Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 335: Mad Gainz Bro!

Episode Date: January 2, 2017

Happy New Year! Tom and Cecil have a flashback to their old podcasting days while reading off the Tupac rap lyrics that the Sri Lankan church printed by accident. Tom predicts the end of the world while discussing news that the Pakistani Minister directed a nuclear threat to Israel based off of fake news and the guys review the many Donald Trump conspiracy theories. Stories covered in episode:  See us live with the GAM crew on January 13, 2017. Tickets are selling out fast:      

Today's show is brought to you by AdamandEve.com. Go to AdamandEve.com and type in GLORY at checkout, and you can get 50% off just about any item, you get some free gifts, and you'll get free shipping. Check out our sponsor, AdamandEve.com. Hey, Tom, Cecil. Listen, I don't know why you guys think Ted Cruz is joking about the queso. I mean, I'm pretty sure the man is entirely composed of it. It would explain a amorphous nature there Well, glory hole, motherfuckers.

Tom Cecil, I'm a huge fan. I feel like you need to know that I was listening to an episode and Tom said that he said, fuck that one-armed shit. And he was talking about hugs. Fuck that one-armed shit. We're not touching bellies. It ain't a hug. And I've always believed that. But ever since listening to that, I've kind of taken it to heart. And because of that, I've injected the phrase belly-to-belly in the local bar scene. So when I'm going to hug strangers, they try to bro-hug me.

You know, one arm in, one arm over the shoulder. And I'm like, nah, man, belly-to-belly. go for it, and, uh, and it's new phrase right here, so, yeah, so that's, that's the effect y'all have, so, you know, keep up the good work. Hey, what's up, Tom and Cecil, I wanted to tell you guys, happy new year, and thank you for all the work you do, And, uh, the fucking shit show that was 2016, hopefully 2017 will turn out a little bit better. Glory hole, motherfuckers. Be advised that this show is not for children,

the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording live from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome mat. This is episode 336 of Cognitive Dissonance.

And Cecil, we are one step closer. We are one step closer. We are at the penultimate moment before going full video my friend yeah very soon like we have we have in glory hole studios our own porn studio right now yeah we could live so we could do fucking we could be the fucking hairiest webcam girls the problem the problem of course is that the that the sound's still bad and i don't want to run live yet right as soon as the sound gets fixed then we're going to be gold. But it'll still sound like us.

Yeah, but... We should just go now. It'll at least sound better than if it's recorded through that thing. Yeah, right. Yeah. But it's very exciting. Yeah. It's going to be a new offering.

We're going to start moving out to some of our patrons at first, see how it works. We're going to do, hopefully, some live coverage of the inauguration. After the inauguration. We'll go live probably right afterwards. That's horrible. I can't. I don't want to bring myself to think about that upcoming date. I just hope that the nuclear blast incinerates me full body.

That's what I'm kind of hoping for. I'm really looking for – I don't want to just be like fucking covered in those shitty sores and everything and like wandering around fucking yeah i don't i can't fit another sore on my body that's the thing like it takes so long to heal already i know jesus so this first story comes from CNN.com. And this is just awesome. Sri Lankan church service prints Tupac lyrics by accident. So this is pretty great.

They were expecting to print the words to Hail Mary, not knowing that you can Google Hail Mary and get the words to the Tupac song, Hail Mary. Hail Mary. And so in their church service, in their fucking church service, they printed Hail Mary by Tupac. Well, you know, hold on, though. Hold on. Because, I mean, I think there are some things that Tupac has in common with Jesus, right? Well, they're both dead.

They're both liked headbands. Okay, there you go. Great abs, right? Chest wounds is another thing. So they have a lot in common. Died before their time, you know. Murdered before their time. A lot of controversy.

A lot of controversy. So I think it might be instructive, Cecil, to throw this back a little bit. Long time ago. Long time ago. Kicking it back to everyone's critic days, we had a little segment where I would read the occasional lyric. Yeah.

And I think maybe it's time to... This is like a throwback Thursday. Yeah, why don't you read the lyrics to Hail Mary by Tupac Shakur. Machiavelli in this. Illuminati all through your body. The blows like a 12-gauge shotty. Feel me. And God said he should send his one begotten son to lead the wild into the ways of the man.

Follow me. Eat my flesh. Flesh and my flesh. Hey now. Come with me. Hail Mary. Run quick. See what we have here now. Do you want to ride or die? I ain't a killer, but don't push me. Revenge

is like the sweetest joy. Next to getting pussy. Picture paragraphs unloaded. Wise words being quoted. Peep the weakness in the rap game and sewed it. Bow down, pray to God, hoping that he's listening. Seein' niggas comin' for me to my diamonds when they glistening. Now, pay attention.

Rest in peace, Father, I'm a ghost in these killin' fields. Hail Mary, catch me if I go. Let's go deep inside the solitary mind of a madman who screams in the dark. Evil lurks. Enemies see me flee. Activate my hate. Let it break to the flame. Set trip.

Empty out my clip. Never stop to aim. Some say the game is all corrupted. Fucked in this shit. Stuck. Niggas is lucky if we bust out this shit. Plus, mama told me never step until I bust a nut. Is that what mama said?

Why is mama telling you about you busting a nut? That's so weird. It's like, hold on, son. Could you sit down here real quick? I just want you to know, never step until you bust a nut. Mama, should I stop? Did you bust a nut? All right.

Should I stop yet or no? No, I'd stop, but. Mama, you know, I don't want to. You know, my mom always coached me. I feel like. She's like cheering you on, like you're on T-ball. She's like, go get it,'re on t-ball I feel like that's kind of the universal time to stop like you don't need to be taught that part like it's a time to stop What did you bust the nuts? No

What are you talking about? What are you fucking what are you talking about? That's how you know It's almost instinctual does it still feel good yes what way to fuck it feels too good you bust it or not you're done like what are you like fuck too much too much fuck the world if they can't adjust it's just as well okay hail mary come with me hail mary run quick see what do we have here now. Do you want to ride or die? Come with me, Hail Mary. Run quick, see again

the same thing. It's doing this thing. It's called a chorus. Penitentiaries is packed with promise. Really? They got an APB. There's another verse. Oh, it keeps going. I'm not reading any more of this

this is a fucking super long song this thing keeps going for like two hours i think he fucking died of boredom fucking writing this thing jesus christ i'm not reading any more like a five minute song jesus oh they are they printed how much of it did they print because either they printed the whole fucking thing no they just printed they just like, because if you see the image, the amount that they printed is very little. So doesn't that beg the question, like, somebody had to edit this for length. So it's not an accident anymore. It's a prank. I think it is a prank.

Right? You would know. I mean, I don't care. I mean, I know it's in Sri Lanka, but I don't care. Like, if they're going to print. I don't care. I mean, I know it's in Sri Lanka, but I don't care. Like, if they're going to print. I don't care either. As soon as you're like, yeah, I don't think you want to read the word nigga. Like, I don't think that's in.

I don't think you want to put the word pussy in there either. That's not in there. Like, you know, there's a few words in there that you're like, I don't normally see that in the psalm. That's not usually how we do this one. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. How we do this one. Christ, this is how we die, Cecil.

This is how we all go out. This is from the New York Times. Reading fake news, Pakistani minister directs nuclear threat at Israel. A fake news article. A fake news article. The defense minister wrote a saber-rattling Twitter post because that's evidently how you respond now as a world leader. Isn't that crazy? Right?

Oh, I read something crazy on Facebook. Then I went on Twitter. And this is why we all go out. Here's what I don't. Instant access. What makes me crazy, and I got into an argument recently. Trump had posted something about his, about making more nukes. It was a nuclear proliferation tweet, right? Yeah, right.

