Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 511: Superbowl Crotch Shot

Episode Date: February 17, 2020

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This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording live from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome at this episode 511 and we are recording this from coronavirus studios this time fucking everybody is fucking sick at this point yeah everybody is sick and it's funny because like you know like the whole coronavirus we talked about this sure right it's like all the kids in

my house have gotten sick like the kids that live with me full-time the kids that live with me part-time kids down the street who one time looked at my house. They're all fucking sick at this point. And my son, I texted my son who doesn't live with me. And I'm like, hey, you can't come over this week. You know, like Donovan is- Daddy doesn't love you anymore. Yeah, I was like, you know,

when next week doesn't look hot either, you know? Is there any way you can graduate and just never talk to me again? There is a reason I left you. So bad. Fuck. But like, I was like letting him know like,

hey, everybody here is sick and I want you to get sick. You know, and he's like, and then later I was like, oh, things are looking, we're just chatting. He's like, my wife hasn't lived with me

for like three weeks because I'm sick. She's been somewhere else. She just goes, Airbnb, I'm out. She's gone, I'm done. I'm tapping it out. You sniffled once,

I'm leaving. She's like, I keep these bags in the car. I'm tapping it out. You sniffled once. I'm leaving. She's like, I keep these bags in the car. I have a go bag for when you sniffle. So he texted back. He's like, wait, so it wasn't coronavirus?

And I'm like, no, stupid. Like, why would he have like coronavirus? What are you talking about? We're not in fucking Wuhan. Yeah,

your stepbrother just got back from China. Right. His whirlwind tour of the Great Wall and he just came back. He saw all the porcelain army guys or whatever those things are.

He went over there and did all that. It's so funny because like, no, like everybody's just got like fucking strep and like all the rest of the regular maladies that go around. What is so funny about the coronavirus is that it is hitting its peak

right when normal flu season hits. Right. And so everybody thinks they have this other thing. Right, yeah. No, you probably got a cold, a severe cold, possibly the flu, depends. Probably not the flu. The flu is pretty debilitating.

Right, yeah. I had a fever last week for the first time in a long time. I've never, I haven't, I don't get colds with fevers. That's very rare for me. But I still hesitate to call it the flu.

I don't think it was the flu. I think it, If you don't go get tested, like you can't really know. You just don't know. Right? Yeah. So I,

and I had gotten the flu shot. So I was pretty sure it wasn't the flu. Well, that's how you get the flu. Little known fact, if you're fucking stupid, that's how you get the flu. All you have to do is eat some fried chicken, you get avian flu virus. That's all happens. That's how this works.

I got the swine flu. Oh, bacon. It's worth it. Fucking worth it. You know like when you eat so much, your blood feels thick? You know what I'm talking about? What do you mean? Morning? You're just like laying there and your esophagus is full

and you're like, that's a lot. That's a lot for me. That's swine flu. That's just all that is. Like when that's all pulled pork up to the point of your esophagus. You can just take a squeegee

and just get the meat sweats right off of me with it. That's the good stuff. There's vegetarians in our audience right now like the meat sweats. Yeah. Motherfuckers, you haven't lived until you've eaten so much meat that your body's like,

I don't know that it's living. I don't know that it's living time. I think that's nearly dying. I think that's what that is. I got three little letters for you. I-R-S. If they can get Capone, they can get you. Here's you, right?

Pink, Pinkman. Get it? Okay. Here's your cash. You're out on the town. Who's this? It's the tax man. And he's looking at you. Now, what does he see? I'm a drug dealer. Eh. Wrong. Million times worse. You're a tax cheat. This story is from Right Wing Watch. Dear David Barton, there's a difference between non-profit and tax exempt we should listen to it uh this is david barton on uh one of the shows that has him on that thinks he has something to

say churches are tax exempt and we're told they cannot get involved in politics right i mean that's what that's what everybody tells churches you can't get involved in politics man and uh the president did relax the john Amendment a little bit. I don't think he'd relax it like where it's completely gone. But if he could, he would relax and lean right into it. Exactly. You know, to be honest, it's all about the enforcement of it. Yeah.

And he has shown, especially in the last few weeks, that he is a micromanager when it comes to enforcement of things. Holy shit. You are not kidding about that. So, he could easily, if someone were to say, tweet at him and say, President Trump, our organization is being investigated by the IRS,

I guarantee he would use his power to make that a more lax investigation. To your point about enforcement, it was the case, I don't remember when I read this, a few years back, but it was the case that there was like four agents in the entire IRS

assigned to enforcing, and then those guys all got fired. There are zero people assigned right now in the IRS. It's not enforced at all. It's not an enforceable thing. It's probably enforced through complaint. I would imagine more than anything else. It's not like someone is monitoring them.

What it is is that there's a group of people out in the world, like the FFRF and other places that might say, hey, this person is politicizing from the pulpit. You need to go take a look at this person or this gal. And they go look at him. And that's, I think, the only time that happens. But he also did sign an executive order that said, I want to relax this.

Now, whether or not that had any effect, because I looked at a politic fact and it said mostly false, even though he's telling everyone what he did was so great, especially the religious people, even though Trump and they here as Trump, is saying, look at what great

things I've done for you evangelicals. The real nuts and bolts of it is that he might not have done much at all. Yeah, but it doesn't have any teeth. Because I'm trying to think of a single time, and I know I would have run across it in all my story hunting and all the years. Oh, I know. You're right. You are right.

If there was ever one church that lost its tax exempt status because of politicizing from the pulpit, I know I would have read about it. And I've never once read about that actually. It's not something that we can remember. And we cover stories constantly. It's not like, it's not like a kid fucking story, which happens every 30 seconds. It happens so much. The kid fucking stories are so plentiful in my, in my, like when I'm trolling for news for the show that like, unless there's something particularly interesting,

which is horrible to say, I got to relay a funny story. So everybody I was mentioning before, everybody in my house got sick over the last like two weeks. It's been a goddamn plague, right? I'm very worried where the story's going. I mean,

if it leads in with kid fucking and then it goes to this, I'm okay. I'm in a very plague, right? I'm very worried where this story's going. I mean, if it leads in with kid fucking and then it goes to this, I'm in a very weird spot right now. So my stepson... My hand is over the center. Keep going. Yeah, keep going. So part of me wanted to change the scope of the story.

It's just... So my stepson runs to the bathroom. He gets sick. He doesn't make it, right? So he ends up just being sick all over. He slides into third base. Right. And so I go in there and like, I got bleach and masks and I clean the horror show up.

And as part of that mess, like some of the mess got in a, like a bucket that has like kid toys for the bathtub in it, right? And so I looked at it and I thought for about a quarter of a second about cleaning those toys. And then I thought, toys are things you can buy. And I threw it in the garbage, right? Because there's no world where I'm cleaning vomit off of baby dolls, right? Oh no, I totally get it. I know. I 100% get it. Or so I thought. Okay. Later that day, my stepdaughter's like, oh, where's my baby alive toys? And I was like, oh, I pitched the fuck out. I was like, I threw that shit in the trash.

Like your brother puked all over it. And I was not going to clean vomit out of their little baby alive hair. And then her eyes got all fucking anime big and sad. And she was super upset. And I was like, and I went out to the garage and i'm like fine i'll fish the fucking vomit toys out of the garbage can for you and like so i fill this that the whole story has a point i promise so i fill this bucket full of water and bleach and then i get these two baby alive dolls the best part is their name and i walk over and i put them

in i put them in the water. Sure. And they float. And I was like, oh, that's not going to sanitize them. And so there's this moment of my day where I have my hand on the chest of a naked baby doll. And I'm pushing it underwater. And these dolls, by the way, their mouths are open to accept a bottle. And that's where the water comes out or the bubbles come out right so i'm holding this doll under the fucking water while bubbles are blip blip blipping out of its mouth and it's fucking dead doll eyes are staring out of the

water it's the scene from it's the scene from godfather when he's hunking that baby in the fountain and i'm just like drowning these fucking baby dolls in the garage. And I'm like, man, if the police show up now, it just looks weird. Incidentally, I could not get them to fill with enough

water to be submerged. So eventually I got bored. Fucking Simo drowning these fucking baby toys. I just grabbed paint cans i was hoping you put a brick on them and i was like now you're dead oh that's amazing i point out something i did not realize this until this week from this standpoint did you know that planned parenthood is the same non-profit that the church is nope no nope no, numbers and letters mean things. So churches are 501c3 organizations, and Planned Parenthood is a 501c4.

