Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 350: Hooker Cakes

Episode Date: March 27, 2017

  Adam Reakes:  Angry Black Rant:  Franco Soup:  

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Hey guys, long time listener, first time caller. As you can probably tell from the accent, I'm from the UK. And we just got hit with a terrorist attack here. It's looking like it was probably religiously motivated. It was looking like it was probably religiously motivated. And already online, we've got the trending hashtags of we are not afraid and pray for London. And I don't know why, but I'm so incredibly angry at pray for London. Guess what, motherfuckers? Praying for God is here in the first place.

The guy who did what he did, that asshole who killed those people, you know what, he was doing what God told him to do. I'm just so intensely angry. Anyway, glory hole, motherfuckers. Keep up the good work. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from glory hole studios in chicago this is cognitive dissonance every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big or makes us mad.

It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome mat. This is episode 350 of Cognitive Dissonance, Cecil. It's very exciting. It's 1130 at night. 350. Cognitive dissonance, Cecil. It's very exciting. It's 1130 at night.

350. I know. Yeah. Yeah. We are starting this fucking recording almost the day after we started this fucking recording. This has been a long day, buddy. We get shit. It's been a bit of a burner. We get shit from other podcasters about like, they're like, oh, you only been recording

for like a few hours. It's like, yeah, but I also worked fucking eight hour shift today. Right? It's like I have a job. Yeah. Like an actual job. This is a side gig. I also fucking worked all day. Man. Hello, NACPA.

Hello, WEPA. Hello, WEPA. All right. So let's just launch right into it. This is a story from the friendly atheist blog over at Patheos. And it is crazy train. It's so weird, dude. Islamic cleric, the Simpsons episode predicting Trump's presidency is a plot. And I love this to discredit Allah to discredit him. Like the Simpsons are going to discredit a God,

like an actual, like a God's like, well, I guess you proved me wrong. Trump's going to grab his pussy. Got to reach into that nine, nine year old girls. Oh, you got me. Did I swoop in on your nine year old? Trump's going to grab his pussy. Gotta reach into that nine-year-old girl's pants. Oh, you got me.

Did I swoop in on your nine-year-old before you had a chance to get it? I should have gotten her when she was eight. Yeah, well, the thing is Andy Wilson just throws that up. It's like a jump ball. Right? Oh, he didn't say she was Filipino. Let let's just let's just say though this is just some weird guy sitting on a carpet and it's not a flying

carpet because that's racist so i don't want to say that he's going to show us the world yeah so one of the things that they say it says that means so he's talking about how the the number nine and the number 11 are the devil right so the antichrist the satan is nine and antichrist is 11 i don't know what are they fucking is it is it is it like just like father son holy ghost satan antichrist, succubus or something like that? Like, what is it? Is there an unholy trinity other than Seth Andrews and Aaron Raw and Matt Delonte? The other one.

The other one. The other one. Matt Delonte is the other one. I love that. What's his face? So and so. The other one. The other one.

That's awesome. They are and so. The other one. The other one. That's awesome. They are teen girls. Teen girls. No, but he says, he says nine. Yeah, I know. It's fucking homestyle. One deep cut right there for you. Number nine is Satan.

Number 11 is the Antichrist. 10 is Allah. He's like, when you dial 911, you're asking Satan or Antichrist for help. What if you crash a, like a airplane in a building on 9-11? Is that, is that perpetrated by Satan and the Antichrist? Well, then what happens then? Because then like that happens and clearly people dial 911 on 9-1-1. Oh my God.

Ah, I don't know. It's so meta. Like a fucking, this is just, this is what happens when like your brain like takes like that synesthesia route, you know, like where it's like, I smell colors. It's like,

all right. All right. You just like, but instead it's just like, I smell numbers. Like everything's just fucking muddle fucked up in your brain. Like maybe these fucking assholes that are like, well,

and then nine one one is this. And that is that maybe it's the same thing. It's just all the fucking wires up that are like, well, and then 911 is this and that is that. Maybe it's the same thing. It's just all the fucking wires up there are just fucking jumble fucked together. It's like, it's like instead of like regular neurons, it's like the fucking Christmas lights. It's somebody crammed into a box and they're like in a fucking rat's nest. And dad's trying to like fucking separate them all. The bulbs are all fucked up.

That's his brain. It's like pasta the next day. Separate them all. The bulbs are all fucked up. That's his brain. It's like pasta the next day. There's not like, no, I just got to, I have to reheat this clump. It's like dried Chinese noodles.

It's fucking like in there. You know, I want to read this too. It says also if you fold paper currency a certain way, and you're talking about a $20 bill, you can create the image of the World Trade Center collapsing. It's another part of the conspiracy Al Maghrabi says since the 20 was designed before the attacks. So,

what? I know, right? Do you even know? Wait, so man, hold on. He's like fucking hitting a one hitter. I know, right? So imagine this. Here's the thing.

Like, like JFK was a conspiracy because they created guns before he died. Dude, did you click on the fold paper currency thing? I didn't. Click on the fold. Look, look at what he's even referring to. Oh yeah. Yeah. I've seen this before.

Yeah. You have to like, you have to break your ass. That looks ridiculous. Right? It doesn't even look like that. Because, you know, I'm to like, you have to break your ass. That's ridiculous. Right? It doesn't even look like that. Because, you know, I'm an idiot, right? So everybody knows this. So I was like, wait a minute.

Are the fucking World Trade Center towers on a 20? Yeah. Like, I don't fucking pay for things with a 20. It's garbage money. So that's for peasants. So I borrowed a 20 from a poor person. Who are you kidding, man? You give all your money to your wife you're like

fucking you're sitting on the corner being like hey bro can you buy me a starbucks well shouldn't our religious ideas stand up even under a scientific approach i mean either thing is true or it isn't. Well, certainly. But listen, Joe, there's some things we just have to accept on faith. That looks shop. I can tell by the pixels. Sister comes from American News Access. GOP lawmaker who doesn't at all look inbred wants Christian doomsday militias. Come on.

Hold on a second. No, you're right. This is a composite image of Josiah Magnuson. Josiah? First of all, everybody named Josiah is inbred. Everybody. Every single person is the result of brother-sister love. That's because

Josiah is a male and a female name crushed together. This guy, seriously, he's a flower in the attic. You know what I mean? Like, he's fucking wilted. He looks like he has a steady diet of arsenic. He's got that, like, desperately unhealthy, like,

coal mining, strip mine kind of glow to him, you know? And it looks like the coal mine is collapsing in this picture. It's like a big black cloud. Or maybe it's just a black lung i don't know i can't tell can't tell out there it's all the same this gop lawmaker wants christian doomsday militias to quote restore the fabric of america what the fuck would you want to restore the fabric of america

for if you're a doomsday militia you're a doomsday militia. It doesn't even make any sense. It literally makes no sense. What do you, you're doing doomsday wrong if you're trying to prevent the doom day. This is a Christian survivalist militia that seeks to undermine the federal government. And I had no idea Russians controlled Christian militia. I didn't realize that was the case. Well, you know, it would be hard for you to know that because they would have to hack something that happened down south. No, it's cool. Nunez came out and said, it's cool. It's cool. Sorry. No, it would be hard for you to know that because they would have to hack something that happened down south. No, it's cool.

Nunez came out and said it's cool. It's cool. Sorry. No, it's fine. It's fine. Problem solved. This is another thing, too, that says in this article, it says Josiah Magnuson, which is a fake name, by the way. That's his porn name.

It's a great porn name. It is a great porn name, isn't it? That's a great porn name. It's a great porn name. For inbred porn. Yeah, absolutely. I'm going to fuck his mom and videotape it and just call myself Josiah. For incest porn? Yeah. Absolutely. Josiah Magnuson is like a perfect

incest porn name. That's awesome. Also just bought one acre near his home to build a so-called island of refuge. But the true goal is to train and equip one million neighborhood leaders on a one acre plot of land? Build a fresh million neighborhood leaders. I know one acre plot of land,

a fresh beginning for America on a one acre, one acre plot of land. If you want a single acre, a million people, if you stood people side by side for an acre, you'd get like 40,000 people in an acre. Yo, if I,

my math is right. You're 900, some fucking thousand people short. What if it's like a six month program? You're not a, if my math is right you're 900 some fucking thousand people short what if it's like a six month program you're not you're into this for like 25 years at that point and they have to stand side by side if you think

the world's got 25 years more left in it why are you in a doomsday prepping cult or whatever I mean unless it's just that like he's just going to make like a tough mutter there like the one hicker and they're just going to run. Let me tell you something, Alan. If America continues to reject the mercy of the Christian cross, America will live under the tyranny of the Islamic sword. This story is from The Washington Post.

