Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 352: Can You Nair Down There?

Episode Date: April 10, 2017

Stories covered in episode: , Extra Content: Livestream:

Just wanted to jump in before we got started to let people know that we will be recording a live stream on Easter, Easter Sunday, 3 p.m. Central Time, Chicago time. Check this week's show notes. This is episode 352 for a link to our live stream. We'll also be on Facebook Live as well. This show is brought to you by AdamandE.com. If you go to adamandeve.com right now and enter glory, the code word glory, G-L-O-R-Y at checkout, you'll get 50% off almost any item, a free sex swing and free shipping. This is Emma from Colorado, long time listener, listening to you while I was in the Peace Corps in Africa. Actually, it kept me a little sane and it kept me a little sane.

And it kept me up on all the craziness that was happening here. Which is nothing compared to the craziness that has happened since. So listening to your guys' podcast, it sounds like all of these people love Trump because he is this crazy Bronze Age king that they all love so much in their Bible. I'm not sure most of these people are New Testaments. So it makes total sense to me that they love a racist who wants to build walls and destroy basically everything that we know. It all makes sense now. He's their king.

How terrifying is that? Keep up the good work, guys. Yes, hello. This is your listener, Roman, from Brazil. Just a quick follow-up to the beautiful story of the goalkeeper Bruno. And since you mentioned it as a joke, I think he actually is seeking to get back his son, that is to get the legal guard of his son. And at least from the news here there's a pretty good

chance that he will at least get regular visitations right. Well just a quick follow-up to this story and well Brazil is a real fucked up country. Glory hole! Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from glory old studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political. And there is no welcome at this is episode three hundred and fifty two of cognitive dissonance. And Cecil is a very important moment. Actually, you and I this evening just had what may be our last meal.

And it was Chicago Chicago pizza. I just want to point this out. Right. So tonight, as we sit here recording just moments ago, we just watched the press conference where Trump fumble fucked his way through saying that he launched some missiles

at Syria. Sure. Dead babies. He feels real bad about the dead babies. The beautiful dead babies. I feel, to be fair, like I'm making light of this in order to make a pizza joke. Jesus. And I was honestly really upset and unsettled by the fucking

video that came out. By the dead babies video? Yeah. Because I think if you're not, then something deep inside of you is broken forever. If you watch it, you're like, no, I don't care. If you're like, if you're like dipping Fritos in the dip while you're watching it. Yeah. Something a little fucked up with you.

I think. Hey, he's shaking. Yeah. He'll be fine. Hey, he's not even dying quick. Yeah. Yeah. So we're very unlikely to have any future episodes or a future, for example.

This is how World War III starts, you know, with fucking Donald Trump. That's it. You know, the thing is, we talked a few moments ago how this is a watershed moment. It's a pretty important moment. He launched missiles at,

50 missiles at an airport, a runway that specifically Assad was using to launch these gas attacks, this gas attack that killed people last week. We were talking earlier about how many people have died in this conflict. It's up to a quarter million. A quarter million is what I saw. According to some reports, we saw one earlier, it's 207,000. So give or take 43,000, I guess, is what I saw. According to some reports that someone earlier is 207,000. So give or take 43,000,

I guess is plus or minus when your margin of error, plus or minus casualties is in the tens of thousands. It's just a lot. I don't, I generally don't, I genuinely don't care who's in there doing this, but I've got to say like, like we were talking about it earlier and I was like,

this guy, this Assad, he just has proven time and time again, he's not good at this. He's just not, you're not good at this. If this is Let me define this because

this could be gassing your own citizens. In which case, so far, far he excels gold star oh yeah absolutely he's getting on extra credit right yeah he's done it twice he's done it twice sure so he even might get out of control group but when this and this is what i'm talking about this is running a country he's exceptionally bad at it he is is not good at that. Well, again, if running a country means caring for your citizenry

and attempting to not have them be dead. Yeah, like you have to make sure that the ones that go into the machine come out of the machine in the same way they went into the machine. Exactly. And that's not how that's working at this point. Now they're coming out sausage lengths.

And that's not a thing. But, you know, he's a disaster. And for, you know, many years, there's been this conflict over there. And it's not just a one-sided conflict. It's, you know, ISIS on the other side. Who's to cheer for in this conflict at this point? There's nobody to cheer for.

Yeah. So, you know, I would love to see people stop dying. And so, you know, I don't know how I feel about this either, but I certainly don't feel I don't feel like President Trump's actions were unwarranted. No. And, you know, we talked about this, like the, you know, if you watch that video and your conscience is not shocked, then you have no conscience left to shock. If this does not shock our conscience, then why bother having one? It's a horror. It is an actual horror to watch.

And I'm not sure what we need to do. Me either. I'm not sure what we need to do. I want me either. I'm not sure what we need to do. So I want to be clear on my ambiguity, right? I don't know what we should do. I'm concerned, though, that the guy who is in charge. And going to do it. Is also not sure what to do.

I also feel like. I don't feel like he's a smart guy. Yeah, I also feel like Trump is, unlike other presidents we've had, Trump is one of these guys that I don't know that he can handle all the ramifications. And it's not just war ramifications. I don't think he thinks chess three pieces ahead. It's not just war ramifications. It's, you know, ally ramifications. It's political ramifications afterwards.

It's destabilizing the region ramifications. There's all these different things. I don't know that Trump's the guy that's going to be able to handle it. I hope he's got the best guys. My hope is he doesn't seem to have the best guys either. I know. I'm not confident he does, but I hope

that we don't wind up in a situation that's worse than where we're at right now. That's my hope. I'm not a Trump guy, but at this point, I've kind of got to be like, well, right? Sure, right. I'm not a Trump guy, but at this point I've kind of got to be like, well, you're the one driving. I hope you get us through this.

You know, it's like we're talking about fucking Sam Harris going to land the fucking plane, right? It's like, right now, we need somebody to land this plane and nobody's qualified. The guy in the pilot seat is the guy we got to trust. That's a scary thought. There's nothing you can do

about it. I know. You got to land the plane. Yeah. That's why I'm so worried right now. Who knows what Russia's going to do? I don't know what Russia's going to do. I don't think they're going to send a greeting card. Well, they're certainly not going to be like, you know, Russia's not a fucking sternly worded letter

kind of place. Right. And so, right? So, I don't I mean, you know, did we kill a bunch of people? Probably not. You know, yeah. You're pushing against Assad and Assad now is weaker and then the other group gets stronger because of it, etc.

There's a lot of things in play here. So, but what's Russia going to do? Yeah. It's the, the, the thing is that it's an incredibly complex issue and Trump does not appear to be a man who deals with complexity. Well, no. Right. And I'm trying to be as, as kind as possible. He cuts the Gordian knot, right? Like he's not trying to unravel the fucking thing. He's just like, give me a sword, fucking slice that fucking thing, right? I don't care. That's his, every solution, the guy

walks around with a hammer, right? Every fucking problem's a nail. Yeah. He scares the shit out of me, man. The fact that he has missiles at his disposal, it's just not a good. Yeah, no, we're in a bad situation. And, you know, the thing is, is like, like, I think

the one thing that's going to save us with Russia is that they installed Trump. So, so, so at this point, you know, like, you know, and I don't believe this. Let me preface it, guys with, I don't believe this is the case. But were I a

conspiracy theorist, and I am not, and I do not believe that this is the case don't send me your fucking emails yeah but maybe this is russia's way of dealing with asad without having to deal with asad sure right like russia decides oh my god this guy's a fucking liability sure all right who can we what can we put trump in place yeah and then we'll just convince him to fight asad for us and then we can oh Oh no, oppose it, but not actually oppose it. And saber rattle, grr,

rah, rah. And then, you know, you go do your thing. Right. That feels like a lot of work. I know,

man. I, so I say, I don't believe that, but you could write it, right. That's a story you could write. Yeah.

But all, but all, yeah, it seems like, it seems like all they would have to do is just be a little weaker and just let people know on this, on the DL. Be like, hey, we're not going to push back if you guys give a little shove. Yeah, right. You can easily just let people on the DL, you know, be like, you know, it's not like they don't have ties with other governments.

I mean, you're right. That's why I said, I don't actually believe that that's the case. It's crazy. But I bet somebody floats it. I bet somebody floats it. I bet somebody floats it with Sirius. We saw earlier that people think that the gas attack didn't even happen, that it's a false flag attack.

