Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 399: Tide Pod Weight Cut

Episode Date: February 5, 2018

Stories from the week -- Only for those with the strongest of stomachs

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That's G-L-O-R-Y at AdamandEve.com. Check out that's G-L-O-R-Y at adamandeve.com. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from glory hole studios in chicago this is midnight This is Midnight It's skeptical It's political And it's far too late to be starting our recording It's either gonna be, Tom It's either gonna be Super wacky

Or super angry Angry, angry We just got done watching. Here's why we're late. We had to watch the State of Despair address by Donald Trump. Then we had live streamed a little bit afterwards. A lot of fun. We did about an hour

live stream after the event itself. And then we had to decompress and bang our heads against every solid object possible to be stupid enough to be swayed by that address. I tried to let the demons out. They don't make enough alcohol for me to think it's like

that a bunch of senators chanting USA, USA doesn't make them sound like a bunch of fucking idiots. What else? I just don't understand. Who is chanting that? But like, there's no other country

you could chant in that situation, right? Can we just agree? I understand that chanting is stupid. I'm not chanting. I'm with you that chanting is stupid.

Where I get hung up is like, like, there's no other option. Like, it's USA. You're in the place where the USA lives.

Can't we? Isn't it just sort of implied that you're proud to be an American? If you're a fucking American legislator. In the place with the gavels. And the supervillain up front with no facial features. It's just

you just want to show everybody like, hey, just so everybody knows, as an American senator, I'm pro this country that I have given my life in civil service to. In the U.S. House. Right. U.S.A. Fucking kidding me? Well, I don't know. I mean, I'm

a senator in the Capitol building right now, but I just want everybody to know that I like America. I understand that I hate brown people part of that speech. It's the USA part I'm a little worried about. God, you know, like when he started talking about North Korea, I thought like great, he's going to say something stupid.

There's going to be a 45 minute pause and a big flash. Big flash over Hawaii. And that's it. He's just going to be like, and that's why today we've declared war. And be like, fuck off! Fuck! Another day in infamy.

Yeah, right? This is how... This is it? God, that speech was fucking stupid. This is episode 399. Yeah, 399. Of cognitive dissonance. And after that edit,

you don't know that Tom... Things are all out of, they're recorded all out of order right now. Yeah, because we had Seth on. Seth will be on next week on episode 400. Remember that you can send us your happy 400th. Wish us a happy 400th. All you have to do is either call our voicemail number

or you can send a voice memo to us. Try to keep them short, under 30 seconds, good to go. And we'll throw them on the beginnings of 400. So if you want to wish us one, you can send it to us. Indeed. Lord, we just asked it to be covered with the blood of Jesus. Open hearts, Lord, open hearts. So this first story comes from the Washington Post. I'm going to put my glasses on for this one. I want to make sure I get this right. Accuracy, my friend. There we go.

A church elder's Ashley Madison affairs led him to the dark web and murder. So this is a church elder for some garbage church. Who cares? And he basically went online. He went to the ye olde dark web. That's like the old-fashioned internet where all the back page is dark. Black scrolly.

I got that right? I think the dark web is where you can still buy black people. That's like Sudan, right? Sudan is the dark web? Well, if they're a female, chances are they were kidnapped and you could probably buy them on the dark web. Right?

Yeah. So this guy was cheating on his wife using Ashley Madison. Actually, the most surprising thing about this article for me was that Ashley Madison's still around. I thought after the hack... Remember that hack by Anonymous where they released... That's right. And they released all those people's names.

Thankfully, I joined after. Always use PayPal to protect your identity. What the fuck? What's the matter with you? That's why they make prepaid visa cards. You don't have to use your real... Never mind. I don't know. It keeps searching for Ashley Madison on

Pornhub. I don't know. Weird. Ashley Madison is Pornhub. And I was like, weird. So Ashley Madison is the, is the cheat on your spouse, but actually don't cheat on your spouse and just fucking talk to Russian bots. Russian bots. Like that's,

that's all that that is. Like, it's so funny. It's like 89% dudes, 9% bots, and like 2%. Dudes pretending to be girls. Back in the old days when there pretending to be girls.

Back in the old days when there used to be chat rooms and someone would be chatting with a girl, like one of your friends or whatever would be chatting with a girl. I remember just being like, that is not a girl. I remember always like if you meet a girl online in a video game or in a chat room,

you're just like, it's almost 90% a dude. It's 90%. I remember there was a mutual friend of ours that came over to my house once and made a female persona. He was typing away. Yeah, because it's super easy to trick guys because we're real dumb.

We're just like, oh my god, there's a girl talking to me. I'm going to ask her if I could do stuff to her and she's going to type back, yes. Yes, do stuff. God.

Butt stuff. But anyway, this guy goes on the dark web. So he goes out, he goes and he tries to get his wife assassinated. Right. Because he was having it.

I love this because he's having an affair and he's so religious that he can't get divorced. It's so crazy, isn't it? He belongs to a church that doesn't. It's like, yeah, divorce isn't a thing. Like divorce, you're a church elder.

There's no divorce. You're not doing it. The prohibition's a church. That's the problem, right? It's the prohibitions. It's that, you know, it's that when you can't be gay, there's people who are gay and then they have to hide it. And then all that shit gets weird. And the same thing with no divorce.

I bet you somewhere there's a Jehovah Witness who fucking locked himself up in his house with a party hat and he had a whole birthday cake. Guaranteed. Guaranteed. Just slam his face.

Just smear his nipples on it. And he's singing the birthday song all day. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. He's just getting blood donated to him that's left and right. Like, give me some blood. Why? I don't know. I just... He's secretly getting his plasma

taken out. He's giving the money to a hobo. He doesn't even want the money. He's like, I didn't want the money. I just want my plasma taken out. God. You know, even want the money. I didn't want the money. I just want my plasma taken. God. It's true, though. All jokes about my own personal life aside, divorce is actually an awesome option because really what is the alternative? I know all the jokes.

The alternative is suffering for the rest of your life. For both parties. It's like misery and suffering. It's like, look, if that shit doesn't work like why remain locked into this thing together no reason but like this is what happens right because like if you're that fucking miserable and you're all full of this fucking pent up

whatever like his his his option like his moral option was to hire an assassin from like Serbia yeah who by the way didn't show up so he killed himself paid him with Bitcoin when you pay an assassin with like Serbia? Yeah. Who, by the way, didn't show up, so he killed himself. Paid him with Bitcoin. When you pay an assassin with Bitcoin, do they

have to electrocute the person? Is that like required? Now, the concern, obviously, is if this isn't bottled up in San Francisco, this kind of nonsense, then it's going to be spreading across the entire fruited plain. And you're going to be going to your Burger King in Des Moines, Iowa, and you're going

to have a rainbow colored wrapper for your Whopper. I love this. It's so funny. This is from the independent gay man and straight woman who married to prove their commitment to the Mormon church. Yeah, they're getting divorced now. This is the divorced episode. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Again, you should the Mormon church. Yeah, they're getting divorced now. This is the divorced episode. Right.

Yeah. Yeah, again, you should be getting divorced. Yeah. Your marriage is garbage. What are you kidding me? So, like, this is a gay dude, a straight woman. And they're like, look, you know, gay is not an option.

And we can, like, get together and have, like, these different sexual orientations but you know God and Mormonism and all that stuff they mentioned that they had sex they said they had a robust sex life come the fuck on with that shit I'm sorry it's a gay man like it's a gay dude and a straight woman

he said he checked out that's the thing is like the only way he could do it is to check out during the sex I feel like how are you having that good of a sex life? You're like, I don't know. I'm thinking about baseball. Thinking about Alex Trebek. It's great sex life that I wasn't into.

Yeah. It's not a great sex life. Right. Right. Right. Like that's a fucked up weird. Like I kept my dick hard and ejaculated in you, but that's it. But that's it.

Right. You know, there's a, there's this, there's a good and a bad here, right? The good is that they finally come to this realization that what they've been doing this 15 years is a bad thing and announcing it to everybody because they went out of their way to say how before they were a couple that were gay and they could find love with each other in this,

in this relationship. And so the good is there, but the bad is, is that for all those years wasted, it's not only for them though, right? You know, because they were kind of a poster child for this sort of thing to happen.

And so, yeah, you wasted all your time, but how many people read your shit and did the same thing? Right. Yeah. My guess is a lot of people were in conflict about the messages that they internalized and the feelings that they had themselves. Like, well, I mean,

if they made it work, I can make it work. And, you know, God and country and all that shit. And so I guess, vagina it is. The woman said it never felt like he was my lover. It always felt like he was my brother. And that's gotta be a weird situation. It's gotta be weird and uncomfortable for everybody involved.

