Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 408: Yakov the Ant
Episode Date: April 9, 2018Stories from the week        ...
Transcript
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to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Hey guys, I always thought if I called you,
it would be to say something really rude and crude. So that was my ultimate goal today. But
I have to tell you, after listening
to your episode with Johan, as a guy that suffers from amazing depression and it's hard to get out
of bed every morning and I have no plans past the upcoming week just because, I got to tell you,
that helped so much. That was amazing. Nobody puts out stuff like you do. Thank you so much.
Lori Hall, motherfuckers.
Hi, Cecil.
Hi, Tom.
I'm so glad you had the guy on who wrote Tiny Fingers.
I'm going to try to get the book from my library.
I'm a librarian.
And I also have kind of a cool story.
When I was in college, I dated the great-grandson of Garrett Morgan.
And we went out for maybe two years, so I guess kind of a long time.
And he was an artist, a sculptor, and a really cool guy.
And I actually kind of miss him.
So it was really cool to hear about his great-grandfather.
And just very awesome.
So you guys, keep it up.
Be awesome.
And glory hole, motherfuckers.
Hey, guys.
Thanks for having Johan Hari on your last episode.
I listened to his previous book, Chasing the Scream,
and I really did appreciate a lot of how he started
from a perspective of why, as opposed to how shall we condemn these people. And I'm really
glad that he's tackling a topic that is a big problem for me and a lot of people that I know.
And I'm really looking forward to the book. So if he writes anything else,
please have him on the show. And if you guys have the ability to push anything else
like this, let's take a real hard skeptics look at how we're dealing with current problems and
hardline solutions to solve them. Like seriously, we need to be pushing this information and data
a hell of a lot harder than we currently are. So I love you. Glory to all.
Hey, time and people. This is Natalie.
I'm calling from about a mile outside of Baltimore city.
And I just want to say that we can go and root can go get a big old bag of
debt because Baltimore is actually kind of a right wing paradise.
I mean, it's got free market.
There's tons of segregation.
He's got storefront churches all over the place.
And tons of guns.
So I don't know what the fuck his problem is.
Yeah, that's about it.
Glory Hall.
Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended.
The explicit tag is there for a reason. I feel a certain kind of pressure right now.
We got this new microphone.
New microphone.
I got to do my vocal warm up.
Like, what is the... That's weird.
Will you shake your throat?
You're grabbing your turkey waddle.
That's your chicken skin
and you give it a fwibble.
Your turkey beard.
And you give it a loose skin
shake. Look, I'm 40. There's a lot of loose
skin. I have a lot of loose skin shake.
I'm basically just a skin tag with arms.
It never gets very taut.
It's always a loose skin.
I'm like an old trampoline jumped on only by fat people.
That's just like sagging and shitty.
Big tear in my side.
You'll lose your foot in there.
Some kid just breaks his arm trying to play near me.
Oh, gosh.
I just, you know, all right.
So this is a new microphone.
Let's give it hell.
You ready?
Just rock it, Tom.
Recording live from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago.
How's it sound?
It sounds okay.
This is Cognitive Dissonance.
It'd sound better if I was doing it.
Well, you're welcome to give it hell, big guy.
Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way.
We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence.
Too many topics that makes it news.
Makes it the news?
It was close.
Fuck it.
Makes it big or makes us mad.
It's the microphone. It was close. Fuck it. Makes it big or makes us mad. It's the microphone.
It's skeptical.
It's political.
And there is no welcome at.
This is episode 408 of Cognitive Dissonance.
And we have a controversial issue to talk about.
Well, we talked about.
Specifically episode 407.
We got a lot of email about 407. We got a lot. We got a lot of email about 407.
We got a lot of messages about 407.
Voicemails about 407.
We had Johan Hari on last time.
And I was actually contacted by,
right after the episode released,
a skeptic I actually admire.
Michael Marshall sent me a message.
And who did you admire? Was there another guy? Of the skeptics. Andy Wilson? Of the skeptics. No. episode released a skeptic i actually admire like uh michael marshall sent me a message but and who
did you admire oh was there another guy of this of the skeptics of this no god no oh my god yeah
he already contacted one person this year andy wilson time isn't up andy wilson will get to the
episode sometime next year no but uh but marsh contacted me and said, hey, just so you know,
Johan's a little controversial.
And there was somebody
who wrote an article about it.
And a bunch of people
sort of sent this article to us.
And the article basically says,
look, and if you read this article,
this is, I'm going to summarize the article.
The article says, look,
one, I only read a portion of the book.
I didn't read the whole book.
Two, I don't totally disagree with what Johan says.
I just disagree with the way in which he's portraying the entirety of sort of the psychiatric
field.
It makes it sound like what he's saying is that nobody is looking into these environmental
factors and the other factors, and also nobody is looking into alternative treatments to
antidepressants.
And the person who wrote this article strongly disagrees with that. They don't agree with that
stance. They don't think that Hari is taking a stance that is true to the medical profession,
true to the medical field. And I don't know anything about psychiatric treatment. So I
don't know whether that's true or not true.
What I do know is, and what I want to tell the audience is,
is don't get your medical advice from a book.
Or a podcast.
Period.
End of story.
Yeah.
What you want to do, if this book inspires you, right?
Like you pick this book up, you read it and you think,
you know, there's some really interesting ideas in here.
And then you go and talk to your doctor about it. I think that's know, there's some really interesting ideas in here. And then you
go and talk to your doctor about it. I think that's probably a good thing, right? To start a
new conversation with your doctor and say, hey, you know, maybe we haven't explored these things.
And your doctor then talks to you about whether or not those things would work for you. That's a
great conversation to have. And I think everybody would want to encourage that conversation to
happen. Right. What I don't want people to do is to think that they could pick this book up and cure their depression.
I don't want people to think, and we pressured Hari initially very, very much about making sure to say that
getting off your meds is not an answer, period.
Never think that that's an answer without consulting your doctor.
That's not our answer or anyone that we're going to have on the show to give you advice, right?
Exactly.
If that's an answer for you, it's an answer for you and your doctor. Yeah. It's not an answer.
Certainly not an answer for you and an author of a book to have. One of the things I was thinking
about too is like, you know, depression is something that doctors are constantly screening
for. I don't know about you, Tom, but every time I go to the doctor here,
they ask me the same five questions before they do anything to me every single time. And it's,
have you had any thoughts, suicidal thoughts recently? Have you been depressed in the last
30 days? You know, it's like these five questions that they ask. They always ask me about my
drinking every single time. Well, that's because you come in drunk.
Okay.
The doctor is scary.
And it's the only way I can deal with the emotion.
That's my decision.
Leave me alone.
Let's move on.
But in any case, I mean, I don't know.
Do you deal with it?
Is that something that happens?
I'm trying to remember. You know, I will say the last time I went, they asked me if I felt safe at home for real.
So there are always questions, right? That they
they're sort of screening for. But for
me, it's always been depression.
And so at least at the current place
that I'm going to. Maybe if you smiled when you went in once
in a while. It might be that the
current UIC place that
I go to. Yeah. That's
their protocol, right? They say
we're going to screen for depression because we feel like
people that are depressed might be
slipping through the cracks. To be fair, I did
a semester at UIC and it was fucking
depressing. So I don't
like if I worked there, I'd be like,
we should just get this out of the way.
