Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 356: Offsetting the Bigotry Footprint

Episode Date: May 1, 2017

Stories covered in episode:       

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from glory Hole Studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political. And there is no welcome at. This is episode

356 of Cognitive Dissonance. Cecil, you are, you were, you're not anymore, holding in your hand one of the many gifts. One of the many gifts. That we received when we were down at ReasonCon. So we have survived our trip to the South.

Yeah. And one of the many gifts, the most important gift I received was the gift of love from other people. That's chlamydia. That's not love. That's chlamydia. That's why it hurts when you pee. Yeah, I get confused about the same thing. I'm like, thanks for the love. Now I got a drippy dick.

I just thought anything that makes my bits tingly is the thing that's love. Also, icy hot, not love. Okay, all right. That's fair. That's just not the case, right? It was really nice to run into people down there, people we hadn't seen in a long time. Other podcasters, which was a lot of fun.

And then we saw Gam Live and we announced the show. The new citation needed is on Patreon. So we announced there and played a clip. And the live Gam was a lot of fun. Thomas Smith was... Thomas Smith was almost funny. I am still a little worried about the Indian baby. It's so mean. He was almost

funny. He was hilarious on there. Yeah, if you don't think things are funny, he was great. He fucking killed it. I laughed. I thought he was awesome. The screaming. Yeah, When he did scream like a woman in trouble, it was great. It was so funny. His scream

sounds like a rape whistle. I think he's just so used to hearing it. He can mock it. It's like when a bird, you take pictures of the bird and it can mock the camera. Thomas just knows what that sounds like so yeah seriously reason con was great reason con was a lot of fun we went to the waffle house so i still have a stomach ache that's good i've been shitting pretty much

constantly ever since i left i just you ordered the wrong food you gotta order the like breakfast foods you gotta order the uh check and go somewhere else. I love that that's the only place down there that Eli can eat. Even the buffet down there, he walks out and he goes out and you just see his sad Eli face like, wah, wah. He can't eat anything. He had to eat a salad. He had two

salads that night, poor guy. God, I don't even know. Salad is what your food eats. I know. That's terrible. Then he had to go across the street and eat a Waffle House. Fuck. Oh, God. It was a lot of fun. My favorite part of Waffle House was right as I got the bill, I paid the bill.

And the lady asked a few minutes before, like, what are you guys doing down here? What's your thing? And we said, we're at a non-believer conference across the road. People aren't religious. She said, oh, okay. And then she gives me the check. She's like, have a blessed day. It was like, cool story. I will say it's true what they say about the South.

Things just move a little slower down there. It was evident. And they move a little slower because the people down there are a was evident. And they move a little slower because the people down there are a little slow. You know, it seems self-evident. Clearly by the people that rent you a vehicle

down in Charlotte. We were talking about this though. Every single fucking rental place sucks. Every single rental place sucks, but I have never encountered a level of organized disinterest. That's the perfect word for it. So deep

outside of a sex partner. It took that guy. It took that guy. It took that guy way longer to type my name in than it would for me to come in and disinterested sex partner. This is no shit. Cecil gives this person

a credit card and his license. And this guy typed the great American novel into whatever machine. One key at a time. Click. He hunted and packed the entire thing

and it took him... He's still typing. It took him like 45 minutes. And it's so funny because there's a bunch of people that sort of show up. And they start to push you over because they think they're next. Right.

Right. And so he's still typing my shit in. They're like pushing over, pushing over, pushing over because they want to be next and they want to get their car and they want to go because I step away for a second. I'm like, I'm talking to you. You're sitting down. I walk away for a second. I come back.

There's a lady who's taking over my position. She's like, no, you're on the line now. And I was like, well, that's fine. I don't care. He's already got my shit. I'm good. And then... His man clearly is not going to multitask. So I stand over to the side and she's standing there looking right at him, waiting for him to be like,

hello, ma'am. I'm ready to help you. And he looks at her a couple times, keeps typing for five straight minutes. And then he turns and he looks around her and he's like, sir, the car will be here in a few minutes, blah,

blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, do you want to fill out the paperwork now? Or do you want to wait until he's like, we'll do it now. You need to sign.

And the fucking thing lights up and she's standing right in front of it. She kind of like nervously, like she had already jumped. It was the most awkward, weird Seinfeld like experience I've ever had in my life. And then I do also want to point out that at the car rental place, they had to go get our car. the most awkward, weird, Seinfeld-like experience I've ever had in my life. And then I do also want to point out that at the car rental place, they had to go get our car.

From the airport. From another place. And it took them about six weeks. I've never... It was just an amazing experience. Like I said, everything happens a little slower in the South, mostly because their fucking brains are full of molasses. I've never had a good experience at a car rental place. I've never had a good experience in the South. mostly because their fucking brains are full of molasses. I've never had a good experience at a car rental.

I've never had a good experience in the South. That's fair. ReasonCon, though, I do want to say ReasonCon, put on by those guys down there, Gene and the group down in North Carolina. Great group of guys. They're on the front lines

fighting against all the stuff, all the religious stuff, and then also how the religion works its way into our culture and our laws, you know, all the LGBT rights stuff. They're on the front lines down there helping and fighting. And we got a message from someone a while back that was like, hey, what are you going to do? Like, you're going down to North Carolina. And it's something I hadn't even considered. Go to North Carolina and get me spending all your money. I'm like, well, fuck. Yeah, you're right. I didn't even consider it. It didn't even cross my mind. And so I said, we'll pay double what we spend

to a national gay charity because it was something that we just didn't even consider. And while we gave some money to Gene, some money went to them. A lot of the money went to the hotel. A lot of money went to the other stuff. So I just added up all our expenses today. And today we donated money to the Trevor Project,

double what we spent down there. Because it's, you know, we talked about the carbon footprint. Let's offset that carbon footprint of, you know, bad government and that sort of thing. It's like a bigotry footprint. Exactly.

We offset our bigotry footprint. In the name of Jesus, we speak that. footprint. In the name of Jesus, we speak that. All right. So this story is from the Daily Beast. Polygamous Mormon church allowed to keep its police force. And I read this and I thought, like, you know, what do these guys need their own fucking police force for? You know, like, are they worried someone's going to kidnap one of their 75,000 children or one of their dozens of wives?

Yeah. Yeah. Like, I mean, they're already allowed to domestically beat like the first half dozen of them. Right. It's ridiculous.

Look at how inbred they look. Look at them. They all just don't you hide your face from me, sir. Don't you hide. Look at this picture. Look at this fucking Don't you hide your face from me, sir. Don't you hide. Look at this picture. Look at this fucking picture and tell me that they all have the right number of

fingers and toes. They do not. I can't guarantee that. That woman's hiding it. That one on the right, she can swim very quickly because of the webbing. You know what I mean? We're just saying that they're garbage people. Right. They're garbage, filthy garbage people.

But you are right that they have their own police force. So we'll roll this back a little. And it's an interstate police force. That's weird. It's super weird. It's an interstate kind of religious police force. Not kind of. I mean, it's a religious police force that crosses boundaries.

And then they were just like, as long as you follow some of the laws, it's fine. Go ahead. Well, they messed up at one point. The group messed up and it said that the officers will be required to attend annual training sessions to ensure they comply with the federal laws and don't discriminate against the community. And at one point they're talking about in this article that they're facilitating child abuse because they're marrying young people and they're sort of enforcing that those people get married.

