Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 439: Schrödinger's Embassy

Episode Date: October 22, 2018

Stories from the Week   Close races: House   Senate    

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from glory hole studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring... Are you fiddling my knob, buddy? I am. I'm diddling it, bro. You tweaking my button there? Diddling it, bro.

We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. I've never had to make that noise. I've always tried. Like, I've always tried to diddle real hard to get it to make that sound, but it's never made that actual sound. I would find that a little off-putting, actually.

I'd be like, I don't know. I kind of want to make, I kind of want it to make the sound like a Vuvuzela. Like, if it's, it kind of does that already with tools, but you know what I mean? I want it to make a diggory do sound.

That's a lot of airflow. I'm just saying like, that's a lot more airflow. And there's like a lot of like hum control. It's better than the tuba sound. I get like a sad trombone sound. I don't know why. The sad tuba sound.

That would be. That's the sound every. I don't know why. The sad tube of the That would be That's the sound every time I take off my shirt, actually. This is cognitive dissonance. It's just starting all over? What episode is it? This is episode 439. How was your trip, buddy?

Man, I got to say, we have had the opportunity, you and I, to go to a lot of different conferences now. And every one of them has been, I think, a uniformly positive experience. We've said it before. I'll say it again.

QED is just different. It's just different. If you ever have an opportunity, I know they're taking a year off. If you guys have an opportunity to go to QED in 2020, I really, I genuinely can't recommend it enough.

It is a wonderful fucking conference. Get your tickets early for sure. Yeah, I think it's awesome. There's a reason they sell that fucker out. Yeah. It's just really, really well done. Marsh and Andy, everybody's just great people.

They put on a really well organized conference. So well organized. And it's such a great, I mean, it put on a really well-organized conference. So well-organized. And it's such a great, I mean, it is such a great conference. It's awesome. Those guys know what they're doing. They can find their ass with one hand. Yeah. They even found this asshole.

They reached out with both. But still, no, I mean, it was awesome. It really was. It was a genuinely great time. Got to meet some just lovely people. Like really awesome, interesting interesting very cool people and just I can't say it enough like just the goddamn

opportunity to be able to go and get in an airplane and fly 3,000 miles from home and meet people that listen to this show yeah I didn't think this was going to be a part of my life ever you know I just really didn't like if you'd asked me three fucking years ago I'd have looked at you like to be a part of my life ever. I just really didn't. If you'd asked me three fucking years ago,

I'd have looked at you like you were made out of moon rocks. So it's just, it was an awesome show. It was an awesome time. Our listeners are just tremendous people. And I'm really grateful for the opportunity to meet them. Yeah, that's awesome. I don't understand why we have to build a ray gun to aim at a planet I never even heard of.

Don't blame me. I voted for Kodos. Go! All right. So this story is from the New York Times. Democrats surge ahead of Republicans in fundraising for key races. You know, like I it's funny because I've been reading a lot of stuff ahead of the midterms. I'm reading a lot of stuff and I am so optimistic and I don't want to be optimistic. I don't want to be. And don't want, because we're going to be live streaming the night of the election. And I am just like, I remember the last time, you know, and I still feel burned. I still feel traumatized. There's like, I've read

so much. It just on the, on the drive up here, Haley was reading to me an article about like the gubernatorial races and how, you know, the Democrats have this this edge in the gubernatorial races in states that they never had a shot at before. And particularly in some of the Rust Belt states. And I've been reading about how, you know, women are polling, particularly like women that have never polled well for the Democrats. particularly like women that have never polled well for the Democrats. The Democrats look like they've got an edge kind of everywhere.

And so what I think is going to happen is the Republicans are going to win every seat and the earth is going to collapse in on itself. Yeah, wouldn't it be hilarious? I can't be hopeful again.

There's like three left in the Senate and like six in the House. And they're just looking around like, we could just go home. We could just, I could do this from my house. I could get outvoted from home. I could not matter anywhere. In fact, I could not matter real well at home.

I do want to talk about not mattering, by the way, because it's something I excel at. But one of the things I do want to mention, though, is, because it's something I excel at. But one of the things I do want to mention, though, is I know it's a little late. The show's going to be coming out a little late. A lot of voter registration's already passed, right? But check to see if you're registered. Vote.org is a place that you can do that. Now, there's many states where you can register to vote right at the ballot box. Illinois is one of those states. I'm going to read off the other ones right now. In Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, Connecticut, Washington, D.C. I already mentioned Illinois, Wisconsin, Iowa, Minnesota, Montana, Wyoming, Colorado, Utah, California, Hawaii,

and Idaho. All you have to do is bring proof of residency to the polls and you should be able to register to vote in any of those states on demand. Basically, you walk into the ballot box. I would clearly a lot more time for this. Sure. But walk into the polling place, and you should be able to register right away. Now, there's a bunch of other states that have sort of some weird-ish rules. You can search for your rules online, but double-check to make sure you're registered before you go. What if you're an illegal alien?

How many times should you register and in which states and principalities? I think what you need to do is go to the heavy Hillary states and vote for Hillary. Now, that's what I did. Vote for her again. All my three million Mexican friends. You sent them all to California. I sent them all to states where they already carried. Can you guys go to the best places that won't win us the election?

Is that possible? We engaged in a massive amount of voter fraud, but we did it in strategically foolish ways. So we had this enormous strategy to bring in literally millions of undocumented people to show up and vote. But we thought we would do it not in key battleground states. We decided that Florida and Pennsylvania and Wisconsin

and Michigan, those were lock-ins. We were good. We were good. Hillary did enough there. What we did is we avoided all the purple states. And we just went for the straight blue ones. We wanted them to feel like they were welcome. Well, I heard that if you win more,

you get double the electoral points. That's not true, by the way. What the fuck? Yeah. I want to mention, too, that you can go

to a polling place if you think you're supposed to be registered and they cannot find you. You can ask for a provisional ballot. Make sure to get a receipt. If you do... Can you return it? If you can ask for a provisional ballot. Make sure to get a receipt. If you do...

Can you return it? If you can't, it doesn't win. I don't know. He's like standing there like, but I have a receipt! I don't know. We've been standing in line with America for the past two years. We're like super K. We're like, is there

anyone who can return this? It's slightly used. Actually, it's really used. Somebody brings it to L.L. Bean like, I heard you can return anything here. I got this Trump. I got this America. I don't want it anymore. Good. I want to mention too that if you are in a blue

state, clearly go out and vote. And I think one of the things that you should do is vote anyway even if you are in a solidly blue state that you know for sure is going to grab that particular, you know, like there's no way Danny Davis isn't winning my district, right? Like Danny Davis is my congressman. There's no way he's not winning my district. He's won his my district a fucking trillion times before.

He's solidly going to win the district again. I'm sure your congressman is very similar where you're at. Most people's congressmen are pretty much locked. A lot of these are locked in. Some of these really solidly blue ones vote anyway to show the numbers, right? You want to make sure you show the numbers.

But also, if you're a lock, go vote. But also, you know, if you have a few extra dollars, throw some money at a candidate in an area where there's a toss-up. I'm going to read off a bunch of these toss-ups. So the House, for the House, Colorado's third,

New Mexico second, Maine second, New York 19th, Illinois 12th, Florida 26th, Michigan 8th, Pennsylvania first, Minnesota first, Washington 8th, California 39th, and if you want to throw it at the Senate North Dakota, Missouri, Arizona, Nevada and Florida all have very close races

right now chances are the Democrats will not win the Senate back this time there's a very good chance of that happening in fact they might lose seats in the Senate that's just the number of people that are up and also large urban centers may be able to draw some votes,

but many big giant states, even with, you know, for many years we had a red and a blue senator. That just happens that way. Just so like, there's just enough people to put that person over the edge. And so that doesn't happen as often in red states and small red states, rural states specifically, that doesn't happen very often.

