Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 349: Beta Males

Episode Date: March 20, 2017

Thanks to Adam Reakes for coming on the show! You can find his work below!   Check out our live show: 

Today's show is brought to you by AdamandEve.com. If you go to AdamandEve.com right now, you'll get 50% off just about any item, a free sex swing. Why are you looking at me like that, buddy? You're right there, right? Oh, because Tom. You think that's a load-bearing sex swing, buddy? Okay, it's not for Tom.

Free sex swing and free shipping if you go there and use the code GLORY at checkout. I had to fucking say something. I mean, what is up with Tom fucking talking shit about everybody's fucking state? Oh, that's a garbage state. Oh, that's a garbage state. Bro, you live in fucking Illinois.

Like, where the fuck is that anyway? I mean, nobody fucking cares. Nobody fucking cares about Illinois. You know, fucking, you guys are fucking walking around like we've seen pictures. Everybody looks like a fucking walrus eating your fucking lasagna pizza just to put on enough fucking blubber to fucking survive the frosty winter because you got negative 50 degree winds from the fucking lakes up north. Nobody wants to fucking live there.

No, I just fucking Illinois. Really have Nobody wants to fucking live there. No, I have to fucking live there. I really have to get that off my chest. Glory hole. Yes, yes. Hello, Tom and Cecil. I wanted to call in to thank my fellow German comrade for his comment about the pronunciation of Goethe-Demeron. It is offensive how you uncultured American subhumans butcher our fine German language. It is obviously, obviously too much to handle for your soft drink-soaked brains. Speaking with a sick accent is unacceptable and just demonstrates the stupidity of the speaker.

Of course, it does not matter much really, because no self-respecting German comrade would ever listen to your student program in the first place. Why do I listen, you ask? Well, I am obviously not self-respecting. Glory hole! Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from glorio studios in chicago this is cognitive Dissonance Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence To any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome at This is episode 348 of Cognitive Dissonance

And we are joined by Adam Rieks. We just did 48. I thought we did 49. We did 48. Oh, this happens every time I come on the show. This is episode 350? No, 349 because we're not going to post 349. Oh, god damn it. You're fucking with me. No, it's 349.

This is episode 349. That's what it is. I don't know, man. This is Cognitive Dissonance, the podcast. All right? It's the next one in the god damn series. That's what it is. I don't know, man. This is Cognitive Dissonance, the podcast. All right? It's the next one in the goddamn series. That's what it is. If it's tedious for you, Adam, imagine how it is for me. Jesus Christ.

Jesus. Just, you fucking, you got the show. All right? You got the fucking show. Just shut your traps and listen to it. We're joined by Adam Rieks from the Herd Mentality. I'm just going to alienate everybody. Adam Reeks from the Herd Mentality Podcast.

Adam, thanks for coming on. It's been, God fucking, like a year? Yeah. A year or longer. Oh, and the rest. A couple of years. Holy shit. Not a couple of years.

True story. No way. I think the last time I was on was. Last time you were on, Tom was still married, right? Oh, that's been a while. Oh, yes. Yeah, he manufactured a smaller person. Guess it is a couple years.

I guess it is. That's fair. Yeah. I'm manufactured. I didn't do any of that work. Fuck it. It's all outsourced now to robots. No one's surprised.

How you been? How you been, Adam? I couldn't be happier. I couldn't be happier. I couldn't be happier. We'll fix that. The world has changed. I've got a new job. I've had that for about a year, so not doing as many podcasts,

but I'm still trying to get out one a month. I took a break over Chrissy, or Christmas. You call it Chrissy? Yeah, we're lazy down here. We abbreviate everything. Chrissy? We wouldn Do you call it Chrissy? Yeah, we're lazy down here. We abbreviate everything. We wouldn't even call you Tom. It would just be Tuh. I need to move there.

I'm that lazy. This is great. That's how they say it in Bushman anyway. Tuh, tuh, tuh, tuh, tuh. That sounds fresh. That sounds fresh. So you're not doing the herd mentality as often.

Yeah. But it still exists. Yeah, okay. And I do lots of little bits and pieces, some nonsense. I think I sent you through, guys, a little audio file of Donald Trump.

Yeah. Did you get a chance to listen to that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was great. That was great, yeah. The David Smalley pieces that we've heard have been good, too. Yes, indeed. That was great. That was great, yeah. The David Smalley pieces that we've heard have been good, too.

Yes, indeed. Ah, yes. We enjoy whenever anybody needles David Smalley. Everybody enjoys it except David Smalley. That's why it's so enjoyable. That's why it's so wonderful. That's awesome. Well, we're glad to have you on.

We're happy that you're back on the show. And we're going to talk a little bit today about a couple of different pieces of business. One thing I want to start with, though, and before we sort of jump in, what is your impression of our recent elections and the brand new leader we have down here? Up here. How happy are you? Yeah, I mean, like, how does this look from really far away and probably outside of the fallout cloud? It makes one contemplate

razor blades in a warm bath. Wait, did he say wombat or warm bath? I can't. I always contemplate wombats. Razor blades and wombats. They've weaponized the wombats. Since the election, we've just been slaughtering wombats. Left, right, and center.

Those bastards. I can speak for an entire nation here, I think. Our impressions are probably not much all that different to yours. The rise of the right wing around the world hasn't been wonderful. We've had a long history of complacency with a relatively stable left government by and large, you know, around the UK or certainly the English speaking countries around the world and people don't realize how good they've had it and now there's this massive uh jump in right-wing activity and the problem is is that we're not getting the cream of the crop i love it we're not getting the cream of the crop of the right-wingers like okay great

so it is possible to be right-wing and still eloquent yeah i guess that's depressing. It is possible to be right wing and still eloquent. Yeah. I guess that's true, right? I want an eloquent Nazi. Like if I'm going to have a Nazi, when I get told to get in the fucking boxcar, I want it to be properly spoken. It hasn't impressed me. These right wingers, they're not sticking to facts. They're very good at identifying what the problems are with, say, Islam. Very good at doing that.

Offering solutions, not so much. Yeah, well, it's a little harder to come up with solutions to intractable problems, right? But every right-wing you're seeing out there has a simple solution for it. These solutions don't work, but this is the story they're telling. This is their monologue that they're sticking to. It's just not working.

So at some point, we're going to wake up to it. I think the US is beginning to do that. There's a wonderful Twitter account called Trump Regrets, at Trump Regrets. And that account just goes and retweets everyone who says, I wish I didn't vote for you. And you go and have a look at all these bios for these accounts. And they're all, you know, Trump's the greatest thing since sliced bread, can't wait for the wall, bang, bang, bang. And now they're beginning to work out, well, I'm probably going to die an early death because we don't have health care anymore.

Yeah. The new health care thing is a very different system than what they currently have. And a lot of people didn't actually even know that the ACA and Obamacare were the same thing. That is amazing. They didn't even know that those two things. And, you know, that's one of those crazy moments that you're just like, I don't know how that happens. Now, when you were talking about the rise of the right wing, haven't the right wing sort of been in power since,

uh, Jodie Foster stepped down and, and, and Australia. Yeah. Oh, you're talking about Julia Gillard. Yes.

Same lady. Yeah. And she was an atheist too. Yeah. She was okay to go. Yeah. Uh, so she was quite sensible by and large.

But the problem we did have, yes, we had Tony Abbott who came in and he's not a fan of the gay and we'll cover a story about that coming up. But he was probably identified as being a right-wing nutbag early on in the piece by the Australian electorate and he was rolled by a member of his own party called Malcolm Turnbull.

