Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 351: Another Pocket

Episode Date: April 3, 2017

Stories covered in episode: (video) (video) (video)  Other stories: 

Today's show is brought to you by HelloFresh. Please visit HelloFresh.com and use the promo code COGDIS30 to save $30 off your first week of deliveries when you subscribe. Morning, Tom and Cecil. This is Matt from Idaho. Just wanted to let you know that every time I hear you guys intro a story and say Idaho or Boise, the first thing that comes to mind is, ah, fuck, what happened now? But anyways, keep up the good work. Glory hole. Cecil, thanks for all the hard work. Tom, thanks for showing up. Bye. Hey guys, this is Rebecca from Louisville, Kentucky, and I just wanted to respond to an

email you read on your last show about the mom whose parents were trying to teach her kids about God, and she wanted a show to counteract that. I would suggest Scooby-Doo. Not only does it encourage kids to be courageous and inquisitive, it is also a great lesson on skepticism. There will always be claims of witch doctors, black knights, or even the ghost of Captain Cutler. But if you gather enough evidence, you can always find the truth. And it is always a guy in a mask trying to trick people. Never a supernatural answer needed. Love the show.

Glory holes. Hey, Cecil and Tom. Greg here from Adelaide, South Australia. Hey, look, I'd love to see you guys at ReasonCon, but I don't want to come to your garbage country. Fuck that. But I'm excited that you're coming to Australia in November. But don't

just stay in Sydney and Melbourne because they're garbage cities. You want to come down to Adelaide, guys. And Cecil, I hate to break it to you, but you're going to be Cecil down here, mate. Glory hole, motherfuckers. What's up, bros? You hear that shit about David Smalley's and Jake Firewharton's gluteus?

Yo, shout out to David, bro. When I eat those gluteus, my abs are whack, bro. So I know where you're coming from. Yeah. Yeah, I told you we've got that similar disease, bro. So glory hole, motherfucker. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from glory hole studios in chicago this is cognitive dissonance every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way we bring critical thinking skepticism and irreverence to any

topic that makes the news makes it big or makes us mad it's skeptical it's political and there are no pillow hands. This is episode 351 of Cognitive Dissonance. I think one of the things, we were on Ishmael's show last week. We were. It was a great time. Listen to the actual production. One thing that I think is very useful about that is that it's going to be real easy to get a restraining order when we go down there. I know. Right?

Well, first of all, it's easy to get restraining orders anyway because he's black and we'll just say he's scary. I'll just be like, look, he's scary. He's an angry black man. He's got a whole show about how he's an angry black man. And you're in the South. Right? Oh, I think isn't there like a de facto restraining order

already for all white people versus black people in the South? Like, if I just say so, you can't come within 100 yards of me. If I put up a certain kind of fence, it's white picket. Oh, nice.

They call that the Tom Sawyer. They don't let you use that anymore. Feeling good today. This is the health nuts episode man i got the fucking plague early in this week and almost called off tonight because i was so sick i had this funny moment this week i was walking to work and you're in it you know you're in chicago so it's cold ish it's like 30 ish degree out and i had to go in because I scheduled something that day. And this person needed my key to get into a certain part of the area that they couldn't get in without me there.

And I was going to call him. But I was like, I already kind of called off on this guy one time. And if you do it a couple of times, you feel like a fucking jerk. So I'm like, I'll just go in. You do. So I grab my stuff and I start walking to work. And my body has like no way to regulate temperature now. Like it's just like, it's like, cause you're sick. As soon as, as soon as I walk outside,

I'm like, I'm sweating. I'm cold. I'm sweating. I'm sweating. I'm cold. And my body's like full steam ahead. Just make it sweat. Okay. Stop it from sweating. Okay. Full steam ahead. It's the worst. So I'm walking to work. All the gerbils that live inside your body are like working at cross purposes, like shoveling coal into the fucking furnace. The other one's like blasting the air conditioner. And then they're like, nobody's in charge. They're like pulling coal out. So I'm walking down the street and, you know, like it's winter in Chicago.

It's still, well, it's not spring, but it's close to winter and still cold. And so, you know, like no matter what, you're sniffly, right? It's cold out, you're sniffly. But I'm sick. So know, like no matter what, you're sniffly, right? It's cold out, you're sniffly. But I'm sick. So I'm like, you know, I'm sniffly, right? I can tell. And there's like, you know, that liquid, you just feel like liquid coming.

You're like, God damn it. Like I didn't bring a Kleenex. You got your beard stalactites growing. It fucking sucks. So I'm walking down the street and like, I feel like a little drip, but out of nowhere, out of nowhere, trigger warning if you're squeamish,

out of nowhere, this ribbon of snot just pours out of my nose and it's windy in Chicago. So the snot like lifts up. It's like a snot sock. Like a wind sock of boogers. It's like a fucking ectoplasm in those pictures. Just roar. And I'm like, what the fuck? Because normally like if you have a joke in your nose you're like fighting with it for a while right it's like oh i

know it's there okay get up okay get up yeah you know what i mean like you're fighting with this joke for a little while this is just like i just i don't know it's like my brain was trying to leave my body it's like you're blowing bubbles. It's insane. Oh, yeah. So you're feeling good. Feeling great. I am glad, by the way, that we are trapped in a small enclosed low ventilation space. This is Cecil's sick episode, episode 351.

I will be sick on episode 352. Through 360. I know, right? Yeah. Because when you get sick, you're sick for like a month. I don't fucking get sick like a pussy. When the machine breaks, the whole fucking thing, all the wheels come off

this fucking thing. You used to get like six months of coughing. It would just be six months of coughing. It would just be, I'm going to be sick. I'm going to be sick from November. I'm going to be sick from the beginning of November until April. Every year for 30 years or so. You know, I mean, the first, yeah, it was about 30 years.

Why don't you bang out those first 30, though? Well, I'm not going to have a second 30. No, as far as God's concerned, he knows the end from the beginning. All right. So this first story comes from the Joe My God blog. Pat Robertson, yesterday, mark my words, the Lord will give Trump the votes to pass Trumpcare. And then immediately this did not happen. Did it not happen?

It did not happen. Oh, well, that's because doesn't he have like a divine? Well, he talked to God, but he's really hard of hearing and senile. Which is surprising because of the size of those ears. You would think he would be able to collect more information.

He is the whole NSA tracking program at this point. He basically has fucking radars on the side of his head. He can hear bats talk to him. That's all he can. You know what he looks like? He looks like Batboy just grown up. He does. He does look like a grown-up

Batboy from Weekly World News. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, because the cheeks. If he were to open his mouth and file his teeth down a little bit, and let's hope he doesn't do that ever, by the way, but he's just an old version of Batboy. Yeah. He's Bat-Grandpa. that ever, by the way. But he's just an old version of Batboy. Yeah.

He's Bat-Grandpa. So let's play his clip. It's very short. This is just him predicting something that doesn't come true. I have a prediction to make. You can hold me to it. If I'm wrong, you can say you missed it. The health care bill is going to pass.

It's getting modified. The Freedom Caucus is going to get the modifications they're asking for. The modifications the Freedom Caucus was asking for? Get rid of essential health benefits. We'd like to pass a health care program called Nobody Gets Any Health Care. It's so funny. The reason why it didn't go through is because it wasn't restrictive enough

for some people. Let's be really true about that, right? It's like it might have accidentally still done somebody some good. We're going to talk to David Brody to see what... David Broder? Yeah. David Broder. Yeah.

He just sounded like he was motorboating some titties. He's like, David... Actually, he's there. But my prediction is it's going to pass. They're going to give Trump a victory. It's going to go through the Senate. And we are all going to rejoice that we're paying less give Trump a victory. It's going to go through the Senate and we are all going to rejoice that we're paying less on healthcare.

Now that's my prediction. Especially the rich people. Right. Especially the rich people who on that healthcare bill, we're going to get huge, like there's like a, like for people that were paying a lot,

like that had a lot of income, we're getting a ton of tax cuts. That's how it should be. So if you have a lot of money, you should have to pay less of it so that you get to keep more of it. And if you don't have a lot of income. We're getting a ton of. Well, that's how it should be. So if you have a lot of money, you should have to pay less of it so that you get to keep more of it. And then if you don't have a lot of money, you should pay more of it so that you're more poor longer. And then your kids also suffer.

