Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 50: Wanna handle my snake?

Episode Date: June 4, 2012

Kansas pastor calls on U.S. government to kill LGBT people CHILD ABUSE: TODDLER SINGS ‘AIN’T NO HOMOS GONNA MAKE IT TO HEAVEN’ IN CHURCH Judge in ruling on blood for Jehovah's Witness cancer girl ‘Ten Commandments’ Judge Roy Moore: Secularism leads to Sharia law Splendora family finds image of Jesus in their bathroom Family counters flesh-eating bacteria with faith Indian skeptic faces 3 year prison sentence for explaining dripping crucifix Oklahoma Rape Victim Denied Emergency Contraceptives. Doctor Cites Religious Objection As Reason http://skepchick.org/2012/06/why-i-wont-be-at-tam-this-year/ A bad week for the nutritional supplements industry Serpent-handling pastor profiled earlier in Washington Post dies from rattlesnake bite Clips: Audio taken from specific news items in links above, Jesus Camp, Blue Suade, I am Woman - Helen Reddy, Quack PSA, A Few Good Men. Visit our Website at http://dissonancepod.com for all the links.

Do you want to get Cognitive Dissonance streamed to your iPhone or Blackberry? If so, download Stitcher free today at Stitcher.com. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Hey, God. It's me, John. I know I don't pray very often, but we really, really need some rain. My entire crop is, like, hanging by a thread here. And if we don't get some gosh darn rain here real soon, we are gonna be screwed.

I hope I can say screwed. Oh, hey there. What is it that you want now? Oh, God. The Almighty. We've had this really terrible drought recently. I know. I made it for y'all. I thought

y'all'd like it. You thought we'd like it? Who likes droughts? Everybody loves droughts. No. No, they don't. No one likes them. You mean I've been making these droughts for a thousand years for nothing? Maybe. Look, we'd love to just get some rain down here. Our crops are dying. Okay, then I'll just thumb it up one of them there hurricanes. No, no, no. We don't like hurricanes that much. You don't? No, it's not that. We just don't need that much rain. Should

I make it rain frogs? Well, I don't know that that's really all that necessary. We just really need to just fill up our rivers and our lakes again. I can fill them up with blood. Again, that's not all that helpful. Okay, I guess I'll just make it regular rain for a couple days. I'll give that drought back to Texas. They like me no matter what I do. Thanks, God. That's really great. You really are a merciful, merciful Lord. I know, I know.

Now be sure to cut off part of your child's penis just to show you love me. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome mat. This is episode 50 of Cognitive Distance. It's a factor of 10, so it must be important.

It's very, very important. Big fucking deal. I know that's why we're the lead story on all of the news outlets this week. Cognitive distance reaches 50 episodes. 52 seems like it would be a more relevant number. That would be a year if we did it every week, which we didn't. Which we did not.

So it is not one year. It is well after. About a month or so after, yes. They shall be put to death. That's what happened in Israel. That's why homosexuality year. It is well after. About a month or so after, yes. They should be put to death. That's what happened in Israel. That's why homosexuality wouldn't have grown in Israel. It tends to limit conversions. It tends to limit people coming out of the closet. Oh, so you're saying that we should go out and start killing them. No, I'm saying the government should. They won't, but they should. No, I'm saying the government should. They won't, but they should.

Say, I can't believe you. You're horrible. You're a backwards Neanderthal of a person. Is that what you're calling scripture? Is God a Neanderthal backwards in his morality? Is this his word or not? If it's his word, he commanded it. It's his idea, not mine, and I'm not ashamed of it. This comes from the raw story um kansas pastor calls on u.s government to kill lgbt people this might sound like a rerun

from last week this guy's not as specific so we don't have to put them in electrified fenced enclosures and airdrop food to them instead what he calls on is for the government to kill gay people in order to uphold the teachings of the Bible. I think he's a little more aggressive than last week's pastor. Because last week's pastor was like, I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to put a little fence up there because I'm a gannet. Like this guy's a little different. This guy is a gannet still.

He is a gannet. But he's not as again it as the other i mean i think he's actually more again it than the other guy he's super again he's like mega or ultra again yeah yeah i don't know which one's bigger i can't even like my brain every time i try to say again it's just like wait wait it actually kills more brain cells to say again it than it does to like you could drink like fucking everclear you could suck on a crack pipe and lose less brain exactly you can come this close to carbon monoxide poisoning and be like that's better than just again that guy's an idiot best part about this

is he's talking and he says he went on to read i'm reading directly from this raw story article it says he went on to read from leviticus and he reads, like, a man lives with another man and he shall be put to death. And you're like, wait, you're neglecting almost all of Leviticus. I'm sure there's somebody in the fucking audience who has a polyclot and cotton fucking blend on. You know what I mean? Yeah, no kidding, right? Somebody is wearing, you know, leather shoes with rubber

fucking soles. And what happens? Well, you know, that's fine. You know, I'm sure there's plenty of crops planted next to each other. Somebody in that audience might even have a tramp stamp tattoo on them or something. Most likely. I'm looking at this guy. He clearly shaves his beard.

Yeah, fucking A. You can't. Leviticus is not your ballgame. You know, like that's not the fucking well from which you want to drink. Right. If you want to, you know, nobody's using Leviticus anymore except for the super crazies because they know Leviticus is just a hate filled diatribe of fucking nonsensical, impossible to follow Bronze Age rules for goat herds. That's all it is. Right. It's not it's not like a book full of. Oh, yeah, that seems like a great idea. You know, I was wondering what to do about this situation.

And then I read Leviticus and it said, no, you shouldn't plant your fucking soybeans with your corn. And so then my neighbor did and I fucking killed him. I mean, that's no fucking of course not. I burned down his farm. I sold his kids into slavery. What? I'm just following Leviticus. We have moved on.

Like now everybody cites Romans. Like that's what everybody has moved on to for the most part. Like the hate-filled invective has moved past Leviticus. Sure. Kansas clearly has not. One thing I think is interesting about this story is he says, you say, oh, I can't believe you. You're horrible. You're a backward Neanderthal of a person. Is that what you're calling scripture? of a person. Is that what you're calling scripture? Is God a Neanderthal? Backwards in his morality? Well, first of all, I doubt you believe

in the Neanderthal. I'm just guessing here. Right, right. But if you're quoting Leviticus... Yeah, no, you're right. You're absolutely right. Neanderthal is kind of a swing and a miss for you, buddy. And I am calling God a Neanderthal. He's using the colloquial version of Neanderthal, I guess.

Right. I don't know. I meant Neanderthal in the non-specific sense. Non-evolutionary sense. Neanderthal, where it doesn't refer to an actual thing. Yeah, it's just not a real thing. You've got to think that most of these people are anti-government. Now, I'm making a generalization here, but just follow me on this one. Most of these people are are anti-government. Now, I'm making a generalization here, but just follow me on this one.

Most of these people are pretty anti-government. They're, you know, small government, don't tax me sort of people. That's just a guess. Now, poll those people and see what your numbers are. I think I might be right. But, you know, let's just throw that up for argument. They want the government to kill people?