It's everybody. Right. It's not just, you know, like, like, and, and,

and the worst part is, is that, is that when you put this out there as a thing, like this is an option for you. This is your option. Instead of being happy, you can be somewhat happy. Hang out with your friend, but not have a fulfilling relationship. That's misleading people.

It's totally misleading people. And that's not a marriage, right? That's a bet. Like you can have really close friends. You can just be buddies. You can just like it. But there's something and it's not a marriage, right? That's a, like you can have really close friends. You can just be buddies. You can just like, but there's something and it's not just the sexual bond, although that's a big part of it.

Sure. But it's like, it's having a fulfilling, romantic relationship with somebody that you can't have with a buddy. You can be close, you can be emotionally invested, you can have a lot of things with a friend. It's not just like, oh, and then sex and that's what makes a marital relationship.

It's the romantic relationship. And like we think of heterosexuality and homosexuality often in terms of who we like to fuck. But it is more complicated than that. It's also which gender we have those romantic feelings toward. You know, like I know that I don't have romantic feelings toward men. Sure. Right? It's not just a matter of like

what makes my dick hard. It's more complicated than that. It's a matter of like, you know, who we have those, you know, broader love sort of gushy feelings about, you know, like which gender elicits those. Sure. Yeah.

And like if it's not going to happen, then you're just depriving yourself of that, of the joy of having that kind of relationship. You're removing a part of your life that you could never, you can never do. Right. A lot of people experience. Contrary to popular opinion, God is not against sex. It was his idea in the first place. This is awful.

This is from WLKY community outraged over church sign in Jeffersonville. I will admit I was surprised that in Jeffersonville, Indiana, they could summon the outrage over this church sign. I really, and I'm not even kidding. I really truly was surprised. So the church sign says, and it's supposed to be one of those pithy... It's one of those signs with the letters that come off. Right.

That you can rearrange the letters on. The teenagers do in the middle of the night. It's like, you know, God sucks sex or whatever. So the Jeffersonville Emmanuel Baptist Church said, stop sexual harassment. Wear clothes.

Holy shit. Really? Well, Saudi Arabia handled this in a similar way. They stopped all sexual harassment by not letting the women go outside. Yeah. So, that's really helped. I love the idea of that modification. So, you know, that they kill them. So,

you know, that helps keep them in line too. Cause that's like the ultimate sexual harassment, right? It's, it's harassment by virtue of your, of your sex. Absolutely.

Absolutely. It's, it's just not cat calling. Yeah, for sure. It's like, this is like, it should just be like, stop rape,

blame the victim. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, just say it. It passes off the, the, the blame for bad behavior on the woman. Right. It's my bad behavior to harass you, but I'm going to say you can stop it by dressing better.

And like your Muslim example is actually a great example, right? Like, it's not like sexual harassment. Let's take it away from the Muslims. Yeah. It's not like sexual harassment doesn't occur in the Amish community, right? Right. They're fucking buttoned up to the fucking nose. Yeah.

You know? Yeah. And sexual harassment and sexual violence is endemic in those communities. Sure. And study after study shows that. Like, clothing has nothing to do with it. You know? Like, it's about, sexual harassment is, this was explained to me, is the best way that's

ever been explained to me is that it's just another form of bullying. It's just another way to bully somebody. Yeah. And as soon as I sort of heard that and thought about that, I was like, yeah, it makes perfect sense. Sure. This sexual element is simply the form of violence that that bullying happens to take. It doesn't have anything to do with like, I can see your fucking butt cheeks or whatever. It has nothing to do with like, I can see your fucking butt cheeks or whatever. It has nothing to do with that.

I just think women need to agree on one sort of sexual harassment shirt. This is it. I feel like what they should have is like one shirt that just says, why don't you just tell me about my tits? Talk to me about my tits. Ask me about my tits

is what it should say on it. Ask me about my tits. That would be a great cognitive dissonance. Ask me about my tits is what it should say on it. Ask me about my tits. That would be a great cognitive dissonance. Ask me about my tits. But only dudes can wear it. It's only available in men's sizes. Ask me about my moves. It's only available in the men's XXL.

I would totally wear that. And it's white. And you have to spritz it with a little water. It comes with one of those fan sprayers, you know, like, ask me about my tits.

The men's double, only available in a men's double X. God. It's true in some cases, but they aren't all valedictorians. They weren't all brought in by their parents. For everyone who's a valedictorian, there's another hundred out there that they weigh 130 pounds and they've got calves the size of cantaloupes because they're hauling 75

pounds of marijuana across the desert. All right, this story is from Fox News. because they're hauling 75 pounds of marijuana across the desert. All right, this story is from Fox News. If Pelosi brings dreamers to the State of the Union, Trump should bring ICE agents. ICE for those who might be outside the United States. That's the immigration folks.

Immigration control executioners, I think. I don't know what it is. Yeah, it's the people who do immigration control. I don't know what it stands for. Someone's going to send us 35 emails about it, though. Right, I know what it is. Yeah, it's there are the people who do immigration control. I don't know what it stands for. Someone's going to send us 35 emails about it, though. Right. I know. I know.

So, I mean, and that's and that's that's really the bulk of this article. It's like, look, you know, if if Pelosi and other Democrats intend to make a political statement by bringing dreamers to the State of the Union address, then the and the the opposite political statement would be to bring ICE agents and have those people detained, arrested, and deported. That's because for these people, Tom, this is a binary issue, right? There's no nuance whatsoever in immigration for these people. What they think is the people who are for the DREAMers to come here are open borders. And that's just not true. Right. I'm not open borders.

I want sensible immigration. Nobody's open. There's nobody open borders, but I'm saying, but I'm, I'm just going to use me as an example. Right. I'm not open borders.

What I want is sensible immigration, reasonable ways in which people can get into this country. What I don't want is for us to discriminate against shithole countries, right? I want to make sure that we accept people from all over the world. And I want to make sure that people who come here against their will,

as young people that are productive members of society, get a chance to be part of this society. Now, they made great overtures tonight on the State of the Union. He made a bunch of comments about this in a very positive way. Talking about these different people that are

in this situation that are either in the military or they're business owners or they're graduates of high school or college. These are not just criminals. They have to have a good, clean record, etc. These are people who are productive members of society already right and he's talking about a path to citizen for citizenships for those people and i'm all for that right let's figure out a way to do

that and i think a lot of democrats are also for let's figure out a way to you know to to make sure that our borders are secure i don't think that there's any democrats out there like fucking let's open it up. Fire it. Everybody can live here now. It's like fucking running of the bulls every morning or whatever. I know that the Democrats balk at a wall

and I think a wall is silly. It's just a silly symbol. It's not going to stop the real problem of immigration, which is people who show up here and then just don't leave. They travel here and then they just don't leave. That just happens. That's the bulk of the people who

stay. So it's not going to change any of that. The wall's not going to change. And it's just a symbol. It's kind of a shitty symbol. I mean, it's a really horrible, oppressive symbol. But it also says what we think of Mexico, right? It also has inherently what we think of a whole group of people, not just Mexico, anything South of us. It's what we think of Mexico, right? It also has inherently what we think of a whole group of people, not just Mexico, anything South of us, right? It's what we think of anything South of us. But I feel like it's a binary issue for these people. They immediately think, you know what? If you're, it's, it's the, you're not with us, you're against us. That's how they think about this issue. They don't think about it in any kind of nuance or any of that. Right. It's, and you know, what, what always, what always amazes me when you think about

immigration is you just, in order to sort of get to a place where you're empathetic to the idea of saying like, you know, we need to, we cannot be, we cannot be anti-immigration completely, right? We can't be, we know we can't be because there's a brain drain that will happen if that occurs, right? It's not in our national interests to be anti-immigration. We have to have some kind of immigration into this country. We have to. It's in our economic best interest. It's in our intellectual best interest to have immigration, right? And anybody who puts any thought into this would know it, but it's also in our empathetic best interest. Sure. Absolutely. Absolutely, right? And anybody who puts any thought into this would know it. But it's also in our empathetic best interest. Sure, absolutely. Absolutely, right?

And it speaks to what kind of people we want to wake up and look in the mirror and be. And I know what kind of man I want to wake up and look in the mirror and be. And it's not a man who's like, yeah, I don't understand why you don't just fucking die in poverty.

Sure. I know why you don't want to die in poverty for the same why you don't just fucking die in poverty. Sure. I know why you don't want to die in poverty for the same reason I don't have to die in poverty. Fucking your bad dumb luck is the same as my good dumb luck. And as somebody who's the recipient of more good dumb luck than bad dumb luck, I feel it incumbent upon myself to recognize that. Yeah.