And I was thinking, you know, instead of going to mandatory annual training sessions, they should go to sort of early child development sessions so they know when the child development sessions. So they know when the child's ripe. You know what I mean? Like no one, they're like perfect for picking. Is it like an avocado? Like it only ripens off the, out of the womb? It's like peak freshness. You know what I mean? They'll know, they'll know exactly when that happens. Like one hair, boink, they're like, yep. You like walk up, you gotta like press your

thumbnail into it. And if it kind of sticks in there. Yeah. Then, you know, kind of sniff, kind of grab the kid and kind of give it a good sniff. Or smash its face open. One or the other. I don't know. You know, I read this thing. You grabbed an avocado and it's been bruised before.

I mean, come on. These people. When I grab an avocado, I guarantee it's bruised. When they grab a child, they guarantee it's bruised. When they grab a child, they guarantee it's bruised too. Yeah. I love the idea that they police themselves. This is part of that small creek or short creek or up the creek or whatever the fuck they call it. Short bus.

It's like, yeah, right. It's a 7,500 person community that does cross some state lines. It's part of the fundamentalist Church of Latter-day Saints. FLDS, is that what it is? Those lunatics. But I love the idea, too, that they get to start their own police force across the state lines, and then they have to

go to a training called You Should Probably Follow the Law. They're supposed to enforce the law! Are they, though? I mean, isn't that kind of what a police force is supposed to do? Yeah, but they're like a private security. They're like the Pinkertons. They're like the religious Pinkertons, man.

How is this a thing? They are the Pinkertons. They're like double state troopers. You can come up and be like, meow. Like, what? This is crazy to me that they would even have such a force. This is the same group that had that Warren Jeffs guy who was like a fucking mob boss running this shit from jail for a while. Right, yeah. Isn't he still running it from jail?

I don't know if he's still running it from jail, but I know for sure that he was for a while running it from jail. It's crazy to me that such a force a, that such a force even exists. I don't even understand why you'd want to be in control of these people. You know, like if you're going to have like 75 wives, couldn't have one of them attractive. I'm just saying what I'm saying is they're all ugly. You know,

and the other thing too, when you look at this, when you look at this photo, why have a police force? This woman looks like an offensive line. I think you should have a football team. We Lord, we just asked it to be covered with the blood of Jesus.

Open hearts, Lord, open hearts. All right. It's from the New York daily news. Hey, let's do a molesting story time. Yeah,

man. Like which one? The previous one was kind of a molesting story. They're all molesting stories. Here we go. Oh, Jesus. Oh,

molesting. Never hurt. Former Ohio mayor. But the mol go. Oh, Jesus. Well, molesting never hurt anybody. Former Ohio mayor. But the molestee, I guess. Yeah, molesting hurts lots of people, actually. Molestee. Are you the molestor or the molestee?

Was it Ohio where that crazy woman... It was Toledo. It was Toledo, Ohio that she was... It was something Covey was her name. Yes! Covey. Still one of my very favorite things I've ever listened to. She was amazing. She was the best.

So Ohio's just fucked. Former Ohio mayor. Can we pause for a second? I'm already stuck there. Ohio's not a place that would have a mayor. That's a whole state. He's the mayor of the town. I guess that's true. You're right. But former Ohio mayor who called himself dedicated Christian

admits the molesting girl called her willing participant Cecil. How old was the girl? She was four. And what happened? Let's not jump to conclusions here, Tom. Let's not jump to conclusions. I want to read what happened? Let's, I mean, let's not jump to conclusions. Let's, let's not jump to conclusions.

I want to read what happened. Four. He said, the girl walked in on him in the bathroom and asked him if she could touch his pee pee. And he said he kissed and fondled and performed oral sex on the girl and let her kiss his genitals. The court docs say,

and she was four. And he's saying that she's a willing participant. A four-year-old can't have cake for breakfast. I know, right? A four-year-old can't decide to wear flippers and a sundress to school. Right? You know what I mean? Like, you can't dress like that today. You can't eat that right mean? You can't dress like that today.

You can't eat that right now. You can't cross the fucking street. You can't buy lottery tickets. All those things. You can't properly pronounce most words yet. You're fucking having paschetti still. You can't go on the roller coaster. You are not that high.

You are not tall enough to ride this or that ride. You're not tall enough to ride this or that ride. You're not tall enough to ride either of the rides. This would even be a defense that somebody would use, a dedicated Christian nonetheless. The idea that this would be a defense, like, well, she asked me if she could touch her pee-pee. It doesn't even matter whose pee-pee gets touched or who asked for touching of pee-pees.

Well, you're just like, well, I didn't know what to say. I mean, she's clearly in charge. She's a four year old girl. She has to drive the car. I just let her. What the fuck? I just tossed the keys to her. Hey, pick me up a pack of smokes while you're at the gas station.

God damn. Why? You know, there's like a moment where you just be like, yeah, I just I'm just the worst. I'm just going to hang myself in my jail cell. She asked if she could shoot her brother in the face. For fuck's sake, why would you even say out loud that that's your fucking excuse or defense or fucking whatever? The only step worse than that is saying that she wanted it. I mean, that is.

But like saying that she was asking, like asking for it in a sense. Maybe if she hadn't dressed so provocatively in her pull-ups. She had a diaper on and it was asking for it. You look at that guy, he looks exactly like a child molester looks, right? Don't you look at that guy and just immediately convict him? You don't even have to file charges.

You get to convict a guy that looks like that. He's like, get to jail. You are in jail now. We'll figure out what for later. Looks like a human version of Troopy the dog. I do believe that atheists are parasites in the sense they're benefiting from everything that religious culture is built in America, but they're doing nothing to add energy into the system.

All right. This story is from the Progressive Secular Humanist blog over at Patheos. into the system. Alright, this story is from the Progressive Secular Humanist blog over at Patheos. San Antonio Mayor says atheism causes poverty. Very briefly, this is, again, from the mayor

of a city that thinks that having a river in it with a couple of chain restaurants next to it makes the city great. Like, that's the chief fucking attraction of San Antonio is look, over there. Everybody on our side died and they've got a river walk.

I thought I thought the attraction for San Antonio was there's like five liberals that live there. Right. Well, and you get to kill them. That's the attraction, right? It's like running. They just have like a running of the liberals. That's just they open up the floodgates.

No, what they do is they have to paddle boat down the river as fast as they can. Have you ever been to San Antonio? I've never been to Texas. I've never set foot in Texas in my life. I've been to a number of cities in Texas. Oh. I know. I know. I'm trying to avoid it again in the future. I spent almost a week in San Antonio.

Wow, a whole week. Yeah, I went for a vacation in the summer. What? My kid wanted to go to SeaWorld, and I didn't want to go to Florida. But yeah, San Antonio, seriously, the chief attraction is the Alamo. How many whales do they have? At SeaWorld? Just one.

Then it's like floating, half floating. Once in a while, they get a stick and they push it down it looks like get in there and it sort of does one of those sort of starts to right itself and then goes back belly up again no y'all it's still alive look at its tail move hey bill move its tail no man those whales are well kept in their thimble of water it's fine it's not at all spectacularly abusive they they love jumping for prizes like they do in the wild jumping for price you get a brand new bucket of fish i'll tell you where i'll never go back to yeah it's fucking sea world after you go to sea world i remember as a kid it was great i go as an brand new fucking fish. I'll tell you where I'll never go back to. Yeah.

