Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 419: Put the P*nis in the R*ctum

Episode Date: June 18, 2018

      Citation Needed  

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Call 1-866- 531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Hey guys, this is Michael over in Colorado. I just wanted to comment on the

Masterpiece Cake Shop case ruling. I mean, I do think that the Supreme Court's holding that, oh, the commission was mean to this guy. And so, you know, the ruling is overturned, but we're only speaking in this case. I think their reasoning there is kind of insane and laughable. But the real reason they did it was it turns out that balancing, you know, so-called freedom of speech, like this guy was claiming, and discrimination against, well, you know, any protected class is a tricky issue. And they were like, well, that's hard.

We don't want to deal with it. So here's our cop out. So, yeah, it'll come back sometime. But the, well, it's not binding. It has already been pointed to in some other cases. There was one down in Arizona that pointed to what Kennedy said about, you know, this isn't okay. You can't do this. So it should be interesting to see how it goes.

Glory hole, motherfuckers. Hey, Tom and Keith, it's Davey from California. Hey, Tom and Steve, it's David from California. In regards to your issue of taking the Trump presidency more seriously, there's actually a scientific reason behind the fact that we can't do that. You see, as it turns out, the human mind is just too fragile and unable to handle all the random chaotic neuron firing and all the rest of it that goes with trying to imagine something as eldritchly abominable as the Trump president sees that the only thing we can do is picture it as a joke or we're just not able to handle it.

And we all start to go slightly mad. Madder. You get the idea. Anyway, glory hole, gentlemen. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from gloryhole studios in chic, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome out. This is episode 419 of Cognitive Dissonance and Cecil, I am, I don't know

about you, buddy, but I am getting excited about the live show for Citation Needed coming up in August. I am excited for it. August is right around the corner and August in Chicago is delightful. I tell you, it's better than August in New York which smells like garbage. That is all the times. That better than August in New York, which smells like garbage.

That is all the times. That's the calendar in New York where it just smells like garbage. We're doing a live show in August. That's August the 11th. And it's going to be at the Victory Biograph Theater here in Chicago. Should be a great time if you guys are listening to Citation Needed, you should come check it out. If you're not listening to Citation Needed, you should come check it out.

Citation Needed, then come check out the live show. No, do it in the other order. Buy your tickets for the you should come check it out. If you're not listening to Citation Needed, you should check out Citation Needed, then come check out the live show. No, do it in the other order. Buy your tickets for the live show. Yeah. Then check out Citation Needed.

You might like, just try the tip. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. If you buy the tickets you already invested, you're going to like the show. Sun cost fallacy.

Yeah, exactly. I have modeled my entire life after the sun cost fallacy. That was your first marriage. That was... Well, that was a sunk cost.

Fuck. Well, still paying. Cheers. Still paying, buddy. Cheers. That's a lot of money. All right, let's go ahead and talk about a story. This story is from thehill.com, and I love this story so much. Church members are angry over placement of giant maryland

most maryland mimo maryland mimosa mimosa let's try that one more time church members angry over placement of giant maryland monroe statue in connecticut all right so as part of this like art everywhere type of project um there's this giant 26-foot statue of Marilyn Monroe that's being erected. And based on the pose of the statue, it might not be the only thing erected in that area. And it's that iconic seven-year-itch one where her dress is flying

up and her giant granny panties are available for everyone to see. My favorite thing about this story is like the church. First of all, the ass faces the church. Yeah. So it's like,

it's oriented. So she's mooning the people most likely to get worked up about it. Right. So I think that's just fucking delightful. But then I just love the idea of being delighted or, or, or, or offended rather.

And like freaked out by an ass. That's not a real ass. There's no actual ass. Well, it's fucking plaster of Paris and cardboard and whatever. But it's also like you said, it's like fucking bloomers or whatever. She's wearing like granny panties.

Like these are like, like these are the least sexual things you could look at and be like, look, no, that looks like it looks like it kind of looks like what the cheerleaders wear when they do their flippity flips, you know? at and be like, it kind of looks like what the cheerleaders wear when they do their flippity flips. These would barely qualify in 2018 as shorts.

Right, exactly. I work out with girls that wear smaller shorts than that. Right. Where do you work out? I work out at the strip club. I didn't say rub it out. I said work club. It's just, I didn't say rub it out. I said, work out. It's really only a bicep exercise.

My forearms are getting a killer workout. That's hilarious. They're like, they put it up there. They put it up there in this face in the church. And it's, you know, you're right.

It's from seven year age, but isn't seven years a little long in the tooth for a priest? Go seven years. You're getting a little old at that point. That's true. You know what I mean? That's true. That is. I feel like at seven they're just like, all the shine's worn right off of

this one. He's near the age of reason. He's near the age of telling. I love the idea. Nothing in the world cracks me up more than people that are like, I'm so fucking worked up about the human body that when it doesn't even involve an actual human body, they're still worked up about it.

They're still like, I don't want to see that. You can't grab it, squeeze it, fuck it. It won't poop. It's not a real butt. It's just a shape that is butt-like. It's butt-reminiscent. It says here, it says, this is a quote from a person. It says, if God

had something to say, he would probably, he probably would have sent a bolt through it. First Congressional Michael Discago told the newspaper. Well, like, wait, like, if he, is he just silent or does he just like Marilyn Monroe's ass? Like, which one is it?

Well, he's got access to it now. She's been dead for some time. So he's recalled. Oh, yeah. He's recalled that ass for sure. He's like, oh, we're looking around one day like, where'd she go? Oh, no. Bring her back up here.

No, no, no. I am not done with that. I want you angels to get underneath her and flap your wings real hard. Make that thing fly up in the air. I got a seven-year itch. I'm going to tell you right now. I'm going to go ahead and scratch it. You know, this statue,

I don't know if it's this statue or not, right? But there was a statue that looked exactly like this. So I'm thinking it was the same statue. Probably, yeah. That was in Chicago. It was right, I remember, it was right outside the Apple Store,

which is funny because it's all about Eve. So, but seriously, it was right outside the Apple Store. I mean, it was right in, I mean, which is funny because it's all about Eve. So seriously, it was right outside the Apple store. I mean, it was right in. I mean, I used to walk by and be like, that's a fucking cool statue, man. Like I actually really liked it. I thought it's, I think it's a cool statue. I think it's great.

I've just sucked one year of your life away. What did this do to you? Tell me. And remember, this is for posterity, so be honest. How do you feel? Oh, this story made me so mad when I read this from CNN. Man gets $75 after being wrongly imprisoned for 31 years. That's, Tom, that's going rate of 42 cents a year.

So not bad. Not too shabby for not doing anything but getting three squares a day. Three hots and a cot and you still got paid. What the fuck are you bitching about? I will say, though, that is three times the minimum wage in Tennessee. So and that's where this.

So my favorite part of this, it says, so this guy gets in prison, then he gets out and he's asking for a million dollars for the years of his life that were taken away. He's not asking for $31 million. He wants $1 million. He's not asking for a million each year. And he wants that million because it's part

of a fund that has been set up for people that have been exonerated from these crimes. And so he gets out and he says in here, he says, because I had no ID, it took me three months before I was able to cash that $75 check. Three months? Jesus! Well, at that point, can't you guys just

roll in the extra 10 cents? Can you prorate that check? Can you prorate that check an extra 10 cents? I love that can't even give this fucking guy cash. They can't even give this guy cash. You know what's horrifying is they find out in 2008, right, that this guy cash you know what what's what's horrifying is like they find out in 2008 right that this guy the dna evidence clears them yeah then they don't let him out of jail until 2009 yeah which means he spends another year hanging out in fucking prison

doing the prison thing that's something that's always made me crazy is like they find out these guys are innocent and it's established and everybody in power agrees. And then they're like, well, we have to go through these different, you know, steps and processes and procedures before they get out. And these things take time. There seems to be, like, no rush. I'll tell you what, they didn't wait a year to book the guy.

They didn't wait a year to arrest the guy. That day. You get out that day. Oh, what should happen is, like, you get that DNA test back and it clears you and everybody's phone lights up and you fucking show up and you're like, we fucked that up. The problem

is though, is that that's never what happens. What you're saying never happens and it's not just the we're going to do it quickly. It's the we fucked up. Never happens. The DA fights these things? Absolutely. They wind up, what they wind up doing is they wind up fighting it and then they fight for any compensation that comes back to them too. Because, you know, cops, when they're doing stuff, and I think a lot of people

misunderstand or, or maybe at least attribute motives to cops that I don't know that I can attribute to them. Right. I feel like they attribute the motive of like, they're trying to frame people. I don't know that cops go into a job trying to frame people, but I do think that there are some corners that are cut very often. And you see it when people are exonerated, that they will cut corners and they will do things to make sure that this person who they already have in custody is the guilty one. It's not hard to, you know, to frame your argument around that sort of thing. I also think in the United States, we don't listen to the court when they say it's got to be beyond a reasonable doubt.

