Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 392: Build a New Cons..tituen...sit

Episode Date: December 25, 2017

                  Tim Minchin Xmas Song:   Fleshlight on a muffler:  

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or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Glory hole, gentlemen. In your discussion about Alex Jones You fucking rock. department of the sex doll company. Yeah, my sex doll has failed. What were you doing at the time?

Oh, God, no. I don't want to know. No, I don't. No, I don't. Oh, thank you. I can't get that out of my head now. Glory hole. Hey, Cecil, and to some extent, Tom, this is Kevin MacLeod,

the guy that makes all the music. I just wanted to thank you for the super shoutout that you did in last week's episode. But I guess I can say goodbye to all that sweet Christian money now that I've been getting from people. Ah, fuck it. Glory Hole. Yo, what's up Tom and Cecil? You guys have been talking about bands you regret listening to and you'd be horrified to have a tattoo. I got two good ones for you. Papa Roach and Limp Bizkit. Fuck you, Tom. That was so cool.

Enjoy your eggnog this Christmas, guys. Glory Hole. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from glory hole studios in chicago this is cognitive dissonance every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way we bring critical thinking skepticism and irreverence to any topic that makes the news makes it big or makes us mad it's skeptical it's political and there is no welcome at this is episode 392 of Cognitive Distance. This is a Christmas episode. Merry Christmas, motherfuckers. Unwrap this motherfucking

thing. Unwrap it. Get over to the glory hole and open that hole up. You know, this might be a very welcome present for all of those people who have like shitty religious families. You're stuck at some like horrible family gathering. I used to get stuck

at my ex-mother-in-law's house for dinner. She was not a good cook from what I remember. Of all the places you could eat. Gitmo. A correctional center. Auschwitz.

Not at all. All better places to eat than on my ex-mother-in-law's home. My favorite story is when she crock-potted asparagus. Oh! Oh my God! It was a nightmare. It was a nightmare. It was an absolute nightmare. She made a

rice chicken food that was supposed to have peas in it. But she was like the queen of all substitutions without any idea of how to substitute. When you substitute in the culinary world, when you substitute, you need to know what that ingredient

does. So you can't just substitute water for eggs if eggs are the structure. If it's a liquid, maybe. But if it's not used as the liquid, and eggs are used for many things not just you know one so there's a you're adding proteins and fats there's all kinds of stuff you're adding you know and you're adding you know things for structure and you might add for steam there's all kinds of things you could add for when you're just like yeah i don't have peas so i'm gonna use like caribou that's the

thing you do that would have been better. That would have been better. Crockpotted this asparagus and then stirred and stirred and stirred it. Crockpot asparagus? Come on now. Everybody knows. Everybody knows that is cooked asparagus that the moment you leave them in there too long, they're like little green worms. They're like

slippery, gross, little stringy worms. But worse than that, it turned the whole food green. And it's string now. stringy worms worse than that it turned the whole food green yeah and it's string now it's all strings and they broke into nothing piece you couldn't avoid them yeah you know and it was this green starch glop it was the most unappealing food i've ever seen she basically made the grinch for christmas she made the grinch i looked over at my son my son had this desperate, he had this look of sheer horror on his mind. Did he have to eat it? I made him eat it. I ate it.

I looked at him. I was like, just try it. Have a little bit. And he and I locked eyes and we're just like, we are in this shit together. It was a thing. It's like a moment from the road. We're both eating a baby today.

We're both getting a baby. Baby time. We're going to do this thing together and we're never talking about it afterwards. It's funny because I always get out of eating bad food at certain places. Wherever there's bad food served, I almost always get out of eating it just because I'm a super picky eater. So I'm just like, no, I'm not going to eat that. And I just say, I'm just not going to eat that. See, I think it's pretty well known because I'm a super picky eater. So like, I'm just like, no, I'm not going to eat that. And I just like saying,

I'm just not going to eat that. See, I'm, I think, I think it's, it's pretty well known that I am not a picky eater. So, and,

and for the most part, like if I'm just eating for fuel, I can just say like, I don't like it, but it doesn't matter that I don't like it. I just need to put things in this body. Like I need to keep chewing on something until I'm done. But there's a moment,

there is a moment there where you're just like, even I cannot even consider this as a fuel source. Like, it's just that bad. I want to know what was your worst Christmas dinner? Like to the audience. I want to know like absolute worst Christmas dinner you've ever had. I think many of us have had some similar miserable, awful Christmas experience. Something some, your fucking great aunt Marge showed up with. The

worst thing that's ever shown up for Christmas. I will say one of the worst dishes that was ever offered me was a, there was these beans that someone had made and they had taken like a bunch of canned beans and thrown them in a pot. Not a pot. They were not cooked. So they were just beans. Imagine beans out of a them in a in a pot not a pot or what they were not

cooked so they were just beans imagine beans out of a can in a bowl and then they started throwing things in there they had thrown some mustard mustard in there they had cut up pickles and put it in there i think there was celery maybe onions but it was just this big glop food of all kinds of just cut up shit with uncooked beans. Well, they were cooked. They were just canned beans. So they're just a mush food, but they're cold and gross. And it was, and they looked

and they said, do you like beans? And I was like, absolutely not. That was my answer. And that's how I got it. I never tried it. Never tasted it. I'm too dimwitted. I'd be like, I love beans. Fuck. No, not your beans. Oh, these are horrible. I gotta die. Sarah will eat.

Sarah puts stuff on her plate. She tries stuff from people. And I remember, Sarah is really good about cleaning her plate at people's houses. She does a very good job. Make sure that she does it. She thinks,

I think she probably thinks I'm being rude by not tasting stuff, but I don't care. I'm not going to do it. So like, and whatever. Like, I don't care

if people don't eat my food. You don't have to eat my food. I don't have to eat your food it's not a fucking compact we didn't sign a fucking contract i don't have to eat your food so like but when when she when i saw her plate after the day was over there that was not really tough like there was like one bite taken out but then there was like it was like clearly shoved over to the side like please don't contaminate the rest of my food. Well, I remember our very good friend Circle telling a story about eating and somebody had ashed into the potatoes. Either they had ashed into the mashed potatoes or they came from a smoker's house where the film from smoking had gotten on the food.

Well, they had gotten. So when they boiled the mashed potatoes, it might have boiled that film off onto the mashed potatoes. And so it basically tasted like cigarette ash. Like the mashed potatoes, he said he put a big pile on his plate and he took a bite of it. He was like, ash, oh God. Like he said, it was so repulsive

that he nearly threw up. So yeah, that's a great question, Tom. What is your worst, and it could be a food or it can be a meal. Send us a message and we'll read a couple on here. I remember as a kid, my dad would ash into his Pepsi can. And I remember when I was a little kid, I used to like grab my dad's Pepsi can and finish

the last sip, you know, if he'd leave it on the table. And I remember one time grabbing that can. It was like, boom. And I just popped that thing in there. And it was it was Pepsi and cigarette ash and a butt. And I was just like, just like it was just a horror show i once did the same thing with a bee and the ashes were worse than the bee and the bee was alive that bee was alive i guarantee there's people on the audience though that drank out of

a dip can too like that i'm sure it's happened cans are used for the vessel to drink in and then never touch them again. They need to go away. Need to get thrown away. Treat them all like the roofied. Yeah. Right. Like if it, if it ever like,

like I wouldn't put it down. Right. Unless you open it, don't ever drink out of it. Even here in studio. I'm looking at this beer. That's not left my sight. A little suspect.

Yeah. And I don't even smoke. All right. This story is from from news.com.au. Amazon pulls infant circumcision trading kits over child safety fears. Yeah, no shit. Yeah. Because, like, I think if you're going to cut somebody's genitals,

you shouldn't be ordering a how to get from fucking Amazon right like yeah it's the only surgery that we would be like we don't do a home hysterectomy right can you imagine like I got the home open heart surgery we're doing the home

hydrocephalus shunt insertion yeah it's like my baby has a sub aortic stenosis, so I ordered a kit from Amazon. What are you talking about? It's like your kid's a kit car. You're ordering like a lift kit for him. He's got a spoiler.

