Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 380: Naked Mormon at the Gloryhole

Episode Date: October 2, 2017

Thanks to Bryce from Naked Mormonism and My Book of Mormon for coming on the show! You can find his work:  Naked Mormonism:        My Book of Mormon        Stories covered in episode: 

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from glory hole studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome mat, although we were recently reminded that there are in fact welcome that's available for purchase on our website our website at dissonancepod.com and you know who reminded us of that who did cecil it was the inimitable the one the only bryce Blankerfusner. Good job. Did I nail that? I think it's pretty close.

Let me try again. Bryce Blankerfusneran. No, no. The first one was better. The first one was closer, I think. Bryce Blankerfusneran. Yeah, it's an Irish name. If you want to go Italian with it,

it's bacon, egg, and cheese. Ah, there you go. You know this it's bacon, egg, and cheese. There you go. You know, this kid got ripped for that. The best was in third grade. Broke my leg. Oh, it's Bryce Broken Ankle. That's actually really clever.

That's really clever. I love it. So does Bryce Blankenangle from the Naked Mormonism podcast. Thank you so much for coming on the show. Well, thanks for having me in Glory Hill Studios. You are on your feet.

This is more of a kneeling studio. It kind of smells in here. You guys like, you hose it out between guests or you just go like college style. I'm just saying, man, the clubhouse is what the clubhouse is. The clubhouse doesn't change.

You just need a douche like me in here to clean it all out. This thing does need a douche. I'll tell you that much. No amount of fucking vinegar and spring water is going to make this thing fresh. You can steam it. We stuck a jet egg in the fucking thing. So you drove out here from where? We stuck a jet egg in the fucking thing. So you drove out here from where?

I drove from Seattle. From Seattle. What the fuck? What? Jesus. When did you leave? June? I used to be a truck driver, so I've developed nerves of steel and a chrome plated bladder so I can do it.

You were like a long-haul truck driver? I did a lot of long-haul. Or you just had a pickup truck and you just want to sound cool. You had a pickup truck. You had a fucking Ford Ranger. Motherfucker's got a shitty old fucking Ford Ranger. He's like, I'm a truck driver. No big deal. Cut off the exhaust. Sounds like a big-ass truck.

I'm sorry. I interrupt you because I'm rude. You were a truck driver? I did local deliveries, but I spent a lot of time in the cab of a truck, and that's when I started listening to podcasts. I was like, what is this cognitive dissonance? I'll listen to this. Terrible decision.

I love that people find us through desperate boredom. It's either that or if I could jerk off again in the truck. That's how I got married, Tom. I'm literally banking on that plan. It's my only hope. Yeah. So to answer your question, I'm actually down here for a couple of conferences.

So I just attended a Mormon history conference down in Nauvoo, Illinois. What the fuck is that? That's wine country. That's Illinois wine country. And Mormon country. Oh, really? Yeah. Surprisingly compatible with each other.

That's interesting. Huh. I didn't know we had wine country. I live in this state. I didn't know we had wine country. So I actually camped out because it's only five bucks a night. Seriously, fuck the Mississippi

camping right next to it when it's 95 degrees out and 100,000% humidity. That's a very high percentage. That's basically just raining up your ass. It's across the way from Iowa. Do you have to tie

up your food for the corn goblins? They come over like trying to wave their little arms. No, they're not like, they're not that intimidating. Let's be real honest. When you walk, you don't want to surprise them. It's a clang pans together and they scurry back into the

scurrying into the corn. You just play Howard Dean's like over and over and over again and they just scatter. Democrats. Wake up the next day. The half a side of chicken is all picked up. So why was camping next to them?

That was not great. It was a stinky or just a mosquito. Jesus Christ. They were everywhere. So, okay. Most urban areas have mosquito control districts. But for like rural towns, that's just not a thing apparently. And right on the banks of the

Mississippi, it's a fucking swamp land. Before the Mormons got there and drained it, Nauvoo was a swamp. And it's still a fucking swamp. It's still a garbage land. Awesome. But yeah, I just finished that Mormon history conference and recorded with a bunch of historians. Watch a bunch of...

Cecil, can you take a look? Is his head shrinking? Does he have Zika in front of us? Is that what's happening? Holy shit! My swimmers are just like strings now. Jesus. But yeah, now I'm staying in Chicago for a few nights and headed up to uh myth information

in milwaukee this saturday oh well that should be fun good luck that should be a very very fun a completely drama-free conference to go to i'm just glad we can finally have an atheism conference that's not mired in controversy controversy it's like it's always been the little women that caught the vision of giving beginning with jesus himself out of their private means some of you little precious ones have that little grocery money some of that little money set aside assure tonight the blessings of god on your family by giving it to god and speaking that say it god this is for blessings on my family all right so this story is from the raw story it's god's plan north carolina church helped members commit unemployment fraud so they could keep tithing.

Before we get too deep into this, it occurred to me that like, isn't everybody in North Carolina on unemployment? I mean, like, what's the fraud? I don't. Are there any jobs down in the South? Any? No, they've gotten rid of the. They got rid of the coal mine stuff. Yeah.

Because there's only like 70 workers across the country that work on coal mines. What would you do in the South for a job other than leave the South? Like the only job... Do they have people who like clean up the Appalachian Trail

or something? Is that their job? I feel like your only job when you're in the South is to go North. Everybody's got one of those sticks with the nail on the end. Picking litter.

Picking litter on the side. Wasn't that the primary problem with the South as they were exporting all of their labor to the North? Exporting. Exporting, yeah. Oh my God. So it's an evangelical church and they were

basically were taking their believers and saying, you know, what you're going to do is you're going to go and you're going to get on unemployment and you're going to give us the unemployment money. And people were like, yeah, I don't have any money. Like, well, you could fucking file for unemployment and get some money. Like, well, I'm not unemployed. Like, well, file anyway. We need the money. We want your money.

Money, money, money, money, money, money. They took a page out of the polygamist down in southern Utah because they do the same thing. They have all of these children and wives on the books. They collect unemployment for all of them and food stamps and then they go and support

the entire community on government money. Jesus, are they black? Oh my God! Wow! Yes. Well, that's the narrative the Republicans tell you. That's the narrative the Republicans will tell you all day. They'll be like, oh, this is how all the black people do it.

They just have a bunch of kids and then they just live off welfare because that is a good thing. Yeah, well, I love the idea. Because obviously you're pointing out that ridiculous assumption, right? Yeah, it's a stupid assumption. And then the thing is those same idiots who would make that assumption would be like, well, these aren't our kind of white. That's true. They would, though same idiots who would make that assumption would be like, well, these aren't our kind of white. That's true. They would, though. They really would. They'd be like, these aren't like, they're not white like me.

Yeah, no. They're different white. If they were Muslim white, they would be surrounded. Can you imagine if they were gay Muslim white? Oh my gosh. They would implode. This is funny.

Earlier, we were talking before this story. You had pointed out that what they're doing is they're cheating the government by not giving taxes. And then they're cheating the government a second time by asking their followers to cheat the government to then give them the money that they would then cheat the government with. It's like, I mean, that's like the no whammies,

no whammies, no whammies. Stop! And they just get like a fucking, like a rent check for it or whatever. It's so wrong, I wonder if it becomes right again. Exactly! It's so many wrongs in a row. Like, eventually, it's like an Ouroboros of itself. It's like spun around

and you can't see this at home, but I'm doing this whole thing with my arms. It's a rave dance I'm basically doing with my arms. That's international sign language for Ouroboros. It's so commonly used. They have one symbol for it. You move your arms like you're directing fucking traffic at the airport. Like you're listening to dubstep.

Well, this is where they fucked up. They started stealing the government's money. Yes. Right? Yep. You can fuck as many children as you want. You can. You can teach as much demonstrable lies as you want.

But as soon as you start stealing money from the government, you're fucked. Oh, man. Well, actually, that's what got Warren Jeffs locked up back in like 2006 or whatever. This is the guy who was like selling kids or whatever, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, this is the Twin Cities down in Colorado City. And yeah, he was doing Twin Cities down in Colorado City. And yeah, he was doing this food

stamps run around bullshit. And the government's like, hey, you're stealing a lot of money from us. Oh, yeah, it's kind of an ancillary point that you were fucking nine-year-olds. I guess we can arrest you kind of for that. But he got like two life sentences because he was evading taxes

and not, you know, milking money out of it. Two life sentences for that? Well, there was a lot of taxes. The little girls were tacked on. Oh, I see. That was the extra life sentence. Nailed it.