Screen for depression.
That's certainly the case. But I wanted to say
a couple of things. One is
be sure to don't
just take, you know,
don't look at Johan Hari as somebody who you're going to,
is going to like change your life with a book.
Talk to your doctor if you're having problems,
you know,
the doctor,
like I say,
my doctor always screens for it.
So they're,
they're waiting for you to ask about depression problems.
So go talk to somebody about it.
And the other thing I wanted to say is a bunch of people send us messages about like,
you know,
how he's, you shouldn't listen to him. One person even went so far wanted to say is a bunch of people sent us messages about how you shouldn't
listen to him. One person even went so
far as to say, Johan Hari
should be on Be Reasonable, which is
Be Reasonable is skeptical, which is a different
show. But
I listened to the entire
interview. I
heard what he had to say. There wasn't
a single moment that I felt like
this guy is an absolute wackaloon.
Like this guy is a crazy person.
It didn't feel like that to me.
And maybe I'm not smart enough when it comes to psychiatric treatment.
Maybe,
maybe I'm not smart enough.
Maybe I,
maybe I don't get it.
Let's be fair.
Neither of us read the book.
Right.
So I bought the book after the interview.
I thought what he had to say was interesting enough
that I bought the book. I started it,
but I haven't finished it. Yeah. So,
you know, I think,
you know, like you say,
we got a lot of email. We got a lot of very
positive email about this as well.
So I think people
were galvanized in some way by the
interview. I'd encourage you, if you're interested,
read the book, read the criticisms of it.
Let us know if you have.
I am genuinely curious.
What I find terribly
unconvincing and uncompelling
are articles that start with
I didn't read it, but.
It's like, I didn't read the whole thing,
but here's my counterpoint.
That's just
uninteresting. I'm already bored. It's like, I didn't read it, but here's the thing I. That's just, that's an uninteresting, I'm already bored.
Like, it's like, I didn't read it,
but here's the thing I don't like about it.
We didn't read it either,
but we didn't, we're not,
I didn't have an opinion on it.
I just asked him questions, right?
I think his ideas are interesting, right?
I think there's a certain amount of
generally intuitive sense that they make.
I think I know enough to be careful
about the things that appeal to my general intuitive
sense of how the world works.
So yeah, I went and bought the book.
Yeah.
You know, and then I'll read it and see what I think after I read it.
There was also criticism of Johan Hari being a plagiarist.
That is something we didn't know about.
Like I didn't, I don't, I've never even heard of the guy before he contacted our show.
Like I literally had never heard of him, but when he contacted our show and
I watched the Ted talk he did and I, and I started reading some of the stuff that he had put out, I,
I thought he was an interesting person to book. So that's why I did it. Um, but I didn't do a
detailed background history on him. So if he has plagiarism in his past, I didn't know about it
when we booked him. I know. And to be fair, the, the, the, uh, plagiarism in his past. I didn't know about it when we booked him. And to be fair, the plagiarism was from 2011.
It's been seven years.
You know, I think even C.J.
Werleman can change in seven.
I don't think C.J.
Werleman can change.
I don't like C.J.
Werleman.
This story is from The Economist.
And this is terrible. Republican governors try to avoid holding specialist. And this is terrible.
Republican governors try to avoid holding special elections.
And this is pretty much what it sounds like.
This is a story about Governor Scott Walker up in Wisconsin.
There are two seats.
He appointed two guys, one from his assembly and one from the Senate.
He appointed them to serve in his government, which opened up two available seats within the legislature.
In their House legislature.
And rather than holding special elections to fill those, because he's seen that those might be challengeable seats, even though the balance of power in Wisconsin is clearly Republican favored.
He actually is proposing a law that is so like crazily written. It's like, you know, we don't hold special elections on anything other than alternating
Thursdays when the sun is setting, you know, like it's a great, like, actually I want to
read to you what, what the proposed law says, because it is, it is such an obvious play
to make sure we don't do it this time.
The law says they want to pass a bill that would no longer allow special elections after the state's spring election in even numbered years. What the fucking what? Yeah.
What? They don't want midterm elections. They don't want midterm special elections.
They want to wait. They want to push this off. Right. So that they have plenty of time because
one of the things that happened was one of the seats did flip. So they did have an election and did flip.
And it was it was a place in their in their government that they thought was very secure.
It was very secure for the Republican seat.
And they still they they want to hold it off.
They want to just push back.
They want to put, you know, basically sweep back the tide for a little while and hope that they can put some mechanisms in place to hopefully save these seats.
Right. Even though, like you say, it's not going to flip the government there at all. Like the
government's just fine. It's still going to stay Republican. It's not an issue. It's it. But but
what I think and what they're suggesting they're worried about. And this is the economist, by the
way, this isn't like a fucking left leaning lefty paper. Oh, this is the economist. The economist
may as well be written by Rachel. Yeah, exactly. Rachel Maddow writes every article in the economy.
She would be, you'd think she'd be tired.
Yeah, you would think.
You would think she would be exhausted.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But it's, you know, this is not a lefty paper.
This is the economist and they're saying, you know, look, here's, this is a real problem
with democracy.
This is a real problem.
And it's, it's state democracy.
It's not federal democracy, but this isn't just one state.
It says two other Republican
governors, Rick Snyder of Michigan and Rick Scott of Florida, are stalling on special elections.
So other places in this country are stalling on special elections. And it was brought to my
attention. I posted this on my Facebook page and someone brought it to my attention that
I and I don't again, I don't know exactly how true this is, but I don't it's not that I don't
distrust the source. I think the source is probably telling me the truth.
It's a guy by the name of Tim that both of us, you and I both know.
He said that during one of the elections when George Bush, and probably the first election that George Bush was coming onto the ballot, he didn't get it in in time for it to be on the Illinois ballot.
He was not in on time
or something. And a Democratic, all Democratic government, House, Senate, and governor all
passed a law to let him come onto the ballot specifically so that there would be a choice
for the Republicans in this state to actually have that ability. That's where we've come in this under 20 year time is from,
you know, yeah, what we really need is some really, you know, we got to make sure that we have
fair elections to let's put it off. The people don't need to vote on this right now. He's making
that decision for everybody in his entire state that they don't get to vote on. I know it's not
in the state. It's only in that district, but it's still, you know what I mean? Like all those people now are disenfranchised. They don't, they don't get to
decide whether or not they want to change that seat. Well, this feels fundamentally not terribly
different than not filling a Supreme court vacancy. Right. To me too. Yeah. It's like, look,
whether you like it or lump it, we have a vacancy and those vacancies are representative, right?
Right. So if it's Supreme court representation, those people are all there to serve our interests as a citizenry. They're not there to serve
a political party's interests. They're there to serve the citizens' interests, right?
They're constituents. And if the constituency is Democratic or the constituency is Republican,
be it as it may, that's why we have elections to figure that shit out. And let's be real about that, too. They're going to gerrymander the fucking shit out of
these. Although did you see that the Supreme Court is hearing yet another gerrymandering case?
Another one. So that that actually might that might turn into something.
Well, there there was there was one that came up in one state where the Democrats had gerrymandered
and they're bringing it to their attention. I'm like, fucking A, man. I don't care where it is.
