Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 495: Fat Beets

Episode Date: November 4, 2019

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This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording live from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dismiss. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. Studios in Chicago. This is Cognitive Dismiss. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and fiddle that knob, buddy. Hey, buddy.

How's that knob going? Hey, buddy. You know what? I'm excited. Hey, buddy. I'm going to fiddle mine. I'm going to fiddle mine now. It gets a little loud. Oh, it does.

It gets a little loud. It does. You got a new toy in the glory hole. You got a new toy in the glory hole. And if you want a new toy in the glory hole, all you have to do is go to adamandeeve.com, type in Gloria Chekhov, 50% off almost any item. I started, we didn't even finish,

and I got the Adam and Eve ad in. But I know that it's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome at this episode 495 of Cognitive Dissonance. And Cecil, we are starting a new old venture. Yeah. That's Vulgarity for Charity, man.

Vulgarity for Charity. Super excited, buddy. I love Vulgarity for Charity. Here's what I love about Vulgarity for Charity. There's a part of me, and it's most of me. And I spend 360 days out of the year repressing this part of me. The part of me that desires nothing more than to unleash an avalanche of cruelty upon the world. And for just a handful of days, for charity nonetheless, I get to realize my full potential as a person.

And by person, I mean asshole. A bad person. A very bad person. And we do it for money. And we do it. We do it for, well, not our money. Not our money. For charity. We do it for your money to give to Modest Needs. And so here's how it works. You donate $50 to Vulgarity for Charity.

To do that, all you have to do is go to ModestNeeds.org. And once you get there, pick anybody story who you think is moving. And there's dozens of these stories, a lot like Kiva, where someone is looking for money. Now this isn't money for someone who is destitute, who is on the street, homeless. These are people who can possibly fall into homelessness if you don't help them now. They're on the cusp. Yeah, they're on the cusp. It's not for people who have significant need. They have a modest need.

They need help with their electrical bill. They need help paying their car payment because they're two months behind. They need help with some sort of dental operation that they cannot pay for. And they're behind on bills and they need to pay this money. And you can go and help them.

You can donate 50 or more. We encourage you to donate as much as you can. 50 will get you a roast though. So all you need to do is donate 50 and you can get a roast. You send a proof of that donation to vulgarityforcharity at gmail.com. And you tell us who you want to roast,

what the person's name is, what they look like, if we don't know who they are. If it's not Donald Trump or somebody I know, don't tell us to be like, yeah, I want you to roast my brother Dave and you don't send a picture and you don't tell us about him.

We don't know anything about Dave to roast him. Yeah, give us some details about who they are and you'll get a much more personalized roast. Yeah, and we will roast these people on upcoming shows. We are going to go through them. We are excited this year because there's a $100,000

match. Yeah, let's talk about that. Last year, it was kind of incredible. Last year, there was a single anonymous donor who agreed to match $50,000. And with the help of that donor and the support of all the listeners from our show and from the PIAT, the Puzzle and Thunderstorm shows, collectively, we raised $122,000 for charity. We had the opportunity to meet Keith. He's the guy that started and runs Modest Needs.

I almost said Vulgarity for Charity. Modest Needs. I almost said Vulgarity for Journey. Modest Needs. And, you know, he told us that that $122,000 basically funded two months of their operation. Well, this year,

the same anonymous donors agreed to match up to $100,000. So we have the potential to do, like, an astonishing amount of good. Yeah.

Like a real, genuine, holy shit, stop the presses amount of good. Like a real, genuine, holy shit, stop the presses amount of good. I am fucking so excited to be mean to be kind. Yeah, exactly. To be cruel to be kind.

So start as soon as you hear this. You can go to modestneeds.org. You can donate. Send proof to vulgarityforcharity at gmail.com. Tell us who you want roasted. We'll get started on the roast. Let's start getting these donations in. Let's start this drive early. Let's start strong. Every dollar is worth $2. Every single dollar you donate is worth $2. And it's not even a Ponzi scheme to get it. I know. It's actually true. Yeah. Like Bernie Madoff is not the anonymous donor.

Ponzi scheme to get it. I know. It's actually true. Yeah. Like Bernie Madoff is not the anonymous donor. I'm pretty sure what's killing the crops is this Brondo stuff. The Brondo's got what plants crave. It's got electrolytes.

What are electrolytes? Do you even know? It's what they use to make Brondo. Yeah, but why do they use them to make Brondo? Because Brondo's got extra legs. All right, so we got to talk about this story. This story comes from Inforum. I almost read this as Inforum.

Inforum. That was last week. That was last week with the guys who talk about Info Wars all the time. David Michael or whatever that guy's sweet voice was. David Michael. He totally sounded like David Michael. Blast from the past. Oh, Jesus.

All right. He's dead now. With Beats. No, he's probably not. He should be. He might be. He almost certainly should be. All right. So with Beats still in the ground,

farmers pack in churches to pray for better harvest conditions. Dropping them Beats. Oh, when they're blinded, they're sick beets. The problem is they can't pull them out because they're fat beets. It's too fat. The beet's too fat. Oh, man. That's good shit.

You got to get them while they're fresh beets. Fresh beets. These beets are so fresh. So this is pretty great. So, you know, there are places in the country where the harvest is shitty. Heavy rain, snowfall, all kinds of problems. Now, one of the ways you could address that would be to, I don't know, vote for leaders that will address the climate change issue.

That is absolutely crippling and will continue to devastate our farming and agriculture. That's one thing you could do. It's option one. You put that over here on the side. The other thing you could do is go to church and wish at the sky real hard

that your plants grow better. One of the things they said, they said, it's all dependent on mother nature and the man upstairs. And I was like, I think, I think he's kind of given up

on his downstairs neighbors, to be honest. And I don't think we're getting our security deposit back. Like, it's so funny because you're just like, yeah, look at the man upstairs. I kind of wonder,

like there's a part of me that wonders, are we going to have to in the Midwest if this sort of thing is the new normal? Because I don't know if it is or not, right? We don't know. It could be a five-year trend, right? But it feels like there is a new normal here in Chicago, which is a cold ass winter,

cold, wet, shitty winter that's nine months long. And then a very brief cold summer. And that's been the sort of- You've had that for a while now. For about five to seven years, it's been about that. It's been basically like what happens.

So I don't know if it's the new normal or not. It could just be like a five-year trend, right? And then it goes back to where it was. Maybe there's a possibility. But if it is the new normal, they'll have to, we're going to have to figure out some technology to figure out how to harvest. You know, maybe, I don't know, it's like a fucking

Columbine with fucking galoshes on it or something. But whatever it is. Well, I don't want to repeat a Columbine. Yeah, definitely. A Columbine? I've got a Columbine. But yeah. Oh, I mean, it depends on how apocalyptic it gets, I guess. It could be a Columbine. But yeah. Yeah. Oh, I mean, it depends on how apocalyptic it gets, I guess. It could be a Columbine.

I do like in this article, too, that the guy says it's a perfect storm of low prices and high costs. And it's like, yeah, and, you know, trade wars with China,

which are crippling our agriculture exports, right? Yeah. Well, that's what he said. Well, let's go to church. Yeah, shitty. And, you know, like, look at how much we're having to subsidize these farmers, too, now. Oh he said. Well, let's go to church. Yeah, shitty. And you know, look at how much

we're having to subsidize these farmers too now. Oh, yeah. That's what's going to happen is that the only way you're going to be able to keep that fucking rural vote is if you subsidize them.

Because if you didn't subsidize them for the losses that you're going to incur with this trade war and also with the climate change, then they're never going to vote for you.

So in other words, if the free market were to decide, if the free market were to use capitalism, for example, which don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating an unfettered free market capitalist society

because it would crush these people. And I need them because I want to eat food. I like beets. Right? I just think it's so funny that these guys are like, well, you know,

the free market and capitalism and the American dollar. And it's so funny that these guys are like, well, you know, the free market and capitalism and the American dollar. And it's like, really? Because someone's paying you not to grow stuff today. I know, I know, yeah. Like, it's like, what are you fucking kidding me?

Yeah, that's so true too. And it's so funny too because it's all the people in the world who catch this, this, you know, fuck socialism, fuck this. But the moment they need help, the moment they need to be

some governmental safety net, they're the first ones to be like, yeah, absolutely, let me get it. Yeah, I need the food stamps because, you know, the crop didn't come in this year. But I'm different than those other people.

I don't want Medicare for all, but I definitely want Medicare for me when I'm old enough. Right. Fucking A. Fucking A. Yeah. I'm here in Missouri,. Fucking A. Fucking A. Yeah. I'm here in Missouri, or as you may know it,

Iowa or Ohio or East Dakota. The Midwest is home to such large corporations as General Motors, Target, McDonald's, as well as your Facebook friends that keep trying to get you to buy into their not-a-pyramid scheme company that is definitely a pyramid scheme company.

