Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 507: Networking Marketing Tombs
Episode Date: January 20, 2020Stories from the Week...
Transcript
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Recording live from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago,
this is Cognitive Dissonance.
Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way.
We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad.
It's skeptical.
It's political.
And there is no welcome at this episode 507 of Cognitive Dissonance.
And Cecil, you know what's amazing about a week like this?
You know what's amazing about a world that we're living in right now?
about a week like this,
you know what's amazing about a world
that we're living in right now?
Is this week,
the articles of impeachment
were sent from the House
to the Senate
and you and I talked about politics
and a bunch of other stuff
just as we ate dinner
and it didn't even come up.
Yeah.
Like we're in a place
where it's like,
you and I skipped over it.
We glossed over it.
Yeah.
I'm worried about like
40 different things
and I forgot to even remember
in that conversation. We glossed over it. How
fucking crazy is that? Like, it's not just Australia that's on fire. It's like our whole
fucking world is on fire right now. It's unreal. We will save a lot of that talk for this week in
Trump. There is going to be some election talk. We're hoping to get to some Russian hacking
in the show, but we will save all that talk for the end of the show.
He's hoping the right word.
Cecil.
Tom, sometimes I say the wrong thing.
I frequently.
Whoa, that's a full rainbow all the way.
Double rainbow.
Oh, my God.
It's a double rainbow all the way.
Whoa.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's a double rainbow all the way. Whoa. Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Woo.
Oh my God.
That's mean.
That's mean.
Too much.
That's what it means.
So I want to talk about, well, a whole bunch of
crazy shit today. So this story comes from
wave3.com, no less you think
that's bullshit. I think it's an NBC affiliate.
Rainbow shirt and cake,
a lifestyle violation.
Student expelled from private school.
So there's this school, and I
actually grabbed this story
because the name of this school tells you
everything you need to know
yeah it's called whitefield academy
and i love it because it's like welcome to privilege university
where our doors are open that sometimes to the right people is a killer name for an online
university privilege university are you kidding me we should start a privilege university Open sometimes to the right people. It is a killer name for an online university.
Privilege University?
Are you kidding me?
We should start a Privilege University
and all the classes are a little late
because that's when you're woke.
Afternoon class is a Privilege University.
The syllabus requirements, be white.
On being white, the joys of being,
like all, it's like the joys of cooking,
the joys of white.
You're just like, oh, you know.
White music.
All the pages in this are blank.
There's no white music.
You tricked me.
Take a white dance class as everyone's doing the Carlton.
You're like, this is ironic because that's a black guy that does it, but it's still a Taking white dance classes. Everyone's doing the Carlton. You're like, this is ironic
because that's a black guy that does it.
But it's still a weirdly white dance.
That guy's amazing.
The Carlton.
Didn't he,
I think he trademarked that dance.
Did he really?
Because I remember there was a video game.
Now maybe I'm misremembering this.
And I hate if I am misremembering this.
If I am misremembering this, I I hate if I am misremembering this. If I am misremembering this,
I'm going to edit it out of the show.
So, I remember there was a Carlton dance
on one of the video games I played
because dances and emotes happen on video games.
And so, you type in dance and it does.
The certain character may do that dance
or not do that dance.
And the Carlton was in there
and they got sued or something
and they had to take it down.
And so it was the Carlton
or it was a different dance and if it was a different
dance, no one heard this.
So this is great. And it's not great
because it's terrible. So there's a private school called
Whitefield Academy, which is
exactly what you probably think that it is.
And there was a 14-year-old student.
She attended Whitefield Academy up until her birthday,
where she decided to wear a rainbow outfit,
and she got a cake that had a rainbow on it.
And her mom took a picture of it and put it on fucking Facebook.
And then she got expelled as a lifestyle violation.
Yeah, it was the final straw in
the lifestyle violations for them.
When you're
so fucking delicate,
like when you are the fucking
wilting flower of fucking terror
and fear, so much so that you're
like, look, if a little
girl likes a rainbow
at home,
she cannot learn what we have to teach her at our school could you
imagine being so triggered by a rainbow that you see it and you immediately flip your shit right
could you imagine living in a living your life like that they and i can't i can't because i want
to walk around and not be afraid of the fucking world that I live in.
I want to like, you know, not be afraid of the fucking refraction of light through a prism.
What if it wasn't?
Because I'm not a giant fucking pussy.
What if it was a dark side of the moon shirt?
Because it has the prism on it.
Yeah.
The Plink-Foy prism that shows the rainbow.
Yeah.
Is that rainbow okay?
Man. Is that rainbow okay? Man.
Is that not a gay rainbow?
Couldn't she argue, like, that's like a covenant rainbow?
Oh, yeah.
You could just say, hey, that's a...
Or just argue I'm 14 and I like rainbows.
Like, I'm thinking of, like, my fucking daughter and my wife fucking love rainbows.
They just do because like some
people like colorful things
and that's how the world works
rainbows are pretty
the end when I see a rainbow I'm a 40 fucking
one year old man when I see a rainbow
I'll point it out to anyone nearby
I'm like ah rainbow
cause I
still think they're pretty
you know she should try to appeal this.
And she should use tort law.
Oh, right.
It's a kind of cake.
It's a kind of cake.
It's a kind of cake.
Speaking of cakes.
Yes.
Best cake, worst cake.
Worst cake?
Oh, worst cake is easier than best cake.
Worst cake is probably our same
I think we're going to have the same worst cake
Alright, well, worst cake is
One, two, three, tres leches
Oh, I've got to change my answer
I was going to say grocery store vanilla cake
Oh, okay, yeah, that's bad too
Grocery store vanilla cake is inedibly sweet
Anything that uses fluid flux
Fluid flex, I think it's called
Fluid flux, fluid flex. I forget what it is.
Air conditioning fluid.
So if you go to the grocery store,
they don't use butter
or high quality shortening even.
They don't use butter.
I got to show you what it is.
Or any of these.
They use fast.
Ew.
It comes in a tub
and it's the grossest shit
you've ever seen
so the ingredients are soybean oil
glycerol lacto esters of fatty acids
vegetable monodiglycerines
tbhq added to protect flavor
that's important
without that tbhq
the flavor just
it couldn't even walk down a street at night
to explain the texture of this
imagine if you went to Starbucks
and instead of they put milk in that steamer,
someone just jizzed in a cup
and then they steamed that.
That's demonic.
Seriously, it's the grossest, nastiest shit
and it tastes horrible.
Like it's literally the worst.
It's an awful flavor.
And it leaves a chemical taste
on all kinds of baking goods.
Yeah, it explains it.
So if you go into a grocery store and you get the cheap cake, you're not getting butter,
you're not getting shortening, you're getting fluid flex, which that song Vaseline, that's
what you're getting.
It's a little, it's like a little less viscosity.
I don't know, viscosity, maybe viscosity is the wrong word.
It's a little less firm than Vaseline,
but it is essentially Vaseline.
It's the foulest shit you've ever seen.
Okay, but it pours,
and then it's like one of those sticky hands.
Once it stops, it like slurps itself
back up into the bucket.
It's awful.
I am still trying to decide if that is worse.
If that's worse than the Tres Leches?
Tres Leches.
Yeah.
Tres Leches cake is cake somebodyches. Yeah. Tres Leches cake
is cake somebody else,
baby bird cake.
Yeah.
Somebody else chewed it.
Baby bird cake
is what it is.
You just have to,
when you go to the restaurant,
you open your mouth.
Yeah.
And then the waiter comes by,
shakes himself a few times,
and then deposits it
in your open mouth.
Like a cat vomit,
just like that,
like shoulder thing they do.
They're like all the skin from ass to shoulders chasing itself forward.
And he's got to back up a little bit while he does it.
He's got to take a couple steps back.
I got to get away from this.
I'm moving out.
So the first time I ever had Tres Leches cake was at work.
And a very, very nice woman that I used to work with was like,
you never had T like no i've
never had it she's like it's so good it's so moist and i was like who doesn't want a moist cake that
sounds amazing right an amazing a moist cake sounds good you know like a cake should not be a
sponge used to soak up the dishwasher fluid like it's's fucking wretched. It's awful.
The texture of Tres Leches cake is mind-numbingly bad.
It's the worst.
It's the grossest thing.
It's baby food.
It's baby food.
Baby food for a baby you don't even love.
It's true.
Baby food for that ugly baby
that's like your neighbor's baby.
It's shaken baby food.
That's what it is.
Shaken baby and I helped.
Favorite cake? Oh, i you're gonna laugh at
me i fucking love carrot cake carrot cake love carrot cake is excellent you've just got to make
sure that the frosting's got to be on point yeah if the frosting's not on point yeah it's it's not
even close to middle of the pack it's a a bad cake. I agree with you. Yeah.
When a carrot cake is good.
My,
my wife makes an amazing carrot cake and it's like,
and,
and you know,
you know what else makes a terrific carrot cake is Gibson's the steakhouse
Gibson's.
Okay.
Oh my God.
That cake is so good.
And the best part is when you order it,
they bring you like,
Oh,
cake.
It's amazing.
So much cake.
Chicago's steakhouses go out of their way to out,
try to outdo each other.
And they, they basically try to cover up
as much of the plate as they can
and then also go seven to eight inches tall.
Yeah, it's huge.
It's like a black man's penis.
It's that high.
It needs a magnum to cover it.
