Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 521: Meat Singles In Your Area

Episode Date: April 27, 2020

Stories from the Week   Kenneth Copeland REMIX!  ...

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from split glory holes that's-dick glory hole for those interested, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence, and particularly irreverence, to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political. And there is no welcome mat. This is episode 521.
Starting point is 00:01:11 Cecil, how's your pandemic, buddy? So far, so good. You know, can't complain. Oh, man. Going anywhere nice recently? I did go to the store the other day, and I had a realization when I was at the store. I was walking through,
Starting point is 00:01:29 and most of the stuff was there. There was, for the most part, things were there. I got my first, since everything started, I got my first pack of toilet paper, which I was excited about. Oh, we got ours last week, too.
Starting point is 00:01:41 First time I got a chance, I walked into the store, and there was actually toilet paper. They did have a thing on there that said, you can only take one, but there was enough toilet, now it was off-brand toilet paper, don't care.
Starting point is 00:01:53 It was 12 rolls of it. And so I was excited to get 12 rolls of toilet paper because we were on our last roll of toilet paper. All right, I was a little luckier. I'm in the burbs. So, you know, I got Charmin, I got a 36 pack or whatever. look at you i you know fucking luxuries out here in the sticks i was tempted to take a shit right there you know just a celebratory mid-aisle shit and then when you're
Starting point is 00:02:18 done just pick one piece of toilet paper up and just make it rain on the shit just spinning it over and over and over and it makes a big pile right there. Oh my God. So we got that. And then the other day, we still cannot get a spray cleaner. So you can't get any like Lysol or what is it? You can get essential oil cleaners.
Starting point is 00:02:38 You can. You can get like all the bullshit. All the seventh generation is right there. All that fucking like rub-a-dub-dub citrus peel shit. Exactly. It's so nice for your skin. And the coronavirus is like, feed me, Seymour. And you're just like, I need a good one.
Starting point is 00:02:54 I need something that's going to kill me if I get too much on me. That's what I want. I want something that could absolutely damage me if I'm in a spill. We are at a place now where those same people that were like, I clean my house with the scent of baby oil. They're now using the same toxic sludge from fucking RoboCop.
Starting point is 00:03:14 They're just like, put it in a spray bottle. Spray it on everything. They touch their house and it just melts like that guy at the end of the road. It just falls over. No, but yeah, it's the same thing. Those people were saying, oh, you know what I do is I just put a little bit of lemon juice
Starting point is 00:03:29 and spritz the air and everything's clean. No, no. What I want, I'm going to mix ammonia and bleach. I don't care if it kills me. I am fumigating the house with fucking mustard gas. I don't give a shit. But anyway, so we can't get cleaner. So any of the 409, Formula 409, none of the formulas from zero to 409 are available. They're all unavailable right now. There's also dishwashing tabs were
Starting point is 00:03:59 mostly out. There's a few, but they're not all there. Yeah. Dishwashing tabs, but there's still plenty of like squeezable dishwasher. So we're, we're lazy in our quarantine in the city. I'm not squeezing anything. Get out of here. I just want to put a tab in there. Good. Squeezing. I haven't been working out this whole time. And then there's the other thing I noticed that was gone. You know, most of the food is there, meats and different kinds of cheeses. And then you're talking about any of the dry goods mostly there. The thing that's missing is all the frozen goods.
Starting point is 00:04:35 Still, all our frozen goods, if you walk down the frozen goods aisle, they're all gone. And it occurred to me that when you're in the city and you live in the city, you have such great options for eating out that when it suddenly comes time to actually have to stay home and cook, you don't know what you're doing. So you just went, oh, fuck, what do I make? Well, I guess I'll just grab all of these swanson frozen dinners and I'm now eating fucking Salisbury steak every night or whatever, but they're all gone. Everything's gone. I don't eat any of that stuff normally. So when I walk by it, I just look and marvel at the case that's empty,
Starting point is 00:05:11 but all that prepared food that you heat up in the oven type stuff is all gone. There is still bags of vegetables and all that stuff still there, but it's the pre-made food is almost all gone at every place I've been to in downtown Chicago. Okay. Wildly different experience out in the suburbs. It's fucking hilarious. The random shit is shit is just there or not there. And I think it's just like, it's like somebody like closed their eyes and spun around and pointed and it's like empty
Starting point is 00:05:43 that aisle. And then, and then the next one is overflowing with a fucking cornucopia of goods. Like we had toilet paper. It wasn't like, oh my God, so much toilet paper, but there was toilet paper, a couple of different options. You could get some shitter paper. First time in weeks and weeks, right? But it was there. Two weeks ago, milk, not a problem. Eggs, not a problem.
Starting point is 00:06:07 Last week, shit you not, I go to the store, there's a sign on the door, and this is what the sign said by the milk. Limit 10 gallons per customer. What? 10 gallons. What are you doing with milk? 10 gallons. Like, what kind of crazy fucking dugger fucking life do you live where you're like, only 10 gallons every time you shop? Not 10 gallons this year, 10 gallons this month, but like 10 gallons of milk is a fucking shit. 80 pounds of milk. What now?
Starting point is 00:06:48 What are you doing? You're at home. You walk in the kitchen and your wife is just pouring it on herself. Like what is happening in your world? Like what the fuck? Limit 10 gallons. And Cecil, I shit you not. Limit 10 gallons is amazing.
Starting point is 00:07:06 I took a picture and sent it to my wife. It looked like bears, milk bears, had ravaged the milk. Gone, huh? It was like, Haley needs lactose-free milk, right? Because her body is broken and can't have regular stuff. Sure.
Starting point is 00:07:21 So there was a lactose-free milk left. And it was on its side with an arrow sticking through it, flames everywhere. It was apocalyptic. The milk situation. You know what else the situation was dire? The frozen pizza situation. Yeah, that's all gone here too. So weird because all the rest of the frozen goods that you were mentioning are there. Right. And I never buy frozen pizza.
Starting point is 00:07:48 It's just that the kids wanted pizza and I was feeling cheap. So I was like, I'll buy you some fucking tombstones and like easy peasy. They're like three, four bucks. I don't have to order out. So I go to get tombstones. There's a million Cecil, a fucking million Jack's Cheese Pizzas. There are no Tombstone pizzas of any stripe or variety. And there are no pepperoni pizzas whatsoever.
Starting point is 00:08:17 It's so, but if you wanted motherfucking Jack's Cheese Pizza, you could literally buy hundreds of them. There were cases like overflowing. motherfucking Jack's cheese pizza. You could literally buy hundreds of them. There were cases like overflowing, like just, it's so fucking random. What's there and what is not there? I cannot figure it out for the life of me. You can have all the eggs you want if they're brown.
