Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 550: Bring Your Own Podium

Episode Date: November 16, 2020

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this is cognitive distance glory hole seasons for landscaping laughing every episode This is Cognitive Dissonance. Glory hole seasons for landscaping. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence. To any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical.

It's political. And there is no welcome at. This is 550 of cognitive dissonance and cecil yeah it's one thing and one real thing when you fuck up and you confuse the four seasons hotel sure with four seasons total landscaping for your press conference. But can you imagine, to be entirely fair, can you imagine if you had, let's say, a company called Glory Hole Studios and you confused that and got literally any other glory hole?

Somebody shows up thinking they're going to get a microphone shoved in their face. And I'm not sure that they'd be, well, I don't know if they'd be disappointed. I'm not trying to shame the reaction. Depends on how close they are to the microphone. You know, that could be. I'm just

saying it would definitely be a spit take. I will say this, Tom. That was the most delicious moment of the weekend. It was so fucking amazing. I didn't think it was real when I first saw it. I thought I was like, oh, come on. That's not real fucking amazing. I didn't think it was real. When I first saw it, I thought, I was like,

oh, come on, that's not real. And then I started reading about it and it was so fucking amazing because you had to watch his Twitter, which was, he said, well,

we're going to be at the Four Seasons and then he said, no, Four Seasons, total landscaping on 595 or something. It's amazing. We got it. So just if

anybody was living under a rock, here's the story. Donald Trump tweets out, big lawyers news conference, whatever that is. Lawyers is just... It wasn't hyphen. It didn't have a hyphen. Like, lawyers... Apostrophe. No.

Just lawyers. Big lawyers news conference so just at four seasons then he fucking walked that back then he said at four seasons there was actually two correction tweets yeah yeah and the the final correct the final tweet was at four seasons total landscaping which is like way off the beaten path in an industrial park. And the best, I don't even know what the best thing is. One of the best things was that Four Seasons immediately tweeted out, just so there's no confusion, there's no fucking press conference here. Which made it impossible then for the president and his fucking idiot cronies to be like, fuck, we forgot to book this at the Four Seasons. Hey, Four Seasons, can we have our loser show at your fucking hotel so four seasons was like uh-uh i don't want

anything to do with that shit pass hard pass we're gonna fucking tweet out that you done fucked up and that immediately put them over the fucking barrel so without ever addressing it yeah they never addressed it the fucking rudy giuliani and his fucking team of fucking idiot sycophant lawyers show up like way off the beaten path in some fucking industrial park in philly to four seasons total landscaping next to a fucking crematorium and across the street for no across the street from a crematorium and next to a fucking crematorium and across the street for no across the street from a crematorium and next to a fucking adult fantasy bookstore. And they have this fucking loser press conference. It's the best. And the pictures, the pictures, all the pictures, they like, they realize they're fucked up in this. So they had to bring like a bunch of fucking poster board. Like it's a

fucking science fair and stick them on the garage door or whatever that they're standing in front of this low level building. It was the best part about it was the, the, the sort of the straight man playoff because you have to play it off as if you meant to fucking book the four seasons, total landscape. Like you meant to do it.

You meant it's when you're. It's when you were a kid in eighth grade and you were running up the stairs and you trip and you fall on your face and people were like, oh, and you say, I meant to do that. And then you run away crying. That's what they had to do. They had to, Ruling Giuliani's laying on the ground.

I meant to do that, man. I meant that he runs away. That's what happened. It's fucking so delicious and amazing. And you literally could not write it better than it being between those two. I saw the best tweet, which said it's basically between fuck off and die.

I thought that was so brilliant. It's so brilliant. It's so amazing. You literally cannot write it better than that. You could feed fucking comedy scripts into a fucking computer, a supercomputer, for a thousand years, Tom. For a thousand years.

And it would never be as funny as that reality. It would never be. It's so great. It would never be. You just know, like, at some point for giggles, somebody's going to book the Four Seasons Total Landscaping as a wedding venue now. Like, honey, we're having a thing. It's a fucking four. How are is going to book the four seasons. Total landscaping is a wedding venue now. Like honey,

we're having a thing. It's a fucking four. Don't worry. I got that shit. Did you see if they cannot like four seasons? Total landscaping has embraced this. Oh yeah. And they're selling out of their shirts.

They have shirts. Make America rake again. Law and order is another one. It's so good. It's so good. It's so good. I guess they're, you know, I guess that they were a,

they were a Trump supporting business or something, but they're totally raking in the cash and people, the reporters who showed up, we're taking photos and posting it to Twitter before the thing started saying, am I in the right place? And then my favorite photo of the whole fucking thing is that, is there's a, okay,

so the close-up of him is behind, you really can't tell if you do a nice close-up shot of Giuliani. If you do a close-up shot of Giuliani at his podium, which he brought with him, right? Because you don't have a podium for Season Total Landscaping. You have to bring, it's a BYOP.

You got to bring your own podium. So they brought their own. Throw the fucking podium in the back of the Aztec. We got to go to the Four Seasons. So they bring the podium out. And then they, like you said, they shittily paste up Trump Pence in a checkerboard behind. How would you like to be the fucking intern that's stuck pasting shit to a fucking rusty garage door?

But anyway, you're pasting it to your rusty garage door. So if you close up shot Giuliani, it's fine. It's okay. It looks good. But the moment you pull back for a fucking second, you just see these giant rusted out girders, a fucking gravel lawn. There's a rusted ass chainsaw fence. Probably there's a junkyard dog somewhere in the background that you can't see.

It was, I mean, it's fucking so delicious. It's so delicious. I can't get over how amazing it is. Yeah, I'm looking at a picture of it right now. And Giuliani is standing in front of the aforementioned traveling podium. And there's some dude just like in front of the fucking wind-up hose reel. Other people are just standing by like wall-mounted fire extinguishers and shit. They're sending messages out ahead of time to the women, don't wear high heels because

it's uneven ground. You're going to get stuck.lee mcgraney or whatever the fuck her name is gets her ass stuck there she can't even walk away oh it's fucking genius dude it's so good man to have your fucking loser conference to start to start 2020 walking down a fucking gilded escalator or whatever the fuck he did when he announced his run. 2015, yeah, 2015. So to start this fucking nightmare

on a gilded escalator or whatever that fucking thing was and to end it in front of a fucking dumpster by the Four Seasons landscaping could not be more fucking perfect. It's so perfect. And I just, I think we deserve this from 2020.

We deserved this moment. We deserve this delicious, delicious moment. 2020 has owed us a lot. But I'll tell you, after this year, you know, you watch Trump lose, you watch the meltdown that happens after Trump loses and it's called for somebody else. And now everybody on the right is saying,

don't listen to the media. What's up with the media? The media doesn't call the election. No, the media just reports what the states report before they confirm it. Dumbass. The media doesn't choose who the president is. All of us chose that already.

They're just telling us what the number is. Well, and how fucking complete bullshit, we got a whole fucking thing. How complete fucking bullshit is it that they celebrate on the same ballots, the same ballots. They are celebrating their wins in the House. Their Senate wins, yeah.

They are celebrating their Senate wins, and yet they're castigating the left for supposedly cheating with zero evidence. These guys go to court. Have you read some of the court briefings and some of the court transcripts?

Yeah, when they're asking, how many people were there? How many people were watching? Well, it's a non-zero number. Were there people there? And he said, yeah. Your case is dismissed. Get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here. None of those cases. The one case that they won in Pennsylvania allowed for ballot watchers to stand a little closer.

