Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 540: Dime Store Attorney General

Episode Date: September 7, 2020

Stories from the Week  

Today's show is brought to you by AdamandEve.com. Go to AdamandEve.com right now and you'll get 50% off just about any item. All you have to do is enter the code word GLORY, G-L-O-R-Y, at checkout. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording live from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago. Sort of. This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way.

We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome mat. This is episode 540 of Cognitive Distance. And this week we are joined by Dan and Jordan from Knowledge Fight. Dan and Jordan, say hi, guys. Guys? Say hi, guys.

Guys, are you there? Guys. Oh, you know what? We're not fucking joined by Dan and Jordan from Knowledge Fight. Because what they did instead of joining us today is they wasted 40 minutes of our fucking time trying to figure out where to plug their headphones in or whatever they couldn't do. Jesus Christ. So it's just the Tom and Cecil show again. So, Tom, how you doing?

Yeah, buddy. Hey, you know, we should do a show. Sans the 40 minutes we had prepared to spend with those guys. I will say I sympathize to the suckiness that is being an amateur and trying to do this work. Like it sucks so bad to not just be able to look at your computer and say, can you fucking do this for me, please? But to be be fair i've worked with professionals that don't have any idea what they're doing everybody i am convinced on the it side everyone's like all right the only that differentiates an it expert from an it amateur is the it experts have a longer trial

and error list of shit yeah right yeah that's real it's just like nobody knows why it's broken they never like oh oh, I know exactly what the problem is and what caused it. Instead, they're like, all right, I have a laundry list of fucking buttons

and switches and levers and dials to try. Everyone has, everyone has a hunch, right? Yeah, exactly. Seriously, we talked to Ian.

I'm like, Ian, I've talked to so many, I'm like, somebody tell me why it happened. They don't want to answer. They don't like,

no, no, no, no. What you got to do is you got to, you got to clear your cash. And I'm like, somebody tell me why it happened. They don't want to answer. They don't like, no, no, no, no. What you got to do is you got to, you got to clear your cash. And I'm like, why do I have to clear my cash? Do not Tom, pull back the curtain. You do not want to pull back the curtain.

None of them. Because it's just an old dude in his underwear. Right. Yeah, exactly. I don't know how it works either. They're just like, what I know is that sometimes if I hit these buttons in this order,

the computer doesn't catch on fire differently. How do we build something when none of us know how it works? Fuck us. All right. So next week, maybe next week or two weeks from now, when we get our technical difficulties hammered out, we're going to have a knowledge fight back on for another Chicago love episode, another Chicago pod with a Chicago pod hanging out. We have a lot of fun hanging out with them. We're hoping in a couple of weeks, but we're not doing it this week. It's not tonight. It's not tonight. All of your diseases are in perfect balance. Here's the door to your body. You see? And these are oversized novelty germs. That's influenza, that's bronchitis,

and this cute little cuddle bug is pancreatic cancer. Here's what happens when they all try to get through the door at once. Move it, counter head! We call it Three Stooges Syndrome. So what you're saying is I'm indestructible? Oh no, no. In fact, even a slight breeze I'm indestructible. Oh, no, no. And in fact, even a slight breeze. Indestructible. This story is from Cleveland 19 News. UH expert, this story made me so angry and all the fucking hullabaloo around this. UH expert explains latest CDC numbers. She says changes

nothing about COVID-19. So I got home the other day and Haley is like, what is going on with the CDC changing their numbers? And I had read this story and many others. And I said, well, I don't even know what you're talking about. She's like, oh, there's all these people all over the internet saying that there's only 6,000 or 10,000 deaths now from COVID. And I was like, what the fuck are you even talking? So I had to look up CDC changes, numbers, stupid fucking conspiracy bullshit in order to find out that like the CDC, what they did is they released the study or they released numbers that said, look, 94% of the cases where COVID is fatal in 94% of those cases,

somebody has a comorbidity associated with the COVID, which causes them to die, right? And so the fucking crazy people who've decided to weirdly politicize a disease, which is a bizarre thing to fucking politicize, they have latched onto this. They're like, well, if 180,000 people have died, 94% had something else going on.

So really they're saying the only actual COVID deaths are 10,800. It's like, no, no, no, no, no's like, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. If you have a boat that is rated to hold two people, it can float holding two people for a long time

because that's what the boat can do. Yeah. But then if a third person jumps in the boat and the boat fucking sinks, the third person that jumped in the boat sunk the fucking boat. It's literally the same thing. It's like you can be diabetic and live with diabetes.

Yeah. You can be obese and diabetic and live with obesity and diabetes. But if you're obese and diabetic and you get COVID, your chances are not real good anymore. Yeah. It's not that you didn't die from the COVID. Oh, they died from the diabetes. No, absolutely. They were doing just fine.

They were chugging along. Yeah. Just fucking fine. My dad, when my dad passed away, my dad had cirrhosis. He had, I think, some lung cancer. He was in his mid-70s. He had, you know, in his mid seventies, he had, you know, all these problems with his body, but he was a lot. He walked out to the, to go get the mail on a winter day, fell and broke his leg. And he died two months later. Technically the broken leg killed him. Yeah.

Right. I mean, cause if he didn't have a broken leg, he wasn't going to die two months later, be in the hospital, have heart attacks, all that stuff, because his body couldn't take one more problem. It couldn't take that one more issue. And so he technically, I mean, really, he died from a broken leg. Yeah, the cirrhosis had a part.

Sure, those other things have a part. They cause some of that. They're a problem, but they're not the thing that killed the person. And you know, like, like, aren't we just splitting hairs at this point too? Thank you. Like, like, look, I just, I just keep thinking like, like what, like what fucking difference does any of this make? Like what, like functionally, like how fucking goddamn stupid are you? First of all, none of this is new information. From the very beginning of the pandemic, this information has been out there that the people who are most susceptible of dying from COVID and having the worst reactions to COVID have comorbidities associated with the progression of the disease. And that's only a chance too. It's not 100% because there's plenty of healthy people

that got fucked up by this thing. Absolutely. Absolutely. But like if they're saying 94%, then 6% of people just die from the fucking COVID. Right?

So, but like from the beginning, we've known this. This has been like, we've known this since April. Yeah. This is not new information. There's nothing,

there's nothing even remotely new about this. But somehow they're seizing on it like, whoa, whoa, COVID's not that bad. COVID's that fucking bad. Like, COVID is that fucking bad because, like, I'm overweight, but I'm doing just fine, thank you. Yeah. But, like, and I have a little bit of asthma, but I'm doing just fine, thank you.

But if I got the COVID, maybe I wouldn't be doing all that well. Yeah, no. Like, okay. Like, I'm not even sure like why this is difficult for people to understand. I think, I really do think that there's some sort of weird top-down pressure that says, let's turn this in.

Let's make this look like it's not as bad as it is. Let's try to put this in a light so that people see it and don't think it's as bad. So it doesn't reflect as badly on us. It doesn't. But the thing is, is like, you know, you have anti-maskers and bad mask policy. You have bad rollout of facilities.

You have all the problems that are associated with bad leadership involved in this entire COVID process. And they want to make it look like, well, they just didn't die from COVID. It's like, well, no, all those things contributed to their deaths. All those things contributed, right? It wasn't just one thing. All those things contributed to our death. You don't get off.

You don't get a fucking get out of jail free card because you want to fucking tweak the numbers. This is one of those bullshit things where somebody calls you out on the internet on something, and then you go back and you find the one hair of something that you can stand on to move over and see, but I really meant this and push it. You're pushing the bounds of the argument.

You're moving the goalposts, and this is exactly what's happening here. Anybody who reads this information and is is one, surprised by it as if it were new, just has like, this is the first news story

about COVID you've read. Yeah. Like this is seriously, the only way that you'd be surprised by this is if you were just like, COVID, how do you spell it? C-D-C?

Tom, Tom, Adam Carolla this week tweeted out. Adam Carolla's a fucking idiot. This was September 1st. Yeah. What a piece of trash this guy is. Yes.

Turns out people dying from COVID are old or sick or both. How many of you pussies, and he spelled pussy with a Y apostrophe S there, like a fucking idiot. Like the pussy owns it? Like the pussy owns it? I don't know.

