Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 405: Space Force

Episode Date: March 19, 2018

Stories from the week From Natalie     From Aaron       From Shane   Dreams Dreamer @_enfantterrible:  "i had a dream were I was being chased by some menace that I believe to be military police. at some point I they caught up to me and tackled me to the ground and held me down. one of them took out a knife and started carving a word on the back of my neck. it was the word happiness" Tom: This is an Alex Jones rape fantasy  --- Dreamer @awesomecanada: "Alright, so I had a doozy of a dream last night. After scoring some weed at my old HS, that wasn’t really my old HS, I was walking home in the snow when the night sky was filled with spinning UFOs, all alight and humming melodically.  Some celestial beings transported down...  And we went sledding down hill.  One of the beings, in female human form, got badly injured from sliding into a tree.  We took her to my old church basement, where a preteen dance party was underway, where she changed into her true form.  A 2-headed octopus creature. Then I woke." Tom: This dream is about your mother. You want to fuck your mother. You need help.  --- Dreamer David: I once dreamt about two bread sticks after eating bread sticks and two bread sticks is 11 so I pretty much predicted September 11....... sorry I would have warned you guys but it happened in 2010. Tom: This is also am Alex Jones rape fantasy     

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from glory hole studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome at this episode. Four hundred and five of cognitive dissonance is a very important episode. Cecil, this is the episode where we announce the very first United States Space Force Space Force.

What's the space force? I wonder. It's just a it's just a shuttle with a pew-pew written next to it. I think that they should do something really, I don't know, majestic, like a Death Star or something. But the problem with the Death Stars, they keep blowing up. Well, I imagine that is what would

happen to our Space Force. And aren't they only good at blowing up a whole planet? Like, isn't that they're like, that's a fucking, that's a wrong tool's a that's the wrong tool for most jobs right turns out when you america has a bunch of those tools what do we don't we have slightly we have more refined tools we have a gradient of tools we have them all what if we just had one all the way down from bayonet right to icbm what what if we

just had one what if it's like look all right here's the deal we don't have one gun in this country however we have a missile that destroys earth it just gonna crack the whole fucking thing into it's gonna turn into a cadbury egg it'll crack it right into the gooey center we know we know nobody wants you we don't want to use it sure but do not fuck with us so So you sound like North Korea. That's kind of what it is, right? It's like, yeah, all right. I got a bunch of defunct

1950s war technology. I can throw people. I can't do anything except for blow up a large section of this world and make it uninhabitable for a lot of people. Did you see that, um, you know how they keep testing those weapons in that mountain? They keep testing the weapons in the same mountain over and over again. Sure.

They've destabilized their mountain. I don't know if you saw this. And there is a fair amount of concern that the mountain is going to break, that they broke the mountain. Oh, you break the mountain. And when the mountain breaks, it will catastrophically collapse. And then all that radioactive material from those tests will be released in a massive cloud of radioactive dust that will then just float around fucking people up. So we still might get the opportunity to be radioactive-ized. Humans are awesome. Right? I love the idea that you're like, I blew up a mountain.

A mountain? Because I drive past a mountain. I'm like, you shouldn't be able to break that. You're just some like, I'm a 200 pound dude. Nothing I do should break a mountain. They're like some weird guy who shits in a bucket a lot and then like walks outside

spinning it around. No 200 pound slab of meat or in our president's case, 327-pound slab of meat, should be able to do anything with their hands that blows up a mountain. So let's talk about this story from CNBC. This is real. I just want to preface it with this is fucking real.

Trump floats the idea of creating a space force to fight wars in space. Okay. Okay. Okay. So admittedly, when you go to war, you may not choose the theater in which that war plays out in. It could happen.

It could happen in the sea. It could happen under the sea. We have space. It could happen in the sea. It could happen under the sea. We have subs. It can happen in the air. It can happen in the ground. It can happen in the jungle. It could happen maybe in a mountain somewhere. It could happen in a box.

It could happen with a fox. It could happen on a car. Could. Have we ever had space at all be the theater at all ever? Well, I mean, arguably... Wait, no. Do you remember Crazy Reagan when he's like, hey man, you know what we should do?

We should put lasers in space and shoot missiles with space lasers. These guys, you know what's amazing? People have no idea how science is. Well, that's because that guy, that's because the head of NASA retired.

This is a guy, seriously, this is a guy who's like, my iPhone can take a picture. You know, just like, that's amazing. I got the internet's in my pocket. And then like he wants to build Space Force. I remember having a conversation with someone and I remember them saying,

they say you can't get good fast internet out here, but when I go over to the gas station, I put my credit card in there. Oh, I remember this. And immediately, it verifies that information immediately and I get my transaction, but I can't get fast internet.

I said, you have to understand that the amount of information that's passing over that is a very tiny amount of information. It's, you know, 16 digits and encrypted 16 digits. So it might be, it might, you know, it's more than 16, but it's, you know, it's 300. Yeah. Whatever.

It's, it's a small amount of information. I was like, it's not necessarily, you know, a large amount. It's not one tit on a porn video. It's not even one nipple. They looked at me and said, it goes immediately. Like I didn't even say anything. Like I said nothing. Yeah, well, let me actually read

what Trump said. I don't want to misquote him. So I'm going to read exactly what he said. Space is a war fighting domain. No, it's not. Okay, let's stop there. Let's just stop there and say

there has never been a war in space. Wait, it's not. Okay, let's stop there. Let's just stop there and say there has never been a war in space. Wait, has there been a battle in space? There has never been an enemy in space. You need a lot of factors. Well, don't the ICBMs,

don't they cruise up into space and then they kind of come down? Have we ever been hit by an ICBM? We have not, my friend. No. Okay, then. But here's the thing.

We have most of them. I rest my. Then here's the thing. We have most, I rest my case. Okay. All right. Space force. All right. Just like the land air and sea. Trump's told an audience of service members of the Marine Corps air station Miramar quote,

we may even have a space force develop another one space force. We have the air force. We'll have the space force. We'll have the Space Force. Wait. Hold on. Space Force. We may even have a Space Force. Develop another one.

Space Force. We have an Air Force. We'll have the Space Force. Okay, hold on. That does seem somewhat redundant because it has three Space Forces. It sounds like a Nickelback lyric. What was that band from the 90s? Bush? Where it's just like,

I got a machine head. I got a space force. Develop another one. Space force. Space force. Space force. To be fair, you couldn't use the air force. I quit the show.

I quit the show, man. No, space force. Fuck this. You can't use the air force where there's no air. Come on. Think with your head, Cecil. Here's the thing. I'll just let all of my enemies asphyxiate.

Hey, how many space enemies do you have? I'm just wondering how many space... Cecil, I'm asking a legitimate question. Do you think that any of those crazy people who think that there's aliens are going to think that the reason why he's creating a space force is to fight the alien force?

We live in this world. This is a world we live in. All I care about is that Space Force, please, God, let the base be from Area 51. If we could just, if you could just give me that. You know, they're a small, you know, it's a small ask. It's all I want. It's a small ask.

It's all I want. That's not a lot. That's all I want. That's not a lot. That's it. Just, okay, well, hold on. He's not done. Oh,'s it. Just, okay, well, hold on. He's not done. Oh, good.

Thank goodness, Tom. I said, maybe we need a new force. We'll call it the Space Force. He's so fucking stupid. He's such a stupid, stupid man. And I was not really serious. Then I said, what a great idea. Maybe we'll do that.

Space Force! It's all that matters in the world I love you Space Force okay hold on oh my god so think of that why are we still doing this hold on it's great

this is the best thing I said maybe we need a new we'll call it Space Force and I was not really serious then I said what a great idea maybe we'll a new sports. We'll call it Space Force. And I was not really serious. Then I said, what a great idea. Maybe we'll have to do that. So think of that. Space Force

Trump continued. Oh my God. Because we're spending a lot and we have a lot of private money coming in. Tremendous. What does that mean? What does that mean? Nobody knows. Nobody knows. Nobody knows. He interrupts himself with facts that don't matter or aren't true.