That's it. That's the only empathy you need because like if shit went tits up and the only way to get you know food into my family was to go to canada and canada was like we don't want you to be like fuck off yeah i'll fucking ride a beaver across your whole fucking country if i want to figure it out some way i'll figure it out right and that's all they're doing is they're figuring it out. Exactly. And I don't blame any of them. Yeah. It's not that they're not here with malicious intent. Right.

You know, it's a stupid idea. You know, are there some people who show up that turn out to be criminals? Absolutely. Of course, because there's criminals in any large population. It doesn't matter. Right. But when you think about this, you know, they want to make it seem like there's immigrant crime. They want to talk about this thing. It's this sort of specter of immigrant crime that's causing all this damage all over the world, all over our nation. And it's like, it's not a thing.

It's certainly not as rampant as American crime. It's certainly not as rampant as that. They also have a comment in here I want to read. She says, the sad truth is that Democrats would rather align themselves with foreign invaders who violated our national sovereignty, thumbed their nose at the rule of law, and pillaged and plundered taxpayer-funded resources.

There is so much wrong with that statement. You know, you're saying all of you that came here against your will you're all worthless awful plundering criminals right yeah something that you didn't even have an opportunity to change yep you're a worthless awful plundering criminal yeah right yeah somebody somebody who was born here yeah Yeah. Or an infant. Or brought here at six months, right? Yeah. Or brought here at 10.

Doesn't matter. 10, 12. I'll tell you what. I've got two 11-year-old boys at home. They go where I tell them to go. Exactly. They don't have any autonomy. They're not going to decide.

What the? They don't get to decide. They'll be like, you're not going to take them to Canada when there's the famine. And they're going to be like, dad, this is wrong. I got to go. They would die immediately if left alone sure like if i left those two boys alone yeah for seven or eight minutes without provisions they would be dead they would be dead yeah without like if i just

if if i left a can of food and a can opener and a bottle of water. And I paid every bill for the rest of their life. They would still die. They would still die. They are 11 and they would die going, dad, they would just lay on the ground and just expire right there on the spot. They just, I don't know what to do.

And they would, they can't even coordinate what shoes to wear with their pants yet. Admittedly, I have tough time with that. Abortions for all. Very well. No abortions for anyone. Abortions for some. Miniature American flags for others this story is from newsweek trump's health department expected to declare life begins

at conception turn evangelical positions into policy um so this is not a big surprise this is the head of the office of civil rights, Roger Savino, and the director for the Center for Faith-Based and Neighborhood Partnerships, Shannon Royce. They're part of the cadre of officials who are championing this nonsense. And I just want to point out, Trump was a guy who at one point in his political career was pro-choice, right? Yeah. And publicly pro-choice. Sure.

And now this pro-life stance that he's taking, which is one of the most outspoken and aggressive pro-life stances of any president in history. That's one of the few things he can, you know, that he's actually. He's accurate on. Absolutely. That's one of the few things he can write, you know, that he, that he's actually, he's accurate on. Yeah. So it's a pander, right? Don't you think this is just a pander? It's gotta be, this is not a pet issue for them. Yeah. It's gotta be. He, you know, he's doing a very, um, aggressive job about looking at his base and saying, I'm going to give you some shit that doesn't matter. I'm going to give you some shit that you've always wanted. Not that it doesn't matter. I'm glad you rolled that back.

Because this does matter. This matters quite a lot. But I guess what I mean is it doesn't matter to him. There's no skin off his nose whether or not that happened. I think this is just like, look, I want to get you. I want to get you fired up. I want to keep you fired up. This is what you've always wanted. Let me just hand it to you. Now, whether or not this passes the judicial test. Right. I don't know. I don't know. And

that's why part of me is like, yeah, it's a give that might not actually amount to anything, but it's a give. And then this will get that base excited like, Trump's our guy. Trump's our guy. Never mind that he's paying a porn star that looks like his daughter to go fuck. Right? We're going to skip being outraged over

his entire lack of moral principles because he's giving me what I want. Also, there's something in this that when you say it's something that doesn't matter

to him, and the reason why it doesn't matter is because when you're rich, this law would never apply to you. If you're rich, you can get an abortion. You would just get an abortion. There would be a doctor who would be able to be discreet. You'd fly to another country and get it. Yeah, of course.

Or you would just do it here. There would be a doctor who would be discreet enough. It would not be a coat hanger abortion. It would be a very safe like abortions like we have now in the good old USA. This is no abortions for poor and middle class people. That's exactly what it is. It's no funding for abortion.

It's no, it's, it's, it's, it's, you got knocked up. You should feel shamed that you got knocked up and you can't take care of that baby. That's on you.

Yeah. Well, all of, all of, I, I, I, we've said this before and I believe it very strongly.

I think, I think all of this anti-abortion shit has nothing to do with the baby. Yeah. No, I think this has everything to do with shaming women for their sex and sexuality. And stopping them from, from entering the workforce. Right.

You know what I mean? Absolutely. Absolutely. The more we can, the more we, you know, evangelicals and such, the more that they can control women and remove women from the workforce, push them into the home where they belong, all that. It fits that whole narrative for a reason. Because it helps to continue to push power into the hands of a select few. Yeah. Specifically, a select few men.

Sure. Yeah. And at conception. At conception. Conception. At conception. Yeah. Come the fuck on with that shit.

Like, what, is there going to be a doctor who's going to be like, okay, what am I going to do today? And you can be like, well, I just want to get my uterus detailed to get it done every month, whether I need it or not. I just get it done.

So I need you to detail my uterus. It's just like, you just like finish and you're like, are you pregnant? Are you pregnant? It's like, you're still in me. Are you pregnant?

You're like right now, punching her in the stomach. We want to take a few seconds here to talk about our sponsor, adamandeve.com. They changed what they're giving out until Valentine's Day. You're going to be getting 50% off just about any item. That is a standard thing they do. But then you'll also be able to get a free romance kit, which includes a toy for him,

a special massager for her, and a little something they think you'll both enjoy, and a free adult DVD, plus free shipping. All you have to do is go to adamandeve.com, select your stuff, type in Glory at Checkout. Now, this offers good through Valentine's Day, so get a jump on it. And remember to type in Gloria Checkout, G-L-O-R-Y. This is great. This is also from Newsweek. Catholic Church needs more exorcists due to urgent increase in demonic activity, priest warns. This is an Irish priest who not only said that we need more

exorcists, but said that anybody who can't see the increase in demonic activity is out of touch with reality. I know. That's my favorite. That's my favorite. If you can't see this, you're out of touch with reality. Tag, you're out of touch with reality.

Demons, you can see the demons. I like that he says too that like the demonic activity has risen exponentially and I thought like I wonder if he really means that. There's like a chart and it's like. Well, there's a demon in a visor with chalk and he's like

got some big equation on the board and it's one of those old timey boards that like it like moves around like like on fucking Good Will Hunting where there's like four different boards and you're sliding the boards all over the place. Dude, I didn't know. I learned something from this article that every diocese in

Ireland is required to have an exercising priest like a priest that can do exorcisms. That's a lot of dudes who see fucking demons. That's a lot of dudes, man. It says each Catholic diocese in Ireland

is required to have a trained exorcist who can identify whether a person is suffering from mental illness or has been possessed. They can just identify it. What they should have is like the equivalent of like a, like a bomb sniffing dog or a cancer sniffing dog. You know,

maybe they could just use newts and just use their eyes. Just stare at them. Just hold it. It's like an eye and newt. But wouldn't it be awesome to have like a fucking demon sniffing beagle though, where it kind of gets a little, it gets a little jumpy when it smells a demon.

I want it to be a beagle so I can howl when it finds me. Big ass. I don't know. Tell you what, beagle puppy with their big fucking like chubby paws and tiny little

shitty fucking beagle face. That would be really fun. They're stupid adorable. They are. Beagle puppies are stupid adorable. They really are. I would allow Satan to come in my body. Well,

you'd have to just be no big dude. It's go to Ireland. Yeah. I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, it would be the only nice thing in Dublin. Yeah. You know,

that's true. Yeah. I know that's true. Tom and I are walking down the street and we might've told the story already. We're walking down the street and Tom and I look down and there's a poo on the ground and there's a poo on the ground with toilet paper on top. And Tom looks at me and he goes, some motherfucker planned to shit outside. And it wasn't like, like, you know, like when you find a poo, like, and somebody kind of

went out of their way to sort of like lean on a wall or squat on a wall so they'd have to shit on their pants or, you know what I mean? Like it was in the middle of the street. Like it was in the middle of a cobblestone street. You're just like, there's poo. Like a whole poo. It's like someone just learned how to do that. I just, here we are.

