Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 553: Trump's Tiny Desk

Episode Date: December 7, 2020

THE SHOWNOTES Ripass Rudy     Rudy's star witness     Trump Covid     LIVESTREAM TO SAVE THE SENATE link Donate: Rewatch the Stream   Kenneth Copeland Metal   I LISTEN TO THE SHOW (occasionally). Here is the thing I remembered to post   

Today's show is brought to you by AdamandEve.com. Go to AdamandEve.com right now and you'll get 50% off just about any item. All you have to do is enter the code word GLORY, G-L-O-R-Y, at checkout. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording live from Glory Hole Studios and the other studio, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad.

It's skeptical, It's political. And there is no welcome at. This is episode 553 of Cognitive Dissonance. And Cecil, you know what we are right now, buddy? What's that? We are our first 6-3 decision into the new Supreme Court. Just happened this week. Amy Coney Barrett, 6-3 decision.

Guess what? You can now have religious gatherings, even in a pandemic, that are as big as you want them to have. And the governor can't do shit about it. And they ruled on it. Incidentally, they ruled on it even after New York had already removed

the sanction. And they did that to send the message, I think, a couple of different messages. One is, this is a court which will favor religious freedom over practicality, sense, science, reason, anything else. Human life, of course.

And then also to just say, hey, this is what 6-3 looks like, bitches. I think it really was a shot across the bow. Yeah. Because there was no reason to take the case. There was no substance left to it. The actual, you know, the rule imposed by New York had already been lifted. Yeah.

It's amazing. Here we are, buddy. This is what the, for all you guys that are like, Oh, you know, it doesn't matter if you vote.

Everybody's as bad as everybody else. Really? Cause you know, I can tell you objectively that that's not true as evidenced by this week. Well, and, and that's why what we did on black Friday last week was so so important right so last week if you missed it we did a live stream to save the senate we wound up raising after it's all the dust has settled uh

through 136 000 uh 136 13 i guess is 13 36 000 and 13 as well. At $13,000, I donated, made all the difference. $13,000 in there, went in there. But we wound up raising, while that stream was running, over $120,000 while the stream itself was running. And the, we want to, first off, I want to say thank you

to everybody who participated because it was outstanding. The people who came out and and donated the the people who were involved from the from the other side with the match donations as well as all the people who came out and donated during uh all the part the podcasts that participated raised a lot of money and we're talking you know even the even the small even the smallest amount of money that was raised was still four or four to $5,000, even the smallest amount of money raised. And so that's a, that's a huge amount of money that was given to the, to the two, uh, uh,

candidates in the runoff election down there. The amount of money was just in an intense amount. Opening arguments came in second place. Puzzle and Thunderstorm came in first place. And Tom and I will, if you count all the stuff that happened afterwards and our match of $5,000 between the two of us, we are firmly in third place. Third place! Third place, firmly in third place.

And then very close to us is the How To Heretic guys. So, yeah. But we had- Just awesome from everybody. We just had a great time. It was really great. It really turned out. And the people that came were engaged

and we had a really fun, I got a ton of messages afterwards that people said, that was the most fun I've had watching a live stream, just laughing, belly laughing the whole day. Just had a great time. That's, yeah.

It was such a good three-hour show. I mean, it was such a good three hour show. I mean, it was just as, as just a three hour show, it was great, but I think it might be the most important thing we've done in years. Yeah. Yeah. You know, we've, we've done some fun stuff that has, I think, made an impact, right? We've, we've raised a hell of a lot of money. Um, obviously with our listeners, um, for modest needs, we've done that a few times. We've raised money for doctors without borders, but this is a matter of whether or not we have a functioning government. Yeah, for sure. That's really what this is.

Are we going to have a government that functions? Are we going to have an administration that has the ability to appoint his own cabinet? Are we going to have judgeships that are filled and appointed? Are we going to have stimulus packages that matter? Or is the only way that anything is going to happen is an additional creep of executive power, right? You get one of three options, either

fucking absolutely nothing happens, nothing. We have essentially no functioning government because you have fucking senior Mitch McConnell, who's the fucking biggest dick-wilting cock blocker in the entire world. He's going to turn everything down, right? Or we flip the Senate and we can actually get things done on the actual administrative merits. It's a weak fucking flip here, guys.

Oh, it's the weakest flip. This is even with the best possible outcome, it's a goddamn weak flip because you have to get every single Democrat on board and the VP has to vote. So it's a weak flip. Yeah, you got to hurt a lot of cats. Every time you want to get anything done, you've got to get all the Democrats to agree to like pretend they're a team. And Democrats are the worst at that. So that's your best case scenario. And then your other worst case scenario

here, and there's not a lot of good options, is that the only things that get accomplished, get accomplished through executive order. Yep, through executive order, and then you're fucked. That is a massive additional creep, and it just continues to set a precedent that the president is a king, or the president is emperor. And we saw what four years of a bad emperor looks like.

Sure. It's a goddamn disaster. So this might be one of the most impactful things that we have done in the 12, 13 years we've been podcasting. Yeah, it was an amazing outpouring. I want to say too, I want to just say on the air, thank you to all the podcasts that wound up participating. They were the ones, you know, they brought their,

they motivated their audiences. You know, there's audience overlap for sure, but they motivated their audiences to come and to donate during this thing. And we could not have done it without them. We certainly couldn't have done it without Ian. Ian orchestrated and ran the thing very, very well. And I also do want to thank my wife, Sarah, who put together all the images, all the social media stuff that who put together all the images, all the social media

stuff that was put together. She was behind the scenes doing a lot of work for this thing. And so without those people, this wouldn't have turned out the way it did. And it turned out amazing. And so it really worked out. And I think that in the future, Tom and I are looking at this as another way, maybe, you know, I don't know when, but as another way to hopefully motivate people to donate some money, because we know that our community is very generous and there are a lot of good causes out there to sort of aim at. And so we're thinking about this in a structural way in a future for sure. structural way in a future uh for sure i can only count to four i can only count to four i can only count to four i can only count to so this first story comes from the nation..com. Donald Trump just paid $3 million to expand Joe Biden's margin of victory.

The best part is, Tom, in this article, they go through the trouble of doing the math. And in the math portion of the program here, they wound up counting the number of net positive votes for Biden and how much it costs. And there's a quote in here. It says, that's right. Donald Trump's campaign paid 34,500 to a vote to strengthen Biden's claim on the presidency. That's so amazing. This is amazing. This is like, this is like paying for the fucking condom bill for the fucking dude. That's got fucking your wife. for the fucking dude that's got fucking your wife. That's exactly... Hang on.

Hold on. Let me get those guys. Do you want them ripped for her pleasure? Exactly. Are you fucking kidding me? Jesus Christ. You know, I would say that this was a bad use of money, but he's raised vastly more than $3 million.

A lot of money. That all goes essentially to him. So he created a political action committee. So smart. Those are just garbage organizations that essentially have no rules. Like those things are fucking crazy. Unreal. We shouldn't have them with a six,

three. Don't expect them to have rules anytime soon either folks. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. So he created a political act, political action committee and then he sent out all these notices to everybody

like fight the fraud and save the election and all that and then tucked away in the fine print that basically says, hey, thanks for the money. Here's how we're going to use it. First, we're going to pay off our campaign debt that has nothing to do with what we said we were asking for the money for. Then after that all the rest of the money goes to my personal

political action committee, of which he can take a salary of unlimited dollars from the political action committee. So he can essentially take all that money and then just pay it to himself. So the longer he keeps this going

and the further he fans these fires, it doesn't matter if, I don't think that he's, the man cannot possibly be deluded into believing he's going to win, but that doesn't matter if, I don't think that he's, the man cannot possibly be deluded into believing he's going to win, but that doesn't matter. If he gets, if he had 70 million people that voted for him and a tiny fraction of those people donate a tiny fraction amount of money, it's still millions and millions of dollars that he can bilk out of the people.

