Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 373: Poorly Summarized

Episode Date: August 14, 2017

You can find Poorly Summarized here:  Stories covered in episode: 

This show is brought to you by AdamandEve.com. If you go to AdamandEve.com right now and enter GLORY, the code word GLORY, G-L-O-R-Y, at checkout, you'll get 50% off almost any item, a free sex swing, and free shipping. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. This is cognitive dissonance, skeptical, political, you know, their drill, whatever. Anyway, we wound up recording a bunch of shows in a row because Tom is moving and I was going on vacation to avoid helping Tom move again. So we wound up recording a bunch of shows in a row and we wound up missing one of the intros. We wound up getting all the rest of the outros and all the

other stuff set up, but we did miss one intro. So I have to sort of improv an intro here. This is a recording we did a couple of weeks ago with Mike Smith and a couple other stories tacked on at the end. So we hope you enjoy it and we hope you enjoy the rest of the show. We'll be back with a full show next week with some more very timely topics. Maybe between now and then Trump will get impeached. Okay, probably not. Enjoy the show. Okay, probably not. Enjoy the show. So joining us today is Mike Smith from the Poorly Researched. Is that what it is?

I don't know. I didn't do my research. Yeah, you didn't do your research. Is it something like that? Something like that. Yeah. Summarized Poorly. No?

No. Maybe my... It's close. Mistaken again? It's close. This is episode 411. No, I feel like I'm a poorly summarized podcast. Thank you.

Really, really touchy subject. But sorry, what? Did you say thank you? You're welcome. Thanks for joining us, Mike. So guys, let's just get, we got to get a couple of things out of the way. And I just apologize that I'm about to gush here yeah but i want you should apologize because that snapchat you sent me was inappropriate

and if you're gonna gush get a couple clean access and i know come on i know you can tell i screenshot it and i did but still inappropriate appreciated inappropriate i don't listen i i'm not new to snapchat i didn't Snapchat my own dick. I didn't know Mike was a black guy. No. So I've been out of Mormonism for, it's fairly recent. It's probably been about three years. And when I was kind of newly coming out, you know, anybody that's experienced leaving religion, especially a more fundamentalist religion, knows the insecurity associated with it. There's like this, you know, you're just a weird amount of shame.

And I don't know how I just like Googled best atheist podcasts and and yours came up. What? You know, it's funny? You know what's funny? You used the word best? Yeah, yeah. You used the word best in your search term? Yeah. How many pages into that Google search did you go?

Yeah, what happened was, if you're looking for the best podcast, this isn't it. That's what happened. So, yeah. We get it. No, you didn't let me finish. So, after I scrolled through 50 pages of Google and listened to every possible podcast, I finally fell out of yours and out of pity. I think these guys need some listeners.

You pity fucked our podcast. You pity fucked our podcast. Thank you. I appreciate it. Thank you. You know what's funny? As a random, it's serious.

So I found yours and random side note. Thank God I You know what's funny? As a random, seriously, so I found yours and random side note, thank God I'm atheist came up as well. Total random side note, but I happen to be really good friends independent of all of this

with Mark Hoffling. I don't know if you guys know who he is with thank God I'm atheist. Nothing to do with podcasting. He fills in all the time with them. But a friend here in Salt Lake who would also love Salt Lake.

We'll get more into that later. But anyway, I used your podcast. I'm not kidding. I like binge listened to your podcast while I was designing. It's almost frightening. It's while I was designing a skyscraper. I was particularly working on the structural system

on the roof that was like holding the skyscraper up. I'm not a structural engineer. No, it's while I was designing a skyscraper. I was particularly working on the structural system on the roof that was like holding the skyscraper up. I'm not a structural engineer. I do. Those people are all. So like I'm, I'm working on this skyscraper and I'm just binge listening to your show. And I totally,

totally helped me. Like it was like you and Christopher Hitchens that I was listening to and whole totally like, Jesus Christ. Span spanning the spectrum, right? Some highbrow, lowbrow work. So who's the highbrow? Who's the lowbrow? Yeah, we're highbrow.

Oh, yeah, yeah, of course. Hitch. And so it's funny. I don't know if you guys have experienced this, but if you've ever worked on a project while you're listening to something else, when you see that project, it just creates an association. So that skyscraper is now done, and anytime I see it, it's like

intrinsically linked to your podcast. So you guys are also a skyscraper. Did you hide anywhere in the systems, like our names? Did the girders spell us out somewhere inside? As soon as it falls down, it would be the best.

All that's left is a glory hole. It'll be like 9-11. After it falls, it'll spell out Cecil and Tom. And people will be like, whoa. And I'll be like, I need to get on an airplane. The reason I ask is my dad does woodworking. And so anytime he does woodworking, he finds some place in the interior of whatever he's building and he writes his name and the date.

Yeah. And then that piece is that little wherever he wrote it, it's hidden somewhere in everything that he's done. Right. So it's just like it's like an Easter egg in the woodwork. He's like a virus. Right. OK. So I was just wondering if maybe there's a structural deficit somewhere and that would be our Easter egg in the woodwork. He's like a virus. Right. Okay. So I was just wondering if maybe there's a structural deficit somewhere

and that would be our Easter egg. I had structural deficit. What's a blonde system? This collapse is brought to you by... You guys are the jet fuel that would melt the steel beams. So this is what I'll do for you. And I will do,

so I do renderings, like architectural renderings as well. Like I make, you know, designs just look pretty. And I put, I populate them with people, you know,

images. And so what I'm going to do with, for you guys is I'm going to find some photos of you and I'm going to crop you guys into a professional rendering. And I will send it to you oh i will be for your amusement that will get a place of pride on our wall absolutely we'll hang it we'll frame it and hang it it'll be the very best i will make sure that it is somewhere at least for one of our live streams where we can see it on the live stream and the people who ordered are gonna be so pissed never getting another job again like millions of dollars you know what's funny i also do renderings

for the um lds church occasionally oh i gotta say this little i'm recording at work right now and so it would be really good if i put you guys inside a rendering can you render me with my dick out and can it be larger than life size put it put us in like that secret weird room that they only let people in when they open it up. Like the weird like dunking room or whatever it is. The donut room.

No, it's like the Heaven's Gate room where they ship off their own planet. Are you talking about the one where they baptize Hitler? No, they just have a weird, I don't know, I saw this video where they let people into the church. Oh, I remember that video. Right as they open it up, you're allowed to go into these weird like 32nd degree Mormon rooms that you're not allowed to go into any other time.

And so, yeah. Are you talking about the baptismal font with the oxen surrounding it? Yeah, that was in that video. That was in that video. That's where they do, Mormons do what they call baptisms for the dead. Oh yeah, that's right. They just pick names out of the past.

That's so gross too because they fall apart when you dunk them in the water. Tread lightly, motherfuckers. I spent 33 years of my life committed to that religion. We don't really tread that lightly. That's so weird. Did you ever do any of those? Did you ever, like, read anybody's?

Yes, you did. Really? No, that isn't. Okay, I heard the judgment in your voice. Really? I heard it. I heard it. I wasn't judging you.

Really? I know. He seems so reasonable. Just a moment ago. So that is normal Mormon behavior to do. So do you have to do the temple work. So do you have to dig the corpse up and then you dunk it?

Yeah, like tea then. Right. They just dissipate in the water. Get the seal, like vacuum seal them first. Like sous vide them. That's nice.

I like that. Delicious. Sous vide is a delicious way to eat a steak. I'm not denying that. Oh, yeah. I can't speak for corpse, but...

How is that different than a steak, really? Yeah, I mean, it's a dead body. It doesn't hurt anyone. So anyway, yeah, so Mormon, yeah, I've done, most Mormons have done this kind of thing. So Mormons believe that there's people on the other side that are converting to Mormonism as well. And because God is like a bureaucratic asshole, they need to get baptized too. I have questions.

