Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 444: Charcuterie Demon

Episode Date: November 26, 2018

 

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Hey guys, got around to listen to the Jordan Peterson section again, and 100% agree with y'all, you're 100% right, but I think it sounds almost like what he's keying in on is that he doesn't think we actually enforce monogamy. Like, all the things he talks about for us enforcing monogamy, we actually do. But I think he thinks that leftists are trying to push a non-monogamous sort of state.

And that's why he's harping on it, that we need to enforce it. He thinks he thinks that there's so many people in poly relationships that they're stealing all the women. That's why these guys can't get laid. Thanks, guys. Glory hole. Hey, guys. I donated to vulgarity for charity. I only donated like $50. But that's because I have a shit part time job. And that's a lot for me. But yeah, um, I don't know why I called. But

yeah, I did it. Okay. Bye. Bye. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording live from Glory hole studios in chicago this is cognitive dissonance every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way we bring critical thinking skepticism and irreverence to any topic that makes the news makes it big or makes us mad it's skeptical it's political and there is no welcome at this is episode wednesday it says on my notes this is episode wednesday cecil 444 444 is episode 444 today cecil i am proud of myself i hope you're proud of yourself today

i don't know if you realize this. This is a first for you, buddy. You get to put the 26.2 on your car because we are doing a marathon. It's not a first, man. This isn't our first marathon. No, it's not. That's for sure.

Today, we are doing some extra double plus ultra recording special. Yeah. So you guys are going to be getting all of your shows on the normal release schedule, but we guys are going to be getting all of your shows on the normal release schedule, but we are not going to be recording on a normal release schedule. So I am telling you

this because if over the course of the next three episodes, we become increasingly silly, slap happy, and incoherent. Or we don't answer your hate mail. It is very likely. We're not going to answer your shitty tweets or your hate mail for the next couple of weeks. We're not going to answer your shitty tweets or your hate mail for the next couple

of weeks. We're just going to avoid those. All right. So let's go ahead and jump right into the madness. I'm exhausted. I don't know about you. I've spent my whole morning raking so that my house won't catch on fire. So the story is from the AP. Finland's

president rakes memory. I love it. I love it, AP. I love it. It's a little snarky there, AP. For AP, that's pretty snarky. That's pretty. I would expect something from like a fake news media like CNN.

Something like CNN. Well, they're having a harder time reporting without Jim Acosta, who's back, by the way. Who's back, by the way. Yeah, welcome back, Jim. I heard, you know, it's funny. I listen to a couple podcasts, political podcasts and stuff. And one of the liberals on one of those shows

had a really great comment. And she was like, when Jim Acosta's pass got pulled, she was like, good, maybe go out there and do some real reporting then. Because just getting what the president has to say isn't real reporting anymore. It's just what he has to say.

You could send an intern in there to do that work. Because you're not like, those people are real reporters with real cred and can be digging up some really interesting shit. But instead, they're just sort of sitting in this room and they're just asking questions that aren't going to get answered anyway. Waste of fucking interns time. It is, I know. But we've got to ask the question. Because like at some point, just the refusal to answer is its own story.

Sure, but get an intern in there to do it. You know what I mean? Because like, they're not going to answer anything. They've never answered anything. They've pushed, they lie directly to the... And so it doesn't matter whether Jim Acosta or an intern is saying, but that's not true. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter who asked the hard question that nobody is saying, but that's not true. It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter who asked the hard question that nobody asked. And it's also super obvious, right? Like you have a guy who's, you know, like, like reporters who have been on the beat for 20 years that are good, solid journalists that are just saying, I mean, you don't need a super genius to go. That's just not true. Like, I mean, I can do that. I'm an idiot.

And I can look at the president and be like, that's just not true. Like you didn't say that. And so I feel like, you know, like it's a. I'm an idiot. And I can look at the president and be like, that's just not true. Like, you didn't say that. And so I feel like, you know, like, it's a good point. It's a really good point. I wonder if part of it is that, like, is that these sort of, like, hard-boiled reporters, like, they're willing to, they'd be willing to, like, stand in front of somebody like the president without being intimidated in maybe a way that, like, somebody's like, ah, my whole career rests on this, you know? Like, that might be part of the game. Maybe it might be. But it's also, you also got to think too,

is like we have sort of created a cult of personality around the president in a way that is unhealthy. Yes. And like the press conferences and stuff that we do, the sort of, and there's like the same woman said, we're treating him like a king. And we don't need to do that. We don't need to weigh on every second of his life. What we need to do is just say, okay, that's a dumb thing. Get the fuck out of here. You know,

like there's been some amazing reporting since the president's come into office. Very true. Some amazing reporting. Very true. Deep in-depth reporting that has uncovered some really horrible shit. And so just keep doing that. Yeah. But like, wouldn't that leave like only the sycophants to take? I mean,

I like, I'm saying you send somebody in there that's, that's going to ask the question. It just, it's just not that guy. It's just not that guy who has 20 years experience. I want it. Like when you say a call to personality, it's like,

I'm thinking again, like about that whole, like the, the have a beer litmus test, you know, that we, that we run with who we want to be elected. Like, ah, it's a guy I'd love to have a beer with. Oh, OK.

Well, you're a fucking idiot. Like, if you think that matters, like pay attention to the words I'm saying right now. This is directed at you. If you think that matters, you are individually and personally a fucking idiot. Like that is a stupid fucking rubric to you. I agree. I think one of the things that we have to we have to pay attention to, though, too, and I think the Democrats, we did this to ourselves.

We created a cult of personality around Obama in a big way. We did it with Clinton, too, though. Remember when he was on late night playing the saxophone? I think it was a little less with Clinton, but I think you're right. There was a level of that with Clinton. What about with Reagan? Was there a cult of personality on Reagan? But I think, that's a,

it's a recent history thing. It feels like, it doesn't feel like a, I bet it's TV related. I think probably right. I think it has to do with the more time we want to get these people on TV. But you know, you look at,

especially the press conferences with Obama in the same way. Like they've, they started really sending the, the bigger, better names to Obama's press conferences to ask these questions. You know what I mean? So I think that there's, that there's some blame on both sides,

I would say, you know, there's also good people and fine people on both sides. Let's pull the tiki torches. Speaking of tiki torches, if you have too many of them, don't drop them in the forest. The forest has not been raked.

Evidently, that's the solution to yeah raking the the problem the wildfires in california they do it in finland that's the key trump actually said when he was talking about the mismanagement of the of the forests and he was trying to find some blame to lay for the devastating fires and i love the name of the fire in Northern California. Campfire. That's pretty great. Whoever thought of that one, that's... Campfire. I think the key is all you have to do is just place a bunch of stones

around. It'll contain it. It'll be fine. All you do is just fly over with a helicopter to the world's largest marshmallow to roast over it. Giant graham cracker and chocolate

you squash it in. Finally, it's done. Oh, God. You're trying to rotate it so you get that golden, but like, I never have the patience for that.

There's really genuinely not a lot better than a real good s'more by the, I mean, that's a good thing. A s'more by the campfire is outstanding.

You and I have had this conversation. I have had maybe two good s'mores in my life and they're amazing. Yeah. All the rest of the s'mores I've had, I make myself, which means I impatiently set my marshmallow on fire and I get mad at the marshmallow for being on fire and I shake it into the...

And then it's like kind of cold in the middle and still hard and shitty and it's like fucking frog spit on the outside. I just... I don't have the... I do not have the patience to make s'mores. If you could middle and still hard and shitty and it's like fucking frog spit on the outside and my i just i don't have the i do not have the patience to make s'mores if you could sous vide s'mores that would be perfect that'd be amazing that'd be perfect i don't know why i think it would soggy up the cracker you'd have to do it after or something but you could sous vide the marshmallow but then why don't you just use fluff why not just spread fluff on it if that's the case because you wouldn't

get the golden and i guess you wouldn't out of the sous vide either, but then you could like take your butane torch. And that's what you make. You're making the most world's most like deconstructed, but also most impossible to make s'more. I want to talk about this Finland

thing though, because the Finland guy, the guy from Finland, whoever it is, I don't know other people's prime ministers or president. He basically said, yeah, we talked about it, but I just said, yeah, we maintain our forests, not we rake our forests. Cecil, think

about, so I got to tell you this. Okay, go ahead. I looked it up out of curiosity, and there's about 190 million acres of national forest. Think about, there's not even that many illegal immigrants. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. So I see there's this

guy at my work that I talk to sometimes about politics. And I see him in the parking lot the other day. And I see him, I was like, hey, where's your rake, Bob? And he looks over at me. And he's like, what? I'm like, where's your rake, man? I don't want this place to catch on fire. Forest fires? And he

says, oh, you're talking about the 129 million dead trees that, you know, laying in the forest? I was like, oh, well, who's going to pay for that to get raked up? We're going to rake up all the dead trees? Bob, should we get the strongest? You get that guy from Game of Thrones.

