pants are too tight. And then homosexual sex yeah that makes their pants a little more tight right now that's exactly it right yeah but this is every fucking trigger simultaneously the the movie is creating the homosexual sexual tension drawing the audience into this part of the unfruitful works of darkness the unfruitful works of darkness

i'm sorry well that's amazing i mean you know it depends on your view on what's unfruitful. I like to do my unfruitful work with the lights on. I'm just saying. Even as the previews do this, it's a sinister, evil, demonic work that wants to present the whole thing as very sweet, very nice, and anybody opposes these demonic ideas is a persecutor, as evil as the God of the Old Testament, the New Testament. So that's... Yeah, I would say that the God... I'll agree that the God of the Old Testament and the God of the New Testament is... Garbage deity. Right.

Yeah. It's a worthless deity. It's an angry, mean-spirited, bitter war god. It's a genie. Right. It's an angry fucking genie. Your God, as portrayed by your own text, is an actual monster. The songs you sing of praise are horror. Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, it's a petty, jealous, shitty, mean-spirited God. Yeah, great. Okay. And yet if you emulate that God, why should I respect you? Yeah, right? I'm just like God. Oh, you're really bad. You're an awful person.

You're kind of the worst. You're the worst person. And what he's saying here is he's saying that you know this is satanic and it's like we get to judge what's good and what's not good yeah that's how this works that's how cinema works that's how art works is that we get we have an opportunity as human beings to look at what the art that another human being created and we get to judge that based on itself and you what you're trying to do is be like yeah but you also have to look at it through this lens of this 2,000-year-old blood god book. Right.

Sorry. I only do that for Blade. Pretty much the worldview, I think, conveyed in this thing. And it's all in line with prepping boys for pederasty, as the Greeks did. The corruption of boys is the greatest delight in the homosexual pagan heart, and you'll find that throughout history as well. How do you prep a boy for pederasty? I mean, like I said earlier, a lot of lube.

That's it, right? A lot of lube and some NyQuil. I got you. You got uncomfortable. Things we're cutting out of this show. No. Number one. Oh, you use value. so we're back with thomas and i'm gonna say thomas from thomas and the bible because that's

we're gonna be talking about thomas you finished the bible are you converted? I did. Did you convert? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. To what religion? On a scale from one to compelling, how compelling was it? How was Revelation? Because we read Revelation. That's a book I actually know about. Yeah, we did.

How was Revelation? Okay, Revelation is great. So, yeah, I did finish it. And, you know, is there any chance I could get you guys to link my talk video maybe? Because I did a talk about the whole thing and I thought it was really funny. And it's on YouTube. Yeah, we can link it for sure.

Is this a talk you gave at the Mythicist Milwaukee conference? Yeah, yeah. We'll link to it for sure. Nice. Talked about a bunch of highlights. What else do you want to shamelessly plug? Is there anything else? I don't get paid for it or anything. I just it's if people want to check it out um you should monetize it put it behind a paywall i hear good things yeah you could call it the fourth watcher i do i love the

the elaborate series of paywalls is such a good joke uh so yeah the best part Revelation to me, here's my favorite thing about these idiots back then who were writing this. They had this idea that, like, if all this shit was happening, picture us. Okay, us three, right? We're as fucking atheists as you get, right? I mean, we're pretty much, I don't know about you guys, but I mean, you know, the world would have to be completely different for me to believe in God. It's just, God belief for me is just not compatible with the world we live in. Like, it just isn't. But let's say we're all three here, and the fucking stars start falling from the sky.

By the way, my favorite part about Revelation is two stars fall onto the earth, and then more things happen after that. I know, right? That's the first thing we focused on when we read it. We're just like, yeah, the the stars that's just the end of everything the best part is two stars after the first star hits the earth there's not even room for the second star

after one star the planet was like oh I don't know if I could take another star a star hits the earth and the earth's like I got more what else you got bitch and then the other thing that's so great about it that I love about these morons who are writing this is if we saw a fucking stars fall in the sky, horsemen like coming after us, weird creatures doing all this shit like Jesus comes back, all this crap. The three of us would be like, all right, you know what? Fine. I guess Revelation was true.

We'd be like, eventually we'd be like, you're right. I guess if you're going to fucking if you're's i got fucking uh a snake eating my dick i got just all this shit happening to me i'm on fire demons are fucking me in the ass i got just like terrible stds that well actually i already had that but again yeah again if all that was happening we'd be like you know what fine god if you're gonna you're going to be an asshole, sure. We accept Jesus. We accept him. Are you happy? That's what we would do.

