Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 484: How To Heretic

Episode Date: August 26, 2019

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Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome mat. This is episode 484, Cecil, of Cognitive Dissonance. And we will not be having the King of Denmark in the studio. But we will have later on the How To Heretic guys. Which is similar, but they can't sell us Greenland.

I think that if they wanted to, they could sell us Greenland. I think it's as likely that they'll sell us Greenland. I wish that someone just pulled out like a deed and just sold it to them. You bought Greenland. Greenland, stupid. Oh, Jesus. What is happening?

We're going to talk about this in more detail, but like my favorite thing about the current dystopian nightmarish timeline that we're all forced to exist in until we eventually peter out and spit off into the world is that it can't be more ridiculous. Right.

When I read that story, I checked it three times to make sure it was real. Right. Three times. I will say, some of the satire articles that came out afterwards caught me. Because I was like, oh, did they? And I was like, oh, damn, they didn't. You can't know anything. Because the satire articles were like, they offered to trade for Puerto Rico.

The satire articles were awesome. Like they were really great. You know what would be amazing? It'd be amazing if like, before acquiring any more weird territories, if we could make the territories that we have now into states, so they actually have representatives.

Did you know that American Samoa, if you live in American Samoa, unlike the rest of the territories, you're not a citizen? Yeah. If you're from Gu Samoa, if you live in American Samoa, unlike the rest of the territories, you're not a citizen? Really? Yeah. If you're from Guam, you're a citizen. If you're from Puerto Rico, you're a citizen. If you're from American Samoa... Do you at least get free Girl Scout cookies? Actually, what you get is American samosas. And in the morning, get an American mimosa too. So like you get like a little bit

of champagne, a little bit of orange juice. Isn't that crazy? It's a good, yeah, it's a terrible drink. Yeah. It is a bad drink. It is a bad drink. Mimosas are bad drinks. Mimosas are bad. They're terrible. Mimosas taste like fucking bachelorette puke. They do. They do. It tastes like

a golden shower from a bachelorette puke. They're the worst. And it's, it's a terrible, it's a terrible drink. I don't know why people drink them. First off, champagne is the worst thing

human beings ever create. Let's, let's bitch about champagne. It's the worst thing. Human beings, human beings have been on this planet and we're, we're nearly done,

right? We're almost done. We're nearly finished with our time on the planet. Very close. Amazon is, the Amazon clock is ticking. It's not an Amazon. Not what I bought at Amazon, the literal Amazon. Actually that clock's on fire.

Yeah. That clock is on fire. Yeah. It is definitely a doomsday clock right now that we're looking at. And, uh, and we created champagne and I just cannot, I've never once tasted a champagne that I thought that was delicious. I've never tasted a champagne that I thought that doesn't taste the way a headache feels. Yeah, right. Like, if you were to say, like, would you like this champagne or that Malort? I would have to think about that. You would have to, because at least you could just do the Malort real quick. Right.

And just be like, yeah, put hair on parts that I didn't want hair. I would feel madly if I drank the Malort. I'd be like, yeah. Yeah. I'd feel like a fucking Chicago cop or something. You're just beating people at black sites. You're just going to black sites

to like torture people. No, but the thing is, is like I've had wines. I've had dozens, if not hundreds of wines that I've enjoyed, right? Where I've tasted the wine and been like,

that's a very, very pleasant drink. And you know, I normally don't like white wines. So that may be why I don't like champagne. I like red wines. I don't like white wines. There's like one or two white wines that I think are okay. But for the most part, white wines are either boring or meh for me. So I'm not crazy about them. White wine to me smells like drunk mommy breath. It does. It's just like, oh God. Yeah. It smells like,

like Aunt Susie getting a little handsy. You know? It smells like afternoon pills. It does. But seriously though, it's just something that is just horrifying.

And then just to like, be like, yeah, but we're going to take the horrifying and we're going to cut it with orange juice. Be like, just give me the orange juice.

Yeah, I like orange juice. Throw a shot of vodka in there you know what I mean right thank you yeah we could you do your mimosa I'll do a screwdriver in the morning

it's like what if you drank this orange juice and then like now you're going to belch orange juice right so it's like oh it burns

it is shitty because like it's like effervescent it's like what the fuck there's a reason we don't mix tang with Sprite I also like when champagne's like it's like effervescent. It's like, what the fuck? There's a reason we don't mix Tang with Sprite.

I also like when champagne is like, it's dry. No. Chalk is dry. Dry champagne feels like drying, like your insides have given up and you're fucking like, oh, I ate one of those silica gel things. It's like, do not eat. It's like doing shooters of embalming fluid. It's like, no, I don't need that yet.

Fuck champagne. I mean, I'll need it in like 15 months when the world dies, but I don't need it now. Oh, there won't be anybody to embalm you, silly. I really do feel like we should have got Greenland though, because then at least we could go somewhere when it gets really

really warm that's true because when I play Plague Incorporated when I play that game Greenland's the hardest to infect it is

because there's only 55,000 people it's like that and Madagascar are real difficult so I actually I'm going to buy some retirement property

in the balmy state of Greenland it will be I know eventually there you go warming it right up but anyway so Trump tried to buy it The balmy state of Greenland. It will be. I know. Eventually. There you go. Warming it right up.

But anyway, so Trump tried to buy it. Yes. He tried to buy it. We're looking at an article right now from Vanity Fair, but he tried to, he made an inquiry. Yeah. And they laughed at him. And he was so, so, so put off by that, he canceled his trip to Denmark. The best part is, as I understood this story,

people sort of astonishingly were like, hey, we were in meetings, and he was talking about buying Denmark. Yeah. And then that story got out, so he started tweeting like, essentially, it's just a large real estate deal. But he never actually, as far as I know, officially, through official channels, reached out to Denmark to say,

hey, can I buy Greenland from you? And when eventually word got out, Denmark was like, Greenland's autonomous, and as far as we're concerned, not for sale. This is absurd. And then he called her nasty. He called her comments nasty, a word that he only seems to use

when he's talking about women. Absolutely. He never uses the word nasty. But he uses it all the time when he's talking about the nasty comments of women. That's a very common theme. It's a telling way to speak about women. When you're a misogynist,

it's pretty easy to point you out. I mean, I use it all the time. That's how I know. It's like wearing a misogynist, it's pretty easy to point you out. I mean, I use it all the time. That's how I know. It's like wearing a misogynist jersey. Right. Or like, I'm number four for the Chicago misogynists or something, you know?

What would the logo for the misogynist? Like if the misogynist had a sports team? It's a sandwich. I didn't mean that, ladies. I'm sorry. That'd be the only food at their games one thing I do want

to put out there and this is for Denmark because I know you listen all of Denmark adopt me just adopt here's the thing

Greenland isn't for sale I am I am and I'm cheap I'm so cheap I'm so cheap Denmark all you have to do

is just say y'all have me and that's it that's the fucking and that is our blood brother, like, contract written in blood. I will be there tomorrow. All you have to do is just say,

please come here. I love you. I want you. And I will be there tomorrow, Denmark. That's all it takes. You're going. That's all it takes, Denmark. I'm throwing myself at you, Denmark. I'll guarantee all the people, though, in Puerto Rico, like when I saw that thing, I was just like, yeah, I bet you Puerto Rico would be all for that trading straight up because they'd be like, finally, someone's going to take care of us.

Finally, you know, someone would take care of us. Who wouldn't want to be owned by Denmark? Like, I'll wear the dog collar. No shit. You won't be around. So I want to read this because I think this is so great. This is the former ambassador to NATO, right? This is what he said about this.

Sometimes it's hard to believe that what Trump is saying and doing on the world stage is actually happening. This is one of those days. Yeah, yeah. Like we are literally living in a world where people who are like, I've made my life service being in foreign service or being, and they're looking around like, all right, I've seen some weird shit. Yeah. And this, this takes the cake. I don't even know anymore. I can't even, I genuinely feel like we have so

much fatigue from every single thing that he does. And recently, I want to say it was this week. I read something that was really interesting. It was a Facebook post from someone, you know, a friend of mine, a Facebook friend of mine who who had said something like, it's insulting to say, guys, don't get bogged down in all this stuff. It's a distraction. He's just trying to distract you from something else. He's like, that's really insulting to say. I have a brain. I can pay attention to multiple things at one time. If I want to focus on something about Denmark, multiple things at one time. If I want to focus on something about Denmark,

I can focus on something about Denmark and still focus on him, you know, saying anti-Semitic remarks or him doing X and Y and Z and, you know, all the things that he did this week. His mush mouth this week where he's talking and it's literally slurring and he can't even pronounce words. I didn't hear this.

Wait, what? Hold on a second. I read the news twice a day. Like, I don't even pronounce words. I didn't hear this. Wait, what? Hold on a second. I read the news twice a day. Like, I don't even know how I missed this. She shouldn't treat the United States that way by saying, what an absurd. She said, absurd. That's not the right word to use.

Absurd. The members of our armed forces, and you understand that very well, the members of our armed forces have always lived. Also calling upon all 50 states to immediately waive all applicable state taxes as well. Despite these obstacles, Karen is now pursuing. What is going on? So, yeah, I mean, like that's not just one or two things.