That's what they give you as a doggy bag
to take it home.
I seriously wilt every time I order.
I'm just like, all right, whatever.
It's cold in my pants.
I've had it at a couple of big steakhouses here in Chicago.
And again, it's been meh.
But it depends on the place.
My mother made the very best in the world.
I have the recipe at home and it's the very best.
I've never had carrot cake as good as the carrot cake
my mother used to make.
And it's just, but there's few of this.
Those aren't, they're not all over.
My favorite cake is soccer torte.
That's absolutely.
Soccer torte's delicious.
Soccer torte's my favorite.
It's almond chocolate layers with a apricot filling inside covered with a coat of chocolate frosting and then ganache. And it's chocolate and
fruit, but it's a good combination of chocolate and fruit. It's very good. I like that cake quite
a bit. But carrot cake's very high up on my list. Banana cake, when it's done well, is excellent.
Absolutely excellent. I'm trying to think if I've had banana cake.
Really? Yeah, I'm trying to think if I've ever had banana cake.
It's moist. It's got a delicious flavor to it. Normally has a very'm trying to think if I've had banana cake. Really? Yeah, I'm trying to think if I've ever had banana cake. It's moist.
It's got a delicious flavor to it.
Normally has a very similar icing to carrot cake.
Very good. Banana cake.
Very good.
Yeah, banana cake.
Now I got to try banana cake.
Banana cake's excellent.
Yeah, huge fan of that.
Tell us what your favorite cake is, everybody.
I want to hear about your cake.
Yeah, tell us what your favorite cake is.
People are just going to send us like fucking those cake farting videos and stuff.
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as well. But this, in the school,
let's roll back to the school real quick. So
in the school, this girl gets
expelled because she had
too many lifestyle violations.
And
I think the reason why we talk about this
is twofold.
One, it sucks because there's a chance that this girl is going to the best school in her area.
That's true.
Because we underfund public schools like mad, especially in poorer communities.
The Catholic school or Christian school in this case might be the very best opportunity you have for the best teachers
around. That's true. I didn't even think about that. Yeah, that's true. And it's a sad state
of affairs. What we should do is fund the public schools. Betsy DeVos, of course, is not doing
anything to help this at all. It's amazing how billionaire Amway heirs don't make for the best
secretaries of education. They don't care so much about the little guy, it turns out. They'd rather
just sell them Amway. So weird. We're going to learn about the pyramids. No, we're
not.
You can't say that here. We're not going to
allow you to say the word pyramid.
Okay. So anyway, in Egypt
there's the network
marketing tombs.
But the other thing is that it might be the best school nearby,
but it also makes us think,
this should be something that we stop from going into public schools.
We constantly want to try to stop public schools from getting even the remotely religious because we're afraid of things
like this something like this could happen what okay first you put up the the 10 commandments
then what happens then what happens then what happens three three steps down the road we have
lifestyle violations yeah this is the this is like the same kind of shit they do it like places like
byu right yeah like where they decide what kind of person you're allowed to be.
It's so funny, like, how many people are like, you know what I don't want?
I don't want the government stepping in, telling me what to do.
I want my church to do it because, my gum, that's different.
What the fuck?
Right, right, right.
Like, what the fuck? Like, the fuck yeah what is like seriously like
this is a girl who's like yeah i took a picture on my private facebook well nothing on fucking
facebook is private somebody screenshot that shit sent it to the principal unbelievable you're
expelled and even after appealing the decision all the school said was tell you what we'll change it
from an expulsion to like a voluntary withdrawal withdrawal yeah um which so me you don't have an expulsion from school on your fucking public record or
whatever yeah yeah you know i do want to i do want to say something to all those students out there
um and i and i mean this none of this fucking matters yeah it all feels a whole lot like it
matters because you're like in it right you're in're in it. You're in it. You're surrounded by it. Look, there's a forest outside your trees. Oh my gosh. None of this matters.
There's no such thing as your public record. It's just not a thing that follows you around
for the rest of your life. I work for a Fortune 300 company. I hire a lot of people. I don't check
people's educational references. It's not a thing. I don't know how well somebody did in high school.
I have no fucking idea.
It matters if you're trying to get into the Ivy League or something.
Outside of that, for the rest of all of the rest of us,
you're going to be okay.
There's a hundred wonderful ways to go out into the world
and to be okay and to leave the fucking trauma
of your high school
bullshit behind and it does
not follow you into the real world.
You can walk away from it
like that.
Not just the
trauma that these types of people,
but even just the drama, the trauma
drama that happens in high school itself.
I can't even remember it.
I can't even remember the times that I was made fun of or bullied or any of that. I high school itself. I can't even remember it. I can't even remember the times
that I was made fun of or bullied
or any of that. I forgot about it.
None of it. There are times
in high school, and I know you've felt this.
I've felt this. Everybody feels it. It's like a universal experience.
There are times in high school
where this thing happens and
your fucking blood rushes to your face
and you're just so fucking embarrassed.
And it's like... Bent over and farted.
Oh my God.
In front of the whole class.
Did you ever get pantsed?
No, I never got pantsed.
I remember like I was in like eighth grade and that was like a thing people did. Is it a thing
people did in your school? Like they-
It happened on occasion. Sure. Yeah.
They pants you, right? And I remember I got pantsed and I remember how incredibly embarrassed I was. And I know that being pantsed was a,
like it was a thing our people did in our high school, in our junior high rather.
And what's funny is when I look back, the only one I remember being pantsed is me.
Yeah. You don't remember anybody else. I don't remember anybody else. And nobody else remembers
me. And that is universally true. No one gives a shit none of it none of it has any lasting
impact unless you bring it with you yeah because nobody else remembers sure sure what it's not even
scratch and sniff but if rich people think it's good i'll buy it one art please what a clever
impersonation of a stupid poor person how much is that placemat actually worth, Brannigan?
Exactly $1 billion.
Now that's walking around money.
So this next story comes from Business Insider.
Weirdly enough, Business Insider from Australia.
Alexandria Acacio-Cortez said,
Cheering for soaring stock prices while wages stay low is inequality in a nutshell.
Business Insider checked this out. They made some charts, CISO, which we're going to talk about, cheering for soaring stock prices while wages stay low is inequality in a nutshell. Business
Insider, check this out. They made some charts, Cecil, which we're going to talk about because
nothing is better on an auditory medium than a visual representation of a truth. Nonetheless,
I think we can describe it pretty well. And I think you should go check out the show notes
so you could see this story because it's important to see these things. When we scrolled past these
earlier before when we were doing our show prep,
Tom hadn't seen the story yet and he was blown away by the discrepancies
and just by the sheer weight
of one side of this graph.
You know, and we'll tell you about it,
but to Cecil's point,
I mean, just seeing some of these things
is like, wow, holy fuck.
So let's talk about-
Let's start the conversation by saying,
of course, right?
I think this is a pretty easy comment
to make about the whole thing.
We've been talking about this for a while.
Stock market does not show
a trend in the rest of the economy.
It shows how well stocks are doing.
It shows how well very rich people mostly are doing.
Right, yeah.
So I don't...
When I say the wealth, I don't, the,
when I say the wealth,
I don't mean I actually have any wealth,
but like my,
my,
my net worth as a,
as a,
my financial net worth,
I'm trying to think of how,
what percentage of that might be tied to the stock market.
And I don't want to speak for anybody else,
but for me,
the only value I have in stocks is in my 401k. I have no stocks.
Me too. I've never personally purchased. I have a retirement account as well. And that
retirement account is fed by both me and my work. And slowly, trust me, very fucking slowly,
because I don't make a lot of money. So it's very slowly fed, but it purchases types of stocks and sells them, I guess,
and buys them and sells them and invests in some
and then just divests in others.
And I make money somehow.
Yeah.
Well, or sometimes you lose, right?
And it's over time.
Yeah.
But when I'm thinking about it,
I know that my contribution is 3%.
And my employer contributes, they match up to 3%,
which is why I contribute 3%.
Sure.
So, 6% of my yearly financial value is tied to the stock market in some way.
And that's a tiny, minuscule percentage that I don't get to access until I'm old.
Until you're old, yeah.
My spending power as a consumer is in no way, my spending decisions are in no way influenced by this.
Don't even think about it.
So-
Why would you?
I can't access this money
without paying big penalties and fees.
So I have accessed some of it in the past
when I bought my house.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
I could leverage a little bit for a down payment.
And so I did.
And I had to pay fees on it
and then also pay interest on some of this stuff
because I took out a loan.
Right, yeah.
So, yeah.
Yeah, it's so funny.
You borrow money from yourself.
You borrow money from yourself.
Yeah.
And then you pay interest against yourself.
Against who?
Nobody.
Because it's a company that just manages it somehow.
And then they bleated me for interest.
Yeah.
The whole thing is kind of insane.
Yeah.
But like, and we are
and I'll say that like
we are super fucking lucky
even to have
sure
like a 401k
or IRA of some kind
like
and it's still
single digit percentages
of your net worth.
It's tiny.
It's a tiny amount
but the people at the top
have a lot of money
invested in this
and many of the people who get paid lots and lots and
lots of money from these large corporations, that's the money that they get paid in. And
that's where their wealth is. Right. Yes. And yes, that's where they're when they talk about
Jeff Bezos, he doesn't have a big fucking vault with 800 billion dollars in it or whatever he has.
