Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 501: Naughty Semite

Episode Date: December 16, 2019

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The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from glory hole studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome mat. This is episode 501, which is really a carryover from episode 500 pretty much pretty much about uh about an hour worth of tape that we had gotten last week uh from the puzzle guys when they were in studio we will not be covering some of the big news like the impeachment moves to the big house from the judiciary committee that happened today

so they uh they approved that that's moving on and then there's also uh boris johnson looks like he's going to be uh the uk only by a landslide only by way to go okay hey guys um we're garbage too so yeah no it's i can't i you know i i i just think like i think to myself, I'm like, wow, you guys really did that, huh? One of my favorite things about our current descent into madness is that you can watch it happening in this sort of painfully slow real time where you're like, no, no. It's like feeding your hand into the garbage disposal in slow motion. That's what we've been doing for so long. Oh,

it's so sad, but we're good. We'll talk about, I'm sure we'll talk about some of that stuff next week. This week, we will not be covering that stuff. We'll just be, like we say,

playing some of this great tape we got from the puzzle guys. Um, but come back next week when we can all cry together. So Tom, right now, our sponsor, adamandeve.com and adamandeve.com. I just want to mention if you like to fuck, if you, I just want to mention, if you like to fuck.

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and fucking has never been so fun. All right, this story comes from Quartz.com. The great American labor paradox. Plentiful jobs,

most of them bad. It's weird to see an entire article about how not everybody can have a podcast. That was really... Also, that's not a paradox. That's just what it is, and it's not complicated in any way or riddle. That's just what is happening. Yeah, but I mean, I guess the paradox is like bragging about adding 266,000 jobs to the economy last month. And you're like, yeah, all right.

But it's the fucking holidays and more greeters at Walmart doesn't exactly fucking light the economy on fire. Right, well, and this story doesn't really dig into this, but when you start subtracting out the gig economy bullshit jobs, it's like, it's not a job. It's just whatever.

It's a little extra fucking butter. They call that a job. And suddenly it looks like it's a great job market where when you actually go out there looking for work, you're like, oh, but I don't want to just work 18 hours a week for minimum wage. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Panhandling like, even if you have a quote unquote good job, what a good job is means something different now than it meant 20, 30, 40 years ago. A good job now has benefits, but the benefits shrink and decrease in value dramatically every year. A good job now doesn't include a cost of living increase in many, many industries. I know ours doesn't include any cost of living or reviews or increases that are like automatic or subject to the whims of wage or inflation rather. Good job

means something different. Good job means like maybe you're not fired on Tuesday, but I guess what? Like you got a company phone and you're answering emails during off hours, you know, six, seven, eight, all hours of the night night every day of the week like a good job isn't all that fucking good anymore a good job the average work week is now over 45 hours a week like what does good job even mean in america anymore it doesn't mean like i get a nice standard of living and a nice balance between work and home no and and it's even worse than that like this article they're talking about a new index that they're keeping of job quality. And the only thing that they are measuring to determine what's a good job and a bad job

is are you above or below the average income? And even then, the number is going up, which seems almost mathematically impossible, right? Except that more and more money is just being concentrated in fewer and fewer jobs. When I looked up today, the average American household, and this is not even all that useful when you look at America as a whole, because geography plays such a central role in what money means to us, right? Money doesn't mean the same thing to Cecil as it does to me. means to us, right? Money doesn't mean the same thing to Cecil as it does to me. So Cecil lives in the city of Chicago where everything is just inherently more expensive than I have in the suburbs where like 3,000 square feet of living space in the suburbs is, you know, 30, 40, 50% cheaper than it would be in the city, right? So like money doesn't mean the same thing depending

on where you move that money around. If I pick that money up and I walk it 35 or 40 miles, it can be dramatically different. Much more so if I pick that same money up and I walk it 900 miles. So money in my hand versus money in the hands in South Carolina, in West Virginia, in Kentucky versus New York City versus Seattle. It's not all one-to-one. Even still, the average income in America right now for a household of four is $47,060. How the fuck is a family of four supposed to live on $47,060? You pay taxes at $47,060, which means you don't take home four grand a month. You take home closer to $28,000, $32,000 a year. Well, and keep in mind that's the average, but that don't mean 50% of people are making more than that. That's very true.

Yeah. Yeah. So the vast majority of households are working on a hell of a lot less than that. Look, I live in a town where the average household income is below 20,000. I don't even understand that. So what they do is they add up all the household incomes and then they divide it by the number of people. But they should be talking about media and not everything that's correct. You couldn't buy groceries on that.

How is that even possible? No, you have to have... Assistance. Yeah, you have to have SNAP. You have to have some other type of assistance. You have to have public housing. Yeah, and there's an enormous number of people living at a point where when And there's an enormous number of people living at,

you know, at a point where when, you know, there are an enormous number of people who are listening to this podcast who when you said 47,000 thought, oh God, that's the fucking dream. Yeah. Yeah. Right.

I remember as a person in my 20s thinking like, if I could only make 40 grand, if I can make 40 grand, I could fix so many of these problems. And we're at a place where wage stagnation has been a major issue for almost 40 years, 50 years, which means the entirety of my life, wages have not substantially kept up

with the cost of inflation. That's weird. It was supposed to be trickling down for those 40 years. I know, right? It was like the shower, the shower trickled down quietly, trickling down. And I flushed the toilet like 15 times.

See, that's the problem. If you flush while I'm showering, I don't get any of the trickle. Drinks. Yeah. Damn it. They talk in this,

in this article, they talk about, you know, the quality, the way people feel about their jobs. And they talk about the amount of money that they make being one of the major factors in that. And I know

for sure, like, when I worked a long time ago, I worked at a cafeteria and I was doing So did I. I was working like I was like, you know, like I did a lot of like odd jobs around there. I kind of worked the grill and kind of was a porter and kind of did some other stuff. But I, and I don't remember working very hard.

Like it was, it was, I was there for, you know, a, you know, a certain amount of time every day. And I was, and I worked, but I wasn't like killing myself. Were you also selling drugs? I was not selling drugs. Neither was I. Yeah. Glad that's on tape.

And I'm glad that's locked in. Nobody knows. None of us were. A higher percentage of us were Lash Ladies than I was ready for. In any case, I'm working. I worked, not hard, and I didn't really like the job. I was just like, okay, whatever. But the wages were kind of poor.

Then I got a job at a plumbing supply house. And I worked my ass off there. I mean, like lifting big, heavy bundles of pipe, loading trucks. You're constantly picking orders. You're in a, well, I was in air conditioning before all day. Now I'm in a warehouse where it's, you know, the fluctuations of the weather completely changed the entirety of your day.

Like you have to wear like long underwear in the winter all day or in a coat. And then in the summer, you're basically dying of heat exhaustion. That job was way more fulfilling because I made three times as much money there. And I felt way more fulfilled at the end of the day. I'd be like, man, I really did hard work because I know I'd go home and I'd be like, yeah, my paycheck is three times the size it was before. And when we talk about fulfilling jobs, that's the thing that we're talking. I mean,

like Noah said, that's the thing is the money. It doesn't matter what you're doing. You're going to find fulfillment the moment you could be like, yeah, and now I don't have to worry about going hungry. Yeah. You can buy fulfillment. Yeah, exactly. It's totally, yeah. Yeah, exactly.

Well, right. Because, because look, when you're working a job where you actually make a living wage, plus you think in your, you're thinking to yourself as you're working that, you know, 45 hours, 50 hours a week, you're like, yeah, but when I get home, I get to play my video game or something. I get to do something that I want to do. Whereas it's this like, you know, oh yeah, okay. I work 25 hours a week you're like yeah but when i get home i get to play my video game or something i get to do something that i want to do whereas it's this like you know oh yeah okay i work 25 hours a week and then when i get home i go home and wish that they'd give me more hours yeah yeah well it's it's so funny because like there's this bullshit thing it's like oh well money doesn't buy happiness it's

like well poverty sure as shit buys unhappiness there is a so fuck you and your money doesn't buy happiness i've got a little bit of money for the first time in my life, and I'm not going to lie, it makes me a lot more happy because I'm not terrified all the time. Yeah, there's this weird correlation that I've noticed between people with money and happiness. Like, they might not be

buying it directly, but there's definitely a fucking relationship. Yeah, there's a layaway program, that's for sure. I buy it directly sometimes. A bottle of scotch in my hand. Yeah, Heath is holding a bottle of scotch and staring at it long and long.

