Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 459: Jihad Magazine

Episode Date: March 4, 2019

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This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by AdamandEve.com. Just go to AdamandEve.com and type in GLORY, that's G-L-O-R-Y, at checkout, and you'll get 50% off almost any item, a free sex swing, and free shipping. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from glory hole studios in chicago this is cognitive dissonance every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way we bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome mat. This is episode 459 of Cognitive Dissonance. See, so we've got a lot of recording we're

going to have to do here in the next three or four days we're taking a little bit of time off so if you guys are wondering hey why didn't the guys cover this story that was a big story it's because we haven't read it yet that's why we're basically recording to you from the past or we read it at the time and we are saving it

no what I'm going to do while we're off Cecil is I'm going to not read the news I'm going to bury my head in the sand Cecil, is I'm going to not read the news. I'm going to bury my head in the sand. How awesome would that be? Have you ever done that? Yeah. Have you ever taken a news break?

The last time I went when I did my trip across the country when I drove. Yeah. I did not because there's not a lot of good Wi-Fi where I was going.

So I just, I stayed away. I consume mostly online media for news. I don't watch TV. And so we were watching local TV at night. And so it'd be like, they just opened a bank down the street.

And you're just like, you were like, Jim Bob's having a sale. You look at, I'm just like, that's adorable. They sell hats here. You know what's funny about that though?

It's like, in many ways, that news is more relevant. Right? In many ways, it's like, here's this thing that happened in Venezuela. You're like, fuck.

What do I do? Or there's a shooting that happened. There's a new bank. You're like, well, I could go to that bank. It's right down the street. Actually, that's useful information that I could act on. Whereas instead, it's like, Russia killed him. Like, okay, what do I

do? Feel anxious. That's what I started doing. I'll tell you, the mass shootings are just like that. There was that one guy who says, bury it on the back page or whatever, and all you got to do is just only have the local people report on it, and that's it. Never mention the person's name. There's value to that.

There's value to that, to not turn that person into a celebrity and, you know, not mention it outside of where those people were killed.

Yeah. I took a news break when I was in Fiji because you can't not do that. Sure, yeah. That's it. Like,

and it was so relaxing. Mm-hmm. And I don't dislike, like, I don't get a sense of, like, real specific anxiety, like, day to day. Like, I don't get news. Yeah, you don't get a sense of like a real specific anxiety, like day to day.

Like I don't get a panic attack or something. Yeah. But like, it just, it just adds to like, like there's this weird stress that it adds to your life where it's like, things aren't going well in Venezuela. And you're like,

well, I know that now. Yeah. Yeah. God damn it. You know, I don't know what to do about it. And,

and it's, what's interesting is, uh, my wife will put on Rachel Maddow to watch. And, uh, when that comes on some nights, I'm just not in,

I don't want to, I don't want to see it. I just don't want to, I don't there's cause every day there's a new scandal every day. There's new thing. And, you know, they,

they spend most of their time talking about the Trump presidency. Right. So like the Rachel Maddow most of their time talking about the Trump presidency, right? So like the Rachel Maddow show is essentially just talking about the Trump presidency. So guaranteed, you're going to be frustrated. Guaranteed, there's going to be a moment during that broadcast that you're going to be frustrated. So why put yourself,

sometimes it's tough to put yourself through. So I know when people say I'm fatigued by this, I understand where they come from. Sometimes I'm fatigued by it. I know that they come from. Sometimes I'm fatigued by it. I know that in the past, you and I talked about how sometimes we walk away from stories because they're so horrible. Right. And I know I've done that many times.

But yeah, like sometimes you just get fatigued. You're like, God damn it, man. I read the news twice a day. I read it every morning. It was one of the first things I do is read the news. And then I'll read the news again. I use Flipboard, you know. So then I'll read the news again, usually at some point in the late afternoon or early evening, depending on how the day goes. I'll go catch up

on anything that I might've missed. And I, like, I enjoy doing that. Like, I feel like, okay, this is kind of, it's just part of my day. I like to know what's going on in the world. You want to plug in. Yeah. Yeah. Right. But I realized when I don't do it, how much I'm less, I realize when I don't do it, how much I'm less like, I'm just calmer. Like, it's just, it's easier. Sure. And I do wonder about that idea. Like, I remember Neil Postman from a million years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, how to watch TV news. And one of the things he said is like, you know, like local news matters because it's like, there's a bank down the street. Yeah. I might go to that bank. And it's like, at some point, like this extension of the global, of the idea of global news. Sure. Like it's real hard to parse out

what parts actually matter. Yeah. And what parts are just like, well, now my asshole's clenched. Yeah. And I don't know what to do about that. I'm like,

I can put carbon in there. I got a diamond out of it. You absolutely worry though. I know I'm worried about the people in Venezuela. Like I am worried about. Right. Like I'm worried about their well-being and what happens to them. I'm worried about the people in Venezuela. Like I am worried about, right. Like I'm worried about their,

their wellbeing and how the, what happens to them. I am worried about those. I am too. I guess my point is like my worry doesn't do anything. Right. And I, and I recognize that too.

There's, there's a, there's a level at which like, how much do I need to know about the world suffering? You know, how much ignorance is bliss in some ways and how much should I be informed about this stuff to help do something if I can. Right. And I was, there's a, there's a, you know, how much ignorance is bliss in some ways, and how much should I be informed about this stuff to help do something if I can? Right, and I was thinking... There's a

balancing act there. And I was thinking, like, if I have a hundred caring about shit units in my life, if I spent them all locally, would I affect more change? It's an interesting question. I don't know the answer to that, but it's interesting. But I wonder about that, like. Because would I care

more about that guy down the street who doesn't have any money for his car payment? You know what I mean? Maybe I'd give a shit more about things I could change instead of feeling helpless in general and being like, it's all fucked. So instead of giving you the Red Cross, you're giving him

modest needs in a way. Yeah. And where do I put my attention? You know? Yeah. Because I wonder if at some point you just don't do anything because it's all too much. Because you're tired.

Yeah. Because you're tired. Yeah. So let's get fucked up and talk about some world politics. You know what we should do is talk about world politics. The best way to transition away

from that Tom is to talk about world politics. Well, but this one, here's the counter to that is it helps you vote. Yeah, this one helps you vote. This one helps you vote. And, you know, if Saudi Arabia does develop a nuclear program because we help them, those missiles will eventually be local. They will.

So I think local news will be important. All atoms are local. There's yet another Trump administration scandal brewing, and it's a doozy. This is from the Washington Post. So here we go. That the Trump administration is deeply, profoundly corrupt is not in question. But there are layers to that corruption that we have barely begun to explore. We're now learning of an absolutely shocking story that shows how so many people in Trump's

orbit see his presidency as an opportunity for personal enrichment and how that corruption may be. Read here is warping US policy. Let's stop there for a second. This is, I think, politics in a nutshell today. I mean, it's hard not to look at politics across the board as corporations. I mean, even just talking about corporations, not just individuals, because they're talking about individuals here that are trying to enrich themselves.

Some of these people are already billionaires, which doesn't make any sense to me at all. That washes right over. I'm like, dude, you have so much money, you literally can't even spend it all. And you're still trying to make more money. We've talked about this and I don't, like, I know that some of it is just scorekeeping. But like, if you're scorekeeping to the point of like, you're willing to burn the world, like you're willing to like, to get your own score to be higher. Cause it, it cannot be about the actual money. It can't be about the money. It can't be about how much you can't be like pulling out your receipts and you're, you know, that's the cock you're measuring against your friends. If you have a, if you have a thousand million dollars,

you have a billion dollars, you have a thousand million dollars, that money makes money faster than any sane person could possibly dream of spending that money. You can't spend faster than your money makes money. What does that make? What does that make? That's 300, it's 300, like, what is it? $3 million a year or something like that? I mean, at the weakest level, it's like $3, $4 million a year. If you are an idiot, if you're just a completely incompetent human being and you invested a billion dollars and oh my God, let's say you only got a...

4%. A 2.5% return. Okay. I mean, it's $25 million. That's even more than I thought. I was actually not... I was one zero off. Yeah, it's 25. I was an order of magnitude off. That's what I mean, it's $25 million. That's even more than I thought. I was actually not, I was one zero off. I was an order of magnitude off. That's what I mean.