It's fucking SeaWorld. After you go to SeaWorld, I remember it as a kid. It was great. I go as an adult. It's fucking depressing as shit. You spend like a million dollars to look at fish. And like most of the fish,

they're just like, I'm so unhappy. I'm so unhappy. They're just like, kill me, kill me, kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Fucking horrible. It's fucking horrible.

Yeah, we went there for some time. But San Antonio has, it's just, it's a fucking shitty city. It has a river that runs through it and everyone's fucking impressed. Like, oh my God, water that's flowing. You're like, yeah, we have that in the real parts of the country and no one even cares. They put a bunch of fucking TGI Fridays or some shit next to it. And everyone's like, oh my God, it's a cultural Mecca. And it's like, no, this is a wasteland.

This is an actual literal wasteland. This is some Mad Max style fucking hellscape. And you guys are like, oh, I had a fucking 32 ounceounce Miller Lite next to this tepid fucking slow-flowing water. I'm so happy. It's a garbage city. Is it a terrible city? It's terrible. Well, the mayor there...

The mayor's a good, shitty person. The mayor had this to say about poverty. They were asked about systemic change. They were asked, what are the deepest systemic cause of generational poverty? And the answer was, to me, it's broken people, people not being in a relationship with their creator and therefore not in good relationships with their families and their communities and not being productive members of society. I think that's the ultimate answer that they said. They also at first said, well, this doesn't have to have anything to do with me.

And then backtracked on that and said this long, shitty statement. And I think when somebody answers a question like that, this is a type of person who I think doesn't think there's any outside factors on being a human, right? They think, you know, look at all the things that they list there. That's all internal, right? It's all, it's all shit you chose, right? You chose not to have a relationship with your creator. You're, you're not in a good relationship with your family. It's all stuff that you did, you know what I mean? Like there's, there's no outside forces there. Right. And they think the same thing for rich people, right? There's no outside forces. There's no incredible luck to being rich. There's no, um, generational advantage to being rich. There's no, um, internal privilege of,

you know, where you live, who, who you are, uh, what color you are, et cetera. There's none of that, right? To them, it's all just you. Yeah. Right. And the same thing goes for poor people. It's all just you. It's your fault. You're poor because it's your fault. Not that you didn't have any advantages in life. Not that you didn't do any of this stuff. And I say that, I say all this as a bootstraps guy, right? Like I am an actual bootstraps guy. I didn't have a lot of advantages growing up. Now, granted, I was white. I was suburban. I had, I did have some advantages, but I didn't have a lot of advantages. I didn't have all the advantages. I certainly wasn't Jared Kushner. I look back on all that and I think

how incredibly fucking lucky I was to get to the point where I am now. Now I'm not rich. I'm not a rich human being, but I'm not, I'm not struggling like, like generationally. I probably should be right. I'm not in those positions. Did it take some hard work on my part? Maybe, maybe, you know, I'm sure it did. And I look back and yeah, there was some hard work. I did, I did participate in that. I did push forward in some of that, but I also got incredibly lucky throughout my life. You know what I mean? There's, there's, there's, there were forces outside forces, outside forces. And these people don't think they're, those things exist. And it's like, like as a person who has overcome some adversity in my life, I look back on that and I think, I was so super lucky and I recognize that those things, none of that was possible without a stepstool.

None of that was possible without, you know, a lot of good people helping me do that stuff. Because I didn't do it by myself. And that's why the bootstraps is a myth, right? That's why it's a, you don't do it on your own right she doesn't even understand the fucking question no she has to ask about it she was asked about generational poverty and then she responds in a way that doesn't address generational poverty she didn't understand what systemic change is i think because she had to ask what the word was in the in the in the video she stops can't repeat the word was. In the video, she stops, can't repeat the question back to them and has to have them repeat the question back.

So I don't think she knows what systemic cause of generational poverty means. That is fucking... So then just don't answer the question. If you don't understand the question, don't answer the question, right? But don't give some bullshit answer called, it's busted fucking people. Yeah. Right? It's people who don't give some bullshit answer called it's busted fucking people

yeah right it's people who don't like it's people who don't have a relationship with god yeah people my relationship with god oh is that the reason that my parents were poor and i grew up in a poor neighborhood that had shitty and unsafe schools which is crazy right fucking that poor people are more often religious religious anyway right that's it's like, it's broken people. The reason I'm broke, the reason that I'm in poverty according to her, and I'm not in poverty, but the reason that I would be in poverty is because my father was in poverty,

my father's father was in poverty, and his father's father was in poverty. That's what generational poverty is. Just like it's easier to be rich if you come from wealth. It is easier to be fucking poor if you come from poverty. Absolutely. The greatest predictor of your fucking future financial success is the financial success of your parents in either direction.

Yeah. That's the greatest fucking predictor. Control for all other factors. She doesn't even understand the fucking question. But then she blames the people that are poor anyway. So what is she saying? This is the mayor of a fucking city, a pretty good-sized city. And she's belying, she's saying

like, well, you know what? It's fucking your fault. Hello, Nakba. Hello, Wepa. Hello, Wepa. Hello, Wepa. This story comes from Yahoo. Three Pakistani women confessed to killing man over blasphemy.

But at least it happened in Islamabad, which is... Well, it's not called Islamagood. Come on now. We knew something was going to happen. You know, they probably did this for political reasons when they confessed to killing... Oh, yeah, yeah. Ask Rezla Aslan if this was political reasons why they killed a guy who confessed to being a blasphemer. Fled, came back, they killed him.

And then one of them says, I'd have killed him before if I could have found him. Right. The only reason they didn't kill him earlier is because he ran away from people trying to kill him. Right. Because he blasphemed and was a political dissident, I guess. I don't know. It's one of those crazy stories that you read, Tom. And the first thing I think is like, this is a nuclear country.

Like, they have nukes. They have nukes and they kill human beings for saying bad things about God. Yeah, and I want to point out too, it sounds like he's just crazy. When you read this story, he sounds like he's probably a guy who's mentally ill.

He went into a mosque. That's a different guy. Oh, it is? Yeah, it's a different guy. Also, Friday, a mob tried to kill the mentally disturbed man. You know, sometimes, Cecil, I get mixed up on who, which mob is trying to kill who for blasphemy over there. Oh. So forgive me for mixing up the fucking stories.

Oh, for like, for like saying they're the same guy. See, because Tom, they not only killed one guy, then they also almost killed another guy. Yeah, you know what? It's almost like we shouldn't do it at all. And then we also almost killed another guy. Yeah, you know what? It's almost like we shouldn't do it at all, and then we're doing it too much, and so they do it so much it gets confusing

over which mob of lunatics is ending other people's lives over not thinking the thoughts that some other person wants you to think. That's what blasphemy is. Yeah. Like, blasphemy is a bullshit made-up crime. Who's hurt in blasphemy, right? Nophemy is a bullshit made up crime. Who's hurt in blasphemy, right? No, you're

blaspheming. Well, we gotta make that a crime. Wait, why? Who's hurt? Oh, God's hurt. I feel like God can take care of himself. He's good. Also, is this the creature that created the actual universe? Sure, yeah. It didn't exist until he thought of it. Right. It just was like, oh no, blah, lightning

bolts, and that's it And we're going to say fucking Meanie pants things to him I just am fucking Floored at the very idea of blasphemy This guy Was Mentally disturbed

Goes into a mosque and says to everybody Hey I'm actually your religious Leader I'm your god. And so they beat him until the police came. Yeah. And then the police show up and take him away and the crowd is so angry

that they can't kill him on sight. They attack the police station. Yeah. This is like fucking World War Z over here. You know what this is? This is like a Wild war z over you know what this is this is like a wild western yeah right where it's like you better send them out so we can lynch them for you lynch them right gosh yeah it is exactly that yeah it's it's like it's it's like oh you got dirty barton there you know like for fucking real for fucking real they're, like, the ye olde bars to a horse and slap it on its head. You got dirty ash raft in there?