Or have no context. What is he talking? We're spending a lot. On what? Just in general? I don't know. I've been spending a lot lately. I got a wedding coming up.

Because we're spending a lot and we have a lot of private money coming in. Tremendous. What does that mean? It doesn't. There's no context. We didn't miss anything. I read the whole thing. And then he says, you saw what happened the other day and tremendous success.

What are you talking about? I think that he may be referring to SpaceX. I think that may be what he's referring to. But the government has nothing to do with SpaceX. Here's the thing. That car was not a spaceship. It also was not a fighting spaceship. We don't have to fight that car.

It's not hurting anybody. It's just up there being a car. It's just bullseye and womp rats at three meters. That's all. All right. He says, from the very beginning, many of our astronauts have been soldiers and airmen, Coast Guard men and Marines, and

our service members will be vital to ensuring American countries, American continues to lead the way into the stars. Now, in the other thing, he talks about how America, in terms of space, guys, is so far behind, but we are catching up.

We put a rover on Mars like a couple of years ago. One of our companies just put a car in space because fuck you. Why not? We landed our boosters back on a fucking ocean plot thing. Like, America's doing all the stuff, like all the space stuff that's real exciting right now. And we don't even really have a lot of good funding for it. Some of it is private money, right? Some of it is not, but some of it is private money.

But we're going to go up there with, like, pew-pew lasers or something, and then who are we going to fight? What for, though? Because space wars. Are you just putting them up there so that the moment somebody who isn't your ally, let's say China, puts up an X-Wing up there, then you shoot them down? Is that why you're doing it? Okay. Let's think of it like somebody goes up there and they're like, we claim space. Space is now ours. We're like, well, there and they're like we claim space space is now ours

be like well I'll just take some of the other space cause it's space there's a lot of it that's called space we can just be in a different space in space we aren't running low on space right?

right I know we're getting emails from people we could shoot down our satellites. And so you're going to shoot them down from the ground. Yeah. You don't have to be up there to do that. What the fuck is space for is going to do. There's going to be astronauts flying around just like,

Oh, I'm on patrol. Date 386. Still in space. Like, what are you going to even write? Captain's log. Nothing happened again. Dot, dot, dot.

Captain's log. Dot, dot, dot. Start eight. Who cares? I quit. My life is meaningless. You could 30 seconds skip into the future and it would never say anything. Space Force. Chapter 21. Chapter 22. What would boot camp

for Space Force look like? I think you have to ride in that vomit comet to go something down. That's the whole thing. You're like, whoa, whoa. Your cheeks are like flopping backwards. I know when you're out with other kids, kind of hard sometimes to even admit you're Christian. This story is from the BBC.com.

This story is amazing just for the name alone. Jesus Christianity jailed for Pride Camiru bomb threat. A rail passenger has been jailed for 17 months for threatening to bring a bomb to an LGBT march in Cardiff.

His name is Jesus Christianity. I'm going to quote this article. Okay. And I'm just taking some of these quotes out of context, but I think that they have some significant meaning. All right. Christianity admitted communicating or falsely giving information.

Christianity targeted young people. Christianity suffered from clear psychiatric difficulties. Christianity was motivated by hostility to homosexuality. Okay. I think you win this article. You just win this article. All of those are quotes from this article. You just win this.

Whoever wrote this article is a fucking genius. Fucking totally tongue in cheek the whole time. It's likeity targeted young people that's just genius that is just genius um i love i and also too he's like he started saying it was adam and eve not adam and adam adam come on that's not even steve is the right that's the way you rhyme it he can't even i can't believe that a man who renamed himself Jesus Christianity isn't more clever with words. Jesus Christianity? Not even just Jesus Christ?

Jesus Christianity. At least if it was Jesus Christ, you could yell his name. I think he would think that that would be an insult to call himself Jesus Christ. Like taking the Lord's name in vain. Calling yourself Jesus Christianity. So just his first name in vain. Calling yourself Jesus Christ would be like, that way, like how many women have screamed your name? Maybe he pronounced it Jesus.

We Lord, we just asked it to be covered with the blood of Jesus. Open hearts, Lord, open hearts. This story is awful. It's from Boston 25 News. Shocker is from Boston. Catholic Church opposes Georgia law extending time for sex victims to sue. So that's pretty much what this sounds like. So there are laws that are being floated. There's actually been a number of laws that have been floated across the country proposing that victims of sexual crimes have more time before the statute of limitations basically runs out on their civil remedies. The Catholic Church keeps being on the side of like, no, I think the current, the current timeframe is fine.

We're out of money. It was probably us. Like we're probably, we don't want to shell out more money to the people that we allowed the priest to fuck. Like we really are tired of spending money, covering up all the priests that fuck children. Like we just, we're really, we'd like to make sure that if we did fuck them and they didn't

get to us in time, we don't have to write them a check. Sure. Yeah. It's interesting that the Catholic church is one of those institutions that, um, you know, when you're in the Catholic church, you make adult decisions in the Catholic church at a very young age, seven years old. Eight years old is when you become, when you get confirmed. And that is when they, that's, they call that the age of reason. Really?

Yeah. Seven? It's like eight, seven, eight, something like that. At age seven, a child is considered by the Roman Catholic church to have reached the age of reason and is entitled to receive communion. Some evangelical churches hold that age of seven can make independent spiritual choice. That's crazy. A seven-year-old?

A seven-year-old in some of these cases, like we're talking about this, I think one of the weird parts about Catholicism is that they allow children to make adult decisions in the sense of community. Yeah, I didn't realize that. You know, these priests are, you know, diddling the kids or whatever. I wonder if that plays into it. Yeah, like maybe they don't see them as children.

That psychological idea of, you know, because they're, you know, if you can choose to sin at that age, I think you can make a lot of other choices. So is it the case that like a six-year-old in the Catholic Church can't sin? At least I don't think it's counted against you, right? So they can perform an action, which is a sin, but it's sort of like not guilty by reason of childhood? I think so, yeah. And then seven is the age at which... Well, I think it's contingent on the communion, right? I think that you choose to do that at a certain age,

and at the age that you choose to do it, you're confirmed. Dude, you know, I have a hard time believing that they believe that so much that when they meet a seven-year-old child, because like, I mean, you just have to meet one. All you have to do is just talk to a seven-year-old. Right. And you know meeting a seven-year-old child that they don't know their ass from a hole in the ground. Talk to a fucking 13, 14, 15-year-old. Right.

These are not people. These are hardly people at this point. These are not people that are capable of making a decision about whether they want peanut butter today. It's clear that they just want to cover up. Yeah, no, I get it. You know what I mean? I'm not trying to make it seem like they get away with something like this because of it. I think that it's all wrong. I think that stepping away from, you know, when you take a look at it from the lens of

child abuse, stepping away and saying, you're letting children make decisions that you shouldn't let children make. Right. That decision to choose to be in this religion, the decision to take this symbol of the religion as a way to cleanse themselves from something that they really can't even comprehend. Right, right. The decision to confess to things that their brain is not fully formed yet even. You know what I mean?

And to confess to things that they might not even think are wrong or that may eventually, they may think are not wrong based on, you know, other traditional morals, right? So like being gay or having gay thoughts or touching themselves or, you know, all those different things that, you know, they think are wrong because they have this sort of weird Victorian idea of what sex and sexuality is. And, you know, there's a lot more harm than just like, you know, what the priests are inflicting on these kids. It's also that they're, you know, making a kid an adult at seven. Yeah. Well, you know, I think they make them an adult at seven, um, not because there's anything honest or genuine about it, but because they recognize that they recognize the inherent contradiction, the expediency required to proclaim them an adult

way before any reasonable person could look at that kid and say they're an adult. They have to say, you cannot simultaneously value free will and want your parishioners to come to you and come to Jesus and come to all this of their own free will and value that and simultaneously have this system of childhood indoctrination, right? Because those

two things are always going to be in conflict with one another. And so this seems to be the way to get around that conflict. You simply declare a child an adult long before they're an adult. Then you continue on with the indoctrination process because you're indoctrinating a child, which you know you're fucking doing. Yeah. But you've declared them to be a quasi-adult, yet you treat them like a kid

in all other respects. Sure, yeah. I mean, you wouldn't let them join the army unless they were in Africa or something. You know what I mean? But even the church treats them like kids.