And all he has to do is fan the flames of discontent and destroy American democracy. That's what he's doing. He's selling the destruction of democracy to you in order to personally fucking enrich himself. And, you know, here's the

crazy thing about all of this is that, you know, there's not just a small amount of people out there that believe this. There's a, there's a fucking gigantic portion of the population that believes that somehow there was rampant voter fraud and they're just literally fighting for these rights of these voters. And do not think that this sort of poison ground he has sown is gonna go away when he goes away in 10 or 15 days

when they finally vote him out in the electoral college. Because he can't do anything. It doesn't feel like at this point he could do anything to stop this. Every single lawsuit they throw at, I know they keep saying that they're throwing up these lawsuits to try to bring them up to the major courts because they get thrown out right

away. But if you're getting thrown out in lower courts, what makes you think that you somehow have something, a leg to stand on in a higher court? So it doesn't make a lot of sense, but you know, whatever. I'm not a law talking guy, so I don't know what their legal strategy is. I don't think they know what their legal strategy is, to be perfectly frank. They had this drunk lady talking this morning. Did you see the drunk lady? No. What? Now I gotta play it.

Hold on a second. Hold on. Was she really drunk? She sounded like it. The poll book is completely off. Completely off. Off by 30,000? I'd say that poll book is completely off. Completely off. Off by 30,000? I'd say that poll book is off by over 100,000.

That poll book? Why don't you look at the registered voters on there? How many registered voters are on there? Do you even know the answer to that? No, I guess I'm trying to get to the bottom of this here. Zero. Zero. There's zero. So my question then is if the –

Guess how many – wait. What about the turnout rate? 120%. Let's let Representative Johnson ask his question, please. So the poll book number – there's two things that could happen here. Either the poll book number – if ballots were called multiple times, there's two options. Option number one is that the poll book numbers are not going to match. They don't.

The actual. Not by thousands and thousands of votes. That's not what we see right now. You take a look again. Take a look again. Option number two is that they essentially were filling in names of people who didn't vote. Dead people, too? So is that your suggestion?

Let's let Representative Johnson ask his question, and then when he's done. I thought that was his answer. My question here is, we're not seeing the poll book off by 30,000 votes. That's not the case. What did you guys do? Take it and do something crazy to it? I'm just saying the numbers are not off by 30,000 votes. I know what I saw.

So are you saying that they're filling in? I know what I saw. And I signed something saying that if I'm wrong, I can go to prison. Did you? Okay. I'm just trying to ask you a legitimate question here. Yeah. Let's let Representative Johnson ask his question and then don't interrupt him.

And then if you want to respond to it, that's fine. Did you have more, Representative? I guess I just want to keep following back up with the poll book. So are we saying that the poll book is either wildly off or that they are filling in names? It's wildly off and

dead people voted and illegals voted. So that's my answer. This is the craziest thing I ever saw. Cecil, this is real? This is real. It's 100% real. This isn't a Saturday Night Live skit? Nope. 100% real. He's

flabbergasted. It's almost like the strategy, Cecil, is to put up somebody that is so inarticulately stupid that, that, that like people that are serious people don't even know you because it's actually stunning. It's like,

you don't have most of the time. Yeah. You have answers for, for, for reasonable questions and like legitimate concerns. And you're sitting trying to have a serious conversation, like in good faith with honest people. And if you just show up and he was like,

I just didn't see the same thing that you saw. So what are you going to do about that? And he was like, I don't even know how you- The very best comment I saw was that she's from the Long Island iced tea party. And I thought, that's fucking so good. It's so good. It's just,

it's just chef kiss. It's so fucking perfect because she seriously sounds like she's fucking white girl wasted. She doesn't sound, she doesn't sound, she either sounds like she's hopped up on medication

or she's literally wasted and she's talking to him and he keeps saying, look, either it's this and she's talking to him and he keeps saying look either it's this and what he's saying what he is saying which nobody seems to understand is that there is a poll book meaning that when people come in or they send their ballot in their signature is checked against that whole book and so they say oh you're tom billingsley great here we go tom billingsley blah blah. Here we go, Tom Billingsley. Blah, blah, blah. Here's your thing. I don't have to check an ID because in our state,

we don't have to check an ID. You just signed a paper. Looks like the thing. There you go. Here's your ballot. So long. Now, Tom Billingsley is checked off the list. There's no more votes that could come in for Tom Billingsley. So if Tom Billingsley sent five or six other fucking votes in by mail, they're not going to fucking count. And they'll probably go visit him and take him to jail because he committed a crime. And so they don't understand how this works. They think

that somehow, that the moment you walk into a fucking polling place, people just don't pretend. They don't ask you who you are. They just give you a ballot and say, well, that's it. And then you could literally just walk right around and come right back in and then they hand you a ballot again and then they don't check it

against anything. I'm Voting McVoterson here for the vote again. They don't. They fucking check it every single time with every single person, whether you're a mail-in ballot or whether you're a person who fucking sent it or, you know, absentee or whether you're a mail-in ballot or whether you're a person who fucking sent it or, you know, absentee

or whether you're a person who walks into the fucking polls. It's checked every single time. And there's a book that has all the names of all the people who are listed. And what she's saying is that the things are off.

And he's saying, well, the poll book doesn't show that it's off. And she's like, well, what did you do to it? No, that's not what I saw. So she doesn't fucking know what she's talking about. That's absolutely unreal.

Right? It's unreal. It's unreal. And the other thing that people are saying, and this is the same thing that's coming in. There's another story about Sidney Powell with her lawsuits, which was amazing. We talked about it on the stream, but the way she spells district, it's just so amazing that she misspelled it in the very

top part of this law brief type thing that they submit. I don't know what they call it, but they submit this thing to the court and Andrew Torres was on this live stream saying, you literally copy and paste that. So I don't know what happened, but district is spelled wrong and it's spelled two different ways in the

title of it. It's spelled two different ways incorrectly. But anyway, this woman submitted all this stuff. And one of the things that they're talking about, and that it keeps on coming up over and over and over again with the voter fraud stuff is that there were data dumps. They keep saying there's data dumps between these hours of blah, blah, blah that gave an immense amount of votes to Biden. It's a data dump. The data dump came in

and it came in in all these places where he was behind. One, they're not paying attention to all the other places on the map that probably had the exact same thing happen because they were counting, you know, they were counting mail-in ballots after the fact, but they just didn't matter because it didn't matter

because no one was paying attention to it, right? Because those states were already called. But the ones that weren't called, they're saying that in the overnight hours, there was an immense amount of votes that came in for Biden. And they're saying that statistically, it's impossible that Biden was getting 80 and 90% of the votes.