Right. He's like 108 billion dollars. That guy's net worth is tied directly to the value of his shares in his company.
Not his, that his paycheck.
Yeah.
Like you and I, like I build wealth through my paycheck.
Like, like my assets as a, as a, as a person walking around in the world, it's tied to
my fucking biweekly paycheck.
You know, every other, I get my paycheck
and I'm just like,
oh God, I need this so much.
Thank God.
You know, right.
Yeah, it's like Zelda
when you finally catch that fairy
and it fills your fucking hearts up.
Yeah.
But like most,
that's how it is
for most everybody in the country.
Nearly all of us.
Yeah.
But there's a tiny fraction of people
at the very top
that almost all of their money
comes from investment income. So when you look at, and this business insider illustrates this
very well, when you look at the share of Americans who own stocks and they calculate that by the net
worth of Americans, if you're in the 90th to 100th percentile,
51% of those people have stocks.
If you're in the 75th to 89th percentile,
25% of those people have stocks.
So the top 25% of America
has 75% of the stocks.
75% of all the stock
is concentrated in 25% of the people.
So you cannot have a stock market which drives wealth to the majority.
Yeah.
Because 75% of people have 19, 21% of the stock.
Yeah.
21.
Yeah.
It's a tiny amount.
If you're in the bottom quarter of wealth, the amount that you've got in stock holdings is $1,700.
That's it. That's not a retirement account. That's for the bottom quarter on wealth, the amount that you've got in stock holdings is $1,700. That's it.
That's not a retirement account.
That's for the bottom quarter
on average.
You can't retire on $1,700.
$1,700?
What the fuck are you going to do?
I don't care if you retire
to fucking Vietnam.
You're not...
I don't care where you retire to.
There's no place on earth
that's $1,700
unless it's 30 seconds
before a nuclear died.
Right.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Right.
Yeah.
That will maybe buy you a plane ticket
to die somewhere else.
That's about it.
But if you're in the 90th to 100th percentile,
and this is really the most telling,
your value of stock holdings is 200 grand, right?
Step that down one level,
and it drops by almost 90%.
So the 75th to 89th percentile, $28,000 in stock.
$28,000 in stocks. You should see this graph. You should just see this graph just to look at it,
just to see it. What does it tell you about the concentration of wealth? It's that the stock
market prices for the normal Joe don't mean anything. They don't mean shit. They don't mean
anything. Hey, man, you got a couple grand in stocks. They went up 3% today.
How do you feel?
I don't fucking know.
That's a KitKat.
Yeah.
That's a KitKat when I'm 70.
Yeah.
What am I going to do?
I don't even get it now.
Right.
Yeah.
Hey, when you're 70, you got a KitKat.
Oh, okay.
Fuck me.
I don't care.
Yeah.
I'm dying fucking working at this garbage factory all the time.
Yeah.
I don't even know why there is a garbage factory.
Why am I working there? Value of retirement accounts by net worth also just, wow. If you're
in the top, if you're in the top 10%, the value of a retirement account, 630,000. The next 75 to 90%,
198, a third, a little less than a third. And the next one, the next percentile, which is 50 to 75,
it's down to 50,000 in your retirement accounts. All it does, all this, all these graphs do is
reinforce that the people at the very top are the ones that own stocks and care about the stock
market. And when the stock market's doing well, they're doing well and they gain more wealth.
And that's all it means. That's it. And there's plenty of people right now,
even bullish people,
are saying,
we're in an area right now
where a crash could be pretty dramatic
for the nation.
And they're thinking a crash is coming.
And I just read something
that the Fed is talking about
three rate drops next year.
Three rate drops.
If the Fed drops rates three times to avoid recession,
and we have a cyclical boom and bust cycle in our economy,
I guess all things would be cyclical if they have a cycle,
but what the fuck are we going to do
when we do have a recession?
When you finally have to pay-
You're not going to have any tools.
When you got to pay,
when you finally have to pay up,
you're going to be, the bill's not going to be great. Let me tell you, you're going to have any tools. When you got to pay, when you finally have to pay up, you're going to be,
the bill's not going to be great.
Let me tell you,
you're going to look at it.
I'm going to borrow one credit card
to pay my other crowd.
God, that got worse.
I don't know if I told this story on the air,
but I love this story.
I was on my first cruise with my wife.
We took a honeymoon cruise,
but we had to take it six months after we got married
because we were poor.
And so we decided to take the cruise.
Two weeks before we go on the cruise, my wife loses her job. I remember that. And so we decided
we're only going to do two drinks a night if we're going to have a drink because drinks are
not free on cruises. So you have to pay it for them. So I decided, you know what,
but I don't want to not drink and I don't want to not have fun, but we can't just spend a lot of money
because drinks are like
what it would cost in Chicago for a drink.
Oh, wow.
So it's expensive.
You buy a bottle of beer,
it's an $8 bottle of beer,
$6 to $8 bottle of beer.
You buy a mixed drink,
it's a $12 mixed drink.
I was getting,
if I got a scotch,
which was what I was drinking back then,
if I got a scotch neat,
it was between $15 and $18 for that scotch.
Wow, yeah.
So it's a high-end bar in Chicago.
Right.
And so we decided we weren't going to do this.
4 a.m., the middle of the week,
they go around the cruise ship
and they slide a,
because you don't have cash on a cruise ship.
So you don't walk up with a cash.
I don't just walk up to the bar
and say, here's 50 bucks.
I can't do that.
They won't accept cash.
They don't even accept it. What you have to do is walk up and say, here's 50 bucks. I can't do that. They won't accept cash. They don't
even accept it. What you have to do is walk up and say, here's my room key. And then they charge
it to your room. And they do this so that you never have really a running total of how much
you're charging. They do it so that they can obfuscate the running total. So you spend more
money because you think here's this thing and I don't have any repercussions right now. I have
to worry about that in the future and future self might be fucked, but I don't care because, because current self is having a blast. Yeah. I might not live
till next week. Exactly. At the rate I'm drinking, that's a distinct possibility. Exactly. So, uh,
so you put it on your room key middle of the week, they come around with a sort of tally that says,
Hey, you're at X amount of dollars right now. They give you a midweek,
and this was a while ago.
This was in 2000 when we got married.
So it was in 2000 when we took the cruise.
So it was, back then it was all printable.
You might have an app or something for it now
or a TV might be able to show you what it was.
But back then it was not available.
You just couldn't just look it up.
So they would come around with these printed out papers.
Four in the morning, they deliver them.
4.15, I get a call.
I don't know anybody on the cruise ship.
Oh, shit.
I don't know anybody.
4.15 in the morning, what the fuck?
I answer the call.
Yeah, right.
Hello, this is what I hear.
Dude, I got my bill, bro.
And I said, huh, man,
I got my bill for this week for half of the week, dude.
And I said, you have the wrong number.
And he said, I do have the wrong number.
But one person on that boat was genuinely shocked,
genuinely fucked by it.
Tommy, where are you from?
New Orleans.
Oh, no, like originally.
Yeah, that one, you know, Louisiana.
Okay.
The accent threw me off.
What accent?
Cecil, we talked about this a little bit before the show.
You sent me these stories.
We listen to The Daily, which is a great New York Times podcast.
If you're not listening to it,
you might want to give it a shot.
You know, a quick recap.
2016, Russia meddled in the goddamn elections.
100% did.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
We don't get to have a conversation
called if that happened or maybe what.
We don't get to have the it's a hoax conversation. No. Because that's not, that's not a, it's a true thing that happened. maybe what we don't get to have the it's a hoax conversation no because that's
not that's not a it's a true thing that happened right yeah and you know when foreign hostile
foreign countries are able to influence who drives who's in control they're manipulating
your future they're manipulating the policies that dictate your future
that dictate like who's beholden to who, what you're going to get in terms of a foreign policy,
all that kind of shit. And man, 2020, like it's not like we learned a lesson. This is the point
of these stories. Two New York Times stories are going to go over. We clearly did not learn a
lesson. So I guess like what i want to say before we start is
fucking grab your ankles and hold on yeah because we didn't fix it nope and it's about to get much
worse yeah and i don't know why we don't care but if you don't care care enough to fucking vote
yeah so new york times chaos is the point russian hackers and trolls grow stealthier in 2020. So
bottom line of this article, it's a very long article.
Bottom line of this article is
Russia is employing
similar tactics
to what they used in 2016 because those
tactics were successful. Yeah.
But they have since refined
many of those tactics and
they have added. It's a multi-pronged
approach now.
Right.
And they also,
there was ways to check up on these people because they,
they had infiltrated some of the, uh,
electronic spaces that these people were in.
And those people have gone stealthy.
They've gotten out of those things and gone to higher encryption,
uh,
places on the internet and,
uh, modes of communication. And now we are
literally in the dark about one of these agencies. I don't remember if it was like fucking Glitter
Bear or Punky Bear. Yeah, they got crazy names. Like Big Stink and Little Fish and all this
crazy stuff. It was a lot of Care Bear references. It was like bear stuff because it's Russian, right? Yeah, bears. It was like fuzzy bear.
Fuzzy bear and cuddly bear.
Cuddly bear or snuggle bear.
But they went under, they've essentially disappeared.
They're off the grid now.
So nobody has any real tabs on them.
Right.
And they were being tracked, you know, so they were being tracked
by government watchdog agencies
like by,
and like our,
basically like our security agencies,
the NSA,
the FBI.
