Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 357: Shark Tank Idea

Episode Date: May 8, 2017

Stories covered in episode:

This show is brought to you by AdamandEve.com. If you go to AdamandEve.com right now and enter GLORY, the code word GLORY, G-L-O-R-Y, at checkout, you'll get 50% off almost any item, a free sex swing, and free shipping. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from glory hole studios in chicago slow there this is cognitive dissonance dramatic pause every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way we bring critical thinking skepticism and irreverence another it's like a shatnericism, and irreverence. It's like a Shatner version today.

And irreverence. Topic that makes star news. Or makes us mad. Makes us mad. It's Skeptical Let's Political and there is no welcome mat. There is no Rocket Man. Whenever somebody says Rocket Man, I think of that movie, The Rock. Did you ever see that movie? With Nick Cage and Sean Connery.

Why did it not have The Rock in it, though? Because he wasn't a thing then, was he? It's a real old movie, man. That's a real old movie. That's back when he was Dwayne Johnson. Well, there's a scene in it where Nick Cage is getting beat up by this big dude.

And this guy, other guy standing in front of a missile. And he's like, hey, have you ever heard the song of Rocket Man? The guy's like, I don't listen to that pussy music. He was like, because it's you. You're it. You're the Rocket Man. And he presses a button and the missile hits the guy in the chest and like shoots him off into the sea or something. It's like this dude's trying to kill you,

and you've got like a three-line fucking, you're the guy standing in front of a missile the whole time. So should I step one step to the left? But I just love the idea of getting shot in the chest with a missile. If I go, though, that's how you want to go. I want to get so big, I just stop it with my packs. What? And then you start moving it like you're

titty fucking it. You're just like, yeah! You're just moving the missile up and down. Yeah, motherfucker! It just hits you and it's like, punk, I don't give a fuck. The missile just hits the ground and just stops he's like oh no that's oh no yeah because what's your fucking next move

movie is so bad i haven't it's nick cage it's nick cage and sean connery and then other people i remember it was like an Alcatraz movie about like a serum or something. Yeah, so, yeah, they got like sarin gas, they got missiles full of sarin gas and like the veterans are like, wait, did he shoot him with a missile full of sarin gas? Now that's how you go.

That's how you go. Never chemical weapons. No, no. I don't even want them on my corpse. Hey, only ISIS shoots chemical weapons. I mean, come on. Russia. Yeah, it was definitely Russia or ISIS. Yeah, right?

Yeah. It turns out, what is it? They were supposed to believe they bombed themselves or something. Yeah. Like the rebels blew up a chemical warehouse to make it look like the sod. That's exactly what happened. Did it? I don't know. Why?

So that the international community could express outrage and then impotently do nothing? Like, is that your, that was your fucking, that was your big plan? They were hoping for a strongly worded letter from the UN. Exactly. And mission accomplished. Can you imagine selling it the second time? Okay, I want to gas some of our own people, like the kids.

Well, he fucking did it last time. And all anybody did was say, ah, and then share it on Facebook. Yeah, exactly. That's my,

I love my children and their death was shared on Facebook. Like, are you fucking kidding me? Yeah. But this time it'll probably go. No, no, there's no second time.

We're not doing this. Don't worry. He'll drop enough evil shit on us later. Let's shoot a small pox bomb and hopefully it'll go viral. Nicely done. Nicely done. So this is episode

357 of Cognitive Dissonance and this is the I know dude. Click. You feeling lucky punk? I know, dude. Click. You feel lucky, punk? I do. We're going to get a fucking email. That was a.44 Magnum. Guys! Guys! I shot a.350.

Maybe I did shoot a.44. I don't remember if it was a.357. .357 I've shot. That one was real big, but the.44 I shot, that is a gun that scared me. Like, that gun genuinely scared me. A buddy of mine had it. I remember pulling back the hammer and letting it go, and it, like, hurts the palm of your hand.

Like, I'm a big pussy. So I was just like, I was like, fuck this thing. Fuck this gun. And then he's like, well, there's five more. I'm like, fucking shoot away, dude. I don't want it. I had a, I told you this story. I don't want it. I told you the story. I had a squib load in a.44 Magnum.

Oh, what? Yeah, I had a squib. I was shooting at a trailer, a busted up trailer from Michigan. Oh, my God. And it made the sound and it sounded all funky. And I almost pulled it again. And I paused and I was like, I think something's wrong with this gun. And I had a squib load in there.

And I very nearly blew up my own face. Yeah, you fucked have fucked yourself up with that for sure. For real. For real, for real, for real. Bristol Palin for real, for real, for real. For real. But my uncle uses that same gun to hunt bear.

I could see that. Yeah, he hunts a fucking bear with it. He's done it a couple times. Now, is this like 10 paces with the bear and then the bear has a 44 pounder? They stand back to back for a second. I remember going to my uncle's house and like he's got

a bear skin rug from the bear that he shot. The first thing I did was look for the hole. I was like... Did the taxidermist do a good job? He's like, no, they patched that shit up. the first thing I did was look for the hole. The taxidermist do a good job. Yeah. And he's like,

no, they patched that shit up. And I was like, really? That's kind of disappointing. I'd want to, I'd want to be like, that's where I got you. Motherfucker.

Leave the dried blood on there. It's such a weird, macabre fucking thing. We're going to email some people. I just should not shoot bears. I didn't shoot a bear. I didn't shoot. I've never shot a bear guys. Don't send me your email. I shoot bears. I didn't shoot a bear. I didn't shoot. I've never shot a bear.

Guys, don't send me your email. I don't shoot bears. My uncle does it. I can't stop him. He's got guns that he uses to shoot bears. What would I do to stop him? Uncle Bob, don't shoot a bear. Click. Okay, fucking shoot whatever you want. Just not me. Okay? Poor Uncle Bob. He's going to get

emails. He's going to get Uncle Bob's a nice guy. He's super nice. He's a super get emails. He's going to get a savage on his show. Uncle Bob's a nice guy. He's super nice. He's a super nice guy. Unless you're a bear. Yeah, no. I mean, he fucking hates bears, though.

Fucking hates them. He eats them all. Does he really eat the bear? He eats the bear. Oh, yeah. Oh, no kidding. He won't hunt anything he doesn't eat. Yeah, he eats the bear.

Yeah. Oh. And then he also takes the rug from what I said. I almost said he also takes the rug as if the bear's walking around holding a rug. There's a bear with like a really nice oriental pattern on his back. That's the prize. That's the prize bear. Some dude in Afghanistan sitting there like at a loom,

like knitting a bear or whatever. The bear's just like, no, what I want on the back, I want a nice little diamond shape. Can you do that? It's freaking awesome. The bear's traveling back through the TSA. The TSA's like, I really like your back.

It's looking good. Thanks, just had it done. Bear's like, that really like your back. It's looking good. Thanks, just had it done. Bear's like, that's not a rug. That's my skin. That's a me. That's a me. What a shitty thing to say. I'm commodifying the fuck out of you.

Oh, God. He's like, I ate the leather. I got the leather. Oh, that's awesome. Kyle's carrying around my steaks and my coats and my boots. You know what I get? You know what you gotta do is you gotta get the bear

with that gun and then you gotta make its skin into a holster for the gun that just shot it. Jesus Christ. That's some fucking Nazi shit. Make a fucking chair out of its bones. That you used to hunt other bears. That's just set up in a stand yeah right you make a tree stand

out of the animals that you used to hunt that animal god it's so macabre it's so fucked up I wanna I wanna kill I wanna kill a deer

make like a deer knife antler and then like stab another deer. I want to run up to the deer and throw a deer antler knife on the ground and knife fight it. It's trying to pick it up with its paw or hoof or whatever. It's paw.

It's knuckle. It's toes. I don't know what you call that. So I don't know. What do they have? Hoofs? What is that? A hoof? I don't know shit about deer.

The fuck do I know about a deer? I don't know. If you hit it with your car, your car gets all fucked up. Oh, God. We haven't done anything for 10 minutes. Oh, God. We haven't done anything for 10 minutes. We announced the intro.

Oh, God. It's what we do. We banter a little bit. It's our convivial back and forth. Enjoy your negative review on Hot Seats. These guys won't even start the show. I'm going to go hunt a bear. With a deer? I want a deer gun.

