Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 508: 53 Liars

Episode Date: January 27, 2020

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Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome mat. This is episode

508 of Cognitive Dissonance. Cecil, have we prepared our candy desk? We have not prepared our candy desk yet. I am going to demand. I have a large glass of milk waiting for it. Just got a huge glass of milk. Can it be tepid milk?

I think it should be tepid milk. Can it be breast milk? I mean, I'm sure if you tip well, yes, it can be. Oh, gosh. It just depends on where you're getting your... Yeah. Yeah. All right, real quick.

Candy desk. In the Senate right now, the rules are bizarre and arbitrary. And I think that they're intended to create a certain amount of discomfort, right? Because the right wants to hurry this along. So as long as everybody's uncomfortable, that's one way to keep things hurried along. I sometimes do this at work. I'll have standing meetings. I don't do this very often,

but I do when I know I have talkers. So I'll have a meeting. I'll be like, all right, we're going to have a standing meeting. Everybody gather in the conference room and I'll push all the chairs off to the side. And no one can sit down. That's a 15 minute meeting.

Yeah. Because nobody wants to, nobody. Right. So the Senate has rules right now that there's no food or drink allowed in the Senate except for water. Water. Milk. Milk.

And then you can have candy. You can have candy. So you can't have tea. No. You can't have coffee. And like as a coffee drinker. Yeah. and like as a coffee drinker yeah

as a coffee drinker it's like the world lets me bring coffee wherever I want to go like you go to work and you can carry coffee into the bathroom

you can carry coffee into the subway you can't you shouldn't you can't you can do a lot of things except on the senate floor you shouldn't do

you know what I mean like coffee is like a ubiquitous carry right yeah so like they floor. That you shouldn't do. Well, you know what I mean? Like, coffee is like a ubiquitous carry. Right. Yeah, yeah. So, like, they're not letting you have a stimulant. It is. Yeah.

Yeah. On purpose. Oh, here, have some warm milk. Right? Everybody's sleeping. Ted Cruz is drooling on himself. They call on Ted Cruz and he's like, dinosaurs! Dinosaurs!

Just yells. Yeah. Ted, that's your answer for everything, you weird space alien. You mush-bodied space alien. I killed all the dinosaurs. They're just like doing that like slow head bob as they get tired. And they keep bobbing into the microphone. And they keep on like swaying.

It's that like when you see a kid who's really, really tired and they start doing the head where their head goes. It's like a joystick going in different directions. Back, left. It's like when the Mythbusters used to do that sleep sickness thing. Yeah, the vomiting chair. Bang their head back and forth.

They'd headbang for a while and then they'd puke in a bucket. Man, the Mythbusters was metal. That's all I a bucket. Man, the Mythbusters was metal. That's all I'm saying. I actually loved Mythbusters. Like, I know that show is shit and I don't care. I loved it. But I do want to ask you, Cecil, in the spirit of the candy desk,

which, by the way, we don't have Ian. We don't have a candy desk, Ian. He's not in the studio yet. He'll be here. I'm going to hit him until he becomes a candy desk. Which will take a long time, but I'm willing to do it. Favorite candy. Favorite candy.

Favorite candy. I'm talking like at the drugstore, you know, at the gas station. Favorite candy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Favorite candy. Don't give me some esoteric Bolivian candy, please. I will tell you,

absolute money all the time is a Reese's Cup. Man. A Reese's Cup is a genius invention. It is probably one of the greatest candies ever. It's so good. It's so good. And the beauty of the Reese's too is it's great frozen.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's great at room temperature. I've had their variations. So I've tried their variations and they're all not great. Yeah, I know. You know what's horrible? Huh? Horrible is their dark chocolate Reese's.

Their white chocolate tastes better than their dark chocolate one. The white chocolate Reese's isn't good, but it tastes better than the dark chocolate one. The dark chocolate one takes like candle wax. It does. It's awful. It's really bad. It's comically bad. It's so bad.

It's too bad. Also, you know what? What you think would be good is the big cup, but it's not good. The ratio's fucked on that thing. It's like all fucked up. What is wrong with you? You fucked with the golden ratio. Everybody knows what the ratio is. Right. They got it

perfect the first time. The beauty of the Reese's cup is when done right, it scales down those little bite-sized ones. Oh yeah, perfect. Those are perfect. Those are money perfect those are money hundreds of those i know so many like oh they're little so none of them count nom nom nom they're like 700 calories a piece you know what's horrible too is the ones with the reese's pieces in them because it doesn't taste any better, but it does cut your mouth open. Like, because it's like shards of like Reese's Pieces.

Oh, that's the worst. Like a fucking safety glass in there. It's terrible. It's seriously terrible. You got to take one of those escape hammers and break it in half. So I would say like the Reese's is a great answer. The Reese's is good.

The take five bar should not be underestimated. It's a solid bar. It's solid. Pretzels with the, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pretzels and peanut butter. Yeah, yeah. And I love the Bueno bar. I don't think I've had one before.

So, like, they're now at the gas station, but the first time I had one was at, like, the Kris Krindle Market. And, like, I was like, oh, and, like, my buddies were back from Europe or something. And, like, oh, we ate these all over Europe. And I one at the chris colonel market it's fucking amazing and now you can get them at like cvs and shit i'll check it out bueno it's called bueno okay i'll look at it so fucking great yeah when i was a kid the answer 100 was cadbury cream egg oh yeah i love those so much when i was a kid i had one recently it's it is cracking someone's chocolate nuts into your mouth it's the worst thing in the world it's so terrible it's so terrible candy testicle yeah i mean when

you eat it your mascara should run it's so so bad it's so bad it's so bad and you don't realize it when you're a kid and you're gobbling it up and I'm sure the priests were just looking at you licking their lips but man when you eat it as an adult

you feel shame it is you feel a lot of shame you feel a fucking sugar hangover from it they're so bad and I saw recently that they changed the size of those

that they used to be much bigger they were like fist size back in the day and now they're tiny now they're tiny. Now they're like taking testosterone. They shrink down. Like a UFC fighter in his prime versus when he's down on the...

Yeah, but that was money when I was a kid. I also really like a Whatchamacallit. I think a Whatchamacallit is a sour. I remember you telling me that. I'm trying to remember what a Whatchamacallit is. Peanut butter sort of crunchy thing on the bottom that's almost rice-based.

It's like a rice crispy-ish peanut butter type. Then there's a layer of caramel over chocolate. Oh, I would eat the shit out of that. It's delicious. It's an excellent bite.

It's not as good as the Reese's Cup for me, but it's good. Okay. But yeah, send us your favorites. We didn't get a lot of cakes last time.

A bunch of people posted it. We got them on Facebook and everybody like all you guys like crazy cakes from like weird parts of Europe that I can't pronounce. There was one that was like 60 characters long. And I, and I said, there's no way that's a real cake. There's no,

you mashed the keyboard. There's no way that's a real cake. That's what people are showing. I'm like, I like carrot. people are showing I'm like I like carrot people are like hmm I like the Huck Bison Verstaker cake

there's only one that they make every year I like the Mein Führer cake instead of gold leaf it's just gold fillings in there

it's just the whole thing you eat it it's filled with cyanide. You're nuts about this Jesus guy, aren't you? Well, I have a personal relationship with Christ. See, I could see worshiping Jesus if he were a girl. Jane. I worship a Jane. No, I'm just saying, a girl, I would worship

Jane. If he had a daughter, Jane, I could have a relationship with a Jane. He didn't have a daughter. It's a shame it wasn't a girl. That's all I have to say. All right, so let's talk about this story. It from wivb wivb.com b.com four uh vatican's terrible it's really terrible vatican orders sex abuse investigation of brooklyn bishop who happened to investigate buffalo diocese okay there's a lot to unpack here. There really is. Imagine this.

The fox guarding the hen house was fucking the hen house. Then he was the one, someone was like, we should find out who's fucking all these hens. Imagine this. Imagine we gave Congress the ability to give themselves raises.

I know it's a hard thing to put in your head, but that's what it's like. It's almost like the guys in charge of policing the police are just other police. Well, this guy, he's in charge of it. Can you imagine the first time they contacted him, though? The first time they reach out to him, and it's the internal affairs of it,

and they say, Father DiMarzio, we just wanted to talk to you. Well, I didn't do it. I swear I didn't do it. We just wanted you to be in charge of the kid fucking division to see if you could root out any kid fucking. Oh yeah, I'm your guy.

Oh man. I'm your guy. But immediately beforehand, he was heart thumping for a while. While he was being asked, you could hear it across the desk. Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum. Under the floor asked, you could hear it across the desk. Under the floorboards you could hear that thing. Are you fucking

kidding me? No, they don't tell on anyone. They don't tell on anybody in the Catholic Church, so it can't be the telltale. That had to be like a great moment where he was like looking around like, for real? Like, isn't like Chris Hansen going to jump out like at any minute? Like, oh! we got you.

Sit down. Let's talk. He's wiping some kid off his face as he walks in. Oh, did you want to see me? How could you get this moron? I know. Like, for real. Like, your whole organization are just, at this point, just repeat after me.

We're all pedophiles. They need to remove that pipe organ and just play circus music the whole time. That's what they need to do. It's just like, they're like getting together with the other priest. Like, okay, raise your hand if you're not a pedophile. Because we need someone to be in charge of finding the pedophiles. Who doesn't fuck kids three times a week? It's like when you go to the doctor and they ask you how many alcoholic drinks.

