Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 416: The Deadliest Crotch

Episode Date: May 28, 2018

        ! Sat, August 11, 2018 Victory Gardens Biograph Theater () 8:00 PM – 9:30 PM CDT  

This show is brought to you by AdamandEve.com. If you go to AdamandEve.com and enter GLORY at checkout, that's G-L-O-R-Y at checkout, you'll get 50% off almost any item, a free sex swing, and free shipping. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from glory hole studios in chicago this is cognitive dissonance

every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way we bring critical thinking skepticism and irreverence so any topic that makes the news makes it big or makes us mad It's skeptical It's political And there is No welcome at This is episode 416 Of Cognitive Dissonance And I don't have a pithy intro

No? No I was trying to think of a pithy intro While you were doing the intro That's always when I try to think of them Itithy intro while you were doing the that's always when i try to think of them it's just you know i'm like a spur of the moment kind of guy you know like whatever just like boom pops into mind whatever's in the top of the old bean nothing that's what's in the top of the old bean my friend the bean is just it's just a fucking

you ever like you ever flick your bean to try to get it so that I resent that. Thank you. It's not my thing. I'm a bean flicker, but it's not my bean. When you're a kid, you ever go to the grocery store and you wanted to get a gumball from a and the machine is just empty. There's just no, that same sense

of total and utter disappointment is how I felt reaching into the old brain pan for a clever intro. Just nothing in the machine. Gumballs are empty. There's so much going on, too. You could talk about a million things.

Nothing up there. It's been a fucking week. It has been. It's been a week. We have all these stories to talk about. I don't want to talk about any of the stories in the intro. That's true.

My intro this week, Cecil, it's about how there's no intro. Meta intro. It's the motherfucking Seinf about how there's no intro. Meta intro. It's the motherfucking Seinfeld of intros, bitch. That's right. That's right. Still found a way to make it. Here we go. So please stick with us after that, guys.

You guys love that. You all love that. First story is from Patheos, it's a friendly atheist blog. Pat Robertson tells woman her disease returned because she wasn't godly enough. Why are we covering this? That seems entirely legitimate. That seems totally true. Now, the best part about this is, Tom, is that that's only a portion

of this. Apparently there's a bunch of other questions too. And this is a great clip. It's got like four questions on it. They're all amazing. Did her disease arrive the first time because she wasn't godly enough? And then because she wasn't godly enough? And then she still wasn't godly enough? I think there are diseases you can get by not being godly enough.

And you got to be careful because some of those are antibiotic resistant now. All right. So let's listen to this. This is his. If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. Comma, honest answers, colon. Okay. So there we go. You can get that in your colon.

All right, it's time for your questions. Some honest answers. Let's start with Kathy. She says, I believed I was healed by God, but my sickness came back. Why would God heal you and then give you the ailment back after you praised him for healing you? There's just a woman out there like Kathy.

No. She's an atheist now. Welcome, Kathy. Thanks for listening. It's so funny. It would be great if Pat answered it honestly. You know, do you want to play along? You want to play along and answer the question honestly?

Okay. So, yeah. All right. So, Cecil, that's the question. My question to you is, I believed I was healed by God, but my sickness came back. Why would God heal you and then give your animal back to you after you praised him for healing you, Tom? What was the answer?

My answer is I find fault with your basic premise. I love it. She's like, I believed I was healed by God. It's like, well, you know, have you considered that maybe you were neither healed nor was it from God? Every word in the beginning of that sentence. Wait, you know, maybe you were healed, but God is not antibiotics.

God is not radiation therapy. Did you take all 10 days of your God? Yeah, exactly. Like, did you take, because if you don't, all your building is stronger demons or whatever. They become God-resistant demons. I love this question because it is clearly, she

is one step away from our atheism on Reddit. I know, right? She's going to be there in a week. She poses it there and they're just like, oh. She's going to be there in a week. Oh, honey. In a week. Well, hold on a second. If there was a God, why would he heal you and give you the ailment back after you praised him? Because he's a dick!

He's a dick! That's the only logical reason. That would be the only way. We had a dick. That's the only logical reason. That would be the only way we had a conversation, I think, with Noah when he was in when he was in studio and we're like, yeah, if you're going to say that God's just a dick, then it'd be much harder to argue against God. But when you say he's benevolent, it's super easy to argue. There are small fish in rivers that will swim up your urine stream and live in your penis. God is an asshole if he's real.

That's not something you create if you're a benevolent God. So are they constantly swimming upstream? They just always swim upstream. They're like tiny salmon. The bitch of it is, in order to prevent them them you need tinier bears to eat them i put tiny bears and i put a small fishing ship up my penis to try to stop the small salmon it's like it's like the penis version of like swallow to fly to catch a spider you just got you got the whole crew that crap show on discovery in your penis. What is it?

The deadliest. It's the deadliest crotch. Oh my God. It'd be a great venereal disease. I'm sorry. You've got the deadliest catch. It's not. Is it okay?

Am I going to be okay? No, it's the deadliest catch. You've got the deadliest crotch. There's no, you can't, there's no getting back that back. It's not. Is it okay? Am I going to be okay? No, it's the deadliest catch. You've got the deadliest crotch. So there's no, you can't, there's no getting back that back. It's the worst. You're just basically shooting crab pots. And there's some, and there's some wise cracking guy throwing a buoy out of there.

It's kind of grim. Hold on. You get the stethoscope out. Oh yeah. It's not good. You Oh, yeah, it's not good. You just hear the sonar. That's not good. I can hear the ocean in there. He puts your face by the clock.

Oh, classic sign of the deadliest crotch. That's no good. That's horrible. All right, let's hear Pat. Let's hear Pat. He doesn't top that, I bet. Well, you remember Jesus gave a teaching about a demon. He said, you know, after the demon is cast out of a person,

he goes into arid land seeking some place, and then he goes back to the house that he left, and he finds it swept and garged, and he brings seven more worse than himself. Well, then why would you send him out in the first place? Well, I said there's no reason to send him out if he's just going to exponentially get bigger. Like, we'll just be

like, well, fine. I guess I'll just have this fucking small person, this little person demon in the house rather than seven giant demons. Is there no way to close the door after you clean your house? You got like this metaphysical house. You just fucking cleaned it and swept it. You got things all

spring and spruced up. It's like Hotel California. Once they check in, they can never leave or whatever. Exactly. Like Motel 6. 6. Nice. White evangelists have no problem locking black people out.

You'd think they'd have no problem locking the demons out. So disease has a certain life to it. Some diseases, they're like animate creatures, and they want to go back to the house where they left. And you have to fill that void with something. With medicine. So what you do is you just take in a bunch of medicine or radiation or chemotherapy, and it gets rid of it. There's a virus-shaped hole in my heart.

And I have to fill it with more viruses? I need this little... What? The fuck? She said she prayed. He's going to say, like, you got to fill it with something. He's going to suggest it's fucking Jesus.

Yeah. But she already thanked Jesus. What else does she need to do? Okay, like, you got to fill it with something. He's going to suggest it's fucking Jesus. Yeah. But she already thanked Jesus. What else does she need? Okay, fucking here we go. Old man winter. That's what the teaching was. You have to be filled with the spirit of God. And that disease is gone.

But you somehow welcome it back. It isn't God putting it back. The disease wants to come back and you receive it. It's your fault. You're the worst person ever. I thought I got rid of my dysentery, but it's my fault because I still have dysentery. What the fuck is happening? What an asshole.

That is some loving, generous advice. Jesus Christ. Yeah, I'm really trying to understand why I'm so sick all the time. Well, maybe it's because you're a cunt, Laura. It's like that old stupid story where they're like,

I prayed hard enough and I didn't get raised. I know. It's the same awful story. Dang, it's the same shit. I prayed real hard and I didn't get the cancer.

Jesus. Maybe if you're resting bitch face didn't let demons back in. I had to chop off a titty but he's back now and and now I've got to lose both my legs. Begin to

stand against these things. So, that's all I can say. It's your fucking fault. Sorry, it's your fault. Well, what do I do about it? What does she do? She already thanked Jesus. She already prayed, too. I've tried nothing, and I'm all out of ideas. God. Alright, here's one from Bell.

How do I know God can hear me? Newsflash, he isn't there. How do I know God can hear me? Oh, this is great. I've been praying to have a family of my own and for help in my struggle with polycystic ovary syndrome. Am I being impatient? Well, you didn't even tell him how long you've been trying to have a family.

Yes, you've been being impatient. If you were like an hour ago, like, we should get pregnant. Are we pregnant already? That would be fucking impatient. God or no God. If you're on the operating room table and you're tapping your foot, there's a problem. While you're in there, can you shove a baby in there? Is there like a daycare where there's babies no one is using?

