Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 486: Shaetzle

Episode Date: September 9, 2019

  This week in trump:  

Today's show is brought to you by AdamandEve.com. Go to AdamandEve.com right now and you'll get 50% off just about any item. All you have to do is enter the code word GLORY, G-L-O-R-Y, at checkout. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording live from Glurk Hole Studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad.

It's skeptical, it's political. And there is no welcome mat. This is episode 486, Cecil. Yeah. Do you know that there is a relatively limited number of seats still available for our live show? Oh my gosh, they're still available? There are. I'm as shocked as you are now.

Unreal. Let's be clear, there are no tickets left for Platinum Night. No, no, Platinum Night. But general admission tickets for our live citation needed in New York are still available. How many shows

are we doing again? I keep forgetting. Two shows. Two shows. Two. What? Two podcasts each show and they're going to be different.

So a total of four podcast episodes will be recorded that night and there will be two at the first show and two at the second show. I mean, four different episodes. You can't afford not to go. Four different episodes. Four different episodes. And we know what a couple of those

are right now. And so it'll be a fun night. We're going to have a good time. They're going to be New York-centric topics. They are. Look, if you like Citation Needed, and you do because it's a good show, you should buy tickets to this thing. And if you live really good show, you should buy tickets to this thing. And if you live really far away,

you should buy airplane tickets. Exactly. Because you do. Or just start driving now. You will need something. I don't know how you're getting there. You will need something. You can hitchhike.

That's how people got the Woodstock. And this will be like Woodstock. It'll be a cultural event like Woodstock. I just did. But for podcasts. That's a little, that's somewhat overblown. What was one where the Hells Angels

stabbed everybody? It was more like that. Altamont. I'm just saying I'm going to stab at least one person. It's not in Chicago. I said stab, not shoot. Not shoot.

Okay, yeah. Not in London. It's not in Walmart. So Tom, I want to start the show tonight with a little curveball. Something that you didn't find, but it's something I know you're going to love.

I don't know if you saw this. This is something that I saw today and I knew you saw it too. Oh my God. This is so great. Yeah. This is so great. This is the witch of the White House or whatever. The white witch.

Williamson. Oh gosh. Now, this is great because she does clarify. She sends a tweet out. the white witch Williamson oh gosh she now this is great because she does she does clarify she sends a tweet out and it's basically

like the holistic version of the hillbillies we were laughing at in the last episode here it is so here's what she says the Bahamas Florida

Georgia and the Carolinas interestingly not Alabama Alabama's not in there we'll talk about that later may all be in our prayers now. Millions of us seeing Dorian turn away from land is not a wacky idea.

Wacky idea? It's a creative use of the power of the mind. I feel like I need one of those horns. It's not a wacky idea. Honk, honk, honk. I love it. She's like, this isn't crazy. Oh, this isn't nuts.

Incidentally, this is crazy. Two minutes of prayer, visualization, meditation for those in the way of the storm. So the end of it sounds like a thoughts, prayers, and meditation. Yeah. Which is 33% more fucking useless to fix a problem than just thoughts and prayers. Yeah, right.

Yeah, there's another whole thing I have to do that's useless. Right? Right, yeah. Oh, I'm going to meditate about it. Okay, well, when you're done paying attention to your breathing, maybe you can pack some shit in the station wagon so we can evacuate! This lady, though,

constantly, like, throughout there, if you dig through her old Twitter history, there's a lot of this stuff out there where she talks about, like, all we need to do is have the power of the mind. And when she was on stage, she's like, the power of love compels you! The power of love compels you! Or whatever the fuck she said when she was waving the, she's like, the power of love compels you. The power of love compels you. Or whatever the fuck she said when she was waving the fucking cross at the camera at fucking Trump.

Like, you know, she's, I can't believe that she somehow got on that stage. Like, the way she got on that stage, those must have been like supermarket signatures, right? Those must have been like people who just said, I don't care. Yeah, sure, sign my name too. Because if she talked to somebody for 30 seconds, I would be like, you shouldn't even be out,

let alone running for president. This is like the rent is too damn high guy. Yeah. Like, you're just, you're looking around like, how are you here? Yeah. Oh, I want to go.

Yeah. Like, next time there's an election, I want to do whatever it takes. Can you imagine how fucking amazing it would be to look around on that stage and be like, there's no way I win, but I am standing here. I'll tell you what we need to do.

Here's what we need to do. You and I need to get those hats like that guy from Idaho. Yeah. And we'll be on either side of the stage and we can argue about whose basement apartment is worse. That was the best part. That was,

you guys, there was this, there was this debate. It was like a debate. Yeah, I guess. It was Idaho. Yeah. And it was for maybe governor

or senator, who knows. And I, king of Idaho. Idaho barely has a functioning government, right? Potato wrangler, whatever it is that they do.

So head Pringle or whatever. Captain Pringle comes. There's this guy. Once he pops, he can't stop. He's just shooting everywhere. Just everywhere. That would have, that would actually.

If you want to jizz everywhere, you can go to adamandeve.com. Type in Gloria Checkout, get 50% off almost any item, a bunch of free stuff, and free shipping. Anyway, Tom, you were saying? So we got to find this video

and put it on our site, but like the contestants, because it's a goddamn game show. Yeah, no, it's a game show. You're not a runner. The one guy starts relaying a story about, and he's like wearing like fingerless gloves

and dressed up as like a gay biker from like Blue Oyster Cult or something. You remember this? And he's wearing, like it's, when was the last time you saw fingerless gloves anywhere? Unironically. Like unironic fingerless gloves. Like where you're just like, yeah, no fingerless gloves.

You're like, what is this? What are you fucking in a fucking Oliver Twist? What is happening? And he's, he's relaying this story about like living in his friend's basement. It's amazing. He's drunk and he's high and he's just like, he has a contested for the fucking price is wrong. I'm going to see if I can find this video before this, this post. And I will post the link on this week's show notes. Take a minute and watch. I don't know how long it is. I don't know how long the video is.

We might have found a super cut of it. I don't think we watched the whole thing. No. But it is amazing. And the other guy was just this like

900-year-old man with a Bible. He kept reading. Oh my God. He'd get asked a question and just be like, Ephesians, Carthaginians,

and Pringles, chapter one, the ruffles haveth ridges, saith the Lord, or whatever. Fucking nonsense. And there's like one normal dude. Just look,

he's rubbing his hands together the entire time. He's just like, all I have to do is not pee myself. I win if I control my bladder. And his brain is like, don't say fuck, don't say fuck,

don't say fuck. Fuck! Damn it! Damn it! Oh, Mary Williamson is fucking amazing, though. I'm glad. She's not in the next debate. She's not on the stage for the next debate.

At least that's what I saw for the next debate, which is next week. By the way, if you're around on Sunday, this is going to be releasing afterwards, so you can watch the video that happened already but our plan is to rate all the 10 people that are running on that live stream that we're doing this Sunday so if you're a patron you can catch it because this will release before the live stream on Sunday

but you can also go back and watch that video because we hopefully will have rated every single one of these every 10 of these in the rating system and talked about each one. I'm Hickenlooper and Inslee are my number one and two. Yeah. Oh yeah. Because they're not running anymore. All three of them. All three of them. There was never going to be a President Hickenlooper.

No, there was never going to be a President Williamson either. And it's funny because what they did was the right saw her and they laughed at her and they thought she was hilarious. But newsflash, so did the left. Oh, yeah. Everybody thought she was a joke. Yeah. You know, I saw a couple of articles after she went that was like, no, she's right about how you beat Trump. And I'm just like, she's not right about anything. She's not right about a single thing. At some point, I can't hear you anymore. Like, if you say like six fucking stupid things and the seventh thing you said is brilliant, I've checked the fuck out. I'm done.

I'm done. I'd like to buy your deadliest gun, please. Aisle six, next to the sympathy cards. Whoa, careful there, Annie Oakley. I don't have to be careful. I got a gun. Sorry, the law requires a five-day waiting period. We've got to run a background

check. Five days? But I'm mad now. I'd kill you if I had my gun. Yeah, well, you don't. This story comes from Fox. Interesting. That's intentional. From FoxNews.com, Texas gunmen had been ruled mentally unfit

to buy firearms. Use loophole on background check. Now, I actually hate the headline, right? Because it suggests that this is a loophole. There's no loophole here. This is an intentional thing that we do. A loophole is unintentional. Isn't that a felony?

Isn't it a felony to do this or no? No. This is a, so here's what happened. In most states, you are required, if you purchase a gun from a retail location, you're required to undergo a background check. We've done that a couple of times. We've gone through that.

There is in most states, I think in, in, I don't believe there's any states, but I could be wrong. In most states, there is no similar requirement for a private sale. Oh, you're right. You're right. Yeah. Private sale. Cause I've sold, I sold you a gun.

Yeah. Without anything. You just, I just, you gave me the money and I gave you the gun. And you handed a gun to You're right. Yeah. Private sale. Because I sold you a gun. Yeah. Without anything. You gave me the money and I gave you the gun. And you handed a gun to me and I put it in my car. And then you murdered a whole family. And then you filed the serial numbers off and threw it in a lake. That's why I bought it from you.