That was when Trump tweeted out big win in Pennsylvania. The one win was they allowed ballot watchers to stand slightly closer to the ballot counters. That was the win. Every other lawsuit that's gone to court, every other one has been dismissed out of hand. They're being rejected as essentially frivolous. Yeah. Well, I will say this. I read a account of someone who was working in the polls and a bunch of these Trump poll watchers came in to watch them count ballots. And they said they literally have no idea how this process works. And they spent the entire time on their camera phones demanding answers from people,

filming them and demanding answers and asking questions. And then when they get their questions asked, they just say, yeah, well, that's how this works. And then they're, well, but, but, but, but, but, but, and then they ask more stupid questions. Eventually the supervisors have to come over and be like, will you please stop bothering people here? They're trying to count the ballots.

But the people who were assigned or who volunteered to go into these places literally have no idea how the process works. And so they think everything is nefarious. They think every single thing that someone does is nefarious. And then when you don't understand know if it was federal and state, but they said there's been 72 proven counts of voter fraud out of a billion times that someone has, has voted in this country. 72 instances. I mean, and, and they're going out and finding out places that these places they're finding where, where Trump supporters are the ones who are committing the voter fraud. I know. Did you see that interview with that woman?

That's a great interview where these, these guys, it granted, it's a comedy thing. So they, they pretend that they're Republicans. They kind of just ask them questions and back them into awful, awful answers and expose them for the terrible people they are.

So they're, they're, they're standing out and there's people waving. If there's a woman waving this Trump Pence flag and a guy walks up, he's like, do you think that voter fraud is real? And she said, oh, I know it's real. I committed it.

I'm still on probation. I'm still on probation. She's still on probation from last time. She voted twice for Trump in 16. Oh, that's right. It's four years ago. Yeah. She's still on probation from then.

Yeah. She voted twice for Trump. And as funny as that is, what is genuinely distressing is the reason she voted twice is that even in 2016, Trump was already telling people that the Democrats were going to steal the vote. They were going to change people's votes. So the reason she voted twice is she was afraid that the integrity of the election process was not good, that somebody was going to go in and change her ballot from Trump to Hillary.

And I got to say, if I really believed that, if I really believed that the election process was an invalid process, I would be very worried that we were not living in a proper democracy. And I am worried about that now for other reasons. But I would be very worried that we were not living in a proper democracy. My vote wouldn't count. What's crazy is that's not happening. To your point,

it happens so infrequently as to be of no statistical value at all. It means nothing. Yeah. 72 out of a billion? It's not,

that's zero. And it's because- That is statistically equivalent to zero. And it's because it takes so many ballots to change something. You can't just do one.

One Z, two Z doesn't do anything. We're finding tens of thousands of ballots separate people in different states. You know, last week we didn't know who the president was when we recorded. Right. We recorded Thursday night. Right. They still hadn't at that point figured out that Biden was going to win. Both of us thought Biden was going to win.

We came in thinking Biden was going to win. He was ahead in a couple of places that he didn't look like he was going to lose the vote in. And, you know, now it's looking like he's probably going to get 306 electoral votes. That's the way it's looking. Still haven't finished Georgia, right? Still haven't finished Georgia. Still haven't finished North Carolina. There's still, you know, some, some, there are some places that still haven't even called Arizona, even though several other places after the AP called it and Fox called it, several other places decided to call it. But it's still not called everywhere.

So, you know, there still is some things up in the air, but, you know, at this point, Biden is the victor. He's the president elect. It's been announced that he's the president-elect. And the thing is, is that, you know, we didn't know that coming in before, but now that we know it, it's still, I still feel a lot of anxiety because of how Trump is reacting to the whole thing. And one of the things he's trying to do, which is something he's done forever, is he can't face the fact that he's a loser.

He can't face it. So what he does is he tries to, he shits on the process. He says, well, the process was rigged against me. I'm only a winner. I can only win. And so the process is shit. And that's why it's not me. It's certainly you.

It's certainly you all the time. It's never me. And so the fact is, is that he's now shitting on the electoral process and the Republicans are jumping onto this. And I'll tell you why, why the Republicans are jumping onto this. Not because I think that they care so much about Trump's fee fees. I think why they're jumping onto this is because they want to discredit vote by mail. Vote by mail makes them lose. Vote by mail is going to make them lose a lot in the future. If that becomes is going to make them lose a lot

in the future. If that becomes a norm, if that becomes a regular process and more people have access to ballots, they're just going to start losing more and more and more and more. And it's going to be harder for them to run every single time. And so it's in their best interest right now to fucking go with Trump on this and make it look horrifying that there's this terrible amount of voter fraud and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And so they're, that's why they're doing it. I don't, I don't think they're doing it because they care about what Trump thinks. I think they do it because they want to discredit this entire process.

Well, and, and Lindsey Graham has come right out and said out loud, if we don't, if we don't change this, we'll never, the Republicans will never elect another president again. He came out and said it out loud and everything. That won't matter because somehow that doesn't matter anymore. And I can't even understand how we live in that fucking world. It's interesting, Cecil, because Trump's only possibility that he'll allow is winner or victim.

That's it. He's either the victor or the victim. He has never lost in a fair fight, according to Trump. And this is not, let's be really clear, this is not a fair fight. It's not at all. The deck is already stacked against Democrats, right? We know that because the electoral college vote was nail-bitingly close in certain areas.

But the popular vote is five, six, maybe 7 million when it's all said and done. Right now it's 5.1. As we record this, it's 5.14. And there's still millions of votes left to be count in heavily Democratic areas like Illinois, California, New York. So the likelihood from things that I've read is that that spread will only get larger and could be as high as 7 million. A 7 million vote gap should mean that this is not close. The only reason that it's close is that we have a system which automatically favors rural states. It automatically favors the Republicans. The deck

is stacked for the Republicans at the outset. It's not a fair fight from the beginning. And I want to say too, the spread right now, the point spread, the percentage spread is so great. It's bigger or as big as Reagan's win when he beat. And I forget which one it was, the first or the second, I'm not sure. But they were saying it's the biggest spread in 50 years. So, I mean, it's a long, long time. And Cecil, did you see the story about, so all these emails now are going out. And I think this is a huge part of the story that maybe isn't getting enough attention. So Trump right now, I think the

reason he's not conceding is I think twofold. And I think the Republicans are letting him do this for both of these same reasons. The first is I think if he casts enough doubt in this election, that gives him an opportunity to run again in 2024. Sure. I think if he runs again, he is still the most energizing candidate the Republicans have run in my life. In forever. Yeah. So as much as they might hate who he is, and as much as he might have absolutely crushed democracy and brought fascism and racism to the forefront of american politics from before i guess it was just hiding out in the back still fucking driving but at least having the fucking courtesy to hide the republicans have not fielded a candidate anywhere near as galvanizing to 70 million people and i think

the republicans look at that number 70 million and think, huh, I bet the Democrats can't do 74 million again. I bet they can't do 75 million again. Trump is a galvanizing, historically so, figure. And I think the Republican Party, for all of their dislike, distaste, and distrust of him, recognize that he's probably their best hope for another presidential seat in the next generation. The other thing that's not getting enough attention, I don't think, is the emails that are going out from Trump's campaign asking for money to fight election fraud.

When you dig down into the fine print, that money doesn't go to the election fraud. The first chunk of money went to pay back their election debts. Their debts. Well, that's all paid off. So they've changed the election. They've changed the fine print. Now that money up to the first 5,000,

and almost all of these are small donations, which means it's almost all of this money, is actually going to go to a new PAC, a political action committee, that Trump owns and runs. And there are no rules about how political action committees use that money. In other words,

you could send all that money to me and I could pay all that money to myself in a salary. I could pay 100% of that money to myself as a salary to run that PAC. You're just paying Trump personally. That is, I think it's a money grab. The longer he's able to cast doubt among the 70 million people, the more some of them are going to donate money.

