Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 39: The Emperor's New Scent

Episode Date: March 18, 2012

16-year-old girl killed herself after being forced to marry her rapist Abortion foes to say exorcism prayers at clinic 'We Have No Choice': One Woman's Ordeal with Texas' New Sonogram Law Church Puts Legal Pressure on Abuse Victims’ Group Iowa high school assembly stirs protest In his heart, Rick Santorum knows that Dutch people are forcibly euthanized Santorum: Obama DOJ favors 'pornographers over children' Wyoming Native American tribe gets rare permit to kill bald eagles Heaven scent: Pope orders eau de cologne that he alone may wear http://pomee.tumblr.com/post/18899601760/kony-2012-causing-more-harm-than-good http://tumblr.thedailywh.at/post/18909727859/on-kony-2012-i-honestly-wanted-to-stay-as-far http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VpuB11d0Gog Clips: allahu akbar, Jesus Camp, The Simpson's,Louis CK learns about the Catholic Church, Jesus Camp Ft. Blue Suede, Notorious B.I.G. Big Poppa. We were on the Conspiracy Skeptic show. Visit our Website at http://dissonancepod.com for all the links.

Do you want to get cognitive dissonance streamed to your iPhone or Blackberry? If so, download Stitcher free today at Stitcher.com. You are watching the beginning and the birth of the new world order. In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. To me, it's pretty simple. A person either believes that god created this process or believes that it was an accident and that it just happened all on its own they got together and swore a pact to the devil they said we will serve you if you'll get us free from the prince true story uh and and

i also am an amateur paleontologist so i've spent a lot of time looking at the earth's temperature over a very long time. It's a very sad life. It's part of Satan, I think, to say that this is gay. It's anything but gay. It's critical, I believe, to have a commander-in-chief who is a Christian-in-chief first, and then is our commander-in-chief. Our forefathers founded this country on biblical principles, and they never intended the Bible to be removed from our schools. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad.

It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome mat. This is episode 39 of Cognitive Dissonance and we do not have a guest. We've had so many guests. I feel it. I know. Apropos to say at this point that you are just going to have to suffer with the two of us. We say that every other time too. I know.

I actually feel like the guest. I feel warm and welcome. This is like my safe place. So I feel like you're whoopee. This is my this is my ice. This is your fortress of solitude club. Although we did not have a guest on this episode, we do want to thank the friendly atheist and conspiracy skeptic just posted their show. Yeah, we're going to be on – we are on the latest conspiracy skeptic. What I like about that, Tom, is that most of his blog posts that deal with the previous people that we're on have these huge lists of all these links of all the things that we talked about. Ours has four, and one of them is to us.

So that tells you the depth of knowledge we bring to that show is so low, it's almost you can't even see it. It's that low. Right. It's like, let me source your information. I provide no information. Yeah, we don't have any information. We just made jokes the entire time.

This is editorializing, kids. Yeah. But we had a fun time on Carl's show, The Conspiracy Skeptic, and we're going to link to his show that had us on in this episode's notes. So if you want to find it, you can find it there. It's about an hour long, and we just talk for the entire time. We kind of talk about our podcast, and then we get into mostly talk about conspiracy based around the medical profession. It's rambling and unfocused just like this show. I mean it's ridiculous.

It's probably his worst show because we were on it. Through no fault of Carl's, we should emphasize. It's not Carl's fault. It's just us. We were on it. So it's bad. This is terrible. This is from a story from the Daily Mail, although I've seen it in several other places. Moroccan Moroccans demand change to Islamic penal code after girl 16 kills herself because judge forced her to marry her rapist.

What do you say about this other than your fucking Islamic penal code is is evil? It's is evil. It's just evil. When you look at a victim and the only way that you can put the fact of this woman's attack right in your mind is to have her become an honest woman by marrying the man who attacked and assaulted her. You know, she's a basically this is creating a sex slave out of this woman. Oh, you were attacked and raped and assaulted. That's great. So now you can be his sex slave. Where's the downside for this guy?

Right. This guy is a rapist and he has no downside. I don't know, Tom. I can't figure it out. I can't understand why this would even be available. The only thing that they, the kind of logic that they throw at you in this is that in this culture, if you're, if you're not a virgin, when you're married, it's a really, really horrible stain on you and your family. So what they do is they marry them off to these rapists so that at least the family can,

can recoup some sort of their, their name in some way. But that feels, that's so fucking selfish of that family to be like, Oh, you know what you should do is fucking marry your fucking rapist so that we look okay. Like what?

Well, I mean, you're a, you're a parent, Tom, would you ever say that to your child? Would that ever even fucking cross your mind to be like, you know, you fucking put us in a bad light here, son.

So what I want you to do is do this horrible fucking thing to make us look good. Right. You know, the thing is that cultures that have an honor tradition, that they will do terrible damage to members of their own society in order to protect that culture tradition, in order to sacrifice your own child, your system's fucked up. Your priorities are fucked up. And the very idea that somebody being attacked and raped renders them somehow damaged goods. Isn't that, isn't, don't, aren't you supposed to rally around that

person? Can you imagine, Cecil, if somebody in our social circle were attacked? They would receive nothing but support. Right. Because we surround ourselves with decent human beings. Right? You wouldn't look at them and be like, well, they're

fucking damaged goods now. But clearly that's the message of this You wouldn't look at them and be like, well, they're fucking damaged goods now. But clearly that's the message of this law, is that in order to make the family whole, in order for the family not to feel damaged by the very presence of this defiled woman, we have to marry her off to the first person who stuck a dick in her that's it's a fucking it's awful and evil beyond reason and it's based in islamic code well and then and then what happens when you get married right you get married to this guy who's already abused you once well what what do you think the fucking trend is gonna be be? I mean, can you fucking predict this? Can't you just see that the trend is going to be that this guy is going to fucking defile you whenever he wants because now he has fucking permission from on high?

And in the story, they're talking about how the prosecutor actually fucking kind of tried to get her to do it. It's like, no, you should probably do this. You should probably do this. And the guy didn't even want to do it until he got told, oh, you're going to spend 15 years in the shitter. And he's like, oh, fuck. Well, I better fucking marry that little girl then. Because it's even worse because he raped a minor over there. So it's like, oh, well. And I mean, what kind of fucking society are you in that you're just like, oh, hey, you know what? You just fucking raped a minor child, a child, somebody who was not a fucking adult that

cannot make adult decisions yet. You fucking raped them. But you know what we're going to do? We're going to give you a fucking get out of jail free card as long as you fucking make an honest woman out of her. Yeah. And he gets to not go to jail. So that's his punishment. His punishment is marriage. That's his punishment? His punishment is marriage? I mean... Where are we? What is happening?