You've tinted his eyes. I have to adjust his undercarriage lights. He's got pinch stripes down his face. He's like a customizable kid. I want to talk about what this kit covers. This kit features surgical scissors, scalpels, a practice dummy

with prosthetic foreskin replacements and instructions. It has a picture of this thing. It's a little baby crotch with detachable penises.'s amazing so when you're like oops uh i need a mulligan it's turned to the dad you're like does he have another penis i love about this is do you remember i don't know if you remember this but there was a commercial on for a doll when i was a kid that was like a baby doll that would wet its diaper do you fill this with

ketchup wouldn't it be weird if you went by and someone was like ketchuping their hot dog that's meta as fuck you know what i mean that's fucking meta as fuck. You're taking a wiener to put on your wiener? That's fucking outstanding. That's meta. I actually wish this was available on Amazon just so I could own this now and have like a picnic. You know what? There's got to be some priest out there with this as a paperweight on his

desk. Where did I put that? Oh, it's under the baby dick. It's under the the baby dick that's where I left it there has to be a moment where like you're like I think I'm ready to move off of away from

the plastic baby and try this for the first time on your real life baby and you're going to be like you, you can look at the parents. Like I've done this hundreds of times on inanimate objects. Like what the fuck are you talking about? I mean, you're not even doing it.

Like, like don't doctors practice on cadavers. Isn't that how doctors get there? I don't know. I think that they practice on cadavers. I thought they practiced on poor people. That too. They make them into cadavers and then they practice on them.

But yeah, I mean, I think that they practice on cadavers and they practice on, you know, they make sure to get that, you know, because then it's just like, okay, we showed you the book. Go get it. You know what I mean? Like, they clearly have. He did great on the written exam. He's asking where you

fill the number two scant on the person. It's like, wait, do which, which organs do I fill in with the lead? Yeah. Why did I get that multiple choice medical degree? This looks like a horror.

I can't believe this exists. I can't believe they sold it on Amazon. Now that I can Amazon prime, I need this fucker in two days. Get this baby to me. I need it. Stat. I wish this fucker in two days. Get this baby dick to me stat. I need it stat. I wish I could read the reviews. Oh, the reviews. The best review I read for this

was somebody who said, like, I hope that they can get this practice down in five tries. It's like five tries. Knock it on the park. Some of the reviews are hilarious. There's like a review by like a rabbi. It's like, I triedocking on the fork Some of these reviews are hilarious There's like a review by like a rabbi It's like I tried sucking on it but still blood

That's why you need the ketchup So if he comes up and it's on his face You know that he didn't cut it right I gave it herpes The next guy who's practicing gets herpes He's like Philil what the fuck oh my god this story i couldn't believe this fucking thing. This comes from dawn.com. It's time Pakistan banned the two finger test for decoding consent in rape trials. I had no idea that this was a thing. Yeah.

But to boil this down in Pakistan, the rape conviction rate is like 4%, 4 fucking percent. And one of the things that they do to keep that so low, because that's horrifying, is they judge women based on whether or not they're previously sexually active. Basically, it's like the

did you have it coming test, right? And so they have a quote-unquote medical procedure where they insert two fingers into the vagina of the accuser. Yeah. Right. And if they can. And if they can.

Well, like in the one, it's like, yeah, well, they inserted two fingers and it, you know, it hurt this woman. And so, you know, after we were done violating her again, we determined that she had actually been raped. And so the person who raped this one was convicted in other cases it's like yeah the vagina it says like the creepy shit it's like the vagina accepted two fingers readily or like

whatever you're like well that's really weird yeah bring me more fingers yeah and then they throw it out and then they say well Bring me more fingers. Yeah. And then they throw it out. And then they say, well, no, you're a slut. Right. The problem isn't the guy who raped you.

The problem is, is that you wanted the rape because you were sexually active. Yeah. And you may have even. And you basically consent to all sex at that point. And that's exactly like, that's what I was going to get at. It's like, all of this is horrible. Right. It's all horrible for all the reasons you guys already know.

It's horrible. But it's like, it's like consent is given once in this culture and then given explicitly, not even implicitly, explicitly to all men. Yeah. All men. It's like, I had sex with one person and therefore I have explicitly given my body to all men in this entire fucking culture absolutely that's a horror yeah and that is ownership absolutely that is an ownership culture yeah and you said it was four percent four percent rate of conviction and that

is that's insane and that just means that in order to get it into single digits you have to use two digits. Oh, fuck. One of the things that they said in this article too, and this is pretty much an editorial article, so, but the person said, it is presumed that a woman with honor

would never bring shame upon herself by admitting that she had been raped. A true victim in many ways is one that never comes forward. God. So,

even just admitting it is, it's just, it's, it's in their culture. It's just, it's even admitting it is, is basically bringing dishonor. And like, even think about that word, like admit, like you admit things that you're guilty of. You're not guilty of being raped. You don't like, you know, like everything, everything is wrong with a culture built like this. Every single thing that you cannot, you can't possibly look at something like this and defend it in any way did you happen to watch there was a video it was kind of a viral video it was like

in jordan there was a guy going around asking like kind of a man on the street thing and it was like you know what what would you think if your sister went out and like got a job, like just a job outside the house, you know? And like, there were people like, yeah, fucking killer. And they're like,

real, like you would do what? Like, like if she didn't like come home and she was like out, just out on her own, like being in the world. And they're like, yeah,

it's just, this is not permissible. I would fucking kill her. I would just kill her because she would dishonor my family. I'm like, well, who gives you the right to do that? He's like, yeah, my fathers, my uncles, my brothers. That's who gives me the right to do it. And they're basically like, yeah, just because.

It's a just because culture. You can't say that if you come home, somehow that's a good thing in a culture. They'll be like, you just come home late and you get to get killed. The Bible says they're going to eat their arms. The Bible says they're going to eat their babies. Then it says they're going to eat their children. That's what people do when they get hungry.

This starts from Right Wing Watch. This is Jim Baker making his weekly appearance. I can't even preach the gospel because those who hate God want to kill me. I totally thought that this was an old story, but then I looked and it's like yesterday. It's old news. It's the same thing he said every time. It's the same shit, but I love that he simultaneously

preaches the gospel and then bitches about not preaching the gospel. Here we go. Here's Jim. There's people today they have gotten their way not preaching the gospel. Here we go. Here's Jim. There's people today. They have gotten their way. And they have beat back all opposition. They've changed America. But the only thing they can't change is this.

Amen. He's holding up a floppy brown book. You could totally change that. Give me a crayon. Highlight all the words that you want. Come on. You could change that just by buying a different version of it. You could change it by lighting it on fire. The warfare

is against the God of heaven. The God of Abraham. Wouldn't God win? He's literally omnipotent. Like, Cecil, if I said to you, I need you to go to war against a kindergartner, how concerned would you be? Oh, man. I'd be rubbing my hands.

Just a regular fat little kindergartner. Like a little snotty nose, roly-poly, shitty, garbagey. They can pick the weapons. I don't even care at this point.

You'll thunderdome any kindergartner out there. Yeah, let's do it. Like you're not omnipotent. But like, isn't the balance of power between an omnipotent deity that literally created light?

Yeah. Like created light and matter. Just all of it. Right. Yeah. Versus like some light. Yeah. Like, created light and matter. Just all of it. Right. Yeah. Versus, like, some dude. Like... Tony.

Yeah, exactly. At least it wasn't like, oh, it's a war against God. If I was God, I'd be like, oh, really? I didn't notice. I was busy kicking your ass. Isaac and Jacob.

The God whose son is Jesus Christ. I'm serious. You have no idea. I can't even talk about it because you just did. You literally just said it right now. We can hear it. They will kill me. Who? They. Which of the days? Right wing watch?

The deep state. And I don't care what you say. I know what I'm talking about. They've already threatened my life because they disagree with the Bible and the Christians are stubborn, they think. They don't think we're faithful. They think we're too stupid to be faithful. Okay, to be fair, I think you're faithful and stupid. Yeah.

I just want to be, I want to make that really clear. I don't think that you can't be both. Yeah, to be fair, I think you're faithful and stupid. Yeah. I just want to be, I want to make that really clear. I don't think that you can't be both. Yeah, though you're not mutually exclusive. I'm not faithful and stupid. I feel like I've met more that are both than are just one or the other. They think we're nuts. And so we believe

this. Listen to me, you don't get this yet. Some of you do. Did he just say you don't get this shit? No, You don't get this yet. Some of you do. Did he just say you don't get this shit? No, you don't get this yet. Oh, that would be amazing. Hold on. Really? Yeah. And so we believe this.

Listen to me. You don't get this yet. Some of you do. Okay, you're right. But it sounded like it. It would be great if he was like, you don't get this shit. You don't get this shit. He gets back to his prison roots. He's got his curlers in. Couple in this room don't understand what I'm saying.