But in their mind, in Revelation. I love that you're so begrudgingly doing it. Like, fine, fine. Get the snake off my dick. Yeah, exactly. Well, it's so illogical. But we would do that. Like, if all this happened exactly how it was in the book and all this weird paranormal

shit was happening the three of us we would be like very confused but it would be like well either i'm hallucinating really effectively or right or this is all real but in the book there's still people who don't get it there's still people like nah not happening i deny la la la la this is not happening there's not a snake eating my dick right now. They're still in denial. But it's worse than that because not only are they not converting immediately in the face of evidence, right, which is all that rational people have ever asked for, just, yeah, great story. Do you have literally any evidence?

You have a one evidence unit. Please, I'll take a single compelling evidence unit. No. Okay, fine. But then all this stuff happens. Each one of the things in Revelation is incompatible with any life being sustained at all. Yeah. It's not only would you, you would die immediately.

You just, every one of these things, but it's the same thing as in the beginning of the book, which I thought actually bookended it quite nicely, right? Because when God keeps hardening the Pharaoh's heart and sending plague after plague against Egypt, every one of those plagues would have killed every single person in Egypt. There's no like, oh, and then he hardened his heart again. It's like, who's? He's fucking dead. There's no way he survived the first plague.

All the water is blood, right? Like they're literally, all their water is blood, I'm pretty sure. Like do they just get by on blood? They're like, oh, this isn't so bad. I can drink this. I'm not a Jehovah's Witness. I'll take it. You put it in a warm glass. Then run it through a cold room. Another thing that was so fun about, because I came on after I finished the Old Testament a little while ago, which by the way, the Old Testament is the entire fucking Bible. It's the whole fucking thing is the Old Testament. No one cares about it. It doesn't count.

It doesn't count. I read, for years of my life, I read fucking a book that does not count. You bring up anything in the Old Testament, like, what? What are you quoting? What is that? I've never heard of that.

That's not in the Bible, I know. No one reads it. But so finally, I finish 80% of the Bible or whatever the fucking Old Testament is. Maybe it's 75%. And I get to the only part that counts. And some of my favorite things are how sort of ineffective Jesus is. Isn't that weird? Like, Jesus is the son of God. He is God. He's all that shit. And there's my favorite scene. I talk about

it in the talk. If you want to watch, I'd probably do a better job than here. But my favorite scene, and it's in all four gospels. It's in all four Gospels. I love it. They didn't have to put this in. He goes back to his hometown, and he tries to do miracles, and it's just not working. And people are like, what the fuck is happening? He can't do it.

He's not magical anymore. It's like David Blade drops the cards. He's like to all the people, he's like, you have to understand this never happens to me. Yeah, he tries to pull a rabbit out of the hat and the rabbit's dead or something. I'm tired of drinking. I got whiskey dick, guys.

Silly putty in a coin slot. I'm sorry. I don't know what I can do about it. That would be a better excuse. What he does is he's run out of town and he says this. He says, no one's a prophet in their own town. I love it. It's so good that is amazing that's like he's literally god this is in the fucking bible go figure go find it it's he's like nah sorry just no one's a prophet in their own town like these guys went to high school with me like they're just whatever they know they're not into

it they're like no man not fucking jesus again with your fucking prophet shit it strikes me as so authentic it really does like it's the one thing that i read is all for the gospels where i thought you know what i believe that happened i believe there was a guy who was like you know rumored to be a prophet like you can get away with that shit whenever someone says hey this is eastern medicine everyone believes it's magical you know it's like that and then he comes back to his hometown and everyone's like that guy i wouldn't you know like yeah right he's a loser like he's in the chess club he did you know like you know what i mean it strikes me as so authentic they look they look at him like i knew that

fucker back when like that's the that's that guy who had the fucking hot girlfriend in camp right like no i gave that guy a wedgie and pe every day like literally every day doesn't this fly in the face of the uh those guys who do that um that knockout touch karate though so like those guys that surround themselves with a bunch of people who think that they can like wave their hand like they have the force and knock people out and then they go do it to a real fighter. Then there's a real MMA guy and he's like, punk, punk, punk. And their eye just goes, and fucking explodes. Literally just throws one lazy punch at them.

Just a lazy, like, I guess I'll punch you, dude. Like, I don't want to do this, but I will. The guy keeps waving his hand like he's a fucking Jedi. It's the best. Do you remember that guy who was on stage and he was like, I have the magic voodoo to kill people? Oh, yeah. He was going after that whatever that guy's name is.

The guy I can't pronounce his name. Yeah. And he's like, yeah, all right. Well, let's go on stage. You can kill me on stage with your fucking magic mind. And the guy's like. And you're like, no, none of that's working. Right. yeah.