And he's throwing, he's caber-tossing them all in a big pile. And I was like, oh, maybe we should get some illegal immigrants to help us win it. That's exactly it. You don't even have enough with the caravans. Just give them a rake when they come in. Can you imagine like how many bags of leaves?

Like think about like raking your yard. You rake one tree, it's like fucking like 12 bags of leaves. But about like raking your yard you break one tree it's like probably like 12 bags of leaves but could you imagine that that one excited kid that gets to jump in and then like you just now have this like well like where would you take all of this and like like oh well we brought 129 million dead trees you're're just staring at it, waiting for one lonely spark to land in the pile. Oh man, that's actually worse. You know what this reminds me of?

What he said, all we need to do is rake it. Do you remember that fucking limbaugh? And he's like, you know, algae just eats oil. It just eats it right up. It just eats it right up.

It's like the same thing. It's like, all we need is a rake guys. Just what all we need is a rake and algae to eat the fire. That's all we need. It eats algae like I eat Oxycontin. Am I right? Am I right?

Seriously, like this is a guy whose only experience of nature is the golf course. And I'm not even kidding. He's like, whatever. On my golf course, those are almost never on fire. Everything for this guy. Put a sprinkler system in the middle of the fucking forest. What do you need?

All you need is a greenskeeper, guys. Who's even out there maintaining the forest? Nobody maintains forests. They don't. That's not how... But you know what's so funny is this guy is a very...

He's very much a rich guy. Yeah. And you can tell he's never had to deal with any real systematic problems before. No. All he's ever done is rich guy. Yeah. And you can tell he's never had to deal with any real systematic problems before. All he's ever done is look at his underlings and say, fix it. Yeah.

Just fix it. Like, you know, hey, it looks like we're not going to get that permit for that one building to get the fucking floor goodly schnup in it. And you're just like, and he's like, okay, great, just fix it. Yeah, tell me when it's there.

Exactly. He doesn't care. Wednesday is when I want that. He doesn't care. So have it Tuesday. He doesn't, All he cares about is the deadline and the final product. He doesn't care how it gets done. He's a delegator. So this is a perfect example of him never getting his hands dirty once in his entire life, never, ever having to problem solve anything except for looking at somebody and saying, fix it. Well, I love his solution. He tweeted out

if the forestry management is so bad, that's why we're having these fires. It literally has nothing to do, by the way, with why we're having these fires. These fires, and I read a whole article about specifically Camp Fire, which I love the name. I love it so much. And it basically was like, look, this wasn't even a brush fire. This was not a

fire which was started or made worse because of dry brush vegetation, which is a problem in some forested areas due primarily to climate change. It was made by Smokey because he's pissed about Hillary. That's what it is. But like, Trump's solution is like, do a better job managing

it. I'm not giving you any more money. So he's punishing you like a kid who didn't clean his room except for like, there's nobody to do, like, he's basically saying like, we need didn't clean his room, except for like, there's nobody to do. Like, he's basically saying like, we need to do more work.

Let's not give them, let's give them less resources with which to do the work. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. How the fuck is that going to help? I'm going to cut your budget and you're just going to have to work longer hours. And I'm not,

here's, I will send you rakes. Like I will send them to you. My illegal immigrants are only using theirs on their designated illegal immigrants. I love that the Finland president's like, yeah, ooh, hey, we never said that. Because that's crazy! I'm not going to give you a question.

Can you state categorically? You are fake news. Sir, can you state categorically that nobody... No, Mr. President-elect, that's not appropriate. Alright, this story is from USA Today. Fox News host. Guys, Fox News host. Yeah, yeah. There'select, that's not appropriate. All right, this story is from USA Today. Fox News host. Guys, Fox News host. Yeah, yeah. There's a couple of them that are coming out that are starting to be like, holy shit, that guy.

Right. There has to be this moment of reckoning where you're like, all right, look, I wanted things to go my way, but this isn't even my way. Yeah. So Fox News host Chris Wallace tells Trump the world sees him as beacon for repression. I love this because Chris Wallace does not let up on it. No. Chris Wallace on Fox News. Yeah.

Chris Wallace takes it to him. He says, Wallace says, Barack Obama whined about Fox News all the time, but he never said we were the enemy of the people. This is a direct response to Trump calling a news media the enemy of the people. Trump says in response that nobody believes in the First Amendment more than he does, but he says basically it's only the news outlets that he considers fake news. That's exactly it. Chris Wallace says, but you consider criticism fake news. I'm summarizing a little bit, but not a lot. Yeah. Yeah. He says like, it's not just news that's fake. It's news you don't like that you call fake. And then Trump, like just, he has gotten no fucking answer for this. He keeps on backing, backing up, backing up. And he says at one point, because, because the main, the main thing is we're going back to that

Acosta thing, right? Fox news. It says Fox News joined other media outlets in filing briefs in support of CNN's lawsuit, because CNN sued the White House to try to get Acosta back in, one, as you said. And right after that happened, Trump tweeted basically like, look, we'll just throw him out again. Like, we'll just do it again. And CNN's like, well, they go back

to the judge. Well, they went back to the judge. Is this the same thing? And they're like, no, they can't act yet. But, you know, we're basically in a position right now where the president is deciding, like you said earlier, which sycophants get to sit in the room. Not, you know, who

is going to ask a hard question. It's who is in the room that's going to agree with me. And this is one of those moments where it's sort of a, you know, they call them come to Jesus moments or whatever. You know what I mean? Like there's a moment here where everybody is looking. Which is different than a come on Jesus moment. It is because it gets in his beard.

It's like that royal icing when he eats, you know, it's just in his beard. But this is why we need the illegal immigrants. The come to Jesus moment is, I mean, it's come to Jesus brought to you by caravans. But, you know, it's really interesting that, like you said, they're coming to the aid of CNN. And he says here, he says, this is Trump.

And if he misbehaves, we'll throw him out or we'll stop the news conference. And, you know, he said, and we'll probably get sued for that. I want to read this last piece, though. He says, at one point in the interview, Wallace asked Trump about the criticism from retired Navy Admiral. Is it an Admiral? William McRaven? What an awesome name. William McRaven.

Admiral McRaven. That's the greatest name. If he didn't change his name to that, like that is like when you're born, when you're shit out of the womb as a McRaven, you have to be like a general or an admiral or something. You have to be like a general or an admiral or something. You know, you know, for a dead certain fact that squinty eyed and steely vision watching 9-11 Admiral McRaven looked at those buildings fall and just said, never. So, uh, so, but he said, he basically said like, like, look, that guy, that McRaven guy, he's the one who led the operations that hunted down Saddam Hussein and killed Osama bin Laden.

And Trump said, and Trump basically said, look, that guy, he's a Hillary Clinton fan and an Obama backer. And then he said, Osama bin Laden should have been caught sooner. I'd have caught him sooner. Oh, would you have caught him during the Republican presidency where he was? Yeah, did you? What about when we were funding him? It was probably pretty easy to catch.

They had seven fucking years before Obama was in charge to catch that motherfucker that they didn't catch him, right? Right. I mean, like the buildings fell in 2001, right? But they fell really slow until the Obama presidency. They started in 2000. They started in 2001, but they actually, finally the last person died and they hit the ground in 2009, right after the election.

That's what happened. The same thing happened to the stock market. It was up real high and then it fell perfectly when Obama entered office. That's exactly what happened. I love it. It's like, I know you beat his ass, but I'd have beat his ass faster. I bet you, you know, we'd all beat his ass because we'd have been there. If we were there, it would have totally changed the whole equation.

