Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 433: Resistance From Within

Episode Date: September 10, 2018

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This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by AdamandEve.com. Just go to AdamandEve.com and type in GLORY, that's G-L-O-R-Y, at checkout, and you'll get 50% off almost any item, a free sex swing, and free shipping. Here's a sloppy glory hole from Mormonism's left testicle, St. George, Utah. Glory hole, motherfuckers. Hi, Calvin, as usual. As usual, I love the show. I just recently listened to the entire show, including the 73,

which I usually listen to your shows in their entirety. But this time, I was really listening, listening, listening to the stuff you were saying. And you guys, I realized that you include dolphins. And dolphins are a thing. They're legit. So I don't understand. Otherwise, love you guys. Even with the dolphins, I love you guys.

I'm just puzzled. Okay. Glory Hole. Hey, Tom and Cecil. This is Brendan from New Braunfels, Texas. Hey, I just listened to episode 432, and I had the funniest mental image of Tom going to Glory Hole Studios,

hanging out with Cecil for like two to three hours, pretty much every week, maybe a couple times a week, maybe a few times a week. Basically, all the way dating back to the Everyone's a Critic days. And then driving home and seeing his two neighbors hanging out in the garage and being like, those two guys are gay. Anyways, I the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from glory hole studios in Chicago. My microphone is like spinning away from me while I do that, like chasing it. This is cognitive dissonance.

Even it knows it's going to be bad. I know, right? It's like, you fucking calm down. Maybe don't yell into me all the time. I just want to go. It's fine. It's like it read the news. And now it's going the other way as I'm trying to fix it.

Oh my God. Your fucking mic is spinning around. Get an exorcist in here. Jesus Christ. Your mother sucks cocks in hell. This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast

anyone who gets in our way. I didn't mean your mom. Your mom's nice, man. No, she's not. She's dead. Okay. She was nice. I'm just saying if there's a hell statistically while she's likely to be there. Pineapple upside down cake for everyone.

Every episode would be a blast. Anybody who gets in our way, we bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news,

makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome mat. This is episode 433

of Cognitive Distance. Thanks for relabeling the notes. You bet. Well, there was two episodes and you probably only looked at the fourth. The last one. Yeah, right. So there you go. I was at the restaurant the other night and I came in and they handed me the menu and

I looked at it like, I can't read this. And the guy looks at me, he's like, we have readers. Oh. And I said, what? And so he came back with reading glasses for me to look at the menu with. They had loner readers at the... That's amazing. I'll tell you,

dining at IHOP is worth it. You wouldn't think the lighting at 5 p.m. would be so bad. I mean, like, it's not. I'm just nearly blind because I'm really old. But I love the senior specials. Get the Rudy Tutti fresh and fruity. Like, what are you checking on the menu?

What does this come with? Fresh or fruity? Does it come with Rudy? Send him out. I want to look him over first. Lord, we just asked it to be covered with the blood of Jesus. Open hearts, Lord,

open hearts. Let's, uh, let's talk about the news this week, which was equally fucked up. And you know, it's funny because this week I did the show notes early. I had some extra time.

I did them. I think I did a Monday and I had the show notes up and like we record on Thursday. And there was a moment where I was doing the notes and I'm like none of this is gonna like it's Trump world now it's three days in advance and it's over like what am I even doing this for three days and it's over

it's fucking nuts yeah and I was right so let's do a religion story instead because this doesn't last right here this one will last the chance of time. This is fucked up. This is from the Patheos blogs,

the progressive secular humanist blog. Christian zealot beheads girlfriend because she refused to repent. There's a tell her twice joke I'm not going to make right now. Oh, it's terrible. Oh,

so, um, I wonder if he's actually talking for her though. Like he just uses her head as a puppet at a certain point, you know, this, this probably began with an argument. So the woman who was beheaded was a woman named Vanessa Khan.

Um, and like, clearly she did not vociferously enough oppose the notion. She lost this debate. I chose Khan beheading. Well, pro wins. The motion carries it along with your head right out the door. So this guy just fucking stabbed to death and then cut her head off.

And he said to police that he spoke with God. And God did not remind him of his right to remain silent when he spoke. Call a lawyer next time. You know what I mean? Like, call a lawyer. They'll tell you the right thing to do. God is just like, well, I don't know. Just tell him you did it.

I love, too, like, that this is basically the Abraham story with just a slightly different ending. You know what I mean? Because this is like, right. Abraham's like, nah, I'm going balls deep. But this is like, this is like the Abraham story in the Christian theology. It's this like amazing story of like, you know, faith, right? I was going, I loved God so much.

I was going to kill my son, which is a fucking crazy thing to do or say but like this is the same story except for that nobody stayed his hand yeah right right god is just like all right keep going now do it slower slower tell me what you're doing while you do what are you wearing i'm murder. You can read my book. Jesus, he's got like a sneaky nanny cam in this guy's house. He's just like watching it. Even worse, though, I want to read part of this article. Making the episode even more tragic,

investigators report that the couple's three-year-old daughter witnessed the brutal death of the mother. Daddy, when is mommy's head going to wake up? She's like a Lego person. Can I have mommy's head? I don up? She's like a Lego person. Can I have mommy's head? I don't think I'm going to make it. So remember how I couldn't have that necklace?

Jesus Christ. You know what's even worse? The kid wakes up like the godfather and the head's in the past. Well, maybe if mommy had cleaned up her room bum bum bum like Jesus

yeah it says the police report after confessing the police report that after confessing to his crimes Hernandez told investigators

he was not crazy he stated that a crazy person would not tell the truth this is like one of those logic puzzles though right like always tells the truth. This is like one of those logic puzzles though, right? Okay, always tells the truth. First you take a canoe and then you put a

fox with her head in it and then you send it across with a bag of grain and then it comes back with a straight jacket, I think. I think that's how the puzzle works. You know, like, when I read this, like, part of me wondered too, if like, if there were, and there's not, but if there were a God,

I think God would be like, don't blame this shit on me. Right. Right. Benevolent God. God's just like, no. Right the fuck on. No. That's on you.

Go lay down. No. Like, shit. Like this woman's like up and having like standing next to God. God's like, I don't know, man. Like they just they just yeah everything everything they win the sports ball game i did that they lose the sports ball game that was me you lose your head that's me too you know i'm just up here like listening to the golden heart music and indifferent to the suffering of others yeah indifferent to the suffering or joys of the people below.

Right. I, uh, I also want to say that the end of this article, they say that there was a $1 million bail. And I'm thinking, you know, if you're trembling your wife's head,

when the cops come in, maybe we skip the bail. Maybe we're just like, no bail. I thought about that too. It's like, well, we set the bail really high.

Maybe you should have set it at infinity dollars. Because is there any way he could pay up the national debt with his bail? Is there a check? He should. His parents are like, well, Billy, maybe he was just, we'll just get a home equity loan. Maybe he was just holding the head. He didn't actually cut it off.

You got to pay $100,000 of that million. That's like fucking Stormy Daniels money. Yeah. Like that's, so, you know, like, like dad was like, oh, he's in jail. That is porn star. Like I could. Scheduling his appointment.

It's like, oh, you know, you could probably fuck with a lot of porn stars for $100,000. He just, he's like counting his money. He's like $999,99. He just leaves like counting his money. Like 999,998. What did he do? Cut off her hair. This is, that sounds terrible. I've been saving.

I'm right. There. Call me back in an hour. You won't need an hour. Remember that jar of coins? I put her head in it. I've been putting my change in this Hinkley and Schmidt bottle

for 43 years. She's moving the other heads out of the way to take the change out of the couch. Hello, Nakba. Hello, Wepa. Hello, Wepa. All right.

So this story is from Reuters. A man who stabbed American tourists in Amsterdam names Wilders cites insults to Islam. So some fucking asshole stabbed two American tourists at a central station last week and he named an anti-Islam lawmaker, Geert Oylsers,

which I feel like I pronounced perfectly when he was questioned. And he said, and this is the part I this is why I included this. And he said he was motivated by perceived insults to Islam in the Netherlands. So like, again, for the millionth time,

like whenever you see that tired old argument, like, well, I mean, it's really about a socio-political difficulty. He stabbed two dudes in the Netherlands because he insulted their God. Yeah. That's it. That's the thing.

