Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 354: Easter Livestream

Episode Date: April 20, 2017

Sound issues clear up at 6:46 on the recording.    Stories covered in episode: Video Links: 

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. hey everyone this is the live show we recorded on Easter. We wound up taking the audio from the live stream and putting it directly into a podcast. Now, I do want to warn you ahead of time. The first four minutes of this recording, a certain piece of equipment was not switched on. And I, my voice, Cecil's voice is quite muffled. I tried to raise those levels as best I could. If it's really annoying,

just skip like four minutes into that recording and all that stuff gets fixed. And for the rest of the recording, which is over an hour, my voice is just fine. It just so happens that at the very beginning, there's an issue. We thought this was

a funny enough show to release as a Thursday show. We hope you enjoy it. You can watch that live stream right now. You could go to YouTube. It's loaded on YouTube. It's also on Facebook. So our Facebook page has the entire live stream. Or you can just go to livestream.com slash DissonancePod and you can watch it there. You can also read all the commentary on live stream. All that commentary that was coming in that we were interacting with is all there. We are going to be at ReasonCon this Friday through Sunday. So if you're there, we'd love to run into you. We'll be at the GAM live show. We'll also be going to some of the talks and we'll be partying afterwards. There's an after party at a certain point. We're going to be there. Come find us.

Tom and I are looking forward to meeting people down at ReasonCon and we will have another show on Monday. So without further ado, here is last week's Easter live stream. Are we recording yet? Yeah, we are on. We're on now? Yeah. Oh, there's the live stream. There it is. So sorry, everybody.

We are doing a great job. There's a couple of things I think we've got to tell people. All right. And I think, let me pause this so it doesn't start reading stuff because people should be able to join in. Hopefully, it's going to actually work, too. Now it's just spinning, which is awesome. That's the spinning of productivity, right? Great.

Super great. That's how you know things are going well and something just randomly. This is the best. We spent so much money to make this thing not work. It's so good. It's so great. I'm going to actually type in live stream?

Question mark? Oh, I auto-scheduled it. I didn't want to auto-schedule it. It's going to go on tomorrow. We're going to... Wait. Okay. I could just send it now, right?

Send now. Are we working? It is. Okay, plus. So far, this is fucking fascinating radio. Hey, guys. Hi, stream. Awesome.

All right. Someone said hello. Hi. So here we go. We're in. Thanks, Joe. Now I got to tweet these out right. Let me delete those.

Let's go ahead and talk, Tom. I'll just carry the show again. Oh, right. Let's try this one more time. What is it you're trying? I gotta send it out to Facebook and Twitter and then also

Google+. Oh, yeah, so that nobody can read that? That's terrific. Livestream? Send now? So Google Plus. Oh, yeah. So that nobody can read that. That's terrific. Live stream, question mark. All right. And I'll send now. Is there? There should be. Are you on fucking the HootSuite?

Yeah. I don't want to auto schedule. I just want to send it now. How do I do that? Fuck it. I'm doing it live. All right. Here we go.

So here we are, buddy. It's Easter. Why don't you do the introduction? Why don't I do the introduction? Five, four. Three fifty four. Yeah. All right. Here we go. So here we are, buddy. It's Easter. Why don't you do the introduction? Why don't I do the introduction? Five four. Three fifty four. Yeah. All right. Recording live on Easter from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago. This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism and ham to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us ham. It is a big ham.

It is a big ham. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no honey glaze. This is episode 354 of Cognitive Dissonance. Oh, God. You know, I'll tell you what's funny. It's trying to ad-lib into the intro a little bit.

Like, my brain is just like, we're doing the memorized part now. And it's like, ad-lib into it. It's like, but then I can't remember the next part. I can't be both things. I've got to shut everything down here. So you just got to give me...

Shut it down. Shut it down. Sorry, I'm not good at this. What is going on? We need a tech guy. Who's our tech guy? Come in here last night. Fucking come in here.

Now, fucking me. Cock sucking thing is like just broken. It's just like, it's like update the Mevo. So I was like, sure, no problem. I'll fucking update the Mevo. But hold on a second. Can I interrupt? Don't you feel like anytime any of your devices are like, I'm scheduled for an update.

You may as well just hit it with a hammer. Like, it's just like, don't worry. It'll just take the rest of your life. Okay, hold on. I got a comment. Tom sounds like he's picking up my voice. So my voice is not coming through as well. Let me turn it up a little.

How's that, gentlemen and ladies? Let us know. That was Ari Stillman. Hi, Ari. Hi, Ari. Less than a week. Less than a week. I really like her.

I like Ari, too. Ari. Ari. Ari. Ari. Ari. Ari! Ari! It's very confusing to me. I like they as well. Z is great. Alright.

Okay, so hopefully I'm coming through more much louder now, maybe. Still quiet, Cecil. Your fucking mind's still quiet. Damn. Louder now, maybe. Still quiet, Cecil.

Your fucking mind's still quiet. Damn. Twiddle the knob. It usually makes people get louder. Can only hear Tom. This is a loss for everybody. Hold on a second. Check the audio on the front of it to make sure that it's actually picking up through the thing.

Okay, hang on. I can do this. Oh, on this. I'm pressing other buttons in a desperate attempt to make something happen. We are good at this. We are good. I was using the wrong device. Is it say it's going through the one

quarter jack on there? Where would it say? I don't know. Look at the levels and see if I'm coming through on the thing. All right. We're good, by the way. We are killing it. Happy Easter. The stream just died. Yeah, but that's the thing, man.

You're on here. You're fucking bouncing and bobbing, man. Am I better? You'll find out. Somebody just said you motherfuckers. That was Ari again. Be nice, Ari. We made he, her mad.

They. What the fuck is wrong with you? Jesus. God damn it. All right. Is it? Oh, it's much better. Okay, man. They. What the fuck is wrong with you? Jesus. God damn it. All right. Are we, is it? Oh, it's much better. Okay, good.

Nicole says it's much better. Thank you. We forgot to turn on an essential item. There's so much equipment involved. Oh my God. All right. So tell your story about how nothing works. So, so it took me four hours to get that essential piece of equipment working.

It wasn't that long. It was an hour. But I had to restart the Mevo six times and the things six times. And it was just garbage. It was terrible. Well, it's Easter, buddy. So let's just sit back and relax. Stink vomit.

I'm glad it's better. Thank you. I feel like that's redundant, right? I've never had vomit be like, fuck. It's like Glenn Beckwith with Ted Cruz's shoe. Sniffing it.

I'm getting leather and hints of current. Yeah, it's because I ate a shoe. That's why. I ate a shoe. That's why I'm vomiting. So let's get started today. Happy Easter, everybody. You know, I'm glad that Christ died for all of your sins. why i ain't a shoe that's why i'm vomiting uh so let's get started today happy easter everybody you know i'm glad that christ died for all of your sins seems like it's not a weird story let's do you know the easter story sure there was this guy who's he was uh a cultish uh end times cult guy sort of david koresh without the sex. Wait, was it like, did he have like a...

His name was Jesus. Are you sure it's without the sex? I don't know. According to scripture, right? They didn't denote the sex. They were not like, they were like, hey, he's banging all the ladies.

Maybe not all his sex was noteworthy. You know, maybe he's just bad at it. You never know. Nobody would ever note my sex. I guess they would. They just put it in the back. Right.

It's in the Apocrypha for a reason. All right. We got another edition of the Dead Seas. So. So anyway, so the the story I was thinking about this morning, it just feels like they ripped off the Lord of the Rings Gandalf. You know what I mean? It feels like they totally ripped off Gandalf from Lord of the Rings. It's like that,

you know, that at least, you know, they didn't rip it off because people would be like, well, actually, which one happened thousands of years first, right? But one of the things I was thinking is like, it's like Gandalf, but Gandalf's story i was thinking is like it's like gandalf but gandalf story is much better and it feels it like you actually feel bad for him it's real hard to feel bad for spoiler i was thinking about this though it's like it's real hard to feel real bad for

jesus because he he's gonna be fine right it's like he just has a bad day like he's just like he has a bad day i and i also was thinking about this this morning. It's like, isn't the Easter story just a terrible failure of imagination? Isn't that the whole thing? It's like, well, how do I forgive him for sinning? Oh, well, we could just decide those things aren't sins. Sure. Right?

Because you made that up in the first place. Right? We could change those rules. Or we could just be like, eh, it's cool. Yeah. But I don't really understand the intermediary because we'll or we could just be like, it's cool. Yeah. But I don't really understand the intermediary because like, we'll make it okay. We'll say it's okay. Yeah.

But first I have to kill me, not me. Yeah. Like I have to kill. I have to die a little inside. I have to kill my prodigal me. Yeah. Like I don't. What is that?

Like, why? Like I just. For what fucking purpose? I don't understand that. Right. But of purposeless bullshit. We have some awesome Easter traditions to talk about. We do.

But let's talk about our Easter traditions a little first. So you were a kid. You were not religious, right? So you did not, I mean, I know that you guys went to church, but you were not religious. We're not terribly religious. We were Methodists. So that doesn't really count. Yeah.

You know, like. Which method? The one where you barely go to church and and have a pig roast once in a while. It was the best method. That is. It's the method to make fat kids. That sounds like a good one. That's what it is.

