Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 521: Meat Singles In Your Area
Episode Date: April 27, 2020Stories from the Week  Kenneth Copeland REMIX!  ...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock.
Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended.
The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from split glory holes that's-dick glory hole for those interested, this is Cognitive Dissonance.
Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way.
We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence, and particularly irreverence,
to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad.
It's skeptical, it's political. And there is no welcome mat.
This is episode 521.
Cecil, how's your pandemic, buddy?
So far, so good.
You know, can't complain.
Oh, man.
Going anywhere nice recently?
I did go to the store the other day,
and I had a realization when I was at the store.
I was walking through,
and most of the stuff was there.
There was, for the most part,
things were there.
I got my first,
since everything started,
I got my first pack of toilet paper,
which I was excited about.
Oh, we got ours last week, too.
First time I got a chance,
I walked into the store,
and there was actually toilet paper.
They did have a thing on there that said,
you can only take one,
but there was enough toilet,
now it was off-brand toilet paper,
don't care.
It was 12 rolls of it.
And so I was excited to get 12 rolls of toilet paper
because we were on our last roll of toilet paper.
All right, I was a little luckier.
I'm in the burbs.
So, you know, I got Charmin,
I got a 36 pack or whatever. look at you i you know fucking luxuries out here in the sticks i was tempted
to take a shit right there you know just a celebratory mid-aisle shit and then when you're
done just pick one piece of toilet paper up and just make it rain on the shit just spinning it
over and over and over and it makes a big pile right there.
Oh my God.
So we got that.
And then the other day,
we still cannot get a spray cleaner.
So you can't get any like Lysol or what is it?
You can get essential oil cleaners.
You can.
You can get like all the bullshit.
All the seventh generation is right there.
All that fucking like rub-a-dub-dub citrus peel shit.
Exactly.
It's so nice for your skin.
And the coronavirus is like, feed me, Seymour.
And you're just like, I need a good one.
I need something that's going to kill me if I get too much on me.
That's what I want.
I want something that could absolutely damage me if I'm in a spill.
We are at a place now where those same people that were like, I clean my
house with
the scent of baby oil.
They're now using the same toxic sludge
from fucking RoboCop.
They're just like, put it in a spray bottle.
Spray it on everything.
They touch their house and it just melts like
that guy at the end of the road.
It just falls over. No, but yeah, it's the
same thing. Those people were saying,
oh, you know what I do
is I just put a little bit of lemon juice
and spritz the air and everything's clean.
No, no.
What I want, I'm going to mix ammonia and bleach.
I don't care if it kills me.
I am fumigating the house with fucking mustard gas.
I don't give a shit.
But anyway, so we can't get cleaner. So any of the 409, Formula 409, none of the formulas from
zero to 409 are available. They're all unavailable right now. There's also dishwashing tabs were
mostly out. There's a few, but they're not all there. Yeah. Dishwashing tabs, but there's still
plenty of like squeezable dishwasher. So we're, we're lazy in our quarantine in the city.
I'm not squeezing anything. Get out of here. I just want to put a tab in there. Good.
Squeezing. I haven't been working out this whole time.
And then there's the other thing I noticed that was gone. You know, most of the food is there,
meats and different kinds of cheeses.
And then you're talking about any of the dry goods mostly there.
The thing that's missing is all the frozen goods.
Still, all our frozen goods, if you walk down the frozen goods aisle, they're all gone. And it occurred to me that when you're in the city and you live in the city, you have such great options for eating out that when it suddenly comes time to actually have to stay home and cook,
you don't know what you're doing. So you just went, oh, fuck, what do I make? Well, I guess
I'll just grab all of these swanson frozen dinners and I'm now eating fucking Salisbury
steak every night or whatever, but they're all gone.
Everything's gone.
I don't eat any of that stuff normally.
So when I walk by it,
I just look and marvel at the case that's empty,
but all that prepared food
that you heat up in the oven type stuff is all gone.
There is still bags of vegetables
and all that stuff still there,
but it's the pre-made food is almost all gone
at every place I've been to in downtown Chicago. Okay. Wildly different experience out in the suburbs.
It's fucking hilarious. The random shit is shit is just there or not there. And I think it's just
like, it's like somebody like closed their eyes and spun around and pointed and it's like empty
that aisle. And then, and then the next one is overflowing with a fucking cornucopia of goods.
Like we had toilet paper.
It wasn't like, oh my God, so much toilet paper,
but there was toilet paper, a couple of different options.
You could get some shitter paper.
First time in weeks and weeks, right?
But it was there.
Two weeks ago, milk, not a problem. Eggs, not a problem.
Last week, shit you not, I go to the store, there's a sign on the door, and this is what
the sign said by the milk. Limit 10 gallons per customer. What? 10 gallons. What are you doing with milk? 10 gallons.
Like, what kind of crazy fucking dugger fucking life do you live where you're like,
only 10 gallons every time you shop?
Not 10 gallons this year, 10 gallons this month,
but like 10 gallons of milk is a fucking shit.
80 pounds of milk.
What now?
What are you doing?
You're at home.
You walk in the kitchen and your wife is just pouring it on herself.
Like what is happening in your world?
Like what the fuck?
Limit 10 gallons.
And Cecil, I shit you not.
Limit 10 gallons is amazing.
I took a picture and sent it to my wife.
It looked like bears, milk bears,
had ravaged the milk. Gone, huh?
It was like,
Haley needs lactose-free milk, right?
Because her body is broken
and can't have regular stuff.
Sure.
So there was a lactose-free milk left.
And it was on its side with an arrow
sticking through it, flames everywhere. It was apocalyptic. The milk situation.
You know what else the situation was dire? The frozen pizza situation.
Yeah, that's all gone here too.
So weird because all the rest of the frozen goods that you were mentioning are there.
Right.
And I never buy frozen pizza.
It's just that the kids wanted pizza and I was feeling cheap.
So I was like, I'll buy you some fucking tombstones and like easy peasy.
They're like three, four bucks.
I don't have to order out.
So I go to get tombstones.
There's a million Cecil, a fucking million Jack's Cheese Pizzas.
There are no Tombstone pizzas of any stripe or variety.
And there are no pepperoni pizzas whatsoever.
It's so, but if you wanted motherfucking Jack's Cheese Pizza,
you could literally buy hundreds of them.
There were cases like overflowing. motherfucking Jack's cheese pizza. You could literally buy hundreds of them.
There were cases like overflowing,
like just,
it's so fucking random. What's there and what is not there?
I cannot figure it out for the life of me.
You can have all the eggs you want if they're brown.
Like if you want,
like what?
Fuck it.
I get it.
The brown ones are more expensive because nature or fucking whatever,
like white eggs don't, nature is good or whatever. But like, you can have all of them that you want
if they're brown. You can have none of the milk, no pepperoni. It's just the most random shit that
the store is just out of. It is crazy. But I went to the store one time this week and I try to go maybe once or twice a week
if I can. And it just depends on the... It's weird because you can't predict like you used to.
When I was in Chicago before, it was eight o'clock on Saturday night. There's never a soul in the
store. You could go at eight o'clock on Saturday night and you're the only person
in there. You could close your eyes,
get on the back of the cart like a fucking
scooter and go as fast as
you can down the aisle,
banging your side and
knocking fucking cereal fucking
boxes into the air and it wouldn't matter.