I just, I had to poo right here. Like really right here. The thing is like, it wasn't out of place in Dublin it wasn't that's the thing I will say this I think we stayed in the wrong spot we stayed in like their French quarter and I don't think that that was a good place to say it was not I will agree that it was not a good place to say everybody loved it

and raved about it but I'll tell you I'm not a partying guy and that was like a partying street we were on it was but I mean admittedly like we walked around and looked at the sites. We were like, here's a big cathedral. I'm like, great. It's surrounded by barbed wire and somebody spray painted on it.

Beautiful cathedral. And it's like, let's go to Trinity College. And like, it looks like every college campus I've ever been to. And then you're like, let's go in the long room. It's like, it doesn't take a long time to go through the long room. It's like six minutes. It is two minutes. All right.

I'm good. And then what the fuck else did we do? We were sick. We walked around in hopes that we wouldn't pass out and fall asleep because we were both very tired. We were both dying. I was so tired, I forgot how to read. We got to that restaurant, and they handed me

the menu, and I was so tired. I looked at it, and I couldn't read anymore. And I legitimately couldn't. It was just swimming. and I was so tired. I looked at it and I couldn't read anymore. And I legitimately couldn't. It was just swimming. And I was like, I need a lot of meat. I need a lot of coffee. Whatever it is. Whatever makes that happen, I'm paying for it. Yeah, I was...

I feel like that was the state of mind I was in that was not going to make that a good trip. That's very positive. I have a feeling like it wasn't that I was depressed. It was just that I was exhausted. I was just that I was exhausted. I just think you were in Dublin. I'm sorry. The Guinness,

I did go the next day to the Guinness. Yeah, and the Guinness factory or brewery or whatever. That was cool. In the name of Jesus, we speak that.

Oh, Ramana, Shanda, Karaba. No, Kora, Mene, Mene,

Jede, Kede, Burushida, Kede, Berasa. Uka, Chaka, Uka,

Uka, Uka, Chaka, Uka, Uka, Uka, Chaka, Uka, Uka, This is super fucking weird. This is from Right Wing Watch. This is Rich Vera saying that Trump's decision to move the embassy to Jerusalem will release the cure for Alzheimer's. Okay. This guy is crazy. A little hard to understand. And crazy. Okay.

crazy. You talked about there's going to be a fresh wind, very briefly, starting at the White House. What did God show you? You know, fresh wind? What is everybody going to huff Trump's farts? I was going to say, he eats a lot of cheeseburgers,

so I don't know how fresh that wind is. Well, it's fresh made. It's new to you. Once again, what the prophets prophesied, God is going to clean from the highest house in the nation to the lowest house in the nation. There's going to be a wind of

change, a wind of cleansing, and there's going to be a wind of fire. That wind has to do a lot of work. Yeah, well, I mean, when you light your farts, it does. That's the wind of fire. I'll tell you what. Some cleansing. A lot of Indian food.

That's a wind of fire. It's got a heat to it. Damn. Holy Spirit's fire is going to be released in the White House that there will be signs and wonders that will take place inside the White House. And I saw the prophets going inside the White House, that there will be signs and wonders that will take place inside the White House. And I saw the prophets going inside the White House

prophesying the word of the Lord. The word of the Lord? Yeah, dude. They're prophesying the word of the Lord. You gotta polish my wood. Bring your wood polish. I call that spit i can i can prophesy there's gonna be wood at

least every morning i mean that's like a standard you know yeah gotta pee whatever what god is saying not what they want to hear and And I saw because of that, prosperity hidden and literally a divine mantle of protection being released over the president and over America where the enemies of America were going to be literally pushed back in this season because of the prayer of the saints and the prophetic that's going to go right into the White House. Tell me about, you told me

that there was going to be a cure for breast cancer. And I just read an article that someone's just developed one. Yeah, about six months ago, the Lord gave me a vision. And the Lord says, I'm going to judge the killer of the babies. And I didn't understand that. That's because God is ridiculously inarticulate. You're going to judge the killer of the babies? Yeah. And I didn't understand that. And I, that's because God is ridiculously inarticulate. Judge the killer of the babies. Yeah.

Doesn't I, I, it doesn't God individually, according to your fucking crazy world. Doesn't God individually judge us all when we die. Sure. And I feel like if he doesn't want you to kill a baby and then you killed a baby and then you die and God's like,

Hey, I didn't want you to kill that baby. Like all that set aside. We have a mechanism for this already. It's called hell. Like there's already a whole thing. You guys already figured this out. You guys already added this all up.

You know what I'm interested in? When I go to heaven, you know, because there's an afterlife. When I go to heaven, right, Tom? Yeah. I hope that there's like that table where they're all sitting on the one side of the table. You know how they all sit on the one side of the table in that last supper? Nobody's on the other side. Everybody's sitting on

one side of the table. It's weirder. I want everybody to sit on one side of the table, but instead of eating, I want them to hold up the numbers that they judge me as. You know what I mean? And I want the Russian judge to give me a 5.6. There's going to be an East German judge. There's not even East Germany anymore.

How'd he get up here? What the fuck? Why is your number two points lower than everybody else? This is bullshit. Also, I just looked it up just because I thought maybe I missed the big news that there was a cure for cancer. You know, I didn't even talk about it

because it just fucking rolls right over me. But was there a cure for cancer, Tom? Hold on. Let me check the... No, there's no cure for breast cancer. Wow. I'm glad you looked that up. Because I thought I might have heard about that.

You know, it might have been... Someone might have mentioned it. You know, there might have been a news story about it. There might have been all these people like, we don't have to walk anymore. Thank God. In between the Russian collusion somewhere, they had posted it. All these people just take down

their fucking pink ribbons off of everything. I need a new cause. 60 miles I used to walk. I used to plan a weekend around it. Now I can't even walk. A woman feeding their child and symbolizes

the production of life. And the Lord says, I'm about to bring, to open the eyes of life and the Lord says I'm about to bring to open the eyes of those and you know God says I'm about to finish a sentence Jesus well I said again I'm about to open the you know actually what I meant you know what I meant was

I'm going to open but you know what I wanted to say was to open the eyes so life can once again be spoken loud through the through through the bodies of women and i saw oh my god what is that jesus christ god is so unarticulate it's unbelievable i do want life to be spoken loud through the bodies of women that is i'll tell you what you know you're doing something right when life is being spoken aloud to the body of a woman i'm just saying it's like what you know if she's silent probably not having a good time i normally treat the boobies like a microphone just yelling i just yell and hope i get an echo

why are you yelling at my tit what what did you do with it what am am I supposed to do with it? I just scream at your boobies. Feels like a bag of sand. You were wearing a shirt that said, ask me about my tits. What do you want from me? I was just asking real loud. Something that was going to come out of a secondary result that was going to be like a discovery of something that was going to come out of a secondary result that was going to be

like a discovery of something that will push back a breast cancer on ladies. And as we saw today, breast cancer on ladies. So men that get breast cancer is still shit on a lot. They're fucked. Some dudes like, wait, I thought we had a kid.

No, no, sorry. We did only women. But yeah. And the guy's like, Hey, I thought it was for me too.

And they're just like, enjoy the patriarchy. And they guy's like, hey, I thought it was for me too. And they're just like... And they're like, enjoy the patriarchy, motherfucker. He's like, wait, I thought this is like, well, it's not for all men. Yeah, it's not all men. Not all men. Not men at all, actually. They used to go give him an article saying exactly what we're saying.

And you saw that on the back. What about things like feebleness and Alzheimer's? Well, first of all, we're going to not use the word feebleness because it's not the 19-teens. Feebleness. Grandma's got the feebleness. What's wrong with my boy? Well, he's just feeble. He's just feeble.

Your boy has the feebleness. Oh, bring out the idiot. Does my boy have the retards? A couple years ago when I was here, I prophesied that and you sent me some articles and this is the most amazing thing. What happened in Israel with President

Trump proclaiming Jerusalem to be the eternal capital of the Jewish people. He did that today on the State of the Union too. He went out of his way to mention that today on the State of the Union because that's really important to some people. He did that today on the State of the Union, too. He went out of his way to mention that today on the State of the Union. Because that's really important to some people. Nothing changed.