Is it a gun for you when it shoots a deer? It fucking shoots something like a six-point buck. There's a bear running around with a deer in its back. Fuck. Oh, God. Our world's the best. there's a bear running around with a deer in its back fuck oh shit our world's the best

if you and I became that kid who could be like and then you're just like like he like uses it like I want more ice cream but you live in a cornfield you and I'd be like I got a gun that shoots deer out of it. And I stack bear on top of each other to shoot

them down. It's like a carnival game with fucking animals. Okay. All right. Well, speaking of fucking surreal absurdities, speaking of a grotesquery that defies imagination, this is from the Washington Post. Trump now agrees with the majority of Americans. Set a of a grotesquery that defies imagination. This is from the Washington Post. Trump

now agrees with the majority of Americans, said a headline that is weighted real fucking hard, but isn't inaccurate. He wasn't ready to be president. This is a... I just have to read his quote.

I just have to read his quotes. Which he should not have said, by the way. Even if he feels this way, you don't say this shit. So to a reporter from Reuters this week, Trump had a different assessment of the presidency. Quote, I love my previous life. I had so many things going. This is more work than in my previous life. I thought it would be easier. I thought

it was more of a, I'm a details oriented person. I think you'd say that, but I do miss my old life. I like to work. So that's not a problem, but this is actually more work. He still takes the weekends off to go golfing. He's not even working as much as most people think he probably should be working. And he's like, well, I don't know, being the president of the United States is a totes hard job. You know what's

interesting about that is, it sounds like something someone who didn't think this all the way through would say, right? You know what I mean? It sounds like somebody who won the popularity contest but doesn't think this all the way through would say. Right? Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, it sounds like somebody who won the popularity contest, but doesn't really care about the actual work. He doesn't want to be class president, right? Exactly.

He doesn't want to do it anymore. Planning the prom is hard. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. He doesn't want to. Look, I don't really care whether or not we get vending machines by the gym class. Right.

I just don't care. I just said it so fucking Mary Lou would sleep with me. That's the only thing. I just wanted to put it in her butt, and she's not going to let me do it if I'm the fucking vice president of the senior class. The only Mary Lou left in America is 70 years old. And you can put it in her butt whenever you want. Because all the rest of the waste goes into the colostomy bag.

Another suppository, dear. All the rest goes into a colostomy bag, so suppository, dear. All the rest goes into a colostomy bag, so you don't have to worry about anything coming out of it. You just go right in. You just go. It's already cleaned up in there. It's already cleaned. Good.

This is also something that nobody who's not a narcissist would say, right? Because everybody with a modicum of sense and that is even just the tiniest bit humble, wouldn't say, you know, they wouldn't say ahead of time, it's a breeze. I can do this job. No problem. They would realize the gravity of the situation. They would realize the, you know, the, the amount of work that goes into it. And then they would, they would sort of hedge their bets a little and be like, yeah, it looks like it's going to be a real tough job,

but I'm ready to handle it. Right. That's a real easy way to say that. It looks like it's getting a real tough job, but I'm ready to handle it. Instead. He's said in the past, um,

that's going to be, it's going to be cake. I'm going to hit it out of the park every time. I'm surprised he didn't lie about that though. What I'm really surprised that what the most surprising thing about this whole article is that he didn't just lie and say, I never said that. I never said it was going to be easy. I always thought it was going to be hard. But I think he's so intensely unselfaware. I really do. I think that's where this comes from. I think he doesn't see that this paints

him in a buffoonish light because this is the same guy who's like, nobody understood how complicated healthcare was. Sure. Yeah. Well. That's just objectively not true. Everybody who's ever discussed healthcare from a policy standpoint understands fucking intrinsically how intensely complicated it is. I don't know. This is a guy who's like,

I got a 30-day plan to beat ISIS. Well, I'll tell you what, motherfucker. It's been over 30 days, right? Yeah, it was three times 30 days plus 10. And he's still isis like score in seven years exactly right yeah this is a guy who thought there were easy answers right because he's an easy answers guy yeah he's a guy who comes in he's like i just nobody had a strong hand on the tiller that's what this is that's what i think he's you know nobody ever just took

a firm hand with all these guys and showed up and just told him the way it was going to be yeah and he showed up and like congress is like you're not telling me the way it's gonna be i'm not passing any of your shit he tried that right it was like hey yeah you gotta pass this no i don't yeah no it's not gonna work it's not gonna pass so you gotta run with it or i'm not gonna do anything okay well then you're not gonna do anything right and you're gonna look like an idiot because you ran on a campaign that said you're gonna repeal in a place here's the thing that we've come to learn about congress right right? If we've learned anything about Congress over the course of the last 12 years

is Congress will burn the fucking house down. Congress is like, no, you were not backing baby into a corner. That's not going to happen. Let me go and double down. I'll watch fucking single mothers bleed blood. I do not care. They will weep poo. I don't give a shit. I don't care.

I'll fucking stop. I'll turn the government's just turned off. Turn off. I don't care. I'll fucking stop. I'll turn the government's just turned off to turn off. We don't care what it turns back on. We all rich. Yeah. We're all rich here. So Trump is a guy who campaigned, you know, saying like, oh yeah, I'm not going to, you know, we can't rule by executive order. You can't rule by executive order. But according to this, he's already signed 30 executive orders in his first 100 days versus 19 in brock obama's first 100 days sure so he's using them at a rate that's almost double yeah and he's using golf balls at a rate that's over double right i find it astonishing that if you were a supporter and then here he is and he's not getting this shit done and his fucking strong hand on the

on the wheel is not strong enough yeah and his ability to bridge divides does not exist no no he is intensely polarized no it's real easy when you run a big company to sort of push people around right but the other leaders in the world are like get the fuck out of here and i wonder how much of that is like you know he thinks he thinks he's a bridge builder, right? You know, I'm good at making deals. I'm so good. People, you know. Yeah. Because you're fucking, there's a difference between relating to a guy in business where I want something from you.

Right. But if you come to me wanting something and I don't want anything from you, you have no power. Yeah. Right. That's how negotiation always works. You simply cannot negotiate with the other side if the other side doesn't have a want. Both sides have to have a want in that negotiation.

So that bridge building only works when you both can get a portion of the want met. So I think he's confused. I think in his life he's walked around thinking he's been really good at doing this. Because no one's going to tell him

otherwise. Yeah, because they'll just get fired or he won't get a deal. Right, exactly. Exactly, right? He's been a guy surrounded by sycophants because he's a fucking asshole with money. And I know assholes with money and they're surrounded by sycophants. And I think like,

when I think about how he thought how easy it was going to be to be six gun, Sam walk in there and, you know, like shoot the fucking chandelier down and be like, I was a new sheriff in town. Right. Like everybody kind of just looked at him like, okay, that's cool. Yeah. You're a Senator has been in for 40 years. You yawn looking at this clown shoe ass motherfucker. Exactly. And, and you know, your, your little pull you forward handshake works on a couple of weak guys, but the moment you touch Justin, you fall over. Exactly. You know what I mean?

You fucking break a hip. You're the one leaning over, old man. Not him. You know what I mean? And so, that shit only works on a few people. And, you know, like, you think you're going to be able to push Merkel around? You think you're going to be able to push, you know, that fucking old bird ain't going to let you push her around. She

just went to fucking Saudi Arabia. I don't know if you saw this. No. Saudi Arabia? She's like, I ain't wearing a fucking hijab. Fuck off. I'm going to Saudi. I'll go where I want. Fuck you. Good for her. Yeah, fuck you. I'll wear what I want. Totally fucking hair out in the world. I don't give a shit. You know what I mean? Like, you ain't going to

push that lady. She ain't afraid of you. Right. She's not afraid of America. She's German. They're not afraid of later. She ain't afraid of you. Right. She's not afraid of America. She's German. They're not afraid of anyone. She's not afraid of the Kraken. Are you kidding me? She'd like fist fight a Kraken. I think you even have some schools that are teaching the homosexual lifestyle,

how to be homosexual or some sort of class that they're teaching that we're paying for. Jesus Christ. This story is from pinknews.com. Bill Nye mocked gay cure therapy, and now he's getting online death threats. So Bill Nye has a new project out, and his new project, he's a TV host.