And the difference is a 501c4 is specifically allowed to engage in political discourse. I think Planned Parenthood has a 501c3 wing. Yes, yeah. So they have a 501c3 wing, but they also have another political action one that is completely taxed. It's taxed just like everything else. Yeah. The part of the organization of Planned Parenthood that's the 501c4 can engage in political discourse, but they pay taxes on

any revenues that come into the 501c4. Anything that comes into the 501c3 is tax exempt. But David Barton is not one to be dissuaded by facts. Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no. Has anybody told Planned Parenthood they can't be involved in politics? Oh, my gosh. They're endorsing candidates like crazy. They're pouring millions into electing Democrats.

How come we're not... We ought to be saying to churches, hey, you're nonprofit. Planned Parenthood's nonprofit. Don't tie your hands behind your back. Why don't you get as bold as Planned Parenthood's non-profit. Don't tie your hands behind your back. Why don't you get as bold as Planned Parenthood? I mean, they are. Yeah.

Like we- And that's the thing. Yeah. We cover constantly on this show. Like Yahoo's like Jim Baker. You want to pretend his show is not 86% politics? Yeah. He talks about Trump all the time.

These guys talk about, they veil it in this fucking couched bullshit language about, I had a dream and a dream is a vision and not just something boring that happens and my brain is dying. And then they tell you

about the time they went to heaven and their fucking magic Star Trek beamer machine or however they fucking get there. And then it turns out

Trump was there riding a motorcycle across the open plains or whatever crazy shit they're spouting. And we're supposed to pretend that that's nonpolitical? Sure. Well, also, how about the other people that are on the opposition are the devil? Those are people are Satan.

That's not political. Are we seriously saying that a side is evil and a side is good and you need to make a choice in the ballot box. I sure hope you choose the good side. It's not like he's coaching people to choose the evil side that he has clearly gone out of his way to say is evil 160 times in the last broadcast. I'm not endorsing any candidates, but what I am saying is that Hillary Clinton is possessed by demonic forces. Exactly. If you read between the lines, that's kind of on you. You make your own decisions out there. You're going to have to deal

with the consequences. God. I love how they pretend that their church is hamstrung or like, our hands are tied. We're really just, we're playing by the rules

here at the church. You're just like, what the fuck are you talking about? Well, you know, we're the little guy. Yeah. The churches. Speaking out about candidates

and philosophies about who needs to be in office. I just thought that that was a really cool reminder that when you look at Planned Parenthood, nobody goes after them saying, hey, you're nonprofit. You can't get involved in politics, but they're going after churches. So we need.

Literally nobody's going after the church. Not one church has ever been shut down. Also, how many times have they tried to pull all the funding for Planned Parenthood from the government? Yeah,

like all the time. How many times? Right now. How many times? Didn't they do it? Didn't they successfully like strip them of a significant amount

of their funding recently? I think so. And they've always had that caveat that you cannot use this money for any kind of abortions. Yeah, for abortion services. Right. Yeah. They've always had that caveat that you cannot use this money for any kind of abortion. Yeah, for abortion services.

Right, yeah. They've always had that caveat. Women's health services up to, but excluding the health service of abortion. You're allowed to slap the shit out of a woman with this, but other than that, we don't let you do anything else with it. Recognize that we've got greater standing

than we think we do. And my gosh, don't tie our hands behind our backs and get silent, especially as this election's approaching. How much does David want, David Barton want his hands tied behind his back? Oh, you're right. That guy is just so much. He wants someone to tie his hands.

He wants someone to stick a monument right up inside him. I got something here. I want to see if you know what this is. A cue. A cue. That's right. Yeah, I like that. Do you know why that's a Q? We don't exactly know who Q is. Q is not one person, okay? Q's plan saved the world. Yeah, that's it. And that is the letter Q. All right, this is an AP story from AP News. QAnon conspiracy theory creeps into mainstream politics. I can't believe that someone is sitting in the audience.

They're talking about a Donald Trump rally. Yeah. One of his white nationalist rallies that he can stall. I love that we're paying for that, though, guys. Right, yeah. Glad that's coming out of your taxpayer dollar. Paying for it. But in any case, he's on the stage

and he has a seizure of some sort that he constantly has. And he moves his hand and a woman in the audience, a 51-year-old woman, a goddamn adult, looks at someone next to them and says, did you see? Did you see? He just traced a cue.

He made a sign of the cue. He made a fucking, he made a secret sign to the audience that he is on your side, man. And thank you. Because like everything to these fucking knuckle heads is a goddamn symbol. Every fucking thing is a goddamn symbol. Not everything is a goddamn symbol. That's not how that works. Like, you know, like, like it's funny. Cause like I went to school and I have a degree in English lit. And so when when you when you've got a degree when you're reading literature you're looking for metaphors right you're looking for symbols to try to get to try to see if there's

access to a deeper meaning within the story right and you can you can go down a rabbit hole that is totally non-constructive where you look for this kind of bullshit, right? Where you go three steps from the facts, and you're like, okay, well, I mean, he moved his hands, and his hands were vaguely in the shape of a zero, and a zero is one initial away from a Q, but at the same time he was making the zero, he held up his other hand with his finger. Now, that other hand could intersect with the zero on his right hand.

That's a Q. By God, it's Q and R! And, like, it's easy to do if you're a fucking numbskull, right? It's easy to pull pieces together, but it isn't useful. And anybody who has like any fucking modicum of sense to them will realize like that there is a place in the world for metaphor. Like there is. And like, it is a legitimate enterprise to read something and to explicate through what somebody has said

to gain access to deeper meaning. It is entirely another thing to look at a goddamn political figure and say he moved his hands in a certain way. If he was sending a fucking signal to Q, why wouldn't he use the fucking like American Sign Language Q?

Why wouldn't he just tweet it? That's what he does with all of his orders. No shit, right? Why not just tweet it at That's what he does with all of his orders. No shit, right? Why not just tweet it at somebody? But he loves this Q shit, right? This is a base of yahoos. And he doesn't push these guys away

and he never corrects them. Right. Anybody who's on his side, even for the most obnoxious reasons, white nationalists love him. He never corrects them. He never repudiates the stupid, the evil, the mean-spirited.

Instead, he's complicit. He doesn't actively go out there and say QAnon is real, but when the Q people tweet him and attach him to things, and when the white nationalists do the same shit, he doesn't push that shit away either. No, he never has a press conference that says, I want to distance myself from David Duke. Right. He never has a press conference that says, I want to distance myself from David Duke. Right. He never has that press conference. Or this QAnon shit is all made up. This is all goofy.

What is wrong with you people? There's no rape pedo place underneath a pizza place. You people are nuts. Right. Nobody says that. Instead, he talks about the deep state because it helps him. I know. Because it's useful to him

our politics are being genuinely influenced by this fucking absolutely absolutely this complete and utter garbage like and that matters it matters because like the decisions the decision makers that we are going to choose are going to in some part be elected yeah based on a series of just nonsense, anonymous internet hearsay bullshit. Like, that should not be the world we're living in. Like, at some point, we have to, like, look around and be like, we're building our own dystopia. We're doing all the things that all the dystopic books told us, like, and we were in high school reading them being like well i'll never live in that world that's just an allegory for like a bit and then you're just like we're doing it intentionally like we one of my favorite like moments of realization when like i realized like wait a minute it was like do you did you read uh brave new world it

did yeah a long time ago though because i don't remember much of it that's all right so do you like they used to give out a drug in, like, they used to give out a drug in Brave New World. They used to give out a drug to make the populace like sleepy and complacent called Soma. Yeah, that's a real thing.

And that's legitimately a drug name now. Yeah, that's a real thing. And when that came out, I remember it was one of those moments we've talked about before where I'm like, no!

You didn't, that's from a, that is from a, that's a bad drug from a dystopic novel to keep people complacent and sleepy. And it is one of those, as I recall, it is one of those antidepressants. Yeah.

And then like, then later, like I think the same year, I realized that there's a company making a product called Soylent. Yeah, Soylent is a real thing. Right. And I was like, that's all? We're just in a world where we can't even parody ourselves anymore.

The Soylent thing always made me laugh because you want to ask the guy, you watched the movie, right? You saw the movie. Spoiler, it's made from people. People! We're doing stuff in a way now where I'm looking I'm less like yeah we fucking I we know better because we made fun of it and we said well I don't want to live

in that world let's read it in high school and I'll be like the world is shitty if we do this then we're just like I'm gonna do that then immediately one wonder if I wonder if, I wonder if, you know how they always say that when you're a conservative, you get to be a conservative as you get older. Yeah. I wonder if as you get older, you just notice that it's more,

it's been a dystopia the whole time. Right. Maybe that's the case. Maybe, maybe like, maybe it's been a dystopia. Piggy's head has been on a fucking stake.