Hold on. So let's say I die and Mormonism is right. All right. Seriously, help me walk through this. I die. That sucks. And then Mormonism is right. And so now I'm where?

Where am I now? As an atheist, where did I go? Is there a Mormon hell? No. So any Mormon, any Mormon that didn't accept the God or any human being that didn't accept the true gospel of Jesus Christ in their lifetime, whether it's you're an atheist or a really good Christian, you go to what's called spirit. I think it's spirit prison, as I recall. And Mormons don't believe it necessarily. Wait a minute. Hold on.

Hold on. Is it co-ed? Yeah, it's co-ed. Are there conjugal visits? Endless celestial sex. Awesome. So you're in that region and it's not necessarily hell, but like you,

so in that area, you can convert to Mormonism while you're in heaven. And so if you convert, you need to be baptized. And if you get like baptized, but you don't have a body, so you can't do it yourself.

So people will get baptized for you. And in the off chance that you're one of the people that converted to Mormonism in spirit prison, you get to go to spirit paradise. Oh, I see how it works. Right. So you're just what you're doing is throwing spaghetti against the wall and hoping it sticks.

Yeah, exactly. Oh, yeah. Seriously. Now, I got to ask a question, though. So, like, let's say you're reading through these things and you come across a really hot name. Do you, like, wank one out to it? things and you come across a really hot name do you like wank one out to it or listen you're the baptismal i was like bertha i love that name well i'll tell you i did baptisms for i did i did these baptisms as as a teenager

and you remember you remember when you're a teenager and it was like like once an hour you're like whoa there boy so anyway you're wearing you're a teenager and it was like, like once an hour, you're like, Oh, there boy. So anyway, you're wearing, you're wearing a white jumpsuit. It's like sticking to your body. So I'm just saying like, if anything remotely comes up, you like, that's going to get you aroused.

You, you, I, I, I know firsthand what it's like to be in the baptismal font being like, Oh no, no, no,

no, no, no, not now, not now, not now. Um, yeah.

Wow. I'm not gonna, you know what I mean? I'm not gonna, but, uh, I now, not now, not now. Oh, no. Oh, that sucks. I'm not going to, you know what I mean. I'm not going to, but it might, you know, might accidentally happen. But guys, hold on, though. Let's be clear. Let me be clear on something. Let me ask you two a question first off.

Tom, Cecil, are you sitting down right now? Yeah, absolutely. Okay, good, good. I didn't masturbate as a teenager because I was Mormon and that was against the rules of Mormonism. Teenager starts at 13 and goes to 19. Uh-huh,

keep going. No! Wait a minute. How did you not explode in fucking silly shape? Maybe he was married at 14. It was just banging away. No, let me give you the,

no, I'll give you the age right now. Oh God. 23. Oh my God. Yep. Yes. So,

oh my God. That poor woman is dead now. It's like a fire hose in there this is how well i'm saying don't fuck with my youthful mormon faith because it was able to allow me to wait until i was 23 for any kind of inappropriate touching of myself no that's first of all very appropriate but wow 23. You're getting baptized in this thing and let's say you gotta go to the bathroom. Do you pee in the baptismal font while you're getting baptized? Everybody pees in the

baptismal font. It's like the shower, the pool. Do you pee in there? You just hope that they don't notice the warm spot? Or you're like dehydrated. It's like super yellow. I haven't seen the spot that you just... Or you're like dehydrated. It's like super yellow. Listen, this is... I have a lot of... Oh, shit. I haven't seen the data.

And now as a kind of post-Mormon person, I don't have opinions without data. So I can't say. I see. I get it. But my faithful answer would be yes, everybody pees. Everybody pees. Everybody pees.

I have faith. That's because that's what i want to be true there's just like a science is baptismal font notice there's no p in our baptism wow holy so you left when did you leave the the the mormon faith yeah so I... When he was 23, jerked off, was like, that's amazing! I'm out of here, fuckers! I left when I was 33, but it was weird. I was like a, kind of like a practicing Mormon,

but like closet atheist for years before that. And, you know, leaving a religion like Mormonism isn't necessarily simple for people. So I, you know, stayed for an irrationally long amount of time, but I think what, what did it for me is I was, we were, my wife and I were in Costa Rica for a 10 year anniversary and, um, she was still hanging on to Mormonism. And that was a big reason why I was kind of staying for her sake. And, you know, I still thought church was fun or whatever, social gathering. And the hotel was like, hey, you guys get two free drinks each with your stay. And then my wife kind of semi-sarcastically as we're walking away says, we should use those tonight. And I just said, okay. I'd never had a drink in my life. And we got drunk every single night in Costa Rica. And that was like, that was what did it. Like that, that was the

end of Mormonism for us. I don't think there's a religion out there that can compete with sex and alcohol. I can't imagine. It's like, you'll go to hell. Fine. Look, that sounds fine. I want sex and alcohol. And how long have you been gone? He said, I'm 36, so it's been three years. Oh, wow. Okay.

So, fairly recent. And what about your wife? Is your wife out too? She's out too. Oh, yeah. What about your mom and dad? My dad's dead. Thanks for bringing it up, asshole.

Well, your dad said, well, my mom and dad are dead. Oh, shit, man. God, I've God, I've never been trumped after saying something like that. All right, fine. You win. Well, you know what? And they died horribly, so fuck off.

Jesus. Cecil, I'm glad they're dead. Oh, no. Me too. God, fucking holidays are so much easier now. I mean, just like before, it's like fucking three hours on the road to go visit him on the holiday,

and now I'm like, woohoo, underwear time! It's the best. God. Magic underwear time, a regular. It doesn't matter. Somebody's baptizing my dad and mom right now.

Hold on, hold on, guys. God, I want to arrange that so bad. How funny would that be if I was like, talk to one of my Mormon friends. I'm like, can you baptize Cecil's parents for me? Just because he would love that. Which, P.S., on that note, there is, and let me answer your question in just a second, but on that note, there is a website. I think it's called mormongay.com. I forget what it is exactly, but you can turn your straight relatives gay that are dead. And it's making fun of Mormons baptizing for the dead.

So you can just get on and type in someone's name and it says, congratulations, your dead relative is gay now. Or something like that. That's fucking awesome. that's fucking awesome that's fucking awesome gosh i gotta like when you're fucking big and an uncle dies like yeah fuck you you're gay now yeah so um anyway but to answer your question my my mom when i told her i wasn't uh mormon bless her heart the only thing she said to me was i love you no no matter what you believe. And that is that.

That's perfect. I've had friends get removed from wills and are removed from, you know, divorced from the family over stuff like this. Sounds expensive. Anyway, but yes, it can be. But I've been very lucky on that front. My family's been very supportive.

I also don't give people space to make me feel guilty about my lifestyle. So that helps. But that's a luxury I have. It's easy for me to talk big about not giving people space, but it's easy when my family's cool. Hey, so while you're here, let's talk about this story. This is a Mormon professor who says she was fired for pro-LGBTQ Facebook post. Facebook post, not face post. That's not a thing.

Facebook post. Facebook post. So this was a professor at BYU. And she put something on Facebook. Says this is my official announcement and declaration that I believe heterosexuality and homosexuality are both natural and neither is sinful. I will never support the phrase love the sin or hate the sin because that sin is part of who that person is.

Did not work out for her career. Cecil and I were talking a little bit earlier before the show and it's like you had to know that that was a landmine you were stepping on. You're at BYU. BYU is the home of all these crazy idiosyncratic uh rules and regulations about sex and sexuality um but was this like a scandal out

in your in your neck of the woods or tell me a little bit so i this this actually articles everywhere all over kind of the ex-mormon world right now and just i'm seeing it on facebook pop up quite a bit um and more a lot i think the mormon response the faithful mormon world right now. And just, I'm seeing it on Facebook pop up quite a bit. And more, I think the Mormon response, the faithful Mormon response is kind of what you're saying, like, you know, how would she not know better? You know, if, you know, if she has these beliefs, why would she want to work there anyway, kind of attitude. But I think a lot of more open-minded Mormons are a little frustrated because there are Mormons that support gay marriage.