And I think the reason they're saying that is because they think they're so fucking stupid that they think voting is the same as random chance, right? Because they see after the way everything pans out that it's close to 50-50, right? So if you're looking at the big spread over everything and you see that Biden's getting 50.8% and Trump is getting 47%, you think it's a coin flip. You think every other ballot that comes in should be one or the other, right? But they're not paying i think that's what they think because you're not paying attention to the fact that the ballots that are coming in through mail-in are majority democrat because the democrats pushed

that as hard as they could the other thing that you're not paying attention to is that the ballots that are getting counted after the fact most of the time are from heavily urban areas that are already going to lead lean biden in in that already they're already gonna lean biden and so when they're counting stuff from those areas that happens to be overnight in those in those places it's not that it's a statistical anomaly that those things are happening it's just that that's how they called those races in four or five of those places because they saw and they said no the rest of these ballots are all anomaly that those things are happening. It's just that that's how they called those races in four or five of those places because they saw and they said, no, the rest of these ballots are all coming from Philadelphia. Fucking call Pennsylvania for fucking Biden already. You're not going to

make up the difference. In fact, he's going to lose by a lot. But they just seem to think that somehow somebody is going into these voting centers in the middle of the night and just going, Somebody is going into these voting centers in the middle of the night and just going, let me add 100,000 votes for Biden and no one will be the wiser. I just press the Biden cheat button on my computer door. Where are you getting these people? They also don't understand that like this is just how updating data works. Like, data is not updated in tiny, tiny piecemeal segments like one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one. Right. Like, the data is, like, fed into the machine.

Yes, you're always going to have data dumps. Like, the data dump is not how this doesn't work. It's, hey, we've got this batch of votes and we have counted and tabulated this batch of votes. Then they go in the machine and then the machine has had data dumped into the machine.

Right. Like they, I don't know if they think that they're like, like cutting, opening an envelope and looking at it and comparing the book and putting one in and be like one enter doing it again. Another one. And yeah, or they're screaming across the way. Another one in and be like, one, enter. Doing it again, another one, enter. Yeah, or they're screaming across the way,

another one for Biden. Right. Another one for Trump. Hold on, I got to do that. It's five, so you got to do the across ways scratch mark. If there is voter fraud, there should be evidence of voter fraud. The problem is that individual voter fraud

is so minuscule and so tiny, it doesn't affect the major races. You might be able to affect a small town's race. There's a possibility, right? I read a story about, I forget when it was, but it was a while back where one guy that worked in a nursing home went out of his way to collect a bunch of these people that either don't know what's happening around them or they're, you know, invalids or whatever. And he basically collected all their ballots and he sent them in and he committed voter fraud.

But the amount of votes that he was able to do this, even by orchestrating and figuring all this shit out, was only in, I think it was a couple hundred at most, at most, what is a couple hundred votes? Nothing. One-Z, two-Z across the United States do for you. Nothing. And that's the thing is, yeah, does voter fraud happen?

Very rarely, sure it happens. But to come out before it's even finished and claim massive voter fraud has happened in the United States because I'm losing, and then you sit back and say, well, we need to find out if voter fraud happened. No, you need to prove that voter fraud happened. That's how it works. You can't say it happened and then say,

okay, now let's find the evidence that it happened. Why did you think it happened without the evidence? The evidence is the reason you think things, but it's not. The whole point, I think, as soon as he realized, I think his strategy was cemented for Trump many, many months before the election took place. And I think the strategy for Trump was always to cast mass aspersions on the validity of the election itself so that he could make money with a pack. Yeah. I think the money grab was six months ago. Yeah. The writing on, I think, I think a guy like Trump is like, look, win or lose, I'm going to win. Yep. And the way I'm going to win is if I lose the election, I'm going to claim the election was false, claim it was rigged and get the good

will of people, you know, because like, if I thought the fucking election was rigged, I would want that fixed. I would want, I want my democracy to work. He's actually, one of the things that's so horrible about this is that in the process of breaking our democracy, he is preying on people's desire for democracy to be upheld. The people who are donating, they believe in their heart because their brains are dumb, but they believe in their fucking heart that the election was rigged and they want to see our democracy continue.

And so you have a man using the desire of the people to continue democracy. And in that process, he is crushing faith in the process itself for personal enrichment. And I think that was his plan seven, eight, nine months ago

when the polls were shit for him. And as the polls have been shit the whole time, it's like, all right, how do I make money off it? If I win, I win. But if I lose, how do I profit?

And this has always been the goal. We can't pass this up without talking about the tiny desk moment that happened last week because we missed it on last week's show. But the tiny desk thing is genuinely so, I mean,

it's Four Seasons Total Landscaping. It's a drunk lady commenting at your fucking, at your court case and wherever the fuck. And it is fucking the tiny desk. The tiny desk, Tom. It's such a

beautiful, just such a, I mean, it really is like one of those masterpiece moments where Trump's, his fucking legs are up around his knees and he's looking out and he's wagging his finger saying, don't you talk to me. You don't talk to the president of the United States. And he looks so ridiculous. It is

just fucking so delicious. It's I, you cannot for these last few weeks, I realized that democracy is, is right now on a precipice and there's some scary shit going on, especially where they keep on pushing for this and Flynn this week called for martial law and it's just not real good stuff. But some of the comedy that's come out of this without any writing, without any writing,

there's been no tweaking. It's been so good. This is, I mean, there is a moment where he's got a, I mean, he's sitting at a kiddie table. Yeah. Like he's sitting at the kid's table. Absolutely.

With a presidential seal like glued onto the side of a folding card table. That's what it looks like. That's what it does look like. He looks so silly. He's this huge fucking fat orange fuck sitting at a half a card table. It's outstanding. And you know he had to have seen that and he had to walk out and been like, oh, motherfuckers, who brought the little

God damn it. Whoever it was. Guys, there's time to get a real desk. No, there's no time to get a real desk. One of them got fired. He probably fired somebody. Did you see the 60 Minutes interview with the guy who was the election security official that he fired? No. So the 60 Minutes interview with the guy who was the election security official that he fired? No.

So the 60 Minutes did an interview. Trump hired a Republican election security advisor to handle all the security around the last election. And they've been working with all the different security agencies for the last, as long as he's been working, right? To try to make sure that there is no interference whatsoever and that the election was secure. And Trump, the whole time calling fraud is basically saying this guy didn't do his job. And so a couple of days after the election, he came out as an official and said, this was the most secure election we've ever had in the history of the United States. And they fired him. They literally fired him via tweet

within hours afterwards. And he did a 60 Minutes interview where he essentially said, look, we knew that there was going to be some problems. We saw what was happening in 2016. We saw that they were breaking into all these different places that were power plants and whatnot. There was hackers doing that stuff. We were worried about unsecure elections. He said this election, 95% paper. He said there's 95% paper trail for the whole election. It's just an immense paper trail that they didn't have in the last election. It was only like an 82 or 83% paper trail. So they upped the paper trail

on all of this stuff. All the Dominion stuff that's coming out where they're saying that it's fucking Hugo Chavez was fucking Frankenstein or something. That Dominion stuff is amazing. It's amazing. That Dominion is so good.

We'll see. I'm just waiting. I'm counting the days until we can fucking just do the electoral college thing and then forget about this. Because we're at a point now where it's just so pathetic and so sad that none of the fucking Republicans, I mean, a couple, but none of the Republicans have enough balls to stand up to Trump. And it's pathetic. Well, you know, it's interesting, though, that, like, I think yesterday or today, Attorney General Barr came out and said, there's no election fraud. Yeah. Like when, when, when fucking Attorney General Barr, who is, he has had his fucking, fucking mouth around the dick of fucking Trump since the very beginning, since he was first

appointed AG. I mean, nobody has been more of a bully and sycophant for this president than AG Barr. And he came out and said, no, there's no evidence of election fraud. And anybody with a goddamn sense in their head that is got to recognize that anything other than, it's just motivated thinking, right? It's motivated reasoning.

You're starting at your conclusion and now we're desperately searching for evidence. 100%. It's all backwards. It's all backwards. This is not how thinking is supposed to work. It's not how conclusions are supposed to be drawn. Ho, ho, ho.

Merry Sexmas, everybody. You know, with Adam and Eve, this is the perfect time to get gifts for him, her, they, or them. So we... Ian. Yeah? This is Gary Fandango. Can you hear me? It's not Gary Fandango.