It's been a dystopia our whole life. We just didn't realize it until recently. Yeah. Yeah. We've been dancing around a fucking pig's head for fuckingstopia our whole life. We just didn't realize it until recently. Yeah. Yeah, we've been dancing around a fucking pig's head for fucking 40 years of my life, but I didn't Got it quite right yet You can say that again Look what it's done

To my kid It always goes wrong When we come to the dessert Always Oh this is Fucking amazing This is right wing watch They threw this up

On Twitter It's just a clip Of Jim Baker He's got the solution guys It's a silver solution Silver fox Has a silver solution He's not a silver solution. Silver Fox has a silver solution. He's not a silver

Fox. He is not. No. He looks like one of those, you know when you make an avatar on a Wii or whatever? Yeah, he does. He looks like a me with no hair and a gray beard. He does. He would be the easiest me to make. He would be the easiest

me. Yeah. Yeah. Here we go. This influenza that is now circling the globe. It's not an influenza. So it's, let's start there. Let's start there. We're already wrong. Yeah.

Second word. You got this right. Yeah, this influenza is wrong. Yeah. It's not influenza. Here's the thing. Influenza is still killing people around the globe. Oh, yeah. Absolutely killing people around the globe absolutely killing people

it'll do it next year it's gonna keep doing it it's not gonna stop it's not gonna slow down it's always gonna and it's gonna kill millions of people a year

every single year from now until ever and it's maybe gonna get worse really really much worse in the future it could get so bad that it goes back to 19, what is it, 17

levels. 1918 or 17, yeah. 1917 levels where half the population of the world is just I'm shitting out everywhere! I'm gonna die real soon! My lungs are made of tissue paper now that I made of anything. Now I'm dead. Oh, I just shout my lungs out.

That crazy fucking flu pandemic in the 19-teens killed more people than World War I and World War II. Yeah. That's fucking insane. It's an,

and it's one of those things that you don't really think about, but that was a pandemic that was within, at this point, just out of a century. Yeah. It's just out of a century.

But it's funny because like, it was a flu pandemic a hundred years ago and like, things haven't changed, right? So like, we do not have,

we do not have a universal flu vaccine that works for every type of flu. They have to make it every year. It's new every year. It's newer every year. and part of the reason

that that flu spread as quickly as it did is for the first time you had this dissemination of all these troops returning from the war and they brought the flu back as quickly as it did is for the first time you had this dissemination of all these troops returning from the war and they brought the flu back home so it moved up globally but people move faster now faster and more than sending the fucking troops and more people so like it's not like it's not like when we were looking at like oh remember the bubonic plague you're like yeah i could take antibiotics and i don't get the plague now yeah it's like the

flu will still fuck you up. Yeah. That could still happen like next flu season. Could be next flu season. It could be that. It could be, it could, it could be just instead of a few million, it could be hundreds of millions of people could die. Orders of magnitude worse.

It could be a billion people die from it. That's, that's not an, that's not outrageous to think that a billion people could die from the flu, especially with as populated as the world is and how easily we get around it. Right. We like to think that, like, oh, yeah, we've got so many more options. Not when it comes to viruses like that. Yeah. I don't know what Tamiflu can do.

Well, yeah, and Tamiflu is reasonably effective. And they've actually found that some of the antiretroviral drugs that are effective in treating HIV are also effective in treating some of these pneumonia-causing viruses like the coronavirus and also like some of the virulent strains of influenza. So I'm not saying there's no other options, but like it's not like a cure like antibiotics are. And with some bad turns and bad policies, you could easily see something like this easily spiral out of control. We do a pretty good job of keeping it in control. But again, like we said, millions of people every year die of the flu. You're saying that Silver Solution would-

Okay, so he's holding up essentially a hydrogen peroxide bottle with a label on it that just says Silver Solution. That's all it says on it. It's in blue, says silver solution. No one has any idea what's the contents, presumably silver. That's the one content we could guess, but we're not sure. Well, to be fair, the bottle was white before all the colloidal silver went in it. And now it's turned blue. And now it's smurfed out. And there you go. Be effective. Well, let's say it hasn't been tested on this strain of the coronavirus,

but it's been tested on other strains. Can we just say it hasn't been tested? Right. Let's just say not been tested. I love it. She's like, it hasn't been tested on this strain of the coronavirus.

Like that one, then it literally does not matter. Yeah. Like literally, whatever you say after that sentence literally cannot matter. Exactly. It is impossible for the next sentence you say to make any difference.

Sorry, you didn't download the update. Right. Sorry. Can't log in. All right. Well. On other strains of the coronavirus and has been able to eliminate it within 12 hours. Yeah.

Totally. Yeah. No, no. Yeah. Totally. Yeah. No, no. Yeah, SARS was not defeated. Like, so, coronaviruses are called coronaviruses because they look like they have

a corona under a microscope. Like, they have, like, a certain shape to them. Sure. Like, SARS was another type of coronavirus. They didn't beat SARS because somebody drank

a bunch of colloidal silver. That wouldn't happen to have a hydrogen peroxide bottle along with them. Yeah. Get the fuck out of here. It kills it. It deactivates it. Yeah. And fuck out of here. It kills it and deactivates it.

Yeah. And then it boosts your immune system. So then you can support the recovery because when you kill the virus, then the immune system comes into action to clear it out. So you want. Wait, I got to hear that again. I don't, I don't know that I understood it.

I don't, I don't know that it can be understood. All right. But I want to hear it again just to see if I didn't. So then you can support the recovery because when you kill the virus, then the immune system comes into action to clear it out. So you want...

Oh, I think she's saying that the thing kills the virus and then the immune system is the janitor that mops up the jizz pile after the... And that's why you recover from illness? I don't. It aids in recovery because the thing that was making you sick is gone. And then your

immune system kicks in. Your immune system up until that point was just like, I didn't know what to do. Fuck it, I gave it the office. Whatever. A vibrant immune system as well as an ability to deactivate these viruses. That's so good.

Oh my god, we got to get a clip of her just being like, that's so good. There we go. That's so good. A Bible-based marriage is between one man, a woman, another woman, yet another woman, a few more women, an adulterer, and a pack of raped whores. And frankly, enough booty to make a Mormon compound seem quaintly understaffed this is from foxnews.com utah law would decriminalize polygamy among consenting adults

i just want to say that doesn't cody brown from that reality show the tv reality show sister wives doesn't he look like a sort of house of pancakescakes version of Sammy Hagar. Right? Doesn't he look? Doesn't he look? He looks like he's going to take your order and every year he goes as Sammy Hagar for Halloween. Right? He does.

He looks like Sammy Hagar and boysenberry syrup had a baby. Or like 16 babies with like seven different pancakes. I know. He's got all different Mormon names for him. I actually grabbed this story, not because I actually give a shit about, like I care about polygamy in the sense that it's often a way

for very young, non-consenting girls. I agree with that. Yeah. If it's not to be like roped into something terrible. I agree with that. I think that's horrible. It's horrifying, right? That's 100% wrong.

The law making it legal for consenting adults may actually do some good by shining some light, like being like, hey, there's a legal way to practice. So anybody practicing this religious tradition in an illegal way is kind of going out of their way now. You know, when it's all illegal, it's sort of like, you know, when all drugs are illegal,

it's like, what's the fucking difference? I'm breaking the law, I'm breaking the law. Sure. But it's like, ah, you can do this without breaking the law, without being evil. So now all the people who are going out and fucking kids and pretending that it's a religious marriage ceremony,

like, that shines a different light on those guys. Now, if you have to register, because your family wouldn't be the one that would support you in the sense that they wouldn't tell on you now. Now they'll say, oh no, you can be polygamous now. Go ahead and be polygamous. Why do you have to get a 14-year-old, weirdo?

Yeah, you don't have to do that. You can go out and marry whoever you want. But a couple of things I think are kind of interesting with this. The first is like, where are all the fucking religious zealots that were opposed to gay marriage saying marriage is one man and one woman. Oh yeah.

