Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 513: Coronavirus Fun Run

Episode Date: March 2, 2020

Stories from the Week    

Today's show is brought to you by AdamandEve.com. Go to AdamandEve.com right now and you'll get 50% off just about any item. All you have to do is enter the code word GLORY, G-L-O-R-Y, at checkout. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording live from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political. And there is

no welcome at. This is episode 513 of Cognitive Dissonance. We are recording actually from fucking Candyland Studios these days. I know. Jesus Christ. See, so there is a mountain of candy. I feel like we could impeach anyone we want with this amount. I know, right?

We'd never have to leave. Jay from Canada last week sent us a giant box of stuff to eat on the live streams. So we're going to be trying candy for months on the live streams.

Canadian candy to be exact. And we want to thank Jay for doing that. And you should check our live streams which are at 9 p.m. Central on all your favorite

viewing devices. But yeah, this is a lot of candy. I got to say some of this stuff we have here, but man, there's some really weird stuff here. Super weird. Chipnuts.

That's something I don't know. What the fuck is a chipnut? I don't know what a chipnut is. Definitely got some weird shit in here. So come check us out on our live stream. It's going to be great. So we don't have coronavirus yet, Cecil. So that's good news.

We haven't been quarantined yet. I'm excited. I'm excited to still be able to travel freely around um speaking of traveling freely mike hughes freely traveled up for a short period of time and then traveled down for an even shorter period of time as he tumbled to the earth might mike h, you might remember, was the nutty motherfucking flat earther who was fond of building steam-powered rocket ships. And my favorite thing is, like, I think the last time he was going to do this and ended up not doing it, he wanted to build, his goal was to build a steam-powered rocket to launch himself about 1,000 feet into the air so that he could prove that the earth was flat. Now you can go 30,000 feet in the air in an airplane and look out the window and you don't have to. Can you see the curve in an airplane? I don't think so. Yeah. But like, what are you going to prove at a thousand feet that you can't prove? Like you get in a hot air balloon,

you could get in a small airplane, a helicopter. You can't, you can't prove. Like you can get in a hot air balloon. You can get in a small airplane. You're right. A helicopter. So you can't see the curve from farther up. So why bother doing it from shorter down? You might as well just stand on your tiptoes. Right. It's the same thing.

It's exactly right. It's like when you stood on a chair in the kitchen, you know, and was like, well, I don't see a curve. It's like, well, nobody said you were going to see a curve. Yeah.

From there. Yeah. From there, like, perspective, motherfucker. So he went up. Have you ever played Model Rockets? Have you ever shot Model Rockets? Like once or twice? I've done it twice. Uh-huh.

And I remember being incredibly excited. I was like, ah, whatever. And then the fucking rocket went up. And like, it's one of those moments where you're just like, oh, that was way cooler than I thought it was gonna be just like what do they run on like are they are they like like a like a firework or something they have a rocket engine so you buy

you buy a little a little um chemical engine and it it's oh i see oh okay so it's it's it's a does it shoot flames and yeah oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah. Yeah, they're like... And they go stupid high. That sounds fun. And you get multi-stage rockets. Oh, shit. So the one goes, and then the other one goes

after that one's spent and so on and so forth. Like no refractory period, just boom, boom. So there's one opener rocket, and then the... So the better band is at the top, and the other opener rockets

are at the bottom. There's the fluffer rocket. Fluffer rocket. You know? Fluffer rocket. You know. Fluffer rocket. And then there's the finishing rocket. Finishing rocket. I get it.

Yeah. But like, just like that scenario, you have to wrap it up if you want to stay safe. So they come down with a parachute. Oh, okay. Yeah.

And that was Mad Mike Hughes' plan too. So they don't murderate somebody on the ground. Some little kid who's looking up in the air and he gets- Gets stabbed in the eye face. Stabbed in the eye like a fucking like the moon from a 1901

Right. Just boom. Black and white. Yeah. Oh, that Smashing Pumpkins video uses that same footage, right? Oh, does it? Yeah.

Like a trip to the moon. But it's also to recover the rockets. You can reuse them. You can use them again. It makes sense. And this guy wanted to be used again. And he is He wanted to not be broken.

Not recyclable at this point. No, no, no. Uh, he went up. Did you see the video? I did not.

So he goes up and the parachute as it's going up, comes out of the rocket and kind of get falls and gets tangled. And then the rocket does what rockets do, which is it continues to go up until it runs out of up and then begins the down portion of the program. The down portion. So,

and it just like, there's just these dudes like standing in the field, like that goes. And the only thing flat is mad. Mike Hughes. Yeah. He's definitely, I,

I, I, I'm sorry. I feel bad for this guy. I mean, it clearly there is part of it. I think that he was doing for part of me thinks he's doing this for, for hearts and likes. You know what I mean? Like it's one of those

things where it feels like this is publicity because you don't need to do this. There's no reason to do this. But he is being sort of egged on because in a lot of ways he's being followed around by camera crews. You know? I mean he's being followed around by camera crews in two different times. There was one camera crew that did a

documentary on him before, and now the Science Channel was there to film this part. Right. Yeah. I read an article that the, this is from the Rolling Stone, Flat Earth Conspiracy Theories. So the Flat Earth guys, they are not dissuaded. No, no.

Whatsoever. Yeah. One of them even says, one of them says, the root of his objection, this is a guy they're talking to, uh, had less to do with safety and more to do with community members questioning the purity of his motives, the seriousness of his project quote, he never contributed anything evidential as far as I'm aware and quote, who the fuck has contributed anything evidential to fucking flat earth. I mean, the opposite side has fucking buckets of all the evidence, literally all the evidence. The other side has nothing. I, you know, the whole time I keep thinking, you can't be serious. You can't seriously think that

this is a true thing, that this is a flat, like we're on a fucking dish or something. I don't even know how your fucking brain works, but I can't imagine that you think that we're, we're on a flat earth. But then the more and more and more of these people come out, and I realize they're not trolls. They're just stupid and gullible. Part of me does wonder if, like, it started as a lark and then just kind of grew out of control.

That it was like, ah, let's, you know, it's like, do you remember, like, when we were in college, and I used to be like, there's no such thing as Eskimos, you know, like people who live in the snow and drive dogs to work. That's ridiculous. Like, and I would just like make a thing about how I didn't believe in Eskimos because it was funny. But the whole time I believed in fucking Eskimos. Sure. You know, I was just being goofy for the sake of being goofy.

being goofy. And I have to think like, did the flat earth thing just start off as like, ah, you know what? We're just going to do a little fun, silly, counter-cultural, almost like what if kind of a game, you know, I'm not, I'm going to pick the easiest thing to believe in. And I'm going to not believe in it. And I'm going to play with it and just screw it. And I wonder if that's not just like gained this crazy momentum where now people are so goddamn gullible and people are so goddamn stupid. And then like it accelerates. I wonder too if it has something to do with, because you know when the anti-vaxxers, the anti-vaxxers, part of the reason they don't believe is there's a distrust of the government. There's a distrust of authority. I wonder if this is another example of those distrusts of authority.

If this is that moment that people look at it and they say, you know, I just don't know that I want to believe you. It's the same reason why people don't believe the moon landing because the only people that went up there were official, right? There was never a random guy that just showed up on the moon and was like, cool, man, this is pretty baller. I'm going home. There's never a random guy that just showed up on the moon and was like, cool, man. This is pretty baller. I'm going home. There's never a random dude. It's never just – it's always somebody who's been trained and whatever and gone through. There's no amateur bootlending team. There's no amateur bootlending team. Not yet.

Junior varsity. Not yet. Yeah, that's taking off. Not yet. You know, I think SpaceX and I know that other corporations are starting to think about the way this is going to work, how they can get a human being in space, because I know that they just put fucking rockets up there so far, trying to get

humans up there now. Who knows? And especially, you're standing on the shoulders of giants, so there's a possibility you could move this pretty quickly to move a SpaceX program could probably pretty easily get somebody up into space at this point. When I say easily, I mean,

they can at least use what other people have done to try to, you know, build off of that. But the one thing that blew me away from this article was that the guys, one of the guys that was quoted also said he was in this for the fame and the girls. I guess if you wear a shirt that says free rocket rides, you do get a few takers on occasion.

Jews are like black people, but we were black people before there were black people. Although I guess that's not true. They were just in a different part of the world. Oh, black people coming to get me. Help. So the story comes from forward.com. Four babies got herpes from oral suction at their circumcision. So we cover comes from forward.com. Four babies got herpes from oral suction at their circumcisions. We cover these stories periodically.

Sure. Every year, every other year, give or take, something like this will pop up. Like a cold sore. Right, yeah. Like a cold sore will pop up. So oral suction, just to use a less kind term it means that rabbis suck baby dicks. Suck baby dicks, yeah. No, I think that's exactly it.

