Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 467: Gummy Worms

Episode Date: April 29, 2019

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This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from glory hole studios in chicago this is cognitive dissonance every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome mat. This is episode 466. Seven. seven is what i meant to say 467 i should just leave it

as 466 so ian has to come in make the fucking correction fix it for you fix it for you buddy god damn it oh gosh you know i i'm always chasing man i'm always at least a week behind i am not behind joe biden today oh he announced yeah what do we got 20 fucking contenders i know at this point i know and biden is one of those guys too that he he's had a track record of like like i didn't mind him as i didn't mind him as a vice president he was fine yeah um little mouthy little goofy it was fine right because you're not doing, little goofy. It was fine, right? Yeah. Because he's not doing

anything anyway and he wasn't voting like, you know, like Pence had to, I think, once or twice. He's not doing that. Right. So he was just a dude,

you know. But there's some stuff in his past that is not great. There's some political decisions that are hard. Yeah, definitely. The Anita Hill thing.

But, you know, to be fair, I am glad we have a 70-something white guy. Because that's what politics needs, is more septuagenarian white men. I will say, what we need more of is, to be honest, I kind of don't want really an

oldie Olderson anyway. I mean, I'll be honest, like, Liz Warren's got to really fucking wow me in order for her to be somebody who I think is, you know, somebody who I'm going to vote for in the primary, mainly because she's so fucking old. I know she's not. She's younger than Trump. Right. But I think only by a little.

They think they're both in their 70s. Yeah, they are. So, you know, these are not these are not spring chickens. There are some young people that are running and that's great. I would love to see, I just want to see people with a different perspective, period. I don't care where that different perspective comes from, but the same old perspective has not worked for any of the Republicans that I know and for some of the Democrats too. So, you know, it's just not, it's not a, it's not a net benefit for all of us. So I'd like to see a different perspective. I just

wish we had more choices. I'm hoping we get to two fucking dozen. Because we mocked the Republicans when they did this. So I want to be fair about mocking the Democrats. But the Republicans did win. Yeah, right. That's true. So at the end of the day. But you remember what a fucking clown car that was?

Ridiculous. And you know, like, how do you even get them all on stage for even a remotely fair town hall slash debate slash anything? You can't. You can't do it. You've got to pick the frontrunners and go with the frontrunners. So, you know, even just popularity contest polling is what's going to be the thing that's going to

basically get a couple of these people even to get on the same stage with each other. The other option is to do that MMA arm wrestling. Do you remember that? Yes. Do you remember MMA arm wrestling? There was also MMA chess.

Do you remember this? Was there really? Where you'd fight? Checkmate, motherfucker. It was either MMA or boxing where they would fisticuffs for a second and then they would call and then they would have to sit down

and like play speed chess. But they were all goofy and weird and like, I don't know. Come on, chicken, take out your hawk. Like they don't know what the fuck is happening. They scramble the other guy's brains. They scramble it up. And then see who is less scramble.

Who can protect themselves? I love America so much. I think it was Russian. It doesn't matter. It does sound Russian though, doesn't it? It sounds exactly like what they did to us during the election scandal. But anyway, the clown car that is the Democratic primary, it's going to be, you know, I know who I'm looking at and watching at this point.

I want to hear what they all have to say. That's the key is I want to, I want to, I want to sit down. I want to watch some debates. I want to hear what they have to say. So far, some of these platforms are really interesting. Some of the platforms, when we talk about, um, there's a guy, I think his name is Yang and I don't know if that's correct, but I think his name is Yang. He has a universal basic income bill that he immediately wants to put in into place where every adult gets X amount of dollars from the government and he's taxing. The way he's going to gather those funds is through automation. Any companies that have phased out jobs through automation, he's willing to tax those companies to get that money to give all Americans a universal basic income. There's Elizabeth Warren talking about recently about eliminating college debt.

And it's graduated, right? So like if you're at $500,000 a year, you won't get anything. Right. And up to $200,000 a year, it goes to something like that. Up to $200,000 a year. I think it's 250. Yeah. 250. Okay. So, but, but you know, if you're over a hundred, it starts diminishing, it's diminishing returns after a hundred. But you know, to be honest, there was a lot of pushback this week from a lot of people who were saying, oh, man, I think that that, you know, I had to pay back all my student loan debt. What the fuck? I hate that mentality.

It's a stupid mentality. If you're one of those people, stop that. Just because something was hard for you doesn't mean it should be hard for the other person. Why do we have technology anyway? That is, that's like, I used to walk uphill, you know, both ways to school. So is.

My dad used to spank me, so I spanked my kid. That means, you know, I used to walk uphill both ways to school. So is. My dad used to spank me, so I spanked my kid. That means, you know, I used to be a slave. I should be, you know, my kids should be a slave. Like, that's fucking nonsense. Think about all, you don't make progress if every awful fucking thing you had to endure, you're willing to inflict on someone else for what? The character building bullshit camaraderie nonsense that you think it is? Yeah.

Fuck that. It's not basic fucking training. It's life. What builds a better society? Yeah. More educated people. Yeah. Less debt.

Less debt. Right. Less worrying about stuff like that. Less people go to college. Yeah. When college costs continue to rise, it pushes less people to college. Less and less people are enrolling right now because they're looking at the world and being like, I don't want to walk away with $100,000 in student loan debt.

That's insane. It's madness. I'm going to go do something else. We cannot be a viable competitive superpower if we don't have an educated fucking populace. It's that simple. If you look at what you want out of society, it's not, well, I want a bunch of people

that suffer the way I suffer. If you think that way, it makes you an asshole. Yeah, it makes you- That makes you an asshole. I will say this too. You just said it. The fact is, is that when you look at how much a baby boomer had to pay to go to college

versus how much I had to pay versus how much someone else nowadays has to pay. Now, here's the thing. I'm still paying off student loan debt. I will still be paying off student loan debt for a while, right? So I clearly have a vested interest in this thing going away, right? I have clearly a vested interest in them writing off some of that. I want to get some of that student loan debt written off.

I'm still paying it off. I will still be paying it off for another 25 years, 20 years, something like that, right? It's going to be a long time. So, you know, it's, it, it, it's not, uh, but when you think about these kids that just get out right now, they have more debt than I incurred. And then I had way more debt than somebody else who graduated 10 years or 15 years before I did because college costs weren't going up. And, you know, there was more, there was way more grant money from the government back then,

way more ways to pay your college. Those types of things are all disappearing. It's all now loans, and it's all money that they're going to have to pay. It's so crippling that people just don't, like you said, they're not doing it. So it's a stupid thing because you're comparing apples to oranges

when you talk about how much money you're spending. It's apples to oranges. And, you know, someone had said, someone had posted, I might even be in a tweet or something where it's like, yeah, you know, I don't want vaccines because I want to make sure everybody else has, you know, has to deal with measles too. It's the same thing, right? It's the same asinine concept where it's like, no, I want to make sure that people who come after me have an easier life. I want to make sure that we make strides forward. Like you say, progress. There's no reason to do anything else. Well, I want that selfishly, right? Like I will not, they can pass this thing tomorrow. It doesn't, I have no student loan debt. I don't give a fuck, right? My income does not change whatsoever. I

have no student, but like I recognize it's better for the economy, right? Because every dollar that's put, that goes into a student loan debt repayment is a dollar that does not go into buying a house. It's a dollar that doesn't go into buying a car. It's a dollar that doesn't go into buying consumer goods. Those are the things that move the fucking economy around. Paying back your student loan debt does not move the economy around. So I will be personally benefiting from a more fucking robust economy. It's simple goddamn economics. It's easy shit. It's easy. And I want the world that I grow up or that I grow old in,

I should say, and that my kids grow up into, I want that world to be a world where we have better education because that's how we're going to solve the problems that we face, right? I'm going to come up with some fucking horrible disease. I'd like somebody to be like, well, lots of us are educated. So we fucking fixed it. Yeah. Oh, global warming is a big problem. Maybe there's some technological solutions.

Like we don't, we don't do anything good with a bunch of dumb ass dipshits walking around with fucking high school diplomas. Let's be honest. Yeah. It's not how we solve the world's problem. Yeah. It's not how we solve the world's problems. You are not going to solve the global warming crisis with just a high school environmental class. It's not going to happen. Yeah.

You'll be aware that you're fucked. It's not just not going to happen. You need, and you're right. The more smart people you have, the more training you have, the more you can put those people out into the world. It just makes it more likely, right? It just increases the likelihood. It doesn't guarantee, but it increases the likelihood.

Yeah, it makes sense. But people are really shitting on that plan. Yeah. And that, you know, like, the thing is, is like, at this point, everybody's bringing out their big guns, right? And then something, what did Camille Harris say in the first hundred days? She wants to have something happen with gun control, or she'll do it by executive order. So she was basically like, within the first hundred days, we wants to have something happen with gun control or she'll do it by

executive order. So she was basically like, within the first hundred days, we're going to do something. Now, that is almost certainly going to go to the Supreme Court because of the Second Amendment and you're going to lose. And you're going to lose because Kavanaugh's on there. You're going to lose. You're going to lose. I mean, I don't care how many judges you're going to lose unless they do something really crazy, like they come in and they sweep everything and then they're like, okay, guess what we're doing? We're raising the judge limit to 11, everybody. Well, you know, they can do that.

