Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 555: Free Birth

Episode Date: December 21, 2020

Show Notes   Happening LITERALLY Now (unless you read this later) Go Donate During the Opening Arguments livestream "Grab 'Em by the Gavel!"            *(if i had to post the above, I get to post the below)   

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from glory hole studios and associated studios in chicago this is cognitive Cole Studios and Associated Studios in Chicago. This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome at.

This is episode 555 of cognitive distance and cecil uh this is the episode where uh the attorney general has quit about an hour and a half away from the end of trump's term the attorney general was just like fuck i can't and they had to be like dude you gotta make it six more weeks. He's like, fucking just fuck. Is there any way you could just ride it out until the inauguration day? Now I want to be with my family now. Yeah, whatever.

Yeah, I got to quit my job six weeks before retirement. What the, did you think Biden was going to hire you? I'm really hoping I might get considered for the next uh you know when the new when the next big boss comes in you know i've done a good job with this one you saw this week that the electoral college of course voted on monday electoral college certified that's that's all done i do want to point out one big thing one one really important point i want to point out. Not only did Biden get the most votes ever to beat a loser, right?

But he got more electoral college votes than Trump because Trump had two faithless electors when he went. So he was 304. So Biden was 306. There was no faithless electors.

He not only beat him popular vote, but he also beat him electoral college, even though they were technically tied. Oh. Oh. It's got a sting. And then did you hear that, I think it was yesterday, Mitch

McConnell. Mitch McConnell acknowledged that Biden was the president. He said the Electoral College has spoken. How magnanimous. Yeah. Man, it's almost like the Supreme Court was like, we're not doing this. This is crazy.

We are a court. They took a look at that Texas lawsuit and they're like, no. Sorry, we actually don't bring anything on the docket that's in a coloring book form. We won't do that. So it's like the back of a Denny's mat that has like a maze on it or whatever. And they hand that back of a cereal box. Okay.

I've given you four very cheap waxy crayons to make your argument with. Okay, this whole, this entire brief is in a jumble. I have to circle the words. And they're just in the center of it. It just says no. Oh, man.

So here's where you have to be if you're still a deep state conspiracy theorist. I kind of want to go through the steps just to get here for a second before we get to where you're at. First, it has to start with, don't worry, Trump's going to win because not all the votes are counted. Then it

is, well, only the votes in these areas that would have flipped the electoral college that are close enough to flip the electoral college count, but not those senatorial races in those places. Those don't count, nor do the fucking,

the house members who ran all the Congress. Those don't count either. We're not talking about those. We're only talking about presidential. And then you get to, well, yeah, maybe those counted, but it's because Dominion flipped them. Then you find out that Dominion was only used in places that Trump won.

But he's still somehow blaming Dominion machines. Then you have to count Georgia thrice. You gotta do it three times. Can we count it a four-pole? Can we get a four-pole count? They triple dog dared us.

Trump's representatives are standing with their fucking tongues stuck to the fucking flagpole. But it's Georgia, so it's a triple hound dog dare you. That's how it went. Well, then they were going to unleash various Krakens. There was a series of Krakens, which I don't know if those were portended

at the Four Seasons Landscaping Joint. And then all of a sudden, he's got the Rona. Oh, my God. And then he cried at a tiny desk and now even the fucking grand turtle of them all like the grand turtle emerged from his fucking shell to announce the last six weeks of winter or whatever. And what's crazy to me is, speaking of winter, James Hanahoff, snowball enthusiast, he wound up this week saying,

I don't know, I'm not ready to call it yet. People have no idea. Thankfully, you don't have to call it. Yeah, right. Thankfully, it's not up to you. It's up to the media to call it. They called it. There's still a lot of questions left to be asked.

Get the fuck out of here. He's still going to be complaining about this. I mean, he'll be complaining about this for years because he's making money off it, right? This is his next big grift. That's all this is. You're right. This is his next big grift. That's all this is. This is his next big grift. So he'll never concede. And I think he laid that groundwork early because he recognizes that

the most valuable thing that you can do is take a small amount of money and multiply it 75 million times. Yeah. And you have to know that Hillary Clinton called this in her run four years ago against him. He wasn't supposed to win then either, and he was also laying the groundwork that it was a failed election. But the difference was that he was not in the way to a transition of power then. He wasn't in the way. There wasn't, there was somebody there who was going to be like, no,

it's fucking get out of here. They kick him down the stairs. You know what I mean? But now he is in the way to a peaceful transition of power. And that's where it's getting scary, right? That's where those things, and there are,

it's not just him. It's not just his crazy wackadoo fucking circus of attorneys that follow him around. No, it's not just him. It's not just his crazy wackadoo fucking circus of attorneys that follow him around. No, no. It's not just those people. There are millions of people in the United States that do not think it was a legal election. Which is just-

I don't know what the, I don't know why though that none of them will say that, I mean, are they all, do they all think that the Senate and the Congress races were okay then? I mean, I just don't get how you get there. Yeah. I don't understand how you think that the Democrats are cheating, but they're just going to cheat. First of all, the Democrats, you have to think that the Democrats are cheating, but they're not going to cheat to win the other things that are important to them. That'd be like, that'd be like if I had control of all the scratch-off lottery tickets, right?

So I have a control of the scratch-off lottery tickets, and instead of getting fucking three cherries or whatever, I instead contented myself with a bunch of fucking extra tickets. I was like, yeah, I cheated just so I could get like fucking the occasional free ticket. No, I mean, if I'm going to cheat,

I'm going to win all the things that are important to me. That's how cheating works. It's not like you're cheating on the fucking ACT. You're like, I'm going to give myself a 22. That's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to cheat, but I'm going to give myself a shitty score because I'm a fucking idiot. I'm going to go for a 24 because I have a modest college in mind. That's what I'm doing.

Yeah, no. I, as someone who did get a 24 on the ACT, will say that cheating to get that number is probably not in your best interest. It's just, what a fucking cra- So now, but now you have to think, at this point, you have to look around and you have to think, okay, well,

fucking Attorney General Bill Barr is now deep state. at this point you have to look around you have to think okay well fucking attorney general bill barr is now deep state that's just that's locked in he did yeah absolutely they came out and said yeah they 100 came out and said right afterwards no bill barr is deep state bill barr is deep state never mind like all the crazy insane ultra trump ultra right wing shit that fucking Bill Barr has been a part of never mind all the water that motherfucker has carried for years for Trump and his entire agenda that guy carried so much fucking water

he's a fucking dromedary like it's amazing people are going to write us dromedaries don't actually carry water I fucking know their humps are not actually get out of here he's a tanker truck should carry water. I fucking know. Okay. But like, their humps are not actually get out of here. That's fine. That's fine. He's a tanker truck.

Leave me alone. But like, and now, now you have to say well, you know, I've always believed Mitch McConnell was not a true Republican. Mitch McConnell now is definitely deep state Democrat. Motherfuckers, if you think that Mitch McConnell and Bill Barr are deep state hidden super secret ninja Democrats that were like activated fucking six weeks away from the end of his term.

If I'm a Democrat and I controlled Mitch McConnell, don't you think I would have activated that motherfucker a long time ago? No kidding, right? I would have activated him during fucking during Obama's term. I would have detonated, during Obama's term. I would have detonated them during Obama's term. What the fuck kind of crazy, low stakes cheating do they think we are involved in? Thing about Mitch McConnell, if you were to scanners blow up his head,

it would just like inflate his chin and then it would go back in. It would just suck back in. It'd be like, no, sorry, man. That's my safety valve. He's like a pressure cooker. It's just... Unreal.