The possessive form of pussy? How many of you possessive pussies, how many of you pussies got played? And who's going to get played next time is what he said. So it's like, what he's saying is that essentially it's all a hoax. If only 6,000 people died, it's all a hoax. Well, you're just too stupid to

realize you don't understand how numbers work or possessive fucking nouns. Or like, we're just like completely devaluing the lives of sick and old people. Oh yeah. Sick and old people are just like, like my aunt died from this. Yes. She was diabetic and she was overweight, but she was alive. Yeah. She was like, she was a nice person. She was alive. Like it would have been better had she not gotten it. Cause she probably would still fucking be

alive. Like I don't devalue her life because she was sick. Like I don't devalue someone's life because they're old. Like in this whole thing, like my biggest fear in the fucking COVID thing is that my dad's going to get it. Like my dad is really my only family that I know or that I'm close to at all. And he's not in great health and he has lung issues.

And he's like 72. He's like every box that you could check that means don't get this. He's checked every box. He checks that box. You know, like, but there's no world where I'm like, oh, but he's old and sick. So he doesn't matter. So it doesn't matter. It would break my fucking heart.

Yeah. It wouldn't matter. Yeah. Like how to, like, like, I don't understand, like what a fucking shitty privilege there. But for the grace of God, go I kind of nonsense is this right? Like, yeah. All right.

I guess you're fucking lucky. You're not old yet. Yeah. But you're going to be like, I'm going to be old anyway. I know. Right. Old anyway.

Fuck. Like we just don't love any old people. Like after the age of 60, I can't feel love for people anymore. So just the way people are attacking other human beings constantly. Oh, well, you're overweight, so you deserve to get it.

Like, fuck off. Yeah, no shit. Fucking eat a dick. How about fucking suck a cock, you motherfucker? You shouldn't fucking die because you liked

fucking butter. I mean, what the fuck? Have you ever been bullied, humiliated, and scared by someone bigger, stronger, or older than you? I've seen my share of wars on the basketball court. But the last place you want to be at war is on the street. Being bullied isn't fun. That's why it's important for you, all of us, to become street smart. Oh, holy shit.

Jesus Christ, Tom. So this story's from BuzzFeed News. But could things be weirder how is this even possible what okay republican member of congress threatened to kill armed demonstrators in a facebook post so lest you think here's the thing about fucking facebook idiot like once you post it the world has screenshotted there's no takes theseies-backsies. You can't do that like, well, I never said it. It's fucking, it's out there, dumbass. So here's what this piece of garbage wrote on his personal verified Captain Clay Higgins Facebook page. He posted this along with a picture of an armed

black militia group that had protested the killings of Breonna Taylor and George Floyd. He wrote, If this shows up, we'll consider the armed presence a real threat. We don't care what color you are. We don't care if you're left or right. If you show up like this, we recognize threat. You won't walk away. I wouldn't even spill my beer.

We are SWAT, nothing personal. We just eliminate the threat. That's not a challenge, fellas. It's a promise. And then he says, You're the ones threatening if you show yourselves aggressively natured and armed in my presence. We don't want to see your worthless ass, nor do we want to make your mothers cry. How are you talking about other people to just be like, yeah, I would just fucking wipe you out, just kill you without a second thought. What does that make

you feel about SWAT teams after you hear that? How do I feel about a SWAT team person after I hear that? Is that supposed to make me feel good about SWAT teams and their existence? You know, I'm not really sure, Cecil, why everyone is talking about how the cops have low regard for human life. Anyway, I was on SWAT and I'd kill you without spilling my beer. Yeah. I have a high regard for human life. yeah i have a high regard for human life what like he says this thing i drop any 10 of you where you stand oh god yeah this is this is where you're chatting are you how pathetic are you that you're saying that on facebook i know also like oh my gosh dude i hope you get a wedgie i hope somebody gives you a facebook wedgie he's's such a, he's one of those. I am.

I am very bad-ass type of people that screenshot it. And there's like, I have my own Katana collection at home and I sharpen them every day. And I look at a picture. It's like, you're such a loser, dude. Holy shit.

I love to like the guys who like brag about how, like I could shoot you. It's like anybody can shoot somebody. It's literally easy. I love too, like the guys who like brag about how like, I could shoot you. It's like anybody can shoot somebody. It's literally easy. It's like, it's not like it's like difficult to do. It's like, I pointed this cylinder in your direction and squeezed my finger. Here's one calorie of energy and a steady hand.

That's all it took. No, like with the fucking guns you have now, it doesn't have to be that steady. You just keep shooting till somebody falls over. Like shooting is fucking easy. They talk about it like it's like some, oh, I'm a badass because I could shoot somebody. It's like kids shoot each other accidentally. Yeah.

Little kids. Yeah. It's not like it's like, oh, I'm going to put you in a fucking arm bar. Like, oh, I'm going to get you in a fucking Kimura. Oh, that takes some skill. Yeah. Shooting somebody? A baby could literally do that because they have.

It's like acting you're tough because you planted an IED somewhere. Right. Right. Man, I kick your ass so bad I'll blow up your car. The easiest thing to do in America is to buy a gun and use it. I know. Like, it does not make you tough to have a gun. It just means you had a couple of dollars in your pocket

or a credit card you could rack up. That's it. Yeah. There's plenty of irresponsible gun owners out there. This guy seems like one of them. Yeah, it's not like it's a high bar. He's a member of Congress. What is happening, Tom, where people that are fucking in office

are saying things like I will kill you. What is happening, Tom, where people that are fucking in office are saying things like, I will kill you? What is happening right now? I have no idea. Cecil, on one side of the argument, you've got the people that support Kyle Rittenhouse and his right to show up to a protest with a great big giant gun. So if you support that, you have to show up, you have to support, like, people showing up with great big giant guns places.

Yeah, that has to be your default position, right? Right, like, you have to say, like, okay, it's okay to show up with enormous fucking guns in public squares.

I happen to be of the opinion, by the way, that that's a really fucking goofball crazy thing that only America would allow. And we shouldn't allow it. And we shouldn't. That's bonkers.

That's absolutely bonkers. But like the right loves that the right doesn't want to take away the right to bear arms. They don't want to take away open carry. They don't want to take away like they want they want people to gather on the steps of the Capitol and protest Democrats armed to the teeth. They don't, though. But they want the right people and the right people are white people that agree with them. armed to the teeth. They don't, though. But they want the right people, and the right people are white people that agree with them. That's

the right people. Exactly. Because fucking, you know, look at the fucking laws that got passed in California, the gun laws that were passed by Ronald Reagan, but when the Black Panthers started getting guns. So, you know, specifically, they don't want people of color, and they don't want people who disagree with them to have

weapons. They want their side to have the weapons and no one else to have the weapons. Yeah, it's almost like not having simple, stupid proof weapons in the hands of every idiot who can just buy one. It's almost as if that doesn't make things better. Like, oh, that didn't tamp down and de-escalate the problem? Oh, it's so weird. What a crazy world. Member of fucking Congress, my friend. How do you not get fucking kicked out

for something like this? I have no idea. Fucking, what? Goddamn, Steve King said out loud, what about white nationalism? What's so bad about white nationalism? He got censured and then lost. Can't you do something like that to this person?

Who's like, I'll fucking kill you without taking this toothpick out my mouth. It's like, why can't you censor that? Don't you be like, no, you can't do that. You can't say those things out loud and you're gone. Yeah, well, the thing is like, that's now the default position of the law and order, right? Don't you think it was like a little suspicious? It was a little suspicious.

Every dead black person in police find has crack sprinkled on them. I mean, come on. Come on, man. Who gets shot and sprinkles crack on themselves? Nobody. All right. So Attorney General Barr has had an interesting couple of days. Did you see his fucking comments about how it may or may not be fucking legal to vote twice?