Gary... I'm in the middle of an ad read. Can we do this later? What do you want? Well, why didn't you invite me? No, people are getting a little tired of this whole banter back and forth, okay? Let me just do my ad. No, I just wanted to wish people a happy holiday.

Oh, that's nice. Wait, how are you spelling that? Well, H-O-L-E-Y. Oh, come on. Well, I ain't a Mary Fox Smith. That's, I mean, you could at least do X-X-X-mas. That's not funny, though. I gotta get back to the ad.

Stop messing around. Ho, ho, ho, are you feeling like a ho, ho, ho this holiday season? Oh, come on. A ho, ho, ho pun? It's not a pun. It's a double entendre. It's bullshit is what it is. Like you could do better. I can, and because I'm Santa's little helper, I will. You're so fast.

No matter if you've been naughty or nice, you can still go to adamandeve.com right now. Use the offer code GLORY at checkout. Get 50% off almost any one item and free shipping delivered discreetly to your door. This is good, actually. Give me some taglines of Santa. And free shipping. Adam and Eve has thousands of products to make your holidays bright. Stuff that's talking tonight.

I know I'm excited for the rock hard Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer G-string. I'm going to guide your way tonight. Nice. To orgasm. That was implied. And just because you can't visit the family doesn't mean you can't visit the family jewels. Yikes. And you might not stand under the mistletoe, but you certainly could kiss the mistletoe below. Okay, better.

And just because there's no sticky pudding doesn't mean there's no sticky pudding. Okay, worse again, and Santa wouldn't say this. Yeah, well, so go to adamandeve.com and use code GLORY right away. You know, Ian, some people call me the Ilf in the milk. Gary, nobody calls you that. That's ridiculous. Yeah, well, how are jelly and jam related?

Not interested, thank you. Well, you're going to be real jelly when I jam this butt plug up my ass. No! I did it. What? I did them all. I did all the poops. Really? Yeah, I did every one of them.

I even did one while she was wrapping up right here. Oh, dude. Why would you do that, dude? Because poop is funny. I guess poop is funny. Poop is funny. Oh, poop on the floor? It is funny.

You know what? Well played, my man. Yeah. So this story comes from Metro Weekly. Anti-LGBTQ school board member ends career on bum note. Frances Kajija resigned after forcing 150 people to watch her use the toilet during a Zoom meeting. Aw, come on. This could not get any better. So this fucking monstrous human being who previously called LGBTQ people repugnant,

said she was disgusted and appalled by LGBTQ-inclusive curriculums in schools. Yeah, she was on a Zoom call. And in the middle of the Zoom call, she took her laptop to the shitter. And in front of 150 people, relieved herself. Did she deuce it up? Did they say? It doesn't say whether she dropped a deuce. It doesn't. Did she deuce it up? Did they say? It doesn't say whether she dropped the deuce. It doesn't say if she deuced it up?

It does not. It does not. I really, really, really hope that that's what it was. Have you ever been in a bathroom that has really good acoustics where the reverberation is just really good? You're in the bathroom and you think, man, I could drop some beats in here. This is good.

This is a good sound. I'm getting a good sound out of this thing. I actually want to renovate my bathroom to maximize that. A series of Blue Man Group style tubes that just get different notes going. That would be amazing. Yeah. You know what you got to do is you got to build your, you got to build your bathroom like the inside

of those clip speakers. So it makes this like a 32, 32 foot long tube or whatever. It's like a fucking pipe organ in my toilet. It's like the fucking Phantom of the Opera

every time you walk in there you wake up after a night of drinking you're just like oh it is time for a symphony start my zoom meeting here we go don't take a shit on zoom like just don't take a shit on genuinely. Like, just don't take a shit on Zoom. Genuinely, I, when you're in your, do you do Zoom calls a lot or no? Yeah, we call, we use Microsoft Teams, but yeah, same difference. So you use it, do you shut your camera off or keep it on? Keep it on. You keep it on all the time?

It's expected to keep it on, yeah. Yeah, so you don't ever shut your camera off? No, not really. It's like kind of a social expectation with our company that we have our cameras on. Oh, okay. So nobody turns their cameras off. There's only, we, I only have one meeting a week where one of the, it's a standing meeting and one of the participants never has her camera on. She just refuses to use her camera. Um, and it's not to her benefit. Like it's like, she gets less talk time because she's the only one like everybody else,

like you can lean in, you can get attention, raise your hand a little bit, hold your finger up. It's not, it's not a good thing. So culturally we've developed an expectation that your, that your camera's always on. Wow. Yeah. Conference calls are different. My job is not like that. So I don't have a lot of one-to-one FaceTime with people, but anything with that, it's always camera on. But if it's not one-to-one and it's these group meetings that have 20 or 30 people in there, your mic is expected to be off in all of those meetings

until you're called on because people will just have their fucking stupid baby screaming in the fucking microphone for no reason for fucking 20 minutes straight they'll just be they'll be fucking screaming into the microphone and you think i'm not a fucking parent for a reason i don't want to hear kids fucking scream what the fuck is wrong with you and the baby will just be like fucking biting the microphone or fighting the dog or whatever the Why wouldn't you know to turn your fucking mic off? That's the thing I don't understand. It's amazing.

You have to tell people out loud, hey, so-and-so, can you show, or they'll get, sometimes they're like oldie McOlderson. So they'll get the echo where they're listening in a room that is then repeating it back to the other thing. And then you'll just hear a wub,

wub, wub, wub, wub, but it just starts freaking out and feedbacking. So it's hilarious to see those people, but it's not expected in my company on those to always have your camera on

sort of only when things are sort of happening that need visual cues. But I shut my camera off on occasion on those calls and I'll just get up and go to the bathroom. Yeah, I'll get a drink. I'll do that all the time because some of the calls and some of the meetings,

I know you have to deal with this. And I'm sure a bunch of people who listen have to deal with this, where it's just a fucking, this could have been a fucking email meeting or this could have been an email group gathering. And it's not. And you're all just sitting there wondering when you can fucking leave as soon as possible.

And so the constantly I'm always just, yeah, I'm not going to talk. Nobody's going to talk to me. Nobody's going to hear me. I just set it down and walk away for a while. Yeah. See, we have big conference calls like that. So we haven't changed. Like, like if it was a 20, 30, 40 people or more, and it's more of somebody's presenting and you're listening, we don't do those as Zoom. We just keep those as conference calls. Like we did pre-pandemic. Ah, smart. So, cause there, there was never a need for a video element for that. And that same thing, like you get on and the, the, the organizer mutes everybody automatically. They just mute everybody and they present and then you're done. And then the rest of the time, we only have small, like six, seven people meetings. Yeah, yeah.

Any in-person meeting is always, you know, it's expected. But I have gone to the bathroom, but I just don't take my computer with me. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like you don't have to try. I was on, the other day, I was on like a webinar and it was like a four-hour webinar and I needed to stay on this webinar.

And so like, I just was like, fucking, I can listen to this thing in the shower. It's fine. I brought that fucking computer into the shower, but the camera was not on. It was a webinar feeding me. So I'm walking around the house, like I'm taking a shower.

I'm like brushing my teeth. I'm like going about my day, just walking around with a fucking laptop in my hand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because who cares? But if I had any, like if there was a 1% chance that I could be broadcasting accidentally, my pants stay the fuck on. 100%. 100%.

Nobody needs to see that. No guarantee on my shirt, but my pants are up. Oh, hi. That wasn't expecting to see you all undulating up here. I just put my jacket on the bed when I first came to the party, but I didn't realize that the party made its way up here, but I'll get that now, I will. Okay, hey, sir, I think I see my jacket.