Actually, what I did, I filed a serial number and then I wrote your name on it. I engraved your name. And your social security number. I engraved your name. But I hate the Wilson. Threw it in there. It's like that cop And you put, I hate the Wilson. Threw it in there. It's like that cop who had like, I'm going to shoot somebody on his gun. Do you remember that shit?

Yeah, I do remember that. And then he shot somebody. That's weird. Self-fulfilling prophecy. So weird. Like the guy who loves violence. But yeah, you know,

the word loophole is a mistake by Fox, right? Because loophole implies like, oh man, I didn't see that coming. The law was built to encompass everything, but somebody saw that like wiggle worm way through it. We've been talking about this for 30, 40 years, like seriously, so long. It is an intentional, structural piece of the system that I can purchase a gun from any private seller. That means I can go to a gun show. I can go to some dude on Craigslist. I can go to some dude at fucking Ilikeguns.com. I can go to

your house. I can buy a gun from anybody. And all you have to do is hand them cash and they hand you the gun. Yep. Which means that the whole fucking background check system that we have is just a fucking masturbatory jerk off show. Yeah. It's meaningless. And we shouldn't even have it. Yeah. Because it lends people a false sense of security that only applies to the percentage of guns that are purchased directly brand new from a retail location.

I have five guns. I bought two from a retail location. I'm going to take that back though, because in Illinois, so I was buying a gun from a guy in Ohio. Yeah. I'm going to take that back though, because in Illinois, I look, so I was buying a gun from a guy in Ohio and in Illinois, you're not allowed to buy across state lines without a, a firearms dealer. Right. Right. And so I, the guy who was selling me the gun was like, just pay me $450 and I'll just give you the gun. And I was like, I don't break the law. I'm not going to break the law. I don't do that sort of thing. And I was like, so I'm willing to pay all the fees that go into this. I said, I would pay your fees

and I'll pay my fees. And then I will collect the gun. And how it works is he has to go to an authorized firearms dealer in his state. He then sends me the gun to an authorized firearms dealer in our state. And then I have to go through the background check process to pick that gun up. And then I pay them the fee that they have to charge me because there's a fee for them to do this background check. And it's basically, yeah, it's like a brokerage thing. And I did that. That's how I got a gun, right? You couldn't do that. We could just have it. So that's the law now, right? Where it's like, you're not allowed to do this anymore. You're not allowed to sell guns outside of the thing. And there is a national database. And if we find out that your gun is gone from you,

you're just as culpable for those crimes as anyone else. If you want to sell your guns, then you sell them through this authorized dealership. And then they do the background checks. You don't do the background checks. You don't have to do it. There's going to be a cut that goes to those people. But hey, that's job creation, right? Yeah. And so that guy gets paid a little

and you guys decide your price and you guys hand your money off and then you sell it, whether it comes in from another state or it comes in from this state, it should go to an authorized firearms dealer who then has to run a background check. Yeah, is it more bureaucracy?

Too fucking bad. Too bad, man. It's a fucking deadly weapon. You can walk into a Walmart and shoot a hundred people's faces off in 30 seconds. It should be fucking controlled. It should be something that we pay attention to who gets it. That's important.

Yep. Well, that guy in Dayton killed however many people he killed. I can't keep the numbers. No, at this point, yeah. I genuinely can't. At this point, it's like a bingo game. But the police were down the way. It was 30 seconds from the first shot to the time that guy was killed.

Yeah. 30 seconds. And he killed like nine people. Nine people, if I remember right. In 30 seconds. Yeah. Because these things are insane. Yeah.

Like the weapons that are commercially available. And you just buy that. You just buy like, like your story about like your buddy that you, like, it's because it crosses state lines. Right. We have rules on interstate commerce, which come into effect. Yeah. But like, I'm pretty sure your buddy could have just driven here.

He even told me, he said, just come here. Yeah. I'll give me the money and just take the gun. Like he was like, we don't have to do this whole big rigmarole. Like, and the thing is, is like, I'm a stable guy. He's a stable guy. Nobody's going to hurt anybody. And my buddy was just like, we don't need to do that. It's just a bunch of money going to some random dude. And I'm like, no, I don't want to break the law. I want to make sure that I'm not breaking the law, period. It's perfectly legal to

me. Like, I don't know if people know this and maybe you do, but like, it is perfectly legal to meet somebody in a parking lot. Yeah. And hand them a gun and they hand you cash

and nobody knows. You can do that right now in Chicago. That's a legal thing. Yeah. That's fucking crazy. I can't do that with my car. Yeah. If I sell you a car,

I got to bring the title to that fucking car and I got to sign off on it and you got to take it to a place and you got to register it because who owns that car is a known quantity. Yeah. We have 300 million guns in this country floating around. I don't have any idea where most of them are. Nobody knows.

You don't know. Nobody knows. I don't even know where to look on my gun for a serial number. Yeah. I wonder, and I'm curious about this. This is a question I have. Do you think that if there's some way that the Democrats start taking over power,

and I'm not hopeful for gun control, right? I'm not hopeful for gun control. It's not going to happen. But I wonder if the way you do it is instead just start taxing the shit out of everything that goes into guns. So you want to sell a gun? Great, it's $10,000.

It's $10,000 to sell your gun. You got it. You want to sell it to somebody else? Yeah. You got to go through an authorized dealership and you got to pay a $10,000 worth. The government's going to get that money. It's taxed. It's taxed on that sale.

You want to buy a new gun? Sure. It's 10 grand. You want to buy a box of ammunition? Sure. It's $500. You want to, you know what I mean? And it's like, it's like the other people can pay what they want, right?

You're going to, you're going to get a, to get the Benelli dealership's going to go out because they're not going to be able to sell any guns except for the fucking ultra rich people. But you're not, I'll tell you what, you're going to be starting to cut down the amount of guns in this country. We deal with fucking cigarettes, right? We fucking, we basically made that the type of thing

that no one wants to do now. And they don't want to do it because it costs so goddamn much money. There were so many people I know that once cigarettes started going up to 20, I was buying them when they were $13 a carton, right? Back in the day. And then they started going up to 15, 16, 17, $20. I remember when I was at, it was about $20 when I quit. And I was like, I'm out of this. They started going up immensely. I don't know what they are now. I have no idea.

But they are fucking, they are outrageously expensive because you're paying $10 a pack. It's got to be almost $100 a carton in Chicago if you want to get a pack, a carton of cigarettes. Right. It's an immense amount of money. We have outpriced those things to a level that's really,

I mean, people don't just casually smoke anymore. Like you got to be in it to win it now, right? It's a commitment. You don't just casually do it. Same thing can happen with these. You don't just casually own a gun anymore. You can't casually own a gun. I think, I think, I think that I'm right there with you. I don't think that the gun control is going to happen,

right? And there's a lot of reasons, but I do think I agree with you that ammunition taxes would make a huge impact. Ammunition taxes, ammunition's so cheap. It's scary how cheap ammunition is. Like nine millimeter ammunition, which is a very, very common. It's almost free. It's almost as much as you would pay for the brass you're going to. Right. It is unbelievable how inexpensive that shit is. And I also think the other thing you could do is just make a law that requires that you have to be insured. Yeah. Different guns.

If I got to go get life insurance, I recently got a new life insurance policy. I got to send to my doctors medical records. I got to jump through all these fucking hoops. And what they're doing when they get all my information is they're assessing a level of risk, right? So I think it would be a very reasonable thing to say, look, you can own a gun. Anybody that wants one can have one, but your gun has to be insured.

And every gun you own, like every car you own that you intend to drive has to be insured. And different guns will carry a different insurance premium based on- Yeah, sure. Got an AR-15, that's a big premium. Right.

And like, I have an AR-15 and I have, you know, these factors that actuarial science deems as like likely to create a problem, then my premium

is higher than somebody else's premium might be, right? Insurance is actually the mechanism we could use to create pricing restrictions. And then,

if you don't have insurance on your gun, then, you know, it's a criminal offense. Yeah. We could do things, like real things that would matter

that would still allow people to collect. Yeah. It would still allow people to hunt. It would still allow people to own a gun and feel safe in their home,

although I think it's a false security. It would still allow all those things. We still get to have all of our cake and eat it too. It's just that

nothing's free of charge. I guarantee if they started to do that with all this stuff, I would probably either go gunless in my house or maybe have a single gun in my house then. If they're like, yeah, you got to insure it. I'd be like, I don't want to insure all these things. Like, I don't want to do that. Especially because like, I'm probably on the actuarial tables for being somebody who's like, likely to do something with these guns. So it's like, well, why the fuck? I'll just get rid of them. You know, I'll just get rid of them.

So yeah, it just, I think that there's ways that we could outprice it, right? You outprice it. Yeah. And then suddenly it starts going away. You just don't, there's nothing you can do again. Now, I may introduce an element of black market, right?

So that people go over to like Canada and then they come here with like tons of ammunition and they sell them outside. For sure. Things like that. It might introduce an element there. And there may also be something that I'm not, that I missed. Like, so someone might send a message and be like, yeah, but you forgot about X. And there's very possible. I just thought of this, you know, off the top of my head. So I don't know. But at the same time, I think there could be something that we could do to outprice them. Did you see what Terry, what Ted Cruz said this week? Did you see this? Ted Cruz sends a message

to the crazy. He basically says, yeah, well, the gun laws in Chicago. That's, you hear that all the time. The gun laws in Chicago,

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then Lori Lightfoot sends a message back on Twitter. It's like,

the people, 60% of the guns come from Indiana and keep our name out of your mouth. That's what she said. Keep our fucking name out of your mouth. That's what she said. Keep our fucking name out of your mouth.