You can't spend your money, $25 million. Like you're spending, if you spend $2 million a month, you'd still have gained a million dollars. What do you buy for? And the thing is, is like, what people don't understand is like, what else do you have to buy?

That's like the whole point. All I need is, all I need is one of those months. Yeah. All I need is a month like that. And I can basically, so patrons, if you're listening,

one $25 million, $25 million patron. And I will tell you $25 million patron. I will do things for that money. I will. I'll suck your dick on TV. I will. Like, I don't care at all. I'll eat your ass without money. I will... I'll suck your dick on TV. I will. Like, I don't care at all.

I'll eat your ass without baby wipes. I'm telling you right now. $25 million is a lot of money. I'll let you brand your name with a fucking curling iron onto my ass. Cigarettes. I don't care. $25 million? You can dye cigarettes out of the head of my cock. Are you kidding me? $25 million? I'll tell you what.

The answer is yes, and I'm not concerned about your question. I know the people that are judging me right now and being like, oh, just ask yourself. $25 million? I'll tell you what. The answer is yes, and I'm not concerned about your question. I know the people that are judging me right now and being like, oh, just ask yourself. $25 million is more money than you or your family could spend, you know, ever.

I have been just waiting for a chance to sell out. It's just that nobody's willing to buy. You know, George, I know you listen because I hung up on that one lady one time,

George Soros. So I know $25 million to you, you don't even have to think about it. So just one-time patron, George. Be a $25 million patron lady one time, George Soros. I know $25 million to you. You don't even have to think about it. Just one-time patron, George. Be a $25 million patron just one time. Wait, don't we want a $50 million patron? Because we go splitsies, you and I. All I need is $125 million.

Are you going to kill me? We're going to Hunger Games that shit in the studio. I'm going to tie a shotgun to the door. Two men enter. You don't even tell me. We get the patron. You don't mention. I open the door. I delete the email. Ba-doom.

I'm laying there dying, and I'm like, congratulations. I hire Ian to kill you. He jumps out of a bush, and he throws a throwing star in your back. I see Ian on my back, and I'm just like, ah, walking around for like three days. Just like, he's so clingy. This guy walks up to you. He's like, I don't want to alarm you, but you got hipsters.

My shirt feels tight. Was my shirt over tight? It's like getting, dropping the shower with him. Still like, he's still, he's still trying to, I will say,

it's not just individuals though, right? Like it's corporations do this. They, they enrich themselves by convincing politicians through large donations and all this other lobbying stuff

to do things for them. They got guys for this. I got a guy for this. I got a guy I can go ask. If you want to ask like, is our children learning? Is our politics corrupt? I love that. Is our children learning?

Like if you want to ask like how corrupt are our politics corrupt? I love that. Is our children learning? Like, if you want to ask, like, how corrupt are our politics? You just have to talk about the existence of a lobbying group. Yeah. Oh, what do you do? Well, I work for ABC Corp or a conglomerate of similar industry corps. And what we do is we give a shit ton of money in campaign contributions. And in exchange, we get an audience with the king. We get to, yeah, I get to sit in your court.

Right. Yeah. Well, that seems like that's bribery. Yeah. Well, no. No. What we call it is a contribution. Well, can I spend that contribution?

Yeah, pretty much like on virtually anything you want. Yeah. Yeah. There's plenty of loopholes for you to spend. Think about all the write-offs. It's like, well, this is for my business expense. And I have to travel to all the cool places. Yeah. There's plenty of loopholes for you to spend. Think about all the write-offs. It's like, well, this is for my business expense and I have to travel to all the cool

places. Home. I'm going to give a speech. Here. Right. Yeah. Come the fuck on. Well, I don't know if this is true, but I thought I heard talking to somebody who was going to be a lobbyist. That was their plan. They were going to school and they were going to be a lobbyist. And they were saying something that was really weird,

esoteric rules around what lobbyists can and can't do. One of them is you can buy someone's lunch, but you can't sit down and eat it. So you could buy them a food cart lunch, I guess. I don't know. I couldn't figure out what it meant. So can you buy somebody a food truck? Just buy them the food truck? Just buy them a food truck.

Or you could eat their ass. That's the other thing you could do too, I guess. I know you don't like Mexicans, but I bought you a taco truck. I tossed your salad. It's fine. But, you know, corporations do this all the time. And it's so funny because there's plenty of ways to enrich yourself. Getting money out of politics, I think, changes politics

in a drastic, drastic way. And the thing is that it makes me laugh is like it wouldn't be, it's out of politics, I think, changes politics in a drastic, drastic way. And the thing is that it makes me laugh is like, it wouldn't be, it's not a challenging, it's like so many of these things, right? It's a challenging problem to fix and that the people who are, who would be responsible for fixing it don't have an incentive to fix it. Yeah, there's no incentive. It's not intellectually challenging to fix, right? Like, the solutions are readily at hand.

It's not like, it's like when Trump was like, nobody ever knew how hard health insurance was. Did you guys know that we had a problem with healthcare? It's not like that at all. No. It's super easy. It's not difficult. It's super easy.

Like you could put like three or four common sense solutions in place and fix 99% of it. Pretty easy, yeah. So I keep reading. We begin with a company called IP3 International. IP3. IP figures very heavily in the Trump administration.

Described as, quote, a private company that has assembled a consortium of other U.S. companies to build nuclear power plants in Saudi Arabia. IP3, which has an all-star team of former generals

and federal officials on its staff. Isn't that crazy? Let's just stop there for a second. Former generals and officials, Trump officials on the staff and board. Yeah. What does that say?

I mean, like, like they basically jumped ship. This happens all the time in politics. Oh yeah. Somebody jumped ship from their, their job that they had for, you know,

Mitch McConnell will be on a board somewhere. Some conservative. All these guys turn into lobbyists, right? He's going to, or he's going to be like the, you know, the CFO of some a board somewhere. Some conservative. All these guys turn into lobbyists, right? He's going to, or he's going to be like the, you know, the CFO of some kind.

You know what I mean? Like they're going to have, they're going to have him do something. He's going to get paid and seen about a month. Well, I mean, think about how valuable somebody with all those connections. Yeah.

I mean, like they, they basically walk into a company. They're like, I am networked. I am fucking, I'm a walking LinkedIn. I am so fucking network. Yeah. I'm so networked. I'm mad, I'm a walking LinkedIn. I am so fucking networked.

I'm so networked, I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore. That's how fucking networked I am. I'm mad as hell. I'm not going to take it anymore. I'm so networked, I fucking plugged into the Matrix and learned Kung Fu this afternoon. That's how fucking networked I am.

My new name is Cisco. That's how, I can dance. I'm so networked, i have 404 tattooed on all-star team of former generals and federal officials on its staff and board is pushing hard on the trump administration to approve its plan to build these reactors despite the lengthy process required to transfer nuclear technology abroad and according to the oversight committee's report they had help here Here's a piece from that Oversight Committee report.

A key proponent of this nuclear effort was General Michael Flynn. Weird. That's weird. Where's he at now? No good times. Okay. Yeah. Has he been sentenced yet or no? I don't know if he's been sentenced. I remember that they put his sentencing off because the guy was so mad at him, he was just going to basically shoot him in the face.

Do you remember? He's like, I'm so mad at you. It's like when you're like so mad at your kids, you're like, hold me back from going in that room before I fucking kill. I will ground that kid

until he turns dead. That's how fucking long he will be gone. I will take away, I will take away the fucking breaker that feeds electricity to his room

and I will beat him from three to 430 every day. I will take away the breaker that feeds electricity to his life support system. I'm so mad at him. Right.

Who described himself in filings as an advisor to a subsidiary of IP3, Iron Bridge Group. This is the other thing, is these companies have companies have companies, right? And that allows for a tremendous amount of obfuscation when it comes to like protection. Yeah. From June 2016 to December of 2016.

Oh, at the same time, he was serving as Donald Trump's national security advisor. I inserted the oh, in case you're wondering about editorialization. Sick or whatever. I don't know. During the presidential campaign and the presidential transition. And according to whistleblowers, General Flynn continued to advocate for the adoption of the IP3 plan, not only during the transition,

but even after he had joined the White House as President Trump's National Security Advisor. Again, my voice going up in anger and incredulity is the only portion of editorializing. Yeah, the font, and they didn't do all caps at the end there. They should have,, oh my God.