I think your arm is in the sleeve, actually. I'll grab, that's not my jacket, and that's not your arm. It's not your arm. White people are crazy. White people are crazy. This story and the next story are the two craziest stories that have come out. I don't want to say this year,

because that would be saying something in 2020, but holy shit, this comes to business insider and anti-gay Hungarian politician has resigned after being caught by the police, fleeing a 25 man orgy through a window. Do you think that they were wearing masks and social distancing at the orgy, Tom? And I love everything about this and I promise I'll read it, but I do want to be a little bit of that guy and say the headline kind of makes it sound like he was fleeing the orgy. Like it sounds like he was fleeing the orgy. Whoa, holy shit, an orgy. He walked in expecting a buffet. He's just like, holy shit!

What is happening in here? I thought Sausage Fest meant something different. You don't put mashed potatoes there. Shame on you! Shame on you! There's a lot more schnitzel out here than I expected to see. That over there is definitely Weisswurst.

Definitely Weisswurst. I'm going to read this. So a member of the European Parliament representing Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orban's Fidesz party has resigned. Crushed it. Nailed it. Has resigned from his position in Brussels after he was caught leaving

what reports describe as a 25-man orgy. Hey, man. That is so much good for you. Good for you. That is so much good for you. Wow. I mean, it's bad because you're an asshole

about your own sexuality, but it's, you know, good for you. Hey, fucking, if you want it, man, get it. Yeah. Get it, get it, get it, get it. The problem is that he's a fucking, he's anti-gay. Openly anti-gay. That's the worst part about this is because he's closeted and

shitty about it. Right, right. He's not even just gay. He's like, yeah, I'm going to have sex with a man and then 24 of his closest friends. It's a tag team match. It's the Royal Rumble, Tom. This guy resigned after we admitted to...

Royal Cumble. WWE whack down. This is the dick joke portion of the show, gentlemen. Ladies and gentlemen, here we go. Joseph Chazier resigned on Sunday after he admitted to breaching Belgium's strict lockdown rules

to attend a sex party. The police found 25 naked men at the party. How many naked women? Zero or less. They didn't list that. They didn't list that. It would be hilarious though

if there were naked women there and they just didn't mention that. Just to fuck with this guy. Man, this is breaking lockdown in the big, this is like. It really is. This is, this is exploding lockdown. That's what it is.

This is just. It's a cocktail. He's is just edging the whole lockdown. And he's finally like, look, I got to get out. And I haven't been out in nine months and I'm just going to go straight to 25 due to orgy. That's what I'm going to do. Maybe,

maybe he didn't even want to go there. He just needed to get out of the house. It was the only invitation. Man, all my friends are being responsible. The only, let's see, they don't want to get together. The only thing I've got on Sunday. Yeah. 25 guy orgy. Sounds good. Because you know, Tom, when this ends, you will sit down and eat at Sonic and you would never do that before. You would never go there. But if there's an opportunity in the future, you'll be like, fucking Sonic is the manna from heaven. Are you kidding me? This is Ambrosia.

I want to sit here and just drink all your weird colored drinks all day. We have reached that point where it's like, I would sit at a Sonic. Like, I really would. I would sit at a Hardee's right now. If somebody was like, it's totally safe. You want to just sit at a Sonic. Like, I really would. I would sit at a Hardee's right now. If somebody was like,

you want to just, it's totally safe. You want to just sit at a Hardee's? I'd be like, yes. I would like to spend my whole day at Hardee's. Yeah, I will spend my entire day there. Now, Arby's is a step too far, but Hardee's I'll do.

Let's not get crazy. What are we going to do? After the curly fries are gone, there's nothing left. Yeah, let's not do this. The newspaper quoted a local police source as saying we interrupted a gangbang i thought that has to be fucking awkward you ever walk into like you open the door and you walk in on somebody in the bathroom taking a shit and you feel just like oh fuck i just saw this yeah right oh you open the

door on 25 dude gangbang you're like, I really should not have opened that door. I really feel very, very awkward. Very awkward. And I love that he jumped out the window. Yeah. He jumped out the fucking window. Jump out the window. Jesus Christ.

Jump out the window. My favorite part of this whole thing is it said the man was unable to produce any identity or documents and he was naked. Where was he going to produce them? Because that seems like a trick worthy of. I don't even know. Like an Eli Bosnick, you know, this had to be the worst day. It's such a bad day. you know this had to be the worst day it's such a bad day oh fuck that guy i'm like getting the feeling of coming in the gym i'm getting the feeling of

coming at home i'm getting the feeling of coming backstage when i pump up when i pose out in front of 5 000 people i get the same feeling so i'm coming day and night i mean it's terrific right so you know i'm in heaven this story comes from the new york post and i gotta read the whole thing I get the same feeling. So I'm coming day and night. I mean, it's terrific, right? So, you know, I'm in heaven. This story comes from the New York Post, and I got to read the whole thing. Kazakhstani bodybuilder marries sex doll after whirlwind romance. I read that. I thought, okay.

All right. But, I mean, do you really have to whine and dine a sex doll all that much you know like how much how much work do you have to put into the wooing process of a sex doll i mean i guess she doesn't have other plans she's it feels like it feels like a blank canvas you know what i mean like you can sort of put whatever you want. I mean, can you imagine feeling nervous that she's going to say no? You're like, all right, the less sex doll. Left. That was weird.

I didn't even think they could, but she just left. She just came home. She was like packed her shit and just left. When they say it's a whirlwind, did he pop it and it flew around the room? Is that the whirlwind? Oh, man, it happens every time.

I got to catch him off. Yeah, you got to stop this. Proving that love is blind and sometimes kooky, a bodybuilder from Kazakhstan is tied the knot with his dearly beloved, a sex doll he dated for eight months before proposing a year ago. Okay. Clad in a black tux and bow tie, Yuri Tala... Crushed it.

Was seen planting a gentle kiss on Margot, who appears a bit stiff in her revealing white gown. She's a bit stiff because she's made out of plastic. That's why she's not nervous. She's not like, ooh, I've got the flutters she's not a real thing that's a that's a toy you're marrying a toy he's marrying a fleshlight a fleshlight with a body attached to it so you know that's you don't have to marry that here's the thing man i don't care you want to fuck a doll you want to fuck a doll? You want to fuck a flashlight?

You want to fuck the fucking space in between the cushions on your couch? Fuck whatever you want that is consenting. And inanimate objects are fucking free game, right? As long as they don't belong to somebody else. That's a little weird to fuck somebody else's flashlight without their permission. I tend to think you need some permission in there. There needs to be some consent. That's a weird violation, right? Yeah, there need some permission in there. There needs to be some consent. That's a weird violation. Or somebody else's couch.

Anything you technically own, you go ahead. Anything that is sentient, you got to get permission. You know what I mean? I get you got to get, but go do what you want to do. And hell, if you want to do it fun

and with a lot of lube, go to adamandeve.com. All you got to do is type in Gloria Checkout. You'll get 50% off almost any item and free shipping. Gloria Checkout will get you a brand new something. And it's exciting and it's awesome. But you don't have to marry it. Like, you know, you don't have to do that.

Yeah. The thing is, like, you don't have to pretend it loves you. Right. Because it doesn't love you. That's a plastic thing. Is this guy just trolling people, you. Right. Because it doesn't love you. That's a plastic thing. Is this guy just trolling people though? Right.

I think it is. This guy's just trolling people. I think it is. Like he posts on like Instagram and shit. Yeah. Pictures of himself cuddling this toy

with hashtags like ideal relationship and true love. That's all trolling, man. And happy wife, happy life. Happy wife, happy life is amazing. She's happy because her face is posed like that.