I love it. She would beat the shit out of me. She would slap that fucking guy silly. I hate that argument. I see it all the time on the internet. I'll see it constantly. Oh, guys, if Chicago has all these bad gun laws and there's all these deaths, what about it?

You're just like, one, Chicago doesn't have any more gun laws, right? So there's no, the only thing you can't do in Chicago is like buy a gun. Like you can't go and buy a gun at a dealership. There's no like Chicago-based gun stores. We just don't allow it, right? But you could,

if you live in America, you have a car, you can even use public transportation. You can go somewhere else and go somewhere and get a gun nearby there's plenty of places right outside of Chicago

to go get a gun immediately outside the city limits are like it's like the fucking Indiana fucking fireworks exactly exactly

and they're right there ready to sell you a gun that's number one two we don't have those laws right so they're saying like oh well if they had more

because their concept is well if you guys had more guns you know like, like people could stop it. There's concealed carry in Chicago. I can carry a fucking pistol on the CTA here in Chicago. There's concealed carry. There's plenty of people in this city right now walking around with a concealed weapon legally. There absolutely are. And there was 15 of them in the class that we took. And there was, you know, probably 15 every couple of weeks, more than that. And just that location. And when that we took. And there was probably 15 every couple of weeks, more than that, and just that location. And when I looked it up,

there was at least 50 locations that were teaching that class. So there's hundreds and hundreds, yeah, thousands, tens of thousands of those permits are in Chicago right now. So that's just a fucking lie. And it's one of those old fucking things that they just like to throw out there because they think it means something. They're like, oh, but look at this statistical

thing. And you're just like, yeah, but none of your points make any sense anymore. We're allowed to have all the guns we want and fucking most of the guns aren't even from here anyway. When also like they use Chicago because Chicago has a reputation because of the high incidence of shootings within the city limits, right? But what people who aren't from this area don't really understand is those are really isolated to a handful of very specific and small geographies. Yeah. Right? That's the west side and the south side of Chicago in certain neighborhoods. And only in certain neighborhoods.

I'll tell you what. Guns are not, like, Chicago in certain neighborhoods. And only in certain neighborhoods. I'll tell you what, guns are not like uncommon in those neighborhoods. A lack of guns is not the reason those neighborhoods are unsafe. There's plenty of people packing. Right. So the converse argument which is like, well, if only everybody had a gun. Everybody already has a gun on the west side.

Everybody already has a gun on the south side. That's already a thing. That's part of why they're all shooting each other. They're using the guns they have. Like, what are you talking about? It's, it's, it, but the problem is that, like, it sets

up a narrative where there is a world of good guys and bad guys, right? And sometimes in their world, oil and vinegar style or oil and water style, like the good guys who never really intersect with the bad guys. Oh, all of a sudden there's the bad guy. And then they're, you know, drawn in the street. No, that's not how anything works ever. Yeah. And if you have a viewpoint in the world where you use the word good guy or bad guy,

you're an asshole. Yeah. You don't know how the world works. That is a stupid way to think. It's a dumb way to look at the world. I got to say too, like there's been plenty of opportunities and plenty of gun crime that has happened around other people with guns. Yeah. There was a guy who was a trained like security guard or a police officer or whatever, who wouldn't go into that one place. Do you remember this? They got fired for it. He wouldn't go into the active shooter situation. He was like, fuck that. Yeah.

There's all the times there's good guys. There's good guys with guns at a lot of these mass shootings. And like, the thing is like, I didn't get trained. We both got the concealed carry thing. They didn't train me to not be scared of shit. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like if somebody shoots a gun at me, my body's going to be like, run.

You know, like it's not going to be like, we should stand and fight, partner. You ever had a gun pulled on you? I had a gun waved at me. Okay. So, yeah, I was at my buddy's, near my buddy's mom's house, fixing my car. And the drunk-ass neighbor came over

with this great big-ass fucking hand cannon. And he's waving it and asking us who we are. And the gun is wavering. It wasn't pointing at me specifically. It was waving back and forth amongst myself, my buddy, and this guy who was fixing my car. My window broke.

So, and he was, yo, these kids are driving down the street too fast. And he's waving this fucking hand cannon at us. And he tucks it in his fucking waistband. All the like, Jesus. Like his actual waistband. It's like a fucking 357 style,

like giant revolver. And the dude is drunk as fuck, but he was like protecting his cul-de-sac or whatever. How crazy. Yeah, when I was a kid, I was walking down the street with two friends and these teenagers jump out of the car and they scream,

get on the ground. And one of them had a gun in his hand and he pointed it at me and then he pointed at my friend. He's like, get the fuck on the ground. And my buddy dropped on the ground and I just ran. I just fucking ran as fast as I could. I just didn't even, I didn't even look back. I just ran as fast as I could. And I, to this day, I don't know. Cause that scared him off. When I ran, he was like, oh shit. And he like got back in the car and like drove away. And so, because I ran immediately to a pay phone.

This was back when we had pay phones back in the day. And I ran to a pay phone and I called the police immediately. Knowing how you grew up, the police probably arrested you for reporting. What was funny was, he and I were walking and the guy screamed, did that stuff and ran off. And I think that, I don't know if it was a real gun or not. I have no idea to this day, whether it stuff and ran off. And I think that I don't know if it was a real gun or not. I have no idea to this day, whether it was a real gun or not. It

was dark. I have no idea whether it was a real gun. It could have been a BB gun. It looked real to me, but he pulled the gun and he put it in my face and I will contend that it doesn't matter whether it was a real gun or not. I reacted as if it was a real gun. I did exactly what I, I just ran as fast as I could away from it. I was like, I'm never, I'm just like, I didn't even look back. I just ran like it was total fighter flight. And I was like, fight, flight all day and twice on Sunday. I was like, flight, flight, flight. And my buddy's on the ground. I'm just like, fuck my buddy. But he laid down, he got down right away. He, he put his hands behind his head and he laid down on the ground. I was like, fuck you. I don't like ran. I was like, I'll just, I'll take one in the back i hope and just and i'll live but i

just i was harder to shoot a moving target i ran as fast as i could i was like i was bold i was maybe about 12 or 13 at the time yeah you don't think when you're like when you're when you're fucking deeply scared yeah like you're done thinking yeah no like whatever your body did you're like huh i'd like to catch up to my body tomorrow. I'm going to ask it what we just did. Yeah. Like, you don't have

any control over that. And that's why when they talk about all this stuff, they're like, oh, you need this guy. And they're like, yeah,

in your Rambo fantasy, you're just like, yeah, and then he'd pull his gun out and I'd be like, is that all you got, son? And then I'd pull out my gun and lick it

and be like, and then, boom, and I'd shoot him and and I'd blow the smoke off and I'd tongue the hole and I'd put it back. But you know what I mean? Like that's this fucking dumbass fantasy they have. I was out shooting a few weeks ago

with a friend of ours. And so the gun I have is from the concealed carry, right? So it's eight shots or whatever. And I like that. It's a fun gun to shoot, right? And the gentleman I was shooting with, his gun, I don't know, holds a trillion shots or whatever. And I like that. It's a fun gun to shoot, right? And the gentleman I was shooting with, his gun, I don't know, holds a trillion bullets or something.

It's like smaller or bigger. I don't remember which. He's like, yeah, you know, like that little pocket pistol that you've got. He's like, it'd be fine, you know, something like one-on-one, but what if there's like a Walmart style thing? And I'm like, the Walmart thing is with your gun.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Like the way your gun thing. And I'm like, the Walmart thing is with your gun. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like the way your gun is the guy I'm afraid of that I'm like, I'm hiding like among the pool toys. Yeah. Like a pocket pistol.

It's a 40 caliber Glock. It's a big gun. It's a big gun. So like you have no idea. Like if I, if somebody's shooting, like I'm running away, I'm throwing like bouncy balls or whatever. I'm sticking away. I'm throwing, like, bouncy balls or whatever.

I'm not sticking around. I'm throwing a smoke bomb. Right? Like a fucking ninja. Like, poof. I'm throwing smaller people. Exactly. Right?

Has this ever happened to you? Oh, man. I think I broke my dick. Never again. It used to be that high-quality sex toys were too expensive to afford, resulting in terrible injuries. Oh, God. Seriously, there's a lot of blood.

But now, with AdamandEve.com, if you use the code GLORY at checkout, you can get 50% off almost any item. Still, with the high cost of shipping. Oh, my God. seriously, this is terrible. Look at all this blood. No worries, Cecil. By using Gloria Checkout, you also get free shipping. That's not all.

You get free gifts. So I broke my dick for nothing? Not for nothing, Cecil. For science. What does that even mean? I don't know, but the internet thinks it's funny. What am I going to do about my broken dick? Like anything else that's broke, just set it and forget it.

This story is from Newsweek. After Texas shooting, Fox and Friends guest blames gun violence on declining Christianity. No morality without religion. Yeah, this is a common theme that's been popping up on these shows. There's a couple of these videos. I can't play the video for you right now.