What a week. No, you're absolutely right. And you know what's going to happen too, Tom, is that in the future, because a Republican will win in the future, right? A Republican's going to win in the future. Maybe. I mean, you know,

this can go one of two ways, right? I think that there's two possible ways. I mean, there's three, there can be sort of a current apathy, which always continues on both parties. It can be that it energizes the right constantly because they think they were cheated out of this election or it can, uh, it can make them, uh, sort of de-emphasize elections and think that that it's all rigged so why bother so there's you know there's sort of three ways it could go and i'm not saying that it's all going to go one way but you know there's there's probably going to be certainly going to be all different kinds of people who are going to be voting so that could go any of those ways and it could go multiple ways but i think a majority of them will make

that decision and you know for a hundred percent, if it does energize them and they do win another election, especially a presidential election, they're not going to say that one was rigged. No, they're going to say that one is fine. That one's fine. That one's fine. But the moment somebody else wins anything from now on,

they're going to say it was rigged. And you're going to, he's essentially in, he's like a virus and he injected that virus into the democracy of the United States. And it's here to stay now. That's it. It's here to stay. We have worried on this. We've talked about this a number of times. We have worried on this show many, many times. Like what what are the long term impacts of this erosion of politics. Like we've eroded, we have increased executive power to levels we've never had it before,

but we've also taken a lot of the things that we thought of as rules and we've now identified that they are not rules, that they are traditions and that they do not actually have to be followed. And we've taken a really sharp fucking sharpshooter eye at that shit. And we've exposed a lot of the cracks in the system. And it is evident now that there is a playbook for autocracy. And this has laid out the playbook for autocrats. And it's a terrible worry that if we don't shore this up, and make no mistake, we won't. We won't. That if we don't shore this up, that additional autocrats will come to power. And they only need to be a little better and a little more nuanced than the

chuckle fuck who was in charge for the last four years. 100%. To be horribly, horribly damaging. So I really think we are on the edge of a precipice that we have no interest in pulling ourselves back from. I am deeply concerned that what we are looking into, honestly, is the slow death of American democracy. I think, and I think one of the things that should have happened far earlier is that the Republicans that are in power

should have come to the realization that they might lose some votes if they go against Trump in the short term. But it's the best thing for democracy in the long term to go against Trump right away. And the day that the media calls it, say, no, that's stupid. The media does call it

because they counted the votes and they contacted the people who count the votes and that it's been verified by those places. And that will be verified in the future because there's never been a moment in the history of the country where the media has called it. I mean, yeah, they've called it too early and that has happened in the past. I mean, there's that Dewey beats Truman, right? That famous headline that he's holding up. So yes, they have called it too early. But in this case, when they're pointing out that it's mathematically impossible for him to win Pennsylvania, that's not them calling it too early. That's just them reporting a fact. That's it. It's 100%. There's nothing to change it and so they should have right away come across and said guess what

we're going to do we're going to come out and say I'm sorry Mr. Trump but that's not that's not how this works you're not going to be president in a couple of months you did a great job thank you for getting us all these appointments thank you for such a great job you did but you're not and if it would have came out and said rigged they should have 100% said no this election is

rigged that's ridiculous it's not true and then it would have came out and said rigged, they should have 100% said, no, this election isn't rigged. That's ridiculous. It's not true. And then they would have lost votes in this short term. That is a true thing because Trump is a force of nature in the Republican side of the fence. It's true. It's just a true fact.

But he's going to be dead in a couple of years. And I don't think there's going to be anybody in his family line or anybody else that can snatch up the thing that he's done. There's not going to be somebody else his family line or anybody else that can snatch up this, the thing that he's done. There's not going to be somebody else who does what he does. The combination of his own dimness with his own star power and his own narcissism is really just a, it's a formula that I don't think is going to be easy to repeat. And so we have this, you have this, this moment now where you can say, go fuck yourself.

And he's probably not going to be able to run in four years and you could probably stop him in a primary. And so, you know, you probably should. Six more weeks, Cecil. That's what we got to get through, buddy. Six weeks. I just want to see him go away. I don't know what's going to happen after that. But, uh, but as it stands right now, um, you know, they're planning on moving, they're planning on moving down to Mar-a-Lago, even though the people down there don't want them there. Nobody wants them anywhere. Nobody wants them anywhere. And so, uh, yeah, which is crazy. Cause I, you know, there's, there's such a, a large group of people out there, clearly 70 some million people who like him enough to vote for him. I can't imagine why he can't find

a place, but the places that he's choosing, even places that he won, he won fucking Florida. They still don't want him down there. Yeah. But you know, like the thing is that even most of the places that he won,

it's pretty narrow. Yeah. You know, and most of the places he won, he won't live. Yeah. Right. Yeah.

So you look at, you look at a place like Florida. Yeah. He won Florida, but you know, he won Florida relatively narrowly. It's not like he won it by 20 points. It's not like he walked down the street. It's essentially like every other person or damn near. It's just statistically over. him in your city so he can like rile people up and have great big fucking rallies and shit and get like potentially like have riots and protests and counter protests if i was a mayor or a governor i'd be like get the fuck no i just i wouldn't want you here either i can't stop him but fucking i

wouldn't want him there i wouldn't be courting him what do you think about the future of the rally i think he'll continue to have rallies yeah Yeah, they're money makers. He's going to keep doing it, but what does it do though? I think he's going to try to run in 2024 if he survives. Okay. If he lives to 2024, he'll try to run again. I think I, here's Tom Curry's

fucking worthless fucking predictions. I think he's going to try to maintain as much spotlight as he possibly can. The more spotlight he has, the more money he'll be able to raise for his pack. His pack is

all personality, cult of personality driven. So as long as his idiot followers or a large percentage of his idiot followers think that he has viability, political viability, they'll continue to fund his pack, which is all just dollars in his pocket. Rallies just keep him viable. They keep him in the public spotlight. And I think that guy, he couldn't, he can't possibly fucking get hard without the spotlight on him.

That's what he needs. It's his fucking Viagra, man. I think you're probably right. I think he's going to keep doing it. I wonder if it will just die out since he has no real power anymore. I wonder if that just dies out. But then, you know, you look at what happened with Hitler and that didn't die out. So the best part about this is that he's old and hopefully he dies, hopefully of natural

causes, of natural causes. Everybody dies at some point. Everybody dies. Everybody dies. Hopefully he dies of natural causes sooner rather than later. That's better for the world. It's just better for the world would be a better place without Donald Trump in it. That's 100% true. But I think that that should happen naturally.

I guess the other thing that could happen, the other conceiving, he could spend the rest of his days curled up with a good book in his library. Oh yeah, that's a possibility too. I wonder though, part of me wonders the rest of his days curled up with a good book in his library. Oh, yeah. That's a possibility, too. I wonder, though. Part of me wonders

if he won't run for a governorship or a senatorship somewhere. Oh. That's interesting. Because he could be the governor of fucking

Alabama or whatever. Really, any garbage state he would win. That's interesting. Would he be governor of some... Yeah. Oh, man. I don't know if he'd choose Alabama because he'd have to live there. I'd feel bad for all the Alabamites

that have to live under him, but he would fucking win for sure there. He'd win Mississippi. I'd feel bad for all the women that have been under him. Let's talk about some good news, though, really quickly before we get in first vaccines rolled out this week flew they they flew in approved last week after our show so after our show they were approved by the fda late friday night saturday morning they were in trucks and flying all over the united states getting distributed uh and they started giving

those vaccines out right away. The other vaccine is on the verge of being approved. Yep, the Moderna one. The Moderna one. So there might be two. And so good news. Good news in that sense that we're starting to see vaccines

start to get rolled out for this. Very, very exciting to have some reason for hope. Not a reason to take our foot off the pedal in terms of making sure that we keep masks on and socially distance and stay home as much as you possibly can.

It's going to be a tough winter, but it is incredibly exciting. And just from a pure, holy shit, the technology. Holy shit. These mRNA vaccines are amazing, man. They're amazing. And to build one this quickly,

it's just, holy shit. It is fucking exciting to get rid of COVID, and it's also exciting for what it may mean for the future of medicine in general. This is a turning point. It's a huge turning point. I'm very

happy that it took a little less than nine months and we're where we're at. And I think that's pretty amazing. That's a pretty amazing place to be. And it really just shows the perseverance and what can happen if you dump billions and billions and billions of dollars in your research. And you have the smartest people in the world working on it.