You know, like, go to a Catholic school. Yeah, sure. They're not treating these kids like small adults. They're not giving them... These kids can't have a two- go to a Catholic school. Yeah, sure. They're not treating these kids like small adults. Absolutely. They're not giving them... These kids can't have

a two-martini lunch. Right. It's a one. Unless you want to diddle them. Their livers are smaller. Then it's three to four martinis and a melatonin. Half a roofie.

Melatonin! Well, I thought that the point of the church was to worship God and the boy-fucking was just incidental. No, it's just the other way around. The point of the church was to worship God and the boy fucking was just incidental. No, it's just the other way around. The point of the church is the boy fucking. All the other stuff is just busy work. This story is from KTVB.com, and it kind of relates to what we were just saying a moment ago.

Boise retired priest charged in sadistic child porn case back in jail. So this is a guy, this is a priest in Boise, Idaho. The judge quadrupled his bond. His bond is a million dollars. And from everything from this article, this dude is a straight monster. Like this dude is a, he's like, he's everything the Catholic church should be absolutely terrified to have exist and should be shitting money from its coffers at every possible moment to root out from their organization, to expose, to shun, to like, and that I think is the reason like those, I wanted to put these two stories together because the Catholic church has a history of doing exactly the opposite. Hiding them,

shuffling them around, sending them down to some other country where it's fine for them to run their hand through some kid's hair. Right? Yeah, that was fucking

creepy as shit. That dude in South America who got moved to South America who used to live here and then they show videos of him down there doing the exact same thing, touching kids on video.

Yeah, just so. So this guy, this is just, this is some of the most awful, some of the most egregious, shitty seven counts of child pornography, one count of LSD possession,

who cares? This is a guy, he's 72 years old. When they got his computer and they looked through his computer, I'm not even going to mention all the shit was on here. They said it was so awful

that the $250,000 bond the state originally recommended was not enough to ensure the public safety. They quadrupled it to a million dollars. This is a 72-year-old man that the shit on his computer was so ravagingly outrageous. Yeah. So horrifying that they said this 72-year-old man scares us.

He's a fucking priest. He's in a position of power and authority. He's like the priest Hannibal Lecter. He is. Like, they probably wheeled him out on a dolly, and he's like, love ya suit. A scary motherfucker. You know, this is exactly the kind of guy

that the church wants to make sure that his victims, you know, have a limited amount of time to come forward. I'm sorry, man. This guy's victims, how many years did a limited amount of time to come forward. I'm sorry, man. Like this guy's victims. He had, he had, how many years did he have to victimize people? Yeah.

He's 72. Yeah. How many years? Yeah. So this guy's probably had fucking 58 years to fucking victimize people. 2000 child pornography files that they took from his computer. I mean, and this is like. Extremely brutal rape and torture of children. He should be locked away forever, period.

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about the show. We want to send a big sloppy glory hole to all the patrons and people who rate us. You fucking rock. All right, this story is straight from the coach's website. This is Dave Daubenmeier. This would be coach. Da coach. Not a coach. This is from Coach Dave TV.

Coach Dave TV. Coach Dave TV, my friend. So this is just from his page. It was on one of the right-wing watch, like, quick things. We're only going to play, like, 10 seconds of Coach Dave TV, my friend. So this is just from his page. It was on one of the right-wing watch, like, quick things. We're only going to play, like, 10 seconds of Coach Dave here. And I'm probably not even going to link it in the notes. So this is all you're going to get. Don't, please don't.

Thank God Stephen Hawking's dead. Thank God. Is that not Dave? Yeah, Stephen Hawking, is that his name? Is that not Dave? Is that not Dave? Who's Dave around here? Is that Dave?

Dave Hawking. Is that his name? Stephen Dave is dead. Oh, I's Dave around here? Is that Dave? Dave Hawking. Stephen Dave is dead. Oh, I'm Dave. What I meant to say was, thank God a really smart guy is dead. Line. Line. Who's got my line? Hey, listen. I'm sorry. I hope you found the Lord, but hey,

he ain't an atheist anymore. You don't sound very sorry, Dave. Especially as he grins. You don't sound very sorry. He's grinning right now. You know, I'm sorry. I hope he found the Lord, but you're not an atheist anymore. Here's what he says next. He ain't an atheist anymore.

He didn't find the Lord. Yeah. Well, so good. I mean, I don't cry over it. I mean, I don't cry over it. Sorry. Yeah. So what he's doing here is he's laughing. Sure. Because in his mind, here's what happened in his mind. In his mind, Stephen Hawking died and went to hell,

which in his mind is a place where he will be tortured for all of time. That's it. All time. There will not be time. Like, for all of the history of of time. That's it. All time. There will not be time. Like for all of the history of possible time. For the egregious crime of not believing in God. For not stroking the ego. That's all that is, right?

That's all it is. Why would God give a shit if you believed in him? This is fucking Facebook likes. Yeah. This is like you didn't fucking heart his post yeah and so he's sending you to fuck like oh i'm gonna eternally burn you forever because i didn't get my fucking validation squeaks or whatever like are you kidding me yeah are you kidding me and what's crazy is like you say the glee you can see how

he's smiling he's happy right and it's not that he's smiling because he's dead, because being dead is not, you know, we talked about this last time. We were talking about whether or not we could rejoice when someone dies, right? We had a conversation with David Silverman. We were talking about, you know, can we be happy that someone who's awful died?

And, you know, his response was, you feel how you feel folks. And I think that's a great response, which is, you know, it's individual for all, all different people. Some people may find that very offensive. Other people may be like, fuck it. That guy was awful. Who cares? And you know, here's the thing. Maybe they think that maybe they think, you know, fuck it. That guy was awful. Who cares? And that's a valid way to think because I think that of other people too. Yeah. but what i don't think is that forever and ever and ever and ever that person is going through the worst pain and psychological torture imaginable i don't think that right but what they think is that's the truth that's what's going to happen to that person and they deserves it and they're happy about it it's a glee there's a glee

and a sort of maniacal sort of I told you so ism that's in there like you know you had every opportunity to give a fucking hand job to Jesus or whatever it would fucking take he's not anything now

he's not anything now Dave that's the thing he's not a thing anymore Yeah. It's not anything now, Dave. That's the thing. He's not a thing anymore. He was a meat bag that had some lucky electrons bouncing around in there. They created consciousness. Now he doesn't have the electrons anymore. The meat has stopped. Yeah. That's it.

It's done. It's like turning the car off, right? Like nothing is using the energy anymore. There's energy stored as chemicals. Yeah. Those chemicals are no longer being converted into energy. They're just mass. It sits. It rots. It

turns into other shit. Nothing happens. That's the whole thing. Somebody turned the fucking car off. That's it. What a fucking insecure dick God would have to be to be like, I don't know. You didn't love me the way I wanted to be loved. And I didn't

tell you I was there. I really like it when you squeeze that left ball just a little bit. Just give it a tickle. A little bit. Why do you have to ignore them entirely? That's the question. Look, that one time when you grabbed, you pulled a little bit of the skin there. That's not good.

Nobody likes that. It's just too much. There's an art to it. I'm just saying there's an art to it. Maybe learn your fucking craft. I want you to blow in my ass. That's what I want. There's an art to it. I'm just saying there's an art to it. Maybe learn your fucking craft. I want you to blow in my ass. That's what I want. I want you to blow in my ass. Preferably smoke, but I will just take regular air. Right up.