What the fuck, man? So, this is from the piece again. So, Flynn is working with this company while he's also working for the Trump campaign and transition. He then gets into the White House and has a chance to push the company's plan to build dozens of nuclear plants in Saudi Arabia. You know, we have a relationship with Saudi Arabia, which is and has been, since I have been politically aware, almost impossible to understand.

Saudi Arabia is one of the worst countries on earth. I'll say this without any hesitation. Saudi Arabia is, in almost every conceivable way, as bad as North Korea. Yeah, absolutely. Worse than Iran. It is a country that is oppressive to the point of near farcical. It is a horror. And it has gotten nothing but, I mean, I'll give you the greatest example, right? If you want an example of how awful this country is and how preferential we

treat them despite the fact that they are one of the worst nations on earth. 19 of their citizens flew fucking planes into our buildings and we attacked Afghanistan instead. We attacked a different country. Right? 19 of their citizens were engaged, were the hostage takers and the hijackers of 9-11, 19 Saudi Arabians. And we said, that's cool. Why don't you guys all get on these airplanes and leave our country safely? I know that Osama bin Laden was actually a Saudi Arabian citizen. And instead of any repercussions at all to Saudi Arabia, we're like, well, what we'd like to do is buy your oil. Don't worry about it. We'll beat up your brother. We'll go up to the Arabia. We're like, well, what we'd like to do is buy your oil. Yeah. Don't worry about it.

We'll beat up your brother. We'll go up to the Taliban. You know, when the 19, 19 people dissect a building downtown, 19 of their citizens dissected Khashoggi. Yeah.

And we didn't do anything about it. We didn't do anything about it. We just said, well, I'm not sure. I'm not sure. And the reason why isn't because Trump is stupid. The reason why is because

Trump has been told by everybody that you can't fucking burn that bridge. So he probably doesn't even care. I don't know if he cares or not. I don't know either. But it doesn't matter. I don't know. Because they're never going to burn that bridge. I don't know that caring is a thing that he enters into that equation.

Yeah. Saudi Arabia is the most oppressive and protected regime on earth. Because the other major oppressive regimes are nowhere near as well protected as Saudi Arabia. Saudi Arabia lives outside the normal international controls around humanitarian events. They have a witch brigade there or whatever. They're an awful country. Half of their population, half of their population is systematically oppressed. Yeah. And we're just like, yeah, but they got a lot of oil.

Yeah, they're real rich. And they're real rich because we give them money. Yeah. And then we, for their fucking oil. And then we turn around and beg for their money back for these fucking nuclear reactors. Yeah. We're going to give a country from which all of these terrorists

came. We're going to give them nuclear reactors? How many of the fucking 9-11 hijackers were from Iran? Our panties are in a twitch about this. It's a great question because we went out of our way to squash the deal with Iran, which was keeping them

out of the suitcase nuke business. That deal was actually showing that we could keep them out of that business. But instead we put them right back in it because we pulled all that shit. We said, no, now the rest of the world still wants to keep them in it. So the rest of the world did not follow suit

with Donald Trump. They're just like, nope, we're going to still trade and do shit with you because we want to make sure that you stay out of the suitcase business. But you're looking at a bunch of guys here that worked for the Trump administration, a bunch of former fucking generals who should fucking know better. They're willing to trade because these guys are all old. These are all old fuckers.

They're willing to trade all this shit for some money now. Give me some money now. This is a reverse mortgage on the rest of us. Yeah, right? That's what it is. They're reverse mortgaging the world because they're going to put nuclear weapons possibly. Now, it's just right now, it's just nuclear technology to understand power plants, right? But that bridge, that technological bridge is really, really low.

Yeah. That's always been a concern that we had that same concern in Iran. But where's the oversight though? That's the difference, right? The oversight was there to pay attention to them and that all reports were pointing to that that oversight was working. Now, where's the oversight? Because this is a trusted ally. Where's the oversight? Who's the next suitcase nuke that makes its way into Israel that all these people jerk off on? I am literally unable to understand how we can use the word ally and Saudi Arabia in the same sentence. And everybody is in outrage.

Like, Saudi Arabia's war in Yemen has created one of the worst humanitarian crises of my lifetime. We'll never hear about it here. We never hear about it. Because Saudi Arabia backs it. Yep. And somehow they're like totally our buddy. And I've been thinking about this over the last few weeks. I kind of don't get it. I kind of got it in the 90s and we were like, well, we buy a lot of oil. Yeah. But we're becoming increasingly oil independent. So now I'm baffled, right? Now

there's a part of me that's looking around like, there's a lot more oil than there was in the 90s. Like, we have a lot more ways to extract oil from the world. There's not more oil. Please don't send me your fucking emails about how it's a finite resource.

But there is more available oil. We found more. We found more. Right. Yes, there's more available for us to grab. So, I really don't want that email. You're going to get...

Really don't want it. Somebody, if you're going to send it, send it to Tom at DissonancePod.com. That doesn't even... Is that even an email? Tom, I was just trying to save email. You're going to get- Really don't want it. Somebody, if you're going to send it, send it to Tom at DissonancePod.com. That doesn't even- Is that even an email? Tom, I was just trying to save you. I appreciate it.

I was just trying to save you, bro. Send it to Ian at DissonancePod.com. Fuck off, Ian. That is an email. But like, I don't understand why we would even like- We don't need you anymore. If the rationale before was a rationale of pragmatism. I think you're looking at it like a country, though. You should be looking at it like

individuals. Individuals run this country. Individuals are the ones who decide our policy. And those individuals can become very rich if they're friends with Saudi Arabia. And those individuals are the ones who choose our policy. And that's how you've got to start looking at it. It's not good for us as a country, because we don't care as a country.

What we care as, individuals who are part of an administration. Isn't that amazing? I think that's how you've got to start looking at it. It's not good for us as a country because we don't care as a country, but we care as individuals who are part of an administration. Isn't that amazing? I think that's how you got to look at it. Yeah. These guys are, they're like, yeah,

I can enrich myself with this relationship with these evil fucking people. Yeah. They are evil. Oh yeah. Saudi Arabia is an evil, like there's no,

there's no equivocation that we should ever have. They chased a girl that was trying to leave their country. They chased her to another country to try to fuck it. And they dragged her back. They hog tied her back on the airplane. And she's living on a farm somewhere in Saudi Arabia.

Very happy. Whatever. All the time. She goes to school and stuff. I mean, we are unwilling as a nation to condemn Saudi Arabia as an evil country. And it's baffling to me. Is it because they're rich?

And they all have nice shit? You can be evil and have nice shit. It's because they help people out here, I think. They can pay them money. It's real easy to condemn North Korea, right? Because they're all poor. And there's a part of us that's like, ah, it's not working. And there's a part that I think like looks at Saudi Arabia and is like, well, it's working.

You know, there's a lot of wealth there. The country is working, you know. That's because that's how we measure. We measure whether something is good. As if it's wealthy. Right. There's plenty of things that are wealthy. Right.

That are not worth it. Yeah. This is also from that oversight committee report. that are not worth it. Yeah. This is also from that oversight committee report. Career staff warned that any transfer of nuclear technology must comply with the Atomic Energy Act, that the United States and Saudi Arabia

would need to reach a 1-2-3 agreement, and that these legal requirements could not be circumvented. Mr. Harvey reportedly ignored these warnings and insisted that the decision to transfer nuclear technology to Saudi Arabia had already been made. That ship has sailed, motherfucker. It's like, oh, we should have some oversight. Well, we should have,

is what you are meaning to say. Do you remember how many people got their panties in a bunch and blamed, what was it, they blamed Hillary for like uranium or whatever? Oh, yeah, because there was, because a falsely reported story about like, oh, I gave away like 98% of our uranium.

