Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 35: Side Effects Include...

Episode Date: February 20, 2012

Notes for week 2/20/12 Ten Years After Decriminalization, Drug Abuse Down by Half in Portugal Trouble in paradise: Maldives and Islamic extremism Help Saudi writer escape death! Israelis Facing a Seismic Rift Over Role of Women Australia's 'child labour camp' Scientology showdown reveals claims of torture, abuse of dissenting members Mormons baptise parents of Nazi-hunter Simon Wiesenthal Four Arrested After Exorcism Goes Bad Religious Music in High School Choir Forces Student to Quit Singing House Democrats walk out over all-male panel on contraception Santorum Tax Returns Draw Critics Of His Low Charitable Giving Evangelist arrested for having sex with a pregnant sheep Clips: Simpsons “mob”, allahu akbar, Tom Cruise on Scientology, Onward Xtian Soldiers, I am Woman -Helen Reddy, Rick Santorum, A Few Good Men, “Hammock Fight” Kevin McLeod - incompetech.com Visit our Website at http://dissonancepod.com for all the links.

Have you always wanted to win the lottery? Do you suffer from chronic poverty syndrome? Do you have real problems that are too much work to actually work on? Would you rather pretend to help than actually help? Prayer might be right for you. I was poor. I mean, really, really poor. I'm still poor. In fact, my family just split one Cheeto five ways for dinner. But now I don't live in a cold, dead universe.

I can finally see the light. And as my emaciated self wanders toward it, I finally feel free. Thanks, prayer! Please note, some side effects for prayer may not be reported. Always consult your pastor, shaman, imam, rabbi, or witch doctor, or holy book specialist for medical advice. Side effects may include gullibility, loss of funds, magical thinking, subjugation of women, brainwashing of children, loss of libido,

inability to converse without the good word, and crippling diarrhea. Stop taking prayer immediately if you experience any of the following. Evolution, existential anxiety, books, uncontrollable laughter during services, or cognitive dissonance. dissonance. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. this is cognitive dissonance every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome, Matt.

Cecil, this is episode 35 of Cognitive Dissonance. And I want to give a warning, just fair warning. We are going to swear a lot in this show. In this show in particular, Tom, or in every show? No, not in this show in particular. This show, like the other 34 shows which preceded it, and the next 35 shows which will come after it. So we're going to say like Dang It? Is that?

Darn. Dang. Con Sarnit? Will we say Con Sarnit? Con Sarnit is on the list. Okay. Yeah. What about Cunt?

Cunt definitely makes it. Yeah. Cocksucker. Cocksucker is in there. Fuck is definitely in the mix. So if you're already offended, if you're like cringing a little right now. We gave you the easy words in the beginning. So if you were offended at Khan Sarnat, you should have turned it off.

I don't know what to do. The explicit tag is there for a reason. There's no other way to say that. You know, I think we might have said that before you started speaking this show. We may have. We may have put it on the mix of audio. Definitely done that intentionally. If that's on there or not.

Right. You know, I just don't want to offend my dead nana who listens to the show. And I just want to make sure that, you know, that she's not upset. Well, fuck it. Let's do it live. Let's do it live. Fucking cunts. So we have an almost unbelievable number of stories we're going to try to cover in this episode.

The first one we're going to go to is from Forbes.com. I love this one. Ten years after decriminalization, drug abuse down by half in Portugal. We have talked about this and talked about this. Portugal, we have talked about this and talked about this. You know, there is no way to make drugs less cool than to have the government say it's okay. No kidding, right? That is the fucking limp-dicking of drugs, if ever there was a limp-dicking of drugs, right?

You're like fucking, you've got this raging fucking hard-on for heroin, and all of a sudden, like, Michelle O'Bachman comes out. Michelle O'Bachman? That's got to be a new person. Oh, I love it. Who the hell is Michelle O'Bachman? Michelle O'Bachman. Oh, my gosh. We've got to make this character.

Tom, you are a genius. Michelle O'Bachman. I'm fired. It's a new character. We have introduced a new character to our show. Please welcome Michelle O'Bachman. What the fuck? I love it.

I love it. Take it from here, Cecil. Tom, I think if anything, we're just going to go down with the ship on this one. The decriminalization leads to more people getting treatment rather than going to jail.

We have in this country plenty of things that are perfectly legal to do, but also inspire people to become addicted. So, there is a Gambling Anonymous. There is an Alcoholics Anonymous. You can join groups to help you

quit smoking cigarettes. You can join groups because you're a fat ass and you want to lose weight. You know what I mean? Like, there's ways in which to... If you can make it to them. Yeah, well, you've got to, I mean, like, look. They've got to come to me. It's like a house call. You know what I mean? Like, I'll do Weight Watchers if you come to me, okay?

And you bring all the food, because if I make the food, it's going to be bad. I mean, I'm going to be drinking, I'm going to be eating fucking gravy burgers the entire day. But, you know, we have ways in which to already treat people

in our culture who are addicted to things. There's something to be said about the 12-step process, and I know that there's some shadiness that goes along with it. And I know people have problems with the 12-step process, but there are people who genuinely get clean off that process. And then there's people who genuinely just get clean through help of others. I mean, even if it's not doing the 12-step process, there's other ways to get clean. Right. And if you don't spend all of your money on fucking SWAT teams knocking down the goddamn door. Tom, you got to house those fuckers.

You got to put them up, man. How expensive is it? I read some crazy statistic that the United States has like 25% of the prisoners in the world come from the United States. That's insane. Like, I mean, we're not like the most populous country. Not even close. But like an amazing amount of our population is in prison. A lot of the drug problem has nothing to do with actual drugs.

Right. And that's something that people seem to forget. Like the public has bought into this idea and they've forgotten that the drug problem has five percent to do with drugs and ninety five percent to do with the violence and criminality that comes along with the black market structure that the drugs are forced to exist within. Here in Chicago, I just watched a fucking documentary called The Interrupters. Great documentary, by the way, on Frontline, which was all about the epidemic of violence that is here in Chicago. And a tremendous amount of that revolves around the drug culture. Well, it's not really the drug culture. It's revolving around the sale and distribution of an illegal product.

That's it. And fighting for territory. And we've talked about this. Here's our evidence, right? Here's our evidence. Is it working in the States? No, it is fucking clearly not working in the States. So that's experiment A.

Experiment fucking B in Portugal. All drugs, all drugs in Portugal are decriminalized. Use is down by half. Game, set, match. It's time to follow suit. And like you said, there's no better way to limp-dick the drugs. I mean, nobody's ever gotten laid in the DMV. That's never happened.

It's never going to happen. What's that ominous glow in the distance. Look, those idiots don't even know where we live. So this is a story from the associated free press um this is at the maldives national museum um a bunch of uh muslim extremists went fucking cuckoo for coconuts ran in and destroyed these buddhist statues um proving once again like we we've said, all religions are exclusive. This is, you can't have, there's no such thing as an inclusive religion. You are inclusive insofar as you want to include other people in your religion. Yeah, right.

But you are not inclusive. A monotheistic religion cannot be inclusive of another monotheistic religion. They can't, it cannot happen and and monotheism can't even be inclusive of other poly it's necessarily mutually exclusive to all other viewpoints and it leads to the sort of destruction of of priceless fucking statues and works of art it's it's um this isn't even surprising that what's surprising is that this is news like this should be if you're gonna have a worldview that accepts and and promotes and respects religious culture you should say well we expect that these fucking religious nut jobs are gonna go crazy and smash priceless works of art developed by other religious viewpoints because it's fucking required by their monotheistic bullshit.