It's never going to change. That's it. Some of his quotes are amazing. Couples need to talk less and connect more. With time and experience, Margo and I realized that it takes more than words to have a conversation. Your partner sure does deserve the best, but they have to do their part too. She can't do

stuff. She lays there and you fuck it because it's a plastic toy. The second picture in here where he's on what looks like a ferry or something, taking it on a trip and it's got a shirt on, but the nipples are clearly poking through the shirt.

And it's sitting and there's people behind. And you know those people don't want to look. They don't want to look over their shoulder, but they kind of do want to look over their shoulder. They kind of do want to look at it. How strange is it? How strange would it be to be on that boat? And how would you not?

Could you not say something? You have to say something. Well, you can't say anything because the guy's enormous. The best part would be if you just walked up and ignored the guy and struck up a conversation

with the dog. Just play it. Just lean into it, you know? Just lean into it. You know, just touch her mouth and be like, come here often. lean into it. You know,

just touch her mouth and be like, come here often. Oh, man. Well, good for him. You know, he finally found love. Dude, there's a thing though.

Like, I don't believe it because you look at this guy and he's not an ugly guy. He's a handsome guy. Fucking completely ripped. Right. Dude.

What? 5% body fat on the there's it's just he's doing it for for the lulz that's all he's doing it for yeah i hope so because otherwise it's a scary commentary on like society like it's like where we're going yeah right it's just like because he says some weird shit in there at the end about like, you know, he's into like BDSM and like she can take more pain than like a real natural woman could ever endure. And you're just like, okay. Well, actually that's good then. If you don't, if you can't find consenting partners for your BDSM and you have to beat the shit out of a rubber doll, more power to you. Just stick with the rubber doll then. Yeah. Also, maybe you should examine why you need to hurt things. Yeah, absolutely.

That's a little aggressive when you're like, humans can't tolerate this. Right. But if the safety valve is the doll, good on you, fella. Yeah, you know. I don't shoot at airline. Alien aircraft. You only shoot at alien aircraft. What I think is alien aircraft.

ET stuff. Uh-huh. And how would you distinguish that from regular aircraft? It's got aliens in it. All right, so the monolith in Utah, some people came and fucked it up. They just took it out. Four dudes were just like, you know what? Too many yahoos are showing up and trampling nature. And so they rolled out one day, and they just knocked that fucker over,

and they ripped it apart, and it was made of plywood. And they just threw it in the back of their truck. What is it just out with it? Was it just a stainless steel or whatever on it or something? Yeah, it was just, yep. Yeah. So it's plywood on the inside and they just, they took it out of there and they just, boom, it's gone. It's, it's out. But that's not the end of the story. Not by a fucking long shot because now monoliths have begun appearing all over the place. The one in Utah is gone. Fine.

It didn't vanish. Some fucking guys took it out of there because they were tired of knuckleheads chewing up nature. But now there's another one in Romania. A mysterious metal monolith, this is from Daily Mail, has appeared in northern Romania after another vanished from the desert. Did it vanish? The shiny triangular pillar was found on Bacchus Domine Hill in the city of Piatra Niempt last Thursday.

It's a 13-foot-tall structure, faces Mount, I don't know, Cthulhu, known locally as the Holy Mountain. I have no idea how that thing is pronounced. So we've got this Romanian one that is clearly something fabricated in some guy's garage. You can see all the, like, you can just see all the, like,

what's the tool? Like a burnisher or something, or it's like a polisher of some kind, or a sander. Yeah, yeah, right. So it's not even like a good monolith. Like, as monoliths go. It looks like somebody spelled E all over the whole thing. So maybe that's what the

aliens are trying to tell us. E! Cursive E's all the way down. Great. So now we got one in Romania. We're missing one in Utah. That one's gone now. But there's also a

missing giant dick sculpture from the German countryside. There was a seven foot dick. So, what you doing with that? You know? So here's the seven foot giant wooden phallus

on a mountainside in Germany. Tell me you wouldn't lay down in a perspective way to get that photo. Tell me you wouldn't do it. Tell me you fucking liar. Tell me you wouldn't do it. You liar. I would 100% be like, hey, yeah, I'm going to send you a dick pic. I went when I went to the,

to the leaning tower of Pisa, there was all those people. Every single person was doing the hold up the thing. Right. So you could just see, but I guarantee if I was next to this thing, I would do the forced perspective to make it look like I had a huge schlong pop.

And I would do it in a second. Are you kidding me? I hire a series of actors to help me with that already. So like, this is just. Yeah, but they're popping up all over, especially this wooden sculpture didn't pop up. It disappeared, which is odd for a phallus. It normally, I guess it must be cold there.

That's why it disappeared. It just went swimming. It rained and just shrunk. Oh, it's a phallus. It normally, I guess it must be cold there. That's why it disappeared. It just went swimming. It rained and just shrunk. Oh, it's a little mushroom now. Yeah, it was a little cold there. So, but yeah. The one thing from the dick story I just want to mention is

lore has it that it was made as a prank birthday present for a young man whose family did not appreciate it. So the 440 pound sculptor was hauled up a mountain and left there. That seems like a weird thing to do to like, like you give somebody a gag gift and it's like, great. Now I have to move this 400 pound chunk of wood up a mountain.

And this story from Vice, I read this twice because it didn't even seem real. Mysterious monolith update. Racist. Destroy California monolith. Right. Proclaim Christ superior to space aliens. And you can see the best part about this is if you look at this monolith that's on the ground, someone put a little rebar in there to hold it up. But it's a fucking piece of trash.

I mean, it's essentially garbage. It's just somebody who's like trying to get in on the monolith. Yeah. Like, it's basically like it's the welder's version of planking right now. That's it. It's just like, I want to do it. I want to get my fucking monolith, you know, a few minutes of fame. So they put this monolith up and these fucking knuckleheads,

three fucking knuckleheads, three fucking knuckleheads, live stream. And see, this is why I'm so glad that as a young person, there was no such thing as live streaming or cell phones, because I wonder if I wouldn't have done stupid shit and filmed it. I'm thankfully not and never was a racist. But these fucking three idiots are pushing this thing over and chanting America first and Christ is king. Good Lord. The men, one of whom was wearing a MAGA hat, a headband. Nice. Called part of the monolith's construction gay.

What? How can you build, how could part of the structure of a monolith be gay? What? They replaced the monolith with a wooden cross. Yeah. So there's that and then they said christ is king in this country we don't want illegal aliens from mexico or outer space this is so tragically build a space wall i would say that i would say that these people are trolling but i genuinely think they're that stupid.

Yeah. And they have this whole thing on video. They videotaped this thing for hours. So then they break this monolith and the whole time they're talking all this like crazy racist white power, nutty bullshit. And they're hauling this thing down.

Then they hear somebody chasing them. Then they get all scared. They got all scared. They're just like three fucking pussies so they just like shut off all their lights and hide and you can hear them

being like I'm scared do they have dogs are they going to find us then they're like maybe we can blame it on somebody else and they're like and when they don't

get caught they all get tough guy again well then they start talking about this might be Antifa Antifa isn't one to underestimate yeah Antifa follows you around right be Antifa. Antifa isn't one to underestimate. You know what I'm talking about?