Like literally, like literally they nailed it. Them. All right. So this story is from Huffington Post. Trump evangelical advisor. NFL kneelers are lucky they aren't shot in the head. So, Cecil, you can probably talk more about this than I would. There's some kind of sporting events and the players are kneeling during the national anthem. There was a guy

by the name of Colin Kaepernick last year who started kneeling during the national anthem, protesting the amount of black people that are being killed by police officers. Police brutality. It was a quiet protest,

very peaceful protest, just taking a knee during the national anthem. I'm sorry. Just because I love history so much. Isn't like taking a knee meaning that you're subservient? I know, right? Yeah, exactly.

Isn't that backwards? But I guess they're already standing on the field. So that's all you can. I mean, maybe you could like lay down. They literally, yeah. Hands up. Hands up, don't shoot.

If he put his hands up, somebody would have shot him. They just shoot him. He's a black guy, I assume, right? But so at these sporting events, these guys started. There was one or two that were taking a knee, but it wasn't very big. And then President Trump thought he should talk about it. And then everybody's doing it.

I love it. He solves the problem by grossly exacerbating the problem. He wanted to. I mean, come on. I think this is calculated on his part to try to... Calculated? Coming from Trump? Yeah. I think he's conniving in some ways

and I think that he knows what's going to get him, his base, riled up. He knows these people that are red-blooded american they're like fucking all the trunk nuts they are exactly they are all yosemite sam right and they're all they're all rootin tootin sick shootin i disagree just because the way that you're you're saying this is it sounds like trump is somehow at the top of this pyramid of stupidity. No, no, no. He is a consumer of the information. He gets stupidly riled up about something that's a

non-issue, but he just perpetuates it with his own stupidity. Right. But he just so happens to have the same or very, he might, he might not even have the stance, right? It may not even be a big deal. He has a beef with the NFL because they were in a war years ago, a legal fight with the NFL when he was with the, there was another league. Wasn't he trying to buy an NFL team? No, he was trying to make like,

there was another league, whatever that other league was back in the day. The XFL? That might've been it. Oh, yeah. Where they tried to sue the NFL and blah, blah, blah. And he won,

but he only won like $3 or something like that. It was like a joke of a win. Like he won, but he only won like $3 or something like that. It was like a joke of a win. Like he won, but he didn't win any damages. It's like the lingerie league. And so he's pissed off at the fucking, that's still a thing.

The lingerie league still exists. Is it really? I think it still exists. The lingerie league still is a thing where those women fucking like, like fucking spear each other in fucking bras and panties. And I watched that Pornhub channel all the time.

But in any case, like, like he, he has had a long running beef with the NFL. So he doesn't like the NFL anyway. So anything he can do to try to fucking tank them, he's going to do it. He's going to make a controversy. So he's going to point out anything that he can. And, and he went, I mean, he said this in front of a large crowd, this entire crowd of people that were at a Luther

Strange rally. That's where it came, that's where it first came out, right? Was at that Luther Strange rally when he's down there. Is that his name? Every time I say that, it sounds like a superhero. It sounds like a villain. It sounds like a villain, right? Luther Strange. Yeah, right. Yeah. Well, anyway, Luther Strange. But then again, so was Luther Vandross. That sounds like one. Is it a super,

it is a super villain from Alabama though. I mean, like, what do you say? You're just like, like, I don't know that anything's super in Alabama. I don't even have a supermarket down there. You've got a mediocre villain. There's not even a super Target. That's fine.

There's not even like a super Kmart down there. But anyway, he's- The guy in charge of the building isn't even the super he's just the he's the maintenance guy call him the super but you know it's one of those things that he said it in front of a bunch of people that he knew was going to agree with it

he knew that all those people down there you know how dare you disrespect my flag those guys you know they're all Yosemite? Those are those guys, you know, they're all Yosemite Sam. That's like a whole crowd of Yosemite Sam's that he knew he could rile up. And so he said it and then it got play. And then once he heard the play it was getting, and he realized which side was for him and which side was against him. Now, if that would have backfired, right? If that would have backfired and all like 90% of Americans would have been like,

what the fuck are you talking about? He would have ignored it or he would have backfired, right? If that would have backfired and all like 90% of Americans would have been like, what the fuck are you talking about? He would have ignored it. He would have ignored it. He would have pretended it didn't happen. He would have deleted the tweets. He would have denied the event. I never said it. I said it.

There's video. The internet never goes away. It's gone. You don't know. I grabbed its pussy. It ran away. I deleted the internet, but I think what he did was measure it.

He measured it. He saw what happened and he's like, oh, this is exactly who I want to be on my side. This is my base. I'm going to do the thing that I'm going to, I'm going to retweet. I'm going to, I'm going to basically retweet what I said so that my base falls in love with

this idea. Yeah. But I, I, the only thing is you, the way you're saying this, it sounds so calculated. I think there's a very...

Prove to me he has a brain. Prove he has a brain right now. Other than the stem. Other than the stem, I'll concede the stem. I think he's like a chicken. He lives in five-minute increments, right? He does...

He does something likements. He does something like this. He only acts reactionary. He does have one of those. He does. The vagina on his neck thing. Yeah, like the rooster thing. When you hear that rooster crowing, laying an egg, he's like fuck, what? But like what he does is reactionary

to what he already did. But there was no calculation. He lifts it in the air. You bury his head in the ground and draw a line in front of him. You just hypnotize him. You pull his feathers back of his back. Yeah, exactly. Makes him happy.

But there's no foresight in this. It's only reactionary. He had a thought. Oh, this is pissing me off. Oh, then might be mad at me. If I tweet thought, oh, this is pissing me off. Oh, the NFL might be mad at me if I tweet this. He tweets it. He sees the reaction instantly, and then he reacts instantly.

I'll give you that. I'll give you that. I don't know. I'm not saying that he's like a mastermind with a whole group of people being like, what tweet's going to kill it this week? Right. He didn't see the player kneel and then think on it for 24 hours and say, should I tweet? Is this going to get a lot of people riled up? No, it was in a three-minute span.

Yeah, but something was said that I want to go back to. I don't think it's about getting his base riled up. I think it's about keeping his base riled up. The reason he got into power is because his base was riled. He found the riled. That's the genius of his candidacy. He found the rilediled and then what he's been able to do is make sure to keep them frothing all right yeah he wants to keep them at like a

slow rolling boil so that when it comes time to like turn up the heat a lot yeah really get some some like war-like shit going on yeah all he has to do is just tweak the heat up a tiny bit and it's already there everybody's already boiling over I think if they settle down, I think if the angry, bitter, disaffected, truck nuts having, double flag driving, Chevy truck owning idiots, if they ever settle down, he loses everything. That's the tenuous grasp. That's his toehold, right? So he's got to constantly invent something to keep those people thinking that America is losing its shit. He's got those people that believe that America itself is slipping away from them, that apple pie will not taste like apples anymore. If we don't do something about this, guys, it's going to be sweet potato peach tart, and you don't want that.

It's all going to taste like gay sex. Every apple pie is going to taste like trans women and gay sex, and we don't know what to do. And our bathrooms are overrun by people we don't understand. Like, he's got to whip up these bullshit issues. He's got to make America

great again. I will fucking come over. That's the key. But it's true. He has to sell you that America's not. He's got to tell you all the time that America's not great. And what I'm doing is making it great again. Right. He's, he's constantly marketing this to the entire crew.

One of the things that's said in this article, and this is about that. We started talking about an article, the article that the evangelical advisor says that kneelers are lucky. They aren't shot in the head. I want to read that. Ladies and gentlemen, our next president, he says, it is an absolute fact that in many countries of the world, professional athletes would be imprisoned or worse for publicly opposing their national anthem or disrespecting their leaders. Okay. Are you saying that's suboptimal?

Because it sounds like you're saying that's suboptimal. We shouldn't do that. I know. That's why I was baffled by the story when I read it because I was like, yes, I agree. Yeah. Comma, that's awful. That's why we don't do that. Right? Not like, well, you know, you should be just you should appreciate so much that you can

do this that you don't do this. Yeah. You should do this. What? You should do this because you'd be forced to do it otherwise. No, that's like extra reason not to do it. That's double compulsory like compulsory shit, right? Exactly. This is like passive-aggressive abuser

shit. I'm already foreseen my mother-in-law is cooking. I will not compliment her. I will never do it. Never. I won't even look her in the eye while I joke it down. It's just like her daughter. That's true, though. This is true.

What makes you think she's a witch? Well, she turned me into a newt. A newt. A newt. I got better. Burn already! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn!

Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn!

Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn!

Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn!

Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn!

Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn!

Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn!

Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn!

Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn!

Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn!

Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn!

Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn! burn!!! Burn!! Burn! Burn! Nice. These are the bad doctors. Which doctors?

You mean doctors that are not like board certified? Which doctors? Oh, not doctors. Oh, yeah, yeah. Because that's not in the... I interrupted. I'm sorry. First, do no harm. Do no harm. You missed that. Like the first rule

of doctor club is do not sacrifice children. the first rule of Dr. Club is do not sacrifice children. The second rule of Dr. Club is still stop sacrificing children. All right. Which doctors in Uganda sacrificing children in bid to end drought? So there's a terrible drought in Uganda. It's just it's a fucking horror show. There's no food.

People are dying. It's awful. Yeah, it's not good. No, it's like it's like 11 million people struggling with food insecurity People are dying. It's awful. Yeah, it's not good. No, it's like 11 million people struggling with food insecurity. Jesus Christ. It's a fucking nightmare. As you might expect, to be perfectly honest, from Uganda. I've never heard the story called

all is well in Uganda today. Have you ever heard that story one time? Uplifting news. Uganda's not on fire. Well, it's funny because that's where all the priests went, all their preachers went, to go stoke the fires of anti-gay

nutterism. They went over there to go make sure that hey, you can't be, you can't say you should kill gays here, but you could certainly do that in Uganda and then they'd do it. You know, I saw a documentary just the other night called Food Evolution which was about GMOs and how they are not what a lot of people think that they are, right?

About the GMOs are terribly misunderstood. And they were talking about how GMOs could stop like this banana blight. And this banana blight in Uganda is like a fucking massive problem for these people that are starving, right? So there's some bacterial nonsense that's just killing these bananas. And this is like the primary food crop that they have. And there's a GMO banana that just withstands it just fine. It's perfectly fine. The bananas are perfect. The blight is a non-issue. And Uganda is like, yeah, well, but America told us GMOs are bad. I'm paraphrasing, but only a little. America told us GMOs are bad. GMOs are banned in the country. Like gays. Like gays.

Like gays, right? And so all these people are double starving. And like, it was terrible. There was this subsistence farmer and she's like, I'm a subsistence farmer and all my crops are gone. And they took her and they're like, these are the GMO ones and they're fine. And they're like right next to a blighted one. The look on her face was just like,

I need a food. I would eat that. Can I just plant that? And they're like, no, we're not like, I need a food. I would love a food. I would eat that. Can I just plant that? And they're like, no, we're not allowed to give you the seeds. I can't plant it. Uganda's fucked. It's so amazing that, you know, I'm never going to say, I want to go on vacation to Uganda, or I want to live in

Uganda, right? Nobody says that. Nobody ever says that. Can you even take an airplane to Uganda? What you're getting at is just like paddling there. You gotta fly to a real place and drive

or a 19-hour bus ride and take a rickshaw pulled by a donkey or some shit. But people go over there and say, hey, GMOs are bad or hey, gays are evil or whatever. Somehow, America, this amazing culture that we've built with all of these amazing creature comforts, with this delivery pizza that we had that was fucking delicious just now. We are able to export the shittiest parts of our country to shittier countries.

Yeah, right. We can outsource that shit. It's like, oh, here's the worst of us. You can probably use, I mean, it's like, it's the same reason Paris Hilton traveled the world, right? It's just like the worst, most useless

fucking shit. I want to read one of the first lines in this sentence, or this story. Officials in Uganda say the number of human sacrifices are on the rise. Shouldn't one be on the rise? Shouldn't one, just one, be like, holy fuck, they're shooting through the roof. We have a sacrifice. Like they have like a baseline sacrifice.

How's that possible? I saw the same thing. I saw the same thing. I saw the same thing. It's like, it's like, like at what point are you like, I'm actually satisfied

with the number of human sacrifices that we're at. Like zero. Yeah, this is good. Yeah, this is good. You know, the number of nuclear wars

are on the rise. We had one. We had all nuclear war. We have like, we've got like the baby bear right amount. You know what I mean? It's not too much. Goldilocks looking around.

She's like, there's way too many sacrifices. I like my sacrificial altars to be firm. This sacrificial altar brought to you by Purple Mattress. They're a sponsor now. The only mattress made of skulls. Of children. Why is it?

You know, I always think it's interesting that like they're always like, yeah, you know, we need to stop this drought. Sacrifice people smaller and weaker than me. Yeah. Nobody's like, oh, you know what God wants? God wants me to wrestle that fucking big guy over there. It's never like the toughest guy in the room. It's never like, oh yeah, God wants

me to sacrifice that tatted prisoner. Oh, you know what God really likes? When you sacrifice a BJJ black belt. Right? I would think you'd get more play out of that. They're all little kids and old people. That's what it's always, always little kids and old people.

I know. It's like, I killed a four-year-old. Fucking who cares? Who can't? I killed two on my way here. I want to read another piece of this. It says,

there is no food due to the ongoing drought. And some believe that it has been brought on by ancestral spirits. So there is a high desire for people to conduct sacrifices so they can come out of this problem. What kind of dick ancestor do you have? It's like, you know, I wanted

to have kids, and then I wanted those kids to have kids so I could have you kill them. What the fuck? Who doesn't love their grandkids? What kind of monster are you? Wasn't it the baby boomers that fucked over the climate that caused this drought? So it's our ancestors. It is our ancestors.

It is our ancestors. That's not wrong. I don't understand. I don't know. Give them a drought. Why? Maybe they'll kill one of our grandkids if we do. Then we won't be so lonely. I got some cheeks I need to pinch here in the afterlife. Jesus.

I baked all these fucking ancestor cookies. Gosh. And I got nobody to eat them. I don't want to get ancestrally fat. What? What? They're writing their $5 checks to all their kids. And they come to the show.

They're like, $5 isn't what it used to be. It's a lot in heaven. Shut up, kid. They're just mailing random shit from their house to the kids again. Also, there's no heaven. So there's no ancestors and there's no heaven.

There's another piece that says, sacrifices often involve removing body parts, blood or tissue, while the child is still alive. Here I was thinking it was humane sacrifice. I thought they were doing it humanely with like

free range kids. No, like a bolt through the head to go through the chute. I had no idea that they were being so awful to these kids. They're kosher children. Yeah. They're halal. Yeah, exactly. They're halal kids. It's really just absolutely awful.

And you know the worst part about this? No. There's a worse part than what we already said. We're not paying attention to it because it's black on black crime. So we just don't pay attention to stuff like this. Oh, God. Can I take over the editing this week?

I just want to hit delete for the file. That's how I'll edit the show. Delete the file. That's how I'll edit the show. Delete the file. That was a joke about Black on Black. How do I delete the file? That's a joke, guys. Hand me your computer.

I'm going to hit it with a hammer. I feel like that'll delete the file. It's going to smash it. In the computer. Over and over and over again. I've seen how you just throw stuff you don't want in the virtual trash. I'm just going to throw your computer in the actual trash. Ready to stick it in the glory hole? Get links to their Facebook, Twitter, and if you still use it, Google Plus account at their website, dissonancepod.com.

If you need to be all discreet about it, contact them by email at dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. Or you can call and leave a ransom message at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. Want to hear Cognitive Dissonance commercial free and gain access to exclusive content, including full patron-only shows? Head to patreon.com forward slash dissonance pod and become a patron to support the show on a per episode basis. Love commercials? Not pod and become a patron to support the show on a per episode basis. Love commercials? Not ready to become a patron? Give the guys a five-star review on iTunes or

Stitcher or tell your buddies in the drunk tank about the show. We want to send a big sloppy glory hole to all the patrons and people who rate us. You fucking rock. Just started some right-wing watch. This is Sandy Rios. Liberals are using, quote, heartbreaks from the past as a weapon against Black people. Heartbreaks from the past? This is going to be interesting. Let's listen to that. This is Sandy Rios from her show,

The Sandy Rios Experiment. I don't know what it's called. Whatever. Look, you can't I don't think you can really erase all differences in race. Why would you want to? There's something special about each race. There is.

Racist. No, there is. There's something special about each race. We oppress all the others. That's what's special about it. Some of them smell better than others. Oh, my God. I like to touch some of the race's hair.

You know, like the really dark ones have strong backs. Exactly. And I really like the quirky names they give their children. But there have been, we have become Americans sharing the same home. We are the same family, American family. Unless you're Mexican. Unless you're Mexican, then get the fuck out, American family. Unless you're Mexican. Unless you're Mexican, then get the fuck out of my country. Or unless you're

Puerto Rican, then enjoy destruction. Right. Then you're already in our country, but we just don't care. We just don't care anymore. When you get devastated. Enjoy destruction. And your country is an apocalypse. Like you were saying before the show, it's basically the fucking walking dead down there. It's the walking dead down there.