They're almost always a red and a red. So it's actually harder for us to win the Senate. It's just genuinely harder. But there's a chance we can, like the Democrats can win the House. And if you throw money at a very, you know, at a race that's close and it's tight, you can throw the money at it. And there's a possibility that there can be that can help sway somebody's vote. And that's important because, you know, this is this is part of this is about not just your congressperson, but it's about messaging. Right. So a big a big part of the midterms is a referendum on the current administration. It would be nice if everybody

voted for their congressperson and for their local elections based on the individual characteristics of their candidate, we should to some degree vote that way. But the reality is that the midterms are and have always been a reaction to the current administration. Yeah. And it is not unusual for that reaction to swing against. Right. So if you have, you know, it did for Obama. It's not unusual. Yeah, no.

He lost, like, didn't he lose both of them after his first? Yeah, because the Tea Party was energized and, yeah. We have to send the message. If you are in opposition to the current administration,

regardless of how you feel about your senator, I do think, like, at this point, this is partially about messaging. Like, hey, this shit doesn't fly. If you align yourself with these values, you'll get kicked the fuck out as soon as possible. Yeah.

And you don't have to just donate to people in your area. Like you're mentioning, you can donate outside your district. Absolutely. And I'll put links to all of this on this week's show notes. This is episode 439. Like I say, like a bunch of these are swings and they're, and these are all like what 538 would call a toss up.

So they're right now they're a toss up. I mean, they're, they're dead heat. Some of these, they're Republican leaning. So they're, you know, there's a good chance to Republican, not a good chance, but a slight chance the Republican is going to win. And if you're a Republican listening to this, you should do the exact same thing. I don't think that you, as a Republican, I don't know why you would find our

show or care to listen to it, but if you did, I don't find this. And I would say, go do the exact same thing. If you live in a solidly red area and you want to donate money to somebody who you think you should, that should win in another one that's a close toss-up, absolutely throw that money.

I don't agree with you. I think if you're a Republican and you've got a little extra money, you should burn it. Yeah. And then stay home on November the 6th. Actually, you should do. Actually, we're running a Patreon Republican rate

right now until election day. You'll get all the great content. Just become a patron. And you know, that's how you should spend your money if you're a Republican. You know what they say, fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice, strike three. Yeah, this story, I like this from the New York Times. Budget deficit jumps nearly 17% in 2018. It's crazy to me, Cecil, because I know I've mentioned before that, like, I will occasionally get into conversations with the gentleman that I work with, a very nice guy, very smart guy.

And, you know, when Obama was in charge, the concern, anytime there's a Democrat in charge, the concern is the deficit. Oh, my God, God, do something about the deficit. And then it's kind of fun because sometimes I'll say, like, yeah, really? What is the deficit? Humming, humming, humming, humming, humming, humming, humming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why does the deficit matter? Deficit means bad stuff.

And or negative. Okay. All right. So you don't know. That's okay. Probably shouldn't talk too much about it. But it is interesting how much the deficit matters until it's your guy. And then you're like, well, what about the fact that went up a 17%?

Yeah. And the reason why all of this deficit is occurring is because of the tax. Corporate tax cuts. Because of the taxes, man. Because it turns out like at the end of the day, a ledger sheet only has two fucking sides, revenue and expense. Yeah. And if you cut the amount of fucking day, a ledger sheet only has two fucking sides, revenue and expense. And if you cut the amount of fucking revenue that comes in, because the biggest fucking payers into the system, which are corporations, they should be the biggest payers in the system, just not shitting money into the system. Like, it's fucking insane.

Like, no matter what you and I do, we don't matter economically. I think it's like it's interesting because we matter the most and we matter not at all. The middle class as a whole drives the economy. Right. Because we put all of our money that we make right back into the machine. Absolutely. It churns. It's the movement in the economy.

And at the same time, we don't matter at all because we account for such a tiny percentage of the overall wealth that's generated. Like the whole middle class accounts for fucking virtually none of the actual wealth. What we account for is all the fucking movement. Yeah. And like, that's a crazy place for our economy to live in, right? Where all the movement, not all, but most of the movement of money comes from the people who do not have the fucking money. And the people who have

the fucking money, they aren't moving that money into the economy, right? In the same way. They move their money into investment vehicles that just generate more numbers. But they're not doing things

that generate jobs. They're not doing things that generate products. They're not doing things that actually stimulate the fucking economy. They save it. They invest it. They just make more numbers with their prior numbers.

Here we are in a place where corporations, which have massive amounts of money, but in comparison to anything that you or me or any of our friends all aggregated together will make, they're paying less. They're constantly paying less. They're paying less and less and less and less and less.

We take less money in. We have less money to fucking spend. We have this massive deficit, which I guess is a bad thing, right? Because it was a real bad thing. It's always a bad thing when it's the other guy. Anytime it's the other guy, right? Yeah. Right? Yeah. So, but Captain fucking Businessman's got us in this spot where all of his buddies somehow strangely got much richer.

Yeah. And we have a massive deficit, which I guess we cared about only when it was the other guy. Well, it's the same. It's the clear cut mentality that we've been talking about forever. The massive tax cuts that they're giving away to these businesses, you know, the tiny amount is going to trickle down onto your chin. Like the tiniest, tiniest amount is going to trickle down after they ejaculate all over your face. It'll trickle down onto your chest afterwards. That's what's going to happen.

It's all stuck in the hair. It is. It's just gross. It's like a cold shower. It doesn't actually get on my chest because it just stays in my beard. But you know what I mean? Like it's just, it's just, but that's, that's what they, that's what they've been doing since the beginning.

And, you know, they tricked all these people that are middle class into thinking that they're getting, you know, they're going to drink from the golden fountain, you know?

Yeah. Trump's golden shower is going to, yeah. Like, it's so funny because it's like, none of this is for you, stupid.

It's not for you. Like, I was reading something this week and it was like it was like the people who support Trump like he's one of us. Like he's he's. Fuck is he one of you. He's white. That's literally it. I know that's literally it.

That's the bar now. That's the only thing that you could feasibly say like that's like his only characteristic he shares with me that and being overweight like those are the only two things he and i share i i like i there's this sense particularly from the deep south and from the the the hard right community that like trump is like me i guess like if asshole is a characteristic that you're looking for, right? Like, well, you know, it turns out I'm also mean as a son of a bitch. Yeah, exactly. I'm also, I also don't like immigrants. I also, like, it's all the negative shit. You know, I mean, you've got a hundred million dollars and I work running a jackhammer all day.

You know, we both hate poor people i mean that's me but i don't think it's me i'm just a temporarily embarrassed wealthy person yeah i'll be out one day this jackhammer is going to hit gold abortions for all very well no abortions for anyone. Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others. This is amazing. From ABC News.

Pope compares abortion to hiring a hitman to solve problems. I'm just picturing that French guy from Leon or whatever You know Like he's just like Looking smooth as fuck

Like offering like Yeah He's got like a Like little shooter Like silencer gun That he's like Shooting the babies with But he doesn't drink milk

From a glass He has to put a nipple on it First And then drink it He like takes He takes just like Tom and Jerry Remember when he used to take the bottle of milk and slap a giant nipple on it he just sucks it down i want to read what the pope said he said he asked if it was fair to quote take out a human life to solve a problem is it fair to hire a hit

man to solve a problem it's not. We cannot take out a human being, even if it's small. Okay. Hold on. Strong disagree. He is a problem solver. I'm going to say little people mafia bosses from now on. You can't take them out if they're small.