Well, I think it made a lot of Palestinians mad. Okay, yeah, something changed. You got a good point. Chuck says it's a significant thing in the spirit world. Because for him... The ghosts are happy? It's a significant thing in the spirit world because for him the ghosts are happy it's a significant thing in the spirit

world. Check Tobin's spirit guide it was right on the first page it's all over spirit Facebook like they're just like everybody's posting about it the whole fucking space book is a buzz. Space book? You kidding me? To be the man that

spoke boldly to the nations of the world. He released a spirit that opened a portal for blessings to be released from Israel to the rest of the world. If you look on Psalms 122 says, if you pray for the peace of Jerusalem. Now, the word to pray means more than just pray. It means if you do something about it. The Bible says there'll be great prosperity among those that love Israel. So when the president went, and I saw this in a vision, and proclaimed that on television, there was literally a portal that opened up,

and he began to flush like a waterfall to America. Was it a blue or orange portal? Because that matters when you're playing portal, whether it's blue or it's flushing like a waterfall to america is america just the toilet like it's just like the spirit realm is shitting on us and we are about to experience prosperity like we have never experienced before because the bible says when jerusalem gets blessed or when something happens concerning the peace of Jerusalem, prosperity is the result that follows.

There's all these people in like, you know, most of the rest of the world that are just like, why do they get more prosperity? We could like some prosperity. Thanks, the eternal God of all humankind for ignoring most of the 7 billion of us in favor of 320 million already rich motherfuckers. What's crazy to me is that when Jerusalem prospers, everybody else prospers. Everybody knows the Jews are bad tippers. Everybody knows that. The Jews aren't black.

Sammy Davis Jr. was. You see, there are demons in the earth. matthews mark's gospel chapter five there are demons all over where and jesus cast out demons when he walked the earth this story is also right wing watch this is uh lance wallaby uh kicking it again trump was casting out demons when he booed a cnn reporter from the oval office but what I noticed is these disruptions weren't happening at Rubio meetings, weren't happening at Cruz meetings, weren't happening at Hillary meetings. You know what? The devil wasn't manifesting at those meetings.

These aren't people just- Why not? Why not? Like the devil is just like, he's just like, I'm not going to Ted Cruz, really? Like even the devil's repulsed by his faux humanity. The devil's like, look, you can only fit one alien in Ted Cruz. You can't fit a demon in there.

It's like, it's just like, it'd be like fucking like, what was that Belki show? The Perfect Strangers? Where they have to like share a human? You know what I mean? Like, you're not gonna, it's like the odd couple. Right, They're just drawing a line down the middle of the room.

This is mine and that's yours. Yeah, exactly. The demon and the alien sharing the human. The devil's just like, every time I get near him, he tries to hug me and he elbows me in the face.

And he punches me and then he elbows me again. Every time Haley and I accidentally bump into each other, I'm like, oh, I'm sorry, just Ted Cruz. Every time. I'll be like, I'll just like, I'll reach my arm over and actually like bump into him. I'm like, oh, sorry, Ted Cruz.

Yeah, I'm sorry about that. Yeah, if I'm going to elbow Sarah in the face, I just take her down first. I double layer her. And then I throw elbows from the top position. That's manifesting like a deliverance service. These are people that are working together at a level of evil, right? In order to coordinate, to be almost like, and you think about it, a lot of us, I came,

I used to work in unions and I worked with negotiating with unions, but union tactics are like that where you were intimidation, manipulation, and domination. Humans aren't in a union. They're a legion. That's a different... What was it? Intimidation, domination, and what? Let's say that again. Where you were intimidation,

manipulation, and domination. Intimidation, manipulation, and domination sounds like the dating scene in 2018. Those are my three things that I searched Pornhub for. Where you bullet people or threaten them like Antifa. You threaten them with violence

to the average person. Like Antifa. Like Antifa. Not like the guys with tiki torches. Right. Not those guys. They're not intimidating, manipulating,

Those guys with shields, swinging fucking tiki torches and clubs at people were not trying to intimidate they were just protecting that monument right yelling about about jews and blood and soil no blood and soil you can never misconstrue that it just means i'm happy to be here it just means when you till the land sometimes your your hands get rough. That's what it means. It means beat your swords to plow shits. So I started noticing that and I said, Donald Trump isn't backing down. Why? Because there's a deliverance anointing on him for America.

And what do you do when demons are manifesting? You cast them out. He just cast. Or you decide that you're crazy and you get lithium. Those are your, I guess like, I just just want to point out you've got two options. You can cast the demons out or take your fucking meds because you've lost your shit.

Or you can just pet your beagle service animal that we mentioned earlier that finds the demons. I want an anxiety service animal. I want an anxiety service animal. I just want to be like, yeah, I just sometimes get sad and I want to pet a dog. I just want it to be a full-size horse and have to carry it with me everywhere.

Like, people be getting in the elevator and be like, sorry, my horse is in here. And then just shits in the elevator because they don't care. Horses just don't care. They just shit wherever. I want it to be like a Siegfried and Royd style like Bengal tiger. Like a fucking battle cat. You like

fucking, you could like, like, I don't know You like fucking, fucking, you could like, like, I don't know, like fucking saddle that thing up and ride it into battle. Yeah. If I feel anxious now you do too. Everyone feels tiger. There we go.

I'm not trying to reduce my anxiety. I just want to change it to the status quo. This is my service crocodile. You're just sitting in the meeting, throwing a chicken, snapping them out of the air. Like your boss calls you to the office. Like we're going to have to,

what are you going to have to do? What are you going to have to do? Do me a favor. Whisper it, whisper it, whisper it to Chester. He'll tell me. I can't hear you over the sound of crunching chicken bones

what did you have to say to me it was hilarious he points out and he goes out one word out and the security sports the journalist out of course they did he's the president and that's security for the president and that's not something we need to be cheering about i know it's awful

it's a horrible shitty thing to do and it's taking the one thing that lifeline of ours that lead that allows us to question the government away right it's the it's the only mechanism for accountability absolutely deliverance anointing so he's got a Samson prophet anointing to deal with the Philistine, any threat to God's purpose for America and Israel. And that's the problem, right? Just the language he's using, if there's a collusion

that comes out, right? Now they're talking about this memo and they're talking about all this other stuff. Let's not forget that Mike Flynn lied about talking to the Russians. Let's not forget that Jeff Sessions lied about talking to the Russians. Let's not forget that Mike Flynn lied about talking to the Russians. Let's not forget that Jeff Sessions lied about talking to the Russians. Let's not forget that Jared Kushner lied about talking to the Russians, that all these people lied about talking to the Russians. And then they all got called out on it. Some of them got convicted of crimes for it. There's Manafort's working for the Russians.

Papadopoulos, another one that's involved in this Russian thing, up to their eyeballs. And they keep screaming, no collusion, no collusion. And one side of it totally believes it. They're like, yeah, there's no collusion whatsoever. Even though, you know, as time goes on, there's more and more people. And they keep on hiding this evidence, right? It's not like they just said, yeah, we had a the russians they're everybody's saying they didn't they have to get caught first they have to get caught first then they and then they may yeah then they have to admit it right after they get caught then they're like yeah okay we a little bit of talk just a

little bit but the person in the talking does not represent me because i fired them after you found and then i i forgot about but donnie jr met with trump with russians too know what I mean? Like there's just, it's just one person after another, right? And they can never put Trump in the room. At least they haven't publicly yet put Trump in the room. But, you know, it's all these people around him. But the problem is, is at the end of this, if this ever comes, and you know, it may never lead to anything. It may never be anything. It may never, you know, may never see the light of day that there's any real accusations against

him. But let's, let's just say that there are, there's going to be a whole bunch of people that just say there are demons attacking the president. Oh, I know that this isn't, that this is an other worldly battle.

And these are people, these are people who are going to defend everything about him by just saying he's a godly guy. And these are demons going after him. None of that stuff is true. But like, you know what makes makes me crazy is they're only saying he's a godly guy because he's giving them the policy positions that they want. Because they, because what they want is a guy who's going to be, you know, they're using God as their lobbyist. Right. Yeah. You know, well, they wanted somebody in their pocket. Yeah. They want somebody to do the things they

want to do. Yeah. And they don't care who it is. So they're like, yeah, that tool is anointed by God. That's that's. And, you know, I mean, I've always said, like, I think Trump's a fucking tool. Yeah. So, yeah, they're probably not wrong. This guy will go unhinge the gates. Yeah. He's got a Samson like anointing. When you got that going on, why do you want to be a critic of him? Why do you want to be small minded and pick on his Samson tweets? I mean, I could care less. He's not an elegant Isaiah prophet. You want that? Mike Pence will come along. But Mike Pence, I've got to tell you, will not survive unless Donald Trump cleans up the Philistines first. Yeah. Oh, my God. That is some fucking jibber jab. Yeah, that is some

jibber. And, you know, again, you know, somebody had posted some on the night we did the election coverage. We have a 10-hour video up there or whatever. It's a really stupid long video, six-hour video or something. And people will, on occasion, I'll see that they'll post on YouTube. And they'll post some comments about it. And somebody came back with... Well, he did get into a Twitter sparring with uh with kim jong-un and it didn't do anything you feel like an idiot now or something stupid like some fucking idiot said something about that

and i'm thinking it certainly didn't raise our stature at all right right it certainly didn't help us at all it didn't make us any better that he said he called kim jong-un a duty face over twitter and he said that he's fat and ugly. Like it certainly didn't do anything for us. Doesn't that shit make you feel like a crazy person? Yeah. Oh, when I hear that,

I'm just like, it's like, yeah, okay. It didn't cause a nuclear war yet. Okay. I know. Cool story.