We're not talking about like,
well,
golly,
Tom doesn't know where they went.
Who cares?
Like the NSA doesn't know
where they went,
right?
But the answer is not away.
Yeah.
The answer isn't like,
well,
guys,
close up shop.
I guess we're Russia
and we don't want to infiltrate America's
we don't want to destroy fundamentally
America's democracy from the inside out
and watch it crumble into a state
of divisive chaos because
I don't know, we suddenly decided that wasn't
nice. We all got tour guide jobs
instead.
It turns out I'm going to show some nice
people the Winter Palace. I also speak American.
Can show you Winter Palace.
I want to talk for a second about
a while back.
Do you remember when we first heard of
Anonymous, you and I?
Do you remember when we first...
It was years ago when they came on
the scene.
I remember the conversation that we had about
it because they were leaking, Anonymous was leaking documents that were beneficial to our
point of view. And I remember the conversation that we had was, one, I don't like this because
it's illegal and I don't like the feeling of this,
this leaking of documents.
I think it's sneaky and gross.
While I certainly agree with the things that are coming out
and want to see some of those things come to light,
I think that the way in which you get them does matter.
But the other thing I remember saying to you was,
I don't know if I believe them.
They're just a random person who found something
and now they're leaking it to me.
How do I know they didn't alter it?
How do I know they didn't change it up?
How do I know that they are not lying to me?
Okay, I think it's fair to say though
that you can trust people who steal
to tell you the truth.
Especially if they're from a different government
that is actively trying to hurt you.
Maybe not.
And so I don't even know at this point because one of the things about the other story that this is in conjunction with is that the Russians hacked into Burisma, the place where they're trying to get the dirt on Joe Biden's son, Hunter Biden.
Yep. So they're trying to find. So the Joe Biden's son, Hunter Biden. Yep.
So they're trying to find, so the Russians hacked into that.
They did a phishing scam.
Right.
A very sophisticated phishing scam, which is how they got Podesta back in the day.
They did a sophisticated phishing scam and they got into Burisma.
How do you know what's true, right?
How do you know?
And they could-
It's the chain of evidence question, right?
They can leak whatever they want yeah you know there's a reason that like the chain of evidence has to remain unbroken in
order for it to be presentable at trial right and that's because if you don't have an unbroken chain
of evidence you don't know at what point that evidence has been manipulated and so it becomes
untrustworthy to be presented when things matter the problem here is like, things don't matter anymore.
Like truth doesn't matter
in the same way that truth used to matter.
Like what matters is like
getting people to shift a little.
And what the Russians
and like the trolls
have become very good at,
they're not trying to get everybody
to pivot all at the same time.
Not trying to get everybody to pivot
in the same way on the same things.
It's just that if everybody pivots just a little today.
Just a touch.
And just a little tomorrow.
And they just keep moving that forward.
One of the things that I think was really telling from the first article is that chaos is the goal, right?
Yeah. So if you are the enemy of the United States and you want to subvert and control and exert control over your enemy, one of the things that you're going to do is you're going to create a tremendous amount of chaos and divisiveness.
Because the more we're fighting with each other, the less rational we are, the less connected, socially united, empathetic.
Sure.
And that's happening, man. Like, We don't have much of a cohesive society
anymore. I don't think that we do. When I think about what does America mean, that's a harder
question to answer now than it used to be. And we don't care about whether things are true anymore
the same way we used to care about whether things are true. Sure. That's the direct result of a lot of this interference.
Yeah.
And it's getting worse and they're getting better at doing it.
And even as we know they're doing it, we're letting them.
Yeah.
Like there's legislation sitting on Mitch McConnell's desk right now that would fund
a lot of systems to beef up the security for our election results.
And it's just going to sit and languish on his desk and we're not going to spend the money.
And like Facebook is the primary tool that's being used
by these bots, by these trolls, by these hackers to influence
American perception of the world. And Facebook has come out and said,
I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to change any of my,
I'm not going to make any significant'm not going to change any of my I'm not going to make any significant changes
to our security policies
to our vetting
it's just not in the interest of our bottom line
so like our democracy
is being taken from us
by a hostile foreign actor
and we're just looking at each other like
hey fuck us comrade
wait what
now I talk like this and drink vodka.
What is happening?
To your point,
I will say that Trump has actively encouraged
other governments to do this.
He's winked and nudged
when he told Vladimir Putin not to meddle.
Yeah, not to meddle in our election.
He's asked other people to look into this.
He specifically asked China and Russia
to look into the Ukraine. He specifically asked them to do it. He specifically asked China and Russia to look into the Ukraine.
He specifically asked them to do it.
He stood on TV and was like...
On the fucking lawn with his helicopter
fucking whopping around behind him.
Well, I, like, we have to get
to a place... It's so frustrating,
Cecil, because, like,
like, I don't know how to make this matter,
but it does matter. And if it
doesn't matter enough to get people to do the one thing that they can do that will matter, which is to turn out and vote, like, I don't know how to make this matter, but it does matter. And if it doesn't matter enough to get people
to do the one thing that they can do that will matter,
which is to turn out and vote.
Like we are letting, like, let's be clear.
Like if you don't vote,
you are letting fucking old shitty people
decide the fate of your world.
Like the fate of the world rests power-wise,
demographically, it rests in the hands of young people
who will not through apathy, it rests in the hands of young people who will not,
through apathy, rest it from the hands of the people who are fucking you right now.
You are getting fucked by these people. And all you got to do is show up and kick these fuckers
out. Mitch McConnell does not have a fucking lifetime appointment to the goddamn Senate.
He's up for reelection this year. This year.
Like, there are more young people
in fucking Kentucky than there are old people.
If you don't like him, you can show up
and kick his ass out, and then maybe we can get
something done. I think you have to vote.
I think that's absolutely true. I think one of
the things that this is trying to do
is make us paranoid.
And it's succeeding. Yeah.
Because it's
similar to if you had a dog
and you just hit it a bunch of times
and then you lift your hand to it
and you don't hit it,
but it still flinches.
Right.
We're in the same position.
We're still flinching.
We're flinching every time.
There was a part of this-
Well, then you get hit in the arm twice
because you had two for the fucking flinching.
Yeah, exactly.
And then there's a slug bug that comes by.
God dang, arm sore for a week.
Then you got a flu shot.
Yeah.
Same arm.
I got a tetanus shot this week.
Hurt like a motherfucker for three days.
But no, this article and in the podcast,
they talk specifically about a place
where there was weird voting shit going on.
People were cleared from the voting rolls.
Why were they cleared from voting rolls?
What the hell happened? Why
is this happening? Is this Russian interference?
And then they come across and
there's some clear
suspicion where people are
running about being like,
are they actually hacking into us?
Are they ruining our system?
And then they find out, no, it wasn't nefarious
at all. It was just clerical
error problems. But we're so worried about it and so hypersensitive to it
that we are freaking out about it all the time.
And that is not good.
We're not in a good position and we wouldn't have to worry.
All we'd have to do is we wouldn't have to worry as much
if there was someone paying attention and trying to stop it.
If we could rely on the government a little to try to be our firewall.
Yeah. But instead, they're not. They're not doing that.
China has total respect for Donald Trump's very, very large brain.
They call her Pocahontas. I am the chosen one.
You are fake news. I am the least racist person.
Look at my African-American over here.
Look at him.
It's a camera.
Grab him by the pussy.
Stop it.
So this week in Trump, besides Trump not giving up on the dishwasher speech,
I don't know if you saw his other speech in Milwaukee where he brought up dishwashers again.
Oh, God.
Really?
Yeah, he brought up dishwashers and toilets And low flow Low flow shower heads
I don't understand
Does this get cheers
From people
Like it's in your house
Put a different thing in
Hold on
When you say
Didn't get cheers
Oh god
Cecil
Let's listen to it real quick
I don't want to
Because then I'll hear it
Let's listen to it real quick
But I'm also approving
New dishwashers
That give you more water So you can Hold on I'm sorry Cecil He's approving new dishwashers that give you more water.
Hold on, hold on.
I'm sorry, Cecil.
He's approving the dishwashers now?
Does the president have to put his fucking seal of approval on dishwashers?
Wouldn't it be awesome if he put his weird scrawl fucking handwriting on each one
or had a stamp that had his weird, crazy, pointy...
Do you remember?
Yeah, his fucking crazy signature.
Do you remember when Yeah, it's fucking crazy. Signature, you're like,
writes it.
Do you remember like
when you were in like school
and there was like
the presidential fitness challenge?
You had to do like some pull-ups,
like runs,
like a sit and reach.
Yeah, vaguely.
First of all,
I would love to see this guy do it.
Like nothing in the whole world
would make me happier
than watching Trump
try to do one pull-up.
Watching him try to do anything.
Anything physical. Doesn't matter.
I would pay all the money
I will ever make in my life. I will live in a
cardboard box outside to watch him
do one pull-up. It would be amazing.
But like, can you imagine if he had to put
like his fucking presidential seal?
You're like, oh, Bosch. It's got
the seal. It's got the energy star
non-compliant. It's got the energy stars next to the
presidential seal. It's got the big eagle on it. And then he's got the energy stars next to the presidential seal. It's got the big eagle on it.
That's not a sound you want to make.
That's like a crow sound. I know. It's so funny.
Anyway, here we go.
He's got to approve dishwasher. He's got to approve the dishwasher.