Who hits accept on that? I don't know. Who wants updates from the fucking Missouri Journal or whatever the fuck this is? All right, this story comes from KansasCity.com. In other words, Kansas City has a website, guys. That's great. They have to do it outside of the state, but yeah.

Missouri health director kept spreadsheet of planned parenthood patients periods. That's hard to say, actually. I really only picked this story for the alliteration. Planned parenthood periods.

I was born on a pilot ship. Oh, man. All right, so I'm actually going to read a little bit from this article. Oh, yeah, yeah, no, yeah, this is good shit. This is good shit. The Missouri State Health Director, Dr. Randall Williams,

testified at a state hearing Tuesday that he kept a spreadsheet to track the menstrual periods of women who visited Planned Parenthood, an action that one lawmaker has called on the governor to investigate. They actually wound up tracking newlyweds' bedsheets to see if they consummated their marriage, too. They had very, very busy bodies there in the state of Kansas. A fucking spread. There's an app for this.

There's like fucking period. You should have just downloaded like 10,000 instances of different period trackers onto his phone. What the fuck, man? This is so creepy. Like, part of the reason I grabbed this story

and I grabbed it right by the pussy, which was bleeding at the time. Absolutely. It's easy though because it's got a string. It's just. You know what I like about us?

Yeah. We're classy. That's what I like about us? Yeah. We're classy. That's what I like about us. It's we're classy. I grabbed this story because it's like, these fucking Republican nut jobs are always like, I don't want the government meddling in my business. I have an Excel spreadsheet of when your crotch is bleeding.

I know when you're supposed to be in the tent in the yard. Okay. Equals some B4J9. Hey, you're ovulating. You know, I can't even. I can't fucking even think of an equivalent that a dude could have. No, right? Maybe like you have to wear like a sandwich board which says the last time you got your last prostate exam.

I don't even know. Like I literally cannot. There is no analog. There's no analog. I was racking my brain. I'm like, what the fuck would possibly happen for a dude to be shamed like this? What on earth? You know, and first off, shaming someone for a period is ridiculous as it is, right?

That's a silly thing to think about. But the idea that like, like we're going to like keep track of this so we can then take your rights away more and like prove shit that like, like Planned Parenthood is bad. Like that's a, that's a whole new level of violation of people and taking away their rights. It's just, I mean,

it's like a fucking twister. I don't think that it's not to be expected in Kansas City. No, I get it. I get it. In Kansas City, if the worst thing that happens to you in Kansas City

is that the governor knows when you're fucking bleeding. That's a good day in Kansas. Is he walking around just sniffing? Like, I can smell your blood. What kind of creepy shit is going on in Missouri? What is wrong with you fucking people? I don't even know.

I was reading this, like the whole time I'm reading this article, my mouth is wide open. Genuinely, what the fuck is wrong with you? I'm trying to imagine when he's like, well, I got to write, this is too much to write down. I need to start a spreadsheet.

I need a database. God damn it. I need a guy on this. He's like, at some point, he's doing the mundane task of building a spreadsheet. Like, okay, I'm just going to put the names and the column heading and then period date. And then at some point,

you're going to have to look at that spreadsheet and be like, no, this is weird. I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be doing this. Why am I doing this? Thank God we have some kind of like modern technology though. And it doesn't have to be like a string of beads or something that he's using to figure this out. It's just like collecting, it's like giving the garbage collectors go out and like collect tampons in the trash.

I know, right? Like it's seriously that invasive. It is super, it's crazy invasive. It's wildly, horrifyingly invasive. It'd be like if somebody was like, all right, we're going to go ahead and keep track of the corn in your shed. Like, what are you talking about? I just genuinely like cannot figure out. Like when I heard this, I'm like,

you might as well just stand outside, have a guy with a clipboard, make people drop their pants. Like that's how it should, like, I mean, it's just unbelievable. And then what's the reason that they're keeping this? Like what is the reason that they're keeping this? Like, what is the reason? So they were trying to keep track of failed abortion attempts, basically to make Planned Parenthood look bad. Right.

They're trying to discredit Planned Parenthood to take rights away from women. Well, the best way to take rights away from women is to be intensely, crazily obtrusive. That's so weird. Just always, you know, get out of my womb. Literally, get out of there. What the fuck?

Yeah, exactly. Jesus. Is there a way that we could just, like, force them to leave the union? Is there a way you could just be like, you know what? Nobody goes there. We're just going to put a big fence around that. Do you ever think winning the Civil War was more of a loss?

Right, it really was. It's like, you know, you win some, you lose some. I feel like we lost some. Yeah, right. Did we cut off our nose to spite our face on that one? Maybe we should have been like, oh, you guys are leaving. Anyway. I literally could not believe this story when I read it.

It's fucking crazy. I couldn't fucking believe it. It's fucking crazy. I do want everyone to feel comfortable. That's why I like to talk to you about Jesus. It doesn't matter if you're religious or not. Does anything make you feel more uncomfortable than some stranger going, I'd like to talk to you about Jesus.

You can say that to the Pope. I want to talk to you about Jesus. You'd be like, easy, freak. This story I just grabbed because I love this story. This is amazing. It only barely fits the show I know it's amazing but it's so fucking great

so good alright this is from people.com man I love this so much man wearing Jesus saves bib collapses during race is given CPR by a man named Jesus

Jesus yes I love it guys running a 10 mile race this is exactly what it sounds like guys running a 10 mile race by a man named Jesus. Jesus. Yes. I love it. Guy's running a 10-mile race. This is exactly what it sounds like. Guy's running a 10-mile race. Has a fucking cardiac event.

He's wearing the Jesus saves bib and some dude named Jesus rolls up and saves him. And it's amazing. It's so good. It reminds me of the meme where it's like, everybody thank Jesus for the food and it's one guy in a field. He's like, you're welcome. It's so good. It reminds me of the meme where it's like, everybody thank Jesus for the food and it's one guy in a field.

He's like, you're welcome. It's the guy, like it's like one Mexican guy in a field, like gracias or de nada or something. So fucking awesome. It's irony week in the news though. Did you happen to see the story this week where it is, again,

it's only tangentially related to the show, but like on the MTA in New York, somebody saw a suspicious package, and they called in the suspicious package, and the suspicious package turned out to be a suspicious package detector. I totally agree. That's amazing. They had this thing that was there to like help people better report suspicious packages.

Right. They mislabeled it and some fucking goober left it on the train before installing it. That's amazing. So somebody saw it and was like,

well, that's suspicious. Called it in. It's so great. This is so great. It's so great. This is good. Some days it's a good time one. Some days it's a good time one.

It's such a good time. Unlike, unlike Jesus though. Yeah. This guy is real. Well, is real and sometimes this hey this one is such a good time unlike unlike Jesus though yeah this guy is real well is real and also doesn't

like doesn't take all the credit for himself like he's like oh no there's a bunch of people there right right I did

you know I did a little bit but I didn't do it all you know I didn't fucking like you know and so it's it was a nice like to hear the way he talked

was like really refreshing it was just like like no I just saw somebody down. I, you know, I'm a nurse. I ran over. I immediately flipped him over. The guy's heart stopped for like 10 seconds. And I guess, you know,

if you want an authority on something being beating, then Jesus is a perfect authority for that. But who knew Jesus would be so good at cross country running? You know what I mean? Right? Who knew?

Who knew? Who knew? Somebody knew? Who knew? Somebody. Jeez. Jesus knew. His employees. Don't buy. We did it, Mikey.

We're super rich again. And I'm going to buy a car. The Volvo. Lindsay, you're not going to start spending money. And this is not a Volvo. Oh, that's from sitting on the car pier.

This story comes from abcnews.go. Go abcnews i guess dot com uh christians want belgian opera's naked joan of arc band now when i first read this i was like man a whole joan of arc play where just they're naked the whole time it's kind of awesome actually when i was a kid when i was a little kid and like i didn't really understand how like sex worked at all so I was like 30 I had two children 30

35 yeah so I thought dirty movies were just exactly the same as regular movies but all the actors

were just naked to be like watching Godfather or something just everybody's naked. Al Pacino's Johnson's hanging out the whole time. I didn't know they were like supposed to be fucking. But I knew they were naked.

That makes perfect sense to like a five-year-old mind. Yeah, that's probably about how it was. Like, oh yeah, it's a dirty movie. Just where everybody is. Everybody's naked. So I was like, when I first read this, I was like, it's like Joan of Arc, but just a dirty, dirty movie. Right, right. like, it's like Joan of Arc, but just a naked movie.