You could just stick one in there. So I just want to birth it later. You could turn this thing into like a clown car slash potato gun. So I could just shoot them out across the room. I'll just marry a dugger. I don't know enough about your circumstances to give you a legitimate answer, but...

Then why'd you choose this question? Your editorialist board chose the questions. You're like, I don't have enough... What did... No, you only get three fucking questions? I got three pieces of email this week. Of course God hears you, but you remember that... But he might not give a shit about

you. He doesn't. Right? God hates you. He told me personally last night. Who he fucking hates? That other chick? I only can hear him because I have these huge ears. Story about Daniel praying and the angel. And he had

ovary problems too or what? Daniel had a bitch of a time getting pregnant. I'll tell you what. Daniel's ovaries were huge. I came to him and said, look, I've been fighting the Prince of Persia. Took me a while. Did Persia have an R at the end of it when he was fighting it too? When he was fighting the Prince of Persia, it took him a while because that game is hard to beat.

It is a difficult game. It's real hard. That time slow shit is difficult to master. So I get it. You've been fasting and praying, but I've been having this. Maybe all the fasting isn't making you any stronger in fighting people. Maybe that's literally a terrible idea. You should have some protein, bro.

David, how are your ovaries? Are they okay? It's a battle, but I'm on the way. You just have to be patient. So I think God'm i'm on the way you just you know have to be patient so i i think god's answer is on the way but you have to be patient you'll be dead by the time it gets here if you wait long enough either your prayers will be answered or you'll become demented and forget what they were either your prayers will be answered or they won't and we have literally no way of knowing that so just be well your prayers would have come true

if you hadn't been such a bitch and died and here's the real answer be patient and shut the fuck up right yeah that's the real answer i love that his like his answers are like stop asking me these stupid questions this is your segment this is your job like you chose to make this your segment it's also your job to hold out your weird stick divining rod and tell us what he means. I know. That's your job too. Am I being, I like that his answer is like, yeah, you're being impatient. Saddle the fuck down.

Hold on, I'm listening. Just get fucked more. I put my satellite dish up to the ceiling. Never stop. Always pray. Continually pray. Continually seek God. Continually thank Him. Like in the Burger King drive-thru.

Like, I can't order and pray at the same time. A-B-P. Always be praying. Ma'am, I'm sorry. We don't have a Hail Mary on the menu. I apologize. And you'll have an answer. All right. Here's one from Kathy. She says, my friends can all hear the spirit of God talk to their spirits.

What are you just eavesdropping on it? Like my spirit is having this conversation with God. It's not me. I wasn't. I was basically like I was reading the spirit's phone when they were asleep. Like they were on the toilet. They have a diary. I gave my heart to the Lord years ago,

but I don't hear his voice. Could I be unsaved? I have felt unloved for years because of this. Oh, that is so sad. That is, I will say this. That's so sad. These stories, these are all sad. And the reason why this one's sad is because, you know, she's been duped for

her whole life that God's supposed to talk to you. And all of her friends are like, oh, yeah. Yeah, he talks to me all the time. She's just like, I've felt unloved for years. Yeah, now you feel like the crazy person. That is so sad. I bet he's going to say something super kind and reassuring. I imagine all of your friends,

I don't know that many people hear the voice of God. It's very unusual. It isn't something that all your buddies hear God's voice. If they do, that they're fake. Your friends are liars. They're liars. I really believe that. I mean, in a sense, if we're open, as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they're the sons of God. But God speaks to you from the scripture. He speaks to you from, you know, circumstances. He speaks from a lot of ways. So just open yourself and the spirit of God will speak to you.

All right. All right. Well, your comment is like, hold on a minute. That's terrible. Think about what he just said. He said it doesn't talk to you. It doesn't talk to you. But you just have to wait and he'll talk to you.

So now if he doesn't fucking talk to this woman, she's still going to fit. That's such mean advice. His initial advice was better. Like, look, they're all, it's not really, they're all right.

They're all lying to you. Just read this old book until it makes you feel better. That was okay. Fine. You know, you're in your fucking crate. Right. But then he fucking doubled down on,

but you know, you know, if you're good know if you're good enough you're good he'll still talk to you really really really want it likelihood is you're not good enough for lane she says our church won't let anyone serve unless they tithe is that biblical i can't find it in the word we tithe but i've known people who were hurt because of this policy they wanted to serve in various ministries, but were not allowed to. I, again, think that's unbiblical. I don't understand anything that says you've got to give a certain amount of money in order to serve God. I don't know that. But I think,

you know, God loves a cheerful giver. I'm not saying you have to. Here's the thing. You don't have to give a certain amount of money But you do have to give We don't have to fuck tonight But if you could just blow me a little That's what I would put on my Tinder profile Cheerful giver You are watching the beginning And the birth

Of the new world order And you want to call me crazy beginning, and the birth of the new world order. And you want to call me crazy? Go to hell. Call me crazy all you want. Oh, Cecil, this is the thing this week. Some right-wing watch. Dave, coach.

Not coach. Not a coach. Daubenmeier. The royal wedding was a psy-op to promote the blending of the races. What does he care about the royal wedding? I couldn't imagine something I could care less about than the royal wedding. Because this is a psy-op, man. This is to promote. First of all, I didn't know that the princess, she's a princess now, right?

Duchess, I think. Okay, I don't know how that works. I don't know how it works. Why are you a duchess if you married a prince? That's what I read somewhere. I have no idea. I don't know how any of that shit works. Dude, it's fucking all made up anyway. I know it's made up, but I don't even know how the made up parts work. It's like, I know Bub Rub shows up. Lord, you're a

fucking queen. You're a Duke of Edinburgh or whatever. Who fucking cares? Bub Rub cares when he shows up to knock on the queen's back door or whatever. Fuck him with his giant. Fuck all your weird fucking your majesty stuff. Who is going to own the swans? Cecil.

I didn't know that the Duchess of, of Meghan Markle or whatever. I didn't know she was black. I don't follow this stuff. Okay. I read a thing that says she was black. I don't follow this stuff. Okay. I read a thing that says she's black. I don't fucking know. I had no idea.

So I guess that's what Coach is objecting to. Okay, so she's part black or all black or... She just takes a drop is how that works. All right, so this is Coach. Now, he's wearing a tinfoil hat,

by the way. He's legitimately wearing a tinfoil hat right now. A baseball cap that's covered in tinfoil with a cross on it. Not even kidding. So this is the coach, not a coach. Here we go. Let me just lay it out there.

Because most people won't say it because they don't want to sound racist. But I'm a racist. So, hey, checkmate, non-racists. Most people don't want to sound racist. I don't mind as a racist. I'm kind of a racist. And I'm a little bit proud of it. And by proud of it, I mean, it's my actual identity.

Oh, geez. I'm just going to say it. You know that Prince Harry's wife is half black. Hold on. I could barely hear that from 1945. It's hard to hear from that far back. Half black and no one cares. Who cares?

It would be like getting mad that he's marrying a blonde. I wouldn't care if he was marrying a dude. He's marrying somebody that I'm not marrying. I wouldn't care at all. Right? You're right. You're right. It could be a stream of human beings.

He could marry all of India and I wouldn't care. In terms of my moral outrage around what Prince fucking Harry does with his fucking personal life. First off, who cares about a Prince Harry? Now, you care about a Prince Albert because that stings. That's different. That stings. I think it more than stings. That sounds... Stings is like, oh, I got some

Bactine on my cut. I will say stings seems like an inappropriate word for Prince Albert. That being said, you care about a Prince Albert, you don't care about a Prince Harry. I mean, just shade. It feels like you could even wear a condom over a Prince Harry. I feel like in 2018, a Prince Harry is a little rude.

Everyone likes a clean work surface. Is that why you get a Prince Albert so you never have to wear a condom again? I don't know that you get a Prince Albert because of decision making. I don't feel like you get a Prince Albert because of decision making. Like I don't feel like anybody gets a Prince Albert and then has a because of after, right? Like this is somebody who just put a hole in their dick. Do you remember there was a WWE wrestler

called Prince Albert a long time ago? What? No. Yeah, I thought there was. I remember a guy at a party he's like, I got a penis piercing. I'm like, that's terrible. Like, and then he just like pulled his dick out. Here's the thing. If you got a penis piercing, you have no problem pulling your cock out in front

of other human beings because it had to be out at least for a little while. You've got somebody to catch it. But I guess that's true. Just catch it. They put like one of those like dog handler nooses on it. I got it. I got it. Hey, bring over that post. nooses on it. I got it. I got it. Hey, bring over that post. Like tasing it.

Here's the thing. Do whatever you want with your genitals. Tom and I are just kidding. I don't care. We don't care what you do with your genitals. We're going to get the email though that's like, hey guys, here's why I do it. And you guys are being mean about my dick.