That give you more water so you can
actually wash and rinse
your dishes without having
to do it 10 times.
4, 5, 6, 7, eight, nine, 10.
Look at him, look at him.
Eat it up.
He's like, yeah, cheer.
I can't believe people are cheering for this.
And they're going bonkers for it.
They're going bonkers for it. They're going bonkers for it.
Do you own a dishwasher?
I do.
How many times,
to wash your dishes,
how many times do you run your dishes
through the cleaning cycle?
A single time.
Okay.
And I use the economy mode
every single time.
Okay, but hold on.
What if your dishes were dirty
when you put them in?
Yeah.
Because maybe I wasn't clear.
They are every time.
I'm not talking about clean dishes.
They're dirty every time.
Are you one of those people
that like washes your dishes?
They're really dirty too
because I am dirty with my dishes.
Yeah, like I fuck the dishes.
Look at you dishes.
Look at you.
You want me to choke you a little,
don't you?
I like,
like if I have to run
something through twice,
I'm like,
I'm real mad about it.
Like every once in a while,
I'm like, I'm pissy. I can imagine, I'm like, I'm real mad about it. Like every once in a while, I'm like, I'm pissy.
I can imagine.
I'm like, oh, fuck you.
I can imagine.
Fuck you.
You know the worst-
Like I'm mad about it enough
that I'll think about throwing it away
and buying a new one.
What's the worst thing you put in there
that you have to run through twice all the time?
Because I already have an answer for me.
A glass that a smoothie was in
that wasn't rinsed out.
That's-
That's the worst for you?
That's the worst, yeah.
For me, cat food.
Cat food dishes, when we put those in the thing,
if there's, because cats don't eat like fucking humans,
assholes that they are.
You feed, you feed the cat, we feed the cats kibble, right?
So they have kibble sitting out.
And our one cat rage eats all the time.
So he's getting huge.
But the other
one doesn't we have a siamese we have two siamese one thick boy he's a thick boy with a c and then
the other one is is a skinny mini he's a tiny thing and he doesn't he'll go by and nibble once
in a while the other one just comes by and eats his feelings all the time but But we feed them regular wet food two times a day.
And so when you give it to them in the morning,
they eat a little bit of it,
but they don't fucking munch the shit.
And then you leave and go to work
and then you come home
and there's still a tiny bit in there,
but it's been out all day.
So it's essentially part of the bowl.
It's not out all day. So it's, it's, it's essentially part of the bowl. It's not a, it's not a separate thing. It's molecules have molded into the bowl. And so
I don't care how long you soak it. I don't know how long you, I don't care how long you soak it.
I don't care if you get a jackhammer out. I don't care if you throw the fucking dish out the window,
it's never coming out. And so I have to wash those things three times. And even if I soak
them or whatever, it's still it, whatever they put put in that glue they ever put in that cat food.
Cat food is seriously, it's made of fucking crazy glue and anger.
The worst.
Just finish your fucking meal.
Just eat it.
You know, like, if you lick the bowl clean, I went out of this problem.
Why are you begging me for it?
Why are you like, oh, meow, meow.
Rub, rub, rub.
Meow, meow, meow.
Feed me some food. You're like, okay, fuck. I'll feed you some food even though I'm tired, rub. Meow, meow, meow. Feed me some food.
You're like, okay, fuck.
I'll feed you some food even though I'm tired and I don't really care about it.
Feed you some food.
And then it's like, meow, fuck.
I'm not going to eat the whole thing.
Do your cats get pissed off when they can see the bottom of the bowl?
Because my cats will meow like crazy if they can see the bottom.
There can be food all the way around the edge of the bowl.
They act like they're fucking starving.
And they're just starving to death.
Oh my god, I'm going to
die right now.
I have three cats and we have like the kibble
trough and it's enormous.
It's enormous. It holds, I don't know
exactly the amount. I think it holds something like
70 or 80 gallons
of kibble. Like it holds
so much of that shit. You have a
pipeline directly from friskies
that just feeds it.
And like,
if,
yeah,
if it's like,
lower than they fucking,
I don't know,
expect it somehow
in their tiny cup.
exactly.
First,
they'll stop eating it.
Yeah.
It's like,
I'm not eating the bottom of that.
Yeah.
I don't eat the fucking bottom.
I mean,
I am a cat.
You're like,
yeah,
you're a cat.
You're a cat. You're not people. They won't eat the red. They won't eat all of am a cat. You're like, yeah, you're a cat. You're a cat. You're not
people. They won't eat the red. They won't eat all of it. And then they're like, I got no food.
You're like, it's so much food. So we got to get back to this week. All right. Three stories,
three main stories. Julianna associate Parnas says Trump knew exactly what was going on.
There was some weird, he did an interview with Rachel Maddow. There was some weird text messages
that went on with Lev Parnas
and some other people
that seemed very hit man-ish.
But in the interview,
he said,
oh no, that person is always drunk.
Yeah, Richard Hyde.
Richard Hyde,
the excuse was like,
that guy?
He's a fucking,
he's an alcoholic.
He's a 41-year-old man
who's like,
all of his friends are like,
that guy? Yeah. Really? Yeah. That guy. That guy's wasted's an alcoholic. He's a 41-year-old man who's like, all of his friends are like, that guy?
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
That guy.
That guy's wasted all the time.
Who's still 40 and that's what your friends are saying about you?
He'll never live to 40.
But Lev Parnas is flipping on everybody,
saying all this stuff.
And one of the things that came out about him was
the State Department said something or this,
it was maybe the press secretary said this uh oh he's uh he's uh uh on bail for a federal
felony right now so he'll say anything and i'm thinking you associate yourself with so many
people on bail i know i know at some point shouldn't we all just look around and be
you associate with a lot of people on bail yeah
they wouldn't just be on bail just for no reason pop quiz hot shot how many of your friends right
now are awaiting sentencing exactly because like none of my friends right now are awaiting
and you know how many times i've been able to say that? All of my life. Exactly.
Also, Nancy Pelosi, in the gamble that it was to withhold the impeachment for Trump in the House,
it turns out that it played in her favor because just more shit came out.
Right, yeah, shit.
So this is great because, you know, there was a lot of stuff like, oh, Mitch McConnell won because Mitch McConnell didn't give, right?
And so the initial ask, I think,
was that McConnell was going to give in
to Pelosi's request to have, you know,
witnesses called, et cetera, et cetera,
to help to be a part of the managing of the trial process.
And McConnell was like, turtle, turtle, turtle, no.
And so, because all the other sentences.
Do-do, do-do, do-do, do. No. And so, because all the other sets.
Duh-duh, duh-duh, duh-duh, duh-duh.
I will win the race if I don't do anything at all.
Mitch McConnell.
Hello, everybody.
Like, so, it's like, oh, fucking McConnell won,
except for that by delaying it, like you said,
like the story just keeps getting worse and worse.
So now when it goes to the Senate,
when the Senate finally gets like all their rules and they get ready to start,
like they've got so much more public shit to contend with.
And they didn't want to call new witnesses.
But now that a lot of this stuff is coming forward,
they may have to.
Right.
Or face the political consequences of a kangaroo court.
Yeah.
And in particular,
of a kangaroo court.
Yeah.
And in particular,
a watchdog group that pays attention to these things
said that the Trump administration
broke the law
when they were withholding aid from Ukraine.
This is a watchdog group
called the Government Accountability Office.
And they said
when he withheld the 400 million this past summer uh
the the fund he should have run it basically run it past congress because if he if he withholds
those funds that's on him he's not allowed to just do that and he's already it's funny because
one this watchdog group is is is not they can't do anything to him they can only just call it out
and the people uh that they're calling it out to those are the people in charge not they can't do anything to him they can only just call it out and the people uh
that they're calling it out to those are the people in charge and they don't care and he's
this is not the first time he's done this he's done it this will be the third time he's broken
this law my favorite thing in the world is that we have a federal agency which is the gao which
is the government accountability office that is the Government Accountability Office,
that cannot hold people accountable for anything.
Like, there is no actual accountability.
That's so true.
That's the second word in the title of your agency.
This is a federal agency.
It's not some reporter who's like,
well, it turns out this is digging.
This is a government agency called the Accountability Office
holding them to account. And they're basically like, okay, but I out this is digging. This is a government agency called the accountability office holding them to account.
And they're basically like, okay, but I did say not it.
And I crossed my fingers.
Yeah.
I ain't fighting that dude.
You go fight that dude.
Right.
That's exactly it.
It's so crazy.
They're like, you can't do that.
Like government said that money was for this purpose.
You don't have the authority to withhold it.
And Trump's just like,
okay,
a counterpoint.
I did that.
And it's his third time where he's like,
yeah,
counterpoint.
No,
the worst part is,
is that all the watchdogs and all the people that we thought that there was
some teeth behind any of these things that we thought would be,
uh,
would be against the law
or breaking of severe tradition or just sullying the office.
We thought for sure that there's no way that that could happen.
But it has happened so many times that it has pointed out
that the government is inherently flawed and cannot fix these problems.
It does not have the power to fix these problems right now.
The only way to do it
would be to elect
an entirely democratic group of people
and then they would have to limit their own power.
There's like a sense
that nobody can come into your house
and poop in your living room.
Yeah.
Right?
Right.
Right.
But like,
if your cousin shows up
and poops in your living room,
you're just going to be real surprised. And just because your cousin poops in your living room, you're just going to be real surprised.