They can just run with impunity. You get Peter Dinklage in there to run a mob? It's the best. God damn it. Little people won again. They just, they're so Damn you little people. I want to, I like,

I love the idea of like a newborn waking up in a crib next to a hobby horse head. There's like, there's like some hitman like just like trying stalking some woman's vagina like ahead hitman like just like trying stalking some woman's vagina like ahead of time like just like parked outside her vagina like watching it for three days she's like what is going on oh you know what you could do you could even hire like a car thief to do it

because they'd be really good with a coat hanger they could you know what i mean like fish it in there no problem unlock that lock and pop that sucker right out of there. It's like, this is just some woman like, like rocking back and forth and crying. I thought he was a vacuum cleaner salesman. I just. He was a cleaner.

He was a cleaner. That's for sure. He's like that guy from no country for old men with the pneumatic. Oh yeah. With the pneumatic gun yeah With the pneumatic gun He just puts it there Just takes him out like a steer The Pope is so wrong about this

This is how you know the Pope doesn't This is like one of those Moments of disconnect where it's like Yeah but you don't have kids You don't know how awful they are Like if you had kids You would be 100% for it. Yeah, you'd be like,

fucking, you want what in the middle of the night? No, yes, absolutely. Kill them now. You won't be able to kill your kids until they're 11. You would be standing outside of an abortion clinic high-fiving people. Right. Are you kidding me?

They'd walk out of Planned Parenthood and be like, put it there. High five. High five. Hiring out for wet work. I have no problems with this. He says it's because it's like we come from a throwaway culture

and want to throw away the young and the elderly, right? That's what he wants to say. And it's like, yeah, it's very similar to what we do with appliances because most of the kids are made in China too. And so it makes sense and they're

low quality they're low quality jesus christ i would never say that actually they're way higher quality i'm saying kids in general are low quality no that's yeah yeah that's except for american they're union they're lazy but what he's saying is like you know look there's this throwaway culture right we have this idea of a throwaway culture and he he he talks about this when he talks about environmentalism too and you're like okay i get i understand what you're getting at but like have you ever been to a fucking nursing home like that's a throwaway culture man those people aren't coming out of there they're not coming out of there being like i I'm fixed. They're there for all of it. That's it. That's your life now.

Enjoy the nursing home. But we had that before Roe v. Wade. It's not like Roe v. Wade changed how we dealt with old people. We've been dealing with old people the exact same way forever. We've been forgetting about them. This is a liar's argument. This is a liar's argument. Because if you want to build a culture that is not a throwaway culture, then you need to have only people in your culture that are wanted.

That doesn't include unwanted babies. These are not wanted people. These are not wanted. This is not a clump of cells. Somebody's like, well, I wanted it, but I got an abortion anyway. Fucking this is ridiculous. It's ridiculous. It's not compulsory abortions. If you want, like, and you can't, like,

I'll be blunt, like, you can't be like some super environmentalist and be like, well, we should also have unlimited population growth unchecked by our ability to resource it. I mean, come the fuck on. You're lying. And he's lying because there's problems he doesn't have to solve because he's a fucking

rich, celibate old man. That's it. That's exactly it. There are problems he doesn't have to solve because he's a fucking rich, celibate old man. That's it. That's exactly it. That's it. He has problems he's never asked to solve because. And it's also weird problems that he has to, like, find corner case weird shit to. Right. Because like you say, if you're really an environmentalist, you stop having children.

Right. That's what you do. But instead, it's like, oh, well, I am an environmentalist, but also can't say you can't have babies because the Catholic Church only makes babies. So babies it is. I got to figure out a way for my weird religion to fit into this weird stance I have to keep. I don't want to throw away culture, but I'm against contraception and abortion and I'm pro environmentalism. And also nothing I say ever makes any sense. We should probably rape some kids.

Pardon me. At some point, some kids now. Pardon me. Like at some point, I diddle a kid. At some point, like, are you just like promoting, like we don't want a contraception or abortion. We need more kids to rape.

Yeah. We will run out. If everybody just has kids they like, no one will ship any off for us to go to our little fucking rape village. Yeah, exactly. We got to go to our rape closet once in a while. All right.

This story is from the New York Times. Jamal Khashoggi's? I don't know how to pronounce that. Khashoggi? Khashoggi's? I don't know if that's Kashogi's. I don't know how to pronounce that. Kashogi? Kashogi's disappearance. I don't know if that's Kasha Ogi. I don't know how to say it. Let's just call him Jamal K.

Let's call him Jamal. Jamal K. K. K? K? K. K. Por K.

Let's call him Special K. Special K's disappearance. What we know and don't know. What? No, that's fine. He's dead now, so we can make fun of him. Isn't that how that works? Is he dead now? I don't know. We don't know. We don't know. We don't know. Here's what we don't know. What? No, that's fine. He's dead now, so we can make fun of him. Isn't that how that works? Is he dead now?

I don't know. We don't know. We don't know. Here's what we don't know. Yeah. Whether he's dead or not. Well... He's like Schrodinger's Jamal.

I feel like he's dead now. He's both... Schrodinger's Jamal. He's both in the embassy and not in the embassy, Tom. The open door. Is Jamal in there? Schrodinger's Jam embassy, Tom. The open door. Is Jamal in there? Shh. Schrodinger is Jamal, though.

That's pretty good. It's fucked up. Did they... I just got a follow-up question. Did they use a bone saw on the cat? Fucked up, dude. Yeah, so what happened is, is a guy who is a journalist

that was living in Saudi for a while and then came to the United States, was working for the Washington Post, was an editorialist, was critical of the Saudi government. The Saudi government has been sort of making strides in the more recent years to sort of look more hip, right?

They let women drive now. The kinder, gentler Saudi Arabia. They only beat people behind closed doors and only kill people in enhanced interrogations. But no, basically this guy was a critic. and he wanted to marry a woman from Turkey. And he was in Istanbul, I think? Yeah, he was in Turkey. And so he went to the consulate there, the embassy there, and he said... And they lured him.

Well, they said, you need to pick up this paperwork. And he said, okay. He had given his girlfriend... he's supposed to be married the next day, by the way. Dodge that bullet. But anyway. Poor Jamal. Actually, he didn't dodge that bullet.

If he had, he might have. He might have been happily remarried. In Schrodinger's embassy, he may have dodged that bullet. We don't know. We haven't opened the embassy yet. He's both opened the embassy yet. He's both alive and dead still. But in any case, he was supposed to be married the following day.

Super depressing. Goes inside. It's like a Russian motel, these Saudi embassies. You go in, sometimes you just don't come out. And he was, he was,

they had sent a bunch of people on a plane hours before they left from Saudi, 19 people in a private jet show up. I feel like anytime there's more than a dozen Saudis in an airplane, we should all get worried about that, right? There's never... We have a history. What about every plane that leaves from Saudi Arabia?

I feel like we should be worried about that. You know, you put 19, like, that's a joke with a punchline we all know the answer to. And it doesn't end with, like, and then everyone got popped. Yeah, the punchline ends with

a building collapses. Or two. So 19 Saudis get in an airplane. Well, fuck me. This isn't good. Also, I think you should be suspicious when they check a bone saw through

customs or whatever. Because they said that one of the things that was leaked from... I don't know why traveling... I mean, everybody travels with a bone saw. Every good person should have a bone saw. I make sure to... I saw off my own legs so I have better leg room in the plane. I just put I saw off my own legs so I have better leg room in the plane.