And Malcolm Turnbull is actually a very smart guy, made all his money himself. He used to run a huge internet company in Australia, a bit like AOL, but good. Useful. So it's not just free CDs. Like it's just... still got some of them and he uh he's the right guy on the wrong side so he has to because they formed a coalition to

maintain power there there are so many right wingers in his party that he has to curtail to their positions. So it's the right guy in the wrong job. I think if he was in Labor, he'd have been killing it because he's very eloquent. He's a smart guy. And if he wasn't sort of held back by the extremist elements of his party, we'd actually be getting some progress in this country. He's even on the record saying he thinks there should be marriage equality. I don't like the word gay marriage because it's marriage and it should be marriage equality. And, yeah, he's a supporter of that, but he can't act.

He can't do anything without the support of his party. So I can't see how much longer he'll maintain power because they've just had a state-based election over in WA yesterday and the right got trampled. Oh, that's great news. Yeah. So you're not going to Brexit then? Is that what you're saying?

What would we leave? I mean, where would we go? We can't become any more detached from the world. We already killed our treaty with you guys. We were going to do that Trans-Pacific one. But then Trump came in immediately and killed that one. Well, when have you ever seen anything that said made in Australia? Yeah, I know.

What good have you ever, I mean, except for Vegemite, what good have you ever purchased that said made proudly in Australia? I've never seen that. Does it even say it on there? It says that, actually. Does it say made proudly in Australia? Yeah, it says. Hang on a second. Wait, they made the yeast salt in Australia and they're proud of that?

Proudly made in Australia since 1923. And I think this tube is from 1923 so that's good pioneers of uh pioneers of anti-venom oh you need it you're the only country that uses anti-venom like a vaccine you just you're the only one who does shots of it so i would imagine well let's get started. You know, one of the things, you know, this sort of transitions directly into one of the things that we were just talking about. The first article we'd like to talk about, this is from CNBC. EPA chief Scott Pruitt says, carbon dioxide is not a primary contributor to global warming. And the reason why we chose this is because global warming

doesn't just affect the fucking United States and our dumb asses who don't fucking believe it's real. It doesn't even affect us because we don't believe it's real. That's how that works, right? It's going to affect the whole world. And, you know, we're seeing signs of it,

especially in Australia, where the reef is starting to disappear and die and things like that. But how much hotter can it get in Australia? I don't know. Like it's an easy bake oven of a country. Like you just lay a shrinky down on a rock and it's like... The Bureau of Meteorology in Australia has this year had to modify the way they do their weather maps because we ran out of hot colors. Now everything's just like a frying egg.

This is true. So you'd have sort of blue for coal and then it'd go all the way up to red. And they went, you know, we're breaking records every single day of every single month. But keep burning the coal, guys. It's pretty much all red. So we invented the color purple. Wow.

Purple is really, really fucking odd. Is that? It's obscene. You don't fry eggs. You just crack them and they're already cooked. They're already hard boiled in their shell, right? Is it even habitable down there at this point? Like what is, cause we're thinking about coming down there.

What is summer in Australia? Like, like what would November be like 140, 150 degrees? Like do proteins denature on content? Like what is everything like medium rare when you get there? Let's start. I'm recording from a fridge.

Crouched inside. We're going to have to get a very big vegetable storage container for you, Tom. Freshness day is fucked on that. That's for sure. Best if used by the past. So this EPA chief that we have does not think that global warming is a thing

no no no no no stop stop this epa chief does not think okay that's fair he thinks global warming is real just the carbon dioxide doesn't yeah doesn't contribute which means that they're not going to change any of the things that they're doing. Oh, yeah. It's just as bad. Don't get me wrong. It's just as bad. It's just dumber.

It's actually worse. Okay. Right. Great. Because it does say like, oh, yeah, there is global warming, but it's caused by mysteries. If not carbon dioxide, what does he think is causing global warming? Methane. Kangaroo farts.

It's probably you guys. Methane, like I said. Well, no, that's actually a real answer. I was kind of hoping you'd go for some sort of cheap gag there. But no, methane, because New Zealand, for example, has more sheep than human beings living there. Three? It has three. They have methane coming out their asses all day, every day.

Same deal over here. We've got all sorts of... Same deal in Glorion Studios. More sheep than people, methane coming everywhere. It's pretty much New Zealand. So this EPA guy who's now running the show, clearly a smart cookie, where did he come from? What's his background? Scott Pruitt was a lawyer

and a Republican politician from... Oh, Jesus. Yep. So he's a politician. That's what his... Well, that's good. His qualifiers are he's a politician. Now look under his education, which is early life and education. He has a bachelor's

degree in political science and communications. And he's got a law degree. He has the word science in that degree, and that probably gives him this false sense of sciencing. Do you need to be a scientist to be the leader of the EPA, though?

To be the leader of the scientist group? Wait a minute, hold on. Can I summarize that? Do you need to be a dog to be in charge of the EPA, though? To be the leader of the scientist group? Wait a minute. Hold on. Can I summarize that? Like, do you need to be a dog to be in charge of the other sled dogs? Like, I mean, it helps. It fucking helps. Jesus Christ. We're going to get an email like,

actually, the driver of the sled thing is in charge. The sled thing? Whatever they call it. The Iditarod or whatever. Yeah, no, he has no qualifications. Zero qualifications. He's basically just white.

Yeah, he's just a white guy. He's a guy who bought a really expensive dinner at a Trump thing. Yeah, right? So he could come down for a holiday at Australia and just blend in with the reef here now like a chameleon. It's just so bleached. Pauline Hanson, who's one of our right wing nutbags over here, she went out to a part of the reef that wasn't bleached

for this sort of five minute documentary, went for a dive and came up and said, no, it's all good. Oh my God. Nothing to worry about here. Yeah. So she probably has just as many qualifications in this particular field as this dude.

Wow. And you guys have a lot of coal down there, right? Like that's one thing. We're doing our level best to dig it up and get rid of it. Yeah. So you're not responsible for the coal you dig up and give to other people or sell to other people. No, because if it gets burned in China and kills off all the kitties, then it's hardly our concern. Well, I've seen pictures of China, you know, in the summertime.

It looks like nothing bad is happening with all that coal burning, right? Yeah, you can't see anything. I mean, that's the thing. I didn't see any problems. It's like looking at a giant velvet curtain. It's like basically somebody spray painted your eyes. It's like it's that thick. It's ridiculous.

Just stand there with bleeding eyelids and scraping out the mercury so i guess like i guess what i want to know is like all right so you're down in your you know giant garbage country or whatever how scared are you like because i'm pretty scared here like here and terrified yeah because i am actually the population live within 100 kilometers of the ocean in Australia. So it's not just these little Pacific islands around the South Pacific that are at risk of being flooded. And then we have to help these people get displaced. We're just going to offer them free swimming lessons. This is how to be cheaper.

This is how you tread water. So many people in Australia live right around the coast. They just don't get it. The politicians, to keep the economy afloat, are all about, you know, let's get the coal burning. Let's ship it off to other places. We've got all this iron ore in the middle of Australia that we don't know what to do with. So we'll send that over to China or India, these two hugely populated developing

countries, so they can build their infrastructure. And what does iron ore require? It requires enormous amounts of electricity to manufacture steel. And carbon, yeah. We all live on this one shared ecosystem. Yes, we're terrified. It doesn't matter where the coal gets burned, it still goes to the same place. And there's no meaningful action taking place. And even less so now because this new EPA chief over in the States just got rid of all the sensible stuff that was stopping everyone from dying Chinese style. I believe that you're not allowed to call it Chinese style anymore. It's called crisscross applesauce. The worst

part about dying Chinese style is you're totally hungry for dying like 20 minutes later. Alright, so we want to talk about this story. This is from LGBTQ Nation. Christian group event sabotaged by thousands of obscene RSVPs. Um, and when I first read this,

I just thought, God fucking Cecil, really thousands. You sent in thousands. We can't take you anywhere. Yeah. I'm the one who sent, this is your open table.