Right, right. Well, it's not like that. It said, like, at one point in the play, after she's, like, burned alive, I think she's just topless. I don't even know if she's entirely naked. It wasn't clear from the article to me whether she was. And the fucking Christians, I love this, they're all, like, worked up about this. And I'm thinking, like, and they're like, well,

we find this offensive and you know, and I'm like, the part of it you should find offensive is when you burned people alive. When you torture someone to death. Right. But they like that. But that's like, the Christians like the tortured to death part.

They're fans of it. They wear a cross. Okay. You know what I mean? You got me there. They're quick. they're cool with that right they're like that's not the offensive part the offensive part is you might see a titty that's the offense also like like do you not know the story of joan of arc because at one point they

say in which the heroine appears dressed in men's clothes and at one point naked and first up a what's men's clothes what does that even mean anymore because like you could maybe make an argument that there are women's clothes and not men's clothes but there's definitely like like like i don't know a sin like unless it's like a fucking banana warmer or a ball holder or something like i literally can't think of something a woman can't wear that a dude can you know what i mean like it doesn't make any sense and that's what you're upset about like do you not know history do you not know how she had to fucking like pretend she was a dude to like like that's like a history like that's the story man if you don't do that

you didn't do it yeah you didn't do the story she didn't have fucking like tits tit armor pieces she wasn't like a fucking she wasn't like a fucking mortal kombat character with a fucking cleavage hanging out let's fight this exactly exactly she wasn't wearing a fucking Mortal Kombat character with a fucking cleavage hanging out. Let's fight this back. Exactly. She wasn't wearing a fucking chainmail bikini. What the fuck? What are you talking about? Do you not know this?

Like, what the fuck is happening? Like, and they're like, oh, we're really mad she wore pants? Like, are you serious right now? Right. They're like, you're mad about the wrong part of the story. The part of the story that's atrocious is when a human being was set on fire. They light a person on fire while they're like, you're mad about the wrong part of the story. Fucking idiot. The part of the story that's atrocious is when a human being was set on fire. Yeah, when they light a person on fire while they're alive.

And they're like, well, all right, that part, that's fine. Because it's that bizarre dichotomy of religious nutbags where they're okay with... There's no level of violence to which they're not okay with. I know. But sex, they're just like, I don't want anyone to know that it feels good when your pleasure center gets touched a bunch. You know? Oh my God, what if you saw,

I would hate for somebody to experience. What if somebody was on mission control down there? Oh, it happened. What if somebody were to enjoy that? Well, I don't want to see that. I'd rather see somebody in terrible agony. We're definitely, we're seriously, we're still like that. We're still like that.

Do you remember that movie about the TV ratings with the Christian people that control the TV ratings? That's the same thing. It's like you could have somebody's fucking like, somebody could like fucking like shoot somebody's face off their head and then eat part of their stuff with like a fork like their face with a fork and that would get like a pg-13 but if there's like a fucking johnson in it it's nc-17 yeah well i mean your joke about mortal kombat's a great joke right like my kids play mortal kombat

right and in mortal kombat they like rip the fucking skull somebody tear your fucking spine out beat them with their spines and shit. But if you had the same game where somebody's like, I'll give you a handjob. I would play that Mortal Kombat game. People would be appalled. Yeah.

People, seriously. I would be just as depressed with the handjob as I would if somebody pulling my skull off my body. Brutality. It's like, oh. Really?

Really? you know what I got just it's fine I'll just do it I can do it I can do it when I was

I was in college and the Joan of Arc movie with Mila Jovovich came out I watched that and I took I was like excited to see it

because it's a history movie and you know I want to go see it and my niece was sixth, seventh grade at the time. Young, very young. And I don't remember if it was an R-rated movie or not. I can't remember.

I believe that it was. Yeah. But I was in college, so I could take her. So I went and bought the tickets. And I thought it was a violence R, so I didn't pay much attention. It was not a violence R. Within the first five minutes of the movie,

a woman is stabbed through the chest, pinned to a door with a sword, and someone rapes her corpse. I would say that's a violentar. I would say that's a violentar. And I was like, the whole time looking at my niece, and I'm just like,

maybe you shouldn't be here. And this is all my fault. This is a long movie. Jesus. I keep thinking to myself, like for the rest of my life, I'm just like, I clearly fucked her up with that movie.

Like I made a huge mistake. I wanted to see that movie. And I'm just like, this is not a good thing. Maybe you should close your eyes. Maybe we should go get red vines and out of here. Couldn't believe it. It's like the most disturbing scene you could possibly imagine your fucking 12-year-old niece to see.

It's so terrible. All right, y'all. Hashtag preaching everywhere. I won't get that back. I'm going to get that if you do that. Yes, I'll take a tall, nonfat, extra hot vanilla chai tea latte, please. That'd be all right. Would that be all right? All right.

Thank you. This is my favorite. Oh, this is great. This story comes from pinknews.co.uk. Homophobic hate breacher drowned out by street performers with saxophone. I want to play a piece of this just for you. I want to play a short clip of this guy getting drowned out. Because it's genuinely, it's like, it's like, it's the most amazing shit. It's chaos.

It's utter chaos. So what's happening is this guy's on this little scooter-like thing. It's the best thing. And he's one hand driving the scooter. The other, he is's the best thing. And he's one hand driving the scooter. The other, he is playing the saxophone and he's just driving in circles around this guy

and he can't say anything. It's genuinely my favorite shit. So there's two other instances of this that I've seen that are just so great. This week, there was a Trump rally here in Chicago.

Trump came to visit Chicago, said it was a disgrace to the United States and I was like the United States. And I was like, badge of honor. I was like, badge of honor. That's awesome. I love it when he thinks something's a disgrace. Because that means we're doing something right. So it's only,

the disgraces so far that I'm aware of are Baltimore, all of California, Chicago. Yeah, Chicago. It's a huge amount of the population. It turns out a lot of people that didn't vote for him are the disgrace. Oh, weird. Let's put those in a bucket. But they have this thing

at the Trump rallies here in Chicago. It's called Sousaphones Against Hate. And so a bunch of people will have their tubas and their trumpets and it's a marching band.

And they march and just march with the group and they just play music and it says sousaphones against hate and they'll walk around and it's the best shit ever. I love it so much. I actually took a video of it and posted to our Facebook page so you could check it out there. But I was at the Trump rally this week and at the Trump rally, um, there was two, uh,

one guy with a MAGA flag and a MAGA hat. He was on the other side of the barricade. And there's like 2,000 to 4,000 people on the other side protesting in front of Trump Plaza. And he's running back and forth with the flag. Now, this was when they just had the sidewalk closed off in front of Trump Plaza.

Then they opened up our lane, the one lane. It would have been the westbound lane on Wacker, the upper Wacker. They closed the westbound lane down and moved the barricades back. He's still running back and forth to this flag. As soon as they opened it up to where there was just a one barrier in between us and not a full lane of traffic, I didn't see that guy again. I also saw two people standing there with hastily written signs that were like made

by Mrs. Johnson's first grade class, right? They're like the worst, like not even cursive, just like terror. Are they George Soros quality or no? Not even close to George Soros quality. That's where you guys got to pick up when you were Republicans. You need to get yourself a George Soros like donor so your signs don't look so fucking terrible. They were on cardboard.

And it was just two people out there to say like, Trump is your president or whatever. And they were on the other side and there were people arguing with them or whatever. And the only other person I saw that was anti was someone wearing a Blue Lives Matter flag. An anti-anti. But they were inside the group

and they had the Blue Lives matter flag on their back. And I don't think anybody recognized it was blue lives matter. I recognized the blue lives matter. Cause I quickly looked at it. I said, I said to Sarah, I was like, is that a blue lives matter flag? And Sarah's like, I don't know the difference. And so I pulled up my phone. I looked at it. I was like, that is a blue lives matter flag. And as soon as I said that this dude with an anonymous mask and like a fucking MAGA hat, that's been like all scratched out and shit. And it's fucking big resist on his back. He walks up and he chewed that lady out.

Like he's like yelling at her and he's like, fuck you and fuck that fucking thing and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I didn't see her after that. She got confronted once, but she was walking around with it on, like trying, I think she was trying to get people,

but the moment she was confronted, she immediately took off. There's supposed to be a couple arrests there, but it was super peaceful. Really just people, just a bunch of photos that I took, a bunch of people with like, you know, like a bunch of,

like there was a pinata, but it wasn't a noose pinata. It was just hanging from its head. It didn't have a racial overtones. It didn't have a racial overtones. So, but it was actually really, really a cool little thing. But the sousaphones against hate were there.