Yeah, man. We went to church. I actually loved church. When I was a kid, we'd go. I had a crush on all the girls in the choir. That was definitely a one-way scenario. I had a crush on all the girls in the choir. How old were a one-way scenario. I had a crush on all the girls in the choir.

How old were you? I stopped going to church. When I stopped going to church as a thing, I stopped going to church probably just before school. Oh, okay. Yeah.

So I think I got confirmed. So you didn't get to do that in eighth grade. And then I confirmed that I didn't want to do that anymore. They give you this little thing and it says, if you like me, check yes or no. And then then you checked no what i did is i did one of those

paper like foopity foopity things you know where it's like blue red and then you open it up it's like do you want and the question was do you like church and i was like no no i don't i actually but i did i liked church because you sang songs you gotta eat a little bit of bread um the methodist church never talked about hell or like that, you know, gay people were bad or anything like that. It was just generally a positive message

and everybody had coffee. It was like, if I were to have to go to church, that would be the church I would go to. Right. And on Easter, they had an Easter cantata.

So they sang the whole passion story. Oh, nice. So the whole thing was sung, start to finish. And we had a real nice choir. That sounds amazing. They sounded good. So you sat and

you listen to songs for an hour i would fall asleep well when i was a kid i was like okay well i gotta sit listen to music for to be honest that's better than listening to the preacher talk for an hour right that's what i mean i used to fall asleep every week in church when i was a kid every single trouble my dad would fucking lose his shit my dad my mom my dad never went to church but my mom was absolutely ecstatic for the peace and quiet. So she would just be like, fucking sleep. Go ahead.

I would just lay down on the pew and just, we'd sit in the back and I just fall asleep. Oh man. Yeah. Benadryl. Benadryl. That's what it was. Yeah.

Is it right in the communal wine? No, mom just gave us brandy. Come on. Well, it is Sunday. Someone asked the question. We got off the topic

here for a second. Are you guys more worried about North Korea trying to launch missiles or Mike Pence trying to negotiate Christopher? I feel like those go hand in hand. Yeah.

Right. They did. They launched a thing yesterday or tried to. It blew up on the pad, right? So they're probably going to fucking like, like aircraft gun the guy who's in charge of that.

I know, right? I know. It's like, how would you like to be the guy who's like, all right, I definitely think this is going to work. You've seen documentaries and stuff on there. I know I've seen some documentaries. The people there, everybody there that is in these documentaries, at least from what I've seen,

and clearly I can't make any judgment about anything except for what I've seen. Sure. But the people what I've seen, and clearly I can't make any judgment about anything except for what I've seen. Sure. But the people that I've seen all look like the people from that Twilight Zone with the little kid who can send you out

into the fucking cornfield. Yep. Like everybody's just like, ha, I love that guy. Or they start weeping and they're just like, he's the best. I love him.

You're just like, like everybody's taking crazy pills. Yeah. It is insane. Did you see the documentary where the guy goes over and he does the cataract surgery? And he like, it's the craziest shit you've ever seen. Oh, yeah.

He like, he does cataract surgery. People are like, open their eyes, like blinky blinky. And they open their eyes. They're like, thank you, dear leader. That motherfucker is standing right there, still holding your fucking cataract in his hand. Right. It's just like, I don't know why he ate it, but that's what he does.

It just saves them. He needs protein. He's got a jar of people's cataracts. He's on his bulk cycle. My whole life's a bulk cycle. Jesus Christ. But yeah, for our Easter tradition,

that's what we did. My dad didn't do Easter baskets, so we didn't do that stuff. When I was a real little kid and I lived with my mom, so I was like first grade and below, we did Easter baskets. I do Easter baskets with my little kids, though. I gave them Easter baskets, and then I took them back when they fell asleep, and I put them in the closet, and they forgot about them. And I'll throw it all away later. They forgot about them.

I let them have all the toys and shit out of it, but then all that candy is just like, they don't need all that shit. So what do you say to them about Easter though? Because they clearly are like, why am I getting a gift? Or did they not even care? Hilariously, they don't ask. Oh, that's awesome. They have no idea.

Easter for them. It's awesome that your kids aren't inquisitive. I think that's great. Well, you beat it out of them. Every time they ask a question, you turn on one of those shock colors, like you make a dog wear. Every time.

Right? Every time. You just beat them with a spoon until they're quiet. Right. Yeah. you turn on one of those shot colors like you make a dog wear every time right every time you just beat them with a spoon until they're quiet right yeah i'll tell you how few questions they have after two or three swaps which is crazy stream because whenever i go over they sing like the north koreans about how great i'm just got a picture of my i have a portrait of myself in the living room and they're saluting it. It's amazing. Well, you know what?

They're fucking well-behaved. So they're scared for their lives. When I was a kid, we used to get from my aunt. My aunt used to get us this giant egg, this giant chocolate egg. It was every year we'd get the same thing from my aunt. What the fuck is an Easter basket? Hold on a second. I'm sorry.

An Easter basket is an American tradition because Jesus is less dead than he was previously, but still mostly dead, and then he'll come back but go away again. And then might he be, he'll come back the next time. So because of that, you put candy in a basket. The end. Sometimes small toys. Pretty much.

I used to get this giant egg. It was big it's like fucking enormous chocolate egg and all three like so i have two brothers all three of us got this egg from our aunt every year came in like that fucking weird ass like fake plastic grass shit it was sitting in the oh yeah yeah yeah and and so it would come in the box. And I remember I was such a stupid fucking kid. You'd break it open and inside was little candies, like almost like Fannie Mae type candies, you know, like the chocolates, like, you know, different types of things, like little stuff.

Rat poison. Yeah. So inside were these little candies. And when I was a kid, it took me way longer than I'll admit to figure out how that was possible. My brain was like, how do you do that? How do they get the candy?

I was like, cause shouldn't it all just be molded in with the chocolate? I think we have a really long time to figure out that it's too. I was not a smart person. I still am not smart. I just learned that along the way. You just figured out the egg situation. The chocolate egg. You're like,

wait a minute, guys. Hold on. But I remember Easter was, Easter was one of those holidays growing up that we didn't miss as a holiday. You always had

some sort of feast type thing that happened. Sure. When I was younger, until I was maybe my teens, we went to church every year. We were keisters. We never went to church other than that. We did not.

I went to church more than you. Absolutely. And I was less religious than you. Absolutely, yeah. Well, that's funny. Yeah, no, I was a stupid kid. So I think we just cleared that up with the eggs. I wasn't suggesting that, although now.

Although, stream can see I'm making an egg here. So it's like, this is my egg. But anyway, so we would go once a year, twice a year, Christmas, you know, maybe three times if there's another special religious holiday, I'm forgetting. But, you know, we did not go all the time. Okay. But we'd go to church, come home, and then mom would make a big food, and then we would eat all the foods.

Sure. And I remember even after I left home, it was still a holiday I went home for. Even though I was not religious, it was still a holiday I traveled home every year for. Because it's one of the big three, right? Yeah. But it was one of those that we just didn't, like, not do. It was one we did every year. So it's always been sort of a – but now my parents are dead, so who cares?

Well, not them. Now it does it better. Now I could spend it however I want. I could spend it however I want. And today, I woke up in the morning and drove out to visit my in-laws for a couple hours and then came back to Chicago to do the stream. So that's it.

I get to spend it exactly how I want it, which is much better than before, spending six hours on the road. My Easter tradition has changed because although as a child, we didn't do the Easter busket or any of the rest of that shit, as an adult, when I got married,

we had to go to my in-law's house and she would overcook a ham until it quit. Oh, no. I know. Your ex-mother-in-law? It was a salted leather food. She's the worst. It was unbelievable.

It was fucking... It's like eating a fucking 80-year-old's ball sack. Not again. Jesus. It's what I had for lunch. It's fucking terrible. It's not what I said. It was amazing.

The level of overcookedness. She would make it curl. It's not what I said. It was amazing. The level of overcookedness. She would make it curl. It was just like... You know what I mean? When you overcook a meat to the point where all the moisture is just like, fuck it, I'm out. She cooked it like you cook a frank and the ends blow up.

She cooked a frank. It pumps when you cook it it's like no it's exploding in rage it's a horror it's a horror I remember one year she made some side we're talking about sides the last two shows but I remembered that she had made a side

she had gotten this Dutch oven this is the best story she got this Dutch oven she didn't know how to use and didn't deserve to have. And so, and somebody should just hit her with it because it's the only appropriate use of that cast iron. And so she decided to make a rice gludge. And so she put rice. She had to go to cooking school for that.

We are going to make the rice gludge today. Welcome to Gulag cooking school. First, we cook the rice until it gives up. The trick is stir constant. It's just a start. It actually spawns life. He's good for a wallpaper. He's not good for it.

So she made a rice clutch. What was it supposed to be? It was supposed to be. Like a rice au gratin sort of thing. Oh, God. So she made a rice glitch. What was it supposed to be, though? It was supposed to be... Like a rice au gratin sort of thing? Oh, Lord, no. That would have been... I don't know. She probably found it... You genuinely don't know what she was trying, even? No, because she had substituted so many other ingredients because she didn't have anything.