And they don't, they don't, they don't ever do that. They don't ever do that because it's real easy to doubt a lot of the stuff that they give you. There was a, you know, there's a funny, there's a, there was, I forget if it was a radio lab or if it was a this American life where they're talking about with a level of reasonable scientific certainty was the language the verbiage that they asked these lawyers and it doesn't mean anything right they just ask him the question it doesn't mean anything the level at which they're saying it makes it sound as if it's irrefutable evidence right and it's not it's just a level of scientific anything is a level of scientific certainty

that the wording that they use doesn't mean anything. So there's this, you know, there's this machine we have in this country that puts people behind bars quickly and pretty efficiently, right? Well, not super efficiently, but relatively efficiently. I mean, I'll tell you what,

we certainly do have a lot of people behind bars. We're really good at imprisoning people. Yeah, it's not like we're not good at putting people behind bars. I feel like we do that all the time. And so you, and we have this, our prison system is enormous in comparison to our population.

We're with the most despotic of states. We are with that. We are with those people. We have the, we are up to the very worst. In terms of our per capita imprisonment ratio is just insane. Yeah. It's a third world country. It's the highest of the entire industrial. Yeah. It's awful. So, but these people, um, when they get out this system that put them in there, these cops that I think, I think probably we're just trying to find somebody, you know, there's a lot of pressure on them to find people that are guilty of these things.

probably were just trying to find somebody. You know, there's a lot of pressure on them to find people that are guilty of these things. I have a feeling that what these cops do is they're pushing back and they're digging their heels in because, because they feel like they're under attack or they're, they did something wrong. You know,

charitably. Yeah. How hard would it be emotionally for you to find out that you were wrong? It would be hard psychologically.ologically, if somebody was like, Tommy did this thing and it ruined a man's life, he spent 31 years in prison because of you. I'd be like, fuck. And I would be desperate to have not made that mistake.

So I, you know, like I get it. I do. But like in cases where it's like the DNA evidence clearly exonerates this guy. And the fucking parole board, which I don't even know why the parole board makes a, in this case, like the parole board makes a recommendation to the governor about whether or not to exonerate this guy because it's only with full exoneration that this guy gets the million dollar compensation from this fund for people.

They voted seven to zero to say no. To say no. To say no, to say no, to say no. But they, they, that same system said you're cleared of all charges. Nothing happened. Yeah. What the fuck is going on here? Yeah. And also you've also got to think too, one of the things he had to do was admit to a burglary that he did. He claims he didn't do because the parole board, like I said, last time, they're looking for you to say something about your guilt, to admit guilt in some way, because we don't parole people in here that are in this country that are innocent. Innocent people actually have to serve out their entire term because they're not willing to admit that they.

Unless you're willing to be innocent and lie. Yeah, exactly. Right. That's what it's about. You have to lie. Yeah. innocent and lie. Yeah, exactly. Right. That's, that's what it's about. You have to lie. You know, there's a, you know, there's a documentary I was watching recently where a guy had to,

you know, he was, he, he wouldn't lie. He could have gotten out of prison two or three years earlier than he actually did before he was exonerated, but he didn't lie about it. He said, I never did it. I never did those things. So, you know, that happens in our system a lot. We've exonerated people that have been on death row that have gone through the death part of death row. And we've exonerated them after their death. We do irreparable harm to these people by putting them in a justice system that is vengeance-based, that hurts them

while they're in there. This guy is basically saying, look, it's fucking, watch out for your back in there. This guy. Yeah, I mean, when he describes it, it's like, it's not, I mean, we were joking before about three hots and a cop but like it is it is a miserable shitty miserable squeak existence yeah exactly you know and dangerous yeah and these people are you know that's that's uh uh you can't go you can't turn that that time back you can't turn back you know the guy you killed you know like all of those things that we do to these people through the justice system, you can't turn any of that shit back.

And then we're, we are, we're so defiant to say, no, we're not going to give you any of this money. We're not going to, we're not going to give you. That's the part that kills me. Like it's the least, it's such a small ask. A million dollars really against a state budget is fucking nothing. But it's got to, it's going to change though. It would really genuinely, there would be a lot of, a lot of shit that would come down on that police department and they would

have to change some of the things in which they're doing and they don't want to do that they don't want to change they don't want to go through those changes i think i think you know you start getting two or three of these people getting a million dollars people saying i'm sorry and getting millions of dollars because of this you know people that get exonerated there's going to be the hammer gets dropped and that i either going to go away or whatever. But people don't want to change though. They don't want to change how they're doing it. I know that you're right.

It's just like, it's so fucking maddening. Like that's a guy who's not going to be okay. Like let's just be clear about that. You don't get out of prison and you're like, well, that was weird. And then you're just like, anyway, what was I up to right before I got, was I, oh, you know, I was reading that book.

I think I was on page 11. Like, your life is fucking fundamentally... I mean, like, you're a different man now. 31 years is an immense amount of time. It's not like he's going to be like, oh, what do I do for work? Oh, no. What do I do for education?

What do I do in terms of, like, having meaningful relationships with other people? Like, let's not pretend that because we let this guy out of jail that we've made it right. The million dollars doesn't make it right. It doesn't even come close. How much would you sell 31 years of your life for? A fucking million dollars? Somebody offered me a million dollars for 31 years in jail?

I'd tell them to go fuck themselves. That's an insane insult. Now, the concern, obviously, is if this isn't bottled up in San Francisco, this kind of nonsense, then it's going to be spreading across the entire fruited plain. And you're going to be going to your Burger King in Des Moines, Iowa. And you're going to have a rainbow-colored wrapper for your Whopper. Some stories from the Friendly Atheist blog over at Patheos. Christian activists will shame gays, women, and Muslims into accepting Jesus.

This is Coach Dave. Not Coach. Not a coach. Dobbin Meyer. All right. So this is Coach from his past assault live. It's pretty short. What happened to shame?

Didn't I do that last week? Didn't I do a show on that last week? Nobody remembers what you did week to week. I think you should be ashamed of every show yeah why stop at one dave yeah yeah i gotta say so far i agree with him he should always be ashamed yeah that should be his de facto waking state like oh oh god would you look at my penis yeah his life should just be a series of apologies to other people. He should wear a sandwich board that just says, I'm fucking really sorry.

And on the back it just says, oops. He just opens his phone and just hits the predictive text and it's like, I am so sorry. Wow. Four clicks. Four keys. That's amazing. I think shame is a good thing. What do you think? Do you think shame is a good thing? I think that shame might is a good thing. Yeah. What do you think? Do you think shame is a good thing? I think that shame might be a good thing.

Um, in the sense, like it teaches people's how to be social, like in some ways, like I'm thinking of like when you go to a museum and you're super loud and obnoxious and people, other people are quietly looking at shit and you're like, I already apologized.

And then you're just like, and then you're just like people like shush you or look at you or glare at you. Like they're shaming you to, to get you to act within a social tool. Yeah. So it's getting you to act in a social norm. That's what he's doing too. It's just that like, you know, these, these aren't just people in a fucking museum. These are people who want to have a relationship with somebody else and he wants to butt into it. Yeah. It struck me when I was watching this, there is a place for social shaming, right? There is. We should social shame Nazis, right? There's a place for social shaming. Absolutely, yeah. But what he's talking about in this is not just social shaming, but also individual shaming.

And I was thinking about that difference, like in whether or not individual shame, that sort of internalized feeling of like self-loathing and guilt and all that, like, does that have any use? Does that have any place? Like, does that seem to have any value? And I really couldn't come up with shit as far as like the value of that sort of individual shame.

Social shame, social shame. Yeah. You know, like where it's an external pressure, you know, delivered from, from other people. But when you're ashamed of what you've done, right.

Does that, does that have any, I mean, and I guess like ashamed is such a big word and that's different to me than like, sorry for what you've done. I've been sorry for things that I've done. I've made mistakes and I've had to apologize for those mistakes.

And I've been genuinely sorry for them. I don't know that like, like a shame, individual shame, like it seems less useful. Yeah. You know what I mean? It seems more a state of being rather than something that you act upon in order to be better. Shame breaks you down. Shame drives you to your knees.

Shame lets you know that you need a savior. What do you mean? Why do you make them feel ashamed? They're going to go kill their baby. What if a dingo ate it though? What if the baby was ugly? Or a pain in the ass? Or what if it wasn't actually a baby?

It was just a few cells. Right. Yeah. The moral of the story is it was probably just a few cells yeah you know like I love the way it's painted it's like I'm just gonna go kill my baby like gonna get it from the babysitter like

what are you doing after work I gotta get pick up the kid and then I'm gonna bash his head against the rock take care of the fucking 37 Magnus which one's mine I don't even know at this point. Just, hey, I'm just going to start shooting until

one of them looks familiar. I got to get rid of this one. I'm making a new one. I'll make them ashamed? What? Hey, guys. These dudes at the gay pride parade prancing up and down the street. Looking all enticing, prancing up and down.

I love this. These dudes with their short shorts and their tight bodies, prancing up and down, bending slowly over. Stupid sexy Flanders. I know, right? It's exactly that. It's like oiled up. It's just like, okay, just pull out your dick and jerk off. You'll be able to think more clearly.

Are you kidding me? Hold your ears. Get your children away. Get you right now. Get your children away. Muted. Whatever. Do you know that those men doing that put their penises in the rectum of other men?