Do you know what I love? We call it a Trump rally. It's an anti-Trump rally. I just think that's amazing. You're just like, I'm going to a Trump rally. Everybody knows it's not the good one. He holds rallies in a

place that you have to get a ticket. If it's an outdoor... I don't remember this amount of protesting ever in my life over just the fact that the president's in town. He's just in town. And it's just like, fuck that. He's somewhere I don't like him. Obama was in Chicago

all the time. Obama would come into Chicago and you knew it because they'd shut roads down and they'd transport him all over the place. He was in Chicago a lot. And I don't remember any protests against him. Chicago's a blue bubble though. So I don't know if they did that anywhere else, right? I don't know, but I know for sure,

and I think the reason why is because this president is so egregious and doing everything wrong at every step of the way that it's just, he's the worst. And so everybody, nobody wants to forget. And I literally left work for 30 minutes to go protest and then go back to work. Right. I was like, it's worth it. It's worth it to walk down the street, go to Trump tower, stand there, do a couple of chants with people. There was a bunch of people from the teacher's union took part of their day to come down too.

So there was a bunch of people in the, in the teacher's union red that they wear and the shirts and they were down there too. And so, you know, there's just a bunch of people there that are all just like in the same wavelength. Like, fuck this guy. Right. You know, like this guy's doing some shit that needs to be called out. I also, you know, Sousaphones Against Hate brings back another memory too. Do you remember the KKK rally? Yes.

Where the guy with the tuba where he's playing the dumpy songs as they walk. It is genuinely like that. The saxophone thing, that is, in my opinion, the pinnacle of what you need to do to these people. Make them a comedy. And you turn them into instant comedy when you add those, like that goofy tuba sound or this guy with the saxophone.

Benny Hill music, whatever. It's perfect. This is the best way to handle this guy with the saxophone. Benny Hill music. Yeah, exactly. It's perfect. This is the best way to handle this guy and this was amazing. This video is so worth a watch. Yep. Time to dust off

an old crowd pleaser. Aye there, who has me potato? Nickface. I drink all night, I drink all day, I punch me wife the Irish way.

Ha! Go to the bar, spend all our queen, my wife stays home and has another kid. Got ginger hair, I'm a Catholic, I'm a drunk potato, I've been dirty mixed. Judges, two tens and oh, a zero from the esteemed gentleman from Donegal. Seemed to be a crowd pleaser, but we do need to be sensitive to all the white races. This is fucking crazy. Jesus Christ. Right wing watch.

A Virginia GOP sends racist mailer attacking Democratic incumbent. So, holy shit. Like, this is not something that happened by some fringe group. That's why I wanted to talk about this. Yeah, no, it was by the guys. This is the GOP. This is the Republican Party of Virginia. They sent out a mailer

attacking Delegate Kelly Fowler of Virginia Beach. They depicted her, she's Mexican and Filipino. They depicted her as a criminal gang member. They have her holding up, they Photoshop her holding up a sign that says illegal immigrants are welcome here

in front of a scene of a bunch of people walking, like clearly like immigrant, like the immigrant hordes. Yeah, it says here, it says a large number of brown skin people walking in no location or context in the photo noted. And at first I thought, wow, that's shitty. And then I thought, you know what?

They don't need any context. It could be a picture of fucking, a sepia toned picture of the set of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and they wouldn't like it. You know what I mean? Like seriously, because if it's a brown person, they don't like it. Right, right.

It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what the context is. Yep. And then on the other side, they Photoshop are standing next to a bunch of fucking gang members, like tattooed up MS-13 gang members. Can you read, though? Okay, so they're tattooed. These guys are tatted up. They got

face tattoos and a bunch, and they look all thuggish, right? I want you to read, Tom, the three bullet points on the back of this thing. Kelly Fowler openly welcomes illegal immigrants into our community, putting our families, wrong families, safety at risk.

They don't even have a copy editor. Oh, you're right. Yeah. It's the wrong families. Yeah. Yeah. Kelly Fowler voted against overriding Governor Northam's veto of sanctuary cities. And Kelly Fowler supports free in-state.

See, the copy editing, again, like the capitalization is all weird. Yeah, this is super weird. State tuition is weird. Like, it's... Why capitalize that? Why wouldn't free... Okay, yeah.

Kelly Fowler... This is so... It's actually harder to read. Okay. All right. Okay. Kelly Fowler supports free in-state tuition

for undocumented asylum applicants. Okay. So, first off, what does any of that have to do with the MS-13? So here's people. The third one is my favorite. There's asylum applicants.

What an asylum applicant is is somebody who is going through something in their country with enough problem to leave their country. Something that they are seeking asylum for. Seeking asylum because they're being persecuted. There's threats of violence.

Something like that is causing them to seek asylum in the United States. And we have accepted their application and let them into the United States so that it can be reviewed probably, right? And she wants to give them free in-state tuition and that makes people

angry. Somebody who is being persecuted so badly in their origin country that they have to come here because they're fucking being like literally being persecuted for something. To be fair, now they can come here and be persecuted. Right. For something different. Exactly. Yeah. now they can come here and be persecuted.

Right. For something different. Exactly. Yeah. Now they can be associated with MS-13 gang members. Right. Because that's what you're doing with that image.

You're literally drawing an actual equivalent. Exactly. And I love the idea that like giving people an education is not a social good that we want to encourage. Right.

It's like, well, they could come here and get educated and then be a productive member of our social economic system you're like all right oh okay that's literally what i'm hoping my kids turn out to do it sounds like a nightmarish hellscape that you are describing to me right now free education then what are you gonna do get a good job oh and then you'll just make the GDP of the whole country go up. Yeah. Yeah.

Don't even get it. What the fuck is wrong with you? Yes. And all this is is that selfish bullshit of like, I didn't get it. I didn't get it, so I want somebody else to get it. You know what I mean? It's like, well, you're not as deep of need. Yeah.

Like, this is a person who left everything. You didn't leave everything. You're still here. Here's the fucking test. Trade your life with them. Trade everything you have. Trade your fucking big, ugly pickup truck

that's rolling coal, your fucking gun rack, your dumb ass dog, your bitch wife. Trade it all. Trade it all to be a fucking asylum seeker because you won't do it

because you would never do it because it sucks, man. You won't be like yeah man you get free tuition i'll trade my entire fucking house and all this other shit that i built up my entire lifetime i'll trade all that for free in-state tuition you'll never trade it for that no it's like the same reason people get mad when they like we should house the homeless like fucking i should house the homeless i had to fucking i had to do all this shit it's like well then trade it become homeless

and get a free house see how that works for you you're not willing to do that then shut the fuck up I'll never understand the idea that like if I have it hard you should have it hard too

what the you know what hard it's more you know what makes the world better is if I eat shit you eat some shit too.

Then we both ate some shit. That's stupid. It'd be like if I said, Cecil, I'm having back surgery, so you need to have back surgery. I know you don't have to have it. Here's the thing. I will help you. I will do what that lady did in Misery and hit you in the fucking back with a sledgehammer. I don't understand a world where you're like,

I could save you from this thing that I know I don't like because I experienced it. Like, oh, that sucked when I did it. Well, I don't want to be alone eating shit. It's the same people who are bitching about some college debt being taken away, but not all. And it's like, what I want is the people who are under crippling college debt to get away from it. And if I still have to pay my student loans,

and trust me, I got a lot of goddamn student loans still, and I will have them until I die. I am okay with it. I'm okay. I'm comfortable enough where I can make that payment every month and I'm okay with it. As long as somebody who's not in fucking unbelievable crippling debt. I mean, like we're talking about like, you know, I know what it's like to be under that kind of debt, right? I know what it's like to live like that. Back when I had more student loans, it was an interest only payment for me. Right, right. An interest only payment is, I mean, it's literally just nothing. Yeah, it buys you time. And all it does is you are buying time to try to figure out

how you're going to get up more money and get, and pay that off. Right. I was lucky enough to accumulate enough money to reconsolidate some of those loans and pay some of the really high interest rates loans off. So I'm, I'm at a place now where I'm able to pay them down,

but I'm not paying them down a lot. Right. And I'm, but I'm okay with it. Yeah. Here's the thing. I'm okay with it. Yeah. There's a thing. I'm okay with it. I'll be okay. If they, if they say, you know what, you just fall outside that bracket. Okay. I fall outside that bracket. I'll make it work. I'll be okay. But that person who's, you know, went to college, never got a really great job afterwards, wound up getting a terrible degree like me, like a philosophy degree, which is a terrible idea. And then they never got anything afterwards and never wound up in

a profession that, you know, is paying them a lot of money. And they're still stuck under that crippling debt. I want them to get out of it. I just want them to get out of it. That's all. That's all. Yeah. But we do this. We do this in every aspect of life. Like we look at, we look at like doctors and it's like, well, it's the best way to train a doctor to make them work, you know, 24 straight hours, you know,

and like, you know who I want treating me as an ER doctor who's like hopped up on vitamin B12 and fucking, you know,

energy drinks and trucker speed. That's who I want figuring out what, like, is that your heart or my heart? I can't tell.