Nobody's there. There's nobody there.
Like you listen softly
and you hear the whistling sound of Western movies and a tumbleweed. It's there. There's nobody there. Like you listen softly and you hear the whistling sound of Western movies and a tumbleweed.
It's insane.
Fucking tumbleweeds are rolling through the aisles.
Yeah.
Now it's crazy.
Now it's just insane.
Like it's no matter what time I go, there's always a crowd.
There's always people there.
My dad is like the last person in the world that should be leaving his house right now, right?
is like the last person in the world that should be leaving his house right now, right? Like my dad is like 72, health problems, COPD, former fucking heavy smoker for 50 years. Like the last, and like,
he's like, well, I call him to check in. Well, I went to the store and I'm like, why are you going
to the store at all? Get it delivered. And he'll say like, well well they don't have everything i want i'm like
when you went to the store did they have everything that you wanted you know exactly right and i'm
like they could dad just hear you like can you hear you right now i'm staying look i want to be
like everyone else is staying inside to protect you or some version of you.
And then you're not staying inside.
Then why am I staying inside?
Like, what?
You want your busy bee?
Get your busy bee. You get the busy bee.
I need to trim her whiskers.
It's in the crate.
Where is it?
It's in the crate.
Where in the crate?
It's not in here.
It's not in here.
It should be in the crate.
It's not in the crate.
I just told you that. God, Hamilton. If she doesn't get a door, she's going to in here. It should be in the crate. It's not in the crate. I just told you that
You left it at the hotel you go back and you get her busy me go to the hotel and get busy me
Run run
Go mommy's getting your toy. Don't you worry? No, we just had a little we had a little discussion
Look at me. Look at me. Don't look at anybody else. Don't look at the fat ass losers or freaks.
You look at me.
I know we're not supposed to do a lot of politics, but this is just fucking ridiculous.
The title makes this.
The title makes this.
I know.
I know.
Former Labradoodle breeder.
Oh, God.
It's because Labradoodle was tapped to lead U.S. pandemic task force.
It's Labradoodle in the United States,
but in Spain,
it's Poodledor.
I got to say, by the way,
Labradoodle,
fucking amazingly cute dogs.
Are they?
Dude, they look like
fucking teddy bears.
They don't even look real.
They're like Labrador sized,
but with like curly golden hair and like
stupid, like ridiculous. They don't shed, which is like a real advantage to them.
Or they shed very little. They're pretty smart, but they look like motherfucking walking teddy
bears. They're fucking ridiculously cute. They're amazing. So I want to read directly from this article,
lest this article seem, from Reuters, by the way,
like it is blowing things out of proportion.
Shortly after his televised comments,
Azar tapped at a trusted aide
with minimal public health experience
to lead the agency's day-to-day response to COVID-19.
So Azar is the secretary
of the Department of Health
and Human Services, right?
Right.
Okay.
And the Department of Health
and Human Services is enormous.
It's like a $1.3 trillion budget.
So like,
that guy doesn't do the work.
He appoints people
to do things underneath him.
Sure.
The guy he appointed,
this motherfucking guy,
this aide, Brian Harrison,
had joined the department after running a dog breeding business for six years.
Five, five sources say officials in the White House derisively called him the dog breeder.
Look, guys, I'm not shitting on dog breeders. No, noers no but like that in no way qualifies you to handle
the day-to-day operations of a fucking pandemic response doesn't it feel like such a random
profession to all the professions you could pick it just feels like a random like just it's like
it's almost like someone mad lived it yeah it. Yeah, it's exactly like somebody, uh, give me a profession,
labradoodle breeder.
Like, for fucking reasons.
You're trying to be random at that point.
You're going out of your way.
It's like family guy montage cutaway.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Like, at what point is the guy just like, um,
we offered the virus a treat.
We called it a treater.
Treater?
Want a treater?
Treater?
Treat?
Treat?
Treater?
That didn't work.
We tried to clicker train the virus.
Nope.
We've just moved on to
studding the virus out
to other breeders.
You know,
we ended up breeding a lot of virus.
I may have gotten the job wrong.
You know, maybe that is what they wanted.
They wanted somebody who would recognize when the virus spread.
Oh, God.
For fuck's sake.
For fuck's sake.
We're going to hire the best people.
Nothing but the best people.
You'll be tired of how best the people are.
It's been like that the whole time.
It's so sad.
And it's all just crazy nepotism, right?
Right.
The reason why this guy has this job is because somebody knew somebody who knew somebody who said,
this Labradoodle Breeder is your guy?
You know, I make a lot of money in the Labradoodle game.
I'm not going to lie.
But I am willing to take a sweet, sweet government job.
Why would you?
Here's the other thing, Cecil.
If somebody, I think I'm a reasonably bright guy.
But I know that I'm not smart enough to lead the day-to-day operations for a pandemic response team.
Sure.
Because I don't know anything about pandemic response.
Sure. pandemic response team because I don't know anything about pandemic response. So somebody
was like, Tom, would you like this sweet ass job leading the pandemic response? I would say,
no. What? Why are you saying that? Because any other response is horrifying. Would you take that
job, Cecil? Gosh, no. There's no way. There's no way. You know what else I'm not? I'm not a helicopter pilot.
Yeah.
Because I don't know how to fly helicopters.
Maybe they were just so confident in him because he kept on saying,
Labradoodle-doo!
Labradoodle-doo!
I tried Labracadabra, a variation.
Labracadabra!
What is happening in the world?
Why are we doing this?
This is it.
When your grandma dies, it's because somebody said labracadabra.
The thing, Thomas, I've seen all the apocalypse movies.
There's never a labradoodle breeder.
There just isn't.
There just isn't.
Like, there isn't a labradoodle breeder hiding his arm behind his
back with a bite mark pretending that everything's okay until later when he eats a baby like that
doesn't happen that doesn't happen where's the labradoodle breeder in world war z where's he at
like put the fucking cure for the fucking virus in a kong and they're like bouncing it around
trying to shake the fucking vaccine out,
lick it between the fucking peanut butter or whatever.
Okay.
That guy is just like,
he's just walking around with a big thing of Jeff spreading it on stuff for
the dog to lick.
I tried everything I know.
Problem is I don't fucking know anything about this.
Why don't you just hit the fucking coronavirus
to the rolled up newspaper, you idiot?
Okay, here's the thing, guys.
We tried rubbing its nose in it.
That got a lot more people sick.
That was a terrible idea.
Didn't work.
Wow, what a bad idea that was.
Really don't know anything about this.
No idea why I have this job.
Listen to me, Randy.
It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside,
whether you're white or black or Sasquatch even.
As long as you follow your dream,
no matter how crazy or against the law it is,
except for Sasquatch.
If you're Sasquatch, the rules are different.
All right, so this story
has nothing to do with anything.
It's from fox56.com,
but it's amazing.
I love everything about this story.
I'm just going to read parts of it.
This is still,
things are,
weird things, Tom,
are still happening.
I love,
this is why I have faith
that America will never change.
I take that for exactly what it is.
Large group.
Large group.
I love that it's a large group.