It's many speeches recently. And so, like, there's a lot of things to pay attention to. Yeah. There's a lot of that. That may be mental decline. You don't know, right? We don't know. Could be slipping his... Yeah, they used that excuse before. They said it says, you know, but he didn't go out and

get fucking denture germ or whatever the fuck to hold it in his fucking mouth. Yeah, but he denied having dentures, right? Yeah, so whatever, you know, like, yeah, again, you can't, he has it both ways all the time. He has it both ways. But there's a million things that you could say, you know, it's all a distraction from something,

but it's not a distraction. It's almost at this point, it's fatigue. We're fatigued by so much, everything that comes out. I'm sick of talking. I'm literally sick of talking about him. We show, I, we get the notes, we put together the notes and I go through the notes and I look at the notes for the week, the stories that come out this week and half of them are Trump stories. And I don't, I'm just sick of it. I'm so sick of talking about him. I'm genuinely sick

of talking about him. It's so just depressing to hear every day. And there's so much of it. And it's like, you know, you look. And there's so much of it. And it's like, you know, you look back, we were doing this podcast or a variant of this podcast when Bush was in office. I know, I know. And once in a great while, we would have a Bush story. It was political back then. It was political.

We had skeptical. And once in a while, we would have a Bush story. Once, and when Sarah Palin came on and she was doing crazy shit all the time, we talked about her a bunch because she was funny and it was crazy and it was insane and it never made any sense. But when Obama was in office, Obama did some things that

we talked about, but mostly we didn't talk about politics because politics wasn't, it was just sort of status quo, we're sort of on the same path. Not a lot was getting done. Not a lot was getting done, but not a lot was getting done. Not a lot was getting done, but not a lot was getting fucked up either.

Right. You know, here he is, Denmark, one of our closest allies for years, and not one of our closest allies, but certainly a very close ally in the EU.

An ally that's always been a staunch supporter of us and us of them. Right. And then to to patulantly say, I'm not going to come visit you now because you won't let

me buy Greenland. Like, are you fucking serious right now? And like, I don't know how you defend this as a Trump supporter. I don't know how you defend the content. I mean, it's not just, this isn't just Denmark. It's, it's dozens of our allies suddenly look at us and say, what the fuck is happening over there? Yeah. but that's the thing. It's like our allies have changed. Our allies have changed from being the traditional allies of the Western European nations and the NATO nations.

And now our allies are Russia and North Korea. They're despots. Yeah. They are our allies. We are making friends with despots and we are alienating the free world. Yeah. And that's like,

oh, Erdogan and Putin and fucking Kim Jong-un and like, I'm looking around and I'm just like, these are the worst people in the world.

The worst people in all the world. You don't want to be in league with these people. Yeah, that's a party I wouldn't attend. You never want to be in league with these people.

He's such a fool that he was like, yeah, I'm doing great things with Kim Jong-un. And Kim Jong-un's just like, another rocket, boom, another rocket, boom. What are you going to do, bitch? And he's like, nothing, I love you.

I got a very beautiful letter. Yeah. I received a beautiful letter. Got a wonderful letter from a guy. Great. Good for you. Great. Good for you.

Yeah. He's shooting rockets into the sea. He's threatening the world. He's resuming his nuclear program. And you're fucking jerking off over a love letter from your Korean man baby. And Russia's testing weapons that are exploding over Europe. Oh, how fucking crazy is the shit Russia's building? Did you hear the daily about the stuff?

Russia's building the craziest weapons. And in part because the arms race between America and Russia has heated the fuck back up. So now we're in this new arms race. So the kinds of weapons we're building are like autonomous nuclear underwater drones. Yeah, basically underwater nuclear

drones. And if like Moscow gets nuked, the orders would be like, well, we're all dead, but you're dead too now. Doomsday shit. They're building missiles that are essentially cruise missiles that have a nuclear generator built into them so they can fly for months or years.

That's what blew up and killed all the scientists working on it. And then they're building other missiles that go, and they tested the other day, missiles that go five times the speed of sound, like Mach 5, it's like 35,000 miles an hour. It's just essentially too fast

to intercept. Yeah. Like, Earth is 26,000 miles across. This thing goes 26, or 35,000 miles an hour. Yeah. Which means it's striking range

in 30 minutes. 30 minutes, yeah. You don't even have time to do anything. You just sit there and fucking kiss your ass goodbye. That's what you get to do. I don't even know

if you'd get notice of it. Yeah. You might not. You might not. It's insane what's going on right now. You might minutes, yeah. You don't even have time to do anything. You just sit there and fucking kiss your ass goodbye. That's what you get to do. I don't even know if you'd get notice of it. Yeah. You might not. You might not. It's insane what's going on right now. You might not, yeah. And like, these are our allies? Like, we have no allies left.

Yeah. And we're going to piss people off because they won't sell us their fucking backyard? That's fucking ridiculous. Like, what is going on right now? I don't know, man. Everyone has a talent, a gift, something that makes them special.

And for Rusty, that special something was the ability to attract deviant pedophiles. And so he picked the town's economy up and carried it on his slender, boyish hips. All right, so this story is from churchandstate.org. Texas Baptist pastor who advocated executing women for abortion faces child sex assault charges. So awful human proves himself awful. Admittedly, though, look at him. He doesn't look like the kind of guy that throws food away. All right, so we actually have covered this guy in the past.

This is Stephen Bratton. And so there's a couple of things about the story that are awful, but also there's the way that they handled it, which is generally literally perfect. And I've seen a couple of stories this week where churches, big churches have uncovered predators in their midst, and they've immediately contacted the police and excommunicated. That's great.

That's great. In fact, one happened in Illinois. Do you know that Family Harvest Bible Midwest Christian? I've been to the Family Harvest once. Me too. Yeah. They have like a fucking PA system that like make you cry. It's beautiful in there.

Yeah. That place, I got like, like saved and all that shit. Yeah. They touched your face. Yeah. They asked me if I renounced Satan and then they jibbered at me and everything.

They gave you cuddles. It was super weird. It was super weird. I went to a wedding there. Oh my God. How weird was that? It wasn't terrible. It was good sound.

You know what I mean? Like they had a good sound system and they were on a stage when they got married because it's a stage. It's a stage church. It's a church with a stage. It's not a church with an altar. It's not like, you know,

when you go to the Catholic church and there's like an altar and there's like a one dude, enough for a dude and maybe an altar boy blowing him or whatever that's that's there's not it's like a whole fucking like you could have a whole production of peter pan with a fly system i saw hamilton there anyway yeah it's just yeah but so to their their credit and to the credit of the Grace Family Baptist Church, when this guy was found out, they were just like, great, we're calling the police

and you're not a part of our church anymore. Yeah, yeah. So this is a guy who believed and was very vocal about saying like, look, if women get abortions, that they should be arrested, they should be convicted and that should be a capital offense.

Sure. He's calling a murder. Yeah. And this guy is a guy who has been raping a teenage girl for- Years. Like every day. For years.

For years. Yeah, multiple times a day for years. Yeah. And he's, and just like you said, they got rid of him right away. They contacted the authorities, you know, they found out,

they contacted the authorities, and good, you know. But this guy is, like you said, we talked about of him right away. They contacted the authorities, you know, they found out, they contacted the authorities and good, you know. But this guy is, like you said, we talked about him before. This is the kind of guy, this is like a, he's like a one issue pedophile. You know what I mean? Like he's like, he's like, he's got one issue and it's abortion. And he's going to tell his congregants about how, you know, everybody who's ever, you know, even, even when we're talking about even day after pill stuff, is an abortion and it's an abhorrence and it's awful

and they should be punished for it. You should punish women. And he was just punishing a young woman. That's all he was doing. He's punishing all the women that he can. Well, it's clearly like you only arrive at this, we talked about this before, but you only arrive at this kind of extremist worldview

if you're a deep-seated misogynist, right? Right. That's where this comes from. I want women to go to jail and be executed by the state for having it. That is misogyny. I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry, but raping some 14-year-old girl,

it is a branch of the same tree. I'm not saying it's, it's a, it is a branch of the same tree. I'm not saying it's the same thing, but it's a branch of the same tree. Yeah, he's a, he's a, he's a pedophile rapist. Maybe he was married insole. You know what I mean? Like, he's an insole.

You know what I mean? Like, when people talk about women like this, the first thing that comes to my mind is you're an insole. Like, you're the, you're one of those guys who hates women so much and all you want to do

is just show how much you hate women. I came across a Reddit, a subreddit a while back called Insulteers. And it's when they're like bitching and complaining, they cut and copy it and post it there. And it's the shit they say or the shit they write is the most hateful, shitty stuff you could possibly imagine. When I read it, I'm just like blown away that a human being would say these things out loud

or type them on the internet. I'm always just like, how is it that this person is so fucking angry at women in general? How is that possible? And then I realized, you know what? There's a lot of people out there that are just super angry with women.