Somebody has holes in them they didn't need. You know, when I read this story, the first thing I thought was like, maybe that's why you don't punch Nazis. You know, when I read this story, the first thing I thought was like, maybe that's why you don't punch Nazis. You know, I probably don't agree with anything that Gert Wilders said either. Right. You know, I probably don't agree with anything he has to say. But that doesn't mean I want to stab him.

Doesn't mean I should inflict violence on him. Well, but like this thing, too, it's like. Like, this is like a classic weird thing I've never understood about like Islamic terrorism. This is an act of terrorism. So this guy is a Dutch anti-Islam lawmaker. I'm mad at him because he insulted my God. So I stabbed two American tourists. I know he just randomly stabs two people.

We're just like, I just got to stab somebody and I can't get... There's no way I'm going to get to that guy. I can't get to Gene Wilder or whatever the fuck I'm mad at.

Gene Wilder. You could get to Gene Wilder. I stabbed Willy Wonka. I think you could get to Gene Wilder. Yeah, right. As long as you got a shovel and a few minutes.

Yeah. Okay. Penny Sirius Christian is going to say that one of the primary teachings of Christianity is that you love your neighbor as yourself. Can you love your neighbor as yourself and then at the same time knee him in the face as hard as you can? See, so you know how sometimes we read these stories and it's like, fuck.

Yeah. And you got to walk away. This is one of those. This is a, I almost, you have, I think, those moments more than I do because you're a better person than I am. This one, like I was reading and I was like, I don't want this anymore in my brain. Yeah. I don't need this here. This is from the Burlington Free Press.

I'm going to put it all in your brain. This is a story about the St. Joseph Orphanage. It was operated in Burlington by the Sisters of Providence from 1854 to 1974. Up to 200 people at a time, orphans at a time, were subject to the horrors of this fucking place. And the story opens up with somebody being like, yeah, and then I saw these sisters throw a four-year-old out a window. Yeah, a boy out of a four-floor window. I don't know how old he was. The kid fell and bounced.

Yeah, he bounced. And she describes it, you know, and then, of course, he fucking was dead. And then it really just outlines a litany of horrors and abuses and murder and torture and neglect. I'm going to read the piece from the article where they talk about the abuses. People who grew up in orphanages

say that they were made to kneel or stand for hours, sometimes their arms with their arms straight out, sometimes holding their boots or some other item. They were forced to eat their own vomit. They were dangled upside down out of windows, over wells, or in laundry chutes. Children

were locked in cabinets, in closets, in attics, sometimes for days, or so long that they were forgotten. They were told relatives didn't want them or that they were permanently separated from their siblings. They were sexually abused

and they were mutilated. But other than that, and murdered. And murdered. Yeah. And like, you know, recently there was another story that came up where a church decided they were they were getting out of the orphan business. And they did.

They declared that they were getting out of the orphan business because they did not want to place orphan children with same sex families. So they're just like, you know, we're not. We're just not going to do it. We're just not going to do these fucking people can't be trusted ever yeah like the catholic church has proven time and time and time again in like every location that it has set up shop around the globe it has proven that it is an organization that seems to attract sadists it's amazing how many of them there are right that's not just sadists it's sadists that that either rape or that they murder.

You know, I got a joke for you. All right. Oh, this is going to be good. Because I like the setup so far. A rapist, a murderer, a priest, and a nun all walk into a bar, and there was only two people. Seriously, though, this is a horrible thing. We're talking about somebody who's,

you know, throws somebody out of a window. And you were talking, we were talking before about like, like, you know, who gets into the, the Catholic church and does this stuff. And,

you know, there's people that, that I think knew for a long time that they would be able to be protected by this organization. Some of these people might've been injured themselves as children by the Catholic church, knowing that the Catholic church would never do anything to those people. And then just revisited that punishment onto the next generation. I would guarantee that some of those people had been abused by the Catholic church already. Very probably. And then just jumped

right back into there and did it themselves. You know, like, this story tells, the woman who's telling this story is an adult. She's relying, she saw this kid

get chucked out the window when she was a kid. And the nun grabs, yeah. And the nuns were like, you didn't see shit. You didn't see anything. Grabbed her by the ear and said,

oh, your imagination is getting the best. So it's not like, you know, like in any normal fucking person sees a child thrown out of a window and the only thing that they do is run to the kid at the ground the ground and try to help yeah like there's nobody in the world you would protect like nobody in the world that you love enough that you would protect to watch them murder somebody yeah to watch them murder a little kid. I couldn't imagine it. Right. Couldn't imagine it.

There's nobody. So what the fuck? Like, why are like, like, but these, the church like sets up these crazy fucking systems of like thin blue line, like protectionism around their people.

And like, it perpetuates time and time again, this violence. And I saw recently this week that like the New York attorney general is going to investigate the Catholic Church for its crimes and its cover ups. And I really do think like we are at a time when there's no benefit of the doubt left. You cannot give the church or anybody associated with the church the benefit of the doubt. Church the benefit of the doubt. If we are in a world now where we are going to say

we believe the victims, then we believe the victims were abused by their accusers. Or, you know, by the people they are accusing. Accusing. The Catholic Church has a history, like a storied history over decades,

if not centuries, seriously in place after place after place after place after place after place. The orphanages and the single mother homes in Ireland with the mass graves, this fucking thing in Berlin, the thing in Pennsylvania, the thing in Boston that happened. Like, it's just like the thing in Chile that happened. That's just what comes to my mind off the top of my head. Like at some point. And that's only the stuff that's out. Right. Like right now I saw today, there was a story about the New York district attorney starting to bring charges or subpoenaing stuff

from the diocese in New York. And I think it's going to be dominoes that are going to start falling really quickly here. Right. The Catholic Church, there's not going to be a lot of places to hide because there's going to be so many people. You just can't

hold back the ocean. No matter what you do, you cannot hold it back. There's going to be enough people who are going to push us over the edge. Are we there? I want to be there. I think we could be in the next couple of years. I want to see these guys in prison. I want to see these fucking people

in prison. I don't think we'll ever see these priests or these bishops. You may see dribs and drabs, a couple of them, but I think that a lot of them, the statute of limitations has run out for a lot of these people for some of the stuff that they've done. Now, murder, no. But again, that happened in 74.

How old is that nun? Yeah. That nun's probably dead. That nun is probably dead. But like the people who saw it, everybody was complicit in it, you know? It's like you don't have to pull the trigger. Other people are the kids.

I mean, everybody else that's there is 30 plus years old. You know, that's 45 years ago. Right. You know, that's a 75 to 85 year old person, maybe even older.

That those people are now, they're all dead. If they're not dead, they're never going to go to prison. Cause they're on the fucking, they're on the, the cart that keeps you alive. Still like they're not going to prison. Yeah's it's like i i am i'm at a place where i wonder

if like we don't need to pass a different set of laws that specifically addresses specifically addresses and wipes out with no statute of limitations the abuse is done by religious figures. Because we see it in every religion. The Jehovah's Witness have a scandal right now. The Catholics have a scandal. Mormons recently. The Mormons have a scandal. They're all abusing their power

to hurt children, to hurt women, to hurt their flock. And sweep it under the rug. Maybe they don't, maybe not only do they not get the benefit of the doubt, maybe they get extra scrutiny. Because they have a history. I absolutely agree.

I absolutely agree. And I remember when we had Sean, this was one of the first guests, I think the first guest we ever had on the show was Sean Faircloth. In the book he wrote, Attack of the Theocrats, was just it outlines all these abuses, but then it also outlines the way

in which we just pass our hand over. Right. We protect it. And say, you know what, just because you're a religious institution, you don't have to go through all these other, you know, rigorous training things that a private institution would do to take care of children. So these nuns and these priests,

they don't have any experience with this stuff. They literally read a book real hard. Yeah. They read a book. You know, I mean, I'm sure they read other stuff, but you know, a divinity degree, a Catholic, it's not like they're getting tons and tons of

training on how to deal with somebody like a psychiatrist would, or like somebody who's a social worker, or somebody who's even just somebody who can cook the fucking lunches for the kids. None of that shit. You're not trained on any of it. Instead, you're just a person who believes real hard in the same thing I

believe. They're totally unqualified. Absolutely. In every way to do this work. Not only are they unqualified to do it well, but they have a history of not just not doing the work well, but then also just abusing their power. Abusing it

over and over. In these horrible ways. Why are we still giving them kids? There should be no fucking Catholic orphanages. There should be none. There should be no Sunday school. There should be none of that. There should be laws passed that like, sorry guys, you can't be in a room without a secular fucking lay

person. If you're in a room with a kid, you can't. Your whole organization has blown away all the goodwill it could ever have again period. Yeah, they're going to have to give those guys body cams or something. For fucking real. And then they're selling it on the dark web. I was going to say, they're selling the POV

version on the dark web. All they've got is Jesus Christ. I made a sex tape with Sunday school. Jesus Christ. What makes you think she's a witch? Well, she turned me into a newt. A newt. Got better.