And one of the LDS, uh, leaders called a, an apostle, um, he, uh, Elder Christofferson, I believe is his name. He said that, uh, Mormons can publicly support gay marriage and not, uh, be threatened with excommunication. Now she wasn't excommunicated, but she was fired from her job. It's tricky, though, because we want to say, shouldn't she know better?

But we got to also keep in mind, they're the ones that are the assholes, BYU. Because her post was essentially, could have been summed up with, hey, I'm not an asshole. That's it. Yeah, but she has a job where her job is to go to asshole schools.

Yeah, sure. I mean, you know, when you are, you know, teaching seminars to the KKK, you can't walk in and be like, I really like black folks. Yeah, yeah, sure. You can't do that.

They're going to kick you out of the white hood club. And this is essentially the same thing. She's saying, look, I like, I like gay people. I don't think there's anything wrong with them. And then you have a whole school and a whole system, a religious system. And well, although even though I think the Mormons said that they don't like, they don't, they don't think that being gay is bad anymore or something.

They had a thing going back and forth about that a while back. And I've heard that too, right? I've heard both sides. I've heard, not really, that's not really true. I know the answer. The answer is, it's okay, it's not a sin to be attracted to other men, or if you're

members of the same sex, as long as you don't do anything about it. See, that's stupid. Yeah, exactly. It's like, it's sort of like saying it's, there's nothing wrong with being black just as long as you don't act black. Yeah. Or whatever.

As long as you wear white face everywhere. Yeah. As long as you cover up. Yeah. As long as you wear a mask. Everybody needs to act like Carlton from Fresh Prince of LA. That's it. Like you can be black,

but you have to do the Carlton all the time. Every time. Just all the time. Yeah. And so anyway, but, but you have to do the Carlton all the time. Every time. Just all the time. Yeah. And so anyway, but, but she is, she is,

she is in sort of this, this system. You can't, I don't think that there's anything, you know, I mean, one thing you don't do is support this school. One thing you don't do is send your kids to this school.

If you're a progressive, sure. Don't send your kids here. You know, that's the answer. Because there's also something to be said where she's sort of, by working for BYU, you could argue that she is complicit in this behavior. Sure, absolutely. I think you kind of have to, right?

Like, she wakes up, she goes there. That's where she's chosen to work. It's not like, you know, if she's a professor, it's not like she accidentally arrived there, right? Like, that path to professorship is not the path to other jobs right like the job that i have i got by accident i got my job because i called around needing a job and somebody eventually was like yeah we're hiring and fast forward 16 years later i'm in i'm in the same industry that's not how professorship works no you're not calling her around like, I'm real smart about stuff. She was a student there. I think she just got her undergraduate degree. She was an adjunct faculty that was about to start her graduate studies at BYU-Idaho. She was going to use teaching to help

pay for that. But the reality is, so yeah, I am 0% surprised that she got fired. It is a little annoying that somebody can get fired over a private Facebook post. But I can also think of scenarios where, as a liberal person, somebody posting, like, if somebody went on some anti-gay rant privately and was a professor, yeah, like, they would maybe deserve to be fired as well. So it's not like I'm fully against it on principle. But the reality is, like like her getting fired from BYU is the best thing that has ever happened to her in her entire goddamn life.

It's not to say that, you know, so maybe some of the outrage coming from us is a little bit of pretend outrage because it's kind of like, yeah, no shit. Like, thank God you got fired. What a stupid job. You shouldn't work for a bigoted organization like this. If you even have a modicum of, of, of like moral seriousness. Right. So, you know, maybe she did this, maybe, you know, I don't know. Right. Like I have no

idea, but you know, it strikes me that this might be a good way. If you're like looking to make a change in your job, you're progressive, you're at BYU. It's like, fuck it. You know what? I'm going to let them fire me and it'll blow up. It'll be a fucking news story. I know I'll get another job somewhere else

and I'll expose these assholes for being assholes. I can make a bigger deal out of this than they can. Right? Like, maybe that grenade is a signal, right? That would be interesting

if this was a deliberate strategy. You know, who knows? I'm sure that there's a lot of Mormons out there that want to believe that this was a conspiracy on her part. But it's, I don't know. Would we like her more or less if she did it on purpose? Oh, I would like her so much more. I think this would be a great way to be like, first of all, there's something kind of amazing

about like leaving a job of making them fire you. Yeah. You know? And then if they fire you for being a decent fucking person and they expose their fucking hateful bigotry in the process

and then you get to make it into a great big news story about how your boss was a dick. That's like, that's all wins. That's just wins across the board. I do have to backtrack just for one second and say, one thing that's important,

we talk about her being complicit if, you know, Mormons may be being complicit in bigotry, even if they're not bigoted themselves. But there is something to be said about, like, thoughtful people staying to try to make Mormonism better. Because let's be clear every time one of these people leaves mormonism mormonism gets worse and more scary so the reality is part of me wants as many open-minded gay gay loving um mormons to stay mormons so that because mormonism

is not losing money it's only gaining money and and power. And it's losing its liberal contingency. Really? Yeah, oh yeah. It's not declining like all other religions? No, it's declining as its growth rate is declining, but its assets, I'm just saying, there's a whole real estate wing. It's like they're

getting so much money and power. It's like Scientology, for example, has a lot of power even though there's not a lot of members because they just have so much goddamn money, right? So, more or less, it's like an estimated $7 billion a year in tithing alone. And that's only a fraction, I think, if you look at its real estate holdings and assets. Like, no. Like, the high-rise I did that I told you about that I associate with cognitive dissonance, the owner of that building is the LDS Church. And it's one of the most prominent skyscrapers in downtown Salt Lake City. So I'm saying, you know, they're a powerful organization. So part of me is like, yeah,

I kind of like the idea of her staying Mormon. It's an interesting, yeah. Because I'll tell you, as a thoughtful Mormon, like, so I was an atheist Mormon. I taught Sunday school. And I never said something I didn't believe. So I would speak my mind. I just I'll tell you, as a thoughtful Mormon, like, so as an atheist Mormon, I taught Sunday school, and I never said something I didn't believe. So I would speak my mind. I just wouldn't divulge. Like, I would hold back certain information. And I discovered that one or two thoughtful people in a Sunday school class can influence the whole discussion with 50 people in the room, right?

Yeah, that's a good point. So, you know, I think part of me hopes she stays not for her sake, but for Mormonism sake. How about that? That's a really interesting perspective, something I've never heard before, because what what I hear is people can't live a lie. That's what I hear in the emails that we get and the people that we talk to. It's always I can't, you know, once if you're ignorant, it's okay. But once you, once you realize that it's not the truth and that it's not a real thing, you can't ever go back. You can't ever sit in the pews of the church and feel like you're having a moment like you did

before. And so they don't feel authentic. And so they reject it. But, but it's a really interesting point to say, even if you don't feel authentic, you can still help other people be good people and not say anything that conflicts with your beliefs. Yeah. It feels like, it feels like, you know, I don't think you could do that and be a Catholic because I, I went through the Catholicism thing that like the Sunday school stuff, whatever it is, the cat, I don't know. CCD? Yeah, that's it. I don't know what it stands for. It says CCD.