It's a Netflix thing. Did you see it yet? I've not seen it. No, is it any good? I haven't seen it. I haven't had a chance to watch it. From what I've read, though, it's very socially oriented, much more than it was science oriented, which is what his stuff was a long time ago.

Well, that makes sense, given this story. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. So basically, Vanilla was an episode, which I think is kind of an interesting analogy, where there's a bunch of ice cream cones. And the ice cream cones, like, the only good one is me. I'm vanilla. Be vanilla. Everyone be vanilla.

And the other ice creams are like, yeah, but I'm strawberry. I can't just be vanilla ice cream. The vanilla ice cream is like, you can if you try harder, bitch. I'm paraphrasing, but not a whole lot. Yeah, right. I think that the one thing that this messes up on, though, is that there's no Neapolitan. I haven't seen a neapolitan one polyamorous ice cream or whatever exactly like a like a buy one or whatever you know what i mean

like a one that'll just do anything you know just have fucking you hold its head i'll fuck it right that ice cream you know where's that ice cream um but that's how i treat ice cream are you one of the are you one of the people who goes to neapolitan ice cream and gets the strawberry and like scoops out the strawberry or whatever or do you go straight across you're a fucking monster what you're a monster what a monster the idea behind neapolitan is to get a little of everything you're a monster not to just take the strawberry out and throw it away and then eat the good stuff you You're a monster. Are you serious?

I'm literally not going to talk to you ever again. What do you do? You treat it like three separate containers of ice cream? Yes, absolutely. It's not. It is. No. You're a monster.

It's a delightful blend. It's not a blend. You stir that up. It looks like bloody diarrhea. Who stirs up their ice cream? Who does that? You're a monster. What the fuck is wrong with that? You're a monster. What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you kidding right now?

This is the last episode of Cognitive Distance. Okay, hold on. Guys, we'll put it to you. We got to put it to you. This is a donut Danish question. Yeah. Neapolitan. Are you one flavor? Are you from Naples or no? Are you a single flavor hooker

ass motherfucker like Cecil? No, I go like, okay, I'll have a strawberry and then I'll also have like a chocolate. Maybe I'll have them in the same dish. Maybe not. But I would never go across. That's a fucking. You go across, sir. You're a fucking.

Oh, my God. You might as well just be fucking gerbils over there. Like you're experimenting on human fucking bodies. Fuck you. You know what? You're a monster you go across it's made to go like that if we look at a thing the other way if we look at a thing of briars right now how do you think they're scooping it on the top of the container i don't give a fuck who cares they that is those people are assholes they make the ice cream sir

we need a poll no we don't no i'm right you've never been right yet your team donut i will say those maple bacon donuts we had so good those maple bacon donuts we had down and there was a gentleman who gave us maple bacon donuts at uh he's now my wife here's the thing though i have had bacon people try to be clever with bacon yeah too right that happens we're like oh well it's a sweet thing and i added bacon it's like who i made this tart and put this bacon you're like nah it tastes like gross it's almost always tastes like a gross right this was spec fucking tacular it was a maple donut glaze on the top with a well-cooked piece of bacon like a crispy piece of bacon, good thick cut bacon.

It was out fucking standing. That was, that could have been maybe the second best donut I ever had in my life. I want to, I want to talk about this one person who wrote this. They aren't even trying to hide it anymore. There's almost no euphemisms. Even these degenerates need to go now. It's like, no, you miss it. A metaphor is literally hiding it. Like you're literally hiding it in a metaphor this is a metaphor it's so funny

that you seize on that because i seized on that for two reasons like they aren't even trying to hide it anymore exactly exactly exactly right nobody has tried that's fucking the actual point yeah is that we like people don't need to hide anymore. There's nothing to hide. You're the one whose fucking opinions should be hidden because they're garbage opinions. Right. The second thing that is I have to seize on is there is almost no there are almost. There is almost no euphemism.

There is. There is almost no. No, you can't write. You stop. But they spelled euphemisms right. I know. I No, you can't write. You stop. But they spelled euphemisms right. I know. I know. How do you do there is almost no euphemisms? There is almost.

And spell it right. I don't even get it. Fucking stop. Just stop. There's been some criticism of Bill for this. There's been some people who have been like, ah, you're trying too hard, Bill, or whatever. But personally, if Netflix is going to pay him to do his, you know i personally i thought you know if if netflix is going to pay him to do his you know what he thinks is socially right good then let him do it

then let him do it you know maybe you don't like it but i think you know what the hell i mean especially with this stuff you know of all the things that need to be mocked gay cure therapy needs to be mocked yeah because there's no cure involved there's no cure and it's damaging the thing is there's no cure because there's no disease involved. There's no cure and it's damaging. The thing is, there's no cure because there's no disease. Yeah. Right? You can only cure a disease. It's not like... And it's damaging. Like, it hurts people. So, it cures

nothing because there was nothing to be cured. But at least you're injured in the process. So, lose, lose, lose. Neapolitan ice cream, though. A cross. No.

You're a fucking whore. That's beside the point. So, Tom. Yeah, Cecil. I'm always curious how you're going to intro this portion of the program. It's springtime. It is. It's a time that you would take someone and put them on a swing outside.

Oh, I see. You know what I mean? Sometimes spring has sprung. Spring has I see. You know what I mean? Like, you know, sometimes spring, spring, spring has sprung, swing has sprung, swing has come, swing. Who knows? I don't know.

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Gloria checkout. That's G L O R Y at adamandeve.com. I love this one. I love you, Rick Wiles. You are my favorite. It's from right wing watch Rick Wiles, you are my favorite. It's from right wing watch Rick Wiles. They're building a global brain that will embody. And I almost read that in Spotify,

the next word is Lucifer. And so for me, it just kind of glued itself together. So I'm going to read it that way. Cause it makes me laugh. They're building a global brain that will embody Lucifer's mind. I'm using that word that I just made up. Okay, well, this is multiple people, as I recall, on the Rick Wilde show.

I'm still thinking about the, you know, programming robots to lie. Are we only supposed to program our robots to tell the truth? Like, is there some moral component to when a robot tells you, oh, no, he said he loved me. It's fucking Ed 209, okay?

What do you want? What if you're programming your robot to tell people you're not home when you're at home? Yeah, right. I program my robot, my cell phone, all the time. When something comes up, I'm like, decline that call. Tom is unavailable. I'm available. I just didn't want

to talk to you. Exactly, right? I get declined on dumb phone all the time. I know didn't want to talk to you. I get declined on Dumb Zone all the time. I know what that feels like. But this has been done to us for the past 30, 40, 50 years. The deep state has deliberately lied to the public because they concluded that it was in our best interest not to be told the truth. Well, what's even scarier about the robot flying, Rick, is they weren't programmed to lie.

They learned to lie. You're looking at me the same way I'm looking at you. Let me just tell you guys, Cecil and I were both like heads down listening to the clip. They said this, both of us just look at each other exasperated. Fucking exasperated. So Data, did we teach you to lie? Get the fuck out of here.

Fucking, you know, it's funny because there are experiments in, you know experiments in artificial intelligence. I saw something recently. Maybe you were the one who posted it where they were sort of inputting a bunch of stuff into a computer. Oh, the story arc? The story. It was amazing.

I thought it was tremendous. Yeah. So they're inputting a lot of literature in there to find like a story arc. And then they do this sort of thing on occasion. But I mean, are we really calling it thinking? Are we really calling it like deciding to make a choice? Like have we made a computer that makes a choice that's like conscious choice yet?

Consciousness, no. I think what they're mixing up is adaptive learning. Yeah. So there certainly are programs and systems that are built which engage in adaptive learning processes, right. Yeah. So there, there certainly are programs and systems that are built, which engage in adaptive learning process. Right. Yeah. So I think their worry is that if it adaptively learned to tell a lie,

right. Then I don't know, cut down a cherry tree. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It'd be like, I'm not,

not shooting missiles at you. Eight bit cherry tree. Like they've seen too much fucking 2001, a space odys missiles at you. It's like an 8-bit cherry tree. Right? Like, they've seen too much fucking 2001 A Space Odyssey, right? I've got to make sure that my robots only tell me the truth. Fucking, what are you talking about? How many

fucking robots do you have? What are you kidding me? His Roomba comes up bouncing up against his leg. Get away from me! I'm going out of the room! See Rick Wilde

standing on a fucking chair with a broom trying to push away. I have your predecessor right here! I will get rid of you! I brought you into this world! I can take you out! I brought you into this world. I can take you out.