Burn already! Burn already! God, this is great. This is from Right Wing Watch. Liz, eight fingers croaking, blames her surfing injury. Short shooter. She's got a snub nose. Pew, pew, pew.

She blames her surfing injury on a spell cast by Hillary Clinton. Seems likely. This story is fucking amazing. All right, so this is Liz. At least the pain will be temporary. So anyways, no one's threatening me, you guys. In this respect, no one cut off my fingers. Did somebody think someone cut off your fingers?

Did somebody think that out loud? That you were kidnapped because of Q and someone cut your fingers off? This is like one of those moments where somebody kidnaps Liz and cuts her fingers off and mails them in.

They're like, send us 50 grand. You're like, you can keep Liz. No, it's fine. Unfortunately, it was just a freak accident. I mean, if there's anything that happened to me that's related. I still can't believe she lost her fingers. Did she tell you? In a surfing accident.

In a surfing accident. Evidently, she had her hands like there's a cord. Surfing like there's a cord surfing. Like there's like a cord or something. And the wave grabbed the surfboard. Oh, no. And it cut her fingers off? It cut her fingers off. Yeah.

Wow. It's that powerful, huh? I guess so. That can happen? Yeah. Maybe she just had really weak fingers. Maybe she did. Maybe she had boneless fingers like her spine.

Boneless fingers. Those sound delicious. Let Spirit cook some of those up. Is she from Buffalo? Let's eat some boneless fingers like her spine. Boneless fingers? She's like, those sound delicious. Let Spirit cook some of those up. Is she from Buffalo? Let's eat some boneless Buffalo fingers. Sounds amazing. Don't you kind of want,

does a little part of you wonder if like the next surfer, like a hundred yards away, is just like paddling and like looks over and there's a couple of fingers bobbing in the way like, huh,

I'm going to save these. It's just like, now the grou going to save these. It's just like, nah, the grouper can have them. Somebody's got like a lucky Liz foot or something on their feet. That has got to hurt though, genuinely. Oh my God, yeah.

It just rips your fingers right off of you. You're like a soft shell crab at that point. That these people that I expose engage in witchcraft. You know, the people like Marina Abramovic. Witchcraft.

Can you point to the craft? Witchcraft. Which one? People like Hillary Clinton and for the Deep State articles that are getting ready to write a hit piece on me right now. Well, look it up. Look it up.

We do research on Hillary Clinton and Bill Clinton and their trip to Haiti and how I think it was their honeymoon. What do you mean by research? Do you mean looking it up on Google for a minute, which is how you said

you did your research before? I love the story she's about to tell. And she's like going to give enough details that if you were to type that in and you didn't care where the source came from. Yeah. You would certainly find a crazy story. Right. But like I just reread Macbeth.

That didn't make Macbeth happen. Yeah. Right. Right. Like just because you can like I read Frankenstein recently and that did not happen. Things can be written down with words that did not happen. Yeah, there's a whole genre. That's a thing.

Of literature. Right. Dedicated to this. I just love this idea that it's like, well, if you can read it on the internet, then that's doing research. Oh, I'm sorry. That makes you a fucking idiot. Yeah. I am sick of this idea that, like, research, that that word research has come to mean anything I read.

Oh, I know. I know. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. That's not what research is. Research is a whole fucking process. Yeah. It's a thing that you need to learn how to do that you vet and that you have like systems of how we come to knowledge.

And those things don't change or become less valuable just because you read read i don't care how many thousands of words you read on a subject you did no research yeah there wasn't an actual research done that is not research it's like you can't just read things and say you did research you have to know how to research that is a whole thing that is a a whole system. And like, it makes me, people use that all the time. Well, I did a lot of research.

No, you didn't. You probably didn't do any. You probably, would you read two, three articles about a subject? Yeah. That's not,

that's not research. That's not fucking research. Well, and the problem is, is that, is that, well, you know,

she said this in the past before, where she's like, just look it up. And I've done this. People have sent me, I got into a fight with somebody on Twitter once. That wasn't really a fight. It was just more of a discussion where they were trying to say, look, look at the stuff that's in Podesta's home. Look at the stuff that, and you know, we're going back and forth, but they were basically saying,

look, look at the stuff that John Podesta, I don't know if it was that Podesta or not, has in his home and look at the people who they hang out with. And I was like, yeah, that I recognize that some of that art is really weird. Like I get it. That art is weird and creepy and strange, but I know people who like crazy, creepy,

weird, strange art that doesn't make them bad people. It doesn't, it doesn't make them awful individuals. It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't, it's not, you know,

if you have a weird, uh, humanoid looking child thing, that's sleeping that you're looking at on like, that's like a sculpture. That doesn't mean you fuck kids. It doesn't mean you trade in children. It just means you have a sculpture. That's the evidence we have. The evidence we have is that it's a sculpture. That's it. It speaks to your aesthetic values. Yeah. Not your sexual values. Right. It has nothing to say about that. Right. But the thing that they will say is, they'll say, look at this research I found. I did research. And there's, I mean, you can find it, guys. All you have to do is just search for like, like Podesta and type in

anything negative. And the articles that you can find, take a few seconds out of your day to read some of these articles and read what they have, how they make the connections. They make all these connections and try to make it seem like there's this big, crazy conspiracy going on. And you just look at it and you're like,

yeah, you know, you could take a million pictures of all the stuff that he has in his house. But unless one of them is a tied up kid that he's fucking, I don't care about what's in his house. I don't care them is a tied up kid that he's fucking, I don't care about what's in his house. I don't care at all about who he hangs out with. There's not even any victims. Yeah. Like, that's the thing, right?

There's not one victim. There's not one victim that comes forward. There's not one bit of evidence. Right. In the time of cell phones and cameras and tiny pinhole cameras you can hide everywhere. In the time that you can, I mean, you can fucking sneak a phone into like a fucking presidential briefing room for crisis.

You can track where people are at all times. Like there's so many different things that you could, you could find that would be one shred of evidence for this, but nobody has any evidence about it at all. And it's not just because it can happen. Like, yes, it could happen, right? Any of this stuff could happen. Someone could be a pedophile and be a politician in a high level. That could happen. That could happen.

I'm not saying it can't happen. I'm just saying, show me that it happened. Like, show me a once that it happened. Show me a bit of evidence that these people you're accusing of, that it happened to any of them. Show me one bit of evidence. But that's the thing.

It's like like evidence literally does not matter because there is a total lack of an ability and desire, I think, to differentiate between what's true and what you just like hearing about. What confirms your bias.

Just because you like hearing something, just because it makes you feel good to think something is true, has no relationship to the truth of the thing. The truth of the thing is either true or not true. However, it makes you feel that they're fucking totally unrelated things. They admitted to doing voodoo there together. You know, research Marina Abramovic. Like, she talks about the rituals she does.

She's an occultist. All these people dabble in witchcraft and spirit cooking. So why is that? Why is that? Her voice sounds like it's like, it's going through Oxy right now. She's got, she's all McConaughey out.

She is like, when you hear her, I was just like, what the fuck? Like, it sounds like she's talking through a leaf blower or something, you know, to do these people like do witch what the fuck? Like, it sounds like she's talking through a leaf blower or something. You know, do these people like do witchcraft against me?

Like, of course they do. Of course they do. What do you mean? Of course they do witchcraft. Okay. This requires two things that you have to strain your credulity on. One, that someone is spending their time on Liz Crooked. Like a politician, somebody who she's talking about.