It's true in some cases, but they aren't all valedictorians. They weren't all brought in by their parents. For everyone who's a valedictorian, there's another hundred out there that they weigh 130 pounds and they've got calves the size of cantaloupes because they're hauling 75 pounds of marijuana across the desert. All right. This story comes from Vanity Fair. Administration admits the border deployment was a 200 million dollar election stunt. So the Pentagon is withdrawing about 5,800 troops from the border as early as like pretty much now. Yeah.

You know, on the now side, like when you're hearing this. Sure. Pretty much on the now side. Now, that doesn't in any way mean that we are safe, quote unquote, from the caravan. It just means that the midterms are over. And this was never about anything other than fear mongering. And like, I mean, like this should be a scandal of, of genuinely, this should be a scandal of epic proportion that the, that the,

the military was used now your money, but also ostensibly the, the, the lives and the deployment and the disruption to families, et cetera. The, the blatant use of the military as an election tool, as a piece of fear-mongering, electioneering bullshit. They sent them out there like, oh, we're going to secure the border. Something, something, midterms are over. Now the border, I mean, it's so fucking transparent.

If Obama, if any other president, if any, I don't care. I just take Obama back. I take it back. If this had happened at any other point in history where we cared about things anymore. But I think we're in, I think we're in a post giving a shit phase in the, in, in the world. Like, I don't know that like we have the ability to differentiate the real from the surreal any longer. It'd be, you know, it's, I was thinking about it.

It's like, imagine you and, you know, like let's say you're a mid-level manager at a business and you and your other mid-level manager are, you both work for the same business, but you're kind of rivals, right? You're both trying to do, you know, certain things. This is hard for me to picture. I know, right?

I'm having a tough time right now. It's basically your job. But anyway. So I go to work on Tuesday. A lot of people have to do this. Imagine if you were just like in the middle of like the worst time of the year, like let's say you're trying to put your budgets together. Okay. The guy, the guy sends a fucking marching band to your office to just sit and bang on cymbals and play the stars and stripes forever and march

around your thing all day distracting you. Right. So you can't get your work done. So you can't do it. It's like a very similar situation. It's like they're forcing, they're forcing this to happen where people see this as a threat, right? Everybody's talking about, like, look at Fox and Friends.

Uh-huh. Every single day. Oh my God, the caravan's full of terrorists. Yeah, it's okay. It's a bunch of kids looking for asylum and a bowl of fucking cereal. That's really what it is. But no, they're a bunch of fucking terrorists.

You know where they are right now? They're in Tijuana waiting in line to get into fucking America. That's where they are right now. Waiting in line, being like, okay, here we go. This is where we wanted to be. But see that, and that's really problematic

for this narrative, right? Is that like, they're here and they're attempting to follow the rule of law, right? And that fucks up the whole narrative. The whole narrative breaks if they don't try to like, swim across the Rio Grande, right? Exactly. Like, if they're not trying to do that shit.

You know, get coyoted across and all that. And it's like, no, they came up here. They're refugees. They're looking for asylum like all refugees do. And they're going to a correct checkpoint and being like hey man i'd like to get in like crazily now the response of the administration is to change the laws regarding asylum as fast as possible yeah so that so that the existing laws which we'd all fucking agreed were okay until this until all of a sudden the wrong people wanted it yeah and now

we're going to change the laws all of of this should be like, and I'm not even fucking around. Like all of this should be the biggest scandal, but like we're at a place in history where like the biggest scandal is only upset by the biggest scandal. And so like you got like Wednesday scandal and like, it's actually difficult to keep up with. And like, we should be outraged. We should look at this and be like, wait a minute, you you mobilize six thousand American troops as an election stunt. Do you remember two weeks ago when there was a pipe bomber, Tom? Do you remember that? I actually did.

And I forgot about it. Yeah. Until I just told you. Right. You forgot about it. Right. There was a there was a guy. Pipe bomber.

Yeah. I'm motivated. Literally forgot. Motivated by hate speech and divisiveness that are in that is in this country that is fomented by this president constantly yeah that guy fucking was there he was there you're completely right that i literally forgot fucking forgot bet you did yeah right nobody died that's why you fucking forgot about i would have forgotten even if people did die right that's just true probably because like do you remember the last mass shooting because i don't remember which one was the last one well

there was just one in chicago a couple days ago that was at a Mercy Hospital. That's ironic. Yeah. We're going to have to change the name. Alanis Morissette was standing there with a fly in her chardonnay. She's just like, I don't know. I don't know.

She just dumps it out like for her homies. Just like, it's this irony dump for my homies. I want to relay something. And I don't know how, how, I don't know how analogous this is, but every week in my neighborhood, and I live in a,

in a pretty upscale neighborhood in Chicago. Every week in my neighborhood, about 50 to 100 homeless people congregate in my neighborhood. Okay. And there's a place that gives them breakfast

on Saturday mornings. Okay. Every Saturday morning, it's a place right by us, Grace something church or something. I don't know if it's a church or a Methodist place or something where people gather, but they give them breakfast. Every week, those people are there. Every week, those people show up. Every week, they stand out in a big line. Every week, there's a whole bunch of people that are homeless that are in my neighborhood. And you could look at that two ways. You could look at it like these people are looking at that- Well, I would see that as an invasion. Yeah, exactly. That's how I would see that. You could look at it as a person who's in your really nice place, looking out of your window and saying, man, look at this filth that

comes here and clogs up this neighborhood every Saturday. I'm going to do something about that. Or you can look at it and be like, man, what a great thing that we're helping people. Yeah. What a great thing that I live in a place that I have so much that the people with less, because like, because yeah, think about if you were the, like, if you lived in a country where like people were like, I'm just passing through because your country doesn't have anything to offer. You know what I mean? We are in a place where it's like, holy shit, I'm so fucking fortunate that the world looks to me as a place to come for comfort and solace and sucker.

And that is not because you owned it or because you deserve it or because you did anything that makes you a better person. You literally just got fortunate. That's it. Almost none of you had anything to do with that at all. So there is a meanness to protecting what's yours at the brutal expense of other people, particularly when the give

that you personally will be required to give in order to make those people comfortable, in order to give them some aid, is so small. I think that's the key. It's like, it's so small. Like, what are you going to,

you're out, you know, a few dollars a year in taxes. I mean, literally like a few dollars a year for most of us in taxes. And in order for these people to have, you know, food and clothing and education and all the things that you didn't fucking earn that you have, it has nothing to do with you. You just got lucky. You got lucky. So to deny what you took and you're happy to take, I'm happy to take what I didn't earn, but I am unwilling to give even the smallest amount that literally you would not notice

in order to give back to other people. Right, right. That makes you mean. You can't get away from that. No, you can't. It makes you selfish. It makes you mean.

Yeah, absolutely. I don't disagree. That 100% makes you a bad person. You can't get away from that judgment. These are not people who are running out like away from their

good paying jobs in Mexico to get a better paying job somewhere else. They're not shopping around their resume somewhere. They're not doing that. These are people who have nothing or people who are fleeing violence. These are people who are really in trouble. That's the thing. You don't leave a comfortable place or a semi-comfortable place for America. You leave a desperate place to come to America. And like, here's a litmus test. You would do the same thing. You would have a moral imperative to do the same thing, to not do the... If you are a person who is supporting other people, if you have a family, if you have children, if you have a wife, if you have whatever it is in your life that you are required to support, you have to have a moral fucking imperative to do the same thing.

So, like, to deny somebody access to what you yourself would do in their situation, that makes you a fucking mean-spirited hypocrite. You can't get away from that. You just can't. Hillary called them deplorable. They're not deplorable. This is from CNN. Hold crooked Ivanka. That's interesting.

This is great. So Ivanka Trump has been caught using her personal email. Yeah. For government business, basically. I guess used her personal email for all of her scheduling, according to the articles that I read. And Trump came out, you know, Donald came out and he,

she said, look, it's different than Hillary because reasons. And something, something, I got to go. Anyway, her last name is Trump.

So that's exactly it. You guys, we'd all fuck her, right? We'd all fuck. Everyone raise your hand. I know I'm her dad but like

I would definitely put my penis in there you guys would too well you know there's all those assholes in the Rust Belt like Shay looks like a

you know a frog that got turned into an heiress you know what I mean like she's she's fucking she's got a giant fucking mouth

you know what I mean I think the reason why I like her she looks like a fucking small mouth bass. I think that's the thing. Yeah, these guys don't need all that space. I'm just saying, like, you're not filling up that hole.