I'm at once, one or twice a year, once or twice a month, seven or 45 a week. It jumps from month to week in a weird way. It's so strange because they're basically saying, you're not an alcoholic. This is the alcohol right here.

You know, I did that again like the other week. I had a physical last week, I think it was. Like, I don't lie to my doctor. Sure. Like, because fucking pro tip, don't lie to your doctor. Everybody, I guess, lies to their doctor. So it's like, how many drinks do you have a week? And I wrote like four to five.

Because like some days I might come home from work and pour myself a drink. Some days I won't. I usually won't have two. But like, I might have a drink when I come home from work and pour myself a drink. Some days I won't. I usually won't have two, but like you like having a drink. I might have a drink when I come home from work. I might have a drink when I get to the studio. Right. But like the guy's like,

who four to five drinks a week. It's a lot. I'm like, it's four. It's like not even every day. It's like, I just, as long as it's really four or five.

And I'm just like, well, that's the number I wrote down. I didn't write down 14. Like, yeah, if it was. And I'm just like, well, that's the number I wrote down. I didn't write down 14. Like, yeah, if it was 14, I'd be like, well, I have a fucking problem. Like my liver fell out and it's running for help right now. My dad used to come home and drink an entire 12 pack of beer a night. Oh my God.

Every day? Yeah, every day. So the doctors see that and then they see you and they think four to five a week. Oh, sure day. So the doctors see that, and then they see you, and they think four to five a week. Oh, sure thing. Right, yeah. I'm sure my dad put four to five a week in there while his fucking liver was shooting out of his body.

Can you imagine writing down the actual number? You're drinking 84 beers a week. You're just like, as you just like, there's not, as you start to write it down, your liver comes out and slaps your hand. Write down if 84. Write 84, motherfucker. I dare you.

Wouldn't that be like one of those moments where you're like, okay, when you write it down, I can see how it's a lot. I can see how it's a lot. When you write it down, it does seem like

maybe I should scale it into the 50s. You know what it's a lot. When you write it down, it does seem like maybe I should scale it into the 50s. You know what I'll do? I will only drink a 12-pack on the weekdays. Oh, my God. Hartsburg says when Romney lost the election last Tuesday, his friends and family were worried about how he would deal with his new permanent campaign slogan. People think I was going to go on suicide watch or go crazy.

But he says he has no regrets. I know I did all I could for my candidate in my party. Okay, so this one was just, I mean, okay, this is from Right Wing Watch. Perry Stone, Mitt Romney might support impeachment to fulfill the white horse prophecy. Okay, so the Mormons have a white horse prophecy. I think it would actually do us good to read this part from Right Wing Watch. So there is the Mormon prophecies. It is a strong Mormon.

The Mormon religion has numerous prophecies that have been recorded and accepted concerning future or end time events. that have been recorded and accepted concerning future or end time events. Oh, Jesus Christ. And you got to already pause and say like, why is there an or in that sentence? Like future or end time events? Like wouldn't the end time events necessarily be future events?

Yeah, I mean, either that or the end times already happened. Right. Which some might argue, right? We did jump a track somewhere in 2016. It was a strong divergence, right? Like you're just like, no. There's also, I love it.

It's just like, all right, look, I love when they set the stage for this shit. Like, we know there's a lot of prophecies and those are true. And that's just accepted. So now that we've got that out of the way, we can move forward. And it's like, no debate,

no conversation about your prophecies? All right, anyway. The founder of the Mormon religion, Joseph Smith, gave a white horse prophecy that a Mormon would one day be president of the United States. And I personally believe this is why Mitt ran for president. And I thought, like, well, that's not a prophecy if he loses. Yeah, and he did. Right.

Yeah. The prophecy wasn't someday he would run for because fucking joseph smith ran for president yeah and he lost too because he's also a fucking loser that's what happens when you lose yeah uh they i also want to mention too that the mormon church does not think that these this white horse property prophecy is real right so they don't they don't believe in this. So this is a different guy who's saying this. Right.

This is an official doctrine. It's not official. It's not part of canon, right? So then they go on to explain that like, yeah, these visions and stuff. I don't know why I even said that. This is basically arguing whether 10 or 15 angels could dance about it.

It doesn't matter. Both of them are wrong. Right. Both of them don't have a grasp on reality. This guy just has a different untethered grasp on reality. It's not like the Mormons are like, wait a minute. Yeah. That sounds crazy.

Nobody's saying that at all. They have plenty of prophecy that they believe in. This one just happens to be one they don't. Right. They're just like, excuse me, we're not. But we're just a different. Yeah. So the prophecies include future fighting between the states.

Oh, by the way, this all comes from dreams, right? So prophecies come from dreams because dreams are a reliable way to understand the world. It's not just the garbage your brain does when you're trying a little bit to die. For sure. Yeah, yeah. All right. So the prophecies include future fighting between the states in which farmers would be suffering. I don't even know what that means.

Well, they are now. So I did like this. A battle with the people at the southern border. There's no battle. Like the people show up and we're just like, no, thanks. That's not a battle. You're right. There isn't a battle.

It's not a give and take. Right. That's for sure. It's a lot of take and put them in cage but there's not a lot of give yeah yeah like a battle would be like garage we have weapons and we're fighting we're like oh no we're not going to immediately win if that happens now it's like now it's i traveled so far i carried my child on my shoulders for a thousand miles do you have a free cage? I know, right? We were talking earlier in the show to a guy in Iowa. We're making fun of

how lazy Americans are because it's like two hours to vote in your caucus. It's like, these guys are like, I walked from Honduras, motherfucker. Exactly. I don't want to be an American that bad. If somebody was like, hey man, walk to Honduras or you're not American anymore.

I'd be like, cool man. Canada. Here I come. Sign me the fuck up. My feet are hot. Fuck that. All right.

Government division and confusion would cause riots in the streets against the politicians in Washington causing politicians to go into hiding

for fear for their lives. Then I like this part too. There would be a constitutional crisis. What the fuck would a constitutional crisis be? Well, I mean, we are kind of living in one right now. Okay.

Yeah. We're definitely in a crisis. Yeah. And I think we have decided we don't care about the Constitution anymore. I don't know if you saw a couple weeks ago when Trump said that he tried to read it and it hurt his brain or whatever. Oh, yeah. That was amazing. There was, like, this project where, like, they were getting, like, former presidents and, like, official fancy people to, like, read the Constitution.

They all had to pick a part and read it. And then they were going to, like, splice the audio together. So there was one audio reading of the whole Constitution. That's the project. And so, like, Trump picked a part to read that was about the powers of the president and it made sense because he's the sitting president and he's going to read that part and like he like flipped his fucking mind about it he was like he started getting like mad and like yelling at the other people in the room for like crinkling rappers and stuff and, he did the whole Bill O'Reilly do it live thing.

And then like he said, like, it's like a foreign language. Sure is, buddy. Sure is. Sure is. It's not even that hard. It's not even like,

I know, I know. Like as like, it's not an ancient version. It's a couple of hundred years old. It's a little antiquated, but like it's not an ancient version. It's a couple of hundred years old. It's a little antiquated, but like it's an entirely readable document. It's completely readable. It's not fucking Shakespeare. Absolutely.

Yeah. It's not fucking Heidegger. Right. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Right. It's like nobody's asking me to read like Canterbury Tales in the original old English.

I'd be like, yeah. All right. That sounds more like German. You got me on that one. All right. That sounds more like German. You got me on that one. All right. So constitutional crisis in which afterward a Mormon would step in. There's like, wait a minute.

The Mormon's here to save the day. Do Mormons step in or are they more like, take my wife, please? What is it? Which one is it? I guess it depends on which sect you're in. yeah yeah and which wife you're giving away like uh take the the fat one over the left six or seven you could take one of them not that one that's the keeping one that's obviously

the keeping wife you knew that when you picked her put stop it the keeping wife. Oh my God. Okay. Who thinks, who thinks Mitt Romney could do anything but save money? I mean, seriously, who thinks that? I can't, I can't imagine Mitt Romney stepping in. Although I will say right now, I would take Mitt Romney over anything. Have you ever wanted Mitt Romney to be president so bad as you do right now?

Let's pause real quick and think about the failed candidates for president. I'll tell you what. I would be fine with a President Cruz right now. Oh, President Cruz, I would be hard as a fucking rock. Marco Rubio? Marco Rubio would be an outstanding president. Oh, my God. Gosh.

President Rubio would be— This is President Lower Your Standards. That's what he is. This is President Abandon Your Standards. An LGBT sandwich. Toast, bukkake, then the lettuce. I shredded it up so it can absorb any extra gay juices. Next, we slap on our bacon and top it off with our salty tomatoes.