I don't care about your dick. I literally don't at all. Just put holes in all the things you want. Whatever. Yeah, literally. You could be Swiss cheese and walk around. I don't care about your dick. I literally don't at all. Just put holes in all the things you want. Whatever. Yeah, literally, you could be Swiss cheese and walk around. I don't care. If they're not the genitals that are in my life, I feel like I don't have an opinion about them. I really don't.

I really don't. If you were like, Tom, I'll pierce my shit and be like, hey, man, we don't always have to talk about everything. What I love is like, I wouldn't, I literally would not care about anybody. And I don't care about that just as much as I would care about somebody.

Harold. Prince Harry. Yeah. Harry, you're a wizard. Harry. If he went out and married a, I don't care if he marries the Hendersons.

I don't care if he, I don't care if he marries an animate trash can. I don't care if he marries an animate trash can. Like, it doesn't... Do you guys know that? Who cares? The Prince Harry's wife is half black. Now, wait a minute. You already said that. Okay, yeah.

You said that. No one in the world cares about that anymore but racists, okay? So we're just going to throw that out there. That ain't that royal bloodline lineage there is with them fellas. Isn't there a little bit of mixed blood coming in there? We're just...

This is so racist! Hold on. I know this is wrong. Let me get my copy of Mind Confluence and find out which page it's wrong on. What the fuck? If he was rifling through a book right now and it was mind comp,

you wouldn't be surprised. This is a guy who seems like at any moment he would, he could like look up startled, like who taught Frederick Douglass to read? Like, are you serious with this shit? He's like, he's like texting some eugenicist i know

right it's like what do you think a negro president and then i noticed something else yeah i just i get inquiring minds want to know you know that that did you see who did you see who performed the service no no i can't no no here's here. Here's what... No one cares who had a service even. Well, to be fair, there are a lot of people that care. There are a lot of people that find this interesting as

drama or trivia or... A lot of people... We have to acknowledge a lot of people care. No, I don't. I do not. A lot of people care about this. No. This is something many people care about. No, not. A lot of people care about this. No. This is something many people care about. No, I refuse to acknowledge that people care about this. I refuse. I reject the premise.

There's nothing in me that thinks that someone else should care about this. But like, who performed the service? Like, I don't remember the name of the lady that performed the service. You just had one like a. I just got married a month ago. And if you were like, what was her name? I'd be like, Bill. I don't know her name. Bill Billerson. Yeah, right. I don't remember

her name. I just can't believe that someone is such an emotional, busy body that they would give a fuck about someone else's wedding this much. To watch it on TV. And that's the truth, right? To be this, to be outraged,

oh, did you hear that? This is the same shit as like, did you hear that the neighbors like to do this? Sure, this is a guy who's talking to his neighbors about how fat the guy's wife is or something. Who performed the service? Did you guys follow that at all was it the bishop of canterbury or some official uh waspy guy that performed the

was it did i miss them or did we see the ultimate how do i say this? Racistly? How do I say it without sounding like more of a racist than I was a few minutes ago? I think I left the answer in my white hood. Is there any way to amplify my racism right now? What could I say?

What words could I use? A blending of the racist. One new world order, one world government. The blending of the. In the House of Windsor. It's like it's just it's just two people. Like what he seems to be missing is like it's not like everybody in England yesterday just took a fucking racially diverse spouse, right? It's just one couple.

There's been lots of couples that have coupled that are mixed races or fucking whatever he's worked up about. Mixed races. I feel like an asshole saying those words. I love that if you go to genealogy.com and you take your shit, you take the swab of your face and you send it to them,

your face swab says everybody's from Africa. Everybody's face swab has a little Africa. It doesn't matter. We're all mutts. We're all mutts. Race is no more than the expression of certain genetic traits.

It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Dig us all up. We're all the same skeleton. Coming together for the first time. A black Episcopal priest ministered before the wedding.

Somebody help me here. Am I overly... Racist? Yes. I'll help you. I'll help you, coach. You are a racist. I literally don't understand what he's even... Has he raised an actual objection yet? Or is he just

saying out loud what happened? And being incredulous about it. So far, he doesn't believe that these things have all taken place. ...sensitive here, or is anybody else picking up on it? Harry is sixth. Prince Harry is sixth from the throne. Oh, my fucking God, who cares?

Holy shit. You could not pay me to care about this. Did he say he's sixth from the throne? Yeah. Even if I were worried about the same crazy people stuff he's worried about, like what fucking Lannisterian series of events has to occur to get six dudes deep. Like fucking what if Megan Markle like sits on the throne,

then nothing because it's a fucking ceremonial position. She gets to be in charge of bub rubbing the swan i know like you don't do anything the one thing that bothers me about this is that people know how far or how distant harry is away from the throne i'm just like oh my god you're using brain space like you're using actual bits of your head to keep that information somewhere. I just, it's just like, I think all you get if you become queen is like a pretty necklace. Like I don't, like I don't think you get it. Like it's not like you get the fucking nuclear codes.

Yeah. Well, you definitely get a lot of money. I know they get a lot of money, but other than that, I don't know. But that's what I mean. It's like it's caught a lot of ribbons. You're basically like a PR director with a paycheck. You're like a guy who has a big key and a big check and a big pair of scissors. And you stand there and you go like, that's what you do.

His brother, William's first oh my god who fucking cares William has two sons they're who fucking cares I'm gonna tell you something if there was any chance that Harry was ever gonna be king of England he'd have to fuck his way to the top what are you talking about

do you think they really would have let him just choose any woman he wanted no yes 2018 we get to pick who we, 2018! We get to pick who we want to fuck! We get to pick who we want to marry! And also, the King of England isn't a thing anymore of power!

Like, it's just something for people, like, to be... It's tourism! Like, it's right! It's just something fun for people. It's a diversion. It's fucking watching Friends. It's just TV. It's just something fun for people. It's a diversion. It's fucking watching friends. It's just TV. It's no different than any other

mindless, entertaining diversion. If it's your fucking thing, it's your fucking thing, but it doesn't mean anything. The King of England can't invade France. They don't do that anymore. He doesn't get catapults and stuff. No, he can,

but he just does it alone, right? He has to ride across the channel alone. He makes it sound like the king of England is like, what would happen if the king of England... Then he'll just have the Turkish Empire. Well, what would he do then? I don't know. He'd do whatever the fucking prime minister tells him to do.

Because that's his boss. And cut another ribbon and hold another check and go, hello. That's who every fellow loved with. Of course not. No. So what's the message that's being sent to us? Do Harry, do they love each other?

Well, sure, they probably do. Remember Prince Charles married Diana and at the same time was having a love affair with Camilla the one he really really loved was Camilla but Camilla didn't make it the bloodline and I think she was divorced I think so wait I wasn't now now forgive me because I don't remember but I thought that the controversy was marrying Diana I don't know I thought Diana had a lover too. Didn't she have like a Saudi lover? Yeah, but as I recall, but as I recall as a young man, like it was a big deal that he married Diana because I don't think she

she was like a kindergarten teacher. Like she wasn't like a special like super amazing like we're going to merge two states here. She's just like a fucking lady. It doesn't make any difference anymore anyway. It's not how we merge. Well, it certainly doesn't make any difference anymore anyway. It's not how we merge. Well, it certainly doesn't make

any difference anymore. She's on a road somewhere. I know, right? Yeah, and nothing changed. Yeah. Right? Nothing changed. The princess died

and it wasn't like where there's a fucking power vacuum. Power vacuum princess. There's just a lady sitting out there. She gets sucked right into a trash.

She's like, fuck, I'm the princess now. We just got lady sitting out there. She gets sucked right into a trance. She's like, fuck, I'm the princess now. We just got to let it go. They weren't going to let him. He was heir to the throne. They weren't going to let him marry just anybody. So he had to marry a kindergarten teacher? I don't understand.

I don't know. But then they later let him marry anybody because he later married Camilla. Even in your crazy fucking literally tinfoil hat worldview, you're wearing an actual tinfoil hat. Oh my God.

And now all of a sudden, six to the throne. He ain't never going to be king. Now it's okay for the crown to be the first. I am So much stupider for having heard that Is he just saying

Like he's just being super racist For the whole thing right mixing of the Blood they had a black preacher Do you believe it can you believe that there was a black Priest like that black people Can be men of God or whatever he was Saying with that all the way to get to the end to be like the reason why they let him do it is because they're as racist as i am

the reason why they let him do it is because they're as racist as me and they both they know that he's never going to be in real power you can you can go projecting his own racism run along and have your little black wife yeah because you don't matter. Yeah. Right? Yeah. But anyone that matters has to take a white wife like all good people do. All good people. What a terrible

human being. So Tom, I want to take a minute to talk about our sponsor adamandeve.com. Remember that if you go to adamandeve.com and you enter glory at checkout, you'll get 50% off almost any item of free sex swing and free shipping. But we got a message from someone who said that since we've had this deal going, they've been to Adam and Eve a couple of times. And so they have a couple of sex swings.

