Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 523: Secular Survey

Episode Date: May 11, 2020

Thank you to Alison Gill from for joining us today! To find out more head over to &   Stories from the Week  

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We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome mat. This is episode 523. And for this episode, we are joined by Alison Gill, Vice President of Legal and Policy, I think. She just told me a moment ago, an American atheist. I already forgot. I should have written it down, but I didn't do that instead. I think I got it right. Alison, thank you so much for being on Cognitive Dissonance today.

Thank you so much for inviting me. And yes, you did get it right. Nailed it. Absolutely crushed it. So, Allison, you're here to talk to us a little bit about the report for the Reality Check survey. Yes. So, the U.S. Secular Survey was a survey that we did last year. We had about 34,000 non-religious people from across the country respond. It's the largest ever data collection on non-religious communities. And we just published the first report from the survey called Reality Check, Being Non-Religious in America. And it's really amazing. It's like a groundbreaking set of data

that we have never had before about the atheist, humanist, free thinker, et cetera, community. So it's going to be, I think, really helpful for us. Well, what kind of stuff does the data tell us? Give us some idea on what the data leads us to believe when it comes to what secular people are feeling in this country, especially when it comes to, say, if we are discriminated against. Sure. Yeah, it does come in. We do speak a lot about that issue. So the survey looks at both stigma and discrimination that non-religious people face. It also looks at how people build communities. Like, you know, there's lots of local organizations for non-religious people all across the country. So it talks about that. It also asks about, you know, what people think about policy priorities. We also ask about voting. So there's a variety of different issues that we ask about in the report. I think the most interesting result, at least to me, having grown up in New Jersey and living in D.C. currently, was just a remarkable difference between, you know, a person

who lives in a not very religious area versus people that live in very religious areas. We just saw this incredibly large increase in stigma and discrimination when that live in very religious areas. We just saw this incredibly large increase in stigma and discrimination when people live in very religious states like Alabama, Utah, Mississippi versus where they live in other states. We saw some discrimination, some stigma, some concealment of people's identities everywhere, but it's just dramatically different. So I'm taking some notes. And one of the notes I just took is discrimination in Alabama and Mississippi. And I was, I don't know if I wrote this note now or 60 years ago. Like it's pretty much just like, that's just the note for Alabama and Mississippi. Like that's just the note. And it's the only one you need period. What I do want to ask you. So

obviously like, and I think it's, it's interesting. That information need, period. I do want to ask you, so obviously, and I think it's interesting. That information is certainly interesting. I don't think that information is surprising, certainly not for the people I would imagine living in Alabama and Mississippi. What is the goal of this survey and the report? What did you guys set out to accomplish

by going through all of this effort? Sure, sure. And, you know, just because something is a perception or we believe it to be true, you know, it's anecdotal, we don't actually know it's true unless we study it. I mean, that's what critical thinking is all about, right? Studying the evidence and coming to a scientific belief about it, right? So that is what this allows us to do for the first time. Like we don't know, an American atheist gets, you know, complaints all the time from people that face discrimination in schools or employment or when government doesn't offer services based on somebody's religion, those sorts of things. But we don't have like stats for the entire country. Yeah.

Now we do. we do. And so not only can we show where this is happening, but now we can also show how it affects people in the community, how it affects people in terms of loneliness or isolation and depression or educational outcomes. And we can use to show the differences to other members of our community, because I feel like living in a more like liberal area, we don't realize how bad it is sometimes in more religious areas. So that's another part of this. So we're going to use the data for advocacy purposes, for targeting programs to be more effective. Like, I don't know, let's give you an example, like an anti-bullying program. We know that youth in schools faced bullying and discrimination because they're, you know, atheists, right? And I've been involved

with anti-bullying movements for a long time. They've never mentioned atheists, right? So now we have data to back that up, right? So there's all sorts of purposes we could put this to. So can I ask, what are the most common forms of discrimination against the non-religious? Sure. So we looked at a few different areas where people face discrimination. We asked people about, I don't know, about 15 different areas where they might face discrimination. We asked people about, I don't know, about 15 different areas where they might face discrimination.

We found most negative incidents, people say happen in their own families and on social media, but that's not really discrimination. That's just like negative sort of incidents relating to their identity as an atheist. But the places where we saw the most discrimination were people who were in the military, in education, and in employment.

So those were like the top three we saw. There's other areas as well, but those are pretty significant. In education, about one-third of people said that they had some form of negative incident relating to discrimination, which is very hot. So then from a solutions perspective, wouldn't the right thing to do be just to like lie about who you are and what you believe in order to fit in with others? You hit upon a really important other part of the survey, which is concealment. So yes, I think many people do do that.

And that's why we have such a high rate of concealment. We ask people like who they conceal their identity from, people at school, strangers, people at work, family, et cetera. And we found a very high rate of concealment among non-religious people. they conceal their identity from people at school strangers people at work uh family etc and we found a very high rate of concealment among non-religious people but and that can you know help to limit discrimination in some ways but it also is dangerous not dangerous harmful psychologically it results in increased loneliness and depression so there's there's negative repercussions from that for person, but also for our

broader movement. If we're all hiding and afraid to tell people that we're not religious, that's certainly not good for us advancing our cause and fighting for both equal rights and also for separation of religion and government. We need to be out there and telling the truth, right? So it's a twofold problem. So when you did this survey, did you find out, one, how much people were making and two, are they willing to donate to a podcast like Cognitive Dissonance? I think those are important questions

you might've missed. And those are things you might want to fix on the next survey that goes out. Yeah, yeah. I didn't ask about the podcast specifically, but we did ask, you know, usually you don't ask about people about the money that they earn because people don't want to answer that usually. So instead we asked about education level, which is sort of a proxy in a sense. And we did find that people tended to be fairly highly educated in this community, at least of people that responded to the survey.

So the people who responded to the survey, one of the things that you mentioned, or at least that was mentioned to us, was policy priorities. And I wonder, is there a way to look at that data and see whether or not an atheist community leans right or left on some of these things? Not in this data, not really. We asked about specific things more than political beliefs as far as liberal. I see. I see. Yeah. So the top three that people identified as most important for secular organizations to work on are maintaining secular public schools. That was more than 50 percent of people said that. Opposing religious exemptions that allow for discrimination and access to abortion and contraception. So I think most people would say those are fairly liberal. Yeah. Those are, those feel like, I was just going to say, so there are left then.

I mean, especially with you and with the final punch there, um, you know, when it comes to, when it comes to abortion, one of the things that, that, uh, that people, uh, you know, really, it's really a hard line, very hard line, right and left there. And that feels like one of those things that most, at least, you know, I'm in a bubble myself because the people that we communicate that are non-religious also happen to be left-leaning because they bother to listen to our show for more than 10 minutes and send us an email. So, you know, we find ourselves in our own little bubbles. And so, you know, regardless of, you know,

the number of people that I can communicate with, the bias is real when it comes to this. And so it's interesting that you were able to get a cross section of people, you know, from a much wider self-selecting group. How did you select people? Now, was this just sent out in mass to everyone or did you just select American atheist members? How was it chosen that people were able

to fill this survey out? Sure. It was open to the public and we did not limit it to American atheist members. Our entire point was to be as broad as possible. That's why we don't use like atheists everywhere in the report. We asked about non-religious people, trying to get people of all stripes of the non-religious. Sure,, freethinkers, humanists, etc. And we basically partnered with a lot of organizations, both at the national level and also locally, and asked them to help promote it. And then when people finished taking the survey, we asked them to put it on their social media. I went on far too many podcasts to ask people to take part

in the survey. And I was amazed by the response. We had originally hoped to get 5,000 to 10,000. And in the first eight hours, we passed 10,000. Oh my gosh. Nice. So what was the total sample size again? 34,000 people. And we actually, we were going to keep it open for a month. We actually had to cut it off after two weeks because it was so many people. And I don't know if you know this, in surveys, they actually charge you by response. So you're just hitting the panic button and checking your credit card limits like, oh God. To see fundraiser, we're like, we need $20,000 now. Like I want to do some science, but I don't want to do this much science. Good Lord.