Okay. You know what's it's crazy see so it didn't make the show notes because it happened today and like every day is so insane i i seriously i've started doing this thing guys i i find the stories that we cover on the show and i used to used to be the rule was i would have to post the stories for cecil to look at on monday right and we record on thursday so i try to record i try to post them for cecil to look at on Monday, right? And we record on Thursday. So I try to record, I try to post them for Cecil to look at Monday. And then as the world has grown increasingly fucking bananas,

like Monday doesn't matter anymore by Thursday. And then by the time you guys get this, it's the next Monday. It doesn't matter anyway. That story, who cares? So I seriously, I look for stories about nine o'clock in the evening after the kids are put to bed on Wednesdays.

So about nine o'clock the day before we record. And half the time I miss a third of the stories we're going to talk about because I go to sleep and I wake up and it's like, oh, my fucking God. How could the world have gotten worse while I was sleeping? How could it have gotten worse? It never stops. So it didn't even make the show notes. You can find it anywhere. Attorney General Barr was asked, because Donald Trump told North Carolina that they should vote twice, that they should vote by mail and show up to vote. Basically, he's like, we should stress test it.

But what he really means is we should cast doubt on the entire electoral process. Yeah. Right. And we should break the system. So they asked Attorney General Barr like, process yeah right and we should break the system so they asked attorney general bar like hey that seems felonious to even suggest yeah like isn't that like illegal the fucking attorney general was like i'm not sure what the law is i'm not a law talking guy in north carolina you don't know what the law is about voting look i can tell you I don't have a fucking degree in any law talking. North Carolina or otherwise. But I know this motherfucker, you can't vote twice.

If you're a regular attorney, do you have to salute the attorney general? Only if he's a five-star attorney general. He's a five-star attorney general. This guy's a fucking one-star. He's a five-star attorney general. He's a five-star attorney general. This guy's a fucking one-star. This one's a dime-store attorney general, man. The fuck? I don't know if it's...

I don't know if you can buy... It's a level of un-fucking-real I cannot get to. I just can't get to. I just... I saw it. I was like, are you fucking serious right now?

Yeah. He is the most disingenuous human being that has ever lived. Seriously. I'm not a puppet of the administration, but sir, can you say that without the president's tiny male form penis in your mouth? No, I cannot. I can't.

This stays in the whole time. It's the only way I can speak. Yeah. It's a tongue depressor. For fuck's sake. So then here's this from Axios. Barr says epidemic of police brutality against black people is a false narrative. So here's what he actually said.

I want to get his actual quotes in here. He said, because I just like this is one of those like I do not think these words mean what you think they mean. I did say that I do think there appears to be a phenomenon in the country where African-Americans feel that they're treated when they're stopped by police frequently as suspects before they are treated as citizens. I don't think that that necessarily reflects the deep-seated racism. In police departments or in most police officers, I think the same kind of behavior is done by African-American police officers. Then this is the best part. This is the best part. I think there are stereotypes

I think people operate very frequently according to stereotypes and I think it takes extra precaution on the part of law enforcement to make sure we don't reduce people to stereotypes I think there are some situations where statistics would suggest that they are treated differently but I don't think that that's necessarily racism

what is it then? what is it? what in the way I think that that's necessarily racism. What is it then? What is it? What in the way? What is it? I think that the only way that you can read that is it's not racism if black people really are worse. Yeah. Right?

Yeah. No, it's not. It's not racism, Tom. If I actively think racism is right. Right. That's exactly. That's the only way that you can make sense of. There are stare. Look, I think statistically

black people are treated worse. And I think that's because of stereotypes, but somehow I don't think that's racism. Well, yeah, you got, I mean, whoo, there are some mental gymnastics required for you to believe

all of those things at the same time. It's like two plus two equals false. Not doing it. I saw this week, there was a New York Times article that came out where they were showing there's someone at Harvard had done a study and they showed how often people of color are treated differently. And it's drastic the amount that they're treated differently. are treated differently. And it's drastic, the amount that they're treated differently.

Now, the study did finally, I think, conclude that shootings happen about the same amount of time between white and black people. But the thing is, is that they happen, all the other stuff happens. And we're talking about getting frisked, thrown up against a wall,

all the things that happen, essentially, to black people that are not happening to white people of the same. And this was a study done in New York city, right? So it was only like, I think done in one city. It wasn't like across the nation. So it looked like New York city was not shooting black people as often. Um, but they were doing all these other thrown up against the wall, putting their hands on them, basically, like he said, treating them like criminals before they're actually, before anything's been shown.

And, you know, the one thing too that I saw this week and I think it's interesting to point out and because I think people don't think of this and they don't think this out loud and it didn't even occur to me

until I saw this tweet that someone could think this. Saying that there's systemic racism doesn't mean that, say, the United States itself, the people in the United States are a majority of racists or that most people are racist in this country. It's just saying that the system itself is racist. And I think people don't get that.

They think a system of white supremacy means that I have to be a white supremacist if I'm white. And that's not necessarily true. It just means that there's a system that is in place that is constantly pushing black people down. It's there and it's evident and it's showing constantly over and over and over again. That doesn't necessarily mean that people themselves individually are racist. And it occurred to me this week when I saw it, I was like, oh, someone could think that when they hear a system of white supremacy in the United States could think,

oh, well, that means that the United States is racist and that everybody in the United States is racist. No, that's not what anybody's saying. And I think there's so many people that they hear this and then they feel accused by it and then they want to push against it. You're like, no, no, no, it's okay.

I understand your reaction and I get their reaction, but you've got to recognize all these different systems in place that are there to basically subjugate black people. Yeah, and they're longstanding. And like, just because you individually don't think that you're a part of it. I also think it's fair to say like, yeah, but I've been enculturated by this. Exactly. No, absolutely. Right. Like I have, like, I know that, I know that like, that I have, I know that, that one of the things that I have a responsibility to do is

to see and recognize the ways that I have been socialized within a system that is a racist system. And it's going to have an impact on my subconscious feelings. Attorney General Barr actually says something about that. He says, didn't Jesse Jackson say when he looks behind him and he sees a group of young black males walking behind him, he's more scared than when he sees a group of young white youths walking behind him. Does that make him a racist? And the answer is yes, that does. Yes, that does. That is racist to be more scared of black people

than of white people. That is racist. Now, I'm not saying that people don't feel that way. I think that there are people that feel that way. And it's our responsibility to recognize that those feelings are false, right? And that like, even if you have those feelings, you don't have to blame yourself for having them, but you should recognize that you have them, recognize that they're false, right? And that like, even if you have those feelings, like you don't have to blame yourself

for having them, but you should recognize that you have them, recognize that they're false and work to try to eradicate them. Yeah, try to fix them. And even if you can't eradicate them within your own person,

it is absolutely your responsibility to refuse to perpetuate systems that enshrine those feelings, right? Like stop and frisk or a racial profiling. Right. Because the one thing I don't want to do is to pretend that any of us live outside the rubric of the society in which we are created, right?

So we are all enculturated in these societies. They all have subconscious effects on how we move through the world and on our likes and dislikes, our preferences, our fears, our assumptions, our biases. And like, there's no world where everybody just like all of a sudden wakes up one day and immediately has the opportunity to see and evaluate all of those things about themselves and just fix them. Like, that's just utopian. But like, I do think we can step back from our own personal experience and look at like,

what do I support system-wide? What do I support in terms of policy? You know, I was looking at like this same article, Cecil, and it's not just like police. Like once people are arrested, like people of color are disproportionately sentenced to much, much longer, much harsher prison sentences. But interestingly, like people of color, if the victim is white, get sentenced even more deeply.

Yeah. Like when they look at it, like black defendants who victimize whites tend to receive more severe sentences than both blacks who victimize other blacks and whites who victimize whites. When you look at those, when you look at those like numbers,

you can see a system which none of that is enshrined into law, but all of that is built into the underlying biases that people socially hold. And we have to have a responsibility to see that, to know it, to crunch the numbers, and to feel uncomfortable about that. And to say, we have to put systems that check us, right? Because right now, there's no systems that check us, right? Because right now there's no systems that check us from behaving badly.