Yeah, Antifa follows you around. Right, yeah. Antifa knew that you were going to take down the monolith of California. Good lord. Are you kidding me? This is where we're at right now. I don't want to be here though. Five hours they drove to get to the statue's site. They streamed most of the

time. One of the guys in the video is wearing military fatigues and camo face paint, and he's vaping in the truck while saying things like, I will fuck you to death if you don't sing. Then all of his buddies sing the Battle Hymn of the Republic and a bunch of other military

shit. Battle Hymn of the Republic? That shit is turnt up if you get on that. Start singing that as a group. Turnt up, baby. You're such a pig. Man, I am so sorry. You know, I had beans and broccoli for dinner and I washed them down with some crab cakes.

Oh! Goodness! I am so sorry. Would you like to spoon me? Because I feel like I'm past the worst of it. And I need some cuddle time. Oh, goodness. I'm so sorry. Would you like to spoon me? Because I feel like I'm past the worst of it. And I need some cuddle time. Oh, wait. No, I was wrong.

Incoming. Oh, my goodness. We're keeping the neighbors up, huh? Feet are on fire. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Oh, man. I've got skills. Okay.

You guys heard about Rudy's fart, though, right? Everybody's typing that in the chat. But I know there's a clip of him talking about... This is the greatest. Have you seen it? No, but I'm just so happy because these clowns can't get... Is he farting on camera now yeah so so i gotta pause it it's 10 seconds it's 10 seconds it's only 10 seconds long i'll play it

give me a second i've gotta i've gotta do the whole dilly so give me a sec so uh share screen tab i gotta share with audio So here's the thing. Just listen to it, Tom, and tell me if you can hear it. All right. Okay? Yep. It's going to take a second because StreamYard now, I guess after a while, StreamYard is suddenly your IBM PC from 1999.

At a certain point, it just reverts itself back. It doesn't work anymore. I could have sworn I just shared it, and it still hasn't popped up. So nice. You're just impatient, Cecil. This is like trying to download. It should just fucking work, Tom. Here's the thing, man.

His glasses are off. He's mad. How much do you pay? How much do you pay a month for Netflix? $16 or $17. $15, $17, $20? Every single time I turn on Netflix, that motherfucking thing plays at

4K every single time. Never an interruption. I never have to worry about it. Even Hulu sucks in comparison, which sometimes will get garbled and I gotta bounce out of it and come back in. I never have to worry. It's perfect every time. We're paying like $35 a month for this fucking service

But it still isn't even in the show. I did it five fucking minutes ago Sable it didn't even work. How is that even possible? This is amazing. This is my favorite thing right now. Fuck you It's like Comcast the same thing how much do you got to pay you so you could fuck me? How much money is that? How much money does it cost me every fucking week so you could fuck me? If I wanted to pay somebody to fuck me, I should pay them a lot better so I could actually get off. That's the fucking real thing about it. Fuck you.

Bullshit. It just now is coming up. It's fucking bullshit. I can't even click on comments. That's how fucked your back end is. Bullshit. It just now is coming up. It's fucking bullshit. I can't even click on comments. That's how fucked your back end is. And I wish, look, I would pay to get my back end fucked. I would pay the money for that. Fuckers.

And if you want your back end fucked, head over to adamandeve.com. Enter Gloria Checkout and get 50% off. Oh, no, no, no, don't go to me. What happened to Cecil? Did we lose Cecil entirely? He was trying to share something. Not only did he not share it, he's gone entirely.

I love this thing so much. I love this fucking live stream shit so much, Ian. Yeah, we know we lost Cecil. It's just fucking me talking to myself. Because this fucking thing doesn't work.

Hey, Ian. How you doing, buddy? Okay. Okay. There is an asshole. There is an asshole at StreamYard. Fuck you, motherfucker. StreamYard cocksucker.

Go fuck yourself. You picked me up. You know who you are. You know who you are. You're fucking watching the stream right now and you're thinking, ah, I'm going to kick that fuck. Fuck you, asshole. I pay you money.

Stop it. All right, let's try it again. I had to fucking refresh. It fucking kicked me off. Oh my god. God, what a piece of shit. I'm so mad. God, I'm so mad about it, Tom. I'm just so mad about it all. We've spent so much money.

I'm spending so much money. And the other fucking thing, too, is we're fucking nine months into this pandemic. You can't get this to work yet? You're still on beta? What the fuck, man? You haven't tested it since now? What the fuck is wrong with you? Jesus Christ.

Get your shit together, man. I'm so happy. Fuckers. Okay, here we go. This is, okay Tom, tell me if you hear it though, okay? Alright. So you gotta tell me if you hear it. The answer. Do you have a point of order? The answer that I gave you is they didn't bother to interview a single

witness. Just like you. They don't want to know the truth. She looked over at him like- That's the- That's the tell! Right, you know it happened cause she looked over at him. Play it's the tell, right? You know it happened because she looked over at him. Play it again. I want to see the... Yeah.

The answer that I gave you is they didn't bother to interview a single witness. This is a literal shit show. It's a literal shit show, Cecil. Oh, Rudy Giuliani, you have my heart. You have my heart. You have my heart. Crappiest attorney ever. He's got a mug that says

world's crappiest attorney ever. He totally did pause. Let's listen. He stops. He knows it's coming, and he's trying to clinch up, and he can't stop it. Here we go. Gave you, as they didn't bother to interview a single witness. Just like you, they don't want to know the truth. Well, you probably know the truth.

Do you remember the one? Oh, it's amazing. There's that fucking family guy where he's coughing and farting at the same time. He just keeps going. And it just keeps happening for a minute and a half. He's just farting and pretending to cough over it. That's exactly what that is. It's fucking Rudy Giuliani.

Rudy Giuliani at the fucking desk fucking shitting his pants. This is outstanding. Fuck you. Fuck you. Everything that happens with you guys is my fucking favorite thing I've ever heard. It's so good, dude. I love the end of this administration so much like if the stakes weren't so high this would be the greatest thing

it's genuinely been this okay you start out you start out with a high bar tom high bar at four seasons total landscaping high fucking bar and then you go from there and now you're fucking then you have the dish dropped court with the fucking extra O in there or whatever. Oh, it's been, and then the fucking crazy rant where he's bleeding fucking hair dye down his face. And now he's shitting his pants on live television. There's no better end to this. this so i want to thank our patrons of course we want to thank all our patrons we want to thank specifically our newest patrons michelle robert mark kristin laura andre kathy john nicholas zero serenity mr tinkerbell the John, Micah and Bossasaur

also want to thank our patrons at Up There Pledges Nicholas thank you so much for your generous donations folks we really do appreciate you I want to tell you right now that Tom and I would not have been able to donate $5,000 to that to that race if we didn't have patrons who helped out

so we initially Tom and I had initially been approached by someone, Fred from Colorado, who said, whatever you guys put in, I will put in. So he said, he reached out to us. And so Tom and I talked about it and we had planned to, between the three of us, make a $5,000 donation.

And Tom and I talked about it after the fact, we wound up saying, you know what, why don't we just drop a $5,000 donation. And Tom and I talked about it after the fact, we wound up saying, you know what, why don't we just drop a $5,000 in there anyway? And so we just dropped in five this last week and we want, we're happy to do it because it's such an important race. And we're so, we just so, we just so want to see both of those seats go to, to, to Democrats. We just, it's, it's, and it's so important for so many different things that we're happy to do it, but there's no way that we could do that

without the patronage that we get. So we encourage you, if you want to be a patron, you can go to dissonancepod.com and look in, there's a link there. You can go to patreon.com slash dissonancepod and you can become a patron on a per episode basis.