You're just getting gaslighted? What? We gaslighted the whole country. I wonder what they're going to say about this, though, because we launched 56 or 59 missiles against a runway are they going to be like oh that's a false flag attack too or it's a false or flag

yeah it's a more falsish flag yeah it's a yeah to double false flag did you know that two false flags you know why it is you know why it is a false flag attack is because when you shoot missiles at a runway you have to land them with semaphore so you have to do those two flags you are not clear for landing you have to land them with semaphore. So you have to do those two flags. There's a guy saying there,

you are not clear for landing. Let's talk about what we talk about, buddy. This is from Dead State. Christian activist. God will curse the children and grandchildren of those who opposed Trump. Man. Wow, that's a lot. All right, so here we go. This is Mary Colbert

or Colbert, I'm not sure, on the Jim Baker show. Oh, no, really? It's not that Donald Trump is all that perfect of a guy. We all know he's not. I love that even his supporters are like, look, nobody likes him. You know what Trump is?

Trump is your fucking super drunk friend that everybody's always going around. Jim's fucked. I'm real sorry. I didn't mean to invite him. He's Jim. He saw my Facebook page and he knew you guys were coming over because you posted you were excited about coming over and he's like, hey, what's going on?

He always does this. Winky face. LOL. You got plans for tonight? Oh, yeah. I'll bring vodka. Always bring too much of it. Right. Hey, guys. Anybody else want to do shots

ever clear and die? Yeah. All right. Great. It's fucking Jim. It's Jim. That's great. And we know that it's he's not necessarily intelligent. He's not good. he's not necessarily intelligent. He's not good. He's not smart.

He's not worthwhile. Here are the things he is not. Can I just have a list of positive adjectives? Perfect in every way that we would like. That's not how God works. He works through the ones he chooses. We actually choose our present. Look works through the ones he chooses. Right. We actually choose our president.

Look, this is what we have. I'm not making another president. You are either going to take this president and go to bed and let mommy sit with her box of wine. But I'm not making another president. That's it. This is the only president you get tonight

or you go to bed hungry. That's it. That's what you get. Okay. I love the idea that she's like, look, this is just what we got. Nobody likes it. I don't like it in the ass.

It's not my thing, but it's your birthday. The good thing is that tomorrow I'm going to go to the bathroom real fast. We don't know. The good thing is that tomorrow I'm going to go to the bathroom real fast. We don't choose them. All we have to do is recognize them. And when you recognize a chosen one. Yeah, I can tell you the chosen one is.

He's the one that Russia chose. He's the one that got fewer votes. The lesser chosen. The chosen one that was chosen less times. Chosen less times. Definitively less times. And you have the discernment to know that they've been chosen

and know that that's the will of God, then your life will be blessed. And if you come against the chosen one of God, okay, you are bringing upon you and your children and your children's children curses like you have never seen. Curses! Foiled again! Like, curses. Are you serious?

Curses, Cecil. I got curses. I do have. Don't make me curse you or your little ones or your little ins little ins because I will curse all the little ins. It's ridiculous. You know, like if you get fucked over for every decision that people make and it lasts

fucking three generations like at some point we're just all boned. You know what I mean? Like I'm pretty fucking certain my grandpa fucked something up at some point. At some point, your grandpa didn't pay attention to who the president was because he was chosen by God. Plus, not only does it fuck you two generations out. Right.

But I have two grandfathers and two grandmothers. Right. No kidding. So I have four opportunities to get fucked two generations out by your shitty grandparents. Right. Who only sent you $5 in the fucking mail. Fuck you, Grandma. Fuck, Grandma. Jesus.

I'm glad you're dead. Here's a fucking shitty tin of cookies. Great. Thanks, Grandma. Can't give me a fucking Game Boy? What the fuck's wrong with you? You know, I'm going to put your ashes in the cat box. Ooh, a clump. That's right. I'm going to put your ashes in the cat box.

Ooh, a clump. That's right. It puts a holy fear in me. Yeah. You know, and- They're picking the flaws out of this man that God has chosen. Right. Yeah, he's fucking obscenely flawed. It's fucking like he couldn't find a less flawed guy.

It's like if it was like, oh man, you're nitpicking all the flaws in my diamond. You take a look at it, and it's just a lump of fucking coal. Yeah. It's like it doesn't have much sparkle to it. It's a fucking black lump of shit. It's a fucking briquette. Dude, it's a poo. It's just a poo.

It's just a. It's a Kingsford fucking briquette. And it's not even like a match light light like you have to like put it in the chimney and light it on fire it's the worst do you think they would be talking like this if they if we had chosen Hillary Clinton do you think do you think

oh we can't pick out her flaws they'd be like she's the chosen one guys be nice you guys don't understand that she was actually she was chosen more. So it's interesting because it's like, look, I'm going to tell you who the chosen one is. Because when I say that, I suddenly have I'm I'm like proving my own validity. And that is right.

Because there's no way to fucking prove it. Right. If he gets us all killed tomorrow, maybe you could be like, oh, my God, chose the wrong one. Right. You're going to do a very good job there, God. You know, but the fact of the matter is, is that doing that is going to be real hard. It's going

to be, that's a real hard road to get us all killed, right? You got to do a lot of things in succession wrong. Not that he's incapable of that, but I think if anyone can do it. I know, right? Yeah. Fucking college try. This guy can do it. But you know, the fact is, is that's a hard thing to do.

Right? Right. So what's going to happen is like what happens with most presidents. There's, you know, their approval rating goes up and down because they say they're going to do stuff that they don't. Congress decides yes or no to do certain things. And for the most part, government continues on and things are relatively stable. And these people can pick the one that matches their values and say, this is the one that

God chose, guys. It's no big deal. Look at the, this is one of the ones you guys have to get behind this guy because we want to make sure that we stay in power because, you know, he's going to pull away these amendments that stop us from talking about politics. Right. Yeah. There's all these extra bonuses they get with Trump that they wouldn't have got out of other places. So, of course, they want him to do it. But part of me wonders, like, couldn't you just say, like, in this instance, couldn't you just be like, you know what? Talk to God. And he said he's staying out of this one.

He's not really. He didn't pick his Trump. He didn't pick Hillary. He's like, you know what? You guys figured a shit on your own. Maybe I'll pick an anointed one later, but I'm not going to back either of these whores because God isn't, there's no God. So he's not backing. You're the one backing the whores, right?

You're the one putting and saying, this is my guy. Cause we're hearing a lot of priests that are saying, Trump's our guy. Trump's the one that's chosen by God, yada, yada, yada. But I'm not hearing a lot of priests that are saying trump's our guy trump's the one that's chosen by god yada yada yada but i'm not hearing a lot of people like yeah god is silent not interested you know except for pastor manning who calls him like tribulation trump right but you know like if he's the anointed one it's some fucking weak sauce fucking oil because he fucking barely squeaked a victory. Sure. Right? Like, he squeaked like the, it's like the least conclusive victory.

Yeah. Like, this is how you anoint somebody. Like, well, I'll make you win, but just barely. I'll make it always weird and questionable. Yeah. And, like, there are, and the other thing that makes me crazy, Cecil, is, like, there are good people. Like, there are good people in the world, like, smart, even on the Republican side.

Like, I'm not a Republican. That's pretty clear. Right? But, like like there are people that are smart he's not one of them no there are people that are like morally sound i will say though i will say though of those 16 there wasn't a one on that thing except for maybe that casick casich casick whatever guy that i was like eh maybe they were a fucking horror show. Everybody else. It was a disaster. Rubio is a fucking flip flop and douche bag. Ted Cruz has cockroaches driving him. Like the rest of them.

You're just like, like, you're like, cool. Fucking Ben Carson. Ben Carson thinks the fucking Ben Carson thinks fucking the pyramids are a giant salt and pepper shaker. Like,

like you're just like, wow, what's like all you people, how did you get here? And he's like, he's like the cream of the crop from, Oh my God. That's what makes me crazy though,

is that support for, for a group of people that were evidently all handpicked by God, they were all picked by God, right? Because they have fucking Ted Cruz was picked by God. They were all picked by God. The whole fucking lot of them was picked by, well,

I just don't know which one. Yeah. I just picked 16 of y'all. Eeny Well, I just don't know which one. Yeah, I just picked 16 of y'all. Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. Catch an N-word biased. A long black cock, long black cock. A long

black cock. A long black cock. Long black coat. So this story is fucked up. This comes from New Straight Times. Rape victims can have a good life if they marry their rapists, says some asshole in Malaysia. So this is a supremely fucked up story.