That's it. Yeah. So what they do is they cut a little piece of the baby's dick off and then they suck the baby's dick to stop the bleeding. Yeah. And that's fucking weird.

That's a weird, weird thing to tell somebody you're going to do. It's already weird. Right. It's already weird, but now it's dangerous too. More dangerous, I guess. Yeah, right. So it turns out that like sometimes people have face herpes.

Yes. And when you have face herpes, you can transmit that to babies and babies don't end up getting a cold sore from it. No. Babies sometimes end up fucking dying or going blind. Or getting brain damage. Right. Right. Yeah.

Just terrible fucking shit happens when you introduce a virus like herpes into a baby. Right. If only there was some way to avoid sucking baby dicks, Cecil. The thing is, think about this in another way. And I know because circumcision is this weird thing. It's a weird ritual that some people do. It's also popular just for people who aren't even religious. There's people who get circumcisions, right?

So take circumcision out of it. There's a chance the kid can be brain damaged, right? There's a possibility. Imagine if the part of the ritual was shaking this fucking kid like a maraca. Right. What would happen? How would we react to that, right? We know it does harm.

We know it's a bad thing, right? We know that it's going to hurt the kid. These fucking billboards, never, ever, ever shake a baby. I mean, they're all over the fucking place. You can't read a parenting book without being fucking like opaque and underneath the text on every single page, don't shake your baby. You can't hardly shake a baby anymore

without running into one of these ones. Sure, exactly. Or you can't shake a baby without somebody telling you about it. Yeah, right. Coming in, sir, you're not supposed to do that anymore. We don't allow you to do that.

You can't smoke inside and you can't shake babies. What is the world coming to? I thought I was in charge of me. But these fucking, if you think about it, what if they had something like that? What if they did

something like that? Cutting off a part of a kid's penis and having somebody who could potentially have a cold sore virus in them that can fuck your kid up with brain damage

is equally abusive as shaking a child. I don't see the difference. Why? We would immediately shut this practice down if it was the latter, but we somehow

turn a blind eye if it's the former because these weird insular groups just say, we're just going to do it and nobody says anything about it. Yeah, it's like

to take even a different tack on it, if it's like, if somebody out there was like, well, I'm going to put this baby's dick in my mouth because I like baby dicks in my mouth. It's another whole world. The whole world would be like, that person is a monster. Absolutely. But if somebody is like, I'm going

to put a baby dick in my mouth, but I'm not going to like, I won't like it. I want to enjoy it. I'd still be like, don't put a baby dick in your mouth. Like, can't we just have like a really simple rule called don't put baby dicks in your mouth? Like, can't we just have like a really simple rule called don't put baby dicks in your mouth? Like, isn't that a rule we just inherently understand as a good rule to have? Like, when is there an answer to this question? Well, when should I put a baby dick in my mouth? What, never.

There's never. Well, what if? No, there's no well, what if. There's no extenuating circumstance. Like, well, what if he was bitten by a snake on his if? No, there's no well, what if? There's no extenuating circumstance like, what if he was bitten by a snake on his penis? No! Just never put a baby dick in your mouth and the babies don't get herpes from your

fucking mouth. That poor baby went through a lot. Got a circumcision, then got bit by a rattlesnake in the dick. That poor baby. Let me tell you, that's a rough week for that baby. So next time you find yourself frustrated about the decline in vaccinations in America, remember that it's only because of the dramatic success of vaccines that we could even think

of having this debate. Only by understanding and accepting these psychological pitfalls that we're all so susceptible to, will we be able to solve this problem. And that is what science is all about. This story comes from ArsTechnica.com. Anti-vaxxers wage war in Connecticut. Lawmaker calls vaccines witch's brew. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, this is actually a really good story. It's one of the few good stories we have. In Connecticut, they're going to try to ban the religious vaccine exemptions. They will grandfather in the ones that already have it. So the ones that already have it, you just have it, but they're not going to allow new ones. Yeah. Passed by a slim margin. Right. Passed by a slim margin, but it passed. Yeah. And it's like fucking good. Yeah. Like, you know, the thing is like, there is no public health reason why we need to accept this bullshit.

And I have to wonder if, like, as we're staring down the barrel of a global pandemic like coronavirus, if we won't have a moment where we say, you know, maybe we do need some fucking vaccines. Yeah. You know, maybe those scientists with their fucking vaccine talk and their immunology degrees, maybe they're fucking onto something. But I, you know, that won't happen for a little while. If that happens at all, if we come to our fucking collective senses because we face some kind of significant threat, existential or otherwise, like maybe that'll happen for us. You know, it, people were lining up to get the goddamn polio vaccine when people were getting fucking polio. Absolutely, yeah.

So I have to wonder how that's going to play out. But the idea that you could have a religious exemption, there's nothing in the Bible about vaccines. There's nothing in any religious text about vaccines.

We invented that shit. They had no idea what caused disease. Look at what the Bible has written. They thought that you got diseases because an ox walked over your grave. we invented that shit like they had no idea what caused disease look at them when the bible was written they thought that you got diseases because like an ox walked over your grave or something

yeah exactly you know yeah well they had no idea that you were going to inject something into your body they had no clue

we didn't know that diseases came from 2000 years ago we didn't know that diseases came from germs we didn't know what germs were we hadn't even invented the humors at this point

we weren't even a spontaneous generation yet right yeah we had like I didn't know what germs were. We hadn't even invented the humors at this point. We weren't even a spontaneous generation yet. Right. Yeah. I don't know that if you stop and think about how fucking primitive people were 2,000 years ago. Fucking garbage primitive. Our understanding of the world

was at fucking zero. We were at fucking Kelvin in our understanding of the world. You know? Yeah. We didn't. Like we were at fucking Kelvin in our understanding of the world. You know? Yeah. Like we didn't know, we didn't know that we were on a globe with the different continents.

We didn't know anything about anything about anything 2,000 years ago. And there is no religious prescription yet. Where does this exemption come from? Yeah. Like you're just gonna say, well, my religion bans it. Shouldn't you have to say like,

okay, well point to me in your magic book at the very least, and I think it's a bullshit argument, but at the very least, show me one thing about fucking vaccines. Show me the passage. And it can't be a modern thing, right? Because if it's modern, well, then, now you're just making up rules as you go along, because it certainly wasn't

handed down from on high. It's you. If it's a modern text, it's you. I, this is one of those moments, and this happens a lot. I get a chance to see someone injured by this. And on my Facebook feed this week, I don't remember where I saw it, but a woman had a one-year-old baby, little baby, too young to get the vaccine,

maybe even six-month-old baby, just barely able to stand up, still in total diapers sort of thing. I don't know fucking how babies gestate and age and all that weird shit. That's all for fucking parents. But in any case, the baby was standing by the bathtub, covered

in measles, absolutely covered in measles, and got it at the daycare because someone's kid had measles and there was transmitted. That wasn't a problem 15, 20 years ago. That wasn't an issue. You never had to worry about it. Your baby was going to get the MMR and all the other people around the baby were going to have that vaccine already. And the people who couldn't get it, people who were allergic to eggs, people who were allergic to the vaccine or people who clearly were immunodeficient

or other things and that couldn't get it, they were going to be fine because they were under that margin of error for herd immunity. So everything was fine. You're going to be fine. Nowadays, that kid's going through absolute shitty, a full shitty time

as a young child and could seriously be damaged by it. The kid's back looked unbelievable. Certainly looked like it was going to scar. I mean, why would you put somebody else's, it's not just about you. It's not about you. I know that they want to think it's all, I want to protect my kid. I want to protect my kid. It's like, you've got to also realize that you're trying to protect other kids too. There's also a huge, we've been talking about this because of the election coming up, but like there's a huge economic cost to that. You got a kid who's homesick from school. How many people don't have paid sick time? Yeah. Like a lot of people don't have, we talk about like who doesn't

have insurance. Like a lot of people don't have insurance and a lot of people have insurance, but they still have high deductibles and high co-pays. So, okay, there's this kid that's sick. And then there's a lot of people that don't have any paid sick time or have a little bit, but the kid's sick for two, three weeks and they lose an income. So now you've got bills you didn't have before and you have less money coming in than you had before. Like there's a huge, and that's a social cost, right? Because that's money that that person does not have to go out into the economy and fucking spend. That's money they didn't earn. That's money they can't spend.

Like, there's a drain on the guy. Even if you want to be a selfish prick, even if you want to be just a fucking selfish person, there is an economic cost to these diseases. And it's huge. Yeah. It's a huge cost. That's lost productivity at the workplace. Somebody doesn't go to work, they pay a price, right? So if I don't go to work for a certain period of time, I don't get paid anymore. I pay a price. But if I don't go to work, I don't

produce whatever it is I produce. So my employer doesn't get the benefit of my production of labor. So these are the kind of costs we don't consider. So there's a human cost. There's an economic cost. We don't have to have it. Yeah. We don't have to have it. Measles was effectively eradicated from the United States.