You know what's crazy? Send him out. He said he was mo-handed. There's actually three incidents in this one article, actually. Because there's three women who shoot this guy, right? Sure. And actually, it sounds like they were disappointed because they all wanted to shoot him. And he died before they could all get a shot off.

Jesus, that's so disappointing. Right? It's like when you go to the kitchen and you're looking for a cupcake and all the cupcakes are gone. So, and then, this came, comes days later,

you know, after a mob lynched a university student over alleged blasphemy. And then, there's the mentally disabled guy on Friday. Also Friday. Also this game.

This one story, who's still alive over there? Like if you're not part of the mob, they just like, is he in the mob? It's almost like they got one of those spinny twister things to decide who dies. Oh, you're wearing orange. It's the fucking purge over there. You know, there is nothing normal about being a sodomite.

There is no life that will come out of a rectum. You cannot produce life. It's only death. Every time there's nothing in a rectum except waste, refuse and death. So this story comes from, I don't know, neckbeard.com. Where is this from? Logo now next, new now next? New now next, I don't know. I don't know. Meow, meow, meow.

Cheshire's president vows to eliminate gays by the start of Ramadan. That, by the way, is the end of May. May 26th. Wow. So gays are just, that's it. You're done. Just suck all the dick you can between now and May 26th. Yeah.

He's saying that they're going to have a, uh, the, a British foreign minister revealed the threat today during a parliament session about the ongoing purge of homosexuals in Chechnya. I guess you got to swallow a lot of gay men in private to want to purge them. You know what I mean? The binge part is fun, but the purge is not so great. So this is

delightfully contradictory. Not delightfully at all, actually. In Chechnya, more than 100 gay people have been reportedly detained and tortured in concentration camps. At least four have been believed to have been killed. So the president of Chechnya is rounding up gay men and throwing them in

basically in prisons and doing terrible shit. And then simultaneously saying there are no gay people in Chechnya. We don't have gay people. And then saying, but they'll all be gone by May 26th. The way I think it's written, the way it reads to me is that he's saying that other people are saying

that he wants to get rid of them by Ramadan, but he's saying they just don't even exist. This is the same thing that the Iranian guy said, though, too. When they quizzed him when he came to the States, Ahmadinejad, they said, you know, what about the gay people over there? What do we hear about this? He's like,

you're crazy. We don't have any gay people like they just don't exist and then they really do and they really you know they put them in jail and they fuck them up and then they force them to get sex changes like we found out oh god you know all kinds of other stuff so they try real hard to make them not exist yeah they do what they do they're damnedest to make sure they don't exist they work real hard i imagine this is going to be the exact same thing right like this guy you know and and what and what, and, and look at it. It's a Muslim country. Talking about like fucking Ramadan, you know?

I know. Why is this such a big deal there? Yeah. Well, probably for political reasons. Probably because all these gays are marching for science. Ready to stick it in the glory hole? Get links to their Facebook, Twitter, and if you still use it, Google Plus account at their website, dissonancepod.com.

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us. You fucking rock. This is from News Irish News. This is a weird name for something. News Irish News. Why is it just Irish News or New Irish news. Why is it just Irish news or new Irish news? Why is it news, Irish news? So you can sing it every time. It's so that they could sing it.

Dance, magic dance. Okay. Hidden files, real plight of the boy. Okay. Pause for a second. That scene when he's doing the dance magic dance, if you look, he's not wearing a cod piece or anything and he's got the tiny little like mushroom under there that he's wearing under his tights.

I saw this on the big screen downtown. They had at the Cisco and I watched, uh, I watched the labyrinth there and it's just, it's offensive how much it's in the camera. You miss it as a kid. You're not paying any attention to it. But as an adult,

you cannot tear your eyes away from his tiny penis in those tights. And it's so funny. He didn't even give it an Eli fluff before he went out. He didn't even fluff it. You look at it and you're just like, that's kind of pathetic, David. David,

you know, you're not packing more than three inches in there. It's pretty small. Maybe he's a grower, not a shower. I mean, look, it's David Bowie. So he doesn't, he could be fucking inverted and still get fucking laid.

But, whatever he's got is working for him. It was not impressive. You know, what I want to see is like, I mean, I don't want to see any of it really, but if you're going to show it, show it. Yeah, right. You know what I mean? Be loud, be proud.

You know, if we're going to clap our hands, it will make sure I hear it. You know what I mean? This fucking little dancing around thing, it's not good. Not good. So from News Irish News, hidden files reveal plight of the boys made into slaves.

Documents reveal the Christian brothers placed boys into servitude with Limerick's merchant princes. I don't care about this story. I just wanted to write a Limerick. Only reads from Limerick. This is it? This is it. Can we, let's talk about the story before you get into it.

Well, you gotta talk about the story. I have a Limerick prepared. I am stuck. What they did was they just gave these kids away as indentured servants and these poor kids had to just work and they didn't even get the money. They didn't even get paid.

But I mean, no party you can be surprised because let's be very blunt. Ireland's fucked up. Ireland is fucked up. In the last couple of years there's like the stories of like, particularly with regard to kids, it's like, oh yeah, single mothers, why don't you give birth over here? We'll throw your kids

in a ditch. Just squat over that ditch if you can. Yeah, just drop it right in there. We're actually going to build a building with that later. It's like a fucking cistern of baby corpses. Exactly. They like actually built foundations with baby corpses over there and then like we've covered other stories same thing ireland it's like oh yeah a bunch of fucking unwed mothers

guess who works in a laundry forever right again basically slaves yeah and then these kids it's like oh yeah i don't have any parents oh it's a great story you'll make a fine slave. What is with you people? What the fuck? Your country's so sad anyway. It is so sad. It's a sad place. It's just making it sadder. It's just like that sad Dublin violin just here no matter where you're at. So what's your limerick, Tom?

There once was a boy from limerick who was paid not a dollar for dick. They worked him around and passed him around and turned the boy out for a trick i don't have one you added in the notes right i did right and i tried and i can't do it so i'm not gonna do it all right i can't do it either but i did it anyway it's like i even read like the the thing to how you do it and it's like... I'm like, okay,

but I can't do that. I'm like, that's fine, but I can't find things that rhyme with this earlier thing that makes sense. I'm just like, it doesn't work. I tried four things and I was like, I gave up. I'm like, fuck it. You smashed your computer. I don't care. I don't care anymore. I would be terrible at learning the piano. I would take an ax to it at the end of the day.

I would be like, oh, I can't play chopsticks by the end of the day. I said, who's that guy on the other side of the glory hole? It's Jesus. Jesus, I love this story. This is from Right Wing Watch. Michael Reagan.

Men should sue women for sexual arousal. Yes, I am going to get so wealthy. I'm going to become incredibly wealthy. You got Andrew Torres on speed. I have quit my job. I need to sue another one, Andrew. Sowing an altar top today. Bunga da bunga da bunga da.