I know. I had no idea. They can absolutely do that. More judges. More judges. There's no limit. There's no hard limit. But if we do it, then someone else does it,

then someone else does it, then suddenly you got a whole Congress full of judges. There's 50, 51 judges. So, you know, there's got gotta be a limit at a certain point. But the thing is, is like, like there's no way that that's gonna pass. And, you know, so she's not gonna get it done legislatively. Right.

And even if she does, it's gonna be immediately opposed. And then anything she does through executive order, we found out through Trump, there's things that he's tried that they immediately oppose. And then they don't even make it to Supreme court. They make it to the federal court and the federal court's like hard. No, how about no. And then you can't do it. Right. And so it's got to get a repealed appeal appealed and eventually Supreme court will turn it down

or whatever. Right. But you know, like, well, right. Yeah. I refuse to hear it, but, but you know, the thing is, is like, she's bringing out her big guns. Other people are bringing out these big plans and big ideas. What it is is they're, they're, they're pinning themselves to that one thing. Yeah. Right. So it's like, what they're basically saying is I want all my one issue voters here. Right. All your one issue voters on gun control come to me for Camille Harris. All your one issue voters on college education come to me if you're Elizabeth Warren. And so it's all this one issue. Warren Buffett. Elizabeth Warren. And so it's all this one issue shit. I almost said Warren Buffett. Warren Buffett. Elizabeth Warren Buffett. Yeah, I would like to see

a qualified candidate. So no Buttigieg. Sorry. Like your governor, your fucking mayor of South Bend, Indiana. If I want to be consistent, I don't want Trump because Trump wasn't qualified.

Sure. Right? Trump's the fucking guy with no experience that matters. Sure. Buttigieg is a guy with no experience that matters. Maybe he's a very nice man. I don't want Trump because Trump wasn't qualified. Sure. Right? Trump's the fucking guy with no experience that matters. Sure. Buttigieg is a guy with no experience that matters. Maybe he's a very nice man.

I don't know. Yeah. But as far as I'm concerned, fuck that noise. Sure. I'm willing to hear him out, but I get it. I understand where you're coming from.

Fuck that noise on the fucking septuagenarian white guys. Right? I'm kind of there when it comes to that, for sure. You know,

like, you could die at any minute. You could die in the middle of this fucking thing. I will say, though, Bernie really did have a lot of great things to say in that town hall that he did. Yeah, he did a great town hall.

The thing is, it's not that I dislike all of their ideas. It's just that we are hiring a human being, in my mind, to do this job. And it's a real important job. And I'm not 100% convinced that somebody who's in their mid-70s is the person who's got their finger on the pulse of America. It feels like you lost your vision. I mean, you know, you lose your vision because they have to test it at the driver's license bureau all the time. Look, if you have to retest for your driver's license, I don't think you should be allowed to be president. I think there

should be a hard limit on that, right? It is exciting that a lot of these big ideas are very progressive ideas. Yeah. So like if you're European, you're like, that's a standard. Oh yeah. We're looking to get there.

Yeah. All right. Absolutely. That's so true. But it is nice that these are, like all the ideas on the left are pretty hard progressive ideas. Yeah.

Like they're, like if I would, I'll be honest, like if it's like, oh man, we hired so-and-so and he gave us Medicare for Yeah. Like, they're, like, if, I would, I'll be honest, like, if it's like, oh, man, we hired so-and-so, and he gave us Medicare for all. I'd be like, oh, that's a huge win. Yeah.

And we, it's like, oh, we got the other one, and they got, you know, free college tuition and student loan debt for giving us. I'd be like, oh, that's a huge win. Yeah. We got this one. I got gun control. It's like, I kind of, like, excited because I'd like any of those presents.

It's funny because when- I like everything on the wishlist. Exactly. I agree, right? I'm going to be okay. I'm going to be okay, guaranteed, with whoever wins this primary. Right. Like whoever wins this, we know we're shitting on Joe Biden to start out.

But if Joe Biden wins the primary, I'm voting for Joe Biden. Yeah. I mean, there's no way I'm not voting for Joe Biden. I'm going to vote for him. Think of all the hair he'll creepily smell. Oh my gosh. Is that Pantene? What is that? I like that. Is that Honey Treasures? Is that Herbal Essences? Fake an orgas vote for him. Think of all the hair he'll creepily smell. Oh my gosh. Is that Pantene? What is that?

I like that. Is that Honey Treasures? Is that Herbal Essences? Fake an orgasm for me. You'll just like all eyes to my women. Fake it. I can't tell the difference. I've proven that.

Just go ahead. It's true in some cases, but they aren't all valedictorians. They weren't all brought in by their parents. For everyone who's a valedictorian, there's another hundred out there that they weigh 130 pounds and they've got calves the size of cantaloupes because they're hauling 75 pounds of marijuana across the desert. All right, this story comes in the Washington Post. Steve King, rebuked by his colleagues for racist remarks, compares himself to Jesus. Oh, that's interesting.

Oh, okay. So Steve King is the Iowa senator, or pardon me, congressman, if people aren't familiar with who Steve King is. And he's the one who does the clip in our show with the 75 pounds of marijuana on their back and the calves the size of cantaloupes. He's the calves the size of cantaloupes guy. Nine times. He's been

elected nine times. Just in case you were wondering if that's going to take. It took an Iowa nine times. Yeah. Nine times as fucking racist. He won. So he was under a lot. Yeah.

Unbelievable. He was under a lot of criticism. He was removed from like all the committees. Right. He's not. I don't know what he does when he goes to work anymore. I don't know. He just stands there.

Just like. I guess he can still vote though. Right. So like, your vote still counts, but everything else that you do is just like, I guess I'm just hanging out inside. I have some ideas. Yeah, good. Yelling me

into a paper bag, asshole. Yeah, nobody fucking cares. Yeah. And he's pulled down because of his white nationalist comment. White nationalist, white supremacist, what's wrong with those things? I can't believe we can't say that shit anymore. When did white nationalism become such a bad word when did white supremacy

he says when you first said it yeah like the first time it was uttered everybody was like ah that's what

exactly a really long time like a hundred plus years people were like well that means you don't like black people like that's literally what that means

right that's what supreme yeah supreme is Right. That's what Supreme. Yeah. Supreme is on white. It's not a kind of burrito. I know. What the fuck? It doesn't mean like add sour cream.

That's not, it's the only difference. It's like, why are you paying an extra dollar for that? It really is the only difference. Yeah. I, I,

I'm always blown away that this guy gets reelected. And he had that, that problem when he talked about Mexicans, when he was talking about Mexicans. And he said something about planting peppers, jalapeno peppers. And he's like, yeah, you got to get dirt from down in Mexico.

He's like, it makes them grow better up here or something like that, is what he said. And then one of the people that were there said, there's plenty of dirt coming up from Mexico. He's like, oh yeah, there's plenty of dirt coming up from there and down there. And he still didn't get censured for that. He didn't get censured for that. He got censured for actually finally just saying out loud white supremacy. Do you know what amazes me? And I do

mean this is like how worked up people, like people like this get worked up about like their racist anti-immigration stuff. And they live in places where literally no immigrants live. Nobody from Mexico goes to Iowa. Like there's no immigrant. It's the fucking whitest place on earth. There might be some working there in the sense that there might be like a dairy farm with some workers and whatnot. They don't have some like massive influx of people of color, you know, just popping into their district.

They're getting worked up about shit that's not even colloquial to where they're at. Des Moines doesn't get crazy on Cinco de Mayo. Right, yeah. Des Moines doesn't get crazy. It's Des Moines. Like blink and you miss it. It's as big as the fucking garbage suburb I live in. Yeah.

Yeah, I was reading an article in the Times this last week, and it was talking about the spread of information and how people get galvanized over certain issues, issues like immigration. It was one of the examples. And it was funny because it was like, it was an example of a small town. I remember where the small town was.

And this town had no immigrants in it. They had like a Polish lady who immigrated like 30 years ago. Like had like virtually no immigrants. Did she beat a Jew with a stick? So we'll talk about that later. I'm not saying no. So I wasn't a Jew. It was just a plush Jew.

A plush Jew? So, but they were like, but this town, when they were interviewing the people, they were galvanized over the issue of immigration and they were virulently anti-immigrant, despite the fact that like immigration had literally no impact on their town. Sure. But because like we've become a global society, we've become a more national kind of culture, right? So we sort of do this thing where like we say all politics is local, but like really constituencies are not behaving in ways that reflect the locality of where they're at. And that's unique and it's interesting and it's new because our system of governance is based on locality, right?