It's just beating so hard. I can't tell. Your pulse is 387. No, you're just, okay. But like, we do this all the time. We do this for so many things. It's like, just because something sucked for you, it's like, well, I don't want to make it easy

for the next guy because it wasn't easy for me. It's like, and we don't do that for the people we love. Like, we don't do that for our kids. All the time, we look at our kids and we're like, yeah, you know what? That part of my life was suboptimal. I want to work hard to give you a better life. We're always doing that. And then as soon as we extend it one step out into the community, past the people that we love, it's like, well, you know, one time I got stabbed in the eye, so everybody else gets stabbed in the eye.

You're like, look around, like, what is happening? Why are you like this? I think that this particular, when they put her on the back with these MS-13s and they start making the equivalents to asylum seekers

and MS-13 members and you're just like, I can't believe that this person would do it. And they're right when they say, you know, like sometimes

there's an overblown word that they use where they'll say racist. They'll be like, oh, this racist thing. No, this is genuinely a racist mailer. Like, this is genuinely a racist mailer.

Like this is genuinely a racist thing. The only reason they do it is because she's brown. Yeah. No, she's not even, she's not even the same kind of brown. I know. They don't even care. They don't even care. Brown's brown. Just take the drop.

Like you're like, no, MS-13 has nothing to do with like that part of the world. El Salvador is just a stone's throw away from the Philippines, Cecil. Buy a globe. You know, you could get there by boat, I guess. So it's right next door. Yeah, I have a globe and they're no more than 18 inches

from one end of the globe to the other. It's like right there. It's so ridiculous. So terrible. China has total respect for Donald Trump's very, very large a brain they call her pocahontas i am the chosen one you are fake news okay i am the least racist person oh look at my african-american over here look at him it's a camera grabbed by the person stop it so tom this

week in trump um we have virtually nothing we nothing. We have the very big story is that the House of Representatives has endorsed an impeachment inquiry into Trump. The vote was 232 to 196. We'll talk about that in a second. Also this week, Trump sets a fucking candy bar on a fucking kid's head instead of giving it to him

in the bag. It's the meanest shit you've ever seen. It's so mean. And then also, Trump tweets out a fake photo of him giving

a fucking medal to a dog with a little fucking paw print on it. And Trump tweeted that. It's our president tweet. That's so funny. All right. Do you want to start serious or goofy it. And Trump tweeted, that's our president. All right. Do you want to start serious or goofy?

Let's start goofy. Let's go goofy. Okay. So let's talk about that. Let's talk about the video. This video is amazing. So there's a little kid in an inflatable. He's in an inflatable minion outfit and he comes up and he's kind of bopping up and down and Trump,

douchebag that he is, looks at him and then he takes a fucking candy bar out and then he sets it. He sets it on top of the minion costume. And the kid can't even reach it. And it just falls off backwards and Melania sees that and goes, yeah, I'll

throw one there too. And puts one on top too. And it's the shittiest. It's so shitty. It's the shittiest thing you've ever seen me do. It's like when, it's like, could you imagine? Here's what I thought of. Like, you know, when you come out of like a subway or something in Chicago and there's like somebody with like

a change cup, like it'd be like you walking up and taking it down and just throwing it on the ground. Just being like, ugh. And like not giving it to him, like throwing it down on the ground and just being like, yeah, you could get that.

You could pick that up. Like the thing is like, it's a line. So like the kid doesn't get that candy bar. He's got to keep going for the next photo op. So like he just leaves.

The kid just falls on the ground. And it's just sitting there on the ground. It's sort of like putting money in front of a homeless guy and then kicking it down a sewer drain. And then knocking his cup out of his hand. It's so mean. It's sort of like putting money in front of a homeless guy and then kicking it down a sewer drain.

And then knocking his cup out of his hand. It's so mean. It's so mean. And the worst part is this. The worst part is Melania totally follows suit. It's just like, yeah, fuck that little kid.

He's just, and he like takes the candy bar and he taps it on the kids. He does. He taps it on his cat. Can I play it? I want to see it again. There's nothing to listen to, but I don't care. It's so funny. So he walks up. He takes it. He taps it on the kid's head. He does. He taps it on his head. Can I play it again? I want to see it again. There's nothing to listen to,

but I don't care. It's so funny. So he walks up. He taps it on the kid's head and then he sets it there like an asshole and they both fall off. And he just walks away.

And then he just walks away. He's just like, I'm all shitty. What the fuck is wrong with you? Just play nice with kids. Oh, Jesus. What an asshole. But this to me is just like one of Just play nice with kids. Oh, Jesus. What an asshole. But this to me is just like one of those things where it's just like,

this to me is the perfect example of like a guy who's never interacted with the real world. Right? We talk about, you know, the George W's of the world. We're like, I gotta have a beer with that guy. You could not. Like this guy, like he literally, like he is not a human being. We make fun of Ted Cruz being from another world. This guy doesn't know what it's like to be a human being.

No, no, he has no idea. Neither one of them are in touch with reality. And like, we have so given up on any kind of basic decency that we all think this is funny. I know. Obama wore a linen suit. He would have exploded.

This kid's, he's mocking children. He's mocking children. It would have been better if he like Sparta kicked him and he flew over. Nobody would even care. Nobody would give a shit.

Nobody would care. Nobody would care. You could douse him in lighter fluid. That's would give a shit. No one would care. You could douse it in lighter fluid. It's a minion running around on fire. He's just standing there. He opens the candy and starts eating it.

Motherfucker. This is amazing. So this guy that's Al Baghdadi. Is that his name? Al Baghdadi. He died this week. He got murdered by a military force. And part of that military force was a dog. And so somebody, and I think this was the Daily Caller, had photoshopped the poor guy, the original guy.

It's like an original guy getting a medal of honor. James C. McLaughlin or whatever is getting an original. In 2017, dude's getting like a genuine real one. Yeah, hold on. He gets the medal of honor for saving 10 people's lives

in Vietnam. Yeah, he gets a medal of honor and then they're like, they Photoshop him out of the photo, put a dog in there and Trump retweets it. And they change

the medal of honor to a little puppy foot. A pulperin. It's amazing. I want to read. I want to read part of it, though, Tom. My favorite part is Trump is talking and he says, our canine, as they call it, I call it a dog. A beautiful dog. A talented dog was injured and brought back.

That's a quote our president said out loud. That is such a thwack. It's a quote our president said out loud. That is such a twat. It's such a fucking insufferable twat. Oh, it's so amazing. So this is, this was- A beautiful twat, a talented twat. I can't believe that he retweeted this. Like, this is the world we live in

where fucking, where Trump is retweeting. Like, somebody photoshopped out the matter of our guy. Like, what? You thought it was okay. Why? I don't understand. The picture of this dog too.

It's a goofy. I know. The dog, you can tell, like the dog looks like it's looking at a frisbee or something. Like it's getting ready

to be like, where's the ball? Where's the ball? You're going to get the squirrel? Get the squirrel. Get that squirrel. Oh God. It's so goofy.

It looks like the cover of like a bad VHS movie. It does. It's like fucking Medal of Honor dog or whatever. We're going to make this movie. All right. So now let's shift into this more serious. Oh God. This week,

they finished their initial, they finished their initial, uh, inquiry, um, in their closed door meetings that they had to storm into to show that they had access to him the whole time or whatever last week. Um, the call was coming from inside the house of Representatives. The House of Representatives presented this vote. And this vote was to continue the impeachment. And the vote was 232 to 196 and 100% write down party lines. Yeah. So 100% write down party lines. And I think the only thing I really have to say about this is,

And I think the only thing I really have to say about this is, you know, there's an idea that a lot of Christians have, which is like, if you don't have sort of some like objective thing, you'll fall into moral relativism, right? You remember that? You know that idea. relativism, right? You remember that idea? And I feel like this is reflected in this in a big way because we're talking about, if we don't have these objective rules about how a president can act, then we fall into this moral relativist position where it's like, well, it's fine. It's fine. Trump's fine when he did it because you know they would be flipping their shit if it was a Democrat who did it. They're just okay because it's their side and they're okay with pushing and stretching their morals when it's their side, when their side is the one that's acting. And I just want to ask those Republicans to stop and think just for a second.

You already have the president who as an incumbent wields an immense amount of power as the incumbent. They are almost always ahead when it comes to the way votes fall in this country. And it's a huge gain to just be the incumbent, right? So they're already ahead. And what you're saying is, is that from now on, it's totally fine for the president to withhold aid and to coax other nations to look into their political opponents.

Because you got to take Trump out of the equation and just say it's not about Trump. It's about whether this is OK. Is this an OK standard practice? And if it's not OK, then you got to say it's not OK, period. But there is no objective level. It's all about what my, I got to go, I got to vote for my side.