70 million is a big enough number that he could raise tens of millions of dollars that funnels right into his personal fucking pocket. Yeah. Yeah. Why concede? Yeah. If you're a horrible moralist monster, why concede at all? I want to mention the Pfizer vaccine that came out specifically like four days after Trump had lost. And he was so mad. Evidently, he was so crazily mad that he screamed at the FDA guy. He yelled at the FDA led because they released this notice that says that Pfizer's got good results back, early results back from a vaccine that shows that it's 90% effective. And this is a massive trial with tens of thousands of people who are involved in the trial

and uh and so the the early results look very good and uh and pence uh said oh well congratulations or whatever and basically tried to take credit for it and they jumped in pfizer jumped in said no no no we weren't part of operation warp speed we weren't we didn't accept any government money. This is us. And this is what Trump has been doing the whole time when he keeps on talking about that. It's like, you're not in a fucking lab doing vaccines at the very best. You gave somebody my fucking money to try to build it, to make a vaccine. You have nothing to do with this problem. You literally didn't do anything. You're fucking literally just bankrolling a little bit of money that I fucking kicked into the kitty and you kicked into the kitty and all the listeners kicked into the kitty and you pretend like you're the fucking savior. He's been doing this since the beginning

and it's fucking appalling. It is to be fair for me. I think if, if the government had stepped in and taken decisive and swift action to knock down, to shit funding at the problem, to knock down administrative and bureaucratic roadblocks, to make possible something which would have not happened at this speed, then I would give credit to the government for their action, right? I'd say, hey, you know, did you do it? No, you, did you do it? No, you individually didn't do it. But did your decisive action make this thing possible? If you would have done something, yeah. I would have, yeah.

Because it wouldn't have happened without this, right? Got it, agreed. So credit where it's due. Except the fucking thing is that Pfizer is one of the very few companies that was not even involved in warp speed. They're not involved at all. They're one of very, very few companies who stepped aside from the entire protocol, the whole fucking warp speed protocol, both the funding

and the sharing of information and data with other pharmaceutical companies. They said, no, we're going this thing alone. But whether that was a smart move or not remains to be seen on their part. Right now, it looks real fucking good at their stock profile. That press release fucking did good things for them, did good things for the whole market, actually. But they didn't take fucking dollar one. Now, they may take advantage of a lot of the logistics that the United States government has to offer. And I fucking really hope that they do because Pfizer is not a distribution mechanism. It's a research company. But that's a totally fucking different thing. And the administration is trying to take credit for something that wasn't even a part of their government program. They're just such liars.

They're just such liars. In a non-corrupt administration, in a regular administration, in a regular year, what would happen is the president would come up and say, you know, we're so proud of American industry. Yeah. And look at our innovation and our people. They work so hard. And this is the beauty of fucking capital. And they would have fucking jerked the whole thing off and it would have been great. And everybody would have clapped and applauded. Sure.

You know, they just said, our next step is to get it out to everybody, so on and so forth. They could have done it. They could have still taken a bow without trying to take credit for something they didn't have anything to do with. Yeah. Right. Because they could have taken a bow by saying like, it's part of America. It's part of the American spirit. We're all one. And now we're going to do the hard work of getting that out to you, the American people, and the army stands ready to help do that. Right. So they still could have gotten a lot of good government PR, but instead they just want, they just want credit. Like you want to turn in someone else's homework. Yeah. Here's what Penn says. Huge news. Thanks to

the public-private partnership forged by President Donald Trump, Pfizer announced its coronavirus vaccine trial is effective, preventing infection in 90% of its volunteers. And they're just like, they immediately tweeted out, no, we did not participate. You have nothing to do with this. And you're right. They're just asking for credit where it's not due. And that's been the MO of this entire administration. I wanted to also touch on too, Tom, the fact that Steve Bannon has now banned from Twitter and YouTube

because he said that people should be beheaded. Like, what is happening to that guy? He's already crazy, but he's like super duper extra crazy now. I, yeah, oh. I have no idea. All I want in the whole world, Cecil, when Trump loses and he becomes a regular citizen and he no longer is a public figure,

Twitter has already said they're going to treat him like everybody else. I want all these fucking lying dipshits to get banned from Twitter one by one. I want them just fucking lying dipshits to get banned from Twitter one by one. I want them to just all on parlor, whatever fucking nightmare horror show bullshit that they're going to be on. Bannon, Bannon is like one of the worst people we've ever had. Right, right. Bannon is a horror.

He's an awful person. He is a horrible, horrible human being. Awful person. And I, just take the fucking microphone from these idiots. Yeah, yeah. Just take the fucking microphone from these idiots. Yeah. Yeah. Just take the fucking microphone from these idiots. Yeah. He says, uh, I'd put that as regarding, I want to read what he got, what he got in trouble for. Cause it's actually, it's crazy. He's talking about, uh, Fauci and Ray, and he's talking about how, um, Trump should fire those people.

He then said, I'd put their heads on pipes on pipes right i'd put them at the two corners of the white house as a warning to federal bureaucrats you either get with the program or you're gone so if you're a bureaucratic scientist and you say true science stuff get with the true science stuff doesn't match the company line, then you should be beheaded. I guess so. That's... And I'm glad that people are taking him at face value, even if he was trying to make a joke, right? If he's trying to say figuratively,

put your hat on a pike or whatever, I don't know what you do. You put the resume on a pike, I guess. I don't know what you do. But even if he's saying figuratively, I'm like, good, good. You shouldn't be able to say shit like that. You shouldn't be able to just go on some random, because man, there's some fucking crazy people out there. I watched a bunch of video of those people, a bunch of video of these people that are now marching around and going nuts because Trump, Trump lost. There's some crazy

people out there that really love, that are just, I just can't get, I can't wrap my head around it, but they're like insane. They're like insane people. And they love him so much that they may, I genuinely feel like all goes well and he's out in January. I think you're probably going to see some terrorist attacks.

I think you probably will. I'm worried for Joe Biden. I think you probably will. I would be very, very worried for Biden and Harris. I think they're in a lot of danger. We've never, and we say this every four years, but it's ratcheted

up and ratcheted up and now it's at this crazy fever pitch moment in history. It's never been more dangerous. It's a fucking powder keg all the time. Very much want to, you know,

fingers crossed for him to die before 2024. Oh, oh, they don't even, Cecil. I think he might.

He's a fucking garbage human being and he's going to go into a little bit of depression, maybe eat too many Big Macs after this is over. If he gets choked out by a Big

Mac, I can't wait. I just can't wait. I just want to see him get to be 450 pounds, Big Macs falling out of his mouth trying to give a press conference and then he dies in the middle of it. He just has a coronary right at the fucking travel podium. They bring the podium

from Four Seasons Total Landscaping Room. There they go. This thing smells like fresh cut grass. It's like, it smells good. It smells good. Would have been great if Four Seasons had the podium, if there was some guy in the back like, I told you,

Jay, I told you it was going to come in handy. It'd be better if it was just an upside down riding lawnmower that they were speaking about. Stack of terracotta pots. It's just a listing off to the one side. Is that one of those big chemical jugs that you spray with? Is that what you're standing in front of?

What is going on over there? You're standing in front of a wood chipper every time he finishes a page, he puts it right in the wood chipper and shreds it. That would be dangerous if he just chucked Fauci in there, just like his head lands on a bike perfectly. Hey, Gary, let's make this Adam and Eve ad

read a little festive and holiday themed. Sure. You doing anything for Thanksgiving? Thankfully, nothing. Oh, you're not disappointed? You can't see family? God, no. Especially after what happened last year.

Oh, sorry. What happened? No, actually, wait. I don't know. Let me tell you. Oh, God. Not a flashback. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody.