Large group busted for meat market theft after leaving trail of meat behind.
There's just one set of meat footprints and like six guys carrying the other guy.
I was thinking more like,
you walk up and you got your magnifying glass out,
you pull your magnifying glass out
and you just see like a string of kielbasa
leading away to like sausages leading away
and the person's following the sausage.
They're walking
there seems to
Watson
there seems to be
a trail of meat here
what was stolen
meat
should we follow
the meat
just follow the
drop
imagine if they called
in like the canine unit
the dog's like
I've been waiting
for this job
my whole life
the dog is just burying evidence.
So he can save it for later.
Roro.
I know where the meat is.
It's just a fucking dog eating a bunch of Scoopy snacks.
So explain what happened here.
So just a trail of meat. They stole a bunch of meat right i just i'm
just gonna read part of this because it's fucking amazing right so around 4 30 a.m tuesday which i
fucking you gotta want it uh tuesday vasalia police officers responded to a burglary at the
halisco meat market when officers arrived they detained one adult and a boy under the age of 18 leaving the business.
Officers followed a trail of meat
into a nearby apartment
where they found more people
that were involved.
Detectives executed a search warrant.
I fucking cannot imagine
how wonderful it would have been
to be like both signing off
and requesting that search warrant.
You have to specify what you're looking for. Oh, and you go to the judge, you to be like both signing off and requesting that search form. Oh, gosh. Because you have to specify
what you're looking for.
Oh, and you go to the judge
and you'd be like,
my warrant has a first name.
It's OSCAL.
Oh, God.
Oh, gosh.
Jesus.
Well,
you know,
can you imagine like,
you're like,
all right,
I'm looking for a lady.
I know it's a meat market out there.
I'm looking to meet up.
Meat signal,
ladies.
Oh my God. Jesus, dude. my God.
Oh, Jesus, dude.
Oh, God.
So detectives executed a search warrant at the home
and found six adults and five minors connected to the burglary.
Overall, 13 people were arrested for the crime.
Detectives found some of the stolen meat being cooked.
So they're just like, everybody's just like super high or something.
Who wants a fee? Yeah, right? How fucking wasted are you that're just like, everybody's just like super high or something. Who wants a, yeah, right?
How fucking wasted
are you that you're like, it's 4.30 in the
morning. We need a barbecue.
We just straight up need to barbecue. More,
more or less wasted than
stopping at a White Castle. Which one
would you have to be more
or less wasted at that point? Police say the
kitchen at the home was filled with food
so the thieves weren't stealing meat out of
desperation.
That's the other part I like.
They're just like,
they stole it for choice.
Yeah,
they're just like,
well,
they stole it for prime,
probably.
It wasn't choice.
They selected,
yeah,
exactly.
You're skipping over
selected choice.
You're going right
over the prime.
Come on down
to Cleveland town,
everyone.
Under construction since 1868.
See our river that catches on fire.
It's so polluted that all our fish have AIDS.
We see the sun almost three times a year.
This guy has at least two DU odds.
It could be worse, though.
At least we're not Detroit.
We're not Detroit.
This story comes from MSN.
Six tourists were found self-isolating in a cave near an Indian town made famous by the Beatles after running out of money for hotels.
What now?
Yeah, okay.
So when we're doing wacky stories, we just have to read some of the wacky stories because, yeah. Six foreign tourists
self-isolated in a cave near a northern Indian town after they ran out of money to pay for hotel
rooms. Police said the four men and two women from France, Turkey, Ukraine, the United States,
and Nepal. That is a fucking international coalition of homelessness. That's what that is.
International Coalition of Homelessness.
Yeah, no kidding.
That's what that is.
But it's like a fucking mini UN.
What the fuck, man?
They're playing model UN,
but they forgot to like build the UN building.
It's like, I don't know.
Wouldn't it be, Tom,
wouldn't it be the worst time to be fucking tourists somewhere?
Oh my God.
Jesus Christ, be stuck somewhere?
I mean, that's what it feels like
happened is that they got stuck while they were out traveling. I remember right when this hit,
right at the beginning of all this, there were selfies of people in airplanes because they bought
super cheap airline tickets and were flying first class because there wasn't anybody on the airlines
back then. We're talking, say, the week or two
before shutdown was when people first started saying, you know what, I know they want to fly
now and a bunch of trips are being canceled. And I remember seeing people saying, well, I'm off to
the Riviera. I'm off here. I'm off there. I'm off to go somewhere because they had cheap flights
and they were young. And everybody back then thought, if you're young, you're immune,
flights and they were young and everybody back then thought if you're young, you're immune,
essentially. And so they were flying overseas and just traveling. I wonder if some of those people just got caught doing that. I know I'm sure there's people who are like backpackers and such
that got caught, you know, far away. That's, that sort of seems like what this is,
but I wonder if other people just got caught in other countries just fucked because they,
they, you know, plan badly.
Yeah.
I'm sure that's what it is.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm sure that that's what it did.
Did you see the, uh, did you see the story about the, the, the couple or family or whatever
that went on a sailing trip and they were gone for a month and they're just like, what
the fuck just happened?
Like they like showed up and they're just like, Oh my gosh,
that would be like the same as true of like submariners.
So like I read a story about like submariners,
they like,
they go,
they go down months at a time.
Yeah.
And they don't necessarily have communication with the outside world. That's like part of the gig.
So they're just like,
everything was fine.
You know,
like can't wait till I get on R and R.
I know, right?
Like, oh yeah,
gonna tear it up.
Little night on the,
what the town?
Why is the town broken?
There's no town.
Why are there so many crickets?
Why are people screaming at 8 p.m.?
Yeah, fuck.
Are they doing that by you?
Did people scream by 8 p.m.?
No, uh-uh.
Do they do that by you?
8 p.m. every night,
people will lean out their window
and scream and flip their lights. And it's happening
by me. And it's been happening since the pandemic started. How long does it last?
For about five minutes. It's a movement called Howl at the Moon. And it's 8 p.m. here in Chicago.
People just scream and scream and scream. Initially, I wasn't sure what it was.
And a bunch of people were saying, oh, they're cheering for the workers who are getting off
shift at the hospital. And I said, I don't live by hospital. I don't live anywhere
near a hospital. So that doesn't make any sense. And then a bunch of people sent me messages and
said, oh no, it's this howl at the moon thing that's happening. It's just a Facebook group
or whatever. And people just get out and scream and they bang pot lids and just scream and yell
for five minutes at eight o'clock. Let's off some steam, I guess.
And then they go back to their daily life of screaming inside only.
So like as the summer goes on, are they going to have to like push that out?
Because like the moon won't even be available.
I know, right?
The moon's not going to be available at eight.
Still sunny at eight o'clock and they're going to yell at the sun.
Okay.
No, no, no, no. Don't call the police.
My friend, you've been kicked in the nuts.
No.
You guys are hilarious.
Thanks.
I really love your show. This story comes from the New york post um testicles may make men more vulnerable to coronavirus
says a study i i read this see so i thought man it takes balls to hang on to the coronavirus
sure it does yeah and then i thought like testicles make men more vulnerable, period.
Like they're just nature's bad idea.
Like at what point did testicles ever help somebody out?