That's what it stands for. All right. Yeah. But it's like Catholic stuff. I don't know. Catholic stuff is spelled with a C. But anyway, so it was but it was all, you know, I mean, it's Bible study. There's a lot of Bible study in there and then they're talking about the Catholic rites and things like

that and it'd be hard to talk about transubstantiation and not, you know what I mean? Like, I don't know how you would have that conversation. Can you be a Manchurian Mormon? Sure. Because it doesn't sound like you can be a Manchurian Catholic. Well, I can speak from experience. A lot of it depends on what your congregation's like.

But in my experience, I was an atheist Mormon for a solid three years. Now, I should qualify it by saying now when I visit a Mormon church for any reason, which I now kind of actively avoid, like even if there's a family, like a baptism or something, I just don't go. But I'm saying, now I'm so out of it, it's just like the whole time I'm weirded out. I'm like, whoa, cult, cult, cult.

I don't consider Mormonism a cult. I call it a cult-adjacent religion. But still, I'm saying all these bells are whistling in my brain when I'm in a church. But when I was used to it and it was part of my community, I would just try to open up discussions. So I thought Mormonism was utter bullshit. And I would have legitimately enjoyable conversations in Sunday school. I would teach Sunday school regularly and have had a blast. And I would even occasionally have Mormons out open-minded. They would out open-mind me. I made up a word. They would out open-mind me.

That's a phrase, actually. Anyway, it is possible, but I'm not suggesting it's possible for everyone uh some people are just living places where like they're just gonna get shut up and and i'll tell you for me i got to the point where that wasn't it wasn't sustainable for me part of the reason why i left is like i was just started to just get angry the whole i was i i went moved to a new congregation um and it was a different dynamic and And I was just angry every Sunday. So then when I was already angry and then I drank beer and then it's like, okay,

I'm gone. Comes in in a dirty tank top. He's just like, you don't know me. You're the one brown ale where you ruined me. Fire, fire, fire.

I'd realized that I was, I'd really jumped the shark when I called one of the revered Mormon leaders around a bunch of Mormons. His name was Elder Packer. I called him well, a Mormon at a party with the Mormons from my congregation. I said, yeah, Elder Packer's a bigot.

And I was like, I realized that that was a moment when I said that I was like, yeah, you know, I'm, I'm not, I'm, I'm done. I'm out of this. I'll see myself. Yeah. Yeah. That was, that was an,

that was one of the more awkward social situations I've put myself in. Um, so anyway, I, uh, yeah, I went from going to church every Sunday, like every week to just zero boom, cold Turkey. I was done. Wow. It was beautiful. So you, you still Utah, though. Oh, yeah. And I love it. Yeah. Uh-huh. Do you live in Salt Lake City? Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. And you said, we were talking earlier, Salt Lake City is pretty liberal, you're saying. Yeah, it's super liberal. Like, as I was mentioning, we have a gay mayor.

We have a vibrant... No, we have a vibrant gay community here. Salt Lake is famous for its uh there was recently a boston globe article calling um you know so i forgot what it was calling it exactly like one of the hippest cities to be gay and kind of kind of article um just there's such a strong uh i think it's uh some of my gay friends have described it as like like all the gay people in the intermountain west kind of flock to salt Lake City that still culturally like the Intermountain West, uh, culture, but, uh, as you know, but can't be gay in, you know, rural Montana. So they come to Salt Lake City and, uh, yeah, so no, it's,

it's, uh, like super liberal. Like there are signs, there are like, like everybody in certain neighborhoods have liberal signs all over their yard. You know, it's like obnoxiously liberal sometimes. And I'm liberal. So anyway, the point is come to Salt Lake. Listen, guys, why don't you come out to Salt Lake and I will show you how wonderful it is. And you know what? You know what?

If you convert to Mormonism while you're here because you realize you were misjudging it, I wouldn't blame you can i get baptized do i have to be dead first yeah listen i could that would be funny to try to figure out a way to like hack into the computer system so you could get posthumously baptized yeah yeah look yeah i'm willing to play flatliners for this. So, all right, Mike, tell us a little bit about your podcast. You've got a podcast, Poorly Produced or something. I don't remember what it's called.

I don't know. It's some kind of bullshit name, poorly something or other. Yep. I told you this is a touchy subject. And in the email exchange, it's like, I'll agree to be on this podcast as long as you don't make fun of my he's, he jokingly calls himself the time cop, but he's, he's the grownup. He's the Harvard guy. And I, I, I just, uh, I say the inappropriate things and we, uh, yeah. So dynamical never work. Yeah, I know. Any other show I've listened to with a similar dynamic bores the shit out of me.

So anyway, but yeah. So comedy news, we, and I'll tell you, the way we got started was, A, it was, if it weren't for cognitive dissonance, I wouldn't have a podcast. Now I'm on episode 90 this week. I shit you not. You guys were like,

were like, it's motivated me so much. I was like, I gotta, I, it was on my mind to give this a try. And I'd been bouncing off this idea potentially with my, with my co-host and Justin. And then when we got started, when you guys remember, um, gosh, I want to say it was a year and a half ago, November. Um, uh, when the LDS church changed their policy where they wouldn't allow the children of homosexuals to be baptized. Did you guys hear about this? I don't know that we heard about it. No, I don't know about this.

Oh, yeah, this is terrible. I mean, it's old. It's not news because it was a while ago. But yeah, so anyway, in Mormonism, if your parents are gay, any of your parents are gay, they have to be married. They can't be in a, like, they can't gay, any of your parents are gay, they have to be married. They can't be in a like they can't be as long as they are gay married. You cannot be Mormon until you're an adult.

And at that point, you have to denounce your parents. Shut the fuck up. Really denounce your parents. Yeah. Uh huh. Jesus. Like no publicly or just like, you know, to your dad. Because I did that every weekend. Right?

That's what I mean. Fuck that guy. You don't understand me. Slam your door with their concert poster on it. You have to record the argument and then you have to post it on Facebook

and then they'll be like, okay, okay. Be serious. No. God damn it, Dan. I'm going back to Hot Tops. So, Dan, I'm going back to hot tops. So somehow you have to make it clear that you don't accept their lifestyle when you're 18. Fuck.

And P.S., you might say, who are the children of homosexuals that want to be baptized anyway? And I personally know friends whose parents, one of the parents was gay and they, you know, they separated and they remained totally believing faithful Mormons that went on missions just like I did. But like they wouldn't have been able to get baptized if this policy were in place. And so anyway, it was this crazy policy. Just the institutionalized discrimination against the children of homosexuals. It was just taking it to a whole new level. So once it came out, my buddy Justin was like, we're going to talk about

this tomorrow. We're like, we're going to just decide what our podcast is like as we go. And so we started the podcast just to vent about that issue. And then the podcast just evolved from there. And we, we know we're like largely an anti-Trump show. So we have like, one of our most popular segments is called Trumped Up, where you have to spot the fake Trump quote. Oh, that's clever. Yeah, it's pretty fun.

I go in blind, Justin does it. And then me, we always have a different guest every week. And me and the guests try to guess what the spot the fake Trump quote. And then we, you know, we do funny news. And like the thing where our liberalness shines is in a segment called stupid shit. My friends post where our listeners like send us like stupid Christian or conservative memes. And we, we make fun of them. And, you know know we got a question from twitter oh no oh no we mentioned we mentioned that you're gonna be on the show and this person sent a message and actually

this is a this one of the real questions that we got oh yeah bunch people bunch people were sending back and forth and i know that you had a bunch of back and forth with a bunch of people but this is the real one so i'm gonna read this one i know this is from zika baby that lived which is a fucking no. The best fucking, the best Twitter handle ever. God, it's amazing. Oh, gosh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It says, real question. How do we have fun in our little bunkers of podcasts and social media, yet still encourage ourselves to look outside the bubble and honestly evaluate our beliefs

and think a little deeper about the issues of life, politics, environment, everything. Hmm. And you guys want to start with who's got to start? Because I promise you, I have an answer. I just, you know, want to give you guys the floor. It's your show. I always let I always let the host come first. We mean, go talk first. We actually, if that was on my mind normally, this show wouldn't be this show. We recognize, I think Tom and I recognize the echo chamber-ness of this show.