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Trump's cancellation of summit with Kim raises fears of renewed tensions, destabilization. So other than the Stormy Daniels affair, I think this is the only time that he's actually pulled out based on the number of kids that he's sired. Maybe that $130,000 goes to buy a good abortion. So President Trump on Thursday decided, fuck it. I'm not meeting with Kim anyway.

The historic summit that like people were legitimately excited about. And I have to admit, I was legitimately excited about it. I was excited to see the meeting between the North and South Koreas. I was excited to see sort of the spirit of detente that was kind of taking place. But it seems like the Trump administration cannot play nice. The Trump administration has to bluff and bluster and bully and push. And it's, it's like,

you can't do that with Kim. You cannot do it with this guy. He's got a tenuous grip on power. You know, all autocrats to some degree have a tenuous. Sure. Yeah. Right.

Yeah. And this is a guy who rules, I think because, um, or, or is constantly in a state of existential threat. Right. If you're Kim Jong-un, you don't you are not in power because the people want you. They didn't vote you.

Right. Exactly. Which means that you are you are always in a state of existential threat. So you can't push guys like that publicly because they're not allowed to back down. Right. So you can't push guys like that publicly because they're not allowed to back down. They've created a persona and a narrative which does not allow them any flexibility diplomatically to back down. So then should we ever, ever be optimistic about any talks with them? Because they're only going to get what they want then because they can't back down.

No, I think you can be optimistic, but I think you've got to be the one that flexes, right? Well, what would we give them that they, like they have to do something, right? Negotiations require them for, require a give and a take. Yeah. But I think, I think like you don't take, you, you, you have to enter into negotiations with a spirit of conciliation when you're working with people that can't flex, right? So, so, so model it more like after the Iran deal, which is a ton of money up front. And then cancel it. And then, you know, it's really interesting because his base, you know, for the longest time, when Obama, there was a talk that Obama was maybe going to meet with them. There was a huge

backlash. No, you shouldn't meet with them. No, you shouldn't meet with them. The right was not for that at all. But the moment talks had a chance to open up with him, everybody was for it, including the left, the left for, I think a vast majority of us were all like talking is better than shooting missiles. Let's do that. But I do think things change from Obama to Trump. I think, you know, Kim was, is testing nuclear weapons at a higher rate, higher pace. Sure. I think the meeting with South Korea kind of opened doors to optimism that weren't there before. But I think that when you look at the left and the right,

I think both sides were both like, I mean, I know that I'm sure there were some people who were like, this is a bad idea. Oh yeah. But I also think like, you know, there was a lot of people who were optimistic about it because I think like for the most part, I think everybody's kind of happy about that.

I think a lot of people were happy about the Iran deal too, but I think the difference is, is that, you know, the Iran deal had Obama's name on it. It didn't have Trump's name on it. And so Trump wanted to get rid of it because it was a legacy thing that he didn't want to have to enforce because he didn't want to, he didn't want to get credit. He didn't get credit. So he doesn't want it. But that deal specifically was front loaded with a lot of money for them. The incentive was all back loaded for us, right? So like the incentive is you guys phase your shit out. Now, so far they were following the protocols.

They were doing the things. And then they also got opened up from sanctions. There was a ton of other nations that wanted to deal with them because of that. And they got, you know, it was economically awesome for them. And it was economically good for other places in the world too. And so it was a pretty good deal, but it was initially front-loaded.

So there was like a lot of money that they got initially. So you got to do something, I think, like that with North Korea. You've got to front-load it in some way so that they get something big now and then they phase their nuclear system. Right, but I totally agree. And Trump did not do that.

What Trump basically said was, look, we'll open things up once you have completely dismantled your program. And instead Kim was like, look, you know, I'm going to do a phased stepped approach to eliminate the program. The idea would be that, you know, I'll give a little, you give a little, I give a little, you give a little, right. So, and, and then I think. It's his only bargaining chip. Right. And I think the real kicker is when we said like, no, the only thing we're open to is a Libya model because you look at what happened in Libya. And, and this is

what even the, the, the North Korean said is they're like, yeah, the Libya model, you fucking, you took their, their nuclear program away from them. And then a handful of years later, that guy's being dragged through the fucking street dead. Yeah. So, yeah, I'm going to pass on the fucking Libyan model. Yeah. I really think that part of the problem here is that the negotiations between these two parties

is taking place in a public sphere. Yeah. You can't have these negotiations, even if you're going to say, look, here's the deal, hard line, whatever that means when you do it publicly you don't give anybody the ability to say yes kim can't say yes to this this is a guy who again i think he does face existential threats on every level internationally

and domestically so this is a guy who can't ever be seen to be weak if you've got a guy who can't be weak or can't be in a in a in a lesser power position then you got to take those things offline these fucking guys are doing it over twitter yeah what the fuck is going on in the world public mass they're sending public letters one of the public here's a letter i wrote called my bombs are bigger than yours go fuck yourself one of the pieces of it, Trump Trump notes said that the U.S. military is ready if necessary to take action against North Korea if it engages in foolish or reckless act and that South Korea and Japan

are willing to shoulder the costs. So the threat to South Korea and North Korea has said this is like we can send a barrage of missiles into Seoul and reduce Seoul, South Korea to fucking cinders within minutes. Yeah. And we're saying like, don't fuck with us.

We'll blow your shit up. And our buddies have already said they'll take the black eye. They're willing to take the black eye. So we're putting, we're saying like South Korea, Japan will eat shit. We're willing to put you on the line. Right. That's what we're saying. I'll put my friend on the line to eat my shit for me.

Yeah. And then the mountain, he destroys the mountain. Right. But like, you know what I mean? Like fucking the mountains. Right. That's what we're saying. I'll put my friend on the line to eat my shit for me. Yeah. And then the mountain, he destroys the mountain. Right. But like, you know what I mean? Like fucking the mountains falling apart.

And it's falling apart. It's like it's falling apart because he blew it up so many times. He just kept on like sticking it. All of the solutions like blow it up again more.

You know, if you have a dead cat and you keep sticking firecrackers in, eventually you're going to blow the tail off. Regardless how many times it works.

There was a part of this article. One of the guys, a former South Korean nuclear negotiator with the North, said it's better to have no summit than a disastrous summit. I guess that's true. I guess that, yeah. I mean, the same is true for sex.

I feel like if there's no summit during sex, then it's a pretty disastrous summit. There's no summit. Maybe disastrous is strong. One of you's got a summit, okay? If nobody summits? If nobody summits. Yeah.

That's, you got to get ice cream then. Like that's just it. You're just like, ah. No, it's, well, let's just cuddle. I'm going to drown myself in bread pudding. I wonder if that $130,000 was cuddle money. For everyone who's a valedictorian, there's another hundred out there that they weigh 130 pounds and they've got calves the size of cantaloupes because they're hauling 75 pounds of marijuana across the desert. This story is also from the Washington Post.

Three reasons moderate Republicans are backing an immigration vote. So this is specifically talking about young immigrants brought into the country illegally when they were children. So that's specifically about some path to citizenship for people who didn't choose to be here. Right. And so there is a push on the Republican side to back some pathway to citizenship. Yeah. And there's some interesting reasons. Let's go over the reasons and chit chat about them a little bit.

One, they represent Hispanic Republican districts. That's fucking self-serving best interest, right? Like, if I'm a Republican... They're all self-serving. Oh, yeah. All of these reasons are very self-serving. None of these are because it's wrong. Because those people deserve...

You know, they didn't choose to be here, but they deserve a right to be in this country. None of those reasons are that. No. Let's just cross that off right now. They're all self-serving. This is like, there's a bunch of guys that are Hispanic and I'd like to not lose their vote. Yeah, I'd like to not lose their vote. That's number one.

So that's it. And similarly, most face competitive re-election fights or are retiring. Yeah. So this is a hot button issue and there's no good side to be on. Well, the only people that are doing it for altruistic reasons in any way are the people retiring. Yeah. Those are the only people. Because they recognize they have nothing to lose. Yeah.

So they can actually do the right thing. So they can do something. Think about that for a second. What does that say about the Republican party? No, no, no. What does that say about the value of term limits? Yeah. Right?

That right there is why we need strict short term limits, because people are only incented to do the right thing when they're in power for the right reasons for a finite amount of time. The reason why they're doing it is so that they look good in front of other people. How do you look good? By being altruistic. Oh, well, it's not that that's your choice. It's not that you woke up in the morning and wanted to be a good person. It's just savvy politicking. Right.