Here's a perfect example. A guy who's super angry with women. Look at all these people who want to ban abortion. There is some level of anger towards women there. It's certainly not towards men because they're not talking about any kind of extramarital sex or premarital sex. There's never any crackdown on that. There's never any, well, you know what we need to do? We're just going to need to start giving guys vasectomies because there's just too many babies out there. There's just too many abortions. We got to start, you know, we can stop this. All we have to do is just stop the

seed from getting in there. They don't do that at all. It's all on the woman's shoulders. The advice is never keep your dick in your pants. It's always keep your legs closed. Exactly. Absolutely. Right. But he has the word roaring, the word great, and the word reviews all in caps. Look up the numerology behind those words, then it comes out to the number 17.

What does the number 17 mean? Q. That just means Q. It's the 17th letter of the alphabet. Well, this is a lot more simple than I thought it would be. Donald Trump is one of the most intelligent men probably in our lifetime. Like, top five, believe it or not.

I find it hard. Now, this isn't necessarily Trump. But it's close. I laughed out loud when I read this. This is from BuzzFeed. Rick Perry, the man in charge of American nuclear weapons, fell for an Instagram hoax. This is pretty great. And he fell for an Instagram hoax, by the way, that's like 10 years old?

It's so old. It was when Facebook first came out there posting this all over. So this is that like, if you guys, you'll have to go back in your fucking memory machine to,

but you remember seeing like those posts where it'd be like, on such and such a date, Facebook's going to change so that it can sell all your data to Cambridge Analytica

or whatever. And they're like, if you don't want that to happen, post that you don't like that right here. And then it can't happen. Just say no. Say no right now.

Say Facebook no, and then swat your monitor with a magazine, a rolled up magazine, and Facebook can't do it. Well, I'll read what it actually says, part of it.

I won't read the whole thing. It's a deadline today. It can be used in court cases and litigation against you. Everything you've ever posted becomes public from today. And I laughed used in court cases and litigation against you. Everything you ever post, it becomes public from today. And I laughed. I'm like, everything you post is already public. It's a public fucking

forum. You do have privacy so you can post things just for your friends and other people can't see it. You can, but if somebody breaks into that or screenshots it or sends it, you don't have recourse. No, you don't have any recourse. You have no recourse on that. You don't have real

right to privacy. You're right. Even messages that have been deleted or photos not allowed, it costs nothing for a copy paste, better than safe than sorry. And you have to say this like, so what you have to do is

turn off all the lights. Save the mirror. Save the mirror. So what do you have to say? You have to say, I do not give Instagram or any entities associated with Instagram permission

to use my pictures, information, messages, or posts, both past and future. With the statement, I give notice that Instagram is strictly forbidden

to disclose, copy, distribute, or take any other action against me based on this profile and its contents. And when you do that,

you see the Facebook logo slowly coming forth. You see Zuckerberg appear in the mirror. Zuckerberg standing behind you. He's got bees on him. Candy man. He's covered in bees. He's covered in bees and he's just like,

he's like really kind of like sort of happy and chipper about it. He's just like, hey guys. How you doing? That weird like twitchy head thing he does. If you join the bees together, he disappears. He's Candy Crush Man. Candy Crush Man. Oh my God.

Or he's Bee Jewel Man. So Rick Perry, by the way, he's in charge of the energy department which he didn't know what it was when he accepted the position he thought it had something to do with like oil and gas

yeah he thought it was yeah so did Palin Palin was like put me in front of in charge of energy baby and she doesn't know what it is and he doesn't

the interior is the he took the job and didn't know what it was he took the and it's also like one of the departments he didn't write on his fucking hand it was one of the departments he didn't write on his fucking hand

it was one of the ones that were like what ones did you get rid of uh uh god oh god we got rid of that guy

oh we got rid of that guy but we didn't actually get rid of that guy how much does this shock you this doesn't shock you at all does it

of the thing he was gonna get rid of that he didn't know what it was but this is the world we live in. But seriously though, think about it, Tom. Would you be surprised if he fell for, guess what, chicken butt?

You wouldn't be surprised, right? You'd be like, no. Rick Perry says what? That's Rick Perry. That's Rick Perry for you. He almost certainly has a deed to abridge. There's no way he doesn't, right? It's Rick Perry.

Seriously? Yeah. What the fuck? He carries a stone that keeps tigers. He posted this on his personal discovery page? It should not scare you. His next post is going to be, hey guys, I'm having an Avon party. What a stupid man. What a stupid man.

What a stupid, stupid man. What makes me crazy, what makes me crazy, Tom, is that this guy is genuinely a fool, right? I know I'm making fun of him for this or whatever, but he's like,

this isn't like the only dumb thing that Rick Perry, right? Like Rick Perry's a genuinely not a smart person, right? And I know I'm not a, I'm not a super genius. I get it? And I know I'm not a super genius. I get it. I understand.

I'm not a super genius. But I see these guys like Rick Perry. I mean, he's made it. He's made it. He was not only involved in government, but then he's also now involved as an appointed member, not just an elected member, not official. He's an appointed official that's going to be there until the end

of this Trump administration. And I'm just blown away that this guy made it. I'm scratching by every day. I'm scratching by. Like, what the fuck? This guy isn't scratching by. He's an idiot, man. How does that work? What the fuck

kind of shit? It just feels like it's like cosmically cursed. Like the world is cosmically cursed. Yeah. It's certainly evidence that like karma is not a real thing. Like we don't get what we deserve. But Justice Ginsburg, realistically, how long do you think you can hold on? Oh, forever, Colin. I'm eating an apple a day to keep Ben Carson away.

And by apple, I mean pure human growth hormone, of course. And if that doesn't work, I've hidden horcruxes in all the tablets in the D.C. metro area. This story comes from Right Wing Watch. This was a very Mark Taylor week. It was. There's a lot of Mark Taylor stuff.

We might not get to it all. But he was on fire. As the firefighter prophet. I found it a little ironic. Absolutely. Him and the Amazon. Both of them on fire this week. Here he is saying that Ruth Bader Ginsburg has got to be a

pedophile. Ruth Bader Ginsburg is not a file of any kind at this age. Could you imagine her chasing around a little kid? Like, doesn't there come a point where you're just like all done with, you're just like, my bits and bobs don't- There is a point.

There is a point where your body just says, no more of that. Right. We're done with that. It's just like- There's a point in your life where you're never, ever, ever going to do another pull-up. Where you're like, that's it. We're no more pull-ups. We're done with that. There's a point in your life where you're never, ever, ever going to do another pull-up. That's it. We're no more pull-ups. We're done with pull-ups now. You're

never going to play another pickup game of one-on-one basketball. Never going to happen again. You're done. You're never going to high jump again. Certain things you're never going to do. And at a certain point, your body's like, no more sex. I'm 175,000 years old. We're done. We're done. Yeah, the only thing that's in there at this point is a mummified corpse. I've already started to pre-embalm parts of my body

and that part has been embalmed. In preparation? Yeah, right, exactly. It's the most absurd thing you've ever heard. A pedophile. A pedophile. The Anons had said that they're preparing for a royal funeral in the next eight days, but they just sent

a new honor guard group to DC to prepare for Jimmy Carter's funeral. Wow. That prophecy I wrote, evil crew of 32, when the Lord was telling me

when one goes. Yeah, I mean, there's nobody more evil than Jimmy Carter. Jimmy Carter is like the nicest person. He like lives in like a $170,000 house

and like wakes up and does his own dishes like works for Habitat for Humanity yeah all day yeah yeah

he's a content and he's been doing it for years what a monster what an absolute awful person what a monster totally fucking selfish shitty politician won't be far behind

Bush died November of last year if this comes true this will be the second one right here what about this one this one be the second one right here. What about this one? This one's the one I can't verify. Maybe you can.

It's John Roberts. They said his name was mentioned in there. I love, hold on a second. I love that if somebody else dies, that'll be the second person. No, yeah. That's how that would work. Yeah. I mean, like,

you could do that with literally anybody. Cecil, if you die, you'll be the second one in this room. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, what? Well, and then you could just like, like the reason why their prophecies quote unquote work

is because they just literally have no target, right? So if they say an important person is going to die, that is literally true. Yeah. You could even say an important person just died. And that's literally true. Somewhere in the world, an important person just died. Guaranteed true. Somewhere in the world, an important person just died. Guaranteed. Within the last hour, let's say. Guaranteed. Oh, an important person just died.

No specificity whatsoever. You say that out loud. You're just like, okay, well, there's, I mean, there's no timeline and you're, well, in this case, I guess there is kind of a timeline because you're like, yeah, it's eight days or whatever. But you give yourself eight days for an important person that you don't like to die. One of these old fuckers that's in Washington, D.C. There's people dying in Washington, D.C. all the time. Because you know what? They're a million years old.

I know. Everybody out there is so fucking old. Ruth Bader Ginsburg, she's already, I think she's died and been resurrected already. Are you kidding me? Have you seen interviews with her? Yes. She is as old as you can be. She's already, I think she's died and been resurrected already. Are you kidding me? Have you seen interviews with her? Yes. She is as old as you can be.