I just put in my carry-on. I just put in my carry-on and saw my own legs off. Every time I get on a plane, I don't know what you do with it. That would be weird. Based on the last two flights I've taken, that would be the healthiest thing you could do. Because every time I got an airplane, I get on with somebody who's got like Ebola

cancer and they're SARS coughing right behind me. An unbelievable amount of expectoration. They had said this dude was one of the stories that they were going to leak. I don't want to read. Saudi was preparing an alternative explanation of the fate of the dissident journalist on Monday, saying that he died in the consulate in Istanbul two weeks ago in an interrogation gone wrong. You don't die from people asking you questions. If that was the case, Alex Trebek wouldn't make it through one episode of Jeopardy. Like he'd be dead in the first episode.

Fucking 10 minutes into the show, you need a new Alex Trebek what is cancer what's it Alex let's say you were an interrogator and you're like alright I have a few questions and then like some time goes by and you walk out of the room like all pale and shaky

like I don't know what the fuck it wasn't my fault I wasn't sure what the fuck i was just i had it wasn't sure like you ever i wasn't sure what happened this happens to me but he exploded if you ever like you're at somebody's house or otherwise going about your business and like you pick something up and then you break something it breaks right you break it hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. It's broken then. We got it. We got it. Afterwards. You broke it.

So maybe it got broken. I picture it the same way. You're like an interrogator. You're just like, Okay. Whoa. No one was in there. Nobody was in there, but he's dead.

You're like, put him back together. That's hilarious. It would be hilarious if one of these guys walks out of the room, waving at somebody and be like, do them back together. It would be hilarious if one of these guys walks out of the room waving at somebody like, do not go in there. Do not. Do not go in there. Oh, man. Light a match.

I'll tell you a story. When I was a little kid, I broke a lot of things. He killed somebody with a bone saw. Okay, that's a different story and I'm not telling it on recorded media. I remember I was at somebody's house and they had this beautiful globe

and I broke the shit out of this globe. I think I wanted to play with it or something and it didn't work anymore. So I broke it, but I broke it in such a way that like I set the broken piece. You could mask the brokenness of it.

I put the piece precariously on the other piece, right? And then a couple of days go by, and I don't get caught. And I'm in the room, and I still remember this caught and I'm in the room and I still remember this. And I was maybe nine or 10 and like the, the dad walked by and he just walked by like his foot falls, something in the globe,

like falls and crashes and all these pieces. And he thought he broke his globe. And I'm picturing like this Jamal and like the interrogator, like breaks them and like pieces pieces him gingerly back together. And then they like slowly wheel him out to his fiance. And his head falls off. It's like he turns into Hellraiser. And like all the pieces fall off because they weren't pinned together.

He's like, and he's looking around like, well, I didn't do it. I didn't do it. You were the last one to touch them. Guy, you may be tripped and fell and dismembered himself and put himself in a suitcase. It could happen. Guys, we're joking around about this, but we don't know if he's dead or not. We know he's dead.

I am a hundred. Okay. I'll just say, whoa, I'll be willing to bet everything I'll ever make forever. He's not okay. What the thing is, is that like this sort of thing has been,

I've been, no, I don't know if this has been happening forever and like, we just didn't find out about it or if this sort of thing is just starting to more recently happen. But you know, like the people that are getting killed by the Russian government, the people that are getting, you know, there's a lot of assassinations that are starting to more recently happen, but, you know, like the people that are getting killed by the Russian government, the people that are getting, you know, there's a lot of assassinations.

There's a lot of assassinations that are starting to happen. North Korea killed the brother a couple years ago. They've assassinated... The Russians assassinated everybody. The Russians assassinated, like, every other week somebody dies on the tube because of... There's like, Lodard shoots

radioactive iodine in somebody's eye and like some weird spy plot but then like this too like this is another thing where you're just like this should be this should alarm the fuck out of us right the other thing i noticed too i i read too today is that um while all this is going down you know they're still sending us 100 billion dollar checks right so like like saw that. There's a vested interest in the United States. We're never going to do anything with Saudi Arabia. Saudi Arabia is like, they even said so. Because when it first happened, Trump tweeted some nonsense about like,

we won't stand for this and you did some evil shit to this journalist. We'll be super mad, Twitter. And then Saudi Arabia was like, we got all the oil come at us, bro. And I'm like, I'm only paraphrasing a little. Yeah. Like they basically were like,

really? Yeah. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? Walk to work? Ha ha ha. Saudi Arabia. Yeah.

And that's that. Bonesaw. Yeah. Yeah. And then, you know, a little bit of time passes and all of a sudden Trump's like, well,

I don't think it was Saudi Arabia anymore. Maybe it was was maybe they were rogue agents i think he said that at one point just like yeah rogue agents on a you know from saudi arabia that show up one of them happens to be a military guy and that guy died in a car accident one of the guys who was involved in this died in a car accident already car accident rogue agent he was He was hit by a runaway bone saw car. Yeah. Rogue agents in your embassy? I know. I know. Yeah, this is fucking Mission Impossible 4. Come on.

There's security camera footage of him going in. Yeah. And then they're like, oh, we didn't have the security cameras on at the Saudi embassy in Turkey. Yeah. Oh, really? That seems literally impossible. That seems like.

All the security experts are like. That's not. Possible. They killed that fucking guy. We don't know that yet. I know that. We don't know that. As a skeptic. I'm saying the thing is true.

And it's true. By the time this airs. They're going to be like. Holding his head up like a puppet and be like, I'm totally not dead. Look at me.

I'm getting married tomorrow. Doo-doo-doo. My name is Jamal K. And Donald Trump turned to me and said, Ted,

I've known a lot more politicians in my life than you have. Now, in that, he is surely correct. He has been supporting liberal Democratic politicians for four decades. But he said, Ted, when it comes to the Supreme Court, you've got to be prepared to compromise. You've got to be willing to cut a deal with the Democrats. cut a deal with the Democrats. Let me be very clear to every man and woman here at CPAC, I will not compromise away your religious liberty. This is so great. This is my favorite story. This is my favorite story of the week. I'd rather say that was the best thing ever. It's so good.

Oh, God. All right, all right, all right. So Ted Cruz, in an ever-blundering attempt to prove that he is actually made of people parts, was engaged in a debate with Bento Box or whatever his fucking name is. Beto O'Rourke. The guy who's not going to win. Yeah. I mean, I don't think he is. Maybe. I don't know.

I think he's behind pretty far at this point. And they threw this total fucking softball question to him, right? And the softball question was like, what have you done that's not politician? Name something you've done that doesn't involve politics in the past year. And Cruz, it's like he did not pre-program the answer to what do humans do into his system. This is so Ted Cruz for human president. He's just like he has this moment.

I have been politicizing since I have gone to your district of Columbia. He can't stop. He's like, I do not do anything but eat and drink politics Let me check with my human wife

Human wife What do we do for Fun I have been inserting my sperm tube Into her ovipositor Many times Like you humans do I too derive pleasure from

Intracourse I have also had many like you humans do. I too derive pleasure from intra-course. I have also had many yeasted malt beverages. I have been driving my internal combustion motor engine vehicle with a very large towing capacity around. When you see my teeth, that means

I am happy. I will grimace awkwardly in your direction with joy. It's more like, it's more like they asked me and you just went, how much does he look like a monster now? Oh my God.

