Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 393: Don’t Touch My Yeti

Episode Date: January 1, 2018

We are hiring: Go here to find out more about the job and how to apply:   Stories Covered In Episode:                       WonderBilbe Video:     Alex Jones Last Christmas:  

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Hey, guys. Little extra note on the Donald Trump swearing his speech controversy. I have one of those dental plates that was mentioned at the end of the Alexa episode. And I can tell you that if it comes loose, you do sort of hold it in with your teeth. You bite down on it to hold it in place. Listen closely to the way he's talking.

It's almost as if he's holding his lips or his teeth closed while he's talking. And that's exactly what it sounds like. The stressing to inhale, get oxygen in his lungs so he can just spew out more hot air. That's the sound that it makes when you're holding it in place and you're breathing in through your mouth because you're not going to breathe in through your nose while you're speaking, especially if you're a bad public speaker like he is. Glory hole, motherfuckers. Hey, guys, this is Marty from up in the great

white north of northern Minnesota where it is currently 28 degrees below zero you asked for suggestions of the worst Christmas meal you've ever had up here we have something called lutefisk which is cod rinsed, soaked in lye and then rinsed again and then buried

and then eaten it has the consistency of frozen Vaseline. Thought that'd be something you'd be into. At least it's better than eggnog. Glory to all motherfuckers. Cheers. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from glory hole studios in chicago this is cognitive dissonance

every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way we bring critical thinking skepticism and irreverence anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news. That doesn't look good, buddy. You're pouring water in your tea mug. It's just tea, but it's like... And your tea mug was cleaned sometime around the turn of the last century.

I just got this. Thank you very much, Sydney Opera House. I just got this. We got back from Sydney 20 days ago. It's like when you drop the dentures. Remember the old denture commercial where they used to drop them in tea overnight. Like that's what happened to my mug. I need to fix it.

We need to denture cleaner. I need to fix it. Yeah. You got it. No, no. That would stick the. Oh, is that what that is? I think you need effervescence.

No, effervescence is just bubbles. Effervescence. Effordance. Effordance. Effordance. That's it. Yes. Okay.

You need effort at. Jeez. It took a long time to get effort, effort. That's it. Yes. Okay. You need effort. Jeez. It took a long time to get there, man. Nobody doesn't take me long to get to the end. We were in critical thinking, skepticism and irreverence to a topic that makes the news makes it big or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome at.

This is episode 393 of Cognitive Dismissal. Happy New Year! Yay! It's going to release on Monday. So this was Christmas. And how did you do? How was your Christmas, buddy? Was it good?

I had a great Christmas. This was the first Christmas for Haley and I and the whole integrated shenanigans family. So there were, I don't know, there were a lot of kids. We didn't count them all at some point to just throw presents in their general direction and hope none of them are knives or saw blades or whatever. Or hope they are.

It's so funny because you do all this work and you get it all ready and the tree looks nice and then the kids wake up. You're like, I'm going to have some Christmas cheer. And 45 minutes later, you burn down your house. The only way that you...

It's a disaster at that point. Disaster would be a step up. The National Guard has to show up at this point to clean it. We actually have a 96-gallon recycling container, and we were unable to fit all of our recycling into a

96-gallon container. Packaging has gone insane. It's like if you shop mostly from Amazon, and then you wrap everything, and then it's like it's like because it's fucking Amazon. You get like a USB stick

and they ship in a box the size of an evergreen tree. Exactly, yeah. You know? They like stuff cows around it. Like live cows. I wish. I wound up taking one of the boxes I got for Sarah was from Amazon and I

opened it to make sure it was her present and then then I taped it with one piece of Scotch tape. Why would I wrap it again? She's like, so I could have the enjoyment of unwrapping it. I'm like, you can enjoy it. I'll tell you what, I was over at my in-laws house and they got a whole bunch of like larva,

right? So like, like they had, they had the other ones have got into the pupae stage. So they're like, they're like able to move around and be assholes independently. Right. Yeah. But they just replenished. Right. So they've got, they got a couple of new ones and one of them's like four months old and

I picked him up. I was, I was holding them and he's like four months old and i picked him up i was holding him and he's like the only baby there that won't cry immediately when i hold him all the other babies immediately when i come near him because i've i'm the only one in that family with dark facial hair i'm the only one and that freaks and that freaks those kids out but this one doesn't mind he's like oh whatever cool he's like he's sitting there and i'm making him laugh actually he's four months older whatever but like i was i held him for 10 minutes and he's all there and I'm making him laugh. Actually, he's four months old or whatever, but like I was, I held him for 10 minutes and he's all squirmy and like trying to bounce and shit and move around.

And you're trying to hold him. You're like, what the fuck are you doing? Like, stop doing that. And like, he's like trying to move his legs and he's rubbing his face with his arm. After 10 minutes of holding that child,

I was exhausted. I was like, cause you can't set him down because he starts to cry and then you pick him up and he's like, okay, but now I want to move around. You're like, well, fucking stop moving around.

Can I just shake him until he stops moving? And like the whole time, I'm just like, fuck this. It's so annoying that the short answer is no. You're not allowed to just shake him. Fuck this is what I kept thinking. I'm like, oh my gosh, if this was mine,

I would just put it under a bunch of blankets and hope it never called to me. I was like, Holy shit, man. The, the first time I ever like babysat for, for like a morning to into the afternoon, a baby baby.

It was the first time I'd ever like encountered a baby in any significant way. And I was like, at the end of it, I was like, that's yours. No, that's yours now! That's yours now! I don't want this thing! I was like,

I was waiting for them to dry. I was looking and I was like, they're coming! They're picking up their baby! I don't want it. I don't like it. I don't like it. It's tough, man. And I do think, everyone will tell you the same thing like it it's tough man it's like yeah like and i and i do think like everyone will tell you the same thing like when it's yours it's different right so when it's yours

true yeah it's and i think that that's true like because you you know like if you kill it you you're the one that gets in trouble now right yeah so it's different there's like laws in place or something it's terrible like when it's yours it's Yeah, because you don't get to get rid of it anymore. Yeah. You're resigned to it. You're resigned to it. It's like when it's your prison sentence, it's different. I just thought to myself the whole time, just like, good for you. Thank goodness.

So how were your gifts? Did you get anything memorable? I got, Sarah got me a bunch of stuff, but one of the things that she got me was the Alexa speaker. I think that Alexa thing, we've got it in a couple of the things that she got me was the Alexa speaker. I think that Alexa thing, we've got it in a couple of rooms. Just the dot, like the little guy. Yeah.

I love that thing. I want to get it with a different voice. Can you get it with a different voice? Can I have it like be John Cleese or something? Because that would be amazing. That would be awesome. You know what I mean? Or Alex Jones or something.

Like that would be... I actually asked, the first thing I asked it was, who's Alex Jones? And it said he's a conspiracy theorist. Did it really? I swear to the first thing I asked it was who's Alex Jones. And it said, he's a conspiracy theorist. Did it really? I swear to you. That's what it said.

My dad got, this is funny. My dad got one of those echo dots as well. And like, he was just marveling over it. He's like, man, that Alexa knows everything. He's like,

I asked it. The Wikipedia knows everything. He's like, I asked it. He's like, it's faster than I can Google it. And I was like, well,

it's a computer and you're 70 and you're right. So it's like, yeah. Like, cause my dad still clicks on the first thing, which is always an ad. And then like, he's like confused.

It's like his computer's on fire. Right. You know, like, but I, I got, I got possibly the greatest gift I've ever received this year. I got a globe bar for the house.

You could have just taken this one. Then I wouldn't have a globe bar for the studio. I feel like you're not understanding. I have globe bars. The only thing I need now is a globe bar for work. And one in the car. It's just so classy. That's what I like about it. So we're hiring at Cognitive Dissonance.

One of the things, if you want to belong to this classy institution, we are looking for a podcast coordinator. So on this week's show notes, there is a job listing. We're going to link on this week's show notes. This is episode 393. So go to episode 393,

dissonancepod.com. It should be the top one. Click on it. There will be a link to the podcast, to the form and to the job description. On the form, we want you to include your name, email, phone number, your cover letter and resume and send that in. We are only going to be accepting resumes for like a week and a half, like a pretty short amount of time. So my suggestion would be get everything ready and send it in by next Sunday. Tom and I are going to be spending a lot of time on Sunday looking over these resumes. So the people, unless we get something amazing after Sunday, we're probably not going to be calling those people. So I would say Sunday by noon would be your deadline, central time.

So this releases on Monday. You'll have until Sunday. Hopefully you didn't put off listening to us until later in the week. But we are looking for a podcast coordinator, somebody who can, who can take over for Megan. Megan's leaving us. Megan died.

We covered her with blankets. She was crying. It wouldn't stop. She would stop. Megan is actually that thing.'t stop. Megan is actually... Because of that thing you did. Megan is actually focusing on our other work. She's very busy and she can't work for us anymore

because we're terrible people. We are happy that Megan worked for us. She's been great. She's been a great member of the team. But until this next person is hired, once the next person's hired, she's going to be leaving us and we wish the best to Megan.