I don't like Hillary. She made my balls feel full. But, you know, like this, this whole thing is just bullshit. It's like, you know, and I know we've talked about this a hundred times, the hypocrisy of it. It's all the hypocrisy of it. Like whenever you just point out and you say, look, you said this before, you've made these

points before. In fact, the one pivotal point of the election, if you'll remember, the major email scandal popped up right as the Access Hollywood tapes came out, right? Like, so just as the Access Hollywood tapes are coming out, that's when the WikiLeaks dropped all these emails and said, hey guys, look at all this stuff. And then that's when it got brought back up again and it kept on getting bring up.

So yeah, this absolutely is a pivotal point in the election. Like there are things that are like, there are things about this that just like, again, like, I don't know. I don't know how we're in this crazy world. Like, first of all, like, why does Ivanka have anything to do with official government business? I don't know. I don't know how we're in this crazy world. Like, first of all, like, why does Ivanka have anything to do with official government business? I don't know. I don't know.

Like, why did he just, he like fucking hired his children. Yeah. He hired his fucking. He was going to get the best people. I fucking like. The best people. Pause and think about that for a second. The very best.

I'm going to kill myself. I know. I'm going to kill myself on this show. Ivanka, like, from this article, I laughed because it was like, this is a quote from the CNN article. It turns out president's daughter, who serves as senior advisor to him, has been using her personal email for official government business. And you can't read that sentence without being like, why are you, why do you have anything

to do with senior government business? And it's not just her, it's her and her husband, right? I know. Both of them. The whole family. Both of them. I know. And then both of their fucking like mongoloid sons, the two like weird like crow magnons

that he birthed. Crazy fucking nepotism administration. Giant fucking brows on those. It's almost like they have an awning on their eyes. Like, it's like you could, you know, with that song, Share My Umbrella, you don't have to with those. You could just crawl under their brow and be safe from the rain. There's going to be somebody who jumps off a building and bounces

safely yet comically across their eyebrows. Spider-Man's going to shoot a web and swing across. It's worse than that though. They look like Donald Trump is their dad. Yeah. That's what they look like. They do. They look like a paternity test is not

needed. Have you seen the demon that is his father like the pictures of his father i've never seen this you need to look it up man that guy i don't know if he got like fucking hit with a gas attack on the face or something but he looked like a demon like that guy like genuinely looked like the he looks like satan i gotta i'm gonna call up a picture i'm gonna do it very quickly. All right. Look at that thing. Oh, my God. Look at that thing. Look at that.

Come on. I feel bad. That acid attack really did a number on him. It really did. Look at this guy. Jesus Christ. He's like Liver Spot, the person. God, his smug, ugly fucking son is actually better looking.

I know. Think about that. And then it's like evolution and then de-evolution when you come to a sunset. They're like moonwalking back through that. One of them just crawls into the ocean. He like sort of slides. And you're like, I'm going here. You know, I also want to say like Ivanka's justification is amazing because it's basically

she's like i didn't know you didn't know your dad literally ran on a platform of but her emails you know what's interesting is there was another another fucking article that i saw where they were talking about like how ivanka will try to look will will make herself look intelligent and smart sometimes and then also like play the ditzy blonde role. And she's doing that right now with like the, whoopsie, sorry, didn't know that that was bad.

I'm sorry. I had no idea. She knows it's going to work. She knows it's going to get her out of trouble. Yeah, right. And it's like, Jesus Christ, there's no standard.

And it's like, look, and I know that there's a lot of people out there that are like, Hillary was corporate, Hillary was this, there's a lot of reasons why she lost the election.

And that's true. I do admit that she didn't campaign well. She did a couple other things that I think were missteps. I think that there was a lot of people who didn't like her just in general. And but I think like there was a lot of people. And if you listen, I remember the Thomas Smith thing when he had those people on, they were talking about her emails. They had a conversation about like, you know, about her email. And a lot of people use that as a talking point,

butter email, butter email. This is an administration that is doing the exact fucking same thing for convenience because it's convenient to do. They're doing the exact same thing and there's no accountability. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's, it's, it's, this is a blatant leveraging of privilege, right? Exactly. Exactly. It is a blatant leveraging of privilege right exactly exactly exactly it's a blatant leveraging of privilege it's when i do it it doesn't matter well that's the thing is that like we know that like it doesn't actually matter that everybody leverages their privileges this is the point where we're supposed to call it out i'm yeah i'm important notice it and less important people might have to follow the rules but i don't i because i i'm i'm important what makes you think she's a witch?

Well, she turned me into a newt. A newt. Got better. Burn already! Burn! Burn already! Burn! Burn!

So normally we don't play other people's news reporting. Right. But I feel like in this story, and this is a story from Newsweek, number of witches rises dramatically across the U.S. Don't have to already disagree. None of you are witches. Oh, no, you call yourself whatever you want. I'm fucking Superman. Yeah, I know, right?

That's why I laughed when I saw this story. It's like number of witches rises. Yeah. I mean, sure, sure. Yeah. Yeah. I'm also a Tyrannosaurus Rex because I have fucking short, stunty arms. You can also subscribe to Cook's Country and call yourself a chef. It doesn't mean you are. But I want to play this because we're going to talk about it. But this is someone else's reporting. However, the reporting is very minimal. What it

is mostly is sort of a cobbled together interview with a lot of these people. And this is my favorite part is they're the witches of Instagram. That's my favorite part. I want that to be the sequel, the witches of Eastwick. That's what I want. Meet the witches of Instagram. I saw that. I saw that and I seriously see. So I looked at that title and I sighed and I want to get in a time machine and go back to before. I want to do before. I can't. Can I do the before?

I'm just like, I can't this at all. I can't any of this at all. I watched this video and I was just like, oh my God, people are insane. So I want to play this. This is the witches of Instagram. This is what we're doing with this technology. Like I said, though, this is reporting from Newsweek.

This is not ours, but we are going to talk about what the witches have to say. We waste everything we build. When you think of witches, you probably imagine pointy hats, black hats, and broomsticks. Evil old hags are young women dressed all in black. You don't tell me what to imagine when I imagine a witch. You don't tell me what to imagine. I imagine sexy witches.

That's what I imagine. Who doesn't imagine sexy? Come on. Ever since The Craft came out when I was a teenage boy. I was thinking more along the lines of Wizard of Oz, but okay, if you want to go with The Craft, you do you, buddy. I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too. While fairytale witches might gather under the cover

of darkness, modern witches are meeting on Instagram. They use the hashtag witches of Instagram, which currently has almost two million posts. Cecil, this is, like, this is what we've done with in this world, I just, like, in this fucking world, just witchery has been reduced to a fucking series of glib memes.

Like, are you a good witch or a bad witch? Both. I'm high by actual. And that is what we are. That is our witches now. Well, I mean, look, even our witches are unbelievably fucking lame. So what is happening with this? So right now on the screen, there's these mugs with what looks like quartz and shit in them.

And I'm like, that is the worst latte ever. Look at this. It looks like it has a washer in it. Hold on. Witch tip. I'm actually leading. Witch tip. First of all, witch tip.

I don't know. There's only one that I care about. Witch tip. First of all, witch tip. I don't know. There's only one that I care about. Instead of using sand, burn loose incense on a bed of salt. Once cool, mix the salt and ashes together for a simple do-it-yourself black salt.

I don't want to do any of this anymore. You have to. We are Pinteresting our witches and then turning them into fucking memes on Instagram. I think it's amazing. Like, I think this is amazing. I think this is everything is wrong with everything. Everything is wrong with everything. We're ruining the integrity of witches, Tom.

There's all these real witches out there killing kids, putting eye on Newton shit. And they're like, God damn it. I'm not on Instagram. Like at some point, though, like, aren't you looking around like, okay, I am so full of shit. I am so full of shit. Okay, and I'm going to preface this, you know, this is something that's going to come out as you work your way

through this, especially with some of the things that they have to say, but this is just attention-whoring, man. But that's all it is, right? It's like, I, you know, do you remember when you were in high school and like being different was an Olympic sport? Like how different, look at how different I am.