We can fix a lot of things if we all put our mind to it, but I guess we all just want to fucking fight. So, yeah, you know, it is encouraging though. I will piggyback on that Cecil because I am, I know that I've become over the last four years, much, much more pessimistic than I used to be. I used to be very, very optimistic and I've become much, much more pessimistic than I used to be. I used to be very, very optimistic. And I've become much, much more pessimistic over the last four years. And I don't think that's unwarranted, unfortunately. But I will say that maybe we'll all figure out that climate change is a problem. We all figured out that COVID was a problem. And we all realized that the incentives to fix that problem were massive, when companies realized, geez, on an incentive basis,

if we fix this, we make a ton of money and we look like heroes. Maybe, maybe, just maybe, we're just like me. Like I'm a guy who I can do, I can fucking write an amazing paper and read, but I can wait until the last minute. I need that pressure. Maybe that's how the world is going to fix some of these problems. Maybe we just are going to procrastinate our way up to the penultimate moment. But when we reach that

penultimate moment and we're really put to the test, maybe we will come out ahead. I have some hope that we will, if pressured hard enough, actually fix some of these problems. And I would love for that to be the case. I would love to scramble at midnight to do my fucking homework, man. I'm worried we're just not going to do the homework, you know?

And we're just going to show up to class in our fucking underwear like it's a goddamn nightmare. Forgot my fucking combination of my locker. Right? Yeah. But you know what? I watched Forgot my fucking combination of my locker. Right? Yeah. Yeah.

But I, you know what? I watched us do it once and it is exciting. Only a business operating at a steady profit can give its workers security and employee benefits. Operating at a profit,

a business can provide the employee with comfortable, colorful working conditions. High wages and steady employment first aid and health protection accident and life insurance time off for vacation. The employee working for a profitable business can maintain a savings account, own his own home, and have plenty of leisure to enjoy the peace and quiet of family life.

So this first story comes from Salon.com. Government study shows taxpayers are subsidizing starvation wages at McDonald's, Walmart. Actually, the article mentions not just McDonald's and Walmart, but a number of other enormous companies. Amazon, Dollar Tree, Dollar General, Burger King, Wendy's, Taco Bell, Subway, Uber, FedEx, Target, Dunkin' Donuts, CVS, Home Depot, and Lowe's. Yep. Holy shit. There's a lot of people. A lot, a lot of people employed by those companies. But you know, the part of this article I want to talk about,

because I really actually thought that some of the things that the corporate overlords said were probably the most important parts. And I'll read it, but I'll also summarize it first. They interviewed a couple of people from these companies, from McDonald's and from Walmart. And both McDonald's and Walmart said essentially the same thing, which is, look, man, we pay more than the federal minimum wage and we don't set the minimum wage. And I know that that's a bit of a cop-out, but it's also the fucking case

that that means that this is our problem. We can't rely on corporations to do something which is moral, right? Nope. Their incentive structure, the way that they are built is not to create moral outcomes. What they are created to do by themselves and what they are rewarded to do is to create profit. What we have to do then is we have to create structures that they are forced to build their profit within. And so the onus is not on corporations to do something which is structurally not in the interest of corporations. We know that's not going to work. It's almost not even worth talking about. The onus is on us to pressure lawmakers to say, hey, if people are broke and Walmart's paying 50% over minimum wage or McDonald's is paying 25% over minimum wage, the minimum wage is a motherfucking joke. And the solution is not to bemoan Walmart for being evil.

Yeah, they're fucking evil. They're a company. The solution is to look at our systems, our government systems and say, hey, let's make that impossible for them to do business like that again. Let's fix this structurally as a nation so the minimum wage is a fucking living wage.

Well, the problem is that you have people on the other side who will say, no, that's just a transitional job for kids. That's not, that's not somebody, you know, it's, it's something you get out of high school. I had a low paying job in high school and I didn't get a lot of money and, and I wound up becoming a Congressman and therefore anybody can do it or whatever, you know, that's their, that's their line. That's the line they sell. But what, what the worst part about

this is, is that they're showing how much money all the people who work at these places because the jobs, yeah, the jobs are there. We've seen this before when they talk about job numbers and they say, oh, the job numbers, the job numbers, the job numbers, but that doesn't show you the quality of the jobs. What it shows you is that a job exists somewhere, but it could be a gig job, or it could be a Taco Bell job, or it could be a shitty, clearly a shitty Amazon or Dollar Tree job, right? Could be any of those jobs where you don't get a chance to make a living wage. And what you have to do is live off of SNAP, government assistance. It's essentially a trickle down paycheck from us. We are paying it. We are subsidizing it.

You know, you and me and everybody else who pays taxes is subsidizing those people to live. And I'm 100% for it. Like, I want to make sure that people have enough to eat. But I think that, you know, we're letting the corporations get off easy. You're letting them get off easy. And if you look at the profit numbers that these corporations are pulling down and they list them in this thing, you look at these profit numbers, they have plenty, there's plenty of room in there for this. There's a lot of room in there for this, but you're, you're allowing them to incentivize shareholders over employees. And that's, that's your fault. Yeah. We, we got to fix this, you know, it, it, and that argument, I want to address that argument real quick that, oh, you know, like we could just fix that argument just by saying, look, we'll establish one minimum

federal wage for under 18 employees and we'll have a different minimum federal or minimum wage for over 18 employees. That's fucking done and done. That's it. Because then all those people whining about like, oh, why should some 16 year old kid get paid a living wage? Well, first of all, everybody's work is fucking valued. But even if you, and I don't even like that solution. I'm just saying that like, it takes no imagination at all to develop a quick and ready solution to say,

fine, fine. Even if I grant you that point, this solution is relatively straightforward. A 14, 15, 16, 17 year old kid working at McDonald's part-time, you know, when he's not at school, he has a minimum wage of $10 an hour. And everybody over the age of 18 has to make a living wage because we have decided that 18 is the age of adulthood and you should be paid like a fucking adult and an adult should make a living wage. And if that cuts is the age of adulthood, and you should be paid like a fucking adult, and an adult should make a living wage. And if that cuts into the profits of these companies, guess what? They're not going out of business.

McDonald's will figure it out. McDonald's will be around, guys. You're not going to lose McDonald's. McDonald's will be fine. Home Depot is going to be fine. And a company that can't figure out how to operate and pay its people a living wage then that's not a viable company can go fuck itself and go out of business fine someone else will figure it out that's capitalism right competition right that's

fucking that's what we want why coddle them yeah why sorry there's no reason well we won't we won't be ultra billionaires well fuck you Sorry, your business model isn't good enough for you to be extra fucking wealthy. Literally nobody should be shedding a tear about this. No, no. I was going to try to like argue a little bit about the 16 year olds getting different than somebody else or whatever, a different pay than somebody else, because then they would just hire a bunch of 16 year olds. And then I realized, no, they won't because nobody wants to hire only 16 year olds because one out of eight of them is worthwhile. Some of them are all, the rest of them are all the worst worker you've ever seen in your entire life.

They call it, let's be real. Yeah. Would they hire maybe some, but there's a finite number of those people. Finite number of them seeking jobs, finite number of hours they're available. Yeah. It's actually not the worst solution and it immediately undercuts that bullshit argument. Yeah. And it's not, it doesn't take a great creative mind to fucking come

up with that. There hasn't been a change at all in the minimum wage in a decade and it's really, I mean it's a pathetic amount of money, Tom. When you think about it, $7.25 an hour it's really, I mean, it's a pathetic amount of money, Tom, when you think about it, $7.25 an hour. When you think about it, it's a pathetic amount of money. The amount of money is so tiny. We have an employee that works for us. And in order for this person to make as, in order for the person who works for us, Ian, to make as much money as somebody who works a whole month at a job making $7.25 an hour, he only has to work a little over

40 hours a month to make the same amount of money. It's simple. It's easy. And he works more than that for us. He works more than that for us. But the amount of money that you're paying somebody is not all the things that that person has to do to stay with their head above water is so much more. And we've talked about this in, in, in many different ways, but it's so much more than anybody who is more well off, you know, you know, I, uh, I may be somebody who is more well off and my house might be paid off or my car might be paid off or my, you know, and then I live in a better neighborhood. So my insurance is better. And I go down and I have a more well-stocked

Costco where milk is cheaper and where all this other stuff where I just get all these extra advantages. You know, you just start naming all the stuff that, that, that, uh, that you get when you have that privilege of that economic privilege. And then suddenly you're just not spending as much money as those other people are. I was thinking about this the other day. I remember when I was growing up and I had every, every six to nine months, my family would have to get a new car because they would buy an old beater.