She has reached the limit of how old you can be. She is hanging on through sheer force of spite. And I love her for it. I do too. But she is stitched together with like depression era throat lozenges or something. I don't know what she's made of. Yeah, she's fucking Jack Skeleton. She is, but she's,

you know, I saw an interview with her and there, she was talking about how there was like a Senator said, you're going to be dead soon. He's dead now. She's not. She's like, he's fucking dead now.

Boom, bitch. And then she fucking dropped the mic and what? Very slowly walked out of the room. And she didn't drop the mic from that high either. I mean, to be fair, she's a fucking heroic human being. Absolutely.

So I know we're kidding, but she's a fucking absolutely heroic human being. It's just that she is so... She's so unbelievably old. Yeah. And again, it's so easy to just call that and be like,

yeah, she's going to die soon. Yeah. She probably will. At some point, those tel going to die soon. Yeah, she probably will. At some point, those telomeres will stop. You have to stop. There's no limit to cycle. Going twice. Now, they said they didn't say SCOTUS.

They said it was a guy named John Roberts, so they can't verify if this is the one. Now, if he's- Oh, yeah, it could just be any John Roberts. It's like John Roberts, the elevator repairman dies. John Roberts is going to die? Yeah. How old is John Roberts? He's repairman, dies. Is John Roberts is going to die? Yeah. How old is John Roberts? He's not that old.

64? It's not that old. He's not that old. I mean, like when you go to, like when you're talking about like old politicians, he's certainly not that old. Yeah, he's not one. You and I both know that little witch

called RBG has been there multiple times. Larry Nichols told me himself years ago, there was pedophilia on that court. Oh, they're talking about John Roberts being tied to Epstein. Epstein. Yeah, because Epstein, now they're starting to make,

because now Epstein's dead, now they're starting to make, after the fact, like weird push pin string things going on. Right, yeah. So that's what they're doing with him. And then now they're saying that also Ruth Bader Ginsburg was also

with Epstein being a pedophile. If John Roberts has been there, that means RBG's been there. Why does that mean that? Why does that mean that? Because Epstein flew them all around in his private jet.

They had a session of the Supreme court in the air. Like, I don't understand. Am I supposed to believe that she like conservative chief justice, John Roberts is like palling around. Like, like they're like, we're everywhere.

She goes, he goes, best buddies or whatever. He's got to go real slow though. Cause she didn't move fast for nobody at this point. What was that? Remember that? I do.

My buddy. My buddy. That's what it was. Then that might be the scandal God's been talking about. The three would be taken down in a scandal. Who's the third one? Well, I can tell you Ruth Bader Ginsburg is really behind a lot of the abortion rulings. She's a witch from the pit of hell.

That's Sheila Zalitsky, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. I forgot about that lady. This is a lady who thought fucking FEMA trucks were like the end of the world

or something. You know what I love about this is you know that if like RBG heard this, which she would never waste her fucking time on this, she would laugh

and laugh and laugh. A witch from the pit of hell. Okay. You gotta okay you gotta you gotta wonder you're just like like with these people

they have no argument all they have is ad hom that's all they have they've never had anything that's that's resembled a regular argument all they have is speculation and ad hominem attacks

they don't have anything else my new goal in life is to be attacked by the nutters on right wing watch oh yeah to be like Tom is a the demon from the pit of hell oh yeah to be it to be like tom is

a demon from the pit of hell amazing i would get that i would get t-shirts i would too i'd make a t-shirt yeah she's the one that ruled that 12 year olds should be able to have sex in her dissertation or whatever it was so i she's got to be yeah i don't even know what it was but it was something so i'm just gonna make it up uh she wrote it down somewhere once yeah in a thing i jerked off to doesn't exist. And if that's the case, then this is the scandal that God was talking about where three would go down on the Scotus because they would demand their resignations if that was the case. And so who's the third unknown?

That's what I want to know because there's another one in there somewhere. That's Scalia. So, Tom, right now, our sponsor, AdamandEve.com. And AdamandEve.com, I just want to mention, if you like to fuck. If you don't. Really? Yeah. But if you like to fuck and you like to get fucked, AdamandEve.com is a great sponsor for this show

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This is Mark Taylor again from Right Wing Watch. Representative Maxine Waters is activating Satan's pastors to attack Trump. Activating. All right, here we go. This is Mark Taylor. And this is, he's not on his show. He's on this Upfront the Prophetic or something. That's the name of their show.

Upfront in the Prophets? In the Prophets. In the Prophetic. Prophetic. Let's talk about here, Maxine Waters. We all talked about this, Maxine Waters. We all talked about this, what, last week when your head intercessor, Melissa Leggett, mentioned that she really thought,

and after I reread it, I was like, wow, she is calling the sleeper cells of the church. It was code. It was code. So this is Maxine Waters is, I guess, calling the sleeper cells awake. Yeah, well, it was a code. Yeah. It was code. So this is Maxine Waters is, I guess, calling the sleeper cells awake. Yeah, well, it was a code. Yeah.

It was a code that Mark Taylor knows the deciphering keys to. Sure. And so does she. So does she, too. Well, what they're not mentioning is that earlier in the story

is that what they did is they intercepted a submarine. And on that submarine... They had that key thing. Right, yeah. So these guys have the Enigma machine. These guys have the Enigma.

Yeah. And they don't mention that in the beginning because they don't want to like, sure. Excite you. It's not the enigma. It's the prophecy. That's what they have. Yeah.

Maybe they know Apache. Maybe they're all wind talkers. They're all wind talkers. And I'm going to read it. And so that they can see it themselves. Okay. So this is what, this is what Maxine Waters said.

This is the activation code. So you in the audience, go get the cotton and plug up your ears now. Yeah, what if you're like Manchurian? Yeah, you guys gotta be careful. You know what you can do is you can just take your belt off and tie one arm to the couch just to make sure you don't

get completely activated. You're just walking around like a zombie when your wife comes home from work. You're just walking around like a zombie when your wife comes home from work. You're snapping at people. Trump, you called the El Paso shooting an act of cowardice. Trump, you're a coward. You could use the bully pulpit to stop these horrific mass shootings,

but you continue racist attacks on Americans. And I'll tell you what. Okay, so that's what she said. That's the quote. That's the code. It sounds like she's just saying what she means. It does sound like she's reacting to something that happened. That's a fucking, that's a code, man. Yeah. You really had to work. You know what I mean? You had to work to put that all together. I would, I would, if she came up and was like ballpoint sturgeon. Right. Exactly. Like ballpoint sturgeon. I'd exactly. Like ball point sturgeon. Barking dogs carry

umbrellas. That's a code. I'll admit, that's a code when Maxine Waters is like the burka flies at midnight or whatever. It's like, okay, alright. That's a code, Maxine. Tripod airplanes intercept

the dog. Okay, alright. I'm with you, Maxine. I'm airplanes intercept the dog. Okay, all right. I'm with you, Maxine. I'm with you. That's super odd. But when she's like, I condemn the El Paso shooting, and you should too. But she's like,

when your fucking racist rhetoric contributes to the problem, what she probably means is. Yeah, exactly. The racist attacks are all coming from them. Whatever you spew out, you know, that saying, they say, oh, well, whoever's blaming you for one thing over and over and over again,

they're actually doing it, you know? Right. Or sometimes you are. Or there's demonstrable instances of you being racist and someone calling it out. Right. That's being like, you know, I have my hand on this girl's tits all night and she keeps calling me a

grope. I don't know what she is fucking really, really crazy. You know, maybe she's the grope. Maybe she likes it. She's the one who likes to touch people's tits. Maybe that's what it is.

Like, are you fucking kidding me? We have fucking documented proof of you being an absolute, you don't tell white people to go back where they came from. You don't tell white people that. You only tell brown people that. I thought that was spot on when Melissa said that in regards to activation. Absolutely.

And I'm sitting here taking bullet points here where you guys are talking. I'm not being rude here because if I don't write it down, I'm going to forget it. You're taking notes. You're not taking bullet points, you stupid motherfucker. He probably took his pen and he wrote a little dot next to where he wrote, I'm taking bullet points. You know who else is taking bullet points? Those people in El Paso.

You know what? I'm going to take notes on the Second Amendment in bullet points only. That's what I'm going to do because I'm a real American. I'm going to take bullet points and cross hairs. That's where I'm going to take notes on the second amendment in bullet points only. That's what I'm going to do. Cause I'm a real American. I'm going to take a bullet points and cross hairs. That's where I'm at. She's activated. What were the words she used? What words?

Pulpit. Oh, gosh. Which means kill a Republican. That's what that means. I, I like cannot wait for the explication where he's going to say bully pulpit, which means that I want to be like,

we know what it means. We know what it means. It's a well-known phrase. Yeah. We know what it means. We're good. You don't have to explain it to us, but he's going to somehow explain that it's like a fucking,

like a keyword to like fucking like reset the Ram. So B is the second letter in the alphabet inverted. That's a lot. Okay. Fuck. Okay. This is what the Lord told me the other day this goes along good uh i'm glad i'm glad what we're doing is we're we're we're listening we're not listening to the actual words that someone wrote and just saying yeah those make

sense in order and instead what you're saying is you're like you know what those are code and i know it because a secret being told me. I love when he's like, all right, this is what the Lord told me the other day. Yeah. When I was chatting with the Lord. I was just hanging out. Just went over and got a venti.