And if we're going to be subject to a bunch of unconscious decision-making as a result of how we're socialized, I think we have to build systems that kind of guard against those unconscious decisions. Yeah, and you know, one of the things too is that it's not just sentencing, it's what happens afterwards. Because being disenfranchised in this country because you're a felon is something that's happened to black people forever And it essentially disenfranchises you from a lot of different systems in this country

And we treat you like you're a criminal forever, even though we say your debt is paid we say, okay Right, you know We we said that this was the amount of time that you needed to spend in prison or whatever. And then once that's done, it's done, but that's, it's never done. It's never finished. You're always, you're never going to get a good job because of that. You're never going to some places. You won't vote again. Some places you have to pay fines that have racked up based on this. And you'll never vote again because you can't, you can't pay the fines. You're disenfranchised as a human. You're less of a person. Yeah. There's no coming. Like we've, we've built systems where there's no coming back from our mistakes. Right. And that's, and, and,

but the problem is like you have, we have the highest per capita incarceration rate of any country on the planet. And so we throw a ton of people in jail and then we say, okay, we threw you in jail and now you're out of jail. But you know what? You're always a little in jail. You're always in jail. You're always technically in jail. You can't take your hand off base.

No matter what, you can't take your hand off base. Yeah. But yeah, that's not systemic racism. No, it's not systemic at all. It's just that I'm afraid of black people when I see them. Yeah. And so is Jesse Jackson, so it's not racist.

Right. And I'm the attorney general. Like that's the other thing is like you are representative. I don't let this go, but like that you are representative of legal power at a level that is just insane. And you are going to say things that belie a total lack of understanding of like what fucking racism really is and how fucking pernicious it is and you are that powerful yeah fuck you man fuck you well you know the drill everybody it's time to go to adamandeve.com and use that code glory why because you get 50 off almost any one item you get that free shipping get those sex toys while you're staying at home, playing at home. It's fun. It's great.

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You know what I'm saying? Adam and Eve. Adam and Steve. Get that Jeeves. Oh, my God. Don't leave. Kill you on your knees. Lick my bees.

God damn it, Gary. This is not going to pass the censors. Oh, well. Great. Now we're age-restricted. I'll give you something age-restricted. Gary, disgusting. You weren't saying that last night.

Shut up! All right, fine. I'll go into the freaking candy cave. This had better be good. Yeah. Goodbye, Charlie. Yeah, goodbye, Charlie. Goodbye?

What? Hey, what's going on here? Hello? Who is that? Oh, what happened? Oh oh they took my freaking kidney all right so uh 2020 2020 we are at a point cecil where now the wind and the seas are stealing our children that is how bad that is how fucking crazy this year has become. Two stories this week, two stories. Here's one from the New York Post. Little girl drifts out to sea on inflatable unicorn, which sounds adorable,

but is not, gets rescued by fairy. It's really not because she's out in the middle of nowhere. She's out in the middle. So like, this is terrifying. Like this, this, uh, this little girl, she's only three years old. She gets put by her parents on this inflatable unicorn, like raft thing on the beach. And then the wind is just like, blows her ass out to sea. And they're just like, fuck, they go swimming after her.

They can't catch her. The fucking riptide just takes her away. She's hundreds of meters out to sea before anybody can yeah can help her and she has to get rescued by a fucking fairy the fairy book and you know these i was reading too like like this this is not a beach toy this is a this is a pool toy this isn't uh it's a it's it's not and so there's a reason why you wouldn't want to use it in a beach because the wind can't take you essentially turn you into a fucking now you're now you're one of those people like washed out to sea and literally

that's exactly what happened you washed out to sea right i mean like it is just it is just fucking unbelievably fortunate that this ferry captain happened to see this little girl in the ocean amidst the oceanings that were happening and then he had this enormous fucking boat and he had to pull off these like mad boat maneuvers to like not tip her over because this thing is big enough it holds like 500 cars yeah he had to like do his like engines in a way to create like a lake of like peaceable water so that he could like pull up alongside her without like swamping her with the enormity of his fucking boat. Insane. Yeah. No, insane level of insanity there. And it,

it is peak 2020 though, admittedly. It is. It is. And so is this again, three-year-old girl, three-year-old girl in Taiwan. There's having this like, did you happen to see the video for this? I did see it. I showed it to Sarah without her knowing how it ended. So I didn't tell her how it ended. And I put it on. I said, oh, you got to see this video. And as soon as it happened, she put her hands around. She's like, oh my God.

Oh my God. And I'm like, that's a little kid up there. And she's like, what happened? And I'm like, you have to wait till the end of the video. She's like, what happened? What happened? So there's a kite festival in Taiwan and this three-year-old girl gets like caught up

in the strings of the kite. I thought she was just holding on when I first saw it. I was like, good grip. Way to go. I got to say like good fucking thing

she got as tangled as she got. As tangled, absolutely. Because she's up in the air by, you know, hundreds of feet it looks like. It looks really absolutely. Because she's up in the air by, you know, hundreds of feet, it looks like. It looks really high. And she is flapping around, just flying.

And this thing is essentially whiplashing her around because it's a really, you know, a good kite. That's a good kite. It's a really sweet kite. That kite's good. They didn't even have to do that thing where they run with it and just get stuck in a tree and never even went anywhere. Get struck by lightning and it hits a key.

None of that stuff. This is a solid kite. The only problem with the kite is the fucking kid's attached to it. So this thing flies up in the air and whips this kid around. It's up there for a while, too, before they pull this thing back down. We're just at a place where 2020 is seizing our children by the elements. What's fucking next? What is next? Just fire is just going to leap

up and eat our babies? I think a kid's going to have to fight his way out of quicksand next week. I think it's going to happen. Quicksand and then one's going to fall into a volcano and make it out. Somebody's going to put their kid in a volcano on an inflatable animal and come back in an hour.

Would you like to mega tease your tacos for 20 cents? They're terrific that way. Good suggestion. How about a drink to wash that down? Good suggestion. Uh,

uh, have you tried our extreme Monterey Jack Cheese Guacamole Sour Cream Chicken Burrito Supreme Bel Grande? Good suggestion. So this story comes from OKC Fox.

Man arrested for going through Taco Bell drive-thru naked says his clothes were in the washer. What? He's like, the only reasonable excuse, he probably went to Taco Bell earlier and just shit himself out of his clothes. He's just, he's installed a little hole on his seat that just shits as he goes. It just shits right out of his car. His car is like a rolling outhouse. He just eats Taco Bell and then shits it out.

He's like, it's like a weird Flintstones. It's powered by his own methane. He just, he's, he's just crop dusting in his car all the time god how nasty so in what world are you like man all of my clothes are dirty all of them and they're in the washer and i gotta wait about an hour but and it's fucking it's delivery world now, motherfucker.

No, I know, right? There's Grubhub. There's DoorDash. There's whatever. There's Uber Eats. There's whatever you want. I got to go get some taco, bro. Like, that's just got to happen.

Look, man. I got to get out of the house. I'm going a little stir crazy in here. Right. A fucking seven-layer burrito ain't going to eat itself. I'm going to bring my burrito out into the sunshine. And I'm not going to layer it. Don't worry. That's more like a three-layer burrito ain't going to eat itself. I'm going to bring my burrito out into the sunshine. And I'm not going to layer it. Don't worry.

It's more like a three layer burrito. Let's be real honest. Yeah, he goes out and he's standing there. He's like, he's in the fucking, he's in the drive-thru and he keeps asking for sauce and they give him an extra taco to go away. Please go away.

Can I have some napkins? Oh, it's amazing. That's so good. He just keeps coming back like, I'm still naked. So. He keeps hoping that he can drive around the block and get a free taco every time he pulls over.

It's got to be the worst as a drive-through operator because you're a little higher. So, you know, you could see what's going on. Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah. So that's awful that's genuinely awful you're just like come on man like just nobody wants to see that no no you know the only

thing that like the the solution to that kind of thing would be just to gather all the ladies around just laugh at them because you know the reason he's doing this is like the creepy thing is like people fucking do that shit to victimize people yeah right to like it's it's a form of like sexual assault to be like so they just turn that shit on its head and be like oh hang on let me get all of my friends and we'll laugh at your penis through the drive-thru maybe that should be the response to every unsolicited dick pic is just like screen grab it and then like start a group chat wherever just makes fun of that person's dick and is just like screen grab it and then like start a group chat where everyone just makes fun of that person's dick.