And then you're just generationally thrown into a cycle of poverty so that the rich can continue to exploit you. Huh? That's how this works. We have 200 years of evidence. I just hate being the control group. And wait until tomorrow, you can prove me wrong if I'm wrong.

You heard it here. You heard it here. I knew that the Lord was going to give Trump victory. And I was arguing, people were arguing with me. No, no, no, he can't win. Yes, he's going to be the next president.

Oh, no, no, no. He's going to win. But we had that fascinating guest on that talked about, you know, the Cyrus biblically and how God used him. I had it before the fascinating guest, but I mean... You're a little pissy. I had it before the fascinating...

I was right before the fascinating guest. Let me go ahead and stake my fucking claim on my fucking prediction. Here's the thing. I was the better predictiologist or whatever. You've never had a fascinating guest, number one. Number two, you're kind of, if you did predict that, you're batting 500 at this point. Right. Yeah.

Before the election, they're going to get it. I mean, they're going to give it to the president. Mark my word, it will pass. They'll get those extra votes. It'll go through and everything. You know, they're going to work together to give a tremendous health care. Nobody. First of all, nobody works together. Healthcare. He sounds like Trump when he says that. Oh, what do you got in the box? Oh, that is a tremendous health care. Oh, is it just one tremendous health care? All right.

So this story, fuck this story. This comes from IE nation. Sorry, I drank and can't read. Tamil Nadu youth killed for being an atheist. Father says he too will become one. Everything about this story is fucked up, right? Because basically this young man gets hacked to death for being a vocal atheist, which is just awful by a group of people who says basically that they're out doing the will of God. And that, you know, there are like self appointed like vengeance seekers of Allah or some fucking nonsense. And then almost as bizarre, the dad's like,

yeah, well, you know, if that's what happened, if that's really what happened, then I'm also going to join his group is what he says. Like, I'm going to join his group.

And it's like, he's not part of a group. Just doesn't believe this shit. It's not part of a group. Everybody's getting everything wrong. Everybody in this transaction misunderstands the assignment start to finish. What is interesting is I was reading through the story and it said that like the,

the woman, the, the wife of this guy, they knew the people who did it. Yeah. Yeah. They knew who these people were. They were,

she's in shock because these people, they knew who they were. Right. And they lured this kid out. And the reason why they did it is because they, he took a picture of one of his kids holding a sign that just said in their language, no God,

no God, no God. And that's, that's the reason God. And that's the reason to murder somebody. That's the reason to murder somebody. To end somebody's life. So police claim that the accused are part of a self-radicalized group. And I thought like, how do you radicalize yourself? I mean, I've done some shit to myself. A lot of lube. You need a lot of lube. Right? Yeah. I don't know how many tissues you got to use to clean that shit up. Actually, if you self-radicalize, you clean up with your mouth. I'd have to remove all my ribs. Part of a self-radicalized group and had taken a vow to eliminate those who challenged their religion and faith.

What the fuck? But then people who know these people are like, yeah, that's not the case at all. They weren't terribly religious. They're just fucking evil. They're terribly religious. They're just what? Then they're just fucking evil. They're just bad. They're just like, but why would the bad,

here's the part, here's the problem I have with that. Why would the bad choose that direction to focus? Right? Like, like why? Like just why? Why wouldn't they write if you're bad and you just want to go kill somebody,

why don't you go fucking rob a liquor store and kill somebody? At least you get a fucking money and a liquor out of it, right? Like, I don't understand this. Like, it doesn't, it does not make very much sense. And I think at some point we have to start believing what people tell us. And I think if people tell us, I took a vow to do this shit and then they go do this shit. You don't get to second guess why. If somebody says, here's the thing i'm doing and the reason

i'm fucking doing it at some point you have to say like fucking then i just believe you now like what am i do i live inside your fucking brain like deeply enough that i can be like well actually when i looked inside your medulla oblongata that's not what you meant at all that's not what you meant at all you're like really yeah really i i think you know a think, you know, a lot of this is people trying to, you know, we talked about this before many times where people are trying to like, they see this happen and they think, you know, there has to be other factors involved. Yeah, right. And maybe there are, but this is the one that they told us about.

You know what I mean? Like, maybe there are other factors. Maybe they didn't like this guy. Maybe this guy did cheated him out of something a long time ago. You know, how do I know? You know what I mean? Like there are other factors maybe they didn't like this guy maybe this guy did cheated him out of something a long time ago you know how do I know you know what I mean like this guy has a whole history how do I know how this guy if this guy did anything bad to these people I don't know but what

I do know is that they've that they killed him and that they're blaming it on this yeah but like we only do this second guessing shit with religion yeah you know like if somebody's like I murdered that motherfucker because he fucked my wife. We're like, then there you go. You know?

We're not like, well, did he also steal from you? You know? If somebody says, like, I murdered that guy because he cut me off in traffic and I blew my fucking top. If somebody says, I murdered that fucking guy for, literally, for fucking any other reason, political reasons even. Even when there are political reasons, we believe there are political reasons. We never say, well, did you also check

to see if they had a religious... We only make this excuse when it's a religion because we seem to have this discomfort around this. We have this discomfort around taking people

on their fucking word when it comes to a religious motivation. I don't have that discomfort. I feel like at some point we just need to believe what people tell us when they tell us this is why I committed this act.

Right. I did a bad thing. Why'd you do it? Fucking this was the reason. It's not like we hear it once. You know, I think it would be reasonable to second guess them if it was some weird anomalous thing. Like if nobody was ever killing anybody and then saying it was for religious principles and then one guy did and you're like, really? Huh?

Yeah. That's fucking super weird. But when it happens and happens and happens and happens and happens and then an entire group of people springs up in the Middle East. And in this method, right? Like this is a method in which these people kill people.

Right. There's like a whole technique to this. Exactly. Like there's a whole way in which they are killing these people right this particular way they mason floss their weapons ahead of time like they put them in prep dishes and shit yeah imam mu mu here let's talk about this guy this is fucking amazing this is from cbc.ca can i just say that picture that's a lot of cloth that's a lot of cloth. That's a lot of cloth. That guy is keeping Joanne Fabric at business. What he looks like is like in one of those movies where five or six people get under a robe and get passed off to the person who's paying.

It actually looks like if there was like seven different kinds of animals all pretending to be a person so they can sneak past airport security. And there's like a giraffe and a hippo. They're going to get on an airplane and have a wacky adventure. That's this guy. Actually, that's just the hippo. It's not just the hippo. Just his hips are the hippo. All I'm saying is this guy is fucking

fat. He is so fat. He's a big dude. And that fucking, that moomoo's not helping. That moomoo doesn't help. That doesn't hide it. That just fucking exacerbates the problem here. It shows off his boobs. I tell you, man, his boobs are fucking

in charge, too. When you are wearing a sheet and you still can't hide your fucking chesticles, you're rocking some big old titties at this point. He's got some floppers. He's got some motorboat. Although you can't motorboat hairy titties, right?

Oh. Because they're like, it's like motorboat in a Brillo. It's all chafing and fucking like a beard rash or some shit on your face. You can scrub the fuck out of a pot with a tit though. You know what I mean? This is a guy who has to lift to clean, right? He's got like Fremont cheese under there. Just pulls out like a goo.

It's like Vegemite. It's just got a bunch of Vegemite underneath his boobs. This is a guy who can't wash himself with just a bar of soap. He needs to hire a circus guy with a brush. Anyway, this fat imam. Yeah, and he's so fucking fat. He big imam calling for jews to be killed in sermon at montreal mosque draws police complaint larger muslim community wants apology from mosque and wonders why controversial imam was invited to preach um but so i what i want to read out of this

is i want to read the um the part that he actually read. So what did he actually say? In the video, the Imam recites in Arabic the verse. Now let's be super, let's make sure that we don't want to misquote this guy. So here's what he says. O Muslim, O servant of Allah, O Muslim, O servant of Allah,

there is a Jew behind me. Come and kill him. That sounds like the worst game of marco polo for the jew anyway you know what it is muslim like it's funny because it says the hadith in question deals with the end times and tells how stones and trees oh i know will ask muslims to come and kill jews hiding behind them i read that and i have to say my my first thought was the fuck yeah do you like a there's a fucking stone and there's like a jew hiding back there and

the stone's like hey he's behind me you're gonna be able to find him anyway because they keep on asking if it's the lowest price it's gonna be real easy to find him is this as low as you can go on this yeah like you would think you just pay the stone off you know what i mean like come on buddy uh what's it take three four, four pebbles. He's a Jew. He's not going to pay anybody. I think his life is on the line. So the tree is anthropomorphic enough to talk, but not to kill the fucking Jew itself. Exactly right. Yeah.