We hire a district congressperson to represent a certain number of people because there are local issues that we want addressed. And those people now look at national broad macro issues to galvanize people over things that do not fucking affect them. And that is a new and weird space that we're in. Yeah. And I don't think we're doing a great job of it. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Because we're working against our actual best interests when we don't look at politics as the local issues that they are. That's literally why you have a congressman and why your senator is different than that. Yeah. You're all sick!

Oh, be nice. Oh, my son doesn't stand a chance. The whole world's gone gay. Oh my God, what's happening now? We work hard. We play hard. I love this. This is from deadstate.org. I love this. This is from deadstate.org.

I love this because it's so on the nose and he doesn't know it, right? Anti-gay Christian activist. People like me will be hated if Pete Buttigieg becomes president. So this is specifically talking about LaBarbera, Peter LaBarbera. And he heads the Americans for Truth about Homosexuality thing.

I don't know what that is. What the fuck? I don't know. But he was on a show called Crosstalk. And he was like, look, you know, if somebody like Pete Buttigieg becomes president, then that's going to normalize homosexuality. And I read that and I was like, it's already normalized.

Yeah. For everybody but the fucking weird closet cases like you. Yeah, the people that are very, very religious, it's not. Yeah. But the rest of this nation, it's fine. Like, we're in a place where, like, the polling data shows

that the vast majority of people are generally very accepting of the LGBTQ community. Like, that's just a true thing now. Right. Young people are incredibly accepting, incredibly accepting of this. And, like, he's like, well, man, if Pete Buttigieg becomes president, I will be hated. And I thought, like, well, you're already kind of hated. Yeah. Like, almost. You're already kind of hated yeah like almost

you're already irrelevant to be perfectly honest yeah like maybe that's self-hate yeah Will B Will B speaks to a future self that is your now

motherfucker are you kidding me yeah I don't want to be disliked for my bigotry yeah exactly yeah that's a reason people

will dislike you it's actually a really's a reason people will dislike you. It's actually a really good reason for people to dislike you. Absolutely. You know, it's interesting. I wonder if they would like him more if he paid someone $130,000 to pretend he wasn't gay. Like, I wonder if they would like him more for that. Because to be perfectly honest, right?

Here you're looking at a guy who broke this, you know, if you think about the laws of Leviticus or whatever, it's one of those rules. It's in that list of rules, right? No adultery as long as along with don't sleep with men or thou shalt both be stoned or whatever. And so, you know, they say stone the adulterers in this, in this Leviticus thing. I don't know the exact quote and I don't really care to be perfectly honest, but, um, but you know, they're both in the same, they're in the same breath basically in the Bible, but they don't care that it was Trump. I don't care that it was Trump. The only reason I care is because he tried to hide it, right? I don't care any other reason, right? If he just, if he was wide open with it during the primaries,

he's like, yep, fuck the porn star. And there was no money paid off or whatever. Cause he wouldn't have to. Cause he was like, yep, fuck the porn star. Cheat on my wife. Fuck the porn star. And he was like,

I would, I'd be like, okay, cool story. Like that's whatever. Good for you. I don't care. I only care that he tried to hide it for the American people.

Cause he knew people like this would be upset. Turns out they wouldn't be upset at all by it. This has been proven now, right? This has been one of those things that's been proven at this point that they won't be upset at all by it. This has been proven now, right? This has been one of those things that's been proven at this point that they won't be upset by it as long as you hold the exact same views as them. Now, if you were on the other side, very much, very much be upset by it. Do you think that this will make politicians more like honest about those indiscretions of their personal life? Because now they can look at Trump and be like, nobody cares.

discretions of their personal life. Because now they can look at Trump and be like, nobody cares. Ha ha! Woo! Well, you know, you're never going to get the, the Republican guy was never going to get the Democrat vote, period. Right.

And the same thing is true the other way around. So you're only fighting over the middle. That's all you're ever fighting over. And so now you have to decide where the middle is and if the middle cares. And it's really just deciding on if the middle cares. Now, the middle didn't know before this presidency. We'll know next time around. Did the middle is and if the middle cares. And it's really just deciding on if the middle cares. Now, the middle didn't know before this presidency.

We'll know next time around. Did the middle care? We'll find out. Although Kazakhstan, a glorious country, it have a problem too. Economic, social, and Jew. So the story comes from

the independent.co.uk. Jewish effigy hanged and burned in disturbing Easter ritual in Poland. We said earlier it was, it's an effigy. So it's a plush Jew. We talked about that earlier. Right.

It is a giant plush Jew. And it's wearing a, it's wearing like, is it wearing a, like one of those yarmulkes? Cause then it's a beanie baby. If it does that. If that's it.

Oh my God. A a beanie baby if it does that, right? If that's it. Oh my God. A rabini baby. A rabini baby? No, I actually, I think it's in, I think it actually is in like a top hat with like the curls.

Oh, it's the whole thing. I think it is. I think it's like an Orthodox Jew that they're beating up. I'm just glad that Christianity has gotten over the sectarian violence problem. Right. I'm just glad that Christianity has gotten over the sectarian violence problem.

I'm like, we wouldn't want to continue to have that problem. I will say, I'm just glad they got the kids involved. I know, I know. Because the guy comes out. So the video, you can watch this video, go to our website. It's fucking insane. But the video is, I mean, this thing is giant. It's a giant Jew effigy just laying there. Its shirt is website. It's fucking insane. But the video is, I mean, this thing is giant. It's a giant Jew effigy

just laying there. Its shirt is off. There's something written on it, like gas me or something. I don't even know what's written on it, right? Something is written on it. It's horrible.

And they all have sticks in their hand and the Jewish effigy is laying on the ground. It's a Jewish male effigy. And they come out and the guy stands there and he says something

and I don't know what he says in Polish. And then come out and the guy stands there and he says something and I don't know what he says in Polish. And then he whacks the thing with a stick and then all the kids, now it's kids, it's like a big pinata. I was gonna,

like, all the media pours out of it when they break it open. There's a, a World Bank falls out of its arm. Illuminati behind its head. Warren Buffett's in there

trying to drive it like a mech. What a disappointing pinata. It's filled with hate. No, George Soros. Oh, man. Every time we burn an effigy, it's always full of hate.

When are we going to get one full of candy? What is happening in the world? We're beating a pinata that looks like a Jewish person. For Easter. For Easter. For Easter. Oh, man. You know what Jesus hated?

Jews. He's a Jew! He was a Jew! What is happening, though? Did you... I mean, like... You're watching, you're just like,

what is happening? Well, the Jews killed that other Jew, but he was the head super Jew. Now we don't like the Jews, except for the one who's a super Jew, but now we call him a different kind of Jew. Anyway, it all makes sense if you don't like the Jews, except for the one who's a super Jew. But now we call him a different kind of Jew. Anyway, it all makes sense.

If you don't say it out loud, burn him. What the fuck? They start dragging this big pinata to the streets as all these kids chase it down the street. Like they're chasing a just married car. You're like, what is happening, man? It's so weird. It is so weird the world is

wrong yeah it's just wrong like everything it's just I watched this thing and I was just like well

this is a celebration this is a religious celebration it is it's an Easter celebration oh remember that time we were so happy because we got to hate a small group of

people that was great I would really like to oppress them but if I can't do it, what I'd really like to do is show the world how hate-filled I am with this demonstration of

my anger and bigotry. So, the original religion comes from the Jews. Yeah. And then the Christians co-opted and turned it into their thing, and then they beat a Jew to death or like an effigy it'd be like if you had like an an aryan nation gangster rap band like what are you doing what's what are

you doing it's all weird like what are you doing and then and then they sang racist songs right you know like right yeah you're just like, everything is just so weird, man. And plus, like, by your own theological nonsense, and it is fucking nonsense, but, like, aren't you super happy Jesus got killed? Didn't he have to have his blood sacrificed so that you could fucking fuck the neighbor and say you're sorry to this guy?

Yes, that's the thing. Really? Yeah. Because, like, otherwise, nobody forgives you for your imagined crimes. fucking fuck the neighbor and say you're sorry to the sky yes like really yeah because like otherwise nobody forgives you for your imagined crimes that's the whole thing with easter is g jesus had to like if i if i know the fucking story right yeah jesus had to die you had to have the blood sacrifice if you don't have that then he can't absolve you of your sins. Sure. Which means, like, you're fucked. Yeah.

So, like, you shouldn't be like, hey, good going on killing that Jesus. Now I get to do mean shit and just apologize later. Whenever I want. Right. I can wait until just, like, ten seconds before I go and be like, real sorry. Yeah, because before you killed that fucking guy, I had to feel bad

for myself. I had to feel bad for myself for a long time man that shit gets exhausting all the time when you're going around doing evil shit or in some cases just yeah minor inconsequential bullshit stuff that no one would have cared about anyway nobody cares yeah cares, yeah. You know, it's interesting. The original reason for Easter, the original reason, is still something that happens today. If Jesus comes out of the tomb and sees his shadow, there's, what, four more weeks in winter?