This is some MP in Malaysia whose name I I'm going to try it here. I'm going to try to do it. Zoom in a little bit. Come on. Help me out. I'm fucking 34 years old. Help me out. 34 I've stopped. I stopped. I went back in time and stopped. I went back in time and stopped. You can do that.

That's the thing you can do. Look at me. I'm 29. Hey, you look great, buddy. You look great. Am I going to call you out on it? Not anymore. No. All right. So according to Tasek Gelugor,

Oh, I love that last name. I like the first. Oh, no, wait a minute. No. Hold on. Tasek Gelugor, member of parliament. Dot hook.

Shabuduin. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. He told the D one Rocky yachts today. I'm just going to read this. This happened in Kalu Lumpur. Rape victims can have an opportunity to lead a healthy and good life. If they marry their rapists, Tasik Gellig, Gore member of parliament to dot two, Shabu, die. Yawa told the dead one Rocky Yacht today.

It's awesome. It sounds great. According to this fucking asshole, girls aged between 9 and 12, and I like the way this is written, girls, Cecil, aged between 9 and 12 are physically and spiritually ready for marriage. At 13, no? Oh, yeah, no. They're old maids at that point.

You're not even married yet. What are you a seventh grader? Oh, nevermind. You don't go to school. You're a girl. Um, they reached puberty at the age of nine or 12, not 10 or 11. It's just so weird. They just picked me. Well, at that age, I think at that age, they've done enough sort of stuffed animal tea parties. And they've cooked in their Easy-Bake Oven to be raped for the rest of their life. Oh! At nine. Nine. Yeah. He says a girl at nine, her body is the same as 18?

Eh. No. Also. Nine? Right. Nine. That's what he says. That's what he says. Her body nine. Right. Nine. That's what he says. So he says her body's the same.

I have I have never met a nine year old. And I've been like, I wonder if she's a do you vote? Young lady. Like, really? A nine year old votes. Oh, you do buy cigarettes. Like, are you fucking kidding me? Are you off to the military?

I know. Right. Nine. Yeah. You fucking high. Oh, you do buy cigarettes? Like, are you fucking kidding me? Are you off to the military? I know, right? Nine. Yeah. You fucking high. Also, like, I love the idea that like, I don't love the idea. Actually, I loathe the idea that we're just not taking their fucking mental and emotional and intellectual state into consideration at all.

It's just like, well, that body is fuckable. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I mean, like in that you can fuck it. Here's the thing. When the very first pubic hair sprouts, then you know that they can be taken. Jesus Christ. That's how it works.

Taken is the right word. Yeah, that's exactly it, right? That's the right fucking word. Because then he says, for a wife who was raped, if she can marry the rapist, she would not go through such a bleak future. Says somebody who wasn't raped at nine. a bleak future says somebody who wasn't raped at nine and he also says too he says rape victims can have an opportunity to lead a good life if they marry the rapist yeah fucking i have an opportunity to fucking go on a date with katie perry to mars like an opportunity what's the what's the percentage chance of that i'm thinking it's pretty fucking low. Yeah, I know. It's like, let's do a study. Let's find all

the women that married the rapist. At nine. Right, and then, or at any age. Actually, I'm willing to take age out of this equation. Yeah. Right? I'm willing to, I'll let that one go for now, right? And then we'll just come back. We'll revisit it and be like, so how's it going? Yeah. Everybody

happy here? No? No, your life is a living torment huh yeah oh yeah that's exactly what everybody would expect literally everybody i made a comment that same-sex couples that want to destroy traditional marriage and our way of life they're gremlins they're these creatures that are so destructive. You can hear the train in the background. I'm in King Street,

South Carolina. And I want to tell you, my people here in this area, I hope you can still hear me. Oh, Pat Robertson. This is from Right Wing Watch. This is great, because Pat Robertson is clearly Fucking channeling his fucking inner urges here

Yeah We have been dominated by homosexuals Here we go I love this because this is just A bad choice of words That's all this is But you know, you look at Pat Robertson And he's like as gentle as a newborn

You have to treat him like he's so brittle like i like i i know you've had kids so for you it's not a big deal but for me like when somebody's like oh you want to hold my baby that just popped out of my vagina like 30 minutes ago i'm like uh-uh i'm gonna break it i don't want my boy like i don't want it yeah but i didn't care if i broke it like the rest of them like you know i was like i was like he already has fucking like zero chance on the gene scale. So who cares?

Maybe a drop will do him good. No, but for the most part, you're such an asshole. Clearly we have a bond where we're friends. We've been friends for many years, so it's not a big deal,

but like, like in-laws even, they're like, oh, you want to go up and see the kid? And I'm like, no,

I don't. What's it going to do? Just be fragile. You want to hold my kid? No, I don I'm like, no, I don't. What's it going to do? Just be fragile? You want to hold my kid? No, I don't. Actually, until it's like a toddler size, I really don't even want to touch it. I don't even want to touch it. Like Circle and Jen are going to have a baby.

I'll hold their baby. Sure. Right. You know what I mean? Like, like, and like when my brother had a baby, I held Ashley. You know what I mean? Like when she had babies, I held their babies. But like, there's only a certain few.

It's a small circle. There's a small group of people that I'm like, I'll hold that baby. I babies, I held their babies. But like there's only a certain few. It's a small circle. There's a small group of people that I'm like, I'll hold that baby. I'm okay with holding that baby. The rest of them, I'm like, I ain't holding your baby. No, no, no, no, no. She's going to poo on you anyway. I'm just terrified. Like they're so fucking tiny and like bendable and fucking shakable.

I'm just like, I don't want to do it. Like I don't want to do it at all. You guys keep that baby over there. It's fine and it's a jolly jump up thing. Let it stay there. I don't need to do it at all. You guys keep that baby over there. It's fine and it's a jolly jump up thing. Let it stay there. I don't need to touch it. I will admit when my littlest one was born, he was four pounds and five ounces.

I held him and I was like, this is a half a gallon of milk. This is like holding nothing. I am not a gentle or subtle man. I was like, I break shit. I didn't hold your little baby for a while. He was stupid small. Until he was like 10 pounds. Then I was like, yeah, I'll hold him

now. But after a while, it's like fucking crazy small. But it took him like a while to get up to 10. It took him a while. So he was, I did not hold him for the first several months of his life. He was literally scary small. Yeah. He was terrifying to me. I had to fucking hold him.

I was like, I'm going to fucking break this. I'm going to break this thing. It's the only one of these I have. You're going to get in a lot of trouble. All right. Pat Robertson, clearly, like this is a guy, though, if somebody played fucking domination games with this guy, his fucking skin would rip. Yeah. Like fucking wet fucking toilet paper.

If you tied the ball gag on it, it would just fold right through his head and it would meet the back of his neck. It would just be like... He'd have a flip top hat like Crest. He's like the fucking guy from the end of fucking Robocop that they drive the car. He gets all mushed in the

toxic waste. You touch him and he disintegrates. There's no doubt there's been a leftward bias in the media. Good grief. Everyone, every editorial board, every reporting department tends so strongly toward a leftist bias in politics. With their facts and their reporting of information. A leftward bias? Does he keep saying leftward bias?

Does he say leftward? Yeah. It's just, you know, he's just a little to the side. He just cocks over a little to the side when he's up there, you know? It just goes a little left, that's all. He just lists the port, man. He just lists the port. That's how I hit Mary's G spot.

You position your hips a little right it's like bowling if you know you know go straight down the middle and of course the schools are just appalling what's happening i mean except for the religious ones right those ones are right up like all the media super left except for fox news but we're not going to talk about that and bright bar but we're not going to talk about that and the schools with their teachings of the facts and stuff well or the schools that are religious like all the religious schools are all the schools in the south right yeah right give me a break i went to yale law school dear me that place is going so far to the left it is unreal now they admit black people don't even let a woman matriculate. And who knows?

It used to be, you know, Timothy Dwight, people like that were great men of faith. Princeton and Yale and Harvard was set up as a... They were all an hour old when you went there. These were schools where... They were gentle like newborns. You're like, I really want to touch Harvard. It's got a soft spot on its head still.

Jesus Christ. I remember Harvard was like run on the back of someone's fucking covered wagon or whatever. And like two books. I remember Lewis and Clark fucking passed through. We all hung out.

I remember last week when the slaves built Yale. Hey, Joe, hand me that Gutenberg Bible the fuck you're so old the first edition one yeah that's the only edition let me give him a ring trading ground for ministers long long way back in the history

no longer because everyone's dead that remembers everyone that remembers that. Everyone that remembers what you're saying is not only dead, but their fucking grandchildren are dead. The only people that hear about this right now, you'll see it in photos with the

fucking Ken Burns effect. That's the only way. They're panning for movement across the photo. Are you fucking kidding me? This is a guy who's like, oh, back in my day. In your day? In your fucking day?