And we don't have to have it because we literally have solved it. We figured it out. But most people are just like, nah, I'm good. No, you're not good. A 50 year old man who had a potato stuck up his ass had to go to the hospital and have it surgically removed. His story was that he was hanging his curtains naked and he lost his balance

and fell back on his kitchen table right on top of a potato. If this was just a freak accident, maybe we should be more careful when we're hanging up our curtains and, you know, maybe put some clothes on before you're going to stand in front of a window. All right. So this one is from Twitter. I want to say, I didn't really vet this. I just thought it was crazy and funny. Right, so I don't know either. We're having to trust somebody's I don't know, translation of what is

inside of this thing. So this is written in a language I do not speak, but it says, Ayatollah Tabrizian, a prominent clergyman and a self-proclaimed expert in Islamic medicine, has published the following list. So get out your pens and paper, guys. Okay, following list. On how to avoid coronavirus.

Okay. All right, Cecil. Here we go. First one, comb your hair thoroughly. You know what? Let's talk about this one first. No more lazy half-assed hair combing unless you want to get a goddamn virus.

What? Okay. What on earth could combing your hair do? I got to ask though, because if you comb it, are you saying it's in there and you got to knock it out of there? Because if you knock it out of there,

are you knocking it on yourself? Or is it just, I mean, how does combing it help do something? What could it possibly help do? It's got to be magic, right? It's got to be, it's got to be God looks down on you and sees you have unkempt hair and gives you the coronavirus. Because just if you were just talking about it, just in general, just germ theory, what could it possibly do? Well, I do think you're discounting the well-known fact that germs don't like to infect attractive people.

Attract nice-looking people. So if you're good-looking— If you're dapper as fuck. Right. Yeah. I mean, that's pretty obvious. Yeah, you're not going to be sick. And here's why it's obvious,

because you never see attractive people and think— you never see sick people and think, that's hot. Oh, that's attractive? Right. You're right. Absolutely right. Well, I mean, they might be hot if you put your hand on the back of your hand on their head. Oh, that's attractive. You're right. Absolutely. Well, I mean, they might be hot

if you put your hand on the back of your hand. Okay, that's true. They might be hot. So if sick people aren't hot, then it stands to reason that hot people can't get sick. Yeah, no,

I think I figured it out. I think I've got it. Comb your hair thoroughly. Thoroughly is important. Thoroughly. Don't half-ass that shit. No, you've got to, what is it?

45 strokes of the brush or however many it is. You've got to count. So absolutely. No, you've got to, you've got to, what is it? A 45 strokes to the brush or however many it is. You've got to count. So absolutely. I'm a Dapper Dan man. Eat lots of apples and onions. Do you have to eat them together like an apple and onion salad?

Because that doesn't sound great. That sounds horrible. It doesn't sound great. Horrible. Doesn't sound great. I get the apple because if you eat at least one every day, you will keep the doctor away.

I mean, that's just. It might be bad if you have the coronavirus. I would maybe want will keep the doctor away. I mean, that's just- Might be bad if you have the coronavirus. I would maybe want to see the doctor. That's true. Who wants to keep the doctor away at that point? You know, the other thing you could do is just have substandard medical insurance. That'll keep the doctor away.

Absolutely, for sure. Or just be American. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, six to one half dozen of the other. No, yeah. Be afraid to pay the payment that you have to pay to go see the doctor. Just, yeah.

Be poor enough where you think, you know, this is probably a bad idea for me to go. I'm going to miss a car payment. I won't go. Keep the doctor away that way. And the onions. Onions, I don't. Well, that's just for flavor. That's that, you know.

Does it matter? I wonder, can you like cook them down? Can you like get some nice. Does it matter which onion it is? Can it be a red onion? Oh, that's good. Can it be a shallot? Can you get those like. Can it be a green onion it is? Can it be a red onion? Oh, that's a good question. Can it be a shallot? Can you get those like-

Can it be a green onion? Walla Walla ones that are kind of sweet, you know? Yeah, the Vidalia's. Yeah, there you go. There's a lot of unanswered questions on the onion situation.

Yeah, and I don't know which apple either. And we talked about apples before. Who knows what apple it is? Well, it's not the Red Delicious. I'll tell you what. That will keep the doctor away if you throw it at him

as hard as you can. A Red Delicious apple, if you eat that on purpose if you throw it at him as hard as you can. A red delicious apple, if you eat that on purpose, you deserve to get sick. You deserve the coronavirus. You deserve the coronavirus. Finally, Tom, this is my favorite actually. And this is just good general advice.

This is just generally, yeah. Dip a cotton ball in oil and insert it in your anus. I think that's good advice generally. And if you'd like to shove a ball into your anus, and you need some oil, all you have to do is go to adamandeve.com, that's good advice generally. And if you'd like to shove a ball into your anus, and you need some oil, all you have to do is go to adamandeve.com type in Gloria Checkout. You'll get a

bunch of free gifts. You'll wind up getting 50% off almost any item. Free shipping. All you have to do is type in Gloria Checkout and you can shove whatever balls you want. Get the kind of grease you need to shove whatever balls you want into your ass. Have a party. Don't get coronavirus 50% off.

Stay off the coronavirus at adamandeve.com. This advice is not medical advice. I love that you're dipping a ball in oil and sticking it in your ass. Dipping a ball. Wait, if you are fingering your balls in your ass with oil, I think maybe this guy might have something to say to you other than that. I don't know. I think this guy's just like, send me some video of your coronavirus. Because really what he's saying here, right, is get yourself all pretty. Comb your hair.

Comb your hair. Right? Make sure you're well fed. Have a little snack. Keep fed. And then we're going to stick some shit in your ass. And then we're going downtown. Right.

This is just him prepping you for anal. That's all this is. This is like, seriously, get dressed, have some roughage, and oil up your ass. The thing is though, when you go in and you're just like,

is there a cotton ball in there? Right. What is happening, guys? Did you put a pillow in there for my penis? What is going on? Okay. What is happening? Did you, did you put a pillow in there for my penis? What is going on? Okay. You're not getting that back.

Yeah. That's in there. I'm just saying. Yeah. This isn't a grabber. This is a shover. So I can't grab anything with, it's not prehensile.

I like an elephant. Two and a half inches up your ass. Like that's it. It's, it's all two and a half inches pounded in. There's no way you're getting it out. Not without one of those things that they, those grabbers that you use to pick screws up off the shop floor.

Yeah. You got to reach in there with like a longshoreman's finger to get that thing. Like you got to really, really get a reach. You got to pay ET and fucking Reese's Pieces to get over there and reach himself in there. He's reaching in there and your stomach's glowing. He's like, all right, we're just going to have to get it from the other side. We're just coming in from the other side. No, no.

Where do I- That guy's just fucking your face. Now I'm not sure. Where do I go in? The belly button? Where do I go in? I don't know. Other side.

What are we talking about? God. This is good advice. This is- I am excited. I will say this, Cecil. I'm genuinely nervous at this point about the coronavirus more so than I was two, three weeks ago.

I have some trepidation about this in a lot of different ways, but I am looking forward to all the crazies coming out and being like, coronavirus is because a dog ate a banana and Jesus didn't like it. The only solution is to put a pot

of plant on your head and sing the ABCs in the ocean. Like, people just come up with the craziest shit. It's the best. I am looking forward to it, too, because I'm going to try to break the world record of cotton balls in my ass. I'm going to be like a chipmunk. Both my cheeks will be puffed out because there's so many

fucking cotton balls in there. I'll look like fucking marlon brando from the godfather two big puffed out cheeks i'll give you a cotton ball you can't refuse a vasectomy is a medical procedure one that makes you half a man. Remember when you twisted up your garden hose? Well, essentially, that is the plan. That is the plan. All right. This story is just great. This is from The Independent. Ted Cruz unwittingly makes himself pro-choice with outrage over vasectomy bill. So every now and again, Democrats in states that have horrific

anti-choice legislation, they will introduce anti, they will introduce legislation that seeks to regulate the male body as a demonstration to show how ridiculous it is to try to regulate women's bodies. It's a Baphomet statue. It's a Baphomet statue. It's a fucking, it's the Satanist book that they send to the kids when they hand out Jesus fucking Bibles. It's the same thing. And equally amazing is that every once in a while

when this happens, one of these fucking numbskulls is just swimming around like, mm, bait. Um, um, um, um, um. Just like, and what better person, fish-looking motherfucker,

than Ted Cruz to chomp on that shit? This is outstanding. So, a bill was introduced in Alabama. Alabama has, I think, the nation's most egregious anti-choice legislation that's gone through. It'll make its way up to the Supreme Court.