They want the government to choose who to kill? Like, oh, well, that guy's gay. How do you determine whether or not – what if they say they're not? Be like, oh, do you kill Ted Haggard then? You know what I mean? Like you fucking – do you murder that guy? What if you were gay but now you're not gay? Yeah, what if they prayed that shit away?

What if – yeah. I mean, how does that work? Like if you were ever – do you have to be actively gay? And what does that mean? Like, do you have to be, like, do they execute you, like, mid-coitus? Like, you're actually in the process of having. You're balls deep in somebody. Like, I'll kill that fucker.

Right, or is it just that you have to have, like, sexually explicit feelings for somebody? And what do you do for bisexuals? Do you just kill half of them? Do you fucking go all Solomon and like cut that fucking shit in half? What do you do? Do you just kill their spirits? I don't know. How does this work?

You know, he does say, too, it's funny about the government idea. You know, he says, shall the church drag them in? No, no, I'm not say that. And he says that I'm not say that. The church has not been given the power of the sort. The government has. The government ought to kill them. Oh, my gosh.

You got a better idea? Yes. A better idea than God? Yes, I do. Don't kill them. Virtually any idea is better, actually. Your idea is so bad. My idea is a very common one.

It's called don't kill gay people. Hey, you know who I think we should kill? Pretty much no one. I actually don't think we should kill people. I don't think the government should be in the business of killing folks. It's like a bad business. Give me a break.

I am sure that people said the same fucking thing about during segregation. I'm sure they said the exact same thing about women back yep i'm sure they said the exact same thing about women back in the day you know what i mean like every time somebody's trying to get new rights and people are trying to push them back to where they were oh no no no no we're gonna fucking say some fucking hate-filled shit and get our fucking idiots fucking all riled up and fucking ooking and fucking slapping their palms on the ground. Yeah! I'm gonna make you go This next story is from DangerousMinds.net.

Un-fucking-believable video. This is video from a church. Where the fuck is this church? Let me look at this. It doesn't say. I didn't say from the video. I didn't Let me look at this. It doesn't say, um, I, I didn't say from the video, I didn't look it up, whatever. Um, but there is a, I'm, I'm guessing it's not New York city. I'm guessing it's not a place where there's a lot of coastal trade. I'm just

chucking that one out there, but this is, uh, this is from some church and you know, it's like one of those things, a little kid gets up on stage, and he's dressed up in his Sunday best, and he sings the words to that old hymn, Ain't No Homos Gonna Make It to Heaven. You guys remember the words. It goes, Ain't No Homos Gonna Make It to Heaven. Ain't No Homos Gonna Make It to Heaven. How is this not child abuse? Yeah, that's a good question. That's a really good question.

And you see the fucking yokels in the audience all stand up and cheer when the kid gets done. They're like, woo-hoo, you kill it, little boy, yeah! Like, you fucking hillbillies. He done did repeated the words I brainwashed him with. Oh, my gosh, are you serious and somebody yells out that's my boy oh and everybody starts clapping like you done did raised him right billy bob oh my god he's full of hate now oh man i can't believe you live in this country like you

hear something like this and and this is obviously like you say it's a brainwashing right like they just told the kid what to think and And the kid thought the kid doesn't, kid doesn't have any idea what he's saying. The kid may be gay. Who knows? He doesn't know yet. He doesn't know yet. Yeah.

No kidding. Ain't no homos going to make it to heaven. So, you know, clearly at this point, you've already traumatized your children with stories of eternal torture and fire and brimstone and this fucking mythology of hell, this mythology of eternal damnation that you've already traumatized your kid with because that's easier, right? I mean, I really think that that's a big part of it from a parenting standpoint. It's easier. Heaven and hell are easy. The best time of year, any parent,

will tell you the easiest time of year to discipline your kids is late November through December, right? Hey, Santa Claus is watching. Oh, fuck, fuck. Santa Claus is watching. It's easy. It's easy because I can call down from on high judgment. You know, you might not be worried about me getting upset with you,

but you want toys, heaven, and you don't want a lump of coal, hell. So the easiest time of year to discipline little kids is around Christmas time. If you're, you know, part of this culture, this is the same thing. It's easy. It's fucking lazy, you know, and to have a kid traumatized with this fucking hate filled nonsense about heaven and hell. And that's what it is. It's who deserves who's good, who's bad, who deserves punishment and who deserves reward. It's easy. It doesn't require you to think it doesn't require you to take a stand on anything. Hey, somebody's already done all the thinking for us, little Jim. We don't want you to strain your tiny little brain.

Just here's some fucking words to sing on a stage about people you don't know, but you certainly want to hate. Doesn't this just also remove empathy from the equation, too? Doesn't it just like like rip empathy right out? Like, I think one of the hardest things to do is to look at somebody's situation in life and have empathy for that person and say, you know what? I don't know what got you into this situation. I'm not talking about gays being bad in this case, but let's change it to something like somebody who's down on their luck, like a homeless person or something. To look at that person and be like, I don't know what happened to you to get you to where you're at. But I'm going to somehow have some empathy for you.

I'm going to think, you know, maybe I could be in your situation to exchange myself for them. Heaven and hell judging people takes that right out of the equation. When you judge someone else, you have no empathy for them. You're just like, you deserve eternal damnation. You can't have empathy. You're just like, I want you to, I think you should burn forever. Doesn't one have to assume that the, that the torment is perfect. I mean, imagine saying,

imagine a crime where you could say, I think that person should be tortured for five years without stop. That's what I think. I think that that would be a reasonable punishment for a crime. I think that they should be horrifically tortured in the most awful, unimaginably perfect way to create the maximum amount of suffering for five years. You would be a monster to suggest such a thing. There is no moral justification for a suggestion like that, which is why nobody, nobody has a law like that. There's no punishment on the planet. We even, we go to death, right? But we don't say torture. We don't have torture as a punishment. Cruel and unusual is taken right out of the equation. Because we know that's wrong. But this idea of hell, and this kid is selling it to all these adults.

It's fucking awful. Ain't no homo's going to make it to heaven. You're not going to make it to college. Ain't no hillbilly's going to make it to Harvard. Lord, we just asked it to be covered with the blood of Jesus. Open hearts, Lord. Open hearts. So see this in a bit of good-ish news, sort of.

It's good because it went the right way. This is a story from The Telegraph. Judge rules on blood for a Jehovah's Witness cancer girl. Probably the worst headline ever. That's really awkward. Basically, a little girl has cancer. She's got leukemia. Leukemia, if it's treated properly, has about a 90% success rate of being properly treated and moving on and having a five-year survival rate.

So it's actually a pretty survivable cancer. Unless the only thing you do about it is pray, which is the same thing as throwing nickels in a wishing well. Right. It is not a way to solve a problem. Hey, remember that chair you built by throwing nickels down a wishing well? No, that's not how we fix shit. Right. Well, the judge decided the Jehovah's Witnesses were fucking wrong,

and they saved this little four-year-old girl's life by forcing her to get medical or forcing her parents to allow her to get medical treatment. That's a good thing. I mean, where in the Bible does it say thou shalt not get a transfusion? Where does it say that? It doesn't say that anywhere. I have no idea. It mentions blood because human beings have blood in them.