Starting point is 00:08:38 Like if you want, like what? Fuck it. I get it. The brown ones are more expensive because nature or fucking whatever, like white eggs don't, nature is good or whatever. But like, you can have all of them that you want if they're brown. You can have none of the milk, no pepperoni. It's just the most random shit that the store is just out of. It is crazy. But I went to the store one time this week and I try to go maybe once or twice a week
Starting point is 00:09:08 if I can. And it just depends on the... It's weird because you can't predict like you used to. When I was in Chicago before, it was eight o'clock on Saturday night. There's never a soul in the store. You could go at eight o'clock on Saturday night and you're the only person in there. You could close your eyes, get on the back of the cart like a fucking scooter and go as fast as you can down the aisle, banging your side and
Starting point is 00:09:36 knocking fucking cereal fucking boxes into the air and it wouldn't matter. Nobody's there. There's nobody there. Like you listen softly and you hear the whistling sound of Western movies and a tumbleweed. It's there. There's nobody there. Like you listen softly and you hear the whistling sound of Western movies and a tumbleweed. It's insane. Fucking tumbleweeds are rolling through the aisles. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:52 Now it's crazy. Now it's just insane. Like it's no matter what time I go, there's always a crowd. There's always people there. My dad is like the last person in the world that should be leaving his house right now, right? is like the last person in the world that should be leaving his house right now, right? Like my dad is like 72, health problems, COPD, former fucking heavy smoker for 50 years. Like the last, and like, he's like, well, I call him to check in. Well, I went to the store and I'm like, why are you going to the store at all? Get it delivered. And he'll say like, well well they don't have everything i want i'm like
Starting point is 00:10:26 when you went to the store did they have everything that you wanted you know exactly right and i'm like they could dad just hear you like can you hear you right now i'm staying look i want to be like everyone else is staying inside to protect you or some version of you. And then you're not staying inside. Then why am I staying inside? Like, what? You want your busy bee? Get your busy bee. You get the busy bee.
Starting point is 00:10:54 I need to trim her whiskers. It's in the crate. Where is it? It's in the crate. Where in the crate? It's not in here. It's not in here. It should be in the crate.
Starting point is 00:11:03 It's not in the crate. I just told you that. God, Hamilton. If she doesn't get a door, she's going to in here. It should be in the crate. It's not in the crate. I just told you that You left it at the hotel you go back and you get her busy me go to the hotel and get busy me Run run Go mommy's getting your toy. Don't you worry? No, we just had a little we had a little discussion Look at me. Look at me. Don't look at anybody else. Don't look at the fat ass losers or freaks. You look at me. I know we're not supposed to do a lot of politics, but this is just fucking ridiculous.
Starting point is 00:11:31 The title makes this. The title makes this. I know. I know. Former Labradoodle breeder. Oh, God. It's because Labradoodle was tapped to lead U.S. pandemic task force. It's Labradoodle in the United States,
Starting point is 00:11:46 but in Spain, it's Poodledor. I got to say, by the way, Labradoodle, fucking amazingly cute dogs. Are they? Dude, they look like fucking teddy bears.
Starting point is 00:11:59 They don't even look real. They're like Labrador sized, but with like curly golden hair and like stupid, like ridiculous. They don't shed, which is like a real advantage to them. Or they shed very little. They're pretty smart, but they look like motherfucking walking teddy bears. They're fucking ridiculously cute. They're amazing. So I want to read directly from this article, lest this article seem, from Reuters, by the way, like it is blowing things out of proportion.
Starting point is 00:12:31 Shortly after his televised comments, Azar tapped at a trusted aide with minimal public health experience to lead the agency's day-to-day response to COVID-19. So Azar is the secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services, right? Right.
Starting point is 00:12:50 Okay. And the Department of Health and Human Services is enormous. It's like a $1.3 trillion budget. So like, that guy doesn't do the work. He appoints people to do things underneath him.
Starting point is 00:13:01 Sure. The guy he appointed, this motherfucking guy, this aide, Brian Harrison, had joined the department after running a dog breeding business for six years. Five, five sources say officials in the White House derisively called him the dog breeder. Look, guys, I'm not shitting on dog breeders. No, noers no but like that in no way qualifies you to handle the day-to-day operations of a fucking pandemic response doesn't it feel like such a random
Starting point is 00:13:34 profession to all the professions you could pick it just feels like a random like just it's like it's almost like someone mad lived it yeah it. Yeah, it's exactly like somebody, uh, give me a profession, labradoodle breeder. Like, for fucking reasons. You're trying to be random at that point. You're going out of your way. It's like family guy montage cutaway. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:13:56 Yeah. Like, at what point is the guy just like, um, we offered the virus a treat. We called it a treater. Treater? Want a treater? Treater? Treat?
Starting point is 00:14:09 Treat? Treater? That didn't work. We tried to clicker train the virus. Nope. We've just moved on to studding the virus out to other breeders.
Starting point is 00:14:23 You know, we ended up breeding a lot of virus. I may have gotten the job wrong. You know, maybe that is what they wanted. They wanted somebody who would recognize when the virus spread. Oh, God. For fuck's sake. For fuck's sake.
Starting point is 00:14:42 We're going to hire the best people. Nothing but the best people. You'll be tired of how best the people are. It's been like that the whole time. It's so sad. And it's all just crazy nepotism, right? Right. The reason why this guy has this job is because somebody knew somebody who knew somebody who said,
Starting point is 00:14:59 this Labradoodle Breeder is your guy? You know, I make a lot of money in the Labradoodle game. I'm not going to lie. But I am willing to take a sweet, sweet government job. Why would you? Here's the other thing, Cecil. If somebody, I think I'm a reasonably bright guy. But I know that I'm not smart enough to lead the day-to-day operations for a pandemic response team.
Starting point is 00:15:21 Sure. Because I don't know anything about pandemic response. Sure. pandemic response team because I don't know anything about pandemic response. So somebody was like, Tom, would you like this sweet ass job leading the pandemic response? I would say, no. What? Why are you saying that? Because any other response is horrifying. Would you take that job, Cecil? Gosh, no. There's no way. There's no way. You know what else I'm not? I'm not a helicopter pilot. Yeah. Because I don't know how to fly helicopters.
Starting point is 00:15:48 Maybe they were just so confident in him because he kept on saying, Labradoodle-doo! Labradoodle-doo! I tried Labracadabra, a variation. Labracadabra! What is happening in the world? Why are we doing this? This is it.
Starting point is 00:16:09 When your grandma dies, it's because somebody said labracadabra. The thing, Thomas, I've seen all the apocalypse movies. There's never a labradoodle breeder. There just isn't. There just isn't. Like, there isn't a labradoodle breeder hiding his arm behind his back with a bite mark pretending that everything's okay until later when he eats a baby like that doesn't happen that doesn't happen where's the labradoodle breeder in world war z where's he at
Starting point is 00:16:38 like put the fucking cure for the fucking virus in a kong and they're like bouncing it around trying to shake the fucking vaccine out, lick it between the fucking peanut butter or whatever. Okay. That guy is just like, he's just walking around with a big thing of Jeff spreading it on stuff for the dog to lick. I tried everything I know.
Starting point is 00:17:02 Problem is I don't fucking know anything about this. Why don't you just hit the fucking coronavirus to the rolled up newspaper, you idiot? Okay, here's the thing, guys. We tried rubbing its nose in it. That got a lot more people sick. That was a terrible idea. Didn't work.
Starting point is 00:17:19 Wow, what a bad idea that was. Really don't know anything about this. No idea why I have this job. Listen to me, Randy. It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside, whether you're white or black or Sasquatch even. As long as you follow your dream, no matter how crazy or against the law it is,
Starting point is 00:17:40 except for Sasquatch. If you're Sasquatch, the rules are different. All right, so this story has nothing to do with anything. It's from fox56.com, but it's amazing. I love everything about this story. I'm just going to read parts of it.
Starting point is 00:17:54 This is still, things are, weird things, Tom, are still happening. I love, this is why I have faith that America will never change. I take that for exactly what it is.
