Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 460: The Anything Goes League

Episode Date: March 11, 2019

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by adamandeve.com. Just go to adamandeve.com and type in glory. That's G-L-O-R-Y at checkout, and you'll get 50% off almost any item, a free sex swing and free shipping. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from freddy krueger's smoking armpit this is cognitive dissonance it's a little

fucking high a little warm a little warm are you kidding me the surface of the sun is a little toasty my sweat has begun sweating like mercury in this mother mercury Mercury would quit. Mercury would turn to a gas. This is ridiculous. This is absurd. Also, the two of us also have about 50 extra pounds on each of us. Okay. All right.

Insulating. That's my winter 50. You got to grow it. I'm going to shed that when I decompose. For every single degree below zero, I grow a pound. Windchill counts. Windchill counts. Windchill counts so hard.

I'm like at McDonald's just shoving fries in my face on those coldest days. I'm one of those like four season sleeping bags just walking around. Constantly people cutting you open and climbing. This is Cogn cognitive dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism and irreverence to any topic that makes it big. Something like that makes the news or makes us mad. My brain was just like, we are done.

Just turn up. What is that? This is episode 459. Hi, a quick editor's note. It's actually episode 460. Sorry. Of Cognitive Dissonance. I'm pretty excited, Tom. Really?

Yeah, because it looks like our next mayor here, there's going to be a runoff election. Next mayor is going to be a black woman regardless. Maybe a black gay woman. Okay, but in Chicago. But will she still be corrupt? Because if we lose that, one of them can't. One of them is.

So yes, there is a possibility. At least I know for sure the Preckwinkle lady is really machined up. I saw something in the news the other day. It said Chicago is the most corrupt city in America. And they did it on a kind of per capita basis.

And then, but it was, it was comforting. Illinois was only the third most corrupt state. So, so there are some spots. That's because our most corrupt people were already put in prison. I know, right?

They've already gone out of their way to put those people away. I was like kind of curious how that would work. Like, it's just like, do you, does that count against

our record? It was like the Mark McGuire years. Like, okay, I feel like I put him in, I fixed it. Yeah.

Thank you. I fucking, Pete rose to that. Yeah. That guy got kicked out of baseball for, he was, gambling.

Thank you. I also knew that. I knew he was in trouble. Yeah, gambling. He got kicked out, right? He got,. Gambling. Thank you. I also knew that. I knew he was in trouble. Yeah, gambling. He got kicked out, right? And he wasn't allowed to be in the Hall of Fame. Yeah.

Yeah, even though he's very good at the sport. I made a baseball reference, too, when I said Mark McGuire, who you probably don't know. You probably don't know. No. Is he on the...

He was a guy who hit a bunch of home runs, but he did it on steroids. And so there's like an asterisk next to his years that he broke the home run record. I think they should all be encouraged to take steroids.

Not just allowed. I think they should be encouraged. Like every team meal is just steroids. 100% steroids. Steroids. He's got a big fucking Frankenstein face. They all look like Lou Ferrigno. I mean, the best.

The shortstop just tries to reach and he explodes. Poof. He just turns into muscle and sinew. He's like a party popper and sinew.

Just poof. And he's just gone. I think our professional athletes, I think we should just see what the body can do if we just feed it nothing but human growth hormone. How big can we get? it nothing but human growth hormone.

How big can we get? Yes, absolutely. Hard agree. I think not only that, Tom, I think we should start doing some experiments with cybernetics. I agree. So we should do it like a robot part. So there's three, there's three leagues. There's the juice clean league, right?

There's no, then there's the juicer league. And then there's the anything goes league where you could just like like you could turn you could turn one of those like you could basically have like a bulldozer with a human brain that's the league i would watch if you could anything goes league that's it that's where it's at i 100 would watch that like i don't watch any sports but i think i would watch the juice league because i just want want to see like, yeah. Like how gross people can be. Yeah. What are you going to be? Like, as you're just going to be like jolly green shine,

like walk like does not. I would watch all the sports. Yes. All of them. I would give up my existing job to stay home and watch juice sports. I would, I would start every podcast that I ever did from that point on would only be a sports podcast.

But the, the one you're suggesting? The Anything Goes League, where suddenly we get to experiment on human beings? Be human BattleBots. I mean, the wedge wins, or that spinning thing. The one that comes up and just whacks you.

It just smacks you like whack. Did you watch BattleBots? I didn't. I watched a bunch of highlight stuff, but I never watched like the. Holy shit. Is that like that is the most boring fucking show. It's like. Is it?

Yeah. Well, like the highlights are amazing. Well, I watched the highlights. I guess that's what I only did. That's why it's great. The highlights are amazing. The rest of the time, it's just like people talking about like, I'm going to build a wedge. And the other guy's like, wedge is a stupid.

I'm going to build the spinning bot. And like everybody else like, well, that's pretty much the only two bots. And then, like, it really quickly becomes that. But then, like, it's like 20 minutes of people driving a remote-controlled car around trying to maneuver it all weird. And then, like, kind of nothing happens. And then the arena, like, just randomly does what's supposed to be cool shit. But just, like, knocked it on its side. You're like,

oh, I got a fucking remote-controlled turtle now. Thanks. It's like, but when it goes well, when you see those highlights, then you're like, oh, this is the pinnacle

of all human achievement. You know how they should fix that show is they should take, well, if you take BattleBots and you take J junkyard wars and you turn it into turn it into where you go into the junkyard and you build the battle bot to fight the other

people yes because i'm sure that junkyard wars shows was staged yeah but it doesn't matter because it's like it's still fun to watch i love so there's that show that the guy's like taking off the tire he's like oh there's an entire air compressor in here. I know. But still, I love that show too. I'm a Donald Douglas jet engine. I love that show too. It was so great.

I love that show. And they could make it even more interesting by taking an orphan kid and you put it inside. And that's who... Anything goes, Lee. Anything goes, Lee. It could be like those physics games where it's like,

oh, if you crack the egg, you lose. It's a zoo with an orphanage. Well, the best part is you probably got one for free because they gave away 12 of them in a little thing. So you get the one for an extra one. Well, we're not going to adopt them out to gay couples. What are you, crazy? And the priests, they're full up.

Actually, they're full up of priests. But you know what I mean. I'm just saying, patrons, enough money. We will start our own TV channel. And it will fuck shit up. You want that shit so bad. We're paying people to get fucking like surgery to remove their arm and put a new arm on.

Okay. You would look really good with those jumpy gazelle legs that the amputees have and arm cannons. He looks like the guy off of fucking family guy with the four peg legs for his arms and his legs. He's got one of those like tennis guns. I would watch the shit out of his show. Oh, man. Oh, God.

The future is so bright. I got to wear shades, buddy. You know, the one thing we never talk about, really, is it's one of the few gels and products that cures or gets rid of

all venereal diseases. Yeah. This is like a... It's a miracle in a tube. Yeah, it is a miracle in a tube. All right, this story is from Right Wing Watch. This is crazy. I love this.

This is Valentine's Day. Lance Wallenew wants to help banish those demons for your sweetheart. 40% off. That's 40 your sweetheart. 40% off. That's 40% off. 40%. He's got this thing here. It's for his,

he's selling Breaking Controlling Spirits. It's a 3D set. It's regular price is $29.97, but special Valentine's Day price. And I know this is a couple of the weeks after, a week or so after Valentine's Day, but the special Valentine's Day price, so guys, you're not gonna be able to get it.

That's why I'm telling you it's after. 1797. And I want to read a little bit of this. Can I comment on something real quick before that? This is a three CD set. What do you do with that at this point? CD? What do you like?

Like, oh, honey, I got you some CDs. What? What, so you can use them as giant weird coasters? Yeah, do I have to get a CD player too? What would you do? Like, if somebody gave me a CD, I'd be like, cool. I have to throw this away now. I don't know what to do with it.

Yeah. I will play Frisbee with it. A CD? What the fuck? A three CD set? I get one of those, like, big, giant fucking opening things. Like, bro, you know what I mean? Think about the packaging. Do you remember back in the day we used to carry CDs in your car, get one of those like big giant fucking openy things like bro you know what i mean think about

the packaging do you remember back in the day we used to carry cds in your car and you'd have a little flip book of cds that's the same thing you buy a flip cds right in my seat you gotta get all these oh i got a six cd changer in the trunk it's super sweet six cd changer oh oh my god oh so i want to talk about cds i want to talk about this. This is what he did. There is a war. This is a quote, pardon me from his, this is explaining his special Valentine's day gift of breaking controlling

spirits. There is a war being fought in the unseen realm between the forces of good and evil. And the battlefield is your mind. And if it's Valentine's Day, the battlefield is also your crotch. So the crabs are fighting? We're going to scorch

your... Battlefield, baby. If the battlefield is your mind, Lance's fucking battlefield is wide open. It's shooting blanks, baby. The battlefield isn't dangerous at all. It's like a laser tag. Crickets everywhere.

It says demonic activity is increasing at an alarming rate as we draw closer to the last days. Really it is? Yeah. Okay. How would we know that? I always wonder about that. There's a lot more

demonic activity. How much was there yesterday? I always wonder about that. You know, it's like, there's a lot more fucking demonic activity. How much was there yesterday? How many units of demonic activity? What is the measurement? Is there a murder of demonic activity? I'll say this though. If it's on Valentine's Day, if your demonic activity

lasts more than four hours, contact a doctor. You've got to talk to a doctor. If your demonic activity lasts more than four hours, you're a hero. Yeah. Jesus.