Do you remember how many people had their fucking panties in a bunch? Yeah. Where's all those fucking right-wingers talking about this? And it's because we don't look at Saudi Arabia as a state sponsor of terrorism. Right. Again, crazily, despite all of the hijackers and

the mastermind of that hijacking being Saudi citizens. Yeah. Somehow we look at them as like, well, I mean, that's just a weird go winky dinky. It's crazy. Anyway, we don't look at hijackers come from anywhere. We look at them differently because we refuse

to look at them. Both career and political staff inside the White House reportedly agreed that Mr. Harvey's directive could violate the law. One senior political official stated that the proposal was, quote, not a business plan, but rather, quote, a scheme for these generals to make some money. That official stated, okay, you know we cannot do this. Yet just days after the president's inauguration, IP3 officials sent documents directly to General Flynn for President Trump to approve, including a draft cabinet memo stating that the president

had appointed Mr. Barack as a special representative to implement the plan and directing agencies to support Mr. Barack's efforts. Mr. Barack is the billionaire. This is where the billionaire enters the ring. So why was Barack Trump's billionaire friend involved? Well, he too was a big booster of IP3 and had himself explored buying a piece of Westinghouse, which makes nuclear reactors. Oh, so it's like insider trading. Meanwhile, inside the White House, there's apparently a small war going on with NSC staffers on one side and Harvey, assisted by the IP3 personnel with whom he was in contact, as well as the since-fired Flynn on the other. Flynn on the other. The NSC staff kept reporting Harvey's actions to the council's legal advisor, who kept telling him that they were not to work on the IP3 plan since it circumvented the process for such projects and presented huge conflicts of interest for some of the officials involved.

But not everyone got the message. Here's an account from a March 15th, 2017 meeting involving Deputy National Security Advisor KT McFarland, quote, Ms. McFarland stated that Mr. Barack had done an amazing job managing President Trump's inaugural committee and raising donations for Mr. Trump. She noted that Mr. Barack had longstanding and extensive business ties across the Middle East. Ms. McFarland stated that President Trump told Mr. Barack that he could lead implementation of the Middle East Marshall Plan. Also, Rick Gates, I know.

Also, Rick Gates, the former deputy to Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort, an admitted criminal and a cooperator with special counsel Robert S. Mueller III's investigation, was by now working for Barack and helping to set this whole thing up. In January of 2018, Brookfield Business Partners, a subsidiary of Brookfield Asset Management, announced its plans to acquire Westinghouse Electric for $4.6 billion. Westinghouse Electric is the bankrupt nuclear services company that is part of IP3's proposed consortium to build nuclear reactors in Saudi Arabia, and which stands to benefit from the Middle East Marshall Plan.

In August of 2018, Brookfield Asset Management purchased a partnership stake in 666 Fifth Avenue, a building owned by Jared Kushner's family company. Oh, that's just unreal. And they're going to go on here in a second to tell you about how this building was just a fucking, it was like they massively overpaid for this building. It's a money sink. It's a money sink. It's a money sink. And then they,

they wind up paying a ton of money at the height of the real estate bubble they paid for this. And then this Brookfield agreed to a 99 year lease paid all up front.

Yeah. So that doesn't sound shady. All right. So this building that's underwater, they're like, don't worry, we'll basically buy it

because a lot of property is effectively bought with 99 year leases. That's how you buy property in Hawaii, for example, and in many metropolitan areas. Chicago has 99-year leases, so there are leaseholds that are bought and sold instead of fee-simple interest, which are bought and sold. I see. So it's just a different mechanism to bandy back and forth property, right? So it's just a

distinction. In case you aren't aware, 666 Fifth Avenue in New York isn't just any building. It's the building that nearly destroyed the Kushner family's business, a building for which they massively overpaid to the tune of $1.8 billion at the height of the real estate bubble and one they've been trying for years to unload to get rid of the crushing debt that it took to buy it. Brookfield agreed to purchase a 99-year lease on the building, paid all up front. And for all intents and purposes, this was a bailout of Kushner companies. And we can't say for sure why Brookfield bailed out the Kushners. Maybe it was just a smart business decision. Maybe it had nothing to do with the potential for Westinghouse Electric

to build nuclear reactors in Saudi Arabia, or Kushner's influence with the president and his friendship with Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman. But this issue is being discussed in the White House to this day. Quote, on February 12, 2019, it was reported that President Trump participated in a White House meeting with private nuclear power developers

initiated by IP3 International. The meeting was reported to include discussions about U.S. efforts to secure agreements to share U.S. nuclear technology with Middle East nations, including Jordan and Saudi Arabia. Jesus fucking Christ. Participants reportedly included Rear Admiral Hewitt

and General Keane from IP3, as well as representatives from Westinghouse, General Electric, Exelon, Newscale, TerraPower, Lightbridge, ACOM, BWXT, Centris Energy Corp, and X Energy. Those all sound like companies that sell fucking products for snowboarding. Don't they?

Like the fucking X Games providers. Get an X Energy drink. It's amazing. It's got bear claws in it. Radium. Even before Trump got elected, people with dollar signs in their eyes have swarmed around him knowing that the rules and laws, and this is really important,

were no longer going to be an impediment to cashing in. And in this case, even his senior White House officials were warning that the whole thing violated the law they pressed on. After all, there's a potential for millions or even billions

of dollars to be made. That, I think, is the part of this article that beyond just the fact that we're all deeply, deeply less safe with a nuclear empowered, no matter how that works, empowered Saudi Arabia, despite the fact that that is aggressively against our national best interests, against international peace

interests. Once Trump got in, people recognized like, okay, the rules don't apply. The fact that he is dishonest, the fact that he is corrupt, the fact that he has business ties, which have never been dissolved since he took office, the fact that he's still tied internationally to many foreign nations, this basically meant like he could be used. Yeah. He could be leveraged because money is still, money is more important than anything else. And as soon as you have a president that can be leveraged by the interests of international companies and international consortiums,

our interests as a people, our interests as citizens are being subverted. And I know it's not hilarious, but it's really upsetting. It's upsetting. But, you know, it's because it's because we look at all the different stuff that comes out on Trump,

all the different little things that pop out on Trump, all these little scandals that pop up. And I feel like these scandals exist because he's so easy to manipulate, right?

He's so easy because he's, like you say, he's got his finger in all these pies and, you know, and he's got people peeing on him, whatever, you know what I mean? Like, he's so easy because he's like you say he's got his finger in all these pies and you know and he's got people peeing on whatever you know what i mean like he's easy to exploit um stormy daniels uh you know he's a he's a he's like a walking seven deadly sins right

he's like sloth and greed and you know and and lust and he's all of these things. And that makes him so easy, so easy to manipulate. And people just find a way to do it. And there's so many people that are just ringing the register bell, just click, click, click, and getting rich off of this. They're gonna, especially if any of this stuff goes through. I'm glad that the Washington Post is reporting on this. So all of us at least get to know about it maybe before some real things happen. But how many times has this been reported beforehand? And this has been going on for a couple of years now. Yeah.

And this is the first time I'm hearing about it. I do want to point out one thing though. They use a term in this that I absolutely love. And I just want to read it aloud. It says, Harvey was later fired by Flynn's successor and then went to work for Trump, Lickspittle, representative Devin Nunez. I know that they love to throw around the cuck word, but Lickspittle is so much better than cuck. It's so much better. Lickspittle should be the new word

that you call these people. I love it. Oh, I love it. Oh my gosh. There's nothing better than that. There's no better way to say toady and really kind of give like some visceralness. Oh, it's such a good word. Yeah. That word has viscosity. I like it. Do you like to fuck? Well, the guys at Cognitive Dissonance want to help you out.

It doesn't matter if you fuck yourself, someone else, or lots of someone else's. Their sponsor, AdamandEve.com, has all kinds of things to make fucking more interesting and more fun. Right now at AdamandEve.com, if you type in GLORY at checkout, you get 50% off almost any item, a free sex swing, and free shipping. AdamandEve.com. Treat your genitals to a good time. This story is from Right Wing Watch. This is Laura Loomer. It's almost like Democrats want

little girls to get raped. I read that and I thought, what do you mean almost? It's very true. It's very true. That's horrible. Alright, so this is on Bill Mitchell's show. He has two ladies on it. Laura Loomer and Karen Turk. Can I just say real quick, nobody in the world looks

as smug as Bill Mitchell. Bill Mitchell has this cat that caught the canary look all the time. He's just smug as a motherfucker. I just fucked my neighbor's cat look and they didn't find out. Every time. Alright, so this is Bill Mitchell from his show. Your voice, the silent

majority. God, what a terrible name. Oh, my God. Well, look, for all of us who were watching the State of the Union the other night, the thing that really stuck out the most to me was just watching the facial expressions of the Democrat candidates when Donald Trump was talking about how, look, you guys, we've really curbed human trafficking. Look, guys, we've increased harsher penalties for people who rape and abuse women. And then the Democrats were just shaking their head and they were all sad about that. It's almost like they want people in this country. They want little girls to get raped.