And some Bronze Age person probably saw some broke-ass human on the ground and was like, oh, there's some blood in them. And some Bronze Age person probably saw some broke ass human on the crown and was like, huh, there's some blood in there. We better put that in that book we've been working on. It's one of those unique situations, right, where it's like, it means you don't have faith in God if you circumvent his whims, right?

But does it mean I don't have faith in God if I plant a field? Shouldn't I just sit around and wait for food to fall in my mouth? Yeah, it's like manna from heaven. Right. Shouldn't I just open my fucking gaping cavernous maw and hope desperately that like a roast chicken falls out of the sky into my face? Is that, I mean, it's kind of equally absurd to me.

Right. Why do I get to have the advantages of one? I don't have to sit outside and hope it doesn't rain on me. I build a house or I buy a house and make other people build it. Yeah, make other people do it. But nonetheless, I'm allowed to take certain life-preserving actions. But somehow this one I don't get to have. And it's just clear neglect on their part.

You wouldn't, you don't pray for anything else but health. That's the only thing people pray and then neglect to do. They don't pray for fucking food and not give them food. They don't pray for shelter and not give them shelter and hope that God's going to provide for it. Like, I just see God sitting there. It was fucking watching TV. Be like, could you get off the sofa and do

it yourself? I'm fucking busy up here. Get your own beer, you know? Go to the fucking fridge and get your own beer. You know, instead, it's like calling on him for this just seems so stupid. Even in your own weird, strange

belief system, don't you think that he gave you a brain for a reason? And let's just presume that you're in this fucking weird mindset that allows you to think, well, I'll do everything except for this. I'll do everything for my daughter except for this. And if God kills her, God kills her. Wouldn't you just be like, fuck you, God. You don't kill my kid. Don't you already distrust him for giving your four-year-old daughter cancer?

He's already on some shaky ground there. Right. You know, imagine if like, okay, let's look at an alternate. Imagine if there was an ER doctor and you're just walking by the hospital and an ER doctor runs out and shoots you in the face and then is like, hey, you want some treatment? You'd be like, well, I'm fucking from you. You just shot me in the face. then it's like hey you want some treatment you're like well i'm fucking from you you just shot me in the face no doctor giggles i do not want treatments i would like a different doctor one who doesn't shoot me in the face i don't understand why we seek sucker from the same

camp that has already created the illness. That doesn't, that doesn't make any sense to me at all. It's like, I don't know. I fucking slashed your tires. You want me to, you know,

fix your tires? No, I'll take it somewhere. Who doesn't slash my fucking tires. And it just seems so criminally stupid. It's just like, we live on a planet where you drive in a car, where you fly in a plane, where you have the ability to click a button and kill someone with a trigger.

We live in this world that is full of technology. And, you know, the wonder of science has created a, you know, a fucking buildings that are fucking thousands of feet tall. And and you are just refusing medical care for your child. What kind of backwards fucking moron are you? Look where we are. How did you get to the hospital? You live 50 miles an hour, 60 miles an hour. Right.

Like I could see an Amish person fucking refusing this. That at least has some sort of fucking sense to it. But you live in a modern fucking world. You just watch the Jehovah's Witness channel on TV. On a TV. God. Like you're surrounded. You're immersed in technology. What did you?

And you probably asked your friends on Facebook to pray for your kid. I just don't get it. Like I just don't get it. Like you are immersed. You are surrounded every day by technology. But you will pick and choose because your Bible told you not to do a certain thing or not a thing. I don't know how you look at your four-year-old daughter.

I don't know how you look at your own flesh and blood, your child, something that you love and say, I love you, but not as much. Not as much as I love God. Not as much as I love you, but not as much. Not as much as I love God. Not as much as I love this idea. And does your daughter go to hell if you put the blood in her? I don't know. And if they don't, then who fucking cares? And that's happening in our country today with the establishment of Sharia law,

the allowance of religious practices for other groups but not Christians. Free argument and debate will always come out on the side of truth so if you cut off free argument and debate then error survives and becomes dangerous we can see that in schools with the teaching of evolution 10 commandments judge Roy Moore secularism leads to sharia law so this is former chief justice Roy Roy Moore. He used to sit

the Alabama Supreme court. Not a bright guy. Not, not a bright guy at all. He made a comment that secularism, you know, secularism will lead to Sharia law in a total misunderstanding of how words and thoughts work i think he had a stroke when he said it like he was having a stroke at the time and his brain just put this fucking words in an order and he just spoke him it's unbelievable to me that somebody could possibly equate the idea of a nation moving away from reliance on a single monotheistic religious tradition to gather its moral understandings of the world. And think that somehow that's going to lead you back to a monotheistic understanding of how to gather morals from your world. We're not looking to swap one God for another. That's not what the secular community is doing.

It's not a rebellion against Christianity in particular. It's only a rebellion against the idea that Christianity has anything to offer the public sphere in terms of governance. There's no drive to move Christianity out in order to replace it with a secret agenda of another monolithic, hate-filled, monotheistic religion. monolithic, hate-filled, monotheistic religion. That is a total misunderstanding of what secularism as an idea is. It just doesn't know what it is. It's being like, what's an elephant? I don't know.

How much fur do they have? Fucking who are you? What? I like the, you know, I think it's actually, maybe it does make sense. Maybe it's one of those moments where, you know, you're so far left, you're right sort of thing. You know, so he's just like, you know, you're just so far away from everything else that you want Sharia. You're like, what? Wait, what? Nobody was saying Sharia.

In fact, most people that are, all people I think that are secular are like, Sharia is a pretty bad idea. Nobody here is thinking you know what, I can't wait until we get rid of that Christianity so we can usher in that Sharia law where they kill gays. Like we're making fun of people that kill gays or want to kill gays.

Ideas are not globes. If you go in one direction you don't eventually wrap around. Wrap around and make their way to the other side. Right. Exactly. So you can't be so far east.

It's impossible. This guy is like the Amelia Earhart of thinking, right? Like he gets in his airplane and he's flying across. He's like, I'm going to make it all the way to the other side. Fuck, I crashed. Yeah. Fuck. What I don't get, you know, and the thing is, is he should be looking at the other people.

Look at that hardcore Christian we were talking about in one of the first segments. He wants to kill gays. He's more like Sharia law than anyone else. He is embracing a Christian Sharia law. He wants that to happen. He wants the government to step in on Leviticus's behalf and kill people. And you're going to accuse the other side, the side that it doesn't want any religion at all, of being involved in somehow wanting Sharia law? You are the dumbest person

ever made. What you have, though, in this case, I think more than anything else, is a politician spouting buzzwords to scare people to not vote for the. That's exactly what it is. That's what you have. In the name of Jesus, we speak that. Hookah, hookah, hookah, chaka. Hookah, hookah, hookah, chaka. Hookah, hookah, hookah, chaka. I'm hooked on a feeling. I'm high on believing. So this next story is a short one. This is from Kron.com, the leader in Kron-related news.

Splendora family. Beautiful Splend leader in Kron related news. Splendora family. Beautiful Splendora Kron. Fuck is Splendora? I love Splendora. Who's not? I vacation in Splendora every now and again when I find out where it's at. Splendora is like an internet streaming music site, isn't it?