How are you? Oh, hi, baby. Come here for a second. Hey, Mama. How you you? Oh, hi, baby. Come here for a second. Hey, Mama. How you feeling? Oh, don't worry about it. It's just my sciatica. Go say hi to Uncle Gary and be nice. He's here. It's Christmas. It's Thanksgiving, but okay.

Uh, hey, Uncle Gary. How you doing? Hey, you little Dollar Tree Manny. I told you not to call me that. Oh, don't blow your flange, Connector. You still working in retail? No, I haven't worked for like decades. Yeah, still do a little retail.

I was just retailing your aunt last night. Fucking gross. Oh, don't be such a quinn. What's with the mask? We're fucking family. Brother Gary, hey, come talk with me and Uncle Gary. Oh, hell no. Don't you fucking leave me.

Hey, you see, they're replacing these good old American mannequins with these fucking cardboard cutouts. That's not true. Oh, it's true. It's been debunked. I'll send you a link. I've seen your posts. I'm fine. Yeah, it all started going downhill once we allowed muslin into the country. Are you kidding me?

I mean, what's wrong with cotton? Jesus. Good old American fabrics. I gotta get out of here. And don't give me thought on these mannequinias. Oh, fuck off. Don't talk to my husband like that. Shut up, Aunt Gary. I'll talk to him however I want. We always knew you were a little less manny than Quinn.

Sister Gary, come talk to this fucking... Why do you keep inviting this asshole? Mama Gary, where you boys behave? Hey, you're just like your father. We always thought he put the soul rod in the wrong foot, too. That's it. You don't talk about Daddy Gary, you mother... So, you know, pretty normal. Well, uh, I'm sorry I asked.

Uh, so what are you gonna do this year? Oh, I'm just gonna stay home and masturbate. Oh. And you know I'm going to adamandeve.com and using that code GLORY. Uh, yep. And you should too. Right. So should we do that ad read?

I think we just did. Yeah. Look at all those. Look at you. Look at you. Look at all those chickens. So this story comes fucking perfectly from Boston. He's not going to be the one on our plates.

Look at this fuck. Turkey harasses Hyde Park neighborhood. Look at this fucking turkey over here. This fucking turkey. Oh, God. This story is amazing. I got to read this. My favorite is the name, so go ahead.

Yeah. All right. A Tom Turkey that has been aggressively harassing residents on Westminster Street in Hyde Park made his presence obvious today. Upon arriving at Westminster Street, WBZ-TV reporter Bill Shields and photographer Rick Hurdler saw the Big Tom blocking a car in a driveway. When the TV crew approached, the turkey turned its attention slash anger toward them, engaging shields in a kind

of turkey tango, pecking at the microphone. And there's a picture of it, and it's amazing. It is absolutely 100% going after him, and if he didn't have that microphone, it would be pecking at his knees. Yeah, this turkey is going to fuck him up. Amused residents gathered to watch, with one saying,

I guess he's letting us know he's not going to be the one on our plates this year. Amazing. Just a few days ago, Lou Poulet and her boyfriend were walking down the street when the turkey crossed. Poulet! Poulet is like a chicken, isn't it? Poulet! Poulet!

When the turkey crossed the road and attacked Poulet. Why did he cross the road, Tom? Why? You should have asked the turkey. If have asked the turkey. If you ask the turkey, that age-old question goes away. Oh, man. Oh, God.

That's so great. It's so amazing. It's literally, I watched this fucking turkey. They have video of this turkey attacking the guy. He's got his microphone out there. He's trying to keep it away like he's a fucking lion tamer. It's amazing. That turkey is not fucking happy.

That turkey is the meanest motherfucker. Do cities just have turkeys in them or is it a fucking pet? What is happening? Thank you. I don't even know. I was wondering the same thing. A goose, I can see an errant chicken from somebody's backyard, but a turkey? I've seen turkeys in like rural areas.

I've never seen a turkey just coyote. I'd buy that. Yeah. A deer. Sure. A turkey in Boston? A rat would be a lot more. If a rat was doing it, I would believe it.

You know, maybe the turkey escaped. Maybe what it is is that turkey every year is used in like a Thanksgiving pageant at one of the schools nearby. And so they keep the turkey to bring them out every year. And they just escaped from his cage. And he's on the rampage because of COVID. He's just looking for food and or microphones to eat. So he's just running around. Somebody ought to capture that motherfucker.

Free-range turkeys are expensive. This is free-range as shit. Hell yeah. He's plucky, though. That's for sure. Oh. Oh. The crazy thing is he ate a duck, then he ate a chicken right before that.

Running around. He's a little turd ducking. Walking around. thing is he ate a duck then he ate a chicken right before that every day dogs are being tempted to vote illegally because ballots are shoved into their mail slots dogs write in candidates like senator sniff butt and governor cat murderer right now there's an animal that needs you so call the number on your screen and help these troubled dogs uh so this story there is actually some voter fraud to report it doesn't come from the u.s comes from new zealand yeah yeah voter fraud caught again in again guys again yeah in the bird of the year competition right. So in case you were wondering what countries

that are not having 2020 are doing, New Zealand, which doesn't have to worry about this, is holding their bird of the year competition. We're holding our president of the maybe competition. Fuck you, New Zealand. Let me just say that.

Fuck you and fuck that little bird that cheated its way to the top fuck you both i don't mean it if you'll take me in i don't mean it i don't mean it i'm right yeah i'll come i'll come back baby i'll come back about 1500 fraudulent votes have been cast for the little spotted kiwi in forest and birds bird of the year competition and the best thing is this happened before in 2018 somebody voted 3 000 times in support of the white-faced heron motherfucker who cares about bird popularity contests this much cares about it that much, right? Jesus. If all I had to do to cheat was click one time, I would not cheat one time.

Not because I think cheating is wrong. It's not worth the second click to maybe see my favorite bird be named the most favoritest of them all. I mean, if you were going to rename the bird Beaky McBeakface, then maybe I would see you doing something like this. Maybe you would try to figure out some way to fix the election.

But if you're just going to say he's number one bird, what is the point? What, do you get money if you see one or something? It's like voting and getting real upset about voting for your state bird. Or like, oh, it's a cardinal. Okay, well, so what? Well, then, it just is that bad. Nobody cares. Okay.

Thanks for the fucking trivia. I didn't care before. I'll get that little pie right in my goddamn Trivial Pursuit game. Lucille's emergency stash of wine, which he mistook for a giant juice box it was the first taste of alcohol buster had since he was nursing this story is just a little piece of joy and i grabbed this one from fox on purpose dc liquor stores sell more champagne after Trump lost

than in the last two New Year's combined. I had some champagne the other night. I broke into a bottle of champagne. I bought a chocolate cake. I had a little celebration when I found out it was Saturday night. And there was people all over the streets. I got to say,

that was so heartening to watch all those people from all over the country pour out onto the streets that night. After they found out, after it's announced, they circled the White House. They were all over in all these big, huge, huge, huge cities all over the country in L.A., in Chicago, New York, Washington, D.C. They were all over the country. They were out there celebrating.

And I loved it. I thought it was amazing. And I remember talking to a couple of weeks ago, Tom, we were talking about the Trump, uh, effect and how he gets all these people to come out for, uh, for his rallies. And the moment I saw all those people pouring out on the street, I said, oh, there is another side to that. It's just, they're happy when he's gone. They won't go see him. They're just happy when he's not there. Nobody's out there. I don't go see him. They're just happy when he's not there. Nobody's out there. I don't think, I mean, yeah, sure.