Like of the two of us, I'm the one that got me there. You got me there. Yeah. Yeah. They call it, they call it, they call it the disappointing. I'm the one that will get blamed for this. You got me there. They call it disappointing. I'm not even going to go there.

Disappointing thing about this article, and then I'll turn it over to you, Adam, because this is from Australia, which I think is a country or an island. I get mixed up. The disappointing thing about this article is they say there's thousands of these obscene RSVPs, but they don't give you away a link to any of them.

So I've been researching. Oh, you have? How delightful. thousands of these obscene RSVPs, but they don't give you away a link to any of them. So I can log in. So I've been researching. Oh, you have? How delightful. So Adam, I'm going to turn this over to you. Well, a little bit of context. So there's an event by a guy called Lyle Shelton. We'll find out a little bit more about Lyle later.

But he's a perpetual victim, this guy. And which is not true. He's not a perpetual victim? Well, he's... Is it like a perpetual motion machine? It's like it's a bit of a myth? Yeah, we could harness that Christian sadness. Bottle it. And, yeah, he set up this event to go and talk about,

well, how much we don't like people who put their penises in other people. And okay, let's set up a site so you can come and RSVP to come along to this event. And there's a comedian in Australia called Pauline Pantsdown who is a caricature of Pauline Hanson who is the leader of the One Nation Party in Australia. And thousands of people, I think it was about 30-something thousand,

40-odd thousand people, went and RSVP'd to this event. And there were some pretty classy names, the usuals, IP Daily, Blue Waffle, Vile Snelton. Lucille Sphincter was one of my, because no one ever calls anyone Lucille apart from Lucille Ball, and so it's always abbreviated to Lucy. So Lucy Sphincter, which I liked.

Ben Dover, Hugh Buttplug. My favorite, I think, was Dwayne Pipe. I like that. That's great. Munch McCoochie, which sounds exotic. Peter Fitzpatrick, Patrick Fitzpeter, and Peter Fitzeveryone. So those guys all turned up. And Ray Sist.

So all these people RSVP'd to go to this event. Now, Lyle got quite upset about this, as you can imagine, and as a result, he's had to go and hire three bodyguards at this event to protect against 40-odd thousand people who aren't coming. Yeah, he hired bodyguards

because somebody basically called him a duty head? I mean, that's what happens here. Bodyguards. three bodyguards. What does he think is going to happen to him? Like somebody's going to come out and be like, huge ass. He's like, oh no. And he's going to have to dive for cover because somebody's going to hurl a mean name at him.

Does he not actually understand how mean names work? Can I see your ID, please? Lyle's vile bile trial. Everything checks out. You can come in. Lyle himself, 69% of his tweets, an amusing number, yes, I agree, are

anti-LGBT. So somebody went and analysed his Twitter feed. So I think this is probably fair that 40,000 people piled on there and RSVP'd to an event that they're not going to. But more to the point, the Australian Christian Lobby fights so hard against progress.

The average age of suicide for a transgender person in Australia, and they're the highest category, is 16 years old. Oh, my God. This is a network that needs a huge amount of support. Now, what the Australian government did was we introduced a program called Safe Schools, which it does exactly what it sounds like. You go to school. You get taught about empathy, how to treat other people. It's okay to be gay. And what that means to Lyle Shelton is they're teaching all the kids how to be

gay. Now, pretty confident there's no classes that instruct how that's done. Be an interesting one to go to. It's always funny when they think that. They think like, if you see a gay person doing a gay thing, you're going to become gay. And you're just like, are you unfamiliar with your own sexuality?

Because it's always shocking to me. It's like, if I see a gay person, I'm just like, okay, well, great. I'm not gay. I just don't even think about things like that. It just never even occurs to me. And just as crazily, it only seems to work in that one direction. Like it will turn heterosexuals gay, but everywhere I go in the world, I see heterosexual like sex or sexuality. Wouldn't that just turn all the gay people

heterosexual? It's just more of it. Yeah. It only works in the gay direction. They only believe this works in the gay direction, which means they're more enticed by the gay. So when I was 17, I went and lived in France on student exchange. And I was the second student in the world, I think, to go and live with two host daddies. So a gay couple. Best year of my life. Just awesome time. They, obviously, due to the nature of their biology,

were unable to have their own children. So they bring in students from overseas. And even after living in the same house, getting up every morning, walking downstairs and seeing them kiss, good morning, after 10 months of exposure i'm still not gay well just a little right like you're not even just like a little gay like you're not just like just the tip like gay you know what i mean like just put it in for a second gay you're not just no wait a minute really 10 months of exposure you're not even just a little gay so and that's their argument. You know, giving gay parents access to kids is not a good thing.

And I disagree greatly. It just gave me such a broader understanding in a short period of time as to how other people function. And now I spend very little time thinking about gay sex, less so than before. But I'll tell you who is thinking more about gay sex, and, well, that's our good friend Lyle Shelton from the Australian Christian Lobby. So how about I just flick you over an audio file, a little splinter view, so we can get to know who Lyle is.

Stand by. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to The Cognitive Mentality. Joining us today is gender-fluid enthusiast from the Australian Christian Lobby, Lyle Shelton. Lyle, welcome to the showognitive Mentality. Joining us today is gender-fluid enthusiast from the Australian Christian Lobotomy, Lyle Shelton. Lyle, welcome to the show. Pleasure. You're very brave mixing religion and politics. That's what we do here. Now, how's Jesus going? Let's put Jesus aside for a moment, and you and I are great fans of him.

Confirmed. Now, I wasn't kidding when I described you as a gender-fluid enthusiast earlier, as there are two meanings here. And this is not a gay-straight issue. Well, there's's that and there's also the other definition of fluid to consider come exactly many christian leaders before you you're a proponent of making man juice easier to obtain anonymous sperm donation is a good thing but the acl policy itself is as confused as ken hammered a biology lecture what's the official? I'm not wanting to propose anything against any fellow Australians. People have a right to live their lives as they see fit in a free society like Australia.

But I do think there is an issue with changing the definition of marriage. But your off-the-record opinion differs slightly. There is no practical inequality against gay couples in Australia. Equally bafflingling let's discuss the topic of christians worming their way into public schools i think most of us would recognize it probably hasn't been for the better spot on there this is a massive issue apart from the injustice that it creates for children in terms of teaching nonsensical stuff as fact or the tens of thousands of innocent children who have been the unwilling recipients of sperm donation by Christian leaders.

This is a resource for four-year-olds. Not a good one. We're often accused of doing other things. Disgraceful. And also the reason there's currently a Royal Commission into Sexual Abuse in Australia. But the education thing, the community of Christian volunteers who will be teaching the children, do they have the tools to educate? Given the knowledge gap in the community, I think there's a big task ahead.

Finally, unsubstantiated claims of gay ACL orgies have surfaced, rumoured to have been attended by Ray Comfort himself. Now, sources say he was on a desk, mooning attendees with a show of substandard rectal hygiene. I think what's on the table is a reasonable thing. I think the date is a problem. Not difficult to resolve with some WD-40 and a chisel, though. He's a hero. Oh, Shelton, thanks for your time. Thank you, Christina. Any final thoughts? Religion should never assert its beliefs.

But does that give you a better appreciation of who Lyle is? It does. It really does. He seems like a great man. He seems like a good, good person who doesn't like gay people. Doesn't like them at all. So, Adam, if people were going to find your podcast and your work, where would they go? You'd head to herdmentalitypodcast.com and hit the little subscribe button there for iTunes or Stitcher.