And that's what this vote says. This vote says that they're saying there's nothing wrong with that. But you know that that's not how they really feel. Yeah, not really. Not how they really feel about it in a sense like

if anyone were to do it, you know, because look at how how much they bitched about hillary just hillary's emails right yeah which were investigated again right recently again which still adjudicating this like i like that is so done it's absurd how done this is yeah i i just think i just think the the problem cecil is that right and wrong don't matter anymore. They matter to you and they matter to good, decent people, but they don't matter anymore.

They don't matter in the sense that they drive our decisions around politics. What drives our decisions around politics is pragmatism around the game. How am I going to win the game? How am I going to secure the vote? How would you feel if Bill Bauman did this? I would be appalled. You would be appalled, right? I would be appalled.

Right. But I would not expect it to go different than the party line. I don't, I think, I think politics is broken right now, man. And I'd be very, very surprised. How do we fix it, though? I have no,

I have no idea how we fix it. Maybe, maybe we, Maybe we all need to decide that it's not about winning and losing and teams and all that, but it's been this way now for so long. Yeah, since the wedge issues. Since Gingrich and the wedge issues. That's where I can decide.

It's kind of aimed, you know. It feels genuinely broken. Not damaged, not on the verge of breaking, but the system honestly feels broken. It feels so broken, not damaged, not on the verge of breaking, but the system honestly feels broken. It feels so broken now. We have conversations when a new administration takes charge. We have new conversations where we hope they can get one thing done every four years.

Yeah, yeah. You know, the system- That's what that debate was talking about, yeah. It's broken. And I don't mean it's breaking. I don't think it can be, I'm not certain it can be fixed in my lifetime. I'm not certain I will ever see what I would consider a functioning government. We certainly do not have what I would consider to be a functioning government right now.

We have a skin-of-the-teeth, edge-of-the-fingernails kind of government, a holding-on-for-deer-life, patching-holes kind of government. kind of government. A holding on for dear life, patching holes kind of government. I don't think we have a big ideas, proactive, problem-solving, representing the American people government. I don't think we're ever going to see one in my lifetime.

If that's the case, then I think we could be genuinely fucked then. And I think that we might be. I think we may be genuinely fucked then. And I think that we might be. I think we may live through the beginning and the acceleration of the final decline of American might, American power, American influence. I think this is the, I don't know it, but I can't help but feel like we are in a tailspin

and that other nations are winning. China's winning. Russia's winning right now. And they're not winning a little. They're winning like a whole big lot right now. And I'm hard pressed to see how we don't continue to lose because we can't accomplish anything domestically that is valuable. It's amazing how deeply divided this is, that nobody, nobody on that side thinks it's wrong.

It blows me away that nobody thinks it's wrong. I mean, just say what happened out loud one time. Yeah. Just say it out loud one time. But they dispute that it even happened, Cecil. They dispute that it even happened. They dispute that the call happened the way that the call happened from the transcript. We are at a place where we are in possession of the transcripts of calls where we can read the words together and read them and say the same words and then decide that maybe it didn't happen that way. Well, I mean,

didn't he provide the transcript? Yeah, literally, I don't understand how it's true, but I see it happen all the time. Well, that's not really how it worked. That's not really how it played out. And you watched it happen.

We hear it. You read it. And then like somebody says it didn't happen. There's been some seriously damning testimony in this behind closed doors. I mean like some serious, some people that have been like, like there has been some serious shit

that's gone down already. And Pelosi has already said out loud, this is an ironclad case. It's, and you know, there's a lot of stuff you can bitch about Pelosi, but this is one of those things that I feel like she's probably right. But again, I don't think anything's gonna happen in the Senate. I think if it goes like this here,

there's nothing going to happen in the Senate. Yeah, it won't. I think the best case scenario is that this drags on long enough to damage his 2020 election. I don't think he's not getting impeached. No, I mean, because we don't care about right and wrong. We care about winning and losing and teams and votes. Like that's what we care about. That's the thing that matters most to America. I do want to say this out loud though, and I think people need to hear it. The reason why this is even able to happen at this level

is because people got out and voted in 2018. Yeah, all right. The only reason this 232 to 196 even can happen and the only reason they're able to do any of this kind of investigation is because people got off their ass and actually voted and they really flipped the fuck out of that house. Yeah.

You know, yeah. Was it a blue wave? Yeah, kind of was. 232 to 196 is a big, that's a big difference. It's a big gulf. And so the only reason is because people went out there and voted and so don't stop. Because this shows that elections have consequences, right?

The election in 2016 had some serious, serious consequences. You know, two Supreme Court justices, maybe a hundred appointments to federal court. I don't even know. An immense amount of hardline conservative judges to lower courts, along with two very hardline conservatives to the highest court in the land, along with a tax cut for just the rich,

a giant deficit. There's huge consequences for the 2016 that you can see and count and measure. And right now we can look and see and count and measure the 2018. Let's not neglect that 2020 needs to be just as bad. It needs to be just as much people come out as they did, if not more than in 2018.

And I will say this, for all of my prior pessimism, the demographic reality is that America is a blue country. That is the demographic reality. And the other demographic reality is that young people, the millennials, are the largest voting bloc, untapped,

the largest, most powerful voice in the country that has yet to find its voice. And that is a blue voice. And once that country finds its voice and finds that it's a blue voice, it won't switch back. Yeah.

Because the numbers are not with the red states. Yeah. They have to cheat to win. Yeah. All the numbers are not with the red states. Yeah. They have to cheat to win. Yeah. All we need to do is flip it one time. You flip the whole thing. You flip the House, you flip the Senate, you flip the presidency, you get it one time, you show the people that have the numbers that they also have the power. Yeah. You demonstrate it. Yeah. And that's a game-changing phenomenon, social phenomenon.

Until that happens, this fucking bickery bullshit is crippling us. Yeah. Everybody! Let's sing this. You spin me right round, Jesus, right round,

like a wreck of Jesus, right round, round, round. You spin me right round, Jesus, right round, like a wreck of Jesus Right round, round, round You spin me right round Jesus right round Like a wreck of Jesus Right round, sing it out This story comes from Right Wing Watch and Graham Watts.

God orchestrated Trump's withdrawal from Syria to set up the last days. I love this clip because she's struggling so hard to make fun of something or to make sense of something that she does not fully approve of or understand. It is a moment of real out loud cognitive dissonance. Yeah, that is exactly what this show is about. This entire clip is exactly as you described. So this is from the Jim Baker show. entire clip is exactly as you described. So this is from the Jim Baker show. I was asking you in the green room about your brother. We were talking about Syria and Trump and all. Trump and all? Isn't that what you give to a girl if you want to pay her $130,000?

I spiked a drink with Trump and all. Trump and all. I spiked a drink with Trump at all. Trump at all. And you commented on it. Yeah. I don't know. You know, who knows what's going on over there. But I believe.

Well, the intelligence agencies that we refuse to listen to. Yeah, right. Yeah, they know. They know. Yeah. Whether the president is aware of it or not, God has placed him in office. The Bible tells us that. They didn't place Obama in office,

but they did place Trump because God likes white guys. I love it. They always have to do the same thing. Like, look, God works in mysterious ways. And there is nothing more mysterious than this shit. Yeah, that's exactly.

And that's going to be her whole spiel. And that's what they have to do constantly because if you say it once, if you say God put him in office one time, then you've got to spend the rest of your time figuring out why God did it. Yeah, right. Because it can't be wrong.

Because it can't be wrong. Yeah, it can't be wrong. It has to be right because God did it. Yeah. But I love it. Like they're so baffled by the success of Trump that they can't be wrong. Because it can't be wrong. Yeah, it can't be wrong. It has to be right because God did it. But I love that they're so baffled by the success of Trump that they can't be like, God, the American people willed this to be.

Instead, it's like, look, I don't get it either. That doesn't make any sense. Must have been magic. Must have been God. You know, that he puts people in office and that God has used him in an amazing way to stand up for life, to stand up for the nation of Israel,

to appoint judges that abide by the constitution and the rule of law. And so- In other words, the things that we want. Yeah. I love the idea that some judges don't abide by the rule of law. Like they're judges.

That's literally what they do. Also, didn't Trump try to appoint a blogger as a judge? Like we forget these things, but he was like, what they do. Also, didn't Trump try to appoint a blogger as a judge? Like, we forget these things, but he was like, hey, isn't there a conservative blogger with like zero fucking legal history

that we should put in there or whatever? Yeah, that guy was like, I never tried a case. Yeah. I've never like- And they like,

they questioned him for like a minute and he was like, he was like, you know what? I can't do this. I can't even do this. I quit.

I quit. Yeah, Trump tried to- I passed the bar to joke with my frat buddies. Get the fuck out of here. I know. That's such bullshit. Unless the blog was called The Rule of Law. Then I'll allow it.