What could possibly be going through your mind to think that this is a good idea? This is fucking baffling. And it's just evil. It's just evil. And you look at this and you say, okay, well, where does it stem from? Well, it stems from your book. Right. It stems from your holy book.

Well, real fucking holy. Real holy. This guy gets to be a fucking rapist. He gets to walk free. He gets to abuse his wife. This woman gets to be treated like chattel. Great. Great fucking book.

Nice religion of peace. Fucking evil. You're fucking evil. You've got to stop looking at your society and saying what we need to do is keep it in the fucking, you know, in the Stone Age, in the Bronze Age. You've got to look at your society and say, you know what? We figured out some shit since then. We figured out that men and women are equals. We figured out that you shouldn't abuse other people. We figured out that you shouldn't kill people for stupid, ridiculous offenses that do not warrant death. We figured this shit out. We have grown as a human

race since then. Can't we all just agree that we've grown? And that's the problem is they just don't want it. They don't want to do it. They want to be so in fucking sconced in their own book that they've got to do this crazy shit to be fucking to at least feel fucking honest to themselves and their stupid fucking book. I don't think women have any hope of achieving any kind of

equality or measure of peace as long as Islam is used as the basis for any kind of a moral or legal code. Sure. No, I don't think so either. I don't think, I don't understand how you could possibly even support it if you're a woman. I don't know how you could.

I just pray over this equipment. We speak over the PowerPoint presentations, all of the video projectors, and we say, devil, we know what you love to do in meetings like this. And we say, you will to do in meetings like this. And we say you will not in Jesus name, you will not prevent this message from going out. No microphone problems in Jesus name. This story is from the Dayton Daily News. I like this story. Abortion, abortion, abortion, abortion foes to say exorcism prayers at clinic. abortion foes to say exorcism prayers at clinic. I like this because the way it's written, it's written, it's written that,

you know, they're upping the ante. That these, these protesters are upping the ante. Oh, we'll show them now. You think you've seen praying motherfucker. You ain't seen nothing yet. Cause we're going to say some exorcism prayers. Right. Oh yeah. Yeah, that's right. We're to say some exorcism prayers. Right, right. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's right.

We're casting devils out of the abortion clinic now, bitches. I hope that they have like the full ensemble for this sort of thing. Like they have the guy in the full robes with the fucking big crucifix. They have the woman with her head spinning around outside. I hope the whole exorcism theme is part of this. I mean, I really do. I think that's what you got to do, I think. I mean, there's noism theme is part of this. I mean, I really do. I think that's what you got to do, I think. I mean, there's no way to half-ass this.

I mean, you've really got to bring the damage on this. You got to get the incense out. You got to bring your holy book. You got to put somebody on a bed, I think, at some point and chant over them. Isn't that how that works? I think there's some green soup involved. There has to be at some point. And heads spin around on swivels yeah somebody's head has to spin around cecil can i can i read part of this

prayer fucking a do it i mean i'm gonna read it on the podcast so anybody who's listening yeah i just want you to be prepared if you're a devil close your ears i may be casting demons out of your your computer it might come out of your spam filter. It's out of your iPod. It just shoots out of your – Those guys just – they hide everywhere. Seize the dragon, the ancient serpent, which is the devil and Satan. Bind him and cast him into the bottomless pit that he may no longer seduce the nations. Do you think that's going to stop anybody from having an abortion?

I think that's actually a Manowar lyric. Are you serious? Yes, I guess if the fetus happens to be a dragon. If it's a dragon, I want it out anyway. Right? I would want to have it. I'd be like, she'd be like, baby, I'm pregnant. Whoa, really?

With a dragon. Cool'd be like, she'd be like, baby, I'm pregnant. Whoa, really? With a dragon. Cool. How cool is this? Puffs the magic fetus. I finally get a dragon. Are you kidding me? Like, I didn't even have to, like, roll a die or anything for this. No, no, you get your own dragon.

Although, man, that's got to be hard to push out. That's all I'm saying. Got to be hard to push out. I read this cool thing on Reddit this week that I want to share that I thought was really an interesting way to deal with people who protest at abortion clinics. This person drives by their local abortion clinic, and

if they see people outside protesting, this person stops in their car, gets out, talks to the people for a moment, says, oh, you guys are protesting here. And they'll tell him why. He normally tries to get into a dialogue with them. I think that's probably a good thing. And I wouldn't do it, but somebody else can. That's fine. And then he has this dialogue with them. And then he says to them, just so you know, there's five of you here. I'm going to go donate $5 for each of you to the abortion clinic. And he goes in and donates, say, $25 or $50, depending on what he has on him.

And he does this every time he drives past the abortion clinic and there's people outside. So he says it doesn't normally rack up because they're not out there every day. And he winds up giving money for these people and it actually makes it so their protest is less useful to them because the abortion clinic is actually getting more money because of their actions. And I think it's actually a great way to handle it. Don't be confrontational. Don't be a jerk.

Don't flip out at these people. Instead, just walk and be like, I'm going to donate some money in your name. So thanks for protesting. Right. Every time I see you, I'm going to pay for an abortion. Yeah. Like I'm just going to – you know, it's like if you were wealthy enough, that would be actually pretty awesome.

Be like, oh, how many of you are there? Five? Great. I'm going to sponsor the next five abortions. Five free abortions. Fucking free abortions. I would have somebody with like a fucking sandwich sign and like dancing like with the arrow, like spitting the arrow. I would have them dress up because I don't want to think about what they're dressed up as.

They would dress like Dr. Giggles. Dr. Giggles. That's so terrible. Oh, no. One of them could be a dragon, I think. Yeah. One of them's got to be a dragon. I'll tell you what.

If anybody has a dragon fetus, I will pay for that abortion. You'll pay to adopt it. What are you kidding me? Yeah, right? Although, no breastfeeding that thing. Oh, no. That's bad. That's formula.