The Texas Attorney General sued to keep a Bible quote in school. Now he's troubled by Muslim prayers. This, I like this story because it falls into the fucking hypocrite category. You know, this is, uh, this is exactly what it sounds like. Uh, you know, this guy really did fight to make sure, um, that he sued a middle school principal to keep a Bible quote on a door. Um, and you know, he, he, he now is all fucking butth a door. And, you know, he, he, he now is all fucking butthurt that there's, you know,

Muslim prayers in schools, you know, and even sent a letter saying that this is like very troubling and, you know, it, it preferences one religion over other religions. And it's like, you're either that insanely obtuse.

You just, you're so unselfaware that like, it should be fucking criminal. It should actually be criminalized to not know yourself that well and not understand your actions that well. Or he's just such a bag of assholes. Like those are the only two options, right? Yeah. I just say I feel like I feel like it's a little column A, a little column B.

I think he doesn't care about other people's religions at all. But he's also a little unself aware. I mean, he's talking about how pissed off he is that these Muslims get a chance to be in this room. And he's talking to the school principal. He's like, oh, this got to stop, et cetera, et cetera. And I sent you a letter, and the school principal's like, bro, this is the first we've heard of it. And it's like in the paper. I don't know what you're talking about. this is the first we've heard of it and it's like in the paper. I don't know what you're talking about.

But I really do feel like this is the major problem with religious preference in government. This is what you see. And this is why groups try to point out absurdities with it. The Satanists try to point out these absurdities all the time. Could you imagine? They would immediately shut this room down if the Satanists said they wanted to pray in it. Absolutely.

Immediately shut this room down. And Muslims, not much higher on the list than Satanists, to be honest. Do you think they're even higher? Do you think they are higher than the Satanists? I don't know. I don't think like the idiots.

Because I think like a lot of these, yeah, I know. I couldn't tell you. I think a lot of these dumb fucks don't think that there's a difference. Right. Right. They just take everything

that isn't Christianity and they put it in the Satan category. Yeah. I heard, I remember a long time ago, I was reading a book. I mentioned this on the show before, but I was at a job with a bunch of guys that all they did for their living

was move boxes. I was reading a Buddhist book and the guy came up and said, what are you reading? I said, a Buddhist book. He said, you got to watch out because they're going to lie to you. I said, what do you mean, lie to me? He said, anything that isn't Jesus Christ is a lie. I'm thinking, dude, you loaned me fucking Highlander 3 last week.

Is that a lie? Like, what the fuck? Is that the one where their heads pop off like fucking Pez dispensers? Come on, they all pop off like that. Are you kidding me? I saw one of those movies and heads fucking, they were like barely attached on that shit. They were like paper mache heads. Like fucking ISIS.

Lord, we just asked it to be covered with the blood of Jesus. Open hearts, Lord. Open hearts. This is the story from the Boise Weekly Update. Idaho Senate kills faith healing bill 11 to 24. Idaho didn't fuck something up. I was

astonished when I read this. What's Idaho? What is that? Idaho is a potato farm in America that I don't know. Nobody knows the answer to that question. Nobody can find it on a map. I think it's the one that looks like it's got a handle on the top

and then irreverence at the bottom. It's the mutton steak. It looks like a big piece of mutton. It's not as good as you think. it's not as good as you think it's not as good as you think i want to read part of this all right but the proposal found stiff opposition from both sides of the issue with some arguing the bill didn't go far enough to protect the children while others thought that the bill discriminated against those that

turned to their faith rather than traditional medicine. Yeah, I do like the Senate majority, the Senate majority leader said, I think we found a way to introduce a bill to offend everybody. He's just like, look, we fucked this thing right up. Oh, they fucking ruined it. We just fucked this thing up. It didn't

go far enough, went too far. It's like nobody fucking liked it. We just fucked this thing up. It didn't go far enough. It went too far. It's like nobody fucking liked it. I love that. And the dissenting opinion was, we believe that medications impact our eternity. It should be left to the families on how to protect the children. What kind of nation or state are we becoming when you go to prison for trusting God? I don't know. The kind of fucking nation that protects fucking kids from dipshit parents

that are neglectful, that are outwardly neglectful to their kids. You know, you said it best one time. You're just like, why do we feed them? You know, if it's up to God to fucking heal them, why do I even feed them? Why do I clothe them? Why don't I just fucking shit this kid out

and just release it into the wild like a piglet? know what i mean just like go get him go get him tiger i'm out of here because if god wants him to live god wants him to fucking live they're gonna live yeah right everything's fate everything's fucking it's whim of a deity well if it's a fucking whim of the deity that the kid gives out and gets raised by wild boars, then fucking who cares? Comes back with tusks. Seriously, man. These people,

but I'm just picturing like, like rock steady, a beep up, show up at your door. Like, they're like, it's a cowabunga man. Where's Donatello?

Oh God. You know, I, I did, I did read that when I read the article, I agree with you because it was, it's like, the fact that people didn't vote for it because it wasn't terrible enough. I know. It wasn't fucking restrictive. Are you kidding me? You assholes. That's insane.

But I was just so grateful that it didn't pass. That's insane. But I was just so grateful that it didn't pass. And then I was tempered immediately with remembering that it wouldn't affect anybody if it did, because nobody lives in Idaho. You know, this reminds me of the health care bill and how it's not going to pass. And the reason why it's not going to pass is for some people. It's certainly not. It's not cutting shit enough. Right. Right. There's people that aren't going to vote for it. And they they had to table it anyway today but there's people who are going to vote for it anyway because it doesn't doesn't hurt enough people it doesn't help enough people but there's also a small segment where they're just like is there any way to just throw them up in the air and shoot them i'd like you to put poor people in a trap thrower for me i i do want to i do want to ask one question like from that quote that you read earlier trap-thrower for me. I do want to ask one question.

From that quote that you read earlier, when it said that we believe that the chemicals or the medicines or whatever affect our eternity. What the fuck do you think that means? Like, I took a medicine. I just walked through this. I do know what this means. So it's infinity minus one.

Is trusting God important? It's the only thing that gets favor from him. He doesn't respond to pain or tears or heartache. He only responds to being believed. Tom, let's talk about baby dicks. Again. Baby dicks. Again, Cecil. Baby dicks. It's from the New York Post. City Council vows action

on controversial circumcision. What the fuck is that? And here's the crazy. That is the baby dick grabber. That's the old duck bill clip-a-puss. We're looking at a tool here that I seriously have no idea what it is. I hope it's not used. It's under the hemostats, but I don't know what that is.

Is that like a, it's like an envelope opener, like that you would. Yeah, right, like a ye olde times. It's got like a razor blade in there. Maybe that's the, it's like an envelope opener. Like that you would. Yeah, right. Like a ye olde times. It's got like a razor blade in there. Maybe that's, maybe that's the, maybe it has one. That's how you take off the foreskins. The noodler. So, so if it's not crazy enough that for no reason, we just decided to lop off the end of a boy's penis.

Yeah, right. Like for just for no reason. For no reason. Like just, hey, let's take that calamari ring right off the tip. Sorry, I don't, I just don't like to look at them when they got the hoods on. I just like to look at them when they're a little peeping out of there. So I want to make sure all y'all clip the nips off the tops of those peepees. Okay.

So clip the nips off the top of those peepees. So like if it's not crazy enough that we do that for no reason right then like to stop the bleeding evidently you get an old man to suck baby dick sure yeah and that's how you stop the bleeding well one thing that they could do is maybe make a makeshift condom out of like one of those pinky finger cots yes and it should fit right over the baby dick don't ask me that's how i use don't ask me how I know that not Andy Wilson call me

you know what the thing is all the rabbis are walking around you're right they suck the fucking blood off the tip of the fucking bleeding cock that they just snip the fucking end off of right like a fucking like a fucking cuban cigar whatever a cigarillo i guess a smaller one but they snip the end off of it then they fucking put their fucking mouth on it their bearded fucking

rabbi mouth goes on the damn thing then they suck the blood out what What do you think? It's a snake bite? I don't know. And then we're circumcising with rattlesnakes. Some of these kids get herpes because of it. Yeah. And the reason why they want to stop this is because they had an agreement with these Moyles who are like, yeah, well, hey, we'll make sure we, you know, if one of the kids gets herpes from this, we'll make sure to tell you who gave it to him so that Moyle then won't be able to do it. And evidently, there's been several cases of herpes and they're not telling who they're not.