And just because your cousin never shit in your living room
up until yesterday doesn't change the fact that like,
hey man, your cousin can shit in your living room.
I'm so glad I don't know my extended family.
This is Edward Zoll with the True News Special Report.
Would you believe that there's an active attempt
to mainstream pedophilia and sexualize children through one of America's most popular cartoons? You're about to be shocked
by what we've uncovered. Rick and Morty, how much longer are we going to tolerate this darkness in
America? And more importantly, how much longer will God? With this true news special report,
I am Edward Zoll. So this story comes from Deseret News.
A bill requiring clergy to report child abuse confessions
opposed by Utah Catholic's House Speaker.
So this is kind of very much what it sounds like,
but I do want to go through what they said.
So they gave some reasoning in this article.
So here's how this should work, right?
Somebody tells some other some human
tells another human yeah
hey I fuck kids
and there should be a fucking
responsibility
by the person who just heard that
to be like oh
I call police
yeah right yeah yeah because
there is no other possibility
for a moral action, right?
Like you cannot find out that somebody is a goddamn pedophile and be like, well, I'm really
in a quandary about whether or not I should let the authorities know. It's a simple solution.
Well, and if you are saying that, if you're saying we, we think this is holy, let me just
read part of this because there's part of this is important. Let me just read part of this because part of this is important.
In the statement,
the Catholic Diocese of Salt Lake City urges Utah Catholics to ask state legislators
to oppose the bill, quote,
that forces individuals to choose
between their most sacred part
of their religious beliefs and imprisonment.
The very situation of the First Amendment
was meant to protect against, end quote.
And what that means is,
is that they want to be able to handle this in-house. they want to be able to hand but here's here's the fucking rub you haven't yet
right you fucking haven't yet we've you've had all the opportunities to handle this to nip this
in the bud to to uh to ostracize and excommunicate all kinds of kitty diddlers. You've had a parade. You've had a goddamn fucking stream of them for years
and you've done nothing but chef them around.
And if they are part of your congregation,
we have no idea because you've never told us.
So we don't know.
Maybe you can shame them with your religion to say,
oh, you better go home
and you better play with your fucking anal beads
or whatever those fucking rosary things are.
But there's no real repercussions for the actions that you take. ooh, you better go home and you better play with your fucking anal beads or whatever those fucking rosary things are.
But there's no real repercussions for the actions that you take.
This is the religious version of,
come on, baby, give me one more chance.
I'll change, I promise.
Right?
Exactly.
Like, I won't hit you again and again
and again and again.
It's unbelievable.
Like, they're saying like,
look, we're in a moral quandary because like religiously,
if somebody tells us something in confession that has to live in confession,
that's wrong.
That's morally wrong.
You don't get to live in a world where that's morally the okay thing to do.
They're saying like,
look,
our religion forbids this.
And I'm saying like,
there's no world where you can have a religion that has any moral justification
to hide from authority people who
abuse and hurt and damage other people. Because the next stage of that is that person who abused
and hurts and damages other people is going to keep doing it. And I'm not guessing at this.
There's a history of this thousands and thousands of times over. We've run the numbers.
Yeah. We've looked at sites that have had not only,
and this is talking about people
that might be part of the congregation, right?
But make no mistake,
this is also to protect the people at the top.
This is specifically for that too.
It's not just, they're trying to make it out like,
oh, you guys should contact your congressman
so we won't tell on you if you fuck a kid or whatever.
But they are definitely trying to cover their own ass because that's how these priests keep in contact with each other.
They go to confession and do this stuff.
What baffles me is like most people have kids.
Most people have.
So like I think about like my world.
It's like, well, you know, I really wish that like if we fucked a kid, you wouldn't say anything about it.
Can you vote on that for me?
I'm like, why would you say that out loud unless you're into, like, why?
What the fucking no?
Just don't ever do that.
I don't need to be protected in, like, I'll say this.
Like, there are times when I've told people things in confidence, right?
I have certainly told you things in confidence, right? Yeah. I have certainly
told you things in confidence, right? I have, but I have never told you anything in confidence
where you have had a moral quandary. Yeah, where I've had to be, I've had to look at myself in the
mirror and say, should I call the police on Tom? Right. Right. Right. I just never been, never been
a moment. Like, and you know, because I'm not awful. Yeah. Like I'm sometimes I'm not sure what
to do. Sometimes I've made mistakes.
Sure.
But like, I am never in a position where I need to hide a moral failing that hurts other people.
Yeah.
You know, what this says to me is, and this should say this to everybody out there who's a thinking person.
So if you're on the fence, I don't think you'd be listening to our show if you're on the fence.
I can't imagine that.
But if you are on the fence about religion, just because something is religious doesn't mean
it's legal or moral. It does not mean those things. Legal doesn't necessarily mean moral,
but clearly here, just because something's religious doesn't mean it's moral. And this
is a clear evidence that religion is in many cases immoral. What is your secret to sexual success, Kerry?
Well, I learned to play the guitar, Jim.
Thank you, Kerry, king of slaps.
And there you have it, incels.
You're not entitled to sex if you want it.
Learn a skill, get a haircut, or just be nice,
you f***ing limp dick trolls.
So this story comes from thedailymail.com,
which I love using the Daily Mail.
Yeah, don't even have to bother doing this.
I'm just going to go ahead and read the headline
and summarize the article for you guys.
Headline, Texas officials call incels
an emerging domestic terrorist threat
and warn of a possible rebellion
by involuntary celibate men
spurred on by their perceived rejection by women.
The good thing, though, is it's a one generation
of rebellion.
The rebellion ends.
The sons of the incel army shall
Oh boy.
Alright, that didn't work.
I love the idea too
that like, it's like the
incels and their army of one because they're
lonely, you know.
It's an old army. They're just wearing old army gear because they were an army of one because they're lonely. Yeah. You know, just... It's an old army.
They're just wearing old army gear
because they were an army of one back in the day.
All right, so we should go ahead and read the subheadings.
It'd be irresponsible not to.
This study conducted by the Texas Department of Public Safety
looked at the domestic terrorism impact in the state
and the country at large.
Most domestic terrorism in the state
falls under a racially motivated anti-government, and single
issue. I read that and I thought, like,
well, it is Texas.
You know? Like, who's surprised that
most of the terrorism in Texas is
racially motivated? And I mean, let's be real honest. You gotta
be a single issue terrorist these days.
That's the key. You gotta be a single issue
Texan these days. Like, you think
most Texans can hold two ideas in their
head at the same time
if they could they would leave texas holy shit i can multitask well that means i can pack the car
and get a map yeah and hit the gas pedal right yeah holy shit study specifically mentions incels
brian isaac clyde scott paul alex mishman chris for Christopher Harper Mercer, and Elliot Rodger.
While most single-issue actors are known for attacking property,
thought that was weird,
the study noted that incels are one of the few groups
that this isn't always the case.
And I would say that the incels would argue with that.
They would say women are property, and that's who they're attacking.
They are property, but they're all upset
that they can't buy one.
I want to say, or just get given
one because they don't
want to put any of the work in
to do it. To have one
some lovable. To be lovable.
To be someone worthy
of love. Because
what these people don't understand
and you got to think about it just for two seconds Worthy of love, right? Because what these people don't understand,
and you got to think about it just for two seconds,
if you're in a relationship,
and especially people in a relationship know this.
Every relationship is a two-way street.
You have to be both lovable and loving in your relationship.
People miss that.
Right.
They genuinely miss it.
And they think, I deserve this.
I deserve to be loved.
No, you have to make yourself worthy of love.
That's just fucking true.
And it may be obvious.
But some people, clearly there's a whole group of people out there who are misses.
It completely misses.
They don't think they need to work to be loved.
You have to work all the time.
Try to be nice.
Yeah, it's not obvious though.
Because like you go online, you can read thread after thread where it's not obvious and there's this sense that like people
there's this new sense that i see when i when i read shit online and threads on and what have you
where it's like well i deserve to be loved for who i am and who i am is slovenly and unpleasant
and like mean spirit. And mean.
But I still deserve to have somebody in my life because that's what I want.
And if I don't have it,
then anything they don't have,
they resent other people for having.
It is a fucked up, toxic, bullshit culture.
It's like, to your point,
you don't deserve to have someone
if you don't do the work to be deserving of someone.
Sure.
Absolutely.
Nobody wakes up.
Nobody.
No matter how.
Nobody wakes up and like is obligated to look at you and go to bed with you that same night.
Like every day you got to work for it.
And these guys are just like, well, I shouldn't have to do anything.
Somebody should love me for who I am.
Not if who you are is a bad person.
Not if who you are is mean and unpleasant
and shitty and using. And what's crazy about this is that they all hold the same ideals,
which are all very strange and very culty. And their ideas are that a woman is, if she's not a
virgin, she's a waste. She's essentially a wasted human being.
She's given herself up to someone else
and she's now stretched out and used.
She can't be trusted anymore.
They have to, and a lot of these people
actually are like pedophiles.
If you read some of this stuff, they say,
yeah, I wouldn't want to even go after anyone
that's over 14 or things like that.
It's awful.
There's a subreddit.
It's a subreddit called Insulteers.
And it's a subreddit that I happen to subscribe to because I was curious about the insult community, but I didn't want to subscribe to an insult board.