And I decided to add some extra intense gayness because I like my sandwiches like I like my woman. Homosexual. This story comes from the free thinker over at Patheos Blogs. End timers gleefully anticipate a bloody war led by Trump and Jesus. Trump and Jesus. I just want to point out, anybody who's listening, go to this article. And when you click on this article, you will see Paula

White looking like she's eating a sandwich. It's my favorite thing I've ever seen. It is genuine. It's a perfect photo of her eating a hoagie. It does look like she's eating a sandwich. It's like a giant grinder or whatever. She's getting ready to just chomp down an imaginary sandwich. And it's amazing. I remember one time, like sometimes I suffer from, from, from incomplete sleep paralysis sometimes, particularly if I'm really overtired. And one time I was having a dream. Incomplete meaning you just fucking flail around. Yeah. Yeah. No shit. Yeah. It doesn't happen very often, a handful of times a year. So like, I've like, uh, like I'll have a dream, you know, and I'll strike out my dream, you know like punch or something or like i've jumped out of bed but one time um i'm a piece of shit one time i was having a dream

that i was eating a hamburger and i woke myself up with the clack of my jaws snapping you were that into it i bit down into it nothing there oh and was like, and I woke up and my teeth hurt from clamping down. Like I was biting something and there was nothing there. And I remember waking up and I was like, fuck, there's no hamburger here. There's no hamburger? It was like, it's not, it's not falling asleep and you're getting ready to have sex with a room full of ladies or whatever. It's, I just had a hamburger that I wish I could have right now. Because that is viable.

I woke up so disappointed. That's true. So disappointed. All right. So Paula White, who looks different every time you see her, incidentally. Kind of crazy. She definitely does. God evidently told her some shit.

So here's what God said. God came to me last night and showed me a vision of Trump. Oh, God came to her. That's what she's holding. There you go. Oh, okay. It's bigger. It's bigger than you think.

That's why we didn't recognize it. Neither one of us. I thought it was a sandwich. Nope. Nope. It's just a giant magnum condom. Never seen a lady with her arms like that.

No. That's not. No. Not like, not as if she were demonstrating how big the bash she caught was. Right. Right. No. like that. No. That's not. No. Not like, not as if she were demonstrating how big the bass she caught was. Right.

Right? No. Never that. Never that. It's always on one hand. Right. And a bored expression. Yeah.

You could get him to look at you. That's awesome. Good for you. God came to me last night and showed me a vision of Trump riding alongside Jesus on a horse made of golden jewels.

Could you imagine Trump? First off, you would need one of those Budweiser Clydesdales that are workhorses that pull fucking ships ashore or whatever they do. They're like,

haul siege engines to the fucking castle. Pull down a castle wall if you hook it up to it. That's what you would need to move Trump around. That's what you would need. I love that the horse is made of gold. His jewels. It's just like clinking as it walks. It's all sapphires. Even his fucking horse is gaudy.

I hate... Could I just... Let's take a second and talk about heaven for a second. Yeah. How stupid a concept it is that you're... You leave your body.

You're a soul. You could go wherever you want. You don't need anything anymore. But somehow, they try to entice you with gold. As if gold has some sort of inherent value. Now I get monatomic gold when you're a soul. That makes sense. But anything else, I don't, I just don't understand the wealth aspect that they keep on trying to push with heaven.

It feels like they keep pushing over and over that there's a, you are going to be wealthy. And I think, well, there's, there's not an Apple store up there, right? What am I going to spend my money on? I have wondered about that with heaven and hell. Aren't I incorporeal? It's like, oh, you're going to be so comfortable. Well, I assume it's like not wearing pants all the time, right? Like I don't even have to wear my shitty body.

It's even better. Like the first thing you do, you walk in the door and you're just like pants off pants like pants i have a i have like an inspector gadget thing that just pulls the pants off and press it's an app on my phone i just hit the thing electronic arms come out and they pants me right there and then i walk into the house i got like a rube goldberg wall Wallace and Gromit machine that does it for me. I have a bat pole that I slide down and I come out naked. Yeah, right? It's the same problem with hell.

It's like, I'm going to burn in a lake of fire. Burn what? Yeah. Like I'm just, I'm not even, my body's already up there rotting away and doing its thing. You give me like a loner that I have to fuck with? Yeah, you can. If you bring this back not scratched, you're in trouble because you're in hell, you know. And I go to heaven and it's like the streets are paved with gold.

Well, then that renders the gold valueless, first of all. Yeah, you've just inflated the price of everything. It's like because your gold is worthless. Yeah. You gotta, you gotta hold, you gotta keep a tight stranglehold on that native, digging up those diamonds.

And then you can. Yeah. Yeah. It's the only way it works is if you're in my blue heaven. Like that's the only way. So heaven. All right. So he says you're Jesus and Trump are riding two horses.

They're riding on a horse. And what does it mean? This means that he will play a critical role in Armageddon as the United States stands alongside Israel in the battle against Islam. I will say

that is the most believable thing Paul the White has ever said. Very believable. Yeah. I think that Trump may play a part in Armageddon. That does not. So that would like it.

Yeah. And we can't get our cock out of Israel. Right. Or Israel's cock out of us. So have you been following the news stories about the respiratory virus coming out of China? I've been getting alerts. The coronavirus.

So I've been following some of the stories because it's like coronavirus is what it's called. It is. So you put a lime in it and then you put it in a coconut and shake it all up. What you do is you put a lime in it and then you hand it to somebody

no older than 23 who will still fucking drink a Corona. Corona in a can's not bad. No, that's actually true. Corona in a can's way better than Corona in a bottle. Way better than a bottle. And I will drink a Corona if it's hot. Yeah, Corona. Ice cold in a can is way better than Corona in a bottle. Way better than a bottle. And I will drink a Corona if it's

hot. Yeah, Corona ice cold in a can is great. Heineken in a can is good too. It's weirdly better. It's less skunky. It's a skunky problem. That's the problem with the beers. There's several beers that come in a bottle that are not as good as the cans.

Canning is a superior process. But even, even macro brew stuff, is that the word I'm thinking of? Yeah. Macro brew. Even some of the macro brew stuff is really solid in a can.

Yeah. It's good in a can. Totally agree with you. I totally agree with you. The coronavirus thing, that doesn't come in a can. Which sounds more delicious. Yeah, it doesn't come in a can.

Yeah. Like, who knows if it's going to turn into anything like substantial, right? What are they, what are they comparing it to right now? They knows if it's going to turn into anything substantial. What are they comparing it to right now? They're saying it's similar to... I don't know about any comparisons. I thought I read a comparison, but I'm forgetting.

Anyway. Is SARS a thing? It is actually. I'm thinking SARS is that gas that they let off, but that's not it. That's a different one. That's a different something. That's a different something. Serin.

Serin gas. Serin gas and SARS are different. They're not the same thing. One's Japan, one's China. Exactly. They don't go across that sea. That's racist that you confused them. I'm sorry.

I didn't mean it. Anyway. But it's like you got this like emerging virus, this emerging possible pandemic situation coming out of China. And it's like I'm following the story and I'm a little bit like, OK, it's worth watching, like it's worth paying attention to this. And then my next thought is like, God, can you imagine the horror of a pandemic with Trump in charge? Oh, my gosh, I can't. Oh, my gosh, that would be absolutely disastrous. We think about Trump, or at least I have,

and it really struck me today. Like, I've thought about Trump a lot in terms of like what he'll do, but I've not really thought too much about like how he might respond to an emergency, like a real international emergency. It would be so bad. He would respond in the worst possible way.

I genuinely think at a certain point, someone else takes over. I don't feel like he would be a person who under that kind of pressure would make the right decisions. And I have a feeling that they would just supersede him or something. I mean, like day one, like he would weaponize the fact of the pandemic to close the southern border. Absolutely. He would do horrible shit. All of those policy things that he's been prevented from doing. He would do everything he could to make sure that all the things he wanted would come to fruition.

Terrifying. I have no idea if that virus will turn into anything to really be worried about, but my thought was like, oh my God, that's the guy who would lead us through the pandemic? Yeah. Holy shit. Vaccines, or as the fun doctor at your family practice puts it, My thought was like, oh my God. Yeah. That's the guy who would lead us through the pandemic? Yeah, yeah. Holy shit. Vaccines, or as the fun doctor at your family practice puts it, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot.

Seriously, there'll be a slight pinch. So this story comes from the New York Times, and it's a rather lengthy article. It's how anti-vaccine activists doomed a bill in New Jersey. Angry parents, an ultra-Orthodox Jewish group, and anti-vaccine celebrities rallied to outmatch one of the state's most powerful elected leaders. Man, after the measles outbreak, well, during, after, I don't know, I think it's still going on. Well, it was during-ish, but yeah. A number of states said, hey, we would like less measles. Yeah.

It turns out measles is insane. And they did a great job in New York with the you can't get this for religious reasons. And they also said philosophical reasons. And I wonder what could be your philosophical reason? Are you arguing that, oh, reality everything, reality is just a construct. So measles aren't real. I don't understand the philosophical objection. You see, I think we're all living in a simulation.

Yeah, exactly. Right. The simulation won't give me measles. Yeah. But then there's simulated measles. So that's not, maybe it's like, I didn't think this went through. Philosophers can't get it.

I didn't think this went through. Yeah. So I didn't get the philosophy part, but I do, I do think maybe it's like the Raptors can't get it. Like I didn't think this went through. Yeah. So I didn't get the philosophy part, but I do, I do think that it's great. I think that they went to the, they went through the trouble of saying, look, you can't do that anymore. You can't do that here. We're not going to let you.

Sorry. This has to be a group effort. It's, you know, the people who can't get this physically can't get it. Won't get the herd immunity if people do it electively. And a lot of states are floating. Yeah. You can't send your kid to school.