Yeah, I got a bunch of stations on Splendora. Splendora family finds image of Jesus in their bathroom. Well, not so much in their bathroom, but in the mold in their bathroom shower. And the only thing I can think is Jesus can be defeated by the scrubbing bubbles. The first thing that went through my head is like, wash your fucking shower. I know. It's so disgusting.

What the fuck is wrong with you? You got enough mold in there that builds up and has a Jesus face on it? Your shower's fucking dirty, man. How do you fucking wash in there? Also, it looks like, if you look at the image, it looks like the scream. It doesn't look like Jesus. It looks like that impressionist painting the scream. It certainly doesn't look like Jesus. It looks like that impressionist painting, The Scream. It certainly doesn't look like Jesus.

You know what it looks like? Filthy pigs living in a fucking squalor home that need to clean their goddamn bathroom. Right. That's what it looks like. It's disgusting. It's really disgusting. What the fuck? And does Jesus show up in, in like the most repulsive shit?

Like he's just, he shows up in like mold. He shows up in the turd you flushed yesterday. He shows up in like a bloody tampon. Like, is he showing up in the worst, nastiest places now? Jesus is like, this will get their attention. Form of mold. Like, wait, what? That's not disgusting human beings.

Oh, God. And look. Oh, my God. It's such a disgusting. If you watch this video, I want to throw up. You're cleaning your shower. I didn't watch the video. Should I watch the video?

It looks like somebody threw a fucking whole thing of that green slime from Nickelodeon against the wall. Like, that is disgusting. You are a dirty, nasty human being. And your TV, you're showing your entire bathroom to everybody on TV. You should be mortified. That's the thing that occurred to me immediately. It's like, I don't care if it was actually, like, I don't care

if it was fucking starry night. Yeah, exactly. In the mold in my bathroom. If I have that much mold in my bathroom, nobody's coming to my mold home. Hey, let's invite him into our filthy pigsty of a home. That's what I want America to know about. I want America to know that I don't know how to fucking clean up after myself. Have you always wanted to win the lottery?

Do you suffer from chronic poverty syndrome? Do you have real problems that are too much work to actually work on? Would you rather pretend to help than actually help? Prayer might be right for you. So Cecil, there's a story on CNN.com. It's kind of a sad story about a woman who went zip lining on vacation and she got a terrible infection. She got some of that flesh-eating bacteria there. And it's pretty awful shit. And her family, she's struggling to survive. And her family is crediting faith with her survival.

As opposed to the many, many doctors who are working around the clock while she exists in an intensive care facility. Being intensively cared for. That's what they do there? Yeah. Turns out. The name means everything here, I guess. What I don't understand. Okay.

I guess I kind of, I mean, I can kind of get to their rationale in some way because they say something like the doctors didn't give her a lot of time. They said something like, oh, well, you know, she doesn't have a lot of time. And then they prayed and then she got better. So instead of crediting the doctors who had said, well, she's probably going to die, they're like, oh, well, it's God who saved her. I want to talk, I guess, a little bit about diagnosis just really quickly because I think a lot of times you hear

that from a lot of people who want to get down on the medical field and that happens a lot especially if you talk to anybody who is kind of quasi or even vehemently anti-medicine when you start talking to them like oh well they gave so-and-so two years and they lived fucking 10 years um we there's a couple of factors that go into that I think one doctors lowball you all the time and I think just so that they can make sure that the people who love you and care for you can come to terms with your

possible passing much sooner than they would need to they don't highball you they don't say hey well she could live to be fucking 102 anybody can live to be 102 but you might die probably will die much sooner don't say, hey, well, you know, she could live to be fucking 102. You know, anybody can live to be 102. Right. But, you know, you might die, probably will die much sooner.

So they want to prepare you, I think, in some ways. So if there's a range between two months and 10 years, they might give you the lowball figure. The other thing, too, is that diagnoses are just that. They're not like 100% fact. It's not like they're opening your eye, looking in the iris at the fucking flashlight and they see a countdown timer. It's fucking, like, they don't fucking know.

They're guessing. They're making educated guess. Tom, I know you listen to car talk, right? I listen to car talk too. There's a segment on that show called Stump the Chumps where they give out diagnosis to all these different car problems and they call one of the people back and say, hey, were we right?

These are people talking about a vehicle, a car. We invented the car. We know infinitely more about the car than we do the human body. And we are sometimes wrong about diagnosing a car problem. And to blame it on God in this situation to say, oh, it's God. God did it. You know, they might have been wrong with their diagnosis. They might have they might have been buttering you up to protect you emotionally, to get

you ready emotionally for your daughter's passing. To blame it on God is to neglect all the people in the room doing their job. Exactly. Wouldn't you wouldn't you think that mean we live in a litigious society. If I'm a doctor and I say, yeah, you got three years and you die. It's another factor, yeah. I mean fuck that noise. I'm going to give you the worst case scenario because we live in a litigious society.

Otherwise, I could be sued if I don't tell you what the worst case scenario is. I mean that's – plus it's like – I hate to say this, but it's the basic thing you learn in any customer oriented or sales or other job where you deal with the public, right? It's under promise and over deliver. You create low expectations, even if you think you can exceed them, because then once you've exceeded those expectations, you're seen to have done more than you said you were going to do. You don't want to tell somebody, you're seen to have done more than you said you were going to do. You know, you don't want to tell somebody, I can fix this. You know, doctors never tell you,

yes, I can cure this disease for you. What they tell you is, hey, this should work. Yeah. Or, you know, this has a good recovery rate or something. Right. You know, I've had success with this in the past. You know, they don't say, oh, I got this one. Fuck that. I got this licked. Nobody says shit like that. Again, we live in a litigious society and it's, it's all about probability. You know, is it more likely that, that God doesn't care that this woman got flesh eating bacteria, doesn't care that she's already experienced organ failure, a double hand amputation, the amputation of one of her legs.

Doesn't care. Couldn't stop it. Didn't wasn't interested, but it's still keeping her on live. But only if she's on fucking medical life support. She's not alive. Kidneys don't function either. So is that more likely or is it more likely that she is responding to the medical treatments? You know, and the doctor's saying things like, well, you know, we didn't give her as much time or, you know, and the doctor's saying things like,

well, you know, we didn't give her as much time or, you know, and then she responded. Well, that's great. Some people respond differently to medicines. I'll give you an example. My dad had a pulmonary embolism a few weeks ago. He was in the hospital in a lot of pain. He was in a lot of pain when he first went in. They gave him three different pain medications, including morphine and fentanyl patches. Didn't touch the pain. Didn't make him sleepy. Didn't make him drowsy. He just doesn't react to painkillers.

You can give him a lot of painkillers and they don't. He just his body's just like, whatever. I don't fucking care about that thing. If you give me those painkillers i'm fucking unconscious like i'm fucking fighting pink elephants at that point different people respond differently to different drugs that's just like you said we're not cars right it's not god god is up there i can't fix the whole thing. Cut her hands off. Maybe she'll grow back new ones.

I can only do so much. I couldn't stop her. Why did you create flesh-eating bacteria in the first place? Jeez, man. And how did Noah collect that shit, right? You really fucking dropped the ball on that one, asshole. Way to go. Noah's like, well, fuck, he said two of everything. I've got these petri dishes of flesh-eating bacteria.