That's how it started and that's how it's always been. We encourage people to seek out other opposing viewpoints all the time. I mean, there's other people out there who make great podcasts about that stuff. This isn't that show, though. So for us, we don't do that. We don't normally do that. I think the question might be asking,

how do you do it outside of that podcast? And if that's the question, I think the only thing you can do is just what are you supposed to do but follow your interests? Let's be blunt. What are you supposed to do with your fucking time other than follow your interests? And if politics is one of your interests, then you follow it.

And you've got to try to follow things honestly. Right. And we all we're all in a position, I think, where we understand that there's a tremendous bias problem on both sides of the equation in news. And so, I mean, other than like like you said, like seeking out alternative sources and finding opposing viewpoints, you know, I have trouble doing that sometimes. Because when you seek out this side and you seek out the other side, they both feel so obviously biased. They just both feel like bullshit. It doesn't feel like a good use of time. Sure.

Trying to find something that feels neutral and I want to say normal is really challenging. And I know that I know that the sources that I trust the most are accused like the Atlantic. I like the Atlantic very much. I think the writing of the Atlantic is excellent. I subscribe to the Atlantic, the actual paper magazine. I read it when I poop. Like, I love the Atlantic. It's got a liberal bias, though.

Like, it supposedly has a liberal bias but i gotta tell you i can't see it when i read the atlantic it does not read biased to me yeah so i don't know that i know that answer and i'll tell you it's it's for me i i don't have a problem with bias i have a i have a problem with bad reporting and bad writing so like that's the you know so so I have a problem with Fox news, not because it's conservative. It's just because it's crazy. Now I understand there's some bias in me that, that leads me to think it's crazy, but yet I, I, I, I go through Vox's headlines and all of them seem totally sensible to me, even though I think if I were

more conservative, I would be, I'd be, I'd be appalled. But I think, first off, to what you're saying, we all have busy lives. And I'm not interested in making a lot of space socially to surround myself with people who don't share largely my worldview, just because that just requires too much work. And I just don't have a lot of space for socializing. That's what, for me, has been the legitimate value. This is going to sound like a joke, but I shit you not. This is the value of having in-laws. Yes, because my in-laws— Because you're forced to me that the South was better for black people pre-civil rights.

Shut the fuck up. my wife and and like i'm interested in a long-term relationship like where where like i find myself forced to have conversations with people with drastically opposing views not just opposing like reasonable people disagree opposing but fucking stupid ideas right so wait and now hold on i gotta stop you just really quickly like was her argument the darkies didn't know how good they had it like what the fuck? No, the argument, the argument is before the civil rights movement, they all,

the black and white people used to just work together. They just respected each other. Yeah, we'll all lynch this guy together. It was great. Hey, on one,

two, three, he. When they put the guy up there, all the black people are singing along with him. Coom. Listen, it was a totally bizarre conversation that I regretted even having.

I was like, how did I get into this? They all worked together, but only some of them got to vote about it. What should we do today? Oh, your vote doesn't count because you're black. Yeah, it was one of the most bizarre conversations of my life. Guys, this was just three weeks ago. I mean, this wasn't, this was recent.

This is an open wound we're discussing right now. Yeah, this was not a conversation you had in a time machine back in 1936. I'll tell you, I wasn't my, in terms of coming at a conversation with empathy,

I wasn't my biggest self in this particular discussion. But when it doesn't get crazy racist, right? And it's more like differences. I found that I've been able to have genuinely enjoyable human connection and interaction with people with ideas as crazy as this person's, when I'm just trying to speak to them in a way that I'm trying to not judge their points of view, but understand them. And so I found that to be an interesting exercise that I will do on purpose because I kind of have to. I'm about to spend a whole week, seven days in a cabin with no internet, with 40 people from the South. And I literally leaving in two days. What are you being punished for? What is the family reunion? This is Mormon

hell prison? Are you dying? Mike, are you going to come back to us, Mike? Run away from the light. Could you guys do some sort of like atheist baptism just to make sure I'm covered. But anyway, so it's going to be an exercise in me trying to just understand who they are. I shit you not, I do those

when I connect with people. They're going to wear your skin. That's what's going to happen. There's value. Look at me. Oh my. Hey everybody. Liberal flappy flappy flappy. skin that's what's gonna happen there's value look at me i'm mike hey everybody i like gay people i don't care about hillary's emails look at me i'm with her fengazi didn't matter that much That much? You're going to die. All right. Guys, I'll give you some follow-up how it went.

Maybe we should bring a recorder. Definitely. Definitely. Send us a fucking audio file from the afterlife. Jesus. Well, I know someone will have guns, so. We'll just get an EVP of him. Yeah, right.

Is there Dropbox in heaven? How is this going to work? Wow. It's funny to think about that there's a chance, considering what's about to happen, that these are going to be my last recorded words. What's on cognitive dissonance? So you said, the more I love you, the glory holds. To my wife and family, I just want to say to my wife, my final wish is for the love of Jesus. Would you please make sure my kids don't become Mormon after I'm gone?

That's the only thing. That's my last wish. So on your podcast, you talk a lot about Trump. What do you think about Trump and the current sort of like the threat he gave to Mueller and things like that. Like, how do you think that that is progressing? Like, what do you think about that? Hold on.

You know the threat that he was like, he's like, if you dig into my financial records, that's a red line. Oh, sure. Yeah. And so basically that means he's going to try to fire him. Well, Mueller was like, I'm going to dig into your financial records that's a red line oh sure yeah and so basically that means he's gonna try to fire him well mueller was like i'm digging into your financial records financial records you can't fire all of you keep firing behind the record yeah and he did this thing same thing with

comey where he's like gives this threat like well you better hope that this isn't recorded yeah exactly um and like what do i think about it like it's it's getting it's my standards are getting so incredibly low like my standards for outrage at this point yeah that it's like like it's sort of like that is bad but like honest to god is that any worse than like his average fucking tweet like Like, like, like all of it, all of it is so bad at this point. I just don't know what to be mad at. So like, yeah,

it's, it's, it's terrible. It's like something we haven't seen. I wouldn't be surprised if presidents have done this behind closed doors, but to see presidents just openly threatening people out in the open, like, like,

like, you know, this is the same person that said he would kill the families of terrorists. Remember that when he was running for office? Yeah, he said that. We all forget. He said so many terrible things you can't even remember them all. He said so much, you almost have to keep a journal.

Like, today, he did this horrible thing so you can flip back to him and be like, oh, fuck, I forgot about that. I feel like the only way to deal with him, like, my anger is like a lawn sprinkler. It's like tick, tick, tick i'm not being hyperbolic when when i say he says something at least once a week that would bury anyone else's yep like absolutely i agree even now in this climate if if like lindsey graham or somebody else even just some republicans said something something like he said, it would bury him. But it's just like we're exhausted with outrage.

It's that SNLs get lowered expectations. It really is. What do you expect from him? He's a mean-spirited, bigoted, angry old man. That's what he's going to do. If you guys had to pick between Trump getting impeached right now and the next term and the term after

with Mike Pence. So seven years of Pence, Trump gets impeached right now, or Trump finishes his full term and we have whatever Democrat wins next election. What would you pick? Oh man,

I pick, I pick Trump finishes out because Trump isn't getting anything done. Trump is a, just, he's just a shitty, awful person who makes America look like a fucking bag of assholes. But I will say this, that guy can't fucking find his ass with two hands.