They want- Or it's almost like you've literally done nothing to curb human trafficking. Sure. And I don't think there are federal penalties for rape. Rape is a crime which is prosecuted at the state level. There are no... Rape is not a federal crime. So the president himself cannot institute any federal sentencing guidelines to make the sentences harsher

for rapists. That's a stupid fucking thing to say. It'd be like if they were saying, like, look, the president was up there saying he fist fought all the Nazis in the world and gave them a five-figure death punch and all their heads exploded. And you just shook your head. So that means you want to sign up for the SS.

Yeah, right. Because you didn't believe what our president had to say. You are therefore on the other side. It's just so funny. It's exactly right. And the other thing, too, is I'll just be honest about this. It's a false equivalency. It's so stupid.

I don't believe anything he says as my default position. Sure, yeah, right. Like, the man could come out and say anything. There's no benefit of the doubt that Trump has from me any longer. I saw this thing, obviously he's always getting fact-checked, right? And there was like 7,000 untrue or misleading statements. Yeah, that doesn't surprise me. And I was like, I can't.

The benefit of the doubt, I don't care what you say. Yeah. Maybe I'm even wrong. Yeah. Maybe he has curbed human trafficking. I wouldn't stand up and clap. It's not because I'm pro-human trafficking. It's because no part of me believes that while he fucking strokes his dick in front of everybody about all this great shit that he's done. No part of me believes that he did any of it.

Yeah. So you roll your eyes. Yeah. Just like they did. Yeah. Everybody shrugs and like, okay, great story. Cool story, bro. Yeah.

I'm sure you fucked that girl at Niagara Falls. I know. It's really fucking great. Yeah. Tell me in detail how you touched her tits and they felt like a bag of sand. Amazing. Let me smell your fingers. Yeah.

Women to be sexually abused. They want people to die from fentanyl overdoses. They want dangerous MS-13 animals. And yes, I said animals because they are animals, you know? Yeah, you can. Well, here's the thing, man. People that are criminals, that are awful criminals that do evil shit, you

can call them animals. But what you don't want to do is lump all immigrants in that group and say they're animals. Right. Because there are a few people from MS-13 that came through. That's what you don't want to do. But you're too fucking stupid to realize that you think that somebody on this side doesn't think that those people are bad. That's what you're equating it to. You're saying, oh, well, clearly the Democrats don't think the MS-13 is bad. No, you're just framing the argument like a fucking idiot. I love it. It's like, well, I hauled out example after example. It's like, yeah, there's 320 million

people here. So, you know, if you brought 13 out, it still doesn't actually mean anything. Like, when we don't look at things with perspective, you don't look at things. It's not meaningful to look at individual cases unless individual cases are representative

of larger truths yeah but like we don't do that because we're dumb people like we're dumb people are like every anecdote means that that happened every time like no plural of anecdotes is not evidence yes yeah right uh they they want these people to commit crimes in this country and it really is sick and it really is yeah sure yeah that's exactly what we want i do you think that do you think they believe that that there's a group of people that's like you know i actually don't care like even as a person in the world who either is a woman or loves somebody who's a woman like i don't care if people get raped i have a worldview that's like

yeah whatever sometimes some people get raped. Nobody thinks that. Just get raped. Nobody but rapists think that. I'm absolutely right there with you. I think I don't know whether they believe it or not. I think that they tend to do I think they tend to believe it, though. I think, you know, there's a perfect

example of the last, like, that one tweet that came out when they showed when they were talking about a late term abortion, which never, which doesn't happen or happens so infrequently or happens only when, you know, there's some really real major danger to the mother. It happens at those times. And, and they, they posted the image of those women sitting down. The reason they're sitting down is because they all know it doesn't happen at the regularity in which you're claiming. They all know that's, that it the regularity in which you're claiming.

They all know that it's not a child, that it's going to be massively deformed or that the woman's going to be in grave danger. And so that's why they're not standing up applauding for this stuff, because you're basically saying you chased the bears out of the kitchen. Yeah, exactly. Good for you. Do you get the text messages that, like, we will send you to a link for Trump's performance? They're the funniest thing ever. No. From the Trump campaign, right? And then the Trump campaign sends out regular questionnaires.

And the questions are always phrased in the- Oh, I was stopping your wife stuff? Yeah. So when did you stop beating your wife? They're always like, do you approve of trump's uh you know performance in fixing the economy you know and it's like well he hasn't fixed the economy what am i supposed to say though yeah like if you say no it's like well i don't approve of fixing the economy right they're always that's always phrased in this like gotcha sort of sure manner yeah it's like the like i'm

not gonna i would not stand up and applaud you lying to me. Right, right. Like who would stand up and be like, well, you got me on that lie. Well phrased. Oh, you got me in a rhetorical trap. And now that changes the facts on the ground because I'm an idiot. Right, yeah. And you have to wonder, you have to wonder what the interest is

or what the benefit is for these Democrats in the end for them to support such barbaric things, for them to be against the president, even when he's making this country safer for these women. Not demonstrably at all. There's no evidence to prove that at all. You just said it. It's not true because you said it.

And they were talking about the statistics. It's not just Hispanic individuals who are coming over the border. Which we hate, by the way. We don't like them. We dislike them so much that we want to mention by the way. We don't like them. Which we hate. We dislike them so much that we want to mention it right now. It's not just them.

It's not just these bad people that are also Hispanic. But it's not just the, but they are the only ones that we are declaring a national emergency and building a great big wall to fix, right?

Yeah, it's only those. So it's not just, I'm not just worried about Hispanics, but I'm mostly going to stop the problem as it relates directly to Hispanics. Yeah. Right? Yeah.

It's the other majority of illegal immigration, which occurs not at the southern border, but is an overstay of illegally offered visa. But never mind. Let's fix the minority issue, but let's not... Let's not pay attention to any of those people from China

or other European countries that overstay their visa all the time. Let's not talk about that at all. Why are you saying those out loud? Illegally, right? Secretary Nielsen had statistics provided to Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi about ISIS infiltration, Islamic terrorist infiltration across our border. Border Patrol agents are finding prayer rugs and Korans in the border and terrorist materials. The fuck is a terrorist material? Fucking 747? Like, what is a terrorist material?

Like, Jihad magazine. Oh. Is there a centerfold in Jihad magazine? It's just a centerfold. Is it like this month's suicide vest? It's like you turn the page and the burqa's lifted like a quarter of an inch.

Like down at the bottom. Oh my God, I can see your eyelash. You turn it. Oh, I made. You turn it over and you think it's a ghost. You're just like, oh, no, it's this Jihad magazine, not Halloween magazine. The nice thing is they only have to take one picture and just keep using it every time. It's like, it's a new model.

Totally new. This is a different person, I promise. They just look over there like, hey, Bill, go get in the sheet. They didn't take another picture. They just put it on a mannequin. Yeah, exactly. They threw it on Gary.

How would you know? We should get a burka for Gary. Oh my gosh. That's the greatest thing we've both ever said. That's the most fucking awful thing we've ever done. I'm buying a burka tonight on the company credit card for Gary. I can't wait to have a burka shipped to my house and find out how that

affects my, I, you know what I can't wait for? I can't wait to keep cookies enabled and go shopping for a burka and find out what crazy shit happens to my online life. So your wife's going to find a, a, a burka in the backseat.

Who are you seeing? We're not seeing much of her. You are. Here's her burka. That's a different walk of shame, I'll tell you what. And Nancy Pelosi had, what did she say?

She said, I reject your facts. I reject your facts. So it's very sinister. It's very evil. And this is why. She probably rejects them because they have a history of not being true.

It's just not true. I don't even remember, Cecil, it's gotten so bad I don't remember what the article was relating to anymore. But I read something this last week where Jim Acosta it was Jim Acosta was arguing with Trump about

something and I can't remember what the substance was, but he was basically like, you don't believe your own department's statistics. I saw this. I saw this, yeah. And Trump was like, well, you know, I look at a lot of statistics. And Acosta was like, well, which ones are you specifically referring to? And he's like, I look at a lot of them. But you're not looking at the Department of Homeland Security statistics on this issue. And Trump was like, next question, fake news.

I read all the newspapers. Right. Yeah, exactly. It's the same fucking argument. So it's like, again, the benefit of the doubt is not there. All of them. I reject your numbers because you probably made them up. Yeah, that's exactly it.