They're bringing it to him like, hey, who's the fucking who's fucking Rabbi sore face? Yeah, where's Rabbi Pussface? Is he around here? We're looking for a breva is a breva around is it that no no i don't eugene cold sore over here but seriously like fucking like like they're not telling them at all right right i mean they're not telling them but but it's like this is like a triple fucking whammy of shit that should not be happening there's no reason to cut off the end of this kid's dick no reason there's no reason for cut off the end of this kid's dick. There's no reason for an old man to suck the blood off

of a little baby's dick. I would argue that in no instance should an old man suck a baby dick. I feel like there's no instance where anybody should suck a baby dick. We don't have to limit it to old men. In this case, I'm even saying, not even

other babies. Yeah, absolutely. You shouldn't put a baby dick in anybody's mouth. babies in this case like i'm even like i'm saying like not even other baby yeah absolutely you shouldn't put a baby dick in anybody's mouth no right so fucking 100 of the time sure that's a no yeah and then it's like what fucking your face gave a baby herpes your fucking face gave a baby herpes as a parent do you know what i would do to somebody that gave my baby herpes? Not touch his face, that's for sure. I would fucking ruin that motherfucker. I can't even imagine. Well, yeah.

You would have to say, hey, Rabbi, why don't you come over to my house and suck my kid's dick? Well, that was what I was going to say. But I say that, but I immediately take it back because it means I'm a fucking asshole because I hired a man to suck my baby's dick. Because they're not even doing this for free.

You know that's not for free. You've got to hire that subcontract somebody to suck your baby's dick. This is not volunteer herpes. You pay for these herpes. Like you normally do. Do you even get a discount? You normally pay for herpes, actually.

You always pay for herpes. Do we even get a discount? You normally pay for herpes, actually. You always pay for herpes. Yeah, fuck this story. This is from The Guardian. Pakistan asked Facebook and Twitter to help identify blasphemers. Companies approached in an effort to locate Pakistanis at home or abroad so they can be prosecuted or potentially extradited. Man, fuck that shit.

Just straight fuck that shit. Just straight. Fuck that shit. And you know, I know the companies, the reason I want to talk about this is that I do know that, you know, international companies, especially media companies, Google's face pressure, other companies have faced pressure when they try to do business overseas. They, they oftentimes have to conform. They always have to conform to the laws of the cup of the place that they're doing business. Sure. Right. Sure. You know, and I understand that, but fuck that shit. People's lives are on the line. Their actual lives are on the line. Social media is different. Social media has a different set of corporate responsibilities to protect its users from any organization, whether it's a country or a private organization that would

seek to identify users and target them and destroy them for things like freedom of speech. You have an obligation to do the right thing. I know you're just a company, but you have an obligation, I think, to do the right thing and to tell a country like Pakistan to go fuck off. Build your own fucking Facebook and Twitter, Pakistan. Good luck. Oh, you don't build anything ever because you're garbage. How many goats stack on top of each other for Twitter? How many goats do you need to stack? How does the conversation even go? It's like, oh, hey, Twitter. Yeah, it's Pakistan. I wanted you to, you know, sort of identify a few people so we could extradite them from like a civilized country to our shithole so we could murder them for being blasphemous and making fun of my imaginary.

Hello? Yeah. Hello? No. Are you still there? Twitter? Come back, Twitter. How the fuck does that conversation...

Why would you even entertain it for a second? These people in here that are radical Islamists in these countries, they want to kill other human beings for the crime of blasphemy. The state enforces those laws. You have to treat the whole state as if it's a fucking, like the stooges. You have to be like, no, you don't get to play with the big boys.

You murder people for blasphemy. You don't get to come to the table. You don't get to hang out with us. You know, we don't, you know, you should even be, you know, the thing is, is that you're empowering the people there by being there right so like twitter empowers users there it empowers the people that are behind this shitty fucking terrible shit bad government right that is willing

to murder its own citizens because it fucking offended a few people right but twitter empowers the people that are there that are doing the offense, that are not afraid of this imaginary friend, that are not afraid of the government, that are, you know, doing this sort of thing. And for Twitter to back out, for Twitter to pull away, for Facebook to pull away,

that's a bad thing for those countries, because those people have no way to express themselves. They can't, certainly can't. Look what happens when you become a blogger in some of those countries, and you become express themselves. They can't, certainly can't. Look what happens when you become a blogger in some of those countries. Yeah, right? And you become an out blogger. Right. Yeah.

Like fucking, say so long to your fucking head because they fucking hatchet you to death. Yeah, right. So this is a bad situation for those people. I'm glad Facebook said no. Yeah, I am too. Twitter said no. Right. And you wonder, like, will Pakistan as a result, you know, block Twitter, block Facebook, make

it more difficult for, you know, the beautiful thing about social media like this is it has this incredible democratizing effect. Right. And once that becomes limited by these governments and they're going to lie, I feel like they're going to limit it. Yeah. They're going to say like, oh, you know, you're not going to follow our laws. And that's how they see this. Right. You're not going to follow our laws.

Then we're not going to let you play here in our country. Sure. Because they really don't want Twitter. They really don't want Facebook. They really don't want social media outlets and not just social media, but the Internet itself, too, because they feel like they're going to get information that they don't they can't control. And so, yeah, I think it's a great thing for those countries to have it. And I'm glad that they're standing up for those citizens and not fucking turning in people for blasphemy. Ready to stick it in the glory hole? Get links to their Facebook, Twitter, and if you still use it, Google Plus account at their website, dissonancepod.com.

If you need to be all discreet about it, contact them by email at dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. Or you can call and leave a ransom message at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. Want to hear Cognitive Dissonance commercial free and gain access to exclusive content, including full patron-only shows? Head to patreon.com forward slash dissonance pod and become a patron to support the show on a per episode basis. Love commercials?

Not ready to become a patron? Give the guys a a per episode basis. Love commercials? Not ready to become a patron? Give the guys a five-star review on iTunes or Stitcher. Or tell your buddies in the drunk tank about the show. We want to send a big sloppy glory hole to all the patrons and people who rate us. You fucking rock. All right, so we had finished David Icke's book. Yes, we did. I'm still recovering from that trauma, by the way.

Done. Now we're doing two books at the same time. Tom, you're reading L. Ron Hubbard's classic. Classic. Classic. Yeah. Yeah. And I am reading Ray Comfort's.

Equally classic. Book about the Bible. It's like scientific facts. Where is it at? You didn't bring it? It's in my bag. I'm not even going to look at it. It's really bad. But one thing we did get a chance to do is we were in touch with Ray Comfort himself and he

offered to read parts of the book for us. He's so generous. He's so kind. Very generous guy. So we have Ray reading the very beginning. Now, this is the premise of the book. I'll play it for our audience right now. We may stop it a few times as we work our way through it. Here is a reading from Scientific Ficts in the Bible,

100 Reasons to Believe the Bible is Supernatural in Origin, and brackets, Hidden Wealth Series, end brackets. in origin and brackets hidden wealth series in brackets i love when somebody reads and they narrate the brackets i love it i should narrate all the punctuation yeah i hope he's doing quote unquote two later that'll be great that'll be great by ray comfort where's the evidence imagine that you are looking at a luxury liner moving through calm waters. To your amazement, about a dozen people jump off the ship and cling to a lifeboat. You watch as the rest of the passengers stand on the ship and laugh at them. You can understand their reaction.

What those few people did was foolish. It made no sense. Yeah. Yeah, you got me. Yeah. Right there. No, that's fair. Right there. I'm on a cruise ship.

Everything looks good. Unless it's the HMS Titanic. I think we're good. Here's the thing. I also think that if you jump off a cruise ship, now you're dead. Well, yeah, you deserve your fucking... No, the thing is, I think you'll float with your giant balls.

I think those little... Fucking cruise ships are up there, man. Look, unless you're fucking Greg Louganis, like doing a fucking half-pipe double joiner or whatever the fucking shit is called when you go diving. Exactly. We're going to get all kinds of messages from former divers. It's not called a double joiner. You just made that

up. I know. It's called a curler. Yeah, right. It's a biscuit joiner or something. I don't know. Now the woodworkers are mad. The cabinetry union sends us emails. Suddenly, the ship hits an unseen iceberg and sinks, taking with it all those who stayed on board.

Now you see that those who seemed like fools were wise, but those who stayed on the ship and seemed to be wise were fools. They're still stupid because they didn't see the iceberg your analogy i've already fucking your analogy right in the ass yeah your analogy they didn't see the iceberg it was unseen you said it was an unseen iceberg right they jumped and just hoped the iceberg

would be there that's what they just did they jumped and hoped everybody else would die also if the water is so cold, there's icebergs. Nobody wins. Right? Okay, now you're in a boat. Nobody wins. Dying slower of freezing now. We have in the Bible a command to jump off the luxury liner of this world.