And I posted something about it on Facebook Facebook and some Trump guy jumped on there and he was like, well, what is it in response to? And it was in response to Putin or whatever. And there was back and forth about what it was in response to. And I was wrong about what it was in response to. But again, I don't think that that's the big deal, right? What is, what it's in response to is irrelevant. The idea that, that, that we're pointing to, oh, well, he said it because Putin said something. We are devolving our negotiation process to 140 characters, and that's not okay. That's just not okay. And the reason why it's not okay is because the dialogue between nations is nuanced and complicated and requires a lot of work.

And it requires somebody who's eloquent. And it requires, sometimes it requires being behind a closed door. And none of those things can happen on Twitter. None of those things can occur there. things can happen on Twitter. None of those things can occur there. So we just have what you have is a just a blink, like just sort of a blah, just sort of like somebody's just shitting something out. And it's and it's 140 characters long and it has no nuance and it has to cut to the point right away. And I think that's dangerous. I think it's genuinely dangerous to communicate these things. And the thing that makes me mad about the Trump thing is that he tweets this out, right?

He tweets out this nuclear proliferation tweet. And the next day, his handlers have to clean it up by clarifying what he said. Instead of using a more nuanced medium. Such as any medium. Right. Any other medium is more nuanced than Twitter. A text message is more nuanced. Much. A text message, at least, just goes to the recipient. And there's just, there's no limit. Right. Any other medium is more nuanced than Twitter. A text message is more nuanced. A text message, at least, just goes to the recipient.

And there's no limit. Or if there is a limit, it's several hundred characters. This is, the idea that this is how world leaders are having, quote, conversations with each other. Right. I'm right there with you. It's terrifying

and it's wrong-headed. You know, we should go back to the Commissioner Gordon head, right? There should be a phone and a fucking bust of Commissioner Gordon, and when there's an emergency, you get on the fucking phone, you call the person. How many times in your life, I mean in my life, I can tell you it's fucking dozens and dozens of times, there's a misunderstanding between people that really care about each other

and you pick up the phone you have a real conversation all of a sudden that misunderstanding gets cleared up right right because i thought but you thought but i oh ha and then you know everything works out everything just fucking works out nothing is going to happen like that if the method of of transacting information is just to fucking scream a sentence into the void that's what twitter is it's screaming a sentence into the void. That's what Twitter is. It's screaming a sentence into the void. That's all that it is. It's belligerency. It's built for

belligerency because it can't accommodate real conversation. I kind of feel like world leaders should just fucking not be able to set up Twitter accounts. Twitter should be like, nope, you're too important to have me. I'm for children. This is a child's media. Yeah, it really, you know, like it's also for people who want to make jokes and things.

I get it. I understand the necessity of Twitter, but it's informal. And as a formal leader of a country, you shouldn't be using an informal medium to contact people, to send messages out. Well, let me read this fucking quote. Israeli defense minister threatens nuclear retaliation, presuming Pakistan's role in Syria against ISIS. Israel forgets Pakistan is a nuclear state, too. That's fuck you?

What he's basically saying is, fuck me, fuck you. Yeah. That's what he's saying right there and it's like this is a fake news story it's he's he's reacting to reacting to a fake news story by screaming into the void and also i mean just read that it's israel death min threatens nuclear retaliation presuming pack role in like he has to even abbreviate it because you can't even get the full fucking thought out with the full fucking words. When we're talking about whether or not to use weapons that are measured in mega tonnage, right, that will annihilate.

And like literally, like I was just reading a thing the other day that, you know, about nuclear tests. Like some of these weapons will incinerate, incinerate every living thing within like three miles and then fucking hundreds or thousands of miles out third degree burns i mean these are these are insane weapons i feel like you shouldn't abbreviate like that's not the time you use the abbreviation that's the time you type the whole thing out not nuke not none of that like nuclear you got time you have time when we're talking about things this important yeah Yeah, for sure. And I also feel like how fitting would it be if human civilization is snuffed out by a troll story. Right?

How fitting is that? And this is how it goes. And do you know what the worst part of it is? You know who survives it? The trolls, because they're all in their fucking mother's basements according to a recent poll 49.3 percent of the people in new york believe that our leaders knew the 9-11 attacks were planned and they intentionally failed to act are 49.3 percent of us just fucking crazy so the story is from alternate uh 58 donald trump conspiracy theories and counting this is the definitive Trump conspiracy guide.

There's a lot of them in here. A lot of them that are real common are in here. And there's like, specifically, we're looking at one. Obama was born Barry Satoro. And we've heard him called Obama Barry many, many, many times. Mostly by that. Rick Wiles. No, no, no.

Also by that. That guy. What was his fucking. Also by that. That guy. What was his fucking name? Manning. Thank you. I don't know who you were. You were just imitating your own voice there. I don't know what you're talking about.

Imitation is not a virtue. Yeah. And there's a lot of these in here that are real common. But there's some also that are just kind of weird. Let's talk about the Arabic ring. I like this one. So and this floats around like and there was a story. There's an Infowars thing just last week where Alex Jones was yammering about Obama wearing an Arabic ring or an Islamic ring. And Trump, being a fucking total fucking goofball, buys into this nonsense as well.

So he's got a tweet, and this is Trump's tweet. He says, why does Barack Obama's ring have an Arabic inscription? Who is this guy? And then he links to fucking WND, which is the fucking World Net Daily. Like it's a junk site for assholes, right? And then it's a picture of Obama, and then it's got a picture of a ring, and I guess if you fucking Inspector Clouseau that thing with a magnifying

glass and a fucking magnifying glass on your magnifying glass, and you fucking get it out your electron telescope, you can maybe look at the ring and see that it is a ring. That's what you can see. We are zooming on this thing? I'm zooming on it. I can't see anything on on it we are looking at this on a fucking 50 inch screen right now zoomed in like

fucking csi i can see his pores and i can't see what the fuck is on this like there's nothing on the ring that's why it looks just like a pattern yeah it's just a fucking ring idiot well and that's and then and this calls back to when people create these conspiracies they think oh he's wearing an islamic ring as some arabic ring and you're thinking if he was a secret muslim wouldn't he keep those things secret wouldn't he be like hey you know what i'm just gonna pretend that i'm actually not a muslim and keep all those things inside me why would i absolutely why would i go out of my way to wear something that signifies what I'm trying to hide? It doesn't make any sense.

I hope nobody takes my picture. I'm the president of the United States. If you have to wear something on your body, if you've got to wear a fucking Islamic ring, wear an Islamic cock ring, right? Because nobody's taking a picture of your cock. Oh, God, the fucking Muslims in New Jersey thing. Yeah, you know, one of the things that he fucking yammered about, too, during the election season, particularly during the primaries, was how thousands of Muslim Americans in New Jersey celebrated on 9-11.

And there's fucking just absolutely no evidence of this at all, except for InfoWars, like a twit from fucking InfoWars. That's it. And that's like his source. And he's like, yeah, we all saw it. fucking InfoWars. That's it. And that's like his source. He's like, yeah, we all saw it. We saw it on TV. I saw it. You saw it. We all saw it. It's been seen. Well, and then when he's confronted on it, he's like, never said it. Never said it. Don't know why you would say it. Sir, here's video of you saying

it. Never said it. Didn't say it. That guy doesn't even look like me. Also they celebrated, but I didn't say it. It's a bad impersonation of me, but I'll tell you what. Thousands of Muslim Americans celebrated on 9-11. I never said that. I like number 23. Syrian refugees bill ISIS for their phones.