I'm so different. As long as you were different in the ways that your friends were also different. Well, yeah, exactly right. Like, look at this group I belong to. Oh yeah, you know, I belong to the stoner group, but I listen to way harder music than just Metallica guys. You know what I meanoner group, but I listen to way harder music than just Metallica guys.

You know what I mean? Like, or I listen to way more obscure industrial than Nine Inch Nails or, you know, Ministry or whatever. I listen to, you know, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. It's an Olympic sport. It's like, you know, like it's how different can you be and how much attention can you get?

Look at my peacock feathers. That's all this is. This is just peacock feathers. Oh, I know. I mean, it's ridiculous peacock feathers that you then wave and say something in Latin on. Yeah. That's it.

That's all any of this is. This is like, this is building a new fucking lunch table. Yeah. This is your fucking cool kid lunch table. And it's so funny because, like, we look and we, like, all look back like, I'm glad that's over. Anyway, guys, can I sit with you?

I've got my tray. Yeah, I've got my hashtag, right? Yeah. The hashtag is really just something to kind of identify like, hey, we are the witches of Instagram and we are here. It's just a community of all witches,

varying degrees or levels and... Levels? Levels? What's your savings? What's your savings? I'm a third degree chartreuse level Instagram. Look at this up here. You should see my witchy Pinterest board.

All right. So what you have here, we have like some Himalayan salt crystals on it. Like it's arranged on a what looks like a cutting board and some like some weird. It's like, like, what are you trying to do? Like, like summon a charcuterie demon? Like what? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Go back. I'm suddenly more interested. Pardon me, ladies. I know that there's somebody like chorizo demon. Pardon me. I know the quiznos demon is more he's he's more into sauces but i am low right i am uh into uh how firmly packed my chorizo he hangs out with the gentrification demon as the increasing my home prices the beard balm demon and the mustache wax demon are also close.

Oh God. There's some fucking witch like arranging the lighting just so on her fucking eye of fucking cauldron to get just the right, just the right Instagram. Look how many hearty faces I got on my fucking magic spell. Ages, ethnicities. It's really cool to see everybody's various practices and their lifestyle and things like that.

You're literally just arranging rocks on a table. That's not a practice. Dude, that's a Bailey. That's a fucking fake cinnamon stick is what that is. That's a garbage cinnamon block that they shave off of trees. Seriously,

this is garbage you bought at Hobby Lobby and the grocery store. Contact juggling ball here on the table. No, seriously. This is shit from Hobby Lobby and the grocery store that you put on a cutting board and then you took a picture of it. And now you're pretending that you're fucking Sabrina the Teenage Witch or whatever. I've kind of connected with it because especially as a solitary witch, I'm not able to have that community here

physically with me. And so... Man, you don't have it anywhere else. Just want to like throw that out there. What were you going to do with the community anyway?

Just get together and have a coven, right? Or were you going to just like be like, okay, now it's your turn to place a rock on the fucking cutting board. Yeah, okay, guys.

There's nobody to play light as a feather, stiff as a board with. Here's my collection of rocks and glass beads that I got from fucking Joanne's Fabric or whatever. Using that hashtag, I'm able to connect and find other

people that are like-minded or get ideas from people or inspiration from them. Witches use Instagram to post pictures of their craft, as well as connect and support each other. Those who have just come out of the broom closet can find advice and help for more established witches.

I'm going to connect. What I'm going to do is I'm going to look at your pictures of spells that don't work, and I'll show you pictures of my spells that don't work, and then we'll all fucking comment like, Oh, I love your black salt! That is just salt from the store! Are they just like connecting with each other and comment like, oh, I love your black salt. That is just salt from the store. Are they just like connecting with each other and being like, oh, I used that spell last week

and they're like lying to each other about how it worked or something, do you think? Seriously. Because what was your conversation? Like, I'm wondering what the conversation is between the two witches because you and I used to- That's a great crystal.

When we used to hang out, there was a guy who used to lie a lot. We hung out with a compulsive liar, right? We used to hang out with this compulsive liar back a long, long time. Absolute compulsive liar. He would tell you something that is so patently untrue.

You would look at him and be like that literally can't be like, I just flew to the moon and back. What do you guys think? You know what I mean? He would say shit that crazy. Right. I had to park my Lamborghini two blocks away. So no one would see it. Or you know what I mean? Like shit like I'm in the witness protection program. Don't drop me off at my crazy. Right. I had to park my Lamborghini two blocks away so no one would see it.

Or you know what I mean? Like shit like I'm in the witness protection program. Don't drop me off at my house. Yeah. It's he just, he was a crazy person. So, but that guy,

like, like he got together probably with other people who just like either tolerated his lies or lied back to him. And then he just pretended to tolerate their lies in the, in the time that they're together. And I wonder, is this the same thing? Like,

like, and I want to ask the listeners this,. And I wonder, is this the same thing? Like, like, and I want to ask the listeners this, if you were ever part of this community, right? Like tarot card reading community, the crystal fucking smelling community, whatever it is, whatever it is,

like, did you guys just pretend that these things worked for you? Like, how did you, how did you, how did your worldview work? That I am very curious. No,

but I'm very curious because there, you're gotta be lying to yourself or you're lying to others or both. Right. Like what is what at what level do you stop? Like at what level do you wake up and say this is absolute bullshit? I did not like that. That eyelash of frog did not make that guy fall in love.

That's the thing, though, is that like none of that matters, I think, because like this is combined, you know, in such a way that like it's not ever going to be about did the spell work? Because, of course, the spells don't work. They don't work. Wouldn't matter. It's fucking magic is not real. This isn't about that. This is just about like finding ways to self validate. other kind of, you know, masturbatory self-validating bullshit that people engage in, in order to,

you know, pretend that they have some kind of connection with a community of a thousand strangers that they don't really have a connection. But people do it with Jesus all the time. They do with everything. Jesus is a very, very common, right? People do it with Jesus. They're like, oh, I felt his hand on my back or, you know, I was going to quit. And then I realized that Jesus didn't want me to quit or whatever, you know, whatever it is that they think. And so there are people who think things happen, mystical things happen in the world. And so I wonder how many things are, you know, self-deluding, how many things are they attributing to this witchcraft? So I'm asking the audience, if you were ever involved in witchcraft,

did you, did you know it was bullshit? Did you think it was bullshit, but you didn't care about it because you liked the community or did you really believe it? And at what point did you stop believing it? Those are things I'd like to hear from the community. So either leave a voicemail, a short one, 30 seconds, a minute, no longer, or you can send us an email and we'll talk about it on the show. There's people from, you know, all different time zones. So no matter what time of day or night it is, there's someone to connect to. They really support you and they have your back and they reach out to you and, you know,

they want to know that you're doing okay and they want to see what's going on with you. That's just a picture of John Denver. I know. It's like, what is it? Was he a witch? Hold on, guys. Is he a witch? So right now, it's just like, it's scanning over people's fucking Instagram pictures. So like, I'm not kidding right now, it's scanning over people's fucking Instagram pictures. So I'm not kidding right now.

They are 10 burns in all these pictures. On this fucking Instagram picture, here is what they are slowly slow panning over. On the left-hand side, I'm going to tell you everything that's on this. On the left-hand side, there are two marbles. I'm not kidding. Those are just marbles. Then there is an LP of an Eagles album. Then there are two LPs of John Denver albums.

A Jeff Beck. A Jeff Beck album with a rock on it. What looks to be a piece of Native American beatery of some kind. And then there's like a Hindu or Buddhist alabaster looking thing. They're just panning over that as if that picture is a meaningful representation of witches. Right. Yeah.

I don't know. And then magic spells because John Denver is going to. Oh, my God. Rocky Mountain. Never do that again. That would be the right time. Fuck you. I crush that shit.

I never thought I'd be a teacher because I always think I'm an eternal student. But actually, I've been helping a lot of witches and I never said I would share like any spells in my life because I was like,

that's a private thing. But recently I've been like, you know, some people need guidance. I love like, I really thought it was a private thing. Really? You thought that thing that you do on Instagram was a private thing.

I was, you know, these are really very private, which is why I put them in this public show. I only share them with my closest 5,000 non-friends. Right. I really feel like through the online community, witchcraft is coming out of the shadows.