I wouldn't want to let these get wiped out in the flood. Actually, those things thrive fucking like crazy in the 40 days because there's a lot of flesh to eat. Right. Yeah. Oh, put that by the cholera and the plague. Yeah. Yeah. We need to make sure we have all those.

Oh, yeah. It's on the third shelf next to the fucking Ebola. Yeah. What the fuck is the matter with you people? Yeah. I just pray over this equipment. We speak over the PowerPoint presentations, all of the video projectors. And we'll say, devil, we know what you love to do in meetings like this.

And we say, you will not, in Jesus' name, you will not prevent this message from going out. No microphone problems in Jesus' name. So, Cesar, this story, we've been inundated, I should say, with this story. It's from Secular News Daily, but you can find it just about anywhere. There's a gentleman in Mumbai who was asked to find out if a weeping statue, it was a Catholic statue, if a weeping statue was in fact weeping magic tears of holy joy, or, as it turns out, had a sewage yuck dripping on it. It was poo water. Which, incidentally, people were drinking poo water. Suckling off that crucifix getting poo water.

I love it. I love it. It tastes so fresh. That's fucking nasty. Tastes like Jesus' love. When you put your lips around it, you're like, oh. You've got to have one of those reactions, like a vomit reaction. It's got to run through you immediately when you taste the poo water.

Aren't you like, man, it tastes like shit. I don't want to say this out. Nobody wants to say it, right? Everybody's like, if this is what heaven's like, fuck that. It's like getting invited to a dinner party thrown by people who can't cook, right? How's the food? Oh, it's so good.

Thrown by somebody who works at the sewage plant. It's more like it. Everybody's like, everybody leaves and gathers around the fucking front porch where the host can't hear them. They're like, oh my God, that was awful. That turd sandwich was terrible. This guy is in danger of being thrown in jail. That's something I don't get.

On blasphemy charges. Yeah, it's blasphemy charges, although they do say that it's supposed to be a secular nation because there's a lot of different religions that converge over there. But they're saying that it's a blasphemy charge. And they're saying in this article specifically that they should take away that blasphemy charge altogether because you can't really speak out against religion. And I don't understand how India can have blasphemy. Like in the law, like as I stated, it's just basically like don't say anything mean about any religions. You're not saying anything mean about a religion when you point out that it's fucking poo water dripping down your statue.

Right. It's not true. Like how can blasphemy – how can it be blasphemy to discover a physical truth about the world? That's like some Galileo shit. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It's like heresy.

It's like saying that you're going against the word of God. God created crucifix and poo water cannot come off crucifixes. Just can't happen. Right. Fucking – so this guy might actually face charges for pointing out that people were drinking poo. Oh, gosh. That's disgusting. Yeah, that's a shitty way to go.

So we're going to take a break and give you all the information that you need to find us on Facebook, to follow us on Twitter, to send us email and voicemail messages. And if that's not enough, I think occasionally we might accidentally post to Google Plus. Sometimes. Maybe. No, we don't. We'll return in just a moment to ruin the rest of your show. You can email these assholes at dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. For more information on this or any other episode, visit the Cognitive Dissonance website, dissonancepod.com. Like our show on Facebook to join in the conversation. Just search for Cognitive Dissonance on Facebook or go to our website for the link.

You can converse with us on Twitter. Our Twitter handle is at dissonance underscore pod. Help us out by retweeting and reposting our shows. You can call us and leave us a message at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. Long distance rates apply. Your help is fucking greatly appreciated. So Cecil, this next story is from AddictingInfo.org. Oklahoma rape victim denied emergency contraceptives. Doctor cites religious objection as the reason. This story is stomach churningly awful.

It's really quite horrible. A young woman was raped. She came into the emergency room with her daughter or with her mother, rather. And they evidently have a procedure where certain individuals weren't at the office or weren't in the hospital that day to do a full rape kit and what have you. providing medical treatment. What this woman received instead was derision and shaming and a total lack of reasonable emergency contraceptive care for religious reasons. Yeah. What happens here is somebody gets to basically judge you, judge your actions without really knowing you, and judge what happened to you, and then make a decision about your life that is a huge life decision for you. What the conservatives would call pro-life, which really means pro-fetus, to come and prove to me that that tiny little pencil point that may or may not be a fertilized egg inside of this woman is a human life. You cannot do it. You just cannot do it.

It's not a human life. It's a tiny, tiny, tiny clump of cells. I don't know anybody who really uses logic who would say that that is a human life. It's just the meeting of sperm and egg. And if it even is in there, right, you don't even know that it's even in there. And you're unwilling to help someone. And you're going to force somebody basically at that point to make a decision either later through abortion or come to terms with a child that is a product of rape. What a horrible person you are to force somebody to make those decisions. And it just compounds their grief is there's no reason to do it other than you're a self-righteous prick. And you shouldn't have that sort of say in a situation like that.

That's like going to somebody's house who's on fire and you'd be like, well, you know, I don't I don't think I really want to put it out. I think you might have started it. So I'm just going to let it go. Right. You know, that's a good point. So I'm just going to let it go. Right. You know, that's a good point. The firefighter analogy, I think, is apt because there was a time in this country when firefighters would refuse to put out fires in African-American neighborhoods or of homes in typically white neighborhoods that were owned by African-Americans. And it was a way for for black people to be shut out of certain communities, to be redlined into poor communities and to have their rights expunged. And that's

part of what this is. That's that's that's part of what this whole, you know, I'm a doctor, but I don't really want to practice medicine the way that is compassionate and reasonable and medically necessary. I want to do what's within my religious rights. And this shouldn't, I hope that this is not actually a religious right. I don't know what the laws of this state are. I hope that they don't have a right to conscience to practice medicine in this state. But if they do, that right to conscience is unconscionable because it is callous and it is uncaring and it's fucking judgmental. And it shouldn't. This sort of shit should not be tolerated to slut shame.

A woman who's been raped is is a cruelty unimaginable by any decent human being, regardless of what your your your book says. It's an unimaginable by any decent human being, regardless of what your book says. It's an unimaginable cruelty. You're right, Tom. The slut shaming is just – I've been into arguments with people, mostly on the internet because that's where you get into arguments with people mostly. You can argue on the internet? Yeah. I've been in arguments though with people who will be like – I remember one time I was talking to somebody and I think this was on the skeptics guide forums a while back.

And I was arguing with this one guy was I was said something about it was there was somebody who would who was a jackass. And they had also done something like said a woman deserved being raped or something. And I had pointed this out as like the person's a jackass, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And also they pointed this out. It was like, the person's a jackass, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And also they made this comment. And I got into this sort of argument about how when women deserve it, sort of like when women deserve it. And then, you know, my stance is always they never deserve it. And the other person was like, well, if they wear, you know, a nice outfit and they, you

know, wear stripper heels, then they should, you know, be able to be raped because, you know, you can't expect men to be able to control themselves, obviously, around women. And, you know, one, it degrades men beyond belief. We've talked about that before. But I remember coming back to them and saying, like, what if I'm just walking down the street in a suit and I got mugged because I was wearing a suit? And they're like, oh, well, I would just tell you not to dress like Rockefeller. And you're like, you're an idiot.