People are high-fiving you, man. More than four hours? I'd be like, stop the fucking camera. No, I keep it on. And this is the last piece of this. He says, you will not be able to ignore it and hope to avoid the consequences. Spiritual warfare is not optional.

What must you do to prepare and guarantee victory over the enemy? Enema. What must you do to prepare and guarantee victory over the enemy? Enema. What must you do to prepare for anal? Well, you can get yourself some lube

from adamandeve.com. That's how you can prepare for it. All you have to do is go to adamandeve.com. Now, back on is the sex swing. It is. So you could,

you know, I guess... You can back up on that sex swing. You can get two swings, and you could play catch with Lance Wallenew's CDs, even if you wanted to. And all you have to do is type in Gloria Chukot.

I got a ringer. You get 50% off almost any item, a free sex swing and free shipping. I love the idea that, like, spiritual warfare is not... There's no conscientious objectors to spiritual warfare. Like, even, like, the Amish are like, fuck, I gotta go. I got drafted. When weors to spiritual warfare. Like even like the Amish are like, fuck, I gotta go. I got drafted.

When we talk about spiritual warfare, are we talking about, are we talking about fighting against spirits or fighting with spirits? Like a spirit gun or something. Like spiritual warfare. What does that mean?

I don't know, but I know that if you're drafted and you become the cook, then it's spirit cooking. And that's different. That is different. Get spirit PT. We have to peel a bunch of spirits. There's like some

spirit drill sergeant like, listen up, you spirit maggots! And you're just like, that's just that hurts my spirit feelings. I don't know why I gotta talk about that. They put a bunch of spirits in a bag and beat you with it. That's demonic, everybody! It is absolutely demonic!

This story comes from Right Wing watches chris mcdonald alexandria ocasio-cortez's theology is of satan this is amazing this is this guy this guy is really i mean he's starting to become he's a regular popular guys and he's pretty awesome god does not like evil tyranny destroying people and destroying a nation oh he's all worked up he is this chris mcdonald is all worked up right now he's clipping his. Oh, he's all worked up. He is. Chris McDonald is all worked up right now. He's clipping his audio. He's all so angry. He's peaking.

It is God's fight, folks. This is not our fight. This is his fight. Okay, then I don't need to do anything about it. Why are we doing anything? I actually feel great. This is like when I get on an airplane and I feel a sense of relief because it's like, I don't know.

I can't crash this. You know what I mean? Like, I have no responsibility here. relief because it's like, I don't know. I can't crash this. You know what I mean? Like, I have no responsibility here. If that thing goes down, I'm not even buckling my seatbelt. I give a shit. He wants America free. He doesn't want it under the bonds of socialism and communism. He wants men to be free to worship God.

Jesus. God. I want you to be free to do exactly as I told you. Or I will burn you forever in a lake of torturous fire. That's exactly it, right? I will kill you forever and ever and ever and hurt you forever and ever and ever.

That's exactly it. Listen, I'm not here to tell you what to do. All right? And take away your freedom. I'm not going to micromanage your life. Incidentally, as an aside, if you don't do exactly what I tell you to do, and I wrote down all these rules, if you don't follow the rules,

I will fucking hurt you and everyone you've ever loved generation after generation until the possibility of experiencing more pain extends into the infinite. But anyway, do what you like. Feel free. Hey, if you want to order the veal, order the veal.

And here's what I'm going to do is you go ahead and watch real quick. Yeah, Bill missed bullet point three. Throw him in like fire. Okay, no. What were you saying again? What were you saying? Oh, yeah. Tony missed bullet point six.

Yeah, he ate shellfish once. Throw him in there like fire. Isn't that like holding a knife to your boss's throat and being like, do I get a promotion? You don't have to give it to me. You tell me I earned it. You tell me I earned it. What?

That's how I have sex every night. My hand is tired of that. Every night. My hand is tired of that. Every night. He wants them to be free. They worship the creator, the one that made them. He wants them to be free to be able to worship freely and to give him the due diligence and the due credit for freedom.

The due diligence? Tell me how much you like that freedom I gave you. It sounds so crazy. It really does. It sounds like he's going to slap our ass and be like, you like that freedom, don't you? Don't you like it? You like it. You say my name when you do what you want.

There is no safe word. You'll never be safe from me. Jesus is going to choke me a little. Jesus is choking you with his little hand. You can see your neck through his hand. You can get a tracheotomy right through it. You can still breathe through it. God is a God of freedom.

He is not a God of communistic and socialism ideology. Yeah, absolutely true. Jesus upcharged all those people for those bread and loaves. He was like, no, you got to pay that guy in the back. He'll collect your 30 pieces of silver. Judas, go around, collect that stuff. When Jesus knocked over all those

tables, those money changer tables, he was all like, yeah, well, that's confusing. This is going to get weird in about 2,000 years. There's a, I don't know if it's a joke or a meme or whatever, but I was talking about like, it goes something like this.

The current conservative Christians would not recognize Jesus because he's a black man who loves socialism. They would not recognize him for the Jesus that they love. They love capitalist Jesus. They love, they love everybody got pulled up by their own bootstraps and made a shit ton of money. That's what they love. They love capitalist Jesus. They love everybody got pulled up by their own bootstraps and made a shit ton of money. That's what they love.

They love that Jesus. What they love is a Jesus of manifest destiny. That's what they love. They want like Lewis and Clark, the Jesus. Manifest destiny. That's what they want though. That's really what they feel like. Because like Jesus showed up and like punched an Indian

and like taken his corn and sold it back to him for a bead or something. We need to make a shirt that says there are no coincidences. Manifest destiny. Make no mistake about it. Yeah, absolutely. Let me say it again. Okay, say it again. God is not the God of communism.

God is not the God of socialism. God is not the God of socialism. He is not. No, that's true. Because Lazarus went into medical bankruptcy after being brought up after he died. So that's very true. No, he was fine. He had amazing insurance.

He was amazing. He was like a... He had like double supplemental fucking, that quacking duck insurance. It's like, you know, that duck quack. He's not the god of anything let me tell you wait what it's not the god of anything you said it buddy yeah let's do this again i want to hear this again god is not the god of communism god is not the god of socialism he's not the god of anything

and let me tell you all of that yeah that was just a sentence he said god is not the God of socialism. He's not the God of anything. And let me tell you all of that. Yeah, that was just a sentence he said. He said God is not the God of anything. Finally, we agree. God's just like, did I just lose my job? Did Chris McDonald just fire me? I am not the God of anything. I created all this shit for you, Chris.

Oh, jeez. You're a dick. Man, here I was. I gave it to you all socialism style. God's like looking down at like China. He's like, well, I'm not your God, Chris McDonald. Like, I'm not even sweating that. He's putting himself up for like on Craigslist.

He's like looking for work. That is of the devil. Can I just go on record and telling you, when you heard, when you hear Bernie Sanders and these other politicians out there spousing how great these things are, folks, I'm not trying to disparage them personally, but that theology,

that ideology, it's of Satan. I'm not trying to say they're bad people. I'm just saying that their thoughts are demonic. I'm just saying they're in league with the most evil thing ever created. Created by God, by the way. But anyway, the most evil thing ever created. It's his foil like it's

gotta have you gotta have dark if you're gonna have light what other stupid fucking instagram memes can we say out loud like if you don't want me at my best you can't handle me my worst or like whatever fucking nonsense garbage idiots spout out i regret having that as a tramp stamp that's satan's theology idiots spout out. I regret having that as a tramp stamp. That's Satan's theology. If you want to write my name down and say, well, Chris said socialism and Bernie Sanders is

of the devil, write it down all you want to. I don't care. Bernie's theology is of the devil. And nobody would even notice who you were. He's so that lady off of Waterboy. Foosball is the devil. He's so that lady. He is. God, it's so that lady off with water boy like he's so that lady he is god it's so awful and ridiculous jesus this guy unreal arcacia cortez's theology is of satan wait a minute does he have a mustache no i think he has chocolate on his mouth i think he has a flesh-colored mustache

go back two or three seconds when he closes his mouth and leans in, you can see a weird... Oh, you're right! He's got a weird... You guys, here's the thing. We've been watching this guy for I don't know how long, and we've been watching this video now for a couple of minutes.

He has a beard and mustache that so perfectly mimics his skin color. His own skin. It's like a chameleon. You can't see it until he leans in. It's like you hired a gecko to sit on his face. It's like he just got fucking texturized with his own hair. It's like someone has him on a computer generator

and they're rolling up the texture. They're increasing the graphics as we sit. You're right. You picked that out. I totally missed it. I thought he had some... The thing is, the way it casts a shadow, it looks like he just got done messily eating a Hershey bar. It does. But now I can tell that's the shadow of his

flesh colored. It's almost nightmare. It's almost like monofilament. Like it's almost like, like, like a mustache made out of fucking fishing line. Acacia Cortez's theology is of Satan. God is not wanting America to be a nation that slips all into this socialist abyss. Now, we know this because in the Bible, where they didn't know America existed yet. And they were like, yeah, I love that. Like, the Bible is written at a time when we had not, like, invented this hemisphere. invented this hemisphere. It's like when you're playing Civ and there's the cloud.

There's a cloud and you just don't know what's past that cloud. So the map fog is on. That's not even wrong. Who knows what's over there? Could be a giant sea monster. That's not even wrong. Like, for over

1,400 years, people were like, I don't know what's over there. This was written at a time, but somehow God has this clearly defined vision that you know about. You get one book, according to you. You get one book he wrote.