Does he think that only gay men have anal sex? Put the penis in the rectum. Put the penis. Put the penis. Put the penis in the rectum. It's penis, put the penis, put the penis in the rectum. It's a good song. It is a good song. Get a pretty good sound out of that

penis in the rectum. I made it up. That's good. Yeah, right? Like, this is the kind of guy who's talking about a wiener. Right. Do you know they put their wiener

in their butts, guys? Do you know that he puts wiener butts? Do you think he would be this, like, obsessed with anal sex among a heterosexual couple? Like if a heterosexual couple has anal sex Do you think that he would be as obsessed with that? I would love to ask him

I don't know I would love to ask him about like blowjobs And be like well you know like Like my wife blew me Is that okay? I mean like what do you think of that? Did she swallow? I think there's a lot of follow up

What do you think? He's going to ask you to paint a word picture I'll tell you like, what do you think of that? Did she swallow? I think there's a lot of follow-up. What do you think? He's going to ask you to paint a word picture. I'll tell you that much. What do you think, coach? Is that okay? Is that action okay? Right. You know, I slept her on the ass.

Yeah. You know, is that action okay? At what part do you want to micromanage my relationship in the bedroom to? Yeah. At what part? And the reason is that he wants to say, no, look, you know, it's somebody who's saying like, you can't have sex with dudes.

You're not allowed to have sex with dudes. I think everybody should just take a step back and be like, and we've said it a million times, just be like, how about we just don't fucking judge other people's relationships and mind our own fucking business?

Yeah, I don't get it. Aren't we supposed to, aren't you supposed to be the party of small government? What the fuck? Get small. Isn't that just the party of like, what's none of your fucking beeswax? Like this is like third grade stuff.

It's like, it's so funny because he's the same, like you're pointing out, like he's like, it's a wiener. Like he's all worked up about it because he's a third grader. Because it doesn't have, he doesn't have a nuanced opinion about it

because he stopped thinking about it in third grade. And I do remember, like I remember remember, like, being more charitable. I do remember, like, a time in my life, like, in your early 20s, like, where, like, people were sort of, like, like, they were, like, all talking about sex and, like, who is fucking who and, like, all that kind of stuff. And it was, like, it was, like, part of your world when you're young, right? Like, other people's sex lives are part of your world. And those conversations are much more sure. Then like,

this is like a 50 year old man. Like we're all like, everybody gets bored of that and moves the fuck on pretty quickly. I think at some point it's like, that story is like, yeah, I did this thing with this girl. You're like,

okay, fucking where are we going to eat? Who cares? I think what changes that. And I'm not going to speak for the ubiquity of the human experience here, but what changed for me was regular sex. Like once I started having regular sex, I was just like, I don't care about what you do.

Like, I genuinely don't care. Like once it was like, when it was like fucking casting a rod out or once in a while you're rolling a fish and you're like, woohoo, mother fucker. You know, then it was a big deal. But the moment you started having regular sex, you're just like, well, yeah, okay, great. i also had dinner last night well that's what i mean like

like at some point everybody grows up yeah you just grow up you just grow you're done with that now because like but i'm also saying like i don't know that if i wasn't having regular sex i wouldn't be like you gotta hear it maybe i would i don know. But I know for sure what changed it for me was just like, you know, yeah, okay. And now it's like not a thing that I talk about. But not only that,

it's not a thing you're interested in hearing about. It's not a conversation that you start or that you engage because at the end of the day, it's like, that's not my business.

Yeah. And I think at a certain point you do get to that point. And I think one of the ways, you know, and again, this is all armchair stuff. I have no idea if this is true or not, but I think like as a young man, when you're, when you're hearing about other sexual experiences, you're also learning about sex at that time too. And so there's a learning process going on that you're hearing from your friends, you know, and things like that. And so absolutely it's all developmentally appropriate, I think for that time in your life where you're like establishing your first relationships with people and you're trying

to figure out how to navigate those relationships socially, sexually, et cetera. Exactly. Like all that makes sense. And then like, once people get older, it's like, well, we've already done that. Yeah. So like, what are we still going to, and I'm never looking to you for any kind of advice. I'm not like, you know, like, yeah, right. You know what I mean? Like at a certain point, you're just like, I don't, I'm never going to tell you. Cause I don't, I don't looking to you for any kind of advice. I'm not like, you know, like, yeah, right. You know what I mean? Like at a certain point, you're just like, I don't, I'm never going to tell you. Cause I don't, I don't care what you have to say. Right.

Nothing you could say is going to change anything. I would give great advice. Oh, I'm sure you will. I take, I definitely take, take it. Marital advice from divorce. I know what not to do. You know where the minds are. I know where they are do. You know where the mines are. I know where they are.

Do you know that? Do you know that's what they do? Gosh. Hold on a second. I got to find my pearls so I can clutch them. Oh, they were in my ass. I'm sorry. Sorry.

Those were beads. And if you'd like to buy some, you can head over to adamandeve.com. Get 50% off almost any order. Stick it right in your ass. Not the sex swing. You'll get a free sex swing. That is not appropriate for the ass unless you are like varsity. Like you really got to be ready for that to be stuffed in your ass.

And then you can pull it out slowly, you know, just like the beats, you know, but you pull it out like leg harnesses and shit out of your own ass. But if you go to adamandeve.com, you type in Gloria, check out, you'll get 50% off almost any item of free sex swing and free shipping. And you think that's normal. And you think that's okay. And you think the Lord is okay with it.

But coach, like the Lord is like that weird, like cuckold husband who's like sitting on the couch, like with his fucking flaccid dick in his hand. Are you done with that? Are you done with that? I'm going to drink that when you're done. Are you done with that? I love it. It's like'm going to drink that when you're done. Are you done with that?

I love when he's like, you think that's normal? I just looked it up. 36% of women have had anal sex and 42% of men have had anal. Yeah, it's pretty normal. Yeah. Like,

like I love the idea that he makes this sound like it's aberrant when it's like just the thing. It's just the thing. This is the kind of, this is the kind of guy who's married to a woman

who poked her eyes out years ago. She doesn't have to look at it. It's just so thing. This is the kind of, this is the kind of guy who's married to a woman who poked her eyes out years ago. She doesn't have to look at it. It's just so funny. Don't shame them. They're out there saying pride. They're proud of it. They're having more fun in the bedroom than you are. And I mean, I, well, I mean, maybe there are some people out there like, man, I could fit my whole fist up there. And there's like a mark of pride there but i also feel like they're proud of not being afraid to show someone who they are there's a difference between being proud of a sexual act which is juvenile and you know is something that you did like you like you said when you're a very young person that sort of thing is you know accepted or net or you know sort of almost expected but once you get older it's not something that you revel in or share. And so, and so that sort of thing, I, I understand the point

of like, like I, at a certain point, I think the, the mature ones are not, they're not saying that they're pride. They are, they have pride in how they're, they relate to each other and how they connect. They're saying they have pride in being able to express who they are without fear of of someone insulting them or attacking them and that's the whole the whole point of the pride parade is for visibility right it's to say like we're here and we are not ashamed of who we are yeah exactly none of that stuff that he's saying not shame right yeah not like we're proud of the specific sexual act it's just it's a it's a. It's like, watch me beat up this straw man. I know.

It's just, his obsession with that one thing is just so weird. Yeah. Yeah. So weird. They're all so worried about the butt.

Yeah. Get a bidet, clean it out. He wants to put it in someone's butt. He really does. I think. See,

his wife just let him in. I don't know if it's his wife. I don't know if it is either. It might be his golf partner or something. But you got to start somewhere, I guess. His assistant coach. Right.

You know what I mean? Glory, glory, all it lures ya. Glory, glory, all seduces ya. Glory, glory, all it screws ya. This story is from The Inquisitor. Pope Francis accepts Bishop Juan Barros' resignation amid child sex abuse scandal. So in Chile, like all the bishops offered to resign, like all 34 of them were just like, yeah, we did not handle this well. They all just signed a big placard that said, whoopsie.

And he did accept the resignation of three, three of them. So I don't know. There was like a weird camaraderie, like if you quit, I'll quit or whatever that's about. Maybe they're all complicit. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, you're at a high level of the church here. So yeah, it's not unlikely. One thing that that I wanted to talk about from this story is that, you know, a few months ago, Pope Francis said something to the effect of, look, I'll believe it when there's some proof.

it when there's some proof. And according to the story, he received a letter in 2015 from a victim outlining in specific detail allegations of sexual abuse. So this is a guy who then after he had this, later, after he

had this evidence from this victim was like, ah, when somebody shows me some evidence. Yeah, sure. And then show me a bloody anus. Yeah. That's basically what he's saying, yeah. This is a pope that's gotten a pass on a lot of things. Yeah, a lot of stuff.

And he's gotten a lot of pass from a lot of people because I think he's a somewhat liberal pope. Right. He says things that a lot of people wouldn't expect a pope to say. He talks about things that a lot of very conservative people have a very different opinion on. So when you talk about climate change, he's a very environmentally minded person. He wrote an encyclical about environmentalism called Laudato Si.

It was a couple years ago he wrote that. And it was a big thing in the Catholic Church at the time because it's, you know, it's something that they never really focused on. Um, so, and he's also been very outspoken against immigrant about immigration and against the immigrant, uh, sort of backlash that's happening in our country.

He's said this stuff many times. Right. So there's a couple of issues where you hear him and you think, wow, you know, he's got his head screwed on right for these things. But the thing you always seem to forget is that he's in charge of the entire church in the, in the world. It's in the world.