And sometimes your money goes to a good cause. And the rest of the time it pays. You know, I think it all goes to a good cause. I mean, you know, we got to pay for our internet, our rent, our, you know, our parking, our lights, everything that we've got to pay for it. There's a lot of costs associated with this show. It's not free. It's not free to do, that's for sure. No. A lot of the money goes to paying the costs. And once in a while, we can do things like we did,

which is donate to a good cause. We got a message, Tom, and this is all over the place. And I'm going to post it on this week's show notes. It's the Kenneth Copeland metal remix where Kenneth Copeland is trying to tell COVID-19 to go lay down or whatever. And it's the guitar thing behind him. Someone's wailing on the X. I don't usually like these things, but this one is so good.

This one is genuinely so good. Yeah. Yeah. It's really, really great. So we'll put it on this week's show notes. So check it out. And yeah, it's one that's been making the rounds. But if you missed it, this week's show notes. So check it out. And yeah, it's just one that's been making the rounds, but if you missed it,

you're going to want to see it. Want to put a correction out there. Milo sent in a message, and I do like how, I have to say, very happy with how he frames this correction. He says, I sort of feel like a true crime aficionado who says, well, actually

it was grape flavor aid, not Kool-Aid, which I love because that's what it is. He's basically correcting us on the difference between a squib load and a hang fire. And we talked about a hang fire last time when the guy blew his cap off,

not a squib load. A squib load is when the bullet shoots out but doesn't have enough pressure to get out of the barrel, and then you can blow up the gun by shooting again if you think that it was a misfire. A hang fire is when the primer lights it, but it just takes

a while for it to shoot out. So thank you for the correction. I appreciate it. Well, actually. So I just want to say that. Well, actually. Get well, actually a lot. You know, you just get well, actually. So I just want to say that. Well actually. Get well actually'd a lot. You know, you just get well actually'd. I get well actually'd all the time.

You just get well actually'd a lot. Yep. Yep. Got a message. It's actually a video from Dean. And Dean sent in a video and he said, I just want, I'm a baker. I'm in Japan.

I just wanted to show you this. I'm working with this mixing bowl and he puts it on the scale and the scale comes back exactly 666 grams. I think the bowl was, it was perfect 666. That is the best bowl in the kitchen. We got an image

and I hope Ian, sometimes Ian doesn't listen to this segment, which is hilarious because I always say, I always say things like, oh, we'll include it in the show notes. And then Ian never listens to this portion. Never includes it in the show notes. And so he just sometimes I'll include it in the show notes. And then Ian never listens to this portion. Never includes it in the show notes.

And so he just sometimes won't include it in the show notes just because. But there is a Reddit link that someone sent us on Patreon that has this COVID beard mask and it looks like a medieval shield. And it's fucking amazing, Tom. It is. It looks like the only beard mask I've, I've tried.

I've probably tried Cecil six, seven different brands for beard masks. And I haven't found one that I really like yet. Yeah. Like I've tried Gators and Matt, this one looks perfect. It literally looks like a perfect mask. And if somebody tries to stab you in the face, all you have to do is turn your head just a little bit to block. It's perfect. I got to say though, it reminds me of years ago, you got a circle and I, I don't know, maybe it was you or circle got them. I don't remember, but we had those, those hats with the beard that was macrame made on. Those are awesome. Those are so amazing. It's a

hat that has a beard attached to it. And it's so funny looking and awesome. You look like a eight bit character from a Nintendo game. So funny. So funny. You ever wear that thing? I wore it all the time. I used to wear it. I wore it all the time. I wore it when I would, uh, like snowblow or shovel the driveway because it kept my face warm. I really did. It's like a, it's like a,

it's an artificial beard. Beard keeps my face warm. Yeah. Yeah. So I wore it all the time when I would go like outside and take care of the snow. We got to thank Joe.

Joe sent in three mugs made out of birch branches that are just outstanding. One for me, one for Tom, one for Ian. They have not picked up theirs yet, but I'veugs made out of birch branches that are just outstanding. One for me, one for Tom, one for Ian. They have not picked up theirs yet, but I've been drinking out of mine on the stream. Super cool. He had them custom made, they're cognitive dissonance mugs,

and they look like fucking something Thor would drink out of. They're outstanding. They're genuinely outstanding. We wanted to thank Joe on the air, though. It was awesome. Got an image. Again, don't know if Ian's going to include it. I want him to.

Ian, if you're listening, please include it. One time, maybe two. We got an image of this roast goose last week on the stream. Looks so good. If you're missing all the great food conversations Tom and I have on the stream, because we almost always either start or end talking about food, and we talked about goose. Tom and I have both cooked goose in the past and we've hated it.

And someone on the stream- It's so bad. Yeah, it never turns out good. And that's because we cook them traditionally like we would cook a turkey or another kind of bird. And someone on the stream, in specific, I think it was Chris, said, hey, I eat goose all the time and it's kick-ass.

And we said, get the fuck out of here. It's not good. You know, blah, blah, blah. No, it's horrible. And they sent all the time and it's kick ass. And we said, get the fuck out of here. It's not good. You know, blah, blah, blah. No,

it's horrible. They sent an image in and it's them in Thailand with this amazing fucking goose that looks absolutely outstanding with what looks like sweet and sour sauce next to it. And chopsticks. I would face plant in that fucking pile of goose that's on this plate. Doesn't it look fried? It looks maybe like it's like deep fried. It looks deep fried. Yeah. Or yeah, it must be. It Doesn't it look fried? It looks maybe like it's like deep fried perchance? Yeah, it must be. It looks

outstanding. It looks genuinely outstanding. I want to eat the fuck out of this goose. I would try. I would go to Chinatown when that opens back up. Yeah, just to go for... Oh, it looks so fucking good. Just for goose. It looks so fucking good. All right. Well, that is going to wrap it up for this week. Again, we want to send

our thanks out to everybody who helped put together and joined us for the live stream to save the Senate. It was an amazing success. You can still donate. Hopefully, Ian will put a link on this week's show notes. You still can, if you want, go donate in the live stream to save the Senate. We haven't pulled down yet. So you could keep on donating all the way up and that money goes directly to the two candidates. So if you want to donate, you missed it and you want to donate, it's still available and still open. So you can go and donate a live stream to save the Senate.

I think it's actblue slash donation slash podcasters, but hopefully Ian will put a link in this week's show notes for it. It was a tremendous success and we cannot thank everybody involved enough for making it the success that it actually was. Yeah. I had no idea when we started that thing that we were going to be able to raise. I mean, our goal was a third. Our goal was a third and it was a stretch

goal. Yeah. Cause I, I was looking at the matches and said, if we can match the money that comes in, we will hopefully have about $32,000 and then maybe we'll make up the other $8,000 somewhere. So I came in with $40,000 and it's a third of what we made. So it was outstanding. We beat that $40,000 in the first hour, first half hour. So that was bonkers. It was outstanding. So we cannot thank people enough for being part of it. It was absolutely, truly outstanding. And the other podcasters taking time out of their day and motivating their fan base to do that stuff. It was just outstanding. We are so happy to stand with all of you

and to put this together on such short notice. It was just a wonderful thing. We are live streaming every Thursday night. They're a lot of fun. Come check it out. Thursday night, YouTube, Twitch, whatever. We are having a blast. So come check us out. Streams are growing and there's a big community of people talking throughout

the entire stream. So you can interact with a whole community of people while we're streaming. That is going to wrap it up for this week though. We are going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative,

acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain deadpan, sales pitch, late night info docutainment. Leo Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage,

death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques, and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts,

shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your signs. Thrust your hands. Bloody. Evidential. Conclusive. Doubt even this. the opinions and information provided on this podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only all opinions are solely that of glory hole studios llc cognitive dissonance makes no representations as to accuracy completeness current, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information and will not be liable for any errors, damages, or butthurt arising from consumption. All information is provided on an as-is basis. No refunds. Produced in association with the local Dairy council and viewers like you.