He can't fucking get anything done he's like trying to bluff people and he's failing like unless we get into a like a nuclear war or something with somebody then i think that i would rather have i think i'd rather have trump for for three more years three and a half more years that's what i do want to say like i love the i love that trump thinks he's the biggest swinging dick in the room because he's the president, right? And it's like, man, he walks up to some of those sitting senators that have been fucking in the Senate for fucking 30 years. Those guys are power all day. They are power all day.

They've been at this game. They know this game. They fucking have eaten your fucking heart for lunch before you knew it stopped beating. And he's like, oh, bluffing with my business savvy. Before you knew it, stopped beating. And he's like, I'll bluff him with my business savvy. Motherfucker, get your fucking shit out of my house. Well, they're all just like, every single person's like, do it. And they walk away.

And he's like, but I was bluffing. Thing is, like, you get caught bluffing once, and everyone's got your ass now. Everybody knows. That's why you never make a threat. You only make promises. I got your ass now. Everybody knows. That's why you never make a threat. You only make promises. One thing I keep chiding liberals over is they keep making like criticizing how much this man is

golfing. And I'm just like, guys, guys, guys, we don't want him to fucking work. Like, I don't do nothing. Please keep golfing. I want Trump to break every golfing record. I want him to golf every day. And we should just flip the narrative

and just start celebrating golfing. Hell yeah, man. I'm with you. Fucking A. That's brilliant. That's exactly where you need to be. I've never once cared about his golfing. I don't care.

Go golf, dude. Whatever. That's bullshit. You know, like him not being at the White House on the weekends means he's not working. That's perfect. Go to Mar-a-Lago, rape a person, do whatever you got to do. Well, we're going to hear about that.

I'm sorry. I think I just heard something. If he took a three-year-old vacation, I would be like, yeah, great, man. Fucking right the fuck on. Yeah. I feel uncomfortable right now. He's not likely to rape you. It's fine. Unlikely.

Not impossible. Was that like an insult to me? Were you guys... Are you saying I'm not rapable? You guys are saying I'm not. I'm not saying I look awesome naked, but... Six and a half. Nobody's saying you look awesome naked, but... Six and a half.

Nobody's saying you look awesome naked. Six and a half. Okay, we've got to transition off that. Mike, if people were going to find your podcast, where would they look? Well, you could search for Poorly Summarized. We're obviously on any app, but we're poorlysummarized.com. And we're at Poor Summary on Twitter. And you can also join the Poorly Summarized podcast

Facebook community is where we get a lot of our interaction as well. Mike, thanks for joining us today. It was a lot of fun. Yeah, this was great. Guys, it's such, I am so just flattered

and honored to be on your show. That's because you're from Salt Lake City. You know what? Listen, I just knew I might be vulnerable for just five, like just a split second. It was just going to give you the space. You see, this is why my heart is typically a vault.

Because of assholes like you. All right? I take it back. I take it back. Well, Tom, the swing is still in effect. I would go so far as to say that this show is in full swing. It's still in full swing. It is in full swing.

We're getting into the swing of things. And if you want to get into the swing of things. Hey now. Right? Hey now. Transition, motherfucker. You can go to adamandeve.com. Caliente.

Right now. Caliente. It is Caliente. We should, even though the code is glory. It is. Eveniente. It is Caliente. We should, even though the code is glory, even though the code word is glory, we should consider seeing if they could add Caliente.

So you can use either one? Yeah, we'll see if they'll do it for us. I don't know if they will. I like it. We'll get in touch. Glory is the code word at checkout. And if you use that code word at checkout, you'll get free shipping, a little extra something, a 50% off almost any item,

and a free sex swing. That's a lot of stuff. That's a lot of stuff. That's a lot of stuff. And if you want to, you know, stimulate your clit, stimulate your balls,

get a fleshlight, buy, you know, lubes and juices of any kind. You can also get that sex swing and all that free stuff and get free shipping. All you have to do is use Gloria. Check it out. AdamandEve.com. They're a sponsor of the show.

They're a great sponsor of the show. They've been a supporter of the show now for quite some time. Look, here's the thing guys. You're already fucking. Yeah. Right? You're already fucking. You may as well do it for half off. Might as well. You can fuck twice as often. Yeah. With juice. Right?

Come on. This is fucking gross. This is from Ars Technica. CDC warns against eating placenta in case you needed another reason. Didn't need another reason because I'm not a fucking cannibal. I think we learned our lesson from the daughter party

episode of Citation Needed. What I enjoy is a big plate of scabs after a latte. Jesus! I gotta tell you, like, my ex-wife hung out with a crowd of people that did this fucking placenta milkshake and encapsulation and all that fucking crazy ass shit. That's bullshit. Unless you're

going to eat the baby like an unwitch in the placenta. Nobody should eat an unwitch. It's true. If you're going to eat a baby, a nice baguette. Or ciabatta, right? The reason why ciabatta is because the baby would sort of nestle

because it's sort of hollow in there. I would do a good pita bread. I would do a pita bread, some hummus. I guess that's okay. That's not bad. You don't want to go with the brioche. It's too rich for the baby. It just overpowers the baby if you get the brioche in there.

Plus the brioche is just good on its own. The brioche is fine. And you want to stay away from a schmear of placenta on it too. You just want to stay away from that. You want placenta on it, too, even. You just want to stay away from that, I think. You want zombies? This is how you get zombies, guys. You get a bagel with a schmear. Right?

Can I have a schmear of placenta on there? Why are we eating human organs? Why are we doing that? Hey, you squirted that out of your vagina. It looks delicious. Honey, what's for dinner? It's like eating a plate of boogers. It's delicious. Honey, what's for dinner? It's like eating a plate of boogers. It's disgusting.

God, it's disgusting. Oh, I have this fucking big plate of pasta, toenails, and boogers. Do you want to dig in? Do you want to dig in this big fucking nasty plate of garbage that fucking fell out of my body? Do you want that?

It's so ridiculous. I don't understand. It's so ridiculous. And I know, and I know, I know that there's probably five or six people that are going to send us emails like, oh, I ate the placenta. I felt really good because it was good for my postpartum depression. I fucking genuinely don't care. Like, I don't care. It's disgusting.

Okay. I'm not talking about any effectiveness, non-effectiveness, none of that. I'm talking about it's gross. It's gross, and it is. Like, the CDC is like, yeah, there is no health benefit for this. There is no health. You know why? Because there's nothing magic in the goddamn thing.

It's an organ. It's a meat. It's a meat. And you know what, guys? It's human meat. It's human meat. It's a meat. And you know what, guys? It's human meat. It's human meat. We don't eat people. You want fucking Kuru or whatever that fucking

brain disease where you get the fucking mad cow for people? You know how you get that shit? No, it's mad people. You have to wear a bell. Look at the fucking prions. You get the fucking prions that fucking eat holes in your brains

you know how you get that? Cannibalism motherfucker we don't eat human flesh because that's fucking weird and you know what though if I'm going to eat human flesh I'm not starting with the fucking disposable internal organs I'm not going appendix unless you got a lot of onions

to cook this with i wouldn't even do it jesus christ and they're talking about in this that the the reason why the cdc says no not only is there no solid scientific evidence that backs any of the benefits that people claim people claim it wards off postpartum depression and they also claim that it boosts milk production there's no solid scientific evidence backing these facts. And we're going to have some fucking, some placenta nutters that are going to send us some email because we also have the anti-vax nutters who listened to us too on occasion because, you know,

there's, they somehow, they somehow think that, you know, maybe they don't believe in God, but they think, Oh, I want to give everybody fucking some shitty fucking disease that should be

eradicated. But, you know, even though there's no benefits whatsoever. They're saying that you have to cook it and then they cook it and they in this story, they cook it, but they didn't cook it long enough. And it had this fucking like fucking this shitty bacteria in it that wound up giving their kid like a terrible fucking streptococcus fucking nasty bit of fucking like flu or whatever and then again it happened again he had strep twice or she had strep twice for no reason because the mom is popping these placenta pills because they send it off to get freeze dried or whatever and encapsulated and then but they come back with these bacteria in it because the older

humans, it doesn't bother, but little babies are like, fuck, this is gonna fuck me up. I just feel like it is self-evident that we don't eat people.