I want to make sure that gerrymandered and they're bringing it to their attention. I'm like, fucking A, man. I don't care who does it. I don't care where it is. I want to make sure that
gerrymandered districts are not a thing.
And I understand that you have
to draw the districts weird. Like, I understand
that that's a thing. And I realize that the
districts can't just be like squares.
I understand that because of the population,
right? You've got to make sure that those populations
are set up. Right. But it
just feels like, you know, when you see
these ones that go, you know, 60 or 70 miles straight out and it's just a strip. Yep. But it just feels like, you know, when you see these ones that go,
you know,
60 or 70 miles straight out and it's just a strip.
Yep.
And then it comes back
and you're just like,
come on,
like,
how does that even work?
It's like,
it's like how they make
O'Hara part of Chicago.
Right, yeah.
It's like you got Chicago
and then there's like
this tentacle
that reaches out.
It's like,
it's not that far,
but still,
it's like 20 miles.
It's 20 miles away.
It's just expressway. It's just expressway.
It's just expressway.
Until you get to like
all this expressway in Chicago.
And so here's the airport.
If I lived on the expressway,
I'd be a Chicago taxpayer.
And if you drive
to and from Chicago,
you do live on the expressway.
That is very true.
You do live on the expressway.
It's true.
I get my mail forwarded there.
You can get your lawyer
to see if he can
knock your taxes down because you're, taxes down because you're a resident now.
I pay resident rates just because of my fucking vehicular traffic.
In 2010, the Holy Spirit told me that a black ubiquitous membrane would descend over America and suffocate the people.
Freedom would be taken away.
This story is from Right Wing Watch.
suffocate the people. Freedom would be taken away. This story is from Right Wing Watch. After getting booted from YouTube, Rick Wiles warns that leftists will soon start executing Christians.
That seems like, oh God, this is going to be great. All right, here we go. All right, come on, Ricky.
America's leftist snowflakes are furious that half the country no longer listens to their idiotic Marxist propaganda.
Oh, that is the worst straw man.
I'm furious that half of America
doesn't listen to my mixtape.
I think that's, I'm very upset by that.
Well, Cecil, you record it with the commercials.
All right.
I know you hit play record after the DJ is done talking.
Do you remember?
I do.
You're like waiting for your favorite song to come on.
So you're always missing like the first five bars
of your favorite song.
And the fucking DJ would talk over it a little bit.
Like, this is going to be blah, blah, blah.
This is a long distance dedication to Terry.
You're like, shut the fuck up.
You're ruining the song, man.
It'll come on right at the end.
And it'll be like, that was Nine Inch Nails
with...
It'd be great if they sounded like that and played Nine Inch Nails,
but they sound like a jazz
lounge DJ.
That was Nine Inch Nails
down in it.
Playing.
Have you heard anything from Pretty Hate Machine? have you put that in in a long time i don't want to say yes but yes have you it's so bad it's so bad it is like it's not good it's
it's so pretty hate machine is so i will say i used to love the song down in it when I was a kid. I did too! I loved it so much.
And Ringfinger
maybe is the name of the song?
I loved that song too.
I thought they were amazing. And then I listened
to them recently and I was like, ugh.
It's just really dated.
It's just really dated. You hear it
and it's not that I
didn't like it then and I loved it. I'm not just really dated. Like you hear it and it's not that I don't, I didn't like it then and I
loved it. I'm not just saying I liked
it then. I fucking loved it then.
I just, it's not my music anymore.
Like I listen to it and it's clearly not
my music anymore. I find the lyrics
embarrassing now. Yeah. Like I was like,
I identified with that. I was a self-indulgent
narcissistic prick
because that spoke to me
and that is self-indulgent narcissistic
bullshit yeah i i when you listen to like like everything is i i me me me i i that's what i
mean that's all i i me me me it's not terrible there's no and it and really that whole album
is about like it's your first breakup like it's like album. When you listen to it, you're just like,
oh, you got hurt.
I'm real sorry.
Let's go to Denny's so you can cry into your coffee.
But seriously, like that's what it is.
Like it's like, it's like your first heartbreak.
And so I think it meant a lot to me back then,
you know, because, you know,
you had your first puppy love and you're like,
oh, you know, and now like when you you had your first puppy love and you're like, oh, you know,
and now, like, when you're older and
more cynical, you're just like, oh, you
little shit.
Somebody breaks up and you just whack them on the nose
of the newspaper and rub their nose in it.
Oh, God. You have no idea
the pain that you're going to endure
in this lifetime. You have no
idea. It's like talking to yourself in the mirror it's like
stupid stupid stupid just hitting yourself in the head it's like why are you so stupid worthless
dummy that's from that movie where the guy like leans in and kissed like the porn star
boogie nights or whatever yeah where he like leans in to kiss the porn star and the guy's like what
the fuck stupid stupid stupid my ancestors were german were white so white unlike you mud races.
Reform church members who fled religious persecution in Europe in the 1700s. To persecute people religiously here.
We just wanted to get it right.
Risk everything to come to America so they could worship God freely.
And kick out the Mexicans.
There's like
at all the gates to get into America
there's just like a gradient
color chart.
You cannot come in if you are
this color or this white
or above.
Sorry guys.
There's freedom running through my veins.
It turns out freedom is terrible at transporting oxygen to the brain.
America gets that confused a lot.
That's cheese sauce.
If you have freedom running through your veins,
like your white blood cells are fucking bald eagles.
You go to
Kim Bledsoe and you're like,
It just flies out
and goes right into the pine thing.
Me? I'm USA negative.
Oh, gosh.
Oh, fucking stupid.
Freedom is running through my veins.
You fucking pompous piece of garbage.
Oh, my God.
My ancestors were not silenced, and I won't be silenced by YouTube.
Yes, you will.
You're going to take it and like it.
This guy is comparing the act of
packing up all of your shit
and getting on a boat and traveling
across the fucking Atlantic Ocean
to fucking be a part of a country
where you don't fucking know anybody
and starting with YouTube
with uploading a video on YouTube.
Are you kidding me?
The fucking immigrant experience
is being compared as the
fucking synonymous or analogous
moment with being like, well, my
video isn't uploaded free on
this website anymore.
So that's like
the same thing. That's like the
same thing, guys.
Are you kidding me? How brave
you are. Does anybody have any virtual
tea I can throw into a virtual harbor
so stupid
oh my god it's so stupid
it's like I won't be silenced
but yes you will yes yes you
absolutely will be silenced because it's not
a free platform it's not a fucking it's not a public
it's not it's just some company doesn't want fucking, it's not a public. It's not. It's just some company
doesn't want you to play at their fucking
business anymore. I love to like
there's something that makes me laugh
about watching old men say the
word YouTube.
I can't be
on YouTube anymore.
Why won't you let me on
YouTube?
You know, his grandson has to show him how to upload the video every week
granddad I showed you already your hate speech
goes to the corner just drag it
drag it and drop it
no left click grandpa left click
every week his son's like
no see YouTube
is not a tube it's a big truck stop trying to fuck it
every generation has its tyrants we have tech tyrants youtube the company that gave you the
ability to have this freedom and it's now now just like, well, you're not you. You're annoying.
You're an asshole. You're a tech tyrant.
Start it.