But like, but I'm embarrassed by it just as much. Thank you. Like the idea that the idea that you would use this you would use Twitter like this public platform to name call another world leader

is so bizarre and fucking weird and juvenile and like obviously unproductive to use like it'd be like if he like stood outside the embassy with like a bullhorn and was like you got a small penis like i mean look at what he calls him crying chuck schumer or lying this guy or whatever he does it to senators name

calling in public yeah it's all just like this is stuff like if my kids did this, I would be like, come on, you're better than this. Yeah. You're better than this. This is for assholes. I mean,

you just feel a level of disgust because there's nothing I can do to stop him from representing me. Right. I am powerless to having him stop representing me. He's constantly representing me on a world stage. So it makes me want to puke when he does this sort of thing. It's not even that he called him on the phone and had a private conversation where he was like, rough, one diplomat to another diplomat. He's just yelling into the void and being like, you see see I tagged you and I screamed into the void that you were a big poop poop face?

This is a weird... I swear to God, if the big flash happens because of Twitter, the last thing I'm going to do is fucking kill myself. I'm just going to look at me like, I was right all along. I'm going to kill myself. I'm going to kill myself.

I'm going to post one thing to Twitter. Right? Just says I was right. Fuck you all. With all due respect, what the fuck are you talking about? This is right wing watch. This is Tommy Lahren. Tommy Lahren.

Tommy Lahren blames liberals for the Tide Pod Challenge. So, like, the Tide Pod Challenge is this nonsense where people eat a Tide Pod and then some of them get sick and that's, it's stupid. And they've killed, I think a couple of people have died. And it can really fuck you up.

Like, these are things that you should not be putting in your mouth. Right. Which, you know, you shouldn't. But, I mean, like, genuinely, like, the stuff it does to your body is, like, remarkably bad for you. Really? It's not just a little. Like, you can literally die from one. Well, I do know that some people have died.

And it fucks your body up. Like, it basically starts dissolving your body. It just starts, like, dissolving your body. They showed a picture of somebody's lungs and what was happening. Just the x-rays or whatever, but it was like, it's not good. It is definitively not a thing that you would ever want

to do, period. And what's crazy is that people are doing it, right? People are putting these things in their mouth, but this is not, like, this was not invented. Showing off for your friends was not invented recently. You know what I mean? We all did.

I'm not going to say we all, but I know for sure I did stupid shit when I was a kid to show off for my friends. I'm sure you did the exact same things. I feel like I still sometimes do stupid shit to show off, right? Like none of us are immune. Like, nobody is immune to that impulse to

impress, right? It's just that we change our methods to impress, right? It's just like as we get older, you know, some people buy a car, like a nice car or a nice home or like you buy nicer clothes or, you know, just the, but it's all, it's all part of the

same thing. It's all part of the same desire to be noticed and impressive. It's just that when you're young, you're an idiot. You have no resources and you're willing. You're like, I can't buy anything good. I'm going to gamble with my safety. When we were young and we were in junior college, do you remember the guys who used to wrestle, like, like wrestle, like fake wrestle and like hurt each other and stuff? When we were young and we were in junior college, do you remember the guys who used to wrestle? Like wrestle, like fake wrestle and like hurt each other and stuff? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There was people who had like a backyard WWE.

Yeah, they are. The LWF. And they would try to like, they would slam each other on tables and like, I mean, like do all the stuff that they would do in the WWE to the extreme without any of the training. Right. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. I remember going to those parties in a farm. We went to those parties.

Yeah. Going to those parties in the farm and like, that's all that shit. And then, do you remember at the end they had like the royal fucking shenanigans or whatever?

You paid five bucks and you went in. Did you ever go in? No. I went in. I was skinny. I went in every single time. Yeah.

Every single time I went in that stupid thing. Did you get thrown out? Every single time was skinny. I went in every single time. Yeah. Every single time I went in that stupid. Did you get thrown out? Every single time I got thrown out of that thing. Yeah. Do you know what's funny? It's like one of the idiots that used to go there is Phil Brooks. Who's now CM Punk. Who's like the biggest,

the biggest star in the WWE used to go there. Yeah. Phil Brooks was, and he won that Royal rumumble a bunch of times. And he was never a big guy, actually. No, CM Punk fought in the UFC too. Did he? Yeah, he fought in the UFC, got his ass kicked.

Yeah. CM Punk is Phil Brooks. Phil Brooks is... From our area? Dude, I've wrestled that guy in the backyard in Missy's backyard. No shit. Yeah. That's crazy. That's that dude. It's a small world after all. That is crazy. Yeah.

It'd be a better story if it was Shane Carwin. Nobody, everybody who's listening is like, who's Shane Carwin? They don't know who Shane Carwin is, but it makes me laugh. He's a UFC fighter. Huge UFC fighter. It's the UFC fighter. He's a UFC fighter. He's a UFC fighter. He's a UFC fighter.

He's a UFC fighter. He's a UFC fighter. He's a UFC fighter. He's a UFC fighter. He's a UFC fighter. It's the fucking size of a wall. Right. Yeah.

And they cut weight to make 265. Big, giant monster. I gotta get down to 265. Monster of a human being. I'm gonna stop eating anvils today. I'm gonna cut weight. I'm gonna eat a Tide Pod. You know what you cut when you eat a Tide Pod, though? 21 grams.

Oh, nice. How do you pronounce her name? I've seen her. Tommy Lahren, I think is how she pronounces it. I've been seeing her. She's a Republican pundit and she's one of these, she's a bootstrapper. She's one of those, you know, bootstraps and liberals are ruining the world type of person. We're doing a pretty bad job. Not only is it insanely dumb, it's downright pathetic. This isn't a social media problem, a tide problem,

or even a medical problem. It's a parenting problem, like many things wrong with modern society. Oh, is she just a rant and raver? Yeah, she's a rant and raver. Is that her thing? Is she just a pretty girl who yells at you? Yeah, she's a rant and raver. Is that her thing? Is she just a pretty girl who yells at you? Yeah, she's yelling at us.

I feel shamed, Tommy. Is that what this is? Is this virtual CBT? Is that what's happening right now? I'm being serious. It kind of is. Is it just a pretty, like people are just getting off

that a pretty girl is yelling at them? Or a pretty girl is yelling at people we also don't like? I think that's more it. I think it's that the pretty girl is yelling at people we also don't like? I think that's more it. I think it's that the pretty girl is on my side and is also yelling. So I get to feel like she's part of my anger. She's part of my click.

Okay, I get it now. Also, I hate being human. I just want to say, the fact that this is just part of how we operate. I just want to say, hey, Kim Jong, shoot us that missile, bro. Come on, shoot it over. I'm done now. I know what you're thinking.

The Tide Pod Challenge couldn't possibly be political, could it? Actually, yes, it is. It's just the latest symptom of a larger problem, the breakdown of the American family. It's what happens when kids aren't taught boundaries, respect, consequences, or logic. Okay, this is fucking literally what every 30-year-old says. When they just tick over 30, there's that.

Damn kids. These damn kids these days, they don't listen to their dad and they don't have respect for the elders. Back when I was a kid and we shot bottle rockets out of our fucking open assholes. You know? Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me? I know this is dangerous, but like, you and I have sat around and swapped stories of how close we've come to die. Of the danger, yeah. That didn't take five minutes.

Yeah. That was a night. Yeah, that was an entire evening. Like, eating a Tide Pod? I'm like, yeah, it's soap. All right. Nom, nom, nom. All right.

I'm going to tell a quick story and then you tell a quick story about how you almost died. Here we go. Quick story. My quick story. I'm in a car. We just got busted

drinking outside by the police, right? So we're 18 years old, 19 years old. We just got busted with old English 40s. Only like one or two of them even had alcohol in them. We had just drank a shit ton of liquor. There's 12 kids out there.

So the police are like, they don't want to fucking spend all night writing paperwork on underage drinking. So what do they do? They put us in our cars and they send us on our way. So we take off.