And he doesn't mention this whole half of the earth and you're like well i know what he meant though he definitely about it he alluded to it yeah so but he didn't actually say it out loud but he's called us as the believer the children of god the remnant to stand in the gap against this this is a spiritual war folks that is a spirit let me tell you all of these things that you hear about when you hear sociology it's more than an ideology it's when you hear sociology it's more than an ideology sometimes it's a class you can take at liberty university did he say sociology though yeah is he is he against sociology yeah or does he do you think that he doesn't know the against sociology yeah or does he do you think that he

doesn't know the difference between sociology and social or do you think that he just mixed social uh social socialism and theology oh do you think he misspoke i don't know let's listen to it one more time because he says sociology out of nowhere he's bashing on but he's called us as the believer the the children of god the rem, to stand in the gap against this. This is a spiritual war, folks. That is a spirit. Let me tell you, all of these things that you hear about, when you hear sociology, it's more than an ideology. I think he means socialism, maybe. I think so. Maybe. Is that being generous? I think he means sociology. Here's the thing. It does not matter because he doesn't know what socialism is.

Yeah, it's just as much as this. Nor is he any better versed on sociology. Just as much, yeah. The communist thing, it's the spirit, it's the principality that takes up residence over nations and causes entire nations to be controlled by it. Well, I mean, that's what, like, yeah, if you were capital, we're controlled by capitalism. what, like, yeah, if you were capital, we're controlled by capitalism. Like, yeah, the economic system your country chooses to pursue does, in fact, influence that nation. Like, that's how that works. You know, it's funny. You look at this guy and this guy, we were talking last week about people that will argue against, you know, let's say Ocasio-Cortez's tax ideas, right?

She has an idea for a new green deal, which I really haven't looked at as well as I probably should. But I am fond of the idea of a 70% tax rate on very wealthy people. I am very fond of that tax rate. That to me feels like

a step in the right direction for this country. And so I am for that. And so I don't know what she wants to do with that money, but I definitely feel like when I hear that, I'm like, oh, that sounds like a good thing. So I'm for it. I know, I'm sure there's gonna be a lot of people

that'll be for something like that. But this guy, he's screaming and yelling, and you know for sure, there's no way he, I mean, he's filming this out of the back of his fucking 1986 Ford Escort. Like, there's no way that this guy is making over $10 million a year. This guy isn't

crushing it. Right. I can't imagine this guy being against it if he really knew what it was. I just feel like they're all so stupid that they just hear this line like, socialism is bad. I think that they conflate socialism with communist Russia. Yeah.

Like they're just real confused. They don't differentiate. They don't know how it works. They don't, they grew up in a time when like, you know, like the USSR was still there and like people stood in bread lines and like we had this really aggressive narrative about how bad it was to live there. I think a lot of that was true too. Sure, yeah.

And I think that they're worried like, oh my God, what if we go down this path? Yeah. Because they think. Where like you can't're worried. Like, oh, my God, what if we go down this path? Yeah. Because they think. Where, like, you can't do things. I remember being in school. I don't know how it was for you, but I remember being in school and being told that, like, in the USSR, this was before the fall, right? That, like, children were told what their job was going to be. And, like, we had a whole exercise where, like, we stood up.

Everybody got in front of the class, the teacher had a random stack of I can't think, cards? No cards? And randomized them and called us up and was like, okay, you're a mechanic and handed us the card. And you're a baker and you're a whatever.

And then we sat down and he was trying to explain and I believe that, and now that's not true, right? We know that that's not ever been there. But that's how it was sold to me as a six, seven, eight-year-old kid, something along those lines. I was very young at the time. And I remember getting a card and being like, I don't want to be a biscuit salesman or whatever garbage job it was. There were also shit jobs.

But I thought that that's how that worked. Because I was stupid. And I was sold an idea about how it works. Who was told something by an authority figure. Right, they weren't stupid. I was just, but like, I think that those ideas permeate later. They sink deep into our idea

about how the world worked. And because that wasn't true doesn't mean that that's not what people think. In the back of their mind, there's an idea like, I don't want that world. One of the U.S. is never going to be the USSR. And the other thing, too, is that even though it was exaggerated, yeah, I would probably

from what I have read, it didn't sound like it was fucking baller. It didn't sound like it was amazing. And so I definitely, I'm right there with you. I wouldn't want that here either. Right. I'm not interested in that here either. I'm not interested in everybody let's all chip your money

into this big pot and then we all take you know, what is the Marx thing where he's like take ability from each according to his ability and to each according to his need. Yeah. I don't think that that's something I would like but I don't think that that's something I would like, but I definitely think a $10 million

is plenty of a stipend to live on. It'd be just fine, right? It'd be okay. It is real hard to get real worked up. Like, well, what if I'm not super duper rich? Yeah. So you're just like regular, incredibly wealthy? Yeah.

All right. I don't know. Your tears don't work for me. They don't. I don't think. I think that they want to make sure that they don't have the, you know, because what does that do for the rest of us? It raises all the rest of the boats. You know, suddenly there's less of a tax burden on us and there's, you know, more and better infrastructure in the United States.

There's a lot of things that happen with that tax cut. There's a lot of things that happen. Do you like to fuck? Well, the guys at Cognitive Dissonance want to help you out. It doesn't matter if you fuck yourself, someone else, or lots of someone else's.

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all right this story comes from right wing watch rick wiles is doubling down tom brady's sleeping with the equivalent of a serial killer. Serial murderer, buddy. God damn, does Rick Wilds want to fuck Tom Brady's wife? I will say this. I'm a fucking serial murderer. Whenever serial comes into my house, I murder the fuck out of that.

Captain Crunch has died many a death in my home. We were so busy for the past several, maybe even past two weeks, we hadn't had a chance to go shopping. And we Instacart once in a while. And Instacart, I don't know if they have it in the Burbs, but they have it in Chicago.

And it's basically like, you pick a bunch of shit out at your favorite store. So let's say Target. Let's just say Target, but it can be any store. Mariano's is the one we normally go to in Chicago. So it's Mariano's. You can do Whole Foods

whatever it doesn't matter. And so you pick out all the stuff you want and then they go to the store and they buy it. Okay. And so it's listed on there and then while they go there

the people will text you 700 times because they don't find what's on the website. Oh my God. It's like sending me to the grocery store. It's more annoying than sending you to the grocery store.

That's impossible. No, it is. It is. Maybe not. Maybe not. Benefit of the doubt. I will give you the benefit of the doubt. I'm very annoying at a grocery store.

You're just very annoying in general, so I figure it probably extends to a grocery store. You know the lights and you're rubbing your eyes the whole time you need to get put down. Plus, I sit in that cart and nobody will push me. Nobody can push you. My legs get stuck in that thing. It's like four people behind.

You're like tips forward. You're just walking around with it waddled up to your legs. You got like a shopping cart underwear on. You're just walking around. Stroll up to the service. He's like,

I broke this. And then they get on the mic and the guy's like, Tom's stuck at the car. Crisco aisle customer service, please. Oh my gosh. But anyway, so Instacart,

they did this thing where they fucking send you a million messages like can't find this, can't find this. I was busy. I was at the gym at the time. And so I get out and I see all these texts from the fucking Instacart person. And then they're like, I really need you to approve these before I leave.

And then by the time I got to my phone, they had already left. They're like, okay, because they needed to deliver at a certain time. We had ordered milk. Okay. I ordered a half gallon of milk. They couldn't find milk? Their job is to shop for things. It's a specific brand of milk. And so instead of buying me another brand of milk that happens to be 2%, they bought me the exact same milk, but it was 20 ounce size. It was 20-ounce size.

But the good thing is that they bought his and hers milk. So they bought two 20-ouncers instead of the gallon of milk. I wish that they bought you like six of those to make up a gallon. Be like, I got you a gallon. It's just divided.

It's just divided. A bunch of divided gallons. And then when they leave, I'm going to throw them at their car. I want to wait for these to spoil. Order from you again and pour it on your head. That's the thing though. It's kind of good that they brought that because I don't have a lot of milk in the house.

Because when I do and cereal's in the house, I will fill up the bathtub with cereal. And I will get a straw and eat the entire thing. I can't remember the last bowl of cereal. Really? Yeah, it's been... I don't know. I don't know the last... I can't remember the last bowl of cereal. Really? Yeah, it's been... I don't know. I don't know the last... Like, I don't remember.

Like, I just... It's not something I eat. I hadn't had it for years because I know that I eat the whole thing when I get it. Yeah, it's just not a moderation food.

Yeah, I can't... Same thing with ice cream. There's a couple things I just can't keep in the house. I just can't have it. I can't keep it in the house because I will just eat the whole thing.

Like ice cream, especially, because ice cream doesn't do anything to your body. Like there's no filling mechanism. There's no fiber in there. At no point in eating ice cream is my body like, couldn't eat another bite. My body's like, I'll chew on the carton, motherfucker. You lick the carpet. I miss a droplet on the carpet. You're like sucking it.

Try to get it off the carpet. Serious question. Can you feel full eating ice cream? I think you might be able to, but it would have to be an obscene amount of ice cream. I think it would be 100 gallons of ice cream. I would have 100 gallons. Somebody comes up with

a 55-gallon drum and a partially filled 55-gallon drum. And then they scoop across. Tiny sample spoons from Baskin Robbins. But yeah, like, like I can just eat cereal. Like, and so as a joke, my wife bought me a couple boxes for Christmas. They're still in my house, but my wife bought me some boxes as a joke.