The trick is, you just go down to the financial district and find women in pencil skirts that make money working on the trading floor because you don't want to sue poor people. That's fucking bullshit. Yeah, and then you got to garnish their wages. Which I'm not opposed to doing.

No, I know, I know. But I want bigger wages. You just need to trick yourself into being sexually aroused by Oprah. Trick myself. So conservative commentator, Michael Reagan, the son of former president,

Ronald Reagan, defended Bill O'Reilly this morning on claims that he was, over claims that the recently fired a Fox News host sexually harassed women. He says, this is a quote. These are tweets. If women are going to wear low-cut dresses

that show cleavage, don't be harassed when we men look. Or should we sue for sexual arousal? It is 2017, right? It really is. You can't tweet from the past. He really is like he's using the from the past but he really is using the um if you don't want me to look don't be in front of me defense like yeah i think that's what he's

doing really and don't be harassed and also and also i look i mean i've i've i've looked at many women in my life yeah i've looked at women's cleavage before. In my mind's eye, I'm doing it right now. I've looked at pretty much any part of a woman that's been exposed. Yeah. Pretty much, no matter what it is, I've pretty much seen it. No matter what, right? Same here.

Get rid of the pretty much. All I've done is two things. One, don't be fucking creepy about it. Right. Two, don't touch them. Yeah. That's super fucking easy, right? You know, like, look, and there's times like I'll be talking to someone or I'll see someone

and they'll have like a low cut shirt on and you want to look, right? Like, so your brain is like, you need to look at that. And I'm like, no, I shouldn't look at that. And my brain's like, no, we're going to need to archive this. Put it in the mental roll it up. And I'm just like, I don't know. I don't think I want to do that. And my brain's like, no, we're going to need to archive this. Put it in the mental roll. And I was like, I don't know. I don't think I want to do that. And my brain's like, no, we're definitely, it's like a fucking I Omega up there. No, we need to make sure we back up the hard drive. We need to make sure we look at this. No, I don't want to let I look and I look right back up. I'm like, no, I just shouldn't.

And then another second later, my brain has already had the same conversation again. Right. And I've looked again. But I'm not creep about it. I'm not just like, I'm not just like trying to look or trying. You know what I mean? And you don't say anything. Yeah.

Right. It's super easy to exist. And look, I understand. I get it. I get it. I'm a sexual creature. I'm a, males have a sex drive that's, that's more aggressive. It's just, it just is.

It's just, that's what we are. Right. I get it. I understand it.'s more aggressive. It just is. It's just that's what we are, right? I get it. I understand it. Women get it. They understand it. But here's the thing. Just don't be a fucking creep about it. And don't fucking, you know, fucking fiddle them or whatever, you know?

Fiddle them. What the fuck? Just fiddle them. It's super easy not to sexually harass someone. It's super easy not to sexually harass someone. I say that to a guy who nearly shoved a penis pencil into someone's face this last weekend. Yes. Tom.

Yeah. Actually, I need been meaning to tell you this. Tom, it's really super easy not to sexually assault somebody. I'm still going to need lessons. I'm still going to need like a detailed list of things I'm not supposed to do. It's going to have to give a lot of detail. Like just a lot. It's like an alarm every time I start to go

over the line. It just blares. It's like a fucking tornado siren sized alarm. I figure if a woman hands me her penis, if I play with it, we are past the sexual harassment stage.

Is that what you think? I do think that actually. No, that's fine. Andrew, are you listening? Andrew doesn't listen. I like the next tweet here. The next tweet here. Yeah.

Oh, this is amazing. The next tweet is he was responding to an allegation that Bill O'Reilly called a black co-worker hot, quote, hot chocolate and then grunted while passing her desk saying that it was that it was a compliment. Now, hot chocolate is not a great thing to say to a black coworker. Kind of a little insensitive. But grunting when you walk past, Bill, you're pushing a line there that you probably shouldn't do. Could you imagine that fucking degenerate grunting? Now, again, it's an allegation. He might not have done it.

Bill O'Reilly might not have done it. I know, but I love that he's not defending whether he did it. He's saying, look, calling a woman hot chocolate. No, he didn't. No, he wrote hot chocolare. Yeah, he did, right? He misspelled it. He misspelled chocolate.

Hot chocolate used to be a compliment on your looks, though. No, it's never been a compliment. No, here, look, heads up, guys. No woman who's ever ever nobody's ever liked that if you're working if you like wake up and you fucking go to work and your boss is like what's up hot chocolate she doesn't like that she just doesn't like that it might have worked on shaft right but it doesn't work anywhere else okay a blaxploitation movie maybe the rest of the world never worked it's not mad men yeah the world? Never worked. It's not Mad Men.

Yeah. The world is not Mad Men, right? It's just... They think it is, though. I know. They really do. And they're lamenting it, right? Like, back in my day, you could pinch a little ass.

Hey, I used to give them the nurple. It's just like, what is wrong with these people? It's like, you know, there is a way to compliment somebody on their appearance without being creepy. And here's how you do it. You look very nice today. Nobody's ever sexually harassed when you say that. You look very nice today. Yeah. But when you're like, what's up

hot chocolate? Grunt, grunt, grunt. I compliment the women that work with me all the time. Yeah. And I'm like, I really like that coat or that's really nice or, you know, those are cool shoes or whatever it is. You know what I mean? Like, I always say

those sorts of things if I think, because I wouldn't say it if I didn't think it. You know what I mean? Like, oh, those are, that's a great thing or whatever, you know,

like that outfit looks good. Yeah. I really enjoy fisting your vagina. That's another thing I say. You could accept the fact that this city is headed for a disaster

of biblical proportion. What do you mean, biblical? What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor. Real wrath of God type stuff. Exactly. Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies. Rivers and seas boiling. Forty years of darkness.

Earthquakes, volcanoes. The dead rising from the grave. Human sacrifice. Dogs and cats living together. Mass hysteria. Oh, my God. This is also from Right Wing Watch. Yes, you love this shit.

Charisma author. Nine-year-old boy's vision of asteroid and nuclear war from the Lord. Because this is where we get our information about what's happening next. It's from a kid who's concerned with whether or not he's going to

catch them all. I love this. This is a daughter of the highest king who posted a video of the drawing her grandson made on a dry erase board was describing his vision. Hey, what is your young and scribbled recently that we should discern? I'll tell you what. Oh,

is there a fucking giant duck underneath the world? Is there a lopsided house we can all live in? Can't even draw a good house. You suck at drawing houses. According to this picture, I have got stick legs and the sun

is three inches from the chimney. Also, we have a chimney. You like slap him and tell his perspective that's better. Also, we have a chimney. You're like slapping Mincella's perspective. That's better. No, but seriously, like this is, this is, this is what we're going

to be doing is, and I can't imagine not being part of this sect and not being embarrassed by the fact that you're, you're thinking a nine-year-old is prophetic. Yeah, well,

thinking that anybody is prophetic is crazy, right? Right. I mean, it's just crazy. The age doesn't matter, right? That's true. But nine-year-olds are particularly untrustworthy as peoples go, right?

As people to relay important information. If you were God, right, and you're going to give super important information, why would you give it to a 90-year-old kid? Nobody cares what 90-year-olds say. Why wouldn't you just put it in like a fucking place that we will eventually find it? Why would you write it on a mountain with your laser eyes? Or at the bottom of the ocean or at a fucking end like on

the fucking, on the human genome. Right. Actually, any place would be better than a 90-year-old boy's shitty drawings. You know what it's going to do? You're going to be like, well, I gave them all a warning, but they just put it on the refrigerator. I can't do it. We'll do it live.