What the scariest thing to me, Tom, in this entire thing is that they are so short-sighted that they are willing to eradicate history. They are willing to destroy their own personal history and connection and culture because this new religion is so ingrained in their minds that they feel like some fucking – I mean and you're degenerate of a god at that point because I mean good lord, what a fucking waste of time to believe in something that is ultimate power but wants you to forget about how you used to believe in something else. It's so vain. This god is so vain that it's like you have to destroy your own history. What a pathetic, pathetic god you believe in. You should be ashamed of yourself. Really, you should be ashamed of yourself.

I'm reminded of that Peanuts character who like every time they take his blanket away, he fucking flips his shit. Right, right. That's the exact same thing. It's Linus. Yeah. I mean like your god is Linus from Peanuts. That's it. What a childish fucking insecure brat of a god you believe.

I mean I can't believe you would worship something like that, that you would dedicate your life to something that is so petty. And the thing is everybody is always like God is infinite. I'm like God is so small. I know. If he believes that. If you believe that, your God is so tiny. It's like every petulant child I've met is fucking way cooler than God. Well, and that's the funny thing, right? Like, that's something you try to do, like, with kids,

is you try to get them to overcome those small feelings, right? Like, and that's what you try to do even as an adult. Like, you struggle. Everybody struggles from time to time to overcome feelings of envy or jealousy or, you know, whatever it is. And those are, because you recognize, as a grown-ass person, you recognize that, like, those are not positive characteristics in your life, that those aren't attributes you want to put forward and that you want to continue to allow grow within yourself. That's what good, decent, responsible, moral people do.

But if you're a god, you just fucking set down a rule. Be like – it's like having a whole world Run by an 8 year old with no rules Right it's like that fucking twilight zone Where he's putting people in the cornfield Exactly Like he turns his mom into the pop up thing Or whatever Takes people mouths off

That's exactly it Why would you want to believe in a god That's like that eight year old? And I want to fucking strangle that kid. Right. No, don't make me mad. I'll turn you into a pillar of salt. Yeah, exactly.

And that's exactly it. Right. Pillar of salt. Delicious pillar of salt. So now these 12th century statues, which were fucking made of coral and limestone and they were fucking priceless and they were part of the pre-Islamic heritage, heritage rather of the, of, of these people, like they're just fucking gone forever and they don't of the pre-Islamic heritage, rather, of these people. Like, they're just fucking gone forever and they don't ever get to come back.

It's not like you could say, well, okay, that was a mistake. Can we have our 12th century statues back? Can we have our priceless fucking historical artifacts back? No. They're gone from the world forever. Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar. A Saudi journalist is facing conviction and possibly the death penalty for tweets, fucking tweets like Twitter. Twitter is going to cause this guy maybe to be killed. How would he be killed?

Maybe beheading, you know, because it's 2012. So that's what we do. We have we definitely behead people. And why would he be beheaded is apostasy. Right. The Muslim crime of being a Muslim and then changing your mind. So the fucking not it is punishable by death in this crackpot fucking religion. And he didn't have a choice, I'm sure, growing up. He wasn't like, you know, it wasn't like he gets to be 12 and they're like, OK, so here's all your choices.

You know, here's your deal a meal fucking prayer deck. You know, you get to choose Christianity or no, he didn't have those fucking choices. So he's a Muslim anyway. So it's so they're basically making it illegal not to believe. No matter who you are, it's illegal not to. And let me read the tweet because the tweet is not even that critical. He says on your birthday, I will say that I have loved the rebel in you, that you've always been a source of inspiration to me,

and that I do not like the halos of divinity around you. I shall not pray for you. Burn him. Like what? For real? They're going to kill this guy. They're going to kill him. Yeah, for real.

They're going to kill him. So Cecil, he's going to die. Yeah. Maybe. Maybe. I mean, the thing is, is right now we're going to kill him. So Cecil, he's going to die. Yeah. Maybe. Maybe. I mean the thing is right now we're going to link to this article. And you can contact the embassy of Saudi Arabia, which I fucking do not believe is going to do anything. But you can feel free to contact them.

But what might do something is there's email contacts here for President Obama, for Secretary of State Clinton, and then also Amnesty International is a great place to send letters. Join Amnesty International, maybe donate to Amnesty International. These are the people who help people not get fucking murdered for stupid shit in the world. So if you want to help somebody, Amnesty International might be the place to start. But there are ways here on this page that we're going to link to to help out in some way, even if it's just to send a note to President Obama or to Secretary of State Clinton just to say, hey, this is a fucking crazy thing that's happening. You know, they can't kill us all. No, they can't. They can't do it.

They can't. No matter what they do, they can't. So in the spirit of come and get them, I would like to declare myself a Muslim. You know, I'd like to declare myself a Muslim too, Tom. A la Akbar, Cecil. A la snack bar. A la snack bar. It sounds like an incantation almost.

A la minibar. A la minibar. That's a better one. I like that one. A la minibar. I like that. So we're both Muslims. Yeah, I'm a Muslim now.

I don't know what time prayer is. Which way is Mecca? I'm unsure. I'm going to So we're both Muslims. I'm a Muslim now. I don't know what time prayer is. Which way is Mecca? I'm unsure. I'm going to look at a compass later. I need a GPS for Mecca. I definitely need a Mecca GPS. Always have it pointing to Mecca. You are. It says like 21,000

miles or something. It's just an arrow pointing to it. This trip is going to take so long. Before It's like a thousand miles or something. It's just an arrow pointing to it. This trip is going to take so long. But, you know, before we go on, though, I just want to say that God doesn't exist. Yeah, I don't think so either. I don't think God exists. I don't think prayer does anything either. I don't think prayer does anything at all. Prayer doesn't do anything.

And as a knowing Muslim, Tom, as you as a knowing Muslim, we are declaring right now that there is no God and prayer doesn't exist. Prayer doesn't do anything. Prayer is just you pretending to talk to something. I second that. So now we are apostates. We are apostates. We are now, if we travel to, what is it, Saudi Arabia? If we travel to Iraq or any of those other places.

We're really shit out of luck at that point. Seriously, you would have to kidnap me to travel there. I know, right? There's no way I would travel there anyway. Fuck that. So right now we're apostates. So we could actually be killed in

Saudi Arabia. And right now, I'm going to renounce my Muslim faith. Because it already feels dirty. Yeah, I'm going to convert. I'm converting to atheism right now. Yeah, I'm not going to. I'm converting to atheism right now. Yeah, I'm not going to stop. I was considering on my conversion maybe stopping at one of the other monotheistic religions just to pause. Sure, get like an after dinner mint from them.

Yeah, rest up a little bit. Maybe a wafer from Catholicism, a little sip of wine to wash down that Muslim. I'm a fat man and a snack always sounds good. I'm going Baptist so I can get the full dinner. I'm going to go Sikh, man. I like Indian food. That's right. That Sikh would be great. Maybe next time we'll go Sikh. As long as they cater in, I'm down.

But seriously, in all seriousness, fuck this. If they're going to kill somebody for not believing, fuck you. Fuck any religion that's going to do that. In Islam, fuck you hardest if you're going to do that. There I go using those fuck words again, Tom. Consarnit, Cecil. Consarnit. Consarnit, Muslims.

I can't believe you would stoop to such a rhetorical level. So the next fucking story we're going to cover. So in the New York Times. Israelis facing a seismic. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Seismic rift. I'm like a boat. Israelis facing a seismic rift over role of women. You know, here's what I have to say about this.

Women are not a minority. a minority and i'm it's such fucking bullshit to behave to use the rhetoric of minority when it comes to women women are 50 of the population they're minority in terms of power they're minority in terms of access to resources um but they're only a minority as long as those assholes in control decide that they're a minority. Right. They're not a numerical minority. To have a system that even has to have a discussion, to even sit down at a table and try to hammer out, what should the role of women be? You are a fucking asshole. Right? Like, what should the role of people with fingerna You are a fucking asshole, right?