Is it four or six more weeks of winter after Easter? I don't know. So we got six more weeks. What if he comes out of his tomb and just sees one of those giant heads on the island? Like, does he go on vacation? He comes out of his tomb

and he looks like Donnie Darko's rabbit. Why are you in that stupid human suit? Sometimes I doubt your commission. It's a spherical motion. Sometimes I doubt your commission. It's a saccharical motion. I love this. This is some 3D chess shit, buddy. This really is.

This is like 11.5D chess. This is like Star Trek, the double plus next generation chess is what would have to be happening here. This is from Right Wing Watch. Bill Mitchell, the Mueller investigation was political judo by Trump. It's actually more like political

Aikido in that it doesn't work. Political Tai Chi. What's that like? Force martial art? I don't know what one that is. People could probably tell us, but it's the one that they try to say that they have in, and then the MMA guy fights him and punches the guy

because he knocks everybody over or whatever. One of the best things on the, like the only reason the internet I like is because you can find this video. Like there's a guy who pretends he has magic chi powers or something. It's not just him though, but like all his followers believe it too. And he's like

beating all these people up with his hands without touching them. They're like flailing around. And he's like, he's like beating all these people up with his hands without touching them. They're like flailing around. And then he has like a, like an exhibition against somebody who hits him back. Yeah, the MMA guy.

He just beats the hell out of them. And he's like an old, the older sense. He's not like a young guy. He gets his shit kicked out. Yeah, because his fucking magic doesn't work.

Because magic isn't real. I know he sees. But the thing is, I think everybody believed it, right? Everybody, not just his people believed it. Everybody believed it. So there's this mass delusion going on.

And the one guy who doesn't believe it is like, nope, I'm good. Yeah, just gonna plunk, plunk. Fight you. Yeah, and with my material fists. All right, so Bill Mitchell. This is Bill and he's got that woman, Ann VanderSteel on his program.

Although she does not speak, she's just taking up half the screen. I think at the beginning of Trump's presidency, he sat down with Sessions, and he said to Sessions, what are the biggest challenges facing my presidency? And Sessions said, there is no doubt, deep state. I've been in the Senate for a long time. I know how it all works. Okay, this is the first unbelievable part of the story,

because I do not think Jeff Sessions knows how anything works. I don't think he's able to understand how anything works. I don't think that President Trump ever said, what's the biggest challenge facing my presidency? Oh, right, right. Right? Like, there's no way he was like,

well, let's talk about the concerns I have. He's just like, I know everything. I'm the best. Everything I do is the best. He didn't seek counsel from a wise elder. What are you kidding me? Yeah, and that wise elder is not Jeff Sessions. I know, right?

The deep state is out to get you. And Trump said, how do we attack the deep state? Sessions says, you can't do it. I love that he's having this conversation. I love that he has this dialogue in his head. He's already figured out exactly what they've said. Although there's no evidence whatsoever based on any of the investigation that anything like this happened. Do you ever get mad at somebody and like you're replaying it in your head and you're having a whole fight. You're both sides of that fight.

Oh yeah. You're like in the shower and you're like, and then I'm going to say this and they'll say this and that. It's that. Yeah. and it's just as fucking mad and bonkers as that how many times have you had that and then you confront the person and it never goes that way 100% of the time

it always is like like immediately like oh I'm sorry right and they're like oh you're sorry I was ready for you not to be sorry

right first of all you never say the mean shit you were thinking right because you're like but I actually kind of like this the reason I care

the reason I care is because I have this so then you calm the fuck down and then you approach it like a human and they're like, but I actually kind of like this. The reason I care, the reason I care is because I have this. So then you calm the fuck down and then you approach it like a human and they're like, I hear your concerns and I validate them. And you're like,

but in the shower, let me tell you some shit. I totally want that argument. And then I dropped the mic and I turned away. When I was stewing over this all night. As I turned away, dropping the mic,

there was a slow clap from all the people that were watching and it got louder and louder. I had this fucking argument on TV and I'll tell you that. That's the whole point, right? It's like,

it's a stupid bad thing. It's bad thinking when you do it and you'll just prove it to yourself a hundred times if you let yourself do it, right? Right. It's bad cognition. Yeah.

That's why like, if you do that and you go see do it, right? Right. It is, it's bad cognition. Yeah. That's why like, if you do that and you go see a therapist, they'll be like, here are ways to not do that. I'll go out of their way to tell you not to do it. Like that's what a cognitive

behavioral therapist would be like. Don't do it. Here's how to not do it. It's dumb. It doesn't work. It doesn't work, yeah. Instead he's doing this. He's like,

he's having this conversation. It's both sides. But he's not even one of the people. That's my whole, that's my favorite part. He's doing it, but he's v this. He's like, he's having this conversation as both sides, but he's not even one of the people. That's my favorite part. He's doing it, but he's vicariously living through an argument through either one

of these guys. He's living through an argument that hasn't happened between people. He's not one of, he's writing a play. When you watch,

when you watch things where someone is at the pinnacle of their ability, like you watch some sports or whatever, you get that vicarious feeling of watching them do stuff. You know, sometimes that can happen or whatever. In a way, are we saying that either one of these things, people would be a pinnacle of thinking? Because, my God, this isn't even, this is the, this isn't even the

semi-pros. This is like you pay to play at the rec center for your argumentation. Like that's where I see Trump in sessions. I don't see them anywhere else. From the front. They're too deep. They're too powerful. They'll destroy you. Also, if we go after them and start indicting these guys right away, it is going to make America lose faith in the American government because these guys are so- Why would it make America, if America was like, hey, there are criminals acting criminally and we rooted them out

and we exposed them and we indicted them, America would have more faith in their system. We'd be like, oh, the system works. Would they? Because there's checks and balances. Would they? Do you not think that they would?

It just happened. And we see 50% of the people don't either don't believe it or are trying to think up some weird backstory

to make sure that the Avengers endgame ends how it wants here right I'm not wrong right

50% of the population right now either doesn't believe the Mueller report or thinks that there's some other thing that's happening or they're Q

based or they're right. I'm not wrong. Right. So 50% of the people, I know that what you're, what you want to say is the people in the United States are rational, but I know that's not what you mean when you think about it. Just what I, what I wanted to be true is not true. And I'm sad. And it hurts me that it's not true. Like right now, I'm like, this is a rare moment on the show where I'm like, but I don't think that's funny. I don't think it's funny either.

I don't think it's funny. I don't think it's funny. It should be the case that people think and care about. It's so not funny. I don't think it's funny. Oh, it's sad. It should be the case that... That people think and care about the truth, right? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, there it is. There it is.

Let me help push that in there. Push that knife a little deeper right in there. So I just... Let's just do the show. So much to the government. What will happen is it will destroy your administration as a result of friendly fire america will lose faith in the old government they won't have faith in the new government because you haven't established your agenda yet we need to oh my god yeah that's what

the america that's okay first off that's what someone's rationale for the american people is that's what someone like he's saying that i I think he's saying Sessions is saying this to Trump. So he's saying that Jeff Sessions said to Trump, you need to do all these things. No, all you need to do is say, we don't like abortion. That's all you have to say.

And then you could literally do anything you want ever, ever, ever. And he's proven it, period. He can have scandals, so many scandals, you literally cannot remember all of them. And I'm not even saying all of them.

You can't even remember all of them from the last week. There's so many scandals. There's so many faux pas. There's so many things that he does that are so unpresidential that you just look at with horror. Every single day, there's a new thing. But you know what?

It doesn't matter because he is gonna push an agenda that says, don't worry, we hate abortion too. Yeah. And that's the one thing that they care about. Well, he might throw in, we also hate brown people from the South. No, no, no. Yeah. Don't get me wrong. Don't get me wrong. He appeals to like four or five single issue voters. Yeah. Right. Very smartly. Very smartly. It's like, what are the, what are the four? And does not waver. Does not waver. Right, 100%, yep. We'll walk this, we need to play it slow. And so Donald Trump says, well, how do we do that?

And Jeff Sessions, well, they're coming after you on this Russia thing. Coming after you on Russia. That's our lever that we need. That's what we can use because we know they want this so badly to excuse- I do want to mention though, that it was sort of shown in the report,

in the collusion part of the report, volume one, they talk about, they talk about how the reason why the obstruction happened, if he was really smart, if Trump was really smart, he would have just let

all the things happen. We can't know the operation of their mind, but we can tell their actions. And one of the things that we can look at when we look at their actions and say, it looks like they wanted to cover up because like we said earlier, it's either the reason why you obstruct is because it's either illegal or it's

immoral, right? Those are the two things. Immoral enough to not get you elected again, right? So those are the two reasons. So they thought it was something like that. That's the reason why they did it. But if they were really smart, they would have just said, fuck it. We're not going to do anything. We're going to let you zig around and do whatever they want. And it would have been exactly as they say. It would have came out

that they can't prove the collusion or whatever and then that's how it works. Isn't that amazing? They would have done nothing. Yeah. It would have been fine. If they were like,

yeah, you can look wherever you want to look. Even still, we look at it today and we talked about it last week when we talked about the colloquial version of collusion. Right.