Cause the people who she talks about, they have no idea she exists. Right. So, you know, she's like Alex Jones to Mike, to Rubio. You know what I mean?

Like, it's just like, there's, I don't even know who you are. And so they have no idea who these, who these people even are. But the second thing is, is that witchcraft is real and witchcraft works.

And when you say things out loud and go boogity boogity boogity, somebody's fingers fly off their body. A rogue wave showed up. Poseidon was like, hang on, I'm getting a call. I'm getting a call. Hang on. It's Luke Croak in the water! Christ. These people, they never let me down.

I want to just take a nap under the sea. Under the sea. Surprised if they're like casting spells on me the night before. So. Yeah, you can't cast it. Like, here's what you got

to understand. You cannot cast it more than a night before because it wears off. It like has an expiration date. Right. Well, magic. Like her fingers.

Best if finged by. So, yeah, I'm sure that the headline tomorrow will be like, oh, conspiracy theorist Liz Crokin says her fingers got chopped off because, you know, Hillary Clinton casted a spell on her. Well, actually, it's Liz Crokin blames her surfing injury on a spell cast by Hillary Clinton.

But very close. Very close. Very close. Also, headline is a little grand here. Like, you aren't making the headlines, Liz. close, very close. Very close. Also, headline is a little grand here. You aren't making the headlines, Liz. Yeah, no. I mean, there is a headline at the top of the right wing watch article that maybe 10 people

clicked on. Right. This is not like, oh, I picked up the New York Times and the cover. No. It didn't have a talkie of you, Liz. Well, these people do engage in witchcraft. They do cast it didn't have a talkie of you Liz well these people do engage in witchcraft they do cast spells on people

I mean Hillary Clinton went to a witch's coven in New York not too long ago and on their own Instagram page they identify as a witch's coven it's like not a secret so she is so high. She's going to be in like a

fucking, what do you call it? One of those Lincoln Town cars or whatever. Be like, I like driving. I just like to drive down the road. You know me. I'm a driver. I'm just going to go ahead and make this YouTube video.

Have a glass of wine and three oxys. Pops of value. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. You know, I'll tell you what, you can take another finger if you give me a refill. My hand is making trails. I mean, not all the fingers, but some of it is making trails.

Used to make more. Everybody sounds like Bill Clinton when I do it. Everybody whose voice does that always sounds like Bill Clinton, no matter what I say. It's like all Bill Clinton.

She is, like her claims are as believable as the Lucky Charms. You know, oh, it's not a magic unicorn. Probably fucking

headbutted the waves with your fingers. Wow, whatever. I love my story of a bear, like a rogue barracuda jumping out of the way. Just snipping it off. Do you like to fuck? Well, the guys at Cognitive Dissonance want to help you out. It doesn't matter if you fuck yourself, someone else, or lots of someone else's. Their sponsor, adamandeve.com,

has all kinds of things to make fucking more interesting and more fun. Right now at adamandeve.com, if you type in glory at checkout, you get 50% off almost any item, a free sex swing, and free shipping.

adamandeve.com. Treat your genitals to a good time. This story is also from Right Wing Watch. How God confirmed the legitimacy of QAnon via a prophetic dream. Okay. So. Here we go. All right.

Look at this guy on the right. Guys, you don't even have to play the video. Just go to this story and look at this dude on the right. He looks computer generated made of fear. He looks like something from like a bad like late 80s West Craven horror movie. Yeah, he does. Yeah, that's exactly

it. He's answering the door for the master. It's like a whole thing. He's answering the door and like one of those crazy death balls flies behind him. Alright, here we go. So God has been speaking to me in dreams for about eight years. And I have a long history of God

making me lose my locker combination and me showing up to first period very late in my dreams. I just, I gotta read what it says on the screen right now. Alright, let's do it. Welcome to the McFiles. Then underneath the guy the McFiles. Beneath the guy, McFiles.

Hey, McFiles, get in my office! I need your badge and your gun, McFiles! You're gone rogue again, McFiles! You're gone rogue for the last time! Hey, when you go to McFiles, can you get me a double-double McFiles? Is that

like if you only fuck Irish people, you're a McFile? A McFile. Is that like if you only fuck Irish people, you're a McFile? A McFile! I love it. So underneath the bald guy talking right now, it says, Dave,

praying medic. He's the praying medic. I want the like, medicine using medic. The praying one is the one you don't want to pull in the ER. Like what if he was like, like a carpet installer and it was just like Dave, the praying carpet installer.

Like why does someone who cares what his day job is like praying medic? They're going to make us music. A lot of that guy, you know, all right, so let's hear about his dreams because everybody cares about your fucking dreams. I knew this was going to be great for you, Tom. I had a dream the other day.

Oh my God. I had a dream that I owned a pet pig and the pet pig would like come when you call to it. I was like and the pig, no shit, came running to me and like sat down and I was like, oh, I got to teach you some tricks. And it sat down. I was like, and the pig, no shit, came running to me and like sat down and I was like, oh, I got to teach you some tricks. And it sat down and I was

like, sit. And it immediately sat and I was able to pet it and like rub its belly. And it was the most adorable dream I've had in years. I had a dream that there was a magic spell where nobody remembered their dreams anymore. And I masturbated to it for an hour. Nobody cares about the things that didn't happen while you were asleep.

It must have been a dream because there's no way you masturbated for an hour. Did I say seven minutes? It must have been a dream. Revealing to me things about the future and dreams. And I've come to rely heavily on the revelation that I received from God and dreams. It's proven to be pretty... Well, it's not that or think about stuff real hard.

So you should definitely just like put a lot of credence in what your imagination does while your brain is dying a little. Darn accurate. As long as I interpret it correctly. Think about that too. Itarn accurate. As long as I interpret it correctly. Think about that too. It's accurate in a post-hoc

way. As long as I can look at it. Yeah. If I apply the truth to a series of random events, I can draw spurious connections that after the fact appear to have told me what I already knew happened. So God started speaking to you about Q in dreams

in December. I had a dream where a guy who looked just like james real person politics yeah he showed up in this dream and he was asking me questions and he was straightening out my understanding of things from the past that was how he started out we were sitting in a room talking and... Yeah, I'm bored already. Oh my God! I'm bored too. He's having a dream where he's having a conversation with somebody.

Oh, I had a dream called my dinner with Andre. And nobody cared. My dinner with Andre is the worst. He was asking me about my perception of the past and of events. And I had all kinds of wrong understandings of what things were like in the past. He was... This guy's credulously nodding his head like people care about this. I'm just listening to this.

I'm like, you have the wrong understanding about everything happening always. Yeah. You don't have to qualify with in the past. Yeah, you'll continue having it into the future. This motherfucking guy could get a time machine, move a fucking million years in the past. Yeah, you'll continue having it into the future. This motherfucking guy could get a time machine, move a fucking million years in both directions. He would get everything wrong always. He's correcting my wrong understanding.

Then we got up and we started walking. And he was asking me questions like, you remember this person and you remember that person. And you recall this event. How are those two people related to this event? And then he went on. Do you remember this person and that person and this event? Who fucking cares?

Holy shit. I'm with Tom now. Okay. How are they related? Why is that relevant? And as he was talking to me, I was like, dang, he sounds just like you. At that point, I was like, I had heard this over and over again. Why is this relevant?