In your day, they were worried about saber-toothed tigers, motherfucker. So what are you going to do? Terry, I'm reading. Kevin Sorborg brought me some scripts. So I just finished reading some scripts. Got one I think will make

a pretty good movie. I'm going to talk to Kevin and see what he thinks. We got to make some more movies. I mean, he's done a great job, but we need more. What? Yeah, you know what you need more movies? Kevin Sorbo movies to fucking convince people of God.

That's going to work. Kevin Sorbo never made a good movie ever in all the history of time. Kevin Sorbo. That's who's going to convince people to come back. Yeah, I was really on the fence until I saw Kevin Sorbo be a philosophy professor. Oh, shit. His fucking tweed jacket

and his fucking elbow patches arguing with a kid in a fucking elevator. Threatening him. Threatening to fucking fight that kid just about. What a terrible movie. God. If you're ever interested, you can check us out on God Awful Movies.

I'm not sure what episode it was. There was one without Eli on it because he was away doing magic. So it was a really good one. But it was just us two and Noah and Heath, and we just reviewed God Is Not Dead. It's seriously the worst movie ever.

Our people out there who are entering the arena and making their voice heard. We just had a guest last week, the Unholy Trinity, that had a lot to say about culture and what's happening. We have to do it. People are interested. After all, when you get right down to it, Christians still are the overwhelming majority in this country. We have given the ground to a small minority.

You figure lesbians, 1% of the population, homosexuals, 2% of the population. Lesbians are homosexual. It's made a bigger and better diagram. Also, you're forgetting allies. And you're also forgetting dipshit Christian allies. Right. Right. You know, he wants to make this distinction to say Christians are the overwhelming majority

and these people are only 1% of the population. Well, you're forgetting that there are many, many, many, many Christians who are just like, I don't give a fuck what you do with your private parts. Plus there's gay Christians. And there's gay Christians. Right. But, I mean, that's a small percentage too,

but there's a lot of people, especially the younger generation, just don't give a fuck what you do. Right. And so this guy thinks just because it's a small percentage of the population, those are the only people who care about their rights. That's just fucking stupid. Yeah. Well, I love, I love too, the idea that he's both being persecuted and the majority.

It's flabbergasting to me how he can continue to paint himself as... He's able to walk that line. He is the underdog majority. That's all. That's statistically all. But they have dominated, dominated the

media. They've dominated the cultural shift. That's because people don't like it when an under underrepresented uh minority group is pushed around by the majority and their rights are taken away that's why it's not it has nothing to do with the only reason you and I care. That's the only reason I care. Right. And I'm not gay. I have, I, I, I have very few gay or trans friends. Right. You know, a lot of them I met through the podcast. To be fair, you have very few friends.

That's very true. I, yeah, you're right. But no, seriously, like, like I don't have a lot of those. I don't have a lot of gay or trans friends, but I recognize the need for me to be a vocal ally in this fight because somebody is losing their rights. And it's important to them. So great. You know, like I want I want them to be able to see people on the deathbed. I want them to have property rights with their partner.

I want them to have their marriage recognized all over the country. I want them to be able to go into establishments and not be discriminated against for something that they can't control. That's what I want. I want them to live a happy life. That's it. That's all. This fucking has nothing to do

with whether or not this minority is cramming it down your throat. Like, you're the one who keeps on putting shitty laws in place. Wait, but hold on. What about if the way they like to orgasm isn't the same way you like to orgasm? I mean, doesn't that upset you? No, no, I literally I don't understand.

I have never thought about I thought I thought more in this segment about Pat being dressed up as the gimp than I've thought about other people having sex. I kind of whining to my bleach, actually. And they have infiltrated the major universities. It's just unbelievable what's being done. That's because they're all gay ninjas. They infiltrated the university. Every professor's gay. Every staff member's gay.

They all have gay grappling hooks. The grappling hooks are just dicks in his throat. It's like three dicks all put together. They're sneaking in under the cover of fabulous darkness. The best dressed ninjas, like all their fucking shuriken are accessorized properly. They're all rainbow colored. And you're like, wait, I could totally see you. And they're like, you be quiet over there, mister.

Hush. Stop. Really? Gosh, stop. Really? Wakasashi and Katana and Wakasashi are just like that fucking ball buzzer thing that they put on there. What do they call it? The massager thing. And then a giant like 20 inch dildo on the other side.

They're all wearing GIP masks. I have to unzip it to talk. A tiny, tiny minority makes a huge difference. So the majority is time. It wakes up. What did he say there? Well, when the majority wakes up,

they're like, Jesus, did I just sleep with a gay guy? Whoa. Fuck. That was okay. I'm good. I'm not gay if I don't remember it, right? I guess I'm bi now.

I don't remember it. And the point that the psalmist is making is when a nation sacrifices innocent children in abortion or infanticide, that is a sacrifice to demons. It's like food for demons, using that expression metaphorically. What I mean by that is that act of the shedding of innocent blood, the most innocent among us, it empowers satanic forces. This is from SanFranciscoGate.com. Lawmaker, miscarrying women must carry dead fetuses to term. And here's the part of this story that I want to talk about, Cecil, is that I want to read exactly what this person says.

Because then, when she's pressed on it, she says, oops, I misspoke. So let me read exactly what she said, because I think it's impossible to say, oh, I fucking misspoke. Noting that he has a daughter who

is 20 weeks pregnant, Forbes asked that under the bill, would his daughter have to carry her child to term even if a doctor told her there was no longer a heartbeat? Is that good medicine, Forbes wondered. Lundgren's response, quote, this bill wasn't written for the intent to protect or govern on the side of the woman. It was written to save babies' lives,

giving the choice and being the voice of those babies. They don't have one. I understand what you are saying. This fetus, this baby is not alive. I would concur that in this instance, if your daughter's life is not in danger, then yes, she would have to carry that baby.

I know. I know this doctor is saying to her, I know it hurts mentally now, but just think of how bad it will hurt when you have to push that baby out of your vagina. If it comes out. Sure. Yeah. That's the other thing.

It's like, it's dead. Yeah. It's never going to make it to term. Yeah. It's term limit has been reached. Sure. Right. Yeah.

It's term limit in this case is right fucking now. Yeah. I'm not going to, I'm not going to continue to grow after I die. Right. And well, you might, you might after that pizza we ate today, I'm going to continue to grow for at least another 48 hours,

no matter what. Like there's nothing that says her body's going to get rid of this baby. What will happen is it will, it will rot. Right. Like, well, what if you just carried it inside?

It's fucking sealed though, Tom. What if you carried this rotting corpse inside your body for five months? It's more like you sous-vided it for 12 months. It sure will denature. That's for sure. You know what? This is a fucking terrible fucking image though.

What they did was they took this crib and they filled it with 2 000 pairs of shoes um to signify just half of the abortions done in iowa so they're saying that there's 2 000 abortions done in iowa each year and they filled this crib full of shoes as sort of like this way to like you know look at look at all these babies and and and what i heard from the babies. And what I heard from the thing, what I read from the thing is 97% of those are happened within the first 13 weeks. So 1,880 of those abortions happened within the first 13 weeks. The baby's three inches long and weighs one ounce at that point. It's a very small shoe.

It is. It's a very, very small shoe. And that's what I was thinking. I was like, you know, you can't get the double wides on very, very small shoe. And that's what I was thinking. I was like, you know, you know, you can't get the double wides on that one. No,

right. You know what I mean? It's, it doesn't take a lot of bronze either. It's a very, very tiny amount. So it's inexpensive really. I mean,

the thing is like, yeah, those are the shoes that have to be made by the little, like by, by the, the child, the children in fucking Thailand or whatever, or stitching or, or let that ones that come, come to life. Cause you've fed them bread on your, be made by the little, like by the children in fucking Thailand or whatever? Or elves. Because the stitching.