And so it's good though. I think the more people we hear from in our community, the better. And that's what our goal was. And you know, another really cool thing about this is we had some open-ended questions at the end. Like we asked about people, how they came to their identity and how they talked about it with friends and family. And we also asked about any discrimination people have experienced and fully one third of people who took the survey responded, which if you know anything about survey taking, it is incredibly high response rate, usually like 5%. So people are just so eager to tell their stories and be a part of this. We were just amazed. Yeah. Yeah. We find that too. And, you know, the, the show gets a lot of stories from a lot of different people. And we find that,

you know, when Tom said earlier that it's not surprising to us that, you know, people might be discriminated in certain areas of this country, it's because we get, you know, it's not just one anecdote, it's dozens, if not hundreds of anecdotes from all over the country. And we see that we get a lot of people that send us messages from rural areas of the country that say that we're really the only secular voice they hear. And so, you know, they feel very isolated. And I'm glad that the survey has shown that in a much larger sense, right? In a much larger, more scientific sense that shows that there's needs to be outreach in those areas to those people so that they don't feel so alone. Because it can be crushingly alone in one of these rural areas in the United States. Absolutely. Absolutely.

And you know, one important thing it shows as well is that people that belong to national organizations and local secular organizations that actually helps, we can show, you know, through the data that helps fight loneliness and depression. So people that build those support networks and participate and create local groups that actually does a lot to support and help people. That's the sort of community building. So now that you've got all the data and you're going to go through, what are the most effective forms of outreach for these groups that are feeling alone and isolated or bullied? What are the most effective things that can be done now that we know who they are, now that we have that demographic reality?

Sure. Well, I think we want to use this data to inform. One thing we want to do is inform lawmakers. And so we created an action on our website for this. By the way, it's secularsurvey.org. Everything's accessible there. website for this. By the way, it's secular survey.org. Everything's accessible there. So we have a, you know, a in actions, you can send this to your lawmakers and be like, Hey,

this is the data, you should know it. And also, there's not only just people in your district that you should represent us. So I mean, I can't tell you how many lawmakers I've heard say, Oh, we don't have non religious people. We're all Christians. Utterly absurd. But it's, so let's prove them wrong, right? So that's one thing we can do is use it for that purpose. Show them that there's people in their areas. But I hope to use this in a variety of different ways. Like whenever we're advocating for policies,

we're going to now have stats to back up what we're doing. And not just us, every other organization in the movement will now be able to make use of this. As far as the data is concerned, you'll have to forgive me because I didn't read the report, but is there an age group that non-belief skews toward? So I can't speak about the broader non-religious community. I can only speak about people that took the survey. And the biggest chunk of people were 35 to 44 on this. However, you know, there was a wide distribution. We had about 10% or 18 to 24. So we didn't go below 18. But it's, you know, pretty widely spread. We did find that young people have some really interesting and significant disparities,

unfortunately. Like, for example, they were much more likely to be depressed, about three times as likely than older people. And they were also about five times more likely to be physically assaulted because of their beliefs. Good grief. Oh my gosh. So is there anything else you want us to know about the survey? This is available again on secularsurvey.org. And I don't know, I think it's really interesting. We tried to pepper the survey with little snippets of the stories I was don't know, I think it's really interesting. We tried to pepper the survey with little snippets of the stories I was talking about. So I hope it's not just all dry stats. There's actually a little like a human touch to it. You can go through and see whether people

have experience when we talk about these different issue areas. So I think it'll be interesting read. Well, we will link to it on this week's show notes. This is episode 523. And hopefully people download it and read it, and then use it as a data point when they're contacting people that represent them, so that they know that they're not alone out there. Allison, it was wonderful having you on. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you.

My pussycat was playing out on the back lot Played so long Poor pussy got hot Hot pussy Sore Wet Played so long, poor pussy got hot, hot pussy. Sore, wet, hot pussy. Just a friendly little cat.

Friendly little cat. So this story comes from The Smoking Gun. And Cecil, I actually, I found this story and I was like, no fucking way. Is this true? So I had to do like a little extra research. Sure. Before before I would believe it. So I grabbed this from the smoking gun and I grabbed from the smoking gun because the smoking gun actually links directly to the police report. And I'm going to read the headline. And then I want to read directly a little bit from the police report. If you don't mind. Sounds great. That sounds fine. I'll humor you.

Yeah. Ohioan, 50, arrested after calling 911 to report that her pussy was ablaze. You know, sometimes we cover the soft issues, but now we're covering the hard issues on this episode. You know, it's good to think this highly of yourself. You know what I mean? When you're like, God damn, my pussy is on fire today. This thing is the fire.

Let me tell you. Damn, my pussy's smoking hot. Damn. I will say, though, looking at this lady, you know her pussy my pussy's smoking hot. Damn. I will say, though, looking at this lady, you know her pussy fire smells like a Newport Light. You know it just by looking at her. You know it. I think a Newport Light is the step up.

Her pussy smells like a fucking tire fire in a fish factory. It smells like an unfiltered Chesterfield. Like, he's just like. This is amazing. This is like this, this story reads like, it's like a setup for like a bad porno. Totally does.

Like there's going to be a pizza guy with a hole cut in a box coming to the door. It's so great. Pull this sausage out of the box. Whatever will I do? Right. Oh's so great. I can't pull this sausage out of the box. Whatever will I do? Right? Oh, pool boy. Like, it's like that kind of like

cheese ball fucking setup. Absolutely. It's fucking amazing. So this is from the actual police report. On the above date

and time, dispatch received a phone call at approximately 2201 hours from a phone number later traced back to katrina morgan katrina told dispatch i already loved it i already loved it they're like yeah we

traced their phone call because that's how phones work i just the other thing i love is like the amount of like technological resources and sophistication expended to find out whose pussy is on fire we have a complicated switchboard system to know Katrina told dispatch that she needed the fire department because quote her pussy was on fire she then requested the statement, repeated the statement, and that she needs, quote, somebody to come put it out with their hose. You know, here's the thing, Tom. All those firemen out there putting out their calendars every month,

they brought this on themselves. It was how they were dressed. It was how you were dressed, fireman. You did this to you. You only have yourself were dressed, fireman. You did this to you. You only have yourself to blame, fireman. Right? Yeah. Maybe you should have worn those overalls with no shirt like that. Yeah, being all hunky. How dare you? How dare you? How dare you be

generally physically fit? In this environment? Fuck you guys. Right? Like, in America? In America in 2020, fuck you guys. Right? Like in America, in America in 2020, if you're not like cultivating like a dad bod on top of your dad bod. Who knows shit, right?

Like at this point I'm made exclusively out of like pasta and brownies and a lack of fucking empathy and activity. It's just, I'm just like, I don't care. I'm just sitting like, ugh. My whole lower half is just comfort food at this point. Ugh. Yeah.

Oh, God. My tears have gained weight. So what did these guys do? Did they get into the Batmobile and come by? Da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. No. Like, well, like, well, then I just,

just to finish, she stated again that they needed to come out to put her pussy out because it is on fire. That's fair. Instead, they came out and arrested her ass. What?

She probably called back first and asked that their refrigerator was running though. Do you have Prince Albert in a can? You better let him out. You ever make prank calls when you're a kid? Oh, yeah.