Politicking. Politicking? Politicking is nuts. Here's the other one. Others are acting on behalf of farmers in their district. So I thought this one was really interesting. So like we've talked about this before, but America is and has always been an economy built on migrant and immigrant labor, both legal and illegal labor, right? So we've never not been that. The farming industry, the dairy industry, the meatpacking industry, the construction industry, these are industries which rely very heavily on illegal immigrants as their source of labor.

Fucking these people over ruins their lives. These are all people that are voting with their dollar, right? These are people who are like, you know, I don't like them brown folks, but I sure do like paying them pennies on the dollar. So I got to keep my livelihood. Yeah. That's what's embedded here. And again,

this is a really self-serving shitty reason for this, for these people to turn around and do this sort of thing. Yep. It's just, it's just crazy to me. I mean, I'm not saying that there are, there aren't Democrats on the other side that aren't doing it for the votes.

Right. I'm sure there's many. Right. And I also want to, on a squash. Right. I'm sure there's many. Right. And I also want to squash the idea that I'm for like open borders. Right. Like I know, like I think a lot of people automatically have to either be like, let's put a revolving door somewhere or there should never be an immigrant in this country ever. And so like there's there's a there's plenty of middle ground to be had in between those

two extremes. Right. I know I fall certainly closer to, you know, I don't care that people are immigrants here, you know, like it doesn't bother me that people are immigrants. In fact, I think immigrant culture and immigrants into the nation is a good, you know, it's good for our nation. It's healthy. So I fall clearly on one side of this, but at the same time, you know, there's a lot of people that are Democrats that they don't, they don't have this idea that like, you know, I'm doing this because I think it's the right thing to do.

They're doing it because they want to get votes. I'm not saying that that's the case. But there's at least in one of the parties, if you were being altruistic or if you were being, you know, thinking about somebody other than doing it for something other than self gain. Yeah. There's really only one side for you. Or you got to retire. You could do it once and then you're done. It's the most asinine thing in the world to throw people away like this.

Good people. It doesn't make any sense. There should be a path to citizenship for somebody who didn't choose to come here either through the military or through going to college or through owning... You know what I mean?

We talked about this. There's plenty of ways in which they should be able to become citizens it's an asinine thing to do to throw away young people who are willing to either work or be you know be involved in our society be citizens of this country be willing to be citizens of this country and to willfully throw them away is stupid it's just genuinely stupid and once the border is secured at a later date, we'll make a determination as to the rest. But we have some bad hombres here and we're going to get them out. So the story is also from the Washington Post. Trump again smears a large immigrant community with the violent actions of a few people. So this is this is Trump again talking about the MS-13 gang. Yeah, He has got he's crazy about MS-13.

He really is. MS-13, he has created a conflated boogeyman. So MS-13 is a gang. They're a bunch of bad dudes. Whatever. Fine. They're bad hombres. Right. Yeah. Exactly. Oh my God. Oh my God. Some of them are bad guys. The real bad guys.

The worst kind of guys. So fine. All right. MS-13 the worst kind of guys. Yeah. So, fine. All right. MS-13, criminal gang. Sure. Whatever. Yeah. He creates a narrative which grossly exaggerates the number of folks involved with MS-13.

Yeah. As well as the impact on society in terms of their criminal activity. Sure. That MS-13 has. He makes it seem, and the crazy part is that people believe this. He makes it seem like everywhere you go, there's fucking heads rolling in the street because the MS-13 gangs are just taking over the country. Somehow, none of us have noticed this, right?

Because they are statistically insignificant. Yeah. And then he conflates MS-13 with all immigrants. We're basically saying like, look, of all these young people that are coming in, all these undocumented young people, a huge number of them are MS-13. He uses the words, they're all not so innocent.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. And by saying that, he's painting with a very broad brush and basically saying, look, there's a lot of people that are involved in this gang. There's a really great part of this article at the end where it says, Trump's political rhetoric is raw and unsubtle. Letting in immigrants means letting in people who are, quote, accused, are accused of stabbing a man a hundred times, decapitating him and ripping his heart out, unquote.

An act he described as having been committed by an MS-13 gang member. It is the same strategy he uses on terrorism. Some Muslims has committed acts of terrorism. Therefore, we must curtail immigration from heavily Muslim countries and drastically slow refugee resettlement. The event on Wednesday

was only a round table on immigration in the sense that, that Trump's not subtle about his intentions. It was equivalent of screening the movie Cujo as a sole component of a discussion about pet ownership. It's a great analogy. It is a great analogy. Perfect analogy. It's like showing a,

showing jaws for beach safety, right? There's a great analogy. It's a perfect analogy. It's like showing jaws for beach safety. Right? There's a great graph in this article which shows the statistically insignificant number of people that are involved in this gang and still like it's something. Yeah. No gang affiliation, 249,000 plus.

Non-MSN gang affiliation, 103. Tom? MS-13 gang affiliation 103. Tom? MS-13 gang affiliation 56. Yes. There's four and a half dozen people out of a quarter million or more.

And we're supposed to pretend that this represents some existential threat to the country. Some wild violence that is going to be visited upon, you know, men, women, and children. If only we couldn't do so. Won't somebody think of the children? There's four and a half dozen of these motherfuckers. Right.

You know, it's nothing out of a quarter million folks that came in. Yeah. We don't have a problem. We don't have an MS-13 problem. Remember the last time MS-13 was a big factor in your life, Cecil? Never. Yeah. We don't have a problem. We don't have an MS-13 problem. Remember the last time MS-13 was a big factor in your life, Cecil? Never?

Yeah. I don't know that I'd ever heard of him before this election cycle. It's a boogeyman that he creates in order to get us to shut the fucking closet door.

Yeah. Right? And this is the reason why he's going to allow, you know, ICE to do all the things that they're doing, you know,

and it's going to be the one thing that allows people to say, yeah, let's get rid of all these immigrants. I really feel like the immigration thing that he is stirring up, this is his terrorism, right? It's like he's going to sell you on the fear of immigrants, and then he's going to protect us from that fear. This is boring in how obvious it is.

So he's going to sell us on the fear of immigrants, then he's going to protect us from that fear. This is boring in how obvious it is. So he's going to sell us on the fear of immigrants. Then he's going to protect us from those immigrants. And oh my God, only Trump cares about us. And it's only through Trump that we are safe. Yeah. It's so insanely transparent, but immigrants do not pose a significant threat to our safety,

but they just statistically, they are not. They don't, they don't, they don't. But here's the thing though. It's hard to be on the other side of that and say, look, you know,

cause he's got people in the audience who've had people killed or something, you know what I mean? And so it's hard to be on the other side of that and be like, look, they're statistically insignificant. And there's someone sitting in front of them. That is a person just like you and you can empathize with them. So he doing all the right things here right so no matter how many the strategy well no matter

how many graphs you show these people they're all going to be like yeah but that lady right she lost a kid right and so yeah he's doing a great job of employing the strategy but it's so funny how that strategy doesn't work when it comes to school shootings or you know shootings on the west side of chicago or whatever. You can have a whole line of those people sitting there weeping and sobbing. Don't take my guns. Right. Well, I respect the move, but the entire thing has been a witch hunt.

And there is no collusion between certainly myself and my campaign. But I can always speak for myself and the Russians. Zero. This story is from the New York Times. How the Mueller investigation could play out for Trump. So as this goes on, as the Mueller investigation goes on and gets further and further, incidentally,

did you see the thing from Secretary of State Bubba Hotep or whatever the guy's name is? Bubba Hotep. Did you see that he acknowledged? He's like, basically, all right, fine. I'll give you that the FBI, the CIA, and the NSA

were all right in their conclusions that Russia influenced the election. Fine, I'll admit it. What? You got me on that one. Where are all those Twitter people? Where are all those Twitter people? It's so weird. It's so strange

that we got all these messages about like, you guys are fucking conspiracy theorists. Well, hey, motherfucker, where are you at? Where are you at? It's so funny because it's like, as time goes on, someone was arguing with me like this was very after Trump won the election. someone was arguing with me like this was very after like Trump won the election. And, you know, maybe for the first six months, they kept sending me messages about how how bad Hillary was and how awful and how Hillary was the one who influenced the Russians. And she's the one who came up with this, like this entire story that the Russians even did anything like she was the one who did it. And he kept sending me messages over and over. And after a while, he unfollowed

me. So I can't find these messages. But I want to send him a message back and be like, hey, bro, remember me? Do you remember this tweet? I kind of want to find one of those old shitty tweets just to be like this tweet really aged well. At this point,

you are a fucking idiot if you think anything. I mean, like every single organization is like now man that that happened right this happened yeah like and you know like it's it's funny because and i i posted something out that long ago it's like i'm amazed that everybody isn't upset about sure that amazes me and like the analogy that I gave was like, if Russia flew airplanes over the United States of America and dropped propaganda leaflets all over the United States, we'd shoot those planes down.