She was an excellent employee and she was a lot of fun to be leaving us and we wish the best to Megan. She was an excellent employee and she was a lot of fun to work with. So we're going to miss her, but we definitely need a new person to take over to do all the podcast stuff for us. All the little stuff on the other side, on the other side of the glory hole. There's plenty of information about that

on this week's show notes. Like I said, 393, click on the link and you can submit your resume. You can be part of the team. You can become part of the glory hole You can become part of the Glory Hole Studios team. We are hiring a part-time worker. And the checks that you get to cash

do come from Glory Hole Studios. They do. So you'll get an amazingly weird look at the bank when you go to cash your paycheck. What you want to do is you want to get one of the major banks that has the app so you can take a photo of it and you never, ever, ever have to go in. I go to the bank once a month to move some money around for the show.

And it is my very favorite thing to hand them the glory hole card and be like, I need to take it. I need to withdraw from the glory hole. So it's, and it's just great. Yeah. It's just great.

Some people enjoy that. Other people don't, but if you want to work for us, we would love to, to read your resume and we'll be probably calling people even on sunday right yeah in the name of jesus we speak that hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah

hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah

hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah

hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah

hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah

hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah hookah Okay, good, bad, right? Starts bad, gets good. Ohio priest under investigation for relationship with minor threw himself off Chicago

skyscraper. Now, the thing is like, there's some downside. He threw himself out of the Radisson Blue and fell 82 stories. I figure when you throw yourself out of something, there is a downside. There's definitively a downside.

And when I read that, I was... Because I've stayed at the Radisson Bleu and it's a beautiful hotel. It's just really a beautiful hotel. They just need to remodel

their awning area. I hope... My hope is just that he didn't break one of the windows or anything on this because it's just beautiful. Yeah.

So anyway, this guy was an Ohio pastor. His name is Cesar. And he's accused of having a relationship with a 16-year-old. And, you know, after he was accused, not long after he was accused, chucked himself out the window of this hotel. I'm not saying those things are necessarily related, but they're very fucking probably related.

Let's use some fucking deduction here. Maybe they're related. It's possible. Yeah. Yeah. He was also a priest, was evidently active. I'm reading directly from the article

and well-liked figure in his community delivering baccalaureate. Is that how you say it? Baccalaureate? Baccalaureate. Baccalaureate. Baccalaureate masses to the local Catholic high schools

and hosting, quote, Catholic singles on fire for Christ mixers. Well, that's weird. Are they on fire because they're reentering the atmosphere? Is that like he was? He did reach terminal velocity if he chucked himself off an 82nd floor.

Fucking A, man. Right? Yeah, for sure. That's far enough to fall where you're like, I've made a terrible mistake! I'm still making it. You get to contemplate it for a real long time. Maybe I'll live. What's the highest thing you've ever jumped from?

Have you ever jumped from something you fell long enough to think while you were falling? Yeah, I jumped from, when I was a kid, we used to jump off the side of the locks in Lockport into the water. So that was 25 feet.

Yeah. 25 feet thereabouts. I was little, so maybe it wasn't 25 feet, but it sure felt like it. Yeah. That's not, I know what you're talking about.

That's not short. That's not a small amount of, yeah. They used to be deeper there. Now they're just a flat concrete. Yeah, that'd That's not short. That's not a small amount of, yeah. They used to be deeper there. They used, now they're just a flat concrete. Yeah, that'd be a bad deal. It's like a flat concrete, like, I mean, it's literally flat concrete with like an inch of water on it now.

But when I was a kid, it was three to four feet deep. So you'd jump off and then you just, you would always touch the bottom, but you know. It was only three or four feet deep. It was very small. I remember you used to have to jump. And when you jumped, you used to have to, well, you'd, I'd always jump on my knees so that when they hit, I would splash and then my knees would hit the bottom and it wouldn't hurt. So that's, I remember doing that all the time.

Man, being a kid. Was stupid. I was a dumb little kid. All you're trying to do is die. I was a dumb little kid. I didn't even know this story. We have no idea, 20 years, we've traded stories about almost dying. Add this to the list.

Like if something small had gone wrong. Oh yeah. A tiniest little thing I could have easily died. Just died or been paralyzed or whatever. And we did it all the time.

We used to climb up on top. We would jump off and then we would either run around to the side of the locks and climb up the thing which is what I would normally do.

But a lot of these other kids if they didn't want to wait they would just climb up the side. Climb up the side. Because it was an old box. It was like, it was like, this is like old timey from like the pioneer days. Right. So when you climb up the locks, it's like falling apart.

So like there's limestone, you could easily climb it. You're not like, you're not fucking cliffhanger. Right. Like it's pretty easy to climb up. Yeah. Right. A little kid can do it. So, man, I jumped off of a, uh, like a 10 meter diving platform, which is like, that's 33

feet. That's big. And it was the first, and then I went bungee jumping and like both those stuff. But I remember the 33 foot was the first time I ever was falling. It was like, oh, like you had like a second where you're like, oh, I'm scared. Oh, fuck. I have time to think about being scared. Then splash. Did it hurt when you hit the water? Yeah. Cause I didn't jump right. You know, I'm scared. Oh, fuck. I have time to think about being scared. Then splash.

Did it hurt when you hit the water? Yeah, because I didn't jump right. I don't know how to jump off something that high. So yeah, it sucked. Like the bottoms of my feet were like all swollen because I just flat footed it. Sure, I didn't know what I was fucking doing. You're supposed to point your toes or whatever.

Yeah, just flat footed it like a fucking goober nut. It's fucking, it's like, it's essentially a hard surface when you land from there. It was a bad decision. I regretted that decision. I did not jump off it twice. I wasn't like, that was amazing. I should do it again. There's an awesome video out there of this Swedish diving board. And I don't know if it's 10 meters or more. I don't remember what it was. Maybe it was 12 meters. I can't remember. but these people are all at the top

of it and they're all, you know, they're clearly talking in a different language and they're all kind of like trying to psych each other out to go off of it and jump off of it. And then they're like, they're chickening out there because the camera is specifically the top. And what I loved about it is that the production value on it is actually really great because it's really good camera and everything is in super slow motion when they jump. And it's actually a really great video, but it's like all these people walking up to the edge of this thing. And it's not that high up. Like 30

plus feet is not super high up in the air. But if you're going to jump off of it, it's a considerable distance. I went bungee jumping and the thing that I initially for some reason didn't think about was that you jump, then the cord catches you and you stretch. Then, didn't think about was that, like, you jump,

then the cord catches you and you stretch, right? And then it slings you back in the air. Then you fall again. Yeah, so several times falling. You're like, oh, super fun. Okay, good. Oh, I'm fucking scared again. It's like punches you in the dick, like, three times of being scared.

I'm changing it from fake news, though. Doesn't that undervalue fake news? I know, but aren't you? Oh fake news Oh my gosh this is crazy this is from ThinkProgress This is actually an ad A pro-Trump ad And it's pretty egregious It's just awful nonsensical propaganda Until the very end But this kid doesn't that kid

Look like the kid from The Hills Have Eyes I'm not wrong right Like I'm not wrong I'm not wrong though Doesn't that kid look like the kid from the Hills Have Eyes? I'm not wrong, right? Like, I'm not wrong. That's so mean. I'm not wrong, though. I didn't say you were wrong.

I said you were mean. But I'm not wrong. That's an accurate. That kid looks like someone painted a face on a thumb. You know what I mean? Like, because the neck is the same size as the rest of the body. The rest of the head. So I'm going to play this ad. I'm just going to play it. I'm going to play this ad. I'm

just going to play it. I'm going to play it all the way through. Tom and I are not going to interrupt it and then we'll talk about it. Thank you, President Trump. Thank you, President Trump. Thank you. Everyday Americans are standing up to thank President Trump. Thank you so much. For making America great again. Thank you for cutting my taxes. Thank you for fixing our economy. Thank you for keeping my family safe. Thank you for putting America first. Thank you for fixing our economy. Thank you for keeping my family safe. Thank you for putting America first. Thank you for supporting Israel. As veterans, thank you for reminding us to stand for our national anthem. Thank you, President Trump.

Thank you, President Trump, for letting us say Merry Christmas again. You know, it's amazing that for the eight years of the Obama presidency, nobody was able to say Merry Christmas. I remember when the Obamas did their Christmas address every year for eight years, and they wished everybody a Merry Christmas. That was... Yeah, pretty much every year. Right. Every year. Huh, and they had a Christmas tree in their house.

Every year. Yeah. And they had Easter eggs in the front lawn. My favorite part of this is when they're saying like thanks for making us safe again like it's like donald trump dressed as robocop like walking down the street he shot his guns shoot like tax cuts and fucking christmas bows he's just like you will celebrate christmas you will celebrate christmas i what i loved about that is there's one person of color in that whole lab. I know.