He's just pointing to his eyes and pointing to them. Sympathical. You know who it is. Come on, meet me in my trailer out back. I'll show you what for. I don't want any of you oldies. 45. That's what show you what for. I don't want any of you oldies. 45, that's what I'm looking for.

The only thing they can't beat. They won everything. They changed America. But isn't your worldview that Trump is your guy? Well, they changed America. They changed America and then they just fucking signing statement

that shit right back to the way it was like I fucking basically erased all the shit although there's still some fighting back like I know that the trans stuff isn't going through in the military even though he wanted it to they really haven't done a lot to gay marriage but

you know there's some stuff that are just like yep right it's just gone now and that's all gone this is this guy who wants it both ways. He wants to be the underdog. Yeah. He wants one in the mouth and one in the ass. This guy's finger cuffed.

He wants to be plugged up airtight. They changed the morals of America. They changed everything about America. They got control. But we just elected a president. You didn't just do it. It's been a year. Yeah, it's been a while.

I realize that time flips by like pages in the wind for you at your advanced age, but it's been a year. And also like you have the House and Senate too. They've had that for four years or something. So you've had the House and the Senate, but somehow you're the under diggity dog here. I'm not super confusing. Yeah, and since even before Gorsuch, it was tied, and now Gorsuchich is in there, and it's 5-4, just like it was when fucking Scalia was alive.

The evangelical vote elected the president. That's right. They know it. That's right. A pussy-grabbing president. Right. vote elected the president that's right they know it that's right a grabbing president right by 38 of america squeaked by yeah squeaked by less than half numerically all right and they they're they're trying to bring in millions of illegals they are trying to bring in anything from other, all the people from other countries to build a new voting group. That's literally impossible.

Yeah, that's impossible. It's a literally impossible thing. Even if, even if we wanted, as I presume that I am the, I'm the they in this circumstance, right? Like I'm a secular thinky person. Yeah? Like I'm a secular thinky person. So I presume... I want that shirt. Secular thinky person.

We should make cognitive dissonance shirts and say just a secular thinky person. If you would buy a secular thinky person shirt, let us know and design it for us. Also host the merch. If you could buy silkscreen all the shirts,

sell them for us and then give us the profits. Did I say I'm losing my job? I'm losing my job. So I want you guys to make sure that I don't have to blow hobos.

Blow more hobos. I'm already tapped out. bows blow bows it's like a bogo on my blow bows if you blow an old man is it a blow pop depends on his relation to be able to build a new constituency a new constituency.

Wait a minute. A new what, Tom? Hold on. A new what? Be able to build a new constituency. He like frees us up. It's like when you catch your dog humping something and it looks over at you like, I won.

Just trying to get that one little bit out. You know what I mean? That wasn't doing anything. Can you play that again? Be able to build a new constituency. Constitu... Constitu... Be able to build a new... He starts beatboxing.

He's like... He's like that guy from fucking Police Cab. He's like, build a new... He sounded like crumpling newspaper. new. He sounded like crumpling newspaper. It's like it's like his vocal cords just realized how old they were.

I just turned a paper. They have to grow over us. And that's why in this next elections or whatever, if every Christian gets out and votes together... Well, then you'll have the same thing you have now. You'll have the same thing

you have now that you're saying doesn't work. Yeah. Like, you just, you start off the first part of this clip saying, like, it doesn't work. They're winning. They've changed America. If I preach the gospel, I'll die. We should all get out and vote and get the same thing we already have. Yeah. God help us. We already changed. America's being changed. And the warfare is anger. They're angry. They want to kill. They want to march. They want to burn.

They want to break windows. They want to burn up cars. I think the biggest miracle is President Trump has lived almost a year as president of the United States. I agree that that's a miracle. That is, yeah. It's like a Christmas miracle. Based on his cholesterol, I think that's a fucking miracle. Because he looks like a plucked goose. That's right. And accomplished more in one year than the last 20 combined. That's right. Yep. That's right. And accomplished more in one year than the last 20 combined.

Yes. That's right. Yep. That's right. Yes, he has. Well, if that's true, then why were you so upset about Obama if he didn't accomplish anything? If he didn't do anything. I love that shit, too.

It's like, oh, man, our president fucking accomplished all this and that. You just didn't like what the other guy did. Right. When he was doing stuff, those were accomplishments. There was accomplishments you didn't like what the other guy did. Right. Don't, you can't, when he was doing stuff, those were accomplishments. There was accomplishments you didn't like. Yeah. It's, it's such bullshit.

Like it's such a, it's like they're rewriting the history as it's occurring. I've never seen a rewrite happen to current events. It's the, it's that, it's that fucking blatant lie to try to show how much of the underdog you are, but then, but then also show how much you're in power.

Right. Look at how quickly we got all that stuff done. Well, how did you get that done? If done, if you weren't in power, like how did you do more than 20 years worth? If you weren't in power,

it's like, if you weren't in fucking power, you wouldn't be able to do stuff that they haven't been able to do in 20 years. We got to leave this clip. Like we, why? Like we went into the middle here. Let's play it to be able to build in 20 years. We got to leave this clip like we did in the middle here. Let's play it.

To be able to build a new constituency. That's so great. You win. Oh, God. I love you, Jim. Glory hall in extremely long black cock.

Two stories came out this week that were very similar. This one's from the Raw Story. Teacher at Christian school arrested after being caught in bed with teen student. So a 29-year-old teacher at a Christian school was caught by her husband in bed with a 17-year-old male student. Awkward.

And she is being charged. So she's being charged with third-degree rape, suspicion of third-degree rape, third-degree sodomy, contributing to the sexual delinquency of a minor, first-degree online sexual corruption of a minor, as well as unlawful delivery of marijuana to a person under 18 years old.

I feel like you get somebody to fuck you for pot that's of age. I feel like you get somebody to fuck you for pot that's of age. I feel like you could probably use that as a bargaining chip to fuck somebody that's 18. Ask Cash or Grass, right? You could just wave at them and be like, I got some fucking pot. What do you say? Now we're going to yell at them. They don't call it pot anymore.

They call it the reefers. What are you? A million years old? Yes, I'm a million years old. That's how old I am. The reefers. You kids smoking the reefers. What are you? A million years old? Yes, I'm a million years old. That's how old I am. The reefers. You kids smoking your reefers. But this is a teacher at a Christian school. I do like the reason I selected this story for two reasons. The one is that her biography now deleted at the Christian school that she had been

employed at said that she always felt called to work with youth and is very excited that God opened the door for her. Raw Stories innuendo game is strong. I know, right? That's what I'm saying. Raw Stories is always like that. They're always like tongue firmly in cheek. They do that shit all the time.

But I also want to point out, and I know this is like old and tired and had, but I think it's fucking true. Like whenever it's a chick, whenever it's a woman who has sex with a boy. Yeah. They say that they're sleeping together. They had an affair is how this is written. They say.

Yeah, it says police for having an affair with a 17 year old boy. And when she started sleeping with the boy. It was 15. It's never rape. It's right. They're charging it this way, but we report this. We report this, and twice this week it happened. Twice this week there were stories

about women victimizing young men, right? They report this shit in ways that minimizes the impact, right? Sure. If the reason that women can't consent to sex or sexual activity, or anybody can't consent to sex or sexual activity, or anybody can't consent to sex or sexual activity below a certain age threshold is because they lack

a certain amount of maturity. Isn't it 100% the case that boys who mature slower than women, right? Men mature slower emotionally and intellectually than women do. They're even less equipped. So if that rationale is the actual rationale for why we've said that there's a certain threshold, a certain age threshold under which you cannot consent, it does kind of make me nuts that we sort of like, well, was she pretty? You know what I mean? There's always that shit that's involved. So what that tells me is we don't believe that rationale. We don't believe that rationale.

I think that we don't believe that rationale. I'm just going to say, like, I don't think that that's the real reason. I think underlying that is a sort of protectivist attitude toward women that does not exist or exist in a lesser degree toward boys. I don't think it's a protectivist attitude. I think what it is is that we're not threatened by women. That's the thing. Is that men are not threatened by women.

And I'm going to tell you, I know that's not ubiquitous, so please don't send a message and be like, oh, I was raped. I understand that men can be raped. I get it. I understand. But I want to tell a story. I used to work at a cafeteria. I don't think I told this story on air, but I think I've told the story. I might've told you this story off air.