I had, like, the most, like, fucked up babysitters when I was a kid growing up. Like, my dad was a single dad, and he worked. And, like, we just, like, we were raised by a series of, like, like, tragically bad babysitters. Like, every babysitter is lemony snicket. They're just like, like stories I will not tell. Like this is tragically bad.

You just like, you look back and you're like, that was just abusive. Like just tragically bad. Is there any way I could snort meth off your kid's back? If it's weird, I won't do it. But you know, like it's just, it's so crazy the fucking babysitters we had but yeah we had one babysitter

uh no we had two babysitters one of them we were very young um who taught us how to make prank phone calls and like then she started to make like really sexually inappropriate prank phone calls and i was like third or fourth grade shut the the fuck up for what now? How the, oh, what? Yeah, I know. Like she would, and like, she would, like, she would do this and like, she would like, we'd be on the other line. It would be like laughing and like kind of barely understanding what was going on. And she would spend like huge chunks of the babysitting time just like making like really

sexually inappropriate prank phone calls. And I thought it was great. I'm so uncomfortable right now. But then when I look back at it as an adult, I'm like, I was like eight. I'm like, that's not okay. I'm so uncomfortable right now. Holy shit. Tom, I think you shouldn't be telling this to an abuse hotline.

Like what the fuck, man? So we made prank phone calls. Like my whole life we made prank phone calls until they started doing the you know the star 69 thing which allows you to recall people you know what I mean

so or until you know caller ID became a big thing but I remember one time we were at a campground in the middle of nowhere and we were all drunk as fuck

and there was a payphone that tells you how long ago it was there was a payphone there and I remember one of ago it was. There's a payphone there. And I remember one of the guys, Eric, who was with us, he just, he dialed, he called the police station and was trying to tell him that he saw the UFO and he's using a really funny voice. And we were all just crying, laughing.

And he'd hang up and they'd call back and they'd be like, he'd like pretend that they were the UFO people. It was so, because they could call back because they're the police, right? So what do they get? You know, they call back like, we know your prank call.

He's like, you know, and he's making a funny voice being like, I swear I saw a UFO, you know, and he's like, and he made, he just did it for like a half an hour, you know, and finally someone was like, they're going to send somebody out here eventually.

So we need to, you know, leave or whatever. We went back to our tent. But I remember just falling over laughing, just him on the phone with them. So we need to, you know, leave or whatever. We went back to our tent. But I remember just falling over laughing, just him on the phone with them. And you couldn't, the problem was you're on a pay phone, so you couldn't hear what they were saying.

You could only hear his reactions, but it was funny enough just with his reactions, you know? So. Yeah. Prank phone calls were like, that's like part of the world that like we're just not going to grow up with.

Yeah, you're right. You know, like prank phone calls were like, they were like a defining feature of like my fucking misbegotten adolescence, you know? You know, before, before answering machines, you just answered the phone, right? So like before answering machines really were a thing, you answered the phone. Then once the answering machines got in, then you started screening your calls and then you got a pager and that screens your calls for you. And then you got a cell phone and that essentially screens your calls

because you can see who's calling you. And now if I don't recognize your number, I'm literally never picking up the phone. Your voicemail, as long as I have ever known you, your voicemail has always been like, if I don't know this number, I'm not going to answer it. Leave me a message, punk or something crazy,

like super aggressive shit. It's so funny. Because you get this fucking annoying people that send you messages, that call you constantly. I have a spam blocker on my phone and I still get calls from people who are like, hey, this is your heating company.

We have a refund for your gas bill. My condo doesn't even have gas. So my condo, I can't even get a gas anything in my condo and they're telling me I have a gas bill. My condo doesn't even have gas. So my condo, I can't even get a gas anything in my condo. And they're telling me I have a gas refund. And I'm just like, you're an idiot. So I still get calls like that on my voicemail. So I know for sure I'm getting, you know, I get these all the time. Oh, it's so frustrating. The best feature is just being able to like, you get a number and you can just block it now. And it's just like, yeah, that's

super great when it just goes away. It's like, that never happens again. super great. So did they catch this lady? Of course they caught it. Yeah, they showed up at her fucking house and they're just like, and they show up

and she's fucking piss ass drunk with a bunch of other people. And he was like, of course she was piss ass drunk. Like, like she basically like, she fucking called the fire department with a,

you up. That was like like she's like what is she with like an eggplant and a sploosh you know like i love this it's like if this is like this is like calling the fire department and sending them an unsolicited dick pic like what do you think is gonna happen they said what i love about this too is that the fire department was diligent enough

to go out there just in case some stray cat was lit on fire. Just in case we got to do the due diligence, there might be a cat in danger. Let's go.

Yeah. They just show up to find out that she's a ginger and like the curtains match the drapes and you're just like, all right.

Oh, look at that. She wasn't even, all right. Oh, look at that. She wasn't even lying. That thing is, look at that. It's like fucking Ron Weasley down there. How many of you carry your gas masks? Yet civilians are just as much in danger of a gas attack as the services. Learn to put it on quickly too.

It can be adjusted in a matter of seconds. If you wear spectacles, take them off first. If you're wearing a hat, take it off calmly but quickly. Always hold your breath. So Cecil, I don't know if you've seen this out in the world live yet or not, but this story comes from New York Daily News. And I have seen this in person. Kentucky woman cuts hole in mask to make it easier to breathe. Wait, you've seen this in person? Oh, the mask wearing I have seen.

So I'm still going to work a few days a week. Okay. So I'm out about a little bit more and like we're in the middle of like a move. So I'm actually out and about more the last week than I have been really since this thing has started. So I've been out in the world a lot more. So the fucking mask wearing,

since masks are now mandatory in Illinois beginning on May the 1st. Yeah. People are generally compliant, but they're also generally confused about like how masks work and like how you should wear. And the confusion stretches across all barriers. Yeah. Like so many people have their mask pulled down to expose their nose completely. Sure. Yeah, no, that's good.

Yeah, that's the good stuff. Okay, well, unless you're a mouth breather, like, that's not. And like, so many people think the mask protects them rather than other people from them. Yeah. So, like, I've had a number of people be like, that's okay that they weren't wearing a mask. I'm wearing mine. And I'm like, that's okay that they weren't wearing a mask. I'm wearing mine. And I'm like, yeah, no. You're misunderstanding the directionality involved here.

Yeah. And that's entirely. It's funny because I run with, I don't know what they call it. I think they call it a gator or something like that. And it's basically like a piece of elastic cloth that covers my nose and then hangs down and drapes down to my chest. Right. And it goes around. It's basically a big tube, elastic tube I put around,

and it essentially covers my nose all the way down. So everything is covered. It looks like, you know, like Jesse James or whatever with one of those things on. And so, you know, a bandito or something, you know. So I wear one of those when I run. And it's really hard because the whole time you're dying for oxygen and it's basically, you're just hot boxing your own fucking carbon dioxide

the whole time you're running. Your own fucking stink breath, yeah. It's rough. It's not easy, right? So you're breathing and I don't know how much air, new air gets in there or not. I'm not sure,

but it definitely feels different when it's down versus when it's up, right? And I don't know if it's subconscious or not, but it feels like a difference. So when I'm not around other people, I pull it down so I can run without it on because I'm running, right. I'm out there jogging. So I want to be able to, you know, jog. But when I see another person within, you know, a hundred yards of me, I pull it up so that I'm not breathing out into the air somewhere where they could walk through and get some particulate matter on them.

That's what I want to avoid. That's what I want to avoid. That's what the mask is for. I am not interested, and I know for sure if somebody fucking got some spittle on the thing, I'm getting the Rona. I know that's going to happen. I'm not under any illusion

that this is a protection for me. This thing is just a tiny rag. It's my great hope that all it can do is stop the particulate matter from coming out when I'm panting and huffing and puffing. And yeah, there'll still be some germs in the air, but hopefully not enough to infect somebody.