I get it. I get it. You like, like I get it. Like you like to eat pussy, but you don't eat until you're full, you know, like it's fine. You know what you don't do when a woman's having her period, you don't put a drip tray in there. I'm going to save this for later. Just, uh, I'll put a doggy bag. It's just, I mean, do you have to eat the whole thing in one sitting? I think so. I think so. You go medium rare on that placenta? What do you do? Well, that's what they were saying. They said it has to be cooked between...

They cook it between... They slice and dehydrate the placenta at 115 to 160 degrees Fahrenheit, and then grind them... That's a huge range. Grind them within the gelatin capsules, and they're stored at room temperature. That is a huge range.

You know, that is the range of a tuna steak and a fucking chicken breast. I know, right? You know what I mean? Like, that's the range we're talking about here. One you can eat sashimi and one you can't. And for the United States of America to put the power of the federal government

and all of its money and resources behind this transgender movement? It is just nothing short of insanity. All right, Cecil, this story is from Right Wing Watch. This is EW. Ew. Jackson. Preferred pronouns,

they and them, indicate people are possessed by multiple demons. That's why they use the plural, the plural pronouns. My friend. Yeah. All right. Let's listen to it.

All right. Let's listen to it. Here's Johnson. Jackson is a subconscious spiritual admission of demon possession by multiple demons. Yeah. The only person, only single individual I'm familiar with in Scripture

who spoke from the plural pronoun was Legion. Yeah, that's right, because he had one in the butt and one in the mouth. This is just like an archaic function of like a novelty of the English language

that we don't happen to have a gender neutral pronoun. Sure. Exactly. Right. We use what is... Absolutely true. Right. That's all this is. It's nothing else. We use they casually. Sure. And we use it all the time. Like, oh, Bill Colt. What do they want? People do that

reflexively. Yeah. And they will do that from time to time. Now, you can say, what did he want? But people use the plural pronoun all the time without thinking about it because we don't have a gender-neutral singular pronoun. Yep. And so you got to use something. Sure.

It's just a, they has just kind of become this generic sort of catch-all. It was the thing that a non-binaryioNim person could look at and say, okay, that's not one or the other. Right. And it's the only thing in the language that they've had to use as an option. Sure. And so it just makes sense to use. It has nothing to do with its plurality.

Did you see the Doctor Who hubbub? No, I don't know. I've never seen Doctor Who. Okay, so I don't watch Doctor Who either, but one of the things that happened is, I guess, the Doctor, I watched it when I was a kid. Oh, because it's going to be a woman? I heard about it.

Yeah, so the Doctor is now, for the first time, I think, ever going to be a woman. And people were flipping their shit. That's because Doctors can't be women, right? Well, Webster, Merriam-Webster, posted on Twitter a great tweet, which is doctor is a non-gender noun. So doctor doesn't have a gender in the English language.

In response to all this like all you people are flipping your shit but doctor is not something that you can say. Doctor is not male. Doctor is not male or female. Some of those words like doctor are so tied in with our cultural assumptions. You wouldn't think male nurse. You have to say male nurse. It's not male or female. Some of those words like doctor are so tied in with our cultural assumptions, right?

Yeah, right? You wouldn't think male nurse. You have to say male nurse. Yeah. Say male. That person's a male nurse. But you don't say it's a female doctor. Yeah.

And that's funny because now that I think about it, all the doctors I've seen in the last several years have been women. All women, yeah. They've all been women. I don't think I've been to a male doctor. I went to the emergency room and there was a male doctor. But other than that, I think they've all been women i don't think i've been to a male doctor you know i went to the emergency room there was a male doctor but other than that i i think they've all been women although all the doctors i've had in for years me too i and the reason why is they warm their hand have you come to torment us before the time because he had a legion of demons in him. Okay? I mean, think about that. You're not to be referred to by the singular pronoun, he or she, but by the plural pronoun.

They weren't even using English back in the fucking Dizzee. Sure, yeah. Are you kidding? Yeah, what are you going to say? In Aramaic or whatever? Right, those fucking Hebrew or Greek or Aramaic. Fucking ancient dead language that they don't speak anymore. Jesus Christ.

They look at the specificity of language that's used in some kind of biblical tale. And it's like, yeah, but you're looking at the specificity of language in a translation. Yeah. And you're making assumptions about something. Yeah. So that's a fucking genuinely stupid thing to do, which makes you a fucking stupid person. That's what it makes you, makes you a stupid person. To look at like, to get that hyper, hyper focused on this incredible specificity of language when the language that you're reading this thing in is not the original language.

Even if you believe, because if you believe that shit, you should go back to the fucking original. But of course there's no consideration given of that because, ew, Jackson doesn't, and it doesn't even matter because like, it's all made up. Yeah, right, of course, right? Of course it is. Of course it is.

Nobody's full of demons. Nobody's full of demons. Where's my demons? I would love to be infested with a demon right now. Get in my belly. What would be a cool superhero is somebody who does have a host of demons in them that have different things that they're smart at.

Different demon powers. Not even powers. Just knowledge. Imagine if you had inside of you an engineer and then a chemistry one and then somebody who's a doctor and somebody who's like, you know, maybe a fighting expert and somebody, you know, imagine if you had all those different. You could plug them in and no Kung Fu. You know, you don't even have to be a special power person. It'd be like almost having like multiple personalities that know different things.

Yeah, I know. I'm sure there's somebody who's going to send us a message and be like, you know what you're looking for is blah, because it's already exists. Somebody has already thought of it. Well, who's the, they in there. We know who the,

they in there is a bunch of devils. Oh, it has mercy folks. You know what? They don't need a transgender toolkit. They need a transgender toolkit. They need a whole army of psychiatrists. Would psychiatrists get rid of demons?

No, he's going to correct himself in a second. But, you know, I think, again, either one is insulting. Psychiatrists or exorcists. But I was just thinking in terms of being consistent. He's going to correct himself and say exorcists. No, I'd strike that. They need correct himself and say exorcist. No. Strike that. They need a whole army of exorcists.

Seems like a lot of exorcists. Couldn't you have one exorcist? Maybe you just get an exercise tape. There you go. Like P90X. P90 Exorcist. I think you could jazzercise your way out. The fucking demon would just be embarrassed. You're doing the yoga version. You're like, God, I'm so tired. Theise your way out. The fucking demon would just be embarrassed. You're doing the yoga version.

You're like, God, I'm so tired. The demon just falls out of you exhausted. You got to do that hot yoga. Yeah. That's how. Because, you know, they can't handle the heat. Yeah. That or CrossFit.

Yeah, right? CrossFit. They just get injured right away. They're like, fuck, I hurt my back. I got rhabdomycosis or whatever the fuck it's called. My muscles is bleeding all over me. I puked in a bucket and then did a thousand sit-ups. You want answers?

I think I'm entitled to them. You want answers! I want the truth! You can't handle the truth! All right, this story is from Right Wing Watch. This is Cindy Jacobs. This is the woman who believes that if you make spaghetti, you get more spaghetti. You gotta pray over it. You do.

And sometimes your shoes don't wear out. If you pay attention to my spaghetti, and you pray over it, you can turn it into a rigatoni. My friend, that's an angel hair no matter how you cut it. No! It gets as thick as a linguine.