Well, I'm in my buddy's car. He has a Mustang and he has one of those Mustangs with the chip in it and all the fucking vroom vroom and he can go fast. I didn't know shit about cars back then. I don't know shit about cars now.

I want one with the vroom vroom. It was a 5.0 with a chip kind of thing in it. And this is in the early 90s. So it's a relatively new car and it's one is in the early 90s. So it's, you know, it's a relatively new car and it's one of those like really fast Mustangs. So he's drunk. He is drunk.

I am in the passenger seat. We're sitting next to a, one of those, it's like a Camaro with like a, you know, ground effects and like, he revs it, they rev it. He revs it, they rev it.

We're at a light. We're supposed to go right here, but instead he decides to go straight to race the Camaro. He takes off. Boom. He blows this thing away because he's got the chip or whatever. I don't know.

Whatever. Fast fucking vroom vroom. So he goes vroom vroom down the road. He vroom vrooms away from the car. We blow this thing away. So he decides to turn right. So he turns right into this business park and he starts going.

He's moving. He's cruising down the road and he's going 70 miles an hour thereabouts. And I scream at him stop sign. So he hits the gas because he's going to blow the stop sign. Bad move. It's a T. Worst move. It's a T into a pond. Boom. And we fucking Dukes a hazard. His, his vehicle into the middle of this pond at like 70 miles an hour blows the ground effects off this thing. We hit the water.

We have our seatbelts on, but we hit the water and the water just goes over it. And then we come back up for a second. Well, I immediately start to open the door. Cause we don't know how deep the water is. I start to open the door. I can't open the door. I'm pushing. I can't, I'm struggling. I start to open the door. Cause we don't know how deep the water is. I start to open the door. I can't open the door.

I'm pushing. I can't, I'm struggling. I can't open the door. I turn over and look at him and he has already rolled his window down. And I said, and I'm drunk. Right.

So I scream at him. I go, I'm just going to say his name. Like Frankie, the door won't open. And he's like, and he looks at me and he does a scuba diver pose. He holds his nose and he goes,

use the window, dude. And then he falls. So now I'm stuck in the car and the car is slowly going down. So I start to roll the window down. Well, I had hesitated to roll the window down. So I didn't get the window all the way down.

What I got was the window down about maybe about seven inches. Okay. And then the water poured in and short circuited the electric window. And so I start to go down with the car. Right. And so I have to squeeze myself and I get my hips stuck in the car and my head goes down. I'm down.

I'm going to the bottom of this small pond, which is, we didn't realize, 20 feet deep. Oh, fuck. And I am going down to the bottom in this car. I have to shake and shake and shake, and I finally break the window. I think I knocked it out of its track. I didn't break it. Right. And then I go up to the shore.

Well, I'm coughing now because I breathed some water and whatnot. And I try to get to shore, and I swim to shore. It is February. So it's the, there's no ice, but the water is, you know, as close to freezing as you can get.

32.00. And I get to shore and I start coughing up water or puking up water. I'm not sure. There was a lot of things coming out of me at that point. And I had to swim with my combat boots on because I had combat boots. It was fucking hard. Hard. Yeah.

And so then I almost died there. But then we have to walk to go to college because back then there's no cell phone. So you have to walk to find a pay phone. So now we walk down the street to find a pay phone. And it's 30 degrees. And I have like 0% body fat. I was a very skinny young man. So I was 0% body fat.

I mean, I'm shaking. I'm like, can't even think. We get to this, we get to this motel. We walk in and Frankie says, we need to use your phone because you know, we just crashed our car. And she says,

do you have a room here? She says, and he goes, we're soaking wet. I look like a fucking hamster that fell in the water. My hair's all, I'm soaked. I'm shaking,

chattering. She won't even open the door. Like, cause there's like a buzzer or whatever. And she's like, well, if you don'm shaking, chattering. She won't even open the door because there's a buzzer or whatever. And she's like, well, if you don't have room here, I can't let you in. And Frankie spits on the thing. He's super mad. He hits it a couple times, hoping they'll call the police or whatever, but they

don't. We had to walk across the street and stand outside. And I called my mom. My mom came to get me. And I went home and I got in the shower because I was so cold. I couldn't stop shaking. I got in the shower and I turned the water on almost as cold as it could go. Fucking hurts. And it was almost burning.

It was burning my... It felt like it was burning my skin. And then I just slowly turned it up as time went on. And I sort of... I think I passed out at one point in the tub and I woke up shivering and the water was... I felt the water was cold final right and I was like oh the water is cold okay and then I said it but I was

I was as close as I've come I love it I love that story because you almost drown and from almost drowned and then had hypothermia yeah afterwards yeah it's it's really it's not enough to almost drown in one day and it's because I was a stupid kid right that's what I mean in your like being stupid is not like.

You have one. You have a million. Yeah. Everyone's got. Yeah. Yeah. Like, but I'll tell a story about the same fucking party that we went. Like we used to go to these stupid fucking farm parties.

And there was this guy that, in fact, it was Phil Brooks, brother. It was Mike. It was okay. Yeah. And he was afraid of heights.

And I remember being like, we don't have to be fucking afraid of heights. Like, like, like we can fix that right now. Like again, we had had an alcohol. Basically are like,

here's a tide. And I'm like, we can fix that right now. And it's at a farm and there's a silo. And so like the silo has like those metal, like reinforcing ring things. Right. And I'm like,

come on, we're going to climb to the top of the silo. Me and you, you know, you, we get up there, exposure therapy, motherfucker. you will not be afraid of heights we go and so like i'm walking them through and we climb up and we climb up and we climb up and we climb up to the top of this big ass fucking concrete silo but i i must have been drinking i was fucking stupid

because it's a stupid fucking thing to do so i get to the top of this fucking silo and without thinking about it and like trying to show off and be cool, I was like, look, no big deal. And I put my hands at the top. And I was pretty fit at the time. And I put my hands at the top. And I sprung my body over the side thinking I was going to land on the roof. But it's a silo. And they don't have a roof.

Because that's not how silos are. What's in it? Nothing? I don't know. I don't know what was in it. I think it might have been empty. But so I sprung over the side, over the interior of the silo

and my legs, instead of hitting what I was hoping would be rough, they hit nothing. Yeah. And then they just fell. So I started to fall into the silo and I would have fallen

into the interior of the silo all the way down and died. Like I just would have died. Yeah. Like, and he's an idiot. And everyone would have fallen into the interior of the silo all the way down and died like I just would have died yeah like and he's an idiot and everyone would have been like no loss and but thankfully like when I because it would have been no loss yeah and so like I but I put my arm that it sprung over and I twisted and like when I felt my legs hit nothing like I just instinctively like grasped and I grasped one of those metal rings and i caught myself and i just hung there for i don't know a handful of seconds while i realized like yeah and then suddenly you had a fear right

you know and i'm trying to teach somebody that i almost kill myself and he's and mike is actually like are you all right because i just disappear over the inside of this thing and so then i you know i climbed up and I was like, fucking like everything in my body is just vibrating because I was just like, oh, we'll take all the adrenaline now, please. We'll just have it all.

You pulled yourself up though. Right now. I pulled myself up and was just like, fuck. And then I had to climb down with the fucking adrenaline shakes the whole way down where you're weak.

And you've just dumped all of it. You just, your body's like, wait, I'm just, it's gone now. And you're like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. The whole way down. And we got to the ground and Mike was fine. And I was like, you know what I'm talking about? You know what I'm talking about? Your body's just like, we're just going to die right here.

And I'm like, we saved you. You know what I'm talking about? Your body's just like, we're just going to die right here. We saved you. Now it's time to die. But like, like, this is like a thing we could do for a while. Yeah. You and I can have a whole show of these. Right. A whole show of these. Yeah.

Cause you're, and, and that's, that's, that's what the tide challenges. It's not the same shit. This isn't, this isn't the fucking, you know, it's not a new phenomenon. No. It's been happening, especially to young boys. Right. Since forever. Since they were young girls.

Exactly. To show off for. Right. Parents nowadays are taught to live and let live. Just go with the flow. Let your teens express themselves. Hey, man, whatever. I think she's the young version of that.

But this modern loosey-goosey method of parenting doesn't teach kids right from wrong or sane from insane. It produces wild animals that think they can do whatever the heck. Wild animals? What the fuck are you talking about? I love that she's like one hour older than these kids. You know what I mean? Like, look at her. I know.

What is she? I mean, like she's. She looks like a high school cheerleader. Right. Yeah. Seriously. Like she's 12. Like she looks so young.