Really? Like you're just like, I only have a mouth. I wish I could fucking thanks for fucking anthropomorphizing just my fucking mouth. And I guess a set of lungs and a fucking larynx. Like what? Please stop chopping me down. I was majestic.

What a dumb fucking story. It is fucking, you know, I know that they call the police and, and there's a police complaint because of it. And, you know, he is inciting violence in some way. But it's also like it feels so ridiculous.

It's almost beyond. But here's the thing, man. It should be so ridiculous, right? But this guy, I mean, like, Tubby McGee is being asked to speak. Like, he's a fucking guest hate speaker. Yeah. And, like, at's some point it's like because i thought the same i was like who is who is going to be persuaded by that that is not already

persuaded right but i think part of the problem is like how do you get to the point of being already persuaded and the part of the way you get you get to the point of being already persuaded to kill jews or whatever is that you've heard this guy or some version of this fucker a hundred times. You've heard this guy so many times at some point that you're like, man, everyone wants me to kill a fucking Jew. It's normalizing anti-Semitism.

In the name of Jesus, we speak that. Oramana Shanda Karabah. No korimene mele. Jerikidei burishida. Kiliberasa. Uka chaka uka uka uka chaka uka uka uka chaka In total Croatia news. Not like that shitty partial Croatia news. This is from their fucking health minister, Milan Biovowl.

Hold on a second. Let's talk about this in fucking Klingon down here. Okay. What's with the Z and the C with all the stuff on top? Like you frosted them. What is that? Let's play a game. Let's try to pronounce this. I'm sure our Croatian listeners,

all zero of them, will give us a call. Croatian health minister, Milan Kujančić. No, I'm going to say it's Kujančić. Kujančić. Oh, you're going to the Y for the J sound? Yeah, I'm going to say Y for the J sound. That doesn't sound like it at all, actually.

You added a bunch of letters. At some point, you just fucking make sounds at it. Like, just one of these sounds has to be right. And you're just trying to make every series of noises. And it's like, to make every series of noises. And it's like, Ker-rod-jig-er-riff-its.

I don't know. Fucking, all right. So, Christian, I'm going to be serious. Christian health minister, Milan Smith, participated in the roundtable Religion and Politics in Upbringing Education and Health.

During his speech, he said that, quote, sometimes having one priest in the hospital means more than having 20 physicians. Because priests smile, comforting word, and encouragement mean a lot for both the patient and family. If I go to the hospital for smiles, I went to the wrong hospital.

I can get a fucking smile anywhere. I can go fucking to Pacific Sunwear to buy sunglasses and they'll fucking smile at me. The barista on occasion will smile at you. No, they don't. No, not when they see me. Now they're just like, oh, this one again. He's the one who hates us. He's going to yell at me about putting sugar in his coffee.

Couldn't you just tell your physicians to be more friendly? Yeah, that's the other thing. It's like, so the priest comes in, he smiles, and he says nice things, and he's encouraging. Like, my doctor smiles at me and says nice things and is encouraging. They encourage me to eat less. They encourage me to get in fucking shape. They encourage me to be a different person. They encourage you to shower.

So I want to tell a quick physician story. So this has nothing to do with anything, but it amuses me. So I had a physical the other day. I don't recommend. It's all bad news. I had a physical the other day, and they asked me, you know, like, how many drinks? They're like, how is it possible that we can light your blood on fire? How is that possible?

You're like a petroleum spill as a human. Like, how does this even work? They're like, we would draw blood, but no. Actually, if we do, there'll be a gusher. Someone will have to go to Beverly. I'd just be like, sometimes you don't need to do the test. Like that of mom? I don't need to calculate his BMI to say he's overweight.

There's no like, oh, hold on a minute. Let me, let me break out a calculator, divide something by somebody else. His BMI just says, I give up. Yeah. That weight is only appropriate if you're 43 feet tall. So, but they ask you like, I went to a new doctor. So they take a whole like history, right?

And they're like, you know, do you drink? And I'm like, yeah. And they're like, well, how many drinks do you have a week? And I said, a week? Like I said, I was like, I don't know, like 12 to 14. Like I drink maybe two drinks a night, you know, on average, some none, some two. So, you know, and then that like prompted this whole battery of additional questions. So how many times have you missed work because of drinking? And I said, I realized what was happening pretty quick.

I said, wait a second. I'm not an alcoholic. I said, I know, right? But now I'm like, I'm like panicking, right? Like I'm not like I don't have fucking gin blossoms, right? So like, I'm not an alcoholic. I said, I just, I have a drink or two like often. i just have a drinking problem it's not a problem it's a drinking solution

well i was like i i was like i don't have a drinking problem like i i just i like a call from work and maybe i'll have a drink or two with like i'll have a drink with dinner maybe one in the evening but i just don't want to lie to you and tell you i have four if i have six right i'm not going to give you a fake number. So seven fucking days in a week, the number's not three. Like that's not a thing. And then she said, she's like, I, you know, and she, she, no, she's like a prom. So a series of questions when you answer, she's like, because we take whatever number

you give us and we multiply it by three. And I was like, you do. Oh, because everybody think you're lying. Because everybody lies. So in her mind, I told her I drink 36 drinks a week. Yeah, but admittedly, when we were at QED, you did that a night. That was a five to seven day period of drunkenness that I contend was entirely not sustainable. But yeah, it cracked.

I had to stop her. I had to be like, look, I just didn't want to lie to you. Sure. You know, like, I'm not going to lie to my doctor, but everybody does. But they think that everybody does,

no matter what, because they think you're drinking 60 drinks a week or whatever. Right, right. They're just like, oh my God. Like, there had to be like that moment where he's like, this guy's doing keg stands every night. Okay, they just like click the button

called how is he still standing? You know, like this man is actually flammable like he said so you know maybe if they had been smiling with more comforting words and encouragement i wouldn't be such a fucking raging alcoholic we lord we just asked it to be covered with the blood of jesus open hearts lord open hearts this story comes in a friendly atheist blogger, Patheos. Brazilian soccer star. Fuck. God forgave me for torturing my girlfriend and feeding her body to dogs. Now, that's actually a pretty misleading title.

So let's scroll down a little bit. Specifically, I want to outline what happened first. to outline what happened first. So he was sentenced to 22 years in prison for his involvement in the murder of former model Alicia Samudio. I'm probably mispronouncing it. I'm sorry. They were engaged in a paternity dispute. When Samudio began demanding child support payments, a group of his friends kidnapped

the young woman, tortured her, and fed her dismembered body to Rottweilers. So he didn't actually, it doesn't sound like he did the killing. No. He just orchestrated the horrifying murder, torture, and eventual dog feeding thing. But it's good news. There's a bright

side. There is a bright side. Silver lining. He says, what happened, happened. I made a mistake. A what happened? Happened. I made a mistake. A mistake? A serious one. A whoopsie? But mistakes happen in life. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. People tried

to bury my dream. Well, you can't bury your girlfriend. So, might as well bury your dream. People tried to bury my dream. Now she's a thin coat of fertilizer on the yard. People tried to bury my dream because of one mistake. But I asked God for forgiveness and God was like, I forgive anybody who feeds dogs.

I love dogs. I'm a dog guy. Whether you feed other humans to dogs, I don't even care. I'm just like, you know what? I forgive you. Dog got to eat. Way to go. But we cannot skip the last line.