We would fire on those planes while they'd be invading our airspace. But still, like we, none of us would tolerate that. And still like we, we have just mountains of evidence from every uh intelligence agency that we have initials for at this point that are all like all right that happened yeah that just happened the secretary of state's like all right even i gotta tell you that totally happened yeah and there are still people are like no it doesn't seem like that big a deal let's not just quiet yeah i don't i don't know i genuinely doesn't seem like that big a deal. Let's not. Just quiet.

I don't know. I genuinely don't know what how big the effect was because that's never been revealed. Right. Like, I really I really want to know how big the effect was, because I think that's a valid question to try to figure out. Right. How big was that effect? Can we measure that effect in some way? I'm not saying that like like the one thing I don't want to do is make it seem like there wasn't a reason

Trump won. Yeah, I don't know that Hillary would have won without the Russians, right? I'm not even saying that. Yeah, no, no, and I get that. I get that. And I don't want to get off task in the sense that I'm saying like, let's just blame it all on the Russians because we were a disaffected shitty nation before anybody ever came over here and did anything

anyway, right? And we were also like, like, I think a lot of people were in denial that Hillary lost and such a buffoonish shit had got put in the presidency because that's a reflection of the United States. That's a reflection of all of us being like, oh, we are shitty. That's a moment of self-reflection. Many of us don't want to. Yeah, it hurts. So a lot of us were kind of like, there's got to be another reason yeah something happened and even the fucking people on the right

are like god did it nobody believed that it was possible even trump's like wait i did the what even trump didn't think he was gonna win right you know read that fire and fury book he didn't think he was gonna win that night either right so you know but i i don't want to lose sight of the fact that yes we did elect that guy now did he get you know in there because of some some meddling or some something on the yeah there was there's clearly something everybody's acknowledging that now that there was something right now we just need to figure out how much it was and regardless of how much it was like we should anybody who cooperated with the russians in allowing that to go forward.

Yeah. Anybody who, anybody, anybody who collaborated, like, then like you are guilty of working with a foreign government to subvert our democratic process. You're a treason. You're a treason.

You're a treason. You're a treason. You're a treason. You're a treason. You're a treason. That's like, that's treason. That's fucking crazy.

Treason. Yeah. Absolutely. Treason. It's crazy that like, this is not the biggest scandal of our generation. If this does not turn into the biggest scandal of our generation, what's Watergate by comparison?

Nothing. Watergate is nothing. Watergate is like, I broke into a hotel and I stole some documents. Are you kidding me? The Russians broke into America and tried to rig the election, even if they didn't do a good job. Yeah.

It's like, it'd be like saying like, and especially if you collect that, like they're saying, they're also saying like, like there has been many indictments. So let's not forget that there has been people who have pled guilty and many indictments thus far.

So it's not like this isn't happening and people aren't collaborating. They've been taught, you know, when you lie about the FBI, about talking to the Russians, right. And the Russians turn out to be involved in the rigging of the election. I don't know.

Maybe we could fucking put two and two together here. So Mueller, let's go to the story. Mueller is talking about this is a story about the different things that could happen. It's kind of got like a flowchart here. So let's kind of go through this. Can we stop for a second and say we're living in a time where we can look at a flow chart to decide whether or not our president was a treasonous fuck. We live in that time where there's a flow chart for that. I miss the teapot dome scandal.

You know, I don't know what that is, but I miss it. I'll tell you, I miss when they used to just hang Barack Obama in effigy. Simpler times, man. Simpler times. I would even be happy to be living when we had a dipshit, like half illiterate cowboy invading other countries on false pretenses. Yeah. Like that. Right.

I just, you know. Right. I know. Because that happened too. Yeah. Eight years of that. How did any of this happen? I don't know, Tom. We're living in the wrong snow globe, man. I am, man. I know. Because that happened too. Yeah. Eight years of that. How did any of this happen? I don't know, Tom.

We're living in the wrong snow globe, man. I am, man. All right. So Robert Mueller, he's got some options. All right. So first he finds no wrongdoing by the president. That happens. He's basically got to write a letter that says, He's got to write a, I'm sorry. Right.

And I'm signing a policy letter. He writes a letter. It's like, all right, look, I looked. Look, I worked real hard for a year. I'm done. Yeah. I gotta, I retire. Yeah. All right. So he finds that Trump broke the law. So here's his options. He's got three options. A less aggressive way, the Nixon option, and the most aggressive way, right?

We'll start at the most aggressive. Most aggressive way. He basically takes an order. He writes a letter and he turns it into a strap-on and he fucks President Trump. That's the most aggressive way. it into a strap on and he fucks president. That's the most aggressive way, which he's come out and said, that's not going to happen. Right? So, well, here's the thing. He'll do it, but you got to pay him $130,000. He'll shit on your chest when he's done.

Rubs it around with the order, just smears up so it does it does appear from things that i read that that's not really on an option on the table because he agrees with the legal assessment that a sitting president is immune to it shouldn't be invited yeah less aggressive he leaves the decision up to congress which has the power to impeach and the nixon option is he asked a grand jury to deem trump a co-conspirator co-conspirator and send a report to Congress. So a strongly worded letter. Yeah. The less aggressive option,

he writes a long letter to Congress about what a duty head Trump is. Then Congress has to act on that, right? So that goes to Rod Rosenstein. He's the attorney general. He could take that and send that to Congress and he'd probably have to do that, right? The other thing he could do is refuse to send it to Congress, and then the lawmakers could say, no, you really got to send that to Congress.

Right? That's how I read this chart. Then Congress gets the letter. Yeah. If the Congress gets the letter, they could just ignore the letter. And then the silver here, the silver box at the bottom that makes me real sad says Trump remains in office. I love that all this could happen and they could go to Congress

and Congress could basically issue a cool story bro memo. And it turns out two of those, two of those options could wind up leading to Trump remains in office. Trump remains in office. Yeah.

Or lawmakers... Actually, all three. All three could, yeah. So, or lawmakers could use the information to attempt impeachment. Yeah. And then impeachment proceedings would be the right. The ultimate. Right. But that doesn't necessarily mean the person gets impeached. that goes to the grand jury. So it goes to a grand jury and then the grand jury has to say like, hey, here's a report about Trump and then they send that to the House Judiciary Committee. So that kind of bypasses

the other step. And Mr. Mueller would have to get Rosenstein's permission to do this. Rosenstein would approve this or reject the approach. If he rejects the approach,

he has to go to Congress. It goes to Congress. This is like a weird do not pass goal, do not collect $200. Congress, again, has to go to Congress. It goes to Congress. This is like a weird... Do not collect $200. Congress, again, has the option to say, cool story, bro, and do nothing. They can just ignore it.

I will tell you what. If they just ignore a letter, specifically if there's some sort of report that gets out, and they just ignore it, I pity them in 2020. This is like, they could treat this like my high cholesterol. The most

aggressive option is pointless to talk about. He's not going to happen. It's just not going to happen. He could improve that. And Roy's in scene, if it does happen, can improve the indictment and then it would go to the Supreme Court or he could reject the indictment and then it would go to the Supreme Court or he could reject the indictment and then go to Congress

and if Congress takes it, they could ignore it or they could go for impeachment proceedings. I can't believe they have the option of just ignoring this shit. I know, I know. What crazy fucking bizarro universe are we living in? It's crazy that there's, I don't know, man.

At this point, we have a fucking flow chart. Might as well just have a spinny wheel there's, I don't know, man. Like at this point, like we have a fucking flow chart. Might as well just have a spinny wheel for what he gets. I know, right? Brand new car! You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers! I want the truth! You can't handle the truth! This story's from Right Wing

Watch. This is Alex Jones. The Democratic Party uses MS-13 to kill people. Who just random? Yeah, they've killed people. Yeah, well, you use the 56 of them to kill people. Like, I

love that in Alex Jones's world, there's evidently a lot of high-level assassinations going on. Well, that you never hear about. Right. Well, that's what I mean, right? Like, this is a Alex Jones's world, there's evidently a lot of high-level assassinations going on. Well, that you never hear about. Right. Well, that's what I mean, right? Like, this is a guy who's like, he's watched too much. What's that fucking French movie where that guy teaches, like, Leon?

He's a professional. Professional, yeah. This guy thinks that's a fucking documentary. People are shooting each other in the head with silenced pistols. Right. They just have, like, they're just assembling guns out of briefcases and are sniping each other from rooftops. He just has a pistol that he carries around and shoots other people with. Right. Never hear about it.