And before you laugh at the stupid Christians, ask yourself, is there any proof that their claims are true? stupid Christians, ask yourself, is there any proof that the claims are true? The following pages give compelling evidence that the Bible is no ordinary book. Like how he ended it. Book.

222. 222. So this book that I read was amazing. Basically, he just goes through and post hoc rationalizes each 100 things. I guess he's going to go through 100 things, 100 different things.

You look so world weary when you say that. It's so boring. And it's so dumb. He's basically just looking at the Bible, finding a phrase, and post hoc rationalizing whether or not that came into existence after because of the Bible. So basically, one of the things he talks about, he talks about lightnings being something that the Bible says that lightnings will go and speak for you or something.

We'll go and speak for you or something. And he he immediately says, oh, well, we have electricity and as fast as the speed of light. And therefore, that's how God predicted that we would talk for through electricity. But that doesn't it doesn't mean anything. It's like it's like you going back and trying to piece something together when you you already have the answer. Right. It didn't predict it ahead of time. It didn't say, one day there will be a thing called a telegraph and there will be this code created by this guy named Morris. Right. Morris, sorry, Morris. Morris. Morris, different guy. Hey, it's Morris' code. What, hey, you guys.

But it's, so it's just, it's just him saying, him looking at the past and then easily tacking things on from the future that sort of fit. It's real easy to predict the future from the future. Right? It's real fucking easy. Well, let's see what's going to happen in the now time.

Well, okay. Super fucking easy. Because we're already here. Yeah. That's not a thing, guys. That's not how this works. That's not a thing, guys. That's not how this works. That's not a thing. And it's also like, well, you know, he had to say it. And I've

heard, like, you know, the justification. We had to say it in, you know, like, preliterate barbaric garbage terms because that's how those... Yeah, that's how those fucking illiterate folks would have understood it. It's like, well, then it didn't mean anything to them. What were they going to do with this information?

Yeah. Right? Why even put it in there if you can't act on it? Are you just being like, I'm going to tell you about the telegraph, but I'm not going to tell you because it won't mean anything. What I'm going to do is tell you in a way that you only understand it after you already did all the work to build it yourself. What good was it? Yeah. Right?

Why don't you tell me about like antibiotics, motherfucker? And there should be like a glossary, like a fucking, like an epilogue. Absolutely. And here's what you do. You take some fucking old bread and it's a little moldy because they could have done that shit. Yeah, exactly. They could have done that shit. And I'm like, their babies wouldn't die of fucking whatever disease, right?

Instead, it's like, oh, your baby's dead. Nobody cares. It's like the Bible code because the Bible code is easy to look at after the fact because you just say, oh, your baby's dead. Nobody cares. It's like the Bible code. Because the Bible code is easy to look at after the fact. Because you just say, oh, we found in the Bible, 10 letters apart, we found Hindenburg or some bullshit. And you're like, oh, see, the Bible predicted the Hindenburg. And you're like, well, no, it didn't. Because you didn't know.

Like, you found that shit well after the fact. It didn't predict the fuck all. And here's the thing. Great prediction. But if I didn't know it all. And here's the thing. Great prediction, but if I didn't know it ahead of time, it wasn't a prediction. It would have just been a weird name. Right? Right. Well, and maybe you could have told me it was going to catch on fire and we

wouldn't have put people in it. Again, what good did it do, right? It'd be like if your house burns down and I'm just like bet your house burns down and you'd be like my fucking dog was in there. I'd be like bet your dog dies. What the fucking? If you knew why didn't you tell me yesterday why didn't you tell me yesterday useful right my house is fucking ashes and my dog is accidentally cremated so we have i have some questions um these questions are based on his post hoc rationalization.

So I'm going to read these questions to you. I have four quick questions. All right. Ray tells us that the earth is held up in this manner, which proves the Bible got it right before science. A, the earth is held up by nothing. B, the earth is a giant bobber on the end of hillbilly God's cosmic bamboo pole. I bet it's that one. C. It's held in place by gravity, you dolt.

D. Like all anal beads, a lot of clenching. Anal beads. Okay, it is D, anal beads. Yeah, anal beads. The Bible predicted this other quality about the earth. A. It has four layers. Crust, epidermis i don't even know what nougat really is i don't have any idea i love it i'm not sure it's edible

it's basically like sugar cock yeah it's exactly that's exactly what it is b that it's round by saying quote, he sits in the circle of the earth. Oh my God. C, that it is denser than this motherfucker. D, that if God is the universe, then the earth and the moon system means he has one enlarged testicle and he should really have that looked at.

He sits in the center. How many licks does it take to get there that's really the question you gotta get to the nougat yeah yeah don't be lazy that's all i'm saying don't be lazy what biblical insight did we have to wait for the later 1800s to prove a that black people were humans there's still there's still a lot of cities that are trying desperately to disprove that in america go to baltimore and try to make that assertion b zippers c the ocean has currents oh my fucking god it's going to be the ocean it is the ocean

oh my fucking god oh my fucking god oh my fucking god a bible passage says there are paths on the sea and some guy went out to find the paths on the sea in the 1800s even though there's pat and he said that he found ocean currents then but you're like well there's there's fucking the mediterranean sea has tons of currents so i'm sure that people knew forever there was currents in the fucking lake michigan has current it would fucking you would know, like, it's not like we just invented fishermen in the 1800s. Right. Last one. The Bible gives us this insight about boats that revolutionize shipping.

A, how to properly stack black people. Is the answer like cordwood? Is the answer like cordwood? B, that making it with the same proportions as the ark makes a very fine ark-like ship. C, the proper slave rowing to wind ratio for optimized speed. Yes. Or D, that a crewmate that likes to wear a dress saves on the hooker budget. It's D. I'm not sure what you call those people that

wear dresses. I want to make sure I get it right. I think they're called sailors. But it's not D. It was actually the arc. So hold on. Okay, hang on a minute. No, you can't save on your hooker budget. You just can't. You don't scrimp. There's some places you scrimp. There's some places you save. Occasionally

you don't want a discount. Occ's some places you scrimp. There's some places you save. Occasionally, occasionally you don't want to discount. That's not where you do it. Right? Occasionally it's like, you want the upgrade. You want discount brain surgery? No, I do not.

Where's the girls with the extra holes? How many, how many places can I disappoint you tonight? So, so basically each, each one of these had its own little bible verse attached to it he sits on the circle of the earth proves the earth's sphere he there's ocean currents and is proved in one that the earth that the earth sits on nothing they say that the earth sits in nothing or that

the world sits on nothing and therefore therefore space in the universe yeah so space since we sit in space you're like but fucking gravity holds us in place they should be like the earth sits with fucking gravity which isaac newton is gonna fucking like tell us all about many many years from now so it's just it's so you're so far hold on because we're reading different books this is new for us so far you are not convinced not convinced you have yet to convert he's got 96 90 10 90 ish more chances to convince me. So we'll see what happens. Well, I, I gotta tell you, I'm reading the, uh, the tome of all tomes, L Ron Hubbard's, uh, Scientology book one, chapter one is how far I've made it in.

Um, I'm getting, I'm, I'm feeling it though. I want to tell you, I'm feeling it. I think after this quiz, you might, you might reconsider hook your balls up to the EKG machine or whatever yet. Yeah, always. You gotta read it with them. Why else would I have one of those stim machines? Are you supposed to do something else with them? No. Alright, Cecil.

What happened to the following dynasties for want of a science of mind? He talks a lot about the science of mind. Okay, I don't know what that means. Go ahead. A. The Chinese are awash in blood. B. The Romans are awash in blood. B. The Romans went to dust.

C. Americans are bathed in pharmaceuticals. D. The British are coming. Or E. A and B. A and B. A and B, my friend. It's always A and B. Every time there's a multiple choice, it's that one. L. Ron Hubbard uses metaphors to explain everything, even things that don't have need for metaphors,

because they're self-fucking explanatory and a single fucking sentence would have sufficed. Thank you. Which is not a metaphor used in the first chapter. A. The scientific efforts to understand the mind are like a jigsaw puzzle, or two, or sometimes six jigsaw puzzles. B. Yep. B. Yep. Yep. B.

Efforts to consolidate science and philosophy are like a derelict battalion, careless of how many allied ranks it exposes to destruction by the enemy. C. Diseases of the mind are like weasels, starved and caged, shaken, then set loose under your bedclothes while you sleep. That's that. It's that one.

Yeah, that's the penetrating weasel. I like that one. Yeah, that's a good one. You never know what to tip the weasel. Oh, I just tip the pets to one. I mean, I'll tell you what, pop goes it. Can I have your most vulnerable weasels? Do you have like weasel kits that I can...