Who are these people? How is this connected? Right? So at the end of the dream, this guy turned to me and he said, do you understand that this is primarily about the children? That was the end of the dream. Wow. That's the problem with just like

having no system for how you come to know other things are real. If you're just like, well, I don't know. I mean, like, it's all relative, right? We talked about this before. It makes me nuts. that's the ultimate, and that's what, like, we talked about this before, like, makes me nuts. It's like, that's the ultimate postmodern shit where it's like,

where truth isn't fixed, where it's all relative to an interpretive understanding. Like, that is an ultimately postmodern concept. And these same guys that push back against postmodern, postmodernism in the liberal arts

and things, yeah. In the liberal arts and things. In the liberal arts, in the intellectual sense where it's rigorous and difficult and they don't get it, they'll push back against that. But when it comes to using the worst, cheapest, dumbest parts of postmodernism, they're like, that's my system. That's how I get to it. It's funny because if you look at how they come about understanding whether or not, you know, where they get all this stuff from Q, where Q gets all that stuff is from the Podesta

emails, right? And the Podesta emails, there's nothing in those. We talked about this. We looked at some of those emails. There's nothing in them. And the reason why there's nothing in them is because they're banal garbage emails back and forth. And I know that there are people, and again, I got into an argument on Twitter about this where someone was like, yeah, but it could happen. Like it could be that someone's using

code. And I'm like, yeah, absolutely. It could be that someone's using code. Prove to me they're using code and not actually talking about a case of hot dogs. Like prove to me that, I mean, just because somebody on the internet made it up doesn't mean that they are using that particular code. Prove to me that they use that code. Show to me that they somehow use that code other than, well, it's code, so therefore it is. Well, you know, anything could be a code. You could say orange is a code for something. Well, if that's the case, every time you use orange, are you using it in the context of that code? That's the problem. It's like redefining your terms

so that one thing now just means a different thing gives you ultimate control over the narrative. So whatever you wanted the narrative to be, you just change it. You literally rewrite it by taking words and making them

into other words. You're turning it into a, like it's an oval teen decoder. Yeah. That you get to write the code for and, and constantly change it or add to it. Like I see it, like I listen to shit.

I feel like a fucking crazy person. It's like, this is not even as interesting as the man cow, black helicopter bullshit. Yeah. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Like that stuff was like, Oh, that's a silly fantasy world. It doesn't really exist, but man, like this is, this is the worst. This kind of shit is just the worst.

Cause it's like, it's so stupid and unprecocious child could do it. And it's funny because a couple, a couple people even sent us messages after we talked about it, when we initially talked about it and said, look, those terms that they keep on saying are used as like sexual terms

and pedophile terms are not even real. Like that was like made up by trolls to troll people. That's not like on the FBI's list. It's not a thing that anybody does. It's made up by people that are already trolls.

So it's like trolls trolling other trolls. And then those people go out and troll the... It's like a practical joke that nobody caught at the beginning. Yes, right. Everybody is lying to you when you're stupid. Yeah. Right? That's just true. If you're a stupid person

that just goes online and cannot figure out how to decide what's true or not true, everybody wants to lie to you because it's fucking funny. that's why they do it they do it because it's fucking funny or nobody is trying to help you or it makes some money right i mean like in the cases of a lot of these people they have shows now based on this thing right they have shows that make money based on this thing so they're gonna lie to you for that. Just to keep you there. Right. Donald Trump often appears on Fox, which is ironic because a Fox often appears on Donald Trump's head. So stories from New York Times. Anonymous op-ed in New York Times causes a stir

online and in the White House. So this is in reference to an op-ed. Now, I do want to point out that the New York Times very rarely publishes anonymous op-eds. They frown even more heavily on publishing anonymous sources for journalistic material. For editorials, they have done it in the past a handful of times, specifically about an immigrant one time who wrote an article about what their experience as an immigrant was like and the abuses they suffered. They were concerned about exposing themselves.

There was another one I can't recall. These are years and years apart, though. Like, the New York Times does not allow this, typically. They did allow this. They said they verified this as a senior White House official

that wrote an op-ed in the New York Times basically saying, look, the Trump administration has done some good things, but purely by accident. And for the most part, people in the White House at a senior level are engaged in an active resistance program to stifle the worst, most abusive, impetuous, foolhardy impulses of our current president. There's a book coming out by Bob Woodward, which sounds very, very similar, which details top aides taking papers off his desk so he doesn't read them and make decisions on those documents. Like they're hiding decisions from him so he can't make the wrong one. And they're hiding information from him because they don't believe he can be trusted to have it. He called, didn't he call someone?

He called up like one of the armed services division trying to see if they can maybe like assassinate assad he he is fucking crazy and they're just like no we can't do that people coming out of general mattis coming out of a briefing um and conversations exasperatedly says he has the understanding of a fifth or sixth grader. Like, all of this stuff. He also, but Mathis also rolled, like, allegedly rolled all that back. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, like, let me see if it's in there.

Let me just call the tweet. Oh, okay, yeah. All right, so this is worth reading out loud. So, in the book published by Woodward, Woodward claims that General Mathis had some pretty aggressive shit to say, saying that the president had an understanding of a fifth or sixth grader. Mattis's comment, this is his statement, quote,

the contemptuous words about the president attributed to me in Woodward's book were never uttered by me or in my presence. While I generally enjoy reading fiction, this is a uniquely Washington brand of literature, and his anonymous sources do not lend credibility. While responsibility policymaking in the real world is inherently messy, it is also essential that we challenge every assumption to find the best option. I embrace such debate and the open competition of ideas. robust discussions and deliberations have yielded significant results, including the near annihilation of the ISIS caliphate, unprecedented burden sharing by our NATO allies, the repatriation of U.S. service member remains from North Korea, and the improved readiness of our armed forces. Our defense policies have also enjoyed overwhelming bipartisan support in

Congress. In serving in this administration, the idea that I would show contempt for the elected commander-in-chief, President Trump, or tolerate disrespect to the office of the president from within our Department of Defense is a product of someone's rich imagination. And there's another one by White House Chief of Staff. John Kelly's statement. The idea I ever called the president an idiot is not true. In fact, it's exactly the opposite. As I stated back in May and still firmly stand behind, quote, I spend more time with the president than anyone else

and we have an incredibly candid and strong relationship. He always knows where I stand and I both know that his story, that this story is total BS. I'm committed to the president, his agenda and our country. This is another pathetic attempt

to smear people close to President Trump and distract from the administration's many successes. So two people came out and said that the Woodward stuff is not true. Woodward claims he has tapes of the president saying a bunch of stuff. So he says, like, he recorded this shit. He's like, fuck you, I got recordings. So I know the president is pushing back a little,

but he can't push back too much on himself. I don't know if Woodward got recordings of the other people, but he definitely, like there's been word that he has recordings of the president. Do you think he's going to release them? If he doesn't release them, he doesn't have, you know,

then they may as well not exist. Right. Right. Well, you can play him for a, you can play him for like a third independent series of journalists, but like, why not play him for the people?

I don't know. You know? Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I think, I think he's waiting for the president to push back on the things that he said about the president.

And I don't know that there's been a ton of that. There has been some on his Twitter feed, but not a ton of it. But yeah, Woodward's book's coming out, and so is and then this op-ed piece comes out that, like you said, basically outlines the same thing, this resistance movement, this resistance movement from within the White House.

This person is saying that we basically are, they're not sabotaging the presidency, they're just sabotaging the worst moments that could, the things that could be very bad about what happens in this presidency. And I'm curious, where do you stand on the person who wrote this? What do you feel about this? How do you feel about somebody who wrote this? What do you feel about this? How do you feel about somebody who wrote this? Wrote the op-ed? If it's true, I think it's great. If it's true, people need to know that this is a no confidence moment ahead of the midterm. I think that's essential to know that if the person that is in charge is so deeply untrustworthy. Because that's what this boils down to in my mind, right? It's not that he makes bad decisions.

It's that we don't trust him. Yeah. If, you know, like, I disliked almost everything W ever did. I was appalled by that man. But I never thought he shouldn't be making decisions. I just thought his decisions were wrong. He's going to make the wrong ones. Right?

But when you don't even trust somebody to make a decision because they're so fickle and emotional and they're so, which is so funny, right? Because like we, like there's all those people like,

you can't have a woman president. Her vagina will make her lack of a penis more visible or like whatever they were saying. Badge up the joint. Yeah, right. So, but like all that nonsense. But like when you, if this is true, if the people closest to them that are like,

yeah, we got to serve this president. And they're like, fuck, we got to protect the country from this guy. That's something people need to know. Yeah. I think that they need to know it. But at the same time, I feel like there's part of me that's like, I always presume someone's lying to me, right? Like, I always presume that.