So I voted for him in the beginning because of the alternative. I couldn't because of the policies of the alternative. I couldn't vote for her. So God wasn't. I love that too. I'm so excited that I voted against my opponent. That's exact. Yeah. And then also like,

you weren't voting for what God wanted then because you didn't know what God wanted until he gave it to you, right? I like this guy so much. I'm just appalled by his enemies. And then I became a supporter. Now I'm almost a fan, but this last month. Still almost?

She's not even there yet. She's not even there yet. She's been trying. He's been trying to, look, he's been trying to, and he's been trying to fucking win you over for the last three years

by literally sucking the dick of every evangelical in this country. And he still hasn't won you over yet? The supporters are just like, oh God, even we. Get the fuck out of here. Are you serious?

He couldn't, he couldn't fucking bend over backwards and shove his head up his own ass more for the fucking evangelicals. Are you serious? When he's pulled back

from Syria and exposed the Kurds to Turkey, that, I'm like a lot of people, what in the world is going on? But I,

yeah, I'll tell you what in the world is going on. It's super easy. I'll tell you what in the world is going on. It's super easy. You got told to fucking do it by Putin. Yeah. It was a straight... This was a straight up gift to his overlord.

Like the guys he admires most that he gets along with the most are like these autocratic nightmare Eastern European and Middle Eastern dickheads. Yeah. Like Erdogan, like the fucking crown prince of Saudi Arabia, like Vladimir Putin,

like the fucking jolly fat man in North Korea. Like these are his best friends. Yeah. The right was screaming every time Barack Obama met with somebody from the Middle East.

It was like, oh my God, he's a secret Muslim. Yep. This guy is just handing fucking, he's fucking filling the Christmas stockings of the world's most vicious despots. And we're just like, yeah, right, that makes sense.

We're all good with that. Is there any way that we can break down any of the other progress that we made in the past in order to help these despots? You know, I don't want to be friends with Europe, Western Europe. Fuck those guys. He's only been our friends forever.

Because I believe God has used him, whether he really knows it or not. I believe like King Cyrus. It's so lukewarm. Again, it's Cyrus again. It's King Cyrus. They have to find a story that matches it where it's like, yeah, that guy was a douchebag,

but he certainly had some good, like Christian principles. So, you know, what are you going to do? Trump, Cyrus, Cyrus, Trump. Got used by God to do some good stuff, even though he was on all levels, constantly evil. So, you know, if an evil person's in charge, it's okay. Or others in the Old Testament testament nebuchadnezzar god uses them and so uh i thought has god caused him to go against all of his advisors all of the

military people and yeah that's what god has caused no he's an idiot like he's an idiot and he's a sycophant it's to other people is plant? Do you think she's a plant on this show right now? Because right now she's saying out loud every, like, you know, like he had to have some reason to go against all, every person that knows about this stuff. You know, he really does fuck things up a lot. I wonder about why God chose him,

but God chose him, but he does fuck shit up. You know, maybe God is just like, like a shitty preteen vandal. He just gotta fuck some shit up. God's old enough to be like an OG vandal, like a vandal, you know, like an old, like an actual vandal.

Right. And done something that God wanted him to do, whether he knows it's God or not. He just, maybe he was just bullheaded or stubborn or somebody rubbed him wrong. But anyway, he pulled us out. Now you got to pay $330,000 to rub him right, so. And the thought occurred to me,

there's a war prophesied in Ezekiel 38 that has not yet taken place. And I think some of that prophecy, you know, I'm not a prophecy. Best case scenario, we get a war out of this? That's what she's saying? Is that where she's going?

Best case scenario is a war in Ezekiel 38? Best case scenario, Trump fucked this, Trump did everything it appears to fuck it up, but don't worry, guys, we'll get a war out of it. Look under your seats and you get a war.

And you get a war. What is happening? Expert, but I feel like some of that chapter mixes it up with Armageddon. So there's, you know, how prophecy does. You're going to have a verse about this and a verse next verse about another one, but it all seems to go.

And if you just pick and choose, you can basically do whatever you want. It's like a choose your own adventure book. Super fucking easy. She's my favorite. Cause she's just like, look, I look at this shit, it doesn't make any sense to me either. I know it's supposed to. You guys keep saying it makes sense.

But look, one verse doesn't mean anything to the next. And this guy keeps doing all this shit that doesn't make sense. And he seems evil on every level. It has to make sense because you told me it does. But I think about it and I think about it and it just doesn't make any sense.

She's this close to giving up her religion, right? I know. She's this close. Anyway, but there is a war that's predicted that has never happened. And when Gog, the Prince of Magog, who some people believe is Putin in Russia, and they come down from the north

and they align with Turkey and Syria and Russia or Syria and Russia. And you just said it was Magog. It wasn't Russia. Like they don't fucking. Where is Russia? Where is it? Like fucking what? Where's fucking Russia?

The Russians? Fifty one three or whatever. Was it by Thessalonians? Like what the fuck? Did the Middle Eastern fucking illiterates who wrote the Bible even know that there was a Russia? No. No. No.

They knew there was a Magog, so we got to fucking point at the Magog shit. Get the fuck out of here. Well, it's so funny, too, because you just said, I know, it sounds like something out of like a 50s sci-fi movie. You got to go to the planet of Magog. Beware the Magog. Oh, I'm reading some fucking Lovecraft again.

If I look at the Magog, I'll go mad! Forget algebra! This is crazy. So, but, you know, they do this shit where they're just like, yeah, this place wasn't around then, so I'll just replace it with another word that's in there. And it's like, you can't do

that. You can't just be like, yeah, no, well, we didn't know there was a North America and we didn't know that there was going to be a San Salvador but we'll just replace it with we replaced San Salvador with Magog do you think God will notice? get the fuck out of here

I think Magog means polar bears with samurai swords I think Magog feels like something you could probably search for on Pornhub. There's like an urban dictionary entry of like, and then gave her a Magog. You know what I mean? You need a lot of cleanup. You better get some wipes. The Sudan and Libya, and then they come up and they go against Israel. And the Ezekiel 38 says that God has done it because he's bringing them against

Jerusalem because he's going to judge them and he's going to destroy them. And so I wondered, did God move Trump to move Americans out of the way, freeing up Russia to come down like the Bible says they will? The Bible didn't say that. You just said the Bible didn't say that. Yeah, but it does say that if you replace all the things that happen with the things that you want to have happen. You just replace all the words you don't like. You can make it say anything you want. All right. I'm reading.

This is a reading from First Penthouse Letters. Serendipity. And lo, he stroked his first eye. And lo, he stroked his thigh. And then a friend who's in the news business sent me a picture of our American base in Northern Syria that the day after we left was filled with Russian troops and they had moved into our Russian base. Yeah.

Because why blow it up or do anything? Just take it. It's already there. They were like, thanks for the infrastructure. Yeah. It's like when you abandon a car and someone takes it because they needed a car. Right. Yeah. Or a

baby. Yeah. Or like if you throw a box out and a homeless person takes the box, there's like a reason they took it, right? Or you throw a homeless person out. So baby to a homeless person. In Northern Syria, so I'm just wondering

if it's like a chess board and if the pieces are being moved to set up. It's like a risk board to be fair. And somebody's getting mad enough to flip it. Maybe the last of the last days, but maybe also that Ezekiel 38 war. That is, she can't, dude. That's my favorite thing we've listened to in a long time.

She can't. It genuinely is awesome. So we want to thank our patrons. Of course, we want to thank all our patrons. We want to thank our newest patrons Of course, we want to thank all our patrons. We want to thank our newest patrons, Weston Russ, Adrian Don, Longtrout, and Mr. Hageloff. Thank you so much for your generous donations. The two people this week that get mugs

will be Don and Weston. So Weston and Don, send a message. Now, not everybody, but the two people that are getting mugs, Weston and Don, send a message to Now, not everybody, but the two people that are getting mugs, Weston and Don, send a message to ian at dissonancepod.com and we will send you out a mug to your place of residence. It is a Citation Needed mug. So you have to download the show one time and listen to it.

At least. At least one time. 100 times. We want to let people know that we are still sending out messages for the pizza party. The problem is that we want to give people time and some people aren't responding to the invites. We're trying to fill it up though.