And the best part is, subbing ingredients is okay if you know what the ingredient accomplishes in the recipe, right? Exactly, right. But if you don't, and then you have an appropriate substitute. Sure. So you need both of those things.

A basic understanding of what you're trying to accomplish. And a recommended substitute. You wouldn't say try to replace eggs with eggs. Right. That would be a bad call. Burn once. Yeah. But I remember it was green.

It was like, the whole thing was like green eggs and ham green. And I asked her, I was like, what is this? She's like, well, you're trying not to make eye contact. You're just like, I don't know that I want to look at it.

Make it go away. Is it going to attack? She said, well, the recipe called for peas, and she didn't have any peas, but she had some asparagus laying around. So she put the asparagus in there. So there's strings of asparagus? It broke up into thousands of micro asparagus or whatever. I mean, it strings eventually, right? Well, it does, but then the strings will break down if you put that one up and it will just

turn into, you see from experience, this rice green thing that smells the way asparagus pea smells because you've cooked it. So you've got a, you've got a, you've got a gludge rice of asparagus. And it's this nausea green.

It's just like, and I was just, and you try to scoop it. The spoon is like trying to break and die. It's like, and it's doing that to save you. Right. It's just like, and I was just, and you try to scoop it. The spoon is like trying to break and die. It's like, and it's doing that to save you. Right. The spoon is like,

I would rather break. I will give up my life. This is the Easter tradition. I will give up my life. Yeah. So now I don't have to do that anymore. Oh, thank goodness.

Now I can, I got to ask a question. I've had an infinitely better morning. I bet. So I got to ask a question. Yes. What, uh, would you eat the foods just to be nice?

Or would you look at it and be like, no, I ain't doing that. No, I had, my other tradition was to go on the way there and get something to eat at a drive-thru. Sure. So I was not hungry. And then I would put the minimum volume on the plate for polite sake. And then I would eat a bite or two and faint a stomachache. Every time they knew you had a stomachache?

When it was ham? What am I going to do? I can't eat that. I can't do that. I can't make it go in the machine, man. I don't even like this machine. I'll put a lot of weird shit in this thing. Yeah, no, I couldn't. It was so bad, man. It was so bad. That rice thing I did taste, though. I was morbidly curious. bad, man. It was so bad. That rice thing I did taste though.

I was just, I was morbidly curious. Sure, at a certain point, you're just like, yeah. You're like, I'll eat that fucking duck egg or whatever. I'll eat that half fucking incubated duck egg. Right?

It sounds amazing. We're just like, fucking a durian fruit? Like it smells like a poo? Sure. I think the name of that thing is the sound you make when you throw it up.

All right. So let's cover a couple of Easter traditions. Let's look, I want to look at some of the comments though first. So you got through what the fuck is an Easter basket. Oh man. How did they not have Easter baskets? What do you like spray Vegemite on something?

Like what, where are you fucking from? I don't know what a fucking Easter basket is? I don't know. I wonder where the person would be from. Fucking deprivation land? Even my kids have Easter baskets. I don't even like them. Jesus.

It's just full of chores. Like, it just, they open an egg and it's like, wash the fucking walls. I want to ask people how the quality is. I think we're not, we haven't got it set up correctly in the sense that it should be running through Ethernet

and I think it's running through Wi-Fi. So let us know if the quality is garbage or anything like that. All right. So let's cover the story, Tom, about the people

beating other people because I think that that is sort of where we should be. We're going to cover a couple of Easter traditions today. This is a story you found about 10 bizarre Easter traditions around the world. I don't know that we're going to talk about all of them, but we should talk about a few of them.

So, Easter's fucked up, man. In the Czech Republic, it is their tradition. Scroll down a little bit because I can't. I got to use this here. Oh, I should probably zoom in and do the zoomy thing too, right? How's that? That's good. I got old man eyes. I'm 34, man.

All right. 34. 34 for life. Fucking liar. 34 for life. Here's the deal to check the public. It's Easter. So let's beat a girl with a customary Easter whip. Right?

I like, first of all, that you have a customary Easter whip. Sure. You don't want to use your regular day-to-day whip when you are like, can you imagine how insulting that would be? Oh, you'd even break out the fancy whip. This is from the Czech Republic. They would just hit him with the horse crops. Right. So, yeah.

Right. Because again, they don't have cars or electricity or whatever. It's still the past. Hey, welcome to the Czech Republic. What year is it here? The past. It's just, we don't even, we stopped counting. Here's your plague. Just go on. It's fine. It comes free with every visit to this garbage. I don't know. Do planes even land there? They probably stop working overseas. So if a guy

likes a girl, you get out your Easter whip and you whip him. And then you give him a bunch of money. The woman gives the man some money and an egg as a thank you for getting hit, which I feel like is a backwards transaction. I feel like if I'm whipping a woman,

I have to pay her for that. If I'm having a woman tolerate it, I got to pay her too. You know what I mean? Sure. Even in the lesser scenario. And then if the men are old, they get a shot of whiskey, right?

So if an old man beats a girl with a customary Easter whip, the girl gives him whiskey, which means she's carrying whiskey, wondering if an old man will whip her. Think about that for a second. And then if you go home and you still have all of your shit and nobody whipped you,

then you're not pretty enough to be beaten. The Czech Republic, ting, Easter. That's how this works. And that's a sad thing. Like, uh, nobody hit me with their fucking Easter whip. I guess I must be ugly. I got to read Esme's comment here.

Esme says, my mother-in-law was also the worst cook as well. I think her taste buds were burned in a chemical fire. She brought a dish once, a vegetarian eggplant thing that she added strips of bacon. I don't think that there's anything wrong with that, actually. I think that that's literally the only way to save a vegetarian eggplant

thing. In a desperate attempt to save the vegetarian eggplant thing, I think your mother-in-law chose the better part of valor there. It's an okay solution, but wouldn't it be better to just throw away the eggplant and just bring more bacon? You cook the eggplant and

just throw it away? Wouldn't it have been better if you went to your mother-in-law's and there was just a big plate of bacon that everybody got to dig into? She'd have fucked that up, too. She'd have fucked that up. She cooked some bacon in the microwave. What?

Yeah, she microwaves her bacon. Oh. I know, it's the saddest fucking thing ever. This Cyprus one, this is, I don't know, it seems like they're trying to make it a little worse than it actually is. It really just is a bunch of people who build fires.

It looks like they build a bunch of fires. And there can be some fights over the wood because it's not a lot of wood around there. That sounds like a problem, Cypress. Yeah, no kidding. Well, I guess in the story before, they were beating someone for wood too right and then so now it's a different kind um yeah the cypress one bermuda bermuda i like their tradition yeah they've got this they fly a bunch of big fucking kites special easter kites but then they the the reason why they don't like it is because they they disassemble the easter kites afterwards yeah i who cares like it's it's fucking, you're in Bermuda

flying a kite. Are you fucking kidding me? What the fuck do you have to complain about? That's the only fucking noteworthy part of that story. I gotta spend a bunch of time on the beach making another kite. Right. Another day in paradise flying a kite. Oh, cry me a fucking river, Bermuda. Fucking

hate you. The Italy one, this one is the Rube Goldberg one, right? Right. I think this is neat. Bermuda fucking hate you. The Italy one. This one is the Rube Goldberg one, right? Right. I think this is neat. This is,

this is really cool. So the people make crazy Rube. I would, I would travel to see this. They make crazy Rube Goldberg contraptions. We were like exploding shit everywhere for Easter. That's the way to Easter. Right? Like the boot kicks,

the fucking bowling ball or whatever and it pounds the stake into his hand. I think pretty much everything has to happen to Jesus at the end. Where like something pulls something down in a string like lifts the cross. Crucified by Rube Goldberg machines would be

outstanding. Someone needs to make that video. God, that would be so great. That would be fucking outstanding. Someone needs to make that video. God, that would be so great. That would be so great. I know no one cares about Norway. Norway looks like a nice place to visit. Yeah, right? Nobody really lives there. Denmark got they fucked up. They're like, I don't know. Is it fucking

Halloween? They're all confused. I just go door to door. And then they get candy or some shit. Let's look at the Philippines. Hold on a second, though, because someone mentions the Philippines. Vin says, Vin says, you do know that the people

in the Philippines reenact the crucifixion of Jesus Christ on Good Friday using real nails driven through their hands and feet. I bet it's fucking hard to hold M&Ms afterwards. I just think of the painful

masturbation sessions later. Ridiculous. When you're remembering yourself. Like fingertips or something. On the cross. So, all right, I'll scroll down. All right. Finland, nobody cares about Finland.

Finland's so boring. Like they actually grow grass and they're just like, hey, how's the grass we're growing? I don't know. Finland, let's go kill ourselves. No one cares about our country. Emily's commenting on the Rube Goldberg to

best game of mousetrap. Alright, France. In France, they just all get quiet. They turn everything off. I don't know. I dislike that. I don't know. I think that. I don't know. I think that would be kind of cool. Just quiet everything down for a little while. I went to the march yesterday.

The march here in Chicago. The tax march. Yeah. So they had a march in Chicago and all over the country. Getting completely off Easter. Who gives a shot? It comes with a moment of silence. Yeah.