You can sure as fuck rent it. That's all I'm saying. It's weird how dismissive we are of that. Because people are like, millionaires still have problems. And I'm like, yeah, but they don't have the problem

of going to jail about their medical debt. They've got different problems. Yeah. They don't have like, oh God, I have an eviction notice on my door and I bounce the check for groceries. Yeah. Yeah. They don't have like, oh God, I have an eviction notice on my door and I bounced a check for groceries.

You know, like they don't have a problem like, oh, I had to mortgage my house, which I later got sued about because I had to pay medical bills. There was a daily podcast with this woman

who makes 12 bucks an hour, has two kids. She's getting sued by the hospital because one of her kids had a spinal problem and they had to do a bunch of stuff and she had insurance. It's not like she didn't have insurance.

She had insurance. It's just the co-pays and all the deductible cost is gonna put her in medical debt and they sent the fucking sheriff to her house. She makes 12 bucks an hour, 12 and change an hour. She works a job that has insurance

and it's not enough in this country. Yet somehow fucking, what's that lady's name? The folksy Sarah somehow, fucking, what's that lady's name? The folksy Sarah Palin Democrat. What's that lady's name? Elizabeth Warren. Klobuchar. Klobuchar.

Did you, what did you say? Fuck you. What did you say? No, say that, no, say it again. Say it again. Where's that knife, Tom?

Anyway. Weirdly, Cecil grabbed it from across the table faster than you could see. No, that fucking Klobuchar though. She's always singing oh people like their insurance company

this fucking lady doesn't like her insurance company nobody likes their insurance company nobody likes her it's a stupid fucking thing to say people like their insurance company who have never had to use their goddamn insurance company

yeah you like your insurance company like you like the house at a casino that's what they are why would you like the house no because I pulled the leather and I won.

And that woman from the Daily, she had what would be classified as a good job. She had stable. It was stable. It was full time. It had benefits. It meets all the check boxes of what a good job in America means.

But she's like one stroke of bad luck away from being fucking- She's a modest needs candidate. 100% modest needs candidate. What that means is bullshit now. What that means 40, 50 years ago was something substantial, and now we have lack of pro-union laws and we have the degradation of all that stuff, and

it means almost nothing now. It's terrible. That's like one of the biggest important issues now is a much stronger set of union laws, and honestly, getting together as like one big group that's like, we're the union called all of us. Fuck you. as like one big group that's like we're the union called all of us fuck you pay me like that's not only is that so vital that now the anti-union sentiment in the united states has made stuff like secondary boycotts which actually make that

kind of thing where the big union work that's those are illegal now they're legal right you had google employees literally being sued now because they were like hey does anyone want to help us out? No, no, safe, safe or unsafe. You're only allowed to boycott Google. No, but you always talk about competition. We're doing a thing to compete in the thing. No, illegal.

Aren't you using government overreach now? You always talk about government. No, not in this case. You don't use my words against me. You can't flip it. Do as I say, not as I do. And they continually expand what an exempt employee is against the definition of non-exempt employees. So exempt employees are employees that the basic rules, like the basic, like, you have to get paid overtime.

You have to have these certain things check the box for you so that you get certain benefits, like by law. And we keep expanding classifications of employees that no longer get overtime. So they're like, yeah, fuck that guy. You know what we're going to do? We're going to class that guy differently. And this certainly was the case when I was a working person. It was like, great. You know, you're working really hard. You're working 60, 70, 80 hours a week. We're going to classify you different. You don't get paid overtime. You don't have an hourly wage. We give you a bullshit salary wage. We existentially terrify you over like the security of your job and your

position. And then you're locked into this horror show of a life. And that is still better. That is still orders of magnitude better than the life like so many people get to live. To talk about unions, we've taken away the ability for service workers to unionize. We've taken away office workers' abilities to unionize. We've taken away office workers' abilities to unionize. We move people into bullshit supervisory team leader fake management positions that don't really have any real strength or teeth to them because none of those motherfuckers can unionize.

Sales people can't unionize. Like so many parts of a service economy are outside the protections of the union that we're all just fucking standing on our own, fucking spitting in the wind against these massive corporate giants who have our best interests not at all at heart. And we're wondering like,

well, gee, I don't know why it's not working out for us. Well, and even worse, we're taking what few industries that we have with any union protections left in and we're turning those into these gig economy jobs where you can't you can't unionize because you're never gonna meet anyone you work with right yeah i mean that's that's another huge part right like it used to be that like one of the things you could do one of the

ways you could unionize is because everybody went to the same factory so everybody everybody in the whole fucking town wakes up and they go to the same factory well everybody like wakes up and they drive an hour or they drive two hours and so like they're not all from the community and they go to the same factory. Well, everybody like wakes up and they drive an hour or they drive two hours. And so like they're not all from the community and they go to this building or that building and it's all disparate

and it's dispersed and people are connected online rather than showing up and punching a fucking rivet into a doohickey at the whatever fucking factory. There's no ability for people to create community

around work anymore either. Like we're fucking ourselves every way we can think to get fucked. Every fucking hole is filled right now. And in agriculture as well, you see that like a lot of the racism, anti-Hispanic racist sort of policy that's been put in place

is explicitly because agricultural workers are starting to mix with immigrants. And so if you can make them hate their coworkers, right, you can stop them from unionizing because you can teach them that the reason they hate their job at the chicken factory is because Mexican immigrants work at that chicken factory with them. Yeah. And then that goes into like wage sharing, when people share how much they make. Yeah. Like if you share how much you make, then suddenly you get a chance on understanding an idea like, oh, well, I don't make as much as Heath. I should be, you know, Heath and I do the

same amount of work. I should be making as much as Heath. And then I go up and talk to my boss and that might change. But if Heath and I never share how much we make and we have no idea how much that happens and we've created a taboo in this country where you never do that. Now it just, it just is, it basically just all it does is make it so the employer wins and we all lose. Yep. I will say this. It's not illegal, but people here, there are many people that, that I work with that think it is illegal to share how much they make with other people. They think it is against the law to tell other people what they make. So much so that like, when you hire people and you ask them like, what are your salary requirements? They are reluctant

to tell you how much they make currently at an existing job because they think it's illegal. And I've not encountered it once or twice. I've encountered it dozens of times. Wow. So I used to work in the real estate industry. And I used to work at a company that I put in a ridiculous amount of hours at. So I would work at that place routinely 12, 14, 16 hours a day. Sometimes I wouldn't go home.

I would just sleep in the office, like lay down, take a nap under my desk, get a hotel nearby to shower. I worked like that for years, like for literally years, like a fucking animal for that fucking place. And then real estate is very boom and bust. So I worked like that for many years, never had like a full day off. Every day was email. Every day was phone calls. Every day until god awful hours. It slowed down a little bit. And my owners of the company took me out. It was the first time that they had had a meeting with me. The rest of it was just fucking just work. And I was a management unit.

It was just fucking work. And we never talked and we never had a meeting and we never had a lunch. They took me out and they sat me down and they said, well, it's slowing down. So you're going to have to tighten your belt. In other words, like you're getting a pay cut. After 10 plus years of 60, 70, 80 hour weeks without a break, without anything.

And I mean, I was lucky because I was able to get in my car, pick up the phone, make a phone call and begin a job search that led me to a much, much better job. But so many people don't get that. Like I was just really fucking lucky. Like so many people would have been like, and at one point in my life, I would have too, because I was in that spot. Like when the fucking great recession hit, it hit because of housing. Well, I was in fucking real estate. So like when that happened, it was like, you're lucky you have a job. And I was like, fuck, I'm lucky I have a

job. And they're like, you know, nobody even had to tell me like, you don't get to go home until two in the morning. Like, it was just like, yeah yeah there's all this work volume to do and if you leave before it's somebody else wants your job there's 8 000 resumes people and the only difference between yours and someone else's your name isn't on top of one and you know that inherently and they ride that fucking wave of existential financial insecurity and employers eat that shit up and they will crush you. And I'll say like, without over-disclosing, like I will say that job hurt me. Like I was not the same when I got out of that job as when I walked into that job.