The video is busted on this page. But he has a lot of things to say here. Tom, do you want to read some of the things he has to say? Yeah, absolutely. So this is Tony Perkins. He's the president of the Family Research Council.

So he's actually been on the show unbeknownst to him a number of times. So here's what he has to say. He says, it's tragic. And at some point we have to realize we have a problem as a nation. So far, I agree. Right, yeah. Okay, so number one, we're good problem as a nation. So far, I agree. Right, yeah.

Okay, so number one, we're good. And the problem is not the absence of laws. It's an absence of morality. Eh. Huh. Which is really the result of a decades-long march through the institutions of America driving religion and God from the public square.

Okay. Hmm. So, one thing that you can look at to sort of decide whether or not it's more dangerous now would be violent crime we could look at that would be a numerical indicator and violent crime has been down

for what is it 70 in the late 70s it dropped it's been dropping ever since the late 70s and it precipitously declined in the 90s and it has continued to decline. Now, these things are still happening, right? These mass shootings are still happening. Mass shootings are a different kind of problem.

These aren't the types of crimes that rack up a ton of body count. They just rack up a ton of eyes. Mass shootings in comparison to all the other deaths. And even if you just look at gun deaths in general, the mass shootings don't take up a huge portion of that. In like relative percentage terms against overall gun deaths. And I do want to say mass shooting in the sense of like

one of these televised events that we have. Not a three or more, right? And not a South or West side of Chicago one either, because you could get six or seven people shot in a weekend here. Barely makes the news. Do you remember like, so, I don't know,

I remember, I don't remember, forgive me, I don't remember if we talked about it on the show, but like the same weekend that we had the two mass shootings in Texas.

Yeah. Or the mass shooting in Texas and the one in Dayton. That same weekend there was a mass shooting at a park in Chicago on the west side.

And like, I don't even remember how many people were shot. I think only one person died. Yeah. That might have been part of the thing. But it's like, yeah, well, those are gang members and they just shoot each other. And so we don't give a shit. We expect it. You know, and I want to

make a point of clarification. Like, it's not, you know, like, I want to recognize that, like, there have been mass shootings in black churches. There have been mass shootings of, like, Hispanics at Walmart and stuff. Yeah, yeah. And they do get a lot of press and they get a lot of attention. I think what differentiates that

from something like what we see on the South and West side of Chicago is there's a social concept that those people somehow have it coming, that they live in a criminal neighborhood. They deserve it. And so they are also criminals.

It's like, well, it's sort of like the jail mentality. You wouldn't be here if you hadn't done something wrong. You're in the wrong place at the wrong time. Yeah. And we treat poverty that way. Yeah. You wouldn't be in a poor, shitty, run-down, violent neighborhood if you were not the kind of person that belongs in a poor, shitty, violent, rundown neighborhood. And so your life has less value. We don't value life in the same way. Life is cheaper.

Like literally cheaper in those areas. And so we don't cover it. Because when we don't cover it, I think the news implicitly realizes like, well, no one's going to give a shit. It's not clickbait that anyone cares about. No one's going to like watch that on the's not clickbait that anyone cares about. No one's going to like watch that on the news

because we don't feel sorry for those people because you don't see them as people the same way. They're like, I think the sad fucking Sarah McLachlan dog would get more fucking tears.

You bet. You bet. Than a little, than a 14 year old black kid. Yeah. You're not going to scroll past that when you see it on Facebook, but you will scroll past

the gang violence one. Yeah. You know, you won't scroll past the, I saved this puppy and fostered it, but you will scroll past that when you see it on Facebook, but you will scroll past the gang violence one. Yeah. You know, you won't scroll past the, I saved this puppy and fostered it, but you will, you'll scroll past the, you know. That's a tragedy. It is. It's absolutely a tragedy. That's a fucking tragedy. I wonder, you know, when we talk about this story in particular that, you know, there's, you know, it's the decline of Christianity. There's been a couple of people who've talked about this sort of thing, the decline of Christianity. You know, we're not

praying in schools and we're shooting up these schools now is what, you know, most of these people are saying. And, you know, I do recognize that more and more people are doing this, but I think, I don't, it has nothing to do with morality. It has everything to do with publicity. It has everything to do with how we consume this as a country, how we look at this as a country and how we want to see, you know, there's this 24 hour news cycle that needs to be fed. And these people know they're going to have longer than 15 minutes. It's a lot longer than 15 minutes nowadays. They're going to have several days on the news cycle. And, you know, they did the right thing when they had that person

in, in New Zealand where they didn't mention the person's name and they're just, you know. And they're doing that again, the most recent shooting. Don't remember where it's at anymore. Texas again. Sure. The most recent Texas shooting, they're not, they were not releasing the guy's name in picture. Yeah. They're just like, fuck that. The guy who shot everyone on the roadway. Yeah. This last week. I hope that they do that more often. I hope that becomes the standard practice where we say, you know what, we're not going to do that anymore. We're not going to release the person's name and photo. What we need to do is make sure we don't reward them with what they really want. Yeah. We shouldn't encourage

murder celebrity. Yeah. That's exactly it. Yeah. And it's a fucking crazy thing that we can create murder celebrities. Yeah. And like, so, going on, Tony Perkins says, and this part is just kind of unbelievable. The show's host asks Perkins, you know, what do we need to do as a country? And he says,

I'm willing to sit down with the left who say, I don't want to hear any more about your prayers. Well, I agree. Praying alone is not enough. It's time to act. It's not just about having a conversation about restricting those who should not have guns, criminals,

but it's also a discussion of the absence of a moral core in our culture today. I read that and I thought like, that's still saying nothing. That's still like, here's the difference. If I take away people's guns, they physically don't have a gun.

Yeah. So make them less dangerous. Declaw these motherfuckers. Yeah. So make them less dangerous. Declaw these motherfuckers. Yeah. Declaw them. Take away. Like there was a guy, you know, people pointed out, like there was a guy in China who went on a stabbing rampage and like stabbed like seven kids. And I thought, yeah, great fucking story. I bet he wasn't stopped in 30 seconds. What if that fucking guy in China and had a gun? Yeah. Because the guy, the guy in Newtown that had a gun shot 20 kids. You're always trying, like policy

never gets everything 100% right. It narrows the funnel, right? That's all we can hope to do with 320 million people is narrow the fucking funnel. I don't want to have a conversation about the moral core of America. Let's have that conversation after we've taken the guns away from people who want to

shoot people with them. Then we'll talk.'s like it's like when your kid does something you're like i'm not giving you the ipad back you're not getting the ipad back for a week you're grounded from your guns you don't get any more guns until we can prove that we can use the guns responsibly and not spend a hundred dollars on an in-app purchase right then we like i am going to tape your fucking hands together yeah and then you can't break my shit anymore and then we like i am going to tape your fucking hands together yeah and then you can't break my shit anymore and then we'll talk because the other way isn't working the other way we've talked this out we've talked this through to we're fucking every single color we're we've talked this through to a red white and blue in the face it doesn't make any difference before i begin

this month's apology i just want to announce we have brand new merch, Jack Gang, starting at $70. I need to apologize for putting stairs in all of the wheelchair ramps. I'm sorry I called all of your moms fat. I'm sorry for monetizing my previous apology video. I'm sorry for running up to old women and screaming, you're next, while holding up the obituaries. So this story is interesting. It's from the Hollywood reporter.com. YouTube removes

17,000 channels for hate speech. And like, I thought about that for a second. That's not 17,000 videos. Yeah. That's 17,000 channels. 100,000 videos. That is, I thought that's also

removed 100,000. I think that's in addition to the 17,000 channels. 100,000 videos. That is, I thought that's also removed 100,000. I think that's in addition to the 17,000 channels. Wow. So I thought this was great news, right? Because we've talked about this on a number of occasions. Like there is a new public square, right? There is a new public square. And the problem with it is that it's not public. It's a private square that is free to use and which is functioning, I guess, socially as kind of the marketplace of ideas. and kind of all the fucking gloves are off within these things. And so all of the onus to police this shit falls on those who control these technologies, right? Yeah, yeah. And YouTube has long been a place that,

and its algorithms can help steer this, has long been a place that have driven people further and further into extreme views. Yeah. Through the rabbit hole technology. Yeah, yeah. That's like, oh, you'd like this? You'd like this plus one.

Yeah. You would like this plus one more. Yeah. And that algorithmic movement down the chain moves people's thoughts. Yeah. And there's been so many examples and so many studies around this. And I think it's really encouraging that we're finally taking a look at these things and saying, and doing more than just throwing up our hands and saying like,

hey, I don't control the content. I just provide the platform. Yeah. There is no more meaningful differentiation between platform and content. Like you have a responsibility to manage that square. And I think it's encouraging. Yeah. to manage that square.

And I think it's encouraging. Yeah. A lot of people were initially, when they were getting banned and things like that, they were just getting demonetized initially, right? Because their demonetization algorithm was very liberal, right? So if you said anything,

and it still is from what I hear, right? It's still- It's pretty draconian, right? It's pretty, like, it's really one of those things that, you know, the moment anything even remotely comes up that they think that you shouldn't be making money off of, they will just cut.