And so I like, as soon as the milk comes in the house, I'm just like, boxes as a joke. And so, like, as soon as the milk comes in the house, I'm just like, I'm like one of those fucking beavers from the old-timey cartoons that just, like, eats the tree in three bites. I'm just like, and it's gone. What's your cereal of choice? What do you eat?

There's two cereals that I really like. Grape Nuts and Crispix. Those are my two favorites. I like, I think I had Grape Nuts. I broke a tooth on Grape Nuts. Like, about a long time ago. A long time. Well, I think I had grape nuts. I broke a tooth on grape nuts. Like about a long time ago. That's not a selling point though. A long time.

Well, I think, don't you microwave yours? I think we talked about this before. I have, I have, but I don't have to. No, I'll eat it. I like it cold. Yeah. Right, I like it cold. I do too, especially if my wife's talking to me

because then I can't hear her. I can't hear anything. And you can't hear anything for the next 40 minutes. Like your sound, like the hairs, you shave off all the hairs in your ear that collect the sound and they have to regrow. That's what happens when you eat grape nuts.

You should have to like, like you should have to wear those like airline muffs that they wear outside that those guys with the wavy arms wave the planes in with. You should have to wear those. It is a bulldozer for your brain.

It is. It's so fun. It's like a car accident constantly happening. You're like at a kiss concert. You're like, how is... Anyway,

so this is him doubling down on what we talked about two or three episodes ago. And it was where he was talking about, yeah, you know, fucking Tom Brady's wife is a witch. What I'm saying as a pastor is that there is a spiritual dimension to this

because whoever you have sexual relations with, you're having a communion. Your two bodies are coming together. Not all the time. Not all the time. Not very often. You really got to... I almost feel like

you need like either a coach or a disinterested third party outside to sort of make sure... Like a conductor. Like there needs to be a person who's...

Like running that factory. Yeah, exactly. Like he needs to be... For both you and her to try to get... Or him and him. Hey, I'm not... You know, whatever.

Her and her. Yeah, it doesn't matter. Just trying to get it so they come together. That's, yeah. No, are you kidding? That's a tradesy situation. That's why God prohibits fornication and adultery, and sex is only for inside marriage. Sex is only for inside marriage?

Not outside marriage. Whatever. Oh, for doing inside of a marriage. Sex is only for inside marriage? Not outside marriage. Whatever. Oh, for doing inside of a marriage. I see. I was like, oh, like I thought maybe like I only had an inside marriage. So whenever I was inside, I was married. But when I left, if I went outside,

I was not married. Like an inside cat? Like you're just like... Or inside outside voice. Reason four is because two people are coming together physically. They not only come together physically, but they come together spiritually. Yes. All right?

That adds so much more pressure. It's hard enough to come together physically. Are you kidding me? You got to manage that piece. Like, okay, I'm close. You're close. Is your fucking ghost close now? We got another whole deck. There's fucking ghost close now? It's another whole

four of us here. It's like landing a plane. Jesus Christ, fucking Patrick Swayze has got to get behind me while I make this pottery and make sure I fucking pop when you pop. You kidding me? And what is it that comes out with the ghost? Like, we know how to clean up

the regular real world stuff, but how do you clean up the spiritual stuff? stuff, but how do you clean up the spiritual stuff? Ectoplasmic cold water? I don't know. It's all ectoplasm. I don't even got ectoplasm on my glasses.

I gave her a Slimer, I'll tell you that much. That's because she had all those hot dogs in her mouth. Oh my God, I'd love to see that hot dog gif with Slimer. You know, like that girl on the internet. The girl on the internet with the hot dogs in her mouth. Oh my God. I'd love to see that hot dog gif with Slimer. You know, like that girl on the internet. The girl on the internet. With the hot dogs. And then they show Slimer and he's eating all the hot dogs. Oh, that'd be great.

And so that's why I said, this is a really serious problem because Tom Brady, he's married to a woman who was practicing witchcraft. And I pointed out that God equates witchcraft, sorcery with murder, with lying, adultery. I feel like lying and murder don't live in the same category, right? Like, I feel like if you have a bucket of things. I agree. And you're like. Hard agree.

Lying and murder. What an idiot. bucket of things. I agree. And you're like, hard agree. Why? Murder. What an idiot. Hey, did you eat the last box of fucking do-si-dos? No, I killed your sister. You're just kidding. It's like the same.

I'll tell you what. You can avoid a murder by lying. By being like, do I look fat in this? Could you imagine it's like that gif where they have the two buttons and it's like lying and murder. And the top just says, do I look fat in this? And someone's trying to decide it's all the same no you don't I guess I'll just spend the rest of eternity

like a fire no matter what happens you know what I love right now too is that like Rick Wiles is explaining this to us like it all makes sense like and all I did was point out these very obvious facts about how the world works and people are teasing

me about it. I was like, yeah, man. Because your worldview is a comical farce to people who can do math. Your worldview thinks that there's some lady who's underneath a building with striped socks.

Are you kidding me right now? Are you kidding me? I'll tell you what. The script for The Wizard of Oz equates witchcraft with monkeys that have wings. So, I mean, do you want monkey? Do you want winged monkeys? Because this is how you get winged monkeys. That's what Tom Brady's next team needs to be.

He needs to get traded from the Patriots to the winged monkeys. Like, I will buy this argument if like Tom Brady is on an episode of Cribs and he just, like, shows off his winged monkey collection. Yeah. And I'll be like, you know what? You know what? You had a point, Rick Wiles. You got me on this one. Yeah.

As you work your way through his yellow brick road house. Yes. Then you see. Yeah, I agree. What is this made of candy? Where you go into his house and he's just got little kids being bled upside down on pentagrams all around the house. Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe I'll agree with you.

But if his wife once in a while who's kind of maybe a little softer self is just like, I'm a witch. I'm a real witch. You're like, okay, yeah, you're a fucking real witch. You see him on Instagram and we post these pictures of John Denver albums

and a rock we found in a quarry once. It's like a whole community. It's like a whole beautiful community. Oh, God. This is our world, man. Jesus. I mean, Revelation tells us, right?

Why does it tell us that we should believe there, Rick? Go ahead and bust it out. Let's make sure to cite the appropriate passage. Oh, I can't wait. Because it's going to be like, and it tells us that there's like locusts in our world. Let it tell me one thing that doesn't sound insane. Okay, here we go.

21. Verse 8. Verse 8. Oh oh thank you for the verse 8 there i didn't know glad he's not prepared for his own show is that like one of those one of those mini post-it notes that you could put underneath something when you flip the arrow on it or does doesn't have every bible come with its own like little bookmark anyway i was gonna say like don't there's like special little like pay attention to me stickers for your Bible. Yeah. You think you'd have that or know his Bible better or have just prepped this ahead of time.

There's just like little crosses. Verse eight, Revelation 21, verse eight. But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire. Again, liars get it rough in Revelation. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, yeah. Well, it's

liars, but then there's like cowardly? Yeah. Like, why are you attacking somebody just because, I mean, like, what were they supposed to do? Yeah, right. Well, I feel like if Revelation's coming true, like, I'm pretty supposed to do? Yeah, right. Well, I feel like if Revelation's coming true, like, I'm pretty fucking cowardly. Like, the bugs have swords and shit. I don't like bugs that have stingers.

I'm staying in the house. Could you imagine you go to the carnival during Revelation and all those little locusts with bees are around the garbage can or whatever? The little locusts with armors

around the garbage can? No, no. Oh, my gosh. They're hard enough to kill as it is. Jesus Christ. They're locusts. Yeahors around the garbage can no no i mean gosh they're hard enough to kill as it is jesus christ they're locusts yeah they're like and all liars their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur which is the second death you throw lockers full of burning sulfur you swim over you're like hey what are you in for like i killed like all 40 people what are you in for? Like, I killed like 40 people. What about you? Like, I was fucking around. What about you? Like,

I said that I liked the beef burgundy at this dinner party, but it wasn't that good and it hurts all the time. I was just trying to be nice. Oh, that's amazing. There's one guy in there. He's just like, you know, I thought the U.S.

justice system had harsh penalties, but this is a little extra. Brendan Dassey's like, I got fucked again. I just get, are you kidding me? Poor Brendan. Can't even go to the commissary in the Lake of Fire. Looking around like, I should have fucked a witch. If I got to be here. So, sorcerers are witches. Yes. the commissary in the lake of fire looking around like i should have fucked a witch if i gotta be here so sorcerers are witches yes okay so witches my position is all right would you would you sleep

and have sexual relations with a murderer depends on the murderer i guess murder yeah i mean under what start yeah like i will say that there are circumstances where I'd be like, high five, let's do this thing. Yeah. I'd fuck Hitler. I'm just saying everybody should get one. Everybody should get one.

I think there should be a special tattoo if you have sex with a murderer. You should be able to like denote that somewhere on your body. Like one of the tears. Yeah, but like a dick. But it's like a squirty one. You know?

Would you crawl into bed with your spouse who whispers in your ear, I am a serial murderer. That is some weird bedroom talk. Yeah, but it might be the safe word. Right. Like, all right, well, yeah, we're playing games. All right.

Well, this is like advanced cops and robbers. It's like, are you want me to get out the handcuffs? Okay. I don't need to know the details of your offenses. I mean, do I have to keep you in your own room for 23 hours a day? Like, how does this work? How fast would you get out of bed? As soon as I was done.