Right. Right. And then they would, they would take that old beater and they would drive it into the ground. And growing up all the way until I was in my 20s, well into my 20s, I don't ever remember taking a car to a mechanic shop to get anything fixed

that was except like an oil change, right? That was the only thing I ever remember getting done. There may have been one or two procedures that were cheap enough to justify, but everything on those cars was essentially just, it was just going to break. And if it broke, it was never going to be fixed. So you would be in a car that would have a, like the window wouldn't roll down or it would roll down, but you had to like bang it once and then do it and bang it again. And then like pull it and it would, and it would fall in the tracks.

You'd have to lift it up and do all kinds of weird shit. The back door wouldn't open on the right. So everybody had to get off on the other side. There was a, you know, the, the, the catalytic converter fell off and you never replaced it.

And then if you had to go in to get a, a smog inspection or whatever, those things, you would just literally go buy a new car. Cause it was cheaper than replacing the things that were wrong with the other car. And so you would essentially just run every single car into the ground

and none of them worked properly. And then they would continually break until they just literally fell apart. And then we would junk them and buy a new car. And the first time I ever fixed a car was when I was out of college, was the first time I ever fixed a car was when I was out of college, was the first time I ever bought a car. And then I had enough money invested in that car where it was worth fixing it because there was still plenty of money to be paid on that car.

And it was not going to be a good car if I did not fix the things that were wrong with it. And that was the first time in my life that I ever did that. I was almost 30 years old when that happened. You know, and that's an interesting example because think about all the other costs that are involved. Getting a new car, I just looked it up out of curiosity. To get title and registry, title and registry in Illinois is $301 right now. So being poor costs you more money, right? Because you're paying more in fees.

You're paying title and registration fees every six or nine months to title and register that car. Then think about lost hours when your car breaks down. You didn't make it to work that day. Or lost job opportunities, lost interviews, jobs that you lost themselves because, hey, man, my car broke down three times this month. Sorry, buddy. You can't work here anymore. You're not reliable. No, yeah, man. The amount of money it costs to be poor is incredible. It is so expensive to be poor in real dollars, just in not even relative terms, in real dollars. It's just fucking expensive to be poor. That person who's buying that car

every six or nine months is buying that car because they can't scrape together the monthly nut to make a car payment. But if you average it out over five or 10 years, they're probably paying more. It's more. It's more. It's just that you can't, you know, you can't get the loan. You've got bad credit, et cetera, et cetera. Then when you do- It was all that stuff. Then you're that person you do end up getting a fucking loan.

Guess what? You got a terrible interest rate. Yep. So that same, let's say you buy a $15,000 car and you're broke and you had credit problems because you've been broke your whole life

because you were raised in generational poverty and you've had difficulties that other people never fucking had to overcome. So you've got shitty credit. You go to buy a car and instead of that 0.0% interest rate for fucking 72 months that somebody with money and a good credit history has, you can't put any money down. You finance the whole 15 grand. You have a 12% interest rate. You spent more for the same car. Two people walking into the same lot by the same car. The poor motherfucker spends more for the car.

Yep. We have a system that penalizes us financially in real dollars for being broke. And it's terrible. It's unjust. And what's crazy is I always look back on those times and I look back at how I am now and I realize how ridiculously privileged I am that if I hear a weird sound, I can take my car somewhere and I can pay someone to look at it and figure out what's wrong with it and fix it. Right. I realize that privilege now. And I grew up without it, but I realize that I have it now. And I realize that

not everybody has that. Sure. Yeah. My teacher. Yes, little Hitler. My desk is small. I need this Polish boy's desk also. Everyone gets the same size desk, little Hitler. This is the future of America, Tom, you think? Oh, God. This story comes from the root.com. This is the future of America, Tom, you think?

Oh, God. This story comes from Maroot.com. MAGA marchers and Proud Boys descend on D.C., setting fire to churches' Black Lives Matter signs and getting into stabbing fights. Neat. Stabbing fights. So I just really want to point out, when I read that, the first thing I thought when I saw that this shit was going down was, man, when it was the fucking Black Lives Matter protests, how much fucking right wing, how much right wing pissing and moaning about, you know, there's no right to protest if the protests are violent. These are riots instead of protests. These are thugs instead of protesters. How much of that shit did you hear? my gosh so much it was never ending it was never

it was never ending because that kind of narrative invalidates the point of the protest right you no longer have to deal with whether or not the protesters have a point you're able to invalidate the entirety of the argument by pointing to instances of violence and then you have this happen and it's fucking violent. These, the same group, the right, who was screaming and yelling and pissing and moaning about, you know, the lack of decency and decorum when the people on the left protested, where's their screaming now? Where's their worry now? Stabbings. Yep. Fucking stabbings, man. And look at that picture, the picture on this article,

which you can find in the show notes. Look at all the buildings that are boarded up. Yeah. Look at all the buildings that are, why are they boarded up, right? They're not boarded up because there's ne'er-do-wells on the left, Antifa thugs on the left

that are going to break anything. They're boarded up because they're afraid that these guys are going to break something. And guess what? They did. Yep. And I'll guarantee this for you too, Cecil, like property damage. Where are the people saying we should shoot people with property damage?

Yep. Oh, when they're burning a Black Lives Matter sign, when they're burning shit and breaking shit, where are the people saying we should be able to shoot the looters? We should be able to shoot the people who are causing property damage. Where are the people, because I'm looking at the same picture, man, there's a lot of people dressed all in black, looking fairly militarized. Where are all the people who are like, whoa, when black people show up wearing fucking, you know, flak jackets and all black and et cetera, et cetera, that's Antifa. That's dangerous. We can't have that. That's a militarized movement and the police should put it down. Where are the police beating the shit out of these people? Where are the police beating the shit out of these people? Where are the police ramming their bicycles into these people,

running horses through the crowds, ramming these guys with their fucking cars? Why aren't the police breaking this shit up with tear gas like they did when there was a- Because they're Proud Boys, too. Right. Exactly. Exactly.

Because it's a bunch of fucking white people. That's why. It's a bunch of- And, man, look at these fucking guys. I watched video after video of them beating the shit out of people that are just standing on the side that might've said something to somebody. They might've said, fuck Trump or whatever. And then they literally kick the shit out of them down the street. They're beating them up down the street. There's a couple that were trying to get away, a man and a woman. They were trying to get away. And this group just kept pushing them to the ground, kept punching the guy, kept pulling the woman by her hair, throwing her on the ground.

They wound up beating the shit out of these people all the way up and down the street, up and down the street. And you watch it happen. And that's not just one, but there's many instances of them working their way down, screaming stuff, ready to fight. I did get a chance to see a cop spray, pepper spray some of them.

So that was the first time I ever saw that. I never saw cops go after Trump supporters before. That was the first time I ever saw it. So they must've been really rowdy that night. Yeah, right. But you can just look, you just look and you watch them and you say everything that they attacked the left for,

they're out there doing, but they're doing it because a guy's feelings were hurt. Not because of any systemic problem. There's no systemic problem that they're trying to fight against, right? There's no system problem that they're trying to fight against, right? There's no system that is holding any of these people

down. It might be maybe the economic system for some of them, but mostly there's no system that's holding these people down. Instead, they're just out there because one guy is sad. Yeah, well, they're out there because their boss lost his job. Yeah. That's it. They really liked that boss

and that boss lost his job. And they're going to have a great big fucking pouty tantrum about it. Yeah, that's it. Like they really, they really liked that boss and that boss lost his job and they're going to have a great big fucking pouty tantrum about it. Yep. Yep. Harvey, want anything special for your birthday? Just a decent cup of coffee. You're kidding. I'm serious, honey. Your coffee's undrinkable. That's pretty harsh. Well, so's your coffee. You know, the girls down at the office make better coffee on their hot plates. Well, see you later. So this story is from the Guardian. This was kind of all over the place. There was a really awful op-ed in the Wall Street Journal. What a shitty op-ed, huh? Did you read that op-ed? I just want to read a little piece of it because I think it's so, just so demeaning he says this guy uh joseph epstein interesting name he says um madam first

lady miss biden jill kiddo any chance you might drop the doctor before your name dr jill biden sounds and feels fraudulent not to say a touch comic end quote kiddo Kiddo. Kiddo. Kiddo. Kiddo. Fucking outrageous. This is a woman with a fucking doctorate in education. Yeah. A doctorate. It's a terminal fucking degree.