There's people out there celebrating Biden, but I think more so they're celebrating no Trump. Yeah. Oh, that's what I was celebrating. Don't get me wrong. I'm happy to have Biden. I am genuinely happy to have Biden, but I am, I would be this happy

if it was like a broken light bulb. Sure. If there was a broken light bulb that was going to be the next president of the United States. Like, yeah, broken light bulb. I'd be begrudgingly, I'd be more happy for a broken light bulb than I would be for Amy Klobuchar,

but I would be begrudgingly happy for Amy Klobuchar right now. Yeah. So yeah. Yeah. Any, anybody that's not Trump at this point, like lava lamp. Right, yeah.

Anybody that's not Trump at this point, like, lava lamp! And I would be a little more happy for her than Marianne Williamson, for sure. I would say, Marianne Williamson, I don't know that I could wave a Marianne Williamson banner. I don't think I would be able to pick one up, but still. It was just such a joy-filled day, though, and it's so fun to watch all those people out on the street

and all those people dancing and people driving around. Philadelphia was full of people. There was a couple of cities though where Trump people went out there and got mad at each other, I guess. I don't know. They were mad together for a while.

They stayed mad for a couple hours together and marched around in circles angrily, I guess. I don't know what they did, but. Let's have our public anger stewing. Yeah. angrily i guess i don't know what they did but let's have our public anger stewing yeah i i was actually uh sleeping in on saturday and like my wife hayley she's just slapping me awake with joy she read it on the news yeah just slapping me and i'm like what the fucking what is wrong and she's like it's over you know holy. It was, it's an amazing, that is an amazing, amazing day.

Saturday felt so good. Yeah. It felt, I mean, Cecil overseas, they were shooting off fireworks into the air. Sure, sure. In Paris and in London, they're like, whoa. Yeah. Yeah. I saw a tweet that I thought was awesome.

It said, live your life so that when you quit your job, the whole world doesn't celebrate. And I was like, that's amazing. So I was cleaning up. My wife had to go into work that morning. She actually had to go into the office to let somebody into her building. And so she was out and I thought, you know what? I'm going to clean up the house. I'll straighten up a little bit. And so I was vacuuming and I had headphones in, right? So I had my headphones in, I was listening to a book and I'm vacuuming, I'm going around vacuuming. And I hear through my headphones and the vacuum cleaner, people screaming next door, yelling as loud as they can. I could hear it. And I saw, I stopped my book, I stopped and they're screaming. And so I go and I turn the TV on. Well, I had Fox on, uh, on the TV

before. So when I powered the TV up, Fox hadn't called it yet. And I love to watch Fox just because of num, num, num. I love watching these people try to fucking figure out how they're going to try to spin a Biden win. And so it was just, it was to me, I thought it was so much fun to watch Fox over the past couple of days. So Fox is on, I'm thinking, well, what the fuck are you screaming about? Fox hasn't called anything. And I figured, you know, what's the, so I switch, as soon as I switched to CNN, it just a huge fucking graphic pops up.

It's like, boom, big giant Joe Biden, boom, boom, boom, and like fucking fireworks turn up. It's like, come on, it's like new president, motherfucker, boom. And all these fucking graphics are shooting across. There's some dude who spent the last four days on fucking After Effects, just fucking throwing in any new thing.

He like loaded up PowerPoint. There's a fucking paper clip in the corner that's fucking telling you that Joe Biden won. There was so many graphics on this fucking screen. It was unreal. It looks like you're trying to elect a new president. Would you like some help? It was unreal, dude.

But as soon as they turned out it's like oh and then i went over to my window and i opened my window and people were literally screaming someone was in a balcony across the way and they just had a pot and a fucking wooden spoon and they're just banging on the fucking thing they're just screaming as loud as they can and for the next 15 minutes in chicago people were screaming out their windows, cheering that Joe Biden had won because someone had found out. And it was like for 15 straight minutes in Chicago. And you could go online and find videos of this from New York, from other places where a bunch of people where you find skyscrapers and there's just people screaming out windows when

they found out. Yeah. Even I will, even here in the suburbs, like we had and our neighbors had and other people, we're blasting air horns into the air. Yeah. Like, the suburbs erupted. Yeah. You wouldn't think so because we're supposed to be afraid of the black people or whatever, but it turns out the suburbs have plenty of fucking black

people and we're not racist. It was great, though. It was a really great moment. I saw some detour signs. I didn't see any. I saw them when you and mom were trying to fold the map. Audrey, when they close the road, they put up big signs like this one.

This story is so fucking goofy. I love it. This is from Oregon, from Clackamas County, the News Tribune. The getaway car was easy to spot. Oregon cops say it had a sofa on top. The dude steals a car.

And the car he chooses to steal is a Mazda CX-9 with a fucking couch on the roof. And then he goes and robs a fucking hardware store. And then he runs out to his fucking getaway car which is the most obvious fucking car that he stole with a couch on the roof of the fucking car it's amazing and the cops he tears ass the cops go after him and everything chase him down the road we're looking for the car with extra seating it's a third row on top the only thing that would have made this better is if his fucking like if he had an looking for the car with extra seating. It's a third row on top. The only thing that would have made this better

is if his fucking, like if he had an accomplice or something that was on the couch. That would have been, that would have been, oh, it would have been amazing. That would have been

a Florida story. He's driving down the road like the Memorex guy. He's just, the hair is flying and he's just sitting there. Is it a felony or is it Memorex? He went straight from the love seat to the hot seat. He's just sitting there. Is it a felony or is it memorandum?

He went straight from the love seat to the hot seat. That's what happened. This is such a great. Have you ever had to move anything and have to do it jankily? Has that ever happened? Like, have you ever had to do that where you had to? Because this is, if you see this photo, i would not ever do this i would never do that would never occur to me that this would be a way that you could even do this so i've but i've seen

pictures of people where they they have done this with tons like literally a ton of drywall on the top of their car and they strapped it in and it's broken the top of their car before. I've seen, you've seen these on the internet, right? Oh, I've seen them, yeah. They're amazing. It's amazing. Have you ever had to ever transport anything in a janky way where you've had to hold it? Because I've seen people driving down the road in Chicago

where they're holding a mattress on the top of the, I watched it happen. They're literally, they have one guy on one side, another guy on the other side driving and they are holding with their hands. It's not even strapped. It's not even strapped on. They're holding with their hands. The mattress is they're driving down the highway. I've seen the highway, the highway, Tom. I've seen it. I've seen it. Yeah. I have, I have been

with my dad many, many times when he had a car. My dad always did home improvement and woodworking and stuff. So, um, and I've been many, many times to the hardware store and we've tied a bunch of shit to the roof we've tied like four by eight sheets of drywall or plywood to the roof but like we tie it really fucking well and then i will admit though you just instinctively put your hand up there even though it's it's 300 pounds of wood which if the fucking wind takes it at 40 miles an hour my fucking hand is just gonna get splinters that's not that's all that's gonna happen i'm gonna laugh that's just your that's your whoopee fucking uh plywood you know exactly you're just holding it just to think that you're doing so you're not doing anything no i will say i had

a truck i had a light duty nissan truck um And one time I was moving from my house in one suburb to another suburb. And I was moving a bunch of stuff. And I fucking just so stupid. I put my son's dresser in the trunk or in the truck in the bed for some dumb ass reason. I put it in there. I put a whole bunch of other shit in there and I had it standing up and I didn't secure the drawers. And I still don't know why I would have done this. And I drove. And as soon as I turned out of my subdivision, the fucking drawers, all of them shot out of the fucking dresser and hit the gun. And they were full of clothes and shit. And they hit the fucking road and they spewed their contents everywhere. And I just was like, well, of course that happened. And my fucking brain was like, I've moved.