This is from Right Wing Watch. This is Tommy Lahren. Tommy Lahren? Tommy Lahren. Tommy Lahren, sorry. Liberals want to impeach Trump because he's too good at being president. Too good. Too good. That's his problem. Here's Tommy with her final thought. Maybe is she on Fox? God, I wish it was. Like it or not, President Trump has done some outstanding

things for the people of this country. Let me help you and your delusional band of impeachment hungry fools understand. Let's start with the economy. Trump pushed through a tax cut for 80 of american taxpayers and what do the democrats want to do raise taxes no shit that's what we always want to do that's like that's like not a fucking bug that's a feature like that's what we always want to do but the the the other half of that sentence is we'd like to raise taxes also everybody would get health care or like everybody gets a good education of course yeah like there's a reason

the water is drinkable there's a reason why you want to raise taxes and so that you can have government services that help the people that need help right that's why you do it you do it so that you have a safe place to live like you say that you can get healthcare or you can get know, clean drinking water or whatever it is that we're we want to raise raise taxes about.

And they also want to raise taxes on people that have more money. Like that's also what they want to do. Look at look at Trump's tax plays like inadvertently gave the biggest tax cuts to the people who don't need it. Whoopsie doodle. Whoopsie doodle. You know, I just couldn't help myself. Am I one of those people? I'm just writing it up.

I just couldn't. I just didn't know. I didn't know who I was giving it to. Hang on. Let me ask all of my wealthy, wealthy friends and family. Oh, guys, are we richer? Oh, look at that. By accident, we're richer.

Guys, I just, it was an accident on my part. I just gave you all real rich people tax cuts. I'm real sorry. I'm very sorry. Be sure to donate on my part. I just gave you all real rich people tax cuts. I'm real sorry. I'm very sorry. Be sure to donate to my campaign. If anyone needs some all the money, we have it. American paychecks are getting bigger under Trump, and they want to fix that. Seriously?

The economy has also added more than 2 million new jobs. The black unemployment rate is at just 6.9%. The second lowest ever recorded. Oh, and his... It's been going down. It's been going down for a long time. He's taken... Jobs have been adding... Yeah, he's taking credit for shit.

He's taking credit for shit he didn't do, right? It all started under Obama. Look at the shit show Obama was handed. And everybody was saying, look at... It's Obama's fault that it's like a crazy amount of percentage of fucking unemployment.

You're like, yeah, it was real bad under Bush, guys. It was getting worse. But nobody pays attention to that. I had this argument with somebody online and I was like, okay, fine. These are all positive things. I'll agree with you that these are positive

things, but you have to tie them to a specific policy if you're going to give him credit for them. Just being there is not it. And the argument basically came back with, well, people just like him. So they're spending more money or the consumer confidence is up or what have you. And it's like, you can't, first of all, there's nothing to back that up. There's no data that backs up that the consumer confidence has risen as a result of Trump's

presidency. You also like, if you're going to say that something caused something else, you have to identify what that causation. There's a piece. There's some piece that did it. You can't just be like, I don't know. They just think he has a winning smile.

That's like, okay, great. He does not have a winning smile. Hispanic unemployment rate was at just 4.9% last month, just a 10th of a percentage above a historic low. And here's the thing about new jobs, low unemployment and economic growth. They help all Americans, black, white, brown, left, right and center.

Is that the kind of accomplishment you want to impeach? Wait, nobody said they're going to impeach him because that just because you give money to a fucking charity doesn't mean you can skin a hobo. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? Like, they want to impeach him for innumerous other things but they don't they don't believe that right they think that they want to impeach that calls for impeachment are just because he's just we don't like him you know that that our side so to speak just doesn't like him and does and wishes he would win. So let's impeach him. That's that's not at all the case. Like you can't impeach somebody for that. Nobody's suggesting impeaching him just because we find him disgusting.

I can't. I haven't found a thing to impeach him yet over. Nobody has, which is why he hasn't been impeached. So I recognize that this guy who's given money to like impeach Trump or whatever, like like I I have a laundry list of reasons why I think he's a shitty president. Right. But I don't have any reason why I think he should be impeached. Not yet.

Not yet. Right. I don't think I, I'm not convinced that, that he will get through his entire presidency and I will continue to say that. Yeah. I'm not convinced of that. Right.

President Trump is also dedicated to protecting our homeland. The number of people caught trying to sneak across the Mexican border has plunged to a 46-year low. Yeah, everybody they catch, they paint cholo eyebrows on. And then they release them. It's a catch and release program. And the percentage of illegal immigrants arrested for criminal activity across the country is up to 92%. What does that even mean? I don't know what that sentence means.

What does that mean? I gotta rewind. And the percentage of illegal immigrants arrested for criminal activity across the country is up to 92%. I don't know what that means. The percentage of illegal immigrants arrested for criminal activity

is up to 92% of what? I don't understand what you're saying. It's up to 92% of what? I don't know what that means. Maybe we're just slow. Maybe we're missing a very obvious thing. If't know what that means. Maybe we're just slow. Maybe we're missing a very obvious thing. If you know what she's saying, let us know. I have a percentage of

without telling me what the percentage is of thing. Half the sentence is not. Half the sentence. She's missing part of that sentence. There's a very key figure missing from that sentence. Cecil, I think a third. Maybe half.

It could be up as much as 44%. And how about ISIS? Remember them? Well, under this commander-in-chief, they've been decimated and controlled little territory in the Middle East. They already controlled little territory in the Middle East before the president could contract it

at a fucking incredible rate. It's like they jumped in the pool and it just like went back up inside. Are you kidding me? Plus like we had relatively little to do with that at the end. That was all ground forces by people that were native to that area. Yeah. It was not our intervention. And,

and you know, a lot of the stuff that they're, that they're doing, they've been doing since Obama, the stuff that they're doing, they've been doing since Obama. The stuff that they continue to do, they've been doing. It's the same mission. Nothing has changed.

Again, it's just like you said, point to one thing that he did. Tell me the policy, the military policy he enacted. Tell you the military strategy that he came up with that changed all that. Did Donald Trump

fucking ride his tank over there with his fucking two guns shooting him? Like Dukakis in two guns commercial and despite the hysteria over president trump's tweets and his quote tone north korean rocket man kim jong-un has decided to come to the table yeah he's decided to come to the table to everybody since clinton nobody's taking him up on it because he's never been any not for a single time has he ever been, even his father too, the person who was his predecessor, he's never been sincere. You know, there's never been a sincerity, but nobody believed him when he said that

he would do anything. The isolation of North Korea has been a purposeful strategy, which has spanned many presidents. It is not that, like you said, it's not that North Korea didn't want to come talk to us. It's that we refuse to talk to them as well. Yeah. That was the strategy of isolation. Yeah.

And this is just a break in that strategy. Here's the thing. Dennis Rodman got an audience with them. Here's the thing, though. And I will 100% admit this. If there's some way to get them to, and with some way in which to check up on this, cut down on their nuclear program through talking to them, let's do it. I'm all for it.

I was all for it when Obama did it with Iran. I'm all for it now. Let's use our words. Let's use our words. Let's use our talkie voices and get it. So we don't have any blow up sounds like I'm cool with that. Like let's do that. Yeah. Right.