As fast as a gazelle. You'd be out of bed right away. How fast does a gazelle get out of bed? I don't mean to be picky, but I don't think gazelles are known for getting out of bed. I don't want to throw a wrench here. There's a guy like Attenborough's talking there's a bed out on the Savannah

and he's like, and here we see the gazelle as it gets out of bed. Kind of puts one leg out like, so it's like a stretch. Reaches for its coffee like... And then boom, it's gone. The gazelle in its natural bedtime habitat.

Uh-oh, he didn't set the alarm. Well, in Tom Brady's case, you could get out of bed as fast as a jizz-el because that's the name of his wife. All right. So when your spouse whispers, I'm a witch, you better run just as fast. That you're genuinely a stupid human being. Like, I'm not even playing.

Like, genuinely. Genuinely. That is a under-intellectualized human being. I was in a meeting the other day, by the way, where somebody uttered this phrase, and I'm not even kidding. It was my favorite thing. I actually interrupted the meeting to tell him.

That's my favorite new thing. He said, I think that we are underdeveloped on consensus. Underdeveloped? I think we are underdeveloped on consensus. And I stopped. I was like, that is my new favorite way to say, we don't agree.

I love that. I am going to, every time I have a fight with somebody, I'd be like, I think we have an underdeveloped consensus. What the fuck? You should get into debates just so you could use that.

Oh my God. We need to do like a YouTube debate so you could just use that. Underdeveloped consensus. Patty, don't you realize what will happen to you if you refuse to receive Christ? Don't you think I know that? Then you've got to do it now. All right, this is from NBC News. Southern Baptist Convention, more than 200 ministers, ministers deacons and others have been found

guilty of sex abuse according to a report it's like 380 let's scroll up for just one second yeah it is it's more than two when they say more than 200 so this is why i laughed when i read this it's like more than 200 and then the sub headline is a total of about 380 and i thought like yeah it's almost a hundred percent more. Couldn't you just be like, yeah, you know, more than 10. Why don't we just use the number? Like, you know what I mean? Like that makes me crazy. A total of about, is it a total or is it an about? Just tell me if it's 382, that headline still works by just writing 382. Yeah. Or you could just say 380. And then if it's 382, you can still say in the article below, you know.

Yeah. It's okay. It's okay. What the fuck? 380 is a lot more than 200. Yeah. It's almost 100% more. I will take $380 over $200.

I know. It's so funny. Any day of the week. I will take 200 rapes over 380 rapes any day of the week. Yeah. Oh, my God. You know, like i i grabbed this story just to point out like we've been we've been talking a lot about uh catholic section we won't stop doing that either yeah well until they stop fucking kids or maybe come up with a policy called we're calling the cops and now you go to hell yeah right you know right because i do think it's

interesting that we just joked around about Rick Wiles. You know, oh, we're going to send people who play at magic and lie. Those guys burn a lake of sulfur. But you have noticed kid fucking isn't listed. Yeah, they didn't bother to write that in Revelation. Right? Yeah. And it's funny because you can't even fall back on the like, well, the corrupt and the immoral. Like that would fall under corrupt and immoral.

Really? Because then lying doesn't? Yeah. Murdering doesn't? Right. Don't throw out a category with specifics and then say, well, then other specifics

I decide on later live in the specifics. And adultery is just lying. Yeah, right. Adultery is lying. Yeah, it's super lying. It's just lying. That's it.

It's not anything other than lying. There's a great George Carlin skit where he takes all the Ten Commandments and he reduces it down to like two

where he's just like, yeah, don't lie. And don't kill people. You know what I mean? Like, because like there's a lot of stuff that's like, you know, you're lying. Yeah, there's three. I think it's don't steal. Don't lie. And don't even like killing people.

It's like you took my life. Yeah, right. Yeah. I guess it's a steal. Don't. Yeah. Don't take my stuff. Don't take and don't lie.

And they really just boil down to that. But it's like, we've got to be really specific that you got to, you can't be envious of some other person. You know, you're like, why is that on there? Why is you can't envy somebody else's shit, but you can't. And then we create an entire society built on envy. Right. And then we have that as a sin. right and then we have that as a sin imagine just like minor inner like minor like interactions you have where if you really weren't allowed any envy at all like if i was like cecil i would love to

show you my vacation pictures and you were like i can't care about that i can't look at that and be like that's a beautiful place i wish i got to you, I'd love to see that sometime. Oh, you'd love to see that? Huh? Are you, are you, you know what I mean? Like envy, like mild envy is, is all an appreciation. Like they're built into that. Like you can't separate them. Like I got a, I got this beautiful new home. I'd love to show it to you. If I saw it, I might like it too much. I would like it. And I would want something for myself like that. Right. And I would think to myself, oh man, this entranceway is beautiful. We should do this at home. No, God damn it.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it's like, you just wouldn't care about what other people did. Sure. It's a stupid fucking thing to do. Yeah.

But in this case, I want to talk, I want to jump back here real quick. We're talking about, um, I'm talking about, uh, the kids,

a bunch of kids and past, a bunch of pastors. It says, um, the, the Houston Chronicle wound up printing an expansive investigation that had 220 pastors, ministers, and deacons and volunteers and Sunday school teachers who were found guilty of sexually abusing churchgoers over 20 years. And more than 250 have been charged and roughly 380 leaders and volunteers, volunteers have faced allegations of sexual misconduct. So it's not,

they haven't been convicted, but they faced allegations of those things. And they, they went out like, so, and this, this one priest is like, I'm glad we live in a country.

And I think he even says, he says, I, um, he's like, the saddest thing is that we didn't do it ourselves. This, this pastor, he's a, he's a pastor.

And he says, that's why you need a free press in America. He's happy that they did it. He went out of his way to say, I'm actually happy that they went out of their way to make this report, to put all this stuff out there, to put all these people in a database, you know, a QuickBooks-style database of all diddlers. You know what I mean? They went out of their way to do that. And these, you know, you look at the difference between the Baptist here, at least this one Baptist, right? So like, I want to be very clear. They're focusing the article on this

one guy, right? And so we're not hearing, you know, a bunch of voices and whether or not they're all for this. So I don't know that. And I can't speak for that, but I can speak for this one guy and say, wow, I wish more religious people were like this guy because this guy has a view of this that is, I want to protect the public from bad people, period. I don't care if they're in my brotherhood. Whereas the priests in the Catholic church have been sweeping this under the rug.

They don't have a database. We saw, we read the database online for the Catholics. Oh, yeah. There's this huge, giant, extensive database that's certainly not provided by the Catholic church. Yeah, right.

Yeah, they don't provide that as a service. And the same thing here. They don't provide this as a service. This was done by somebody else. But he's saying it's a good thing that it was done. He wishes that they'd have done it on their own. Yeah, the only time you don't want sunshine

in your house is when you're afraid of it, right? When you're afraid of what we'll expose. And like these, at least like, I'm right there with you. He's like, all right, yeah, we should harbor these guys. And any organization that seems to have this like protectionism around their leaders is like,

who wants leaders that fuck kids? Who wants, who's like, you know what? Well, we don't want to ruin their reputation. Well, I mean, like, why don't we investigate it? And if it's true, if it's not true, it won't ruin them. Right? If it's not true, it won't ruin them. And if it's true, you want them ruined because you want to pick a new leader. Wouldn't everybody

just want a new leader? Like, it would be like, well, what if I don't have somebody to be in charge of me? What would I do then? Can you think of any secular version of this where they prop up a, like a person who's like a shitty person? Presidency. Presidency. You're right now. You're right. Let's go to, let's go to atheists then. Let's go to humanists and atheists. No, I can't think. Cause every time that somebody's come out as a leader

in one of these communities, I've seen they've been ostracized. Right. They've been taken out and they're no longer part of the community. As much as I can remember, and I welcome anybody

to send me a message and say, no, this happened here and this person is this. And, you know, you talk about David Silverman, like he was immediately removed the moment that stuff came out.

It means he was immediately removed by their board. They, the, Lawrence, Lawrence Krauss, removed the moment that stuff came out it means he was immediately removed by their board um they the uh lawrence what lawrence krauss he was uh he was on a panel with a couple of really famous atheists and he got removed from that panel yeah so i've seen it happen a couple times i'm you know i'm welcome to like i say i'm willing to hear any other times that it's happened that they have ignored it or swept it out of the rug but i can't remember any off the top of my head yeah I think I think what what certainly does not happen is that like they don't get like reassigned to a panel somewhere else yeah to reoffend right right yeah yeah that's crazy a lot of panel you're not on this panel we're

gonna move you to another panel yeah we're gonna put you yeah the problem is is that they can't do any of this shit that the reason why they yeah. The problem is that they can't do any of this shit. The reason why they're getting caught nowadays is because they can't do this shit with the internet. You know what I mean? Like, if somebody gets caught diddling kids somewhere,

that stuff's a lot easier to find out now than it was 30 or 40 years ago. It's a lot easier to tell everybody. Yeah, exactly. There's a communication channel to the everybody.

Yeah, and there's probably many support groups all around the world that talk about this stuff. And I'll tell you what, if I was in one of the support groups, let's say I was in a support group in, you know, in the Chicago area, let's say I was raped by a priest and I was in a support group in the Chicago area. And somebody posted in that group from so-and-so place and said, I was sexually abused by this priest and he's moving to Chicago. I sure as shit would let

everybody know that I know that's in the church, that that person is there. You know what I mean? So that's kind of communication. It just freely can happen more often. So that's why I think it just facilitates that sort of thing. So these things, I think, are going to be a lot more common in the future. There's just going to be more people and there's going to be more ways to track it. And there's not going to be an easy place to hide anymore. Well, this is that sunshine.