But I went to the march. And they had a giant chicken, uh, with a gold hair look like Trump. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And, uh, and they, the March was set up and we got a dumb ass comment on our Facebook about it.

Like somebody was like, well, you fucking, he's democratically elected president. Why are you pro? Why are you protesting him being president? And I'm just like, fucking idiot. I'm not protesting him being president. I'm protesting the fact. And this is one of the reasons why I went out yesterday, because this is something I feel strongly about. He should be showing

just like all the rest of the other presidents. You should show your tax returns and not the one that Rachel just happened to find from 2005. It's 12 years old or at this point, 11 years old because it's 16, 11 years old. They have, you know, no schedules on it. It's just like one piece of paper. Maybe even as they speculate, leaked by his own camp, just to try to get people off his back. Here's one that's not incriminating. Yeah. So there's this, there's a tax march yesterday. They specifically wanted to go out and, you know, a bunch of people want him to show his tax returns. One of the first press conferences he did right after he was elected, he said, nobody cares about the press

about this. Well, I went out yesterday and there was thousands of people in Chicago. I would venture, I don't know how many people, I didn't look it up, but I would say, you know, 10,000 didn't seem like it was out of the realm of possibility. There was a huge line of people leaving. We wound up walking over to Trump Tower or whatever. But one of the things that happened is there's a couple of people that came up and spoke beforehand. So I don't go to a lot of protests. It's just not a thing I do. But I just happened to go to this one. And they had a bunch of speakers beforehand. Some really good stuff. One guy is in the Senate and he's trying to pass a bill. He's Illinois Senate trying to pass a bill

so that you would have to show five years of your tax returns to get on the Illinois ballot if you want to run for president or vice president. So in order to do that, and I guess a bunch of other states have already passed

some of these laws. So if Trump tries to run in 2020, he's going to have to show his tax returns. And they specifically, I think, made it five years. So he couldn't show the ones while he's in office. I can't go back. You'll have to go back specifically, I think, made it five years. So he couldn't show the ones while he's in office.

Ah, I can't go back four. You'll have to go back five. So they're making it five years. Well, that's clever. So really, I thought, you know, good speaker. A couple other people were good speakers, et cetera. And then Jesse Jackson got up there. And Jesse Jackson, and I'm sure everybody knows who Jesse Jackson is.

Like, he's been a figure for years and years and years and years. A Chicago figure, at least. I don't know how nationally known he is. I'm sorry. No, I'm just mixing up black guys. Whatever. They're all the same, right? No?

No? So, Jesse Jackson. I don't know. I genuinely don't know how well nationally known he is, though, because he is a Chicago native. So I don't know exactly. I know he ran for president, but it was a long time ago. Black people, natives. No, they're not native to here anyway. So, no, I think you're fine. But somewhere, Sean, Sean has heard of him. So evidently it's a, but anyway.

And it's Jesse White, by the way, is the Tumblr thing. Jesse White is the Tumblr. Nobody's going to know that. That's a local joke. That is an Illinois joke. That's an Illinois joke. The Tumblr joke. But it's good.

Nobody's going to get it. It's a good joke. It is a good joke. They used to come to our high school and do the flips and shit. I know, they get into everything. They just do their. Do all those fucking flips all the time. Crazy.

But anyway, we, he's, his method of speaking yesterday was he would say something and want the crowd to repeat it back to him oh my god and he did this for like church style it was crazy can i get a and i'm sitting there watching i'm like what the fuck are what is happening here and he'd be like and he would say stuff like you know colombia is our neighbor you know and then they'd say to him like mexico is our neighbor and then he, and then they'd say to him, like, Mexico is our neighbor. And then he'd want everybody to say it. And he'd keep on saying all these different things over and over. And I'm just like, what the fuck? I'm not going to say that. Like, what are you? That's so weird.

And it was weird. And he spoke for a really long time and it was really kind of uncomfortable. Then right after he was done, they got this gospel preacher to get up there and do a, like a hallelujah prayer, over the march and right no shit i'm not even kidding right at the beginning of daily plaza okay and i took a picture and put it on our facebook and on our twitter freedom from religion foundation put up a huge fucking sign that's like you know uh let uh let reason shine or something i had on one side and then it had the quote from the treaty of tripoli on the other side and it was just like you know keep religion out of government basically this huge fucking sign right at the beginning when you walked in and I felt like oh and then there's a bunch of people

like like sort of bowing their heads and there was a moment of silence and there was all this stuff like and I'm just like we don't need what do we need what does it have to do with Trump and his taxes literally has nothing to do with what we're doing but I guess it's just like sort of this appeasing of the religious crowd. Right. I was going to say, you get enough people together. It just seemed useless to me,

but it was like a two minute prayer and all these people are at our heads bottom. I'm like, fuck you. So wait a minute. Are you suggesting that that prayer didn't solve the problem at hand?

Yeah. But you guys, but you all, like a lot of people pray. Right afterwards, they sky wrote his taxes in the air. God's just like,

no. Right. All right. So we're going to continue on. That's what the moment of silence brought up. Poland. My mom used to make a cake like this, although they made it kind of a butter.

So it's like a butter, like a whole butter thing. And you can go to the store now. Yeah. And you can get a butter mold lamb. But my mom for years and years and years, she was a baker. She used to make a lamb cake every year. And I used to cut its head off and put strawberry sauce in it every year. I'm like, the head's mine. I call the head. That's it.

I'm going to eat the head. I'm going to eat the face right off the stuck jelly beans. Hell yeah. Yeah. But I would just bite them out and then spit them out because they were black licorice jelly beans. And who would eat that? That's only an awful garbage person would eat. A garbage person who hates themselves would eat licorice. Okay. I do eat them. So inaccurate. That is an accurate assessment.

It's an accurate. I want to talk about this butter lamb because at first I was like, okay, fucking who cares? It's a butter lamb. But I guess it's fucking molded by hand. And then you buy it. Yeah. And then you eat it. So you're eating fucking weird hand butter and that is sort of fucking super gross. Hey, let me rub your butter for a while. You better,

we better be pretty fucking close friends. If you're going to rub my butter, I'm just saying like, we're, that's a fucking intimate connection. That is, that is. Yeah. I've only done it like four or five times. We've known each other 20 years. We've known each other a long time. Somebody, somebody mentions in the stream this, I really hope that kind of stuff doesn't bleed into the science march next week. Oh. And my wife's going to, I think, go to the science march.

I don't know where they're doing. I think they're doing it by the, by the, maybe by the camp, the museum campus, I think. That makes sense. But they're going to do a science march down there. But yeah, there was a bunch of people. Actually, it was really cool. A ton of people at this rally, and you could just hear people saying to each other,

see you guys next week, see you next week, see you next week. Oh, that's awesome. You know what I mean? We're not done. We're not done yet. We're going to keep doing this shit. Yeah, that's right. All right, is there any others?

Norway just quits. Norway, everything just closes down for a week. This is crazy to me. This is crazy to me. So what Norway does is they shut down everything for a week and they say really shut down it's not just kids stay home but everything you don't go to work your kids don't go to school you don't cash checks you don't go to the grocery store i literally have no idea how true this is by the way i have no idea this is yeah this is what they say seven people fucking live there who cares what i think like They just all share the same birthday meal. Isn't this great, though?

This is... We need to do a couple of these weeks for us so we can prepare for after the nuclear war. I think, you know what I mean? Like when everything's closed and you're held up in your hovel trying to eat your buckets, you know, to survive.

Yeah. I think that this will teach us sort of like how to be away from other humans. Yeah, Norway's going to be fine, right? Yeah. Norway knows. Norway knows what's up. They've been to be away from other humans. Yeah, Norway knows. Norway knows what's up. They've been prepping

for this whole time. They're the ultimate doomsday preppers in Norway. I'm just going to play fucking weird death metal and paint their faces white. I'm with you, Esme. Death to black licorice.

Fuck that shit. That shit is horrible. You guys are just wrong. It also raises your blood pressure. Did you know that? Really? If you eat a bunch of black licorice, if it's real black licorice.

Is this on Snopes? Should we snope this? I've checked this out. No, I've checked this out. You've de-snoped it? This is a true. If you eat a whole bunch of black licorice,

but it can't be like shitty, you know, not true black, but like actual black licorice as an ingredient and fucks with your blood pressure. Really? Yeah, yeah. I figure, fuck it.

I'm going to die anyway. I hope it's with a face full of fucking black licorice and they give me fucking CPR. It's disgusting. You're like fuck it. I'm going to die anyway. I hope it's with a face full of fucking black liquor. Give me fucking CPR. It's disgusting. You're like feeding it to someone you don't like. All right. So let's look at the Philippines because that shit's fucking nuts.

Do you like Jägermeister? Oh, God. That's a drink for 20-year-olds. That's like Goldschlager, right? It's like a drink that nobody above fucking 23 is. I haven't had Jägermeister in forever. There's a buddy of mine who drinks Jägermeister and Red Bull together. Still as a grown-up?

Yeah. And he drinks it. He doesn't just do shots. He drinks it in a whole big glass with ice in it. Oh, you know what? I have had that. I have had that. But it's a fucking...