Starting point is 00:18:06 Large group. Large group. I love that it's a large group. Large group busted for meat market theft after leaving trail of meat behind. There's just one set of meat footprints and like six guys carrying the other guy. I was thinking more like, you walk up and you got your magnifying glass out, you pull your magnifying glass out
Starting point is 00:18:34 and you just see like a string of kielbasa leading away to like sausages leading away and the person's following the sausage. They're walking there seems to Watson there seems to be a trail of meat here
Starting point is 00:18:49 what was stolen meat should we follow the meat just follow the drop imagine if they called in like the canine unit
Starting point is 00:18:59 the dog's like I've been waiting for this job my whole life the dog is just burying evidence. So he can save it for later. Roro. I know where the meat is.
Starting point is 00:19:16 It's just a fucking dog eating a bunch of Scoopy snacks. So explain what happened here. So just a trail of meat. They stole a bunch of meat right i just i'm just gonna read part of this because it's fucking amazing right so around 4 30 a.m tuesday which i fucking you gotta want it uh tuesday vasalia police officers responded to a burglary at the halisco meat market when officers arrived they detained one adult and a boy under the age of 18 leaving the business. Officers followed a trail of meat into a nearby apartment
Starting point is 00:19:50 where they found more people that were involved. Detectives executed a search warrant. I fucking cannot imagine how wonderful it would have been to be like both signing off and requesting that search warrant. You have to specify what you're looking for. Oh, and you go to the judge, you to be like both signing off and requesting that search form. Oh, gosh. Because you have to specify
Starting point is 00:20:05 what you're looking for. Oh, and you go to the judge and you'd be like, my warrant has a first name. It's OSCAL. Oh, God. Oh, gosh. Jesus.
Starting point is 00:20:20 Well, you know, can you imagine like, you're like, all right, I'm looking for a lady. I know it's a meat market out there. I'm looking to meet up.
Starting point is 00:20:36 Meat signal, ladies. Oh my God. Jesus, dude. my God. Oh, Jesus, dude. Oh, God. So detectives executed a search warrant at the home and found six adults and five minors connected to the burglary. Overall, 13 people were arrested for the crime.
Starting point is 00:20:58 Detectives found some of the stolen meat being cooked. So they're just like, everybody's just like super high or something. Who wants a fee? Yeah, right? How fucking wasted are you that're just like, everybody's just like super high or something. Who wants a, yeah, right? How fucking wasted are you that you're like, it's 4.30 in the morning. We need a barbecue. We just straight up need to barbecue. More, more or less wasted than
Starting point is 00:21:15 stopping at a White Castle. Which one would you have to be more or less wasted at that point? Police say the kitchen at the home was filled with food so the thieves weren't stealing meat out of desperation. That's the other part I like. They're just like,
Starting point is 00:21:28 they stole it for choice. Yeah, they're just like, well, they stole it for prime, probably. It wasn't choice. They selected,
Starting point is 00:21:36 yeah, exactly. You're skipping over selected choice. You're going right over the prime. Come on down to Cleveland town,
Starting point is 00:21:43 everyone. Under construction since 1868. See our river that catches on fire. It's so polluted that all our fish have AIDS. We see the sun almost three times a year. This guy has at least two DU odds. It could be worse, though. At least we're not Detroit.
Starting point is 00:22:03 We're not Detroit. This story comes from MSN. Six tourists were found self-isolating in a cave near an Indian town made famous by the Beatles after running out of money for hotels. What now? Yeah, okay. So when we're doing wacky stories, we just have to read some of the wacky stories because, yeah. Six foreign tourists self-isolated in a cave near a northern Indian town after they ran out of money to pay for hotel rooms. Police said the four men and two women from France, Turkey, Ukraine, the United States,
Starting point is 00:22:37 and Nepal. That is a fucking international coalition of homelessness. That's what that is. International Coalition of Homelessness. Yeah, no kidding. That's what that is. But it's like a fucking mini UN. What the fuck, man? They're playing model UN, but they forgot to like build the UN building.
Starting point is 00:22:54 It's like, I don't know. Wouldn't it be, Tom, wouldn't it be the worst time to be fucking tourists somewhere? Oh my God. Jesus Christ, be stuck somewhere? I mean, that's what it feels like happened is that they got stuck while they were out traveling. I remember right when this hit, right at the beginning of all this, there were selfies of people in airplanes because they bought
Starting point is 00:23:17 super cheap airline tickets and were flying first class because there wasn't anybody on the airlines back then. We're talking, say, the week or two before shutdown was when people first started saying, you know what, I know they want to fly now and a bunch of trips are being canceled. And I remember seeing people saying, well, I'm off to the Riviera. I'm off here. I'm off there. I'm off to go somewhere because they had cheap flights and they were young. And everybody back then thought, if you're young, you're immune, flights and they were young and everybody back then thought if you're young, you're immune, essentially. And so they were flying overseas and just traveling. I wonder if some of those people just got caught doing that. I know I'm sure there's people who are like backpackers and such
Starting point is 00:23:54 that got caught, you know, far away. That's, that sort of seems like what this is, but I wonder if other people just got caught in other countries just fucked because they, they, you know, plan badly. Yeah. I'm sure that's what it is. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure that that's what it did.
Starting point is 00:24:11 Did you see the, uh, did you see the story about the, the, the couple or family or whatever that went on a sailing trip and they were gone for a month and they're just like, what the fuck just happened? Like they like showed up and they're just like, Oh my gosh, that would be like the same as true of like submariners. So like I read a story about like submariners, they like, they go,
Starting point is 00:24:33 they go down months at a time. Yeah. And they don't necessarily have communication with the outside world. That's like part of the gig. So they're just like, everything was fine. You know, like can't wait till I get on R and R. I know, right?
Starting point is 00:24:45 Like, oh yeah, gonna tear it up. Little night on the, what the town? Why is the town broken? There's no town. Why are there so many crickets? Why are people screaming at 8 p.m.?
Starting point is 00:24:55 Yeah, fuck. Are they doing that by you? Did people scream by 8 p.m.? No, uh-uh. Do they do that by you? 8 p.m. every night, people will lean out their window and scream and flip their lights. And it's happening
Starting point is 00:25:06 by me. And it's been happening since the pandemic started. How long does it last? For about five minutes. It's a movement called Howl at the Moon. And it's 8 p.m. here in Chicago. People just scream and scream and scream. Initially, I wasn't sure what it was. And a bunch of people were saying, oh, they're cheering for the workers who are getting off shift at the hospital. And I said, I don't live by hospital. I don't live anywhere near a hospital. So that doesn't make any sense. And then a bunch of people sent me messages and said, oh no, it's this howl at the moon thing that's happening. It's just a Facebook group or whatever. And people just get out and scream and they bang pot lids and just scream and yell
Starting point is 00:25:42 for five minutes at eight o'clock. Let's off some steam, I guess. And then they go back to their daily life of screaming inside only. So like as the summer goes on, are they going to have to like push that out? Because like the moon won't even be available. I know, right? The moon's not going to be available at eight. Still sunny at eight o'clock and they're going to yell at the sun. Okay.
Starting point is 00:26:12 No, no, no, no. Don't call the police. My friend, you've been kicked in the nuts. No. You guys are hilarious. Thanks. I really love your show. This story comes from the New york post um testicles may make men more vulnerable to coronavirus says a study i i read this see so i thought man it takes balls to hang on to the coronavirus sure it does yeah and then i thought like testicles make men more vulnerable, period.