Yeah. Lord, we just asked it to be covered with the blood of Jesus. Open hearts, Lord. Open hearts. A story comes from The Guardian. George Pell's lawyer says child abuse was plain vanilla sex as Cardinal heads to jail. I read this article in fucking stunned disbelief. Yeah, yeah, me too.

read this article in fucking stunned disbelief yeah yeah i mean too not that it happened so much that like the attorney for cardinal pell is so fucking tone deaf to the fucking world that's going on around him right now so pell is is convicted now and is headed to jail for having sex with two 13 year old boys he i don't want to say having sex. He fucking raped. He raped his two kids. So I want to change that language. He raped two 13-year-old boys, right? And the attorney during there having this like, hey, maybe you should give me

a lighter sentence, like that portion of the program. Because he's already been convicted of this stuff. Yeah. So it's now like the considerations around sentencing portion of the trial, right? And the lawyer is like, all right, look, here's the thing.

It was plain vanilla sex as if to indicate that like, had the sex been a kinkier rape? How else can you read that? I don't know. I don't know, Tom. I don't know. Like if you had fur line handcuffs when you were raping a kid. Well, I like if you made one of the kids change into a sexier outfit.

Well, here's the thing. I mean, like I did a little cosplay first. Yeah. I played priest. No, damn it. Okay, you got me, judge. That was a trick question. See, I was doing this exhibitionist thing where I don't wear underwear underneath my giant cassock robes.

Like it's a fucking rape there. You cannot have a plain vanilla rape. That's it's the dumbest thing. It's what, what, what is the craziest thing about that statement is the fact that someone went out of their way. The priesthood went out of their way to find somebody who is as blase about

sexual assault as they are. That's what, that's what I mean. Right. Like it's just a mirror of how they treat this stuff. It's unbelievable. And then you read further into the details of what happened

and I'm sorry, but you can't even describe the events that occurred as plain vanilla in any way. I know. He grabs a 13-year-old boy and mouth fucks this 13-year-old boy, like, grabs his hair. Both of them.

And forces him to perform oral sex. In what world is like, well, it's just like a Wednesday night quickie where you grab your wife's hair and you force her to her fucking knees and you mouth fuck her. Like you do in just a regular, you know, hey, honey knees, then you motherfucker. Like you do in just a regular, you know,

hey, honey, I love you. I'm just going to grab you by the hair and motherfucker. This guy is, it's unreal. I want to read part of this too, because he also, because after this sexual assault occurs, right? After this, after, I'm

babying this up. After he rapes these two boys, right? I'm babying this up forying this up after he rapes these two boys. Right. I'm babying this up for no reason. After he rapes these two boys later on, as they're passing in the hall, he reaches outell grabbed one of the boys by the genitals and attacked that lasted seconds was fleeting and not worthy of a jail sentence. There's no five second rule on grabbing somebody's dick. I don't care how much you want to put it in your mouth. I just want to know what genital assault on a 13-year-old is fleeting enough that you're like,

well, that's not a jail sentence assault on a 13-year-old is fleeting enough that you're like, well, that's not a jail sentence assault on a 13-year-old. Yes, it's always jail time. There's no like it was a playful genital sexual assault on a child. Yeah. I don't know why everyone's all worked up about this. Yeah. How fucking obtuse do you have to be? Yeah.

And then like he makes a comment like look if the kid the kids weren't even all that upset about it had they been that upset they would have gone home yeah and they would have seemed upset and it's like that's not what we know about sexual assault victims right that like every and i'm just like like part of me wonders is like are you working for the prosecution right it's almost like he like he's punking Pell. Yeah. By being obtuse. I was kind of like, well, what about if we put forward your arguments? Oh my God, this is going to be great. Hold on. Tell me again. It was fine when you did the mouth rape of the child. Oh my God. Okay. I'll tell. Let me try that to the judge. Hey, judge, here's what he says. All right. He said it was cool

because it was like a vanilla rape. No, no. All right. Hold on. Let me try that to the judge. Hey, judge, here's what he says. All right. He said it was cool because it was like a vanilla rape. No? No. All right, hold on. Let me see what he says. Oh, no. He says it was cool because when he assaulted him, it didn't last that long. It was fleeting contact.

Yeah. No? Still going to go to jail. Okay, hold on. One more try. One more try. Third time's a charm, judge. Hold on.

Hold on. Really? That's, you want me to say that out loud? Okay. He says the rape doesn't count because the kid didn't seem that upset about it. Okay. Life in prison. Awesome.

Yes. My job is the best job. One of these people, there was victims that came to the hearing. Oh, this is great. Dozens of abuse survivors and advocates, as well as supporters of Pell. dozens of abuse survivors and advocates, as well as supporters of Pell. The survivors were in badges emblazoned with quotes about child abuse from Pell over the years.

Here's the two quotes that are quoted in the article. Quote, it was not of much interest to me, end quote, and quote, it's all gossip until it's proven in court, end quote. Saddest part of this article, though, is that one of the people committed suicide. Pardon me, maybe it was a drug overdose, but maybe brought on by something like this. I don't know.

I'm not going to say. I'm not going to know that for sure. But drug overdose when he was 30. But his father actually testified as part of the, you know, as one of the victims. As one of the victims. And they were arguing against that, too. They were saying that know, as one of the victims. As one of the victims. And they were arguing against that too.

They were saying that he's not one of the victims. Like, no, he is directly a victim of this. Yeah, I think like if your child dies and like their life is all fucked up and like they were raped by somebody in a position of trust and authority. Like, yeah, I'm like, yeah, 100%, 100%. Like, that man lost his child.

And I think it is reasonable to say that, like, it's likely that this had something to do with it. You can't know for sure. I don't know for sure. But I'd be sure interested in hearing from that guy. Because somebody's got to speak for him, too. Like, just because this guy died doesn't mean he doesn't deserve representation as a victim. And like, absolutely, his dad has a got to speak for him too. Like just because this guy died doesn't mean he doesn't deserve representation as a victim. Right. And like absolutely his dad has a right to speak for him. Who else is going to speak for him? Yeah.

The priest is literally standing there saying like, look, it wasn't that bad when I raped him. I'd like to go to jail for less time. That's his argument. That's his argument is it wasn't that bad. You know, this is also one of the, it could be, I think, the biggest person who's ever faced charges

for this. I think they were saying he's like the treasurer of the Vatican or something for a while. Yeah. So like a big deal. Like this Cardinal is a big deal. And you know, it's... What's after Cardinal? Blue Jay? What is it? Is it, I don't know, I don't remember.

Is it Great Horned Owl? It's Big Bird. Abortions for all. Very well. No abortions for anyone. Abortions for some. Mini miniature american flags for others all right this story comes from the new york times vatican secret rules for catholic priests who have children uh spoiler alert it's not leave the priesthood and take care of your kids

that's not the rule yeah right and like i, I read this and I thought, the only rule should be, uh-oh. Anyway, I now have a responsibility that I need to take care of. And the church has ownership of some of that responsibility because it employed me. And I was acting under the guises

of that church. And so now guess what? We all have a responsibility. And how are we going to, you know, manage through this? The hierarchy of problems when you come to this is, you know,

you started at the top is if it was a rape, because there were some of these that were rapes. Absolutely. If it was a rape, we got to pay attention to that. That's something that,

you know, like absolutely, you know, if they're not taking care of their responsibilities as an adult, you know, you had a kid,

you've got to take care of that. Again, you know, child support or however that works, leave the priesthood, become married, to take care of that. Again, you know, child support or however that works, leave the priesthood, become married, or, you know, even just, you know, child support after you get your own job outside. Yeah. The part that I'm the least interested in is this long part of the article where they're talking about celibacy. Like, I don't give a fuck. Like, I don't give, I give so little

fucks that these guys don't fuck. Well, it's like there's nothing but evidence to suggest that almost none of these people are successful at celibacy. Right? So, like, when you read the statistics around celibacy, almost none of them are 100% successful in their vows of celibacy across the term of their priesthood. At some point, many, many, many, many, many many many many many of them lapse in one way or another yeah and nobody outside your weird clubhouse nobody cared no that's the thing that like i feel like the world wants to be like oh it's my shame literally everyone thinks you should be fucking yeah it will make you less weird yeah right everybody's like yeah it's like oh i had sex with a woman so So did I yesterday.

Okay, cool. That's the thing people do. Why are you so weird? After you're 14 or 15, nobody cares anymore. I know. Literally, nobody cares anymore. There is a part of your life as a young child until you're a little older than that, maybe 18, 19, 20, something like that. But at a certain point, if you come and be like, dude, I totally got laid last night, everybody's just like looking

at you like, what the fuck are you talking? Who the fuck cares? Why are we having a conversation about your personal life? That's weird. Holy shit. So yeah, I'm right. But the one thing that, again, we're talking about rapes again. We're talking about rapes and now you're talking about rapes of nuns and women that are outside the church.

And they're producing children. And so they have a whole document in the church on how to deal with these kids. And they call the kids, there's a name for it. They call the kids, they say, you're actually called children of the ordained. They said, He was shocked to find they have a term for it. Actually, Children of the Ordained is my sister and Mercy cover band. So I call dibs

on that. Dibs on Children of the Ordained. But isn't that crazy? They have a whole name for it. I know. Well, they got to call him something. Oopsie. You can't call the guy the Godfather. It doesn't work that way. Do you know what I wonder? I wonder how many priests father a child

and then encourage it to be aborted. That was... You know that it happened. There should be a movie like that. You, 100% know. Are you saying that because there is one? I'm just saying it. Oh, because you got a smile like...