They are 100% proof against intelligent design.
100%. They are the worst.
There is nothing like more fucking weird about just like, I don't know,
that thing hurts if like the air is a little wrong. Like put it on the outside of the body in a retractable bag.
Cover it in hair and make sure it's never attractive.
Yeah.
Right next to the thing you want somebody to suck.
Yeah.
And every time any kind of air pressure change happens around it, it hurts like somebody
punched you in the stomach with a fucking anvil.
That's what it feels like every single time.
What a stupid garbage design men are.
We are the most nasty, utilitarian garbage. Absolutely.
Absolutely. This thing is just a piece of fucking garbage. Yeah. Nobody's ever sketched a man naked
on purpose. You know, just to see if you could do it. Yeah. It's like sketching a cockroach.
You're like, can I get a bowl of fruit?
Like, can I just get like a nice bowl of fruit?
I'll just have two apples and a banana.
Can I just get that instead?
I don't want to draw this fucking twig and berries bullshit.
What the fuck?
Oh, yeah.
I, you know, they say that it stays inside of your body,
inside the testicles for an extra four days
like it's getting the grand tour.
No, I really like it here.
I like it here.
Let me,
is there anyone who can just show me
the second bathroom
while I'm here?
It's the worst.
The other thing though
is that it's,
this is from a paper though
where they posted that chloroquine
stuff.
So it's just a place where they post drafts of medical papers.
It's what Natalia told us about a couple weeks ago.
It's from that same site.
And so there's no saying that this is true or that there's any kind of scientific backing behind this.
And many people are saying the reason why men have it over women is because they get,
they're more often smokers, you know, they're more often in ill health.
And those types of things are the things that are contributing to men having it longer,
other than just having a pair of balls.
Yeah.
It just, what a fucking kick in the nuts that is.
Exactly, right?
Jesus.
This is frankly over here.
We find your American beer is a little like making love in a canoe.
Making love in a canoe?
It's fucking close to water.
So I love this.
This is from thegrio.com.
And I wondered, when I read this,
I wondered if maybe Heath had gotten a job in Kenya.
Kenya governor adds bottles of Hennessy
to coronavirus care package.
And the claim in including that the Hennessy
would be as involved in the care package was that it was
throat sanitizer. Somebody just wanted some fucking Hennessy. Exactly. That's exactly it.
And they even said, the guy even said, the companies even come out and said, no,
this is not a good, it's not good against the coronavirus. Everybody else is
saying that alcohol isn't what you want here at this point because it lowers your inhibitions
and shit that you're doing to do more reckless behaviors. It's fucking, it's totally not useful
right now. And they're just like, yeah, I would- Alcohol's the worst thing, right?
I'd like some, I'd like some of it. Okay, well then, just say you want some of it instead of saying everyone needs it.
There's a difference.
Yeah, the further claim, I love this,
is says, I think from the research
conducted by the World Health Organization
and various organizations,
it has been believed that alcohol plays a major role
in killing the coronavirus.
And the WHO was like, we never said that. What?
Like, if you pour alcohol on the virus,
it probably is not good for the virus.
But also,
unless you're like inhaling the Hennessy
rather than drinking it.
Yeah, right, right.
Like, unless you're like waterboarding yourself
with fucking Hennessy,
it's probably not super fucking useful.
Do you like cognac, uh, cognac?
I'm going to, I'm going to admit, I don't know that I've had cognac. I was trying to think like,
is it similar to brandy? So it is brandy. It's just from the cognac region of France. Oh,
then I can answer that question. I re I, I despise brandy. I think it's disgusting.
Yeah, brandy is distilled wine.
Yeah.
It's so fucking sweet.
I hate it.
So if cognac is just brandy,
brandy, I think, is generally repulsive.
It kind of tastes to me like boiled raisins.
Yeah, that's exactly what it tastes like.
Yeah, that's a very good analogy.
Yeah, I like it.
I am not a fan.
I like it in some cooking.
It's good for cooking sometimes.
And I've used cooking brandy before.
But for me, I feel the same way.
And I know a lot of people like it,
but I feel the same way about port.
Because port has it in there.
So it's just fortified wine.
That's not for me.
No, man.
I don't like it.
It's like thick and like kind of, I don't even mind medicinal flavors generally.
Like I'm drinking whiskey.
Whiskey is medicinal, you know, has some medicinal qualities to it for sure.
But like, it's just kind of too much.
It's kind of just overwhelming.
I don't mind a little sip,
but I don't want a second sip.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you're right.
It's like a tasting.
It's like a little taste.
I wouldn't want to sit down with a glass of it.
It'd be fine to have a tiny sip of it.
That's fine.
You're right.
Like if somebody's passing on a flask or something,
maybe, but you know,
although that's a weird thing to think about
in post-coronavirus times. Yeah, think about all the shit like you used to do where you're just like,
here, try this. Yeah, I'll basically lick your asshole. Here, try this. Yeah.
Here. No, just eat it right off my fork. Just eat my ass right off my fork. That's what you need to
do. Yeah. I'm not a huge fan of, I'm not a huge fan of, of brandies at all. And that's, I'm not a huge fan of brandies at all.
And I also wonder too, do you just drink it straight?
Do you add something to it?
Because I don't know how to consume it even.
So the last time I had brandy,
I was visiting a friend and their dad poured a very, very tiny,
I mean, it was probably a half ounce
in this little tiny little glass thing of like brandy. And I got the strong impression that it would have been rude not
to drink it. And it was maybe a little expensive and he was trying to be like
very gentlemanly and offer this as a host. And so I did drink it and it was like drinking,
like I said, boiled raisins. It was good at first and then it's just too much. It's overwhelming.
I think it's consumed straight. I think it's consumed straight.
Okay.
I think it's consumed straight
in like a snifter glass.
Yeah.
And it's very small.
It's like a mixer or something like that.
Yeah.
Okay.
I know there are some drinks
that I've had that have,
that have,
or I've seen that have brandy
as an ingredient,
but I've excluded them
because they had brandy
as an ingredient.
I feel the same way about fennel.
Like I see, like fennel is like- Me too, buddy. Me too. I feel the same way about fennel. Like I see
like fennel is like- Me too, buddy. Me too.
Dude, that shit is like all the rage. Every restaurant you go to, every menu, it's like,
that looks so fennel. I hate it. It's fucking everywhere right now.
It's a terrible flavor and it's also overused. It's so overused that it's, and it's not a flavor
that I think is something that everyone
enjoys. I think a lot of people don't like fennel. I mean, you know, it's funny because I talk to a
ton of people and I'll say, you know, oh yeah, there's fennel in it. And immediately people
are saying, oh, I'm not interested anymore. I don't understand why it's all the rage.
But it is like you, like you agree, right?
Oh, absolutely. Yeah. It's constantly, it's all over the place. Yeah. Every menu.
There's like a small handful of things.
You know me, like I like more, way more things
than I don't like.
Way more, I know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Way more.
And like, there's so many restaurants that I'm like,
all right, the handful of things I don't like
include goat cheese and fennel.
And like, there's like restaurants you go to
and it's like, you can get goat cheese on your fennel
or fennel on your goat cheese.
Now we can produce a nice goat cheesecake with a fennel puree.