It's like, all I'm watching is like, thanks for making white people safe again. There's a Jew in there too. Maybe. If somebody likes Israel, it could be an evangelical Christian. That's true too. It could be somebody who's one of those doomsday nutter Christians. It doesn't have to be a Jew. It could just be a Jew friendly Christian.

Right. It wasn't somebody wearing one of those. It could just be a Jew friendly Christian. Right. It wasn't somebody wearing little Jew hats. The Judica or whatever. You're not supposed to say that, Tom. Okay, fine. A Jew hat. No, I got it wrong again. What's it called? It's called a Tribbley. Is that a Tribbley? Is it a Yamaka?

I don't know. Is it a dreulke i don't know is it a dreidel i don't know what are the boxes they put on their bodies the boxes are called teflon i thought or teflon teflon i think it's what they're called yeah little boxes yeah i love i love everything about that ad because the guy's like, thanks for cutting my taxes. Yeah, cutting your taxes. Man. I love they have the most working class looking motherfucker

because he's like wearing like a Carhartt jacket and a fucking skull cap, like wool hat. And he's like, you can tell that I work with my hands for a living, thus representing the lower

to middle middle class. And I am the target of these tax cuts. So I won't receive many of them. But anyway, thank you. You'll get a little bit. You'll get a little bit. $300. But exactly.

The people who are going to make the most money are the people who own the businesses. The people who are going to make the most money are the people who already make the most money. I was talking to somebody recently. We were talking about the tax cuts. And I was saying, you know, what company has ever gotten money, more money than they thought and been like, let's hire a bunch of people, right? Like nobody does it. If you can get the same amount of product

out of what you have, why on earth would you hire or share that money downward? Why would you be like, I got a tax, I got a tax break. And so all this money that I got from this tax break, I'm going to share with my employees. Of course, they're not going to do that. And why would they, like, they're not going to expand and like hire new people if there's no market for it, right?

Like, let's say you're like, you're filling a restaurant full of people, you know, you're not going to be like, oh, well, if I expand it, I'm automatically going to get more people. You got to, you got to market research. Now you got to figure out whether or not there's a market there to even go

into. Like, just because you add that extra money doesn't mean you're going to expand. It doesn't mean you're going to pay people more money. It doesn't mean you're going to, you know, send that money down. It just means you made more money.

That's all it means. Yeah. I'm thinking, I'm thinking about the business that I, that I helped manage. And like, if, if I had an area and I have a hundred employees and I made, That's all it means. Yeah. I'm thinking about the business that I help manage. And like if I had an area and I have 100 employees and I made $6 million in profit and then I could make six and a half million on the same 100 employees, I just keep the other half million.

Yeah. I'm not like, well, let's hire more. Why? What are they going to do all day? What would I hire them for? And like you were saying, like if there is a market and that market is profitable, it was going to be profitable anyway, which means it was worth investing in. So you could have invested into it anyway. Right. Exactly. So yeah, it doesn't even make any sense. Well, we know this, right? None of this is shocking because trickle down economics have

been tested and economists have come out and said, I mean, many, many times supply side economics do not work. Doesn't work. We know it doesn't work because we've been trying to do it for fucking years. Anytime a Republican gets an office since Reagan, they've been trying the same trick because it's a trick against the middle class, right? It's not a trick they think is going to work. It's literally tricking the middle class and is saying, look, I want to give a bunch of money to rich people because the rich people are the guys at my fucking foundation dinners. Sure. How do I do that and make you think I'm not shitting on your head at the same time? And, you know, I even, I even went out of my way this week to look for people who talked about the, the bill in a favorable light.

Sure. Right. I went out of my way to try to read some commentary about the bill and everybody was sucking its dick. But even the people that were sucking its dick were saying, this is going to create a major deficit. Even they said, this is going to create a major deficit.

And the way that a few of these right-leaning papers were talking, they were saying, you know what? We can never call ourselves a party of like, you know, balanced budget. We can never do that again after this bill. It's impossible to do. And even the do that again after this bill. It's impossible to do. And even, even the ones that were, and these are, these are, these are fucking, these are

Trump supporting. Yeah. I mean, they're not, I don't know that they're Trump supporting, but they definitely are right leaning. Yeah. You know what I mean? And when you read this, you're just like, yeah, of course. Yeah. There's no way you can call yourself that. Well, and that's, that's why the, uh, the, the, the tax cuts on the, on the people people side, not the corporate side, but the human being side, they sunset in 2025. Yeah. Right? The corporate tax doesn't because corporations. But the people tax, all that sunsets in 2025.

And it does that to limit the amount of deficit that this creates. Yep. Do you know Trump didn't sign in a law yet? No. He's waiting. He's waiting until after the first of the year. So that in 2018, there won't be cuts, major cuts

to Medicare and Medicaid or whatever. And so the people that are there, they'll do better in the midterms. Yeah. Strategically going to wait a handful of days to sign his own fucking tax bill. Yeah. Because he knows it's going to shit on his voting base. He knows it's going to shit on the older people.

Right. And it's funny because everybody's just like, whatever, don't even care. Everybody lives in the moment, man. Nobody's paying attention to the future. You see his tweet today when he's talking about like, it's the coldest winter. Oh my God.

Can we read that tweet? Let's talk about that tweet. That tweet is, this is our president. This is one of the most insanely stupid, scientifically illiterate things. I saw this actually this evening, and I was fucking flabbergasted by this. Let me read this. It says, in the East, it could be the coldest New Year's Eve on record. Perhaps we could use a little bit of that good old global warming that our country,

but not other countries, is going to pay trillions of dollars to protect against. Trillions? Bundle up. Trillions? Trillions? Really? And other countries are not addressing global warming. Other countries are addressing global warming.

We're the ones right now that are not. Yeah. We're not addressing global warming because we don't give a fuck about the future. We're not addressing global warming because we don't give a fuck about the future. We're not addressing global warming because we just want money in our pockets. If we were the only ones doing it, why would it be called the Paris Accord? Doesn't make any sense. Or the Kyoto Protocol.

Right? It's never like the Philadelphia thing. Yeah, exactly. It's not the Philadelphia experiment. For fuck's sake. Like this is the fucking confusing the weather with the fucking climate bullshit.

You're a stupid man. You're just a stupid man. And it's a terrifying thing because he has the ultimate say in a lot of this stuff because a lot of it is executive. So he has the ultimate say in whether or not we stuff because a lot of it is executive. Right. So he has the ultimate say in whether or not we do that stuff.

We really truly did elect everybody's dim-witted, uneducated, racist uncle. Yep. Yep. That's your president now. That's your president. That's it.

Yep. Ready to stick it in the glory hole? Get links to their Facebook, Twitter, and if you still use it, Google Plus account at their website, dissonancepod.com. If you Twitter, and if you still use it, Google Plus account at their website, dissonancepod.com. If you need to be all discreet about it, contact them by email at dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. Or you can call and leave a ransom message at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. Want to hear Cognitive Dissonance commercial free and gain access to exclusive

content including full patron-only shows? Head to patreon.com forward slash dissonance pod and become a patron to support the show on a per episode basis. Love commercials? Not ready to become a patron? Give the guys a five-star review on iTunes or Stitcher or tell your buddies in the drunk tank about the show we want to send a big sloppy glory hole to all the patrons and people who rate us you fucking rock this story comes from the friendly atheist blog uh former director of atheist lobbying group will run for governor of maine this is sean faircloth um sean faircloth has been on our show before.

Sean Faircloth wrote a book a few years back called Attack of the Theocrats, How the Religious Right Harms Us All and What We Can Do About It. He was also previously in politics. He's now running for governor of Maine. Obviously, we wish him well in that endeavor. For sure. I think that's exciting. He was a great guest.

He was the first person to ever contact us to come on the show. He was. He was the very first person to ever contact us to come on the show. He was. He was the very first person to ever contact us to come on the show. And I remember Tommy and I being like, are we going to have a guest? Like, how does that even work? What would we do with him? How would that even work? We're like, well, we better read his book right now.

We totally did. We're like, we got to read that book right away. We were both like, fuck. We bought it, like, read it in like two days. Like, okay, I'm ready. Yeah. You know? That was great. That was a good sort of jumping into the deep end.

It was. Like a Catholic priest off of a building. So what was particularly interesting about this is that Maine is going to have ranked choice voting. Yes. This is pretty fucking exciting. Absolutely. So for people that aren't familiar with ranked choice voting, instead of being like,

I got more many votes than you, it's like you get to decide. Like, this is my first choice, second choice, so on and so forth. And instead of having a primary, you just have all the people ranked people on. Yep.

And then, you know, everybody picks their top and they rank them in order. And then... Yep. And the lowest one gets bumped. Right. And then they take all the votes

from that lowest one and then they redistribute them from the person that they chose the second. And then they dump up the lowest one and then they take all the votes from that lowest one, and then they redistribute them from the person that they chose the second. And then they dump bump the lowest one, and then they redistribute those votes. It's basically, it's like what we should do with wealth in this country, right?