Formula 409. That's it. Abortions for all. Very well. abortions for all very well no abortions for anyone abortions for some miniature american flags for others this is a story from the texas observer. This was sent to us by Al. Thanks, Al. Yeah, Al.

This, I mean, we have to talk about it because it's actually a pretty moving story, but it's also pretty fucking unbelievably heartbreaking. forcible penetration laws that had been trying to be passed where women prior to having an abortion procedure, they were forced to have a sonogram or an ultrasound. And we talked about how the majority of these abortions that are done are done prior to 20 weeks, which means that the ultrasound would most often have to be internal. So they'd have to be penetrated by law in order to have that. And we talked about that sort of in theory. But this story is a little different. This is a woman's story in Texas where she was forced to have a sonogram and have the procedure and the baby described to her in detail by a doctor by law.

And this is, Cecil, a gut-wrenching story. It really is because, Tom, she wanted that baby. Oh, so badly, yeah. Yeah, they went into this clinic. They didn't go to an abortion because they went to the doctor. And they wanted to see their baby, right? You know, like that's what they do. They're like, oh, hey, we're going to see our baby.

And then the doctor sits them down and says, just so you know, I got to tell you some stuff. And the stuff the doctor was saying was that this baby is probably going to be developmentally disabled. This baby is almost certainly going to need medical care from the moment it's born until it dies. It's not going to be a normal child. It's not going to live a normal life. It's going to suffer for its entire existence. And this woman is just torn apart because she doesn't want it. And they say it with the word abortion and she

even shrinks. She just like shrinks away. Like how could you possibly even say that? But she has to consider these options. Does she bring a child into the world that is suffering or does she, or does she, you know, wind up doing this procedure and getting an abortion? And she chooses abortion. But since these laws make you hear the description of your child inside the womb, he has to describe the child while he's looking at it. They have to wait. There's a 24-hour waiting period like it's a fucking loaded gun you're trying to buy. Right. It's just this awful bit to try to get people to shame them into realizing, hey, just so you know, that could have been a baby if you would have waited long enough. So I'm going to shame you into this because I'm pro-life.

What I want to say to those people is, OK, that's fine. You're going to vote for this law to be in effect. You're going to make sure that all these women have to hear this description. That's already a difficult fucking decision on its own. You're going to make it more difficult for them? That's cool. You know what we're going to do is we're going to set up all the people that we murdered in war. We're going to have all their children come and describe their parents to you. How's that for being pro-life, asshole?

You know what? We kill a lot of people in this world. We go out and go to other countries and fucking take them over like we did in Iraq. And hundreds, like 100,000 people die. And nobody blinks a goddamn eye over here. Everybody's just like, oh, whatever. Those people are too brown for me to give a fuck about. But you know what?

The moment somebody's going to have a baby and has to make some horrible decision, you're going to fucking compound that decision. You're a fucking degenerate, and I hate you then. I felt like you weren't clear on your feelings. Fuck those people, man. Really seriously. You know, you fucking,

you wrap yourself in the fucking pro-life flag all day long, but it's only when it comes to fucking unborn children, unborn fetuses, whatever you want to call them. You're going to wrap yourself in that flag. But the moment you talk about real pro-life, when things are actually alive and you're killing them or you're not taking care of them, now you're not pro-life anymore. Fuck the homeless.

Fuck those people in other countries that we go over and fucking drone to death. Like, fuck that. Why not put all those people together? Well, that's because I'm not fucking consistent in my fucking crazy fucking views. That's why. Yeah, it's not pro-life. It's pro-fetus. Right.

But that doesn't have the same ring to it, right? It doesn't have the same rallying cry. And, you know, to take a family like this that's going through what may be the most difficult thing that a family can go through and they're involved in such an incredibly intimate decision that should only be made amongst themselves and should be private and privately held. And their grief is, you read this article, and their grief is palpable. Right. You read it and it is genuinely moving

to go through this article and you think, and some fucking lawmaker some asshole sitting in a fucking leather chair with no knowledge of this woman and her husband and how desperately she wanted this family and that and the tragic circumstances of the fucking genetic lottery that is part and parcel of the human condition and the ramifications of that what she's supposed to bring this this this child in this story is uh not going to develop properly a brain spine or legs what how much heartache how much heartache for your policies how much heartache for you to clear your conscience for she has to hurt and he has to hurt and their family has to be devastated like this. And how long the consequences? How long is it when

you get over the grief of such a terrible decision that you have to make? To compound that is wrong. It's not a matter of whether or not you think abortion's right or wrong. It has nothing to do with that. To compound somebody's grief is just wrong. It's mean-spirited, and it's there so that other people can clear their conscience. Look, if you're anti-abortion, I don't care. Don't get an abortion. I know. Don't get one. Just don't have one. It's like, you know, I don't get an abortion. I know. Don't get one. Just don't have one. It's like, you know, I don't think that's a good idea. I'm not going to do that. And I'm going to encourage my friends and family not to do that. Right.

Okay. But to put, to enshrine into law something that compounds a woman's grief? Well, and it's this guy who has, you know, it's obviously, I think, a male-driven bill. I can't imagine this being pushed through by, you know, a group of women to say, you know what we really need. You know, I think it's probably a male-driven bill. It's this idea that women need to be kept in their place. Women need to be shown that this is sort of their function on the planet. Don't fucking step out of your function because that's what you're made to do.

And and we're going to shame you every step of this process. And even though in this article they say that they might not have had to describe the baby to her because she is in this position and they sort of wrote this into the law. It doesn't matter. Abortion isn't an easy decision whether or not the baby's healthy or not and abortion doesn't decisions don't get made this late normally anyway they get made much much earlier and to compound that decision to hurt the to make women feel shame about that makes them not want to do it and it takes away reproductive rights from the women you know we don't have we don't have any kind of reproductive rights for men. It's just wherever you fucking lay your seed is where it goes.

You got a fucking baby, you got a fucking baby patch. It's like, hey, guess what? This is a fucking, I can fuck whatever I want. I could fucking grow as many goddamn babies as I want. And it doesn't matter if I don't make enough money to take care of them. You know, the state's going to jump in and fucking help me out. You know, there's people out there that have fucking males out there that just can't control their own unit enough and don't have enough brains and they fucking create a ton of babies.

But there's no backlash against those people. There's no. It's financial at best. Right. That's the only backlash. But, you know, these women have to go through all this problem if they don't want to have a child, but yet will sit and bitch about all these children on welfare? You know, like get your fucking message straight.