What does the expense report to ISIS look like? How do you send that in? And how do they pay with slaves? Singular doesn't accept slaves anymore. That's just the singular. Singular doesn't accept money anymore. Is that even a company? They are in ISIS

land. Like Prime Co? That's where they went. They get one of those big candy bar phones they used to get. Actually, those were like Bundt cake phones. They weren't even like candy bar phones. It's just fucking huge. It's like a fucking, it's bigger than a baby's arm. The fucking thing was huge.

I remember those. What else was there? It was another company. Prime, was it Prime? Cell One. Cell One. Cell One, Singular, Prime Co. Yeah.

Prime Co. None of those are in business anymore. They all sound like Interslice, like Hyperdrive. They all sound crazy. Number 45 is awesome. I knew you were going so crazy number 45 is awesome you're going there number 45 is awesome it's immigrants with ebola crossing into america and he was talking about this during yeah he was like during the ebola scare which was you know uh grossly overblown this was amazing because they kept on blaming obama for it it was so awesome. That's if Obama's walking around sneezing Ebola onto people.

Or he's at the fucking, at the border with a fucking thermometer. And like a nurse's thing. They open their mouths and say, no, that's not an Ebola thermometer. Yeah, I love this shit. You got to admit, though, Obama's black and some black people had Ebola. So put the pieces together yourself. Jesus. There was a couple of them about Ebola, though, that he was letting immigrants cross in.

But then also the CDC was lying about Ebola. And his tweet is, Ebola is much easier to transmit than the CDC and the governments are admitting. Spreading all over Africa and fast. Stop flights is what he said. This is your president now. This is a guy who reacts to information without a filter and then responds without a filter. Yep. Well, look what he said.

What he said is his second tweet here. I'm starting to think there's something seriously wrong with President Obama's mental health. Why won't he stop the flights? Psycho! Exclamation point. Psycho? Psycho. Remember all those people that died of Ebola?

No? Oh. Not in the United States. Yeah, well, just ones of them. Just ones. They died by the ones. I love that we'll fucking break our ass to stop Ebola, which kills by the ones. But like, we fucking, Christmas weekend, 60 some people were shot.

Yeah. And we're just like, I don't know, maybe give them all some more guns. Put a gun on all their guns. Strap guns to their guns. Yeah. In Chicago alone, 60, over the fucking Christmas weekend! Well, it is the giving season. I gave you a bullet!

60-some people, I think it was like 61 people were shot in Chicago alone. We're just like, I don't know, but don't take my guns. But fucking two people sneeze and die of Ebola and they were fucking nurses treating people with Ebola. We're like, I don't know, stop all the flights to and from everywhere.

Just cancel America. It is funny that they're willing to take drastic steps to slow down threats that are very small. Yeah, the minimum. And it happens all the time. Yeah. That happens all the time. Right.

And another thing that we don't pay attention to is when guns kill people and they happen to kill little kids like Sandy Hook and other places. And don't get me wrong, those are tragedies, but people are way more concerned about things like that than they are 60 individual shootings in Chicago in the poor neighborhood. They're just way more concerned about those things. And it doesn't matter how many kids in that poor neighborhood get accidentally shot, right? Because it's different. We just have decided collectively we don't give a shit or they kind of maybe deserved it or something. Or that they're just all separate, right?

They're all not the same person. They're all not the same family. If they're all in the same house, maybe we'd care more. Yeah, we'd probably care more. He's the horn-headed dude in the red pajamas. This is so fucking goofball. This is from Right Wing Watch. This is Coach Dave.

Coach, the Coach Dave. Coach. Dave. Coach of what? I don't know, but he wears a hat, so he calls himself the Coach. Dave Daubenmeier. Recent terror attacks. He's like a taking your life coach.

If he's a life coach, I don't want to live anymore. I'm kidding. Dave Dobmeier, recent terror attacks were orchestrated by the CIA to prevent Trump from becoming president. The CIA is doing, hold on a second. The CIA is willing to kill to prevent Trump from being president. Why wouldn't they have just killed Trump? They're just killing random people and hoping it works. Why wouldn't they just fix the election?

It's the CIA, right? This is the worst method possible for achieving this goal, right? To be like, I want to stop Trump from becoming president. I made your pizza late. What does that have to do with anything? You know, you had plenty of time before he became president to do lots of stuff. The guy started running two years ago. The CIA's like,

ah, we'll get to it. We'll get to it. And we'll put it off until he actually becomes president. And maybe they didn't think he was going to win either. They believe the polls because it's the CIA and they don't know any better. And then he wins and they're like, I don't know. What do we do about it? Terror attacks? That'll work? Alright, let's play Dave.

Coach Dave with his cross hat. We've been talking a lot about the deception and how deceived so many people are, including Christians, how we just believe the bottom line that somebody else tells us. They put us in a box. We feel comfortable in that box. We don't ever want to get out of that box. We don't want anybody poking any new information at all in that box.

I poke new information into a box all the time. Look, I just want to spend time in the box, near the box, around the box, fiddling with the box. I guess I'm just saying, where's the box? Trying to help people understand that the greatest thing going on around us is the deception. It's the most valuable weapon that the enemy has is to deceive. And guns. It's really the most valuable weapon is to deceive. Also guns.

Guns are a really good weapon. And nuclear weapons. Right. That's another good weapon. That's another one. Death rays. Archimedes' death ray is a good weapon. I'm going to lie to you.

Okay. I'm going to shoot you. Can you lie to me instead? I would prefer that. I don't know. Like, fine. That sounds like a good idea. All good.

In fact, he's not only a liar, he doesn't just tell lies. He's the father of lies. So lies are his little babies. He ejaculates lies. He rocks lies to sleep at night. He reads lies bedtime stories. Now, if he's the father of lies, does he sometimes not believe them and have to get a paternity test? How are your 42% lies?

Oh. them and have to get a paternity test how are your 42 lies better than they were at 100 so uh this fake news and all that stuff going on on around us we have to be not ignorant of his devices and understand what's going on so isn't it amazing that in the midst of all this this electoral college and all this stuff's going on. In the midst of the electoral college that we've had since the inception of the country. And all this stuff that's going on. Oh, I forgot about all this stuff that's going on. Like what?

Like the fucking settled election and the transition of power? The election of the president. Happens fucking literally like clockwork? Yeah. We end up having a Russian ambassador get ambassador get shot now i've been all over the internet like so many of it allegedly shot there's no blood in the scene you know there's no blood on it like i saw the video yeah you can't tell if there was blood on the scene the angle is not the angle is not not it doesn't have no idea if there's i'm fucking real you look

super shot i'll tell you what he looked He looked fucking real surprised to get shot. Then he looked real shot. And then he looked real dead. He looked extremely dead. Yeah, I mean, it doesn't look like he was going to be. Right, he's not okay. He was not going to be shaking that one off. What do they think?

He's part of the conspiracy, and then later they bundle him into the ambulance. They're like, okay, time to wake up, Romeo. And they put him in the fucking witness protection program. Yeah, and then what do you got to do? You got to alter his face or something. I mean, the guy's face is going to be all over everything forever. That doesn't even make any sense.

It's insane. It's literally insane. Those tinfoil hat guys get loose and they go in a thousand different directions and they can create videos that really make you begin to wonder. But again, here we are. The Russians are in. I remember when four years ago when Mitt Romney mentioned the Russians and they about laughed him off the stage. And now all of a sudden the Russians are that big black bear again right in the middle of everything.

What does that even mean? I don't follow that train of thought at all. I don't understand how that's fucking relevant at all. I am literally unable to follow his train of thought. I'm sorry. I'm not being facetious. I don't know what he's talking about. I don't know how he just put those two things together.