And you can catch a periodic episode where I interview complete strangers and make fun of idiots. Well, thanks for joining us today, Adam. Thanks for taking the time out to come on the show. It's been too long. Yeah, it has, man. We'll call you in a few more years. Guys, thank you very much for having me on and have a wonderful life. So Tom, let's talk for a moment about our sponsor, adamandeve.com. We have a flyer here that we're looking at where this woman is in a sex swing looking terribly seductive. It's Valentine's Day and nothing says Valentine's like flowers, chocolates, and tying a woman against the door and begging the ever-loving shit out of her. And you can get that free sex swing

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I will break your neck. Alex Jones challenges scumbag Alec Baldwin. Scumbag is in single quotes there. It is single quotes. So he's not necessarily a scumbag. It's not confirmed. It's not confirmed. It could be fake news.

His scumbag status. Was he wiretapped in quotes too? Scumbag Alex Jones. Oh no, it's Alec Baldwin. Alec Baldwin to a bare knuckles fight. I actually say, but we got to play this video because it's amazing. But I want to say like, I like that he specifies that the fight is bare knuckles.

That's because he's a bear. A gay bear. So this is amazing. What? We're not going to play the whole thing. He gets through about half of it. Then he starts burping up jalapeno peppers. No shit.

No shit. I'm not even kidding. And then he starts talking about somebody named Jack Weber. And I don't know what he's talking about. So we're going to stop it when he starts talking about Jack Weber, but there's stuff about Alec Baldwin we're going to talk about. And live from New York, it's Starlight Hour!

And all those beta males. Beta males? Fucking cucks. That's a term I learned at the Red Pill or whatever. I love it when guys call other people beta males. The only people that get mad when somebody calls them a beta male is somebody who's so insecure in their own masculinity that they get mad when somebody calls them a beta male is somebody who's so insecure in their own

masculinity that they get mad when somebody calls them a beta male. I can't even imagine somebody calling. In the days of yore when we used to fist fight for berries, maybe that was a thing. But we don't do that anymore. A beta male. A beta male.

But here's the thing. They don't even make those anymore. The thing is, first of all, you can only get one in a fish bowl. Because otherwise they fight. It's a whole thing. I'm trying to even understand the context in which you would use that as an insult

against somebody. It would just be you'd have to go out of your way. It just shows how much of a douchebag you are when you use the insult. That's what I mean yourself right it's so fucking weird and niche and it's like really really we're doing this now it's fucking clown like oh you know what i yeah right like oh my minecraft guy i'll beat up your minecraft guy i don't know i have a whole castle in my you have no idea how powerful i am in the land of mine right i've got full diamond armor or something i don't like fucking whatever your whole beta alpha

male theory garbage you just you just made it up and it's it's it's the reason that you give to yourself why women don't want to fuck you that's exactly right that's exactly what it's like women don't want to fuck you because you're awful that. That's exactly what it is. Like women don't want to fuck you because you're awful. That's why. It's not because there's a bunch of alpha males in your way or beta males like fucking white knighting their way

into the fucking pussy or whatever. Not being awful. Just stop being the worst. See how that works for you. Alec Baldwin thinks he's a tough guy. I challenge him a million dollars to charity he wants to get in the ring with me. Bare knuckle.

I will. I'll do it right now. I'll get in the ring with you and I will break your jaw. I will knock your teeth out. I will break your nose and I will break your neck. Holy shit. That's aggressive. I feel like they need a referee in this ring. Somebody could do that in four moves. They've been training with Steven Seagal, I think. I think they've been training with

Steven Seagal. Be like, pop, pop, pop, pop, and then Alex Baldwin's toothless body falls to the ground. And there's big, tough guy, Alex Jones picking beta male teeth out of his knuckles. Knuckles.

Alex Jones would be a fucking scary dude to fight because he's so crazy. Cause he's just so crazy. He would bite you and shit. This is, this is, this is fucking,

you know, going to take place in the land of Hanalee though. You know what I mean? Like it's all right. It's all made up. It's super easy. It's super easy to threaten somebody else on your TV show with something that's never going to fucking happen. Yeah.

It'd be like, you know, like, Oh yeah. Well, you know, it's like all the people with the fucking, it's,

this is a pro this is a prophecy that can never come true. Yeah. Right. So you could talk as big as you want. You could be as big a tough guy as you want on your little show. Alex Baldwin's probably never going to hear this. That's number one. But even if he did,

he's certainly not stupid enough to be like, yeah, why don't we fight? What is it? What's it like when a million dollars gets donated to charity and you get in a if he did he's certainly not stupid enough to be like yeah why don't we fight a mil right what is what's it like when a million dollars gets donated to charity and you get in a ring and you you fist fight some money what is it the past yeah do we take 10 paces away from each other first do i have to hold one fist by my cheek and one straight out i've got to curl my mustache in comical fashion. Does anybody have any pomade for my hair? I'm a Dapper Dan man.

Like, really? You coward. You think you're a tough guy messing with little cameraman people. You want to sit there and defame me and the president? Get in a ring with me. I will break your jaw in seconds. It's a joke. He's a comedian. Calm down.

He's making jokes. Jesus. Your reaction to somebody gently teasing you is to fucking flip like you're this beta male of a guy that you fucking see that's how you use it. Is that you fucking flip shit when somebody pokes you a little.

Dude you're so beta. You're so beta you're omega. I will smash your nose into a bloody pulp and I will rack your teeth out I like that he mimed this is what it looks like he does he rock'em sock'em

robots here look at his face right now this is how you make the punchy face my fists are gonna be bleeding with your teeth marks all over them

you freaking bully you coward he's so mad bully he's so mad wait he's not the one who fucking threatens someone with physical violence. Are you going to make him do your geometry homework too, you asshole? What a fucking twat.

He's a bully because he was on Saturday Night Live making fun of public people. That's the whole shtick of the show. The show's been on for fucking a gajillion years. They make fun of everyone. That's the shtick. Suddenly,. This show's been on for fucking a gajillion years. They make fun of everyone. That's the shtick. Suddenly, comedians, what are they supposed to do? Get up there and be like, what about air travel?

Like, really? That bit's been fucking done. I hate you. My listeners hate you. And remember that, scumbag, forever. Way to take a joke with grace. Could you imagine this guy getting roasted? Oh, he's going to get torn apart at the fucking the White House Press Conference.

He's going to get this guy is going to he's going to implode. He's going to turn into the guy from fucking Big Trouble in Little China. And his face is going to go and he's going to blow up. And his face is going to go. And he's going to blow up. I get a feeling. And no shit. I get a feeling that he, in his heart of hearts, really thinks that he's the Hulk.

That if he gets angry enough, that he'll turn green and be able to smash. That's for sure. He's the Red Hulk. He changes color. There is now. We're going to defeat this anti-human scum we're gonna wreck their world when i come back we'll look at the coward at homeland he's just yelling at nobody that's my favorite part he's just like calling it the moon this guy the camera the camera guy's even scurrying away from him at this point so you guys can't see this but this is great the camera is panning back so he's just sitting at a desk by himself

grunting and yelling at an empty studio he's gonna he's so crazy he's gonna he's gonna throw a bone at an obelisk brr, brr, brr, brr, brr. And you would scoff. Brr, brr. Oh, I was just joking when I said I'd break Alec Baldwin's back. Or neck. I meant that metaphorically. Just like it's a joke when they say that I told Donald Trump black people aren't humans.

How dare you? You're an idiot. You missed the joke. He missed the joke. The joke in the saturday night live skit and you'll have to see the saturday night live skit tom and i watched the saturday night live skit before this happened i watched earlier today the saturday night live skit is not saying that alex jones may has said that black people are the aliens it's trump is so

stupid and racist in this the depiction of him is that he chooses the black people as the aliens. Right. That's the joke is that Trump even misunderstood your misinformation. That's the joke. And Alex Jones, his entire part is to be a source of bad information, right? That's it.

Yeah. He, he, he, he doesn't even understand what he's being lampooned about because he's so insanely hyperbolic all the time that he is satirical of himself. Right. He cannot.