Just figure out what you want to fucking talk about, what your talking points are, because your fucking conservative, crazy, social fucking politics is all over the goddamn map. You know, one hand, you're pro-life. On the other hand, you're pro-war. On one hand, you're fucking anti-welfare. On the other hand, you're pro-war. On one hand, you're fucking anti-welfare. On the other one, you're fucking don't fucking get an abortion. Figure out what the fuck you want to do because you're so fucking conflicted it makes my head hurt.

There's almost some cognitive dissonance there. I see what you did there, Tom. I like the Johnny Apple semen reference. You know, we're just like, just going about like spreading seeds. It's like an orchard of children like everywhere. It's part of the religious war on women. Sure.

That's going. Yeah, absolutely. You know, I don't understand how the religious war on women even works. They're a bigger voting bloc than men in this country. No, it was a bad decision. Also, some men actually like women. Just throwing that out there. Also, some men actually like women.

Just throwing that out there. Well, I thought that the point of the church was to worship God, and the boy-fucking was just incidental. No, it's just the other way around. The point of the church is the boy-fucking. All the other stuff is just busy work. So this story is from the New York Times. Church puts legal pressure on abuse victims group.

The Survivors Network, there's a group called SNAP, Survivors Network of Those Abused by Priests. Now, in an ideal world, that would not be a big group of people. Yeah. This is not an ideal world. But the Roman Catholic Church is coming down pretty hard on snap. Oh, snap. And a lot of people are pretty upset about it. What this is, is really just legal bullying, right? The more money you have, the more you can tweak the legal system in our country to do what you want it to do.

And that's really what this article boils down to. They're now getting subpoenaed to show records. And this could, according to this article, could destroy the group because, you know, there's confidential stuff in there and they don't want it to be seen. And they're not even part of this case. But you know what? We have enough legal power and enough pull to manipulate records and to attack people. You know, a group like this, I think if you're a fucking responsible organization, you should

embrace them. You know, if you're if you're part of the Catholic Church, you should look at this group and be like, you know what? We're going to work as closely with you as we can because we're horrified. We are horrified at what happened. And we're going to work as closely as with you as we can to eradicate this cancer that is filling up the pastor spots and the priest spots in the world. We want to make sure we are as dedicated as you are to removing these bad priests. But instead, if you're fighting against them,

what does that say about your organization? I don't. And that's what I don't understand. Why aren't they? Why aren't they saying, fuck, I agree with you. I will help sponsor this group. I all the time, I get yelled at every day. So it's like part of my job. So it goes so much further when you just say, hey, I'm real sorry. When you come out and apologize for a genuine error, whether it's your error or not, when you were a representative of an organization, whether it's your error or not when you were representative of an organization when you just come out and you say look that shit was wrong here's how we're going to help fix it that goes so much further in in creating a positive image of your organization instead there's this like circle the wagons you know pull in tighter defend against theordes. It's like the hordes are inside the wagons.

They're fucking the kids in there. Well, they're ruining lives. They're ruining people's lives. You think, you know, I don't know anybody who would argue with me to say, like, if you were molested as a child, you're you're suddenly better off. There's nobody that says that. It's not like they're enriching children's lives. They're destroying lives. And it's obvious that they're doing this.

Why not just call for it and be like, hey, you guys got to straighten up. And you know what? We're going to help these people straighten up. And instead it's just, like you say, it's a big fight. Why is there a fight? There shouldn't be a fight at all. Because there's no other side of the argument, right? There's no two sides. This is a really cut dry issue. Well, they just, they just deny it. And you're like, well, you can't deny it after a certain point. It's impossible to deny. Yeah.

In the name of Jesus, we speak that. So this, I love this story too. This is from La Crosse Tribune. There was an Iowa high school that had an assembly. And for that assembly, they had a group come in to do like a singing group. This was for the Dunkerton High School. What were they called? The Junkyard Jesus? What was the name of the band?

It's Junkyard something. Junkyard Jesus or Junkyard. Wasn't it The Junkyard Jesus? What was the name of the band? It's Junkyard something. Junkyard Jesus or Junkyard. Wasn't it like Junkyard Prophets? Junkyard Prophets, that's it. Yes. So they hired the Junkyard Prophets. Now, anytime you hire the fill in the blank prophets. Yeah, probably not a good thing.

You've got to think that there's a religious message here. Sure, sure. Because remember the secular prophet. Unless it's spelled P-R-O-F. Right. That is Donaldald trump right there's no secular profits yeah how would a secular profit work who would be prophesying i don't know it doesn't happen so they hire these idiots to come in and these guys are fucking crazy as shit.

Tom, we used to have a segment on Everyone's a Critic called The Critical Reinterpretation where you would read some lyrics from crazy fucking nutbag songs. I would encourage you now to go to the middle of this article and say just read what they said here. People be freaking when we speaking because we burning it up. The life you living when you sinning because we tearing it up. What's even being said there? What the fuck does that even mean? With the word that hot from the school of hard knocks going to break the rocks. We ain't stopping. The conviction's popping.

Junkyard in the house. House. And the Holy Ghost dropping. And then the next thing is, quote, the kids were rocking out instead. I like this. It's like, with the word that hot, I think you accidentally a word there. I don't know. You accidentally a word there.

That's great. I don't know what happened with that sentence. These people are functional illiterates that you had come sing at your school. I would think you'd want to get literate people in to actually sing at your school. I don't know. I mean, that's just me. I've got to go over some of the highlights of the crazy shit that they did. First of all, they separated the boys from the girls.

Sure, of course you do. Nobody does that. Well, unless you're fucking – Like, it's not sex act, right? Sure, unless you're crazy fucking evangelical and think that the boys shouldn't be near the girls, then yeah, I guess they do it. The leader showed images of musicians who died of drug overdoses. That's nice of him. They blasted other performers like Toby Keith

for their improper influence. They told the girls to save themselves for their husbands and assume a submissive role in the household. They also forced the women to chant a mantra about remaining pure. That's really awesome.

Why would you hire these people? They're the junkyard prophets. Look, both of those words don't lend you a lot of credibility. Especially in a public school. And they seem appalled. They seem shocked. The tone of the article is like, it's just, they're just like the administration of faculty just left scratching their heads in bewilderment, shocked and astonished that this didn't go well.