Starting point is 00:26:47 Like they're just nature's bad idea. Like at what point did testicles ever help somebody out? They are 100% proof against intelligent design. 100%. They are the worst. There is nothing like more fucking weird about just like, I don't know, that thing hurts if like the air is a little wrong. Like put it on the outside of the body in a retractable bag. Cover it in hair and make sure it's never attractive. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:22 Right next to the thing you want somebody to suck. Yeah. And every time any kind of air pressure change happens around it, it hurts like somebody punched you in the stomach with a fucking anvil. That's what it feels like every single time. What a stupid garbage design men are. We are the most nasty, utilitarian garbage. Absolutely. Absolutely. This thing is just a piece of fucking garbage. Yeah. Nobody's ever sketched a man naked
Starting point is 00:27:52 on purpose. You know, just to see if you could do it. Yeah. It's like sketching a cockroach. You're like, can I get a bowl of fruit? Like, can I just get like a nice bowl of fruit? I'll just have two apples and a banana. Can I just get that instead? I don't want to draw this fucking twig and berries bullshit. What the fuck? Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:16 I, you know, they say that it stays inside of your body, inside the testicles for an extra four days like it's getting the grand tour. No, I really like it here. I like it here. Let me, is there anyone who can just show me the second bathroom
Starting point is 00:28:32 while I'm here? It's the worst. The other thing though is that it's, this is from a paper though where they posted that chloroquine stuff. So it's just a place where they post drafts of medical papers.
Starting point is 00:28:53 It's what Natalia told us about a couple weeks ago. It's from that same site. And so there's no saying that this is true or that there's any kind of scientific backing behind this. And many people are saying the reason why men have it over women is because they get, they're more often smokers, you know, they're more often in ill health. And those types of things are the things that are contributing to men having it longer, other than just having a pair of balls. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:24 It just, what a fucking kick in the nuts that is. Exactly, right? Jesus. This is frankly over here. We find your American beer is a little like making love in a canoe. Making love in a canoe? It's fucking close to water. So I love this.
Starting point is 00:29:44 This is from thegrio.com. And I wondered, when I read this, I wondered if maybe Heath had gotten a job in Kenya. Kenya governor adds bottles of Hennessy to coronavirus care package. And the claim in including that the Hennessy would be as involved in the care package was that it was throat sanitizer. Somebody just wanted some fucking Hennessy. Exactly. That's exactly it.
Starting point is 00:30:15 And they even said, the guy even said, the companies even come out and said, no, this is not a good, it's not good against the coronavirus. Everybody else is saying that alcohol isn't what you want here at this point because it lowers your inhibitions and shit that you're doing to do more reckless behaviors. It's fucking, it's totally not useful right now. And they're just like, yeah, I would- Alcohol's the worst thing, right? I'd like some, I'd like some of it. Okay, well then, just say you want some of it instead of saying everyone needs it. There's a difference. Yeah, the further claim, I love this,
Starting point is 00:30:50 is says, I think from the research conducted by the World Health Organization and various organizations, it has been believed that alcohol plays a major role in killing the coronavirus. And the WHO was like, we never said that. What? Like, if you pour alcohol on the virus, it probably is not good for the virus.
Starting point is 00:31:11 But also, unless you're like inhaling the Hennessy rather than drinking it. Yeah, right, right. Like, unless you're like waterboarding yourself with fucking Hennessy, it's probably not super fucking useful. Do you like cognac, uh, cognac?
Starting point is 00:31:27 I'm going to, I'm going to admit, I don't know that I've had cognac. I was trying to think like, is it similar to brandy? So it is brandy. It's just from the cognac region of France. Oh, then I can answer that question. I re I, I despise brandy. I think it's disgusting. Yeah, brandy is distilled wine. Yeah. It's so fucking sweet. I hate it. So if cognac is just brandy,
Starting point is 00:31:54 brandy, I think, is generally repulsive. It kind of tastes to me like boiled raisins. Yeah, that's exactly what it tastes like. Yeah, that's a very good analogy. Yeah, I like it. I am not a fan. I like it in some cooking. It's good for cooking sometimes.
Starting point is 00:32:12 And I've used cooking brandy before. But for me, I feel the same way. And I know a lot of people like it, but I feel the same way about port. Because port has it in there. So it's just fortified wine. That's not for me. No, man.
Starting point is 00:32:29 I don't like it. It's like thick and like kind of, I don't even mind medicinal flavors generally. Like I'm drinking whiskey. Whiskey is medicinal, you know, has some medicinal qualities to it for sure. But like, it's just kind of too much. It's kind of just overwhelming. I don't mind a little sip, but I don't want a second sip.
Starting point is 00:32:49 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're right. It's like a tasting. It's like a little taste. I wouldn't want to sit down with a glass of it. It'd be fine to have a tiny sip of it. That's fine. You're right.
Starting point is 00:32:58 Like if somebody's passing on a flask or something, maybe, but you know, although that's a weird thing to think about in post-coronavirus times. Yeah, think about all the shit like you used to do where you're just like, here, try this. Yeah, I'll basically lick your asshole. Here, try this. Yeah. Here. No, just eat it right off my fork. Just eat my ass right off my fork. That's what you need to do. Yeah. I'm not a huge fan of, I'm not a huge fan of, of brandies at all. And that's, I'm not a huge fan of brandies at all. And I also wonder too, do you just drink it straight?
Starting point is 00:33:30 Do you add something to it? Because I don't know how to consume it even. So the last time I had brandy, I was visiting a friend and their dad poured a very, very tiny, I mean, it was probably a half ounce in this little tiny little glass thing of like brandy. And I got the strong impression that it would have been rude not to drink it. And it was maybe a little expensive and he was trying to be like very gentlemanly and offer this as a host. And so I did drink it and it was like drinking,
Starting point is 00:33:59 like I said, boiled raisins. It was good at first and then it's just too much. It's overwhelming. I think it's consumed straight. I think it's consumed straight. Okay. I think it's consumed straight in like a snifter glass. Yeah. And it's very small. It's like a mixer or something like that.
Starting point is 00:34:12 Yeah. Okay. I know there are some drinks that I've had that have, that have, or I've seen that have brandy as an ingredient, but I've excluded them
Starting point is 00:34:20 because they had brandy as an ingredient. I feel the same way about fennel. Like I see, like fennel is like- Me too, buddy. Me too. I feel the same way about fennel. Like I see like fennel is like- Me too, buddy. Me too. Dude, that shit is like all the rage. Every restaurant you go to, every menu, it's like, that looks so fennel. I hate it. It's fucking everywhere right now. It's a terrible flavor and it's also overused. It's so overused that it's, and it's not a flavor
Starting point is 00:34:43 that I think is something that everyone enjoys. I think a lot of people don't like fennel. I mean, you know, it's funny because I talk to a ton of people and I'll say, you know, oh yeah, there's fennel in it. And immediately people are saying, oh, I'm not interested anymore. I don't understand why it's all the rage. But it is like you, like you agree, right? Oh, absolutely. Yeah. It's constantly, it's all over the place. Yeah. Every menu. There's like a small handful of things. You know me, like I like more, way more things
Starting point is 00:35:08 than I don't like. Way more, I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Way more. And like, there's so many restaurants that I'm like, all right, the handful of things I don't like include goat cheese and fennel. And like, there's like restaurants you go to
Starting point is 00:35:19 and it's like, you can get goat cheese on your fennel or fennel on your goat cheese. Now we can produce a nice goat cheesecake with a fennel puree. We could have steak covered in fennel on a bed of goat cheese, goat cheese with a nice roasted chicken with a stuffed with fennel. It's got fennel, of course, in there. It's fucking, are you kidding me? With those two ingredients, you can barely go anywhere.