I trumped you just declare a state of emergency because it is an absolute state of emergency in this country when you have leading members of the Democrat Party who are opposed to stopping human trafficking, opposed to keeping Americans safe from drug overdoses, opposed to stopping human trafficking and sexual crimes against young girls. You said human trafficking like three times in a row. Also, they're not opposed to these things. You stupid idiot. What they're talking about is like, like you think about it's like, okay, here's, here's my plan, Tom, to stop human trafficking. I am going to give all the ice, the ice people, the, the, the people who work for ice, I'm

going to give them butterfly nets and I'm going to give them these butterflies and they're going to run around and they're going to catch every human trafficker they see with these butterfly nets. And then you look at me, you're like, that's fucking stupid. I'm not paying for that. Like you're for human trafficking. No, I'm for fucking not funding your butterfly nets because they're stupid. That's what I'm not for. Well, yeah, because, but no, no, no. I mean, because the counter to that is, well, but if it let a thousand people in

and one of them is a human trafficker and I didn't catch that person, then, you know, that I could have stopped that human trafficking if I let nobody in. It's the zero-sum argument.

Let none of them in at all. Yeah, no, that's exactly it. And then you avoid. It's the abstinence. Let none of them in at all. Yeah, no, that's exactly right. Yeah. And then you avoid it. And like it's the abstinence only of immigration. Exactly. Yeah.

And it's funny because like, yes, it is technically true. Like, I'm not going to fight against that. Like, it's technically true. If we let nobody, if we close all of our borders and let nobody else in, then nobody from outside will ever do a bad, right? So yeah, absolutely. Is that true? Yes. Is that a practical reality that we live within?

And is that a reality we even want? Like, are we willing to actually pay the consequences for doing that, both in terms of what it means about us ethically and like what it would mean for us economically. And the answer is no. Yeah. But we pretend that this is this like binary argument. I mean, like, what if you let one person in and they chewed and spit their gum upon the sidewalk?

And you're just like. OK. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I would suck. I would hate to step in. I'll be gooey.

And I would be. I would be. I would be unpleasant. Yeah. But like, we don't have to have the argument like we're babies. Yeah. That would suck. I would hate to step in. I'd be gooey. And I would be unpleasant. Yeah. But like, we don't have to have the argument like we're babies. Yeah. Well, what is insane to me is that, you know, all the things you just said, absolutely true. We would turn away people that are looking for refugee status here in the United States.

They don't give a shit. They don't fucking care. They don't give a shit. I don't fucking care. Don't give a shit. These are people who are fleeing violence in their, in their country coming to try to find a safe place. You know, give us your tired, your poor,

your huddled masses. None of that's true. It's not true. What we want to do is we want to fucking, we want to go over to fucking Ellis Island and flip it like a fucking table. Yeah. That's what we want to do. We want to say no more.

Nobody comes in anymore. Well, I mean, we really should change our motto to I got mine, fuck off. Or we really should change our motto to feel free to overstay your visa from Europe. That's what we really should change our motto to. From Western Europe. Let's not get crazy.

Let's not get crazy. Let's not get crazy. Welcome back to our continuation of Vulgarity for Charity. We're still plugging along here and trying to get through all these roasts we have stockpiled. And this week, we're going to get some help. So welcome back to the show, the scathing, godless, skeptocrats, Heath, Eli, and Noah. I hate God so much. I hate him. I just hate him. It's so good to be here. It's our whole thing. All right, well, let's jump in, gentlemen. We got a couple people who wanted self-roasts.

Poor bastards. Eli, take the first one. Roast Jerry for Jerry. Oh, okay, great. I get the 74-year-old lifelong atheist with the 50-year marriage who happens to be a retired elementary school teacher. Didn't you have a war hero for me to roast? Or maybe a puppy?

I mean, here's the picture. Here's the picture. Oh, never mind. Sorry. Jerry, I don't know if you went to the beach in a Spartan helmet or if that's your face. Either way, I need you to even the red out, buddy. Tell people you're dressed as the Kool-Aid man or have a heart attack.

Whatever you need to do. You're like the avatar of every father who just found out his kid is gay. Like, you appear next to him and they're like, what? Alright, I'm going to roast Hastings for Hastings. You look like one of those guys that rides around in one of those miniature cars with the red hat. Molest kids.

I don't know what those people are called. Pedophiles, I think? Anyway, I guess those younger chicks like it when you refer to yourself in the third person. Really work for Bob Dole there, Hastings. Good for you. No, roast Kevin from the Nonprofits Podcast. Right.

Kevin, who I totally remember meeting. He's on the non-profits podcast, which is, by the way, one of the top seven most popular atheist podcasts produced by the atheist community of Austin. So congratulations for that. Kevin is one-third of their regular co-hosts, but seven-eighths of their regular forehead.

So he really pulls more than his weight. I'm sorry. Do you look like one of those novelty aliens from the 90s who's trying to hide among us using nothing but a Ron Weasley costume and some spray paint? Hey, buddy, your turn. Roast Adam.

Alright. Adam, wow. Okay. This is rough. Adam looks like he's cosplaying a cosplayer on a day off. Like, he bought a costume that also came with his mom's basement as a place to live

and an oversized Star Wars t-shirt with pre-installed undermoob sweat. They spray you if you're walking out. Tom, remember Sarah who applied to be our assistant? Remember how nice she was, Tom? Yeah Tom She wants to get roasted

I don't know why you want this Okay alright Hey Sarah you didn't get the job I get it you're out there in the world And you're trying to make a go of it but you know nobody wants you Nobody And here's the thing Rejection is always personal

Because at the end of the day it's always you that everyone is saying no to. And while there will be some people who will tell you a bunch of stupid bullshit to try to assuage your fears, they are each and every single time saying no to you personally. That's your no. That's not some idea of you, not some picture of you. It's you, and it's because you're not good enough. Sarah, I'm actually going to hire you now. Sarah, I'm going to hire you now. I'm going to figure out something for Sarah to do. Okay.

Sarah, call me. Sarah gets paid not to fucking sue us. That's what Sarah gets paid for. Sarah gets paid not to play that audio at a council meeting someday. Shift gears here. Let's hit a few politicians. Noah, give us a roast of Rick Scott

for Roger. Good pick, Roger. You gave me Max Headroom's skeleton. It's going to be so easy. Alright, so if you're wondering how Rick Scott maintains his deserted island physique, I should remind you

that he still carries a lot of guilt from biting off Frodo's finger. They were friends once. Jesus Christ. That man looks like if Dildo could get leukemia. It can.

All right. Next public servant. Washington representative Matt Shea for Daniel. Go for it, Eli. Oh, Matt Shea. Matt Shea looks like Alan Tudyk went into pedophilia instead of acting.

Y'all might remember Shea for his holy war manifesto that got uncovered, but I Google imaged him. He looks like the only place he wreaks havoc is the breakfast buffet. Stay away from the croissants and you're good. imaged him, he looks like the only place he wreaks havoc is the breakfast buffet. So, you know, stay away from the croissants and you're good. Heath, how about Kansas Secretary of State

Chris Kobach for Floyd? Fantastic pick, Floyd. Chris Kobach. Wow, okay. He looks like Stifler's racist uncle. Like a spokesmodel for the Proud Boys Senior Auxiliary. I feel like he's about to sell me Just for Proud Men hair color.

Senator Josh Hawley for Sarah. All right, Josh Hawley looks like that smiling MAGA hat kid, and like he's from missouri like imagine that what would that be like having to live your whole life knowing that you were from missouri and that that was on purpose because for real he graduated from yale and then moved back to missouri what are you hiding, Josh? All right, I'll go. I'll go after Jacob Rees-Mogg for Allison. Jacob Rees-Mogg looks like a younger Richard Dawkins

with an eating disorder. He's like only slightly more xenophobic though. All right, here we go. Time for another Swiping Round. It's time for our sweet and sour roasts. Each name will be preceded by a sweet or a sour, and the sweet roasts will be backhanded compliments and softball roasts for people who actually like the roasty

and sours, well, you go in guns blazing. Let's start this out right with a sour roast for Tom, Danny's dad's wife, Karen. All right, this one's for you, Karen. Karen, I hope you hear this. I hope you take this to heart because every morning that you wake up, the world is a little worse for having you in it.