Yeah. And this to me feels like somebody in his administration wants to have a job after this is all over. somebody in his administration wants to have a job after this is all over. And so they're, they're, they're making it seem like they're the competent one in the room when maybe they were going along with it all along. And, you know,

like there was a couple of other opinion pieces that came out after this that, that made me think a little bit. One of them was from Esquire where the guy was just like, fucking quit, man. You fucking coward. Like you're a from Esquire where the guy was just like, fucking quit, man. You fucking coward. Like, you're a coward. You're behind the scenes,

but you're not, you don't stand up to this guy publicly and let everybody know what kind of an awful person you are. And you're supposed to be a senior administrator. Like, think how much weight your message could carry. But instead, you're just like,

yeah, I'm going to hide behind all that and say nothing, and say what, you know, like write this stuff out. And the other you're just like, yeah, I'm going to hide behind all that and say nothing and say what, you know, like write this stuff out. And the other thing I was thinking too is, I wonder, it makes sense. And I know this is conspiracy theorist, I guess, but like, part of me wonders if Pence wrote this. I've read that. I've heard. The reason why I think, I think this, and I don't know that I've read anybody else's analysis on why they think Pence read it. I think I did see someone today said that the language sounds like something Pence would make. And the other thing that Pence would, there's a part of this where they talk about ethics and finding your, in sort of a way, like there's a throwaway comment in there to God.

But it's not to God. It doesn't say God, but it makes it seem like he's saying, like, some of us in this office have a grounding in morality that he doesn't have when they're talking about him being immoral. And so there's a, you know, that grounding in morality

sort of alludes to religion in some ways. But I wonder, you know, there's part of me that wonders if he can see the writing on the wall, because we're seeing all these stories about the blue wave. There's going to be supposedly a blue wave that's coming. And there's a possibility that Trump, you know, maybe gets impeached, especially how the Mueller investigation goes. And, you know, as people flip more and more, there's a possibility that he could get impeached. As people flip more and more, there's a possibility that he could get impeached.

So if he gets impeached, the guy who takes over for him is going to be Pence. And if he can paint himself for the next couple of years as a guy who's not nearly as crazy, as a guy whose administration he was thwarting from the inside, he could win a lot of those middle-of-the-road voters by saying, oh, well, we always had this... So at what point would he need to come out as the guy? I think after everything's over, he would say, okay, you can let people know

it was me. I think after all this is after things... Because it's the safest way for him to condemn a presidency that he then want that he want. Yeah. And to take credit and to that, he then wants to take over and say,

he's going in a different direction. This would be the safest. This would be the safest way to create that distance to create that distance. But then if there is no distance that needs to be created, he's still safe. He's still safe there. Yeah.

So it's a, it's a real cover your ass sort of memo that makes but I'm always thinking that they're scheming against me I'm like a fucking paranoid idiot I'm not as bad as a QAnon guy but I think

it's not that I think there's any merit to that I'm just saying there's a possibility I don't know who it is I'm not making any claims to know who it is. I know you're not saying it is Pence. You're just saying that if it is Pence, that is a logical angle. It makes sense that it could be if it is Pence. It could be witchcraft.

It could be Clintonian witchcraft. Some people said that they questioned a couple of people on the Hill about it, and people have said no. But of course the person's going to say no while Trump is still in power. I think that the real play is you see what happens after everything, where the chips fall. But supposedly he's been in an absolute rampage over this. For the past

couple days, he's calling it treasonous, and he's posting to the, yeah, he's saying it's treasonous. I know, but it's like it's not fucking treasonous. It doesn't even know what that word means. But like, it makes me crazy, but like, it just,

he's a stupid man. Yeah. He's just not a smart person. What, what, what strikes me though is like with the op-ed, with the Woodward book and with the fire and fury book, they all have problems,

right? They all have problems, but they all have the same threads that run through the same stuff. It's the same story. It's the same story, man. It's the same narrative. Like, we read Fire and Fury. You read Fire and Fury. Like, I read several articles about the upcoming Woodward book that make it sound very, very, very, very similar.

Yeah. In terms of, like, what is actually going on inside the White House. Yeah. And it is, like, you combine that with the fact that our president has unilateral nuclear strike capability authority. He does not have to get authority from Congress. He does not have to get authority from his generals. That is a... Well, it's because you have to send that shit right away.

That is a unilateral power that the president has. Yeah. And this guy is fucking off his rocker. That is a unilateral power that the president has. And this guy is fucking off his rocker. That is a scary thing. I'm Raymond Massey, and I have a special message for senior citizens. Today's doctors, drugs, and

medical devices truly work medical miracles for young and old alike. But there are some as phony as a $3 bill. Investigate before you invest in health services or products. Help stamp out quackery. This story comes from bluebird.com. Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop pays $145,000 over Jade vaginal egg claims. Vaginal egg claims. So if you guys will recall on the goop website, they said,

Hey, stick this egg up your twat. Now you could, there were three different twat egg options. There was a Jade egg. There was a Rose quartz egg. And then there was an inner judge, which I want to talk about inner judge flower essence blend.

Who wants to stick anything judgy near their genitals? I don't know. I'd probably fuck a gavel. Cavanaugh's not getting fucked. You take inner judge, it's like you can insert the egg up there and just hear it's like

it's a little dry up here. You should douche more often. I think you're a little dry up here. You should douche more often. Yeah. I think you're a little off balance, if you know what I mean. We're out of eggs. Inner judge. There's just one egg left.

There's just one. And you got to over posit it somewhere. That'd be like a Judge Judy brand brand of condoms just like her judge it's just a frowning fucking disappointing old lady face on the head of your cock what that's just normal um the uh the the good thing is, is that there's some sort of action against this company, right? Like this is a good news. Drop in a bucket.

Yeah, it's a drop in the bucket. Admittedly a drop in the bucket, but it's at least good news that there's something being done, right? And they've taken steps recently to like not make as much, supposedly not make as many claims and hire a person

who's sort of supposed to rein them in a little and make their, so they're, they're stepping in the right direction and not being as wooey and as crazy as they used to be.

Now they just sell vibrators that hang around your neck for $500. It's a sneaky vibrator. It's not a sneaky vibrator. It looks like you have a, you have a gold dick around your neck.

Like it literally doesn't look like, it doesn't look like anything but a gold dick. It looks like a gold dick. Why does it got to be veiny like that? That's weird. What is it? Why does it squirt? What is coming out of the end there? You want answers? I think I'm entitled.

You want answers. I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. I love this. This is from The Guardian. There's a video. We're going to play it. This is Mark Rubio and Alex Jones. Get into it a little bit. Yeah. Let me play the video. Okay. So let me describe the scene. There's a gaggle of reporters outside of a Senate congressional hearing on Twitter. They brought in Jack, the CEO of Twitter. You can tweet at him, at Jack.

He is the guy who they brought into question and talk about what they, there was a lot of different things that they were talking about, but one of the main things that they were talking about was other people influencing our elections based on what they find on Twitter and sharing fake stories.

And also there was something to be said about deep platforming. You know, they talked about who, who should, who should have access to their, um, to their platform as a speaker. Like who should we,

who should we allow? Uh, Rubio is standing outside of the hearing and, uh, he's talking about what he just had to ask the questions he had to ask, et cetera, to a gaggle of reporters. There's got to be five, six different reporters

with microphones in his face. And Alex Jones just muscles his way up to the front of the thing and just starts asking Rubio really loud questions. He bullies him like a grade school bully. Like, this is seriously, this is just like a ninth grader. Yeah.

Just yelling mean things at you while you're trying to like give your science fair presentation. Yeah. It's your it's your that you're in front of class for speech.

Right. And they allow one heckler. Yeah. It's like you're saying like um okay and the solar system and there's like that bully who's like

the sun is up your ass. Tell him about Uranus. Like it's that juvenile. Yeah, it's terrible. But I do want to say, like, listen for how many times Alex Jones gets to name

the name of his website. Of his failing website. Yeah. Yeah. And he just called Rubio a snake. I'll play the beginning again one more time. Do they need to be regulated? Mark a Rubio the snake.

Little frat boy here. He's laughing at him like he's like, Dirty, dirty, dirty. Dirty, dirty, dirty. Dirty, dirty, dirty. How fucking juvenile is that? It's amazing.

Literally calling him names. God, when was the last time you hearty-dortied somebody? Like, seriously, like, I think possibly seventh grade was the last time I thought I should hearty-dorty this person. When somebody laughs at me, like, I don't consider it the height of witty retort. Yeah. To be like, I don't consider it the height of witty retort to be like, like, I couldn't think of anything funny to say.