Starting point is 00:35:44 And they're like the only two things I don't like. They've come over to the table and this cocktail is on the house. It's pureed fennel, goat cheese, and cognac. You know what? If they did it, I would be like, yeah, fuck it. Give that to me. You know what? Because I think I would hate that enough
Starting point is 00:36:05 to come full circle. I think I would hate that so hard that I would fucking love it. It's like a food vaccination that you immediately love all of them again. My safe word is pineapple juice. Put your hands behind your back. Palms up.
Starting point is 00:36:18 Put your hands behind your back. Both hands. It's warm. Oh, watch your hands, boy. Those are my quarters. You want to put those in your pocket? That is change. You know how long it took want to put those in your pocket? That is change You know how long it took me to acquire those some of those are limited edition and watch your fingers booty hole, man I love this so much
Starting point is 00:36:34 WGN Florida man tried to use fake Florida man's the best Florida man tried tried to use fake COVID-19 sign to dodge arrest, the sheriff says. So this is basically what it is. They were looking for this dude and they're like, they go up to his door
Starting point is 00:36:53 and he's just like, I have COVID-19. He put a sign on the door like, Okay. Ye shall not enter. He put a sign on the door and I want to describe this sign. So first off,
Starting point is 00:37:07 the sign is written clearly on something bumpy because it's not on a flat surface that he wrote this. He put it on like a book with texture on it because the texture is transferred over onto the sign.
Starting point is 00:37:19 So it is a textured, he's right on a textured surface with a ballpoint pen, a blue ballpoint pen, I think. He has, this is how it's spelled. Capital C, middle size O, not sure. Capital V, lowercase I, capital D. Now, I want to talk about the I real quick before we continue.
Starting point is 00:37:39 Oh, yes, you have to. So, what kind of psychopath puts a circle as a fucking dot to an eye? You know, like you're a fucking psychopath if you do that. There's something seriously wrong with you if you're circling your eye. You are allowed to dot your eye with a circle if you're like a seventh grade girl. Yes. But if you're a grown ass man named Joshua with a fucking felony warrant, you cannot dot your eye with a fucking circle.
Starting point is 00:38:01 with a fucking felony warrant. You cannot dot your I with a fucking circle. I would say, I would say the moment you are able to vote, regardless of any kind of gender, you should, there's no more circle.
Starting point is 00:38:13 There's no more circle on the I. I don't care. You're not allowed to do it anymore. You're an adult now. You can, you can either be drafted into war or do the circle over your I. Those are your two options.
Starting point is 00:38:24 You can't do any of this. Like, is he going to use like, like a heart for an ex-girlfriend? I know. Like, what? Exactly. Is he going to put a smiley face in his O here? What the fuck is going on?
Starting point is 00:38:34 So the rest of the sign, the rest of the sign is lowercase I with a circle again, psychopath. Uppercase N, uppercase F. Extra uppercase F. It's twice as big as all the other letters.
Starting point is 00:38:46 It's bigger than everything else. Lowercase E-C-T-E-D. So he did two in a row in uppercases, and then he gave up. Since is right. Since is uppercase followed by the rest lowercase. But it's handwritten, hand-scrawled, taped to a store with electrical tape, hand-scrawled, and written over a couple times with ballpoint pen.
Starting point is 00:39:11 Clearly the work of a forger master. Clearly the work. Brilliant, except for that the sheriff had this to say. Placing a fake COVID-19 sign on your door will not stop us from kicking it in when you have felony warrants for your arrest. Okay, let's see here. Toilet paper. Toilet paper. Toilet paper.
Starting point is 00:39:32 Toilet paper. Toilet paper. Toilet paper. Toilet paper. And toilet paper. Hey, hey. Now you kids be careful with this chewing gum. Don't go sticking it under tables.
Starting point is 00:39:43 Okay. Okay, toilet paper. Toilet paper. Toilet paper. Oh, God. This is some fucking comeuppance shit. This is from Newsweek. Oh, dude.
Starting point is 00:39:52 This is justice porn right here. This is what this is. Cecil, I grabbed this for you because I know how much you love comeuppance. Oh, justice. Man who bought $10,000 worth of toilet paper and hand sanitizer, denied a refund. So this motherfucker bought, exactly as I said, just a fucking metric shit ton of toilet paper and hand sanitizer. And then when his eBay store got shut down
Starting point is 00:40:16 because he was trying to do some fucking profiteering bullshit, he was like, well, now I have five figures worth of shitter paper and hand sanitizer. And he goes to the store to return it and they're just like, no. It's not worth the paper it's printed on, Tom. Oh man, it's so good. It's so good. It's so good. It's so fun to watch people who are trying to exploit a situation get wrecked. I mean, I think it's, you don't want to,
Starting point is 00:40:53 what you want is, what happened when this started was there was panic and people panic bought all kinds of things, right? There was things that people panic bought from food types to, you know, when I first went to the store, you were talking about milk earlier, milk was all gone. Bread was all gone. You know, there's people panic buying lots of different things. Oh my God. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know, dude. I don't know what you're doing with
Starting point is 00:41:20 it. But anyway, there's this idea that people panic buy a lot of shit. And toilet paper was one of those things that was out for a long time. And there was several videos of people loading truck fulls of toilet paper into their, you know, just, yeah. One guy who had all those masks in New York got them all confiscated because he just bought a shit ton of N95 masks that he was going to sell. Someone who had all those sanitizers had to donate them in Pennsylvania because he just had all those hand sanitizers that he bought out from all the different stores in all the entire area. And then they basically wouldn't let him sell them on Amazon anymore because he was price gouging people. So these people are not, these are not innocent actors. These are people who were going on, because here's the thing, that guy could sell
Starting point is 00:42:01 all that toilet paper and not make a lot of money, right? He could make a very small amount of money and do all that labor to send all that toilet paper to people essentially for free. And it's not worth his dime. So he doesn't want to do it. Yeah. If these guys bought all this shit and wanted to make, honestly, if they wanted to make something approaching a reasonable profit, if they bought it and kicked up the price 10, 15, 20% and had a nice little return on their investment because they happen to be ahead of like, yeah, ahead of the psychology of the, of the market.