And then screenshot that and send it back to them. Everybody, all of my friends think your dick is stupid. Roast the dick. Roast the dick. Colonel, I'm trying to sneak around,

but I'm dummy thick and the clap of my ass cheeks keeps alerting the guards. So this story comes from NDTV, woman's blocked toilet caused by family of snakes living inside of it. Jesus Christ. Not a snake. Jesus Christ. Family of snakes.

Goddamn. There were four of them. Where was this, Cecil? Of course it's in Australia. Fuckin' Australia. That's right. That's right. In Australia, you can't take a shit without a family, a fucking family of snakes living in your shitter. Didn't you, when you stayed at that Airbnb, wasn't there like a cockroach the size of the couch in there or something there was a cockroach in the bathroom named morris and like i mean i saw his driver's license that's how i know he was fucking enormous

it was seriously that was the biggest but was second big i've seen two enormous enormous fucking bugs in my life and they were both in australia because i had one of those huntsman spiders on the wall in sydney where in sydney so i was staying what wall on the bedroom wall in the yeah it was cecil the thing was the size of a fucking like what did you do you know it's funny because like i was like okay hayley was like oh my god you've got to kill that thing i'm like fucking agreed and i was like all right i would go and i i grabbed my the first thing at hand was a sandal. Like I had like flip flops on. And I walked over to it.

And Cecil, I've never, like I'm not afraid of bugs at all. And like, I'm not afraid of spiders. So I walked over to it. And like, I had this fucking flip flop in my hand. And I'm not kidding. My fucking heart was racing. Because I'm looking at this thing and I'm like. Yeah, it's the size of a poodle.

God damn, this thing's got like a fucking name and I can read books. Like it's a fucking real fucking thing. And I look at this fucking sandal in my hand. I'm like, I don't think this will do it. Like, like think of a bug that like with a fucking leather sandal, you're like, I don't think I can kill it.

I went and got my hiking boot I had and I held the boot by the toe. So I'd hit it with the hard part of the heel and I walked over to it and I and thankfully it didn't move it just was like splark it felt exactly the way I think it would feel to hit an egg with a shoe

oh my gosh it sounded like it, it popped it made like an audible it sounded like hitting an egg with a shoe it was exactly like hitting an egg with a shoe but with legs that are sticking out of it. It was fucking awful. It was fucking atrocious.

Haley was like, I'm going to need to see evidence that that thing's dead before I come back in that room. I'm like, oh, there won't be a problem there. Yeah, no, just look at the wall. The wall's a Jackson Pollock now. Yeah, for real. I had legs stuck to the wall and like a stain. I was like,

I mean, it's just an enormous fuck. And that's right in Sydney, like right in a beautiful neighborhood and a beautiful place. God, that's terrifying. In fucking Queensland, Australia, you got a shitter full of snakes, four of them,

coiled around each other, cuddling in your shitter. Now, we have to make sure that people recognize they're in the back part of the shitter. They're not in the bowl of the shitter, which would suck if you're in Australia and you get bit in the ball by a poisonous snake while you're on the shitter.

That would be unpleasant. Your balls swell up and you can't even get off the toilet. They're just stuck to the toilet. Trying to move. Holy. That's always the thing though, is, um,

the, the, the stories you hear of the rats that come up through the toilets. Have you always hear about the stories of the rats or whatever? Glad I live on the fifth floor. It's a long swim. It's gotta be, it's gotta be like a fucking,

uh, a Michael Phelps rat to get all the way up there. At that point, the fucking rat had deserves it. You gotta be like a fucking a Michael Phelps right rat to get all the way up there at that point the fucking rat deserves it you gotta be like man welcome no the rat's my pet now

right yeah like the rat comes in and it's like alright cats move over there's a rat in the house are you kidding me after that I'm the fucking rat's pet are you serious

tell my fiance I'm looking for him I have lost my fiance the poor baby. Maybe the dingo ate your baby. The dingo ate your baby. This story comes from NYDailyNews.com. Giant 770-pound crocodile captured near Aussie tourist spot.

So again, our friends in Australia, when they're not shitting on top of a family of fucking snakes, they're going to their fucking tourism capital or whatever, and there's like 800-pound, 14-foot saltwater crocodiles. This thing is a goddamn dinosaur. It's fucking huge. And they got him trussed up like fucking Hannibal Lecter here. It's amazing. He's going to roll in and be like,

and Senator, love your suit. Like it's like an amazing. This is like some Jurassic. They got his eyes closed. They got him strapped down with cords. He can't move. He's like King Kong in that movie. It's amazing.

They're going to ship him to fucking Gitmo. Like, they've got him like... Exactly. Holy shit. He's actually got it worse than people in Gitmo. Are you kidding me? I wouldn't be surprised if they poured a little water on him. He's got so much duct

tape on his eyes and then on the front of his mouth. So they've duct taped and they've really duct taped his eyes. Like, they went out of their way to like really, really go over his eyes. then on the front of his mouth yeah so they've duct taped and they've really duct taped his eyes like they went out of their way to like really really go over his eyes there's like a foot wide swath of duct tape they just wrapped around his chest so that's because they fucking watched jurassic park a couple of times they know his fucking vision is based on movement or whatever like this thing is terrifying well this thing's big enough where if it walks your fucking your drink would shake. That's for sure.

So you know what they're going to, this is the other fucking crazy as balls thing about fucking Australia. You know what they're going to do with this thing? They're going to drive it somewhere to let it breed. That's what they're doing with this thing. In this story. It's like a prize pick. Yeah, right? The captured croc will now join a breeding program.

CNN reported crocodiles in Australia have made a comeback since they were designated as a protective species. There are now about 100,000 saltwater crocodiles in the Northern Territory. So you're just like, you know what we need more of? 800-pound dinosaurs in our tourist spots. It's a fucking bear. No! Oh, shit, it's a fucking bear oh shit it's right there alright Cecil I've got some

some advice for you I know you've been wondering what do you do if you get attacked by a polar bear and it's a good question that's a good question the New York Post wrote a story about what you should do if you're going to get attacked by a polar bear and that's because the other day, a 38-year-old Dutch man was killed in the Svalbard Islands.

It was camping, which he probably had coming by a polar bear. Jesus. So there's some advice, Cecil. First thing you do is you have some mace. That's a good call. You know? Okay. You can probably get that from any of the Portland streets. They just scoop it right up off

the ground. Is there so much of it? It's in the water supply now. The one thing I when we were out west and we were going to go to a couple of places and especially in Yellowstone,

you should, you have to, if you're going to go by yourself in yellowstone you should you have to if you're going to go by yourself they tell you you need to bring bear mace with you you need to bring bear spray yeah well what if you're walking around out there yeah well i mean exactly like if i'm walking up to a bunch of college matter i know what's crazy is the white one here is the one that's the killer. Why is that crazy? This fits. Yeah. So, so the others have a gun.

So, you know, again, it's an, it's an escalation here. It's pretty standard stuff. Yeah. So first is Mace.

Although aren't those things, you got to have a pretty damn big gun for some of these big animals you can't just be oh i just got my you know my my 22 that's not gonna do it be like that's like a bee sting my fucking oh my gosh no you gotta have a fucking hand cannon or some crazy ass yeah or a rifle or something yeah like a 30 out six or something all right so you can have a gun and uh yeah i guess if the gun scares the bear away. That's fine. It's probably not going to do anything. So, and then the other option Cecil is to get naked. So, okay. There's a polar bear. You don't have any mace. You don't have a gun

and you're just going to show him your soft shitty body until he runs away. The thing is, is that if I'm in a, in a place where a polar bear is and I take my clothes off, the polar bear loses me. I'm 100% as white as the snow. So I would just 100%. The only thing that it would see is one, it would see a bunch of hair in certain places and it would wonder what that is, but it would probably just think it's like lichen or something. Lichen, whatever, however whatever you say. So it says there's no way you could outrun a polar bear, but they are according to a word of mouth. And I thought like, according to

a word of mouth. That's how you want to, life or death, you want to rely on that. Hold on a minute. I'm about to fucking show a polar bear my balls and I'm doing this based on hearsay? Are you kidding me? They are easily distractible.