Yeah. Where are you at? Where are you at guys? Cause this isn't one man and one woman. This is one man and a woman and a woman and a woman and a woman, you know, or the other way. I don't think it works in Utah the other way,

but I don't think they could make the law the other way. So where are all those fucking assholes now? Protesting and picketing and up in arms. Where's the Fred Phelpses? Where's all the rest of those assholes with their dumbass argument that marriage is between one man and one woman? Oh, they're strangely silent when it's like, oh, I don't want to piss off my

Mormon brothers. They have a billion dollars sucked away or however much they've got. They have every way to try to manipulate anybody's view of this through mass marketing. Right. They can, and they might do it if it is something that I think

the main church wants to do. They could do something like that. They could easily sway an entire, Utah is first the easiest state to sway. I mean, let's be real frank here. You could sway Utah into killing itself tomorrow. But the fact is, is that they could easily, I think, sway the public of Utah to make this a law. I don't know how this deals. I don't know where federal law steps in and what

happens there. Well, that's the other thing I wanted to talk about is like where this gets like super fucking weird is like most states have reciprocal agreements from state to state to recognize your marriage. So if you are married in one state and you move to another state, you're still married and all the same legal protections apply. Right. That got weird when some states were recognizing gay marriage and then other states didn't. Yeah. And so like there were circumstances where people would get married in one state where it was legal, gay couple get married,

then they move to another state and then that state didn't recognize their marriage and then they would want to get divorced. Right. And they couldn't get divorced. So they'd have to move back to the state where they got married

because in the state where they lived, they weren't actually married, but they kind of were and they kind of weren't. So they created this weird middle ground. I am really curious what this is going to do for the reciprocal nature of recognizing

marriage. Especially if you don't marry all the same people in sequence. Because my first thought was like, oh, well, they'll just recognize the first marriage. But what if you got married to three people all at once? On the same day. Yeah. Like, do they recognize none of them? Are they forced to recognize all of them?

And is the honeymoon like a relay race then? I don't know how this works. You're just like running with your dick out. Tag, you're it. Tag, you're it. Tag, you're it. Tag, you're it. Tag, you're it. Well, let me tell you, that's what they do anyway, Tom. It's like a weird duck-duck-do situation. I, like you, I am not of the mind that consenting adults need me there to decide whether or not their love is important enough to be between one or a group. If you want to be a

group think and have your little coven of whatever, do what you want. That's on you. I don't care. It doesn't, it's not my deal. It's not my, it's not how I'm affected. I'm not affected by it at all. The only way I could be affected by it is if there's something that happens, say,

insurance wise, right? Because if you're paying less premiums or something like that, that may cause some issue, right? There may be some weird insurance stuff that could happen,

right? Oh yeah. So I don't know how it works, right? Yeah, because usually you pay employee, then employee plus spouse, then employee plus family. Yeah. So what goes in? You'd probably have to just say family member is a family member, period. Now, I worked for a corporation that allowed any other domiciled adult to be put on your insurance. Really? That's very productive. As just a, it doesn't matter who you are.

You could be, and you don't have to be even married. As long as you happen to be in the same household and you're together, they would allow you to do it. So that's very progressive. So it was, so I've, I've, I've worked for places like that too. So that maybe it would change that way. But I, again, I hope this becomes something really big and insurance companies are scratching their head over it.

So then we can all just go, let's go single payer then. Because single payer fixes everything. I don't have to worry about it. Yeah. Nobody cares anymore. Simple solution to weird problems. China has total respect for Donald Trump's very, very large brain. They call her Pocahontas.

I am the chosen one. You are fake news. Okay. I am the least racist person. Oh, look at my African-American over here. Look at him. It's a camera. Grab him by the pussy. Stop it. So Tom, this week in Trump, there was some weirdness that happened with Trump this week. Now we missed last week. We had recorded early. Yes. But we did predict what was going to happen

in the Senate. Yep. We were able to predict that they would acquit Donald Trump. We figured it was going to be on party lines. We were wrong Yeah, Mitt Romney.

in the sense that Mitt Romney did vote for one of the charges. Yep. High crimes and misdemeanors. He was the one who said that the president was guilty. He did not think that the president obstructed Congress.

So he did not vote against that. That was straight party line. But he is the first and only person in the history of the United States to vote against his party's president in the Senate impeachment trial. So it's an important big deal. It is.

And he's being rung over the coals by it, even by people in his is. And he's being rung over the coals by it, even by people in his own family, he's being rung over the coals. It's ridiculous. His niece or whatever, who is the RNC something muckety muck in Utah is saying there should be a recall vote. They're being very vicious to him.

They're being awful to him. You know, if somebody has a different opinion, we should hang them out to dry forever. He was called traitor by people, so he's being, at this point, beaten about the head and shoulders. Doesn't that tell you how fair that trial was? Oh, yeah, right?

How wonderfully fair and fact-based is a trial where if reasonable people can come to different conclusions, which is what the Republicans were saying, right? One of the things the Republicans said a lot is reasonable people can come to different conclusions. But what they meant is we can come to different conclusions as a Borg thing. And you can come to different conclusions as a Borg thing.

Yeah. And it was really appalling how they're treating him. Genuinely, don't get me wrong. I'm not a Mitt Romney fan. I've never been a Mitt Romney fan. Mitt Romney was, I've never been a Mitt Romney fan. Mitt Romney was, I was, I thought he was so boring. I did not think he could ever be president when he ran. I was laughing when he was running. It was, it was absurd that he was running for president. He, I do not think

he deserves any special accolades for his decision here because it is literally the bare minimum that you could ask someone to do. Listen to a trial and vote their conscience. it is literally the bare minimum that you could ask someone to do. Listen to a trial and vote their conscience. It's literally the bare minimum, but he's the only Republican that even deserves a modicum of respect just for that. Yeah. He deserves respect in that he does not deserve derision. Yeah. All the rest of them deserve derision. Absolutely.

There's no way you look at the facts of that thing and you're like, that wasn't an abuse of power. Yeah. There's no fucking way that you look at that and say that was not an abuse of power. And then like, when we talked about this on our last record, like, great. Now we have a fucking king. And so what does the king fucking do? Yeah. The king looks at all the fucking people and

says, all right, who are all my enemies now as a result of this trial? And he's going after them. Yeah. I mean, he's firing people. He didn't fire, but he moved Vindman, who was the lieutenant colonel, I think. He moved him out of the White House. And his twin brother, who had nothing to do with it,

moved him out of the White House. Had them escorted out of the White House. Yeah, had them escorted out of the White House. He's recalled Sondland, I think. So he's going after all the people that caused him grief and he's manipulating it. And they say, you know, the other side is saying, yeah, well, you're allowed to do stuff like that. You're allowed to fire and keep whoever you want as the on your whim. But it is clear that he is going out of his way. He's even saying things

to the Pentagon saying, I hope that they discipline Sondland, or not Sondland, I hope they discipline Vindman. I hope that they look into him. I hope that they dig into him. And one of his old advisors, his old secretary of state, John Kelly today, sent a message out and said, I don't know why you're going after,

that's what we tell these people to do. This is how we tell them to act. And so he attacked John Kelly and then Bolton had to stand up for John Kelly and say he was a standup guy and he should not be attacked. It's unbelievable how, how quickly this president will just attack anybody who is, who says anything that isn't in lockstep with him. I mean, genuinely lockstep. If you're not a hundred percent with him, he will go after you. He will go after you like a fucking viper. He won't stop. I also want to talk too about the State of the Union that we didn't,

we wound up recording the night before the State of the Union. Black Lung Rush Limbaugh wound up getting the Medal of Freedom. Yeah, the highest civilian award available. And there was some amazing articles out there. One from The Onion that said something like he returned it after he found that people

like Rosa Parks and MLK had gotten it. Because Rush is a racist. I mean, let's be honest. He's an absolute racist. And he's a piece of shit. And the fact that Rush

has cancer just speeds up the timeline that everyone was hoping for. That's all that means. Rush Limbaugh getting that medal is an absolute affront to everyone in the United States that ever thought that medal was worth anything. It's abysmal that that man is gonna get,

got that medal and he got a fucking standing ovation by all those chimps in the fucking, in the Senate. Unbelievable. So that happened last week. And then we talked about Vindman a little, but another thing that happened was Roger Stone was going to be sentenced. And as Roger Stone was going to be sentenced, Roger Stone, the recommendation from the Justice Department prosecutors was seven to nine years. As soon as President Trump found out, he started tweeting about how unfair that was. And immediately the Justice Department overruled the people that are on that case. The prosecutors. The prosecutors on that case. The Justice Department prosecutors. Overruled them and they wound up resubmitting the suggested punishment that they were looking for.