You got to go to the weasel trafficking guy. And Cecil, what must a science of the mind actually do? Oh, goodness. A, the goddamn dishes once in a while if you want to get laid. goddamn dishes once in a while if you want to get laid. B. Provide a single source of all insanity, psychoses, neuroses, compulsions, repressions, and social

derangements. C. Use a little more patience and a little less force. This isn't a fucking race. A little more lube. Always more lube. D. Lift with the back. I'm going to go with D. i got a bad back uh yeah always lift and twist yeah that's how that's how the squat jack is performed exactly so tell me about the

book what is the what's that what is it about so far well so far he's just saying that dianetics is great no he really is is that what he's saying? So far, chapter one book one. Wait, but what's Dianetics? No, no, no. Dianetics. Don't just go. I was going to say. Dianetics is the new science of the mind. He's basically saying like that the mind is no different than any other physical, than any of the physical sciences. And that it can be explained and understood completely through a series of axioms.

And Bunsen burners. And Bunsen burners. And Bunsen burners, right. And Bunt cakes. Erlenmeyer flasks. And he is going to totes prove that to us. And then once you understand, once you have a full science of the mind, which is what Dianetics is.

Once you have your Dianetic. Then 70% of all illnesses, first of all, are psychosomatic that's what he says um and he says he pulls an ike he's like according to some people's so so wait so so if i have dianetics i don't have diabetics or diarrhea well from my research from my research, gurgle, gurgle. Where's my insulin?

Still felt like shit, actually. Yeah, so that's what he's going to prove. He's going to go through. This is the ground. He's laying the groundwork. Yeah, this is foreplay. He's just buying me drinks right now. So I've yet to get well and truly fucked by this fucking 500-page garbage book.

All right. So next time. Yes, sir. We are going to have another chapter from that book and another chapter from my hopefully another reading from Ray Comfort played by Adam Rieks. Adam Rieks did this reading and then he also got together with Raylene and they recorded. And I don't want to play because we kind of made fun of the reading. So I don't want to play it because we kind of made fun of the reading. So I don't want to play their version now,

but if you stick around after the Skeptic's Creed, they did a very funny version of Raylene reading this as a bedtime story to Ray Comfort. Oh, that's going to be great. Stick around after the Skeptic's Creed today and you'll hear Adam Rieks' and Franco Soup's

version of the Ray Comfort reading that we just did. Take my number down. 222, 222, 222. I got an answer machine that can talk to you. So see, so this story comes from Time.com. And this is actually a transcript of an interview with Donald Trump and Time Washington Bureau Chief Michael Scherer. And this was done on March the 22nd.

I read this whole transcript. It's a word-for-word transcript. And it's fucking crazy, Cecil. I read it too, yeah. It's fucking crazy. Trump is an inarticulate motherfucker. He cannot follow a single train of thought

from the start to the finish he gets fucking derailed constantly by his own inability to follow his own train of thought there's a couple of pieces that I want to talk about so specifically Michael Scherer is pushing him on truth

on the idea of truth about whether or not he says things that are true. And Trump keeps responding by saying, and I'm going to paraphrase because I will later read some of this transcript, to paraphrase is actually to try to make sense of some of his jib jab. Paraphrase is a mercy to the listeners. It's adding clarity where no clarity actually exists. What is astonishing, astonishing, and I encourage you guys to read this transcript because it's mind-boggling. Absolutely. Is that when he's pushed on saying things like the Sweden thing, he's like, well, I said it, and then later it happened.

And so that made what I said true. Right. That blew me fucking away. The idea that you could say something was real, and at the time you said it, it was not real. And then something happened afterward, and now all of a sudden, you're post hoc, right? You're right after the fact?

That's not how facts work. That's not how any of this works. Like, that's crazy. He keeps talking in this article. He keeps talking in his transcript, and it's word for word. You've got any of this works. Like that's, that's crazy. He keeps talking in this, in this article, he keeps talking in this, in his transcript and it's word for word. You got to read this shit. He keeps talking about predictions that he makes.

He keeps talking about, you know, he says things and he's like, these are predictions that I made as if he's some weird psychic guru, right? As if the truth is something that might happen later. And if, and if it happens later something that might happen later. And if it happens later, then it was true retroactively from the time that you said it in the past. He seems to really think that.

Yeah. And it's actually crazy, Cecil. That's disturbing. That's actually like crazy. He's re-comforting this stuff. Oh my God, he is. You know what I mean? He's a hundred fucking useless facts you read in the Bible or whatever book you're reading. It's Ray Comforting this stuff. Oh my God, he is. You know what I mean? He's a hundred fucking useless

facts you read in the Bible. It's a hundred science facts. It's exactly the same thing. It's looking at something that happened before and saying, I predicted it because I said it after the fact. And you're like, no, that's not how any of this works. And one of the things

that he talks about, he talks about Sweden in this. He says, you know, look, I was right about Sweden. I said some crazy things happened in Sweden. The next day, riots. He's like, two days later, they had massive riot in Sweden. Exactly what I was talking about. I was right about that. You can't call that a win. You can't say I predicted that because you didn't actually predict it. What you said to everybody was, look at Sweden, guys. Look at what just happened in Sweden. Just happened in the past. And that's what he's talking about.

He's talking about it happening in the past. And then the next day, Sweden comes out and says, no, everything's fine over here. But then there's a section of their populace that is like, no, everything's not fine. And they burned some cars and flipped some shit over and went a little crazy. It wasn't a fucking whole country in a riot, first off. It wasn't massive riots, I don't think. As near as I could tell, the riots were not, there wasn't a ton

of people. Yeah, Sweden's still sad. It's still fine. And the thing is that it happened, I think, in reaction to you even saying it. It's nuts! The thing is, like, first of all, it would be different if he said, look what is going to happen. I think something is going to happen in Sweden. Sure.

That would be a prediction. Then if the thing happens, you are accurate in your prediction. That's a thing. Fine. But that's not what's happening here. What's happening is he's saying something is the case or has occurred. Order of operations matters. Right.

Those things, as of the moment that he said them, have not been true. And when he's pushed on them and he says, well, later they found out that it was true. The three million people thing. They ask him, well, there's no evidence. He says, I think you'll find some. I think you'll find some. That's not how numbers work. That's not how facts work. Facts don't work like I

said it, and then later we'll find out if it's true. That's not how any of this happens, right? Who won the Battle of Gettysburg? That's a thing, and we know the answer. It's not just like, who won the Battle of Gettysburg? Well, I don't know. We got to do some research.

No. These are demonstrable. They either happened or they didn't happen. They're quantifiable. When you say things like this, they have to be accurate at the time they're said. I want to read from this transcript. Here's what's being said by Michael Scher. That's different than the president wiretapping you, which would be a crime

outside of a court. Well, I don't know where these wiretaps came from. They came from someplace. That's what they should find out. And you know, the real story here is about the leakers, okay? Deflecting, okay? You don't write about that. But the real story is, who released General Flynn's name? Who released my conversations with Australia? And who released my conversation with Mexico? To me, Michael, that's the story. These leakers, they're disgusting. They're horrible people. He's not answering the question. He's deflecting, right?

He's deflecting. And then he says, well, and I want to, I want to stop there. Can I stop there real quick? You fucking, you fucking ejaculated all over your own face when they fucking leaked Hillary's fucking emails. That wasn't disgusting. That was wonderful. You actually asked them to fucking hack again. You fucking scumbag. That's't disgusting. That was wonderful. You actually asked them to fucking hack again,

you fucking scumbag. You know, it's a great point, right? Fuck you, motherfucker. He got on TV and said it. You fucking do a handstand and come on your own face for fucking WikiLeaks, but these are horrible people?

And this is the same thing that fucking What's-Her-Face was doing, that fucking Kellyanne Conway. It's that deflection stuff. Right. You say something and then you just change

the fucking subject and say, hey, the problem is with these other things. Hey, no, I'm going to change the fucking subject and say something else that maybe you'll agree with, maybe you won't, but it'll certainly make you stop asking the question that I don't want to fucking clearly answer. Well, let me read the last, let me read the way he ends this interview, Cecil.

But isn't there, it strikes me there is still an issue of credibility. If the intelligence community came out and said, we've determined that so-and-so is the leaker here, but you're saying to me now that you don't believe the intelligence community when they say that your tweet was wrong. And then here's what Trump says. I'm not saying, no, I'm not blaming. First of all, I put Mike Pompeo in. I put Senator Dan Coats in.