You're the human version of a tick. You're a nuisance. Your contribution to the world is only for people to see you and argue amongst themselves about the best way to remove you from their lives with as little damage as possible. With tweezers. You get removed from lives with tweezers.

Suck it, Karen. A sweet one for Steven. His friend Drew. Eli, have at it. Okay, a sweet one. The way that Drew distracts everyone with his sweet body is distracting and dangerous. He's a menace.

Took me 45 minutes and three faps to write these two sentences. Four. Four faps. All right, let's shift a little. We're going to get a little sour. Heath, this one is for Mike, and it's roasting his mom who uses the N-word to describe all

the Mexicans that she hates. Lovely. Lovely. Okay, Mike's mom looks like Alfred E. Newman became a security guard at a segregated bingo hall. She's definitely about to tell

someone, our streets, even though nobody asked her anything noah you haven't gone yet so uh show your sweet side to jessica's sister sonia i have a sweet side okay um jesus how how sweet can i be to a person who looks like Ross Perot in drag? Okay. You look like a Ferengi, but you wear it well. They're strong. Crowd race. Look at my Ferengi chart. You left a toothache. No, for sure.

Okay. So let's rip in on David's brother, Jonathan, then. Give him a sour one. Okay. First of all, his name is Jonathan, and he wants people to use all of those syllables. Fuck you! And what's more, he looks like that. He looks like if the top button was a person.

Right? Amalgamated all the people you've ever met that fell for an MLM into one human. This is what you'd get. Jonathan. Top button was a person. That is such a. Jonathan. Top button was a person. That is such a good one.

Top button was a person. It's really good. Alright, time to turn on the sweetness. I'll take this roast of Laura's husband. Laura, I have a soft spot for dudes with long hair and beards. Judging by this photo, your husband has a lot of soft spots too. He looks like he's excited

to talk about a quilting class he just enrolled in. Tom, get sour on Elvin Engineer's parent. All right. Well, I've got a bit of a sore spot for bad parents because being a good parent

isn't hard work. We say it is, but it's not. It's not. It's occasionally a lot of work. It's often unwelcome work. It's frequently boring work, but it is not hard work. It's not aelcome work. It's frequently boring work, but it is not hard work.

It's not a massive amount of effort to hit the minimum, to be around, to be loving, to avoid overt cruelty, to be present for those moments that matter, to offer solace and comfort in the advice of a life lived, offered without judgment to those yet to live their own. Seriously, this is easy shit. That sounds exhausting. You can't break a sweat doing it. You literally can't. And it probably takes less than an hour a day to hit that minimum. And when even that hour is too much, when even the minimum is too much for you, it is because you are less than minimum. It's because deep in the very center of you, there is only a hollow.

You are the human equivalent of a shitty chocolate rabbit you crack and you break and you fall apart because you are a worthless fucking mess that isn't worth the effort to discard you want to take a second heath you want to take a minute i don't think there are bad versions of chocolate rabbits. I think that's just dumb. Just for hard to agree with stuff. Eli, one of each, a sour one for William's ex-wife and a sweet one for Aaron's dad. Okay. Well, William's ex-wife abandoned her kids.

So what can you say that her kids won't whisper into her open coffin at her funeral? But I'll try. Let's see. Her hair seems as surprised at what a bitch she is as everyone else. Okay.

And then I need a sweet one. A sweet one for Aaron's dad, who is a Fox News watching Trump supporter who loves her very much. So your jack boots look great on you. I bet

you wouldn't pull the lever on the gas chamber until everyone was ready. Okay. Real one. Real one. She paid the money. Hey, Aaron's dad, you raised an awesome daughter who, if you ask real nice when you die, will lie to the future about who you voted for. All right. A nice, sweet one for Joshua's libertarian friend, Kurt.

Heath, you're up. What? I called sour. Be nice to a libertarian. No. I called sour. You can't. I have to be nice

during this roast is what you're saying to a libertarian mother fuck okay ugh okay Kurt looks like he's got plenty of arm mobility thanks to his amazing work removing the sleeves

from all his shirts arm mobility that's good or at least he would have work removing the sleeves from all his shirts. That's good. Or at least he would have all that arm mobility if it weren't for the 10 copies of Atlas Shrug that he stores in his jowls. It's going to hinder the arm motion. This is hard to be nice to Kurt. You look like you were a pretty good bassist in 1983.

I quit the honesty roast. I don't like it. All right, I'm going to do a sweet one here for Sarah's dad, JP. With that camouflage shirt, Aryan Brotherhood suspenders, white hair and mustache,

all you need is a fake beard and your chubby ass could easily play Santa at the white nationalist Christmas party. If you need is a fake beard and your chubby ass could easily play Santa at the white nationalist Christmas party. If the line at a post office was a person, it'd be you.

That's excellent. Oh, it's poetry. Let's finish with one of each. Tom, Judith wants a sweet one for her brother and a sour one for her coworker, Cheryl. All right.

Judith's brother is the kind of guy everyone wants to be around, but then hates themselves a little the whole time because looking at him just feels like the rest of us are made exclusively of flaws and imperfections and the scars of our poor life choices.

Which we all are, so that's fair. And Cheryl, if you worked for me, I'd call you in sick the day we all learned what to do in an active shooter situation and then immediately fire the most unstable person in your department

just to masturbate to the security footage of you cowering under your desk today I learned that Tom gets to call other people in sick. Okay, Noah, Heath, and Eli, I'm sure you can decide

which of you wants this next roast more. Joseph wants someone to insult the makers of God Friended Me. Oh, me, me, me, me, me, me. Please proceed, Eli. Great. God Friended me is like no i go i go first absolutely not no if you're not gonna read the script then i'm gonna tell you jokes don't you

i am going god friend me is mr robot written by people who can't pass the Turing test. Turing test. That was also my joke. I did not have, I did not have comedy shenanigans written in. So I wrote a roast. God, friend of me is a bad show. Take it away. Cecil.

Without further ado, this one's for Noah. There is no love loss for Michael's co-worker, Carol Noah. Go for it. Yeah, no, she's a racist, homophobic, transphobic Catholic that offers to pray with her atheist co-workers and told a trans co-worker that trans people don't exist. Whatever will I roast?

Okay. Hey, Carol, stop overtly funding child rape cover-ups for a second so it can reinflate your face and then explain that no despite the fact that you openly wished for it to a random group of people in your place of employment there is no pill that can fix the gaze but there is a pill that can fix you it doesn't even matter what's in it as long as it's significantly larger than your trachea. And in terms of physical appearance,

you look like somebody ignored the old Chinese guy's warnings and fed Dr. Ruth after midnight after all. That's amazing. That's so good. Heath, here's a challenge for you. Roast Stephen Fry for the apostate Paul. Oh, I love Stephen Fry.

All right. Me too. That's why it's hard. All right. Stephen Fry looks like James McAvoy overdosed on understatement. Just let the full fucking joke out. We get it. You're so subtle.

You're so extreme. Just have an emotion. Fuck. It's like James McAvoy's face is trying to reject itself as a translator. All right, I'm going to do the penultimate roast

of Jennifer's old science teacher. He looks like Conan O'Brien's abusive dad. Oh, no. He looks like he mastered his entire branch of study and shoved that branch straight up his own ass.

You look like a human I told you so. And finally tonight, Eli, Sarah wants you to roast Nathan Choi. And I personally think this might call for Marky Mark, so use your judgment. Oh boy, I mean,

what can I fucking say that the voters of washington state i haven't already fucking said i mean this is the worst beating i've ever seen a chinese guy taking that's saying something but like don't fucking worry nathan all right there's always redemption or maybe a rap album thing about it all Alright, everybody. This does not wrap up our Vulgarity for Charity roast, so we haven't got to you

yet. Don't worry. Stay tuned. In the next few weeks, we will. Alright, gents. Thanks for joining us, guys.

Thank you, guys. Thanks for having us. Donate faster next time. Slow assholes. You don't understand why we have to

build a ray gun to aim at a planet I never even heard of. Don't blame me. I voted for Kodos. Go! This is from CBS News.

Representative Matt Gaetz. Gaetz? Gaetz? Gaetz? Gaetz. Gaetz, not sure. Apologizes. Deletes tweets seen by some as a warning to Michael Cohen ahead of hearing.