She has earned the right to call herself doctor. That's what a doctorate is for. That's what that's for. There's no fucking way we would say this about a man. There is no, no way you'd say, kiddo. How many times you've been called kiddo as a grownup?

I don't think a single time. Never. Nobody would ever call me kiddo. Nobody would ever call you kiddo. How fucking patronizing and paternalistic and small minded is this? Yeah. And how, and how fucking fragile are you that you're upset that someone else is calling themselves doc? Hey,

here's the thing. How she styles herself isn't about you. How about that? You know, you ever consider that maybe she's autonomous and can make decisions on her own without you there to fucking give her advice on this? Well, this is clearly somebody who's like, look, I don't want to give women deference and respect. And that honorific means that I have to treat this woman with deference and respect as a result of her education. And I don't do that for women. I don't treat women education. And I don't do that for women. I don't treat women deferentially. I don't do that.

That's not me. That's not me. I'm not that guy. Some people are that guy. Some people are like, women can be people or whatever you guys say. And, you know, education actually confers some level of, you know, respect. No, that's not me. That's not me.

You know, if you don't have a penis, you don't count. It's a magic wand that know, respect. No, that's not me. That's not me. You know, if you don't have a penis, you don't count. It's a magic wand that gives you respect. What I loved is that this week, the whole right blew up, including fucking that squeak toy, Ben Shapiro, who was saying, who was saying, he even tweeted about it saying how disappointed you'd be if you were having a stroke and someone had introduced themselves as doctor and you found out they were a doctor or musicology or something, and some guy tweeted, how disappointed would you be if you had a dinner party and Ben Shapiro was there?

It's so amazing. It's so amazing. I'd be so disappointed. I couldn't tell you. I couldn't tell you how disappointed I would be if Ben Shapiro was a place where I was. Oh my God. Oh. God.

We are smart enough to differentiate the idea that there are more than just medical doctors. Right. That's a child's version. Seriously, this is a child. Little kids think there's only one kind of doctor. Little kids. When I'm a little, because that's the only doctor you're exposed to

because you're fucking stupid and people with university degrees don't want to hang out with you. That's just true. Like nobody with a fucking doctorate hangs out with kids because they're like, fuck, what? No. But like doctors have to take care of kids so they're exposed to them. That is a childish, juvenile, puerile view.

It's such a stupid thing but it's one of those things that popped out this weekend. They kept on screaming about it and crying about it and how this guy was right for saying this and I couldn't believe that there's this much vitriol

about how someone self-styles but then I remembered, oh yeah, that's how they treat trans people too. So I guess I should have expected it. You know what I mean? However, somebody self-styles isn't part of your business. Who cares? Well, I really think it's because nobody, they don't want to say Dr. Biden because they don't want to be in a position where they are offering that honorific. They don't want to say, like, yeah, I think it

scares the shit out of them. Admittedly. I'm certain that other doctors are not worried about this. Yeah. I'm sure of it. Is Ben Shapiro got a doctorate? I don't know. I will say admittedly, though, Tom, I didn't want to say President Trump. I did say it. Yeah. Eventually. But I didn't want to say

it. I won't want to say it. So this story comes from the guardian south africa's chief justice unrepentant for linking covid vaccines come on to satanism jesus christ satanism also i just want to say that if satan were a person he would look like that guy look at that guy look at that guy that at that guy. He looked crazy as fuck. Look at that guy. That guy, that guy, that guy definitely looks... It's the small glasses that make you evil. You know that, right? It's the little glasses. You're not wrong. Little glasses on an enormous head? A little

glasses on a guy like that, that makes you just... He looks like somebody who... I don't know. He looks like somebody who would experiment on humans. That's what it looks like to me. I don't know why. I just see that and I think, little who would experiment on humans. That's what it looks like to me. I don't know why. I just see that. And I think little glasses, experimentation on humans.

That's what I think. There are those like ultra magnifying glasses. So you can see the organs he's vivisecting out of you even easier. He's cutting you apart. This is so horrifying, Tom. Let me read what he actually wrote. He said, his name is Magong,

Magang, Magong. I don't know. Don't try, just don't. Magong, Magong. He prayed at a public event on Thursday that people should be spared any vaccine that sought to, quote, advance a satanic agenda of the mark of the beast. Addressing questions about this, he later said, if there is any vaccine that is deliberately intended to do harm to people, that vaccine must never see the light of day. I cry unto God to stop it. I don't think the vaccine must ever be compulsory. You can't impose a vaccine on people. Why should you? I will say this. I would agree in principle that we should be spared satanic vaccines that seek to harm people

but that is not what this is you nimcom poop there is nothing the mark of the beast is a stupid fucking thing and if you believe it you are stupid you are a stupid fucking person if you believe there is a mark or a beast or a beast that's worried about marks or whatever was last week i talked about this yeah i mean it was last week that i mentioned this yep and it's it's so obvious to see happen it's started happening here in the states and it's been happening because it's just it's just one of those things that you see and you think this is just an obvious thing that somebody is going to link this in some way to religion to make it so uh there's a mass movement against taking it and it's happening here in the states there's plenty of people all over the country right now that will not take it there's people on uh that have their own shows now that will not take it

they're talking uh we might actually get to one of them in this show, I don't know, but there was a woman who, you know, who has her own show who's saying that she wouldn't take it if Jesus took it. And so,

I mean, the chances of Jesus taking it are pretty slim. It just slips right through his fingers. Yeah, right? Do you shoot it at him from across the room? He's like,

fuck, I dropped it. Fuck. Here, catch. Oh, man. Fuck. But, catch. Oh, man. Fuck.

But man, this is one of those things that it is... I do not feel like as excited as we are about vaccines and as you and I talk about it earlier and said, man, that's such a great news. It's such good news. I'm still afraid of what's going to happen in the future with trying to roll this vaccine out to people because there are just too many stupid people

have a voice in this. Yep. And too loud a voice and are too convincing of other stupid people. It's entirely possible that there may be regions of the world which become essentially non-travelable. You know, there may be regions of the world which become essentially non-travelable. You know, there may be parts of the world. The United States could be one of those places.

Yeah, the United States may be a part of the world, which is, you know, just a significantly less safe place to be. I think that we'll get good vaccine buyout. I really do. I'm very hopeful that we're going to have enough incentives, financial incentives, incentives from the ground up. I really hope that that's the case, but I also worry very much that there's going to be parts of the world that

never reach any significant vaccine numbers and they'll just essentially be places that are unsafe to travel to. Yeah. and they'll just essentially be places that are unsafe to travel to. Yeah. This was how your day started. Started wrong. Barbara! Barbara, get up! You'll be late for school!

Does she have to do this every morning, Barbara? Even if you're not really well-mannered, you could make a habit of being civil. You're almost always late, and you're guilty about it. You're in a rut with a bad habit. Distaste for your sloppy ways. You were embarrassed by your messy hair and the fingernails you had neglected to clean. You weren't listening. We always go to the beach.

Every year we take a cottage at Esk. You couldn't help interrupting, could you? You added nothing to that conversation. It's a little late for tears, isn't it, Barbara? Even though you didn't know it was going to happen today, you've still had your whole life to prepare for it. And now it's a little late isn't it so the story comes from rolling stone pastel q anon is infiltrating the natural parenting community this is a really really long article and it can be basically summarized this way

fucking crazy people be crazy about all the crazy shit. Man, the fucking natural parenting community has always embraced some really like wacko, ultra extreme, super woo shit. Do you know a lot about the natural parenting community? I know some about it. Yeah. Can you tell me a little bit about it? I don't really know a lot about it. You know, it's some of that home birth. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's a lot of bullshit anti-vaxxer stuff that's involved in that kind of stuff. It's a lot of like-

Home birth also has that as a big component, right? Right. It's all kind of like tied up together. So there's this- Don't go to the hospital because they're out to get you. They're going to pay. You got to pay money. Right. It's all kind of like tied up together. So there's this. Don't go to the hospital because they're out to get you. Distrust of doctors. You got to pay money. Right.