You can't, like, you can't do it. Like, public resources, you can't avail yourself of if you're sending a little Petri dish to hang out with these kids that aren't, you know, garbage. For sure.

You're a shitty garbage kid. But, like, what's crazy is, like, the ultra-Orthodox Jewish community is, like, a virulently anti-vax community. Yeah. And I don't really understand why there's such a virulently anti- Like, how did the anti-vax movement

settle so deeply into the ultra-Orthodox community? It's because of the suspicion, right? I think it's because of that suspicion of the outside. And when you hear about anti-vaxxers, there's a whole broad range of why people don't want to do it. It's like feng shui. There's not one reason why everybody is against vaccines

because there's no real good reason to be against vaccines. Right. So everybody makes up their own bullshit reason. The government's trying to control you. The pharmaceutical company wants to make money. There's all these other reasons why they think that people are getting they want to force you to get these vaccines. So for them, they just picked another bullshit reason. So for them, they just picked another bullshit reason. And it's, they probably think that the government is trying to control you and they don't want

to have that, that push on their, on their, on, on their faith or whatever. And like, and I know you're probably right, but like measles tore ass through that. Oh, fucking A it did. It tore ass through the whole Orthodox community. Like measles was like, woo, woo. Yeah, no. Grabbed their fucking sideburns and hung on. It ran a train on those fucking guys.

Fucking A, man. Yeah. Came waltzings and hung on. Right, it ran a train on those fucking guys. Absolutely, fucking A, man. Yeah, it came waltzing down the street in their weird top hat or whatever. Fucking A it did. You bet it did. Yeah. Yeah. So you would think at that point,

you'd be like, all right, turns out measles is awful. Yep. And we don't want that. Yep. And we're going to do something about that. But like still the anti-vax movement, the anti-vax movement continues.

Yeah. One of the things that struck me from this is it reminds me of Chicago and the gun violence problem. You can ban all the guns you want in Chicago, but if you don't get the surrounding area on board with you, it's essentially useless. Same thing here. Ban all you want in New York, but New Jersey is just across the river or whatever it is. I don't even know how, it's essentially useless. Same thing here. Ban all

you want in New York, but New Jersey is just across the river or whatever it is. I don't even know how close it is or whatever. It's nearby. I know it's nearby. It's a land bridge or whatever they do. I don't know. But in any case, it's right nearby. So the Jersey's nearby. It's not going to, it's if you ban it and do all that stuff and they don't have that rule there. Well, yeah, your fucking little incubator kid's going to be able to run around at all the public parks and all the places, going to be able to get other kids infected and fuck

everything up for everybody. And the worst part about that is if someone comes in from outside, just like the Chicago problem, and they have the measles and there's an outbreak of measles there because there's some

immunodeficient kids or whatever, then you're going to be hearing all those vaxxers, those anti-vaxxers or whatever, pointing to it, those anti-vaxivists

or whatever they are. I don't know. Is that what they call themselves? Vactivists. I don't know. Anti-vaxivists. Anti-vaxivists. And anyway,

they're going to be pointing and they're going to be saying, look, see, vaccines don't do anything. It's the same thing they do with Chicago and the guns where they saying, look, see, vaccines don't do anything. It's the same thing they do with Chicago and the guns where they say, look,

these gun laws don't do anything because they went and got their guns somewhere else. They drove 15 minutes and they got guns at wherever in the first stop

in Indiana right next to crazy Kaplans to get your fireworks. They stopped one stop in and so they're going to bring the guns back and there's going to be

a shit ton of guns here and there's nothing you can do about it. But everybody gets to point to Chicago and you get to be made a fool of because none of your gun laws can do anything because we don't have a fucking walled city. Yeah, well, right, exactly. And like in 2020,

you've got more people moving more freely than ever before. Like it's never been like this before. You know, like that coronavirus in China, like I seriously, I read it. It was like, oh, it's never been like this before. You know, like, that coronavirus in China, like, I seriously, I read it, it was like, oh, it's like,

it's in Wuhan, and it's like, you know, there's 400, 200 people that have it. Then, like, the next day, it's like,

there's 400 people that have it. Then it's like, four people have died. Then 17. Yeah. Now it's in the States. It's the epidemic game. It's that epidemic game.

It is. Yeah. Like, and it's changing daily. And the way, the reason it's able to change daily like that is because people are so incredibly mobile. That's fucking super true of measles.

It's like, this is not complicated stuff. Nobody has to get measles. And we can't even agree at this point to be like, well, maybe sometimes you'll want some measles. So there's a person, Sue Collins, founder of the New Jersey Coalition for Vaccine Choice. Vaccine Choice. What the fuck? Did you workshop that name? Before it was dying kids give the best hugs and you decided to change it. You decided to change it to Vaccine Choice.

Are you fucking kidding me? You know, think about it this way having a fucking organization where you say you know what i'm from the state highway driving license choice yeah right that's what i come for i don't think that you need to have a driver's license and i think when you get into those accidents your body makes you stronger after you get into those accidents that's how this should work i come from the you should be able be able to have a fucking whole row of houses and only a few of them should be up to fire code. Right. Yeah, that's how it should work.

It's the problem of conflating science with adages and analogies. Because your example is actually right on. It's like people will say as if it's true, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? And A, like, that's just not true. Like, what doesn't kill you very often weakens you and harms you irreparably. They've proven that measles causes immunodeficiency for years after you're getting it. And we know someone with immunodeficiency, it sucks. It's like literally the worst thing that can happen to you. It renders you essentially a useless person for a

long time. Yeah. You can't be around other people. It's awful. It's awful. You don't want to wish this on anyone. No. And so you're absolutely right. Yeah, you think, oh, it's good, whatever. No, it could fuck you up for an extended period of time. Not just a couple of days and a couple of bumps.

It's not just a few people go blind. It's not a few people die. It's that, you know, the people who get it could be fucked up for years. Yeah, absolutely. And they've also, I've seen things where the anti-vaxxers are, they're using language, like that choice language. Choice language. They're also using language of consent. So they've piggybacked.

Oh, no shit. Yeah. So they're, they're piggybacking on, on the, um, all the, all the language and the movement around consent and how important consent bodily consent is. And so they've piggybacked on and co-opted that language to say like your body cannot be penetrated. Nobody can do something to your body without your approval. You have bodily autonomy, right? Yeah. It's so dangerous. It's so dangerous to confuse

science with analogies, right? Analogies help us understand complex things in simple ways, but they don't actually make complex things simple and they don't actually create deep understandings. If we don't actually create deep understandings. Sure. If we don't know that, then we'll think adages are true. Sure. And we'll act on adages, and we'll act on analogies, rather than acting on facts, and we're going to get the fucking measles because of it. I will say, the two most

dangerous things somebody could be is folksy and have just a little bit of knowledge. Those two things are a fucking nightmare. Yep. China has total respect for Donald Trump's very, very large brain. They call her Pocahontas. I am the chosen one. You are fake news. Okay. I am the least racist person. Look at my African American over here. Look at him. It's a camera grabbed by the pussy. Stop it. So this weekend, Trump, so Trump is being tried in the Senate this week. They marched one of the justices,

Kennedy, is it? Was it? Who was it? Yeah. Kennedy marched in and took an oath from 53 liars. And so, yeah. No, I'm not.

I mean, I'm not wrong. I'm not wrong. Took an oath from them. And then they audibled a few impeachment rules, a few Senate rules to decide whether or not there's what's going to happen and what's going to be said. The Democrats are still holding out hope

that a few people will be called in for testimony. They mainly said, look, we're going to use the same rules for Clinton, but those rules were for a house that really did its homework and was able to get documents because they were free with getting documents and free with interviewing people where they're not in this. And so using the Clinton rules doesn't make a lot of sense because the house was stonewalled at every turn. And that is demonstrated by part of this, one of the story that we're going to be talking about

in this week in Trump. We'll start with that story, but I'm going to read the headlines first. So I'll start with Hannity previews Trump's final defense. So what if he's guilty? That's from the New York Times. Schiff's brilliant presentation is knocking down excuses to acquit.

We're going to read some bullets from that article. And then this is the one we're going to talk about to start out. Trump's brags about concealing impeachment evidence. We have all the material they don't. I'm just going to play this. It's 20 seconds long. This is absolutely outstanding. When we released that conversation, all hell broke out with the Democrats because they say, wait a minute, this is much different than Shifty

Schiff told us. So, we're doing very well. I got to watch enough. I thought our team did a very good job. But honestly, we have all the material. They don't have the material. So what he's saying is we didn't release any evidence.

We didn't release any of the stuff that's damning. They're coming out and saying the thing is fucking rig Yeah. We didn't release any of this stuff that's damning. So they're coming out and saying like the thing is fucking rigged. We have all of the, we have all the material there. They have all the witnesses. They're not going to allow them to be called. Like we don't like,

aren't we supposed to have transparency and governance? Isn't this supposed to be a goddamn democracy? Even if it is a representative one, like, isn't this motherfucker answerable to us? The people not like, he's not answerable to Congress, right? He, isn't this motherfucker answerable to us, the people, not Congress?

Like, he's not answerable to Congress, right? He's supposed to be fucking answerable to us. The idea that, like, the goddamn president would just be like, yeah, I'm just going to,

you know, you guys don't deserve to have this information. You don't deserve to hear from these women. I'm so innocent that I'm not going to give you any of this information.