You read through the article and you're like, well, what the fuck did you expect? Also, if you're the guy who's in charge of finding the people to do your thing at your assembly, hey, we're having an assembly. Cecil, you're in charge. Find us a guy. You know, we want it to be dynamic and entertaining, something fun for the kids. Would you actually watch the performance before you hired them? You would think you'd do a little research. I mean, that's kind of your fucking job.

You know that whoever was hired for this spent their entire work week masturbating on the internet and finally Googled who's available at the last fucking minute. Who's available? Why do kids have assemblies anywhere? Are they that bored? Can't you just show them television? I remember having an assembly, Cecil, about laser lights, and they just did a laser light show.

And you're like, I didn't learn anything about lasers at all. I just saw lights. I remember when I was a kid that we saw Jesse White's tumb about lasers at all. I just saw lights. I remember when I was a kid that we saw Jesse White's tumblers a couple times. You see them everywhere, though. They come out and they did their tumbling thing, which was awesome. Great. Good for them.

And then there was like a dance troupe that came out and danced. I remember that one. And I remember there was a comedian that did like a whole joke. He was basically just did jokes, like kid jokes. And that's what she did. But I never really understood the point of it. Be like, okay, well, you got us all together where there almost certainly was going to be a fight in this 1,500 kid room because kids can't stop and sit still. So somebody is going to punch somebody else in the face. And then you're in this giant room watching some idiot ham it up on like ham it up in the middle talking about doing Bill Cosby jokes.

Who cares? I don't understand what the purpose is. School assemblies are always – just stop them. Just stop assemblies because we always do it wrong. Well, because everybody who's planning these assemblies is 30 years older than the children. The things that they think are going to be worthwhile are not going to be worthwhile to the children. And you're not going to book Miley Cyrus.

You're going to book the junkyard profits. Hey, that's hip and fresh. Oh, gosh. They're fucking Holy Ghost dropping. I don't know if you knew. Well, what I know is we're going to take a break right now to give you all the information that you need to find us on our email, Facebook, Twitter, to call and leave us nasty messages on voicemail.

And if you want to drop the Holy Ghost, we're totally cool with that. Oh, yeah. Drop the fucking Holy Ghost. Drop that shit like it's hot. Yeah. The Holy Ghost is actually warm. He's fucking preheated. Right.

Actually. It's like a heat sink. You put them in your oven. That's how you can detect them with that fucking Egon sensor. That's why they go off. Absolutely. A lot of people don't know that. Yeah, they don't know. Because it's not true. You put them in your oven. That's how you can detect them with that fucking Egon sensor. That's why they go off. Absolutely. A lot of people don't know that. Yeah, they don't know.

Because it's not true. And we just made it up. Like the rest of the show. You can email these assholes at dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. For more information on this or any other episode, visit the Cognitive Dissonance website, dissonancepod.com. Like our show on Facebook to join in the conversation. Just search for Cognitive Dissonance on Facebook or go to our website for the link. You can converse with us on Twitter. Our Twitter handle is at Dissonance underscore pod. Help us

out by retweeting and reposting our shows. You can call us and leave us a message at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. Long distance rates apply. Your help is fucking greatly appreciated. Cecil, Rick Santorum. I heard something this week, Tom, that scared the ever-loving shit out of me, and I'm just going to repeat it to scare you too. But this guy looked at me and he said, what do you think of a Romney ticket with Santorum as vice president?

And what happened was I pooped a little when he said that. I think I just Santorum. Yeah, I mean that's what happened. It was like anal leakage. It just shot right out of there. Jesus Christ. That's an Olestra. That's terrifying. It is, that's what happened. It just, it was like anal leakage. It's just shot right out of there. Jesus Christ. That's an Olestra. Yeah.

That's, that's terrifying. It is, isn't it? That's terrifying. Romney is the lesser ish of the evils just because he's less crazy. Sure. Santorum is just so, so seriously off kilter. Right. And like, listen to this.

This is from foreignter. Right. And like, listen to this. This is from foreignpolicy.com. Santorum claimed that one in 20 deaths in the Netherlands are caused by involuntary euthanasia. First, I take issue with the idea of involuntary being used to describe euthanasia. That would just be murder. I know. It doesn't even make any sense. Cecil, if I'm asleep and you come into my house and you inject me with poison and I die, did you involuntarily euthanize me or did you murder me?

You murdered me, right? Like, I'm not missing in something there. Right. Now, let's imagine I had a head cold. And you're like, oh, his quality of life has really gone downhill. And you did the same thing. It's still murder. He also said that elderly Dutch people wear bracelets and say,

do not euthanize me. I want one that says, don't tase me, bro. And don't go to the hospital. They go to another country because they're afraid of budget purposes that they will not come out of the hospital if they go into it with sickness. Oh, come on. What fucking world is that guy living in?

I have no idea. It's not the real world because when you actually do a little research, you figure out that it's not even remotely true. No, of course not. Like the Netherlands. The Netherlands, people are not terrified of being euthanized by their government in the Netherlands or on Earth. Yeah. That's not a thing that happens. It's just not a thing that happens on the ever. Remember that time that didn't happen?

That was always. Well, it's this fucking, it's this make shit up culture that we live in. It's this, you can make whatever up you want. He's trying to stir up people to make them think about Obamacare. That's what the context of this is. He's making them be like, oh, well, you know, you let in socialized medicine, they're going to kill you. It's going to be fucking Logan's run. You're 33 years old, your fucking hand blinks, and we're going to fucking put you in an arena and shoot you. You know, that's what's going to happen. Well, it's

fucking ridiculous. It's a stupid, ludicrous idea. And the only reason you're using it is to try to stir people up to get them to think differently about a subject because you have no facts on it. You don't have any facts to back it up, so you'll just make shit up. I like this part of the article. It's a matter of what's in his heart. He's a strong pro-life person. Fucking – Press Secretary Alice Stewart.

Just because you think something in your heart doesn't mean that the facts change here's a fucking newsflash you don't think with your heart you think with your brain motherfucker you don't think with your heart so the very fucking concept be like well he just knows it in his heart well that means that he fucking he he's making shit up that's a fucking that's translation for i made some shit up that i thought was true that I just wanted to say so somebody would fucking change their mind on an issue. Right. Here are some things which I will say which match my preconceived beliefs. Well, those things aren't actually factual.