Sarah Woodall, a tourism destination manager, not a fucking bear scientist, mind you. Right. No, just a tourist person. Yeah. Told me during my first trip to the country in 2015. To that end, if you should come face to face with one, back away slowly while peeling off your clothes

one item at a time. You have to do a fucking strip tease for this thing. You can't just fucking take your clothes off. You got to like get all fucking into this shit, like arching your back and like fucking thrust it out your chest, doing a little magic mic shit. If it's a polar bear, maybe there's one of those those peppermint sticks that you

could do a pole dance on. It's like a barber pole. You're swinging on it. Yeah, exactly. Do you need an accompanying drummer? You're just like, Oh fuck,

there's a bear. You just like reach over. You got a boom box. Like pour some sugar on me. Oh fuck. He wanted cherry pie. The bears are curious. So they're going to play with your clothes and then presumably they'll ignore

the fact that you're you were able to eat your meat that you're that you're a person and you're made of meat yeah i'm sure the bear is stupid enough to be like oh what's this bubble gum yeah all you did was unwrap the snickers bar for the bear like that's not how i want to die like i'm gonna die look i know like there's only one way i want to die without my underwear on, right? And it's not death by polar bear. You guys, there's someone out there that asked us to murder them. Are you ready to kill someone dead?

Yeah, American soldiers kill people, like, every day. Are you better than American soldiers, man? Like, think about other people. That's airtight logic. This story comes from The Atlantic, and if it didn't say The Atlantic at the top of it, I would have thought this was fucking just straight trolling. Even, wow.

Trump, Americans who died in war are losers and suckers. When President Donald Trump canceled a visit to the Asian- Way to corral that fucking vet vote, dude. Holy shit. Jesus Christ.

When he canceled a visit to the American cemetery near Paris in 2018, he blamed rain for the last minute decision, saying the helicopter couldn't fly and that the Secret Service wouldn't drive him there. Neither claim was true. They're like, they have to stop,

Tom, now, and just be like, no, that's not true. That's not a true thing. I know the president of the United States said it, but obviously that's bullshit. People can drive in the rain. Biden came out this week

and said during the debates, he would welcome moment-to-moment fact-checking. He would welcome that. If they want to put a lower third on the screen that says this is true or this is not true,

he would welcome it. That's amazing. There's no way. There's no way that Trump would agree to that. Trump rejected the idea of the visit because he feared his hair would become disheveled in the rain because he did not believe it was important. How would you notice if his hair was bad? No, you wouldn't know, right?

Yeah. He did not believe it was important to honor American war debt, according to four people with firsthand knowledge of the discussion that day. In a conversation with senior staff members on the morning of the scheduled visit, Trump said, why should I go to that cemetery? It's filled with losers. In a separate conversation on the same day, Trump referred to the more than 1,800 Marines who lost their lives below wood as suckers for getting killed. He said, the thing is, this is not a surprise. Because look at how he treated John McCain.

I clearly disagreed with almost everything John McCain ever uttered. But genuinely, John McCain was shot down in war and was a prisoner of war. He had a rough go of it, but he was doing something for the Air Force. He was

specifically a person who was, whether or not doing something for the, for the air force. Like he was specifically a person who was for whether or not you agree with the war or not, he was an American soldier and the way he treated him. And then to see how everybody else looks at Trump as somehow he's this, you know, a person who loves the military. I don't understand. Like he has done all of nothing for the fucking military, except for like, continue to do things that puts us in harm's way and then disparage them. But like these guys can't get enough of this fucking tough guy, hard ass bullshit attitude. It's like all the posturing, but like behind it is like a real fucking like disgust of the military.

This is a guy who like, like military people should look at this guy as the fucking loser that he is. He decided like he backed out for bone spurs, man. Yeah. He fucking backed out bone spurs. Like he fucking backed out because he was a giant fucking pussy.

That's why he backed out. Like, so if you're like in the military, this is a guy who thinks like yeah if something bad happens to you while you're you know in service to your country then that makes you a fucking loser I don't know maybe that makes you in the military where fighting people

means sometimes they fight back like I feel like sometimes that gets kind of lost in the whole like sales pitch of war it's like wow we're, we're going to fight them. Also, they're going to fight back like as hard as they can. And sometimes that's going to go poorly for you. But like this is a guy who doesn't know like who the good guys and bad guys were, so to speak.

He doesn't know like who the powers are. Like he says so. Like he talks about good guys, bad guys. I'm using that language as his, not mine. In the same Atlantic article, he says, on the same trip where he didn't go to the fucking cemetery, he asked his aides, who were the good guys

in this war? Holy shit! What? Yeah. Yeah. Holy shit! What? This guy's in charge? This is the commander-in-chief? He doesn't know even like who the fucking allies are?

Is he stupid or is he a Nazi? Which is it? Yeah, right. It's one or the other. It's one or the other. Are you stupid or are you a Nazi? Which one is it? And it could be both.

Who are the good guys? Are you fucking kidding me? It doesn't have to be one or the other. Yeah, it could be fucking a little column A, a little column B. Well, and it's like,

it's not like it's not in character with things he said very, very publicly. Right. Like to your point about McCain, he said he's not a war hero. I like people

who weren't captured. Yeah. Like that's, holy shit. What? What? What a fucking asshole. What a piece of

fucking human garbage. And I'm not a fucking military venerator by any stretch of the imagination. No, me either. Yeah. But oh my fucking asshole. What a piece of fucking human garbage. And I'm not a fucking military venerator by any stretch of the imagination. No, me either. But oh my fucking God. Like if you're the fucking commander in chief, you have an obligation

to be a little bit more fucking respectful. Even if you can't be directly respectful, don't be openly disrespectful. Yeah. So we want to thank our patrons. Of course, we want to thank all our patrons course we want to thank all our patrons we want to thank our newest patrons marcus road vinter no idea if i pronounce that correctly emily take it ev podcast sustainable transportation for all lunchbox 20 jonathan joshua 20 Jonathan, Joshua, Vince, Vince Clortho, key master of gozer. That's awesome. Finally decided to give money. Prohibito Hippo, Nuclear Cat, David Forrest. You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means. Michael, Daniel, Kyle, and people who've

upped their pledges. Big Easy, Blasphemy, and Velvet Rooster Jones. Thank you so much for your generous, generous donations. We really do truly appreciate it. Ian appreciates it. He has a baby. He needs to feed that baby. Please pay us money. Unless you

hate Ian's baby. Everyone that's listening right now that is not a patron, I just want you to go to bed tonight thinking about how much you hate Ian's baby. Everyone that's listening right now that is not a patron, I just want you to go to bed tonight thinking about how much you hate Ian's baby. So we want to cover a little email today. We got a message. This is from Matt, and Matt sent in a message.

He said, I love the way Scott Adams was reaching so hard to make Joe Biden's name seem as if it was associated with Satan. And they talked about the monster energy drink. Remember the monster energy drink? Oh my God, that movie was amazing.

The lady was crazy. She's just fucking, she's clearly tripping balls and just talking about how there's all these connections to monster energy drinks. She was nuts. But there's a video of Mitch Hedberg talking about, and Mitch Hedberg was amazing. He said, fuck it, just such a great comedian.

Do you have a favorite Mitch Hedberg joke? I don't know if I do or not. He's got one. Two of them I really like. It's really depressing, but you'll never be as good at tennis as the wall. And that's the whole joke. I'm not butchering it a little bit. It's so true.

It's amazing. And then he's got one of my very favorites. I bought some evaporated water. I didn't know what to add to it. It's true. It's amazing. And then he's got one of my very favorites. I bought some evaporated water. I didn't know what to add to it. That's so good. That's so clever. I fucking love that guy. Yeah. I do have a favorite one. He said, I like waffles.

Waffles are like pancakes with little syrup traps. It's fucking amazing. The guy is so brilliant. He was so great great you know who else I really loved was Stephen Wright back in the day

I don't know if you remember Stephen Wright he had a really deadpan delivery and he did the same thing he would point out little stuff like this that was really funny

to point out and it was very clever Stephen Wright was hilarious very amusing anyway we're going to post this Mitch Hedberg joke about the number 13

on this week's show notes check it out. We got a message. This is from Jonathan who said he was able to break free of 45-year mindfuck Orthodoxy Judaism gave him. And he became a patron recently. We want to thank you for being a patron. Thank you so much.