That's the whole idea of it. Yeah, the only abortion you can get there is if your boyfriend beats you. That's the only way. They allow that. Okay, but to be fair, that's 100% of the relationships in Alabama. Right. So, yeah, it's okay. You know, you're more covered than you think if you're in Alabama, it's okay. You know, you're more covered

than you think if you're in Alabama. That's all I'm saying is you're more covered than you think. Just date someone with that white shirt with the arms off. You just got to date one of those. I guess that is the standard uniform in Alabama. That's an Alabama suit.

Are you kidding me? Like that, like the fucking sleeveless white t-shirt and a fucking bent up Bud light with a Marlboro red. That's a three piece suit. Now I am fucking dapper as fuck today. All right.

So, um, there's a new bill that came out. Democratic representative Rolanda Hollis, uh, proposed it. And Senator Cruz said in a tweet, yikes,

a government big enough to give you everything is big enough to take everything. Literally, Alabama Democrat proposes bill mandating all men have vasectomy at age 50 or after third child. It's so amazing. It's the best bill ever. It's so good.

There should be a bill mandating that you be a little more fucking self-aware, Ted. Oh, it's so good. It's so good. This is exactly what everybody was hoping for. Right. And Ted Cruz is the perfect person because he's never interacted with any humans before.

So he doesn't realize what satire is. Oh, you're right. You know what? I didn't actually read that right. Let me try to read it right. Yeah. Yay. A government big enough to give you everything

is big enough to take everything. Literally. Alabama Democrat proposes bill mandating all men have a sex me at age 50 or after third child. Yeah, I think that's more accurate. Yeah, sorry. I had mispronounced some of that. Right, yeah, I get it.

I wanted to get the inflection. Absolutely. Yeah, Ted is the perfect bait for this. You're absolutely right. He's just stupid enough to get the inflection. Absolutely. Right. Yeah, Ted is the perfect, he's the perfect bait for this. You're absolutely right. He's just stupid enough to think it's real. Yeah. He's just stupid enough.

God, wouldn't he have been a better president though? I mean, come on. He'd have been a better president. Ted Cruz. Ted Cruz would have been a better president.

For a human president would have been. He versus Trump. Versus Trump, he'd have been a much better president. I would be fucking ecstatic. Yeah. I wouldn't know that I was.

Here, I will say, like, do you remember, like, reading Foucault in college? And it was, like, mind-numbingly difficult. Right, right. But, like, fundamentally, like, a lot of his thoughts had this, like, in common that, like, you can't have health if you don't have sickness. It was that sort of, like, definition through dichotomy, right? So, like, I do wonder if Trump was necessary for the country in order for us to understand just how bad it could be. Yeah, just, yeah.

You know? Right. Because if we had Ted Cruz, we'd be bitching about it. Like, oh, my God, he's the worst president we've ever had. Yeah. He doesn't know how to tie his own shoes. Yeah. His skin is sloughing off again.

Like, he's leaving his trail of grease everywhere that he arrives. I think he left an eye on one of the podiums. I'm not sure. But he walked away with his face sagging, so I'm not quite sure. Reports from the White House are that he sleeps with his eyes open. Could you imagine? He goes up to the press secretary after she does a bad job, and he just swallows her whole.

He just unhinges his jaw and just swallows her whole. He lifts his head back and her legs kick for a second and they just slide right into him I've made her part of me I'll regurgitate her

when she's re-educated that's pretty much it could you imagine him just doing anything just doing anything presidential you can't but the thing is President Trump hasn't done anything presidential. You can't. But the thing is,

President Trump hasn't done anything presidential either. No, he would be more presidential. He would be more presidential even if his slime suit fell off in public. Yeah, even if he looked like the jellyfish that he actually is. Right, yeah. Just an amoeba, a life-sized,

a man-sized amoeba. If he had back surgery and then they were just like well we had to cancel it sir because somebody already took it out nobody knows where your spine is

we've been looking for hours I stuffed my hand all the way up to the elbow in there I can't find it anywhere we've been walking around using you as a puppet in the OR

for three hours. It's just... I passed three bills while you were under. Oh, Ted Cruz, look at me. Flippity flap gum face. The greater danger here is the stupid racism. There's no reason to be weird around Asian people. I guess, yeah, because statistically, they probably don't have the virus.

Exactly. Don't stereotype Asian people. Also, there's a good chance there are doctors so they can help you out if you are worried. I know you're worried, Tom, about the coronavirus. But you don't have to worry. You don't have to worry. Thank you for assuaging my fear. You don't have to worry.

You're not the only one because Hank Kunnerman. Kunnerman. Hank Kunnerman. Friendlyist blog over at Patheos. Christian pastor. Nope. Christian preacher. I don't know the difference between a preacher and a pastor. What is the difference between a preacher and a pastor? What is the difference between a... Well, ask the audience. Preacher and a pastor.

And minister. Yeah. Preacher, pastor, minister, reverend. Priest. I know priests are just Catholic though, right? I know, aren't they? I think so. I think that's just a Catholic thing. Like I know we had a preacher. What about a cleric?

Gotta be Muslim. Chaotic good. You gotta be Muslim. Or you gotta carry a mace. Those are your two options. Those are your options. You can wear banded mail. Or.

And you can carry a mace, but you cannot use a flail. But you can use whirling dervish. All right. Christian preacher, pastor, minister, reverend. God must stop coronavirus through supernatural inoculation. This is my favorite shit is just when they just scream shit. And then he's kind of half speaking in tongues in the back.

It's really just great shit. Father, right now, we speak over this situation with this coronavirus. Is he? He's just speaking in tongues, right? I'm not wrong. He's just running the background. Let's slow down. Yeah, he's like beatboxing over the person rapping.

It's amazing. Hold on. Let's listen to it one more time. Father, right now, we speak over this situation with this coronavirus. And Father, we thank you. First of all, we are not under the curse, but we are under heaven's blessing. And so Father, we right now, as the people of God, we speak the blessing, we declare the blessing. But even as the prophetic word is... She doesn't know what she's going to say, right? She's just making up. She goes along,

you think? She's not reading off the paper that's clearly in front to say, right? She's just making up. She goes along. You think? She's not reading off the paper that's clearly in front of her, right? No, no, no, no. I don't think that. They have the same page. Can you see it's formatted? Oh, yeah. Okay.

So they're both looking at the same. Sure. The same jibber jabber. Yeah. For sure. But no, they've got a pattern down for this. Yeah. I mean, like, I remember.

Did you ever have a job where you had a script? Like, even an informal script that you used over and over again? No, but I've never been in. I've never been in one-to-one with the customer. I've never had a job like that. So back when I used to close loans, the details of the loans were always a little different. You know, your name, your interest rate, your address, all that stuff was different. But fundamentally, the guts of every transaction are identical. So what you do is you develop a script and then all you're doing is scanning the page and inserting into your mental

script the specifics. So you'd sit down with somebody and you'd say, you know, this is the note, it's the contract to repay your loan. You can see that you're borrowing $150,000 at a rate of 3.825% with your first payment beginning such and such. You still have it. Whatever you do. And so all you're doing is scanning the page for details. Sure. And filling it into your mental script. And that way you can fucking like, you could do that while thinking about your groceries. Yeah. Like I would do it all the time. I'd be like thinking about other things in my day. I would be like writing poetry in my head or making like lists for other shit and going through a closing because it's so rote. Yeah. It's so mindless. These guys have a pattern.

They have a pattern where they just insert coronavirus instead of 3.81%. Right. Or juice. Do you get a lot of mortgages with juice in there? The juice take out a lot of mortgages with Jews in there? The Jews take out a lot of mortgages. What do you mean? They control all the banks. Money lenders. I get it. No, I get it.

I get it. It's declared and prophesied. We say to that virus that it. They could seriously replace coronavirus for hurricane in this entire script. And they would, right? You've heard, we've heard them do the same thing. It's like, oh, the storm is coming down and we declare dominion over you, storm.

And you can't hurt us. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I remember. Yeah, yeah. It was that lady who makes a bunch of spaghetti. Yeah. She does the same stuff. It's all the same.

It's like, insert worrisome issue here. I see. Okay. The hands of the Lord have come to clap against you and destroy you. And give you the clap. Can you make me clap with no hands? Jesus Christ. Oh, my God.

And we say that it shall be quarantined by the mercy of the living God. And by quarantine, we mean it's only in China and Italy and five other European countries and Iran and also California and South Korea, Japan. But other than that, it's super quarantined right now. Totally quarantined. And that one guy got it in California, but he was quarantined now. Yeah. And it's on cruise ships that aren't allowed to dock right now.