He's growing so much into Grandpa. He looks just like Grandpa. I saw him and I was like, holy shit. He looks like... He's gonna pull up in that fucking Model T with the fucking flames and Herman Munster's gonna walk out with him. I saw him and I was like, he's

more of a Munster than he ever was. It's amazing. Seriously, he's so much of a Munster, I can only see him in black and white. He's just standing there. Once in a while, a hair covers him up as he turns black and white. He's so the worst.

He's such the worst. He's like a guy who just like, like the problem, and here's the thing, like, like a genuinely not trying to be funny, but this guy

spends his life just cultivating an image so much that he's forgotten how to be a person. Yeah. Like, he's just forgotten

like, like how to be a normal guy. Like, this is the exact opposite of what all those idiots that say like, I'd just like to have a beer with him. I just like,

he just seems like the kind of guy. All I want to do is have myself a little beer with Ted Cruz. And he and I, we're going to sit out on our back of our truck. We're going to talk like he's the least guy. He's like the least person you'd want to do that with because he's not a human being. Like he's just,

he stopped being a human being just to be this, this entity that he's created. It being. He stopped being a human being just to be this entity that he's created. It is distressing, first of all. Two things. One, it is distressing the idea that somebody could spend their entire life cultivating an image and then end up with the image of Ted Cruz.

It's like cultivating the image of an amoeba. Right. I fit in any hole. I just drip everywhere. This is what I think people want to see. When I touch my wife, she recoils. I can't even do that because I hurt my neck when I make Ted Cruz. When I do that, I'm like, oh, I pinch my own neck.

Being such a degenerate, I pinch my own neck. He does, however, make me happy that we have Trump. We could have had Ted Cruz. Can you imagine if this guy... I don't know. What's worse? I don't know. I don't think...

I think Trump is clearly the worst thing that could have happened. Than Ted Cruz? I think so, too, but goddamn. Like, can you... I mean, like, there's like a... I think Michelle Bachman is better than Trump. I think you're right. I just, like, oh, my damn. Like, can you, I mean, like there's like a, I think Michelle Bachman is better than Trump. I think you're right.

I just like, oh my God, like this is so intensely unappealing also, but just for like a whole different set of nauseating reasons. Ted Cruz though is just, he's just such the most spineless, gross thing. And like when he's talking, you're just like, you're like,

I don't know how anybody, you know, one of the things, one of the complaints you hear, and it was a complaint we had talked about it. We got it from the show, but it was a while back there. There was people in Detroit and one of the people who didn't vote, they had brought people on and didn't vote in the last election. And when the people said they weren't inspired by any candidate, right? Like that was one of the criticisms is they weren't inspired by any candidates that didn't vote for Hillary. And they, you know, they, they still don't regret their votes. They're fucking fools. But anyway, they were like, you know, they didn't, they,

they weren't inspired. You know, how could anybody look at Ted Cruz and be like, that's an inspiring human being? I don't think Ted Cruz is, I don't think Ted Cruz can look in the mirror and, and recite the Al Franken speech. I'm okay. And I'm good. I like myself or whatever the fuck that speech was. I'm good enough. I'm strong enough. I'm smart enough. Al Franken's speech. You know, when Al Franken used to do that, it was Al Franken's character, wasn't it? I don't know.

Was it? Wasn't it Al Franken who would look at himself and be like, he would be like, I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And gosh darn it, people like me. I think that was Al Franken. That is Al Franken, yeah.

Oh my God. I had no idea that was Al Franken. I mean, he's not even grabbing anybody's titties in that's titties I know he's not like pushing her titties together And getting a titty fuck real quick So anyway the softball question comes out So the softball question comes out And the best part is like Ted Cruz panics He panics and there's a moment

Of like six long seconds Six seconds of just Ted Cruz looking like Yeah he's like And the audience laughs They're like oh it's so weird Because you don't know what people do During their down time He's like sometimes

It's hard to be a dad I Hug my children units I hug my children units. I hug my offspring. I express affection. Yeah. And then we go to eat some sort of frozen custard. It did make me laugh because you said like,

it's hard for him to be gone and, you know, still be a dad and be away. And I thought like, man, as maybe it's hard for you, but like your family's so happy when you're gone., you know, still be a dad and be away. And I thought like, man, maybe it's hard for you, but like your family's so happy when you're gone. Yeah.

Like there's no world where somebody's like, oh my God, I'm so glad Ted Cruz is home. No woman has ever said that. And of all this fucking three and a half billion women in this planet, no woman under any set of circumstances, like you could be trapped in a well. I got to say, though, I would love to have drinks with his wife because she's got to be thirsty. She has just got to be thirsty. China has total respect for Donald Trump and for Donald Trump's

very, very large brain. This is from the New York Times. Trump calls Stormy Daniels horseface in gloating Twitter post. Here's what he said. This is our president. Trump. Federal judge throws out Stormy Daniels lawsuit versus Trump. Trump is entitled to full legal fees at Fox News. Great. Now I can go after horseface and her third rate lawyer in the great state of Texas.

She will confirm the letter she signed. She knows nothing about me. A total con. I did, however, pay her $130,000. So probably not for nothing. Anyway, not for nothing. Anyway, she knows nothing about me. Look, not at this at all. Sitting president

just attacked a private citizen on Twitter called them like a name, like a name, like horse face. Like,

I know that a lot of people didn't like Obama, right? I get it. I understand that. But could you imagine if he did anything even close? I mean, I always go back to this, right? But I can't imagine him doing anything even remotely close to this and them not...

But them flipping their shit so much. I couldn't imagine their reaction if he were to call, you know, somebody. Like if he was called Fiorina something. Like if he called her like, you know, Battleaxe or something. You know what I mean? Yeah, right.

Literally, it makes no difference at all. I actually read something that said that he workshopped this name. read something that said that he workshopped this name. As he workshops, like, remember when he called the leader of a sovereign nation Rocket Man? When he called Kim Jong-un Rocket Man? And said, like, you know, Rocket

Man, I'll, you know, destroy North Korea, etc. Like, he workshops the names among his aides. Oh, really? Yeah. They're all mentally deficient then, huh? No, his aides tell him, really? Yeah. They're all mentally deficient then, huh? No, his aides tell him don't do that. Oh.

And then he does it anyway. Oh, I see. And he thinks it's a brilliant strategy. He thinks these are good political strategic moves. And the thing is that he might be right. Because at the end of the day, like the people who are outraged by the idea that he is not presidential,

like, because this is grossly unpresidential. Like, this is, no grown person still calls other people silly schoolyard names, right? Like, Horseface and Rocketman and Doody Head and, like, whatever. This is kid stuff. But nobody who cares about this was ever going to vote for Trump. Yeah. Yeah. Right?

about this was ever going to vote for Trump. Yeah. Yeah. Right. This is like to all the Trump supporters, this sort of bottom feeding, low level scum sucking child's play bullshit is exactly what they've come to expect and what they appreciate. It's what they want.

They want this juvenile. They want somebody who's like, fuck you. Yeah. They want, they want Calvin pissing on a Democrats sticker on the back of their truck. That's what they want. Yeah.

This is don't tread on me flags and Calvin's and you know, bumper nuts and truck nuts. And yeah. Yeah. You know, it's interesting. It's a bumper nuts, bumper nuts hurt when you tap,

when you have to bump, when you have to bump and, and park like parallel park, like, and especially in Chicago, like every time you, you bump the car behind you, you have to bump and park, like parallel park, especially in Chicago, every time you bump the car behind you, you cross your legs. Terrible. My bumper nuts keep on getting... In any case... So, baby, you want to play some games with bumper nuts?