Go to that. What's that one where they're like,
like they were super,
there was one clip that we listened to
where someone was saying this, this
other
platform is beating out
YouTube and it's like the conservative
YouTube or whatever. I'm like, just go there.
Nobody knows what it is. It's not beating out anything.
It's not even beating off.
I literally can't even remember.
Like, I'm pressing my head to be
like, squeeze it out.
It's like a pimple. I can't get it out.
I have warned for years
that a spirit of Nazism
is rising up inside the
USA. Well, it's in the eye of YouTube, actually nazism is rising up inside the usa well it's in the youtube actually
it's rising up inside youtube i agree with that yeah it's also on twitter and facebook
that's where the nazis are they've they've encircled a fucking statue
charlottesville there's a spirit spirit of nazism rose up here in illinois and some
assholes gonna run run in congress congress the new nazis are here america is on the verge of a
french revolution style upheaval i thought it was german nazis jesus who's invading who
it feels like a sort of international buffet. I'm ordering the pancakes.
I would like a helping of German Nazism.
Can I have a side of that French Revolution?
It looks so decadent.
So, so decadent.
I shouldn't, but why?
Yes, I'll eat cake.
I really shouldn't, but I'll just take the Polish sausage.
but I'll just take the Polish sausage.
During which leftist mobs will seek to execute Christians and conservatives.
Now that seems like a stretch.
Hey guys, we got to kill 75% of the population.
And then we have to kill them
because they somehow got kicked off of YouTube.
Yeah.
Now how will we find them?
Well, they'll be the ones who aren't on YouTube.
That's how we'll find them. They'll be the ones that the protest off of YouTube. Yeah. Now, how will we find them? Well, they'll be the ones who aren't on YouTube. That's how we'll find them.
They'll be the ones who the protest signs to YouTube.
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So the story comes from Pink News.
This is
Coach.coach. Not a coach.
Dave Daubenmayer.
Internet pastor. Don't masturbate
because it's gay sex.
Well, I do have a guy's hand
on my dick. So I think that's
his actual point.
I think that is his actual point. I think that is his actual point.
Here's
the coach. Be honest about it.
Masturbation
is homosexuality.
You're having sex
with a man. See, that's
what I'm saying. You know, the hard part
is bending it while it's still hard to get it in my
own ass.
Yeah. I mean, you just eventually just stop looking at porn
and just start looking at a mirror, you know?
Who's that hot guy?
Who doesn't do that? Who is that hot guy?
And then I start pecking at it because I don't know who it is.
Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me.
I start scrying and barking at it.
I'm like, who is that over there?
You get it?
Now you're putting images of a woman
in your mind. But it's a guy's hand on your dick. But you're putting images of a woman in your mind.
But it's a guy's hand on your dick.
But you're having sex with a man.
That's his actual point.
That's his actual point.
It's interesting that he's saying that because if that's the case, if he's saying like, and I don't know if I can get there, but they say that if you think of a woman lustfully you're
sinning right right but like in his mind the thoughts the thoughts are not the thoughts don't
change the facts right the thoughts don't change yeah they're not enough they're not enough to
change whether or not you know you're touching yourself and that's gay no it's not i feel like
it's like i feel like there has to be another man for it to be a gay
experience.
It's that shit you're flying that ship solo.
If a gay guy jerks off, is that gay
sex, though? Oh, dude, it's double gay sex?
It's actually a threesome?
I don't know. Does he wink out of
existence?
As soon as he comes,
he's like,
it just implodes into the nothing
where'd it go
this is the least persuasive
argument not to jerk off
I've ever heard
like you're gonna scare me away
like you're just like oh no
this is like the reefer madness of jerking off
you're like I would jerk off but then it's gay. Well, fuck it.
Then I'm gay.
Who cares?
Like fucking
I fucking get that shit carved out
of my chest.
Are you kidding me?
Are you kidding me?
I was going to masturbate, but
then some fucking internet coach
pastor said that I'm
gay. He said I'm gay.
The only way that you would believe that is if you're like super homophobic
which means you're probably already
gay.
You still want to
admit it.
Who's like looking down at their dick like
I would suck that dick.
That's a big dick. Look at that dick.
I never said that.
That's not an internal monologue. That's not an internal monologue.
That's not an internal monologue at all.
Instead, it's like...
Are you going to be able to find it in there?
Press back that little...
Man-fupa.
Man-fupa.
Man-fupa.
It's how...
It's where the devil
will take us
if we give him
free reign
in our minds.
Look, if the devil's
going to loan me his hand
for a while,
that's cool too.
He just wants to get
taken by the devil.
You know,
he's just like,
come on devil,
just take me,
take me so hard.
It's got to be barbed.
That's the problem.
The devil's like
one of those cats. He's like, just like, now you got to be barbed. That's the problem. The devil's like a, like a, one of those. Like a duck.
It's like,
it's like,
now you got to throw water on him to get it off you.
You're like spritzing the devil with like a spray bottle.
Get off of me,
devil.
What?
That wouldn't surprise me.
Cause fucking coach Dave is yowling like a fucking cat in heat over this.
Just like rubbing himself all over.
Come on,
come on. Who wants to talk about
masturbating with me that's why i said in the in the commentary that i wrote yesterday i don't
know if i have time to read it i don't know if i should read you have all the time you want
it's the internet it's also your show what do you talk i don't have time i got other things
for nobody to listen to i I got to go beat off.
Sex is a behavior guys.
It's a behavior and orgasm. Oh,
I have to say that Lord.
Why is he weird out by orgasm?
Orgasm is super weird for some,
because he's never given his wife.
I'm so tired of hearing that.
God damn woman.
Yeah, I know you want an orgasm And I want a summer house
Alright but we're not all getting the things
We wish for
Buy me a Mercedes SLK
Then we'll talk
Okay
He's so uncomfortable
He said orgasm
It just sounds awful
I just gotta say it just say it
cum sock say it
what word is giving a fuck is making
this for clemt times one of the greatest
feelings that you could ever have
is an orgasm is a bowel movement
he's not wrong he's gonna talk about putting stuff up his butt he's gonna talk about putting
stuff up his butt i think he's gonna go there oh oh my god here we go you guys ever had one
of those moments where you thought you could never get home it's like man i got a hold on
i hope i got to get home can you run in the house? And the relief that comes, is that feeling any different
than the relief that you get when you have an orgasm?
Yeah.
Pooping doesn't feel like coming.
Pooping feels different than coming.
Poor guy.
This poor, poor man.
Maybe he's just super into butt stuff
and he's just getting, he's like,
the signals are all crossed at this point
his brain's just like I don't know if I'm
shitting or cumming I just
I can't even he's like sitting down
to his block of cheese every
he's got like he's walking down the street
with a whole package of baby bells
he's just shrugging
down the street pouring cheese when package of baby bells. He's just shrugging, walking down the street, pouring cheese
when it's not.
He's constantly
backed up so he can
spend as much time on the toilet as possible.
What he does, that's basically
like poop edging. He backs himself up
for like
five days. It's the grossest thing
we've ever seen. It's the grossest.
This is it, guys. This isest. This is it, guys.
This is it.
This is where it went.
It's like five.
No, this is the culmination of the show.
Poop edging, guys.
This is where it's at.
This is it.
No, keep going, Tom.
Five days of cheese.