But to say like, he's something special because of that. I actually think that this is a, this is a really good calculated thing by Kim Jong-un because he's a buffoon. He's a silly buffoon that will do anything. He makes deals all the time. Shitty, garbage deals all the time. You gotta wonder why he wants

to come to the table, right? He wants to come to the table because he thinks he's either in a power position over Trump or he feels like he can best him in a negotiation. And in some ways, calling him to the table and getting him to sit down makes him feel like he's one of the big boys right which is why they never did it before it's exactly that's exactly why that policy of isolation has been in effect for many many

yeah for you know since clinton i know that i read somewhere that clinton was invited and clinton did send one of this chiefs of staff or something maybe it was madeline albright to talk to, I don't know if she talked to him directly or somebody over there. And there was a talk, but it was not Clinton. He sent someone else to talk to them and nothing was really, I don't think anything was really hammered out here,

but we'll see, you know, but the thing is like, I'm like, like that's not, again, it's not like, Hey man,

fucking way to fucking throw it in. Nothing but net buddy. You know, like it's a, it's not a fucking super, man, fucking way to fucking throw it in. Nothing but net, buddy. You know, like it's not a fucking super win. It's a gamble. Yeah. Unless it pays off. We can't judge him on the success of it. Is it historic?

Yes. Is it impeachable? No. No, nobody's saying impeach him for that. You know, there's a lot of reasons he's a shitty president. I wrote some of these down. I want to read because, you know, we forget him. We forget why he's a shitty president, right? There's so many things that happen. So possible payout to a porn star that's recent. Yes. Inappropriate

contact with the Russian government. Maybe not him, but certainly many people in his cabinet have had inappropriate contact, not just with Russian government, but also Russian oligarchs and, you know, lots of different lots of different contacts in a foreign government. Pardoning Joe Arpaio, having a physical abuser on staff that he has to let go because the physical abuse came out. Right. Saying that there were good people on the side of the white supremacists. That's a bad one.

That doesn't sound good. When you say that appointing buffoons to major public office and judiciary positions. And, and not just like one or two either. We're talking about, I mean, watch the,

it's an army of watch a few minutes of the Betsy DeVos debacle on 60 minutes, 60 minutes. It'll be a waste of a half an hour. It'll be a waste of a half an hour. As Betsy DeVos said. You know, and then, you know, just Rick Perry anywhere he's put. Scott Pruitt.

Ben Carson. Just, it's a dipshit parade. And then the guys who backed off that were going to be in the you know, put into the judicial positions that were like, I don't know what a gavel is. Like, are you fucking kidding me? I brought my barrister's wig. Okay. All right. That's not kidding me? I brought my barrister's wig.

Okay. All right. That's not for me. I'm running around in my dress. Fucking nutty people. Trump blaming illegal voters for the swing in the presidential election and then eventually dissolving

the committee that was looking into it because it was a giant lie. Don't let, we just forgot about that now. Disclosing classified information to just random people like that he would meet and like other leaders, he would just be like, yeah. At one point they said he said something to Putin that was like disclosed classified information. That's not fair.

Cecil, that's not fair because he did preface it with, can you keep a secret? Hey buddy, check yes or no. Do you like me, Putin? information. That's not fair. Cecil, that's not fair because he did preface it with, can you keep a secret? Check yes or no. Do you like me, Peyton? He did it in one of those little paper handy things. One of those paper things, those little pyramids that you have to flip around. Yeah. He's like, ooh, my wife's going to have blonde hair.

He's got basically security clearance duck duck goose going on at the fucking... You got security. No know you gotta you know you gotta you know and then the final one does puerto rico have power yet okay those all sound bad because they are but it has been only a year so you have to give him more time think of all the other things that could be horrible that he'll do he i mean he also stripped also stripped us of massive amounts of environmental protections and regulations. I'm not even touching any of the executive orders he put in place to remove. So what's hilarious is that you're not actually touching on what he did governmentally as a leader.

I'm talking about the scandals that he was in. It's incredible. I'm not even talking about any of the executive orders. All the shit he rolled back with Obama, plus all the new stuff he put in, the removing of the

Johnson Amendment, the, you know, all the stuff that he did when he wound up rolling back environmental stuff, putting, like, I did say putting Pruitt,

but still, you know, that's just only half the equation. Oh, yeah, for sure. You know? So he's just been an awful president. Trump's done all this and more. Oh yeah, for sure. You know, so he's just been an awful president. Trump's done all this and more with virtually no help from Democrats.

Yeah, that's how our government works now, sweetheart. It's always been the case. And look, look at the entirety of the Obama presidency. Yep. Nothing. It was just obstructionist garbage. And we're not even in power. And you want to impeach him?

For what? Keeping his promises? Your little activist groups are shelling out millions to stop a president who is winning. And you can't even give us one solid and honest reason why. Have you instead thought of donating your millions to causes you say you believe in instead of wasting it on a campaign to destroy a president you're simply jealous of? It's very obvious you're not afraid Trump is a bad president. You're afraid because he's too good. Oh my God, he's too good and people are going to be happier and wealthier. Stop that right away. You said nobody. You got me, Trailer Park Barbie. You got me.

You are watching the beginning and the birth of the new world order and you want to call me crazy go to hell call me crazy all you want just stories from right wing watch right wing pastor says removal of confederate monuments is spiritual preparation for the coming of the antichrist. This is going to be amazing. This is Sheila Zielinski again. Maybe she's on here. No, no, no. It's Pastor Randy Rishi of the Christ Outreach Church on Sheila Zielinski's show.

Forgive me. We had a president of the United States that a while ago. The president of the United States a while ago. He went and got it. He go get it. That's what he do. He get it. A black committed a sin, a sexual sin in the White House. Hey, fuck Stormy Daniels

right there. Oh, wait, we're talking about a different one. That's not it, right? That's a different one. He put it right in her oval orifice. He gave it right to that Stormy Daniels. It was a dark and stormy night up in there. Everybody knew he did it. The evidence was overwhelming when he did it. It was a dark and stormy night up in there. Everybody knew he did it. The evidence was overwhelming that he did it. It was proven he lied to Congress.

So the House of Representatives, I'm talking about the man that was married to the woman that didn't win. Thank you. Just say their names. Their name's Voldemort. I can't say her name. She's she who will not be named. In the name of jesus and when he went to court in the senate they did not impeach him and i'm telling you they didn't impeach him because

the senate is full of masons and there's no way they're going to impeach a brother mason oh my god that was amazing the senate is full of masons and they're not going to impeach a brother well we would do it but oh my god the spaghetti dinner will be awkward if we impeach and they're not going to impeach a brother. Well, we would do it, but the spaghetti dinner will be awkward if we impeach him. They're all sitting there with their fucking like with their fucking Shriners hats on and be like, and they're like trying to vote all discreetly.

Like what? I, you could just count all the votes of the Shriner hats in here. They're all driving around a little Shriner cars. They're holding a telethon on the fucking floor of the Senate

the problem is we got seven of those little cars if we impeach them we don't have anyone to drive I mean if we got that parade next week it'd be weird Bill rolls up his arm he's got a compass tattoo on his biceps give me a fucking break I remember hearing that same story tattoo on his biceps. Give me a fucking break. I remember,

I remember hearing that same story. It's like, well, you know, if you take a look, it's like 41 of the presidents have all been Masons. And it's like, yeah, okay,

well, even if that were true, it's like, it's not surprising that like powerful people join the powerful people club. Yeah. It doesn't, it wouldn't even mean, and I don't even know if that's true

but like it still wouldn't mean anything right because it's like it's like like i think about like like a small tiny world example of like where i work like where i work like at a certain level everybody goes to these certain events right they go to these certain like charity balls and like what have you the charity ball didn't make these people powerful. They were powerful and then they went to the same event together. It's like joining a country club. It's like a chicken and egg thing. It's like, you know, yeah. Like the fucking

Masons. Give me a fucking break on that Illuminati shit. It's amazing. Listen, church, it won't be long that the Antichrist will be on the scene. Even the ridiculous tearing down of all these statues. I mean, I looked at that and the reasons behind it.

There's the ignorance of history amongst other things. I hate ignorance. Of all the things I hate, Cecil, one of my most hate-ified is ignorance. Ah, dislike ignorance. Ignorance is my most unpleasantest thing that I hate. I hate a lot of real bad

things, but ignorance is awesome. It's like he's got a cat whisker he's tuning. And he's like, crambo. That joke is so... I know. That's a Tom and Jerry joke. The best part about that is that there's really old people in the audience are totally going to get the Tom and Jerry reference.