And they overruled them. All four have left the case. One of them fully resigned from the Justice Department over this. It's fucking, like, we're at a place, like, we talked about this before, like, it's, you've got a president right now who is behaving as a king, as a czar, as emperor. He's, like, he is exerting power to help his friends. Like, Roger Stone is one of the president's friends. And like we're in a spot right now where like the president, the most powerful person in

the country is using his political power specifically to help his friend out of a jam. We should not be okay with that. But like there is a team of people that are like, look, everything my team does is okay. It doesn't matter if it's actually okay. If my team did it, that's the thing that made it okay. Right, right. That's a terrifying place for American politics to be in. That's where we live. 100% undeniably where we're at right now.

Please enjoy this next Cecil rant from our recent live stream on February 13th 2020. If you would prefer to not hear Cecil yell about Comcast, please skip forward 8 minutes and 10 seconds. Enjoy it. I do want to talk to stream real quick. How has the stream been tonight? Have we run into any problems?

Has there been any dips? Any freezes? We made some changes tonight. And while we're doing that, I want to tell a story. So before we continue on, I want to tell a story about Comcast. Comcast was the people who were providing our internet

here in the studio for a long time. Comcast was having an issue. For a while, we've been having problems with our stream. Our stream has kept on dropping. We'd be playing fine for a while and then it would drop. We have been paying Comcast we've been having problems with our stream. Our stream has kept on dropping. There would be a, we'd be playing fine for a while and then it would drop. We have been paying Comcast

for the last couple months, almost $500 a month for internet here in the studio. Because it's a business account. You can't get a home account at the studio. The studio is in a business park and business building. Right.

So they won't let you have a regular. So we have to get a business account. And in order to get it, the speeds we wanted, we had to update our speed. So we're paying an immense amount of money. Huge amount. Way more than Tom and I's internet after,

both of our internet at home is cheap. Our internet combined. Combined is cheap. So it's an immense, immense amount of money. Yep. So we wind up paying them and it keeps fucking up.

And Ian keeps telling us it's not anything in the studio that's doing this. It's clearly something wrong with the ISP. So I call the internet service provider. They come out. They start working on the internet.

The guy comes out for two and a half hours. Ian's on the phone and I'm here in the studio. He worked on every single piece of the wire that is in our studio and on the way down all the way.

He says to me, there's nothing wrong with any of the stuff inside at all. Nothing whatsoever wrong with any of the stuff inside the building. This is an outside the building problem. And I said, so what do we do? And he said, I have to call a line tech.

I'm going to get a line tech. Line tech's going to come out and they're going to fix the problem. I said, okay, cool. I wait a week. The internet is still as shitty as it always was. It's intermittent. Basically, the problem is

is that our internet is intermittent. It's bursting fast for a moment and then shuts down and then bursting fast and shuts down and bursting fast and shuts down. It keeps doing it over and over and over and over again. So Ian says, well, why don't we try to run the stream,

a test stream, off of your phone? Let's just see what happens if you run it off your phone. So what we're running right now is that fast computer is shitting the stream out to you guys on an LTE network.

It's not running through Comcast. Comcast isn't touching any of this. Comcast can't do it. Comcast can't do it. It's running basically off a cell phone. Thatcast isn't touching anything. Comcast can't do it. It's running basically off a cell phone. That's what's running that. And it's a hundred thousand times better than anything Comcast was producing for us. So I called Comcast to ask them, when are you going to come out? When are you going to fix this thing? They say, well, we need to send a tech out. And I said, well,

what do you have to send a tech out for? And the person I was talking to was like a brick wall. I literally couldn't even get through to him. So I said, fine, send a tech out. And then I kind of got mad. I thought about it for a day. And I got a little mad about it. I was like, why the fuck do you have to send a tech out to do the exact same thing you've already done?

You've essentially done all the same stuff. Right. So I get to the office in the morning and I say, you know what, I'm going to call him and talk to him. I get on the phone and I say, hey, Comcast, I don't want you to send a tech out because I don't want the tech to come out and do the exact same thing that they've already done for two and a half hours and waste my time and know that it's something outside. I said, why don't you guys fix the outside line?

And the lady started yelling at me on the phone, telling me it's my fault that they're coming out. And I said, well, it's not my fault. Your line is broken. And she said, our line is fine. Your internet is fine. I can send out tech out if you want. And I said, well, it's not my fault. Your line is broken. And she said, our line is fine. Your internet is fine. I can send a tech out if you want. And I said, well, you're saying my internet's fine, but I know it's not fine. She's like, it's fine. And I said, well, then what can you do? And she said, well, I can send a tech out. And I said, so you're going to send a tech out to do the exact same thing? And she said, yeah. And I said, why? She's like, because your internet's fine. And I said, cancel my call 100% canceled that we downgraded our internet. We are now, right now.

And then I tweeted out at Comcast, right? So I tweeted at Comcast to tell them how terrible their service was. Immediately, because we have like 15,000 people that follow us on Twitter, immediately they get back to me within 30 minutes. DM these people right away. DM these people right away.

So I DM'd them just to see what would happen. We're not interested in using Comcast anymore because they suck my fucking left nut and I fucking hate that company and I hope fucking they just dissolve tonight and no one would ever care. No one would ever. Nobody in the world would look into the world wistfully

with a tear in their eye wanting Comcast to come back. But anyway, these motherfuckers, I DM them. I was like, fine, I'll fucking DM Comcast cares. Sure thing. So I DM them and they asked for my information. I gave them my information. They come back to me and they say, I'm really sorry about your service. I see that you've been with us for a while. We can send a tech out. And I said, you're fucking kidding me, right? I literally told you this whole story

about how that was your fucking solution and that's not the solution. So I sent him a message back and I said, look, you can send a tech wherever you want. I am not going to be in my office.

You could send a tech anywhere. I don't care. Wherever the tech goes, that's on you. I said, you could talk to the tech that came to my business and he could tell you stories. He could regale you with the tale of what happened. But I am literally never sitting in my office waiting for your dumb asses to reset my fucking modem six fucking times in a row. Oh my God. Fuck you. I was so tempted tonight to run a shitty,

terrible fucking stream that just kept crashing and having a fucking internet proudly fucking presented by Comcast on there with a running fucking tally of how many times it crashed because we ran into obstacle after obstacle and it was all internet service provider. It's running fucking rock solid right now. So cell phone. So put the camera on me real quick, Ian. Just put it on me if you can. Just just me.

This one's for you, Comcast. Go fuck yourself. I want to disintegrate every relationship I have with you. I hate you with the fucking heat of a thousand burning suns dying of fire. Thank you. I'm done. Rant done. Okay. But at least we've solved the problem. We have.

And it's fucking running off a cell phone, for Christ's sakes. It's running off a cell phone and it's rock solid and it's faster service than we ever got with a hard line. That we paid $500 a month for. $500 a month.

Okay. All right. I can see that you're- It's $10, Tom. Yes, I know. It's a 50. I was going to say, we are spending one 50th of the price though to get better service. It's fucking $10. And they were super fucking nice to you when you went to buy it. That's the other thing too. When I went into fucking Verizon,

those dudes were sweet as pie. They had me in and out of there. They were like, oh, we can, we can set you up with this or this or this. And you know what? To, to save you money instead of going on a business account, let's put it on your personal account. Cause you probably won't see much savings with a business account anyway. And this and this and they just, $10 extra a month.

And I bought a device. That was it. That was the entirety of it. Yeah. That was it. Fucking assholes. Fuck you. And you know, the problem is, is that they got a fucking monopoly.

And that's their fucking problem is they fucking run everything. There's no other option here. There's no other. In Chicago, on this block that we're on, there is no RCN, which is the other competitor in Chicago. I can't get RCN here. And the only internet we can get from AT&T is DSL and the tower's too far away. So our DSL signal, the most they're going to charge us

is $60 a month, but it's a shitty signal that was like, you can download a gigabyte in about an hour. I was thinking to myself, well, that'll be useless. Thanks. The internet is way faster. Verizon is way better so far.

So hearty face to Verizon. Fuck Comcast. We did have the option to, just to be fair, we did have the option of paying Comcast to run the fiber to, just to be fair, we did have the option of paying Comcast to run the fiber to our building. They would run fiber to us,

but we would have to pay for their infrastructure to run it to the building. And how much was the fiber a month? Oh, the fiber was $1,000. It was $1,000 a month. $1,000 a month. So $1,000 a month. Plus, we pay the cost of bringing the infrastructure. And we have to pay them to bring it into our building. Right. Fuck you, Comcast. Dying of fire.