They colluded in all the ways that you as a layperson think of collusion, right? Yeah, yeah. Maybe not in the definitions that would cause some kind of criminal charge. Yeah, but when you look at it, yeah, absolutely they did. But if they were smart enough, or they didn't, like, and I don't know it's smarts, because I think what it really is is that they didn't want this damning thing coming out on their actions because they figured it would really

screw their chances in the future. I think that's why they did it. I wonder if the same isn't true of the tax return issue. Yeah. But I also just wonder, like, how much of this is just, there's a personality here at play that we've never

encountered before and and that personality is don't let anyone else win don't give an inch yeah don't allow anything you said you weren't going to do ever always win double down triple down quadruple down yeah whatever it takes never back down. Like there's a, there's like a weird, aggressive pridefulness that is now part of our administration's temperament. Yeah. And I wonder if that plays into it too. I, the thing is, is like, what's crazy to me is seeing all the no's that are coming out. Like, no, we're not going to do this. No, we're not going to do that. No, we're not going to do this. And you just see like every time that they, I mean, if, if Hillary Clinton could have said no, like, I mean, I don't understand how this works, right? It's like,

here's the rules and they only apply when you, when we call them out on you, but they never apply for us. Yeah. Like there, there's either rules or there isn't rules. Those are the, that's, that's how it works, right? There's either rules for everybody or there's rules for no one. Yeah. And it really is a pixie choosy rule thing that they get to decide like with the tax return thing, with, you know, with people coming in to testify,

with, you know, find they're asking for documents. They're asking for certain people and he's telling them you shouldn't go in there. Yeah. Even though you were asked to come in and I'm like blown away by this, but it's blatant disregard for the House and the scope of their powers. It's blatant disregard for that.

Well, I think part of what he's testing is the enforcement mechanisms underneath all these things, right? Because I think to some degree, we've never had to really say, we've never had to push the envelope and say, well, what if they just don't do it? Yeah. Because the understanding was like, well, that's absurd just don't do it? Yeah. Because the understanding was like, well, that's absurd. Yeah. Of course they're going to do it. They were required

by an act of Congress to do it. Yeah. Well, they're going to do it. And it's like, well, he's sort of, he's sort of pushing on something here

that I think is, I mean, it's like weirdly kind of fascinating, which is like, what the fuck are you going to do about it, punk? And I hope that they do something about it. I do too.

I hope that they really do. I mean, I'm hoping I'm consistent on this, but I'm looking at it from a person who would be consistent. I would have been horrified if Hillary would have said no. I would have been horrified if she said no. Yeah, of course. Just not coming. No, I'd have been horrified.

I'd have been like, oh my God, you'll never get a vote from me. Oh my God, I never want to pay attention to what you do. Get out of my party. Don't associate yourself with me if you're not going to follow the rules. This neuters,

the thing is like, if this does not have an enforcement mechanism, then Congress is neutered. Completely fucking neutered. Right. And that's a weird world. Like we have three branches of government

and we just fucking watch one of them stomp its feet and demand something it has a legal right to and not get it. And then why have it? Fucking fold it. Why have it? Don't even need it anymore.

What's the power behind it? Yeah. Hillary, for all of her Uranium One deals to take the eyeball off that and also to excuse her for losing to you and to take you out of office. So what we'll do is we will use the fact they want this Russia thing so badly and we will use political judo against them, use a force of their own attack

against them. And I got these two guys. I got these two guys that we're going to go after for Uranium One. We were going to go after Rosenstein. We're going to go after Mueller for Uranium One. We will use those two guys as our Trojan horse inside to take these guys down from the inside. And so what the fuck are you talking about? Fucking babbling. But he is fucking excited about his made up. Can you imagine what this guy's fucking sexual fantasy world is like? What is that like in his head?

And then these six girls, they said, and that like, I mean, for real, like the elaborate fucking scenarios. I can read. I'm like, there's a girl naked. Like, I can't even like my brain's like, we'm like, there's a girl naked! Ah! Like, I can't even, like, my brain's like, we can't even picture

the whole girl. Like, it's just like, I can, like, close my eyes and squint and maybe see, like, her side boob a little. Right, a little side boob. This guy's like,

riding a Shakespearean fucking play. Yeah. Come in and they're all dressed like the people from Hellraiser and there's... It's unbelievably weird.

Maybe that's my fantasy. What will happen is in two years, you will be exonerated on this whole Russiagate mess. It was always baloney from the start. And we will... Yeah, the government goes out of their way to make a fake investigation with that many people,

that many things involved, all those moving parts, and they make a fake investigation. All right. Now, to make it believable, some of your closest advisors are going to have to go to prison. Now, don't be alarmed when your personal attorney's fucking hard drive gets swiped by the FBI. Don't be alarmed. Your campaign manager is going to go to federal prison. So that one's just,

you're just going to have to chalk that one up. Also, we're going to need you to have some conversations with Russia. And your son's going to have to have, we're going to have to basically create a scandal

with all the elements of that scandal. It's like, it's like when Jesus cures somebody, but you still had to cure them with like medicine. It's the same thing. It's like, oh, you know, yeah, you still had to cure them with medicine. It's the same thing. It's like, oh, you know, yeah, you still had to do all the collusion in order for us to find

and create some of this collusion. I will step aside and I will be in the background. What will happen is that the- Yeah. And if you want to, you can yell at me in front of a bunch of staffers and you could scream at me and you could post shitty tweets about me about how I should fucking leave and how I should unrecuse, then recuse, then unrecuse, then recuse, then unrecuse myself. And for like literally like a year after, just embarrass me publicly and shame me and my family.

Basically, you could just paint like a couple of little marks on me. I could be your howdy doody and sit on your fucking lap. So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to, I'm going to go ahead. I'm going to fall asleep at your house. You should draw dicks on my face with a permanent mark.

You see Session standing there with a dick butt on his fucking forehead, standing there trying to give a speech. I just want to let everybody know I recuse myself. I fell asleep first in the Oval Office. So what happens? No, you draw a dick on my face. It in the oval office. So what happens? No, you drive dick on my face. It's the bro code.

I remember when I was like, when I was, I want to say I was maybe 14, 15, you know, sort of first starting to party, you know, around with people and stuff.

And there wasn't a lot of liquor involved at somebody's house. And I remember this guy got real sick. He was getting sick on the couch and they gave him a bucket to throw up in. And so they started to fuck with him. Yeah. And they started to paint like nail polish on his face

and they put nail polish. They wrote like, you know, I think it was back in the early, in the late 80s. So I want to say it was, they wrote, I'm gay on his arm in nail polish, right? Well, that's believable because they see gay people

doing that a lot. Particularly in the 80s, they would use that to broadcast their sexuality. And so they painted him and then they started pouring talcum powder on him, you know, like pump dumping talcum powder.

And they, at one point it escalated, escalated, escalated until somebody lit his hair on fire. Oh my God. What the fuck? What? What the fuck? What? What is? What?

What? Are you? What? What? What the fuck? So, so here we are. They cut his heart out. Hold on.

Hear me out though. Hear me out though. Fuck the hole. Hear me out though. Hear me out though. They lit his hair on fire. What? But they were so stupid

that they forgot he was armed with a puke butt. And he woke up. He awake he was not he was completely zoned out yeah this entire time completely they're caught on fire and he's like oh and he snaps awake and he smacks his head and his hair's all burnt he burnt his hair and he turns and there's like five or six people all laughing at me he just turned and he threw that puke bucket all over all five of those people.

They were covered head to toe in vomit. Nobody wins. Nobody wins. Who wins that one? I don't know. What is happening? But I really wish I had my camera at that point so I could be like, world star, world star.

But it was before camera phones. You know what, man? Star! World star! But it was before camera phones, so we didn't... You know what, man? I look back at my youth and I'm like, I am so fucking glad I grew up before the fucking ubiquity of the camera phone. Oh, I know. Yeah. Oh my god damn...

No! That's a nightmare! That's a nightmare! I am also... I know that you weren't a rabid partier in your teens either. And you missed a lot of, because to be perfectly honest, the teens were the worst to each other.

Once you got into college, it got a lot less. Yeah, I never actually had anything. People wouldn't do that sort of thing. But you're a shitty person when you're a boy teenager. You're just a shitty person. And so anything you could do to

like hurt your, hurt these people or, you know, break things or whatever. And so imagine adding alcohol to that. You know what I mean? Like it was just a disaster all the time. So, you know, when you're laughing out loud, these are 14, 15 year old boys that got whiskey. So, you know what I mean? Like what you could almost imagine that that's, what's going to happen. You know, it's certainly what did happen. I just have never... Somebody's like, we've done a lot of fucked up shit to this guy, but we have not lit that guy on fire yet.