The only birth that's acceptable is a natural birth without any drugs. And, you know, you got to fucking. Do you get a medal? Do you get a special medal when you do that? Do you get a special. You get a badge. There's a sash. There's a sash.

Oh, nice. You get one if you give birth at home in your bathtub. You get another one if nobody was there to help or assist or make sure it was safe. If you give birth in a bathtub by yourself and nobody hears it, did it happen, Tom? Well, if the baby doesn't cry. Did it even born? Then you get one if you breastfeed to the age of five. So if you breastfeed a five,

it's really weird after kindergarten. If you breastfeed your college year old kid. Have you ever been around somebody who's breastfeed well after they should? Oh, yes, absolutely. Yeah. So I belong to a dork organization where that happens sometimes.

And there's like little kids with full teeth running around playing on like a fucking slide. And I'll be like, come on over and eat, man. Eat, eat little child. And you're just like, what the fuck is happening right now?

I don't even believe this is happening. Oh my God. And then you just, yeah, the whole and you're just like, what the fuck is happening right now? I don't even believe this is happening. Oh my God. And then you just, the whole time you just, you don't want to look. You want to look. You don't want to look. You want to know what's happening. Like, is she smothering it? What is happening right now? There's like a kid who's like old enough. He's like juggling fire and shit. He's like hitting on other women. Then he comes over

for a snacky snack. You're like, what? There's a kid contributing to his 401k on your teeth it's just i don't get it i don't get it it's so strange but they're i mean these are these are we're not anti-breastfeeding it's just there's no no but i'm talking about i'm talking about kids with all their words that's not a kid anymore he's a phd student for crying out loud what is happening it's it's all that kind of crazy shit. And this article is like a great example.

This article relates- It relates to your five. So the woman that this article starts off talking about is a self-described writer, birth educator, free birth coach. Free birth? Free birth. Do you stand in the audience of the lighter and you hold up free birth? Free birth. Crazily, man, there's no audience because

free birth is about unassisted at-home childbirth. That's without the guidance of a doctor, midwife, doula, or any other trained professional. Hold on though. What if you have a dolphin with you? other trained professional hold on though what if you have a dolphin with you man i saw those fucking videos of women like traveling across the world to give birth and like in like the fucking sea around dolphins and shit like they're they're in the ocean no shit laboring in the actual ocean with fucking apex predators swimming around. Fucking what is wrong with you people? You're chumming the water. What is happening?

What is crazy? My wife one time accidentally brushed some coral and her fucking leg was infected for months. I remember that. It was just like she accidentally touched it while we were in the water in fucking the Bahamas or something. She had like eight gang greens. It was just like she accidentally touched it while we were in the water in fucking the Bahamas or something. She had like eight gangrenes. It was unbelievable.

She had to get her leg amputated like four times. It was ridiculous. It just kept growing back. It was weird. It was weird. It was weird. But yeah, fucking crazy, dude. This is insane.

And of course they're going to go for QAnon because once you're inoculated to this bullshit, you start to collect it. Yep. It's just, it just starts to, it's, you're like one of those, it's not a game you've played, but you're like a Katamari. There's this game, this video game where you essentially run around and you, things like are attracted to you as a, magnetically. And then they start to collect and you start to get this huge ball of shit that you're rolling and you're trying to collect more as you roll down the hill. It's called Katamari. It's a funny, stupid game, right? But that's essentially what you are.

Once you start to do some of these Wu treatments, you essentially become a Wu Katamari. You're rolling down the hill, collecting, you know, energy healing. You're collecting any other kind of alt-med acupuncture, Reiki. You're collecting anti-vacc healing. You're collecting any other kind of alt-med, acupuncture, Reiki. You're collecting anti-vaccination. You're just collecting all this garbage. Yeah, it all ties into a conspiratorial worldview. It rhymes well. Yeah, exactly.

It's perfect. And these are not uninfluential people. Like this crazy fucking woman has 28,000 followers on Instagram where she calls herself- She's has 28,000 followers on Instagram where she calls herself- 28,000 kids? Then she yells shit out while no one was looking. Okay, go in your birth closet or fucking wherever you do this crazy free birth.

Your weird birth route. Why do I have to have a whole room for this? This is so weird. Explain to me again why it's safer if nobody can help. Well, just lots of things are safer if nobody can help. What? What is ever safer? That's like fucking free skydiving.

I'm just going to do it without the aid of any guides. I'm just going to jump out and hope. You throw the parachute and I'll try to catch it. You want to show you how this works? Fuck you. No, I don't want you to show me how this works. I'll just jump out and figure it out. Oh, fuckers.

She has 23,000 Insta followers. 28,000 Insta followers where she calls herself a bringer of light. That's a variation on light worker, which is the same kind of nomenclature that's associated with the QAnon deep state child sex trafficking bullshit, right? And they use a lot of the same kind of nomenclature that's associated with the QAnon deep state child sex trafficking bullshit, right? And they use a lot of the same terminology.

They talk about save the children. That's another hashtag co-opted from that fucking same nonsense stuff, right? And it makes sense because it all feeds the same, you know, the only one to save us is us, right? Anybody with a position of authority is to be distrusted. Anybody with, but more than just authority, anybody with expertise is working against you at all times, right? That is a huge part of this conspiratorial mindset is that experts are always working against your best interests. They are never, doctors, politicians, anybody who is in a position of expertise,

they are always working against you. And so you are always this like lone wolf fighting the good fight against the combined powers that be. It's fucking crazy bonkers time nonsense. It's all crazy bonkers time nonsense. It's all crazy bonkers time nonsense. It's all crazy, man. It's all crazy.

And it all feeds into the other thing where, you know, you watch one of these movies that talks about one of these topics. It's infiltrated by all the other crazy shit. Right? So they'll interview somebody in one of these goofy movies.

And I remember I watched one of these goofy movies about having babies at home or something. It was a dumb movie I watched a long time ago some quasi star who was like a daytime yeah like ricky ricky ricky lake or something was it yeah ricky lake was like if you have a baby in a hospital your baby will hate you forever you'll be sad they'll see the lights and then they'll be real sad i don't even know it's just really stupid but i remember watching it and it and there's so many

little bits of woo that permeate the whole thing. And I remember seeing it. It was one of those documentaries that everybody talked about. And I don't even know why I watched it

because I was fucking I'm never going to have kids so I don't give a fuck how they I don't care how they're made. It's like fucking sausage. Like I don't need to know how it's made.

I don't care. But, but I remember watching it and thinking, well, that is really dumb. I'm sorry I wasted my time on that. But then I also remember seeing

all of those anti-vax, because there's so much, there is so much overlap with the anti-vax community in that. And you could just tell too, there's so much overlap between the anti-vaxxers and the people who believe

that stupid shit and QAnon. They just overlap so well. And there's, and the worst part is, is that just like, uh, just, just like all the other stuff that, you know, when you start to get involved in one of these things, you start to get involved in so many of these other dumb ideas. They can keep grabbing people from on the fringe and pulling them in and feeding them more and more bullshit. And so you're basically making a bullshit army. And it's insane. And it's magnifying now more than ever because there's no baffle to stop this information anymore. There's nothing there to slow the information down like editors or anything like that. Instead, it's just all free information. And you're in a bad way now because this information is free, but it's also harmful.