Right. And you know, if you get a letter from somebody and you ignore it for a couple of years, I kind of expect your resignation too. Like I kind of expect you to say, you know what? I'm with those 34 people. That's my fault. My bad, guys. Oopsie doodle. I'll put my name on that sandwich board they're walking around with and I'll also resign. Because these are lives. These are lives that have been ruined by your organization. And this is not a fucking one-off thing.

This happens throughout, it's happened throughout the history of mankind with this church and it's happened a lot in recent memory. I know, and that's the thing that's like the easiest thing to be right about yeah that's the thing that makes me crazy about this it's the easiest thing to be right about like hey uh what should we do about raping kids don't yeah uh what happens we find out someone did stop it immediately and send them to prison yeah there's no wiggle room here it like it's the easiest fucking this is not a complex issue. This is not a nuanced issue.

It's the easiest fucking thing to be right about. This church keeps getting it wrong. And at this point, I don't think anybody deserves the benefit of the doubt. There's no benefit of the doubt. It's like just fucking, you knew? I'm sorry, man. You're out. You're done. You're in prison. This rolls back

to our earlier conversation about the prison thing that we were talking about, though, and the police officers. Nobody wants to pay out. And I think when you start admitting guilt and you start admitting these things, you start allowing for that door to be open where people are starting to seek some sort of reparations for the things that happened to them. And when you admit that guilt, we live in a society where, you know, your insurance agent tells you not to admit your guilt, even if you're in a fucking rear end. Right. Right. That's true. Not your fault. You got to say it's not your fault, you know, because they can always going to try to wiggle you out of this. Right. Like that's just how, like, that's, that's sort of the, the society, the litigious society that we come from teaches you to never admit that guilt. Right. And so, you know, we have,

we have this guy who I think, you know, is getting pressure from a lot of people. I'm not going to say it's not his fault, but you know, I think he probably has a lot of pressures from people that are saying you can't admit that it's, it's, it's, that you're guilty because then you're opening it up to all these lawsuits, you know? And while you, I, I will be, I will be the first to say if this Pope were the, were the first one to come out and really, you know, go hard in the paint on all those fuckers who raped all those kids, like you say, ejecting them from the church, you know, getting rid of them, doing giant huge sweeps and swats and getting rid of all these

people, he would find a friend in many, many places that those people would not. You know, I mean, I think the atheist community would embrace him in a big way. I think the Catholics would embrace him. I don't think anybody wants these guys. Nobody likes these guys. It's, it's like what it is is they're powerful in and amongst themselves. Yeah. Yeah.

The, I guarantee that the church has not made more powerful. It does not make more friends. It's not getting more tithing. Yeah. You know, because of all this, the church is in decline and it will continue to be in decline. Yeah.

Probably forever, but certainly until it gets its fucking house in order about the easiest issue to be right about. Hey, everybody. So I know we talk a lot about Citation Needed, the other show that we do, but some of you might not have had a chance to actually check it out. So this week we took just a tiny little clip of that show, the show we just did on Roy Bean, Justice to the Peace in the Old-Timey West.

And we're going to play it for you right now. It doesn't have a lot of context. It's sort of just a tiny clip of that show. But if you want to check it out, you can always find links to Citation Needed on our website, or you just go to citationpod.com and check it out. But we wanted to play a little clip for you,

so here it is anyway everything was going well until she was fucking kidnapped by a mexican military officer and married off against her will dating was hard back no it doesn't sound that hard a bit of rope getaway horse i mean i think you got it down horses are expensive that's fair no but for what it's worth it's not true i have had so many women use the i was kidnapped by a mexican military officer and married off against my will excuse and then you see them later at applebee's and they're not married so that's a whole fucking thing they're eating a skillet cookie you know i have no sympathy for anybody at an Applebee's. Like, whatever you see at an Applebee's is on you.

Now I'm having my funeral at an Applebee's just to bother Tom. Enjoy having it alone like he was going. Tom's not going to your funeral. Nobody was going to come anyway. Maybe just one of you makes that joke, not everyone at the same time. The most in sync we've ever been is a comedy troupe.

You might as well have fucking synced it up. All right, this story is from Right Wing Watch. This is Lance Walling. Claims his false prophecy was true, but the evidence is being suppressed. Oh, his false prophecy. Wait a second. So this is relative to a prophecy that he made. Prophecy was true, but the evidence is being suppressed. Oh, his false prophecy. Wait a second. So this is relative to a prophecy that he made.

In late May, wasn't it? Right. Saying that by June the 6th, the deep state was going to be uncovered. And the deep state was going to suffer all kinds. Hillary was going to eat a baby on TV or something. It was going to be on CBS for the old people to watch. Yeah, it was a whole thing. Come on, have you ever turned on CBS? It's like a half hour special.

They're like, she's not going to eat the baby right away. We're going to wait until the end. It's like when they open Capone's ball. She's going to eat the baby at five o'clock though, because it's for fucking old people. Absolutely, yeah. She only wanted to be in Matlock, come on. So this is Lance Walling.

And people are saying to me, they're saying I'm already getting hit because I had said that Mordecai had released a statement. Mordecai? Is there a... Does Mordecai have a PR agent? Fucking Mordecai?

Mordecai? Released a statement. This is how he gets his prophecies. It's just like some angels like standing at a podium. Next question. Next question. Senator Mordecai,

you have the floor. I will have 100 pieces of big red chewing gum, please. Sean Spicer joke. It's totally not relevant anymore. I know, but it's amazing. It's so funny that we've gone through stuff in the Trump cabinet so quickly that his press secretary from this first year in office is like five press secretaries ago.

Yeah. How many do you think? Like what's the over under on that at this point? I think the troll that's guarding the bridge now is going to have it for a while. You think so? You think she's got it? Oh,

I think so. Yeah. She's, I'll tell you this much. I don't think, I can't imagine why anybody else would want it. Yeah, I know.

It's gotta be like the least joyful job you ever wake up and have to do. Every day you wake up and you've got to look at your phone and you know, you know this is true. Every morning as his press secretary, you got to wake up and be like, fucking hate Twitter so much. I've never hated anything like I hate Twitter. Your entire life is just

a long series of slow exhales. The protection of the Jews and the undoing of slow exhales. The protection of the Jews and the undoing of Haman's... Haman's? Wait a minute. Hold on a second. You don't undo the Haman. It's more of a... Yeah, I mean, like, it's really just sort of an invasive procedure. You're just reaching... Are there

laces in there? Like, how do you undo this? I'm not... Oh, come on. I've never gotten that far. No edict. And it happened undo this. I'm not sure. Oh, come on. I've never gotten that far. No, edict. And it happened on the 6th or the 9th of this month. The 6th or the 9th? The 6th or the 9th. Okay. Those numbers,

they could go flipsy-flopsy. So when you're getting information from heaven. Sorry, I was under my car. I was looking upside-downsy at you. I got a little touch of the dyslexia. I could cure it because I'm actually God. My dog's name's God.

Heyman was going to be hung on his own gallows. And then people were already saying, ah, false prophet, didn't happen. But here's what's interesting. Oh, my God. What does any of that mean? I will say, I don't. But here's what's interesting. Oh my God, what does any of that mean? I will say, I don't know if any of those things happened. Like that is,

when they start doing their Bible talk and they get into their Bible talk, I'm just like, oh my God, unless you watch this thing from the beginning, like it's like turning on a series. Like it's like watching the last episode of Breaking Bad only. Well, who is that guy?

Why did Eddie? Who is that guy? Seems weird. And why did he put the thing in the trunk? I don't understand. We have to now see what the report's going to come out that was issued between the 6th and the 9th of this month that is being suppressed in Washington. It's being suppressed. I never get to see it.

This is the perfect wiggle. Exactly right. So what he's doing is the perfect wiggle. Exactly, right? So what he's doing is he's saying, look, here's what I'm doing. I'm saying that it's already out, but it's being suppressed. So I'm still right, guys. I just want you to know how right I am. I'm telling you from authority how right I was.

And it's being suppressed because the report is damning evidence on the corruption. And who issued the report? Who asked for the report to be issued who did the investigation to create this fucking report how does he think this works somebody's like i just wrote a book report and there's fucking yarn on the side of it and there's a fucking fucking puffy paint and glitter pen on the front it says like oh this, this is Joe Clarkson's report from my third grade class

or whatever. Like, no, that's not how reports of the government work. I love that somebody is, somebody sees Hyman or whatever, has passed a Mordecai press release or whatever, and then it's like, Joe, this is

my desk. Is there any way you can help me suppress this? Yeah, put it in your drawer. then it's like, Joe, this is my desk. Is there any way you can help me suppress this? Yeah, put it in your drawer. Joe's just like, yeah, on the left side of your desk, everybody's got one here. There's a little round thing. You just slide it right in there. Why would you issue

the report to somebody who doesn't want the report? Right? Cecil, could you write me a report? But then once you give it to me, I want you to go through the effort of writing. I want you to investigate and find these things out. And I want you to write it. And then when you give it to me, I'm going to delete it.

That is like some passive aggressive bullshit. Your boss is just like, what I want you to do is bring me a coffee. I want you to walk into the kitchen with the coffee. I want you to look me right in the eye and pour it down the drain. Then you're going to go out and get me another coffee because you know what? You were going to fuck up the first coffee anyway and I'm saving you the fucking trouble. Jesus, what do you work at?