He's at a point where he simply cannot be exaggerated to the point of effect. He can't be. He is the point of effect. Oh, I know you feel sorry for yourself when I make a statement like that. You'll probably be in the news. Alex Jones threatens Alec Baldwin. You can't get up there and say you learned from me that black people aren't humans asshole excuse me delay that

oh that's so funny uh cecil does that to me all the time i gotta go back and go back and edit that it's so funny he edits himself i'm just getting sick of these people. I really am starting to get tired of them. Because I watched that five minute clip. It took me 30 minutes to start and stop it. I was eating jalapenos during the break. He's losing it. So guys,

here's what's happening. He's got like a fucking, he's got like a handkerchief. He looks like that guy who dips the pepper in the water and eats the pepper and then like starts like hiccuping and like fucking chili cloths. He's very hot. It's very hot, but it's very flavorful. And then he just like his body dies inside every time he eats one of these really hot peppers. It's the same thing.

When you eat a pepper that hot, it's like shedding an internal snake skin. He's like mopping his brow with the fucking thing and he's like rubbing the hanky on his face and he keeps on like burping and he's like Why would you eat jalapenos on your break during a

televised program if you can't handle eating jalapenos? Why would you be eating on your break anyway? But it's just like a way, by the way, when he got a break. It's like this is a food he clearly can't handle, right? It clearly, this is not his food of choice. He's like, I choked on the wrong food. He's dying. The rock. The rock. The rock food. He's dying.

He's like a test. He's like. Those jalapenos would challenge him to a bare knuckle fight in the ring and win. They already did. They did. Yeah. He just I love that. He just misses the whole concept. He doesn't understand the joke at all. They already did. They did. Yeah, he just, I love that he just misses the whole concept. He doesn't understand

the joke at all. And I'm sitting there watching this crap meant to create destruction of our society. And I'm not mad at Baldwin. No, you just want to I just want to reach down

his throat and pull out his spot. I'm not mad at him. I just said I would pick his teeth out of my fist. Imagine if he got mad at them. No kidding. Right? And his cowardly riders because they're even attacking me.

Even you? Look at the headline. Fake comedy. Oh my God. Isn't that awesome? No, bro. I watched it. It's real comedy.

Pro-globalist propaganda. It's genuine comedy. It's just at your expense, so you're fucking super sad about it. But it's the same thing as Trump, right? If it's at their expense, they label it fake. They're actually to the point where they can't identify whether they're just being criticized

or whether something's even real. Like if it's real, they're just like, ah, it's fake. We're even going to point that to comedy now? Comedy's all fake. It's all fake. There's no real aliens that are coming to Earth and invading. Zorblatt 9 did not vaporize California. That's part of the game here, guys.

We're creating an alternative universe. That's the joke. Right? Tom, Tom, Tom, I'm not crazy. Am I going crazy? Am I tripping, Tom? Buddy, I feel it all the time. Am I tripping?

No. Well, you may be. I don't want to put it past you. You may be. I'm sick of the world they're making for our kids. The world they're making? It'd probably be the one that's better than the one you're making, the one without an atmosphere.

What the fuck? I'm sick of the world they're making without kids. What we're trying to do is make a world that continues with our kids in it. Like, I'm concerned. You can just stop with continues. Right. Okay. Yeah.

Fair enough. No, I mean, I think there'll still be a world in the sense that I don't think we'll crack the whole thing in two. Absolutely. Yeah. But I do think we'll render the outside useless. We're uninhabited. There's still a world.

We're still here. I love that guy. I love him. He's great. I love that guy. I love him. He's great. I'm going to tear on his face. I'm going to fuck it. I'm going to carve his face off and I'm going to fuck it and I'm going to wear it. You coward.

You coward. You're inhuman scum. I don't dislike Alex Jones or Alec Baldwin. I just want to murder his children. like Alex Jones or Alec Baldwin. I just want to murder his children. I'm going to start at the feet of your wife and carve every ounce of her flesh off. And then I'm going to eat it

and then I'm going to shit it out and then I'm going to put it back on her body. You cow, you bully, you bully. You globalist bullies. Abortions for all. Very well. bullies abortions for all very well no abortions for anyone abortions for some miniature american flags for others this is a story from dallasnews.com texas men would face a fine for masturbating and need a rectal exam for Viagra under proposed law.

Hold on. Can I get the rectal exam while masturbating? Cause I'm going for distance here. I'm going for speed. Hey, she's all alone in a time of need. That's a sick cake reference oh man take that fucking grew up in the 90s um so this i i love this because um this is one of those bills that's like yeah it's never gonna pass it's intended not to pass it's funny joke though but right but i like these spoof bills yeah you know it's like

because they highlight absurdities this is like the satanism i was gonna say the same thing yeah yep i'll just say the same thing it's they they they take they take what's already happening they flip it just a little bit right they just they take the same thing they pull out the script and they change the nouns and they say okay yeah great story let's do the same thing this way and all of a sudden it's like wow wow that's ridiculous. Wait a minute. So state representative Jessica Farrar, if she has her way, it says men in Texas will pay a $100

fine for quote unregulated masturbatory emissions and undergo a digital rectal exam to get a vasectomy, a colonoscopy or a Viagra prescription. I thought a $100 fine. And then I immediately logged

onto my bank account. And I did a little math and I thought, I could do without paying my car payment. I'm like, I'm scaling it back. I'm like, alright, I don't need heat. I'll downsize my living accommodations.

We definitely have to keep the Juergens in the budget. You go grocery shopping, it's nothing but tissue, Juergens, and fucking ramen noodles. You're like, I got to pay a lot of fines. A lot of fines, I don't know. I want to repart this. part is it says men seeking a vasectomy a colonoscopy or a viagra prescription would first undergo a medically unnecessary digital rectal exam and a magnetic resonance imaging of the rectum per farrar's bill after the exam the men would have to wait at least 24 hours before they could get the procedure or the prescription they wanted isn't that so fucking funny it's really good i love it i think that is

so good that is so great they also um they also have to hold the cum in their hand before they flush it and they have to name it name it off each one they're like okay carl i'm gonna put you in this kleenex and send you to a watery grave with all your other 10 000 brothers or alternatively you can just jerk off using one of those baby monitors, but just put it in the room of somebody you don't like. So they have to listen to you. Oh, that's I,

you've got choices. I kind of do that already. Well, is that findable yet? Not yet, but there's another bill that will pass that makes it that way. I also want to knock it on your door. I want to return this baby.

No, it's like the box from, from the tw return this baby monitor. No, it's like the box from the Twilight Zone. Instead of a button, it's just here. Jesus. Gosh. We get it done. I'll tell you what, man.

It sounds that you made it. It's like a Jetson car. You know what I mean? Work gets done. I also want to point out the unregulated masturbatory emissions sort of implies that you can apply for some kind of a permit maybe you can get a tax deduction for your

regulation you gotta take your dick to emissions and get it tested. Sorry, are you having... Are you having nocturnal emissions? Not since I was 16. Yeah, but if it were to happen, you'd be like, fuck, I didn't have a fucking permit

for this. God damn it. You're cleaning up your oil spill as quick as you can. You're scrubbing it off ducks. You just like. You got to get Don from behind the counter at the pharmacy all fucking shame faced. You need the Don again, don't you, Lou? Shut up. What if the Ten Commandments were reinforced?

Thou shalt not murder. What if that had been his daily dose of moral instruction and spiritual instruction? Now, who knows if things could have been different. So this is from the Patheos blog, friendly atheist blog, and specific, it's in specific? Specifically, in particular. Christ. Piscati.

I'm doing a terrible job. This is Gordon Klingenschmidt. Exposure to the Ten Commandments would free atheists from demonic influence. So this is that asshole that was a former Colorado State House member. And then he was also a chaplain. Yeah. If you recall. He was like in the army or maybe or something.