And everybody else that never watched Tom and Jerry are going to be like, what, man? I grew up on YouTube videos. They're going to look at it. They're going to YouTube. First of all, they're going to find it. Make a Logan Paul joke. The fuck, man. They're going to look it up and be like, that's racist.

Fucking racist, bro. My favorite is the one where the duck thinks that, uh, thinks that Tom is his mom. And he keeps on, he keeps on like, like Tom keeps trying to cook the duck. And each time the duck is like, Oh mom,

you know? And it's like, but the duck, Oh, I remember this one. I think it keeps coming out of the skillet. And then finally he sees the cookbook and he says, if my mommy wants a duck dinner,

my mommy's going to get a duck dinner. Then he walks into the soup to die. And Tom's like, no! Runs in and grabs him. And then it's awesome. I remember seeing that when I was a kid. I thought it was amazing.

I was like, that's the best. I love those. Because my parents didn't love me. And I thought, man, it would be amazing if my parents loved me. My parents did love me. My mother cooked my father. He was a little grisly after she abandoned me.

But listen to me. The reason they're tearing them down is a precursor. When the Antichrist comes to power, there ain't gonna be any statue of anybody but him. There's no statue? There's no statue of anybody but him. Wait. Is it North Korea? How is that

different than North Korea? We already have that. We literally already have that. I love the idea that you're just gonna forget that something happened because there's not a statue for it. There's a statue right now. When I work out with my gym, sometimes we run and go do

workouts outside. We'll do calm outdoor boot camps. We'll run away and go do this thing and come back. When we're running, we run by this statue and I've run by it I don't know, 70 times and I have no idea what, I don't know, 70 times. And I have no idea what it is.

It's a dude on a horse with his fucking cavalry saber. And his horse is doing a thing. And I have run up that hill and down that hill 200 times to do something in our outdoor boot camp. And I have no fucking idea what that statue is. No idea whatsoever. If they took that statue away tomorrow, I still wouldn't know what it was. It's not that I don't know history. It's that I don't

care what the statue is of. I don't think I've ever been like, man, that statue is really edifying. Yeah. That statue is so necessary. I remember another time I was out at Starved Rock.

And Starved Rock, if you don't know, in Illinois, Illinois is the flattest, lamest state in the history of states. I think Nebraska's worse. But once you get to Starved Rock area, there's like a gorge. And so we made

a park. We were super excited. It was a small divot. Oh my god, a divot, guys. And so there's like a couple of cliffs and things and whatnot. And I remember walking over by Starved Rock and there's a thing that's... I can't remember if it was a bench or a fucking railing

or something. Something dedicated, right? And it was dedicated to a bunch of women. A bunch of women had it built, but they were all Mrs. Joe so-and-so, Mrs. Bill Francis, Mrs. And so I didn't know any of their names. I just knew all their husbands' names. And I was just like,

that's the shittiest monument I've ever seen in my entire, because they're all just Mrs. So-and-so. Yeah, it's Mrs. The Guy. By the way, when Jesus comes to power, when Jesus comes, and he comes in the millennium, there won't be He's going to come in the millennium? I know.

I mean, I highly recommend it. It's fine. It's fine. She's on the inserts. So she's good. The foam inserts. There's on the inserts. So she's good. The foam inserts. There is monogamous. Something's going to leak out afterwards, no matter what. That's standard.

It pours right out as stigmata. Any statues to anything. But on the way to that place. Wait, there's no. Okay, so when Jesus comes back, there's no statues to anything. No, I thought there were statues, but only of the Antichrist. No, he says when Jesus comes... Because there won't be any statues to anything.

But on the way to that place, listen, because there is but one hero, it's Jesus, and he doesn't want us to have a symbol to look at. He is it. Okay, wait, wait, wait. A moment ago, he said that there were going to be no statues except for the Antichrist statues. And then he said when Jesus comes back, he's going to take away all the statues because Jesus

doesn't like statues because statues are basically idolization. Why don't we just get rid of them all now? Right? Why not skip the middleman of the Antichrist to get rid of all the statues? If the guy you purport will send you to hell forever doesn't like them,

don't you think maybe you should be on the side of the people who would get rid of them? Yeah, right. It's like, first you're going to eat shit, then you're going to have ice cream. Like, can I just have the ice cream and we'll skip the eating shit part? When you were talking about the horse statue, it occurred to me that like every single horse statue I've ever seen, I've never

looked at because I just think to myself, oh, horse statue. Because they're all the same statue. I'm just myself, oh, horse statue. Because they're all the same statue. I'm just like, oh, horse soldier guy. Hillary Clinton is a Christ-hater. The people in power in Washington are Christ-haters. I don't care what kind of lip service they give to Christianity. They're Christ-haters.

This starts from Right Wing Watch. Rick Wiles suggests Hillary Clinton was behind recent poisoning of Russian spies. So here we go. This is Rick Wiles on True News. So this Russian spy, who was also a double agent for MI6. Yes, that's correct. All right. So he worked for MI6, London's Great Britain spy agency, where Christopher Steele worked.

So this double agent gets poisoned last week. Immediately, the news media in London and New York and Washington blames Vladimir Putin. It wasn't just them. It was a lot of different people blame Vladimir Putin. It turns out today, the UN ambassador for the United States blamed Vladimir Putin. So weird. Also, that government has a history of poisoning people. Weird, too.

Didn't Tillerson not count that out? Isn't that one of the reasons why Tillerson was like, maybe let go? Maybe. Maybe. We don't know. It could be any reason, but almost certainly that one. Nobody can read behind the tweet. But we suspect that maybe that's why.

Can you imagine if that's how you... That's how I want to get fired, by the way. I want to get fired. I want to know that I'm fired. I just want my boss to tweet out that I'm going to get fired. You'd never check it. Well, that's how I want to know. I want to show up and be like, and they'd be like, we fired you like a week ago. You're like that guy from Office Space who just

keeps getting paid. I'll burn the place down. There was a guy that I worked with back at Circuit City when I was in college, a guy that I worked with who walked into work and he went to log in to the DPS system. Oh, shit, for real? And his login didn't work. But it happened from time to time because the systems would just go down and get crazy or whatever. So he worked the whole day.

Oh no. And at the end of the day, one of the managers, some, it was like, why are you here? And he's like, I had a shift.

Like I just was working. And he's like, we were let you, we let you go. Didn't anybody tell you? And he's like, well, that's no,

nobody told me. So the fucker works the whole day fired. Cause everybody forgot to tell him that he was fucking fired. They worked the whole day. They remember to delete him from the computer system, but not, you know, tell him he was fired. Fuck you. That guy. I'll tell you what.

That sounds just like how the White House runs. Actually, to be perfectly honest, that sounds just like how the White House runs. Actually, to be perfectly honest, that sounds just like how the White House runs. They had a wall of, there's an image Rachel Maddow posted of all the different people that have been let go from his presidency. Can you make one of those like tile art things out of it where it's just like you squint at it. It's really just like images of faces that make up like the London Bridge or something, you know? All right. So here are the Trump administration departures. Are you guys ready? Secretary of Health and Human Services, White House Chief of Staff, Deputy White House Chief of Staff, another Deputy White House Chief of Staff, yet another Deputy White House Chief of

Staff, Senior Advisor to the White House Chief of staff, yet another deputy White House chief of staff, senior advisor to the White House chief of staff, national security advisor, deputy national security advisor, another deputy national security advisor, intelligence director of the National Security Council, Middle East director of the National Security Council, director of strategic planning of the National Security Council, deputy chief of staff of the National Security Council, chief White House strategist, White House strategist who basically just went on TV a lot, director of public, what does that say? Liaison, director of public liaison for the White House. Is that what that says?