Debra Ware's product? The improprieties of the deep state in terms of its engagement against Donald Trump. And so I'm still going to be vindicated in that because the Heyman decree is being undone and the Mordecai decree has been made. And now we have a series of months, six months between the decree and the Feast of Purim, or in their case, in our case, in our schedule, it means that between now and the midterm elections, November, where the Christian people will decide if they have a right to exist.

If just like the Jews, if the Christian church doesn't arise and in a sense arm itself spiritually and know how to move forth in culture over the next six months and it goes in the midterms, terms, then we're determining whether or not Donald Trump as a Cyrus has just three pathetic little raps with the arrows on the ground or whether we give a mighty six or seven, one for every mountain. What the fuck are you talking about? Like I fucking, you lost me 40 seconds ago and you just fucking left me there. Do you remember our good friend in college who spoke exclusively in a series of overlapping and unexplained metaphors. I got just as frustrated with him too. Seriously, the same

thing. It's like at some point, you have to stop speaking exclusively in metaphors or you're not saying anything at all. You have gone so far down the fucking track with this shit. He's switching metaphors.

He's conflating one thing with another without ever explaining what one thing stands for. You cannot make heads or tails out of this no matter who you are. And that's the point of this garbage, right? My prophecy didn't come true. Well, let me obfuscate it with gibberish. My Mordecai is going to bang his arrow against the ground six times. Then he's going to pop and then it's going to be over. There's a Star Trek,

I haven't seen it, but there's a Star Trek episode where this race they come across speaks exclusively in metaphor. And it's super infuriating because nobody can learn how they talk. Nobody can understand it, even like their supercomputer can't understand it. They're just like, that doesn't make any sense. That's real stupid. talk like nobody can understand it even like they're super computer right i know it's like

that doesn't make any sense that's real stupid and then they're just like like so and so and this and that and they're like fucking making all these like constant metaphors and everybody's just like looking at them dumbfounded like what the fuck are you talking about yeah they finally figured out at the end but it takes them a while to get down to fucking lance wallen right guys like this don't understand. Like a metaphor, if it does not have explanatory power, it's just a word salad.

And we move forward. The decree of Haman has been undone, but now it's time for the smiting of the arrows and the mobilization of the people of God to go forward. You want to share this message with other people, and I'm convinced... I want to share this. I want to share this message with other people, and I'm convinced that... I want to share this. I want to make sure all my friends

are confused. I would love... You know, this would be great to, like, to, like, go to a psych wing and just share this message because people are just like, I can't process this at all. It's like one of those horror movies where people are just shaking their head.

Like, all really fast and weird. It's because it of those horror movies where people are just shaking their head. Like all really fast and weird. Foaming at the mouth. It's because it's fucking crazy. When the attorney general reports and the special investigation papers are released, you'll see it was the 6th and it was the 9th. It was those dates in which there was editing being done. And everybody right now is editing and editing, and they're trying to water down the document, but the document's already been

released. It's going to come out. What the fuck are you talking about? And how do they water it down once it's been released? Does he think that these reports are like Wikipedia entries that you just go in? It's like an editor. He's like, Deep State 69

is typing in Wikipedia and re-changing everything. God damn it. Who wrote this? Wombats forever. Fuck. Come out. It's going to come out. And you'll see that it was during the time of Mordecai's decree that a great reversal was beginning to take place for the benefit of Cyrus Trump.

I have never heard any series of words strung together. Cyrus Trump? What the fuck is that? What is he, Cyrus the Entertainer? What are we talking about here? What is that? Is he comparing him

with someone in the Bible? I'm guessing that he's calling Trump Cyrus and Cyrus had swords or something or store arrows. I don't remember. I don't know.

I think he had plowshares that he beat. He did eventually. Is that one way or the other? I don't remember. I don't know. He had plowshares that he beat. He did eventually. Is that one way or the other? Did he beat the... Yeah. Is it like the Terminator where they like just sort of like...

Grab him and like stretch him out until they're... Yeah, well, like it's like liquid metal. It just turns from a plowshare into... That would have been awesome if the Terminator had plow hands that he fought with. Like two little plow hands.

We should remake that movie. Instead of the knife hands that he had. And he should fight Mr. Plow from The Simpsons. Two little plow hands. We should remake that movie. Instead of the knife hands that he had. And he should fight Mr. Plow from The Simpsons. He should fight Jesus and then stab him through the hands. Oh, nice. And then Jesus goes for a kick and he stabs him through the feet. See, I would watch this action. I don't like action movies.

I would watch this action movie. I would watch T. I would watch T3 or 4. You gotta be honest. T is like a cross anyway. You know what I mean?. You'd watch T. I would watch T3 or 4. You gotta be honest. I mean, T is like a cross anyway. You know what I mean? Like, it'd be T, you know? The fucking movie poster makes it soft.

It totally does. It just comes down like, ah. T4. Is there a T3? I think there is a T3. Huh. There is, because there was a girl in it who wore, like, leather pants, I remember. Isn't there always a girl that wears leather pants? I don't know. This one was very special leather pants. I remember. Isn't there always a girl that wears leather pants?

I don't know. This one was very special leather pants. It was definitely a very special episode. Okay. All right. Yeah. All right. As I recall.

I got you. Yeah. No, it was definitely, she was the kind of Terminator you take home to mom. Oh, was it girl Terminator? Yeah. Oh, because usually it's like,

isn't it usually a heroine who fights the terminated? Yeah, well, that's Linda Hunter, whatever. What is Linda White? Linda Blair? I don't know what her name is. Linda something. In the first movies, she was in both of those movies.

Yeah, and she was fighting the terminated. Right. The third one, I don't think she's in it. The third one, they were like, let's make a sexualized robot of death. And I was like, so you can get a weird erection right before you get killed. Let's fucking do this.

I don't remember much of it, but I do remember her. Say what? Nobody's running away. Yeah. I'm going to kill you. Yeah, all right. I'm going to stay here and just kind of wait this out. See what happens. Maybe something happens first. What does your hand turn into?

Can you fist yourself? I do believe that atheists are parasites in the sense they're benefiting from everything that religious culture is built in America, but they're doing nothing

to add energy into the system. This is from Might Wing Watch. This is Alex Jones. Pedophiles, spiritual vampires are feeding on the essence of children. Cecil, this is the kind of hard-hitting journalism

the nation needs right now. Jesus Christ. Here we go. What are you doing? All right, here it goes. Where is he, by the way? I don't know. He's like at some resort.

And Alex Jones keeps walking up and snatching the microphone out of this guy's hand. It's pretty amazing. Look at Hollywood, the whole media. They literally hate Christians. They admit the persecution of Christians doubled the last 10 years. They absolutely admit that if they can extinguish that, they believe they can then be God. You know, atheists should have absolutely

no regard for Christianity. They shouldn't even care. Think about it. Are you a Buddhist? No, you're not. I'm not a Buddhist. Do you ever think about Buddhism? Does that obsess you? Does that upset you? Do you go after it? No, you don't. You don't even think about it because you don't believe in it. A true atheist wouldn't care about Christianity. They just look at it as just another religion I don't believe in, whatever. Yeah, that's exactly how I think about it until it impacts all of the laws of the land. Can I ask you a question there, dipshit? How would I know you're religious unless you fucking shoved it down my throat? There's no way for me to know that you're religious unless you tell me you're religious,

right? I should just assume everybody's not religious, but instead you're the one telling me that you're religious. Why are you telling it to me? Well, it's because you want to take my rights away or take rights away from somebody else. That's the reason why this same fucking thing Neil deGrasse Tyson said a while back, though. This is the same argument that they use. Well, if you're truly an atheist, you really shouldn't just, you just shouldn't care about, you know, I don't care, you know, it's just like not collecting stamps. I don't care about the people who do

collect stamps. Yeah, but the people who fucking collect stamps aren't trying to fucking change the laws so we fucking collect stamps in fucking a homeroom every morning. You know what I mean? I wouldn't care if like Roe v. Wade. You know what I mean? I wouldn't care if Roe v. Wade wasn't under attack. Right? I wouldn't care. And like, when you say the reason, the principles

that are motivating the decisions that I fundamentally disagree with that disempower people who are in positions that need protection, they are clearly saying we are doing this because we're good Christians. Much of the opposition to climate change

research is religious based. I care about that all of a sudden. I don't care that you're Christian. I think you just have a bad set of fucking ideas about how the world works. But as soon as your Christianity shits in my cereal, I don't want to eat that cereal anymore. As soon as it's pushing,

it's like you could go into like say, let's say I'm in a Chuck E. Cheese. And for people who don't know what Chuck E. Cheese is, Chuck E. Cheese is a place that makes terrible pizza that entertains little kids. Right. So that's what, that's basically what it is. And if you're in another place, another country, you might not know that, but it's like a pizza place. You bring your kids to have a pizza party. Um, let's say I'm in Chuck E. Cheese with my wife and I start having sex with her. I start doing it doggy style right there. And people are like screaming at you, right? They're screaming, I yell at you.

And you're like, what, what are you, anti-doggy style? What's wrong with you people? What the fuck is wrong with you? What are you, fucking anti-doggy? Do you not like to have sex doggy style? It's on you. It's like, no, you're ejaculating on a pizza next to my kid. That's why I'm upset because you're making me care about it, right?

I would never care. You're intruding the space. If you did the doggy styles at your fucking little private place, I don't give a fuck. How would I know? I literally would have no way to know. But instead, you're coming out and showing me right now. You're saying, I want to change the world. I want to fuck the world doggy stuff.