That job did damage to who I was as a person that took years to fix, if it's even entirely fixed. Can we just look at this trend really quick though? So it's the job quality index has gone down over the last 40, 50 years. That's the general trend they're showing. That's the trend of unbridled capitalism. That's what happens. The rich get richer unless it's checked by like democratic socialist type things, like a socialized medicine type thing or a progressive tax system that we've apparently been willing to get away from. So the point is, the author is Thomas Piketty, who talks about that in Capitalism in the 21st Century. We have to constantly be doing things to prevent that.

Like the GOP is like tooth decay, and this is like brushing your teeth. You have to fix it by doing stuff every so often. Not to like win the game or like over correct, just to like keep it at a baseline of not getting worse. You have to do that. Lindsey Graham is a cavity creep.

Right? Is that what we're saying? We make holes in teeth. We make holes in teeth. And then they all start fucking, you guys remember that commercial? I do remember that commercial. I drank a bunch of NyQuil

every time I watched it. My name is Adolf. I'm on the mic. I drank a bunch of NyQuil every time I watched it. This story comes from Right Wing Watch. Rick Wiles. I love Rick Wiles right now. Rick Wiles has become the raging anti-Semite I always knew he could be. Here we go. We've allowed Kabbalah practicing Jews to defile the nation. All right.

You know, real quick, before we even start, at least he's not trying to hide this in any kind of dog whistle, right? This guy's just like, he's like, yeah, I got a banner outside that just, it's made, I actually wrote the banner

in Jew blood. And the banner just says, this banner is written in Jew blood. That's the whole banner. Look, I just want to offer up a little hot take here. Rick Wilds is right. Madonna.

End of list of Kabbalah practices but that's enough that's a Barbra Streisand two I've got two okay two juice Kabbalah

isn't that like a vegan food though yeah no you get a little zucchini on there it's delicious oh good you gotta dip it

you dip it in you sort of swirl it well you dip the foreskin in the Kabbalah oh yeah yeah like calamari rings it's like it's like what it's like an artichoke when you pull the you know you get the foreskin in the Kabbalah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like calamari rings. It's like what? It's like an artichoke when you pull the, you know,

you get the breadcrumbs. Cecil, I have a surprise pop quiz for you. Are you ready? I'm ready. Which of the following is not a real Jew food? Okay. Challah. Okay.

Challah. Cholent. He's got to come up with a fake one. The third one is the fake one because he's struggling. Shmech. Shmech. Sh because he's struggling okay I might have heard that before challah I don't do well

unscripted you script on our show and then you didn't use hamantashen hamantashen hamantashen is my fourth one

okay we're gonna we're gonna play the clip that's a real I love that Cecil won't engage that. I mean, like, no, it's fine. And you can do that.

I'm going to leave it in, but I just, I mean. Oh, you're going to leave it in? I'll leave it in. Thanks. Appreciate that. It's fine. Follow-up question. No, definitely listen to his show.

He's really funny on it. I have a Zencastle recording of a Citation Needed episode I'm going to put out on my fucking blog feed. recording of a Citation Needed episode I will put out on my fucking blog feed. And our leaders are low-life scum. Agree. Hard agree.

Look, hard agree with Rick Wiles. Hard agree. Broken clock, twice a Jew. Screw little girls. Let's not, hey. Okay, all right. You know, you don't need to genderize them

because they'll go for little boys too. You know what I mean? He's not hating Jared Kushner correctly. What group of leaders do we associate with having sex with children? Right. Hold on, hold on.

I've got this. Well, it's definitely not little girls though. That's true. That is true. The Jews can screw America. That's what's happening in this country That is true. The Jews can screw America. That's what's happening in this country.

Wait, so the Jews can screw America? They have to screw little girl? I don't get. Okay, so what he's saying is that the whole Jeffrey Epstein, Jeffrey Epstein

was a secret Jewish spy. He was not a secret Jew. Whose job? Whose job? What a name like Epstein, how secret could you be? Yeah, right.

Double bluff. No, but so... The perfect spy name. Not Mossad Mossad. Not. What? So, Rick Wild's argument here is that Jeffrey Epstein

was a secret Mossad agent whose job it was to trick wealthy American men into fucking underage children. Why do you do that?

I'm going to stop you there. You don't have to trick a lot of times. Why do you do that? Like, you're like... No, you going to do there? You don't have to trick him a lot of times. How do you do that? Like, you're like, no, you got to take what's behind door number two. How do you trick him? I don't get it.

And then he would get the video of that. God damn it. I always get the goats. I was hoping for the chicken soup. God damn it. No adults, no adults, no adults. Stop. God damn it.

Whole new meaning to whammy. But yeah, but that's the idea, is that this was all set up by the Israeli government so that they would have a compromise on all the American leaders and powerful people because they just knew all the American leaders and powerful people would fuck children

if given the chance. Wait, wait a minute. Does Israel need something the American leaders and powerful people would fuck children if given the chance. Ravishly fuck children. Wait, wait a minute. Does Israel need something on American leaders to get America to be pro-Israel? Yeah, right. That's a little fucking redundant. We're willing to mail you

a nuclear bomb for you too, so no worries, man. We'll send that over. To be fair, though, that's a rough job to be the pedophile pitch guy. I mean, 100% success rate, so that guy,

it's the old joke. Like I can't sell salt. That guy can sell salt. If you have a 100% success rate, it's selling fucking a child to all of the nation's leaders. I want to hear your pitch. Tom, you were in sales.

You want to hear that guy's pitch with the product in their hand. I also want to say like, I love the way that Rick Wiles is using that, like, quiet, serious language, but also horrifically offensive words.

Like, we're going to fuck these kids. We're going to fuck these kids. Like, the tone does not match the actual

content at all. Much like his shirt does not match his wood grain tie. When's Israel going to pull the trigger on this and take over the world, though? It feels like if they have this, why are they like slow playing their hands? Why wouldn't you just utilize this whenever you need it?

It's done now, right? But I'm just curious, like, what does Israel want they haven't gotten yet? Is it like just a bag full of golden elephants? I can't think of anything the world, like the West just gives Israel anything and everything. But that's the thing, guys. That's because they are using this compromise video that they got from Jeff Epstein. Otherwise, we would not be doing that. Exactly.

Exactly. Do they think, though, that if they announced that they did this, it's like, hey, we tricked some people into fucking some children. They're the bad guys. Aren't you in on it? Also? So here's the funny thing about, here's the funny thing about that,

you see, actually, so one of us fell onto a child and he was filming it. Anyways, we said, I'll show him the video and he said,

you know what, this is an idea. Pass the shumkacha. See, now I called back to it call back call back call back

usually Noah fixed my jokes just said it that's what's going on in this country and our FBI is corrupt the Supreme Court

is corrupt what is happening in the background is someone making a balloon animal what is that let's hear that again and our

FBI is corrupt. The Supreme Court. Someone is making like a balloon Jew. Like someone is making a balloon Jew in the background. There's just one guy who threw like a piece of hard candy in his mouth and is slowly eating it. He's got a peppermint in there. He's got a peppermint he got out of the bowl at TGI Fridays. I have a mind-blowing theory. He's wearing a peppermint he got out of the bowl at TGI Fridays. He's just crushing it. I have a mind-blowing theory.

He's wearing a love. That's a fart. Look, there is no boom mic involved here. He's wearing a love. That only could come from him.

Yeah, yeah. Play it one more time. I want to see if it's a fart. I'm pretty sure it's a fart. All right, guess the food ahead of it. Is it Mexican? I'm going Indian.

It was Kala. I'm going to say kala. Kala. It's a gefilte official. Do that every time. And our FBI is corrupt. The Supreme Court. He farted.

He totally farted. He's the balloon animal. Okay. It was corrupt. Massa balls. The Justice Department is corrupt. Okay. The news media.

He has. Oh, no, he's still going. He has an unreasonable amount of aftershocks. Wait, is that a lot? That's a lot? I feel like you get two or three and then you're done, right? Oh.