That's what I'm hoping. So I've seen people like this. This story, it's a woman who cut a hole around the nose and mouth area of the mask. Yeah, that's a portable glory hole right there. That's what that is. That's exactly what it is. That's what that is.

That's a portable glory hole. Not enough anonymity in the world for a Kentucky woman. I'll tell you what. Yeah, it's one of those, it's the glory hole where you could actually say to the person, you got purty ass. Like, you know, I did wonder, like, have like Muslim women been training for this moment their whole lives?

Yeah. It's like, now is my time. Oh, man. You know, this is such a bad use of the mask, though, because it's like I cut a hole in it. You literally made it ineffective. It's like being on a work site on a catwalk, and as you walk around, you have to hold a pole next to you,

and that's the railing. You're just holding it. I'm separating me from falling off. I'm just holding this pole as I walk around. It's like taking off your fucking, the person who trains dogs. It's like taking off that big puffy arm for a nice cool windbreaker. Cause it's hot. You're, you're defeating all the purposes here. It's just like taking a condom and just tying it around the base of your dick.

Like, it's like, it's like, yeah, it's on, but like, you know, it feels better if it's not covering up the skin. I was trying to do, I was trying to work on these, I was trying to weld these pipes together, but I can't see through this damn thing. So I just replaced it with clear glass. I hope that's okay. Same, Dev. But yeah, like, dude, people are wearing masks all fucking crazy. Like, I'm also seeing people like take their mask down to talk to each other. So I can't tell you how many times they're like, cause it's your voice game of telephone ever.

Seriously. I'm just like, like I'm at the grocery store or I'm like out and about in the world, like doing things. And I'm watching people like they have this mask and they can't figure out like how to wear it. And they can't figure out like when to wear it or like what it even does or they're not even sure why they're wearing it. There's just a rule. And they're just like rules mean rules. And they just put it on, like no concept of what it does. And I'm just fucking flabbergasted. And the whole time I'm wearing a mask, right?

And Cecil, I don't know if you've, have you gone out with the mask on like, like when you have a beard, it makes you look like a fucking lunatic. It does. It makes you crazy. Because the beard sticks out the bottom of the- Makes you look crazy. That's why everybody's going to be, I think, I think long beards eventually are going to go away because especially now with the way masks

work, you know, you're not able to clamp it down like along your face. And I think long beards, they're just going to get annoying to wear the mask. I'll tell you what, I wear a mask just going out for 20 minutes and my face itches like crazy because it's pressing all the hair into my cheeks. And so I'm constantly wanting to itch and I don't want to itch because I don't want to touch my face, but I'm dying. I'm like, geez, I want to just scratch my face, man. And it's unpleasant to wear with a beard. It's really unpleasant. It's so bad. Yeah. The first time I wore the mask out, I was like, God, this mask has all these like fucking fibers in my mouth. And then I was like, no, it just pushed all this hair into my mouth. Pushed all your hair in there.

It's just so awful. And then when you take it off, like my beard's all like indented crazy. So I like look like a lunatic. Yeah. I'm going to crop my beard pretty low, I think relatively soon because it's just, it's just not useful. Like, especially if I'm doing it every day, if I'm wearing one of those every day, I'm a hundred percent going to crop my beard to the point where it's not going to be stupid in there.

I like, I like having a beard because I think I look better with a beard, but I won't, I'm 100% going to crop my beard to the point where it's not going to be stupid in there. I like having a beard because I think I'll look better with a beard, but I won't I probably won't have a longer beard like I do. You're going to cut a fucking glory hole in it? Yeah, I'm going to cut a glory hole in my beard so I can fuck my own mouth. Oh, hello.

Just wanted to jump in here and mention a few things. One, remember our live streams are every Thursday at 9 p.m. Central. And speaking of the live stream, we've just created a new live stream clips channel on YouTube. We're hoping that this will better help get the content out in the search engine and make it easier to share. So if you can do us a favor and subscribe there, like and comment and share the videos around social media. The link is in the description and I hope to see you on Thursdays. And if you aren't already a patron, maybe consider becoming a patron on those Thursday live streams so you can watch Gary Fart Glitter. It's fun.

And here's a clip from last Thursday, May 7th. Yeah, if you're Alex Jones's neighbor, you're just like 100%. Like my choices are like, I sell this house before Alex Jones eats me or Alex Jones will. Nobody retires and lives a long, healthy life living next door to Alex Jones.

Absolutely. When you buy that house, he's one of the disclosures. Like, he's in the bottom. Like, does the basement flood? Do you live next to Alex Jones? Alex Jones, right. I love that he's like, I won't let my kids starve. I'll eat the neighbors.

I feel like there's got to be a third option somewhere in there. Wait, we exhausted all the options from A to now. How is that even possible? Yeah. What, what world? I love in the apocalypse. People are still like at home in their house. Yeah. It's the apocalypse. People are starving. You're like, well, I mean, this is my address. Yeah. So, you know, you know what we have, we have good data to suggest that if you're not, No, I'm not. You know what we have? We have good data to suggest that if you're not,

if your like town or country is in absolute turmoil, you will travel a thousand miles with a kid on your back to get stopped at a fence. We have data right now that says that. So chances are, if it was absolute turmoil here, we'd all be knocking on Canada's door. Yeah, right. The world is so shitty that you're like, I got to resort

to neighborhood cannibalism to avoid starvation. And you're still just like, well, home at six. Honey, what's for dinner? Nothing. That's what we had yesterday. I'll let my kids die.

I'm just going to be honest. My superpower is being honest. I've extrapolated kids die. I'm just going to be honest. My superpower is being honest. I've extrapolated this out. It's a fucking weak superpower. That is the lamest superpower ever. You're the guy from Liar Liar. Like, what the fuck? I know, right?

My superpower is radical honesty. So I'm rude to people, and I blame it on some kind of ethical consideration. Really? No, you're just a rude coward. That's of ethical consideration. Yeah. Really? No, you're just a, you're just a rude coward. That's what you are.

You're just a fucking rude coward. I couch my mean things that I say in ethics. You're a dickhead. It's honest. Daughters aren't starving to death. I'll eat my neighbors. See, my superpower is being honest.

I'll eat your ass. Hey, Alex. Hold on a second hey you need to get that clip you need to get that clip it's right here power is being honest i'll eat your ass honest you gotta shower first i'm not gross i'll eat your and honest i'll eat your and honest i'll eat your i'll eat your ass i I'll eat your ass. I'll eat your ass. I will. I think I got it. Thank you. Who knew? Who knew he was a three baby wipes guy? Who knew? Who knew?

Tossed salad for Alex Jones. Good for him. You go, Alex. Hey, man, whatever gets you rolling, buddy. What I don't believe is that he could fit his roast of a face between someone's cheeks. That's what I don't believe. Like, I'm incredulous.

Like, I don't even know what size ass you would need to eat, Alex Jones. Like, I feel like you would need a super-sized ass. I feel like somehow, like, you would almost, like, if that ass clapped, it would be a thunderclap. You want to talk about a murder hornet? Jesus Christ. We need a new approach, a new tactic. We got it.

Let's get naked. No, let's save that for when we're selling real estate. Tom, can you just read this one? I'm going to fucking read this story. This is from newsonsix.com. I love this story so much. Naked man, woman, caught running through Tulsa Mall,

police say. Oh, it's not over yet, guys. Oh, no, it's not. It's not. This is so good. This is so good. Tulsa police responded to Woodland Hills Mall for disturbance caused by a naked man and woman. Corporal Brian Cullum said it started with a stalled vehicle call and a woman getting out of the vehicle naked and running. Her clothes were found in the car. I like that detail because that means she set out of the house not intending to be a naked, crazy person.