And what they do is they scour the insult boards for the worst and most horrible shit that these people say
and then they post it on this insole tears
thing so you can if you need if you
wanted to see some of the awful shit that they post
it's just clipped from the
places and some of the subreddits
have been banned so they've
gone out of their way to just say no you can't
even play here anymore you're not even allowed to have
a fucking reddit which is a low
bar of communication that's a low bar. Space sticks has a Reddit guys. You can't even have a
Reddit. So, so they, they kicked them off and some of them are quarantined. And that means that I
guess that they're being watched. I'm not quite sure exactly what quarantine means, but it doesn't
matter for the, for the case of the story. And one of them is called short cells. And short cells are for people
who think that they're too short to date
and they think all women only love tall guys
and they get down on their own brain
because they think only women,
they say if you're under six foot,
you're essentially worthless.
And they think they're all worthless
because they're like under six foot tall.
Any excuse to blame someone else
for their failing to be lik someone else for their failing to be
likable, for their failing to be charming,
for their failing to
be and do the things that would attract
a mate. And I know too that
the incel community is often
tied to the pickup artist community,
to that PUA community.
I'm not familiar with that community.
I read this crazy article
in the Times, I don't know, a week or so ago about like,
so like the pickup artist community is a community of people who use a series of psychological tricks and manipulations,
basically emotional abuse and gaslighting.
Jesus Christ.
To trick and abuse and capture women and make them, you know, to sleep with them and to treat them
poorly. And like people teach classes on how to do this. And there's books that are published on
how to do this. And like, it turns out like in China, like we've exported this particularly
noxious toxic part of our culture to China. And And I know too that like there's parts of the incel community
that are tied to that pickup artist community
because they're all tied to that misogyny, right?
They're all connected to weird, broken ideas
of a right to sexual access for a woman
that is segregated from like an emotional connection
to another human being.
It's like, I should have access to fuck you,
but I should not have to do anything
to be connected with you.
I have a right to your body,
but I don't have to earn it in any way.
All that shit is super fucked up.
You should want to have sex with me,
but I shouldn't want to be emotional
or have any of the other ties with you.
I should just want to, we should just have,
it should just be a hookup community. We don't even need to have respect
for each other. Yeah, exactly. Like, it's just like, I'm going to use
your body to masturbate with. Exactly, yeah.
You might as well buy a fuck doll. Right, exactly.
Buy a fuck doll. Genuinely, seriously,
if that's all you want
out of a relationship, and you
want none of the other things, use your
hand, get VR porn,
fuck your own hand, go buy a fucked owl, fuck that. Nobody cares. You're going to get off,
dude. It doesn't matter. That's the goal. Yeah. That's the goal. Hell, fucked owl might even
smell better than a real ass. Go for it. You know what I mean? Like, like there's all kinds
of bodily fluids that you got to deal with when you, when you, when you have sex with a real,
with a real live boy.
You know what I mean?
But I'll tell you what,
the moment you don't do that,
all you got to do is pop that piece out and stick it in the dishwasher.
Fucking we're done.
You got to wash it once,
twice,
three.
That's what he was talking about.
He put his fuck bot 2000 in there.
You wouldn't believe how many times I had to watch this.
Her legs up over her head all weird.
It's all fucking, her hips disjointed.
I stuffed it in the fucking dishwasher.
I pressed it once, twice, three times.
Come on, crowd, give me a five, six, seven.
And that's how long I lasted fucking that sex doll.
He's never done anything 10 times.
Are you kidding me?
I want to talk too about this
incel community too
that I found online
because it's disturbing.
The things that they say are disturbing
and the way that they talk about women,
women don't,
women don't,
in their minds,
women don't have emotions.
Women don't have,
they don't care about us.
They don't care about us at all.
And all they want is to have a baby.
And it ranges from all they want to do is have a baby
or all they want to do is fuck chads.
That's where it ranges.
And I guess that those two could easily intersect.
Right.
I mean, easily intersect.
But that's their mindset.
They think about this all the time.
Isn't there like a lot of like gold diggy stuff in there too?
Yeah, that's almost certainly in there too.
It's a really weird, really crazy community.
And I got to say,
it's seriously one of the most toxic communities
I've ever encountered.
I will read stuff on there sometimes
and just gasp aloud and be like,
I can't believe that someone would write something like
this. You know, one of the
worst things about
like kind of where we're at
socially right now is like
we're at a place where those
people are able to find each other
and not
recognize, they don't have to contend with
the fact that they're wrong,
right? They can go into a space and connect with a whole bunch of other people that tell them that they're right about this, that this is how the world works.
And they're going to say, this is the experience I had today, and this is how I feel, and this is what I think.
And a bunch of other people are going to say, that is true.
That is right.
And they're going to reinforce that. And these echo chamber micro communities look so much bigger than the representation of
the population that they are.
Yeah, yeah.
So when you look at this thing from the Daily Mail, even though it is from the Daily Mail,
it is possible for these people to connect with each other and to spread that toxicity.
Yeah.
And then to act on that toxicity.
And for that toxicity to bleed into violent action
in the real world, it's happened again and again and again.
That's a new thing we now have to contend with.
Like horrible, poisonous, toxic ideas
don't die in a vacuum anymore
because there are no more ideological vacuums.
All ideological vacuums are now ideological echo chambers.
That's a weird space to be in now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, everybody.
This audio comes from our live stream from Thursday.
Make sure you're checking out the live streams every Thursday at around 9 p.m. Central.
Here we go.
That's answer number one.
Answer number two is the bitch died and they've cloned her numerous times.
And we don't know who.
Wait a minute.
That's the worst cloning process in the history of ever.
Because you just you you create a clone of RGB and then she's just as old as she was before.
So it's so old.
Let me out of the cloning crash. Kill me. Oh, it's oh i'm so old oh let me out of the cloning crash oh oh it's so old i have every
pain i had before i was cloned this is the worst process that's ever happened to me someone murdered
me murder me are you fucking kidding me like seriously his solution is like is like a pod person's weekend at bernie's
like it's weekend at bernie's the pod edition oh my god that's and i like too that they had
like multiplicity her it's multiple versions somewhere out there there's a version of rpg
like holding a piece of pizza into her we could Tom! We could just replace all the justices with nine RGBs!
Yes!
Oh!
Abortion's legal forever!
And you get an abortion and reach under your seat!
Penises!
Actually, don't reach under your seat.
It's a little messy.
I put it there earlier.
It's warm.
You guys probably wonder what the smell in the studio was.
Yeah, just leave it in the Tupperware.
We set this up a week ago.
We really should have turned on the stage was. Just leave it in the Tupperware. We set this up a week ago.
We really should have turned on the stage lights.
It got a little weird.
It's the worst cloning process ever, if that's the case.
What are you doing?
You're making an old person every time?
We have to accelerate their age?
I don't understand how this even works.
You know what I love?
I love the idea that if you cloned her and you cloned her and somehow you made it.
That's nonsense. You cloned her, but then you you cloned her and you cloned her and somehow you made like that's nonsense like
you cloned her but then you also like cloned her then she was born and like prematurely aged i like
the idea that you did all that but you had to do it a lot because each time you did it like you
like she every time she had cancer she developed this cancer and died oh man we made a clone with
the same cancer what are we thinking we could clone people and then advance to HM, but we can't cure cancer.
There's like a prestige like bunch of like fucking aquariums full of RBG.
The prestige is floating.
The prestige happens after every single Supreme Court decision.
They all drop and drown in little tubes underneath, and then they wheel out the brand new RGB
and like whoever else is
on the Supreme Court Brett Brett Kavanaugh I love the way the only other
reason I know Neil Gorsuch I would love to see them drown yeah I'm just saying
like okay with part of it yeah I'm halfway there there's a thing I'd be
okay with all of them going now cuz it's five four that's it guys guys it's 5-4. That was the only two options. That's it. Guys, guys, it's the only two options.
Nothing else makes sense. Literally no other
option. Think about it.
There's no other option.
So we want to thank our patrons. Of course, we want to thank
all our patrons, but we want to thank our most
recent patrons, Tyler,
Connor, Emily, Jason,
Christian, that most delightful
podcast, Hey B.C. Humor,
Alec, Wiseass Wendy from Atlantic
Canada, Karen, Billum,
Michael, Rabid, Kristen,
Danielle, Diego, Mark,
Kyle, and Didi.
We want to send mugs to
three of our
patrons. We want to send a mug to Emily,
a mug to Karen,
and a mug to Rabid.
So if you hear your name,
you need to send a message to Ian at DissonancePod.com.
Tell him your address,
and we will ship you a mug of Citation Needed.
You just have to promise to listen to one of the episodes of Citation Needed.
And we'll know,
because we'll be able to spot that.
We can know.
The mugs are mic'd.
Yeah.
Don't, shit.
Well, and I mean,
we'll just know that one person downloaded that show.
I mean, it's pretty easy detective work.
Clack signs will go off, lights and everything.
It's a pretty easy detective work, it turns out.
This latest show is about Uranus.
Very funny show.
We're going to be releasing selfie-related deaths next week.
Isn't it Uranus?
Uranus.
That's what I thought I saw.
So we also want to encourage people
to become patrons.
So if you weren't a patron before
and you're thinking,
hey, I really enjoy this show
that they put out every week tirelessly
that they spend nearly 40 hours a week working on,
you should do it.
Yeah, jokes about chicken wings aside,
we really need patrons.