Because you mentioned being on a cruise ship right now. I'd be so pissed. Like, I want a voucher. That's all I'm saying. Well, all I'm saying is free meals the entire time. I'm cool with it. At the end, it's just peanut butter sandwiches. They need a helicopter to get me off that cruise ship, though. If I'm on there for like three or

four weeks, are you kidding me? And I'm in quarantine. It's just like room service? Oh, Jesus. Keep feeding me. There's a part of me Seymour. Yeah, right? There's a part of me like, sir, you can't leave vacation and be like,

I can't do what? I can't do what? Yeah. You can't go back to work and your kids, you guys are going to have to remain holed up in this hotel room floating on the ocean for a while.

Actually, it might suck depending on your room because if you get stuck in your room, it might just be a tiny little box. There's nothing to do. You just sit in your tiny little box all day because you probably can't go out into the ship. I would imagine they probably don't have shit to do.

If you're quarantined, they're probably not, let's get upstairs and do jazzercise together. I think you underestimate the amount of naps I could take. Okay, no, that's fair. I think it's like, you're like- You know what? I'm not a parent and I think you're right. I think you're right. I think it's like, you're like, you know what? I'm not a parent and I think you're right.

I think you're right. I think it's like, you don't have to go back to your work and your kids and be like, so I could just sleep in and have sex and sleep in? I could just spend

my week sleeping. Yeah. Sure. I'm willing to do that. Like, send me some bottled water once in a while. For sure. They'd be like,

hey, the coronavirus is gone. I'd be like, oh no. You could just leave me on this island over here. I'm cool with it. I think I've got some of that. Whatever makes me stay here, virus. I got the Bahamas fever.

This nation, Father, I thank you. It's being contained. It's being contained in Europe and Heavenly Father being contained in various parts of the world. Will they say that? By contained, do you mean it is only on that continent? What she means is that

What do you mean by contained? is that it's being contained in a human and then passed on to another human relatively easily. Right, yeah, right away. Contained fucking how? Like in what world? Well, they're wishing it.

They're wishing at it. Yeah. That's all they're doing is just wishing at it. That's it. I can't. I just, for fuck's sake, like we're down to just,

I mean like, to be fair, like that is the medical response to a virus anyway. Yeah, lots of times. Yeah. You need a year or so to get an actual vaccine.

Anything significant. And some viruses, you can't ever get a vaccine. You can't even get a vaccine. Yeah. Cases are popping up. We speak a holy containment and a quarantine

by the Holy Spirit to go across the land. And we say, Lord, let the angels of the most high go forth to be commissioned to walk and to benefit those that are... Just to walk? What is that? Let them go forth to be commissioned to walk? Why can't they just walk? I know they're going to do like a fun run

to bring attention to it. The angels race for the cure. They're going to race for a cure to rabies? They're like carb loading on fettuccine alfredo and vomiting in the bushes. If you haven't seen

that Office episode, you need to. It's so good. So good. All the extra language. Can you go back just like 10 seconds? Yeah, sure. Yeah, absolutely. Just the extra...

The language is not necessary to communicate the point at all. It's just, like you said, she doesn't know what she's going to say next, so she fills it in with these garbage phrases. Yeah. The thing is, like you explained earlier, they have a formula, but if they don't

know what they're going to say it turns into a mad lib and that's what's happening right now Holy Spirit to go across the land and we say Lord let the angels of the most high go forth to be commissioned to walk and to benefit those that are heirs of salvation

but even those that are not part of the covenant Lord we ask for your mercy to be upon them and to drive this virus out into the dark places. Let it be. What the fuck does that mean? No, because like, you know what that means. The dark places are poor places where brown people live.

She is 100% saying, I don't want, she said, keep it elsewhere. Don't let it come to America. Push, she doesn't say eradicate the virus. Push it out to the dark places.

If you could move it around, can't you just say, zoinks, it's gone now? Why did you bring it here, asshole? Yeah. This looks like,

hey, I brought you this virus. I thought you'd like it. I know y'all said, you enjoy a Corona once in a while. So I figured I'd bring you this virus. Seriously, like God in this circumstance brought a wild dog to a party. And then people are like, oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Your dog is biting everyone. And then you're like, hang on. And if you wrestle your dog back under control instead of people being like why the fuck did you bring a dog to this party you could have not brought this dog to this party people are like thank you saved my life from that dog oh thank you brought to the party before you showed up with the dog nobody was being bitten by that fucking dog. What am I missing? I know, I know, I know.

You made it, and now you're like, oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you didn't like it. What I'm going to do is I'm going to go ahead and move it over to the brown folks. Right, right. Actually, it's even worse than that. It's that God wrestles the dog to biting brown people. He holds the dog up to all the brown people.

He's like, get him. Sick him. Sick him, boy. Sick him. It's like if I shoot you, and then I walk over, and I put a Band-Aid on the bullet wound, right? And then you're like, hey, man, thanks so much. much and i'm like i could have just not shot you you have my eternal gratitude oh perfect one right band-aids don't fix bullet wounds taylor

swift knows this what's going on he cast out that's right from the nations and be contained and to dissolve and to be broken and neutralized by the power of the living God. We say, coronavirus, be neutralized. What's more effective? This, where you're holding your hands up and screaming at the fucking sky? Or, I don't know, spending money on a vaccine? Well, you know, I listen to an interesting- I mean, I guess you could do both.

You could. You could. Yeah. You could. You know, what is interesting is, like, I listened to an interesting podcast called This Podcast Will Kill You. And it was about coronaviruses in general, but also about this novel coronavirus. And coronavirus is just a type of virus. The common cold is a type of coronavirus. We don't have cures or vaccines for most of them. Yeah.

Like we don't, like we're not going to fix this. Like praying at it is not going to fix this. Like this is just a thing now. Like that's how viruses work most of the time. Yeah. Like most viruses were just like, that's just part of what we live with now.

Yeah. You know? Yeah. Like fucking Lysol is more effective than this. Lysol kills 99.9% of germs on contact. Hand sanitizer twice a day is more effective than shouting at the sky. Yeah. In the name of Jesus.

Lose your power. Yes. And lose your power. We command that demon. Yes. What is going forth. Yeah. In Jesus name.

That it loses its strength. And this thing dissipates. And even a supernatural, a supernatural inoculation of the spirit comes now and brings forth healing and a cure. Holy shit. As it gets worse though, I think you're absolutely right. It's not going to get better. There's going to, they're going to keep on doing this, even though it clearly didn't work the first time. Right. I wonder if this thing really goes global the way that a lot of people are saying it's kind of inevitably going to. I wonder if there's going to be doomsday cults and all the rest of the craziness. Yeah. Yeah. There's just a 30 second. This dovetails off the last

story. This is a guy, this is that same guy, that Rodney Howard Brown, different guy. He wants to make the coronavirus disappear. This is just 30 seconds worth. It's very similar to the last story. The way this ends is fucking amazing though. And we just stood and declared, we cursed that thing in the name of Jesus.

And Zika disappeared. Do you know the guys, okay, people at home can't see this, but do you know the guys who inject synthol into their muscles and make them huge? Yes. You've seen those guys who make their biceps enormous, even though there's nothing in there. There's no power in them at all.

Yeah, it's just water or whatever, it's balloons. It looks like somebody did that to his face. He does, his face looks like it's sort of expanding at a rate that it can't sustain. Yeah. It looks like it already maybe has done that and then

deflated like an old balloon. You know, I think you're more accurate on that. Yeah. Or he's like a guy who got silicone fillers from somebody in their garage and they used bathtub cloth with silicone fillers. Yeah, they used silicone that you would just talk cock your tub with. Yeah, that or someone has tanned his face while it was on.

We are doing the same thing with the coronavirus. We do not need it on these shores. And obviously, somebody said, well, what about the rest of the world? Look, I mean, I can't be responsible for every city or whatever. What I just, I mean, all I did was sit here before, but now I'm going to sit here a little less because I can't be responsible

for every place. Think about what he's saying. He's asking God to get rid of, he's asking for a magical favor, but he doesn't want to ask for like a magic favor that Yeah. But he doesn't want to ask for like a magic favor that helps everybody. He's got three wishes.

Oh, yeah. In his mind, he has three wishes. Yeah. And he's used one of his wishes to say, I want the virus to get out of America.

He could say, just want the virus gone. I just want the virus gone. That's how magic wishes work. Right? You could just say that, Tom. But like, instead, he's like, look, I can't be responsible for asking for magic wishes for you.

Look, I would have to say it out loud. Why? And that would be a lot of work. I would still be sitting here in my comfy chair with my fat face doing nothing, but I would just have to say different words. He wouldn't even have to say more words. It would just be different words.

Seriously, less words. I curse the virus from the earth. Yeah. That's it. That's it. Two or three syllables. Is he out of manna? He's only got so many. He's only got so many red, white, and blue manna.