How many segments... Two or three hours. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, they can happen up to two or three hours afterwards. How many segments are you guys going in? I mean, you get a full 40, 45 second first one. And then, you know. 45 seconds.

Yeah. I mean, that's in the morning. Oh, man. You would have won so many cool bets in middle school. Cool bets. Super cool bets. Media is corrupt. The whole country is corrupt.

Because we walked away from all. Okay. That came out into the pants. That last one came out into the pants. That last one came out into the pants. Did you hear that? Mighty God. And we've allowed...

Wow. That was worse. They're absolutely farts. You could waterboard me and I would tell you those are farts. You know, there's some guy offstage

like, your diaper's crinkling. Your diaper is crinkling. Shut up, I'm shitting. Don't ruin this for me. Lock eyes with me. Kabbalah practicing Jews to defile the nation. Put that video out.

Go ahead and clip this video and send it out. I dare you. You won't do it because you're scared that the truth may get out to the American people. I'm had it. Well, it's not going to get out by people watching true news. I like that's the message. They're like, you won't share this that I've publicly shared because then somebody might see it. Unlike my show, which nobody, please share my show.

I'm so lonely at night. I know we use our platform for like charity drives and shit and like good, but just once a year, could we just like very publicly challenge

Rick Wiles to a fight? Because I know that if enough people shared it, we'd get to watch Tom fight Rick Wiles. I want something for me this year. I dare you, Rick Wiles, to accept that challenge and share it.

I ended up to here with the corruption in this country. Little children being raped for the benefit of Israel. Wait, how does that benefit Israel, though? Also, like, why would it matter why the kids were getting raped? They're upset about the wrong fucking thing here.

It's like Americans should be getting those child rape jobs. the kids were getting raped. They're upset about the wrong fucking thing here. It's like Americans should be getting those child raping jobs. Bill Clinton creeping towards a child on a boat. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What country is this going to be? It's all about, Doc, little American children being raped for the benefit of Israel. American poverty.

Who do you guys think he's talking to right now? Himself. Bugs Bunny. Oh, this is Bugs Bunny creeping. What's up, Doc? Bugs Bunny creeping towards a child on a boat. This is like one of those moments in true news where they're not showing the person that he is talking to

because they're just desperately trying to roll the chair off stage. That's a lot even for this show. Why would the plot be kids particularly too? So Mossad was like, we're going to trick him into sexually assaulting some adults. And somebody was like, I don't know if that's going to be enough. Kids.

And they agreed on kids. Raping little American girls to be videotaped by Israeli Mossad so that Israel can blackmail American politicians. That was the darkest American girl doll story. You know they give you those little cards, the little Mossad girl? She's a survivor. She comes with her own little switchblade. It's a whole thing.

That's the state of America today. God ought to destroy this country for what we've become. He farted again. I think he punctuated God should destroy this country with a fart. Let's check it out, ladies and gentlemen. Let's just double. That's the state of America today. Let's check it out, ladies and gentlemen.

Let's just double. That's the state of America today. God ought to destroy this country for what we've done. He did. He did. He did. It's still coming. I got to go anyway.

I was in the middle of a really good point. This is going to be dramatic. I was hoping it would slide off. I came early. Fellow fans of Mel Gibson, our numbers have grown, and now together, we have the power to change the world. So, when I say, Est es Zeit zu sagen,

you all chant back, Wir müssen die Juden ausraten! Wir müssen die Juden ausraten! Est es Zeit für Reich! Wir müssen die Juden ausraten! Oh, this is fun! All right, this story comes from Right Wing Watch and makes no sense at all.

This is Dave Coach. Da Coach. Not a coach. Daubenmeier. The Jews should be begging to become Christians. I wouldn't, I don't even have to. Okay. Let's just play this.

Coach is a fixture on this show. We've had the coach many, many times and it's, it's, it's apt that episode 500 sort of has an exclusive, nice long clip of the coach. And I want to know how many more tours of Israel people can have. Now I don't have any problem going to Israel, but folks,

it ain't the physical Jew. We are, we are. No, it's a metaphysical Jew. Yeah. It ain't the physical Jew is the sentence? I just want to be sure

We're not hating on the physical Jews That'd be weird We are children of the king I'm a child of the king I'm their precious I'll put in this binky right now You don't talk to me like that Change my diapers king

In the eyes of my savior than any bloodline Jew that was ever born. I'm sorry if you don't. What the fuck is a bloodline Jew? It was a spin-off of that Netflix show. Word for word remake, but just everyone's very Yiddish kind of.

Oh, sure. Now you're going to murder your brother's murderer. Let's have sex in the back of this sedan. I didn't watch Bloodlines. I saw the ad and he's sitting in a pool, I think. I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

We have a terrible identity crisis. We are desiring somehow to become Jewish again. I don't know how that's happened to us. He's got to know how that's happened to us. I literally don't know who that's happened to. The Jews are not exactly recruiting in other words. Is he like a recovering Jewish person? That's how he's describing it.

Yeah, no, I think he's got missing piece of penis envy. I don't know. So clearly, as I was out there and I was listening to Savage and I was thinking about my own upbringing and how many people I know are focused on Israel and on the Jews and...

We don't even... He like waves, hand waves off the Jews with Ammon, Ammon, Ammon, Ammon. Yada, yada, yada became a way larger part of the political discourse than I think we all wanted. How many people I know are focused on Israel and on the Jews and we don't even, we don't even know who we are.

Greater is he that is in us than he that is in the world. Not greater than he that is in Israel. Wait, what did he say? Greater than Z is in us. I don't know. He's screaming some Bible verse right now. He's switched into, I'm going to quote a Bible verse right now at you, I think.

Am I wrong about that? I think you're right. I don't know what it is, but he's saying he's screaming, greater is he that's within us or something like that. I think that's what he said. I don't think he said, greater is the sneeze guard that is within us.

I don't think that was it. Would have made more sense. That's what he said, but that's not what he was quoting serious finale of coach dave he just removes the sneeze guard from his ass all of a sudden everything he's ever done makes sense yeah man he had a sneeze guard in his ass he needed help he that is in us greater see it is in us we christian americans and we could focus on who wait wait a minute. Yeah, right? There was a bit of a jump there

wasn't there? Oh, Christians! Americans! Come on! You guys are with me. Before there was an America, I know there was 2,000 years, but like whatever. Christians! Bah! What? What?

Come on! Yada, yada, yada. come on what come on yada yada yada America wasn't founded until several thousand years later Nephi's got them to read a book pass the potatoes

that's a really good pause I gotta say they all have been though every single one of them has been completed he's about to blow us.

You paused it really nicely. Yeah, no, this is definitely the glory hole pose right here. Gentlemen, as an aside, I realized not that long ago that you can just buy full life-size paper cutouts of people. Like, you just go online, upload any picture that you want, and a company will just send you a full-size cutout

of that person. And I'm not saying we need to get a still of Dave Daubenmayer mouth open to receive us as a life-size cardboard cutout.

But what I am saying is, I am going to fuck his mouth. That's so wonderful. We should all fuck his mouth on a live stream. Because here's the thing. There's no crime against that. There's literally nothing he can do.

That's very clearly satire. What's he going to do? I'm not going to do it satire-wise. I won't do it. I'm doing it for real. You can't prove it. I will not be satire. I don't know why guys at the camera, this is unironic.

can't prove i will not be satire yeah a lot of guys at the camera this is unironic i demand to call andrew right now to find out that this is legal children of the king much of this stuff that we see going on around us would end would end if we realize who we are who we represent? I'll tell you what. An old man getting all worked up until he loses a lung. Yeah, exactly. If you ever realized who you are, it's going to fucking end. You're going to put a gun in your goddamn mouth. You're going to be like, Jesus, I've been

this guy the whole fucking time? I'm with you, Dave. Present whose voice we are. Sit down today, if you will. Turn on some talk radio or whatever. Watch how many times you hear about Israel and the Jews. They won't shut up

about the Jews. I think he might have the Jews in Israel as his next door neighbor. The fucking Jews are having apparently a dance party up there again we got an identity crisis my boys see the jews should be begging to become christians the jews should be begging to be like us and we can't they should be begging you don't have to beg to become a christian you just have to be like i got that like it's like yeah it's super easy of all the world's religions

to convert to you just have to half-heartedly shrug in its general direction I will say being a Catholic is a little difficult you gotta go through classes and shit do you really

yeah there's like a whole thing to become a Catholic as an adult like you have to go through and do all kinds of unfortunately it doesn't

have anything in there about like do you want to fuck kids yes or no yeah I know and it's like there's no questions

there'll be like do you have any kind of like, would that be, would that make you feel uncomfortable if you found out maybe our leaders fucked kids? There's nothing like that in there. Do ask if you have kids and how sexy they are. I mean, yeah.