Have you been following anything going on with Puerto Rico? You've seen the devastation down there? It's total. No matter what we're trying to do, it's not enough. Right. People are like, the NPR was reporting from down there. And they're like, just people sleeping on the concrete of the airport trying to be evacuated right now. And they're sending cruise ships.

Like, we knew this shit was going to happen. We knew that the hurricane was going to devastate. And we still, no matter what we could do, it wasn't enough. Well, you know, we talked about this before. And our priorities are fucked, right? Our priorities are totally fucked. We spend a fucking for zillion dollars on defense.

And our defense is mostly offense. Our defense is, you know, here's a bunch of missiles and tanks and troops that are going to show up and kill a bunch of people, right? And it seems to me that we would be so much better served if there was some similar system to the armed forces that was designed specifically as a civil defense force that invested the same kind of time and energy and money that you could volunteer for and work for, just like you could for the army. That was a force designed to go into areas that were devastated by these natural disasters and fucking fix it. Just fix it. You could sign up if you wanted to do something for your country, but you didn't want to pick up a gun and shoot fix it. Just fix it. You could sign up. If you wanted to do something for your country,

but you didn't want to pick up a gun and shoot brown people, the other thing you could do is pick up a fucking shovel and go down. And you don't have to join some private charitable organization to do it. You don't have to hope that the Peace Corps takes you on. You know what I mean? There should be an American Civil Defense Force, which you can join, you know, which is funded and has ships and generators and all of that. I have a great idea. I just, boom, just fucking just came to my head. The Mormons all

go away to do this trip. They all go do a service trip. They're all really, they have a really nice place. They're pretty rich, right? Why don't they do this? Why don't the Mormons do this? Think of the outreach front. You guys should do this. You guys should pull your money, get together and create a force of people to go out in your little ties,

your little shirt. A little, yeah. And then go out into the world. They do. Do they? Yeah, they show up. So the Mormons are amazing preppers. The majority of Mormons living in Utah have

enough of a supply of food in their basement to last a few weeks usually which is far and away more than the average American sure yeah it lasts a day yeah me too can we order them every six hours are you kidding the people

on instacart you again but they do the same thing like politicians do as Are you kidding? The people on Instacart? You again. But they do the same thing like politicians do as well. So they send the apostles down, give them a shovel and a T-shirt that has the helping hand thing logo on it. Like, yeah, we're doing a helping thing. And it has the apostles meeting with people that are locals. They don't actually do any work. But the Mormons actually put a fair amount of money into the relief fund. Now, when you look at it in a broad scope of things, Bloomberg had an article in 2013 that

estimated the wealth of the church to be somewhere around like $30 to $40 billion. And the amount that they devote to that is, it was like 1.25% of their entire income over a 30 year period was devoted to helping, actually helping people. That is significantly less than a lot of other churches with a lot less means do, but they are doing a thing. So I commend them for at least taking notice, even if it's just to get some good PR and be like, yeah, we're down there. We have people with shovels in hands. Here's a book of Mormon while we're fixing your house. Of course, because that's what it's all about.

It's all about getting a book out. Yeah. And I mean, Mormons have a great sense of community, so they do a thing. Yeah. I commend them for that.

We need a public sector job. That's an interesting concept. It's an interesting concept to have an army and then you'd have this other thing that would go out and fight the disaster. And that's a cool idea. Here's an interesting concept to have an army and then you'd have this other thing that would go out and fight the disaster. And that's a cool idea. Here's an interesting thought, too.

This could be actually a two-pronged solution. Instead of trying to have the fight over a private health care versus a public health care system and single payer, why not just set up military hospitals in large population areas that do completely free care. And they are training military surgeons, military doctors that when a disaster strike or disaster happens, they send a bunch of these people down to impoverished countries to help them out of this. That would make it so people who here are impoverished and need medical care but don't have health insurance and only have Medicaid and they can't get the advanced treatment.

They can go to these military hospitals in order to get the care. The doctors get trained. And then when something like this happens, you know, three or four times a year, you just take a bunch of those doctors and say, we fucking need you in Puerto Rico right now, get you down there.

And they actually help with the relief effort. Yeah. The problem is, is how are you going to convince Mitch McConnell that this is a good idea? Yeah, I know. You know what I mean? Like,

like how do you get, how do you, I mean, sure. Maybe you could get some people on board that want to do this, but what they want is to cut their taxes. That's what they're talking about. Nobody's talking.

But this is a, this is a military budget line item and every one of those gets fucking rubber stamps. No, they don't though, because military budget line items go through unless they're care for soldiers. Yeah, right. Because the VA is grossly underfunded.

The medical insurance plan for soldiers is garbage. If you sell it as a training program, oh, fuck, yeah, that's going straight through. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe, maybe, but I think we need an entirely separate force. We got our force devoted to killing people. We should have a separate force. And we talked about this before the show, a separate force devoted to not killing people.

They're actually helping. Yeah, going on. When shit, it was a wildfire or there was a hurricane. There's an earthquake. There's a tornado. You know, there's urban blight. Like we go and do a fix. A well-funded, well-populated force is what we're talking about.

Not just a small group. We're talking lots and lots and lots of people. Research and development money is shat into this thing. Instead of building a fucking Raptor, it builds a new kind of generator

that unfolds in moments or something that builds homes that are quick and stable and that wells are dug quickly and that the water is sanitized. We have the technology to do this shit, but we spend the money instead on making sure that our fucking bullets pierce tanks and shit. It's crazy. All the money is sent in the wrong direction.

We'd make more money doing this. We'd make a fortune doing this because hurricanes and disasters are expensive. They cost a ton of money. They take people out of the production. They move people out of the economy. They cost a fortune. We don't fix them. And the sooner you get people back into it, you rebuild their economy. Then they can pay taxes again. Bingo. Yeah. And then you have a country that people want to live in because they have this force, right? Well, look at the reparation efforts that happened to Japan after 1945. The place was completely devastated, war-torn.

It had been bombed. Urban centers had been destroyed. And then they had these two huge fucking holes in the ground. The rebuilding efforts, we said, the world said, okay, Japan, you can't have a military. Instead, all of the money that the world is giving you to repair, that the United States is giving you to repair, that needs to go to your infrastructure. And now they have one of the best economies. They make some of the best products and they have some of the best

vending machines. They have amazing panties. The robots. The fucking robots are amazing. They make incredible strides through technology. Japan is far and away one of the best countries in the world. And they can't have a military.

Yeah. How great is that? I mean, they have small armed forces for national security purposes, but they don't have something that is invasion ready like we always do. Imagine the $600 billion or whatever line item budget that the military is being devoted to our own infrastructure. It's amazing.

It's amazing how much money we spend on that in comparison to other things. And like you said, it's all on the bullets and it's never on the kids. It's never on the people that are in that.

It's just garbage. And they are dividing us. They are agitating the racial wounds of the past on purpose. I think they're more worried about the racial wounds of the past on purpose. I think they're more worried about the racial wounds of the now. I think it's perfect, though.

That's a perfect way to say it. Basically, what she's saying is that there is no racism anymore. There's no more racism. All that stuff was in the past. There was civil unrest in the past, and that doesn't exist anymore. It doesn't. And you guys, the people now are just, they're just bringing it up again, but that sort of thing has been handled.

That's what she thinks. She thinks it's been handled. And she probably doesn't think that the first thing she said was racist. Right. Right. Exactly. It's like racism's gone.

Said the woman who literally said something racist to lead this. Right. Yeah. That's what community organizers do. That's what Saul Alinsky taught them to do. Why are we still talking

about Saul Alinsky? I don't even have any idea. We're still talking. Obama's been out of office now for almost a year, and we're still talking about that. Hey, set your clocks back to 45 years ago.

We're still talking about, we're still talking about community organizers as if that's an awful thing. That's a dirty word amongst so many people in this country. When you say community organizer, it's just like, oh my God, he's a shitster. Because it's unionizing, right? It's basically the social equivalent of unionizing.

Yeah. And as long as you keep people separate and disparate, it's easy for them to be ignored. Yeah, for sure. To aggravate and fester the boil and stir it and stir it and stir it and make it worse. And if you're told, it's just like the old game of gossip, if you are told repeatedly how badly treated you are, whatever reason, human nature, if your mother tells you your husband is treating you badly and she says it constantly on the phone, I can't believe he's doing that to you, you start having bad attitudes toward your husband, even though he might be really a great husband.