Really? All right. So let's listen to Alex Jones. I hate this guy. So think about that. Nancy Pelosi is in essence saying, don't call this guy an animal or a monster. Because she's saying about MS-13 thousands of times worse conservatively than this killer. In the aggregate, she's saying, don't talk bad about them.

And they're all acting sad because the Democratic Party uses MS-13 to kill people. I bet he's going to offer up. Hold on. Hold on now. He's probably going to offer up. Hold on. Hold on now. He's probably going to offer up a series of proofs. Let me just say. Evidence. If let's say,

let's say you're the democratic party. Okay. And you use MS-13 to kill people. Okay. How would it hurt your feelings that someone called it an animal? Cause they're literally. Wouldn't you be quiet about that? Be like,

um, no, they're not. Wouldn't that be that awkward thing where it's like i'm not like let's just change the subject you know hey ms13 is killing people what i i know what you're talking about ms13 is that a new kind of car what is that this coleslaw is delicious i have confirmed this with our law enforcement and army sources i've confirmed army so what the fuck would the army have to do with this? The army? There's a lot of MS-13 in the army.

What the fuck was the army? It's one of those little packets of coleslaw you get. They just have to put over that weird little hot packet. I think they're talking about MREs and those things that will kill you. MS-13s. Oh, God. What'd you get for your MS-13 tonight? Oh, fucking pot roast again.

Give me terrible gas. CIA sources that the democratic party uses. You don't have a CIA. So the CIA are spies that don't talk about spy stuff. The first rule of spy club is don't talk about spy club. I love all the people that are trolling them that are like sending them emails about being in the CIA. He's getting like

some weird unsecured Gmail right now. Hello. My name is CIA. I have a story for you. I am Mr. CIA. Party uses MS-13 nationwide from Chicago to Dallas, Texas, from Austin, Texas to L.A.

Well, OK, so. OK, so the none of the East Coast. I'll just say East of Chicago. Not a bit of the East Coast. Free of that. You could be in Bowling Green, Ohio. You're totally fine. You're fine.

I would say, like, if you're in Bowling Green, Ohio, the likelihood that anybody knows you're there and wants to kill you is minimal. God, no. Let's remember the Bowling Green massacre, Tom. I don't know if you remember. Oh, it didn't happen? I forgot about that one. It didn't happen. Tell us all about

the Bowling Green Massacre. I forgot about that. Wait a minute. Why didn't that ruin his career? I don't know. We're citing fake massacres? What? You know, like,

that's why there's a part of me that's like, there's just no other crazier thing. The massacres. It's awesome.. The fakeest of the massacres. It's awesome. When you're creating your own massacres, like, and then you, and the thing is, is why should anybody care what Trump has to say about anybody after he's created his own fake massacres? I just, like, when that happened.

How do you believe him about MS-13 then? but the thing that kills me is that there's such like there's so many things that have happened that I forgot about that almost everybody listening to this podcast right now also forgot about that the people that were victims of the Bowling Green Massacre never forget

never forget that's what we need we need a Bowling Green Massacre shirt. Never forget. Oh my. That is another great idea. That's what we need. You know what else we need?

Huh? We need one of those stupid fucking ribbons. You know what I mean? Yes. We need a Bowling Green Massacre ribbon. What color should it be, guys? What color should it be? Oh, we need green.

We need it to be. How is it not? How is it not? What color green should it be, though? There's many shades. Let us know what color green it it to be. How is it not? How is it not? What color green should it be, though? There's many shades. Let us know what color green it needs to be. It needs to be one of those stupid bumper stickers. We need to make a magnet.

That's the Bowling Green Massacre. Oh, God. Never forget. I love it. It's topical. They use them as their secret army, and they know Trump's got a war going against MS-13 and has wiped thousands of them out. There's so thousands where are they where are these people where's the

front lines of this war i want to know where the front lines of this war is i is it is it 1989 again where there's just like the streets are ruled by gangs? Is there a Terminator somewhere that just got landed? The fuck? I feel like every time he talks, we should hear. Rested thousands more. Because what else isn't in the news? When MS-13 fights back, they're getting smoked by the u.s military all over this country

right now and where is any of this happening this is the u.s military is like engaged in firefights with criminal street gangs from el salvador and nobody's talking about this it's real how is this not like we you live in Chicago. Did you not? Would you not have heard that this happened? Somebody shoots up a school in Houston and it's the it's the news for 12 straight days. MS-13 is having firefights with the U.S. military on our streets and nobody hears anything. And it's a secret that the CIA has to tell us about. Thousands of these people are disappearing as they get killed and rounded up. The thing is, they said that only 50 or so of these people are immigrants.

Right. So the rest of them are all natural. Right. These are all natural. Thousands of natural citizens are just up and disappearing. And everybody's like, huh, that's weird. By the U.S. military. What do you citizens are just up and disappearing. And everybody's like, huh, that's weird. By the U.S. military?

What do you want from McDonald's? Yeah. What are we going to watch on Netflix tonight? What is... Did you want pickles on that or no? This Democrat dirtbag's pissed. Her meth-dealing army is in the crosshairs,

you dirty, old, evil, globalist whore. What? What. What? What? What? He can't even control himself anymore. He called Nancy Pelosi a whore. Get out of here with your big whore mouth. Who's paying Nancy Pelosi the fuck?

I don't know that I'd pay, but I definitely wouldn't turn it down. That's what I mean. I mean, come on. It's Nancy Pelosi. She's a slut, not a whore. Nancy Pelosi. If you're listening, give me a call.

That's all I'm saying. Bring MS-13. Let's do this. Let's get weird, Nancy. Come on. It's only weird if you make it weird. I'm just fucking railing her next to some dude with a neck tattoo. It's got like all the people.

It's got like Roman numerals of all the people he killed or whatever. Every time she comes, you get one of those fucking teardrop tattoos. I saw it on your face. Did I say I drop. While you're having sex with her, the worst part is while you're having sex with her, you got to dodge all the U.S. military. It's like,

it's aerobic. Come fast. The air force is coming. Whatever. Make it more. The more the merrier. Come on in. Strike in this thing.

In this thing. In this thing. In this thing. It's old lady pussy. All right. Call it what it is. Ring a bell. Can I hear him call her? I just want to hear it

one more time. I want to hear the whole... Because here's him winding up. Look at his face. His face. Just go and pause it at 55 and look at his face. It amazing all right so this is him winding up by the u.s military all over this country right now and this democrat dirtbags

pissed her meth dealing army is in the crosshairs you dirty old evil globalist whore selling this country out you're a pimp sorry not a whore whore. You use it. Oh, thanks. Thank goodness. I'm glad he called it back, Tom. I was a little worried. So wait a minute. If she's the pimp and she's selling the country then we're the whores. He just called you a whore, America. Jesus. You know, you shouldn't take that.

You should send the military after him. No, no. If I'm a whore, I want my money. Yeah, no kidding. Hey, Pelosi, where's my money? Where's my cut of this shit? I'm giving up my ass all the time This is whores Here is the monster pig Here is the monster pig

What does that mean? Oh, God I love that he just Whore Yowzer That's fucking amazing Like responsible journalists do. It's fucking baller.

We got a message from Elvis and Elvis sent. Oh, my God. The story is amazing. And it's a story from Science Mag. And it's a story about a Republican who says that rocks tumbling into the ocean are causing sea levels to rise he's basically saying that the reason why there has been this this is increase in and and water levels is because rocks falling in have displaced enough water to make sea levels rise and at one point in this article, Tom,

he's talking about how, well, they haven't risen as much as they said. And the one person's like, yeah, you only took sea levels from one place. You didn't take them from many places. He's like, well, what is, did I do it wrong? Like, yeah, you did it wrong. The answer's like, yeah, you did it wrong.

Yeah, the earth isn't all one place. You need more measurements than that. And he's just like, well, the white cliffs of Dover are falling in. It's like, this is a guy who's like, okay, so if I have a bathtub full of water and I, I displace some of the water with my soft, shitty, flabby body, right? Right. The water rises. And it's like, all right, you know, yeah, it's true. But I feel like you've got an issue of scale here, big guy. Like, has he never seen the ocean?

Is he unfamiliar with it? He's like fucking grandeur. He's like from Iowa or something. He's just like, what ocean? I've seen rivers, but I've never seen an ocean before. That's got to be it. You want to be like, get a swimming pool. Put a yardstick in your swimming pool.

And then throw a handful of gravel. Throw 150 pounds of stone in there. Yeah. You know? Throw a ton of gravel. You could throw almost a ton of gravel in there. Yeah, it's going to displace some, but it's not going to displace that much. You know what I mean?