Like, what should the role of people with fingernails be? I don't fucking know. They're fucking people. They don't have a different fucking role. It's not a different species. We're not talking about, you know, hey, what should we do with dogs and cats? You know what I mean? They're fucking women, you stupid shithead.

Yeah. They're not less than. They're not unequal to. Your religion is a fucking indefensible, immoral religion. If it even suggests for a moment that you need to have a conversation about the role of a gender within your society, that is offensive. The role of the gender in your society is the same as your fucking role in society. Right. Because we're all human beings.

We're not different kinds of human beings. That's fucking asinine. It is ridiculous. And, you know, this is one of those things. There's such a rift right now between Muslims and Jews in this world and these ultra-Orthodox, they fit right in with some of the stuff that some of those radical Muslims do in those countries. They would be perfectly at home, Tom, stoning a woman to death because she slept with somebody else. That doesn't seem out of the realm of what these people would do. with somebody else, that doesn't seem out of the realm of what these people would do.

They are such, you know, you want to say the word chauvinist, but that doesn't even cover the depth of this. It doesn't. It's hateful. It really is. It's misogynist. That's the only way to say it's misogynist. There's a part where they're talking about this woman not being allowed on stage. You can't even come on stage.

To accept an award. She's a doctor doctor and they're awarding or something. It's like, Oh, to accept on behalf of her is, you know, her husband or something. Are you fucking serious that you're, you know,

it's 2012 and we live in a world where, you know, I can talk to somebody across the fucking globe without delay. I can just talk to somebody and have a conversation with somebody across the globe of different faith, of different, you know, ethnicity, grew up in a place that is totally different from me. You know, our world should be, be connected now more than ever before. But instead it's this shit that it's just like, nope, there's a lot of different fucking, you know, we there's, there's differences between men and women. And we're going to make sure we,

we fucking pay attention to those differences because Because instead of paying attention to how modern society is, we're going to look at this fucking Bronze Age book and get our fucking ideals from that. Well, you're a fucking asshat then. We want to be fair, right? I think it's important to see so that we're fair. And I am just as critical of the Christians, the Muslims the jews any any religious ideology that um is so fucking hateful it's so damaging to women it's so damaging to you know mothers and sisters and daughters like that's this is fucking insane it is um to to make them sit apart as if they are a different kind of people i mean really this is treating them like they're not the same kind of people.

Absolutely. You know, there's a link in this story to a group of ultra-Orthodox men who spit on an 8-year-old girl. That only comes from a place of hate. You can't even consider spitting on an 8-year-old girl unless you are a hate-filled motherfucker. And we got an email from somebody who said, you know, I know you guys, I certainly wouldn't advocate violence, but if somebody, you know, spit or attacked my eight-year-old girl,

I would beat the fuck out of them. I would too, man. Fucking A, dude. Fucking gloves come off. It's time to throw. Like, I would fucking hockey fight that dude. Pull his fucking yarmulke over his head. I'd grab him by his fucking side braids. I would be knee in his face. Are you kidding me? All those things to grab onto,

that fucking tuxedo they wear, I would pull that fucker over their head and beat the piss out of them. This is an unreasonable stance. And, you know, what should be happening is across the world, these groups who treat women as unequal, who treat women as less than, they should be denounced and marginalized immediately. There should be no way that these groups get any respect. Their religions should be cut off from taxpayer-exempt status. They should be treated as hostile organizations. Hate groups.

Yeah. Hate groups. It's hate speech. Exactly. They should have nowhere. It's hate speech. Exactly. They should have nowhere to hide with this bullshit. You can't hide behind your religious ideology when you're spitting on eight-year-old girls, when you're segregating women from your congregation, when you're not allowing women who are doctors to receive an award on stage because women aren't allowed on a stage.

Well, this movement's only got 30 more years left in it anyway, because no women are going to have sleep with these guys. So they're not going to have, they're not going to be able to reproduce and no women are going to want to have that in their house to be like, Hey, here you go. Let's, you know, let's, let's make sure we, you know, we hate on mommy. You know what I mean? Like it's eventually going to die out. There's no way it can, there's no way this could survive.

I don't see how it can. I mean, this is hyperbole because people are going to tell me, oh, well, they'll survive and blah, blah, blah. And I'm sure that they will. But at the same time, I don't see how logically they could survive. But then again, I don't see how logically you could believe in the stuff they believe in anyway. Logic not included. No actual logic.

I think it's a privilege to call yourself a Scientologist and it's something that you have to earn. And because a Scientologist does, he or she has the ability to create new and better realities and improve conditions. So there's two stories that have recently come out about Scientology and labor camps, child labor camps, forced labor for children out of Scientology. What would Zinu do? What would Zinu say, Cecil? Well, I think he'd say put those kids back in the fucking garage and get them to work. What the fuck?

This isn't break, motherfucker. Here's your gruel. Get the fuck back to work. I think that's – I'm quoting – I think this is in Dianetics, like chapter 45 page. I don't know. That's a big book though, by the way. Dianetics is like chapter 45 page. I don't know. That's a big book, though, by the way. Dianetics is like as thick as the Bible. I've never actually seen it.

It's a big, thick-ass book, man. You could fucking beat a kid with it. That's for sure. That's fantastic. Well, and that's important, too, because you don't leave the obvious bruises when you're whapping with a holy book. Sure, sure. One of the things that I don't understand about these two stories, Tom, is why religious institutions, and they say that Scientology just got religious sort of status in like the 80s, I think, was when it got religious

status. Why religious institutions are seemingly immune to investigation. It's like they wind up with these accusations of they're holding people against their will. And I don't know if you remember, but we watched a movie for everyone to critic a while back called North by Northwest. Yeah. And there's a part where they go confront this kidnapper and they like question him with the guy there like at his house. And you're just like, well, that's the shoddiest police work I've ever seen. You know, like where they're just like, you're like, that's the really terrible police work. You guys are really bad at your job. I felt the same way when I was reading these stories, they go to collect the kid because the kid's being held against his will. His dad hasn't

seen him in four years. And now I don't know what it's like to have a son, but I know had not had not seeing that son in four years has got to have a devastating effect on your relationship. Sure. So he goes to collect his child after four years of just the runaround from this group. And they're standing there. The fucking religious people are standing there. I don't even know. Hardly I call them religious people. You want to call them cult members.

But the Scientologists are standing next to this kid, and the kid doesn't want to start any trouble. So he's like, no, I'm happy here. And you're like, that is shoddy police work. What should happen is, is what they did with that group of people down in fucking, I remember they busted out like a polygamy cult somewhere in the United States and they basically took all the kids away and questioned them separately and took everybody away. They found out that nothing was going on. But I'm happy that something like that actually happens where they question people away from

the members of the church that are enforcing these policies. Because if you question them in front of them, nothing happens. So you're like, oh, well, it seems like nothing is happening. That's like walking up to somebody's kidnapper and saying, did you kidnap them? Why, no, I didn't kidnap them. Well, investigation solved. Are you serious? That's what you do?

That's your police work? Fucking Barney Fife? What the fuck is wrong with you? Right. No kidding. It's like taking your wife to the emergency room. She's got like two black eyes and a broken arm. And they're like, what happened?

And they'd be like, she fell down the stairs. She fought a bear. Right. You know, know i mean come on you've got to separate these parties before they are fucking potentially at odds right you can't you can't do that you know this church is a non-church it is i mean you know or it's when i you know it's as much a church as any other church though really yeah i you know i say that and then i immediately think, like, well, what separates it? Like, it doesn't have any more or less of a claim of truth. Right.

It has a holy book. It has adherence. It's adherence tithe. It has churches. I guess it is a church. It is a religion. It is a faith. Because it is equally as fucking ridiculous and backwards and corrupt and abusive of its members.