I used to work at a cafeteria right after I got out of high school. So I was 18, 19 years old and I was working a full-time job at a cafeteria. And basically it was like a place that fed like 900 people a day. I would work there and do work. And there was a woman who worked the grill

and she would sexually harass all the guys all the time. She would constantly sexually harass people. She'd grab them. She'd grab their ass. She'd reach for their crotch. She'd say sexually suggestive things to the guys all the time. And not just one guy, like all the guys that worked there, she would sexually harass them. And she would do it not just in private. She would do it in front of the entire kitchen. She would sexually harass people constantly. And it's not just harassment because it's assault if she's grabbing you, right? And so like this happened all the time. Every day of the week, this woman would harass somebody or assault them. It happened constantly. And nobody ever turned her in and she never got in any trouble. And it never bothered any of the guys because none of us were ever threatened by that. Sure. There was never a moment that I was afraid

that that woman could hurt me, that that woman could rape me, that that woman could have her away with me because I was a dude. And I was just like, you're never like, we're never going to have sex. You're never going to touch me. I don't care. All the shit you're saying at me is just rolling off my back. I don't give a shit whether you say you want to blow me or whatever. It doesn't, I don't care. Like, you're never touching my dick,

right? It's never going to happen. It's not, and so like, we just didn't think anything of it. All the guys there had the exact same idea. They're just like,

okay, great. That's weird. That's never going to happen because none of us were ever threatened. None of us ever, ever, ever felt like there was a threat.

She was never in any position of power over any of us, like,. None of us ever, ever, ever felt like there was a threat. She was never in any position of power over any of us, like which could have been very different if she was like the manager of that place. Very different feeling if the manager is saying, I want to suck your dick than if, you know, the woman out at the grill is saying, I want to suck your dick. Not so much, because it's funny,

because as you tell that story, there's a woman at the Burger King, and I had forgotten about it. It's that inconsequential, who did the same shit. She would harass all the guys in the kitchen. Yeah. And like, she'd wait for you to be like reaching for something she'd come up and like grab you or whatever she did it all the time sure and like it's funny because it was so inconsequential i forgot it never even you forgot to happen and she was the manager and it didn't

matter well i think well it didn't matter because you're a kid right the the people i was working with were adults right right so i think it matters a little differently when you matter because you're a kid. Right. The people I was working with were adults. Right. Right. So I think it matters a little differently when you've got to feed a kid at home or whatever. You got a mortgage payment. So it's a little different than just a throwaway job at Burger King. But even still, I was never threatened by her. Right.

Exactly. And I feel the exact same way. Right. Like, like these, these boys, we all assume they were never threatened because they were never there. There. We always presume that the man has the position of power all the time, all the time. We never presume that the woman has the position of power. And when she does, it's only through the guy's assent that these things happen only through his consent. They were having an affair.

They were sleeping together. Right. It was never talk about consent as if the guy can give consent at that age. Right. And it's it's funny because like probably a 15, 16, 17 year old boy is physically capable. But like the power position of a teacher to a student. Absolutely. Is it gross? But like we but like I think I understand what you're saying. Like when it comes to the power dynamics between men and women, when we start thinking about how those interactions take place between

adolescent boys and adult women, it gets muddy and confusing, right? Because the physical power position is such that that boy may be the match, the physical equal or greater. Probably greater than the woman, right? 15, 16, yeah. But then the intellectual, emotional, and power structure difference is still heavily tipped in favor of the woman who's abusing this boy. Abusing that boy, yeah.

But yeah, I'm just saying that shit is fucked up. We have a different standard. We have a very different standard. We do. We do. And it's so obvious in the language that we use to report these stories. Yeah. If anything, as a guy listening to this that doesn't think there's a thing like a patriarchy, look at this story.

Right. And it really does highlight the fact that men are in control. It really does highlight that fact. You look at it and you say, yeah, of course, because the only like the only way that we can report this story is if the guy is in control. He still has. It's funny, like we report the abuse of a boy by a woman in a way that still assumes he has power. Yep. Right. Yeah. a woman in a way that still assumes he has power. It's so funny because that default

mode of thinking is that the man always has some power in this situation. It's not that I disagree. I love the patriarchy. I'm killing it. I'm crushing the patriarchy. I love it. So don't get me wrong, MRA guys. I love that thing. Huge fan. I have a shirt that says

patriarchy rules. Also, if you want to make that shirt for us. Oh, no, no, no. No. Yes. Come on. That'd be a great shirt. Cognitive distance.

Patriarchy rules. It's not going to be understood right. That's right. That's true. It's like it's always been the little women that caught the vision of giving, beginning with Jesus himself, out of their private means. Some of you little precious ones have that little grocery money, some of that little money set aside.

Assure tonight the blessings of God on your family by giving it to God and speaking that. Say it. God, this is for blessings on my family. Oh, God. This story is fucking sad. CBS News lawsuit claims mega church in Ohio

swindled elderly woman. I mean, this is kind of what it sounds like, except for that it's worse because she's not just elderly. She's mentally ill. She's got she has fucking dementia. And she's been living alone for a long time since her husband passed.

And they have kids. Right. Yeah. And there's nobody to protect this fucking woman. Yeah. Except for the fucking church. Right. Like this shit makes me so crazy.

It's like these people, they go to these churches and they think that the church has, you know, this moral high ground and their best interest at heart. And like these places are just stealing from the most vulnerable people. This is this is like the fucking textbook definition of the most vulnerable possible person. And it's the textbook definition for a lot of people of the entity that should be protecting you. Right. It's the textbook definition of someone who is in a position of authority from you, in a position of authority with you that is supposed to be there to look out for your best interests. They're not only looking out for your best interests here, but also in the afterlife, right?

And we say all the time, like you hear all the time, the people that, that talk about, you know, follow the money. I don't know if you've ever heard that statement, right? Follow the money. I talk about it when I try to talk about big farming. We'll talk about something about that later. But, you know, they talk about that, follow the money. Nobody ever says that about churches, right?

You know, like, look at, this is a church that's looking for donations. These people are looking to get money constantly. And we rarely question them. We rarely look at them and be like, why do you need all that money? What do you need all that for? We rarely question them. We, you know, they have, they have, they have ability to not pay taxes. They have the ability to obfuscate funds all the time, you know, pass things through all kinds of weird loopholes and whatnot. And then they have, without people looking out for them, this woman lost $300,000,

$340,000 check payable to this cathedral. Yep. And it's worse than that because a member of the church even tried to get themselves appointed guardian of this woman. Sure.

Guardian. So to take over control of this woman's assets. I mean, when you're a guardian of somebody, you've got a tremendous amount of latitude. I mean, I mean, when you're a guardian of somebody, you've got a tremendous amount of latitude. I mean, not complete, but you have a tremendous amount of latitude.

You know, this was not a woman who like showed up, put too much money in the tithing plate. The church stalked her for this money. The church- They went out of their way to try to convince her to give it to them. They recognized a mark is what they did. And they went after them fucking mark. The good thing is, is that they froze the church's assets and they're trying to get it to them. They recognized a mark is what they did. And they went after the fucking mark. The good thing

is that they froze the church's assets and they're trying to get this money back. So that's a good thing. But you know, her niece or whatever is the one who's in charge now. And it's just like, these fucking people came after my aunt and tried to steal all this money. You know, it's like

when we were in Australia, Haley and I walked into, there's a great big Catholic church. It's very beautiful. Walked into this church. Did you go to the church, by the way, Haley and I walked into it. There's a great big Catholic church. It's very beautiful. Walked into this church. You go to the church, by the way, in Sydney? I didn't know. There's a great big, beautiful Catholic church there. And we walked in and kind of looked around for a minute. And I took a picture because I thought it was really pretty. And then I thought about it for two seconds and I realized how actually horrible it was. and there's like this gilded gate behind which is this beautiful stained glass area and the font or whatever of the baptism. Yeah, the baptismal font. Yeah, thank you. And it was sort of beautiful,

but it's like what you're saying. What do you need all this money for? So you can gild a gate to keep people away from your magical water? That's just crazy. That's money that could go to poor people to eat a food. And they're taking the money literally from

poor people who might need it for food. And they're using it to gild a gate. It's like the ugliest thing you can do with resources. It's like they're opposite Robin Hoods. They're like Hood Robins.

Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. They're like opposite Robin Hoods. They're like Hood Robins. This shit is fucking nuts. This is from the BBC News. Nottingham radio station's non-Muslim doctor advice breached rules. I had a hard time reading that headline. So let me kind of summarize this a little bit. Basically, a Muslim was given advice by a doctor that was not a Muslim.

And the advice was like, hey, you got the diabetes. You probably shouldn't fast. Yeah. Like, hey, you got the diabetes. You probably shouldn't fast. Yeah. And the Muslim, like, cleric or whatever was like, look, if that advice came from a doctor that wasn't a Muslim, you should just completely disregard it. He says, well, their advice carries no weight. It has no importance whatsoever.

Yeah. That's a quote. This is like your fucking pancreas doesn't give a shit what your deeply sincerely held religious beliefs are yeah right it's not going to be like oh man it turns out a muslim so you're here's some insulin and it's like it's not going to do that yeah it doesn't change its mind right when you turn to mecca right burn five times a day quick, produce insulin properly. Like it's not going to do that. Yeah, that's not the jumper cables to get a start.

Like I just like it's fucking flabbergasting that somebody be like, I don't know. Does he have a Muslim body? Maybe it'll work differently. Oh, he cut him open and he was Muslim inside. It's there's another part of this that says it added that

advising listeners to disregard the medical advice of a doctor, non-Muslim doctor, was discriminatory as it suggested a non-Muslim doctor was not capable of treating Muslim people. So they claimed that it was not only breaking the rules in the sense that they were giving out

medical advice, but it was discriminatory as well, which I thought was great. The next caller that he got was a woman who was being raped and she was like, was I asking for it? And he rushed over with both his fingers out. I was gonna drive a car over, but I was afraid to get pregnant.

Will I get pregnant if I drive a car over? Ready to stick it in the glory hole? Get links to their Facebook, Twitter, and if you still use it, Google Plus account at their website, dissonancepod.com. If you need to be all discreet about it,

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sloppy glory hole to all the patrons and people who rate us. You fucking rock. This comes from the Hurry Up Daily News. Not quite hurry up. Atheists do not know how to breathe properly, says a Turkish therapist. So this is actually very funny. Some fucking nut job. I'm going to try to read this name. Oh, I don't know what that letter is. We're going to go with S, but it's like an S with like a

prolapsed colon. Nefsa Fidan Karamehet. All right. So, Nefsa Fidan Karamehet Kara Mehet. All right. So, hmm. Nev Safran Caramel House. No, I don't think that's right. She's a self-proclaimed

breathing therapist, which I love. Self-proclaimed. I feel like if you need a breathing therapist, you're dead. Or choking. Breathing is not the sort of thing where you're like, I'm not breathing. You don't need a therapist.

You need air. You need a doctor. You need an emergency room. She suggested that atheists have no breath in their ribcages because of something to do with magnetic fields. I want to read what she said. Quote,

Radical atheists come to my seminars. There are many serious researches conducted to find the relations between breathing and thinking. For example, atheist abdominal breathing is perfect, but there is no breath in here, she said, pointing to a ribcage. There is no bulge

in the ribcage. It is like there is a stone in there. She said there is a bulge in the ribcage. Oh, there is. I'm sorry. There is a bulge in the ribcage. It is like there is a stone in there. She said there is a bulge in the ribcage. Oh, there is. I'm sorry. There is a bulge in the ribcage. It's like there's a stone in there. If you think we're hiding a stone in our ribcage, you wouldn't believe what we'll stick down our pants to fool. Exactly.

This is a PSA to everybody out there that really doesn't know a lot about atheists. Atheists take a long time to digest their food. They're like snakes. So what you have to do is that what you're probably feeling is the baby they ate a couple months ago. So you don't want to chew it. If you just give them a little massage with their consent, you will help them digest that food. It'll help push it down a little farther down into their body. So I want to read the second quote after she says that hundreds of thousands of atheists find God through breathing with her.

She said, during our exercises, we focus especially on the body part that has difficulties breathing. I feel like if your body has any difficulty breathing, that's your whole part. Well, I mean, it's just like, like you get the breath through the lung. Have you ever, your toes have never breathed? You ever like, no? You never like. You take one good deep breath. I can feel that all the way to my toes.

I just, sometimes that's why like, if your mouth and your nose are covered, you can just breathe through. Osmosis. That's another PSA for people. Atheists breathe through their skin. Like salamanders. We're like snails

when you cover us with salt. We also don't sweat, which is why we pant with our tongues out. She says... And we're diabetic. All of us are diabetic. That's from too many Snickers.

That's what that's from. That's not actually untrue. Hold on, I got to amputate my leg. What were you saying? The basement's a hell of a place to die. I don't know exactly what it is or what it's doing, but this is not human intelligence, okay? It's not human intelligence!

This story is right wing watch. This is Alex Jones making his appearance. The new Star Wars film is state-sponsored propaganda. At this point, is Alex Jones just watching shit on Netflix and going to the movies? And like all of his metaphors now are just shit he's seen recently? I think so. Remember the Stranger Things rant he had? And he also had a thing about the Matrix recently.

Right. He's just yelling about stuff he's seen recently. My wife bought tickets, like opening night. Are we going to have to go to star wars and i just said man i can't look at that poor sad uh princess leah carrie fisher was so eaten up near the end of her death it's just that you know she's eating up near the end of her death she's like she's been working on this stuff for a long time. She's had,

she's been working on it her whole life. Near the end of her, you know, when you, she's never looked worse than near the end of her death. At the beginning of her death though. I still want to fuck. Yeah.

I'm just saying. She could have, even Oldie McOlderson put on that Leia outfit. When she put on that Leia outfit, I'd throw that. I'd be Jabba the Hutt for her. I mean, I already have the body figure, so. To see a person like that on screen,

I just don't want to see it. And the others are so chock full of political propaganda. So I was talking to some of the crew and Daria went and saw it. And she said it was total SJW that Princess Leia had. Yeah, it's SJW because

there's a multiracial cast. That's why. I love the idea that like, here we are on earth and there's more than one race. Right. One would presume that when we start adding additional worlds into the equation

that there would be additional races. Exactly. How boring would it be if you went and traveled these interstellar distances and you find life on another planet? It's just fucking old white guys. It's just dudes.

It's just senators. Hey, you want to bump dicks? old white guys dudes it's like it's just senators hey you want to bump dicks as a girlfriend with purple hair and again i don't care if there's people with purple hair but every movie the women are the bosses the women are the heroes that's not every movie and it's also not reality i don't know why it's it's a big deal why would it bother you if it's every movie it's not reality uh well give them fucking movies man just be like if you don't want to give up power just be like cool you can just have all the movies i don't where it's fake and not real i don't even understand why this would bother him at all it's like on the movies sometimes women are in charge of stuff sometimes they're not cooking right

like just turn it off if you're offended weird misogynist asshole exactly they're all lesbians it's it's the same story over and over that's Pornhub you're confusing the movies with Pornhub the women

and lesbian movies are in charge. It would be weird otherwise. What they're doing in the lesbian porn is they're asking the dildos what to do. They're just like, you're the representation of maleness in this scene. Direct me. Tell me what I need to do.

And it's a formula. It's state-sponsored. It's brainwashing. It's like all these shows where the Russians are direct me. Tell me what I need to do. It's a formula. It's state sponsored. It's brainwashing. It's like all these shows where the Russians are our enemies. And then the bad guy, because they're the resistance, fighting like an Eric Trump-like character. So I haven't seen it yet. And again, Darius. But here's my opinion about the thing I haven't seen yet.

But somebody told me that there was less So I'm going to see it tonight. So fuck that tonight. Fuck it. Yeah. I talked about it on Twitter. They all attack me. That's because that's what they do. It's a place where they can ban you,

censor you and then all gang up. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I talked about it on Twitter. It's a place where they can ban you. You haven't been censored. You said you just talked about it there. The thing is,

he doesn't like it when people tweet at him, when people send stuff back at him. What people are saying, I disagree with you. And it hurts his little fee fee. I love that. I love the idea. The thing is, he doesn't like it when people tweet at him, when people send stuff back at him. What people are saying, I disagree with you, and it hurts his little fee-fees. I love the idea. It's like, I haven't seen it, but I talked about it on Twitter, and then they ban it. You didn't see it. You don't know what you're talking

about. You're opining anyway. People disagree. They're just saying you're bad. None of this happened. Even this, you can't even be honest about this. This is less true than Star Wars. You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers.