These are great people. I think they're great people and they're going to. I have a lot of confidence in them. That's not even a set. It's fucking not even a thought. So hopefully things will straighten out. But I inherited a mess. I inherited a mess in so many ways. I inherited a mess in the Middle East. So did every president

for fucking 70 years. No shit. And a mess with North Korea. Again. Read my prior comics. Yeah, exactly. Right? I inherited a mess with jobs. Yeaha again read my prior comics exactly right i inherited a mess with jobs yeah fucking barack obama didn't though right despite the this i like despite the statistics you know my statistics are even better but they're not the real statistics because you have millions of people that can't get a job okay and i inherited a mess on trade i mean we have many you can go up and down the ladder but that's's the story. Hey, look in the meantime, I guess I can't be doing so badly because I'm the president

and you're not, you know, say hello to everybody. Okay. I'm the president and you're not this guy. Just he's a scorekeeper. Yeah. That's one of the huge problems with this guy is he's a scorekeeper. He doesn't understand that just winning a prize is not the same thing as solving a problem. Right. He doesn't understand that. That's why he couldn't. That's why the other day we were talking about that dead soldier. And he's like, well, everybody clapped for him. He's fucking winning.

Yeah, he's winning. He got killed. Yeah. What drives me crazy is that while we're talking about a president having possible ties to Russia for being, you know, for having conversations and shit and like like fucking some espionage shit going on with Russia. We're taking his fucking Supreme Court nomination. Yeah. Why is that not on hold? Are we fuck? Are you fucking kidding me? Like, you need to fucking

stop those proceedings immediately. Finish this, then do whatever you want. Look, there's a chance that there's no wrongdoings here. Yeah, but let's find out, because if there is, it's over. But there's a chance that there's no wrongdoings. I'm not saying that he's did anything wrong. I'm saying it looks fucking shady. Well, you know what?

When it looks shady, you certainly wouldn't want this fucking Neil fucking Gorshicks or whatever to get into the Supreme court and have a fucking tainted, you know, I mean, if he gets in, he's in, well,

what happens if Trump is the fucking, you know, found out to be, that guy's tainted forever. You know? Yeah. He's always going to be the shit judge. You know what I mean?

This guy, if I were this guy, I'd be saying, Hey, can't we just wait until this is over? Let's just clear everybody. It's not like Pence is not. Look, if something happens to Trump, it's not like Pence isn't going to just fucking nominate him anyway. Exactly right. It's a fucking done deal. So it's it's fine either way for their side.

He's going to get in anyway. Right. This is going to happen. Yeah. So just fucking wait. You know, if I was this guy, I'd be like, you know what? I'd really like to wait until this Trump thing fucking hangs. Well, fucking we waited nine months for Obama because he was black. Yeah. You know, like. Yeah, we'll have to wait a few months for Trump because he's red. I mean, he stayed black the whole nine months.

It was fucking rude. So, you know, sometimes God is saying little epiphanies to us, little things to us. But we don't know how to listen to his voice. This is from Right Wing Watch. Former Trump campaign advisor says God warned him about bugging of the White House. Does this one have audio?

Yes, I saw you. This is Frank Amita, and this is his very dramatic music inspired speech he gave to his audience. Well, it's music inspired. She's fucking standing in front of a full fucking rock band. It's got a fucking gospel choir

or whatever the fuck those mega churches have. So here's Frank. We are literally speaking into the White House. No, you're not. No. You're speaking into a microphone. That is not literally the White House. Yeah.

Maybe he's holding the White House in his hand. I am literally speaking into an orange microphone. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. We could be wrong. That could actually be a cleverly disguised can on a string and the other can is in the White House. Maybe it's a wiretapping device. Maybe it is. Yeah. Hold it up to your ear. If you hear the ocean, that's Trump's breathing.

Is that a newfangled microwave? We're speaking into legislators. You're speaking into legislators? That's what you do. That doesn't even make any sense. What you do is you spread their cheeks. Well, I mean, I guess it does.

No, it does make sense. And then, oh, right, inflate them. Do they scream Ricola when you do that? They scream. Ricola is the safe word. We are speaking into the Supreme Court. And the Lord says, you know a tree by its fruit,

and you know the voice of the prophet by whether it's truth or not. Oh my God. What? You know the voice of the prophet, whether it's truth or not? Right. So everybody who speaks the truth is a prophet? How does that even work? You have to evaluate. Somebody says something, like, yeah, I'm a prophet. And you're like,

all right, well, tell me something. Then I have to wait and see if it comes true. And then I'll come back to you and then I'll know that you're a prophet. But what if you only had one prophecy and I just missed it? And we can tell you that we're batting 1000. Incredible stuff. i'll give you one that we can go public on now well we're holding the rest of our prophecies for later yeah we gotta there's only some of them have to get past the nda what two weeks before the inauguration the lord showed me the vision three times of bugging bugging don Bugging? Don't search that on Pornhub, by the way. Whatever you do, don't search that on Pornhub.

Yeah, do search it. Now, you're just going to see a bunch of Japanese girls with cockroaches in their mouth. Oh, God. Oh, my God. You asked for it, friend. I thought it was just people jerking off with cicadas like normal. I saw the vision of a ghost-like figure running around the White House. Did he just call Barack Obama a spook?

I think he did. He's a ghost-like figure running around the White House chasing Barack Obama. It was just a guy in a hood. And putting pins in things. It came three nights in a row at three o'clock in the morning.

I said, what is it? He said, they're bugs. I said, bugs? Bunny? What up, doc? I took a wrong turn at Albuquerque. It doesn't sound like that at all. Why did I make that sound?

Yes. The second night, I looked into the face of the person that was putting them and they were faceless. He said it's a ghost. Which is an acronym, as you well know, for a certain intelligence agency. It is? Yeah.

Ghost Recon. It's a video game thing, right? I guess. I don't know. Is it an acronym for an intelligence agency? Which one? I don't know. It is a video game. There is one for a video game thing, right? I guess. I don't know. Is it an acronym for an intelligence agency? Which one? I don't know. It is a video game. There is one for a video game, but I don't know what it is.

I can't remember what it's called. My God. Yeah. And the third night when I saw it, he then showed me the sweeping of three times. Oh my God. Was he the fucking Christmas past or Christmas future one? Which one was it?

Which one was it? Scrooge McPerdixalot. Are you kidding me? This guy went out in the morning and bought the fattest goose. I know, right? The fattest goose. And Merry Christmas to all of you

and to all some bugs. And he said, tell them to sweep it three times. The first time won't do it. The second time won't do it. The third time, what's in the darkness will come to light. We were able to speak it into one of the highest authorities in land.

And then the truth began to come out, didn't it? It's not all out yet. There's still more coming. No, no, nothing has happened. Nobody's developed any fucking evidence. The fucking director of the fucking FBI has no idea why he said that. Yeah. People can learn about Reverend King, so many other things.

Frederick Doug Douglas is an example of somebody who's done an amazing job and is being recognized more and more. I notice this is right wing watch. Wayne Allen Root. Trump is like a wife who makes passionate love to you every day seven days a week. I feel so sick thinking about Trump or

my wife, ex-wife making passionate love to me seven days a week. I don't know which would be worse, but I know which I'm paying a lot of money to not do anymore. Alright, so this is Right Wing Watch, Wayne Allen Root. Yeah, well, listen, look, I'm a businessman. I'm not

a big businessman. I wish I could brag that I have thousands of employees, but in my lifetime, I've employed hundreds, maybe even thousands collectively at every job for 30 years. But the end result is I, the small businessman, say there's only one thing that makes me happy and makes me open a business, makes me create jobs. Profit. It's profit, right?

If you say anything other than money, you're a liar. It's fucking profit, right? It's thinking that you can make a profit because if there's anything else. You're lying. You're fucking lying. What is it? And that is a president who appreciates business people. That's why.

That's why. So that you can get a fucking gold star from the president. Oh, they're going to call you up on the phone. Hey, Tom, thanks for being totes. Really good businessman.

I noticed you when I was fucking over here being the president and you open up your ice cream shop. Fuck you. We are a fucking dickhead. Why do we not own an ice cream shop? Why don't we own an ice cream shop? That would be the best business. Well, we keep it in business. Yeah, we we not own an ice cream shop? Why don't we own an ice cream shop? That would be the best business. Well, we keep it in business.

Yeah, that's true. We would buy our own ice cream. Is that a thing? They would have to like fucking, they would have to just wall us off in there. You know, like it's a bad idea to buy your own drugs. We can just call it Cascavel Monteano. Put us down. Who doesn't call us miserable names?

Who doesn't think the one percent are horrible people who cares what here's you're not in the one percent asshole but the other thing too is like man i don't give a fuck what who calls me what about my business right you know there's people who fucking like don't like glory hole studio i don't give a fuck what you think if you don't like the name glory hole studios my business go fuck yourself you call me If you don't like the name Gloryhole Studios in my business, go fuck yourself. You call me names, I don't fucking care. I'm not going to stay up fucking late and not fucking start more business

stuff because I'm getting called names. Like I start business stuff because I think I can make money at it or whatever. You know what I mean? Like this business for us is up. So wait a minute, are you suggesting that if somebody called you a duty head, you wouldn't sell widgets? Exactly, right?