Or the ones that come to life because you fed them bread on your... Do you need baby shoes for a baby who has not yet developed feet that's just Thomas at this point? Like just a Thomas baby? Yeah, it's weird too because when they kick in the stomach and they, you know,

it's just like a stump at that point. You see the parrot beak once in a while too. I, you know, it's just like a stump at that point. You see the parrot beak once in a while, too. You know, it's just a shitty stunt. That's just a shitty stunt. You're saying, oh, look at all these babies. Look at all these babies. It's bullshit. You know what I mean? It's like making a fucking headstone

for each one, too. It's ridiculous. It's whatever gets this big sad. Stupid gimmick. This is a big sad gimmick. Almost 1 almost 1900 of these babies are are the first 13 weeks they're clumps of cells yeah there's nothing there the tiny clumps of cells at that point at 13 weeks it's three inches long how how big is it at six weeks at four weeks when they find in they're like they find out they're pregnant and then they get an abortion. How big is that? How big is that fetus then?

And then this, this bullshit where it's like, Oh yeah, you're supposed to carry this fucking dead fetus to fucking term at 20 weeks. It dies. And you're like, Oh,

well, sorry, nothing else you could do. There's no way we can do anything about it until that baby comes. What kind of fucking draconian society do we live in where you can't get a medical procedure for 20 weeks because of the memory of a fucking fetus well we talked about we covered a story some time ago where a woman in ireland died she died she became septic and fucking died because they would not perform they wouldn't they wouldn't remove the corpse this is a corpse right it's a fucking

corpse it's a fucking tumor at this point. Get rid of the fucking thing. It's like, okay, well, yeah, your baby died right at birth. We're going to cremate it and stick it back up there. So, Tom. Yeah, Cecil. I'm always curious how you're going to intro this portion of the program. It's spring time. It is. It's a time

that you would take someone and put them on a swing outside. Oh, I see. You know what I know sometimes spring spring sprung spring has sprung right swing has sprung swing has come a swing who knows i don't know and it can wash out a little if you use cold water and probably some cleaner from adamandeve.com. Glory at checkout. We love our sponsor, Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve allows you to explore your sexuality, to do it in a private way, to get it delivered to your door, to have fun with your sex life.

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The sex swing is free. So you get 50% off any item and you'll get free shipping. So check it out. Gloria checkout. That's G L O R Y at adamandeve.com. This is super weird because it's Mike Pence from the Washington post. Uh, the religious reasons Mike Pence won't eat alone with women don't add up. In other news, Mike Pence doesn't eat alone with women other than his wife.

Yeah. And it's funny because I saw a tweet which I thought I just laughed out loud at. Mike Walsh, that Jagoff blogger, posted something like, when is it appropriate for you to have dinner with a woman who's not your wife or something? He said something like that. And this woman tweeted back at him like, yeah, I guess if you think of all women as inanimate fuckholes, yeah, I guess you're right. That would be inappropriate. Like somehow just spontaneously, you're going to wind up on top of them, then yes. But if they happen to be human beings, then that's a fucking crazy thing to say. It's super weird, man.

Like, I've had dinner with your wife. Exactly. Right? I've had dinner. I've had dinner. I just have dinner with people. That's a thing. Like, I just have dinner with people.

I'm just like, I don't know. What is it about dinner that's like magic? Like, are we just eating nothing but Viagra for dinner? Like, what do you have for like, I don't know if I can, what is it about dinner? That's like magic. Like, are we just eating nothing but Viagra for dinner? What do you have for dinner? I don't know. I thought I had the Cialis salad. I might go somewhere and they'll play some Frank Sinatra pretty soon. I'm reaching my hand underneath. You know what this other, this also says too, which is, I think, you know, sort of a little scary is this would mean that he doesn't want to be alone with women if they're on his staff. He can't have a close confidant

staff member who's also a woman. This says women have a place and it's not with me. It's not on a staff with me. Because he can't trust either. He can't trust women around him or he can't trust himself around women. There's no other or his like wife is some bizarre hyper jealous-jealous control freak.

I don't understand. There's no good. It's not like this says anything good about the psychology of anyone involved. Right, exactly. Like I have in my business about 75% of my staff is female. And I go out to lunch from time to time with my staff. Sure. Because it's an appropriate thing to do.

You have meetings. Business gets done over lunch. You have meetings, an afternoon orgy. I get it. I understand. I guess if you look at his staff, right, you lined his staff up behind him. It's probably all dudes. That's true.

He probably gets around this by being so additionally misogynist that he doesn't hire women in positions of authority. being so additionally misogynist that he doesn't hire women in positions of authority. This is a great fucking Onion article where they're like fucking, he asked the waitress to remove Mrs. Butterworth from his table until he comes back, until his wife comes out of the bathroom or something. It's really funny.

This is super weird though. This to me is one of those things. It's like, it's one of those like, here's a little bit of misogyny for you. Here's a touch of misogyny for you. Yeah, right. You know, where you're just like, here, I'm going to normal's a little bit of misogyny for you. Here's a touch of misogyny for you. Yeah, right. You know, where you're just like, here, I'm going to normalize a little bit of misogyny for you. It's like, dude, grow the fuck up, man.

Have dinner with people that, you know, like you can have dinner with someone and not expect that you will fucking somehow lubricate their pussy and put your fucking cock in them. I actually fully expect that every dinner is going to result. Hey, grandma, I'm coming over for dinner. Your mom calls like, hey, would you like to have dinner? I can't. I can't. Sorry, mom. Dad's got to be there.

Jesus. Like you get an invitation for dinner. It's like, hey, want to have dinner? You whore. You want answers? I think I whore. You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers. I want the truth.

You can't handle the truth. Oh, this is super weird. Right wing watch. Rick Joyner recounts the eight hour visit he made to heaven. Oh, man. Eight hour visit. What is the game? Like seven minutes in heaven or something?

Yeah, right. Well, it depends on how deep inception right how many levels how many levels down are you or up i guess is what you've seen that movie none of it looked like heaven none of it there were no harps at all one time i got so physically sick is he listening to joy division what's going on what is happening in the background here jesus i thought i had ebola plus the bird nobody had neither i'm certainly had neither you came i can't even describe so you were basically delirious what you're telling us are you telling are you setting up the story by saying i had a really high fever because i one time had a really high fever when i was when i had the chicken pox and I thought the Chicago Bears were practicing under my blanket.

I fucking had a delusion where I thought the Chicago Bears were practicing under the blanket I was underneath. Yeah, I like that. Right. He's like he's going to preface it by saying one time when I was at my? The following things did almost certainly not happen. It's funny because Sarah watches all these ghost shows and constantly they'll talk about, yeah, so I was laying in bed

and then I opened my eyes and it felt like there was a presence on my chest and it was holding me down and I couldn't breathe. And then suddenly I was awake and I was like, oh man, what was that?

And I looked it up and they said it was sleep paralysis, but I didn't believe it. I was thinking like, oh man, what was that? And I looked it up and they said it was sleep paralysis, but I didn't believe it. I'm just thinking like, well then what? What are you talking about? You didn't believe it. What did you think it was? Right. It'd be like starting this

story, but like, all right, so here's what he did. Yeah. I took three bottles of Xanax. Trumped a bunch of ass. I took fucking one of those DMT pills. Hung out with Joe Rogan. I never felt that bad before. I couldn't move.

I couldn't get out of bed or anything. But every day, there are a couple of things, you know, a few things that scripture says brings pleasure to the Lord. Masturbating, masturbating, masturbating, masturbating, masturbating, masturbating, masturbating. I'll tell you, brushing my hound dog brings pleasure to the Lord. When I take the spray thing and I wash out the back of my truck. That's nice. I like that.

Hanging all my guns on the gun rack. Pleasure to the Lord. Every Sunday, I disassemble them, whether I shot them or not, and I clean them. That gives me some pleasure. That's why I said no church or whatever on Sunday. That's a cleaning your guns day. Oh, God, it is.

In some places, it is. And every day, I try to do these things, and I remember struggling. I couldn't even think straight, but I'm trying as hard as I could to do these things that it says brings pleasure to the Lord. What are you fucking doing?

What is he doing? Is he squeezing his balls while he sucked his cock? What brings pleasure to the Lord? What the fuck? I took out the massager and I was rubbing one nut on the other side. What the fuck? I was sick as a dog, but you know, I made him a chocolate pie.

The Lord ain't gonna come in my mouth if I don't. And by chocolate pie, I mean I ate his asshole. I can't get in this asshole. I can't do this. This is why I got sick. Indian food. This is disgusting. First of all, Lord, you don't wipe properly.

This is not okay. It's like a fucking biohazard back here. Can you take a shower before we play? Jesus. Can you nair back here? It's like I'm flossing with your shitty pubes. It's disgusting. It's a balloon not covered in bristle brushes.