The last line is, so I'm carrying on with my career, dude. Right on, bro. You fucking tortured a woman to death and fed her to dogs. Someone else did. Someone under your fucking what? Supervision, direction yeah purview say so clearly he's involved in some way or he wouldn't have been thrown in jail 22 years it couldn't just be that his friends did it without his knowledge right because if that's the case

then you're not you know you're not right oh yeah it's not like he didn't get a knock on the door hey dude good news yeah what's up hey man remember that problem you had with your ex-girlfriend yeah it's been really tough. It's been weighing on my mind a lot. Yeah, we fed her to the dog. Oh, yeah. Oh, George, get the fuck out of her first. Wait, what?

Yeah. I'm sure that's not how that went down. Nobody does that for you. Here's how, when you do something nice for your friend that they're not expecting, it never involves torturing their girlfriend to death yeah i can't think of anything i mean what the fuck i got you this amazing gift just a little you know what i was in the store and i bought you some torture no it's not savarty crystal or whatever but then for him to be like man i, I got to kick a ball around. Like,

bro, my team needs me. I am really good at kicking a ball. So it's okay. If I kill people, because sometimes you have to kick a ball. Well, I'm killed.

It's very different. Jesus Christ. I keep conflating the two. Oh my god. Fake news. Yik yak. But God forgave him so he can kick a ball around. I'm not a bad guy, he says. That's the part that I...

I'm not a bad guy. I'm going to go on a limb here and say if you have someone feed your dead, chopped up ex-girlfriend to dogs that kind of puts you on the bad guy path it's somebody that they have a child with too by the way because there's a paternity dispute involved does he get custody the kid city after city watching ordinances that say that your seven-year-old daughter, if she goes into the restroom, cannot be offended, and you can't be offended,

if she's greeted there by a 42-year-old man who feels more like a woman than he does a man. This has been a rough week. This week's been a little shaky, guys. This is from BuzzFeed. This bus is on a road trip to convince you that transgender people aren't real. Okay. This is just a big orange-ass bus

with on the side, it says free speech bus. It's biology. Boys are boys and always will be. Girls are girls and always will be. You can't change sex. That's it. That's what it says on the side. I can't change sex. That's it. That's what it says on the side.

It's basically just, I wonder how many bathrooms are in that bus. It was just one bathroom that people have to share. Oh, how would that work? Huh? Everybody gets raped in the bathroom. They would have like a,

they would have like a, a gender neutral bathroom on there. I bet. Or they have to have to like they hadn't, maybe they had, they hadn't have another one installed in order for them to be. They'd have gender. It's gender neutral. Consistent, I bet. Or they have to have to. Like they had, maybe they had, they had to have another one installed in order for them to be. They'd have gender, it's gender neutral.

Consistent. I'm almost positive. So yeah. Or they just take the bathroom out, right? Avoid the question entirely. That's true. Like it's fucking awkward. But those big ass fucking weird cross country buses

all have pissers in them. They do. Yeah. They always smell like a bum. They smell like a fucking hobo in there. Because when you're driving on the road and you have to go to the bathroom and they start hitting bumps, you're fucking pissing all over the place.

Women are doing handstands on the thing, pissing on the ceiling. Ridiculous. So I love their plan. Their plan is basically to drive the bus to a place, park the bus, and then just yammer at people. Like, it's the most pointless bus possible. The guy who invented it was like, yeah, we just want to spark conversation and we'll do a meet and greet with other people

that hate trans people. That's what he says. We can do a meet and greet with our supporters of our fucking bigot bus. Yeah. I want to read one of the translations because they had another bus in another country

and the other bus says boys have penises, girls have vaginas. Don't be deceived. What is it like fucking David Copperfield's going to pull the cloth away and turn fucking

Oh my God, I got a vagina now. I was deceived. Oh, abracadabra, you're the opposite sex. I thought I was hard but it's a vagina oh my god

what now i have another pocket another pocket there's so much room for activities new place to store my keys but uh lose my keys. Yeah. If you had a vagina, you would lose your keys. The, the, the whole concept though, with these things is to go around and basically say, look,

sex and gender are the same thing, right? Sex and gender, biological sex and gender are exactly the same. And we can't differentiate between these two things. And we've met people and we've talked to people that have transitioned from their original gender to a different gender that are perfectly happy that aren't hurting anybody which is weird because they call it a free speech bus and you're like well aren't you like if you like free speech why

don't you care about free expression of people to be whatever gender they want? Well, why do you have to like like pigeonhole them in the gender you want them to be? And isn't that like isn't that kind of anti free speech? Yeah, I don't know. I mean, it's I don't I it's why do they care so much? Right. That's the thing I'm baffled by it. They care so much that they're fucking taking time out of their fucking day to drive around on a fucking giant orange bus with a message that's just weird. And then they're just going to hope people show up and also agree with them. Like, I'm also uncomfortable with this. Like, okay, no one cares that you're uncomfortable.

This is not like a big problem in your life that other people exist in the world that make you feel weird, right? Okay, so it makes these guys feel weird. That's the worst anyone's ever going to do to you. Yeah. Right? It's just going to be like, I don't know what to do with that. Look, I've said it before. I'll say it to Ari.

Like, I don't understand non-binary gender. It doesn't make me feel weird, but I can't fucking wrap my fucking nugget around this concept. So I'm sympathetic to the idea that some ideas around gender are difficult to understand. Right? That's why I say this. It's not a shot at Ari, right? No, no. Who cares that I can't?

But my feeling about this is who cares that I can't understand it? Sure. I don't even care that I don't understand it. Yeah. I would like to understand better, right? Like my level of like, I don't really fucking fully understand this at all.

When I think about it, it inspires me to be like, well, maybe I'd like to understand that a little better. That's it. That's it. I don't have a bus called, I don't understand that I drive around. The bus would be huge. It would be like, here are the things I don't understand. It would be a huge bus the bus would be huge it'd be like here are the things i don't understand it would be a huge bus it would be a huge bus with a trailer and another right and

then a billboard how small can the writing be and then a battleship right you know what'd be great though is if that all these fucking stations of ignorance or whatever they're calling it if ever just fucking just got flooded with trans people yeah if trans people just showed up and just like came out hung out and they don't do anything except for like the worst like just have signs like we also feel weird like or just walk up to them and just have a conversation right you want to stop you want to spark this conversation when you spark this free speech we'll have a conversation with a trans person right yeah here's your opportunity god it's so fucking weird that they care so much now here's what I want you to understand here. He says, look, when you sacrifice a child to an idol,

you are sacrificing that child to demons. That's the word that's used right here in the scripture. I looked it up in the Hebrew lexicon. You know what that word demon means? It means demon. I love this story so much, Cecil. This is also from the Friendly Atheist blog over at Patheos. Another reason that Christians are boycotting beauty and the beast,

the beast looks like Satan. That's fair. How can you look like something that isn't real? You can't. Satan doesn't look like anything. Satan doesn't look, they're saying he looks like Baphomet, right? I know they're saying he looks like

Baphomet, but like the article or the blog or whatever this person's like is like, don't be fooled. It's scarier than we think because he looks like a big scary monster, man. It's a monster. It's called Beast, you stupid fucking asshole.

He says, I refuse to watch and allow my children to see whatever twisted subliminal messages Disney is trying to put in this movie. Hold on a second. You don see whatever twisted subliminal messages Disney is trying to put in this movie. Hold on a second. You don't understand what subliminal messages are. Right. Because you're saying it looks like a beast.

That's not subliminal. That's overt. That's an overt message. A subliminal message would be every once in a while you see like a flash of like one frame that says like worship Satan. The beast is great or something. That's what a subliminal message is. People don't get that. They're like, oh, it's a subliminal... You don't even know what you're talking about.