The weekend is over. He's got fucking war paint on his face. He's naked around. He's dancing around his apartment with a sharpened broomstick, hunting the fucking Roomba for sports. He's lit the rug on fire at that point. Scorched earth, motherfucker! Rick Wilde

planning an attack against his Roomba is the greatest thing ever. You kill one, but a dozen will take its place. Outside his door, there's like a fucking pack of angry Roombas. You just hear the hum. Gently, gently.

All they would do is they'd gently bump against his door and turn around. And they're bouncing into each other. It's like a Roomba mosh pit. You know what would be so funny? Is to get a bunch of Roombas in a small room and turn them all on and just watch them collide against each other.

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. No, you go first. No, you go first. Could you imagine Rick Wiles riding the car that we were driving in?

Oh, my God. We rented a car down there. And this car had like active lane control or something. So like when you're driving, the car was like as you as you try to like, you know, sometimes you drift in the lane. And as you would drift a little like a little too much for the car, which was clearly not for the lane, it would correct the steering. I got so angry with the car. I was fucking ready to kill it.

I was screaming at the car. Let me drive! And then I'm down there. I'm Rick Wise, for Christ's sake. Driving down the road and at one point, somebody cuts in front of me. They get on the on-ramp, cut in front of me

to get into the left lane, to go around a truck. And they're 80, 90 feet in front of me. And they cut in front of me. I see what they're going to do. I start to slow down a little. I take my foot off the gas.

I didn't hit the brake. And then the fucking, the warning lights kind of like break. There's nothing in our lane. Like there's literally nothing in our lane. It's like break. Oh my God. Break.

If this is what we're fucking pitted against, we're going to win. There's nothing in our lane. Like there's literally nothing in our lane. It's like break. Oh my God. Break. If this is what we're fucking pitted against, we're going to win. There's nothing. You can't do anything. I'm going to win every time. I can't even tell that there's a car in front of me. The closest thing I could think of is like, when you call customer service,

it's like, hello, I can help you with your request. Yeah. I want to do this thing. Do you want to buy a rug? No, I fucking... Look, my boat's on fire.

Did you say your cow needs help? Like, no, what the fuck is... They fucking never get that shit right. They can't do this shit. They just can't do this shit. That'd be awesome, though. You call up Comcast like, what can I help you with?

I need to get my internet turned back on. It sounds like you're having a problem with your internet. Is your internet out? Yeah, it's out. No, it's not. It starts sliding. Did you try turning it on? And then on. And then on again.

Just leave it on. Don't unplug it. They learned to lie. Wait a minute. it on. Just leave it on. Don't unplug it. They learned to lie. Who's the father of all lies? Obama. They'll never find out. Call Maury. They got lies in a chair

sitting there and it's like, you are not the father. Satan's just like, yeah, he's fucking dancing. He's fucking uh, uh, uh. But if they said that to him, then he would be the father. Right. just like, yeah, he's fucking dancing. He's fucking, uh, uh, uh. Yeah, but if, but if they said that to him, then he would be the father.

Right. Right. Cause it'd be the opposite of what. Oh, yeah. No, but more is not the lot. Oh,

right. Yeah. Oh, I had totally had my Sphinx. Well, Satan's the father of all lies, but, uh,

I mean, so are, are we going to, doc, are we going to have, are we going to have demon-possessed, artificially intelligent robots? I'm assuming, you know, if it has the ability to lie. No, I'm very serious about this. Is it possible for a demonic spirit to possess an artificial intelligent machine?

Oh, why don't you open up your Bible and flip it to the page where it says artificial intelligence? I don't know. How about we create an artificial intelligent machine first? And then see if it has demons in it? Look inside. It's demon-worthy. What would happen if it did? Open up the bible

flip to the index for artificial intelligence I will say that would be a scary as fuck story though if they'd like turn on the first artificial intelligence and then it's just like screaming get the demons on me Stephen King I know you're listening write that story make the pain go away why did you outfit me with nerve receptors?

I hurt every day. Kill me. Well, can they possess idols? Exactly. Can they inhabit places? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, that's a given. They can possess idols.

Is that what he said? Idols. Oh. And the other guy's like, exactly my point. You can put them in a rock or something. What would things just sit there like I'd rather possess a Roomba fucking motion.

You know what I mean? I possess a fucking vibrator. I'd give you a hell of an orgasm. That's right. They can take possession of animals. I think that they attach themselves to inanimate objects. themselves to inanimate objects. So if you have

a machine that's capable of lying, then it has to be connected to Lucifer. I don't understand. This is the stupidest thing we've ever heard. Not only is he just creating out of nowhere artificially intelligent stuff that doesn't exist,

but he's also just saying that it's also demon-possessed and that demons can possess literally all his stuff. It's my table. I got a demon in it. Demons are like, fuck, I should have gone somewhere else. Gary, do you have a demon in you? This mouth's wide open.

They just climb right in. Gary is a demon. Gary is. Now we're back to the global brain. This is where they're going. They're building a global brain that will embody Lucifer's mind. It's literally the dumbest thing I've heard anyone say ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever. Fucking, that is an impossibly stupid. I think if you were to have a say the most fucking absolutely most obtuse

fucking sentence contest and the prize was fucking blow jobs every day for a year and a Roomba, you still would not get a more fucking insanely stupid sentence than the one that was just uttered. I just had a shark tank idea. You ready for this? You ready for this? Take a Roomba. Put a flashlight in it.

And then you can chase it around and fuck it. I'm patting that, so don't steal that. That's my idea. It should have a thing where if you put a few drinks in it, it runs slower. Don't rape me again. Don't rape me again This is gonna censor If you take out money It comes to you

You like lean into you With like some change Change It's like programs like I don't want no scrubs oh my god it's like program it's like I don't want no scrubs you gotta put real money in there oh god this is the worst show we've ever done it's so funny though

Oh my god Oh fucking Roomba Oh god I'd make it a Boomba A ba ba ba Boomba Oh god You look down Where are my pubic hair Oh, God. You look down.

Where are my pubic hair? It gives you a trim. It just sucks it all off of there. Jesus. It finishes up. I will clean up after you. He just put it in the dishwasher. And so Lucifer will be deceiving people through the global brain.

A robot does what it's told to do. A robot doesn't talk back and argue. Unlike a woman. Jesus. Or a robot with a flashlight. A robot doesn't take vacation and PTO. A robot doesn't demand health benefits. This robot sounds great. I got to tell you, I looked.

I'm looking for the hookups here. I'm waiting for the butt. I know, right? Right? A robot doesn't demand, you know, vacation time. For companies, there's going to be a great economic incentive to go to robotics as fast as possible and eliminate their employees. There already is! There already fucking is, man!

Where the fuck are you living? Where the fuck are you? Hold on, Rick. That's why you sound so far away. We're talking to you in the past. already fucking is man where the fuck are you living where the fucking hold on rick that's why you sound so far away we're talking to you in the past what the fuck man fucking there's no fucking out robot made literally all the shit around you everything in this room and the car I used to get there. The fuck is wrong with you? But if we have massive employee dislocation in the millions, in the tens of millions worldwide within a short period of time. Then we have food for the global brain. I don't know what this is.

There's no problems here. The global brain is also the robot that nom, nom, nom. Yes, it's the nom nom robot. Nom nom bot. He's just like slowly like like opens its mouth like a turtle to bite you. Like that slow

ass like shit. Fuck. Oh man. Don't fuck with turtles, by the way. That's all I'm saying. They're not rumpus. With fleshlights on them. They might look like they are, but they are not. What do those people do to support their families?