That's a club drink. It's like a... It's so bad. Yeah, it's a shitty... It tastes like shoe shine. It's the worst. It's a fucking Jersey Shore drink. I mean like a... Oh, it's so bad. Yeah, it's a shitty... Oh, it tastes like shoe shine. It's the worst. It's a fucking Jersey Shore drink. I mean, like, blowing a guy who shines shoes. That's what I mean it tastes like.

It's a shoe shine. Your life experience has upset me sometimes. I just have a good palate. You get that brush afterwards that cold ass shit on your beard. It's like a Samoyed. It tastes like dirt. And I'm like, it tastes like hobo dick.

Wait, no. There's like a Samoyed It tastes like dirt and I'm like It tastes like hobo dick Wait no Eastern seaboard hobo dick Yeah the cocoa butter It's not the west coast hippie hobo dick That's different This is a little So this video I think we can actually put this on the screen. I don't know how well we're going to see

this stream. We're going to try to watch it. Hold on. I'm going to cameraman the fuck out of this. So you cameraman it. I'm going to hit play. Oh my God. I am so useful to our production. Boom. Did I hit it? I can't tell. No, man. You got to...

Gary, get out of the way. When you hit the button, you'll know. Gary. There's a big reaction. Look at this shit. You hear the moaning? I don't know if you guys can hear the fucking moaning. No shit. That's a real fucking nail.

Dude, they just nailed that fucking guy. He's screaming like, this hurts. You had this coming, motherfucker. Sorry, trigger warning. Didn't realize there'd be a nail in there. Dude, they just nailed that fucking guy and he's screaming like, this hurts. You had this coming, motherfucker. Sorry, trigger warning. Didn't realize there'd be a nail in there. Oh, yeah. Look at that. Pause it for a second. Pause it. Pause it for a second.

So they nail up three people, right? But only one gets to play the role of Jesus. The other gets to play the role of who remembers their names. Right? You you gotta fucking nail through your hands it's like Jesus' sidekick right it's like Robin it's like I'm like

what is his name fucking Barnabas or something like Barnabas Bailey or some shit Barnabas Bailey there is a sucker born every minute and then there's the other one right the one guy had at least had a conversation with Jesus when he was up there, but did they both?

I don't know. And I barely even know what I'm talking about right now. I've only seen the one where they show every year on Easter. Don't they show every year the Moses story on Easter? At least that's what they used to show when I was a kid was the Moses story every year because the Jews control the media.

And so they show that one every year. I have to admit, I love that that guy screamed in evident real pain because it's like, fuck you. Fuck you. You're such an asshole.

Fuck you. You volunteered for this. Nobody twisted his fucking arm. To be honest though, when I first saw this picture, my first thought was, oh, like Jesus is looking up there because they are standing on platforms. They're not hanging from this.

They're not actually suspended. And so I thought they were hanging from that. They just all they had was like a couple of ribbons on to sort of like hold them on. And they're standing on platform and Jesus is just up there like, oh, look at me. Oh, you're a tough guy, huh? You know, but instead, like that's some legit shit to get fucking nailed to a piece of wood. What is so funny, because the Catholic Church does not support this. So the Catholic Church is like, stop doing this.

Just stop it. And then the local doctors are like, get a tetanus shot. That's actually in the article. Get a tetanus shot. Crystal says extreme cosplay. Extreme cosplay. That's actually in the article. Get a tetanus shot. Crystal says extreme cosplay. Extreme cosplay. That's great. It's a LARP.

You don't win. Somebody rolled a bad dice or something. Bad dice? Good for you. A saving throw is what they call that. Well, they don't call it a saving throw when you had a fucking crucify. Not when you roll a one. You want to watch more of that?

Yeah, let's see that fucker get strung up there like an idiot. Oh, look, that hurts. Oh, they're going to nail his fucking biscuits. Oh, they're nailing his fucking biscuits. It hurts so bad. That's ridiculous.

That's so stupid. A bunch of schmucks. God. Oh my God. It so obviously hurts so much. Oh, we're getting another North Korea. Oh yeah, North Korea's ready for war. Well, Trump will use his able negotiating skills and subtlety to get us

out of this one. What I love too is like the image here. I don't know. I can't really... Can I zoom in on it? I can't really zoom in on it. Look at this kid over here. Doesn't that look like Marvin the Martian right here? Like the tiny little legs and that weird little helmet. It looks like Marvin the Martian. I also, too,

they're just like, yeah, all the guys with the rip-dabs, those ones get to be Jesus. All the rest you get to wear a sack. You're all the guys with the rip dabs. Those ones get to be Jesus. All the rest you get to wear a sack. You're all the sack people. Terrible cosplay too. It's literally just a fucking piece of cloth with a fucking hole in it. This is period.

Did you see the hammer he was using? Ace Hardware. Ace fucking hardware. No shit. They should have to hand forge those fucking things. Nice doll nail. It's a dowel. It's a piece of wood. That does not look

good. Does not look good for Homestar Runner. I want to read the bottom of this. You know, they got these crosses from Ikea. That's why it took so many people to assemble it. Punk. Punk. They're like, there's one guy standing in the back with the allen wrench. What do I do? The allen wrench's hands.

It hurts so much. It takes so long. Ow, fuck. Ow, fuck. Ow. Put the cab lock in to hold it. It doesn't hold that well. Fuck.

Great shit. All right. So I want to read the bottom. All right. So let me read the bottom. Actually, I have it down here, but I'll leave it up there. Do you want me to zoom in on this thing? No, it's okay. It's no big deal. I got it right here anyway but I'll leave it up there. Do you want me to zoom in on this thing? No, it's okay.

It's no big deal. I got it right here anyway. I'll just read it. Alright. So, where does the name Easter come from? Bunny egg, I think, is where it comes from. Scholars believe the festival to be named after an Anglo-Saxon goddess of the radiant dawn.

Esther. EO Esther radiant dawn. Esther. Oh, E-O-Ester. E-O-Ester. E-O-E-S-T-R-E. That's how I spell E-O-E-S-T-R-E. First referred to in the 7th century A.D., she was associated

with joy and blessings. Unless, of course, you're getting your hands stabbed or something. No. Then she's associated with, ah! Which is the worst thing

to be associated with, by the way. Wait, real quick. Did Jeebus get, I actually don't know this answer. Did he get nailed up on Good Friday?

And then he also died the same day? Or did he stay up there a day or two? Did he hang up like jerking for a couple days? How long did it take? I don't know. Let's see what the stream has to say about that. Because I actually don't know.

He rose. He had to die the same day he got nailed up there, right? I would imagine you would die the same day, right? I don't know. Jesus wasn't superhuman. But I think that was the whole thing with crucifixion is that a lot of people stayed up there for a long time and then they stuck that spear

in him because it was about to be happy Jew day. Sure. Yeah. And he couldn't live through the night. I just wanted to strain him. How do we strain this?

Yeah. Cheese cloth underneath the catch it. Yeah. Well, hold on a second. Let's see if, let's see if stream can answer

the question. Cause I'm not sure. I don't know whether he died instantly. He might've, I don't, he didn't die. Like, you if, let's see if stream can answer the question. Cause I'm not sure. I don't know whether he died instantly. He might've, I don't, he didn't die. Like, you know,

it's clearly didn't die instantly. Cause he had to have that whole, like, yeah, have a conversation. Well, I know he had a couple of conversations. He had to bitch at God a little bit.

Like, Oh, it sucks. You really couldn't come up with a better solution. Uh, Jesus. Kim did correct me at 4,000 marched chicago so okay it was sizable i like i said the entirety of daily plaza was full before we left so thanks kim um i just want to see

good friday's the day he died said christopher is it also the same day he was nailed up there though or was he nailed up on friday died on He was like nailed up on like salty Thursday or something. Tuesday, Tuesday. He's out there like, sun's out, guns out. He's all fucking douchey about it. All the women are like washing their clothes on his stomach. Alright, so let me read

a little more of this. Alright. So it says, where did I slow? Only English and German use this name for the festival. The other languages tending toward variations of the Latin Pascha

or Pascha or Passover. Because of its pagans association, some Christian traditions shy away from using the word Easter, preferring Resurrection Sunday. Oh, I like that better. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday.

Grave digger. There's nothing here. Grave escaper. I'm out of work again. All right, so now the next piece here, it says, why the eggs? And I just want to interject here real quick. It weirds my wife out when I say that to interject here real quick. Yeah.

It weirds my wife out when I say that she has eggs in her. She's just like, I'm like, you got eggs in you. And she's like, no, don't say that to me. And I'm like, no, but you do. And she gets weirded out. So I have to reassure her

and be like, no, you have eggs in you and one day they're going to run out and you'll be useless. It's like salmon roe. Yeah. You're full of salmon roe.

And when that's gone, you're useless. You're absolutely useless. So I just have to reass's gone, you're useless. You're absolutely useless. So I just have to reassure her once in a while. You know women. They're just sensitive like that, man. It's fine. You just gotta...