Even just in a swimming pool. You could see this in a tub. mean like even just in a swimming pool like you could see this in a toilet this is like like this is a guy who doesn't understand how big the fucking oceans are he's from alabama too don't they border the ocean okay yeah okay he's from alabama so we can't read and he's never been to a science class doesn't alabama have a coastline so story this this is from Nicholas. Nicholas is writing about my query as to what's the big deal with Hollywood. And he brings up a good point. He basically says, look, for some people, Hollywood is very influential. And he basically says pop culture for some people is very influential in terms of making people feel connected to the larger world.

And if you are part of a religious group, you're basically an isolationist. You want to keep people away from pop culture and away from things that would pull people into the larger sphere of the world. And that's a great point. And I appreciate Nicholas's email very much because now that makes sense.

Sure, yeah, yeah. Got a message. This is from Devin and Devin says that he knows that Tom was worried, wanted the guy in last week's story to be 69 for posterity. He's like, but I'll do you one better. The pastor was 63 and rule 63 of the Internet is that everything has a gender bent version on the Internet. In other words, a male creep has a female creep counterpart. Great. Just great. Thanks for weird. The internet. We got a message from Matt and this is Matt number one. And he was saying that we were talking in this, in this message, he talks about pedophiles and he says, he says,

you know, that one of the reasons why church might attract creeps is that, you know, you can hide who you are. You can basically hide that you're a creep and maybe hide yourself away from being a creep by an attempt, sort of, sort of forcing you to be celibate in some way. Right.

So, so he says, you know, if you're, if you're a pedophile, this is what he says. Being a pedophile is no different to being gay or straight.

It's not a choice. So you're 13. You start having these urges and you realize your biology has put you into the most reviled group in Western culture. He says later, I truly believe young pedophiles

join the church because they truly don't want to act on their biology. They want to be controlled and they want to be seen as honorable human beings to be seen to have a life worth living.

Yeah, maybe. That's a possibility. He says early up there, he's like, what else are they supposed to do? Kill themselves, live a lie, or become celibate. The problem, I think, is that celibacy is a fucking standard most people can't live up to.

And if it is, in fact, the case, and I don't know that it is, but if it is a fucking standard most people can't live up to. And if it is in fact the case, and I don't know that it is, but if it is in fact the case that being a pedophile is a sexual orientation, being celibate is your only fucking option. Right. Because it's immoral to do anything else. Anything else is unacceptable.

If that's the case. If sexuality is the same way as it is for... Celibacy is the only morally acceptable option. If you can't choose that, if that's something you can't choose. I don't know how true or not true that is. I thought this was an interesting email. This is somebody that works in a pharmacy preparing the drugs

for assisted suicide. And he basically says, you know, it takes a toll. Like, even as somebody who's supportive, it kind of of has, it has some weight. The gravity of that situation is not lost. And I did think that that was interesting. And I want to say like, when I read this, I thought, man, I'm glad people still do it. Yeah.

You know, and I'm glad the gravity of it isn't lost because it's a grave situation. No pun intended. Yeah, for sure. You know? Yeah, no, I understand that. And I get it. You know, there's something to be said about having that to be your responsibility, right? You're responsible for part of it, at least.

As somebody who, like, and I know you do too, like, I am about as worked up and in favor of assisted suicide and the right to die as any issue. I think it's a very powerful issue. It's something I feel very strongly about. I'm really grateful that despite it being difficult emotionally and morally for the doctors and pharmacists that work in that business, I'm glad they're brave enough

to do it because it's an option I think more of us need to have. Sure. So I'm glad there's someone willing to do what's hard. Yeah. We got a message. This is from Ambrosius Clark. That's great. And he sent a video in.

We're talking last week about batteries. And one of the things that Wayne Allen Root said was that he distrusted electric batteries. And then we wondered, well, what kind of battery could there be? Like, what? It doesn't make any sense. Well, he sent us a message showing us a video of something that wouldn't necessarily be an electric battery. Well, at least not a

traditional electric battery. So we're going to put it on post on this week's show notes. This is interesting, Tom. This was a message from Brian, and Brian says that maybe one of the reasons why creeps do it, if you're talking about Catholics, is that

Catholics, they have the little confession box. And if you're confessing, kids especially have to come in and confess when they're young. And really the only thing that they can do that's a sin is wank a little. And so maybe they're listening to a bunch of people coming in and confessing

that they wanked a little this week. Which is super weird, by the week, which is super weird. That is super weird. I never understood the concept of like, well, you told somebody and now you should feel better about it. Like, couldn't you just be like, hey, you're supposed to be here. Can't I just tell you? I don't understand that idea. Didn't you know anyway?

Can't we just keep our shame secret like good people? Yeah, I know. This is a correction. Can't we just keep our shame secret like good people? Yeah, I know. This is a correction. Someone had mentioned, we had mentioned that the person had traveled to the Netherlands to get assisted suicide.

Actually, he went to Switzerland. So we want to thank Eric for sending in the message to let us know that he actually did go to Switzerland, not the Netherlands. We got a long message from Mo, and Mo has been listening for a very long time. But he was talking about the woman last week who basically we named in the episode after the one who said heebie-jeebies when she was referring to people in hijab, I guess is what she was talking about.

And he had this great message about vets because the woman in that clip says something like, well, we should let these veterans do it. These veterans have protected us once. They should be able to do it again. And his comment is, he's like, how much fucking work does a vet got to do to make you happy? I thought that was great. That's number one. But

there's another great part of this. He says, she is part of the support our troops demographic yet is so uninformed she doesn't realize that offering vets a job opportunity that is way beneath them nearly in every case so basically it's offering them a job that that that really they're way too qualified to do anyway and it's like well shit like she doesn't even realize that that like she's basically saying we should give them a gift. You dug our trenches, now you can dig our ditches.

Okay. Thanks for the generosity. Also racist. So let's throw that in there. This is a message from Michael, and Michael says that last week I was talking about how anti-abortion people are getting less abortions, and he says

that there's an anecdote he wanted to share. His wife used to work at an abortion clinic years ago and a disproportionate number of people who came in for abortions, he said like eight out of 10, would make it very clear that they disagreed with abortion and were for life. But their situation just happened to be so unique

that it was okay somehow. Of course it is. Yeah, of course, because you're always going to rationalize it on. Yeah. Of course, because you're always going to rationalize it on your own. Yeah, when it happens to you, right?

When it's your decision, it's different. Absolutely. It's very different. Next week, we may or may not have a guest. We may.

We were supposed to have a guest today. But we didn't. We did not. This is like the fourth week in a row. We got stood up at the prom. We haven't had a guest.

So we were hoping to have a guest. We didn't have a guest. You got a show instead. Happy days. Be sure to check out the show notes. If you want to come to our live show in Chicago, the Citation Needed live show, it'll be happening on August 11th

this year. It's going to be a great time. You can meet the Puzzle and the Thunderstorm guys. You can meet us. It's going to be at the Victory Biograph Theater here in Chicago. Tickets are on sale now. So if you want to get your tickets,

they are going to definitely sell out before soon. So you're going to want to get your tickets soon. It's going to be a lot of fun. If you're thinking about going, should I go?

Yeah, you should go. It's going to be fucking awesome. Last time when we did a GAM here, we did GAM at the same place. So the Puzzle and Thunderstorm guys did a GAM. It was a packed house. We had a great time. We did gam at the same place. So they, they, the puzzle and thunderstorm guys did a gam.

It was a packed house. We had a great time. It was a great theater to have a, have a, have a show in. And then we went all, all went across the streets of the red line and it was literally scathing atheist and cog disc fans packed the entire place.

And we just sat there and drank and hung out and it was a great time. So if you want to come out and hang out, check it out, August 11th. And if you haven't checked out Citation Needed, you should go listen to a couple of episodes. If you're interested in what a live show sounds like, we did a Ned Kelly episode live in Australia. You can check that one out. There's a lot of other great episodes out there though. So take a look. If you haven't listened to it yet, give it a try. It's a lot of fun to write and it's a lot of fun to read. So if you want to come check it out, you can check it out live this August. Tickets on sale. That's going to wrap it up for this week.

We're going to leave you, like we always do, with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment. Leo Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards Psychic healing, crystal balls Bigfoot, yeti, aliens Churches, mosques, and synagogues Temples, dragons, giant worms

Atlantis, dolphins, truthers Birthers, witches, wizards Vaccine nuts Shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy Double speak, stigmata Nonsense Expose your sides. Thrust your hands.

Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and information provided on this podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. All opinions are solely that of Glory Hole Studios, LLC. Cognitive dissonance makes no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information and will not be liable for any errors, damages, or butthurt arising from consumption. All information is provided on an as-is basis. No refunds. Produced in association with the local dairy council and viewers like you. We'll see you next time.