We'll do it live. Fuck it. Do it live. I'll write it and we'll do it live! Fuck it! Do it live! I'll write it and we'll do it live! Fucking thing sucks! This is our favorite, Jesse Lee Peterson from Right Wing Watch, also chiming in on Bill O'Reilly. Who lost his job, by the way, at Fox News,

and some people might not know that, but Bill O'Reilly, a famous pundit here in the States, lost his job for sexual harassment allegations. Right. And enough to make him lose his job, right, at Fox. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Which pretty much

means you got caught with your hand in the vagina jar. You've fucking, you've raped 16 interns at this point. They're just like the executives come up to you, you've got a fucking intern on each fist and you're boxing them. They walk up and they're like, hey, Bill, I'm looking for that notepad. They open

a fucking closet and 16 dead fucking interns fall out. All violated. And you're just like, oh, you shouldn't have gone in there. Bill, we need to talk about your intern habit. That's the third intern this week. So this is Jesse Lee Peterson on his show.

So apparently Bill O'Reilly's out. He's gay? Oh, congratulations, Bill. I'm coming out. And I have to tell you, if they can get rid of Bill O'Reilly They can get rid of anyone Was Bill O'Reilly so fucking powerful If they could get rid of Bill O'Reilly

Who had a TV show Period That's it He's not some fucking massive power broker In the world He's a fucking dude with a TV show He didn't have a fucking ass on his chest and only vulnerable to

kryptonite. Right? Yeah. Oh, how hard is it to get rid of him? Hey, watch this. Hey, Bill, you're fired. Huh? Hey, you're fired because you had a job. Now you don't have a job anymore. That's how being fired works. So... Writing the great

American novel or whatever you're going to get your shit whatever you can only take two interns with you and I want you to wipe all the other interns before you wipe those down get a Clorox wipe or something spritz them with something they smell this is another

modern day lynching. No. No lynchings killed people. Yeah. A rich white man lost his job. Yeah. And he got a big check for losing his job. How deplorable is it that he's using that word, right? As deplorable as possible. As deplorable as it

possibly can be. And this is what makes me crazy about this guy in particular, is that he just seems like he's pandering so much. You know what I mean? He feels like, because you're going to listen to the rest of this clip and he's just going to be talking about how white males are amazing and white males are great and white males make the world go round. And it just feels so pandering and so patronizing when you hear it it just sounds it sounds he's chilling it sounds like he's chilling it sounds weird yeah this is a modern day lynching of a straight christian sexual harasser conservative sexual harasser white sexual harasser male sexualasser. So hold on a second.

A power. Am I supposed to... I guess he missed that one. He missed one important qualifier. Missed that sexual harasser part. It's a part in the ingredients. It's at the very bottom. It's right under monosodium glutamate. Right. Multidextrin and sexual harassment. Sexual harasser. Yeah, it's right there. How many parts of sexual harasser is always

100% of your daily requirement? There you go. That's perfect. It's so funny because my daily requirement was zero. Which is kind of, yeah. That's exactly how that works, as it turns out. I love this idea that he's about to lament how white men of power are getting fucked over. Yeah, that's common. They're white men of power! It's common, especially in this administration

right like oh man this multi fucking double plus millionaire is having a bad day he's gonna go home rich what the fuck does he care like oh you got fired from your job turns out I don't fucking need it

and you know what he's gonna make a fucking shit ton of money writing books for all those people that are farther right than Fox News. And he'll go on the circuit. He'll make the circuit. He'll get fucking interviewed by all the dipshits. They'll pay him big fucking speaking fees. He'll write books. He fucking wakes up tomorrow fucking wealthier than I will ever be.

Yeah. I mean, he's super wealthy. Nothing. This is the only thing that's happened to him is that they've taken away this particular show. But just like Glenn Beck, go start an Internet show and you'll have millions of followers. All the same people that watched you there are going to watch you here. You're going to have the same. You'll just have more control over what you do.

That's all. That's the only thing. You drop a couple of bombs, Bill. Yeah, that's it. Like you get to control your own destiny. Now you could out fucking pace fox news like the thing is is like they're gonna have to replace bill o'reilly and for many many years bill o'reilly was their biggest draw he was the thing that was getting people to come to fox

news he was the reason why they were the best and highest rated program right for years and years and years well now they just fucking lost this guy, he could go on the internet and maybe steal their business. Yep. Well, it's fucking, there's nothing bad about this for this guy. Nothing bad happened to him. Yeah. Nothing bad. He got to sexually harass interns and then they sent him home rich.

Or whoever. Right. We're just using interns as a, I don't know who he sexually harassed. I'm going to sign that it's interns. I don't know who he sexually harassed or how many. But the fact is, is like, it's not going to ruin his career. attention. I don't know who he sexually harassed or how many. But the fact is, it's not going to ruin his career. Yeah, I don't feel bad for Bill O'Reilly. It's not like he's going

home like, I don't know, I can't have any more lobster bisque. That's all this is about, folks. White males with power, of power are under attack. The straight white male

of power is the only thing that's keeping the country hanging on. You get rid of them, it's over. We just got to get rid of Congress? We got to get rid of everybody?

A lot of them. I mean, yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's like it's like the fucking 99 it's a lot of them yeah we gotta you gotta get rid of look it was the idea it's a stupid thing to say though because you're just like you know if you got rid of them what does that even mean got rid of them took them out of power i think just took them out of power but who would take them out of power he saw it it. It doesn't even make any sense. He just had a black president and he didn't take them out of power.

Powerful. He's saying like the powerful people would be taken out of power by who? More powerful, less powerful people. Yeah. Less powerful people. Less powerful people will exert their power to knock more powerful people off the power. But man, I don't know. All I know is I just looked it up and Bill O'Reilly's worth $85

million. He's going to, that's so bad for him. I feel so sad that he lost his job. Bill, if you want to work, uh, we'll fire Megan. If you want to work for us, give us a call, Bill. I feel bad for you. If you're interested, Bill O'Reilly, shoot us a tweet. Actually, don't send us an email cause we might not get it, but tweet at us, Bill, if you're interested in the job. I wouldn't have you take over from Megan, but I would definitely have her train you.

I think everybody with an employment opportunity should tweet to that opportunity from now on to Bill O'Reilly. A man can't live on $85 million alone. I think we all need to step in here and make sure that he's taken care of. Yeah, and he's pretty highly qualified.

So like any librarians out there are looking for extra help. He knows a lot about books. He does. He knows. He's ghostwritten. Or had several ghostwritten for him. And that's what the children of the lie

are working desperately trying to do. What does that even mean? Wait. And that's what these children of the lie are working desperately trying to do. What does that even mean? Wait, and that's what these children of the lie are working desperately trying to do. Are working desperately trying to do. I know that we're not allowed to make fun of his mush mouth. No, but you can make fun of how he talks. But really, are working desperately trying to do. That's not a sentence. Words for

to be using not your thing is not. You'll find a maker of the banana, almighty God has made it with a non-slip surface. Alright, so Tom, we are at several chapters into our books. I'm reading a Ray Comfort book about a hundred things that he thinks scientists

would say about the Bible or something. And you're reading Dianetics. Yep, indeed. Although every time I write a quiz, autocorrect changes it to diabetics. Diabetics. And I'm not changing it back. Diabetics.