The best part is, like, the only reason you would accept the challenge is you think you could do it, right? Yeah. Because you're not like, oh, fuck, he called my bluff. Like, I'm calling six years. And that's happened. And that's happened. People, these people think they can do it. Like, they get so deluded by it.

Who's to say that didn't happen with Jesus or some shit? I don't know. Like, they get so deluded with their own weird yes men that didn't happen with Jesus or some shit? I don't know. They get so deluded with their own weird yes men that keep falling over when he makes weird sounds. And he falls over. Yeah, like if you had 12 dudes following you around everywhere sucking your dick all the time.

Maybe all of a sudden... There had to be that moment where if any part of the Jesus story was real where you had to look around and be like, as they're nailing him to a chunk of wood, like, oh, I've made a terrible decision. Have you guys ever seen The Passion of the Jesus story was real where you had to look around and be like, as they're nailing him to a chunk of wood, like, oh, I've made a terrible decision. Have you guys ever seen The Passion of the Christ? No. I haven't, no. Okay.

Is there a guy when he's getting nailed up that goes, do your death punch! Or whatever. If you watch that movie and you're a non-believer, it's a guy who gets tortured and killed. That's all it is. There's nothing else. And there's very little mysticism in the movie.

There's very little of the, you know, sort of he did miracles that I remember. All I remember of the movie is the beatings and then him being dragged to the streets and his mom crying and him being like thrown up on a cross and fucking dying up there. And that's what I remember the movie. And I don't remember like, and then he walked on water and then he fed a bunch of people. I don't remember any of that from the movie. All I remember is cause it's really the passion. They're talking about the time in which he was beat. So what, what you really watch, if you're a non-believer is just the torture and death of a person in a drama format. And so, you know, you're sort of, you're struck at sort of the realism of it. You're like,

And so, you know, you're sort of, you're struck at sort of the realism of it. You're like, oh, I thought this so often when I read the Bible, I thought, wow, I would love to make the real version of this where somebody just really believes something and then they died or whatever the circumstances for the particular story. Like, oh, this happened. Or like, better yet, the ones where they trick people into giving them shit. I love that. Like, I want to do the real version of that where the priests like all know that it's bullshit but they're tricking the people into like giving them their food and stuff i want to do all that just the real version of everything

it would be so fun i you know and you're right right because the way they set up their laws so that the priests have you know better they have they get the better cuts of meat and they're the ones who get the food the one you read it and you, well, of course that's why you set it up. You set it up so that you're the one who's going to get all the best stuff. Right. It's like when the prophets for other religions are like, and it turns out I get to sleep with all the women. And you're like, so you just made that up because you're horny.

Like, that's it. Like, it's not, you really, no. It's like the Mormons where you're just like yeah I get to inseminate your wife and I get to inseminate your wife like who's buying this shit at least Jesus didn't do that like give Jesus some credit like he actually just lived kind of a shitty painful

life and then died like so if the guy really existed and maybe he really thought these things like you do have to kind of pity him in some ways you know it's interesting because he was a fucking prophet that didn't even profit. He did a bad job. The fuck, man?

Prophet 101. Step one, prophet. That's the first thing you do. First thing you do. Step one, you're the prophet. If I'm going to invent a religion where people are going to do awesome shit, I'll tell you what, I'm inventing that Mormonism shit. I'm going to bang a whole bunch of hot chicks. My council that's talking to God is going to do awesome shit. I'll tell you what, I'm inventing that Mormonism shit. Like, I'm going to bang a whole bunch of hot chicks.

My council that's talking to God is going to report back that God needs me to have like 12 women on my dick at all times. Right, exactly. I cannot ever have a dry dick. Like, it's just constant. Hey, quote the Lord, you know.

I don't make the rules. Do you think I make these fucking rules? No, I'm as unhappy about it as you guys are now back on and why would you like like why are those why do those guys do the cults where they're like yeah well okay and we're all gonna wear nikes and kill ourselves when a comet goes over right wait there could be better stuff than this let's figure this out better right you're making it up like it's not even like if you're gonna make up something pointless like at least build legos like not kill yourself it's like it's terrible yeah i mean the nike's fine that was like kind of neutral

like i guess that's good but to kill yourself i'm a rebot guy but okay yeah so uh so you moved on from the bible though into a new book yeah i'm sort of on a weird hiatus to be honest with you so i mean i for patrons i did one one reading of the Apocrypha. I picked a book that's recognized by like Catholics, but not by other, you know, like certain denominations. The Exorcist? Great book. It's called Tobit, actually. Do you know that one? No. Is that a hobbit? Is that one of the little guys that goes to... Yeah, I'm actually just reading the Silmarillion.