And good luck on your journey past Orthodoxy. Wow. Got a message. This is interesting, Tom. Greg sent in a message basically saying, you know, look, if the Trump administration were to pressure people to actually create a vaccine

and were to release a vaccine, they would probably be dubious of it. And this week, this week, I think it was the CDC sent out a memo to a bunch of people all over the country that essentially said, look, we want you to be ready to distribute vaccines on November 1st.

And there isn't a vaccine, nor will there be on November 1st. It's clearly a political thing. Oh, see, I didn't know that they weren't going to have the vaccine. No, there won't be a vaccine. The vaccine, the vaccines that they're working on on this, I heard someone speak. They said these vaccines need dry ice in order to be transported because they have to be kept at like 80, negative 80 Celsius or something crazy like that. They have to be kept at a ridiculous cool temperature. And there's no infrastructure to even do that. It doesn't even make any sense.

So even the ones that are far along have to be kept really very, very cold. So as it stands right now, so there's not even an infrastructure to even do that. At least from the lady that are far along have to be kept really very very cold wow so as it stands right now so there's not even an infrastructure to even do that at least from the lady that said that on and she's like a like a uh an author about uh uh pandemics okay she was talking about it so there's not even there's like there's not going to be a vaccine at least as near as experts are saying there won't be a vaccine then they're just doing it to say that there are vaccine centers opening up well that seems like that seems like a fucked up thing to do because it seems like you know like not giving away any presents at christmas and then asking people two days later how was christmas yeah right like that's fucked up like you're

gonna be like yeah there's no vaccine but november 1st we're gonna talk. Like, you're going to be like, yeah, there's no vaccine. But November 1st, we're going to talk about a vaccine. You're going to be like, I like that. No. Okay, fuck. Yeah, it would be a hugely, I have read a few things talking about whether or not they were going to try to fast track the trials to get a vaccine ready before that's really properly ready. They might be able to do that, but that would be the Russia route. Yeah, well, they're talking about doing that. Like, the government has said that they're talking about fast-tracking the phase three in order

to push out vaccines before the vaccines would be normally ready. Well, one of the problems with the H1N1, I think that's what it was called, right? Is that what it was called? H1N1? The vaccine? One of the problems was that one in 10 million people were paralyzed by the vaccine. And they ran massive tests to fast track and get it through. But one in 10 million people were paralyzed with vaccine. If you skip these trials, you might be able to find crazy, bad

reactions that could be much, much less than that because you did not bother with any trials. Well, and there's over 90 vaccines. So the Times has a really awesome vaccine tracker, and they're tracking all 90 of the vaccines that are currently in some form of trial. And they break them down by the technology, because there's all these different technology types that are being used to create these different vaccines. And they break them all down, and they tell you exactly where they're at and how far along in the process they are in the phases and the trials. It's a really great resource that you can read on the Times.

But I have been reading that they're trying to push through, like, yeah, we'll just go skipsies on the back half of phase three, basically, to get something out there. See, no, I didn't hear that. I didn't hear that they were skipping forward. What I heard was that there is no vaccine,

nor will there be a vaccine. I don't know what company, I mean, I'm sure there's companies out there that would want to be the first people, but I certainly wouldn't want to be first in line if it wasn't run through a proper trial. Yeah. And isn't that the fucking problem, right? Like there have been cases, Ford actually presided over a massive vaccine effort that went poorly because of similar issues. They tried to rush a vaccine through. The vaccine was not properly trialed and controlled for it and had consequences. And then it made people more dubious of not just that vaccine, but it made them more dubious of vaccines in general. And it makes them more dubious of public health operatives and initiatives. And we can't afford that. You know what we need? It's the craziest thing I'm going to say.

We need leadership. We need actual leadership that's not just self-interested governance. We need leadership that is governance for the betterment of the country. Somebody who would be like, yeah, I'm willing to lose an election to do the right thing for 327 million people. Like I would quit my job for 327 million people. Yeah. Wouldn't that be amazing if someone was out there like that?

But instead it's political maneuvering. Yeah. Because if you're doing this, you're only doing it the day before, two days before the election so you could say there's a vaccine and you're the one who did it. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, we got the vaccine operation, warp speeds, success. Even now there's people getting vaccinated. The pandemic is,

you know, on its last legs and soon American life will return and burp, burp, burp. You vote that guy in office after, after a vaccine that fucks up and he kills a bunch of people. Yeah. Well, the thing is like, we won't know until after they voted him in. Yeah. You know? And then it's like fucking consequences freaks. You can't get fired after your second term. Except for him. He's saying he wants to stay there for like 16 years. That guy doesn't have 16 years left to live. Oh, holy shit. And that's not a

threat, Secret Service. I just want to let you know, I just think he's going to die of natural causes. Because he's old and fat. Because he's old and made of garbage. Got a message from Jamie, and Jamie said, Cecil said he'd hire an old lady to drive him around for safety reasons, but our old lady's notoriously bad drivers. Okay, look, it's a joke.

Okay, calm down. Don't get your fucking, don't get your insurance tables out to prove my joke wrong. We got a message. This is insane. Joe sent a message in and said, I've been listening to your show for a couple of years. Couldn't support earlier

because I was homeless, but I recently graduated law school and I'm able to give back a little bit. Amazing. That's amazing news. Holy shit, Joe. So happy you're not homeless.

Although now that you're a lawyer, you probably will be. So might as well send that money in while you can. What's more crushing, living on the streets or student loan debt? You find out. Or being a lawyer, which one's the worst? Who knows? Congratulations. That's amazing.

Yeah. We got a message on our blog. Someone posted on our blog and said about that lady who gave that speech last week, Kimberly Guilfoyle. I don't know how to pronounce her name. Her line about sex drug traffickers refer to the smuggling of cheap Viagra into the country by Puerto Ricans with calves the size of big boy dildo with balls from Adam and Eve.com. That's such a great inside joke for the podcast.

It's so circular. It sucks its own dick. It's amazing. And if you want to have a big boy Tildo, you can go to adamandeve.com. Type in Gloria Checkout. Get 50% off, free shipping. Gloria Checkout.

Adam and Eve is a great sponsor. And Ian does amazing commercials. He does. His commercials are so funny. The Karen one last week was outstanding. It was so good. All right. So we got to play this.

Tom, we got a message. This is from Stefan. And he sent this message in. Specifically, this is the speech last week. He's translated to German. I really wish I had like that sort of sweeping German music that they would play underneath all of the old speeches. Just play some Wagner next to it.

You know, it'll be scary. Like my parents, you can also reach your American dream. That's so nice. You can be this shining example. Realize and be the change you dream of. The hope you believe in. God, it sounds so scary. Die Hoffnung, an die ihr glaubt. Oh Gott, das klingt so furchtbar.

Wenn ein amerikanischer Präsident ein, der furchtlos ist, der dieses Land liebt und dafür kämpfen wird. Präsident Trump ist der Führer, der die Welt der Amerikaner aufbaut und dafür sorgen wird, dass jeder Bürger seinen amerikanischen Traum verwirklichen kann. Das Beste kommt erst noch!

That's terrifying, actually. That is outstanding. That is so good. Thank you so much for sending that in. I really wish I had, like I say, that sort of sweeping German music to put underneath it. It would have been amazing. Or just a German

sort of German choral group behind him or something. It would have been outstanding. All right. So we got a long message. This is from Tony. Tony sent in a message disagreeing with a lot of the things we said about Kyle Rittenhouse last week. And we wanted to talk a little bit about what Tony said. You know, there's a couple of people, one person was saying, a couple of people were sending messages about self-defense and how Kyle was defending himself. And I just want to propose a little scenario. Imagine I went on a plane with a box cutter. And I went on that plane and on that plane, once I was on that plane and the plane was in the air, I stood up and I pulled that box cutter out.