And then he got kicked out for being terrible. But he still wears his chaplain-y outfit. He's kind of like that coach guy who's still like, I'm the coach. I'm the coach. I'm always not a chaplain. All right. So's kind of like that coach guy who's still like, I'm the coach. I'm the coach. I'm always the chaplain. Not a chaplain. All right, so here's Mr. Klingenschmitt. Let's take a moment

and discern the spirits. What does that even mean? Tom, Tom. What? You and I never discern the spirits together anymore. Why don't we? You're ruining our relationship.

That's what's ruining it? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Of all the shit that I do, and specifically don't do yeah the reach around is a big deal in this story you see human actors here's this woman and her daughter

and you see the ten commandments and you have the school district and their officials and there's lawyers involved on both sides where are the spirits in this story? Where's the spirit of God? Well, wait a minute. I mean, you can't start a story just by naming a bunch of characters. You have to have a fucking setting, maybe a little goddamn exposition in here.

You can't just be like, well, a priest. A climax. How about a verb? How about a climax? How about a climax? That's a verb? Tell me more about this woman. Where are the demonic spirits? Well, they're invisible things you made up well people you can walk up to in tax and here's what's going to

happen you're going to tell us where all the invisible things are in about 30 seconds let me guess they're up here in the space area or they're like hiding in a rock that somebody carved nice words into or maybe they're not in the rock if the rock didn't have good words you like in the right order in them or something. Or maybe he came down and broke one of those rocks, and now you only have 10 instead of 15. God, it's all fucking crazy. You sound crazy already! You can tell by looking at the morality of the human actors involved. For example, we know from the Bible that God gave Moses the Ten Commandments, including

thou shalt not kill, and other things. He doesn't know the other ones. You know right now, he's like, well, okay, alright, I know there's one about an ass coveting something. He gets mad if we make statues, right? He's like super

jealous. Is that another one? The first four are just, I'm totes jealous. Right? You better not cheat on me. That's what the first four are. I've got your fucking Facebook GPS app locator thing. Later on, it's like, don't be envious.

I'm jealous, but you can't be. Basically, the Ten Commandments commandments are do as i say not as i do right because he gets to kill all he wants he mother fucker kills like a son of a kills literally everybody that he makes and adultery fucks mary right right yeah he's does he steal is there any stealing does god steal He stole that poonah from Mary. Now, these are good ideas that we ought to teach children. That's kind of the purpose of education in some ways is to teach them morality. It would take a minute to teach a child the four or five.

It would take one minute. And even the dullest, most fucking heavily brain damaged child could basically understand don't steal shit stop lying about things and maybe don't kill anyone couldn't you just simplify that down to the you know the golden rule well and we do you know like it's super easy you don't have to i don't explain to you that you shouldn't kill people i should just tell you treat people how you want to be treated, right? That's a super easy way for people to understand empathy, right? Because that's sort of like

how we define our empathy is like, look, I don't want to be treated badly, so I don't treat other people badly. Right. That's it. That's the extent of it. And included in that is stealing from other people. Included in that is banging somebody else's, you know, wife or whatever.

Included in that is. Unless they're good with it. Unless they're good. That's fine. That's totally fine. Or, you know, killing people. Right. Hurting other people.

You know, you notice, you notice it doesn't say thou shalt not punch somebody in the nose and break their nose and break their back. It doesn't get to say that. Right. It just says don't kill him. That's true. Why doesn't it say don't inflict pain on somebody else? Because pain's okay. Right.

There's a thousand problems with the Ten Commandments. It's that they are specific enough. You wasted six of them on other shit that doesn't even matter. They're specific enough to be pointless and they're're specific enough to be uh pointless and they're not general enough to be useful yeah which is the problem right it's like don't do these things presumes then that things that fall outside yeah these prescriptions are then allowable so when you get specific like the the beauty of the the golden rule right is that it's not specific

it's general enough that it's relatively easily applied. It would even be easily applied by a psychopath or a sociopath, right? If I'm a sociopath and I follow the golden rule and I don't like to be tortured, even if I don't actually have any moral ambiguity about torture, just because I don't like torture, if I followed the golden rule, I wouldn't torture people, right? Because I don't want to be my fucking nuts electrode or whatever, right? Yeah, exactly, right. So it would work even if all the other, you know, safe words. Even if all the other parts of you are broken.

The safe words. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Fuck! My balls! Do you smell hair?

Oh, God. Even if all of them are broken, I'm sorry. I interrupted you with a ball scrotum on fire joke. Oh, God. Even if all of them are broken, I'm sorry. I interrupted you with a ball scrotum on fire joke. I'm actually 100% okay with that 100% of the time. It's just that a general rule like that is just better applied. It's just that it doesn't make a great story if Moses came down and was like, Stop being an asshole!

He said so. And yet here is this little girl and God bless her. Maybe she's put up to it by her atheist mother or the atheist lawyers or whatever. But this little girl has a violent reaction to something in the Ten Commandments. No, he's misunderstanding the case. The injury comes from her not being able to go to school. It's not that she's injured by the Ten Commandments. No, he's misunderstanding the case. The injury comes from her not being able to go to school. It's not that she's injured by the Ten Commandments. The injury that they're citing

is that she's not able to go to school because those are there and her parents won't let her go to school at a place that doesn't follow the establishment clause. Yeah, right. This is an issue where

the school is an instrument of the state, right? Yeah. So the school is funded by the state. school is an instrument of the state, right? Yeah. So the school is funded by the state. It's an instrument of the state. And the school is clearly supporting one set of religious ideas over all other sets of religious ideas by having a set of Ten Commandments on its grounds. Right. Except that the establishment clause is a meaningless holdover from days gone by. The parent has said, okay, I don't want to send my school to, or my child, to a school that is run by a state which supports one specific religious belief over others. And the injury is her not going to school.

Right. Not that she is being injured by the Ten Commandments. You're misunderstanding. She's misunderstanding the word injury. The word injury. Right. What is that thing inside of her her or more specifically inside of her mother and certainly inside of the freedom from religion foundation lawyers oh yes of course it's demons yeah that's why they're injured it's demons yeah because because demons somehow are afraid of

the ten commandments we live in a christian nation shouldn't the demons just be like fuck stay away from there right like you know what it should be like a protective bubble with as many christians as we have that live here. It's like that scene from The Simpsons from a long time ago. It's like, whenever something like that happens, a wizard did it. These guys are like,

whenever somebody disagrees with me, a demon did it. You know what's interesting to me is like, you go to these, like, if the demons are upset by the Ten Commandments, then how are they getting people into churches and exercising them? Right. You know what I mean? Like, shouldn't the church be even worse than the Ten Commandments, then how are they getting people into churches and exercising them? Right.

You know what I mean? Like, shouldn't the church be even worse than the Ten Commandments? How does the demon even get in there? Like, shouldn't they, like, walk up to the church and the demon's just like, fuck that,

and then, like, they start shaking and freaking out and they fall and pass out outside? I don't understand because some of the demons seem incredibly powerful in this mythology. Sure.

And some of the demons seem like fucking giant beta demons. Beta demons. You know, terribly beta demons. There fucking giant beta demons beta you know terribly beta demons there's the omega demons those are good though they have they have they have oils that that lets you live those are fish demons omega three omega three demons what is that thing inside of them that hates the word of god so much that it causes them to have psychological injury and trauma. That's not the school district. It's the demonic spirit inside of them.

That is what needs deliverance and healing. And honestly, they should have more exposure to the Ten Commandments. Yeah, because if not, then during milk break, all the kids' heads spin around and they puke it all out. And do you know the answer? Your mother sucks cocks in hell. Yes, that's right, Johnny. She does. But do you know the answer? Mrs. sucks cocks in hell. Yes, that's right, Johnny. She does.