I don't know what that is. But no, the book is called Tobit. And the funny thing about it is... Now, I'm kind of on a weird hiatus. I don't know if I'm going to keep going, because I don't know. We'll see. But the funny thing about it is, is this was the best thing I've ever read compared to the rest of the Bible, and it didn't make the Bible. Like, it's a first-person story where a guy is talking about, like... He's just leveling with us. Like, it's a first-person story where a guy is talking about, like, he's just leveling with us. Like, it's amazing. Some guy named Tobit or whatever is just like, hey, so here's what happened to me. He's speaking in first person, which almost never happens in the Bible,

and he's just telling his story of like, yeah, these were the challenges that God said. He talks about what, you know, he lost everything, and then he... And I was like, wow, this is... If the whole Bible were this, like, it really wouldn't be that bad. It would be interesting. It's the best reading I've done thus far. And it is not even in the real fucking book. I wonder why it got excised. Do you know why it got excised from the...

Oh, dude, who the fuck knows? I did some research and it was included in some of it, like I said, but then others were like, oh, it... I think I know the answer. The editors were real upset with the way it used passive voice and so they just they just put it on the side and they're like we're probably not going to use it but how funny is it that the difference like this is supposedly god's perfect fucking book you know like this is supposedly the most important thing in the world and all it was was some people in some fucking councils years ago

centuries ago decided like well this one i don't know we don't like it or something it's less perfect yeah it's this one of the perfect books this one is a little less and they disagreed like what some some denominations like no no that is perfect and others are like nah that's human like the the chasm of difference that it should be you know like between god writing something and like, no, this isn't right. A human wrote this. It should be the biggest fucking difference in the world. Exactly.

It's not even different. Like if you include this in the Bible, it would it would make no tangible difference in the world. Nothing would be any different. It should be the difference of like, you know, 135 pound weakling guy trying to deadlift something and the world's strongest man deadlifting. Right, exactly. Like he lifts up half the earth and you're like, oh yeah, that guy. So you're saying Eli versus Tom.

Is that what you're saying? What's that? It's not that. So you're saying Eli versus Tom. It's not that big a disparity. He's so strong. Yeah, and it's so funny just because of whatever capricious decision they made,

you know, 1200 years ago, this is regarded as dog shit versus the word of God. And it would make no difference. Like you read it and you're like, yeah, that could be in the fucking Bible. Who cares? Sounds just like all the other bullshit that's in the Old Testament. So you loved it. You're glad you read it.

I do. Oh, the whole Bible. Yeah, the whole Bible. You loved it. You're glad you read it. It was enthralling. You found the whole. Did you find it? No, the whole Bible. You loved it. You're glad you read it. It was enthralling. You found the whole... Did you find it?

Now, I do want to know what genuinely... Like, I know, obviously, you came out of this and you're still very much an atheist. Was there anything in it? And I'm being genuine.

Is there anything in it that you found at all spiritually compelling? Did you find any of it that really spoke to you at all? Even philosophically compelling. Yeah. You know, when I read it,

it strikes me that yes jesus did say some pretty interesting things you know like they're not they're not like einstein level of genius or anything they're just like hey just don't be assholes like it's pretty much just that everybody just cut it out with the fucking being assholes basically but when you put that against everything else you're reading, it's like, well, that was kind of cool that he had a really weird message that, like we were just saying a minute ago, it didn't really benefit him, you know? And it's kind of cool. It's like, well, you know, he had some okay messages here. Then again, you know, whoever the fuck wrote the

Gospels, you know, it wasn't Jesus, and it wasn't people who knew Jesus. It was like maybe, maybe one or two of them were, but pretty much just hand me down stuff. So who knows like what we're actually getting that Jesus actually said. But assuming he did, it's pretty cool how different and progressive some of his messages were. But no, I mean, largely it's awful. Like it's just awful writing. It's just boring. There's so much of it, of the Bible, that you can't even... But hold on, we're told all the time, we're told all the time that the Bible is beautifully written. Like, I hear that all the time.