I'm such a billionaire, I won't give you my tax returns. Yeah. Right? Everything he's concealed. Get the fuck out of here. He's concealed everything thus far. Every single thing that anyone has asked about,

anything that's been even remotely shady, he has concealed 100% and he's never agreed with any of this stuff. The thing is, is that what happened before was there was a level of decorum that no one was willing to break. Right. And he has none. So he doesn't care. No.

He literally doesn't care. And he won't budge on any of this stuff. No. Yeah. Part of it is because he does not care if he looks like an asshole. Yeah. Like a lot of this is like, well, I don't want to look like, ultimately I'll lose face if I don't do these things. I don't want to look like I ultimately I'll lose face if I don't do these things.

If you don't give a shit about like looking like the bad guy, if like being the bad guy is in fact part of your persona, then like you have all the cards because all the rules are rules of politeness. They're like more like, so it's like, absolutely. It's like,

if you, if I invite you to my house, I don't expect you're going to walk into my house with dog shit on your shoes, you know, and go punch my cat. Sure. I can't stop you if you do it. Yeah. But you're really unlikely to do it. Yeah.

You know? And you know, the thing is, is that there's that, that you're absolutely right. It's, it's just that you're not, you just don't expect it. Right. But at this point, when he said this out loud, I totally, I, it didn't even phase me. Yeah. It didn't even phase me because I absolutely expect him to obfuscate everything at this point, when he said this out loud, I totally, it didn't even phase me. It didn't even phase me because I absolutely expect him to obfuscate everything at this point. He has done it since

the beginning. And that leads us to the other article about Hannity. You know, Hannity's defense is that, so what if he's guilty? But this defense has morphed because at first he didn't do it. Right. Then he released a call saying, yeah, I did it, but it's my right to do it. And now it's, and then it eventually got to,

I learned it from watching you or something like that. I don't even know. I don't even know at what point where the blame shifted, but then it eventually shifts to, but so what? Yeah. Who cares? Yeah.

It's, I mean, do you remember the press conference where the guy came out and said, yeah, we do this shit all the time. So what? Get over it. So what? And. Who cares? Yeah. It's, I mean, do you remember the press conference where the guy came out and said, yeah, we do this shit all the time. So what? Get over it.

So what? And get over it. It came out and said it. And then they had to walk that back. Like, no, it didn't mean that. What he said very openly

was not what he said very openly. And now the defense is like, yeah, all right. It's if the president does it, it's not wrong. Yeah. The Republicans do not want a president when it's their guy. They want a king when it's not wrong. Yeah. The Republicans do not want a president when it's their guy.

They want a king when it's their guy. They want a guy who is literally impossible to touch. When it's our guy, when it's another party, they want a guy who is 100% hamstrung. There is no in-between. And we had Bush for eight years he was not 100% hamstrung he did a lot

of stuff he was able to do a lot of stuff and a lot of stuff that we look back now and think god was he the worst president and he's not I don't think that if Donald I think if Donald Trump would have came into office and he would have looked at Congress and said look I realize that I'm not a very well-liked person.

People on the left do not like me, but I am the country's president. And he did say something similar when he was elected. I'm the country's president now. And if he had came in and he would have tried to do something that was not all horrible and always trying to conceal stuff and always trying to conceal stuff

and always trying to better himself and always trying to literally look out for himself alone. And that's what this whole impeachment thing is about. It's not about anything other than abuse of power to make himself better. Yeah. That's all it was, a betterment of himself. People wouldn't even care if it was for the country.

No, because that's his job if it's for the country. No one would care. And you can tell just by, like, listen to the motherfucking language this guy used. All he talks about is himself. He doesn't talk about America. Like, he doesn't talk about, like, he talks about, like, I'm doing this. I did that. I, I, I, me, me, me.

He's never, like, he's supposed to be a goddamn servant to the people. Yeah. And he doesn't talk about you, we, us. It's never servant language. It's always language that's driven in order to, like, raise up his fucking power. And it's so transparent and it's so ugly. And I don't understand a world that, like, Republicans want a small government. They're anti-government.

They're afraid of the government. And yet you've got a guy in power that is on their side, who is the least transparent figure we have had in government. The least answerable to the people, the most like autocratic of the presidents that we've had in my lifetime. And somehow that's not in direct opposition to that fundamental philosophical tenet of small government. Yeah. Like I can't wrap my fucking head around that. Yeah.

Last one is Adam Schiff. He is the one who is presenting the case, the prosecution. And he's got an interesting, he basically talked for a while to try to debunk a lot of the things that the defense was talking about. And so we should read some of these things. Yeah. So he says, Trump mentioned the Bidens and Burisma, but not corruption during the July 25th call. That's important. That's important, right? Yeah. Because his defense is, I have a right to help,

I have a responsibility to call Ukraine and say, we want to root out corruption. Yeah. Corruption was not part of that phone call on July 25th. Trump followed up with a call to Gordon Sondland,

the U.S. ambassador to the EU, on whether the investigations he demanded would happen. Then a text by a Trump appointee to Zelensky's top aide sent 30 minutes before the call stressed that Trump was looking for an announcement of an investigation into the Biden. That's all he wanted. It was an announcement. He didn't even care if there was one.

Right. So what he wants is the political theater of it because it benefits him personally. That's what I want. Yep. When Trump, standing on the White House driveway, told the media that he wanted both Ukraine and China to investigate Joe Biden, he was not pursuing corruption in Ukraine, but rather looking for foreign countries to smear the former vice president. That's just an out loud thing that happened, and I don't understand how that's okay. I don't know how that's okay. The draft statement announcing the Ukraine would undertake corruption investigations was rewritten by Sondland and Trump lawyer Giuliani to specifically include Burisma in the 2016 election,

i.e. CrowdStrike. Giuliani openly bragged about interfering in an investigation in the Ukraine, which is, that guy, what the fuck? He's like your worst enemy, and he's on your team, but it doesn't matter. Right. He's kicking every single soccer ball

into your own goal the whole game. And everybody on your side is still cheering. It's crazy how toxic and he's a hand grenade. Right? Man. Ukrainian officials threw Trump's corrupt scheme back in our faces when asked not to investigate their political opponents, which means they knew it. Yeah. Ukraine was confronted with a cutoff of vital aid

in the middle of a hot war. And the aid was only released when Trump was caught and acting White House chief of staff, Mick Mulvaney confirmed it. Confirmed it publicly. So I think this article is great because it illustrates the timeline really well about what was happening.

And I don't know how you read this as one of those people on the other side who look at this stuff and think any of this shit would be okay if it was somebody else in the White House. And they never, they have no imagination. They can't put anybody else in the White House. Well, no, I think the thing is that there is an intentional dishonesty,

right? It's like, yeah, look, I don't give a shit, because my guy did it and my guy won and and i want him to do the things i want him to do and so i want him to win next year if he's gonna cheat to win i'm okay with it because like these are not principled people these are pragmatic people right like they've got a guy they like their guy their guy's gonna do all the shitty mean-spirited awful vile things that they want done

so if he does those things by using vile mean-spirited shitty methods they're just like why would that

bother me? Do you think that they're gonna get any witnesses? No. I don't think they're gonna get any witnesses either.

I don't think they're gonna get a single witness. I know that they're hemming and hawing around a few of the people that are more independent. I know Susan Collins is one of those people that they're trying to push her into a corner. But she's caved to the right every time.

She's caved every single time. And there's a couple of people on the right that they might be able to convince, but that's not going to be enough. Yeah. No, I don't think anything good will happen. I think this is a, I think not going to be enough. Yeah. No, I don't think anything good will happen. I think this is a, I think it's a total loser. Yeah. I think we have to do it.

You got it. I am 100%. I am 100% behind doing it because it's the right thing to do. Yeah. And I think sometimes you do the right thing and it sucks. And that's sometimes

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Thank you. So we're talking now to Jason from, what do you say, Bettendorf? I don't know. One of those Iowa towns. It doesn't matter. They're all the same. They're essentially interchangeable. Aren't all towns, is it like, do they just have towns in Hamlet?

They don't have a city, right? Yeah, right. They don't have a city, I don't think. A village. In any case, Jason is a caucus chair in Iowa, and he's here to explain to us how the caucuses work. Welcome to Cognitive Dissonance, Jason. Thank you for having me. All right, Jason, I guess first question. We know that Iowa is probably, if not the most, it's one of the whitest states in the country.

So do you really need a chief Caucasian? Yeah. Right. In Iowa? That just seems redundant. Yeah. Well, the irony here is I'm actually not white, but I think I'm one of the few only. You sound so white.

You're very articulate. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. So how does this work? Because it feels like a really weird system. It feels like you guys all get in a room and then you like hug it out or something like what happens in these things. Yeah. What the fuck even is a caucus? Well, you sound like you pretty much got it there, but essentially, yes.

Everybody files into a location, hopefully a room large enough for everyone. Wait, I already have questions. I already have questions. What do you mean hopefully a room larger? Do they not know how many Caucasians are showing up? Sorry, y'all. You get this pole bar and that's all you get. Yeah, right?