She's like kids these days. It's exactly. It's the moment you turn 30. Right. It's kids these days. Like she's doing this and it's like she's still asking someone to buy her alcohol outside the 7-Eleven. They want and get away with it. Parents used to wash their kids' mouths out with soap and now kids are voluntarily eating it.

Is this really where we are? Pay attention, parents, and do better. Social media addiction is another major issue. These teens surely know it's not smart to eat detergent. attention parents and do better social media addiction is another major issue these teens surely know it's not smart to eat detergent but because their value and self-worth is determined by video views and instagram likes they do it anyway now the left which dictates popular culture brainwashes young people into believing they live in a world where 64 gender options are up for selection oh god none of these things are related to any of these things she's screaming outrage

points just like all right she's like i'm 25 and hot you'll listen to anything i say she can seriously just be yelling about tigers right now people be like she could just be transferring one cup of gravy into another cup of gravy i'm gonna read from this old Chinese newspaper. Okay, fine. There's people that are fucking tuning in. I love that she's yelling about this culture

of people just going online and watching some videos. It's like, that's literally you. That's you. That's literally you. Trust me, you pay attention to how many likes you have too, lady. You want answers?

I think I'm entitled. You want answers! I want the truth! You can't handle the truth! This just populated today. We've never heard this yet. Yeah, we haven't heard it yet. We haven't listened to it yet.

You want to do something live? Want to do a little live recording in the moment reaction? Yeah. So here we go. This is Alex Jones warns the deep state may soon nuke Washington. They're on TV saying, Trump, we're coming for you. We're going to kill you. Who's saying that?

The Secret Service would immediately arrest whoever just said that. We have to bleep Eli out all the time. To make it look like everything was Peachy King for all their operatives and their deep state. Peachy King. Peachy King. Peachy King. That's a little known daughter of

Martin Luther King. Wasn't there like a Princess Peach from the Super super mario there was a super mario yeah yeah maybe that's peach and maybe she transitioned and now she's the peachy king yeah people hold the line stay here you're safe they're like in the text messages none of this is real there's no russian collusion this is dangerous it's in the text messages. Continue on McCabe. Continue. Press the attack. And it's it's funny because there's all this talk about the memo and there's all this talk about this other stuff. And the memo that they're talking about is this memo that Nunez created that basically cherry picks because all the Democrats that have read it have said, look,

he's just cherry picking all the stuff that they want to release, that they want to get out into the public and not giving you any of the source documents to go along with it. Instead, he's just cherry picking. And so if they do release this memo, which the Justice Department, I think, has said, that's a very dangerous thing to do. Even if they do release it, we've got to understand that it's not, it is not all the context that goes with everything that's happening. What I hope happens, and I hope that they don't wind up firing Mueller beforehand. I hope that there's a moment where he just like, okay,

here's all the people I want to arrest. You know, he's already done one round of arrests, but I have a feeling, you know, like there's no reason, there's no reason to go after the big dogs. He's getting all the little people to talk and, you know.

You flip the underlings to get to the top. He's doing his work. But I have a feeling like, you know, if they don't, if they let him do his thing, you know, maybe Trump's never implicated. There's a chance maybe Trump's never implicated. Maybe he was smart enough to stay out of all those rooms, stay out of all the right rooms. So he's never implicated. those rooms, stay out of all the right rooms. So he's never implicated.

But man, there's been just person after person on his staff that has had to roll back all their lies. Yeah, all the claims that they made. All their treasonous lies. Because it's treason. It is. Absolutely. It is legitimately treason. Absolutely.

It's funny because the only thing that will fix this is the conclusion of an investigation. However that investigation concludes, you have to let it conclude. What this is, is an attempt to conclude the investigation in the court of public opinion rather than actually allow the investigation itself to run its course. And the reason you would do this is to control the narrative. Exactly. And controlling the narrative is important whenever you want to control who has power

and how that power is distributed. So this is a control the narrative move. It's a smart move. It's a smart move on behalf of the Trump administration, right? Because it allows them to navigate or allow that story to play out exactly how they want it to play out so that when that investigation, if that investigation uncovers something they don't want uncovered, they can delegitimize it. And they need to be able to delegitimize whatever pops up next.

I will say that if something like this goes through and they wind up discrediting the investigation, the investigation falls apart because of this memo or because all this stuff that happens. There's already like moveon.org already has like if Mueller gets fired, they already have a plan in place. There's a thing like an action plan in place that if he gets fired before 2 p.m., they have all the sites in the United States where they will march. And if he gets fired after 2 p.m., the next morning, 9 a.m., they have all the sites in the United States where they will march. And if it gets fired after 2 p.m., the next morning, 9 a.m., they have all the sites. So there's already a plan in place if they were to fire Mueller. Like, it already exists. So, you know, I have a feeling that there would be so much outrage in this country if that happens.

If somehow, you know, they derail this investigation through, you know, through all this firing and, you firing and bureaucratic red tape and whatnot. That's one of those things that I think everybody remembers next time. You know what I mean? I have a feeling everybody remembers that next time. Oh, absolutely. I'm very not optimistic about a Republican win, if that's the case. I like that. That's a good scenario, though.

This is illegal. Do it. You're in this deep enough. Yes, sir. I'll do it. And then they all ran to Congress and ran to the president under his wings. Come on, chickens. Come on, little chickies.

Right under the wings. He's lost me. Yeah. Well, what he's saying, here's what he's saying. He's saying that McCabe and all those other people that were involved in some of these text messages, they had said that a bunch of those people had said, there's nothing, there's no collusion. Why do they run to the president who takes them under his wing? They're talking about Obama.

Oh, yeah. They're saying Obama. This is an Obama collusion. They're blaming it on the previous president. That makes sense. Because when I hear the president, what I think of is the president. Yeah, you think of the current president. Not the guy who used to have that job.

Right. But I'm not going to count my chickens before they hatch, but man, because you know when Darth Vader's got Luke Skywalker and he says, I have you now, he doesn't. And of course, they're really Darth Vader or Luke Skywalker, but you got to ask him gotta ask he's like hold on a minute i gotta fuck i have to belabor this i didn't fuck that up i fucked that up i i fucking told somebody i was darth vader everybody totally

not darth vader hold on hold on i'll go harry Potter. Metaphor reversing. It's okay now. I'm not Dumbledore. No, I am Dumbledore. I'm not Snipe. Whatever his name is. Who's the hero? Who's their deus ex? Who's their deus ex? Does he mean deus ex? He does mean deus ex.

Does he mean deus ex? I love you so much. Deus ex. Millenn love you so much. Deuce X. Millennium Falcon coming screaming in to stop us from stopping them. Because let me tell you something. Right now, the allegory goes either way. We're about to squeeze the trigger and fire those torpedoes

down the main reactor shaft. Or you can put us in the other seat. We're Darth Vader and here comes a Millennium Falcon. We got to blow. Will you stop? Can you stop? Can you stop? Can you stop? You have twisted me around. So I

don't know which side. Am I an Imperial? Am I a rebel? I don't know. Didn't Luke fire the torpedoes? Yes. The Millennium Falcon wasn't his machine. No, it wasn't. It was an X-Wing. He had a different

space ship. I just said X-Wing. You can use that. Okay. Fuck. Pull that thing up. Politically. Show. I'd be watching all sixes right now for what they're going to pull because they want to set a nuke off in

DC? What? They want to pull some kind of hanky-panky? What? the time we're going to do it more incredible clips coming up more incredible claims and bizarre belabored metaphors that confuse even me with that as i run down you know it's funny because right wing watch is right he does say that but it comes out of left field at the very end there oh yeah just at the end at the end. You want it. They want to nuke Washington. Who? What? Why would I do that?

If I'm the deep state, that's where I work and live and my friends. And I want the power. I just knew. Why would I do that? I don't. Well, they can jump to light speed and get out of there. That's the key. Yeah.

Go ludicrous speed. And then you're fine. All right. Well, that's going to wrap it up for today. We want to remind you that Seth will be on next week. And also, if you want to wish us a happy 400th, please send us a voicemail

or a voice memo. Dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. You can call our voicemail or a voice memo. Dissonance. That podcast at gmail.com. You can call our voicemail number, uh, and leave a message. Uh, we'd love to hear from you. So if you want to wish us a happy 400,

that, uh, we're going to be playing a bunch of them next week, but, uh, but that's going to wrap it up for this week. And we're going to leave you like we always do with the skeptics. Creed credulity is not a virtue.

It's fortune cookie cutter. Mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment. brain dead pan sales pitch late night info docutainment leo pisces cancer cures detox reflex foot massage death and towers tarot cards psychic healing crystal balls bigfoot yeti aliens churches mosques and synagogues temples dragons giant worms atlantis dolphins truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, double-speak stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive.

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