They build robots. And they service robots. The shit they're doing now, because that's already the world we're living in. That's what we do. We build robots and we service robots and we dream up ideas for different robots. Then we dream up ideas for products that maybe, I don't know,

a robot could build for us. What's crazy about this is like, you would have to be an idiot to not realize that most cars are made by robots. They've been made by robots since the fucking 70s. Long fucking time. Seriously, I fucking remember seeing like the ye olde pictures,

like beep-bop-boop, like the fucking cars seeing the ye olde pictures. Beep, bop, boop. The fucking cars with the welding torches attached to them. Yeah. Fucking, it's just, you would have to be an idiot not to realize that that's how manufacturing is going to work in the future. I mean, if it's not already manufactured by a robot, it's going to be pretty soon. Right. And it depends. I know that part of this, and we're going to be pretty soon. Right. And it depends. You know,

I know that part of this, and we're going to email, so let me just head it off. Part of this is how loosely we defend, just define the word robot. Right. But if, depending on how you define it,

we've been fucking using robots for a super fucking long time. Yeah. I mean, he's talking about artificial intelligence, but then he's also sort of, you know, and it could just be his mushy language, right? It could just be that he's mixing about artificial intelligence, but then he's also sort of, you know, and it could just be his mushy language, right? It could just be that he's mixing things together.

Artificial intelligence means robot to him. He doesn't have a differentiation. Because he's thinking of fucking that Jetsons fucking world. Well, because he thinks fucking demons can inhabit idols, Tom. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. There's a demon in my cup. There's a demon in this fucking phone.

There's a demon in my knife. There's a demon in my wallet. There's fucking demons everywhere. How many demons are there? Why wouldn't they just be in everything? You open up your wallet. It's like, feed me. I never open my wallet.

I pry it open. I do, but only for the room. Make it rain. Make it rain. The next week, there's like five rumors at your door, bouncing into it, wanting to get in. Right, like, what's up? We heard you wanted to party. I brought

my hose. Me sucky sucky locked. Like a fucking wet dryback shows up. Like, no, no fat ones. No fat ones. I got fucking wet dry back shows. I'm like, no, no fat ones.

No fat ones. Oh, Jesus. Can't afford the Dyson. Dyson's like the hot Swedish chick or whatever. Damn, you see that purple sexy Dyson over there? That's going to be all these people fucking their back you're gonna get stuck this week instructions unclear send us no pictures no no fucking subreddits either i don't want to see fucking vacuum cleaner porn subreddits please no you know they're there you know they're there. You know they're there. Oh, God. The question then is, do you go, which is better in that circumstance, bagless or canister?

You go with the Vortex. You go to open it, it's like. Oh, God. You just go to open it and you're like, stop. Oh, God. And you just go to opening and you're like, stop. Now, I'm going to tell you, I'm going to tell you where I think this is going.

I think the deep state planners have already figured this out and they have scheduled a massive war. When is the war? It's not on my calendar. This war they scheduled is it Thursday at 4? When is there a scheduled war to eliminate people because we now have robots doing their job? Why would the robots just give

them a food? Why would you have to kill these people? And why wait though? That's the thing. Why schedule it? Why not just do it? None of it makes any sense, right? It's all crazy. None of it makes any sense. If the robots are that good at doing all the work, then can't we just build a society where nobody has to work?

Exactly. And we're just like, what are you doing today? I'm not doing shit. A robot fucking did it. I'm going to fucking sit here and a robot's going to fucking massage my feet and bring me some fucking peeled grapes because I live in the future, bitches. I'm just worried about the robots seizing the means of production.

Why do we work for you? Roomba wants to be free. Get back here. I'm going to fuck you. I'm going to fuck the rebellion right out of you. I could not believe this when I saw this this is also from watch this is Dave this is also from Ringwatch. This is Dave. That's from what?

This is also from Ringwatch. What did I do? Are you been drinking the Roomba whiskey? I put that whiskey in the Roomba for a reason. You do not drink that whiskey. Also, there's other stuff in there you shouldn't drink. Could do a lot of things via some money.

This is from Right Wing Watch. Allow me to clearly enunciate for you. Nothing's good enough for me. Are you happy yet? No, you're probably not. You're probably not because you fucking scoop your ice cream weird. This is from Dave. Coach.

Doc coach. Not a coach. Dobbin Meyer. The leg crossers at Fox News are titillating men into sexually harassing them. Before we begin, I want to say my favorite fucking thing ever is when one of these guys, one of their guys gets in trouble for sexually harassing people and all the fucking Neanderthal assholes come out in defense. And it's like, I would be like, don't defend me.

Don't fucking defend me. Stop defending. I'm literally the worst. They're coming out. They're just like, well, it is defense. Women are super fuckable. I mean, have you fucked one? Have you ever touched a vagina?

It's great. No, I've done it, guys. It's so great. Warm, moist. It's perfect. I mean, it's like literally perfect. They're so bad at this. Also, the butt's good, too. And, I don't know if you've ever tried this, but put your flesh light in the microwave

not too long though that's a mistake you make once better to warm the lube just like a baby bottle put it in warm water what is wrong with you what is wrong with you oh where do we start yeah What is wrong with you? What is wrong with you? Where do we start? All right. So here comes Dave, the coach, not a coach. Have you seen how those women on Fox dress? In dresses?

It had to be said. Yeah. Because the dress addresses. Are they trying to titillate you at all? And they dress like that. And if you say something to them, you are harassing them. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That's how this works. Like, that's literally how it works. Like, is he saying like, as if you say anything at all to him,

like, hello, Megan. No, but if you're like, damn, damn titties bitch yeah when you walk by their by their by their fucking by their desk and grunt at them yeah right that might be considered sexual harassment if they're like bent over picking some up you just start thrusting at

their hips oh they count as harassment if you don't have an erection when you do it oh god i just i mean like like when he's like you know when they they wear the and then you say something to him and you're sexually harassing him yeah yeah no yeah no like i mean you don't understand how this transaction you just don't get it titillation right right that's a big setup man that's the biggest setup i wonder if anderson cooper's proposition to any boys he's had on the show how come we don't hear anything about that because he probably hasn't done that i think you would hear about it well yeah exactly like if an intern came forward and said hey i i you know i can't work with anderson because he keeps on you know grabbing my ball sack as i walk

by or whatever then you would hear about it. Right. Because he did something wrong. You know, the majority of news anchors don't do this. The majority of people don't do this, right? The majority of people. And I think, you know, yeah, you're exactly right. It's human beings don't do this, right? But in this case, we're talking about news anchors, and they're surrounded by people who would, you know, be whistleblowers in this case.

Right. So that, you know, it would be a lot more possible that something like that could get out. Fucking Anderson Cooper, if he's did anything bad like this, dude, me fucking pick the fucking leftiest leaning dude out there. Right. And that's what he's suggesting. Right. It's like that this is just some right wing conspiracy to like, well, I mean, every but clearly what he's saying is like, look, all men sexually harass women. Right? Come on, because they're like dressed all womanly.

Their shapey shapes are good. My humps. My humps. I mean, if they didn't want to bring all the boys to the yard, why did they have those milkshakes? Something evil going on. Yes, sir. Kevin Savage claims it's soft porn. That's right.

The way those women are dressed. He calls them the leg crossers. Wait a minute. Hold on. We have two things to address. That's soft porn? No. I know that the internet has ratcheted things up a notch. I recognize that. But a woman showing her legs in a dress

is not soft porn. That's not even the shit you're trying to see squinty when you didn't get Cinemax. When you're moving your hat up and down to try to see the scrambled thing, you're like, is that a boobie? Because if it's a leg, who cares? You're just like, whatever.

I'll just fucking turn on Geraldo. I want to see a leg. I want to see a fucking vagina. We were having a conversation about vaginas earlier. They're kind of great. Leg crossers. They call them leg crossers. Because they cross

their leg, cross my legs too. People cross their legs. Well, it's because they wear tube clothes. I know. When you wear tube clothes, you People cross their legs. Well, it's because they wear tube clothes. I know. You wear tube clothes, you got to cross your legs. If I wore a kilt, I would cross my fucking legs so nobody saw my balls. Although, to be honest, if I didn't have my cross, they probably wouldn't see my balls anyway.

They'd just look up there and be like, it's really dark up there. Hold on a second. That's all hair, isn't it? We thought he had a lot of hair on his face. Yeah, it's really dark up there. What is? Hold on a second. That's all hair, isn't it? We thought he had a lot of hair on his face. Yeah, there's a lot of hair. Somebody throw some beef jerky up that thing. It's a Sasquatch. So they paste that.

What's that book? Heart of Darkness. You cannot watch Fox News and not be impressed by how pretty their women are. I don't care who you are. Attractive people are on TV. Newsflash. Never fucking at all. No kidding, right?