It's how we... I was waiting for it. No, but that's how they do it. That's how they set it up. It's pretty exciting. It's a pretty cool system. Yeah, it's pretty exciting. It'll be a neat experiment.

Yeah. Now, Maine, it's easier to do in Maine than in a state that has a population. Right? So Maine has like nine dudes in it.

Like 45 beavers. It's a state populated entirely by lobsters. You can vote if you're a beaver hat. Man, this is fucked up. This is from Newsweek. Social media activists could get 14 year sentence for defaming Islam and the Prophet Muhammad in Bangladesh.

So he's arrested at the airport as he was trying to leave. And the charges against him, listen to the way they phrase this. It's just so crazy. hurt religious feelings by mocking prophet Muhammad and made bad comments against Islam, the prophet and the Quran on Facebook and YouTube. There's so much I want to talk about. And there's just in the charge, isn't that sentence alone? Like,

first of all, he's charged with hurting people's feelings. He's charged with, he's charged with making bad comments against Islam and mocking the prophet Muhammad. Right. Which I think he called him a, I think he said stupid face and stink butt.

I think those are the two things that he called him. I believe duty head might've been. I don't know. You're not allowed to say duty in Bangladesh. You're not allowed to do this in Bangladesh. It means something totally different. You've got a law called don't hurt my God's feelings. That's insane.

But it's also like, I think it's worth noting just the, just the incredible like disconnect between having a law that's like, we don't want to hurt an ancient God's feelings. Also in that same charge, I'm going to reference new technologies like YouTube and Facebook. Exactly right. You know what I mean?

So it's like, you know, you didn't sharpen the rocks properly before you skinned your sacrifice. You must have not looked at the proper YouTube channel. There's like a disconnect between the ancient and the modern here that I just think is really striking. And I mean, wouldn't you imagine, like, how the fuck is Muhammad going to get on YouTube anyway? His fucking VCR, guaranteed, his VCR is blinking 12. Guaranteed. There's no way he can fumble fuck his way to fucking...

He has no idea what's going on. He's got a nice VCR. He's got a forehead VCR. It's a nice one, though. It doesn't wear out whenever he wants. He doesn't have to get that separate winder that looks like a race car. He's got a forehead VCR and a 72-head

Virgin. Yeah, this is crazy to me that it's mocking. If you mock somebody, you get prison time. And one of the things that they said, I want to read, it says, in 2014, a local court sentenced another 25-year-old to seven years in prison for recording and sharing songs

that poked fun at the prime minister and the father in the nation. So not even, not even like religious, like in that country, you can't even fucking, you can't even like make fun of like people in power. Yeah. You know, I will say getting arrested and getting 14 years is probably better than getting hacked with machete. Oh yeah.

Cause that happened there too. Bangladesh. It's happened there too. There was like a rash of that shit. And that's a rash you can't clear up with ointment. No matter what you do. That's a bad one. You're stuck.

Father, I ask that you would forgive us for taking prayer out of the schools. Father, when that happened, secular humanism flooded in. Father, it began to penetrate every part of the curriculum this guy's a fucking asshole this is a raw story louisiana superintendent refuses to stop illegally preaching to students so now he's getting sued so in this school in louisiana they basically start every day with a prayer led by either staff or, uh, volunteers. They do like over the loudspeakers or what have you.

They do prayers at all their games. They do prayers at their graduation ceremonies. They hold their shit in churches. Like it come the fuck on with that shit. So when they were challenged on this, the guy's response was like, I'll stop when somebody makes me stop. And he,

I see, I'll use like, Oh yeah. All right. Uh, that's stop when somebody makes me stop. And the ACLU is like, yeah, all right. That's us. We will do that. We're going to dig in your wallet until you say uncle. Right?

Here's the thing that strikes me about this story is like, he's going to lose. There's no way to win that. And I wonder, I genuinely wonder, like, is he that stupid is he that obtuse is does he not know any of the case law or the history he didn't even did he bother once googling this to find out even after confronted i kind of get if you were in louisiana

and you're like you know fucking mama was a fucking crocodile or whatever. You don't have funny teeth. You're just a shitty, shitty garbage person from a shitty garbage state. They can't even decide if it speaks English or French. I get it. But once you're confronted. When you boil all your shit in a garbage can to eat, you know you're a garbage person. Right. At that point.

When your idea of a celebration is to dredge up a bunch of bugs from the bottom of your swamp and boil them. In a garbage can. And that's the happiest day of your week. And then you set the table with your best newspaper. I get it. And I'm sympathetic.

I have to imagine he was confronted and then he would have had to have driven out of Louisiana to a state that had internet and borrowed it from somebody. Someone had to hear about this through smoke signals or some other way. So he's in a public library in whatever state is adjacent to Louisiana. I don't know. There's no libraries down there. Like five states.

He's going to take a small plane to get to a library. North enough to where it's like, books, indoor books. We got ones of them. I think we got one in our house out there. I've been tearing pages out of it. We got one. It's called the Bibble. These nice Gideons done lefted it for me.

Oh man. Yeah. One of the things about this article that is really interesting is you can clearly, when you read it, you can clearly feel that peer pressure that people feel. Oh, sure. At one point, they're talking about the humanist person or the, it's, it it's i think it's the agnostic person who came up and said hey man can you not do that um their kids when they sat during prayers were ridiculed right and then when they sat during the prayers they were ridiculed at one point it said the cole's complaints claim that when uh when they started to stay seated during morning prayer and other students ridiculed ridiculed her later when her parents stayed seated during morning prayer and other students ridiculed her later when her parents stayed seated during graduation prayers, all the other parents

hissed in disapproval. What are they, Madagascar cockroaches? Who's hissing at people? They got bracelets to say what would the serpent do, right? What school is this? Hogwarts? Are they all Slytherin? Are you kidding me boo

uh yeah what would you do if somebody hissed at you you know to be honest i think i'd be pretty afraid if i lived there i would be too like a whole crowd of people i think i think doing this takes a lot of courage because if you're that kid in that school you are instantly alienated right instantly you're alienated instantly you don't you are instantly alienated. Instantly, you're alienated. Instantly, you don't have any friends. And then you just, what do you do? You just go to school and go home and then you stay home all day

because nobody's going to talk to you. You're not a Christian. Well, I think what you do, because it mentioned graduation, hopefully, is you keep this shit under your hat until the end of your senior year. Yeah. Then you challenge this shit, right?

As you're about to graduate. Yeah. And you leave the state and go to a real school, ma. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever come back. Right. Right. You throw your bike in the dumpster and you go to a real school. A real school, ma.

And then. Not at the Y. And then the Asian guy dresses like a shower curtain or something and teaches you karate. You become an exterminator that only uses chopsticks. It's a whole thing. He's the worst exterminator ever. He's pulling cockroaches, and you're just like,

you need to bomb the place. What are you doing? This is going to take forever. Did you get paid by the hour? Snap. Snap. Snap. Do you believe in UFOs, astral projections, mental telepathy, ESP, clairvoyance, spirit photography, telekinetic movement, full trance mediums, the Loch Ness Monster, and the theory of Atlantis?

If there's a steady paycheck in it, I'll believe anything you say. I love this. This is Grace from Ars Technica. Shocker. Yeti poo and bones. not actually from a Yeti. And I thought this was kind of funny. You know, this is this is cryptozoology nonsense. Right. So there and I've seen these documentaries. I don't know if you have either seen them, but like, you know, in the Himalayas where they really believe in this Yeti nonsense. really believe in this Yeti nonsense.

There's like shrines and shit that have Yeti chunks, like hair and a bone and a poo and whatever. And they're like, really sure that this is a fucking Yeti. And they've been relatively guarded about letting some of these samples

out, right? I wonder why. Uh-huh. And then it's sort of like, oh, it's totally a Yeti. And it's like, we have science now. It's like, don't touch my Yeti. Whatever you do, don't touch the Yeti. Yeah, it's funny because you can dick around about a face on Mars, and you can

be like, oh, there's this grainy photo of a Loch Ness monster. If you have a sample of something, we have DNA analysis now. We're just like, yeah, we can fucking DNA that shit. Let's have DNA analysis now. They're just like, yeah, we can fucking DNA that shit. Let's DNA that shit up. And they're like,

they had a woman, woman's name was Charlotte Lindqvist, and she's at a university, and she wound up taking DNA analysis. I guess if it's a poo, it's an analysis. She wound up taking the DNA analysis. And it's just like

like I wonder you know here's this doctor and I wonder while they're doing the gene sequencing of a poo if they're not thinking

like what a regular doctor like a physician when he's got his fist up your ass is thinking like I went to medical school for this I went to medical school

so I could do an analysis on a poo from some crackpot cryptozoologist. I wonder if they're excited to debunk it. Like, cause you've got to know. Like they've got to know, right? They know for sure it's not going to be a Yeti, right? Like they're not going to be like, oh my God, this is not DNA we've ever seen.