Are you guys changing your personalities for Abby? Okay, this is exactly the kind of male douchebaggery that is about to take a real hit around here. Don't you know? I'm talking about a femolution. Tracy Chapman. She's a woman, right? So this story comes to us from Right Wing Watch. This is Dave, coach.

Da coach. Not a coach. Da Ben Meyer. Dave hopes to sue the NFL for putting his eternal salvation at risk with the Super Bowl halftime show. So he mentioned this on the stream. He was on, Colbert did a joke, a whole joke thing about him. I am amazed that he's a big enough presence to come to the attention of Colbert. It's crazy.

And so he's been made fun of by Colbert, but that is a different clip that Colbert was making fun of. So check out the Colbert show, which is like the Tonight Show or something like that, or the Late Show. I'm not sure which one he's on.

I don't know. But it's one of those. Check it out. And then we're going to play this clip though. Now in this clip, he's still got his goatee. He shaves this off. Which is interesting

because we watched a clip tonight where he doesn't have his goatee. So he's got his goatee. He shaves this off. Which is interesting, because we watched a clip tonight where he doesn't have his goatee. Right. So he's got his goatee in this clip, so I don't know. This one's clearly before. This is the before, because you're not gonna... That's not a five o'clock shadow goatee. Like I said, without a goatee, he looks like the human version of one of those

hairless cats. He does. He looks like you need to oil him. Yeah. Constantly. You have to like rub shit into his skin just to make sure he doesn't dry out and crack. This is Dave. I think we're on a suit. I think we're on a suit. Is someone playing asteroids in the background?

Do you hear that? I was thinking the same thing. Did you hear that? You know what it sounds? Do you remember playing on the Atari? Yeah, it's an Atari. It's an Atari sound for sure. There was like, that's a big, you know what it sounds, do you remember playing on the Atari? Yeah, it's an Atari, it's an Atari sound for sure. There was a game

where you flew around and then like, you could go into like hyperspace mode and like picked up guys on the ground. Do you remember what it was? Defender.

Defender, this sounds like Defender to me. It sounds, yeah. Tom, I know you only played one or two of those games, but they all sound the same.

Do they? They all sound the same, Tom. Because you're right, because the other game I'm thinking of that I played was that tank game. Oh yeah, and it had the same. Do they? They all have the same sound. Because you're right. Because the other game I'm thinking of that I played was that tank game. Oh yeah. And it had the same sound.

Yeah. It has the exact same sound. It's always that. You're right. Did you play a lot of Atari? So I played a lot of Atari and then every other system after that. So you were always into games.

Yeah. Since I was a little kid, the first, I got liked games since I was a little kid the first I got an Atari when I was a very very young man my brothers wanted an Atari I played Atari with them

and loved it I thought it was great and then we didn't get anything for many years the very next and I know there was a bunch of other stuff that came out

in the interim but we did not get anything until the very first thing I got was a Nintendo after an Atari. So it was an Atari, then a Nintendo. I know there was a lot of other gaming systems that came out in the interim and I did not have any of those. I only had the Atari and then the... When I moved in with my dad, he had an Atari and he used to play Pac-Man. And then I played Atari

on his Atari. And it was like the old 2600 with like the wood grain fake cabinet thing and everything. And I remember like when Pitfall 2 came out. Pitfall was amazing, yeah. But Pitfall 2 had an end.

It was the first Atari game that I was aware of. I'm sure there were probably others that had a story and it had an end to it. It wasn't just like a relentless...

What does Pitfall 2 look like graphically? Is it the same thing? It's a different game than Pitfall 1. Like it had levels. Like you went through, like it was like an astonishing, like it blew my mind, right?

Because like all the other Atari games you play, like for me, like I'd play them for a while and I'd be like, it's not changing at all. Like I got bored by it. Pac-Man is a perfect example. It just gets faster. It just goes faster. It just goes faster.

Pitfall, you just keep doing Pitfall you can eventually make it back to the beginning can you really? you can go back and flip the level and just go back if you can make it all the way through

there's nothing there's no end but Pitfall 2 has an end to it I never got to the end to it but I was aware that there was an end to it and I was like

that was the only game that I was like once I realized I'm like I'm just gonna play this because this has a purpose and I played the that was the only game that I was like, once I realized, I'm like, I'm just going to play this because this has a purpose. Yeah. And I played the shit out of that game

and I never beat that game. I was terrible at video games. Never beat it. Terrible at them. Yeah. Sid, what do you mean? I think we have a suit. That's what I think.

Hey, folks. Is Darth Vader behind him? Well, yeah, it's very, what is happening? Is there, is his friend, one of these people who's calling in, Hey, folks. Is Darth Vader behind him? Well, yeah, it's very... What is happening? Seriously. Is his friend one of these people who's calling in? Are they on a respirator?

What is happening? Yeah, they're in a hospital somewhere, and there's a fucking one of those weird-ass fucking accordion things going up and down. He left his sleep apnea machine on in the background. He did. That's what he did. Or he's got a pug or something. Were there any warnings before that Super Bowl? Did he almost say before That's what he did. Or he's got a pug or something. Were there any warnings

before that Super Bowl? Did he almost say before that shit? He did. He came close. Let me hear what he said. Before that Super Bowl. And he covered his,

you guys, he covered his mouth. He's like, oh, I almost said shit on my... Almost said poopy. Don't you wonder how this guy talks to his wife?

Oh my gosh. You know this guy says the N word every three words. You know this guy is just an outrageously bigoted, hateful, mean-spirited guy. You know he is. He's so mad all the time. He's so mad. You know he is.

Halftime show. Would that halftime show, would that have been rated PG? Does it have to be? Also, yes. But like, why does it have to be? Also, yes. Yeah. But, like, why does it have to be? Like, football is not necessarily a PG thing. Like, the ads in football are all, like, they're not all, but, like, there's tons of alcohol ads in football, right?

That promote the sale and consumption of alcohol. That's, like, remember, like, Bud Light was a huge sponsor of football. They still are. They still are. So like, I'm gonna fucking set my kids in front of the TV and I love it. It's like, would that have been rated PG? Well, PG is still parental guidance. That's why I said yes.

Here's the thing. There's women. What he's upset about is J-Lo and Shakira doing their dance and youira doing their dance and you could see their bloomers. Let me give you a little fucking clue here. There's women on the sideline

who do jumping splits and cartwheels and fucking throw your fucking legs in the air over your fucking shoulders all the time with bloomers on, okay? It's not a big deal. They do it from high school all the way, maybe even middle school,

I know. all the way up. Every single game that I had, there was a cheerleading squad in my school. There's a cheerleading and prom squad. They all wore the same

goddamn outfit. It was a tiny, short little skirt with sneakers and bloomers. Yeah. That was the outfit. That's still the standard outfit

for every single fucking cheerleader in the world. It's not a provocative outfit. It's literally unprovocative. They're wearing granny panties for Christ's sakes. Every time we turn on the TV, it should be okay for a kindergartner to watch. Like, if I can reasonably expect that, like, I mean, I just feel like, like, isn't that like your job as a parent is to decide what's acceptable for your household? And then to decide, like, how your kids consume media according to those expectations? Yeah. Aren't you watching in between the panty shots, guys hitting each other in the helmet so they fucking get concussions and induce each other to shoot their families?

Like, aren't we, what are we pretending that all the rest of the violence in between, the pussy is bad and not bad? Is that what we're pretending? Well, you know what? That's a great point. It's like, we have, we are fucked up in our priorities around what we find acceptable

and unacceptable because like, there's a shit ton of goddamn violence on tv and it's not controversial at all i could turn on regular tv and i could watch you know the first 48 hours that's real life non-fiction dying people fucking people getting murdered all show is about fucking murder and they show yep law and order sv Oh, it's a fucking another rape show. I can watch that shit. The amount of violence that I can watch on TV and all the existence of that shit is totally non-controversial.

But as soon as sexuality comes into play in any way, shape or form, and not even like sexual stuff, but just sexiness in general comes into play, people get all fucking worked up. If your priorities are such that you're okay exposing kids to violence, but not to sex, like, I mean, my wife and I were talking,

like, she makes a great point. Like, she wants her kids to eventually have, we don't want to know about it, but a sex life. We don't want our kids to have a violence life. Yeah. Like, I want them to grow into people that have as little contact with horrific violence as possible. Yeah, like, I want them to grow into people that have as little contact with horrific violence

as possible. Yeah, like to avoid the violence if possible. But I would like the kids to grow up to have sex lives, to feel sexual and to be sexy feeling and all that kind

of good stuff. But like, we're prudes about sex and we're like really kind of comfortable with extreme levels of open violence. And that's a fucked up system.