She had every intention of being clothed that day. Right. Every intention. There's a decision point in all our lives. There was something that happened. We need a quantum leap into that car to find out. Police said the man followed the woman and was carrying a pit bull on his shoulders.

Okay, so a spoiler alert for the rest of the story. That's the last we hear carrying a pit bull on his shoulders. Okay, so a spoiler alert for the rest of the story. That's the last we hear of the pit bull and I was so curious to find out what happened to the dog. I just, yeah,

and I just, I'm picturing like two versions of carrying the dog on his shoulders and the version I like best is like, like,

like, like, one leg over his shoulder. Legs over his shoulder. Like it's a rucksack and he's running. No, I like it the other way. Just the back legs and it's front legs on the top of your head,

like giving your kid a piggyback ride. That's a little different than I thought. I thought he was like a bag of potatoes and it was slung over his shoulder and the front legs on one side, back legs on the other. I like the fireman carry. Fireman carry that dog, like a rucksack running through.

That's what I was thinking. Like, what? On your shoulders, though, you were thinking like a kid. Like piggyback ride. As if it was a kid. Yeah, no, that's great, too. I like that, too. Yeah.

Because I just picture the guy running, fucking his balls flopping everywhere. And the dog just like grinning with his tongue. Yeah, yeah. Because dogs don't wear underwear either. What the fuck? What are you thinking? Like, fuck, we got to bring the dog. Dogs can run with you.

Maybe he was afraid it was going to nip if it saw something waggling. You know what I mean? A fucking pit bull? More than a nip. Man, they lock their jaws start shaking its head it extrudes it

like a fucking play-doh fun factory on you star shape I don't want to be star shape officers said they got a call

about every half a block from citizens. Gollum said they found the man's clothes in a parking lot between a restaurant and the mall. He said drugs were found in the clothes. What? That's crazy. I never thought that. Why now?

Officers went into the mall and found the couple hugging each other. He said, Macy's employees had wrapped a towel around them both. They were having a moment. That's very sweet. And I thought like, hugging each other?

Like, is this like, you're trying to explain like when your kids like walk in on you? Like, you're just hugging? We were just hugging.

I was tickling mommy. Colum said that when the man and the woman saw the police, the man ran away and the woman ran toward the officers. Okay. He's like, we'll confuse them. You run at them. I'll run away.

He's drawing up a play in his hand with X's and O's. He's just, all right. So when I call hike, when I say 32, 32 hike hike you run at them i will i will do a five step pack five steps back and then throw you the ball they said the man then destroyed plastic displays broke glass and cut his arm police said they followed quote the path of destruction and blood.

Oh, God. Until they found a man in the sock department. He's like an injured deer. It's like, right? Wait, where'd they find him? In the sock department. The worst part about that is being the employee and that's the destroyed sock department because you have to spend all

that time restocking the shelves. Stocking is kind of sock. So, I just wanted to say that. yeah. Yeah, police hit him

in the sock department. So, he left his girl because he traded hoes for hoes. He was busily just looking for that one sock

he just wants. That it fit right on his dick perfectly. It's like a Cinderella thing. He's like, no, no. It's like glass slipper in all the socks, pulling them off the rack. Like, I found the perfect one. So the moral of the story is,

don't dip your pot into angel dust. Is that the moral of the story? I think that was what they said, right? PCP? Yeah, the pair admitted taking marijuana and dipping it into a cup of pcp your cup runneth over at that point i'm just like picturing a cup full of pcp you're like i don't use too much uh dip the whole fucking joint in there though the only time I've ever seen liquid drugs,

I was at the Grateful Dead show. It was years ago. You know, God, last time I tripped. Well, it wasn't the last time I tripped. But it was that we wanted to get acid. And so the Grateful Dead was in town. And actually, we didn't really want to get acid. This one guy we were hanging out with

wanted to get a special kind of pot called nugs. And I had never heard of it before. It's called nugs is what he called it. And I don't know anything about pot or marijuana. I don't know anything about it. Right. All I know is like that.

I smoked a lot of it, but I don't know. I'm not a, I was never a connoisseur because getting it was kind of difficult where we came from. So it wasn't like, I wasn't one of those people who knew that this particular strand of it was certainly potent or not potent. I don't, I, I know a lot more about alcohol than I know a

lot about than I know about marijuana, but he wanted to get to stuff called nugs. And it was, I did try it and that shit was so powerful. You would do a one hitter of that. And then you would just melt into the sofa. It was just one, one hitter of it. You would sit back and then it was three hours later and you had just vegged out watching Ren and Stimpy for three straight hours. It was unreal, but he wanted to get some of that. And we decided we were going to get some acid and we were walking through the Grateful Dead show. And I remember, you know, when you walk through the parking lot of the Grateful Dead show, you literally like a carnival barker, just scream out what you want. And then people will respond. So he kept on walking down the aisles going, need some nugs, looking for some nugs, nugs,

nugs. And everybody would say, go check down the way there was a guy who had some. So we're walking down these aisles of people just partying, just getting wasted before the dead show. And as we're walking, we're saying trips, we're looking for trips, looking for trips. And there's no police there. We're just, I mean, it's just a drug market. And we were walking down. And as we walked, this guy said, I got some. And he said, I got some white blotter.

And we said, sure. And he said, okay, let me get you a baggie. He pulls out a baggie. And then he opens up a sucrette box, like the metal sucrette boxes. And it's literally topped off with liquid. And he reaches tweezers in there, pulls out a piece of paper, shakes it, puts it in a bag and does that a couple of times for us. And then we did acid that was literally just dried a few minutes

ago. Like that's what it was. Was it crazy strong? It was pretty strong. Like that stuff, it was like a 12 straight hour acid trip i was on for that it was like 12 straight hours um it was pretty baller it was it was a good one but it was i remember he's like the only time i'd ever seen liquid anything in a drug form that i can think of was at a grateful dead show could you imagine having a whole like solo cup full of pcp just sitting around your house just like what is happening in your life that you're like, yeah, pour me a cup of PCP. Just, you know what?

I was going to go orange juice, but, you know, it's that kind of morning. It's Wednesday, just half a glass for me. You know, like, I got to say, like, I've got

a pretty significant, like, coffee addiction. I wake up, I got to have some coffee or I get a headache. Wake up, you're like, oh, man, I better get some PCP in this thing I'll tell you what I am gonna be useless at work today if I

don't have a nice big cup of PCP also I'm gonna eat the face off a baby that's the next thing I'm gonna do is eat the face off a baby you can say a lot of things about the KKK. You can say that our dresses look stupid. You can say that we marry our sisters. You could say that we're a little more than scared, hate-mongering wimps. When it comes to Trump, we in the KKK say, nay, nay, nay, come again another day. So straight comes to the New York Post. Man wears KKK hood while grocery shopping in California. This isn't San Diego, California. Like, and I know that the rules around wearing a mask are somewhat like open to interpretation. But a Klan hood?

A Klan hood. Jesus, next thing you know, he's going to be driving on the road shooting a jogger. You know, like, what the fuck? A Klan hood. Jesus, next thing you know, he's going to be driving on the road shooting a jogger. You know, like what the fuck? Oh, God damn. That story is fucking nuts. Did you see the video? I just got an alert on my phone while we were doing,

while we were recording. They arrested those guys. Did they really? I just got an alert. Fucking good. Yeah, good. No shit. They never would have arrested him if that video hadn't emerged.

I know shit, right? It's such a shitty, that whole thing, you know, we're going to tangent off a little for a second. That was such a shitty thing to come out.