Yeah, it's free and it's plentiful. This woman named Norris Clark, she describes herself again on Instagram as a truth seeker, mother, informed consent advocate who is working to save our children from the satanic child sacrificing piece of crap known as the pharmaceutical industry. Oh my God. And I think what a couple of things that are important about that is, first of all, that satanic piece is in there again. It's satanic panic, which is all QAnon is, right? Yeah. And it's just a different, yeah, it's under a different lens, but yeah. Spinning your hatred of the pharmaceutical industry, it doesn't matter what that last set of words was, right? So you could be like working to save our children from the satanic child sacrificing piece of crap known as the literally mad libs that.

Yep. Mad libs it. It doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Once you've established that you are on the side of protecting children from Satan, which goes back to the fucking satanic panic shit, right? Because everybody wants to protect the most vulnerable people in any society, because that's inherently a moral obligation. So if you set up a narrative, which first establishes that the kids are not all right and that they are in danger, you've created a moral

obligation. And then you can just tack on whatever the fucking worry du jour is. Yep. Whether it's pharmaceuticals or, you know, doctors that show up at your birth or whatever you're upset about. Yeah, man. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. And it's about saving the kids, man. It's about saving the kids, man. And that's all you have to do. You set the preconditions. Yep. And now you're good. Now you're good. You. And that's all you have to do. You set the preconditions. Yep. And now you're good. Now you're good. You can say whatever crazy thing you want after that.

Yeah. Because who argues against? Who's like, you know what I don't want to do? Nah, fuck those. Actually, I would. I'd argue against that. Fuck those kids. I'm a decent boy just landed from the town of Galifad.

I want a situation, yes, and want it very bad. I've seen employment advertised as just a thing, says I. But the dirty spell been ended with no Irish need apply. So this story, I fucking love every single thing about this story. This is something else. New York Times. Man is jailed after taking jet ski across the Irish Sea to see his girlfriend. Defying the Isle of Man's coronavirus restrictions,

a 28-year-old traveled from Scotland to the island on Friday. Days after he arrived, he was sentenced to jail for four weeks. So this guy meets this girl. Have you ever been to the Isle of Man? I've not, have you? I haven't, I'm looking at it now and it looks really great but it is sort of really just smack dab in the middle of that in the middle in between Ireland and Scotland it's smack dab right in the middle

and the thing is I think I probably knew it was there but I just didn't know it was a thing. I thought it was just like, oh, that's one of our islands that we just have. I didn't realize it was its own, its own thing.

Who owns it? Who's the owner of the Isle of Man? Is it its own thing? Or is it a Scotland thing? Yeah, it's actually a self-governing British colony, a British crown dependency is what it is. Not a colony.

No shit. Yep. Yep. It's supposed to be very pretty. I did, I did actually Google it out of curiosity. Cause I didn't know. I'm going to go there. I'm going to go. I want to. No shit. Yep. Yep. It's supposed to be very pretty. I did actually Google it out of curiosity because I didn't know anything about it.

I'm going to go there. I want to go to the Isle of Man. It looks very, very beautiful. And then I want to go to Denmark where there's the Isle of Woman. That's actually Lesbos. That's near Greece. Lesbos.

So this guy meets this girl. He falls in love with her. Whatever. He's getting a little lonely. Maybe it's been a while. He wants to see his girl. She's on the Isle of Man, which maybe he's worried. Maybe he's like, hey, there's a lot of guys there.

It's the Isle of Man. How am I going to compete? So he does the only logical thing. One day, he buys a jet ski. And then the next day, he gets on that jet ski and takes off across the sea on a jet ski and then the next day he gets on that jet ski and takes off across the sea on a jet ski on a fucking jet ski. This is so fucking amazing. He thought it was going to take him 40 minutes.

That's what he was. He figured this would be a 40 minute trip from the southwestern coast of Scotland to his girlfriend's house. He later told authorities he'd never ridden a jet ski before. You would think that would be a good prerequisite to have ahead of time. I have done some stupid shit when I was horny before,

but I have never been like, I bet I could take a jet ski across the ocean to get laid. That is like, you are so led with your dick when you are doing that. I admire the confidence too. It's just like,

I do too, man. I can totally make it across. What could go wrong? I have a whole jet ski if something goes wrong in the ocean. Okay, hold on. Hold on a second. Hold on a second.

I got to figure it out. I got to figure out how far away this is. It's 10 miles. I'm doing a little literally back of the envelope. It looks like it's about 20 miles off shore. That's so far when you think about it. It's not right there. It's not right there. If you were

going from this Isle of Withorn and I don't know if I'm saying that correctly. Don't correct my pronunciation. We have, it's got, it's 10 miles here on this thing. So 10 miles is this. Yeah, it looks like it's at least 20. 20 miles. 20 miles you've never ridden before.

How far do jet skis even get on a take a gas? I guess they go real far, man. So, but then there's- they just don't do it fast. Four hours. Dude, they're at four and a half hours because he had bad weather. There had to be a moment where you're like, all right, I'm chugging along. You're 40 minutes in. You're like, okay, am I almost?

Oh, man. When you think about it too, if it's 20 miles, 40 minutes is optimistic on the water. Yeah, I don't know how fast do you think you're going? You think you're going to bang out 30, like 30, 40 miles an hour on average? Really? How fast is a jet ski? 40 to 70 miles an hour. 70 miles an hour?

What? So he's probably like, what now? No problem. I'll just crank this bitch. Oh. 70 miles an hour sounds really dangerous. Holy shit.

I don't even like to do that in a car with airbags inside airbags. 70 miles an hour. I don't even like to do that in a car with airbags and side airbags. 70 miles an hour, I'm scared to roll my windows down. I feel like I'm reentering Earth's atmosphere.

Are you kidding me? 70 miles an hour on a car is fast. 70 miles an hour on the water that can move when it wants to? Are you kidding me right now?

Jet skis are like six feet long. They barely float. Like you've been on jet skis. I would not go. I would not head out across the Irish Sea on a jet ski. But this guy does. And I love he shows up.

He still has to walk 15 miles. He overshot the port. Now that I love he shows up, he still has to walk 15 miles. He overshot the port. So there had to be that moment where he's just exhausted. It's been fucking two Lord of the Rings movies or whatever. He's got his jet skis dragging by him as he's walking 15 miles. He's got a chain. He chains it up to a tree or something.

Oh, God. Can you give me a ride back to my jet ski christ holy shit man that's un-fucking-believable that is unbelievable i love the end of this article too because at the end of the article they're asking somebody like why would it have taken that long as for why it took Mr. McLaughlin more than four hours to cross a short distance, Alan Sterling, the owner of a boat dealer in Linwood, Scotland, said the trip should have taken less than an hour. Sterling says, you can see the Isle of Man from the peninsula where he set off. To cover that distance is not a great feat. He's just incompetent and he had bad weather. Didn't he check the weather

before taking his inaugural fucking ski dude trip across the ocean? It's unreal, too. It's unreal. I've been on these before. Yeah. And I've been near the shore.

But I could never, and I was on the sit-down one. I don't know if he's on like the stand-up one or not. I don't know, right? I don't either. There's a stand-up version if he's on like the stand-up one or not. I don't know, right? Because there's a stand-up version, right? There's a stand-up one, yeah. I think that one is actually,

I think that's the difference between a jet ski and the other thing. What's the other thing? Like a ski-do or whatever. A jet ski and a ski-do or something like that. It's just hard to know. I don't know. I don't really know. But anyway, I know there's a different,

there's a standee and there's a city, right? And so I've been on the city ones before. And I've driven around near, and I've only done it on a city, right? And so I've been on the city ones before and I've driven around near, and I've only done it on the ocean, right? I've never done it on a lake or a river or anything like that. I've only done it on the ocean and I've done it on the ocean

two or three times, different places, but I've always been near shore. I would never in my life think, I don't know what I, I can't see where I'm going. I can't see the thing that I'm driving to, but you know what? I ain't had no puny for a little while.