I know every word he just used. I'm not being facetious. I don't know what he's talking about. I don't know how he just put those two things together. I know every word he just used. I'm not lost there. I am intimate with every single word. I know, right? Yeah. Except for Mitt Romney. Do not be ignorant of his devices and what's going on. So we saw that happen.

Then over in Germany, they had what they call a truck accident. No, nobody's calling it a truck accident. They're calling it a fucking terrorist attack. A truck drove into the fucking Kris Kringle market and fucking mowed a bunch of people down. No one's calling it an accident. The dude took a truck, killed the fucking truck driver, and drove it into a thing. Who's calling that a truck accident? Where some guy mowed down 12 people, killed 12 people, injured a bunch of other people.

And so in my mind, is this stuff being orchestrated? What, the terrorist attacks? Are they being orchestrated? Yes, by terrorists. Yeah, this stuff being orchestrated? The terrorist attacks, are they being orchestrated? Yes, by terrorists. Yeah, they're being orchestrated, dummy. They're being orchestrated by terrorists, fuckwit. Is he suggesting that all these terrorist attacks are all being orchestrated and the way that they're being done in different parts of the world by different groups with different aims and measures

are all being done so that Donald Trump gets to be more or much less president or something? So then I think he's saying so that Obama doesn't become, doesn't step down as president or something? I kind of want to get to the end. But wouldn't there be a domestic terrorist attack? Like, why do I give a fuck that the fucking ambassador of Russia gets shot in Turkey? And I'm just like, well, fuck it. I don't want to change presidents.

What? What are you talking about? I'll fucking change my underpants. I don't care at all. I was reading something this morning, Russ. I'm going to give you some time. Bear with me a second. I was reading something this morning about the dark side

of the Central Intelligence Agency. Oh, my God. That same dark side that the central intelligence agency oh my god that same dark side that actually took out john f kennedy we all you're grown up enough to know that that didn't happen the way they told us right you you are grown up enough to understand that are you grown up enough to know cecil that it was the the black cia or i'm sorry the afric-American CIA. He said dark. Nope. Nope. That there is a very dark element of the Central Intelligence Agency. The whole CIA is dark.

That's their thing. That's their whole thing. It's not like they have like a happy face. Right? They'll be like, you know, I read this article about like these super tough Navy SEALs. That's all the Navy SEALs. That's all the Navy SEALs! It's fucking all of them! There's not the super duper ones.

They don't wear capes. They don't have the nerdy ones. Right? I can't do... Look at that Navy SEAL. He can't even do 10 push-ups. Pussy-ass Navy SEAL. I don't mean that, Navy SEAL. If there's any Navy SEALs listening, I don't mean that.

He's the Navy SEAL's only hacker and by hacker I mean he plays World of Warcraft and the CIA in particular is doing everything they can to make sure that Donald Trump doesn't get to be President of the United States because he will drain that swamp. What does that have to do

with anything? Like oh my god you fucking just went from fucking assassinations in other countries to who he's gonna appoint and or who he's gonna like who's gonna be in charge in washington what does he make any sense why would the cia be that concerned with draining the swamp it's the fucking cia they're spies that's the fucking thing they'd be like well who's the fucking energy secretary? I don't know. I'm busy spying on people. I don't care at all. I have an umbrella that shoots fucking lasers and shit.

It doesn't even make any sense. I'm putting radioactive shit in somebody's Cheerios. Fucking whatever. My wristwatch is a grappling hook. I'm super cool. I just answered my phone, and it's my shoe. Every chair I sit in is an ejector seat. Every chair.

I'm a spy, motherfucker. And you know what I'm versus? Other spies. When I drive down the road, I have to be careful not to press the oil slick button in my car. I have to be careful of that. Slick shoes. Do you commute with jetpacks?

Because I commute with jetpacks. In fact, I saw that the guy he pointed to be head of the CIA is a born-again Bible-believing Christian. Claims that. I don't know if you guys saw that or not. Wait, why don't you believe him? Why don't they believe that the person if the person says it, shouldn't you believe it? I like.

Yeah, because I can't think of why that would be an advantage for the head of the CIA. I know. I'm trying to think like it doesn't open any doors for you. His name slips my mind right now. So we're seeing this spiritual war break out in the natural. Don't don't miss what's going on. And we want to think of again how stupid trump is and he doesn't know what's going on and he's an egotist and i'm going

to tell you something we don't have any idea the information that donald trump is receiving he's only receiving it once a week yeah he's receiving it all the time he doesn't even go to his fucking receiving information briefings i love that even people that support him are like, look, I know everybody says he's functionally retarded. I know everybody says he's a fucking liar and an idiot and a fool, but hey, we don't even know what he learned.

He doesn't even try to talk about any other stuff. He's like, but we don't even know what he learned. Basically said, maybe he's gotten better. Maybe he heard something that made him better. And the people who are around him, and maybe some of these undercover people are coming up

and telling the truth about what's going on. Because somewhere down in the depths of all that have got to be some guys who love the Lord and love America. And so we don't know what's going on other than we know that this is a spiritual war. I would go on a limb here and say, we don't know that.

I would say that's a stretch coach to stretch. I know you got to stretch before you worked out, but that's a fucking stretch. So let's take a moment to talk about our sponsor, adamandeve.com. I, you know, Tom,

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This is also from Right Wing Watch. This is the shoe man, Theodore Shoebat. National Geographic publishers should be burned at the stake for featuring transgendered child. I think he should be burned at the stake for those eyebrows. Those are a crime against humanity. They're kind of all over the place. He needs to hire somebody to pluck them. Pluck them? Can they just choose one direction?

They fucking meander like the old Mississippi. Look at that. They're all over the place. Also, this guy looks like he fucking painted some cotton balls black and pasted them to the side of his face. He looks ridiculous. Wait a beard, bro. Fucking Movember is over.

You can shave that. It's the weakest beard I've ever seen. There's some very proud beards out there. This is the that biggest beard i've ever seen like there's some there's some very proud beers out there this is the weakest fucking beard i've ever seen that's the weakest beard i've ever seen and i have this i had i had that beard when i was 14 i dated a girl with that beard this story proves another thing It proves that children as young as nine can be diabolical and evil. They can be just as diabolical and just as evil. What is this, omen?

Like, is this the babysitters hanging from the window? Their big dog is real mean. What are you kidding? Diabolical nine-year-old. When my nine-year-old gets diabolical, he gets an extra sprite out of the fridge. And then we're like, hey man,

you can't have that sprite. He's like, okay. And that's it. That's the thing. Didn't Macaulay Culkin hurt those two guys a lot, though, in that movie? Yeah, but he was like 11. And then shit gets real. That's fair. As adults can.

They can be little Hitlers. We're talking about little Hitler. He's adorable. Oh, he's killing his first Jew. Look at him. He gave him a little Jew doll. He brought Zyklon B for show and tell. That's so sweet.

So nice. he goes to school dressing his little uniform every day it's real good it's really nice we wallpapered his room with fucking arms they did they did wear they did wear the jesus what the fuck is wrong with you didn't they show like a bunch of pictures of adolf hitler don't don't the germans like to wear shorts isn't that kind of a thing wherearian thing? Where they wear shorts all the time? But they call them lederhosen. Okay. Yeah, right.

Or great lederhosen. My hererhosen. Little nine-year-old children, they'll kill cats, strangle little animals to death. They'll light things on fire. I've heard all sorts of stories light things on fire well fucking somebody should be supervising hold on no i just want to put exhibit a yeah you are diabolical if you light things on okay right okay or strangle or strangle or murder something right let's just say right now exhibit a exhibitit A. Diabolical if that happens. Of what

little children can do. All the evils that little children have done. Supposed innocent children. Supposed innocent children. Why did it get all weird? Like, why did it supposed innocent children? Did it do a weird voice? It kind of did.