You're the worst type of person. And that's what you basically have is this doctor is in the feeling and this exact same thing. He's like, well, you shouldn't have went to a party. You shouldn't have gotten drunk. You shouldn't have had a drink even. You know, they have no idea what happened to this girl. She might have just fucking been walking home with fucking milk and eggs

for her fucking family and got fucking pulled into an alley and fucked. You don't know. You have no idea. But somehow we're going to pass judgment on the other people and say that they somehow deserve to be raped. That's an awful thing. It's the worst kind of victimization too because you're flipping it around. They're already a victim and you're flipping it around on them. It's a hateful, hurtful thing to do to somebody.

And only the worst type of person would do something like that. And to use a religious excuse, like, oh yeah, I've got my, this book tells me how to be a good person and it tells me what? Not to be a good person in this circumstance? Not to, not to do, you shouldn't be a fucking doctor then. You don't get that. You should not be a doctor in a hospital. It's hard though. I mean, I think you

really got to dig in the Bible to find compassion. I really do think you've got to look hard to find it. You've got to pick and choose. You've got to pick and choose. Because you certainly can't look to Leviticus and find compassion. You can't look to other parts of the Bible that are strictly against things that are bringing up these prohibitions and try to find some sort of compassion. You don't get morality from the Bible. You don't get compassion from the Bible. You get compassion from interacting with other human beings. That's where you get it.

Right. I am woman, hear me roar, in numbers too big to ignore. And I know too much to go back and pretend cause I've heard it all before and I've been down there on the floor, no one's ever gonna keep me

down again Cecil, we would be remiss since this show is a preaching to the choir sort of a show we would be remiss not to talk about the controversy that be a Bruin on the intranets these days. You can fight on the internet, Tom? Yeah, it turns out.

So there'd be a controversy Bruin. Rebecca Watson is involved. Matt Dillahunty's commented on it. I've seen Greta Christensen. Is that her name? Yeah, I think so. Also commenting on it. I've seen Greta Christensen. Is that her name? Yeah, I think so. Also commenting on it. It turns out at a lot of these skeptical conferences, there is an undercurrent of inappropriate sexual behavior aimed toward the women that attend or in many cases choose not

to attend atheist and skeptical conferences. And I think we got to talk about this a little bit. It's one of those hot button subjects. But but women are, I think, increasingly feeling more uncomfortable at events like this, because as you said earlier time, we were having a conversation about this. And one of the things that you said is like without the religious sort of ideals about sexuality oppressing people, people go to these things and feel a lot more free. So what that means is, is that men walk in there with a libido of a man and expect everybody to have the same libido as them. So they walk into a situation and say, well, I like to fuck. So maybe this girl likes to fuck. And they walk into a situation and say, well, I like to fuck. So maybe this girl

likes to fuck. And they'll say something wildly inappropriate and either get called on it or make the girl feel really uncomfortable and not want to show up again. And this is happening more and more and more. And it's a really it's a trend that needs to stop is what needs to happen. Yeah, you're right. It does need to stop. You got, you know, these conferences numbers are atrocious. You know, you look at the numbers from what I've been reading and it's something like, you know, in years past to attendees, 10% women, women are 50% of the population or thereabouts to have such a discrepancy in attendance. And a lot of hard work was done by Rebecca Watson and other

people. A lot of hard work has been done in years past, including scholarships for attendance, you know, to pay for people's trips there and everything, to try to drive those numbers up. Because any community that is rationally based should want to have an open and fair and honest discussion that includes both genders viewpoints. Sure. You can't have a rational discussion that's a fucking sausage fest or that's exclusive of the thoughts, opinions and rights of women. That's not, you know, now you're just being kind of an asshole. So I think that's great news that these events have been, that they've been pushing these sorts of drives to boost female attendance, but it's starting to creep back the other way. And some of the things that I've been

reading have suggested that on certain message boards, women were warning other women of speakers at these conventions who are behaving inappropriately. And I want to talk about this a little bit. You know, there's nothing wrong with going to a convention or in any place at all, for instance, and flirting with somebody. But you've got to have the ability to read social cues. Yeah, no kidding, right? Right? Flirting is, hey, how are you? Can I buy you a drink? And you sit down next to somebody and you chat. And you chat amiably and you see kind of where that goes.

Flirting is not handing somebody, and this is a real-life example, handing somebody a card with a nude photo of yourself and then propositioning them for sex. That's not flirting. That's being a creep. Yeah, it is. That's making somebody feel awkward and terribly uncomfortable. And now that person is going to want to avoid you. And that person is going to want to avoid places that you are because you are clearly a person who does not know how to comport themselves around the opposite sex. If I'm a person who's going to this conference,

let's say, let's use an example would be the amazing meeting, which is happening this year in July. Right. If I was going to go to this, I'm spending my vacation time at work. I'm spending my hard earned money to fly out there. I'm staying in a hotel that's costing me money. I'm paying for a conference, which is not a cheap conference. It's like 500 bones to go to this thing. Right. So you're talking about like compounding a shit ton of money just to fly out to Vegas and hang out with other people of like minds. And if I feel uncomfortable there, I'm never going back because that's a shit ton of money

to feel really weird. And one of the things you just want to drive home and be like, look, it's fine to have sex. It's fine to find somebody else who says, hey, I'd like to fuck too and have sex. It's fine to find somebody else who says, hey, I'd like to fuck too and have sex. That's fine. You know, I'm sure a lot of people have had premarital sex and nobody looks down on it there. Who would care?

Who would care about it? I don't think anybody would. But I think the fact is, is that you've got to be respectful of other people's right to say no to you. respectful of other people's right to say no to you and not just to say no to you but you got to make it so you don't make them feel weird and put them on the spot in some strange way you don't just walk up and pull your fucking dick out and tap them on the face you just don't do that nobody does that nobody does that outside of the internet okay it doesn't happen anywhere so you've just got to be mindful of what it takes to actually convince someone that you're worth having sex with or whatever. You know, you certainly wouldn't sit down with somebody and be like, you know what I'd love to do is take a giant dump in your mouth. You know what I mean?

Like, you just don't start the conversation that way. Maybe it leads to that. Who knows? But you certainly don't want to start it off with that one. You want to be a little more subtle. Yeah, there are some things you have to build to. And if you're going to have fucking naked

bits rubbing up against naked bits, most people generally want to build up some level of trust or at least mutual interest has to be established. You know, if you're so fucking shockingly immature that you don't know how to do that. And, you know, if you're so fucking shockingly immature that you don't know how to do that appropriately,

that you don't know how to flirt with the opposite sex, that you don't know how to understand when somebody is rejected, then you don't get to be out in public places. Yeah. What I think the big pushback on this is, is that people are pushing back and saying, well, I just, what, I'm not allowed to hit on a girl? No, nobody's saying that. Nobody's saying I'm not allowed to hit on a girl? No, nobody's saying that.