And I know I don't read it beautifully written either, but I want to ask you, because you read much more of it than I have. I hear all the time that the Bible is beautifully written, it's beautifully written. And I've, you know, I'd gone to church, you know, when I was younger, and I've been to, you know, masses and funerals, and they do readings and all of that. And I've never really been struck very often by the beauty of the writing. I'm curious if you have any thoughts on just the writing itself. Well, I specifically went with King James because even people like Dawkins and Hitchens, I think, were like, well, you need to read it in the King James just because of the poetry. And I was like, okay, I'll do that. I wanted to give it

its best shot. But while there are some poetic turns of phrase occasionally, it's so confusing and boring. It's just like everything we think of with Bible stories, right? This is a point I made as well. Think of Noah or like, I don't uh, any rant, Moses, like all that stuff, Noah specifically, Adam and Eve, that shit. And I think I told you this the last time I was on this show, that shit is one page. Yeah. All of that crap, all of that stuff. You figure that covers tens of thousands of years or whatever, 6,000 years or whatever it would be. It's like, oh, the beginning of the earth and Adam and Eve and that saga. And oh, Noah and his ark he built. I mean, that's got to take up a bunch of pages, right? It's got to be 200 pages of story there. No, it's just a paragraph that says, Noah built a boat, it rained, and it stopped

raining. That's all it is. Anything interesting is stuff we've added in over time like we've kind of made an image of it that's that's not what it really is it's it's shocking just how bare bones and crappy it is and some of it is so actively bad that you can't remember anything good that came out of it like it just erases all of it it reminds me of some podcasts I've listened to. Reminds me of my marriage. So, Thomas, if people were going to find one or many of your podcasts, where would they look? Yeah, do you have one website that rules them all? I will eventually. It's called the Tobit, Tom. It's called google.com.

No, I will eventually have one website to point people to. But I would say search for Atheistically Speaking. Search for Opening Arguments specifically. I'm really proud of what me and Andrew are doing, mainly Andrew, let's face it. I'm really proud of what Andrew's doing over on Opening Arguments. I think it's, personally, I think it's opinions that just need to be out there. Like his expertise just needs to be in the world. And like with certain things like Hillary's email scandal, it covered in a way that just

nobody was doing. Yeah. I think it's legitimately good media that we're scandal, it covered in a way that just nobody was doing. I think it's legitimately good media that we're doing. And it's a weird position to be a part of that, like to actually be able to be proud of something. It's a weird feeling. I'm not used to it. But tell me how that feels. I've never been proud of anything.

I know. I hear you. You'll never know, Tom. I want to live vicariously. No, you can't. God damn it. Thomas, thanks for joining us. It was a lot of fun as usual, man. Oh, thank you guys so much, and thank you for coming on

my 300th episode special there, and I love you guys. I always love coming on your show. Thanks. So we want to thank, of course we want to thank all our patrons, but we would like to thank our most recent patrons, Beetlejuice, Donovan, Michael, Slam Nasty, Paul, Andrew, David, Freak, Benice, Borderline Rhetorical, Andy, Hausdorf, Robert, Blood Cream Latte, and Adrian.

Thanks so much for your generous donations. We really do appreciate it. Thank you. This is, we are going into the new year here, and we are going to be having some videos soon. We're using Patreon dollars to fund new stuff for not just for patrons, but for the show in general. And so we want to thank everybody who donates to the show. You make the show better. So thank you so much. Cecil, I have to say, though, I feel like telling people they can see us might cause them to withdraw their donation.

It's not mandatory. It also not necessarily is making the show better. It's making the show more widescreen. But we are going to be hopefully having more video in the near future. We had a lot of fun with the election night coverage that we did. And we have a plan to possibly do something right after the inauguration like vomit um and so that should be good and then we're going to be doing that pretty much i don't know we'll see we're going to try to do some other stuff as time goes on we'll let you know when we finally get our streaming stuff set up it's hopefully going

to be done before the end of the year though so we want to read a little bit of email here. We got an email from, this is from Steve. And Steve sent this in and he said, just so you know, the two Aussies who were at TAM were Lindley and Simone. And we forgot about them. I didn't forget because they sent my son a bunch of these little koala bear things. I forgot their names, I should say. I've forgotten their names. I didn't forget them. What I mean to say is I forgot their names as well. Wonderful people. Wonderful people.

Loved them. We got a message from Jessica and Jessica said, if you can't afford to support good journalism, we talked about supporting good journalism by subscribing to a newspaper, different journalists, maybe subscribe to a website that has the Atlantic. She says another great way to fund good journalism is to go to your public library and ask for those things. So if you were to go

in and say, I'd like a copy of the Atlantic, or I'd like to read the New York Times, I'd like to read these things, the library will subscribe to the subscription for it. So you have access to that. But if they will not get the subscription, it. So you have access to that. But they will not get the subscription. And she says they will get high circulation materials like Duck Dynasty DVDs. Can you imagine? What the fuck? It's like just a ridiculous dichotomy between those two things. It's like the spectrum is just –