No, it would be a cool... Like maybe I missed the cultural reference. No, it would be cool. It would be cool. It reminds me of like... It reminds me of... I don't of like, it reminds me of, I don't know. It just reminds me of

Dirty Dancing. I was trying to think of another abortion movie, but that was the first one that came to mind. Snow Falling on Cedars? Godsford Park. No, that's a different movie. That's not an abortion movie. What's that one with the guy

with the Spider-Man in it? It's an abortion movie. He's an apple orchard guy or something. Yeah, it's not snow falling on cedars. It's another one. Orchard, something orchard. Angry orchard cider, I think. Bloody orchard.

I don't know what it is. I know what you're talking about. Yeah, yeah. It's that farm abortion movie. Farm abortion. No, I gotta look it up. Cider house rules. Yeah, all right. It is cider. Yeah, I was that farm abortion movie. Farm abortion? No, I got a link in the... Cider House Rules. Yeah, all right.

It is cider. Yeah, I was thinking cedar cider. I kind of was like... Angry Cider House Rules. We were close. Angry Cider House Rules. Just a red apple. Isn't it funny how the church struggles

to contend with issues that aren't hard to contend with? I know, man. Because their rules are so hard to work around that instead of being like, maybe this is a bad rule, instead they're like, maybe we deny the reality of what happened. Maybe we just, well, they've been denying reality forever, so it's not hard. It's so funny, though. They're just like, all right, this is a sticky wicket.

And it's like not really yeah uh-uh no rapists go to jail otherwise father the kid you gotta pay for it yeah we're gonna have a long list of other options when at a job i was at there was a cfo the cfo they sent out a letter that the cfo was let go. Like the CFO was basically let go. And they specifically said in the letter that the CFO was not let go because of financial impropriety is what they said. And I found out later, the reason why the CFO was let go

is because he impregnated his secretary. And I love the fact, what I love about that story is the idea that he's in the office being like, you have to make sure that you put this in there so that people don't think. But he's like,

oh, because he fucked his secretary and got her pregnant while he was married. You know what I mean? Like, it's like a big, awkward thing. And they didn't want to have like a Jerry Springer fight in the middle of the place.

So just like, we're just going to let you go then, Bill. And that's the end of it. Do you remember the very first title company that I worked for that was like insane

and run by like criminals? Yes. Oh, they burned the place down. They burned the place down. Weird parties and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So like- They burned the place down

like fucking good fellas. Like good fellas. They burned the place down. They stole over a million and a half dollars and they burned it down. No, no, none of them because they- Actually, there's an fellas. They burned the place down. They stole over a million and a half dollars. Are they in jail? No, no, none of them. Because actually there's an article about it in the Tribune.

Like they didn't go to jail because all the records of their action burned up. They burned up where their servers and shit are. Yeah, they're fine. I mean, they're out of the... They're not doing title anymore? That's not their business anymore. Oh, that's weird. Yeah.

But like the owner of that... Other Niponzi schemes. I think so. Yeah. One of the owners of that company got kicked out of the state of Ohio for fraud. The entire state?

He wasn't allowed. He's not allowed to practice insurance in Ohio. Oh, I see. He got kicked out of Ohio. It's like a guy that... He shows up at the border and they're like

tapping a billy club on their head. You can't come back in here, buddy. He no shit impregnated the secretary who was married, moved her when he got kicked out of Ohio, moved her to Illinois, pregnant, where she worked for me. office so she could get a paycheck and she sat and just was pregnant and filed her nails and was the owner's pregnant mistress wife whatever and like i was like if you remember i was like 24 25 pregnant mistress wife like whatever and the and the and the the card has like a big bump on it and she would ask me like what should i do and i'm like don't have a baby here like and she like and she would like she didn't work she would show up sometimes i never gave her one task to do and like never not she sat

like played on the internet and filed her nails and like she was pregnant she was your podcast and a few times i remember a few times she'd come to me like want to like complain about her husband and i'd be like oh we can't do that i was like this is my favorite I was like, this is my favorite story. I was like, absolutely not. It's uncomfortable. Paying someone illegally to do work is my favorite. I don't think it's illegal. No, you're right. You can go to work and not get

that. You're right. It's not illegal. It's not illegal. You're right. It's not illegal. It's highly unethical, but it's not illegal. And not unethical for you either because it's not your job. I just want to be like, I can't fire you, but I can't ask you to do anything because if you just don't do it,

you're still the pregnant boss, mistress, wife thing. Right? You have no recourse, right? She could fucking drop a Cleveland steamer on a desk right now. She didn't give a shit. So I was like,

well, I don't give a shit. And I was like, the only rule in my office is you can't have a baby in it. So if you start to not feel pregnant anymore, I need you to go to a hospital. Stopping it up with mortgage documents till it goes. You're getting out of here. I come in the name of Jesus by the power of the Holy Spirit.

The devil is a motherfucking liar. So, you know, I ain't worried. Bitch. Stupid bitch. You goddamn devil worshiper, I ain't worried. Bitch. Stupid bitch. You goddamn devil worshiper. You ain't got no excuse. This story comes from Vox.com. An ex-cardinal has been defrocked for sex abuse.

This is likely never happened before. That was interesting. Yeah, this is for this. This is that guy in Australia, right? McCarrick. McCarrick, yeah. Yeah. And so he's got fucking defrocked, right? McCarrick. McCarrick. Yeah. Yeah.

And so he's got to fucking defrocked, which I think is great. Like there, there is a point. And I wanted to talk about this because it's like the part of the article and the part of the headline is like, this is likely never happened before. We've talked about this a hundred times. Like there's no reason that shouldn't happen every time,

every single time. Every single time. Right? That's in the rule book. And they just got together and had a great big meeting. The Catholics just got together and had a great big meeting called, well, what do we do about sex abuse of children? And they had to call a meeting for something that could be solved with an email. Right? with an email, right? And I, in a meeting, they were like, well, you know,

it's good to raise awareness amongst our fucking people and talk to them about it and get everybody to feel like empathy for the victims. And I'm thinking like, why do you have to teach your moral leadership

how to feel empathetic toward victims of child sex abuse? Seems like a weird workshop. It's a real weird workshop. Okay, so you know who feels real bad? Seems like it'd be a short workshop, too. So, yeah, they don't... There wouldn't be a lot on your whiteboard.

Yeah. Okay, I'm going to go ahead and brainstorm. What the fuck? What the fuck? You don't need a complex diagram to figure this out. There's not a lot of Venn diagrams you need to draw. And the defrock is great, but it's also like, that's step one. Yeah.

And I remember, I think about this and it's like, well, defrock basically means you're fired, right? That's what it means. It means you can't be a priest anymore. Yeah. So you're fired. Maybe we'll find another home for it, like in administration or whatever. No, I think it's...

Defrocked means... It's not excommunicated. Because excommunicated means you're done with the church forever. You can't even be part of it. So you're right. I think it does mean you can probably push a broom or something. As long as that's not near any kids or something. Could they hire you to be the secretary?

I don't know. I don't know the answer to that. In a non-priesty position? I don't know the answer to that. I know excommunicated and defrocked are not the same thing. Well, and I know excommunicated is like you are separated from God, right?

Like theologically. Oh, yeah. So there is a theological component too. So I don't know exactly where all these things intersect. I think, from what I read, I think defrocked is one thing, but you're not

kicked out of the church, which means you can still repent. You still go to heaven. You can still have, which like, if you're religious, isn't that the big deal part? Like if you're really, really super religious care about it. Yeah. So it's like, all right, look, you can't go to Disneyland on Thursday, but Saturday you get to live at Disneyland for the rest of your life. Oh, what a punishment. It's like when I hear like, it's like when you hear the Jesus story as a secular person, you're like,

well, he died. No, not really. Yeah, no. He died in the sense that he knew this was going to be uncomfortable. He died like I get fucking dental surgery. That's going to be uncomfortable. That's not going to be fun. But when I'm done, it doesn't really have any long lasting impact because I know Well, he died like I get fucking dental surgery. Like, that's going to be uncomfortable. That's not going to be fun. Yeah.

But when I'm done, it doesn't really have any long-lasting impact because I know that the benefit outweighs the discomfort. I remember hearing a story. I was talking to somebody about the Jesus Chainsaw Massacre movie. Yeah, the... Repressed the 10 things I hate about Jesus. Or whatever it is.

What is it? Oh, the Passion. The Passion of the Christ. The Passion Fruit of the Christ. What is it? Oh, the passion. The passion of the Christ. The passion fruit of the Christ. Yeah, the passion fruit of the Christ. It's delicious. They open them right up and pull. I'll tell you what,

they squeeze that fucker. But they just beat, they beat Jesus to death in the movie or whatever, you know, and you get a chance to see it. And I guess people like fucking really enjoyed it.

But the person I was talking to, it was funny because I actually talked to two priests about it and one of them loved it and one of them hated it. Okay. Which was interesting to see sort of in there. They're in the same organization to, it was funny because I actually talked to two priests about it, and one of them loved it and one of them hated it. Okay. Which was interesting to see, sort of, and they're in the same organization. So it was interesting because I was working for a religious organization at the time.