Nobody's saying you're not allowed to hit on a girl. Nobody's saying you're not allowed to hook up with somebody who wants to hook up with you at a conference. Nobody's saying that. But what people are saying is you shouldn't walk up to somebody and make them feel uncomfortable. And making them feel uncomfortable is being inappropriate. There's plenty of times in my life

that I wound up dating somebody because I was talking about something completely not about dating. Yeah, that's generally how it happens. Part of the controversy has been that, you know, for the TAM meeting is that one of the organizers of the TAM meeting basically put a post out that said, hey, you know, part of the reason we're not getting female attendees is that there are all these bloggers who are talking about how they feel unsafe, and so now women don't want to go. It's like, well, the problem isn't that people are talking about feeling uncomfortable or unsafe at these conventions. The problem is that people feel uncomfortable at these conventions. That's the problem. The problem isn't that people are having an outspoken conversation about it. It's that you don't have a zero tolerance policy.

You have a zero tolerance policy at work. I'm sure you do. Yeah. If you work at an any place at all, you have a zero tolerance policy for this. So I, this idea that, you know, this stems that, that the problem is that we're talking about it. No, fuck that noise. When, at what point has there ever been a problem solved by, hey, let's just not talk about that? Yeah. It doesn't ever solve the problem. Can we sweep that under the rug?

Yeah, that worked great for the Catholic Church. I'm Raymond Massey, and I have a special message for senior citizens. Today's doctors, drugs, and medical devices truly work medical miracles for young and old alike. But there are some as phony as a $3 bill. Investigate before you invest in health services or products. Help stamp out quackery. So Cecil, this next story is from Forbes.

It's a bad week for the nutritional supplements industry. The nutritional supplements industry may also be described as the unregulated, untested, unproven, possibly not efficacious industry. Which shows that, you know, vitamins and health supplements, rather than even being neutral, actually lead to an earlier time of death and more health complications rather than less. So all that money that you spend on fucking Centrum probably don't need to unless you want to not make it to centrum silver yeah this is uh this is another way in which to uh another another pushback though that's happening out of this is is the people are fighting back and saying oh well the studies are flawed and yada yada yada yada yada and of course it's the people who are you know pushing these drugs that are saying the studies are flawed. But really, we've evolved. We have evolved from fucking monkeys at this point to figure out how our bodies work.

You know what I mean? Like they work because we eat the certain foods that we eat and we crave those foods because our body knows it needs these things in which to survive. So the body can regulate itself just fine. Have a balanced diet and doing a little bit of exercise and turns out you'll be fine. But instead, everybody wants a magic pill. Everybody wants a, I want to have this thing so I don't have to worry about it. And really all you need to do is just eat normally and you don't have to worry about it. What strikes me about this industry as particularly egregious is that it's an untested industry and it's an unregulated industry. I don't understand

why it's a pill. It looks like a pill. It swallows like a pill. It has claims like a pill, but unlike any other pill, if it's marketed as a vitamin, mineral, or supplement, it doesn't have to have any proof behind it that it contains what it says it contains or that it does what it says it does. I don't understand. Doesn't everybody just – shouldn't we all be on the same page? Should I take vitamin C and how much? I don't know. Let's do a study.

Find out how much you need. Should I take selenium and how much? I don't know. Let's do a study. Find out how much you need. Should I take selenium and how much? I don't know. Let's do a study. Find out how much you need. The game should never be, hey, everybody should just take lots of supplements. Why?

I don't know. What? Are they good for you? Bad for you? Who cares? Fucking pump your body full of them. Well, what's the evidence that they work? None.

Fuck you. Take more. You should always worry about industries like that. That's snake oil sales. You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You should always worry about industries like that. That's snake oil sales. You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers. I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. This story, Cecil, comes from the everywhere. Oh, gosh. We got bombarded with this story. Everybody wanted us to talk about this one. They've probably made all the funny out of it. We're just not going to be able to make any funny. I don't know what you say about this. This is great. This is from Washington Post.

You can find it in the irony section of your local grocery store. It's so rampant. Serpent handling pastor dies from rattlesnake bite. Imagine such a thing. So evidently there's

religious groups that just play with snakes. And they say the snakes don't bite you if you're holy enough or whatever. And this guy's dad died from A, hurricane, B, heart attack while he slept, or C, snake bite? Cecil, any guesses? Hurricane. Hurricane would be wrong. Wrong. It's actually snake bite.

Was it a hurricane of snakes? A hurricane of snakes would be the best thing ever. There's a hurricane that hit the, oh, it's full of snakes. It's actually just a hurricane of snakes. This guy's own dad died of snake bite from handling snakes. This guy died from handling snakes. Don't handle poison snakes. Oh, my gosh.

What is happening here? These guys just walk in and grab a hold of a venomous snake, and then if it bites them, they're chosen unworthy, and they get to die then? Are these people against, like, do they have anti-venom, like, on hand?

No, they have faith on hand. Well, that doesn't work nearly as well, I think. Look, rattlesnake one, two in this case, faith zero. Faith is zero, for sure. These are animals full of poison.

They're just full of poison. They're full of poison and fastness. It's just like, what are you full of? I'm a fucking, I'm a muscle stick full of poison. Yeah, exactly. That's all it is. With tiny little reptile brains. You can't tame a snake.

You can't domesticate the snake. Remember the time that guy was walking his snake? Yeah. No. What did they wear, like a little vest? He got a little vest. It's poisonous. I don't even know how else.

It's like saying, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to drink cyanide for Jesus. Not going to do that for very long. It's like William Tell and his kid died the same way. Right. You wouldn't put this apple on your head and shoot it off. And then watch it. You know, it's like watching your dad, you know, look down the barrel of a gun. be like, what's in here, you know, and be like, oh, what's in there

and go pick it up right after him and shoot yourself in the face. This, it seems tragically stupid. Although Darwin award, you know what I mean? Like this is perfect candidate for the Darwin award. You would, why would you do this? Why would you, and there's so many things in the Bible that you could fucking glom onto. Why glom onto the part that says you should pick up nasty slithering things that can kill you with a single bite? I can't possibly know. And does it say rattlesnakes in the Bible? It just says serpents.

And it doesn't even say that like it doesn't say they need to be poisonous, but it does say in my name, they will cast out demons. They will speak with new tongues. They will take up serpents. And if they drink anything deadly, it will by no means hurt them. I think it's telling that they choose the snakes because that's a Russian roulette, right? You've got a pretty high likelihood of not being bitten the first time. They're not just doing the second part if they drink anything deadly. So it's not like they're really following this to the letter. Yeah, sure, they're not drinking hemlock. It's not like you're sitting around being like, hey, let's chug some hemlock. Let's drink some Drano.

Exactly. Yeah, it's not like a fucking Drano drinking party. Yeah, well, I fucking drank a quart of leach, or lye, rather. I don't feel so good. You're not good. That's stupid. You're not good. Yeah.

feel so good. You're not gonna. You're not gonna. Yeah. So we got a couple voicemails this time. Thank you for leaving us a voicemail. If you want to leave

us a voicemail, you can call us at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. Long distance rates apply. We would like to play both of these voicemails,

and then Tom is going to read one of the Google Translates for him. But we're going to play both of them first. The first one is Paul from Australia, and the second one is Derek from Orange County. Hello. This is Paul Hanna from Brisbane, Australia. In the last episode, the question was raised as to how to tell the difference between an Australian and a New Zealand accent. from Brisbane, Australia. In the last episode, the question was raised as to how to tell the difference between an Australian and a New Zealand accent.