They agitate. They're trying to divide and destroy our relationships and they're doing a really good job of it. And I have to say that I understand the festering sores of race, racial tensions in this country. It brings up emotions and heartbreaks from the past that cannot be denied. Wait, festering? Because it's festering. Festering means it's currently bad, right? When you say something's festering, it's not like, well, that's done with. The doctor's like, well, how's your sore?

Festering. Glad it's healed. No, what? It sore? Festering. Glad it's healed. No, what? It's fucking festering. I needed all the drugs. Can you just help? I have a festering sore. I'm being consumed by my sore.

I need help. But that is being used as a weapon against the black community. And then stoking the flames of that to create hatred for the white community. The white community is getting angry because they have all these stereotypes that come up with them

and it's creating such a division. Can we not see? It's the stereotypes that come up with white people. That's the problem. It's the stereotypical white people. Yeah, she really doesn't like being called a racist. I think that's what her poor little feelers. That's the problem. It's the stereotypical white people. Yeah, she really doesn't like being called a racist. Yeah, I think that's what her poor little feelers.

That's the stereotype. That's it. It's like, well, the black people are saying that white people have it easier, and that makes white people have to self-reflect in ways to make them feel squirmy. And I don't like that because it feels squirmy because I'm white. Can't you just leave my festering

wound alone? You know, only God, really, only God can break down these barriers. He's doing a hell of a job. Bang up job there, God. Well, you know, I just like that rubber flag. Like that rubber flag a lot. But this is what I see. And this is what makes me incredibly angry about what they're doing.

They're cheating. They're robbing us of the joy of our friendships. You can be friends with black people. There's a bunch of fucking black people getting fucking shot by cops. They don't feel like it's real friendly. The only black person she ever talks to is in a dress with a white apron. Are you kidding me? she ever talks to is in a dress with a white apron.

Are you kidding me? Well, it seems like people like Sandy Rios seem to still live in a world that is actually segregated. I was talking to you guys about this on my drive here from Oak Park. It's like I hit an invisible wall where you could see there was a poverty-stricken area pocket that I drove through, and then I came into the nicer neighborhood where there is not,

it doesn't seem like there's gang violence. It does. And you told me that, oh yeah, that you drove through the really shitty part of town. Absolutely. That's, this is a world that's still segregated.

Oh, there is no Rosa parks walking into her local Bloomingdale's and protesting and saying, Hey, can you serve me? Because the laws don't exist, but the segregation itself still exists in practice. The social aspect of this still exists. And it's enshrined in zoning laws and in all these weird ways

that we are not actually saying, oh, black people, you can't live here. It's not actually that explicit. It's much more implicit just in the general culture of an area. Chicago, I don't know if I was reading it or listening to it. I can't remember exactly how I consume this media, but the design of the expressways in Chicago was designed specifically to split black and white areas to be segregated. The design of those expressways as they travel through the city is made to separate the whites from the blacks. That's how it was made when it first started.

And you look at the time frame of that when these expressways were put in and segregation was still a thing. It was still... And I mean, still a thing... It's still working as I think about it. It's still a thing that government was endorsing. They stopped doing that. But back then when the expressways were put in and Eisenhower and that sort of thing,

it's right before the Civil Rights Act or Civil Rights Movement. And they were just like, no, we're going to enshrine this. We're going to make this a thing. We'll separate these things with these big expressways. And Chicago is still very deeply segregated because those expressways are the things that keep population centers separate and apart from each other. And somebody who says like what she was saying only expresses their own profound ignorance of history. Sure. Because it's like we as people who live in five minute

increments once again, right? Yeah. People who only pay attention to the world as it is now and don't seem to ask, how did the world come to get to where it is today? Not understanding that, yeah, Jim Crow laws existed and segregation existed. These are actually things that plague society. Yeah. We didn't evolve past those. They still, the effects of those still impact our society today. It's not like we're actually enlightened and we're

past all of the shit that we trudged through to get through the Civil War and through Jim Crow laws. We're not past it. We're still trying to figure this shit out. And it just so happens that it's an incredibly complicated problem that there's no simple solution to.

Now, the concern, obviously, is if this isn't bottled up in San Francisco, this kind of nonsense, then it's going to be spreading across the entire fruited plain. And you're going to be going to your Burger King in Des Moines, Iowa, and you're going to have a rainbow-colored

wrapper for your Whopper. This story is from Right Wing Watch. This is Dave. Coach. Doc Coach. Not a coach. Daubenmeyer. Encouraging boys to play soccer is a plot to undermine the family.

Cecil, this might be the first time I agree with Coach. Because I got to tell you, my boy, I enrolled him in soccer. When? Just this in soccer. When? Just this past summer. Summer, okay. He hated it, but I don't think he hated it as much as I hated it. Oh.

And so we both de-enrolled in soccer. Did you hate it because you had to drive him to soccer? I hated driving him to soccer. I hated driving him to soccer practice. I hated sitting on the sidelines watching him do soccer practice. Yeah. And I hated

watching him hate something that I drove him to. I hated getting up early in the morning to convince him to do something he hated that I hated too that we got to hate together. And then we sent each other on the way home. So at one point I was like, wait a minute. Why are we doing this?

We're done with this. It lasted about three weeks and I was like, yeah, this isn't for me. Never need to do this again. I can't even understand why, you know, other than that he's fat, I can't understand why we enrolled him. And actually that's why we did is because he's fat. But you know. Yeah. Just take him to CrossFit

with you. It's 20. I want to, but he hit himself in the nuts with a kettlebell one time and he's scared of CrossFit because he was doing kettlebell swings with this little five pound kettlebell. And he came down wrong. Yeah. He nailed himself right in the junk. And he like,

he just crumpled just five pounds to the balls is a lot of weight. Oh yeah. It's a lot of weight. I always ask the ladies to make sure it's about 10 or 15 pounds of pressure on there. But I understand five's a hard starter. On a pendulum? Man, I think it was the first time he's ever been nutted and it just dropped him.

It just dropped him. And then ever since then, he's like, I don't want to do CrossFit with you, dad. But he says like, I don't want to do CrossFit. And I'm like, you don't want to have kids either. All right. So here's Doc Coach. So when I said to you yesterday that what was going on in the NFL is going on by design and by choice. Some of you send me emails saying I'm crazy.

Because you don't understand spiritual issues. That's probably because you're crazy. Well, I agree. People in the NFL are kneeling by choice. They're not doing it by accident. Like, oh, I had it on my knee. How'd that happen? And they weren't roofied into it because they didn't get nutted into it.

What is going on? What's my name? Oh, this concussion protocol sucks in this sport. You don't understand that you are either for him or you're against him. You either serve the Lord or you serve the devil. There is no middle ground. You don't get it.

I've heard that so many times. I've heard that so many times. I remember, and I told the story before, I'm going to tell it again. I remember reading the Buddhist, one of the Buddhist books while I was at work. And I remember reading it and flipping through it. And a guy who was a holy roller came in, we were both working together at this warehouse. And he said, what are you reading? And I told him and he said, he said something about, well, you should read the Bible or something. And I said, well, I read that and I wasn't that impressed by it. And he's like, well, you shouldn't read the devil. He called it the devil.

And I was like, it's not the devil. He's like, if it ain't Jesus, it's the devil. And I was just like, well, that's interesting because there's a lot of things that are the devil then. Like if I read the back of a cereal box? I loaned you my Highlander 2 DVD last week. Was that the devil? It's a really bad movie. Yeah. And I made the statement

yesterday that it was a part of trying to destroy. Remember I said this how I hated soccer. Why is he bringing soccer in here? He's so mad about soccer. Oh, he's mad. Look at this. You see him twitch. Did you see him twitch? He's kind of got this little tick.

He gets a little mad. You can see it. He's starting to him twitch? He's like, he's kind of got this little tick. He gets a little mad. You could see it. He's starting to, he's starting to heat up. He's just starting to like, it's getting the jets warm. Yep. He posts up.

Yeah. That's what he does. He's like, I'm going to get up and fuck. I'm going to call my soccer. Talk to me about soccer. He's ready to bring it on about soccer. Why did I hate soccer?