I'm good at moving. I've moved a million times. You tape shit shut. You fucking lay things down. I've moved a million times. I'm good at it. And for some dumb ass reason, I must have been overtired or something. Sure, sure. And I just drove and I was like, whoa!

That was that idiot. Stupid witch who answers back must burn until her bones are black. No, no. A foolish witch without a brain must sizzle into fiery flame.

A bitch Who dares to say I'm wrong Will not be vicious Very long This is a sign of This is like one of those articles Cecil That could not be more of its time USA

Today had to publish this so think about what that means for society USA Today fact check there's no evidence to support claims that Lady Gaga is a witch really that's a whole article huh I think you could

actually replace Lady Gaga with anyone. A witch. Here, let me read it. Fact check, there is no evidence to support claims that anyone is a witch. There you go. I think you fixed it, Tom. Lady Gaga is fucking superfluous to the goddamn conversation about who is a fucking witch.

The only witches are people that post their charcuterie on fucking Instagram. They're fucking charcuterie witches. Why do we care what sausage they're eating? Like, how does that affect us at all? What do I care what fucking jade egg you shove up your hoo-ha?

Why should that matter to me? It's just insane. I can't believe that this is in fucking USA Today that they have to reassure people. This is a reassurance piece in USA Today that someone isn't a mythical creature.

I thought about, can you imagine if you're the guy and your editor's like, all right, Cecil, you got to write the Lady Gaga is not a witch piece. This is my resignation. It's a, I just want to say, you know, let me, let me read the beginning of this. On the eve of the 2020 election, several artists took the Biden, took the Biden-Harris campaign stage in a final plea for support from their fan bases. The next morning, adversaries rekindled old QAnon adjacent conspiracy theories to discredit Lady Gaga's political outcry.

The common theme? Gaga is a witch. According to this person on Facebook, they called Gaga, quote, a high-ranking witch in the music industry. High-ranking? And I thought, that's a niche in a niche. It really is. You not only have to be a witch, but you have to be a witch in the music industry. And then you're somehow ranked. How many fucking broomsticks do you have to sell to go platinum witch?

What is that? You really have to sweep the Grammys. That's for sure. If you're a witch. Oh, Cecil. I had that coming. You brought up brooms, motherfucker. It's on you.

Oh, God. I think this is just an attempt by USA to sweep this whole thing under the rug. Sweep it under the rug? Oh, yeah. Fuck this. I actually saw this article twice, and I didn't know which one to get. Well, if you're a high-level witch, you're Lady Gaga,

but if you're a low-level witch, that means you're near the ground, so you're a sandwich, right? Is that... Oh, tune in for the Trump hate. Stay for the dad jokes. That's for sure. Oh, tune in for the Trump hate.

Stay for the dad jokes. That's for sure. The doctor says you are making great strides with your exploding problem. Well, the way I see it. This next story, I just can't. I just can't this next story. I just can't this next story, Tom. I got two stories this week that are like this.

I just can't this one. This is the saddest story ever. I can't this next story, Tom. I got two stories this week that are like this. I just can't this one. This is the saddest story ever. I can't. And Cecil, I'm going to, before I send this to you, I have a screenshot. I didn't put this in there. I'm going to send this to you. Okay. I took this screenshot the other day, and this is real.

So I'm going to send this over to you, Cecil. Please don't be a dick pic. Please don't be a dick pic. Please don't be a dick pic. I'll send you a different screenshot, Cecil, than the one I was planning. So if you want, if you're ever wondering how lonely

the world is and what our options are, Cecil, this was advertised to me on Facebook. I saw this. I'm going to read it. I saw this the other day, Tom. Go ahead. Replica, my AI friend. Replica spelled with a K, Tom. Go ahead. Replica, my AI friend. Replica spelled the K

for no reason. Yeah. Replica, I hate that, by the way. I fucking hate just misspelling things to brand a word.

It's an asshole thing to do. If you do that, anyone out there that owns a business, if you misspell something just to claim it as your brand name, that makes you an asshole.

Yeah. Replica is the first AI. Or if you name your fucking landscaping company after a famous name, that makes you an asshole. Replica is the first AI... Or if you name your fucking landscaping company after a famous fucking hotel, you're an asshole. Replica is the first AI companion you create and chat with. Join the millions talking to their AI friend today. Then it has a weird

uncanny valley picture of a not real person. Very uncanny valley picture of a very uncanny valley very uncanny valley saying i've been missing you which makes me sad and then meet the ai companion who's there for you yeah okay um that dovetails nicely with this story from cET. Jesus Christ. This pale, sweaty robot hand wants to take romantic walks with you. What now? What do you do? From Japan comes a soft,

warm, motorized hand. What is happening in the world? That lets you, quote, experience holding your girlfriend's hand more easily than finding a girlfriend. I am... Why though am i don't want this could you to be the world cecil look man get a rescue animal okay the rescue animal is gonna love you it's gonna be you're gonna be able to take care of something you're gonna have a uh you know a friend that you

can you know spend time with go out for long walks with a rescue dog or something but the idea that you're gonna fucking buy an electric robot hand that gets warm so you can hold it and also it's a hand like if you can't fuck a hand and you're single you're're a loser. I'm just going to say it out loud. I don't mean to say that. I don't mean to say that because there are people out there that don't have hands and I don't want to say that because it's rude to those people. Yeah, but they can't hold hands with this robot hand either, Cecil. Let's

just all throw our hands collectively in the air. Whether they're robotic, whether they're real doesn't matter fuck that's so sad this fucking hand holding machine from japan so you can walk around the streets holding a weird franken hand it's a dismembered hand this isn't like part of a thing it's just a fucking it's just a fucking ghostly hand that you walk around and hold next to your body. I got to read this thing because it's so... Sometimes you just want a warm hand to hold, but there aren't any around.

At least not any connected to humans. That's a problem. All right, that's where a new robotic hand coming out of Japan comes in. It's covered with a soft, pliable gel to feel more like skin than machine. And when you squeeze it, it squeezes back. Because that wouldn't scare me. Four engineers from GIFU University

created the motorized device to let users, quote, experience holding your girlfriend's hand more easily than finding a girlfriend. In its current form, somebody with a name I can't pronounce, or this thing, rather, called My Girlfriend in Walk, is a cumbersome-looking wearable contraption with wires and a track that might detract from the romance of long, leisurely strolls. But though a dismembered hand can take the place of a real in...

whatever, in a marada, its creators have taken several steps to create the realism a cloth inside the hand emits the fragrance of a woman's shampoo yeah so you sounds of your virtual girlfriend steps and breathing and the rustle of her clothes play through an accompanying app on your smartphone and if you want the warm hand to seem just a little nervous just add a damp cloth between the heater and the skin and bits of moisture escape through small pores in the material. I don't want to live here anymore. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

I quit. That's the saddest thing I've ever read. I quit. I've read The Road. Yeah. That's sadder than The Road. Absolutely. Absolutely.

Yeah. Blood Meridian had a happy ending compared to that article. Well, this is a hand, so I guarantee there's happy endings. There's two options to that.

Either these creatures actually came here or whatever extraterrestrials were here created them. And

it's a huge, huge question because both possibilities, in my opinion, are possible. And see, so one more out of Japan, robots to fix problems story. This is coming from Manichi. A wolf robot that can roar

and flash its eyes to scare off brown bears hakaido city deploys monster wolf robot to scare away bears it the only reason cecil it's you gotta look at this picture this picture looks like stilts covered in an old blanket with like a werewolf head on it yeah it's like what it's like what your mom, when you told your mom you wanted to be a fucking wolf for Halloween, she went out and found an old ugly blanket and gave you bangs

and then said, just lean over a little. You're a wolf now. Shut up, kid. That's what it looks like. It looks like an arts and crafts wolf. That's what it looks like. It does.