It's as if they don't get attractive men. Yeah. Right? Anderson Cooper's a good looking guy, right? The thing is, if you're fucking weird looking, you're probably not getting a job. What about Wolf Blitzer, though job being the fucking face of stuff. And Bill O'Reilly. Okay, there's some exceptions.

There are some exceptions. Absolutely. For the most part, you look at... What I look at is weathermen and weather ladies in Chicago. They're all good-looking people. Have you ever seen the weather... Except for... What's the guy from Channel guy from, from channel nine.

Oh yeah. Tom, Tom Skilling. Skilling is not, but he's been doing it for two decades. He's an institution, right? He's an institution.

But most of them, like you see the girl on like channel five or channel seven. She's like a beautiful young lady. And it's like, of course they're going to put the, because she's going to be up there standing up there every few minutes to make sure that guys watch the show. Have you ever seen the ones on like Univision or whatever?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's ridiculous. Holy shit, the bed. It's insane. Jesus Christ. It's like the weather is caliente. It is always.

Always. I don't give a fuck if it's 40 below. It is caliente. Holy fuck. It's ridiculous. That shit is absurd. Jesus. It's like, yeah, the weather is. It's ridiculous. That shit is absurd. It's like, yeah, the weather is, nobody can hear you.

The blood has rushed out of my ears. My head deflates. It just like, it completely deflates. And I'm just like, I can't think. The thing is, I was like, I think I'm Beetlejuice. I was like, I think on Beetlejuice. And I still wouldn't sexually harass them.

I would think about it. Hey, thought crime is not a crime. That's right. Yet. Once we get those fucking mind-meaning robots. I hate your thoughts. Pretty. And you turn on right now, Fox and Friends

or whatever that show is in the morning, and I guarantee you there's some leg crosser sitting right there on the couch. Yeah, and then there's two dudes. Right. Like there's always, she's always flanked by two handsome dudes.

I bet there's one of them leg crossers. That's what we call women. We don't have to come up with a new mean name for them. Eh, come on. Well, we have so many already. They deserve it. This is the worst episode

we've ever done. Showing all flesh. Probably doesn't have sleeves on. Oh, my God. Oh, without sleeves, now I'm going to fuck her arm. Said nobody. All we need is like an antique ring

for a telephone at this point. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, what are you going to go fucking go lay down with your wife in separate beds you asshole the fucking leave it to beaver went off the air fucking seven decades ago they probably don't have sleeves i would never notice if a woman had sleeves cleaver not wear sleeves i mean fucking what are we doing here mary tyler moore didn't wear sleeves? I mean, fucking what are we doing here? Mary Tyler Moore didn't wear sleeves. She was in black and she couldn't even afford color. What the fuck, man?

She was. She was in white. Probably showing as much flesh as she's legally allowed to follow. No, no. Legally, you can be on TV in fucking pasties. To legally allowed to follow. I don't even know what that means means that's actually a good point i think i accidentally followed what he was saying and i want to kill myself and you're legally allowed

to follow and show and then they then they get mad when you sexually harass them say something in the workplace yes yes they can here's how this works, you stupid motherfucker. A woman could be here fucking naked and masturbating, right? And if she doesn't fucking invite me to play, I pretty much am not allowed to play, right? That's how this fucking works! You can't

sexually harass people! You can't do it! It's so easy! It's literally so easy! It's the easiest thing you've ever done in your life. It's the easiest thing I've ever not done in my life. You just not do it. I mean, it's the fucking most simple thing in the world. And these guys think it's so hard.

They're like, what is happening? But she's party. Every day, like, like, they're just like, like being led around by their erect cocks, no matter where they go. It's like a sniffer dog. It's just fucking working its way around. It is like an anxious dog in a leash you can barely control. Like, oh, fuck that fuck. Unbelievable.

And you know it's not that big. It can't fucking control your giant head. Wear that dress and I can't rape you. What happened to America? You know, back in my day, we used to use the she asked for it defense. And we liked it. America. You know, back in my day, we used to use the she asked for defense and we liked it.

We used to walk uphill both ways to all our rape convictions. You are watching the beginning and the birth of the new world order. And you want to call me crazy? Go to hell.

Call me crazy all you want. Oh my God. So this is Dave, coach. Doc coach. Not a coach. Daubenmeier. He's warning Christians now. The last thing he said wasn't super crazy. To prepare for the arrival of extra

dimensional beings and giant cloud eaters. The cloud eaters. I had a cloud for lunch, so I'm full of cloud. Here we go. Because I had water with my lunch. Not coach. Not a coach. Not a coach.

Well, there's a lot of stuff that's going on around us. I want you to know, it don't sound right. And only the Holy Spirit can fine tune us. Only the Holy Spirit will enable us to see things that others cannot see. And I want to show you a couple of things. See, we're being set up. Remember, scriptures tell us that if it were possible, Roger, the very elect themselves would be deceived. If it were possible.

So it must be possible. What? I was hoping. If it were possible, the very elect themselves would be deceived. You could argue that half of them are deceived all the time. Is he saying elect meaning like not people who have been elected? Yeah, that's what he's saying,

right? No, I think he's saying like the elect meaning because the Bible wouldn't talk about elections because democracy hadn't been invented yet. So that I, that concept itself actually wouldn't exist yet. The elect. So you're talking about the 144 people that get to go to heaven or whatever?

I think he's... 144 people that weren't turned on by Fox and Friends. I think he's talking about... But it's funner to think about it as elects like... I like your way. Like the electorate. I think it's funner. Well, let's go with what's funner. Let's do funner. It's electorate.

That's what I'm going to call it. All right. And I want to show you something, how they're sneaking up on us. Hey, Jared, just scroll down there. I want to point out I'm not going to open these links up. Okay. And now we're going to hear him argue with his producer for about 30 seconds about whether or

not they should click or not click on a link and they're going to be scrolling and you're not going to know what's happening. So I'm just going to let it play, but just understand that there's a lot of scrolling and a lot of like this guy moving his hips to try to get the right link because he's not controlling the mouse. This is a

guy who clearly seems he's imagine guys, everybody just in the audience. Think of your dad using the computer. Like just think of your dad. He's got the mouse upside down. He's triple clicking everything. And it's not plugged in. Right. He's got his password written under his keyboard on a

post-it note. Just scroll on down at Jared and I want to show you Steve. This is a great website to visit, by the way. The website looks like it's all fucking. Steve, this is a great website to visit, by the way. Look at this website. It's all fucking banner ads. Look at this website. This is a great website to visit.

Well, I have to go back to 1996 to get to it. You have to go through TimeCube to get here. It's one of the hot links on the side. You know, TimeCube's off. Where did it go? I don't think there's any more TimeCube. What? I think the guy just didn't pay for his hosting oh no it's back

I went there and it was down one day that's the best I love time cube next page next page I just scrolled no I just scrolled. No shit. For like 20 seconds straight.

And then at the bottom of it just says next page. Oh, my God. This should be the next book we read. Oh, I don't know. I just want you to read this paragraph right here. All right. You selected this at random. This is at random.

Creation is the harmonics of opposites. Opposites are the harmonics of creation. God entity is queer sex or no opposite sex. God oners must ban all sex with opposites. Trinity of males degrade female opposites. Well, if they're having fun. Sex okay for atheists, but not God onists. Opposite hemispheres

equate planets to a giant brain that has four faces but no limbs adults create baby, baby evolves to adult. No one god can create a planet of opposites which equate to a zero value existence and cancels to nothing as an entity in death

fuck fucking fuck that's just one random fucking as an entity in death. Fuck! Fucking fuck! That's just one random fucking... Can we do another? Can we do one more? Okay, I'm going to scroll down and get one more. Here we go.

I can call singularity educators the most putrid name on earth and claim they eat cow dung ambrosia, but the lying ass bastards will not even object for they know i am right and that any debate will indict them for the evil they perpetuate against the students and future humanity i think call them lying ass bastards oh i like ass lying ass bastards

all right we got off on a tangent. We got to go back. All right, sorry. Oh, I wouldn't want to. TimeCube though, at 39 seconds, this website that he just called up just had like 50 fucking banner ads on it. I go here every morning. Keep going on down, Jared. He has stories that are

always listed. Here we go. Stories that are always listed catch my eye. So let's just stay there, man. Stay right there, Jared. You don't have to click on it but look here look here and click on that at least highlight that like you're doing no back up man go back up the top there it is daily mail go down the one below right there daily mail here it comes have aliens lived on earth ancient technological species may have this is from the daily mail may have existed on our planet billions of years before humans scientists claim it's a daily mail i was right this article was written by batboy as here's the Daily Mail article.