Actually, you don't want to play games with bumper nuts. They're huge. It's like punching bags. But, you know, this particular thing and then the Kavanaugh thing, you know, the misogyny at this point is just out in the open. It's just

out in the, it's just plain as day. And what the Republicans have said to the Republican women, not to the, not to other women that aren't in their party, right? To the women who aren't in their party, they were never going to vote for them anyway. They didn't care. They don't care what you have to think, right? To the women who aren't in their party, they were never going to vote for him anyway. They didn't care. They don't care what you have to think,

right? So the people who are out of their party, they don't care. But the people, the women that are in your party, in that party,

that voted for Trump, that voted on, what they said, very loud and clear, both with the Kavanaugh nomination and with this, you know, with this clear misogyny

that he's tweeting out. They said, where the fuck is my sandwich? That's what they said. They said, get, fuck is my sandwich? That's what they said. They said, get your ass back in the kitchen and make me a fucking sandwich. I didn't fucking ask you anything.

Shut the fuck up. When I tell you who you should vote for, that's who you should fucking vote for. Yeah. Vote for who the man tells you to vote for.

I'll tell you your opinion when I want you to have it. When I want you to have it. I will tell you it. And that's exactly what's happening. And, you know, for all the Republican women that put him

in power, you know, just look at how he treats women. Just look at how he treats women, and you'll know everything you need to know. He's not for you. The thing is, like, we knew this ahead of time. He treated Rosie O'Donnell. Like, he's, the man's monstrous, right? I mean,

did you see the thing he said about Dr. Ford like he was being interviewed recently and somebody said you know do you think you treated her with respect referring to when he openly mocked yeah we openly mocked openly mocked yeah and he said yeah I think we did and then the reporter like doubled

down and asked about it again and he said look none of that matters anymore we won yeah yeah so like he's it's all about down and asked about it again. And he said, look, none of that matters anymore. We won. It's all about a game. Yeah, he's come out and said, look, it doesn't matter if she was raped or not. It doesn't matter if we treat her with respect. None of that makes any difference.

All that matters at the end is the game. We won. This was our turn and we won. And at some point, I think we just have to take the man on his fucking word on this. I, you know, like at some point, I think we just have to take the man on his fucking word on this. Yeah. I, for one, will say this.

I believe Trump. Yeah. I believe him when he says nothing matters but the game. Yeah. And he says it to every, he says it to all of us over and over and over

and over and over again. Yeah. He is pragmatic to a fault. Like the truth is, is subject to his pragmatism. Yeah. Everything is subject to the pragmatism. Everything is subject to the pragmatism of winning.

At some point, it's like, what happens? What's true? What's right? What's wrong? These are the wrong set of tools, and I get stuck on them. They're the wrong set of tools to think about this administration. All that matters is, did he win? How do we stop

this guy from winning? Well, and it's interesting that you say win? How do we stop this guy from winning? Well, and it's interesting that you say that. How do you stop him from winning? Because in a lot of ways, the left has a real uphill battle because they always lose. And I'm going to tell you in a particular instance where you're definitely going to, they lose on both sides. There was a poll recently that showed that violence among protests energizes the right more than it does the left. So if there's violence at a protest, it energizes the right. The right is the one who's energized by that act. But it's not, it doesn't matter where the violence comes from. And what's happening now is like what happened in New York city recently is that there'll be an anti event and the, the people that are on the right will start the violence and

whether the violence is, if the violence is perpetrated against them, it's those damn liberals. They don't care. But if the violence is perpetrated against the liberals, they're like, good, they deserve it. Yeah. Right. There's no way to win that with like violence is just, it's just bad. The only, the only real way to win that is like what happened with the women's March, which is 3 million people, March zero arrests, right? They can, there's, they're completely flustered by that, Right. Because they don't, they don't know what to do. They'll be like, oh, well, they're super angry.

And you're like, yeah, but there was zero arrests and no damage to property. Like there are arguments out. But when there's violence, it doesn't matter where the violence comes from. Then now there's a problem. And so when you put those, those, those pieces together to allow violence to happen and violence happens, the right always wins. The right wins that exchange. And so it's difficult because the one side, I think our side does care about hypocrisy. I think the left does care about hypocrisy.

I think so, too. And I think we should, like, at some point, you got to take a page out of the book of the guy you're fighting and say, like, look, I can't win a battle where I try to change. Because we're trying to win a battle where we're trying to change people's minds and get them to vote differently. Like, I am never going to get people to vote by saying Donald Trump is a bad guy. Everybody who supports Donald Trump, they know he's a bad guy. They do. They'll come out and say it, you know, like, yeah, he's a bad guy. They do. They'll come out and say it. You know, like, yeah, he's a bad guy.

We never elected a saint. I think nobody ever said we were electing a saint. I think you're right. You're heard. I think you're right. I think I think what you have to do is that show that he has bad policies. Yes. Show that his policies are hurting you financially.

Yeah. If we're look, if if they won't do that, don't fight on principle. They won't do it before he gets reelected. Do you think he gets reelected? I think what happens in this next election is that we lose the Senate. This is my prediction, by the way. We lose the Senate. We barely gain the House. So we squeak by on the House.

I think we might get the House. Then the Democrats become disillusioned because they couldn't win the Senate. And he goes for another two years and then he gets reelected because there's not enough energy to keep pushing forward for four straight years. And so

the midterm is your only real shot. And I don't think you have enough of a shot. Look at the Tea Party won both houses. I know. And then they lost the presidency that next time around. And President Obama came in again. I don't know that you're wrong. I just hate it.

And the last time someone who didn't win the popular vote and was also elected, he also went for a second term. Yeah, it's hard to unseat the incumbent. It's hard to unseat him. For sure. I thought that the point of the church was to worship God, and the boy fucking was just incidental. No, it's just the other way around. The point of the church is the boy fucking.

All the other stuff is just busy work. Oh, yeah. Man, let's cover this one. It's from the Daily Beast. The sex abuse of deaf orphans In Pope Francis' backyard This is the fucking Worst story, so thanks

You found this while I was on vacation You're like, hey man, while you were gone I found some notes and I was like Oh, it's so nice of you to do some notes Let me read the byline underneath this, Tom I just want to read this The priests and monks created their own Six sign language to command

the deaf and mute boys to perform oral sex and be sodomized. Isn't that great? That's awesome. Isn't that great? In Northern Italy. If you were a little kid

and you were born deaf or mute, at some point your parents might have said, hey, this is expensive and costly and difficult. And so we're going to send our kid to live at the Catholic Church because the Catholic Church is kind and they'll take good care of them and we can't afford to. And so they took these kids in. It's like a boarding school, right?

Yeah. And these are the kids that literally can't scream for help. That's literally it. In fucking Catholic church, no one can hear you scream. It's like some alien spaceship. Right? In rape school, no one can hear you scream. Except for the thing that pops out is not an alien out of your chest.

It's when the guy unzips his pants. That's what pops out. So like these kids They're like they're deaf mute kids And they go and the priests Abuse these kids Like this story is a fucking nightmare This story is a fucking nightmare

Of specificity The likes of which I frankly did not need to read I was just like We could have used euphemisms like molested. I would have preferred that. I don't need this. You know what's interesting is that these priests taught them specific

sign language that no one else so they taught them a specific sign language. Secret signs. Secret signs for fellatio and for like you know, hand job and fisting or whatever. I don't know. But in any case, when they left to tell people about it. They didn't have the tools to communicate. They didn't know because they were the ones who taught them how to speak.