I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. This is great. It's from Ross story. Self-described Christian prophet predicts Trump will cure cancer and Alzheimer's during his second term. I have to say, doctor, heal thyself. No kidding, right?

He's got to release it soon, right? This is Mark Taylor talking about Trump. Anything about advanced tech or medical cures being released by Trump? Wait, wait, wait, what? Advanced cures being released by Trump. And, you know, here's something to speak about. Wait, wait, wait, what? Advanced cures being released by Trump.

Oh, well, you don't, you probably don't know this because you don't, you follow the mass media. But when the president actually controls all technology, it all goes, yeah, I know it's crazy to say. I just hadn't, I just, I guess I just don't read enough. Probably, you're probably getting stuck reading stuff that's true. So the president controls all technology and then decides, doles it out. I see.

Right? So most of it comes from Roswell, from Area 451 or whatever. And then he gives out pieces of it. Area 409. Yeah. Fahrenheit 409 or whatever. I don't know. It's a whole thing.

Anyway, you wouldn't know. You're brainwashed by the man. He released the JFK files. I'm waiting for him to release whether or not we went to the moon, but that's another subject. The moon files. I like that he leaves an open mind

whether or not. It could have been a yes. The question's still out there. I mean, they still have all the stuff we went there with they still have a reflector on the moon i was gonna say you could literally shine a light fucking laser at and it goes fucking tells you how far away the moon is but no you're right we should probably look at a paper that some asshole wrote that said we didn't go there. Maybe even something. What's going on down there at Area 51?

You think... Credibility. What I love is people haven't talked about Area 51 in a long time. We've just stopped. That shit was a big deal when I was a kid. Like when I was like a late, like a late pre-adolescent, like early teens kind of a thing.

And I remember like reading like these Whitley Stryber books, like Communion and like you had a whole series of books that were like. Area 51? Yeah. Well, they were alien books, like the greys and all that stupid shit. It kind of tied in with that whole theme of that being interesting. Was it boring? No, they were scary at the time. They were fiction books that were presented as non-fiction. Yeah, they were cleverly

done. They were like, fiction presented as non-fiction. And so as a young person who was stupid because I was young, they were scary, right? Because you thought aliens were real then. Yeah, because I had no ability to understand that I was an asshole and didn't know anything. Well, you just, if you're presented something as if it's a documentary. Right.

That's why somebody, if like, they were, I don't know if they were young or stupid, they might believe the Blair Witch Project. Yeah, exactly. It's that kind of thing. Right. Yeah, it's that kind of thing. But all that stuff is like, long since faded out of popularity. Like, do you remember when Fox had that alien autopsy show? Sure.

And that was sort of that same thing. It was sort of like a quasi-documentary style. Now I think the shift went to ancient aliens. Like, they're not here, but they were here, and they helped us fucking build a bunch of shit that a bunch of old people built that could totally be built by anybody. I feel like the whole alien thing, though,

has kind of fallen out of favor, like, for a lot. Yeah, I think so, too. You know, you'll hear about it once in a while, but I think I have a feeling you know, I know that there was something that popped up in the New York Times recently that we're talking about a UFO something or another. I guess there was a

CIA thing that was released that was talking about how there was money that was put toward sort of researching UFOs. I guess a bunch of people freaked out about it and there was a big Reddit thread about it, etc. Sure. And I guess a bunch of people freaked out about it and were, you know, there was a big Reddit thread about it, et cetera. But I haven't heard a lot about aliens in a long time. The only aliens that I ever,

that I've heard of in, you know, in maybe the last five to six years are the ancient alien types. That's the, like, they built a fucking runway. Why would they need a runway? And you're like, it's not a runway, stupid. I miss the probings. Yeah.

I just miss the probings. just miss the cattle mutilation. I mean, you just invite all your friends over. You have a cattle mutilation. You start a fire. Everybody eats. It's amazing. You know why I think this has faded out of popularity? My, my, my half-assed theory on vegans. Well, for the cattle mutilations. Yeah, for sure. I think it's cell phones, man. man yeah cell phone cameras and cell phone cameras and video everybody's got a camera everybody's got a camera on them at all times yeah yeah it just it just destroys that shit yeah it's just gone like it just as soon as the ubiquity of of of film and video is in everybody's hand all the time all of a sudden there's a lot less of that shit right

all of a sudden because like there's no more lo Ness and Bigfoot and aliens, all that shit and ghost sightings. A lot of that shit goes away real fast. That's the thing. If there was really a UFO, you wouldn't have one video of it. Yeah, you'd have hundreds of them. Hundreds and hundreds of corroborating videos. Yeah. Which is why we don't see that shit anymore.

Trump will go that deep and start releasing the secret hidden information of our government? Yeah, I honestly do. I believe that you're fixing to see cures, excuse me, for medical conditions begin to come forth. Because you got big pharma out there wants everybody sick. Big pharma. You got big pharma out there wants everybody sick. That's what they want. That's why you know what people love to do is they love to devote their entire

lives and incredible amounts of education to keeping people like that. That's what people do. Keeping people sick. And none of their relatives have ever been sick. Their children, their grandparents, their mothers, their spouses, none of them

will ever get sick. They're not worried about getting it. Well, they probably have it secret. Like they'll, they'll, they'll take the cure themselves and they'll administer. You know, that's the thing is like all these fucking, all these things fall apart because nobody's, nobody ever comes forward and being like, Hey, you know what? Merck has a cure for cancer. They're just not letting out. Also cancer isn't one thing, right?

I know that's the other thing. Cancer is not one thing. There's all kinds of different types of cancer that are very different from each other. But pause and think about if you're the company, not even the person individually, but even if you're just the company, you're the company that invented this cure for cancer. And again, it's impossible cancer. It's not one thing, but let's say it because that's what they're always saying. Sure. You invented the cure for cancer. You're immediately the richest, most famous, most beloved company that has ever been and probably ever will be. If it's an individual that it can be attributed to, there will be statues erected in your honor in every city square.

Public libraries named after you. There is no amount of money that you will ever need. Public buildings, streets need All the incentives All the incentives are in favor Of being like Holy shit balls We fucking cured cancer Can't you believe how awesome we are

Look at our penises It would be amazing And instead it's just like Let the money trickle in slowly as we sell them in lesser quality drug and then we'll be evil because people like to be evil. Like regular people aren't evil. That's the other thing is like regular people aren't like

I'll kill thousands for money. And like we all have to get together and agree we're doing this. And then you all have to like sign some pact and be all be quiet about it. Nobody ever says anything. And then you'll have to sign some pact and all be quiet about it. Nobody ever says anything. And who are the people that wake up

and they've spent their entire lives getting degrees in medical research so that they can go be evil? Because the people I know that get into medicine, they don't get into medicine because they're just like, I want to make a bunch of money. They get into medicine because you can get a lesser degree want to get, make a bunch of money. They get into medicine because you can,

you can get a lesser degree and make more money. You need to get a degree in finance. If you just want to make money and you're real fucking smart and you want to get an advanced degree, go get a degree in finance. You'll make way more than you're going to as a doctor or a medical researcher. Sure. You fucking kidding me?

Yeah. Like medical researcher. That's where the big money's at what yeah i i think too you know we we look back on and we say okay well what happens if you cure cancer well you know we tried to cure polio and people still don't think that that thing is real right we're still trying to cure if a cure for cancer came out they would immediately say well it gives you cancer so the government can trace you. Don't get that cure.

Drink apple cider vinegar. Oh, my God. I know. Period. And so I think what you're going to see happen here now, again, I don't know the timing of this. This could be in his second term that a lot of this stuff starts happening. Oh, shut up, you. Shut up.

I love. But, you know, what a great hedge, right? Because if he loses the second term, then he can say, we would have gotten all this stuff. They would have told us all about the moon landing.

Happening, because right now the corruption is so deep, that's taking priority over everything. We got to get these people out of the way first. No, if you had this

in your back pocket, it would literally take no effort. What about the corruption? You got to get people out of the way. You don't realize those corrupt in this equation. That's going to pave the way for all this stuff to come through, but you're going to see cures. You know, we've had cures for this stuff, Daniel, for years, for decades, for cancer.

We've got cures out there, I believe, for Alzheimer's. You can't even say it. I know. You don't even know what it is. You know what? At least you didn't call it old-timers or all-timers. That shit makes me crazy. Old-timers.