Supposed innocent children. What happened there? He became Mr. Belvedere for a second. The kid is obviously evil, obviously a reprobate, obviously, I mean, just diabolical. He's talking about a trans kid, by the way. Just so you know. Right. Just so we could frame this in a way that you can understand it. He's talking about a kid who's nine years old who's trans.

That's it. That's the whole thing. That's the thing. And who's nine years old who's trans. That's it. That's the whole thing. That's the thing. And he's equating that to strangling cats and burning shit. And burning shit. And he's calling them diabolical and evil. And a reprobate. He loves that word.

He does love that word. He uses reprobate. I think it's just like, he's like, that is a great word. It has a lot of syllables. I'm a real big fan of that one. We're using it all the time. He fucking loves that thing. You don't get money back with the reprobate.

You always forget to mail it in. Yes, even at that age, even at that age of nine years old, the kid is still evil. It says here, but the Kansas City fourth grader knows the significance of the magazine's cover quote by putting myself more out there people will be able to know that i am transgender no you're a freak you're a little demon you're a little nazi hitler what wait a minute he's just like like it's it it's just a transgendered person? Like, how in the world? Even if you thought transgender was the wrongest wrong, how does that in any way equate to little Nazi Hitler? They're just so wildly disparate. I always wondered that, too, because they talk about trans people being evil or gay people being evil or whoever.

They have this idea that they're evil. These are all people who are just making a decision for themselves. Yeah, why would anyone care? It's a decision about themselves, for themselves, with no one else that's involved unless, of course, let's say it's gay people, but then they're making another decision with another adult gay person. Yeah. It doesn't even matter.

It literally affects nobody else. Nobody cares about it. Right. I'm a transgender. I'm proud and learn more about transgender issues. Really? Really? I'm a transgender.

I'm proud and learn more about transgender issues. Really? This little freak would not mind sticking people like me in a gas chamber. He doesn't care about you at all. Projecting. Right. You're just projecting. Right.

I mean, it's just so fucking obvious. It's ridiculous. Like the idea that you feel threatened by this child means that you threatened this child. You want to threaten this child. And that's all you're doing. It's just ridiculous projection. This is sick shit. And this is the problem that I have with the First Amendment, the freedom to do whatever you want. You literally have no idea what the First Amendment is.

Wait, you should pull your fucking nose out of your Bible once and read the fucking Constitution. I feel like if the First Amendment was you're free to do whatever you want, you wouldn't need any other amendments. They would all fall under the rubric of whatever you want. And then we would have no more laws. I know. It's like First Amendment is basically anarchy. Right. It's the purge. Right. First Amendment is basically anarchy. Right? It's the purge, right?

First Amendment is tear up this amendment. Second Amendment is don't tell anybody about this amendment. This is Amendment Club. It's crazy. The First Amendment is you can do whatever you want, and then you try to pass a law saying you can't do something. First Amendment. I want to arrest you. First Amendment.

I'm claiming my rights to First Amendment. Also pre-Minocta. I just killed you. First Amendment. I'm claiming my rights to First Amendment. Also pre-Minocta. I just killed everybody. First Amendment. Idiot. And in the Catholic Church, I mean, the whole damn crew behind National Tree Grave would be tried. And once they are found guilty, they'd be burned at the stake. They used to burn people at the stake.

In the Catholic Church, they would do this? Maybe the Inquisition? Maybe in ancient times. But I also want to point out, we already covered earlier that lighting people on fire or things on fire is diabolical. We've already covered this.

So if the Catholic Church does it though, maybe it's somewhat less diabolical. We've already covered this. So if the Catholic Church does it, though, maybe it's somewhat less diabolical? They used to burn people at the stake for promoting evil ideologies and evil beliefs. Yeah, and then we fucking decided that's terrible. And then we realized, whoa, bad call. Right? Hey, is there any way we could just not do that anymore?

Can we just pretend that we didn't do that? We used to burn people to steak and then we all came to our fucking collective senses. We used to stone people to death. We used to do all kinds of horrible shit. Now we're hoping that we actually abolish the death penalty. Can we just try to do less horrible shit? I feel like that should be our lesson from 2016, right? Can we do less horrible shit? Like, I feel like that should be our lesson from 2016, right? Can we do less horrible shit?

And they don't do that anymore. They allow them to publish magazines. You know, back in the old days. The super old days, like 600 years ago. I know, we're talking about back in the old days. We're talking like fucking back when there were Moors. Right? That's a long fucking time ago.

Back before we had a germ theory of disease like back when people died because their fucking teeth went bad and they starved to death are you kidding me are you kidding me those were not the good old days back before eyeglasses fucking long time ago this is back before toilet paper, right? This is back before you're like, you're trying to get busy, like, fuck, put clothes back on, you smell weird, like nobody took a bath. These days were terrible. This is back

before corn was a thing. Heretics, like the Cathars, promoted sodomizing, well, sodomizing, men sodomizing other men, people sodomizing animals very very sick things Catholic Church burn them at the stake they used to just burn people at the stake

for this now they don't burn people at the stake and this is what you got no shit they're fucking barbarians man that's terrible glad we don't do that I think everybody is fucking doing a collective high five

that there are no burnings this is not isis is pro steak okay that's fine yeah and this guy yeah right isis and this guy right and then we've kind of looked at isis and no one is looking around like well they've got that one right yeah no yeah chucking gay people off the rest of the world is appalled yeah now the concern obviously is if this isn't bottled up in San Francisco this kind of nonsense, then it's going to be spreading across the entire fruited plain and you're going to be going to your Burger King in Des Moines, Iowa

and you're going to have a rainbow colored wrapper for your Whopper. This is Gordon Klingenschmitt. Gays in the U.S. are like ISIS, but they metaphorically throw Christians off a roof. How do they metaphorically throw Christians off a roof. How do you metaphorically throw somebody off a roof? Let's hear him say it.

First of all, again, we condemn as demonic the Muslim spirit of violence, and yet we compare these so-called religious police inside of the totalitarian... They're not so-called religious police. That's what they call themselves. They're not the so-called... It's not like the so-called religious police. That's what they call themselves. They're not the so-called police.

No, that's the police. You call them up. Hey, they answer the phone. It's the fucking police, man. They like that so-called thing, though. Right, as if there's some controversy around the naming. State of Syria that is going to control everybody's religion so they instill religious police that are going to go around and literally put people in jail or worse kill them

in this case for being homosexual doesn't that sound to you like the phoenix city council in the previous story the religious police in ph in Phoenix are going around to the Christians who refused to print the wedding invitations, and they're saying, because you're Christian, you're going to go to jail for six months. That doesn't sound anything like it, actually. That doesn't sound even remotely close to the same thing. That doesn't sound anything like it.

No, they're not analogous in literally any way. I can't think of a single way. There's nothing. So the story itself that he's talking about is of, you know, I mean, there are some things here when we talk about this. We talk about whether or not someone should be able to discriminate against people based on their sexual preference. Some of that stuff is protected. Right. But I feel like I feel like this isn't something that and we talked about this and we talked about this with so many different people,

and I feel like I need to reiterate the point, at least the way I feel about it. The way I feel about it is there's nothing that these people are doing that they can stop doing, right? It's not anything that they can control. Being gay isn't something that you can turn on and off. So when you discriminate against somebody for something that they can't control, you are discriminating against them in a way that I don't think should be legal. It would be the same thing as if you discriminated against them if they were handicapped or you discriminate against them because they're black or discriminate against them for the color of their skin.