Yes. I actually wrote these quiz questions while eating cookies because it struck me as diabetic. So I'm still hoping. Still hoping. I'm going to kill this pancreas. There you go.

Type two. All right. to kill this pancreas. You're going to go. Type two. All right. So, Tom. Yes, sir. Why don't you start it off? I know you have more questions than I do. And I'll do a couple of questions and I'll play Ray Comfort reading for us as well. All right, Cecil.

According to Dianetics, the theory that survival explains why people do stuff, which he's totally taking credit for, by the way, can be computed. What machine does he use to compute the supposedly testable theory? A, ED-209. B, Johnny Five. C,

Hal 9000. D, Lappy 486. Or E, no one knows he just says this kind of stuff with nothing at all to back it up he doesn't even list the machine no he just says it can be computed

that's it and then he just says like it has been computed we have computed no actually we have computed would be far too active of a sentence. He only uses passive grammar. 100%. Oh, it's got to hurt so much to read it. This is

painful. My eyes hurt reading this stuff. Is it worse or better than Ike? Oh, God. This is in some ways this is a thousand times worse. Is it really? Yeah. Because Ike, you could just pasteurize over the lists and get to like, when something happened,

like when Mutt was around or something. Yeah. But this is just so poorly written. The writing is like, you know, I could occasionally throw in like a little joke or a job, like I got a small dick or whatever. I can't tie it around a lamppost or whatever.

Exactly. Yeah. This is just atrocious. The writing is just an atrocity. It's an absolute atrocity it's so bad I wish I felt bad for you but I don't it's nothing in me where's your heart space

I've been doing a lot of work this took me like 7 minutes it's difficult L. Ron Hubbard writes in an infuriatingly passive voice. Why is this a, it is recalled that he is a bottom B. It can be computed that he likes to be spanked raw.

See, it is concluded that he is thankful and would like another or D because he has all the writing skills and panache of well, the guy who wrote Battlefield Earth. It's D. It is D. Oh, God. I don't even want to think about the other three, though.

So, Cecil, what are the four dynamics? A, the individual urge to survive. B, the urge of the individual toward the sex act c the urge of the individual toward survival of the group d the urge of the individual toward survival for the species or e very obviously it's all of the above but come on if you think there's some great fucking revelation about the human fucking condition, then you've been

hiding under a rock or you've been so viciously stricken by one that you are no longer capable of brain function. All of the above. Yeah, you got that one. It's because you told me, though. I know. Alright, but here's the stumper. You're going to get me. My favorite part. You're going to get me.

Which of these is not a real dianetic sentence? Okay. A. The survival dynamic can be seen to sweep out from the individual to embrace the entire species and its symbiotes. B. But it is further recalled that the four dynamics are, when computed properly, distinct and yet remain part of the principle or primary dynamic. C. That man is selfish is a valid statement only when one means an aberrated man. Or D. But it violates the optimum solution because it did not answer for the dynamic one. It's C. It is not.

Oh, good for you. It is not. Oh, good for you. It is not. I got you. Good. It is B, but it is further recalled at the four dynamics. That is made up.

But the writing is so atrocious that it literally doesn't matter what you write and nothing has to make any sense and it doesn't even have to connect to the sentences before it or after it or around it

or connect to its overall thesis. None of those were interesting anyway. No, they're terrible. Yeah, it's all awful. They're just awful writing is what is there anything happening like i mean like i don't even understand like what this is about anyway so what he's saying is that all all the he's saying that dianetics in this chapter it's chapter it's book one chapter four what he's basically saying is look we can understand certain basic things about the human condition and we can do this scientifically through this magic of the science of Dianetics. And we proved, and he says it all the time in this chapter, he's like, yeah, we did all

the math and we did all the experiments and the research and we computed that there are four dynamics that drive all human behavior. And it's the four dynamics that I discussed earlier. It's the urge to survive, the individual's, it's the, uh, urge to survive. The individual's urge to survive. The individual's urge to procreate the individual's urge for the group to survive and the urge for, uh, the survival of the species. And it's like, yeah, okay. You took sociology one-on-one like this is some, like, this is so fucking basic. There's nothing here. You watched one season of Survivor.

Right? It's like there's nothing here. There's nothing interesting in here at all. It seems like such a long book, too. It's a pamphlet so far. It's a pamphlet of things he didn't even come up with. It's Darwinian in nature. There's nothing here.

Cecil, it is so bad i honestly like if you're swayed by this book if you're like i read that and that's the things are wrong you're david eich level crazy shit is fucking wrong in your life that's never getting fixed no amount of volcanoes is fixing this series of problems so we're gonna going to listen to Adam Reek's play Ray Comfort for us. He read a tiny bit of the chapter that I had to read this time. Now I think I've cottoned on to what's happening here. Raylene said that some

idiots called Tomothy and Seesaw from that stupid herd dissonance poll thingy on the electric goggle are making fun of my literary excellence. So to get back at them, I'm going to channel my unashorned spicer and read this in the tone you wink as deserve.

The Bible speaks of a specific design. Slight variations in physical laws such as gravity or electromagnetism would make life impossible, dot, dot, dot. The necessity to produce life lies at the center of the universe's whole machinery and design. Hmm. That was a quote from John Wheeler,

Princeton University professor of physics, because he sounds important. Even evolutionist Stephen Hawking considered the best- known scientist since Albert Einstein apart from me I love that Best known? They use this all the time though

Remember when that in that other shitty movie they're like well Stephen Hawking said it so Right And he's super famous He's a scientist

even people who don't know science know And he talks like a robot Acknowledges the universe and the laws of physics seem to have been specifically designed for us if any one of about 40 physical qualities had more than slightly different values life as we know it would not exist and that's true that's true right but uninteresting but also life might be different then right it only exists here now the way it exists because of the parameters in which we exist in so if they if there was more

gravity you know they say well maybe stuff wouldn't go maybe it would maybe it would form differently and then there would be different stuff we just happen to be perfect or whatever they call it for this particular world because we happen to evolve here yeah it's it's the difference between looking at the universe shaped its way around the people yeah versus the the life that's on earth shaped its way around the the necessities of life on earth right the earth wasn't like i don't know, as if there's like fucking people and cheetahs and shit just floating around in space like, I don't know what should we land on.

And then Earth just comes along. I look pretty good. Yeah, what about this? Right? Either atoms would not be stable or they wouldn't combine into molecules or the stars wouldn't form the heavier elements or the universe would collapse

before life could develop and so on. And that's a quote from Austin American Statesman on October 19th, 1997. So, puss off. So, here we go. So, here's two questions for you. According to Ray, the chance of life having emerged Is comparable to what happening

A. Tom doing a work No B. Eli Bosnick bringing someone to orgasm C. The Anna Bosnick story C. Pat Robertson defeating a ninja turtle In a katana duel Over the last

piece of sewer pizza. Oh, I'm sorry. Mess up New York style pizza. Oh, right. Yes. I don't know.

Is there a difference or a, a seven 47 being spontaneously created by a tornado going through a junkyard. Yeah. It's the fucking, Oh God. So second question, God created humans to be different. What is the major difference between us and other species?

Oh, okay. A. We can tranquilize any other species and date rape it. We're pretty good at that with our own species, depending on who you are. B. We fist bump. Yeah. C. We utilize keyless entry to our advantage. Actually, A and C are also very similar. D. We put probes in rovers on other planets.