So they had no idea how to relate what was happening to them. They would use these signs that they were taught for these acts. And the people would look at them like, I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah. This is yeah this is this is definitionally monstrous yeah i i read this and i was like how can this organization continue to exist yeah i i i genuinely like i challenge anybody anybody like how can anyone read this again and again and again and again and again and again and again?

It never stops. It is a ceaseless parade of atrocities. And it's like, well, but we like going there on Christmas and on Easter and the songs are so nice. What the fuck do they have to do? Like, and I mean that question. Like, I know we're supposed to be funny, but like, I mean the question literally like, what does this organization have to do to lose? If teaching children how to communicate a secret sign language of sexual abuse and then taking from them the only communicative

tool that they have to tell the outside world about how they were abused. If that is not enough, if throwing kids from windows like we talked about a few weeks ago, at some point, it's like

they're the ones looking around like, what do we have to do? Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. As they're lighting the building on fire, like, what do I have to do to get you to pay attention? Yeah. And you know, it's interesting because I had a conversation with someone, I know a bunch of Catholics and I had a conversation with one recently and I said, you know, they had said, uh, you know, that this is a, there's a, there's a lot of bad things that are happening with the Catholic Church and its image recently. And I said, well, you know, it's very deserved.

The image that they have is very deserved. The things that they've done are absolutely monstrous. And I said, you know, it's very easy. And I use one of your lines, which is it's very easy to have a zero tolerance policy on sexual abuse. I said, you know, what they should be doing is saying to everyone, we're very sorry that this happened. This person has been removed from our organization, will not tolerate this kind of activity. Anybody who does it will be turned over to the authorities. The end. That's it. That's all you have to do is say that. And they said, yeah, you know,

there have been a few people defrocked. And I said, well, okay, so they've been defrocked, but have they been kicked out of the Catholic church? And they're like, they're like, um, yeah, I think so. And then I looked it up and it was like one or two people have been defrocked. They don't want to solve this problem. And I'm like, you don't want to, like, that's exactly it. Right. Like, like, you know, and, and the way they made it sound when I talked to him was like, oh, they won't ever report the defrocking. And I'm like, I went to search for it today. And the best I found was one or two. And I want to pull up a website for you now, Tom. This website is called bishopaccountability.org, right?

And so it's a database of all the priests that are known sex offenders, right? And so you can search by all kinds of different stuff, but we can also do names in alphabetical order. And so I just want to show you a couple of names. So let's go with the last name starting with A, Tom. I'm going to start scrolling. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. I'm still scrolling, guys. still scrolling guys Still scrolling You're scrolling very quickly

And I'm scrolling very quickly And now I'm through A Tom So now I'm just gonna go to a Pick a Just pick a letter Pick a letter L Let's go to L Tom

Let's see what L looks like Wow Holy shit man So this isn't a fucking isolated. I'm still scrolling, by the way. I'm still scrolling. And I'm scrolling fast, too, by the way. I don't know how many entries are on this page,

but I would say it's easily in the hundreds. I don't think that that's an exaggeration to say that there's more than 100 entries here. There's so many more. There's, oh, it says right there, 241 individuals. It says it right at the top, right? For each letter. 262

for H. 266 for G. I'm going to go to a letter you probably don't see a lot. Nine only for Y. Okay? So, I'm sure X only has one or two. None. One. Okay. W. 180 individuals. How many do you think are on this list? I mean, there's got to

be a couple thousand of people, a couple thousand of these people on this list. This is a list of priests that have been accused or convicted of. They've been sued or, you know, in some way it's been shown. Now this goes back a while, right? So some of these people are ordained in 1939. That goes back a while, right? But, you know, there's, they, they source this entire document, scroll through this document and just see if you can't hold on your lunch. It's absolutely abhorrent that this organization does this time and time and time again and gets away with it. And then you hear something.

Oh, but they've defrocked a couple of people. Yeah, well, one or two people you defrocked. Who cares? Well, like, who cares? That's not a drop in the bucket to the amount of people that are actually involved in this sort of thing. Why don't they, like, you know, like, they should be the ones, every time they find something like this,

nobody should scream louder than the church. Right. The church should be like, fuck that dude. Yeah. That dude doesn't fucking live here anymore. I want everybody to know about it. So sorry. Here's what we're going to do. Here's how we rooted him out. Here's how we found him. Here's your free ice cream. Right.

Get the fuck. Yeah. Oh, well, we quietly defrock people. Literally does not matter. And not even like, like, not a lot of them either. It's not like they defrocked 2,000 people. They defrocked all person. And he was from Argentina or something like that.

These guys need to go to prison. Until they're rotting in prison, none of it matters. They gotta go to prison. I agree. They need to go to prison and they need to be excommunicated. They need to remove this bullshit and their souls are gonna go to hell. Remove from it completely and they need to be excommunicated. Yeah, I think, you know, remove from this bullshit meant that their souls are going to go to hell. Yeah, remove from it completely

and they need to, and they need to get, go to prison. And I think that there's, and I don't think that there's an age limit on that. I don't care if you're in your, you know, diaper shitting days.

No. Enjoy your time in prison. I don't care if you're in like a medical facility in prison for the rest of your days. That's real sad. Like, very sad. What else needs to happen?

I don't know why there's like no, I don't know why we feel like, we feel like these aren't prosecutable crimes too. I feel like the United States government is to blame too, because they get moved around, these things get reported and then nothing happens based on this sort of thing for years and years and years and years, even though the church knows about it enough to move the person, right? So somebody had to know, somebody had to tell the authorities, something had to happen. The American government and other governments, this happened in Rome, but in other governments too, they're complicit in this. You know, this doesn't just fall on the church's shoulders, it falls on society's shoulders because we all have been turning a blind eye to this absolute disgusting practice that has been going on

for countless, I mean, since the church has been around, I would say. And we've been turning a blind eye to it and it's absolutely abhorrent and the government should need to stand up

to these people and the church needs to stand up to, but the problem is that there's just like, like it's just this oil boys club. It's just like how when the police do something horrible, they get away with it because other police officers won't rat on them. Same thing happens in these churches.

They just get moved around because I don't want to hurt my friend, whatever. I'll just move to another place. We can rape some other fucking kid so we can teach some other kids sign language and me fucking choke fucking them. So I want to thank our patrons. Of course, we want to thank all our patrons. We want to thank our newest patrons

and the patrons that we have neglected to mention for the past couple weeks because we had pre-recorded some shows. But we want to thank Sonia, Gus,

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Thank you very, very much. Now, recently, we're going to be trying out some YouTube and Facebook live streams. So we're going to try to do something for the next couple weeks on Thursdays. If we have time, we'll probably be doing a story or two stories for live streams on Facebook and on Facebook Live, YouTube, and on Twitter, we think. We're not sure. Maybe Twitch. We're not sure.

It's going to get restreamed out. We still have to figure out how all that works. But we got to run a couple of tests because we are doing an election night coverage. And the election night coverage is going to be starting at 8 PM Chicago time on election night. It's our great hope to have Heath Enright from many various podcasts that the puzzle and thunderstorm guys put on as well as citation needed. He is going to be in studio with us.

It will be a video live stream. We will be not only viewing things on probably viewing things on the interwebs talking about various races drinking bourbon hanging out eating good pizza and just you know chilling out and maybe making some jokes so you're going to want to join us if you're just

going to watch fucking Wolf fucking Blitzer just turn us on you're not missing anything we're going to be watching Wolf fucking no Wolf Blitzer, just turn us on instead. You're not missing anything. We're going to be watching Wolf Blitzer too. No, Wolf Blitzer is not coming out. We're not putting, no, we're doing internets. We're doing internets. That's it.