Yeah. So what do I expect? Should I expect better? Should I look at this and be shocked and say, wow, I'm so surprised that a religious institution treated its members like shit and attempted to control their behavior? Man, who would have seen that coming? Scientology seems like it's a little more overt in those – because I've never heard of like the Catholic downtown Chicago, some people being held in a fucking basement against their will by Catholics trying to fucking have them make sweaters or something. Right. Or fucking making rosaries or whatever.

You know what I mean? Like I don't know what these kids were doing. But then there's also this other story, Tom, where Scientologists, these Scientologists wanted to sort of expose stuff. And there's like these fucking gag orders and contracts and they get these big fucking, these big lawyers to just attack you. And just they sick their fucking legal team on people to really just devastate like a lot of the people that are dissenting against Scientology. Right. Yeah. And that's the game, right? You say something negative about their religion and then they attack you because – I mean that's what a peaceful sort of transcendent spiritual religion would do. It would try to shut down all voices of opposition violently.

You know, that's normal. But it's just this intimidation because nowadays the way to intimidate people is to make them think that they can lose a fuck ton of money. Sure. And basically never prosper again because all your money would go to this church because you said some bad shit about them. But I think these people sign contracts or something. Like they sign some crazy – to get in the church, you got to sign some crazy fucking

contract shit too. Like there's like some paperwork. They do a lot of cover your ass in this church from what I read at least. I think it's a pretty smart way to abuse your members. If you're going to abuse people, you got got to make sure that you have the paperwork right. Yeah, they cover their ass for sure. Absolutely. So we're going to take a break and give you all the information that you need to find us on Facebook,

to find us on Twitter, to send us email, to send us voicemail. Remember, if you send us a voicemail, we will play your voicemail on the show and mock you openly with your voice and ours. voicemail on the show and mock you openly with your voice and ours. So we'll return in just a moment to give you the rest of this terrible fucking show. There you go saying that word again. Terrible. You can email these assholes at dissonance.podcast at gmail.com.

For more information on this or any other episode, visit the Cognitive Dissonance website, dissonancepod.com. Like our show on Facebook to join in the conversation. Just search for Cognitive Dissonance in Facebook or go to our website for the link. You can converse with us on Twitter. Our Twitter handle is at dissonance underscore pod. Help us out by retweeting and reposting our shows. You can call us and leave us a message at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. Long distance rates apply. Your help is fucking greatly appreciated. Your help is fucking greatly appreciated. baptized. And I know we covered this before and like we got kind of a lot of email because I totally fucked up the whole religion and I don't really know much about Mormonism. And I know

that I've been told that this comes from like a good place and they want you to get to heaven and blah blah blah. Okay, fine. But these people aren't part of your fucking faith. Right. You don't get to choose for somebody else after they're dead what faith they belong to. That's fucking mean spirited Cecil.

I think it is. But, you know, my favorite way to combat mean spiritedness, Tom, I think you might know this is to be mean spirited. It's just it just comes from the sort of mean spirited portion of my body, which is the most of it. It like sort of starts at the top of my head and really works its way down through the rest of me. Down into the feet area. Yeah. So what I decided – I was talking to you yesterday. We were having some sort of text back and forth chatting about today's show. And I think what we want to do is we want to have a contest.

And I think what we want to do is we want to have a contest. And so since they're accepting people into their religion and baptizing them posthumously, what we would like to do is take, have somebody, whoever that is out there, write a renunciation of faith letter for the Mormon tradition. But I want you to pen it for the founder, Joseph Smith. So the founder of Mormonism, I want you to posthumously pen a letter for him that says he renounces his faith. I want you to take that letter and I want you to post it to our Facebook page. And then Tom and I will look at them and we may read one or two of these next show. But we'd like you, the audience, to get involved a little, just like Scientology has people work for them.

Just imagine you're in a child labor camp for Scientologists. Just imagine there's somebody standing over you with a ruler, whacking you right on the knuckles every moment you're not writing. That's totally a fetish for like half our listeners, you realize that, right? That's a fetish for me. What are you kidding? So I want you to type up a letter, though, and put it on our Facebook. So I want you to type a letter, though, and put it on our Facebook. If they're going to keep doing this, we are going to start working our way through famous Mormons and having them all renounce their faith after their death.

And that is about as mean-spirited as you can get. That is. That is. In the spirit of two wrongs make a right, here we go. Two wrongs make a right. And you know what? Here's the thing. For me, it's all made up anyway.

So I don't care. Right? Who gives a shit? Like for me, I don't care. It's like writing a fanfic of fucking Star Wars or Matrix. You know what I mean? It's like it's all fanfic. So it doesn't matter. So that's what I'm having you do.

You're basically writing a fanfic for the Mormons. Because it's not like anybody really believes that the letter, you know, that all of a sudden, like in the fucking spirit world, all of a sudden Joseph Smith is like, no. He's like running forward like, no. Somebody wrote a letter. For me. You know, that's fucking nonsense. That's fucking utter nonsense. So who gives a shit? So we think it'll be fun.

So if you would like to participate and post a letter, post it on our Facebook page. In order to post on our Facebook page, you have to like us, though, first. So you might have to go to Facebook, like us. So it might be a roundabout way to get you to come and like us on Facebook. Maybe we'll plan this coming together. Maybe. Maybe. Cecil, this next story is...

I love mugshots so much. Mugshots are the greatest. I'm telling you right now, though, Tom, this mugshot, I wouldn't be surprised if somebody put faces of meth and put dates around each one. Nice. This person is the same person, just a different stage. Just right. Just a different.

This all happened in six months. This is from Way TV. Way, 31 ABC. Way. This is from Russellville, Alabama. Four people in Franklin County have been arrested in an exorcism gone bad. Wow. I think they all go bad, really. As opposed to the. Right. Is there an exorcism gone good, like. I think they all go bad, really.

As opposed to the... Right. Is there an exorcism gone good? Like, you wind up at Hardee's afterwards? Like, what is the exorcism gone good? A lot of times, you know, it's like late at night and you're watching TV and it's like, girl's gone wild. Oh, exorcism's gone bad.

Exorcism's gone bad. Let's watch that. It's like, instead of like, you know, some asshole producer like getting drunk women to show their boobs. It's just like some asshole producer getting hillbillies to exercise their. To beat people. Right. You could do that without the exorcism fucking subset though, I think. Right.

Get the demons out. If you just want me to beat them up, just tell me to beat them up. Yeah, just tell me to beat them up. Look, I'm in Russellville, Alabama. Are you kidding me? I will beat somebody up just because I live in Russellville, Alabama. I keep thinking about exorcisms gone good, and I think about, what, did somebody bake a cake for it? Is there a bake sale afterwards?

I was just wondering about what happened. Everybody knows Satan hates cupcakes. I mean, he fucking hates those things. That's why I eat 30 cupcakes a day. Right. He keeps the Satan away. He can't get near me because if he gets near me, he's going to get caught in my gravitational pull.

You know, the problem is that if an apple a day is good, an apple turnover is better. You know? So, because there's a lot of apples in there. There is, man. But then there's also cinnamon and sugar. Sure. It's like you're taking, instead of taking one apple, you're like distilling down many apples into

the size of an apple. In this exorcism, they're doing the exorcism while holding a two-year-old child. Then the person who's being forcibly exorcised strikes out, hits the kid, and it devolves into a brawl. What? That fucking

kid. Don't lie to me. That's not the first time that kid's been hit. Come on. Right. Oh. Oh. And I have to think, how did you think this was going to turn out? I know.

Like, what was your best case scenario when you're forcibly exorcised? That the demons are going to be like, you're going to see it come out and look all spooky. And that's not a thing. It doesn't happen. And the baby's not protected. I've seen all the movies. The baby gets it right afterwards. And then you're raising a demon baby.

Yeah, as soon as the fucking, somebody goes crazy on the bed, it goes for the weakest target. Hello, baby. You know, boom, right in the baby. Now you got this little fucking demon ghoulie running around your house, climbing in the toilet. You know, it's like it's just going to ruin your day. You know what I mean? And here's the thing that I just I'm always shocked at is that it's a fucking 54 year old person is part of this. I know.