We could have steak covered in fennel on a bed of goat cheese, goat cheese with a nice
roasted chicken with a stuffed with fennel.
It's got fennel, of course, in there.
It's fucking, are you kidding me?
With those two ingredients, you can barely go anywhere.
And they're like the only two things I don't like.
They've come over to the table and this cocktail is on the house.
It's pureed fennel, goat cheese, and cognac.
You know what?
If they did it, I would be like, yeah, fuck it.
Give that to me.
You know what?
Because I think I would hate that enough
to come full circle.
I think I would hate that so hard
that I would fucking love it.
It's like a food vaccination
that you immediately love all of them again.
My safe word is pineapple juice.
Put your hands behind your back.
Palms up.
Put your hands behind your back.
Both hands.
It's warm.
Oh, watch your hands, boy.
Those are my quarters.
You want to put those in your pocket?
That is change. You know how long it took want to put those in your pocket? That is change
You know how long it took me to acquire those some of those are limited edition and watch your fingers booty hole, man I love this so much
WGN
Florida man tried to use fake
Florida man's the best Florida man tried tried to use fake COVID-19 sign
to dodge arrest, the sheriff says.
So this is basically what it is.
They were looking for this dude
and they're like,
they go up to his door
and he's just like,
I have COVID-19.
He put a sign on the door like,
Okay.
Ye shall not enter.
He put a sign on the door
and I want to describe this sign.
So first off,
the sign is written
clearly on something bumpy
because it's not on a flat surface
that he wrote this.
He put it on like a book
with texture on it
because the texture is transferred over
onto the sign.
So it is a textured,
he's right on a textured surface
with a ballpoint pen,
a blue ballpoint pen, I think.
He has, this is how it's spelled.
Capital C, middle size O, not sure.
Capital V, lowercase I, capital D.
Now, I want to talk about the I real quick before we continue.
Oh, yes, you have to.
So, what kind of psychopath puts a circle as a fucking dot to an eye?
You know, like you're a fucking psychopath if you do that.
There's something seriously wrong with you if you're circling your eye.
You are allowed to dot your eye with a circle if you're like a seventh grade girl.
Yes.
But if you're a grown ass man named Joshua with a fucking felony warrant,
you cannot dot your eye with a fucking circle.
with a fucking felony warrant.
You cannot dot your I with a fucking circle.
I would say,
I would say the moment
you are able to vote,
regardless of any kind of gender,
you should,
there's no more circle.
There's no more circle on the I.
I don't care.
You're not allowed to do it anymore.
You're an adult now.
You can,
you can either be drafted into war
or do the circle over your I.
Those are your two options.
You can't do any of this.
Like, is he going to use like,
like a heart for an ex-girlfriend?
I know.
Like, what?
Exactly.
Is he going to put a smiley face in his O here?
What the fuck is going on?
So the rest of the sign,
the rest of the sign is
lowercase I with a circle again,
psychopath.
Uppercase N,
uppercase F.
Extra uppercase F.
It's twice as big as all the other letters.
It's bigger than everything else.
Lowercase E-C-T-E-D.
So he did two in a row in uppercases,
and then he gave up.
Since is right.
Since is uppercase followed by the rest lowercase.
But it's handwritten, hand-scrawled,
taped to a store with electrical tape, hand-scrawled, and written over a couple times with ballpoint pen.
Clearly the work of a forger master.
Clearly the work.
Brilliant, except for that the sheriff had this to say.
Placing a fake COVID-19 sign on your door will not stop us from kicking it in when you have felony warrants for your arrest.
Okay, let's see here.
Toilet paper.
Toilet paper.
Toilet paper.
Toilet paper.
Toilet paper.
Toilet paper.
Toilet paper.
And toilet paper.
Hey, hey.
Now you kids be careful with this chewing gum.
Don't go sticking it under tables.
Okay.
Okay, toilet paper.
Toilet paper.
Toilet paper.
Oh, God.
This is some fucking comeuppance shit.
This is from Newsweek.
Oh, dude.
This is justice porn right here.
This is what this is.
Cecil, I grabbed this for you because I know how much you love comeuppance.
Oh, justice.
Man who bought $10,000 worth of toilet paper and hand sanitizer, denied a refund.
So this motherfucker bought, exactly as I said,
just a fucking metric shit ton of toilet paper and hand sanitizer.
And then when his eBay store got shut down
because he was trying to do some fucking profiteering bullshit,
he was like, well, now I have five figures worth of shitter paper and hand sanitizer.
And he goes to the store to return it and they're just like, no.
It's not worth the paper it's printed on, Tom.
Oh man, it's so good.
It's so good. It's so good. It's so fun to watch people
who are trying to exploit a situation get wrecked.
I mean, I think it's, you don't want to,
what you want is,
what happened when this started was there was panic
and people panic bought all kinds of things, right?
There was things that people panic bought
from food types to,
you know, when I first went to the store, you were talking about milk earlier, milk was all gone.
Bread was all gone. You know, there's people panic buying lots of different things.
Oh my God. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know, dude. I don't know what you're doing with
it. But anyway, there's this idea that people panic buy a lot of shit.
And toilet paper was one of those things that was out for a long time. And there was several videos of people loading truck fulls of toilet paper into their, you know, just, yeah. One guy
who had all those masks in New York got them all confiscated because he just bought a shit ton of
N95 masks that he was going to sell. Someone who had all those sanitizers had to donate them in
Pennsylvania because he just had all those hand sanitizers that he bought out from
all the different stores in all the entire area. And then they basically wouldn't let him sell them
on Amazon anymore because he was price gouging people. So these people are not, these are not
innocent actors. These are people who were going on, because here's the thing, that guy could sell
all that toilet paper and not make a lot of money, right? He could make a very small amount of money and do all that labor to send all that toilet paper to people essentially for free.
And it's not worth his dime.
So he doesn't want to do it.
Yeah.
If these guys bought all this shit and wanted to make, honestly, if they wanted to make something approaching a reasonable profit,
if they bought it and kicked up the price 10, 15, 20% and had
a nice little return on their investment because they happen to be ahead of like, yeah, ahead
of the psychology of the, of the market.
I don't know how much of a problem I would have with that.
The thing is like they're double, triple, quadruple more the price.
Yeah.
That's just straight.
That's just straight fucking people over.
It's gouging.
That's not seeing an opportunity and trying to capitalize.
It's not
the most ethical thing, but at a
reasonable markup, it's like,
alright, that's how the world works. Let's accept
it and move on. 10, 15, 20%.
That's what people did with iPhones.
That's what people did with iPhones when they first came out.
They sell them for more.
We have an entire stadium
sale of ticket process that works like that. That's how
you buy tickets nowadays to go anywhere. There's no longer a, you buy, because when I was a kid,
you used to stand in line at Ticketmaster. That's how you used to get tickets back in the day.
Have you? And now you don't do that. Have you tried to do that at all?
No. I bought, I got to tell you, so I bought tickets to see Tool. So Tool came to Chicago,
I don't know, about either six months or 300 years ago. I'm not sure.
150 years ago. Yeah.