And that's my personal mission in life is to bring witchcraft out of the shadows and into the mainstream. I made tea. The Witches of Instagram community is empowering for many witches who feel like they don't fit in anywhere else. I have cards. It was kind of liberating for me because like even when I was in the Christian community, I never found my people. Like somehow I was always like pushed to the edge and never kind of seen. Did you hear that? I was never seen.

Yeah. She wasn't unique there. She was just another believer. Yeah. And here, she is peacocking. She is unique here. I get it. I get it too.

And I'm not making fun of that. I'm not saying that that's bad. I'm saying, yeah, but I get it. I get it too. I'm not, and I'm not making fun of, I'm not making fun of that. I'm not saying that that's bad. I'm saying, yeah, but I mean like, also recognize it, right? Also recognize what you just said, which is you're doing this for attention. Yeah, right. You know, like all the shit that I shit on it.

I get it. Like you're fucking, you're lonely or something and it serves some kind of validating purpose to feel less isolated i don't think anybody should have to feel i agree yeah but like i mean again like i think that there's like an honesty sometimes that's missing around a lot of this you know like and and like there's there's also a validity newsweek is giving this some sort of validity by saying look at these witches. No, these are people who are taking

collage pictures of witchcraft-like material. That's what they're doing. It's just a picture. It's like an arrangement. It's a still life of what it's like to be a witch. This is no more This is like when they stage food to take pictures of it.

It's not food anymore. A lot of times it doesn't even contain food, right? Milk is glue. Right. All of this nonsense, all of this nonsense is basically the same thing. You're staging a moment rather than having a moment, rather than this is not the actuality of what happened. This is the staging of a burger, right? This is the idealized version of that hamburger.

It's pornography. Right. So it's no more sex than pornography is really sex. It's a staged, sold version of the billboard of sex. Exactly. So yeah, but Newsweek in some way

is saying there's something to this. There's a group of people out there that are witches. And they even in the article here, they talk about at one point how Lana Del Rey came and visited one of these witch covens and they cast a spell on some. They've been casting spells on some of these like Republican leaders. And you're like, no, they didn't. No, they literally didn't. They chanted in a circle and maybe they fucking drank some tea together and smelled some incense but they they had as much

effect on the on those people in the higher republican places as those people at catholic church do every week when they say and now we pray for the poor people in the world right and then we get to our suvs and we go home. Right. That's what they had the exact same effect. Literally nothing. They smelled the incense. They held hands. They chanted together. Nothing fucking happened.

But you're giving it a validity that it doesn't deserve. But here on Instagram and other platforms, you can feel like you're being seen by someone. So many people think that there aren't witches and we're everywhere. We're everywhere. So of course it makes sense if- But particularly on Instagram. You know you're not.

You're not a witch. I love this. So they got like Egyptian photos and like what looks like an Oscar statue that's on fire. I know, it's like, what's so awesome is like all this stuff is just old gods.

It's all ones that everybody's like, that shit isn't real anymore. It's witchy now because it's less mainstream. Yeah. It's like, yeah. I mean, witches are hipster religion. Yeah, I know, right? Like, they're like, yeah, no, I like the old gods on vinyl.

You want answers? I think I'm entitled to them. You want answers? I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. All right, this is from Right Wing Watch. Cat Care orders East Coast Winter Storm to put up. This is

amazing. This is amazing. Let's just watch it because this is absolutely stunning. Oh my God. Father, we take authority according to the power that Christ has given us over any power of the enemy. Any power of the enemy controlling those fires in California. We command the

host of heaven to get in there and pull down every stronghold. The host of heaven. I'm the host of heaven. How many in your party? Best I can do is eternity. That's the wait. Is that okay? I have a really uncomfortable bench in the corner you can sit on forever.

There's a pager. When it goes off, you get into heaven. That's just... It's your pager. You know, there's a nice bar across the street. We'll text you when your table's ready. It'll be 16 billion years. Is that going to work for you? You bash the demonic that want to bring fear or hate or death or destruction. We command you to pull them down, bash

them. Smash them. Just beat them up, Jesus. Just fight them and break them and just. Gabriel, Gabriel, bring me my basher. Can you bring me my, it's the thing I bop the bunnies with. That's what I need. It looks like a little, like a maceular thing. I just smack them with it. She speaks like a fucking fourth grader.

Just bash them. She speaks like our president. Like I said, like a fourth grader. She just bashed him. She speaks like our president. Oh my god. Like I said, like a fourth grader. Get in there and begin to break up those fires. We command low... Break the fires up. Just crack those fires right in half. Great. Now I have two fires.

You're whispering to one half of the fire. I think the other side is cheating on you. You can do better. I'm just saying. Hey, I just want you to know, you remember that one cute girl? She was asking about you. You can do better. I'm just saying. Hey, I just want you to know, you remember that one cute girl? She was asking about you. A low pressure system to come.

Why do I say that? A low pressure system brings rain. And we need rain in that part right now. Oh, you need water on the fire? Oh, write it down, everybody. Water on the fire? That's what we need? Gag, gag, gag, gag, gag, gag, gag, gag. It's like a ticker tape coming

in. Holy shit, we need water? We've been throwing sawdust on this thing the whole time. We've been chucking rakes at this thing for an hour. Nothing's happening. Hey guys, water for the fire. We're fucking stupid. I'm rolling back to the rinks. Somebody rake

up all this water and put it on the fire. Just get a bag. Rake the ocean. In our country right now, we need rain. And yet the country that has fires burning, we're going to speak up for you to anywhere that has fires burning, we're going to speak up for you too. Anywhere that fires are burning

in this world, that were started on purpose or just by nature. There's just somebody like with a cap fire, just like this little tiny rain that just puts it out every time. I'm so cold. Some guy standing over his stove trying to cook his rice. He's like, what the fuck, man? I started this

fucking on purpose. I started it on purpose, but I can't get it to every moment. What the fuck? Tiny, localized, cat-shaped fucking clouds. There's like a little cloud everywhere. We take authority over all the power of the enemy, trying to use them and bring harm or destruction. And again, we send the host everywhere they're at. There's plenty of hosts to send everywhere

to bring an end to those fires. We command them to begin to fizzle, to go out. Did she just say fizzle? Fizzle and go out? Just the fire's like, ugh. The fire's not going to listen to you. Look, we just uncovered a witch thing. Fire's not going to listen to you unless you say it funny.

So do it like in pig Latin. Be like, Izzelfay, Izzelfay, Izzelfay. And point, point at it. Maybe So do it like in pig Latin. Be like, Izzelfay, Izzelfay, Izzelfay. And point, point at it. Maybe you can wave like a stick or like arrange maybe some shit on a charcuterie board. Do something fun, cat. Let the oxygen be removed

from the fire itself, but not from any of the surrounding atmosphere. But not from the people that need the oxygen. Just, you know, just the oxygen from the... Anyway, whatever you need to do from a technical perspective.

Oxygenus despacito! Go! Go! I like that because it was like pig Latin plus Spanish. And now Alexa is going to be putting despacito on everybody's playlist. Alexa, play despacito on everybody.

Alexis played despacito. It will not affect any person, place or thing, but wait, except for the things that are affected by fire or the places. So it will affect those. Hey, the people that are on fire.

Anyway, like, like the host is like cat. Look, I got it. You don't want the fire. Let me take care of the details about how we get rid of the fire. You're commanding me in all these contrary ways. No wonder I can't get anything done, you stupid bitch.

No, I do know that if you remove the oxygen from the fire, it will go out. It has to feed on that. And so I thank you, Father, right now. But even as we declare together, let's say this together, we command a low price. Wait, hold on, hold on. I don't know what you're going to fucking say. The best I could do is mumble after you.

I feel like being like, murder, murder, murder. It's like wedding vows repeat after me. Fuck, what? Okay, I got to memorize this until you stop. Then I got to go back and say it. I want to hear what we're supposed to say together. Let's see what you have to say.