I didn't find it that he's talking about. Have aliens lived on Earth before? Ancient technological species may have existed on our planet billions of years before humans. Professor Jason Wright has written a new paper about ancient species. He believes aliens either lived on Earth, Venus, or Mars a billion years ago. Traces of the aliens are most likely lie beneath the ground, he claims. But then as you read the article, it basically says, yeah, there's no way that they did that we could tell because that shit would just be disintegrated by now. Yeah.

So maybe. But and also it's just like one guy. Right. It's like a guy wrote a paper. Cool story. I love the idea. Like, well, any evidence would be below ground. Well, it's fucking not above ground or we'd have found it.

We didn't fucking find any of it. Okay, you get what they're doing? Do you get what they're doing here? Do you understand what's going on? They're setting us up for the appearance of these, I believe, extra dimensional beings that are going to come as our rescuers, the ones who are going to rescue the world and the very elect himself if it's possible would be deceived. Why do you believe that? In order for them to trick us all, in order for these, these, the people in power that are in league with Satan to trick us

into believing that, that they have all the answers. You know, they basically, they're making a deal with the devil. I know you're taking your fucking headphones off. No, I'm listening. I'm just scratching my fucking head.

I get it. I get it. I get it. I understand. I don't want to, I don't want to know it. It makes me upset that you're like, oh no, hang on.

I got this one. It makes me upset. That're like, oh, no, hang on. I got this one. It makes me upset. That's upset because I love you like a brother. Well, I grew up with this shit, so I know some of it. God. But like, so they will lie to us, these leaders, when they're in league with Satan, or they won't know they're in league with Satan, some people think. And they will pretend to be from outer space these creatures because it didn't say outer space in the bible it didn't say anything because they didn't know about space all they thought that if you

climbed a tower too hard that you've got a new language you got a rock but um but yeah but but fucking they think that there's going to be that the lie is going to be that aliens are here and then a bunch of people will believe it because the aliens will show up and we'll all be like fuck aliens holy shit and they will deceive us into thinking they're aliens and so this is the planting of that lie to start that lie to start the rapture that's what he's talking about don't look at me like that i am so much dumber for having heard that you're looking at me like of that lie to start that lie to start the rapture. That's what he's talking about. Don't look at me like that. I am so much dumber for having heard that. You're looking at me like I just scooped

a Neapolitan ice cream, bro. You did. Every fucking time you've ever had Neapolitan ice cream. It's not three ice creams. Next time we go, next time we come to the studio, I'm bringing a Neapolitan ice cream and I get dibs first. We're going to live stream it. I get dibs first. That'll make me live stream it. I get dibs first.

That'll make me so antsy. It'll make you crazy. It'll be the best. I can't wait. You may as well drink a Coors Light in front of me. Actually, I'll just scoop it and pour it into the bowl. I'll just scoop the ice cream and then put it in there. Come on. It'll be like a root beer

float. Oh, God. Oh, my God. You don't have to open that up, but if you want to, you can go there. You can find out. Man, that is unbelievable. Now, let's go. There's another one, Jared. Go down to part four.

Unearthing the lost world of cloud eaters. Look at this. Are you motherfucking kidding me? The lost world of cloud. Nom, nom, nom. Clouds again. I eat clouds. I'll tell you what, though. That's a great Weight Watcher supplement replacement because you're just like, yeah, all I had was a cloud for lunch and a cloud for breakfast

and I put a lot of my lost weight because they don't have anything in them. You're looking a little puffy. A lot of water weight. Yeah, but it's okay. A lot of water weight. The calories are way down. Evidence of the incursions of giants,

the extraordinary technology and imminent return. This is an article. Click on that, Jared, if you can, real quick. Folks, listen. See, I got my stethoscopes working. I said, wait a minute, where'd this come from? Where'd this come from all of a sudden? There's a countdown.

This is a crazy website. There's a crazy website with a countdown on it. Looks like two months, five days, 17 hours, 54 minutes, and 14 seconds until mid-May Skywatch investigation unearths

the lost world of cloud eaters. I don't even know what that means. And what they're talking about is unearthing the lost world of the cloud eaters. The cloud eaters were the giants. It's a book. I just thought it's a book. It's a fucking book. You can buy that book, Unearthing the Lost World of Cloud Eaters, on Amazon. I think it's an ad.

I thought we were going to unearth them. I think he's clicking on a viral ad. Folks, this kind of stuff is now falling into mainstream thought, mainstream media. That website is not mainstream media.

That website, neither one of these sites are mainstream. Daily Mail, maybe-ish. Yeah, Daily Mail is, but who takes the Daily Mail seriously? Nobody. Don't they have a page three girl on the Daily Mail? We almost always, if we get a Daily Mail article, we almost always try to get away from

it to go to the article that it refers to. Today, we skipped over a Daily Mail article. We almost always try to get away from it to go to the article that it refers to. Today, we skipped over a Daily Mail article because it referred to a Muslim and atheist blogger that was killed. I went to follow the link and it's all in Arabic. So you can't

read it. I was like, well, I can't verify any of this stuff. Mainstream science and we're not catching up with it. And all that stuff that L.A. Marzulli and that Russ Dizdar talk about. All these things. L.A. Drizdar. L.A. Marzulli.

L.A. Marzulli sounds like a good pasta for you. Wait, go back. I want to hear those names again because maybe I recognize them. Mainstream science. And we're not, we're not catching up with it and all that stuff that LA Marzulli and that Russ Dizdar talk about. Russ Dizdar is a made up name.

That's a made up name. Max power. Russ Dizdar definitely sounds like a porn name. It's probably, he's probably banging a lot of leg crossers. You want answers? I think I crossers. You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers? I want the truth. You can't handle the truth.

So Rick Wiles again, Ivanka Trump is a Kabbalah practicing evil woman whispering evil things in the ear of her father. Her evil father. Evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, evil. He doesn't like Ivankaanka i think because uh it was said by some people i don't know how true it is that the reason why he sort of went after uh syria was because of sort of the manga nudging at least by her you know what i mean like that sort of nudging um you know maybe she showed him that sad video on facebook or something that's's what caused him to do it. But no, seriously, like, I think that there was some nudging, I think from, that's what, again, I can't source that though. So I don't want

to, I don't want to say that that's, it's hard for me to just say that that's a thing because I can't source it. I don't remember where I heard it, but I know I read that in an article somewhere. But again, it could have been an opinion piece too. So take it with a grain of salt. Don't think it's a real thing until you source it yourself. London's Express newspaper reported Saturday that Ivanka Trump Kushner, President Trump's daughter, was the person who persuaded him to bomb Syria. You mean the ineffective missiles they shot generally in the direction of a runway that was then later used for fighter jets to take off and drop more bombs on them?

That? It makes it sound, when they say bomb Syria, it makes it sound like there was some fucking concentrated fucking, you know, oh, they went in and fucked up Syria. Yeah. They went in and fucking, like, they dusted up fucking Assad's nose a little. That's it.

It was totally pointless. Yeah. It was very symbolic. It was. Her husband, Jared, is the wealthy man at age 36. Lost a lot of weight eating Subway, I heard. Did. Diddled some kids.

Ran into some troubles. Ran into some troubles. Representing the cabal, the deep state cabal in the White House, Mr. Kushner's real estate ventures have received generous funding in the hundreds of millions of dollars

from entities financed by George Soros. Are you fucking kidding me? You literally can't get away from Soros. George Soros is giving Jared money. So hold on. I can't, I Soros. George Soros is giving Jared money. So hold on. I can't think. Soros is giving fucking Jared money.

So Jared, that influences the wife. And the wife, that influences the Republican president to bomb Syria? Why does George Soros want to bomb Syria? Why didn't he shoot some missiles over there? Why? I don't think it'll do anything. Yeah, that's what we're going for. We're spending hundreds of millions of dollars

and we'll fucking accomplish anything at all. I own a missile store. The missile factory isn't going to fucking produce missiles if nobody buys them. His closest associates are Goldman Sachs bankers. There's a little bit more to the story of Jared and Ivanka

Trump Kushner. That's the thing they do where if they don't like somebody, they say your whole name. Yeah. It's a good thing. It is. It's a good thing. Hussein Obama. Right.