But this guy, somebody else who I was talking about it, they were talking about how amazed and how much they loved it because it showed how much Jesus loved everybody and how he died for us. He died for us. He died for us. And I kept thinking the exact same thing. I'm like, yeah, I mean, he had a real bad day,

but Jesus doesn't die. Like Jesus doesn't die in the end. Like everybody else. It's like, it's like when the guy in altered carbon has to put on a new skin suit, he didn't really die. His little fucking microchip is still existent. And he's now,

his consciousness is still here. There's a difference between being obliterated and then you know, coming back. And then coming back. Like really really uncomfortable, don't get me wrong. I mean you can be really super uncomfortable but it's gonna stop. And like the biggest thing to me that seems like

I've never died obviously but like when I think about death one of the things that is scariest to me, that would be it would be a great comfort to know like, well, yeah, but I have spoken to actual God who I am also somehow part of. So I got a real intimate knowledge of this. I'm going to be fine. There's no worry.

Right. So like all of the fear component would be gone. You'd be like, okay, this is going to suck real, real bad. But all I have to do is deal with this horrible pain, which is a lot. But I am ultimately going to be just fucking fine. And people die for other people all the time. I read a story seriously this morning about a woman who got hit by a car. She pushed her kids. There's a road rage thing. Somebody's ramming their car into her car full of car. She pushed her kids. There's a road rage thing. Somebody's like ramming their car into her car full of kids. She pushed the stroller out of the way just in time. The guy hit her, smashes her against the car. Shut the fuck up. Are you serious? I'm dead serious. Yeah.

And like she dies. And like, I think like people are anyway, she died for someone else, right? It's genuinely fucking heroic, but nobody's walking around with a fucking visage of her we're not like lighting because this shit happens a lot there's like a stroller on a chain that right that gets pushed out once in a while you know yeah because like i kind of feel like yeah all right her sacrifice was bigger yeah right because she doesn't know that she's coming back she's not part and parcel of the greatest creator of the universe

in that worldview. Sure. Big fucking deal. What they should do with these fucking priests isn't just defrock them. They should excommunicate them. If you really want to put

the fear of God into it. Yeah, absolutely. Put the fear of God into it. There should be some teeth to the punishment. Right. You know what I mean? Because none of these guys

have teeth anyway. So you should put some teeth in there so then they at least can chew something. Sorry, you're going to go to punishment. Right. You know what I mean? Because none of these guys have teeth anyway. So you should put some teeth in there so then they at least can chew something. Sorry, you're going to go to hell. Yeah. And there's only one thing we can do to make sure

that happens here on Earth. Yeah. And that's to excommunicate you. So, you know, not a lot of things are tossed into the fire for. Yeah. Lying.

Yes. Witchcraft, obviously. Clearly, that's on the list. Fucking liars. Yeah. Fucking liars. You know. yes witchcraft obviously clearly that's on the list fucking liars yeah fucking liars you know

trying to use an expired coupon yeah come on you're going you know you knew you knew you knew that that expired

and you're trying to get your 20% at Bed Bath & Beyond that we will not be doing our patrons this time. We promise we'll do our patrons next time. It's been a couple of weeks, but it's because we are going on a short break and recording all this ahead of time. So we don't have time.

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listen to too. All as soon as you become a patron. We got a message and this message is from the Aralutz. I don't know. I don't know if I'm saying that right. Anyway, basically, this person is saying, look, I think you guys are saying hijab wrong. And I don't think we are,

but I'm going to play it and people can point out. I'm going to play it really quick. Hijab. Hijab. Hijab. I think I'm saying it right. Maybe we're saying it right now because we just heard it. Yeah, but I...

But we can't hear the subtle inflection difference. I don't know what I'm saying that's different, but I'm sorry if I'm mispronouncing it. I know it's making you freak the fuck out, and I'm sorry if I'm mispronouncing it. I know it's making you like freak the fuck out and I'm sure. I'm sorry. I just, let me try. Berka. Yeah. That's close. It's close. It's funny because I work with a Hispanic lady

and she has no accent. She's born here, right? But every time she says a word that is explicitly Spanish in Spanish, she drops into the deepest accent when she says a word that is explicitly Spanish in Spanish, she drops into the deepest accent. When she says like,

how, how, how the, like, it's like, it's just like, like the way she says stuff when she says, what else does she say?

That makes me laugh. There's a couple of things that she'll say. So would you like some guacamole? That's exactly what she'd be like, guacamole. And I'll be like, and it always shakes me because I'm always just like, she'll just be talking.

I'll be like, guacamole. And I'll be like, what the fuck just happened over there? I don't think it's all the Spanish language. It's like Romulan. That's what it sounds like to me, Tyler. They all sound like that. No, it's they all look alike, not they all sound alike. No, but she seriously drops into it and always throws me for a loop.

So we got a message from Keith, and Keith, we were talking about Skippy last time. Skippy was a name that we thought was something you should probably change. We'll be talking about an Australian version of Skippy a little later on this email segment, but Keith says, maybe it's perspective, but Skippy sounds normal. I work with a

55-year-old man who wants to be called Dragon, and Dragon is spelled obscenely wrong. I know how to sound dragon guys he says he answers the phone dragon here how can i help i would hang up no way would you fill out mortgage docs for a guy named dragon there's no world where i think somebody named dragon can help me i don't even think they can help themselves right like what what problem do i have where somebody named dragon is gonna make it better like you know you don't have any friends when you have to make up your own nickname that's exactly true

ah people like to call me rip no no no they don't no no no they don't they don't do that you know what you are home they don't do that. You know what? You are home. They don't do that, Francis. You typed that. All right. So I want to play this clip. This is from Andy, listener Andy. And this is both Tom and I grew up on this show. This is Adam West's Batman. I want to conduct a campaign that deals with the issues. I'm convinced the American electorate is too mature to be taken in by cheap vaudeville trickery. mature to be taken in by cheap vaudeville trickery. After all, if our national leaders were elected on the basis of tricky slogans,

brass bands, and pretty girls, our country would be in a terrible mess. Wouldn't it? Oh, Adam, you passed away. You're very sad right now.

Hearing that. Live your life like a candle in the wind. We got a message from Brian and Brian says the prettiest state in the country is Hawaii. I bet you forgot it's a state. I'm sorry. I cannot name the prettiest flyover state. All flyover states I've been to were brown and dead.

Brown and dead. Only nine months out of the year. I love it. They bloom for two hours a year. So funny. Anyway, we got a video that I'm going to post on this week's show notes. Evidently. And now I don't know if this is true,

right? So like someone could have edited this video. It's very possible that someone heard our show, edited this video. Cause it's, I watched this with my mouth,ape that this was a real thing. But they said, this is from Mark. And we also got this on Twitter.

A couple of people sent it to us on Twitter and different places. They were like, take it easy on Skippy. Skippy is an Australian kangaroo. I guess they're all Australian. Kangaroo. A kangaroo. He's a Namibian kangaroo. He's a Yatutskian kangaroo. But anyway, he's a kangaroo. I guess they're all Australian. Kangaroo. A kangaroo. He's a Namibian kangaroo. He's a Yatutskian

kangaroo. But anyway, he's a kangaroo or was a kangaroo because I don't think they lived that long. From the 60s and 70s he kangaroo was. Is that a kangaroo recent? That's for sure. 60s or 70s and it's an Australian TV show that was like, I guess

like Lassie where he had like a kangaroo and a wallaby and like a stinky-ass fucking koala. Yeah, I watched this. It's funny because the opening sequence is a kid holding a koala and I'm like, that kid is vomiting in his mouth right now.

Holding that fucking fetid poop animal. They smell bad though, right? They smell awful. Haley and I held one, and it's like all we wanted to do was put it back down. We paid for the privilege of, like, standing in a long line to hold it, and it's like, here's your fucking poop rat to hang onto it.

It smells... It's like coming to Chicago, and they give you a sewer rat to hold on. You get off on a plane, and they're like, instead of, like, Hawaii, where they put the land, they just hand you a sewer rat to hold up. You get off on a plane and they're like, instead of Hawaii where they put the land, they just hand you a sewer rat in Chicago. And you're like, it's so big.

It's like the size of a small dog. I got to tell you, I was going to my car. I got a sewer rat story. I was going to my car. And I'm walking out to my car and I'm brushing my car off after the crazy snow. We had snow and right before brushing my car off after the crazy snow. We had snow.

And, but right before the snow, we had this crazy cold snap, right? So super crazy cold snap. And I walk around the one side of my car to scrape it off. I'm scraping it. And I turn on and I jump like,

ah, there's a rat. I'm not kidding. It's as big as this keyboard. It was like a small house rat. And it's laying on the ground, all super dead with its arms all sticking out. And its tail's about seven feet long.

And it's just laying there like a fucking, like, it looks like a dachshund. It's that big. And I jumped. And then I looked and there was a bunch of other mice and rats just dead because it was so cold in Chicago. The sewer rats just gave up. They're just like, no. Like, no, it's too cold for us sewer rats. That is upsetting. Who is going to train the turtles?

There's got to be a splinter around to train them. Oh, God. That's great shit. I did read something that it was so cold. The polar vortex was so severe and so cold that up to 95% of the invasive bug species may be dead. They may be dead. Yeah, that's what I heard too. It might actually have been a good thing. Yeah. Well, global warming rules.

Cooling. Pardon me. Cooling. I messed up. I messed up. It's cold outside. No more global warming. It's very cold. So we're going to wrap it up. We're going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter mommy issue hypno babylon bullshit couched in scientician double bubble toil and trouble pseudo quasi alternative

acupunctuating pressurized stereogram pyramidal free energy healing water downward spiral brain dead pan sales pitch late night info docutainment. Leo, Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques, and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands.

Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. Thank you.