So, but I did the thing like with Ticketmaster. So I had the Ticketmaster app and like,
I did this thing where you enter the waiting room. So like I knew what time they were going on sale
and now you don't like call and hang up and call and hang up and call and hang up or like wait in a line. Like now you get in a digital queue, right?
And I was all excited to see Tool. So like I knew when they were going on sale and I was like
ready. And like, I had my phone like on the app. And as soon as I could enter the queue,
the second Cecil, it let me enter the queue. I was like, and I entered the queue and it was like,
there are like 6,000 people before you. And I was like, how could that even be possible?
Like thousands and thousands and thousands. I bought those tickets. I mean, like I was like
a goddamn fucking mongoose striking a cobra. I was trying to be so fast. I bought tickets in the very last row of the United Center. I was so high up,
I was basically outside in the parking lot looking through a spyglass at that goddamn concert.
That is the only, and that's like how you buy tickets for face value now. Like, that's it.
Because bots are doing all the rest of it. Bots are just faster.
Yeah. Bots are faster, and there's that markup at like all those other places.
That's how you get tickets to places now. You don't get tickets like you used to.
No.
Where you used to just, you don't do that. Now it's just gouging. Now it's just constant gouging.
So, you know, that's how this works. And this guy got his fucking crazy comeuppance. And that's
awesome.
So I want to read this last part of the story, because speaking of justice,
this guy goes to return all this stuff, right?
And the manager of the grocery store says,
yeah, I had my first customer yesterday.
He said he wanted to get a refund on 150 packages of 32-pack toilet paper
and 150 units of one liter hand sanitizer.
And I told him that, Drake said, as he showed off his middle finger to the camera.
Fuck you.
Fuck you. You know what?
I'm about to say it.
I don't care
that you broke your elbow.
So this story comes from the Business Insider.
Police say commander of
neo-Nazi group linked to
plan attack on CNN
was 13 years
old. I
fucking love the internet so much.
Like the internet is the fucking,
like this is so great.
It's like,
rah, we're going to fucking get him
and like this,
we're going to rally behind
Jim Bob 630897
Commander Strike Force, whatever.
And it's some fucking 13 year old.
You know how he got the job?
He was playing Xbox Live
and he could call anybody the N-word super fast.
And so he got the job.
Really, really.
I mean, like, that's the application system for the job.
They're following a 13-year-old.
That shows you how fucking immature your mindset is
if you could be easily led by a 13 year old i this is
like this is fucking everything these fucking neo-nazi clown shoe ass motherfuckers are just
like well this leader this great fucking thought leader around our fucking white supremacist
ideology is fucking that's an eighth grader that's not even high grader. That's not even high school. I know. He's not even high school yet.
That's amazing. That kid just smells bad. Like that's somebody like, that's a 13. Like you're
not even showering on your own without your mom telling you anymore. Oh God. 13 years old. And
he's your leader. He's your leader. He's 13. Oh my God. He can't even cook himself
food.
He
wants a fucking yogurt cup
out of the fridge.
He still gets an allowance,
man.
13, you can't even
get a work permit. How the
fuck are you supposed to be the commander
of a neo-Nazi army?
You'd be like, oh, wait a minute, guys.
It's nine o'clock. I'm at my
curfew. I can't kill black people
anymore.
What a dumbass.
My mom's going to be so mad
at me.
Let me tell you,
all those fucking dipshits
out there that would follow this person.
This is exactly who you're following, is a child.
That's exactly who you're following.
Because whether it's a child that's 13 or it's a 50-year-old, you know,
fucking giant fucking beard, rebel flag shirt, gun-carrying dipshit,
who also is of the same exact mindset.
It's an immature mindset.
Yeah, it's the same guy.
And that's why this kid,
that's why this kid excelled
because those people
that are in this mindset,
they haven't grown up yet.
Yeah, they can't.
They literally cannot tell the difference.
They're online
and they cannot tell the difference
between a jackass and a fucking baby.
He's Tyler Durden.
Yeah.
Right.
It's exactly it.
It's like, you know, maybe when you was a little kid, maybe stole a bag of potato chips.
That might be like a $6 fine.
So you got to give him back $6.
Lying.
Every time you lie, $10.
Murder.
Murder. That's the worst one.
$100,000.
Masturbation?
Masturbation?
$0.35 would be my guess.
That's the cheapest sin.
But it's a can of Manta Up, you know,
the credit of the time.
35, 35, 35, 35, 35, 35.
So I promise this story
is not actually an ad.
This is a story from Mashable.
You can find it on the notes. Sex toy sales are skyrocketing is not actually an ad. This is a story from Mashable.
You can find it on the notes.
Sex toy sales are skyrocketing because of social distancing.
And I'm just going to go ahead and read part of this.
The weeks of social distancing are dragging on.
We see our friends on Zoom and treat our hinge matches like we're in some Austenian courtship.
After a while, though, video chats and sex just don't cut it. And I thought this was funny.
Many of us turn to
masturbating as if our audience
has to turn to masturbating.
I like that you're just sitting at home,
you're smoking your pipe, drinking your tea,
and you're thinking, what can I do right now?
Is there something I can do
other than this right now?
So, sex toy sales
are fucking jumping through the roof. And this
article talks about adamandeve.com. And I say, this is because of you guys. This is our listeners.
Their sales are up 30%. Thank you. 30 fucking percent. And if you want to get a sex toy and
you should, here's the thing, right? Like, right? There's good ways to stimulate the economy.
And if you go to adamandeve.com, you could get 50% off almost any item, a bunch of free stuff,
and you get free shipping. And all you have to do is enter the code word GLORY at checkout.
Adam and Eve is our sponsor. It's the sponsor of the show. We don't have, we've had one or two sponsors in the past, but
Adam and Eve has been a steadfast sponsor
of this show. We would love
it if you would use our code
if you're going to go to Adam and Eve.
It pays Ian's salary.
Remember, every time you think
of your sex toy, think
Ian.
Whenever you bust out
that wastly wabbit or...
I got to find out
what Ian's middle name is
so I can name all the sex toys.
I'm just going to encourage
everybody to just
masturbate with a Grammy.
Just figure out some way
to just masturbate
with a Grammy.
Bang it out three times.
Or masturbate with your Grammy.
You know what I mean? Whatever works for you at AdamandEve.com, bang it out three times. Or masturbate with your Grammy. You know what I mean?
Whatever works for you
at AdamandEve.com.
Do it over social distancing.
You're Zooming Grammy.
Hey, everybody.
This next clip comes from
our recent live stream
on April 23rd of 2020.
We live stream every Thursday
at 9 p.m. Central.
And this week, we're going to be
streaming exclusively to YouTube.com
slash DisadvancePod. So, see you there.
Alright, here we go.
Let's play just a clip.
Just the tip of
Pat Robertson. Pat Robertson
blames coronavirus on same
sex marriage. Here we go.
Oh God, look at this guy. It's a minute 14.
Jesus Christ. Oh we go. Oh God, look at this guy. It's a minute 14. Jesus Christ.
Oh my God.
Right?
He's fucking melting.
He is genuinely like,
when you get old enough and your
head starts to sink into your body
like a turtle, it's just
slowly melting into the
rest of you. He looks like
carving a face into an apple. looks like carving a face into an apple.
You ever carve a face into an apple and let it like,
it just goes and like curls up?