It's a fucking flavor saver you got going on there. It's not a flavor I want to say. I said, I can't do any better than that. It's the best I could do today. And the next day I felt much better. And the day after that, I felt good enough to go to our place up Moravian Falls, where I was doing a writer's seminar. And I laid down to go to sleep

when I got there and I went straight to heaven. They put him in one of those teller tubes. And he's like, and he's right up there. You got to get in the right one though. You can always tell it's the right one because the teller tube has a halo on it. Oh, right. That's the one that goes down. You got to watch the the right one, though. You can always tell it's the right one because the teller tube has a halo on it.

Oh, right. That's the one that goes down. You got to watch the one that goes up like the other one. The other one, no good. Oh, the other one's bad. It's got a little tail with a little spade on the end. It's warm when you reach into the tube. Oh, no way.

Go in that one. Can't trick me. Get double. I like, I like. I had to eat your ass last week. It was terrible. You get double. I like, I like your ass last week.

Terrible. And I had an eight hour earth time experience in heaven. You slept for eight hours. What's crazy to me is that God can coincide that time perfectly with his sleeping patterns. I only bring people up to heaven when it coincides with the circadian rhythm. It was the greatest. I've been, I really liked heaven it was great heaven was tits bro it'd be great if you went to heaven you came back like i've had experiences when i was caught up to heaven a number of times

oh it's not his first time no i fucking a i go there on business every year i got the easy pass or whatever i don't even have to wait. He got a BOGO. He goes one day and the next day, the Twicket. He goes to Great America. Or you go to Disney and you get to skip the line. St. Peter's like, nah, oh no, it's fucking a joiner. He's got the bracelet on. Let him up front.

He's got the fast pass. He doesn't have to take off his belt anymore. There's no angel backwardsly tapping his junk with his hand. And every time, I'm in a different place. I tell you, heaven is so... Dreamlike. Unbelievably diverse.

It's full of all the best white people. It's got all the best white. The white is fucking, it's fucking full of the whites. They have every shade of Caucasian. There are more species in heaven than there are species upon the earth. Did you count them? Or spiritual species.

What does that even mean? Spiritual species. Is that the movie where that chick is super hot? Yeah. Yeah. She just runs around. Like sleeping with people and like getting their DNA. She can have my DNA.

Yeah, right. I'll donate. I watched that movie as a teenager. She did get some of my DNA. I don't know if she got it, but I know the rental store did. Hey, you know what, buddy? She got it in spirit. I got that card that's like, don't return these with lube.

Please don't put lube on the case anymore. I just tried to rep movies. Get to like, sir. No lube warning. Just no. Yeah. Your membership has been revoked. Sorry.

No. This is the fourth DVD you came on. There's like, there's like that creepy guy. Doesn't clean it. Okay. It's like that creepy guy coming out of the fucking red room with like a fucking, like five stacks of fucking porn videos. And I come in and it's like him.

Yes, you know, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, sir. No that guy now who came up with five stacks like his browser shuts down on the internet. This is like I quit. I'm sorry. I can't do this. Right that guy. That's the kind of guy who fucking died of dehydration as soon as he met the internet

jerked himself off it's a fucking camel zone like he just got hey he walks out of the house people like you have humps how's that what what the fuck happened to you you get a taste of it as you read the scriptures and all the different beans and everything that there are a lot of beans. There's a lot of beads, fava, black, pinto. No, not black. It's heaven.

Yeah. There's a lot of different species of white. Angels are just one little group in heaven. They're the messengers, but they're all kinds of, but heaven is really good. Real good. They should have said to poets. I mean, every time it's been a different place.

It's been just a mind boggling, wonderful place. You can't imagine. I don't think our minds can even go there to imagine things. You said you went there. He went there several times. He went there several times! He went there several times! And he came back and described it as you would really like it.

They have a lot of beef. I'm going to get a summer home up there. I'm going to get a shirt that just says heaven's awesome. They have a lot of beef. It'd be great if he looked out into the eye and said, you ever been to the Hamptons? No, no, you're poor.

It's like the Hamptons. Something you can relate to. No, nothing like that. It's like a bean farm. Like really are heavenly. Really are there. And that's what Paul said. But this was the best part of heaven I've been in yet.

It was the good neighborhood. He went to the upper class suburb of heaven. He went to the better neighborhood of heaven. This is where they keep the upscale people. Oh my God. They had a Starbucks. Like no line. The barista never put sugar in your coffee.

What they do, you can kill her. You get to chuck her right off the cloud into hell. You know, your coffee sucks, but it's super satisfying. It was way better than any I had experienced before. It was better than the other heavens. It was the perfect place that was more perfect than the other perfect places. And at the end of this experience, the Lord said, did you know, do you know how you got here? I said, really?

I don't. I went to sleep and I'm here. He said, no, you use the key to eternal joy. Fuck it. I'm leaving. I'm leaving. No, use the key to eternal joy to open up Ganon's secret vault to get the sword to finish Zelda. That's how this works. I got the key and I killed the guy. I got the key and I killed the guy. I got the key and I killed the guy. I said, I did? I didn't even know what it was.

He said, yes, you used the key to eternal joy. And that's how you got here. I said, Lord, what was that key? And he said, when you decided as bad as you felt, you were going to give yourself to bring in the Lord joy. The key to eternal joy is blown when you're sick. That's it. That's the worst too because you know, it's that his semen so thick it makes you want to throw up.

It doesn't coat your throat like they say it does. You ever drink a glass of milk when you have a cold and like fucking that was a mistake. You know, you're just all boogery. Yeah, you're just more boogery. Yeah. I have to imagine it's the same thing. I don't know. I don't drink a lot of semen. I don't drink a lot of semen. I drink just more boogery. Yeah. Yeah. I have to imagine it's the same thing. I don't know. I don't drink a lot of semen.

I don't drink a lot of semen. I drink just the right amount. I just said a lot. To doing those things that bring him joy. You use the key to eternal joy because it's the joy of the Lord, not your joy. That is your strength. I love that the fucking creator of the universe relies on these fucking tiny specks

on a tiny speck on a tiny speck to actually give him joy, right? Like the creator of the goddamn universe, fucking the God that made fucking Canis Majoris, right? That God, fucking the thing that's like 650 million times bigger than our sun. He requires us. And that's just one tiny thing it's which is small in comparison to like the milky way galaxy or the fucking you know our local super cluster you know tiny in comparison to those things we're insignificant

we're like an atom compared to that and he's like yeah, but I'm waiting for you to give me joy. This tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny thing in comparison. It's like, he's got all the joy to give. He's got heaven, right?

He's got heaven, but he needs you to give him a fucking back rub first. Right. It's like, you gotta give God a foot rub. Right. In order to get it. It's like,

it's like, while you're sick, you gotta make sure you're sick. Exactly. It's like, like you're sick, you gotta make sure you're sick. Exactly. It's like, hey, can you rub my back? And rub my back first. Fucking just rub my fucking back

once in a while. You better have the bird flu or I don't want you here. You better be real sick when you rub my feetsies. It just means less to him unless it hurts you when you do it. Again, it's anal.

It's just, it's anal. Hold this, Kirk. Behold, the atheist's nightmare. Now, if you study a well-made banana, you'll find on the far side, there are three ridges. On the close side, two ridges. If you get your hand ready to grip a banana,

you'll find on the far side, there are three grooves. On the close side, two grooves. The banana and the hand are perfectly made one for the other. So for this last week, Tom, Yes, sir. I read part of

Scientific Facts in the Bible by Ray Comfort, 100 Reasons to Believe in the Bible is a Supernatural Origin, and you read Dianetics. Now, Tom, I'm going to let you go first because we have to play a clip from Adam Reeks, who read As Ray Comfort for us. So we're going to play a clip of that.

I got a couple of questions, but I'm going to let you go first on your questions. I think these are stumpers. All right. I think these are real stumpers. Stumpers. Yeah. All right, Cecil, how can you tell someone is a clear?

Clear, by the way, is both a noun and a verb. He actually just defines it. A clear is both a noun and a verb in Dianetics. So it's going to be interchangeably used throughout the course of this monstrosity. Now we're talking, when we say a clear, what we mean is it's a bad formula for, say, Pepsi. That's crystal? Okay. Different.

Right. So how can you tell if someone is a clear A? When you hook up an E-meter to their balls and they don't even flinch. B. They don't even flinch. They exude self-confidence and sweat, but mostly sweat.