Yeah, but they're in his heart. They're in his heart. It's so cute. I believe in my heart that if you read the Bible, you fucking burst into flames. And you do. And you do. That's true. That's why I don't read the Bible. It's true. It's fucking absolute. I believe it in my heart, Tom. I believe in my heart that I can fly.

So after we're recording this, I'm jumping out my second story window. Put a big mattress down there. Believing shit in your heart doesn't make things, doesn't change Dutch medical statistics. That's not how it works.

And what does that tell you about him? What is his debate going to be like? Well, I believe in my heart that we fucking that abortion kills 80% of the babies when they're 9 months old. Well, people are just going to believe it because he said it, even though it's not even fucking true.

And at this point, he could just say whatever the fuck he wants. And it's somehow people under people are like, oh, well, he said it. So it's got to be true. That's the type of fucking news cycle. Well, the thing is that once you give this guy credibility, a certain number, a certain segment of the population is going to see him and think, well, he couldn't say that if he didn't have something to back it up. You know, he's running for president. Right. He's insane.

This guy. He's also, Cecil, going to take away all of your prong. Yeah, well, you know, there's no better way to get the voting bloc. You know, we said earlier that the voting bloc is mostly women. There's no better way to motivate males in the voting block than to try to say, well, you know what we're going to do? We're going to take away hardcore pornography. That's gone.

Well, guess what? You're going to have a line around the block. The college kids, they're coming out in droves at this point. Yeah, I'm sure that that's the way to get the youth vote or the penis having vote. Penis. No kidding, right? Look, you're not taking away the porn, man. Like, no matter what your stance is on pornography, and there's some serious and legitimate criticisms of pornography that should be reckoned with.

But it's just not going away. I mean, you can look. I was just watching something the other day that, like, one of the oldest forms of writing that's ever been found is dirty jokes. Some of the oldest pottery is pornographic in nature. Sure. This shit is cross-cultural. It's cross all time. You know why?

Because men and women like to see each other naked doing the nasty. How are you going to get rid of the whole internet? The entire internet is pornography. Every site is pornography. I wouldn't know what else to do with the internet. I would be like, why do we even need it? Let's just shut it down. I don't know what to do with it.

I'm like, well, I mean, I guess I could look up sports stats, but who cares? It's just such a ridiculous idea. It's like, well, we're going to take away wheels. We think wheels... Look, you can't roll that... There's some shit you just can't roll back. There's some freedoms you cannot take away. Like, every other internet page would just have cobwebs

on it. It'd be like, nobody would ever use it. It'd be just like, huh. Well, I guess there's an internet, but I ain't going to do anything about it. I ain't going to go on there. He also said that the Obama administration's Justice Department favors pornographers over children. That's a false dichotomy if I've ever heard one ever, ever, ever. It's actually three things.

It favors pornographers over Dutch euthanasia patients over the Department of Justice. Nice. So that's, I mean, it's like a three alligator mouth thing going on there. It's like a crazy equation that he came up with. It's like a ring of Ouroboros' linked together. Right, absolutely.

They're all eating their own tails. Everything is eating itself at this point. And that's what happens on pornography a lot, too. So, you know, I've seen that. You're going to take away my porn. You're out of your mind. You know, this guy is just so extreme. And the thing that we were talking, I was talking to some people yesterday, we're talking about Rick Santorum. Santorum. And some of the things that were coming up in the conversation were, this is, you know,

Tommy, you and I have said this many times, is that what the primaries are is really just a way in which to reach that crazy vote. Because the middle of the road, people aren't voting in your primary. They don't give a rat's ass. Primary season comes and goes, and they could give two fucks because they're not going to probably vote in your primary. Because a lot of states, you have to be a registered person. And a lot of these places, the independents are really what swing the election. So these people are really just fighting amongst the crazies to be the fucking top crazy. And then we go to the general election, and then they have to become more middle of the road. That's why this works. How does Rick Santorum become middle of the road?

I can't imagine the leaps he's going to have to make to actually become middle of the road to have a, you know, let's presume by some fucking crazy turn of events that he's actually the nominee. What happens? What does that debate look like when he's trying to be middle of the road? Is he just going to fucking short circuit on stage? a fucking short circuit on stage? I mean, seriously, he's just going to be babbling, does not compute over and over and over again. This guy is a toaster in the bathtub of the intellect.

Right? Totally is. He just sparks and destructs shit everywhere he goes. He just fucking mutilates himself. So this story is actually from Fox News because why not? Wyoming Native American tribe gets a rare permit to kill bald eagles. So I guess according to the religious customs of these tribes, of this particular tribe, rather, in Wyoming, they need to kill a bald eagle. So the government's like, sure. Your religion says you get to kill an endangered species.

I can kill it. My religion says I get to kill Santorums. That's so strange because you could just make any kind of religious demand you want and as long as it falls within your religion it's totally cool like we're allowing people to be like hey you know what my religious decision means that I can kill a bald eagle and we're like that's fine there's a permit well what if you're like a racist

well my religious I get to kill black people well here's your permit you know you can only bag five of them but you know what the fuck what are we doing here why i don't have any idea this is respect for religion gone wrong it really is like i mean i don't get me wrong my my ability to get worked up over dead birds is really small it's low admittedly it really is i is really small. It's low. It's low, admittedly. It really is. I mean, really small. But when you look at this, you say, well, wait a minute. Killing bald eagles is illegal for the everybody.

Right. Unless it's a Native American tribe who gets to claim it for religious purposes. It's now socially preferable. Now we're like, well, before we all had agreed, we all made a pact, right? That's what a law is, is a pact amongst ourselves to say, okay, we have decided that we want bald eagles more than we want to kill bald eagles. So we are all going to decide that killing bald eagles is illegal. And we all fucking secret handshake on that shit. And the president finally signed it.

And now it's a law. At least that's how I remember it. And now it's a law. At least that's how I remember it. Unless you happen to have some religious ideology which says that you can just slaughter shit that's illegal to slaughter. Then it's okay. Now it's okay. Well, they're still fucking endangered. We might just wipe them off the fucking face of the planet, but whatever.

Whatever. It's the fucking national bird. It's on our icons everywhere. He's like, I fucking killed it. What are they doing with it? Why is it so important to kill it? Does your god not love you anymore? Like, I died and I didn't kill any bald eagles.