Those are things they cannot control. color their skin. Those are things they cannot control. And I feel like if we're going to be consistent with all those other things, we should be consistent when it comes to being discriminated against because you happen to be in a same-sex relationship. The only people that are ever crying about this stuff are religious people who are in the wedding business. Those are the only people that are crying. It really is. It's really only those people. And my suggestion to those people is

go start a different card company. Go do something else because you're not going to be happy here. This is not going to stop. It's not going to be that you're going to be next week. There's not going to be any gay marriages just because you put your foot down. Right.

Stop doing what you're doing. If you don't like what you're doing, if you go to the prison every day and you're a prison guard and you hate your fucking job get a new job all the rest of us have to do it too we don't change how other people have to work even if their job sucks the idea around your sexuality is that it's fundamental to your personhood right so your your your sexuality is is it's fundamental to your personhood, right? So your, your, your sexuality is, is just a deeply rooted part of who you are. And like you said, you can't change it, nor should you have to change it. I mean, it means nothing to anybody but yourself and your partner or partners, right? Who fucking cares? What is, what is the big goddamn difference? And, and I actually,

you know, I, I support laws that are anti-discrimination laws because it's a bigger deal than just baking cakes, right? If this was just baking cakes, I couldn't get all that fucking worked up about it. Go, you know, there could be an argument to be made called go get a cake from somewhere else, right? Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. But these same kinds of biblical precepts were used to justify anti-miscegenation laws all throughout the country until those were struck down, right? And, you know, it's the case that there are a number of businesses that could be fundamental to your ability to move through the world, you know, that if they decided that you were gay and they didn't want to serve you, could really

dramatically affect your life in a terrible way. There are goods and services that are essential for your financial well-being in order for you to engage and for your health in order for you to engage. And if those businesses, and the wedding cake thing doesn't fucking matter, but if those businesses, you know, my business is real estate. So if all of a sudden somebody showed up to my place of work, and I know we used this example before, but it's the one that I'm most intimately familiar with. If somebody showed up to my place of work, and I know we used this example before, but it's the one that I'm most intimately familiar with. If somebody showed up to my place of business, and I was the only office in the area, and they'd already run their money in their escrow through me, and I added their title and all this, and they showed up and they wanted to close. And I said, well,

you seem gay. I'm going to turn you away. I'm not going to close. Do you know how many deals are date sensitive, where people are buying and selling homes and there's hundreds of thousands of dollars that are on the line? Maybe your home gets lost to foreclosure unless you sell it tomorrow. I mean, these are real world effects on people. It's not just a fucking cake. So if you just have the right to push people out your door because you feel weird about selling them your goods and services or whatever, you can have real effects on people's lives. You can damage them financially. You can damage their health. Think about it in this sense. Let's say we were going to do a live show somewhere and one of us happened to be gay and we had a conversation with somebody

to book a venue, do all kinds of stuff to get everything set up. And then the day of, one of us meets the AV guy or something. And we say to the guy, hey, nice to meet you. I'm Tom. I'm Cecil. Oh, this is Cecil's partner. Right. I happen to be gay and there's a guy there.

Oh, I don't want to do this show. Right. Well, fucking everybody's got tickets. Everybody's set up to do this. There's a whole live performance that's going to be happening. Hundreds of people are affected at that point. Sure. Just because one guy doesn't like gay people. Yeah.

Should that be? I mean, we're always looking at it from the other side. It's like, well, should they be forced to do it? Yeah, they should be forced to. They said they were going to do it. Right. Yeah, and you put yourself out there, like you said. You made yourself the role of dude in the service industry, right?

Nobody, I got a couple of kids. I'm not pointing at them and saying, you're a fucking wedding cake maker. Yeah. If that's the job they go into, then fucking make a wedding cake. Yeah. Make a fucking invitation, whatever it is. That's the job you chose. Do the job.

It's like the fucking pharmacist, right? What if you're in a small town, there's one pharmacy and you need insulin, right? And you're gay. And you're fucking literally out of insulin and you need insulin and the pharmacist is like, I don't fucking sell things to gay people. Well, I'm going to die if I don't get my insulin. I don't have time

to drive. You'll have to get to another hospital. Times are tough. Hope Amazon now delivers it by drone. I don't care because I like to watch gay people die because I'm a monster. I mean, this is like, these are real world effects. This is more than cakes. Yeah. Now, how is that any different?

We have religious police here in America that are doing the same on a lesser scale. Scale matters. Yeah. Scale matters. Right. Like, Cecil, if I pinch you, I have hurt you. Or throw you off a building. Yes. And if I throw you off a building., I have hurt you. Or throw you off a building. Yes.

And if I throw you off a building, hurt you. You've also hurt me. But scale matters, right? It's essentially the same thing. If my son shoots me with a Nerf gun or he shoots me with a shotgun, scale matters. To the Christians here in America that the Islamic state is doing to the homosexuals in Syria. Literally not even close.

It's not even the same. God, it's not even the same planet. It's not even the same galaxy, dude. So let me ask this. Here's the question. And I'm appealing now to the homosexuals out there. Okay. All the homosexuals that are listening.

Actually, there are probably, right now, we have really increased your homosexual listeners. I guarantee you, Klingenschmitt. Shouldn't you rather treat others as you would want to be treated? Yeah. I'm sure that they would say They would sell a white person a cake.

Or a straight person a cake. A white person. They're not all black, though. There's probably a black gay guy. The A white person. They're not all black, though. There's probably a black gay guy. The good ones are. There's a black gay guy. There's a black gay girl who listens right now. Guaranteed.

Shouldn't you treat the Christian couple in Phoenix as if they ought to have religious freedom? They do have religious freedom. In every aspect of their life, they still have religious freedom. It's not like he's walking in being like, yeah, I can't pay you actual money, but I have to butt fuck you for these. He's gonna give them dollars. There's literally nothing in their fucking... And that's the thing, right? It's like, oh,

yeah, I don't want to do it because it's against my religious liberty. Oh, are you getting a gay marriage too? No? Oh, okay. You just have to write something down. The same thing you would write down. You're just handing... You're not looping up my cock. What the fuck?

You know what's going to be the best lawsuit is the Christian couple that owns a sex store. And they're just like, I only sell the fucking 12 inch fucking destroyer cock or whatever. All they sell at the Christian sex store is sheets with a hole in it.

If you're interested with sheets and a hole in it, visit our sponsor, adamandeve.com. Instead of hiring religious police to metaphorically throw them off a roof. You don't like it when it's done to you. So why are you doing it to others? You don't like it when you're thrown off an actual roof. Maybe don't throw me off a metaphorical roof. Yeah, they're the same thing. Except for one person landed on the pavement and died.

And the other person had to write, I love you on a card. Are you kidding me? It's the same thing. My skull is crushed by fucking the impact of my fucking cranium against the dirt. Yeah, well, my hand has a cramp in it from writing a fucking Khalil Gibran poem on it. Are you kidding me? All he did was copy-paste it. It's Tupac Shakur lyrics. Fall

on your knees, bitch. This picture is great. This was a raw story. Twitter makes merry over the RNC's bonkers Christmas greeting, welcoming their new King, man, they done fucked up. They just done fucked up. So, uh, this is, this is the tweet. Okay. This is, this is the tweet. Merry Christmas to all, wrote RNC chairman, whatever the fuck. Over two millennia

ago, a new hope was born into the world. A savior who would offer the promise of salvation to all mankind. That's a long tweet. Was it just a picture of this or something? No, Twitter went crazy over it, but this wasn't actually the tweet. This was something they published on, like, The Hill or something. Okay.

Just as the three wise men did on that night, this Christmas heralds a time to celebrate the good news of a new king. We hope Americans celebrating Christmas today will enjoy a day of festivities and a renewed closeness with family and friends. A new king. We have a new king, Cecil. We elected a king because, firstil. We elected a king. Because first of all, kings are elected.