And it was something that everybody missed all over the country until that video sort of resurfaced and people started talking about it because it wasn't,

nobody was talking about it. I didn't see it and it had happened in February, right? So it happened a long time ago and I thought for sure it just happened recently, but And it had happened in February, right? So it happened a long time ago. And I thought for sure it just happened recently, but no, it happened in February. And it took so long for a video to resurface so that people could actually be kind of outraged about it. But man,

you know, one of the things that makes me crazy about the gun people, the real crazy gun people, is that they do things like, well, he was stealing, so I shot him. That's not a death sentence, right? And I know he's not, and I want to make sure that I mentioned that he's just jogging, right? But even your bad excuse is a bad excuse because you're saying, I'm allowed to murder people if they take a good from me from my house. We are able, in our country, we have these weird rules where it's like, oh, you were standing your ground or somebody came onto you and they threatened you. And so you're able to shoot someone to death if you feel afraid, or if you think they took 50 cents from you, that is the craziest set of rules regarding these unbelievable deadly weapons that we allowed

literally anyone to have. Yeah. It's like, I'm thinking of, I'm thinking of like when we took our, uh, concealed carry, like bullshit class and like people were asking, like they, they were asking questions that it's like, in what circumstances am I allowed to shoot people?

And like the only, and it's, it's like, you should, first of all, never want to be in a circumstance. Like you should always be like, God,

you know, I hope I never find that I'm in a circumstance where I have to kill another man. That sounds like the worst possible day to have. Sure. But there is a sense, I think, that people have, if they have a gun on them, that they're deputized. That they're the keeper of the peace. And that's exactly what their bullshit, and they lynched this guy.

They fucking straight up lynched this guy. But they said that they were trying to do a citizen's arrest. Yeah, yeah. Do you remember, I'm sorry for interrupting, but do you remember, it's so true because you remember in that class when he referred to people as perpetrators and we stopped you and I looked at each other and thought, I am not the arbiter of what someone is perpetrating. That we stopped you and I looked at each other and thought, I am not the arbiter

of what someone is perpetrating. That's not my job. I'm not that guy. Especially when you're talking about if it's happening to someone else. How the fuck am I gonna, a perpetrator is language that a law enforcement officer would use.

Dude, I got a friend of mine that like, it concealed carries all the time. And like, we were talking about concealed carry and he's like well you know like if there was like another shooting at a walmart you know like his fantasy thing that he's you know and that it doesn't talk about it as a fantasy but that's what it fucking is right yeah he said he would get his family out and then he would run

back in and confront the shooter and i'm like i don't think you can do that. Like, you can protect yourself. I don't think you can, like, go in and play cop. Cop. Like, I don't think you can do that. And he's like, well, what you can do and what you can get away with or something or different things or, you know, however he said it. He's like, I would feel like I had an obligation. The gun creates an obligation for me to protect others. And I'm like, dude, you're not Spider-Man.

You are not. You don't have an obligation. First of all, you choose to carry the fucking thing. Like, it's not like you're like, oh, I can spit fucking webs out of my wrists. I better use this for good. You didn't sign something in triplicate to make it so that you have to carry it every time. You just did something to make it so that you could carry it it every time. You just did something to make it so that you could carry it if you feel like you're in danger.

There's a difference in the feelings of it, right? It's totally different. Like if I'm in danger- I'm not a deputy. Yeah. But like, and also like socially, like we've agreed that like we need a police and there's a process to hire them

and there's a process to train them and I pay them. And so I want these, I want socially we've agreed in the contract that we want a certain kind of person under certain rules and circumstances to protect us with guns. Yeah. Yeah. Like they don't, not like some, yeah, not at all. Right. But like, yeah, no, they don't. And then they police themselves, which is the worst. So anyway, yeah. It's really not a great system, but But this one that we decided on. Someone just, my dad decided on it.

My dad's dad decided on it. I didn't decide on it. But anyway, go ahead. But like, there's no social contract called, yeah, we want the police to walk around with guns. Oh, and then also just anyone else who feels like it too. Yeah, just random citizens. Right.

Let's roll back to the story. So this guy is wearing his Klan hood in the middle of San Diego, and he's got this fucking Klan hood on it. I got to say, it's poor form on the New York Post to call out their subscribers like this. I mean, I think it's just really poor form. Also, if you look at this guy, has there ever been a more perfect uniform for a redneck fucking hillbilly racist than an ill-fitting camouflage shirt, cut off cargo shorts, and low top hiking boots?

I mean, seriously. When you look at it, you think about what the redneck uniform is when they secede again. That's it. Yeah. That's what it is. All of those things covering up a body by bush light, right? You're the doughiest motherfucker in the world.

Thank God your face is covered because my God. And I love it. Like they confronted him. They were like, none of that bullshit. No, none of that. And they made him take off his hood. I cannot even imagine how fucking stupid and chagrined this idiot must've felt when they were like, I did.

No, really? No, you gotta take your fucking hood off. Stupid. Get the fuck out of here. And I like taking your hood off. Isn't that like all the fucking racist white people were like, you know, no hoodies for black people. This is like the ultimate fucking hoodie. I'll tell you what. I think that if, if, if, if I saw somebody like that and they were coming toward me, I would stand my ground, right? Well, this would be, this would be enough to make you

afraid for real. I'm afraid I'm sorry. I'm afraid I was afraid. I'm afraid of the Klan hood, man. I'm just, I'm afraid I just shot him. I'm afraid of the Klan hood, man. I'm afraid. I just shot him. That's totally, like, it's so funny that, like, the thing that you have to prove is your internal feeling. Like, when you talk about, like, well, you know, I'm allowed to kill people if I feel scared. And to prove that I felt scared, I said I felt scared.

Because, like, we're basing whether or not someone is allowed to murder another human being on a report of their personal feelings at the time. That's fucking insane. That's like the cop standard. The cop standard is like I feared for my life. So your standard, the fucking standard that defines whether or not you can murder another human being is I totally told you how I felt at the time. The standard should be like you were really actually in danger. Yeah. It's almost like if you take

a cop to a movie, one of those terrible like jigsaw movies or whatever and he'd shoot the screen every time he jump scares. Just shoots the screen. Hey everybody, It's time for another ad read. And because I'm a responsible citizen, I'm wearing the mask

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Okay, Gary just gave me an update. Mm-hmm. Remember, everybody, eat your friends' and family's ass before Alex Jones does. That's not part of the ad copy. I'm sorry, Gary. It's okay.

You want to play Granny Simulator? Uh, sure. I needed to locate some of these real-life Florida men. First up was Robbie. Last July, he ran into a liquor store with a live alligator, for some reason. Florida man Robbie Stratton decided to bring an alligator with him while making a beer run. Yeah, I definitely regret it. It was stupid. Talk to me about the night that you became Florida man.

Can't really tell you much about that night. There's too much alcohol involved that night. Not just alcohol, though. There's probably a deep-rooted conspiracy. No, it was alcohol. So this story comes from WBRZ.com. And this would be tragic if it wasn't so funny the way that it happened. I know that's terrible. It's such a weird story.

It's so weird. I just got to read, yeah, woman killed by alligator while doing homeowner's nails. And like, when you just read that headline, you're like, well, how the fuck did that happen? What did you, did you have the, is this like a Flintstones thing where you have to put the fingernail in the alligator's mouth to clip it or something? What is happening? And the way that headline is written, you could read it that the alligator was doing the woman's nails. That would be my favorite thing. Look, I would risk death to have my nails done by an alligator.