Yeah, let it rot.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah, no, he's definitely a rotting apple.
God damn.
Also, also, I mean,
he kind of looks like Ruth Bader Ginsburg here a little.
Cecil, did you ever see the video that was out like, I don't know, maybe eight or
nine years back of him, like leg pressing 500 pounds. Oh yeah. I did see that where he was on
like one of those slidey presses where he was, where you can move a trillion pounds, like no
problem where you can, you can move a whole car and it, cause it's, cause it's mechanically
helping you to push it all up. Yeah. Right. All right. Let's play this. Here we go.
Helping you to push it all up.
Yeah.
Right.
All right. Let's play this.
Here we go.
This is John Pat who says, Pat, last week you were talking about COVID-19.
You quoted Chronicles 714.
How can God heal our land and forgive the sins when abortion and same-sex marriage are laws and many people are anti-Israel?
Doesn't this prevent his healing and forgiveness?
I love that God is just up there thinking, you know what?
As long as there's an anti-Israel
person in America, I ain't fixing that
COVID stuff. That ain't happening.
I ain't doing it. I'm sorry.
I'm not going to fix it in the
whole world because of what
America does.
You know what? I'm just going to go
and I'm going to start at a different place
and then it's going to move across the whole world for a little while now before it gets
to America. And then I'm not going to fix it because of what America does. What the fuck?
All right. We got a bunch of new patrons. And one of my favorites, one of my new favorites
is someone who I became friends with on Facebook.
This is Matthew.
And Matthew, he's part of a group that I belong to.
And I remember Matthew because Matthew gave us, Tom,
and you will remember Matthew when I tell you what he did.
He gave us donuts at ReasonCon.
Yes.
He gave us bacon donuts. Do you remember this? I do. So Matthew gave us donuts. ThisCon. Yes. He gave us bacon donuts.
Do you remember this?
I do.
So Matthew gave us donuts.
This is like ReasonCon 1.
This is a while ago, right?
So he gave us donuts.
And when he gave us the donuts,
we got a chance to meet him.
And so I saw his name on Facebook
in a group I belong to.
And I thought,
oh, I should friend that guy.
I know him.
I've met him in person.
I know him.
And so I sent him a message.
And I guess he keeps his friend list to a very paired round number of 666.
He said to me, he said, I have to let somebody go if I'm going to be your friend. He private messaged me. He said, so I let Richard Carrier go. I said, what I just read is Cecil is superior to Richard Carrier.
And he said, that is exactly it.
So his patron name is Matthew says Cecil is superior to Richard Carrier.
And that's why.
It's because I kicked Richard Carrier off his friends list.
And we still thank you.
We still thank you, Matthew, for those donuts.
And when you're in Chicago, I will take you to Stan's Donuts.
I promise we'll buy you a Stan's Donuts,
which are superior to Danish in every way.
So let's get all our patrons.
Matthew says Cecil is superior
to Professor Carrier.
Simon,
Cram Glass,
Mike,
Dave,
Anna,
Lefty and Augie Jack,
Julie,
Mitchell,
Bull,
Wee Wees,
Pascal,
Emma, and the Silent Sufferers. Nathan, Mitchell, Bull, Wee Wees, Pascal, Emma, and the Silent Sufferers, Nathan, Kevin, Matt,
Louise, Damian, Tommy, Rich, Karsten, Chris, Joseph. I thought it was a patron already.
I like that. I saw that one this week. That's a great one. That one made me laugh. I love that one. And the thing is,
I know the person
who is behind that patron name.
And he's a dear friend of mine
from a group I belong to.
And so I want to thank him
for being a patron again.
Thank you.
Steven, Rhyme Time,
Luis, Evan,
Peter and Kathy, Dion, Dave, and then people who up their pledges, Bran, Regina, Karen, Matt, Nicholas, Phillip, Steve, Lisa, Steeljaw Panda, Jose,
and Catherine. Thanks so much for your generous donations. We really do truly appreciate it. Every day in every call, I hear about
downsizing in my higher ed business. And so I'm very grateful that people are able to donate
and to give us some kind of a safety net for the work that we put in for this show. So we want to
thank you so much for donating. And now's a great time if you have some extra money and you are not in crisis from COVID, we would really appreciate you becoming
a patron. You get a lot of extra stuff and we love our patrons. Yeah, I got to say thank you guys.
It's a tremendous amount of comfort to know that Cecil and I have this safety net that we may need this to support our
families. So having you guys step up the last few weeks and really kind of come to the table and
become patrons and up your patrons, it means the world to us both. So we're very grateful to you.
So I got a message from Kevin and Kevin contacted us through Facebook and he said,
he said, hey, I just started listening to your podcast. I was listening to the March 23rd episode where you're talking about the Netherlands and how the Netherlands was going
to give 90% of people's pay to people who live in the Netherlands if they lost their job.
And the thing is, is that he's saying that their tax rate is over 50% of their income.
And I didn't mention that. And so he wanted to make sure that I was
covering my bases there to actually mention that they pay him more in taxes. Now I responded with,
I think that the Netherlands having a higher tax rate feels like common knowledge to me.
So if you didn't know, if you're an listener to this show and you didn't know that the Netherlands
pay a higher tax rate when I mentioned that, please send me a message so I can know whether or not I'm incorrect. Because it feels like
something that would be common knowledge. But if it's not, I want to mention it because I don't
want to mislead people to think that they're paying less money. They are paying more money,
but they also have a significantly better social safety net. And
they're really not paying that much more money than we are. They're paying more money, but not
by a lot. It's almost like if you pay more in taxes, then you can get significantly higher
value in return for that tax. Exactly. And that is an equation that all countries have to decide upon for themselves. What tax burden is acceptable and what is the return you demand on that additional tax burden?
So that's an entirely fair conversation countries are always juggling.
We got a message from Jess on Patreon, and this is something we missed last week.
We were talking about Voltron, Tom.
Voltron not only starts out as lions
turns into
the big
bitey foot
bitey hand
bitey face
lion
yep
man
automaton
he also
draws a sword
but then he finally
when his final form
goes blazing sword
and we forgot about blazing sword
I forgot about blazing sword totally forgot about it I missed it I goes blazing sword. And we forgot about blazing sword. I forgot about blazing sword.
Totally forgot about it.
I missed it.
I love blazing sword.
It's when you punch the horse,
the horse falls over.
It's really great.
That's a donkey punch, Tom.
That's different.
Okay.
So we got a message.
This is from Jim.
And Jim just wanted to let us know
Sioux Falls was one of the first
cities in the U S to roll out five G. Wow. That's amazing. Quotations around cities,
please. Okay. You have five G good for you. Yeah. Both of your users have excellent internet.
You have as many G's as you have tumbleweeds in your front yard. Great.
Many Gs as you have tumbleweeds in your front yard.
Great.
But Cecil, real quick, let's play a game.
Guess the population of Seasquares.
You want to play?
Okay, I'm going to try.
I'm going to try.
160,000.
You were very close.
181,000.
Wow.
181,000.
About 20,000 less than the tiny ex-herb that I live in.
I live in a suburb so far from the city center that I am an ex-herb.
If you get any further, there's nothing but corn
and you're no longer considered the metropolitan region.