Just as the three wise men did on that night, this Christmas heralds a time to celebrate the goodness of a new king. I mean, you really can't. It's a direct comparison to Jesus. Yeah, you can't. And also, that he's a king.

Right. Right? It's also, I mean, you want to talk about some cucks. And also, that he's a king. Right. It's also, I mean, you want to talk about some cucks. I mean, you might as well felch it right out of the ass. Oh, goddammit, dude. Jesus. That's too far. No, when they finish in there and you watch them do it,

that is really just like, Donald, please finish on my face. That's all that is. Just, the RNC is that fucking excited that is really just like donald please finish on my face like that's all that is just it it the rnc is that fucking excited that they are comparing him i love the idea first of all that you elect a king that's just insane yeah that's just delightfully insane you are the elected king i feel like you got all these words wrong like no part of that sentence actually makes any sense. But then to compare him directly to Jesus, Jesus was a fucking orange narcissist. He's a fat, orange, 70-year-old narcissist.

Jesus has more in common with Tupac Shakur than he does. So much more, as you noted earlier. There's a lot of tweets in here where people are kind of going after him. I can see that, though. They took this down because I went to the hill, and then I clicked on the link that they had for it, and they changed it all around. Oh, they did because it's insane.

Yeah, so they changed it all around. They initially put this out, and then they sort of went back on it because they're like, oh, you know, look, I understand your party really does like the Jesus. I get that, right? So you're going to, of course, tweet out something that is talking about, you know, this day in history when Jesus was born or whatever. You know, like I understand that that's what you want to do,

even though Jesus wasn't. It wasn't born on the 25th. If he was. It's a fucking made up. Yeah, if he was a thing, he wasn't born then. But in any case. Got the date wrong. I understand where you're coming from with this,

but that last sentence is really, I think, going too far. It's not the last sentence. Second last sentence. Just as the three wise men did on that night, this Christmas heralds a time to celebrate the good news of a new king. And they're talking about the king of the fucking... They're talking about the king of the world, the savior. Yeah, right.

Yeah. Yeah. And even if they would have changed that to ruler, it would have still rang. Weird. Weird. Super weird. The whole thing is super weird. I know you're real excited your guy won.

Yeah. That's great. Like, be excited that your guy won. Your guy is not the new Jesus, and he's not the new king. That's so weird. He's not the new king yet. Wait a few years. You want answers?

I think I'm entitled. You want answers. I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. This is a story from the New York Daily News. Nearly 50% of Donald Trump voters believe Hillary Clinton is involved in a pedophilia ring, according to a poll. It's actually 46%. And this is based on that pizza gate shit

yeah yeah you know so in a survey of fucking trump voters they're they're widely i mean almost half of them are like yeah we still and then when confronted with the evidence the number really backs down to like 29 percent do you remember it was a while back this was this was early in uh early in december there was this this back, this was early in December, there was this bit on CNN where they confronted a bunch of Trump voters about that illegal aliens, like how many illegal aliens came in and voted. And they talked to them, and one of the women on there was like, yeah, well, over 3 million of them voted.

And they said, well, there's no evidence, like literally no evidence. You can go try to find it, whatever. Nobody's ever said that. And the lady's like, no, I saw it ever said that and the lady's like no i saw it on cnn he's like no we've never said she's like this is cnn that never happened never said that and she's like well i just believe it's true right and that's what we have now we have a group of people who are like yeah i just believe that this thing is true and that's what you know it doesn't matter what you say or how you say it about this fucking Pizzagate thing. People believe it's true. Yeah, we're talking about Alex Jones here.

Alex Jones made up a story about some wild and crazy. And I want to talk a little bit about, like, why do you think people want to believe this? Because I think there's something going on here, right? Like, we believe the things that we want to believe. We believe those things first, I think there's something going on here, right? Like we believe the things that we want to believe. We believe those things first, I think. And so there must be a segment of people who want to believe that there are these rings of pedophiles, right? They think that this matches their worldview is what I'm saying, right? Like we believe most easily the things that match their worldview, right? Because it all fits.

It fits this narrative, and then their world makes more sense. And so we take in more easily the pieces of information that plug into our worldview. information called there are rings of pedophiles and children that are bought and sold on these markets in these underground satanic murdery markets. Like, what the fuck is with this worldview? There's no evidence that any of this happens. And still they're just like, yeah, that fits the narrative of the world, the lens that I use to look at how things happen. Yeah. I wonder what other parts of their life are. Are this crazy?

Well, I wonder what parts of their life they're this gullible because there's no, I mean, there just is no evidence of this. There's just no evidence. No. Even the stuff that they quote as evidence, you read it and you're like, that's not evidence. That's literally nothing in there as evidence. Right. You read these emails, you read like, that's not evidence. That's literally nothing in there is evidence. You read these emails.

You read these things that are going out. Talk about spirit cooking last week when we talked about Alex Jones. They're talking about there is a message in there that talks about spirit cooking. But even if, let's just say, it even meant what they said, right? Let's just say, for example, that they actually, that Podesta and his fucking brother-in-law and whoever the fuck were getting together, and they were going to fucking jizz in a pot of spaghetti and they were going to eat it. Who gives a fuck? Right? Like, it's not against the law to, like, bleed into your own food.

We eat the fucking placenta sometimes. Who fucking cares? There's no law against it. It's a little weird. I don't even believe it, right? But even if they did, it doesn't even matter. It only matters if you think fucking eating your own fucking jizz makes you powerful in some way. And that's the step you've got to take.

That's the next step, man, is that they think eating your own jizz turns you into some kind of demon or something. That's like a real thing that somebody thinks, man. What the what? How much protein is in your jits? You got fucking mad gains, bro. It's my pre-workout. And then after I do it, it's my post-workout.

It's like, it seems so inefficient. Your body's like, I produced this so you could eat it. I already had it. I already had it. It was already in there. It was already in there. I had to do the thing. I already had it.

It was already in myself. It was already part of me. Eating it just makes it part of me again. Right? That's like me. Like, man, I need some gains. I can eat my own foot. I need some protein.

I'll chew on my skin. Eat another thing. I know. That's why we eat your buddy's gin but then he's like that guy is weaker that guy is weaker like what do you got to like i but i you got to get like a jizz farm or something like where it's grown naturally you gotta go on Milkley's dude. You gotta get out your pail and your fucking lube. We only hire young milkmaids. No, but there are people that... To get to the next step of that,

you have to believe that demons exist. Like with Ike. When we talk about Ike every week and he talks about these blood rituals and stuff. When these people cut themselves and hurt themselves and bleed and all this shit. And if nobody's dying, like who gives a fuck? Do I care if you cut yourself up and bleed into a cup and like drain? I don't give a fuck.

Do whatever you want. It's your body. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What about if they also sang a scary song at the same time? What if they stood in the middle of a star? I don't fucking care. Like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What if they blasted off into space space i don't give a fuck but if there was like a candle like if that

no that doesn't that doesn't change it because who gives a shit but it's but but what's crazy about all this is that even the most even the one thing that i'm i i'm not even willing to give you but even if you had it i still don't care care. Like I still don't care if they fucking spirit cooked or regular cooked or fucking if they all just fucking like picked a fucking recipe out of the Rolodex and made it different. I don't give a fuck. Wouldn't make any difference. I don't care how they fucking got together and had their dinner party. It doesn't fucking affect me. But that's evidence to these people.