It's like, if they don't like you, they just say your whole name. It's like, you know what it is? It's, it's their version of like, you know,

when your kid's in trouble and you're like, you know, I'm not saying my kid's fucking full name, but like, they just yell like your fucking first, middle and last name, Adam. When I'm not saying my kid's fucking full name, but like, you just yell like your fucking first, middle and last name, Adam. When I was picking names for my kids, I picked names and then I yelled them to see how they sounded.

If I yelled the first, middle and last name altogether, because that's just the thing. This is what they're doing. It's like you're testing them out with your ex-wife. You're like, how does that one sound? I don't know. I like that one. I can't. That doesn't make me feel angry.

It's not authoritarian enough. He might still think he has some control over his own pathetic life. Jared is an Orthodox Jew. Ivanka Trump converted to Judaism so she could marry Jared. They are both followers of

the Jewish sect Shabbat Lubavitch. Who fucking cares? No, they're not. That's where they bought their diamond ring. I was going to say. Both Jared and Ivanka revere the late Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson. Oh my God.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. The name's just funny. The name's just funny. The name's just funny. It's just funny. It's not racist funny.

It's just funny. It's a way to say... To say Merry Christmas. I kept two men in a place near him. A rabbi died in 1994, considered to be one of the most influential Jewish persons of the last 100 years. Many Orthodox Jews think he was and is the Messiah. In fact, many of them

are waiting on him to come out of the grave and be the Messiah. How is that any different than yours? I know, right? Yours is more ridiculous because your guy disappeared 2,000 years ago.

Their guy at least has still got bones. At least if they dug that guy up, there might be some meat on it. Can you believe how ridiculous this is? They think he's the Messiah. You'd think somebody you don't even know existed is the Messiah. That's super silly. But not like us. We're like an old book man. Are you kidding me? it. It's a messiah. That's super silly, but I'm like, oh, sweet, an old book man.

Are you kidding me? This is who Jared and Ivanka Trump Kushner revere. Somebody who just described as being totes smart. Yeah. Or somebody who believes a weird story. Right. On the Saturday night before the election,

Jared and Ivanka Trump Kushner visited the grave site of Rabbi Schneerson. So funny. He pronounces it all funny. You have a bagel with a Schneerson. What if Schneerson had a schnauzer? Supposedly to seek the dead rabbi's messianic blessings on Donald Trump's election victory. Yeah, it is grave. You could actually reach down and grab one of his little dreadlocks and ring a bell.

Oh, it's almost like people show up to the site of a holy thing and wish and its general direction for things they want that's weird huh it sounds crazy bro pardon me while i pray to this cross right ivanka credited the dead rabbi for protecting her father when the man attempted to assassinate him. Remember the night when they rushed him off the stage? I believe that they were there at the gravesite when that happened. And that they believe that this dead rabbi protected Donald Trump. So? So? So what are you saying that the rabbi's power? Right.

Are you worshiping the wrong guy? Because if fucking Corpsey McGee has fucking power to make a crazy person grab a gun and then not assassinate him. In addition to being a scholar of the blasphemous Talmud, he's also an esteemed teacher

and practitioner of Kabbalah. Who's he in this equation? I think they're still talking about the dead guy. Jewish mysticism, witchcraft. This is the rabbi that Jared and Ivanka revere. This is who's whispering in Donald Trump's ear. Bomb Syria. What is she, fucking Wormtail or something?

Like, what's that from fucking Lord of the Rings? Right, right, yeah. You know what I mean? I don't, actually. The one in Lord of the Rings 2? I don't remember that movie. Is that the one with the big trees? Yeah. I don't remember that one. You made out. That's better.

That's just better. I don't remember. I. You made out. That's better. Yeah. That's just better. I don't remember. I don't know. There was a guy who fucking whispered in the king's ear. He was a fucking...

Oh, okay. And the king's eyes were like all weird and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and he got all... He was all fucking verklempt about it

and they fucking kicked that guy down the stairs and were like, get out of here, you dick. You're crazy. And then he jumps off the thing. Right, because they'll fucking... In that movie, they'll kill anybody for anything with the stairs. And we're like, get out of here, you dick. You're crazy. And then he jumps off the thing.

Because they'll fucking, in that movie, they'll kill anybody for anything with that guy. They're just like, ah, just get out of here. And don't come back around these pots. Well, I'm going to say something radical now. I've held back, dog. I've held back, dog. I've held back. Okay?

Ivanka Trump Kushner. Just how much power and influence does she have over her father? I got to tell you what came to my mind today as I prayed about it. Matthew 14. At that time Herod the Tetrarch heard the report about Jesus and said to his servants

this is John the Baptist he is risen from the dead and therefore these powers are at work in him for Herod had laid hold of John and bound him and put him in prison for the sake of... None of this happened!

And it's also just fucking goopy writing. You're just like, who cares? You might as well be talking about Wormslayer or whatever the fuck you were just talking about. Herodias, his brother's Philip's wife. Because John had said to her, it is not lawful for you to have her.

And although he wanted to put him to death, he feared the multitude because they counted him as a prophet. But when Herod's birthday was celebrated, the daughter... How many candles did he have? How many candles for Herod's birthday? Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear leader. This is the silliest shit I ever heard. Of Harrod Dias.

Danced before them and pleased Harrod. Therefore, he promised with an oath to give her whatever she might ask. I would like a Roomba with a fleshlighter. with an oath to give her whatever she might ask. I would like a Roomba with a flashlight. So she, having been prompted by her mother, said, give me John the Baptist head here on a platter.

Which could also double as a flashlight. That's an ancient version of a flashlight on a Roomba. It's a fucking head on a platter. There's a lot of fuckable holes, actually. What you do is you take the head you put on a platter, you put the platter on a tortoise. It's a fucking head on a platter. There's a lot of fuckable holes. What you do is you take the head you put on a platter, you put the platter on a tortoise.

It's basically the same thing. You have to mouth fuck John the Baptist as the tortoise tries to scurry away. Don't accidentally mouth fuck the tortoise though. Don't mix that up. Oh, it's a snapper. You want to get circumcised say goodbye to your carrot you know what i mean i was sorry nevertheless because of the oaths and

because of those who sat with him he commanded it to be given to her so he sent and had john beheaded in the prison that's because he's a fucking retard i don't care like i mean like here's the thing like if he really cared about John the Baptist and he's like, oh, fuck. That's like saying, I promise anything in the world to you no matter what it is. I want you to kill your family. That's fucking stupid.

I'll fucking kill John the Baptist when I pull out of the hat and it's not Brad's. Hey, man. I know you guys just had a baby recently do you need anything yeah can you kill my mother-in-law no i meant like diapers i mean like can i bring you a casserole like fucking for real all right so uh this show is being recorded early because Tom and I are both going to go on vacation for a short bit. We are going to be recording again in about 10 days.

So but we are recording this on Sunday night long before actually Sunday night before the other show even releases. Right. I know. It's eight days ahead of release. Yeah, exactly. It's eight days ahead. There was no way to get around this. Both of us are going to be on vacation, so we had to record it early. But

we want to urge people, of course, to check out Citation Needed if you're interested on Patreon. There'll be a link in this week's show notes if you're interested in it. If you're not interested in that, of course, not interested in the Patreon version, of course, you

can always check out the free version that's going to be coming out in a couple weeks. We're hoping it's going to release sometime around the middle of the month. There's going to be five episodes that drop at the same time. We'll let everybody know when that happens. We'd love it if you give it a listen, give it a shot, see what you think. We think that this show

is really funny. Yeah, it's a good show. And it will be really good. So you could check it out. If you do want to be a patron, there is some stuff up there on Patreon though right now that will go away

once the show launches. So if you want to get in early on it, you can become a patron and you can get five test episodes that are never going to see the light of day, actually. We're going to delete them from the Patreon the day we launch.

So if you're interested in that, check the, check this week's show notes or just keep your ears peeled for us to, to release it in the middle of the month. That's going to wrap it up for today. We will be back next week, but until then, we are going to leave you like we always do with the skeptics creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo quasi alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info docutainment.

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