She's just... Calmer insecurities. Since I'm sterile, she's filled with Cadbury eggs. All right, so the egg is a symbol of fertility and creation in numerous religious traditions. In Christianity, the egg also symbolizes the sealed tomb of Christ. Yeah, so I can't read this that well because it's far away and I didn't bring my glasses. I thought that read symbolizes the salad tomb of Christ.

And I was like, that's weird. Oh, that's better. I have to get all squinty squinty. It's the sealed tomb of a chicken abortion, but I don't know that it's a sealed That's better. Not to get all squinty squinty. It's the sealed tomb of a chicken abortion, but I don't know that it's the sealed tomb of Christ. And then it says, the tradition of decorating these eggs can be traced back to Christians in Mesopotamia

who would paint them red to symbolize the shed blood of Christ or a very tight chicken. Right. There's a lot of blood on that one. Period. So the next one is. I love this one.

Why the rabbit? And can I just interject here? Sarah's weirded out when I say there's rabbits in her. She's just like super weirded out by that. I feel like stop putting rabbits in there. That's the weirder part. Like just that's. I mean, your shit's your shit.

Like whatever. We've been married a long time. You've got to keep it interesting. Spice it up. Black and rabbit. Smells like a rabbit cage in here. In classical antiquity. It's 2017. Nobody has hair anymore.

It's a homonym. That's a homonym joke. Good for you. I don't even know if that's the real word for that. I think it is. It's a live stream. That's a homonym joke. Good for you. It's a homonym pun. Good for you. I don't even know if that's the real word for that. I think it is. It might be. It's a live stream.

Someone will correct us. In classical antiquity, writers saw the rabbit and the hare as a universally hunted animal that could only survive by its immense fecundity. Ooh, there's a $2 word for you.

I love fecundity. That's a great word. That means anal, right? With the rabbit? You get to do that once. I break more rabbits this way. I'm so sorry. It's screaming,

tricks are for kids! Tricks are for kids! That's what you tuned in for, guys. Fucking bunny rape on Easter is what you tuned in for guys fucking bunny rape on easter is what you tuned in for that's what you're doing right now oh god it says the rabbit became a symbol of vitality and fertility in addition rabbits and hairs live underground associations with its tomb of christ. What kind of stretch is that? It's like, oh yeah, it was underground. What if instead it was some other underground burrowing fuck-a-lot animal?

Just like the naked mole rat of Jesus or something? Those are burrito animals, man. They're nature's burritos. When I think about it, I think naked mole rat a lot. I guess, yeah. Wah, wah. They have those easy buttons for staples.

I just have one that goes wah, wah. If you're uncircumcised, it's a star-nosed mole. It's like, that fucking thing's weird. What's happening down there she's screaming cover it up turn off the lights more off the lights

actually just couched my eyes out just spray paint black some swim goggles I'll wear those it says older Germanic texts mention the Easter fox or Easter stork that's bringing the eggs. But these had fallen out of use by the mid 20th century.

I'll never accept an egg from a fucking store. I would spike that fucking thing. I'm not taking any chances. I feel like any time animals bring you presents, like just say no. Just like what the fuck kind of fucking crazy world are we living in? Why is the date always different? Is the next subhead? Well, bunnies have a terrible sense of time.

Because we made this shit up, right? Basically, I don't know that I want to read the whole end. But the short answer is Easter is themed a movable feast. And the death and resurrection of Jesus were celebrated on Jewish Passover, which is tied to the solar and the lunar cycles. I actually thought, you know, if it's a Jewish ceremony, they just had a sale on lamb. And that's when they did it. It's just whenever it's just cheap.

Whenever it's easier to buy. So that's Easter. That's the Easter tradition. It is. Which is... Well, New Zealand, we're going to New Zealand shortly, Cecil. So there's one more to talk about. I do want to talk about it.

I want to cover a little bit of stream. So let's take a look and see if there's anything. The giant Mongolian earthworm of Jesus. It's so much chocolate. That's the problem. We're quiet here because I'm reading. It's terrible at this. I'll just, I'll do jazz hands or something at the camera. Lime and things. Someone's asking, do they do jazz hands or something at the camera to liven things up.

Someone's asking, do they drink Easter eggnog? No, God, no. You know what you could do is you could just melt down peeps, I guess, and drink that. You ever put a peep

in the microwave? Didn't that get really big? It's really comical. Yeah. It's like a peep erection. It's just like, it's like, that thing's a fucking grower,

not a shower, man. Microwave, huh? That's interesting. Oh bad idea it does plump when you cook it and then it's useless were you fucking an easy bake oven again didn't work the first time it's not how you make a chocolate lava cake. Emily says, every time someone asks, how do you like your eggs? I always resist

the urge to reply, unfertilized. That's awesome. Alright. Peeps are disgusting. They are disgusting. That's a gross food, by the way. I buy them every year because they're funny looking. I also like the idea that they're all joined together and they all seem so happy. And then to eat them, you have to rip them asunder like little Siamese twins.

Don't take me away from my brother. So nine of the weirdest Easter traditions around the world. Yeah. So one of these I want to talk about is from New Zealand. So if you scroll down a little bit. I'll get to it. That's all right, man.

We're on just a live show. Just make people watch you scroll. Well, the self-crucifixion in the Philippines is here. Yeah, we talked about that. Yeah, look at him walk down the street

with the crosses, though. Yeah, look at him walk past cars. Look at him walk past cars. Oh, if anyone needs me, I'll just be resurrecting an ancient fucking torture tradition past the car. You don't have to do this, guys.

You don't have to do this. He doesn't do it anymore. Someone asked, a skeptic asked, yay, you're coming to Australia as well. Yeah, we'll be there in November. We're going to be in Australia in November and New Zealand probably at some point too. Bunny killing in New Zealand. This is just so weird. So fluffy rabbits may be synonymous

with spring birth and joy, but in central Otago, New Zealand, they are classed as crop-destroying pests. An annual competition now in its 26th year recruits teams of hunters to participate in a 24-hour shoot-off with the aim of killing as many bunnies as possible. I've done the 24-hour shoot-off before.

Those are nice. I called that ages 15 through 19, right? I called it parents werehour shoot-off. The hells are nice. I called that ages 15 through 19. Right? I called it parents were out for the weekend. That was a 48-hour shoot-off. I was dehydrated. At the end of it. You're like, wait a minute.

We got Cinemax for no reason. Winston's coming. It's a little scrambled, but that's okay. My parents are like, where did all the lotion go? It was four bottles of it. A lot of lotion and tissues. This place smells weird in here.

Smells weird. So the record for rabbit killing is 23,000 of these things. 23,000? Presumably in a day. Presumably this is Easter day. They go out and fucking, how prolific are the fucking rabbits

that you can shoot 23,000 of these fucking things? Aren't they like full of predators? I guess they're not. I guess they don't have big predators like crocs, I guess. Or Australians. Well, yeah.

Like. I didn't say sexual predators. That is crazy to me. I don't just go. You know what it reminds me of? It reminds me of that Simpsons episode where they just kill snakes. It's just fucking snake killing day or whatever.

They just drive them in. Do you remember what I'm talking about? Snake whacking day? Snake whacking. Again, when my parents left for the weekend, that was snake whacking day. I set you right up for that. What can I do?

Chip it. Right. Boom. And actually, that's the... It was a lot closer to the body, but that was the motion. Did it make that sound? Depends on what rap I was on.

That's the sound it makes when it breaks. Oh, well, that doesn't work anymore. That's not for me. Skepti says rabbits are a pest. They are killed on site in rural Australia and New Zealand. I did know that. And,

and they have like rabbit proof fences and shit all through parts of Australia. What about, do they kill kangaroos on site? Not on site. They have to fist fight them first? On contact. Yeah.

It's a, it's a full contact. He's in that video. The guy punches. I'm punching that kangaroo. He jaws that thing. He punches. The kang punches. Punching that kangaroo. He just that thing. He fucking punches the kangaroo. The kangaroo's like surprised.

Like, what the fuck? And punches the thing. And it looks at him like, what's up? And then like he walks away from it. Because the kangaroos are constantly in the what's up position. They're all bros. They're all like, what's up? What's up?

That's fucking amazing. Oh, God. it's so funny. I saw a video posted. It's my Facebook right after it happened. Conor McGregor, who's a UFC fighter, as soon as he punches it, he punches the kangaroo and it looks at him and then he starts to walk away.

And somebody had video, like done like some video work where Conor McGregor jumps in and chokes the thing out right after. This is fucking amazing. Oh, God. How many Australians are on? And what time in the morning is it?

What day is it? Is it like five in the morning? Fucking Thursday or something over there? I don't even know if it's backward Thursday or frontward. We got a message too, Australians. Somebody said go to Adelaide

and then a bunch of people said don't go to Adelaide. So I want to of people said, don't go to Adelaide. So I want to know if I'm going to get raped or whatever if I go. I think it's how raped. Yeah, that's fair. How raped will I be when I go to Adelaide? Are you looking for more or less? Like, I just want to understand your...