How vast could the Gulf be between a Duck Dynasty DVD and the Atlantic, right? Like when you think about the quality of information that's being presented, like on a scale perspective, it's like a proton versus the entirety of the universe. It's just like on a set of scales i can't even imagine it's like absolute zero versus a supernova you know like the temperature range yeah it's just

ridiculous duck dynasty dvds jesus that's a low bar we'll get a message from bjorn and bjorn was saying hey uh i was worried I was in a liberal echo chamber and then I wound up searching for other things like Milo and Jordan Peterson and some other people. How do I get out of my new alt-right involuntary echo chamber? And one of the things that I think is interesting about this is, you know, we talk about the echo chamber that you're in, you know, if it's a liberal echo chamber or whatever, and trying to get out of that. I don't think going to Milo is getting out of that

echo chamber. My personal opinion would be to go to try to find people that are moderates and work on trying to find those moderate voices out there. Get out of your echo chamber in that sense. Don't go try to find somebody who is completely, you know, the antithesis of what you think. My thoughts on this is if you want out of an echo chamber, find their intellectuals, not the pseudo intellectuals, not your Twitter heroes, not the rest of it. Find real intellectuals. Intellectuals are less prone, I think, to the echo chamber effect. You know, they may be skewed. They may be right.

They may be left. But they tend, if you find real actual intellectuals, if that's really what you're looking for, I think you'll get out of that world. And Milo's not intellectual, man. No. He's not intellectual. He's a comedian.

I mean, if you listen to him, he's a comedian. Yeah. So get rid of all of them. Put them all off to the side. They're garbage people with nothing to say. Yeah. And find real intellectuals. Wolf Wing sent a message in, and he was basically talking about how sensationalist the news is and why we shouldn't be surprised that people are sort of turning away from it.

I understand. I understand and I respect that viewpoint, but I also think that viewpoint is part of the problem that we're in right now. So we're moving away from sensationalized legacy journalism, right, which would be things like the TV news and what have you. And are there problems with that? Man, there's so many problems with that. I'm right there with you. I get all that. But we didn't turn to something better is part of my concern.

We turned to something just as sensational. Yeah. There's nothing less sensational about what we're looking at now. Sharing a Twitter story or something like that. Especially the ones that are these unsubstantiated, make-you-feel things. These are feel pieces just the same way. That story that I know I'm beating it in the ground, but that story about that guy who's like, yo, Facebook post, I don't like TV news or a newspaper, is that you are not curating it. I am really, I'm really dubious of the average person, myself

very much included, about my ability to curate quality news. I am not a trained editor. That is not where my training is. I have a fucking degree in english literature yeah like i am i am a read good guy like that is what i do right so yeah so i'm i'm dubious of saying like i'm gonna just i'm i'm gonna go out and i'm gonna curate my own news sources i just i yeah it's just not i just think it's shit i just think it's shit we got a bunch of messages about uh eggnog instructions we're gonna going to post this on this episode's show notes, so check it out. We also got a ton of messages from people about Diane Rehm's voice. She has a neurological disease that affects her vocal cords. Yeah, it's called advanced aging.

Look, a lot of people sent us this message. We're not trying to make fun of her disability. I'm just making fun of her age. And people weren't mad about that at all. That's the best part. Nobody's like, hey, man, don't make fun of people because they're older. Like, hey, man, don't make fun of her because she's, you know. No matter what, we're being assholes here.

It doesn't matter. I mean, right? Let's say, let me me just say we are not being nice that's part of the shit but she did sound like she was offering her granddaughter pie during oh my god you know what i mean like during that during that interview she's like have some pie her job is to have a voice she's also and her voice yeah has aged maybe it's prematurely i don't know because she's she's 80 years old which means when she got started in radio her first conversation was with marconi

christ sakes she was she's not a young lady this just in the pharaoh's heart has been hardened like really we got a great uh these are great set of images um This is from Kernan, and we're going to post. He sent these along, so I'm going to post them. If he gets mad at me and tells me to take them down, then I'll take them down. But Kernan sent in a bunch of these. I'm going to post a couple of these. They're little despots. They're really great.

And they're adorable. They're really great. So this is an interesting email. This is from Shane, and Shane had a couple of comments, but one of them, he's talking about the millions of illegal voters. He said a comedian had a bit, and he can't remember exactly who, when his mother was trying to shame him into eating his vegetables, said there's starving children in Russia. His response was, oh, yeah?

Name three. I love it. And his response is, cool. Name three illegal voters. Show me some evidence. Yeah, it's so true. And that response is, cool. Name three illegal voters. Show me some evidence. Yeah, it's so true. And that's exactly it, right? The illegal voters we can point to voted for Trump, and they weren't illegal.