Let's go with that. Communications director for the Office of Public Liaison, FBI director, deputy director of the FBI, chief of staff of the FBI, special advisor to the president on regulatory reform, director of the Office of Government Ethics, Counselor to the Treasury Secretary, Director of the National Security Agency, Deputy Directory of the National Security Agency, Deputy Director of the Domestic Policy Council, Vice President's Chief of Staff,

Vice President's Wife's Chief of Staff, Vice President's Press Secretary, Vice President's Chief Counsel, Vice President's Chief Policy Advisor, Head of the Centers for Disease Control, White House Staff Secretary, White House Speechwriter, Acting Administrator of Federal Railroad Administration,

Associate Attorney General, Press Secretary, Assistant Press Secretary, White House Director of Rapid Response, Communications Director, another Communications Director, yet another Communications Director, Deputy Communications Director, Deputy Secretary of Homeland Security, really? Deputy Secretary of Homeland Security, special representative for north korea policy assistant to the president in the office of american innovation senior advisor to the defense secretary u.s ambassador to mexico deputy director of the national economic council and white house chief economic advisor and more too because uh tillerson was the secretary of state and also the nasa administrator yesterday stepped down robert lightfoot um was the NASA administrator yesterday stepped down.

Robert Lightfoot was the acting administrator. He retired because Trump's nominee got stalled and he just retired. But there's a couple missing from that list, right? Poisoning him. Right. Putin got another guy. Poison another person in London, all right? And that's why I just... I think it. Cause you have to say another,

cause like you said, he's got a history of this. Like, I feel like if you're a guy who gets poisoned and you're a guy who does poisoning, the first guy you look at for who may be poisoned, the new, the guy who poisons people,

it's like standing there with a fucking gun with actual smoke rising from it. And people are being like, was it that guy? Is that Shooty McGee? Is that who did it? I said, well, you were going to find out this guy is connected to the dossier. And not but just a couple days later. It comes out that they're

connected. Okay, so maybe the Russians didn't poison him. Maybe somebody connected to the Clintons poisoned him. What? I don't understand that. Why would they do that? They have nothing to gain by doing that.

Why would they do that? They poison him and then and then and then what? What do they have to gain she lost guys yeah look everybody pay attention listen i'm only gonna say it a hundred thousand more times because you're fucking stupid you don't understand the clintons are not in power hillary lost barack obama not in power he served his terms it's over they are They are not controlled. They are gone now.

You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers. I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. All right, this story is from Right Wing Watch. Pat Holiday, Hillary Clinton is the head of witchcraft in the world. People became enraged to know that the babies of America were being sold on the market. This is the same lady who would say in the corner, which I love this lady so much. This lady is going to be amazing. And so what happened was that people began to work against Planned Parenthood. It came totally up.

She just gave up. It's just a plan. We're going to plan for that parent. Hey, we got a plan for you. Don't have fucking kids. That's the plan. It's just one person getting all the abortions. I'm exhausted over here.

Can somebody else take a turn? Damn, that thing is cold. My uterus is on fire in here. I'm sick of being vacuumed out by us. I'm like a test carpet for Dyson at this point. Turn off the Wumba. People are dropping fucking cigarette ashes on me, rubbing mud in me, and they just keep vacuuming me out here.

Uncovered. Hillary Clinton was so dumb and stupid and so spiritually blinded by her witchcraft powers, which I think that she is the top witch of the whole world. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hold on. I have so many questions. So many questions. I think you have to kill the witch ahead of you to become the top witch.

I want to know how that grading system works. I think the top witch is the very top part of the Dagwood. That's the top witch. And you can pull that off and eat that separate, or you could just stack it on with the rest of the witch. Is that like a club sandwich? It's a big fucking club sandwich. Hell yeah.

It's got like a half a turkey in it. This is the top witch, damn it. We don't fuck around with the top witch. She is like, there's corner witches, there's top witches. She's got the whole area covered. She's like fucking tic-tac-toe of witches. Fucking A. cover. She's like fucking tic-tac-toe of witches. Fucking A.

I think that she is that woman on the back of the of the woman riding on on the Keep going. We're going to listen to that one again. She is the woman on the back

of the Okay, let's start it up. I think that she is that woman on the back of the... Okay, let's start it off. I think that she is that woman on the back of the woman riding on the... United Nations.

She never finished that sentence. She never finished that sentence. She is the... I gotta hear it again. The very best part of live radio, ladies and gentlemen, is listening to this woman's brain break. She is on the

United Nations. It's that woman that's writing the United Nations. Do you want Jell-O or the Fruit Cup? Which do you want with your... Aunt Betty, what do you want with your lunch from the cafeteria? Which one?

Which one do you want? The Fruit Cup? He interrupts her with even more confusing gibberish. No, Aunt Betty, you don't work at the bank anymore. Eggs. Beast over there? It's a big statue? Yeah.

I know the one you're talking about, right. Yeah. Could be. She's the one. She is the head of witchcraft in the world. And what a lot of people don't understand is women

in witchcraft are more powerful than men. I think she's saying that because it's like, we should be more afraid of Hillary Clinton because her magic will be more as if somebody out there believes in magic, right? As if there's somebody at any place in the world who believes in fucking magic and isn't a child. And it's like, oh yeah, but I mean, at least it's not man magic. No, bitch

magic is worse. You're like, oh! In Africa, for instance. Lord, don't let me stray down too many avenues tonight. Oh gosh, thank goodness you're calling me. I'd hate to go off on a tangent. Thank goodness you're reigning yourself in there. But in Africa, writing the book,

Which Doctor and the Man City Under the Sea that I wrote. And the Man City Under the Sea? Is that a real book? It sounds like a weird porn title. Is that a real book? There's a man city under the sea. Come to my man city under the sea come to my man city and the man city under the sea under the sea oh god this is amazing

and it's by pet holiday it's by the lady who's speaking right now And it's by Pat Holliday. It's by the lady who's speaking right now. Can I read the synopsis? Oh, my God. Bishop Samuel Vagaless-Kankau's testimony is more than just the biography of a man or a sea or an examination of his preaching. The witch doctor and the man,

city under the sea, penetrates deeply. Is this not a porn? See, witch doctor and the man, and there's a semicolon there. Right. And in the porn, it's actually fully in the colon. Penetrates deeply to the very essence of Bishop

Kanko's life. It doesn't, and then it penetrates deeply, and then it doesn't, and then, you know how it works. Witnessing the power of the Holy Spirit's anointing in his life and work, you will find this book fascinating and empowering with what the fuck as a young man and gone a bag of last canko yeah that guy sounds like the dragon he sounds like somebody from blade runner that's a dragon's name oh yeah oh yeah or he's from game of thrones it's you know he's one of the he's one of the guys a man of many faces or whatever.

Wait a minute, because the next sentence just makes it. Was a high-level wizard in his tribe. Yeah. Fortunately, Jesus Christ intervened to rescue him from the kingdom of darkness shortly before he inherited from his father the position of fourth-generation witch doctor. Be careful. That's an inherited position? Yeah, fourth generation. Oh, I'm going to leave you witch doctor. It's not some little

third generation. It's like when you go to your dad's house, you put like a colored sticker on all the things that you want when he dies. And it's like, oh, I put a yellow sticker on your witch doctor.

She's like, you walk up to daddy like, can you get up? And you put it on his chair. Okay. All right. That would be weird. It was weirder when I put it on his gold fillings. I'm done with this. We should read this though for the show.

We want to thank our newest patrons. Of course, we want to thank all our patrons. We want to thank our newest patrons. Of course, we want to thank all our patrons. We want to thank our newest patrons, Michaela, Carl Segan, Phil, fat-ass, fat atheist gay guy, Catherine, Stephen, the Nope Train Express, and Mason.

So we had some dreams that were sent to us, Tom. How exciting is this? I had a dream I want to tell you about. Oh, for fuck's sake. So I had a dream, and you were in it. I'm so bored.