We've got to light him on fire. Light him on fire. How is everybody friends after that? I don't know. I don't know. It's different when you're a kid too. Yeah, I know. As an adult, I'm like, you punched me in the mouth.

We don't talk again. I might actually try to run you over if I see you're a kid too. Yeah, I know. Like as an adult, like I'm like, you punch me in the mouth, we don't talk again. And I might actually try to run you over if I see you, you know? Like maybe that happens. But like when you're a kid, like you get dust ups. I used to get in dust ups with my friends all the time.

Like you'd get in like fist fights with your friends and whatnot. And it just would happen, so. But nobody likes to see someone on fire. That's a line. Admittedly, Tom, that is a line. That's a line.

Yeah, a red line. Deep State will think that you and i are at odds with one another so we'll take their eye off of me okay they'll be focusing on rosenstein in the meanwhile i will be back doing all the research setting up getting all of the evidence together so when we finally come down on these guys we're gonna have hundreds of thousands of tens of thousands whatever it is of these sealed indictments we're gonna have you know guantanamo bay upgraded and ready to go we indictments, we're going to have Guantanamo Bay upgraded and ready to go.

I like that they're upgrading Guantanamo. That's nice. Now we all get double king beds in every room. You get a junior suite. Still getting water aborted, but it's a beautiful water feature. So it's okay. A little win, a little lose on that part.

It's air, water, B&B or something. I don't know. We're going to have this new executive order saying that Trump can step in there and he can seize assets and so on and so forth. We're going to be positioned so that we can take this thing down. And then once it's ready-

Wait a minute. Why does he have to have an executive order that he can seize assets? What does that even mean? The government through civil forfeiture can seize assets. Like, is Trump going to write one? It's like, no, they're literally mine. Those are mine.

This is the Salem witchcraft trials. I get your house. You're a witch. Yeah, he's going to do the dibs one. He's going to basically have a dibs executive order that he fills out. The following people are treasonous. Warren Buffett, Bill Gates. George Soros.

Raise your hand if you're a billionaire. You're all guilty. Oprah. Executive order. Guantanamo with you and get all your assets. And you get a cell. And you get a cell. Pop, I will step aside as attorney general.

And then we've got- Disgraced. I will step aside disgraced as attorney general. Disgraced and mocked. You'll mock me and then you'll mock me. And then you'll fire me. You'll let me go. And then, and then you can hire someone else. Bill Barr, he's waiting in the sidelines. He will step in. He'll come in and bat, clean up, and we'll tear these deep state guys out. And people say, oh, Bill, that's a crazy idea. That is exactly what

is happening right now. That's exactly what's happening. Is it? He is so excited about his thing. Is that's what's happening right now? He literally imagined all of it. He created the entire scenario in his head. And then all of the subsequent parts of it after that. And then he's like, and nobody can see what's going on that I imagine. That's how imaginations work. And what's so crazy is just, I mean, just take 10 seconds and read the report and none of it reads like thisinations work. And what's so crazy is just, I mean, just, just take 10 seconds and read the report and none of it reads like this. No. And that the problem is, is I think, you know, we mentioned it earlier, um, you know, that there's a bunch of people in the United States who don't believe it. They just don't think that it's a thing, right? Some of these people

don't think it's a thing. He clearly has no idea what's even in it. If this is, if this is his scenario that he's cooked up, he hasn't even cracked it open. No. He just read the four page summary still. He's like, ah, it's probably still good. It's playing out right in front of our eyes and people say,

Bill, that's a crazy idea. It's happening. I'm not crazy. You're crazy. Jesus, he feels like he should be like one of those used car salesmen

in a straightjacket and be like, my prices are so insane. Like, he feels like one of those guys. Come down to Crazy Bill Mitchell's. Well, you know,

church lady, Jim would go out every night and that's when I got addicted to all manner of flu pills and I hallucinated cats on the ceiling.

And, yeah, and once it felt like someone shoved a bun cake ring down over my head and the bun, right, honey? And the bun unbraided and the filling rose up in flames And once it felt like someone shoved a bun cake ring down over my head. And the bun, right, honey? And the bun unbraided and the filling rose up in flames and all the raises turned into demons. And I put my hands up and I said, demonic raises, I rebuke you.

Well, isn't that special? Oh, my God. This is my favorite new thing. This is from BuzzFeed? Yes, Cecil! Jesus Christ, man. Oh man, the Duggars renamed Devil's Eggs. Deviled Eggs. Which sparked a huge debate about eggs.

And Satan did it. Did it though. Did it though? Did it though? So you got to like, the Duggars evidently are still a thing. So when one of them isn't molesting one of the children.

They will be for a long time. They've maintained this line, Tom. There's 20 of them. You got a good point. There will be them. Yarr, just Duggars as far as the eye can see. Oh my God. if it was turtles,

they'd be going all the way down. No, Duggars never got downtown. Maybe if they did, there would be 20 of them. You have to like cut a hole in her chemise to talk or whatever. It'd be like, mother, mother, I need to knock three times on this door with a Bub Rob stick or whatever just to get in the room. Oh my God. So, all right.

So they were making deviled eggs. They posted a picture of their deviled egg making. The deviled egg making. On Twitter. And they, instead of calling them deviled eggs, I this they call them made some quote yellow pocket angel eggs do angels have a secret pocket where they get their eggs and they're just like reaching in there it's like nothing up my sleeve like yellow pocket why could they just call them angel eggs why they have to make it weird i don't know you guys are so

oh my god these are like those idiots though that when you go to like a fucking circle k and you buy your 16 shame candy bars and you set them on there and they say, they look at their cash register and it comes up 666 and they tell you it's 665 instead so that they don't have to say 666. Or they'll buy an extra thing. Yeah.

Or they're just like, oh my God, I got to buy an extra thing. Yeah. The name of something doesn't, like even in your, even in your fucking super crazy worldview, I've never heard like any reason to think

that just calling something deviled will make a devil feel like what? Validated somehow? Like, oh, those are my eggs. I'm glad he likes my recipe. Like if the devil made deviled eggs and gave us a recipe, I'd be like,

like I don't like a lot of your shit. Yeah. But this is a good egg. This is pretty good. I'm not going to lie. That's a solid egg. Do you like deviled eggs? I love deviled eggs. Do you? Yeah, I'd be like, I don't like a lot of your shit. Yeah. But this is a good egg. This is pretty good. I'm not going to lie. That's a solid egg. Do you like deviled eggs? I love deviled eggs.

Do you? Yeah, I love them. I fucking love them. My dad makes deviled eggs. My dad, as you know, is not a culinary witness. No, no, no, no. And I am grateful

that now on the holidays, we order pizza. He'll be like, ah, let's order pizza. I'm like, that's the best decision ever. Yeah. Christmas pizza, all fucking day. He'll be like, ah, let's order pizza. I'm like, that's the best decision ever. Yeah. Christmas pizza all fucking day.

Amazing. All day, right? So 100% down with manwich or Christmas pizza, like all day. I love you, Dad. Just never use the oven ever. Yeah, right. But he makes good deviled eggs.

So like, we go there for Christmas and he'll make deviled eggs. And it's like, all right, deviled eggs. You made something that's not disgusting. So I have a soft spot for the only edible food of my childhood. The only thing that he made that didn't come out of a box or whatever.

But even the box stuff he made was a horror because he would... You've eaten at my dad's house. Like my dad's favorite boxed food was Kraft macaroni and cheese. And there's going to be listeners that are like, I like that. And be like, yeah, maybe I like that.

I don't know. I'll never eat it again. Because one, he made it like three nights, four nights a week as a side dish, but he never made the recipe. He boiled the noodles and drained them. Then he took a thing of country crock margarine. Oh, God.

And took a huge spoon. A spoon like a fucking Uncle Buck pancake flipping spoon, right? It's a snow shovel full of... How many times? Like a huge wad, like a snowball. He would make like a snowball size of country crock? And he would...

That's why my dad had two heart attacks. Yeah. Like... Into the pot. And then he mixes no milk, just the cheese. Oh, and that stuff just turns into oil. It just can...

It's like oil and then like... So it's like... You might as well just use olive oil. Yeah, it's like greasy, fake, fluorescent cheese noodles. It's like if you boiled Cheetos. And then like... Oh, God. Blew your nose in. Why would you do this to someone?

That was my dad's box. My dad's box food was like, well, can I fuck this up? How can I cheat and add more fat into it? And I was a fat kid. Yeah.

So I was like, I don't need this, man. This isn't helpful. You're going to kill me. Right. So yeah, deviled eggs.

I love deviled eggs, man. I don't even know if they're good. It's just a song I heard a lot, you know? What about you? Do you like them? Yeah, no, I'm not crazy about them. What about yellow pocket angel eggs?