I can't even say it. Your god sucks so bad. Yeah, like you show up at like – Stupidest childish God ever. And I was a good person and I took care of my wife and kids and I tried to do right and I tried to help – Did you kill any bald eagles? How many bald eagles? What's it?

Zero. Zero you, bald eagles one. Sorry. Right. You're going to bald eagle hell where they peck your balls for eternity. You can't even defeat a bird. You're going to bald eagle hell where they peck your balls for eternity. You can't even defeat a bird. I think – I actually think that this might help people understand that giving people religious preference in this country is a bad thing.

I think a story like this is great to show, hey, religious preference is really dumb and maybe we shouldn't give people religious preferences. You shouldn't have a permit to kill bald eagles. You shouldn't try to fucking, you know, put little slogans and mottos on our fucking money, even though it's already on there. You can't put religion in schools. We can't pray. Because what are you going to pray? Are you going to pray to the fucking bald eagle god if you're, you know, why don't we do that then?

They're getting special rights here. Let's, you know, make sure that we institute a Native American prayer everywhere at every school. Absolutely. Fucking drum circles for everybody. So, yeah, I think this is a great way in which to show the absurdity of giving religion a special choice, some sort of special privilege. It shows people, hey, maybe this isn't a fucking good idea. So this story, we're not going to spend a lot of time on. the place. Cause I see some ladies tonight that should be having my baby. So this story, we're not going to spend a lot of time on. This is from msnbc.com, but this is delightful to me. So Pope Palpatine, you know, is a big fashionista,

it turns out. I had no idea because I don't care about the Pope, but he has commissioned a scent, a cologne, if you will, to be created that only he is allowed to wear. Oh, the Pope. The Pope. It's called I made a Popey. That's what it's called. I guess it's to cover up old man stink and rotten teeth. I mean, this is a guy who wears cherry red loafers. He has the rotten teeth because it's all the candy that the children refused.

It is easy to take this from babies. It is easy to convince babies to do that. Especially when my priests distract them by fucking them. There were some great comments on our page about this. Basically people saying what it smelled like. I thought they were very funny. It's hard to top some of those jokes. I mean what does this smell like?

It probably smells like mothballs. Like that's the only thing I can think the pope would actually smell like. Or sweaty balls. Either mothballs or sweaty balls. I'm not sure which. What is the scent of irrelevance? You know? It's like one of those cones.

You know? Like what's the sound of one hand clapping? What is the scent of irrelevance? Because that's one of those cones. What's the sound of one hand clapping? What is the scent of irrelevance? Because that's what you spray on the Pope. He's like, walk up, be like, hmm. And who's, really? He created it and said, oh, only I get to wear this. Why, you don't want to run into somebody who smells

like you? You're already the only Pope. I just hope it contains pheromones to scare away children. That's all I hope. I hope that immediately it triggers a fear response in all children and they just run away. Cecil, just look at this guy. Everything about him would scare children.

Yeah, there's a fear response I have just looking at him, and I'm a grown-ass man. Can you imagine this guy as Santa Claus? Oh, good Lord. He would be the scariest Santa Claus. You know what I can imagine him as is the Wicked Witch of the West. Like I could easily imagine him in a pointier hat than what he has on with, you know, he obviously has the ruby slippers already. He clicks them to go to heaven. That's actually how he gets there to talk to God.

He's like, there's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home. And he's sitting there in his like giant gilded Vatican room clicking his fucking loafers together. What a ridiculous human being. You already got the fucking bulletproof car and the hat that's six feet tall and a scepter and you live

in a fucking Vatican. What is the Vatican anyway? It's a country, not a country. He is the Wicked Witch of the West, though. I mean, think about it this way. The only way to kill the guy is to drop a building on him. I will only be moderately surprised when the flying monkeys surround him. This guy's a dummy. Well, you know, and who's paying for that?

I have no idea. Who's paying for that? Couldn't you feed a kid with the money you spent on your fucking. Well, you know, and who's paying for that? I have no idea. Who's paying for that? Couldn't you feed a kid with the money you spent on your fucking stink water, you dummy? Couldn't you fucking just, like, save a little money and be like, you know what? I'm going to buy fucking a kid in Africa a meal for the rest of the year with the money I just spent on my shitty cologne. Right. Yep. My fucking lime tree extract or whatever the fuck you're using.

Got to fucking smell like something. He's a good man, Cecil. You know what you smell like? You smell like Scrooge McDuck, you gold-laden motherfucker. That's what you smell like. I find your lack of faith disturbing. So we did talk about Coney on our last show, and I thought we That, you know, the Invisible Children movement and the, you know, I've read a significant amount of the controversy over it. And, you know, like the leader of Invisible Children, it's a two-star charity.

You know, they're not a transparent charity at all. I guess they have a strong evangelical push, this Invisible Children organization. They've got a strong evangelical push. And I've even read that one of the things that they're trying to do is get us to intervene in Africa just in order to proselytize to Africa, military intervention in order to sort of proselytize. And Kony is basically just the scapegoat. Sure. Because he makes for a pretty good scapegoat. Sure, absolutely.

But he makes for a pretty good scapegoat because he's evil. If he was evil six years ago when he left, he's still evil now. Yeah. I mean, I don't – they mentioned though like, well, the money – they're talking about going to Uganda. He's not even in Uganda anymore. I'm like, that's fucking perfectly valid, right? Like that is.

And then also the country there, like the people that are in charge are really kind of shitty people, too. And they're doing some awful fucking horrific stuff. So Uganda, the focus is off of what is really happening. And just today there's an article from NBC San Diego, Invisible Children co-founder detained. And I'm going to read the first part of this article. The co-founder for Invisible Children was detained in Pacific Beach on Thursday for being drunk in public and masturbating, according to San Diego Police Department. So this guy doesn't seem like he's very well balanced at all. No, no.

You know, I hear you. I do. No, no. You know, I hear you. I do. I hear all of those are all extraordinarily valid criticisms of the whole stop Coney. Yeah, absolutely. They really are.

So loud and clear. And we were, you know, Tom and I were agonizing last time and whether or not to talk about it. Reason why we did is because we had some funny jokes that we wanted to say. But other than that, we really didn't care too much. It was really more about Rush Limbaugh, I think, than anything else. But yeah, I think we understand that there's a lot of controversy behind this. And a lot of times, the thing I think Tom and I were most, the reason why we wanted to say it the most was because a lot of people, the most of the pushback on this, at least that's how it felt initially.