They see this. They read this and they and they fucking and then they they create like you said, they substitute words clumsily for other things. Crazily. You're just like, well, does he make sense with the other words in it? Right. And so – but even – what I think is is that people trust these sources when they absolutely should be looking at it in a way like, like don't trust Alex Jones when he looks at the camera and he says, Oh, I've been through all these emails and you should read all this stuff in

this emails. No, go look at the emails. I did the searches for all the fucking search terms that he said in the goddamn video and nothing comes up. Or if it does, it's like, yeah,

we got to feed the staffers more pizza because staffers be liking pizza. Okay. Well that has nothing to do with anything. You're certainly not talking about little kids. Right. You don't have to fucking like usher in a bunch of little kids, like, like shoo them in with a broom so the staffers can rape them. Like none of it makes any sense.

It doesn't make any sense. And it's like we've, we've dulled Occam's razor to the point that like which you're just like, well, which is the more believable? Well, it's clearly more believable that there would be a, like a,

a network and farm of children, disposable, unknown children that get like fucking move somehow around the country and sold on these black markets to politicians who fuck them underneath pizza stores. Either that or people like to eat pizza. Those are your two options. Although, you know what?

I guess option A is probably more likely in New York. Yes. Long setup, sloppy finish. Just like New York pizza. So we want to thank our new patrons and we got a bunch of new patrons this week my goodness just a ton of new patrons a bunch of people chiming in wanting to find that jesse peterson uh uh patron only show we produced which actually turned out to be a lot of fun a lot of people a lot of people saying uh that they really liked it we're also in the future out to be a lot of fun. A lot of people saying that they really liked it. We're also, in the future, going to be doing some things with patrons that

has to do with video, so we'll be doing some video stuff with patrons. Mostly striptease. It's mostly going to be striptease. God, that would be fucking awful. Horrifying. Literally terrible. But we're anxious to

be starting some video and also be doing some patron-only stuff. We want to thank everybody who supports the show. The only reason we have these upgrades to the studio is because you guys donate your money. Absolutely true. So thank you so much for it. We want to thank BJ, John, Drunken Public,

DD, Jonathan, James, Casey, DD, Jonathan, James, Casey, Endwell, Christopher, Kalen, Jason, Carter, Sharon, Mitch, Joseph, Joshua, Jill, Adam, Tom's tiny penis. Wow. I can't believe it donated. I can't believe it could reach the keyboard. Man. Craig and Travis, thanks so much for donating. We really do appreciate it.

We appreciate everybody who donates to the show. Thank you guys so much for that. We also received a PayPal donation from Douglas with a message. Glory hole from Slippery When Wet, which I like very much. Again, you can go to DissonancePod.com. You can click on Donate and become a, well, not patron of the show, but you can just give us money there. We got a message from Christina, and Christina also

contributed to the show this week. Two stories. She did. I was story hunting, and I was coming up dry, and Christina was slippery when wet. Yeah, so there you go. So we wound up getting a couple emails from Christina, but she also sent us a message about fake news. And there's an NPR article that's entitled A Finder's Guide to Facts.

And I'll be posting this on this episode's show notes. And it's just got a – one of the things it reminded me of is Carl Sagan's baloney detector. I thought the same thing. And so just take a look through it. See what you think of it. I think, you know, NPR is a great source to try to find out how to be good journalists. So I would think that this would be a very good. As evidenced by their excellent journalism.

We got a message from Zane and Zane sent this this post. And this is this is Alex Jones. Oh, my God. It's so good. And it's from this Facebook page called Sick Breakdowns. And on this Facebook page, I'm actually recording. I'll put a link to this Facebook page on this episode's show notes, But I do want to play this. This is Alex Jones is a sick death metal vocalist.

The credit is to Sean Ehrlich. And the music is by Yeti Turds. So here we go. That is so crazy. I just want to say that that is all one clip of Alex Jones. That is not a spoof. That's not a spoof where they found a bunch of all these other clips and put it together. That's one clip of Alex Jones making fun of Planned Parenthood or something. And they just put it to death metal music. Did he say heat the hospitals with the babies or something?

Probably. He talks about the Pepsi challenge, which is fetal tissue and Pepsi, which is a dumb thing to think. It's a really dumb thing to think. It's just a dumb thing to think. Oh, jeez. We got a message from Courtney,

and Courtney sent this in, and it's an image that I'm going to post on this week's show notes. Jesus. It's from CNN, Christmas Around the World. It looks shop to me, but Tom, what did she say here at the bottom? She says, maybe I'm being a childish asshole. Well, if you are, I am.

But considering the issues that the Catholic Church has had, was there not a more appropriate body part on that statue to kiss? Like maybe any other one? I don't know. so just go check this image out it's on this week's show notes yeah it just gotta go it looks it looks like uh one of those moils yeah yeah it just circumcised maybe maybe baby jesus just circumcised and he needs to suck the blood off the tip of the baby penis but check out the image on this week's show notes. Finally, we got a message from Benjamin.

Benjamin said he was listening to our old podcast and this is a long time ago. He says he was listening and we were talking about Rick Perry's college transcripts. Mr. Perry has now been named head of the Department of Energy. He's been nominated for that position. Of course, he's not been approved yet.

I know. So we're going to replace a nuclear physicist with Rick Perry, a guy who actually wanted to eliminate this department but forgot the name of this department. He is now going to be the head

of this. We would be better off naming Perry the platypus from Phineas and Ferb. That is a joke that other people will get, Cecil. People with kids. Okay. People have kids? It reminds me of that skit we did about Rick Perry. And let me just play that. Let me just play it. I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a fundamentalist wacko. But you don't need to be plotting the dominionist takeover of America every day to know that there's something wrong in this country

when farmers plant two types of crops in the same field. And children are allowed to wear clothes made out of two types of fabric. As president, I'll bring back Levitical law and make sure if a man commits adultery with the wife of his neighbor, both the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death. I'm looking at you, Newt Gingrich. Faith really didn't have much of a part in making America great, but hey, let's change history together.

I'm Rick Parody, and I approve this message. Oh, you're still here? Enjoying the music, huh? Yeah, we didn't spare any expense. You hear those angels? We hired real angels. Genuine Texas angels. From the Alamo itself.

Because, you know, America. So we want to remind people that we are going to be on stage with the Godawful Movies crew on January 13th in Chicago at the Victory Gardens Biograph. There's still tickets on sale right now. You can still get tickets to see us on stage. We're going to be doing a couple hours with them. We're going to be hanging out. It should be a great time.

They're real funny guys, and it should be a very funny show. If you want to get tickets, you can just go to this episode's show notes. This is episode 335. So if you go to this episode's show notes, you can click on a link there, and it'll take you to buy the tickets on Eventbrite. So you can see the GAM show live in Chicago with us as special guests. And so if you want to get your tickets, get them soon. And we'll see you guys on the 13th here in Chicago. So next week, during this week, we're going to be releasing our Toaster Shakens for 2016. We're still in the process of sort of putting that together,

but that should be a good episode. It's going to be all the best stuff we did last year. It'll be short. It's the best thing we have, so enjoy that. That'll be out on Thursday, and then we'll be back next Monday. It's short, but it's the best thing I have. I say it all the time. You say that a lot.

It's tattooed like Tupac on your stomach. So anyway, that's going to wrap it up for this week, but we're going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, bubble toil and trouble, pseudo quasi alternative acupunctuating pressurized stereogram pyramidal free energy healing, water downward spiral brain dead pan sales pitch late night info docutainment. Leo Pisces cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing,

crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques, and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak

stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and information provided on this podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. All opinions are solely that of Glory Hole Studios, LLC. Cognitive dissonance makes no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information and will not be

liable for any errors, damages, or butthurt arising from consumption. All information is provided on an as-is basis. No refunds. Produced in association with the local dairy council and viewers like you. you