Can you rate your kid one to ten? Wait for us to be like them! We want to go be God's chosen people. Dude, you already are. You already are. The gobs are great. He keeps on like yelling so much.

He's hurting himself. I love it. You are walking out. Nothing special. Rub some tussin in it. You are the chosen people. He's an old coach, so he's just like,

oh, you're hurt? Get up and walk it out, you pussy. Jesus Christ. Here's the phrases I yell sometimes. Trump would give me 20 Jews. What am I saying?

Help me, I have dementia. My mom signed a permission slip. I'm allowed to do this. Look at my red sweatshirt from Champion. Slightly too big. I love how big it is too because it's all

bunched up on his shoulders. Like it's like somebody grabbed him by his scruff. Like that's what it looks like. And it's sort of slowly falling back into place.

Like a mom cat and he just goes like this. And like he lets someone clean his hair at that point. You know what I mean? He's just like, oh, it's amazing. He's going to end up like fat guy sleep where when you're a fat guy and your t-shirt hikes up in the middle of the night.

You can't get it down because you're too sleepy. You're just sleeping like Britney Spears in Crossroads. It's like stretched across part of your face when you wake up and it's numb. You have a weird, recall for britney spears right now amen i'm gonna read it to you how many times does it have to be read to you to understand and i was saying before we went on the show if you were on a desert island and a bible was dropped down by a helicopter onto your lap and you'd never read it before and you picked it up and read it you would not find what we see in american christianity today you wouldn't find it

you're right you're right you wouldn't find anything that remotely resembles any type of christianity you have ever seen in your fucking life that is correct i agree also you'd be stranded on an island and a helicopter would show up and you'd focus on the Bible. And not the people rejoicing from the helicopter, dropping Bibles on you and leaving you there. I read this book that the miracle bird dropped. I need a stone. We're concerned with it.

Yeah, I'm hot. Catch my breath here. Amen. Shouldn't have worn this sweatshirt. Yeah, right? Stupid green screen behind me warms everything up. Why do I keep my green screen in such a hot room? I'm going to drink this whole Gatorade too fast and throw up.

Give me a second. I love he's so dejected he's stabbing his own fist into his face right now all dejected it's amazing that's the picture we should fuck I'm on it man Randy I'm on it I don't care I don't care who I tick off I don't care huh come on man

the Jews we're supposed to make them jealous they're supposed to be jealous of us and everywhere I look it's're supposed to be jealous of us. And everywhere I look, it's Jew worship. Nobody is jealous of you, bro. I'm so sorry. You heard that.

Jew worship. You're supposed to be jealous of me. Why don't you love me so much? That is the weirdest, most pathological fucking thing I've ever heard. I am deserving of jealousy, motherfucker. You don't fucking love me. I'll do a squat thrust right now.

Can't get out of my sweater. He fights it for like 30 minutes trying to get it out. He's like, no, no. Honey, come in here and grab the back. I just need you to lift the back a little. I'm almost out. You're doing it wrong. They put socks on my hands so I don't scratch myself.

Are you anti-Semitic? You're an idiot. Okay, everybody at home. He got so mad, he flung his face at the screen and his glasses came off. It was amazing. But he didn't like put him back on. He tried to pull the whole, I meant to take my glasses off by slinging my face about move there. Like when my cat falls off of his shit.

It was part of the dance. I was actually dabbing. You're an idiot if you think that. I am Semitic you are too he's Semitic he's from the Semitic tribe of Arabia all eyes

and the church gobbles it up because we don't know who we are we're child of the king yes coach that's a weird breathy yes coach we are. We're proud of the king. Yes, coach. That's a weird breathy yes, coach. Is that one of us? That's a weird

breathy. It was either Eli or it was on the screen. I'm not sure. Did you throw your voice somehow? He doesn't think. I just realized we should show up on his live thing and just affirm him. Alright. And then just like overdo it like at a certain point. Just like,

oh, Jesus, say it slower, coach. Say it slower. Don't rush it. Stop neighboring. Don't rush it. I'm jealous of how much cum volume you have.

I'm a naughty semi. Throw your glasses at my tits. We have a great time. Tom, half the people in our audience, more than half probably, half penises.

I'm going to say it's more than half. The other bit like them. A lot. I'm sure. A good percentage of those. A good percentage like them. And it could be

that some have them and like them and that's fine, right? We're not judging. I was going to say, like I have a penis and I got to say, I'm pro my dick. I am absolutely pro my dick, too.

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Just know that go ahead and call eight, seven, seven for Viagra. See if you're eligible, avoid the doctor's visits for your ed once and for all. Again, the offer code here is glory. So there comes from right wing watches,

Chris McDonald. If they committed treason, they need to swing from nooses. He's not talking about who you're thinking of, though. No, he is not. That's the thing. Right, right. No, everything,

every sentence in here, you're just nodding along with them and then you're like, oh, you're the bad guy. You're talking about the good guy. Also, is it just me or does that motherfucker look like Bill Murray's ghost's ghost?

Oh, yeah. Chris McDonald, any freeze frame of Chris McDonald looks like Chris McDonald just realized he's Chris McDonald. Whatever I become. He looks like if Bill Murray starred in Philadelphia.

That's what he looks like, I think. He looks like if Bill Murray lived in Philadelphia. Hell yeah. That joke hurt Heath. When I said that, Heath made a wincing. He's just like,

ooh. Don't do that to Bill Murray. How dare you talk about strong white men? All right, so. Do you guys ever cover the firefighter prophet, Mark Taylor? Oh, we watched his fucking movie, bro. We watched his bio.

Wait, hold on. Oh, no, no, wait. He's got a movie? Hold on a second. Liberty University made a movie about the prophecy of retired fireman Mark Taylor, you see, and we got to watch it as part of our job. Oh. Tell us about it.

You used the word got to. The Trump prophecy is the title of the movie. Oh, my God. Yep. And it's about him who thinks that he was visited by a ghost in 2014. Wait, one or three? Because this time of year

it's three. Oh yeah, he was visited by a fire demon. Yep. That would like crawl up your wall while you were sleeping and then kind of float across

and then you would float up during your dream and have a kind of a sexual tension moment. And then you play words with friends. You play words. Oh, right. And then you have like a weird, passive-aggressive, magical drawing fight with each other.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. There's a demon in your room and you go Pictionary? That's your first go-to? Yep. You go draw. What would you? Okay.

We'll circle back to that. What would you... Okay. We'll circle back to that. And he believes that he correctly, because of this dream, predicted the Trump presidency four years ahead. I'll tell you what we didn't expect

is that that movie completely acknowledges the part where his doctor was like, oh, you have a mental illness. Yeah, it does. And the like claiming glory big back swell of music moment

is him being like no I won't get better he went on to invent a blanket that doesn't work to drag people out of fires

there's even a part in the fucking movie where like he's going to his boss his firefighter boss and going like yeah I got these

fire demon visions what told me who the prison is going to be and he's going like you know you got like you got like three weeks of retirement

all saved up buddy you really do you can be made until late May you're set you can go fuck some hockey players in porn because that's what you look

like. So many hours of this guy and that all makes 100% sense. Like I'm not even shocked at all that any of that happened. I'm just like, no, that sounds about right. I want to hear about this blanket he invented. That's the end of

invention. He invented a blank. He calls it like the drag out and it's the idea it's the dumbest idea so I'm going to describe it to you see if you can figure out the flaw with it you know when you're trying to carry people out and they're too heavy

so this is a blanket that you can put them on and then you can drag them out through the fire on the blanket end of product do you have to flip them halfway through so they

you sp to flip them halfway through so they cook evenly? You spatchcock them. Yeah. Perfect. That's absolutely perfect. Way more even cooking. Oh, yeah. Way more even.