But yeah, we are absolutely going to be doing a live stream. So check us out 8 p.m. on election night as well as the next couple weeks. Keep your eyes peeled. We'll probably mention on Facebook maybe 15 or so minutes before we go live. So keep your eyes peeled probably in the evening time. The next couple of weeks, we're probably going to be doing a couple of live things on YouTube and on Facebook. We're going to get to some email that we got while we were gone.

We got a message from Tony and this is a sentiment, Tom, that was sent to us by many people. We talked about Dave Rubin and Ben Shapiro and their conversation. And Tony wanted to say, look, maybe Dave's in on this for the long con. Maybe he's basically trying to win over an Orthodox Jew and trying to convince him how human a gay person can be by being his friend and saying, look, you know, like, and eventually maybe changing his mind and maybe other people because of it. Look, if that's what he's doing, more power to him.

Yeah. I think, yeah, there comes a point where it's like, how ridiculous do we want to get in winning people over? Like, I mean, like, at what point, like, are we just like, yeah, we don't have the same values. Why do I care if I've winning people over? Like, I mean, at what point are we just like, yeah, we don't have the same values. Why do I care

if I've won you over? I know there are people that think differently, and I applaud that. I do. I have neither the interest personally nor the taste for making friends with people that don't share my values. But I get it, and I

appreciate it. I get it, too, and I also my values, but I get it. I get it. And I appreciate it. I get it too. And I also appreciate it. But I also want to say too, like, like I don't think I could overlook some things. There's some things I just can't overlook. Yeah. And there's some bridges I'm not willing to cross.

It's okay. If, if, if, if he is, I, it doesn't seem like he is. It seems a lot more like he he doesn't want to anger a business

partner to me, but I mean, I'm on the outside and only watched a four minute video. So maybe, maybe I'm, maybe I'm wrong, but I, I recognize that, you know, there are people out there who do try to kill people that think very differently, kill people with kindness who think very, very differently. I didn't want to say kill people and stop saying that word, but kill people with kindness who think very differently from them. You know, I think that, I think that that's a, that's something that, you know, you should look at and say, okay, good for you. If you have the stomach for it, great. Yeah. We got an image. Oh, this is great. And this is from Aaron and it is the inaugural photo that Justice Brett Kavanaugh took with the rest of the Supreme Court. So I want to post that on this week's show notes. This is episode 439.

So we got a question from Jim, and this is also about the Ben Shapiro, Dave Rubin, sort of conversation we played. And the question is, should a vegan not be friends with anyone who eats meat because they differ on the issue? I'm a vegetarian, but most of my friends eat meat. So am I being a hypocrite?

Tom, you had an interesting... I thought the way you responded to this when we were reading it before the show was exactly how I think you should respond to it. The question to me is, how much does this matter to you? How much does it bother you? That's the question at the end of the day. You got to ask yourself about any time

that you feel like you don't jive with somebody. How much do you care? Yeah. Is this your issue? Is this the thing that you draw a moral line on? Like if I beat bums with padlocks, we talked about before, I think you probably draw a moral line at that. So yeah, that's what you're going to care about.

I have a feeling that some people might draw this line and say, no, I can't be friends with you if you mean, and that's, and that's fine. That's where they drew their line. That's just where they decide. I don't think that there's anything wrong with somebody doing that. I said earlier, I said, if somebody came in and called my pet an asshole. OK, that's fine. I don't care.

But if they called my wife an asshole, we have a very different. It's a very different process we're going to go through. Right. Right. Like, you know, so there are some things in my life that I treasure more than others. I think everybody makes value judgments. And so you're going to have to, you're just going to have to make that value judgment. We got a message.

This is from George. And George found us through Jared at Camp Quest. And Jared was one of the people who came down to the picnic that we threw many, many, many years ago. We met Jared there. And he says he's a counselor. George says he's a counselor at Camp Quest. And he says, he just wanted to let us know one thing.

I said, and it might've been me. I said, stick your head in a bucket of cement and let it dry. Was something I or Tom had said a couple episodes ago. And he said, I thought you should know cement is a gray powdery substance which is mixed with sand,

gravel, and water to make concrete. Yeah. Also, concrete does not dry, it cures. Oh my God.

Thanks for the correction, Noah. I love this email so much. It is the most pedantic email we've gotten in forever. It is great.

Everybody knew what we meant. I'm just kidding. Thank you so much. It's so great. It's very funny. It is great. Everybody knew what we meant. I'm just kidding. Thank you so much. It's so great. It's very funny. It made me laugh out loud when I saw it.

So we got a message from Gerald and Gerald sent in an image and it just says Predator Priest. And so we want to show you what the image is.

Why don't you go check it out on episode 439. We got an image and it's just going to be called 45th President. Check it out on this week's show notes from Aaron. It's very funny.

It made me laugh out loud. We also got a message from Jocelyn and Jocelyn sent in an image that is a quote from one of the shows that we did very recently. We're going to put it on this week's show notes. Check it out. It's an image that is a quote from one of the shows that we did very recently. We're going to put it on this week's show notes. Check it out. It's an image of us with a quote and it actually made us crack up when we

finally read it. It's great. The image is so good. I got a message from Brendan and Brendan wanted to know, he said he just finished wrapping up Everyone's a Critic. Gosh, why would somebody listen to that? I have no idea. And they said they're somewhere around episode 50. And we mentioned taking the first two episodes down

because they were terrible. And I hope you didn't delete those. I actually don't know where they're at. So they may as well be deleted because I don't know where they're at at this point. I have literally no idea how to find them. Literally no idea. So they are ostensibly deleted.

We got a shout. We got on a show. Throw a shout out to Mark in North Carolina. He's in bum fucking nowhere in North Carolina. He's listening to the show. We didn't think that they had internet down there, but I guess you still have to keep on traveling down into Atlanta

to download the podcast. I'm sure it's a long commute. We got a message someone agreeing with us about the money breeding money last time. It was Kelly. Having a real rough go of it. And Kelly, we just hope the best for you. We read your story and gosh, it's just so tough to... It's just tough to be poor. It's just tough to... The deck is definitely stacked against you. Yeah. So just shout out to Kelly and your partner. I don't know. I

don't have any words to the wise, that's for sure. Like, stay white and get lucky. Yeah. Right? Like, there you go. Gosh, yeah. Maybe try being like a heterosexual white male. Yeah, see if that'll...

If you can do that. See if there's something you can do about that, Kelly. That's worked really well for me. Kelly, see what... Get on that, Kelly. Yeah, try that. So, like we say,

next week, pay attention on Thursday evening. We're going to try to do a live stream on YouTube and Facebook. It'll all happen at the same time. So keep your eyes peeled. We normally would probably start it sometime later in the evening. So sometime after probably 9 p.m. Chicago time, we might be doing something like that.

But keep your eyes open on Facebook or Twitter. That's probably where we'll announce we'll go live in a little while. So if you're interested in interacting with us and commenting or kidding around with us on Facebook or YouTube, check us out next week and in the following week. And then also pin in your calendar for election night. You know you

want to come spend it with us. You know you do. After you vote. You go vote and then come cry with us. Celebrate. All right. Celebrate. That's we hope. Celebrate.

It's either going to be a condolence bourbon or a happy bourbon. Probably a condolence bourbon. I'm bringing a suitcase. In any case. So that's it for tonight. We're going to wrap it up. But before we leave you, we're going to leave you like we always do with the skeptics creed. Credulity is not a virtue.

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