Got a venti macchiato. Yeah. And the Lord came down and sat and chatted with me. Yeah. I love, I always loved the idea that the Lord picks these fucking no-name-nobody prophets. Yeah.

So they can go on like some fucking weird YouTube channel. Yeah, Skype call show. Yeah. What was it? What did he say? It wasn't that important.

It wasn't that important. It was just the creator of the universe that was talking to me. So I didn't write it down. I didn't put bullet points somewhere. Instead, I just I'm just trying to remember this.

What was it he said? Something about bip, bip, bip. I don't know. Zippity-dop, zippity-dop. I don't know. It was actually Bill Cosby. He came over. You know, I can't remember because he raped me. What was it? The hordes of chaos

have been released right now. No, you're thinking of the new Vanilla Wow World of Warcraft. That's been re-released is what you're talking about. I thought it was

the gods of war or the dogs of hell or something. I had two prophetic occurrences that happened to me. One was my family member. One was a good friend of mine. Those are prophetic occurrences? Those are people. Those are prophetic occurrences that happened to me. Uh, one was my family member. One was a good friend of mine. Uh, those, those are prophetic occurrences. Those are people, those are prophetic occurrences.

And it was the hordes of chaos. Lord told me the hordes of chaos have been released on the earth right now. So we need to be praying to bind all those. Uh, you know what I mean? Cause, cause, cause God's just like, look, I'm not going to do any of the work. I will tell you that they're here, but look, you've got to do all the praying and the binding and the leashing and the walking and the house training.

You got to change the fucking litter box. The clicker training. They get on the couch. You got to click the can. You got to keep those demons off the couch. They got to get in their cage. They want to wear their thunder vest. God damn it. Stop scratching. You got to get in their cage. They want to wear their thunder vest. God damn it.

Stop scratching. You got a post right there. You fucking demon. Quit peeing in the corner. God damn. I walked you four times today. You know, if you keep this shit up,

I'm taking you to the fucking demon shelter. Yeah. And you can fucking live there. All right. It's a no kill demon shelter. It's just like somebody's like going to like pick out a new family demon. It's Helter Shelter. Yes.

Oh, shut it down. Cecil, shut it down. That's it. We're done for the night. That was amazing. Helter Shelter. All right. All right.

We've paused for a dad joke. We're moving on. Oh my God. That was the best thing you've ever said. Civil war in the enemy's camp. Division in the enemy's camp. All right. All right. We've paused for a dad joke. We're moving on. Oh, my God. That was the best thing you've ever said. Civil war in the enemy's camp. Division in the enemy's camp. All that. Out.

He all... I just... All that. You can hand wave all that. You know, we've been hand waving the Amazon fire all night, though, so... All that. All that. So, God's like...

God's just like, I... Fucking don't paraphrase me. Are you kidding me? Also told me, Satan's pastors have been activated. Come on. Yes.

Satan's. Jesus would be fucking saying that. Mark. Yes, finally. Somebody. In 30 seconds, she's going to throw a football over those mountains. Come on.

Come on. Yeah. God. I gotta go feed Lisa or whatever. What was the llama's name? What was the llama's name from that movie? Like Tina? Tina?

I'm going to go feed Tina. God. He's throwing casserole at the fucking llama that movie's amazing I forgot how stupid

that movie is oh god I brought you this fucking fresh mouth bass or whatever she totally did she not just make a Napoleon Dynamite

face when she said that she's like come on come on she's got the same hair she does she has the same hair Oh, Jesus. She's going to find her soulmate one day. It's a liger. My favorite, favorite,

mythical animal. First have been activated. Now, it's the first time I'm releasing this, by the way, publicly, I believe. I mean,

I've released it privately. I believe. I'm not sure. In the bathroom earlier. This, this, what she's saying, the bully pulpit,

she's activating Satan's pastors to begin bullying from the pulpit. Bullying the president. Oh my God. How do you bully the most powerful person in the fucking United States government? How do you bully him? What do you like walk up behind the old guy

and give him a wedgie? Do you fucking dump his books? Do you fucking, first off, I would say you'd mess up his hair, but if you put your hand up there, I don't know you'd get it back. It would just, the scalp would just come sliding right off.

He's like, what the fuck is in there? Hello! I got another one, hang on. Oh, God. How do you, how do you seriously, how do you bully the president? Like, I'm supposed to believe that there's like these pastors that are just like praying every day in front of their churches

and then like, we have been activated. Yeah. It is time to influence this man. Nobody can seem to influence. Yeah, right. He doesn't give a shit. He doesn't care.

This is predicated on the idea that he's like, what do the pastors have to say about my China policy? He doesn't give a fuck. As long as some weird right-wing dude says he's the fucking son of God or whatever, he doesn't care. Bling't give a fuck. As long as some weird right-wing dude says he's the fucking son of God or whatever,

he doesn't care. Bullying those with illegal immigration, bullying those with the border, it's all about activating... Look, the Lord has told me

that the devil is coming back for his dues right now. Do you think these idiots believe this fucking nonsense? Do you think they believe that Mark Taylor talks to God?

Well, those people, I think they probably believe a lot of stuff. I can't believe anybody thinks that anybody talks to God. You know, I don't believe that.

I don't. I can't understand a world where people are like, that guy, some guy in a fucking wrinkled blue t-shirt sitting in his mom's house.

He talks, yeah, right. The creator of the universe talks to that guy. What I want to say though, is, you know, we're going to be talking to,

uh, Dan and Doug from how to heretic about this story later, but something that we're, you know, we're definitely not going to cover with them is the idea. When Trump says that he's the chosen one, we talk about this with them later, but one of the things that we're,

you know, that when, when Trump says this're, you know, that when Trump says this is, you know, all these people that are like evangelical to talk about like the end times, like this Mark Taylor guy and all these other people. I thought for sure I read that the end times, there's going to be a guy who says he's God. There's going to be a guy who says he's the prophet who says it. And he's actually the antichrist. Wouldn't you think that they would all be thinking no this dude's the antichrist because he just said he's the chosen one he can't be the chosen one yeah but he's a republican yeah right that's the thing

right if obama did the same shit oh they already said it was like that he was the antichrist yeah they called him basil lip i don't know because he had like a fly because one time he had a fly by he had a fly by no He had a fly by. No, but what makes me crazy about this is that they don't, it feels like they don't, you know, I know they're never

going to be consistent, but it feels like at this point, they're just like throwing out big swaths of their belief system. Right. Where they,

you know, they might like let little stuff go in the past, but this is like giant pieces of their belief system that they're just like, no,

I'm not paying attention to that right now. Yeah. You know? Yeah. It's just whatever's convenient or inconvenient. It's just fucking nonsense. and I think one of the things is, is it really exposes that they would never cared about any of this stuff at

all. They never cared about, you know, this stuff as, as a story or as a truth, what they cared about it as a way to manipulate and control people. And when they have the control, they don't care about the story anymore. Right, yeah.

They don't give a fuck about the story because they already have all the control they need. So I don't care if I have to scare the shit out of you with the Armageddon if I already know I control the White House. It doesn't, like, that doesn't matter anymore. It's not necessary anymore. It's only necessary when I don't control it to scare you so that you do what I want you to do. Does that make

sense? Yeah, do you think they're that Machiavellian though? I mean, I just wonder about this. Well, you know, it's either that or they just throw it away. They just throw it away because it's in their, you know, either you're doing that unconsciously or you're doing it consciously. Maybe they're not doing it consciously, but they're definitely

doing it unconsciously. I guess I have a hard time ascribing this much motivation to a people that just don't seem that complex. They don't seem that self-aware. They don't. They just don't to me.

I'm flabbergasted anew every time when I'm like, fucking real people think this way. They wake up in the morning and like, this is the,

they look at the same world I look at and they think that like some fucking jackass in a fucking wrinkled shirt is having a fucking cup of coffee with Jesus or whatever. And then Jesus is telling him some cryptic weird shit.

Right. Like the hounds of howl will eat at your breakfast table or whatever. And it's only telling him, Uncle Barry Howl is coming. But they're only telling him like, yeah, does it? Yeah.

And they're just like, oh yeah, that's true. Like I got to do laundry later. Like I don't understand how you have the same life I have. So we're joined by Dan and Doug from the How To Heretic podcast. Welcome back to the show, gentlemen. Thanks for having us, guys.

This is great. Mark did get our cease and desist order. That's why he's not here, right? He's got to stay 1,000 yards away from this podcast. Yes, indeed. Although he might be closer to you guys than he is to us. He's in the Great White North up there somewhere in Canada. Yeah. 1,001 yards away with his pants off.

Exactly. There's a strip of the Yukon. That's not it. That's over a thousand yards from schools and churches. So that's where he is. It's that one tiny strip. Gentlemen, how's things? How's things out?