Juicier, too. Plus the white meat and the dark meat cooking. It's just superior. It's pretty dark to know that we could use a directional microphone on three quarters

of the people we talk about on our shows and make them do anything we want to do. Just like, Mark good and shit in that salad bar. Jesus, take the squeal. All right, so let's play this clip. This is from the Mac Files or McFiles.

The McFiles, you know. The McFiles, don't you know. Oh, the Mac Files or McFiles. The McFiles. The McFiles, don't you know? Oh, it's time for the McFiles. The McFiles. Here we go. Nobody who deals with as much discrimination as the white man, especially the Irishman. The white Irishman.

Oh, Lord. Oh, it hurts. Oh, it hurts. Constantly. That was the X-Files. I suppose I need not apply at this next job. This whole Kumar. And whole coup, Mark. And that report you mentioned.

Whole coup, Mark? What? This whole coup, Mark. They actually go to White Castle? It's a whole thing. Thank you. I was like, what the fuck did he just say? They need to just agree that it's called the Jew coup.

And then in the future, what they're talking about. Jew data. We funded. I saw that too. And look, if they committed treason, they need to swing from nooses. They do. We need to have a modern day truth serum and a truth pill in this country.

Okay, but we don't. Like, I love that. It's like, we need to have technology that does not exist. It's pharmaceutical in nature. Okay, maybe. I don't think that would do us any good. We need Wonder Woman's lasso to be real in reality.

If we're doing fucking pharmaceuticals that don't exist, can we have a cure for AIDS first? Yeah, well, but then that's the most fucked up thing is that if we actually had the thing that he's asking for, you'd find out that he's full of shit, right? The guy he wants to hang is actually telling the truth about the guy that he's asking for you'd find out that he's full of shit right the guy he wants to hang is actually telling the truth about the guy that should hang yeah like i don't think this would help his cause but he's also using this to like go after like the democrats but it's like trump is working real hard not to tell us his fucking financial record like we don't need a truth serum for that he just has to file it. Yeah, right. How about we just have some

of those assholes testify before Congress where they could get in trouble for lying? I mean, that's not a fucking truth serum, but that'd help. I love the use of the word modern day, as though there was an ancient truth serum that nobody uses anymore. Nah, man, if you mix milk duds

and jelly bellies, you'd have to tell the truth for a week. A lot of people don't know that. It's in a farmer's almanac. The Jews bought all the milk duds, so we can't do it anymore. Can you, incidentally, can you think of anything you want less in the world

than actual truth serum? I thought you were going to say milk duds, and I was going to get real mad. Yeah, milk duds. Milk duds rock solid. Truth serum, we don't need that. Like, we're better off lying to each other. Oh, God real mad. Yeah. No thuds. No thuds rock solid. Truth serum, we don't need that. Like, we're better off lying to each other

as a species. Oh, God, yeah. Absolutely. Here's what I really think about you. Nope, no. You leave the room right now. You leave the fucking room.

That's an interesting story. You come back when you're ready to lie to me like a grown-up. This behavior, even in 2019, is unacceptable.

You don't do this to your nation. And it would send a message to future generations if the war carries that long, that this is the penalty for subverting your government and subverting justice and subverting the Constitution. I guarantee you it would send a loud message to future ones that would like to try this again. When was the last time someone was actually

executed for treason? Well, I'm not a historian! That's a brilliant, amazing fucking ad. It's absolute radio silence. The moment he says, the guy's just like, beats up! And powers the fuck down. Rosen!

Croson! Okay, I gotta go! Hats. Oh, powers the fuck down. Rosen, Croson, Rosen, Cranston, Guildenstern. Okay. I gotta go. Hats. For treason. Do really no decade. Did you see?

Okay. So watch him exhale. Everybody watch the Mick exhale here. Watch him exhale the moment he asks the question. Reese. Oh, really?

Duck eight? Yeah. He like blows his cheeks out trying to think. He's like, if I'm blowing a bear through my mouth, it'll come out. I swear. I don't know a lot of stuff.

Is that going to be a problem on my own show? Let me go through my extensive knowledge of US history. Columbus said the ocean blew in 1692. Wait, what year was that? What year did you get? 1722. 1692. I'm Chris McDonald right now.

You can't be mad at me. I'm going to vote on 10 more guesses. The turnaround of the nation from 1692 to 1776 is pretty fast. I know it. It does rhyme with two. The turnaround is fast. Two. Yes, it rhymes with ooh, you've got to.

Can I phone a friend, David Barton? Is he available? Ju-ku. There you go. It'd have to be decades. I'm not even sure. It would have to be decades? It would have to be decades.

I mean, technically, he's right. Yes. Yeah, because any number of decades to be decades. It would have to be decades. I mean, technically, he's right. Yes. Yeah, because any number of decades would be fine. As long as he's past one decade. They all happen on the nines. We know McCain was probably executed at this point. We know that. No is a strong word.

It's just like, we know that McCain was executed. No, that's Mark Taylor's thing right now is that John McCain was executed for treason secretly. Yeah. What's the point? And then we snuck in brain cancer to cover it up. Yes, exactly. Yeah, he was in on it apparently

because he told us about the brain cancer. I just see like one of those wizards from a LARP just throwing a beanbag full of brain cancer and it's like brain cancer, brain about the brain cancer. I just see like, I see like one of those wizards from a LARP just throwing a beanbag full of brain cancer. And it's like brain cancer, brain cancer, brain cancer, brain cancer. I love too the idea that like McCain was allowed to continue being a senator while he was. Okay. Here's the thing.

You're not fired or anything. But we're treason. Whatever. Don't ask us a lot of detailed questions. We got to execute him quick before that brain cancer kills him or something. I don't know. So they know we mean business. However, I'm talking before that.

Because not everybody knows that. It's not public knowledge. It's not public knowledge. It's not true, if you will. It's not any kind of knowledge, Mark. I mean, there's nothing to, like, back it up. It's not private knowledge or anything. Not in any of these books behind me.

All you need is, like, one of those. That are clearly real books. I've read a book. It's not in this DVD set of Moana on Blu-ray. Has nothing to do with the letter Q, which I also am aware of that I have a sculpture of. Does he have a sculpture of the letter Q?

Is that what's happening there? I think he does. He's got this red skin sticker. He keeps the questions at the top and then the answers at the bottom of his bookshelf. I have many books of questions

and answers. Oh, that's separate. That's probably a QAnon reference, isn't it? The top shelf. Jesus Christ.

Is that what that is? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, it's absolutely a QAnon reference. Oh,

I thought that's what you made the joke about. Oh, yeah. Keith has this very sad, shocked look on his face right now.

Like, he didn't expect this guy to think QAnon. I thought he just liked that letter. I thought it was just like, 10 points in Scrabble. Awesome. Super sweet letter. Very partial to that letter. I'm gonna buy a sculpture. The top shelf is knock-knock, and the bottom

shelf is who is it, so... Maybe McCain was taken out, but, you know, through execution, even though his own daughter admitted it on national television. You know what I mean it came slipping out so the point being is that literally never happened well and also like

like I don't get it like the wouldn't the daughter be more vocal about it if she already said it on national television wouldn't she just be like well I let it slip already

so yeah they killed my dad and I'm really sad about it instead what is she just like going along I don't get why she would just everyone is in on everything in order for these bullshit conspiracies to work.

It's got to be every single person in power that has a voice has to be somehow involved in this. Gosh, it's... Okay, but what about if I say something like follow the money? Does that convince you? No?