Right. Like, how fucking xenophobic are you that you don't want to waste a magic wish on the wrong nation? It's so amazing. That's my favorite shit. That's my favorite shit. That's a level of like racist xenophobia. That's just a size like,

ah, you want to free the slaves? Yeah. I could go to TGI Fridays. You know, I mean, like I'll tell you what I'll do. That lime arena is going to drink itself.? Yeah, I could go to TGI Fridays. You know? I mean, like, I'll tell you what I'll do. That Lime-a-Rita

isn't going to drink itself. Here's what I'll do. I'll free all the white people that have been trafficked. How's that? That's what I'll do. Can we compromise? China has total respect

for Donald Trump's very, very large brain. They call her Pocahontas. I am the chosen one. You are fake news. Okay. I am the least racist person. Look at my African-American over here.

Look at him. It's a camera. Grab him by the pussy. Stop it. Lots of stuff for this week in Trump. We're going to talk about the pandemic that is going to be reaching American shores, according to many people.

And it's the coronavirus. And did Trump just fire the pandemic response team? We look at a Snopes article about that. We'll also be looking at the press conference that Trump gave about the coronavirus. And then there is also, we're also going to talk about who he named to lead the response to the coronavirus. Why don't we get started?

Let's talk a little bit about Bloomberg. Bloomberg was on stage again for the Democratic primary. And wow, that guy gets owned every single time he opens his mouth. He tried to make a joke this week. I don't know if you saw this where he said, oh, I can't believe all of you came after I gave you such a beating last time. And nobody in the audience laughed

because it wasn't funny. And it was so just mortifying. And he got owned again several days. He's just so bad. It's almost like there's so many different things to attack him on. Exactly, right? You know?

And this is an example. We're going to post this link. They're just showing all the places that Bloomberg's ads are running in comparison to- It's unreal. Everywhere in the United States. And this is only just in a two-day period.

I think it's a couple-day period. And they're just showing you how many times his ads are being run. And they're just showing you how many times his ads are being run and they're being run on so many markets all across the country. He has so much money. He's just absolutely buying, trying to buy the election.

And you could see they list on the other candidates. If you look at this graph, they show the other candidates and they're barely sprinkled in the places where the Super Tuesday would happen. Bloomberg isn't satisfied. He's doing it everywhere. He's showing them everywhere. And this is an example of a guy who's going to be able to just, if he does get in, he literally bought his seat. He literally bought his ticket. We're learning some dangerous lessons about the structure of our democracy right now.

we're learning some dangerous lessons about the structure of our democracy right now. And to be very clear before this nightmare unfolds, this is the structure we built. The things that created this monster is unlimited private campaign donations and contributions, right? There are easy fixes to these problems. I know we've said it before, but I don't ever want to pretend that there's not easy fixes to these problems. Sure. Let's not, I just, I know you've said it before, but I want to, I don't ever want to pretend that there's not easy fixes to these problems. They just don't have any political will.

You simply make the campaigns be publicly funded with a certain set amount of money. The government already owns the airwaves. Yeah. Those airwaves, you own them, I own them. They're publicly owned. Yeah. You don't have to do anything special.

It's not like no private company owns the fucking Airways FCC owns them, that's ours so we could, if we wanted to simply say that private money is out of politics you could make that rule tomorrow, it's not like politics would end it would just change as all would happen, you're right

and they would have to just use that money that's based on their thing and they wouldn't have as many commercials you would have to pay use that money that's based on their thing and they wouldn't have as many commercials. They would have to, you would have to pay attention to who's running as a viewer because you would want it. There would be no reason. Another perfect example, another way that this could really be useful is

we were talking a couple of weeks ago about how Trump may not do the debates. If it was publicly funded, he would almost have to do them because there's no other way for him to get in front of that many people so often often he can do it now just by funding commercials. He can do an infomercial like, uh, like Perot did. You remember Perot did an infomercial. You can just fund that stuff and just do it. It's not an issue. You could be on every TV anytime you want,

whenever you want with impunity, it doesn't matter. There's nothing to stop you. There's literally the only barrier to entry is cash. That's it. That's the only thing. That's the only barrier to entry. But if you suddenly took that away from him and said, you can't do that. You can't buy Facebook posts unless it comes out of this slush fund, this fund.

There's a certain amount of finite money. That's it. You can't do it anymore. And then suddenly you turn it into that. Now it's a big deal. Now it's a big deal. But politics is also big money in this country. Huge amount of money.

And that's why it's never going to change. Let's talk a little bit about the coronavirus. Here's a question that was asked by a lot of people recently. Snopes took it on. Did Trump fire the U.S. pandemic response team? The answer is yes. Yes, he did.

Yeah, 2018, Trump fired the pandemic response team in The answer is yes. Yes. Yes, he did. Yeah. 2018 Trump fired the pandemic response team in order to cut money out of the budget. Yeah. So, you know, yeah, there's that. Yeah. And like when I read this, it's like, you know, we're saving fucking pennies. Like, let's be honest about what we do when we do this sort of stuff. Like this saves pennies against when you compare the value of cutting something like this out and you compare that against the overall budget, that'd be like me saying like, you know what?

Saving money, not buying applesauce this year. Just going to cut applesauce right out of my budget. Yeah. And then you buy one jar of it a year. Right. And you're like, yeah, exactly. Right. You're just like, what is the cost of my applesauce

in a year against my total spending? Well, it's fucking so negligible that if I stopped eating applesauce tomorrow, it's not like I'm like, oh, my wallet's

suddenly feeling pretty fat with all that applesauce money. Yeah. You're not cutting Starbucks or the military. Hey, you know, you stop talking like that.

Yeah. You're not going to do that, right? You're not going to cut the military budget. You're not going to cut Starbucks, right? You're not going to cut the military budget. You're not going to cut Starbucks. We don't even say those words. We don't even, there's some things we don't joke about.

Star Wars. I don't know. Wasn't that a thing that they had spent a lot of money on in the Reagan era, Star Wars? Anyway, they basically did, he did fire all these people. One of the things that struck me about this entire thing was, uh, sort of the level of nepotism that, uh, is rampant in these positions because,

you know, there's, you look through here and I mean, if you think about, think about, um, do you remember the guy Brownie, you did a hell of a job. Do you remember that? Yeah. Um, the guy, there's a lot of nepotism in these high-ranking, big-name jobs. Right. And I can see where some people, when they say the government's not going to do a better job, sometimes the government's not going to do a better job when you look at some of this stuff, especially when they're talking about these big, high-ranking people. What the fuck does fucking that brain surgeon or whatever, that Carson, what does he know about the housing and urban development? What does he know? What does Rick Perry, well, Rick Perry's now not there anymore, but what did he know about the Department of Energy? What did any of these people know? And, you know, that also goes, I know that Obama did hire people that were- Experts in their field. Sometimes experts in their field. Absolutely. But, you know,

we look at the way this is done and you think, you know, they, in some ways, the Republicans create a self-fulfilling prophecy of inept government by hiring inept people. What? You know?

Right, because that way, oh, government's not efficient. Yeah. Because I made sure it was inefficient. Well, because you hired your fucking, your pool guy to be the NSA director. Yeah. That's not efficient. Yeah. Because I made sure it was inefficient. Well, because you hired your fucking, your pool guy to be the NSA director. Yeah.

That's on you. That's not on anybody else. Pool guy's head of the Coast Guard, Cecil. He can swim. Stupid. I know. The pool guy, he's just standing there.

He's the head of the Coast Guard and he's got one of those nets. He's got a skimmer. He's just standing with a skimmer. I don't know. Scoot closer. I'll skim him. I thought this job would be sexier.

I'm not going to lie. I had to lie. I've watched a lot of movies. Bang and Melania and I can't really do anything else on it. But seriously, they thwart it in a lot of ways.

They thwart it by doing this sort of thing. That's an interesting point. Do they? Yeah. They thwart it by doing this sort of thing. That's an interesting point. Do they, yeah. They thwart it. They just, oh, government's super corrupt. And it's so funny

because in the same way they're like, oh, look at how corrupt it is. Look at all this. And then you're like, yeah, but you put that guy in there and he doesn't know what he's doing. You're the one who did it.

Yeah, but government's just so inept and so corrupt. Yeah. That's on you, man. You made that choice. Yeah. Do you know that? That is literally a taut you, man. That's a tautology. Yeah. Do you know that? That is literally a tautology. It's a pretty tight tautology. It's taut. It's a tautology.

Let's talk about who, who the president put in place. How safe do you place to, uh, to, uh, be the fucking lead guy for the coronavirus. He punted that shit to his vice president. He basically said Pence, and I had a tweet yesterday and I stand by it. Pence might be the best choice on his staff because quarantine is essentially abstinence only. So it makes sense. It makes sense from that point of view.