There's been people who have posted stuff online where they're like, yeah, I just did a fucking puppies and kittens video and it's got demonetized 30 seconds before it went up. You know, so there's like, that happens a lot. And I think that the algorithm always errs on the side of caution when it comes to that. Like really hard.

From what I'm trying to understand, maybe too much. Yeah. And there's not really a good appeals process from what, like there's problems there for sure. I want to acknowledge that. Absolutely.

Yeah. And I've heard a lot of that. I've heard there's been some real issues with that. But that was the initial thing that everybody was complaining about. And then they started, once Twitter started banning these people, right? And now YouTube banned InfoWars

and then they started banning a few others. They started recognizing that these people, they're making statements that they need to, that YouTube could then be somewhat liable for. And I think that they're realizing that like, you know, oh, maybe I could be liable for something that they say. I've got to sort of cover our own ass. And like you say,

it's not one of these things that you can just let your hands up and be like, sorry, we're like that bitch shoot or whatever it was, where it's like, you could just come on and be as racist as you want, wear your white hood and like fucking lynch somebody on screen. We don't care, whatever it is,

we're a bastion of free speech. These big, big markets, these big, big companies, they're like, no, we're not going to do that. We're not going to let you come on and say things. I know that there's going to be a pushback from some people who are going to say, well, who gets to, who gets to be the arbiter? Who gets to decide? And the answer is it's the company. You can go to another company. You can go to bit shoot, right? go to BitChute, right? You can go to these other places. You can go to those- Oh, but nobody likes that. Get it popular.

It's almost like nobody likes your hate speech. Yeah, right. Get it popular then. Right. If what you have to say is so popular, people wouldn't care where they had to go to get it, right? If what you had to say was so important, people wouldn't worry that they just got it at your website.

I think that they should let some of these racists come on though, come back on. And if they do, you have a rule that you can do any racist content that you want, but it has to be with puppets. I think that would be a great way to make sure that

you keep the comedy in there. I think you've hit on something there. Like Team America World Police style. Oh, you could do puppets yeah obviously you're thinking marionettes I'm thinking like I'm thinking like

like hand puppets yeah so instead of like Fozzie the bear you got Nazi the bear you know Nazi the bear swastika sticka

sticka swastika sticka sticka you know you could do some fun stuff with that oh my god yeah

Dr. Teeth takes on a weird meaning that's a weird meaning when you talk about Nazis I think Dr. Teeth. Yeah. Dr. Teeth takes on a weird meaning. That's a weird meaning when you talk about Nazis, I think. Dr. Teeth is very dark. Dr. Teeth is dark. That is super fucked up.

Dr. Teeth is dark. You could have, instead of Elmo, you could have Guantanamo. It's all gold fillings. Look at that. It's all the whole thing. The whole thing's gold.

It's all gold fillings. Yeah. He did have a lot of gold fillings. He had a grill. That guy had a grill. Yeah, he did. And it weren't his. Not a single tooth was his.

Not a single tooth was his. I think, to be honest, I think that that's not an original idea. As I recall, there was a show called Wonder Chosen that had like all kinds of crazy shit. For real? It's supposed to be a kid's show,

but they did all kinds of like adult content and stuff. Really? Yeah, like it's like adult content, not like sexy adult content, but like just like swearing and stuff. But it was like a kid's show. So it was like structurally, visually a kid's show,

but like content was- And then like at one point, there's like a song that the kids were singing called Slaves Built the Pyramids. And they're all dancing. They're like slaves. So it's like,

I know slaves didn't build the pyramids. Don't send me your email. But you know what I mean? It was aliens. We all know it was ancient aliens. It's ancient aliens and not hairbrushes because that guy.

That dude is amazing. What is, that dude is something else. He looks, he seriously looks like a guy who's surprised to be on camera. I love that guy so much. All the time.

He started out not looking like that. And then he eventually sort of kept getting worse and worse and his hair kept going up and up. We have a buddy, a friend of ours, who used to be, there's a judge show called Judge Mathis. And it's an afternoon TV show. And a buddy of ours a long time ago told me this story

that he used to be an extra on Judge Mathis. And so he used to- I remember this now. So he used to go in and at first he was just getting paid. He wasn't doing anything. I forgot about this. And then he started

every day he would make his hair like a little higher and then a little higher and then instead he said at a certain point he looked like a lion's mane. Oh my God.

I fucking love this story. He just posed. He just like... He hairsprayed everything he could as high as he could. And it was like, he basically made a straight out, like he looked like Beetlejuice, he said. He was like the craziest look.

And he said they kept doing it until they finally asked him not to come back. Just to be on camera in the background looking fucking stupid. He said, he's like, you could always find me. He's like, you could always find me in the back. I fucking forgot about that. Oh my God, I love that, man.

These companies also at this point are recognizing that they have a financial liability, a financial obligation to not become 8chan. Yeah. Right? Because some shit like 8chan, and I think we both listen to it daily, like that shit is not, it doesn't make any money.

8chan is something that the creators of 8chan have to pay to keep up. Yeah. Like, that shit is a poison. It is a financial poison. Things like YouTube make billions of dollars. Yes. And they're not making billions of dollars

because some asshole posts some crazy racist screed on it and then runs off and, you know, shoots up a nightclub or something. That's, that's a, it, it is a good thing that the marketplace of ideas, that the invisible hand, if you will, is steering us away from fascist, mean-spirited bullshit.

Yeah. Because as soon as the fucking money principle gets involved, it's like, free speech, free speech. Wait a minute, I'm going to lose dollars and cents? Fuck free speech. Yeah. Because as soon as the fucking money principle gets involved, it's like, oh yeah, free speech, free speech. Wait a minute, I'm going to lose dollars and cents. Fuck free speech. Yeah.

What we want is good content. What we want is good content, curated content. That's what we need. Tom. Yes, sir. It's time to do a little This Week in Trump.

Hi, kids. Welcome to This Week in Trump. He says some dumb shit shit let's get into it so i am going to talk we're going to talk we're going to sort of shotgun style some of these stories i'm going to read off a few of these uh i'm not i need to know that i'm going to read the headlines i'm just going to tell you the main idea of a few things that happened this week with trump all right um this week trump doodled on a weather map he he uh he wound up congratulating poland for the holocaust he had no idea what was being said he wound up saying that there can't be a recession because everybody's flush with cash.

And finally, this is more of a Pence thing. Pence stayed at his estate like three hours away from all the appointments and things that he had to do. And he flew to those appointments in a clear, a clear money grab for Trump for the estate thing that he was doing. I got to talk about that. Like what I love about that story is that like one hotel reservation mattered that much. Like you own this chain of hotels. I know. International hotels, you're like, all right, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, it's end of the month. I'm

near my quota. I'm going to need to fill that all right, I'm, I'm, I'm, it's end of the month. I'm near my quota. Yeah. I'm going to need to fill that, uh, double occupancy King room. You can bring mother or whatever. It's not just that. It's like his whole staff too is there.

Right. And it's like, it's, it's not just one room. It's, it's dozens of rooms that are being filled at a very expensive hotel. This isn't a cheap hotel. This isn't like,

this isn't the budget. No, this is a Trump property. It's a five-star hotel with bedbugs. It's a five... Yeah, his hotels, there's been a lot of stuff coming out about it. Supposedly, yeah. Supposedly gross, yeah. Bedbugs and sewage in the pool and

all this nasty shit. How disgusting would that be? You dive in and you get a baby Ruth in your mouth. It's like, that's not a baby Ruth. Like this isn't the Chicago River. Disgusting. God, that would be so bad. I mean, you already pee in the pool.

So it's not, I mean, there's already like number one in there. It's just there's number two in there. It's bad. Do you ever, you ever been at the pool and somebody shat in the pool? No. So my dad and I went pool and somebody shat in the pool? No. So my dad and I went on this fishing trip. Yeah. So my dad and I went on this

fishing trip. And like, so we drove up to Canada and we broke the trip up into two pieces, right? And so you know, it's a long drive and like my dad's an older guy. And so we wanted to like find a hotel. They had a pool with like hot tubs. You could like sit and soak his bones or whatever. Sure. And so like we go and there's a pool

and I jump in the pool first. My dad's over in the hot tub. And then all of a sudden I look up and everybody is like peacing out of the pool. And like some kid like deuced the pool. And I was just like, oh, I'm still in the pool. Oh God.

It's like a fucking panic in the disco moment. It's like, oh, I'm still in the pool. Oh, God. It's like a fucking panic in the disco moment. It's like, oh, my God. You're like banging on the side, trying to get out. You can't get out. And the turd's slowly floating towards you. And you're like, oh, God. Oh, God. Get the chopper.

Call the chopper. And it's making the jaws sound. And it's making the jaws sound the... It happened at another public pool. This was at a hotel. Oh, Jesus. It's just like, well, now, okay. Fucking that's foul as shit. Literally.

Yeah, yeah. And then it happened at like a great big public pool. And the same thing. Like everybody's got to get out. Somebody deuced the pool, huh? And they got to like drain it and like nuke it from orbit or whatever they have to do because trunks are tight right like they normally have like a little thing on in between like a mesh that sort of sort of attaches to you so i wonder if that like cheese grates the poo it's like through cheese cloth it's like strained out

it's like a crescent moon it comes comes out. It's like Spitzel. It's pressed through like Spitzel. Shatzel. This stuff has its own demi-glace. Look at that. It's like that old dog commercial with the gravy where you put the thing in there, the dry food, and you pour the water over it. What was that called? Gravy train.