Oh, it came up Yeti. Like, yeah. No, it's a bear, a bear, a bear, a dog, a person, and a dog. I did think it was interesting because it really said, you know, look, this myth probably comes from bears. Right. And there's

bears in the mountains. And we have a perfectly good explanation for a bear. Right. Because bears. Yeah. That's the explanation for bears. Right. We're bear. Right. Because bears. Yeah. That's the explanation for bears. Right. We're here.

Yeah. We already have. We don't want any more bears. We already have an animal that can stand on two legs that is powerful, that has claws, that is furry.

You don't need to make a new one up. We already have one. The Yeti is really a description of a bear. Yeah. So then when you find out it's a bear, you're like, oh, that was the alternative explanation. It was a bear all along. The bear like rips its fucking mask off

and there's just a bear under there. There's just another bear. It's a smaller bear. It's like scrappy dew under there. Do you solemnly swear to tell truth, all truth, and nothing but the truth? Why don't you answer him? stories from democracy now former federal, Trump is packing the courts with unqualified conservative extremists. You know, this is kind of hot on the heels of that goofball Trump appointee that was, you know, questioned. Questioned by a Republican, by the way.

Yeah, that was not trick questions. Right. I found out later those questions that he asked him. So if you're not familiar, go to this website. The video is on here. So if you go click on this website, it's 393. This on this Democracy Now link, this video is here and it's 25 minutes long and it's the whole entire thing.

I'm sure you could find this guy getting questioned. The guy who was being questioned, this Matthew Peterson, was being questioned by Senator John Kennedy. I mean, they're asking him some really simple stuff. I want to read specifically what they say here. So, Senator Kennedy, have you ever tried a jury trial? Peterson, I have not. Senator Kennedy, civil? Peterson, no.

Senator Kennedy, criminal? Peterson, no. Senator Kennedy, bench? Peterson, no. Senator Kennedy, bench? Peterson, no. Senator Kennedy, state or federal court? Peterson, I have not. Senator Kennedy, have you ever taken a deposition? Matthew Peterson, I was involved in taking depositions.

When he was in law school, when he was right out of law school, this guy was- He's unqualified in every way. He was so unqualified in every way. He was so unqualified in every single way. They asked him about two sort of specific things that have to do with federal courts over local courts.

I did not know them. I'm not a lawyer, so I didn't know him. Yeah, you're not a law-talking guy. But I asked some people about him, and they posted a Twitter feed where this guy was like, no, really, the stuff he asked him was so simple. It's like fall-down stupid simple. Basically asked him about how federal courts

have jurisdiction over local courts. It was basically a jurisdiction question. Was the act or whatever that he was asking about? You're just like, oh my God, it's like the most simple shit ever. If this is your job, it's some one-on-one shit. And people were saying it is exactly one-on-one. It's like the very first stuff you learn.

You know, this article really highlights that there's been a number of judges, like 14 or something, of Trump appointees, many of which the American Bar Association deems unqualified for the work. Unqualified for the work.

This is the, you know, it's so funny that like all the conspiracy nuts are howling, constantly howling about the deep state, you know? Yeah. And like all these actors

that are in sort of government in these different positions of power and authority in this huge network that is government, right? And this is the deep state that they're operating. And your voice has

to sound like this when you say it i guess so but like they're constantly howling about this shit this is that shit though right like putting people who are just political who have no qualifications for the work right you see it at every level of the trump administration the highest levels the trump administration look at look at the appointees for the work. You see it at every level of the Trump administration. The highest levels of the Trump administration. Look at the appointees for the education secretary, the energy department. These are people who are

obvious political appointees. They have no expertise in their field. And completely unqualified. Right. And to see it then come all the way down to the level where

it could affect you very personally. I want to read part of this article. Yeah. It says, we have one Supreme Court justice and everybody pays a lot of attention to that. Now, this is an interview.

This is a transcript of an interview. But the reality is that the lower courts is where the action is. So in the 13 circuit courts, they write 60,000 opinions. The Supreme Court writes 62. So you can see that the final word in most cases is at the appellate level. The trial courts write several hundred thousand opinions per year. That is a total of 179 circuit judges throughout the country, 677 district court judges. And as you know, Supreme Court vacancy is a very rare event. So if those lower courts become filled with very conservative

judges, all of whom have life tenure, all of whom will serve for 30 to 40 years, the impact of all those appointments will last for decades. And the judges he's picked are not going to be friendly to abortion rights, gay rights, affirmative action, voting rights, so many issues that affect so many people on a daily basis. They're anti-regulation. There's so many subject matters that will change when these folks become the majority on the various appellate and district courts. And you know whose fault this is? Do you know whose fault this is right now? Jill Stein. Democrats. Democrats blew up. They did the nuclear option. The side that is getting fucked right now is the side that caused this because they blew up that

you needed a large majority of people. Oh, I remember that. Yeah, they put it at 51%. They put it at 51%. I do remember that. And now it's at 51%. And they're going to get fucked. Right.

They're going to get fucked. That's, it's on you. That was the risk of that game, right? You know, because if you blow it up and then somebody uses against you, it's a lot. It's like you. That was the risk of that game, right? Because if you blow it up and then somebody uses against you, it's a lot. It's like you pulling a gun on somebody and them taking it away from you.

It's like, well, you pulled the gun. Yep. You know? And I feel the same way here. It's like, I understand that it's a shitty thing that they're putting in people that are unqualified,

but they're putting people that are unqualified because they were blocking before people that were qualified because they had the votes to block it. And now they're able to railroad unqualified people because they don't need those votes anymore because it's your fault. You know, the idea. Yeah, it is.

It is right. It's our fault that we gave them the ability to do something they could have done it anyway they could have done it anyway they could have they could have done the nuclear option themselves right they could have blown that up out of the water themselves right you you don't know that they would you don't know that they would have you can't you can't say that they would have no idea but it's like they're still doing something that's just objectively bad for the country. Absolutely.

Right? Absolutely. That's the thing that makes me crazy. It's like... You say bad for the country. It's not going to be bad for them. But people who are unqualified to do the work cannot do the work well. Well, that's true.

But they're going to have people that are going to basically write all this shit for them. They're going to have somebody underneath them that has to do the work. So they'll hire somebody that will do the work. Are they at the judge level? At the appellate judge level? Some other person would write the stuff for them. I guarantee it. If they don't know how to do it, they're going to have somebody else do it. Someone else will write it and they'll

just sign it. I guess you're probably right. I don't know, man. What's the outcome? I don't know. They turn in an assignment that's like, no, I wasn't talking about Derrida. I was talking about this other, you know what I mean?

Like if you wrote a paper on something else, you know, but they're not going to do that. They're going to have somebody write it. They're going to have somebody do it. Somebody's going to do the work for them. These guys are going to be sitting there listening to these cases. Yeah.

They're going to be sitting there listening to these cases that have never, they have no experience doing this work. It's no different than me doing it. Sure. No, it's no different. You have a political opinion just like they do.

Right. So if you sat down at that bench and there was a question about abortion rights, you would come to that with all of your biases, just like everybody else does. But you would have none of the things to temper those biases that you would learn in law school. None of them. It's, and that's what I mean by like, yeah, the ability to do this is our fault.

I agree with you there, but like nobody should like, we should just be in a system where nobody should want to do this. We need a better. Nobody should want to win so badly that they're willing to put unqualified people in any job. Yeah. In any job.

This doesn't fly anywhere else in the world. Where else does this fly? Like where else is, is it like, Oh, I just, I mean, other than like blatant cases of like nepotism.

Well, what, how do you think, you know, because Trump has come in and he's making all these appointments, right? And I'm sure he's not making these appointments, right?

He's getting, people are coming to him and saying, these are the guys we should put in there. Trump is looking at the list and saying, cool, let's green light these guys. Trump is not researching these people to decide whether or not they're. And after the, and I don't mean to interrupt you, but after the Kennedy grilling, Trump came and actually thanked Kennedy and said like, look, if my people bring you someone who's unqualified, I expect you to do this. Thank you for doing this. And I thought that was a good way to deflect. Sure.

Which is, I think, what it was. Yeah. It's a good way to deflect. It's a good way to say, I'm incompetent for putting that person in front of you in the first place. Right. Right. Those people should never, you should never have to ask that question. Right.

He blamed it on his people. Sure. So I'm agreeing. So yeah, he's, he's bringing people in that are, that are, that are going to do this. They're going to bring in, you gotta, you gotta wonder, you know, he's putting people, these people are putting people that clearly don't know what's happening in these courts. They don't understand procedures. They don't understand how courts work. Right. What is his company look like?

You know what I mean? Like, does he do that in his company where he's just like, I just, whoever, like whoever, you know, I went out to dinner with so-and-so and their kid needed a job and I put him up as like a manager of like a big center of my company

that has like millions of dollars worth of... You know what I mean? I wonder if you went in his company, if it would be as incompetent or if he pays more attention to that than he would the government. Well, his company would be run possibly without political biases, right? So if you're running a company, you're trying to create an effect, right? And I think like politics, he's trying to create an effect too. The problem is I think he's not trying to create effect in the courts, let's make sure we have the most qualified judges for the court.