I would risk the death. I would be willing to risk the death. by an alligator i would risk the death i would be willing to risk the death this is like this is one of those stories too and we'll read it but like this is one of those stories where you're like okay of all the things that didn't have to fucking happen that day no kidding right they this yeah so didn't have to happen what's that rosencrantz and guildenstern line and they said, at some point we could have just said no. And then the whole thing wouldn't have happened. And that's essentially what this is. It's just like, at some point you could have stopped yourself, lady. You could have stopped yourself. Like, this isn't like, remember that toddler was eaten by

that alligator by that pod here at Disney? And you're like, well, that's just tragic. And you're like, you know what? Sometimes predators eat things, but like, that's just tragic. This is not tragic. This just isn't. Columbia, South Carolina. Throughout the coronavirus outbreak, many have resorted to at-home salon services as non-essential businesses have closed. A woman in South Carolina was attacked and killed by an alligator in a gated community

while attempting to do the homeowner's nails on Friday. And like, yeah, but kind of no. Yeah, but the problem is that if you're not practicing good social distancing, someone's going to call the enforcement and they call the CDC, the Crocodile Disease Control, and they send out an enforcement officer. And that's what happens. You face the consequences.

Like, crocodile's wearing a little mask. It can't open its jaws around the mask. No, no's wearing a little mask. It can't open its jaws around the mask. no, no, no, goddammit. It's got big rubber gloves

on that don't fit and they're sort of flopping as it was. Like, if this woman had just done the other woman's nails, nobody would have been

even fine. The alligator was not indoors. Right. It was not a burglar alligator that you need to shoot with two rednecks. It was just a sneaky ninja alligator with like a fucking eye mask thing, like sneaks in,

repels its alligator self down the side of the wall. Authorities say 58-year-old Cynthia Covert was trying to touch the alligator when it grabbed her. Okay. I would say she touched the alligator. Now, the thing is, here's where I have very little sympathy. The reason why I don't have any sympathy for them is that when I, I drove down to Florida recently, and when I drove into Florida, I just got through whatever garbage state is above it. Georgia, maybe? I don't know. Whatever garbage state is above it.

And I came through to Florida. And I remember there's a big sign, welcome to Florida. 20 feet down the road is the biggest Dixie flag I've ever seen in my entire life. I'm not even kidding when I say the Dixie flag could have covered half of the side of the fucking Willis Tower. It was fucking enormous. And so I drive down a little bit farther and it's the first or second rest stop in Florida. And I get out of the car

and as I'm walking to go to the bathroom, I see a sign that says, beware of venomous snakes. And I just think to myself, where the fuck am I? What the fuck happened? What went wrong in my life? Why did my choices lead me here? Why am I here where I could feasibly get a, you know, a fucking, some kind of fucking weird fucking black mamba can attach itself to my fucking leg while I'm taking a piss. I don't want that to happen. So I thought to myself, here I am at a truck stop, rest stop area. And they even have

signs set up right there that tell you about venomous snakes. Can you imagine growing up? And I know you did grow up in Florida. You were constantly warned away from going near bodies of water because they're fucking full of fucking giant mouthy, teethy, grabby things. Well, I'll tell you an alligator story of growing up. But this is one of those stories that when you like I I've told this story before and I've always thought this was funny until

like I told this story when my wife and I were dating and she just she didn't like laugh at the end she's like your mother was a horrible mother I'm like I know it's really funny story though it's like when we were kids like we we went to visit, long story short, we went to go visit my mother and she lived at the time near a body of water that you could swim and play in. And there was alligators in the water because there's alligators in like all the natural ponds and bodies of water, or at least there's an assumption that there could be, right? And, but like the funny thing is like, and I'm not making this up, her rule, and we're like pretty little kids, her rule was like

if you see the alligator, get out of the water. That seems like a... And the problem with that is like... They travel underwater, right? When I see the alligator, it seems like first of all, it assumes there's only one alligator, right? And like

oh, I saw the alligator. Well, there can't be others. And like, when it goes underwater, it is not less dangerous, but so we're kids, right? So what we did, Cecil, is we would go to this pond and we'd want to go swimming and jumping off the dock and screwing around, but we'd see an alligator. And the rule was, if you see the alligator, you can't get in the water. Well, it's hot. We want to go play in the water. So we would grab rocks and throw rocks at the alligator.

Right, sure. Like you do. Until the alligator went underwater. That's smart. Can't see it anymore. And then we'd go swimming. Did you think of the alternative where you maybe closed your eyes

the whole time and just swam? No, right? Ah, la, la, la. Like, what the? I'm like, who let me swim there why would anybody let me swim there i was food you were food sized so she's trying to touch the alligator she was able to briefly get out of the animal's grip and stood waist deep in the kiowana island pond

she told the homeowner i love this so. I guess I won't do that again. Surprise. Yes, you will. After getting bitten by an alligator. But the alligator grabbed her in its jaws again and took her under. Covert died of drowning before Charleston County deputies

and firefighters were able to shoot and kill the alligator. They used poles to get her out of the pond. The homeowner, because they weren't going in there, right? They killed the alligator and they're like, guess what else is in there? Could be more alligators. Right? It's not like a fucking lone wolf.

It's an alligator. The homeowner told deputies Covert was professional in her salon, but was relaxed and excitable at her home. She also said Covert brought wine with her that she was drinking throughout the visit. While working on the porch, Covert saw the alligator and took photos of it. The woman and her husband that live at the residence screamed for her to get away from the alligator. As they saw it grab a deer a few days prior. Jesus Christ.

And then she told, so her response was, quote, I don't look like a deer. And reached out to touch the animal when it attacked her. And then she told, so her response was, quote, I don't look like a deer, and reached out to touch the animal when it attacked her. And then the alligator was like, alligator pond? You're soaking in it. So we want to thank all our patrons, but of course we want to thank our newest patrons, Ganavet, I don't know if I'm pronouncing that correctly, Chris, Kai, Gabe, Kellen,

Chicken Wings for Tom, Christy, Agent Octopus, Brian, Alex Stravaganza, Torian, North Idaho Brian, Enix, Ryan, Travis, influenza torian north idaho brian enix ryan travis christian thick james father of slim jim that's my favorite that's good you wrote sakuto jesus i don't know if i pronounced that correctly i did my best whoa in bleach trup now hunter t SF, Simon, Chris, Fred, Pell is a rocket spider. Once was found, but then touched by a noodley appendage is the last one there.

And then people who up their patronage. I thought I was a patron already. Ian, Rob, Gregory, Samantha, Karen, Tom, Oliver, JustCauseTomLikesTool, Jay, Richard, BreadBasketBlasphemer, Brian, Christopher, John, Christy, Chris Rick, Phil, Vincent, StolenCorporateCreditCard, Natalie, Wheelie2tired Shane Greg

John Robin Morepie Patrick Laura Malik Diana Manchicken wants to go to a restaurant

but doesn't want to kill his neighbors Eric Eric in Denver Robert Krista and Jessica Thank you so much for your generous donations and for upping your

pledges. We really do truly appreciate it. My cat who just yelled in the background appreciates it as well. So thank you so much. And things still look very grim, especially for me. Like I said last week, my boss tendered his resignation. They're now shifting me around in my position. I have no idea where things are going to go. I suspect I may have a job up until the summer or maybe through summer, but I don't know where things are going to go after that. And everything is still so up in the air for everyone right now. So we would ask you, if you enjoy the show, if you like the show, to please give if you have the funds and the ability and you're not one of the,

when this release is 50 million unemployed. So we got an image from Aaron. Aaron sent in the guys in Michigan hugging their guns, but someone has Photoshopped something in. We will post it on this week's show notes. It's very good. It's really quite great. Someone made a comment on our blog

and said that regarding Chile counts those who die to the regarding Chile counts, those who died of the Corona virus as recovered. That's because they're using the SIR statistical model. This is explained by a number file here and they left a YouTube stamp. S is susceptible people. I is infected. People are, is people who are no longer infectious because they've either recovered or

they died. So recovered isn't necessarily the best word to use, but it makes a nice acronym. Okay. So sir is the acronym. Yeah. I would say like, not necessarily the best word to use is something of an understatement. A little bit of an understatement, admittedly. Yeah. Yeah. We got a message from Kyle and Kyle said, I would eat Jack,

I would eat a New York style pizza with pasta and hot dogs before I'd eat Jack's pizza. So I bought one. Okay. And I haven't heated it up yet because so far I haven't been that hungry. Yeah, that's an apocalypse pizza. It is fucking straight apocalypse pizza. Yeah. Like it looks like one of those pizzas that you cook and then you roll it up.