Then a kale smoothie.
Kale smoothie.
Dude, here it comes.
It's like packing a
musket and then he's just like,
all right, here we go. Unwind the fuse.
You come in the bathroom and you're
just like, I'm going to need a squeegee.
It's on the walls.
How's that even possible?
Did you stand up?
Both of them are
temporary releases and feelings
of pleasure. One is associated with releases and feelings of pleasure.
One is associated with sex and one isn't.
One is sex!
One is pooing!
What, are you kidding me right now?
Are you fucking high?
Are you a crazy person?
Yeah, the one where there's sex
is associated with sex.
The one where you're taking a shit
is the
other one.
That's the other column.
Oh my God. I love this so much.
They are bodily functions.
Oh man.
Don't laugh at me.
You know I'm telling you the truth.
That's
perfect ending.
You know what Cecil? Can we pause for just a second? at me, you know I'm telling you the truth. That's perfect ending.
Can we pause for just a second?
And I'm going to go take a... Come.
Mrs. Krabappel
and Principal Skinner were in the closet
making babies and I saw one
of the babies and the baby
looked at me. Baby looked at you?
Sarah, get me
Superintendent Chalmers.
Thank you, Sarah.
This is fucking amazing. This is from
the Joe My God blog.
Right-wing pastor. I squished it
and then I raised it from the
dead and then it looked at me.
Alright, so this is the clip.
It's Frank Almeida
and he's on
some program. And this is the guy who claims he got rid of that tsunami. Yeah and he's on some program.
And this is the guy who claims he got rid of that tsunami?
Yeah, he's the one who prayed away the tsunami.
But he really prayed away.
He just redirected it to hit a different island or whatever.
Hey, kill some strangers. I know some folks over here.
All right, so this is him.
Go do the baptism.
Sure.
We were waiting to go join the crowd and do the baptisms. And he said, well,
pick me up in about 45 minutes. So I ran out on my balcony, had my gym shorts on. It's a little
chilly, but in the sun at the Dan Hotel, I'm out there like this. I put my head back and I'm
meditating and saying, Lord, you're going to do something awesome for these people getting
baptized. I want it to be the most awesome experience of their life. When they come up out of that water, I want the dove of the Holy Spirit
to rest upon them. And that's how I'm praying. Very, very religious. You know, when you try to
be really religious, it's like... It's like that.
That's what I was doing.
He was mocking his own shit.
Oh, it's all like,
blah, blah, blah, God.
He's like got his head back
and he's like,
Herbert, Herbert, Herbert.
Fucking amazeballs.
Holy shit.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And all of a sudden, I
feel this sting on my leg
and, you know, when you're
stung and there's an insect,
you do something involuntary. You don't
think about it. So I went like this.
You hit yourself? That's not involuntary.
I want to kill whatever stung
me. I'm good with
that. I like that he's like, oh, it's just
I wasn't thinking about it. I have never regretted killing anything that bites me or stings me or like fuck you i killed
people's toddlers and i'd look to see what it was and i saw this ant fall down onto a towel
that i had put on the balcony so that my feet wouldn't get bit from ants on the balcony. Well, great job!
The ant was like,
fuck, I can't get across that.
It's not a picnic blanket.
I can't make my way over it.
I'll sell you this towel that keeps ants away.
Put it next to the stone
that keeps tigers away.
Where is he then? It's just covered in biting ants
he's like yeah
I'll just put this cloth in the ground
there's no way an ant can traverse it
it'd be impossible for the ant
to get across this I put it down
because ants
there's no way they can actually grip cloth
they sit on it
like ice they can't move
they're just spinning
their little arms around.
They fall over on their back.
They're just like turtles.
I am perplexed
by your cloth.
Balcony. Well, this was a smart ant.
It was a Jewish ant.
I named him Yaakov. Yaakov crawled
up my leg and I whacked him
and he was laying there and he was squirming a little bit.
So half out of compassion, half out of vengeance,
I took this big thumb, and I went like this.
As opposed to your little thumb.
This here is my little thumb.
This here is my big thumb.
I use the big one for ant squishings.
I use the little one to stick up a choir boy's ass.
He gives some weird extraneous details when he tells a story.
Also, he goes out of his way to name the ant before he kills it.
That's a little weird, dude.
I gave it a social security number and a birthday.
I called him Yakov
and I figured his favorite color was purple
and I heard him squish
I felt it crack under my thumb
and a piece of it
it was two pieces
I went like this and flicked it
and it went down on the towel
so you know
case settled
assignment over
back like this.
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da, pray.
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da, him and him.
You know how you idiots pray.
And all of a sudden, the Holy Spirit speaks to me so clearly.
It was as clear as I've ever heard.
And it wasn't the voice of the Holy Spirit, another theological lesson for another time.
It was the voice of the Father., another theological lesson for another time. It was the voice of the
father. The father calls me son. And the father said, son, look at the ant. I looked down at the
ant. And as I did, I saw another ant come up over the side of the towel and it began charging
directly at this ant. I was like, come at me bro what the end
the end
runs after
like
oh fuck you
I told you
after you slept
with my wife
you'd get yours
you motherfucker
he ran across
Yakov
no
no
why
why
it just runs up to the guy this is mad Why? Why?
It just runs up to the guy.
This is mad.
It was an ant on assignment.
He was moving fast.
They're all on assignment.
They're ants.
Like, that's their thing.
That's like their actual thing. It's on assignment.
It's unfolding its tiny little
orders. Is this the first time
he's ever seen an ant?
He seems
fascinated by these things. What is it the queen wants
me to do?
I have orders from the queen.
He swallows his tiny
orders. You'll never find him, you son of a
bitch.
Before he squished this one, it took a cyanide pill.
He went to this one and he began to pull on it and tug on it.
And it wasn't moving.
And then the Lord...
Because I cut it in half with my enormous thumbs.
You crushed the life out of it.
That's how that works.
He said to me, son, I hear the cry of an ant.
Oh my god!
But you don't hear the...
Think of all the other cries that your crazy
god, you believe it, did not hear.
Think about all the cries. Yeah, exactly.
Like, at every moment, there's...
There are, like, thousands of kids
fucking mining cobalt right
now. There are, like,
fucking human beings
being sex trafficked all across the globe.
People are starving.
This kid's in that fucking eye parasite.
And then it's just like,
well, but I've got all these ants.
It's like an ant.
What about Yakov, guys?
How do you want me to prioritize this?
I said, oh my God.
Do you understand what happened in that moment?
It was that I've always known God to be almighty.
We worship him as sovereign.
He's the creator.
And we've preached.
I hear what a sparrow falls.
I know the number of hairs on your head.
I know the thoughts of your heart before you say them.
I know that when your stomach is empty, most of the time I don't care.
I know when you're sleeping and i know when you're
and i know when you have childhood cancer i don't care give a shit i created you in the womb but
when the lord almighty god the father speaks to you in israel and says i heard the cry of that
aunt i began to weep inside of me i don't know if I was weeping for the ant, weeping for myself.
I just began to weep.
I broke.
And then the Lord said, son, take your finger and touch the ant.
I went like this, judge.
And I got about this far from the ant.
The power of God shot out the ant that was running around.
That lady just sighed.
That lady just sighed. That lady just sighed.