It's expressly the message. If that's what your belief is, it's in the title. Beast. It's a beauty on the strangely disfigured individual. That's not what it says. That's not what it says. He says too, he's like, keep in mind, children are their main

targets. It's a kid's movie. Yeah. When we take a creature and we anthropomorphize it and we try to, he probably has fucking backwards legs and shit. You know what I mean? It probably looks like half fucking, it looks like Pan or something. I imagine. I don't know, but I suspect

he looks a little like Pan or something. he's got like fucking backwards ass legs in the back or whatever it's like goat simulator you know so this guy looks like you know you like you like you said you put goat horns on somebody sort of flatten their mouth to look like and flatten their face a little make them look like a cat sort of you know i mean like you start giving them animalistic qualities and yeah they look a little creepy and they look like they look like beasts but that's what they did with baphomet you know this is all made up that's what that's exactly the thing it's like it doesn't look like satan because satan's not real you can't make something look like something that isn't yeah

right it isn't guys it isn't you know what you also can't do you can't draw Allah you can't like you draw Muhammad maybe you don't know what he looks like maybe but I don't know you can't fucking draw oh what's all okay well let me get on my pen and paper I don't need it it turns out never saw it nobody has it's not real you can't you can't do any of these things nothing can look like Satan you made it up so. So, Tom, you recently got a delivery of HelloFresh. Yeah, I've been doing the HelloFresh thing now for I don't know, maybe

like four or five weeks, give or take. I love it. So you did it first and you're still doing it. It's kind of perfect. First of all, I don't have to grocery shop, which I don't want to do. And I don't have to meal plan. I got two kids and I work full time. I do the show full time. I just don't have to grocery shop, which I don't want to do. And I don't have to meal plan. But I got two kids and I work full time. I do the show full time.

I just don't have time for this. I don't have time. I don't have any interest. They shows up at my door in a box with everything I need, all measured out. There's no waste. I open it up. I make the food. It takes about a half an hour.

The kids trash the house. I'm trying to... I got two kids and a dog. It's chaos. It's just dog. It's like, it's chaos. It's just chaos. It's absolute bedlam. If I try to make a meal that takes more than 30 minutes, I should just burn my house down. Also, your kids are not going to appreciate a meal that takes more than 30 minutes.

More than they would a meal that takes 15 minutes. Right. And here's the thing. Like I make these meals. It's a variety of things I wasn't going to make otherwise. Like there's no way. The other day,, what did I make? A dukkah, dukkah, I don't know how it's pronounced, crusted cod with couscous. I was never going to make that otherwise. I was never going to make that. I made shrimp and grits the other day. I love grits. I don't make them for the kids. I made them. Finn now likes grits. It's like a whole thing. You know what I made the other day which I really enjoyed was they had this, it's almost like a huevos rancheros but it was more Indian style. So it used

garbanzo beans instead and it was like a red sauce. It was outstanding. And you drop the eggs right in there, you cook it in the oven, you cook it off. It came with flatbread. It was perfect. And it's perfectly measured out, like you said, and it delivered free to your door. So check these out. You can save $30 right now. All you have to do is go to HelloFresh.com, enter the promo code COGDIS30, and save $30 on your first week of deliveries

when you subscribe. This is great. This is from Right Wing Watch. Lance Wall... thinks his prayer effort is saving Trump from leaks and witchcraft. So let's hear this. I'm never going to be able

to save him from leaks. He has frequent urination syndrome. From the research that I've been doing. Research. Research. Look at that. Tom, look at this

fucking garbage thing he threw on there. That's his research. Look at that. Tom, look at this fucking garbage thing he threw on there. That's his research. If you watch this video, it's just like, it's like he drew a house and he drew a couple of names and then he drew an arrow

from one name to the other and three circles. This is like, this is like the non-savant version of that like quirky detective who's got like the big tack board. Like, there's like dozens of of strings to make the connections

except for you're not the savant. You're not actually good at it. You're just like, oh no, I drew an arrow. You got no other thoughts. I don't know. Keys or sunglasses. I have no intermediary steps. It's interesting

that this is also a month that because we just came out of Esther's fast, the Feast of Purim. It's just shaking your head. You're just shaking your head. It's okay, dude. Look, we just got out of the sign

of estrogen. Now we all got a perm or whatever he said. We're all back to ovulating. It's like you're on your fucking old way or whatever. It's time to fucking get busy. You'll do stuff. You'll do stuff this week. This is the party week.

This is high five week right here. I'll tell you what, I'll schedule my vacation time around this. It's also the month when God is ordering matters within government and also within the political realm. Oh, other than the government and the political realm. Both, Tom? That sounds amazing. I hope we're not ever redundant again. This is a time of year when kings are actually playing a big part in the history of what goes on in Israel.

As Pharaoh was playing a part in this month in the history of Israel. Is he talking about because something important happened in this month? Like fucking two millennia ago, that we should care what's happening this month and it relates to this month? Which month? If you have a 2,000-year timeline to work with and you cut the year into 12s, which month did nothing important happen? Which month did nothing important happen? It's curious to me that during this period of time with Esther's fast and Purim, which was also taking place during this time period, that we have the incidents going on now where President Trump has had his legitimacy as a president constantly questioned and harassed by the principalities and powers. I seriously don't know how you look at the news today as a Trump supporter and not say,

I'd like to have this investigated. As a Trump supporter, how do you watch this unfold and think, no, they're just after him? Well, that's the problem, right? Is that if you're a Trump supporter, you don't watch the same news you and I would watch. And you don't think that the mainstream media that you believe, first of all, you believe in the idea of a mainstream media, right? You believe that that's an important concept. And then you believe that mainstream media has some collective and overt directionary agenda, right? And so you dismiss all that. directionary agenda right and so it's you dismiss all that and then you go find the news that more closely agrees with the narrative that that you already have decided upon right you're you're a conclusions first guy yeah yeah exactly right that are operating through media and what we call deep state that are those establishment uh elites that have been in the washington beltway who are it's

like one guy said last night, he said, Donald Trump is a big battleship, but he just met the ocean because the history of Washington and that large labyrinth of power. Wait, a labyrinth of power? Wait a minute, wait a minute. Wait, just a fucking minute. I know how words word. How do you have a labyrinth i.e a maze-like structure of power something can be labyrinthine but you cannot have a labyrinth of power oh let's all hop into our maze of power and you're looking at it with what's coming the fbi suddenly coming out and saying that donald trump is under investigation we all know it's it's what's coming, the FBI suddenly coming out and saying that Donald Trump is under investigation.

We all know it's totally fake news. No, the fact that he's under investigation is actual news. It's actual news. He is, that is a thing. He is under an investigation. The fact that you don't like something doesn't render it fake news. Even if it turns out that the investigation yields a result that

clears him. Yeah. No results at all or clears him. Yeah. We are not in a fake news situation. Fake news would be that something was made up. Yeah. The fact of an investigation is a thing that is occurring. The investigation would be the thing that would find out whether or not it was fake. Right. But it wouldn't

be fake news. Yeah. Fake news, like the allegation would be the thing that would find out whether or not it was fake. Right. But it wouldn't be fake news. Yeah. Fake news. Like the allegation would be false. Yeah. But the news around the investigation would not be fake news. It would only be fake news if there in fact wasn't an investigation. They were lying about it. Right.

Well, we can't even get this. This is real easy shit. It's just real easy shit. But it doesn't matter. That's the power of politics, pulling on the agencies to get people to say stuff in order to create a narrative that delegitimizes the president. And then today, interesting today, after the fast and after we've been praying and after uh we've been talking about hayman being uh hung hey he was hey i think it's really bad for the hymen to be hung actually on his own gallows today news comes out that says that there was a indeed there was a agency-wide

sharing of names of individuals that never should have been revealed who were somehow caught in the net of surveillance that was being done and put into documents that were leaked to the press so as to create the impression that Trump is under investigation. No, no, fucking director of the FBI has said we are investigating this. Like you can't, like he said it out loud with his mouth face. And that he's being, you know, under surveillance, he's being wiretapped. So when Donald Trump goes and says what he's reading in the news, he's accused of being insane.

And it's kind of, it's an interesting kind of witchcraft going on there. Don't you think? I mean, it's just so obvious to me. No, there's no witchcraft. And also the fucking president should not be just repeating shit that he hears on the news. The fucking president should not just be like, wow, I saw this shit on the news. I heard something on the news. So it's the fucking president. He's got a responsibility to the truth that is greater than I heard this on the news.

Yeah. He also has access to information that is deeper and more significant. A normal person doesn't have. You can't just be like, I heard a story I threw to the guy who told me he read it at a water cooler. I don't know. That's not good enough. You're the fucking president.