Starting point is 00:42:32 I don't know how much of a problem I would have with that. The thing is like they're double, triple, quadruple more the price. Yeah. That's just straight. That's just straight fucking people over. It's gouging. That's not seeing an opportunity and trying to capitalize. It's not
Starting point is 00:42:48 the most ethical thing, but at a reasonable markup, it's like, alright, that's how the world works. Let's accept it and move on. 10, 15, 20%. That's what people did with iPhones. That's what people did with iPhones when they first came out. They sell them for more. We have an entire stadium
Starting point is 00:43:03 sale of ticket process that works like that. That's how you buy tickets nowadays to go anywhere. There's no longer a, you buy, because when I was a kid, you used to stand in line at Ticketmaster. That's how you used to get tickets back in the day. Have you? And now you don't do that. Have you tried to do that at all? No. I bought, I got to tell you, so I bought tickets to see Tool. So Tool came to Chicago, I don't know, about either six months or 300 years ago. I'm not sure. 150 years ago. Yeah. So, but I did the thing like with Ticketmaster. So I had the Ticketmaster app and like,
Starting point is 00:43:37 I did this thing where you enter the waiting room. So like I knew what time they were going on sale and now you don't like call and hang up and call and hang up and call and hang up or like wait in a line. Like now you get in a digital queue, right? And I was all excited to see Tool. So like I knew when they were going on sale and I was like ready. And like, I had my phone like on the app. And as soon as I could enter the queue, the second Cecil, it let me enter the queue. I was like, and I entered the queue and it was like, there are like 6,000 people before you. And I was like, how could that even be possible? Like thousands and thousands and thousands. I bought those tickets. I mean, like I was like a goddamn fucking mongoose striking a cobra. I was trying to be so fast. I bought tickets in the very last row of the United Center. I was so high up,
Starting point is 00:44:27 I was basically outside in the parking lot looking through a spyglass at that goddamn concert. That is the only, and that's like how you buy tickets for face value now. Like, that's it. Because bots are doing all the rest of it. Bots are just faster. Yeah. Bots are faster, and there's that markup at like all those other places. That's how you get tickets to places now. You don't get tickets like you used to. No. Where you used to just, you don't do that. Now it's just gouging. Now it's just constant gouging. So, you know, that's how this works. And this guy got his fucking crazy comeuppance. And that's
Starting point is 00:44:59 awesome. So I want to read this last part of the story, because speaking of justice, this guy goes to return all this stuff, right? And the manager of the grocery store says, yeah, I had my first customer yesterday. He said he wanted to get a refund on 150 packages of 32-pack toilet paper and 150 units of one liter hand sanitizer. And I told him that, Drake said, as he showed off his middle finger to the camera.
Starting point is 00:45:23 Fuck you. Fuck you. You know what? I'm about to say it. I don't care that you broke your elbow. So this story comes from the Business Insider. Police say commander of neo-Nazi group linked to
Starting point is 00:45:37 plan attack on CNN was 13 years old. I fucking love the internet so much. Like the internet is the fucking, like this is so great. It's like, rah, we're going to fucking get him
Starting point is 00:45:52 and like this, we're going to rally behind Jim Bob 630897 Commander Strike Force, whatever. And it's some fucking 13 year old. You know how he got the job? He was playing Xbox Live and he could call anybody the N-word super fast.
Starting point is 00:46:11 And so he got the job. Really, really. I mean, like, that's the application system for the job. They're following a 13-year-old. That shows you how fucking immature your mindset is if you could be easily led by a 13 year old i this is like this is fucking everything these fucking neo-nazi clown shoe ass motherfuckers are just like well this leader this great fucking thought leader around our fucking white supremacist
Starting point is 00:46:38 ideology is fucking that's an eighth grader that's not even high grader. That's not even high school. I know. He's not even high school yet. That's amazing. That kid just smells bad. Like that's somebody like, that's a 13. Like you're not even showering on your own without your mom telling you anymore. Oh God. 13 years old. And he's your leader. He's your leader. He's 13. Oh my God. He can't even cook himself food. He wants a fucking yogurt cup out of the fridge.
Starting point is 00:47:14 He still gets an allowance, man. 13, you can't even get a work permit. How the fuck are you supposed to be the commander of a neo-Nazi army? You'd be like, oh, wait a minute, guys. It's nine o'clock. I'm at my
Starting point is 00:47:29 curfew. I can't kill black people anymore. What a dumbass. My mom's going to be so mad at me. Let me tell you, all those fucking dipshits out there that would follow this person.
Starting point is 00:47:45 This is exactly who you're following, is a child. That's exactly who you're following. Because whether it's a child that's 13 or it's a 50-year-old, you know, fucking giant fucking beard, rebel flag shirt, gun-carrying dipshit, who also is of the same exact mindset. It's an immature mindset. Yeah, it's the same guy. And that's why this kid,
Starting point is 00:48:10 that's why this kid excelled because those people that are in this mindset, they haven't grown up yet. Yeah, they can't. They literally cannot tell the difference. They're online and they cannot tell the difference
Starting point is 00:48:21 between a jackass and a fucking baby. He's Tyler Durden. Yeah. Right. It's exactly it. It's like, you know, maybe when you was a little kid, maybe stole a bag of potato chips. That might be like a $6 fine. So you got to give him back $6.
Starting point is 00:48:39 Lying. Every time you lie, $10. Murder. Murder. That's the worst one. $100,000. Masturbation? Masturbation? $0.35 would be my guess.
Starting point is 00:49:02 That's the cheapest sin. But it's a can of Manta Up, you know, the credit of the time. 35, 35, 35, 35, 35, 35. So I promise this story is not actually an ad. This is a story from Mashable. You can find it on the notes. Sex toy sales are skyrocketing is not actually an ad. This is a story from Mashable.
Starting point is 00:49:26 You can find it on the notes. Sex toy sales are skyrocketing because of social distancing. And I'm just going to go ahead and read part of this. The weeks of social distancing are dragging on. We see our friends on Zoom and treat our hinge matches like we're in some Austenian courtship. After a while, though, video chats and sex just don't cut it. And I thought this was funny. Many of us turn to masturbating as if our audience
Starting point is 00:49:50 has to turn to masturbating. I like that you're just sitting at home, you're smoking your pipe, drinking your tea, and you're thinking, what can I do right now? Is there something I can do other than this right now? So, sex toy sales are fucking jumping through the roof. And this
Starting point is 00:50:07 article talks about adamandeve.com. And I say, this is because of you guys. This is our listeners. Their sales are up 30%. Thank you. 30 fucking percent. And if you want to get a sex toy and you should, here's the thing, right? Like, right? There's good ways to stimulate the economy. And if you go to adamandeve.com, you could get 50% off almost any item, a bunch of free stuff, and you get free shipping. And all you have to do is enter the code word GLORY at checkout. Adam and Eve is our sponsor. It's the sponsor of the show. We don't have, we've had one or two sponsors in the past, but Adam and Eve has been a steadfast sponsor of this show. We would love
Starting point is 00:50:50 it if you would use our code if you're going to go to Adam and Eve. It pays Ian's salary. Remember, every time you think of your sex toy, think Ian. Whenever you bust out that wastly wabbit or...
Starting point is 00:51:08 I got to find out what Ian's middle name is so I can name all the sex toys. I'm just going to encourage everybody to just masturbate with a Grammy. Just figure out some way to just masturbate
Starting point is 00:51:21 with a Grammy. Bang it out three times. Or masturbate with your Grammy. You know what I mean? Whatever works for you at AdamandEve.com, bang it out three times. Or masturbate with your Grammy. You know what I mean? Whatever works for you at AdamandEve.com. Do it over social distancing. You're Zooming Grammy.
Starting point is 00:51:33 Hey, everybody. This next clip comes from our recent live stream on April 23rd of 2020. We live stream every Thursday at 9 p.m. Central. And this week, we're going to be streaming exclusively to YouTube.com
Starting point is 00:51:48 slash DisadvancePod. So, see you there. Alright, here we go. Let's play just a clip. Just the tip of Pat Robertson. Pat Robertson blames coronavirus on same sex marriage. Here we go. Oh God, look at this guy. It's a minute 14.