But one of the best tweets I saw was AOC said, he doesn't believe in science. How can you put him in charge of this? He literally doesn't believe in science. I thought the same. I thought that Pence is in charge. It's like, you're from Indiana. You're a religious guy from Indiana. Look at how terrible you did with other viruses,

namely the HIV. You did a terrible job with that. The only reason he's like not worried about it is because people don't want to hang out with him. Yeah. You know, I'm not likely to get it. Yeah. Nobody wants to spend time with you and mother,

you fucking weirdo. There's a moment somebody found on Twitter where right at the end of this, where he's shaking hands, he pents, wipes his nose, and then shakes someone's hand. Shut up. Shut up. Does he really? That's shaking hands. He, Pence, wipes his nose and then shakes someone's hand. Shut up! Shut up!

Does he really? That's so funny. And then this lady, this lady who's like the head of the CDC is just watching in horror as Trump turns the entire fucking, the entire thing about him. He starts talking about how he's talking.

I mean, you know what, Tom? There's actually, we can read aloud Trump's speech here. So why don't we just read it aloud? We've been working with the hill very, very carefully and very strongly. We've been working

with it very strongly. What have you been arm wrestling with the hill? What's going on? We have three varies in the process. Oh yeah, yeah. Very, very, very. Seriously. my stepdaughter writes better than this she's nine we do we do all right so we've been working with the hill very very carefully and very strongly and i think we have good bipartisan spirit we were asking for two and a half billion and we think that's a lot but the democrats and i guess senator schumer wants to

have much more than that and And we'll take it. Don't you understand what that means? If they want to give more, we'll do more. We will spend more. Hopefully we won't spend so much because we've taken it down to a minimum and we've had tremendous success. At the same time, what could that mean? At the same time, you have outbreaks in some countries, Italy and various countries. China, you know outbreaks in some countries, Italy and various countries, China.

You know about where it started. And I spoke with President Xi, and he's working very hard. He's working very, very hard. God, he's so stupid. This is my favorite. And if you can count on the reports coming out of China, that spread has gone down quite a bit. The infection has gone down over the last two days as opposed to getting larger. It has gotten smaller, and we can be reliable. It seems to have gotten quite a bit. The infection has gone down over the last two days as opposed to getting larger. It has gotten smaller

and we can be reliable and seems to have gotten quite a bit smaller. Is he talking about his dick? With respect to the... Mushroom sized. With respect to the money that's being negotiated, they can do whatever they want. We are requesting two and a half. Some Republicans would like

us to get four. Some Democrats would like us to get eight and a half. And we will be satisfied. Everybody's satisfied with eight and a half. Some Republicans would like us to get four. Some Democrats would like us to get eight and a half and we will be satisfied. Everybody's satisfied with eight and a half, sweetheart. Right. Satisfied. I hope two and a half is acceptable. We are bringing in a special lift tomorrow who lurks at the state department. Very, very tremendously talented in doing this. I wanted you to understand something that shocked me. And I spoke to Dr. Fossey on this. And I was really amazed. And most people amazed.

The flu in our country kills. Fucking amazed by this? How is he amazed by this? You're the leader of the country. How do you not know this? The flu in our country kills from 25,000 people to 69,000 people a year. That was shocking to me. And so far, if you look what we have

with the 15 people and they're recovering, one is pretty sick, but hopefully will recover. But the others are in great shape. Think of that 25,000 to 69,000 over the last 10 years and lost 360,000. These are people that have died from the flu. Hey, did you get the flu shot? And that is something.

I got to read. This person's analysis is my favorite. Just, and I don't want to read it all. I just want you get the flu shot? And that is something. I got to read this person's analysis, my favorite. And I don't want to read it all. I just want to read the one part of it. He said the sad part was watching all of these accomplished, brilliant people, the people who have dedicated their lives to solving epidemic diseases at the highest level, standing there behind a vulgar talking yam.

Oh, so good. It's so good. This Esquire article is so scathing. But you know, here's Trump. He doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. At one point, he starts talking about Brazil. And he says, they have it in Brazil now. And that president, he said, make Brazil great again.

He got that from me. He's trying to make everything about him. He's the worst. He's absolutely the worst. You said it a couple of weeks ago when you were talking about how, you know, what's going to happen if there is a real pandemic? How will Trump handle it?

And what did he do? He immediately passed it off to somebody else because he's totally incompetent and he can't do anything except for make this about himself. I am generally an optimist, man. And it's hard to be optimistic right now. Yeah. Like it's a fucking real challenge to be optimistic. real challenge to be optimistic mike pence has no like beyond just the fact that mike pence is scientifically fucking illiterate yeah totally ill-equipped and unqualified to lead anything 100 to lead anything at all 100 anything at all he has no support like is like like what's a bigger

fucking deal like what the fuck why are we handing this off to a guy who can't get shit done what do i have where's the evidence that mike pence gets things done right we need things done like we're gonna hand it off to a guy well i hope he'll do it yeah really yeah we're fucking really i will say like if there's gonna be a fucking pandemic and fucking like it or lump it or hate it and there's a million problems with it but like the fucking mean-ited, mostly evil, autocratic authoritarian regime in China at least got some shit done. So like when the pandemic hit China, they built hospitals in 10 days. They locked their fucking cities down.

Like if we're going to hand over the reins of power to a goddamn crazy person and have one man in charge and elect America a goddamn emperor, it's not really fair that that guy, once there's a problem, then hands the problem off. At least we gave Trump all the fucking power. We divested power away from the other two branches. We gave it all to the executive branch. Now there's maybe an emergency and his response is to be like, well, not it.

Yeah, not it. And it's not for me. Why did I give, why did I fucking, why did I elect a king? Yeah. This guy is a pray the gay away person. He doesn't, he doesn't believe in science. Pence is the worst choice for this in the world. I genuinely, this is probably the worst move he could have made.

Picking somebody like Pence, Just let the CDC handle it. Well, and he even said like, in response, like, why didn't you pick this guy? I don't remember his name, but they had more experience. Like, well, that guy's real busy. Yeah. And it's like, real busy? What are you talking about? What do you mean real busy?

What do you mean with this real busy? Right, right, right. Your vice president has got some fucking time on his hands, he'll manage the impending pandemic yeah that's the guy you want the guy you couldn't think of anything better to do please enjoy the following clip from our live stream last thursday glory hole motherfuckers here we go we're gonna watch and this virus really impacts the asian male okay oh one thing she doesn't have is a good green screen. Look at her hair on the outside of her hair. It's watch her hair.

She's, she looks like a vision. This virus really impacts the Asian male. There's a gene inside the Asian male. No, you know what, you know what it is? It's smoking. That's what, that's why Asian men, Asian men are more likely to die from it. Because, because I listened to the daily today

and they had a epidemiologist or whatever. I don't know if that's the real word. I just made it up. Anyway, they had a guy who studies epidemics. That's probably a different person. Anyway, pandemic. He's a- Pandemologist.

He's a panhandler. Panhandler is perfect, actually. A guy who studies pandemics. A guy who handles- A panhandler. Handled this fucking pandemic. Will you fucking getle this fucking pandemic. Will you fucking get on this?

Jesus. Jesus. What did I fucking put money in your cup for? I will give you a quarter. Anyway, this guy said that the reason

why more Asian males are dying from it is because in China, 2% of women smoke where like 50% of men or something like that. It was a really big number, a huge discrepancy

in smokers. And the people that are dying are older. Chances are they have COPD or emphysema or something

bucked up with their lungs. They have the results of smoking. And so they smoked, there are higher chance of them smoking and there's a higher chance of them dying

because of the smoking. It's not because of any other reason. It's not because they're just like, they just, the disease is just like, nope, you're it. Sorry. You're it. Like, I'm already

sort of like Asian males. Oh yeah, it started in China. Yeah. And then it went to South Korea. Yeah. So I'm going to guess that like Asians in general have been disproportionately affected. Yeah. By the pandemic coming from China.

You didn't really have to think too hard about that one. That is very susceptible to this virus that puts a much higher risk for death than any other demographic. I will say, there's been a lot of reports about some really racist things. I guess people are being pretty racist about the disease and racist about the disease

and talking about the disease. And so like, really? Yeah, like against Asians and Chicago's Chinatown is empty. They were talking. Yeah, so people aren't going to Chinatown because they think they're going to get the virus.

They're going to get coronavirus from Chinatown. In Chicago. Just because it says China doesn't mean you're going to get. They were, seriously, they had a thing on the news the other day,

and it was totally a Chamber of Commerce type story where they're all standing with the people, the owners in Chinatown saying it's safe to come down here. I'm not even kidding. It was on the Channel 2 News. That kind of makes me want to go to Chinatown. Right? It's going to be empty.

Great. The fucking world is my oyster. Fucking dim sum. And my duck all around. Dim sum. Oh, baby. I should go there. Get some dim sum. And my duck all around. Dim sum. Oh, baby. I should go there. I actually should go there this weekend

because dim sum is sometimes a little crowded down there and it's perfect. It'd be perfect time to go. Yeah, for real. You know what you should do is like capitalize even further on the racism and go to a Japanese restaurant because people can't tell the difference.