You have a responsibility to the truth. The thing though is I think that he doesn't feel like he does. And I think a lot of people on the other side don't feel like he does. There's a lot of people who recognize that he is lying and they know he lies. And they're asking that. Do you think the president said falsehoods? Do you think he's saying?

And they say, yes. Does it bother you? No, it doesn't bother them. And the reason why it doesn't bother them is they think that he's upturning the apple cart of politics in the United States. So they're happy to see these people like just scrambling because they are not used to having things pulled out from underneath them. So when he lies, there's a segment of the population that is giddy with excitement that he's tweaking people. I hear what you're saying, man. I do.

But this is one of those moments where you say something and I'm genuinely like, I think you're right. Yeah. And I'm not, I don't know how to make a funny joke about it.

No, that's not funny. I don't think it's funny. It's not funny. I don't think it's funny. It's scary because he's a very powerful person. He was very powerful before. He had a big presence.

He has a huge media presence. Social media is huge for him. So he has a huge media presence social media is huge for him so he has a huge presence before even if he wasn't president yeah he's a very powerful person with him being the president as well he's a he's an ultra powerful person and his uh the way he conducts himself is a reflection of how this nation is conducting itself you know him handing fucking angela Angela Merkel a fucking bill that he denies. He denies he did it, but everybody at the all the German papers are saying, yeah, he did. That's what he did.

Yeah. Here's the thing that I'm speculating and I don't care. If all the papers reported it in a positive way, he would take credit for it. Yeah. You know this is true. Yep. But because the press about this fucking incredibly stupid goddamn gaffe yeah of handing fucking angela merkel a fucking invoice

for her fucking nato responsibilities the fucking unbelievable hubris of that that was pointed out and the press was incredibly negative around that. All of a sudden he'll just decide it didn't happen. That's astonishing. That's astonishing to just rewrite history in the moment. Yeah, and that's the truth. I've never seen this happen. And that's the truth. What he's saying is he will go out on a limb, say something crazy, and then just say he never said it.

wad on a limb, say something crazy and then just say he never said it. Like, even after he said he was going to repeal and replace Obamacare, one of the things he said afterwards was like, I never said I was going to repeal and replace Obamacare. They could play clips of him saying a thing and then play a clip

of him saying, I did never say that. Yeah, I never said it. Go to YouTube, you can find dozens of these things. How are Trump supporters okay? I know that we have some Trump supporters. How are you okay with that part? Yeah. And don't tell me it doesn't happen.

We can find that shit right now. There's two answers I won't take. One, that it doesn't happen because I can show you a million things. And the second one is Hillary would be worse. I don't want to hear that. I don't want to hear that either. She's not the president. Right. So don't tell me that, you know, whether or not she would be worse. What I want to know is how you're OK with Trump doing this now. Right. Don't talk about Hillary in this. Talk about how you're OK with Trump doing it. You know, Obamacare

is really, I think, the worst thing that has happened in this nation since slavery. This is Right Wing Watch. Wayne Allen Root. Trump should ignore those who will lose health care under his plan because none of them are voting for Trump anyway. Hey, this guy's a fucking straight shooter at least. Here we go. Don't worry about the 24 million that might lose their coverage. By the way, CBO, CBO, Correctional Budget Office, didn't say they're going to lose their coverage. By the way, CBO, CBO, Correctional Budge Loves, didn't say they're going to lose their coverage. They said they may choose to get off it out of their own free will.

For good reason. So it was a completely misjudged headline, you know, completely miscommunicated, misjudged, or purposely done that way. But they didn't say they're all losing it. Some of them will lose it. Some will choose to leave it because they have better choices under Trump care than they did under Obamacare. That's the biggest news that no one, you know, everyone ignored or no one ever heard. So just ignore that and worry about the entire silent majority middle class that's losing their lives because of Obamacare. The 24 million that are on it. Guess what? None of them are voting for Trump anyway. Why would you care? They're not voting for you. You're never going to get their vote. Just let them die. Why would you care about 24 million people losing their health care? I care about everyone that loses their health care coverage. Didn't he just say like it wasn't 24 million? Yeah, but even if it's 10 million. Yeah. Like let's let's take his let's take his premise for for face value, even though I don't believe he's right. And I think he's ignoring the factors behind it. But let's say it was 10, let's say 10 million,

let's say 2 million people are just losing their healthcare. Yeah. Well, what the fuck? I care about that. You know why? Because I fucking care about people. Yeah.

Because I'm people. I just want to make sure that those people aren't going to, you know, go through a shitty time in life. Medical billing, getting fucking sick or injured, and having to pay the exorbitant amount of money that we have to pay in this country for medical care,

it's so crushing to some people. People don't understand how crushing that can be, because a lot of people that listen probably have a job with insurance, and they're just like, oh, okay, whatever. But even with insurance, sometimes you can pay an exorbitant amount of funds just for what could be normal life situations, births, those sorts of things.

It's a lot of money that has to go out to that stuff. Yes. I mean, I don't want to get too deep into it, but I've spent tens of thousands of dollars and I've always been insured. I've always been insured on medical care. And I've been, thankfully, I've been able to find ways to make those bills work. But yeah, I understand. I guess the thing that makes me crazy is like, I understand that something totally conceivable, I could sit down and write a story that starts with, I woke up tomorrow and, and then when I write that story, it's two pages long

and I could write a story called, fuck, I'm out of a job. I need health insurance and I'm sick. Right. That is not a story I don't know how to write. I know how to get from here to there. The fact that I happen to be in a good situation today doesn't mean that I'll be in a good situation tomorrow. People don't understand that. Right. It's the immediacy of your own life. Right. Right. Yeah. I understand that there are a lot of factors and there's a lot of good fucking luck that I rely on

every day to maintain my position in the middle class. And my health. I understand all of that. Even if I didn't care about other people, even if I was just the most selfish motherfucker on the planet, I still care about other, like, I still care about me. Yeah.

Because I could be fucking displaced tomorrow. Yeah. You know? You could be out of a job. I could be out of a job. You know, in the same week, my, you know, my fucking home could burn down. It happens to people, right? Like, I could lose all my belongings.

I could get in a car accident on my way home from the fucking studio right now. These things happen to people. They could happen to me. I don't understand why we think like, because I don't need it today, I'll always be the one who doesn't need it. But I think that that was a lot.

But that had a lot to do with just that plan in general. There was a lot of people that were saying that they didn't want health insurance. They were young. They didn't need health insurance. They didn't want to pay for health insurance. And while I understand that mindset, I get it. And I think the problem is that we've commodified our own health in this country. So we've said our health is a commodity that I'm willing to insure instead of saying everybody deserves this basic right, which is they should be able to be healthy. And there's a difference in the way we treat it

than almost every other civilized place in the world. Every other civilized place in the world is like, look, this is a human right. To have health is a human right. When you're sick, you go to the doctor. When you're injured, you go to the emergency room. You don't pay those costs. Those fees never roll down to you.

You pay for it. Everybody pays for it, but it comes out pay for it. Everybody pays for it. But it comes out of your taxes. Everybody pays for it. It's like the roads. Yeah. It's crazy that we even commodify our health at all. Yeah.

Just not even just our health care. The idea that I could put a dollar value to my health is asinine. It's just... Because I would pay for whatever. It doesn't matter. That's the thing, right? Like, if your life was on the line, you'd be like, no, I'll save the money. Yeah.

Of course you would. There's a difference between you and your dog, right? Your dog's like, yeah, it's going to be a $40,000 operation. Be like, so long mittens. It's like, you know, it's going to be a $40,000 operation. And they're like, Sarah's going to die. I'd be like, so long. So no, I'd be like, I'd be like, no, of course not.

You'd be like $40,000, $10,000, $100,000, a million dollar operation. It's like, whatever. I'll sell literally everything I have. I'll do whatever I can to make sure that this happens. And we put a dollar value on it. And it's weird. It's a weird way to look at it.

And we keep on trying to revise a system where we put a dollar value on it. We're revising the wrong system. Right. We need to go to a different system, which is there's a dollar value on it. We're revising the wrong system. Right. We need to go to a different system, which is there's no dollar value on health. You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers? I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. This is from Right Wing Watch. Rick Wiles. Guys, no shit. The government is going to send a robot to your house to eat you for lunch. I want to play this. This is absolutely amazing.