Sure. It's let's have this political outcome. Let's create a political outcome. Yeah. And that's what, that's what his people are putting in. All these, some of these guys, a couple of these guys got rejected out of hand. One of them was like a conservative blogger. There's like, get the fuck out of here.

Right. Like you can't even be here. But some of them are getting through that are clearly unqualified. You're all sick! Oh, be nice! Oh, my son doesn't stand a chance. The whole world's gone gay!

Oh, my God. What's happening now? We work hard. We play hard. Everybody dance now! This story's from Right Wing Watch, and I thought this was a good story for kind of an end of the year, end of the year sort of terrifying wrap up. Sure. Now, everybody remembers like when when Trump and if you don't remember it, I mean, you should go back and remember it because it's important.

You know, when Trump was was was being touted as the Republican choice, there were a lot of people who were saying, oh, the LGBTQ community should not be concerned. Don't worry about it. Don't sweat it. It's going to be fine. He's not going to do anything. Yep. So let's look at his first year of his promised pro-gay agenda that he had. So here are some of the low points.

Anti-equality judges. We kind of just talked about this. So here's some of the low points. Anti-equality judges. We kind of just talked about this, right? Appointing judges across the entire system who have track records of being anti-LGBTQ across the whole spectrum. Stripping protections from LGBTQ students, parents, and families. And this is specifically referring to rescinding an Obama administration letter that urged public schools to respect the rights of transgender students.

Got rid of that pretty much fucking right away. Yeah. Pretty much right away. He didn't. Yeah. As soon as he came into office, that was that was thrown. It was thrown out. Was it gone like in the process when he took that page off of WhiteHouse.gov?

Like as. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. I think he was being coronated or fucking whatever. Yeah, exactly. When they were blowing the French horn up his ass. And he was like,

they put the white boards down. It was the biggest one ever because of the white boards. But the other one is like, when they're talking about transgender service members, it says ban on transgender service members.

That was rolled back, though. Right, it was. So they initially, he threw that out there through Twitter decree, if we'll remember correctly i remember that yeah and then he then people were like um yeah we're not going to do that which you know like don't take it away from him right because that says what he wants to do sure right so just because he couldn't

shit on your head yeah doesn't mean that he's not fucking prepping a deuce right exactly he's hoping for this yeah he will try again to do this. He wants, and he wants, he wants to make sure that like, you know, when he, when he does stuff through Twitter, that's when you're at the most raw for him. That's when you know, it's him, you know, it's him, you know, it's his voice. So this, this is particularly awful to, um, Anti-gay discrimination, defending it. Department of Justice reversed itself. So there was an appeals court decision that said that the 1964 Civil Rights Act should apply to sexual orientation. And they were basically like, no, it doesn't.

No, we're just kidding. Not so much. So there's that. Reinforcing the religious rights weaponization of religious liberty. Religious liberty is that canard that's dragged out all the time for religious people

to shit on whoever it is they want to shit on. They're just behaving with, they're exercising their religious liberty. Religious liberty is a big fucking deal for the Trump administration because the evangelicals,

as we've talked about before, cannot get his fucking micro penis out of their mouths. Yeah. And this next one is very similar. It's empowering the anti-LGBT inner circle. And that's true because look at all the people that were, it says that the very first part of this is, look at the cabinet nominees,

Sessions, DeVos, Carson. These people are all anti- LGBT. And you know, like you look at some of these judges, like we talked about previously, there's some of these judges that are like, Sessions, DeVos, Carson. These people are all anti-LGBT. Absolutely. And you look at some of these judges like we talked about previously. There's some of these judges that are clearly anti-LGBT. And just look at who supports these guys.

The guys that are happy are these anti-LGBT pro-family groups. They're like, I fucking love these dudes. Why do they love them? Appointing anti-LGBT activists to the United Nations delegation.

That's fucked up too. He appointed officials from CFAM and the Heritage Foundation to the US delegation to UN commissions on the status of women. And it resisted in any recognition of the human rights of LGBTQ people

in international agreements. Praising anti-LGBTQ groups. Trump spoke at a luncheon where he said, I will never, ever let you down. This was at the Ralph Reed Road to Majority Conference in June. That's a pro, or I'm sorry, an anti-LGBTQ conference, basically. And then the last one, and I think this is fucking the most important one, is supporting Roy Moore. He went down there and supported Roy Moore. He supported Roy Moore so hard.

He doubled down, tripled down, whatever he could do, he got down, went down on Roy Moore. Absolutely. The more he could support him, you know, just lay, I mean, if you just lay it on him or in him, you could support it that way. Just gotta work it in. Yeah, because you're not gonna, you're not it. Just gotta work it in. Yeah,

because you're not gonna, you're not just gonna get it in, right? Like, there's no way you're just gonna get it in there. You've gotta, like, there's,

there's things, flaps, you've gotta move over in order to get in there. You gotta fold, that have gotta be reconjiggerated. Just gotta be able to get right in there. You just lube the whole thing.

It's like, like, you basically just drop him in his own, like, that's how he sleeps every night, is in, like, Crisco. He's, like drop him in his own, like, that's how he sleeps every night is in like Crisco. He's like suspended in Crisco like Dune.

You know, like when he has that shit in him and he's like sitting in the tank. That's how he sleeps. You're just like looking down. You're like, yeah, I'm just going to get

a bucket of lard. I'm just going to start at the top. I'm going to work my way down. Eventually, I'll fuck something. I will say he's, he's very similar to Baron Harkonnen. Although Harkonnen actually looks like, Harkonnen looks more like his advisor,

the guy from Breitbart. What's that guy's name? Oh, Bannon. Bannon. Bannon and Harkonnen look a lot alike from the movies. But he's like Harkonnen in the sense that if he had repulsor technology to hold up parts of his fat, he would do it. Like he would do it.

Like he would go out of his way to be like, yeah, I can basically eat a whole chocolate cake every day because I can hold up parts of this girth with repulsor lifts. He is repulsive. He is. So it's the right thing. You want answers? I think I'm entitled to them. You want answers. I want the truth.

You can't handle the truth. So this is insane. This is from the BBC News. And now we'll have to read it. And I think it's worth doing. We'll have to read it because it's not in English. But the U.S. ambassador to the Netherlands is being talked to by a reporter, a Dutch journalist. I'm not going to even try that name.

And this is like, I watched this and I stared at it and I was like, the world's gone mad. The world has gone mad. So I'm going to read the transcript. At one point, this is the reporter, he says, at one point you mentioned in a debate that there are no-go zones in the Netherlands

and that cars and politicians are being set on fire in the Netherlands. And the guy says, no, I didn't say that. That's actually an incorrect statement. He says, we would call it fake news. I never said that. And the guy says, it's what you said. It's what you really said. He said, no, I never said that. Then it flashes

to this guy saying, the Islamic movement has now gotten to a point where they have put Europe into chaos. This is him talking on camera. Chaos in the Netherlands. There are cars being burned. There are politicians that are being burned. And yes, there are no-go zones in the Netherlands, says this idiot. And the journalist comes back.

He says, you call it fake news. And then he's been shown the video at this point. He says, I didn't call it fake news. I didn't use that term. And then they rewind the video to show him saying, I would call that fake news. He not only gets caught in a lie saying the original thing, he gets caught in a lie

20 seconds later. After the lie? Yeah. Unbelievable. We've gone mad. The world has gone mad. I think that it's just like it's so obvious to them that they can lie and get away with it that everybody's doing it now.

I'm worried about, I am genuinely worried about this fake news concept and phenomenon because it's now being used as a way to dismiss everything we don't like. Yeah. We, you know, there is this idea that if you call something fake news, that it's okay. Then that you dismiss it. Yeah. Whether it's actually fake news or not. Somehow it doesn't matter. What you're saying is I dismiss that. Yeah.

And I won't allow it. Credibility is something to think about or, you know, an option to consider. And it's like, are you fucking kidding me? Yeah. Like we,

it has to actually be fake. And most of the news isn't fake. And most of the news isn't fake. And most of the news organizations, CNN, you know, ABC News, the news is not fake. Most of this is extremely well vetted. They occasionally make mistakes. They editorialize, but to call all of that shit fake news. Yeah. If we don't have a working fourth estate that the public can trust in this country, we're really in a lot of, like we are in an extreme amount of trouble. PolitiFact has Donald Trump at over 75% untrue statements. Yeah.