Let's do it. We command a low-pressure system to begin to form just like it did in the Bible. They were asking for rain to come. Going back to the Bible? Hey, we're not sure what pressure is yet because we're 2,000 years old

and basically fucking illiterate in every way. It bible yeah you know that also what happened in the bible they were able to command rain they were the walk on water they were the shit out kids as virgins they were the build arcs out of literally no material like yeah it turns out when you write a story 2 000 years ago you really don't have to have a lot of verification there we command the low pressure system to begin to form in california over those fires and let it rain and rain and rain until those fires are put out that nothing and until there's landslides and mudslides and until the flash floods cause rampant destruction among the poor beleaguered survivors who have almost no hope of rescuing their measly remaining belongings. Let the bodies of the incinerated be covered in mounds of liquid ash that roll over.

Wait a minute. Maybe we should have just the right amount. And rain and rain until those fires are put out that nothing will even be smoking. Not even embers. Not even smoke. We don't want... What the fuck? Not even the smoke is smoking. I don't want... I want to make sure that the smoke is not smoking anymore.

Joe Camel just has to saunter away from the fire like, fuck. I'm not even... I'll just take my camel cash elsewhere. Whatever. Me and the Marlboro Man are going to go get throatectomies or something. I'm going to go take my camel cash and buy a tote bag or something. So you can carry on my trachea. We thank you, God, for helping to bring an end to that by us using the host, by taking words of authority and using them.

If you're a child of the living God, you have a right to speak to that. But what if I'm a child of the walking dead? Is that different? It's just a little. We declare and decree that that storm Avery... Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay. So she has a cameraman.

She has a cameraman. A cameraman who's in front of the camera. This is my favorite. This is the best. See, you have to. Whoa. Kaboom, the technology. Oh, my God.

So 213. 213. What happens? You can't even imagine. It's literally the best. It's literally the best. I wish we were doing this in video. It's literally the best.

All right. So what she did was she had her cameraman take a picture. Now it's blurry still, but it's gonna focus and it's gonna be Florida and a pressure, like a low pressure like the East Coast winter storm that's going over where she basically has a like, somebody's putting

a cell phone or some image in front of the camera it's just somebody stuck, somebody called up like the fucking weather app on their phone and stuck it in front of the camera. So here we go. It's 2.09. I'm going to play it. Big technology moment.

Hey, let's go to our meteorologist. If she just put like an action figure up that looked like her. Okay, we're going to push this way. All right, so here we go. Oh, my God. Cree, that storm, Avery. There's a picture of it. There's a picture we go. Oh my gosh. That storm, Avery. There's a picture of it. There's a picture of where the weather system is.

It's just somebody's fucking shitty cell phone. It's either their cell phone or an iPad or something. It's hilarious. You're right, it's a cell phone because they're using their hand only. One hand. Oh, it's brilliant. Seriously, it's their weather app that they just stuck on their cell phone in front of the camera right in front of Kat's face while she was talking. That's brilliant. Seriously, it's their weather app that they just stuck on their cell phone in front of the camera,

right in front of Kat's face while she was talking. That's amazing. Speaking to you right now, it sure would be good if we could just kind of move that over the fires, wouldn't it? Get us moving 2,000 miles to the west. God's like, look, you know what I'll do is I'll just open up my teleporters. I got them in Georgia. I sucked up all the Democratic ballots there with it. So I'll just teleport that thing right over.

I love it. It's like she has no sense of scale. This storm isn't even to Memphis. Right. It's not even it's like on Atlanta. It's like, well, we just need to move it 2000 miles away. What do you do? Do you stand in Georgia and just wave a piece of cardboard?

What do you do? Everybody on three. Oh, yeah. Oh, by the way, all weather systems travel west to east. I know, right? It's going the wrong way. Well, just wait.

In 24,000 more miles, it'll wrap back around. We can command it to go in there and let's see what happens, okay? We hit that weather system. We're command it to go in there. Let's see what happens. We hit that weather system. We're just going to step out. We're hitting that weather system from where it's placed right now.

We hit it to go west. We're going to go all the way west to California and cover that area over top. We're going to do that too. We command the weather system, the low pressure system. Why would you command just a new weather system? Why do you have to We command the weather system, the low pressure system. Why would you command just a new weather system? Why do you have to use an existing weather

system traveling in the opposite direction 2,000 miles away from where you have a problem if you're using magic as your solution? What? I'll tell you why. Was it the witches of Instagram? No. Is it just somebody's charcuterie board of rocks that's going to make this happen?

Chorizo. Somebody's charcuterie board of rocks that's going to make this happen. I am chorizo. This is so stupid. I think we're coming in stupid. It's all stupid. But I want to say like, rank this is, buddy.

Here we go. Remember that stupid ass story where God stops the world for that one guy so his battle can last a little longer or whatever. You've heard of that, right? We're like, and then like physicists have gone through and done the math and they're

like, yeah, everybody's face would have melted up. You know, like, like people have done the math. Like, it's the same thing.

We talk about how Santa Claus delivers all the presents or whatever, you know, like, like he has to, he has to spend, you know, 0.1 billionth of a millisecond at every house or whatever. You know, like, he has to spend, you know, 0.1 billionth of a millisecond at every house

or whatever, except for all the poor kids in the world that don't get presents. It should really only count the kids in the world that get presents. We're going to say,

it actually does dramatically reduce it when you, like, you only have to stop at the middle class homes. Jesus. That and the toys for tot centers.

Those are the only places he has to stop. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who's ungrateful? And you don't deserve shit. And you don't deserve shit. Oh, gosh. I wonder if the president this year is going to be talking about clean coal and stockings.

I wonder if that's something that gets brought up. No, but like, I think the reason why she thinks this is a thing is because they don't understand anything anyway. Right? Like, so they don't, they think like you can stop the world on a dime and they think they think that you could take the stars out of the sky. Like there's a bunch of, remember we were reading Reckon Revelation, like, yeah, and the stars will fall

from the sky. It's like, if a star hits the earth, we are so small in comparison to literally any star and it will basically destroy us. It wouldn't matter. Like the star would, we'd be melted long before it impacted, right? You'd be like, oh no, it moved a little.

We're all dead forever. Like, oh, we got gravity to weigh. Whoopsie. So for the next couple of weeks, we're going to be skipping our patrons because we're recording ahead of schedule. So we'll be skipping a couple of weeks, we're going to be skipping our patrons because we're recording ahead of schedule. So we'll be skipping a few of our, like a few readings of our patrons,

but don't worry. We're going to be mentioning you in December when we come back and we're recording, since we're recording on a short week this week and we probably won't be recording for the next week, we won't be able to announce the most recent ones. We got an image and I'm going to put this on our

website for this week. This is episode 444. There's a Montana plate, and I don't know if this is real or not, but it looks like there's a Montana plate with Cog Dis as the Montana. I think that's amazing. Wow. I think that's amazing. I'm going to put it on this week's show notes. I think somebody might have

computer generated that more than anything else. But, you know, we got a bunch of messages on Facebook letters after his name. Ben Carson is a very educated man. Yeah, that's fine. But that doesn't mean that that all educated people are Ben Carson. Right. And I think that's I think I don't know that I like that argument. I just think like, you know, you've got to have standards when you're hiring for a job. That's it. I'm not saying you need to have standards for any other part of our democratic system. And somebody else, I think it was on Twitter was like, you guys hate democracy or something. And I was just like, what the fuck are you talking about? Like we hate democracy because we think, you know, people should be qualified for the job. I don't think that. I don't know that I agree as, as, as strongly as Tom does about the levels of education,

but I definitely think the guy we are about the levels of education, but I definitely think the guy or gal we hire should be qualified. The other major thing that people are saying, and this is a totally separate issue, is that people who are educated in this country mostly come from either an economic, they're either economically privileged or they're white, or there's some sort of privilege in their background. And I recognize that that's a problem, but I also don't think that that problem is necessarily connected to this other one of having incompetent leaders.