Not that long, though. No, no, it gets, it gets as thick as a linguine. Not that long though. Nobody thought it would be that long. Come on. God has a skilled surgical precise solution in place. Yeah. It's a thumb in your ass. Is that surgical? I feel like things have gone weird. If he wears a latex glove. What do you mean? He snaps. Get ready, son. The solution, Cecil, is to neutralize the threat from North Korea. Is it a final solution, Tom? They're all final solutions when you're God. I guess that's true.

Because of Armageddon or something. I don't know. Anyway, she probably has tires that don't wear out or something. And shoes that she can wear for a really long time. Do you remember the pair of shoes I had where I just walked and walked and walked? And they didn't wear out. And then I had that oil and the oil kept refilling, but like real slow.

Do you remember those poor people that needed shoes? And I just walked right past them. I love the same thing as true of the food. It's like, oh, and then all the teenage boys came over and then I made spaghetti and they all had lots of it. It's like, oh, really? Because there's kids that die of hunger. Yeah. So yeah, there's kids whose little bellies are not full. Yeah, that kid of food may

be full looking. Right. They're distended from fucking malnutrition. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, what'd you eat today? A fly? That's amazing. Awesome. You know what? They're full of a legion of demons. Just transgender people. They're just full of transgender people this is cindy jacobs now let me prophesy yeah and the lord would say i am getting

ready to give you an annoyance she looks so crazy i'm sorry look at her right now she looks so crazy crazy. She looks like to me somebody from a set of the Twilight Zone a long time ago when they tried to make somebody look crazy and they're like, we're going to make a crazy preacher woman. She totally looks like a stereotypically crazy preacher woman. A stereotypically crazy

preacher woman from the Twilight Zone. With like a piggy nose and like the whole package. Yeah, absolutely. She even has crazy preacher woman from the twilight zone yeah i love it she's like a piggy nose and like the whole package the whole crazy package yeah absolutely the whole she even has crazy preacher hair she honestly is the church lady from saturday night live i think is that what it's based on it could be i could be it's gotta be pointing an authority in intercession to avert disasters in your area. And Satan is stirred up and he is stirred up and he is looking for a place. He's looking for an entry point where he can do great damage. But if my people will be like Nehemiah and get on the wall of intercession and build a wall

around America, says the Lord, the Lord's build a wall around america says the lord the lord build a wall around america the lord said that the lord when did the lord say that where's it at what part of the bible does it say build a wall around america that you won't discover for another 1500 years right isn't that amazing isn't it amazing how these fucking lunatics think that America holds some crazy pride of place within their religious system when it wasn't predicted? Like the entire like this entire fucking landmass. Both continents. Right. Just completely unknown and unpredicted.

And nothing. No part of them even fucking thought it could be possible. And they're just like, yeah, well, America's got this super special place in God's heart. Really? Because the whole fucking holy book that he wrote and the whole thing that everybody's basing everything on, he forgot to mention this half of the world. And one day there's going to be a Boise and a Winnipeg.

Right? It's like, get the fuck out of here. It's like, can you hear you? Yeah's like you the how you can you hear you yeah sometimes i'm like can you hear you because i hear you says i will do a work which you would not believe i'm going to expose expose expose that kind of sounds like you a thousand yards of a school though that kind of sounds like you i will do a work that you will not believe. Even right now, the Lord is saying to me, there is something major being planned that in God's will, it's going to be exposed. So let's agree.

There's something major that's being planned that in God's will, it's going to be exposed. That's what she just said. Yeah. That doesn't mean anything. Actually, it means everything. it means it's one of those things that you can say and be like you know there's going to be something big that's going to happen okay yeah great yeah all right it's like who cares you know what man you're just as right like because when i hear that i'm like that doesn't mean anything because it doesn't it but

it means everything at the same time it means it's non-specific it's non-specific so it can mean anything yeah it can mean next week if trump Trump gets impeached, they'll be like, see, that was the specific thing that God was saying. No timeline, no specificity. There's a doing to transpire. Doesn't matter. I can fucking it's it's the biggest dartboard in the world. Together, father, in the name of Jesus, we decree the exposure of terrorist attacks we decree in the name of jesus even kim jong-un and north korea let me stop before she starts talking about kim jong-un

we decree the exposure of terrorist attacks does that mean that we can take the fbi off that now i don't know what that means i think i think i don't know what that means. I think that means she's saying, we are saying that with your power, we are going to be able to expose any sort of terrorist attack that happens in the United States or probably in the world. So what she's saying is that

God's power is going to illuminate the terrorists to us so that we can stop them, not that we've been surveilling them for the last year and have done all this work and put people in danger yeah exactly right yeah and and it's like well can we just take the fbi off it then if that's the case can we just say well hey guys god's got this if we're gonna do that like is homeland gonna get canceled because that sounds terrible it's a great show it's a great show. It's a great show. I'd rather have the

terrorism. I'm just saying it's a really good show. I understand. Sure. Korea is going to have to stop. God gave us this word in Spanish the other day. Basta! Why did he give the word in Spanish? He gave an English speaker a Spanish word to talk about a Korean?

What the fuck is that? A God that happens to be jewish from the mid-east there's a middle eastern god he's so confused what he does is he has like a wheel of fortune where he just spins it and he's like i will tell you what word i'll give you you just gotta let me spin this wheel first he just said bust that like the problem is you stop listening he's saying bust. God has dreads. Stop it! And we decree over North Korea that...

Stop it, you big doody heads! Okay, on the screen, in yellow, at the bottom. In Helvetica. It says, time to be prepared. It's not Helvetica. They didn't pay for it. It's Ariel. It's Ariel. It's fucking racist.

It says time to be prepared. What do you think time to be prepared on the Jim Bakker show means? Buckets. Buckets. Buckets. Buckets. It's going to sell a bucket. That's exactly it. That will be a stopping and the Lord showed me

he's going to do some kind of skilled, surgical, precise solution to what's happening in North Korea. And that he's planning it. And he's got it in place. And the Lord shows me that this is going to be a non-issue one day. If the people of God will pray and there will not be a nuclear attack. California and Alaska will be safe. Come on, Californians and Alaskans. You better get on the wall

and avert this. You better get on the wall and avert this. I don't know. I don't know what the point of her praying is. If she can't do it. If more people have to pray. How many people have to pray? What is the critical mass? How many people have to pray before God is like, oh, y'all didn't want a nuclear disaster?

Well, you all just don't make me feel wanted. So I'm not going to do anything about it. I thought you liked my up here. And I'm going to polish my gun and feed my dog. And you all are just going to get turned into a nuclear winner. I thought you'd like to be vaporized. What the fuck? We all have to pray?

You didn't want that extra arm? That's weird. I gave you the gift of bioluminescence. So we want to thank Mike Smith for joining us today. Now, we had actually recorded with Mike a while ago, but we wound up saving it because the stuff we talked about was not terribly relevant time-wise. So we saved it for a while because it turned out that we,

you know, if we're not talking about a time-specific story, this actually works out well in our favor to save it for a little bit of time. So I want to thank Mike Smith for joining us. You can check out his podcast. Poorly summarized. Poorly somewhat summarized. Check out this week's show notes

and you can find a link to it. Mike was gracious with his time. We want to thank him for joining us. We had a great time talking to him. So check out his stuff. That's going to wrap it up for this week. We'll be back next week. But until then, we're going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble,

pseudo quasi alternative, acupunctuating pressurized stereogram pyramidal free energy healing water downward spiral brain dead pan sales pitch late night info docutainment leo pisces cancer cures detox reflex foot massage death and towers tarot cards psychic healing crystal balls bigfoot, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques, and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands.

Bloody. Evidential. Conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and information provided on this podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. All opinions are solely that of Glory Hole Studios, LLC. Cognitive dissonance makes no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information and will not be liable for any errors, damages, or butt hurt arising from consumption. All information is provided on an as-is basis.

No refunds. Produced in association with the local dairy council and viewers like you. you