You're you guys are in Utah, right? We are. How's things in utah hot you guys aren't isn't your isn't your governor running for president oh that's montana it's like the same thing right isn't it the same thing utah montana i can't even remember if they have electricity yet i don't know it's all the same shade of white yeah exactly you guys just wear special underwear that's all there is to it so, yeah, it does get special white over here. We,

uh, we, we do our laundry different and everything. So it's good. Yeah. Gentlemen, we want to talk to you a little bit about a couple of stories. We said to you first,

we want to talk to you about a creepy Mormon. I think the Cree, we got to start with the creepy Mormon. Could you have just said, yeah, you got to be more specific. I don't understand the difference. This story comes to the raw story.

And it is, the title is, Perv, who snap pics of a woman in dressing room, turns out to be high-ranking Mormon church official. And this looks like, the guy kind of looks like, I don't know, maybe Mike Pence's personal trainer. He definitely has one of those looks that you you know better than to trust but you still you can't get a beat on him for sure he's definitely so i'm sorry guys who are we looking at is that is it the guy behind the store mannequin it certainly does i i so here's here's the story of what happened here's this guy he's uh he's in the

in the store h&m and he's uh he's got uh he sees a woman coming toward him with clothes and he says hey young lady use this very open uh dressing room right right here and so she does not have a camera right here and then he stands over her with his phone he's like on the bench with his phone over the wall taking a video or photos of her and she looks up she's already dropped trowels starting to change and she looks up she sees someone is pointing a fucking camera at her so she runs out and he does he does the smartest move which is to exit his little his room the same time she exits hers while deleting the photos in front of her. What he needed was one of those old-timey photographer things with the flashbang.

And she's like, what is that sound? It has the added benefit of stunning her for a second. It's like a flat bang, and he runs up and gets a handful real quick. Teenagers are like T-Rexes, like they say, based on movement. He's like, could you hold still for about 13 seconds, please? It's a daguerreotype. Madam, please don't smile.

He's got like an old Polaroid that just falls into her boot. Oh, I should have grabbed it. Can I get that back? Now it's a selfie. That's yours. Somebody needs to tell this poor guy about Pornhub.

Right? No shit, right like you can pretend that's consensual then yeah yeah but the moment of this story that's the most i don't know is it both the most shocking and the most mormon is that his wife apparently approached this woman yeah to say please don't give please don't tell on my husband. Yeah, yeah. Like, how, as creepy as he is, where the fuck

is she on that scale? Because she is, like, off the charts. Well, she's, it's a Mormon thing, so is it, you know, like, because don't they have, like, multiple wives,

she's pitching a threesome at this point? Is that what's happening? Totally. He's like a college sporting scout. He's like a college sporting scout. He's just out looking for talent. He's just doing that thing where you make a joke and then wait awkwardly afterwards.

Like, well, that'd be weird if we had a threesome, right? That's not Gage's reaction. Pause. Two. Three. Four. The wife comes back and is like, look, we've seen the photographs. Your hips

are good birthing hips. We're all in. We can get twins out of that. Let's do this. Jesus. Honey, get in there. You know at home there's a corkboard covered in photographs of girls in changing rooms,

with some with red circles and some with red Xs. He's making his wife wear a name tag. So, like, the thing I want to ask you guys about this is, we, once in a while, will catch a Mormon quote-unquote sex scandal out here in, you know, far away from Mormon land. Is there a lot of sex scandals in Mormon land or is that something that doesn't happen very often? It's a thing that happens plenty, but unlike the Catholic church, the Mormons are still really good at pressuring everybody to stay shut up about it. It's a thing that like, you probably caught it. there's a story a little while ago about uh a woman up you know this was a few years back but a woman who who approached

the guy who raped her when she was training to be a missionary this is a guy who was pretty high up oh yeah yeah i remember this i remember the point, like, the reason that that took years to come out, even though the church knew about it, was because everybody was told to shut the fuck up, including the victim and including other victims of the same guy, and they all do. So, this kind of, you know,

it's only when they venture out into public and go into the fucking H&M that they suddenly become the problem. And they can't control themselves. They can't control themselves. You have to wonder if he was like confused, like this is pretty standard stuff back in my house. In church, I can tabernacle or whatever. I can do this all I want.

Well, the strangest thing of the story for me is I was reading it. It says this happened in Nashville. I'm like, what the fuck was a Mormon doing in Nashville? They allowed them there. Math? Math. That's what says this happened in Nashville. I'm like, what the fuck was a Mormon doing in Nashville? They allowed them there. Meth? Meth, that's what he was doing in Nashville. Maybe he was on his mission. Like, don't they have to go to like faraway countries

or something? Oh, no, that guy's like 50 years out of his mission. Look at this guy. Don't you guys do that as a young whippersnappers? Isn't that like you guys are young? Yeah, don't you do that when you're young? They send missionaries to dangerous countries like Peru and Honduras. I don't know why Peru's dangerous, but they're not going to send people to Tennessee for God's sakes. They have some humanity. They have standards. Jesus. If I wanted to convert to Mormonism, would I have to do

mission? The fact that you just asked the question, if I wanted to convert to Mormonism, there will be a missionary at your door in about 30 seconds. I've never met a Mormon. Have you ever met a Mormon, Cecil? Not a practicing Mormon. Yeah, like in the wild. I've never met a wild Mormon. I've met ex-Mormons. I've met ex-Mormons. Message me your address. We'll have one over

tomorrow. We'll have somebody. Would you guys like a free book? They'll give you a book. You get a free book out of the deal. That's for sure. I got to ask you another question about this because this guy is clearly, you know, he's got a kink, right?

How tough is it for Mormons to express any kind of sexuality at all? Like in the Mormon culture, is it a lot of sexuality repressed? Oh, my God. Okay. Okay. Here's the thing. lot of sexuality repressed oh my god okay okay here's the thing take wherever you think there's the most sexual repression in the world and then multiply that by 20 that is mormonism other than the fact that like you know it was founded by a guy that clearly got his rocks off more than

anybody in the universe well that's why i thought like it would be not so repressed because don't you guys like i know that you like you like the mainstream sect doesn't marry multiple people but there are men like few sects of mormonism and several in the past that used to have multiple wives yeah and still are there's still there's still something like 130 000 um polygamists. What they call fundamentalist LDS. But yeah, the mainstream Mormon church, the downtown church, as we call it, those guys are the most white bread, sexually repressed. Here's how sexually repressed they are.

The most Mormon parts of Utah have the highest porn consumption in the country that is a fact and it's because they can't express anything they can't even talk to their own spouses without blushing you can tell how many times Mormons have had sex

by how many kids they have which I will say is actually a blessing when you're the child of Mormon parents and you don't want to imagine your parents having sex. You could just be like, you know what? My parents had sex twice and that's that. They didn't even like it.

At least half of them didn't. So Trump recently in a statement, uh, when he was standing by his helicopter and he talks, I don't know if you guys, I don't know how much you guys love this. I love this. I love that Trump loves to give his speeches while he's at the fucking helicopter.

He said, this is from CNBC, I am the chosen one, Trump proclaims as he defends the trade war with China. Now, I know we're probably not going to get into much about the trade war with China, but we do want to talk about this chosen one comment with you guys. Oh my God, I did so much research on the trade war with China, but we do want to talk about this chosen one comment with you guys. Oh my God, I did so much research on the trade war. God damn it. Okay, go ahead. No, no, let's stick to this.

That was good, Cecil. Okay, so we are versed, Tom and I have heard a lot about the apocalyptic death cult religions of the midwest which are which are the blood cult of we need to bring back jesus right so that's that's the the mantra is we need to bring back jesus jesus is going to come back he's going to fix everything there's going to be an antichrist there's going to be a a christ i guess i don't know i think and then they're gonna thunderdome and then

it's the end of the world or whatever and that's our mcgann and stuff tell us is there is is is mormonism an end times cult too oh most definitely there is there's actually a very famous prophecy in the mormon church called the white horse prophecy mormons believe that in the latter days, the end times, that it will be Mormons who will rescue the Constitution and lead America into the second coming. Yep.

We will, wait, we will rescue the, what is the, has it been stolen? At this point, is it in a well? Nicolas Cage has taken it. Do I need the help

of a seagull and a mouse? Do I need the help of a seagull and a mouse? The literal wording, and no one knows what it means, is that the Constitution will be, quote, hanging by a thread. Now, if you could explain what the fuck that means, other than maybe a document that's literally dangling. I can explain what it means. Have you read the news today? I was going to say, man, it couldn't mean Donald Trump's presidency. Send that Mormon.

You know what I was saying earlier? Don't send the Mormons. Send that Mormon tomorrow. I'll get baptized. Give me a donkey dunk. I'm ready to go. So you think, not you, but the Mormons think that the end times is going to revolve. It's all about them. It's one of those moments where it's all about us, right? Not too well. For Mormons, it's not just the end times is going to revolve. It's all about them. It's not, it's one of those moments

where it's all about us, right? Not too well for Mormons. It's not just the end times. Everything is all about them. But yes, you know, every Mormon who runs for office firmly believes in their heart of hearts that they're doing it to save America.