Here's who this is seen as a warning to. Anyone that reads it. Right? Let me read this tweet. How blind do you have to be to be like, this may or may not be a warning? I didn't intend for this to be a threat. Yeah. It's just threatening in tone and context and nature.

It just checks off three boxes. Not sure. Short of saying, listen, bitch, gonna stab you. Yeah, right. Thursday. Exactly. At four. you. Yeah, right. Thursday. Exactly. At four.

Exactly. So here's the tweet. Hey, at Michael Cohen 212. I hate America. I hate the world. We're reading more tweets. Do your wife and father-in-law know about your girlfriends? Maybe tonight would be a good time for that chat.

I wonder if she'll remain faithful when you're in prison. She's about to learn a lot. Trey Class A for a duly appointed representative of the United States Congress. I just got to say. Yeah, but it's Florida though. Okay, that's actually, that's perfectly. It makes sense. When you put it like that, right?

I mean, that really contextualized. You just kind of expect it, right? Like, I mean, yeah, when it comes from Florida. From America's drippy infected dong of a state. You know, could you imagine saying this to anybody and them not construing it as

a threat? Where you say, I have this piece of information that I'm and it's not even a threat anymore because you're clearly letting the cat out of the bag, right? So it's not really a threat. What it is clearly letting the cat out of the bag, right? So it's not really a threat. What it is is it's repercussions for what you're doing. Well, and I do think it's—well, it is definitely—it's immediate repercussions. But then I think implied in there, too, is like, what else—you be careful when you testify because what else do I maybe know about you?

Like, what other parts of my life, of your life, am I willing to take? That's of my life that's true right yeah that's implied in there right yeah and like this is this is what's be like i know politics are war but like at this point we're like i'm gonna ruin your personal life if you say the true things you know about the president yeah oh i should back off on the potentially true things i the the the united states people like the citizens deserve to know less about the inner workings of the government because that dude's fucking around on his wife. What's interesting is that he's immediately already being investigated by the Florida Bar.

So that's, I think is great that there's repercussions for it. Because immediately after this happened, a bunch of people were tweeting back and forth. We're just basically like, that's a crime yeah you can't do that you can't do that any you know you're doing it on a public forum like are these people so stupid uh short answer yes or do they think they can just get away with and i think that's also yes both yeses like it's funny because like,

like at some point, the answer is, yeah, we can get away with a lot of shit because nobody seems held accountable. Yeah. You know?

I think it would be great if Michael Cohen's wife was like, we had an arrangement. Yeah. Everyone's making a big fuss out of this, but like, I knew.

Yeah. Like, we're cool. Yeah. That's our jam. Yeah. Or we worked it out. Yeah. Personally, we worked it out yeah personally we worked it out okay it's none of your business it was never any of your business yeah like or

like yeah you know what i knew about that and despite what damage it may have done to my household fuck you for dragging me into it and my kids yeah right right you know like what a fucking mean shitty thing to do to be like you know what i'm gonna do yeah i'm gonna hurt your kids you know i'm gonna publicly shame your? Yeah. I'm going to hurt your kids. You know what? I'm going to publicly shame your fucking family. And that's it, right? It's a public shaming. And they're hoping to drum up all the rest of the people

to get more public shaming on. Right. You know, it's a really interesting thing that was happening today. I watched part of the Cohen testimony, I guess, is what he's just doing like a little Q&A with Congress right now. He's doing an AMA.

I'm Michael Cohen. Ask me anything. Here we go. Ask me almost anything. Don't ask me about my other projects. But anyway... Don't ask me about my business. That's exactly it, right? We got this... He's up there talking and this guy is grilling him.

I want to say his name's Jordan or Roland or something. I forget. He's a representative, Republican. Who's grilling him? Jordan, I think his last name is. And so he's grilling him

and he keeps on bringing up. He's like, so you did this in this time and you lied about it. And was that for you or did you do that for the president? And he's like, I did it for myself. And then he brings up another time that he lied

and he's caught and it's clearly caught. And he says, did you do that for the president? He's like, no, I didn't do that for the president. And keeps on doing it over and over and over again. And at one point, the guy's asking him questions where Cohen says, I don't know how this is supposed to help me or the president.

It's just like, I don't know who is helping. I don't understand what this is supposed to help me or the president. It's just like, I don't know who is helping. I don't understand what they're talking about. But basically, there's two things that he's saying. The one is that he's saying, look, you're a liar, right? So we can't trust you, right? So that's the number one thing. And when he's saying that, what I think to myself is I say, your president is the most demonstrable liar we've ever seen take office.

7,000 falsehoods since he's taken office, I think is the number. Oh, I mean, who's counting? Actually, a lot of people are counting. Politic fact. Yeah. But there's 7,000 falsehoods or something like that. And so that's an immense amount of falsehoods that he's spitting out. Well, no, hold on.

To be fair, he's had two years. That's only like 10 a day. He's racked up a few. He's racked up a few. But so that's the one thing and then the other thing is like who do you who else do you think would be part of a criminal lying enterprise than a criminal liar who else who who are we gonna get in here right to testify that the that a guy who's we say a criminal who has lied constantly are we gonna get like a girl scout in here to

testify against them is that who he confided in did he confide in somebody like no he confided in another criminal right that's who he confided in if you want someone to lie to you lie for you you have to employ a liar for that yeah like you can't employ like a non-liar to be your lying guy. Exactly. You can't employ a guy who's fucking, whose belt goes off and sounds like it's a fucking whirring device. Every time he like, every time he fucking,

it's not an alarm that goes off. Right. It's so funny. It's like, well, we shouldn't pay attention to that guy. He lies and cheats on his wife. What does he know about Donald Trump?

This guy over here. I feel very confused by this. With a straight face and everything? This is one of those times. Although, God, I was fucking watching a little bit of coverage on this. And I was like, this guy's got no friends left in the world, right? Sometimes these guys will get called up in front of some oversight committee. And there's some side that's kind of like Brett Kavanaugh with the Republicans.

Oh, yeah. They brought in. Some side is like, you like beer? We like beer. They brought in a lady to serve him sandwiches in between. It's just like, yeah, no problem. Why don't you rough her up a little between sessions? in between. You know, it's just like,

yeah, no problem. Why don't you rough her up a little between sessions? Well, like, a lot of times it's just like one side of the aisle that's at least a little more friendly to you.

Yeah, right, right. This guy's getting fucking a train run on him so hard. I know. Everybody that gets up there are fucking ruining this guy. The Democrats are like,

look, man, you helped put the worst president America's ever seen in charge. Yeah. We are going to fucking ruin you now. Yeah. And the Republicans are like, you're a traitor to the cause. Yeah.

We need to discredit you now. Yeah. Everybody, he can't go anywhere without being, he might be one of the most hated men in America. And right now, he's just chummed the water in a piranha versus shark fight. I know. He's just like, I don't know,

I'm kind of fucked right now. Oh my God. I want to go back in the cage. Oh, the cage does nothing. The cage does nothing. I want to thank our friends at Citation Needed for joining us today. Also, they do Skeptocrat, Godawful Movies, and Scathing Atheist, but those are lesser-known podcasts.

But thank you so much to Noah, Eli, and Heath for joining us today. And you can check this week's show notes for all their projects so that is we're not going to do email this time because we're recording this show a little early we are trying to bank some shows so that we can have a short break but we will get to your email and your patronage we'll mention that next time

remember that if you would like to become a patron all you have to do is go to dissonancepod.com or you can go to patreon.com slash dissonancepod. And you can sign up to be a patron on a per episode basis, as little as a dollar an episode. We love our patrons. We try to do extra content for our patrons. There's currently, I would say, dozens, if not maybe close to 100 of extra hours on Patreon right now of just extra shows,

extras that we've done. So you get tons of extra content if you join and you can start downloading that stuff right away. And we'll be friends with you. We will. Personal friends. Friends with you.

Like you can come to Cecil's house for dinner. You can. You can. I will give you Tom's address. That's not what I meant. That's going to wrap it up for this week. We're going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's address. That's not what I meant. Well, that's going to wrap it up for this week. We're going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue.

It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo quasi alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, Trouble, pseudo, quasi, alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info docutainment. Leo, Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques, and synagogues, temples,

dragons, giant worms, atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your signs. Thrust your hands. Bloody. Evidential. Conclusive. Thrust your hands. Bloody. Evidential. Conclusive. Doubt even this.

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