Rick Riles is in rare form here. But this is 2009. Wired Magazine said the U.S. Defense Department is funding research into battlefield robots that power themselves by eating human corpses. Not actually true. It was 2009? Yeah. Have they been in development for this many years

where you can't find dead bodies to feed them? Just come to Chicago. Jesus Christ. They've got plenty of dead bodies. I thought perpetual motion machines weren't real. That's where all those people are dying in Chicago.

We have killer robots that are eating their corpses. Beep, bop, boop. I'm going to eat you. Danger, danger. Really? Really? Also, if the military is making it and it eats corpses, I'm down with like, you know, I'd be like, what were we going to do? I'm like, they're corpses.

Like it's a battlefield and we're fighting with robots it's the future yeah i make video calls now you know like i expect at some point i expect robots to fight and eat the corpses i'm gonna be disappointed if they don't it's interesting that they that they that he focuses on this throughout the whole piece it's like what you should be focusing on is that they're killer robots not what they do with the body like the killer part is the important part what they do with the body afterwards if they hollowed you out and turned you into a bird feeder who gives a shit you know right

but also i do want to point out that it's inaccurate because i think the article is biomass yeah but they ask in the article they're're like, could they eat humans? Like, yeah, I guess. But they normally, yeah. We're just not going to make them do that. Like, we're just, like you were thinking, the designers will be like, there's, why?

Yeah, but we're not going to do that. There's plenty of biomass around. But we could, right? We could make them eat people. Could they just like eat a foot? Depends on how far they want to go. It's like how many feet per mile they get to Thomas's corpse and it just

falls over. He's got nothing to eat. Damn. I am out of energons. Now listen to what the Pentagon is calling them. Energetically autonomous tactical robots. The acronym

is EATR. E-A-T-R. That is fucking amazing. I bet you they don't even have these. They're just trolling Rick Wiles. Wired is like, yeah, I'm going to make something up. This is fake news. Our military, Steve, is developing an army of human flesh eating robots.

Okay. Our military routinely develops weapons that are so horrific. That are way worse. That the idea that you've got a robot that shoots and eats you. Yeah. Like we have fucking like, like, like white phosphorus bombs,

like nuclear weapons, like a melt the flesh off of shit. Like cruise missiles, fucking nukes on. We've got, we've got shit that like destroys not just you, but the environment that you, that all human habitation might've lived in.

Knock the fucking earth off its axis with the amount of bombs we have. We're routinely developing more and more and more unbelievably awful shit. We have weaponized smallpox, guys. And we're just like, but I'm upset that a robot might eat my baby or whatever.

What? This is like a one-on-one fighting thing that you're worried about. The mechs are fighting. I'm going to get popcorn to watch the civil war style. It's like the least lethal thing they've developed in the last 10 years. We're racing into a in time beast system. And if you turn on Christian television and Christian radio, or you go to your typical church,

they're living in another century. Yeah. Cause they're Amish. What does that make sense? Like if I turn on, they have, they don't have mustaches. They have big beards.

Yeah. Buggy whips. So wait in full dresses, hairy vaginas, totally different century. I can trim that shit. Fucking 2017. It's fucking rude. At's fucking rude at some point.

At some point, look, it's just not polite. If my body meant to not have hair someplace, it would have not had hair someplace. You are clearly not in the dating scene, my friend. I just go with the 70s. When I wear like a banana warmer, like the tubes pour out the side of it. It's good on me. Yeah. I just feel like everybody deserves a clean work surface.

There's no awareness that any of the stuff is presently under construction. And so all these things that we're talking about, I, you know, it may sound overwhelming to people, but we, our own military is building an army of human flesh eating robots, which will be connected to a global brain. This guy thinks Skynet's real.

I know, right? If you do not conform to the requirements of this new society. What new society? Which one? The one that Trump's running? The Trump society. Is that the one we're talking about? Yep.

The one where the Russians are running everything? They're going to send a robot to your house to eat you for lunch that is definitely not going to happen it just seems like it seems like such a lot of work it's like you know what we could do we could kill an entire city with like a small nuke ah just send robots door to door door to door robots knock yeah who's there beats outats out, Zootzot, Bot, Bootzot. Yeah, I don't understand what you're saying.

Beats out, Zootzot, Bot, Bot, Boot, Bot. Now, that may sound extremely radical, but that's where they're taking it.

They will reduce the human population. You will conform. What concentrated effort to reduce the human population involves spending an incredible amount of time and energy and resources to build robots to eat people.

Why don't we just give up birth control? God, it seems like so much work. Why don't you just have a mandatory abortion? Condoms. Can't we just give away free condoms? Nobody gets fucking herpes. What about every third person gets shot?

But even still, like, just let us fuck each other without creating more people. Just let us do that. The South, just give the South one condom.

They can all share it at this point. They can all just share. I am not using it after Bubba. There's no way. I don't know where he been. Fucking rinse it out. So we're going to thank

all of our patrons. We want to thank specifically our newest patrons, Michael. I don't know this person. Now this makes me believe in ghosts. Eli Bosnick's driving instructor. I think that's one of those like the phone call

was from the grave sort of thing. To quote our current president, you're fired. Yeah. Dawn, Robbie, Instagram at beersnackalmanac, Graham, Dan OG, Mary,

Ovind, Johan, Hamster Toy Box, Thomas, and Reichbart. Thank you so much for your generous donations. We really do appreciate it. You're the reason Glory Hole Studios continues to exist, and we could not do it without your support. Thank you so much. Got a message here from Teresa,

and Teresa says that Philly looks like they lost the best cheesesteak competition to Pittsburgh. That was a disgusting looking sandwich. Oh my God. It just looks like somebody poured Velveeta over the thing. That's what they use. Oh, it's disgusting. They use Cheez Whiz. I haven't been to Philly. I've been to Pittsburgh once. It's a nice little town.

Yeah. I drove through. Yeah, actually, to be honest, I was only there for like fucking four hours, so I don't know anything about it but the areas that I visited were really nice I actually liked that city I would go I would visit Pittsburgh again I've never been to Philly Philly is a garbage city you said oh it's just fucking horrible is it yeah the parts we were in

we could not wait to get out of all the parts that we were in every part of Philadelphia that we were in is it like the fucking birthplace of the nation or something don't they have a Liberty Bell there or something? Yeah, I mean, it fucking stinks like an old vagina. It fucking makes sense. We got an image of the Red Hulk that Amrit sent in, and this is awesome.

It looks great. So we're going to post a picture of the Red Hulk, and it's Alex Jones, and it fucking looks amazing. A bunch of people sent in a message to us about Alex Jones and his pizza gate apology. He recently came back. Apology is a strong word. He pulled back all that stuff that he said, though. I mean, he really did. Yeah, he reads a statement that is the hedgiest statement.

It's the most like lots of other people did it, too. I wasn't at fault. I was just commenting. But he clearly has pulled all that shit off his website. Yeah. Yeah. So he's, he's pulled back on the pizza gate thing in a,

in a huge way. And I think a lot of people are, because I think that guy's going to be suing people for libel. Oh, if I was that guy, I'd be fucking destroying everybody. We got a video. I'm not going to play the music for you,

but this video is so funny. This is, somebody made a remix of Alex Jones saying something about being in bed with a goblin. This is from Emmeline, and it's hilarious. So take a look at it. It's on this week's show notes, 351. It's Alex Jones.

I think it's called In Bed With A Goblin. A bunch of people sent us this message about GOP and D and dnd this is one of those things that that dnd people would love and i just want to read one of these this is a twitter hashtag dm the dragon rests on a hoard of gold gop we gather the town's wealth and add it add it in the dragon will surely create jobs now it's all great stuff if you're a gaming nerd, you're going to love this stuff. It's all really funny. So check it out.

I'll put a link on this week's show notes to the Distractify article that we got. But the GOP and D&D hashtag that's been going on Twitter has been absolutely hilarious. We got an image from Arona. It's the world's worst glory hole. Check it out on this week's show notes. That is the world's worst glory hole. Check it out on this week's show notes. That is the world's worst glory hole. We got another image. This one's from Lasse.