Like, I mean, when we do, like, when you do a primary in a civilized state, and I know primaries are different than the caucuses, that's the conversation, but, like, when you do a primary in a civilized state, and I know primaries are different than the caucuses, that's the conversation. But when you do a primary in a civilized state, they have them at a school or a municipal building. So is that not the case in Iowa? Or maybe they don't have schools. They break it down by precinct, and it's based on the population that showed up the prior year.

precinct and it's based on the population that showed up the prior year. Now, if you have more people show up than last year, then you may not be prepared to fit 300 people in an elementary school library, for example, with screaming children, but it happens. Okay. So everybody gets together in a, in a designated, uh, caulk, caulk, caulk, caulk high caucusing canvassing location. Right. Okay. So I'm there. I'm right there.

Walk me through it. Everyone shows up and they break out into what's called a preference group based on the candidate that they support. And we vote, get counted off. So you vote, the preference group. So you have to decide on which white guy

you want to run the country at that point. Is that how that works? Yes. They have conveniently narrowed that down for us, making the selection much easier. So, I mean, like, it just seems like a more out loud version of a primary. Like everybody gets, right? I mean, how is that fundamentally different? Everybody shows up and then you peel off into your various corners and then somebody counts the number of people in everybody's corner. But that's not fundamentally different than just voting. But it's not a secret ballot like it is everywhere else, right? And that's the big difference. It's not.

Well, the difference is there's a few things that are a little different. In Iowa, anonymous voting is not allowed in the Democratic Party. So you always have to know who is who. The other part is the viability, meaning your first choice may not be what's called viable. And you have to meet viability. And if your first choice is not viable, you have to choose a second choice. Okay. So explain what viable means.

So does that mean if everybody in my little group said, I'm going to pick on someone, Gabbard. No, I'm going to pick on somebody who I really want to pick on, Klobuchar. Everybody in my group picks Klobuchar, but that's not viable because it's literally not viable for anyone else.

What would happen if it's not? First off, explain viability and then explain what would happen the next. I would have to go like Buttigieg or somebody else? Correct. Based on the number of people that show up, there's a viability number, which usually is around 15% of the total people there. If you don't meet that 15 threshold after the first count then you have to either leave refuse to realign or pick somebody else that you do like as a second choice i'm sorry but i love that one of the choices is just like okay all right you know what just get out bill go look at all you motherfuckers in the corner like oh oh, yeah, Jill Stein, get the fuck out of here. What a weird system.

Wow. That is very strange. Now, I got to ask, how long does something like this take? Is it like a jury? Do they lock you in there until you figure the shit out? So there isn't a time limit, but you have to stay the whole time or you run the risk of not getting counted at the end of the night. It isn't unheard of for some candidates to drag it out as

long as they can, hoping other groups leave, pushing their count up. They kind of filibuster that shit. Fucking fuckers. They have taken steps to stop that, and we're hoping that doesn't happen, but we also haven't had eight candidates at once.

Right, right. Eight candidates changes everything. So I think from your brief description, we can agree this system is bizarre. Is it preferable to a primary in your opinion? Yes and no. Overall, no. I think there's a lot of strength in being able to choose a second choice. I'm a big believer in ranked choice voting

in the first place. Yeah, ranked choice is fucking baller. We should have ranked choice everywhere. Everything. You should be able to do ranked choice for everything in your life. I want to ranked choice fucking my cookie selection when I go to the fucking grocery store.

I routinely wake up and ranked choice the children in my house. Absolutely. Absolutely. I ranked choice my and rank choice the children in my house. Absolutely. Absolutely. I rank choice my mistresses. Are you kidding me? There is value in the rank choice aspect. I do like that. I don't like that you have to physically sit

in a room for usually a minimum of two to two and a half hours. Usually in a snowstorm. I would... How on earth... How on earth, okay. How on earth, you know, there's so many people, so many, and I, and I don't want to pick on the young people, but really the young people genuinely don't want to be involved because at least from the ones that we read, we read a, uh, an article and granted it was just

one article and it was just a sampling of 10 people that were very apathetic. But of those people, most of them really just didn't want to be involved because it felt like too much of an intrusion into their day. And that was just regular voting for the president. I literally cannot imagine. You really have to get out the people. The people that show up for this really have to be into politics. You probably don't just get some sort of fence sitter or some person who just doesn't really care that much. Who the fuck has two and a half hours?

Like this is like a Lord of the Rings movie. Exactly. Fucking primary. Exactly. So here's what you guys are going to, you guys are going to love this part that about being engaged. Having undecided as your first choice

can actually be a viable group. So you could lock yourself into undecided if your first choice can actually be a viable group. So you could lock yourself into undecided if enough people show up. All right. Let me just, let me just game this out. You wake up in the morning, it's fucking Tuesday or whatever. And you're in Iowa and you don't hang yourself. Weird choice. As you walk to the caucus thing and see people swinging from the trees. And then you're like, you know, I'm going to do my civic duty and vote for, I don't know. Like, who do you like best?

I haven't picked, but I'm going to pick not picking and I'm going to spend all day doing it. Oh my gosh. What the fuck is that? Do you get paid time off for this? No. Because I care. Okay. Man, you got to really care about not caring. I know.

You know what? I don't know. But I want everyone to know that I don't know. Do you guys get stickers that say I caucused? If they give them to me, I'll give them out. But I don't know if anybody's going to want to wear them. Oh, if you get a sticker, we will, I will tell you what, if you get an I caucus sticker and you, you,

we will trade you a shirt for the sticker. So you send the sticker to us. We will send you a shirt back. I promise you we will do it. And I will put it on Gary. I will put an I caucus sticker on Gary. I would think that if somebody were to go to this, they would have to have a pretty strong opinion

about who they want to have running for them in the Democratic primary and be the Democratic candidate at the end of the system. Do you have a strong opinion right now? And since you're going to talk about it in a couple of days, why don't you tell us your strong opinion? You would be surprised how many folks

don't have a strong opinion on their first choice. They go in and they expect to be convinced. Give me your best pitch for why I should vote for X, Y, or Z. Wow, I like that. That sounds actually really awesome though, because you get people that are like rhetoricians or whatever. You get guys for your party then that are not just going out and canvassing.

These are people who are literally, literally trying to convince other people. And I see why you guys do this early. I see why you're the first ones early because it takes you like, what, 45 days to get this done. And then, you know, finally. Well, there's only 12 people that live in Iowa. So like they all just.

It's basically like one jury. Yeah, it's like one farmer's market full of people in Iowa. Can you imagine this system in New York? Oh my God. Right? It is. I will say this. And, and, and Jason, correct me if I'm wrong.

This feels like a really Midwestern thing, though. Doesn't it feel like you couldn't have this somewhere else? You could not have this in California. You could not have this in New York. You could only have this in a place you could fly over. Yeah. It's pretty bad here. I live in the city.

It does get pretty tough in some of these larger precincts, but you can absolutely tell this was designed to be maybe 30 to 60 people in a County high school or whatever. But when it's a thousand people at a time, it's a mess. Just counting the people alone takes 45 minutes. Do they ever decide like by virtue of a giant game of red Rover? It's duck, duck goose. And then whoever catches somebody, it's Duck, Duck, Goose.

And then whoever catches somebody, it's like, oh, it's Buttigieg for everybody. Red Rover, Red Rover, let Warren come over. There have been decisions made in that manner, whether it's just, I don't know who to go for, I'll flip a coin and I'll walk to that side of the room. I can guarantee you that has happened.

And delegates have changed hands because of a situation like that. That's unbelievable. If anyone wants to know why we don't have any problems solved ever, it's because our whole problem-solving criteria is just like, I don't know! I voted for

don't blame me. I voted for undecided. I'm getting that fucking bumper sticker. That'd be a great bumper sticker. Don't blame me. I voted for undecided. Oh, that's perfect. That's absolutely perfect. That'd be a great thing to have in Iowa. What a stupid sticker.

It's great. Well, we definitely want to thank you for coming out and talking to us about this amazing process. This democratic, the roots of democracy can only flourish in Iowa. I can't believe I just said that. Well, we have this power and we plan to bludgeon everybody with it as much as we can. You guys go first. It's funny how much people pay attention to these. And you guys go first, but you don't have a lot of delegates.

No. It's the firsties. And going first is not normally a good thing. I went first. I mean, it's fine in the gangbang. Other than that, it's not really great. Well, the people here love it. They would be very upset if we're gone.

I am not convinced we should be first. There are better ways, but as it is, I'm going to try to... The reason I'm doing it mainly is because I don't want the same old white people to do it over and over again. I want some newer, younger people to get involved. So maybe we can change this. That's why I'm doing it mainly is because I don't want the same old white people to do it over and over again. I want some newer, younger people to get involved. So maybe we can change this.

That's why I'm doing this. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. The future is really in the hands of newer, younger white people. Wait, what? It's sad because it's true. Why is that?

Why is that true? Make this not true, Jason. Make it not true. Make it's true. Why is that? Why is that true? Make this not true, Jason. Make it not true. Make it not true. Thank you so much for joining us. We really do appreciate it. Thanks for coming on and telling us about this. And after it's all over and they give you real internet,

we'll have you come back on and you can explain it to us again. I'll give each of you a sticker. Don't worry. Well, thanks so much for joining us, Jason. We really do appreciate it. Thank you. Hi, everyone. This next clip

comes from our live stream from earlier this week. If you want to check out our live streams, make sure you're tuning in to either Twitch, Mixer, Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter. I mean, Periscope. Every Thursday

when we're doing our live streams around 9 p.m. Central, this clip is about Moses. And yet God raised up this man because he saw something in Moses that the people weren't seeing. You know what it was? He grabbed him by the pussy?