But do you know the answer? Mrs. Johnson, I want to see your pussy. I'm going to break his neck. Alex Jones has a demon in him. He's all demon. Maybe the problem with Alex Jones, he has a demon outside of him. Like instead of like climbing in, it's just on top. It's all fucking. whenever he sheds his red

skin glossy you want answers I think I'm entitled you want answers I want the truth you can't handle the truth so this story comes to right wing watch instantaneous healings and noteworthy miracles are occurring regularly at Rick

Joyner's church yeah that's because they all use all those healings use Metamucil. So they're very regular. Those are not healings. They're very regular. They are very regular. I mean, don't get me wrong. I've taken some shits that have felt like a miracle. I've been like, woo! Yes!

Free at last! Free at last! Oh, lordy! We are free at last! But I eat a lot of protein. Jesus Christ. Free at last. Oh, Lordy. We are free at last. But I ate a lot of protein. Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. And now I know. Now I know how the religious people feel when something's defiled in their tradition.

Because I have a feeling that you just defiled the fuck out of that speech. I'm so mad. Just celebrate a good poop. A good poop. Yeah. I have a feeling that you just defiled the fuck out of that speech. I'm so mad. You defiled it. Just celebrate a good poop. A good poop. Yeah. Yeah, that's. Well, I don't have one of Heath's squatty potties.

So, you know, it's still a. You ever think of shit so satisfying you want to spike a football when you're done? Or like weigh yourself before and after? You're going to fuck a unicorn when it's finished. You weigh yourself after. You're like, I dropped four pounds taking that shit jesus christ that's some power shit you were pregnant all right so here's rick joiner in his fucking elton john sunglasses he's gonna play a song on the fucking piano for us it It was quite a one-two punch this morning. What was he? Was he talking to Alex Jones? We had noteworthy miracles.

We had noteworthy miracles? Non-noteworthy miracles. It's just a regular miracle. Don't even write it down. Diane, don't even take a note of this. The non-noteworthy ones are like, you found your keys. Still a miracle. No, Rick, that's just, you found your keys. Still a miracle. No, Rick, that's just, you found your keys.

You remembered to DVR the bowls. You took the pot roast out of the fridge and you put it on the counter for work. That's a miracle. Praise Jesus. I didn't burn the meatloaf hallelujah hallelujah we are saved you remember to take out a little bit of money so you could give a dollar to the

coke girl it's a miracle Jesus it's a not noteworthy miracle. It's a miracle you're just bored by after a while.

He's like, oh, the same one? Really? You fucking one-trick pony Jesus. No one even cares anymore. Oh, let me guess. I got plenty of spaghetti for my teenagers or whatever that fucking bitch. Skitty.

I've been making this with skitty. And I made more with skitty. Remember when she was like, and I had a pair of shoes that lasted a real long time. Do you remember that shit? That's a no-no, pretty miracle. My shoes lasted a long time. That's serious. So you remember that shit?

My shoes lasted a long time. That's serious. So you remember that shit? We believe we're moving into a supernatural season where, if needed, God will multiply food. I have seen God multiply food more than one time when I was cooking. I mean, when my kids were little, they were always bringing their friends into the house. And I remember, you know, spooning out spaghetti or whatever, just praying in the spirit over that. And God just made more and more and more. You know, I've seen oil multiply as I was praying for the sick. I've seen bottles of oil just fill up about a cup at a time of oil. Remember when

we drove our car in Weatherford Decord? I mean, on one set of tires, we had, how many miles was it? I mean, maybe. Yeah, way, way beyond what could ever happen with one set of tires. I mean, I remember one time I had a pair of shoes that I wore and wore and wore and wore. And it just, just for years, the shoes did not wear out. And I wore them years and years and years. So, you know, sometimes God is saying little epiphanies to us, little things to us, but we don't know how to listen to His

voice. My car lasted a long time without an oil change. One time, not that long ago, I was driving down the expressway and I had moved my GPS in front of my gas gauge. And I was driving along and I ran out of gas and I was going about 70 miles.

Hold on, there's a miracle involved. Hold on, there's a not noteworthy miracle. And this really happened. I was driving about 70, 75 miles an hour on the expressway and my car died and I was like, oh shit. And then I looked, I was like, oh, it's because I'm putting energy units in it.

I was like, God damn it. The damn thing ran out of energy. Fucking Transformers. This isn't the future. And so I was like, well, I'm just going to drive this thing until it runs out of going forward. You know? I don't know. So let me guess.

I want to guess the end of the story. I don't know. So let me guess. I want to guess the end of the story. You coasted up a ramp and into a thing to get gas? I coasted all the way to the pump. No shit. I coasted all the way to the pump

and I just very gently tapped the brake and stopped. And I was like, what's up, bitches? I drove that thing maybe, I don't know, it had to be a half a mile or more. Cause it goes,

you don't have that much fucking inertia. Plus my body's in it. You know, it has a lot of inertia. So, uh, years ago, it was a miracle when I was in the car with Jacob,

you know, Jacob years ago, I was driving down the road. We were driving down, uh, 90 94, which is in Chicago. And once you get past,

say 35th street, it starts turning really bad on 90 94. It's not a pleasant neighborhood. It's Sarajevo. And once you get past, say, 35th Street, it starts turning really bad on 90-94. It's not a pleasant neighborhood. It's Sarajevo. Yeah, it's definitively not pleasant. So we're driving on the road like at 70th Street or 79th Street or something, right, with some 70 in number. And he's like, oh shit, I'm out of gas.

And the first thing I thought is like, how does that even happen? But he's out of gas. And so he pulls up on the side and we're on this, on this ramp going up. Well, there's a light at the top of the ramp. So we have to stop four cars back. So I got out and I pushed that car all the way to the gas station. As you are.

Luckily, there's a gas station right there. Right. But I had to, I had to push that car by myself. And it was one of his, you know, he drove big cars. He drives big cars now. Everything he drives from the 1940s. But I had to push that car. And he's just sitting in the steering wheel and I'm back there pushing that fucking thing.

But that was, that's, yours is a miracle. Mine's a non-noteworthy miracle. I think that's how we make the distinction. A lot of miracles. We're thankful for every one of them. Don't like to, you know, grade them. Every miracle. A grade a miracle.

You have like an inspector come from the government. He's like, look at this pencil. No, I'm sorry. This is not a grade A miracle. Is this choice, select or prime a miracle? Well, every touch from God is awesome. But we had incredible miracles this morning. Of course, double plus great miracles.

Incredible miracles. Isn't every miracle incredible? Gold star miracles, not those fucking silver star baby ass beta miracles. This is the problem. Everything can be beta this episode. Beta miracles. Beta miracles are the ones that fall through jesus's hole in his hand that's his fucking hole david hogan's known for that i mean just uh

remarkable things yeah remarkable things like miracles those are remarkable i feel like if somebody's performed one miracle, he would be known for it because that's the nature of miracles. Nobody would be like, hey, what are you known for other than miracles? Other than miracles. Yeah. You know, happen. And of course, whenever he speaks somewhere, you see people just start piling up their coats and everything because, I mean, he's got that anointing that paul had people carried handkerchiefs from paul just asked paul to pray for the handkerchief and they would carry the handkerchief to people seriously ill and they would get ill magic handkerchiefs because a magic hand you don't understand how prayer works so i love you explain this so if i just pray into the

air right it's like releasing heat into the air. It just dissipates. But if I pray into a thing, like let's say I jack off into a sock. Okay, now I understand where you're coming from. It's wet. And if I rub it on someone, then I've put— Then you've committed assault. I've healed them.

Or you've committed assault. Healed right away. Well, this happens with David Hogan's ministry too. So we had mounds of clothes up on the altar and everybody just wanted to take them home. But Dave did such a good job. There's one miracle that really blessed me. I think it happened yesterday at our mission base in Moravian Falls where old friends of ours, Rick and Lynn Williams, but Rick had fallen off a house. He was a clumsy man. A drunk.