So if you guys are listeners to the show,
can I ask like really genuinely, stop for a second and become a patron. We need patrons. So if you guys are listeners to the show, can I ask like really genuinely
stop for a second and become a patron?
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Glory Hole Studios cannot exist.
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We really need you guys.
So take a moment and become a patron, please.
We have a message from Aaron
and we got this from a couple of other people,
but Aaron wanted us to know that the,
we mentioned this on a different show.
Now this is on Citation Needed.
Heath said, where the bloody hell are you
was an Australian slogan
that they were using to get people to show up.
And it turns out that that was from a company
called Tourism Australia.
And who was in charge of that ad campaign, you might ask? Our very own piece of shit, Turns out that that was from a company called Tourism Australia.
And who was in charge of that ad campaign, you might ask?
Our very own piece of shit, climate change denying,
dipshit prime minister, Scott fucking Morrison.
So didn't realize that.
Great, great ad campaign.
Yeah, that guy's a piece of garbage.
He really is the worst.
He's genuinely a piece of garbage.
Got a message from marlo marlo made it to the to the glory hole after 506 episodes can't believe it uh just wanted to uh to say give a shout out to to marlo for uh for listening to all the episodes
pretty recently and then said uh also said they really liked episode 325,
which is our first 100 days.
That was right after Trump got elected.
And he actually hadn't even been sworn in yet, as I recall.
We did an act in November.
Right, Tom?
Do you remember?
It was like November.
It was right after he released his first 100 days plan.
We went over the whole first hundred days plan plan yep
we went over the whole
first hundred days
prior to the inauguration
yeah so
so take a look at that
they are gonna try
Citation Needed
so best of luck to you Marlo
thanks for listening
we really do appreciate it
all 506 episodes
impressive Marlo
impressive
got a message from Kyle
Kyle said that they had
a spooky
sort of thing happen
they were watching one night up in the sky
and just saw some lights that were not blinking,
following one right after another
and then disappearing into the sky.
They were following all the same path.
And they mentioned, they said that, you know,
if they weren't skeptical, they'd probably think it's a UFO.
No, it was a UFO.
I mean, it was a UFO.
People, one of the things that makes me crazy
is when I read,
and I know you're not saying this, Kyle,
but they'll say the government released documents
that show that there was 10 UFOs
that the Earth Force saw.
And people will say,
oh, see, there are UFOs.
And you say, yeah,
nobody ever disputed that there were UFOs.
Unidentified flying objects
have been around for a long time.
That doesn't mean it's an alien.
Right. It just means it's an unidentified flying object. It's become synonymous
with alien, but it's not alien. Yeah.
Alien spacecraft would be the words
you would use. That's the... Right. If you were
using your language, you would use
those. If the government released a thing called
We Found Alien Spacecraft
Zoom Zooming About,
that would be different.
So Kyle thought about it for a bit and thought maybe it was just
the sun had just gone down.
Maybe sunlight was bouncing off
the bodies of military aircrafts
instead of lights
because all the lights were blinking
and these lights were not blinking.
And that might be
an explanation for it.
Sure.
I'm sure there's other explanations
out there of what you saw, Kyle.
But yeah,
it is one of those moments.
I remember one time I was driving with a friend
and I looked up in the sky and I saw this thing.
It no shit looked like a fucking 1950s UFO flying across,
like an alien ship from the 1950s spinning across.
I looked and I immediately got like, you know, like a shot of adrenaline
in my heart. I was like, what the fuck? You know what it was? A paper plate? It was a bird.
It was a bird that the light was just catching perfectly. And while it was
flapping its wings, it made it look like it was spinning, but it was just a big like stork or
something, but it was really far away. Yeah. well, your eyes can't focus that far away.
Your eyes seek patterns.
It's trying to dig through all my memory to be like,
what is that that you're seeing?
Oh, you saw that on the TV once.
It must be this thing.
It was a fucking bird.
You know what I mean?
I've seen, I've also had that experience
where you're driving and you're like,
what the fuck is that light up there?
And it looks like it's going really fast,
but since you're in a car, relatively it makes it feel like it's going really fast, but since you're in a car,
relatively,
it makes it feel like it's going fast.
I've had that experience before.
I've seen UFOs before,
but it's just because I'm not smart enough
to know what it was.
That's all.
I also think there's a certain level of like,
curiosity that like,
I just don't,
like I see something like,
I don't know what it is.
And I don't think again.
You just don't care about it anymore?
Like this morning, like I heard like a weird whistling sound like and like hayley woke me like what is that i
was like i don't have to get up for a half an hour yeah i don't care what that is it's a whistle like
she's like she laughs like aren't you curious it's like not enough to get up a half an hour
before i have to get up yeah yeah like it could be a gnome with a harmonica in the bathroom. I don't care.
It could be the oven ready to blow up.
I have a half an hour.
Call me in 30 minutes, oven.
We got a lot of messages from people
about the healthcare system in the United States.
So many.
I want to let you guys know, we read all your messages.
We don't want to read a lot of these
because we are worried, you know,
we don't want to let everybody know what your problems are.
But we want you to know that what we read was heartbreaking
in a lot of cases,
people having cancer,
people not being able to get treatment
for certain things.
There was a horror stories online.
I'm not going to betray who it was,
but one person said
that they wound up getting
their jaw wired shut
in our Facebook page,
on our Facebook,
on our fan page.
Somebody had to get their jaw wired shut.
They were able to afford that,
but they were not able to afford the amount to get it unwired. And somebody had to get their jaw wired shut. They were able to afford that, but they were not able to
afford the amount to get it unwired.
They had to unwire it with pliers.
They passed out a couple times over
a couple days. Just
bloody as fuck, but they were able to unwire
their own jaw. Oh my God. Could you
imagine? That's like some Nick Offerman shit from
fucking Parks and Rec. It is.
It's broken. The thing
we have which isn't a system is broken. Guys, thank you for. It is. It's broken. Yeah. The thing we have, which isn't a system,
is broken.
Guys, thank you for sending your messages.
And to all of our listeners
in like civilized parts of the world,
God, I hope we get there.
Yeah, I know.
It's just a way better system
and you're not paying as much.
And it's so funny
because the other night on the debates,
they start off the debates with,
if you were going to go to war, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And they never mentioned, for a moment,
they never mentioned how much the war is going to cost.
But as soon as they got to the healthcare system,
how are you going to pay for it? It's like, how are we going to pay for all those wars?
It's like, they cost so much more money.
Yeah, we are lying.
It's like, we can dig up the five or six trillion dollars
to go adventuring in iraq and
afghanistan and nobody's like what can we afford another humvee yeah like we're not but like it's
like well you know i'd like to not be sick all the time well i don't know if i got enough money
in the couch cushions so uh we got a message um uh this is from river. And they said that we had talked about a gay man
that had killed himself.
And we had said committed suicide.
And we didn't realize this,
but evidently that's a holdover
from when suicide was considered a crime
or at least still carries those connotations.
And so now we should try to say died by suicide
or completed suicide. We didn't realize that, River. We will try to say died by suicide or completed suicide.
It didn't realize that river. We will try to change our language in the future.
Is something that never occurred. I will try to be more conscious of that, but I can guarantee
I'll say it wrong. We're going to do our best, but I grew up my whole life saying that I will
try my very best to not say it, but I, it's something that didn't even occur to me. So, yeah.
So that is going to wrap it up for this week.
You heard on this week, we had a live stream.
We had a lot of fun on the live stream.
Watched a couple of videos and chatted about them.
So if you want to catch our live streams,
you can come join us.
We do some stuff with chat.
You can check it out.
If you're a patron, you get the audio of that
after it's finished.
So the patrons have already listened to the audio of it.
You can always go check out our videos after the fact, our live streams after the fact.
So if you want to join us live, you can join us on Thursday nights at 9 p.m. Central. We're on
YouTube, Twitch, and Facebook, and a bunch of others. You can also, if you want, go check out
those videos after they're posted. You can watch them on Facebook or on Twitch, YouTube. They only
stay up for a little while on Twitch, but they stay up in perpetuity on Facebook and YouTube. You can go check them
out there for sure. And while you're there, subscribe. That way you can get notifications
when we go live. And we'd love to have you there. There's a chat community that talks to each other
and they seem to have a great time. We do interact with chat on occasion. It's a lot of fun. It's a
lot of fun. We're having a great time doing them and you get a lot of extra content.
It's like 40 extra minutes of us a week.
You're also going to want to join us next week,
specifically because we're going to have Ian in studio
and we're going to be able to make him feel uncomfortable
while he's here.
So Ian will be in studio next week.
He's flying out so we can fix our system forever.
And so we're going to have a really nice system,
but we've got to get him out here to make sure that all the bells are
attached to all the whistles.
But once that's done,
we're going to be going live next week.
So next week is the one that you don't want to miss.
You want to call,
you want to show up next week for sure,
because Ian's going to be in studio and.
And he promised everything's going to work or we get to be there.
And butt stuff.
So come join us next week. That's going to work or we get to beat it. And butt stuff. So come join us next week.
That's going to wrap it up for this week.
We're going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed.
Credulity is not a virtue.
It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno Babylon bullshit.
Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo quasi alternative,
and scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating,
pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead,
pan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment, Leo Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques, and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense.
lot of nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody. Evidential. Conclusive. Doubt even this.
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