I don't know. What was it? What was it that he could possibly see? That he's going to basically obfuscate all of his moves the entire time he's in the presidency and be completely shady the entire time and build his own wealth? Is that what they saw in Moses?

Well, let's find out. Moses didn't do that. Oh, no. Was he hoarding manna? He's got a big chest of manna out back. Moses has like a fucking hotel empire. And he makes them wander around the desert for 40 years because he doesn't want to give them a free room.

If everybody wants to stay at Moses 6, I'll leave the torch on for you. He stood up for God. And he stood up for the nation, the people. And God said, this man is me. I fucking hate the people like, he saw the grace potential. Oh yeah, you nailed it.

Yeah. I didn't think of it that way because I don't think ever. So it didn't even occur to me when I don't. Because like, I don't get a lot of occurrences in here. You know, like there's not a lot of like whatever sound it makes when you guys have one of the thoughts. I don't get that. And what I like when you do it.

Thunderclap that's supposed to go off. Fuck you, people. And Moses wasn't perfect. He was a murderer. Are you listening? Hold on. Did he say, wait, what just happened?

What just happened? It wasn't. I like that, like, you could be a murderer and that puts you in the not perfect column. Chad, I don't know shit about shit. Was fucking Moses a murderer?

Please tell me. Ian, do you know this? He's struggling. Ian doesn't know. Chad, let us know. Let us know, Chad. Did he murder people? Oh my God.

Yeah, it's only five minutes, but I'm not going to play any more of it. I think I'm done. Moses did indeed kill a dude before flinging... Wow.

Well, he probably shot him on Fifth Avenue. Didn't lose a single vote in his non-voting power grab. Had no idea. I know that there was a couple other dudes that they point to that are murderers. I know that they do. Like one of them is one of the kings. David. David.

Oh, is it an exodus? Yeah, that Moses killed. Read it. An Egyptian. Oh, you it in Exodus? Read it. Oh, you don't have the thing? Does it have a reference? Read the whole Bible and then let us know where it's at.

Okay, chill. Here we go. One day, after Moses had grown up, he went out to where his own people were and watched them at their hard labor. God, I hate this so much. He saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew, one of his own people were and watched them at their hard labor. God, I hate this so much. He saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew, one of his own people, looking this way and that and...

What? This way and that. This way and that. Okay. And seeing no one, he killed the Egyptian and hid him in the sand. The next day,

he went out and saw two Hebrews fighting. He asked the one in the wrong, why are you hitting your fellow Hebrew? He didn't kill that one? Well, not yet. The next day he went out and saw two Hebrews fighting. He asked the one in the wrong, why are you hitting your fellow Hebrew? He didn't kill that one? Well, not yet. Oh, he's going to kill him too. The man said, who made you ruler and judge over us?

Are you thinking of killing me as you killed the Egyptians? Then Moses was afraid and thought, what I did must have become known. When Pharaoh heard of this, he tried to kill Moses, but Moses fled from Pharaoh. So he wasn't sad until he got found out. That tracks. This last part is interesting. It says, Moses fled from Pharaoh and went to live in

Midian where he sat down by a well. This book is fucking ridiculous. If you look to this and you say you know what that has all the answers you're an idiot you're a fucking idiot oh Jesus I do want to point out again like

somehow that murder puts him in the not perfect like not perfect is like sometimes I don't wash out my smoothie glass you know what I mean there's a thing you's like once in a while. Like, oh, man. There's a thing you do.

Right. Like, oh, you know, every once in a while, like, I'm late to work a little bit. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Oh, now perfect. Oh, I cheat on my wife. Like, whatever. You know, whatever.

However it works. Tomorrow. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Right. Yeah. But murder? Yeah.

Holy shit. Oh. Holy shit. Oh. So we want to thank our patrons. Of course, we want to thank all our patrons. We want to thank our newest patrons, Patrick, Kirsten, John, Cosmic,

Caleb, Joe, Roni, Zach, Austin, Shannon, Elizabeth. Isn't Shannon Elizabeth a person? Damien, Susan, Shannon, Elizabeth. Isn't Shannon Elizabeth a person? Damien, Susan, Sarah, Victor, Richard, Jennifer, Nicholas, Melanie. And I became a patron to watch Tom build a PC by himself. Okay. We want to say, before I get into that, I am going to, we are going to send mugs

to Caleb, Shannon, and Susan. If you could send a message to ian at dissonancepod.com with your snail mail address, we will ship you a sweet citation needed mug. You have to listen to one episode. I'll know if you're lying. We will see the download when we know. I want to mention that we talked about this on stream

maybe last week. I'm not sure where we mentioned it. But we were building a, we built a new PC for the studio so that our streaming could be improved. Streams are going great. We're having a great time. Come check us out, 9 Central, every Thursday. The streams are a lot of fun.

We normally watch a talkie and we have a lot of a good time just kidding around and joking around. And they are a lot of fun. We normally watch a talkie and we have a lot of, a good time just kidding around and joking around. And they're, they're a lot of fun. And we put a lot of time and work into the production of these. And so we built a new computer with Ian's help. When I say Ian's help, Ian built the computer and we watched. And so when that was all done, we, we plugged it all in. But while we were building it and beforehand, people had said, I want to see Tom build the computer. And I said, I'm not doing that because those parts are expensive.

And they said, don't worry, we'll buy you new parts. And I said, I tell you what, if we reach a goal, so there's a goal on our Patreon page. If we reach that goal of that number of patrons, I will go and buy the exact same computer that Ian and I put together, and I will live stream for patrons the Tom putting that computer together, and then we will pick a lucky patron that joins between now and us reaching that goal out of a hat, and we will send you that completely unworkable,

unusable hunk of metal. I will follow the instructions to it too. I will, I will send, I will read them. I will send this to you. I cannot wait. The first moment of Tom putting the processor in is going to be my favorite thing. Because the funny thing is,

is the processor on this and the motherboard aren't very instructive on where the processor, which orientation the processor is. And Ian almost got it wrong. So I would love to see you put the processor in at the wrong orientation. That would be the best. Is it ruined if you do that? Oh, God, yes. It's absolutely 100% destroyed.

And you just ruined a very expensive part of the PC. And it will not run. It won't even boot up. It won't run backwards? You can just type backwards PC and it will not run. It won't even boot up. It won't run backwards. You can just type anything. It won't do anything, man. It's fucked. It's essentially fucked. So anyway, uh, we are, we're happy that everybody is, is donating and joining in. We, we are, uh, we are putting out every week, 30 plus minutes of content on YouTube and Twitch, and Twitch and all those places where our videos are.

So you can go check those out and patrons get that audio every week. So we cut that audio and we put that in. So it goes into your podcast player. Most of the stuff we do is not visual. So it actually works out to be a pretty cool little extra. Every week, patrons are getting 30 plus minutes extra. Yeah, I just want to go ahead and just flat out ask everybody listening, if you're a listener to the show, you've been a listener for a long time, you love the show, please do become a patron. I just want to ask you to do it. It matters to us. We need patrons. We

need to have patrons to have the studio to be able to afford to continue to do the show. It means a lot to us and it means a lot to our families. So if you can be a patron, we would genuinely appreciate it. And if you're a new listener, we'd like you to be a patron too. Not just an old listener. I'm saying if you like the show. Yeah. And if you don't, I don't know why you're listening.

Yeah. You know, that seems like a waste of your time, but please be a patron. We definitely want to thank the patrons though. You know, and to reach that goal of I build a beautiful, svelte, sexy computer. I can't really do Ikea furniture that well.

I would say like to reach that goal, if you're already a patron, maybe consider upping your patronage. We would certainly fucking appreciate that. For real,

we've invested a tremendous amount of money in this show over the last year. Tremendous amount of time. Tremendous amount of time.'ve invested a tremendous amount of money in this show over the last year. A tremendous amount of time. Tremendous amount of time. Tremendous amount of time. And it means a lot to us to have the patrons. We really do need you guys.

I know we joke about chicken wings and beer. We're not spending on chicken wings and beer, guys. I'm spending on the electricity for our building and for rent. We have to have a space. And so the place, you guys pay for that for us, so we thank you. We can't thank you enough. Got a message from Justin and he said, just wanted

to let you guys know that part of what determines the stock price is how much money the company is making and what their profit margin is. So in order to keep stock prices high, executives need to at least maintain their profit margins, which means fighting tooth and claw

against giving their employees raises. Makes sense? It's one of the things that we kind of didn't really talk about. There's so many things wrong with the current system and how the current system works and how the current system rewards. There's so many things wrong with it.

Only if you're people. Yeah, only if you're the working guy. If you're not the working guy, it's kind of good. The system works really good for the top 1%, which is why they're in charge of everything and have all the money. Yeah. So we got a message.

This is from Austin and Austin says, hey, so he wants to know if this is a parenting and fail or success. He says, I usually pick up the food for the kids. This time I brought home Little Caesar's pizza. My two youngest greeted me with, you're the best dad. This made me start

thinking, is my children believing in shitty Little Caesar's pizza that is actually good? Is that a parental win? Have I failed my children by allowing them to think that this is acceptable food? Austin, I think I reject the premise.