Because one of them, theoretically, is going to be the savior, the guy who rides in on a white horse becomes president of the united states this is all prophesied does he have to kiss the united states while it's sleeping like i don't know this president's gonna grope us while we sleep because i gotta tell you like that's gonna get him a me too these days you don't get to find out where on the country he kisses it until you go to the temple show me on the country where the mormon kissed you yes exactly but yeah so like all i'm convinced that half the reason that orin hatch stayed in the senate for the thousand and a half

years that he did was just because he kept waiting for his time to become president and save the country and bring about Jesus. Wow. Can you imagine Orrin Hatch as president? Well, we almost, we didn't almost have a Mormon president because Mitt Romney wasn't close to the president, but he did. He was the nominee. That's true.

So there was. Well, now he's a senator and I guarantee you in the back of his mind, he's going back in. Yeah. He's going to be the president you in the back of his mind, he's going back in. Yeah. He's going to be the president. In his mind. Yeah, in his mind. Almost led me there on my own. What is your feeling about?

Okay, so more often we're getting these stories from the religious right that are saying that Trump is the second coming, not the second coming, but he's certainly like this, this comment, I'm the chosen one. It didn't originate from here. This is from people on the right. Now this is a conspiracy nut who said this to him, but this isn't the first time we've, we've talked about this on our show. Many times we've talked about this. There's many right wing, um, religious evangelicals who call Trump the chosen one. What they don't understand is that, you know, he's got to pay someone $130,000 for them to choose him, but it's a different kind of choosing.

But this is a common theme out here. I'm curious in Utah and, you know, the people that you talk to or the people that you cover in the news or just at least read about in the news, do you, do you find that the Mormons have a different attitude about this sort of thing? Well, Mormons are there, you know, if you squint, you couldn't tell them apart from evangelicals, but there are some differences. And one of those is they, he is, Donald Trump is less popular with Mormons than he is with many white evangelical groups.

That being said, he's still pretty popular, but some of the stuff he does, the swearing, the womanizing, the shit talk, the immigrant, Mormons have a very favorable view towards immigrants. So these things grind on Mormons. And unfortunately, though, with Trump, over time, he's getting more and more popular with these religious groups, including Mormons. They're getting ground down just like any other evangelical. And he's just gaining popularity with these people. Well, here's the thing. I think the one, the one thing that, that gives Mormonism an advantage in at least beaten, seeing that the emperor has fewer clothes than he's claiming to have is that, is that they, they don't trust people. You know, they're not watching, you know, Jim Baker on TV.

They're not watching any of these things. And their own people, you know, their own leadership are not saying this guy is definitely going to be our savior or whatever. And since he's not Mormon, they have no reason to hope that he's the savior. no reason to hope that he's the savior. So they can actually see, you know, like when it's clear that he has grabbed someone by the pussy, they hear that. That does get in. All that being said, Utah and all six of its electoral votes, you know, the prize that we are, are going to, are going to go to Trump.

I promise. That's true. Whoever is the Republican, this is the reddest of the's true. Whoever is the Republican, the reddest of the red states, whoever is the Republican, gets those votes. That's that. That's kind of amazing that somebody could stand there and say, I'm the chosen one, knowing that 65 million

people didn't choose you. You know what? It's like Ralph Wiggum gave him a bad Valentine's. I choose you. Exactly. And there's a picture of a train. What's even more bonkers about this is the other story in the news this week is about Trump trying to ingratiate himself to the Jews.

Yeah. Well, he did such a good job. He calls himself the chosen one in reference to the China trade war. Yeah. I missed opportunity, dude. Well, I mean, he did he did i mean i don't know about ingratiating himself to the jews he called all of them that vote for democrats disloyal i said he was trying and then and then he declared and then he retweets that he's he's basically the king of israel i don't know. It gets said that the Jews think he's the second coming of God.

Yeah. Who hasn't come yet. What's astonishing is none of this matters. Like, isn't it kind of amazing? Like, none of this matters. Like, your neighbors are still trying to make America great again with this guy. I know. Yeah.

Like, there's a guy, I'm sure you run into this more than I do, because there's not a whole lot of, like, conservative people in my life. There's only, like, this one guy I work with that I argue with from time to time. But you guys have to be surrounded, like you said, you're in a red state. You're in a sea of this madness.

What does that look like? We do live in the big blue dot in the red state. But there are plenty of opportunities to see guys rolling coal with their trucks and their big flags on the back that may or may not be Confederate flags, which is like, you're in Utah. What the fuck are you doing? This is not the South or whatever. Is rolling coal, is that when you modify your truck to pollute more?

That's right. Yeah, that's what that is. We've definitely seen that here. We did that with the rainforest, with the Amazon rainforest. We modified it to pollute more. We did that recently. But I'll tell you what, like during the Bush years, I had, you know, war is not the answer sticker on my car and, you know, all that fun stuff.

If I put an anti-Trump sticker on my car here where I live, my windows get broken. I don't have a shadow of a doubt about it. Now that said, in defense of my beloved city, because I actually love Salt Lake City so much, we also have one of the biggest gay pride parades, gay pride celebrations in the country.

Like, we really are genuinely an awesome little blue dot in the sea of bullshit red that is Utah. Well, I fucking hate it here get me out of here do you ever feel do you ever feel stupid about that bumper sticker now since war was so clearly the answer i lay awake and i'm wishing that george bush was president i'm just saying like is it the egg on your fucking face i mean you make a good point.

That's one of those things where I look at people who are totally on board with Trump being the chosen one. And I'm like, in eight years, how are you going to feel about that? Because he is very clearly not going to save anything. He's already destroying things left and right. Nothing's going to change in the way that they like it to. But there's still plenty of people that supported

the Iraq war and they still support the Iraq war. I still think that's a good idea. You look around and you're like, have you read about it once ever? We lost by any reasonable measure we lost like we didn't win anything we got it's just a zero yeah wins on that one for no reason right yeah yeah like a lot of dead people and then like what did we get out of that again like

we got the term shock and awe that's what we got yes yeah thank you very much I think that's something like blows my mind it's like do you not understand that we lost that war like we didn't and we lost badly we overthrew the government and then we lost for many many years and we will continue to lose that war for another 10 or 15 years we're still losing that war

right now but people don't understand like they're like well but we tumbled the government. It's like, okay. Yeah, we got Saddam. I don't know what you guys are talking about. Yeah, he swung.

I feel so stupid. But isn't this the natural consequence of winning so much you're tired of? I'm so tired of winning. Now we're losing so much that we get tired of that.

Yeah, now you got to get tired of it and then it's like trying to masturbate for the seventh time in a day yeah i'm just so tired of it speaking of masturbating seven times in a day how's your podcast going guys that is a good segue i will i will give that. The show's going awesome, you guys. We're really happy about it. It's a fun little romp we do every week. We just hit our 100th episode and our first patron. It's so nice for your mom to give you that.

Thank your mom. Samuel O'Hara and David Giff basket. It's very sweet of her. It's actually your mom. David gift basket. It's very sweet of her. It's actually your mom. They would have to be because the Mormons,

don't they baptize people after they die? That's how you did it. Okay. That's fair. So tell our audience about your podcast if they haven't heard of it. Well, it's a, we're basically, basically we every week we pick a few topics we do a sort of semi quasi mildly deep dive into uh either a cult or an old god it's sort of religious ideas uh and we just lay them bare and make fun of them and have a good time with it. The show started as kind of an ease into heresy for those people who have left religion or for the people who are considering leaving religion. It's just a way of looking at religion without any reverence and with a lot of goofing on what's going on.

And we're trying to have fun. There's a lot of shit going on in the world and there's a lot of goofing on what's going on. And we're trying to have fun. There's a lot of shit going on in the world and there's a lot of anger. And we're trying to inject a little bit of levity and a little bit of guidance into people's lives that are trying to find their way in the darkness. So that's kind of what we're up to. So who is the target audience?

Because you guys have something you're trying to accomplish with the show, right? You're trying to teach people how to heretic, right? That's right. So we've brought on people to help, trying to help people who've left religion recently to figure out how to heretic, right? That's right. So we've brought on people to help, trying to help people who've left religion recently to figure out how to be sexual, to how to read books that aren't prescribed

by their religious leaders, how to drink, how to swear. But we found over time that our audience contains some of those people, but also many people who've been, you know, fellow travelers with us for years and years. Yeah, it's one of those things. It's amazing. Basically, everybody that, you know fellow travelers with us for years and years yeah it's one of those things it's amazing

basically everybody that you know that i've people from who have just barely left religion find it like a breath of fresh air people who have been out of religion for decades or who are never religious still find it a lot of fun because we're all kind of fascinated by all, you know, all the really, really stupid bullshit that humans have believed since the time, since time immemorial. So we have a lot of fun. We, you know,

we do, we take, I, it's funny because when the show first started, I would go into the Bible and I would find, you know, the most obscure stories and be like, Oh,

I'm going to show all the weirdo stories in the Bible. And I have since learned that all I have to do is find a Bible story. Just like the most, the one that they teach the most in Sunday school. And if you just actually read it and expose what's in it, holy shit, it's not okay. And our research has led us to one inevitable conclusion hot take you guys the bible is mostly about ointments this is not something i knew it's just a skincare manual the whole thing it's like really it's a hobo oil the whole time it's what it is is it's a multi-level

marketing to sell you an oil like some essential oil of essential oil for you. It's all the non-essential oils. Non-essential oils. You get to the last page and it's just like, be a Sensi rep? What the fuck? Exactly. The last page is, so what can I sign you up for?