C. They aren't crazy, like even a little bit, and they're smart and vigorous. So like, do they jump on, like, not crazy, like jump a little bit and they're smart and vigorous so like do they jump out like not crazy like jump on a sofa because you're in love with crazy is that what we're talking about or d there are no clears everyone's a little crazy and if you're not you're fucking boring uh c c is right yeah yes yeah He goes on this whole tangent about like everything. Like you can tell if somebody is a clear.

A clear is somebody who doesn't have any neuroses or psychoses or psychosomatic illnesses. Incidentally, all illnesses are psychosomatic according to L. Ron Hubbard. All right. So what can clear people do that others cannot do? Oh, I think I know this one. A, use their organs way better than most people who only use their organs a little or maybe not as well. B, surfboard down a water shark. C, rub their bellies and pat their heads.

Or D, take dianetics seriously i was thinking that they could pose as uh as models for anatomic books if they're clear right you know what i mean like you can see the pulmonaries really easily jump jumps inside whatever we're made of i don't know what's in there i don't have a fucking biology degree i I just think we're made out of stuff and parts. Figgled flaps. I don't know. It's the first one. It is because according to Dianetics, the clears, they can see better

than you. Like they can see better. They can see color better and they can hear stuff differently. Shut the fuck up. Shut up. No, all their bits and bobs work better because the reason I wear glasses, for example, and I wouldn't have to wear glasses if I went clear, my eyes would evidently re-fucking

shape or became a clear or clarified. I don't know. They just take all the milk solids out of you? If you took all the milk fat out of me, I'd disappear. Fucking gee. That's awesome. Which of these is a real sentence from

Dianetics? No, actually, I'm sorry. Which of these is not a real sentence? Oh, not a real sentence. Okay, good. A. The eyesight was reduced in the abaree on an organic basis by the abarigations so that the perceptic

organ itself was reduced from optimum operating function. I'm going to kill myself. Oh, you don't know that. B. That the various perceptions differ wildly from individual to individual on an aberrational and

psychosomatic basis is the least of the discoveries here. C. An inherent not-taught ability of the remembering mechanisms of the mind can be term. An inherent, not taught ability of the remembering mechanisms of the mind can be termed as a technical word of Dianetics returning. Or D.

So the clear, as opposed to the aberrant, remains ever vigilant to retain the regained clarity of perceptic, not organic habits through maintenance of the Dianetic postulates. How do I know? The last one is not the one. That's the one I made up.

You thought I did a good job writing gibberish. I thought I channeled the gibberish. I'm a little disappointed, actually. It's pretty good, though. I thought I did. It's not bad, Tom. All right. And finally, Cecil, some unnamed but totally learned person,

because he says that, evidently said that people can't remember smells. Right? Yeah, I know. We know this is not true because a buttered popcorn. Some other people said they can. Okay. B that's it. See, really? The claim is insane, but the counter to the claim is equally vapid.

Or D, I'm starting to miss David Icke. I'm actually smelling burnt hair. Is that good? It's A. It's A. It is A. And B. And C.

And D. All right. So let's listen to Adam. Now, Adam put together a piece that he read for us today, and we're going to play specifically just that piece. Now, if you want to hear Adam's rendition of this at the end of the show, listen after the Skeptic's Creed, because Adam put together a little extra bit when he read it. And we're going to play that for the listeners after the Skeptic's Creed. Because we don't want to laugh over what he put together. All right. So I'm going to play this whole section that I had to read, Tom, from Ray Comfort's book.

It's all about the Book of Job. Okay. And it's all the little facts that came from the Book of Job. I feel like facts is in quotation marks. I'm going to play Adam reading a segment of this, and then I'm going to give you my two... I only made two quiz questions because it's only two pages long,

and they're very short pages. I want to just show you how small... You're fucking killing me. How little I had to read. So I had to read this, all that, and then Adam read this. So I don't have to do anything.

You outsource. You have a three-page book, and you outsource the page. Three is generous as fuck. That's generous as fuck. This is the size of font you have on a placemat for kids. Like no shit. Yeah. Does that just say chicken nuggets and macaroni

and cheese over there? It has to connect the dots. Is it a jumble? Can I do the jumble? I'm loving the amount of work I have to do on this. So here we go. This is Adams. I know I'm super lazy. Oh, it sucks so bad for you.

Here we go. The Book of Job and Dinosaurs. Why did dinosaurs disappear? Science can only speculate. However, the answer may be in Job 40, colon, colon, colon,

15-24. In this passage, God himself speaks of the great creatures called behemoth. Some Bible commentators... I love it. It's like we're at fucking Ken Ham's Ark. Right?

He like put in like fucking Thundercats sound effects. I think that this is a reference to the hippopotamus. However, one of the characteristics of this massive animal is that it had a tail the size of a large tree. The hippo's tail isn't a tree. It's more like a small twig. I don't know that I have a lot to say about that other than what the fuck are you talking about? I also love to...

I exaggerate the size a lot. Like it's just something that we did. Yeah, baby. It's bigger than a baby's arm. Actually, we're talking about a preemie though, right? I stuffed like three rolls of quarters in a tube sock. Are you kidding me? It's like a pink roll of dimes.

Half a roll. I got too fitty. I just want to say though, what's so funny is we get messages from Aussies, or not Aussies, New Zealanders, Winkies or what do they call themselves? Do they have a name?

There's six of them. Do they have a name? There is a name for it. I forget what they call them. Jubjubs. Yeah. The New Zealanders, I'll say the rocks spins.

They're like, it's hilarious to hear this guy and Aussie try to make fun of New Zealanders, I'll say... The Ruxpins. They're like, it's hilarious to hear this guy, an Aussie, try to make fun of New Zealand accent. And I'm like, I can't tell the difference. I don't know. There's no difference?

It just sounds like Adam's reading something and once in a while mispronounces something. Are the New Zealanders, like, are they also a prison people? Like, is that how they populate New Zealand? Yeah, no. I mean, I know they're clearly out of prison now. They populated it because

Australia's really good at the pole vault. I mean, clearly if you live in New Zealand, you're in prison now. Like, you're in prisons in New Zealand. Here are all the given characteristics of this huge animal. Colon. It was the largest of all the creatures God made.

Semicolon. It was plant-eating, or herbivorous, another colon. It had all its strength in its hips and a tail like a large tree. It had very strong bones, lived among the trees, drank massive amounts of water, and was not disturbed by a raging river. This is really profound. He appears impervious to attack because his nose could pierce through sneers. That's so much fun to say in a Kiwi accent. Kiwis! That's what they call them! They call them Kiwis! Yeah, I knew it was some sort of fruit, actually.

It was like the Banana Peoples or something. Oh, it's a Banana Republic, anyway. It's the Banana Peoples of New Zealand. But scripture says, he that made him can make his sword to approach unto him. In other words, God calls this the largest of all the creatures he had made to become extinct.

I love how he adds all these. I don't know that I have a lot to say about that other than what the fuck are you smoking, Ray Comfort? I can't believe this is what you get to read a book written by somebody with a second grade education but what this is what they this is what they say is so he wrote about this i mean just think about how stupid this argument is in the bible they wrote about this behemoth which is really a dinosaur and so therefore the bible knew about dinosaurs before we knew about dinosaurs.

So the Bible is true. But didn't, I mean, wouldn't it be fucking obvious for these people if that was the case? Because don't they think that Ken Ham, doesn't Ken Ham think that fucking dinosaurs were on the ark and all this stuff? Like, wouldn't it be obvious?

And wouldn't they be more prolific in all the stories? Wouldn't it just be like, oh, there's just one passing remark about it? Fucking Kenneham thinks we fucked them like road dinosaurs and used them for like fucking plowing fields and shit. I know. And nobody would mention. Like you fucking stuffed the fucking garbage disposal shit down the store space. He thinks fucking the Flintstones is a real thing.

So like, wouldn't they be fucking like making tons of appearances throughout the Bible? Wouldn't we have to add them out? You would think that like, like you said, it wouldn't be a passing thing. So like, wouldn't they be fucking like making tons of appearances throughout the Bible when we have to add them out? You would think that like you said, it wouldn't be a passing thing. It's like, how many times does the word camel appear? Yeah. Or how many times does the word oxen appear? Sure. How many times does something that might be a triceratops appear?

Diplodocus. Diplodocus. My 10-year-old would throw something at you right now. Diplodocus, man. Diplodocus. Diplodocus. I'm going to call it a Diplodocusas. My 10-year-old would throw something at you right now. It's Diplodocus, man. It's Diplo Ducas. Diplo Ducas. I'm going to call it Diplo Ducas now. He's going to lose his fucking mind.