Right. Well, they weren't illegal aliens. They were just voting illegally. Right. Big difference. We got a message from Chris, and we ran into Chris at QED, and then we also ran into him after QED at the meetups. He came to the meetups, one of the meetups anyway, in Edinburgh. And he sent this message to us.

It's a message that he received with a video embedded, and it's Bible scholars unearth the lost teachings of Jesus. And this thing is basically saying, this is how you cure all your diseases. Yeah. I love that they sent it to chris because chris is blind yeah and i chris let us know if it cured the blindness literally any of it yeah i just want to know because that dog is sweet and i'll take the dog i'm just saying you won't need him anymore i'm just that dog is sweet yeah shout out to jackson y'all. So we got a message from Christina. Christina sent some really great links, too, by the way.

I just want to say, like. Christina emails us a lot. Yeah, she emails us a lot, and she sent some really great stuff. And this one was a message to talk about an NPR podcast called NPR Politics Podcast. She was listening to it, and one of the things that she says is she says, it's so difficult because how in the world do we deal with smart people sounding interminably boring? And I think it's like you're arguing with a Vulcan.

Yeah. It is. I think it's a real challenge, and it's one we have to face up to. We, you know, on the side of evidence and rationality, we have to find a middle ground where, like you said, where there's some fire in what you say. You know, I don't think that there has to be a disconnect between being intellectually rigorous and being mad as hell. I think you can be both. Well, and I think like, you know,

clearly I don't want just a rhetorician, but I would like to have somebody who has the ability to use rhetoric as a tool when they're arguing. Can we get Hitchback? I don't think so. Is that a thing? Try CPR, Tom.

See if that works. Five years after the fact? He can come up with his lips on your face. Love you, bro. Not giving you a fucking kissy. No, that's not happening. We got a message. This is from Amrut.

And this is, I'm going to post this video. Oh, my God. Just watch Ted Cruz talk. He's the most uninteresting person I've ever seen. He talks about queso dip, and he's trying to make a joke. He's desperately trying to make a joke about it. He's the most uninteresting person I've ever seen. He talks about queso dip, and he's trying to make a joke. He's desperately trying to make a joke about it. He's terrible. It's seriously the worst thing I've ever seen.

And he's looking around. The best part is he's looking around like, hey, guys, does everybody notice that I'm making a joke? And his fucking neck fat is actually hanging over his shirt collar. And his soft, shitty face is looking around like okay so am i right yeah and people are just staring at him like is that subhuman attempting to use a humor device funny because he has enough yes people around him that are chuckling and i'm thinking none of this is funny this isn't funny no no it's not it's not even and it's not even like it can't even been mistaken as funny and executed wrongly. It's funny in the way that like a not particularly precocious six-year-old reads you a joke book.

Yeah. Right? Yeah. You know he's trying. Sure. But he's stupid and his joke is boring. It's like sitting next to like a five-year-old who just keeps making fart sounds and laugh yeah right like

and you're like okay that's great great all right you're hilarious have another benadryl we got a message from kyle and kyle sent an image and um i just i think i'm just gonna have to post this image um let's just say it has both bullets and a cross i don't this i can't so we want to leave the show today next week we're going to have a gentleman by the name of scott reader on scott is uh launching a new podcast on npr and he was a journalist in uh in the middle of our state and covered a very interesting case that they're going to be doing on NPR in early January. We had a chance to talk to Scott for over an hour, and we're going to post some of that conversation either Thursday or next week. It was a very fascinating conversation, fascinating guy, a little different than what we normally do, because we really do.

fascinating guy a little different than what we normally do um because we really do we're just talking to him about sort of his involvement in this case and then his involvement in the current podcast that he's producing with npr's help so we're gonna have him on talk about it it was just fascinating it was very interesting interesting guy i think his show is going to be quite interesting again it's a departure yeah from what we would normally do it's kind of a longer form interview that we had done with him. Great guy, though. Really interesting stuff. So looking forward to posting that. Yeah.

So we're going to post that soon. I'm looking forward to you posting that. I don't know how that works. Thanks, buddy. This show will be coming out before Christmas. So Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Drink your eggnog.

See, so Merry Christmas. Drink your eggnog, Tom. No. Yes. Oh, no. Do it. Do shots with your kid. Oh, God. Christmas. Drink your eggnog, Tom. No. Yes. Do it. No. Do it. Do shots with your kid. Does your kid like eggnog?

I'll never find out. So we want to leave you. I would be less appalled if he was like, Dad, I'm gargling semen. He'd be like, Dad, I am a Republican. Stop. Stop. That's my boy you're talking about. You can say a lot of things.