I've seen it happen. I was a football coach, an American football. I was an American I've seen it happen. I was a football coach, an American football, they call it. I was an American football coach for 35 years. And I watched little five and six-year-old boys drug off over to the soccer field. And their daddies didn't even know what soccer was. Their daddies couldn't talk to their sons about,

oh, yeah, back when I played soccer. Well, what difference does that make? Your kids can only do the things that you did before, so nobody can ever do anything new? You can never have a point of reference. If you don't have a point of reference, you can't talk about it. And you can't learn and identify with things that your kids like? Your kid brings home

a cell phone. You're just like, I never saw one of those, so it's not real. We used to walk uphill both ways to make payphone calls. For fuck's sake! For fuck's sake. For fuck's sake. What is it? What a monumentally obtuse thing to say.

I can't learn new things because it got old brain. That's shitty. I fucking learned something ass. I fucking learned about soccer. Yeah. Did you like it? No, but I still learned about it. So you're like, it was a sports

man. I was destined not to look. There was a ball and people wanted to get points with it. I couldn't have liked it. And then the boys could never talk to their dads about when they played football because they took them on. They stuck them over in soccer. He's so mad. He's like looking

off to the side. He's looking off to the side. I think he's choking back tears. He's so mad. His face is as red as his hat. You can't see this at home, but yeah, you're right. It is. I'm making some of you mad, but I don't care. I'm telling you the daggone truth.

Why do you think they call it American football? Why do you think they call the Cowboys America's team? Well, they call Cowboys America's team. Why would they call them Cowboys America's team? Well, they call Cowboys America's team. Why would they call them Cowboys America's team? Wouldn't be the Chiefs. Oh, yeah. Or the Redskins. Oh, yeah.

When's the last soccer team was America's team? Can anybody for $1,000 right now, Dale Social will give you $1,000 if somebody can name for me one professional soccer team. Can somebody name one? Real. The Fire. The Fire.

I don't even like sports. I want $1,000. I've been to two of their games. I don't even like sports. You've been to two Fire games? Yeah, they're a lot of fun. I didn't watch any of them, but you can tailgate before the game. So you can get wasted. Yeah, and throw bags and tailgate and have a good time. And then the stadium has great food and beer.

So you just sit and just hang out and chat? Well, you don't even have to sit. They have these big areas where you don't have to watch the game, and you can drink and congregate and play games and shit. Oh, really? No, I didn't even look at the field. I didn't even look in the direction of the field. I didn't even find my seat. I never went to my seat

either time. It's just like a party. You go and it's like a party. But that's got to be an expensive party, though. No, they're fire tickets. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Yeah. Like he had to give them away. Yeah.

Like seriously, it's like punch key here in Chicago. You get in there filled in donuts. It's a professional soccer game ticket. Professional soccer. Are you kidding me? Now that's funny. Now that's funny.

Expensive. I think I I think if I for $24, I'll let you play. Ten cent beer night to get people in. That's a citation needed to happen. $35, you get to fuck their wife. Their soccer wives.

Their soccer moms. The soccer wives of the Midwest. Oh my God. Oh, my God. That's a horror. The soccer ex-wives of the Midwest. Did somebody name one?

We just did. It was not hard to do. Between the three of us. Two thirds. I can't name one. That's okay. You don't like soccer. That's fine. I can't name one. That's okay. You don't like soccer. That's fine. I can't name a single

radioactive isotope. There is not one. There's a lot of things I can't name, right? Like one Nobel Prize winner. Alfred Nobel. Did he give himself? Wasn't it Adolf Nobel? Adolf Nobel. A he give himself? Wasn't it Adolf? Adolf Nobel.

A professional soccer team. And yet we got soccer fields everywhere. Why do we have soccer fields everywhere? I have to say it, Lord. Because it takes a man to play football. Oh my God. We have soccer fields everywhere because it takes a man to play football. There's fewer men.

There's a lot of men in the United States. But not real men is his claim, right? Oh, I see. Real men run around and get concussion. We're talking about the league with the women. The lingerie league. You know, the squeezables. The squeezables. The squeezables.

Like the Charmin. Don't squeeze. I get that all the time. Don't squeeze. What do I do? I'm a little handsy. A little. The Michelin woman.

Those are the soccer wives of the Midwest. Yeah. And mommies don't like seeing their little boys get knocked down. So mommies put them

in the sock where they get little knee pads. It's just cheaper. It's just cheaper. Like how much, you know how much you got to pay for like a kid to play football? Like it's,

it's an exorbitant amount of money. I'd much rather buy him like a pair of cleats and a fucking couple like a shin guards than the shoulder pads. And it's the same thing with hockey. Right. It's like, hockey's expensive. It's a rich people's sport.

It's a, it's a, that's, that's why rich folks play it. people's sport. It's a, it's a, that's, that's why rich folks play it. And he's about to bitch about like the soccer kids, like having knee pads, like this fucking football players are fucking battle tanks. Yeah. They're in fucking, they're in the modern equivalent of a suit of fucking armor. Yeah. And concussions are really expensive in the long run. Yeah. They are brain damage really costs a lot costs a lot of money. Because you can't add your bank account. You just start adding

the numbers up and they just don't come up. And you have to kill your family and commit suicide later. You don't have to, but it's preferred. Recommended. They don't really hurt each other.

Although we know that soccer, you can get hurt in soccer. I'm not making light of it. But all of a sudden, you wake up and I'm a grandpa. What does grandpa get to do on Saturday morning? Go watch my

grandson play football? No. He's a penguin. He's running around hitting the ball with his head. He's a penguin? That's a seal, dipshit. They don't train penguins to balance balls on their head. He doesn't even know what fucking circus animal

he's talking about. I'm going to throw a ball at a penguin next time I just see one. I want to throw like a 15 pound medicine ball. I want it to be like a carnival game where it's like balls and penguins. Boom.

Just chucking it. Let's see if it'll play billiards or whack it with one of those fucking balls. They're all Penguins, boom! Just chucking it? Let's see if it'll play billiards or what. They're all weebles. He got the animal wrong. Why is he mad about this? He's mad because his daughter-in-law or his son-in-law

isn't letting his kid play football and he's talking about it on his show. And we're talking about him talking about it on his show. I can't relate. I haven't played soccer. So learn the game, you lazy fuck. No kidding. Learn it.

How shitty is that? Take an interest in the things that interest the people you love. How shitty is that? That's a whole, I mean, you're just lazy. You're fucking intellectually and fucking emotionally lazy.

What a cunt. When I was, when I started fencing, my mom went out of her way to come to the places where I was fighting. She would go out of her way to be like, no, I want to go see. I want to go see you fence. And I'd be like,

Ma, you got to dress up. It's a weird thing. You got to dress up in these weird outfits. And she'd be like, I don't care. And she made an outfit for herself to come and watch me fight because she thought it was important, not only for, for me, but it was also important for her to see her son do a thing.

Right. Yeah. She wanted to, she wanted, and she, she came to many of the things that I did that I fought. So she would go in and be like, okay, he's coming. He's going to be fighting today. I'm going to go watch him and I'm going to go watch him fence. And she would go out there and sit all day

and just hang out and I'd come over and talk to her and whatnot. But she would watch me just like if I was playing t-ball, just like if I was in a high school sport, she always came to the thing. She always thought

that was the thing that she did. She went out of her way to do it. She obviously pays attention and cares. She cared about it. She cared about it enough to go out of her way to be there. This guy's like, well, I don't like it, so I'm not going to fucking...

You're just an asshole. You're busting into your kid's room being like, turn that noise down. You know what I mean? That's all this is. It's just a big, long turn that noise down rant. This guy's fucking deep as a thimble, right? Exactly. Absolutely. No, right? Exactly. No

dimension to his personality. No interest in anything other than his two interests, Christianity and football. That's it. But I bet he expects everybody to take an interest in what he's interested in. Yep. Bingo. Right? Yep. I bet he expects everybody to listen to him talk about the things that interest him. And like, if you

can't reciprocate that, you can't relate to other people. Right. What the fuck? It's like super basic shit. And I'll if you can't reciprocate that, you can't relate to other people. The fuck? It's like super basic shit. And I'll tell you what, if I was, if I was married to his daughter and we had a kid,

I'd do it just to piss him off so he'd turn this red. I'd be like, you know what? I want him every fucking, every single fucking get together. I want him to be super mad because it's awesome.

We would all show up in soccer uniforms and I would also accidentally email him video of me fucking his daughter. In a soccer uniform. Fucking cleats in the air. Goal! Goal!

Oh, I didn't mean to send that to you. You said it twice. Did you get it? You want answers? I think I get it? You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers. I want the truth. You can't handle the truth.

All right, this is also from Right Wing Watch. Those who don't spend all their money on Jim Baker's food buckets will answer to God. Okay. All right, here we go. Yes. The Tasty Panty Deluxe Bucket. All right, here we go. The tasty Panty Deluxe bucket.