Now, there was some valid criticisms that came out later, but the initial pushback on this, Tom, was mostly, oh, you heard about it on Facebook. So therefore your opinion is invalid. And there was a ton of pushback like that, which just seems like a stupid fucking criticism. You know, no matter where you hear about something, it doesn't make it less valid because of the venue in which you heard it. Right. And it's part of that. And we talked a little bit about this. It's part of that, like, you didn't love this band from their first EP, so you're not a real fan.

Like, it's that same mentality. Like, well, you only started loving them after they became popular. Right. Well, I didn't fucking know about them before that. Yeah. What do you want from me? I have to know a thing before I can care about a thing. There was a movie, too, that Andy had sent us.

And Andy had sent us a post of this movie on Facebook. And it's from a show, a British show, that was actually really funny. So if you get a chance, go to our Facebook page and look for Andy's post of the movie that he sent for Coney. And it really does a great job of dissecting the whole thing and making a lot of funny jokes about it. So if you got a chance, watch that for sure. Really quickly, I just want to say to Stu who sent us an email, please don't tell anyone else in the UAE that you're actually listening to our show. I seriously do not want you to mention this to anyone there. Because that is not going to be a

fun stoning. That's all I'm saying. It's not going to be an enjoyable time for you. But he says he can't get to the Reader's Choice Awards from the UAE, and I would expect that that's probably because the page contains the word atheist. I love that he can get to our show. I don't know how the fuck that happens. We

slipped through the cracks because we're just unknown. But evidently, he can't get to it. So speaking of the Reader's Choice Awards, Tom, if a listener were so inclined to vote for the Reader's Choice Awards, all they would have to do, and I know you're very interested in this, so I'm going to mention it to you, Tom, because I know that you're sort of really entrenched in this. All they would have to do is go to our website, DissonancePod.com, and in the lower left-hand corner is a giant logo, Reader's Choice Awards finalist. And there's also a link underneath. You can either click the image of the link, and you could vote in the Reader's Choice

Awards for your favorite atheist or agnostic podcast of 2011. We are in the lead, but we are closing in now at the point where this is the last final push. The award will be done before next show. So we'll be able to tell you yes or no if we've won next show because the award, it's going to be awarded on the 21st, I think is the last day to vote. So we would encourage people, you can vote daily. We would encourage you to keep voting. Thank you very much to everyone who's voted. I'm going to stop taking up your time with it. But again, thank you for making sure that you voted in this poll, and we really appreciate it.

So we got an email challenging us to pronounce his name. Karadik. Karadik? Is that what you say? Karadik. It's Karadok, I think. Karadok. Karadok.

I don't know. Whatever. We're fucking Americans, so maybe we pronounced it right. Maybe Carradick. It's Carradock, I think. Carradock. Carradock. I don't know. Whatever. We're fucking American, so maybe we pronounced it right. Maybe we didn't. It's a Carradick, right? Yeah, sure. I don't know. Yeah.

So he voted for us on the About.com poll. He also rated us on iTunes. We appreciate all of the ratings that we get on iTunes. Those really help us. And he also said that he is a Welsh Zambian mixed race listener in London. Zambian? Isn't that that stuff that makes you sleep? I don't think Zambia's a thing. I'm not sure that that's

real. I think you just made that up. I'm American, so I don't really know anything about where that would be. But we do appreciate the email very much. Thank you. And we appreciate you giving us a rating on iTunes. Anyone who wants to rate us on iTunes, you're more than welcome.

Again, those help quite a bit. Yeah, they do. They really do. So we got an email from Lois. Lois, I love this. She really objects to, although she did vote for us in the Reader's Choice Award, she objects to the isms of atheist or agnostic. She doesn't want to be an ism or an ist.

And I understand that. And the thing is that atheism or atheist, it's not a thing. It's not really a thing. There's no word for unicorn atheists, right, or any of the other things that you don't believe ist. It just so happens that we live in a culture so pervaded by religious nonsense that to be not swayed by that bullshit has its own words. Yeah, yeah. And that's a little insane. But, Lois, I understand.

Yeah. I do. I understand and I sympathize with your desire to not be pigeonholed into that nonsense. We got an email from Patrick. I really appreciated this email. Patrick, your email really kind of made my day. You know, he said that we're good examples of the mythological moral atheists. And I think that we've talked about this on the show, and I think that our listeners would agree that this idea that you need religion, and the religious people harbor this idea,

and they try to spread it amongst themselves that that religiosity somehow is required in order for uh there to be morality and morals um i think that's utter tripe um and it's it's totally unsupported by the facts which we attack every week on this show got an email from deb who just found us on stitcher and and just wanted to say that uh you know she's both a mom a a wife, and an atheist, and she likes this show quite a bit. So thanks for listening, Deb. We appreciate it. We got an email from Terry. Terry just finished listening to the entire back catalog.

So I just want to give you my condolences. Guinness Book will be contacting you very soon because I think you're the only person to actually endure that. You'll get the masochist of the year award for sure. But Terry sends a nice email, and he also says that he has a blog. Now, Terry, send us a quick email if you want us to put a link to that blog on our site. I don't want to announce it or mention it. If you don't want it sent to people sent over there, that's fine. But if you don't mind, we'd like to share your share your link. So if you would like it, we can put it on our blog.

Or if you want, Terry, you could just log into Facebook and post it directly on our wall and people can go to it from there. It's a Tumblr site. And and and Terry has all kinds of very amusing stuff on there. So thanks again for listening, Terry. So next week is a big week for us, Tom. We are going to have our first bromance on here. We're going to have Dumbass from Dumbass Guide to Knowledge and the Invisible Sky Monster podcast. He's going to be on our show next week. It's going to be really exciting to have Dumbass, who found us pretty early on and was a pretty vocal supporter of us and I'm really looking forward to that. So that should be a lot of fun. Absolutely.

It should be a great episode. As opposed to the other 39 that we've put out. So we're going to have Dumbass on next time. Remember to check out the Friendly Atheist blog from last time and also remember to click the link for the Conspiracy skeptic for this

episode that just came out which we're on and as always thanks for listening and we're going to leave you with the skeptic's creed credulity is not a virtue it's fortune cookie cutter mommy issue hypno Babylon bullshit

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