I love it. I got old-timers or all-timers. I've heard old-timers and all-timers. All-timers. I have collected all the time. Oh, I have a giant Flava Flav clock on my neck. All kinds of diseases out there.

Their cures are there, but they want the money coming in for research. Big Pharma doesn't want you. Big Pharma. Well, they want you sick. That's how they make their money. They don't have to give the cures away either. They can make. I'm sorry.

I got to pause on this one. They can charge any amount of money. The rules say if you make cancer cures, you have to throw them out as paper airplanes to everybody. So we want to thank our patrons. Of course, we want to thank all our patrons for sticking with us through Patreons. Nuttiness, as well as all the new patrons,

we want to thank Fat Man and Toots. I think that's my brother. That's amazing. I think that's my brother. as well as all the new patrons. We want to thank Fat Man and Toots. I think that's my brother. That's amazing. I think that's my brother. Paul, Pretheist, Nora, Benjamin, Kevin, Jesus fucking Christ, Tim, and David. Thank you for your generous donations. We, of course, appreciate it.

We appreciate all the people who donate to Glory Hole Studios and possibly to Cecil's salary very soon. So thank you very much. We got a message. This is from Talas. And Talas sent along a song called White Wine in the Sun. And it's a song about Christmas that I listen to.

And I like it. the lyrics are really great. And basically the song is like sort of just somebody saying they like Christmas. They realize it's problematic for a lot of reasons for an atheist to like Christmas. Right. But it's still, they still like Christmas. And I actually got, somebody sent me a message or was posted somewhere this week, a Spotify list. They said, here's a Spotify list for Cecil for Christmas songs that don't mention Christ. And the thing is, I don't care.

I cut this from the show last week, but I genuinely don't care. I actually like some of those old hymnal sort of Christmas songs. I really like those songs. I recognize that I don't believe any of it, but I like a lot of that stuff. I like the Christmas season. I like the decorations. I like saying Merry Christmas.

It doesn't bother me at all that it's overly religious. Just like going in a church can be beautiful, so can the Christmas season to me. So we got a couple of messages. We got a bunch of messages. We'll be reading these interspersed with calls to prayer.

This one is from Albert. so we got a couple of messages. We've got a bunch of messages. We'll be reading these interspersed with calls to prayer. Um, this one is from Albert and Albert says, uh, says that in, this is a, one of those cringe moments with music. Albert says the Beatles were the group all through elementary school and Rolling Stone.

How about Sonny and Cher? And then, uh, and then Albert, I guess, liked Glen Campbell. I don't know if I know any of that music. But also said the most embarrassing thing I listened to is probably Black Sabbath and the Moody Blues. I don't think... I like Black Sabbath.

I don't feel like Black Sabbath is embarrassing at all. Yeah, I liked Black Sabbath. I liked Black Sabbath as a kid and I still think... I still... I know for sure I like the song Super Um, but I can't, I don't know about any of the other stuff. I think probably war pigs might be a little cringy now. War pigs is, is pretty cringy. Yeah. It was a product of its time, you know, but I think there's a lot of other really, they have some other pretty good songs. I think, I mean, I guess maybe I'm just remembering too. I don't know. Got a message from Holly and Holly sent

an image. She said, wood board love. Did I do it right? My kid was swarming and I panicked and it's a Domino's pizza on a cutting board. Still in the box. Still, you got to open the box. If your kid is swarming, Holly, you got to open the box so they can't get to the food. What's confusing

is I don't know which would taste more like wood. The cutting board or that Domino's. Domino's. That New York style pizza. So this is a call to prayer from 17. This is a good one. Nice fade in. This is great good one. Nice fade in. This is great.

This works. That was great. Loved it. That was great. Loved it. That was really good. Nicely done, number 17. This one's from Ben, and Ben is talking about cringe music, and he says, you ever heard of Vast?

I know Vast. I don't. I know this band. Visual Audio Sensory Theater, V theater vast I had both of those albums I listened to the first one kind of a lot I listened to it recently I don't listen to that album anymore

oh my god oh my god you got a lot of shit for Trent Reznor that a lot of people are giving me shit about that they're just wrong so Dan sent this in and I gotta admit I wrong. So Dan sent this in, and I got to admit, I knew this when he sent this in. There was a band called MOD,

and they had a song called AIDS, and it was translated into anally inflicted death sentence. And one of my friends, I don't know, not a friend, but somebody I knew growing up, had this album, and I knew these lyrics. I knew this song and it's a horrible song. This is the worst thing I've ever

read. And literally one of the refrains is anally inflicted death sentence A-I-D-S and then it says that's what you get for having a penis up your ass. You should have used a condom. That's what you get. Swallow another man's load. A lubricated condom. What a horrible you get. Swallow another man's load, a lubricated condom. What a horrible thing.

Oh my God. You fucking awful fucking homophobic garbage people. Holy shit, man. Oh God. It's so bad. The lyrics for this. Do your,

don't do yourself a favor and avoid this at all costs. The lyrics for this, Dan. Oh man. That is really atrocious. The lyrics for this, Dan. Oh, man. That is really atrocious. It is really. It is. I mean, it's just as bad as imagine if there was like a song about like lynching a black dude.

Like that's basically what it is. This is that bad. This is gay lynching. This is that bad. Yeah. Cringeworthy music here from Richard. And Richard says he listened to Nickelback. Oh no. Oh Richard.

To be perfectly honest I'm going to be perfectly honest with you. I don't know a Nickelback song. Oh you are winning. I just I honestly if you played a Nickelback song I'd be like is that Creed? I wouldn't know. You don't think you'd recognize it? I don't think so. I don't know any Nickelback songs. I don't remember

the name of the... They had like a hit, and I think I would recognize it if I heard it. I can't make fun of them because I don't know their music. I know everybody hates it, and everybody talks about it. It's sort of like the...

It's a default insult, but I honestly can't think of... It's just that bland, generic, pointless, quasi-rock garbage. You know what I mean? That just like, it doesn't do anything interesting ever. I'm sick of someone without a sense of feeling. I know that song.

Okay. I knew. I just like, the thing is like, I couldn't pick them out of a lineup. You know what I mean? It's like, I would have never... Like, yeah, I've heard that song before, but it's like that's because that's like Q101 or whatever. Right. That's what I mean. And like, the thing is like, yeah, I've heard that song before, but it's like, that's because that's like Q101 or whatever. Right, that's what I mean. And the thing is, like, everything about it is just so fucking

perfectly ordinary. That's the real problem with Nickelback. His voice is every other voice like that, right? That set of lyrics is every other set of lyrics like that. The guitars, everything about it is just everything else just like that.

There's nothing. It doesn't even have like the guts to be rude. It's just so boring. We got an image from Noel and this is a Trump Christmas album. We're going to put it on this week's show notes. This is 392. Check it out. It's pretty awesome.

I love the names of some of these songs. We got a video from a lot of people because we talked about fucking, fucking cars. This one is from Phil, but so many people sent this to us and I had seen this before. Someone had tied a flashlight to an exhaust. We're going to put the video on this week's show notes.

Check it out, 392. It's something else. It's actually really funny. It's something else. It is actually really funny. A bunch of people I didn't realize. So I guess there's a guy who does YouTube stuff called JonTron. I don't

watch YouTube, so I have no idea who this guy is, but evidently he's really popular. And so somebody, this Nathan guy says, oh, people are doing JonTron clips, so I should do one too. I just like the way he talks and he sounds like he's singing, talking in this. It's kind of funny.

I don't know anything about the guy, though. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Fuck you. I am an ass shit. Nine Inch Nails is a shit, Tom. Trent Reznor, and they spelled it wrong, is a genius. Downward Spiral is amazing.

And so this person... And you can suck my dick, says Danielle. Well, Danielle, you can fuck my fleshlight that's attached to my car. Yeah. Again, I haven't listened to it in forever, so I can't make that estimation. I listen to music for the lyrics, and

they're lyrics that just don't work for me anymore. They're lyrics from a time. You know what I mean? They feel so dated to me now. Leslie said, Rhinestoneestone cowboy was one. I remember that song, Michael Jackson's thriller. Um,

and then that's still a wham and the monkeys catalog. I, I love the monkeys as a kid. I thought they were awesome when I was a little kid, when I, cause I used to watch them every day, uh, on like,

it was like, I would say like three or four o'clock every day. They would come on TV and I would, I would watch them every day on like, it was like, I would say like three or four o'clock every day they would come on TV and I would, I would watch it every day. I loved it. So, and I'm sorry, the Thriller album is a great album.