Yeah. It does. The body and the head aren't even the same color fur. Arts and crafts wolf. That's what it looks like. It does. Yeah. It does. The body and the head aren't even the same color fur. Arts and crafts wolf. That's what it is. Yeah. Man, if your neighborhood has a problem with bears, you need a bear patrol.

That's what you need. I've learned that. What I love is that it's essentially a fucking tunnel of love exhibit because it's set up on a motion sensor. And so it's like those terrible fucking carnival rides that you'd walk in where you step on the plate and then a thing turns and goes. That's essentially what it is. I know. It's a bad Jurassic Park ride at a carnival.

That's what it is. I would rather live with the bears. Yeah. I don't want to, I don't want my, you know, I just, I just don't want to be embarrassed.

It's just so embarrassing. You have the option as bears or this weird, shitty, yelling wolf thing. I'll be like, yeah, bears.

Bears it is, guys. Send me a bear. Hook me up with the bears. Look it up on Google. Well, I think it's an E. it's supposed to be an e but look at the three red flags or three red banners and they mean communism he's not communism

right there on the flag you got it really sister it comes from abc 3340 news.com or whatever alabama police captain on social media about Biden voters, quote, put a bullet in their skull. Well, put a fucking period at the end of your career, asshole, because you're done. Right. On his personal Facebook page, he wrote about people who voted for Biden saying, quote, they need to line up every one of them and put a bullet in their skull for treason. Then his comment was in response to a user writing, quote, the idiots that voted for Biden hated Trump enough to throw the country away.

Thank the lying liberals and Democrat news media. Yeah, and then he was immediately relieved from his duties as soon as they found this out. You know, I've seen actually in an organization I belong to right after the election, someone who's part of the organization is sort of a respected member of the organization. I don't know him personally. Posted some shit that basically said, you better you Biden supporters better watch out. This is treason.

And he basically talked about going out and shooting people, going out and murdering people. Jesus, what? And so, you know, but he was, he put, you know, at the end, so you know it's a joke, Tom, he put L-A-M-F-O or whatever, you know, at the end.

So it's like, ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, right, right. Hey guys, I, but immediately afterwards, he posts this apology, non-apology. And so this is, it's just pathetic and sick when

when you get caught that you don't stand up for and say fucking yeah, I'm a fucking racist, shitty asshole who has a fucking gun. That's what I am. Instead they always they always pull back because they know what's the wrong thing to do. They know what they did was wrong and they always pull back and then

and then when people don't forgive him, you're the bad guy. Like how is that even possible? Well, and shit like this, these fucking idiots forget that the internet is forever. And the internet moves beyond their circle of fucking circle jerk idiots. This is the kind of guy who's used to being able to say whatever the fuck he wants in whatever environment he wants to say it. And because he's generally surrounded by idiots that fucking agree or intimidated to don't say anything back. How many times have you in person, and we've talked about this on the show, as it happened to me all the time, where you, I'll tell the story. I went to a gun store once when Obama

was president. And I was looking at a pistol. I was thinking about buying this pistol. And I was looking at this pistol and the gun shop, it was just me and this guy. And the gun shop owner just starts going on this fucking tirade, racist as hell, about Obama. And I thought, yeah, this has happened to me a million times in my life because he thinks I'm another white guy in your gun store that agrees with you. So he's used to just being able to say whatever awful mean-spirited shitty racist stuff he wants to say yep without any risk recourse these guys haven't figured out the internet yet yeah it's not your gun store as soon as i walk out i actually forgot what fucking gun store it was one because i'll never go there again i won't buy a gun from that place but that dies in that room. Yeah. And these guys haven't figured out that your racist,

mean-spirited, vitriolic shit does not die in the room when you post it in a public forum, you idiot! So we want to thank our patrons. Of course, we want to thank all our patrons. I'd like to thank our newest patrons. Starlight Glimmer did nothing wrong. Single Malt Sinner.

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And you guys are the reason that we're going to be able to do the things that we do to donate to the Georgia runoff election, which we are planning to do. That's literally not something we'd be able to do if we didn't have you guys, our patrons. So we're very grateful to you. And we hope that, you know, we put the money genuinely to good use because we care about, you know, the things that we talk about and we do want to put our money where our mouth is, but we need your money first. I know that I would have been able to donate for sure to this, but I'm going to be able to donate a lot more money now because of the

patrons. So thank you so much. Yeah. We got a message. This is from Sherry and she says, I'm listening on Friday night to our live stream when we had Heath on. This is if you're a patron, you can get all four of those hours that we recorded on election night in audio format as a patron. And they say, I was getting depressed by the Tuesday night optimism until Heath realized that Trump would die and we would likely be alive for it. And I hadn't thought of that and instantly cheered. Absolutely. It's such a great thought. It's such a great thought.

Absolutely. It's such a great thought. It's such a great thought. I just, every time I see that man and I think about his lifestyle and I realize that it also just probably won't be that long. Right. It just won't be that long. It's not one of these things you have to wait 20 years for. It's not waiting for the death of Castro, right?

Right. When you're mainlining butter, you can't stay alone that long. No matter what, you're going to go. It's going to happen. When you genuinely think that exercise is something that depletes your finite life battery or whatever.

You're right. You're right. You're shit out of luck. We got a message from Elvis and Elvis sent an image and it is a great image. It's a newspaper article that we are going to post

on this week's show notes. Very, very funny. Thank you, Elvis. We got a message from Ernst. Is that how you say that? Ernst? I think so. Ernst and Flavia.

They sent us a message and said, we never met since they live in the Netherlands and they didn't bother to come to QED the couple of times that we were there. That seems kind of lazy. I know, right? Gosh, you're right there. All you got to do is like,

you literally can step over that channel, right? It's not, it's like a puddle. Can you just swim? That's a puddle. It doesn't look that big a deal. They do it all the time. Anyway, they said that they've been looking on at the Trump presidency

and just have been looking at it with sheer horror. And they wanted to say, you know, this is so great for you guys, but both Tom and I, when we read this email, both said it ain't over. It still ain't over. And, uh, and even after Biden takes over, it still might not be over. We're still looking at Trump rallies and goofiness until Trump kicks it. Well, and Trump has already started a pack. Yeah, that super pack. There's already conversation about Trump in 2024. This shit isn't over until we bury that guy. Yeah, he's got to die first.

Die from natural causes. Natural causes. It happens because it happens to everybody. Everybody dies. We just want him to die. We just want him to die. We just want him to die because he's a bad person. Sometimes it's gleeful. Yeah.

We got a message from Casey and he has an image here, Tom, of a fucking eggnog popsicle. What has gone wrong in your fucking life to have an eggnog fucking popsicle? I would put almost anything else in my mouth first. And almost anything else. I know. I will say this too. What's crazy is, is the color on this looks like infected milk.

That's what it looks like. It really does. It looks like, it really does. It looks like milk you would throw away. Yeah. We got a message. This is from Mara. And she says,

hard disagree on the centrism thing. And this is referring to something we were talking about last week. We were saying that, you know, maybe it might be a good thing that Biden is a centrist. Mara says, the right is going to attack any democratic candidate as a radical socialist, no matter how center right that candidate is. And the people in the right wing media echo chamber will believe it. Shunning leftist candidates will not fix things. We need to deal with the right-wing media propaganda machine. That's the problem here, not lack of enthusiasm for progressive candidates. I will point out a couple of things. There was a meme that was going around recently where it showed where all the progressive house people won their seats and a lot of the centrist loss. But I will point out that in

small markets, probably progressive candidates probably do pretty well. But I have not in my lifetime seen a progressive candidate do well in the large market. It just hasn't happened. And I did point out to Tom, calling Bernie Sanders a democratic socialist is different than calling Biden a democratic socialist because Biden lasts it off, Bernie embraces it. And I think that that's the huge difference is that you have people from both sides looking at him and saying, man, you're a socialist. Yeah, I'm a little confused at the idea that America embraces progressive values.