Oh, stop the widget production, guys. So and so thinks I'm a doody head. Who doesn't say you didn't build that? It's really about psychology. And we have a guy now who I know loves and appreciates businessmen and women. You know, he doesn't fucking appreciate businessmen and women. Have you heard all the fucking stories about him stiffing contractors like he doesn't fucking appreciate other business people all he does is just look at other people as ways to get richer like other business people do stop thinking about him like he's some sort of fucking benevolent deity of business because he's not as a business person

i want to see other businesses around me collapse so I can take over their territory and customers. That's what I want to see. It is like a source of mirth and merriment when one of our competitors goes out of business. We get their employees. We get

their customers. We get the money. First, you get the sugar. We have a guy who wants to dramatically cut business taxes, dramatically cut personal income taxes, dramatically cut regulations, kill Obamacare, and kill climate change legislation, and kill, hopefully, I hope, part of Trump's agenda is to kill the IRS. You know, no one's ever going to get rid of him, I guess. But certainly you can defund them as much as possible. you don't give them even a raise they just have to fire employees or lay people off or not replace people until there won't be as many audits

there won't be as many irs intrusions into our lives well that that doesn't stop the taxes from being there right so you don't get as many audits so what like well so people can cheat more that that's what he's saying though because why do you want to not be audited? Because you're afraid that if you're cheating on your taxes, you're going to get caught. That's why. That's really the only real, like, that's it. That's it. And an IRS intrusion into your, like, I don't even understand what they mean.

The IRS is not intrusive into my life. I have two small businesses, a rental property, and my personal taxes. into my life. I have two small businesses, a rental property, and my personal taxes. So my tax returns aren't super simple. They're not incredibly complicated, but they're not super simple. And they're not intrusive. I file my taxes. I send

it to a thing. I send a check. That's just how it works. Where's the intrusion? The intrusion would be an audit, and I'd be worried about an audit if I were cheating on my taxes. Sure, if you were cheating, it wouldn't be... And I'm not cheating on my taxes. If I get audited, I just am like, fuck, it's a pain in the dick. Yeah, it's a pain in the ass, but that's it. Right.

So when you put that entire group together, believe me when I tell you it makes businessmen get up in the morning and smile. You know, I don't want to make any lewd analogies, but when you have a wife who makes a passionate love to you every day, seven days a week, don't you get up, old man, get up and smile. My wife's going to make love to me. When you have a wife who hates you and you sleep in opposite bedrooms,

guess what? You wake up in a bad mood. So I got a president who likes me now instead of one who hates me. Don't you think it's going to put me in a good mood and I'm going to want to hire people? Of course it does. Why do you care about what the fucking president thinks?

Who hires people because they're in a good mood? Who does that? What kind of businessman are you? How are you feeling? I'm so cheerful. I'm going to fucking hire somebody. That's what I'm going to do. I listen to my favorite song on the radio on my drive to work. I'm going to hire somebody.

This guy's just the worst businessman ever. You want answers? I think I'm entitled to them. You want answers? I want the truth! You can't handle the truth. This story is from Right Wing Watch. Lance Wiley recounts how an anointed cake freed a man from sexuality. I don't know. I've never heard of a guy eating cake and sort of becoming free of the gay or becoming straight.

But I have heard of a guy decorating a cake and becoming gay. Remember that time that a pastry changed your entire sexual history that time i had magic beans i'm just gonna fucking rub this pie on you and then i'll just be attracted to you different or whatever so here we go let's let's listen to lance he's gonna tell us about an anointed cake does that mean you came in it? I don't know. I can't be sure. It certainly does.

Yeah. It's right. You like those cake fart videos? I fucked a hole in all these donuts. Here's the thing. These weren't eclairs, but they're now all eclairs. Whatever you do, try the cheese Danish. I read a testimony today about an owner of a bar who was gay

and this is crazy now i'm not saying this is going to work for you but some hookers that were in his bar got saved okay so so three man and three hookers One of them has a cake. I love this bar. It's the best bar. And they got saved because one of the guys who used to hang out there got saved. Wait, are they still hookers and saved? Wait a minute. Is that a thing you can do?

They got saved because somebody who once went to this bar got saved? Yeah, so somebody once went to the bar. And when you get saved, there's a splash effect. Like, what is it? Like crop dusting? Yeah, no, he cockied him with his saving. It's like... Save this for later, sweetheart! They baked a cake for the

owner of the bar, who was gay. They baked a cake for him. So the three hookers walk into a bar owned by a gay man. They get saved because of magical leftover doggy bag savings that were left around. And then they went

home and made this man a cake. So far, that's the story. And very adamantly anti-Christian. And they basically prayed over the cake. It was an anointed cake. You're a fucking idiot. All cakes are anointed.

They all have oil in them. I'm going to get like, no, what about this cake? What about a Genoa or whatever? Leave me alone. Stop sending me email. I don't care that a Genoa cake is made with a fucking, with a non-chemical leavener. Leave me alone. And they made the cake and gave it as a gift.

And when he ate the cake that he got from three hookers, the soggy biscuit is what they're talking about, right? Because I always eat random hooker cakes. You know what? You want face herpes? That's how you get face herpes. That is how you get face herpes. Eating hooker cakes. You know what? You want face herpes? That's how you get face herpes. That is how you get face herpes. Eating hooker cake.

Actually, in the hooker cake is probably a snipped off circumcision. I know this is strange. This is a Sylvester's testimony. It's not mine. Yeah, he's a very respected judge. This is a guy who said it once, so it's probably true. Somebody said it. And now I'm saying it.

And now I'm saying it. And now I'm saying it. So don't blame me for what they said. That's how truth works. I read it on the Yik Yak. The power of God hit him while he was eating the cake. And he went back to the guy at the bar. I thought he was the guy. And I thought it was three hookers.

He's a different guy at the bar. And he's like, let me see your dick. I just want to see if I want to suck it. I'm feeling a little weird today. I'm super confused. That had given it to see if I want to suck it. Feeling a little weird today. Super confused. That had given it to him that he knew he got religion. And he said, what the heck? He said, I had a weird experience eating your cake.

And he said, well, that was the presence of God. He ends up leading the guy to the Lord and baptizes him. And when he gets baptized, the guy gets delivered. And the spirit that was working him got broken off. Man, the spirit was working him. The spirit worked him so hard it broke off? The spirit was working him so hard it made him gay. Jesus Christ!

The spirit probably needed a break, actually. Sounds exhausting. If it's going to make you gay, it's a real fancy cake. But if it's not going to make you gay, does it have to be sort of a very utilitarian cake? Like a very rustic sort of like ugly. Yeah. Shitty cake like I would make.

Unfrosted and unfrosted. It's basically just a boiled egg. So I want to thank all our patrons, but we want to thank our newest patrons, of course. We're very happy that people still support us, still give us their hard-earned dollars. Thank you so much. We're going to thank our newest patrons, Dan OG, Mary Ovind. I don't know if I'm pronouncing that right. The O has like a little

slash through it. It's like not even a word. Nobody knows. It's Noel Seth Johnson or something. C. Paul, Hamster Toy Box, Thomas, Reichbart, and Cal. Thanks so much for all your generous donations.

We really do truly appreciate it. Thank you. This last week, we were on, actually, I think it's releasing today. We're on Angry Black Rant with Ishmael Brown. A lot of fun, man. Which is a lot of fun. Very racist. So if you turn it in it's super racist it was super racist

he's really racist he's a ridiculously racist person I'm shocked at how racist he was I wasn't but we were on his show it was a lot of fun we love Ishmael we like being on his show

and we're looking forward to seeing him at ReasonCon which we will be at on the 20, I think it's 22nd, 23rd of April. So if you want to check us out, come down to ReasonCon, hang out with us. We'll buy you a beer. It'll be fun. We got an image, and this is,

I'm just going to read the caption for this. Found the perfect book to read to your abortion, because we talked about reading books to your abortion, children's stories. And this is actually a perfect book for this. Look on this web, this episode show notes, episode three 50.