There is a simple test. Just ask the subject to count from one to six. A New Zealander will say, one, two, three, four, five, fucks. You seem unable to say sixty-six and render it fucks-be-sucks. There's a friendly rivalry between Kiwis and Aussies. They regard us as

shady crooks while we think of them as being a touch too well acquainted with their sheep. However, all gloves come off when it comes to sport. There was a report of some graffiti on a sporting ground some years ago that Kiwi had written Australia sucks, on a wall, and some brilliant Australian wrote underneath it, New Zealand nil.

I wonder what Google will make of my accent. Scratch that, never miss an episode. Thank you. Hey, what's up, guys? This is Derek from Orange County, California, and my roommate, he actually This is Derek from Orange County, California. And my roommate, he actually turned me on to your guys' podcast. And I got to say, this is the best one I've heard in a very long time.

You guys are straight up hilarious to the point where, I mean, I'm literally laughing out loud, like, a lot. And, you know, I really started listening within the early, like, I mean, the late 40s of your podcast. And, I mean, that one, I made you this drought. And, like, during that, like, slack jaw to hate God was literally, I was laughing about it for days and just showing other people. And I'm sure other people turn on to it too so I mean these people do great work and I mean you guys inspired me to basically start my own kind of stuff but not exactly about the same issues but just you know just messing around so you guys are awesome thanks and Tom Paul I think we've got to read Paul's because I don't think Google Translate liked his accent. No, I don't think so either.

Probably thought he was New Zealander or something. Or Austrian. I'm not sure. Who knows? Hello. This is poor Hannah from Brisbane, Australia. Well, I've got the question is rise. Just had to tell the difference between Mr. Allen and UC on the accent.

This is simple test. The stuff subject to count from one to six. And he's doing double sight. One, two, three, four, five. Say hi. Hope is five, six, six, 100 sucks. There is a friendly rivalry between Kaylee's policies. So yeah, this is Jackie crew.

Slowly think offenders being a touch too well acquainted with a shape, have a whole bunch come off when it comes to support was a report of some graffiti on the supporting grants. And he's again, the key we had written, style sucks on the wall and some brilliant destroy and rock right underneath it. If anyone else order, order the wall in some brilliant destroy. And rock right underneath it. If anyone else order, order the loan I can license. Scratch. This is an exercise. Thank you.

Thank you, Paul. Thank you, Derek. We're glad that you guys both like the show. Thank you for the amusing story, Paul. We liked it. And thanks for listening, Derek. We're happy that you liked Hillbilly Jesus liked, um, uh, hillbilly Jesus. And we just played you another bit of hillbilly Jesus at the beginning of the podcast.

So hopefully you enjoyed it, Tom. We got another email from Narnia and I wanted to, I wanted you to read it because it seems like, it seems like, uh, that, uh, Emily's having a rough time there. Yeah. Narnia is not the land of plenty. I managed to... Plenty of something. Plenty of something.

This is from Emily from Narnia, continued. I managed to arrange my release from the centaur's detention. Admittedly, this came about in the most vulgar of ways. Centaurs are disgustingly aroused creatures, and I was forced to perform fellatio on the captain, tasted of alfalfa and degradation. Foused creatures. And I was forced to perform fellatio on the captain. Tasted of alfalfa and degradation. Foul creatures. Upon my return into the Narnian wild, I continued my search for the elusive wardrobe.

I think I'm getting close. Hopefully soon I'll enter the real world in which you live. But if what you say on your podcast is true, perhaps I'm better off here. Keep podcasting. I'll keep in touch. You know, it's rough when I'm better off here. Keep podcasting. I'll keep in touch. You know, it's rough when you're better off fellating fucking centaurs than living in the real world. And I like this, too. It says, admittedly, this came out of the most disgusting.

Centaurs are disgustingly aroused creatures. Turns out some people who go to conferences are the same way. Yeah, right. So we got an email from Donovan, and Donovan says that, as one of the emails you read mentioned, some of the forms of female circumcisions aren't as bad as the male type. He puts, well, whoop-dee-fucking-do. 99% are totally unnecessary.

Yeah, that's kind of how I felt too. Yeah, which one's worse? You know, like, what's worse? You know, having somebody hit you in the balls with a hammer or knocking your fucking larynx in, you know, like which is worse? They both suck. They both suck immensely. And they're both under our control, you know?

Just like, just don't do either. It's not like a comparison. Like, well, which is worse, a tornado or a hurricane? Fucking, I can't control the weather. They're both, they both suck. You can control these things. Don't cut your genitals. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, don't cut your genitals and don't cut your kids' genitals. Right. Because that just seems like a bad idea all around. You know, maybe the, you know, if your kid, when they get older, realizes, hey, you know, I got this extra piece down here and I know God really wants it. Yeah. You know, then go have them nip it off and fucking, I don't know. I don't know what you do. What do you do? Do you put it in a slingshot and shoot it in the sky?

I don't know. Do you fry it up like a calamari ring for him? I have no idea. What do they do with it? And that's got to be a nasty little rubbery calamari ring. I know. It's like a Funyun. Nobody wants that.

A little Funyun of hate. We got an email from Matthew. Matthew's from Down Under. And he was talking about, he's like, why don't you send your pastors down here? He talked about the story of the snake handle. He's like, why don't you send your people down here and they could fuck with some of our snakes. All of the snakes in Australia fucking trump anything we have here. It's the most terrifying place to live on the planet.

It's worse than Narnia. It really here. It's the most terrifying place to live on the planet. It's worse than Narnia. It really is. It turns out. It's like the everything there will kill you. It's like, oh, a spider. That's the size of a dime? Yeah. Bah.

Dead. Or the snakes that kill you in like 35 seconds. You're just like, oh, I got bit. I hope I can get some anti. Yeah, let me go wash this off. Oh, fucking crocodiles. God damn it. And I swelled up and blew up like a fucking balloon and I'm dead.

Yeah, that's awful. I don't think anybody's going to be handling those snakes. You can't go in the water. You can't go walk on the ground. Like you just got to fucking like roll around in like a fucking hamster bubble down there. That's all you can do. The only way to survive Australia is to hover. Yeah.

Just hover. Last email we got, I want to talk about Kevin. Kevin says that he just started listening to us and he thought it was pretty funny. He was listening to episode 13 and a couple other episodes and he's having a blast. And he said that if we mention him, he'll probably hear us sometime in August. So we hope that the weather's nice and we hope that the rapture hasn't come yet. You probably have what, like at this point, T-minus four months until the end of the world. So best of luck to you, Kevin. Thanks for listening.

I also like the title of his email is, you rock off my cock sock. Wow. Keep it on. Please don't take it off. Put that in the laundry. We thank everybody who sent us messages as usual. And if you want to get in touch with us, just listen in the middle of the show or you can always find a way to get in touch with us at DissonancePod.com. 50th episode, Tom.

We're finally done. We cranked out 50 in record time. And we're looking forward to doing another 50 more. And as usual, we will leave you with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water downward spiral, brain dead pan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment.

brain dead pan sales pitch late night info docutainment leo pisces cancer cures detox reflex foot massage death and towers tarot cards psychic healing crystal balls bigfoot yeti aliens churches mosques and synagogues temples dragons giant worms atlantis dolphins truthers birthers witches wizards vaccine nuts shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, double-speak stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only.

Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. Thank you. you