We split the atom. We look back in the past 13 billion years when we look at the sky. We measure gravitational waves when black holes collided billions of years ago. And we live on after our death through art. Or E, only humans can appreciate God's love. Are you fucking serious? Are you fucking serious? Are you fucking serious?

Next week, we're going to be covering more of this stuff. Hopefully, Adam will be back from his uh hiatus and he'll have another reading for us so that'll be exciting a reeking a reeking you want answers i think i'm entitled you want answers i want the truth you can't handle the truth tom you wanted to talk about this. This is Trump and his amazing diction. This is astonishing. I love this so much. This is an article from Slate.

But it really revolves around this tweet. Let me read this tweet real quick to you. This is from the actual president of the United States who should not be tweeting, who tweeted and tweeted this. This is what he tweeted. Okay, hold on. I got to gather myself. Eventually. Hold on, hold on, hold on.

I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it I can do it and this was at 10.45am so it wasn't in the middle of the night there's no reason to be drunk at 10.45am there's no reason that he like sleep tweeted this or anything

this is not a crazy ambient tweet or something where you're like fucking away like you've got covered in fucking donuts and shit tweeting like I'm on air. I don't know. All right. Eventually, but at a later date, so we can get

started early. I can't do it. I can't do it. Hold on. Hold on. Eventually. Eventually. this is not how you do works eventually next line is like the

chicken monkeys are gonna fuck I mean that's like what's coming next right is that what's coming next eventually put it a later date so we could get started early. It's so fucking stupid. I can't. I can't even.

Even if somebody said that out loud to me, I would say, I'd be like, say what? What did you just say? What? What did you just say? Are you having a stroke? I don't like,

like it's, it's like as soon as they said it, you know how like when you check if somebody has a fever with the back of your hand, like you would just reach out and touch their hand. You'd be like, oh,

do you have smallpox or something? Do you smell burnt toast? What's happening with you? Yeah. Okay. All right. Did you eat a lobotomy earlier today? Did you throw a fucking sink

through the window? Okay. All right. We're trying to get all the way through this. You can do it. I have faith in you. Eventually, but at a later date.

So we can get started early. Eventually at later. So we could do this early. Mexico will be paying in some form for the badly needed border wall. Defend this motherfucker. Now come on frogs or whatever that is the best tweet eventually but at a later date so we can get started early

Mexico will be paying in some form for that yeah here's your fucking all-powerful wizard this is it this is it this is your guy guys oh man this tweet is so painfully terrifyingly

horribly written yeah I think I know what he's saying but it took me a minute sure I was like wait what I think what he's saying is we're not going to wait for the funding to come in before we start building the wall but don't worry

we'll get the money somehow was it in response to someone else? No. That's the thing. This was just on his mind out of nowhere. Here's the thing. If somebody asked you first. And said hey. What's going on with the wall?

I thought the yada yada yada. And you said eventually. But at a later date. So we can get started early. If you're answering a question. That's a sentence that you would use to answer a question, right? Somebody says something to you. Yeah, there's no way I would use that sentence under any set of circumstances.

I think I could. I think I could see myself if somebody asked a very specific question to me, I could see myself starting a tweet like this by saying eventually, but at a later date so we can get started early. But the problem is that there's no period after that. Also, just writing something like but at a later date so we can get started early. Again, it's not great. It's not good.

It's not literate. It's not. It should be criminalized. Writing this poorly should be criminalized. The problem is that it's not in response to anything. So he's just saying. Apropos of nothing. You're just saying. Just out of nowhere.

It's 1044 in the morning and he's just sitting there with his phone in his hand. He just had his second colostomy bag shit. He's drinking his third cup of Metamucil virgin blood

so we got a ton of new patrons I'd like to thank Velvet Matthew Michael Squall Zach George

Kevin Brent Ashley Dan Greg, Nathaniel, Marissa, Dairy Councilman McEgnog, David at TheRamblingBlog.com, Holly, Kristen, Justin, Tabin, Adam, Brendan, Martin, Sheldene, Mary, Gus, Michael, O-Neg, I guess it's O-Negative, T-Total. How much for that liver, Tom? It's actually how much for that liver. Not for sale. for sale danilo jesse stephanie kristin ashton derpicus maximus and brendan thanks so much for your generous donations very much uh you're the reason we're able to travel places uh you're the reason we're able to donate to the trevor project like we did today so thank you thank you so very much for your generous donations uh We are starting a new show

with the Scathing Guys. We mentioned it last time. It's a new show called Citation Needed. That new show is available on Patreon and will be for the next couple weeks until we launch. If you're interested in being an early adopter, some of the stuff that's currently on

there won't be there forever. It's all of our test records leading up to that show coming to fruition. So there was several test records that we did that just were just cutting room floor stuff that we weren't positive we were never going to really publish wide. Just so happened that this was stuff that we were putting together thinking, you know, how can we make a funny show? And so we put together five episodes of just, you know, what we thought was going to be, what we thought we could turn a show into. And some of them are quiz show based. Some of them are variety show based. And then there's also a citation needed pilot in there. All that stuff's going to go away. The five extra shows that are going to go away the moment we launch. So if you want to be an early adopter, you can get those.

Or if you want to wait for it, totally fine. We're going to go live with it. We would appreciate a download and a review once you listen to it. We're going to go live, like we say, in a couple of weeks. We'll keep you informed on when that's going to happen. Got a message about North Korea. We talked about North Korea during the live stream and this is from Devin and Devin says that the reason people

there always act like they're in that Twilight Zone episode is that they were constantly told that the leader can read their minds literally yeah that's crazy Kim Jong-un he says will punish them for thought crimes because he can read their thoughts like a fucking book made of

chocolate if you want to learn a little more about Kim Jong-un check out Citation them for thought crimes because he could read their thoughts like a fucking book made of chocolate. If you want to learn a little more about Kim Jong-un, check out Citation Needed because he's going to be the subject of a show that we're recording very shortly. So one of the episodes of Citation Needed coming up will feature that porky little pig of a man.

And we will be releasing that wide, like we say, in a couple of weeks, but it'll be available for patrons sooner than that. We got a message about the crucifixion Jesus myth. And this is from Aubrey. And Aubrey says, I loved your Easter special. Just thought you might like to know more about the crucifixion. It takes people over 24 hours to die on the cross.

Yeah, but what if they want it, though? What if they really want it? I bet I could do it quicker. I mean, I could push this out a little sooner. Because Jesus was crucified on the eve of Passover. All the people on the cross needed to die faster, so they broke all their legs so they couldn't stand and would die faster on the cross.

Oh, and then they also turned him into a strainer. We talked about that. They stabbed him a couple times. We had someone by the name of Chris who went to the March for Science in St. Petersburg, Florida, Tom.

Yeah, and he's carrying a sign that says, credulity is not a virtue. Isn't that great? I think that's pretty awesome. That's pretty great. Thank you so much. Appreciate that. We got an image from Bryce, and this is about Trump and Ted Nugent. And I think that this is one of those scandals that's going to get out eventually.

I love it. It's so funny. So we'll post this on this week's show notes. This is episode 356. So that's going to wrap it up for this week. We're going to be back next week. We'll be recording a little early for next week because we're both going on vacation. We'll both be on vacation when it posts, but we'll be recording a little early.

So there probably won't be as big an email section, but we look forward to recording and posting it at the normal time. Patrons, of course, will get it early. But until next time, we're going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed. Acupuncture Stereogram Free energy Water Downward spiral Late night Leo Pisces Cancer cures

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