It's a fucked up priority. I'm blown away by the level of violence that we can see on regular television all the time. I'm always blown away by it. I might even be a prude to some of that violence. I might look at it and think, Jesus, are we seriously, is this seriously network television that I'm watching? Where somebody's fucking brain just got blown out? Watch any of the cable channels. And the cable channels

push that limit as hard as they can. I'm not talking about the pay cable channels. The ones that are HBO or whatever. I expect it on HBO. When I watch Game of Thrones, I expect the guys had to get fucking clipped off like a fucking dandelion. I get it. I understand. And I know what I'm getting into. I'm talking about

USA. I'm talking about usa i'm talking about uh a and e i'm talking about fx yeah fx i'm talking about those channels yeah where there's some sort of violent graphic violence that happens and i'm just blown away by it don't get me wrong i don't turn the channel because you're always but i'm always shocked that i see it on a show like that you You can watch the entire Breaking Bad. You can watch all of Breaking Bad. And there is some violence in Breaking Bad, the series, that is gruesome. Yeah.

That is absolutely gruesome and kind of heartbreaking, some of it. There's not a single titty. Yeah. Right? There's no boobs. There's five F-bombs. Right. Right?

Not a lot of swearing in there at all. Nobody swore. Nobody's swearing. Why are they not swearing? Exactly. Why is there no boobs? Yep. Because it's FX or whatever.

And it's because it can pass through the sensors. Yeah. The sensors are the ones that decide it. This was, you know, and I understand all those points, but this is so non-controversial. Yeah. This tiny bit of skin that he saw,

they're fucking leggings with bloomers on. Yeah. You can't even see their skin. It's like getting worked up that Elvis shook his hips. Yeah, it seriously is. Yeah. Absolutely. Were there any warnings

that your 12-year-old young son whose hormones are just getting ready, just starting to operate. Getting ready? Getting ready. His hormones are starting to operate. He doesn't know how bodies are. His hormones are repping their engines.

Just these guys, his hormones just like, I'm going to get ready to be a hormone. Oh, yeah, when I'm a hormone. Listen, if you got a 12-year-old boy, this is the least of your worries. Yeah, right. Your 12-year-old boy has already been exposed to things that would make your fucking eyelashes curl.

Are you kidding me? Whatever you're going to eat for dinner tonight, your 12-year-old boy already fucked it. So don't worry about it. Was there any warning that what he's going to see might cause him to get sexually excited? Well, so what if he did? When I was 12, everything made me sexually excited. So what if he did? When I was 12 everything made me sexually excited. A bumpy car ride would get me going.

It's always that one class where you don't have the book. Right, yeah. And you're just like, Jesus, what am I going to do? I can't stay here forever. It's like, I would like a detention. I'm going to punch the teacher. That's what I'm going to do. Jesus Christ. I can't move. I think we ought to go sit down in the courtroom and present this as evidence.

And how. What he's got called up is some Bible verses. So yeah, let's, Tom, why don't you read two through six? Cause that's all that's available to us. All right. And Jesus called a little child unto him and set him in the midst of them. Wait a second. Hold on a second.

I think maybe those priests are taking this a little too literally. All right. Alright. And said, Verily I say unto you, except ye be converted and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest

in the kingdom of heaven. And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me. Well, that sounds dirty. I don't know. Anyway, the last one. But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck,

and that, in italics for no reason, he were drowned in the depth of the sea. What? Jeez. That came out of nowhere. Jesus, king of peace, taking a fucking, dropping a motherfucker with cement shoes and shit. Jesus was OG, man. Fucking A.

It's a nice converted little kid you got here. It'd be a shame if something happened to him. Like someone were to drown him for a little bit and then not drown him and then drown him and then not drown him and then drown him and then not drown him.

Yeah. First off, this means literally nothing. Yeah. Okay. So, first off. What it means is that if a child converts to love Jesus and then you offend him,

you should be killed for offending a child. Hopefully the child's like the kid from the Twilight Zone. He could just wish you in the cornfields. You don't have to get drowned by the neck. Just if you take offense, you offended a child. Who cares? They're kids.

They don't even have feelings. And sometimes they just get offended for no reason. Right. Yeah. For no, because they're fickle. Yeah.

Kids get, kids get offended because they didn't get their way right now. Yeah. They could be getting their way in a little while. And the moment the other night

where I was at Binnie's and I was, it's, it's, I have these moments a lot where I wipe the, wipe the, the, the fake sweat off my head and say, thank goodness I'm not a parent. But there was, I was in Binney's. This guy's got his two kids and they're two little, very small children. And one of them is throwing the biggest tantrum in the world because he can't

sit in the other seat because there's two kids. So one of them can't sit in the other seat because there's two kids. So one of them wants to sit in the other seat and he's throwing the biggest tantrum in the world. And his dad is very calmly trying to tell him,

you got to calm down. That's where you said you wanted to sit. And I've got to, you've got to make a decision and you made the decision to sit there. And the kid's like,

I want to sit in the back. He's screaming. And it was really funny. And so I'm trying to look at bourbons, but I can't because this fucking guy is hogging the whole goddamn aisle

with him and his brood screaming at each other. I can't fucking walk past him. But at one point, I see the dad yelp and double over and he stands up and he says,

you just kicked me in the penis. And he made the kid apologize for kicking him in the penis. You say you're sorry to the penis. And he made the kid apologize for kicking him in the penis. You say you're sorry to my penis. The kid's like, I'm sorry I kicked your penis. And he said, you just hit me right in the penis. And he's yelling. It's the funniest shit

I've ever seen. It's like, where am I? What is happening in the world right now? I thought you were at a liquor store. Oh, God, it's so strange. Who has that conversation? Who has a loud, yelly fight with their kid about who kicked who in the penis in the bourbon aisle? What the fuck?

That is more of a tequila conversation. It really is. Like, I understand having that conversation around the box wine. That makes sense. That is a understand having that conversation around the box wine. That makes sense. That is a light beer called conversation, right? That's like over by the Keystone. You know what would be great? Is if the kinds of fights that people had happened in the right section of the liquor store.

Like over by the Natty Light. It's just like somebody beating his wife. He's just standing there with his sister wife. She's pregnant. Yeah. Half shirt on. Whoever

is keeping me from getting into the kingdom of heaven. Could I go into a courtroom and say, viewing what you put on that screen put me in danger of hellfire? Turn it off, you fucking idiot! Jesus, the moment you see a titty, turn it off.

The moment you see whatever, turn it off. It's not like you were stuck. It's not like there was a fucking ray that came out of a tractor beam that held you in position to watch it turn the shit off the moment you see shakira shake one hip all it takes is one hip shake you're not even lying right now i love too that like his god is mad at him for watching something he didn't intend to watch yeah like you're fucked anyway man how the fuck are you

gonna get through an entire lifetime not accidentally seeing something? Yeah, you've got to have glasses that reflect, that show you the world with a seven-second delay. Right.

That automatically go dark the moment you would see anything that you would input would be offensive. Right. So the world has to be on a seven- second delay for you. So there's a sensor moment in there where you can stop it.

That's the kind of world you have to watch. If you want to, if you want to be one of the 144 Jehovah witnesses that make it to fucking, the fucking place in the sky, you get all the way to heaven. And God's like, well, you accidentally saw a titty.

So here's what I did. I made 7 billion titties. guy. You get all the way to heaven and God's like, well, you accidentally saw a titty, so burn it hell. Here's what I did. I made seven billion titties. That's on you. I made seven billion titties, populated, I sprunkled them all over the whole

world. Sprunkled them. I done sprunkled them. over the whole world. Sprunkled them. I done sprunkled them. And guess what? You, you saw a titty. That's all you, boy. I didn't mean to see the titty. That's all you, boy. I didn't mean to see the titty.

Yeah, no. You might have even seen a ball sack, too. I did, I did. I did see the ball sack. I made 3.5 billion ball sacks. Nobody likes ball sacks. They shouldn't even count. It has 7 billion balls, but there's only 3.5 billion ball sacks. Nobody likes ball sacks. They shouldn't even count. It has 7 billion balls,

but there's only 3.5 billion ball sacks. I did the math like I did the serpent heads and the crowns. It's not one to one now. It's not a one to one ratio. I don't do that. I don't count all that good. I'm not going to lie. Production line ain't so hot.