It's so fun. It's really the perfect book. I love that book and I want to buy it. So, uh, so this April on the 15th of April, uh, Anthony Magna Bosco,

the street epistemology person. YouTube celebrity. He's a YouTube celebrity. He's going to be in Chicago. He's going to be in Skokie, actually, which is just north of Chicago, giving a talk called Street Epistemology

Things I Have Learned. It's on April 15th, tax day, 6 p.m. We're going to post the flyer on this week's show notes. Check him out. It's going to be, I'm sure it's going to be a great talk. The Chicago atheists are putting this on. This is the Chicago Atheist Society. So it's going to be taking place at the Ethical Humanist Society of Chicago at 7574 Lincoln Avenue, Skokie, Illinois. Chicago at 7574 Lincoln Avenue, Skokie, Illinois. It's a $10 suggested donation. Come see Anthony Magna Bosco in Chicago if you're local.

If you're nearby, if you're in Madison, if you're nearby, it's going to be a good time. So go check it out. We got a message. This is from Victor. And Victor wants us to know, wants to ask us what sort of sources we have for debating advice so he can sort of help sort of work on his debate skills. It looks like he's sort of getting involved with some people that he might disagree with. Yeah. You know, this is a little tough because Cecil and I don't do a lot of debate.

So I think that, you know, if you want to get good at something, you know, if you want to be a good writer, read. If you want to be a good debate or listen to debates. Yeah. Um, I think it's, it's, it's, it's, it's probably the best way to go. I don't know if your debate that you're looking to have is going to be in written format. Um, if it is read debate, um, there's plenty of debates that you can read. Yeah. Um, I think it's important to, uh, engage the subject, um, with as many different styles, find a style that, that seems like it's going to fit the same with as many different styles,

find a style that seems like it's going to fit the same way that you naturally would argue or you naturally would be persuasive. And then just kind of work it from there. Yeah. If I were you, if you're going to listen to him, go listen to the atheist experience. I mean,

that is, you know, that's a debate every week and all those people are sharp. All those people that are on there are sharp people and you get a new one. There's a, there's hundreds of episodes and you can go, you can find the best ones if you want with a pretty cursory Google search. Yeah. There's plenty of really great ones. And then, you know, if you're looking for other good debate stuff, I mean, Hitchens was an amazing debater. Um, so there's a lot of people out there that, you know, you could look to, to, uh, to sort of match their style. We got a message, uh, from, is it Ilya?

Nobody knows it's from Israel and they don't know how to speak. It's Ilya, I think. Um, in any case, uh, they said there's, uh, a big community of atheists here in Israel. I had no idea. I would never have guessed. I had no idea. Do they have to have those weird little dreadlocks too? Like all the boxes all over? Do they have different suits?

They have different suits and little hats. They're made out of baby skins. That's why. Tom, we got a message from Joe. Yeah, so Joe sent us, hey, it's Joe from across the border in East Chicago. I had a dream about you guys. For some reason, I was in front of Glory Home Studios when Tom came out carrying

two baby chimps. I asked him, where did the chimps come from? He answered, evolution. That's what made me laugh. I like that. Then Cecil came out and I asked him what Tom was doing with two baby chimps and he said, training them for gladiatorial combat. That's accurate, actually. I think that's great. That is accurate. Yeah. I didn't know

we were bugged. Wiretapped. We were wiretapped. Oh, Jesus. This coloring book, it's a coloring book of Winnie the Pooh. Remember when you felt good about your childhood? Oh, my God.

It's absolutely the worst thing I've ever seen. We'll put it on this episode of Show Notes. One thing I don't know is how Winnie the Pooh is going to put his head in the glory hole

with that ball gag in his mouth. That's the most boring glory hole in the world. Thanks, Jason, for sending it in. Someone's already been here. Look on this episode's show notes, episode 350. Tom, someone has a question about

raising children. My friend, co-worker Erica, is a fellow atheist with two children, eight and ten-year-old girls. Her family's religious, constantly undermining her with her children and questioning, why don't you just tell them that Jesus is real to make them feel better? They talk to the children about Christianity behind their back. While she can't cut them out of her life, she's wondering what advice Tom might have as a parent on how to do damage control.

And also, are there any atheist books, movies, TV shows that would be good for children? You know, I don't know if there's any atheist books, movies, or TV shows. I've never gone hunting for those. And, you know, my fucking parenting advice you should take with a fucking Himalayan rock lamp full of salt. But, you know, I I've never encountered this before. I think if I if somebody did this to me, you know, my inclination would be to pull them aside and say my kids, you can't do this. I won't bring my kids around you if you continue to undermine my parenting. This doesn't have anything to do with religion. This has to do with the lack of respect for your decisions as a parent and your autonomy as a parent. And anybody who undermines your position of authority in your relationship with your children doesn't deserve to spend time with your children and can't be trusted to do so.

It's interesting. Think about it in another way. How would you feel if somebody came into your house and started telling your kid that monsters were real? Yeah, right. You know what I mean? You'd be like, stop fucking doing that. I got to put this kid to bed at night.

Right. I got to be the one to sort of calm this down every time you do this. I got to be the one to put this fire out. You know, anything of this nature, you'd'd be like fucking get the fuck out of here don't do that shit anyone who tries to parent over the top of you fuck that yeah bullshit fuck that try it twice yeah got a message from dave and dave said that dave hogan uh along with the claims of resurrection there are also testimonials by his followers that he can literally fly.

It's Peter Pan. He brought Tinkerbell back to life by clapping, right? She had the clap on. You have to believe. That's awesome. Thanks, Dave. We got a message from Elvis, and Elvis sends in something that he sent in

on episode 249. It's worth playing again because we talked about this last week with the Texas representative making sure that there will be a law passed against masturbation. So this is Elvis's That's great. He does such a good job. we will choke the chicken. I love that. Elvis. That's great. He does such a good job. 30 seconds on the dot.

So his wife says, so we want to thank Adam reeks for providing the Ray comfort clip. Remember to stick around after the skeptics creed for his reading and Ray lean's reading of that same clip. It was a lot of fun. Thank you so much, Adam, for putting it together for us. We're hoping we can use you more often for this because he does such a good

Ray Comfort voice. He does. He does a nice voice. Perfect. That's going to wrap it up for episode 350. We're going to leave you, like we always do, with The Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter mommy issue hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative,

acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water downward spiral, brain dead pan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment. Spiral, Brain Dead, Pan, Sales Pitch, Late Night Info Docutainment, Leo Pisces, Cancer Cures, Detox, Reflex, Foot Massage, Death in Towers, Tarot Cards, Psychic Healing, Crystal Balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, Aliens, Churches, Mosques and Synagogues, Temples, Dragons, Giant Worms, Atlantis, Dolphins, Truthers, Birthers, Witches, Wizards, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. are solely that of Glory Hole Studios LLC. Cognitive dissonance makes no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information and will not be liable for any errors, damages, or butthurt arising from consumption.

All information is provided on an as-is basis. No refunds. Produced in association with the local dairy council and viewers like you. Raygate, the adventures of Ray and Rayna. Ray? Ray? Yes, Rayna? It's bedtime. Yes, it's bedtime, Ray. Way past your bedtime. You need your bed to sleep.

Bedtime already? I was almost finished there, too. All right. But if we go to bed, can we read my favorite book by Ray Comfort called Scientific Facts in the Bible? 100 Reasons to Believe the Bible is Supernatural in Origin. In brackets. No, no, no, no, no, no. In brackets. Hidden Wealth Series.

In brackets. Ray, we've read that every night for the last fortnight. I know, but it's so good. Oh, no, can you read me a paragraph? Shut up. Can you read me a paragraph from page 10, please? Yes, Ray. Okay. Are you all tucked in? I'm very tucked.

I mean all of you, Ray. There's a peeping bollock. Put it away. Peeping bollock. My bollock is unpeeped. Where's the evidence? Oh, it's all around us. Right. Where's the evidence? Imagine that you're looking at a luxury liner moving through calm waters, like living waters. To your amazement, about a dozen people jump off the ship. Oh, I hope it's immigrants. Bloody hate them.

Anyway, in cling to a lifeboat, you watch as the rest of the passengers stand on the ship and laugh at them. You can understand their reaction. What those few people did was foolish. It made

no sense. Suddenly, the ship hits an unseen iceberg and sinks, taking with it all those who stayed on board. Now you see that those who seem like fools were wise, but those who

stayed on the ship and seemed to be wise were the fools. This is beautifully written. You wrote it, Ray. Stop it. We have in the Bible a command to jump off the luxury liner of this world. Before you lap at the... Lap? Lap!

Before you lap... Stop leaping. At the stupid Christians, ask yourself if there's any proof that the claims are true. Ask yourself if there's any proof that the claims are true. The following pages give compelling evidence that the Bible is no ordinary book. Ah, just like this one. We've been on a quest for evidence for so long now. Still no close, but maybe this is the book that'll do it.

Well, it's just so beautiful. I think we should do an audio book. No. Yes, we can sell way more. To be honest, I don't know. All I can think about is your peeping bollock.