I have been telling you in my seminars that when you empty a bucket of food, trust God to refill it. Like the oil or whatever, the spaghetti. Yeah, right? It's the spaghetti. I know, we're just talking about this. The spaghetti that refills itself. Dude, this is a great deal. You just buy the one bucket of food. You don't even need multiple buckets. God's just talking about this. It's a spaghetti that refills itself. Yeah. Dude, this is a great deal. You just buy the one bucket of food.

Yeah. You don't even need multiple buckets. God's going to refill it. God refills it every time. Mormons got to fucking love this guy. Wow. You buy one bucket, you survive the apocalypse. Why do they want to survive the apocalypse? I don't understand why anybody wants to survive the apocalypse.

I wouldn't feed my family other food than the one that God's filling up constantly. To be perfectly honest, I mean, think of how much money you'd save on your fucking bill. You'd be like, okay, guess we're having fucking slop from fucking Jim Baker again tonight because God filled it last night. It tastes like cardboard. Put some salt and pepper on it. Plus,

I bet the fucking kids wouldn't bitch about the way that tastes. Be like, how's the food? God made it, you little shit. God made it. No no it's not cut into fucking little slices or peeled or quartered or fucking halved or made into fucking origami animals or whatever you little shits want god made the food you eat this fucking god food giant motherfucker go and put it away and trust god feed the people that are hungry except for the ones in puerto rico those ones we're not feeding feed the white we are not feeding the brown ones

i gotta ask for your bucket in english for english press one for any other language, please die. Press 1. Don't be concerned about running out of food, but do your part. If you have the means to buy 100 buckets of food, then buy 100 buckets of food. Wait. What would I do with them? What on earth would I do with 100 buckets

of food? If God's going to fill that one... We've got to give it to other people, I think. Maybe. You buy one, God refills it, and you hand out the other buckets, the infinitely refillable buckets. I think the world could live off 100 buckets of God's infinitely refillable.

Or whatever he fills them with. I mean, they lived off of like 12 fish and a loaf of bread or whatever. That's right. Question. I've never watched a Jim Baker video before. I've only ever heard them on here. Nowhere else I wouldn't see. I'm staring at the transition of the video

and I see this wall of buckets. Yes. And it looks like a staircase to his own upstairs behind him. Yeah, it's a set. It's a set piece. Is it a set? The whole thing is a weird set.

This is his living room? No, it's a weird set. So the front end of this is all a huge audience that sits around tables and once in a while they'll crack open one of these buskets and they'll make the food and then they'll feed the audience with the food which makes sense because the audience is so old they can only eat gruel yeah because they all forgot to bring their fucking teeth to work today yeah no they might cut away and show you the front and you get a chance to see the audience sits at like round

tables with shitty VFW chairs. It's like, imagine if you took a really beautiful house, cut it in half and took a shitty, smelly VFW and cut it in half and then you slap the two of them together and you would have Jim Baker's studio.

You weld it together with Jim Baker's slop. Exactly. You just pour the slop that God infinitely fills. Isn't that a perfect analogy for what's happening here too? It's like Jim Baker's like, I'll be up here when it's nice. You bucket buying bastards can stay down there in the fucking VFW hall of sadness.

Buy another bucket. I need my prime rib tonight. You can give food to churches that are unprepared. What are you going to do? Say to the people in the churches around you, say, I tried to warn you, but you wouldn't listen.

You guys can all starve to death. No, if you have the heart of Christ, you will even give the churches some of what you have purchased. Even the churches. You'll even give those nasty filthy churches so okay so let's say i belong to jim baker's church no and i buy a bunch of buckets from jim yeah in the apocalypse does he expect me to give him buckets back i think he

does right i think he expects you to keep giving i'll tell you what that motherfucker expects right it's a giving great return investment. I sell it to you. You give it to me. Exactly. That's brilliant. For that, I'll probably turn around and sell it back to you. Empty. God will fill it. I ate all the food. I think Puerto Rico is a perfect example for him to tout his end

of the world shit. This is his fucking heyday. This is the best season he's had in years. Oh, yeah. A couple of really bad hurricanes. This is Yeah. This is, this is his fucking heyday. This is the best season he's had in years. Yeah. Oh yeah. A couple of really bad. Yeah. Oh,

this is great. This is his fucking prime season. And what a, what a better sales pitch too. Do you want something that tastes like badger shit? Do you want something that has the caloric return of this table we're recording from by the shit out of this bucket? It's really easy to ship.

Have you seen the videos of this stuff? Like when they show like the images of it? Oh my God. When I was doing that Gringo buckets one, we was talking about the Gringo buckets and it's just like, it's no shit. They just like, it's like, it looks like gruel. At one point they're like stirring it

with a big snow shovel and shit. I'm not even kidding. I'm not even kidding. He's got it like in a giant laundry tub and they're like stirring it with like a garden shovel. Like a power drill

with a concrete stirrer on it. And he takes this huge shovel and he's like, he puts the tip of it in his fucking mouth. He's like, it's so good. And you can see inside,

he's like, don't puke, Jim. Don't puke, Jim. Keep it in. Keep it in. Keep it in. This now in. Keep it in. This now, prime rib later. That's right.

And I'll tell you. John, if they're millionaires. Yes, if you have means. They need to write a check. We'll get it as cheap as we can get it for your church. Do a million dollars worth of food. I'm serious. We've had churches call and order a million dollars.

That's why I'm retched. No, you didn't. And he's not actually worth that much money. So he clearly has not. That's not happened. We're not scared of that. Why would you be scared of somebody buying your product? Who's afraid?

Like Apple's like, look, I'm not afraid if you buy a lot of iPhones. Okay. Just trust me on this one. Here's the thing. We have more. We pay Chinese people to make them for us. We don't care how many people jump off the building. When they jump off and they go to the nest, it's like

one of those trampoline yoga classes. They blow off a little steam in between. They land in the net and it just shovels them down a chute back to work. Right back to their... I just want to die. Send me to Uganda.

Maybe they'll sacrifice me. All the sad people in Apple. It's like, I just want to die. Can someone just kill me? They're trying to feed themselves into the machine. It's too smart. It won't let them get in. I can't even cut a finger off of this thing.

They're drinking all that cleaner or whatever that they were giving them. The fucking neurosis. They're drinking it all. Dude, shooters of it. It's going to take a while to get that much food made up. I know that there's going to be people who are going to send us an email and be like, dude, don't actually do that. We know it's a joke. Like, stop. Don't

send us your email. We know that that guy made up that whole story about the cleaner. We know he made it up, but it's funny. Please don't send us your email. If you can have it. If you have the financial means. But if they're rich, listen, the money's going anyway, John.

Exactly. You may as well give it to me. And I'll spend it with you. The money, they can't take it with you. But I can spend it on hookers. So I'm just saying, I want to shit on a hooker. That's what I'm saying. You can't spend it where you're going.

But I can spend it right now. And I know you are way too conservative for that. But I'm not saying you can't spend it where you're going but i extend it right now and i know you are way too conservative for that oh my god i can't believe the balls that's his audience though yeah his audience the aggregate of his audience has to be aged over a hundred right he's not expecting them to be around for another five years and actually live through the apocalypse and actually need to eat this fucking slop, right? He's expecting, I'm going to get a payout. You're going to will me your estate. And so I'll ship a million dollars worth of buckets to this church.

But you're going to die before I actually have to see that through. So I'm just going to take your fucking money. Well, and even if he does, the markup on these things is incredible. They talked about the markup on these things just being so through the roof. He's making it sound like he's selling you a product that's worth something. He's not selling you

anything that's worth anything. He's not actually selling it to you. That's the thing. It's a donation. It's a suggested donation. It's not a suggested it to you. That's the thing. He's, it's a donation. He says, it's a suggested, it's a suggested, it's, I don't know.

And it's not a suggested donation. It's like donation. And then just like you get the fucking, Oh, is it like a love gift? Doesn't he call it like a love gift or something like that? If you look at it, I'll talk about that.

That's not what I give is my love gift. It's like tax exempt, right? So it's a donation. He's getting, he doesn't have to pay taxes on it. Hey, thanks for this donation.

If you look, it says $3,700 donation plus shipping. Jesus so it's a donation that he's giving he's getting and then he's giving you the food it makes him sound like he's selling you food but he's not selling you food what he's selling you is his church right and they're gonna give you the food as a gift for giving $3,700 but it's not worth it's not even close to worth $3,700. It's the perfect abuse of tax-exempt status for churches. Yeah, exactly. It's fucking brilliant. I love this. I have to give it to him. It's brilliant.