I'm so bored. You were moving to Northern Ohio, and it's a nightmare for you. Not for me, but it's a nightmare for you, clearly. And I remember I was visiting you there, and I went in. I had something on my hand. I went in to use your bathroom

and there was a bar of soap. And on the other side of the bar of soap was like these brushes that were coming out of it. So you could brush your hand off. So I was using it to brush my hand. And you came and you said, what are you doing? That's for my teeth.

I said, oh, sorry. And then I looked and there was a wasp in the, in the soap dish. And on the end of this soap thing, there was like a, you know, like the tooth thing that you use the, the poker tooth thing that you have on the end of all this flossers was on

there. And so I took it and I poked the, the, the wasp and it's back. I don't know what you call that, abdomen, cephalothorax, whatever the fucking thing in the back is. It started expanding and

growing and it was almost like a balloon that was shaking out. You know when you blow your hair on a balloon and it was getting really big and I kept poking and it kept getting bigger and bigger. Well, stop poking my toothbrush wasp. And then I woke up. So that was my dream I had.

Did that actually happen? It totally happened. You had that dream? It absolutely happened. Why did you bore me with your stupid fucking dream? Guys, let me tell you another dream I had. I hate dreams so much I don't even like Martin Luther King's dreams.

So did the guy who shot him. I don't hate him that much. He's trying to yell about something. That's funny. So we had a bunch of people send in dreams, Tom. I'm good at interpreting. Several dreams to interpret. Tom, the first dream.

I had a dream where I was being chased by some menace that I believe to be military police. At some point, I, they caught up with up to me. That doesn't make any sense and tackled me to the ground and it held me down. One of them took out a knife and started carving a word on the back of my neck. The word was happiness. Okay, easy. That is an Alex Jones rape fantasy. Thank you. That's what it is. Thank you for what it is.

I got that one. All right, next. I'm very good at this. The next one, this one, and the previous one came from, this was from Twitter, at nfantterrible.

nfantterrible. I don't know if that's right. This one is from at awesome Canada. All right. So I had a doozy of a dream last night after scoring some weed at my old high school. That wasn't really my old high school. I had that dream all the time. I was walking home in the snow.

Had that dream all the time. When the night sky filled with spinning UFOs, this is different. All alight and humming methodically. Some celestial beings transported down and we went sledding down a hill. One of the beings in human female form got badly injured from sliding into a tree. That's what you get.

We took her to my old church basement where a preteen dance party was underway, where she changed into her true form, a two-headed octopus creature. That is weird. Then I woke. All right, Tom. All right. This dream is about your mother. You want to fuck your mother. You need help.

Okay. You need a lot of help. That's not a good dream to have. Call someone. Next one is from David. I once dreamt about two breadsticks after eating breadsticks, and two breadsticks is 11, so I pretty much predicted September 11th. Sorry.

I would have warned you guys, but it happened in 2010. Okay, that's easy. That is also an Alex Jones rape fantasy. Yeah. Just name your rape fantasy loose change. Well, thanks for sending in your dreams, everybody. Tom enjoyed it. You can keep sending your dreams directly to Tom. Well, thanks for sending in your dreams, everybody. Tom enjoyed it.

You can keep sending your dreams directly to Tom. Oh, my God. Tom loves to read all of your dreams. Why are you saying that? None of that's true that you're saying.

Tom interprets them. I mean, he went out of his way to interpret these. I did a very good job. That is free psychological counseling. He will make sure to do it every time. No, we don't need to do that.

So we got a message from Dan and Dan says, uh, he says, listen to that old lady, which we just played again. Yep. Um, and her underground city got me thinking,

if you guys will do that story, what stories are just too stupid for you to cover? Sometimes stories are just fun to cover. Yeah. Like that lady's fun to cover. I don't know that that lady's influencing a lot of people. Yeah. But to be fair, neither is coach day. Yeah. I don't know that that lady's influencing a lot of people. Yeah. But to be fair, neither is coach day.

Yeah. I don't think coach Dave is either. Um, the difference between coach Dave and her though, I think is like, I don't know that anybody really believes what that old lady saying. She's just kind of kooky. But I think like people do believe what coach Dave says or some variation.

There's some variation on what coach Dave says. the thing, the other thing too is like, that lady is talking about crazy shit like witchcraft and fucking there's a witch on a fucking coast and all that stuff. The shit she's saying is no crazier than anything in the Bible. Like, none of that shit

is less crazy. No, I mean like, we didn't cover it this week, but I was listening to the radio and I found a news story. We almost covered it. You know, in India, two women were killed for being witches. Last week in India. We're still there.

The world still believes in witches. People are losing their lives for magic that isn't real. I don't think that that lady's influenced a lot of people and I also think she's kind of nutty. I think it's fun to cover her because she's just kind of gets lost in her own thoughts. I think it's, I agree with you.

Yeah, you know, there's nothing to that story, but it's just fun for us to cover. That's all. We got an awesome image from Natalie. It's a Jim Baker image. We're going to post it on this week's show notes. Check it out. It's episode 405. We got

a video. This one is from Super Deluxe. Phil sent this to us. It's an Alex Jones remix with him just telling you what he is. Basically, it's I'm a this, I'm a that, I'm a this. It's hilarious. It's super great. Super Deluxe does some great stuff. Check it out. It's on this week's

show notes. We got an image from Aaron. Holy shit. It's a super mean image of Sarah Huckabee Sanders. It is super mean. It is not nice. But it is on this week's show notes. You can check it out there.

This was my favorite dream we got. This was from Advice Troll. It says, since Tom was eager to hear about dreams, here's one I had. It's short and sweet. I dreamt whether or not it was safe to use an unpatched Linux toilet.

That's awesome. He's let me explain that to me for like five minutes before the show. It was very funny. It made me laugh. We got a message from Dennis from like five minutes before the show. It was very funny. It made me laugh. We got a message from Dennis from Denmark. He found the show and he's been listening for about two months.

He's about 140 episodes in. Wow. My goodness. Dennis, thanks for listening. Welcome, Dennis. And I'm real sorry you had to sit through all that. We got a great image about daylight savings time Aaron sent. We're going to post it on this week's show.

It's hilarious. Shane sent in an image of us. This is an image said he was bored at work and he started making a digital painting of what we might look like in the South Park universe. I think this is awesome. He made a little image of both of us in the South Park universe. So we're putting it on this week's show notes.

Thanks for sending it in, Shane. That's awesome. We got another. This is a third image, but it's so good. We want to put it on. It's a Putin image. It's going to be on this week's show notes. Aaron sent it in. Really great stuff. So I wanted to mention that I will be at the American Atheist Convention coming up at the end of the month in Oklahoma City. I'll be there for all three days.

I'll be coming in on Thursday night, and I'll be there until Monday, early, early, early Monday morning that I'm leaving. But I'll be there for the whole time. I will be there, hopefully, hanging out with some of the other people. I know Puzzle and Thunderstorm guys are going. I think Thomas Smith is going to be there. And there's a bunch of other people that are going to be showing up. There's a ton of people on the

bill that are just, you know, like super big names. It looks like a great event. So it should be a lot of fun. I'm going to head down there. So if you want to say hi, if you're going to be in the area, if you're going to be there, let me know via Twitter. I should be checking Twitter all weekend and also posting and posting pictures and whatnot. So, so come find me while I'm down there and we'll get a photo hangout. Maybe I'll buy you a beer, especially if we hang out in the bar or something.

Well, that's going to wrap it up for this week. We'll be back next week. But before we leave, we're going to leave you like we always do with the skeptics creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo quasi alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment.

Leo Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques, and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands.

Bloody. Evidential. Conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and information provided on this podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. All opinions are solely that of Glory Hole Studios LLC. Cognitive dissonance makes no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information and will not be liable for any errors, damages, or butthurt arising from consumption. All information is provided on an as-is basis. No refunds.

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