Gravy train. I remember those commercials where the dog would chase around the little animated... That's what was in your pool was the gravy train. And somebody just added water. It's seeping out. I swear to God, if that was one of my kids, I'd just be like,

cool, toss the kid in the pool and leave. You just throw the kid into the suction part for the pink. He's in the filter now. Whatever, I don't care. That's not mine anymore.

You shit the pool. I disowned it. I'm out. I disowned it. That Pence thing, let's start with that. The Pence thing is crazy to me that, to me that even like Liz Warren is saying, we want to see the records on why he stayed there. This president is so brazen and he's done this a

ton. He's staying at his own resort constantly, paying his own resort exorbitant amounts of money. The amount of money he supposedly gave up for being president, the $400,000. He's like, I donated my salary. And somebody had tweeted. He's like, I donated my salary. And somebody had tweeted, he's like, I'm the only president to ever give up my salary for the presidency. And someone had tweeted, yeah, well, you've already golfed away 253 salaries. Like the amount of money that he's spending on stuff like that is just obscene. But I get a feeling like maybe Pence didn't have a choice because I feel like Pence

does a lot of things that he's told to do. You know what I mean? And he normally ends that, ends that statement with yes, mother. You know what I mean? Like, like. Can you imagine a world

where he doesn't do what he's told to do? And, and I, I feel like the vice presidency of Mike Pence is a giant game of Mother May. It's just this big game. He doesn't feel to me.

When I first came in, I thought, oh, you know, maybe, because you remember he debated that like mad scientist or whatever. Oh, yeah, Tim Cade or whatever. That nobody ever heard of. That guy was just like, he's like screaming and weird.

Anyway, that dude, I know, right? Nobody remembers him, right? He looks like a caveman in a suit. He looked crazy as shit. That guy, that guy was nuts. He was a guy everybody had to Google. I don't care how much you followed politics. You were like, nobody knew who he was. You picked the who with the what now? Yeah, exactly. And that guy, I remember like when I saw him debate him, I was like, oh, you know, Pence to me felt like

a much stabler portion of that ticket. Like clearly a much stabler portion. But since then, I've just been like, no, I just think he's just a giant pushover.

Like it just, it occurs to me now that he's a giant, and kind of a lot of people when he first came in, everybody was like, oh, Pence is the one who's pulling all the strings.

And then you see it now, you're just like, no way. No way. No, he's not. No. He's not doing anything. He's not doing any of that. Okay, real quick, pop quiz hot shot. Shoot the hostage. Yes, in this case, yes. Who is the mushier personality?

Ted Cruz or Mike Pence? It's Ted Cruz. Ted Cruz on the stage was just like, I guess I'll support him. And then he fucking, his It's Ted Cruz. Ted Cruz on the stage was just like, I got to sound some horn in. And then he stayed up as straight as he could for an invertebrate for a moment and then melted back into himself. That's what happened with Ted Cruz.

That was on the Republican. Oh. Which one is more? Pence is more afraid of women. Pence is more afraid of women. Cruz, I think when you see how he interacts with his family

you're just like I don't think he knows how to be human I don't think he's met them yet he doesn't know he doesn't know how to move this thing yet right

so he is not sure how any of that works so I feel like he's the quirkier guy but he's also I feel like he's the weaker guy but I don't think he is a guy who doesn't know how to interact with him but I don't think he is a guy who doesn't

know how to interact with women. I don't think he knows how to interact with anybody. Yeah, that's true. I don't think it's specific to women. I don't think it's specific to women. But I think Pence is genuinely afraid of women. I think he's like his tiny little white balls shoot up into his body whenever a woman comes within 10 feet

of him. Let's talk for a second about the congratulations. He clearly didn't know what the question was and tried to bullshit the question. Yeah, he tried to bullshit the question. So what happened was, is that he had said, this is a great,

now I'm going to post this link. This is an amazing, this Common Dreams is where we got a story recently that was excellent. It was about that perseverance porn. And this site is amazing. It's very good. And it's super scathing.

This is, just the title, Village Idiot offers congrats to Poland for Nazi invasion that decimated their country and killed millions. And it's so amazing.

But he basically says, the way he, the way he phrases it, they ask him, they say, they say, if you had any message for the long-suffering Polish people, he brightened and he said he had a great message.

It was, I want to congratulate Poland. He said, Poland is a great country with great people. And it says, we even have some Polish people in our country. He says, we love our Polish friends and I look forward to being there soon. I congratulate you wholeheartedly. I'm being invaded by the Nazis.

September 1st, 1939 is the anniversary of the invasion of Poland by Nazi Germany. Great job, guys. Great job. So good. You were invaded so hard. One time, guys. Great job. So good. You were invaded so hard. One time at work. No idea. One time at work,

we invaded Poland. No, one time at work, we were... We used to do this thing. We don't do it anymore, but we used to do it all the time. Every few days, a card would come across my desk. And it would be a birthday card. Because everybody in the office has a fucking birthday

and then I'll write the same thing. Happy B-Day and I write my name. Like that's what I do every time. I have the same thing because it was fast. I wanted to do it fast

and get off my desk. I didn't even spell it birthday. I didn't even spell birthday. You don't care at all. I didn't want to sign it. Many days, Tom, many days I would close my door.

I would see them. I would see them down the hall and I'd be like, clunk, days I would close my door. I would see them. I would see them down the hall and I'd be like, clunk. And I closed my door until they left. When people bring their kids in and they're like, look at my kid. I'm always like, clunk. I close the door. I never want to look at your kid. I don't care about your kid. I don't give a shit. Keep your kid at home. Nobody needs to see that. I don't bring my cats in. Fuck your kid. So anyway, like I shut the door all the time, but once in a while they'd sneak through. And then we used to have some

really persistent receptionists who would knock on my door and be like, there's the card you need to sign. And be like, give me the fucking thing. And I go to my desk and I sign it and go back. But anyway, I remember one time, I remember one time I got a card and I signed it. And then the next day, cause I never went to any of the parties. The next day they were like, did you go to so-and-so's going away party? And I was like, I signed it. Happy birthday. I signed it.

Happy birthday. I wish the person a happy birthday. And it was their last day there. What does it mean? It wasn't almost a happy birthday. And it was their last day there. What does it mean? It wasn't almost their birthday. I always feel like that's what, that's what Trump did here. He gave him a,

he gave him a birthday card on the Holocaust day or whatever. It's like, it's like someone's in the hospital, that get well soon card. You know, their dad dies, like a sympathy card. You're like,

Jesus, happy birthday. You know, their dad dies like a sympathy card. You're like, happy birthday. Somebody's baby is stillborn. Happy birthday. Jesus Christ. It's not, it's just as bad as the Holocaust. Jesus Christ.

Congratulations on your Holocaust. Congratulations on your Holocaust. Oh, Jesus, man. It's amazing. So he also, this week, he said, and this is an article from Rolling Stone where they talk about how he said out loud, he said, I don't think we're having a recession,

Trump told reporters. We're doing tremendously well. Our consumers are rich. I gave a tremendous tax cut and they're loaded up with money. Everyone is flush with cash, so there's no recession. Isn't that,

and he lied about, he lied about the phone call too with China. He lied. He just made it up. He just made it all up. He said, oh, don't worry,

because the market was taking a shit on him over the weekend. Oh, big time. And he lied to make that up so he could say, oh no, we got to, we got a trade deal coming. And he slowed that descent. And then the market picked up afterwards, even after they found out it was a lie. Because the markets are insane. Yeah. Like the markets, just be clear, like the markets are fucking crazy and they just do things and nobody knows why. Yeah. Like that's just, it just like, well, the markets, I don't know.

Like, they just, it's fucking insane. It's betting on the ponies is what that shit is. It really is, yeah. Like, oh, somebody burped in Alaska. The market's tanked. Exactly.

Everything is affected by the butterfly effect in that. It's like any tiny little thing. But then some days, there can be like an amazing thing that you know for sure is going to dump everything and nothing happens.

And you're just like, it doesn't make any sense at all. With the Trump stuff, like, don't you feel like this is just like 1984? It's like we've always been at war with Oceania. Oh, yeah.

This in particular. You're just like, he came out and was like, China blinked. Yeah. This is basically what he said. He's like, we're in a trade war.

We're in a standoff. China blinked. We had calls. They're eager to end this war. None of that happened. None of that happened. It's like saying like, we a trade war. We're in a standoff. China blinked. We had calls. They're eager to end this war. None of that happened. None of that happened. None of it. It's like saying like,

we won the war. We're signing a peace treaty. Yeah. It's fucking V-Day. And meanwhile, like everybody's over still shooting because we're still, it's like,

we're just saying things irregardless, regardless, irregardless isn't a word, regardless of the facts on the ground. Yeah. And he's not in trouble for anything ever, no matter what.

He can say whatever he wants and he can lie about stuff like this. One of the things he said, one of the things that's in this article, it says a study published by the Federal Reserve earlier this year found that 39% of Americans don't have enough cash on hand to cover an unexpected $400 expense.