She was like, are you fucking kidding me?
The ant that was
running around the other ant, he just
flew. The power hit him and he
went like this. I don't know where he died.
He got fucking killed. He got killed.
It was a lightning bolt. Hey, you want to
save an ant, you got to kill a few
ants. Kill another ant.
Kill his best friend.
But he was gone. He was airborne.
Fuck him. He didn't even have a name,
that motherfucker.
Whatever.
This is flying ants.
There's somebody on the ground.
It's like, what is happening up there?
Is somebody popping ants like popcorn? What is is happening up there is somebody popping ants like
popcorn what is going on up there oh i gotta get a better hotel is that covered ants too by the way
and the other ant it came alive and well like which half which half right which crushed half
came alive oh my god pieces all were together. Oh, okay.
Like magnets.
Like Freddy in that one movie.
And it jumped up on my finger.
They don't jump.
Who's ever seen an ant jump in all the history?
That's how it got on the towel.
Those are those famous jumping ants.
Well, it's Mexican.
It's a Mexican jumping ant.
It's just sitting there and he touches it. It's like
the Terminator and Terminator 2. It's like
all like
clumping back together. Oh my god.
It's all mercurized.
Came up very slowly, my
palm. And then it high-fived me.
I hope it stung him
again. Oh, please say it's done.
Stop right there.
As if it was looking right at me.
And then I squished it.
Oh my God.
This story is fucking amazing.
You know,
what's amazing about that story,
Tom,
is that there's two adults who wrapped attention listening to it.
And that's not us.
No,
there's two adults in that room listening to it. And that's not us. There's two adults in that room
listening to that story.
And they're just like,
mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
God pieced an ant back together.
God reforms ants when you
break them.
That kid in Cambodia that stepped on a landmine
is fucked, but let's put
that stinging ant back
together.
Did that ant like have Amazon purchase
protection on it?
You want answers?
I think I'm entitled. You want
answers. I want the truth.
You can't handle the truth.
This is the story from Right Wing Watch. It's Alex Jones again.
Globalists use cell phones
to commit silent, invisible
holocaust. Invisible holocaust. If it's an invisible holocaust visible holocaust if it's
an invisible holocaust do you know it's there you need to realize if you want to talk about
something that's killing millions of people not 40 something i i thought i paused it you didn't
pause i didn't pause it let's start over holy cow over no i thought i was like i thought i
looked over at you like what the fuck did I accidentally pause it? I looked over at you like, what the fuck?
Did I accidentally pause it?
No, I didn't pause it.
That's just him like taking
seven seconds to say something.
You need to realize
if you want to talk about something
that's killing millions of people,
not 40 something.
Wait, so he's seriously like,
like he needed,
he needed,
he needed to get the next line
from the mothership.
What the fuck happened?
His whole body stopped moving.
Like he froze.
He just was like.
How about you talk about radiation?
How about we have walkouts in schools over cell towers on top of schools?
How about we have walkouts over cell phone radiation?
How about we have walkouts over all of that?
I love that the evidence they show is a printout of something from the internet.
They literally just printed a web page and then wrote on it with a pen.
Yeah, you know, there's not even any source on it.
And what it says on the screen here, it says,
They say they found clear evidence that phone radiation caused the tumors in the hearts of rats, which were similar to tumors in people is what's highlighted there.
And like, I love, I love too, because like up top, it has an option to send this article to your Kindle.
This is the revenue, but this, even if you stop and read, this says even the top cellular radiation researchers from around the world have a hard time untethering.
But as they gathered recently in North Carolina
to talk about cell phone concerns
and whether they really do increase the chances
of developing cancer.
Notice that it's just a bunch of undefined pronouns.
Yeah.
They never tell you who these people are
or like, oh, they're just top cell phone
radiation researchers.
Oh, really?
It's a huge industry, Tom.
From the cell phone.
It's hard to break into.
Yeah.
It's hard to break into. Get away from somebody to keel
over for you to take their job.
Or use the thumbprint scanner.
Or the facial recognition.
And this is,
again, there was so much
pushback
against those kids
walking out of school. So much
trying to discredit those kids walking out of school. So much trying to discredit those kids walking out of school,
you know,
discrediting them from,
they don't know what they're talking about.
Cause they're kids too.
They're being manipulated to,
um,
to this,
right?
Like why can't they walk out of school to just,
to just,
yeah.
To just being like getting shot.
Is it really worth getting worked up about?
It's not that big a deal.
What about cell phones?
Yeah.
Yeah. What the fuck is
wrong with you? Yeah. And
all of it is, every single
bit of that is a deflection from the actual
issue, right? They're too young
to talk about it. Well, they're not too young to
talk about it because they're not too young to get shot.
Yeah. Well, it's like, they're too young to talk about
it. Okay, well, what about the points they raised? Let's talk
about those instead of talking about the people that raised
them. Exactly, right? Because it's an ad hominem right that's an ad
hominem to say you can't talk about this because you're too young yeah there's something about
something about you that makes your argument not worthwhile right and that's not true those
there's plenty of points that they make you know and i may or may not agree with some of those
points right i may disagree norm we certainly don't have an opportunity to even get there
right exactly and then the other one which is they're being manipulated.
And I'm like, well, if their points didn't matter, then would it matter if they're being manipulated?
Right?
Because, you know, on the one hand, if their points don't matter, then being manipulated or their own volition, it doesn't matter because their points don't.
Even if they are being manipulated, is what they say true?
Yeah.
Right?
Yep.
Who cares if it's like, where is it say true? Yeah. Right? Yep. Who cares if it's,
if it's like,
where is it still true?
Because again,
that's another ad hominem.
Right.
It's another way to say
that the person
who's bringing you
this message is flawed,
therefore the message
is flawed.
The message is flawed.
Yeah.
What's the fucking message?
Yeah.
And then the final bit here is,
let's just change the subject.
Now you're going to red herring.
Right.
Now you're like,
well,
nobody cares about that. Let's talk about this other thing.ring. Now you're like, well, nobody cares about that.
Let's talk about this other thing.
Well, it's also like, well, that only killed 40.
This kills millions.
Yeah.
Right.
So don't care about this.
It's that continuum.
Yeah.
Right.
Because this is what kills thousands of times what guns do every year.
And this is how the globalists in this silent, invisible Holocaust are killing everybody
in their plane.
Have a little fucking table discipline.
Jesus.
Jesus.
You're like fucking
walloping that.
Cognitive dissonance.
And the globalists have these
Wi-Fi free retreats
out in the middle of the wilderness
that they're living in.
A lot of the top billionaires
are moving to the middle of nowhere,
as I've told you,
and as is now admitted.
Northern Canada.
I want to hear him say Canada again.
It sounded like Sly Stallone a little bit.
Didn't he?
This is a guy who like seems to record his show a lot with like gastrointestinal issues.
Right.
We've seen him belch his way through things. My impression is, is that those issues never go away.
Like he's just constantly surrounded.
Cause that's just constantly surrounded. Go Canada.
Because that's what happened there.
He like burped it out. Burped in the middle of Canada.
Here we go. Northern Canada.
Kauai, Hawaii.
Tasmania.
New Zealand. So the globalists
are controlling the world,
but they're not
connected to it?
They don't want to.
So they have to do everything physically?