First of all, it is not an edible food. What's worse? Little Caesars or Chuck E. Cheese? Oh, shit. Or CeCe's? Domino's is the worst. Domino's is pretty bad. Of all that... Papa John's is really terrible, too. Yeah, it is, but Domino's doesn't even taste right. Domino's is pretty bad. Domino's, of all that, of all that. Papa John's is really terrible too.

Yeah, it is. But Domino's doesn't even taste right. Like Domino's has that like, there's a super thin, soggy crust. It's slimy. It's slimy.

Domino's pizza is a slime pizza. I don't, do they even use sauce? I don't know. Or do they just like spit on it a little bit and stick it in there? I think they gut someone. They cut someone's guts out

and just pour them on the, it's disgusting. God, what a fucking nightmare Domino's is. There's so many bad pizza places out there. So, yeah. They're all in New York, but there's so many bad pizza places. When you think about all those pizza places, though, they're all that gross, thin crust foldable shit.

They really, yeah. Well, Domino's is that weird cracker squares. Are they? Are they squares? Yeah, they're weird. I have not, Domino's is that weird cracker squares. Are they? Are they squares? Yeah, they're weird. I have not had Domino's in such a long time. When I remember Domino's-

Because you have more than $4. Yeah, well, I remember Domino's being the one that you folded. Maybe I'm thinking of a different pizza. I think maybe you are because Domino's,

the last time, again, it's been many years since I had Domino's pizza because I got a job and vowed never to order that again. Like, Domino's is the kind of pizza. I'd rather eat raw ramen from a bag. In a heartbeat.

In a heartbeat. I would rather just eat salt. Just to have like a bag of salt. Yeah. I see now, looking at Domino's, it looks like one of those foldable pizzas to me. It doesn't look like a cracker crust. It looks like a gross. Yeah, the last time I had

it, it was like a really thin, square crackery. But again, it's been at least 20 years. I have not had it in the 2000s. Okay, alright. No, it's not a food. And you are... Look, here's the thing. I think any... A parenting win is when you can

shut your goddamn kids up for 30 seconds. That's true. And so, fucking, you just won. If you can shut your goddamn kids up for 30 seconds. That's true. And so fucking you just won. If you can shut those little dream thieves up for fucking 10 seconds, good for you. Good on you. Feed them whatever kind of toxic fucking garbage they'll fit in their face. No one cares. I actually completely agree, Cesar.

I'm right there. Yeah. Yeah. They can stay quiet for 10 seconds and give you 30 seconds a piece. Hey man, they have no fucking future. So like,

who cares really? So we got an, okay. So the other night on the stream when we were building this computer, someone said that they wanted to have, write a Gary fan fiction. And then they decided to put Tom

in the fan fiction. Well, here's to put Tom in the fan fiction. Well, here's the thing. They wrote a fucking novel. And we can't read all this on air. But I am going to have Tom read part of this. Not all of it, because reading all of it is a lot. I mean, it's

genuinely a lot here. But I am going to find Tom. I think we're going to do these couple paragraphs here. Okay, so here we go. There we go. Tom, why don't you just read this part? This gives you an idea of what's available in...

You know, our patrons give us gifts sometimes. And this is a gift. You know what we should do is we should have Ian post this on the Patreon so patrons can get the actual—what do you think? Yeah. Yeah, let's do that. If they want to read the whole—

They want to read the erotic fan fiction of Gary and myself. Of Gary and you. Anyway, Tom, why don't you just read this part. Now, this is the middle of the fan fiction, so it's not— you guys are missing the buildup. All right, well, I'm going to read two lines up, though, just to give us

a little more context. If Gary's face wasn't frozen in a horrifying expression that could only be described as Twilight Zone-esque, he would have moaned in pleasure.

Tom was short in more ways than one, but by the gods, he was thick. Rude! It was like being fucked by a tree, Tom. See, this is complimentary.

It's complimentary, Tom. It's complimentary. I already left the studio in this. I didn't even get to double team Gary. Fuck you. I would have plugged him up airtight. Anyway, keep going. It's fine.

I hope my kids never listen. Tom, I really do. I hope that. Tom pumped ferociously into Gary, or rather on Gary, because the mannequin had no true orifice. Tom was essentially hot-dogging him. Okay, that's not true.

There's plenty of holes in Gary. Anyway, continue. That's what the kids these days called it, right? The seductive scent of the sweet strawberry lube mixed with Tom's manly aroma overpowered whatever senses Gary had left. He didn't care

they didn't have a functioning asshole to be filled or even genitalia. He was just happy that he could make Tom happy. He dares say

he loved the man even if Tom would never truly return his feelings. I think I'm changing my mind about this.

All right. Okay. Alright. Before long, he felt Tom quick at his pace. It didn't take long. Who are you kidding? Start quick, finish quick. Gary had been fucked by the man enough times

to know when he was coming. Wanting nothing more. All he had to do was count on his hand one to five and he was done. Not even slowly. Wanting nothing more than for Tom to cover him in hot love gravy. Gary's mind screamed

shoot your goo my dude. And shoot his goo he did. We need a shirt. Shoot your goo my dude. We need a shirt. And shoot his goo he did. We need a shirt. Shoot your goo, my dude. We need a shirt. And shoot his goo he did, grunting ferrily as he spurted baby batter onto Gary's lube-smeared backside. Why do you need lube?

He was just hot-dogging it. What do you need the lube for? I don't even know. After a few still seconds, Tom clumsily sat on the ground, letting Gary fall beside him. Gary didn't mind, as he was now lying beside his panting flesh daddy. What surprised

Gary, however, was the sound of Tom suddenly sobbing. It doesn't count unless you cry. This is so fucked. I'm sorry, Gary. Tom asked. I'm so fucked. I'm sorry, Gary. Tom Adkins.

I'm so sorry. I'm going to read the next slide. Next slide. For a man so seemingly full of life, Tom's cries were incredibly empty. It's so dark. This is the darkest fucking thing. The darkest thing about this.

No, Tom. Tom, the darkest thing about this. No, Tom. Tom, the darkest thing about this is this person wrote this that night. Okay. Okay. So if you want to read all of this, we're going to turn it into a PDF, I guess. We'll have Ian turn it into a PDF

and we will post it for anybody who wants to read this. We want to thank Kaya for writing it. We got a message from John, and John let us know that they put a, on the back of their car, first they live in fucking, they're gay atheists living in Mississippi, fucking terror, Oh my God.

That sounds like the worst. But on the back of their car, on the windows, they put, credulity is not a virtue and doubt even this. I think that's pretty cool. And it looks really cool.

Yeah. And so instead of, I don't know, stick figure family, they put this on there. So pretty great. We love it, John. Thank you for sending the pictures.

I do also want to mention that only in fucking Mississippi is somebody the high school history, psychology, and economics teacher. You're the only one in Mississippi who can read a book. They saddle you with everything. Like one guy with a college degree.

They're like, ah, teach it all. Teach it all. Teach the whole thing. I got juice harp covered. You do the rest so we wanted to say

give a shout out to Terry we sent Terry couldn't make it to our pizza party but we were able to send him a shirt and he sent us a picture thanks for listening Terry

we know you've been a fan for a long time we're sorry you couldn't make it but the next pizza party we hope you can make absolutely we also want to send a shout out to Justin

who just sent us a message and said thanks for keeping me company through a dark time in his life. So Justin, if anything, if we did anything, it was by accident, but we were happy you listened. So thank you so much.

Our pleasure. So Shane also sent in a picture of his dog. It looks like a pity maybe in the cog dish shirt. Just rocking that shirt. Extra large fits. Man. Man. Good for you. Good looking dog. That's a rocking that shirt. Extra large fits. Man. Man.

Good for you. Good looking dog. That's a good looking dog. And that dog looks great. Although it doesn't look like you can walk in that shirt. Fashionable dog. But still,

very nice. We want to thank Jason for joining us tonight. Jason is a Caucasian from Iowa. And we want to thank him for joining us to talk about the caucus system. We want to have him on again in the future

to talk to him in depth about it. We were having some internet problems tonight, so we could not get some of his sound. You probably heard when you listened to it that some of his sound was a little garbled. We were having some real serious internet connection issues with him. We're hoping that in the future,

Iowa will have the internet and he won't have to call in using a string and a can. He had to borrow it from Nebraska. It wasn't even his can. We want to thank him for joining us and illuminating the idea and the concept of the caucuses.

Very strange. Yeah, very strange and absolutely belongs to Iowa. So that's going to wrap it up for this week. We're going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble bubble toil and trouble pseudo quasi alternative acupunctuating

pressurized stereogram pyramidal free energy healing water downward spiral brain dead pan sales pitch

late night info docutainment Leo Pisces cancer cures detox reflex foot massage death in towers

tarot cards psychic healing crystal balls bigfootfoot, yeti, aliens, churches, mosques, and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, double speak, stigmata, nonsense. doublespeak stigmata nonsense. Expose your signs.

Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and information provided on this podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. All opinions are solely that of Glory Hole Studios, LLC. Cognitive dissonance makes no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information and will not be liable for any errors damages or butthurt arising from consumption all information is provided on an as-is basis no refunds produced in association with the local dairy council and viewers like you you