$400 is a lot of money. It is. It's a lot of money. And that can, you know, But think about it this way. $400 is a lot of money, but $400 is not a major car repair. $400 is a minor car repair. It's not even all four tires. $400 is a minor emergency room bill. Very minor. Very minor. Very minor, right? Yeah. Very minor, right? Yeah. $400.

You know, you start thinking about all this thing. And I mean, $400 is a lot of money. It's genuinely a lot of money. I'm not going to piss on $400. It's a lot of money to earn, not to spend. But I'm, yeah, but I'm going to say right now, if an emergency, when we talk about emergency things, emergency things don't cost $400.

Like for, you don't get emergency things for four, everything that you can get for an emergency is thousands of dollars. Right. It's not hundreds of dollars. Yeah. I'm thinking back to like, anytime something that you're like, holy shit, that's real significant bad news.

It's like, that's, that's going to cost four, five figures. I took, I had a, my cat got sick earlier in the year and I took my cat to the emergency room

and that bill was well over $400. I mean, it was a lot of money. I'm talking a well, well, well, well,

well over $400 to take the cat to an emergency room. I couldn't imagine what would happen if, you know, it was a 4,000, 5,000, $10,000 bill that they got. That's immediate bankruptcy for some people. $10,000 would be immediate bankruptcy.

For a lot of people. For a lot of people. And I would say clearly more than the 39% that couldn't afford 400. Oh yeah, yeah. Clearly more than that. But that's hard for me to reconcile because everybody's flush with me to reconcile because everybody's

flush with cash everybody's fucking making it rain because of the tax cut yeah the tax cut that like nobody can feel I'm running my credit card

up a stripper's ass because I fucking got so much goddamn money I don't know what to do with it all it's so funny too because everybody

everybody I talked to was like yeah I got fucked on taxes I don't know how he can keep talking about how he got he gave all his friends a tax cut he didn't fucking give anybody the normal guy didn't get a tax cut Everybody I talked to was like, yeah, I got fucked on taxes. I don't know how he can keep talking about how he got. He gave all his friends a tax cut.

He didn't fucking give anybody. The normal guy didn't get a tax cut. And if I did get a tax cut, I didn't fucking notice it. Yeah. It was an imperceptible difference in your biweekly paycheck. Yeah. And then it was a crushing blow at the end of the year. Yeah. Finally, let's talk about the doodle.

He drew on. He drew the head of a penis. He drew the head of the year. At the end of the year. Yeah. Finally, let's talk about the doodle. He drew on... He drew the head of a penis. He drew the head of a penis. He drew dick butt on that thing. That's what he did. He drew dick butt on the hurricane. So the gaffe was he had said out loud that it was going to hit Alabama.

He had said that out loud. And the problem is, is that he misspoke and probably meant Georgia. That's probably what he meant when he said it out loud. Or he is is that he misspoke and probably meant Georgia that's probably what he meant when he said it out loud or he meant something else right yeah okay but to be fair

all the toothless states do look alike they do they do absolutely yeah with the lights off they're all the same

and they all have the lights off because they don't have electricity they all smell the same in the dark you know what I mean in any case in any case what is that

is that Cajun what is that smell is that Tonyajun? What is that smell? Tony Chachere's I'm smelling? That's like a dirty spice. That's a dirty. Dirty spice was my favorite. Out of all those, out of the spice girls,

dirty spice was my favorite. Oh, by far. I don't know that there is a dirty spice. That was like pumpkin spice. Pumpkin spice. That was the redhead, right?

Was there a redhead? I don't right? I don't remember the spices. In any case, in any case, um, they all had a nice spice rack, but in any case, in any case, he misspoke,

but he's such a fucking raging narcissist that he couldn't be wrong about it. And so he got up, he, he brought in five day old maps that showed the thing wrong. Like novelty check signs. Giant fucking on like foam boards.

Like science fair. Yeah, they're science fair like boards. And then it's showing like a five day old map he was showing. He was showing like a five day old map because people called him out on the Alabama thing. They're like, it's not going to hit Alabama.

The National Weather Service had to come out and correct the president and say, it is not going to hit Alabama, everybody. Alabama, don't board up your houses. Alabama, don't flee. It's okay. It's not going to hit you. They even said like, it was never,

you were never in any danger. Because it was going up the other side of the peninsula. Like it wasn't even like close. Like it wasn't even, it's like saying like New Mexico was going to get hit by it. It's the same level of ludicrous. It's the wrong side of the peninsula. But anyway, he says this stuff

and then he can't back down. He immediately has to go tell people, no, they said that's what it was and all the reports, you guys are wrong. He immediately has to go tell people, no, they said that's what it was in all the reports. You guys are wrong. He's gaslighting the entire, entire nation. And then he goes to extreme lengths

to gaslight us by setting up this science fair board with a five-day-old map that shows the hurricane coming up and it shows the area of effect. This was already passed at that point. Already passed at that point. Most of Florida was not under that, under This was already passed at that point. Already passed at that point. Most of Florida was not under that,

under that watch at that point. And he pulled it out and Florida was still in the white, but he had drawn a black circle on the edge of it, just like a dick butt, just on the edge to show that Alabama was also included.

And on his desk, when he's giving the presentation, is a black Sharpie. It's the best thing in the world. Sharpie. It's like you walk in on your kid who has lit the room

on fire and he has a torch hidden behind his back. Like an old timey pitchfork and torch behind his back. I love this is the president. He couldn't get somebody

to Photoshop a different fucking chart that he can hold up. Yeah. Instead, he's like all right. You know it made that amazing salad. All right. Put me on camera. Looks good. I would have believed it if I saw it on TV. Everything on TV

is true. What a fool. It's amazing. It's genuinely the leader of the world. In all seriousness, if he's willing to lie about this little tiny narcissistic thing that is so easy to go back on, right?

So a couple weeks ago on the show, and I don't want to pick on Tom because this happens to me all the time, but it's just something that popped into my head. Sure. Recently, Tom made a mistake about a miles per hour that a missile went. Right. We got Recently, Tom made a mistake about a miles per hour that a missile went. Right. We got her an email that said it wasn't that miles per hour.

The next week you said, yep, sorry, my brain did math wrong. Whoopsie, it's actually one order of magnitude less than that. Yeah. And then that was the end of the story. That's literally it. You said, whoops, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that.

How fucking hard, it wasn't hard at all. It was literally the easiest thing in the world to be like, yeah, I'm sorry, I made a mistake. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to say that. How fucking hard, it wasn't hard at all. It was literally the easiest thing in the world to be like, yeah, I'm sorry. I made a mistake. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to say that. You know what? I meant to say this. He could have just said, you know, I was, you know, I'm the president of the United States. I'm a little busy. Once in a while, I mess up the states down there. You know, once in a while, I'm like, oh man, I meant to say Georgia. I said, Alabama, I'm very, oh man, I meant to say Georgia. I said Alabama. I'm very, very sorry. You're all interchangeable. Easily.

None of you can read anyway. I didn't think it was going to be a problem. Don't worry. I've cinched both of those states. I don't care about you anymore. You guys are all in the losing the Civil War area, right? I'm with you guys. To back away from that, all you would have been like, you know what?

I'm so glad you've been mistaken. Our friends in Alabama are going to be fine. Oh my God. How easy is that? You just, you don't even have to explain why you were wrong

because it's just understood that sometimes it's okay to be wrong. Yeah. And in this case, to be grateful, to be right, it's a good thing

to be wrong about. Yeah. Hey, y'all are safe. I think I said that right for you guys in Alabama. But it's so, you're right. It's so easy.

It's so easy to just,, yep, I messed up. Sorry about that. Moving on. But he's such a fucking raging narcissist. He has to go out, have them come to his office. He's got to have a little, let me play meteorologist for a few minutes and fucking stand in front of my maps and fucking circle something. Could you imagine how much he's lying to us on

other shit and how much he will lie to us? He's already proven it about China. He's willing to lie to us about that. We've been getting this big report the entire time he's been president, the job growth, job growth, job growth. I'm starting to question whether or not that's true, right? I know that there, I've seen a couple articles that there are numbers aren't right, that there've been saying they've been adding hundreds of thousands to some of those numbers. Jesus Christ. Right? So I heard a report, and I don't know, I think it was on the Daily

or something, where they said that they were adding numbers to that. To the jobs numbers? To the jobs numbers. Holy shit. So they're already, like, if they're willing to lie, if he's willing to lie about this, he's almost certainly willing and i know people are going to send us the message to be like it's actually against the law to alter a weather

map i don't know if you saw this they were saying it's a lot do lots of shit he does he's constantly floating this guy this guy could fucking they could have found a dead body in his room and a gun on his desk and it wouldn't fucking matter the sharpie and the fucking map doesn't matter either folks this game of clue like this is like it's like trump with his sharpie and the fucking map doesn't matter either, folks. This game of Clue, it's like Trump with his Sharpie in the National Weather Service. Exactly, yeah. It doesn't give a shit. On the Resolute Desk.

It doesn't matter. So we want to thank our patrons. Of course, we want to thank all our patrons. We want to thank our newest patrons, Chris, Dick Berger, Michael, Rachel, Peter, Boof Doggy Dog, Andrew, and Cade. Thanks so much for your generous

donations. We really do truly appreciate it. You guys are the ones who pay Ian's salary, so thank you very much. We got a message from Adrian, and Adrian sent us a video that we've seen many times. It's a Garfunkel and Oates song called The Loophole. It's about... Well, I'll just let you watch it. It's on this week's show notes. If you haven't seen it, we had've seen many times. It's a Garfunkel and Oates song called The Loophole. It's about, well, I'll just let you watch it. It's on this week's show notes.