I love his tasty pantry deluxe bucket. Time of trouble, 10,472. That's not a time of trouble. Time of trouble is like, oh man, I got a little intestinal distress. It's a time of trouble. If you have to eat 10,000 servings of freeze-dried corn, I don't want to make it through the first 9,000 servings.

I went through the math real quick. That's almost $3 a serving. Are you serious? Yeah, it's almost $3 a serving. $3,700, $10,000. It's almost $3 a serving. It's $2.83 a serving. It's not even good economics when you're buying 10,000.

Yeah. When you're buying 10,000. Think of how many fucking ramen noodles you can get for $3,700. Well, that's 10 cents a piece, right? Yeah. Yeah. So 10 times that. Exactly.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. Crazy. Yeah. You can get 37,000. Yeah. Right.

37,000 servings instead of 10, crazy. Yeah, you can get 37,000. Yeah, right. 37,000 servings instead of 10,000. Now, granted, you know, ramen's not going to be your full fucking daily requirement. No, I don't think this stuff is either. But again, that's another thing, too, is that they're talking about the vitamins and things like that. Like, this is not... This is not healthy food. It's not healthy. And it's deeply calorically deficient.

They were saying it's like a serving or whatever. Yeah, the serving's... 800 calories. Yeah, so the servings are, yeah. 800 calories? Yeah. You fucking, I'll eat my kids. I thought it was less than that even.

I thought it was 450. Oh my God. Yeah, I thought it was a tiny, I thought the servings were tiny. Is it a teaspoon for a serving? That's why you're saying three servings a day, which is what three meals a day would normally be 2000 calories,

but they're not even being up that close because three servings a day of 800 calories would be fine. It'd be 2,400, but it's not, I think it's much less. I think it's half of that. Holy fuck.

Yeah. I'm just appalled at eating that little. I know. That hurts. This is so insidious. Like this is actually malicious making money off of people. Absolutely. Oh yeah.

Absolutely. And fear. Yeah. And fear. There's fear. Yeah. And getting these donations from people who cannot fucking afford this. People on restricted incomes. That's going to be the key. Yeah.

These are all old people. Like you said, they're not going to survive the apocalypse. The big flash happens. They all have a fight. A door slams too loud. They all have a heart attack. They have a grabber if the cat meows too loud. These are people, though, that a lot of them couldn't survive without power.

Right. I mean, there's a lot of people in the world that wouldn't anyway. But I'm saying these people would not survive. Right. So it's not going to be worth it. The crash is covered. The word says that. Why not sow it into the Lord and do it here?

You're not doing it for us. Do it for your church. The word saying, can you imagine a church having a million dollars worth of food i'm i'm so serious well you know it's we're there we're there for these times are coming the bible says that our our riches will be a witness against us when the time comes that you've left money in the bank that could have been used to help people, to help feed people. And all you did is you just kept all your riches for yourself. What are you talking about?

You are asking for their riches. But it says the man in the linen suit. Yeah. He's literally sitting there in a linen suit on a stage begging for your money and complaining about you having too much money. Yeah. You're never going to get into heaven if you're rich. On the other hand, I'm willing to take that bullet for you.

Right. I'm willing to, I'm willing to give you this food. So you'll survive. Right. It will be a witness against you. You will stand before God and he will say, why didn't you do more to help the needy? Jesus. God. And that's the thing, right? I was just he will say, why didn't you do more to help the needy? Jesus. God. And he's the needy

one. And that's the thing, right? I was just going to say, isn't that amazing? That's the needy. We're the needy. You didn't help the needy. And he's going to say, I'm going to make it seem like you're giving food to the needy. But if you get all this food, this buckets and buckets and buckets of food, they always, one of the videos we watched before was where they talked about, don't tell people, don't tell anyone that you have this food because they're going to come get it. They're going to take it from you. And yeah, right.

But he's, what he's saying is that you get one bucket for yourself. God keeps filling that you buy the other buckets and you donate them. That's what he's saying. And then you donate them to your church. And then the church has them. That's what he's saying. And then you donate them to your church. And then the church has them. That's what he's saying. So you don't even get the food. I thought he was metaphysic,

like metaphorically saying that. No, no, no. I think that that's what he's saying. I think he's saying, use your money to help other people. Don't use your money to help you. You should buy one of these buckets and then call him and be like,

hey man, it hasn't filled itself up yet. How long do I have to wait? I've been, it's timing. Just buy it, throw the food away and put a timer in the middle of it. And then be like, hey man, it hasn't filled itself up yet. How long do I have to wait? It's timing. Just buy it. Throw the food away and put a timer in the middle of it. And then be like, Jim, I've been waiting for a while. I invested all my yearly income into

this food and it's not refilling. And I didn't... I eat the first... To make it the magic one, I eat it right away. It's first in, first out, you know. So, Bryce, we know you're in town doing this work, but you have a

podcast. What's your podcast? I do one and a half podcasts. One and a half? I do a half a podcast. Between two How did I do a half a podcast? Between two shows, I do half a podcast. That makes sense. Yeah. I do Naked Mormonism.

That is my serial Mormon history podcast. I just start with episode one with the birth of Joseph Smith and evolve chronologically from there. You guys had me on when I was very early on and I was still getting my podcasting legs it's developed much more since the two and a half years since I was not in Glorial Studios but talking to you from Nebraska

sure that's gross to talk like that yeah right it wasn't Indiana at least is that better? is Nebraska better? can you ever say Nebraska's better and fill in the blank? Probably better than Uganda. Okay. Marginally. Marginally.

Anyway, so, yeah, for the past just over a year now, I've been doing this full time now because it takes so much time dedicated to researching and sifting through the bullshit in Mormon history to actually bring the real history and report it.

And I'm learning it as I report it on the podcast. And then the other show I do is My Book of Mormon podcast with Marie Kent. I took that over from David Michael. I remember David Michael. And we read through the Doctrine and Covenants, which is just the next iteration of Joseph Smith's Revelations. Oh, so you read it together and then

you just talk about it. Yeah, and it's a historical book, basically, because whenever Joseph Smith had a problem, he was like, Thus saith the Lord, you go buy a printing press. So, all of those revelations are in the Doctrine and Covenants. So, we just read through it. We read the names.

We give some historical context. We, even for patrons, we review really shitty Mormon movies because everybody's doing that because it's a lot of fun. Yeah, absolutely. They're a dime a dozen. They're fucking everywhere.

It's great. So yeah, but Naked Mormonism, that's kind of what I spend all my time doing and that's every Thursday it airs. And it was actually thanks to the support from the patrons that I was able to come out here

to Nauvoo and attend this Mormon history conference and kind of get in on the bleeding edge of Mormon history research and see these articles that are being published right now and learn from the people that are publishing them and ask them pointed

questions and actually discuss them what they're presenting in their research and you have to understand a lot about church history in order to not report terrible shit about church history. Not talk about apologetics or anti-Mormon so-called reporting. Isn't Nauvoo a planet in Star Wars? That's with a B.

I think Kolob. It's with a B. Nauvoo. Oh. Nauvoo. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. That's where the Princess Amidala is from.

Did you meet a princess when you were down there? Felt like a princess. So people are going to find your podcast, where would they look? iTunes and Stitcher. Don't use iTunes anymore. Apparently they don't have the entire backlog of podcasts. I don't know what the deal is with that. But Stitcher or any podcast or

app of your choice that is Naked Mormonism or you can support on Patreon.com slash Naked Mormonism, or you can support on patreon.com slash nakedmormonism, where supporters get a bunch of extra content pretty much every week. Thanks for joining us today. Thanks for having me in the glory hole. Felt really good in here.

A little sweaty, but it's the first time I've been to a glory hole. It's been a good experience. Grab a towel by the door. And also for listeners that are interested, they can go over to episode 71 of Naked Mormonism where they can hear me tell you guys

about the worst presidential candidate in American history, if that's something that interests them. Oh, nice. Okay. We'll check it out. That's great. Thanks for joining us today, Bryce. Thank you, guys.

It was awesome. So that's going to wrap it up for this episode, but we're going to leave you like we always do with the skeptics creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno Babylon bullshit couched in scientician, double bubble toil and trouble pseudo quasi alternative acupunctuating pressurized stereogram pyramidal free energy healing water downward spiral brain dead pan sales pitch late night info docutainment leo pisces cancer cures detox reflex foot massage death and towers tarot cards psychic healing crystal balls bigfoot, churches, mosques, and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense.

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