I don't know, man. Lasse. Lasse. I don't know how to pronounce it. I'm sorry. Your last name has an O with a fucking slash through it. I don't know what that is. But they sent in a message with an image of Trump in the Dr. Strangelove poster. It's really great to check it out.

This week's show notes, 351. Tom, Sharon sent in a message about raising kids around religious relatives. Yeah, it's a longer message. I can't read the whole thing. But her point, I think, is you don't need to isolate kids from nutty ideas or their nutty relatives. You can go to Catholic Mass with their loving but nutty grandparents. Let them go. Just ask them about it afterwards and make it clear that you don't believe the way that they do and explain why in ways that they can understand.

She goes on. She makes some excellent points. I think there is a mistaken idea that we have to shield our kids from bad ideas or they will just somehow become susceptible to them. Let's be real. The world's full of bad ideas. They're going to arrive at these at some point. I do think that there's a certain age where children are more susceptible to bad ideas and an age where you can have real conversations. And I think that once you get to the age with your kids, where you can start to have real conversations about how we know whether things are true, the differences between real and imaginary things, once your kids reach that age, I think letting them go to church, exposing those ideas, and then having

conversations after, I think all of that makes a lot of sense. I do think that when kids are young and the difference between fact and fiction is more nebulous for them, I think reducing their intake of garbage is probably a good idea. Kevin sent in a message about flat earthers having a conference, and one of the things that he observed is that the flat earthers are probably going to use GPS to get there. This is a great email. Thanks, Kevin. I didn't realize they had conferences. It's crazy,

isn't it? He said he wanted to go, but he was worried. He was like, I don't want to give him money. I don't blame him. I struggle with the same thing. Sometimes I want to go to these fucking nut hut places, but it's like, I don't want to support you. If I went, I would want to wear a hat

that looks like a flat earth. Partially like a circle and then like... Yeah, and have like the ring of Antarctica around it or whatever. I would wear that everywhere. Got fucking Shackleton in there. We got another message. I'm going to play this. I'm not going to play this song. You can go check it out. This is on YouTube.

We're going to embed the video, I think, if we can. If not, we're just going to link to the article. This is my favorite Trump song. We laughed until we cried. It is so funny. If you're a person who never, listen to me right now, if you never go to our show notes, please go to the show notes and listen to this song. I fucking

guffawed through it. It's called Emo Trump, and it's basically somebody who's singing an emo song. I loved it. And Trump's just, it's just somebody who's singing an emo song. I loved it. And Trump's just, it's just using Trump's lyrics too, like lyrics that he said, things that he said as lyrics. It's very funny. It's so perfect. Check it out.

Got a message from Lisa, and Lisa says, my son's gay, and I've been feeding him my famous lumberjack cake for years. But he only seems to be getting gayer. Can you maybe suggest a different kind of cake? Yeah, a pussy cake. Give him a pussy cake. And you got to actually tie his hands behind his back so he has to dive in. I hear that he's a lumberjack.

It's like a pie-eating contest. Sex and pie always go hand in hand. It's not a hair pie in 2017, I guess. It's a hairless pie. It's at very least a trimmed hair pie. It's not a hair pie in 2017, I guess. It's a hairless pie. It's at very least a trimmed hair pie. It's fucking polite. I'm just saying that he's a lumberjack and he's okay.

We're going to play. We got a message from Adam. He sent in this week's reading. We're going to read Ray Comfort next week, so stay tuned for that next week. We didn't get to Ray Comfort next week. So be tuned. Stay tuned for that next week. We didn't get to Ray Comfort this week, but in Dianetics, but we will next week. This is also great.

This is another video that someone sent in about Trump. And it's someone just basically redubbing his speeches with his actual words. And it's so funny. Make him sassy. Make him so sassy.

It's hilarious. Oh, my God. Vin sent this in. Thanks, Vin. We're going to post it on this week's show notes. This is episode 351. This is God. Vin sent this in. Thanks, Vin. We're going to post it on this week's show notes. This is episode 351. This is great.

This limericks. There's a Twitter for limericks. And this one just came out, Tom, if you want to read it. Mike Pence, an adult who has grown, cannot sit with women alone. However, he can stand by an old man whose fondness for groping is known. I love it. That's fucking great. That is so good. That is known. I love it. That's fucking great.

That is so good. That is so good. Thank you. So this upcoming weekend, Tom and I are recording a patron-only show. We're going to try to record a Rick Wilde show, which should be fun.

What if he doesn't do or say anything crazy that we can find? We might have to go into the past as in last week. So that should be fun. We're going to record that this week. So patrons should expect another show

coming out this week for them, exclusive to patrons. We are also, at this point, planning an Easter stream. We are. Yeah. So we're going to have a little... Oh, we're going to have a little... Like a little hanging out.

So if you're at your relatives and just having the awful time remembering that jesus died for your sins eating some fucking overcooked dried up ham oh and a fucking shitty lamb cake oh it's the worst fucking it's the worst easter dinner let's let's bitch about easter dinner for a minute can i just bitch about fucking easter dinner because i fucking love a feast right first of all every time i eat it's a feast but fucking easter is the fucking most disappointing feast day of all feast days i've never had an easter dinner where i've walked away thanksgiving rock solid yeah christmas dinner fucking give me eighths

easter dinner i'll go home i fucking i used to eat on the way to dinner my mother-in-law made us such a shit fucking easter. I'd stop at McDonald's and get food. She was such a bad cook. She was the worst cook in the entire country. The entire country. She's the exact thing that they make fun of in all of those fucking tropes about mother-in-laws.

She has every trope of every negative mother-in-law trope your ex-mother-in-law has. Everyone. And she was the worst cook. The worst cook. It was almost impossibly bad. Yeah.

There were foods that she would buy from a store and then she would fuck with them until they became inedible. It was an astonishing. She would like reheat something in a way that was like, okay, you just, you've now, you've now taken all the protein and turned it into a liquid. I don't know how you did that. I don't know how you did it, but you did it. Now it's a shake. Yeah.

It's just, it's the worst. Just the worst. I think that, uh, that one of the problems is, is that people know how to cook turkeys better than they know how to cook hams. I think that might be one of the major problems. Which is amazing because most people just buy a pre-cooked i know just to warm it up i have to worry i know just people think you don't people think you have to cook it for hours and hours and hours i know i know i know i know and the other thing too is like like i think i think

americans don't do sides well with ham i think the sides for turkey are sort of well established and that's true but i think the sides for ham are like, what do you do with the ham? Make a bad potato salad. Here's a gallon of mayonnaise. And then they just buy like store-bought mayonnaise and they gloop it out. And then they throw like four potatoes in it and a strip of bacon. And they're like, here you go. They'll use the wrong potato.

And it's like, hey, I overcooked some fucking yellow potatoes. So they're fucking flowery and they fall apart. It's so mealy and gross. You turn it into a gel. Why are they so angry? Here's my potato gel that you can eat. No, but seriously, like every, and then like, and just like all the different foods that I think that people associate with ham are not as,

they're just, I mean, they're just not. It's all disappointment banquet. It's all disappointment food. It's like you walk, it's like a buffet of despair. So while you're despairing at your in-laws and not doing anything, you can always click on our live stream and hang out with us. We'll be going live 3 p.m. on Sunday, the 16th. You check us out. Come hang out, chat with us. We're going to be live. We'll probably be live for about an hour and a half. I don't know what we're doing yet, but we're going to have a fun time with it. So check us out on the live stream

on the 16th at 3 p.m. Central Time. All right, well, that's going to wrap it up for this week. We're going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and and Trouble, Pseudo-Quasi-Alternative, Acupunctuating, Pressurized, Stereogram, Pyramidal, Free Energy, Healing, Water, Downward Spiral, Brain Dead, Pan, Sales Pitch, Late Night Info-Docutainment. foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, bigfoot, yeti, aliens, churches, mosques and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy,

double speak stigmata nonsense. Expose your signs. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and information provided on this podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. All opinions are solely that of Glory Hole Studios, LLC. Cognitive dissonance makes no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information and will not be liable for any errors, damages, or butthurt arising from consumption. All information is provided on an as-is basis.

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