Well, there's a pause. More. Lots, lots more. What's the capital where it's like fireworks and prostitution? Didn't it have like a weird name it's like capital city it's 7 a.m uh capital city or something what was it called yeah the capital it's australian capital city or something it's a weird name like that right it's where they can like buy hookers with weed or whatever it's like fireworks hookers and weed are illegal and nobody wants to go. You could trade fucking f***s for pussy there. They have a weird bar system

where you trade fireworks for weed and then they trade the weed for the vagina. You just got like a handful of bottle rockets and just like a hopeful grin on your face. Like, I don't know what happens here. I don't know what happens here. Just stand there on the corner waving your bottle rockets.

Oh, God. All right. Do we have any more? We do have a, you know, we did have a story that we didn't cover this week. Yeah, I think we had a couple. That was really funny. Let me see if I could find it. It's going to take a second stream. I apologize. I got to call up the other notes of stuff

we didn't do. We had Anthony Magnabosco on this last show, which is going to release tomorrow for the main audience. And that was actually a lot of fun. That guy was really nice. He was just in Chicago.

If you haven't checked out Anthony's YouTube page, it's on all the notes for tomorrow's show. Anthony does the street epistemology and he goes out and talks to people about their faith and about other stuff. And it was a really fascinating conversation.

Guy is really smart. Really, really nice guy too. Enjoyed his company. Yeah, for sure. Okay, so- Plus he's excellent at what he does. Like he's honed, you know, the street epistemology thing for,

you know, when you just read the manual for creating atheists or whatever, it's a good concept. But he's really the only person I've seen that's put it into practice and honed it and made it really kind of work for him. Yeah, for sure. All right.

So let's talk about this story because it's amazing. And it's Easter. You know, look, if you go to church and you miss the bunny, that's fine, but you don't want to go to church and miss the goblin. I don't think I want to read.

I want to try reading parts of this. Okay. Yeah, sure. So free. I'll scroll down to where you need to be. Just let me know when you need. So to go to church and miss the goblin. I don't think. I want to try reading parts of this. Okay, yeah, sure. Feel free. I'll scroll down to where you need to be. Just let me know when you need to scroll. All right, so we got to introduce it.

What is this from? Where is this fucking from? It's from a weird like- Naharanda Fondu. Naharanda Radio. Okay, I don't know what I said. Yeah, that's exactly- Naharanda Fonda.

That's exactly what you said. Yeah, I think I nailed it. Sha-na-na-na-na-na. I think it's what you said. All right, so I'm just going to go ahead and read this. I don't want to- No, I understand. I had to lean in here. I'm 100 nailed it. Sha-na-na-na-na-na. I think it's what you said. All right. So I'm just going to go and read this. I don't want to. No, I understand. I don't lean in here.

I'm 100 years old. A self-proclaimed Sikkimatawanda from Makaba 20 in Gowaru who recently confessed to using necromancy drawn from marine spirits. You never confess

to using necromancy. Right? Deny, deny, deny just never give that up. Never give that up. What the fuck? Using necromancy drawn from marine spirits. Okay,

no, no, no. I got to stop you. What? In the stream, somebody just put this. This is their name. This can't be real. This is someone just typing.

There's no way that that's their real name. What? What? That's great. skip a drong skip okay come on that yeah no that's a real that's a real thing that hit enter hit enter search that fucking thing yeah that's it yeah i thought it was fucking swedish i thought actually to be honest i thought it was a lake there It's Icelandic

It's just a name of one of their mountains or something It's probably something that blew up Like oh we blew up another skip Or whatever Oh somebody's real useful Oh it's 2200 hours in the UK No how many o'clocks please How many o'clocks, please?

How many o'clocks? I don't want to do math. 2200. What are you, in the fucking military? No. Get that shit out. All right. Now I got to read this again.

All right. So a self-proclaimed Tisika Makawanda from Makaba 20 in Gowaru. I think I killed that man. Who recently confessed to using necromancy drawn from marine spirits to kill people and perform cleansing ceremonies.

So that's that guy. That's that guy. Now he is accusing a Pentecostal church leader of withholding his goblins. My favorite part of this whole thing. For personal use. You know, the worst part about that is you have to write that off on your taxes and be like, these are personal use goblins.

There's like a 1067 or something for these personal use goblins. Like he would be everything about this. I love this. As if he would be less upset if you were using them professionally. Can I have my goblins back? No, man. They're like, they're like working for me. Yeah, man.

They're doing an audit on Trump's taxes right now. They're on a project right now, goblining or something. Like, I don't know what they would be doing. You have them for personal, like a personal use goblin.

What the fuck would the goblin do for you? What would it do? I mean, I'd let it raise my kids, but like, what would good people do with it, right? And this guy, the guy who wants his goblins back

is a guy who's a self, he's a tikka-mawaka-masala or whatever. Tikka-waka-masala. Tikka-waka-masala. Delicious. Who is a self-proclaimed murderer who uses marine spirit necromancy.

I feel like at that point you kind of lay low, right? Like maybe you don't make a big fuss about who took your goblins. I like that the church is like, oh, so you got some murdering goblins. Cool, we'll use those of lay low, right? Like maybe you don't make a big fuss about who took your goblins. I like that the church is like, oh, so you got some murder and goblins. Cool. We'll use those. Can I have them back? No. I'll go to the papers.

I'll tell everyone. God damn it. This will not stand. You shall not pass. Who took my bullfrog? Back to the Easter story. back to the Easter story back to the Easter story except for he doesn't die or he does die and then he comes back right

and he comes back whiter because who wouldn't if they had the choice right oh that's wasist yeah so I mean really just it's like a tug of war over goblins that's wasist. Yeah. So, I mean, like really just,

it's like a tug of war over goblins. That's what's going on here. That's really much it. That's it. Somebody had said, somebody responded to how late it was. They said it's 22 p.m.

Oh, man. Well, we have one more story. Let me go. Let me go call that up if I can find my cursor. There it is. Oh. I want to read this while you're doing that. Quote, I used to be a traditional healer using goblins and marine spirits. I then decided to repent and he baptized me so I can leave my evil doings.

He was a healer. Also, what do you do with a goblin to heal somebody? Like just rub the goblin on them? Like what? I genuinely don't know. I know. I'm really curious. I use my goblins for something completely different.

Well, now they're being used for personal use. So fucking jerk off goblins or whatever. You just look at him. You're like, service this. Get on it, Goblin. The fuck do I pay you for, fucking Goblin? Like guarding your money in

Gringotts or something? Like, what the fuck? You want to do a molestation case? I don't know why I even want to answer that question. Do you want to do another molestation case? Now that question I'll answer. This is from Jacksonville.com.

Oh, Jacksonville. That really is a terrible, terrible place. Yeah, no, yeah, that's where. Yeah, last time I was in Jacksonville, by the way, I went down to Jacksonville for a work trip, stayed in a very nice hotel for Jacksonville. And yeah, the devil fucking stays there. And as I was,

the cabbie was driving me to the hotel and there was police tape and fucking sirens and all this shit was cordoned off. You're from Chicago. You shouldn't be desensitized. I fucking yawned. I was like, eh, whatevs. And I was like, oh man, we must be in the bad part of Jacksonville, right? And then no shit.

He turned around, fucking went like a quarter of a block down an alley and then was at my hotel. And I was like, oh. And so from the lobby, I could see- You could smell the burning. Right. So two people had been shot and one had been killed within fucking sight of the lobby of the hotel I was staying at. And I was like, great. Was it a nice hotel too? It is a super nice hotel, but they warn you not to leave. Oh my God. They warn you

to take cars. Jake Farwharton, friend of the show, Jake. Never heard of him. He says, Australian capital territory. That is the least creative way to name your capital. This is where the

leaders live. Australian capital territory. Hi, Jake. We miss you. Hope you're doing well. I don't miss him. I do. I like Jake. I like Jake.

I'm just fucking around. We'll see you. He's probably getting hit by a bus or something right now. We should definitely hang out, though, if we can. I know he doesn't drink beer, but we can maybe buy him a vodka or something when we're down there. Yeah, something gluten-free. Yeah, yeah.

Maybe he has a gluten sensitivity. We should ask Smalley and find out how that works. Does Smalley know about gluten sensitivity? You know, I hear he's an expert on these subjects. We should ask Smalley and find out how that works. Does Smalley know about gluten sensitivity? You know, I hear he's an expert on these subjects. Let's ask him on Facebook. I don't know. Ask him about it. Everybody tweet at David Smalley. You've got to do this on Facebook.

Don't tweet at David Smalley. Just leave him alone. He's very busy. He's on Podcast 7 or something. Actually, I think it's Podcast 5 2. I think very busy. He's on Podcast 7 or something. No, I think it's actually Podcast 5-2. I think that's what he's on. Oh my God. Let's talk about molestation for a minute. Enough with the little people.

No, I mean midgets. I mean smallies. Alright, so this is from Jacksonville.com. We are the lollipop kids. Now this must be in the crime section, otherwise known as the front page. Jerry finds Pastor Kenneth Adkins guilty of eight charges in child molestation cases. Huh, I guess eight is enough. Oh, you were saving that one. It was.

I can tell you were hiding that one in your pocket. All right, so the reason I grabbed this story when we were looking is this is the same guy who after the nightclub shootings, this guy came out and publicly said, yeah, they got what they deserved.