You're not just a grown ass woman. Like you're a fucking extra grown ass woman. Like you have fucking like grandkids and you believe in fucking demons, and you're trying to fucking exercise somebody. Yeah. Get on the treadmill and exercise yourself. Aren't you supposed to, like, cast them out into a herd of pigs? I think the pigs have to be there. If you don't have a herd of swine to throw over the cliff, you're just not doing it right. I think you're doing it wrong. You know, my favorite part of the story before

we move on is three of these assholes are still in jail because they couldn't post the bond. The bond is $1,500. That's awesome. It's only $150. I know. It's 10%. I know. Nobody values your freedom for $1.50? For fuck's sake, you don't have anyone that loves you more than $150? I know. They're actually renaming the town to Fresh Stitches, Alabama. Oh, no. There goes our Russellville, Alabama constituents. The contingent has left.

Right. I think we lost that group. We lost that guy. Fuck. What am I going to do? He's not around anymore. It's being exercised as we speak. Onward Christian soldiers

Marching as to war With the cross of Jesus Going on before Christ the royal master leads against the... So this story is out of News Channel 5 for Colorado, Grand Junction, Montrose, and Glenwood Springs area. Religious music and high school choir force a student to quit singing. And this is funny because we've been talking about this for a long time that, you know, Christian groups have been up in arms that, oh, you're taking away our ability to, you know,

sing our songs and pray our prayers in your schools. And so and they piss and they fucking moan. It's all part of religious freedom. And that's the rallying cry, right? It's religious freedom. I have the religious freedom to do and say whatever I want regardless of the location and the appropriate nature of it. So they want to be able to pray before commencement and they want to be able to force students to have moments of silence. And they want to do all these things and have prayers hanging up in their school on banners and whatever. And it's all part of their religious freedom. Right, right.

And the important part of that, as we've talked about, is it's their religious freedom. Sure. They're not protecting anybody else's. Well, this school, a music teacher picked a song that happens to be an Islamic song. And people are fucking up in arms about it. Well, how could they be singing an Islamic song in our schools? Well, how's that different than you singing? And somebody even says, I was reading through the, I mean, if you want to read some crazy, crazy shit, read the comments.

Somebody says in there, it's not like they're singing Onward Christian Soldiers. This is a Sharia law song. Somebody, oh my gosh. We got to invite them over. Cognitive dissonance is something they obviously love. You'd think their fucking head would start smoking just trying to form a thought like that. This Christian kid is like, oh, I don't want to have to sing this.

He's sending letters and getting interviewed. And it's awesome because you're just like, you want everybody to ask and be like, okay, well, what if it was a Christian song? and be like okay well what if it was a what if it was a christian song yeah you know what if it was a christian song because i think that's the best way to get them to see this is to to do promote more more and more and more different types of religious songs and different types of religious prayer have people do buddhist prayers in school and see how they react. Right.

I mean, I don't know if you remember, Tom, we had, there was a clip we had on another, on the other show we did on Everyone's a Critic, where the people in Minnesota invited somebody to do like a Hindu prayer or something. So we wind up playing this clip and people were booing and jeering. And then the next week they invited this asshat from this fucking crazy fucking hate group up there, Christian hate group to come in and give his Christian prayer to sort of cleanse the room or whatever. And you're like this is government where they're doing it. You've got to do shit more like that so they recognize that people that are going to be giving prayer that are not yours, that that's how other people feel when you're giving your prayer and they don't believe in the same things you do. They're never going to understand that secularism is the best defense for religious freedom. Right.

That governmental secularism is the only way to defend your religious freedoms. Everybody's religious freedoms, you know, because all of you assholes are mutually exclusive to one another. And so it's always, you know, my way or the highway with these assholes. And the only way to do it is to say, OK, OK, we just all need to agree that we're all in a public space, that this public space is fucking neutral. Right. It's a value-neutral public space with regard to religion. And as long as they don't allow that, as long as they push back

and try to fight this on this idea of religious freedom, you're going to continue to have this problem. Bully for this fucking director, this music director, for doing this. Good for you. I am woman, hear me roll In numbers too big to ignore And I know too much to go back and pretend Cause I've heard it all before

And I've been down there on the floor No one's ever gonna keep me down again So there's been a lot of hullabaloo. This story is from The Guardian. There's been a lot of hullabaloo about contraception. And particularly, you know, Obama's health care plan would require that all employers offer health insurance or health care plans that pay for contraception. Certain religious groups are anti-cont contraception. Certain religious groups are anti-contraception. And so they're fucking pissed off that their organizations would allow some of their monies to pay for contraception, which they have a moral objection to. And so there's a

House panel to talk about this, to hash this out. And who's sitting on the House panel, Cecil? All dudes. I think, you know, excluding the people who actually do most of the reproducing is a bad plan. I think that's not a good idea. We have this sort of unilateral idea, at least the sort of the conservatives. I'm not even going to say Republicans. I'm just going to say the people that are just sort of really conservative in

this country have this sort of unilateral idea that you have to have, you have to allow them to conceive. We're not going to talk about sex. We're going to let people have sex. They're going to conceive because we don't want to give them contraception because we don't think contraception is good. We're not going to allow them to abort because we don't want to give them contraception because we don't think contraception is good. We're not going to allow them to abort because we don't think abortions are good. And then we're going to have them have these kids, whether they're products of rape or incest, doesn't matter. They're going to have these kids and then we're not going to give a flying fuck about them. Then we're going to say, you know what? You had the kid, take care of it. Yeah, right. Right now it's a responsibility.

Now it's your responsibility. Right. And all this is, all this is, at least this is how I can see it, all this is is just a way in which to keep the poor poor. It is a way in which to make sure that poverty stays the way it is, that the status quo is achieved, that if you are poor and you have no access to contraception or because it's too expensive or you just don't have it or you don't get the education behind it, and then you suddenly cut out abortions, you can't get abortions. I mean, what better way to keep poor people poor than to make sure that they don't have reproductive rights? I couldn't agree more. You've got to look at contraception in terms of contraception. The invention of contraception that works, that really genuinely works, is one of the great humanitarian achievements of all time.

Because there is nothing more damaging to a society than unregulated growth of that society with members that cannot, for whatever reason, that cannot take care of the children that they produce. If you have a group of people that have no access to contraception, they're going to reproduce. We're fucking animals. You're going to fuck. They're not going to stop the fucking. We are going to reproduce, and if you can't regulate that reproduction, you're right. It's going to keep you kids are fucking expensive. It's very expensive to be a parent. It's expensive to raise children. And you've got to look at contraception as a great humanitarian good to be able to have individualized control over the size and scope and timing of your family.

over the size and scope and timing of your family. Whether you choose to have one, whether you choose not to have one, what size, what point in your life, when you're financially stable enough, when you're emotionally stable enough, when you're in a relationship that's beneficial to a child. All of those factors can be controlled because of contraception. That is a tremendous humanitarian good. And so when these religious groups look at contraception. That is a tremendous humanitarian good. And so when these religious groups look at contraception and they thumb their fucking nose at it, that is an immoral act. I think that is a tremendously immoral act because it causes terrible stress on the adult members

of the family and terrible stress on the children that are brought into these families. And it's a terrible financial stress. And the economic strain are brought into these families. And it's a terrible financial stress. And the economic strain of having children is significant and real. And so is the emotional strain and the strain on the maturity level of parents that are maybe not ready to have those kids yet. The world has changed. We're not dying when we're 30 anymore. We don't need dozens of healthy, strong sons to work the fields and plows. That's not a world we're 30 anymore. We don't need dozens of healthy, strong sons to work the fields and plows. That's not a world we live in anymore. So this go forth and be plentiful and multiply and fuck like – that's not a useful worldview when we're all in competition for the same resources.