I'm 40 some miles.
You have to name your kid Malachi,
two blocks west of you.
180, the big city of Sioux Falls.
It's a big city.
Do you remember we were in,
I know we might've mentioned this before,
but we were in Michigan
and we ran into a militia guy
who had a cannon.
And when we talked about,
we talked about,
we had mentioned we were from Chicago and they said, oh, I can't go to the big city.
I don't even like Grand Rapids.
Grand Rapids.
Grand Rapids is too big.
I don't like going into the big city.
It's too big for me.
Grand Rapids, Michigan, my friend.
Grand Rapids might have a McDonald's.
Grand Rapids, which I actually. Grand Rapids,
which I actually like Grand Rapids.
I think it's a cool little city.
Population is 200,000.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Matthew sent in a message
and he sent in a story.
This is from the Daily Wire.
Social shredding.
Defiant residents grab shovels,
dirt bikes after Cali authorities
dump tons of sand in the skate parks for social
distancing. So it looks like the California authorities just dumped a bunch of sand into
the skate parks so they couldn't skate or ride their bikes through the quarter pipes there.
I will say this, he's asking for our thoughts. I will say this, if there is a stay at home order,
he's asking for our thoughts. I will say this. If there is a stay-at-home order,
then they should find ways to stop people from congregating if they aren't listening to the stay-at-home order. And if that stay-at-home order means finding people, if it means stopping
people from entering parks like they did in Chicago with the tape, you're not allowed to
enter the parks because they put yellow tape there and people are mostly, for the most part, listening, then they should do
those things. Because it's not just about you. It's about the people you can infect. It's about
the other people that you can hurt because you want to hang out with other people. And the first
weekend here in Chicago where they put the stay-at-home order in and you're allowed to go for
a walk, I was walking, going for a walk, social distancing, and saw an entirely full skate park of kids.
So people weren't social distancing. So I think that if you're going to have to enforce it,
you should try to enforce it. I don't see any problem with dumping sand in the middle of a
skate park if that slows you down from being there. Look, I'm sympathetic to hating the stay-at-home order,
but if you don't want a longer stay-at-home order, you have to respect the one that we have.
I fucking hate it, but I also recognize the necessity for it and the desire for the stay-at-home
order to end sooner. If you want the stay-at-home order to drag on, don't do the stay-at-home part.
Exactly.
We got an image from Aaron.
It's just wrong. I'm going to post
it on this week's show notes, but it's pretty wrong.
It's pretty rough. It's pretty wrong.
We also got a video, and a bunch of people
have been sending this to us. This is Kenneth Copeland's
Wind of God remix when he
banished the coronavirus
from the United States.
And you can tell when Kenneth Copeland did this a couple weeks ago
because we had no more cases of coronavirus since then.
Yeah, that's so...
Yeah, fucking...
He dusted his fucking hands off after this happened.
The fucking howdy-doody looking motherfucker.
Anyway, that guy, they did a remix video of this.
We're going to post it on this week's show notes.
It's actually really funny.
And Tony is from Rogers Park, Tony.
In Rogers Park. Hope you're social distancing up there. Got a bunch of messages this last week from people who were asking me about the trip
that I talked about. I lost some money on a trip and a bunch of people making suggestions. I have
done most of the things that people have said, but I want to thank everybody for sending in messages
and offering me some sort of advice on how to fix
the trip that I went on. We got a nice long message from Liz who was saying, basically,
don't use third-party sites because hotel workers hate third-party sites. And I got to tell you,
the only reason I use the third-party site on this, and I normally don't because I have rewards
cards with some hotels. And so I normally get a pretty good rate with some hotels.
The problem is, is I was going overseas and I was on TripAdvisor. And when I was clicking the button,
the rate was right there. And it's like, it would say the rate and I would click the button and it
would take me to, and it turned out to be Expedia. And so Expedia was the place that was giving the
cheap rate, but I just never really thought to shift away from that to
get the rate somewhere else. Right. And how the hell was I supposed to know we were going to
cancel the trip? I mean, when you make a trip like this, especially when you're spending that kind of
money, it never entered my mind that we wouldn't be on this trip. One of us would die, I think,
would have for us to think that we wouldn't. I mean, seriously, if you're spending that kind
of money, you don't think ahead of time, oh, well, we might just not be on this trip. You don't think like that.
And I made the mistake this time of doing it, but I won't do that again. I won't use the third
party sites again to do it. I'll just go to hotel sites and just go directly to hotel sites and use
them like I do with airlines. That's what I do with airlines now. And I haven't used a third
party airline site in forever because of the bad situation I've had with those. And so I'll do the same with hotels.
And if I have to pay a little extra, I pay a little extra. It's just the way it works.
So this next week, we are going to be trying a new... We tried this week. We had a great time
on Twitch. So we just did Twitch. We just did Twitch.
There's a couple streaming issues,
and Twitch is sometimes a little not great if you're not a partner.
We are now going to try a new one,
because we wanted to see how well we would do on Twitch.
Twitch turned out to be a great
forum for a lot of people to talk
and chit-chat with each other.
It's great, because everybody's in the same chat room
together.
The problem with what we're doing when we have these communities spread out all over into
different places is we can read all your chats, right? Because we're running on Restream. So I
can read what somebody on Facebook says, and I can read what somebody on YouTube says, but they
can't read what each other say. And on Twitch, we were able to put everybody in the same chat room
together. And so they were all able to chat
with each other at the same time.
And that's what the important part of the community is.
So next week, we're going to be live streaming
just like we normally were,
but we're going to try YouTube next week.
So we're going to start everywhere
and then we're going to shift to YouTube.
We hope you join us for these live streams.
We're having a great time.
These last couple of weeks,
we are just dying laughing and having an absolute blast. It's been a great time. So we're really looking
forward to having a bigger and bigger audience doing the live piece. It's just extra content,
extra produced content that you guys can go check out. So we'd love to have more people hop over.
Yeah. And we think we have kind of a bitchin' setup. So you guys should check it out. If you've
never checked them out before, you should check it out like it's not just
a couple of guys on webcams it's
a little better than that so you should check
it out if you haven't seen it before it's actually
we're pretty proud of our setup but we're gonna be
on YouTube next week 9pm central you can
find us in the other places but we're gonna shift you over
to YouTube in a few minutes after we start
so please come check us out
but that is gonna wrap it up for
this week we'll be back next week.
And we're going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed.
Credulity is not a virtue.
It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit.
Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative,
acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal,, pseudo, quasi, alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized,
stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch,
late night info docutainment, Leo Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage,
death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens Churches, mosques, and synagogues Temples, dragons, giant worms
Atlantis, dolphins, truthers
Birthers, witches, wizards
Vaccine nuts
Shaman healers, evangelists
Conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata
Nonsense
Expose your sides
Thrust your hands
Bloody, evidential, conclusive, doubt even this.
The opinions and information provided on this podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only.
All opinions are solely that of Glory Hole Studios, LLC.
Cognitive dissonance makes no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information
and will not be liable for any errors, damages, or butthurt arising from consumption. All information is provided on an as-is basis. No refunds. Produced in
association with the local Dairy Council and viewers like you.