So weird. Yeah, that doesn't actually mean anything when you think about it. No, money actually just sits still you can fuck it as much as you want what what what did you say he said something weird so gentlemen uh if people are going to find your podcasts many of them on the internet where would they look on the internet okay i mean like really you can look up a scathing atheist you can look up the skeptocrat you can look up uh god awful movies there's

another one we do it's not that good it's not very good nobody listens to it no need to no need to listen to that i'll make it even easier on you you see your podcast player great scroll up you see those recommended podcasts that's us yeah guys 500 Right. Yeah. Exactly. Guys, 500 fucking episodes. This is a really big deal. I just want to say, like, so when we started, you guys were right around your 100th episode. I remember,

because you sent in a thing for us. Yes. Yeah. Congratulations on your 100th. Yeah, exactly. That was a big, like, it was early enough in our podcasting career that when I heard my voice on Cognitive Distance,

I was like, oh, that's me. You're talking around about me now. I still feel that way now. So yeah, no, that's, that's, it's really awesome to,

uh, to be able to be a part of this with you guys. Like I said, I've been following you guys the entire way. I started listening to you guys when you were 40, 50 episodes in or something. Um, I thought,

wow, these guys make this look so easy. I would be able to do this too. But, but like, I was waiting for that. Like I started following you. I would be able to do this too. But like seriously. I was waiting for that. I started following you and I thought, I can do this better.

Let me write down literally one note. The thing is, it's pretty easy. Yeah, it's pretty easy. But no, I got to say, you guys were a huge help to us when we first got started. You were the first people that had an audience that made people aware of us and that, that, you know, you really helped us, uh, grow and become what, what our podcast has become.

So it's really as an honor to be able to share this with you guys. And, uh, here's to 500 more. Thank you. Thank you. You know, it's 500 more. I thought we were done. I thought I had a gold watch in the car. Holy shit.

It's Chicago. So he doesn't have that in the car. Holy shit. But it's Chicago, so he doesn't have that in the car anymore. I will say this though. Like I remember. I don't have rims on the car anymore. I remember when we were, when we first started working together, I was very happy that we started to create a show together.

Cause I remember working with you guys on Vulgarity for Charity. By the way, Vulgarity for Charity this year, over $300,000. We got it. Oh, did we get that confirmed? Holy shit. So over $300,000. We got it. Oh, did we get that confirmed? Holy shit. So over $300,000 this year.

And, you know, that's a huge, it's a huge undertaking. When we first started working with you guys on Vulgarity for Charity, Tom and I both were walking out of here one night after one of the calls.

We're like, we've got to work with these guys somehow. We just have so much fun working with you. So citation needed, even though I know a lot of our audience

hasn't followed us over there yet. You guys should. It's a lot of fun. You're missing out, I'm telling you. We even write stuff we can't do anymore. We're like, nope, that's not going out to the public. And so we don't do it. So yeah, but we really have a great time doing it.

And it's a lot of fun to work with you guys and professionally and get a chance to hang out with you guys. And we very happy to have you guys on our 500th show. I mean, you two, Eli, you know, I know they got to take you everywhere, but Keith, Noah,

thank you so much for coming on. It's been a blast, man. I just want to say it was a, I don't think you were invited to. It was not a snarky email. Fuck you. Honestly,

you should totally have cut them off on, on like when you do the edit, it should just be like, I just want to say, I mean, that's the fucking best. So we want to thank our patrons. Of course, we want to thank all our patrons.

And we're going to thank all our patrons. Next week, Ian was on vacation in Australia for a long time since like early November at this point. Which is just rude. Can we just agree that that's rude? We have things to do. That's all I'm saying. And here's

the deal. We need Ian to compile the list and he will. Next week, we will read all our new patrons. So we want to thank all our patrons and we will thank all our new patrons individually next week on next week's show. We just don't have that list in front of us. We promise we will do it next week. We do want to thank all the patrons who

came out to our 500th episode pizza party. We had an amazing time that night and we didn't have a single person. I know some people had sent us messages and said, hey, if somebody cancels last minute, let me know because I can easily come there. It was packed and not a single

person canceled. We gave away gift bags to everybody who, who had, who had signed up and there wasn't a single gift bag at the end of the night. They're all gone. Okay. But to be fair, I took four gift bags. Like I just, I don't know if that was, I assumed a half dozen or so of them were, were for me. So no. Yeah. So it was a great time though. We had a wonderful time. Uh, I don't know. I got a chance to meet a ton of people, some people that have been listening forever. Some people that wind up listening that were at the first picnic that we threw, the picnic that we threw years ago, several people.

Yeah. How crazy is that? Like four or five years ago, we had just this picnic and these really great couple drove down from Wisconsin and they, you know, they came back. They've been sticking with us for that long. You know, things like the picnic or the pizza party, or even having the studio, like all of that stuff is only possible because we have our patrons, our patrons make like, they make the show possible for us to do. And they make it possible for us to do the extras that we try to do too. Yeah. We had an absolute wonderful time. I got a chance to, I think, talk to every single person in the room. It was packed. People loved it.

People had a great time. We wound up closing the place out. We had a great time getting a chance to meet all of you and talk to all of you. We received all your messages afterwards. And so we just want to thank you all for listening and thank you all for joining in on the fun. We had a great time that night.

So we got a couple of messages we want to cover. We got a message from Jamie.. So we got a couple of messages we want to cover. We got a message from Jamie. Talks about French toast pizza. And there's a recipe for French toast pizza, which sounds like you really just take it, dunk it into eggs, and then fry up your pizza the next day into like a quiche-like pizza, I guess.

I don't know. That does not sound bad to me though. The problem is that they start talking about putting maple syrup on it and I'm like, what are you Heath? You're going to put maple syrup on your, what other disgusting shit that doesn't belong on a fucking pizza are

these fucking communists putting it on their goddamn pizza? I will say though, if there was a pizza with French toast on it, Heath would definitely eat it. Alright, we got a message. This is from Fallout Guy and Fallout Guy sent us an image of what is clearly Mitch McConnell. We're going to post it on this week's show notes. It's 5.01. We got a message from Mark and Mark was talking about his, he's had a pretty rough go of it, was a little ill recently. he's had a pretty rough go of it,

was a little ill recently, and he's in Japan, and he was listening to our show, and wound up laughing through some of the pain that he was in. Maybe not great to laugh while you're in pain, but Mark had a really rough go of it. We want to just say hi to Mark and good luck, buddy. Got a message from Adam. He says,

just shows you've never driven in Oregon. We need these fucking taxes because our infrastructure is crumbling. Electronic vehicles use the roads, but don't pay any fucking gas tax, which is how we normally pay for the roads. Can't get gas taxes. Got to make it up elsewhere.

Don't want to pay taxes to use the roads. Buy a fucking bike, Adam says. Yeah, so I just want to say, I think that's a little fallacious and I think it's, it runs counter to the larger goal of reducing carbon emissions. So obviously we want to move more vehicles on the road to be producing less shit into the environment, or we, you know, are going to have more increasingly faster, worse troubles than we already have. So it seems like you can accomplish fixing your infrastructure by squeezing somewhere else. It's sort of like, it's sort of like, you ever see that old commercial Cecil where it's

like, oh, you go to buy a new car and they squeeze you here on the interest rate or they squeeze you. So there's a lot of different ways to get revenue as a state and to move money around. I think it's fallacious thinking to say like the only thing that can pay for infrastructure is gas taxes. Other monies, revenue monies can be used to fix the crumbling infrastructure in your state. And believe me, I know something about crumbling state infrastructure. Illinois' infrastructure is an abomination of unsafe bridges and terrifying roads and potholes you could drive a tank into. So we get it. I do.