But call now. Yeah, it's amazing. It's essential oils and it's bird fears. Yeah, a lot of ornithophobia in the Bible. Bird fears? Oh my God. When Doug did a deep dive into Leviticus and the rules of Leviticus,

when we started talking about whether or not you can eat a greater or a lesser owl, we lost our minds. Wait, can I eat an owl? No, you can't eat an owl. Nope. You can't eat a greater owl, a regular owl, or a lesser owl, just in case you were wondering right wait a minute this feels like a dr seuss skit this is like helping my 12 year old write a paper and fill the whole page

listen you can't say you can't eat an owl that doesn't take up any space the following types of owls are unavailable for consumption. Learn to fill the page, son. That's right. And it's like somebody looked around the room and was like, does anybody know anything about owls? No? Okay, great. There's like big ones.

Are there medium ones? There's little ones. I know there's little ones. There's like tiny little ones. Yeah, absolutely. That one's a grande avente. That's a Trenta. Gentlemen, if people were going to find your podcast,

where would they look? Well, go to your library and go to the reference section. No, I'm just kidding. We're on all of the places where podcasts are under the HowToHeretic. You can go to HowToHeretic.com and we're there. You can find us on Twitter. If you really missed

Mark's voice, you can go and see what he's tweeting over on the Twitter. That's at HowTo HowToHeretic. I don't know. I don't do that Twitter stuff. You guys, we're getting good at this, aren't we? Yeah, we're really awesome. You're 100 episodes in. We'll cut you some slack.

We're pros right now. Gentlemen, thank you so much for joining us this week. It was a lot of fun to talk to you. Thanks for having us. We really appreciate it. Really appreciate you. So we want to thank our patrons, especially our most recent patrons, Cody, David, TJ, and Timothy.

Thanks so much for your generous donations. We really do appreciate it. We haven't recorded it yet, but when this releases to the wide audience, we will have recorded our live stream this Sunday. Probably patrons will get this as a reminder that we are Sunday at five. We are recording a live stream.

If you missed it, if this is coming out Monday and you missed this, you can always go check it out on YouTube or on Twitch or on Facebook where it's posted and it'll remain. But if you want to catch us live, you're a patron, you want to catch us live, remember it's 5 o'clock Central Time on Sunday.

I wanted to mention too that we have been getting kind of hammered on iTunes. So if you are a fan of the show, if you're somebody who likes the show, who's been a fan for a while, and you've never rated us on iTunes, these ratings actually do help us. They help the show.

So we would appreciate if you take time out of your day, just a few minutes, just to go give us a rating on iTunes. It really does genuinely help the show the higher our rating is and the more ratings that we get. So we would really love it if you would just take like a few minutes

out of your day to just give us a quick rating. And not just on iTunes, on any other media. Any platform. Any platform that you can rate us on, we would really genuinely appreciate a rating. iTunes is the one that most people use and that will push us up into higher lists. So the more people that rate us,

the better off it is for us. So the more people that rate us, the better off it is for us. So again, we'd really appreciate it if you could take time and give us a quick rating on iTunes. We got a message from Alistair, and Alistair sent along a video. There's a guy by the name of Roy Zimmerman, who's a musician, and he sings a song about unions. So we're going to put it on this week's show notes. This is episode 484. Thank you, Alistair, for sending that in. Got a message from Elvis and he sent us some audio. So here it is.

Oom-ah, loom-ah, Stevie Lee King. Science does not prove global warming. We've got same-sex marriage, therefore. You could get married to your lawnmower What if we went through all family trees Pulling out incest and rapist babies? How is that language offensive to you? Could it just be I'm a white supremacist? One is a valedictorian, it's true The other hundred, they are drug mules Caps the size of cantaloupes, too

Like illegal immigrant children all do So good! Elvis, you're the best. Thank you so much, Elvis. That was amazing. So good. So good. So, we got a bunch of messages about apples, of course.

We got plenty of messages about apples. This is so funny. But we got one about the red delicious apple. And this is from Mary. Mary says, the red delicious apple issue is all because the actually delicious apples are not nearly as resistant to diseases and pests. The red delicious apple is gross

and the pathogens and insects also agree. We're just like, all the microbes are like, fuck that shit. I'm going to go on a gala. Bring a pink lady up in this pig. That's fucking hilarious. Super funny. Got a message from Andrew and he said that

he recently gave part of his paid time off. He gave 24 hours to a coworker and he makes more and that person got 30 hours. So we were talking about this during one of the shows that we had recorded and we didn't know if there would be some sort of weird trade deal that would have to happen, like a China-like trade deal. But aren't they supposed to pay her 70 cents on the dollar? Yeah, right? You should go back to them, Andrew, and say, look, we're not equal pay here.

Right. Let's do this. We got a long message from Mary. And Mary tells a story about how much she worked as a food service manager at like a fast food type restaurant. And she said she lost 20 pounds while she was there. She's working 55 hours a week. She was constantly running around, just absolutely nuts, just running herself ragged. And then once she graduated with like a PhD and

she went on to go do work, she said that like she was almost laughing at how little she had to do to make so much more money. And that's really the, you know, what happens in America is that, you know, like the regular grunts of America, the people who do the worst work, they get shit on the most. Hard work using your body doesn't pay. It doesn't. It really genuinely doesn't. And those people are the ones who get, they're the ones who get screwed.

Recently, there's a daily podcast that's talking about the bunch of CEOs got together and signed an agreement. And this agreement was about how they're planning on not putting the shareholder first, that the shareholder instead is going to be one of many things that they're aiming for. Employees are going to start being a thing that they're aiming for and other such things. And when I listened to that podcast, the first thing I thought was like, I was like, yeah, I was like, yeah, no,

this is never going to change for us. All this is is just good PR for them. This isn't anything but PR for those companies. They don't care. You don't believe it. I don't believe it at all. I heard the same thing and I was like, you're really going to sell to me the idea that the shareholder

will be just one of a host of other stakeholders? Yeah, like the environment is a stakeholder, the customer, the vendors. Get the fuck out of here. If it affects your bottom line, you can't sell stocks, and people aren't making profits. And then the problem is like Chase Bank was one, right? Jamie Dimon, Chase Bank, Pledge, blah, blah, blah. Okay, great. But if

Chase does that and it affects their bottom line and they're not as competitive against Bank of America and against Wells Fargo, and now Chase loses value as a bank, that guy's going to get fucking fired. Yeah. And they're going to because they're going to look around and be like,

we're losing against our competitors who are doing the things that get us more short-term gains. I think it's a good idea. I think it's a better idea long-term. I think it's a more viable idea. I think it's a more economically successful long-term plan. The problem is that we don't think that way. We've been conditioned

generationally, conditioned not to think that way. So we're not going to change that. Yeah. I don't think you can change it. Certainly can't change it with just a letter. I don't believe it. I don't think you can change it with just the thing that you're writing. I don't think you can change it. But, you know, there's another part of me that thought to myself is like, you know, maybe they see that the writing's on the wall. Maybe they see that there's a lot of people that are disenfranchised, that are just not in the same, and they see that, you know, maybe we have to start doing something differently because there's going to be some serious unrest in this country if the, you know, the 0.01% keep getting trillions

of dollars and all the rest of us have to fight over the scraps. Yeah, man, maybe I would love to see that be the case. I really would love to see that be the case. Got a message, a bunch of messages. People are asking us to watch The Family. So we will probably do that as an extra show. We probably won't do it as a show that is on our feed, but we'll probably do it as an extra show. Hopefully soon, Tom and I'll consume that media and come back and talk about it. So you guys should start watching The Family too.

It's on Netflix. Tom and I'll do it. And we will promise within the next month, Tom, does that sound good? Within the next month, we will review The Family 2. It's on Netflix. Tom and I will do it and we will promise within the next month, Tom, does that sound good? Yeah, I can do it. Within the next month, we will review The Family. Got a message

and this is a video, a Simpsons video that we're going to post on this week's show notes and it's a song, Donald Trump singing a song with the squad. The squad?

And it's pretty funny. The end of it is the most funny part is when they bring out the chorus kicking line of all the Democratic candidates. And it's just like going forever. That's actually really funny. So we're going to put it on this week's show notes

from Natalie. Natalie, thanks for sending it in. We're going to post it, like we said, on this week's show notes. It's 484. Also on this week's show notes, you can find a link to the How To Heretic podcast. We want to thank the guys for coming on, Dan and Doug. Good guys, funny guys. And we had a blast

with them. We hope they'll be on again soon. Super fun. Check their podcast out. They're super funny dudes and they're doing good work. So check it out. You can find it on this week's show notes. So that's going to wrap it up for this week. We are going to leave you like we always do with the skeptics creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo quasi alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead pan, sales pitch, late night info docutainment. Thank you. churches, mosques, and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense.

Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody. Evidential. Conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and information provided on this podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. All opinions are solely that of Glory Hole Studios, LLC. Cognitive dissonance makes no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information

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