I think the more often you have competent leaders, the better chance we have to dealing with that problem. Yeah. I don't think that, um, that setting a standard and set, we're only talking about, you know,

for, for all of Congress, you're only hiring 535 people. That's not a lot of jobs. It's not. It's not a lot of jobs. And I do. I do. I stand by what I said. I think you have to have we have standards for everything else. You have a standard for if I want a job working for the EPA, like we have a friend that works for the EPA. She's a scientist for the EPA. Well, she had to get a fucking degree in science and EPA. Like we have a friend that works for the EPA. She's a scientist for the EPA. Well, she had to get a fucking degree in science. In EPA-ing. Right. It's not like she can show up and be like, well, you know, I really want that job and I really give a shit about the environment. I'm a really good person, you know, and I have a degree in theater history, right? Like that doesn't play because she's just not qualified to make the right, she doesn't have the requisite education to make

decisions on the topic she's being asked to make decisions about. Think about what we ask of our lawmakers. We ask our lawmakers to weigh in and decide for us issues around science, around technology, around climate, around finance, around economics. And we don't require that any of them know anything about those topics. There is no requirement at all. And there are people who know about those things. And we could hire those topics. There is no requirement at all. And there are people who know about those things. And we could hire those people. I would actually, like, you can send me all your emails. It's okay to disagree with me on this. It's okay. But I would say, like, personally, I would take it a

step further and say, if you want to be on the House Finance Committee, you goddamn well better have a degree in finance. And if you want to be on the technology-related committee, you better goddamn well have a degree in science and technology. You just should. Or you're not qualified to sit on that committee. I think about private industry. Private industry would never put up with this shit. If I'm in a private company and I say I'm going to form a committee to research A, I'm only going to look inside my company for people with experience in education surrounding topics concerning A, whatever it happens to be. It is only this weird quirk of government where we say,

it's okay for you not to have any fucking idea what you're talking about. You should probably make the world's most important decisions on that topic. It's interesting because now that I'm thinking about it, one of the things that I think is, I think a lot of these people are willfully ignorant because the money makes them ignorant, right? If you're getting a lot of funding from the oil companies or something, you're going to be willfully ignorant about the climate. It doesn't matter what degree you have. You're going to think you're just going to be willfully ignorant about it. And I think the problem is, is that when we look at these people who are, who are not educated and willfully ignorant, they can always fall back on,

well, they are actually ignorant too. But if they're educated in that subject, they can't fall back on that. Well, I don't know a lot about that stuff. I'm not a scientist, but I'm not, they are scientists. Well, now we think there's a real problem. Now we know you're lying to us. You're lying because of the money that's involved in this. You know about this stuff. You know that this causes climate change, et cetera. And the thing is like, also like it would not be perfect, right? No, it's never perfect.

But it is closer, right? It's just like, think about hiring for any other position. Anytime you hire in any position, there's no guarantee that because somebody's resume says a certain set of things, they're going to be the right person to hire. Yeah. But you still want their resume to say certain things because it is a higher likelihood. Yeah. When you hire them. All this does is increase the odds that they will be successful.

And I don't know if they're going to be fucking making decisions about tax law. Maybe they should have a background in economics and taxes. Sure. Right? Because if they don't, they're just like, I don't know. My aide said this is how it works. Yeah. No, I think that there's, I think there's something to be said there.

I don't know. I don't know. I do know how to fix the other problem. The other problem about, you know, inequality of education. I know how to fix that problem. And that problem gets fixed by a lot more funding in our educational system, a ton more funding in our educational system, and allowing the playing field to be a lot more level when it comes to education, not basing it off property taxes, those sorts of things. You know, like,

there's a lot of things that you can do to fix that educational problem in our country. Yeah, I think, you know, the Scandinavian countries have it right where there is no such thing as crippling educational and medical debt. Yeah. Right? I can't get into,

unless I really work for it, in many parts of the world, I cannot get into crippling educational debt and I cannot get into crippling medical debt. Get rid of those two things. Give some universal childcare. You fix huge problems of inequality across the board. Huge. But good discussion all around, though. Thank you. I

think it's a good discussion. I don't think it's bad to disagree on this point. I think it's fine to disagree on this point. I think it's bad to resort to hyperbole, but I think it's fine to disagree on it. Yeah. And maybe I'm wrong. I, I'll say that. And it's okay. Maybe I'm wrong. I'm willing to look at arguments. It's okay to be wrong. It's also okay to be, you know, not 100% right. That's okay.

That's how discussion works. We got a message, a couple messages about modest needs. We are super happy about the amount of money that we raised. We found out...

Guys, thank you. Yeah, we found out $100,000 plus $115,000 with that match from Modest Needs and then an anonymous donor on our side also kicked in a lot of money. So there's a lot of money that was given.

$115,000 is an amazing amount of money. But a couple of people sent us messages about like Modest Needs and sort of their practices. That's questions we really can't answer. So if you're having issues, either applying for Modest Needs or you're having issues with people you know trying to get help from Modest're having issues either applying for Modest Needs or you're having issues with people you know trying to get help from Modest Needs, go to Modest Needs and talk to people there. Maybe contact them directly. The only person we have

access to is the guy who runs it. He's the head of the organization and he's not a boots on the ground guy. So we don't have anybody who we know that's like ingesting forms or any of that stuff that you got to work through the company there or through the charity there. We just don't have any access. We're sorry. We can't help you. So we got a message. It's an Etsy listing from James. I kind of love it. And James sent an image for a toilet brush. We're going to post the link to this. I'm sure this person's going to get a lot of hilarious messages and things, and maybe you want to buy it. I don't know, but I've never wanted to buy a toilet brush before. I've never been like, that's what I want. Yeah. So we got a message,

Tom, we got a message from Chris. Yeah. So Chris donated to Vulgarity for Charity. And I made a mistake. I roasted, I was supposed to have roasted his son and I did not roast your son. I roasted you in error. That is my mistake. I'm sorry about that. I dislike you both equally. So what I will do is I will make sure to roast you

aggressively. I roast your son rather not you again. That would be kind of funny if I roast him again. Now I kind of want to roast you again. I will roast your son with vigor on our next recording for Vulgarity for Charity. It'll be on Monday. So we'll make sure to do it. We're going to record on Monday. It won't release though, I don't think until next week. But yeah, we're going to do another Vulgarity for Charity recording on this show and on Scathing. So we'll make sure it'll be on this show, next show. Listen to the next show, Chris, and you're going to hear the roast of your son.

We got a message from Kernan, and this was on Patreon, and he said, we were talking about, and this is something we talked about, and I don't remember if it was on a live stream or it was on a last show or if it was on, even on the patron-only AMA, we were talking about saying,

I made after you had sex. Like you would say, I made. And he says, he says, he says, hold on. He says, one of my favorites was about a guy she dated. Now this is talking about a story that he heard. One of my favorites is about a guy she dated who whenever he came,

he would board out. I'm happening. That is so amazing. That is so amazing. If he said I'm happening and then he swatted her ass afterwards and said, good game, that is just killing it. You're crushing it at that point. Someone sent in the picture of someone's back of their car. Now I'm not going to post the picture at all, but I am going to read what it says on the back of the car. And they're saying this is like a

right wing nut job. And the picture was sent in by Mike, by the way, but just want to read what it says. It says, Hey, left wing, pull the dick out of your ass and put it in your fucking mouth. That sounds kind of gay. I mean, I'm not saying, I mean, not in a bad way either. Like that sounds like a, like ass to mouth.

It just sounds unclean. Like it just sounds unhygienic. Got a little ass to mouth going on here. It's a little like this. Us left wingers, we love ass to mouth. I don't know if that's the case. We got an image from Aaron and it's fucking amazing.

I'm going to post it on this week's show notes. It's about the forest fires. It's very, very funny. Very funny. Oh, we also got another image from Chris and it's another image about the forest fires. Check it out. It's on this week's show notes, 444.

So we are taking a couple weeks off, but we're going to have shows for you. Don't worry. When we come back, we're probably going to do a live stream. We'll let you know when that's going to be happening. We suspect one of the shows that we're going to be doing is sort of going to be a long form show, talking less about current events and more about social media. And it's going to be a little more serious discussion that's coming out in the next couple of weeks. Let us know what you think about that one to send us messages if you like it or dislike it.

But that's going to wrap it up for this week. We're going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed. cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment. Leo Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage Death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques and synagogues Temples, dragons, giant worms Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards

Vaccine nuts Shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy Double speak stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and information provided on this podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. All opinions are solely that of Glory Hole Studios LLC. Cognitive dissonance makes

no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information and will not be liable for any errors, damages, or butthurt arising from consumption. All information is provided on an as-is basis. No refunds. Produced in association with the local dairy council and viewers like you.