Yeah. And then like you just, you eat it as fast as you can because you're fat. That's what you do. It's basically making plain rice and dumping Tabasco on it. Yeah.

How many times have I done that? A lot of times. We were both in college. We know what that's like. Rice and hot sauce. Oh, a lot of rice and hot sauce. Oh,

the last episode too, by the way, we ended with Ian screaming and it was perfect. And it's a perfectly cut scream and Rina sent a message in to say how perfectly cut the scream is.

Because we're busting Ian's chops about why don't we just let the stream crash again. And you just hear him. He starts to say something and it cuts perfectly in his exasperated scream. It's absolutely awesome.

Check out the last stream. I think it's the set. Because again, it cut because it cut in the middle. So if you go to YouTube, it's the second video. Suzanne says she wants to send us something from the embassy in Pakistan.

We don't have a, we can't give our address out because Tom and I aren't going to the studio. And if something gets delivered there, it will be stolen. So, we'd be happy to have you send us something

once we go back to working. It's just that we're not, we're not over at the studio now. Yeah, we're from home right now. Yeah, when we do, we will mention it on the air and say,

hey, we're not, we're not, one of us is back at the studio. You can send stuff because we can pick it up. a bunch of people sending messages asking about the masks.

The person who said that they had PPE that they were willing to donate to places. We have already hooked people up and handshook people. So if you send a message in, I should have responded to it

and told you I forwarded your message on. But that person will be then reaching out to you if they can and if their stuff is, if they still have stock and whatnot.

So expect a message if they're going to reach out to you. But I did not include his email. So he's going to reach out to you if he has the stuff. So if you sent a message last week and said, hey, I can use that PPE

that that person is producing. Look in your email. I may have responded to you already. Cameron sends in a message and says, why would Australia let you taste unaged whiskey? At that point, just sell it as moonshine.

Yeah, basically, that's what it was. They were having us taste unaged, unbarreled whiskey that they were making at their place to show how the process worked. I don't think that they sold it like that. They definitely added other flavors to make it taste terrible.

Because the whiskey that we, the place that we went to go do that at, I do not like a single whiskey they produce. You know, and it's funny because like, I see that brand at like a bunch of like high-end bars. Oh, we've got, you know, I'm not going to name it because I don't want to shame them, but like, I'll see it.

And I'm like, that's fucking awful shit. It's awful. It's sad too, because I would 100%, if there was a good distillery in Chicago, I would 100% back that distillery and tout it constantly as a Chicago pride thing. Right. Because Chicago is great for that, right?

Like we are great. That's one good thing that we do is we tout the things that we like and that we're famous for. And that's a distillery I just won't even buy for myself. I won't buy it as a gift. It's bad. It's so bad that like, if I see that's how a cocktail is made at a restaurant, I'll avoid that cocktail. Yeah. Joel sent in a message and he said that you had to get the

Pumas in the right color for them to look like Hitler. You couldn't just get the Pumas. They didn't all look like Hitler. You had to order them in a specific color because I did see a couple others. And when they're different colorations, it's harder to see. It just looks normal. Yeah, it looks like a normal shoe. Okay, all right. Tucker and another person sent in messages.

A couple people sent me messages privately that said, hey, I have that exact same sleep problem you have. Nobody offered me advice. Thank you very much. I appreciate it. But Tucker actually sent a message. He said, I'm not going to give you advice, but I will say that there was a story on NPR a while back

about how this syndrome is something that rural people have all the time that you wake up in the middle of the night and you have like a second evening, like a second, you go to sleep and then you have a second sleep. So you sleep kind of like early in the evening, you wake up in the middle of the night, you do your, a couple of hours of something. And he says, most of the time it's to get your freak on and then you go back to sleep. And he says, so that's a lot of people rurally have this thing where they have

their sleep cycle is split into two pieces. And I've heard this before, actually. I've heard this commented somewhere. I can't remember where else I heard it, but it's a common thing where people live that they just, you know, we're expected to get eight hours of sleep because we have to have eight hours of continuous work the following day. So we should get a nice long

batch of sleep, but you don't have to have that in other cultures. And so people do these weird, there's, there's weirder, there's, and I say weird, but it's not weird. It's just a different sleep schedule that people are on. I wonder what the more natural schedule is. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I, you know, to be honest, I think it's probably different for everybody. You know, the idea to try to say that one sleep schedule is the one to rule them all feels like a bad idea. You know, it doesn't feel like it fits everybody. Because, you know, clearly, you know, you know people and I know people that don't sleep very well. And then I know people who could sleep for days at a time. So it's just, you know, it's all individual. Right. Jim says a message and says, Hey, you can be a Twitch affiliate.

It's easier than being a partner. It requires streaming on seven different days, eight hours total in 30 days. That's still a lot for us. That's still, it's the days thing that gets us because Tom and I only stream once a week. So it's tough for us to do. I may be able to do a couple of gaming streams and see, but I don't know if I have to keep doing that over and over again. But yeah, we'll look into it. I don't know if there's something to commit to. Yeah, I'll look into it.

And if I only have to do that one month, I will try to do, we'll do the stream and then I'll try to be on for four extra hours sometime in the month. And we'll see if we can get a live stream that way. But I'll look into it. Thanks for sending the message, Jim. We got a message from John and John said,

hey guys, it's John from Rhode Island. I just want to say that the state has plenty of people. Yeah. No, it does not. I looked up the number of people in Providence, Rhode Island. It's like 176,000 people. Okay, that's pretty small. That's not plenty.

There's nobody there. Yeah, that's pretty small. That's not plenty. There's nobody there. Yeah, that's pretty small. But, you know, I mean, that's probably like, admittedly, all those people could hold hands and they'd cross the state. So next week,

it's our plan to possibly stream. Check your social medias. Tom's not going to be around. Tom's going to be busy, but I might be streaming a game next week, playing a game or maybe running one story with a couple of other people. Check your social media to see if that's on

during the day on Thursday. I'm pretty sure I'm like, at this point, I'm like 75% sure I'm going to do it. But check your social media that day, Facebook, Twitter, and double check that the stream's going to be happening that night. It should be happening,

but just double check to make sure. If something comes up for me, I may not wind up doing it. But we want to thank everybody for joining us on our live streams. If you miss our live streams, our live streams are a lot of fun. Yeah, they are. We're doing a full extra hour of content for people

and we're having a blast doing it. And you get a chance to watch and listen to the clips while we listen to them. And so it's a lot of fun and listen to the clips while we listen to them. And so it's a lot of fun and people are really enjoying them. So come check out our streams on Thursday nights, 9 p.m. We know you're going to enjoy it. So just take the time out of your day. Come see us. Come hang out with us. We are almost positive you're going to have a great time. I want to thank Allison Gill from American Atheist for joining us tonight to talk about the reality check report that they put out.

We're going to link to it on this week's show notes. You can check it out. Thank you to American Atheist for sending Allison to come on the show and talk about it. That is going to wrap it up for this week. We're going to leave it like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water downward spiral, brain dead pan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment.

Leo Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques, and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, double-speak stigmata, nonsense. Expose your signs. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and information provided on this podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. All opinions are solely that of Glory Hole Studios LLC. Cognitive dissonance makes no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information

and will not be liable for any errors, damages, or butthurt arising from consumption. All information is provided on an as-is basis. No refunds. Produced in association with the local dairy council and viewers like you.