That makes sense to me. Three out of four things he says are bullshit. And, but the problem is, is that there's people in this country that either don't care and think that the underlying tone of what he's saying has merit. So I don't care whether he's, whether it's true or they believe that what he says is true. So it's, it's, it's, there's a lot

of people in this country that believe like there, this guy cannot get out of office fast enough. As far as I'm concerned, I think he's a danger to the nation for all the reasons that you lose today. Yeah. I, I, I'm scared of this concept. I'm really afraid of this. Yeah. And it's propagated by the most powerful person in our country. Right. So we want to thank our newest patrons. Of course, we want to thank all of our patrons, but we want to thank our newest patrons,

Yaro, Paul, Joe, Aaron, Judy, Eric, Philip, Anthony, Reva, Barbara, Taru, Gunner, stolen corporate credit card. That's great. T.O.G. Local Dairy Council. Finally. Trill, Alexander, the Godless Revolution podcast and Cecil's unemployable Google search results. Thanks so much for your generous donations.

We really do truly appreciate it. Especially with my job hanging from a very delicate thread. So thank you all so very much for hopefully letting me fall back up. I'm just saying give till it hurts. That's all I'm saying. Give until it hurts. So we want to cover a couple of things. So, you know,

we not only got email this week about bad bands, but we also got some calls to prayer. This is the last time I'm playing calls to prayer. So don't send any more, please. And then we also have uh some worst meals so we're gonna go through some of these right now worst christmas food this one is from nat and nat says i gotta read this oh so so this is uh this is a shrimp salad oh god it's gelatin, cottage cheese, celery, cream, seasonings, that's in air quotes, and shrimp. Not good shrimp either, but shitty, cheap salad shrimp.

Those tiny assholes. It tastes like vomit. But because these people are bad at food handling, it usually goes rancid mid-meal. Could you imagine? He says, anyway, it looks like pink mush with white spots and smells like hell. Oh God. I literally would. I would.

If somebody put that on a table that I was going to be eating at, I would beat them to death. That sounds so horrible. He said over 50 people line up to eat this shit. That sounds so bad. That sounds so bad. How many times can you get food poisoning from that before you learn your lesson? You gotta be, basically you're

propelling yourself to the bathroom with your own feces. You know what I mean? It's like a rocket propelled shit. I like this story. This story is about somebody's grandmother who put salt sugar in the salt shakers. This is from Cindy. And the only edible food on the table, the only thing that appeared good was

the mashed potatoes. So she grabs the mashed potatoes so she grabs the mashed potatoes and salts them because the shit was not properly seasoned anyway basically sugared her mashed potatoes and then Graham's like hey why aren't you eating what's wrong you haven't touched your food

she's trying to stop me she says I touched it with the food on my plate held up my hands and said there I touched it are you happy we got a message from Suzanne She's trying to stop me. She says, I touched it with the food on my plate, held up my hands and said, there, I touched it. Are you happy? We got a message from Suzanne. And Suzanne just wanted to let us know that she's been listening for a while and we're her favorite podcast. So thanks for listening, Suzanne.

We appreciate it. Oh my God. We got a message from Travis. And Travis says, if you guys want to hear cringe-worthy music, listen to just about any song from the band Anal Cunt. Well, noteworthy mentions include the songs

I Snuck a Retard into the Sperm Bank and You're Pregnant So I Kicked You in the Stomach. I think both of those are related, actually. Really? I think both of those songs are related. Those songs from the band Anal Cunt.

Jesus Christ. That's so bad. That's so bad. The best part about if you sneak a retard into the sperm bank is you're the one who's got to jerk him off. Best of luck there. Oh, God.

Alex Jones Christmas. This is pretty hilarious. I'm going to just play this. This is a short. I'm going to put the link on this week's show notes. So there's actually a video that goes along with it. But I think that the music itself is worth listening to. Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. It's such a great edit.

It's so good. So good. It's so good. So, so check out that link. You could actually see the video. It's just funny too. But I think that the

music itself is funny. We have a link from Aaron and this is a comprehensive list on why Trump is great. So we're going to put this link on this week's show notes. Click on it. Check it out. This is episode 393. We got a message from the Bunk Podcast

and they had said that you can actually find out, Tom, what's going on in Area 51 right now. Oh, my gosh. It's probably greys and... It's kind of some secret stuff that has to do with the CIA and whatnot, but it's definitively not aliens. And it's really, like, you know, through, like, ways in which to get, you know, like, reporting of, like, you know, you can get documents, freedom of information stuff. You can find out what's going on down there. And they list a bunch of stuff in this email.

I'm not going to go through and read it, but like you can find this out. Like it's actually like it's a knowable quantity. And it's not. Well, that's what they want you to know. Ancient alien autopsies. So you say. Ancient alien autopsy is really pretty easy because it's already,

it's not juicy anymore. You know what I mean? Like it's an ancient alien. It's like. It's all desiccated. Peeling the stuff off the bottom of your shoe. All right. So here we go.

This is a call to prayer from Nathan. It's like a mouse in the walls. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. so uh this one comes from Molly and Molly says that the ex-mother-in-law used to make this meal and so what it basically was was

cheap hot dogs that were caught lengthwise and arranged on a castle disc atop a thick coating of lard. And then they were covered in ketchup, equal parts ketchup, A1 steak sauce, Worcestershire sauce, and soy sauce, as well as brown sugar and broiled until the quote sauce condensed

into a thick glutinous, nearly plasticine coating on the meat tubes. And then it was also served with mashed potatoes and it was basically put on mashed potatoes. And, and Molly says that the, they could have doubled as caulk for bathroom repairs and the, and carrots that I believe have been boiling since the Reagan administration. That sounds so bad. That sounds so bad. Here's what I want to know. That sounds so bad. That sounds so bad that's so bad here's what i want to know that sounds so bad that sounds so bad look you

know you know how you invent that is depression that's how you invent that you live through the depression and you're so sick of eating an old shoe you're just like what the fuck can i possibly do we ate the dog we've pulled fucking we've pulled off wallpaper and ate that what the fuck else can we do it's so many sauces I know that's the part I love it's so awesome all this glarch of sauces and they're all the worst sauces too

it's like let's take all the worst sauces and make a sauce that would be so acidic it would be terrible it would be terrible That would be so acidic. It would be terrible. It's shitty. It would be terrible. Oh my God. It would be so salty. Can you imagine how much sodium

their cheap hot dogs covered in basically soy sauce? That's all salt. Ketchup, tons of salt. A1 steak sauce, that's pretty much salt and sugar. And Worcestershire sauce, that's salt.

Yeah. It's like you would have to drink six gallons of water to not dry up like a silica packet. You got to flush yourself out. You get like dialysis or something afterwards. It's so gross. The worst thing I ever ate, I ever didn't eat. I didn't.

I never tasted it, but I was in the room for it. And it was. I love that you're just in the room for it. I remember I was. I'm not going to say where I was, but the person started cutting hot dogs up into the spaghetti sauce. And so they're cutting the hot dogs up and they look over you like you're staying for dinner and they could see on my face. I like did not have a poker face in that moment. I didn't have a poker face. I have a great poker face, Tom. You're crazy.

No, but I'm like a, I am like an unopened book. People don't, nobody knows what I'm thinking at any moment. Right. But I will say that I didn't at that moment. Right. I let that veneer down, Tom.

And they looked at me. I wish I were there so bad. And they said, they said, oh, we just sort of grab stuff here and just sort of make do with what we have. Sort of as like a real, like a way to be like, please forgive me for this atrocity for I have sinned. And I was like, and after that, I was just like, I'm just going to go. Like, I think I'm just going to go.

You know what? I have a severe case of explosive diarrhea or something less embarrassing than eating your food. I will say hot dogs in spaghetti sauce. It sounds so bad. It looks worse. What do we have for dinner?

Hot ham water. What? Ham water. Alright, so now this is not a call to prayer. This was made by Marcus. And this is a Jim Baker remix. A very well known man of God.

After I got out of prison, I had heard God is coming over a million times in a day. Millions of times. Now, I couldn't say that if that wasn't true. I say put it in my pocket. Yes. This is your favorite. The Bible says it's not a place to store cum, but God hasn't come yet.

I don't want to be called a fool. God says if you know something's coming, you can only blow it a little bit longer. Amen. That's the best part. That's great. So good. Okay. Thanks, Marcus.

Oh, this is interesting. This is from Aaron, and Aaron said that he went to Thanksgiving at someone's house, and they had a dry, unseasoned turkey, extremely overcooked vegetables, burnt, salty, burnt, extremely salty rolls, gravy so lumpy it looked

like oatmeal, but to top it off, she forgot to put sugar in the pumpkin pie. Could you imagine? Why would you serve it? Why would you serve any of that? How would you serve that? It's so rude. We got a message from Bree, and Bree says, guys, you don't know how embarrassing this was unless you were a girl in the 60s and 70s. One word, Donovan. And now this song is the way down under the ocean song or whatever. It's like, you know, like, I mean, it's not that bad.

It's not that bad. Although the beginning is a little cheesy. Yeah. Like when he's talking in the beginning. But the song itself isn't terrible. It's okay. I will say there's a song from the same era called Steal the Wine. And I don't know who it's by.

I thought it was Spill the Wine. No, I think it's Steal the Wine. Steal the Wine. Is it Spill the Wine and Steal the Girl or Take the Girl? I thought it was Steal the Wine and Take the Girl or something. Was it Spill the Wine? It is Spill the Wine. You're right.