Not with $7 billion. Not with $7 billion it's not. And to have such a short-sighted bunch of dipshits get together. These I mean, these are just white, rich, white dudes. That's the only people you're talking to. Like these are the only people that are that are even even making decisions for the rest of us are people that are so unhinged from reality. I don't care which side of the aisle they sit on. So unhinged from reality that they can't even remotely think what it's like to be a poor person in this world, to be a woman in this world, to be forced to come to terms with a child that is the subject or the product of rape and incest. You just think if you don't have empathy for somebody who gets impregnated through rape or through incest and you don't have any empathy for that person, you've never had anything bad happen to you in your life. You've lived a life of such comfort that nothing bad has ever affected you or anyone you cared about. The worst thing that's

happened is you've fucking gotten to a fender bender with your Jaguar. That's the worst thing that's ever happened to you. So you of course won't have any empathy and you'll look down your nose at these people and be like, how could they not take care of this child? Well, guess what? If your wife was raped, you would have a totally different opinion of this. And people's wives get raped. People's sisters get raped. People get raped by other people and they get impregnated by this process. A horrible thing. They should at least have some out and to talk about contraception in this way and be like, oh, well, we're just not going to include women. How dare you? How dare you call yourself some sort of group that can make any kind of decision whatsoever? You should be laughed at. And I'm glad people walked out on

that. I was in Indianola a few months ago and I was talking to someone who works at the Department of Public Welfare here. And she told me that the state of Iowa is going to get fined if they don't sign up more people under the Medicaid program. They're just pushing harder and harder to get more and more of you dependent upon them so they can get your vote. That's what the bottom line is. I don't want to make people's lives better by giving them somebody else's money. I want to give them the opportunity to go out and earn the money and provide for themselves and their families. So Cecil, I have to just laugh at this next story. This is from NPR.

Santorum's tax returns draw critics of his low charitable giving. You know, here we've got Santorum trying to be president of the United States. You know, he's trying to push forward this aggressively religious ideology. You know, he's on this contraception debate all over it. He is constantly making reference to God's law and religiosity. He's a Catholic. He should be tithing 10 percent. He tithes about 3 percent or less.

The best is 3 percent. That's his total charitable givings. Oh, God, Tom, this is so ridiculous. And these are the people, you know, you get these people who absolutely loathe governmental social programs, absolutely hate them with a passion to the point where they would eradicate large swaths of government spending, which is, you know, really tiny in comparison to other things that we do that cost a fucking gobs of money, right? The things that we do that cost a fucking gobs of money, right? The things that we do that cost gobs of money, they don't even pay attention to.

It's all these smoke and mirrors to get you thinking, oh, well, I'm going to be a cut fucking spending fucking president if you put me in there and I'm going to cut the fuck out of that spending. And then they get in there and they're like, yeah, we cut $2 billion, but we took it right out of the fucking, you know, out of the government programs that provide for people. But we took it right out of the fucking, you know, out of the government programs that provide for people. The fact is, is these people that are so against the government spending, they all fucking profess the charitable social net. They talk about this social safety net that exists, that if you cut out this government spending for this social safety net, you know, the charities are there already. They're there to swoop in and to give

people free medical care. And, you know, the world would be so much better if people just gave. And that's where it came from. Well, you know what, Santorum, you don't give anything. So guess what? Those people that you're saying, oh, well, you know what? Charity will take care of them. Well, you certainly aren't you fucking jackass, you worthless piece of shit who makes a fuck ton of money and doesn't give back to anyone you are a degenerate you are an awful person you are the worst type of person you are the type of person who will convince other people not to give yeah you are the worst type i have no idea how this guy has any traction anywhere. I can't imagine. Seriously, if anybody, who's voting

for this guy? He's winning the internet right now. This guy is winning. He's fucking Charlie Sheening this shit right now. I don't understand at all. He's a double hypocrite right now. This is like, he's a hypocrite in the ways that you said. He's a hypocrite by

not tithing to his church. The minimum should be 10 percent. If he's giving no money to any other organization but his church and tithings, it should be 10 percent. And so he's not being good as far as just being a decent humanitarian person living up to his ideals of saying, well, we'll let the churches take care of him. And he's not even being a good Catholic. He's not scraping by either, Tom. It's not like this guy's making it on $100,000 a year for a couple and a family. This guy is making a fucking tidy sum of over a quarter million dollars a year.

Right. Right. He's making tons of money. You know, his reports, he made $1.1 million in 2009 alone. $923,000 in 2010. Oh, I messed up. I was looking at how much he was taxed. Yeah, that's his taxes. I messed up.

He was fucking making fucking fuck tons of money. Fuck this guy. Fuck you, Santorum. You dick. I hate you I know this it would be can you imagine honestly can you imagine doing this show next year and saying President Santorum dude you know one thing I will say it will be great for this show the one thing is it would be bad for me and as a person because I would have a fucking nervous breakdown the first 20 minutes that guy's in office.

You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers. I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. So we like to finish the show with a story of total insanity. I absolutely love the picture. The picture is worth all the words.

The picture is outstanding. The picture is worth all the words. The picture is outstanding. So go to our website. You'll be able to find a picture from Ghana Web. I'll try to get this picture and post it as the picture for our show this time. Awesome. Awesome. This is a story from Ghana Web.

And I tried on Twitter and Facebook, and I just cannot beat. I just cannot beat the humor value of the headline alone. Evangelist arrested for having sex with a pregnant sheep. I love that the sheep is pregnant.

I love that it's an evangelist. I wonder what he's evangelizing. I wonder what his sermons are like. This is what he's evangelizing. Like, I wonder what his sermons are like. This is a dirty, dirty boy. What I read here, it says, the second paragraph, it says, the high-pitched bleat of the sheep at 1700 hours on Thursday attracted the attention of resident farmer who caught the evangelist.

Now, it doesn't say, and it says he was having intercourse with the sheep who was tied to a tree. Now, it doesn't say, and it says he was having intercourse with the sheep who was tied to a tree. Now, it doesn't say that the sheep wasn't enjoying it. Like, maybe the high pitch of the sheep was like, yeah, give it to me. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, tie me to that.

You know, maybe. We don't know. You can't tell. Maybe it liked being tied up. Some people like that. This could be their thing. Maybe that was the safe word. You never know. They could have had a longstanding, consensual sheep and evangelist relationship. Absolutely consensual. One had nuzzled me once in a while, so it wanted more.

Entirely. It was asking for it, being pregnant and all. I am baffled. Just absolutely baffled at the idea that at some point you're looking at the sheep thinking, I'd hit that. I've looked at a sheep and been like, I'd eat that. I would fucking butcher that thing, give me some mint jelly and we'll go to town. Oh, I know, I know. Although this sheep does not look very appetizing, I will admit.

It keeps looking at me, too. It's looking at me. The coquettish smile. I'm scrolling up so I can't see it anymore. What a weird, weird thing, though. So odd. And it's funny, too, because they took both him and the sheep to the police station. I saw that, like the sheep is going to testify.

Or, like, maybe the sheep's in trouble. And I'm just thinking, well, the sheep didn't do anything. The sheep got tied to a tree and then, you know, sexually assaulted, basically. Or like maybe the sheep's in trouble. And I'm just thinking, well, the sheep didn't do anything. The sheep got tied to a tree and then sexually assaulted basically. Fucking a pregnant sheep. I like too that they knew the sheep was pregnant. They're just like, I wonder if it's his. We got an email from Andy. Andy sent us a Christopher Hitchens limerick.