Starting point is 00:52:05 Jesus Christ. Oh we go. Oh God, look at this guy. It's a minute 14. Jesus Christ. Oh my God. Right? He's fucking melting. He is genuinely like, when you get old enough and your head starts to sink into your body like a turtle, it's just
Starting point is 00:52:19 slowly melting into the rest of you. He looks like carving a face into an apple. looks like carving a face into an apple. You ever carve a face into an apple and let it like, it just goes and like curls up? Yeah, let it rot. Yeah. Right.
Starting point is 00:52:32 Yeah, no, he's definitely a rotting apple. God damn. Also, also, I mean, he kind of looks like Ruth Bader Ginsburg here a little. Cecil, did you ever see the video that was out like, I don't know, maybe eight or nine years back of him, like leg pressing 500 pounds. Oh yeah. I did see that where he was on like one of those slidey presses where he was, where you can move a trillion pounds, like no problem where you can, you can move a whole car and it, cause it's, cause it's mechanically
Starting point is 00:53:00 helping you to push it all up. Yeah. Right. All right. Let's play this. Here we go. Helping you to push it all up. Yeah. Right. All right. Let's play this. Here we go. This is John Pat who says, Pat, last week you were talking about COVID-19. You quoted Chronicles 714.
Starting point is 00:53:13 How can God heal our land and forgive the sins when abortion and same-sex marriage are laws and many people are anti-Israel? Doesn't this prevent his healing and forgiveness? I love that God is just up there thinking, you know what? As long as there's an anti-Israel person in America, I ain't fixing that COVID stuff. That ain't happening. I ain't doing it. I'm sorry. I'm not going to fix it in the
Starting point is 00:53:35 whole world because of what America does. You know what? I'm just going to go and I'm going to start at a different place and then it's going to move across the whole world for a little while now before it gets to America. And then I'm not going to fix it because of what America does. What the fuck? All right. We got a bunch of new patrons. And one of my favorites, one of my new favorites is someone who I became friends with on Facebook.
Starting point is 00:54:07 This is Matthew. And Matthew, he's part of a group that I belong to. And I remember Matthew because Matthew gave us, Tom, and you will remember Matthew when I tell you what he did. He gave us donuts at ReasonCon. Yes. He gave us bacon donuts. Do you remember this? I do. So Matthew gave us donuts. ThisCon. Yes. He gave us bacon donuts. Do you remember this?
Starting point is 00:54:26 I do. So Matthew gave us donuts. This is like ReasonCon 1. This is a while ago, right? So he gave us donuts. And when he gave us the donuts, we got a chance to meet him. And so I saw his name on Facebook
Starting point is 00:54:38 in a group I belong to. And I thought, oh, I should friend that guy. I know him. I've met him in person. I know him. And so I sent him a message. And I guess he keeps his friend list to a very paired round number of 666.
Starting point is 00:54:56 He said to me, he said, I have to let somebody go if I'm going to be your friend. He private messaged me. He said, so I let Richard Carrier go. I said, what I just read is Cecil is superior to Richard Carrier. And he said, that is exactly it. So his patron name is Matthew says Cecil is superior to Richard Carrier. And that's why. It's because I kicked Richard Carrier off his friends list. And we still thank you. We still thank you, Matthew, for those donuts. And when you're in Chicago, I will take you to Stan's Donuts.
Starting point is 00:55:23 I promise we'll buy you a Stan's Donuts, which are superior to Danish in every way. So let's get all our patrons. Matthew says Cecil is superior to Professor Carrier. Simon, Cram Glass, Mike,
Starting point is 00:55:35 Dave, Anna, Lefty and Augie Jack, Julie, Mitchell, Bull, Wee Wees, Pascal,
Starting point is 00:55:44 Emma, and the Silent Sufferers. Nathan, Mitchell, Bull, Wee Wees, Pascal, Emma, and the Silent Sufferers, Nathan, Kevin, Matt, Louise, Damian, Tommy, Rich, Karsten, Chris, Joseph. I thought it was a patron already. I like that. I saw that one this week. That's a great one. That one made me laugh. I love that one. And the thing is, I know the person who is behind that patron name. And he's a dear friend of mine from a group I belong to. And so I want to thank him
Starting point is 00:56:16 for being a patron again. Thank you. Steven, Rhyme Time, Luis, Evan, Peter and Kathy, Dion, Dave, and then people who up their pledges, Bran, Regina, Karen, Matt, Nicholas, Phillip, Steve, Lisa, Steeljaw Panda, Jose, and Catherine. Thanks so much for your generous donations. We really do truly appreciate it. Every day in every call, I hear about downsizing in my higher ed business. And so I'm very grateful that people are able to donate and to give us some kind of a safety net for the work that we put in for this show. So we want to
Starting point is 00:57:00 thank you so much for donating. And now's a great time if you have some extra money and you are not in crisis from COVID, we would really appreciate you becoming a patron. You get a lot of extra stuff and we love our patrons. Yeah, I got to say thank you guys. It's a tremendous amount of comfort to know that Cecil and I have this safety net that we may need this to support our families. So having you guys step up the last few weeks and really kind of come to the table and become patrons and up your patrons, it means the world to us both. So we're very grateful to you. So I got a message from Kevin and Kevin contacted us through Facebook and he said, he said, hey, I just started listening to your podcast. I was listening to the March 23rd episode where you're talking about the Netherlands and how the Netherlands was going to give 90% of people's pay to people who live in the Netherlands if they lost their job.
Starting point is 00:57:56 And the thing is, is that he's saying that their tax rate is over 50% of their income. And I didn't mention that. And so he wanted to make sure that I was covering my bases there to actually mention that they pay him more in taxes. Now I responded with, I think that the Netherlands having a higher tax rate feels like common knowledge to me. So if you didn't know, if you're an listener to this show and you didn't know that the Netherlands pay a higher tax rate when I mentioned that, please send me a message so I can know whether or not I'm incorrect. Because it feels like something that would be common knowledge. But if it's not, I want to mention it because I don't want to mislead people to think that they're paying less money. They are paying more money,
Starting point is 00:58:42 but they also have a significantly better social safety net. And they're really not paying that much more money than we are. They're paying more money, but not by a lot. It's almost like if you pay more in taxes, then you can get significantly higher value in return for that tax. Exactly. And that is an equation that all countries have to decide upon for themselves. What tax burden is acceptable and what is the return you demand on that additional tax burden? So that's an entirely fair conversation countries are always juggling. We got a message from Jess on Patreon, and this is something we missed last week. We were talking about Voltron, Tom. Voltron not only starts out as lions
Starting point is 00:59:23 turns into the big bitey foot bitey hand bitey face lion yep man
Starting point is 00:59:33 automaton he also draws a sword but then he finally when his final form goes blazing sword and we forgot about blazing sword I forgot about blazing sword totally forgot about it I missed it I goes blazing sword. And we forgot about blazing sword. I forgot about blazing sword.
Starting point is 00:59:46 Totally forgot about it. I missed it. I love blazing sword. It's when you punch the horse, the horse falls over. It's really great. That's a donkey punch, Tom. That's different.