So I'm in the road and something's getting wet today. I don't care what it is. Something's getting wet. And that's what I, I would never in my life consider that. And I don't care what it is. Something's getting wet. And that's what I, I would never in my life consider that. And I don't think I've been on these things. I don't think I've ever been on one that could go 70 miles an hour. I mean,

if something goes wrong, all you have is a jet ski. You know, even buckle to it. It's not even got sides. Throw you off. It just,

well, just tip it. It's like being on a fucking, it's worse than a rowboat. It's unbelievable. Oh,

it's so good. God, that woman must have a fucking magic vagina. I swear to God, her fucking pussy must do shit that is just

out of this world so we want to thank our patrons of course we want to thank all our patrons we want to thank our newest patrons and by the way passively aggressively mentioning from ian here in the notes patrons, ahem, which I added in 554 fucker that he is. He's got to passively aggressively remind me in the notes that he was there. I totally added him and you just didn't scroll down. Anyway, here's

the patrons. We do want to thank those patrons too. So Kent, Bob and Jonathan, thank you so much. And we want to thank Brady who patronage last week. And this week the patrons for this episode, Son of a Sven, Catherine, Life's Peachy, huh?

Clever. Spelled like Nietzsche, guys. It should be Netsch. I don't know. Anyway. Evan. Life's Pitcher. Evan, CJ, and the people who upped their pledges, Simon, thank you so much for your generous donations.

We really do appreciate it. Patrons, if you're hearing this ahead of time, you probably heard our live stream this week already, but you know that Thomas Smith and Andrew Torres of the Opening Arguments podcast are doing a live stream like we did to save the Senate. They have a whole brand new slew of people on. And so you can join their live stream on Sunday. If you're getting this Monday, you're probably not going to hear it, but the patrons will hear it ahead of time. And you can join in on their live stream. So check out that audio from that live stream, find out when it is, check out our show notes. And if you're hearing this after the fact,

if you're hearing this day after, you can still donate in their live stream. You can check the show notes for that and you will be able to find all the information for their donation drive. They're using the exact same group that we used at ActBlue. All the money's going to those Senate candidates. So you're gonna wanna go over

if you have a little bit of extra funds and ship it at them. So we got a video. Somebody says, this is Ian's secret identity. And he said that Ian is Hermie, who is the, he's not really a hipster douchebag. He's just a reject elf dentist. And I have to say, 100% Ian, 100% Ian.

Amazing. Ian, post this on this week's show notes. Post you as a claymation character on this week's show notes, if you can, please. We also got an image. This is from Dalton and it's an image that I don't have to post

because it's disgusting and it doesn't show anything. It's just a word. I'm going to read it here. It says eggnog cake, a spiced cake filled with Irish whiskey and topped with eggnog buttercream. That's called human jizz, eggnog buttercream. That's called human jizz.

Eggnog buttercream. So, I don't know. You couldn't put enough whiskey in that cake to make that drinkable. Or edible.

Ugh. So, I do want to play a clip. This clip is from Andy and I'm going to play it. It's a short clip really quickly. Can your science

explain why it rains? Yes! Yes, it can! That that's good it's so good uh that's from uh avatar i guess it's from avatar the last airbenders uh we got a message from hebrew hooligan hebrew hooligan says cars have wi-fi now i think i'll get a bigger care faraday cage for that one. Could you imagine driving a Roll cage on the outside of your car? Right? My cage is in a cage. It's a never-ending, it's like a

Russian nesting doll of Faraday cages. So we got a message from Simon. This is on Patreon. And last week, someone had asked what would it take to have Ian and Gary have their own short episodes that they could do on occasion

and I said look it's going to take $5,000 an episode patrons and so Simon has thrown down the gauntlet I want to read this

concerning the challenge Cecil issued on last episode I've increased my monthly pledge from $5 to $8 if all your current patronage

has increased their pledges $3 your offhand comment about spin-off shows will be more or less locked in. So yeah, so they're going to defer us to Andrew Torres Esquire

and his expertise concerning your legal position vis-a-vis the public challenge that at a $5,000 pledge increase per episode, we will be sufficient to guarantee a spinoff podcast starring Ian and Gary challenge accepted so one person has done it now all we need is the rest of our patients it's a

small ask guys come on don't be ridiculous everybody wants to hear the Ian and Gary podcast you just have to think about how great that show is going to be think about how much Ian has to talk for Gary at a high voice all the time. It's going crazy.

Yeah, welcome back to Gary and Ian Try Stuff on the Internet. You know, the show where Gary and Ian review stuff from the Internet that you suggest. This season, we're working our way through the back catalog of adamandme.com. We're talking about sex swings and nipple rings. We're using penis sleeves and anal beads. We're getting condoms on our strap-ons. We're sitting here with butt plugs and... What the fuck is going on, Gary? What are you doing?

What are you doing? What are you recording? It's just a pilot episode. I was just fucking... It's a bit, Gary. It's not gonna happen. It's bullshit. But people want it. Look, people are already upping their pledges. Thomas Cecil made a ridiculous number. It's never going to happen.

It's worth it. This podcast is never going to fucking happen. And I'm not reviewing sex toys with you. Ian, we got to give the people what they want. It's fucking weird, Gary. We got to give them what they want. Nobody wants this. You know they want it.

For fuck's sake, Gary. You can't watch me use sex toys. If they want to see you and stir something into your rectum, they're going to get it. The fuck they are and there definitely won't be any video. There's already video.

Gary, give me that tape. Give me that fucking tape. Give me that tape. Now leaving. Gary and Ian get fucked.com. Nope. We got an image from Aaron and Aaron always sends in the best

images and this is so great. I love this one so much. We're going to post on this week's show notes. This is perfect. Got a message from Sarah and Sarah says that they sell hearing aids and someone came in and said they bought a special plug for her outlets

that block the Wi-Fi demon waves. Those are the important Wi-Fi waves to block. You want to block the demon ones, Cecil, not the angel ones. It depends on which Wi-Fi waves go to your shoulder. It depends on if you block the ground plug at the bottom. If you block the ground plug, then

I do want to say, I want to read, though. You wouldn't believe the time and effort I put into convincing her that and here's three things the hearing aids will not give her ear cancer

I'm not I'm not using the hearing aids to spy on her and the hearing aids will not transmit waves that change her thoughts

or read her thoughts could you imagine having a job that's that tech? I mean, because hearing aids nowadays are highly technical, very small, tiny little things. Can you imagine having that kind of fucking job and having to explain to these dumb fucking people?

You thought you had it hard when you worked at Circuit City and you tried to sell them shitty monster cable all the time I know right it'll sound better just sound better we got a message from Chip and Chip says hey guys I just thought about

about the geniuses buying Faraday cages around their routers and he says want to make some money let's sell plastic Faraday cages. That's so good. And it's so unethical. I would in a second, but I can't because it's unethical,

but I would want to. Got a message from Cody and he sent him an image and he says he works at Custom Ink. I work at Custom Ink as a production artist and they do all kinds of different shirts and he hates doing

all the shirts he does, but once in a while he comes across a good one and this is great. It's a fucking Gwyneth Paltrow puking money on a Goop logo

and it's genuinely fucking amazing. I can't tell you how much I love this. It is fucking outstanding. I would buy that shirt. It is really good. So good. All right. So

that's going to wrap it up for this week. Next week, we'll be on Wednesday. Christmas Eve Eve, we'll be doing our live stream. So come check it out on Wednesday next week. And we'll also be doing a New Year's Eve Eve on Wednesday that week. And then we'll be going back to our Thursday schedule. But a couple Wednesdays in

a row before the holidays. This is going to be the last. Is this the last episode before Christmas? It is. So Merry Christmas, Tom. Because we'll be recording before Christmas next week. But it won't release before then. So Merry Christmas to everybody.

And have a wonderful Christmas. And we will see you guys for the New Year's episode next week. But until then, we're going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo quasi alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, freeidal-Free-Energy-Healing-Water-Downward-Spiral-Brain-Dead-Pan-Sales-Pitch-Late-Night-Info-Docutainment. crystal balls, bigfoot, yeti, aliens, churches, mosques, and synagogues, temples, dragons,

giant worms, atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody. Evidential. Conclusive. Thrust your hands. Bloody. Evidential. Conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and information provided on this podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only.

All opinions are solely that of Glory Hole Studios LLC. Cognitive dissonance makes no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information and will not be liable for any errors, damages, or butthurt arising from consumption. All information is provided on an as-is basis. No refunds. Produced in association with the local Dairy Council and viewers like you.