Oh, God. Well, if you want to hear the sound effects that Adam put in, listen, after the skeptics creed. Thanks, Adam, from the herd mentality for reading for us yet again. We're hoping that he can read a passage from each chapter of this book for us. He's been so generous with his time. So thank you, Adam. I want to read my two questions. Okay.

All right. I want to answer them. Tom, the quote, way of the light, unquote, proves that A, the Bible tells us of people whose most complicated device is a sundial that light has a speed. B, how the Jewish media refer to the whitewashing of Hollywood. C, how you warn someone not to use the bathroom after you've eaten a lean cuisine. All right. Well, I know it's not

C because that's why I use Poo-Pourri. Pour it right in the toilet. Two, three gallons of that and it cleans it right up. It's like a fucking spill every time I go to the bathroom. It's got to be A. It is A. The sundial. The most complicated instrument we had

back then was a sundial and we let people know that light has a speed because that's the way of the light Tom the way of the light means that light has a speed second question and the only other question because I only had I don't know if you want to saw I'm going to show you again real quick

at your fucking tiny book so the amount of reading material I had was very sparse so I did not have a lot of space here how long did it take you to do that the amount of reading material I had was very sparse. So I did not have a lot of space here. Uh-huh. Right. How long did it take you to do that? It took me literal minutes.

It's making me crazy. I'm reading Dianetics. But it took me, I only have two questions in this vast amount of text. I'm throwing this bottle cap at you right now. Here's the second question. The Bible tells us that there is a quote, wait for the wind.

What scientific principle does this describe? A, how long your elevator ride is before you decide you can't hold that fart anymore. B, the amount of- Were you supposed to hold those in? B, you see, I knew you weren't going to get this. B, the amount of time after dating someone that you feel comfortable farting in front of them. One minute. I actually, what I do is while I'm on Tinder, I take a video of me

farting and then I send it to them. And if they still reply, I'm just, I'm just waiting to where you could like text message a fart to somebody, smell a vision to somebody. C, strategically placing out your farts so they can easily be blamed on children, dogs, or the elderly. Never. Or D, barometric pressure. Oh, wait a minute. Hmm.

Well, I know it's not C. Oh, it's D. Alright, so next week, I'm going to have to read. Let me find out how much I have to read. So, medical science in the Bible is what I have to read. Let me find out how much I have to read. So medical science in the Bible is what I have to read. And it's this page here, this page here,

this page here. Oh, it's an extra page. I'll have to have Adam read one of those for me. All right. Motherfucker! So page three of Dianetics and then all of this. So expect it next week.

Should be good. God. So we want to thank our, all of our patrons, of course, but we want to thank our most recent patrons, Philip, Michael,

English, Joe, Michelle, five, one, five, zero, or 5150,

which is like a Van Halen album. It's 5150, 5150, 5150, Jerry, DJ, Jeremy, Julie Barks, Joel, Brian, Martina, Richard, Jeff, and Adam. Thank you also very much for your generous donations. We just released a patron-only show. We did.

A Rick Wiles patron-only show. I thought it was fun. So if you're a patron, a dollar patron, a dollar an episode or more, you can download that episode. It's available to all patrons right now. So if you become a patron, you can listen to it. And for all you patrons, thank you. Thank you very much. We're hoping to do another one of those in a couple months. Keep on trying to do those so that people have a very special thing, some gift that we can give you for housing us, for giving us equipment to use. So we want to thank you very much for that. We got a, this is like a cartoon. I don't want to describe it. It's called The Adventures of God. I'm going to put a link to this. I don't want to

like copy and paste it because I don't want to, I don't know how to credit it, but Jason sent this in. Thank you. It's very funny. It's a short cartoon. It's going to be on this episode show notes, go to dissonance pod.com and click on this episode. This is episode three 52. Cameron gave us a poster that is man,

pretty unflattering, but it's awesome too. At the same time, it's really, it's really great. It's just, it's But it's awesome too at the same time. It's really good. It's really great. It's such a great character of us. It makes us look as ugly as possible, which is crazy because it makes us look more ugly than normal. I don't know how.

I don't know how it's possible, but he did. Smudgy pencil. So Cameron, thank you. This is funny though. We're going to put it on this episode of Show Notes. It's a picture of our Aussie tour. It's hilarious. I just wish I could grow a beard as well as the picture of the picture.

Yeah. I can't beard that. I wish my eyes were that weird Iris thing that's going on. I don't know what to, I have a fucking snake biting me in the skull. I am being, I am being eaten by, I think a crocodile snake. So that's, that's awesome. This is great though. So check it out in the show notes.

Thanks, Cameron. It's very funny. Tom, we got a message from someone who I can't read their name, but they work in the nuclear kind of weapons industry? Yeah, and basically, bottom line here is all of our nuclear stockpile's

old, and all the money we're spending on it is just to make sure it doesn't explode wrong or early or gets to where it's supposed to go before it explodes right. We got a bunch of fucking defective old bombs. But at least they're

world-killing bombs. At least there's that. Oh my God. Oh, this is great. We got a great image of Pat Robertson. I love it. This is going to be on this week's show notes. This is by Amrit.

So thank you for sending this in. Hilarious. God, it's so good. Amrit also sent in a ton of his favorite Alex Jones clips. So I'm going to play my favorite. They're selling baby parts. They're keeping them alive. I love it. They're all short, really They're keeping them alive. I love it.

They're all short, really funny. So I'm going to download these and use some of these for segments. Thank you very much, Emerit. We got a great image

from Sakura. She drew our outlines and then drew the hamsters inside of our bodies. I want a poster of this. This is really funny. This is very funny. We're probably going to print it out

and put it on the wall. I like that I look like Meg Griffin. My silhouette looks like Meg Griffin. It does look like Meg Griffin. It looks great. So Sakura did this. This is going to be on're probably going to print it out and put it on the wall. I like that I look like Meg Griffin. My silhouette looks like Meg Griffin. It does look like Meg Griffin. It looks great. So Sakura did this. This is going to be on this episode's show notes. This is episode 352.

We just want to remind people that we will be in... We're going to be hammering out plans soon for Australia trip, but we definitely will be in Australia in November. Keep your eyes open for that. We're going to be going to Skepticon Australia 2017 in Sydney. We're looking to probably do a meetup there. We're going to do a live show. I'm sure maybe more than one,

depending. It depends on who's available and what's happening. It's November, buddy. We don't know. It's a long time from now, but we're looking forward to it. It should be a great time. We'll keep you posted as time goes on. We just want you to remind people that we will be in Australia in November. So that's going to wrap it up for this week. We are going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit.

Couched in scientician, double bubble, Mommy Issue, Hypno-Babylon Bullshit, Couched in Scientician, Double Bubble, Toil and Trouble, Pseudo-Quasi-Alternative, Acupunctuating, Pressurized, Stereogram, Pyramidal, Free Energy, Healing, Water, Downward Spiral, Brain Dead, Pan, Sales Pitch, Late Night Info-Docutainment, Leo Pisces, Cancer Cures, Detox, Reflex,, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques, and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, double-speak stigmata, nonsense. Expose your signs. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this.

The opinions and information provided on this podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. All opinions are solely that of Glory Hole Studios, LLC. Cognitive dissonance makes no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information and will not be liable for any errors, damages, or butthurt arising from consumption. All information is provided on an as-is basis. No refunds. Produced in association with the local dairy council and viewers like you. And now, for a brief break from cognitive dissonance to join Ray Comfort for a brief lapse in cognitive activity. I might as well, just while we're waiting, do a couple of vocal warm-ups.

Smith's crisps and delicious chicken spring onion or salt and vinegar? Well, that's better. The book of Job and dinosaurs. Why did dinosaurs disappear? Science can only speculate. However, the answer may be in Job 40, colon, 15-24. In this passage, God himself speaks of the great creatures called behemoth. Some Bible commentators think that this is a reference to the hippopotamus. However, one of the characteristics of this massive animal is that it had a tail the size of a large tree. The hippo's tail isn't a tree. It's more like a small twig.

Here are all the given characteristics of this huge animal. Colon. It was the largest of all the creatures God made. Semicolon. It was plant-eating. Or herbivorous. Another colon. Had all its strength in its hips. and a tail like a large tree.

It had very strong bones, lived among the trees, drank massive amounts of water, and was not disturbed by a raging river. This is really profound. He appears impervious to attack because his nose could pierce through snares. That's so much fun to say in a Kiwi accent. But scripture says, he that made him can make his sword to approach unto him. In other words, God caused this, the largest of all the creatures he had made, to become