Oh, no. Because you know people are racist like that. You know people don't, yeah. They're just like, actually, I should check out the Japanese place by me and see if there's a seat in there. I bet there is right now.

So I want to thank our patrons. Of course, I want to thank our, all our patrons. We want to thank our newest patrons, Rainer, Glenn. You've been served at LNLLaw.com. Chris and Nicholas, thanks so much for your generous donations.

We really do truly appreciate it. I wanted to warn everybody that if you don't become patrons, we're going to keep putting in Ian's commercials. We got to make ends meet somehow, guys. You know, we really do appreciate all of our patrons. I do want to say, I know we've promised some mugs out. I've been sick for a couple of weeks.

I've been in and out of work. I do this. I mail them out from my day job. So if you haven't gotten a mug, please bear with me. I'm mailing some out either tomorrow or beginning of next week. I've just been under the weather, not able to get everything I need to get done done. On the mug side of the world. And Glenn,

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Thank you. So we got a message. This message is from Martin and he's in Germany. And he said, hey, I found these creepy mannequins that look a lot like Gary. And they do. They look like Gary's two lesbian moms. That's what I would say. It does lot like Gary. And they do. They look like Gary's

two lesbian moms. That's what I would say. It does look like Gary's two lesbian moms. So I'm going to post this on this week's show notes. This episode is 513. We got a message from Bjorn.

And Bjorn says, I was shocked to hear a Tom's $3,600 a year. He used the euros thing there, but it's $3,600. It's a little less than that. Cost for medicine for a stepson. I'm on a completely off-label, non-generic, not covered by our social security, new medicine for anxiety. And it hurts me just to pay $80 for

a three-month subscription. And he said, my normal meds are about five euros for a hundred tabs for one month. Five euros, huh? Wow. So like that's not an unusual thing. Like three or $400 for medication is not, not only is it not unusual, even with insurance, it's not even like, it's not anywhere near what you could pay for a number of different things.

None of my, I've never had a prescription that costs more than 30 bucks. No, really? Yeah, my insurance is good. So I'm that one that Amy Klobuchar is talking about. I'm that one person who likes their prescription medicine. Yeah. I get good, I get good prescription medicine insurance. There's nothing I have that costs a lot of money.

Yeah. Like, so the med I'm talking about, it's, it's just an ADHD med. Like we're not talking about some like wild experimental thing. It's just meth. Yeah. It's just, it's just, yeah, it's just meth. It's all it is. It's just a medicine for ADHD. It's just math. Yeah, it's just, it's just, yeah. It's just math. It's all it is, it's just a medicine for ADHD. It's not like something terribly expensive. Like in the grand scheme of things or experimental, it's not a cancer treatment. Yeah.

It's just. ADHD. And the thing is that the reason is that it's not on the list of approved medicine. Yeah. So we get a, we get like a list. It's so funny when you pick your insurance plan, at least at my company,

there's like three plans you can pick from. And then in those insurance plans, you get a list of covered medications. And it's like books length long, you know, of what's covered. And it seems like a lot. But like anything that's not in there

just isn't in there. And most everything in there is just in there under it's like chemical name. And so like they hand it to you and you're like, well, I don't know what I'm going to need next year. Yeah. It's like, I can look up what I'm taking now. Yep. And like, but if what you're taking now isn't in there, what do you do? It's just like, it's just like when you go to the, to the gas station and they don't

take the card at the pump and you walk in and you say, yeah, I just want to fill it up. And they say, well, you go to the gas station and they don't take the card at the pump and you walk in and you say, yeah, I just want to fill it up. And they say, well, you got to pay me. Right. And I say, well, I don't know how much I'm going to need. I want to fill it up. Well, you just got to pay me.

And I can't tell you how much that's going to be. I want to fill it up. No, you got to pay me first. Will you give me change if I give you 20? No, I can't do that. What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do? I just leave the gas station.

Yeah, I know, right? That's like, I'm sorry, you're still operating on an supposed to do? I just leave the gas station. I know, right? It's like, I'm sorry, you're still operating on an antiquated system. I just leave the gas station. Anyway, so, but yeah, and while I like my insurance for that aspect, it's cheap in that sense, it takes me three weeks to go see a doctor.

It's not like I can just see a doctor when I want. Got a message from Andrew and Andrew wanted Tom to know that he used his line in a presentation on sex education at school. He had said that he did want children to have a

safe, consensual, fulfilling sex life but not a violence life. I think it's a great comment. So yeah, and glad it helped you out there, Andrew. Todd said that we should check out the episode four of HBO's McMillions, which was talking about the Mormons, the McMormons.

And this might be something interesting that we could both check out in the future. Yeah, I'm in episode three. I haven't seen it. I haven't watched it. Really good. I canceled my HBO subscription once Game of Thrones left.

Okay. Yeah, I wasn't watching anything on HBO, so I canceled. I might pick it up again once I get rid of Comcast completely and switch over to a different thing, cut the cord, I might do it. But as it stands right now,

I'm sort of stuck with Comcast at home. So I have to not get HBO because they bleed me for it. We got a message from someone in China. Daniel said, I live in China. So there's a part of this that we want to read aloud. It's about what's happening in China with the quarantine. Coming around to the quarantine, it's not just Wuhan.

Even six hours north, I've been in my apartment for quite a while. For a while, we were permitted for one member of our household to leave the apartment complex every three days for grocery shopping, though that requirement has since been lifted. We still must sign in and out whenever we come and go and have our temperature taken. Wuhan is, as far as I know, still on total lockdown.

My friend runs a business that wanted to deliver medical supplies there, and what would usually be overnight shipping took him five days, the last stretch of which had to be completed by a hired ambulance. Wow. The temperature part is weird. Do you have to pull your pants down or is there like a little thing that you just like a little trap door where they take your temperature?

Is that? We call that the TSA here. Yeah. All you need to do is just get a, they wave the body scanner like, sir, can you step over to the side so I could fist your ass? No, you can do it in the goddamn scanner

like I told you. God. Yeah, no, it sounds, what it sounds like is, you know do it in the goddamn scanner like I told you. Yeah, no, what it sounds like is a country like China can really lock things down in a way that I think other countries are going to have a lot of harder time to do. Depending on how bad it gets in other places, it might really cause some severe fits for people leaving houses and things and people who are used to not having the government just say, no, you're going to stay in your fucking house. We didn't want to mention, sadly, we heard from many people this week, Ishmael Brown passed away. Angry Black Rant was his podcast. He was a guest on our show a couple times. We hope that his passing was peaceful. We are not sure what happened, but we did have him on the show a couple of times

and we wanted to mention to everybody that Ishmael Brown did pass away. For those of you mourning, take care of yourselves. You know, it's a rough thing with some of the community that people relied upon. Absolutely.

Yeah, and he had a podcast that a lot of people liked. So we wish people who loved him well. I love this. We got a tweet, and I'm not just going to post it on this week's show notes. It's Louie Gohmert coming out. And he's just, Louie Gohmert just coming out to talk about,

he was at a CPAP or whatever it was. But he was at the big Republican convention and he came out walking out. And his fucking, his music that he walks out to is the worst WWE walkout music I've ever heard. For real. I mean, seriously.

For real. That's a guy who's going to get a wedgie in the ring. How much would you like to be in a ring with Louie Goldberg? Oh, God. Oh.

I just feel like, I feel like his bones would be so brittle with osteoporosis that things would break and you wouldn't even expect it. Like, you would put him in a lock of some sort

and then you'd be like, I didn't expect at all for that arm to do that. I didn't expect that to happen. We were just tickling right now. Yeah, I just shook your hand, sir. And I came away with your arm. Yeah.

So we want to invite people to come join us on our live stream. If you're not a patron, you heard a clip of that this week. We haven't recorded it yet, so hopefully it was funny. Come join us at our live streams Thursday nights at 9 Central. Next

week, it's our great hope to have a guest and we also hope to be on another podcast, Left at the Valley, next week. We don't know when that will release, but we are recording it. It's the same day that we record our show. We'll be back with Super Tuesday Tuesday results next week. So remember, if you're in one of those Super Tuesday states, vote now and vote in fucking November too. Go make sure that if you can't vote now, especially if you go to try to vote now and you're like, oh shit, I didn't get registered.

Register now. Yeah. Register. And then go vote. A-B-V. Always be voting. Absolutely. Alright. That's going to wrap it up for this week. We're going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in

scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment. towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, bigfoot, yeti, aliens, churches, mosques, and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Nonsense. Expose your signs. Thrust your hands. Bloody. Evidential.

Conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and information provided on this podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. All opinions are solely that of Glory Hole Studios, LLC. Cognitive dissonance makes no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information and will not be liable for any errors, damages, or butthurt arising from consumption. All information is provided on an as-is basis. No refunds. Produced in association with the local dairy council and viewers like you. you