I think this is great. There once was an old priest from Birmingham who fucked little boys while confirming them. They got on their knees, he did as he pleased, and pumped his episcopal sperm in them. That's so awful. Oh, that's awesome. I have to to say i enjoy the adjectives in that i liked the adjectives that he was using i thought that they were great bravo good sir well played i thought

that was very funny um we got an email from tim now it, this is kind of funny. Our last episode, we had a guest on. We had Thomas on. And things devolved very quickly at the beginning of that episode. Within the first 20 seconds of that episode. It was just downhill from there. Thomas has no filter, and it was awesome. It was phenomenal, but it was just horrifyingly filthy. Yeah, it was ridiculously filthy.

This, of course, Tim sends us this email. Hi, guys. I enjoy your podcast so much. I recently recommended it to one of my daughters who has political and religious views similar to my own. Unfortunately, I sent her a link to episode 34 without having listened to it myself. Now I feel the need to explain to her why I would

recommend a podcast which has as its primary topic of conversation, gay cocks. I am unsure about my future contact, if any, with my grandchildren. Oh, well, babysitting was never my bag anyway. Sorry, Tim. Thanks for listening. We're glad we got one listener out of that.

So, yeah, nice. That's fantastic. Cecil, we got an email from Nancy. Okay, hold on. I got to find the old-timey music. Hold on.il, we got an email from Nancy or Albert. I got to find the old-timey music. Hold on. Okay, I got it. Go ahead.

Yeah, we got an email from Nancy or Albert. I'm going to have to go ahead and read this. Nancy or Albert. Now, we're not sure who's sending it. Now, it's signed at the bottom, Nana. Nana. And it could be Nancy, although Albert may be going by the nickname of Nana, too. We're not sure.

We're not going to judge either. I'm going to judge. I am guessing that you are very old. That is what I'm saying. I am ashamed of you. I recently stumbled upon your podcast. And I must say I was extremely disappointed. While your topics are relevant and generally your viewpoint's valid, your presentation is disgusting.

Your language reflects a lack of vocabulary, particularly in the area of adjectives and adverbs, where the F word seems to be the only available choice to you. Nancy is, of course, Jimmy Stewart's sister, by the way. I don't do voices. I'm just going to read it. You sound like a couple of 14-year-olds giggling in the barn. I wish you would grow up and clean up your act. Most of the fellow atheists

I've encountered are well-educated, respectful, and quite interesting. It's fine not to believe in gods. I'm glad I have her permission. That's cool. Thanks, Nana. Good. But I do respect societal norms and standards. Obviously, you're cool with societal norms being gay should stay in the closet then probably. Yeah, that's not the show. There's problems.

It is evident that you do not even respect yourselves. I think that's probably accurate, actually. Why start now? Have you seen me? Oh my gosh. There's not enough respect to wrap around a lower half. Are you kidding? I'll wrap my meatloaf in respect and eat the fuck out of that. I'll tell you that. It is jerks like you.

Jerks. What a jerk. They give us all a bad name. You wonder why we are the least trusted or liked minorities? No, I don't wonder at all. I know why. Actually, I know why, yeah. Listen to yourselves.

I do. Every time the show comes out, I enjoy it. Perhaps you should look into humanism, which promotes being good without God. I'm good, Nana. I'm it. Perhaps you should look into humanism, which promotes being good without God. I'm good, Nana. I'm good. Nana! Why are you so mean to me? Oh, Nana. Nana, we're sorry. Nana, it's a time. Oh, do you want to read the rest? Oh, P.S. If you choose to read

this email on the podcast, I won't know because I'm never listening again. Aww. Oh, man. My heart's... Cecil, is your heart broken? It is. You know, it's very small, so I don't feel it. Yeah. It's a tiny little heart. It's my atheist, tiny little atheist heart which beats inside my rib cage.

I want to say to Nana, thanks for taking time out of your Red Hat Society meetings to actually email us where we appreciate that you – maybe they let you near a computer in the home, which is nice too. We're glad that you're still coherent enough, Nana, to send us email. Tom responded to her and I thought very judiciously, Tom was very nice to her. I thought he basically said, hey, you kind of ignored multiple warnings

that we're going to swear and you still got offended. It's like those fucking idiots who go and take their kids to, you know, an NC-17 movie with Angelina Jolie fucking spreading her pussy lips. And it's like, it's like, oh, I can't believe she fucking spread her pussy lips and, you know, take it deep or whatever, you know, like you asshole. What the fuck were you thinking? You dummy. You fucking tried to fuck.

You're trying to be offended at that point. If you actually make it into our podcast, pass the fucking disclaimers that we put up, and you're now offended by it, you're an asshole. And I just want to say, Nana, that Grandma Lois would kick your fucking candy ass. That's all there is to it. Hey, this spicy food is hot. Yeah. What? It said spicy right fucking next to it on the menu.

Stupid shit. This lady sounds so old. I don't know. Like, her skin is so saggy, you'd have to circumcise her tits just to see her nipples. You know what I mean? Oh, my God. I'm trying to be. Tom, I'm trying to be as offensive as I can right now. I hope I'm coming off as nice and offensive. I don't know if I mean? Oh, my God! I'm trying to be. Tom, I'm trying to be as offensive as I can right now.

I hope I'm coming off as nice and offensive. I don't know if I am. I feel uncomfortable. That takes a lot. Wow. All right, moving on. Bye, Nana. Sorry you didn't enjoy the show.

I'm going to defecate in your soup. That's the worst soup ever. We got an email from Chris. Chris makes a libertarian argument. We got actually a decent amount of feedback about our bagging on raw milk. We did get a lot of feedback on that. We did. And a lot of it boils down to, hey, it tastes better and people should be able to do what they

want. I don't fundamentally disagree with that. I think raw milk is still dangerous, though. I didn't say you shouldn't be able to have it. I said i think it's stupid um and i do i think it's stupid if you think it tastes better great that's your deal um i think eating dangerous food that doesn't have to be dangerous is a bad decision that's that that's my call like if i got milk in the house i want to make sure it's not a fucking loaded gun in my refrigerator you know what i mean like I don't keep orange juice that electrifies you one out of every four times you open the cap. You just don't do that. You open the orange juice

and a knife comes out. I don't care how good the orange juice is. Orange juice better be fucking delicious then. What I want to say to this is I have in the past my body is a temple to unhealthiness. Let me just throw this out there.

Okay, so my body, it's like a temple to bad decisions when it comes to food and choosing bad foods over good foods, right? Obviously, we could all choose good foods all the time, and we choose not to sometimes. I mean, and I think, Tom, both of our bodies are a testament to choosing cake over granola. I think that that's just the way it is. I sprinkled the granola on the cake for the texture. Are you fucking kidding me?

So anyway, the thing is, as I get it, I understand and agree that sometimes we make trade-offs. We say this may be dangerous to a slight degree or a not so slight degree, but I'm still going to eat it because it has a benefit to me. I think it tastes better. Raw milk falls into this category. I think raw oysters could fall into this category. A medium-rare hamburger,

if you take that hamburger that might have some E. coli in it, could be a dangerous food to eat. There's lots of things. Eggs can give you salmonella. Cookie dough can be a dangerous thing to eat. Whenever I make cookies, I almost always eat some of the dough. Whenever I make a cake.

All of the dough. Read here, folks, all of the dough. Whenever I lick the batter on the cake, I eat the – you know what I mean? So like I understand and I take those risks too. And so I don't discount or laugh at people for choosing to take those risks. But I will argue that is not – I don't want to hear anybody to get up in my face or to send me messages or to tell me how stupid I am because I don't drink raw milk and they think it's somehow better for me. Raw milk I don't think is going to be better for you. I think there may be a better choice there where you choose to drink the raw milk because

it tastes better. But I think that's different than saying it's better for me. So that's what I think we were railing on. And maybe we were unclear. But if you want to drink it and you think it's good and the libertarian in you is saying, fucking drink the fuck out of whatever you want, hey, I'm down. We're actually cool with legalizing drugs. So fucking raw milk.