That's what you want to do as a religious person. So yeah, I'm going to have a hard time with that. Why is there a vitriolic hatred towards Christianity? Think about that. Because it's a spiritual war. It's a bloodlust because it's a spiritual thing that we're talking about here, people. It must be a spiritual thing.

You're talking about religion, I guess. I can't imagine what other kind of thing. I you could be talking about money making how do i have a blood lust though like where is the blood coming from like the blood seems to be coming from the religious a lot more frequently than it is from the non-religious the blood is coming out of the straw from the straw man he just not necessarily the people may not even realize but if there's a demon inside them Or if they're not with God or walking in the world In the worldly evil world

In the worldly evil world? That's the worst one It's like for the crow and the guy's like You can't do that, this is a really real world Blam, yeah you can Done, yeah Guess we're editing this movie different They're naturally going to reject what's from god that's why you see people rejecting donald

trump but however the good news is there's millions and millions of the silent majority that understand what's going on and they're supporting none of you guys are silent you're the least silent majority ever they're the they're the most squeaky wheel you've ever seen. Oh my god. The silent majority as like we just every week randomly cover like 25 of you guys. Donald Trump. That's why he won. How did he win? Think about it. How did Donald Trump win? And I love the spirit

of it. They know he's not perfect. He's a wrecking ball. He never was a hypocrite. He never was a hypocrite. There's a Twitter, there's like a Reddit that's based on Trump's tweets that show the tweets from when Obama was in office that counterdict exactly what he said that day. Where they're just like, where he's talking about like,

like how weak you would be if you wanted to talk to North Korea. And then he's like, I love North Korea. It makes me strong to talk about him. He is the most critting hypocrite. Like he crits so hard. That guy only cares about overturning Obama's shit.

That's it. That's all that that guy cares about. It's like, what did Obama like? Pizza? I don't like pizza. Alright, get all the pizza. You know what? No more Italians. Get them all out of here. Put them in a little cage. You know what? Turns out pizza's fake news. Put them in a little cage. That's a spicy meatball.

In the beginning, understood that it was a weapon against the enemy. Like you said, the way he just doesn't even care what they do to him. They don't. In fact, in the prophecy, God said they will. He cares so much, he complains constantly about his mistreatment. Yeah. How could you say that out loud? This is a guy who has complained since before he was made president about how poorly he's been received and treated. He fucking cries and cries and cries about it.

He's the fucking meltiest motherfucking snowflake that has ever been. And it's, and it's funny because all presidents are under extreme scrutiny, right? He's the first one to, to seem like the scrutiny that he's under is unique. Right. And unfair. And unfair.

And it's so not. I was thinking about it today. You know that Scott Pruitt guy, right? So Scott Pruitt got put in place. He was like a fucking, he was like a guy who like, used to fucking shit on endangered birds or something. I don't even know. The guy was like a horrible, shitty asshole beforehand.

He just wipes his ass with a hair in it or whatever. Yeah, he's just like, cut off that condor wing. I want to feel something soft up there. But like, seriously, the guy was like a total cocksucker before he ever joined the EPA. He hated the EPA, wanted to dismantle the EPA, got into the EPA. Definitely the right guy to be in charge of it. He's in the EPA and he's doing

crazy shit. Like at one point he like has his wife, wants his wife to get like a fucking chick filet and she doesn't even fill the form out right. She's like fucking, she's like filling it out all wrong. It's like fucking got the wrong name on it or something. They're just like, whatever. And then he sent out people recently, he sent out some of his aides or some of his advisors or whatever, some of the people who work for him, to go find his wife a job. Just like, go find that

lady a job. And they had to go out and do searches for her. And I was thinking to myself today, when I'm watching all this shit come out about Pruitt, and it's not just one thing. It's been a steady stream. It's been a steady stream. Those are just two things. there's a million things this guy's done horribly and in a stupid stupid way awful shitty wastes of funds like you wouldn't believe he's hemorrhaging money he doesn't know how to run anything

and i thought to myself i thought man this guy would have been shot into fucking orbit and exploded with missiles if he was a fucking democrat right if this guy was appointed by fucking obama and you know like the thing the thing that i also realized too when i thought about that was like you know what i don't think i'm wrong when i say if there was that kind of misconduct someone in their own administration would have gotten rid of them yeah they would have said enough's enough you're done you're gone we're sorry we made a mistake or whatever they would have you know said it's not our fault right yeah whatever they would have passed the buck however they've done it i almost feel like they would have gotten rid of him instead

this administration is just like wagging their dick in your face they're just slapping you back you like that do you like how i do this to you and this is not just one thing it's everything right it's every single thing that's happened in this entire administration that has been fucked up and wrong and stupid and dumb and idiotic. And it happens. And you're just like, how the fuck does that happen? And you're like, and then there's no accountability. And in fact, they're just happy and pushing it at you. Like, yeah, I fucking did that.

Right. I'm fucking. Yeah, I got it. I mean, it's seriously. It's like it's like the entire administration is shitty fifth grade bullies that are just putting your face in the toilet every day. And then they're just like, what? You like that? Do you like that? Speak against him. They will throw all the darts. The enemy will throw the darts at him. They'll do everything they can, but it will roll off his back like the water rolling off of a duck.

Just like the feathers protect the duck, he's protecting Donald Trump. His duck's ass is protecting his head. All that hairspray, it's like Scotchgard at this point. Is that a hairspray? Do you think they just

lacquer that shit on at this point? According to Donald Trump, because I heard an interview where he says that like, he even says like, I do my hair the way I like it, even though no one else likes it.

And then he sprays it down until it's just right so I'm just picturing him with this big thing of aquanet like a fucking 15 year old girl in 1988 I want to see him like with like a barber with a power washer

in here just spraying it did you hear the thing he said where he's like he's talking about ozone. He's like, are you telling me that if I spray hairspray in my apartment, which is completely sealed, that gets out into the environment. Are you kidding?

He's like a credulous, like as if he lives in a hermetically sealed, like bio dome. I know. Right. Like, and when you open the door, do you hear like a negative air pressure

whoosh? He's got like an airlock, like a vacuum seal airlock he has to climb in and out of. They brush him down like silkwood and brush his head out. I heard that. I was like, idiot, you said that out loud.

We elected that guy. God damn. So embarrassing. You know what Donald Trump's been doing since the day he got president? Golfing. Eating cake and ice cream and complaining the entire time. He's been going after the pedophiles. They've been doing raids

after raids. Of course, the media doesn't mention this. Then how would you know? How do you know? What is the fucking back channel of information that these guys all seem to have? The fucking Davy Crockett and her fucking kitchen chick. What the fuck is her name? Liz

Croken. Yeah, like she she's in her fucking kitchen with her YouTube channel and she's got like a back channel to secret MI-13 hunts and pedophile roasts and whatever. Somebody posted one thing on 4chan once under an assumed name, and they're like, oh, this Q has got a thing. Do you think that, like, they are really trolling bullshit sites on the internet and believing

that this shit is how the world really works? I don't know. I think it's, I think it's, this is the most, it's the easiest way to demonize someone, right? It's the easiest way to hurt someone, right? To basically discredit that person or that organization is to say pedophilia, right? Except for, you know, in the case of the Catholic Church, there's hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of bits of evidence. And in this, there's literally no evidence, right?

Look into it. Seek ye the truth. That's an order from God. Seek ye the truth. Because when you go after the truth, you end up to God. That's no matter what. You go after the truth,

you end up with God. And look it up. Is God raping the kids though? I don't, I'm not, I don't know. I mean, he's got a track record for it. Yeah. I mean, it's kind of like part of the structure, right? It's not a bug, it's a feature.

Donald Trump's been sending raids, capturing, and finding children in cages waiting to be tortured. Yeah, they're right on the border. He took them from their parents and he stuffed them in cages. Isn't that incredible? He's finding kids in cages. He's putting the kids there. Yeah. He's not fighting them. It's not like, oh, kid in a cage. Where'd that come from? It's like, oh, kid.

Somebody get me a cage. Yeah. Yeah. I got this. You hear that he was gonna create a tent city? I read that somewhere that he's gonna create a tent city. I read that too. Is that real? I don't know. I don't know. I mean, like one thing I think when I hear that though, is that he does like Sheriff Joe and Sheriff Joe did that for criminals.

I know, you know, maybe, or maybe not. I don't know. Like a bunch of kids in a tent city sounds like a boy scout jamboree. So we got to make sure they all get condoms. Yeah,

absolutely. Absolutely. Also kids, they're blowing up the condoms, balloons. It's better than having a parent. Like, okay. And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, kids, they're blowing up the condoms, balloons. It's better than having a parent like, OK, and and and ritually sacrificed. He's been saving people. He's been saving children and he's been arresting pedophiles. Like there was one recently this, this last week I saw one, um, there was some people in the UK, eight people were,

um, drugging and raping kids in the UK. They were like, there was like eight of them. Fuck. They, they had a band and they took this band around and they raped a bunch of kids and whatever.