We get it. But you don't want to do things that fix your infrastructure and then also de-incentivize people from moving toward cleaner, less polluting vehicles. And there are solutions to that. You can come up with other kinds of taxes. You can move revenue around in other places. It doesn't have to be tit for tat. Tit for tat is a bad way of thinking. And it's a fallacious way of thinking because we don't actually earmark money. In Illinois, a great example of that, of how it doesn't work and money all just gets fucked up, is like the toll roads were originally put in place to build the highways. That's it. They're

going to be temporary. We're going to put them in place. We're going to build the highways. We're going to call it a night. Well, it doesn't happen, right? Because revenue in is just revenue in, and it gets redirected. The same is true for lottery. Lottery money- Yeah, the lottery. I was going to mention that. Yeah. Yeah. Lottery monies are huge sources of revenue for the state and they're supposed to be earmarked specifically for education. And those monies don't always flow directly one for one into what they were originally intended for. You can do both. You can have policies within your state that incentivize reducing carbon emissions because that's just good for the world.

of eyes reducing carbon emissions because that's just good for the world. And then you can fix your crumbling infrastructure by finding other places to, to be frank, squeeze the populace, which is what taxes are, right? So to go one for one is a problem. We got a message from Anthony and Anthony said that he wrote a longer message, but he said that the police are basically an unbiased ways. We are an organ soup of biases. That's all that we are. The idea that any of us can act with total Spock-like objectivity is just, it's not true. You can't. None of you are unbiased. I am not unbiased. We are all trying desperately to check our biases, but most cognitive biases can't. None of you are unbiased. I am not unbiased. We are all trying desperately to check our biases, but most cognitive biases can't even be overcome successfully by checking in the moment, right? So you can go back with sometimes some help or self-reflection and you can go back and realize

your biases afterwards. But in the moment, those are a set of evolutionary heuristics and you're not getting around those and you're not going to behave like Spock. And we have so many examples, so many hundreds of examples at this point of police acting in ways that belie those biases, right? And we know that they're not impartial observers of facts and we know that they're not impartial observers of facts. And we know that they're not making decisions about who to arrest and who's guilty and who's innocent based only on a sober examination of the truth. Or, you know, the true crime documentary fucking phenomenon would have a lot less material.

We got a message, a bunch of messages of people asking if they can keep donating to Vulgarity for Charity. Sadly, the Vulgarity for Charity is over. We, of course, would encourage you to continue to donate to Modest Needs or your favorite charity at this point, but tallying for Vulgarity for Charity has finished. And our total, we wound up,

we want to make sure that we tell everybody what our total is. Our grand total for our audience and the Puzzle and the Thunderstorm audience, we raised $156,546.53. And there was $150,000 match, 125 from one donor, 25,000 from another corporate sponsor. And that wound up getting us to $150,000 match. The grand total of everything was $306,546.53. So over $300,000 from our audience. You just got to look at that and just stare at that in awe, stare at that number in awe at that number. And one of the things that I want to point out too,

is that that's well under 1,500 people that donated that kind of money. So it's a lot of money from a small group of people. I can't imagine what would happen if our listenership for our shows were to donate a much smaller amount but many more people. You could probably crush that number of what we raised this year. So something to think about for next year. Just to give you guys an example, the average gift given by Modest Needs is about $700 to a family in need or a person struggling. So your $306,000 goes an incredibly long way. At way at 700 that funds like 430 some people completely so that's 400 families whose lives are changed and you know think too when when you look

at that and you reflect on the impact that you guys have helped us make, it's 400 gifts, but those gifts ripple, right? So the impact of a charitable gift to me, you know, if I were struggling, you know, I look around and like, I'm responsible for a lot of people. There's a lot of people in my life who, if I'm struggling and I am helped, you know, that's five, six, seven lives that are impacted by that. So you got 400 and change families probably that have been helped by you guys. And you've probably got a multiplier of four to five easy on the amount of impact. So we're talking about thousands of people,

literally thousands of people whose lives this holiday season have been impacted positively by this charity drive. And that's something that really warms my heart to think about. It's fucking incredible. Yeah, and we're gonna hopefully have Keith on to talk about the impact that this has had

on their organization this year and to tell some stories. He's specifically asked some people this year to collect stories. And so he's gonna come on and tell some more stories this year about some of the people that we've helped and some of the people that have been helped by Modest Needs. We'll let you know when that's going to happen. We're hoping it's going to happen sooner rather than later. But we were very excited to work this

year on Vulgarity for Charity. There's still many, many more roasts coming in. In future episodes, we're going to be continuing to do the roasts. We're taking a couple of weeks off so people don't get too sick of it, but we are going to make sure we have a ton of new roasts coming out soon. And we'll be adding those to the shows probably on a monthly basis, moving forward after the first of the year. We want to thank, we want to thank coach Cameron who's been listening forever. He sent us like a congratulations on 500 for seven years.

He's been a fan of the show. We've we've, I remember him from early on. So coach, thanks for listening to us for so long. Yeah. That's amazing. That is. I remember when we got an email from coach Cameron, all those many years ago, Cecil, and I was like, holy shit, dude, I think that guy's in like New Zealand or Switzerland. Do you remember that? When the idea of our voices reaching across the pond like blew us away. Yeah. And I'm so grateful to have all of our listeners, but our listeners specifically that have stuck with us,

you know, for half a decade or more, that's just like, what does 500 mean? That's awesome. We got an image of, someone says, is this Dave Daubenmeier's truck? This is Jason sent this image in. I'm going to post it on this week's show notes. You just got to read all the different things

that are on the back. First off, how do you even see out of the back of this thing? And then secondly, just read some of these things. My favorite, and Tom and I were trying to decipher it earlier. There's a part of this where it says,

step aside girls, the alpha males are back. And there's like five ways to interpret that statement. And none of them are good. But, and also none of them, none of them, none of them get this guy's hands on a bird. You know what I mean? There is no way that step aside girls, the alpha males are back is not something that a lonely, like that is, that is the bumper sticker of somebody lonely, very lonely, lonely A very lonely dude. A very lonely dude.

He's probably going to drive that truck into people later on. We got a message from Mick, the bearded bogan. And I'm going to post it on this week's show notes. It's a Joel Osteen image. Hilarious. We're going to, thank you so much for sending it. We also got an image from Cassandra. And the title is, this is the future liberals want.

I just can't get over how amazing this image is. I'm going to post it on this week's show notes as well. Check it out. This is episode 501. So we are going to be live streaming. It's our hope to live stream this upcoming Thursday night. So we are hoping that we can live stream a little Christmas party.

We may or may not be consuming some eggnog on the air. So check us out. It's going to be, I'm not sure if it's eight or nine. Check our Facebook feed to see how it should be. Probably nine o'clock. I imagine our time. That's what we're going to try to aim for. And in the upcoming year,

it's our goal to try to put out more of these, these live streams to YouTube and all the other places that this streams to at a regular time over every week, short live stream, you know, maybe 20 or 30 minutes, but we're hoping we can put something like that out every week or every week that we're in the studio on Thursdays. But this Thursday, we should be in the studio and we should be, uh, we should be doing a little Christmas party. So come check us out. Um, come check out the live stream. It should be a lot of fun. Cecil, can't we do something like black tar heroin instead? Like,

does it have to be as bad as eggnog i feel like i feel like that little stovetop kid who's like why not both we want to thank the puzzle and the thunderstorm guys the citation needed guys the gam guys the scathing guys the skeptic guys for joining us this week on uh on cognitive dissonance i joined them for Skeptocrat last week. So go ahead and tune into the Skeptocrat for last week. We had a lot of fun. They recorded it here in studio

and we had a great time doing that. They were great to have in studio. We had a lot of fun with them over the weekend. A lot of people got a chance to meet them at the pizza party and we just had a wonderful time. We were happy we could share it with them. They've been very close friends with us for a while, for a couple years at least, since we started

Citation Needed, maybe even a little before. So we want to thank them for joining us. Check out all their stuff, Puzzle and the Thunderstorm stuff. You can go to Scathing Atheist. We're going to post all the links on this week's show notes, but Scathing Atheist, GAM, Godawful Movies, you can listen to Skeptocrat, and Citation Needed.

So if you haven't heard citation needed, it's a fun show that we put together, uh, with them every week. Uh, it's a lot of fun and they are very funny guys and fun to work with. So that is going to wrap it up for this week. We are going to leave you like we always do with the skeptics.

Creed credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter. Mommy issue. Hypno Babylon bullshit couched in scientician double bubble toil and trouble pseudo quasi alternative acupunctuating pressurized stereogram pyramidal free energy healing water downward spiral brain dead pan sales pitch late night info docutainment leo pisces cancer cures detox reflex foot massage death and towers tarot cards psychic healing crystal balls bigfoot yeti aliens churches mosques and

synagogues temples dragons giant worms atlantis dolphins truthers birthers witches wizards vaccine nuts shaman healers evangel evangelists, conspiracy, double-speak stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and information provided on this podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. All opinions are solely that of Glory Hole Studios, LLC. Cognitive dissonance makes no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness,

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