Depends on which pocket they come out of. Because there's nothing but death and refuse in the rectum. No life can come out of the rectum. And the sodomites are cheering on and praising the rectum. For fuck's sake, it's that kind of week, buddy. Jesus Christ, man. It's that kind of week.

This is from Pink News. I want to just start out by saying I don't believe this, right? I'm trusting what a translator did. And I will tell you right now, if I was paid to translate these people, I would make them say the craziest shit in the world. And so I'm just saying that right now.

I have a very hard time believing that someone would think this out loud, but go ahead, continue on. I not only believe this, I believe what she's saying is true. I do not believe that either. All right, so this is great. Kuwaiti academic claims semen-eating anal worms

cause homosexuality. Okay. I mean, they might. And the problem is, is in this story, she says that they, they control the sexual urges.

They discover it's therapeutic suppositories that curb the sexual urges of gay men and lesbians, but they're semen eating anal worms. Yeah. So I'm wondering, like, first off, what kind of strap-on do you have, ladies? I mean, and do you fill it up

with, like, you know... You just gotta, like, get some semen from them. We've gotta make sure that you get the semen. And, you know, like, doesn't this just belie a complete misunderstanding

about how any of the bits work, right? It's just like, because I mean, I, I don't know the history of sexuality, but I would tend to think we knew that it was, you got to put the gook in the hole in order for, to get the thing, the baby to pop out.

I think we kind of knew that we knew that for a long time. Right. I am. I have a romantic at heart, but I think it's like, see, I want to put the gook in the hole. Stop talking like that, Tom. Starting to get aroused, but no, the, you know,

you got to put the gook somewhere. Right. And, and if you're going to put the gook in the hole, you're going to get a baby maybe nine months later, depending on where, you know, the female is in her current situation. I don't want to talk about any of that stuff. I don't know how to deal with the situation with all

that. And by the way, audience, I'm waving my hand to indicate the female reproductive system. That's a circular motion to indicate the female reproduction system. But in any case, I think we knew. We knew for a long time.

I don't know exactly when. We were just like, we put our finger on it and we're like, okay, but I would imagine pre-writing, we figured that out, right? And so we're at this point in history

where somebody says something like this out loud and you're like, but you know how it works, though, right? Like, you know how you know how it works, though, right? Like, you know that you know that if you're a girl and you never come around guys, the chances of you encountering Steven is very, very, very, very, very low. I mean, you might walk by and get splattered by it like Silence of the Lambs style or something. But not in your asshole.

Yeah, but not in your, unless you're walking with your asshole open, which again, I don't know, but maybe, right? You could find yourself in that situation somehow. It could be a,

it's a weird Saturday night maybe. I don't know. But you gotta know. Semen eating anal worms. Semen eating anal worms. Here's what I want to know. Okay. The semen eating anal worms are what cause homosexuality.

So what did they do before that? So they're just like hanging out like, well, we're just hungry. Yeah, we're just... But so far there hasn't been any homosexuality. There's been no food in my dish. They seem to eat it. You know,

like there's like, and that's what causes homosex. So there's like gay people that have just had protected sex or just had oral sex. And they're just like, the worms are just like, I don't know how we got here. And we've made him gay, but he's not even feeding. This is fucking rude. rude it's fucking i'm a guest in your house now offer me a drink i think

i think i get it though now it's like those those one parasites that get into ants and make them go sit on top of a piece of grass so they get eaten by a by a fly who gets eaten by a bird who gets eaten by a right you know what i mean... Right. You know what I mean? Like, I wonder if, you know, like that's what she thinks this is. What the fuck? How does this work with lesbians at all? What the fuck is in her suppository that makes you...

Like, it's just like, it's a suppository made of broken glass. And now they never want to have sex. Because it hurts so much always now. I don't want to touch it ever. And I don't want anybody else to touch it ever. It's like my whole downstairs area is just, it's just like,

okay, it's a suppository made of habanero peppers. It's just like, it hurts always. Let's fuck you. Yeah, that would do it. This is fucking amazing. It is. I love all these people that have to come up with some kind of biological excuse

for homosexuality. Like, other than like, those are the parts I like. What's the excuse? Well, the excuse is those parts I'm attracted to. That's the person I'm attracted to. That's how I like to fucking be fucked.

I don't understand. You know, it's funny because like, I think recently there was something that came out. Maybe it was on the American Atheist page or something, and there was a transgender comment. Someone had, they had posted a transgender person or something, and then there was a bunch of anti-trans comments that got posted on there. And then they just started arguing about it back and forth. And it always boils down to, when it comes to gender, it's always really funny because the right only has one joke. and their joke is, well, I identify as an

attack helicopter. And that's their joke. That's the joke that they say. And they say it over and over again. It's so unoriginal and it's so boring and it's so absurd and stupid. And, and all you're doing is you're saying, I don't care about how you feel. I don't care about how you want to live in the world. I only want to, I want to classify you how I want to classify you. Don't tell me like I'm, I'm trying to make your life about me is what it basically boils down to, right? I'm trying to make your life about me. And that's what all of this stuff is, is I'm trying to make your life about me. How can I make your sexuality about me? How can I figure out a way to make it about me? And it's like, well, you can't like when you just

finally just realized you can't and you shouldn't and and just walk away and say, look, you're trans. Great. You're trans. The end, the end. I'm, you know, I, there shouldn't be like, why in the world should I ever care that someone is trans? Why, why would that ever, why would it ever come across my radar as a person? It shouldn't ever come across. The same thing comes when somebody else is having sex with someone else. It should never come across my radar. It should never be a thing that pings on my radar and be like, oh, well, you know, if I came in the studio next week and told you I was gay, I couldn't imagine you being like, well, we can't do the podcast. Well, I can't be your friend anymore, right? It's all over. Gosh, now we can't ever,

I can't ever talk to you again and be like, no, you just be like, anymore, right? It's all over, buddy. Oh, gosh. Now I can't ever talk to you again. I'd be like, no. You'd just be like, oh, well, it's weird because I've known you for so long as a straight guy. But, you know, it is what it is. And, you know, I will do my best to try to not offend you. I'll do my— To be fair, I would try to get you those suppositories in case it happens to be semen-eating anal worms. There's a possibility it is that. Yeah, I would do that out of love for Sarah.

I'd be like, Sarah, let me see if there's some semen-eating anal worms suppositories. Yeah. Because if you're gay, you definitely don't want to shove something up your ass to prove you're not gay. If you eat their ass without your dentures, is that a gummy worm? Jesus Christ. Sour gummy worm. Oh. Jesus Christ. Sour gummy worms. Oh! Hmm. So we want to thank our patrons.

Of course, we want to thank all our patrons. We want to thank our most recent patrons, Jason, TJ, Heather, Preston, and Christopher. Thanks so very much for your generous donations. Your donations go to making sure that Glory Hole Studios exists. Your donations go to make sure that our employee gets a check. So thank you very much. And we really do appreciate everybody who donates.

We got several messages to go through. We're actually going to go through some from a couple weeks ago because we skipped email last week because of the Mueller report last week. So we are going to try to cover two weeks worth of email here. last week, so we are going to try to cover two weeks worth of email here. Message here from Sterling and it

basically says that there's a possibility that certain power companies, because we're talking about cars and having a coal-powered car or whatever sucks just as bad as having a gas-powered car, although we didn't say that, but we weren't sure what the best way to, you know, we weren't sure what the best way to,

you know, when certain commodities, a market is cornered by bad corporations, what do you do? Or bad choices, what do you do? And they had sent a message and said, there are certain power companies that allow for a higher premium on the power and they guarantee that it comes from renewable sources.

I think that's awesome. Yeah. That's not an option for me. I know that for sure. Yeah. But that's a terrific option. Yeah. And I remember where I used to live rurally,

there was a nuclear power plant where I lived. Right. So getting a Tesla or something, if I were able to get a Tesla, we talked about it earlier, Teslas are backordered from now until 2036 or whatever. I want a Tesla.

We got a couple emails. Guys, I would love a Tesla. I would buy the Model 3 tomorrow. I went on their website to look. You can't just like get one the same way you could just go get a car. Yeah. I could leave right now and just go buy a car.

And then that afternoon I drive the car home. Yeah. Tesla's are not that easy to get right now. They're not making enough to satisfy demand. Yeah. There's too much demand. Like, yeah, you're just never going to be able to get one the way you can in a normal car. But anyway, I would definitely get one though if I lived

out there. Because then, you know, like you said, you know, it's a power plant that's run on nuclear fuel, so it doesn't matter. And so, you know, as much as you know, if you're running on coal or something. So, yeah. Got a message from Amrit, and he

sent in the Snopes article, which I will post, the masturbating Pompeii guy in the Snopes article which I will post the masturbating Pompeii guy in the ruins. We totally, I totally talked about it

a couple weeks ago and said there was a masturbating Pompeii guy in the Volcanoes Company. Wanked one off real quick trying to get it done. But it turns out

that when they figured out that when your body is basically roasted alive, your body goes into convulsions and freaks the fuck out and these are the positions

that they found these people in. And it's not uncommon to find people in this position, but it's caused by the muscles quickly cooking. It's really, really scary. It's really scary and gross. It's not at all hot.