There's three and a half billion snatches out there. You might have seen a pubic region. You fuck, boy. Could the court say, Roger, could the court say that doesn't apply here? That doesn't apply here? Because- Yes. Yes.

Yeah. Unless you got God to come down and say like, your damages are hell. They get God's account and comes down. Yeah, no, that Super Bowl show put, let me see, there was 15 million people in hell. Yeah. I mean, they won't experience it now.

They'll experience it in the future, but that definitely put them in hell. And some insurance adjusters like, okay, and our table says that one trip to hell is worth 11,000. All right. It's a little more than an eye, a little less than a toe. Pornography, the right to porn overrides your right to watch it. Yeah, but you didn't tell me I was going to watch it. You just brought it into my living room. You didn't tell me. And I couldn't turn it off

like all the other porn in my house. It's just there. And I'm just and I can't stop. Martha, come over here and jerk me off. I'm watching porn. If I do it myself, it's gay. You don't want your husband to be gay, do you?

Jerk me off. Of course I'm going to keep watching the porn. I can't stop. It's on, isn't it? It has to stay on what an asshole Jesus Christ yeah you're a fool

oh my god such an idiot you didn't tell me there were going to be crop shots you said well you should know better you should know better because it's J crotch shots you said well you should know better you should know better because it's J-Lo and whoever that was you should know

she's some other Mexican or whatever and whoever that was whoever that Mexican was crotch between her legs what was she Mexican

Moroccan a Mex-Roccan what was she all I know is she's pink inside. Martha, I need you to jerk me off again. I'm thinking about Shakira. He's spent his whole life getting awkward hand shots.

He's just standing next to her while she's cooking and she's jerking him off. Oh, God. The Dave Taubenmeier channel is just a bored and ignored hand job

all day. It's like the first Breaking Bad episode, actually. Remember that? Is there a bored hand job in that one? I don't remember.

Yeah, I think the show starts off like he's in bed and his wife is jerking him off while reading her book. Jesus Christ, for one? I don't remember. Yeah. I think the show starts off and he's in bed and his wife is jerking him off while reading her book. Jesus Christ. She's like, you relax. This is just for you or something.

Oh. He's just like looking around like what the fuck is wrong with my life? I quit. Yeah. At that point, uninstall because you need to reinstall everything.

At that point, like cancer, you're just like, yeah, I'm good. Yeah. I'll ride this. I'm riding this one out.

He's an expert in croc shots. You already know that, no? Hold on. Hold on, Tom. Did we miss something? We missed something. I love him so much. What did he say?

He's so worked up. Oh, he's so worked up. Let's hear what he says. Because of J-Lo and whoever that was, you should know. She's an expert in croc shots. You already know that. No, I protect my eyes. I didn't know that about her. So you knew it, but you knew it five seconds into the show.

You knew it. You knew it at least from the first crotch shot, right? She's an expert in crotch. Do you think she's running the camera? Do you think she's telling the cameraman, okay, zoom in on my. First of all, I guarantee nobody zoomed in on just her crotch i wouldn't mind it but i don't think they did like that would be a really weird thing to do for the camera guy like jumbotron vision just and then and then they just say joe you're fired

yeah we're not doing this again joe last year you zoomed in on that's the third time last year you zoomed in on uh maroon fives, pelvic bones. And we're not going to have this again this year. I'm sitting there and I'm watching it. That's why don't we sue? Is it not discriminatory for me to say, I love watching the NFL.

I want to watch the Superbowl, but I don't want to watch that. If they bring that into my house, is that not discriminatory? No, what are you talking about? Do you not understand what discriminatory even means? Yeah. Who is discriminating against you and on what basis? Here's the first thing you should do. Watch the Kitten Bowl halftime show on the Puppy Bowl because they do a Kitten Bowl halftime show. You can watch pussy and not feel weird about it. He would still get

jerked me off anyway, Martha. Get in here. I don't care what pussy's on the screen. You sign the contract. There's like 14 pussies naked on the screen. And they're all young like 14 pussies naked on the street. And they're all

young, tight pussies. Look at the hairless pussy in the car. That's the modern pussy. It's all oiled up. Shooting around out there.

Get in there. What is that, Cat Brazilian? So we want to thank our patrons. Of course, we want to thank all our patrons,

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we don't have a show. So thank you guys. Yeah. All of you who've become patrons over the years. We got a message from Dorothy, and Dorothy said that she just wanted to let us know that Trump may not decide to play on the debate stage. There's a possibility that Trump could just say,

sorry, I don't want to do this. I'm not interested, and bow out. And he has every right not to do it. The debates are already scheduled. Yeah. Well, they're already scheduled, so they might just not to do it. The debates are already scheduled. They're already scheduled, so they might just not occur. Yeah, and he has said,

if he thinks the debates are not going to be fairly moderated, he just might not show up. He's already hinted at that. Yeah, and I think the hinting at it shows, in my opinion, that he's not up for it. He's not going to make it.

The thing is, I don't think he has anything really to gain from the debates. I think his He's not going to make it. He has not. You know, the thing is like, I don't think he has anything to really to gain from the debates. Yeah. I think like his base is not going to walk away from a bad, if he has a bad performance, his base is not going to change.

They don't care. Yeah. Right. And he's unlikely to have a killer performance. So the debate's probably not where he's going to win over those fence sitting independent votes. Those are the only people that matter.

Sure. Can you motivate the base? Not from a debate. Yeah. It's not a bunch of fucking intellectuals sitting around watching fucking Donald Trump and thinking to themselves, I don't know if he's my guy or not.

You know, what the problem is is that we are running high on an economy right now that might not peter out before his, he gets, before election season. Right. If I were to take and you were to say to me,

Cecil, I need you to look like a millionaire. I can make myself look like a millionaire. I can go out of my way and get credit and do a bunch of stuff. I know I'm not a millionaire, right? But if I had to make myself look like a millionaire,

I could do it. And if you told me I had to do it for a specific period of time, I might be able to sustain it for a while. But at a certain point, it all collapses. I'm not going to be able to sustain it anymore. And right now, what we have is,

we are in a McMansion with a really fancy car and everybody feels like the economy is doing well. But on the horizon is some very, very dire things. And people don't understand it. And it will be a rude awakening, I think, because it will not last another four years if Trump is in there. There's no way he's not going to go four years

without a recession. And a severe recession slash depression, it's not going to last. And in fact, if they do put a Democrat in there, they're going to blame the Democrat right away if it goes into a recession. There was a time where we almost went into recession and we again did the same thing,

which was dump a bunch of money and try to pay a bunch of things off and made sure things that were too big to fail didn't. And we did it before. Right. We might have to do it again. Yeah.

There's a lot of markers for next year that are really on the cusp, really on the cusp. really on the cusp. And I think your analogy is really good. Like we're living way beyond our means right now and there's not a lot of wiggle room. Like there's a big difference between your earning power and your spending power.

And like we're in a place where we're living on our spending power and it's not sustainable. Yeah. We got a message from Colin and Colin just wanted to let us know that he's been listening to us for years and he finally became a patron.

So we wanted to thank Colin again for becoming a patron. And he says, I wish you could give us more money, but Thomas and Andrew are whiny bitches too. Thomas and Andrew don't need your money. Okay. Thomas is rich and lives in California

in a beautiful house. He's very rich. And Andrew's a lawyer. He clearly doesn't need your money. He's a Harvard educated attorney. He's like an. And Andrew's a lawyer. He clearly doesn't need your money. He's a Harvard educated. He's like an educated attorney. You don't need to. Yeah. So, so I would say lower your patronage over there, up your patronage here. He's a Harvard educated attorney. I've got a degree in English literature. Look, I have a philosophy degree. I need your money. That's all I'm saying.

We wanted to send a message out to John who said that he started listening a long time ago and he was at a really low time in his life and Cog Distance Citation really helped him in more ways than he expected. Thank you so much for listening, John, and any help that we had. We're just having fun on our own and we hope that it helped you. That's great that you listened. Thank you. Welcome, John. So we got a message from Jane and Jane says that, just a quick question, is there a way of making the skeptic creed at the end of the show my ringtone?

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The water's fine. And we'd love to do it. Just check our Patreon page out and you can see what level that perk is. Glad you liked Skeptic's Creed. Thank you. We streamed this week. I mentioned it earlier. We had a lot of fun.

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That's going to wrap it up for this week. We're going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed. acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info docutainment. Leo, Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides.

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