So a couple of people said they couldn't make it. I re-sent out invites. If you haven't received word yet, don't worry. You will eventually receive either a ticket and the tickets are starting to really dwindle out. So chances are low there, but you'll probably receive a message from me soon

that says, thank you for, but we can probably receive a message from me soon that says, thank you for, but we can't, we clearly can't accept everyone. Sorry. Um, if you're a patron and you signed up, we have at this point, uh, over half the people of RSVP, but we still need to fill the room. We want to make sure we fill the room. So we're still working on that. If you get an event, bright ticket from us. Um, and you see it's Eventbrite and you've been invited to the pizza party, please RSVP. Just RSVP to it

so we know you're going to be there or send us a message and say you can't because we really need to make sure that we fill the room. We don't want to have only half the number of seats go out. We want to make sure

that everybody who has an opportunity to come gets a chance to come. Well, at some point, we'll have to call it, right? Yeah, we're going to have to call it soon. But we want to make sure that the people who've initially got tickets,

please respond as soon as you can. I think you have until noon today when this releases on Monday. But of course, patrons will get this earlier. You'll have until noon Monday to RSVP. So check your email, check your spam, look for Eventbrite. If you opened it and you can make it,

please let us know. So we got a message from Brian and Brian said, going on the local tap soon at the local watering hole sounds glorious. He sends us an image of Rocky Road Ice Cream Stout Cognitive Dissonance by Bottle Logic Brewing. Tom, you said it is a, what, a 10 point? 10.32 ABV. That is significant significant that's a 20 proof beer is it really that's a 20 mad dog 2020 that's a now mad dog 2020 is 20 i think is it 20 it's a 40 i think it's 40 proof maybe holy shit yeah because it's like it's like it's like maybe i'm wrong maybe maybe i'm doubling it it's possible i'm doubling it well 10% is high for a beer you're looking normally

between 4 and 6% wow so you fucking get hammered off that shit that is a strong drink we got a message from Jeff and he was talking about

The Family so we watched The Family and a bunch of people sent us messages a lot of people liked it so we might actually do something else if you have another

series or movie or something that you want us to watch be sure to submit it to us. But Jeff says, while listening to your review, I remembered something I thought of when I was watching it. The dude at the end who's talking about shame and the hurtful, about shame and all that stuff. He says he sounds exactly like someone in the radical 12 step groups that Jeff's been to. That's interesting. It sounds that you're right. That does sound like somebody that would be at that sort of place.

You know, there was another study recently that came out about 12-step groups that I saw again that just shows that they're just not. And how great they are? They're just so bad. So bad. So bad. So we got a message from Kyle

who says that he relives the show, but he's got to say, I'm telling you, I love Giordano's deep dish. And it's okay to like stuff. We just don't. Whatever you like is okay. It's okay to like stuff. You can like pineapple on your pizza.

You can like whatever it is that you want. It's fine. Yeah. We don't all have to agree. Yeah. It's okay to like it. I personally don't like Giordano's thick crust. Actually, to be honest, not thick crust,

they're stuffed pizza. To be honest, I think, I'm going to be real honest with you, Kyle, everything about that pie is not good. I mean, for me, for me, right? Everything about it, I don't like the crust on it. I think there's too much cheese on it. It's real goopy. It's wet. It's all the things I don't

like about stuffed pizza. But if you like that, that's great. You can enjoy it. You can like it. Same's real goopy. It's wet. It's all the things I don't like about stuffed pizza. But if you like that, that's great. You can enjoy it. You can like it. Same thing with people who like New York style pizza. If you like it, good for you. It's just not my thing. You know what I mean? Like, um, I will say too, like, like there's a couple of, I'm not a huge stuffed pizza connoisseur. So I'm like, I'm not a guy who's like, like going on trying like, is this the best one? Is this bad? I was like, I've tried a couple of them. I'm like, yeah, I guess that's passable, but it's not a thing I'm super crazy about. Um, but, uh, but I, I am in disagreement with you. Right. I don't, I don't like Giordano's. So Jeremy sends in a message about the family.

He's like, I really wanted to thank you guys for watching this. He's like, you guys explained it so well. I don't feel like I'm missing out by not watching it. You are missing out by not watching no you're fine you're not missing out at all it's really not great that's your time yeah that's and you won't get it back it's three and a half hours you won't get back so we got a message from uh this is from rosalie in north carolina and uh so there's uh someone in florida who thinks that female masturbation can apparently open a portal to hell i guess and that's you know all right that's fine it's an aggressive way to flick your b it's someone in Florida who thinks that female masturbation can apparently open a portal to hell, I guess. That sounds fine. It's an aggressive way to flick your B. It's a portal to

somewhere. Anyway, Rosalie says, maybe we can make a certain day, National Female Masturbation Day. Rosalie says, I'm game and I'm 71. Good for you, Rosalie. Hell yeah. Good for you. She says, I'm game and I'm 71. Good for you, Rosalie. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Good for you.

And she says, I make the best pizza, I swear. If I get to Chicago, I'll make you guys a pizza. Pinky swear. And it does look very good. Your pizza looks very good, Rosalie. Looks like a killer pie, Rosalie. Looks like maybe you could kill your pie on female masturbation day

and you have a killer pie there too. So we got a message. This is from Brendan. And Brendan is from New Zealand. And he said, you know, we're talking about people hitting their kids.

He said, you know, also yelling at your kids can also be a pretty bad thing. And he sent us a article about yelling at your kids and the effects it can have on children.

You can't do anything to how the hell are you supposed to abuse them? Jesus Christ. You can't make them kneel on like doll rods. Like, why even have them?

You can't choke them a little. Like, it just, you know what, I just withhold my affection. That's all. So this is from Brian. Brian sent us a message.

He wants us to answer a question for him. Hey, Cecil and Tom. I'm sure that you guys saw Trump getting booed at game five of the World Series. At first, I was delighted to see him getting some small measure of his comeuppance,

but the next morning, I was watching a liberal news program, and the host said that chanting, Lock him up, was un-American. I'm curious, what was your take? On another note, my girlfriend Laura introduced me to you guys. She's the single best thing that's ever happened to me and I can't imagine anything that would make me happier than I am when I'm with her.

Laura, will you marry me? So, lock her up, Chance. Lock him up, Chance, at the Nationals game. I'm sure you've tuned into the World Series, Tom. I haven't. I recorded it so I can rewatch it over and over. The Nationals won, by the way.

And is that? The Nationals was the place where he was booed. Okay. So when he came to the National Stadium, which is in Washington, D.C., he was booed there, and they chanted, lock him up. So lock him up is a mocking of lock her up.

Right. Un-American, not un-American? I don't even know what un-American even means. You know what I mean? Yeah, I think that's, yeah. Yeah, like that whole like terminology kind of makes me crazy. Okay, but can we just say stupid, not stupid?

I think it's not stupid. I think it's a, it is a call back to his fucking vulgar behavior. And I think mocking somebody with their own vulgar behavior is perfectly fine. It's almost satirical. Yeah, and at this point,

like at least there's something you could lock him up for instead of what they were chanting for her, which was nothing. That's the wonderful irony. Yeah, the irony of it is is that he's actually a criminal. Like that's the irony.

So I don't know. I don't feel like it's, I don't feel like it's un-American. And first off, I agree with you. That's a stupid thing to say. So I don't know. I don't feel like it's, I don't feel like it's un-American. And I don't, first off, I agree with you. That's a stupid thing to say. Un-American is dumb.

That liberal TV show, get the fuck out of here. Un-American. What are you, are you the fucking arbiter of what's American and what's not American? Get the fuck out of here.

And then secondly, of course, you know, I don't think it's, I think it's fine. I think it's perfectly fine. Otherwise you have to get like a whole committee,

like a house of un-American committees. Un-American committees. To figure that question. It's too hard to do. You got to figure it out. I hope she says yes. Keep track of her periods in a spreadsheet. Oh, Jesus Christ.

So we got a message. This is from Mark. This is my favorite shit. He's talking about Chuck E. Cheese and he's saying that he had a co-worker who fucking loved Chuck E. Cheese and he couldn't figure it out. And he said,

I was eating a Chuck E. Cheese as a child with my family and the center of the pizza, we found a giant hair clump. Like someone had pulled it out of the shower trying to throw it on the pizza. That's so amazing. That's so bad. Oh, it's so bad. Oh God, could you imagine biting into it? No, no, no, no. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, it's the worst. He's asking if we've ever had Buddy's

pizza when we visited Michigan. Buddy is considered Michigan's best worst. He's asking if we've ever had Buddy's Pizza when we visited Michigan. Buddy is considered Michigan's best pizza. Low bar, I know, which has received national attention in multiple awards. I've never been there. I don't remember ever being in a pizza place in Michigan. I always want to go to Connecticut though or whatever because don't they say like New Haven pizza

is the best in the country all the time? It always gets voted like the best in the country. There's like either Connecticut or something. One of those best in the country. There's like either Connecticut or something. One of those fucking New England states. There's like a state that they're like, this is the best pizza in the country. And it's 100% every time it's always the best. Yes. On every

single list that ever comes out, it's like Connecticut is always the best pizza. And then like there's like two places in New York and then like lose is like 10 or something like that. They'll do that, which is wrong in my opinion,

but whatever. It's subjective, which is the thing. But it's crazy that it comes up a lot. Like it always comes up like number one. So I'd like to go there to try that one. Maybe we should make a pilgrimage there. I'd be willing to go.

Yeah. All right. So that is going to wrap it up for this week. We are going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit.

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