Starting point is 00:59:56 Okay. So we got a message. This is from Jim. And Jim just wanted to let us know Sioux Falls was one of the first cities in the U S to roll out five G. Wow. That's amazing. Quotations around cities, please. Okay. You have five G good for you. Yeah. Both of your users have excellent internet. You have as many G's as you have tumbleweeds in your front yard. Great.
Starting point is 01:00:23 Many Gs as you have tumbleweeds in your front yard. Great. But Cecil, real quick, let's play a game. Guess the population of Seasquares. You want to play? Okay, I'm going to try. I'm going to try. 160,000.
Starting point is 01:00:37 You were very close. 181,000. Wow. 181,000. About 20,000 less than the tiny ex-herb that I live in. I live in a suburb so far from the city center that I am an ex-herb. If you get any further, there's nothing but corn and you're no longer considered the metropolitan region.
Starting point is 01:01:02 I'm 40 some miles. You have to name your kid Malachi, two blocks west of you. 180, the big city of Sioux Falls. It's a big city. Do you remember we were in, I know we might've mentioned this before, but we were in Michigan
Starting point is 01:01:17 and we ran into a militia guy who had a cannon. And when we talked about, we talked about, we had mentioned we were from Chicago and they said, oh, I can't go to the big city. I don't even like Grand Rapids. Grand Rapids. Grand Rapids is too big.
Starting point is 01:01:32 I don't like going into the big city. It's too big for me. Grand Rapids, Michigan, my friend. Grand Rapids might have a McDonald's. Grand Rapids, which I actually. Grand Rapids, which I actually like Grand Rapids. I think it's a cool little city. Population is 200,000.
Starting point is 01:01:51 Yeah. Yeah. Matthew sent in a message and he sent in a story. This is from the Daily Wire. Social shredding. Defiant residents grab shovels, dirt bikes after Cali authorities
Starting point is 01:02:04 dump tons of sand in the skate parks for social distancing. So it looks like the California authorities just dumped a bunch of sand into the skate parks so they couldn't skate or ride their bikes through the quarter pipes there. I will say this, he's asking for our thoughts. I will say this, if there is a stay at home order, he's asking for our thoughts. I will say this. If there is a stay-at-home order, then they should find ways to stop people from congregating if they aren't listening to the stay-at-home order. And if that stay-at-home order means finding people, if it means stopping people from entering parks like they did in Chicago with the tape, you're not allowed to enter the parks because they put yellow tape there and people are mostly, for the most part, listening, then they should do
Starting point is 01:02:49 those things. Because it's not just about you. It's about the people you can infect. It's about the other people that you can hurt because you want to hang out with other people. And the first weekend here in Chicago where they put the stay-at-home order in and you're allowed to go for a walk, I was walking, going for a walk, social distancing, and saw an entirely full skate park of kids. So people weren't social distancing. So I think that if you're going to have to enforce it, you should try to enforce it. I don't see any problem with dumping sand in the middle of a skate park if that slows you down from being there. Look, I'm sympathetic to hating the stay-at-home order, but if you don't want a longer stay-at-home order, you have to respect the one that we have.
Starting point is 01:03:32 I fucking hate it, but I also recognize the necessity for it and the desire for the stay-at-home order to end sooner. If you want the stay-at-home order to drag on, don't do the stay-at-home part. Exactly. We got an image from Aaron. It's just wrong. I'm going to post it on this week's show notes, but it's pretty wrong. It's pretty rough. It's pretty wrong. We also got a video, and a bunch of people
Starting point is 01:03:58 have been sending this to us. This is Kenneth Copeland's Wind of God remix when he banished the coronavirus from the United States. And you can tell when Kenneth Copeland did this a couple weeks ago because we had no more cases of coronavirus since then. Yeah, that's so... Yeah, fucking...
Starting point is 01:04:12 He dusted his fucking hands off after this happened. The fucking howdy-doody looking motherfucker. Anyway, that guy, they did a remix video of this. We're going to post it on this week's show notes. It's actually really funny. And Tony is from Rogers Park, Tony. In Rogers Park. Hope you're social distancing up there. Got a bunch of messages this last week from people who were asking me about the trip that I talked about. I lost some money on a trip and a bunch of people making suggestions. I have
Starting point is 01:04:37 done most of the things that people have said, but I want to thank everybody for sending in messages and offering me some sort of advice on how to fix the trip that I went on. We got a nice long message from Liz who was saying, basically, don't use third-party sites because hotel workers hate third-party sites. And I got to tell you, the only reason I use the third-party site on this, and I normally don't because I have rewards cards with some hotels. And so I normally get a pretty good rate with some hotels. The problem is, is I was going overseas and I was on TripAdvisor. And when I was clicking the button, the rate was right there. And it's like, it would say the rate and I would click the button and it
Starting point is 01:05:16 would take me to, and it turned out to be Expedia. And so Expedia was the place that was giving the cheap rate, but I just never really thought to shift away from that to get the rate somewhere else. Right. And how the hell was I supposed to know we were going to cancel the trip? I mean, when you make a trip like this, especially when you're spending that kind of money, it never entered my mind that we wouldn't be on this trip. One of us would die, I think, would have for us to think that we wouldn't. I mean, seriously, if you're spending that kind of money, you don't think ahead of time, oh, well, we might just not be on this trip. You don't think like that. And I made the mistake this time of doing it, but I won't do that again. I won't use the third
Starting point is 01:05:54 party sites again to do it. I'll just go to hotel sites and just go directly to hotel sites and use them like I do with airlines. That's what I do with airlines now. And I haven't used a third party airline site in forever because of the bad situation I've had with those. And so I'll do the same with hotels. And if I have to pay a little extra, I pay a little extra. It's just the way it works. So this next week, we are going to be trying a new... We tried this week. We had a great time on Twitch. So we just did Twitch. We just did Twitch. There's a couple streaming issues, and Twitch is sometimes a little not great if you're not a partner.
Starting point is 01:06:30 We are now going to try a new one, because we wanted to see how well we would do on Twitch. Twitch turned out to be a great forum for a lot of people to talk and chit-chat with each other. It's great, because everybody's in the same chat room together. The problem with what we're doing when we have these communities spread out all over into
Starting point is 01:06:49 different places is we can read all your chats, right? Because we're running on Restream. So I can read what somebody on Facebook says, and I can read what somebody on YouTube says, but they can't read what each other say. And on Twitch, we were able to put everybody in the same chat room together. And so they were all able to chat with each other at the same time. And that's what the important part of the community is. So next week, we're going to be live streaming just like we normally were,
Starting point is 01:07:13 but we're going to try YouTube next week. So we're going to start everywhere and then we're going to shift to YouTube. We hope you join us for these live streams. We're having a great time. These last couple of weeks, we are just dying laughing and having an absolute blast. It's been a great time. So we're really looking forward to having a bigger and bigger audience doing the live piece. It's just extra content,
Starting point is 01:07:34 extra produced content that you guys can go check out. So we'd love to have more people hop over. Yeah. And we think we have kind of a bitchin' setup. So you guys should check it out. If you've never checked them out before, you should check it out like it's not just a couple of guys on webcams it's a little better than that so you should check it out if you haven't seen it before it's actually we're pretty proud of our setup but we're gonna be on YouTube next week 9pm central you can
Starting point is 01:07:56 find us in the other places but we're gonna shift you over to YouTube in a few minutes after we start so please come check us out but that is gonna wrap it up for this week we'll be back next week. And we're going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit.
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