When we have progressive candidates, they don't fare well. They just don't fare well against less progressive candidates. California, just two weeks ago, had a host of progressive ballot measures that failed in the state of California. I would like to believe that we were a more progressive nation, but we do not act like it. The thing is, you don't have to convince the right.

No one gives a shit about the right. The right's the is, you don't have to convince the right. No one gives a shit about the right. The right's the right. They're going to vote on the right. You've got to convince the center and the not all the way to the left left. And we haven't done that. We have not. We don't have a history of having accomplished that. So until we accomplish that, I don't believe it because we keep putting progressives up and they keep not getting the fucking votes. So until the progressives get the fucking votes that the centrists get, I'm going to believe that the centrists are more popular. And I will say the progressives are in some pockets across this country winning elections. And that is a great fucking sign. That is awesome. I actually think in a very progressive mindset, I feel like a progressive, a very harsh, hardcore progressive line would be an amazing direction that this country could take. I am 100% with you. I just don't see it as realistic in the major market. I see it as realistic in the smaller market and the smaller

markets you get to lean on and become leaders in the house of representatives, the better off we're going to be. I agree with you, but I don't see it as a, I don't, I mean, this last couple elections, we saw the most center person, Hillary Clinton and fucking Biden, were the ones that came out ahead. Yeah. We have a whole system to decide what kind of candidate we want. That's the primary. And in the primary, the centrists win because America is mostly right. I mean, we're mostly right and center right. That's where most of the people are. Most of the left isn't even progressive. It's just the numbers aren't there. I just don't believe it. The numbers are not there. Again, California lost on a whole host of progressive

ballot measures just this year. And that's in California. I mean, look at a state that's less progressive than California. Yeah. Nine million people voted for Biden, five million for Trump, and they couldn't pass those. I will say too, you know, you had said sometimes even to people on the left or the center left, socialism is a bad word to some of those people. For sure. Yeah. I think there's a ton of people in the center and in the center left that they don't want socialism. That's not what they want. They don't want some of these big progressive ideas. We're just, we're not all that far left. I mean, as a country, we are not as far left. It's just, I wish we were, but we're not. The numbers just don't seem to bear it out. Time and time again, they don't, we're not showing up

to the polls to make that happen. We got a message from Matt and Matt says, you know, you guys were saying, hey, watch Mitch McConnell's chin grow. Well, how about we watch the shit on his arm grow. The blackness that is, that is the soul that's leaping out onto his hand. Cause he has got, I had heard that this might be a, a medication problem that he has, but, but it looks, he looks fucked up.

Yeah. Whatever the problem is, I'm just glad Mitch McConnell's having problems. I don't care. I just, I don't want anything in his life to go well i want every day of his life i agree to go worse than the next day i want it to be a cascading series of shit dominoes yeah that he constantly has to put up with because he is a horror of a human being so

i think it's funny i like i hope whatever shit happens, I hope when he tries to touch his wife with that nasty, disgusting hand of his, that she shrinks back in horror at the sight of him. I hope his children cry. I hope his grandchildren shriek in horror upon gazing at his hideous visage. I agree.

I actually hope it hurts a lot. I hope it spreads to his actually hope it hurts a lot. I hope it spreads to his chin and it hurts his face. I hope he has chin arthritis. That's what I hope. He's a bad person. I hope bad things for him. Yeah. I got a message.

I guess we've been pronouncing Tommy Tuberville's name wrong. It's Tuberville, but it doesn't matter because he's from Alabama and I literally don't care. Tuberville is funnier. Tuberville it is, but I guess it's Tuberville's name wrong. It's Tuberville, but it doesn't matter because he's from Alabama and I literally don't care. And Tuberville is funnier. So Tuberville it is. But I guess it's Tuberville. We got your correction.

Got a message from Jerry and Jerry sent in an image. This is a Star Trek image that we liked quite a bit. It's going to be on this week's show notes. Check it out. This week's episode is 550. We got a message.

This is from Josh. We're going to include a link in this week's show notes..50. We got a message. This is from Josh. We're going to include a link in this week's show notes. But he says his wife has started an Etsy shop to sell the cloth masks that she makes. And she is going to be donating all the profits during the next month or so while the Georgia runoffs are going on to ActBlue through January. So if you go to blue2020.penco.design,

you can buy something at this little Etsy shop that one of our listeners has, and they're going to donate the profits. They're essentially working for free until fucking January to make stuff for people. And they're going to donate the profits to the Georgia runoff. So we'll put a link on this week's show notes. I also just said it, January to make stuff for people and they're going to donate the profits to, uh,

to the Georgia runoff. So we'll put a link on this week's show notes. I also just said it so you could just rewind to and listen to it. But, uh, but yeah, that's awesome. And we,

good luck to you, uh, to you both. Thank you so much. And, uh, and we're hoping to donate some of our money and hopefully you will save up your pennies.

Cause we are going to be doing a live stream specifically for the Georgia runoff and we will keep you posted on that. We need to make sure that we secure all the people that are going to be involved. And as soon as we do that, we will let you know when it's going to happen. Got a bunch of people, Tom, told us they rode around in dryers.

I am vindicated. There's a bunch of people who've done it. I am amazed that this is like not just a crazy Cecil story. How is this? There's just a bunch of fucking kids just in the dryer i'd love it i love it i love it i love that i'm not the only person i think we need to have a special handshake or a tattoo or something we all share yeah our blood

type it's just a bunch of fucking dizzy people vomiting at each other. Exactly. Yeah. So, all right. Well, that is going to wrap it up for this week. Be sure to check out our live streams on Thursday night and also be sure to check with us, probably our social media and also on the show when we let you know. It's going to be later this month, hopefully, when we do that live stream,

but we'd love for you to show up. Save your pennies for that live stream so you can donate to the Georgia runoffs because, man, if we have to sit through another four years of Mitch McConnell, I found out the worst part about all that too, Tom, is that the Senate has to approve

all the appointees to the cabinet. I know. So Bernie Sanders, you try to put Bernie Sanders as the fucking, the guy who's going to be the labor secretary, which is what they're talking about. He might not. Just McConnell. Yeah, They won't do it.

They might just say no. So, you know, if you run into those problems, even the best of days, too, the worst part about this is the Democrats can't agree all the time. And even on the best of days, you need every single Democrat on board. Even with these two votes, you need every single Democrat on board. This is a nightmare. This is a fucking nightmare.

And the problems we have are too big. Yeah, we've got to get some fucking solutions and some work done. Georgia is pivotal to that. It's absolutely pivotal. So we're going to be running that live stream. Who would have ever thought Georgia would matter? That's crazy to me.

But I am happy that it's blue and Atlanta can turn that fucker blue. So hell yeah, man. Just keep running with it. I love it. All right. Well, that's going to wrap it up for this week. You're going to leave you like we always do with the skeptics creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno Babylon bullshit couched in scientician, double bubble toil and trouble pseudo quasi alternative acupunctuating pressurized

stereogram pyramidal free energy healing water downward spiral brain dead pan sales pitch late night info docutainment leo pisces cancer cures detox reflex foot massage death and towers tarot cards psychic healing crystal balls Bigfoot Yeti aliens churches mosques and synagogues temples dragons giant worms Atlantis dolphins truthers birthers witches wizards vaccine nuts shaman healers evangelists conspiracy double-speak stigmata nonsense sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody. Evidential.

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