They got what they deserved. Incidentally, child molester. Well. So it's almost like terrible people be terrible. Look, here's the thing. They were 15

and they fucked each other. Fair enough. Yeah. But he watched it and he encouraged it. But he is right. So it's not like he's balls deep in a four-year-old. But really horrible situation. Right.

Equally horrible situation. When he has two very vulnerable people who are looking up to him as a preacher. And he has them have sex in front of him multiple times. Multiple, multiple times. And they don't seem happy. No, one of them for sure is not cool with it. I was a little young

for that. I was a little young to be voyeuristically fucking in front of the pastor. You know what age that's okay at? No age. There's not an age where you're just like, I think I'm going to go ahead and fuck in front of the pastor because it's always a power dynamic, right?

There's always a weird power dynamic. I disagree. Do you? I think 18. I think the moment you're an adult in the place where you live. What's going on there? I'm pulling my fucking headphones off my head. The moment you're an adult in the place that you live, you can do whatever you want with your body. And if that includes other people who want to have a cheering section for you, then you do what you got to do.

I would agree normally. But I think like I do think something changes when you have somebody in a position of authority kind of egging you on. You know, I think when somebody in a position of authority is sort of pushing and prodding because it changes things. The power dynamic. Again, though, there's not an equality to even yourself in that position as a as an adult. You put yourself in that dynamic, meaning you go to the church, you go to the church and you put yourself.

All right. That's different. I feel like, you know, once you're an adult, you know, you can pretty much, you know, are you an adult at 15, though? No, you're not an adult. And you're not an adult there at 15. Right. Right. You're an adult at 15 though no you're not an adult and you're not an adult there at 15 right right you're an adult at 16 down there i like how that changes depending on how down there you are yeah right well you ever you ever notice it tends to be what is it i don't know what it is

here we could ask keith he would know yeah but i don't know what it is here he's clearly ignoring ignoring it. Podcast war. Yeah, yeah. But just a horrible, horrible person to do that. And then, you know, he does not feel like, it sounds like he's not terribly remorseful in this article either. He's just like, no. And his lawyer even is like trying to argue that they were 16 at the time. Yeah. And his lawyer says, look, spite of it being gross, disgusting, or vile, this is not a crime. But then earlier in the article, the accused was like, yeah, I just really want to make sure this never happens to anybody else. That would be really great if this just never fucking happened to anybody else.

Sure. And again, it's the same guy who said about the Pulse nightclub shooting. They had that coming. And this is a he's just like a fucking terrible person. Terrible. Walking around terrible. Terrible. Terrible. He's verbing the word terrible. He's that bad. Emily says

the power dynamic is why doctor-patient relationships are verboten. Now, they're verboten in the sense that that's an ethical thing but not a legal thing, right? I don't think that there's any... I don't know. I mean, I don't know either. That's why I'm phrasing it like that's why at the end of my sentence, I went up. That's a question. I got that. I'm also echoing the question, motherfucker. Yeah, I don't know. I genuinely don't. I don't think it. It doesn't sound like it would be a law, but maybe, you know,

maybe something like you can't fuck a chicken on Wednesday law or something. Wait, wait, wait. I got to make a note. Really? Like in all states? You did a bunny today.

Tricks are for kids. Well, we're at 418. So we've been on for about, well, a little less than a little more than an hour. We came on a little late and a little strong. We are going to be at ReasonCon this week. We are. Isn't that crazy? Yeah.

So if Ari's there, Ari, we'll see you. We'll see Ishmael Pellohands. We will. We'll see Noah Heath and Eli and their significant others. Thomas and Andrew will be there. Thomas and Andrew will be there. Callie? Is Callie going to be there? I think Callie's going to be there. I thought I saw

that Callie said she was going to be there. I think everyone's going to be there. Esme says that they can lose their license, so it's more an ethical thing, like sort of standards within. But yeah, it should be 10 years of your life fucking 10 years of grueling

arduous labor and fucking whatever so we'll be down there hanging out so if you're down at ReasonCon come find us I know that we were at the bar for an extended length of time last time. So...

I don't remember much of last time. I've read that it was fun. I remember the second night better than the first night. The first night, I was pretty wasted. The second night, I didn't drink as much and they had a big party inside of that one room. And I hung out in there and there was like noah played piano and juggled like at the same time for a while and then uh i hung out in

that room for a while and then uh afterwards there was like a there's like a big deal going on so it was a lot of fun we had a good time last time um we went with david michael last time and we went to visit oral roberts university is that where we went? We did, but I think they were closed or something. Yeah, the gates were closed. We just took a selfie with the sign and left. Cause it's just as fucking well, I wasn't going to go there.

Maybe it was a library dedicated to him. I don't remember. Was it Oral Roberts? I don't remember. Or was it one of those? I know it was one of those guys. It was one of those fucking guys. I don't know.

Fucking who cares? Billy Graham was, I want to say it was Billy Graham. Wasn't it like a whole like Billy Graham expressway? Yeah. Asmay says, is it in Hickory, North Carolina? Nope. Yeah. A lot of people actually, this is something we had, hadn't considered someone on Twitter had sent us a message and said, Hey,

just so you know, North Carolina still has that shitty bathroom bill, which I fucking totally fucking forgot about. Cause it's fucking North Carolina. So I forget about North Carolina. It's like, Oh, you don't follow North Carolina closely? So I was like, okay, as soon as I saw that, I was like, fuck. Well, you can't back out because you've already committed. So what we're going to do is we're going to, Tom and I are going

to donate. We're going to take our receipts when we're down there. We're going to add it all up and then we're going to donate double that to the Trevor Project when we come back. They are going to get so much money. Because we, I really feel bad about going to a state that does sort of promote that shit. I didn't realize it. It's something that fucking completely slipped my mind. I wasn't even thinking about it.

But we will definitely be donating some money to the Trevor Project when we come back. Because fucking I don't want to. I don't know. It's like a way to fucking wash the stink of North Carolina off you. It's a carbon offset. At this point, visiting the South requires an ethical carbon offset. Exactly. That's where we're at with your fucking... Disgusting.

This show also is going to be... I'm going to take the audio from this show, hopefully, to make this Thursday show. So if you see a Thursday show this week, it might be our live broadcast. I don't know why you would want to listen to it twice if you're watching us now, but we're going to probably put that up as a Thursday show this week. And then we'll have a brand new show on Monday. We will actually be recording it though

before we leave to go to ReasonCon. We're going to be recording it before we leave. So when we come back, the next week will be the show when we come back from ReasonCon. We're going to be recording it before we leave. So when we come back, the next week will be the show when we come back from ReasonCon. Ari says, don't worry, kids. Me and all my other trans friends will be peeing wherever the fuck we please. Someone's going to piss on that

bar. I guarantee it. That's just gross. Just use a bathroom. I don't care which one. Just please. I mean, I don't, like, trans or not, there's still some standards for decorum. Just please. I mean, I don't, like, trans or not, like, there's still some standards for decorum. Jesus Christ. All right, so Tom, do you want to try to read the Skeptic's Creed? Yeah, sure, hang on.

Do I have to call it up? Oh, yeah. I mean, read it on the big board. Yeah, so I'm gonna, Tom's gonna read the Skeptic's Creed, and then we're gonna bounce house out of here. Thanks for joining us, String. Thank you so much. Happy Easter to people who care about it. I know none of you do but hope you hopefully you ate a feast or some sort of

today and enjoy the rest of your day I'm gonna go to a feast every day all right let's go to our website let's call up hey we have a website it's down at the bottom right skeptics creed maybe maybe

oh there is about us about us skeptics creed I have to zoom in on this fucking thing Skeptics' Creed, maybe? Maybe... Oh, there it is. About Us. About Us. Skeptics' Creed. I'm going to have to zoom in on this fucking thing. Alright, so do I have to scroll, too? You have to zoom in and scroll for me. Oh, Jesus Christ. I've got to follow this? You want to hold it while I pee, buddy? Alright, stream. Happy Easter.

Thanks for joining us today, guys. And gals. And Ari. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno Babylon bullshit. Couched in, scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo quasi alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain deadpan, sales pitch, late night info docutainment. Leo Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage,

death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques, and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witchers, wizards, vaccine nuts. Shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy,

double-speak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. Can we talk about the dolphinsphins for a second? We need to. Glory to old guys.

Take care, guys. Bye. We love you. Don't leave. The opinions and information provided on this podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. All opinions are solely that of Glory Hole Studios, LLC. Cognitive dissonance makes no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information and will not be liable for any errors, damages, or butthurt arising from consumption. All information is provided on an as-is basis. No refunds.

Produced in association with the local dairy council and viewers like you. All right. Cecil, which of the following is a real attempt to clean up and contain Chernobyl? Chernobyl! It's a Chernobyl! Chernobyl! C-H-E-R-N-O-B-L-E C-H-E-R-N-O-B-L-E For those wondering at home. Oh, it's actually got a well, why in it? Fuck you, Russia.

I thought it was Cher Noble. Like Cher as a woman. Let me right click on that for you, Eli. Do you think that underlined red thing says like, it's excited about the word you have? If only anywhere else in the Chernobyl disaster document,

the word Chernobyl had appeared for reference. I like to think of the red squiggly line as italics. Because I don't know what italics is. All right.