It's like, I got to go control the world.
I have to get up and go out of my
fucking log cabin. No, they don't.
What they do is they go...
And they connect
with their 2800 baud modem.
Well, they don't do a Wi-Fi, but they just have a hard line.
The world's largest Cat5 streaming from their private jet.
About these Wi-Fi free elite resorts and Wi-Fi communities that are Wi-Fi free.
And they're all hardwired, hardwired.
If you go to Zuckerberg's house and you look at even some of the photos
they try to control,
but I've seen it.
It's plugged in,
plugged in,
plugged in.
Stop saying it.
Jesus Christ,
we get what plugged in means.
Why is it hardwired,
plugged in,
hardwired,
plugged in,
plugged in?
Because then the radiation
is chained down
through that electron chain.
What the fuck does that mean?
The radiation's like,
fuck, I can't get out of this electron
chain.
That's not science, is it?
I dare you to take this electron
chain off. I fucking dare you.
I'll come at you, bro.
Take it off.
There's all these
radiations all chained together
singing work songs.
This one radiation's like,
I can break these cuffs.
They're like,
on the side of the
internet superhighway
picking up trash.
The radiation's
in an orange jumpsuit with a
pokey stick.
It is not just blasting out
like a radiation bomb.
That's called a bomb.
No, we just called it a bomb.
That's so perfect. I love that guy so much oh he's crazy he's so crazy oh my god environmentalism
has become a religion um or has become their their reason for being you know the old joke that
a lot of environmentalists are like watermelons.
They're green on the outside and pink on the inside.
This starts from Right Wing Watch.
EPA's Pruitt hears from Bible study leader that radical environmentalism is a false religion.
Now, this is a reedy, not a talky.
So this is the actual argument.
This is from Drollinger.
Ralph Drollinger leads a weekly Bible study meeting for members of Congress, for Trump's cabinet, and for Scott Pruitt, who's the EPA agent.
Let's just stop and think about how weird that is.
I don't want to stop and think about it because they don't have to know it.
Some dude is doing a weekly Bible study meeting for people in Trump's cabinet.
Yeah.
That's fucking bizarre, dude.
for people in Trump's cabinet.
Yeah, that's fucking bizarre, dude.
Of all the things they've got to do in a week,
they're taking their time out to have their fucking fairy tale story time.
Hey, we don't have clean water.
Well, I wonder what they would have said
about this 2,000 years ago
in a book written by a people
that lives halfway across the world
and doesn't know how to spell wheel yet.
I wonder what they would have thought of it in the time of cholera.
So here is his, this is his fucking argument, Drollinger.
And this is problematic, right?
Because the EPA agency head listens to this guy.
To think that man can alter the Earth's ecosystem
when God remains omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent in the current affairs of mankind
is to more than subtly espouse an ultra-hubristic secular worldview relative to the supremacy and importance of man.
I think it's the opposite.
How do you mean?
Well, he's basically saying to think that a man can alter Earth's ecosystem when God's in control is is hubristic.
But I think about it the other way to think like like how hubristic of you to think that there's some imaginary thing that somehow protecting everything.
Sure.
Yeah.
Right.
That loves you.
That loves you.
And wants to set this whole universe in motion for your pleasure.
And sets everything in the entire sky along with every ecosystem on Earth.
I mean, just the very fact that we've changed these ecosystems so dramatically in the last, you know, hundred years.
We know that humankind can dramatically affect...
The most extreme example, right?
We could set off a bunch
of nuclear weapons.
It would affect the fuck out of the
ecosystem, right?
We could drop all of them at the same time
on the Amazon rainforest.
There would be no more of that.
That ecosystem is dunzo.
So, okay. We know we can do it. There's be no more of that. That ecosystem is dunzo. So, okay.
We know we can do it.
There's nothing that stops us.
We also know that we're currently doing it all over the place.
The EPA head
listens to this guy.
That's unreal to me.
That's unreal.
What's crazy is the EPA head
is not... This is a the EPA head is not,
I mean,
this is a guy who for years has been fighting against all the things that the EPA has been trying to do.
Oh yeah.
For years and years and years,
this guy has been,
this Pruitt has been,
you know,
the arch nemesis of the EPA.
Well,
here's another example,
right?
So this is,
this is a,
this is something Drollinger shared with Pruitt and his colleagues in the
cabinet.
To allow fish to govern the construction of dams, endangered species to govern power plants, flies to govern hospitals, or kangaroo rats homes, is to miss the clear proclamation of God in Genesis.
So they're saying if there's some sort of species that you want to save,
you might,
you might,
you might change how your dam is built.
Right.
That's not the,
clearly they're not.
I don't think that they're suggesting that the fish run the dam.
That would be kind of awesome.
They're just like,
the levers are weird.
The levers are weird.
There's just like this sturgeon,
like standing at this fucking control panel,
like with a mustache and a cup of coffee, just like this sturgeon standing at this fucking control panel like with a mustache
and a cup of coffee.
Just like a hard hat.
Little orange vest
on that keeps falling off because he has shoulders.
Just like sighs.
Monday.
I don't know why his voice sounds like that either.
It's kind of around his waist at this point.
The orange vest just slides right off of him.
There's no shoulders.
She just goes right down.
So in talking about the politics
of siding against radical environmentalists
in part because they have children,
they have fewer children than those who believe
in, you know, fucking until the
Bible says stop, right?
Which is just not true because more and more people are
coming out as atheists.
And pretty soon
our country is going to be...
I would say in the next
30 years, our country, 30 or
40 years, our country might be starting to
climb to a majority of... Of people.
I think so. That are either non-believers
or agnostic. That would be fucking awesome.
That would be awesome. I'd say in the next 30 years
because the rate at
which it's climbing is pretty
dramatic. Yeah, it's pretty dramatic.
Geometric.
So his claim is there's six million more kids that believe, right?
So they've outperformed in the fucking quiver full shit, right?
That's what he's saying.
And like, you know, like I will say that like secular families probably do produce less kids.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
Then the,
you know,
fuck until God buys you a condom group.
Yeah.
Yeah.
For sure.
So here's the,
he says,
those 6 million children are just now reaching voting status.
Said another way,
young Americans raised with a Christian worldview will soon outnumber the
children of radical environmentalists by at least 6 million voters in the
coming elections.
Indeed,
the scriptural truth that your sins will find you out
will soon be realized across the country.
Hopefully, the religion of radical environmentalism
will soon be relegated to fringe minority status in American society.
What I don't understand is the most religious in our society
use religion as an insult.
The religion.
Yeah, right.
You know what I mean?
Like, wouldn't you think that's... You hold on to insult. The religion. Yeah. Right. I mean, like,
like what wouldn't you,
wouldn't you hold on to it?
Like a religion.
Yeah.
Yeah. You do that with your religion.
Religion.
You,
uh,
you go to,
you go to those environmental meetings religiously.
Yeah.
Like you are,
uh,
like a church service.
It's just such a weird thing to,
to pick on.
Like to say the same thing when they like, they call them sheep. Yeah. And it's like, yeah, but your guy's a shepherd. Exactly. It's just such a weird thing to pick on. Same thing when they call them sheep.
And it's like, but your guy's
a shepherd, right? And you guys are
cool with that.