Is it? I love that album. I listened to that unironically several times a year. I don't great. He's the king of pop. You know what I mean? Like it's got a, it's got a lot of,

it's, it's, it's classic now. Yeah. Um, anything from K-Tel records? K-Tel was the disco one, wasn't it?

I don't know. Yeah, I think it was. It's hard to remember. The Top Gun soundtrack from Cameron. That one has the danger zone on it. Ha! Way!

To! The! Danger zone! Ha! Ha! And then there's, uh, this is Brad, and Brad says, Dragon Force. And then there's this is Brad and Brad says Dragon Force. Have you ever heard this music? Just go Google this

and listen to it. I don't want to play it on the show but Dragon Force is it's just like really complicated metal like really like all over the fucking place like doing like crazy fucking, like I don't even know scales or whatever.

And so, I mean, it makes sense because it's, it's, I mean, it's dragon force. So they wouldn't be scales, but,

but, but yeah, like fucking, it's just, it's just nutty. It's just, I listened to it earlier and I was like, this is crazy music.

So we got a message from Michael Wood Jr. The, what was he? The police management dude. Um, he said, Cecil, we can no longer speak unless it was long discussion about the

greatness of nine inch nails. You fucking donkey. I didn't say anything about nine inch nails. You're thinking of Tom, you asshole. You've been on our show twice and you can't even tell us apart. You fuck knuckle in the studio. You fucking asshole.

Tom's the smelly one. Just remember, in your fucking marijuana-addled brain, rewind. That guy's going to fight me now. He's going to fight you. He's going to beat you. It's scary. He weighs half my weight and he's like fucking three inches shorter than me.

I'm terrified of him. Fucking terrified of that guy. This is fucking awesome. This is so hilarious. Can I read this? Because as a kid, as a kid, when I mentioned that whole thing,

like who you would have got a tattoo of, this was the first thing that popped in my mind because Nine Inch Nails, I was a huge fan. Right, me too. I was listening to your recent episode where you're talking about bands you used to love enough to get a tattoo of and make you cringe. Now, when I was 18, I got a Nine Inch Nails tattoo on my back.

I can't stand them anymore. And I would literally rather have a gigantic cock tattooed on my face. It would be less embarrassing. You know what you did? The best part about a Nine Inch Nails tattoo is that it's already a box, right? It's a box. So just have somebody make like a pretty box of something on your back. You know what you have them

do? Have them do like the back of a car with that box with a flashlight as the tailpipe. Turn that box into a box. Turn it into a box. Someone sent, Russell sent us 10 different videos of underground Christian music from the early 2000s that they were ashamed of. Of course you were ashamed of it. Overground Christian music is something to be ashamed of.

Scroll down because I love the name of a couple of these. Here's a, he sends us a copy of the W's, the devil is bad, or the Huntington's Jackie is an atheist, or POD's abortion. Alright, so this is from Maria.

This is a call to prayer. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. What the fuck is going on? Chris sends a message in about bands that they don't listen to anymore. And Chris says that when he was in elementary school, he loved Bon Jovi. I had their first four albums on cassette. Then he says the biggest one was Metallica.

I had at least three Metallica shirts in high school. After they cut their hair in the mid-90s, everyone I knew stopped listening to them. That was sort of their downfall. I saw Metallica in concert. Did you? Yeah. I've never seen them in concert. I saw them at one of those big rock shows. It was like a rock stock or something.

Yeah. They were fun. I got tackled in a mosh pit and got up. It was cool. For its time. Yeah, sure. For like 19, it was like, I also want to be here. You know the fucking toughest mosh pit I was ever in?

What was the toughest mosh pit you were ever in? Pantera. Pantera was ever in? Pantera. Pantera was the toughest? Pantera. So I fell down and somebody stepped on my head. Oh my God. And they stepped on my, but thank you for this money. They stepped on my head.

I sunk my head into the mud and an Eddie Bauer watch was stuck to my face. Fucking A, man. And I was like, cool. That's money. I got a watch. I got a watch. Cool, free watch. Free watch, bro.

I was like 17, 18 you get your face crushed down there you grow up and there's like 5 Limp Bizkit CDs touched to your face because everybody threw them away toughest mosh pit I was ever in Dead Milkman it was brutal

I've been in a lot of industrial shows and stuff and like most of that is just sort of like put your head down and push around. And that fucking Dead Milkman one, these guys were kicking. It's a different style of moshing. It was really painful. I got kicked a couple times.

I was like, fuck that. I'm out of here. Doc Martens, leave a mark. I was going to say, Rancid. Rancid was a for real mosh pit too. It's a lot of like, there's like a swinging involved in that moshing that's like I am punching

and if you're near me you're getting punched too and it's like a high step it's different than like metal moshing metal moshing is more like bouncing in front of each other running in a sort of agreed upon

anger circle there's a a swirl. There's a circle. Yeah. Right. I remember being in the pit for Nine Inch Nails because they had a pit for some reason. And I don't remember why there was one

because it's not, as I recall, it wasn't like. You could mosh to like March of the Pigs. Yeah. That would be a good mosh song. There's a couple of good songs for that. But yeah,

I remember there, I had general admission tickets. I was just in the crush though in the front of it because I wanted to see the show. So I was in the crush. But yeah, like I've been in some I was in some really hairy ones for like local shows, like smaller shows. Get for reals?

Metro. Fucking the Metro in Chicago. Oh, you're talking about the venue. Yeah. Aragon Brawl Room. Yeah. It's like sort of like famous for that. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

I remember I saw Primus a number of times at the Aragon. On purpose? I like Primus. Wow. You just like, they were just like, like shooting tickets out of a t-shirt gun somewhere. I like Primus.

Primus sucks. Hold on, I'm playing my bass. Oh, fuck you. Move on. Hold on, let me play my bass Fuck you Move on I still like Primus Here's another call to prayer

This one is from William A long black cock Long black cock A long Black cock Long black cock This one's from Trav. Trav sent in a call to prayer. Trav does, or at least did,

I don't know if he still does, the Bi-Skeptical podcast. So this is Trav does, or at least did, I don't know if he still does, the Bi-Skeptical podcast. So this is Trav's submission. Allahu Akbar! Allahu Akbar! Allahu Akbar! You like the Beatles? I do like them.

I kind of feel like they're hard to dislike. Full circle, Trav. Nicely done. Nicely done. That's going to get flagged by YouTube. Tom, this one's about Vanilla Ice. This is from AC. She said, hearing Tom mention that he listened to Vanilla Ice when he was younger reminded me of a sad story.

My sister once called in sick to work so she could watch Cool as Ice, the Vanilla Ice movie on TV. This is my favorite part. It's important to note that she was almost 30 years old at the time. I can't imagine Cullian sick so you could watch a movie on TV. You know, the thing is, is like 30 years old at a job where you worked at night. Cause that's a primetime movie. And,

uh, Mac sent in two, but I'm only going to play one. This one is great. This is for Mac. Um, this is, this is the last call to prayer for the evening. that dog sounds like fucking Chewbacca.

That's fucking amazing. I love it. All right. Well, we want to wish everybody a Merry Christmas. That dog sounds like fucking Chewbacca. That's fucking amazeballs. I love it. All right. Well, we want to wish everybody a Merry Christmas. We hope that you remember us in your gift bag. And remember me when I'm standing in the unemployment line. Just remember me and think about me and maybe pledge a dollar.

I don't have to do that uh uh but uh but that's gonna that's gonna wrap it up for this christmas edition of cognitive distance we'll be back with a new year's day edition next week um so be on the lookout for that but uh but until then we're gonna leave you like we always do with the skeptics creed credulity is not a virtue it's fortune cookie cutter mommy issue hypno babylon bullshit couched in scientician double bubble toil and trouble pseudo quasi alternative acupunctuating pressurized stereogram pyramidal free energy healing water downward spiral brain dead pan sales pitch late Late night info docutainment. Leo Pisces cancer cures.

Detox reflex foot massage. Death in towers tarot cards. Psychic healing crystal balls. Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens. Churches, mosques, and synagogues. Temples, dragons, giant worms. Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards. Vaccine nuts. Shaman healers, evangelantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers,

evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. All opinions are solely that of Glory Hole Studios, LLC. Cognitive dissonance makes no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information and will not be liable for any errors, damages, or butthurt arising from consumption. All information is provided on an as-is basis. No refunds.

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