I just made sound at you. Such a clown. Who are you? I swear to God, I'm a war man. Tens of millions of views. Better than the Russian land, Bob. What's awesome is Rubio just rolled his eyes when they said InfoWars. He just rolled his eyes at him. It's amazing.

InfoWars is playing this joke over here. That's why the deplatforming didn't work. So, what happened in the video is he reaches out and touches. He doesn't do anything violent, but he pats Rubio on the side to say, that's what happened with the deplatforming,

and he just tapped him. The security guard, you can't hear it, but the security guard basically was like, don't put your fucking hands on the guy. Here's the question. Don't touch me again, man. I'm asking you not to touch me. I'm just mad at you nicely. I know, but I don't want to be touched. I don't know who you are. It's not just going to take my First Amendment. I'm going to get arrested, man. It's not just going to take my First Amendment. I'm going to take care of myself. Oh, he'll beat me up. I didn't say that. I know I am, but he's so mad. You're not going to silence me. You're not going to silence America.

But there are people. You are literally like a little gangster thug. There are people in this country. Rubio just threatened to physically take care of me. Look at him. He's controlling the, like, how he can, how Alex Jones can walk in and just control not only a senator in the United States, but a fucking entire gaggle of reporters. Yeah.

He has this. I want to say like, this is a master class in using the media system to promote his brand. Yeah, that's exactly all that he's doing right now. Like, and it's amazing. He doesn't have to believe any of this.

And like Rubio has no answer. Yeah. Like, Rubio has no answer for Alex Jones at all, because he's in an impossible position. He's got this yelling goofball buffoon who, if he doesn't engage, will just yell over the top of him, because he has

no constraints around being polite or having real discourse or being a gentleman. None of that matters to him. So Rubio can't take the high ground. He can't ignore him and he can't get in there and swing with him. And he can't have his people escort him away because that's taking

his free speech away. He is backed into a corner that he literally can't get out of. He's stuck in this position that he has to deal with Alex Jones, but there's he has to deal with Alex Jones, but there's no way to deal with Alex Jones. Right, because Alex Jones has created this beautiful checkmate for Rubio.

Yeah, I mean, absolutely. This is absolutely checkmate. This is checkmate. And you could see him just walk right up, and Rubio's kind of trying to laugh it off. But Rubio can't laugh it off because now he's being physical with him, and he's like, don't touch me.

You can't put your hands on me. But like he spins that. Yeah, he even spins that comment. Uh-huh. He spins that, changes it to Mike Rubio is going to beat me up. He threatened to beat me up in the very moment that it happens. Yeah. He changes the narrative

in front of our eyes. I admittedly though, I don't think that Rubio should have said, I'll take care of it myself. I think that was a mistake. I think that was a very bad misplay on Rubio's part. I agree with you. That was a stupid thing to say. He's got a he's literally got a security guard behind him. That's not your job to take care of anybody.

Like, yeah, you're a senator. There's a guy, the Secret Service is right behind you. He will not put his hand on you again. Right. That's not going to happen. So just ignore it. Just be like, don't, you know, you can say don't touch him. But like, but he's hot. He's mad. He's hot about it. He's mad. And the thing is like, I want to give points where they're due. I just think Rubio

handles this better than I would have. Yeah. I am not, I want to tell you, I agree. I agree. I could not have done this better. I would not have done, yeah. I know how I would have handled this. You're right. It would not have been better. No, I think, I think if he would have done that to me, I don't know, I don't know how I would have handled it, but there's this, there's a, there's an idea that it would not have been better. No, I think if he would have done that to me, I don't know how I would have handled it, but there's an idea that it would be,

half of me is walking away and not even engaging the reporters anymore. The other half is me and him on the ground. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know how else I could have handled it. And that's the beauty is like, Alex Jones is so good at getting your blood up yeah and making it look

like his is but retaining control i want to give credit where it's due he's good at it yeah because like as soon as you get somebody's blood up they're stupid yeah it's true it's true if if if i get your blood up and i don't get my blood up very, that's not going to go well for you. Yeah, you're going to do this stupid thing. And I know that as soon as my blood gets up, I'm a nightmare. I'm a piece of shit. My brain doesn't work.

I'm just all kinds of shitty. As soon as my hands get shaky, it all turns off. Yeah. The blood has stopped doing the things it needs to do with the brain and started powering other things. Yeah. It's like other systems are with the brain. Right. It started powering other things. Yeah.

It's like other systems are engaged. Exactly. Right. Yeah. There are people who feel they're being, they are being silenced. He tells you China's the problem, which it is, but they're taking our free speech right now. So she's, somebody's trying to ask him a question. Right.

And they can't because he, again, he's still, he's still talking. And the, and the part of this is, is that, you know, the guardian is there recording this and the guardian is there putting this, this, this tape out there. He's standing right in front of the guardian. Right. So the person who's recording it for the guardian, if the, if, if I'm presuming that this is the guardian's video, right. They he's, he's basically controlling the narrative for whoever reads the guardian,

because I can't understand what the woman's saying. All I can understand is what Alex Jones is. This whole conversation is now Alex Jones. Media platforms, Facebook, Twitter, do you believe that these platforms need to be regulated like a public utility, and how do you go about doing this?

Well, I prefer not to. I prefer competition take care of that. But obviously, we're going to watch closely to make sure that these tools that are being used, I mean, one thing is to say I prefer competition to take care of that. But obviously we're gonna watch closely to make sure that these tools that are being used, I mean, one thing is to say we're gonna go after foreign interference designed to so and so. But it's already going on here. Another thing is to say we're gonna go after free speech. The Democrats are raping the Republicans.

Because at some point someone has to make a determination. The Democrats are raping Infowars. What's the difference between, you know- Yeah, he did, he dropped it, yeah. Misinformation from abroad and differences of opinion within the United States. Yeah, and that's happening here. It's a very fine line and not something we need to be careful about. We don't overreach in that direction. But then he doesn't know about Infowars being banned.

Again, again, yeah. Talk about the top news story in the country. Not just how they apply that within the United States. Infowars.com. But they don't become agents of authoritarian regimes abroad to crack down on free speech because- I wonder why Rubio got so mad at me and threatened me physically. There's a balance between what is free speech and what people disagree on.

Poor Rubio. I'm sorry. I got to go to the committee. You guys can talk to this clown. Oh, yeah. Look at this little frat boy. So cool. Go back to your bathhouse.

Compromise at the bathhouses. There goes Rubio, a little punk. Anyways, you you gotta love people now he tries to hold a press conference himself and it's funny because like

this party fails he stands where Rubio was standing and now he's gonna try to talk to the reporters and they just walk away and the reporters

are just like we're not we're shutting this down this is this is the last 10 seconds of this they're gonna do that there goes Rubio

a little punk anyways you gotta love people that come from authoritarian regimes and then they don't 10 seconds of this, they're going to do that. There goes Rubio, a little punk. Anyways, you've got to love people that come from authoritarian regimes, and then they don't even appreciate America. They're just like, there's no press conference now that the important people are gone.

You've got to move because the cameras, you've got to step to the side. They basically just get out of here, go away. You're right. I think he's going to get a ton of publicity for this. And he's getting it. He's getting it on all these different channels. And Rubio, there's nothing he could do that would save him in this. There's nothing. You're right. No, he just got

owned. He just got owned. It's a fucking masterclass. I think a lot of people would have got owned there. I think how do you fix that, though? How do you not allow Alex Jones to come up and do that sort of thing? I do think you got to just move him along. Get your security people to move him along. Because then his whole thing is like his free speech

argument, but he's had that argument a million times and nobody really cares about his free speech argument except for the people that care already about his free speech argument. You just move him along. I'm sorry you're not a journalist. This is for journalists. That's how I would handle it. Be like, where's your

press credentials? I had heard that he had gotten some, this is for journalists. Yeah. That's what I, that's how I would handle it. Be like, where's your press credentials? You know, and I, I, I had heard that he had gotten some, so I don't know if he has some for the white house or not, or for Congress. So I don't know.

I don't know either. But if he didn't, I mean, like I'm not taking questions right now. You can wait your turn. Yeah. I will take your question when I call on your question. If you can't like,

I think that's the only way is to force decorum. Yeah. To Sarah Huckabee Sanderson. Yeah, right. Yeah. Basically tell him, no, I'm going to... Control the structure

of the narrative if you can't control the narrative itself, right? Build a structure. He looks like a fool for overriding the topic. Yeah, because he doesn't understand how the structure works.