It's not. I mean, it is, but it's the wrong kind of hot. Got a message from Wolf, and he wants to know where he can find that Animaniacs thing where every country's Mexico that Ian put together. It's pinned

currently on our Twitter. So if you go to our Twitter, DissonancePod Twitter, you can find it there, and it's pinned at the very top of our profile. You should be able to find it, no problem. Got an interesting message from Howard, Tom. He talked about, we were talking about gun violence and taking away guns from people. He had an interesting story that he wanted to relate.

Yeah, so he had a friend of his that he went to visit and the guy had been going through a tough breakup. He went to visit him. The guy opened the door. He was visibly drunk. He didn't look good. He said, hey, let's talk. He came inside. When the drunk despondent gentleman stepped away for a moment, Howard swapped out the firing pins, took the firing pins from the weapons.

That was because the guy was cleaning his weapons at the time. Yeah. And then he left. He left, told him he cared about him. He left. It turns out that guy was going to commit suicide. Yeah. And that removal of, creating that barrier, right? That removal of the gun saved his life. Saved his life. And he's now married. He's got three kids.

Yeah. He's happy. Yeah. Like, that saved his fucking life. And it also, like, the reason it struck me is it gives pause to that argument. Like, oh, well then, you know,

if we take away the guns, people just hang themselves. People just do this. People just do that. People do, a lot of times, impulsive things that are easy in the moment. When you make things just a little more difficult, it creates a barrier. And means prevention prevents

people from killing themselves. Means reduction, rather. Yeah. We got a message from Beck, and Beck sent in this tweet. And Tom, this tweet, do you want to read it? Yeah, his tweet is, the only thing that should follow I'm not racist,

but is I do live in a system of institutionalized racism that I absorb and actively benefit from. That's pretty great. That is great. Thanks, Beck. Got a message from Todd in Korea, and he said that he was all, you guys are always dissing Indiana,

and I don't get it. And then I finally watched on NBA TV. See, NBA TV, they don't cut away during commercials because you watch it online, right? So there's no commercial, right? So during the break, when there's nothing happening on the court, they just show the audience

and they show maybe the cheerleaders come out and do a little dance. So they'll show the cheerleaders or they'll have a guy come out and try to shoot a free, like a ball from the half court and then we'll give him a $50,000 if he makes it or something, you know,

like so little stuff will happen in between that keeps that they run out with a t-shirt gun and shoot. So they keep seeing an audience entertained while they're watching, but they're at commercial. And so they normally show all this stuff on NBA TV. Well, he's watching it. And he just said, he just stared out at these glassy slack eyed people in Indiana and he realized it was also very true. And it is, it is. When Haley, when Haley moved from New York to Chicago, we drove together from New York to Chicago.

We got into Indiana and she said, what is that smell? What's that smell? That's a real thing that happened. That's a real thing. Absolutely. Yeah. The very worst part of my drive when I was driving home from Florida recently was Indiana. It's the worst that I drove through all of it.

And I was just like, I hate this state so much. We got an interesting message. This is from Christian. He's talking about Jews and fundies. And he goes through a long piece of basically explaining that they're, the reason why they don't like the Jews, but the reason why they want to make sure that they keep Israel and they keep all this other stuff is so that there is an Israel

so that revelation can happen. And it says at the bottom here, I'm gonna read this last line. It says, so basically when they advocate for Israel, they're advocating for their own salvation and for the murder and torture of all Jews for all eternity. And I was like, oh, that's fucking poignant. I love the idea that they like, they want to protect Israel because if not, well, if not, we don't get Armageddon. Right. And we want there to be Armageddon. We really want an Armageddon.

The fuck, say that out loud. Here, do you hear you? Because I hear you. Got a message from Sean and Sean sent in a couple of articles where China is meddling with New Zealand's elections and things and uh

something that we had talked about a couple weeks ago as a joke like who would who would know yeah um evidently new zealand noticed so yeah well and china's making a long-term play for global dominance absolutely and they've got plans. Like their plans are not like our quarterly fucking revenue plans. Their plans are generational. Yeah. That's just a cultural truth. Tom, somebody liked your inside out joke. Carl, Carl, you sent us a message.

You like my inside out joke. You know what? I like Carl. We got a long message about the Mueller report. And I want to just say, I consume a lot of media on the Mueller report, on this investigation. But almost all the media that I consume

happens to be written. So I just by habit say Mueller because that's how it's written. I mean, it's written like Mueller, but it's Mueller is how it's actually pronounced. I literally didn't know that. I've only read it too. Yeah, right?

So you only read it, so you don't know. But no, but it's Mueller. So it's funny because it's like, I guess, and someone had corrected us a while back on it, but I consume so very little media that's audible about it. It's mostly written. Me too. Like at least 95% of it's all written.

So I always say Mueller, even though it's Mueller. I literally didn't know that until right now. So it is Mueller. But we got a big long message. And this is from Jake. And I really, you know, there's so much in here to talk about. But I did want to touch on a couple of pieces. Jake basically broke down the entire thing for us.

But one of the things when he was talking about it's too big to, that he's too big to fail, is that Mueller doesn't actually come out and accuse him of any crime because the president doesn't technically have any recourse because he can't be tried. So they doesn't accuse him of any crime because there's no way for that to actually go through because he doesn't think,

Mueller doesn't think that the president can be put in that situation. So there's this weird sort of crazy, I'm protected law. It's almost like, it's almost like, you know, like when you're playing like, you know, remember when you were playing magic

or some other strategy game where you finally figured out this combo that no one can beat. You know what I mean? Like you're like, I did this and I did this and I did this. And no matter what you do, I can't,

you can't do these things. Nothing can happen to this, whatever this is that I'm doing. You know? Like, it's like, you know, it's almost like a masterstroke

because, you know, he didn't know it, but he didn't realize that you can just go in and just do whatever you want, basically, as the president

and there's no real recourse. Yeah. The only recourse is to be impeached. Impeached. And then after the president, and there's no real recourse. The only recourse is to be impeached. Impeached. And then after the impeachment, then you can be criminally prosecuted, right? And there's a lot of things that point to the fact that there's a possibility that that could happen. You know what I mean? But he left a lot of this stuff open.

We talked about, the other thing that we talked about that he touches on is, open. We talked about, the other thing that we talked about that he touches on is we had mentioned, you know, the open conspiracy that was happening or the way in which the people were on the Trump team were reaching out to Russia and having these meetings and whatnot. And we were saying, you know, like, how can you be too dumb to not get prosecuted for this. Right. And, uh, and we're saying ignorance isn't, uh, you know, an excuse against the law in any other situation. Why should it be here? And, um, he brings up a point and says, you know, what happens if somebody does it unknowingly gets, gets fiddled with by a foreign power and they do it unknowingly, should we be going after them? Because there's, there is an actual outside force.

It's different if you were not knowing the speed limit because there's nobody trying to manipulate you. But if somebody's trying to manipulate you and they manipulate you into doing something wrong and you didn't realize it was wrong, isn't that person who manipulated you the person who's in the wrong, not the other way around? And so that's an interesting point and something I didn't even consider. Yeah, and I guess like, I guess I knew that there were some circumstances where you had to have some knowledge that you were

engaging in the crime in order for you to be culpable, that that's like one of the ways, like, in order for this to be a crime, these conditions have to be met it just never occurred to me because in this case they tried to hide it yeah exactly right you know yeah it's like when my kids get caught doing something and then they real quick try to hide

it or make an excuse and then they're like oh but you know it's like get caught that shit out right you fucking knew that's why you hit it. Yeah. Soon as you are hiding it, as soon as you're trying to avoid getting caught, I know you know. Yeah. And in this case, it's like, I know you know. Yeah. So cut that shit out.

Yeah. Yeah, no, I'm right there with you. I'm right there with you. I think that there are, you know, we talked about it last week and we talked about it many times that they either thought it was immoral or they thought it was illegal. Yeah yeah and both of those things are bad nobody tries to hide something

they think is okay to do right so that's gonna wrap it up for this week um we'll be back next week uh but we're gonna leave you like we always do with the skeptics creed credulity is not a virtue it's fortune cookie cutter mommy issue hypno-Babylon bullshit Couched in scientician double bubble toil and trouble pseudo quasi alternative acupunctuating pressurized Stereogram pyramidal free energy healing water downward spiral brain dead pan sales pitch late night infoocutainment. Leo Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti,

aliens, churches, mosques, and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides.

Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. the opinions and information provided on this podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only all opinions are solely that of glory hole studios llc cognitive dissonance makes no representations as to accuracy completeness current, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information and will not be liable for any errors, damages, or butthurt arising from consumption. All information is provided on an as-is basis. No refunds. Produced in association with the local dairy council and viewers like you.