A golden god. He only had one leg. That's why he fell off the house. Construction supervisor. supervisor and he had fallen off of a building actually and just was all broken up and crippled for about over six years and you know it's just heartbreaking and everybody's praying for him but just didn't do shit didn't work didn't do a fucking thing that's because you didn't come on him. Yeah. It wasn't his time. Well, yesterday was his time. He got instantly, totally healed.

He was running laps. He's jogging now. I mean, he was crippled yesterday. I like that not only does he get healed, but he gets cardio. Yeah. And, I mean, he had just been through many operations and stuff and just instantly healed. He was jumping up and down today, just shouting. I mean, he is just so excited.

That was, you know, just one of many. So it was a special day, and I was just really blessed. David Hogan is such an awesome guy. He is just a character. He is one of those absolute radical believers. You make him some of the best stories and best experiences. And if you kept up with him, literally hundreds of verified resurrections. I told you.

I told you. I told you. I told you it was worth waiting for. This is great. Verified resurrections. Resurrections. Maybe you just meant erections. There's literally hundreds of verified erections. That's what he meant.

That's so funny. Who believes that? Who believes that? Credulous dipshits. God damn, man. Holy shit. Resurrections? How does it even work? Somebody,

hold on a second, just think this out. Somebody dies and you don't tell anyone you bring them to David Hogan? Hogan! Do you have like an appointment

ahead of time where you have to like, how would it even work? Is he like the vet that comes by your house to kill your cat? Right. He's like always on call.

Does anybody have any corpses in the crowd? Is anybody dead? Anybody in the crowd bring a dead... Could you imagine bringing like fucking Weekend at Bernie's to that thing? That's the thing. You can't just go places with dead people. Because that's crazy.

That's why. Because that's crazy! That's why, because that's crazy! You can't just drive in the carpool lane with your dead person next to you. Hey, where are you going? Go to the Dave Hogan event! Me and dead mom here!

It's a good thing. See, the problem is that Dave Hogan's got to go to their house and cover that pill Honk, honk. Wave, bud. See, the problem is that Dave Hogan's got to go to their house and cover that pill in chocolate before he puts it in their mouth. So we want to thank our patrons. We want to thank all our patrons. We want to thank our newest patrons, of course. Maxwell Demonic. Nice. Mark, wrong verb, Achman Hotep,

Antoine, and Long Dong Von Huginrod, expert fucksman. That's awesome. So we got a bunch of people sent this to us. It's an image of a Lego glory hole. This one was sent

to us by Horatio. Thank you so much. This is very funny. I love this. It's very funny. So we're going to post it on this week's show notes. This is episode 349. We got a message. This is from Bill. Bill just said, we are so sorry and can't apologize enough

for Ray Comfort. And this is, this is something we messed up. Ray Comfort is actually from New Zealand, not from Australia. Is there a difference? They sound a lot. They're basically the same.

They sound a lot alike. We'll find out though. And you know how we're going to find out how we're going to find out because we are going to Australia. We are. I could not actually be more

excited going to Australia. We're going to be in Sydney the weekend of the 18th and 19th of November for the Australian, not the Austrian. I messed that up and got us to the wrong place last time. Australian Skeptics National

Convention. And we're going to be there. It should be a great time. We're looking forward to it. We're going to spend a couple of weeks down in Australia. But we are going to definitely be there the weekend of the 18th and 19th. So when this tickets and things go on, we'll let you know. So we can, so you guys can come see us in Australia and people in New Zealand.

We're going to go visit you too. We're not sure when that's going to happen, but we are definitively going to be in New Zealand as well. So we'll keep people informed as the trip sort of solidifies. But as it stands right now, we will be in Australia the weekend of the 18th and the 19th of November. We got a video from

now I would say Lucia, but I don't know if that's right. I guess maybe it's Lucia. Lucia? I don't know. I don't know how you say that in Hispanic. I don't speak Mexican. I don't know how you say that. It's south of the wall. I don't know. I don't know how you say that in Hispanic. I don't speak Mexican. It's south of the wall. I don't know. Hispanic. I'm not sure.

In Hispanic. But Lucia sent a message. She sent this awesome video of baby Jesus dancing It's so funny. With this really angry Mexican woman behind it. Which just makes it.

You can just say really angry woman. Just say Mexican. But she said this to us. And so we'll post it on this week's show notes. Thank you Lucia. Lucia. Lucia. Lucia.

And at the end she says Oyo Gloriosio and I think that means glory hole I'm not sure I love it I don't know but I think it's pretty funny thank you very much for your message so we recorded this week we wound up recording on last week we recorded a

live show that was kind of ins and outs we had a little problem with our connection at one point so it faded in and out but that live show is was kind of, uh, ins and outs. We had a little problem with our, our connection at one point. So it faded in and out. Um, but that live show is available right now on Facebook and it's also available on live stream. We'll post, we'll post, uh,

links to those videos. So if you want to check it out, but that live stream is available for people. I am not, however, going to turn that one in particular into audio because of the breaks in it. And it just to also, to be honest, the very beginning into audio because of the breaks in it. And it just also, to be honest, the very beginning of it, the sound is pretty shitty. So like the first

two or three minutes, the sound, um, because the board had something turned up too high, we were breaking up. So, uh, so a couple of minutes in the, the sound is not great. It gets better as time goes on. So you don't have to worry, like the sound fixates itself. But since we have no real way to test this before we go live sometimes that happens right so so that's why I'm not turning it into audio because it's like it

sounds like shit and I don't want that on our feed so if you want to find it we were going to call it 349 we are actually we're going to use that as a midweek show this week but we are not going to use it as a midweek show if you want to see it you could visit those places it's available for people online right now. It was a lot of fun. We just talked about a few stories. We didn't really cover anything

in general. No, we just had a good time. Just talked about some stories and just chilled and enjoyed about an hour and 25 minutes I think it was that we spent. 15 minutes of it is down. Yeah, there's a lot of back and forth. So there's some stuff that breaks down and whatnot, but the breakdowns didn't get recorded. Oh, that's forth. So there's some stuff that breaks down and whatnot, but the breakdowns

didn't get recorded. So that's true. So that's, that's not in there. So the breakdowns don't get recorded. There are, there was some downtime in between each piece. Um, but you know, we're still learning how to do this live stream stuff. We think we have it figured out now. So, uh, so, but we, we did enjoy doing it. We're going to do another one pretty soon. We're not sure when, but we'll let you know when it's going to happen. We had a lot of great interaction with the people who were watching it. I want to thank Adam Reeks of the Herd Mentality Podcast. What a great guest. He's so funny.

His podcast is great. He's always put out a quality product. He's great on Twitter. Follow him on Twitter. His Twitter handle will be on our episode show notes if you want to follow him on Twitter. He's a funny guy and he's worthwhile to follow both in his podcast and on Twitter.

So that's going to wrap it up for this week. We are going to leave you like we always do with The Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter mommy issue hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician double bubble toil

and trouble pseudo quasi alternative acupunctuating pressurized stereogram pyramidal free energy healing

water downward spiral brain dead pan sales pitch late night info docutainment Leo Pisces

cancer cures detox reflex foot massage death in towers tarot cards psychic healing crystal balls Bigfoot, yeti, aliens

Churches, mosques and synagogues Temples, dragons, giant worms Atlantis, dolphins, truthers Birthers, witches, wizards Vaccine nuts Shaman healers, evangelists Conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata Nonsense

Expose your sides Thrust your hands conspiracy, double-speak stigmata nonsense. Expose your signs. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and information provided on this podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. All opinions are solely that of Glory Hole Studios, LLC. Cognitive dissonance makes no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information and will not be

liable for any errors, damages, or butthurt arising from consumption. All information is provided on an as-is basis. No refunds. Produced in association with the local dairy council and viewers like you. We'll see you next time.