If you haven't seen it, we had seen it many times, Adrian, but thank you very much for sending it in. Got a message from Elvis, and Elvis said that he liked our, when we talked about trickle-down economics, but he said that we did skip over an important factor.

Corporations and their billionaire helmsmen do reinvest a shit ton of money, but they are investing it in technologies that reduce human employment. And that's what Andrew Yang's been saying a lot. He's been saying, like, we're taking away jobs by replacing them. And he's been saying that a lot. And let's be clear,

they do that because at the end of the day, they spend less money, so it's less of an investment. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Like, no one invests more money in technology because they want to spend the same amount. Right. They're investing this money because they want to realize a savings and any savings is less money into the company. Yeah. Yeah. We got a long message about trickle out and down economics from Suzanne, but Suzanne also mentioned, she says on the issue of Malort, economics from Suzanne, but Suzanne also mentioned, she says on the issue of Malort, I think the name is a Swedish variant of Malort. And I'm saying Malort here, but it's actually pronounced Malort. That was very nicely done. This is a kind, and she says it's, it's the kind of schnapps made by

putting in, putting the plant Malort in 40% alcohol for a while. Millert is- I could listen to you do that all day. Is what I would categorize as a weed and thus easily available. And it's delicious when partook under the Northern Lights. I will say this, if it tastes like the absolute most bitter thing in the universe, then yes, it might be.

But take Radicio and basically turn that into an essence and that's malort. Malort. It's like a rugel of booze. It's so bad. I will tell you this and someone even posted

on somewhere to be like, fuck, I got to buy some of this stuff now. You don't need to buy it. And if you guys ever come to Chicago when we're at a bar, we will buy you shots of Malort. All the time.

Glory Hill Studios will buy shots of Malort for people. You can't get drunk off it because you can't have two. Yeah, because you can't. You won't do two. You won't do two. You can't.

It's like those fucking poison candies that you've got over here. Those salt licorice? Yeah. I think doing two of those is... Which would you rather do? A shot of Malort or one of those poison licorices?

I'd do one of those poison candies in a second. Would you? In a second. I would drink a glass of Malort. In a second. One of those is... Which would you rather do? A shot of Malort or one of those poison licorices? I'd do one of those poison candies in a second. Would you? In a second. I would drink a glass of Malort. In a second. One of those poison candies. I would fucking stick

two of those poison candies in my nose. Are you kidding me? Fucking. Malort is the worst thing I've ever had. Is it? Fuck that.

Is it the worst thing you've ever had? Fuck that shit. You know, I imagine that there's worse shit out there. Yeah. I heard a story

of those baluts or whatever those things are. I know someone who ate two of them just to make sure he didn't like them. Just to make sure he didn't like them. But he said they were genuinely and this is a guy who he has a cast iron stomach and he said he was heaving afterwards. It was the worst. So there's a couple

things out there that I'm sure is way worse and I would not try. There's been stuff that that Andrew Zimmerman guy or whatever his name is that fucking chokes down like a fucking donkey dick or whatever. I'm like, I would never like, there's a million things he eats that I would never even try. I had a bowl of squid eyeballs. Well, he's just like, yeah, I'm going to eat this handful of maggots. You're like, cool story, bro. But that's not for me. I had a hubcap. You can't stop him from eating things. He's like chewing on the sidewalk. You got to pull him away like a dog. I had a Wi-Fi router.

What the fuck is going on? He's shitting out gold wire. Yeah. But yeah, like that, I'm sure that there's, you know, there's worse stuff. But for me, that was, it's one of those things that like left a searing impression in my brain of like how terrible it was. Is it the worst the worst thing you've ever eaten?

What do you, it could be. I think it might be, you know, I've had, you know, throughout my life, I might've had something that was rotten too. Like I might've accidentally eaten something that was rotten, but I think it was the only thing I've ever eaten that was meant to be something that you consumed

that I didn't accidentally consume. Like I might've drank straight, a sterno when I was a kid too, or something like that. Right. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like a bee in your patchy or something. Yeah, whatever it is. Like, yeah, it's not supposed to be there.

This stuff you're like actually actively trying to put in your body. So I think it was the worst thing that I ever tried to put in my body. Yeah. I think those candies. Yeah. Those candies. Those candies or the unhomogenized goat milk I had to drink as a kid. Yeah. That was fun. Yeah.

I mean, you know, I bitch and complain about the eggnog that we have to drink, but it's nothing in comparison. To Malort? To Malort. No, I would bathe in it. Yeah. I would rub that shit all over myself and drink the bath water. In comparison, nothing.

So we got a couple of messages about the Jewish population. This one's from Hebrew Hooligan, which is a great name, especially about this topic. And this source says that we're about 9.5 million in Europe at the time of the start of 1933. But when we found out and we did some research the other day,

1933, it doesn't sound like they started killing people until much later. So that's one source. And there's another source that we got too. This one is a much longer email and this one's from Dave. And Dave says that he found Dave's source in PDF.

The world population was 1.6 million or 6 billion in 1900, not 1.38 billion. And he says the Jewish population in 1900 was 10 million, 10.6 million. Yeah. And 1939 is the beginning of the Holocaust. Yeah. So that's what this,

that's what a source comes out here. This is a different source, another source. So again, it's more than what he said. That judge. Your math checks, it turns out. So yeah, there's a couple of people who sent in messages

to basically say his math is wrong. Yeah, he's just reading an old book. And we said, it's just an old book. It's not, it's just him being a douchebag about it. Got a message. This is from Cassandra. And she said, just letting you know, replacing Paul Revere was particularly funny

since he himself was the replacement for a real hero of that story. And she sent a wiki article for Samuel Prescott, which we might actually do on Citation Needed now. Now it makes me think I might want to do a thing about Samuel Prescott on Citation Needed. We've got a bunch of messages about our website. It appeared that the download button

wasn't available on mobile. It currently is available on mobile now. So we changed the code. I didn't do it. I've hired a smart person to do it and they did it. And so the code has been changed. It should be available on mobile now. The download link should be available. Someone made a video and I don't know if they made it in direct correlation to what we did, but this is certainly talking about the topics we talked about last week with the gay teaching. Josh sends this to us.

It's a short video skit that they put together. It's actually a pretty funny skit. It's actually really funny. We're going to post it on this week's show notes. This is episode 486. We got a message from Aaron, and Aaron said that they just listened to episode 485, and got a message from Aaron and Aaron said that they just listened to episode 485

and they wanted to share their personal encounter with a gendered bathrooms thing. They managed a cafe and it was a board game shop and a coffee shop in Minnetonka, Minnesota. I never heard of Minnetonka, but anyway.

Yeah, but I mean, to be fair, no one's ever heard of most of Minnesota. Yeah, so it's probably by be fair, no one's ever heard of most of Minnesota. So it's probably by a lake though. In any case, they said they had three single-use restrooms, one of which was

accessible to wheelchairs. So naturally, we decided to come up with our own signs, a robot, an octopus, and a dinosaur in a wheelchair.

That's so great. This is one of the favorite things was watching people approach the bathrooms, look from one picture to the next in confusion, then just give up and pick one and that's amazing that's my favorite shit just walk up you're like i gotta have eight dicks to go in this one whoa have you

ever seen them there's a really funny um there's a guy an amputee is standing outside of a bathroom and he's looking between the men and the women and he's standing there with his crutches and he's got one leg and he's looking between the men and the women and the men has two legs, but the women, if you look, it looks like it has one leg. So he's trying to decide, he's looking back and forth, trying to decide which one is his. It's actually really funny. So anyways, thanks for sending that in Aaron. So if you missed our live stream, this will release on Monday. So if you are hearing this now and you are on a patron you definitely missed our live stream

unless you remembered it from last week but if you are a patron you will be able to catch us probably tomorrow I'm presuming this will release on Saturday you'll be able to catch us

on Sunday at 2pm yep central time yep we're going to be doing some fun stuff having a full live stream

it's going to be a great time so you're going to stick around hang out with us if you missed it you can always catch it on YouTube we'll be doing some fun stuff, having a full live stream. It's going to be a great time. So you're going to stick around and hang out with us. If you missed it, you can always catch it on YouTube. We'll be doing a full review, a full ranking of the Democratic candidates on that live stream.

So you're going to want to join us or at least go back and watch it later. But that is going to wrap it up for this week. We are going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized,

stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water downward spiral, brain dead pan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment. brain dead pan sales pitch late night info docutainment leo pisces cancer cures detox reflex foot massage death and towers tarot cards psychic healing crystal balls bigfoot yeti aliens churches mosques and synagogues temples dragons giant worms atlantis dolphins truthers birthers witches wizards vaccine nuts shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody.

Evidential. Conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and information provided on this podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. All opinions are solely that of Glory Hole Studios LLC. Cognitive dissonance makes no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information and will not be liable for any errors, damages, or butthurt arising from consumption. All information is provided on an as-is basis. No refunds.

Produced in association with the local dairy council and viewers like you