If he was like, Dad, I'm gargling hobo semen, I'd be like, okay. He's having this moment, this breakdown moment at the young Republican circle at college. I love that boy. He's like, I'm a Republican. No, no, no. Stop it. Stop it. Dude, come on.

I mean, that's a bridge too far. I mean, can we make jokes about Chris's blindness again? So so we're going to leave you. Tyler sent in a very dramatic oh so dramatic overly dramatic ridiculously dramatic kind of embarrassingly dramatic more embarrassing than the skeptic normally is yeah okay yeah that's real bad i know that's the worst thing actually i really do have to comment though tyler did a great job on this. I think it's really funny.

It's really well done. Yeah. So it's better than this poem deserves. God damn it, I'm right here. We're going to leave you. I'm right here. I'm your friend. Differently than we normally do.

We're going to leave you with the dramatic skeptic's creed. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night. Credulity is not a virtue. Dramatic Skeptic's Creed, Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night. healing water down spiral brain deadpan sales pitch late night info docutainment leo pisces cancer cures detox reflex foot massage death and towers tarot cards psychic healing crystal balls bigfoot yeti aliens churches mosques and synagogues temples dragons giant worms atlantis dolphins truthers birthers witches, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts. Shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, double-speak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides.

Thrust your hands. Bloody. Evidential. Conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and information provided on this podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. All opinions are solely that of Glory Hole Studios, LLC. Cognitive dissonance makes no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information and will not be liable for any errors, damages, or butthurt arising from consumption. All information is provided on an as-is basis. No refunds. Produced in association

with the local dairy council and viewers like you. cutting cutting everything short is the story of my life well hold on being born short and having to having to stretch out and well not even stretch stretch out, just apologize for the shortness is the story of my life. The problem with your weight hanging technique is that your dick becomes so skinny that it's like there's not even, it's just a really long straw. It's like a crazy straw. Look at that. You're like, I steal your milkshake. Oh, no. Look at that.

You're like, I steal your milkshake. That's amazing. I was recording that, so if you put that in the end or something. No, I'm just kidding. What, the straw? I always put the straw in the end. That's the advantage of having a straw. Yeah, true.

If it's too big, nobody lets you put it in the end. You always got to felch when you put it in the end. God damn it. With a straw. Damn it. My milkshake brings all the boys back. Your milkshake is hairy. It's like eggnog. Come on.

It's the same thing. It's pretty much that eggnog. Milkshake is hairy. Did you see that Andrew had posted eggnog he fucking made three years ago did you see did you see that andrew uh had posted like eggnog he fucking made three years ago on facebook did you see that yeah what the fuck is happening there oh dude that's so coincidental because like a few months ago i had a friend who like he had a gathering at his house and he's like okay we can finally drink the eggnog from a year ago and i was like what no and tried it, and it was fine.

I mean, it just tasted like eggnog. Well, did it age properly? Like, did it... Here's what I want to understand. I don't know. It's got fucking eggs in it, man. And milk. I don't think that shit...

Yeah, I don't think that shit improves with age. I don't understand it. But is there an ingredient that, like, neutralizes that somehow? Well, alcohol kills bacteria and kills... Oh, that's probably what it is. Okay, so fine. Would that stop the milk from curdling, though? That's a good point.

Doesn't the milk curdle because it goes bad, and it goes bad because of bacteria? Because of bacteria, maybe? I guess. I don't know. Look, one way or the other, I had it. I had a glass of it, and it was fine. But it did get better, though.

That's the thing. You guys are the ones who are trying to get me to eat fucking duck asshole and smells like warm dog French food. You are not comparing, sir. I'll get on an airplane right now. You are not comparing the foie gras

we had that was fucking magnificent in New York to eggnog that somebody's had fucking sitting in their pantry for a year. You are an asshole. Are you seriously? You're gonna go there? What the fuck

is wrong with you? This is a man with a palate that has one color. No shit. It tasted like a sweet. That's good. You know what the eggnog didn't taste and smell exactly like? Dog. No, it was worse. It tasted like, oh, it tasted like a sweet. That's good. Hey, you know what the eggnog didn't taste and smell exactly like? Dog. No, it was worse.

It tasted like eggnog. Yeah, it tasted like fucking elf seed. It's an own horrifying descriptor. It's like you pull a fucking river corpse out of the water, and you fucking get a shaggy dog to roll in it. And it's like, what does that smell like? Well, it's not eggnog. It's just a little better

than eggnog. I'd rather fucking smell a tire fire burning human hair. Disgusting.