What the fuck? And, uh, and like that's in the UK. And I heard about it. it right you know what i mean like i heard about right it would be big news why would it be a federal investigation too like the president has to like every state has don't fuck kids laws you don't have to like it's a montana you'd be like well thank goodness you crossed the border fucking that kid we gotta call in the

federales what are you fucking talking about? Like every local government always wants that to not be a thing. It's in the community's best interest. That's the thing. It shows up in local news. We cover the news every day. It's everywhere. It's like every day, but never

national news. It's in local news. Well, I also, like I live locally. Everybody lives locally. Everybody lives locally. This's in local news. Well, I also, like, I live locally. Everybody lives locally. Everybody lives locally. This is not a thing. Like, you would think that it would happen in a suburb of Chicago somewhere, and I would hear that news somehow,

maybe on the local news at 9 or something. I love the idea that, like, national news is just like, ugh, run with a different story. We're not going to pick up that pedophile raid. I was going to do the pedophile raid thing, but Hillary Clinton called earlier and I can't do it. She said she's going to eat the face off a baby if I do it. Joe, I got a great scoop

on this pedophile raid. There is a family video closing down on front and third. So I'm going to need you to cover that. Can you guys send out the false flag people to shoot up a school? That's the thing. It shows up in local news.

We cover the news every day. It's everywhere. It's like every day, but never national news. And then they panic more and more and they have Nambla now coming out at the UN, coming out on Vice, coming out I love that fucking Nambla's an NGO now or whatever. Nambla's at the UN?

Hey guys, I don't know if you remember this. Everybody hates us. Maybe he's mispronouncing Zambia. Namibia or something. Coming out on Salon saying, oh, it's okay. So they're trying to normalize it now. It's pure evil because it's their vampires. They psychically want to feed on the children.

They can't actually sacrifice them. They want to suck their essence out and ruin their innocence. And if you're a pedophile, you suck their innocence out very, very specifically. In the name of Jesus, we speak that. This story is from The Guardian UK. Ireland to vote on removing blasphemy as an offense. The referendum will probably be held the same day as the presidential election uh which is probably pretty good because it'll get more people out to vote for it presidential elections are always good for turnout um you know i when i read this i was like

you know well one of the things kind of like interesting is like in so many ways ireland is actually a pretty progressive place but they have these this like staunch religious background it's like it's been like it's had like a hold on on ireland for such a long time but like with the recent passage um legalizing abortion yeah and then this which is you know potentially if it goes through you know if the referendum goes through which remove blasphemy laws it's like those are some pretty big cultural barriers that are at least being questioned and in some cases knocked down. I'm blown away that the country has a blasphemy law.

Like, I had no idea. Are you? Yeah. They seem so like, like they're so owned by the church. You know what I mean? I mean, you see that we saw that with the abortion thing. But, you know, there's part of me that thought like there's a level at which you legislate over people's bodies, I think, more freely than you legislate over their thoughts. Because I mean, like in blasphemy laws to me feel like, you know, you can't be an atheist law almost.

You know what I mean? Like that's kind of what it is, because, you know, the people who are believers aren't going to blaspheme. It's the non-believers are going to blaspheme so you're basically saying like look you can't even not believe in this stuff and that's that's a that's a huge step from i think from like you know being anti-abortion i think that's a huge yeah i mean this is this is this is going to freedom of thought right yeah right and i would imagine that this would have gotten knocked down before the abortion. Yeah, well, it's interesting that one of the things that you would grant first is freedom of body. But freedom of thought would come second, right?

Yeah. That's an interesting, like, I don't know exactly what that says about how that works. But it's interesting to pause and think about, you know, that it's like, well, it's easier to give you freedom over your body, but it's less like if we give you freedom over your thoughts, we've lost all control. Because that's the thing that strikes me like that's the thing that religion really wants to have.

You can have body autonomy, but if you have autonomy over your own thoughts, what the fuck do you need us for? Particularly the Catholics who use that intercessory model. Yeah. Right. Right.

Yeah. Yeah. They're standing. Yeah. I just, what's crazy to me too, is that like, like my terrible impression of an Irish person is constantly saying,

Jesus Christ or Jesus. I'm always blaspheming. And I've been blaspheming since the beginning. Why is that a bad impression? That's literally everything I heard in Dublin. Abusing that. And that's all I ever say. That's all I ever say is blasphemy.

Right. Yeah. I'm surprised. Surprised you made it out of it. While I was in Dublin. Right. And doing that impersonation. Passing for a local, by the way.

That's because you had vomit all over your clothes and you pooped in the street. Everyone there is wasted. There was a poo in the street. There was a poo in the street. There was a poo in the street. You can't do it. There's no getting around that. Oh, no, you can walk around it, but it just draws your attention

because there was toilet paper, too. They packed that morning. There's a moment where you're just like, I am in a city. They packed two things that morning. Right. They packed that morning. Yeah.

There's a moment where you're just like, I am in a city. They packed two things that morning. Right. Canada used to be one of our most loyal friends and vice versa. I mean, Canada sent troops to Vietnam. Was Vietnam less containable and more of a threat than Vietnam? Actually, Canada did not send troops to Vietnam. I don't think that's right. Canada did not send troops to Vietnam.

So this is one of the many emerging stories from the Washington Post regarding Trump and Kim Jong-un and the recent summit and North Korean summit. Man, Trump and Kim declare summit a big success, but they diverge on the details. Everybody seems to diverge on the details. To hear Trump tell it, this was a historic moment. This was a grand success. Now, I want to lay out his, because he's a master negotiator, right?

So, you know, there's a give and a take. So what he got was a verbal agreement from Kim that he had previously to continue with nuclear disarmament. Yeah. What is not attached to that verbal agreement is any international monitoring, any specifics, any timeline. All the stuff that say we did for Iran.

Right. Yeah. And this has been done 16 times. So 16 times. So 16 times, a charm, there has been a verbal agreement towards, or a verbal, uh,

some overture toward this, right? Okay. So, and what he got in return. So what Trump had to give, what he got in return was a sit down meeting with the U S president, which the

Kim regime for three generations has been trying to get, right? And then he also got an agreement to suspend military operations in South Korea. The fuck? The fuck? Oh, historic success.

I want to make sure that I say like, I am happy if we get a non-nuclear North Korea. Right? I'd be happy. I would be thrilled. I'll be happy for that. Yeah. I don't know that this is going to yield that. I'm not sure. I can't

be sure. Trump made a really nice movie that he played for him. Did you see the movie? It's embarrassing. Like, it's the most cringey thing I'd ever seen. It's so cringey. It's so embarrassing. And you watch it and you just, I just can't. I like, if you, take four minutes

out of your day and go watch this. It's so cringey. But he basically made a trailer showing how great North Korea could be for Kim. And what Kim, you you know like you said he got he got to show that he's he's on the world stage he got tons of propaganda to bring back to his people to show his people we've had we had trump during that those discussions say things like he loves his people he said stuff like you know i think we like each other. Like, this is a guy who's a despotic ruler.

Like, he's not, this is not somebody who's just a really nice, cool dude. Human Rights Watch called the Kim regime the most dangerous autocratic regime in modern history. This is a guy that when confronted by Fox News today, maybe it was yesterday, but very recently, about Kim's track record with human rights, Trump blew him off and said, a lot of people have done bad things. This is a guy, Trump said, this is a guy who loves his people. Loves his fucking people.

Public executions. Loves his people. Forced labor camps. A three-generation policy. Loves his people. What are you fucking kidding me with this shit yeah and then like right before he leaves he has this big dust up with canada and we have this trade tariff thing going on in canada and basically they go to the g7 summit and he says look i'm gonna basically screw your countries over and i'm not gonna like work with

your countries and canada it basically does the same thing. Like, fine, cool story. We'll do the same thing to you then. And so there's these tariffs that get levied on both sides. And now here's where I think that there's a huge issue with that, right? There's a huge issue with that deal with Canada ahead of time. with that, right? There's a huge issue with that deal with Canada ahead of time. The next day after that happened, every single pundit on the right was screaming about how he's going to visit North Korea. And he's got to show that he's powerful. He's got to show that he's strong. He's got to

show that he's not afraid. And that's why he did that with canada and my thought was if i'm north korea and i just watched a guy fuck his neighbor to the north who's been good friends with him forever right what kind of deal do you think i'm gonna get from this yeah i know right like what you know this guy isn't strong he's an asshole and he's being an asshole on the world stage and i don't see him as strong i see him as like well that's how, if that's how he treats his, his close allies, I don't want to be one of his close allies. You know what I mean? Like if he's going to treat his close allies like shit, why would I bother? And so this whole entire mess of stuff that's been going on has been spun by the people on the right as if this is the most historic thing that's ever happened. And, you know, I heard somebody say,

and I don't know if I disagree, they would have impeached Obama if he talked to Kim Jong-un. They were so upset when he said this, just even just in passing during, I think it was the election cycle, it was before he got elected. He said it in passing, yeah, I'd meet with people in Iran,

I'd meet with people in North Korea, and they just put him on the pillory. They beat the shit out of him about how stupid that is. Oh my gosh, he's going to go talk to communist dictators, yada, yada, yada. But the moment Trump wants to do it, it's the greatest thing ever. I want to remain consistent and say, look, I'm not against talks. I'm not against talking to people. But what I am against is going in there without people who know what the fuck is going on in the State Department, going in there and, you know, not having a non-binding agreement, going in there and just making a big fucking reality TV show out of it instead of like real substantive progress.