And then he's the guy yelling in the museum. Right. And then if he won't do that, then I would, you know, you could turn to the rest of the reporters and say, if you guys would like, I'd be happy to have this conversation in a place where civil discourse

is appreciated. Yeah. And you guys have my number. And then you go and have that conversation separately. Yeah. But I don't know that I could have done that. It's tough in the moment. It's tough because you're being asked a question and then he just runs up and...

That level of aggressive aggressive overt disrespect would absolutely fire me up yeah yeah it would fire me up yeah and then my brain would stop working and i would just be like we gotta fight now yeah i just know it yeah you know i'm no better i'm worse i know and i i'm not and i would not say i i agree with you i'm the same way i'm the same way i'm just i would be upset by someone doing that to me too. You know, hecklers suck. Yeah.

You know, hecklers suck. So, but, but Alex Jones makes a great heckler. So we'd like to thank our patrons. Of course, we'd like to thank all our patrons, but I think our most recent patrons,

which we will do next time. They didn't get, they didn't get updated on the notes. So sorry about that. We are not forgetting about you. Next time we will get you. So in two weeks, listen for your name. We want to thank everybody who donates to the show. Thank you so much for your generous donations.

I want to cover a little bit of email. We get a bunch of requests to be on other shows. We got several this week. And sometimes the shows will have no episodes or all episode or a couple episodes, and they ask us to come on the show. We're more than happy

to join people on their show. We do fulfill a lot of interview requests all the time. But one of the things that we decided to do, we had an institute this policy after we had gotten burned by someone who had a podcast that they only had a couple episodes for.

And they asked us to read sort of an advertisement for their podcast. And we did. And then they were kind of shitty about us reading it because I guess we didn't read it right. And then they shut the podcast down the very next week. So what we decided to do then was we were like, we we're dedicated to this hobby. We do this hobby all

the time. If you're dedicated to this hobby, we'll know you're dedicated after you've done it for a year or so. So if you've done it for a year and you've logged, you know, 50 episodes or so, and you're, you know, you're, you're dedicated to the hobby, let us know, give us a message and we're happy to come on. But, but if people are just starting out, um, we want to, we want to make sure that you're just as dedicated as we are before we go on the show.

Right. We got a message from Sophia and Sophia sent us an image and, um, these are American style, Japan, uh, mannequins in Japan. It says from a,

I funny.com image. Now, these are not... This is... One of the images is of Gary. It's just he's in a different pose. And there's a family of mannequins that look very similar to Gary with all their mouths open. But we've seen many of these before, but we'll post it on this week's show notes

just so you can see what the other mannequins look like. We got Gary in an auction, a single auction a a single auction, a long time ago, but we know that Gary has other mannequins that look like him, which are just as terrifying. The little girl one is scary as shit.

Tom, we got a message. This one's from Jason. He wants to talk to us about how he thinks that felons should maybe vote while they're in prison. He says, why should you lose your right for representation if you're a felon? Granted, they may not be good people if guilty, but why would we want people put in jail? And then unable to speak on the rules to put them there. Marijuana charge?

Oh, look, marijuana legalization is on the ballot. Sorry, you can't vote on it. Enjoy more prison time. Kind of removes the ability to speak to your government on whatever charges there may be and is absolutely taxation without representation. I think there's an interesting point that he makes, you know, like why that right? And they don't lose all of them. Yeah. You know, so why should they? I don't know. I need to think about that more. Jason, I think that's an interesting email. I appreciate it. I, yeah, I will think about, yeah. I want to talk to you about the prison episode.

One thing that we mentioned when we were talking, we were talking about Anders Breivik and a bunch of people messaged us and said, he will never get out. He's never going to get out because of the way they have their system there. They say it's 21 years, but it's not actually.

They come up every five years for parole, but they don't ever foresee him exiting prison. Oh, we got a message. This is from Matt and Matt sent us a video where he did a little mashup of the 1960 movie, the 62 movie, The Manchurian Candidate. And he

inserted a favorite president of ours. It's very funny. It's actually really funny. So check it out. It's going to put on this week's show notes. This is episode 433. We got an image. We got an image. We got an image from Aaron this week, and it's of someone putting two stickers

I think way too close to each other to make a word that is hilarious. So check it out on this week's show notes. It is 433. We also got a fucking... Can I read this? Yeah. This is a fruit cocktail eggnog pie.

Make it with Knox gelatin, gourmet fruit cocktail, your dairy's prepared eggnog, and Betty Crocker homogenized pie crust mix. You're basically making a panna cotta out of the eggnog. You're taking the gelatin. You're thickening it out. You're basically making milk

jello. And then you're putting that... That's what panna cotta is. Eggnog, milk jello with fucking fruit cocktail in it. I can't imagine... I cannot imagine eating this. What set of circumstances?

There really is. You know, there's some things where people are like, yeah, man, we ate like these bug guts or whatever. And I'm just like, that's pretty gross. Like I would fucking chow down on bug guts over this. I would consider actual cannibalism before this. I think, is there a patron goal to get you to eat this? What would be the patron goal, you think?

How much do I have to eat? Yeah. Yeah, that's the question. A bite? Yeah, a bite. Or a slice? Yeah. If you have to eat a whole slice of that, I would say if somebody were to donate $100,000 to Modest Needs, I would eat that. But that would be $100,000

they would have to donate and prove it. That makes me feel like... It makes me feel sad just to look at because all that shit from when you were a kid, like all those ugly, gross pies that all those moms used to make. I just wanted to slap all those moms when I was a kid.

They would turn up the grossest shit on those fucking potluck tables where they take bananas and put it in Jell-O or something like that and you're just like, that's disgusting. And then they're like, yeah, it's like a Jell-O mold

that I dumped a bunch of fruit in. Jell-O, people did the craziest shit with Jell-O. I used to get, I had a babysitter family that watched us and the mom would make the Jell-O

and use half the water so that it was twice as dense. You could like throw that against the wall. It was like one of those grabby hands. Building materials. It's like one of those grabby hands. Building materials. It's like one of those grabby statues.

You're not really wrong. It was like dense and like really, really, really, really chewy. Yeah. And like fucking weird tasting. And it was like the sugar-free, so it had that like bitter artificial flavor. So bad, dude. It was a nightmare. An absolute nightmare. She made it all of the

time. She's probably making it right now. You know, stop making that. You know, it's funny because, you know, you get the worst shit at potlucks and I've seen some stuff at, you know, other potlucks that I've been to, and I'm not going to say where, but

I've been to some potlucks where the stuff gets put on there. And it's like hot dogs that somebody stuffed pasta through. Or they have some nest. Stuffed pasta through? I stuck a ziti through it. Have you ever seen that? There's an image of it. No, what?

stuck a ziti through it. Have you ever seen that? There's an image of it. What? What the fuck is that? Why would you do that? Why would you do that with your food? Why would you do that? Why would you do that with your food? Why would you do that with your food? There's no reason to ever do that with your food. It's the grossest. That looks more at the episode. That looks disgusting. I'm going to put a picture on this week's show notes. It's called Silly Spaghetti and Hot Dogs. It is so disgusting looking.

We got a message from Dan and Dan didn't want to let us know that McCain was for a fence, not a wall in 2008. And that is true. He was for a fence. I do vaguely remember that. But he was also for, you know,

like I think that he had to pick up that line of the party though. And they were anti-immigration at the time. He was also for amnesty, like we said, you know, like his position vacillated throughout his career.

We got a message from Ivan. Ivan, thank you for becoming a patron, by the way. And he asked if I did find a job after losing my other job. I did not actually lose my other job. I was saved at the last minute

by budget. Pictures of your boss. Budget. Budget saved me. Also, being someone who they can't lose because I do too much stuff is another reason why they couldn't lose me. I told you I wasn't going to fire you. So I still have my job,

although higher ed itself is in a precarious position over the next couple of years. There's no guarantees that I'll have my job in a couple of years anyway, because higher ed is in a major state of flux right now. All right, well, that's going to wrap it up for this week. We are going to leave you, like we always do, with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue.

It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment. Leo, Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques and synagogues,

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