And I screamed at the passengers, none of you motherfuckers better fucking hijack this plane because I'm fucking armed and I will cut a motherfucker. If any of you cocksuckers get up and fucking try to, don't fucking look at me wrong. I got a fucking box cutter. If those people stood up, thought I was unhinged and tried to attack me and I were to cut some people on that plane, do you think I would have any fucking right to a self-defense at all? At all? It'd be ridiculous to think that I would be able to do something like that. Well, but see, so you were making sure nobody was doing bad things. Exactly right. That's what this kid did. Right. He went up there with a pit, with a, with a gun, with a, with a, with a rifle. And he specifically was there out in the open with that rifle, threatening other people with it. If you don't think that

rifle is a threat, you're crazy. It is absolutely a threat. It's a threat to everyone around him. So he's threatening people around him. You don't get to walk into a place threatening people and then claim self-defense after somebody knocks you out. And in this case, he didn't, nobody knocked him out, right? Nobody knocked him out. He shot two, he shot three people, killed two people dead. So I do not feel, when I watch that video and when I hear about that,

especially the background to it, I can't imagine somebody thinking that that's somehow self-defense, that that person traveled that far and fucking was able to defend themselves. Now, Tony's not saying that here. I want to make sure I mention that. Tony isn't saying the self-defense thing.

Tony is saying he shouldn't have been up there. But I did want to mention that before we moved on to this. Yeah, I had to say too, like, the purpose of open carry is intimidation. That's it. There's no other purpose for open carry. Open carry is intimidating by nature. You can't do anything

with open carry that is not... What the fuck else purpose does it serve to walk around with an enormous fucking gun? Open carry is a way to flash dick. That's it. That's all that it is. It is a fucking mean-spirited way to walk around

and intimidate other people. So, like, fuck that noise. Like, we got to get rid of the fucking open carry. We got to get rid of this idea that, like, people can just walk around America with fucking guns all the time. It escalates things. It necessarily escalates things. There's no possibility for an exchange to occur with armed people that the arming of those people does not inherently escalate the goddamn situation. If Kyle Rittenhouse were standing in the same place, jawing with somebody, and somebody lunged at him and threw

a fucking bag of soda or whatever at him, and then they got into a fist fight. This wouldn't even matter. Nobody would care. It wouldn't make the news. Cecil and I wouldn't talk about it. The thing that changes the equation is the gun. The gun is what changes the equation. When Kyle Rittenhouse was running away from people, and he tripped and he fell, and people were chasing him.

Why were they chasing him? Because he had a gun that just went off because he had shot somebody. Then like when he fell and people were running toward him, he's extra scared. Like the thing is like he is extra scared in that moment because he has the gun. The gun makes him more afraid because if someone's going to fight you and they take your gun from you, they could use the gun on you. The gun makes you more fearful. Yep. The gun makes you more afraid. The gun makes you need to use the gun to defend yourself against people who don't even necessarily have a gun because they could take your fucking gun. Yep. Guns only make it worse. They only escalate a situation. You cannot deescalate with fucking

lethal weapons. There's never been a time where you've been like, man, you know, it really calmed things down when I took my gun out. That's not a thing. Tony in this email says one of the things he mentions is that there might have been a knife in the car

with the person who was shot, with Jacob Blake. Jacob Blake was shot in the back. And there might've been a knife in the car when he was shot. And he's talking about, you know, a knife is just in close quarters, it's just as dangerous as a gun. And we were talking about that guy basically running away, walking away from the cops.

He doesn't run, he walks away from the cops and he opens his car door and he leans in. Now I don't know what he's reaching for. The police say, and the police are notorious fucking liars, right? So we, you know, we have to take what they say with a grain of salt, but they say that he was reaching for. The police say, and the police are notorious fucking liars, right? So we, you know, we, we have to take what they say with a grain of salt, but they say that he is, he, he was reaching for a knife. There might've been a knife in there, right? But how different is the

narrative? If a guy pulls a knife out, turns around and starts coming at the cops with a knife, rather than not being armed at all and getting shot in the back. How different is that narrative? You know, we're not, it's not minority report. You don't know what he was going to do. You don't have in your mind to know exactly what he was going to do. You don't have in your mind to know exactly what he was going to do. And so maybe he's acting irrationally.

But that doesn't necessarily mean that that deserves to get shot in the back and be paralyzed for the rest of your life. And probably murdered. You know,

the thing is, the cop was a bad shot because he didn't murder him. He shot him seven fucking times. Right. It's very difficult to justify shooting someone in the back.

That is a very difficult thing to justify. The cops were, you're not in danger because you could step away from that guy. Right? And I know that there's a conversation to be had about like, the car was full of kids

and maybe he's going to get in the car and drive away. I get that. I do. Like, I absolutely get that. But I am, I am distressed by the idea that we have no better solutions. And I think that's kind of where we're at as America right now, is we are so quick to

turn to these solutions of deadly force. That's it. We have one guy. There's two cops. They can't control that guy. They can't prevent him from getting in the car. They can't call their buddies. They can't get more cops out there. I mean, like the only solution is to shoot a man in the fucking back. It's too much. It's too much. It's too many times. The benefit of the doubt is not there. It's just not there. Yeah. I'm done. Like I have no more benefit of the doubt left to give to the police. Yeah. And I want to talk too about the people who sent us messages about a felon, about someone being a felon.

Because that's one thing that we hear all the time is, well, they were a felon. And that sort of seems to justify the idea that somebody deserves some other extra judicial punishment, that they deserve whatever comes to them, right? The moment you're a felon, you're essentially written off. Like, if that's the case, then why don't we just tattoo felons on their face? Like with a fucking felon tattoo.

We don't do that because we pretend in the society that somehow their debt to society is paid the moment they leave prison. But that's not true. No. We don't believe it. And we never fucking, we never, we don't believe it.

And we don't, we certainly don't act in that way because every single time somebody who was previously a felon and they wind up in a tussle with the cops, or even not even a tussle, they just get killed by the cops. Everybody's just like, well, they were a felon. Well, they were a felon. Well, they were a felon. That person doesn't deserve to die because they were a felon.

Supposedly, they've already paid their debt to society. Why do we purposely fucking punish people in perpetuity? Why do we do it? Yeah. Well, we don't like people. We don't want to, we want to put a certain class of people down.

That's why we do it. Well, why if we're just going to like, why let them out at all? Yeah. Like if, if, if forever,

you're going to fucking be branded with a fucking Scarlet F. Why are we letting them out at all? All right. So we got a message from a Kernan and Kernan sent in an image. And this is an image about the P word. It's so great actually. That Ben Shapiro sent in. So we're going to post an image

on this week's show notes for maybe one or two of these, depending on what Ian wants to grab. But thank you Kernan for sending in it. That is going to wrap it up for this week. We hopefully will have the Knowledge Fight guys on soon. And then another special guest,

hopefully very soon too. And so check it out. And also check out our live streams. We had a lot of fun this last week on our live stream. We watched a couple of videos, hung out, chatted, talked about soup. So if you want to come join us, you can always do it 9 p.m. Central on YouTube

and all your other favorites. Come check us out. If you want to go to YouTube, click that subscribe and bell. And that way you'll know when we come on. And then we open the room up a little early so people come and chat. And then we join in at nine o'clock

and we hang out for sometimes up to an hour. Depends, most of the time, about a half an hour to 45 minutes. All right, everybody, that's going to wrap it up for this week. We're going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue.

It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead pan, sales pitch, late night info- docutainment. Leo Pisces. Cancer cures. Detox. Reflex.

Foot massage. Death in towers. Tarot cards. Psychic healing. Crystal balls. Bigfoot. Yeti. Aliens.

Churches. Mosques and synagogues. Temples. Dragons. Giant worms. Atlantis. Dolphins. Truthers.

Birthers. Witches. Wizards. Vaccine nuts. Shaman healers. Evangelists. Conspir double-speak stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive.

Doubt even this. The opinions and information provided on this podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. All opinions are solely that of Glory Hole Studios LLC. Cognitive dissonance makes no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information and will not be liable for any errors, damages, or butthurt arising from consumption. All information is provided on an as-is basis. No refunds. Produced in association with the local Dairy Council and viewers like you.