It doesn't matter because it's terrible. It's literally the worst thing ever. It's such a bad song. They used to play that song on the classic rock station when I was growing up. And I used to listen to classic rock all the time. What they call classic rock, which is basically like hard-ish rock from the late 60s, early 70s. That song is so un-fucking-listenable. It's got the guy.

The guy who sings it is such a hippy- dippy shithead. You just want to punch him. You just want to punch him. You're like, nobody should ever be this hippy dippy. It's the worst song. Just listen to it all the way through. It's seriously I could not listen to it all the way through. It's a painfully bad song. So Joe sends in a message and basically says that he used to listen to

Ministry and now he doesn't anymore. I think that's what he's saying. Terrible music I used to run to is Ministry. Ministry's good. I't anymore. I think that's what he's saying. Terrible music I used to run to his ministry. Ministry's good. I like ministry. I like, there's a bunch of songs by ministry. I still actively listen to it. I still like, I still like too. And I mentioned last week that I like Black Sabbath Supernaut. I like ministry's version

which is actually not. It's the Thousand Homo DJs, but it's Al Jorgensen. I like that version way better than I like the original. It's an objectively better version by people who like good music. Oh, it's an objectively better version. It is a way better version. By people who like good music. Oh, it's such a good, that's such a good. Check out the Thousand Homo DJ's version of Supernaught.

It is fucking baller. It is such a good song. It is such a good song. But, but yeah, I still like ministry. I actually, I think I've listened to Psalm 69 in the last year or so. A little bit. It's a little goofy, but I think it's still got some really good music on it. I don't, I don't dislike it.

I listen to ministry regularly. Yeah, I don't think it's unironic. I'm not, I unironically like ministry. Got a message from Travis, Tom, and he's talking about, specifically talking about having a Me Too for churches. He says his, his mother

had given power of attorney to the church and they stole $200,000. That's just incredible. That's just incredible. I wish these stories were like, yeah, not so regular,

right? Emily sent in a, a wonder Bible, a device. So it's like, it's basically like a speak and say, except for it's got, it's for adults with Bible

verses. This is so funny. Check this video out. Basically, it's like a little weird little box that has like one big long MP3 in it and you could type in the verses and the numbers. And I just read them to you? Just read them out loud to you. And the voice actually is

like the voice of God. They got him to do it. So no, but check this video out. I'll put it on this episode. Show notes 393. Oh, this is great.

This is, uh, this is from Mick, I think, or mimic, uh, the worst holiday food was her sister-in-law's stuffing. And it was basically the,

the box stuffing like stovetop, right? Except for they didn't do any of the things to make it good. Instead, they just threw away all the directions and they threw the cubes in a pot and heated and stirred until they were burned.

They served it dry? That's the worst thing she ever had. It's just burnt bread cubes. You ate burnt toast burnt toast is not stuffing that is so funny man this is interesting Tom

this is from Casey Casey says you know he's responding to the ubiquity of cell phones issue that we brought up before and how that kind of gets rid of a lot of this paranormal stuff he says yeah same shit with miracles right he says I truly believe that they must have just happened somewhere else but I wonder why they didn't how that kind of gets rid of a lot of this paranormal stuff. He says, yeah, same shit with miracles, right? He says, I truly believe that they must have just happened somewhere else,

but I wonder why they didn't happen here. He says, it was easy to dismiss because I assumed we just didn't have enough faith here. He says, after all, all you need is faith the size of a mustard seed to move mountains. Do you guys think that God stopped performing miracles when cell phones became popular because of how important it is that we have to believe on faith rather than evidence. Well, that's one possibility. The other possibility is none of that shit ever happened ever.

I have them go with Tom's possibility on this one. We got a message from Micah. Micah says that they just found the podcast and they are coming out of religion and this is helping them sort of do it. Good. Awesome. Welcome, Micah.

Welcome, Micah. Thank you for listening. So happy new year to everybody. Remember, if you want to apply for our job as podcast coordinator, go to 393, episode 393. You got about a week to submit your resume. There's a form right on there.

Submit your cover letter and resume. We'd love to hear from you. We's a, there's a form right on there. Submit your cover letter and resume. Uh, we'd love to hear from you. Um, we're specifically only asking for people who listen to the show. So, uh, so if you like the show and you want to be part of the team,

go check it out. Episode three 93. Uh, but that's going to wrap it up for this week. Uh, we're going to leave you like we always do with the skeptics. Creed credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter. Mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit.

Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead pan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment. Leo Pisces, Thank you. Menace, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your signs. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this.

The opinions and information provided on this podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. All opinions are solely that of Glory Hole studios LLC cognitive dissonance makes no representations as to accuracy completeness currentness suitability or validity of any information and will not be liable for any errors damages or butthurt arising from consumption all information is provided on an as-is basis no refunds produced in association with the local dairy council and viewers like you i ever tell you about the story when I got the cockroach in my egg roll? I remember this.

This was, God, this was many, many years ago. Years ago. It was at a restaurant in Lyle off of Ogden. Yeah, it was in Lyle. And I remember cracking open the egg roll because I always crack them open to like cool them at the time. And I cracked it open. There's a giant. And we're not talking like a little tiny roach we're

talking like a fucking like a finger segment long roach like a big motherfucker like he had his family with him you know like he wrote last will and testament he's got a little briefcase he carries around he was big I was like oh my god that's disgusting

I was so grossed out I was so grossed out. I was so grossed out. I was just like. Not as grossed out as the cockroach that got fucking deep fried. God, I remember. And like I waved to the waitress and she gave me like the one second. And I picked up the plate and I walked over to her. And Sarah and I just walked out at that point.

I had to try to go. There's a cockroach in this. And I just walked straight out. And she was dealing with someone at the table. That sucks so bad for her. She didn't get a tip from anybody that night. No. Yeah, I was like, there's a cockroach in this.

And I just walked right out. Oh, my God. When we were in Cairns, you know, it's pretty tropical in Cairns. I mean, it's pretty tropical in Cairns. And in our room, which was immaculate, our room was very nice. In the bathroom, there was a cockroach in the bathroom that was the size of a fucking VW bus. It was just

huge. It was just like, I never even got a chance. It was fast as fuck and it was massive. And at some point, we just named it. We're like, stay in the bathroom. That's it. He's got his space. I've got my space. We're good. We've made friends.

Did you encounter any weird bugs? Bugs? We had a huntsman spider in our room in Sydney. Like one of those giant, like the size of a dinner plate spiders in our room in Sydney. Yeah. And I was going to kill it. And I had my sandal, right?

And I looked at my sandal. No shit. I looked at my leather sandal and I looked at the bug and I put my sandal down. And then you called the hotel operator? I went and got a bigger shoe because I did not believe that the sandal was going to be

up to the task. You needed more girth on that. I needed a bigger shoe. So I got a hiking shoe. And I went, I hit that thing, and it was like cracking an egg. Did it die right away? Yeah, it did. But it was like it had the same sound and feeling as if I hit an egg. Jesus.

It was fucking enormous. I didn't run into any, when I was in Australia, I didn't run into any bugs, but when I went to the shore one day, they made us wear teletubby suits because there was a there was a jellyfish like they're like like i was like oh cool we're going to the beach and they're like okay we're on this catamaran if you want to swim gotta look like a teletubby and i'm just like what i won't be a teletubby and then i i like wound up taking a

bunch of pictures while I was like, I was like, like doing sexy poses on the beach in this Teletubby outfit where I'm like leaning forward and like reaching out towards the camera and like, Oh my God. Awesome. Yeah. I haven't seen any of those pictures.

I didn't post them anywhere. I'm going to have to save them. I know what I want for Christmas. Now I'm just saying it was, It was one of those moments though, because you're just like, but I want to swim. I don't want to dress like a Teletubby. I had to wear a Teletubby suit

in order to do the snorkeling at the Great Barrier Reef. Yeah, well, if you're in a wetsuit, it doesn't matter, right? We were at the Great Barrier Reef. I wasn't in a wetsuit. I was in the Lycra suit. Yeah, it's like a wet type suit.

Yeah, we were snorkeling in that. Yeah. But you had to do that at the beach? At the beach, it sucks. Yeah. If you're out in the middle of the water, it doesn't matter, especially because you're covered in a bunch of shit anyway.

You got fucking fins on your feet. You look like a twat anyhow. You got a bunch of shit on your face and all that stuff. But like, so it doesn't really matter as much. But man, when you're out at the beach,

you're just like, I just want to like go to the beach. It's like a burkini. Sit here. Yeah, exactly. You're like in a burkini. Yeah, I was in a burkini. It was weird.

It made it weird to masturbate when I was on the beach too because normally I could just reach in there and like... Weirder. Because it's always weird

to masturbate. It wasn't weird. It was just a little uncomfortable. I don't like all the sand. I'm like making pearls. It basically exfoliates my leaner. It's like fucking a loofah.

Yeah.