Yeah, raw milk is not falling under the illegal category. I just personally think, like you said, I'm not buying the argument that it's better for you. I'm not buying the milk nuttery that says that, oh, you pasteurized milk, you killed all the enzymes. Now it's undigestible. Fuck you. No, that's nonsense. That's a retarded thing to say. Thank you for all the emails and the feedback, though. It's once in a while we'll say something that's kind of controversial, at least to some people, and we'll get great emails for it. So we want to thank everybody who emailed. Absolutely. We got an email from Kevin. Kevin, you gave us, this was a great email. Thank you

very much. You gave us a sort of a history of the evolution of the use of non-lethal weapons. And we've talked about this in the past. And the use of non-lethal weapons to gain compliance has grown over the years. Whereas it was originally an alternative to lethal, you know, options, you know, and it was used when a lethal option would have otherwise been used. Now it's used because you are arguing about a traffic ticket. Yeah. And he urges people to watch a TED Talk by Stephen Coleman called The Moral Dangers of Lethal Weapons. I have not seen

this yet, Kevin, but I will watch it. And if you're interested to watch this thing that Kevin suggests, the TED Talks are available online. All you have to do is search for TED and the TED conference will come up and the videos are there. You can certainly search for this. And I'll say it again, Stephen Coleman, the moral dangers of lethal weapons, not lethal or, you know, there is certainly as moral dangers to lethal weapons too. I mean,

and, and lethal weapon, the movie I think is a moral danger. So the weapon too, certainly. Yeah, absolutely. Lethal weapon four is unbearably bad. It's got Jet Li in it.

I mean, you chose to put Jet Li in your, oh, anyway. All right. So, we got... This is kind of funny. We were getting like a back and forth between

two of our listeners on our email where they can't see each other. They can't see each other and talk to each other. Martin and Carlos both claim that they're the number one Mexican-American fan of the show and they're having an email duel right now but they can't see each other emailing each other

because they're emailing us. So move this to Facebook. I know, you guys should totally have a duel on Facebook or in the comments section. And they say, there's a very funny back and forth, and to be honest, I certainly wouldn't want to tussle with Martin here, who used to be a nationally ranked amateur boxer.

Yeah, Martin and I are going to get along. I'm just saying. Martin, you and I, we're buddies. I will buy you enough beers to where you fall down on your own. That's the only way. The only way, yeah. That's the only way you're going to win that. But I do want to read the PS on Martin's email.

Last week I told Martin that he didn't have to Santorum himself, that there would be plenty of people to Santorum him. All he'd have to do is just check on Craigslist. He sends us a long email, which is very funny. I'm not going to read it all. And he could post to the boards and get into a fight like we said. But one of the things that he said, he said, PS, I went to Craigslist for a laugh regarding the Santorum thing. Ted Haggard replied. And I laughed out loud when I heard that

because we are big fans of Ted Haggard here on this show. Good man, really. Good, good man. This is a man who embodies cognitive dissonance. So we are huge fans of Ted Haggard. So thanks, Martin. Thanks for the email. And anybody can reach us on Facebook and talk to us via Facebook.

We're really easy to find. Cognitive Distance Podcast is super easy to find on there. And I hate my job, so a lot of times I'm on there. Tom is on there. It's funny because people will talk to Cecil on there. And whenever somebody says, nice job on here, Cecil, I'll always like it because I have access to it too. I'm like, ha-ha. But it's mainly Tom who's doing the Facebooking.

I'm not really doing it a lot. I will like people's posts and occasionally respond. But I'm more busy doing sort of back-end stuff on the site and mixing the podcast. So we got a long email from someone named AM. And AM sent us a long email about spirituality. I don't want to read the whole email. I want to thank you for the email, though. Thanks for bringing this up. This is something that, you know, there are people, I'm sure, that listen to our show

that fall into our sort of religious views and maybe even our secular views, Tom. But don't carry the same sort of level of atheism that we do. We're happy to have you as listeners. of atheism that we do. We're happy to have you as listeners. My wife is a believer. She is a universalist, which is a very interesting belief structure she has. I don't believe the same things that she does. I respect people. And I think, Tom, you and I both individually respect people of belief. It's not something that we attack. The moment somebody tries to drag, you know, the public into this and say that everybody should believe, that's when we start saying, no, this is a bad idea. Or when people abuse their power as religious people, we call them out on it. But I don't think I have any kind of disdain for people who believe. And I think that that's probably evident to this person

because in the email, they mentioned this. So thank you for listening. And we're happy that you're here. So we want to do something a little different with the skeptics' creed this time. We had one of our listeners actually give us a phone call and read the skeptics' creed. And so we're going to stay with our tradition

of using the Google Voice translation. So I'm going to do this a little backwards. with our tradition of using the Google Voice translation. So I'm going to do this a little backwards. I'm going to read the Google Voice translation of the Skeptic's Creed first, and then we're going to go out with our listener reading the Skeptic's Creed for you. So this is Google Voice's translation of the Skeptic's Creed. For duality is not a virtue. I love that. I would agree with that. This might actually turn out to be better than, no, I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. It's not going to be better. It certainly will be. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue hit. No Babylon, talk too soon. Scientists in double double toil and trouble. Pseudo quasi alternative acupuncture waiting pressurized stereo gram cur metal free healing energy water downward spiral brain deadpan paint sales pitch late 19th all doc you came and i don't know how that's not bad

it's not bad it's really getting better. Yeah. Corn says that my breast. Leo places cancer curious detox reflexes litmus Stephanie Powers to build card psychic keeling crystal balls Bigfoot Yeti aliens churches muffs. It's Yeti though. It's Y-I-D-D-E or something like that. Churches muffs. I like muffs. It's Yeti though. It's Y-I-D-D-E or something like that. Church's muffs. I like muffs too. Instant to guy temples dragons giant William. Giant William?

I was lentils. Delton's truth. There's birth. His witch is with. His witch is with. They're inspecting the shaman. Feelers, you page with conspiracy doublespeak to him out announce that exposure sides

pressure hand, bloody evidence, old conclusive doubt, even day. I don't know, Tom. It's close. It's not as good as yours. It's not as good as yours, but it's close. And so we're going to leave Patrick, who sent us this voicemail, to close out the show. We're going to play his entire voicemail, which also includes some other stuff.

But we're going to actually have him read the Skeptic's Creed on the way out today. So thanks for joining us and thanks for listening. Hey, Cecil and Tom. This is Patrick, longtime listener, first-time voicemail leaver. And I wanted to try something that she suggested would be interesting to hear Google translate. So I'm going to go ahead and try the skeptics creed, and we'll see how this turns out. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Creed, and we'll see how this turns out. Credulity is not a virtue.

It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno Babylon bullshit. Couching, scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo quasi alternative, act to punctuating, pressurized, serial grand, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water downward, spiral brain dead pit, sales pitch, late night info, vacuum chain. I don't know how Tom says that in one breath Leo Pisces Cancer Cures Detox Reflex Foot Massage

Death and Tower Hero Cards Psychic Healing Crystal Balls Bigfoot Yeti Aliens Churches Mosques

and Synagogues Temples Dragons Giant Worms Atlantos Dolphin Truthers Birthers Witches Wizards Bats Shaman Healers Evangelists Anagogs, temples, dragons, giant worms, of landfills, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, back team nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy,

doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. So that is it. I screwed up a couple times. I'm interested to hear how it sounds through Google Translate,

and I'd also like to say hello to a couple new listeners that I hope I've turned on to your nonsense. That is Sean and Sarah. So good luck, guys. You guys have been doing an amazing job. I am still waiting for that last episode of Everyone's a Critic, by the way. I actually have a bet with the Chief, and I don't think you guys are going to do it. So, yeah, prove me wrong so he can win his dollar. All right, bye.

The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. Outro Music