You like that. It's a whole
thing for you. This is a disturbing
trend because
one of the things
that I think most secular
people want is
to keep religion out of the government so that
it doesn't...
So that people with religious views
like this, which I think are
very dangerous religious views,
make decisions.
This is only dangerous if you like living
on the earth. It's a horrible,
a really horrible worldview
to be like, there's nothing we can
do to damage the environment.
God will always fix it.
It almost seems like a challenge.
It really does.
Oh, I bet I can.
Fuck you.
I'm going to buy a paper mill
and then I'm going to put it next to a coal mine
and then I'm going to bomb them both.
That's what I'm going to do.
I'm going to run a 24 hour shift
and then I'm going to fill them full of fucking motor oil
and bomb them.
It's like we're getting just powerful enough to wrestle with God.
So he'll never wrestle with us again.
There's a,
there's an age where you wrestle with your son and then you're done.
You don't do it anymore.
Do you remember the last time you wrestled your dad?
Uh,
yeah,
he fell out of his coffin and I was trying to put him back in.
Um,
Oh,
it's like, how do you fall out of his?
It's like,
well,
like just,
there was a fight at his funeral.
Get in there.
He wasn't dead yet.
He's like a jellyfish.
I'm fine.
You're trying to push him with the shell.
It's like,
it's like that.
It's like that one family guy when he's trying to pick the frog up and slide
it.
And there's like a million times of him trying to get it out of the window.
I don't know. Anyway, but you
remember that clearly the last time. I do.
It makes me laugh. I was 13.
13? And I wrestled my dad
and I beat him
and I put him
in like a
crucifix, you know? Okay, yeah. And he couldn't
breathe and he got all panicky and
shitty because he likes to breathe or whatever.
And like, I let him go because I didn't want to hurt my dad.
We were just roughhousing, but I clearly
won. And
he got up and he was all shaken and everything
and we never roughhoused one time
again after. He was like, fuck
that noise. Like, uh-uh.
There's an H. We are done.
There's an H. There's a point
though. We're at the point now
where we're just like,
you know what?
It could kill the world.
Yeah.
We don't need your help, God.
We don't need to tell stories
about it anymore.
We don't need to write down
Armageddons
or write down a bunch of fucking,
like a big fucking goat
with more horns than it has heads
or less horns than it has heads or less
horns than it has heads or whatever.
And armored locusts.
We can just kill the world right now on our own.
It's a choose your own adventure style.
We can do it so many different ways.
It's like,
it's not bio weapon.
Well,
how do you want to end this whole thing?
I don't know.
Disease,
right?
Yeah.
Well,
let's see.
Material infections are suddenly resistant to all.
We keep going. We like the, we have let's see. Bacterial infections are suddenly resistant to all antibiotics. We can keep going.
Like, there's so many options.
It's like Wi-Fi.
So we want to thank all our patrons.
Of course, we want to thank our newest patrons. Loose Butthole
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Ted Cruz ate my son. Chad, Dwayne, shout out for Jeff, filling the swear jar to pay for Patreon.
Kathy, Christina, Michael, Richard, and Joni, thanks so much for your generous donations.
We really do appreciate it.
This last week, I was able to go visit Oklahoma City.
You said it was pretty nice, actually.
Yeah, it was a really nice, you know what?
To be perfectly honest,
now I visited a couple of different places there,
and there are some places that are just like not great.
Like as you're driving, you're like,
eh, this isn't very great.
But the downtown area, the Bricktown area, I gotta say, I was, I thought it was nice. Like in the,
I ate good food while I was out there. I got a chance to hang out with the Puzzle and the
Thunderstorm guys. Uh, I, I hung out with Seth Andrews one evening. There was a bunch of cool,
uh, atheists there that were all for the atheist convention. I got a chance to meet a ton of people
that listen to the show, take pictures with people. So if I met you, thanks for coming over and saying hi. Thanks for hanging out.
Hopefully I bought you a drink. I remember buying drinks. I remember buying drinks for sure.
Nice.
So I'm pretty sure I bought several drinks for different people. But thanks for coming by and
saying hi. And that was a lot of fun to do. We got an image from James, and James sends this Easter image. It's a little late, but we're
going to post it anyway. Oh, God.
It is something
else. So it's a nice Jesus image
we'll be posting on this week's show notes. This is
episode 408.
We got another image from
Elvis, and it doesn't
it doesn't have, he says,
apropos of nothing, and that is also
part of our other show citation needed.
But, uh, but yeah, it's, uh, it's, it's just, uh, just a random, um,
a random image that a superhero image that he sent us that we think is
hilarious. So check it out. It's on this week's show notes, episode 408.
Third image that we're going to post is from Aaron and it's a Trump image.
It's the more I look at this, the more I don't know, like it is not the right way. It makes me laugh, but it's a Trump image. The more I look at this,
the more I don't know.
Like it is not the right way. It makes me laugh, but it's creepy.
It's very weird.
I don't know.
Somebody spent a lot of time on that.
They really did.
So check it out, this week's show notes.
Tom, we got a message,
and this was sent to us.
We think it's a very important message.
We're going to read it to our audience.
It says, April 3rd, 2018. Let's discuss about it. us we think it's a very important message we're going to read it to our audience uh it says uh
april 3rd 2018 let's discuss about it dear business owner of dissonancepod.com did you
think it that your website is having so many errors i like that sentence is it possible that
one's website contains numbers of errors yesbers of the people share their rage and frustration
once they get my mail.
Now, I will
show you the several types of broken links.
Pages with no meta description tag.
Images with no alt text.
HTML validation errors.
Not including
a
unique
meta description,
having too long title,
et cetera,
found in your dissonance pod.com.
We have an expert team who can easily solve all the above problems within a
second with a reasonable budget.
Those are all together.
By the way,
problems within and a second with are both.
They're both together. A second
with is a great second. The second
with is a great, a great word.
We guarantee you will
see a dire
change
in your Google search ranking. Once
these are static
case, you're getting interested
with the proposal and want
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then must feel free to send me a proposal.
Oh, gosh.
That's amazing.
I want to call that guy so bad.
That is so fucking Google translated.
It's amazing.
We're going to post a video on this week's show notes.
I don't know where they got the beginning of this video because it's kind of our tagline.
It is kind of,
it's kind of our thing,
but,
uh,
this is not a real Twitter account.
So I don't know why.
I mean,
unless they changed the hell of a coincidence,
just a really hell of a coincidence.
So check this video out.
It's a review of a glory hole.
Um,
but when it starts out,
I was just like,
wait a minute.
Is that,
is that somebody who listens to our show?
So,
uh, so check this out. I'm going to put it on this week's show notes. Luke wait a minute. Is that somebody who listens to our show? So check this out.
I'm going to put it on this week's show notes.
Luke sent it in.
Thanks so much.
Thank you.
We're supposed to have a guest tonight, but we might have that guest next week.
We're hoping that we're going to have that guest next week.
There was a problem on our end this time.
Yeah, it snowed in April.
It snowed in April.
So fuck.
So we're hoping that we're going to have the guest next time.
And that should be a good show.
But we're going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed.
Credulity is not a virtue.
It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno Babylon bullshit.
Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo quasi alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized,
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Thrust your hands.
Bloody.
Evidential. Conclusive. Doubt even this.
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