I have a problem with that. Well, I mean, look at the lesson for Kim, right? If you're Kim Jong-un, what did you do? You built a nuclear bomb. You detonated a whole bunch of times. You got everybody's attention. You got them scared. And now you got the sit down, right?

You did exactly, you got exactly what you wanted from this thing. Yeah, by being awful. Right. So the message here seems very clear is that everything I did worked perfectly. I am safer because now the U.S. and South Korea are not going to have military exercises on the other side of my border. I got to sit down with one of the most powerful human beings on the planet. I got concessions. I was able to show the world that my nuclear weapons brought me to the big boy table. Why would I give those up? Yeah. And, you know, what message does this send to Iran? Basically, what it's saying to Iran is, get your nuclear program in order,

get your missiles flying, and the U.S. will come and do these exact same things to you. They will make all concessions the moment your missiles fly. And what does it say that you pissed off Canada? Yeah. When you pissed off Canada? I know. It's Canada!

That was so embarrassing. That whole exchange was so embarrassing. Oh my God. And Trudeau was just sort of baffled by it. He's like, what the fuck are you on about? You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers!

I want the truth! You can't handle the truth! This is weird. This is from the CBC. Christianity's not on trial baby custody case pits bc zealots against the state uh so weird so this is a couple uh that had a kid and uh they decided in court when they were being they were defending themselves in court in a custody case where the state was trying to take their kid away from them.

They said, ah, you know, we don't need an attorney. We've got a stuffed lion. Right. And this is not a joke. This is real.

And they brought a little stuffed lion. And then they spoke in tongues to the stuff line and then spoke for the stuff line. Cause you can't expect everybody in the place to understand what the stuffed lion said. They didn't bring a stuffed babblefish. They certainly didn't bring a stuffed lion interpreter. Right. You've got to go to school for a long time to do that.

It takes a long time. Oh my God. So the battle was for custody of the baby who the mother wants to rename Jesus Joy of the Lord, by the way. Joy of the Lord is one word. Is that the middle name? I don't think so. Oh, dot ord.

No, Lord. Sorry, I don't have my glasses on. I don't know what glasses are. Jesus Joy of the Lord. I think that's the middle name because the baby's still going to keep their same surname, right? So they're like Smith or whatever. So it's Jesus Joy of the Lord Smith

or whatever their name is. I don't know. Because you can change your last name too yeah you can change the whole thing yeah so it's funny because like they want to change the name and the judge is like no that's really stupid that's not going to happen no also you're talking to a

stuffed lion right now so you should lose always yeah this is one of those cases where you you know, these people are clearly insane. Like, you're clearly crazy when you're bringing the stuff. I don't understand how that happens. And anybody's like, how do you get past security with the line? Right.

Like, what do you do? Like, dress the line in a suit for court? You know, you pull your keys out and you put it in a little dog dish. You know, you pull your keys out. You got your little, you dish, you know. You pull your keys out, you got your little, you know, you got your cell phone, and then you pull your stuff flying out. And they're just like, no. That does not go in. And they're like, no, but

it's my attorney. They just set it down in front of the metal detector like, okay, you go first. He's a little shy. This is his first time in court. This is joy of the Lord. Go through. Just come on. Go through. Come on. Go on. Coke some.

Can you hold out like a little piece of cheese? He'll run to you. They dress the lion up in like a suit like to look all fancy for the court. They got one of those My Little Pony brushes and they brush his hair real nice. Get in back. I like, you know, they got one of those my little pony brushes and they brush it back I like you know of all

the cases that seem the easiest to decide as a judge a custody case where they show up they're like well hang on you haven't heard the other side of our argument at that point you're just calling in the SWAT team to swoop in and save the baby you're just like we just want to make

sure the baby gets out alive. So we want to thank our patrons. We want to thank our most recent patrons, Bobson, Erica, Andrew, Athleistan, Annalade, Antonin, Spencer, Chad, Dennis,

Tamara, and David. Thanks so very much for the generous donations. We truly do appreciate it. I want to mention we got a message from Roger. And Roger sent me a message and said, Hey, by the way, your FeedBurner RSS feed is down. And so chances are, I don't know, but chances are if you had the RSS feed from FeedBurner,

you can't hear this anyway. But FeedBurner was something that I had the RSS feed for a while. But our RSS feed, since we've got like over 400 podcasts, is bigger than like 1,000K or whatever they allow. So it just won't run anymore. So you're going to have to switch over feeds. So if you happen to come across this podcast in some other way, um, you know, and,

and you, you are using that feed. We are still producing shows. So we didn't stop at 400. So, but how would it still is not, it's not broke. It's broken.

So we got a funny message. I love this. This is from the humble humanist and they sent along a, uh, a, a sort of package of communion wafers and the community wafers say on it that they are gluten. Uh, they have a 0.01% gluten content. And the person said, if transubstantiation is true, why would they need this? And it's so true

because this is supposed to turn immediately to like the body of Christ. Can you eat it if you're vegetarian? Uh, what the body of Christ, I don't know if you're vegetarian? With the body of Christ? I don't know. I would imagine that they wouldn't be. That's got to get weird, right? It's like it's wheat. Yeah. So yes, but then it turns into body.

It turns into the body of Christ. So no. Once it's in your tum-tum. Can you eat it if you're not a human cannibal? I think they all do. I know. They're all human cannibals. I think it's weird.

That is super weird. That's a super weird thought to even think like, yeah, it turns into the body of Christ. This is the literal body of Christ. I think the reason why the vegan would eat it is because he didn't suffer. I mean, only for like three days. It's not as bad as most meat. It's certainly not

as bad as factory farms. We got a message. In fact, we got a lot of messages about talking about the cake case last week. And a bunch of people were saying, hey, you kind of felt like you guys were giving those people the benefit of the doubt and sort of talking on their level. And I want to mention that Tom and I do this very often. What we'll do is we'll hear someone say something. And in this instance, we heard the person who won the case said something

ineffective on the Oprah show. I'm an artist and I don't want someone to dictate what I do with my art. Now, Tom and I, while we didn't agree with that statement off the bat, even if we granted that statement, we still argued against it based on whether or not we granted that statement. And Tom and I do that very often, but we'll do it with Alex Jones. We'll say something like, okay, even if that's true, here's why it's wrong. Right. And that's what we did with that.

I'm not trying to say that they had any right to do any of the things that they did. I feel like I did mention several times in there that they didn't. But I also wanted to argue against the points that they were making because I feel like if you can knock those points down, it's the better for it yeah we talked about this season i talked about this earlier like if i grant you your premise and then i prove your premise wrong now it's like yeah like it's gone now right yeah it's just totally gone so um and when the premise is this idiotic yeah

and so it's worth spending some time and i I also think it's, it is an interesting question about whether or not artistic sort of artistic endeavors. Do they fall outside of, do they have a special set of considerations? I don't think that that's an unworthy subject of conversation. Sure. Got a message. This is from Matt and Matt sent a long message about what would happen

when Trump meets Kim Jong-un, Tom. Kim takes one giant scoop of Neapolitan straight across all three flavors. Gross. Tiger blood. Trump takes two bigger scoops of just strawberry and vanilla because he doesn't like brown things. Kim turns the container upside

down and takes the rest. Trump gets two more containers, empties the mouth, slices off the chocolate and pays Dennis Rodman $130,000 to eat it, but never talk about it. Never talk about it. Kim gets a swimming pool full, dives in and starts eating.

Trump orders the nearest stadium, gets filled, but only after a wall gets put down one third to keep the brown out. They both die. The world never speaks of them again.

Oh, if only things went like that, Matt. Instead, we got a fucking movie. Oh, we got a message about, this is from Joe, and we got a message. Joe had said that, Alex Jones had said that he was, he's like a gorilla in his birthday suit.

And this is a quote, male gorillas can weigh as much as 400 pounds, but their erect penis length is only about 1.5 inches. Hey, you know, can I mention something? Sure. Who's the guy who has to measure an erect gorilla penis? That's a weird job. Is that, now do you get hands-on training for that?

Got a message on, this is from a patron. Patron, a patron Chad says, I just listened to episode 346 and Cecil, how dare you speak ill of Spotted Cow. Spotted Cow is from New Glarus Brewery in Wisconsin. And Spotted Cow tastes like a beer you left out overnight. So like if you open it up and then like, let's say you forgot about it and then you woke up in the morning

and you go and you're like, man, I'm the little hair of the dog. I'll open forgot about it and then you woke up in the morning and you go and you're like man i'm the hair a little hair of the dog i'll open a beer and then you accidentally drink the beer from the night before that's what spotted cow tastes like yeah actually actually that beer probably tastes a little better than spotted what wait a minute hold on what kind was it to start with i like that is not keep telling you, that's not beer. The tapper's short. It's very small. You got to pump the tap.

We got a message from Hannah, and Hannah says, a couple of people actually pointed this out, that they do study primates in psychology. We got an image from Aaron. Oh, this is great. It's a two-headline image. I'm going to put it on this week show notes. You got to read the,

read the headlines in order, read the one, the one in bold first and then the other one. And, and yeah, it kind of tells the whole story. It says two headlines says it all. And I agree.

So there you go. All right. Well, that's going to wrap it up for this week, but we're going to leave you like we always do with the skeptics. Creed credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter. Mommy hypno babylon bullshit couched in scientician double bubble toil and trouble pseudo quasi alternative acupunctuating pressurized stereogram pyramidal free energy

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